The Power of Pause – Instant Relationship Help

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This is from Linda Landon – a most wonderful life coach who is featured in this month’s Interview With a Relationship Expert, my CD interview series.  Linda is an amazing woman, with a totally compelling personal story, a huge client success rate, and she’s worked alongside powerful, celebrated, transformative teachers like Miguel Ruiz.

Her interview is like a guidebook for how to be happy and create the kind of relationship we dream about. Her new book is called “The Power of Pause” – and so she’s giving us a piece of what that’s all about and real tips on how to do it:

Recently someone asked me to name one of the most valuable tools I offer my clients. I took a breath and waited for an answer. In that moment, without thinking, I became the answer. I replied “I teach the power of the pause.”

People choose coaching to help them address a myriad of personal and professional issues, such as overwhelm, stress, challenging relationships, lack of focus, procrastination, and overall life balance. Together we often discover that underlying these presenting issues is a deep desire for authenticity: “I just want to be myself.” And …“If I were myself, I would feel free, purposeful, and happy.”

Coaching can then become a wonderful kind of excavation. Using a process called DreamShifting, we dig down through layers of unconscious beliefs, habits, and patterned thoughts, to bedrock – one’s authentic self. Along the way we explore how negative reactions may be eroding relationship with self and others.

There are exquisite moments when the client shifts perception and clearly sees the truth of who they are.

A key to this shift is pausing. If we don’t pause, we can easily fall back into unconsciousness.

When we do pause, we open into a space of possibility and create the opportunity to choose something new.

In our busy lives how do we cultivate the ability to pause? Through practice.

Practice

  • Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
  • Begin to focus on your breathing.
  • Notice, without judgment, the length of your inhalation and the length of your exhalation.
  • Sense the breath coming in through your nose and mouth, and imagine it filling every cell in your body with new life and new possibility.
  • Sense the breath moving out and taking with it everything that is past and no longer needed.
  • Now, pay special attention to the end of each exhalation.
  • Notice the moment when the breath pauses, just before the next inhalation occurs.
  • Feel into that gap.
  • Let the breath dissolve into space.
  • Can you allow yourself to surrender into the unknowable – the ocean of possibility?

Next time you’re in a stressful moment, and feel compelled to react in a familiar and habitual way, bring your awareness to the pause at the end of your exhalation.

Ask yourself, “What might happen if I let go of everything I know into this space? Now what do I choose?”

~ Linda Landon
Copyright © 2009 Linda Landon & Associates

I love Linda… if you have her interview this month, I know you’re listening to it over and over again and feeling better and better.  If you’d like to find out more about Linda and what she does and how she does it, and how it can help you…just go to her site at www.LindaLandon.com.

Love, Rori

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305 Comments

  1.  #1Tina on August 11, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    I’m practicing the breathing while my toes are soaking in the basin, I’m not sure what Im supposed to feel 🙂

    The drama never ends, tonight a gay guy friend messaged me and asked if I could come at the last minute to wax his eyebrows because he has a date tomorrow, I said, yes, I’ll be right over. I brought the cellphone Eggshell Man gave me, I swear I’m going to bust it with a hammer! Eggshell Man calls me and asks me what Im doing, I say, I just finished waxing T’s eyebrows and I;m leaving. I leave, while still on the phone with Eggshell Man, he says I dont know how to feel about that, What!? I say about about what? he says being at another mans house. Oh my Effin Word! I hung up the phone and turned it off. I got a call when I came back home, it was Eggshell Man! I said really give me a break, you cant be serious, I feel intensely fckin pissed off! He must of had a change of mind because he didnt want to talk about it when I got home. anyway we did end up talking about it. The fact that he is GAY hello and going on a date with a MAN for eff sakes!



  2.  #2Tina on August 11, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    while on the phone with Eggshell Man, he said , you should care about how I FEEL too, I said just before I hung up, I dont give a shit how you feel , then click and I turned off the phone. I hung out with T after my seperation from my husband. He helped me a lot, taking me out dancing and stuff, we had lots of fun. We dont hang out anymore, since he found a man but then they broke up and now he is going on a date with new guy.



  3.  #3Tina on August 11, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    *practicing the breathing exercise.



  4.  #4Tina on August 12, 2010 at 12:12 am

    I FEEL triggered, I feel angry. I feel fkin furious. I dont want to feel anything any more. I’m tired of feeling. I wish I didnt feel so fkin angry. Eggshell Man , I hate you ok. I feel angry, ANGRY ANGRY PISSED OFF FURIOUS. i REALLY dont want to hear other peoples needs and wants when Im still trying to find my own needs and wants. oh so while Im busy trying to find out mine, oh thats right i dont have any. I do have wants and needs,damnit. catering to others needs and wants , while Im still trying to figure out mine is a big job. Eff you hows that?



  5.  #5Tina on August 12, 2010 at 12:32 am

    My toenails are dry now, im going to bed blah!



  6.  #6Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 2:55 am

    KnockSoftly,

    There is an acrostic for “TIME”:

    Things
    I
    Must
    Earn

    He has proven he is toxic. If he has changed, let him prove it over time. I see red flags.



  7.  #7Renee on August 12, 2010 at 3:24 am

    Knocksoftly — it sounds like you are making great progress. If this man is truly toxic, as you say, you are doing yourself a great favor by getting him out of your life and moving on.

    Was he truly toxic or was he just not stepping up?



  8.  #8Renee on August 12, 2010 at 3:27 am

    Brenda — nice to see you this morning. Any mini-dates with Bill yesterday?

    Dr. Feelgood and I are meeting Sunday and I’m supposed to go out with puppy-dog Robert Friday…having a bit of a hard time making myself want to go out with Robert since I’ve already determined he’s not “the one”, but trying to stay true to CD principles and since he’s not scary and is actually somewhat attractive (and is definitely stepping up) I should continue to date him. It feels weird though.

    What about your plans for the weekend? Seeing Balto or the 62-year-old?



  9.  #9Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 9:07 am

    Renee,

    Thanks! Nothing with Bill beyond our heart-to-heart talk yesterday morning, when I apologized and cleared the air. I really felt connected, tho, and I sensed he was scared of the very real emotions that are starting to be between us whenever we are in the same room. I sense him distancing himself in a regrouping kind of way! While I keep amping it up by baring my heart each time I talk with him! LOL! I truly have never seen a man respond to me like this before, and I totally credit it to Rori’s excellent coaching!

    I am tentatively seeing Green Man and Balto this weekend. 62 has affirmed he would like to see me again, even tho I honestly told him the age difference was too big of an issue for me, while still extending friendship. I am waiting to hear back from all three of them, and totally unattached to the outcome while growing more attached to the outcome with Bill every day! I am really in like with Bill!

    I hope you have a nice time with the doctor! Just enjoy your free therapy and practice Siren skills with Robert.

    Have a great day!



  10.  #10Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 9:08 am

    Knocksoftly,

    The closing up is typical of many men, who are not used to letting their feeilngs show. If that is the central issue, then just be patient with him, and use feeling messages and give him his space.

    It drove me nuts with Ryan, too, and I wish I had it to do over because I wouldn’t have texted him to death!



  11.  #11Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Tina, go hang with your gay friend – I love gay men…with the exception that it is an EXTREMELY BAD IDEA to marry one. Especially one that hides in denial, lies, and steals. Other than that, you might learn a great deal about what you need and want from your gay guy friend. He is clearly a “sister” so go do the sister thing with him.

    For heaven sakes dump that other guy – like he isn’t even funny to play with, he just totally stresses you!

    Breathing is good. I learned this process a number of years ago when I was suffering terrible panic attacks. I now do this regulairly through the day as I discover it releases all the tension I carry in my upper body. The “pause” moment feels like 5 seconds of peace and tranquility. In the pause, I feel all the muscles in my face and shoulders release. Especially around my eyes, I feel my muscles soften and a gentle smile forming on my face. I can actually count 5 seconds between the out breath and in breath. When I am working with very distressed clients, I will do this on purpose as their bodies will often respond my mirroring my body behaviour. Ironically in pilates class, I was breathing so deeply that I would become too dizzy and had to become more “shallow” LOL! I actually didn’t like it so instead of doing 10 breaths to get in the groove, I only do 5 because I do 1 for every 2 the other ladies were doing. But that doesn’t mean I live stess free! I am still a freak who is hyperventilating about maybe having contracted herpes!! breathe!!! OK!!!



  12.  #12Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Knocksoftly,

    Oh, yes, I DO have an idea! I way overfunctioned with Ryan! And, yes, he was 15 years younger. Gotta love em! Man I was crazy about him! Little stinker!

    Sounds like you are adjusting well! From now on, I have adopted the policy with Ryan that I picked up from Erika Awakening, about if he’s not stepping up, then that makes it simple for me: he’s not the One. Case Closed.

    I had a two hour meeting with Bill, and I kept acting like I was moving thru jelly, and I kept my mouth shut unless it was related to the document. I conducted myself like a little lady!



  13.  #13Tina on August 12, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Lizzie, yeah I hear you about the herpes thing, I had an ingrown pubic hair and my mind went all over the place with it. My periods are messed up, im 44 so time for a pap test this year. I really have to get my hormones under control. My periods are regular and normal if I dont take supplements like evening primrose or anything else, but I suffer physically ya know. Well my friend said if he ever was going to have a baby he would want me to be the mother awe nice. i said well dont we have to have sex, yes he said but he could “go there” lol crazy. I dont think he was serious though. I woudlnt want to have children now . My son is 17 and yeah, time for me to get on with my life and figure out my wants and needs.



  14.  #14Tina on August 12, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    My stray dog is here visiting me today, I feed her regularly. Another day shot to hell, I woke up late again blah! Breathe yes thats what I do try the breathing exercise again. I want to learn kayaking, I can rent one down the road. thats a want? right?



  15.  #15Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Tina, isn’t that so sweet?! he would “go there” for you? That would take a lot of energy. Or according to my gay ex husband – I took A LOT of energy….I should have known…. If any man says I take a lot of energy again, I will just turn around and walk away. Walk away baby! Yeah! walk away!! Walk away with all of me – wooo hoooo! Tina, walk away with all of you – all your parts…even the ones you haven’t discovered yet but are hiding within. Then again, I would not have been able to adopt my awesome kids if he hadn’t been part of my life at that time, so good for him I was a lot of work!! YEAH!! work baby work!!! I am worth all of it!!!

    gee, maybe I am catching on to Rori ways….

    Go get yourself looked after Tina. I gave up on the hormone thing – no control there I AM a hot flash.



  16.  #16Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    Tina – a kayak is not a want – OMG that is so funny



  17.  #17Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    Tina – wants and needs – here are some of mine….

    Need:
    – to feel wanted, desired
    – to feel whole, woman, sexual sensual woman
    – to feel valued for who I am without condition
    – to create: to use my imagination, inspiration, intuition to make meaning and make a difference in the lives of others
    – to feel liberated and free: unconstrained; to have choice

    since I have no idea what loved feels like, I can’t say I need it yet – I THINK if my needs are met, I will feel loved. It is in my imagination

    I want:
    – to feel the goodness of myself and others as the place of beginning
    – to feel the care of well develoed deep and lasting friendships
    – to feel respect and caring for all those who are my family
    – to feel trust in my own judgment in simple and complex decisions in my life

    I must say, it is not easy to describe wants and needs. The best way I can help is to reflect deeply on what is coming from with. Wants and needs are not something that come from outside of you. Does that help?



  18.  #18Nancy on August 12, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    meditation……



  19.  #19Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    I want sexxX!



  20.  #20Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    go find Bill!
    Or better yet – give that yummy 64-year old the surprise of his life – done the red leather bustier, mink cat tails and black leather boots – guys go ga ga over boots – who knows why….

    I have been thinking of writing another book – this one would be titled: My Mom Does Golf Dates With Dead Guys!



  21.  #21Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    I am going to go buy a bottle of Champagne – I have decided to have a bonfire, burn files, burn the signs from my old business that I had with my ex, celebrate liberation! (dont worry I shall leave the city to do this so I don’t get arrested)

    Back shortly



  22.  #22Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    oh yeah, marshmallows



  23.  #23Tina on August 12, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Lizzie so how come its not a want? lol dang



  24.  #24Tina on August 12, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Ok, so maybe kayaking will bring me a FEELING that I want to experience?



  25.  #25Tina on August 12, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Lizzie, I have a campfire and its legal, you can bring your files here and we can have a file burning ceremony, no fuss no muss, just burn the shit out of it hehe.



  26.  #26Rose on August 12, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Let me know what you think of these podcasts, for every woman, regardless of age or marital status: http://www.titus2womenoftheword.com/podcasts-3

    Rori, please just post your stuff or something that has more sense or meaning to it, this was in my opinion very insignificant, blah, like posting for the sake of posting.
    I don’t know what to think lately about all these posts. I mean, i’ve heard this “breathing” exercise so many times from others and done it so many times. I have found better information in the Bible on how to be a woman and keep a relationship than i’ve learned anywhere else. It’s more straight fwd, no straw crap. I have been married for 6 years, have had my share of problems but we’re still together and going strong. I read almost every material about relationships out there. Honestly they all are pretty much the same, teaching ambivalent and contradictory information. Most materials suggest to men and women stuff like: don’t go begging, it will make you unattractive. While i think it’s in part true, i believe if you did something wrong, regardless if you’re a male or a female, you need to be mature enough to ask for forgiveness and make things right. So where are women and men going with the same useless information? where it says: keep your pride at all costs even if you screwed up…no,no,no, that’s not the way it goes, the reality is simple and that’s why people miss it, end up with the wrong, complicated information and divorce, break up, dump each other and keep a list of unsuccessful relationships. What if you as a young woman to look for an older female mentor, who is grounded, not given to drunkennes, drugs or perversion and try to counsel, learn and be held accountable by her friendship? Or if you are an older lady who has experienced life, like Rori who shares her insights, why can’t you mentor a younger woman, help her, assist her, hold her accountable? Oh no, it’s easier to try to paint yourself in your private, selfish, egotistical loneliness than choosing the less traveled path of simple truth. Oh well…here’s my rant, check out the website and tell me if it helped you. It has helped me save my marriage and getting many older female mentors who are full of wisdom, love and useful insights.



  27.  #27Tina on August 12, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    I want to feel every cell in my body coming alive with new breath, I want to explore nature, I brought me here, I brought me to this new place.



  28.  #28dorothea on August 12, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    i had a breakthrough last night re: anger and losing one’s temper. I can’t wait to share it but I need to sit with it for a little while first.



  29.  #29Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Tina – thanks for the invite! OMG we could dance with the flames, Champagne in paper cups! marshmallows in flames!! Oh BEAUTIFUL!!!

    Ok the kayaking – YES driven by an need or want…go deeper. Might it be:
    – freedom
    – feeling nature – aka freedom
    – self control
    – setting your own direction

    Here is a good way of defining needs and wants:
    A need is driven from the soul
    It is at the very core of your being
    Life does not happen without this

    A want is the next layer out –
    a whole bunch of wants together will feed and satisfy the need
    wants are easier to find and define (yeah right….)

    Both, are driven from within
    They are not “things given to you by others (this would mean you have no influence and control)” rather it is through your engagement with the world that you find the ways to meet your own needs and wants. Think of it more like matching – the best way I can describe it is like this: lets say a man has a very high value in self confidence. And so do I. Then from a match perspective, we together will create a high trust energy that will provide latitude and feedom, very low jealousy, very low neediness, connecting will be deep and enriching. Neither of us will feel pressured to be in constant contact; questioning each others buisness meetings – lunches, dinners, travel etc., cancelling dates due to business or family issues, is sad but not a crisis – that sort of thing.
    Does that help?



  30.  #30Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    OK Champagne … in a bit; I cant’ wait to hear dorothea’s anger thing! I am so up for exploring!!! back soon.



  31.  #31Tina on August 12, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Lizzie, I do get it 🙂



  32.  #32Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Lizzie, RE: #22! LOL! You should be a comedian! That’s some hilarious stuff!

    Bill had a little instant message session with me a little while ago! He was fun! He was stressed out and burned out. I offered to let him beat me up to vent. Just following up on our lunch conversation the other day. I enjoyed chatting with him! He also talked about getting pizza using an emoticon. I am hopeful that he is leading up to asking me out for dinner! 🙂

    I just barely stopped myself from offering to pleasure him under his desk while he works, for increased energy! :-
    p LOL!



  33.  #33Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Lizzie,

    Can I come along for the bonfire? I wanna burn my nasty, negative, niggling voices!!



  34.  #34Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Tina,

    If you went kayaking, I bet you would feel that inner sensation rise to the surface through the act of kayaking! I wanna go canoeing at this river near here. I love moving water!

    Tina, you are funny! I like your toenail messages. Did you do your daily grocery shopping?

    LOL!



  35.  #35Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    I like bears. Bears are cute, cuddly, friendly, warm, and funny. Bears.



  36.  #36Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    I saw part of a particularly fascinating show on public television last night. It was called, “The Human Spark”, hosted by Alan Alda.

    It showed behavioral experiments with monkeys, which were then carried out on babies or toddlers, in order to explore their behavior, in order to understand human behavior as a whole.

    For example, both a monkey and a toddler were given a choice of two balls, a heavy one and a light one, to roll down a chute. The heavy one would displace a barrier, allowing it to roll all the way to the bottom. The light ball would get stuck when it collided with the barrier. The monkey needed close to 200 trials before he could choose the heavy ball for succeeding in displacing the barrier. The toddler found success in one or two trials.

    Another test was a one year old baby offered two bowls: one with mashed green beans and one with graham crackers. Each baby chose the graham crackers, and they were more appealing in appearance and taste.

    Then two different puppets were introduced. The first puppet chose the graham crackers, like the baby, and the second puppet chose the green beans. Next the two puppets were offered to the baby. Every single baby chose the puppet who made the same choices as him or her. It demonstrated how people gravitate to people who have the same preferences as them.

    I love to think about stuff like that!



  37.  #37Daria on August 12, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    i leaned forward big time for fun and now i feel freaked out with my neck stuck out

    it still feels fun tho

    very rockstarish grotesque sexay



  38.  #38Daria on August 12, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    ok i feel bad. this is how i feel. i love me. i love my fear. i love my desire

    i love my fear of suffering with unfulfilled desires

    sorry. please forgive me. thank you. i love you.



  39.  #39Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    Daria, my neck is also very long. Sticking it out to see how others react is serious fun!!
    sorry
    please forgive me
    I know I play sometimes
    I am so sorry
    and I will say I am sorry because I know I will do it again
    I am sooooo sorry
    please forgive me
    thank you
    I feel warm and tender



  40.  #40Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Ok my bonfire is on Saturday night – at my family cottage – I havent’ seen my brothers and sisters in a year….the fire will be BIG! I am hauling up my big honkin’ carved wood sign from my former business – it has my ex and my names on it. I have a 3-pound hammer – do you know any other chick who has a 3-pound hammer????! do you have any idea how much distruction you can met out with a 3-pound hammer?? hee heee heee – evil laugh….. My kids, who were abandoned by this same man, are going to smash that hammer into that sign! AND I HAVE AN AX!!! Oh the joy!!! And I have a file box full of files – the ones my kids refuse to shred in my industrial size shredder- and I am going to burn those suckers – burn baby burn…. AND…. I have a bottle of $100. Champagne!!!! Augh!!! I am going to conjur and release all the toxisity of all my old relationships – I will sing kum-by-ah for all of you!!! OH JOY!! I don’t care if I ever date again….

    OK that is just silly…time to reign it in – just hold on now….Rori says I must date….herpes be damned…I am actually still holding out that I don’t have it. Lets allign the gods – false alarm due to extreme stress



  41.  #41Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    And I have Deep Woods Off – nothing can come near me now. I will stand by that fire and feed pages and pages of anger, fear, frustration, abandonment, pain, ugliness, hurt, betrayal, hate, puke, garbage, horror, sting, prickles, sadness, unhappiness, emptiness, loneliness, tears – I am going to empty all that awfulness into the fire. I am going to create healthy space for new, and out of the ashes, the glorious phoenix will rise!!!

    And I will dig out this stunning silk jacket I bought when I adopted my daughter in China that has the entire back of it embroidered with the phoenix rising. A new day will dawn and I shall have a new path…



  42.  #42Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    I vote for Lizzie! Cheers! Here’s to a new life for Lizzie and her kids! I’ll bring the Nathan’s hot dogs and mustard!



  43.  #43Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    thank you thank you thank you. I shall miss the gang for a while – although I have an “anywhere stick” so I might patch in from time to time



  44.  #44Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    Here is a beautiful quote from Marie Forleo:

    Relationships are spiritual opportunities, not a needs exchange: many of us have this false idea that a relationship’s purpose is to somehow fulfill our needs and desires. We look to see what we can get out of the relationship instead of what we can put in.

    Looked at like this, relationships are often little more than a needs exchange. We need this (safety, love, intimacy); a man needs that (security, companionship, sex).

    When we come across a good fit, both parties tacitly agree to do a trade and call it love. This transaction based relationship model is why so many relationships feel empty and dead. They are completely devoid of anything real or intimate. After the initial rush of excitement is over, they’re more like business contracts than sacred unions.

    Let’s face it. We’ve all been conditioned to use relationships for wrong reasons: to end loneliness, relieve depression, recover from a previous breakup or find security. The problem is that is not what relationships are for.

    They are a spiritual opportunity for personal evolution. There is no greater arena for discovering capacity for love, forgiveness, compassion, personal greatness and full self-expression. Nowhere else will you meet the grandest and smallest part of your self-imposed limits to intimacy. Nowhere else can you forgive so deeply or love so purely.



  45.  #45Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Lizzie,

    An anywhere stick. Hmmm. Bill has one of them, too! It would feel good to see him use it! LOL!



  46.  #46Lizzie on August 12, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Brenda you are so funny! an anywere stick is an internet access key. LOL.



  47.  #47thirtyseven on August 12, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    i feel low priority. i feel sad. i feel tricked. i feel simmering blood and hot tears and lashing out. i feel defeated. i feel like i can’t even pause to pause. i am posting this here so that i do not hit send on the email i composed to ex. even though i want him to know that i think he’s a selfish asshole. that i think his actions are hurtful and insensitive. he should know. but it would just make me look bad. i feel obsessing. i feel injustice that men don’t obsess. i feel crazy chick when men get under my skin. and no matter how busy i am at work, how much i work out, paint my nails, cook myself dinner, clean the house……. i still just feel crazy obsessing underneath the surface. i don’t want anyone to have this much control over how i feel. my best friend told me that i am a catch, he threw me back, he should come back begging if he’s going to come back at all….. he comes back and then pulls the silent treatment on me all over again. i was over it, it’s been a month, and then he has to call out of the blue. why do men do that?? i feel duped. i feel disgusted. when we were together i told him i felt neglected. why do men let weeks go by with no phone calls? he called it my “neglect! neglect! nonsense”. i felt dismissed. i felt stifled. i feel stronger that i won’t slip and stumble so easily next time.



  48.  #48Brenda on August 12, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    I wonder if I would prefer a memory stick or an anywhere stick? Hmmm. Both. Yum!



  49.  #49Daria on August 12, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    I felt very insecure after my attempt to fulfill my want/need for sexual experience yesterday

    i wound up servicing a man and i now feel Very vulnerable and i feel mad and poowerless and icky and i feel like i self abandoned myself

    i do not want to abandonmyself i cheer my experiments

    i love myself this feels better aaah.

    i am fresh out the bath, i feel panicked that my sexual needs are unsatisfiable, every day i feel anxious on top of feeling sexual craving

    i feel uncomfortable feeling sexual craving, it feels like being hungry and being hot i feel sick

    i feel embarassed

    i feel discouraged and weak at fulfilling my sexual needs

    i feel addicted

    i feel sad

    i want to feel free

    healthy

    vital

    powerful

    worshipped

    secure

    sexy

    strong

    pleasured

    soft

    attractive

    i love my feeling excited to fele this way



  50.  #50Daria on August 12, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    i feel broken and alone and very not good enough. please tell me im enough man, so i can feel better and relax.

    i am enough says man Daria.. you are more than enough… you are sexy and i want to kiss you and consume you and please you. so does every man. you are sexy and desirable. you are so womanly. i love you.

    its ok to feel afraid and ikcy and bad.



  51.  #51Lucy on August 12, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    I don’t get this:

    “Do: Dance
    This isn’t about putting on music and doing a jig in the living room. To dance with a man is to let your body follow his lead in a romantic situation. When he steps forward, you step back, when he steps back, you allow yourself to flow forward. Imagine how this would work with phone calls, texts, e-mails … pretty much any conversation with a man. By allowing his lead, you’ll keep from focusing too much on him and losing the rhythm of your own body.” (Rori)

    Especially, “when he steps back, you allow yourself to flow forward.”



  52.  #52Daria on August 12, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    yeah Lucy – I wonder what that would look like



  53.  #53Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Hey Ladies!

    Lizzie..that would feel like an amazing bon fire!

    Ok here’s the situation 🙂

    I’m totally falling for sailor man …he cooked me dinner on his sail boat a few weeks ago and we’ve been out on 3 dates and he’s amazing and totally stepping up…it will be hard to do the “no girlfriend” speech..even though I’ve already said I’m not looking for a boyfriend. We have great chemistry (met on pof)

    then there is my bosses bosses boss…he’s 36 same age as sailor man. not stepping up. he canceled on me a few weeks ago but we’ve been texting. tonight he was texting me and saying we should get together and I told him I was “feeling” bored of texting…anyway I stopped using my feeling messages and became a smartass.

    He asked me if my boss told me about his BBQ

    ME: No..are you having a BBQ
    HIM: that’s the plan
    ME: okay…
    HIM: you are welcome to come
    ME: are you going to tell me when or should I ask my boss?
    HIM: blah blah blah
    ME: I already have plans for Saturday night…but I’ll keep it in mind
    HIM: I already have plans to…fighting fire…we’ll just have to get together next time..
    ME: ok

    I feel bad now…I was totally triggered…I feel that he just doesn’t step up…all talk…

    I wish I had used my feeling messages…I totally felt myself shut down



  54.  #54Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    I wonder what that would look like too.

    Sailor man and I ended up making out pretty heavily and having sex (3 hrs of making out first lol) My body wanted sex but my mind and emotions were not ready. I started feeling anxious and super vulnerable and wishing I had waited…things seem fine though…I’ve had to sit with those feelings..I love my anxious feelings. I feel I still want to wait before we have sex again..I just get too attached!! I feel attached to the outcome with sailor man..
    He says all the right things…I’m falling!!! I need to keep it together!!!!



  55.  #55Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    I want to text boss man some feeling messages…would that be overfunctioning?

    I feel bad about the end of our “conversation”
    I don’t feel good about how our “conversation” ended
    I feel bad that I was a smartass
    I feel bad



  56.  #56Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    I don’t feel attached to any outcome with him…I’m kinda bored with it actually…but it would have been great practice



  57.  #57Laughing goddess on August 12, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    Wow Brenda. Thanks for posting #46. I love that perspective!!!



  58.  #58Tina on August 12, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    I WANT to clean my room 🙂 I NEED to clean my room 🙂



  59.  #59Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    Any takers on this with boss man?



  60.  #60Tina on August 12, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    My need is driven by my soul, ok so I need peace and tranquility. I need to relax? I dont like cleaning my room, but I want to clean my room. I want a room with no clothes in it 🙂 I want a rooom with just a bed, a light, maybe a nice water fountain thingy, pretty colors in it, relaxing sounds, meditative sounds, yeah, maybe a plant, a tree, I want a tree in my bedroom yeah, a chair by the window,a big window, a table.



  61.  #61Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    Tina…what did you end up doing with eggshell man?
    Why are you keeping him around?…he sounds super toxic



  62.  #62Tina on August 12, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    Jilly, whats up with boss man?



  63.  #63Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    you first..what’s up with eggshell man? I’ve been gone..is this guy different than truckman? or the same guy?



  64.  #64Tina on August 12, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Jilly, I dunno why he still is around, if he is toxic then I am toxic, I guess. I have control issues? dunno. it just is for now.



  65.  #65Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    oh ok…just wondering…he seems to make you pretty mad…I think you are normal..is it the same guy or two different guys? I remember you went on a week long trip with truckman right?

    Anywho…I don’t mean to bring up stuff if you don’t want to to talk about it..

    So boss man is a guy who keeps saying he wants to hang out but he’s nervous cause we work together and he’s not sure but he’s always initiating that we get together…weird..
    so tonight he texted me I got triggered and shut down and became a smartass and I felt bad the way we ended the “texting conversation” I wanted to text him back some feeling messages but i’m “pausing” lol



  66.  #66Tina on August 12, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Jilly, I changed Truckman’s name to Eggshell Man 🙂



  67.  #67Tina on August 12, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    I would text him for sure why not? does he want to date you?



  68.  #68Jilly on August 12, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    okay that makes more sense…they are the same guy 🙂

    well…I will in the morning..it’s getting too late now…I’m off to bed…



  69.  #69Tina on August 12, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    Eggshell man wants to keep dating me, he hasnt called it quits, so Im using him for free therapy. Is he “using” me too? I do feel angry, he does piss me off. I cant seem to seperate, what is mine and what is his, I just feel tangled up in all of it. When I feel angry my needs and wants are not being met by me? dunno.



  70.  #70Lucy on August 12, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    if wh doesn’t want the magic i created around and between us on saturday then he must be crazy. and i don’t want a man if he is crazy.



  71.  #71Tina on August 12, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    Oh crap , he just left me an offline message, If you get this in the next fifteen minutes call me, anyway that was an hour ago, I just called, no answer so I left an offline message. I wonder if he is on his way here? or sleeping? or whatever.



  72.  #72Lucy on August 12, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    i don’t want a man who doesn’t want me and my magic – no matter how amazing he is – he’s not amazing enough if he doesn’t appreciate my awesomeness enough to want to see me again.



  73.  #73Tina on August 12, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Lucy, I love the line I read somewhere on this site about “smoking him out”



  74.  #74Tina on August 12, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    Off to bed now, I cant blow off tomorrow. Im working on getting a map of the place that I want to do some kayaking, looks kinda scary to me.



  75.  #75Lucy on August 12, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    i feel happy that i got my d flowers for opening night and that her picture was on the front page of the newspaper and that she felt good performing tonight. i feel happy that i will see her acting saturday as will my parents and her dad and his mom. i feel happy and grateful that she is healthy enough to do this. i feel hopeful that she will make it thru the upcoming college semester w/o needing IV’s. that would be a great miracle that i would appreciate very much. thank you God.



  76.  #76Lucy on August 12, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    i hope tomorrow i hear from an amazing man who wants my magic around him all the time.



  77.  #77Laughing goddess on August 12, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Lucy: i don’t want a man who doesn’t want me and my magic – no matter how amazing he is – he’s not amazing enough if he doesn’t appreciate my awesomeness enough to want to see me again.

    Ya momma!!! That feels good to hear!

    I also feel confused. How long has it been since you saw him? Less than a week? And that was your first date? I feel confused why you are imagining that he doesn’t like you?

    I know the glasses thing happened but that doesn’t seem like such a big deal to me.

    I dunno, I don’t feel good jumping to the conclusion that he’s not in to you. What do you think/feel?



  78.  #78Lucy on August 12, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    LG, the date was last saturday but he didn’t say anything about wanting to see me again. in my experience, if they want a second date they let you know at the end of the first date. also, no response when i texted him that i rec’d the glasses and thanked him etc. nothing. i would feel better believing a story about him really liking me and wanting to see me again but it seems less likely. what do u think?



  79.  #79Lucy on August 12, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    i could imagine that he is writing a song about me – me and you and a frog named boo – about my skirt flying up playing skeeball and screaming on the sea dragon and goofy faces in the photo booth and mermaid stories in the damp sand and almost getting wiped out by a wave and wondering where spiritual places are in america and constellations and mother teresa and doing wonderful things with our talents to help the world and loving babies and passionate luscious kisses and pretty shoes and the perfect summer



  80.  #80Lucy on August 12, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    summer skirt and babysitting boo while i went to the bathroom and him saying i did a good job with my ice cream cone even tho i couldn’t finish it and no i’m allowed to eat my vegetables – yes i can imagine he is writing this song and doesn’t want to interrupt the memories to text me back – he will call me when the song is done and sing it to me.



  81.  #81girl on August 13, 2010 at 1:31 am

    Jumping in without reading comments – I always feel guilty about that. I’ll read em’ later – right now, I feel very weird and I’m hoping that typing about it will help me move past this stuckness I’ve been feeling all day. D has been nothing but amazing, but I feel turned off and bla and icky with every tender touch and kiss he gives me. I just feel him needing and wanting me so much, I’m losing respect. I’m not sure when this dynamic took over…I hung out with some of his family yesterday. I felt comfortable, but also turned off, judgmental and resistant to calling them “my family.” Right now the whole idea of commitment feels so boring and yuck. All I see right now is the sad reality that we all get old and ugly and need someone around for survival. And yet, I know I can survive without someone, but that won’t stave off the inevitable ugliness and loneliness from coming. And yada yada yada about the beauty of age…I know…but right now I feel stuck in pessimist mode. So I’ve been trying not to talk. I don’t feel like talking – like my lips are glued shut. And D could sense it, so he brought it up. I felt just ick about him, but in my head I’m thinking that he’s such a good guy, such a good choice for me overall…but today I was just not feeling him. Some days, that’s how I feel. The good feelings outweigh the negative ones overall, and I don’t even feel like I want to express the negative ones, cause it would just be hurtful. And I don’t even need to say them outloud, cause it seems he can always sense it. Like just now, he called and asked me if I feel proud to be with him – and I am feeling like saying “meh, not particularly…not today, I’m not.” but of course I don’t want to say that. So I said, “yes!” in an annoyed tone, like “ugh, leave me alone!” Tonight he left my apartment cause I ended up saying that today it feels like he is particularly interested in closeness, and I feel like I need space. And he asked if I want him to leave. And I said, I feel bad about your leaving in the middle of the night like this, but it would feel good to have the space to miss you and get some perspective.” and in devastated tone he said “perspective on what??” and I felt so annoyed cause I’m not trying to get perspective and find a way out of the relationship, I’m trying to find a way back IN! And I feel so annoyed – I start to feel like, maybe I DO want a way out! I hate it when he gets this sappy tone whenever there’s conflict. Ugh..shudder. And now I feel guilty about shuddering. I told him – “Ugh, I hate how this feels so dramatic! It doesn’t have to be…I just want space – there’s nothing wrong!” And I covered my face with a pillow cause i didn’t even want to look at him in this mode.
    Lately I just feel like I have stepped out of the relationship – I don’t feel like communicating, I don’t feel like connecting, I don’t feel like having sex, I don’t feel like touching. I haven’t been as considerate has I have been till now. I haven’t been as affectionate, and I haven’t been as receptive to his affection. I’ve always felt a little resistance to his affection – for instance, this morning he was repetitively kissing my arm and making a little suction effect with his kisses. It felt gross! I directed his attention to the goosebumps on my legs.
    I wanna say, hopefully I’ll miss him and want him and will be super sweet to him again soon. but I also notice that I feel pressure to get back to that place cause our families and friends are somewhat invested in our relationship. But I don’t want to concern myself with that pressure. I’m going to let myself feel icked out and and bla and uninterested and turned off and grossed out and judgmental and unwilling and intolerant and annoyed and frustrated and yuck and stuck. Until I don’t anymore…



  82.  #82girl on August 13, 2010 at 1:36 am

    Rori? Ladies? any thoughts on how to get out of frigid, indifferent “get away from me!” mode, without hurting the guy and the relationship would be most appreciated!!!



  83.  #83janjune on August 13, 2010 at 2:35 am

    lucy,
    this is so good! “i don’t want a man who doesn’t want me and my magic – no matter how amazing he is – he’s not amazing enough if he doesn’t appreciate my awesomeness enough to want to see me again.”

    sooo….
    if he’s not standing in front of us, he doesn’t exist.
    and
    someone recently said something to the effect that they were going to conduct the relationship “….so that not so many of the magical moments are created by MY energy.”

    summary (in my head):
    leaning back—keeps us from sharing so many magical moments created by OUR energy with a man who doesn’t want me and my magic.
    –(so) no matter how amazing he is,
    if he isn’t standing in front of me he doesn’t exist
    if he isn’t going to row let him drift off
    if he can’t step up let him step away

    oh yeh!!! more pieces to the puzzle are falling into place…



  84.  #84janjune on August 13, 2010 at 2:42 am

    there is a difference between hearing and understanding what someone is saying
    and
    understanding how to fit it into the fabric of your life.



  85.  #85janjune on August 13, 2010 at 2:57 am

    my life is about to change.
    my family is accepting the circumstances, we’ve had time to try to repair what was damaged and it is not going to be much better than it is now, so we are all just kind of looking at each other realizing this is the way it’s going to be now.
    we have to adjust.
    we tried everything to fix things but this is just the way it’s going to be.
    we know love and care for each other and that is the bigger vision of reality
    more now than before probably.

    i feel so much love for my family and feel so blessed and grateful to have each one, warts and all.
    and i believe these difficult times unbearable sometimes, have just turned out to crystalize in my reality that time is precious, DON’T WASTE IT ON PEOPLE WHO AREN’T GOOD TO YOU.



  86.  #86Renee on August 13, 2010 at 3:11 am

    Lucy — I feel for you…if a few days had gone by and he just hadn’t called/txted, I would say that maybe he was just taking his time getting back with you. But since you did txt him and told him you’d like to see him again and he didn’t write back at all, I suspect that he’s backing off, for unknown reasons. I will say this, though…I had my doubts about him when he kept hinting that he wanted to go out with you but it took him forever to actually get around to it. That wreaks of someone who’s actually involved with someone else or who’s afraid of intimacy in general.

    I’m not the pro here, but in my experience, if a guy’s really available and is ready to step up, he asks you out pretty quickly after a few emails/txts…if he’s not stepping up at first, he’s probably not going to step up longterm. I don’t think it has anything to do with how fantastic and sireny you are because it sounds like you had a wonderful date…I just think something else is going on with him. You could be the perfect siren and he just doesn’t sound like he’s a “stepping up” kind of guy. What do you think?

    There are tons of guys who contact me on Match or eHarmony and regardless of how well I do with our interactions (being playful, confident, unattached to the outcome), some of them just never manage to step up. And if they do, after much delay, finally get around to asking me out, they never end up really entering “hot pursuit” of me if they’ve been so wishy-washy in the first place.

    The ones who have been diligent in pursuing me over the longterm have usually been fairly quick to try to make plans after a few emails or phone calls. Does that resonate with your experience?



  87.  #87Renee on August 13, 2010 at 3:24 am

    Tina — I’m with Jilly on this one…eggshell/truck man seems to really trigger you a lot. Do you think you’re learning anything here or just torturing yourself with all this drama? If you really feel you’re getting some free therapy with it, then certainly that’s a good thing, but it just seems that he makes you angry a lot. What do you think?



  88.  #88Renee on August 13, 2010 at 3:54 am

    I’ve been up since 4:30am and have so far cleaned my bathroom, tweazed my eyebrows, been to the drugstore to get cleaning/beauty supplies and now I’m catching up on everyone’s man situations.

    I’m struggling with my lack of desire to really want to see Robert — the local guy — tonight. He’s nice, attractive and txts or calls me every day, but I just don’t feel any “magic” there…I know, I know…this is just CDing and I need to try to use him for practice, but spending time with someone I don’t really have any interest in doesn’t really boost my self-esteem much…it makes me think that all I can attract are people I don’t want to date…does that resonate with anyone else?

    I’m still going to go and I’ve done my pre-date beauty ritual of applying self-tanner the night before and even went to the tanning bed, and those things make me feel good for taking care of my appearance, but I’m still feeling “blah” about tonight’s date. He asked me what I wanted to do…I don’t know — you’re the man — you tell me! We’ll probably go out to dinner and then see a movie…ho hum.

    I am cautiously optimistic about my date with Dr. Feelgood Sunday…we talked so easily on the phone that I know it will be easy to spend time with him when we do actually meet, but I want to try to firmly stand with my feet planted in the moment as opposed to having any expectations. I need to write back a few more online men to keep myself distracted! I also need to get more prospecting work done! I will do that today!



  89.  #89janjune on August 13, 2010 at 3:56 am

    i’ve grown cucumbers this summer. they’re delicious!
    i feel so in my own skin growing things working with food preparing it or tending it in the earth.
    i love the abundance of it how nature never intends to be stingy or withholding—like with seeds for instance. if you save one cucumber you have enough seeds in the one cucumber to plant say 200 vines. i only have two plants and i’m getting about 6 a day for the last month so in that one cucumber you have the possibility of nature planning for you to have, what?, over 30,000 cucumber possibilities.
    point is, i see that the way of the universe is
    generosity
    abundance
    lack of want
    in the garden it truly looks like the pattern of the universe to provide abundantly, ABUNDANTLY!
    so, too, it must be that we have been provided for in that way as well.
    i am really beginning to believe this.
    deep in my heart.

    started an herb garden this week because the plants were on sale for a dollar–too late in the season for them to sell, they were burned up, root bound and bedraggled, but brought them home, clipped them, fluffed their soil, loosened their roots, fed them and watered them and they make me smile to see them sitting out there in the shady spot looking all perky and healthy.
    and this reminds me that when people are brusied or neglected or hurt, they don’t look too pretty and don’t seem appealing, or useful or desirable, but when we care for ourselves even in the smallest ways,
    the beauty shows.

    made a gallon of home-made wine for the first time. will be making more 🙂
    peach, elderberry, concord, dandelion, apple, apricot, watermelon, mulberry, herbal, the possibilities and combinations… are endless and so are opportunities.

    made banana walnut bread today. DIDN’T mash the bananas, DIDN’T cut the walnut halves—- it has big gooey pieces of sugary bananas and huge walnut chunks, not little cut pieces and that’s the way i’m going to make it from now on—big abundant unscared chunky tasty voluptuous generous . i feel like i want to live life that way too looking for the abundance knowing it will come, knowing it is there no matter what “season” i’m in and if it doesn’t come in the usual way, don’t get shook up, just look for it to come in a different way, because it will be there, knowing it will be there.



  90.  #90Renee on August 13, 2010 at 4:07 am

    Janjune — you sound very “sireny” this morning — good for you!



  91.  #91Renee on August 13, 2010 at 4:46 am

    I love that I’ve been getting so much accomplished this morning. I feel powerful! It feels like I’m a winner because I’m doing things that need to be done! I’m going to keep accomplishing things this morning because it feels so good!
    I love my clean bathroom!
    I love my pile of mail that’s now been sorted through!
    I love the smell of the candle that’s burning in my family room and filling the air with goodness!
    I love that I was able to find the self-tanner I like at the store this morning that I haven’t been able to find in months!
    I love me standing up for me with my former best friend in court and that I got the money that I was owed!
    I love that I have volunteered to work on a Habitat for Humanity build this weekend even though I’m anxious about working outside in 100 degree heat!
    I love this time of the morning before it gets too hot!
    I love my morning Diet Dr. Pepper!
    I love the look of my skin with self-tanner on it!
    I love my long, shapely legs and full bust and flat stomach!
    I love my new Fantasie bra that provides the best support of any bra I’ve had in years! It’s my new favorite bra!
    I love my pretty pink toenails and French-manicured finger nails.
    I love my computer that’s missing keys and reboots itself randomly! It allows me to interact with wonderful, lovely ladies on this blog site and that makes me feel connected and that I belong!
    I love that I’m going to therapy to help myself learn to replace my NV’s with PV’s!
    I love that my sinus headache has finally gone away!
    I love feeling good on a caffeine high even though I’m running low on sleep today!
    I love this blog site and all the sirens who inspire me, question me and trigger me!



  92.  #92Jilly on August 13, 2010 at 5:15 am

    Good Morning Sirens 🙂

    Renee…I liked what you said about if a man doesn’t step up right away then he typically doesn’t even after meeting. This is my experience also…so why do I still want to date boss man?????? Arrrggg! cause he’s a challenge! lol I will not be texting him today…I feel good that I paused 😉 and didn’t text him last night. I feel clearer this morning…

    I had a CD yesterday and he sounds like Robert…he wants to go out again..but I already know it won’t go anywhere…we will see (I have to keep myself distracted from Sailor man…yummy!!). Let us know how tonight goes…;)



  93.  #93Jilly on August 13, 2010 at 5:18 am

    janjune…you’re banana walnut bread would feel delicious!! Big chunks of both…hmmmmmm…please pass the plate 😉



  94.  #94Renee on August 13, 2010 at 5:43 am

    Jilly — yah, I’ve got that same issue with wanting to date men who are a challenge…I’m working on realizing that the right guy for me will be the one who’s actually willing to step up, not the one I have to court myself…it’s not easy, though…that’s why I was writing about my dad being an alcoholic and emotionally unavailable earlier this week…I think that drives me to want me who are “not quite available” in some way in an effort to rewrite my history. Realizing I have an issue with that, though, is a good first step (I hope:-).

    So tell me about sailor man…when was it you last saw him? Have you heard much from him since then?



  95.  #95Jilly on August 13, 2010 at 6:05 am

    yes…I do have a history of dating emotionally unavailable men..I know this is a pattern..I’m aware of it.

    OH Sailor man 😉 So our last date was on Sunday night..he took me to dinner to one of my favorite places..I needed coffee for in the morning and he picked it up at the store for me before he came and picked me up (totally racking up points here lol) He’s a total gentleman but can play too. I told him he needed to play his cards right and he came back with telling me I need to play my cards right.

    Here’s the stats..he’s a software engineer..35..basically retired and races sail boats around the world for his hobby..he does have 4 kids though which I’m ok with… I haven’t had any triggers of “red flags” I feel i’m pretty good at catching them in the beginning

    he’s at lake powell right now with family, he told me he was going a few weeks ago right when we started talking..he invited me to go but I felt it was too soon and plus i have a “JOB” 😉

    anywho..so monday morning (and most mornings I get a goodmorning beautiful) and some texts throughout the day and a phone call that night…tuesday texts and a phone call before he left for powell with his brother and and kids and one text on wednesday (I started feeling needy anxious and vulnerable at that point lol) and yesterday I had quite a few texts that were really sweet…he comes back late Saturday night

    I want to keep the physical part on pause before I get too wrapped up in this guy…he said he’s looking for something serious and hopes I am too…this guys says all the right things..but in a way thats confident and not too cheesy



  96.  #96Jilly on August 13, 2010 at 6:11 am

    i feel he is too good to be true…only time will tell. I need to keep my options open so I don’t get sucked in. I haven’t felt this way in a while.

    He’s cute…someone I probably wouldn’t be attracted to right in the beginning…he asked if he could kiss me after the first date…and that’s when I started feeling the chemistry…his kisses are yummy he’s 6’2″ blonde hair blue eyes…some scruff…ok I’m drooling now lol my morning coffee had definitely kicked in because I’m chatty kathy right now!!



  97.  #97Jilly on August 13, 2010 at 6:15 am

    one more thing…we talked for about 2 weeks before meeting because he was doing his sailing thing up in seattle right when we started talking…then we had our first date..then we had another one a few days later..he cancelled plans to hang out…then I left for washington for work for a week then we had our date on sunday night..then he left for powell..and he said we need to stop travelling so we can spend time together… so it’s been good but we’ve both been busy..

    ok Renee are you sorry you asked??? lol ok i have to go to work now…ill be tuning in later tonight to hear how the date goes!!



  98.  #98nir on August 13, 2010 at 6:30 am

    I needed this … I need to pause and figure out what’s going on.

    I went back onto OKCupid and was browsing profiles and saw this one guy’s profile who had a hot picture and what he wrote really clicked with me so I favorited him. So then he wrote back and we actually went out.

    He’s a sweet guy but he looks NOTHING like the picture. More like William Shatner on the Priceline commercials (not the hot WS on the original Star Trek). Ugh. But we had a good talk and talked about getting together again. He’s on Second Life and I decided to give it a try, and we met up there once too and danced.

    I think I messed things up though because then I asked if he was on Facebook, and told him some personal stuff that was kind of intense without him asking. We had talked about going out tomorrow, but he just sent me a “friends” type email with nothing about this weekend.

    But now I feel confused. I don’t want to be his girlfriend — I don’t like him in that way. I feel more than a little angry that he posted an old picture, sort of a bait and switch. He doesn’t dance IRL, which should be a deal breaker for me. But I feel rejected and let down. I feel stupid, because it would be really hectic to go out this weekend anyway. Why am I angsting over this?



  99.  #99nir on August 13, 2010 at 6:35 am

    What I really need to know is how to answer his email? It’s not the sort of email I NEED to answer, but I feel like I should answer it, seeing as he did send it spontaneously. He is stepping up in his own way, it’s just not the way for some reason I wanted him to.

    This feels bad. Even though I don’t feel any spark for him I want him to be all into me? That feels like I’m using him.

    I feel depressed and sad. I accept and love my depressed and sad feelings.



  100.  #100AmberS on August 13, 2010 at 6:45 am

    Renee,

    Thanks for posting #90. I feel good reading it. I feel smiles.



  101.  #101Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 6:57 am

    Jilly, RE: #54 – Boss’s boss’s boss

    Wow, you’re really working your way up the food chain! I hope you feel proud of yourself! Here is what I heard…he was inviting you to a barbeque and you turned him down, and, yes, you were a little bit of a smartass. Which I thought was kinda funny!

    How is he not stepping up? He invited you to a barbeque!

    What is your question? How to do damage control? What people think of what you did?



  102.  #102Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 7:01 am

    Jilly, RE: #60 – Ok so I got to the part where you would like some suggestions for feeling messages. I am not sure xactly how you feel, but I will tell you how I would handle it. As the Queen of Learning by Error and Error, I would consider damage control a worthy enuff reason to lean forward. How bout this…

    I feel really bad about the way I handled your barbeque invitation. I really appreciate that you invited me, and I apologize for being a lil smart in my response. If the invitation is still open, I would feel happy to be there. What do you think?

    Or, if your plans still stand for Saturday,

    I feel really bad about the way I handled your barbeque invitation. I really appreciate that you invited me, and I apologize for being a lil smart in my response. I really wish I was free that evening, but it would feel good to spend time with you another time. What do you think?



  103.  #103Mercedes on August 13, 2010 at 7:06 am

    Thirtyseven: I hope you didn’t hit send on that email. Your post sounded a bit private, but you said something I want to address:

    “i feel injustice that men don’t obsess. i feel crazy chick when men get under my skin. and no matter how busy i am at work, how much i work out, paint my nails, cook myself dinner, clean the house……. i still just feel crazy obsessing underneath the surface. ”

    Men do this too. Maybe not the painting of the nails, but the rest of it. They obsess. They just try to hide it more than we do I think. They’re MUCH better than most of us at NOT sending that email or driving by or drunk texting or making up excuses to call or pretending they called by “accident” or “accidently” running into us.

    They are DIFFERENT in their obsessing, but the DO obsess. I remember when J and I broke up…I stormed out and pretty much let him know in no uncertain terms he was never going to see me again. He obsessed. Like crazy. After we got back together everyone at work and at the bar we hang out at said “Thank GOD! He was MISERABLE without you!” He was shocked. He thought he was hiding it so well. He thought he was acting normal. He thought nobody could tell. He was, as you say “obsessing underneath the surface” and then he started texting. And then he started calling. And then he became desperate to see me again.

    They do this. But they do it different and they do it for women they’ve felt an emotional connection with. And…it takes them longer to feel that connection than it does us (although some coaches would disagree…some say men feel it right away or not at all…I disagree) and it takes them longer to feel it deep enough to show it.

    Mostly, I just want you to know that the right man, if he’s hurting over the two of you, will obsess over you as much as you obsess over him.

    I hope this helps a little…but I’m not sure it will…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  104.  #104Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 7:06 am

    Lucy, RE: #76 – Wow, that’s awesome about your daughter on the front page of the paper and acting! I pray for her when I pray for you. That is so hard to go thru medical issues like that on top of all the usual difficulties and challenges of life.



  105.  #105Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 7:14 am

    Lucy,

    I feel sad when I read what you wrote about the song he’s busy writing for you. It sounds very poetic, and you could turn what you wrote above into another beautiful blue song. 🙂

    When I was in counseling in the early 90s, I expressed my feelings of rejection in regards to men. I wondered if I would never be a wife. My counselor said, “What do you talk about every time you come here??”

    “Men.”

    “Well of course you are going to have a man in your life! God wouldn’t have given you that desire if He didn’t want you to be a wife!

    “When a man doesn’t return your attraction, that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with YOU. It simply means he isn’t the right man for you. You will meet a man who is just right for you. Just rest in that.”

    Her words have given me much comfort and hope over the years.



  106.  #106Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 7:22 am

    Renee, RE: #87 – You said, “spending time with someone I don’t really have any interest in doesn’t really boost my self-esteem much…it makes me think that all I can attract are people I don’t want to date…does that resonate with anyone else?”

    Yes. It does. I have been a nerd magnet all my life, cuz I’m too nice. And I am really ready to date some men who I now believe are in my league.

    I am going with the program, cuz I do need the practice. But, based on the holding back of Balto and 62 to recontact me, I am guessing my uninterested vibe is really being felt by them.



  107.  #107Renee on August 13, 2010 at 7:24 am

    Well, I’m a bit confused here…Dr. Feelgood sent me a message yesterday afternoon, why I replied to and asked him a general question. He didn’t reply to my message all evening (ok, so maybe he was busy), but I just logged into Match and can see that he’s currently logged in! (It has the “IM Me Now” icon, which means he’s currently, actively logged on…now I don’t know what to think. If he has time to log onto Match to talk to other women, he has time to reply to one little measly text from me, especially since he hasn’t taken the time to firm up our plans for Sunday.

    I really want to txt him something and I know I shouldn’t, but I reeeeaaaaally want to…hrrrmph! And I was feeling so good about everything this morning!



  108.  #108Renee on August 13, 2010 at 7:25 am

    That should be “which I replied to”, not “why I replied to”…guess I’m typing too fast!



  109.  #109dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 7:31 am

    Hi Lucy, it’s me, Dorothea, ever the optimist.

    Maybe he’s not gonna ask you out again.

    Maybe he got serious with a different date of his

    Maybe he was abducted by aliens and he’s being cruelly probed, thinking to himself right now “if I had just driven to see Lucy again sooner, I wouldn’t have been at home to get abducted.”

    But who cares. Every CD has a message and his is probably that the quality of your dates and attraction level you feel towards your dates is increasing. He was just ushering in all the new wonderful men.



  110.  #110Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 9:03 am

    Haha Dorothea! I was going to say the same thing to Lucy… That maybe I am being unrealistically optimistic. Aliens probing. Yes! Should have gone to see Lucy sooner.

    In my experience, sometimes men move slower than we women would like at first. No biggie as long as we stay on our horse. I feel worried and sad when I hear Lucy deciding that he doesn’t like her. She is such a lovely soul. How could he not? Who knows why he hasn’t responded yet? If I could direct and create my perfect scenario, I would have Lucy continue to feel good about herself, not give him a second thought other than to appreciate how fun their date was, and then when he does show up, she’ll be in her power and blow him away with her confidence and alluring feminine energy.

    Yum!!!



  111.  #111Renee on August 13, 2010 at 9:12 am

    Knocksoftly — Why don’t you write down 10 things you like about yourself and try some deep breathing exercises. It sounds like you do regret having sex a little bit…regret letting yourself feel vulnerable like this and that’s why some of us aren’t cut out for sex outside a committed relationship.

    Having said that, there could be a myriad of reasons why you haven’t heard from him. Perhaps he got bogged down with some things at work…maybe he’s still processing what happened and what it means (or putting off processing it because he doesn’t know what it means). I wouldn’t let his lack of contact so far this morning drive you nuts…he’ll probably be in touch later today and you’ll have spent all this time worrying for nothing:-).



  112.  #112Turtle Girl on August 13, 2010 at 9:13 am

    Janjune#88

    What a beautiful post about abundance.

    I also love to garden. It is in my bones. I had several tomato plants this year that got late starts, looked bad and small. I planted them anyway. I fed them, clipped them and put them deep in the ground.

    I planted basil, French thyme and Greek oregano in my herb garden raised bed. Those were late too, but if I care for them they might still produce for the season.

    My apple tress although young have forty or fifty fruit on them. Looking forward to biting into a big juicy apple in November.

    You are right abundance is everywhere, 200 seeds in each of us ready to be planted. If we do not have someone in our life to care and nurture us then we care for ourselves until someone shows up.

    We are like nature, a part of nature, and thrive when cared for. Just as the spirit of the creator is in those seeds, the spirit is in us and we should honor
    that and take care of our ourselves in body, mind and soul. I am not a Christian but I love the quote about the body being the temple of the holy spirit.
    So true-the holy spirit is us and whatever the goddess is in us and when we do not honor that in the highest and love ourselves, we are not happy.

    Thank you for your wonderful post. Enjoy your cucumbers and garden! xxoo



  113.  #113Renee on August 13, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Ok — so I leaned forward some with the Dr….my cell phone service was out most of the day yesterday, so I started wondering if he had, in fact, even gotten my reply. So I sent him a msg that said, “I feel weird writing this, but my cell phone service was out most of the day yesterday (AT&T had a major outage) and I was wondering if you’d received my txt.”

    He replied saying he just now saw that message and asked me how I was, but I just sense that he’s backing off a little…he was sooooo amped up to meet me 2 days ago, but now I’m wondering if he’s been talking to someone else closer to his city. I mean, his reply was nice and all, but he didn’t seem to be in as hot of pursuit as he was, and that, plus the fact that he was logged onto Match for quite a while this morning…I guess, if he ends up blowing me off, he’s just not the guy for me, but it’s a shame because he really seemed like he was stepping up and had potential.



  114.  #114tinque on August 13, 2010 at 9:24 am

    All this talknof gardens. Oh I so miss my garden in LA. sad face. I wonder how my onions and garlic are doing and all my thirty plus herbs, cooking, medicinal, and face and body potion. I wonder if my tomatoes and cucumbers came back.
    We started a pot garden here, no not that kind dorothea. K wishes. Herbs for cooking, but things grow so much more slowly here. Still I have fresh herbs, yum. What shall I make tonight.



  115.  #115dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Renee, that was an experiment in leaning forward. I can see it felt bad. Yay successful experimenting! Write the conclusion down in your “Curious Scientist Studying Myself (the most interesting and complex topic on the planet)” lab book and keep it in mind for the future. You did a very good job in taking care of yourself by experimenting with leaning forward, because now you have a conclusion about it and can use it to better care for yourself moving forward. I feel impressed and proud of you girl!



  116.  #116dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 9:37 am

    LOL Tinque. Big W Whatever haha.

    I came home this morning from my LI’s house (I’m experimenting with staying at his place all week…no major conclusions. It’s just whatever. I’m starting to want some space to myself because I am feeling a little vulnerable with him, and I need to ground myself again so I am going to go back to living in my apartment all the time) to a dead pet frog in the tank and one of the bigger fish trying to eat him. Gross. I named that froggie after my boss. Can’t wait to creep him out by telling him about how he died in my fish tank. Yeah I’m weird like that.



  117.  #117Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Dorothea,

    LOL! You’re ill! 🙂 I like froggies. I have a finished basement apartment that opens to the backyard, which is pretty swampy near the back. I had shooed two toads out in the past week, when I got up one morning to find a big toad in the dogs’ one gallon water dish! It was pretty funny! He was just looking at me like, “What? Isn’t this where I belong? I like water!” I took the dish outside and poured him and the water out. LOL!

    I wanna hear another story about a frog…turning into a prince! 😛



  118.  #118dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 9:54 am

    My LI was such a frog. He pursued me for over a year before I was like, wow I am really in love with this guy.



  119.  #119Renee on August 13, 2010 at 10:00 am

    Dorothea — I’m not sure whether it was a success or a failure…with the irregularities in my phone service yesterday, I suppose it is possible that my message didn’t get delivered on time…it’s possible, of course, that he just didn’t feel like answering.

    At this point, however, I let him write the last message and I’m simply leaning back and going to let him row if he so chooses…if he doesn’t contact me at some point tomorrow to firm up our plans for Sunday, I will tell him I’ve made other plans if he waits until Sunday to make contact…w/txt messaging, there’s just no excuse for waiting until the day of for confirming your plans.



  120.  #120dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 10:13 am

    the plans confirmation thing drives me crazy. once this guy asked me to go to the comedy club with him a week or two out and then never called to confirm. the day of the comedy show came around and about 2 hours before it starts he finally contacts me asking where to pick me up. i was like uhhh i never heard from you again so i made other plans. he was pissed but he did ask me out again.



  121.  #121dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 10:14 am

    i also bet he never left a girl hanging on plans that long ever again. you’re welcome, guy.



  122.  #122Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 10:14 am

    Dorothea, HE was pissed? Ugh!



  123.  #123dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 10:20 am

    yeah he had got the tix, borrowed a friend’s car…went through some trouble. it was supposed to be our first date.



  124.  #124Renee on August 13, 2010 at 10:31 am

    I had a similar thing happen years ago in college…I met this guy out one night (he was a friend of some friends) who asked me to their fraternity formal for the following weekend. I said I’d go and then I didn’t hear a word from him until the night before…I told him since I hadn’t heard from him, I’d already made other plans. I was such a bit**, I offered to fix him up with another girl from my sorrority, but of course, he declined…bet he never left someone hanging that long again, lol. Oh, but this guy never did ask me out again (not that I really cared:-).



  125.  #125Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 10:51 am

    Since TN man and I are now Friends, I told him the story about WH, and here is his response:

    “Oh yeah, you totally blew it on the glasses thing, definitely. Do you have his phone number? You probably need to call him. Why do you get so silly like that? If he was asking you to meet why didn’t you just do it?”

    I feel curious reading “Why do you get so silly like that?” — because he is obviously implying that this is not the first time he has seen me “get so silly like that”…… and it makes me wonder……



  126.  #126Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 10:52 am

    I made tentative plans last weekend with both Balto and Green Man for this weekend. I haven’t heard from either of them. I am not waiting by the phone, either. Actually, I am hoping Bill finally steps up and asks me out for a date outside of work! It would feel good if I had plans with Bill and then one of them called. Snark!



  127.  #127Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 10:54 am

    LG, it feels good (and a lil bittersweet) reading #108. I will try to do as you wrote….. Thank you for believing in me. <3



  128.  #128Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 10:54 am

    Lucy,

    Interesting. Maybe because he thinks you shouldn’t put so much thot into every little thing a man does or doesn’t do? Ask him why! I’m glad he is still in your life as a friend. Is he still with interloper girl?



  129.  #129Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Maybe my message with WH is the one TN man just gave me — “Why do you get so silly like that?”

    I wonder why I get so silly like that…..



  130.  #130Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 10:57 am

    I wonder how I can stop getting so silly like that…..



  131.  #131dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 11:00 am

    We gotta be careful with taking directive advice from men about other men. They almost always advise extreme leaning forward. They are coming from a masculine perspective and generally give crap advice haha



  132.  #132Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 11:05 am

    Brenda, he hasn’t said anything about interloper, so I’m guessing she’s still with him….

    A few days ago I kinda was thinking that maybe she’s a better match for him than I am b/c neither of them has kids.

    And lo and behold, I found out on my date with WH that he has three kids around the same ages as my three kids — and we both have two boys and one girl. 🙂 I know it doesn’t really mean anything — well, actually it does mean something — it means that we have some common ground with parenting, which is a great thing — and his love and care for his kids is as deep and genuine as mine is for my kids — I could tell — and we both love babies and will both be very happy to be grandparents —

    Oops, sorry LG, I’m not supposed to be thinking about him other than memories of the date….. Although that convo was part of the date….. What do you think?



  133.  #133Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Dorothea — then that would apply to male dating coaches as well, like Evan. TN man has actually studied dating and relationships a ton and done his own research — could easily be a dating coach himself — is actually similar to Evan in many ways (which is neither good nor bad — I don’t always agree with Evan’s advice and perspective).



  134.  #134Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 11:13 am

    When I talk to men about other men, what impresses me most — and what I learn the most about — is the inner, vulnerable, scared feelings that men feel around the whole dating and relationship thing. It always surprises me — even the most outwardly confident guys.



  135.  #135dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 11:17 am

    Coaches are “professionals” like Rori is. My girlfriends aren’t on board with the Rori stuff either.

    I dunno, i think boys give the worst relationship advice except for “give it time.” that is some good advice.



  136.  #136Daria on August 13, 2010 at 11:18 am

    Dorothea in my experience u are rite about men usually giving crap advice that is very lean forward. I feel surprises amused and dissapoinred when I get some like that.

    It might even include something about “what I did wrong”. Which is not usually helpful. Men like women I think are not turned off by stuff that makes them feel jealous or mad- like women circular dating.



  137.  #137Daria on August 13, 2010 at 11:20 am

    Haha yes about hive it time. Or idonno… Don’t worry about it. Or u gotta call him and tell him how u feel, or.. That’s why u need a new man. – like me.



  138.  #138Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Reading “crap advice” feels bad to me. I feel protective of men being judged as giving “crap advice.” I feel angry about men being judged as generally giving “crap advice.” I love and respect and believe in men who sometimes have the emotional intelligence and objectivity and insight to NOT give crap advice to women. I love men who are smart and capable this way — like TN man.



  139.  #139Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Funny I just talked with Kenny about that this morning. He was encouraging me to call Balto and Green Man to firm up weekend plans. I explained to him that is okay for him, and he is used to operating in masculine energy. But I am going to lean back and let them cum to me, I mean come to me. After some back and forth discussion, he sort of got it. He’s VERY masculine energy, which is prolly why I survived a marriage with him with all my overfunctioning. He still outdid me in masculine energy! LOL!

    It feels good to be feminine. I am liking this a whole lot. Waterwheel. My favorite of all of Rori’s tools.



  140.  #140Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 11:26 am

    I still like teddy bears. Bears are cuddly.



  141.  #141Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 11:27 am

    “I dunno, i think boys give the worst relationship advice” — yeah, but I’m talking about men, not boys.

    “Coaches are ‘professionals'” — all that means is that they are using their knowledge and expertise to make a living — other ppl can have just as much knowledge and expertise and just be doing other things for their career — TN man could easily do what Evan does and get very good results for women.



  142.  #142Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 11:30 am

    I deleted Ryan’s phone number. I was finally ready. I did it a few days ago, so I could be solid in this before I told you. Case closed.



  143.  #143dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 11:50 am

    boys, men, u know what i mean. splicing semantics doesn’t prove points! just admit i’m right and you’re wrong and all will be right in my universe again, kk thanks!
    haha.

    i feel funny today. vulnerable to everyone ever. ayy ayy.



  144.  #144AmberS on August 13, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Wow Brenda!

    HUGE GIANT SIZED STEP FORWARD.

    That ROCKS! YOU ROCK!

    I feel so good reading that! How do you feel?



  145.  #145dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 11:58 am

    lucy saying “crap advice” is just how i talk.
    please know the following doesn’t have anything to do with you, i have a recurring trigger.

    i am trash, i am thrashier than other people so no one decent will ever have respect for me. my LI’s parents are guarded because they think i’m temper tantrum trash, my ex said i was trash and i should just kill myself, i feel stinging in my thigh muscles OUCH I AM NOT TRASH EXCEPT I REALLY AM, I REALLY BELIEVE I AM GARBAGE, and i blame everyone who ever told me i was literally trash.

    i feel angry at myself for letting what other people say about me determine how i feel about myself.

    this is how i talk. i have a linguistics degree. that is a piece of paper that says with authority that i know how to talk ‘right.’ in linguistics there is no ‘right,’ there just is communication. i feel angry about the judgments and emotions that stem from language use. I feel angry and sad that I willingly let that victimize me. that is my CHOICE i guess. I feel low on myself when someone doesn’t see that i am a smart girl or that i am educated because of the way i choose to speak.

    Why can’t I feel equally disenchanted because they are so hung up on a little thing like the way someone talks when, scientifically and according to every language expert to have ever lived, the way someone talks reflects little more than social sensibilities?

    This is my life’s study and I am still so triggered, oh i feel so ashamed!!

    Both my trashy parents abandoned me because i was trash, and everyone I need to impress can see that all over me.

    I feel exposed and vulnerable today.



  146.  #146Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    In this case, it is more connotations than semantics.

    I am not trying to prove a point. Or make anyone wrong.

    I don’t want to hear boy voices (masculine) judging men.

    I would feel better hearing girl voices expressing their personal, authentic FEELINGS around everything.

    I feel GOOD hearing caring advice from wise men who know as much as dating coaches even though it’s not their chosen career — my father, too, is a very wise men who would not give “crap advice” to women about men. He is smart, loving, wise, and able to see beyond his own male perspective.

    And I also feel good hearing advice from men who KNOW ME very well — like TN man, or my dad.

    “Haha yes about hive it time. Or idonno… Don’t worry about it. Or u gotta call him and tell him how u feel, or.. That’s why u need a new man. – like me.”

    That’s the kind of stuff 25 says if I talk to him about other guys — 25. Boy. Not the kind of MAN I’m talking about here.

    Oh I guess he’s 26 now though. Texted me and asked if I would let him go down on me for his birthday. Yeah right.



  147.  #147Daria on August 13, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    ufff. i did it for me but now it feels like i did it for him. i chased him down all the way and now i feel foolish and afraid of feeling humiliated and bad

    i am now leaning back and now i feel afraid that i will feel dissed if inever see him again,

    i did again crapola feel into my old patterns thats ok.

    back on the bridge tralala

    feeling jumpy and exposed to arrows



  148.  #148dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    seriously lucy, i meant the same thing boy/man. i feel misunderstood but it’s not your fault. language is funny this way.

    i feel curious and am very much in the rabbit whole of a trigger of being “trashy.” thank you for the trigger for real. it would feel nice to heal this in me!



  149.  #149dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    there is no connotation to splice either, because both signs (words) representing the idea are pointing to the same thing in the end. i guess there’s no way of you to know this since we don’t know each other and you’re not familiar with me or my friends and colleagues use of the term boy to positively refer to men, and you can’t hear my voice through this computer. so instead u get triggered.

    la la la i don’t want to talk about this anymore. i feel myself getting caught up. may i please go now lucy? hehe. i’ll be back later for sure to see how everyone’s doing.



  150.  #150Daria on August 13, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    I? feel super invested in him

    this feels bootsy

    i feel mad at myself

    it feels like im under his control

    i have the power

    the nvs are on me tough like



  151.  #151Daria on August 13, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF!!! WAAAAAAH

    i feel angry… i feel afraid and weird… i feel like people are watching me enjoying seeing me down — thanks nvs

    waterwhell of love to me

    whaterwheel of love to me

    i LOVE ME

    the universe loves me

    this is a GREAT feeling to practice feeling

    i love me yeah!



  152.  #152Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Dorothea, I knew you meant the same thing — boy/man — my point was that the two words can also be USED to illustrate the concept that some men are more mature in their relationship abilities, knowledge, wisdom, objectivity, etc. than others — thus the boy/man differentiation for this particular purpose. I was utilizing the flexibility of language, to which you alluded in your last post. 🙂



  153.  #153dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    what you’re saying feels like three hops and a couple of jumps or skips from how simple i was being when i said boys. but it feels fun to ponder language. i feel so triggered. what is my deal. i’m going to take a shower. ciao!



  154.  #154Apple Jacks on August 13, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    I agree with Amber. Congrats Brenda. We can put “Ryan Schmyan” to rest for awhile *giggle*

    Interesting discussion about the male coaches. They used to trigger me till I came to apoint where everything made sense! There was a time I used to feel my blood boil in my solar plexis between my ribs when I would read them. Then suddenly one day, I started to feel a calm, meadowish breeze in replacement. Honestly, I feel like I NEED to have both voices of boy and girl coaches. I feel mistrustful when I get too one sided within myself. I love my girl, I love my boy too. And sometimes, leaning forward feels pretty darn HOT. But only when the situation calls for it of course. Rori is always a calming, meadowish voice in my solar plexis.



  155.  #155Tina on August 13, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Eggshell Man is on his way here, were going out in the woods too look at wild animals, were bringing a gun just in case we see a moose or something. It’s not my way of fullfilling my need for freedom, setting my own direction and doing all that but it will be fun. I have to do something that will fullfill my needs, thanks lizzie! I wonder how her campfire is going? did she burn all her shit? lol. I agree Eggshell Man does trigger me and Im aware or at least becoming aware of SOMETHING. DUNNO



  156.  #156Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    Lol, no worries, dorothea, you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. I’m not actually triggered by your use of boy. I tried to explain my intent in #150. As a writer with credentials as well, I respect that words do indeed carry connotations — which can vary situationally, culturally, personally, etc.

    “Boy” can have wonderful connotations when referring to mature men. I call WH “gypsy-boy” sometimes, and we both like that. I love how Simply Shannon almost always calls her CD’s “boys” — affectionately and without negative connotation.

    I feel misunderstood as well, and that we have gone down an unnecessary rabbit trail.

    I need to see if I can find this quote I love from Mister Rogers…….



  157.  #157Daria on August 13, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    i put myself in a position to get played – for the thrill of it – and now im feeling anxious and insecure as hell

    i threw myself under the bus for fun, ufff, i feel sad now

    i keep losing track of this being fun for me, it was in the moment now it doesnt feel fun

    i dont like putting myself in that position, i feel so stressed and insecure after

    thank u



  158.  #158Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    This isn’t the exact one I was looking for, but it’s close:

    “Love and trust, in the space between what’s said and what’s heard in our life, can make all the difference in the world.” (Fred Rogers)



  159.  #159Mercedes on August 13, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Daria: I know how you feel. I used to be very much like that…and always felt bad after. Maybe it’s no longer fun for you because you are more ready than you have ever been to move to another level? A level where it’s real and lasting and fun at the same time rather than imaginary and temporary and fun?

    I don’t know and in your situation here, I’m not trying to give advice…but you are bringing back memories for me…memories of my own insecurities based on spontaneous decisions that weren’t in the best interest of my heart.

    I’m thinking of you and sending positive vibes…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  160.  #160Daria on August 13, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Thanks Mercedes! I feel really seen and strengthened



  161.  #161Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    “i keep losing track of this being fun for me, it was in the moment now it doesnt feel fun”

    Daria, I feel for you. I can really relate to that statement above. You know what I do that might be something you want to try?

    Instead of actually going through with those things that feel like they might be fun for the helluvit, I play it out in my mind (yeah, fantasize lol) — the whole damn thing that I am actually considering doing in real life — I did this with taking the train out to see TN man and doing a threesome with him and interloper — played out the whole thing in graphic detail in my head and with my body (yes, my body) — and it felt incredible and amazing and fun and yeah!!! But then, after it was over, and my mind continued the scenario….. I knew that it would turn out not being fun for me in the end — no matter how good parts of it felt in the beginning or the middle. And it helped me decide not to go do it in real life.

    I feel embarrassed and judgmental of myself thinking that this is not a new or novel idea and who am I to suggest something not new or novel to another siren. But just in case it helps….. <3



  162.  #162Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    I love what you wrote to Daria, Mercedes!

    “Maybe it’s no longer fun for you because you are more ready than you have ever been to move to another level? A level where it’s real and lasting and fun at the same time rather than imaginary and temporary and fun?”

    That’s exactly where I am right now. In fact, this morning on pof I changed my goal from “dating” to “long term” — not that I’ll stop CD’ing, but to reflect (for myself, really) my feeling that I am ready now for what is “real and lasting (and fun).”

    Thanks Mercedes. <3



  163.  #163dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    yay i am feeling better and i am feeling interested in what you write lucy. my LI is a writer and I am a writer too but i am a linguist at heart…it’s hard to switch into a specific role with language like a writer when my head is constantly filled with bouncing observations on how everyone uses language differently.

    i swear studying linguistics has made me a much less effective communicator. i’m too “in it”.

    i feel like a mad ghetto scientist.



  164.  #164Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Lucy: I feel good hearing that you liked reading my post and also a little weird about the bittersweet part. I feel worried that I might come across as harsh sometimes and I want to clarify that I don’t mean any harshness towards you. I think that you might be picking up on some frustration I have towards your NV’s. I feel pissed when I hear them saying discouraging things about my friend Lucy. I feel pissed and frustrated when I hear their pessimistic voices. That frustratation isn’t directed towards you at all. I feel very warm feelings for you. Those NV’s… Not so much. I feel weird saying that because I’m thinking Rori would say “love the NVs” but ugh. I feel mad when I hear them putting my fellow goddesses down. So if it seems like I have a little edge to me sometimes, please understand that that’s where I am coming from and please know that I really do believe in you and want what you want for yourself.

    As for you mentioning the kids thing…well, that seems to me like remembering positive aspects of the date and I feel okay with that. Of course only you know why’s best. Did you feel good remembering that part?

    The way I take what TN man said about you being silly is that he is referring to your NV’s as well. Or your doubt and worry and assuming he doesn’t like you when really everything could be okay.



  165.  #165Mercedes on August 13, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    You are very welcome Daria…I felt a real connection with what you were saying and a pull to let you know that.

    Lucy…I like your idea of playing it all the way out…all the way, past the fun and into what would or could potentially be the reality of the aftermath.

    And then…after I allowed myself to really experience the feelings I would have after, I would maybe take it a step further and reverse that fantasy and actually visualize myself feeling incredibly powerful for standing up for my heart and for having the strength to save myself from pain.

    Anyway…just me…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  166.  #166Tina on August 13, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Triggers, triggers and more triggers, Im kinda looking forward to it now.

    Daria, Im going to zap you with my Warrior Goddess Woman thingy, now get back up on your horse girlfriend! 🙂



  167.  #167Renee on August 13, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Brenda — That is soooooo awesome that you deleted Ryan’s phone number!!! I would delete the phone number of the old flame that still pops up in my world on occasion, but I still know it by heart:-(.

    AJ — I guess I’m still a few steps behind you because the male coaches still seem to trigger me… Christian Carter doesn’t that much, except he just sounds like he’s talking in circles to me, but maybe that’s just me…



  168.  #168Mercedes on August 13, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Oh…and then borrowing Tina’s Warrior Goddess Woman thingy to zap that original fantasy all to pieces…

    Just a thought…



  169.  #169Apple Jacks on August 13, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Hey Renee,

    thank you for writing me. 🙂 It takes some time. I was just so determined to learn and understand that I kept with it. Or else I was very tempted to just quit reading that altogether. I was unattached to the outcome and thought, it couldn’t hurt me to read this stuff and expose myself, and just read. Even though I was triggered, I wasn’t invested either and then one day BAM. I felt like I finally GOT it. I had a shift, and the results were pretty miraculous in terms of how men were around me. Pretty cool when I think back. 🙂



  170.  #170dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    this is awesome, all the sirens are in one place right now. we’re just missing alicia and turtle girl.



  171.  #171Daria on August 13, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    Thanks ladies –

    ok groan maybe its me, ive now actually contacted my brother to GET the phone number of an old flame i want to call him and see what he thinks about meeting my sexual needs

    lol i feel embarassed and silly and afraid – umm this might feel weird emotionally too daria… yes it might feel cool tho too…

    i feel confused im not really trippin tho i love me ANyway

    i talked to my Godkids they were at my brother’s house i MISS THEM

    my Godson wants me to drive to the fair to meet them, i said i don’t know

    i havent talked ot my sis – their mom – their dad says theyre living not great over there doesnt want to talk aobut it – i dont believ e it about the kids but i feel worried about my relationship with my sister

    i want to feel close to my sister

    i feel glad to have talked to my Godkids

    i feel desperate for reassurance from a man

    it’s all good

    i feel curious about this feeling woa yeah

    im learning stuff



  172.  #172Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Thanks so much, LG! The “bittersweet” part was me agreeing with you that it was sad and worrisome that I was listening to NV’s. 🙂 I felt no harshness from you — just tenderness and love.

    I did feel good remembering the part about the kids….

    I love and very much appreciate what you wrote about TN man’s comments. He knows my NV’s very well, so you are probably right!

    <3
    Lucy



  173.  #173Daria on August 13, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    I’m on a trigger Daria mission, she’s already triggered… i want to sexually satisfy Daria, I am taking all chances to sexually satisfy her… i feel afraid…

    Daria feels desire for sex, i must fulfill it for her, it is my duty

    i am Daria Pleaser,



  174.  #174Lucy on August 13, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    “Oh…and then borrowing Tina’s Warrior Goddess Woman thingy to zap that original fantasy all to pieces…”

    YES!!!!!!



  175.  #175Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    it really doesnt matter much what i do as long as im loving myself yeah. i love myself throughout all this, i am attempting to make myself an adventure, yeah this feels like an adventure

    then i will feel excited to get something good, yum

    im thinking too hard,

    im feeling tightened up in weird ways,

    i feel tight

    i love my tightness



  176.  #176Tina on August 13, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Well, im out. Mercedez lol it works good eh?



  177.  #177Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Dorothea: Now I feel pissed at your NVs as well! WTF?

    Who are they to call my friend trashy? You are not trashy!!! Now I’m pissed. I will squash all the NVs down and smother them. I am the NV killer! I am the goddess super hero against NVs. I will squash them all!!!

    Nobody talks bad about me or my friends! NOBODY. Who are these elusive NVs? Where do they come from?

    Argh! I am laughing goddess super hero. All NVs run for your life! You’re not welcome here!

    Ok. My NVs are telling me I’m crazy. But I’m not buying it. I’m completely sane. Bwahhahahaha.



  178.  #178Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Dorothea, RE: #143

    I feel your pain in your vulnerability. Just love your inner self, damaged parts, weak parts, parts that feel like trash. And know that you are infinitely valuable.

    Did you see the movie, “Bringing Down the House”? I like how Queen Latifah comes in talking in the typical black lingo, and Steve Martin asks her if she’s so intelligent, why can’t she speak normally?

    She said in plain English, “Oh, I can do that. Wow, I just love what you’ve done with the office! It’s so spacious, so sterile, so boring!”

    Then she returned to her usual lingo, “Why do I want to do that? That’s not who I am! I know how you speak! You’re kissing everyone’s a$$ and walk around so tight all the time.”

    Near the end of the movie, Steve Martin is moving out of that same office where he was so uptight. His boss tries to convince him to stay. Steve smacks his butt and says, imitating Queen’s accent, “You can kiss my natural black a$$!”

    It’s really what’s in the heart that matters, isn’t it?



  179.  #179Tina on August 13, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Daria, thats what the zap thingy does 🙂



  180.  #180Mercedes on August 13, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Tina: Yeah…it sure does! Thank you!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  181.  #181Apple Jacks on August 13, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    I feel soooooo hungry. It’s Ramadan and in the third day. Fasting from food and drink begins from dawn till dusk, and the it’s loooooong this year. 15 hours. Besides food and drink you also refrain from sex from Dawn till dusk, so no sexual fantasies *hangs head.* That one’s hard lol.

    One thing wonderful about it though, is that it’s a great opportunity to relate it to Rori’s teachings of being soft and vulnerable. The point of Ramadan is to do exactly that, bring you back to your vulnerability. No food or drink can bring the strongest and machoest man to the point of sleeping like a baby and just not able to do the hard labor work they used to do during the 1400s I believe in the hot Arabian desert. You eat and drink under the sof light of the moon. Moon, the symbol of softness and tenderness as opposed to the sun, which is harsh and hot.

    Sorry for going off on a tangent there, but this is a great time to practice feeling messages for me. have not been very good at those lately I admit.



  182.  #182Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    i am in search of personal power, my solar sexus wants it, yeah how can i feel personally powerful right now, i feel personally powerful growing already

    yum

    i want sex! lol! i love my feelings

    i am so choppy water adventure

    i feel panicked i am tightened up, i feel oh nooo

    i feel like move move move to cover up the feelings

    men relax me uff

    i can feel the motor in my tummy i love feeling the motor in my tummy i feel smily about this, make scared face for feeling fear, now i feel excited



  183.  #183Apple Jacks on August 13, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    That’s supposed to be soft, not sof. *Giggle* I love my lightheaded mispellings….mommy I’m so hungry….



  184.  #184Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    If i were reading these posts i would think…

    Daria NO?OO?OO don’t contact an old flame what are you thinking??? pillow smack….

    just lean back and let them contact you

    ” BUT I AM RESTLESS AND i want to be arouNd people NOW!”

    and i want sex NOW

    ok i love you. hugs. ok. lets get you what you want k. sushi.

    sushi.

    you want sushi and taco bell

    ok
    i can do that

    money is dropping out the sky!

    which is great

    more please to pay my bills

    and more sex

    i think i couldve gottne more sex the other nite but i freaked out and blocked it off too

    thats ok

    i love me

    im actauly feeling pretty good now

    with myself

    i feel proud that im suxh a sexual creature

    raurggh

    im a sexy wild cat



  185.  #185Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Wow! When Rori wrote the post about our inner drama queen, I couldn’t relate at the time but now I’m getting it. It feels good to let my protective momma bear super hero NV slayer out. I love this wild woman I have inside. I feel weird celebrating my angry slayer side. I also feel good doing it.

    Bwahahaaha. I am a force for good. I am not fooled by these nasty voices. I can see them shaking in their boots. You should be scared NVs. Your time is coming to an end.



  186.  #186Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    hi Apple Jacks – i loved fasting. my fasts are different in that theres like no animal products to be eaten the whole time for like a month or more.

    it feels very whats the opposite of profane. i feel like a priestess i feel secretive and magic and deep and in tune



  187.  #187Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Lucy,

    Why do you get so silly like that? 🙂

    Let it go…semantics, triggers, he said, she said…

    Like water off a duck’s back.



  188.  #188Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    uhoh

    i feel sad

    im listening to Tenderoni

    i want to feel loved

    i feel not loved

    i feel like im blocking men at a certain distance

    by getting both “friendlike” / or intense and sexual

    i love me

    i dont feel safe thinking i might be with someone that i might marry

    i feel icky thinkking of this cuz im still triggered by my highschool boyfriend

    he was so into me and i felt smothered and icky

    i felt slowly turned off to sex with him

    this sux

    sigh

    i want to feel good and easy and secure and happy

    i want to have more than plenty to pay the bills

    i want to have more than plenty sex that feels good



  189.  #189Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Amber,

    Thanks a lot for the kudos! It took me over a year, but I finally felt ready to end my connection with him.

    I feel a combo of good riddance and deep sadness.



  190.  #190Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    my love, belongs to a Roni…. she’s my only love

    i feel sad

    i miss this guy i was getting closer to awhile back

    security man

    but now i remember this scene where this girl was yelling at me in front of him

    and i felt somewhat unprotected and i feel humiliated and not good enuf in front of him



  191.  #191Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    im crying now

    i feel sad

    i feel so relieved that my body found the sadness and tears in this

    i love crying



  192.  #192Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    if im with a man all the time i wont feel safe or open enough to cry really hard

    he’ll freak out



  193.  #193Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    Dorothea: I do not love your NVs. I do not love them at all. Maybe I’m wrong for saying this but it’s honestly how I am feeling. I do not like anyone saying you are trashy. I feel good that you are expressing it outloud. I feel good that you are acknowledging what they are saying but I do not love them. I do not even like them. Boo! Blah!

    I suppose NVs have some sort of purpose but I don’t want to see that right now. It feels better to express my anger for them. I don’t feel like being open and understanding towards them. Right now it feels better to express my pissed offness. I love my anger. I love my warrior woman. I love myself.

    FU NVs. Don’t talk bad about me and my friends!!! I will squash you but the annoying little bigs that you are!!!!



  194.  #194Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Bugs…not bigs. Bugs!



  195.  #195Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Daria: your NVs are next! I am going to squash them!!!

    My friend Daria IS good enough. She is lively and strong and expressive and open and if they say anything other than that they are going down!!! She is on a wonderful path to a wonderful life and she is doing great exactly where she is and I love her so much so get off her back and leave her alone! Get out of her way! I will squash you like I just squashed this mosquito buzzing around me.

    Daria is my friend and she is a beautiful soul and if you whisper any more nastiness in her ear you will burn in the fire.

    Okay, I feel better. This warrior woman thing is fun!



  196.  #196Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    LOL! Laughing Goddess you Rock!



  197.  #197Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Ahhh I’m judging myself as crazy. Who am I to express my anger? Who am I to think I can stand up for myself? I should be peaceful and loving and sane.

    Well blah! FU NVs. I can be wild and crazy of I want to. Nobody second guesses a momma bear protecting her cubs from danger. I am a momma bear protecting my inner cub. I am wild and fearless and I love my wild crazy self!

    FU NVs. FU



  198.  #198Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Haha! Thanks Daria. I feel a little on the borderline on insanity but it feels good. I feel powerful and strong and real. You inspire me with how honest you are about what is going on with you. I feel good. I feel ready to go and face my day. 🙂



  199.  #199Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Agh…

    I will feel better if i have sex. esp receiving sex pleasure stuff.

    right?

    i think that’s gonna make me feel better

    im not ok or adored unless im in some man’s arms – Rori e-letter

    hmmm

    im ok and adored anyway

    i feel so panicked

    right now by myself

    im absolutely NOT ok i am focusing on nothing just running around like a chicken with its head cut off tyring to shake the feeling

    of being lonely

    and

    not ok

    its not ok to feel lonely

    its ok to feel loney

    ahhh that feels sad and sinky

    i don’t like feeling this way that way

    i Do like feeling excited and giddy and adored

    i feel like doing damage control and shutting all my heart and access doors

    i love my feelings

    whats a really great thing that would happen right now

    that guy calls and says he wants to see me tonite and he wants to please me and then he kisses me and says hes really liking me

    ok that would feel fun and thrilling

    and after i would feel calm and relaxed and bored

    like berore

    and i want to feel BETTER than before

    i want to feel good

    i am feeling panicked of not having fulfilled my want and need to getting the sexual satisfaction i was looking for

    i felt like i took a babystep to it but now im wondering if it was in the right direction and if it wasnt i feel lik ei gave up some of my energy

    i want my energy back
    one momen

    i don’t like this feeling of feeling desperate and starved for sex

    it feels confusing

    there are men around that want to sex me

    and i don’t feel like thats the sexi want

    i want to feel good

    i can do this

    i am loved

    i am majorly triggered and this is a good thing

    every lil noticing is a great step into suddenly unravveling this knot and stepping into Joy and Receiving



  200.  #200Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Brenda: it feels super good to read that you deleted his number! I understand your feelings of good riddance and deep sadness. I can envision a time when you are looking back on this and so thankful that you created this space for a wonderful man to come into your life by letting go of something that wasn’t working for you.

    I’ve been doing lots of decluttering of things in my house and I have had a challenging time with it. What makes me feel better is envisioning that I am giving what isn’t serving me back to spirit and creating space for new and better things to come into my life. You know that saying “nature abhors a vacuum”? That’s what I’m talking about. Letting go off the old to create space for new. It will come. I promise you better things will come.



  201.  #201Daria on August 13, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    umm i feel a lot better

    i discovered that i was having the belief “i never get sex when i want it”

    and i just did ask and receive on it

    and now i feel all calm

    like umm

    its all good that i did that, and everything is cool and fine, and of course im gonna get sex if i want it

    yay

    that felt nice

    more beliefs..



  202.  #202Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Daria: I feel weird. I feel scared to offer advice because I don’t want to be in boy energy and I understand that you are working through your triggers and I don’t want to interfere with that but…

    I also felt inspired to say that when I am feeling down sometimes it feels better to just stop… Stop thinking about the past and just go do something, anything that brings me joy. For me that would be going to a dance class, or playing drums, or reading an inspiring book, or going for a walk. Something that isn’t dependent on anyone else and something I know I am not going to regret later.

    Anyways, like I said I don’t want to be in boy energy or offer unsolicited advice and I understand that you may be doing exactly what is right for you right now in this moment.

    I know you will receive the pleasureable sex that you want. I know it is coming. And I know it will be mind-blowing. And I feel excited to hear about it!



  203.  #203Renee on August 13, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    LG — I agree w/Daria — you rock!!! If I could borrow your NV slayer for a quick second or two, I’ve got some powerful ones they could slay over my way, lol.

    Dorothea — We are all a little trashy, somewhere deep inside…that doesn’t have to mean “bad” or “dirty”…it can just mean we remember our roots or our anger or our fear or our feelings of not being good enough…everyone feels that way at times…and remember, Hank Williams Jr. likes his women just a little on the “trashy side”:-).



  204.  #204Daria on August 13, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Laughing Goddess —

    thanks ! thats a great idea, channeling. right now i am working this ask and receive tool and its working .

    ohh

    phone call from cd coming thru



  205.  #205Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    Oh wow! I didn’t see your last post. Glad to see you uncovered a blah belief and are now replacing it with a better feeling one. I feel relieved that you are feeling better. I dunno. Maybe I shouldn’t let things get to me but I feel sad when I read my sisters suffering. I can see though that important discovery often comes from that suffering.



  206.  #206Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Laughing Goddess, RE: #198 –

    Laughing Goddess Vacuum Tool!!!

    Wow, that is a powerful piece of writing! You are hitting the nail on the head for me! Thank you!

    You are xactly right!! Humph…breathe out like I do when the chiropractor compresses between my shoulder blades and it feels like such a good crunch release of tension and stress!

    I am making room for precious Bill! I have felt half stressed all day fighting the temptation to go talk to him at his desk…he is right down the aisle now instead of in a different building.

    And I just got my reward for leaning back!! He just came by my desk to say good night and have a good weekend! As soon as his handsome face appeared at my desk, I leaned back in my chair! I love it, love it, love it that this stuff is beginning to be second nature!!!!!! Awesome!

    I am finally, finally getting it, after decades on this planet! I lean back, and it makes room for a man to lean forward in my direction! I stop chasing, and it feels so extra good when he comes to me. Such new, wonderful feelings!

    And then you talked about decluttering! Bingo! Spot on, as you English women say! I am all about that, this weekend! It is my mission, since so far neither Balto or Green Man have stepped up to confirm weekend plans.

    Feng shui, here I come! Clear out the drawers for Bill! Only what serves romance gets to stay on the countertops and walls! Rearrange my kitchen so protein shakes and morning wake-up coffee are easy and fast!

    Time for a NEW LIFE with weight loss, a new relationship, dating, whatever, lovely friends, order…

    Bye bye, blackhole of depression! Hello vacuum! You are welcome to usher in my happy ever after! **Giggles!!**



  207.  #207Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    Renee: oh yes! You can borrow my NV slayer. I’ve got your back! Those NV are now powerless in the face of our stength. I am laughing at them as they squirm and make lame little efforts to make us feel bad. They know their days are numbered! Haha. Puny little bugs. Awww, now I almost feel sorry for them. They just want to feel good but they are confused about how to go about it. Look little guys, if you want to come over her and feel good with us you are welcome but no more of the negative judgments about my friends! You wanna play nice, you can stay. You wanna be little F-ers, you’re going down!



  208.  #208Brenda on August 13, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    LG #205 – Funny stuff! LOL! I sent my NVs with Lizzie to burn them at the stake! A few stayed behind but I sent them to Tinque to put them in the corner and feed them a cookie to keep them quiet! LOL!



  209.  #209Daria on August 13, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    ok maybe not cd is like basically canceling with me because of assuming i would be coming over and we hadn’t talked

    now he wants us to drive together to do errands, im expressiung how i dont likethat

    but now he has to do errands oh no i feel so disappointed i was really lookin forward to relaxing with him

    this feels bad im feeling very unloved, this feels bad

    i felt megatriggered and like ripping his head off, i felt more triggered than usual because i felt sensitive that feeling passed



  210.  #210Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Brenda: re #204

    yes yes yes! I loved reading all of it. I feel so excited to read about the wonderful adventures that are being ushered in to your reality. Wow! Feels so exciting!



  211.  #211Renee on August 13, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Brenda — I feel so happy for you that you are really ‘getting’ this stuff and that things are coming around for you! It sounds so positive — I just feel happy that you’re feeling happy:-). I know we’re both learning here, but hearing that you’re learning so well is encouraging me that I CAN get better at this stuff!

    Daria — would it feel better to run errands with this guy and not be alone or would it feel better just to be alone with your feelings right now? What do you think?



  212.  #212Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Daria: Do you feel like there’s any way you can go with him and have fun? I feel optimistic that maybe it is the universe offering you an opportunity to go out and have fun. Maybe it doesn’t look exactly as you wanted but maybe there are some gems in there that you can experience? I’m not suggesting you accept bad behavior, but I just wonder if there’s noy some opportunity to have some fun. Like you are just having this fun experience and it has nothing to do with his behavior, you just choose to have fun for the fun of it.



  213.  #213Jeannette on August 13, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Girls, I am sorting of starting to miss going out…my current b’friend (old friend coming back), as I said before is on disability and we just stay at home most often, pop popcorn and watch movies…..getting sort of old. Any new ideas on how to go out on cheap dates? Yes we have been to the park and out for walks, just need some new ideas. I still would prefer it if he would take me ‘out’ more often. BUT, I know he doesn’t have much money…very sweet otherwise….just after a long hard week at work, I would like to be spoiled a little. What do you think? Yes, we have talked about marriage…no ring yet, but that is all he talks about. We have known ea other since kids, we were childhood sweethearts….still love him….



  214.  #214Apple Jacks on August 13, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Hi Daria,

    I know the fasts you speak of! Awesome. I wanted to go on a apple fast before this…but I just dived in. Hope you’re feeling better? Sigining off for the evening. Nice seeing all of you again. 🙂



  215.  #215Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Wow! I used the word fun in that last post A LOT. I feel amused wondering if that’s what I need right now.

    Renee: haha. I feel amused at how similar our perspectives were in the last few posts. I feel appreciative of resonance and synchronicities. Makes me feel in tune with magic.



  216.  #216Renee on August 13, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    Jeannette — How about going to a community theater production? There are usually plays and tickets are usually like $15 in my area. Also, check for community events online like art festivals and things like that. You can also sometimes find nice happy hours that have free food…sip on a drink and fill up on hors dourves.

    Sometimes the local ballroom dancing places have open Friday nights where you can learn a few dance moves and mingle with people. Or there’s always learning something new like going to those Home Depot Saturday morning/afternoon classes and then you could fix up the house on the cheap!

    Just a few thoughts:-).



  217.  #217Turtle Girl on August 13, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Awwwww Dorothea-
    That is so sweet of you. Saying all the sirens are here except Alicia and moi.

    I appreciate that. I have not posted much for a long time. It is FINALLY summer here in my neck of the woods after a really long cold spring and well, with fall already just around the corner, I am doing my thing in my garden, riding bikes, riding motorcycles, taking walks, hanging outside as much as possible. This blog can wait!!! Summer fun!!! Woooo Hooooo!

    AND-lots and lotzzzzz of cd’ing and new men and better men are showing up all the time. I have a couple professing their love and I have given them both the no boyfriends speech and both are still hanging around!!!! Yeah!!!! This stuff works — so awesome.

    So-in a very good mood, not crying over ex toxic man any more and on my way to a healed heart and maybe a husband and some point before too long.
    Life is good. I am grateful for all you sirens, my good health, the sun, my garden, good friends, a good life! xxxooo to all



  218.  #218dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    laughing goddess, thank you for having my back. i feel warm fuzzy hugged and wrapped up with love and protection.

    i really needed that today. thanks for the love.



  219.  #219dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    i started feeling angry again after a discussion the other night with LI about us spending so much time together but never having dates planned. i really don’t like this.

    so i was sitting with him keeping him company while he painted my boss’ new house (he hired him) and realizing we didn’t have plans. ever. no plans for anything in the future. just me showing up to keep him company every day. and i voiced the other night that i didn’t like this (and i’d mentioned it a bazillion times before and he promised to do things differently, but now he says he didn’t cuz he got ‘comfortable.’).

    i said, u know…i am feeling angry and not good sitting here thinking i am not getting the work done i need to and we don’t even have any plans for any time in the future. and so he tried to make plans for tonight and then for tomorrow night and i said, “it doesn’t feel good accepting invitations that immediately follow my extreme nagging. i just don’t feel good about this whole thing.” and he said he wanted me to stay and said he was trying to make plans now. I said more than 3 hours or 20 hours notice would feel much better, and i said i don’t want to sit around here and feel angry and resentful. and i left.

    i feel glad i left. the reason he hasn’t been making plans? my fault really – i deliver myself to his doorstep daily so there’s no reason for him to bother. he even said, “well we have been spending so much time together lately that i didn’t even think to make plans with you.” and i said, “i know, but i deserve plans, and i feel bad thinking about all the times i’ve said this before and was told it would never be a problem again.”

    i’m fillin up the proverbial dance card. i want my life back now, thanks.



  220.  #220Renee on August 13, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    OK, sirens…help me…I just don’t know if I’m cut out for this CDing…how can I spend an entire evening with someone I have absolutely no interest in? He talked about food (I know all about which foods he likes and how he likes to cook them) or his hairlip (it’s subtle and I thought at first I’d imagined it, but I didn’t) or the fact that he has a 15-yr-old son whom he calls “my boy”, as in, “my boy and I went to the movies this weekend” (don’t know why, but it just really irritates me that he calls a 15-yr-old a “boy”)….argh! I’d rather be w/Indy guy or Dr. Feelgood…anything but hairlip foodman! I tried to listen for a “message” but I just couldn’t hear one…

    How do the rest of you do this?



  221.  #221dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    renee, i try to practice tools and feeling messages and leaning back in interactions with guys like that. free therapy. but i find myself closing up and wanting to flee because i’m like LOL i don’t feel very interested in you. i feel way uncomfortable in those situations.

    next time i will be sure to let them know i am feeling uncomfortable. i’m talking about random guys out in the world who want to talk to me on a daily basis and ask me if i have a boyfriend and if they can call me.



  222.  #222Renee on August 13, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    This was a guy I’d been out with once before, but we were at a party so we didn’t have to talk that much.

    As boring as he is, he’s actually very sweet and deserves someone who’s “into” him…but it’s just not me. I have this problem whenever I try to date around…after the first round of drinks, I sit there, leaning back, to see what he has to say (or ask) and try to just enjoy myself…even with shorty pilot (whom I knew I could never be comfortable with longterm) I enjoyed myself a decent amount, but then they always want to kiss you, and if I’m just not into it, I don’t know how I deal with a kiss…I’m disappointed…not in him as much as in myself…I didn’t take away any messages and I wasn’t honest with him…he just sent me a sweet txt msg telling me he hoped my “headache” was better soon…argh! I have to level with him at some point….frustration!!



  223.  #223Rori Raye on August 13, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    nir, Welcome – and the answer to all your questions is the same: Get over analyzing and thinking about any one man and keep dating. Love, rori



  224.  #224Rori Raye on August 13, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    nir – great Riffing…now…answer if you want to, make it simple. Love, Rori



  225.  #225Rori Raye on August 13, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Rose, Welcome – and thank you for the link, I know many are interested in Scripture and in interpreting it for the realm of relationships – but that’s not where I’m coming from…just so you know, I generally do not encourage discussions centered around religion or religious thought or interpretation in any way…sorry you’re not resonating with my work, thank you for visiting and sharing your thoughts and feelings. Rori



  226.  #226Rori Raye on August 13, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    girl – sometimes just going for a walk somewhere can loosen you up. Try meetup.com and go for hikes and just talk with people. You’re feeling triggered because you’re likely activating some tasty pieces of your subconscious. Go for it! Love, Rori



  227.  #227Jilly on August 13, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Renee…i know it’s not funny but the picture in my head when you describe your date is hilarious!
    I’ve decided for myself that if I absolutely know that I’m not interested..then I don’t go…it’s not worth it to me…cause then I have to do what you just did and then say I’m not interested.

    Brenda…thank you for your feeling messages..I think it was #99. I actually did just that…about 430 today I text him that I felt bad after we texted and that I was being a smartass…(leaning forward experiment)
    he texted back that he’d rather talk to a smartass than a dumbass any day..and I shouldn’t worry about it and that he like our conversation
    me: was the comparison necessary? 😉 ok I wont worry about it then

    that was it for me…

    then he kept the conversation going til just now

    I’m going over to his place for the bbq for just a little bit..not very long..(I’ll start drinking and then it will be over and everyone from work will know!!) I do know my boundaries with alcohol!!

    I only got one text from sailor man all day…
    HIM: We hiked so much today. It was awesome. I am exhausted. I got up at 6 to go skiing. And have been running all day. Wish you were here.

    I feel weird..I haven’t responded yet…I feel vulnerable after having sex…I feel scared…I don’t feel as safe and secure as I did… I feel unsure how to respond to his text since he didn’t ask a question or anything like that. I feel myself closing off…this is typical of me fear+ vulnerable = walls go up I don’t feel like I have my power back from him (concerning him) I feel I want to run away, close down my heart so I can’t be hurt again..no one can hurt me again if my walls are up…



  228.  #228Jilly on August 13, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Dorothea I liked what you said in #223 I liked the whole thing!! you go!! that was awesome…it feels good to see examples like that…you were totally on your side!



  229.  #229Jilly on August 13, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Brenda good for you for erasing R’s stuff…wahooo!! Baby steps!!



  230.  #230dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    Yeah Brenda that is way awesome.

    LOL I remember when I deleted LI’s number and when i brought it up to delete it, i freakin memorized it on accident.



  231.  #231dorothea on August 13, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    i got carry out twice today. i went to a super fancy restaurant for lunch because i always wanted to try it and their lunch menu is affordable, but i felt so unworthy and self conscious going in for carry out.

    then i just walked to another place and my NV’s were literally telling me i had no right to go alone on a friday night to get myself something delicious to eat.

    wtf nv’s! i am realizing they say this a lot but i have never checked in with myself to see how i feel.



  232.  #232Buttery on August 13, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Is it leaning forward to give a guy tech support?….lol

    He’s been having computer issues but he isn’t very tech-savvy, whereas I’m pretty good with computers, so i offered to help fix his laptop when i see him tomorrow… lol….how masculine of me.

    It feels good that I’m able to use my skills to help him.



  233.  #233Laughing goddess on August 13, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    NVs blow.

    I’ve been dealing with my NVs about something coming up. My landlord called me earlier this week to schedule our yearly walk through tomorrow. It’s a bit earlier than normal and somewhat unexpected but he’s going to be in town and wanted to get it taken care of. I have been stressing all week feeling worried that I am not good enough and he won’t like what I’ve done. I’ve been so stressed out cleaning up the yard and the house and making a dump and recycling run. Then I talked toba friend today and he said “what are you so worried about? You pay the rent on time, the house feels good. I bet he’s going to be super stoked” and it’s true. What am I worried about?

    So I’ve been visualizing myself having a good time with the landlord, laughing with him, him being stoked about the garden I planted and how I’ve cared for the house. I can’t believe how much I’ve been stressing about this. My sweet LI has been helping me get the place ready. I feel so appreciative of that. It will feel so good tomorrow when it’s all done. Yay! I feel so excited to relax and move on. And a side benefit is that my house is now super clean and I got rid of a bunch of junk that I didn’t need. Yay! I am so excited to get this over with! Of course he will be happy. I pay my rent on time and I don’t cause any problems. This is going to be easy and fun!



  234.  #234Daria on August 13, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Activating activity LEAN BACk

    as of now Daria is leaning back! yeah



  235.  #235Daria on August 14, 2010 at 12:07 am

    hey so i actually asked myself – and him – the question would it feel better for me to still go…

    and we did

    and it felt ok the first part and SUCK?Y the second part

    CD is starting to relax on paying for stuff and also wanted to drive my car which i let him but also realized i dont like it – like the more i do him favors – which isnt a lot, this is like the 3rd or 4th, the more i feel devalued, and he like does less it seems…

    now he’s complaining about some money we came up together – that still really should – and did – go to me

    and then he got me gas but did not fill my gastank up

    i was under the impression he would

    AND i got myself sushi – i wanted it – but still

    i felt better about him being outside the store

    i am guessing he is short on money – but i really feel upset that he is hinting that he wants some of the money that we came up on together –

    that feels really bad

    especially cuz my other cd who i know loves me told me that the guy is a good guy for not asking for any of that money, and its the right thing to do

    and now he’s messing it up

    ehhh

    im feeling triggered

    i felt like i was liking myself less… especially after feeling so triggered with the O?THER cd on sex the night before

    sooo

    now im feeling kinda mad at both of them

    and am totally gonna lean back in general



  236.  #236Daria on August 14, 2010 at 12:26 am

    Knocksoftly –

    yes a bridge is this bridge we are on to OUR happily ever after in a wonderful committed relationship with a brilliant man

    we are on this bridge, looking and babystepping to our forever after

    men will show up and lead us to our forever after… on our bridge…

    or they may get us all caught up in them and have us fall in the pits off the side of the bridge!!!!

    but never fear, all we have to do is place ourselves back on our bridge

    to our forever after… and our forever after man will show up and lead us there on his own



  237.  #237Daria on August 14, 2010 at 12:27 am

    Circular Dating is like our bridge — the goal is getting to our forever after… one babystep of honesty and femininity at a time



  238.  #238Daria on August 14, 2010 at 12:28 am

    “bridging” from uncommitted to committed, its the 3rd way, instead of breaking up with a man or waiting for him forever and giving ourselves up



  239.  #239Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:09 am

    I feel discouraged

    my voice says NONE of my guys like my dating terms – picking me up, paying for everything, non-exclusivity

    I feel sad

    I feel not good enough to be treated well – by men who have a different way of doing things –

    a lot of men i know don’t do the above –

    or do they do it secretly with the girls they like?

    probably – seems like it

    i feel not good enough



  240.  #240Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:14 am

    i feel resentful

    i feel like pullback strong

    i feel like watching them go… where did Daria go?.. feels exciting

    i feel angry and disappointed and heavy “bad” energy

    i feel disappointed taht the main cd that was treating me good is starting to treat me not so good

    that feels bad

    i feel afraid to express myself in the moment – in front of another person…

    and also…

    on eggshells

    it didnt feel good

    now i don’t feel close

    i feel resentful

    i feel distant

    i feel unsafe

    i feel mistrustful

    i feel – I knew the other shoe was going to drop –

    this feels sad

    this feels disappointing

    back to being lonely

    back to no one treating me well

    back to being sexually desperate

    i have these recurring thoughts everday

    they are being generated by my patterns

    i love my patterns
    i love me



  241.  #241Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:15 am

    Knocksoftly – no problem glad to help. thanks!



  242.  #242Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:18 am

    i feel afraid and tense – i don’t want to turn a man off by saying – well i only date men that pay for everything on a date –

    that feels scary and i feel afraid of rejection

    just seems like it would trigger a man, even one who pays for stuff, to NOT

    i feel tired and exasperated of dealing with this



  243.  #243Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:22 am

    i feel concerned that using that as a rule – though it IS my freakin rule — ok i feel concerned about the way im communicating it – that i feel insecure about really deserving to be treated that way

    i mean who do i think i am

    just cuz im a girl that makes me better than a man?

    dont you know these are hard times?

    a man and a woman both have concerns about money, so who do i think is gonna take care of me?

    i want people to take care of me like a baby – no one with emotional health or self esteem is going to do that

    that is really demanding, selfish and uncaring …

    greedy, golddiggerish, using people

    why are you single? no wonder you’re single

    well im single because im very demanding and i expect for a man to pay for everything on a date.

    oh

    well no wonder

    you’re spoiled

    its the new era

    no man trying to earn money wants to spend his hard earned money on a woman

    especially not you

    what do you have to offer me?

    you dont have much to offer me

    nothing

    i love me



  244.  #244Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:25 am

    i feel jealous of girls who get their everything paid for. i know its in the vibe cuz it was jsut in my vibe.

    i feel disappointed that i felt uncomfortable receiving and that i’ve allowed myself to tolerate stuff that did not feel good

    i feel all tense and pouty

    i really wanted it to workout with these men but now i feel like axing them and running away

    i feel disappointed tho because i invested some time and caring feeling in them…

    really?

    yes i feel worried that without them ill feel terribly lonely

    i love my feelings



  245.  #245Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:34 am

    i feel more distant emotionally now… i feel attracted to you physically but i’m feeling less loving and more resentful and mistrustful emotionally

    this doesn’t feel good

    and i don’t want to stop getting close to u

    what do u think we could do

    ?

    im feeling kinda desperate… i feel sad because i feel both closer and more distant from you emotionally

    .. im starting to have feelings for you and at the same time i feel resentful about being treated in certain ways

    and i feel pretty hopeless about us solving this, but it would feel great to be able to feel close and safe

    what do you think?



  246.  #246Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:45 am

    hey you know… ive been feeling uncomfortable about something… is this a good time to discuss it?

    yeah sure what is it

    well.. ive been feeling a bit weird… at first i felt great with you and really taken care of , and lately as things have been progressing i feel a lil more tension about money, and errands, and basically the focus slipping off of trying to impress and please me

    and i feel less special and a lil bit sad

    what do u think ?



  247.  #247Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:47 am

    i dont want to run errands, pay for stuff when im with a man who is interested in me romantically…

    and i feel really awkward saying this, because i feel a bit unworthy to be treated that well

    but i really feel better to say it and tell the truth…

    what do you think?



  248.  #248Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:51 am

    how would it be to tell a man i dont want to pay for stuff when im with a man i feel interested in romantically

    … AND i feel unworthy to be treated that way ((( the words selfish, spoiled, demanding, bratty , gold digging come to mind)

    AND i still don’t want to compromise on this – i do believe deep down i deserve it and am looking to be around men who think so too so that i get into the practice of allowing myself to be treated well

    and who WANT to make me happy — unlike you!!!

    and who WANT to give to me — unlike you!



  249.  #249Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:54 am

    when im with a man who is interested in ME romantically – i don’t want to pay for stuff. i don’t have to be interested in him. but if he’s interested in me… he’s trickin

    ohhh “trickin”” how i will reclaim you when you come to me WORD.

    this word is my arch enemy

    all men don’t want to give to me because they feel bad, that they are being used, they are “trickin”

    ufffff

    i feel really kinda bad

    blah

    i think it is trickin too… and that is not something to respect someone for, its a put down

    so how to navigate this internally? and thus externally?

    i guess by acknowledging my feeling of unworthiness?

    only ugly men or low self esteem men will be willing to trick on me – wah thats bootsy

    that doesnt feel good



  250.  #250Daria on August 14, 2010 at 1:56 am

    i feel really attracted to you and i really really want to continue this with you… and im feeling worried… i don’t want to get down with a man who doesn’t go down on me… this feels really important for me to feel honored and loved… i believe i deserve it and i don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t think so …

    what do you think?



  251.  #251Daria on August 14, 2010 at 2:00 am

    oh yeah and i also dont want to pay for stuff when im with a man thats interested in romantically…

    and i feel a lil bit unworthy of that because im so used to ideas and thoughts of trickin… and etc… and i dont want to hurt or exploit a man i like… it feels difficult to speak clearly about this… i really Do want to be treated well and to me that means not paying for stuff when im with a man…

    i dont want to be with a man who doesnt think i deserve that…

    and i feel disappointed that you think its using you and getting over on you.

    i dont want to do that and i feel like im honoring my man when i receive from him… and i feel like he’s honoring me…

    what do u think we could do

    i fele angry and like bashing your head

    what do u think about that



  252.  #252Rori Raye on August 14, 2010 at 2:03 am

    Buttery – let us know how it goes…Love, Rori



  253.  #253Rori Raye on August 14, 2010 at 2:04 am

    Daria – Just want to give you lots of hugs…Love, Rori



  254.  #254Rori Raye on August 14, 2010 at 2:06 am

    Yep — men are just like us – only different…Love, Rori



  255.  #255Rori Raye on August 14, 2010 at 2:10 am

    Knocksoftly – first off – give yourself a HUGE hug, and change your thought right now, this minute to I will not judge myself for anything, or label myself – because – I really don’t know anything – and neither does anyone else. My job is to accept happiness as best I can, as much as I can…Love, Rori



  256.  #256Daria on August 14, 2010 at 2:10 am

    the dude who startedout treating me well but lately seems like is falling off is doing stuff like

    making lil comments like “ohh i feel like a cheap whore” i think this was about the gas…

    i told him i think he should feel like a happy man lol.

    he’s like you’re using me for gas. im like ummm… im doing u a favor letting u drive my car

    hes like i thought you were givin me your time. im like um yeah. but this counts as a favor. me

    doing you

    a favor

    of letting u drive my car

    hes acting like he wants to make this a habit

    i feel disappointed

    he was treating me well

    and when i started giving back – i even bought him a taco yesterday

    little things started popping up

    ugh

    i feel disappointed

    .

    he’s acting like im using him a lil bit with the side comments

    and i feel guilty like i am

    tho really he’s lucky that he’s been getting me to come over by offering to smoke with me

    this just makes it more convenient for him! not just me

    yeah it felt nice, so i did

    but now that im probbly not gonna smoke anymore…

    whats gonna happen?

    cuz i dont like going to a guys house just to chill… i like going out

    and you don’t really drive like that buddy

    so you’re probably gonna fall by the wayside and start acting ruder and ruder cuz youre feeling used but really

    ure not

    cuz i was giving u my time

    ummmph

    i feel frustrated

    …..

    i find myself snapping at him… with little ‘witty’ things

    ….

    i feel disappointed

    … i feel tense

    i feel resentful

    i used to feel great! – but scared for the other shoe to drop

    grr

    i dont feel liked as much as before

    i just wanna run away



  257.  #257Daria on August 14, 2010 at 2:15 am

    Rori – can you address a quick scripting thing?

    men are often triggered by my expecting them to pay for everything when we talk about it

    – they worry they are ‘trickin’ and will be used and foolish –

    i don’t want them to feel that way! i want them to feel powerful and good giving to me?

    how do i communicate my desire without triggering them to defensivness?



  258.  #258Daria on August 14, 2010 at 2:16 am

    Thanks for hugs.

    I went to Goddess Circle on Yemaya and am now feeling very much more self esteemy than earlier today

    still poking around in there for more messages.

    need scripting help with this “trickin” thing



  259.  #259Rori Raye on August 14, 2010 at 2:17 am

    Mercedes – so nice to have you back! Love, Rori



  260.  #260Daria on August 14, 2010 at 2:18 am

    I want you to feel powerful and manly and good when you serve me! Even when you’re “trickin” i want you to know that you’re doing it for a good cause and for a woman that deserves it and appreciates you!

    And that it makes you a better and wiser man.. a man who is more in the habit of providing and protecting…

    i don’t want you to feel bad or foolish or less of a man!!!



  261.  #261Daria on August 14, 2010 at 2:38 am

    Hmm… Wats up with this concern over how a man feels. I want one that I feel feminine and taken care of with.

    I want to give them space to naturally want to impress me… And I feel concerned that so many men are hypersensitive to being used that I’m being seen as a mastermanipulator who wants to use men

    Ok. I feel sad and also exited by this.

    I love my desire to manipulate . I lovely desire to love and be inspired…



  262.  #262Renee on August 14, 2010 at 4:26 am

    Jilly — my description was kind of meant to be funny (I have a smart a$$ sense of humor, lol), but it was accurate as well. I found myself feeling not good enough for the really “great” guys because I was out with a guy who doesn’t have as easy a time getting women to go out with him. I can understand why (he’s not particularly smooth and the hairlip thing is bound to be a turnoff for other women too), so being out with him didn’t feel good…maybe that’s the take-away here…I only feel good being with men I perceive as “good catches” because then it feels like I’ve accomplished something by having them ask me out as opposed to the other women they could have been out with that night.

    Because I knew I wasn’t interested, I found myself feeling guilty for ordering a $30 dinner…and then felt guiltier when he sent that sweet good night message saying he hoped my headache felt better. It feels good to receive from men who are appealing to me and not so good to receive from men I feel like I’m using…I suspect this isn’t the way Rori would prefer I feel, but I do.

    On the other hand, Indy guy txted me at 10:45pm…all he wrote was, “Hey there;)”. I waited until this morning to write him back because I was tired and I also wanted him to think I was still out on a date…it did feel good, however, that I had been leaning back prior to this contact…he had txted me Wed and I was hoping he’d ask me out for this wknd, but he ended up abruptly cutting the txt conversation short when he said he had to go and that’s the last I heard from him until last night. I didn’t reply to his final txt Wed…I just figured I’d lean back and see what he did, and while that was hard at times because I like him and would like to see him again, I wasn’t about to lean forward again (I had been the one to ask him to go with me to see the play last weekend because I already had tix to go, and that felt like leaning forward). He drove 2 hrs (with no AC) that night to see me, paid for dinner and drinks that night, etc., but I was still leaning forward a little by asking him in the first place and knew I needed to lean back.

    So anyway…this morning, I simply txted, “Hey there — how’s ur wknd going?:-)”. I feel a little frustrated about his not having asked me out for this weekend when it seemed things were going so well last weekend (he commented on how we had ‘major chemistry’), but I’m feeling better about leaning back and not as attached to the outcome because I have other men who are interested in me and a date with Dr. Feelgood Sunday night.

    Here’s hoping that Dr. Feelgood contacts me today to firm up our plans for Sunday! I leaned back with him too, not replying to his last txt so I don’t appear over eager…we’ll just see how it goes…I think I’m going to write back a couple of other men I’m communicating with right now to stir up some more CD activity.



  263.  #263Renee on August 14, 2010 at 5:25 am

    Wow — Dr. Feelgood and I have now been matched on all 3 dating sites I’m on — Match, Chemistry and eHarmony…sounds like we have a lot of potential according to the cyber-dating Gods, lol.



  264.  #264Jilly on August 14, 2010 at 5:58 am

    Renee…I feel the same way…my coffee CD on thurs was nice but there was nothing..he kept saying..I don’t know what to ask you…in my head I was like (well…figure it out!!) I was determined to go though because I was feeling all needy about sailor man..
    then on my way home this guy who I was supposed to go out on a date with about a month ago, asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie and eat junk food…I was like..”are you for real???” I felt totally turned off…didn’t even use my feeling messages…I feel turned off and icky by him because he the past few texts have been last minute “let’s get together” when I say no he says “you need to live a little”…yuck!!! I’m just venting..this last story isn’t really relevant lol

    anywho…so indy man…I feel that waiting until the morning to text is a good thing

    so you have…Indy man, Dr. Feelgood and just recently Robert?

    I feel better this morning about sailor man and I know it’s because I’ve had so much attention from boss man….yummy!!! my vibe feels all sireny and I know good things are happening when I feel that way!!!

    Boss man text me goodnight sexy and I just left it at that (we’d already said goodnight earlier lol) I love leaning back!!

    Where is Siena? I want to know what’s happened with her #1 CD guy



  265.  #265Jilly on August 14, 2010 at 6:08 am

    that’s interesting that you’ve been matched on all 3!!! he better step up!! lol

    When i’ve just been drinking my morning coffee the !!!’s come out full force lol

    When I went out with brazillian pilot guy (he picked the place) I ordered a 25$ meal (that was average for the menu)…then he ordered a some drinks and went with an appetizer??? I just shrugged my shoulders and enjoyed my myself and then he ate his and wanted to eat mine too…WTF!? lol he told me that was the first date he’d been on where he wasn’t being interviewed and it felt great (I was not attracted so I was super leaned back but still having fun) anyway after that I felt a little bad and I’m feeling better about maybe not ordering expensive dinners…I don’t know…just a thought for a first date or if I’m not interested…he’s the one that called me six times in one day while I was working and then asked if I missed him…I did use my feeling messages that you guys helped me with though 😉



  266.  #266Jilly on August 14, 2010 at 6:13 am

    I have sailor man and boss man…i am going to work on getting one or two more in the rotation..

    K here’s something amusing…Sailor man asked me if he said he didn’t want anymore children would I have cut him off as that being a deal breaker…I told him no, but it might change things a little…and in my head I was like “I need 3 in my rotation so you could hang out a little longer” 😉



  267.  #267Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 8:14 am

    Jeannette, RE: #217 – Cheap Dates

    Some musuems are free or cheap. For example, the Philadelphia Art Museum is free on Sundays. I am not suggesting you travel to Philly, just saying maybe in your area there are things like that.

    Tubing or canoeing
    Carnivals or fairs
    Community movie in the park night
    Church special events
    Arboretums – see trees, flowers, butterfly houses
    Camping
    Day trip to a park with swimming
    Coffee



  268.  #268Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 8:21 am

    More Cheap Date Ideas…

    Go sit on a hillside and paint a barn together
    Local dance
    Community paper often has many unique events
    Art show
    Kids talent show at a library
    Reading to kids at a library
    Volunteering together doing anything you both enjoy
    Walking around a mall
    Laying on the grass imagining the shapes of various animals in the clouds
    Sit at a diner with coffee, two pens, and two pieces of paper. Each one writes the first line of a poem. Switch papers. Each one writes the second line of each other’s papers. Switch papers. Repeat. This is the most romantic activity I ever did!



  269.  #269Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Jilly, RE: #231 – Hey, I’m glad it went well with Boss’s Boss’s Boss! That’s awesome! I got a laff out of him saying he’d rather deal with a smartass than a dumbass anyday!

    As I’ve told you all, I am coming out of having been a social retard for a lot of years (AKA dumbass…just funning around here). Kenny and I have a ten year history, so he can get away with telling me a lot of BS! I just thot it was hilarious when I read this in his letter this morning:

    He was advising me to give new men a chance, both for me to get to know them and them to get to know me. He said, “Besides, new men you meet don’t know you like I do and won’t discover you are a retard for a long time. But by the time they do, they’ll love your duh moments as much as I do. LOL.”

    I mean, I don’t mind him talking like this cuz I’ve made so many severe social faux pas that ya either laff or ya cry! So I do my best to laff most of the time.

    Jilly, about your fear and walls after sex…baby steps. What is one thing you can do to open a window in the middle of those walls? Are you feeling vulnerable because he only sent you one text?



  270.  #270Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 8:38 am

    Buttery, RE: #236 – I think at times it is good to show our stuff. I think a man wants a woman who he admires intellectually as well as emotionally, ya know? I think it’s wonderful you are fixing his laptop.

    I feel really good about it that at all my document meetings at work, Bill is watching me work, seeing what I can do on the computer. Sometimes they are feeding me sentences to type, and I feel good showing my stuff, how I can retain it in my mind without asking them to repeat over and over. I mean, that’s just an example of how I feel good letting him see my boy energy as well.

    My understanding is that Rori heavily emphasizes operating out of girl energy to open up the emotional realm between a woman and a man, which cultivates attraction. I think it’s also more for the central “dance” of a relationship, learning how to be sensitive to his moving forward and us leaning back. I feel so secure in using Rori’s tools as I navigate moment by moment with a man.

    Thank you all for your support and encouragement!



  271.  #271Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 8:44 am

    Knocksoftly,

    RE: #240 – Hello, I see Daria answered you. Just to add to that, Rori explains it beautifully in Commitment Blueprint. What I like is the idea of NOT jumping off your bridge. If we wonder what he’s doing or where he is or who he’s with, we are jumping off our bridge and onto his. It helps me remember to focus on MY life and where I’M going, rather than on his.



  272.  #272Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 9:08 am

    Knocksoftly, RE: #273 – Thank you! Yes, I do feel both empowered and sad. And I totally loved what LG said about it creating a vacuum to make space for men, which you said, too. I am falling in like with Bill! He’s super!

    You made love with him on Thursday. Yes, I agree it was leaning forward to text him Friday. It is the sort of thing I did with Ryan all too often last year, and he didn’t like it. The best way to go with this is to just sit with your uncomfortable, insecure feelings and run to this blog or talk to a friend and process them. Fill your time with something you like until he calls you again.

    The second best thing, if you insist on contacting him, is to say something like this:

    I tend to feel a little vulnerable and insecure after something so intimate as sex. I feel weird contacting you, but it would make all my insecurities go away if I felt your reassurance that everything was okay between us. What do you think?

    It is now officially the weekend and Green Man and Balto are nowhere in sight. I think Balto just doesn’t get it. He has this high school mentality that dating and women are all about cuddling, hugging, kissing, and hand holding. I don’t understand how a man can feel rejected when I don’t want to do all that on a first date. Hello! I just met you! I don’t know you! We are not exclusive! Kenny told me a lot of men operate like that and he understands that he would feel rejected. Well then feel rejected, immature man, because I am not going to do something that makes me feel uncomfortable and empty.

    I love the intelligence Bill is putting into developing our relationship organically. He has the vast advantage that we interact regularly at work. But it feels so comfortable and good! I feel impatient, and I am practicing controlling that with lean back tools. But it feels super that we are friends. It is an established friendship.

    So when we finally go out on a date, which I know securely feel is imminent, I will feel totally at ease and welcoming if he leans in for a kiss or holds my hand or wants to just cuddle. Totally. We are really on the same vibe, and that is what I like about meeting a man in my every day world. That vibe you just can’t feel on a computer profile.



  273.  #273Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 9:11 am

    Knocksoftly,

    One more thought…Siena gave me the idea of giving a man the gift of missing me. I really like that. So whenever I am tempted to contact a man, I tell myself I am going to give him the gift of missing me.

    I have been doing that pretty well with Bill, and I feel him drawn to me. It feels so good!

    As for more Siren tools, just read thru the blog when you have time. They are scattered throughout. I’m not trying to put you off or be rude. But I promised myself only one hour on the blog this morning so I can do my housework. And it’s already been over an hour! 🙂

    BTW, Jilly, you asked about Siena…she is sick. That’s why she hasn’t been here.

    Daria, your feeling messages about paying sound top notch. I really appreciate the feeling messages you generate, and I take notes.



  274.  #274Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 9:15 am

    This is a beautiful quote from an Arabic proverb that Kenny sent me:

    Write the bad things that are done to you in sand,
    But write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.



  275.  #275Lisa (from across the pond!) on August 14, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Hi Siren sisters, need some advice..

    this seems to be where you currently are blogging..

    I have just arranged to meet a guy for teh second time.. he suggested a walk, meet my dog etc. pick me up. but I am not sure whether its ok for him to have my address so early? All new to this CD thing.. he has very sweetly just sent me his address and telephone numbers..and waiting for me to send mine..

    I could arrnage to meet somewhere but it woul dbe nice to be picked up.. am I being over cautious.. suggestions?



  276.  #276Mercedes on August 14, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Thank you Rori…part of me (a big part of me) thought it would be nice to be back too. Now I remember that I feel good here only when I agree with everything being said. I do love reading your posts though…very good for me…

    I’ll try to be quiet when I’m at odds…seems to make others feel much more comfortable when Mercedes is being a good little robot…

    Much Love,
    Merdedes



  277.  #277Renee on August 14, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Mercedes — I, for one, would be interested in hearing your perspective, even if it is outside the “norm” for this forum. Do you feel like you’re not welcome here unless you agree with everything everyone says?



  278.  #278Renee on August 14, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Lisa — maybe I’m just being too carefree with my address, but I usually have men pick me up on 2nd dates as long as the vibe is good (and if it were bad, I wouldn’t be going out with them a 2nd time). What do you think?

    Does this man strike you at this point as someone who might stalk you?



  279.  #279Mercedes on August 14, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Renee: Thank you so much. No…I don’t feel unwelcome by most. I certainly don’t feel unwelcome by Rori (she has ALWAYS welcomed my voice even when I’m triggering her – which I have done a lot). By some…yes…they prefer the robot approach. But most of them have sent personal emails letting me know how they feel, so I have a pretty good handle on who they are. Once in a while someone I thought was a friend will blindside me with their words, but for the most part…I know.

    Mostly, I just stop having fun here when I disagree because I get soooo attacked. I can handle that when it’s attacking my professionalism…I can handle it when it’s an attack on my advice…I can handle the attacks on my opinions.

    Unfortunately the attacks eventually become very, very personal. They go right to the heart. Everything about who I am and what I stand for in my heart is open to very harmful words.

    It’s hard to walk away because I feel a need to defend myself and my relationship. I’m not sure why I care so much, but I do.

    And it’s hard to stay away because I have met such amazing women here and I hate to give that up.

    So…here I am…not sure how long I’ll stay. Work is going to get very busy again soon anyway so I won’t have time. It’s much better when I don’t have time. Takes the decision out of my hands.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  280.  #280Lisa (from across the pond!) on August 14, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Thanks Renee

    No, he seems harmless.. but if I am going to do this CD thing properly, just envisaging all sorts of issues.. which is stupid! this guy is ok.. not the type to stalk.. and I need to get into this CD thing!

    I have this one, and three talking to on line plus met one whilst I was away last week.. that will be a long-distance thing though if we meet again…

    so.. its happening slowly. even though I am sat here on my own on a Saturday night! Ugh!

    Lisa.x



  281.  #281AmberS on August 14, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    Brenda,

    I loved your feeling message in 283. I don’t know how you do it, but sometimes you speak right from the heart of me. Putting words to the feelings that swirl.



  282.  #282AmberS on August 14, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Renee,

    Re: yesterday and the good Dr. Being on match. One of my ex-bf and I are still super close. He online dates and I get to watch how it goes down on his side. Let me tell you, this guy is super special, so his behavior may not be representative of all men, but when he has a date scheduled with someone he will go check her out online REPEATEDLY in the days before. He re-reads the msgs they’ve exchanged, her profile , looks at all her photos. Borderline obsessive. But the women appreciate how much attention he has paid when he remembers all o



  283.  #283AmberS on August 14, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Oops! Sry

    He likes to feel comfortable with their stated likes & dislikes. From the responses he gets, the women really appreciate this too.

    Just a different perspective for ya, although if it turns out you don’t find him attractive this could just feel creepy…



  284.  #284AmberS on August 14, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Mercedes,

    Please stay as long as you feel good doing so . I’d just leave it at please stay, but I’m trying not to be selfish. Heh.

    I really appreciate you expressing your take on things and your strength in staying ‘on point’. I’m learning and I’m grateful.



  285.  #285Mercedes on August 14, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Thank you AmberS…I’ll do what I can. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  286.  #286Lucy on August 14, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Mercedes, #283 and #286….. Everything you wrote there resonates with me, and I suspect with most of the women on the blog. Speaking only for myself, however, I also feel more welcome when I am agreeing with majority opinion. I also only feel good here when people like what I am saying. Sometimes I choose to be quiet when I disagree — whether it’s a matter of “choose my battles wisely” or if i’m just not feeling strong enough at the moment to deal with whatever fallout I may attract. Sometimes I choose to “not be a robot” because I feel that it is worth it sometimes — even if it makes others uncomfortable — just like others sometimes make ME uncomfortable!

    “Unfortunately the attacks eventually become very, very personal. They go right to the heart. Everything about who I am and what I stand for in my heart is open to very harmful words.” — I have experienced this feeeling here as well — and I know others have, too.

    “It’s hard to walk away because I feel a need to defend myself and my relationship. I’m not sure why I care so much, but I do.”

    This is all why we are all here. NOT to always feel GOOD. But to feel EVERYTHING. Even the uncomfortable, horrible, attacky feelings — we are being triggered here — ALL of us — ALL of us feeling “attacked” at times and wanting to defend ourselves and wondering why we even care what ppl think — and processing these uncomfortable feelings and triggers is what helps us grow PAST the triggers. The triggers help us idenitfy what inside of US needs healing.

    We’re all in the same boat — or on the same Island. Sometimes it feels sunny and good and peaceful and happy and basking in the soothing breeze and lovin and huggin and delightful events occuring in our lives and brushing each other’s hair as we giggle on the rocks. But sometimes it is stormy and scary and we disagree about how to get through the storm or what caused the storm in the first place and we want to pull each other’s hair and blame and no huggin and lovin but baring our teeth and sad events in our lives. But we learn how to get through the storms together — and we grow — and that growth spills off the blog into our lives — and then there are sunny moments on the Island again.

    Love and peace to all at the bottom of everything —

    <3
    Lucy



  287.  #287Brenda on August 14, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Amber,

    RE: #288 – Do you mean this one?

    I tend to feel a little vulnerable and insecure after something so intimate as sex. I feel weird contacting you, but it would make all my insecurities go away if I felt your reassurance that everything was okay between us. What do you think?

    I got it from Rori on one of her programs, so thank you, Rori!



  288.  #288Mercedes on August 14, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Lucy: I love everything you wrote here, but I do disagree with one piece of it. I understand being triggered…that’s why I post when I disagree with something…because I’ve been triggered, it doesn’t sit well with me and I need to get it off my chest….HOWEVER, I disagree with personal attacks being okay. It’s not cool. We don’t have to agree with each other. We don’t have to make each other feel good all the time. We don’t even have to like or support or uplift each other (although that would be nice) but I don’t feel we should be personally attacking each other.

    For example…when someone says they roll their eyes when I give advice and they do it because of a VERY PERSONAL (which I have chosen to share with everyone here) piece of MY life. That person knows they have gone right to my heart. It is cruel. To take such a painful piece of my history involving my relationship and use it to discredit me….wow…nope…that’s not why I’m here.

    I heard what SS was saying. She believes my advice cannot be trusted because of my relationship. But that piece of my relationship that she used to make her point is the very heart of my pain…and having been cheated on herself, she KNOWS how painful it is. I didn’t come here for that.

    Rori is right out there…open…vulnerable…honest with her past and her mistakes and her hurt and her pain. I’ve never heard anyone here (SS included) say that she can’t be trusted because of that. Yet…SS took was is the biggest pain in my heart and used it against me. That is wrong…so wrong…and she did it to Tinque too…

    As I said…it’s cruel and its not why I am here. I don’t believe anyone should have to deal with that. As far as the other attacks….professionally…my opinions…my thoughts…whatever else…yes…those can be wonderful tools and learning experiences. At some point though we must be able to stand up for ourselves and say “No. You do not have the right to hurt me that way and if you choose to do so…I have the right to refuse to put up with it.”

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  289.  #289Lucy on August 14, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Hi Mercedes. I feel misunderstood. I agree with you completely that personal attacks are NOT okay. I have experienced the same thing you have here – yes, ppl saying they were rolling their eyes about what I wrote (and my pain) and imo dissing me in many ways. That’s NOT okay! My point is that it happens to all of us – not just you – just like in real life – and we can use those painful feelings to go deeper within ourselves and ultimately with our loved ones. the other thing is, there is a difference betwee



  290.  #290Lucy on August 14, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    difference between BEING attacked and FEELING attacked – and when we are hurting or angry it is often very hard to recognize the difference. That’s why Rori’s feeling messages are so soothing for relationships – we can express those painful feelings without blaming the other person – even if we Think they attacked us – and it gets us much further in our personal growth. sometimes walking away is what we have to do but i have felt attacked here many times and am glad i was able to move thru the pain to get m



  291.  #291Lucy on August 14, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    to get my personal message and healing. I feel worried that i am not being clear enough and that i will be misunderstood but i really have a heart intent to help. <3



  292.  #292Mercedes on August 14, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Lucy: I agree. It does happen to all of us…and that is a very sad thing. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with it as well.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  293.  #293Lucy on August 14, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    Mercedes, I see it as a “sad thing” that becomes a “happy thing” — because it ultimately leads to healing and growth if we choose to process it within ourselves and find out why it hurts so badly. Whether we are truly BEING attacked or actually just FEELING attacked (when a person is not intending to attack us) — is mostly irrelevant — either way, we get to use what the universe/God is allowing into our lives in order to HEAL and GROW. Painful as it is when I *feel* attacked on here — even when I believe i am actually BEING attacked as well as FEELING attacked — which may or may not be really true — I know deep in my spirit that it has happened in order for me to heal whatever wound it is touching on. If my wound is all healed up, it doesn’t hurt like crazy when someone touches it — but if the touch is painful and angering, I know that I need more healing for that wound. And the touch thus becomes a loving messenger that prompts me to tend to the wound and receive more healing. <3



  294.  #294Mercedes on August 14, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Thank you Lucy…your words are beautiful.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  295.  #295Simply Shannon on August 14, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    Mercedes: I feel defensive. I don’t want my words to somehow be so deeply integrated with the heart of your pain. That feels unfair. Like unloading all your past pain on something I’ve said. I don’t understand that. I do feel compassion for the pain that this has dredged up for you, and I’m sorry that my words took you there. I felt super triggered on the other post. I voiced my feelings about something I’ve basically hidden from you and Tinque (and from myself). I feel surprised by what it has uncovered for me (my own doubts about happy relationships). I clearly have lots to work on to get to a place where I trust myself in a relationship (and hopefully that will translate to being able to trust others in their relationships too).

    For what it’s worth, I don’t always agree with Rori. I have passing thoughts where I wonder what her home life really looks like on a daily basis. (I’d LOVE to be a fly on the wall to hear her talk with her hubby!) I often wonder if everything is all roses and sunshine in her house. I find it interesting that I might be the first one who has voiced that here. I’d be willing to bet that Rori dealt with doubters a lot when she began this journey. I bet lots of folks were waiting for her to fail, for her relationship to fall apart. I bet that’s still true today. (Or maybe that’s just me showing my insecurities again.)

    Okay, I’m closing the kimono again. Too much vulnerability. I feel exhausted.



  296.  #296Daria on August 15, 2010 at 3:06 am

    man everyones writing is top notch. lucy love the island events. shannon love the kimono. mercedes love the focus



  297.  #297Daria on August 15, 2010 at 3:10 am

    today i was going to date myself.

    i planned to take Daria out for sushi and then to smoke at the park, and hang out a few hours at the park

    but while getting ready for this… i got sidetracked hanging out with the homies — what i wanted to do first before planning the date

    so then i practiced intention as to enjoying my day

    and flirted

    and at night i saw a guy i was cding who is not feeling so good to be around when he drinks

    and when it started feeling bad around him at the end i left

    and now i feel great

    he kept complaining that im dating his friend

    i said it was my business and that i am single

    and i do care aobut him also

    he was angry but what cna him do

    i feel good when i realized leaving, that this is like the thing rori says is good, about men getting mad aobut us CDing

    its a good thing for them to get mad

    well he’s mad yeah

    it didn’t feel good to be called names

    i left



  298.  #298Daria on August 15, 2010 at 3:16 am

    my married neighbor is texting me at nite. dejavu

    i feel excited…

    i feel insecure

    i told him i feel cool chillin at home

    ufff

    what do i feel?

    i feel excited that maybe you want to have sex

    and that would feel super exciting and i dont wan tto come out the house right now so late, and i feel like damn cuz earlier when u hit me was just right, and i don’t want to miss this fun opp

    im free tomorrow in the morning and maybe at nite after the club lol



  299.  #299Daria on August 15, 2010 at 3:18 am

    lol i feel excited.
    he says he feels “hoeish”

    wow

    this is pretty infrequent for him

    i told yall about that eye connect look when i looked all vulnerable and open

    lol

    omg this is fun

    ive dated this boy for like 10 years and we still havent had sex

    due to our butting heads



  300.  #300Daria on August 15, 2010 at 3:21 am

    i said

    me 2. and it was perfect timing earlier when i was on the way home.

    i think im working thru triggers about being a slut and hoeish or something.

    even the guy i used to cd, when i left, he’s like… everyone at school said you were a slut (i wasnt). and im like… i AM a slut.

    and i left.

    haha

    i
    feel so powerful

    it totally does not matter if im a slut – it attracts men when im making decisions intending to please myself

    — like janjunes list



  301.  #301Daria on August 15, 2010 at 3:22 am

    even when they dont agree with the decisions



  302.  #302Brenda on August 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    I like teddy bears.



  303.  #303Jacqueline on August 15, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    Daria, hey, check my post on other thread about this…and you are like so powerful, even when you’re doubting, downing or just being vulnerable. You seem like a FORCE of nature to me, very organic and very powerful. Hope you had a great weeekend, btw!



  304.  #304Daria on August 15, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Jacqueline – Thank you. that feels good to hear…

    my friend who used to post here, alias girl, used to call me a force of nature…

    how surprising to hear you write that! thank you.

    i went to a goddess circle on friday about Yemaya – mother of the orishas

    the Orishas are forces of nature spirits. and they enjoy smoking



  305.  #305LeLe on August 20, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Note: I’m venting/riffing… whatever

    I feel so sad and disheartened. It is such a beautiful day and I have tears in my eyes. wtf… I feel so tired. I don’t want to be alone. I want to love and feel love. I want to let love in. I feel scared that I’ll continue to walk alone. Even with everyone around me, I feel alone sometimes. Living alone does not help. LOL

    I have friends and am dating. In the past year I’ve opened up so much, my friends say they see a whole different person. What they are seeing is more just me. Much less walls. I go through my day and then get triggered and just freeze. Inside, outside, can’t think. Pissy, iccky, crappy, dad gum it! I keep telling myself that it takes a whole lot more to trigger me than before and I don’t lash out but I still can’t think/ can’t feel/ freeze at times. The worst of times.

    I feel like running, pushing everyone and everything away. There is too much overwhelm stuff and not enough good stuff.

    How are you suppose to care about the guy only when he is in front of you? I can enjoy doing something with someone and not thinking on him when he is not there but how do you not care when they are not there?????!?