The Vortex

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I’m sitting here on the ground among thousands of individual rock sculptures made by thousands of people to honor the spirits of this place in Sedona.

It’s a “vortex” – and I would love to say that I could feel the change in energy as I walked further and further into it, but I sort of felt moved by the whole walk.

Is there a place nearby that you could walk to that you can feel is a “sacred space”?

Love, Rori

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993 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 6:52 am

    More on the vortex



  2.  #2Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 6:53 am

    There is a strong relationship between our movement toward our dreams, and the resources we need becoming available to us. Too often we want to see the resources, or have them in hand before we start moving forward. When we do that, we have neither the resources nor the movement. We need to be like the snail that started climbing up the apple tree one cold day in August. As he inched his way upward, a worm stuck his head out from a crevice in the tree and said, ‘You’re wasting your energy. There isn’t a single apple up there.’ The snail kept on climbing, and replied, ‘No, but there will be by the time I get up there!’



  3.  #3April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 7:00 am

    I feel so sad on reading this question.

    A nearby sacred space that I can walk to. That is what I am missing in my life.

    I sit in sacred inner space, in meditation.

    But a physical location upon the Earth that is sacred…
    In the summer I will go cycling and discover one.



  4.  #4April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 7:02 am

    On the other hand, I do tend to worship tea and cake.

    So, my local cafe with its homemade treacle sponge and cosy coal fire… could that be the sacred space I walk to?



  5.  #5siren song on February 6, 2012 at 7:02 am

    aw. i love that photo, rori!

    my sacred space is my bathtub.



  6.  #6Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 7:03 am

    April Rose that was what came to me when I read that also but I did not feel sad. I just sad to myself I am that sacred place. I can go inward and find the divine and make that my sacred space. Where I live it is mostly a concrete jungle. I could also say that I have a sacred spot in my bedroom.



  7.  #7April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 7:05 am

    I feel so much longing from reading this post.

    Everything is just that little bit in front of my nose. Like a carrot on a stick.
    One day…. one day… one day….

    One day I’ll be happily hooked up with the man of my dreams.
    One day I’ll have the home I want.
    One day I’ll be organised.
    One day life will feel just right.



  8.  #8April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 7:16 am

    I am finding so much of Rori’s teaching to be true.

    Take your mind off a man, and he gets interested.
    This must be one of the cruelest of Sod’s laws.

    If my mind is off him, then I’m really not that interested in him. So he gets interested in me.
    Okay, I think, you’re interested in me now, so I’ll be into you again. He backs off again.
    Stupid silly game. A cosmic joke?



  9.  #9April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I have to train my mind to not be ‘into’ any man, but simply into myself and my own world and value.

    I’m worried that I’ll miss out on appreciating the man. I enjoy being into the man, his personality, his wit, his words, his desire for me.



  10.  #10lk on February 6, 2012 at 7:29 am

    @Femininewoman

    the story of the snail is really inspiring; thank you !



  11.  #11April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 7:31 am

    I like the story too, lk, but I feel like I’ve been that snail for years and years.



  12.  #12Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 7:32 am

    April Rose let’s think about the possibilities of what “I’m worried that…” could create in our bodies.

    1. Release of stress hormones that causes a propensity towards disease.

    2. Inability to be happy

    3. Missing out on life

    4. Obsessions about something/someone that we have no control over

    5. Beating ourselves over the head years later when we come to our senses and realize the reality of our situation



  13.  #13Silver Moonbeam on February 6, 2012 at 7:34 am

    #4 April Rose

    I love that your sacred space is your local tea shop, whatever does it for you right??

    #6 FW

    I now live in a bit of a concrete jungle but I am trying to make my apartment into my own sacred space filled with things I love to look at and have meaning for me.



  14.  #14Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 7:35 am

    The snail inspired me to think of myself and taking babysteps. Babysteps are small initially but then it turns into running that can’t be stopped.



  15.  #15April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 7:37 am

    FW,
    All those things apply. I do worry a lot. I tell people that’s why I’m so slim.

    My secret world of worry…



  16.  #16Silver Moonbeam on February 6, 2012 at 7:37 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU0Nytc-qus&feature=fvst

    Chill your way into The Vortex.

    Abraham



  17.  #17April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 7:41 am

    I can flip into joy and pleasure in an instant.

    All it needs is a visit to a sacred place.

    So, I’m going to pop to the tea shop and when I come back I’ll be in a different mood. Let’s see….

    back in half an hour….



  18.  #18Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 7:53 am


  19.  #19lk on February 6, 2012 at 8:15 am

    i woke up in the vortex : )



  20.  #20Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 8:18 am

    When I am in or by water, it feels like a sacred place. I feel so thankful God placed me two blocks from a bay! And I love going to the ocean.



  21.  #21Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 8:34 am

    I lean forward with Ryan because he is depriving me of love. If I lean back by getting completely out of the relationship, I guarantee he will come after me. I just have to steel myself to have the strength to do that.



  22.  #22Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Lolita,

    RE: #1123 from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/monthly-interview-with-bobbi-palmer/comment-page-24/#comment-184821:

    Have you made a final decision about tonight?

    I agree with the women…if it were me, I would keep the plan, since it is already set, but keep it brief, maybe even just an hour, but no more than two. I think the main thing here is learning from our mistakes. That is why I study my texts with Ryan, so that I see what I’m doing and improve for next time. Let me tweak your text with M:

    I have a dilemma… he said ‘About tomorow… I had a challenging weekend, I’m exhausted… plus I have a cold… I’m not sure I’ll be much company’

    I said: Ah, I feel disappointed…and I understand. Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. (My heart was beating so fast… I was so afraid he could feel my fear about not seeing him tomorow)

    M: Thanks for understanding. I will be in touch.

    Me: Sure

    Then tonight, Monday, perhaps he would text:

    M: Lolita, how are you?

    L: I feel relaxed here on the sofa eating sushi!

    M: I feel much better, and I was wondering if I could see you on Tuesday night?

    L: I feel happy you are feeling better. Tuesday would feel good!

    M: will you have had dinner already?

    L: I don’t know… what do you think?

    M: Yeah sure, maybe sushi?

    L: Ooh, that sounds good! I can taste it already!

    M: Ok, if tomorrow is good, if that’s what you want, is that what you want?

    Me: yes that would feel , it’s so nice we have more time this week to see each other. You have training Weds night?

    M: Yes Weds I have training. So you will bring the sushi over?

    L: I feel like a lady when a man wines and dines me. What do you think?

    M: You mean you would like to go out?

    L: That would feel nice!

    M: All right, come pick me up at 8 pm.

    L: Oh, I don’t know. It would feel good if you came to me.

    M: All right, I’ll pick you up at 8 pm.

    then chit-chat and goodnights.

    Lolita, so what do you think?



  23.  #23Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 8:52 am

    LK,

    RE: #19 – What does that mean? How did you feel when you woke up? Why were you in the vortex?



  24.  #24Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 8:53 am

    This blog is my vortex. It feels like a sacred place, most of the time, and I really enjoy being here on Siren Island!



  25.  #25lk on February 6, 2012 at 9:01 am

    @brenda

    mmmm when i woke up… i felt held & coddled & carried by the universe… i felt slow… like i had All Time to Prepare Myself for whatever the Day might look like….. & no Urgency…… i felt Satisfied…. no Hungers or Thirsts…. no Anger or Impatience…. & i felt Playful ! like… “jehovah made this whole joint for you, carolina” doo doo doo : )))) yum



  26.  #26Mel on February 6, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Ok…

    So I’ve been wanting to share this, but I knew it would take a long time to type it out. Now I finally have a spare moment…

    On Saturday afternoon, I went over to Mr. A’s place. We had made plans to eat dinner together (I was cooking this time) and to watch the hockey game together.

    Before dinner, we were snuggling in bed and out of the blue he asks “Do you ever want to get re-married?” I replied that I was not opposed to remarriage; that for me it is not essential to have a legal union. But I continued… I want to share my life with someone. I want a companion and a committed partner. I do not want to be somebody’s girlfriend forever, living apart and seeing each other a few times a week. That I want someone who wants these same things.

    He told me that he’s doesn’t think he really wants to get remarried. That for him it doesn’t mean a whole lot anyways, and it is certainly no guarantee (his marriage breakup was quite sad and dramatic). He told me that he is happy to be a committed partner, but getting married didn’t feel desirable. He continued… BUT, that if marriage really meant something to me, or was important to me, that he would be willing to reconsider.

    Then he said, that he had been thinking a lot about it and thinks that he would like to see me move in with him and be his partner. He said that he feels so lucky to have met me and that before I came into his life he honestly thought he’d never find what he was looking for. He said “We’re both such good people… and good people tolerate a lot and put up with a lot, and sacrifice their own happiness. But I’m just not willing to do that anymore. I want to be happy. And you make me feel so incredibly happy. And all I want is to make you happy. And I think, that good people like us deserve to find each other and be happy together.”

    He told me he’d love for the two of us to fix up the house together (I love fun reno projects) and make it ours. He said that what he’d like to do is throw a huge party and invite all of our close family and friends when I move in. As if to say… hey, we’ve decided we want to make a commitment to each other and a life together… let’s celebrate!
    I told him that his plan felt good and that it would make me feel very happy to have him in my life.
    ——-
    So…. crazy hey!? He’s got a plan and wanted to see how I felt about it. And it is all easy breezy, with no timeline… but I’m okay with that. As long as “this” feels good and he continues to step-up and things progress in a flowy organic way… I will “go with the flow.”

    The rest of the weekend felt so magical and lovely, and this is getting very long already…. But I feel very happy and surprised and in awe of the path the universe has provided for me.



  27.  #27Jilly on February 6, 2012 at 9:04 am

    I feel happy and peaceful 🙂 I just spent Saturday evening and all day yesterday with hunkoburninlove…I’m going to call him Rugby man…because he looks like a rugby player…he’s big, and strong …yum!!!

    he treats me like a goddess..asking if he could get me anything..cuddling me…(big happy sigh)…he asked if he could see me next weekend when he gets back into town…

    he’s a great kisser…he’s only 30…I like that!!! For years I’ve been dating older and now I am really liking men close to my age…it feels refreshing 🙂



  28.  #28lk on February 6, 2012 at 9:05 am

    awww (((mel))) that sounds so wonderful !



  29.  #29Jilly on February 6, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Aurora Girl…I liked your post from the other thread…thank you..yes these hard working men have a right to love too 🙂 He asked me if him being gone a lot was a problem and I responded with “we’ll see”…and I swear it turned him on lol…

    for sure it’s way to soon to tell…we just met…but it feels so good…he said he hasn’t felt this comfortable in a long time…then he laughed and tried to correct himself like…well not THAT long lol…like I’m not desperate…it felt funny 🙂



  30.  #30Jilly on February 6, 2012 at 9:11 am

    kayla…yes!!! you sound good 🙂 all those things you did yesterday for you…felt really good to read…like yes…this girl is doing her thing!! 🙂

    Turquoise…awesome…it felt inspiring to read about you growing your candy business 🙂

    T-Girl…good to see you 🙂

    Silver moonbeam…thanks for posting Abraham…I love that 🙂



  31.  #31Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Aww Mel. Thanks so much for sharing that.



  32.  #32lk on February 6, 2012 at 9:13 am

    from Magnus

    Our negative feelings and beliefs are the *filter* through which we view reality. Once we’ve tapped away our negative feelings, we see the truth – the universe really is a friendly place.

    I was waiting for some friends outside a restaurant
    recently, standing in the sun and just noticing the world around me. Across the street a man was chasing pigeons away from his doorstep with a broom.

    He came in and out of his store a few times, would wave the broom at the pigeons to shoo them away, and retreat back indoors. Seconds later the pigeons would return, and so would the man. Each time he’d get angrier and angrier.

    His anger blinded him to what was obvious to me in my meditative bliss across the street. There were crumbs or seeds or something on the street, and that’s why the pigeons were so keen to return to the doorstep.

    If he’d calmed down and let go of the anger (Tapping is just one way to do this – counting to ten would probably have done the trick in this case!) he’d have seen not only the root of the problem, but also that the solution was obvious.

    All he needed to do was use the broom that he was blindly waving around, but in a different way. We already have everything we need to deal with our problems, we just don’t see it because we’re too busy stuck INSIDE the problem.

    This is karma at work. Recently I’ve started to see Karma not as something that we need to ‘work out’, rather as something we can ‘work out’.

    When that man isn’t chasing pigeons off his doorstep, it’ll be cats off his front lawn, or kids out of car parks, who knows. The same patterns, repeating over and over.

    If you believe in past lives and reincarnation, you might take the view that he’s been living this pattern out for a very, very long time.

    But you don’t need to know about any of that. All you need is the presence of mind to notice that you’re angry, and that it’s nothing to do with pigeons or whatever else happens to be on your doorstep.

    Once you take ownership of your feelings – and they are YOUR feelings, no-one else will take ownership for them – you are one step towards dealing with them.



  33.  #33Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Brenda thank you. That’s lovely but I am so afraid as I know his profile is still up on Match that he would just chat away with someone all week… I guess that’s my fear again showing up. I’ll keep your suggestions though.



  34.  #34Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Brenda thank you. That’s lovely but I am so afraid as I know his profile is still up on Match that he would just chat away with someone all week… I guess that’s my fear again showing up. I’ll keep your suggestions though.



  35.  #35Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Brenda thank you. That’s lovely but I am so afraid as I know his profile is still up on Match that he would just chat away with someone all week… I guess that’s my fear again showing up. I’ll keep your suggestions though.



  36.  #36Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 9:16 am

    What do the Sirens think of card readings?



  37.  #37Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Lolita meh. I say use your own tuition. The more you use it the more it becomes effective. A card reading might only be using her own intuition and connecting to the feelings and thoughts of the person in front of them.



  38.  #38Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Yeah Mel!!! So happy for you. I guess you’ve been a really good Siren. I hope I can do the same.



  39.  #39Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

    I have a card reading in 30 mins. Recommended by my mom. My mom actually reads cards too, but not in depth, but she lost her cards in Paris 2 weeks ago. She kept reading that M and I would be together at least another 3 mths (as far as she can see). I hope this goes well.



  40.  #40Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Hey ,

    What is your highest vision, and how do you find it in your life?

    Take five minutes each day, or one minute several times a day, reviewing what you have planned for the day and ask how each appointment, person, and situation fits into your higher purpose. If any of them do not fit into your higher purpose and do not feel good to you, see if you can either change your perspective about them or. take them out of your schedule.

    If you are not aware of what your higher purpose is, create a symbol for it. Imagine you are holding the symbol in your hand, and merge it into your heart. Allow a light to shine from your heart center and go through the top of your head and then release it to the Universe. Very soon it will start to manifest.

    Much love,

    Christy Whitmas



  41.  #41Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Lolita that looks to me like you are putting your faith in something outside of yourself and not trusting yourself. That can create a lot of internal stress. I believe if you focus on how Mel and Starla have thus far focussed on just living their lives you would be better off in getting a hopeful picture on how you can do your relationship.

    That card reader could possibly be wrong.



  42.  #42Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

    FW, my intuition would tell me to reschedule for tonight with M….actually. I guess I need all kinds of guidance right now as I may be mixing up my intuition, my period cramps, and my fear.



  43.  #43Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Lolita it seems you are squeezing yourself into a corner with no wriggle room is what I think. How about relaxing, thinking of yourself in a rowboat with your man and just allowing him to row. Think of yourself as a fern with your leaves fluttering in the breeze while a beautiful man waters you. With you saying aaah I love water.



  44.  #44Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Lolita,

    RE: #33 – I understand. I tend to be the same way. I tend to take crumbs. No more.



  45.  #45Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Lolita,

    RE: #36 – I believe the spiritual realm is very real. I believe stuff like that comes from one of two places. I do not believe the power in card reading comes from God. I think it is dangerous.



  46.  #46Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

    FW,

    RE: #40 – That’s good stuff!



  47.  #47tenny on February 6, 2012 at 9:40 am

    The beach, at sunrise is my sacred place to walk



  48.  #48Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 9:41 am

    FW and Brenda, I understand. I’ll keep an open mind about it. I do believe you can change things with your vibe, behavior and words, which was proven to me last week. I had imagined the rowboat and M touching my face just last Weds and Thurs and he did exactly that last Thurs. Anyway, I am seeing the card reader for a global picture knowing I can make some changes for the best. I will keep your comments in mind.



  49.  #49Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 9:44 am

    I am working on an internal shift toward better treatment. I can’t go on making excuses for the bad behavior of men.



  50.  #50Dominique on February 6, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Awesome Mel. 🙂

    xxoo



  51.  #51mali on February 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

    I’m feeling a little sad…

    I LOVE ME in EVERY WAY POSSIBLE! <3 <3 <3

    Showering myself with loooooooove.



  52.  #52siren song on February 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

    i want to be open and soft when i feel angry.

    i am finding this hard to do. i feel flustered.



  53.  #53mali on February 6, 2012 at 9:52 am

    I start the Online Calling In the One course tonight… And I’m feeling the excitement and anticipation and love!



  54.  #54lk on February 6, 2012 at 9:53 am

    aww i’m feeling sad for the ocean…. i wish for closeness… i think i’ll read an Ocean book for bedtime tonight



  55.  #55Silver Moonbeam on February 6, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Mel

    That was lovely to read. I’m sure you and Mr A will be very, very happy. 🙂



  56.  #56Luzydel on February 6, 2012 at 10:04 am

    I feel so down…I feel sad for how I let myself get treated…I cannot go back and undo what is done, I need to find that place in my heart and forgive myself. I abandoned my body, my things to chase an expectation, an illusion, and I feel shaken inside.
    Going to run some errands



  57.  #57Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Mel!!!

    RE: #26 – Congratulations! The man initiated The Talk and you are in a relationship! Happy day!



  58.  #58Starla on February 6, 2012 at 10:19 am

    I am often in the vortex, and I have some special places to get there…but really *I* am the vortex…I carry it with me everywhere I go. I call it up like a magic spell. Feeling the ground underneath my boots as I walk down the street, abracadabra, vortex appears around me.

    Just as I can very easily get into the vortex, I can just as easily be knocked completely out of it. I am constantly reaffirming my commitment to being inside my vortex. So far, I’m at least committed to carrying it around with me, like an extra jacket that I won’t discard but might not always wear. At least I’m prepared for the weather if it turns cold.



  59.  #59Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Go Starla,

    Right on! Team Vim!

    Vortex
    Is
    Me



  60.  #60Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 10:31 am

    kITtIn KoDe

    3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333344444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444a[‘q;



  61.  #61April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 10:32 am

    (((Mali)))



  62.  #62Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Vim – vigor, pep, energy, dash.



  63.  #63Starla on February 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Mel, I really love that idea of a party when you move in.

    I like this Mr. A guy

    But I’m biased, cuz he totally reminds me of CF. But I guess we have similar tastes in old fashioned yet enlightened modern gentlemen.



  64.  #64April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Hello Starla,

    What is this vortex of which you speak?

    I am interpreting it as a shiney bubble of you-ness in which you are wholely contained.



  65.  #65Sondra on February 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

    I want to be Cool . . .
    So I can be the Vortex!

    When I am the Vortex:
    I am Happy
    I am in Love
    I am Loved
    I have enough Money
    I am Healthy
    I am Sexy



  66.  #66lk on February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

    @mel

    i feel curious…. have you talked about dollars with your Man ?

    i feel very curious about Sharing Dollars & how feels nice for other Sirens…..

    @Laughing Goddess ?



  67.  #67lk on February 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

    @April Rose 64

    the law of attraction folks talk about Vortex i think…

    & rori’s post today is titled “The Vortex” : ))))



  68.  #68Starla on February 6, 2012 at 10:45 am

    April, hi darling!!! So hard to “describe” the vortex. Hmmm…it’s a one-ness with myself and all of creation. It’s a powerful divinity deep inside myself that draws influence from and demonstrates influence upon All That Is. Everything is possible here. It is a soulful knowing that everything I intellectually believe is lacking is actually already well on it’s way to me.

    I could go on and on, actually. But there’s no concise one-sentence way of describing the Vortex that satisfies.



  69.  #69Starla on February 6, 2012 at 10:47 am

    CF mentioned that making more money is really important to him to start a family, and that he fully expects to be able to do this. I love it. Every other man that was interested in family life with me didn’t believe they could make a lot of money or had to be pushed to talk about financial security.

    What a man. he is so good. I expected less out of my own conditioning and past experiences, but he is soooo all man when it comes to this stuff.

    Yum!



  70.  #70Daria on February 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

    🙁 feels so sad and bad to read i dont believe card reading comes from god…

    feel so invisible and unseen and shut out

    feel sad 🙁 quivery face

    scared

    vulnerable

    i dont want to not be seen as a divine being

    sigh

    do i feel anger?

    maybe somewhere i feel rage



  71.  #71lk on February 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

    yummy, starla : ) i like your vortex description : )))

    writing a description of the Vortex sounds like a good way to remember what the Vortex feels like when i’m feeling lost : )



  72.  #72Daria on February 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

    i give myself permission to see the divinity in this situation

    sigh

    ok that feels good …



  73.  #73Daria on February 6, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Im staying in the vortex yesterday by stating my refusals out loud

    i REFUSE to feel good right now

    I refues to allow myself to deservr to feel good even tho i only slept a lil bit

    ohhh it was melting my resistance all over the place and i had an exciting feeling weekend



  74.  #74Mel on February 6, 2012 at 10:51 am

    @ Starla,

    Me too! I really like the party idea. And I love that while marriage means nothing to him he was willing to go that route if I felt strongly about it. I don’t.

    And the truly amazing thing is that all of this happened without a single “I love you” ever being uttered. We talked a lot about all sorts of things this weekend and now that I truly understand his experience with “love” and marriage, it makes complete sense to me why the words aren’t important to him.

    I might never hear them. But I definitely do feel his love and I think i can be okay with that. The really cute thing is that he’s used all sorts of other interesting expressions like ‘I’m crazy about you” “I want you in my life” “estoy enamorado” etc. Almost as if he’s making a point to not say those words. I feel kind of amused thinking of it this way.



  75.  #75Starla on February 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

    I mean, I didn’t even ask him about money…he said on his own he cares about being able to provide. Gosh, most men I’ve dated would be happy to let me be a breadwinner, and skate along on my salary as long as they could.

    I will bring abundance and income to our relationship always, but I don’t want to be the stable breadwinner. I want to do it in creative ways, by being the frugal matriarch who grows vegetables and takes time to repair ripped clothes instead of buying new ones. I want to work on side projects for income (BIG income) and let it add to our fortune. But I don’t want to be one responsible for the electric bill.

    To some, this might seem unfair or high maintenance or stuck up, but I believe my contribution would be worth just as much financially as the man’s. I just don’t feel good thinking about being the one who earns the money to keep the lights on. I want to be the one who keeps more of my husband’s hard earned money in the bank by being the vanguard of frugality and abundance.

    Of course, if I commit to a lifelong relationship with my husband/father of my children, I will pay the electric bill if I have to… I’m not gonna let us get thrown on the street before I go find a job.

    The key is to pick a man who would never let you end up on the street, though.

    But stuff happens. People get expensive illnesses, and what not…



  76.  #76Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Mel – I love this:

    “I want to be happy. And you make me feel so incredibly happy. And all I want is to make you happy. And I think, that good people like us deserve to find each other and be happy together.”

    I literally teared up when I read that. But then again, I’ve been crying at the drop of a hat lately. Could be hormones. Could be the wedding…it was good, though. Happy crying….

    Thank you for sharing….



  77.  #77Starla on February 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Mel,
    “I might never hear them”

    You will. I bet part of you is freaked out by the thought of hearing it. And part of him knows this. Just keep going with the flow and before you know it you’ll be in crazy, declared love with this man. You’re so new and fresh together. Your relationship is going to deepen and deepen and deepen. Hard to believe it could get any better, right? But it will…



  78.  #78Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 10:59 am

    My “vortex” or my happy place, is the beach. I go there when I need peace, or just a quiet space for reflection. I love to stand there and just let all my thoughts melt and get pulled away by the ocean, becoming part of the vastness. Then I imagine the ocean doing everything to take care of things, just as they are meant to be, and I feel relieved, lighter.

    I imagine the ocean taking my worries and turning them into abundance – creating for me all the things I need and desire, even beyond what I can imagine.

    Another good place for peace is my back yard. It is quiet and secluded and beautiful – and oh so close by! lol



  79.  #79lk on February 6, 2012 at 11:02 am

    @starla

    oh thank you ! i enjoyed reading your vision of finances. i share that & i think – if it’s ok with You – i’d like to read parts of what you wrote to CDcd ?



  80.  #80Goodheart on February 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

    The Vortex to me is seeing everyone & everything through the eyes of love. ~

    When I’m in the Vortex I have clarity. I feel appreciation for every little thing. It’s like a soft, glowing light has been turned on inside me & it radiates gently outward.



  81.  #81Daria on February 6, 2012 at 11:04 am

    right now i refuse to feel glad i can take a nap

    i refuse to feel rested

    i refuse to feel good abotu beign able to sleep

    i refuse to feel comfortable about my plans for later



  82.  #82Starla on February 6, 2012 at 11:04 am

    lk, i would be honored if my words inspired you/gave you clarity in your communication about your deepest desires <3. so yes



  83.  #83Starla on February 6, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Daria, I’m confused by your refusals. Are you just honoring the part of yourself that wants to stay down in the dumps?

    If so, I totally relate. I do this sometimes now. I revel in my bad moods. It feels good. I noticed I get kind of a high from it. Watching the Tony Robbins video about Crazy 8 made me notice what a buzz I get from it, even when it hurts me… kinda like being a crackhead, lol. Have you seen this video?

    So I started reveling in the bad moods. I feel like…I should enjoy the buzz now that I know it’s there, but soon I will give up this drug. I’m like an alcoholic binging before checking into rehab.



  84.  #84Daria on February 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Starla – if im not feeling good i assume im REFUSING to feel good

    then when i acknowledge it out loud, it seems to be melting away for me right now

    i did this to make BIG shifts in how i was receiving what was going on around me



  85.  #85Daria on February 6, 2012 at 11:13 am

    when i noticed myselt trying to get bored or not enjoy the time (because of this or that or time or planning or etc) i said to myself oh i REFUSE (whatever i actually wante to experience)

    i REFUSE to feel the looks of these men as love that’s energizing me

    I refuse to feel comfortable and relaxed

    i refuse to feel comfortable and safe takinga nap righ tnow

    i refuse to feel ready to go to sleep

    i refuse to go to sleep thinking ill wake up to fun



  86.  #86Starla on February 6, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Daria, thanks for explaining. I feel curious about this process. I am glad it melts away for you. It does not melt for me…but I do say BRING IT, like bring me more bad stuff yessss i love the bad stuff. And of course, nothing bad comes… I guess it melts away in this way. And I feel the buzz of negative creation, so in a way I guess I’m in my vortex…

    Thanks for the inspiration to consider this today:)



  87.  #87lk on February 6, 2012 at 11:20 am

    “I will bring abundance and income to our relationship always, but I don’t want to be the stable breadwinner. I want to do it in creative ways, by being the frugal matriarch who grows vegetables and takes time to repair ripped clothes instead of buying new ones. I want to work on side projects for income (BIG income) and let it add to our fortune. But I don’t want to be one responsible for the electric bill.

    “To some, this might seem unfair or high maintenance or stuck up, but I believe my contribution would be worth just as much financially as the man’s. I just don’t feel good thinking about being the one who earns the money to keep the lights on. I want to be the one who keeps more of my husband’s hard earned money in the bank by being the vanguard of frugality and abundance.”

    hmmmm still thinking… would love to read other Siren beliefs or feelings about Men & Dollars



  88.  #88Mel on February 6, 2012 at 11:22 am

    lk,

    No we haven’t had any money talks. We’ll work out the details as the “plan” gets closer. We both work, so I suspect we would both contribute to the household. That’s what would feel good to me anyways.

    He has expressed to me that he would like to help me achieve my dream, which feels wonderful to hear. It feels amazing to have a such a supportive person believe in me so whole-heatedly.



  89.  #89Starla on February 6, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Mel, what is your dream?

    BTW, I am terrified of bees, but now when I see them (sometimes we get them in winter here when everything warms up all freaky for a day in the winter…ohhh i love this place), I think of you and how you get so close to them and feel so excited about them… it’s hard for me to feel so scared:).



  90.  #90Mel on February 6, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Starla,

    “I bet part of you is freaked out by the thought of hearing it. And part of him knows this.”

    Hrmmmm….. I don’t know. I accidentally blurted it out about a month ago. I just felt it and couldn’t stop myself, I guess. But it didn’t feel weird or expectant. He was silent, but hugged me so hard. Then the next day I got the million other funny expressions. LOL



  91.  #91Mel on February 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Starla,

    I’ll FB you my dream. To maintain some anonymity. 😉



  92.  #92Starla on February 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

    hehe awwwww that’s cute that you blurted it out. i am probably projecting my own fear of the ‘i love you’ exchange.

    but seriously, i bet before you know it, you guys will be nauseating his children with “no i love *you* more…”



  93.  #93Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Rori Raye says:

    “…Is there a place nearby that you could walk to that you can feel is a “sacred space”?…”

    SLV:
    Yes, I’m in it. Where I live, where I’m sitting now, and out the doors through the secret gardens and into the woods. Amazingly there is virgin forest nearby unknown to millions of people who live in this city.



  94.  #94Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

    @894: Zara says:
    “551: Senior Lady Vibe
    We might chat on the gmail chat some day, using the microphone, I feel bored when I write nowadays.”

    That might be fun. I’ve used gmail chat for writing instant messages. I also Skyped a bit last year but I no longer have microphone headset.



  95.  #95Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

    I have a date with a CD tonight that I do not want to go on. I need to feel open and willing to be surprised, but I feel nervous and turned off. He texts me and doesn’t know how to be playful and he always gives me everything I ask for! No mystery! No fun back-and-forth! I feel like this is basic stuff. Oh sirens, what should I do? How do I chase away these icky I-don’t-even-want-to-give-him-a-chance feelings?



  96.  #96Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Sirens,

    M just texted me:

    ‘Hi L, my dad is at the hospital. I might be late tonight. I’ll keep you posted’

    Any suggestions on how to answer? I feel so worried for his dad.



  97.  #97Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I had a feeling about tonight. Should I say’ is tomorow better for you, what do you think?’



  98.  #98Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 11:57 am

    hey, Lolita. I feel like “I feel so worried for your dad” would be a perfect start. Rescheduling would probably be best. Maybe say, “I want us to both feel good and undistracted when we’re spending time together. Do you want to reschedule?” Or something?



  99.  #99Starla on February 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    95 iamabutterfly
    forgive me for saying this, but wowwwwwwww if i ever seen a woman that is turned off by nice guys, you’re her.

    all the more reason to go on a date with him tonight.

    can you get really curious about him? Ask yourself, “I wonder where he bought that shirt….I wonder what his preference is for his facial hair..”

    You gotta work through this feeling too turned off to even give him a chance thing, or else you’re dooming yourself to a lifetime of bad boys or bad boys in disguise. This CD has come to heal you. He sounds like a bit of a doormat to you, so he’s very likely not the love of your life:P But he is so worth practicing on.



  100.  #100Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    @1087: Brenda says:
    “…Team MAMA –
    Make
    A
    Move
    Already!….”

    Oh! 😀 Always doing that…it’s fun!
    @
    62: Brenda says:
    “Vim – vigor, pep, energy, dash.”

    I especially like the dash part.



  101.  #101Mel on February 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Iamabutterfly,

    I didn’t feel like giving Mr. a a chance at first…. Just sayin’ 😉



  102.  #102Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    @ 99 Starla – Oh, Starla. Great advice. If I’m going to be completely honest, I have a really hard time not HATING MEN.

    I’m not sure where this stems from.

    I guess I felt abadoned by my dad, and I’ve felt completely USED by men that I was foolish enough to actually care (DEEPLY, dang it) about.

    I feel like trying to feel curious about this new CD will help. He does seem like a really nice guy, and that’s why I want to give him a chance.

    I feel sad.

    I feel like I’ve been USED so much because I’ve felt so desperate for “love” in the past.

    I like the feeling of being toyed with. I feel intrigued and excited by guys who keep me guessing.

    I like the chase. I even like the feeling of rejection, as long as i’ve had a good game of it.

    I’ve got issues, don’t I?



  103.  #103lk on February 6, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    @Lolita

    i’d just start with “oh, i feel so worried about your dad…. & i feel sad you’re having to go through that”

    & let him lead the Planning or Scheduling…

    what do you think ?



  104.  #104Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    @101 Mel – That’s what so many women say. It makes me feel angry for some reason. Like, why can’t I actually catch and keep the interest of someone I’m really intrigued by, and not just guys that seem like pushovers who are too eager for my attention?

    Does that make sense?

    and I’ve fallen really hard for guys that I haven’t been attracted to at first, but the instances have been rare.

    (I feel young and inexperienced. Probably because I am…)



  105.  #105Luzydel on February 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    I feel uncomfortable writing about deep inner stuff here. It feels like all the focus is about men and CD’s. Like yayyy a man like us! I do not mean that it is a bad thing, it is great, but men leave. They are mutable and our happiness should not depend in them dating us or leaving us. I was grocery shopping today and I passed by some bouquets of flowers, I touched them and felt awkward thinking of buying them to myself. Gee I should wait for a man to buy me flowers right?

    But it has been over 8 years a man doesn’t get me flowers; It has been many years since a man is not at my door saying Luzydel I am sorry I screwed up and hand me flowers, and tell me all it is going to be okay and hug me and take care of me, and tell me he will never forget about my needs again.

    Then I was there and looking at those carnations and I realized that it’s been years since I have not tell that to myself, actually I have never done that to myself.
    So a bought the flowers, and I said to myself I am sorry for leaving you behind to chase after a man, I am sorry for not taking care of you, and I promise that I will never forget about my needs again and I paid for the flowers and put them in a base as a reminder that I have me.

    Yes I want to have a healthy relationship with a man, but it has not happened and I forbid myself to think it is something I am doing or not doing, it has just not happened yet; him and I have not crossed paths yet; and while that happens I am going to give myself those nice things I want. So when he gets here will know that for me I am first.

    Then again, maybe I just have to learn contempt on being on my own and loving myself. Maybe all the love I need and deserve is withing me.

    I am such a nostalgic loner, and I love my nostalgia and my loneliness there is nothing wrong of being who I am. I love me!!!



  106.  #106Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Sometimes I feel like hurting men as a way of indirectly hurting the men who’ve hurt me. I know this is extremely unhealthy, but the desire to it is still there deep down. Any thoughts on how to heal this?



  107.  #107Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I’m attracted to men who show an interest in me and treat me well.



  108.  #108Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    @105 Luzydel – girl, that felt absolutely beautiful to read. Go you!



  109.  #109Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    @107 Senior Lady Vibe – I feel jealous of you and this healthy attraction that you have…power to you!



  110.  #110Mel on February 6, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Iamabutterfly,

    Oh… the thing is the guy is absolutely intriguing and funny and interesting and sexy and handsome, but I just didn’t realize it at first. When I first met him, I thought he was nice, and okay looking… but a little boring, I disliked how he “agreed” with me all the time and was always trying to “please” me, he seemed too eager, wasn’t charging me up you know? It wasn’t that “instant” chemistry that I had experienced (and failed) with others. Rori speaks a lot about instant chemistry usually being with the guys that are all wrong for us.



  111.  #111Starla on February 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    102, iamabutterfly

    you make it sound like THEY’RE the prize in your mind.

    WRONG *buzzer sound*. YOU are the prize 🙂
    <3



  112.  #112Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I feel really triggered and angry.

    Lately, I’ve been getting noticed by men so much and it just feels repulsive to me.

    I mean on one hand, It feels good because it feels empowering, but it also feels slimey somehow.

    I feel like so many of you notice me but it’s never enough!

    I feel hatred towards men.

    The more I learn about men, the more I learn that they’re really not that much different from women, but I still feel this seething hatred.

    Where in the world is this coming from?



  113.  #113Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    @105: Luzydel says:
    “…So a bought the flowers,
    …I love me!!!…”

    Yay! I have a big vase of beautiful fresh flowers too.
    😀



  114.  #114Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    @110 Mel – Thanks. 🙂 I know this. Really, I do, at least on some level.

    @Starla 111 – Thanks! I know I’m the prize! I feel curious, though? What did I write that made it sound like “they” were the prize? I’m not seeing it…



  115.  #115mali on February 6, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    @ Iamabutterfly:

    Ohhh, I can relate. Gosh, can I sure as hell relate.

    If I don’t sense that slight arrogance/cockiness- it’s like… BORING!

    But on the otherhand, I do know a few nice guys who are genuinely lovely yet opinionated and confident… I don’t think I’d feel turned off if they asked me out.

    But I don’t get as excited by the nice guys who ask me out.

    I want excitement, and the rush, and…. whoaaa, you know?



  116.  #116Starla on February 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    iamabutterfly, hahaha i remember mel feeling irritated with Mr. A’s willingness to please her:) and now look at them:)

    through that door is happiness.



  117.  #117Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    I don’t necessarily feel “excited” with SeenmecryCD, but I am very physically attracted to him (he has a nice body, great eyes and smile, hehe), and I feel calm with him, but not turned off…



  118.  #118Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    why do I feel so angry?



  119.  #119Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    @109: Iamabutterfly says:
    “…@107 Senior Lady Vibe – I feel jealous of you and this healthy attraction that you have…power to you!….”

    Oh, no. Don’t be jealous. I’ve been intrigued and waylaid by bad boys too… I just let that fade…

    But a genuinely interested guy is appealing, don’t you think? That doesn’t mean I’ve wanted to marry everyone I’ve met! And I’d bet you like to be treated well too. So I think we are not far apart.

    I know a few cute, interesting older guys but when all they want to do is talk about themselves, I can only stand them for a few minutes…
    😯



  120.  #120Starla on February 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    114 iamabutterfly:

    “I like the feeling of being toyed with. I feel intrigued and excited by guys who keep me guessing.

    I like the chase. I even like the feeling of rejection, as long as i’ve had a good game of it.”



  121.  #121Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    I feel so annoyed and angry! Where are these feelings coming from? I want wisdom and understanding! I want an escape!!! A release!!! I want justification for these feelings!!!! GRRRRRR.



  122.  #122Mel on February 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    116:

    Ha ha! me too Starla!!

    Now let’s just say his “willingness to please” has made Mel a very satisfied woman! (wink, wink). 😉



  123.  #123Goodheart on February 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Oh, Iamabutterfly, I felt the same way as you once (for a long time). You said yourself, you are young, so that’s good! You’re learning things early.

    For me, it was always just about loving & accepting myself. Somehow I didn’t feel worthy of the “good” guys, the ones who treated me well. When I finally understood that & started loving myself, it healed.

    My bf is absolutely a “good” guy – treats me like a princess. And he turns me on like no other 🙂



  124.  #124Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    How about:

    ‘I feel so sad you have to go through that… I hope he’s ok. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Ok, keep me posted.’

    OR

    ‘I feel so sad you have to go through that… Keep me posted. Is tomorow better you think?’



  125.  #125Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    How about:

    ‘I feel so sad you have to go through that… I hope he’s ok. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Ok, keep me posted.’

    OR

    ‘I feel so sad you have to go through that… Keep me posted. Is tomorow better you think?’



  126.  #126Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    @120 Starla – Thanks. I have to chew on this…I’m still not getting it…

    “I feel intrigued and excited by guys who keep me guessing…” okay…I should be the one intriguing and keeping them guessing? I NEED to have a little play!

    I’m not the prize because I like being toyed with? (all I can think of is “prizes” in Happy Meals and how they ARE toys)

    I’m not the prize because I like the chase? (okay, I need to be the one being chased…I get that…)

    @119 Senior Lady Vibe – yeah, a genuinely interested guy is appealing. I just feel like there aren’t enough! (I know, I know. This is so not true, it just feels like it sometimes…)



  127.  #127Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    @123 Goodheart – Thanks for the hope! 🙂



  128.  #128lk on February 6, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    @Luzydel

    yummy i love to spoil myself : )

    i actually get more Juice out of gifts from myself than from gifts from others…. like….. Wow ! that self-love : ) i know everything about myself & still I believe that i deserve lovely things that satisfy my Desires : ))) aww (((lk)))



  129.  #129Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Sirens, what do you think of my 2 text options above?



  130.  #130Starla on February 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    iamabutterfly–
    prize, as in a game. He is chasing YOU. he is playing YOUR carnival game, trying to pop enough balloons with darts to trade up from winning just a date with you to your whole heart after he pops enough balloons with darts of pleasing you.

    it is entirely possible he is not the one for you, but give it a few dates to see what develops. At worst, you’ll have practiced receiving and relating to a nice guy who doesn’t make a woman chase him like a little boy.

    also, let him kiss you. a few times:) CF was way too nice to me in the beginning too. It took him 3 or 4 dates just to kiss me, and the first kiss was boooorinnnngggg. He was so nice and scared that it gave me no passion.

    Now when he kisses me, I feel like my whole heart is on fire and my knees literally give out sometimes.



  131.  #131Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    @129 Lolita – The first parts of your texts feel perfect, but the parts where you offer help or ask about tomorrow feel very masculine-energy to me. It may be a while before he feels like spending time with you again. He might feel so much more respected by you if you respect him by letting him be the ones to pick things back up…



  132.  #132Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Having a big bunch of guys attracted to you can be considered an asset. I’d smile on it and try to sort through and find a couple of the nicer ones and throw back the rest.

    Just finding a “number” of guys is a challenge for me. Yesterday I looked at the selection of guys e-mailed to me from a dating site and most of them have screened me out by age. I don’t mean younger guys… guys my age… guys older than me!

    There was one in the bunch who was over 70, several years older than I but he was “accepting” only woman who… get this… and wait for drum roll… were FIFTEEN years YOUNGER than I.

    C’mon, his “ideal age range” range was 20 to 50! LOL

    And he “wanted children.” ROFL

    Average age 35????? Are ANY of you woman with biological clocks still running, seriously looking for septugenarians? I was thinking, uh, no! Oh, yeah I think he was about 5′ 8″ and not a college grad either, no hair on top but had some long hair combed down around the sides and back, like a hippie, well probably was one.

    This might not interest you, but I’m just posting concerns that are different and HUGE. Guess, I’ll look at it as a FUN challenge. Wheeeeee!
    😆

    Now, y’all know one reason I try to keep my sense of humour…



  133.  #133Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    @130 Starla – Thanks for your advice and encouragment! It makes me feel mothered and special! 🙂



  134.  #134lk on February 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    @Lolita

    when you say “keep me posted” or “let me know” or “i hope”

    it sounds lean-y to me…

    if it were me, i would only share 1 or 2 feelings & let him lead.

    what do you think?



  135.  #135Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    @132 Senior Lady Vibe – I love your spunk! I’m 27, but I’ve been mistaken for much younger, and I love it! This new CD is younger than me, now that I think of it…



  136.  #136Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    So I just had a weird conversation with my mom. Not that I ever have “normal” conversations with her. When I do, there is usually not any substance.

    I am getting better and better at expressing myself with her without “losing it.” I am getting better at keeping a larger view of things, keeping perspective on the situation, and calling her out on her “BS” – but in a loving way, I like to think. Loving, because I am doing so in order to keep my dignity, self-respect and self esteem (even if she doesn’t understand). To defend the truth of who and how I am – not to succumb to her distractions and attempts at emotional manipulation. It is so hard NOT to get pulled in…I can watch her using every trick in the book. (and by “the book,” I mean the metaphorical book, but also the book I have on verbally abusive relationships.) Verbal abuse is never what you think. Verbal abuse is often (if not almost always) disguised as someone who loves you and cares about you a lot. In fact, it usually DOES come from someone who loves you and cares about you a lot. They tend to manipulate and abuse you “in the name of love.” This is my story. This is how it’s been done to me in the past, and I accepted it all through my childhood, because I didn’t know any better. Now, I have to say, it’s still hard not to know any better. It’s still hard to command respect, trust and admiration in an intimate relationship, because I don’t expect those things to be there. It is hard to tolerate generosity, gentleness and kindness, because I don’t expect them to be there either. And it is hard to tolerate or recognize love when there is not a whiplash tail of guilt, blame, criticism and rejection of all my core values that follows it….My, I hope I am healing from all this stuff. I hope that my noticing of painful triggers popping up is a signal of deeper awareness on new levels, and personal growth – meaning that I have healed some areas, and now I’ve found new ones that were hidden before. Peeling back the onion. Getting to the core of truth, love, and self-respect. And not rejecting love because it’s love.

    At least I hope so. Because I want what I saw my friend experiencing yesterday: such a beautiful ceremony and celebration of the love she shares with her new husband. An easy, relaxed, joyful union that is founded on trust, respect and love. Nothing forced or faked. No games, and no manipulation. Just true love and commitment, and a community of family and friends to support that. It’s hard to imagine that I could be worthy of something so wonderful. My perfectionist self is afraid of me “screwing it up.” But I know that’s not the point.

    Something my friend’s sister, the Bridesmaid, said in her toast really stuck with me. She said she learned from my friend that having a relationship is not something you do once. It is not a noun, a static thing at all. It is an active force, a thing you do every day, moment to moment, all the time. Maybe I have been thinking of relationship as a noun. But I don’t want it as a noun. I don’t want a boyfriend that is a “thing” in my life. I want a partner, who is a verb. Who is a constant, active presence in my life, that I can talk to, relate to, have conversations with. And still be myself. Because I am also a verb, relating to myself in new and different ways all the time. What philosopher am I thinking of? Was it Plato? Sophocles? Whoever it was, who said that life is like a river; you never step into the same water twice. People are the same. The river or the stream may look similar from day to day, but the water itself is constantly changing and moving.

    Wow, this post is longer than I thought. I am still fighting the urge to want “more” to come from K. I know he’ll give me what he wants to give me, when he wants to give it. I *want* to be surprised. But I HATE the waiting and the uncertainty. Maybe I can find something certain and concrete to work with and focus on, while I am waiting…..



  137.  #137Starla on February 6, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    133 Iamabutterfly,
    You are so welcome:):):) I feel amused by the mothering thing…sorry if I come on so strong! I’m barely 27 years old:P



  138.  #138lk on February 6, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    @iamabutterfly

    if i didn’t like Nice Men…. who would wake up before me every morning & make me coffee & breakfast & pack me a lunch to take to work ? who would rub my feet ? who would let me blast Spice Girls at any time of the day or night & always tell me when i’m running late, “no, baby, you’ll arrive just when you’re supposed to” ?

    : )

    &, like Mel said…. the men aren’t Not Sexy… : ))))) FAR from it !!!!

    they just don’t give you the High that you get from a Toxic Man….. like, Oh ! Yes ! He TXTD me ! ……. like, that shouldn’t be “good behavior” or even “note-worthy”….. or like, He WAS flirting with that girl, but I Won him away for a few minutes where he seemed really Into Me………….. or like, oh yay after yesterday i thought he for sure wouldn’t like me anymore since i was in a bad mood but now he’s inviting me over, so i must be Forgiven….

    Good Men don’t withdraw to Punish… they withdraw to Process. Good Men don’t believe that Men&Women should Split the Relationship Burden… they expect to carry you & the Relationship. Good Men aren’t alarmed by women who feel Sad or Angry… they are inspired & they want to help.



  139.  #139Starla on February 6, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Cheers to good men!!!!!!



  140.  #140Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    @137 Starla – oh wow! In spite of our close proximity in age, I feel like you are WAY farther along in emotional maturity. I seriously still feel like I have the emotional maturity of a teenager…either way, I like feeling mothered! 🙂



  141.  #141Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Sirens, I need help, PLEASE!!

    Man I Live With has been staying elsewhere for 3 wks.

    He has told me a few times, you are so beautifully devoted to me, I wonder if I am making a mistake… and he finds me attractive, good sex, devoted, everything but there are just things I am not filling for him.

    I have been looking at some of rori’s things and she says the roads that do NOT work are the physical, mental, and spiritual roads- it is the emotional road you have to take.

    I feel like we’ve had problems connecting and I feel like I have not been educated enough about what to do. Because I too would like more emotional connection with him.

    I use feeling messages as often as possible also.

    I WANT Modern Siren and any programs that could help me but I can’t afford them. I have Reconnect your relationship, but I feel like I still need more tools and guidance.

    Especially right now.

    He came over earlier in the weekend and I felt closed to him – the baby had been screaming for 2 hours (and I feel it’s because he isn’t around) and then he started talking to me about a project and questioning me and I heard all the voices from before where he is attacking me about it..(and that wasn’t what was happening in the moment!) .. we ended up discussing rlsp again and having a horrible time, me crying the rest of the evening, and then begging him to come home that night, and then he ignored me from Saturday nite until just NOW.

    He is not HOME, has slept with other people, and is telling me he doesn’t want to be my life partner anymore…at least not now.. Additionally he told me he was just taking space and wouldn’t promise to only focus on working on our relationship and not see other people but that we WOULD still be together- now he says we need to be friends and grow a strong foundation there before we can do anything else. he mentions communication and all that – but we can do all these things within a romantic rlsp.

    I so much want to just tell him to come home no matter what. I don’t care what he does, as I feel so loved by God that when I am in my good moments full of faith and strength, I realize that he always comes home to me and that we can improve things..
    I realize this must sound awful to some, but you know I love him. I am not sure this *wouldn’t* be okay, if I could always feel that Goddessy.

    Look at this text he just sent me.
    “thank you for moving from anger to request for love. I know this is hard for you & for me too. Please help me help us by accepting and working on our new relationship as friends. Lets be the best we can be to each other. I will do my best to avoid inappropriate sexual behavior toward you and find time for baby weekly”

    … I texted back “Didn’t you say that you wanted to take space but we would still be together?” because I am confused about why he suddenly doesn’t want to keep me even while doing things with other women? I suppose it doesn’t matter.

    (he says “No I said its time to transform our relationship into a functional friendship. let’s be good to each other by letting go of past commitments and behaviors. Find the power to free one another inside the love we share” —

    I responded “you did say we would still be together even while taking space. before you left and even right after. I am confused why now you are saying we should not be romantic and have sex. but it doesn’t matter”)

    … He says:
    The constraints that sex with us brings about, such as the desire for exclusivity is one reason, another is the emotional turmoil. Again I clearly request to start over as friends. Lets take all the good we know about each other and use it as our foundation to grow in this new way”

    I feel like I am doing HORRIBLY here, please help, Sirens!!

    What I need Help with!!!:

    Considering the above current circumstances,
    should I allow him to come around (like the rori raye third way).. or should I NOT since he is saying it is only friends, not a romantic relationship?

    Also, the baby thing.. weekly is NOT ENOUGH! Even daily doesn’t feel like enough -even if it’s an hour. The baby is used to him always being home, night and morning, in and out throughout the day. The baby is having a hard time. I am afraid of him NOT being in baby’s life- but I also want him to be a good example of how to treat a woman. I don’t want to get what I’m afraid of (him NOT in baby’s life) by cutting him off.. but this is hard. I feel so hurt. It is not easy for me to see him when he is telling me he wants nothing with me! :'( What do I do?

    The third thing I have considered is the law of Allowance….

    which scenario is correct application of the Law of Allowance, below?:

    (read this blog post for what the Law of Allowance is:)
    http://www.becomingnow.com/resistance_to_manifestation.html#HCB_comment_box

    I want my partner to be home, love me, work on our relationship, be faithful to me. I allow him to be around, I simply appreciate when he IS spending time with me, and all the things I LIKE about what he does, and I let the rest go. for example, even if he chooses to see other people, I just acknowledge it as my own creation – seeing other people is only manifesting because of MY POWER- my power of appreciating/allowing. When I can learn to be single-minded in my focus on ALLOWING, my focus on appreciating what I DO like, the things i don’t like will fall away. If I were however, to SAY I don’t like them, or to resist them, say “no” to them, I would in effect be saying yes to them… because all energy is yes energy.

    OR

    I want my partner to be home with me and love me, take care of our family. He is out with other people, “taking space” staying elsewhere. I am clear on what I want, and I do not accept anything less. I tell him I am open to him contacting me if he would like to discuss being home and faithful to me. I place a boundary and do not allow anything less.

    Just tell me what you all think, Sirens, because I am a little confused with my spiritual and practical applications here.

    He wants to be FRIENDS?! I want a HUSBAND, I want my partner to come HOME and take care of our FAMILY! UGH!

    God please, help me get some of the Rori programs somehow, I really just need to learn a lot more!!!



  142.  #142Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    @138 lk – I love it! Feels very wise…



  143.  #143Starla on February 6, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    140 – iamabutterfly

    awww thanks. I can’t take too much credit…all I did was listen to Rori and the sirens as much as possible. sometimes it takes time for it to click. I mean…I’ve been posting here for 3 years. I used to be Dorothea here.



  144.  #144Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    I feel guilty for saying this, but I still don’t want to go on the date…:\



  145.  #145Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    @136: Tiffany says:

    “..;It’s still hard to command respect, trust and admiration in an intimate relationship, because I don’t expect those things to be there…”

    That seems a chore, difficult and a lot of energy could be expended in that effort. I don’t believe I’m able to “command” respect, trust and admiration. I’d rather take that energy and do something nice or fun for myself.

    I will work on being respectable, trustworthy and admiring myself. Hmm, that’s about it for me in that area. If there is no mutual respect, trust and admiration then there will not be an intimate relationship with that particular person.



  146.  #146Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    @143 Starla – haha, it takes me FOREVER for things to click. I guess I’m doing alright, because it usually does EVENTUALLY click…thank goodness.



  147.  #147Iamabutterfly on February 6, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I keep telling myself: “he’s got to be an awesome guy, because he noticed YOU!” That feels helpful…



  148.  #148Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Ok so I wrote (LK I missed your last poste unforunately)

    ‘I feel sad you have to go trough that… Hoping it’s not too serious and he’s ok. Ok, let me know.

    What do you think? Did I fudge up again?



  149.  #149Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Ok so I wrote (LK I missed your last poste unforunately)

    ‘I feel sad you have to go trough that… Hoping it’s not too serious and he’s ok. Ok, let me know.

    What do you think? Did I fudge up again?



  150.  #150Sondra on February 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    @ #141 – S-T Siren –

    My heart brakes for you, Rori tells us to always believe it when a man tells us he is not the one for us, he does not love us, he does not want a relationship . . . he just wants to be friends.

    I had a recent break-up with a man I would have done anything for, but he did not want me. Rori told me to literally “Get away from him!” and I did. When we were discussing his lack of feelings for me, he actually said, “I know I am going to wake up one morning and relaize I let the only woman who ever loved me get away” . . . Yes he did – and I’m better off just like he predicted! I have since found a great guy who it appears would do anything for ME . . . this relationship is making you miserable! How much worse can you actually feel if you just stop the madness and let him go?

    I would say, focus on yourself and your baby and not on this man who does not treasure you – he is not The One and how will The One ever find you if you stay all tangled up with someone who only hurts your self esteem?



  151.  #151lk on February 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    lol @ the sweet man asking me to pick something up from the grocery: ” I was thinking of making … if that sounds desirable. If you would kindly pick up some greens that would be nice. Thanks and I’m excited to see you this evening : ) ”

    & i learn a way for asking : )

    oh shy lk can say, ” i was imagining……that sounds lovely….. & actually if you would help me, it would feel so nice if you……….. thank you ! wow, i can’t wait to see my complete vision manifested : ))) “



  152.  #152Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I do have Reconnect Your Relationship. I wish I had Modern Siren.

    I really need to know how to respond to him here, what to say to these texts.

    And how to use the Law of Allowance, because it’s there, it can’t be avoided, I have to learn to use it properly.

    God I wish this wasn’t affecting the baby so much. I am afraid if I say don’t contact me not EVEN about the baby, he will feel discouraged and give up if he even had a glimmer of love for us.

    He tells me he doesn’t feel “IN love” with me.
    And the only thing I can think of is that I haven’t been IN love enough with myself, I’ve been too busy being exhausted and taking care of the baby and our family and scrambling for money.. ughhh i just feel like covering my head and going to sleep.

    I feel so good when I am feeling confident and faithful so I am going to remember that God is all powerful, God is bigger than ANY of this, and can handle all that is going on with the partying “friends” that need to fall away and with helping Man I Live With face himself and do the growth and the healing he needs to do. I don’t know how many of you here ask for this guidance in your life but I do, and I believe God works all things to the good of those who love him – (obey his directions, love others, and ask things that are within his will). I believe that God can do much more than I can ever ask or imagine. I have been praying non stop, trying to pray instead of call or text him, and have been sharing prayer requests with others, and have seen results each time. just going to keep praying, and hope I figure out how to approach this.



  153.  #153lk on February 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    & instead of “would help me” i actually want to tweak it so it’s “if you want to help me…. it would feel so nice if….”

    so that i don’t should/would him into doing something, which feels like Ropes

    instead, i say Want….acknowledging his individual Life Force & Desires & inviting him to Flow My Way : )) yum : )) like wind…. a different kind of Knots lol



  154.  #154Luzydel on February 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Again A dry spell from POF no messages; it usually goes on a pattern. Suddenly I get like 10 emails, then I get nothing no emails or anything. Joined another site today for Latino Singles…we will see, I am not even thinking of anything. Just going out and meet a new person. I said I already dropped my obsession with a relationship.



  155.  #155lk on February 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    @silver-tongued siren

    i read the article you linked to.

    “When you try to figure how what you want will manifest, especially when it seems so far out of the realm of immediate potentials, you are resisting your desire. You can’t think about what you want and how it will manifest simultaneously. The asking is allowing; the figuring out how it will manifest is resisting its creation in your experience…

    “Your job is to maintain your attention upon the internal sensations that are in harmony with what you want.”

    it sounds to me like you can apply this person’s Beliefs to your Scenario with MILW ?

    maybe it could look like….

    ” i feel so at ease & powerful when i trust God & when i feel Safe & Cared-For by all the Men & Women in my life….. MILW has given me this sort of care….. X has also given me this sort of care….. Baby gives me this sort of care : ) ….. ”

    & i wouldn’t want to be Just Friends – sounds like torture ! i’d say, no, thank you : ) i want to feel Safe & Cared-For & for me that feels like having a Man who i can rely on to be Faithful & also to always Come Home…. & i’d say to him, what should we do ?



  156.  #156Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Sondra-

    I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

    “:Rori tells us to always believe it when a man tells us…..”

    I do believe him. That is how he feels right this minute. But I realize it is because I have leaned forward way too much and have not inspired him properly. This is why he does not feel “in love” with me – I have not felt “in love” enough with myself – I have been too busy to take care of myself, and have tried too hard when I shouldn’t have.

    It breaks his heart to think about not having me in his life AT ALL, he has even cried before, when this has come up, and he is trying everything he can think of to keep my in his life on some level right now. This has kept him hanging on for so long – because he believed I would do it- HE STILL CARES, and I have to do something about all this while he still cares!!

    Rori did it with her husband, and so can I.

    If that means I have to cut him out completely in order to inspire him, I will. Or if it means I have to allow him in my life to connect with me as friends then I will. Maybe.

    This is all in my hands, I am so powerful right now, and it is my power being wielded improperly that has caused this.

    Any man who is capable of having a relationship, regardless of his issues, steps up. And When I back away and lean back, this man steps up where he has to, if I lean back hard enough. And that tells me he can do this. I just need to learn HOW to behave in my particular situation.

    I AM focusing on myself and the baby, and our daughter as well. That is why I am concerned about how to learn to lean back. I have to learn this if I want to save my family and I have to learn this to be successful no matter what relationship I am in, and right now I am in a situation where it has to be applied and feel like I’m not getting it right!

    Feeling so frustrated!!

    Thanks for all the love, Sondra and Sirens!



  157.  #157lk on February 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    @STS

    the point that article makes which i hear as most Healing for me is the idea of not Fixating on Something as the “solution” for your ideal manifestation… & instead focusing on the Feeling you want to have …. & then inviting that Feeling into your heart & allowing it to open up throughout your life…. Be Surprised : )))

    so for me, imagining your situation… that looks like you not caring too much about whether MILW stays in your life or goes…. sounds like 1x/week feels bad, so i wouldn’t do that…… it doesn’t sound like it would make you feel how you want to feel….. & just keep doing your Life with your Heart Focus on your feeling of Faithful Trusting Accepted Safety ? or whatever that Ideal Feeling sounds/looks like to you….

    what do you think ?



  158.  #158Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    A great article! So long, but I actually just read the whole thing…

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read



  159.  #159Practicing girl on February 6, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    @ Daria, thanks for your earlier comment on my first post…your words felt so encouraging and were received with heartfelt gratitude…and especially helped to calm my NV’s which had showed up while my post spent what felt like such a long time in moderation!!! It feels wonderful to be treated kindly.

    Love Practicing Girl.



  160.  #160Starla on February 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Great article, Tiffany, thanks for sharing! I read the whole thing too:) I feel so good fantasizing about parenting and domestic stuff right now.



  161.  #161Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    @158 Tiffany

    I’m always excited about SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816

    😀



  162.  #162Starla on February 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Hi Ladies,
    Can I post about having sex with CF? It was joyful and wonderful, and I want to share. I have very little shame when it comes to this stuff, but I’m honestly not sure how other sirens would feel reading about it. Just let me know:) and I’ll honor your wishes. Your comfort here feels very important to me. Either way is okay with me!!



  163.  #163Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Sirens,

    I am really stressed now.

    I texted M ‘I feel sad you have to go trough that… Hoping it’s not too serious and he’s ok. Ok, let me know.’

    to his text about his dad being in the hospital.

    What do you think? Did I fudge up again? Did I overdo?



  164.  #164Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    @SLV – #145

    I get what you are saying, but, to clarify, I did not mean “command” in the sense that I would be “doing” something. Just that trust, love, etc., would be things I would experience in the relationship.

    Starting with yourself is certainly the place to start. Like the Inner Bonding thing. That’s where I go to now, because that’s the best option for me, too. but in fact, I DO trust myself – I’ve always had to, as a matter of survival. The purpose, or the feeling behind my post was just extreme loss and sadness that I have NEVER been able to experience this from the people who matter to me the most – my parents.

    I don’t expect anyone to understand this unless you’ve been through a similar situation. But this is how I am, and this is how it is for me.

    I can only speak about my own experience…



  165.  #165Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    @SLV #161 – yeah, well you should be! 😉



  166.  #166Sun Goddess on February 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Starla share away!



  167.  #167Starla on February 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Lolita, you did great!! The only suggestion I could make to you (this is important) is that you stop worrying so much inside about what he thinks of you. You are the prize and the yummy pie. I hate to see you so distraught. You’re going to make yourself sick with worry. Perhaps this is a great time to sink into and riff through your feelings. Much love to you!!!



  168.  #168Starla on February 6, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Question: Do any of you ladies feel weird heartburny stuff when you eat nuts? I love almonds and stuff for snacking but it always makes me feel like that when I eat nuts.



  169.  #169T-Girl on February 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Lolita, I think you did great. By the way, did I miss an update aboug what happened when you saw him driving or was that someone else on the blog?



  170.  #170T-Girl on February 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Ooh, starla go ahead and post about the sex!



  171.  #171Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    I am like that with certain nuts Starla. I had also developed sensitivity with almonds some years ago because I ate them everyday. I developed a rash around my ankle that disappeared when I stopped eating them. So I learned to rotate my nuts and eat them every 3rd day. If I were you I would skip a couple of days then eat about 7 and see how my body reacts to it.



  172.  #172Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #162 – I’d love to hear what you have to share!



  173.  #173Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Lolita,

    RE: #162 – It’s fine! Just let it rest.



  174.  #174Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #168 – I never feel heartburn with nuts. But I know the best treatment for it is vegetable enzymes. They are cheap, come in a bottle, and easily accessible from walmart or anywhere.



  175.  #175Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Thank you Brenda, T-Girl, LK and Starla,

    T-Girl, I never brought up the hwy thing but the next day or so we spoke and he mentionned driving into town this day and that day and asked ‘you drive into town every day?’ when he already perfectly knows I do. I think he was nudging to see if I saw him… anyway I let it go.



  176.  #176Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Wow… so much going on the blog, I forgot a lot of the comments I wanted to make!

    Thanks Lolita, Brenda, Starla, Liz and I’m sorry if I missed anyone else… I feel excited to get my candy business off the ground. It’s just a little side thing I do when I have time… but it could be big if I want it to be. I have a caterer that wants to meet with me, help me get business…. so I am super excited! I would feel like a new person not having credit card debt. What a relief!!! And, to do something I love, meet new people…. what a joy! I work in an office full time…. boring, but low stress, close to home and pays the bills. Plus, I work for good people…. love that.

    I intend to have more business cards made up, make some samples, get some pictures together and to meet with the caterer by the weekend. The wedding candy bar idea I was talking about this morning, it’s not a candy bar, like a snickers, it’s like a candy buffet. All sorts of choices, guests go up and fill a bag of what they want. It’s dessert/favors. I LOVE IT! It’s hard for me to believe that people spend that kind of money on candy for their wedding… but if they want to spend it, I’ll be glad to receive it!

    So, goal is to have my kitchen inspected, get my license, start a new website and go for it! Brenda, that’s awesome about your uncle! 🙂 I want to invent the mmmmeltaways. They are this chocolate peanut butter meltaway recipe I make, and mmmmm they are delicious! 🙂

    Mel, WOW~~~ I am so happy for you. Just amazing and inspiring! I love the party idea. I wonder if I sent you some chocolate, if it would melt? lol.

    Such big hugs, I am so proud of you and how far you’ve come. What a siren!

    I need to make dinner, but will check back in soon!

    HUgs!



  177.  #177Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Wow… so much going on the blog, I forgot a lot of the comments I wanted to make!

    Thanks Lolita, Brenda, Starla, Liz and I’m sorry if I missed anyone else… I feel excited to get my candy business off the ground. It’s just a little side thing I do when I have time… but it could be big if I want it to be. I have a caterer that wants to meet with me, help me get business…. so I am super excited! I would feel like a new person not having credit card debt. What a relief!!! And, to do something I love, meet new people…. what a joy! I work in an office full time…. boring, but low stress, close to home and pays the bills. Plus, I work for good people…. love that.

    I intend to have more business cards made up, make some samples, get some pictures together and to meet with the caterer by the weekend. The wedding candy bar idea I was talking about this morning, it’s not a candy bar, like a snickers, it’s like a candy buffet. All sorts of choices, guests go up and fill a bag of what they want. It’s dessert/favors. I LOVE IT! It’s hard for me to believe that people spend that kind of money on candy for their wedding… but if they want to spend it, I’ll be glad to receive it!

    So, goal is to have my kitchen inspected, get my license, start a new website and go for it! Brenda, that’s awesome about your uncle! 🙂 I want to invent the mmmmeltaways. They are this chocolate peanut butter meltaway recipe I make, and mmmmm they are delicious! 🙂

    Mel, WOW~~~ I am so happy for you. Just amazing and inspiring! I love the party idea. I wonder if I sent you some chocolate, if it would melt? lol.

    Such big hugs, I am so proud of you and how far you’ve come. What a siren!

    I need to make dinner, but will check back in soon!

    HUgs!



  178.  #178Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    From the last thread,

    Starbright –

    Man I Live With and I have been together for a few years. He began to hang out with someone at one point, cheating on me, emotionally, and when I thought that he had slept with her (and he probably would have if it had worked out that way) I immediately left him. (He did sleep with her after that).

    I planned to stay gone for good even though I had no place to go. Bio-Father was visiting in state at the time and I spent a night with him. A few weeks later I ended up finding out I was pregnant but it made more sense that it would be with Man I Live With. It just so happened that he wanted me to come home and “talk” about things and so I did, and that was when I told him I was pregnant. He tried to have sex with me then, also. (what is it with him trying to have sex with me CONSTANTLY when we’re not together?!)

    This was 2 1/2 yrs ago. He kept seeing this girl so I left again, but came back when it was the dead of winter and too cold for me to sleep in my car. I needed to be warm and safe and comfortable while I was pregnant.

    He continued this the entire 10 months I was pregnant, until he mentioned it to our midwife, as an “open relationship” which it was NOT because I did not agree at ALL – thinking she would be understanding. She yelled at him to stop it right now and focus on me, and worry about that later.
    So a week or two later (after it seemed like it was HIS decision, not because of her yelling at him), he stopped. Things were WONDERFUL for several months, until he was feeling unhappy that I could not go back to work at 3-4 months as planned (even though I DID work some gigs I could get, but no steady job). Money is very important for him. He feels like I am being a burden and not contributing equally (and I feel he has a flawed perception of this..)

    MILW knew I had slept with Bio-Father. When we did a test after the baby was born he was extremely sad and upset that the baby was not biologically his. 🙁 🙁 Even though before this he complained he did not want another dependent, he had decided that he was having a son with me and was ready to do it. He also said even if it was not his biological son we would raise him together and he was not against adopting. But encouraged me to let bio father know and I did, so he is also in our lives.

    Yes I think most men would not have an easy time if they knew the woman they were seeing was sleeping with two people. For the most part I haven’t. I prefer only one. It has happened at times when Man I Live With acted like he didn’t want me around (like the NYE previous to this), (and he acted VERY disappointed when he found out I had, but wouldn’t admit it)…. but he had been encouraging me to do so, and I figured if he didn’t care, I wouldn’t push away someone who did. But it was after that that he came back and found out that I HAD, and a couple of wks later started cheating on me with this second person. Since he was already unhappy with the money situation and communication situation anyway.. This happened a handful of times over 6-7 months.I told him I was LEAVING, and shortly thereafter, it stopped.

    But he has still been unhappy with the money situation, and feels he does his part in “paying the rent” even though I do all kinds of things for him, and now he is officially bartering with me for this –

    and so when I say I need more help, he says I do not appreciate the help he gives (financially, rent etc). even though I say I DO appreciate that – but I still need practical help with the baby to be able to work!

    baby has seperation anxiety, so it is not easy to let others watch him – and man i live with is very busy with work and going out. but, i also can’t afford childcare, and milw hasn’t offered that. he suggested I barter by offering my work (very physical work) for childcare- but I can’t find anyone who is available on the odd and sporadic hours I need to take clients. So I need to be able to PAY someone. I am already too exhausted to “barter” anyway – I do so much! This is one busy baby, and then there’s the house and laundry and just trying to take care of myself at all. I also had our daughter up until christmas, and she was missing more school than she was going to “being sick/migraines” on demand (not wanting to do things) and when she was at school she needed supervision with getting chores done and homework done.

    I am starting to think I will just start asking for money from bio father when I need it, but I feel uncomfortable with that, as it does not feel secure, I would rather know I had a set amount coming.

    … anyway sorry for explaining so much, I feel sorta foggy right now.

    Thanks for asking…

    Oh also,
    yes the men and how they handle it.. they both have had “an interest” in open relationships and I have been leaning way too forward and doing way too much for partner instead of putting myself first.

    They both have NEVER said a word but their actions tell me they worry a bit about it –
    the first time I asked bio father about it he seemed uncomfortable… and ..said no he tried not to think about it? but doesn’t ask me not to. … he seems to be caring more and more lately.. has even asked me a couple times when the last time I had sex was…

    and man i live with is suddenly on his toes when bio father comes around, wanting to be around more etc. always more attentive.

    but if either one said anything, they would then be bound to whatever terms they bound me to, I am being in their head right now, but that may be why they don’t?

    In fact really Bio Father has it perfectly right now. he sleeps with me when here and doesn’t have to worry about me otherwise as man i live with takes care of me so bio father can do what he wants.

    so why would he do anything different?
    and man i live with feels I am too much of a burden/dependent on him. I so wish I could do better financially but I can’t do it without more help!!! (because of baby!)

    I feel like I have leaned too forward with man-i-live-with, done too much, not been in love enough with myself – always trying to DO things. take care of our family. take care of our house. baby. etc.



  179.  #179Starla on February 6, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Oh my, I’m reading about food sensitivities and intolerance, and I think I should give up eggs for a while. I feel sad. This is my main source of morning protein.



  180.  #180mali on February 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Aurora Girl: Thankyou for the hugs! <3

    Hee hee I've just dialled into the Calling In the One course, and I'M SO EXCITED! 😀



  181.  #181Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Starla if I am not mistaken Quinoa is a good source of protein.



  182.  #182Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    @164: Tiffany says:
    “Just that trust, love, etc., would be things I would experience in the relationship…”

    OK. I got you. I do understand. I’ve experienced that, I do experience that. I even get that here on the Rori blog. It can be disappointing. Kind of mouth-dropping unbelievable sometimes too. I’m guessing also that your parents believe otherwise (which would make it worse)…. and I also believe your description is the more accurate one.

    I was reading something the other day about parents and offspring, discussing the same topic. It was pretty much in line with what I’ve discovered in that if waiting for “respecting, believing, trusting, confidence, acceptance and agreement etc to occur… a person might be waiting a long time if not forever. That is sad and disapointing…

    But then if I think enough about what I run into sometimes in everyday life it becomes absurd and humorous. My parents are both dead but if they were alive that kind of disappointed expectation would be nothing but sad.

    (((Tiffany)))

    SLV
    xoxo
    I wrote dissapointing and that looks funny, how many esses in disappointing… ?
    😆



  183.  #183Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    oh, and – the beginning of the last post – to clarify, I am CERTAIN with no doubt that there was sexual intention there. I did not leave because of any imagined circumstance, just to clarify.

    I felt it important to be understood about that since I have been wondering if he started cheating on me the second time partially due to his seeming disappointment that I that I had slept with Bio-Father while he was gone on the previous NYE (he DID make out with someone… I’m sure it was touchy feely, and besides, he forced me to stay at home nearly as a punishment as “I” couldn’t “afford” to go, and because he was so unhappy about this money situation. And he spends money all the time. on clothes, liquor, partying, camping, expensive dinners, loads of wine, whhhatttevvvverrrr.)

    (I feel confused. When I have money, I feel happy to spend it on others, especially my partner, but he seems to be so rooted in believing he is being taken advantage of by whatever woman financially… not sure why this is, but I can see how he would have a fear that if he gives gives gives, she will just take take take and never help contribute. I have worked hard to contribute, but it just hasn’t happened the way I would like it to. layoffs, emotional distress, lack of jobs available, babies.)
    Though I have paid my bills the majority of the time, other than the rent, as well as contributed in many other valuable ways. Yardwork/scaping, constant childcare for both children, driving daughter to doctors, school, or home, often at a moments notice when she gets “sick”, cooking (and I have become a VERY good cook) and having meals on the table whenever he asks, and most evenings, even with baby needing CONSTANT attention.. it’s hard cooking one handed…. laundry, ironing, house cleaning, I am one valuable lady. If I could get someone to PAY me for these things… lol!! and then pay to have a MAID service! lol.
    but I have been the maid service and that is an average of $70 an hour or visit. It seems like childcare is SO expensive, it’s not even worth working. so discouraging. I have to have think about something better after this post!

    he claims to appreciate it, but I feel like it’s never enough. He wants me to handle ALL these things near perfectly AND find a job (and I am a massage therapist! – it is hard to make money in this field unless you are an expert at marketing yourself because I live in a city flooded with them.). yet I have a baby who is only NOW even beginning to be comfortable with being away a LITTLE and is still not really comfortable without his parents, he gets edgy and clingy. sigh.

    I feel like I need to be so much more independent, financially as well as socially, to regain his love, to inspire him and let him feel in love with me again.

    I am learning………



  184.  #184Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    M is now texting ‘I have to go see him now. I’ll text you around 8’

    Which is the time we were supposed to meet…

    What would you say? Also I don’t know if I should still pick up Sushi..



  185.  #185Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Good evening sirens!!!

    WHAT A DAY!!!!

    I really had such an exciting day!!

    I woke up with a message of ATW from last night saying good night. So I answered “Good morning. I just saw your message. I felt super smiley to find it there waiting for me all night. Have a good day! xoxo”

    In 2 seconds he replied “Thank you, talk to you soon!”

    And at work, I was just sooo focus on my work like I rarely do. I almost didn’t even take a break for lunch, just the time to have my little lunch and a cigarette with a coworker.

    And I ran all my way home and it felt so good and I felt so charmed that it was still the daylight when just a few weeks ago I was running in the dark. Looks like spring is coming soon!!

    When I got home from my run, I had TWO messages from ATW and one from my girl friend who was MIA for weeks! Message one from ATW saying Helloooo and the second “hey you’re snobing me?” but I decided that calling my mom and finishing my workout was more important than replying now. And I got another message “heeyyyyyyy”.

    Wow!! He’s being impatient! I think I like it 🙂

    So I replied but for an unknown reason, my phone was not delivering all the messages so I called him but he didn’t answer but called me a few minutes after. He didn’t had much to say, but at least, I feel super happy that he seems to be thinking of me. 🙂

    And I talked to my friend after that and finally I felt connected to someone. lol.

    And now I’m having post-training proteins dinner and the new CD [need to find him a name…] is texting me.

    Wow everything SO happened at the same time for me… weird…



  186.  #186Starla on February 6, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    181 FW I eat quinoa all the time…it’s just…disgusting:P But I eat it anyway, sigh. I’m a good little girl:D

    Eggs are actually one of my favorite foods, and one of the few I haven’t ruled out.. but I bloat every day as though I gained 10-20 pounds from morning to night, and my skin is persistently scaly all over my body. It could be the damn eggs. I look forward to eggs benedict like a child looks forward to christmas.

    I’m gonna give up eggs entirely and see how I feel. Then if it turns out I feel much better, I can just make eggs a weekend thing or something. I have half a dozen eggs at home — maybe my roommate will want to eat them.

    Sigh.



  187.  #187Ella on February 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    So much to tell you all but its late here and I am feeling tired.

    MWC asked me to be his g,friend.

    It was really sweet.

    Obviously I then gave him the No g,friend speech.

    Although I think we are still in negotiations…

    And I want it to be clear to men that I will not give up exclusivity unless it is forever (marriage?).

    Felt nice to be asked though!

    🙂



  188.  #188Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    @165: Tiffany

    The article reminded me of a conversation my sister had with me… She said “When they’re talking to small children, why are these parents ending every sentence with ‘OK?’ like they need the child’s permission for everything…? Hahaha LOL

    Don’t bite Mommy’s leg, OK? … Time for lunch, OK?
    😆



  189.  #189Sun Goddess on February 6, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I still feel so angry about what happened between LP and I on Saturday. I keep trying to figure out why I am so mad but I really can’t put my finger on it. I’m feeling like LP can’t be the man that I need tough. What does a siren do when she feels like this?



  190.  #190Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    181 FW

    MMMM thank you for mentioning quinoa, I have been thinking about what to have for protein lately. Have been exhausted taking care of three babies and haven’t been feeling like making any dinners that take 30 to an hour. Quinoa I can just pop in the rice cooker that I bought Man I Live With and add some stuff to it. Yum. Perfect timing!



  191.  #191Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    162 Starla

    Yes please do post about CF.

    I have been wondering the same thing .. as I was going to post about Bio-Father the other day.

    I am fine with it.



  192.  #192Starla on February 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Lolita, assume plans are off. Normally I would assume plans are on, but since you’d be overfunctioning with the sushi anyway, don’t go out of your way to pick up food you might not need. If he thought otherwise, when he calls, you can let him know, “ohhh i feel so disappointed — sushi would have felt so nice, and when i heard you wouldn’t get in touch until the time we planned to meet, I didn’t feel comfortable assuming our plans were still on. It would still feel so good to eat with you tonight, even if it’s not sushi. What do you think?”

    something like that.

    I must have missed WHY you were even bringing dinner in the first place. Let that man feed you. If you have to bring sushi over to get him to pay attention to you or to make plans work, find someone else to feed you:P



  193.  #193Rose on February 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    hmm I usually escape to my bathroom when I want to be in “the vortex” the place where I can close the door and alone..the place where I can take care of myself, relax in the bath..
    But I do notice I can be in the vortex anywhere I want now too…mm love that feeling…



  194.  #194Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    @135: Iamabutterfly says:
    “@132 Senior Lady Vibe – I love your spunk!”

    Hmm, which one said he/she “hated spunk?” Mary Richards or Mr. Grant? Do you know who they are? If not, check out on Hulu sometime. Funny!



  195.  #195Ella on February 6, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Hmmm, I sometimes feel suspiscious of the hype over food allergies.

    I know some people do have them and most of us don’t, or not enough to really affect us.

    I feel scared and put off by ‘extreme’ diets and radical approaches to food which feel too full of fear and restriction (my stuff).

    I feel open to people experimenting though and finding what works for them.

    I believe in eating a mainly natural diet AND having a healthy, balanced and passionate approach to food which doesn’t make me feel deprived.

    Yes, that feels good for me.



  196.  #196Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Starla, thank you. I was just about to text him asking if he still wanted me to pick up sushi…

    His text says ‘I’m going to see him now. Don’t know how long I’ll stay. I’ll text you around 8.’

    SIRENS: what would you reply? I am home getting ready! Also, do you think this means the plans are off…?



  197.  #197Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    lk -157

    “so for me, imagining your situation… that looks like you not caring too much about whether MILW stays in your life or goes…. sounds like 1x/week feels bad, so i wouldn’t do that…… it doesn’t sound like it would make you feel how you want to feel…”

    lk – thanks for your comments, I remember you saying on another thread that you were having trouble understanding (i think?) this concept also.

    I feel .. all this is… on the right track… but.. what I am trying to solve here is…

    if I think man I live with should be here actually taking care of the baby, being a family, and 1xwk is NOT enough, ….

    am I actually chasing away the thing I want because I’m not being grateful for the SMALL way it is given to me?

    …..
    if so, that would mean that maybe I should allow man-i-live-with to be in my life as he pleases, and focus myself on being busy and having a life, and be happy when he IS in my life. –

    I keep running into resistance though, I feel as though NO it is not good enough for me for him to drop in, in the middle of the week, and suggest we have dinner – I deserve to be taken out on the weekend and to have a babysitter so we can have fun together, and to be IMPORTANT. not the middle of the week lunch or dinner. —

    so am I really throwing the baby out with the bathwater? you know what I mean?



  198.  #198River Girl on February 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    179: Starla says:
    “Oh my, I’m reading about food sensitivities and intolerance, and I think I should give up eggs for a while. I feel sad. This is my main source of morning protein.”

    Awww, giving up eggs would make me feel very sad too! Just love my scrambled eggs for breakfast. They make me feel all sunny 🙂

    I also read where you said you were having trouble with nuts too? Could I suggest that you take a look at a book called “Wheat Belly” by cardiologist Dr William Davis. It’s not a diet book but identifies how wheat, modern wheat in particular, is causing a miriad of health problems. Totally blew my mind!

    Here is a link to his blog. I’ve been reading through a lot of the comments and there are countless amazing stories of success people are having with problems such as; weight, diabetes, heart disease, arthitis, skin conditions, acid reflux etc.

    http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/



  199.  #199Ella on February 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    MWC is so cool.

    I like him.

    He has cried in front of me and is gentle and sensitive with me… but he is TOTALLY masc energy.

    Go figure.

    If something needs taking care of he just does it, and he is a country boy so he is not afraid to get his hands dirty.

    I feel like I could say anything to him and I can be COMPLETELY myself with him.

    I have never felt like that with a man before.

    Oh, and he is a lot shorter than me… and not at all my usual type. He is not conventionally good looking at all.

    Guess I am getting over my short man aversion too!

    Great to heal this stuff and get to see what this feels like.

    He may not be the one who steps up and claim me and whatever but he is helping me hone down on what I want and don’t want.

    Yay for MWC and all other men.



  200.  #200Femininewoman on February 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Love Note of the Week:

    Our personal and spiritual growth will be exponential in relationship.

    “This need not be “hard.” Certainly there will be challenges, however it is possible and helpful to release the belief that relationships are hard. With your Beloved, it is actually quite E-A-S-Y. Believe it!”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew



  201.  #201Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Lolita, I haven’t read the whole story, but unfortunately, I think you should assume the plans are off.

    I would go take a warm bath and when he texts or calls, tell him you weren’t sure so you went in the bath and now you feel all relax and don’t want to move. See if he suggests another day? I’m sure he will. 🙂

    Will go read all the posts now! xoxo



  202.  #202Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    186 Starla –

    Quinoa disgusting?? Oooh no! I feel surprised, but actually yes it’s hard to get it to be flavorful. I have tried putting spices in with broth in the rice cooker and it never gives it quite enough flavor.

    So I add other things.. steamed or sauteed kale, onions, brussel sprouts, beets, tomatoes, curry, whatever kind of sauces you can think up.. spices…

    I used to not be a great cook,
    and always felt intimidated in the kitchen, because Man I Live With (when he’s here) will often take over and have VERY particular ways.

    but, after watching him quite a lot, and he went to a cooking school, I have learned to really just make something up, throwing together whatever is available and smells good together and I always try for a variety of colors and textures, and adding nuts, seeds, spices, etc.

    also learning to make up sauces is a good thing (which I have not yet mastered, but am working on it).

    he likes to have dinner ready when he gets home esp on late nights because he doesn’t like to eat too late and is really tired. So I made a habit of looking things up online and trying those recipes, and between him and that, I have REALLY become a wonderful cook if I say so myself –

    recently MILW has complimented me on it QUITE often –

    saying I’ve really become an excellent cook, my food is always good, etc etc … so many compliments, feels so good!!!!

    and he had better get home fast, lest any other man benefit from all his hard work teaching me in the kitchen!!!! ;D



  203.  #203Ella on February 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    RE 195

    Starla,

    Just to say that post was not directed at you… I just jumped off your comment and was exploring how I feel about food, food allergies and diets.

    This has been a strongly re-occuring them in my life right now… probably to help me get clear on my approach to diet and weight loss, for my work.

    Thank you for the chance to explore these things.



  204.  #204Mel on February 6, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    @Starla,

    Quinoa in the morning…

    Steam/cook like rice then add raisins or dried apples or blueberries, a drizzle of honey (of course! lol) and some cinnamon. Quite tasty.



  205.  #205Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    That leads me to the question, When IS it okay to cook for a man?

    I was re-reading Why Men Love Bit*hes this afternoon – she says things lightly such as – no need for linens just paper plates, dixie cups, paper towels. no one says you have to MAKE the food you feed him, you can go out and get it, have it delivered, go out to dinner…

    … really her advice is sometimes a bit cold sounding. I believe she was also the co-author of the rules. and is now DIVORCED.
    A lot of things she says in WMLB is right on, though.

    ha. both my men have seen this book and asked me about it. rofl.

    i forget what MILW said, as it was a long time ago.
    Bio Father saw it on the bookshelf just this last wk.

    I remember someone posting on one of the recent two threads that her CD saw it and she was so embarrassed. I felt that way a long time ago, but not anymore. I felt like I could handle it lightly, so it was no big deal. But all that happened was BF said “why DO men love bitches?” I said I don’t know! – wish I would have said something else. >:D



  206.  #206Mel on February 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Also Miss Starla, I wanna hear about your romp! 😉



  207.  #207Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    196: Lolita

    Starla, thank you. I was just about to text him asking if he still wanted me to pick up sushi…

    His text says ‘I’m going to see him now. Don’t know how long I’ll stay. I’ll text you around 8.’

    SIRENS: what would you reply? I am home getting ready! Also, do you think this means the plans are off…?
    ———

    Lolita- I am not sure who he is going to see. Or what happened.

    Because he said “I don’t know how long I’ll stay, I’ll text you around 8”, I think he is considering extending his stay past 8. ….

    I think you should say, I feel confused, are we still on for 8 o’clock? (I wouldn’t say “are we still on”, because he may say Yes but then push you further back 9pm etc)

    and if he says he’s not sure, or can we move the time, if you’re not comfortable with that, let him know that any later feels too late for you, and maybe ask him what he thinks.



  208.  #208Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    urgh, my msg got stuck in mod- reposting to see if i can avoid the trigger…

    205: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    That leads me to the question, When IS it okay to cook for a man?

    I was re-reading Why Men Love B*s this afternoon – she says things lightly such as – no need for linens just paper plates, dixie cups, paper towels. no one says you have to MAKE the food you feed him, you can go out and get it, have it delivered, go out to dinner…

    … really her advice is sometimes a bit cold sounding. I believe she was also the co-author of the rules. and is now DIVORCED.
    A lot of things she says in WMLB is right on, though.

    ha. both my men have seen this book and asked me about it. rofl.

    i forget what MILW said, as it was a long time ago.
    Bio Father saw it on the bookshelf just this last wk.

    I remember someone posting on one of the recent two threads that her CD saw it and she was so embarrassed. I felt that way a long time ago, but not anymore. I felt like I could handle it lightly, so it was no big deal. But all that happened was BF said “why DO men love B*s?” I said I don’t know! – wish I would have said something else. >:



  209.  #209Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Sirens, would love your opinions on this principle in 197 that I posted to lk. Seriously need to understand this Law of Allowing.



  210.  #210Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    not cooking… but ordered Chinese stir fry chicken with broccoli and brown rice…

    and just tuned in “The Bachelor.”



  211.  #211Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Also on the subject of Sedona, I was thinking just yesterday how much I would love to go there. I am so curious to know what it’s like. I know there are other vortexes, also, Sedona happens to be a powerful one and also I believe both positive AND negative, where some are only one or the other. Is that right?



  212.  #212Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    I imagine being there to feel relaxing and I bet it’s beautiful.



  213.  #213Senior Lady Vibe on February 6, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    @198: River Girl says:
    http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/

    Thanks for link.



  214.  #214River Girl on February 6, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Lolita,

    I would also assume that plans are off for tonight and have a feeling message for when he contacts you. Perhaps something along the lines of;
    “Oh, I’m so disappointed not to see you tonight, but it’s getting late, and I thought as original plans were off that I would have a cozy night in tonight. I’m all rugged up now, reading my book.”



  215.  #215April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Sirens,
    I feel scared to ask for your help.
    But I would really appreciate your help, please.

    I am unsure of my own motivations and direction. I feel unsure of my true feelings, as if I cannot quite access them.

    I live with a man who left his wife for me. Three years ago. He has not got a divorce because she will not agree to it.
    I no longer wish to tolerate the situation I am in. I see it as a sympton of my old fear of intimacy and i want to move on from this fear. I no longer want to live with a man who is not fully available (even tho’ he has no contact with his wife at all).

    I want to write a script. Something like “I know I have tolerated it up to now, and it doesn’t seem fair to be making a big deal of it all of a sudden. But I feel like I just woke up. I know you are committed to me, but I don’t know how I’d feel about fully committing to you until you were an available man.”

    What do you think, sirens?

    I’d like to add something like “and until you are available, you can’t expect to have me all to yourself”.



  216.  #216River Girl on February 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Hi Ella,

    I got you message 🙂 Just have to take a while to get my thoughts summarised so that I don’t have to write a whole book!
    Totally with you about the whole and natural and unadulterated approach to food.
    xo



  217.  #217River Girl on February 6, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    @213

    I have to get better at using the word FEEL in my feeling messages LOL



  218.  #218April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    *208 STS

    “if so, that would mean that maybe I should allow man-i-live-with to be in my life as he pleases, and focus myself on being busy and having a life, and be happy when he IS in my life. -”

    The second part of this feels good “focus on myself on being busy and having a life, ”
    The third part “and be happy when he IS in my life” would be ideal, and requires a “count your blessings” attitude.
    The first part “maybe I should allow MILW to be in my life as he pleases” to me shows a lack of boundaries on your part, and is your main area to be working on.
    I’m the same. I need and want to build strong boundaries that take care of me, and support my growing self-love.



  219.  #219T-Girl on February 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    Starla…are you keeping us in suspense?



  220.  #220Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    River Girl and Lizka, Sirens,

    He just texted again…’I’ll leave in 10 mins and call you from the car’.

    The thing is, we don’t have a lot of time together because of the custody schedules… I’m insure on this one as of Friday I can’t see him for a whole other 10 days…



  221.  #221Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    River Girl and Lizka, Sirens,

    He just texted again…’I’ll leave in 10 mins and call you from the car’.

    The thing is, we don’t have a lot of time together because of the custody schedules… I’m insure on this one as of Friday I can’t see him for a whole other 10 days…



  222.  #222Lolita on February 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    STS, his father is in the hospital but last night we had a bad convo about tonight. I am not sure how to do this.



  223.  #223River Girl on February 6, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    215: April Rose says:

    “I’d like to add something like “and until you are available, you can’t expect to have me all to yourself”.”

    April Rose, I would leave out the last comment for now. Can you find a way to express your fear and your feelings of insecurity to him?



  224.  #224River Girl on February 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    221: Lolita says:

    “The thing is, we don’t have a lot of time together because of the custody schedules… I’m insure on this one as of Friday I can’t see him for a whole other 10 days…”

    If it were me, I would feel so much better if HE was the one NEEDING to see ME.



  225.  #225April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    River Girl, and sirens

    I’m afraid I haven’t been totally honest with you.
    I’m liking other guys, and already dating one.

    I suppose what I am really trying to discover is…
    Am I just wanting out of the relationship?

    If so, no closure – right?
    I just add him into my dating rotation. And see if he steps up.



  226.  #226April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I don’t know if my last comment was truthful.

    He wants commitment. I’m telling myself don’t know if he is the right man.

    My ‘pattern’ is three years and out. This relationship is now three years old. I usually bale out just about now. I suspect that is my fear of commitment showing up again.

    BUT,
    I want to be sure of what I want and I feel that Circular dating is the fastest way for me to find out. So, this way he gets to stay past my three year mark.

    What do you think?



  227.  #227Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    … so …

    on another subject. This is about hanging out with one of the women who my partner cheated on me with a few years ago.

    (I feel like I am all over the board tonight. And I wish there were an easier way to read posts… I don’t like having to reload the page to get it to update, or wait for it to load to get back to the bottom of the page.. but I do like the anonymity of it – I am not signed up on the facebook page because that is less anonymous.).

    so.. the woman my husband – er – Man-I-Live-With cheated on me with 2 1/2 years ago, for 10 months.

    I have never felt safe with her, due to her interactions with me, my partner, her baby’s father.. all being extreme and manipulative and even dishonest.

    It has been.. a year and 8 months since he stopped seeing her.

    she has written me (triggered by posts MILW has made about temporary space to stay, etc)… “offering a listening ear” etc.

    through our conversations, she has said “i hope you can see I’m coming from a place of love, and all the changes i’ve made in my life, i know I wronged you, etc”

    I told her, I am not around you enough to know any of these things, and not sure what you mean by how you’ve wronged me. encouraging her to elaborate.

    she wrote back saying she was in a bad place, baby’s father having just left (…due to her trying to have an open relationship=cheating/shopping while having him around to pay the bills)..

    she said she regrets that year as it was very dark from all angles- she neglected her daughter, she shouldn’t have been involved with my partner when I said I wasn’t ok with it, she went “a little hog wild”… (she partied VERY hard that year…. very hard.) It was HORRIBLE, let me tell you.

    but basically, she sort of acknowledged in a general way, that she had wronged me. (it would take a long time to do it in a specific way. 😛 lol).

    … she has been all over my fb page, my partner has commented on her page a few times recently, I THINK all of which she has ignored by not liking or responding… (I think). she has tagged him in a post with several other people asking a profession-specific question.. but that is all).

    she has written me a couple of times trying to “be a friend as much as I will allow” and if I need anyone to “vent to”, she is there. etc. I do not know if I trust her. I am also close friends with her child’s father, and he says he sees some growth. he asked me to watch his child a few weeks ago (but it hasn’t happened, maybe because I asked more $ than he wanted to spend) – and he mentioned it to her and she had no objections. Last time he brought it up she was entirely against it.

    I WANT to believe her… just due to her past actions… and other people I have interacted with who are also manipulative.. I have learned that manipulative people I’ve been around in the past …always suck me back in only for me to find out they were just nice until it came down to me or them, or getting something they want, bottom line, they will step all over anyone to get what they want. If they don’t want anything from you, you’re ok. Otherwise, look out. It is always me giving people the benefit of a doubt –

    and I still want to!! I want to believe she can change!

    For the last year and 8 months, or most of it, she has been with her OWN MAN!!!!! congratulations!, started a healthy diet, (prodded by her boyfriends diet preferences, though), stayed out of the partying scene, (due to her boyfriend having odd hours working til 2am and also to her reconnecting with her daughter.. as she is afraid baby’s father is going to file for full custody)..

    she has done really well. prodded by other things. And I wonder what will happen if her current bf breaks up with her. but… for now she’s doing well.

    she has written me again and said she really wants me to get to know the real her, and if i need someone to vent to.. i feel suspicious!!!!! why does she want me to talk to her about my relationship! … we do connect on other things but I’m not sure I feel comfortable talking to her about that. What if she goes and talks to others about what I say? (what a community. Man. If only I could tell you guys the stories.)

    I am considering going out with her. I mean, I really kind of like her. although she has been still into things which I am wayyy over, … we do have a lot in common in other ways. I was interested in being friends with her before the whole mess. I think we could have been great friends, had that not all happened. Well truthfully no we couldn’t, because she was partying too much, drinking all the time, and generally not being responsible… and.. just not the image I want to have, or the way I prefer to behave.

    Now she has had a good year and a half run of mostly pretty good actions herself. …

    I am curious.
    I am a little angry at myself for always giving everyone second (and fifth) chances, (seeing progress, I hope).
    I feel irritated that I want to trust someone who has torn my life apart before. But I want to believe she can change.

    I feel irritated that I am so curious.

    But, All I have to do is trust myself, right?
    If she does anything I don’t like, I can put my foot down. Right? She can be just like a CD (except, one who won’t buy me dinner and take me on dates, lol), and I can use my feeling messages with her. 😀 I think she is a pretty good communicator, and if MILW can fall in love with her volatile self, there is something I can learn from her.

    I feel kind of attracted to her. I don’t know WHY!!! Why do I feel attracted to a girl I found disgusting when she was ravaging my beautiful life with her selfishness?

    … and also, I do not mean only friend- attracted,
    I mean, sexually attracted.. I think?!?

    as in.. that I feel sexual feelings around thinking about this? and I am so confused as to why?

    I have noticed this one other time, recently,
    and it seems that… feeling more forgiveness for her and less anger towards her, more open towards her… is triggering some sexual feelings.

    well actually, considering how EVERYTHING that happened was surrounding sexual issues (cheating with my partner).. perhaps that’s not surprising. I do realize that not feeling safe has caused me to feel emotionally/sexually closed down where when I feel safe, I have MUCH better sex. I still LOVE sex with .. okay… actually.. I don’t know. I love having sex with MILW, but.. yes, it doesn’t feel the same for me.

    So.. I am wondering if it is maybe not exactly attraction to her but more just .. releasing these things that have caused me to feel so closed, allowing me to FEEL more again.

    … it’s sort of confusing. because I feel safer with BF than MILW … if i was feeling sexually closed down would it be only with one person or would it affect me in general?

    Curiouser, and Curiouser.

    I wish I could make sense of all the things that happen in my life enough to write a book. I have trouble knowing how to give it order or how to decide WHAT to write or even a theme. …..

    However, most of the best material is extremely painful for me, and I don’t know if I could stand to relive it.



  228.  #228Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Thank you Lizka for putting my pyjama in the dryer for a few minutes before wearing it.

    Wooow I feel comfortable and so cozy now…

    And thank you Lizka for the 8 km run you did tonight. My body feels so relax after the exercise (and minus 700 calories!)

    Thank you Lizka for taking some time away from the tv just to read in bed. 🙂



  229.  #229Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    I love to travel…. oh how I love it. When I lived in Germany, I was so spoiled with travel… discovering so many wonderful places, just…. heaven.

    I’ve lived in Pennsylvania, New York, Georgia and Texas and have travelled some of the US, but really want to see more. I feel like taking the girls on a roadtrip every year, to a new place. My oldest daughter is saving for a trip to Paris. She’s 11… she has time. 🙂 She is such a mini-me… lol. There is a place I’ve been wanting to go for a few years, called Blackwater Falls. We’ll be going this summer for sure! 🙂 I’m sure to find a vortex there!

    I haven’t had a chance to discover a vortex in my new neighborhood, as it’s a plan of homes with lots of kids… and we don’t have a porch big enough to sit on, but the starry night skies here are unbelievable. I have a large arched window over the front door in my entry way. I can sit on the steps and tonight… I see the full moon. From that window I can see the sunrise, and it’s such a beautiful way to start the day. We have a park closeby with an onservatory, and all summer long they have stargazing parties. We’ve gone a few times, before we moved here. I’m really looking forward to going often this year. We have a huge telescope too.

    I also feel so peaceful in my living room with the fireplace on, or soaking in my oversized bathtub. My large room has a master bath, long hallway with two walk in closets…. all this space, just for me… feels so decadent. I’m in love with my home, and even though I don’t own it… I just don’t care. It’s amazing how living in a home I feel proud of, has boosted my self esteem. I want to keep it clean and beautiful, oh I just love it.

    Rori, I love your picture. It reminds me of when my sister went there a few years before she passed away. I know she received much peace while there.



  230.  #230Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    I feel guilty for having so much to say! it’s all just pouring out.

    …. Lolita!
    hmmmm. maybe if we knew last nights conversation it might help, but

    if he’s leaving in 10 mins, will he be on time to pick you up for 8pm? …

    I think you should tell him that when he texted you that he would TEXT you at 8pm, when you thought that was the time you agreed he would be picking you up, you felt confused about whether you were still on and would feel much better knowing you had clear plans. You understand he is needing to be there for his father right now, and you want him to have all the time he needs with his father. Yet you want to be certain of your plans so you can get ready and pick up sushi and feel prepared for him!….

    other Sirens, what do you all think?



  231.  #231kayla on February 6, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Hello again sirens.. Today I have been feeling pretty confident and happy with myself.. Right now I do feel a little tiny bit lonely, but I am going to try my hardest to see this as an opportunity to love myself and really get in touch with my emotions, instead of just trying to get rid of it.. Last night Dylan texted me and said hey, I did not respond until this morning because I was sleeping and very tired, I wanted to sleep and I was not going to overfunction and stay awake just so that we could talk.. He never responded when I asked him when he wanted to watch a movie (and I realize this was leaning forward by asking him this) but I did not say how I felt about it, wasn’t feeling sure if I should have or not considering I was leaning forward.. I realize that I do not like leaning forward, I would rather leave the ball in the man’s court.. This feels much easier to me..



  232.  #232Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    My life seems to be on a high right now.

    I feel ashamed to admit it, but yes, it is partially because of ATW seems to be stepping up more and more… And also because of all these CDs coming into my life at the same time, and also for my friends showing me more interest too…

    BUT, I do feel good about things that are just about me too. I ran 8 km tonight and I felt good and proud and focused on myself only and felt that I’m gonna be ready for my race in May and I told myself that I’m not gonna miss one training in the mean time.

    And I worked so hard all day and focused on my worked and even closed a deal (yay!!) and focused on the money it’s gonna bring me and on the money I can save for my trip to Russia…

    And I am going to read a few chapters of my so good book my mom brought me…

    My life is definitely on a high, maybe for some external reason (partially only), but this might be the push I needed.

    Universe, I promised I will do everything I can to keep it on this high and to bring it ever higher. And by myself. And I know ATW, friends and CDs will just stick around even more if they feel my incredible vibe.

    Yay to me!!



  233.  #233kayla on February 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    On another note, I think I may have another CD (: we will call him L.. We haven’t actually been out on a date yet, although he has asked me to go see a movie with him sometime.. And of course I said yes.. I feel so attracted to this man’s personality.. He flirts with a lot of other women, and sometimes I feel jealous at this, but I realize that I have no reason to.. Because he is entitled to do whatever he wants when we are not in a relationship.. Now if we were on a date and he was flirting with a bunch of different women it would be a different story, although I did feel special today when he complimented me on my hair in front of a bunch of other women (: he said that he likes my hair like this and that it looks really cute, I smiled at him and said thank you (: It would feel good to spend some time together and get to know him more.. But if I do start gaining more feelings I will definately let him know that I feel jealous when I see a man who I have feelings for flirting with other women..



  234.  #234April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    How about this script?

    “Dear WM, I know that I am now bringing up the subject of your marriage after we have already been living together for three years. There is probably no coincidence that most of my previous relationships have lasted 3 years. I feel under pressure. Yet I love you and feel curious to know if I can commit to you for longer. I feel I need to ease the pressure on our relationship by keeping my options open. If I do decide that yes, I want to commit to you forever, then I will want you to be an available man, not a married man.”

    This feels like I’m getting closer to what I want to say. Something that takes the pressure off both me (my fear of commitment) and him (the pressure to get a divorce).



  235.  #235Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    I think AroundTheWorld really felt my good vibe and I think all these texts he is sending me since yesterday (and since Friday also) are really the result of my sirenessity… I think I did good on our yesterday’s date, not insisting for kisses or contact, leaning back, not overfunctionning or mothering him…

    YAAAAAAAAAY

    I feel sooo excited about it, I can’t wait to have more, I’m SO ready to receive!!!



  236.  #236Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Lolita,

    I would just wait until he calls and and see what he says. He may be too tired, or he may ask to come to you, or he may suggest going out to eat. I’d tell him you were unsure if you’d see him so you din’t get dinner. Just wait and see instead of trying to plan what to say.



  237.  #237Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Lizka… you are such a sweetheat! SO glad your vibe is sunny!



  238.  #238Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    And I am thinking of DjCD… I think I like him too. Not the same way of ATW… It’s very different and very special. I feel less challenge and more easy with him. He’s so cute and always want to take care of me. It feels so warm and adorable.



  239.  #239Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Oh Turquoise thank you!!!

    Oh about No kissing and contacts, I bet he regrets it really badly not to have kiss me.

    La la la !!!



  240.  #240April Rose on February 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    I’ve just realised!
    WM has never asked me for any kind of commitment.
    I think he just assumed it.

    I would need to be asked.



  241.  #241Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    He surely regrets… and I’m sure he will come get it soon enough…



  242.  #242Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I bet he does Lizka!



  243.  #243Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    I bet he does Lizka! I hope I can stay completely leaned back next time I see my ex…. he’ll be here President’s Day weekend.



  244.  #244Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    Hmmm this book is so nice. I feel dreamy reading it. But I’ll go to bed now. I want to have another productive and focus day tomorrow.

    xoxo Sirens

    Love love love love love love 🙂



  245.  #245River Girl on February 6, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    240: April Rose says:
    “I’ve just realised!
    WM has never asked me for any kind of commitment.
    I think he just assumed it.

    I would need to be asked.”

    Wow, April Rose, that is huge! I keep trying to find words to help you here and hesitating because I’m not sure if would help, but you are doing fine! Just keep questioning everything and how it makes you feel and you will get to what it is that you are wanting from him.
    xo



  246.  #246Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    🙂 Turquoise I don,t know when is Presiden’ts day weekend, but I hope for you it’s fun.

    I feel a little afraid… ATW said next time we would cook at MY place. That feels cool because we gonna cook my favorite soup (the one he made me on our very first date and he totally seduced me with it!) but it feels scary because he’s gonna be here. I’m not afraid of leaning forward. But I know he’s gonna probably try to sleep with me… And I don’t know if I want that… well of course I want, we have incredible sex connexion, but I don’t want it NOW. Last time was a disaster in my head after. I want to feel (more) sure of his feeling before I sleep with him again. I don’t want to be a friend with benefice. But it’s so hard to just say no you’re not welcome to sleep over when he’s already at my place and we did it so many times…

    I feel scared but I don’t want to think about it right now. He haven’t even made it official that he’ll come here and cook. I’ll wait (at least) for the official invitation before starting to worry and make plans…

    Right now I just want to continue floating on my cloud…

    Tomorrow will be as exciting as today. I’ll be super focus-productive at work and I’ll go run after work again… Maybe some TV or reading at night.

    xoxo girls

    And thank you Turquoise for cheering me up!



  247.  #247Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Turquoise –

    I meant “I hope for you it’s SOON” (not fun…)



  248.  #248Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Well I hope it’s gonna be fun too.

    Lol

    Ok off to bed



  249.  #249Lizka on February 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Wow, as I turned off the light, DjCD texted me! That makes
    3 CDs who texted me today!

    What did I do?!? Yay! I’m the prize!!!!!



  250.  #250Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Lizka, it’s the weekend after next. Thanks!

    I have a possible solution for you….

    Have him come at lunch time instead of dinner. 🙂 I’ve been feeling the same way, should stop sleeping with him. It feels so good, certainly relaxes me, but if he isn’t actually interested in us trying again, I’ll just get ore attached. But, I’m not putting any rules or restrictions on myself. I like to be in the moment. It helps me from overthinking or the worries about “what if this” or “what if that”



  251.  #251Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    That’s great Lizka!!

    Oh and Luzydel and SLV….I bought myself a dozen red roses last weekend when my ex was here. I wanted them, the smelled amazing and were so beautiful, I gave myself what I wanted, and oh I felt so good doing it!

    We should treasure ourselves. Often.



  252.  #252LiliBee on February 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    SHOOT!!!!

    I’ve been here reading the blog for a whole hour, and just realized I missed Rori’s teleclass…again!
    Last time was for missing instructions, now I completely forgot!

    DANG! DANG! DANG! DANG! DANG!

    At least I’ll get the recording of it. I just won’t get to ask any questions live.

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!

    And I feel pretty good today anyway 🙂

    And I got my Modern Siren + Reconnect to your Heart at my doorstep today!!!
    The delivery guy usually doesn’t leave without my signing the package.
    I always end up having to pick it up at the depot.
    But I guess he’s getting so used to delivering the same sized envelopes from the same address to the same destination…so he left the envelope on my doorstep in the hallway.
    That’s OK, my hallway is safe and my neighbours are safe.
    I get to listen to new CDs in the car on my way to work tomorrow morning ! Yey!!! 🙂



  253.  #253kayla on February 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    I also have another CD we have met once at a party, he messaged me today and told me that he was suprised I am not with anyone I just said awww (: and he said hah =) I don’t like responding to one worded messages.. It makes me feel like I have to work to hard for a conversation..



  254.  #254Susan on February 6, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    I have news!

    After a year and three months, Sweet Man finally found he courage to stop telling me he loves…… my hair; and he finally told me he loves me.

    He loves me!

    Once he started saying it, he hasn’t stopped, Once he said it, I felt something inside him relax and now his interaction with me is much more playful. And when I tell him I love him, he just closes his eyes and smiles.



  255.  #255Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Susan,

    Congratulations! 🙂



  256.  #256siren song on February 6, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    yay susan!



  257.  #257LiliBee on February 6, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    (((Luzydel))) (((lamabutterfly))),

    I so relate to you 2 sirens! Everything you’re saying, I have been saying.

    Though I’ve been feeling pretty good for the last 2 days.

    I was stuck in constant negative vibes all friggin…1 and half years! I mean contantly!!!

    I have found relief for 2 straight days!!!

    Here’s my recipe:

    1) Really Feeeel that anger!!!!! Write it out exactly how you feel it. Call him all the names you want, only in writing of course…and don’t send him that letter.

    2) Really Feeeel that sadness and despair. Soak it up and sink deep into it.

    3) On Thursday night: Watching 10 Abraham Hicks youtube videos: They have them all from “Resistance, to insecurity, to worthiness, to finding love….Just search on “Abraham Hicks” + whatever you feel the need for”

    4) On Friday night: Tapping to Margaret Lynch’s youtube video on tapping to resistance, and then to her tapping video on allowing Miracles to happen.

    5) On Saturday morning: Listen to a recording by Allan Pratt posted by Laughing Goddess on the last thread.

    6) Accepting an invitation from a gf to take me out to cheer me up. I had always resisted to her invitation before (remember I tapped to release resistance w Margaret Lynch and watched an Abraham Hicks video on Resistance).
    This outting really shifted my vibe.
    I met a new cd.

    Result from this recipe:
    I feel alot less pull to D, alot more distance…I am feeling more relieved of being out of the vicious circle of a toxic relationship.

    I now have 3 “light” CDs. “Light” bc they are not involved, just possibilities to consider, not even a real date…yet.

    I’m starting to like this freedom of having an open field of possibilities.

    I feel so freeeeee 🙂

    Oh, I forgot no 7) Read up on Mel’s and Starla’s successes right here on the blog for inspiration. They’ve been where we were and are.

    THANK YOU MEL AND THANK YOU STARLA FOR STAYING HERE TO INSPIRE US EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE GOOD!!!
    YOU ARE VERY GENEROUS SIRENS!



  258.  #258Susan on February 6, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Thank you Brenda and Siren Song!



  259.  #259LiliBee on February 6, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    253:

    YEYYY SUSAN!!! 😀

    SUCH A GODDEEEESSS SIREN !!!

    You qualify to be in my recipe’s no7 with Mel and Starla (@post 256).



  260.  #260FlowerChild77 on February 6, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Lolita…I very much understand your feeling of urgency when thinking that it will be so long until you two can see each other…..BUT…..what River Girl said in #224—“If it were me, I would feel so much better if HE was the one NEEDING to see ME”—hits the nail right on the head.

    I keep in mind what Rori teaches about the “relationship bubble”–there’s only so much room in there. So when we keep leaning forward, he has less and less room. It probably starts to feel pretty crowded and uncomfortable. (And he will feel your nervous frightened vibe.)

    Last year this time, my mother was very ill and I was taking care of her and it was so very draining, both emotionally and physically. It wasn’t really appropriate for me to be talking on the phone while I was there in the hospital, so I’d text the bare necessities (updates on her condition, etc.) and kept the phone on silent.

    Sometimes I didn’t really get a chance to return calls until the next day–if then. By the time I got home at night I was so exhausted, talking to ANYone/socializing was the last thing I wanted to do.

    You say that he has children, as well. I would lean back and let him make plans when he can—has the time and energy.

    I KNOW it’s hard…one of the things that’s bothering me about my current situation is that we don’t see each other often enough (he calls several times a day and always to say good night) or have sex often enough. I seriously don’t know if I can be happy (as in happily-ever-after) with this.

    So, I DO know how you feel. But I get NO satisfaction at all unless HE makes plans or asks to see me. <3



  261.  #261LiliBee on February 6, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    I want to stay here longer, but gotta get my beauty sleep to keep up this good vibe.

    Goodnight all !



  262.  #262Zara on February 6, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    From Robert Smith’s Fast EFT channel.

    Dr. Robins: Mind and body medical approach.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au4QnLXvBIM&feature=BFa&list=UUOVY8R3PIBUfd5caS3lnMeQ&lf=plcp



  263.  #263T-Girl on February 6, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    253 Yay Susan!! I think when it takes them so long to say it, once they finally do it just seems so much more meaningful 🙂



  264.  #264LiliBee on February 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    BTW,

    Pleasantly surprised by a CD coming out of his shell.
    He’s opening up, and I had no idea how fun he could be.
    He’s allready in my surroundings which is convenient for “no pressure”.



  265.  #265FlowerChild77 on February 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    Ella..I’m so happy for you! 🙂 Your growth and journey is very inspiring to me. I’ve been checking out your website and the links you posted.

    It sounds like this man is really into you. It’s good that you feel you can truly be authentic with him.



  266.  #266Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    234 – April Rose –
    oooh that sounds good to me…
    but then I feel guilty.. because.. I really don’t believe divorce is right. But I don’t know the circumstances behind it, perhaps he cheated on her.. or.. ? I don’t know. But your message sounds wonderful.

    Lolita!!

    What Turquoise says sounds good too!
    “I would just wait until he calls and and see what he says. He may be too tired, or he may ask to come to you, or he may suggest going out to eat. I’d tell him you were unsure if you’d see him so you din’t get dinner. Just wait and see instead of trying to plan what to say.”

    243- Lizka! what are you reading??

    also I like Turqoise suggestion about having lunch instead of dinner!!! Late nights so easily = Tired = Bed!

    251 Lilibee! Ooohhh I wish I could do Modern Siren + Reconnect to your Heart with you!!!! I can’t afford to get it!! And I feel it would do me such good!

    Also, 256 Lilibee- I love your organized way of writing these things out! So inspiring!

    Gosh I wish I had the clear focus right now to do this. I need to get a new bottle, different brand of gotu kola! the one I have is not working, and i am under such stress/lack of sleep .. I really need something to give me concentration and clarity.

    252 Kayla… I feel confused, HE said “i don’t like responding to one worded messages” or is that you saying that?

    253 Susan! Wow soo lovely!! I am so glad he found the courage to tell you! I feel so much joy and excitement for you, so sublime!

    ha. BF hasn’t told me once until this last year – and I said it first… a few months later due to something else he kinda stepped back and I think we fell out of love for a minute there.. and man I miss him telling me “I love you”.. but.. I know he does care about me now, because he says that he “didn’t care back then”, and asked me when the last time was I had sex (meaning did you have sex with MILW), …and … things.. oh man last time BF and I had sex, two weekends ago… I can not describe.. I think we could be falling in love again. But I have been quite distracted. anyway. I wish I could tell you my I love you story, (it’s kinda hard to remember.. eh I should write it down, huh?!) although I in the end wished I had waited for him to say it.. we’ve been seeing each other for YEARS, but not in any kind of committed relationship at all, as he was out of state for several years.



  267.  #267FlowerChild77 on February 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Brenda…how are you doing tonight? I do understand why you feel like you need to lean forward with Ryan. I really do. But I was troubled to see that you feel Ryan is ‘depriving’ you.

    I am wondering about the relationship I am in, and whether it is really ‘enough’ for me, in the happily-ever-after sense—but I can’t honestly say that I believe he is “depriving me of love.”

    That would seem to suggest that he is in some way responsible for my feelings. If life with him and ‘his love’ is not what I need–then it’s just that–not what I need. It’s not anything that he is doing “wrong.” Does that make sense?



  268.  #268Jessie1000 on February 6, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    OUt of the blue, after 6 beautiful weeks of dating, my new boy just told me hes not ready to commit, even though I didnt bring it up at all. THe pressure, I think, is coming from himself because he really likes me and we get along perfect and have the most fantastic sex in the world but now “hes confused” and wants sometime to think, and has a lot of “stress” from his ex wife and blah blah…same old same old. I was disappointed for a bit and tried to really talk to him but it only ended up him saying hes no good for me cause im crying and i should never be sad in this world….lol oh well. WHen I try to end it, it seems to make us closer, wierdly, and so im trying to think of things that i didnt do before….when i was in this situation before, I would go into hard core overfunctioning mode, man pleasing to the extreme and try to “convince” him that i am awesome instead of being awesome whether i have a man or not….oh well

    I just feel sad. I felt good with him until he did this stupid thing.
    He wants to be friends..lol
    He wants to see me finish my phd and be happy although not be with me
    He wants to slow down.
    I feel dumb and unsuccessful again.
    I wish that I had done all my old ways like sucking up to him cause then I wouldnt have this agony that comes from not chasing him…lol
    I feel agony today but I wont do it…cause it doesnt work
    I feel like I wish I had a hundred other guys for backup but I have none….



  269.  #269Turquoise on February 6, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    STS, I don’t know if you saw my post to you on a previous thread, but I hope you did.

    Recently LG suggested to me that I was sending the universe two messages, that I wanted my ex back, and also my fantasy guy. How could the universe give me what I wanted when I was asking for both.

    Earlier today your posts sounded like you really want it to work with MILW. But this one about is about the bio-dad, being with him recently and talking about falling in love.

    I’m really confused. Do you know who you want? Are you prepared to choose just one? I know you have children with both…. but I don’t understand what you are doing.

    When I got clear with what I really wanted, put it out to the universe, things started to grow and change.

    I don’t see how you can move forward with one man, while still wrapped up in the other. Good luck, I know it’s not an easy situation. Also, how old is your baby? Children are really adaptable. If you are happy, he will be happy. My girls were 2 and almost 5 when my ex and I split up, and they didn’t see him for about a month. My 2 year old never asked for him, not once in that month. IT was as if I was all she needed. Don’t let yourself get wrapped up in excuses to stay in a bad relationship because of your baby. You being happy, healthy and loving yourself will matter much more.



  270.  #270Zara on February 6, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    3: April Rose says:

    ***I feel so sad on reading this question.
    A nearby sacred space that I can walk to. That is what I am missing in my life.
    I sit in sacred inner space, in meditation.***

    awww no sadness, please, you have found the sacred: your own inner space and you can choose how it feels!
    ( with my accent it sounds like I am saying “you have found the secret” 🙂 )

    From Robert Smith:
    “”It’s not where you are that determines how you feel but it’s what you do in yourself that determines how you feel”
    ***……. People ask me “well did you feel the energy?” and I say “I brought my energy with me, because I see energy is just merely emotions, feelings, sensations, attitude, beliefs and behaviors….. now somebody else could be here and they could be feeling bad things, but again, where are the bad things coming from? Inside those who produce it. So make peace with your past, free yourself, and discover wherever you are, you are free. Free to feel anything you choose…..****

    from “Imprisoned in Alcatraz of your own” mind!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQOdvJsi3Tw&feature=BFa&list=UUOVY8R3PIBUfd5caS3lnMeQ&lf=plcp

    .
    .
    .



  271.  #271FlowerChild77 on February 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    Turquoise…I couldn’t agree with you more. I find it hard to forgive myself for staying with my husband as long as I did. The tension and fear were overwhelming. I was so constantly distracted and was not fully present for my children much of the time.

    They’ve grown into wonderful, loving adults. It was MY loss…..



  272.  #272kayla on February 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    @silver tounged siren.. i apologize for the confusion this was me saying that i don’t like responding to one worded messages.



  273.  #273Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    261 Zara- Thanks for posting that link! I am always interested in the connection between emotions and our body. I might even use it as material to post when I get my business page up and running.



  274.  #274Silver-Tongued Siren on February 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    271 -kayla –

    Ahh- yes ok I thought that’s what you were saying. Yes I don’t either. Sometimes I won’t respond unless they ask a question. I think I don’t like responding to a one worded message either. I don’t like having to keep up the conversation. 😀



  275.  #275Memulo on February 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Girls, not reading the blog yet, just wanted to say that I did invite SmartCD to the show (and no, I am not a musician) and he was wonderful and sweet and respectful and I can’t wait to see him again!

    And he is sooo smart!



  276.  #276Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    SLV – thanks for hugs!!



  277.  #277Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    *sigh* I think I’d be kidding myself if I believed I actually had a relationship – or something that was going to become a relationship – with K. Yeah, I realize it all sounded so good, when I was writing about him on the blog. And I really did feel a connection in my heart (as opposed to my head, or my groin, for example). Plus, he talked about my heart, and about love, and about partnership, in a way that made sense to me. But I also think he’s not really ready. He said that he’s not ready.

    I really appreciate that he said that he loves me, and he really meant it. I appreciate that he didn’t mean to like me so much, and yet he did. But I can’t construe all of that to mean…something. Anything. It is what it is. He said he’s not ready. Former relationship. “Issues” – whatever. Blah, blah, blah.

    Now I just feel used, after our last meeting. Good thing we didn’t have sex! But we DID spend a full 9+ hours together. For realz! That might just be my longest date ever (not including sleepovers ; )

    It’s been too long, though. It’s almost a week since I’ve heard from him, and no word on what he wants me to do with his bluetooth thingy that he left here. I’m not asking him what to do, and FMs at this point would just be futile – he’s not engaged. He’s doing his “stuff.” he’s in his “man-cave.”

    Good thing I have all these other men to “bridge” with. One of them is emailing me while on vacation – cute! Another one just called me “dear” today. And I think there are some more, but I can’t remember – lol!

    Also, I seem to be in a deep mode of self-work, myself. I keep having all these issues come up that I need to focus on and “deal with.” It’s probably a good thing that I’m not “dealing” with them, with somebody else, who doesn’t need that B.S. Not that i want to be perfect. But better that I have a good, or better handle on myself, so that when the right relationship does come along, I’ll be ready.

    Or maybe Mars retrograde has him, too.



  278.  #278Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    I just keep watching all my friends – well, not all, but many of them – suddenly get into real relationships. Like bubble wrap popping, one bubble at a time…

    Two of them just happened recently. One – my friend, W started seeing a guy, L, right around the time i started seeing K. She and I hung out together with our “guys” a couple of times. Next thing I know, she’s in a “relationship” with L – right after New Year’s. He did all the right things – HE actually kept it slow and said he didn’t want to sleep with her until they were in a committed relationship. Then he ASKED her if she would be his girlfriend. Now, I know what you guys are going to say – “no girlfriend speech” and all of that. But from where I’m sitting, it was textbook sireny. She’s a pretty go-getter person, but from her own account, she never leaned forward or “drove” the relationship in any way. She even used that language, like “drove the train” or the boat, or something like that, when she was telling me the story.

    Meanwhile, her guy is stepping up, and mine is stepping down. What did I doo??? Was it because I didn’t like Bud Light? Was it because I refused sex that one time? Was it because I cried? Was it because, because, because? I have no idea. It could have been any of those things. It could have been my anxiety before the New Year. Now I guess I feel less anxiety. Not with anyone around to feel anxious about. No, I feel anxious. Is it because my self esteem is so low?

    Is my confidence that shattered? My trust in myself so miniscule? Yeah, I said I trust myself. I do. I trust my body. I don’t always trust my conscious mind…

    I wish I had more. I wish I felt confident to have a relationship. I feel I have been working so hard… working hard at not working hard. Spending so much time, going on so many dates…I’ve probably invested more time in dating that any of my friends that I talk to. But maybe I just talk about it more than they do. I keep getting excited about guys that mean nothing.

    I want to get excited and meet a guy who does mean something. But I also want to get right with myself, and feel really good first. Otherwise, it’s not going to feel good in the relationship, because whoever the person falls in love with will be an incomplete picture of me. And right now, I feel the picture is very incomplete. It is full of holes and missing pieces, half of which are places I can’t even see. From here and there, I’m getting help to put the pieces back together. Slowly, I may begin to see the real picture of who I am.

    K said that I am “perfect.” That was so sweet to me. And maybe that was his message to me. Maybe that’s what he had to deliver, and now he’s gone. I guess we’ll see. I just search my heart, and I don’t find the same feeling of knowledge and connection that I had before. Then again, it’s like we say here, no guy exists unless he’s right in front of me. I guess he just doesn’t really exist. Just me!



  279.  #279Tiffany on February 6, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Spamming blog. But now i am so tired, i am going to go to bed. didn’t get nearly as much done today as I had hoped. It was kind of a lost day, work-wise. But I did accomplish some interesting stuff…this is a huge time of inner transformation for me. It’s like I can literally feel all these changes taking place, and even though I care about my work and all that, it is just taking a back seat to what’s going on inside my heart and mind right now…really interesting what’s happening. I am curious where this is all leading…..

    Good night!



  280.  #280Brenda on February 6, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    FlowerChild,

    RE: #266 – “Brenda…how are you doing tonight? I do understand why you feel like you need to lean forward with Ryan. I really do. But I was troubled to see that you feel Ryan is ‘depriving’ you. ”

    In general, no, he is not responsible for my feelings. But the thought behind my words is wondering if he is INTENTIONALLY leaving me lonely as a means of controlling me. He knows loneliness is one of my biggest issues.

    It’s sort of like the accountant in the movie, “Pretty Woman”, who finds out Julia Roberts was previously a hooker. He tries to rape her.

    In my open feeling messages, Ryan knows about my past emotional abuse and how I still struggle with self-esteem. I am wondering if he is in effect preying on my past hurts, taking advantage of my weaknesses. If he is, then not only should I not remain lonely on account of him, I should run the other direction. Just not sure what’s going on. I feel wary. I feel mistrustful.



  281.  #281Emerson on February 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

    @ lk #25
    I know that song that you quoted 🙂
    Haven’t heard it in a long time though!
    I’ll have to dig it out….



  282.  #282Emerson on February 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

    today I’ve been missing RecycledCD
    Thinking about the past…with him…
    but I need to think about the future….



  283.  #283R.N.AmazingMe on February 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

    Hello beautiful sirens I have not been here for way toooo long!! Missed the convo and uplifting stories, the learning experiences. I have been cought up but in a good way not focusing on any man. Just me, my career, my new car, and then next will be my living situation. I just need more experience to add to my resume so I can get hired somewhere else to get some good money making hours in!! I am happy though, even though I cannot sleep and I am sitting here eating a box of heart shaped cookies. That seems depressing but it’s not rather amusing. I appreciate all you have been sharing. Brenda I been watching your Ryan situation as we have spoken before on our similar experience. If Ryan or any man is intentionaly playing on your weaknesses, you should call it out and get out of there. You deserve a man that will see your beauty and bring out all the wonderful things you are without even trying. Don’t let anyone in your life sabotage you for being you. A man who loves you will love all your strengths and handle your weakness with TLC. I care about your happiness you deserve it. Just thought of offering some kind words even though u didnt ask!! 🙂



  284.  #284R.N.AmazingMe on February 7, 2012 at 1:48 am

    It’s so amazing to not feel in need of a man but wouldnt mind having one! What a change of pace in my life, I respect me and I think I am doing a good job without words getting respect the way it should be. I love myself more than any man out there and that my friends took a long time but it was so worth the life experience! I have my great kids that are my heart and a great family all of us really close. Not too much more to ask for, feeling blessed for being me and having the life I do!



  285.  #285Sun Goddess on February 7, 2012 at 2:45 am

    I’ve been feeling mistrustful of everything and envy one lately. Why? It all started when I had a dream about someone coming into my house at the middle of the night. The next morning, my front door had been unlocked all night. Then I see a car parked in front of my driveway with people inside of it for at least 30 minutes. I feel scared someone is out to hurt me but in some ways I know it is all in my head. why am I inventing such fear for myself? I can’t seem to forgive myself for the past….for something I didn’t do to myself but I blame myself for. So, now I hurt everything good as to not feel that again. LP is a victim tough he’s done nothing wrong. It’s not him that can’t commit, it’s me but I project it onto him. I bet if I felt safe in our relationship he would open up so much more.



  286.  #286Sun Goddess on February 7, 2012 at 2:46 am

    Envy=everyone



  287.  #287April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 3:55 am

    I feel entangled.
    Can I say that? Is that a feeling message?
    Or is it an analysis?

    I feel entangled with a man. I would go as far as to say I feel trapped.
    I invested myself before I had given myself time to know if he was the right man.
    I met him way before I found this fantastic Rori stuff. I would have done it all so differently if I’d had this siren know-how.

    So, its not too late to circular date, right?
    I want to honour myself. Knowing what I know now, I’ll decide that I can hold out for ….. for what?

    A fantastic, true connection?
    I have that already. Don’t I?
    I feel so much doubt.



  288.  #288Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 3:56 am

    Turquoise –

    Thanks for the suggestion about lunch instead of dinner. It’s a very good idea and I will definitely keep it in mind…

    …it’s just that lunch at home doesn’t sound like a date for me. It’s not as romantic and cozy as a dinner. No wine, no candles, and it’s different to cook a big soup for dinner or for lunch…

    But I’ll think of a way to make it work…

    Or maybe I can make dinner and control the amount of wine we drink… lot of wine = high possibility to slip in the bed…no?

    Anyway, he hasn’t invited me yet, lol. So I’ll think about it later. He’s not in front of me now so he doesn’t exist.

    Will be in the moment of my day today and focus on myself and on my work.

    Have a good day ladies!!!



  289.  #289April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 4:19 am

    I’m asking myself why am I here on this blog?

    The first thing that came up were feelings. Towards ‘you’ who read my posts. First feeling: anxiety. Then warmth. A lot of anxiety. A lot of warmth!

    But when I asked the question ; Why do I post here and what do I want? I knew the answer straight away.
    I want the same thing for you that I want for me.

    I want you to draw towards you the man who will worship you in the way that feels the best to you.
    I want you to know and honour your true truth (not impulsive fantasy).
    And I want you, when you are sure that he is the one (and I want you to be sure) and he asks you for a commitment, to make that commitment.
    I want that commitment to be to honour yourself and honour the relationship.

    Wow. It feels so much easier to discover what ‘I’ want when I make it about ‘You’.

    I love You. And I love the way you support the other women here and support me in the very deep quest we are engaged in.



  290.  #290Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 4:34 am

    Girls,

    I got a text from SmartCD while I was asleep – confirming the next date and asking: do you want money for the ticket? I don’t know what to say.. I was planning to charge him for his ticket, so perhaps I will say

    I was going to charge you for the ticket because I feel silly about paying for a man so early on, but had such a nice time that I won’t?



  291.  #291Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 4:39 am

    oh and I asked him to keep my sell during the show because my purse is so tiny, it doesn’t fit in there and then after I asked for it back and he said: don’t worry, I’ll give you your cell back, otherwise I can’t text you!



  292.  #292Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 4:40 am

    *cell



  293.  #293Turquoise on February 7, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Memulo,

    I hate those types of situations. Maybe just keep it short and say, Yes, thanks. It’s $___________. Or, what you said works too!



  294.  #294Turquoise on February 7, 2012 at 4:48 am

    I really don’t feel like going to work today. My stomach is in knots. I found out yesterday that I might have to start working in the city, at least part time, for the next 6 months. What makes me angry, is that my boss hasn’t even talked to me about it yet. I’ll be adding 80 min. to my day to commute, plus gas. What I like best about my job is being so close to home if the girls need me. Today I’ll find out more, but it feels bad to know he was planning this for me without discussing it first. Makes me feel kinda angry too.

    But mostly, I have fear of going to the city, I don’t like the traffic or the noise… but I also miss out on a lot of special events because I don’t want to drive there. Maybe this has come up for me to heal, and will open more doors. I still feel scared about it though, and my stomach really hurts!



  295.  #295RiverGirl on February 7, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Memulo @ 289
    “I was going to charge you for the ticket because I feel silly about paying for a man so early on, but had such a nice time that I won’t?”

    Hi Memulo,
    I wonder whether saying it that way might make him feel pressured about always getting every thing perfect or you won’t be happy. Like oh, if she didn’t have a good time she’d make me pay?!

    Not saying that he shouldn’t pay though. Sounds like this is for a date and ticket you have already had and paid for so perhaps you could say ;
    “Oh, thank you, I’d really appreciate that. It was such a great show! I felt so ……. seeing it with you. : )”



  296.  #296RiverGirl on February 7, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Awww Turquoise, hope it all pans out for you.



  297.  #297Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:21 am

    Oh Turquoise it tlreally s*ck that you are gonna loose 80 minutes of your precious siren time and will be far from your girls 🙁

    You know, my best friend (well she haven’t call me in months but I guess I still can call her my best friend) was really afraid of the city before too. She was afraid of the public transportation, and of the homeless people, and of the crowded streets, etc. It was bad because me, I decided to make my life in the city 1st for school and 2nd because there is much more fun jobs. So we were not seeing each other often… And this is how we started to loose contact now that I think of it.

    And then she wanted to go to school amd she looked for a programm where she wouldn’t have to travel to the city and she found one and she didn’t like it so she just lost one year of her time! And she finally decided to come study downtown and she had to heal this and take the public transportation every morning. At first she was choosing classes only in the morning because she was afraid to take the bus after 5!!! But then she had no choice…

    And you know what? Because she had no choice to face her fears, she is now almost more a city girl than me!! She goes shopping and she even goes to bars in town an I think she enjoys it and she made friends here and she feels very comfortable in the transportation and in the crowded streets now! It just made her life better!

    Maybe having no choice to drive to the city for 6 months will make your life better too…?



  298.  #298Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 5:44 am

    Memulo,

    I would say ‘it cost $. I felt so _ seeing it with you’



  299.  #299Femininewoman on February 7, 2012 at 5:47 am

    April Rose I guess people could identify with the feeling of being trapped in a cage like a mouse. Going round and round on the same hampster wheel everyday.



  300.  #300Silver Moonbeam on February 7, 2012 at 5:48 am

    #138 lk

    I like this post, very much. 🙂



  301.  #301tenny on February 7, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Hi Sirens:

    No time to read the blog this week, can just post a few thoughts. Having a rough confusing week emotionally. Much love to you all.



  302.  #302Susan on February 7, 2012 at 5:54 am

    RE: 262: T-Girl says:

    “253 Yay Susan!! I think when it takes them so long to say it, once they finally do it just seems so much more meaningful :)”

    Once he gave himself permission to say it once, he has been saying it a lot! And I have noticed something inside of him seems to have relaxed. He seems joyful. I know I feel joyful.

    Thank you T-Girl



  303.  #303Susan on February 7, 2012 at 5:59 am

    RE: 265: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

    “253 Susan! Wow soo lovely!! I am so glad he found the courage to tell you! I feel so much joy and excitement for you, so sublime!”

    Thank you! And me too! He spent so much time saying things like “I love ‘this about you'” or “I love you, I mean I really like you.” I was beginning to think he was defective, LOL! He was just scared. I really don’t bite…. not hard, anyway…

    He is taking me to a Valentine’s Day dance and has invited me to a birthday brunch for one of his daughters. His kids seem to like me (they were at my house for Superbowl.)

    I can’t remember when I was this happy.



  304.  #304Susan on February 7, 2012 at 6:02 am

    I wouldn’t be in this relationship with this man if it were not for Rori. I do use feeling messages with him, BUT it is the BOUNDARY that I stated over a year ago that caused him to suddenly take me seriously. I never mention it, but he refers to it a LOT. And repeats how much he admires me for setting that boundary. He could have blown me off when I set the boundary. I was taking a chance, but it ended up paying off. And if it hadn’t, then he wouldn’t have been the man I had hoped he was.



  305.  #305Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Thank you Turquoise, RiverGirl and Lolita!

    The thing is that when I invited him I texted the $$ amount of the ticket. I gave him full information in my invite. I felt a little surprised that he didn’t give me money back without asking. There is no rush of course, at the end he did ask if I want money back. He offered snacks/drinks in the intermission, he felt very attentive and caring.

    I feel most comfortable saying: thank you, it is $XX. It felt good being there with you



  306.  #306Femininewoman on February 7, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I don’t know Memulo. ” It felt good being there with you” kinds of feels to me like you are trying to convince somebody of something. Also what are you telling him thank you for? You invited him on a date so you are thanking him for allowing you to court him?



  307.  #307Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Memulo, I agree with FW, don’t say ‘thank you’ at least not this time as you are the one who invited him. Again, I would keep it simple, state the $ amount, and say ‘I felt _ seeing the show with you’



  308.  #308Mel on February 7, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Congrats Susan!!! That must have felt so great to hear the words.

    “He spent so much time saying things like “I love ‘this about you’” or “I love you, I mean I really like you.” I was beginning to think he was defective, LOL! He was just scared.” ….. I’m chuckling to myself 🙂



  309.  #309Femininewoman on February 7, 2012 at 6:43 am

    In Reconnect Rori talks about speaking about how you felt while watching the show. It felt intense, I felt like I was going to fall off the chair laughing when/during (scene). I felt like I was going to implode when ………..

    I am not sure I would include how I felt with him. It is less scary to share how I felt about the show.



  310.  #310Mel on February 7, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Also, Susan, I’m feeling curious what boundary you expressed to him and how…



  311.  #311Femininewoman on February 7, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Mel, Susan, Starla congratulations. I just realized I was feeling resistant to responding about these good stories because I am feeling jealous. lol I am really a girl. The person I had really wanted that from said it very early on and he said it every time we spoke just that he never kept things moving forward. I don’t talk about it because I really wish him the best and don’t want to focus on his behavior to make him wrong. I have accepted that he is entitled to do what he wants. He was one of the greatest inspirations in my life. The type who is unstoppable.



  312.  #312April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Susan, re 303

    “… it is the BOUNDARY that I stated over a year ago that caused him to suddenly take me seriously”

    Please can you tell us more. What was the boundary and how did you state it?

    Love, AR



  313.  #313Sondra on February 7, 2012 at 7:41 am

    LOLITA – I find myself feeling very curious – did you hear from him last night? What happened?



  314.  #314Mary Jane on February 7, 2012 at 7:45 am

    I need a little help & know some of you out there can help me. Two things: First-Can a man spend time with a woman & have sex with her for months & not have any feelings for her? Second-How does a woman find out how he is feeling without coming right out & asking & ruining everything? Thanks..



  315.  #315Sondra on February 7, 2012 at 7:57 am

    I had a wonderful evening with my Match guy last night – we seem to have reached a new level after I shared my fears with him – telling him my heart lets him in but my brain freaks out and won’t let me speak gives us something to laugh about. We laugh a lot – even during sex! He is a very energetic and fun person – he makes me lighten up and not take everything so seriously.

    We spend a lot of time at his house because I have 3 teenage buys at mine . . . we go out a lot too, but I like the quiet evenings at his house. He gets off work before me and likes to cook me dinner. I get the feeling that he will want me to move in with him if things keep going this way – he has made little hint comments already, but I’m very conflicted about that. I love my own house – it is on the water and I have some land and lots of dogs (not to mention 3 boys who are mostly grown, but still live with me – ages 17, 20 and 21).

    I have not been divorced very long and I like having my own private place to call home. I can’t see me wanting to give that up any time soon, although i do love him and enjoy being with him very much! It makes him sad when I get out of bed to go home at night.

    I know I am just inviting trouble even thinking about this right now – it is too soon and he hasn’t even asked me to move in, but my mind is looking for the next issue (can’t help it) and this seems to be it for us because i can tell he wants me to stay with him as much as possible. He even calls his bedroom “Our room” and is asking me questions about how I might like to remodel the house this summer . . .

    I could obviously save a fortune (I’m renting my house, but plan to buy it) if I lived with him, but I want to proceed with my plans to buy my house. I was going to do it this spring when I get my bonus, so that is why there is an urgency to the situation – the last time i mentioned to him that I was going to buy the house, he made a comment about it that made it clear he was thinking I didn’t need to…



  316.  #316Goodheart on February 7, 2012 at 8:35 am

    I feel so happy to live near Sedona (less than 2 hrs). It really does fill you with a sense of awe & wonder – the red rocks everywhere you look. And if you travel a little further up the road (just 15 minutes) you enter the enchanting Oak Creek Canyon, with pine trees surrounding the winding road & the creek chattering all the while.

    Makes you feel like anything is possible~



  317.  #317Susan on February 7, 2012 at 8:44 am

    RE: 309: Mel and 311 April Rose:

    “Also, Susan, I’m feeling curious what boundary you expressed to him and how…”

    This will be a repeat for some. Sweet Man and I had dated 4 years prior and he left me to go back to a woman he had been back and forth with over a 10 year period. Way back then, he left me right before Christmas and spent Christmas with her instead of me. This was our second try and we began again right before Halloween. Even though he was not seeing her, he spent Thanksgiving with her (because she would host his three kids and they had never seen him be with anyone but her.) Christmas was coming and he had just tole me that although he wasn’t seeing her, that he would spend Christmas with her as well – for the same reason. This. Drove. Me. Insane. I was sure I was going to lose him to her again and my arguments that he should bring the kids to my house fell on deaf ears. This is when I found Rori. This is when I first heard of the power of stating a boundary.

    The next time we were together, I calmly stated that I was fine with him spending Christmas with her because we were a relatively new couple and he was making this decision for his kid’s sake. I then said, “This is the last time I will be number two with you.” Then I completely dropped the subject. I literally never brought it up again and invited a different man to Christmas dinner at my house and I didn’t tell him about that until about 6 months after the fact. Sweet Man made a huge turn around after Christmas and introduced me to his kids before New Year’s Eve. He refers back to the “This is the last time I will be number 2” statement as the moment he began taking me seriously.



  318.  #318Starla on February 7, 2012 at 8:47 am

    So ladies!! I really have become allergic to almonds!! I had quite the allergy-induced asthma attack on the train home from work last night. Scary! I am okay, though. I have medicine that works pretty good for when this happens. I’m so used to only dealing with it this bad in warmer months.

    I went to sleep with heavy, burning, watery feeling lungs and woke up feeling almost completely better 😀



  319.  #319Starla on February 7, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Ohh FW 310, you are too cute (sincerely). You’re not the only one who feels jealous in my life right now…at least you admit it, and it just makes you sweeter and cuter (more than usual hehe) in my eyes.

    Right now one of my friends is in full on eye-rolling mode and making contemptuous comments about everything positive in my life. She is very close to me, so I know she is really just hurting inside so badly right now. But it still feels like quite a sting when she lets once of her snarky comments fly about me and my finances or me and my love life or me and my diet and wellness.



  320.  #320Susan on February 7, 2012 at 8:57 am

    RE: 310: Femininewoman:

    “I am feeling jealous. lol I am really a girl.”

    (((HUGGS))) I’ve been in those shoes too.



  321.  #321Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 8:59 am

    FW –

    I used your snail story for work. I copied it on a poster and I stuck it on our board. It might inspire my team. 🙂 thank you!



  322.  #322Starla on February 7, 2012 at 9:02 am

    I felt very pissed at CF this morning, but I just said so, and did the walk away by getting off the phone, and then i LEANED BACK. usually i would call back and be attitudinal like, “omg you pissed me off,” and cop an attitude expecting the man to fix it while i belittled him with my words (because my needs were not being met, and i was feeling unsafe and abandoned), except it NEVER worked. A man would either shrink and withdraw or get very angry.

    So I leaned way back and went on with my life. I felt so pissed, but also simultaneous respect and appreciation for him as a whole. Just. Freaking. Pissed!!! at what he said/did.

    He texted me soon after that he was sorry, but apologizing for something that i wasn’t actually angry about. he missed the mark a little bit and through feeling messages i let him know what felt bad and what i didn’t want. honestly I would have appreciated a call but i didn’t have the time to talk on the phone then, but YAY! I DIDN’T HAVE TO CHASE HIM like i normally would with men. I used feeling messages to express exactly how i was feeling without blaming, and over the course of a couple text messages we were easy breezy communicating again.

    This was our first REAL fight. It lasted all of one text message.

    I love Rori’s way of communicating. It makes life easier for everyone involved, and gets my feelings tended to without me having to cry, beg, yell, withdraw as punishment, punish in general, make bitchy comments, etc.



  323.  #323Starla on February 7, 2012 at 9:11 am

    ooops went into moderation:

    I felt very pi*ssed at CF this morning, but I just said so, and did the walk away by getting off the phone, and then i LEANED BACK. usually i would call back and be attitudinal like, “omg you pi*ssed me off,” and cop an attitude expecting the man to fix it while i belittled him with my words (because my needs were not being met, and i was feeling unsafe and abandoned), except it NEVER worked. A man would either shrink and withdraw or get very angry.

    So I leaned way back and went on with my life. I felt so pi*ssed, but also simultaneous respect and appreciation for him as a whole. Just. Freaking. P*issed!!! at what he said/did.

    He texted me soon after that he was sorry, but apologizing for something that i wasn’t actually angry about. he missed the mark a little bit, and through feeling messages i let him know what felt bad and what i didn’t want. honestly I would have appreciated a call but i didn’t have the time to talk on the phone then, but YAY! I DIDN’T HAVE TO CHASE HIM like i normally would with men. I used feeling messages to express exactly how i was feeling without blaming, and over the course of a couple text messages we were easy breezy communicating again.

    This was our first REAL fight. It lasted all of one text message.

    I love Rori’s way of communicating. It makes life easier for everyone involved, and gets my feelings tended to without me having to cry, beg, yell, withdraw as punishment, punish in general, make bi*tchy comments, etc.



  324.  #324Susan on February 7, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Oh, and when Sweet Man found out months later that I had spent Christmas with another man he got really upset. I just shrugged and said, “You spent Christmas with whom you wanted to spend it, and so did I.” He hasn’t left me alone since.



  325.  #325Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Susan I’m so happy for you!! CONGRATULATION!!

    And well…. I feel a little jealous too… 🙂

    xoxo



  326.  #326Goodheart on February 7, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Oh, I feel yucky, yucky, yucky! I was put in a really awkward position at work & I have to say I didn’t handle it very well.

    At all.

    I felt sort of ambushed & unprepared & blurted things out – well they came out all wrong. I was asked my opinion on something & I gave it honestly. Too honestly. And now my boss is not happy with me at all.

    I just feel ill.



  327.  #327Susan on February 7, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Thank you, Lizka!

    When I look at what happened in hindsight, it appears I was calm and very sure of myself. I wasn’t and I wasn’t. That sad Christmas I was in tears every time I was alone.

    This past holiday season, I didn’t assume he would spend it with me. I told him I needed to make plans and asked him with whom he would be spending the holidays. He grabbed me and said, “With YOU! Of course!” If he has said anything else, I would have broken up with him on the spot. I was determined to NOT be number 2 ever again and I’m not. *whew!*

    He never contacts her and he is aware I am jealous of her because she has had the power in the past to pull him away from me. I doubt she still has that power, though. He has made it very clear he is mine, mine, mine!

    It was emotional and difficult to get ‘here.’ But doing it Rori’s way helped me hang onto my self respect. I wasn’t taking crumbs.



  328.  #328Femininewoman on February 7, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Do you know your beautiful essence? Have you worked with your Guidance to see the magnificence of who you are? Do you realize that you are an individual expression of the Divine?

    When you take back the power of defining your own worth, then you no longer need to try to control how others feel about you. For me, this was a huge relief, and freed up so much energy for love, creativity and productivity. It was defining my worth through the eyes of my Guidance that enabled me to stop judging myself, since judging myself was all tied up in trying to get myself to do things right and be ‘perfect’ so that others would love me.

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/3031/who-am-i.html



  329.  #329Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Update on my side.

    Last night M did call me after the hospital to come over. It was about 9p. He said it’s too late for sushi but I got some things. SO I agreed to come over as he said it would be so nice. We had a nice evening and I slept over.

    He asked me to come over again tonight! We’ll do something special he said as he’ll be home much earlier and we can go out.

    Also, he has training on Weds but said I’m welcome to come sleepover after as he works from home on Thurs we can spend a little time together before he gets his kids back.

    Ah… I had gotten him some pyjamas for xmas and he likes the top so much he said he would wear it for other occasions… I said it,s so nice you could wear it to go out actually… he said ‘I don’t go out, I don’t need to meet chickies, I allready got my chickie’.

    He was deliciously caring and held me all night.

    All is fair and good!



  330.  #330Sondra on February 7, 2012 at 10:28 am

    YEA Lolita!

    I was sending you so much positive energy – I’m very happy for you that the evening turned out so well.



  331.  #331Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Oh and about the texts… He had texted me twice more and I didnt answer, just waiting for him to call as his texts said as he didnt ask for a call back in the texts.. and when he called he was all worried ‘didn’t you get my texts?’



  332.  #332Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Thank you Sondra! I’m also happy for you, seems to be going well with your Match guy.



  333.  #333Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 10:33 am

    FW, LK, Brenda, STS, thank you so much for your support! It helped me immensely yesterday to stay calm and respond to his text in a Rori way! It works!!! 🙂



  334.  #334Starla on February 7, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Ok, things are still tense with me and CF. We weren’t communicating clearly. He forgot about a hockey game he invited me to for tonight a looong time ago, he has the tickets and they were an xmas present, so he feels a lot of pressure to make it (he loves hockey too!). I could care less about hockey, but we were texting back and forth about if he wants to go and if i can squeeze it in since we never firmed up plans, and it was getting confusing, so i just called him to tell him i would go to the game if it was important to him, but that i am not personally anxious to go or worried about if we’ll make it, since i’m not a sports girl. and he got flustered and upset and said right now he just doesn’t even care and doesn’t want to go (having an immature moment), so I tried to be open to hearing him and not telling him to calm down or rowing the boat like that, but I did say “i hear you…” and he said thanks for listening…and i said “i don’t want to overstep my bounds here, but if you’re anything like me, you’ll regret not using those tickets tonight”

    and then i got nervous about killing his attraction to me by mothering him, so i started acting weird and frustrated myself, and then he said it was okay, and i told him that my heart was just big and open for him right now and i didn’t know how to express that appropriately without making him feel bad or making me look weird.



  335.  #335Starla on February 7, 2012 at 10:49 am

    now i am texting him some encouragement that everything’s okay and i respect his decision whatever it is, and that he is always putting himself second, so by the time he has a chance to put himself first by doing something fun (hockey game), the only thing he can think of to do to take care of himself is blow off the fun thing because it seems inconvenient and pressurey to all involved, including himself. i said it’s okay to let people rearrange their schedules a little bit even when it’s inconvenient, to join you, and it’s okay to table a responsibility to go do something fun every one in a while.

    i feel scared to mother him. yet, i care for him and see he could use support from someone he cares about. he shows me support every time i get upset. is it okay for me to be sweet and encouraging?

    Sometimes humans need this from the ones they love. He is very much like me…going to the default of “oh nevermind” when he tries to do something for himself that he really wants but it seems to inconvenience others.



  336.  #336Laughing Goddess on February 7, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Hi Starla, I say trust your intuition. You are so good at this. Now that you have given him encouragement, it might feel good to just lean back, focus on the positive, and give him an opportunity to make things right.



  337.  #337Laughing Goddess on February 7, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Maybe focus on giving yourself whatever you need so that when he does bounce back from his insecurity or unknowing or whatever it is, you will be feeling really open and easy-breezy.



  338.  #338Goodheart on February 7, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Starla, it seems fine to give him your support & encouragement. It didn’t sound like mothering to me.

    I feel that way sometimes too, like where do I draw the line between support/encouragement & mothering? I just go with what I’m feeling. Usually I just try to relate it to what I would do in that situation.

    “I know sometimes I let the fun in life pass me by because I’m trying to look out for everybody else. I’m trying to grab opportunities for fun now, whenever I can. It feels good.”

    And even still, sometimes, I may go a little overboard with the support (in my mind) so then I become extra girly for awhile after that 🙂



  339.  #339Femininewoman on February 7, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Here’s a quick and simple “test” to see how open you are in a given moment:

    Is your body physically more open or closed?

    For example …

    – Are your arms crossed? Is your body hunched or curled over?

    You are probably feeling defensive and closed.

    – Are your arms outstretched or facing upwards? Is your body upright?

    These are more open and welcoming postures.

    “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” – Chinese Proverb

    The other thing to consider is how your body feels in a given moment. When life is going your way, when it’s smooth and flowing, you typically feel relaxed. It’s your natural state.

    On the other hand, when life is tough and there’s challenges, usually you’ll feel tense and constricted. This is a sign that you’re not aligned with your True Nature.

    Same is true of your body. When it’s tense, that’s a sign that it’s out of balance and not as “open” to the world. When you feel relaxed, there’s an inherent openness that welcomes all of the world into your experience.

    As always though, don’t take my word for this. Try it out. 🙂

    Notice what you’re thinking and feeling when you cross your arms or certain muscles in your body feel tense. Similarly, when you feel totally relaxed and at ease, notice what your body posture looks like.

    Your Partner In Transformation,
    Chris Cade
    Liberate Your Life

    ——————————————————————————–



  340.  #340Femininewoman on February 7, 2012 at 11:14 am

    One of the biggest secrets that most women don’t understand is that a man who has difficulty with commitment is also a man that is afraid of being abandoned.
    Source: Bob Grant, L.P.C.

    Featured Topic: Why Does He Pull Away?

    Often in the beginning stages of a relationship, there is an intensity of feelings where both partners feel exhilarated. The man is smitten and can’t seem to get enough of the woman. He calls often and professes his love for her. He is constantly pressing to know more and more about her. For a woman, this is not only flattering, but also emotionally orgasmic. To have a man so consumed with her makes her feel complete.

    And then it happens; as the weeks or months go by, she notices that his attention seems to wane. He calls, but not as often. For some reason, he isn’t as emotive with his feelings as he was just a few weeks ago. Apparently, she is doing something wrong, right?

    If you’ve ever experienced this phenomenon, then let me explain the reasons for this scenario. When men feel emotions, they tend to feel them intensely and in short bursts. During the first few days/weeks/or even months, it is quite common for a man to feel intensely when he is in a new relationship.

    However, what men unwittingly do is give women the impression that they will feel and act intensely passionate indefinitely. In fact, they often believe that those intense feelings will last indefinitely. Many men are puzzled and discouraged when they wake up and those intense feelings aren’t there every waking moment. They say to themselves, “Something must be wrong ifI don’t feel as strongly as I used to.”

    It is at this point that many men end a relationship that easily could have developed into something that lasted a lifetime. What can you do to help a man avoid “losing interest?” To begin with, cultivate the understanding that a man will pull away at times in a relationship. Often women don’t think this situation applies to them. They often say that they know this can occur, but then they become scared and insecure when it actually happens.

    Quite frequently simply knowing this information isn’t enough, and women need insights and strategies that transform their fears into feelings of confidence.

    What a man finds more appealing than you can imagine isn’t someone who never gets nervous or emotional. What men find incredibly attractive is a woman who is confident enough to show her vulnerability and is able to prevent those feelings from overwhelming her. If you don’t know how to do this, then you can acquire this and other powerful skills.

    There is another aspect that women have complete control over. Often a woman appears overly accommodating by demonstrating the following types of behavior: allowing the relationship to progress too fast, giving more than she is receiving and/or tolerating poor behavior. If a woman acts in one of these ways, a man’s passion will always go away. Always. In fact, these are some of the primary reasons that lead to breakups and they must be addressed if a relationship can be saved.

    If you think that giving is the way to keep a man, then you’re actually making it more likely that he’ll become bored with you. To maintain passion you must always retain some mystery, even in a marriage. I know that may sound hard to do, but if you’re willing to learn how to put your heart first, you will have great results. Following these guidelines will allow you to experience the same joy and satisfaction women who know this secret are enjoying.

    Bob Grant



  341.  #341Mel on February 7, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Sometimes the line between ‘lean forward” and being open and honest gets blurred.

    So today I’m feeling just a little addicted and needy as it’s been a (short) while since I have seen Mr. A. I was certainly not going to email him to tell him this or ask to see him ASAP, as that would absolutely be leaning forward. But… when he emailed me today asking: How are you doing today? I was completely honest and said… “I’m feeling a little addicted and a bit like a greedy attention-starved girl. Te extraño.”

    He replied: “Hey you! I’m hoping you will be available for a sleepover then! I’d like to cook dinner for you too. Te extraño tambien!”

    At first I felt a little hesitant to say how I was feeling, as it was not the most rock-starish thing to say and almost felt a bit like leaning forward. But I figured that it WAS how I was feeling, and he was certainly not obligated to do anything about it, nor did I suggest a remedy. So I just went for the microscopic truth. Better than lying and being inauthentic and pretending I felt something I didn’t. And who the h*ll cares if I sometimes feel needy? I love myself anyway!



  342.  #342FlowerChild77 on February 7, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Bob Grant. Is this the same man also called ‘The Relationship Doctor’?



  343.  #343FlowerChild77 on February 7, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Mel,

    I think that once we’re in a relationship where the guy is consistently stepping up and meeting our needs and we feel ‘rockstar’ about how we feel around him that it’s ok to be authentic and share our feelings.

    I’m not an advanced Siren—but what you said to him sounds fine. He probably liked hearing that you miss him. 😉



  344.  #344Susan on February 7, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    RE: 340: FlowerChild77 says:

    “Mel,

    I think that once we’re in a relationship where the guy is consistently stepping up and meeting our needs and we feel ‘rockstar’ about how we feel around him that it’s ok to be authentic and share our feelings.”

    I agree with this statement. The beginning of a relationship is not the same thing as a relationship that has had a chance to mature. No, we should not be leaning forward all the time. No, we should not try to row that relationship boat… But I do feel it is appropriate to not hold back quite as much as in the beginning.



  345.  #345Starla on February 7, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    I am feeling so uncomfortable about this CF thing this morning, and I LOVE it. It’s totally tolerable and no matter what happens will be ok.

    But my heart IS beating too fast and i feel nervous and bad and weird…i love my discomfort. i love him. i think what is most uncomfortable is i want to call him and tell him not to worry and that everything is okay and say sweet things to him, but i’m scared of destroying his attraction for me with mothering. and i’m scared he’ll come to expect that, and fish for my attention with negative behaviors.

    there’s a lot going on in my head right now, lol.

    but! i am okay:)



  346.  #346Senior Lady Vibe on February 7, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    @338: Mel

    FWIW, it sounds perfectly fine to me. Why not?\
    Cool… and a little rockstar.
    8)



  347.  #347Starla on February 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    i already told him i’d be happy to go if it’s important to him, but that i don’t feel so crazy about sports so not to worry about taking me if he doesn’t want to go, and then i encouraged him to do something fun even if it seems inconvenient because he deserves it, so all i can do is lean back

    i know it sounds weird, but i DO love this. i like feeling this awful thing and not being off balance because of it. i know i will stay standing strong. soft on the outside, strong on the inside.



  348.  #348Starla on February 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    oooh he texted me with big thanks and to call him when it’s convenient for me. i’ll finish my lunch and call him:) wish me groundedness to not freak out at and dissect every little thing he says, LOL



  349.  #349Starla on February 7, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    that. did. not. go. well.



  350.  #350Mel on February 7, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Starla,

    Que paso?



  351.  #351FlowerChild77 on February 7, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Starla….?? What happened?



  352.  #352Laughing Goddess on February 7, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Starla?



  353.  #353Starla on February 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    He said he wants to go with his guy friend who is loaning him a truck to move today. I said that’s fine, and that really i just missed him and wanted to see him…and then he tried to make plans but backed down and acted too confused to mention when he could possibly see me again since I am busy tomorrow night. I told him how frustrated and second class I was starting to feel after such a stressful morning, and that if he wasn’t going to make seeing me a priority i would pretend like he doesn’t exist unless he’s in front of me so i stop feeling so wrapped up in him and foolish.

    Then he started crying saying i was scolding him.



  354.  #354Mel on February 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Soooooo cute! 🙂

    I didn’t reply right away when he said he’d cook me dinner, and I just got a text that said “Will you please have dinner with us?” LOL 😀



  355.  #355Mel on February 7, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    (((((Awwww… hugs Starla!!)))))



  356.  #356Starla on February 7, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    i know i didn’t act very sireny there but seriously, i feel completely abandoned when it happens. now my phone battery has died from texting and calling with him all morning.

    and he told me he consulted his sister and his best girl friend on what to do before calling me to tell me he is going to the game with someone else, and i feel mortified. like they’re going to think i’m some difficult chick. i did everything i could to make it as easy as possible on him without actually rowing the stupid boat. i was very supportive.

    i feel pissed and tricked and second class and really furious

    i called him back and i told him about how i need my man to be with me when i’m upset, and i felt bad, like no matter what all i could say was “man up”

    and for the first time ever i feel that lack of respect i felt for my other men in the past. like i want to call him a little b*tch and kick his puppy.



  357.  #357Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Mel, That’s great! By us he means with his kids?



  358.  #358Butterfly Wings on February 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Wwaahhhh! TH is going home tonight for two nights. Nothing’s “wrong” as such but he’s having a lot of trouble sleeping and he’s blaming it on my bed (which he has been complaining about forever!). So he wants to see if two nights in his own bed will help.

    I have my baby girl tonight and tomorrow night so it’s not like I can go and stay at his house.

    I’m actually thinking that this little two day break will be good for us, and we’ll probably talk online anyway.

    And last night was really nice. We snuggled in bed watching a movie and it was good to just relax with him for once. He wasn’t very well either, but was in good spirits.

    Anyway I am off to work so shall try to check in a bit later.

    xxx



  359.  #359Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Starla, I think right now you are doing way too much. Relax. Let him think about what you already said and don’t call him so much.



  360.  #360Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    BW, CC says Men need to pull away a little after the MOST intense moments. No worries. Be a Siren.



  361.  #361Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Starla, I don’t mean to tell you what to do by the way, you are an inspiration for all of us. I am just afraid right now you are slipping slightly… happens to all of us. Be a Siren.



  362.  #362Mel on February 7, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    354: @ Lolita

    Yup!

    It’s cute because last time I came over it was after his daughter (5 yrs) had already gone to bed- but not too much after. Mr. A was given specific instructions to send me up to visit because she felt sad that she wouldn’t get to see me. When I got up there she wanted a snuggle and to tell me some cute things and asked when I could play Barbies with her again. Sweetie!



  363.  #363Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Mel, Awwww… That’s so cute. Does he have other kids? Are you close to them/her?



  364.  #364FlowerChild77 on February 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    (((Starla))) You are right…it sounds like an old wound that’s being triggered, here. The only thing I can see that you could have done differently was to lean back and trust him. To trust in him (and the process–the art of allowing) to miss you and contact you when he can. Maybe give him some time/space while he’s moving and getting settled.

    I have serious abandonment issues, myself, so I really can relate to how you’re feeling. I am learning, though, in the power of leaning back and letting them genuinely miss us.

    And yeah…I wouldn’t be too happy to know he had ‘discussed’ me rather than talk to me about it 🙁

    Listening to Abraham on youtube helps me when I need to remember that all is as it should be and good is coming my way. I must allow it…with my alignment. Fear and resistance delay the fulfillment of my heart’s desires…



  365.  #365Mel on February 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    360: An teenage son as well. We also get along fairly well, I think. I like him; he’s got an awesome sense of humor.

    A while ago he was saying “ugh. people who laugh at their own jokes are so annoying!” And I was like “Awww! But I’m always laughing at my own jokes!” And he said “But you’re sorta funny, so that doesn’t count.” LOL



  366.  #366Ella on February 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Flowerchild.

    Thanks.

    I am feeling really happy at the moment.

    Still finding it hard to get myself to continue CD-ing the ones who I don’t feel attracted to but the blog helps keep me motivated.

    Glad you are enjoying the website. Feel free to join the forum and leave a comment or 2 if you fancy.

    xoxox



  367.  #367Mel on February 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Starla,

    My only “advice” here is to leave him be and then when he does contact you (and he WILL) try to share with him a little bit about what freaked you out. Maybe a bit about how you have been feeling a little anxious about the move, and so this just accentuated your fears. You’re just a girl… and you know you’ll miss him when he’s farther away, and while you want to be all strong, and mostly you are, sometimes you feel a little lost and unsure. And how having definite plans can really help you to get through this transition…

    I don’t know, just some thoughts… Chin up! You rock siren!!



  368.  #368Starla on February 7, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    he’s talking to me now on IM. he’s trying to take back control and be the man here. i really appreciate it. i’m telling him how good it feels that he’s talking to me, even if i feel frustrated as helllll



  369.  #369turquoise on February 7, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Starla,

    I kinda skimmed over because I’m at work, but didn’t you say that you didn’t want to go to the game? But he asked you first and then asked someone else? I’m confused.

    Don’t kick his puppy though… this guy loves you, we all screw up sometimes. And, sounds like you have been spending a lot of time together, maybe he just needs a guys night. Some men like to act stupid at sporting events… maybe he just wants to go and be a guy, not think about feelings, or the move, or where you are headed…. what do you think?



  370.  #370turquoise on February 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I’m relieved…. most likely I will NOT have to go work in the city. Whew… I’m relieved! I do feel more open to it though, after thinking about it all last night and if it does happen, I’ll face my fears and have a whole other side of living here open to me, without requiring someone else to drive me! 🙂

    On a side note, an old CD ordered some GS cookies from me last month and texted me today to ask when they’d be in. Dude, I already told you that… a couple times. We were dating last year at this time. I replied back when, but he didn’t send anything else. Maybe he just really wants his cookies, lol.

    My water pump is being replaced by a mechanic at work. Much cheaper than sending it to the garage. I feel grateful for that. Now, I just need two tires, and should be all set for awhile.

    I hope next year I’ll be getting something else!



  371.  #371Rachel R on February 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Love all the shares on here …so rich and real…

    Anny Idea’s for a St valentines gift for a man that doesnt say ” im trying to please him to much” ?? Only been dating 3 weeks…but hes taking me to some overnight thing so…i feel i should do a litle sumtin.

    Parfume ? ”from me”massage certificat ? strip tease ??? mmm…feeling confused…

    And in In context of the post..My sacred place is the second floor of my house where I have a clean open space for yoga and dancing…yeee



  372.  #372turquoise on February 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    And I DONT feel like cooking tonight, but I DO feel like saving money, sigh…. this is a dilemma.



  373.  #373turquoise on February 7, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Screw it. I’m saving money on the car repairs, I ordered Chinese and can pick it up on the way home. Taking care of me….. I love me!



  374.  #374Starla on February 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    i totally want him to go to the game with his buddy. i think that’s awesome.

    it’s not about the game..it’s about..well, the energy, i guess. the way he just laid down and died on me when i got a little upset and lost. i felt totally abandoned. he is turning it all around now, which feels encouraging.

    thank you ladies for being here for me. you all take such nice care of me and i’ve only met even a few of you. thank you so much



  375.  #375Sassy on February 7, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Brenda,
    I have been following your story for a long time now. I totally understand how you feel about Ryan and how you seem to punish yourself when he doesn’t text or contact you in a reasonable amount of time.
    I get it because I am in a similar situation with a man that I know deep in my heart is truly not capable of a long term relationship.
    My question to you (and I mean this sincerely, not trying to dissuade you) is, with Ryan’s illness and young age, why would you ever think he is intentionally trying to hurt you?
    I understand he hurt you and humiliated you three years ago.
    Is it possible that you have been unable to truly forgive him for that pain and feel he is going to “drop the other shoe” and do something similar again?
    I so feel your pain Brenda. I realize I am just kind of dropping in on your story but there is so much of it that I identify with.
    I would love to share more of our stories off blog, but only if you would feel comfortable.
    I do love all of the women on here and have learned more in the past year reading everyone’s stories, than I ever have in my adult life. And I am 56 years old!
    Anyway, I wish you love and happiness through yourself.
    “you can’t reach for anything new, if your hands are still full of yesterday’s junk”.



  376.  #376T-Girl on February 7, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Goodheart, we must be in the same neck of the woods because I am only a couple hours from Sedona as well.



  377.  #377Dominique on February 7, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Rachel – Nope, no gift, no sumtin. It’s too soon. This is the all about you time. Allow him to do for you, and try to enjoy it, revel in it, and not feel like you owe him. Men aren’t all that into getting gifts so much, but they so love to make you happy, i.e. give gifts whether it be an actual gift or a gift of love and attention or a fabulous orgasm.

    xxoo



  378.  #378Practicing girl on February 7, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Im feeling slighty in wonder…. practicing feeling messages outside in the real world is like learning to speak a new language! However the more I sink into my feelings and say them out loud (as a FM) (and just practice being, rather than doing), the more It feels like I am beginning to know my own character. I feel like I could cry with happiness for the new experinces this is bringing into my life.

    I am so surprised and grateful to find out that there is a sacred space inside me! I had no idea it was there all the time – I used to believe I would never be able to understand how some other ‘normal’ women seemed so Sireny and how they connected with men so organically and why I always felt like an outsider in my life – even If my friends who loved me told me a thousand times how much they loved me and how wonderful I was – and all those imaginary relationships with my head spinning at a thousand miles and hour….my default position was very much based in fear and insecurity that I was not good enough and unlovable – keeping smiling while my soup just raged undefined inside me, being understanding where I should have stood up for myself and lacking in any boundaries whatever.

    I feel compassionate for myself now for once thinking all those things. This is life-changing stuff were doing on here. Especially the CDing. I keep practicing feeling feelings which come up and treating myself with compassion. I am continuing to practice the tools and developing some real boundaries as a result of this.

    I have never even been able to write about me in terms of how I feel before with any confidence (or without worrying what other people will think about me), so this is a wonderful baby step for me here.

    Thank you again for the blogging space Rori,

    Love practicing girl.



  379.  #379Dominique on February 7, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Starla – People certainly can have food sensitivities and outright allergies. The body is made of chemical compositions after all and so is food. Some chemicals don’t mix so well.

    Nuts and eggs are some of THE most common known allergens.

    Sometimes if the sensitivity isn’t too acute, you can cycle the food in a now and again basis.

    Sometimes you can never eat that food again.

    xxoo



  380.  #380Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Sirens,

    Is bringing strawberries and chocolate for chocolate fondue for after at his place overfunctionning?



  381.  #381Starla on February 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    378 Lolita
    Yes. 100%



  382.  #382Starla on February 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Lolita, just realized my numbering is off cuz i went into moderation. but yeah, the strawberries thing is totally overfunctioning



  383.  #383Goodheart on February 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Ooh, T-Girl, that feels exciting to have a siren in my ‘hood 🙂

    And now I’m wondering if we’ve ever seen each other around!



  384.  #384FlowerChild77 on February 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Sassy…I don’t think I’ve seen you on here before. Nice to ‘meet’ you. I will be 52 next month and I have to say that I really like being this age. (Maybe not the grey hairs and new wrinkles, but…)

    Over the years, different people, and things I’d read or heard about have tried to deliver the gist of Rori’s tools and message to me. I, apparently, was not ready to ‘receive’ it :-/



  385.  #385Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Starla, thank you, no strawberries!

    Sirens and Starla Siren, he just calles and asked to pick up sushi (because last night was too late) saying that was the easiest BUT that he doesn’t want me to pay for it (will give me the money back) then he went into that he could just pick up Singapore noodles where he is and I froze! Didn’t know what to say… So before I could say anything he said ‘no, sushi is better’. I’m feeling he thought was silence was dissaproval at the Singapore noodles! So then I just said ‘sushi feels nice’… Oh well, still learning, but at least he’s paying for it!

    No strawberries.



  386.  #386Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    I decided not going to run tonight because I feel exhaisted and I finished work later than usual. I feel a little guilty about missing my trainning…

    Today, like everyday, I often caught myself thinking of ATW. Not with sadness. But I think I did great in the mind channeling. There is this gay co-worker with who i share a lot about my dating stories. Today I’ve decided I will talk to him less about ATW (and other CDs) because this is way too much focusing on him. Will try that in the next days.

    I feel sad because I am so broke this week and I can’t do anything and my fridge is already almost enpty. Next pay is only in one week. Don’t know how that happened… I usually have enough money until the next pay… I receive invites from different people and I have to decline because of the money. 🙁 that feels bad…



  387.  #387Sassy on February 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Flowerchild,
    Thank you for the warm welcome.
    I love my age, I’ve definitely earned every wrinkle and gray hair! Lol.
    What I have realized more than anything is how much in masculine energy I’ve apparently always been in. I’m trying to really find my feminine side, trying to think and talk in feeling messages. It’s hard because I’m very co-dependent and was never “allowed” to express my feelings. Especially if there was anger involved. I have fears of abandonment and rejection, so I’ve not allowed myself to feel anything!
    The men in my life are insecure and feminine energy, so I over function and feel a need to control. But I’m slowly, very slowly, trying to turn it all around.
    I’ve really identified with several sirens on here. I feel certain I can have found the soft place to land here.
    Much love,
    Sassy



  388.  #388Starla on February 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    well, gosh, CF went and turned it around again, bringing us back to that yummy good, feeling place. i feel appreciative of this. some guys never bother with this, or they fail miserably when they half-ass it.

    i still want something better than what led up to this point, communication-wise though. All that drama, on both of our parts, sigh… it comes from fear. we agreed to talk this one through at a later date. there’s not much he and i can do while i’m at work and we’re just IMing. so he just focused on expressing his affections for me and saying that one little fight doesn’t scare him. it felt sweet.



  389.  #389FlowerChild77 on February 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Sassy…I also grew up in a home where I was not “allowed” to have any feelings. I became invisible to survive the verbal abuse. That worked, but sure made it hard to live out in the real world. I’ve struggled my whole life with shyness and loving myself.

    I have co-dependent issues, as well. I find that the more I stay in the vortex (Teachings of Abraham) and follow what Rori teaches us–the less power my co-dependent reactions have. I’ve learned to respond, rather than reACT.

    Your name makes sense to me now that you’ve explained about your upbringing.

    Peace…



  390.  #390April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Starla,
    I know the feeling when a guy goes limp or upset because I’ve got upset. And yes, it does feel like being abandoned. It feels awful.
    I really hope there is a way we can let them know that they can stay strong for us. I know, I wish they would do it naturally. But I think its a conditioned response from when they were little boys.



  391.  #391Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Ok weird…

    ATW started texting me (5th day in a row he is contacting me)… Just regular bla bla… hi how are you…

    And then “Not too many sexy times?” so I just answered “Lol, no, no sexy time”.

    He said “I do feel like a sexy time” I wrote “Yeah, like always 😉 ”

    And then……….

    He asked me to send him a picture or two (yes that kind of picture)…

    WHAT?!

    Well we use to do that a lot.. when we were A COUPLE!! But now… he haven’t even kiss me on our last date!!

    Weird…

    I feel like a booty call. Not good…

    I answered “I’m in a supper mode. I just feel really hungry”

    And he said ok, later?

    Don’t know what to answer. I don’t want to send pictures of me to someone who is not my boyfriend…

    Maybe I should not answer. Or tell him I feel weird, I don’t want to send pictures to men that I am not in a serious relationship with?

    Ideas? I feel clueless…

    I don’t want to mess up this time…

    I want him to know that it’s a big NO for me, but I don’t want to be bitchy…



  392.  #392Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Saying no feels so scary…



  393.  #393T-Girl on February 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Goodheart, are you in the valley? I am in the east valley.



  394.  #394Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Lizka, why does it feel scary?



  395.  #395Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Francesca – because I feel afraid that if I say no he’s gonna back up and stop texting me every day like he’s been doing in the last days… 🙁

    I know it would be a good thing because if he’s backing up, means I was just a booty call for him… But I so don’t want that…



  396.  #396April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    I feel scared and sick.

    I was boasting on the last thread about kissing two men in one day. I casually tossed in that remark, thinking wow, aren’t I the bees knees.

    Well, I feel like the heat just got turned up.

    WM, the man I live with, is starting to step up, and I’m beginning to like him and feel close again.
    EM, the man I date and play guitar with, is really keen. He tries to kiss me a lot. He did it tonight. I panicked, I just kept seeing WM’s face in my mind. I felt traitorous.

    I’m going out with EM tomorrow. He’ll try and kiss me again. If i feel panicked, should I let him know? How should I express my feelings?

    I feel like I’m playing a dangerous game.



  397.  #397Starla on February 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Lizka, I’m an approval seeker by nature…so saying no feels really f*cking scary to me. I get angry, even, sometimes when I say no. Like “how dare you put me in a position to say no so that I have to risk losing your affection!!”



  398.  #398Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Maybe I should say “I would feel easy. I don’t want to feel like a booty call. I don’t want to share pictures like that with men I am not having a romantic relationship.”

    And maybe I should add “what do you think?”



  399.  #399Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Starla!! Exact same thing!! What do you think of my feeling message?



  400.  #400Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    (((LIZKA)))



  401.  #401Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    ” I don’t want to feel like a booty call” sounds blamey maybe?



  402.  #402Starla on February 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Lizka, I think you don’t have to justify your no. It sounds like convincing, which is a Rori no-no.

    I missed what happened though — did ATW ask you to send a naughty picture?



  403.  #403Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Well I’m gonna send my message like that… not too sure it’s perfect…



  404.  #404Lolita on February 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Lizka, maybe you should have the exclusivity talk with ATW. I did with M.



  405.  #405Sassy on February 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    FC77,
    Ah yes, verbal abuse, I know thee well. I am learning to talk to my inner child and tell her she’s ok, that she’s not going to be replaced by another little girl. That’s what I was threatened with if I didn’t “behave”. Trying to find forgiveness, because my mom did the best she could, the only way she knew how.
    I have seen some of the Abraham vids, get the daily quote email. I also devoured “Co-dependent no more” and read her daily “the language of letting go”. Very therapeutic for me.
    It’s time for me to learn to love me and stop trying to “fix” everyone, especially men.
    Lots to learn and work on, but it feels freeing.
    Are you in the US? I’m in Georgia.



  406.  #406Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Oh Starla, just realised my comment is in moderation… don’t know why. Will try to re post it…



  407.  #407Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Lolita I don’t think we are there yet… We haven’t even kiss on last date.

    And I’m not sure I want to be exclusive with him right now. Not sure enough he’s exactly what I need…



  408.  #408Starla on February 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    sure Lizka, or message me off of here. I think you’re giving him too much power with how you want to word your answer to him.



  409.  #409Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Here is the story. Hope it doesn’t go to moderation this time…

    Ok weird…

    ATW started texting me (5th day in a row he is contacting me)… Just regular bla bla… hi how are you…

    And then “Not too many sexy times?” so I just answered “Lol, no, no sexy time”.

    He said “I do feel like a sexy time” I wrote “Yeah, like always ”

    And then……….

    He asked me to send him a picture or two (yes that kind of picture)…

    WHAT?!

    Well we use to do that a lot.. when we were A COUPLE!! But now… he haven’t even kiss me on our last date!!

    Weird…

    I feel like a bo*ty call. Not good…

    I answered “I’m in a supper mode. I just feel really hungry”

    And he said ok, later?

    Don’t know what to answer. I don’t want to send pictures of me to someone who is not my boyfriend…

    Maybe I should not answer. Or tell him I feel weird, I don’t want to send pictures to men that I am not in a serious relationship with?

    Ideas? I feel clueless…

    I don’t want to mess up this time…

    I want him to know that it’s a big NO for me, but I don’t want to be b*tchy…



  410.  #410Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Why don’t you tell him it’s too early for you (in the relationship) to send the kind of picture he’s asking for?



  411.  #411Odila on February 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Hello ladies,
    What is the best thing to do with a man who is wanting me in a way that I feel scared he wants to shut me in a cellar and keep me for himself in there? I’m frightened by the steel-blue coldness of glinting in his eyes and also it turns me on like crazy I almost faint with the heat of fire in my groin. Am I crazy? I just feel so turned on by what looks like the power of a thousand military generals in his eyes.



  412.  #412Starla on February 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Lizka, how about, “no. and actually i don’t feel comfortable being asked to do that outside of a relationship.”



  413.  #413Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    So I finally ended up replying with ““I would feel easy. I don’t want to feel like a booty call. I don’t want to share pictures like that with men I am not having a romantic relationship. What do you think?”

    Even thought I’m not convince it was the best message ever…

    He replied with “I don’t wan’t you to feel embarrassed. Sorry”

    …..



  414.  #414Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Something like: “I don’t feel good sending you that kind of picture just now.”



  415.  #415Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    OK, then just leave it at that for now, wait for him to text you back.



  416.  #416Tiffany on February 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Guess who just bought herself the funniest Valentine’s gift? Holla!

    I got myself a cute little plushie sperm and egg set. The sperm has blue eyes and a little blue bow. The egg has pink eyes and a little pink bow. They are so sweet! I can’t wait to place them on my bed, so I can sleep with them next to my pillow every night 🙂

    Tehee! xoxo



  417.  #417Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Ahhhh please someone tell me I did not messed up again!!!!!!

    And what should I answer now that he apologize?

    I just want to shake him and yell “Yo dude don’t you realise you didn’t even kiss me last time and now you want a picture?! Are you insane?!?!”

    How do we translate that into feeling message? lol 🙂



  418.  #418Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Francesca, now that he apologize and said he doesn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable I should leave it like that and wait for another day?

    But I don’t want him to think that I am mad because I AM NOT mad… and if he thinks I’m mad he might not come back…



  419.  #419Starla on February 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Lizka, just stop texting now:)



  420.  #420Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Actually, I decided on my own that this is a new relationship and that I would treat him just like every other CDs… but he doesn’t actually know, lol. Maybe he decided that we would start were we left 6 months ago…?

    So maybe it’s normal for him to ask me that…

    Maybe I should tell him that I want to start from scratch and that I would not do that in the beginning of a relationship…

    That is leaning forward?

    How could I tell him that?



  421.  #421Goodheart on February 7, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    I’m a westsider, T-Girl, but I seem to spend an awful lot of time in the east valley 🙂 Lots to do out that way.



  422.  #422Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Stop? Stop? Yeah?



  423.  #423Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Yes, stop for now. Let him think about what he asked you and the answer you gave him.



  424.  #424April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Are my comments invisible?

    I feel really weird.



  425.  #425Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    If he really cares for you, he will text you again.



  426.  #426Tiffany on February 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Wow – Odila – that sounds pretty scary. Are you serious? Is he serious? Because that might be okay as a playful fantasy (where you are not *actually* locked in a cellar, but as a pretend kind of thing, where you “play-act” as if you are.) But it sounds kind of like there is something real behind that, and of so, then this sounds like a very scary man. It might turn you on – yes. But ultimately, this is NOT what you want in a relationship.

    He sounds like a powerful, controlling, possibly psychopathic person. Do you have a history of trauma or abuse? If so, then that could explain why this turns you on so much. But it’s not a necessary component. Many women feel turned on by that kind of powerful attraction. I have felt it myself, and it is SO magnetic. But I have to remind myself to run away – fast. Because someone who wants to control you CANNOT, and WILL NOT ever love you.

    Anything can happen between consenting adults. It is okay to have fun. But don’t give up your power, and don’t get too side tracked by hormones and desire…

    I hope that helps : )



  427.  #427Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    April Rose, no, your comments are not invisible.

    I would tell him that you feel uncomfortable kissing him, it that’s how you feel in the moment.



  428.  #428Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Yes April Rose. Sorry girl, I was so into my own stuff. I feel selfish… 🙁



  429.  #429Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    I mean you could tell him that, sorry.



  430.  #430Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Yes yes… let him think…

    If he thinks I am mad… is it a good or a bad thing?

    Our “relationship” is so new… and so weak. I’m not sure he 100 % cares now…



  431.  #431Practicing girl on February 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    ooof, glad to get all that off my chest – sometimes I wish that I was less serious about myself (love my seriousness).

    After dizzy Cd had emailed me about 5 days ago, I sort of tried to put him to the back of my mind (horse?!), let go a lot and had a lovely week. A bit of a wobble in the week, where he put up a crechendo of statements on facebook, talking about the music we- had-been-listening-to and other things – It felt like he was sending me personal messages….I resisted the temptation to like or comment as whether they were intended for me or not, I had no way of knowing (his business and imaginary relationship allert!)
    On Friday eve I got message from another CD [10 years too old or is he CD] saying he had been busy but had areally nice time the other week and would I like to go out again? I replied within the half hour and mirrored him saying similar and yes I would like to it would feel nice to see him again. Feeling open to seeing him, it was fun…nice guy – trying to work out why Im feeling he is too old for me right now. He text back to say that he is back in town in two weeks! Well good that he is trying to book me already, although I will wait for him to contact me to confirm a date.

    Then dizzy CD texts right after with a sort of cute ‘hello stranger’ text and asks how I am. Honestly I had not expected to hear from him as he had been posting on FB about going to a great party and had loads of comments etc. Frustratingly he did not ask to see me, so I spend the whole convo (over two hours) expressing and replying, felt flirty but not sexual, nice. He eventually says ‘so are you going out tonight’? I said that I was now as my friend had come to my house for some food and we were going for a drink later! He said have lovely time. Very confusing but I felt good about not leaning forward and doing his job for him by asking him what he was doing – especially as he did not step up and ask to see me.
    Fast forward to Saturday night, the snow had come down – realy exciting for London where we get very little. Gone to bed excited about the snow – get a phone call from dizzy CD around midnight) think he bit drunk, saying he outside in the park (about 5 mins away) and did I want to come and play. Thought booty call alert, at the late hour but felt spontaneous and said yes – as we were going to be outside. He pick me up, had amazing time, lots of snow fights etc made huge snowman with other crazy Londoner’s. When I got a bit cold, I said I feel a bit cold and he wraps his arms around me and invites me to his house for warm drink – I say no thanks. He says please come and why and I took a huge breath and said quietly (we had stopped walking at this point) ‘well I feel a bit hesitant to’ he asks why ; I said because the last time we went out I felt a bit unimportant while you were feeling tired and buying wine to go out and celebrate your new job elsewhere’ (with another girl). He then starts saying about how much he likes to spend time with me as a friend!!!! I say oh and take another deep breath and say ‘ but I dont want to be your ‘friend’- this doesn’t feel like friends to me (and it would feel bad to spend more time with you as a friend when It feel more like a date to me. I dont wish to persue male friendships at the monent (he knows I am circular dating -told him the last time). I said look I has better go as I felt tired. He got a bit humphy at this point and said ‘why cant i have any female friends’ but then looked a bit sad and said so not even for coffee – I said no thanks it would not feel good if it was not a date at thia time. Then he says so what if out ‘mutual friend’ is here – what happens then – I said ‘I dont know, what do you think we should do? I thanked him and went home.

    I feel good and proud to have said that to him – I know it would feel bad to see him as a friend – dont want to feel like second best – and am amazed at how strong I am feeling. I am trying so hard to have no expectations about the outcome to this. He step up, or he no step up, there is no innbetween, nothing imaginary. Grateful for the other CD’s. Thank you me.



  432.  #432Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    I don’t feel warm not answering. Last time I did something like that with LaughingCD he never called me after.

    And my message probably sounded pretty cold too…



  433.  #433April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Francesca, he will ask why.
    I never know what to say when I express a feeling message and the man asks why.
    Today I said “I feel all soft” He asked why. I said I don’t know, I just feel soft. He asked if it felt good and I said yes. I think the men I choose are always on the defensive in case they perceive any kind of criticism of them in what I’m saying. It’s as if they are expecting to be criticised.



  434.  #434Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Lizka, I don’t think he feels your mad. Guys don’t think the same way we do.

    And anyway, your message doesn’t sound mad to me. You stated your boundary clearly.



  435.  #435Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Ahhh now I’m gonna go back to my worry mood of the last weeks.

    Why oh why did he did that!?!? lol Starla



  436.  #436Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    April Rose, this is the time for you to dig deep into yourself and try and find why you feel panicky when he tries to kiss you.

    Try and define the exact feeling.



  437.  #437Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Francesca –

    Yeah you’re probably right. But I’m afraid he’s gonna think I want something super serious RIGHT NOW (because I said “romantic relationship”). And I know he’s not ready for that yet. And it’s ok. I don’t want to push him. But didn’t my message sounded pushy?



  438.  #438Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Lizka, try not to let this bother your mood so much.

    Read, paint your nails, exfoliate your skin, whatever. Just keep busy, girl! 🙂



  439.  #439Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Lizka, YES! Please stop textng 🙂



  440.  #440April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Lizka, I may forgive you. Actually, I do forgive you. But only if you give me some advice 🙂



  441.  #441kayla on February 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Hello sirens.. Today feels weird for me, do you ever get those weird vibes from the way everything around you feels? Like you’re in a weird place kind of? I’m not sure if you will understand what I mean by this.. But it just feels… weird. Last night a man was messaging me on fb we will call him H and he asked me if I had a number I replied with yup 🙂 I didn’t want to give him my number when he didn’t ask for it, he just asked if I had one.. Dylan has not tried getting ahold of me since yesterday morning… This makes me feel sort of sad.. But at the same time, I feel like he is thinking about me.. Today L didn’t really lean forward very much like he was yesterday.. This morning he started walking up to me to give me a hug, and when I leaned forward, he pulled away like he was just kidding.. This made me feel embarassed. Everyday one of his best friends asks me hey are you going to come hang out with me and L, this weekend? Right in front of him.. And I feel embarassed about this but I always say something



  442.  #442Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    I want to say something. I don’t feel natural not texting back…

    But before I would have text back to make him feel better… and it apparently never worked… so I guess I should not text…



  443.  #443Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Lizka,

    I think he accepted your reason and understood you just fine. Please don’t judge this ‘no kiss’ situation too much, you don’t know really. Just relax and lean back!



  444.  #444Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    No, Lizka, I just re-read your message and it doesn’t sound pushy at all.

    You stated what you were feeling at the moment, that’s all.

    Think about how you would’ve felt had you actually sent him the pictures :/



  445.  #445April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Francesca, I felt the panic when I saw my man’s face in my mind, and I judged myself as a traitor.

    The feeling was fear and also I felt turned off. Such a strange new face coming so close up to my face. Then he gave me a hug, which I really enjoyed. But the kiss, no.



  446.  #446Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Lizka,

    Yes, I often don’t text back. But sometimes when I feel too anxious I just don’t see the line where to stop.. I remember you helped me with that last time, you were the one who told me to stop texting SmartCD when he was SickCD lol. So you see/feel it for other people’s stories, but not always for your own. Like the rest of us!



  447.  #447kayla on February 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    like, well I would like to go if he asks me to. . Or he will always tease L and say something like so are you gonna take your girl with you this weekend? And then points to me.. L hasn’t asked me out on a date yet, and I feel curious why.. Hmmm I feel not as confident, but as each day goes along it is getting better and better, I am learning to see and feel my feelings no matter what they are, and take each one as an opportunity to pamper and love myself.. Tell me about your days (: anything exciting happening?



  448.  #448Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    April Rose –

    Oh my this one is hard for me because I feel the same exact way… When I was kissing DjCD last Friday, I got a text from ATW and I saw it because my phone was right there even if I tried not looking at it. My vibe totally changed…

    Why don’t you try channeling your thoughts when you caught thinking of the other guy when you kiss one? Like you see the first’s one face when you kiss the second, so you immediately think of something else, something you like… don’t know, a Christmas dress, a pair of Jimmy Choo pumps (so me!), your cute dog (ok maybe not the best while kissing), a romantic movie…

    It could work…. I think I’ll try it myself…



  449.  #449Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Lizka,

    He tried to push your boundaries.. so what? They all do 🙂



  450.  #450Tiffany on February 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Silver-Tongued Siren –

    I believe it was me who was talking about my CD finding my “Why Men <3 B*s" book. I love that book!!

    I don't care what her personal history is, I think she gives great advice – because it's based more on research than on her experience. Actually, I don't think she talks about her experience much, if at all. Mostly, she gives anecdotes from other women's dating experiences. Plus the guys' – awesome!

    The trouble is, it's hard to explain to someone in a nutshell why "B*tch" is not a pejorative term, in the context of that book. K found it and thought it was amusing. And that's okay. I let him look at it for a minute. But without being able to properly explain it, I felt it made me look "desperate" to have a book like that laying around. And maybe that's just my own insecurity.

    He was then also teasing me about wanting to be a "b*tch" and I felt it was more in the context of what most people think of as a "b*tch" – which is a b*tchy, unpleasant woman. And that's not what I want AT ALL. I kind of went along with it, and joked about it, too. But it made me feel a little uncomfortable, because I really don't want him to see me that way – as a cold, unlovable woman.

    I want him to see me as the soft, warm, loving, lovable siren that I am. I didn't think of it until later, but I could have showed him all the other books I have around that I find inspiration from – books like "Receiving love" and "The Five Love Languages."

    I think we are both interested in self-improvement and learning how to be better partners. I would like to do that *with* a partner, so I can have more of a "playground" to practice on. But until then, I'm just practicing on my own, and with other CDs.

    And, even though I sent K a big, juicy, feeling-filled message on Sunday, I think I am also going to practice treating him as a "friend" – since that's what he said he wanted, and that's how he's treating me now. Even though he was showing up and talking like he was interested in more than that last time he saw me. He doesn't get to have it both ways. He can't have his cake and eat it, too. He's either my friend, or he isn't. But he doesn't get to call me his friend, and then tell me how he's so devoted to dating me and pleasing me and calling me "sweetie" and "darling."

    I'm not leaning forward right now. But I think this is a good place to set a boundary. I don't want to be his "friend with benefits" – even if the "benefits" don't include sex. He doesn't get girlfriend/boyfriend treatment until he signs up for that.

    Which is why I'm still currently dating. Go me!



  451.  #451Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    April Rose, I know how you feel. I just tried imagining myself in that situation and hey, I would feel scared too.

    It’s a tricky situation…but didn’t you say he doesn’t want to be a relationship now?



  452.  #452Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Thank you Memulo. Your comments really help me.

    I think I won’t call..

    Ok got to channel my own thoughts now!!!!!

    Sooooooooooooooooo……..

    While all this was happening, a new CD asked me out!!!

    Yay! That gives me 4 CDs now! Wooow! I’m on fireeeee!!!



  453.  #453Odila on February 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Tiffany thank you for your advice. I am so happy to have this caring response from someone I have never met. I feel my heart swelling with honey and love for your kindness.
    This man, I do not yet know if he is controlling. I have not slept with him and he knows I want to take things slow. It is a fascination I have with his eyes. Like I can read the history of the world in them, there is so much power and at the other end of the spectrum there is softness and kindness. I really like the sexy power look and in fact I feel a bit bored when he becomes ordinary. It is funny he should command so much presence of power because he is a small and unassuming man, living in the countryside, looking after the birds that come to his garden.
    I think it is my wild imagination that plays with these fantasies. I look at him and think all these secret thoughts and get turned on like mad. Maybe I am being unfair to him?



  454.  #454Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    So this new CD is actually a guy an old CD (another one!!) I met when I was working as a bartender in a club downtown.

    We dated once or twice and only kissed. Nothing more. So nothing really serious. I think he was interested in me because he often tried to have dates with me and either I said no or I went but didn’t let him have me…

    And he just invited me for drinks. la la la!!

    And he’s pretty cute, he is french and has so much to say. He is super intelligent and very attentive and he’s a lawyer and well… he’s rich…



  455.  #455Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    I replied to SmartCD just now.. to his 1am text. And said that I wanted ticket money back.. still feeling a bit shaky about this. It’s not the money, it’s the energy. I would have replied earlier, but had such an exhausting day, almost felt like crying.

    Tonight start his 24 hours with his son and every time there’s some kind of a terrible surprise from his ex. He didn’t respond right away, which is unlike him, unless he is busy with the boy or feeling awful.. hope not the latter.

    I hope it’s not my money request that makes him not respond??



  456.  #456Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Ahh I feel worry… I’m so afraid to loose his affection. He contacted me 5 days in a row… It such a big victory for me. I don’t want to give up on that…



  457.  #457April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Thanks Lizka,
    It’s difficult isn’t it? Because not only do they have such different faces, they smell so different too!



  458.  #458Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Memulo – you replied to his text JUST NOW, you said it! Relaaaaaaaxe

    lol, you took hours and hours to respond to his text!!



  459.  #459Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Haha April Rose

    for me it’s not about their smile or face, it’s more about the movement, the way they kiss..

    And also I feel guilty I think…



  460.  #460Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Ok I’m going crazy. I think I’ll text him just “I’m not feeling uncomfortable. Hope you understand”

    “Hope you understand” is leaning forward?

    Maybe I could just write “Oh I’m feeling comfortable, don’t worry” like comfortable about saying no… ?



  461.  #461Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Or I could just send a smiley?

    I’ll go smoke and think of it…



  462.  #462April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Francesca, he hasn’t said anything at all about a relationship but I think he assumes he is in one already! Is that called an imaginary relationship?
    I felt weird when offered to buy me a winter coat because he thinks mine isn’t warm enough.



  463.  #463Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Lizka,

    I wish your phone got discharged 😉



  464.  #464Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Lizka, lean back with AWT now.

    You have other dates and he’s just another CD, right?



  465.  #465Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Lizka,

    From the side it is perfectly clear that what happened is that you expressed your boundaries (nicely) and he responded with respect and understanding AND an apology because HE made you feel uncomfortable with his request out of the blue..

    He will like you more, not less for this!



  466.  #466Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Ooops, ATW, not AWT, sorry.



  467.  #467Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    My guy texted back 😉 Thank you Lizka for making fun of me a little.



  468.  #468Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    April Rose, sorry, I thought I had read that he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet.

    Yes, it sounds like he’s having an imaginary relationship! I thought only girls did that! lol!

    Sorry, I must’ve missed that part of your story, but are you CDing?



  469.  #469April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    This man I am dating said to me “I hope you’re not leading me down the garden path”.
    This feeds into my fear of hurting men. And thinking I owe them something.

    I want to say to this man (because I am feeling guilty)
    “I’m feeling awkward and guilty. But I don’t owe a man anything just because he has been good to me. I will owe a man something only when I agree to the commitment he is asking of me”.

    Please help me tweak this speech.



  470.  #470kayla on February 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    I feel ignored :/ nobody has been responding to my comments lately..



  471.  #471Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Francesca

    “he’s just another CD, right?”

    Memulo

    “He will like you more, not less for this!”

    You both just found the best two arguments for me now!!! THANK YOU!

    Leaning back…



  472.  #472Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Gosh, I’m giving so many advices tonight and yet I’m only a new siren myself.

    Maybe I’m learning faster now that I feel more comfortable in my own relationship.

    Feels kind of empowering.



  473.  #473Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Memulo –

    Sorry I did not want to make fun of you. Or I did, but in a cute mothering way 🙂



  474.  #474Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Francesca –

    You see!!! The other day you said you were not feeling like belonging here…

    But you totally do!!

    I felt the same way when I started giving advices here. Before that day, I just felt so uncomfortable doing so, and all of a sudden, I was helping everyone!

    Good feeling hey?



  475.  #475April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Francesca, Lizka,
    I’ve been living with a man, WM, for 3 years and recently started dating another man, EM. I let WM know I was going to do this (keep my options open), not because I wanted him to get jealous or even step up, but because I was feeling dull and turned off with his taking me for granted and making very little effort in the relationship. I really enjoy this new man’s company. I wish I could extend myself to dating more men before I get stuck in the trap of ‘torn between two lovers’.



  476.  #476Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    ((((((Kayla))))))

    Lol I’m sorry girl, once again, so much into my own stuff…

    I’ll go brush me teeth and wash my face and try to help you in a few minutes. xoxo



  477.  #477Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Kayla

    “This morning he started walking up to me to give me a hug, and when I leaned forward, he pulled away like he was just kidding..”

    Reading this made me feel bad for you. 🙁



  478.  #478April Rose on February 7, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Kayla, I know the feeling.
    Just keep on and someone will reply soon enough.
    Can you give me any advice about what to say when a man tries to kiss me and I don’t want him to?



  479.  #479Turquoise on February 7, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Lizka,

    Try not to worry. You set your boundry, and if he’s concerned about it… he’ll ask you. He mad admire you, and see that you really have changed. If he poofs, because you didn’t send a naughty picture… then he’s not worth it.

    If he asks, you could say you feel confused, as he didn’t kiss you, taking it slow feels good.

    If you sent the pics, and then he cae over for dinner and you slept with him, and then didn’t hear from him, you’d feel terrible. Boundaries are good, keep us safe.

    I dated a guy once and we sent pics, talked about fantasies, etc. A few years later he popped back into my life, but didn’t seem to want to meet in person, just kept pushing me for pics, constantly texting me inappropriate stuff. I ended up blocking him from my phone because he wouldn’t respect my boundaries that I stated over and over again. It made me feel dirty, and I’ve never sent another pic like that again.

    Trust your instincts!



  480.  #480Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Lizka

    #469: no worries, really 😉 It helped me relax.



  481.  #481Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    April Rose, thanks, now I can remember reading your story here.

    I feel it’s legit to feel guilty about CDing – I’ve never had to do it but I can imagine – especially in your situation.

    Would it be possible for you to remember how you felt when you first decided to start CDing? Did you feel that same fear or was there other feelings at play?



  482.  #482Memulo on February 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    April Rose,

    I like your speech.. don’t see the need to tweak it.



  483.  #483Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    And more importantly, how do you feel towards the guy you don’t want to kiss?



  484.  #484Francesca on February 7, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    Thanks, Lizka!

    I only wish I could remember everybody’s story and not have to ask questions they probably answered already! ;p



  485.  #485Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Kayla

    I never saw you here. Are you a new siren? 🙂



  486.  #486Starla on February 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    hi $iren$, wi$h i could pl@y on the i$l@nd tonight but two of my key$ @rent’ working tonight. C@n you gue$$ which one$? 😛 I’ll come b@ck if they $t@rt working.

    Lizk@,
    girl, keep le@ning b@ck. you’re doing gre@t!



  487.  #487Lizka on February 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Thank you Turquoise!

    “If he poofs, because you didn’t send a naughty picture… then he’s not worth it.”

    I feel sooo afraid of this… I was so happy that he contacted me every day since Friday and invited me for brunch and even talked about another date… I so don’t want him to poof… 🙁

    “If he asks, you could say you feel confused, as he didn’t kiss you, taking it slow feels good.”

    Oh this is so good! Do you think I can send it to him right now as an answer to his apologize?

    “Trust your instincts!”

    Oh I do. Not one second I wanted to send him a picture. I had issues with pictures like that in the past too… I’m only being worry about answering or not to his apologize… it feels cold for me not to answer…