The Universe According To Tom Robbins – How Is It For You?

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One of my favorite books of all time is Tom Robbins” “Still Life With Watercolor” – and I just found this piece by him in a box with memories from some of the seminars I attended over the years:

From Tom Robbins:

“If you need to visualize the soul, think of it as a cross between a wolf howl, a photon, and a dribble of dark molasses.But what it really is, as near as I can tell, is a packet of information. It’s a program, a piece of hyper spatial software designed explicitly to interface with the Mystery.  Not a mystery, mind you, the Mystery. The one that can never be solved.

To one degree or another, everybody is connected to the Mystery, and everybody secretly yearns to expand the connection. That requires expanding the soul. These things can enlarge the soul: laughter, danger, imagination, meditation, wild nature, passion, compassion, psychedelics, beauty, iconoclasm, and driving around in the rain with the top down. These things can diminish it: fear, bitterness, blandness, trendiness, egotism, violence, corruption, ignorance, grasping, and eating ketchup on cottage cheese.

Data in our psychic program is often nonlinear, nonhierarchal, archaic, alive and teeming with paradox. Simply booting up is a challenge, if not for no other reason than that most of us find acknowledging the unknowable and monitoring its intrusions upon the familiar and mundane more than a little embarrassing.

But you say you’ve inflated your soul to the size of a beach ball and it’s soaking into the Mystery like wine into a mattress. What have you accomplished? Well, long term, you may have prepared yourself for a successful metamorphosis, an almost inconceivable transformation to be precipitated by your death or some great worldwide eschatological whoopjamboreehoo you may have. No one can say for sure.

More immediately, by waxing soulful you will have granted yourself the possibility of ecstatic participation in what the ancients considered a divinely animated universe. And on a day to day basis, folks, it doesn’t get any better than that.”

Tom Robbins 1993

Note From Me:

This may not be your view of the universe, and yet – it’s so fanciful and so full of metaphors and exhuberance!

And my favorite part is about what expands and what diminishes our souls…and I ask – is that even possible?

Is our “soul” up for expansion?  Or is it already limitless?

Is it perhaps that these things he mentions, and others, can enlarge our experience?

And, if so – how can that work for you?

Love, Rori




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  1.  #1April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 7:22 am

    I have been enlarging my soul through danger and laughter…

  2.  #2April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Yes, I mean my experience. I have been *revealing* my soul through exploring relationships with dangerous people.

    I do have the organic sensation of something being stretched inside me.

  3.  #3April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 7:34 am

    I feel terror. I feel my mind grasping onto to the darkest aspect of danger.

    I fear that a man I’ve been seeing could become terribly vengeful if he feels rejected.

    The thing I have enjoyed most about his company is his intensity and his ‘edge’.
    And yet he has a huge kindness too.

    This is the type I am drawn to. Murderous softies.

  4.  #4Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 7:34 am


    Wow, deep stuff. That man is obviously highly intelligent! Sure is a lot to think about in a few mouthfuls!

  5.  #5Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Butterfly Wings,

    RE: #1231 – “D (dude I have no interest in whatsoever) just messaged me “Goodnight sweetheart! xxxxxxxxxxx”.

    He has no idea how much I needed that. 🙁 ”

    What’s going on? Are you having a rough night?

  6.  #6Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Read two or three posts above that Brenda.

    Going to try to sleep now. Xxx

  7.  #7April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 7:46 am

    There is something I have noticed since working with Rori and her Tools, and shifting myself in and out of feminine energy, and it is this.

    When I’m in feminine energy I am being, feeling and experiencing.

    When I’m in masculine energy I’m trying to control, analyzing and worrying.

  8.  #8Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 7:47 am

    (((Butterfly Wings))),

    RE: #1228 – I just read what happened. I’m so sorry! Your heart has been being jerked around quite a bit too, lately. 🙁

    Would it have been different if he had said a few nights ago, “Hey, Butterfly Wings, I’m going out with a few of my friends. Just so you know, we invited a young woman to try to play matchmaker with another man!”?

    Or would it have been different if he had simply invited you, while saying the same?

    Where is the line for you?

    Hugs to your hurting heart, Brenda

  9.  #9Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 7:55 am

    This post feels deeep. almost too deep for my current limited understanding…

    @April Rose 7 – thanks for sharing this, really helpful…

  10.  #10LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Rori, I’ve just begun to really embrace my soul having understanding of my feminine energy. I will have to meditate on this concept more. I guess that is expansion in and of itself!

  11.  #11LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 7:59 am

    It’s Tenny Everyone. I changed my name!

  12.  #12LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 7:59 am

    (((((April Rose)))))

    Please be careful

  13.  #13April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Thanks, LoveAlways

    I’m asking myself ‘Why must I play on the edge?’

    I don’t want to end up chopped into little pieces and buried in some man’s back garden.

    I wonder what it says about me, and what I need to heal/reveal…

  14.  #14Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 8:10 am

    #1228 Butterfly Wings

    {{{{ HUGS }}}}

    I’m so sorry to hear this about you and TH – I know this must be so hard for you. 🙁

  15.  #15Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Tenny/LoveAlways – nice name change. 😀

  16.  #16Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 8:13 am

    #13 April Rose

    Are you in some kind of danger? Are you with a violent man? If so please leave as quickly as you can, it’s a horrible life to live.

  17.  #17Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 8:18 am


    RE: #2 – Scary! And equally scary, I relate. That was part of the draw to the men in prison who I “dated”. And with Ryan, because he feels dangerous too.

    I identify this as toxic behavior in myself, which I am making a supreme effort to heal. What do you think about it in yourself?

  18.  #18Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 8:19 am


    I like your new name!

  19.  #19Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Tarzan said it’s time for us to get going on our house rearranging project. I’ll check in for breaks.

  20.  #20LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 8:20 am

    April Rose
    I wonder if you feel you are meeting one of your needs with this type of excitement?

  21.  #21LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Hi Brenda!

    Thank you, I am re-balancing and my new name represents loving myself first always

  22.  #22LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Hi Silver Moonbeam

    I needed the name change 🙂

  23.  #23lk on February 27, 2012 at 8:30 am

    yay! i just read jitterbug perfume this summer after 1 of my CDs gave it to me & it made me laughcry : )))

  24.  #24Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 8:32 am

    #20 LoveAlways

    Tony Robbins talks about this in some of his interventions, about the dark side and we all have the bad boy & girl inside of us.

  25.  #25Sarah on February 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Dear Rori and other girls, I’d appreciate if you helped me at this…. He swears he loves me he would do things for me, calls and texts me like constantly. I have two problems-his ex and his jelouesy . He says he doesnt care about her and he even hasent seen her in 6 years and never even had a proper relationship. And she is in a different country, shes not pretty and really needy i really think something isnt ok with her head she would send him emails and stuff and whilst he says he doesnt care and has said her a thousand times to leave him alone but he replies to her emails like oh so you are ending this up this easily so you want to be with that someone else, you broke my heart and stuff. Its weird! Then he would cry on my shoulders that he fears I will leave him, will get jealouse at every man who leaves a comment on my facebook picture. I know I might have been too distant and bitchy. Last night we had an argument and he said he will never ever let her contact him again, but i dont believe this too much. I feel like I’m the bitch and his ex the nice girl, and every time I upset him (he thinks hes unimportant for me and I dont even have feelings for him, the time I said I just want to rest and not to see him for a week or so he thought Im going to leave and was so afraid that he even went to see a psychologist) he runs to his little nice girl so to calm him down. What should I do?

  26.  #26Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 8:40 am

    BW I wonder what triggered this discussion and the decisions that were made?

    The way I see it you have been selling yourself short by allowing him to basically live with you. You have what seems to be expectations that a wife might have without being in the kind of committed relationship that you want or even he wants. It is my opinion that you risk so much more when you live with a man. Rori talks about it in Reconnect and from what I understand discourages women from living with men.

    In my humble opinion this arrangement will free you up to cdate, until both of you know exactly what you want from this relationship. It will also minimize the pressure that you have been putting on him to be with you every night and act like an official couple. It gives him the opportunity to feel if he cherishes his freedom and time with his friends more than he wants to be in a committed relationship where his time with his friends are limited.

    If he “loses” you to someone who is committed to giving you what you want and who wants to be there with you I see this as a win/win scenario.

  27.  #27LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Can you experience a heart connection with a man during intimacy? Is that still reaching his heart even though you are being physical. CD Song and I had a connection where he expressed his feelings in such a way I was speechless and touched. I felt it was a heart connection – am I off course here?

  28.  #28Starla on February 27, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Ahh! Rori! It’s “Still Life with WOODPECKER”


    Tom Robbins changed my life as a thinker and feeler. I’ve read both “Another Roadside Attraction” and “Even Cowgirls Get The Blues.” He artfully constructs a completely new paradigm of what is “normal,” and slowly eases you into it in such a way that has made you question all your safe notions of what is right and wrong and black and white… it’s subversive and will have you feeling like it was your own choice to accept the new paradigms he creates around love, life, beauty, sex, abundance, and possession.

    We can also artfully construct new paradigms for ourselves. The important thing is that we arrive to the New Way of thinking and experiencing of our own full desire, if not just so we can find out what happens next to the protagonists.

    Love Tom Robbins <3

  29.  #29lk on February 27, 2012 at 8:48 am


    i had a dream about you just before i woke up. i was moving toward the kitchen & you & someone else were at the table & you lifted your eyebrows like, ” I feel surprised, but you won’t believe how really amazing & good it is ” but a little tired-looking too….

  30.  #30lk on February 27, 2012 at 8:49 am

    oh, there you are : ) lol

  31.  #31Starla on February 27, 2012 at 8:49 am

    lk, thank you for your comments in the last thread. i feel so supported and accepted and encouraged to do the same for myself, mucho thanks

  32.  #32Starla on February 27, 2012 at 8:51 am

    lk i love showing up in other people’s dreams. I wonder what I looked like hehehehe

  33.  #33lk on February 27, 2012 at 8:59 am

    lol, sorry for spamming at you… i just felt like for a week or so i was being a hormonal lunatic… & i was afraid that might happen to you ? like projecting… & so i was all, JUST DON’T TALK & TAKE A MIDOL lol like a middle school boy… anyway, yes, sweetness on you : )

    hope all the ladies have a lovely day : )

    wish me luck, as i have many tasks ahead of me

    however, i bought a beautiful journal yesterday that is still empty, & i’m going to have an easy day & a slow evening : ))) yum

  34.  #34Starla on February 27, 2012 at 8:59 am

    The universe sent me a BUNCH of extra money in the form of a miscalculated refund from a corporation, but I decided to let them know they goofed up and overrefunded me. I think the message here is that money can flow to me in various ways when i am open to receiving it, which i have been. But I don’t have to KEEP the money. It belongs to them, and someone could get fired over the mistake, too. So I let them know I owe THEM some money now.

    One time not too long ago, I was in the same mindset, low on money and feeling open to it, and I found some money in the change/bill tray in the self checkout scanner line at the grocery store. I gave it to the clerk manager, thinking as much as I could use the money, if the person who forgot it could use it as much as I could, they would call the store and see if anyone was kind enough to turn in their forgotten cash.

  35.  #35lk on February 27, 2012 at 9:01 am

    awww you were cute ! you looked precious & had a blondish curly ponytail & you were wearing a lime green sweater i think & you were sitting up all perky, like a little doll ! it was really cute.

    i wish i could remember who else was with us…. i felt it was important at the time….

  36.  #36Healing Waterfall on February 27, 2012 at 9:05 am


    I would like to change my name to Healing Waterfall.

    Thanks Rori

    Hey everybody, I am now envisioning myself as a healing waterfall. This is Liz.

  37.  #37Francesca on February 27, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Brenda re 1226 (previous blog)

    Yes, you got it.

    I do feel vulnerable coming here.

    I’ve been on a few other blogs/forums before and I always feel the same way about them.

    I’m afraid of judgement and being seen as not relevant.

    Yet, I know I can help others with my own experiences.

    I need to find the strength and confidence to do that.

  38.  #38Starla on February 27, 2012 at 9:14 am

    oooh francesca this would be the perfect place to work through that pattern of feelings, then

    and minimize the impact this pattern of feeling and fear is having in your real-life relationships

  39.  #39Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 9:16 am

    before I post it: would you sirens mind telling me if this text convo was too lean-forwardish?

  40.  #40Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 9:22 am

    @1225: Brenda

    There was no all-night whispering. I think Sweetie was snoring.. oops, maybe that was me.

    Your room rearrangement sounds fun. Maybe you could make a reading nook for Tarzan in the little back bedroom.

  41.  #41Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Do you know another attracting quality of abundance?

    Attracting Quality: Giving and receiving freely Repelling Quality: Not giving or being open to receive

    What can you give to yourself today? A compliment, time for yourself, a special gift?

    What could you allow yourself to receive from yourself and others?

    The flow of the Universe is based on giving AND receiving. Enjoy the flow!

    Happy Monday,

    Christy Whitman

  42.  #42Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Iamabutterfly – I dont understand 37.

  43.  #43Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 9:28 am

    “The Blame Game.”

    What’s “The Blame Game”?

    Well, it’s what happens when you externalize everything that happens in your love life.

    It sounds something like…

    – “I probably wouldn’t be single if it weren’t for this damn town. Seriously, there are no men here. I’m not even exaggerating. There are none.”

    – “Oh my gosh. Everyone on is a freak, unattractive, or just looking to hook up. I signed up because my cousin found her husband on here, but it’s JUST my luck that I get all the freak shows. I really can’t catch a break.”

    – “I am totally screwed up. It’s my ex. He cheated on me, and I went into debt paying all our bills because he was completely irresponsible. Because of him, I can’t trust anyone.”

    – “I live in L.A. Everyone here is gorgeous: long legs, blonde hair, big boobs. I’m not any of those things AND I’m in my forties. Of course I’m single!”

    Do any of these sound familiar to you?

    It’s okay…I’ve been there too.

    That’s why I know the secrets I know, and I’m sharing some BIG ones in today’s video.

    I’m going to teach you how to move past “The Blame Game” for good so that the crap that happened to you in the past doesn’t affect you anymore.

    It may sound impossible, and I know you’re thinking your past is just too painful to overcome, but I’m asking you to have a little faith.

    And besides, this video is free.

    You quite literally have nothing to lose.

    It’s going to feel amazing, I promise you.

    Here’s to you, loving your love life.


  44.  #44Starbright on February 27, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Script help needed

    I made it to the oscars singles meetup last night. I knew there were going to be many more women than men. However, I did meet a guy that I found somewhat attractive right after arriving who asked me to join him in one of the three tv rooms once I got some food. There was one spot next to him on a sink in couch! lol

    I notice how open or not I am with my body especially since Rori. I wanted to be open yet felt a little uncomfortable when his leg and butt were touching me while he was talking to a woman behind us. I left right when the last filmmakers were receiving there awards and said my goodbyes to all new people.

    New guy emailed me thru meetup within the hour about how much he enjoyed meeting me and giving me his email if I would like to chat.

    I am not sure if I like him. But he seems nice and I think I would like to have him for a cd at least…? I could use some help here. What would be a good way to reply?


  45.  #45Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

    I feel open to talk on the phone, my number is ………..I feel bored with back and forth emails.

    Or whatever you prefer

  46.  #46Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Starbright for me I am not looking for an email buddy or texting buddy so as much as possible I put it out there early on because I have found that a relationship can stay stuck at anyone of the email/text/phone stage. I want a man in my life so I try to move it to the phone connection as fast as possible and then into real life. If after we meet and he does not keep the lines open then I just lean back. I have some in my life now that I hear from once a month.

  47.  #47Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 9:42 am

    @40 Feminine Woman – sorry about that, I was just seeing if anyone would mind reading over a text and seeing what they thought of it…

  48.  #48April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 9:44 am


    There is some part of me loving to play a dangerous game.
    I feel it as an intensity/dangerous edge in myself and I just love the feeling of having it matched by a man.

  49.  #49Siren Angel on February 27, 2012 at 9:44 am

    RORI’S MIRROR PROP (from previous thread comments)
    Modern Siren, Disc 5 section 4
    Says to carry a compact mirror to remind ourselves of who we really are when our vision of ourself gets distorted. Also it is a ‘reflection’ but it ‘reversed’ and it’s shiny, smooth and a sireny prop.

  50.  #50Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 9:45 am

    “How Long Should You Stay With A Boyfriend Who Does Not Believe In Marriage?”

  51.  #51Starbright on February 27, 2012 at 9:46 am


    Thanks! I agree that I do not want an email or txt buddy! I like your short and simple reply! Also, it feels great to have you reply to me so quickly! 🙂

  52.  #52April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I’m not with a violent man.
    I’ve been dating a man who lives in a cottage in the woods. He likes to play with guns and knives, and he likes to be secretive about himself and he likes to fix me with his penetrating thrilling stare.
    His intelligence is awesome.
    He turns me on like no other.

    Yes, I know. Big red flag!

  53.  #53April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 9:54 am

    “RE: #2 – Scary! And equally scary, I relate. That was part of the draw to the men in prison who I “dated”. And with Ryan, because he feels dangerous too.

    I identify this as toxic behavior in myself, which I am making a supreme effort to heal. What do you think about it in yourself?”

    I love my intensity. And the feeling of being matched by the same intensity in a man.
    Am I misplacing my passion here?
    Can I re-fuel my own intensity/passion/edge into myself somehow?
    I don’t know that I want to judge it as toxic behaviour.
    Rather it is raw energy, possibly misdirected.
    Let’s be gentle on ourselves over this, and let our fears be eased….

  54.  #54Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Less than three days left in 2011. Kinda scary, kinda exciting, kinda scary…

  55.  #55Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Aprill Rose that feels scary. It could be your boy energy that is drawn to the adventurous side of life and have you intrigued. I believe it is the girl energy that is drawn to unravelling mystery. I am thinking the fairy tale where the girl went into the room and got pricked by the spindle (Sleeping Beauty was it?).

    I don’t like how that scenario sounds though with the seclusion in the woods and the guns etc. I also do not like the penetrating stare. I have experienced it in real life and it felt to me like it was coming from the person’s dark side.

  56.  #56Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Scary in a good way. Not fearful. Anticipation like a roller coaster ride.


  57.  #57April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Yes. It feels like it is coming from his dark side.
    That is a thrill.
    I know I deny my own dark side, and see it alive in others.

  58.  #58April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Are you on a different calendar to me?
    I thought we were in 2012 already?!

  59.  #59Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 10:10 am


    RE: #35 – I hear you! Daria has been a big role model of bravery to me. You can go thru any thread, and she just writes and writes! I see so much growth and healing in her from two years ago!

    Give it a risk! I have found the risk to be worthwhile!

  60.  #60Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Here’s a text conversation that I feel nervous was a little too lean-forwardy of me:

    Me: Hey CD, are you going to be going to the thing over at So-and-so’s tonight?

    Him: I’m out of town and i actually didn’t know about it or what time it starts. do you want me to text so-and-so and ask?

    Me: actually that would be great, since I don’t have so-and-so’s number. Why are you doing out of town?

    Him: visiting grandparents. I’m waiting for a reply from so and so…are you sure something is going on over there tonight?

    Me: Yeah, I’m pretty sure they moved it to tonight this week. aww…is that the grandparent you talk to on the phone? I’ll miss seeing you. when do you get back?

    ( ^ I feel concerned that that was a little too masculine energy or something…)

    Him: Yes it is. I plan to get back Monday night. the thing is at 8 at so-and so’s by the way.

    Me: Sweet. Thank you! see you when you get back…?

    (^ I feel like this was a little too presumptious and might’ve made him feel uncomfortable. I just felt curious when I was texting it…)

    Him: Okie dokie.

    **end of text convo**

    I was just curious, Sirens, did any of this feel too lean-forwardy? Most specifically, the parts I wrote about in parenthesis?

    I was the one who started texting him…

  61.  #61Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 10:13 am


    LOL! 😆 I love your sense of humor!

    No, Tarzan is going to have a reading nook right next to my computer so we can gaze, kiss and touch!

  62.  #62lk on February 27, 2012 at 10:18 am

    cacao nibs & vegan marshmallows with pecans : )

  63.  #63Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 10:19 am

    FW and SA,

    My college had mirrors everywhere! All through the Learning Resources Center, including a hall of mirrors that was really fun to walk thru! There were also many mirrors in many other buildings, too, especially the aerobics center!

    There is a lot to be said for the psychology of self-feedback, or whatever it is called. I heard recently it is the same idea behind the flashing speed signs that simply tell you your current speed, next to the posted speed. Feedback like that will slow down a driver as good, if not better, than seeing a police car.

  64.  #64LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 10:23 am

    April Rose
    # 46

    I used to experience that need for intensity from a man. I felt I needed to edge to keep me from being bored, to feel engaged and connected with him (his being genuinely engaged) almost like a hunt (me being prey).

    It’s hard, but there is an underlying need there that can be met in a safe way other than dealing with these kinds of men.

    For me, it was actually total vulnerability (sexually/romantically). It was not easy because I had to communicate it, but it led me to see that I really needed to feel safe with the guy.

    And in actuality, it turns out I needed a more sensitive, caring and communicating person rather than the bad boys I was dealing with in the past.

    It did take some effort to really do some self searching and realization before I realized what would satisfy the urge/desire.

    Had many scary situation before that though, again, please be very careful.

  65.  #65lk on February 27, 2012 at 10:23 am


    yes, that sounds very lean-forward to me. you ask all the questions & you started the conversation, so it’s impossible for you to tell if he wanted to talk to you, or if he enjoyed talking to you, or if he wants to see you when he gets back.

  66.  #66T-Girl on February 27, 2012 at 10:24 am

    50 April Rose, that sent shivers down my spine and was very scary to read. How long have you been seeing him?

  67.  #67LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 10:28 am


    Ya know, sometimes that boy energy feels the need to accomplish or attain something, and just leans in there 🙂

    It was not too bad. But I hope you did accomplish something you wanted/needed. Even thought it may have been leaning, I liked the reference to the grandparents.

    I’d lean back after this though. Let him contact you on his return, etc. and be extra siren-y!!

  68.  #68LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 10:30 am



    I feel curious about your 2011 reference too

  69.  #69Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 10:34 am

    @63 lk and @65 LoveAlways – that’s what I suspected. Leaning waaaay back now. Not beating myself up, though. Thanks so much for your feedback! 🙂

  70.  #70lk on February 27, 2012 at 10:40 am


    practice makes… a lifetime of practice : ) lol

  71.  #71April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I’ve been seeing the Man from the Woods (EM) about three months now.
    I started dating because I felt neglected by the man I live with (WM).
    I told WM I had enjoyed a cuddle with EM.
    WM said he felt insulted. He said that he considered himself in a relationship with me and had committed himself to me.
    I said how sad I felt with there being no romance in the relationship.
    He said “oh, so you go looking for it elsewhere and build a relationship elsewhere. That’s worse than a drunken one-night stand”.

    We have done so much communicating and opening up to each other in the last few days over this.
    I said I’d never been asked for a commitment from him, and didn’t know what kind of relationship I was being offered when we moved in together. He laughed in disbelief. We’ve been living together for three years. He said he thought it was obvious. He said how he has been working for us, to make our life better. How everything he does is for our relationship.

    It felt so good to hear him open up.

  72.  #72Megan on February 27, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Is it possible to email Rori directly?
    the situation I was describing with FW needs to be put into context and I do not feel comfortable sharing the emails on here.
    I so don’t want to mess this up and feel even more grief than I already do.

  73.  #73Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 10:41 am

    @68 lk – hahaha, SO TRUE.

  74.  #74Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Iamabutterfly it did feel leaning forwardy. I would work on when I feel the need to ask “why”. Alternatively, maybe saying “I feel curious” before you ask those kinds of questions might help or when you catch yourself let him know that he does not have to feel obligated to respond.

    Also you could choose to to say something like “that must feel (relaxing………. to be out of town”. Hopefully he will respond with the details without you having to ask him directly.

  75.  #75April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 10:45 am


    Thanks for 62

    I too need a “sensitive, caring and communicating person” and have realised, before it was too late, that I already have that person right in front of me.

    Now I’m looking for other ways to engage my edge, rather than playing with dangerous guys.

  76.  #76April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 10:57 am


    I’m not sure if it’s my own mind ramping up the fear factor.
    I have felt frightened of masculine men before.
    It happens when I’m operating from masculine energy and I realise I am out-manned and cannot control the person or the situation.

  77.  #77Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 10:59 am

    @72 Feminine Woman – great tips. Thank you! 🙂

  78.  #78April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 11:02 am


    I think you did some good stuff too, like saying thank you and letting him have the last word.

  79.  #79lk on February 27, 2012 at 11:06 am

    i love the llama misunderstanding. it cracks me up.

  80.  #80April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 11:07 am

    oh. it’s ‘I am a buttefly’, isn’t it?


    I feel embarassed!!!

  81.  #81Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 11:08 am

    I passed on the official million dollar thingy as yesterday was last day and I just could not psych myself up to travel on a Sunday over to the east side at the last minute. I then planned to make NOT a part of … whatever… a good thing since discovered it’s not a lottery and who wants a panel of judges and being under a commercial microsope? No, no, no… that does not sound like fun.

    …but Now, I see it’s back on TV and I assume it must be a MISTAKE. Should I go or should I stay? Hmmm,
    maybe having an OFFICIAL WEIGH-IN will be useful in any case…

    Darn, this is a big nudge from circumstance.


  82.  #82LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 11:08 am

    I think I’m going to have to start a journal. Sometimes I feel judged when I tell my close friends about my CDs. I’m not feeling safe anymore discussing things in detail. Especially since things are really getting emotional and steamy. I feel safe blogging here, but I’m sure I’d end up in moderation with journal entries of what’s been going on lately. I need to share this stuff so I don’t go nuts. Does anyone else have this kind of feeling about telling close friends about CDing?

  83.  #83April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 11:09 am

    And what is ‘lk’ about?
    Is that a name or initials or what?

  84.  #84lk on February 27, 2012 at 11:12 am

    @april rose

    it’s my initials – shh! lol : )))

  85.  #85Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 11:13 am

    In Reconnect Rori discourages women from talking about your men with your girlfriends. She says look for women who are in successful relationships and connect with them instead. Most of our girlfriends are struggling in their own relationships anyway.

  86.  #86April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I wouldn’t want my friends jumping to conclusions and making judgements (that I don’t like), so I don’t share much of my personal life with them. I find advice from the ladies here more neutral and helpful. We’re on the same path, with a similar agenda.
    But then again, friends care deeply in another way.

  87.  #87Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 11:15 am

    @76, 78 – thanks April Rose! and don’t worry, pretty much EVERYONE thought I was a llama, until I clarified it a while back…

    @77 lk – me too! I love how giggly it makes me feel! 🙂

  88.  #88April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 11:16 am

    okay lk, I’ll keep it quiet. Ssshh… does it stand for Lucy Koosy?

  89.  #89April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 11:17 am

    …or lily kipper?…

  90.  #90Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 11:18 am

    @58: Iamabutterfly says:
    “…I was just curious, Sirens, did any of this feel too lean-forwardy? Most specifically, the parts I wrote about in parenthesis? …”

    Yep, IMHO all of it was lean-forwardy. I won’t say if it was “TOO lean-forwardy.” You decide that. Is this your normal authentic self?


  91.  #91Radiant Rising on February 27, 2012 at 11:19 am

    @FW #41 – “The Blame Game”

    Thank you so much for sharing that! It really resonated and solidified being on a healthy path. 🙂

    @Silver Moonbeam – Thank you so much for sharing the Dr. Oz quote on the other thread about Energy medicine. It was so helpful for the path that I am on! I am studying to be an energy healer and this has changed my life profoundly. I am getting certified in Reiki and DNA Theta Healing and also learning to awaken my Kundalini with my teacher. I never thought just three months ago how much clearing and facing I would be doing. Not just me, but my ENTIRE FAMILY has been involved. My brothers and sister thnked me last week for introducing them to Theta Healing. I had a profound Theta session with my teacher on Friday and it was surrounding my fears as a future healer/practitioner. Am I good enough, do I have what it takes, am I worthy enough to charge the going rate…I am so grateful I found my teacher. I am grateful for moving back home. Last but not least, I am SO GRATEFUL to my family and true friends whom I have been re-connecting with for being so supportive of me on this path. I never would have dreamed that I would be creating the bones for a future center of healing of my ery own, but it is slowly coming to life.

    I did not realize how much of a mess my life really was! We hold fears on very deep levels and changing our thought patterns consciously is the begining towards change and healing, but going down deep into our subconscious and energy systems is not something many of us know how to do and we do not realize how much it impacts us not just in our lives, but in our physicality as well. I am grateful that I am on this path and I can bring use it as a service for others. What greater purpose in life than to make the world around us better simply by having the ability to be who we are. I feel so grateful.

  92.  #92April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 11:20 am


    I’ve done it again! It’s an ‘i’ not an ‘L’ isn’t it?

  93.  #93Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

    @ 88 Senior Lady Vibe – Oops! I don’t know what “IMHO” stands for…?

    and as far as it being my authentic self – no. actually, my married friend encouraged me to do it, because of my recent “run-away” type behavior…

    My authentic self probably wouldn’t have contacted him at all. Should I have listened to my authentic self instead? Hmm….

    Oh well. It’s too late now. He is just a man. I am a Siren and I am the prize!!!

  94.  #94Wants To Be Hopeful on February 27, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Interesting weekend with the hubby.

    On Friday night he said, I went bizerk last Sunday. I don’t even feel safe in my own house anymore. Then I said, it feels like we are both in pain. They he did not want to talk about it anymore.

    He did freak out on me last weekend with all the anger about the bathtub leaking and ruining the ceiling below it. So, it was somewhat comforting to hear that he at least knew his anger was out of control.

    But I felt bad for him. Then while trying to sleep I wondered if he might seek help. But then dismissed that thought.

    Then I tried to be cheerful all weekend, though I can feel his anger and distance, and it hurts. I feel like moving out for a weekend but it seems like that would put the nail in the coffin of the marriage. So I think I am going to try to schedule some weekends out of the house, visiting family or friends instead.

    I really tried to be cheerful all weekend, but I get cabin fever when we sit in separate corners of the house on Sunday and don’t interact. I wish I had gone somewhere, but I stayed home because after last weekend, he wanted there to be less drama weekends (that means I cannot have sad or negative feelings or shed tears). So I stayed home, trying to be there, and not run away from the situation.

    But that was a huge mistake. I thanked him for a few things we did that day, but he did not even respond to the thank yous. That hurt.

    Then last night I woke up at 3 am, and could not fall back to sleep. He asked me what was wrong, and I should have said “nothing” or “just having a hard time falling back to sleep” but instead I talked a few sentences, feeling bad for him and saying I wanted to get out of the house a little more.

    Then he said. Stop worrying about us. I inquired about what he meant. And he said “the problem will eventually resolve itself.”

    Weird. I am doing way too much thinking and he does not want to even think about it.

    I am going to plan more things out side of the house with friends. And if he asks me again what is wrong, I will just say something meaningless.

    I feel like every time I talk, I say the wrong thing. I am angry that I feel like I can’t even trust myself anymore. I feel so much pain. This is so hard.

    Hopefully I will not get a dose of blame and anger tonight. I think I need to start setting my boundaries around him blaming and expressing anger. It is just make me feel more hopeless.

  95.  #95Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 11:24 am

    @59: Brenda says:
    “…No, Tarzan is going to have a reading nook right next to my computer so we can gaze, kiss and touch!…”

    That’s cool but Sweetie and I both like our alone time. Sometimes we are in same room but I’m on computer and he’s reading or watching TV. Sometimes it goes into kitchen and makes a healthy snack for both of us.

  96.  #96Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 11:27 am

    My new profile!

    Mermaid in the Making!

    I love learning! My mind is a sponge of excitement over soaking in knowledge about psychology, inner healing, relationships, dog training, early America, travel, geography, and foreign cultures, and my thirst for learning and growing never ends! It feels so fun and thrilling to me!

    I also feel so good moving around outside…hiking, jumping in rivers, or soaking in moonlight feels amazing out here! I also love dancing, biking and jumping on a trampoline. I live near XXXXX, 2 blocks from the bay! I just moved here last November. I feel fascinated by water! I must have been a mermaid in another lifetime! I feel so alive and unified with nature when I jet ski, motor boat, and swim! I love the caress of water, like a tender lover, against my hair, face, hands, feet, arms, and legs!

    My career is as a pharmaceutical document editor and technical writer, but my passion is to help people. My calling is yet to be fully defined, but I feel most fulfilled when I am actively listening to a young woman and giving her feedback to prepare for a happy life with healthy confidence. Or playing with children, feeling amazed and tickled by their innocent words and actions. I am loyal and compassionate. I really like who I am, and who I am constantly becoming.

    I feel a deep passion for relationships, particularly romantic relationships. I’m a walking contradiction: I feel rebellious at times – yet I feel terrific playing defense on a team! I feel alive with outdoor exercise – yet I feel deep and calm during quiet nights cuddling, reading, and watching romantic movies. I feel far stronger in my emotional backbone than the average woman. I feel tuff enuff to survive anything – yet I feel so deeply that I can cry at the thought of a dog in a shelter. I value dogs and cats, nature, writing, and soft rock. I’m a young-looking 48, 5’8″, extra buttery, intelligent, and sensitive.

    It would feel great to meet a man with whom I feel secure and can feel safe to open my heart to, who is my height or taller, any race, from 30-55…someone with whom I feel comfy enjoying love and stimulating conversation. I look forward to hearing from you soon!

  97.  #97LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 11:29 am

    April Rose

    Yes, it’s a bit steamy for the blog though – but I know my friends are getting tired of hearing my dilemma and keep saying you need to pick one guy . . . Don’t think Rori would appreciate details splayed all over her blog LOL!

  98.  #98Heather on February 27, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Ditto LAMAbutterfly 🙂 heehee

    Question…FW and a few other ladies helped me about two months ago with a “closure” issue…can I now pose this question?
    -Say a man and I had been together once, ended it due to different desires, then six months later tried “round two” with more communication, understanding and awareness. Well…after five months and him stating he wasn’t feeling any drive to commit (yet when we decided we’d try round two he said he was open to “seeing what happens”).
    He asked what was on my mind after being intimate and I made the mistake of asking him “where he’s at with us” He told me I need to guard who I give my emotions to more closely, we talked for an hour, got dressed and watched some TV. When I was leaving he said “I hope you don’t hate me” I told him I loved him and he said he loved me. Later, after not hearing from him for two weeks he says he feels like we were “caught up in the moment” and stated he didn’t mean what he said, that there’s no way he could of meant it. So he took it back.

    This was in late September… he texted me on Thankgiving, I texted him on Christmas and nothing since. I don’t want to let him go, I’ve tried leaning back and seeing what happens and…nothing….

    So…I’m trying NOT to use masculine energy and say I miss him, but I do, every day. Thoughts?

  99.  #99turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Hmmm… this article sounds kinda wierd to me… made me think of a computer…

    and my soul is not a photon and some molassas, my soul is radient light that twinkles and sparkes and peeks out through my eyes. My soul, is awe inspiring.

  100.  #100Starla on February 27, 2012 at 11:30 am

    FW, 83, I agree almost completely! I never talk badly about CF to my friends, and if I am talking to my best friend, I caveat it with love and understanding.

    I do tell my girl friends about CDing. They all find it odd, but after all this time of me doing it, they’re seeing how much I truly believe in what I’m doing, and they’re getting on board, slowly but surely.

  101.  #101Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 11:31 am

    @70: Megan says:
    “…Is it possible to email Rori directly?…”

    You could try:

  102.  #102lk on February 27, 2012 at 11:34 am

    LOL no, i’m L

    Lovely Kindred
    Living Kindly
    Lion King
    Lingering Kick
    Long Kiss
    Lady Knight
    Lurching Knobbles
    Lynx Kink
    Lost Kingdom
    Lonely Kid
    Livid Knocks

  103.  #103Radiant Rising on February 27, 2012 at 11:34 am

    #83 – FW I agree with Rori on that too. I had to cut out a lot of so called “friends” these past few months and it has been so good for me. Ironically it have been re-cnnecting with my old friends (like from high school!) including making new ones who are in successful relationships and have helathy outlooks on life and it has been heaven! Who your friends are really make a difference.

  104.  #104Siren Angel on February 27, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Feeling very ‘blah’…

    I used to get such amazing emails from M, then again he is more in my life now.

    I sent him a few emails last week from ‘faceinhole’ application to see what I would look like as a brunette… we had talked about my wanting to change my hair and joked about the ‘faceinhole’ app.

    I just got a dry response to the last 2 ones sent:

    I like this one the best, but you choose!

    No ‘I love you’ or ‘honey’… Not feeling inspired… at all.

  105.  #105Siren Angel on February 27, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Argh… I feel silly now… he stepped up in such a big way letting me see his kids again on sat… I know that was important to him.

    I just wish he would tell me he loves me and be sweet in his emails and texts.

  106.  #106Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 11:36 am

    ((((Wants to Be Hopeful)))) – I have never been married, so I have no idea what you’re going through, but I do know that Rori recommends that we, as Sirens, always speak our truth and seek to be authentic. It sounds like “trying to be cheerful all weekend” may not be helpful for either of you, since it isn’t what you were authentic.

    Do you have any of Rori’s programs? Though I don’t own it yet, Reconnect Your Relationship sounds like it might be the right one for you.

    Try using feeling messages with your husband.

    When he feels angry about the leaking bathtub, you could say something like; “I understand. You feel angry. I feel irritated about the bathtub too. Bummer…”

    This type of feeling message will show empathy and will make him feel safe sharing his frustrations as well as hopefully postive emotions later on, with you.

    When you woke up at 3am, there would have been nothing wrong with telling him EXACTLY how you felt. That is what brings men closer to you. You could have said “I feel sad or worried or disconnected” or whatever it was you were feeling in that moment, without placing any blame on him.

    Using AUTHENTIC feeling messages, rather than shutting down your own emotions, which is what most of us have been taught to do, will help bring your husband closer to you.

    Don’t shut down what you’re truly feeling, but don’t blame him for what you’re feeling, either.

    See what happens…

  107.  #107Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 11:41 am

    @91: Iamabutterfly says:
    “…I don’t know what “IMHO” stands for…? …”

    SLV: IMHO=In My Humble Opinion
    IMVHO=In My Very Humble Opinion
    (some days I’m more humble than other days… )

    “…Should I have listened to my authentic self instead? Hmm…Oh well. It’s too late now. ”

    SLV: I like to pay attention to my authentic self and then tweak to make my ME be my best me. … still working on that! I’m inspired by others and always checking out things and tweaking but make sure that what I do and say is ME.

    It’s not too late. Next time you hear from him (note “hear from him”) just pick up from there. Let him court you a little and talk normally back and forth. Let him “offer something.”

  108.  #108Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 11:44 am

    @96 Heather – ((((Heather)))) I honestly don’t know what happened with you and that one guy, but I would try to let it go if I were you.

    Feel whatever it is you’re feeling, grieve, and then make sure that you take care of YOU, CD yourself, and then when you feel ready, get out there and CD lots of other men.

    If you haven’t heard from him since December, it sounds like he has NO IDEA what an amazing siren you are! it is HIS loss, not YOURS!

    (((more hugs)))

  109.  #109Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 11:48 am

    @105 Senior Lady Vibe – thanks for the clarification. 🙂 and thanks for the advice! I don’t feel too worried about it. He’s just one cd of many…;)

  110.  #110lk on February 27, 2012 at 11:48 am

    @Wants to be Hopeful

    can you change your name back to Hopeful ? : ) that might help you to shift your vibe authentically… just as iamabutterfly is saying, it would be better than putting on a Front if you actually Felt Cheerful.

    i hear you saying you want to be out of the house. please follow your heart.

    if he says the problem will resolve itself, then maybe you can trust him to do his part & trust yourself to do your own part.

    go out & do things that make you happy. when he’s not happy & you are, it can feel Tense, but just trust that he is in charge of his own mental state & you are in charge of yours. feed your own health. if you walk into a room feeling like a ball of sunshine & you encounter doom & gloom, just think to yourself, “poor man, he doesn’t see how big my Sun is ! ” & smile softly & walk away.

    i know he loves you. & it’s amazing that he saw his anger & really reached out to talk about it.

    but you can be happy alone & you need to do that now. otherwise, Your Happiness is just one more thing on the list of his Burdens, you know ? take it off his list – consider that as being the big thing you can do for him & for the relationship – just giving yourself Good Days, regardless of what he’s Doing or Not Doing. (((wants to be hopeful)))

  111.  #111Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 11:52 am

    @108 lk – that felt soooooo wise! Great advice!

  112.  #112Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Oh no!

    “Sometimes it goes into …”

    I meant “Someimes HE goes into…

    Sweetie! I apologize. Oh, this does not bode well.

    Sweetie says it’s OK… but stop “objectifying” him. Oops…

  113.  #113lk on February 27, 2012 at 11:54 am

    ok. big things going on & just 1 more i think for today. what does everyone else think ? magic & mystery ? phenomenal. me too. see you there.

  114.  #114turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Posted earlier on the other post:

    Thanks Lizka!! Me too. But wow is it hard to have the radio on and NOT think about him. Too many songs remind me of him, or our past. Yikes! I love my music, but may need to turn it off for awhile. It’s hard to not think about him… when I’m being reminded!

    In other news, of course it’s a Monday, and I know this… because my furnace isn’t kicking on. Going to try it again, but may need to come home early today and have a repair man come to the house.

    Have a great day everyone!

    Hmmm… universe isn’t letting me not contact him. I couldn’t get the furnace to work, so called to let him know, and that I’d need to call a repairman. He was a little short, questioning me if I’d tried to relight it, would suck to pay a repairman to come and just light it. I said I agreed, I tried about ten times, the automatic lighter wasn’t working, and I wasn’t about to blow myself up, to mess with it beyond that. Then he was questioning that it should even need anything, should be under warrenty… was kinda being a jerk. I stayed pretty calm, said I’d check on that, but that I know parts go bad, furnaces can be sensitive… but that I’d need someone to come look at it. He said he wanted to know what was wrong, blah blah blah… I said I’d send him the paperwork and got off the phone. (For anyone who doesn’t know my story, my ex bought our girls and me a house that I pay half the mortgage of, he pays the rest and all repairs).

    So, my sister works for a HVAC, (which my ex knows, not like they’ll try to rip him off) and sent a repairman out after I went to work. (I gave the garage code to get in) and he called, said it was all fixed, and that the circuit control board had to be replaced.

    I texted him the info., said my sister sent a repairman during the day so we wouldn’t pay overtime rate when I got home.. her office number to call if he had questions, and that I’d ask her later about any warrenty. About an hour later he texted to say,

    ” No. I’ll just call L to hopefully charge it over the phone. Good to have family in the business.” Then sent another text saying,

    “Sorry I was short this morning. I had to catch a bus to a place I didn’t know for a class I was late for.”

    I replied,
    “It’s ok. I understand feeling rushed. New furnaces have a light switch to ignite. I would feel very nervous trying to manually light it and then worried about the possible gas fumes since I had to leave. Hope everything worked out getting to class.”

    I think that is ok, let him know I didn’t take it too personally.. he can be a bear which is something I’m trying to figure out the best way to work with, and it also let him know my fears of messing with the furnace. After all, I am just a girl! 🙂

    I really want my posts to be shorter than his though, so I need to work on that. But he did send 2, and I only sent one.. so maybe that counts? lol.

    Lizka, that would be so hard, not being able to get away from him at work, just hearing their conversations.

    It’s odd to me, that so many people would be that facinated by one guy… enough to talk about him all the time. He’s nice looking, but he’s not THAT hot. Did you send yourself those flowers yet?


    I’m alone in the office so I can catch up on the blog.. Yeah! Day has flown by as I was quite busy earlier!

  115.  #115turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 11:57 am

    There were some comments about feeling lonely in the mornings or at night. I’m too busy in the mornings getting the girls off to school and me to work to think about anything else, and sometimes at night, I feel a twinge when I go to my king size bed all by myself. BUT, I scoot right in the middle…. hog all the pillows I want, sink into that comfy mattress and enjoy my beautiful bedroom. Then I think to myself, I’m really glad I don’t have anyone snoring or farting in my bed! (except sometimes the dog, lol)

    I hug myself tight and go to sleep. I imagine being held by someone special. 🙂

  116.  #116Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Heather you said you don’t want to let him go but it sounds to me like you have nothing to let go anyway. What do you think?

  117.  #117Starla on February 27, 2012 at 11:58 am

    woohoo, ladies, so much abundance be comin to me, yeahhh

    just remembered i have a $25 gift card to a place where i can buy nail supplies. Was thinking I’d have to go into my budget to pick these up. Nooope:)

    And I have a gift card to

  118.  #118Heather on February 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm


    Thank you 🙂 I just…urgh….am in denial I guess. I’ve tried CD’ing but he’s on my mind and I compare.

    I want to know HOW he is, what HE’S doing. I told myself, as Rori directs, to let him come to me, to let him be the planner and make the moves…but he’s not. This is where my denial/excuses come in…

    Is there ANYTHING I can do, without leaning forward (and not being pathetic) to know where he’s at with me?

  119.  #119Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    #50 April Rose

    I thought you were in England where guns are pretty hard to come by?

    Yes I do LOVE intelligence in a man, it’s a pretty big turn on for me too, just be careful OK?

    LOL I sound like your mum!!!!

  120.  #120Heather on February 27, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    FW… you’re right, there IS nothing to let go of. DENIAL 🙂

    Rori said to not focus on what COULD be, how great it CAN be but not paying attention to the future and what IS, right now today. Nothing.

    I need to stay present focused and shake the feelings I have for him. How? Sorry, I feel pathetic 🙁

  121.  #121Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Turquoise “It’s ok. I understand feeling rushed”

    I don’t believe this is authentic plus I want to point out that this is the kind of innocous thing that can ruin a good relationship. You said early that he was being a jerk then when he apologized you told him that it is okay for him to blow you off.

    Is it possible to really get clear about how you felt rather than focussing on his behavior so that you can find words to share? It is obvious that you called at a bad time and that he was not being a jerk. It is obvious that he wants to come across as a good man rather than as a jerk. It is obvious that he is quite aware about when he behaves badly. Is it possible that he needs your help to minimize the behavior? If he knows that you felt small as an ant or like you were brushed off like a fly in the moment and don’t like to feel like that he might be able to catch himself early in the interaction and immediately apologize. Who knows could his unconscious have caught onto your “jerk” thought in the second it crossed your mind? You might even be able to come up with a workable solution around “emergencies”. It seems it was the same kind of thing around the girls lunch the other day.

  122.  #122Femininewoman on February 27, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Heather you might need to outgirl him. As Rori explains it, it might end up with nothing happening, like you two sitting around together while nothing happens. She says leave him be, he will hopefully eventually get it, while you keep cdating.

  123.  #123Starla on February 27, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    took such lovely care of myself this weekend

    and i made myself a wonderful bfast and a goddessy lunch, obento style:)

  124.  #124Heather on February 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    But it’s wrong for me to tell him I miss him…?

    He told me he doesn’t like to always be dissapointing me, to see me crying or upset and that it’s better we “be friends” but there’s nothing friend like about what has happened… I truly miss him and have DESPERATLEY been trying to follow RR (Rori’s Rules) and NOT lean forward, NOT initiate, NOT be mascuiline but I just feel like there’s this uncomfortable unsaid-ness.

    I guess if I learn how to deal with this discomfort and anxiety I can manage it without involving him but I feel like he holds the answers…

  125.  #125Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    @ Heather 116 – I feel sad/bad/a little nervous telling you this, but his silence since December is letting you know EXACTLY where he is with you…and that is NO WHERE NEAR YOU.

    There is no telling what is going on with him or what he’s thinking about you, because HE ISN’T TELLING YOU.

    I hope I don’t sound mean, but I just don’t want you to waste your time or energy on someone who doesn’t sound like he’s worth it, simply because he doesn’t think YOU are worth it!

    and girl, YOU ARE WORTH IT!


    I know it’s hard, but we live in a beautiful world with so much to do, so much to feel, and so much to explore.

    Once you do that, he may or may not come back to you. Either way, you won’t care, because you’ll have your power back!!

  126.  #126Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    #89 Radiant Rising

    I was inspired by the post Peaches did about The Healing Codes, I downloaded the book yesterday and have studied it avidly for 2 days, I have done 3 codes on myself today and each time found myself crying, I have no idea why or what that’s all about but I’m sure I will find out soon enough. 🙂

  127.  #127Heather on February 27, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    FW…what does “outgirl” mean?

    Iamabutterfly… no, not mean. HONEST. Direct and realistic. He’s SHOWING me where he is at, TELLING me without words…and then my denial is saying, “maybe he’s waiting for you to make a move?”

    According to RR if a man WANTS to see you or spend time with you he will. Right?

  128.  #128Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    @96: Heather says:
    “… I don’t want to let him go, I’ve tried leaning back and seeing what happens and…nothing….
    So…I’m trying NOT to use masculine energy and say I miss him, but I do, every day. Thoughts?…”

    My thoughts: He’s already gone… for the moment. Good news is he’s still on the planet and you could meet up in the future. But don’t wait around for him.

    He was truthful with you so don’t make him “wrong.” Most people don’t like pressure. They’ll leave you alone if they’re the good sort. If they are not good men, they might stick around and pick you dry. This man did not do that.

    I believe your man and your relationship had not yet arrived at a place for sexual exclusivity nor dating exclusivity. Have you read Rori’s posts on the “girlfriend” speech?

    I would not offer sexual intimacy as a way to ensnare a declaration of commitment; it will not work and you will feel awful… this goes for your other CDs too. Take care of yourself and do things to keep yourself happy. When you feel good about it, make yourself open to dating other men.


  129.  #129Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    @122 Heather. No, I don’t necessarily feel like it would be “wrong” to tell him you miss him, but he’ll be able to feel if you are trying to control the outcome by telling him that you miss him.

    If it were me, I might need to tell him I missed him just for my own personal sanity.

    also, read comment # 7 by April Rose. It really helped me, and I feel good about it helping you as well. 🙂

  130.  #130Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    @107: Iamabutterfly


  131.  #131Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    #94 Brenda

    I love your new profile, it feels exciting and romantic and INTELLIGENT.

    Can we date LOL? 😉

  132.  #132Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    I LOVE THIS QUOTE. It feels soooo empowering!!

    “why didn’t you tell me; ‘if the girl had been worth having, she’d have waited for you’?

    because, sir, the girl really worth having won’t wait for anybody.”

    – F. Scott Fitzgerald

  133.  #133Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I need to get some major work done! Gotta say bye bye to the blog for today. Much love to you all, Sirens! <3

  134.  #134Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    #94 Brenda

    I LOVE the word buttery too. 😀

  135.  #135Heather on February 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    SLV, thank you.

    No I haven’t read Rori’s “Girlfriend Speech”- where can I find it.

    I agree and feel much better, assured…maybe a little more confident?

  136.  #136Heather on February 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Thanks SO much IAB 🙂 you really helped!

  137.  #137lk on February 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm


    it might be great practice actually to send him a note practicing being authentic with your feelings… just a very simple, non-explanatory

    hi, x : )

    just noticing that i still feel connected to you… & i feel a little sad noticing that i miss you….

    xo, heather

  138.  #138Hopeful on February 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Iamabutterfly and LK

    Thanks for your comments.

    Last weekend, I teared up, and told him what made me feel sad, and all he heard was blame. (I feel like no matter how I say it these days all he hears is blame.) And he spent the whole day being angry with me, and then threw the fit when the tub leaked. I never saw him so angry. He keeps asking for one drama free weekend. So I tried to give him one this weekend. But I am really sad, and really in a lot of pain. But I fear that when I get home tonight he will be angry about the comment I made last night.

    It has been so hard for me to be happy lately. Especially after getting two angry lectures in the last few weeks about how everything that is wrong with the relationship is my issue. (Oddly though, the issues sound more like the ex-wife’s issues than mine, though I did not say that).

    He said I hate all men. And I don’t think you could find anyone who knows me who would agree with that statement. I don’t care too much for my dad, but I pity him now.

    So that is why I feel like I cannot express my feelings. I am like a number of women Rori has written about that needs to get out and get happy so I can attract my man again. But it is so hard to be happy when I am living with this angry depressed man.

    I am going to have to get out of the house more.

    Thanks for your feedback. It is appreciated.

    It did feel hopeful that he recognized his anger. Maybe he will work on it. I do need to let go of any outcomes and just focus on getting myself happy.

    I feel like staying in that house, feeling so alone is contracting my soul. I want it to expand. Must get out of the house and start living! I want to live and have fun.

    Am trying to arrange a weekend to go visit my toddler niece. She is such a fun little girl. I would love to feel that happiness she does. She loves to laugh and be silly. I want that.

  139.  #139mali on February 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    @ 130- Iamabutterfly: LOVED this!! <3

    P.S. Can we call you Lama from now on? 😉

  140.  #140Hopeful on February 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Also, I do have Reconnect. Put it in my car on the way to work again today and am listening to it on my commute.

  141.  #141Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm


  142.  #142Iamabutterfly on February 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Mali! Gah…I keep forgetting to email you! Please don’t take it personally!!

  143.  #143mali on February 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    @140: Hee hee how can I when you put it like that? <3

  144.  #144lk on February 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm


    i really can’t tell you how fast things can change. it’s nutty.

  145.  #145April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm


  146.  #146Starla on February 27, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Things can really change on a dime

  147.  #147April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Yep, I’m in England. The guns are air rifles for shooting rabbits and game. I imagine he thought the guns would upset me cos I’m a vegetarian, but I was fascinated.
    He said to me “nothing spooks you” which in its own way meant to me that he felt safe with me and not judged for his evil ways!!!

    Thanks for sounding like my Mum. It feels kind and comforting. I lost my own Mum when I was just 18, and then my Dad a year later.
    I still miss them all these years later.

  148.  #148April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 1:10 pm


    Yes, things sure can change on a dime. Or a ha’penny!

    WM has stepped up utterly since I have dated this other (dangerous) fellow. WM has spilled out all his manly passion and it feels like he’s fighting to keep me and to let me know he is there for me.

    It’s a huge turnaround and I feel shocked by it.

  149.  #149Mel on February 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Ooooooh! I just saw the most beautiful wedding dress I’ve ever seen! It’s like it was made for me!
    I don’t think I really want to get remarried though … perhaps I could wear it to a swanky party or something! I wonder if it comes in green?

  150.  #150Hopeful on February 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    LK & Starla – Things can change on a dime? Really? My man is pretty toxic right now.

    Can you share with me a hopeful story of how things can change quickly? I could really use some hope.


  151.  #151Siren Angel on February 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Heather, have you had ANY contact with him since Sept and 2 texts at xmas?

  152.  #152Starla on February 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Mel, I want to seeeeee sendalinkplzkthxbye

  153.  #153Butterfly Wings on February 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    8 Brenda – it would be different if he’d been completely honest with me.

    But that doesn’t matter now.

  154.  #154Starla on February 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Hopeful, my whole life is an epic tale of things turning around on a dime, but, what happened most recently is I DROPPED MY STANCE. I stopped looking for ways he was wronging me. I stopped trying to stand up for myself when it wasn’t truly necessary. I asked myself if I couldn’t be showing compassion instead of doubt, disappointment, fear, and anger in response to my man’s (“bad”) behavior. It melted him completely and instantly.

    have you done Rori’s Toxic Men program?

  155.  #155Butterfly Wings on February 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    14 SMB – thank you. It’s so nice to know that I have all of you around me who care.


  156.  #156turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    FW said….

    Turquoise “It’s ok. I understand feeling rushed”

    I don’t believe this is authentic plus I want to point out that this is the kind of innocous thing that can ruin a good relationship. (hmmm…. that sounds like what is the point then in even trying to have a relationship, as there are much bigger issues that face a relationship than in how you accept an apology.
    You said early that he was being a jerk then when he apologized you told him that it is okay for him to blow you off.

    Maybe things don’t come across in my post that really express how I am feeling, but this is wrong.

    It was authentic, that 4 hours after it happened and I read his text, I was no longer frustrated with him or about the situation. I tend to let things go pretty quickly. I didn’t know he wasn’t at work, (if I can reach him on the cell phone then he’s on the metro, or walking to his office) or that had to catch a bus… so I had no idea he was rushing. I could preface my calls about issues with, “is this a good time to talk?” and guage his response and then go from there. I also didn’t feel blown off at all. I felt criticized, as if I can’t make a smart judgement call about needing a tech. to come look at something. I could express that to him.

    Is it possible to really get clear about how you felt rather than focussing on his behavior so that you can find words to share? It is obvious that you called at a bad time and that he was not being a jerk.

    It is not obvious to me at all that he was not being a jerk. His tone and line of questioning was irritated and a bit angry. He could have let me know that he was in a rush and would call me later to discuss. I’m not going to take responsibility for not knowing what he doesn’t share with me.

    It is obvious that he wants to come across as a good man rather than as a jerk. (really? Not sure what sounded like he wanted to come across as a good man in that conversation to you?) It is obvious that he is quite aware about when he behaves badly. (after he’s reflected on it) Is it possible that he needs your help to minimize the behavior? If he knows that you felt small as an ant or like you were brushed off like a fly in the moment and don’t like to feel like that he might be able to catch himself early in the interaction and immediately apologize.

    In 18 years of knowing him, I have only known one time with me, for him to not over-react or get very upset about something that I really expected him to get upset about. He has a short fuse/quick temper and his apologies always come way after the fact, not in the moment. I believe my best way to deal with this, is to not take it personally when it happens, and keep in mind that he’ll cool down and rethink it later. I could try different ways to begin the conversation, see if that helps…. but I don’t have an unending amout of time in my day to think through what I might need to say to him quickly. I didn’t start the conversation in a negative way. Just stated the facts and what my plan was to handle it.

    Who knows could his unconscious have caught onto your “jerk” thought in the second it crossed your mind?

    Yeah maybe he did… but it was in reaction to what he’d said, that jerk thought came after. Maybe that is why he felt bad and apologized, because I was being authentic, not trying to hide my feelings from my voice.

    You might even be able to come up with a workable solution around “emergencies”. It seems it was the same kind of thing around the girls lunch the other day.

    I will speak to him about this. It’s a good idea. When we dated/were married we had a code saying, just a few goofy words to say when a conversation was getting heated, the other could say it, we immediately had to stop, let it go and revist later when emotions were calm. Usually it made us laugh and we’d realize whatever we were arguing about wasn’t that important.

    O, so I am going to lean forward later and send him a text asking him to call me when he has a chance, and it’s a good time to talk so we can come up with a plan to handle urgent matters, as what we are doing now, feels bad.

    I will tell him that I feel criticized and untrusted to make good decisions with the house and what needs taken care of. And that sometimes, I feel that way about the girls also. And that feels really bad to me, as if he thinks I’m uncapable of making the best choice.

    I will say that I didn’t contact him to ask him to take care of it, to call the repairman or make an appointment, I was calling to keep him informed of what had happened, as he’s asked me to do.

    I will then ask him how he feels, what he thinks and if he has any suggestions.

    The reason I am going to lean forward and text about this is because I want to address it when it is a good time, not when he has 5 min. on his way to bowling and wants to chat with the girls or feels hungry, tired, etc.

  157.  #157Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    #153 BW

    We DO care Love xxxxxxxxx

  158.  #158Butterfly Wings on February 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    25 FW – Yep you’re right, and I think that’s why I was so upset last night. It was like I KNEW that the end was near, and it wasn’t about him moving on, but me!

    My baby (14 year old) comes home on Thursday though, so my CDing efforts will have to remain a bit tame until April… but I am meeting up with Peaches next week, might go for a beer with D, and who knows what else?!

  159.  #159Mel on February 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Sorry Starla, no link. I was just passing by a shop on my lunch break and it was in the store window.

    It looked retro… crochet lace, 1940’s styling… black tie-around belt… soooooo ME!

  160.  #160Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    I am feeling sooo disullionised with this whole RR thing sorry to say, not that I feel that the messages don’t work but after all this time on here I don’t see anybody here who is still on here that much further on including myself…………….hhhhhmmmmm

  161.  #161Butterfly Wings on February 27, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Ok here’s what I’m going to say to TH this morning…

    He has said he’s going to go back to his house a few nights a week from now on, so I’m going to tell him that I will expect that he’s not coming back to mine, and if he doesn’t let me know, I will go just go home without waiting for him like I have been up until this point.

    It protects me because I have no expectations, and I no longer feel like I’m waiting around. Ick.

    And he won’t like it because it means he’ll have to walk from the station if he’s not let me know, rather than coming in the car with me.

    Also, I told him last night that if I go out with a friend, male or female, he is NOT to give me a hard time about it like he did last time I was out with a guy. OMG he ruined my night, he was texting the entire time! So no more of that. If it’s good enough for him to go out and have fun without me, then I am entitled to the same respect.

    I also told him how I have joined a heap of groups to allow me to make new friends etc. He didn’t sound encouraging (worried maybe?), but he didn’t tell me not to go ahead with it either.

    Honestly, I don’t see how his step back is going to help him at all – afterall, I am the prize, and he’s about to lose it! 😉

  162.  #162Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Is every woman on here with a clueless or Toxic Man?

  163.  #163turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Butterfly wings, I’m sorry… but I don’t think this is the end…. feels to me like maybe a little space and distance will put things into perspective, and it will all work out. Just feels a little tense to me, not that it’s over or he doesn’t love you.

  164.  #164Mel on February 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Shoot! Now I wanna get married just so that I can wear that dress! Sorry Mr. A, there’s been a change of plans… 🙂

  165.  #165April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Silver Moonbeam! What are you on about????

    Please see my post number 146 and Starla’s post no.152

    ((((((Silver Moonbeam))))))

  166.  #166Butterfly Wings on February 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    25 FW – I have to thank you for this in particular: “You have what seems to be expectations that a wife might have without being in the kind of committed relationship that you want or even he wants.”

    You are so right! And this puts pressure on him and it also makes me feel bad because I’m not getting what I want either!

    Thank you for this clarity!


  167.  #167turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Mel, snap a picture of it and add it to your vision board!! 🙂

    Love when I find something that looks made for me! I have a silver bracelet from my sister that feels that way. I need to get it repaired actually so I can start wearing it again! 🙂

  168.  #168Mel on February 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Non-toxic and has a clue. 😉

  169.  #169LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Hi Turquoise

    I’ve been using my fb page as visionboard of sorts. I have a whole bunch of stuff that only I can view. It’s great!

  170.  #170Starla on February 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Silver Moonbeam, I’m not… I’m with a standard man:D RR’s feeling messages and tools work great with him. When I stray, things turn toxic and unhappy between us. He actually told me the other night he preferred how i was communicating with him earlier on (in RR feeling messages). Otherwise he gets defensive and feels blamed and made wrong.

  171.  #171Hopeful on February 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Thanks Starla. Hmm, will have to ponder what you wrote. I have tried to look for the good in him, like all the stuff he does around the house, and I try to thank him for the things he does, but that seems to fall on deaf ears now.

    How could I drop my stance?

    By expecting a happy response when I get home tonight instead of worrying about an angry one?

    By feeling compassion for the pain he is in because I am in pain too.

    By recognizing that I helped in this process of him being angry by needing him to be less angry?

    Not sure how to do this. I keep trying to mentally release him from having to do anything, but I think I still keep hoping that he will want interact with me. He tells me that he is frustrated when I do something that feels distant to him, when I feel like I am just trying to stay out of the angry space – like protect myself from the anger.

    Letting go of the fear is so hard. That is the hardest thing to do of all.

  172.  #172April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Let me tell you more.

    Today, WM lay next to me and gazed into my eyes like he adored me.
    I nearly fainted. It has been three years since he looked at me like that.
    Only this time was even more intense and had the depth of time in it.

  173.  #173April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    None of my turnaround would have been possible without my finding out that I needed to be in feminine energy and let *him* be and do all things manly.
    I learned this from Rori.

  174.  #174Francesca on February 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Mel, it sounds lovely! 🙂

  175.  #175T-Girl on February 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Silver Moonbeam – I’m not with a toxic man either and he is text book when I use the tools. But I also sometimes wonder if I found a needle in a haystack.

    I could tell he was different from the other men I dated on our first date.

  176.  #176Mel on February 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Non-toxic… Sounds like some sort of children’s art supply that I could eat and not end up in hospital.

    Yes, I could eat him up! But not too much or I might get a tummy ache…

  177.  #177turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Off to pick up my 6th grader from cheerleading practice. She has tryouts Wed. and is so excited! I hope she makes it… would help her feel more a part of the new school and district. Wish her luck please!

  178.  #178T-Girl on February 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Mel, I’ve always said that I don’t want to get remarried either, but then I wonder why I notice things like beautiful wedding dresses or diamond rings. Makes me wonder if deep down I really do.

  179.  #179Francesca on February 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    SM re 160

    Nope. EC can be a little clueless at times but nothing that can’t be cured! 😉

  180.  #180T-Girl on February 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Sending good luck to your daughter Turq!

  181.  #181Starla on February 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    169 hopeful, there is almost always a stance we take in any given interaction. Start with one interaction at a time. Is there one in particular you can think of that backfired and spun into you two not getting along very well? We could work with it together, to get an idea of what dropping your stance would look like.

  182.  #182Mel on February 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    170: April Rose

    That gave me shivers! 🙂

  183.  #183April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm


    It sure surprised me! I thought “OMG this guy loves me deeply”. Gulp. I had to breathe and fight the urge to run away!
    Staying there. Choosing relationship. Intimacy. Love.

  184.  #184Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm


    RE: #129 – LOL! Thanks!

  185.  #185Daria on February 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    ohhh Healing codes… ran into those before… feel curious about them again…

    feeling naseous thinking bout calling back my godsis mom, she left a message for me to call her yesterday

    i would cry and get all anxious thinking about it

    i want to heal this

    it seems overwhelming

    thats the things eft can flip and bring miracles for

    i want this to be healed!

  186.  #186Daria on February 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    ive been Emotrance riffing, breathing softly into stuck energy and leetting it soften in my body

    my system felt super refreshed

    i feel overwhelmed

    blowing into that

    its working



  187.  #187Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm


    RE: #51 – “I love my intensity. And the feeling of being matched by the same intensity in a man.
    Am I misplacing my passion here?
    Can I re-fuel my own intensity/passion/edge into myself somehow?
    I don’t know that I want to judge it as toxic behaviour.
    Rather it is raw energy, possibly misdirected.
    Let’s be gentle on ourselves over this, and let our fears be eased…”

    I had a response mostly written out to you when my computer crashed (overheated). What comes to mind is the movie, “Point Break” – have you seen it?

    Were you abused as a child?

    I recommend the book, “Men Who Hate Women and Women Who Love Them.” I found a lot of healing thru that. I still tend to be attracted to dangerous men, or potentially dangerous men, but I am trying to fix my picker-outer by only choosing time with men who make me feel good.

    What do you think/feel?

  188.  #188Hopeful on February 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Well, he cancelled the paper because last sunday, I had tears in my eyes. When he asked why, at first I said nothing was wrong. Then I had told him that I felt bad that I had not planned something fun for me that day because I was worried that we would argue when reading the paper. (Because lately it seems that we always do.) I feel lonely when I am sitting there and try to converse with him and he just groans and barely responds. He used to basically tell me to be quiet. And when I do things when we are reading the paper, like poking the fire, he scolds me, and I feel like I have to defend myself for doing it, or just stay out of the fireplace and let him to all the work. I know, I should not defend, but it is hard when you are in that place. He complains that the way I do it just brings smoke into the house.

    So he cancelled the paper, and this week, he did not start a fire, and instead read a tabloid. He seemed to be angry about what I had said, and was trying to comply, however, he just replaced the newspaper with the tabloid.

    I thought well, I guess he cancelled the paper so we would not fight, so I tried to make the best of it, and did not read anything and tried to make conversation. He talked with me, and gave me an article to read. It was very unpleasant. And I felt bad that he cancelled the paper because he likes it, though I did not mention it or ask about the paper. I wish I had planned something fun for myself yesterday and got out of the house, but I tried to stay there and be present instead of distancing myself, which seems to make him feel bad.

    Another thing, for Valentine’s day, I bought him a pie, which he usually enjoys. He ate two pieces that night. Then he didn’t eat anymore. After a few days, I asked him if he liked it, he said he ate two big pieces, doesn’t that tell me something. It is still sitting in the fridge, getting old since it has been in there for two weeks. I think he is angry because I asked if he liked the present. He gets angry when I ask if he likes the presents I give him. I was hoping that I got him something he liked, so I guess I was asking for validation, but it just made him dig his heals in the sand. It seems there is such a long list of things I should not say.

    I feel like everything I do is wrong. And most of it is motivated my worry and fear about things going badly. And then they do go badly.

  189.  #189April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm


    I found this man too intelligent for his own good. Like he didn’t know what to do with his intelligence, being a humble rural chap.
    Often his humour is so disguised I find it hard to know when he is joking.
    The other day he whispered “women are all the same. They’re all conniving” and I am almost certain he was doing it to get a reaction. It didn’t feel good.

    No, I wasn’t abused as a child. But my Dad sometimes used to make derogatory comments about women in general.

  190.  #190lk on February 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm


    “I feel like everything I do is wrong. And most of it is motivated my worry and fear about things going badly. And then they do go badly.”

    forgive yourself. recognize that the way you do things – anything, even if you “burn” the cookies & “forget” to buy milk at the store – is just the way you do them & don’t worry. if you notice a way you want to try, try it. this is your life. you aren’t doing it for him, it’s for you. you’re doing it beautifully.

  191.  #191Starla on February 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Hopeful, there is a lot we can tweak here. And you so clearly care about working on this and being an open, loving partner.

    “Then I had told him that I felt bad that I had not planned something fun for me that day because I was worried that we would argue when reading the paper.”

    How about the truth – “Ohhh husband, I feel scared and sad knowing you cancelled something you like so much…I want you to have the little things that make you happy, yet, I don’t want to feel like I am competing with them for your attention. What do you think?”

    About the vday pie….your husband is clearly on edge that you’re looking for ways to make him wrong and prove that you’re the good wife. Dropping your stance would look more like “hey husband, the pie’s getting old, want me to trash it?” with a smile.

    He is getting the feeling that you’re looking for a fight (ie making him wrong for something), probably out of conditioned habit from years of you having a stance.

    I’m NOT saying he doesn’t have his own stance and that he’s not wrong. Hell, assuming your wife is always looking to make you wrong IS a stance. But it can all change, starting with you.

    Does this make sense?

  192.  #192lk on February 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    i have something i really don’t want to talk about with my man… because i feel afraid of being misunderstood… but i can go really really slowly & just go one sentence at a time….. because i know he’s done nothing Wrong…… but at the same time, i know that if i say nothing, when it comes up again, it will be twice as strong a trigger because of these ones. if i say these ones, maybe it will never come up again ? : )

  193.  #193Lizka on February 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Turquoise 112 –

    “Lizka, that would be so hard, not being able to get away from him at work, just hearing their conversations.

    It’s odd to me, that so many people would be that facinated by one guy… enough to talk about him all the time. He’s nice looking, but he’s not THAT hot. Did you send yourself those flowers yet?”

    It’s not really about good looking or not it’s more that he is SO friendly with everyone and really funny. So everyone is still in contact with him and go out with him once in a while. It’s one guy in particular who talks about him all the time. This guy is very… “different” and I would say a little bit “socially retarded”… Let’s say he’s really into his own head… distracte. Yes that’s the word! 🙂

    About the flowers, no I haven’t send them, I think I’ll do that this Friday 🙂

  194.  #194Sun Goddess on February 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I am talking care of me today. I’m considering taking tomorrow off to heal more. My mom even picked up the kids from school and she is keeping them until just before bedtime. I feel so weird thinking only about myself, but in a very good way. 🙂

  195.  #195lk on February 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm


    you got a script for me ?

    i feel weird because of 2 things where facts were omitted. they were not Big Deals at all…. & the Full Story was eventually Revealed to me… but Lies Of Omission make me feel weird……………like i can’t trust ! …… & like my reaction isn’t trustworthy ?

    however, i know he didn’t mean to withhold anything & i do trust him & i’ve been feeling so close & safe with him…. i feel a bit scared to Ruin it with some “negativity” but i actually feel that it will be better in the long run ?

    what do you think?

  196.  #196Radiant Rising on February 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Hi Silver Moonbeam,

    I never heard of a healing codes but I will be sure to look them up! You may be crying because most likely you are releasing things that have been deeply ingrained into your DNA for so long. That’s how Theta Healing is too. It releases what is deep seated and our sub conscious thoughts do become embedded on a very molecular, cellular level. One wonderful thing about it is, you do not even have to discuss it. The healer can identify your fears and both of you can talk as in depth or not as you want, but regardless the release the objective and that occurs no matter what. Then new, safe feelings are downloaded into your belief system to replace the old cells. Hopefully that makes sense, but energy healing is very real, and we are all made up of it.

    Someone very close to me had an issue with a pedophile when we were kids. He went to see my teacher last week and he studied the letters of my loved one’s name. He managed to pull out the word pedophilia, told my loved one they do not have to talk about it, but that he is 100 percent innocent and pulled it out of his system. The results have been amazing.

  197.  #197Lizka on February 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Oy Yes SG that’s a wonderful idea!! I did that last week, I took a care day to heal my soul and take care of my body and my house as well. I felt so good and super energetic the next day! 🙂

  198.  #198Radiant Rising on February 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Hi Silver Moonbeam,

    I never heard of a healing codes but I will be sure to look them up! You may be crying because most likely you are releasing things that have been deeply ingrained into your DNA for so long. That’s how Theta Healing is too. It releases what is deep seated and our sub conscious thoughts do become embedded on a very molecular, cellular level. One wonderful thing about it is, you do not even have to discuss it. The healer can identify your fears and both of you can talk as in depth or not as you want, but regardless the release the objective and that occurs no matter what. Then new, safe feelings are downloaded into your belief system to replace the old cells. Hopefully that makes sense, but energy healing is very real, and we are all made up of it.

    Someone very close to me had an issue with a pedophile when we were kids. He went to see my teacher last week and he studied the letters of my loved one’s name. He managed to pull out the word pedophilia, told my loved one they do not have to talk about it, but that he is 100 percent innocent and pulled it out of his system. The results have been amazing.

  199.  #199Radiant Rising on February 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Hi Silver Moonbeam,

    I never heard of a healing codes but I will be sure to look them up! You may be crying because most likely you are releasing things that have been deeply ingrained into your DNA for so long. That’s how Theta Healing is too. It releases what is deep seated and our sub conscious thoughts do become embedded on a very molecular, cellular level. One wonderful thing about it is, you do not even have to discuss it. The healer can identify your fears and both of you can talk as in depth or not as you want, but regardless the release the objective and that occurs no matter what. Then new, safe feelings are downloaded into your belief system to replace the old cells. Hopefully that makes sense, but energy healing is very real, and we are all made up of it.

    Someone very close to me had an issue with a pedophile when we were kids. He went to see my teacher last week and he studied the letters of my loved one’s name. He managed to pull out the word pedophilia, told my loved one they do not have to talk about it, but that he is 100 percent innocent and pulled it out of his system. The results have been amazing.

  200.  #200Radiant Rising on February 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Ooops double post, I feel embarrassed. Apologies. Posting through phone. Nifty little gadget.

  201.  #201April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    ((Silver Moonbeam)),
    I hope you’re not feeling disillusioned or disgruntled.
    Sending some new illusions and gruntles your way “.)

  202.  #202April Rose on February 27, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Beddiebyes now. Goodnight cuddly ladies.

  203.  #203Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Ok sirens,

    Here is a prime example of miscommunication with texts….

    I texted my ex to say,

    Me: Hi. Could you give me a call when you have time to talk? Hoping we can come up with a better way to deal with “urgent” issues.

    Him: I’ll call tonight.


    Now I’m thinking, wow… this is great!

    Then I get,

    Him: Quickly

    Me:lol. ok. 5 min. should be good.

    Then…. about 20 min. later I realize I missed a text. After he said he’d call, he sent….

    Him: I thought we handled it fairly quickie.

    Which was then supposed to be followed by quickly as a typo correction.

    Then I sent this:

    Me: Oh geez…lol. I missed your quickie text. Thought you said you’d call tonight and then sent quickly. It was handled quickly today… but stressfully. Would feel good to not get short with each other. I know I do it too.

    him: not sure what you mean.
    hm: no, I meant the urgent comment.

    me: ok, now I am confused. Problem with texting. I meant urgent as in serious, the furnace, day girls were home lunch fiasco…. maybe we can come up witha plan during work hours, or if there is a problem, I ask first if this is a good time to talk? Just don’t want to fight about the little stuff.

    him: not sure of solution.
    him: oh you said a better way.

    me: can you just call me later? that was nothing gets lost in translation. I keep thinking of (our silly words) but that was more to stop an arguement. It would feel nice to not start one.

    He didn’t reply, so I will write out a few scripts, to get through this quickly… as I’ve mentioned before, he hates talking on the phone and I know he’ll be busy with bowling.

    But between interpreting a word differently, tone, assumption, typos… conversing by text can be tricky!

  204.  #204Starla on February 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    lk, i need more details…tell me more:)

  205.  #205Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    oh dear lord… now I just realized that the not sure what you mean and you said a better way texts were stored for 20 min. from when he sent them…. so they were in response to my comment about the 5 min!!!!!

    What a MESS!!!

    He wasn’t even responding to my new texts, they were just coming through then. LORDY, how screwed up, lol. Ok, now to text him again that the texts were coming late and I hope my meaning got through.

  206.  #206Siren Angel on February 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm


    When you talk to him, maybe you can say jokingly ‘texts felt all awry today, they were coming in later’ or something like that and turn it into humour?

  207.  #207Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Siren Angel… I sent him this,

    I just realized two of your texts I replied to, had been stored for 20 min. so these responses are all out of order. lol. I am sorry, it’s the bad connection here.

    I have really crappy reception here, so does he when he’s here, so he understands. But, this is an excellent reason for us to TALK, no rely on texts.

  208.  #208lk on February 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm


    i’m actually so triggered by it, that i feel afraid to describe it LOL

    this is so flipping annoying…. sigh



    i can’t. i can’t ! it would feel like “complaining to my girlfriends” & he did not do anything “wrong”

    oh well…. i guess, i’ll do my best & i’ll let the ladies know how it goes ! : )))

  209.  #209lk on February 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    basically i just want to say…

    hey, baby, i feel weird even bringing this up right now because i feel so nice just cuddled here with you… but yesterday 2 things happened that made me feel a little weird…. when you said X at first… & then later you said XY….. i felt like you didn’t trust my reaction to Y & were sort of trying to “keep” it from me by not mentioning it when you just said “X”…. & i want to trust you & feel like you trust me & my reactions…. & the same with the Z situation. it would feel good to not feel like things are ever withheld from me….. even if you are trying to “protect” me…. or not “catch flak” i don’t want to ever have to ask myself if you’re hiding something from me. thank you, baby : )

  210.  #210Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    LK, I think that sounds perfect, except I’d hold the thank you baby, until he agreed, or shared his perspective. But good job,… because even though I don’t know what X,Y, or Z are… I got it!

  211.  #211Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Ok, off to take my girls out to dinner. Will feel good to have some time with them and use a gift card I’ve been saving since Christmas. Have a good evening/day/sleep/etc. everyone!

  212.  #212Lena on February 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Hi, Rori

    When I was reading this article I recalled the movie “Education of the Little Tree” about Indian boy and his grandparents…

    I remember his grandma said smth like that the Spirit has to grow within until it can consume whole Universe but sadly in most people the Spirit is as small as the pea:)

    I dont know if the ketchup on a cottage cheese can shrink it but fear, etc – I think so… I think that people react to the energy more than words, actions, anything. And that energy level depends on how big is the…Soul (Spirit?) is… I was also thinking recently if its possible to somehow control the state of expansion from within and to be fully detached from the outside factors… Because usually its so attached to everything on “the outside”. I am not really sure how is it possible. But once on some reason having the taste of how it feels to be as big as the sky – its kinda hard to forget it:)

    Driving without the top under the rain… Mmmm:)

  213.  #213Starla on February 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    lk, it’s too many words and too in his brain about the catching flak thing. most men don’t like to admit they’re acting like scared little boys who tell white lies of omission to avoid catching flak! trust me!!!! i have made this mistake with CF a few times, even though i was TOTALLY RIGHT about his behavior lolololol. So…….

    what you’re trying to say:

    1. you feel so good with him and feel weird disturbing the peace, but something feels heavy on you right now, is it a good time to talk? (ask him if it’s a good time!)

    2. when he said xy, it felt like it contradicted x that he said earlier, and you have been feeling uneasy all day noticing that, because it makes you feel like maybe information is being withheld from you.

    3. You feel soo great with him, and so you don’t want to feel this way with him

    4. It would feel sooo much better to be completely open, even when the information seems inconsequential, cuz you’d feel easier and more trusting that way. What does he think? (ask him what he thinks!)

  214.  #214Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    I made a mistake today.. and also realized something.

    He suddenly texted me at work that he so misses me ‘now’. I replied with a little joke and asked: how about tomorrow? With his reply I saw that he misunderstood the joke and then he said his son is coming tomorrow. I didn’t answer. In text #3 he asked: Wed?

    yesterday he commented at one point on me being more concerned with how he feels compared to how I feel. I’m so happy I got this feedback, so I can fix it -) Interesting because I watch myself not to overfunction and receive his attention..

    But.. I feel very confused about intimacy.. I don’t know what I want, what to do and I am panicking about this.. Feeling so embarrassed. I did not have a sincere healthy relationship for a long time and now it feels like I almost forgot and can’t handle it!!!!

  215.  #215LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Neither CD song nor CD assertive are clueless or toxic. They are stepping up and expressing their heartfelt feelings for me (I’m the one who triggered by every little thing)

    I would have to say that RR tools have brought me a very long way. I was played by a toxic man and that is what led me to find her programs. Life has come a long long way in these few short months and it has been a whirlwind of positive change.

    Men are expressing their love to me, treating me like a queen, and I’m learning how to express my emotions and stay safe.

    Even if my relationships were going well, I would still post here because nothing is perfect and we all have a common goal – The focus is on the collective “me” here!

  216.  #216LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm


    How sweet of him to point that out!! Wow, he is really in tune with you

  217.  #217Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    @133: Heather says:
    “…No I haven’t read Rori’s “Girlfriend Speech”- where can I find it…”

    I’ve seen “no girlfriend” pop up in several posts.

    I tend to read for inspiration, ponder and create my own things. I’ve found a few archives posts that you might find interesting. Posts about “no girlfriend” speeches. There are some things here to consider when thinking about commitment.

    Rori said:

    “He Doesn’t Want You To Date Other Men – But He’s Living Day To Day…”
    Monday, 20 April 2009 @ 7:23pm

  218.  #218Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Ohh and now he is asking what I want to do on Wed, what would make me the happiest and I am panicking!!

  219.  #219LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    This blog is also important for the scripting for the daily situations we may encounter. I don’t look at it as successful or not, it’s a continuous support. Relationships are complex and fluid.

  220.  #220Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    I posted several weeks ago that I wasn’t quite ready for 2012 to begin so my year 2012 will have ten months in it.

    September will be month seven
    October will be month eight
    November,,, month nine, December the tenth and final month of 2012.

    Last March is also when I made a 12 month vow to myself.

    The past year spun around so quickly….giving rise also to one of my mottoes for 2012:
    “A whole lot can happen in a year…”


  221.  #221Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    I said : Hmm going out would feel good 😉

    I can’t say I want a particular show, right? I already mentioned that I wanted to see that show yesterday.. I don’t want to ‘make’ him do it

  222.  #222Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Of course, now he is asking where I want to go..

  223.  #223Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    @158: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…I am feeling sooo disullionised hhhhhmmmmm…”

    I believe in the beautiful magic that I create for myself but I don’t get too excited about any magic bullets, magic buttons that I find everyday on the Internet.

  224.  #224LoveAlways on February 27, 2012 at 4:11 pm


    Wow, that’s cool!

  225.  #225Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    @ Silver Moonbeam

    Do you think that “Healing Codes” book is having an effect on your spirit? I think I would put it down. Just me and IMVHO but it seemed to me very chilling when I was reading your post describing it.

    I want you to be happy! It might be fun to work on getting enough online dating site replies to generate a coffee or lunch meet-and-greet date once a week, twice a month, whatever you decide and go from there. Some local cuddly guys in your age group. Sweeties. What do you think?

    Barb! I was looking at meetup places and when I logged on, I saw there were meetups in London… are you in London? Well, there’s a group of people with pugs meeting in Regents Park… LOL

    Maybe there are meetups in your city too if you’re not in London vicinity.

    I’m pulling for you…


  226.  #226Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm


    How nice, 2012 is getting ready for you!

  227.  #227Kyla on February 27, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    @ Hopeful

    You asked for a story where things could change on a dime so I thought I’d share my most recent

    My R seemed to turn into this grumpy, angry, distant, unappreciative, depressed, self-centred, selfish person overnight. It got worse and worse with him doing less around the house, less for me, sex was suddenly boring and infrequent, I felt miserable. This started a couple weeks before Christmas.

    I put a huge effort into me – cding myself, getting out more, planning things just for me and trying to take my attention off him. It felt like it was working, things seemed happier by new years, until I heard from a mutual friend that he was telling people we were over and he was going home (abroad).

    I flipped, got really angry, went out and sank into my anger, got to the point where i knew I’d be ok if he left, did not come home until i had a speech and then went to him told him i wanted to share something with him and asked if now was a good time. i delivered a short, simple speech of feeling messages and don’t wants. no explanations, no blame, no drama. I’d say about 6 sentences in total but they were the utter truth. i went into full girl mode, leaned back, put all my attention on me and when he popped into my mind i would tell myself ‘he’s a big boy he can take care of himself and ask for help if he needs it” this helped me put the focus back on me. anywho things turned around in a week, things were back to normal after 2 weeks, things were wonderful after 3 weeks and I’ve been walking on air since.

    I really believe its because once i made up my mind that i ‘could’ let him go if i had to all the tension disappeared. once i made myself happy he was inspired to lift himself from his own depression. once i had the courage to simply state honestly how i felt he had the courage to accept his own feelings (even the ones he didnt directly share). i practiced being warm, open and receptive smiled and thanked him every single time he made an effort and he started coming forward more and more. i sank into my soft, pink, squishy feminine energy and it reawakened his desire for me and brought out his provider/protector instinct again 🙂 it was lightening quick.

  228.  #228Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Should I say the show? Should I say I want it soo much?

    I said that he always feeds me well or that the show would be nice too.

    Am I afraid to be a siren? I’m actually feeling uncomfortable to make him see the show if he is not that keen on it

  229.  #229Sun Goddess on February 27, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    I feel sad that LP hasn’t called to check on me.

  230.  #230Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 4:38 pm


    He may do it still?

  231.  #231Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    @222: LoveAlways

    OK, thanks. I don’t know which thing so I’ll think happy thoughts of general coolness… LOL


  232.  #232Sun Goddess on February 27, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    He may, but the way things ended yesterday I doubt he will.

  233.  #233Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    @224: Memulo

    I’m such a procrastinator, I might have to put it off until next week. But easy breezy is part of the fun.

  234.  #234Starbright on February 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Okay finishing day 12 (I think I miscounted yesterday) of no contact with my unavailable guy.

    Has anyone noticed the calm feeling of getting your power back in that kind of situation?

    I have noticed that today even though he has come in and out of my thoughts that I also feel calmer. I can actually breathe more deeply. I feel more at peace. Not saying I don’t still miss him….

    I was feeling this way in the end of November/early December before he started calling me daily and I let him talk me into him coming back without the relationship that I wanted and deserved.

    That brought some fun and happiness along with a lot of pain. He offers too little…

    I need to stay strong and committed to myself. I want a great relationship with all the trimmings! Yes!

  235.  #235Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 4:46 pm


    ‘Has anyone noticed the calm feeling of getting your power back in that kind of situation? ‘


  236.  #236Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    @147 &@157: Mel says:
    “…Ooooooh! I just saw the most beautiful wedding dress I’ve ever seen!
    It looked retro… crochet lace, 1940′s styling… black tie-around belt… soooooo ME!..”

    I want one too! Maybe not 1940s. I’ve been thinking of the 1920s since I watched the “Downton Abbey” episodes on public television. And gold crochet is in my head also.

    I could always have the dress even if I don’t have the marriage…

  237.  #237Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Nah SLV, no cheating please! You will have to get out there and find your Sweetie 😉

  238.  #238Senior Lady Vibe on February 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    @235: Memulo

    He’s here… in spirit. I’m keeping a place warm for him until he shows up!

    We’re now watching “The Bachelor.” I think he likes watching all those girls! hahaha I don’t mind… I like to watch them too.


  239.  #239Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm


    don’t know, not the biggest fan of ‘The Bachelor’. Feels a bit plastic to me.. girls too.. I would imagine your Sweetie will get bored quickly and want to spend time looking in your eyes instead..

  240.  #240Starbright on February 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Memulo, Thanks!

    I know it’s a step by step process…just noticing how I feel today and I feel better than yesterday!

  241.  #241Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    April Rose,

    RE: #187 – “The other day he whispered “women are all the same. They’re all conniving” and I am almost certain he was doing it to get a reaction. It didn’t feel good.”

    What did you say in response?

  242.  #242Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    I feel worried that I can’t be a real siren.. but on the other hand I want it all be about us, not about me?

  243.  #243Memulo on February 27, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    I remember one of the pages here was about ‘if you don’t want anything from him, he will give you exactly that: nothing!’

    I can’t find the right balance.. I don’t know what to do

  244.  #244Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Hi people. We talked a little more on the way to work this morning (trains were delayed so we drove – hence we had plenty of privacy). And we both got a lot of stuff out of our systems.

    By the time I parked the car, things were a lot better and he jokingly pretended he was going to push me into a tree (we do this thing like from the Shrek movie where Shrek and Fiona keep shoving each other till he pushes her into a bush!). So I said “A hug would feel better”.

    And right in the middle of the road he opened his arms and gave me a nice big hug!

    I’m still now happy with how things are, but I tell you what – this has renewed my focus on doing another triathlon! lol

    TH is now on the back of my horse and from now on I will expect nothing from him. My happiness is 100% my responsibility, as is my social life.

    He isn’t happy that I made plans for tomorrow night because he said he wanted me to go to a dinner for a close friend of his, but I’m not going to cancel.

    He is also quite unhappy with the concept of me meeting male friends for drinks after work etc and he grumbled a bit but he knows that there’s nothing he can do about it if he’s going to keep ditching me in favour of his friends (male and female).

    I’m feeling kind of angry about it all but I know that’s just me feeling frustrated that I just can’t boost my social life overnight. But it will happen and I look forward to it! 🙂

  245.  #245Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Honestly, are relationships supposed to be this hard????

    I also wonder if I was overreacting due to my baggage from the past?? :-/

  246.  #246lk on February 27, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    @starla, thank you kindly – used as directed & received a very sweet, “no thank YOU for bringing it up : ) ” after we talked : ) woo hooooo

  247.  #247Lena on February 27, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Hi, everyone

    Report from the “field”:)

    1) R wrote me a letter and I replied right away and not few days after as usual. He wrote me a poem there:) I actually giggled a bit about it because it felt good from one side, from another – he never even met me:) How he can “think of me all the time”, etc. He said he is serious about having a serious relationship with me and hopes I can accept him and his daughter in my heart… I replied its good to hear such nice things but I dont know what to say about it and that I want to talk to him more, etc. He lives in another country.

    2) Received today another letter from italian man. He wrote that he likes my picture, etc. He stated right away that he is looking for long term that will lead to marriage. Replied to that.

    3) On some reason I felt so much for my ex yday.. Actually this past few days I feel his … presence or smth. He was the one who left me more than a year ago, we stopped talking maybe 10 month ago. Well, he stopped replying… I found our pictures. He was the best I ever had… We were so happy. I think I am crazy – I put the pic of us kissing over the magnificent scenery in HK on my mobile wallpaper. I dont really feel pain… I feel happy watching me being so happy than. So loved. Suddenly my old old worker called saying she saw my miscall on her mobile. I never did call because she is also connected to my ex. Later that night my friend – a guy suddently txted me that he saw a guy that looks like my ex out. I havent seen L – my ex for more than a year. Nor anyone ever told me he was seen somewhere… It brought so many memories. I cant believe how happy I was and I recalled how good it feels to love and be loved.

    4) A. That “i dont know if he is with other girl” guy. He still havent accepted my FB request. He txted me last night sort of – Hey, thing. But I didnt reply. It was almost 11 pm. I answered this am saying just “Hi.” I felt very sad, because I like him but our communication has this gaps – he may not txt for a day and doesnt call. And I have all this doubts.

    He txted me back asking what I was doing yday and looks like I was very busy. I told him that I thought he was (hinting that it was very silent since Sunday) and that I felt sad I wasnt able to talk to him yday. He asked “Really? I miss you”.

    Strange… Is he insecure too or it just seems to me?

    I decided to talk to him face to face about all this “other girl” thing. Txting is not good for that. I want to understand whats going on with all this “in relationship” thing. And why he sees me than.

  248.  #248Sun Goddess on February 27, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    I feel super disappointed that LP didn’t check on me and that the man I just met yesterday asked me how my day was twice today! 🙁

  249.  #249Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Ick. I just ate KFC for lunch. I don’t emotionally overeat – I just lower the quality.

    I feel really down right now. And I know I’m hormonal too so that’s not helping. I just want to go home and sleep. Blech. If I didn’t have a meeting soon I’d go home now.

  250.  #250Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    I hate that so many of us are in pain. But better to go through this now than in 10 years time I suppose.

    I know why I have attracted TH. It’s to help me heal from being cheated on. I just wish these challenges weren’t so hard…

  251.  #251Starla on February 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    yay lk, success!!

  252.  #252Starla on February 27, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    i LOVE when they *thank us* for telling them they upset us, lol weeee

  253.  #253Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Watching a funny movie about dating called next stop wonderland.

  254.  #254Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Hi sirens,

    I took my girls out to dinner, we had such a nice relaxing night. THen I came home, went through some beauty products, put a fizzy ball in the tub and soaked for about 45 min. while talking to my sister about relationships and Rori Raye. My phone died so I finished my bath, washed my hair and then called her back. We talked probably another 90 min. and I think I inspired her to try some feeling messages and set some boundaries with her boyfriend. SHe just had a blast from the past show up, so we talked about how they always come back too.

    I just came down to let the dog out, get a cold drink, catch up quickly on the blog and am heading to bed.

    My ex didn’t call, but I don’t even feel disappointed. I ended up getting out some of what I was feeling and a possible solution during our mixed up texts, so I feel pretty positive he’s been thinking about it and will call soon to discuss. Regardless…. I have a really good reminder in place now to start any difficult or trying conversation by asking if it’s a good time to talk. This was suggested to me last time, but I forgot.

    I don’t feel mad or disappointed that he didn’t calll like he said he would….. maybe I will tomorrow. Right now I am soooo talked out and sleepy after my super long conversation with my sis, that I just feel like getting some sleep. I did think of some more feeling messages so I can clearly express what I’m feeling, and thought of saying something like this.

    I feel so trusting knowing that you’d do anything for me and the girls. I feel safe, cared for and protected. I also feel relaxed, that I don’t have to worry and can focus on being a good mom and enjoying our lives.

    It would feel so nice to be trusted and believed in, that I can make smart decisions and choices where the house and girls are concerned. Sometimes I feel criticized, like I’m untrustworthy and need to be reminded or scolded as if I were a child and not a responsible person.

    I’d feel better if we came up with a system on how to handle issues when they come up, without it starting an arguement or causing strain. I don’t want to upset you or stress you, especially when you are at work.

    One idea I had was to begin the conversation by asking if it’s a good time to talk. What do you think?

    I also remember our code words to stop an arguement, and it might be fun to try that again…. see if we could interject that early on in the conversation and shift the vibe? I’m open to any ideas and suggestions you have.

    I’m curious as to what he may think of or suggest. Our pattern has always been to argue, not talk for a little while, let it go, apologize and forget about it. Then repeat.

    Good news, my mom is home from the hospital, and while she still remains a medical mystery(to several doctors and specialists) her heart is fine, and she’s feeling a little better. I feel so relieved.

  255.  #255Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Siemens a buncha losers, then finally hitting it off with 1 man. He opens his wallet, and his wedding ring rolled out. Totally sounds like par for the course! And it helps to be able to laugh about it!

  256.  #256Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    Whoops, There is a voice recognition error for butterfly wings in my last post! That was supposed to say she meets a bunch of guys. 🙂

  257.  #257Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Oh, and SLV…. I’m making room for my sweetie too. I cleaned out the nightstand on the right of the bed, as I sleep on the left. There are a few items still in there… but on purpose.

    My favorite Valentine ever from when I was married. A few other special mementos, and a few little comfort items like mints, hand lotion, a chapstick…

    I plan to move the Valentine and mementos (just there to give a good vibe to the drawer) and add a few other items like a crossword puzzle book, a pen, a small tablet, maybe a book…. not too much, as it’s not for me… not going to clutter it up… but kinda get it ready for when that side of the bed gets used again on a more regular basis.

    After talking to my sister tonight I was really reminded of how law of attraction has worked in my life. I’ve always been considered the lucky one in my family. That things always worked out for me, and while that obviously isn’t completely true… I am divorced!!!, it’s kinda true.

    But from an early age I have just always chosen to focus on the positive side of things. I was low drama, made the best of situations, dreamed big… knew what I wanted, and went for it.

    Even things like having daughters, when my sisters and brother had all boys. My one brother has a daughter, but she is the only other girl. I wanted girls so badly… my ex wanted a platoon of little boys… but couldn’t love the girls any more. Just not possible. But not only did I want girls, I just chose to believe I’d have them. I had a dream I had a daughter before I even got pregnant… and then within a year, I was pregnant with a daughter.

    So, while speaking with my sister tonight, about what I want for my lovelife, I felt very reminded that I can have what I want, so it’s time to really get ready for it. I feel so close… like I’m finally making all these good changes in my life, and that it will draw my ex, or someone better for me, into my life.

    I’m not focusing my energy on him, but on me. What I need to do to allow the universe to bring me what I want.

    I feel excited. First, the universe wants to give me a blissfully peaceful, decluttered home. I have a habit of turning drawers into junk drawers, so I have a few more of those to go through, a closet to finish organizing, and my garage….. and that is it!!!! Then I can focus on my landscaping and outdoor projects this spring/summer. I really want an arbor covered in roses, it’s on my vision board… so it will be in my life this year.

    Yeah me!!! Manifesting my best self, finally free of clutter and the negative energy surrounding it. I am so excited!!!

    Body clutter too… at least 20 pounds will be gone by summer. Best part of decluttering, I burn a lot of calories! That topped with long walks, stretching and some home exercises, will melt those 20 pounds off easily. THen, once all my clutter is gone, I’ll have so much more time onmy hands, and getting to my goal weight, getting a check up, a visit to the dentist, a mamogram… taking care of my health will come next.

    All the while continuing to work on my emotional health, which is getting stronger day by day. I feel blessed.

    Now, off to sleep and meditate about laying on a beach somewhere this summer. Listening to the crashing waves, feeling the sun on my skin, sand between my toes… and smelling the fragrant air with a wonderful man and my two lovely girls by my side. Heaven on earth. 🙂

  258.  #258Brenda on February 27, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    Ryan’s thick walls kept my heart bare and parched.

  259.  #259Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 9:06 pm


    Maybe what he’s been doing is the best that he can do, for now. Remember what you told me when I asked what would happen if he never stepped up?

    You immediately said you’d marry someone else.

    What if you could really let go of any expectation of Ryan, even tell yourself that he can’t/won’t give you what you want/need/deserve…. so now it’s time to shift the focus onto yourself… work on your vibe, and be open to meeting a wonderful new man that is ultra intelligent, funny, warm, and expressive. Someone who call tell you what you mean to him, with no manipulation involved. Can you let yourself imagine, and dream big of what that other man might look like?

    I’d say he’s closer to your age… 45, works with computers or accounting, something maybe kinda boring or stiff looking on the outside…. but really, he’s a musician, who bares his heart and soul through song. He does it all too… he sings, he plays the piano and the drums. His passion for music is his way of praising G0d, touching your heart and keeps him sane for his desk job…

    He has a thick head of dark hair, brilliant green eyes, broad shoulders and is tall… 6’3 at least.

    He’s waiting and wondering what is taking you so long to get where you need to be… as some place you’ve never been, somewhere you’ve yet to go… he’s going to find you.

    He is loving, kind and romantic, he is honest and available…he wears his heart on his sleeve and always says it exactly how it is… he’ll inspire you to be your best self, to find a way to do what you love and make money at it… but he’ll be the major breadwinner, and you can stop worrying. You’ll mentor teens, who will become your children, and you’ll touch many lives.

    I believe this is true for you. I believe if you let go of Ryan, continue to focus on yourself and your happiness without him…. there is an amazing man like this one, or whatever variation sounds good to you…. but that you haven’t met yet. And when you are ready for the relationship, he will find you!

    I know it. I just do! XOXO

  260.  #260Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Ok, off to bed…. my little one keeps waking up and talking in her sleep, but she sounds worried, must be having bad dreams. I’m going to take her to bed with me, cuddle her and hopefully ease her worries.

    Goodnight sirens, love to you all!

  261.  #261Starbright on February 27, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Wow, Turquoise,

    I didn’t realize how creative you are! Your vision for Brenda is just absolutely beautiful in my opinion! And, so amazingly vivid!

    Do you have a vision for yourself with that much detail? I feel you could really bring whatever you want with your manifesting!


  262.  #262Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    I just love that Turquoise!

  263.  #263Starbright on February 27, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Of course you have already envisioned your beautiful home that you are living in right now and as you said your two wonderful daughters…!

  264.  #264Daria on February 27, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    im feelin extra lonely tonite…

    jus feelin so sad… talkd to Hawkman… he’s till into me… but the guy i was with is his friend.. and i miss him.. obsessing

    feelin loney

    feelin sad

    feleing angry at men

    want to punch some… hawkman, what had i called that new man?? mm ill call him frisco CD till ib remember

    jus feelin sad

    didnt return my sis’ moms voicemail

    still feelin sad

    and like i be returning it w fear and obligation…

    i wanna heal

    doing the emotrance all day but lost some of the groove

    feel like im pushing it

    jus overwhelmed by sadness…

    maybe not eating good today…

  265.  #265Daria on February 27, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    the 2 cds i called the other day… they were nice and it felt good to talk to them.. but they did NOT actually step up

    Frisco CD put upa picture of him and a woman after me and him were together..

    turns out its the mom of his baby (she was so sweet the baby!)

    maybe they got back together…

    well that’s what obsessing about and im feeling sad

    i ahd a nice impromptu cd last nite but today back to feelin sad

  266.  #266Daria on February 27, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    whoa like 10 men just wrote me in the last 10 min

    ok that feels good…

  267.  #267jill on February 27, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    I want a course to please get sent to me. Don’t want to download all that on my computer.

  268.  #268Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    Well sirens…. I feel pretty devestated and can’t stop crying. My ex called, a little tipsy, to double check our daughters birthday for his lock combination… anyways, I brought up the earlier texting conversation and how we could better handle things. He just pretty much said he didn’t think it was a big deal, he was in a rush… didn’t mean to be snappy. Just asked a question… blah blah blah.

    The conversation turned towards us, our past, the sleeping together now, and him bringing up that he pulled bacfk because he could feel the shift in me that just sex, wasn’t just sex to me.

    I asked if he ever thought about trying again… and to make a long story short he said that he has thought about it, but he can’t get past hurtful things that happened during our divorce, and that he just can’t let things go.

    He said that he hasn’t taken down his match profile, that he isn’t dating, doesn’t have a girlfriend, doesn’t feel he’s cheating on anyone by having sex with me, but that he doesn’t want to be the ass who meets someone else and stops coming around.

    I told him that in the moment, I enjoy him so much that I feel brave and think I can keep it just sex, but that I have been getting more attached, I wished we could try again. I told him he was right and that we can’t be together anymore. That I don’t want to get hurt, and that I’m glad the last time was so special because it meant a lot to me. I was totally open and honest, told him I still care a lot about him, am sorry for things that happened, but I’ve chosen to let go of the past and the ugly/scary parts of our relationship because life is short and I want to be happy. I don’t want to hold on to old pain and feelings.

    He said it’s not just sex to him, he’s not that kind of person, he realizes that too… and maybe that is what caused him to pull away.

    There is a lot more to the conversation, stuff about his family, his fiance, but I’m feeling so emotional, my hands are shaking and it’s hard to type.

    I’m glad we talked and it is out in the open. I said that I don’t want him to avoid coming home and spending time with the girls to not have to see me… and he said he hasn’t done that.

    I told him that we are different people than we were 5 years ago, and that I’m focusing on myself, healing parts of myself that I don’t like… to move on with my life and be happy. I also told him I need to let him go if I’m ever going to move on with someone else.

    He kept bringing up the fact that I’d said something about us just having sex for enjoyment… that he hadn’t imagined that. I agreed, said I’d said that, but that I’m feeling attached, and don’t want to get hurt, so best we stop.

    He said he needed to go, get some sleep and I said ok. He said goodnight, and I said it too and then we hung up.

    So my imaginary relationship bubble with my ex husband has burst. Now it’s time to pick up the pieces and put myself back together, again.

    It won’t be so hard this time. I am a good dreamer and manifester… new dreams will come to me. I will be ok.

  269.  #269Turquoise on February 27, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Thank you Starbright and BW. I appreciate that. 🙂

    BW, my guy for you is a little older than you and very successful. He is handsome and intense…. and he wants to whisk you away to sail around the world…. He can make your heart skip a beat just by the way he looks at you….. but he loves you more than anything and what he wants most is to be alone with you, on that boat, building beautiful memories by moonlight and sunrise….

    He’ll be your forever man. I thought about this earlier and was going to post before my little girl was crying. I got her snuggled in my bed…. just as he called. I need to go wash my face, try to reduce the swollen eyes that will surely give me away in 5 hours when I get CV up.

    Goodnight sirens, I need to try and sleep.

    Thank you all for the support and friendship. I know this will be much easier to get through having you all in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  270.  #270Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Oh (((Turquoise)))!

    I wish there was something I could say up make this all better! 🙁

    But you know you’re a beautiful siren and some guy’s going to make you really happy some day soon.


  271.  #271Daria on February 27, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    my OG friend called and talked to me and i vented to him a bit

    im feeling angry

    ohh im feleing frustrated and i think im taking it out on men maybe?

    im just feeling annoyed easily and brushing them off…


  272.  #272Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    266 Turquoise – I almost cried when I read what you wrote.

    Thank you for sharing that beautiful vision.

    I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends all over the world to help me shift my focus when I most need to.

    Sleep well T.


  273.  #273Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    #194 Radiant Rising

    I like that about the healing. Thank You.

    I have done the exercise 3 times yesterday as prescribed (on my own from the book) and each time I start crying, I know I must have a lot inside me because of my abusive past and I am working on fear as my main issue.

    I never had any counselling or talked to anybody about this abuse albeit a long time ago and in fact told nobody as I was ashamed, of course now I know that it is nothing to be ashamed of but at the time I didn’t see that. I only told my mum and sisters about 5 years ago and they were horrified as they had had no idea.

  274.  #274Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    Sorry ladies for my comments last night, I was on a bit of a downer. 🙁

    I have decided to give up Atkins as I miss some foods too much so am in a bit of a dilemma what to do now, also my stuff was supposed to come by UPS from Australia yesterday, all I have left of my life in Oz all 8 boxes including my TV, I waited in all day, too scared to go out in case they came because they don’t phone you first they just turn up and at 6.30pm I phoned to see where the stuff was and was told it was a mistake on their website and was still at the airport. 🙁 So I went from the roller coaster high of excitement all day waiting then a big dip to the bottom.

    Hope I didn’t rain on anybody’s parade.

  275.  #275Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    #199 April Rose

    Thank you for the gruntles, it’s another day and I am fine now, maybe my “stuff” will come today though I am not counting on it like yesterday, low expectations = no roller coaster of excitement.

  276.  #276Butterfly wings on February 27, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    SMB – I think a few of us are in a funk right now. Well… I am at least!

    We’re all allowed to have our occasional off days.


  277.  #277Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    #223 SLV

    Oh thank you for your post, I so know what you mean but honestly the book is ssooooo good and you actually pray to God when you are doing it, so it’s not spooky or weird (well unless you don’t believe in God) and although I am not religious in the conventional sense I do believe in *something* The Universe or whatever you choose to call it, but I don’t have a problem saying the word God.

    I have been looking at the local meetups the past few days as I always feel icky being on the dating sites, I don’t find them exciting to be honest I find them a little depressing, maybe it’s my age?

    I think T-Girl met J at one of these meet ups and it seems a much better way to go for me.

    There are 2 similar group type situation things you can join down here too, I did look them up when I first moved but ooops life has passed on for the past almost 3 months and I have done nothing. 🙁

    I am half an hour south of London, think I’ll skip the pugs in the park lol!! 😉

  278.  #278Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    #225 Kyla

    Thank you for your postive happy story. 😀

  279.  #279Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    #234 SLV

    I must be the only person here who hasn’t watched Downton Abbey lol, it’s been a great hit and apparently they are getting Shirley MacLaine in the new series……or maybe she has already been in it??

    On another note I just checked the UPS website and my stuff is at a depot about half an hour from here, so maybe today will be the day. 😀

  280.  #280Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    #252 Turq

    I’m so happy to hear your mum is OK, you must feel so relieved. 🙂

  281.  #281Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    #255 Turq

    BRILLIANT idea!!!!!!! I have an empty bedside cabinet (nightstand :)) on the side of the bed I don’t use too, ooohhh I think I will get some stuff in it for MY sweetie, mmm will have to think of a name for him.

    So funny with Brenda and Tarzan, I bet he has long silky hair. 😉

  282.  #282Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    #257 Turq

    Wow you are on a roll here, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the vision you have for Brenda and he sounds just perfect for her, can you do one for me pleassssse lol!! 😀

  283.  #283Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    #265 Turq

    {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}

    I think you handled that just beautifully, you have come a long way, and no none of us are the same person we were 5 years ago if we have chosen to learn and grow as you so very obviously have done so well.

    I think you, my dear, are going to be just fine with all of your visions for a brighter future. Take care. x

  284.  #284Silver Moonbeam on February 27, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    #273 BW

    Yesterday evening was an off time for me, but I am good now. I don’t stay down for too long, it’s my good ol’ boy taking care of my whiney little girl, or maybe it’s Sweetie looking after me. 😀

  285.  #285Emerson on February 27, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    From the article, Rori asks if it can enlarge our experience. Yes, I think some things can and some things can squelch it.

    I am working on forgiveness right now. I feel I’ve been treated badly and I am removing myself from a situation, but I feel bitter and I have to let go of that.

    I’ts so self destructive.

    It’s ok Emerson I know it’s just my strong self trying to protect me. But I can still forgive and be FREE.

    I’m trying.

  286.  #286Emerson on February 27, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    257 Turq
    I just love what you wrote there!

  287.  #287Emerson on February 27, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    I find myself more and more thinking of SafeCD and I imagine what it would be like to be with him.

    I have a date with other CD who I already forgot what I named him….anyway I have a date with him this week with ZERO expectations of anything.

    It will be a good excuse to curl my hair and wear a dress and makeup and act girly.

  288.  #288Emerson on February 27, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    LOL I do that all the time already tho haha..get pretty and put a dress on. 🙂
    Yay I love wearing dresses and it’s warm here already!!

  289.  #289Emerson on February 27, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Sorry you are feeling sad. 🙁
    I have days like that too. It feels frustrating.
    I hope tomorrow you feel better and it is a new day.

  290.  #290Daria on February 27, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    Thanks Emerson

  291.  #291Emerson on February 28, 2012 at 12:02 am

    EmailCD has poofed altogether. He seemed really nice but too far away. Waaah.

    Also, I was just thinking about how the past few days/week or so, when I think of something I need or want, it’s been APPEARING in some form or another. It’s so weird!

    I even had an opportunity taken away from me that I had committed to, I was feeling a lil blah about it, and I got offered an exact replacment for it!!!! And even better!!!!

    Weird and mysterious and lovely and thankful and inspiring. I was happy today.

  292.  #292Emerson on February 28, 2012 at 12:03 am

    Daria 🙂

  293.  #293Emerson on February 28, 2012 at 12:04 am

    tomorrow I want a smoothie…I’m really into smoothies lately.

    Daria you mentioned not eating the right foods perhaps and that may be why you feel low?

    I get like that BIG TIME.

    I’ve been wanting to try to do a cleanse, but I always chicken out. I am feeling almost ready tho!!!

    Any thoughts on this sirens???

  294.  #294Daria on February 28, 2012 at 12:05 am

    ok so i talked to og and he was like its actually GOOD that that guy got back with his babymama if he did

    and im like whoa yeah actually it is!

    so i kinda got over that…

    but tturned out i was still feelin upset

    over the stuff with my SIS

    which is really just a flashlight on stuff inside ME

    when i feel like im being attacked

    well the “code’ that this guy got by talking with me is to not abandon myself and to defend myself

    its not ok to harm me no matter what or how justified


    for me i jump out my body (maybe) and into this calm “Buddha Jes*us” mode

    where im like oh its perfectly fine… IM BETTER THAN THEM>>>>

    and i can handle their agression and just buffer it and neutralize it…

    BUT THE?N AFTER I FEEL IKE A SUCKER>>> I E like i didnt honor myself!

    and it REALLY bothers me!

    a LOT!

    and i judge mysefl as weak and flawed and WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WIT H ME!

    i agressively defend my friends, thank God

    but when it comes to me i get like this weakness shutdowness and that BUddha feeling

    i know theres a gift in this

    it IS actually better to not defend

    but i want to do that in a HONROING OF ME way

    i really want to heal this

    i feel on my knees begging desperate

    and powerless to change this

    i feel tottaly powerless

    i would really like help to change this

    even this guy got it

    hes like i live by this code

    im like … i live by that code too!

    wwhich makes it all the worse for me as far as judging me

    i fele like im a weak link in my group for not standing up for me!!

    thats why they dont usually let in all peoples

    cuz some people are not strong enough and then can ttrust them to be ther for others

    i dont want to be a liability

    or a drain

    i feel like ima being a codependent drain with this thing!

    how did i get committed to being Buddha!

    well i AM committed to peace and to authenticity

    i AM committed to me

    i want this to BE healed

    i feel powerless

    i can do some more EFT about it

    im feleing frustrated about this!

    i dont want to deal with this in my life anymore


    i can do a intro session with Emily Van Horn… maybe that will help me

  295.  #295Daria on February 28, 2012 at 12:16 am

    this time maybe ill heal it…

    that would feel so powerful and gratifying

    omg its too much, life cant feel that good and tgat safe

    its not safe to feel that safe

    i dont deserve to feel that way cuz im not brave enough

    so i dont get to act or feel like im brave enough

    but i can never be brave enough! because im always not brave enough cuz i just BELIEVE im not brave enough

    i want to change this

  296.  #296Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 12:47 am


    RE: #257 – Thank you! That was a really sweet description you gave!

    Right now it just feels yucky to feel so misunderstood by Ryan. It’s like everyone else I discuss it with thinks I’m hanging onto something that isn’t there. While I’m hanging onto something that I know IS there, but Ryan is using his stance of “It’s just a friendship!” as a HUGE wall to keep himself from being vulnerable and visibly invested in a relationship that he knows means as much to him as it does to me. I can’t expect anyone else to see that, based on his words. But I know in my heart what is going on.

    It is a very hurtful wall, the wall of self-protection. It leaves my soul bare and parched.

  297.  #297Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 1:02 am

    I feel suspicious after getting a FB message from a man out of nowhere. His profile looks new; no location; no friends; little real information. I think I might leave it unanswered, at least for now.

  298.  #298Daria on February 28, 2012 at 2:10 am

    my thoughts keep wanting to go back to feel bad and obsess about Frisco CD and him in that picture with his babymom…

    BUt all i can think about it my OG patna saying “its a GOOD thing

    and im like whao it IS

    somehow it just flipped my mind to thinking its a good thing for me

    yaya 🙂

    tahnks OG magic

  299.  #299Daria on February 28, 2012 at 2:11 am

    i just feel smily!

  300.  #300Daria on February 28, 2012 at 2:39 am

    i dont want to give up my buddha stance cuz it makes me feel good like the better person

    i thimk im Better than my dad, and my mom, and more conscious and kind than my sister


    and i judge myself for it

    i want to heal this!

    i feel scared and overwhelmed


  301.  #301Daria on February 28, 2012 at 2:41 am

    that guy i talked to really inspired me as far as healing this…

  302.  #302Daria on February 28, 2012 at 2:45 am

    omg thinking of my goddaughter has me feeling sad and heartbroken… shes at the age i was when i got my heartbroken and world torn apart by coming here…

    and i think im projecting on her…

    i want to heal!

    i feel so unworthy and desperate

  303.  #303mali on February 28, 2012 at 3:19 am

    *sigh* I really need to CDCDCD… J from last week- I haven’t heard anything from him, and I feel sad. I get attached so easily!

    Whew… breathe. Mali, you are a goddess. Such a catch!!

    But that doesn’t mean he owes you anything. If the Universe wills it, it will happen =) You just keep working on you. Okay? Okay.

  304.  #304Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 4:06 am

    Memulo wrote something in #65 of one of the previous blogs (Love Yourself – Healing in LA and wherever you live) and it really spoke to me because that’s something I’m going thru myself:

    “What do I do if he tells me a lot about himself but doesn’t ask questions about me? I did ask if he wanted to know things about me and he always said yes of course, but sometimes I feel a shift that I’d like to change. Once he even told me almost out of the blue that he learns about me not only from what I tell him, but his own observations. I understand it must be true, but still it doesn’t feel right if our conversations are a lot about him and less about me.”


    So much so that I am kind of scared to talk about my own experiences with him at times because I know he will turn it around and make it about him.

    I know most people will do that, they will share about themselves when something is being said that sparks a memory but I would really like it if he didn’t do that (almost) all the time.

    However, I did state one of my boundaries this past weekend. He keeps bringing back something I did which I’m not proud of so I told him that I wish he wouldn’t talk about that anymore. I started crying and he apologized. He felt really bad about it and swore that he wouldn’t bring it up anymore.

  305.  #305Turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 4:07 am

    Brenda, I understand…. but Ryan might never get past his stance of it being just friendship, or he might meet someone else and tell you again, I said it was just friendship.

    I know my ex still cares about me, he told me he has thought about us getting back together, that he’s talked to his mom about it, (which I already knew) and I could hold on to that little hope that one day he will want to try again. That my working on me will inspire him to forgive and forget also. But I don’t believe it would do me any good to focus on that what if.

    I don’t want to keep myself in a situation where I get hurt over and over again, because of MY feelings. I’m going to accept what he told me, and walk away. I’ll never totally be away from him, but now I know I need to keep it polite and limited, rather than warm, friendly and wanting.

    Maybe someday it will be different. Maybe he will learn to let go of the pain and want to try again…. but I can’t keep myself caught up in all these emotions waiting for him to get there.

    Like I said, my house and weight loss goals can be accomplished rather quickly. I don’t feel ready to put up a profile and start dating just yet… maybe in a month or so, I’m just going to focus on my own growth and healing. I need to learn how to let go of the dream I was building up in my mind with him and to be ok to what happens next.

    Silvermoonbeam, I’m kinka in the soup right now… but once I get to know you a little better, I’ll dream up a guy for you and tell you my manifestation as soon as I get the inspiration. Hugs, and thanks for the support.

  306.  #306Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 4:11 am

    Also, he has a bad habit of repeating the same stories over and over.

    I usually smile and tell him “I know, you told me about that one already” but he keeps doing it.

    I thought of something I could do when he rambles on: I could just smile, get up, go near him, hug him and kiss him (so that he shuts up lol!) and repeat that I know the story already.

    What do you sirens think?

  307.  #307Turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 4:13 am

    Oh Francesca, I hate that…. especially when they are bad stories, I wonder why some people like to do that? To rehash and repeat?

    I like your idea though, nice positive solution!

  308.  #308Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 4:25 am

    Turq, they’re not bad stories, just stuff that happened to him at work or whatnot. Thank goodness!

    I don’t think he does it on purpose, he just doesn’t seem to remember he already talked about them. He’s usually cool with me telling him that he keeps repeating himself. I do it in a cute, charming way, of course! 🙂

    But it still bothers me…

  309.  #309Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 4:27 am

    I hate repeating myself and I’m getting annoyed by that.

    I don’t want to get annoyed.

    I want to fix that thing.

  310.  #310Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 4:32 am

    (((Lizka))), sorry about the friend you mentioned in the Love Yourself thread.

    I don’t believe you should feel guilty about what happened. It’s not your fault, it was his decision.

    But see, sometimes things happen in our life to teach us a lesson. Yours was to pledge not to judge people by their appearance, which is a step in the right direction for showing love and compassion to everyone.

  311.  #311Turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 4:41 am

    While driving my oldest to school I started thinking about all the bad stuff that happened in my marriage and during our divorce…. and some really awful things happened, and I wonder how I have been able to forgive and put it behind me? He can’t, and won’t forgive me for things that happened after he left me, but I’ve forgiven him for what happened to even lead to that…. and I feel kinda stumped by it.

    I just feel like I’ve chosen to be happy, and I had to forgive to get where I am. My anger served no purpose. My forgiveness wasn’t for him, it ws for myself. I’m feeling angry now, that he can’t see that… that he’s rather not try again for something possibly great, because of stuff that happened a long time ago… before we’ve gotten to where we are now… but I know I can’t make him change or forgive, or get to where I am.

    I was very open and honest with him last night, and I set boundaries that I intend to stick to and by. I’m glad he was honest with me too. We’ve never been able to stick to our no sex rule, but I feel a lot stronger about that one now. It’s not enough for me. I want and deserve more. I want him to be happy too… even if that means he’s with someone else. But if I’m still close to him when that happens, I’m going to get burned.

    I don’t want that.

  312.  #312Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 4:51 am


    I’m reading your story in the Love Yourself thread atm, I’m sorry you had to go thru that. Sounds really tiring.

    I’m also sorry I have no real advice to give you except to say that I believe you’re a very strong and courageous siren, you’re doing great.

  313.  #313Turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Thanks Francesca. I’m not sure what I wrote there…. but if it’s about my ex… we talked last night, we aren’t on the same page, and he can’t let go of the past, so I’m letting go. I choose happiness, no matter what… I choose happiness.

  314.  #314Turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 5:04 am

    Ok, off to start my day… and hopefully not cry at work. I’m still tearing up.

    I need to be so busy today that I don’t even have time to think about him.

    Hope you all have a wonderful day!

  315.  #315Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Yes, happiness is something I choose too.

    I’d rather be happy than being right all the time.

  316.  #316Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 5:07 am

    And yes, it is about your ex and the children fighting at home and him being out bowling and you both texting back and forth and so on…

    Woooo!!! Overwhelming!

  317.  #317Lizka on February 28, 2012 at 5:24 am

    Hi girls,

    I don’t feel comfortable on the blog lately. I’m afraid it will make me think of ATW and I avoid thinking of him for almost 2 days now…

    So I’ll right just a little and come back tonight maybe…

    My plan to have no plan is a little harder than I thought but not that much… 95% of the time I either don’t think of him or I think of him as “he won’t come back” or “I deserve better”. But 5% of the time, I am making plans in my head about what I’m gonna say or do when he’ll call. Like if he texts 3 words, I’ll text two and if he wants to come over I’ll say no I want to go out, and if it comes to sex I’ll say I want to be treaten as a princess before sleeping with someone and I haven’t felt treaten like that in the pas 2 weeks (all this in FMs of course)…

    But everytime I start thinking like this I try to channel my thoughts on something else and remind myself that I can have better, that I deserve better than what he is offering me now. Or I tell mysel he won’t come back. That way, if he calls/text, and has SOMETHING GOOD TO SAY, I’ll be warm an open… But I try very har to Set my expectation lower…

    I’m doing not too bad so far…

    I do the same thing about Dicaprio, I don’t expect him to call me again to go out after cancelling our date on Saturday night… But I have a feeling he will show up again some days… We’ll see.

    For now focus on me: I feel happy I seem to have loose the need to smole (it always happens when I start trainning a lot) and yesterday I smoked only 2 and they tasted awful. Today I want to focus on my work very hard to book a lot of meeting for the last day of the month tomorrow… Tonight I’ll go run and do some fun things for myself at night.

    Ok I’m feeling alright…

  318.  #318Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Turq – I have happy that you have now dealt with that crossroad. The forgiveness is for yourself and your growth. It definitely has freed up energy that could have remained trapped for years. At this stage in my mind the only thing that could happen is you inspiring him by working on yourself. The more you change and go on happily living your life is the more the possibility of inspiring him. The less you are focussed on him while this is happening the less the possibility anger will build or flare. I believe you could possibly get to a place that it could be boring to get into anger entaglements with him about the girls, the house etc. It would just be too boring/tiring/draining to turn you off enough to not want to go on that merry go round no matter what is happening or he is saying. That could be very inspiring. He might even find that he is boring himself to death holding on to the past. I believe a real shift will take place inside you after you finish this round of grieving which I don’t expect to be long. My best to you and I really believe you are on a great path.

  319.  #319Turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 5:44 am

    Thank you FW. I do too. I feel ok, and though I’m sad, and it will be hard to see him for awhile, I’m committed to me. To be my best self. To be happy. He may never forgive or let go…. and there is nothing I can do about it. It’s a good place to be, feeling feminine, that I can’t fix it… not am I trying to talk him into it. No pleading, no I love you and want to make you happy, all the stuff that has happened in the past. I am sooo beyond where I’ve come from with him.

    I also feel good that the last time we slept together, it was special, and memorable… and good feeling. I don’t regret what I did, and I want to close that chapter of my life on a happy note.

    It’s time for a new dream.

  320.  #320Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Re 92 Wants to be Hopeful – He is telling you that he wants to be the one to “do” the relationship. Your worrying is not helping. He wants you to be happy.

    If you had said ‘nothing” you would have been inauthentic and lying and he would have sensed it and not believe you. Myabe you could have told him that you are there with him and you feel lonely and that you don’t like feeling that way with him.

    I would really listen to him and what he says and maybe ask if he has a plan or what does he think about making things better. Getting out the house more could possibly help your mood which will eventually help him.

  321.  #321Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 5:50 am

    RE 316 Turquoise you know what I choose to believe that men are very forgiving. I would not focus on his words if I were you. It might cause you to be too hurt. If he brings it up again I would tell him “I choose to believe that you have forgiven me” and just drop it. Change the subject to something more pleasant or go focus on something that makes you happy. Some men try to pretend that they can take it or leave.

  322.  #322Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 5:56 am

    They are also better at tuning out their emotions and changing their focus because of how they were built.

    This morning I was listening to one of my favorite songs:-

    Thats where I have to go
    To see your beautiful
    Face anymore I stare at a picture of you
    And listen to the radio

    Hope, hope there’s a conversation
    We both admit we had it good
    But until then its alienation I know that much is understood,

    And I realise..

    If you ask me how I’m doing
    I would say I’m doing just fine
    I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind
    But I go out, and I sit down at a table set for two
    And finally I’m forced to face the truth

    No matter what I say I’m..
    Not over you,
    Not over you

    Damn, damn girl you do it well, and I thought you were innocent

    Took this heart and put it through hell, but still your magnificent
    I, I’m a boomerang, doesn’t matter how you throw me
    I turn around and I’m back in the game, even better than the old me

    But I’m not even close without you

    [ From: ]

    If you ask me how I’m doing

    I would say I’m doing just fine
    I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind
    But I go out, and I sit down at a table set for two
    And finally I’m forced to face the truth
    No matter what I say I’m..
    Not over you

    And if I had the chance to re-new
    You know there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do
    I could get back, on the right track
    But only if you’d be convinced
    So until then..

    If you ask me how I’m doing
    I would say I’m doing just fine
    I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind
    But I go out, and I sit down at a table set for two

    And finally I’m forced to face the truth
    No matter what I say I’m..
    Not over you
    Not over you
    Not over you
    Not over you

    Gavin DeGraw

  323.  #323Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Sun Goddess I believe you are giving him the opportunity to miss you. He might even use the time to upgrade himself so that if he comes back he will see you as higher value to him. I have heard CCarter say “don’t be afraid to lose a man. Be afraid that he won’t change”.

    BW I am happy that both you and TH got a chance to really speak your heart to each other and had a light moment after. Life is too short and I choose to believe that relationships are easy. There might need to be some conversations about difficult stuff but relationships are easy. Especially when the two people want to be in it.

  324.  #324Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 6:16 am


    RE: #302 – I agree that that is the mindset that needs to be…thus, why I recently said to him I need some time of no contact. He was acting static, and I needed to break away to pursue my future. So I took action on that.

    Then I’m not as strong as you so I went scurrying back to him.

    But all that aside, whether or not you all believe me, there is more than a man who strictly wants to be friends. He is questioning it all now, but up til now, it HAS been moving toward a serious relationship. What I’m trying to say is that he uses “just friendship” as a WALL to protect his heart. WALL. WALL. WALL. THICK wall.

    Nevermind, I’m banging my head against a WALL, and that feels ALL TOO FAMILIAR.

  325.  #325Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Men are actually simpler than we think. We women simply have certain toxic beliefs and misconceptions about them that get in the way of our understanding
    them fully.

    For instance, let’s swallow this hard fact once and for all:


    The problem with so many of us is that we tend to treat men the same way we treat our girlfriends.

    We rant to them, we tell them our problems, and we expect sympathy instead of solutions. And, yes, we expect them to behave the same way we do when
    they’re in love.

    Big mistake!

    Here’s an example — we would never act like we were some guy’s girlfriend until he made it official, right?

    Well, guys are different — they can be happily single, but go ahead and actlike your boyfriend anyway, and it wouldn’t be a big deal for them.

    Alexandra Fox

  326.  #326Hopeful on February 28, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Thanks everyone for all your comments and stories. Soaking it in right now and will respond later. But wanted to say thank you for all your thoughtful comments and stories.

  327.  #327Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 7:26 am


    I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh towards you. You are trying to help me, and you have helped me a lot in the past. I can’t expect anyone to see what I see, because R is complex and it is really hard to figure out what he is about.

    The fact remains that I need to walk away and date, and let him step up, no matter what. So I do agree with you. I just felt frustrated because I have already walked away in actuality, while I am still struggling with my attachment emotionally.

  328.  #328Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Awww…. I am so dreamy and happy.

    M just texted: ‘Dreamt about you last night, I miss your touch’

    I want to reply:

    ‘I feel all soft and open, feels nice to hear this’

  329.  #329Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Or just:

    you made me smile, I feel all soft and open to you.

  330.  #330Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:41 am


    *smiling* I feel all open and soft.

  331.  #331Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:43 am


    *blushing* I feel so open and soft now

  332.  #332Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:45 am

    So many things. What do I feel in my heart? How about:

    Awww… I feel so soft and open. smiling.

  333.  #333Memulo on February 28, 2012 at 7:47 am


    they all sound very good. It can be just a smiley also.. no big need for words

  334.  #334Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:47 am

    I answered:

    ‘Awww… I feel so soft and open. *smiling*’

    What do you Sirens think?

  335.  #335Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:49 am


    Thank you 🙂

    I was starting to feel ignored on the blog 🙁

    This was first text and contact since my last text Sunday that we wouldnt go skiing.

  336.  #336Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 7:49 am

    aWWW I feel all soft and melty inside

  337.  #337Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Siren Angel how does feeling ignored feel?

  338.  #338Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:50 am

    FM, thank you 🙂

    What do you think of 331? too much? How I felt. And I was smiling.

  339.  #339Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:53 am

    FM 334, I don’t feel ignored anymore. I was feeling ignored but mostly IMPATIENT. I apologize. Just trying to express my feelings as practice as they come up. Now I think I was mostly impatient.

    I also feel deeply for Turquoise and realize this may not be the best time for the Sirens to answer.

  340.  #340Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 7:55 am

    This is the 1st warm text from M!!! I just realized. Could it be that turning him down for skiing on Sunday actually caused him to miss me more and even dream of me?

  341.  #341Iamabutterfly on February 28, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Gush time:

    He is sooo masculine, I feel completely safe with him, he takes care of me, he makes me laugh, it is SO cute when he talks about retirement even though he is only in his late twenties, he has the most beautiful arms I have ever seen in my life, he has had his heart broken, he is sooo sensitive, I love it when he gets shy, he is humble, he adores his nieces, he is good to his mom, he respects his dad, his sisters love him, ALL women love him, he has women throwing themselves at him constantly, and yet he pays the most attention to me, he has had a crush on me since we had freshman english together, he follows me around, plays baseball, and always takes the lead.

    He is flying overseas right now and I miss him!

  342.  #342Memulo on February 28, 2012 at 8:05 am


    Told you so lol! Feeling happy for you and your discovery.

    I know, I threw a few messy posts on the blog last night and did not get comments on them.. guess these feelings are not that easy to resolve

  343.  #343Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 8:05 am


    I just want to say that you are BEAUTIFUL and STRONG. I admire how you handled it last night, and I admire your stance in this moment. You are an inspiration and I feel you so wise and trusting and open. You are a Siren we can all look up too. xx

  344.  #344Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 8:06 am

    331 is perfect if that was how you were feeling in the moment.

    I don’t think “feeling ignored” is a feeling. I would look for better words to describe how I am feeling in my body. This is basically saying “you are ignoring me” and likely to show up in your real life communciation so I would seek to change that. It might be anxiety and if so it would be good to notice what you want to do. Maybe lean forward in some way? If you are impatient it would be something to work on changing. It could signal a need to control or a habit of demanding where you might feel like grabbing someone and telling them to give you what you want? It helps when you know how you work.

  345.  #345Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 8:07 am


    I am catching up as I feel asleep with my little one real early last night!!! Which caused me to check in on the blog at 2H30 am, just to read about Turquoise. I am catching up with the all the posts now.

  346.  #346Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 8:15 am

    FW @341,

    Very insightful and definetely food for thought. I think you just pointed a finger (no bad intended) on my 2 weaknesses! Yes, I like to take center stage sometimes and when I don’t get the immediate attention, I feel bad (ignored? abandoned? insecure? anxious?). I have been a control fiend in the past at work (not personaly though).

    I felt it in my stomach, thought I’d dealt with this actually with my ‘mom, former issues… a little bit of that feeling still lingering there… abandonment. But way not as strong as it used to be.

    Thank you Feminine Woman, I have to work (tweak weaknesses) on my patterns. Thank you for pointing this out.

  347.  #347Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Brenda and Turquoise @321,

    I agree with Brenda on this one.

    Turquoise, you have history together. I am not saying to focus on him or getting him back at all. But I do not think it is necessarily over at this point.

    You had some awry text messaging going on that day, some miscommunication. I would encourage to stay open, warm and inviting. To explore and experiment as well with other options. He may just be ‘pulling away’ momentarily. I think that how you handle yourself (and you did it beautifully) will make all the difference for the future.

  348.  #348Starla on February 28, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Good morning, Sirens, there is much to be grateful for today.

    Let’s start with……..I can wear ridiculous boys skateboarding shoes to my fancy office job

  349.  #349turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Oh sirens,

    feeing overwhelmed with thoughts of him, the conversation, what I’ll say and do when I see him…. wish I really had an off switch.

  350.  #350Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Turq I believe it is okay to go over the conversation if your mind is going there. However, go over it while looking for how you felt. There might be things there that you might have missed or weren’t able to express well in the moment. Forget about planning ahead. Just trust yourself that your feelings will lead you in the moment, so hopefully you will stay out of your head.

    No you don’t have an off switch. That is why we are so powerful. Our emotions make us powerful. You might never get a chance to feel this kind of intensity again so you might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

  351.  #351Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Even if you feel like melting and crying when you see I would do that. I feel so sick sometimes of “acting” all strong and put together. Go with your feelings, just don’t beg him anything.

  352.  #352Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 8:59 am

    In Reconnect Rori talks about a woman who wrote out her speech to her guy. When she was done “reading” it she said “okay, I have to go throw up now”, and went to the bathroom. She says the guy came running after her and it just totally opened up things for them.

  353.  #353Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 9:01 am

    RE 346 I am wondering if guys can feel the feeling of overwhelm when we have those thoughts but can can’t handle them. But yet they can handle the words when they don’t feel attacked/blamed/ criticized though these words are expressing the same overwhelming thoughts.

  354.  #354Mel on February 28, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Oh Turquoise… big hugs!!

    I was just reading over a post you had written a couple days ago about just focusing on YOU and doing things that made you feel happy and healthy.

    I think sticking to this plan for yourself will do a world of good. You don’t have to give up on him, but choosing to take all of your energy away from the situation and investing it in yourself will either inspire him or allow you to just completely move on.

    Whatever happens, it will be for the best… 🙂

  355.  #355Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Although I really enjoyed spending last week with EC, it feels nice to be back in my “camp”, amongst my things, doing my own stuff, eating what I enjoy.

    Yes, it feels nice and comfy…even though I have a lot to do.

    I just came back from running some errands and it’s sunny and nice out. Such a beautiful winter day. It snowed yesterday so the day is very light and shiny.

  356.  #356Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Or is it because the energy of our thoughts block us/block them from connecting with our hearts so they can feel. And they like to feel or accept their feelings while we are afraid of our feelings.

  357.  #357Starla on February 28, 2012 at 9:04 am

    There is a beautiful view of the mountains that I catch every morning on the way to work:) The view is dynamic and reflects a different mood every day.

    I took care of myself and packed myself a healthy, goddessy lunch (well, except for the swedish meatballs, but there’s only like 4 of them:D)

    I stopped for oatmeal and a smoothie on the way to work.

    I have hot coffee:)

    Every day a wonderful man gushes uncontrollably over me, and tells me how he is the luckiest man in the world just to date me.

    My coworker is out sick today so I can post on here a bit more because he’s not looking over my shoulder:)

  358.  #358Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 9:05 am

    FW re 349

    Wow, that’s powerful!

  359.  #359Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 9:06 am

    oops! just noticed there was a new thread up – will repost my responses here! … wow already 400 posts! I thought I was caught up, but no…lol

  360.  #360Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Aha, good for you, Starla! 🙂

  361.  #361Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 9:08 am

    1219 mochaberri
    @ STS #1165 – you wrote: 9:41pm: .basically I’m just thinking about you
    …………. I don’t know how to answer this. I have been “making him right” and not sharing negative fm much because it seems right now that is not how to allow him to open to me.
    I’m feeling curious on what you mean by you have been making him right?

    Making him right.. as in not making him WRONG so much. What he does is not “wrong”, I just don’t necessarily feel good about it. However, I have had a hard time implementing feeling messages with MILW. In the beginning he took it as being “manipulative” – however he also saw my crying as manipulative, or anything else I did. He is a very socially smart person, and some people ARE very calculating and manipulative, but I am the most genuine person you’ll ever meet, honestly is important to me and I would vomit before I gave someone a compliment I didn’t mean. If there is something that gets my blood boiling it is someone not believing I’m telling the truth. Or, someone not telling the truth to me!
    I have had better success with the feeling messages now –
    But.. MILW and I have not had the best time for a while now, and it has escalated to very upsetting communications.. where I ended up crying more often than not, and he wanted out. I was VERY upset at first, but then I realized that as much as I don’t like the feeling of taking so many steps back, I can just start where we are right now, and be grateful for the time he CHOOSES to spend with me, and the things about him that I DO like –
    You get more of whatever you focus your energy on – even if it’s what you don’t want, you’re still giving it energy by saying ‘no’… so instead of point out what feels bad to me all the time (because A LOT of things were feeling awful), I decided to let some of it go. I still do say “it’s great to see you – I felt sad /scared last night at home without you” etc, or in a conversation if he really snaps at me or something I will say “that felt bad” or “I felt bad because I didn’t know you didn’t want baby to play with that, and now I feel like you’re upset with me, I need a hug”.. etc.
    BUT, for the most part, I work at sharing positive feeling messages instead – what I want more of. Trying to make the ratio far more positive than negative feeling messages. Also if you have ever heard of the 20:1 ratio, you want 20 “good” interactions for every 1 “bad” one.
    So ..positive messages: I really appreciate you watching the baby, he feels so happy when you’re home, it helped so much that you could be with him while I was working, ohhh your dada is taking care of you buying you new shoes!!, (when he’s standing there), It feels GREAT to not have to cook and clean up tonight, I was so exhausted already, and I feel so satisfied, the food is so good (when he takes me out to eat), the house feels SO clean, it feels wonderful!!!! (especially since he helped with it this time!! :D) … last night I looked at him with a smirk, thinking about practicing turning on my sexual goddess self, I almost felt self conscious and stopped but instead I stopped thinking about anything, except what I wanted to focus on…he noticed, and he asked me, “what?!???” I said…………..nothing..!! … I just love your lips!! And he smiled!!!! “what, these dry old things”?? 😀 lol

    So, Making Him Right,
    By way of not making him wrong for what I don’t like so much, (using negative feeling messages more often for things that are important or that are bothering me a lot — OR, if sharing it would make a very minimal impact- because it was very minor.) …
    Instead giving him gratitude for what he does that I LOVE! And hopefully the other things will fall into place.
    I’ve been thinking about negative feeling messages, and sharing them only when I must – thinking about how when you SEE the words “sad, angry, etc – it can put you in a bad mood – … same when you hear these words. So instead I’d like to use more positive messages.
    Also, Making Him Right by….not arguing with him.
    When he says “I should leave/hang up” I say “Ok!”
    When a while back he was upset that I wanted him to drive to pick baby and I up for dinner (which.. is normal….)…and he said “Fine! Maybe we should just do this another time!” I didn’t argue with him, I said “Okay! Bye!” and hung up! (and he called me back. <3
    When he was sharing his feelings, (this is new!!!!!!!) he called me “possessive” the other day… ?! .. I didn’t argue, I didn’t even share a feeling message, I just told him he’s right – I do feel protective of my relationship and my family. If that’s what he calls possessive, he’s right, and I agree- and I don’t feel bad about it one bit – I feel good about it. lol. If he had a “possessive” woman, he’d be in a whole other boat… lol. And since I just agreed, there wasn’t anything to argue about….. not that he was trying to start an argument, the past it could’ve turned into one – often when I find myself having to “defend” myself, it somehow gets turned into an argument. Not anymore!
    Another thing that came up – was when he noticed how much appreciation I was giving him – he said it felt good, and that he felt like he couldn’t do anything right!!!! …
    I’m just feeling my way through all this, but whatever it is that I’m doing, it’s working!
    Basically I’m just mirroring him, agreeing with him, even if I don’t like it, it doesn’t mean he’s wrong, it just means I don’t like it, but I’m gonna keep on riding and he can stay on my horse and come along for the ride if he wants to!

    Hope you are able to glean some information from this. It is still morning, and I am not feeling very clear yet! 🙂

  362.  #362Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 9:08 am

    1125 Brenda –
    WHO IS TARZAN??? All of a sudden I saw your post talking about “our furniture” etc.. is this in your house or his? I must have seriously missed something, because I always read your messages talking about Kenny and Ryan, but suddenly there’s a Tarzan in your house moving your furniture around. lol!

    1126 Brenda – Rori encourages us to use this space as a personal growth journal! So it helps me to think of it that way, like I am just writing in my journal, and it doesn’t really matter if anyone reads it or not.”””

    Yes, same here. It helps me to process it and think it through.
    “Going to her once a week felt like lightweight stuff, because how much can I cover in one hour a week? These women have become like a safe place for me to go any time of the day or night! “
    I agree! <3
    “Now I just write freely, praying that nothing ever comes back to bite me. It is a pretty vulnerable thing, after all”
    lol same here….

  363.  #363Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 9:09 am

    1228 Butterfly Wings
    “”””He says he thinks I’m being unreasonable because his friends are just friends – even the female ones and I just have to deal with it.
    So it went from him saying he’ll come and get all of his stuff this weekend to he’ll be staying at his house a few nights a week from now on.
    I have made it clear that I will now start going out with my male friends since I’ve been turning them down for months now. “””

    Hmm. L
    I may have missed some posts. You feel uncomfortable with his female friends… what is making you uncomfortable? Is he going out with them without you? Are they friends with you? Do they seem only interested in him? Or interested in him as more than friends? Do they flirt? Is he hiding his communication with them?

    I would feel uncomfortable too if they never invited me..

    1129 Mali –
    ugh for me its worst in the daytime…sometimes I feel really lonely at night, but sometimes the day is worse! At night I can get into a dreamier place and zone out more..

    In the daytime I feel the stress of so much to do and feel anxious doing it all on my own sometimes.

  364.  #364Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Starla, ♥345

  365.  #365Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Silver-Tongued Siren,

    LOL, I just made up Tarzan the other day to be like Sweetie is to SLV and Silver Moonbeam! 🙂 He’s my imaginary lover who is everything and does everything I wish a lover would do! So I am pretending that he lives with me and we do everything together! LOL! I WISH! 🙂

  366.  #366Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 9:30 am

    These two stories from another thread seem so relevant I thought I would repost here:-

    AnitaXoXo says:
    Dear Rori –
    Thank you so much for sharing your amazing knowledge and expirience….
    I also have a situation that I would love some help on. I have been in a relationship with this man for a year and feel totally frustrated. I see him a lot actually, yet i feel like he is completely shut down about his life and seem to not to have any interest about whats going on in mine. SO basically I feel very lonely being in a relationship. I expressed my needs (such as need to hear from him, keep our dates etc) He appologizes and changes for about 3 days and then we go back to the same. I started to doubt myself and feeling unlovable. I am also not enjoying being a wicked witch who does a lot of convincing and nagging. I never used to be this!
    So after another dissapointment ( he promised to come to my best friends bday party and was a no show) I finally broke up with him. I told him how I felt and that I had no desire to be in the relationship where i wasnt loved and appriciated. He expressed his appriciation for what we had and we parted. then he started calling me and texting and emailing, telling me how much he misses me and wants me back. So i gave in. We had dinner and we talked and yet over the weekend he was back to drinking and partying with friends. And I spent the whole weekend obsessing over this situation. I could not let go of the thought that I dont know where i stand with him and had tromendous difficulty focusing on ME. I feel drained and depressed. He also said “I deeply care about you but can not promise you anything about the future. I cant say I LOVE YOU unless I really mean it. A year isnt enough to know..” And it triggers a need to FIX the situation and makes me doubt myself a lot. I hate feeling at HIS mercy, he is also very young (28) yet I feel stuck in this. I am looking forward to the TOXIC MEN program getting here. Because this is really affecting my ability to look for work. I truly feel like i have given up on myself and the life that i desire to have. Thanks Rori!!!

    Rori Raye says:
    Anita, Welcome, and you have to drop this man and cut him off from contact. He’ll do what he has to to grab you back – but he won’t change. Please CD and move on – pain and all! Love, Rori

    1. Hello Rori,
    I have been in a relationship with the same man for almost 5 years. We live together and neither of us is interested in marriage. We have a domestic partnership. I love him and he’s a sweet guy, but lately it seems like I am doing all of the work. I have to initiate sex, he rarely tells me he loves without me saying it first, and I am always the one to go in for a kiss. I even feel like I have to make all of the decisions. So I decided to take your advice and lean back and stop “doing” everything. Instead of taking charge, nothing is happening and he actually has started to ask me if anything is wrong and if I am mad at him. Instead, I am a plant that is always thirsty wanting to be watered and things have just started to feel even more lonely and awkward. I am tired of waiting and we are looking to move to a new apartment soon, but I am starting to wonder if I should give up and look for my own place. I’m very distraught and I am tearing up right now at the thought of living without him in my life anymore. Can you please help me Rori? What should I do?

    Rori Raye says:
    Kate – You have to TALK to him! You have to start expressing yourself! Get help here on how to do it – this is total “Love Scripts.” What did you say when he asked you if anything was wrong and if you’re mad? “I’m feeling lonely and missing the romance. I’ve discovered that unless I initiate things, nothing happens, and I miss all our closeness, but don’t want to be the initiator. I’m just a girl here and it doesn’t feel romantic to me to always initiate affection and sex. What do you think we can do so we’re both happy?”

  367.  #367Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Memulo and Francesca,

    RE: #301 – Here is how I have come to handle it when someone dominates the conversation. I let them talk, and I not only listen, I focus on their eyes. I study their eyes. I watch their eye movement, all the while pairing it with what they are saying, what they may be feeling and thinking in conjunction with what they are saying.

    If a man is sensitive, he will pick up on it after an hour or so that he is dominating the conversation. If he is less sensitive, I say, “I like to have a two-way conversation.”

    My worst incident ever was at a picnic with a man who I already knew talked a blue streak. I said the above, and he just kept talking. I repeated it firmly, almost angrily. He just kept talking. I walked away while he was talking! That is rare when a man is THAT insensitive!

    But all in all, what attracts me to Ryan the very MOST< is that he is an A M A Z I N G listener! I read a quote that being listened to is so closely associated with feeling loved that the two are almost indistinguishable!

    So I have cultivated my listening skills, using Ryan as my role model. And that is what he does. His COMPLETE focus is on me when we talk! He studies my eyes! If I say, "I didn't like seeing that," for example, he won't just rush on in conversation, or move to a new topic. He will ask, "What do you mean?"; typically followed by, "Why not?"; and he will go deeper and deeper with questions until he knows how I feel and what I think about a topic to the very depths of my heart and mind! I love it!

    It really does feel delicious when someone is so interested in you! He made a study of me! He watches every move, every expression, every eye movement!

    Just to give you an idea, when he stayed here overnight two times recently, both times he was totally attentive to me when I was on the computer. He was laying down across the living room, and instead of just being in his own thoughts or watching TV, he was watching me.

    He asked, "What are you doing?" then "Who are you writing to? Are you emailing? Are you talking about me? Do you do this often? How much are you on the computer?"

    And this is just one example of one moment in time. He leaves me thinking about my own words and behavior, which is therapeutic to me, much like a therapist. And then I become aware of things like, "Wow, he was at my house and maybe he felt neglected, because I was on the computer doing my routine while he was sitting there by himself."

    Anyway, I got off on a tangent. I have taken this type of deep, deep listening and done my best to make it an every day part of my life, listening to others at that level. When people are listened to, they feel significant and understood. It is a glorious feeling!

    And what I realize is that most people don't feel listened to. Most people are craving an audience. So I think that's why some men tend to dominate the conversation.

    As I have practiced this with various friends, men and women, I have found that over time, the pace of conversation slows down. I am listened to more intently. For example, my Mom used to be a chronic interrupter, totally insensitive to me. Over years now, we have a very nice two way conversation, and I never feel interrupted.

    So I think it takes time to grow.

  368.  #368Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 9:51 am

    MILW arrived yesterday to be with baby while I had a client appointment. He didn’t take baby out this time, instead he stayed home. 🙂

    My client was nearly an HOUR late – and she gave me enough of a ‘tip’ to make it my regular rate.

    After this MILW worked his computer (I didn’t ask, I just got busy) moving files to the external harddrive, but it wouldn’t work – he did this for an hour or two while I cleaned up the closet, where I dumped all the clothes from the bedroom, and a huge box of shoes, when we were cleaning for photographs the other morning. –

    Mainly because it has been that way all weekend and MILW needed to get into the closet. He didn’t ask me to clean it, he said offhandedly more to himself, “but I need clothes, well maybe I can get something together here…” I said “……. _maybe_ you can get something together here?!?!! lol – (he has a LOT of clothes)… and he said “well, the closet is kind of a mess”.. and yeah I couldn’t find any of my clothes either (mainly cause they were all in that pile lol).. so I cleaned it up.

    when I came back, he asked if I wanted to go eat!
    I said that sounded GREAT, I had forgotten I was starrrving. So I changed my clothes (now being able to find them 🙂 and we went out to a little place he had a groupon for. He always buys groupons…and tells me how much we have (and since we HAVE been living together ALL the time til recently, and we usually go out frequently to eat, I don’t mind that he tries to save money, in fact, I like that he tries to be smart with his money – he spends a LOT of it, esp on going out to events, bars, going out to eat, etc. But, he is a *great* shopper – he always looks for what’s on sale, and is always proud of how much he saved! and he buys groupons and all this together helps us get to go out a lot more than we would otherwise!)

    He tells me “ok, our groupon is for $__”. I say ok, but he usually lets us go over a few dollars, anyway. I try to stay within budget, and last night I said “hmm I may order the veggie tacos instead of shrimp ($3 less) so I can order a margarita. He asked the waitress if our groupon covered the drinks she was telling us about, she said no, and he ordered a beer and asked if I wanted a drink. He suggested I order one veggie taco and one shrimp taco, even though it would cost more – and that I upgrade my order with fries even though it cost another dollar. Small expense, I think we went over by ten dollars but he was making me happy and THAT all that’s important. 🙂

    While we were there, our baby decided to leave us for the next table. lol. After they left, he didn’t want to sit, he wanted to run around. I got up to get him a few times but MILW got up more than I did, and let him run around, and just followed him.. so I could eat!! 😀

    We came home and went to bed. He asked me to put him in my mouth and I touched him but instead I discussed a couple things with him (hmm just realized i forgot something i wanted to say) and suggested we get tested again.. he said.. hm yeah i guess it’s been a year since we got tested- I reminded him we went six months ago. anyway it sounded like he agreed that we should go get tested if I wanted to.

    He rolled over on his tummy, not mad or anything, but seemed ok with having sex or not having sex.. even though he wanted to. And I told him come here!! and started touching him again..he loved it, and I said I wished I knew what it felt like to be him!! he smiled.. he told me he had groomed himself and made himself very smooth and wanted to know did I like it, what did it feel like, etc. (i loved it, and made him feel good about it, I hope). I told him it felt like rose petals.. and truffles..melty dark chocolate.. delicious. We had sex and then went to sleep.

    And he cuddled and caressed me allllllllllllllllllll night!! I love that!!!!

    this morning he got up and showered, he was irritated his phone did not charge last night (after we let baby play with it, but plugged it back in!)…and went to work on his computer more, … I didn’t know yesterday but I guess it didn’t work either – …gah frustrating. He plugged his phone back in too and when he left it still hadn’t charged!! ughh. .. so his morning started out sort of frustrating for him. he asked if there was anything to eat, to go – i named three things, he asked for one, cause he didn’t have enough time for the others, and I think he was feeling stressed, in a hurry, frustrated… in a hurry.. he felt irritated once I think when he had to repeat what he said bc I didn’t hear it.. but he did take time to say bye and kiss the baby (and me!) so the baby would at least be aware of him leaving (otherwise he will always worry we will just disappear and be on edge ALL the time). We walked out the front door and found the front porch light messed up! grr. I hope his day gets better. Tuesdays are usually long for him. meeting in the morning, then lunch for a few hours (some of which he’ll be working probably) and then other job til evening.

  369.  #369Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 9:52 am

    This is what I just texted to Ryan:

    I feel misunderstood. I have tried to talk to you about this many times in many ways over a long period of time. I understand right now you are very upset at me. Ok, what I have been trying to say is that I see “friendship” as a wall, a very thick wall, and you have hid behind it for safety many times for a long time. I have felt exposed, parched, and deeply hurt by that wall, which has impaled my heart like a weapon many times over.

  370.  #370Starla on February 28, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Brenda, I must have missed something…I thought you swore off contact with Ryan?

  371.  #371LoveAlways on February 28, 2012 at 10:01 am


    Just read what happened. While it is the beginning of the end, it seems that you and your ex were given a chance to reconnect so you can separate and function on a better level for your girls. You can practice your tools on him still, you just need to let your heart heal from the intimate connection.

  372.  #372Healing Waterfall on February 28, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Hi Sirens!
    I am changing my name, this is Liz. I want to feel like I am soothing and exciting and flowing like a healing waterfall!

    I had such a great time CD’ing myself last night. I drove to the lake and watched the sunset, it felt so incredible watching the sun slip away. Then I went to Barnes and Noble and wrote my quiz and read a copy of The Vortex, which some sirens here have been talking about.
    I really loved what they said. How to stay in the vortex where the man, the relationship you want is:
    so today and last night, I have been consciously ramping up the appreciation factor of what I have liked, so the universe can bring me more of what I like instead of what i am afraid of.
    I feel so happy appreciating that I had a nice phone call with accountantCD yesterday. I feel so intruiged by the email from a newCD yesterday. I feel taken care of by these men. It feels light and powerful at the same time.
    Thank-you sirens for introducing me to this vortex it feels so fun to shift my thoughts from i wonder if he will call me again to i really liked that when he called I liked what we talked about, it was fun.

  373.  #373Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Also, BF texted me this morning… (… he knows I like to make plans in advance and has stepped up ever since I mentioned it)..(he seems to inform me of these plans on tuesdays…. interesting).

    So, he was here the wknd before Vday. When we visited his fam, his dad said “yup vday is on tuesday, now you know, no excuses!!!” (to us, and his brother-in-law and sister). and I felt a “cringe” in the room. hmm. what’s up with that? I know he thinks he isn’t a good gift giver but comeonnnn.

    we did nothing special for Vday. On Valentine’s, he texted me in the morning, wishing me a happy Vday and he wished he could be here. But no call or anything else. No plans for celebrating later. nothing.

    He also got my email that day..
    after our wknd visit when I brought up starting to feel uncomfortable and wanting to be sexually exclusive (… as I suspected, he has been having sex with someone else lately, or he let me believe so.) and he didn’t say anything about it much.
    but he got the idea that it was important, because he asked if he could take a banana to remember me by and I said he better, he might NEED it 😉 😉 lol – I made my point. And then he got my email, which I would have preferred arrive another day, but oh well, asking about what his intentions were when he asked me to move in with him twice- did that include sexual exclusivity, moving toward marriage (since he knows that’s what I want – even though he is not sure he wants to get married).

    he hasn’t answered.
    he called two days later, Friday, for an hour.
    he messaged me the next Monday and Tuesday.

    Saying he wouldn’t be up that wknd, he broke his lease (bad landlord) and would be looking for a place to live. etc. very short.

    2 days later he found a place to rent. (he posted on FB)

    So it’s been a week, since I’ve heard anything at all.. he texted me this morning
    “Been thinking about you and baby a lot lately. Hope everything is going great there. Moving tonight and tomorrow night. Still have to find someone to fix my car, so I probably won’t be able to come see y’all this weekend. 🙁 ”

    …. again, me not sure how to answer a text from a man. lol.

    “It’s good to hear from you”? … I am a little bit mad. I don’t even care to text him back honestly. I don’t want a text, I want a call. I want a vday gift. I want an answer to my email! lol.

    I guess I will say “we’re doing great, everything is wonderful, thanks!”.. … that seems so short.. maybe I should preface it with “good to hear from you”..

    honestly I have nothing to say.. I feel .. uninterested right now. .. I mean, I am not really even interested in seeing him right now. I feel pretty good right now… i feel guilty though, because baby needs him around too. But i feel uninterested at this moment. hmm.

  374.  #374Radiant Rising on February 28, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Silver Moonbeam, Hugs to you my lovely siren. Hang in there and know you are 1000 percent innocent. Be patient with yourself, and it is totally okay to cry and release that. Be with all of your feelings, whatever they are. Embrace them, and know it is all part of the process. Anytime you want to talk, feel free to holler.

  375.  #375LoveAlways on February 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Silver tongue siren

    I loved your post about not dwelling on negative feeling messages – it was very inspiring

  376.  #376Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 10:25 am

    and I think the reason I am not saying “i’m disappointed about no vday celebrating or no response to my email… or…etc..” is that he already knows this, I think.

    and i’m not sure how much i want a response to that email anyway. and if he wants to respond, he will.

    and I’m just feeling not so interested right now.

  377.  #377Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 10:28 am

    364 brenda –

    “LOL, I just made up Tarzan the other day to be like Sweetie is to SLV and Silver Moonbeam! 🙂 He’s my imaginary lover who is everything and does everything I wish a lover would do! So I am pretending that he lives with me and we do everything together! LOL! I WISH! 🙂 ”

    ROFL – OOhhhh!!!! I need one of these guys too!!! lol I never even caught that Sweetie was not an actual man.. hahaha!! hmmm I need to think of a good name!

  378.  #378lk on February 28, 2012 at 10:32 am

    even angelina has her less-sireny moments ? lol:

    “Why was the U.N. Goodwill Ambassador thus proffering that alarmingly bony limb? Was she, like Hansel in the fairy tale, trying to prove to her captor witch that she’s not yet fat enough to eat? I don’t like to go ad feminam on performers’ bodies—that’s what got us into this anorexia mess in the first place—but Jolie looked unhealthy and sad to me, and the leg-jut seemed like an uncharacteristic plea for attention, sexual and otherwise. I miss the enigmatic Jolie of yore, with her slightly plusher frame and air of feline self-sufficiency.”

    slate’s dana stevens on the oscars

  379.  #379lk on February 28, 2012 at 10:34 am

    “feline self-sufficiency” = sirenness to me : )

  380.  #380lk on February 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

    i was curious to know if lady gaga was still famous so i googled her. she’s “headlining” harvard today, along with oprah winfrey. so i guess she’s still pretty famous.

    i was wondering yesterday about yoko ono. she’s still famous, but no one cares about her or what she’s doing. lame. i think she kind of “inherited” john lennon’s fame, though, so i guess “she” is not famous at all ? lame lame lame. i don’t like john lennon very much (a bit of a womanizer in my opinion), but i love to read yoko’s tweets.

  381.  #381Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 10:49 am


    RE: #367 – Yes, I did. I ended it. Within days, I was crazy texting him. And I buried it. Just giving my dying kicks.

    I love my weak parts.

  382.  #382Starla on February 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

    yoko ono supported his womanizing. She even picked out a lover for lennon…

  383.  #383Starla on February 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Brenda, do you have his phone number memorized? Could you just delete it? Or try to replace his phone number with a different thing to memorize?

    i replaced my ex’s number with my student id number in my brain, lol

  384.  #384Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 10:55 am


    RE: #374 – I agree about how skeletal Angelina Jolie looked. It was scary-skinny.

  385.  #385Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I felt a huge release when I sent that text. I have been thinking about its wording since last night, as I watched a version of beauty and the beast which was quite fascinating.

    It feels very promising that he has not responded (yet). That tells me that I finally was successful in conveying what I have been trying to get across to him.

  386.  #386Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 11:01 am


    I forgot to add –

    I do still share SOME negative feeling messages, as I said, just trying to keep the ratio on the side of POSITIVE.

    Another way to do it is, I look for opportunities to turn negative feeling messages INTO positive ones, thereby adding to the positive ratio.. ;D

    For example..

    I really feel unhappy that he isn’t home ALL the time, baby needs him. I may share a negative feeling message at first

    (this feels awful. baby is NOT doing well. he is on edge all the time, I feel overwhelmed, he needs my attention constantly and I feel like I can’t get things done!)

    (or sometimes I leave that out entirely!..)

    and then express great gratitude good fm for everything he DOES do for baby (and giving him the credit doesn’t hurt either-) “it feels so good when baby is happy, he has felt so much more confident and secure since you’ve been home so much lately, or it feels so good when you’re home with baby (something I want him to do MORE of, and ***he has done it a tiny bit if he’s here for even a few minutes.*** right!? it may not be as MUCH as I want, but it’s some, and if I can get SOME, I then have an opportunity to FEEL GOOD about it, so I can get MORE. 🙂

    ALSO, I wanted to mention about “agreeing”/making him right –

    like when I “agreed” with him calling me possessive by saying “you’re right, I am protective of our relationship and family”…

    not only does this keep us from arguing, because ideally you can use it as a compliment to yourself, to highlight a good quality (and even if he doesn’t think it is one, I am quite confident that I am quite healthy anyway.

    They can feel my “possessiveness” all they want, I am not a crazy jealous possessive woman like he attempted to make out in that comment. at all. stating what someone has done, or no longer considering someone a friend after their CLEAR continuation of unloving behavior and refusal to talk or be anything other than purely manipulative.. or being *normally* affectionate with my partner… etc. …come on.

    I have finally learned that DEFENDING myself to him only gets us into an argument, somehow… maybe by my defending and his attacking, it ends up escalating my feelings of hurt and anger, and he doesn’t like my fast or loud voice?… yes.. it doesn’t end well!

    So no more defending. Either make it into a compliment to yourself or express how it feels and walk away if needed. And when he comes back doing nice things, let him know it still feels bad, and let him fix it.

    AND, I have learned that with comedy, in improv, when you are making up scenarios as you go… that it ALWAYS works if you AGREE.

    whatever the other person says, you don’t say “oh that won’t work..” you AGREE and allow it to become outrageous and silly and completely creative and unrealistic if you have to – in fact, that’s better- … but if you don’t agree, sometimes it stops the scenario dead in it’s tracks and you can’t make another move. If you agree, it continues to work!

    In the same way, for example, defending myself shuts him down, I think, whereas agreeing may allow him to remain open.

    I wish I could come up with an illustration!
    I’m not sure exactly how this applies to “making him right” but it came to mind and seems like it could be applied to relationships in some way, more than what I just mentioned.

  387.  #387Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 11:04 am


    RE: #379 – I tried that over and over in 2009. I have his number well memorized, LOL! Plus several of my friends have it! 🙂 I am doing FAR better in not texting him indiscriminately. If you saw my texts to him in 2009, you would probably feel appalled!

    I realized too late that after I initiated “No Contact” (NC), that I had been holding my breath emotionally speaking, and tiptoeing on eggshells. So after I did that, the old overfunctioning Brenda kicked in, and I was off to the races!

    But I am back under control now. I really thought about this text long and hard, as I said, since last night. So I still felt good sending it when the exact working gelled in my mind.

    It really does have to be a thing of self-dsicipline. And Emmie helped me to see it in a positive light, that I am giving him a big space to breathe, and that is a delightful thing to him that helps him. And, I am all about helping Ryan and giving him delight.

    Then during the night, I thought of it this way, piggy-backing off of Emmie’s thought: I can think of him as sleeping, emotionally. If he was at my house sleeping, I wouldn’t wake him up. Even if I was excited to tell him something. I would hold it until he was awake.

    So, other than this last, well-placed text, I think I am okay to not text now, thinking of him as asleep and resting.

  388.  #388Starla on February 28, 2012 at 11:06 am

    “It feels very promising that he has not responded (yet). That tells me that I finally was successful in conveying what I have been trying to get across to him.”

    was he texting you after you told him no more contact?

    i’m not sure how you can convey that you don’t want to be in touch by maintaining contact.

    i feel like i must have missed something. but this blog is here for you so you can direct your energy here instead of self destructive patterns like contacting him.

  389.  #389Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 11:08 am

    LK and Starla,

    Sounds like John and Yoko had a polyamorous agreement then? That is often how they operate at sex clubs. They agreeably share partners.

  390.  #390Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

    371 Love Always.

    Thank you so much, I’m glad someone found something good in it! 🙂

  391.  #391Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 11:23 am


    RE: #83 – “In Reconnect Rori discourages women from talking about your men with your girlfriends. She says look for women who are in successful relationships and connect with them instead. Most of our girlfriends are struggling in their own relationships anyway.”

    So that means we all should not be on the blog, LOL! 🙂 But seriously, I do my best to be sensitive to my friends. Sometimes I even ask them, “Are you okay with this? Am I burdening you too much?” And I count on them to share their boundaries with me. When a friend reassures me that they don’t mind and can handle it, then I trust that they don’t mind and can handle it.

  392.  #392Daria on February 28, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Stuff I’m liking : I feel pleased by the effort you made

    She won’t wait for anyone

  393.  #393lk on February 28, 2012 at 11:25 am

    in the ashram. After two weeks Lennon asked to sleep in a separate room, saying he could only meditate when he was alone,[114] but walked down to the local post office every morning to see if he had received a telegram from Ono, who sent one almost daily. Cynthia found out about these secretive trips much later, saying: “I had thought our magical interlude with the Maharishi would be the making of our marriage – but in reality it just presaged the end”.[115] Paul Saltzman later published a book of photographs, The Beatles in Rishikesh,[116] showing Lennon deep in thought, and Cynthia’s confused expression.[117] Despite the alienation from Lennon, she later spoke about her time there, saying: “I loved being away from the fans, hordes of people, deadlines, demands and flashing cameras”.[115]
    [edit] Divorce

    During the flight back to England,[113] Lennon got very drunk on scotch and coke and confessed that he had been involved with other women during their marriage.[118] He went on to detail his liaisons with groupies, friends (such as Joan Baez, and journalist Cleave), and “thousands” of women around the globe.[119] Although not wanting to hear Lennon’s confession, she knew women were attracted to him, “like moths to a flame”.[120]

    She arrived back at Kenwood from Greece earlier than expected, at four o’clock on 22 May 1968,[122] to discover Lennon and Ono sitting cross-legged on the floor in matching white robes, staring into each others eyes,[123] and then found Ono’s slippers outside the Lennons’ bedroom door.[124]

    When the news broke that Ono was pregnant, Cynthia started her own divorce proceedings against Lennon on 22 August 1968.[132] The financial settlement was hampered by Lennon refusing to offer any more than £75,000,[133] telling her on the phone, “That’s like winning the pools, so what are you moaning about? You’re not worth any more.”[134]

    norwegian wood & the story from the biography i tried to read where yoko sent the woman as an escort to keep him in line, not to cheat with him ? all makes me feel sad : (

  394.  #394Senior Lady Vibe on February 28, 2012 at 11:25 am

    @271: Silver Moonbeam says
    “…I have decided to give up Atkins as I miss some foods too much so am in a bit of a dilemma what to do now…”

    You might like the Suzanne Somers books. The way of eating is overall low carb but you get all the food groups. And so fabulous too! Not “diet food.” I mentioned this a while ago so hope I’m not like Francesca’s CD… LOL

    “…my stuff was supposed to come by UPS from Australia yesterday, all I have left of my life in Oz all 8 boxes including my TV…”

    Sounds like me. I had all my stuff in boxes too, EXACTLY that way; I took them out of storage a year ago but some boxes are still unsorted in closet. I didn’t set up my favorite little TV until this Christmas…

    “…Hope I didn’t rain on anybody’s parade…”

    You didn’t rain on mine. I admire you for creating your happiness and exploring new things.

  395.  #395Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 11:28 am


    #384 – Thank you, but I haven’t felt very emotionally safe on here. We were both texting extensively in the past week. No, you didn’t miss anything. I just didn’t talk about it.

  396.  #396Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Check out MediFast. It is very comparable to Dr. Atkins. It is high protein and vegetables mostly. Plus their prepared “meals” – of 110 calories each. I felt FANTASTIC on that program, and I lost 15 lbs my first two weeks.

    I have been dying for my unemployment to get straightened out, and it STILL isn’t, after 4 months. Because the only thing holding me back from getting back on that is a lack of money.

  397.  #397Starla on February 28, 2012 at 11:38 am

    lol ok whatever brenda, nevermind then. you may resume whatever it is that you’re doing then *shrugs*

  398.  #398turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 11:45 am

    I feel disappointed, and kinda hollow.

  399.  #399Daria on February 28, 2012 at 11:47 am

    I love the icy hot feeling of fear on my back

    I love the churning in my tummy

    I love the limpness sweatiness and tingling

    And feeling my knees soften

    I love the softening of my knees

  400.  #400Starla on February 28, 2012 at 11:48 am

    *fills your hollow self up with jelly beans*

  401.  #401Daria on February 28, 2012 at 11:50 am

    This is the beginning of my feeling comfortable with terror and fear

  402.  #402Starla on February 28, 2012 at 11:50 am

    brenda my 393 was a delayed post and out of context probably seems rly weird, sorry!

  403.  #403lk on February 28, 2012 at 11:54 am

    i just smelled a smell …. & i was like, what is that ? & then i smelled what my family smells like – my husband & my baby & the warm marriage bed : ) wow i feel teary

  404.  #404LoveAlways on February 28, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I feel wonderful.

    CD song said “you know I care about you baby”
    and I could feel it as he said it. I was wrapped up in it and pulled to the clouds just for a few seconds as my breath caught in my throat. I exhaled and my heart was beating so fast and I felt dizzy just for a minute or so.

    Yes, I was surprised. I just said I care about you too. I could think of nothing else to say, no feeling messages, just the truth. I try to do that more often now – speak genuinely if I don’t have a feeling message.

    And it was such a very different feeling than when CD assertive said “I’m falling in love with you” and from CDdj’s “love you”.

    I know I’m supposed to keep CDing and to lean back and receive the love – but I don’t want to hurt anybody, know what I mean?

  405.  #405Brenda on February 28, 2012 at 11:59 am


    I have been going thru deep changes. I feel really good about my growth and the rate thereof. 🙂 I love me.

    I love you, too, even tho you’re a brat! 😉

  406.  #406Starla on February 28, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    I miss CF who is an hour away now, but can I tell you ladies a secret?

    I think I love it. I love having time and space to myself.

    Time to study, time to clean, time to work out, time to cook, time to relax…..

    And when I was with MyGuy, I got very clear on my vision and desire of wanting a man that i only saw a couple times a week with plans, and that i spent all my other time focusing on em or CDing if I choose. I envisioned that we’d spend a couple days a week together until he missed me so frequently and intensely that he just had to marry me, so we could be in the same home and be together.

    And I got what I wanted, up to this point.

    But it was hard to adjust to it. When it came, I felt dread for what I wished for.

  407.  #407LoveAlways on February 28, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Hi Brenda!
    Re your # 338

    I was just discussing this very same thing on the blog yesterday! I believe the blog is the perfect place to discuss our men because we all have a common goal and are using common tools to achieve it. I am always grateful for help with scripting and insight on my leaning forward. Sometimes it just helps to read what other sirens are going through. I don’t see any “failures” here on the blog – only works in progress (yes, I’m feeling better now, got my positive swagger back!!)

    Now, if our non-siren girlfriends could grasp/accept the concept, then the problem would be lessened!

  408.  #408lk on February 28, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    i just feel lucky lucky lucky today

  409.  #409Starla on February 28, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Brenda, I apologized for the inadvertent confusion, but I still don’t want to be called names.

  410.  #410Starla on February 28, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    lk, me too! i feel overwhelmed with positivity and possibility and love and understanding and despite all the yucky stuff i went through with cf, i feel even stronger love for me and himself and i’ve never had that in my whole life ever before.

  411.  #411lk on February 28, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    the reason i don’t want to talk about my man with girlfriends is i don’t want to be tempted to Complain. i’m very lucky & i don’t want to miss a moment of appreciation & i know it’s tempting to Vent when the Crowd is Venting

  412.  #412lk on February 28, 2012 at 12:11 pm


    somehow, the “bad” makes the Good so much “better” right ? cr8zy : )

  413.  #413Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Turquoise I know exactly how you feel, but you know what, he now knows what you want. From here on if anything changes it should be towards that. The ball is in his court and he does not have to guess about anything or read your mind. Up till now he was playing pretend husband. Now he has the opportunity to make his “pretense” a reality. At least now it kind of explains why he was hesitant to hug you in front of his family. The pretense has to metamorphosize into reality so it had to die. As long as that lived the possibility was limited to that. Now he has a chance to make it real.

  414.  #414LoveAlways on February 28, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Silver Tongue Siren

    “So no more defending. Either make it into a compliment to yourself or express how it feels and walk away if needed. And when he comes back doing nice things, let him know it still feels bad, and let him fix it.”

    I’m still learning to let them fix it. My boy energy screams “do it this way, do it this way” and I have to keep my mouth shut (hand over mouth actually). I tried with “I don’t wants” but it still comes out controlling. Do you let him fix it by doing nothing other than saying it still feels bad?

    Had a tiff with CD assertive and I just told him I didn’t feel good about what happened and he just wanted me to get over it because we talked about it. Is that fixing it? I don’t think so, but I’m still wound up . . .

  415.  #415Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    lk also if they are struggling, it unconsciously confirms that that is all there is. It also builds a false intimacy around gossiping and beating up on the men with women who do those things. If it is a man it builds a false sense out intimacy outside the relationship.

    Rori encourages that we should go out of our “neighborhood” to find out that there is more to the world than our neighborhood. To connect with and bless women who are in succesful relationships so that we can find out their secrets to help ourselves.

  416.  #416Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    LoveAlways one technique is to sit quietly facing each other until your bio system resnychronize so that you experience each other as friends again. You could also ask him to just hold you when go into the loops of arguing and can’t seem to get out. It could be a commitment you make in advance.

    Rose Cole, one of Rori’s interviewee’s says in such circumstancies her husband says to her “you know you are just bliss blocking”. This is based on an understanding they have and she says most of the times she doesn’t see it but when he calls her out on it she gets a chance to step back.

  417.  #417LoveAlways on February 28, 2012 at 12:45 pm


    Thank you. I will try that with him. I like that term “bliss blocking” I may actually be experiencing it! I will look for that interview.

  418.  #418Starla on February 28, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I’m a PRO bliss blocker, lol

  419.  #419turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Thanks FW, Starla… I’m working on a box of tagalongs… not really feeling any better though, so I’m stopping at 2 cookies today.

    FW, those are good points, and I’ve been writing down what I’m feeling, and while my emotions are a little all over, I really feel this heaviness on my chest, which I”m guessing where the expression heavy heart comes from.

    He is actually the one who more brought it up. He was being flirty and made a sexual comment. I replied something about how he didn’t stay the last time and he responded that it felt like it was becoming more than just sex, which is when I asked if he ever thought about us trying again.

    It’s good it’s out in the open, no regrets, I handled it well, even when he started dragging up really really old stuff. I was calm, didn’t get into it too much, preferred to stay in the present.

    Thinking back, he didn’t actually say he hasn’t forgiven me, he said he couldn’t let it go. That he knows that is an issue for him. I’m sure he’s been thinking about this today too… but I don’t expect to hear from him for awhile. (I know, no expectations, but this would be his pattern)

    And no worries FW, pleading with him is so far off the radar, I brought that up as it was something I did when we were married.

    I clearly stated that I want to be with someone who loves me.

    I hope I’m in a much lighter place when I do see him, as right now it would be hard to make eye contact, I feel like running from him, so I wouldn’t want to spend any time with him. It would be the complete opposite of our last few visits.

    Sigh, I know time is my best friend, and it will feel better when some passes.

  420.  #420Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    FW- I wish MILW would just HOLD me or just sit facing me, but many times when we get that wound up, he is too closed off and doesn’t want to do ANYthing with me.

    It might work if it were something less intense.

    “bliss blocking” 😀 that’s a term I’d LIKE to throw out there…. like why can’t you just change your energy and have a good time! Why can’t we create something GOOD? you’re just bliss blocking. heheh.

    Love Always!:
    “””Do you let him fix it by doing nothing other than saying it still feels bad?”””

    Yes. sometimes that’s what I do. I think Rori has even mentioned this – when he comes around doing “nice” things trying to make it better, say I see you doing nice things, it feels good, I appreciate it, but .. i still feel … upset/___ about earlier.

    “””””Had a tiff with CD assertive and I just told him I didn’t feel good about what happened and he just wanted me to get over it because we talked about it. Is that fixing it? I don’t think so, but I’m still wound up . . “”””””””

    NO that is not fixing it if nothing has changed… You need empathetic communication, non violent communication, etc. look these terms up, Imago therapy. … .. basically, what I am saying, is that if you feel bad, he needs to ask why you feel bad, he needs to listen, you both need to listen to each other, you both can request things of each other to resolve it (or just let him know what you need, or something, and ask what HE thinks, putting him in control.)…

    I am guessing this is why you don’t feel it was resolved? … because you still feel bad? when you talked about it, what did you say to each other?

    did he not address your feelings? did he acknowledge and accept how you feel without invalidating it (saying it’s not true, doesn’t matter, changing the subject, etc).. did you tell him why you feel that way? was there any discussion about what would make you feel better or what could be done differently?

    wanting you to get over it because you talked about it sounds like he either felt it was resolved, OR he is just irritated and doesn’t want to deal with it.

    Would you like to share the situation here so we can help you with it?

  421.  #421lk on February 28, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    ooh i just am starting to let myself want a new car & it feels pretty good to imagine driving around in a white car with thumpy speakers & creamy leather interior… : ) that is really good in the snow ! & has big tires !!

  422.  #422Starla on February 28, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    rahhh i feel upset when my supervisor corrects me at work. i feel immature saying that now, though.

  423.  #423Rytchz1 on February 28, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    How do u pick up the pieces when your boyfriend is caught cheating?

  424.  #424Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    “why can’t you just change your energy and have a good time!”

    Feels very blamey and critical

  425.  #425Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Brenda re 364

    Thank you for that. I understand what you mean, it’s a polite way to listen to someone without focusing too much on our own thoughts too much.

    I am a good listener. I always try to listen at level 2 (or is it level 3?). In any case, I always give him my full attention and I try not to interrupt because I hate when people interrupt me before I’m finished talking.

    Of course

  426.  #426Femininewoman on February 28, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    “why can’t you just change your energy and have a good time!”

    Also controlling and dictatorial

  427.  #427Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I texted BF back… finally… he texted early this AM ..

    i just don’t feel like talking to him, seeing him..whatever. kind of annoyed.

    I am kind of happy with MILW lately, and how we’re getting along well, and ONE thing that has always made me happy is MILW’s daily involvement in my life. Resentful about paying bills or not. And that is getting better.

    Either way. I texted BF:
    “Glad to get a text from you. Everything here is wonderful, thanks! No worries about the wknd. Hope you enjoy your new place and the car is happy soon.”

    I said “glad to get a TEXT” not glad to HEAR from you because I’m tired of getting a text now and then. I want a call, and often. He doesn’t contact me often enough.

    I don’t know if it’s leaning forward to say Hope you enjoy etc” .. but oh well. otherwise it felt too “short” .. not sure about these things. like “hope your day gets better – be careful on the road”.. Anyone have input about those type of comments?

    Also, the next two weekends I am potentially renting our house out, so I may not be able to have BF visit here.. I haven’t told him that yet, and he might be annoyed when he finds out. He will text me “i’ll be there this wknd”… I can either tell him, we’re renting the house out, and there’s no place to stay, (in which case I BET he tries to come down and stay at a friend’s place).. or, I can just say I have plans.


  428.  #428T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    I feel a shift towards partnership in my relationship with J already even though we won’t be moving in together until the end of the school year. Yesterday we did a lot of planning of things at his house when we incorporate both of our things. It is so cute, he calls his house “our house” now.

    I will miss my house because I love it so much and what it represents to me (I was able to buy it on my own to make a life for me and my daughter). Never in a million years did I think I would be leaving it already, but it is just walls.

    While J and I were planning and the TV was on, The Newlywed Game came on and he said “lets write down what our answers would be and see how we do”. It was so cute and we had a blast. No, we didn’t get all our answers right but I loved being able to open up to him because of the conversations the questions prompted.

  429.  #429Starla on February 28, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    So many of us here are on the rinse and repeat setting for our relationships. It seems like many of us are, for all intents and purposes, are in exactly the same place, spinning our wheels…

    I don’t want this for myself.

    I feel tightened up when I read others doing it.

    And it’s probably just me feeling it deep within myself.

    I’m not perfect but I get scared to hang around in environments where progress isn’t being honored.

    But then that blames others for my own wheel-spinning, by suggesting that because they’re the company I keep, they wore off on me.

    What do you ladies think?

  430.  #430T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Starla – very interesting thoughts. I find that when things aren’t going so well that by writing it or blogging it, it is almost a way of controlling it. Almost like when you aren’t feeling well you turn to the internet to see what your symptoms can mean but then all you find is bad news. (I don’t know if that makes any sense).

    But the good thing is you recognize that you don’t want that for yourself. Awareness is so important. And, you don’t make excuses for yourself either. Another good thing.

    So no, I wouldn’t blame the company you keep. For me, I find that if I write it down here I won’t go blabbing to all my girlfriends (who are all married for a LONG time) who I feel don’t get me anymore. But lately I have felt so happy and joyous that I am just bursting and I have to let it out somewhere.

  431.  #431T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Blah, I just re-read my 425 post and it doesn’t make any sense lol.

  432.  #432Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Starla, hopefully I’ll wear off on you a little bit since my relationship is not in the rinse and repeat mode at all.

    It’s pretty solid even though we still have a lot to learn from each other.

    But there’s learning to be done every day, isn’t there?

  433.  #433Hopeful on February 28, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Starla – 424

    I think we come here when we feel bad and we want help. And it is human nature till to keep making the same mistakes until we finally figure it out. And it is tough to break the cycle.

    I know I come here to express something good happening sometimes, but usually I come here for the sisterly support. And it feels good. And it feels good when you can help a sister out too.

  434.  #434Starla on February 28, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    t-girl, i thought it made sense

  435.  #435Iamabutterfly on February 28, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    hey Starla, I think it’s because we tend to come to the blog when we find ourselves slipping into old patterns which clearly don’t work.

    For me at least, when I’m busy and things are going well, I tend not to spam the blog as much, unless I feel like helping other Sirens or gushing or just getting stuff out there for whatever reason…

  436.  #436Starla on February 28, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    I am feeling regretful that there isn’t more focus right now on leaning back and really using Rori’s tools. I’m glad we’re here to support each other, but I feel like Rori’s teachings are being lost on us these days, if that makes sense?

    Mostly what feels good to me is focusing on leaning back and on myself and keeping my vibe healthy and happy.

    Honestly, the more I write about this, the sillier I feel. I’m not sure I can really point a finger at this blog for anything. I’m just being silly=/

  437.  #437Starla on February 28, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Thank you ladies for taking the time to answer me:)

  438.  #438Heather on February 28, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    SLV, I just got on and WOOOOEEEE this board moves quite quickly!!! I haven’t read the article but bookmarked it. Thank you for your kind words as always 🙂

    LK, I like your idea of that statement… no questions, just informing him I miss him. However…if I get no response, I KNOW I’ll feel devistated. I guess yet another thing I must work on!

  439.  #439turquoise on February 28, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I left work a little early to pick up my daughter from cheer tryout practice. It feels good to get some fresh air. Looking forward to a relaxing evening. I’ve been hearing news about the school shootings in Ohio and the two students who died.

    Life is so precious, and fleeting. Determinded to enjoy it as much as possible!

  440.  #440Starla on February 28, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    So is it okay with you ladies if I continue to post non-relationship stuff like ways I intend to take care of myself like the goddess I am? I know it’s not specifically relationship related, but this is what feels most important to me.

    I’ve seen every Rori program ever, and the biggest take away for me was that if you continue to take really really really good care of yourself, all will be peachy.

  441.  #441Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    TGirl – it made sense to me.

    Starla –
    Progress isn’t being honored? ……….

    Progress is what we’re all encouraging each other to do. Also, we may offer suggestions but we can’t expect everyone to take our advice every time. Everyone has to learn for themselves.

    Also, I can’t speak for everyone, but I feel *I* have made a LOT of progress- in the past few years I’ve had a LOT to learn, and even in the past few WEEKS I feel l have made SO much progress both in my relationship with MILW and in myself in general.

    For me, I know it takes me time – I may “know” something in my head but in practice I have to be able to make sense of it and work through my fears about it, before it becomes a regular way of behaving. And in general it takes time to form habits anyway.

    But I am just throwing this all out there, I’m not really sure what you mean by “progress not being honored”…

    Also it’s hard to tell WHAT is really going on, by the way. These posts are just small parts of our lives, and not sure bout others but for me, much of it is just venting and hearing myself say it so I can get it off my chest and also because writing things helps me to understand things better so I can see what to do. And I assume it’s that way for others sometimes, .. It’s like writing in my journal and if someone wants to respond that’s an added benefit! 🙂

  442.  #442Starla on February 28, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    STS, I feel sooo happy to read you’re making progress. I never really read your posts because they’re too long for me to stay focused! Maybe I should challenge myself to start reading all of them:)

  443.  #443Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    430 Iamabutterfly – This also. I agree.

    431 Starla
    “””I am feeling regretful that there isn’t more focus right now on leaning back and really using Rori’s tools. I’m glad we’re here to support each other, but I feel like Rori’s teachings are being lost on us these days, if that makes sense?”””

    .. I don’t know. For me it’s ALL about that.

    435: So is it okay with you ladies if I continue to post non-relationship stuff like ways I intend to take care of myself like the goddess I am? I know it’s not specifically relationship related, but this is what feels most important to me.”””””

    I don’t mind at all! … If anyone doesn’t like it, they don’t have to read it.

    ….. you’ve seen every rori program? I wish I had them. I have Reconnect. I would love hearing about any tools you’d like to share!

  444.  #444T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Starla – I totally get where you are coming from.

    As for posting non-relationship stuff, I say go for it. It all plays a part in our relationships anyway.

  445.  #445Daria on February 28, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Wow I’m feeling excited and expansive and calm… In really transforming…
    Last nite I tolda cd I’d have felt open to being kissed when he was saying he thought I was hinting the day we were together… I wasn’t

    And it’s a babystep for me to not Play cool and say I’d feel open

    He also let me know several times that I can call him anytime I feel upset or just because

    I felt no pressure to do so… And I Called him this morning and it felt good 🙂

    And im getting more about me and how I want to be treated,

    Not so much about Should.

    And I’m more open about expressing turn off… And when men don’t call when they say they will

    That lil sad feeling is turn off w it, closing toward them

  446.  #446Daria on February 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Og told me getright said he wasn’t liking dating me cuz I always corrected him – I did!

    I’m feeling smily about my shifts

  447.  #447T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I know for me regarding Rori’s stuff, I just want to yell “Just do it! It works!”

    And, it isn’t just Rori’s stuff. I see a common thread to her teachings everywhere – even in EMK. It is how she delivers and speaks it that relates to us I guess.

  448.  #448Silver-Tongued Siren on February 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    419/421 FW –

    lol, don’t worry, I was joking about saying that.

  449.  #449Francesca on February 28, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Starla, I’m all for you posting whenever you feel like it.

    It doesn’t have to be about relationships all the time.

    I don’t know about the other ladies but I’m cool with that.

  450.  #450Mel on February 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Good afternoon ladies!

    I’m feeling overwhelmed today… sometimes when there’s a lot of stuff on my to-do list I feel kinda frozen. I wish I could overcome that reaction because then I get nothing done. Ideas?

    I was supposed to stay over at Mr. A’s house tonight, but I think I’m going to head home after dinner. I think I will feel less stressed in the morning if I can do a bit more work before bed and then head to work early. I know he’ll understand, but i feel disappointed because I’d so rather spend time with him than doing work. Blegh.

    I need to manage my time better.

  451.  #451lilybelle on February 28, 2012 at 2:33 pm


    I have had to stay away from the blog, for the most part, lately. For reasons that are purely for my own emotional health and having to do with the healing that I am doing from T and even before him.

    But, I agree that from what I have learned, taking care of number one is the most important thing….and so I have come miles in that respect since my time on here. Miles I tell ya! And yep, I have failed but holy hell, have I grown. Even though the thing with T wasn’t successful, I know that I was authentic. I didn’t run, I spoke my truth and I didn’t stuff anything. This was huge and even though I may not have handled it as well as someone else might have…It was good for me. D@mn, that vulnerability thing is the #1 Toughest thing for me to wrap around.

    So maybe I haven’t really failed at all. It’s all growth, right?

    So when you speak of the Goddess that you are, Starla, I honestly believe you are speaking the very essence of what RR teaches. It is always about “you” and how “you” feel at any given moment. (You equals each Siren and not YOU specifically) This is how I learned to pay attention to ME for the very first time in my whole life.

  452.  #452Hopeful on February 28, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Well, here is part 2 of my saga. And this is quite hopeful.

    Sunday, when I was feeling so much pain, I emailed a qigong/qigong massage healer. An aquintance experinced healing of emotional pain from her. I was skeptical, but feeling so much pain I had to give it a shot.

    I talked with her on the phone just before 5:00, and she had just had a cancellation. Like right then, so I got the directions and drove to her office for an appt.

    And in the car on my way over I called the hubby and said that I had just made an appt for a “different kind of therapy” and that a friend had gone to this woman and experience a lot of help for her emotional pain. As I told him that I felt bad about doing this to him at the last minute, he said he would rather have me go to the appt. He was being very supportive. And I was vague because even though he knows I am into new age stuff, he just does not buy it. So, we have a deal that I can go do these things, but he just does not want to talk about it.

    And it was just amazing. Right now, I feel like jello. I have since I left her office last night.

    She moved her hand while facing me and picked up on my energies. She senced a ton of grief. Old grief. And a lot of repressed anger that was stuck in my body. And some other stuff too. And as she did her work on me, she saw visions of memories that were stored in my body. And she was right on. She saw me and my mom looking into each others eyes and said it was an intense relationship, like the two of us were almost as one. And she saw a vision of my dad too, but that was a different kind of image, like there was a barrier between us. Both these images were from my childhood.

    The grief is huge for me. I lost my mom when I was 15. She and I were so close. She was like my best friend. She was the only one in my family that supported me and loved me. And when she died it was a such a devastating loss for me. I could not stop crying.

    And my dad has no capacity to love. He can only take. I think he wishes he could love, but he can’t do it.

    She worked on all this blocked energy/emotions in my body. And everything she was telling me about the blockage in each place and what they mean just rang so true. I cannot believe how wise she was.

    She said I was really blocked, but that my body was releasing the first layers of the blockages quite well.

    As she worked I asked her why I had so many blocked emotions that were stuck in my body when I feel like all I do is feel my feelings, like my feelings are too much for me to handle, so how can they be blocked. And then she said something very interesting.

    It is good to feel your feelings, but you must not search for them.

    That might not seem like much to some of you, but it meant a great deal to me. If I think of thing that causes a feeling, I go straight into that feeling, and then I can’t stop it.

    So I scheduled 4 more appt with her and went home. I felt so relaxed and was so amazed by how powerful her work was.

    And now I think I finally know what releasing your stance is. It is like I feel now. I can’t really describe this feeling I have, but it is like jello, somewhere between peace and numb. But it feels like a huge weight is off me.

    And today in a meeting, when something sad started to come into my mind, I started to feel sad, and then something inside me said, “release it”, so I did. I just let that feeling go back to where it came from and stayed present in the meeting. That happened in a few other meetings too. But those times, I was the one saying to myself, release it.

    And what is the point of all this in this relationship blog? The grief from the loss of my mom, the loss of a relationship with my dad (there never was one, he is just not capable), the loss of happy high school years because of my loss. And a rough time feeling joy in my young adulthood because I was so alone.

    So a few weeks back I was crying to my friends, worrying that I would get divorced, and saying that outside of my mom, my husband was the only person that really loved me. And that losing him would be too painful. The whole thing, losing him, telling people, giving up on the dream would be just too painful.

    And that has made me quite needy. And I have been making him wrong for so many years. And now even though I am trying to stop doing that, it is really hard to break the pattern. Becasue he still hears me making him wrong or trying to control him even when it is not there.

    And he has his own issues from his childhood, and I was just feeding right into them.

    So, right now, he is resisting me, and all the neediness and making him wrong. So I hope this jello thing sticks with me for a while.

    And by the way, when I came home I told him at a very high level, how amazing it was, and that the first thing she saw in me was the grief. And he shook his head and agreed with her. I told him I felt great, and so relaxed and he was glad to hear it. He just wants some happy weekends. I said I think we want the same thing. He wants me to keep going. And I do to. I thanked him for his support.

    And my next step is to get some more fun in my life so I can feel joy again. He doesn’t seem to want to do any of the fun things I suggest, so I will just go with friends or alone, and will take all the pressure off of him.

    Thanks again for all the responses that many of you sent. I read them all. The happy stories were great to read. The advice was good. And some of the stuff sounded a bit off, but you know, I think I am not going to respond to the stuff that seemed a bit off, because I don’t want to waste any energy on that.

    This afternoon I had this Eagles song playing in my head: I got a peaceful easy feeling and I know you won’t let down, cause I’m already standing on the ground.

    Peace to all of you.

  453.  #453Starla on February 28, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Okay, then it’s fairly settled! 🙂

    I am feeling so excited for tonight. I’m going to buy some desperately needed cleaning supplies and clean my goddessy bathroom and make up my bed with clean, fresh sheets. And clean my makeup brushes. I never do this. That probably makes me disgusting…using the brushes over and over and over without cleaning them…ehh…i love my face grease lol GROSS.

    Then I am going to go to the grocery store for stuff for lunch tomorrow and get back to the house and prepare my next few meals

    And then I shall finish the night with a long, hot shower and pampering. 🙂

    Eeek actually I think this might be too much to accomplish in one night, but I shall try!

  454.  #454Sassy on February 28, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    My heart truly truly goes out to you. There will be up and down feelings, good and bad days and love and not love for him and yourself and your girls.
    But you are strong, and smart and wise and beautiful and deserve to have the best man step up and give you what YOU want!
    Much love

  455.  #455Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 2:54 pm


    I see an energy healer about once a week, for about 6 months now, and it has been transformational. Not only do I feel so much better when I walk out of there, you can actually see it in my face too! The lines and worry just lift off. Much love to you.

  456.  #456Siren Angel on February 28, 2012 at 2:58 pm


    I haven’t been commenting much to you. But lately I just want to say that you do seem to be opening up. Like a blooming flower. It feels beautiful.

  457.  #457Healing Waterfall on February 28, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    This is Liz
    Brenda, your profile is incredible.

  458.  #458T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Wow Lilybelle, you have come so far! It is so great when we finally realize that what really matters is taking care of ourselves. Isn’t it funny that we need a blog or someone else to remind us to do that? Amazing.

  459.  #459Liz on February 28, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    I am changing my name to Healing Waterfall.
    I have been posting for the last couple days, but no posts have showed up.

    love your profile Brenda….wow, i didn’t know all that about you….if i was a guy i’d take you out…

  460.  #460Daria on February 28, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Wow thank you siren angel 🙂

  461.  #461Daria on February 28, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    I’m noticing I often feel tightening in my buttocks in the energy… Well Its imprints from being spanked or flogged

    Also confusion dizziness like a mild concussion… From getting slapped hard in the face


    I also emotrance/riffed a headache from hunger and got to feel under that how painful my guts were from hunger… I had numbed that out so my awareness of hunger usually is a headache covering that . Wow! My guts felt stinging!

    I’m likely hungry now also

  462.  #462Dominique on February 28, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Healing Waterfall – Beautiful name. 🙂

    sending love…


  463.  #463T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Speaking of taking care of ourselves, I am excited that I may qualify for a Pell Grant and do some more schooling. The process is taking awhile though but I am still very excited.

  464.  #464Starla on February 28, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    yay T-Girl, that is wonderful news!

  465.  #465Liz on February 28, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    questions for the sirens

    1) i have toxic men and modern siren and can’t get committment blueprint

    but i was reading rori’s newsletter today and she talked about being vulnerable….does anyone have any suggestions on being vulnerable from blueprint? i wish i was softer and more feminine…i know i am in my feminine alot more…

    2) fm it is impossible for me to use them when i am in the midst of a conversation….how do you remember how to do that?

    i.e. when accountantCD and i talked sunday night

    is it as simple as remembering to drop down into the pelvis…i am always grounded per se….

    3) he knows i am short on funds this week and suggested i pay my landord part of my rent now and more in a few weeks, this was last saturday when we talked.
    Today I got a text from him: Did you call your landlord yet?

    I really appreciated that! I had not, in fact I had spaced it.

    So fm text for that… was really hard to do….i did not have much time, so this is what i said:

    No :). whoops. Thx for reminding me! TTYL XXOO.

    How to put a fm into that exchange and draw him into me being a siren?
    I WAS having a sireny day….i felt so good getting my papers organized and my business notebooks together and I cooked the most incredible brown rice, my new favorite is sweet brown rice and had warm milk with it and I felt so happy nesting….but it didn’t seem like the time to talk about my day or ask him how he is holding up during tax season, since he is masculine energy and takes care of himself.

    thanks for your feedback if you feel inspired and if not, it felt good just posting and expressing my process, so no pressure….

  466.  #466Lizka on February 28, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Hi. Tra la la. I’m here and have nothing to say 🙁

    Nothing exciting and neither bad… I’m just living…

  467.  #467Starla on February 28, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    “whoops. Thx for reminding me! TTYL XXOO.”

    “oh gosh, I feel so forgetful! I feel so taken care of, thank you for reminding me:)”

  468.  #468Liz on February 28, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    thanks fw
    i like 39….

    i feel so blessed today. I saw my old neighbor last week, from when i was married and living in the farm.
    he said he had been x-country skiing and long story short, he said he had some free tickets for me and my son to go skiing tomorrow!

    and i talked with my ex and he said he would come with us, so we could keep a better eye on our son’s turning and stopping!

    i am loving consciously being in the vortex of appreciation. i appreciate the generosity and thoughtfulness of these two men to enable me to ski with my son (since i am not very good)

  469.  #469Aurora Girl on February 28, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    447 Hopeful

    thank you so much for posting your experience….


  470.  #470Sassy on February 28, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    I want to feel cherished. I want to be romanced. I want to feel like I am the top priority. I want to feel loved.

  471.  #471lilybelle on February 28, 2012 at 3:43 pm


    T-Girl~ Funny thing is, nobody had ever given me permission before. I always worried about everyone else first and never about my own happiness.

    Now, I’m taking guitar lessons and I start ballet on Saturday. I have NEVER done things for myself like this before.

    I also have a new MALE friend and that’s all I’m going to call him but when we go out, I smile from ear to ear and we have SO much fun together. SO much fun. And the coolest thing about it is that he accepts me just as I am…there is no pressure at all for anything more than I am able to give him right now. It feels safe and I am CDing the heck out of him.

  472.  #472T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    459 Liz,

    I was trying to write out a good feeling message but Starla just nailed it.

    By the way, I know Rori says it all the time, but I’m not really sure what “drop down into your pelvis” really means.

  473.  #473T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    I love the name Healing Waterfall. So peaceful.

  474.  #474Heather on February 28, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Oh Starla, you’re SO good at feeling messages 🙂 you really are!!!

    Lilly Bell… I too had taken a break for emotional reasons. Though I haven’t been very vocal like you I’ve been here and you’re right. Making sure you are AUTHENTIC to yourself is first and foremost. You DESERVE to make yourself a priority- and you did 🙂 *hugs*

  475.  #475Starla on February 28, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    yes, yay, woohoo! i can leave work early today:) there’s lots of time for a G…er…a Siren. Yes! Lots of time for a Siren:)

  476.  #476T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Today (besides being on the blog), I restarted a passion of mine that I haven’t done in a while – sewing. I took some college sewing classes a couple of years ago and then it kind of went on the backburner while my life took a drastic change.

    So today I started construction on a new blouse for myself. I am so excited to be getting back to things I love doing.

  477.  #477T-Girl on February 28, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Wow Lilybelle, ballet too? That is so awesome! Sounds like a lot of fun!

  478.  #478Starla on February 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Dropping down into your pelvis is to take all the emotion and anxiety that’s bouncing around in you (or that is trying to hide and get stuffed) and imagine it all in a single heavy ball form, like a medicine ball, and to feel it dropping from your chest and heart and throat all the way down into your pelvis.

    From there, you imagine your pelvis expanding, and you relax the area and relax your vj and imagine your vj expanding sideways.

  479.  #479Starla on February 28, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    thank you heather:) i feel all smiley getting your nice compliment hehehe thanks

  480.  #480Memulo on February 28, 2012 at 3:54 pm


    I was spamming the blog yesterday with my issues around receiving – not sure if I didn’t get comments back because everyone was living their own lives or didn’t have an experience/ wasn’t thinking about this. Posts 212, 219, 240 I think. If anyone made progress in this area and is willing to share, I’d love to hear it 🙂

  481.  #481lilybelle on February 28, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    468: Awww, thank you Heather. I have had the loving support of a couple of very special women through this. I am coming out the other side.

    Hugs to you as well!

    T-Girl~ I feel so excited about it. For me, ballet is about grace and femininity. I figure it may even help me to keep from tripping when I walk down the hall at work. 😉

    Congrats on re-starting on your sewing projects again! Nice!

  482.  #482Liz on February 28, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    FW thanks for the comment about not discussing relationships with girlfriends, i think i am going to stop also. it’s just they all have established relationships and they like hearing my dating stories, but if the vortex and putting your intentions and desires out there with your thoughts and words is true, it is important to be really positive and appreciative of the dates i have had and what they are showing me or healing in me…
    i like that 🙂