The Theme Park Of YOU – TIMELAND

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maggiewaveTIMELAND – You as TIME


We are all shaped by memory.

Lovely images, frightening images, images that make us want to jump and scream and hit and hurt and run, and images that make us want to kiss and hold and fly.

We all have these, and we have them from our real lives, from our imaginations, from stories we read and movies we saw, and we even, I believe, send them back and forth across the world in and out of each other’s realities and imaginations and dreams.

But we don’t have to be anything but colored by memory.

We are not bound to what has happened to us.

We are new-made each morning (and perhaps in a process all through our sleep).

Use Your Memory Like This:

1. When thoughts come from your past – hurtful ones, full of pictures of pain:

Feel what your body does.

Are you running?

Are you fighting? (I’ve caught myself more than once with my arms in mid-air, in near-karate-chop poses, fearful for my sanity when an image has triggered rage in me seemingly out of nowhere.)

2. Feel how it feels to do what you instinctively do

Does it feel good to back away, to run, to fly out the window behind you?

Does it feel bad?

Does it feel good to charge forward, ready to strike?

Or do you find yourself standing numb? Blank? Frozen?

3. Fall in love with the image, and fall in love with your feelings that come up around it

Yep. I meant exactly what I said. FALL IN LOVE.

“Make friends with the image” just isn’t powerful enough.


You can take the horrors with you – and they become smaller.

You can take the experiences with you and still keep moving forward.

You can still be who you are if you let them fall away.

Experiment with how it feels to sink into the memories, to walk away from them, or to fight them.

4. The first moment you notice where you feel “easy,” where you feel peaceful, even if just for that one moment:

Immediately go do something that feels good, fun, and easy to you.


The future is make-believe.

It’s guesswork and it’s all brain-work, and it only colors your life because of the wishes you have.

If your wishes are so far away from where you are right now…you can feel bad. If they seem attainable – you feel good.

So, if you’re in the Future in your theme park, you’ve got a percentage chance of feeling good based on how you control your thinking about your wishes.

This is where “affirmations” come in, and “positive thinking,” and retraining your thoughts to be positive have their place.

But – they don’t always work the way you want.

If you’re telling yourself you will have something you don’t have – your brain and body often just doesn’t believe it.

You can repeat it over and over and over – but trying to talk yourself into a future that NO ONE can be sure of is stressful.

It’s the kind of make-believe that often backfires on us.

Because I want you to move fast – to skip all the analyzing and figuring out and digging into your past and your patterns and the “whys” of why things are the way they are for you – I just want to help you “fix” it.

And telling yourself tomorrow will be different than today even though you don’t believe it will only slow you down.

If you’re doing “affirmations” and feeling the same or worse about where you actually are – it’s likely you’re trying to make yourself believe something you simply don’t.

And trying to push that agenda is way more chancy, and way more effort-full hard work than simply being and embracing exactly where you are.


Being present is just that. Being here now. Being where you are now. How you are now. Who you are now.

Even if you’re not sure what that actually is. In other words – even if you can’t put a “label” on it.

Even if you can’t use the word “successful” or “happy” to DESCRIBE your circumstances right now – you CAN use the word successful or happy to EXPRESS a FEELING you have right now.

Having this attitude makes it possible for you to really feel happy just looking at a blade of grass. You may not think you have a happy love life in total, but you can feel happy experiencing the blade of grass.

If you follow that with a moment of happiness feeling the breeze on your face, or the smell of coffee from the lunchroom at work, or the view from a certain window wherever you are because it looks out at a tree – you can gather together and lump together and build upon so many “happy” moments that you CAN retrain not only your mind, but your body, your heart, your nervous system – everything – without having to talk it into anything.

All you need to talk yourself into is the will to do the Tool of – experiencing the blade of grass.

And then your foot as it hits the carpet or the pavement.

How the hot water feels on your body in the shower.

How the toothpaste tastes (it might inspire you to try a whole bunch of toothpastes so you don’t take ANYTHING for granted…)

Being present simply means you’re aware that you’re living and breathing right now, and that whatever is in front of you is ALL you have in this moment.

That means time for planning sessions and brainstorming and using your boy energy to run your calendar six months ahead and plan your budget is very different – very specialized, and, yes – future based.

That’s why, the moment you start organizing or planning anything – you get caught up in what “might be” – and if you can’t CONTROL that – you can spin off into bad feelings.

So – the trick is to stay in control of what you CAN control. Your calendar, your budget (leaving room for emergencies and extra fun).

So many of us stay away from planning that can actually feel GOOD – because it’s the good-feeling place to use your boy energy and feel some mastery over your life – because the moment we step into the Future section of the Theme Park of Us, we get stuck there, and spiral down emotionally.

So – when you feel that happening – now you know what to do!!

First, acknowledge the good things you’ve just done for yourself in taking care of yourself and planning and organizing – and then STOP.

Just stop and float on into the Present section of your Theme Park. It’s got much more fun things for you to do. This is what your Channeling List – in the Targeting Mr. Right Tool “Riffing” is for – to give you a quick and easy list of what you can do NOW, to stay Present in a way that feels GOOD.

When you get to the Channeling List – put it on your wall, your desk, the kitchen wall, and your mirror – that way, you’ll always have something you can count on to feel good. Now.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Kyla on April 3, 2014 at 8:01 am

    I love this so much. This is exactly what I’m working with and it works so FAST. Mmmm breathe. “Just stop and float on into the Present section of your Theme Park.” YES!!!

    Update on Ninja 🙂 He took my hand near the end of the movie and I felt electric shocks run through me. He walked me to my door and we kissed and I felt myself melting and leaning back that if he wasn’t holding me I’d fall and and I kept stepping back for balance until I was literally up against the wall. Making out on the front porch lol I felt like a teenager, I’ve never done that before! I felt so flustered and eventually put my hands on his chest, pushed him back a bit and said Goodnight with a huge silly smile. He text that he’s never been so utterly attracted to someone on so many levels, will call me today and see me Friday. I felt flustered and joyful and excitable. I can honestly say the same even though I would have thought he’s not my type if you’d asked me 4 months ago. My feeling messages are flowing in with my normal conversation and I feel so real and soft and girly and me! I have no expectations and I feel free to thoroughly enjoy what’s coming towards me right now.

  2.  #2Femininewoman on April 3, 2014 at 8:01 am

    Kyla 🙂

  3.  #3Femininewoman on April 3, 2014 at 8:02 am

    “Being present simply means you’re aware that you’re living and breathing right now, and that whatever is in front of you is ALL you have in this moment”.

  4.  #4Daria on April 3, 2014 at 10:49 am

    stil working on the channeling list

    so far i have my taking a walk thing

    also dance class

    more fun stuff thank you!

  5.  #5Daria on April 3, 2014 at 10:50 am

    good fun and easy to you, so could be read through my book

    or have a drink of water

  6.  #6Daria on April 3, 2014 at 10:54 am

    so i think i lost energy and wound up getting sick from GETTING HEARTBROKEN WITH M MAN LAST YEAR!!!

    whoa what an AHA!

    my heart refilled with joy… i think like my nana, my heart is not having it with feeling bad with people anywmore

    she doesn’t want to tolerate mistreatment, so my boundaries are getting stronger

  7.  #7prplpsn28 on April 3, 2014 at 10:56 am

    🙂 Trying to stay in the moment and be possitive.

  8.  #8Daria on April 3, 2014 at 11:02 am

    i feel scared that im gettning less men contacting me on pof than a few months ago

    i want to have some dates

  9.  #9Daria on April 3, 2014 at 11:06 am

    unbelieveable that the whole getting sick thing came from heartbreak.,, rori does talka bout it making me sick

    i did have tears and tears pouring that day

    it musta took down my energy to have my heart break and now its healed

    just like my nani had me saying no to bad sex and having to say it for myself and now def not tolerating bad sex

    now i have my heart asking for teh same treatment

    no more mistreating my heart for appearing cool, or doing what other people is fair or friendship

    my heart comes first

    and shes requiring it

  10.  #10Kyla on April 3, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Daria if you upload a new photo it will put your profile back to the top of search lists on POF 🙂 Always get lots and lots of messages in the few days after putting up a new picture!

  11.  #11Daria on April 3, 2014 at 11:35 am

    oh cool thanks Kyla!

  12.  #12Liquid Light on April 3, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    Had another interesting night last night. Ended up going to another Match happy hour and it was packed. But this time, I wasn’t the youngest woman there, the age group was different so I was on the older end. But that also meant that there a lot of men my age and younger. Anyway, it was fun if I bit intimidating. I ran into someone who I have a date with on Sat. He went out of his way to say hello when he saw me arrive and he seemed excited to see me. We made our own way throughout the crowd after a bit and I saw him chatting with a young woman whom I had met a few weeks ago at a meet up. She too greeted me warmly when I arrived even though I barely know her. She had seen me chatting with S though so it bugged me a bit that she was being so flirty with him when they were chatting. Doesn’t help that she is young, pretty and petite. Feeling some jealousy coming up. Grrr. But I had my share of flirters too including this really fun kinda wild guy with long black hair and nicely dressed. He was hilarious and I was laughing my *** off with him. S definitely noticed and didn’t seem to happy about that. Young stud though is not really anyone I would consider because he’s much younger than me but WOW was he a hoot! Ended up going to S’s pad, he kept inviting me and others over as he didn’t really want the party to end. I wasn’t really that into it but he kind wore me down, and since others would be there too, I felt a bit better about it. Turned out it was myself, S and another woman from the event. She’s a top secret analyst for the government. what a trip! super interesting smart woman. S’s pad was amazing with gorgeous views, great kitchen (I love a man with a great kitchen), and nicely decorated. He cooked for us and made me an amazing salad which was delicious. What a crazy night! I’m looking forward to seeing him on Sat but now have feelings of a bit of jealousy about young petite and wondering if they will see each other too. He seems to really like my company though but still those pangs are there. Part of me wants to see crazy young stud but I’m getting burned out on dating and don’t really think its a good idea anyway.

  13.  #13Kyla on April 3, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    @ Daria – Most welcome bella!

    Ninja invited me to his house so he can cook for me and watch a movie together and I accepted but from his last text I think he expects me to drive to his place. Obviously I need to clarify and will later but I’m suddenly feeling very nervous and overwhelmed about dealing with this. The idea of driving to his house is such a no-no here and I don’t know how I really feel about it. Between this and the intense kissing at my door last night and now being alone in his place and how easy it would be to get carried away and would that really be so bad anyway.. ooooh I feel so unsure of myself and feeling afraid to make a decision. Breathe, just breathe. I might have to use my ‘ugly panties’ tool again lol. Oh it feels good to giggle and let the tension out. Ahh ok I have until tomorrow so I have time to sink into this.

    I’ll wait until after my mommy/daughter yoga class tonight when I will be relaxed and centred.

  14.  #14Liquid Light on April 3, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    After my profile rewrite, i got this message:

    you have a great smile – and an even better profile!

    I’d never gotten a message like that about my profile, it feels good. I’m getting better quality men responding now. And one guy went out of his way to show me how in detail he has all the qualities I am looking for. So cute. And S, the man I have a date with on Sat. pretty much has everything I’m looking for, its almost eery. I do think the woman who deconstructed Match is on to something that being picky is good, and being really clear about what you are looking for, it seems to be working! And its freaking me out!

  15.  #15Mandy on April 3, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Been trying to flow lately and I keep tensing up again, just have a lot on my plate and intending to flow and breathe and stay open. I feel such a flow of LOVE when I think of how J is so sensitive. I got mad at him last month and he just sobbed, and I really still feel awful about it, but that’s how I truly see how much I mean to him. No one I’ve ever been with before would have done that. They were just too angry.

  16.  #16Kyla on April 3, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Sounds like a lot of fun LL! I hear you on the jealousy thing. I’m okay that a man maybe dating other woman until we talk exclusive but seeing it is another thing altogther. I noticed how I feel squirmy and sadness seeing men I’m dating “online now” as I know they are either chatting or browsing and I feel weird too that they can see me there. I’m hyper aware of the irony that it only happens because we are both doing the same thing and it seems so silly but I feel despondant and turned off when I’ve noticed it.

  17.  #17Liquid Light on April 3, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Yeah, I don’t think it would have bothered me as much if I hadn’t known her. I now live in an area where apparently there are lots more single women than men and I’m seeing it play out in different unpleasant ways. I think that the men are really used to the women coming on strong that they don’t feel like they have to make much of an effort sometimes. I saw this happen with the guy I met at a meet up a few weeks ago, he was like one of two men there with like 10-15 women. And he was so rude to me I couldn’t believe it. (Incidentally I think I saw him last night, he was trying to make eye contact with me, but the whole incident left such a bad taste in my mouth, I have no interest now.)

    and then at another meet up, I was engaged in a nice conversation with an interesting man, and another woman swooped down and took over. I felt like I had to compete with her for his attention so I just sort of let her do her thing. But it was really shocking to me. So now with this woman last night I felt it was kinda similar and she was v flirty with him even after she us together and him going out of his way to connect with me. I dunno, I just like to respect other women’s romantic interests and not make a move on someone that she might be interested in. Clearly, I’m in the minority though in this area. Sheesh.

  18.  #18Liquid Light on April 3, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    The more I think about it, the more angry I feel towards that woman. Grrr. I need to let this go….

  19.  #19Cris on April 3, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Being present

    So true and difficult

  20.  #20Liquid Light on April 3, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Kyla, excited for you re. Ninja and the others you wrote about. Sounds like you are having a lot of fun too!! 🙂

  21.  #21Liquid Light on April 3, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    I’m realizing that i need to pull way back with S. It made me uncomfortable that he was trying to get me to come over to his place last night, and wants me to come over Sat. night and watch the game before we go out. I’ve already told him I don’t feel comfortable with that. I’m starting to wonder about him and my ability to conveniently forget things that I don’t want to hear. For instance, he’s already told me that he wants to move back to the city where his daughter lives when they have a child. (She just got married.) His whole family is there and unfortunately its 8+hours away. So even though he seems like a nice guy, and a great fit for me, he’s freshly divorced and I’m just wondering if he’s just out to have a good time until he moves back “home”. He just moved here recently after his divorce. What do you all think?

  22.  #22Lisa on April 3, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    I did the work today on a particular event that happened recently….

    I’m finding so much about myself lately… it is just incredible, it’s as if a sealed shut door has been unsealed and opened….

    I did thework twice today…

    I can’t trust men….

    the other thought was: Men will say anything to get me in bed

    I wished I had a way of recording these pieces… they have been so profound…

    but I found that I have an hidden and very silent belief that I hate men… now if anyone would ask me I’d say I love men… and I do.. but underneath was this splinter of hating men… which is bound to bring men that aren’t what I’m looking for…

    even though the belief might be true that “men will tell me anything to get me in bed” as men themselves have confirmed this and so does Dr. Pat… it still is a story I have in my head when meeting and dating men which can color and distort ….. and who would I be without this story… basing my decisions about men without that story and by each man himself… and I’d be more in tune with how I feel around each man…

    I also found beliefs about men that I can do more work on….

    finding my own part in all this… is so freeing and somewhat hard to swallow…


  23.  #23Sassy on April 3, 2014 at 4:00 pm


    I just wanted to pop in and tell you I’m thinking about you.
    Please don’t negate or feel bad about Sweetheart. You had a very special relationship with him and I would venture a guess that at the end of the day, he felt blessed and happy that you were in his life, he knew you loved him no matter what and supported him.
    It sounds as if you are beginning the stages of grief. You have had a tough year, but you’ve also had some amazing things happen and you always have the love of your girls, your “real life” friends and US!
    Love to you.

  24.  #24Linda on April 3, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    My goodness…my “present” feels pretty darn good!

    Doing feel good things for myself is where I am at right now. I just don’t want to disrupt that flow right now. I am in replenish me mode. I just had no real ideal of how depleted I was. Actually something Daria posted resonated with me about getting sick. I realize the the sickness I had this year was stress induced. I got the worst cold of my life it just would not go away. After 30 days I had to go on antibiotics. I am finally feeling better now. My body, heart and mind are demanding I take better care of them. No more stressful relationship stuff! I know this is the single biggest reason I just have no desire or energy for men right now.

    I dont know what my future holds. It can get me quite worked up and anxious. In fact yesterday I got a text from last relationship man. It said… “I go to bed thinking about you and I wake up thinking about you. I love you with all my heart and I miss you dearly”.

    It makes me crazy! How can a man who said I made him so unhappy.. who picked and picked and pushed and threatened me with “I am going to start dating others” send me a text like that. WHY??? It literally makes me crazy!!!!!

    Okay…. back to the present. (deep breath)

  25.  #25Veronica on April 3, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    I’m feeling really grossed out by the BM thing, like pukey feelings. I feel dread, drained, less-than just by the interaction; as if my self is being diminished, constrained.

    I like my warm energy guy friends who are so ready to help me and are supportive. I feel good around them, interacting with them.

    When I think of completely cutting all energies around BM, there’s this self-love and caring that whooshes in. When I actually think about it, I don’t need him. I’m not supposed to be here.

  26.  #26Veronica on April 3, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    And I notice feelings of revulsion when I think of feminine energy men – non-present men.

  27.  #27Liquid Light on April 3, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    well the architect is back in the picture…have a date next week.

  28.  #28Daria on April 3, 2014 at 5:45 pm

    feel a bit down, spent some nice time with a guy Friend…

    and noticing i feel obsessive about his 50 50 with girls thing we were talking about

    i feel attached to thinking about that


    i feel a lil sad


    i feel glda i dont feel Drained and all bad

    and it might feel good to babystep to even more requirements of good feelings…

    maybe even less guy Friend time…

  29.  #29Daria on April 3, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    my body is starting to feel so much stronger and stronger

  30.  #30Luzydel on April 3, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    So captainCD offered to take me to dinner… I am wondering if it is ok since we have had some issues in the past, where I have overreacted and where he have not been so nice to me.

    But Dinner would be nice, just feeling treated nice; and he does knows how to give good dates. I feel it is wrong because I like Cutecd, but he suddenly distanced and is acting all weird and ugh!

    I am suddenly circular dating lol how did that happened?

    I just joined a gym and applied for grad school… Yayy me!

  31.  #31Kyla on April 3, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Thanks Liquid Light! I feel like I got swept up with some of that magic you were dancing with 🙂

    I tried yin yoga tonight and it was all about relaxing the body into a pose that you hold for 5 minutes at a time and allowing the muscles to soften around the stretch and just sitting with the pressure, breathing into the edge of the tension and making more room and letting gravity do all the work. It was a full out feminine energy body meditation. I was just being and breathing and allowing the discomfort and then suddenly the stretch would feel deeper and I would be with that. It was really lovely and I feel like I’ve had a full massage. I’m getting reflexology again tonight too. I’m feeling pampered and enjoying indulging myself and reveling in my own body..

  32.  #32Lisa on April 3, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    @Veronica I feel repulsed by feminine men also… I don’t like feeling like I am competing for the feminine spot… it feels icky to me..

    my work today has left me shaky! In a big way, I’m having trouble holding things and writing things… I feel like I just had surgery…. and am weak and missing something… only the thing I’m missing is my old beliefs…

    I take this as a good sign that I’ve made huge progress in me…. my old beliefs thought they kept me safe and now I see that they weren’t…. they were hurting me… I notice that it feels strange to now abandon me… when I’m used to abandoning me… it now feels like shakey ground..

    New neuro pathways being created…

    men are just a mirror of me….something inside of me that might benefit me to look at…

    I feel weird, I feel vulnerable, I feel scared, I feel strange staying with myself…

    Ok I’m being redundant… I stop now…


  33.  #33Lisa on April 3, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    ooops I meant to NOT abandon me… instead of now ….

  34.  #34Lisa on April 3, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    I realized today and now that I’m feeling wide open and vulnerable…

    that when I’m vulnerable I feel gullible, easily persuaded… and easy to say yes….

    Hummm when I did some work with one of the dating coaches though…. I noticed that I don’t have to be that way, I can be vulnerable and in touch with my feelings and needs.. and still be strong….

    humm I’m curious now…


  35.  #35Bella on April 3, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    Hello beautiful Goddesses,

    Here visiting…for a bit …:)

    I feel curious, do any of you have the description/post links on riffing…I recall Rori had some posts on this subject a few years back …:) Anyone of you has it handy?!

    Warm hugs,


  36.  #36Amber on April 3, 2014 at 8:02 pm


    I noticed when I started feeling vulnerable that I was scared of it because I had no REAL boundaries for myself. When I stripped down my outer shell all that was left was my soft, mushy self. Once I firmed up my inner boundaries, i felt so much better. I was in control of myself without trying to micromanage the outcomes of every situation.


  37.  #37Lisa on April 3, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    @Amber thanks!

    I do love feeling vulnerable… and when I do TheWork that happens everytime…

    and I feel you are correct, that even though I’m soft, mushy and open and love… doesn’t mean that I can’t build up my inner boundaries so that when I’m vulnerable, I don’t have to also be boundary-less or turn into Yes woman …

    Something about being open and still being able to discern that even though I’m feeling so good right now that blank isn’t a good idea…

    or just b/c I’m feeling on top of the world right now on this bliss train and feeling open and vulnerable ……… doesn’t mean that I just flop right back into the situation that I just got out of…

    I do need to work on my inner boundary muscle…

    Thanks so much!!1 <3 <3

    I hope this shaky feeling goes away soon, so I can sleep…


  38.  #38Turquoise on April 3, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    Thanks T…. Today is better. It’s the first day I haven’t cried. It’s one week since he passed away. I got a sympathy card which choked me up a bit… But much better than I’ve felt this week.

    Thank you Sassy. After he came out that he was gay, he told me he loved me the best way he knew how, that if he were straight he’d marry me tomorrow, and he had really felt that if he found the right relationship, he could keep those feelings pushed down. I assured him I was glad he was finally honest about it all. Since he passed, I’ve been told by one of his friends that I was the love of his life…. Which, I’m guessing could be true because he had a difficult relationship with his wife and barely dated the man he’d seen. And that he adored me, by family. I really don’t have regrets. He taught me a lot about what I want and need in a relationship…. But also to be aware that people may really want what they are saying to be true… Yet it not be so.

    I’m keeping extremely busy with my new candle business. Doing lots of research and booking parties. I’ve read done different perspectives… And am finding a lot of great ideas. So I spent my evening mostly on the computer and brought a notebook to bed with me. So, my boy energy is keeping me moving forward. In a way… I feel like what a man may feel like when he’s focused on work and success more than a relationship. I barely thought about anyone else when I was do focused tonight. It was a good learning observation. Tomorrow is my mothers birthday and we are having a family dinner. Tomorrow is also the one yeR anniversary of her funeral. I still miss her every day.

  39.  #39Amber on April 3, 2014 at 10:15 pm

    Big hugs to you (((Turquoise))) and lots of love. I can’t know the pain you’re feeling now and you have my deepest sympathies. I hope the sun shines a little brighter for you tomorrow.

  40.  #40Liquid Light on April 3, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    Yay Luzydel re. cd’ing and grad school!!!

    Hang in there, Turquoise, big hugs to you! Your courage and ability to love/give during this v challenging time is just, well, awe inspiring!

  41.  #41Tereana on April 4, 2014 at 5:11 am

    Kyla, that’s awesome about Ninja! (I like his name, too ; )

    And driving to a guy is only a big no-no if *you* don’t feel comfortable doing it. He is offering to cook for you, in his kitchen, with his stuff, and this “doing” and “providing” is actually intensely masculine. In this case, you going to his house is simply you showing up so you can enjoy what he wants to do for you. And he prob wants to show off, too 😉

    Usually, when we feel the urge to drive to a guy, it’s coming from our own masculine energy. And if he asks us to come to him bc he’s simply too lazy to move, then that’s not a good sign.

    I say, follow your feelings. If it feels right, let him cook for you at his place. Standing on “rules” won’t feel good if it means you miss out on a nice connection…


  42.  #42Tereana on April 4, 2014 at 5:13 am


  43.  #43Tereana on April 4, 2014 at 5:22 am

    This post from Rori is sooo timely for me. And it’s quite a relief, actually. Because you always hear so much about affirmations, and about believing you have what you want, so that you can “attract” it or “magnetize” it. And I’ve got to tell you, a big part of me just doesn’t believe it, like she said. My imagination is so good, I can conjure up almost anything. But if I don’t look around and see it right there, right now, in front if me, then the realistic part of me is calling BS, and it’s all a lot if wasted energy. I just get more flustered about where I am now.

    And I’m thinking if this all in terms of finances. That’s where I’m always telling myself, “in the future, it will be x. I can have y, and it will all be okay.” And the rest of me is going, “yeah, right! I don’t believe you…” And then I just feel stressed and poor and unsuccessful. And that leads to more if same…

    I like Rori’s approach much better. The past doesn’t determine who I am now. And the future is another present moment waiting for me to step into it. But eventually it will just be the present. And in the present moment, this is where I make changes and choices, and this is where I have feelings.

    It will take some time to shift perspective around this, I believe, but I’m ready for a shift. I am tired of “the same.” And I liked this idea because I feeling it’s a new one I haven’t heard of yet…hm…I wonder how I can shift all this to work for me…

  44.  #44Linda on April 4, 2014 at 6:08 am

    I decided to not respond to that text. A part of me feels really bad and responsible for his piney heart ache. I have great empathy for that kind of pain. A part of me feels explainy but that would be more hurtful because I just am not into him. He simply is not an emotionally safe place for me. I supose I could tell him that and why but I dont have the energy to open up any of that.

    The thought of getting talked back into anything with him produces a sick to my stomach feeling. I guess I need to follow that feeling.

    I dont know what I should do.

  45.  #45BeLoved on April 4, 2014 at 8:38 am

    Linda – you are probably already doing this, but I would keep the focus on me. Sink into the part that feels bad and responsible, sink into the stomach feelings. What am I learning about myself? What would be kindest and most loving for ME?

    It was just a text. From someone who wasn’t really all that kind to you, if I recall correctly. It’s okay if he’s hurting. It doesn’t sound very loving to be sending you this text, either. Do you *feel* loved? Cared for? Cherished? Respected?
    I feel suspicious of what he calls ‘love’.

    It’s his job is to care for his aching heart, and your job is to care for you! Hugs <3

  46.  #46Violette on April 4, 2014 at 9:38 am

    Third date with M tonight and I’m feeling like I’m coming down with being sick again, I feel bad cancelling on him again, after being sick for a week already before…dating is feeling so draining.

    Last night P kissed me. I like him and find him calming and attractive. He’s 20 years older than me, which I’ve done before, but the way he has his hair, long and white, makes him look older, and I look 10 years younger than my real age…so I feel embarassed in public, a bit uncomfortable with the kissing. Ugh, he asked me out for Sun already, and it feels too soon.

    The men in my life are nicer, which is a seriously important change that I feel proud of. Now, to find them attactive…

    I answered an email from GR, who is in the town I just moved from, and who I miss. Ugh. I would so love it if he would follow me here! Replying to his email is making me want him to reply…and it’s no good for me. Letting go as much as I can.

  47.  #47Violette on April 4, 2014 at 9:46 am

    I called M to cancel for tonight, and he suggested coffee or tea…I said maybe, but the truth is I don’t want coffee or tea with him, I want a fabulous date with drinks…weird though, he said let’s reschedule for next Fri, talk about giving me time to get well! Feels a bit far…awkward. But I wanted space, maybe it’s ok. Oh well, I’ll tell him no for tonight, and let him reschedule with me as he likes.

    Centering, letting go.

  48.  #48Kyla on April 4, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Thanks Tereana! Yes, my first instict was to happily agree to drive to his. He’s come up to me the other times and I like that I can leave at any time when I have my own wheels. Rori talks about not driving home from a man’s house at night and it made me second guess myself. I’m not a rule person and yet I guess I needed to feel around to see if I was lacking a boundary.

    When I sat with it I felt good about driving to him for a date but would prefer him to drive to me if at some point we were just hanging out with each other.

    Anywho I feel happy. I love when men cook for me, I feel cared for and pampered. I’m feeling happy about relaxing and letting him show off! More importantly he’s only 20 minutes from my parents place where I’m dropping my kids and if he picked me up it would be a 90 minute round trip after work before he could get dinner started and I feel grumpy when I’m hungry lol

  49.  #49Kyla on April 4, 2014 at 11:09 am

    @Femininewoman – in case I’m not around this wkd happy birthday and bon voyage 🙂

  50.  #50Linda on April 4, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Oh Beloved.. ty ! I appreciate your wise words. You are right his heart is his responsibility. Mine is indeed mine. He is a kind man in many ways. He did bring some very wonderful things to my life. It was all the other stuff that came with it that I could not live with.

    After all my processing I have come to clearly see that Emotionally he is not a safe place for me. That is my deepest simplest truth. Without that nothing meaningful grows or works for me.

    I take note of your feelings of suspicion. I wonder too now.

  51.  #51Veronica on April 4, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    Linda – 49 – This is beautiful for me:

    “That is my deepest simplest truth. Without that nothing meaningful grows or works for me.”

  52.  #52Veronica on April 4, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Lisa – 32 – It does feel like having to compete, like friction instead of flow. I don’t know if you’ve had the same experience, with the particular feminine men I’ve been in contact with, I inevitably notice a distinct lack of connection between the feelings/words they have and the actions.

    I keep thinking that they’re using words to make up for the lack of action – like wizards (say a bunch of words and everything’s okay). I then feel confused, not knowing where I’m in all this, because things don’t make sense in an organic way, as in I just don’t buy it. Because the feelings I feel when I’m around masculine giving men don’t exist when I’m with feminine men and they’re saying all these supposedly kind things.

  53.  #53Veronica on April 4, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    I want to feel secure… oh I so need a hug right now. Pain feelings around my heart.

    I feel panicky – life is so precious

    I want to believe in love with such a fierce energy

    But I like vulnerability

    I reached out to my mom today, called her to say happy birthday. I reached out – for more than a year I just couldn’t. All I could feel was frenzied fleeing. It was easy to do, I followed my own time, knew I had to so that now. Tenderness.

    And my father wished me well and I could reply thank you and receive that.

    The terrible loneliness of this time: it seemed like for my healing to carry on I had to feel that alone-ness so sharply – it was like hunger for someone to pacify me. And then, caring-about-me energy came – it was loving and peaceful and kind. I made the most delicious healthy food, made things comfortable for me. I was listening to me and what I needed to do.

  54.  #54Veronica on April 4, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    *do that now

  55.  #55Amber on April 4, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Happy Friday Sirens!
    I’m feeling so happy and so accomplished! Please check out this blog at Helena Hart’s website
    I hope it inspires someone!

  56.  #56Cécilia on April 4, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    I enjoy how Rori uses the blade of grass in her example… I love grass. I feel connected to everything around me, it is a wonderful sensation. I have felt such pure joy these past few weeks… I love where I am, who I am, and the earth that surrounds me. I am experiencing this to such a depth, more than I ever have before, and I sometimes wonder if the amount of connection I feel to the earth, nature, and the universe in general is not normal. I feel special.

  57.  #57Liquid Light on April 4, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    That’s great Amber, SO inspiring! Thanks for posting!

  58.  #58Liquid Light on April 4, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    Kyla, have fun tonight! (But not too much fun! hahahaha!) I’ve got a date tomorrow night that I’m really looking forward to as well!

  59.  #59Kyla on April 4, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Thanks Liquid Light! Enjoy your date tomorrow!! Is it with architect or S? xo

  60.  #60Helena Hart on April 4, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    Amber – 55 – Thanks for sharing all the success you’ve had with Rori’s programs and my teleclass – I know your story has been so inspiring for many women, myself included!

    Stories like yours and all the questions and input you’ve submitted is what’s made the Effortlessly Attract Love program so applicable to everyone. Thanks again for being so open to sharing your experiences using these tools. I’m excited for the next teleclass, and to hear about your continued success! 🙂

    Love, Helena

  61.  #61Liquid Light on April 4, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Its w S, thanks for asking! 🙂 xo

  62.  #62LoveAlways on April 4, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    Love this post by Rori. I feel like the past and the future swirl around me like gusts of wind, and the present is what touches my face and skin I refuse to stop moving forward because of the swirling winds. I am constantly recreating myself, my self image. I feel brave facing the winds of the past and the winds of the future – I feel afraid in each direction. But I keep moving forward, recreating myself, loving myself and finding what there is to love in my life. It’s not perfect, but it’s mine, and I’m creating it. Love this post Rori.

  63.  #63LoveAlways on April 4, 2014 at 7:08 pm

    I have been working on the Diva creed lately. Keeping the focus on me (I am working my way to the dating part again, but quality candidates this time. I can get triggered in the meeting process and move on). Men are all over the place and I’m not moved. I’m all about myself and what I need to get done. I smile and am friendly . . . dazzling these men. They are clamoring to get a date, to get a number, to get a drink . . . alas, this Diva is on her way somewhere right now, perhaps another time. Always sweet and feminine but steppin on about my business and my pleasure. I’m loving this deep rooted Diva feminine phase I’m going through. Watching guys that I would have easily stopped and given my number too a couple of years ago. Now I give them that warm genuine smile and keep it moving in MY direction. This queen requires a king. Not judging, just saying.

  64.  #64Tereana on April 4, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    Kyla – that all sounds perfectly reasonable to me! I’m not familiar with the idea of “not driving home from a man’s place at night.” Seems like driving home is a great idea if it means you won’t be staying over and it’s too early for that. Lol. ANC assuming you are not having lots of drinks…but anyway, sounds great. I love it when men cook for me, too!! 🙂

  65.  #65Tereana on April 4, 2014 at 7:14 pm


  66.  #66LoveAlways on April 4, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    Here is a question I’ve been asking myself lately (and I haven’t been able to answer it truthfully or with full knowledge) – How do you fall in love with a man, be in love with a man, I mean really really feeling it – without losing yourself. I’ve got it in theory. But I’m talking about when you LOVE him? And Yes, I love this gorgeous life of mine, and I don’t want to lose any aspect of it, but when those feelings for another person well up in your insides, what do you do to keep from losing yourself in those emotions? We must allow that love to be, we must enjoy it. Feel our feelings. Be in the moment.

    When I hear love songs now, I judge them. I feel bad doing that, but I do it.

    I say to myself, why is she promising to do all these things for this man? Can’t she just love him and say so. Yes, I love you and I enjoy being with you, but I can wait to go to the spa with girls tomorrow afternoon! What is the emotional balance here?

    I love hard, but I won’t let go of myself ever again. And I have no idea what this will look like. Any experiences or thoughts on this?


  67.  #67LoveAlways on April 4, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    I feel hungry. Time to make something yummy for my siren tummy. Broccoli soup feels good right now. I’m going to make that.

  68.  #68Tereana on April 4, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    Well, I have noticed one of my big triggers lately, and I’m noticing big time. Basically, the feeling I tend to have is that people don’t have time for me. I feel unimportant, and that they are more important, or at least they think they are, and this creates a scenario where basically I give them a the power to “help” me feel that way.

    I’ve noticed it acutely with my mother, but I’m unsure if it *originates* with her, or if it’s something I have, which I project onto her and everyone else. I do know that, as a narcissistic-ish mom, she needs to feel important. And she surrounds herself with people and activities that always give her somewhere to go and something to do and something to be involved in. She likes the frenzied pace, and she loves multi-tasking, like taking a break from a phone call to ask me a question. I believe she hates “down time,” whereas I love “down time.” It charges me up.

    Anyway. I’ve just wondered if her attitude of always needing to go somewhere and so something has left me with a feeling of being not important.

    Woah, even as I wrote that, I felt a tingling all over the front of my body, and a sadness came up. I’m a but misty-eyed right now. My inner little girl is feeling sad, just thinking about it.

    Yes, my mom always had (has) to be more important than me. Therefore I have a need to feel important, but the trouble is, it’s so hard for me to believe. So when someone else does something that triggers this feeling in me, I assume they don’t like me and I want to preemptively take them out of my life.

    This has come up even with M. If he doesn’t make lots of plans with me, I jump to a story that he is not interested and doesn’t want to see me. Today he even sent me a text about this weekend that I totally misread. I was so prepared to hear that he didn’t have much time for me, that I misread that he said he *could* stay longer, and assumed he had other plans. But he didn’t. And he wants to spend time with me.

    I don’t love this trigger. But at least I feel a little more calm today, just acknowledging it…

  69.  #69Linda on April 4, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    LoveAlways… your last post are inspiring. I have been in hibernation for a few months. I got so depleted in my last relationship. I wont go into the details of it all but I can remember actually saying to myself. “you have got to stop doing this and be kinder to yourself”. I was feeling offline with myself and not taking care of myself first while I was in the relationship. I dialed it back and made the adjustments.

    That inner wellness that you write about is such a strong beacon. When you get off course it will guide you right back. Mine did. Time revealed that the man in my last relationship was emotionally a very insecure needy man. He found my desire to “not let myself go” and maintain me threatening. There was a constant tug of war. He pulled and pushed until I let go and walked away.

    Having experienced it I now know how that did not “fit”. You will know it too. When it fits…(and I am open to adjustments but never replacing) it will feel easy and it will be easy to be me in love at the same time.

  70.  #70Turquoise on April 4, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    Hi sirens… Just checking in. Day 2 of no crying, but a couple times I came close. I saw some family for the first time… Hard to keep it all together. I just take a lot of deep, slow breaths. I still feel somewhat numb. I wished for rainbows… Didn’t see them myself, but me neighbors posted pictures of double ones. That felt good to see.

    I saw sweethearts parents today. The offered to buy me a charm with his ashes. I chose a beautiful filigree cylinder. I’m very touched they want me to have him with me. I miss my friend. 🙁

  71.  #71Millie on April 4, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    Love always—that’s so great!!! 🙂
    How did you do it?

  72.  #72Daria on April 4, 2014 at 11:59 pm

    So excited using my Rori tools and Abe vibration and all types of tools like Byron Katies

    and now my fave cd ill call him Good Man showed back up!

    and i had sex

    and i didnt drive and it allowed our energy to stay polarized

  73.  #73Daria on April 5, 2014 at 12:00 am

    and h e asked me for a date for tomorrow too, he’s picking me up and we’re going bike riding back to his place

  74.  #74Daria on April 5, 2014 at 12:09 am

    he got me a perfect gift again a Daria style bracelet

  75.  #75Daria on April 5, 2014 at 1:27 am

    my man is back my man is back my man is back

    i feel like i love him without losing myself

    im not busy thinking about him, and when he comes to mind i feel pleasant smile security warmth

    i love his masculinity when he
    s around me and the special team feeling we have

  76.  #76Veronica on April 5, 2014 at 1:36 am

    Tereana – 65 – Thank you x (soft feminine exhale from your hug)

  77.  #77Daria on April 5, 2014 at 1:38 am

    yeah i also feel much more feminine now that ive given up driving home from a man’s at night

    i used to pride myself on my masculine energy at being able to go home so late! after having taken myself over there

    and now it just feels like, im missing the masculine energy if im doing it. kinda like a lil bit slumpy and sad

    i don’t want that, feels so much better with romance and him doing everything

    my babe today came through on his bike tho i ahve a car, felt so much more level for me, i almost interrupted that and probabluy wouldave distorted our energy again like before

  78.  #78Mandy on April 5, 2014 at 2:34 am

    I feel very perturbed. My guy is sitting across the room from me being bitter and bratty because i told him not to give out my phone number without telling me. His phone is out of minutes, and so I told him he could use mine but I never said he could just go giving out my number to his old friends. He found an old friend from highschool he doesn’t even know these days and just sent it to her without my permission. When I told him not to do that, it’s like I told him to chop his manhood off and hand it to me. He kept getting angry saying that it’s because I’m jealous. He is also drunk right now. I wish I could leave when this happens but it’s 2:32 am he’s playing loud aggressive music and I’m in a studio apartment with him which means no sleep anytime soon and I just have to be stuck here. I feel so disgusted and angry with him right now. I do so much for him.

    I’m just trying to think of when McDonald’s around the corner or the grocery store is opening in the morning so I might be able to make an escape. This is ridiculous. Wish I could call a friend.

  79.  #79Indigo on April 5, 2014 at 4:42 am

    LoveAlways 66,

    This is the big question. And one that I grapple with on a more or less continuous basis. When I am single, I love myself, I love my life. I mean, there are incompletenesses here and there, but I feel comfortable in my love for myself and my ability to care for myself, in general.

    Then, when I either LOVE someone, or am invested in someone, triggers and unsettling feelings come up for me which cause me to lose that strong centred feeling I have. I feel them, I communicate them, I work through them, but I never get it completely “right” (whatever that is), and I never regain that calm, strong, knowing sense of self that I had before, not fully.

    It’s a big part of what makes me a bit terrified of getting into relationships and jumping in there. I don’t want to lose my sense of myself, and I always do, to a greater or lesser degree.

    I’m trying not to give in to the fear though. I am trying to practice gentleness on myself, better communication, seeing my patterns, making improvements wherever I can. When I love someone, it is exceptionally deep, and it is an exceptionally powerful force, to the point that I feel like I’m clinging to a small little tree in the midst of a sea crashing and swirling powerfully like a storm all around me. It’s not easy 🙂 but I have to believe this is where my work is.


  80.  #80Sirenity on April 5, 2014 at 5:51 am

    A note to Turquoise, Thinking of you and wondering how your heart feels tonight? I am thinking you were smart got the feeling that something was off with Sweetheart. You were right. Long ago I got the feeling something was off with my husband..I still think to this day he may be gay..but trapped in his nowhere world. Your story left me reliving my old fears ..but it left me feeling comfortable too that I knew , whatever happened in his was not ever about me.And so it is with you, so NOT about you.

  81.  #81Linda on April 5, 2014 at 6:51 am

    My mind keeps drifting back to things that happened my last relationship. It is amazing to me how much the bad feeling stuff stands out so much more than the good feeling stuff. I wonder why that is? I will admit that I tapped into pocket of deep sadness and disappointment that this relationship did not work. I do grieve the loss of the good stuff but immediately on the heels of waves of that come a peaceful feeling of ahhh that I am not going to be confronted with another issue from him anymore.

    I feel like I am entering a new phase of me. It feels a deeper place of centered and balanced. I am free of feeling driven or piney or wanting. I feel open to life with no agenda but instead accepting of my singleness. I guess saying no to my last relationship and walking away shifted the energy in my life.

    I still want a relationship, want a partner, lover, best friend. I still want to share my life with someone. I have a better idea of who I am and what I need and whats important to me than ever before. That feels accomplished and successful. I feel closer than ever to having the kind of relationship that I want. There is no “Get er done” or “doing” energy with this… just a peaceful flow-ie awareness that I will.

  82.  #82Linda on April 5, 2014 at 6:57 am

    Daria.. your posts made me feel happy for you. Truly happy!

  83.  #83Linda on April 5, 2014 at 7:09 am

    My quiet self-awarness feels very, soft and humbling and raw and peaceful all at the same time. I am filled with a sense of “okay” today and it is well with my soul.

  84.  #84Cécilia on April 5, 2014 at 10:05 am

    Mandy… I feel really scared for you… for some reason or another I have this awful feeling about your situation and I feel like you should take a breather and get out of there.
    Reading about his behavior really deeply triggered me… reading about him just caused me so much disturbance… I am having memories of my ex, who constantly put me down and treated me awfully… oohhh, triggers… 🙁

  85.  #85Daria on April 5, 2014 at 10:31 am

    thank you Linda 🙂

    yay hehe

  86.  #86Liquid Light on April 5, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    Me too! Yay Daria!!! 🙂

  87.  #87Mandy on April 5, 2014 at 2:28 pm


    I just want to let you know I am in no danger.

    All I need is just a place to go when he gets emotionally silly. He likes to have a couple drinks sometimes, and when he does this when he’s stressed (he’s on the anti-depressants that make him feel weird and also his grandma is dying) he’s just totally irrationally emotional; he doesn’t do much but just ask me questions that are ridiculous and whine when this happens, but this overwhelms and tires me SO much I totally feel like dipping out and going to Denny’s and just having a cup of coffee because I feel like someone’s freaking mom.

    My dad says he’s an “emotional cripple’ and that I will have a hard time dealing with anyone who is…I thought that was WAY harsh, but he does have a point, J could definitely use some emotional structure.

    Wow, I felt angry as hell when I just typed that out. Emotional structure. I feel like he’s such a big baby sometimes, it’s not scary at all, it is just very very taxing and annoying. I just hate playing therapist so much. I just want to throw everything down and scream whenever he is wierding out so badly.

    It’s a damn good thing he’s getting professional help soon because sometimes when he’s upset he won’t even let me sleep, he’ll just keep waking me up for help and freaking out. This only happens once every three or four months and I know sometimes everyone needs a “melt down”, but he is the KING of taxing my energy to the point of me being so wound up I just lose my marbles and start yelling in my deliriousness.

    SO, let me re-iterate, not in any harm or danger, not in the least, I just want someplace safe to go when I’ve had enough besides the bath inside my little cubby hole of a studio apartment. I can always go outside to the porch he does it when he’s mad, but for some reason I go hide in the bathroom and take a bath, but sometimes I just want out of the damn apartment altogether but can’t go anywhere because I don’t drive due to my disability, and nothing’s open at 2 am…

    Whew, thanks for listening though, this blog really really helps…

  88.  #88Starla on April 5, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Mandy, do you share a home with him?
    If him drinking results in him doing that, I would tell him not to drink again in my home. That you feel trapped when he gets like that and you don’t appreciate it, and he can either not drink or just not come over period.

  89.  #89Daria on April 5, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    thanks ladies, feeling a lil bummed and getting ready to take it out on my date

    sigh lol

    i feel kinda bummed he kept changing our meeting time but actually it fit perfectly into my schedule, i just feel more gung ho and amore personally important when the schedule stays formally fixed

  90.  #90Rori Raye on April 5, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    Starla! It’s so great to see you here! (Perhaps you’ve been here for awhile – and I just saw your comment, if so, please forgive…)

    Oh – and Daria – lovely to see your great voice so steadily…Love, Rori

  91.  #91Cupcake on April 5, 2014 at 8:03 pm


    How was your date Friday night?


  92.  #92Cupcake on April 5, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    Hi, Sirens-

    Just a shout out because I miss you all.

    I’ve been working a series of temp jobs, and making a point of going to the gym every day, and talking to people. With the result that I am starting to feel like I have a social life, and considering that I’ve only been in New City since Thanksgiving, it feels really good.

    My birthday is Tuesday and I actually have friends to spend it with. I’ve spent the last couple birthdays alone, because two years ago it was Easter and people had plans with their families, and last year because my friends all had to work.

    I’ve retired from the online dating thing for a while. There are so many lovely men in this city, and the dating sites seem to have only the dregs of what’s available.

    A lot of the people I’ve been hanging out with are men, handsome, fun, intelligent men– although sadly they are all unavailable for dating. Which perhaps is just as well because they are all 20 years younger than me and it would only be frustrating.

    That said, it feels good to be the woman at the bar sitting with a table of attractive young men who all make me feel cossetted and adored. They hang on my every word and make me feel like a total siren.

    So that’s nice.

    That’s really all I have to say.

    I think about you guys. Sending you all love.


  93.  #93GlowStix on April 5, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    Hi! 🙂

    Life feels pretty good lately. I am about to begin a couple of new Journeys and i’m feeling excited and anticipatory and stopping by here and reading this came at just the right time. 🙂 I won’t talk about them because I don’t want to get into that “planning” energy.
    I just spent the last hour feeling the floor beneath my feet, the air on my skin and the clothes on my body. It felt amazingly refreshing and grounding.

  94.  #94Femininewoman on April 6, 2014 at 12:07 am

    Hey Glowstix. I am feeling bright and sparkly seeing you here.

  95.  #95Indigo on April 6, 2014 at 5:30 am

    Hi Cupcake!

    That sounds so lovely 🙂

  96.  #96GlowStix on April 6, 2014 at 6:47 am

    Hi FW!

    So nice to see you too 🙂

  97.  #97GlowStix on April 6, 2014 at 7:09 am

    I feel like this post and the advice in it should be fabulous for my dance with procrastination…Just need to make the brain connections.

    So…I’ve been around. Rori’s writings are invaluable to me. I took a break from posting, however. Thinking back now I see that I felt a bit overwhelmed.
    It seems like so much has changed and yet so much has stayed the same…
    I have grown immeasurably and I feel so proud of myself for all of my internal accomplishments with confidence, self-awareness, fears, intimacy.
    I am still with the same man and the relationship is deeper than ever. He surprises me in so many ways every day…I think together we have become masters of communication, conflict resolution, trust. Those are our strongest points, and our weaker points serve us in learning and growing together.

    But that’s not why i’m here now…
    I have such a desire to get back to riffing and I can’t think of a better place to do it. 🙂

    This morning I feel contemplative and yet unable to come with much to write about other than an update. There are a few sharp spots in my being…I feel fears, I feel apprehension, I feel like i’m pushing up against wall and a desire to break through. I feel i’ve only just come out of my dark night within the last year and I know it’s time to start accomplishing in ways other than emotionally. There are voices I hear that tell me…Well, they don’t tell me I can’t do it. That’s the strange part. They tell me I can! I so can! But that I don’t really want to. That it’s all a whole lot of effort and even though I have the power, comprehension, and skill…I just won’t do it. They aren’t believing in my ability to persevere.

  98.  #98ArabianLove on April 6, 2014 at 7:22 am

    Good morning ladies!
    Roles have reversed in my relationship … Boy was my bf great for the first 2 months of our relationship… He would message me something sweet every morning . Within the second week of knowing each other, he asked me several times if i wanted to be his girlfriend and i accepted. He called me when he was with his friends ect… He has told me that he wants a serious relationship that would lead to marriage and children. He asked me 3 weeks ago if i wanted to have kids.. Despite this question, i feel like since the last month and a half we have become more distanced from each other i have been initiating a lot figuring well im his gf i can do what i want . I asked to spend time with him but he is always giving me the excuse that he is too busy and stressed with finishing his degree and getting his papers in order for becoming a permanent resident. Yet he has time for sports and his guy friends. One day i was so angry i didnt answer a message he sent me, he messaged me again the next day and i told him that i felt the need to simply disconnect from everything and he mentioned that i was like him in the sense that i didnt want to talk to anyone when in a bad mood. I am getting worried that somehow he is trying to break it off with me… I have told him how i feel once (well twice by mistake)and he told me not to worry that he wants me to stay and support him and he will give me the little time he has to try and make me happy ..the next day we spent the whole day together but this past couple week i have gotten nothing… Not even a phone call. This is where i made my mistake of telling him again thru text that were meant for my bff. I want to be his priority not the last thing on his list which i feel like i am right now. I feel like he is very clueless as his culture is completely different and conservative (not supposed to even touch a woman or have a gf but he does things and changes his ways in these aspects to show me is interested bc if hed never touched me id doubt he was into me though he mentions its not part of his culture) I have been dating myself, trying to be more girly and i have finally stopped overfuctionning in terms of reaching out to him and asking him to do things with him. 4 days no contact…this is the last month of his masters … Im so confused …
    Any advice would be appreciated 🙂 thank you ArabianLove

  99.  #99GlowStix on April 6, 2014 at 7:30 am

    Just reading back now! So great to see so many fqmiliar names!!

    <3 ladies 🙂

  100.  #100Indigo on April 6, 2014 at 9:18 am

    I am in a relationship with a very sweet, gorgeous man… I’ve mentioned him on here before, I called him Blue.

    Anyway, we have been in a relationship for 3 or 4 weeks now, and I am being triggered left, right and centre. I really had to wonder why this was the case, as all the more casual relationships I’ve had in the last couple of years have been very easy breezy, and I have hardly felt bothered by anything. Also, Blue and I were close friends for a little while before we started dating and we had an exceptionally chilled out friendship.

    Now that we are in a relationship, it is like Whoah! hang onto your hats! My insecurities and fears have been right at the surface and it’s been a very unsettling feeling. Trying to communicate with him through these feelings has proved a challenge.

    My fear of abandonment has reared its pretty little head and I’ve been feeling a bit shakey and anxious at times.

    He is a masculine man and he has been making such an effort, and it feels lovely… lovely to the point that I feel challenged. Has anyone else felt challenged by feeling good? by feeling happy?

    I wondered why on earth this was happening. And then it occurred to me today that these triggers, and working through them and my fear was *exactly* what I needed as I have been battling with this with D for years.

    It feels challenging but it is exactly what I need.

  101.  #101Andrea on April 6, 2014 at 9:51 am

    Do you know what this beautiful man did?

    : ) Oh I just feel so special and smiling, light hearted, amazed thinking about him. Our first date was last week. He took for dinner. We had a good time. Laughed, talked, got to know each other a little bit. He dropped me off and THEN he reached into the back seat of his truck and brought up a boquet of roses.

    I thought it was so touching and sweet. He gave me the gift after the date. It made me feel like it wasn’t just a generic gesture that a “man is supposed” to do. He really made me feel like he enjoyed my company and he wanted ME to have this gift.

    Okay, last night, another date. This time a movie and dinner and dancing afterward. All his plan, his idea.. at the end of the night, he brought me home, walked me to my lobby. We kissed and mmmmmm steamy hot. Then he said.. “Oh wait a minute.” He ran back to his truck and came back with another gift. This time a deep red dessert wine, the bottle wrapped in a nice gift bag.

    I’m sitting here this morning just smiling and thinking about him. Sometime last week, before our date, he was thinking about me, and went out of his way to find a good gift for me. I was just sitting here happy and joy filled heart, feeling all this princessy specialness because of him. I like this. I like feeling this way.

  102.  #102Liquid Light on April 6, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Wow, Andrea, that sounds fantastic!!!

    My date last night was not like that. We started out at a rowdy sports bar with a bunch of drunk 20 somethings watching the basketball game. One of them crashed into our table spilling everything including a beer on my date. Then we walked to a restaurant down the street which ended up being one of the restaurants I had been to 20 years ago when I lived there. I mean of all the 100s and 100s of restaurants and he has to pick that one??? It just felt really disappointing for some reason. Then he took me out to another bar which was full of rowdy 20 somethings. They all were. I felt like I was at a frat party the whole night. And this guy is older than me, in his 50s! My ex was a big partier too. Feeling like we’re just not a good fit. 🙁

  103.  #103ArabianLove on April 6, 2014 at 11:26 am

    I know what i should be doing … Letting him take the lead and contact me … Initiate again and get on with my own life not waiting but i told him id be his girl and so now i feel guilty dating others … So ive been dating myself but its hard and boring i want a companion … That is kind and wants me as much if not more than i want him ! Thats all ! Instead, i feel im in limbo … Waiting for him to finish his degree knowing very well that if i keep pushing nothing will change !

    So im trying to change … Im painting, drawing, lounging around, watching movies and sometimes heading out with friends but quite honestly I feel alone though i supposesly have a bf and i feel bored and unsatisfied like the only way for me to feel complete is to be with a man that I WANT! When i want lol

    Aaaahhh always the same thing … Thats why im sticking to leaning back … Usually after it works i lean in forward again which is not good !

  104.  #104Kyla on April 6, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    @ Cupcake! It feels so good to hear from you! I’m happy to hear that things are going good for you in New City 🙂

    @ Liquid Light, sorry to hear that the date with S wasn’t too fun 🙁

    So I’ve spent almost all week with Ninja and I adore his company. When I got his house Friday night he met me at my car to walk me up, he had cleared his living from and had the moon projected on to the wall, candes, music, cooked me a delicious dinner and dessert (he had to research what he could make me to suit my diet!) and played the guitar for me, watched a couple movies and then it was really late and he offered to drive me home. Next morning he picked me up for breakfast and I got my car. Last night I was supposed to have a date but it fell through and Ninja came over to watch the game with me at my place and then we went for a movie. This morning he picked me up for breakfast again and we went for a hike.

    He’s super affectionate, lots of hand holding, pulls me in close for cuddles, has a hand on me nearly all the time and it feels really really good. I feel very safe and comfortable and happy with him and he’s so much fun. And has lots of hobbies that he’s passionate about so even though we have so much in common we also have our own separate interests. That feels really important to me. I really like him. I feel special and cherished. He makes such an effort, has made so much time to fit around my schedule and I feel so much energy coming at me I can’t help but stay in feminine receiving mode with him. I feel so happy 🙂

  105.  #105Millie on April 6, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    Cupcake–nice to see you back 🙂

  106.  #106Dominique on April 6, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Indigo – 100 – I don’t feel at all surprised this is happening. Of course things feel easy when you have nothing really invested, i.e. your heart. Now that your heart is in this, the fears and insecurities will raise their lovely little heads.

    Can you try bathing yourself in all that he is doing? Summoning these memories and images when you’re feeling shaky? Can you allow yourself the vulnerability to tell him you feel anxious and insecure sometimes?


  107.  #107Millie on April 6, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    Rori’s post was perfectly timed. I had a breakthrough the other night. I had plans to go out, but changed my mind and stayed home to work on some projects, which made me feel good to do. I was feeling low though, the voices telling me how worthless I am, that no one is ever going to love me, that my beauty is just going to waste, that I “kill” attraction…
    When Mechanic called me, he made a joke saying “I’m never going to think about you again.” I laughed and joked back, but I felt a tightness in my chest. Like two hands holding on to its center. I don’t know what it is called anatomically. The other night, I felt that same tightness in my chest, even though I was alone. I realized, I recognize this tightness. It is not unfamiliar to me. I started to think about all the times I remember feeling this gripping in my chest. It happens often. I remember it happening a lot with my ex, when he would do or say something that made me feel less than or that revealed he didn’t care as much as I did. That tightness prevented me from saying anything, from lashing back out. It hardened me, allowed me to take the punches and appear “tough” especially when he dismissed my feelings by saying “you think too much.” My body created this reaction to protect me, like an opossum standing still in the light, only to get hit by a car. People trigger me all the time in this way, triggering me in a way that reminds me of how I felt then and my body goes into this automatic gripping. I held my hand to my chest and told myself, “He’s not here anymore. He’s gone, you can let go now of this pain now. You can let go.”And I started to sob uncontrollably, even now as I write this, tears are coming. Tears of relief to know that I’ve discovered this physical cue and I can do something about it! I repeated to myself over and over, “You can let go now..” and I felt my chest start to relax, until the tightness was no longer there! I told myself….You’ve been like an oyster, letting a small grain of attraction in and then shutting it out. It isn’t that you aren’t capable of building attraction, you kill it in self defense. Because my body is scared that if it opens up it will feel the hurt. The past is ruling my present.
    I have felt the pain of what happened with him, but I’m holding on to the pain as if it’s defining me, as it its a shield to protect me and keep other out. Well, it’s working when it comes to love. Friends I am doing well in.

    Next time I feel my body gripping itself. I know to breathe, and say, you can let go… and just be present. I need to learn to react differently. My body needs to learn, so I can speak. I am a great communicator, my body just needs to let me and I feel better giving myself that permission. 🙂

  108.  #108Kyla on April 6, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    That’s so awesome Millie! Yay 🙂

  109.  #109Luzydel on April 6, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    What if you sense a man is lying to you?

    Should I stay quiet and let him lie or should I just say…

    “that may sound true to you, but it doesn’t feel true to me.”

    Been thinking on saying this to someone who I feel is blatantly lying to me….

  110.  #110Luzydel on April 6, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    I cannot act upon what he is saying, because it doesn’t FEEL true to me….

  111.  #111Daria on April 6, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    m man coming out of the cuts writing me hella real and such romanticized messages

    i feel good with this

    i feel mad with his actions and perspective

    i wrote him back a challenging text and now i feel sad, i feel scared

    id rather wish i used feeling messages

  112.  #112Turquoise on April 6, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    Hi Sirens. Another loss… a high school classmate, passed away yesterday. He had addiction issues, I’ve heard it was a heroin overdose. So sad. I feel overwhelmed with this much grief around me lately. I’m wishing I could escape to the beach.

    Sirenity, I’m feeling ok about how things ended with Sweetheart. I’m glad he told me. In the long run, if he had passed away while we were still a couple…. this would have been much harder to get through. Rationally I know I’m going to be ok. Emotionally, I just really miss my friend. Keeping busy, taking my girls to do things, visiting family, working on the new Gold Canyon business…. all good for me right now.

  113.  #113Turquoise on April 6, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    Thank you all for your concern. It helps so much to know I can come here and say anything I need to. Your support means everything to me right now.

  114.  #114Tereana on April 6, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Oh wow, Turquoise. Well, this isn’t much help, probably, but I heard a very wise teacher once observe that horrible life events often come in threes. Don’t know why that it, but it’s been true for me also. And I don’t believe in silver linings, exactly, or blessings in disguises. Sometimes the odd blessing is the horrible thing itself and the opportunity to feel deeply as you grieve and to connect with others. That is not to downplay, but rather honor whatever is happening for you…

  115.  #115Tereana on April 6, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    Violette, I just wanted to speak to your question in #66. It’s a really good question. For me, the first answer is the siren tools help us with this. As we connect with ourselves, and with what we want and feel, it becomes easier to maintain “who we are” when a man arrives in the picture.

    Sherry Argov describes it really well, too, in her “why men love b*tches” series. But just think of “b*tch” as “siren.” That’s essentially what she means: a woman who won’t give up what she loves and what feeds and nourishes her in service of the man and the relationship.

    So, for example, for me, that means creating space. For myself. And not changing plans just because I “can.” On Friday, I was heading home from work thinking about this, actually. I could have taken the train to see M instead of gone home. He had asked to see me Friday. But I to him I needed to rest, and to get up early on Saturday morning. Those things were true. But I had to consciously hold onto them, knowing that if I didn’t “make space” for him, and instead made “space” for me, and the quiet rest time I knew I needed, then I could actually be more present, and enjoy it more when I did see him. And that’s the way it happened.

    If he loves me, he’ll love me when I’m doing things that make me happy, even when they don’t include him. And it works both ways. Now, I would like to be included in some more areas of his life. But that will come with time….

  116.  #116Emerson on April 6, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    This article reall speaks to me…feels like rori is talking directly to me!
    I know that letting go of expectations is such a better way to function for me …
    I feel like I’ve let go completely of any hope or even desire to he with exoticCD…
    RecycledCD and I are not talking…which is ok and probably more healthy for me right now.
    CutecityCD is missing in action and I am leaning back completely.
    I feel like i am to let them all go…

    I am ready for a transformation …

    Having a love partner for life involves total acceptance and unconditional love….flaws cannot be focused on… Freedom to be your own self is huge…

  117.  #117Emerson on April 6, 2014 at 8:00 pm


    Luzydel that is a very good question…
    Maybe phrase it like you feel curious about his statement??

    Hmm that’s a tough one how to react in a feminine voice?

  118.  #118Daria on April 6, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    so now i wrote him some appreciative feeling messages

    i feel better



    i feel concerned ill feel boat rocked soon again

    im gonna answer my pofs

    i had an awesome feeling date with Good Man yesterday and i met his paretns

    but i want us to practice more on making me feel good, because it doesn’t feel instantly comfy as it does with some men

    and my nani got irritated and doesnt want it anymore until it feels comfy

  119.  #119Daria on April 6, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    so now he sends me an unappreciative text i see

    and i feel …

    and mad

    so i sent 🙁 :/


    i realy am just feeling like moving away from this

    i feel annoyed that my oen pof date for today i felt a not good vibe with and then he turned out to not be a good match indeed, before meeting and

    now i have no plans AGAIN

    and i feel hateful of my boy that he doesnt’ come up with plans for me

  120.  #120Tereana on April 6, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    Indigo, it feels good to “see” you here! And cupcake! And GlowStix! : )

    And indigo, I totally hear you on that. I, too, recently got into a relationship with a lovely man, M. And I have to say, at the three-four week mark, I had a LOT of triggers come up. It’s gotten a little easier, now that we are past it. Luckily, he’s stuck with me, and that gives me confidence and makes it easier to say what I want/need to say. And he’s really responsive. I like that. Everything isn’t perfect, but I think with someone that you are truly bonding with, that month mark is pretty significant.

    And I’ve also had issues with discomfort around feeling good. I’m pretty sure I still do, but MUCH much less so. I’d say the feeling tools have helped immensely with that. Just even noticing that I feel that way without judging it can help it to dissipate. And congratulations on your new relationship : ) triggers help is grow. May it help you to continue to grow… 🙂

  121.  #121Daria on April 6, 2014 at 8:07 pm


  122.  #122Daria on April 6, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    i was getting that opressive feelin thinking about Good Man that i got with my hs boyfriend

    the feeling that i will have to devote to him although i dont feel sexually inspired

    and all i reallyu want is to get out and be seen and interact with men who turn me on! and mka me feel excited

    and i felt all sad and de[ressed like that

    i actually feel better now that i texted M man and got into the loop of thinking about him and our interactions

    i feel way fresher and opener about Good man


    Circular Dating what a blessing, and even better it will feel when im having actual dates

  123.  #123Emerson on April 6, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    ah I feel so thankful for the little things!
    I realized that what rori encourages us to do, I’ve been naturally doing my whole life but now I don’t feel guilty I feel good…
    For example admiring something about myself and feeling thankful…
    For instance I look at my arms and I love how they are assembled and I find them beautiful and a blessing..
    In high school i used to secretly admire my feet and ankles …feeling thankful for my youth and beauty and ability to jump and run…
    It sounds silly but it’s true!
    I feel thankful for my body and how the Creator assembled me!
    It enables me to help others.. Im healthy and strong !

  124.  #124Emerson on April 6, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    I feel piney about cutecityCD a little bit but it’s getting better the more I lean back …
    And focus on me…
    I have been working alot… This weekend I took some time to beautify!! I’m planning to continue the beautification this week gettin my nails done and buying some workout clothes!!!

  125.  #125Emerson on April 6, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    I feel like going to bed early! I feel a little lonely tonite but I will be ok.

  126.  #126Daria on April 6, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    yay i feel xcited with my manifesting fun 🙂

    and leaning back and saying no to what i dont want, i attracted one of my guy friends to bring get right with him to chill wi me now lol and drink champagne by the lake

  127.  #127Indigo on April 6, 2014 at 9:37 pm

    Dominique 106,

    You are so right. Before, my heart was not invested, I wasn’t bothered one way or the other how things turned out. But now, it’s as if I’m seeing him with new eyes… as someone who wants to be with me, and I want some happiness in my life, and that is scary.

    I did actually break down into tears yesterday morning and tell him that I feel frightened and insecure, and that it was not anything that he had done wrong. He talked too, and it encouraged me to really focus on the many, many things he does which show how much of an effort he is making and make me feel adored, rather than on the things which make me feel a little shakey. I mean, on Friday night when he came over to pick me up, he brought me a bottle of Christina Aguilera Royal Desire, just because!

    Thank you xxx

  128.  #128Indigo on April 6, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    Tereana 127

    Hi! Lovely to see you here too!

    How right you are about one month mark… and I feel really good that you understand and have gone through the same thing. It can feel a little scary when you finally have a man there for you.

    Thank you for the congrats, and you are right, my temptation has been to bail on this relationship but it is a great way to work through triggers, and I’ve decided not to give in to my fears, but to see what this relationship has to teach me.

    It feels really good to hear you also being happy with a man xx

  129.  #129Mandy on April 6, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    Well, I used some Rori tools with my freelance work.
    It worked. I said to myself stay patient and work will come. So, I have jobs and fun things to work on this month, and I feel super excited! Also noticed hard work at the gym is paying off quickly!

    Leigha gave me a week’s homework with J. I noticed she was right on the money with him picking up the paddles when I put them DOWN for once and let them there.

    Let me explain a bit more about my trouble leaving those blasted paddles alone. Being a go-getter, stubborn and a type A personality (impatient or always ready to go, lol), I have a really great “boy-side” of myself, which helps me get places I want to be and helps my feminine side; this is also because I have a disability and was forced to learn to be my own advocate. Grabbing the paddles always won me praise from my dad, and I will even pat myself on the back for doing it, because it is what I was raised to do. Also, I feel very attracted to feminine-energy men, because of their passion, authenticity, cool demeanor and the beauty of the fact that they may not subscribe to traditional gender-roles like me (when I was younger, I even used to feel angry about the fact women couldn’t give men flowers…I felt ANGRY I wasn’t allowed to do what they do.) So, when I’m with him, naturally I will just go right for those paddles with a lot of enthusiasm and feel great about it and tell myself I did well.

    But I realize it will take more mastery to “out-girl” him, and I may feel even better about myself mastering it and patting myself on the back for it, AND I’ll get to reap the rewards of leaning back, such as feeling good he’s starting the conversation and not telling me I talk too much, lol…maybe even him jumping up to rub my back or give me a kiss…this could get us quite far, never know what surprises could be in store out-girling a feminine man. *smile*

    SO there’s me, I realize I’m in a very particular situation, and I like the feminine energy, but I will be the most feminine energy person I know if I learn how to out-girl him…he could be a great coach here for me!

    Time for a Siren bath at the end of a full week of Siren homework.


  130.  #130ArabianLove on April 7, 2014 at 3:59 am

    I feel a slight urgency to do something! And i feel very nervous that i wont get anything if i dont dooo something. Leaning back is so hard ! I want him to be the one and so that i can move on to a new phase and not have to worry about this !

  131.  #131Emerson on April 7, 2014 at 5:39 am

    The things that I’ve been visualizing keep happening…good things…
    I intend to remain positive and we how this day unfolds…

  132.  #132Dominique on April 7, 2014 at 5:51 am

    Turquoise – 112 – Holding you in a energetic heart hug.

    Much love to you.


  133.  #133Femininewoman on April 7, 2014 at 6:39 am

    Arabian I saw your comments and wondered if you ever checked in with yourself to see what “worrying” has ever created for you?

  134.  #134Kyla on April 7, 2014 at 6:48 am

    I feel a little fear today. I woke up feeling weird and it feels like a doomy feeling of waiting to jump and not trusting the safety net below to work but knowing I was ready to jump anyway. I need to throw myself into work and I know it would be a distraction too but the fear won’t dissipate yet, its coming in slow sad waves. Its shifting and making me yawn so much. I’ve been dreaming of ex’s and resolving our past hurts the last 3 nights. I’ve felt lighter and peaceful and more loving. Something is changing in me. Mmmm lots of happiness and easy pleasant feelings makes me feel safe to bring up sadness and fear in non destructive ways. Not so bad.

  135.  #135GlowStix on April 7, 2014 at 7:34 am

    Good morning sirens. 🙂

    Today is wet and cold and rainy and I feel centered and calm
    and lazy. Maybe if I write here I will feel encouraged to go to the pool and swim for a while. I’ve been challenging myself to create a stronger, healthier body, all the while I feel it breaking down in different ways and it feel discouraging. Swimming though…The weightlessness. It is such a helpful state for my various long and short term current injuries.
    It’s also such an amazing sensory experience when I feel able to shut off my mind and really “sink in” to the sensations of the cool water of the pool, or the hot dry heat of the sauna…Sometimes I feel every pore on my body opening individually.

    I’m thinking thinking thinking. About how much change will happen in my life in the coming months. About a deeper commitment within my relationship. A bigger financial commitment in my living situation. However “tiny” the shift is in and of itself…It’s all big to me.
    And somehow, when I think of it all, I feel a heavy pressure to “get sh*t done” and tie up all thd loose ends of my divorce.
    I feel like a dark cloud now. Heyo love to you dark cloud.

  136.  #136Emerson on April 7, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    Today I’m feeling pouty about cutecityCD but I am continuing to lean back…

  137.  #137redbutterfly on April 8, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    Just popped in to say hi to all you lovely sirens. Sorry for your losses, Turquiose. Hugs to you! I hope eventually it won’t feel so raw.

  138.  #138Cécilia on April 8, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    Yayyy me!
    My nose feels all stuffy and my head was achy, I felt anger when I woke up this morning with this icky feeling because E gave me his cold after saying he felt better. Silly E. but he texted me goodmorning with a heart, I could feel his love. He asked how I was and I told him about my stuffy nose and sore throat, without blaming him, and he immediately apologized over and over again. That was nice. I felt loved. I like apologies.
    Apology accepted.
    5 cups of honey green tea and many hours later, I’m sitting in my cozy home glad for my sick day. I got back in touch with some old programs, and I’m feeling feminine-y 🙂 that’s what the “yaaayyy me!” was for… oohhh yes it feels refreshing to know I’m a goddess again 🙂
    I’m still waiting for some chicken soup, or a sick visit, or something sweet from E. but in the meantime, I’ll do sweet things for myself. I deserve that.

  139.  #139Julie on April 11, 2014 at 4:31 am

    Hello there
    I am struggling as keep getting that jittery feeling again. Please help.
    My boyfriend and I are in our early/mid fifities and been dating for 3 years now decided to sell our homes and buy one together. Problem is he wants me to go first so I am feeling vulnerable about putting my house up for sale when he is not wanting to do it until I get a serious offer.
    His reason is due the the fact we live 16 miles apart and he does not want to stay at mine if his is sold first until waiting for my house sale to go through. He lives in a Town house that is in a v popular sort after area so feels his will sell fast. My lovely little cottage is rather unique and in a quieter location and may take longer to sell. He also starts work very early and would have to get up even earlier to travel in. So I guess it will mean if I stay at his for a while will have to do the traveling to work near where I live now. I have had my house valued and measured up and getting it ready for the photos. He has not yet had his valued but is doing bits and pieces and emptying his attic out etc in advance of putting it on the market. I have asked him when he will get it valued and he said ” Theres no rush…yours could take a while to sell”.
    I have expresssed my feelings but he says its a really big step for him to sell up ” bigger than I realize” and not wanted to do it with anyone else during the 18 years he has been divorced and living alone. He has had several long relationships since his ex wife. His ex girlfriend of 5 yrs wanted to live with him but he didnt with her.
    He feels it is a really big hurdle that is daunting and needs some encouragement he has said he wants to do it but his main reason is because he does not want to loose me. He is aware that I want more than just being just a girlfriend who he sees 3 nights a week!
    I did say a couple of weeks ago..OK suppose we stay as we are..but we may go off the boil. He said no he does not want that! He has told his family and friends and now its out there he doesnt not want to do it and again has a fear of loosing me.He has promised he will not give back word once my house is sold but put his on the market as soon as I get a serious offer.
    Feel so very uncomfortable and edgy about this especially as recently when I have called him a couple of times his line is busy but he has denied being on the phone. Its got me down somewhat. His phone was ringing on vibrate too a couple of months ago and he denied that too and 5 minutes later when into the gents.
    Got that tummy churny feeling again.



  140.  #140Luzydel on April 12, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Feeling so teary and nostalgic again. I cuteCD disappeared and this time I was being sireny, peaceful, and open. I didn’t do anything to scare him away. So I guess I still have the pattern of choosing the same type of men. I will call it the “Magician Attraction Syndrome” (MAS syndrome) I feel attraction to men who will eventually do the disappearing act even when I do not sleep with them or act desperate or do anything to scare them away… Or men now days just don’t respect women… I do not want to go out there again and meet someone else…It will be all the same… I want to feel good, that’s all.

  141.  #141Femininewoman on April 12, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    Julie don’t ignore your feelings

  142.  #142Indigo on April 13, 2014 at 4:24 am


    I just wanted to comment if that’s ok with you… what jumped out at me when reading your post # 140 is that you’re focused on the men, and what they’re doing, and why they’re doing it. It doesn’t really matter.

    What matters is their energy coming towards you, and whether that feels good. That is all. Why concern yourself with men who disappear. Why waste a moment of your precious time trying to figure them out.

    If it were me, I would practice re-directing my focus to the present moment, to the things and people that are here now.

  143.  #143Julie on April 14, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman….
    I think you are referring to the phone calls? Or the jittery feelings in general? Feeling vulnerable