The WaterWheel Of Love Has To Turn Toward YOU

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With my husband Jeffrey at Stonehenge in England – we look happy & connected in this photo.

But, truly, you can’t tell from the “image” what’s going on.

Could we have just been arguing?

Could we actually be emotionally distant and disconnected?

Or are we “on the same page” and feeling SAFE with each other?

Just like it’s hard to tell from a photo – are you drawn into “Imaginary Relationships” where you’re only looking at the “image”?

I look at this picture and feel happy.

I feel safe. I feel loved.

But I don’t always feel this way!

There are parts of me that feel angry and frightened about the requirements of trusting I’m loved.

Intimacy goes against almost all of our natural instincts to protect ourselves.

Where do you feel that you can surrender to love, and where are you resisting love?

How hard is it to imagine that you’re loved – and that love is always coming toward you – when you don’t see any evidence of it?

This water wheel –  this photo is in Sedona on a walk with my husband to a “vortex” – represents my “Waterwheel Tool.”

Here, you imagine that love (the water) is being carried by this big heavy wheel toward you, dropping love all over you, and then turning back and dripping what’s left all over the man.

Love and relationship are moment by moment things, and yet we can create them as a lifelong partnership with a man.

It’s sort of an “unknown path.”

If you don’t know what’s coming up, how can you trust what’s coming up?

And yet, it’s our need to “know” that wrecks our experience of the moment.

So how do you keep your dreams of the future alive, and still experience the total package of every moment?

(By the way, my husband Jeffrey Mark Levine is an executive business coach, and I’m in the process of convincing him to take some private clients, and even coach you around relationship (he’s written some books on the subject…) if you like.  Just visit one of his websites: and let him know you’d like to talk with him.)

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1VW on November 14, 2011 at 6:58 am

    Top of the world 🙂 I am manifesting it! 🙂

  2.  #2Sassy on November 14, 2011 at 7:01 am

    I love the waterwheel tool – whenever I think about how I feel in the presence of a man. Is the water coming towards me or do I shovle the water towards him – whenever I realize that, it’s easier to just STOP and absolutly feel better then…

  3.  #3VW on November 14, 2011 at 7:03 am

    Beautiful said Rori 🙂 i feel inspired to write down my reflections during the day at work…:) i go to my “la la” land …:)

    thank u …

    warm hugs,

  4.  #4Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 7:36 am

    such a cute pic 🙂

  5.  #5April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Dear Rori, Sirens, Writers, Readers, Women Everywhere

    I have been reading Rori’s newsletter, blog, and many of these postings for six months now. Hoping to pick up all the tips and tools I needed, for free! I feel guilty admitting it. But it’s true. I felt resentful about the monetary cost of Rori’s programmes. It felt scary to consider paying that much money for ‘information’. I felt annoyed with myself for being so hooked on the promise of becoming more powerful in my relationships and more attractive to men. Yes, I wanted that. Yet I felt angry for having to pay so much to find the answers. Rori’s blog and newsletters and your postings here inspired me. I felt excited reading them. I wanted more…

    Then one month ago I finally bought the e-book. It was at the time of the special offer – Modern Siren and Reconnect your Relationship on sale together as a package with a reduced price. I contemplated the programmes and drove myself silly with ‘almost’ buying them right up until the last day of the offer. Finally, I ‘settled’ on the e-book. I felt daring and excited to be gifting myself with such an extravagant purchase. (I’m such a bargain hunter I seldom pay more than a few dollars for anything. Been living on a tight budget for years)

    I loved the book! I read the whole thing and went to bed full with it. The next morning I woke up and immediately looked for the link to the Siren/Reconnect special offer. It was still there! I clicked on five ‘easy’ payments, filled out my bank details, and submitted. Aaaaaaaagh! I did it! I made the most extravagant purchase FOR MYSELF. Jeeeeezzz!!! Exciting! Ha haaa. Oh. Did I just do that? Yeeesssss. Hee heee. Big feeling of lightness in my heart. Joy. Expanding heart…

    The huge gift is – I have rediscovered the flow and ease of my feminine self. I feel passion and compassion for my feminine, feeling nature. I want to honour her. I feel like she has been so patient, waiting in the wings for most of my life, watching me capably coping with life (in my ‘boy’ energy).

    I feel an immense relief.
    To give myself permission to be a girl. And enjoy it!!!
    Feels like a whole new world is opening up, and I am opening up to the World 🙂

  6.  #6elle_emm on November 14, 2011 at 7:58 am

    aw! this is great.

  7.  #7Mel on November 14, 2011 at 8:12 am

    A re-post… I put this on the other thread before I noticed there was a new one…


    A little something for me to heal… perhaps you ladies can help me out with this or help me re-frame.

    So how it works with Architect is that he has his children every other week. During his “off” weeks we see each other a lot. When he has the kids, we rarely see each other. So during his weeks with the kids, I have mostly been doing “me” things, or even CDing a little. This is working out okay.

    I’ve started to notice a little NV whispering lately… wondering when he will introduce me to his kids. Wondering if it HAS to be this way, with us having a one week on, one week off relationship. Wondering why he’s not doing anything about it. Hoping that this is not imaginary.

    Now, the logical part of me understands completely that you don’t introduce just anyone to your kids. That you want to make pretty darn sure that things are serious enough to warrant it. That protecting them from getting attached unnecessarily would be important. In fact, I’d be worried about a guy that wanted me to jump into his life too quickly.

    I also know that it has to be something he chooses. It has to be his idea. Not mine. It’s not up to me to lead or row the boat on this at all.

    Additionally, I have not told my family about him. I have been holding-off… letting him lead in this regard. There’s no point mentioning him unless he indicates to me that he feels it important to involve families.

    I’m just starting to miss him a little bit when we’re out of touch for a week. I know I just need to stay super focused on ME during our apart times… just feeling a little “wonder-y” today about the family thing. I don’t want to feel hidden forever. But I can be cool about it for a bit more. He will step up… I can feel it. Just wanted to express my impatience today, I guess.

    Hope you sirens are doing well! I feel a little better just having expressed this.

  8.  #8Mel on November 14, 2011 at 8:13 am

    “And yet, it’s our need to “know” that wrecks our experience of the moment. ”

    Love this… can definitely apply to my feelings today! 🙂

  9.  #9MacKenzie on November 14, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Rori’s husband is gorgeous :-). So any thoughts on her question?

    So how do you keep your dreams of the future alive, and still experience the total package of every moment?

  10.  #10MacKenzie on November 14, 2011 at 8:20 am


    I feel like you are too focused on HIM. Even though you say that you are focused on you. If I understand Rori, she would say to follow your feelings and if you aren’t feeling so great about the attention he is giving you (it doesn’t matter WHY he is doing what he is doing…so you don’t need to rationalize for him) then you should be soaking it up from other men as part of your CDing. In the end, you can choose someone who makes you feel really good (after they make you feel that way). It sounds like you have already “chosen” someone who isn’t making you feel as good as you would like. You are going along with HIS program instead of following YOURS (your bridge). Keep your heart open to all men until the right one pops in.

  11.  #11Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Mel it is natural for you to progress there, is my opinion. However, I remember bringing this back to your attention in the past and I am going to do it again here. I remember you suggesting that you don’t want anything serious right now. Are you still sure about that? Is he your boyfriend, for now? If so they why would he introduce his kids? Are you sure you are not wanting more? I have learned that to inspire change in people I have to change first.

  12.  #12Mel on November 14, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Thanks MacKenzie!

    It’s funny, because he gives me tonnes of attention! Even when I don’t see him he emails and texts and stays in touch.

    I know this is all about my stuff. I know what I need to do. Staying focused on self-care and CDing and not expecting anything from anyone but ME. I was just noticing some thoughts creeping into my psyche and writing the previous post was my way of really recognizing and owning them.

    I find I focus on HIM (or a guy) when I’m neglecting myself. Last week, we spent so much time together that I neglected to do some of my own enjoyable things. So this week is going to be all about me. Yoga, dance, working out, cleaning/organizing, maybe painting, CDing (if that works out), stuff for my business…

    I really like this blog because it gives me a great opportunity to self-reflect. And the prompting of you wonderful sirens really facilitates that process!!

  13.  #13Mel on November 14, 2011 at 8:42 am


    When I first started CDing at the beginning of the summer, it was my intention to just have fun and heal. I know that I would like more than that eventually. In my online profile (and I think this is still true) I stated that I wanted to get re-married eventually, but wanted to take my time to find the right person. Of course, I don’t know the future, but I can see potential in Architect, which is why I agreed to take our relationship to a physical level (I don’t sleep with just anyone).

    My post this morning is definitely an indication that my feelings are morphing and changing. Which is a good thing, I think.

    But I still need to take care of myself!

  14.  #14Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Mel I would suggest focussing on your intention. Don’t lose yourself in the relationship and when you find yourself at a place where you want more be honest with yourself and with him. You might need to bring an end to this relationship to create the long term one. Whether with him or someone else.

  15.  #15Ariadne on November 14, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Rori!!!! Great pic of you and your Beloved! Xo Ariadne

  16.  #16Mel on November 14, 2011 at 9:00 am


    But if my intention has changed, why would I focus on the old one? I feel confused.

    Also, this relationship was never started on a “this is just for fun” way, more of a “let’s take things slow and see where they go…” way. I think he and I are both on the same page here. In fact, this makes me realize that there’s no reason to rush the family introductions. That’s just the next “level” we can choose or choose not to reach. Letting things slowly progress, with him leading things is the way to go here.

    Again… I really think today I’m seeing these impatient feelings emerge because I have been neglecting myself. I am really realizing that those feelings of expectation are a great indicator of self neglect. It has always been my past pattern to try to get my needs met through others. I am trying as much as I can to learn to make myself happy.

  17.  #17Starla on November 14, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Awwww how adorable is Rori! Awwwwww!

  18.  #18lk on November 14, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Wow I’m really really practicing getting gifts…. I love to get gifts.

    This man in my office brought me a bookshelf & a matching shelf to put in the corner in my house & princesslk put all her perfume & lipsticks & hair pins out all shiny yes wow that’s fun — today he sent me beautiful pictures of his trip to Venice! WOW my computer will be beautiful with that backdrop.

    Also, I wanted to not sit at my desk & my boss is out of town so I txtd him (even though I was shakingscared) & asked him if I could sit in his office this week – he said YES!! WOW i’m in a nice leather chair at an open, round table in front of windows. that feels really good. i love to feel like this. thank you for asking, because that’s what lets you receive.

    Now i want fruit – i am asking for it now… Yum i love fruit I really want it & am excited to have it.. who will give it to me? YUM i love fruit : ))) yum

  19.  #19Starla on November 14, 2011 at 9:06 am

    CF and I went for a day in a cute mountain town yesterday and we stumbled upon a water wheel at the edge of town. It seemed really fitting.

  20.  #20lk on November 14, 2011 at 9:08 am

    oh one is saying, “king soopers?” I said, “oh yes wow you go? YUM”

  21.  #21lk on November 14, 2011 at 9:09 am

    bad boy lol he wishes me luck on my quest for fruit — I say THANK YOU!!! YES but i do not need luck, i just want to want the fruit & bring it close with my love for it lol —

  22.  #22Starla on November 14, 2011 at 9:10 am

    lk 17
    this is so awesome…i’m almost feeling jealous! hehe

  23.  #23Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Mel when I said focus on the intention I meant the intention as it relates to the kids. It could help you realize whether you are really wanting more from the relationship and help you to reset or rebalance yourself.

  24.  #24Mel on November 14, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Thanks for the clarification FW!

  25.  #25Mochaberri on November 14, 2011 at 9:21 am

    @ FW – 13 – You might need to bring an end to this relationship to create the long term one. Whether with him or someone else.

    Can you expand on this a little more? I feel a bit confused.

    Also, I went to find out what backleading means under Christian Carter’s blog not much inforamtion- I also mentioned in the last thread that I think I may have stumbled across that by accident. Instead of telling my man you should do “xyz” I found it uself to say” just a suggestion but how about “123” is that considered backleading?

  26.  #26Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 9:34 am
    Last week we held our Enlightened Business Summit on the theme of emotional intelligence, which new studies prove to be such a powerful key to success in business and life.

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  27.  #27lk on November 14, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I went & flicked him on the cheek for saying no LOL – i’m very meanmischievous with him haha… My other friend is going to get me an apple later & maybe someone else will bring one too : ) yum i really want to enjoy an apple when it comes : )

  28.  #28Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Mochaberry I still have not yet found the email with the “backleading” concept. I am wondering if it was from another coach but will keep looking.

  29.  #29Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 9:35 am
    Last week we held our Enlightened Business Summit on the theme of emotional intelligence, which new studies prove to be such a powerful key to success in business and life.

    And now we’re excited to announce that our Summit Host Chip Conley is offering a Special Free Teleseminar on HOW to gain emotional mastery in business and life — the key to unlocking great performance from yourself and those you work with, as well as creating a thriving and fulfilled life.

    Join Chip TOMORROW, November 15th, at 1:00pm Pacific / 4:00pm Eastern on the topic of Becoming Your Own CEO (Chief Emotions Officer) to Create Greater Success and Happiness in Business and Life.

  30.  #30Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Become Your Own Chief Emotions Officer

    After two dozen years as CEO, Chip has come to realize we are all “Chief Emotions Officers” – whether it’s in the context of running your own business or how you show up in your network and spheres of influence – you become the “emotional thermostat” for everyone around you.

    Your emotional mastery is the key to unlocking great performance from yourself and those you work with, as well as creating a thriving business and fulfilled life

  31.  #31lk on November 14, 2011 at 9:38 am

    lol @Starla i’m feeling so giggly at txtng my boss wow i bet he was surprised to get that question haha —

    also, i bet my exCD was surprised & tummyache a little to get my question for fruit – but that’s ok – we playfight playroughhouse like kids : ) i’m tough – i pretend to be a boy & he pretends to be a girl – wow i really enjoy that tension : )

  32.  #32Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Mochaberry I have come to accept that sometimes we create relationships unconsciously. For instance before I found this site I am not sure what my intentions were when entering into relationships. I was on autopilot just reacting to external stimuli. Now I check in with myself. I believe now that sometimes to create what we really want we have to end what we are in because as we grow internally we meet different parts of ourselves that require different things. For instance if a relationship was started as a means just to have fun or a fling, when a person gets to a place where they want more I believe in being honest with the other person to let them know I enjoyed what we had while it lasted but now I want more I want the happy ever after or the whateverIamwanting and that he might not be the one to give it to me or wanting to give it to me so I am keeping my options open with that in mind. If he wants to offer it I will consider accepting but he might very well not want to and I have to take 100% responsibility for giving myself what I want.

  33.  #33Mochaberri on November 14, 2011 at 9:55 am

    @ FW – 27 – Through my research this morning it apears to be a concept that belongs to Christian Carter. From what I was able to locate he jsut mentions this about backleading:

    Here’s what to do… I have an amazing friend who’s a ballroom dancer. She’s INCREDIBLE.

    One day we were sitting around and she told me about how it’s important in dancing to have the roles where one LEADS, and the other dancer FOLLOWS. This is, of course, one of the oldest and simplest human behavior patterns around.

    Anyways… here’s how it related to you and men and dating.

    My friend, the dancer, shared with me what she would do when her male dance partner was supposed to LEAD, but wasn’t doing a great job of it. Instead of CRITICIZING him, or taking the LEAD herself (which wouldn’t work out well or get her what she ultimately wanted)… she would do what she called “BACKLEADING“.

    This is where she is able to subtly direct a man to lead and do the things he needs to be doing… but she would do it in a way where she didn’t take the lead herself. She was able to CREATE THE SPACE and the opportunity for the man to lead… without having to take the lead herself.

    As a result, she got to enjoy the process of following his lead in the direction she had wanted things to go in the first place. (Nice!) And all along, the man is a better dance partner AND MORE SATISFIED and ENGAGED in the process because he still felt like he is the one making things happen on HIS TERMS.


    Now, I’m sure you’re already picking up on where this is going when it comes to men and dating… If you can learn this amazing and subtle skill called BACKLEADING with men in when it comes to dating… and you can help a man take the lead in bringing you and your relationship closer from the very beginning… then the “dating process” and the relationship you create is going to be fun and easy.

    On the other hand, if you keep on trying to take the lead for a man and tell him where you want to go… then he’s naturally going to start RESISTING you and not enjoy the process. He’ll feel “pressured” by you and he won’t want to follow your lead – because he won’t feel like it’s what HE WANTS, or his idea.

    In life, it can make things a whole lot easier if you can find ways to work WITH the “energy” and the people around you… Instead of constantly going AGAINST the grain and trying to get everyone to do and see things YOUR WAY.

  34.  #34Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Luzydel I feel your pain however I would encourage you to revisit “NEVER OPEN MY HEART AGAIN!!!!”. I believe he is going through his own emotional process and will need to feel your open heart if he decides to return.

  35.  #35Mochaberri on November 14, 2011 at 10:00 am

    @FW – I hope that I’m not being a pest – I just love this blog and the insightful information that it shared!!!

  36.  #36Jilly on November 14, 2011 at 10:04 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!! love the picture…feels good to see Rori with her sweetheart 🙂

    received a message from familyman/golfpro…

    “thought about you today, hope you have a great week”



    so I responded “I like that…I feel curious 🙂 hope you have a great week too”

    no more cutting them off.. I can unzipper my heart…they are free…I am free

  37.  #37lk on November 14, 2011 at 10:06 am

    QTcd left me alone last night after i kept leaning so far back – i was actually backing away because i didn’t want the gifts he was talking about, even though he was kidding….

    But he knows what to do!!! Good boy because I had a firm boundary that he must txt me plans before noon – he didn’t txt plans, but he txtd me goodmorning first thing this morning, though i didn’t respond… & i had been thinking – if I don’t get plans by noon, i’ll not go at all… because i didn’t want to get anywhere close to the end of the day & not know if i should go straight up to Boulder or wait a bit or go home first….. But now i’m in such a mood, i want to leave work early anyway & go up to Boulder to take a walk alone & find a coffee shop & buy myself a present!!!! YES or maybe i will meet a college boy who wants to buy me a gift! yes! i do want special treasures sometimes…. paper….i’d love a notebook…. i want a new computer, a new phone…. i want a trip somewhere to the oceanfog

  38.  #38Jilly on November 14, 2011 at 10:06 am

    …and to remember that the water wheel of love is always pointing towards me and filling me up..

    I feel the relief and the letting go when I visualize this…it feels so good 🙂

  39.  #39Lilybelly on November 14, 2011 at 10:08 am



    You are doing just fine with Architect. As your thought process regarding children, is spot on, at least for my experience. I have only introduced #1 Guy to one man in the time that I have been divorced and that was a brief get together. And the reason is for what you say above… Kids getting attached to another before I knew if it was good, was not something I wanted to put my son through.

    You are right, spend some time focusing on you and just be. One day at a time is all you need.

    And just continue to enjoy.

  40.  #40Mel on November 14, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Re: 31

    So… if it gets to the point that I feel like I don’t want to be “hidden” any more and that I want something more serious, and things are “stalled” I just need to say so?

    This makes sense to me. In fact, it worked out well with the sex thing. I stated what I wanted (no sex without exclusivity) and I had no attachment to the outcome (ie. willing to move on if he couldn’t offer this) and he chose to step up.

    I don’t think I’m at the point where the kids/family thing is a deal-breaker. I do know that I wouldn’t feel good about this arrangement going on forever. I’m just going to continue to feel my way through and see what transpires. I have a feeling he will step-up (again) soon enough! 🙂

  41.  #41lk on November 14, 2011 at 10:16 am

    This morning i was driving in the car & i thought of CDcd & wow I wanted to kiss him! That is great & interesting…. I’m curious about that feeling…. Then I imagined calling him in the sun at lunchtime & being really sad & missing him because he lives on a mountain… Hmmmm that is interesting that I’m imagining missing him… I do want to be with someone who I would miss if I could only call them on the phone from far away. that kind of love feels good to think about.

  42.  #42Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Not at all Mochaberry. That was the article I had in mind when I mentioned it earlier. I also believe it is part of the work here just that it is not called by the same name.

    Today a friend was rasing his voice at me so I calmly told him I don’t want to be spoken to that way, I was relaxed and smiling when I said it. I was surprised by his response. He got up laughing and gave me a full bodied hug saying he just loves me and that he could live with me. He said talk like that is humbling and causes a man to pull back from his attack and just respect you. He admitted that sometimes he finds himself raising his voice and getting into arguments with people and not even knowing what he is doing. He says afterwards he will ask himself what he was thinking or why he was doing that but cannot come up with a rational answer. But interacting in the way I did with him stopped him in his tracks and brought him awarness and he just loves it.

  43.  #43Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 10:18 am

    from prev post:
    Any ideas for a feeling message for Ocean CD who asked me out on email then never followed up?
    We’ve been texting, so I find it a bit odd…that he has not said anything..and I feel annoyed and a lil angry

  44.  #44lk on November 14, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Now i’m imagining that i’m like water & men are like the land —- wow that lusty pull when the wave rips back from the beach & sucks on itself, tumbling under & clouding the shallows with bits of broken shell

    it sounds very violent – now i’m seeing the walls of a vortex – like the poe story – feeling scared & like i will drown – beautiful – i know that is part of the water’s breathing movement

  45.  #45Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 10:20 am

    RE 40 Yes Mel that is what I have learned. You have described it in a way that I have seen CCarter suggests. Also on the last thread someone, maybe Mochaberry posted for me Rori’s email about what to do when he is stalling. The advice was very similar.

  46.  #46Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 10:20 am

    RE 40 Yes Mel that is what I have learned. You have described it in a way that I have seen CCarter suggests. Also on the last thread someone, maybe Mochaberry posted for me Rori’s email about what to do when he is stalling. The advice was very similar.

  47.  #47Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 10:21 am

    Emerson did you see my response?

  48.  #48Mel on November 14, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Thanks FW! 🙂 And also a giant hug and thanks to Lilybelly!

  49.  #49Lilybelly on November 14, 2011 at 10:22 am


    Em~ I would cut him lose. If he hasn’t stepped up yet, I’d let him go and move on.

    You can tell him that you aren’t interested in text relationships and feel happiest when a man shows he wants to spend time with you in person, not via text…or however you want to put your twist on it. 😉

    I don’t do text “relationships”…ever… I can’t properly get to know someone via text and I don’t want to get to know someone that way. Email is the same for me, because it can set up the “he’s amazing blah blah blah,” imaginary relationship thoughts.

  50.  #50Mel on November 14, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Hrmmmm…. was just reading in “The List” how guys who bring you into their “circle” right away are less likely to ask for marriage.

    Suck on that NVs! 😉

  51.  #51Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Dear Ramada,

    Thanks for reaching out to us and for your insight. Many people (men and women) equate love with sacrifice; you are not alone. We really like this idea you’ve shared of looking at ways to have FUN with Love.

    A great way to stay out of resentment and sacrifice in relationship is to fill your “cup” first, not just to full – to overflowing. Now you can be of service from the OVERFLOW. When you put your needs first you can freely give to anyone you choose to (and choice is the key).

    Another thing to consider is that in a long-term relationship there will inevitably be challenges that come up. It doesn’t sound like you are looking to just have “fun” in the sense that when the going gets tough, that you would desire to disappear … to have a regular practice of self-care whether or not you are in relationship will lay a new foundation for how you behave in relationship.

    Become clear on what it feels like when you sacrifice. Check in with your body. Does your stomach get butterflies, maybe your throat tightens or you feel a weight on your chest. Being able to recognize what it feels like will be your guidepost in future relationships. When you feel that feeling, make a new choice. Choose to value yourself!

    Being clear on what you need so you can ask for it, and not falling into sacrifice is a new way of being for you so it will take practice. The love you seek is not out in the world, it is inside of you – by creating a new relationship with yourself, one that is based in love and self-acceptance, you will not be tempted to abandon yourself in relationship because you know that the love you seek will never be taken away.

    Love and Abundance,
    Orna and Matthew

  52.  #52April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 10:49 am

    “So how do you keep your dreams of the future alive, and still experience the total package of every moment?”

    I worry that my dreams of the future are ‘carrots’ dangling in front of me, always in front, just out of reach.

    I feel scared about becoming big enough and powerful enough to have my heart’s desire.
    But this fear feels like a hiccup. I glimpsed a new ‘normal’ state of being, for a WHOLE WEEK after I first listened to and practiced the tools in Reconnect. It was actually a shock to experience nothing but ease, flow, and harmony in myself, for days on end.

    Now I’m back to my old normal 🙁
    But I know that I can listen to Reconnect again, and reconnect with my own joy again. When I feel connected to myself, each moment feels so fluid and natural. There is no thinking. I am simply being. And that truly spills over in the moment to the man I’m with. It almost felt ‘too easy’!! 🙂

    But, as I say, I lost it. Gonna see if I can pick it up again.

  53.  #53Lilybelly on November 14, 2011 at 10:51 am


    Exactly, Mel. LOVE the List.

    If he isn’t introducing you to his friends right away, that’s a GOOD thing.

  54.  #54Mel on November 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

    I also wanted to share an interesting experience with you ladies about my weekend. I want to write about it because it is, to me, another indication of just how nicely things are going, which helps me to put NVs in their place.

    So on Friday, before we were scheduled to get together, Architect hurt his knee badly playing sports. He still wanted to see me, but asked if I wouldn’t mind a quiet evening “in” instead. I agreed.

    The next morning his condition was quite a bit worse. He took me for breakfast but then said he was considering going to the hospital. I asked if he wanted company and he was really happy that I offered. We spent the day in emergency chatting, laughing, playing cards, and holding hands. I’m a “chatter” and so we had some great conversations with other patients waiting in emergency. One lady asked us how long we had been together. I said “not long… a couple months.” She said she was admiring how we “were” together. She said we seemed like a couple “kids,” so playful and easy. “don’t ever lose that!”

    Later in the day, I was teaching him some Spanish (his request) and when I went to get some water, a lady beside us taught him to say something else. When I sat back down again, he said “te adoro” in my ear. Not sure if he knew what that means though!

    He was there waiting until 10:30 at night. When we left, he said it was an unconventional date but that even though he was in horrible pain, he had a great day. We tend to have very strange dates…

    Anyway, just wanted to share because I had a really great day too. Who knew 10 hours in the emergency room could be so fun!?

  55.  #55lk on November 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

    @April Rose 51

    wow yes i’m scared to lose my easybabyfreeflow feelings too

  56.  #56Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Carol Allen

    The more you know how to harness your body’s Heart Intelligence, the more peaceful, happy, and grateful you are.And this makes you VERY attractive! Others can FEEL the energy of your heart. (Like MEN!) It’s been proven that by just standing near someone, they can sense your heart energy for good or bad…And when you touch someone, you send an electrical signal from your heart to their brain that also can make them feel good or bad. These ways of interacting with others, which cannot be sensed intellectually or physically, can be FELT by a man and attract him to you in that deep, spiritual way… or put him off.
    If you’re in a “good” heart place, he’ll feel at ease when he’s with you. It will invite him to be in his own good heart energy. This will allow him to feel more like himself. He won’t know why, but he’ll know that he feels great around you. But if you’re not in a good heart place… Well, then, you know…Here’s the GOOD NEWS about Heart Intelligence: It’s something that can be consciously improved. This will make everyone in your life more impressed with you. And when you do meet HIM (or when you’re around that special someone you already know) he will be, too. He’ll be drawn to you, but he won’t know exactly why. He’ll crave your company and feel energized by your presence. Attracting what I want With softness No pushing Asking intuition direct question thus right Should I do this right now.

    The waterwheel is bringing gifts to you

  57.  #57lk on November 14, 2011 at 10:57 am

    sqwCD is online right now… i feel so space-y from him & i like the feeling that i’m 100% sure he’ll come back around & i am relaxed in that inoutbreathingflowing feeling that he will go away again after that, & I like it & am glad that he is in my life & glad about all of my CDs!!! I feel so airy around sqw that i think he will be feeling like, “WOW look at all this space – I have room to give her a wonderful gift” — & i also am thinking of kissing other men & kissing sqw i am not sure about that feels open & light & peaceful… wow i’m so interested in the tension when we have never even kissed & there is a lot of physical distance, though at times we have been very physically close but still no kissing or romantic touching…. that is such an interesting, mysterious place to imagine touching – i like that magnetic feeling! I do! though it is slowing since he visited & feels very calm, nospinning

  58.  #58Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 10:59 am

    April Rose I believe Rori when she says we “forget to FEEL”. I can remind myself. I don’t believe I lose it.

  59.  #59Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 11:02 am

    RE 54 Mel sounds like you were in your own world.

  60.  #60lk on November 14, 2011 at 11:04 am

    LOL it’s past noon —– BUMBUMBUMMMMM – QTcd would be in such trouble if he hadn’t txtd me this morning!! But i still don’t feel like txtng back to his goodmorning/goodday txt… i still feel bad about him teasing me for wanting beautiful gifts. I like teasing! It’s fun! But i want my feelings to be heard & I don’t want to feel dismissed by humor.

    Humor can feel brittle – hard, weak

    I don’t want that!

    I want my man to be strong & pliant, like a tree — I want to be lifted & held — yes, i do want that. that sounds lovely.

  61.  #61Mochaberri on November 14, 2011 at 11:07 am

    @ FW – 41: Thanks for sharing such a great outcome! Now I’m feeling more confident to “backlead” with a few examples. In fact, I do do that most times when I’m not filled with anger or frustration. In my current situation, my friend likes to make jabs eluding to the fact that I have other boyfriends since we’ve brokern up and I say to him calmly, ” I thought we agreed not to go there with that kind of talk” and he will stop and say “you’re right – you called me on it.”

    It proves to be successful but in my case it doesn’t last very long as in I have to constantly reitierate the fact that we are not supposed to entertain such statements whic makes me feel frustrated

  62.  #62Mochaberri on November 14, 2011 at 11:13 am

    @ FW and Mel – 44

    Yes I posted on the the last thread an email that I get from Rori with various advice and the promotion of the program that fits with the email. I actually posted it like 3 times….lol!

    There was a section that I did not quite understand and I reached out asking for help.

  63.  #63lk on November 14, 2011 at 11:15 am

    I still feel really, really scared when I think of museumCD now…. after getting that FWB message…. I’m really amazingly deeply grateful that I said no to another date with him, though he was spoiling me… I feel horrible & sick when I imagine… i don’t think he’s safe to be around. I almost want to get him punished or something. But i will just try to keep myself safe.

  64.  #64Mochaberri on November 14, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Here it is again Mel just for you 🙂

    If He’s Stalling This Tool Will Move Him Forward

    If you’re finding yourself in a relationship with a man that’s settling into a place that’s comfortable for HIM – in other words, the minimum he needs to do to keep you…

    The minimum number of phone calls, dates and spending time with you…

    And talk about your “future” together seems to be on “hold” – my Commitment Blueprint program will help you so much.

    In the Blueprint, you’ll learn how to stay grounded and steady no matter WHAT he does, and get to your Happy Ever After without ultimatums, arguing, or even ANY COOPERATION at all from him.

    Not knowing where you stand with a man is one of the most painful things I can think of.

    If you’re like I was, you’ve given your heart to a man who did and said all the right things, treated you wonderfully and even talked about a “future” together, and then you suddenly realized – like waking up from a deep sleep – that things are stalled.

    All of a sudden you notice you MISS him.

    I remember seeing a man, sleeping with him, opening my heart and body to him, and then suddenly “noticing” he wasn’t calling as much as he did, he wasn’t WITH me as much, and I could feel my anxiety climbing and pretty much getting the better of me.

    And then my upset and anxiety – no matter how much I tried to stuff it down – made me so tense things would just get worse.

    If this is happening to you, too, I know you can get yourself out of that horrible pattern the way I did – and so much faster and easier.

    Here’s a letter from Gina, who’s struggling with this right now – so let’s pull her situation apart together so I can help you, too.

    “Dear Rori, Ok, I definitely think you hit the nail on the head with this stuff and absolutely am starting to understand and implement it. My one question that keeps coming to me over and over and over again is this…..lets say once you catch the man….you get married….you then can’t date other men when he pulls away and you can keep yourself busy doing your thing yes but only to a certain degree…how then do you keep the marriage being super fabulous when he pulls away?

    And what if you continue to take care of yourself, and the relationship just seems to fall by the way side because men seem to just be fine with not being close or working on the relationship?

    Another example to add to my confusion….I am dating a guy (6 months exclusive now, dated him while dating others for a year) and I keep up with my active life, I am a feminine girl and not calling him or chasing him and I am not always available when he calls but have also let him know how wonderful he is and all the feeling stuff….and yes he is still around and he is a loyal type guy but we are seeing each other less and less and he calls less and less and so I’m back to square one in the confusion thing.

    I feel our relationship is more like just friends and I personally (since its going backwards) I am just looking to leave….but again how do I keep this from continuing to happen to other relationships in the future? I must be missing a piece of the puzzle somewhere. I haven’t asked him about a future, I haven’t tried asking him if he’s happy with our relationship, I just sit here wondering gosh does he see what I see, is he going to let it continue to spiral down like this and for how long?

    ****I’m going to answer both parts of Gina’s question –

    1. How to keep a marriage exciting when you can’t really date other men, and

    2. How to fix the relationship she’s in right now where her man seems to be “underfunctioning.”

    I’ll start with Gina’s relationship – Here’s the missing piece –

    Gina, ask yourself (and if you’re in this same situation – I want you to ask yourself, too) – right now – “Why am I exclusive with this man?”

    Unless you are in high school or college, or are in a place in your life when you KNOW you don’t want marriage – that what you want is a “boyfriend” or a “lover,” for NOW, that you are in that relationship ONLY to learn how to Do relationship, how to be a great partner, how to use my Tools to get close to a man, to learn about intimacy and work out all your issues before you’re ready for a long-term commitment, there is only ONE reason to be exclusive with a man.

    And that reason is MARRIAGE IS ON THE TABLE.

    I have a whole segment in my Commitment Blueprint program about this, and I want you to take it to heart.

    What I’m hearing here is that after one year of dating, you fell into an exclusive relationship with this man without any talk about marriage, living together, family, or ANYTHING.

    So – you’re left with a relationship that’s gone on too long without this step to a serious long-term commitment.

    You do not mention a ring on your finger, which is part of the whole exclusivity thing.

    Can you see that it’s the EXCLUSIVITY itself that’s causing the problem here?

    Here’s what Commitment Blueprint will do for you:

    – You’ll learn the different emotional processes that men and women go through to reach commitment, and how to align your processes so you can both be happy and move forward TOGETHER.

    – You’ll find specific NEW TOOLS that include things to say and do that will connect you to your man on such a powerful emotional level that you’ll never have to question where your relationship is going.

    – You’ll never feel overwhelmed by uncertainty, confusion or frustration again because you’ll know what it takes to move your relationship forward, and what to do when it’s stalled.

    – You’ll understand what he’s thinking and feeling every step of the way, so you don’t have to sabotage your relationship by trying to “talk about it” or guess what to do to make him happy.

    – You’ll know how he feels because I’ll share with you insight into his emotional journey, and how to interpret his behavior accurately without having to ask him. (This is what strangely bugs some men to no end.)

    – You’ll know what to say and do because I’ll teach you. And I’ll introduce you to FIVE other experts on commitment to share their most powerful insights and tools to move you towards your “happily ever after.”

    If what you’ve been doing has worked up to a point, but there are missing pieces that are causing you confusion, then get my Commitment Blueprint program, today:

    Gina’s example of marriage is something completely different, and I’ll get to it later in this letter…for now, I want to congratulate Gina for considering leaving her man – this tells me she has possession of herself and isn’t feeling desperate – but on the flip side, it’s this casual attitude she has toward HER OWN WELL-BEING that is de-motivating HIM!

    ***So, let’s get back to basics, and see how to undo this.

    First, Gina, you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with this man.

    It is not the TIME that’s the issue here, though 18 months is plenty of time for a man to know what he wants to do with you – it’s the exclusivity.

    You are now officially trapped.

    And because he has not made his wishes for a permanent arrangement with you known, and because you’re still exclusively with him, you’ve automatically downgraded yourself in his eyes!

    Yep, you’ve completely reduced your Degree-of- Difficulty.

    And – this is where we women get all mixed up.

    When we find ourselves in a situation like this – what do we feel?

    We feel ANGRY.

    We feel angry, and frustrated, and we respond to that by either attacking him, or stuffing our feelings down and pulling away ourselves – which is what you’re doing.

    What I hear is that you are as afraid of intimacy as he is.

    If you can go 18 months with a man with NO discussion of your future, you are afraid of intimacy.

    When a man asks you for exclusivity, that’s the time to put everything on the table.

    He says I don’t want you to date other men, and you say – give me a reason why not?

    You say – “I don’t want a boyfriend, I want to be married with a family. Is that what you want?”

    In other words, he’s entitled to do whatever he wants, to date you if he likes, to even sleep with you if you’re sexually exclusive and you feel good about it (at some point you have to take this risk – all we can do is minimize it) – but he doesn’t get you ALL TO HIMSELF.

    Now – to answer your question about the marriage part.

    Once a man has ASKED you to marry him, put a ring on your finger and set a wedding date and living arrangements and plans for a family for the rest of your lives together – how do you keep up your Degree-of-Difficulty?

    Usually – the ring and the wedding date solves all that – because you feel secure.

    And once we women feel secure – we relax, we become more ourselves, we stop feeling needy and desperate, and so we automatically help our men bond with us even more.

    And as we open up more and more, our men open up more and more, and they become more deeply connected – and the MARRIAGE has begun!

    Most men think of marriage as forever.

    Most men don’t fool around.

    Most men would never bother to marry you if they didn’t want to be with you forever.

    So all you have to do is keep the Tools going.

    What happens to so many of us (and this is what happened to me) is that the security of marriage BACKFIRES on us.

    Instead of staying with our feminine instincts and continuing to use the Tools, we start moving back into our masculine energy.

    We use masculine energy to put together the wedding.

    We become logistical experts.

    In the middle of all the stress of creating a marriage, we forget to FEEL.

    And we forget to express ourselves from our feelings, from our hearts, and we forget to use words that honor the masculine in our men – we go back to the masculine-energy behavior that we stopped before, while we were creating the connection in the first place.

    And yes, dating yourself is all part of keeping sane when you’re married.

    And yes – my “Out The Window” Tool (it’s in my Commitment Blueprint program, along with Phyllis Chase’s “POP”) will help you SO much with your Degree-of-Difficulty and keep you from losing your lustre in a marriage.

    If you’re not sure which of my programs to start with to help you the most and the fastest in your unique situation, take a look at my catalog page.

    Just know – marriage is a completely different thing than a relationship.

    The difference between an uncommitted relationship (even an exclusive one) and a fully committed, public, official marriage is night-and-day.

    The missing puzzle piece here is being able to express yourself and talk to this man.

    There’s a big difference between ultimatums and accusations and disappointment and anger and simply asking a man what he sees for you BEFORE you commit to him in ANY WAY.

    Does this make sense to you?

    So, now – you have to sit down with him and talk.

    You have to share that you’re feeling confused and uncomfortable, and that you’ve considered leaving him.

    That it feels like friends to you, and that it feels bad and you miss the way it used to be.

    Ask him what he sees for the two of you, and that if he’s not ready for marriage, that’s fine, he’s entitled, you get it, and thank him for sharing.

    Then say that it won’t work for you to be exclusively involved with him until he knows what he wants to do with you, and that you’ll be delighted to continue to date him, but that you’ll be seeing other men as well.

    If this is the way it pans out for you when you talk to him, you’ll want to get a copy of my “Targeting Mr. Right” program, which is the nuts-and-bolts how-to guide on HOW to do Circular Dating.

    start opening up to him more.

    What’s happening is that you’re feeling frustrated and angry and so you’re backing away from him physically (which is good) but also emotionally (which will do you NO good).

    Please use my Commitment Blueprint to learn how to Bridge by opening your heart to him, being an “Invitation,” and STILL stand up for yourself, with full boundaries in place, and no overfunctioning.

    It’s not hard – it’s just a new kind of skill, and yes – it will trigger some of your own fears of intimacy.

    And here’s where my programs and philosophy completely help you – it’s that triggering of your deepest feelings, even the fear and rage, that will HELP you get to where you want to be.

    By letting your emotions come up and show up, and be felt – instead of trying to smooth them over and be all “I don’t care…” you can TRANSFORM things.

    YOU will feel different – stronger and more open and more connected to both yourself and to HIM.

    And HE will FEEL that difference, and be intrigued.

    He’ll feel inspired to move the relationship forward to get MORE of those deeper feelings and connection he will now sense with you.

    It’s a LIE we’ve been fed that men don’t care about “closeness.”

    They want to be close as much as we women do.

    They so want to be close and intimate that they’re willing to give up their “freedom” – to give up all their options in women out there – just to be CLOSE to US.

    Whenever you are with a man who can’t seem to be “close” – ask yourself – what’s going on with ME?

    If HE can’t be close – it’s fairly certain that YOU can’t either!

    We don’t pick “closed off” men because we can be close, we pick closed off men because we’re AFRAID to be close.

    We’re happy to work hard to try to break him down – because inside we KNOW it can’t be done.

    So we feel safe.

    We feel safe from intimacy.

    Intimacy is for the courageous – and I KNOW you have all the courage you need.

    Understanding what’s going on here will help you tremendously.

    Your backing away from this man is only part of the solution.

    You must open your heart to him, and when he does call, and does show up, you have to be in full feeling mode.

    You have to be warm and inviting and soft.

    And this doesn’t take effort.

    In fact, being feminine takes NO effort.

    Except for the courage – because being feminine is intimate and SCARY if you’re not used to it.

    This is not a superficial “fix.”

    But it IS FAST!

    Just try the Tools out, one by one, follow along with me here and start BRIDGING.

    I know you can do this.

    If I did it, any woman can, and if, in my marriage, I can keep the fires burning even though I’m ALWAYS working with my instinct to go into masculine energy – YOU CAN, TOO.

  65.  #65Mochaberri on November 14, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Here’s the part that I was struggling with in the recently posted email:

    What’s happening is that you’re feeling frustrated and angry and so you’re backing away from him physically (which is good) but also emotionally (which will do you NO good).

    Any help???

  66.  #66Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:24 am

    48 Lillybelley thank you for your reply. I agree with what you mean about texting and emailing being ick….
    I think I need to create a new boundary with that.

    FW yes I got your reply, thank you.

    I’m just trying to think of a way to say what I want to say when he does contact me….to be true to myself and address my feelings that it’s not cool to do that…don’t ask me out and then not reply, and if that is how it is, then maybe I should cut out.
    But then I think maybe I’m being too harsh. Guys are not always good at dating. I never know the right thing to do. I always second guess myself. I feel overwhelmed.

  67.  #67Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Mochaberri I took it to mean:-

    Physically: overfunctioning as in intiating calls and chasing him. Going and dragging him out if his mancave.

    Emotionally: When he pulls away we get angry and resentful so when he comes back for emotional connection our heart is hard or closed down so we cannot be warm and open. When we are together I don’t share how I feel because my heart is closed off, so he cannot connect. He connects with me through my open heart as I am not responding based on what he is doing but how I am feeling.

  68.  #68Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Emerson if he was just another one of the many guys going in and out maybe you would not even really notice to become invested or expecting the date. A response could even confirm to him that he has you where he wants you.

  69.  #69lk on November 14, 2011 at 11:31 am

    2 people have commented on my necklace i bought myself yesterday – good i feel spoiled & i can give that feeling to myself!

    i’m spoiling myself at work right now too – doing something where i can write a little at the same time without going slower

    I’m really looking forward to leaving the office early while it’s still sunny & then walking around Boulder & smiling at cute college men : ))) mmmm i feel lovely

    i think QT will probably kiss me tonight… hmmm that sounds good! I’m glad! I want to be kissed & held……

    though I’m still feeling petrifiedicyscared about museumcd…. i hope i can feel safe tonight with QT…. EFF THAT GUY – MAN THAT MAKES ME MAD – WHYYYY does he think he can say that to me??? HE WAS SO BIG I’M SO SMALL I’M FEELING SO SCARED

    i want to feel safe. i will be safe. i did want to kiss QT before but then he didn’t really make it happen, though he did kind of try, but he got my cheek lol

    i want to feel safe. this is a nice man. he wants to take me to do fun things & help me & give me beautiful gifts….. breathing…. ok yes i can do this

  70.  #70Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:33 am

    67 FW but I have not been replying to him immediately when he’s messaged me…and I feel like this is playing games and I find it confusing to think that he “has you where he wants you”….

    If a guy asks me out, shouldn’t I keep an open heart and accept if I want to go? I really dont know what to say/do here.

    I also just got in a tiff with my parents. Sort of a tiff but not really. They asked how I was doing and I said I feel sad, and I was told why I was not supposed to feel sad, and then my Mom tried to talk about something else and distract me and all the while I was standing there tearing up, and I felt like they were both being so insensitive. I felt like I was not allowed to feel sad.

    Feeling so upset right now. And incapable of relating to people.

  71.  #71Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:35 am

    FW i agree if about if there were other guys in the picture I wouldn’t care, but I don’t have that many CDs right now, I had a few and they all poofed.
    I actually still had correspondence going with a couple of them when I replied to his message…so my vibe should have reflected that.

  72.  #72lk on November 14, 2011 at 11:41 am

    I want to feel safe! I want to be a ninja & judochop museumCD – what a badboy. He’s scary… wow, i’m not used to being scared. I want bells on my doors & weapons in my hand & I want to hurt men…. there is a lot of anger there – i’m surprised to find it. hmmmmm…. i’m breathing into it & thinking of all the wonderful, lovely, helpful men I know – mmmmmmm wow those soft, amazing men – those gentle, strong men who are kind & want to protect me………… yes i like that & i want that & i can choose to see & receive that.

  73.  #73lk on November 14, 2011 at 11:47 am

    I’m thinking really scary thoughts… like he does not deserve to be around women & he should be locked up…. Hmmm…. i’m not sure about this… maybe this is more my projection of fear than anything he has done wrong – but I was scared of him! I said no, i don’t feel safe walking to your car & he went to his car alone to get the flowers for me & then i felt silly…. I felt silly when I was scared the first time in the elevator thinking he would kiss me, then silly again when he didn’t…but then he did kiss me on the way back in elevator – but just a gentle peck kiss, so i wasn’t that scared…..weird. i really wish he did not even live in this country!!! i want him very far away & he makes me scared for other women! I hate feeling this way. i feel helpless.

  74.  #74Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 11:48 am

    It could be playing games and he would sense that. I have had experience where I was very busy and didn’t even realize the message was there for days. I have also been so pissed that I had a whateverrollingmyeyeskindofattitude because I really didn’t not care. I might be wrong but what I have seen in your writing about OceanCD thus far suggests to me that you care to the point of hoping he might step up one day. I would give myself the space to seriously consider dropping him totally.

  75.  #75Starla on November 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Ladies, CF says he would really like to see me a lot more, even if it’s for 10 minutes before i go to bed or for lunch during my work day or to give me a ride somewhere. This would feel great, and yet the idea of getting even closer to him feels terrifying! Not because it’s him, but because it’s just terrifying.

    I am going to give it a few weeks and see how he steps it up and follows through, and then maybe i’ll back off of dating other men for a while. For one thing, I don’t like any of these guys, lol, and for another, CF has started referring to me as “my lady” and told me last night that he wants to be with me forever.

    I don’t want to rush anything, and I think the biggest thing stopping me from rushing into exclusivity with this man even though i think he is magical and lovely is that it would feel so much better to know he has a plan for us starting a life together.

    i shall give it a few weeks…and then i was thinking it would feel nice to spend our time apart with me taking care of myself and living my awesome life, and not dating others just to stay “sane.”

    i need to learn how to let a relationship build without losing sight of myself. i think this is more detrimental to any man’s attraction with me than whether or not i’m seeing other guys.

    but in the meantime, if a cute one asks me out, i’m so there.

    interestingly enough, i got asked out by 4 different guys this weekend, but i didn’t feel at all attracted. Especially the drummer from my favorite metal band in town. Figures… I guess I’m not so into dating my heroes, just making out with them lol.

  76.  #76lk on November 14, 2011 at 11:50 am

    Wow i’m noticing my desire to receive gifts is becoming expectation………I don’t want to expect – I want to be surprised! I do like to imagine wonderful things I want & really delight in wanting them! I just need to not think that because I want them, I know how they will come to me : ) that feels relaxing!

  77.  #77Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:50 am

    73 FW maybe I should drop him but what is wrong with hoping someone will step up?
    Are we supposed to completely “not care” and then if a guy steps up the lukewarmness is supposed to turn into passion? It does not make sense to me.

  78.  #78lk on November 14, 2011 at 11:52 am

    hmmm still waiting for QT to txt plans… he probably thinks i’m rude lol….. but! his txt didn’t require a response & i don’t want to think of what to say

    i want him to txt me in 1 hour & say, “so i get off work at X time, let’s meet at X” so i can say, “yes, that sounds good : )” lol because that’s not hard to txt

  79.  #79lk on November 14, 2011 at 11:54 am


    the biggest thing stopping me from rushing into exclusivity with this man even though i think he is magical and lovely is that it would feel so much better to know he has a plan for us starting a life together.

    WOW I really like this! I want that too : ))) & i empathize with your fear….. SCARRRRRYYYYY lol, but yes, good, yum : )

  80.  #80Starla on November 14, 2011 at 11:54 am

    lk, Atlas Purveyors coffee and tea shop at one end of Pearl Street is so good. Usually cute guys there, the owner is a total cutie too and best friends with my old boss (that i replaced here at my company). Highly recommended.

    So jealous you’re going to Boulder for the day, even though I went to Estes Park with CF yesterday.

  81.  #81Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Emerson I saved these from some posts long ago

    1. “You know, I feel weird about bringing this up, but…I felt excited that we were going to meet this weekend, and when we didn’t, I felt disappointed. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I feel let down when a man doesn’t follow through with something he said he would. What do you think?”

    RR says love is easy, it makes Me feels good, warm, safe, happy, free.
    Me does not know him and Me is already asking “why” he is not phoning her.
    What does Me think it is telling her about herself?
    Why does she needs HIM in particular to call her?
    Me does not know what he can bring into her life, she has no idea of his ability to be safe himself and to share his safety;
    So why is he the one man she wants to hear from?
    Because there is nobody else around?
    That is dishonest to him and to her.
    He should be one of many men swimming around, minding their journey while Me minds her own life, safe on her island.

    2. “I’m just a girl here and I can’t deal without contact – it makes me feel unloved and unwanted….I don’t know how we can be together without some conflict…I don’t know if that’s possible. Is there some way we can work to resolve conflict more easily so that there isn’t like 2 or 3 days of no communication and anger between us? It would feel so good to be able to make mistakes now and then and somehow work our way through them. It would feel great to feel secured and relaxed that way, so I could love you without feeling afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing…”

  82.  #82Starla on November 14, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Feeling grateful for the pre-sliced organic apples my company keeps in the fridge for us. They put calcium carbonate on them so they never oxidize. Pretty amazing.

  83.  #83Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Don’t’ remember who wrote this one

    “Whenever I feel anger towards someone – usually a family member – as it is the purpose of everyone in my life to get me to face myself, I immediately notice that this is a result of my belief that he is separate from me and that my response to his behaviour is only the opportunity for me to forgive this belief. As quickly as possible I remember that
    what my ego is presently telling me is that he is separate from me and deserves punishment for his
    behaviour. What is true is that he is another manifestation of my consciousness and that I (the real me – the extension of my Creator, my Spirit self) created that instant solely for the purpose of reminding me of the truth. I created it all – since it is my dream – I created people and circumstances only for my ultimate benefit.
    The opportunity is for me to stop my ego from telling me that the way I can save my soul is to project my guilt onto another”

  84.  #84Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    thanks FW very helpful…

  85.  #85Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    Starla please remember Mel’s experience with SexySarcastic. He seemed to have been her CF, and then he dropped off the planet. I believe you have to create the distance so he can know for sure he wants to be around you all the time. If you give in to that you might “over stuff the bird” causing him to pull away. If he wants more time like that he should be willing to give you what you want.

  86.  #86Lizka on November 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    I feel bored about E. We’re going to this show tomorrow night and after that, Bye Bye E! You snooze you loose I say!

  87.  #87Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    This is from a Rori email:-

    “I feel so much love in my heart when I see your beautiful face” – then EXPRESSING it (without any caring at all what happens or what he does after we express it) has to be ALL we want. If there’s even a tiny, tiny bit of expecting him to do the same – then we’ll push him away.
    He won’t feel our love, he’ll feel PRESSURE.
    He won’t feel our open heart and body and
    passion just ready for him to dive into – he’ll
    feel our expectation.
    He’ll feel that we want something from him.
    And that feeling of being pushed and pulled
    will send ANY man running for the hills.
    To REVERSE this:
    1. Step BACK.
    I know how hard this is – and yet it WORKS.
    It works – as long as you don’t FAKE it.
    You can’t PRETEND to “Step-Back” – that’s just
    old-fashioned “playing hard-to-get” – and though
    it might work for a day, or even a week, it won’t
    last much more than that.
    A man will pick up right away that you’re just
    playing ‘a game” – and it will make you come
    across even needier and more desperate than before
    – with the ADDED non-attractive quality of him
    thinking you’re dishonest.
    Say, out loud, without saying the word “you” –
    feeling you came up with.
    Say: “I feel bad,” or “I feel Disappointed,” or I feel Angry.”
    This looks like: you don’t ASK HIM for ANYTHING.
    If he apologizes, say Thank You, and then say:
    “I don’t like feeling bad (or disappointed or
    7. That’s it. You’re done.
    Listen to what he has to say, and don’t DISCUSS
    his excuses.
    Don’t get into ANY discussion.
    8. Now you have to follow your feelings even more, because you’re going to have Triggered yourself with such amazing, brave, sexy, exciting, attractive, UNUSUAL – and totally UNEXPECTED behavior.
    Your Nasty Voice is going to kick in.
    9. Feel PROUD. Let the Nasty Voice talk, but don’t believe it, don’t do what it says, don’t defend yourself against it. YOU are in CHARGE.
    Say that OUT LOUD right now for practice – “I’m
    in CHARGE of ME.”
    10. IMMEDIATELY turn away from your man, and
    from the Nasty Voice and go do something fun,
    happy, involving, exciting, useful.

  88.  #88Starla on November 14, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    84 FW, hello lady:) I am sorry…I’m not sure what about my situation you’re referring to that you’re cautioning me against.

  89.  #89Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    “It’s a “natural tension” and challenge of not having CONTROL and uncertainty that creates strong ATTRACTION in men.” I believe that was from CCarter. Starla keep this in mind

  90.  #90Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Sorry Starla

  91.  #91Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    “For men, approval-seeking behavior KILLS the spark that comes from the uncertainty of not knowing exactly how the women he’s with is going to think and act.
    You lose respect because you know you can CONTROL him. There’s nothing that triggers more intense “long-term” attraction in a healthy and mature
    man, than a woman who he CAN’T control and doesn’t get thrown off-center when her needs aren’t met “. CCarter

  92.  #92Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Can’t remember who wrote this one but I know it was a coach:-

    “Say, “I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends. This is why I’m not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way.”
    If you can say this in a way that doesn’t include BLAME or guilt or pressure from you, the response a man will give will be MAGICAL.
    He’ll open up and meet you at the level of honesty and respect you’re coming at him with.
    And as tough and as “bitchy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, this is exactly what you need to say to a man if you really want
    something more with him.
    And doing this, and only this, can get you out of your “friends with benefits” situation and into a great relationship.”

  93.  #93Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    from FW 87

    7. That’s it. You’re done.
    Listen to what he has to say, and don’t DISCUSS
    his excuses.
    Don’t get into ANY discussion.

    I need to remember this.
    Recycled always always has excuses and wants to rant on and on….and I’ve gotten sucked in.

    This is a great reminder

  94.  #94Starla on November 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    89 fw, no apologies necessary hehe but i would love to know what part of my situation you’re cautioning me against. Thank you!

  95.  #95lk on November 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    I’m thinking of kissing QT & CD & sqw & also even remembering ex & HT & J…. oh, gentle men – oh kind, protective, strong men who bend thick limbs to help me, like the trees lifting up the mother of the buddha

  96.  #96Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    I know the root of my depression is the idea/misconception that my feelings don’t matter….and the idea/misconception that it’s not ok to express my feelings…

    Because these are things I learned growing up…
    I need to unlearn them…

    This baggage makes me defensive and feeling like I need to protect my right to my feelings and it is almost impossible to have a healthy relationship with that mindset.

  97.  #97Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    so if a guy is mainly corresponding on email and text when you first meet,,,what is a good way to express that you want to talk live on the phone or in person rather than keep texting or emailing without sounding pushy wanting and expecting an outcome??

  98.  #98Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    Starla it seems you are willing to change your life a little to give him his request “to see me a lot more”. I believe him not having you as much as he wants to will keep the attraction going. It will keep him looking/creating situations to get closer. He can’t have you to himself or control you in any way is what I would say.

    I am remember a friend who got so frustrated because he could not have his girlfriend all the time. You would believe the look on his face and the vibe from his body when he said to me “I can’t take it any longer”. They were shortly married and he still seems to be happy.

  99.  #99Mel on November 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm


    In my own world… good or bad? 😉 LOL

  100.  #100Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Emerson try telling yourself “though I feel ……………….. I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself”. I used this as a mantra and for tapping during the summer time and did it during my walking routine. It really helped me to shift some beliefs and release some sadness and depression.

  101.  #101Starla on November 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    fw, thank you for explaining. I think I must have not explained myself very well…I don’t plan on changing my life. I just think it’s nice that he wants to see me a lot more, and if he actually does follow through with stepping up, I’m going to lose interest in dating these other guys JUST for the sake of dating. I am heavily involved with a big political campaign, applying for grad school, training in belly dance, and have a few friends I like to hang out with, and I love my alone time… I’m not going to be at his beck and call even if i wanted to be 😀

  102.  #102Starla on November 14, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    FW, woman, you are so sweet to take the time to tell me your opinion about my situation. Thank you for thinking of me:) *HUGS HUGS HUGS*
    i feel special hehe

  103.  #103Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    RE 99 Mel good. I read a story about a couple so gazing into each others eyes and talking as if the world around them does not exist. I believe it was from Carol Allen. Your story brought that back to my memory and I said aaahhhh when I read your post. Feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside. I

  104.  #104lk on November 14, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    I was practicing leaning back while driving yesterday………….. wow it felt easy : )

  105.  #105Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    RE 101 Starla. That felt great to read. Thanks for letting me know you are showing up in your own life

  106.  #106Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    98 thanks FW I will try that

  107.  #107Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Emerson I have used “I feel bored or drained with ………. I prefer face to face or phone conversation”. Then I just don’t engage with the IM chats. I have also responded to text with a phone call to let a man know that it is easier to get me through a call. Then I don’t respond to his texts. The only thing is that when he moved to phone calls, it felt business like because he seemd to want to get off as soon as possible.

  108.  #108Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    I like this:

    “I feel bored or drained with ………. I prefer face to face or phone conversation”.

  109.  #109Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Gawsh I feel so confused sometimes…just a few months back I felt all empowered with Recycled contacting me all the time and wanting to talk to me….and also other guys giving me attention…

  110.  #110Butterfly Wings on November 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    683 (from previous thread): Femininewoman –

    My discomfort around that bodypart in particular has always been there – since I was a teen anyway. It’s not so bad that it consumes my life, but it is something I am self conscious about and do my best to “enhance” (with a bra), otherwise I don’t feel comfortable when I’m out in public.

    I suppose it’s always been there for me so I don’t make a big deal out of it – it’s just something that I’m a little self conscious about but not something I give a lot of thought to – unless I’m across the road picking up takeaway and there happens to be a group of hot guys there!

    As for the men compared to my children, my children will always be #1 and I will always love them unconditionally. A man I’m not sure I could love unconditionally. But of course it’s a different kind of love.

    In saying all of that, I won’t put my dating life or relationships on hold for my children either. I want them to grow up independent, and to respect my decisions too – as long as they’re making me happy.

    I’ve never had trouble with my girls and TH – they both adore him. In fact, my youngest (she’s 4) insists on staying home with him when I need to go out to do some errands. I’s so sweet! And of course he doesn’t mind either.

    I’ve done this single mother thing before – around 10 years ago, and it worked fine for me. I wanted my daughter to be happy first and foremost, but I also wanted to be happy, so it meant that there had to be some balance. I eventually met hubby #2 and he was great with my daughter and I knew then that I would let him stick around for a while!

    Even though we’re now separated, he still sends my daughter (who’s not even his) birthday gifts. It’s really nice that they’re like that.

  111.  #111Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    I really really want to lean forward and call Recycled right now. I want some comfort that he at least still cares a lil bit. I know it’s wrong though. Just riffing everything out here on the blog the last couple days….I’ve been working a lot and have to stuff down my feelings and get thru the days ….and it comes to a avalanche once I have some time off…

  112.  #112lk on November 14, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    i realized that this guy from okc is the exec producer of a show here in CO…. i felt at first like, oh ok he must be ok & kind of normal to have that job… then I was like wtf are you talking about, lk?!?! that’s cr8zy, he probably has a wife & is a nutter ! lol of course i don’t know. i’ll see if he calls & pay extra attention to how i feel ……. i’m like, why in the world is this dude on okc – but that doesn’t make sense! i’m on okc & lots of people are…. it’s not like he’s famous or something weird… hmmmmm still makes me ask questions…. he is going to help me get some publicity for my job, so that’s good for my company & for me : )))

  113.  #113Daria on November 14, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    lk @ college boy who wants to buy me a gift

    how do you ask for the gift?

    like, can you tell me your script?

    is it like, hey do you want to buy me a gift?

    him… mmm maybe

    you… oh i really want this paper from the art store?

    Im practicing asking and receiving gifts too…

  114.  #114Starla on November 14, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    lk, i was a professional public figure for 1.5 years (recently) and i was on online dating sites:) and i’m awesome. lol. so you never know :):)

  115.  #115lk on November 14, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    go slow – breathing – not every man is museumCD – that was scary – it’s ok….. wow i feel absolutely terrified of men & thinking that QTcd is going to not txt….. But that will feel nice, actually, then i can just take myself out to eat somewhere fancy to spoil myself & sit at the bar & take a walk & meet some kind, gentle, safe men : ) breathingokthisisfine

  116.  #116Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    BW once it is there in the unconscious “I’m a little self conscious about but not something I give a lot of thought to”, the unconscious mind will give thought to it and create the situations for it. I encourage you to use the opportunities to heal this. I am scared doing it myself but it feels liberating in the moment.

  117.  #117Mel on November 14, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    101: FW,

    It felt like a really great date, actually. Weird huh? LOL

  118.  #118Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Starla – i feel worried reading about the exclusivity thing

    the relationship builds through time spent together and the moves the man makes, not exclusivity before commitment

    and there is no plan or marriage on the table here…

    it will feel awful to get attached to this man and then get DETACHED painfully if that real concrete plan does not show up

    seems it would feel much easier emotionally to let the relationship build until the proposal happens

  119.  #119Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Emerson – “Are we supposed to completely “not care” and then if a guy steps up the lukewarmness is supposed to turn into passion?”

    yes it works this way for me and its what rori says about our hearts opening and fluttering when we feel safe with a good man that’s giving to us. their stepping up inspires me to feel safe and feel more attracted to them

  120.  #120Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:13 pm


    feelig somewhat heavy around my chest after writing those very matter of fact posts

    thank you Daria for noticing

  121.  #121Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Mel I see it as part of being surprised. Sponatneous enough to allow the moments to string along to the happyily ever after. Also showing that you are not necessarily high maintenance in that you always need a lot of money spent on you to have a romantic date. Being in the moment.

  122.  #122Starla on November 14, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Daria, I never said I’m getting exclusive. It’s not black and white to me…I just want to stop dating guys i don’t actually like lol for the sake of CDing and focus more on dating myself, if CF steps up as indicated. I’m not looking to be a girlfriend.

  123.  #123Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    its ok to sound harsh daria

    otherwise you would just keep it to yourself and sometimes thats ok too

    and its ok to experiment with sharing it

    even if it doesn’t come out ideal and

    it comes out like a big rubber soled boot kicking out SLAM

    its all good


    i feel glad you are willing to feel uncomfortable to grow

    thank you thank you thank you big mama

  124.  #124Starla on November 14, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Daria, and FW, I can see how I gave you both that impression.. Sorry about that! It’s that I’m at work *sneaking* my posts in, and sometimes I don’t end up expressing myself as accurately as I would like.

    You’re both so nice to have my back when you’re worried I’m slipping from siren-status hehe. Thank you!

  125.  #125Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    117 Daria
    ok but what if he’s already stepped up in a mini way by emailing and texting regularly…and the attraction has build a lil bit and then they let us down…it’s hard not to be attached to the outcome. That’s what I’m struggling with.

    I feel out of control because I cannot control my other CDs poofing…and I don’t have time to recruit another 10 Cds every week…I feel defensive toward myself not directed at you at all….

    I feel frustrated and I appreciate all of the Sirens support on here and taking the time to listen and reply to me…it’s really very appreciated I don’t know who else to talk to.

  126.  #126Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Rori is so cute, I love this pic of her and her husband.

  127.  #127Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Starla – hmm it feels not good to me

    i mean if you said “i just want to stop dating guys i don’t like”

    then i would be like sure yeah well if you date them repeatedly and just don’t like them

    (tho i’ve rarely been in this position cuz i usually enjoy the practice time with a man on some level – there HAVE ben a few i didn not realy want to connect romantically )

    thne yeah dop em and put yourself out for new ones

    but then the post says

    “*IF* CF steps up”

    and that feels ‘off’ to me, like, what does this have to do with CF.

    It feels a lil weird and confusing, ok furrowed brow turny tummy bad, to hear that this has something to do with what a man does

    it sounds more like a personal thing for love life so …

    hinging it on wht a certain man does …

    that feels like head shaking no no to me

    i feel all tightened up.

    i guess it doesn’t feel good to me

  128.  #128lk on November 14, 2011 at 1:27 pm


    Yes, I’m practicing this…. it can be hard & sometimes I hate it! I feel really weird seeing dinner or dates as a gift, but I’m really excited to be trying to feel good not moving toward the bill at all even in my imagination haha…. ummmm…. i’m trying to break my pattern of guiltypayingfordates because usually i don’t want sXx with dates…….i’m afraid of them getting mad & hurting me i think……..

    Once I was out with a friend & we were both really tired & hungry & sad & we went to get food but neither of us had much money, & it felt so weird – to her too! – she just asked, can we have this for free? even though we did have enough to pay for it & the guy was like, oh sure, do you want anything else? and we were both amazed, like WOW that works. & he was happy & liking giving to us!

    Well, sometimes when I see a man that it would feel good to receive from, i’ll just say, Hey, where are you going? Are you going to bring back a gift for me?

    I like that…

    Sometimes I just say it to myself & then I think, well if no man gets this for me, I bet i can get it myself for free. That’s what i like. To get things for free. & i carry around a wish list – like: bookshelf, hangers, car fix, computer, phone, & then I look for those things for free – like I imagine i know they’re there around me, i just have to see them there for me….

    Sometimes if i see someone who has something like what i want, i say, “Oh, how did you get that? & how does it feel to have it? like do you like it?” & i will tell them, “Oh, i want that, but i want it to be like this or something & it seems really fun, but I want to get it for free!” I tell them i want it free. I tell everyone i want it free.

    Sometimes i have to use money, but if i have the moneyeasy, then it’s still free…… wow i am feeling a little scared of believing in that magic & those ideas – like am i weird or crazy? maybe haha…. ummmm but I can do things that are normal & it’s fine – i can fill my gas tank & do things – i just like to float in the ocean thoughts & trust the heavy water to lift me up & carry me – it’s ok, it’s easy

    I’m imagining getting what i want today in Boulder…. if i want paper… or a book or notebook or something…. how will i get that? I don’t want to row my boat toward it……………… I want to say, hi, yes wow i’m feeling really good, hmm oh, yes, i’m exploring…yes…i want to visit & get sunshine & stretch out my legs & have a warm drink… yes i’m actually really wanting some beautiful paper today…. oh thank you for telling me about that paper, i’m interested & i’m feeling excited about getting my own beautiful paper — yes, but i don’t want to pay for it, i want to receive beautiful paper for free hmmmmmmm

    I’m imagining my money like yeast – I have a little in one pot – I divide it into three pots – I have a little in three pots – one person I see asks me, do I have any money? yes, I say, & give them half the money from one pot. two people come & say, give us money or we will kill you. ok, i say, & give them half the money from the other two pots. another person i see says, i need to get water & need vessels to carry the water – I say, ok, but all the money I have spills over & will not fit in just one pot.

  129.  #129Starla on November 14, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    ““*IF* CF steps up”

    Yes, if he is making more plans and always coming around to be a part of my life, then i’m not going to have much time for dating others because i’ll already have plans. that’s how it’s supposed to work, right?

    Like how when other guys step up to make plans, I don’t have time for seeing CF.

    Poor Daria, I feel bad that you’re like spazzing out over there worrying about me.

    Hmm but it would also feel good to have a little intellectual space here to make my own decisions and muse freely about what would feel good for me specifically.

  130.  #130Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Emerson – “it’s hard not to be attached to the outcome” … how about tweaking this thought when you notice it to

    “yay an opportunity to PRACTICE not attaching to the outcome… !!! babysteps for me!!”

    i found myself texting/ talking with a guy too much without meeting last nite… like two of them

    i said something like “hey, it feels SO good to communicate with you… and actually i don’t want to text / talk a lot with someone before meeting them… i like in person… and i feel like i want to distance myself here so i don’t get too attached without actually meeting”

    they both moved and talked about meeting. one set a date, the other didn’t and i got off the phone

    another option with texters, is i just don’t answer them. at all. even if they’re like “helloooooo why are you not answering” or something like that. then after a lil while they will call. then i say, oh i don’t really check my texts. i’ve been hard to get a hold of lately, yeah i feel tired of using the phone so much…

    and another reframe –

    it’s effortless to recruit 10 CD’s a week.

    it happens without much time, like automatically, once you get some really great pictures and a feeling message profile without negative stuff up

    they’ll be plenty of men contacting you
    just give them the number – abruptly is fine – saying you don’t like to talk on line.

    some will call.

    then from the ones who call, keep calls to 10 min. tell them – on the second call is fine – you don’t like to talk on the phone so much before meeting someone. it feels better to meet in person and see how it feels.


  131.  #131Senior Lady Vibe on November 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Hello, world. I’m thankful for the little things.

  132.  #132Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    umf i feel kinda beat up now

  133.  #133Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    its ok im practicing

    and i expressed and then it felt bad to read responses and that is totally ok

    and i am so brave for practicing and babysteps

    i intend to heal this

    and i ask for allt he help i need to heal this

  134.  #134Starla on November 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    130: Dariasays:

    umf i feel kinda beat up now

    me too!! what’s up with that?



  135.  #135Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    I wonder what happened with alias girl

  136.  #136Daria on November 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    lk thank you for the yeast pots story that feels powerful magically and wow. also feels comforting and intriguing both

  137.  #137lk on November 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    ~*~WISH LIST~*~

    I want to feel safe

    I want massages & kisses : )

    I want someone to take me for oysters

    I want a new free cell phone; Dad is helping me… thank you, Dad!!! That is great!

    I want a new computer with a big screen & new Ableton Live with no instrument limits really cheap or free.. Ok, i Want one that is nextgen though, not the ones you can get now… I love your desire for the new, though, that is fun & exciting…wow i’ve been having dreams about this — so much fun!! wowww i love it

    I want TVCD to call & ask, “Is there anywhere in you’re neighborhood you’re dying to go on Saturday?” & I can say OYSTERSYESYUM – he txtd last night that he was with friends & would call later…. hmmm….

    I want QTCD to txt & be like, when will you be done with work? meet me here at that time easyfreebabynoplanningsimpleflowing…. wonder if it will be fun enough to accept his invite for Friday as well… I think it will – I want it to be fun!!! : ))))……

    I want CDCD bring me a bunch of fresh, greeenhouse wXed that he helps a friend grow – wow that would be great & fun & i want that!!!!

    I want MathCD to sweep&mop & organize my mail & then also clean my car & change my tires LOL good luck, BXtch hahahaha ohhh I love mathCD he’s good to me wow i really love him, i’m thinking of the million things he’s done for me – wow, i feel overflowing

    I want smooth skin, shinylong hair, softsweet breasts, openoceanbreathing hips — I want longrelaxed muscles — I want healthy voicebreathteeth

    I want men who travel for me, give to me, share with me, embrace me, know me, accept me

    I want economy & abundance

    I want my own space & I want to feel connected

    i want paintings of trees yes i want poems yes i want flowers & massages & water & fruit & vegetables & herbs & spices YES that’s what i want wow that sounds amazing

  138.  #138mali on November 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    WOAH… feeling so triggered, and I wanna cry. I’m scaredI’mscaredI’mscared, so SCARED.
    All these guys wanting to get to know me better, potentially dating… and my parents.
    What if they found out I was dating?
    Or what if any of these guys knew people my parents know? What if they mentioned?
    Eeeek, I love my fear. I LOVE ME. I don’t wanna be scared 🙁
    Feeling like a child. And I’m hugging me.

  139.  #139Lilybelly on November 14, 2011 at 1:57 pm


    If I am remembering correctly, you haven’t met yet, right?

    This is exactly the reason why I don’t do text/email imaginary relationships. It can get us into his head and out of ours lickity split.

  140.  #140lk on November 14, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Daria, I was interested in that story too – i was driving & it felt like flying & that image came to me & it was like the morning was telling me the story WOW i love to receive stories like that where i feel the clouds & sun are dancing to show me

  141.  #141Daria on November 14, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    starla – this feels scary to write and not just withdraw and i want to give this expressing experiment some action right now…

    i felt defensive and shocked reading about ‘it would feel nice to have a little intellectual space ‘

    i felt like horrified and ashamed and then defensive and angry

    i am now practicing stopping here and holding back on writing explanations and my thoughts

    im feeling SCARED! to write this! it would feel so much more comfortable to drop this

    ack im feeling scared im now feeling vulnerable and now it will feel bad once i read the response… i feel like im bracing for it

    i feel so frustrated and helpless to not know magic words to share when im upset without triggering women

    somehow with men i feel so much safer and mroe sure of myself and also not so interested in how they respond

    and sometimes they do say i come off harsh, though mostly 99% soft

  142.  #142Daria on November 14, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    *now it will feel bad once i read the response…

    correction. i feel afraid of this. this was actually a thought not necessarily real

    im feling all lost now, is that a thought or what

    well i love me

    i really want to run far away from this mentally now

  143.  #143lk on November 14, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    i’m feeling scared of me explaining my stories or people thinking i’m crazy…. i don’t feel special or magical, i feel inspired but yes i do feel magical & amazed! there is magic yes i know that

    & you can’t give magic away & you can’t ask for it – you can only receive it……

    i feel scared. i think i hear someone crying in the building like womansobs & there are no children, so it can be nothing very casual to make tears from grownwomanatwork. i’m scared.

    i’m scared of men. i’m scared of feeling weak & small.

    ok, i’m not small! i’m bigger than the universe! lol that feels good : )

  144.  #144Daria on November 14, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    oops had my phone on silent and now im filled with calls

  145.  #145Daria on November 14, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    oops one of the cd’s i thought i was talking to was actually a diff cd!

    ack gota change the name on the date in my shcedule


    it feels challenging to keep track since i came back to cali

    it felt so EASY before!

  146.  #146Starla on November 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Daria, it did feel like really harsh and controlling and like *i* was getting beat up, so i feel fascinated that the beat up feeling washed back over onto you, either from me or just in general, i’m not sure.

    Anyway, yeah, that space thing i said, i meant it…it would feel lovely! i’m so sorry you’re feeling defensive. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve known you for so long that I know you are not trying to hurt me or anything, and I really want to give room for your defensive feelings and trigger processing and all that good stuff. So don’t be scared with me:).

  147.  #147lk on November 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    wow i think i dreamed that sound – maybe it is my own woman doing a little venting off in a corner LOL

    ummm…. i’m curious to see what QTcd does with me… since i got turned off & leaned wayyyy back in the conversation about gifts….. & I haven’t responded to his txt this morning…. if he doesn’t txt me soon, we won’t have a meeting place or anything! wow that’s funny to me : )

    I will go to boulder when I want to &…yes, i will probably txt him when i arrive…… i think i will ?

    hmmm i guess i’ll see how i feel about it at the time. I can’t wait to go up to boulder for the evening! fun!

    i’m getting the weird punishing vibe again i think…. or testing vibe…. like, i just thought to myself, “oh lahdeedah I think i won’t wear makeup on this date.” LOL what a jerk i am! that’s like the guy deciding to wear his pjs out to dinner. BAD LK no testing! no punishing! you don’t have to wear makeup but don’t do it to/for him LOL sillybaby

  148.  #148Daria on November 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    I have another Cd for tomorrow at lunch 🙂

  149.  #149Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Whoa, Rori’s husband! Not just an imaginary guy – he’s a real guy! My mind is officially blown. 😉 lol

  150.  #150Daria on November 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Thanks Starla . I feel glad that you are there for me. ((((Starla))))

    it feels icky to me like… im feeling blamed for your not having that space

    i feel guilty

    and then i feel defensive

    and i don’t want to feel responsible for the space thing

    i feel angry !

    and super tight in my chest

    it’s not my responsibility. anyone here can take space by not reading what they don’t want.


    i dono whats going on there

    i got off the feeling message wagon wow intense

    but im getting visions of all different people in my past so that means im healing this




    this feels like being constipated

  151.  #151Daria on November 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    im feeling this tingly feeling all around me around my skin like in my aura

    and im feelingg like my heart is tight and hard

    and like a sadness

    and headdropping ness

    i wonder what hormones are moving ?

    i love myself

    i am healing

  152.  #152lk on November 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    I’m feeling scared of women now too…. hmm… that is a really old, deep one – like, the women want to take all my love ! the women say i’m a slXt & a wXtch!!! wow that’s scary… I’m imagining them talking to their husbands & wanting to destroy me & laughing in their hearts when they see my skin dirtyexposedbleeding & my childrencrying…. wow that’s old & amazing & i’m moved by their fear too….

    i feel almost proud & i think of my son watching my still body & how he wants to be stronger than the world now. hmmm there is some magic in martyrdom….. like destroying what you fear makes the thing you feardestroy stronger actually… wow

  153.  #153lk on November 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm


    I’m feeling a scaredsinking this whole day….. very very scared actually – very buzzy, very sickfeeling…. i am mad at myself for having a job at a desk. i’m angry – this is bXllshXt. hmmmm…….. ok……… well i’m moving through my life…. & this is this moment. i’m still mad. you aren’t helping me…. ok…… i’m really mad. you can’t help me. lol… you’re a baby…. awwwbabyyyyyy you’re cute hahahaha who made you cry LOL there are no problems you could possibly have, ok baby?? ohhhh cute : )

    wow, talking to myself makes me feel better, but i sound like a lunatic lol….

  154.  #154Starla on November 14, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    “it feels icky to me like… im feeling blamed for your not having that space”

    and then I’m feeling blamed for you feeling icky!

    i feel this way with lots of sirens on this board. then it’s like chicken and egg problem, and nothing goes anywhere. i do this with men and friends too. it’s like a stalemate, and it seems like the focus is over whose feelings are worth something and who needs to lay down and beg for forgiveness lol.

    though that is a bit more dramatic than the conversation me and daria are having, lol. thank goodness. i am hormonal as sh*t (but not as bad as i used to get cuz my period comes on time now weee) and feeling all hot in the face and chest. and then i get cold and have to bundle up inside my office. lol. i can’t wait to leave in 1.5 hours. i’m gonna work out and dance and give my hormones a run for their money.

  155.  #155Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Mel, I feel like responding to your concerns about when Architect will introduce you to his kids. I think that’s a totally normal feeling to have – the insecurity of not knowing when.

    It sounded to me like, when you described your “first time” with him, that you were expecting it would happen sooner, rather than later, after you slept together.

    So perhaps in your mind, that was an unconcsious expectation that you had – that becoming physically intimate would mean (for him) that your relationship was “serious” enough to have him introduce you to his kids. Clearly, that wasn’t what was on his mind.

    But there’s no reason that you have to suffer or wonder, or feel insecure. Although now that you have progressed to the physical, you probably feel it means more for you, too. (((hugs)))

    I wonder if there is a way you can ask him what his intentions are around that without sounding blamey or needy or like you “need” that for validation. You already know you have a great relationship. But maybe you want to know so that you can prepare yourself for the introduction as well. Maybe you can just ask him more about what his kids are like, and say you’d like to meet them some time, when he’s ready. Or ask him if he’s open to a discussion about introductions to family. If he says no, then no. But maybe he’s just not sure how or when to bring it up, either. I might be wrong, but I think speaking up about your concerns isn’t necessarily the same as “rowing the boat.” You can still let him have the oars. you just might be pointing out a rock that’s at some point going to be in the way….

    Sorry, I always write such long messages.

    It always makes me feel happy and relaxed that you are doing well. I know you can handle this with him, too! 🙂

  156.  #156Mel on November 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Thanks Tiffany! I appreciate the time you took to tell me your thoughts. I think I like your approach.

    Honestly, it’s probably because not too long ago he made a comment about not liking me having to “sneak out” before his kids came home… and that we should discuss that. But nothing’s happened in that regard since. In the grand scheme of things, that was only like a week ago! lol so I know I was just feeling a little impatient this morning. Something like a kid introduction is a big deal and not to be rushed.

    I like how you mentioned showing a sincere interest in them. This is a good approach, I think. I really adore kids!

    Thanks for your perspective! 🙂

  157.  #157Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    This man….he SAYS things to me. He is like a FORCE that WORKS on me. I’m not sure how much he knows that he’s doing it, and how much it is him just being himself. A little bit of both, I guess. I LOVE his intensity. I wonder if I could handle that much intensity in my life every day? Don’t I need someone to make me laugh? Someone to relieve the pressure? Someone to balance off the intensity I know I carry around with myself and bring with me everywhere? I guess that’s why I LIKE him so much. His intensity matches my own. It makes me feel challenged, and normal, or at least SEEN. It is like he sees through to my center, every time, regardless of what kinds of barriers of smokescreens I think I’ve devised to divert people from the truth. He always sees things. It inspires me. I love the challenge, to CREATE myself, to BE better, more myself. Not to please him. But because I know that what he SEES is me. And if I’m not hiding it from him, I am not hiding it from anyone. The only person I am hiding it from is myself. The only person who is suffering from the lack of me is myself. And by extension, I am cheating EVERYONE ELSE out of WHO I AM.

    Ok, I get it. I am doing that. I am the “lady in the tower” (Carol Allen style). I am hiding myself from the world, waiting to be “found” and brought out. But I’m basically afraid of the light, I’ve been in there so long.

    I am trying to train myself. To take little tiny baby steps at a time. To get comfortable with exposure.

    Doesn’t he get that? Why doesn’t he get that? Why doesn’t he get that he’s a part of it? He gets so much.

    I watched “Tangled” recently on netflix. I should go and watch it again. The story reminds me so much of me…the controlling witch mother, who keeps the daughter in the tower, making her believe that it’s the only place that’s safe, and the outside world is dangerous. When she escapes with the man, the girl’s moods swing suddenly from being exuberant and excited at her freedom, and the next moment she is crying and worrying about how her mother will feel. It reminded me of me SOOOO much. That’s EXACTLY how I feel, so much of the time. I cried when I watched that movie.

    How can he ever understand something like that?

    Can anyone?

    Can anyone be there – like the man in the movie – to watch me go through these bizarre moods, and just accept me for who I am, without judging? To help me on my journey instead of just wishing me luck? I wish I had someone like that. I want someone like that. Who will love and want me for me. But who will want my freedom more than he wants me for himself.

  158.  #158lk on November 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Kind of getting like, pffft ok QT, why do you not contact me to make this plan work?? lol…. but i want him to txt meeeeeeee i don’t want to make up an answer to his weird thingggggg blahhhh

    ok, i’ll go up & txt when i get there, just say, “i’m in boulder : )” hahahaha ggbaby that’s good. he’s going to think you’re a nutter, which you are actually so that’s good too LOL

  159.  #159Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    …in the movie, the girl had a very simple goal: she wanted to see the lights. I wonder what are the lights that I want to see? What is my simple goal? What is the one desire of my heart?

    I’ll have to think on this. And I’m almost afraid to.

    Because I know that when I know what I want, all the forces of the Universe will conspire to bring me where I want to go.

  160.  #160Starla on November 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    i wish i didn’t have to have oral surgery on wednesday. CF offered to come over and wait on me hand and foot. it was so sweet. the last time i had surgery, i was with “My Guy” to whom selflessly helping others didn’t come very naturally. Anyway, that experience felt really awful, especially when he blew me off when i was in awful pain, to go play video games with his friends.

    i thanked CF for the offer and said i reserved the right to not have him over because i would be swollen and really really bitchy cranky (something he’s never seen before) from crashing off the nitrous gas, so it would not be my finest hour. And he said he wants to see me in all my hours, fine or not, and help me because he cares for me.

    that feels so sweet to know

  161.  #161Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    @Mel, no problem! I’m glad it helped 🙂

  162.  #162Mel on November 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    “Because I know that when I know what I want, all the forces of the Universe will conspire to bring me where I want to go.”

    157: Tiffany, that really touched me. And it’s true.

    I think I’m finally starting to figure out what I really want. And it’s a little frightening, but invigorating too!

  163.  #163April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    How can I know if what I say I want, or dream I want, is what I really want?
    Aaaaagh. It’s a mind-tangling question.

    All I can say is that I want what feels good from moment to moment.

  164.  #164Camille on November 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Just catching up on the blog…and feeling like I would like to comment on meeting “the children”.

    When I was single and dating I had my own rule. That I would not introduce people to my children that I was dating purely due to the complications to the children on so many levels.

    I met some men that I wouldnt have minded my children knowing at all, but while we were dating I did not introduce them or bring them to my home.

    I did introduce them to “T” when I knew he was going to be a part of my life.

    I just want you to know that it had nothing to do with the kinds of people I met or anything about them personally it was just for the emotional and physical feeling and well being of the children.

    Even people that I thought would be great friends and wouldnt be harmful if my children knew them…I wouldnt introduce if we were dating.

    I dont know if this helps at all….but thought maybe a perspective from the side of having children would help.

    I have always had a good feeling when you have talked about architect guy….dont know why…..just do. and I felt compelled to tell you this part of my story.

  165.  #165Starla on November 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    i wish i didn’t have to have oral surgery on wednesday. CF offered to come over and “wait on me hand and foot.” it was so sweet. the last time i had surgery earlier this year, i was with “My Guy” to whom selflessly helping others didn’t come very naturally. Anyway, that experience felt really awful, especially when he blew me off when i was in awful pain, to go play video games with his friends.

    i thanked CF for the offer and said i reserved the right to not have him over because i would be swollen and really really b*tchy cranky (something he’s never seen before) from crashing off the nitrous gas, so it would not be my finest hour. And he said he wants to see me in all my hours, fine or not, and help me because he cares for me.

    that feels so sweet to know

  166.  #166Starla on November 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Mel, my mom introduced me to a lot of guys she was dating for a few months. a lot. i wish she hadn’t.

    Architect is a good father. And thank goodness. Cuz I’m fairly certain it really effed with me and my little head.

  167.  #167Ella on November 14, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Totally into me guy from POF who has been blazing up my phone for the last 5 days, and who I am due to meet for a first date tomorrow has not been in touch at all today.

    He said he would send some pics to my e-mail and they would be there in the morning when I woke up today (nothing there) and the phone has been silent all day.

    His last text message to me was ‘Sleep tight gorgeous! xxxxx’ last night.

    Hmmm. I don’t care too much, has been far too much else going on…

    Apart from I feel a bit baffled.

    And kinda ‘sigh’ like can any men actually ever step up.

    And he was the one who made a BIG deal of being a ‘real’ man and keeping his word etc.

    I feel dishearted slightly.

    Maybe there is some genuine reason and he will be in touch tomorrow.

    Or maybe he sent the pics to the wrong e-mail add with a message like what do I think and is waiting for me to reply.

    Who knows.

    And I just feel a bit rough and going through the wars in my life in general atm, and would love some support and consistency from a man.

    Oh well I can give that to myself.

    Have been on the phone to debtline all day making a plan to sort my debts and discussing possible options including bankcrupy.

    I feel a bit ashamed and very tense.

    And I feel grateful to have a plan and actually some solid steps I can take to resolve this situation.

    Been speaking to my Mum tonight.

    It was really hard. I felt like a failure and kept using tools to prevent from kicking off and bursting into tears or shouting when I got triggered, and I did it using FMs and we came off the phone calmy at the end, and it feels a lot better than usual when I talk to her about this very tense feeling situation.

  168.  #168April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Mel and Tiffany,

    I hope I didn’t interrupt the flow of your conversation.
    It’s just that you brought up a major topic for me;
    WHAT DO I REALLY WANT? This is huge.

    I’m new on this blog (today) and feel so excited to connect with you. I feel embarassed as if I have blundered in on your exchange. I feel so eager, almost desperate to be included, but I’m afraid I’m not sure I have the boundaries in place for when to hold back and when to come forward.

  169.  #169April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm


    Do you mean that a man you have never met is texting you “goodnight gorgeous”?

  170.  #170April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    I’m really trying to stop myself writing this…
    But curiosity is winning.
    What is POF?

    (cowering with shame here. It’s obviously something obvious…)

  171.  #171April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Looks like it’s just me on here now.

    What fun!

    I’m actually leaning way too far forward trying to get a GIRLFRIEND!!!
    I feel desperate for some girltalk.

  172.  #172April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm


    feeling giggly.

    Giggling with me!

    Wish I had a playmate.

    I’m going to have a bath and go to bed now.
    And try to write about my man problems tomorrow.
    Where to start…..


  173.  #173April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    Maybe other people’s comments are just not showing up on my computer. Everyone else’s, yes. Just not mine.

    Feel like you’re all conspiring with your silence.

    Don’t be scared … I’m deadly. I mean, friendly

  174.  #174April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    okay, okay,

    I give in. My name’s not April Rose.
    I made it up.
    Thought it sounded feminine and soft.

    Like I truly am in my heart

  175.  #175April Rose on November 14, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    This really is my last remark.
    I’m off to bed to get a good sleep. I need to be deeply refreshed in order to do my best writing on my love life situation, which I am sure you’re all deeply curious about, now that we are so well aquainted.

    Lots of Love

  176.  #176Ella on November 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    April Rose,

    Re 166,

    I do indeed mean that.

  177.  #177MacKenzie on November 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm


    When I read your posts, I still can’t help feeling bad that you are spending time and energy wondering about Him. It would be better if it was the other way around. Even asking him about certain things feels like leaning forward to me. I feel like you are waiting and wondering and feeling a little confused sometimes and maybe a little anxious..wondering what is going on. It’s not supposed to be like that. The guy should make you feel so special that you don’t have to wonder. I would be interested in what the other Sirens have to say but I feel like the guy should be so enamored with you there isn’t any room for doubt in your mind. I wish for you a guy that you don’t have to say that you are waiting for him “to step up” because he has already stepped up…from the very beginning. So much of what you say about him sounds so good so I feel confused as to why you are still left wondering things. Unless like FW said you aren’t sure yourself what you want. I feel bad that you have to wonder about him though. I don’t know if it is your stuff or his stuff but I wish for you a relationship where there is no wondering. Maybe I’m just sensitive because I was stuck in a relationship for so long with feelings like yours and I don’t want you to be stuck there. The guy adored me but it was never going to be more than that. It seems like guys either feel like you are “the one” from the start or they don’t…unless you were total friends and then one day it changed. But either way there should be fireworks for the guy from the beginning and it’s their job to charm US. Does that make sense?

  178.  #178MacKenzie on November 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    April, I just saw your post. POF is Plenty of Fish…a dating site :-). Don’t feel weird…sometimes no one is here to respond 🙂

  179.  #179Mel on November 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm


    Thanks for that!

    I think it’s just my “stuff.” Remnants from a marriage where I was always left wondering. Where I had to fight for attention, where I did not value myself. Sometimes these feelings creep in… as I heal myself.

    Architect man has done nothing except be an absolute perfect step-up gentleman that spoils me rotten. I know I have nothing to worry about here. And like the mothers on here have pointed out, I am also very aware of how important it is to keep the feelings of the children protected. As I said earlier, I would actually be concerned if he had wanted to introduce me too quickly. This is a good thing.

    Sometimes logic and the fearful past-hurt part of the brain collide. But My good sense and personal growth is winning out here.

  180.  #180Aurora Girl on November 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Hi April
    whatever your names is, is ok….lol in fact I’ve changed mine a time or two….I know you’re off to bed and maybe you’ll read in the morning…but welcome……I haven’t had a chance to exchange with you yet and that’s ok…..I come here when I can….kinda land where ever the conversation is….try to pipe in if I have something to say…and then float off again…..mother of three, dating long distance, full time job….lol full life….but always something to learn here and always love to send love…….and sprinkle sparkling faery dust of good vibes……i love that stuff….. 🙂

  181.  #181Lizka on November 14, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    I keep thinking about P. Everything remind me of him! He still haven’t call me. On Friday he said we would see each other. Please P do what you said. I don’t want to feel desappointed!

    But I’m still leaning back (3 days now! wow!!!) and I feel able to lean back a little more. Tonight one of the guy from dating site I talked yesterday asked me to come on MSN for chat. Sweet. And tomorrow, I have a date (not too sure it’s really a date thought) with E. So I have at least 2 more days of leaning back because my focus is on something else.

    Please please P, surprise me while my focus is somewhere else! I want to be surprise by you, not by some random guy from dating site!

    I miss him really really badely. My heart aches. I’m gonna go wash the dishes so I think of something else until my MSN meeting with maybe-future-CD. Oh my first real CD maybe :)I feel proud. But I more feel like I miss P and like I’m cheating… I’m not cheating, he’s not calling…

  182.  #182Mel on November 14, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    April Rose,


    What do you really want? It’s a scary thought isn’t it? Because you (and I) can really, truly have whatever our hearts desire.

    I think, what I’m learning is that sometimes what we really want requires a little risk of the heart. The willingness to stare in the face of rejection or failure and throw a little caution to the wind. I’m also trying to surrender to “what is” and just live moment to moment. As you may have gathered, some days I’m more successful than others. But that’s what this blog is her for, right?

    I’d love to chat if you’re still around! 🙂

  183.  #183MacKenzie on November 14, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Mel, I’m so happy to hear that. And, I am like you in that regard. I used to tolerate bad behavior and pine for love and attention from the wrong men so I’m really sensitive to that. Rori has turned my life around in that regard and now I also have a man who adores me and spoils me and who “rows the boat”. I am still learning though and getting better about accepting it in baby steps. I guess that’s why I was so sensitive to your posts. Let him chase you instead of the other way around :-).

  184.  #184Aurora Girl on November 14, 2011 at 5:10 pm


    I have been reading and just want to say from the other end of the province….way to go chickie! What good things are happening for you…that’s great! I echo the sentiment about children meeting a new love…..I was also and still am cautious…but this right guy….LD….it has evolved beautifully ….no rush….and I echo your sentiment about getting spoiled….when it’s new… takes some getting use to…..I’m glad Mr. Architect is spoiling you……I can relate to being spoiled for the first time in my life now….because LD is totally doing that….he doesn’t stop..

    Rori I am thankful for your post today about the water wheel…….I love the analogy and visual….it helps me receive and give back in ways that fit……my LD told me this weekend why he loves to give to me….he said it’s his way of giving back to me because I’ve opened his heart and made it grow….he feels joy and love and happy and he wants to give back….so he loves and gifts and compliments to no end,….it makes him feel good… absolutely blows me away….what a lovely waterwheel it is…….


  185.  #185Aurora Girl on November 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    and Mel…your comment about your heart and letting go a little…..I came across this saying….and sirens you may have heard it too….

    “Listen to your heart……it knows where it’s going!”

  186.  #186Mel on November 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Hi Aurora Girl!

    Happy to see you on here again!

    I AM really enjoying being spoiled. He enjoys “treating me” as well as spoiling me in other ways. He’s an amazingly attentive lover and I can honestly say that I’ve never had the experience of a guy actually enjoy sex MORE because he was making me happy. But it feels sooooo good!

    Spoiling does take some getting used to. But I’m thankful for the practice! LOL

  187.  #187Aurora Girl on November 14, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    Mel….so glad you’re having this experience….remember some time ago when you moved and took the leap of faith to date again and go for it! It’s great to see you enjoying yourself……one of the things I like about Rori’s work is that learning to feel like a Diva and a siren or a goddess is learning how to be in feminine energy and receive and finally see our self worth……..the right men…..totally love this…..and are drawn to it……and as you say…..want a woman to be happy…… my LD actually calls me the goddess of nutella because he knows how much I love it in the morning with breakfast….to me it’s the most decadent thing to have on my toast because it’s chocolate….and he bends over backwards when we’re together to make sure the coffee is hot, has cream and nutella is close by lol…..I am easy to please really and he loves this little morning ritual…it makes him feel good too!

    ah….life’s little pleasures…..xo

  188.  #188Starla on November 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    i thought some more about what me and fw and daria were talking about earlier about not actively cd’ing v. being exclusive.

    and i guess….no…i don’t want to be exclusive without the commitment i want. not even in practice, if we’re not calling ourselves “exclusive.” No! no no no! I am not jumping off my bridge to the relationship i want, no way!!!!!!!!

    however, I don’t want to have to go to other men to ‘keep me sane.’ because that’s what circular dating is for me…to keep me sane and practicing the tools and feeling desired and wonderful. it would feel good to take care of myself on my own instead of going out with other men. it would feel good to be so busy taking care of myself and living my life that i only have time to really date one man. which i guess leaves room for coffee dates with any other guys.

    i dunnooooo
    my hormones are going weeeeeeeeeeee. i feel happy to be safely at home, unable to harm any innocents

  189.  #189Starla on November 14, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    “Sometimes logic and the fearful past-hurt part of the brain collide. But My good sense and personal growth is winning out here.”

    Ohh Mel, this is so awesome to read. This is what I’m trying to focus on, too.

  190.  #190~ Violet ~ on November 14, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    I’ve given up hope of finding my soul mate. It seems to get harder as I get older.

    I’ve tried Rori’s tools. I just feel like I have no energy.

    I’m sad because I feel like I’ll be alone the rest of my life. Yeah.. I know I don’t ‘need’ a man. I sure as hell wouldn’t mind having one around, though.

    Does anyone have feedback, suggestions, jokes, experiences related to this? I sure would appreciate reading what they are.

    ~ Violet ~

  191.  #191Mel on November 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Hugs Starla!

    This is my new mantra:

    ♪Let it be, let it be
    Let it be, let it be
    Whisper words of wisdom
    Let it be ♪

    Whenever I’m finding myself get all weird and wonder-y, I just tell myself that all is as it should be.

    Look at me being all zen-like! LOL 🙂

  192.  #192Starla on November 14, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    thank you starla for getting me out of work early
    thank you for feeding me first thing in the evening instead of making me wait
    thank you for planning a nice detox bath for me!
    thank you for being gentle with me
    thank you for always being there for me

    awww i feel blessed

  193.  #193LILI 41 on November 14, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Super cool free exercise to pinpoint our patterns in relationships from one of the Art of Love Summit guest speakers’ website:

  194.  #194Lizka on November 14, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    I was not very active on the blog today and I could not read all the posts. Because sometimes, like today, this blog makes me feel sad. I feel sad when I read stories that looks like mine with P. I feel sad to think that I have to meet other guys. I feel sad to force myself not to think about him. But I understand it’s for the good. I know it’s good for me not to think about him and I very hope that he will call me very soon.

    xoxo girls

    I can’t wait to be a siren me too 🙂

  195.  #195Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    133 FW me too…..

  196.  #196Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    I’ve been leaning back and did not contact him at all…but finally OceanCD texted me…regarding our plans for thursday…told me to pick the place…hmm not sure if I want to do that…I want him to pick.
    How bout if I say
    “8 pm is fine, but I’d feel more comfortable if you picked the place…anywhere in XYZ City area is fine with me…”
    What do you think sirens…..

  197.  #197Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    Emerson I tend to say things like I love bowling, skating or broadway. I don’t think that is unsolicited advice.

  198.  #198Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    oh also he texted and I don’t know if I should mention about not wanting to text…but now he’s firming up plans to meet face to face…so maybe I should just firm up the plans in a reply text then if he keeps texting between now and then, I will say something. 🙄
    I feel dumb like I need guidance thru every minutia of conversating with men because my confidence is pretty much zero…I’ve f*&ked it up so much in the past I don’t trust my instincts.

  199.  #199Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    RE 199 I would look for an opportunity on Thursday to say it or to see if I could find out why he prefers texting. He might just be a guy who does not like to talk on the phone or sees it as a business tool.

  200.  #200Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    197 FW ok that sounds good….

  201.  #201Susan on November 14, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    I just did a scary thing. It shouldn’t have felt scary, but I put it off so long that it felt tremendously scary. I told Sweet Man I want love. He was quiet for a moment… and then answered that he does too. Nobody actually said those three words, but we were both thinking it.

    Now I’m sitting here wondering how I got to be such a wuss about making a statement like that… Of COURSE I want love!

  202.  #202Daria on November 14, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    My green bills are at the house do you have money we can use to get pho?

  203.  #203Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Susan do you know what you need to feel loved? Also do you know what he needs to feel that way?

  204.  #204Daria on November 14, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Daria wants pho. No compromise!

    It’s the Daria movie.

    Maybe Mo my taxicab friend can take me

  205.  #205millie on November 14, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    I have a question for all you sirens out there….
    I broke up with a man I was very much in love with about six months ago out of frustration. I didn’t feel I was getting what I needed. Looking back and reading Rori’s book/blog, I feel like my “mistakes” (overfunctioning, leaning forward, being demanding, being exclusive when we hadn’t talked about a future) not only pushed him away, but made us both miserable. We have talked and seen each other since the breakup, so we are on speaking terms. I feel responsible for “ruining” (I say that in quotes because I don’t have control over him obviously) my part of the relationship and I want to acknowledge and share with him that I don’t like how I was behaving. My question is do I talk to him about this? I’d like to do it in person, but I feel weird asking him to meet me for a “talk” at this point. Or..should I just never bring it up and just lean back and let nature do its work?

  206.  #206Susan on November 14, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    RE: 203: Femininewoman says:

    “Susan do you know what you need to feel loved? Also do you know what he needs to feel that way?”

    I think it is the same for both of us. It would mean surrender. Opening and letting the other person in with no guarding. That is hard for both of us.

  207.  #207Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    204 DARIA
    pho sounds goooodd…..I love pho too 😀 😀

  208.  #208Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    Susan I like your new picture

  209.  #209Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Starla – #160 That sounds so sweet! 🙂

    I say, let him help you! But good for you for “reserving the right” to say no. You deserve that if you really don’t want to be left alone, and he can help you later. But still. So cute that he wants to see you “at all hours.” yay!

  210.  #210Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    Rori and Jeffrey are such a cute couple, aren’t they???

  211.  #211Susan on November 14, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    RE: 207: Emerson says:

    “Susan I like your new picture”

    Thanks! It is a star anise. I love perusing cooking sites and liked it the moment I saw it.

  212.  #212Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 7:56 pm


  213.  #213Daria on November 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Omg I want to type this

    Other irrational ideas.

    People are fragile and should never be hurt. This irrational belief results in failure to openly communicate important feelings, and in self-sacrifice that gives up what is nourishing and pleasurable ( Farquhar and Lowe 1974). Because everything u want seems to hurt or deprive someone else, you feel frustration, helplessness , and depression. Relationships become full of dead space where conflicts developed and nothing was said to resolve them.


    Now transferring it to my dad

    Now men period.

    Fuck a ducky

  214.  #214Femininewoman on November 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Susan can I encourage you to read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I got it from the library and it helped me a lot to figure out which love language I have and it is now easy for me to share that.

  215.  #215Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    April Rose #168 – Don’t worry!

    This is a public blog, and you are totally welcome to join in the conversation.

    In fact, I am happy if something I write sparks a feeling in someone else. 🙂

    We’re all here to work through our stuff together. Welcome!

  216.  #216Daria on November 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    Actually life IS fair. Who said its not fair? That doesn’take sesnse

  217.  #217Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Correction #208 – I meant “if you really want to be left alone” 🙂

  218.  #218Daria on November 14, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Susan what does your ideal lifelong relationship feel like?

  219.  #219Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    I like that Lao Tzu quote. someone posted it here, but my friend also had it on her FB recently:

    “In your heart, you know who you are, and you know what you want.”

    I may have quoted it wrong, but I just love that. I love the reassurance that I *do* know who I am and what I want, even if I am not willing or able to acknowledge it right now. If I stripped down all the barriers, the truth is that I already know what’s there.

    It’s kind of cool. 🙂

  220.  #220Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    I feel curious. I wonder who I am and what I want?

    That makes me feel giggly. tehee!

    Like so many possibilities.

    But there is really only ONE possibility.

    That possibility is ME

    I am who I am.

    I DO know what I want.

    But I may have forgotten.

    Darnit, I know I left it around here somewhere… 😉

  221.  #221Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    I’ve been letting myself cry today and I feel a lil bit better…I’m taking the day off tomorrow to process everything I’m dealing with right now…and maybe find a counselor

  222.  #222LILI 41 on November 14, 2011 at 8:19 pm


    Yey (((Emerson)))!
    Giving yourself some love and attention by doing what it takes to take care of yourself. You’re on your way to healing. xox

  223.  #223Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Thanks LILI…I get in these spirals and it’s really bad…
    It goes from bad to worse…and I think it’s because I stuff things down for the job I have…I see a lot of tragedy where I work and people in very hard situations…and it sometimes all comes pouring out once I have a day off and I have to let it out… the people that are in my life must think I’m crazy

  224.  #224Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    I want to feel passion with the person I’m married to…not just “meh”….

  225.  #225Butterfly wings on November 14, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    Hugs Emerson

  226.  #226Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    thanks Butterfly

  227.  #227Butterfly wings on November 14, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    I finally heard from TH and that was after almost 24 hours of leaning back and letting him process my last email.

    He’s taken a babystep forward and invited me out on Friday night.

    I already have plans that night (!) but asked if I could join him a bit later. I thanked him for the offer and said it meant a lot to me.

    We still have a way to go, but this is a teeny step forward – and i feel good that he DID actually listen to me!

    Of course we also have more stuff to talk about, and I’m sure that’ll happen in the next day or two.

    Still leaning back though!! :))

  228.  #228bringinsexyback on November 14, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    when i think of the vulnerability of love i feel sadness because when i was there i felt love pouring on me and then i was decieved its the most sadest feeling even more than any other feeling..i hope that i will be able to heal from this pain but i feel very resistant at times and i also feel confused..why didnt that love turn out how i wanted to? especially when i felt so inlove….its awful.

  229.  #229karyn on November 14, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Hi Rori –

    Thank you so much for your insightful, beyond intelligent, beautiful advice!

    I am in a tough spot and wanted your advice.

    I have been with a wonderful man for a year and a half and he has asked me to marry him. I love him and said yes.

    He is divorced and has a child. He is an airline pilot and I am a flight attendant, which makes spending time difficult.

    I have less days off because I am junior. He has been there many years and has more days off. Anyway to make a long story longer, he constantly chooses to spend time with his daughter over me. This month I will only see him twice in passing when we are working and he will spend 17 days with his daughter.

    This is not enough for me.

    What should I do?

    Many thanks and much love,


  230.  #230lk on November 14, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    first i just want to not feel scared like someone wants to kill me or eat me lol…..

    let me get back in the safe zone…..

    if only if only if only MathCD would clean my effing floors & do the mail… i feel embarrassed saying those things…. it’s not that i don’t clean my floors or open mail, just that it’s hard to do it & i make piles of mail for later filing/sorting… anyway, i hate all of it & i want a slave lol to do my bad chores : )


  231.  #231fernanda on November 14, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    My ax and i broke up 3 weeks ago, i moved out a week ago, so far he has come to see me 3 times (even if its for 15 min) and he talks to me everyday, not as before but he stays in touch. this weekend i told him i was going to key west and he got upset and stopped replying, later that night he messaged me and was acting aggresive and i asked him about it and he says it hurt him that he felt that i’m moving on, he came by the next day and i can tell he misses me by how he randomly touches me or hugs me etc,and he says for his birthday he wants to be with me at midnight so i can be the first person to wish him a happy birthday, i messaged him today asking him if he’s moving on, and he said “not with anyone specifically” , i asked what he meant and he said that he isnt talking to anyone, he just wants to be alone when it comes to a relationship, so i said well what you said about us hanging out and seeing how things go is that out the window? and his answer was “yes. i told you we need time and space”……he ignored me all day and then text me saying he was happy i understood him that all he wants is time to see how it goes, even after ignoring me all day before he goes to bed he thinks of me …help me get him back please

  232.  #232lk on November 14, 2011 at 10:00 pm


    just had date w QTcd —- ummmmmmm…….. his humor – it’s so —- defensive – it’s such a barrier — it’s such a mask — it’s so………. anyway. i tried to express that a couple times actually, like “Hey actually i feel confused a lot if you’re kidding or not… i might want to have a safe word with you, what do you think?” but he still confused me anyways.

    1 thing that was good is we were being so open about sxx/bodies whatever & i told him that i haven’t shaved in a billion days LOL…. he thought it was funny, i wasn’t embarrassed.

    I’m trying to remember how i used to judge women who didn’t shave as like lazynotsexy.. lol… i feel good right now! whatever. i’ll think about it later.

    also, i told him how i want gifts & i showed him things that i want for gifts & i told him my list of things i want as gifts (add wasabi powder & bellydancer pants to the list LOL)….

    there was a thing that i was trying to do… i let him pay for drinks, easy – then we went to dinner &… the bill came, he moved superquick… then i got guiltyfeeling, was like, want to split it? he says, do you want to split it? I say, no. he says, ok i will pay then. & i did say, it feels more like friends to split it than dating. then he says, well i invited you out before & then tries to convince me that I asked HIM out for the third date! so i just laugh, i’m like no, i’ll wear a dress maybe, but you still have to pay… then i’m like, i’ll shave my legs even maybe! then he’s like, shave everything? i’m like, no, you have to pick 1 thing for me to shave LOL what a silly boy…

    then he did kiss me outside my car…. i didn’t like it really. felt like i was kissing a middleschooler, but it was ok… then when i was driving, he called to chat & did say something – i couldn’t hear, said “what” – he repeated I go, “ok” still couldn’t hear & just hung up.

    whaaat? lk?!? you just hung up on him? yeahhhh weird, i know… so he calls back & he’s like, “I said you’re a great kisser” ewwwwwwwwyuck

    ok, so we’re going out Friday. he can do whatever. i’ll go & be cuteopennicesweetgirl haha….

    just chatted with TVcd… a little boring… i was like i’m feeling really sleepy but saturday does sound good & you can just tell me what you want to do because actually i don’t want to make the plans… he laughed & said yes he will call me with plans. hmmm

    feel bored & sleepy & ready to have some great dreams

  233.  #233Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    I think men are very hypnotic….

  234.  #234Tiffany on November 14, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    They can put us in a trance, just by being men.

    But then, of course, that’s exactly what we do to them as women, right?

    Because we’re sirens… 😉

  235.  #235lk on November 14, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    i’m really realizing i don’t know what my man will look like or be like or what i really want or need……

    sigh…. i did think i knew some things that were like non-negotiable, but that isn’t feeling true anymore…

    that’s good! that’s open! i like it : )))

  236.  #236lk on November 14, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    I don’t want to have sxx with QTcd i know that – or i didn’t want to tonight….. & i’m pretty sure i won’t want to on friday… but i would love to feel that i’m trying not to have sxx, instead of trying to open myself up to that attraction….

    i do want that intenseclose love — yes i want that & it will feel really good! wow! i love thinking of it : )

  237.  #237Butterfly wings on November 14, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    Actually I didn’t ask – I informed him that I would join him later because I had other plans.

    He replied saying that I asked for what I want but when he offers I say no. I replied saying that my plans were made weeks ago, because in line with what usually happens, I was not expecting any invites from him for that night. I then went on to say that I was both surprised and happy that he had invited me and that I was looking forward to meeting up with him on Friday.

    He’s asked me to wear my new dress that he bought me for my bday. He thinks I look “hot” in it! 😉

  238.  #238Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    I still haven’t replied to Ocean’s text about firming up plans for Thursday…not sure what I want to say yet…
    It’s ok he can wait till tomorrow

  239.  #239R.N.AmazingMe on November 14, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    Well hello Siren Island it has been awhile! So did my ddddrrrruuuuggg test today and my background check is Wednesday then off to work I go. Yay it is so exciting to use my new title. The wierd part is I would be charge nurse most nights and that is hard for me. I just like keeping the peace but also know what it is like to see people not doing what they are supposed to do and the R.N. has to keep the staff in some sort of line. This has to be built up I do believe, respect, is key. You have to earn trust and be thorough and professional while still keeping the atmosphere light. Funny concept, a little nervous but know I am good at what I do. Ok on another note I thought of you today Daria! I was at my parents motorcycle business and my mom and I were pulling in as the pool guy next door at pool provider place was pulling out. I looked at him and he looked and then did a quick doubletake and stared like breaking his neck as he pulled off. I was laughing and told my mom, whoo ooooh he was checking me out lol. It felt good just to be looked at that it would cause that action. Not really my type but it was a fun experience. Wow so it’s been awhile, Where are my lillies at?!! Oh and welcome to you new sirens! When I read someone above said, “I want to be a siren too!” I just wanted to let you know if you made it here your a siren. Getting here is a great start and learning from eachother is how we grow in life and it’s relationships.

  240.  #240R.N.AmazingMe on November 14, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Hi Emerson, why so glum?

  241.  #241~ Violet ~ on November 14, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Sirs and Sirens,

    Please read my comment on 190. I requested feedback and couldn’t find any in the subsequent comments.

    I don’t want to appear ‘needy’. I don’t want to come across the wrong way when I say this. I read paragraphs and paragraphs of feedback to others.

    Not finding feedback made me feel that what I had to say wasn’t interesting enough to warrant acknowledgement.

    Please do not be harsh with me. I’m sad enough as it is.

    ~ Violet ~

  242.  #242Daria on November 14, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    Violet – all I can say is I just kept on trying toros tools and they worked for me, and I kept on even when I felt awful cuz I was used to feeling awful already.

    Eventually I spiraled out of the great depression.

    But I could tell with a curious part of me that wanted this the whole time. So in a way I don’t know how I could stop going once I started. I think you’d have a hard time too trying to stop using the tools. Cuz they are something that works to feel better, even if it’s just a lil bit.

  243.  #243R.N.AmazingMe on November 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    You know I had to call pooolllliiiccee tonight gunshot so dang close scared the living poo outta me. I had to go out and talk to them and explain where I heard it from. Very scary for me because I do not trust my ex basically he just provided the tadpoles.that is not the reason I do not trust him. I do not trust him because he is an alcoholic and very dangerous and I get afraid for my family, kids, and myself. This is a horrible way to live in fear he could be anywhere and do something crazy or dumb. I want it to end, I wish they would lock him up forever he hurts people and women. He is not deserving to be free. Sorry thanks for letting me vent sirens I needed that. I have come so far from all that stuff, I want to forgive myself and move on!!

  244.  #244Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    Hi amazing me RN…aww I feel touched that you would ask me….thank you for caring 🙂

    I get in these funks sometimes where I get really down and pessimistic….especially when guys poof on me and I take it hard. 🙁 It starts to feel really icky and I start to spiral down…and feeling sad about all kinds of things…it just seems to snowball out of control and that’s what I’ve been going thru the last couple days..

  245.  #245R.N.AmazingMe on November 14, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    Violet~ Sorry I missed that, you seem like you have lots of anger. Well your in luck well hopefully maybe we can help one another. I am in the sammmmeeee boat as you first off so know you are not alone. I know I get so sick of people saying you don’t need a man. It’s like duh yes we know this but when your heart is ready and open for that special someone you want it and I feel impatient, like I always say I am going to be the lonely cat lady. You know I mess with comments like that but you know if we keep our hearts and mind open to all not just relationships it opens doors of communication. A type of communication I didn’t think i could handle but am babystepping my way on and it is working. The more I love me and do more for me and feel I really am in touch with what I want in life and in my future husband. So yes I have slowly been working on this as it has been hard for me to get out there and date just not a priority. Even though I want to find my happy ever after, am I available I don’t know…how do u feel?

  246.  #246R.N.AmazingMe on November 14, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Emerson you have to take the poofing as a learning experience what did you get out of it and if he poofed, walk away and love your siren self! Take care of you, remember we cannot say anything wrong to the right man. So open your heart and if they poof back in do not make yourself readily available like they say on here. If they don’t have to work for your love and you just give it to them they know they dont ever have to work for it. Your the prize, You have been through a lot of stuff here and am always listening…XOXO

  247.  #247R.N.AmazingMe on November 14, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    I want to go on a Rori Raye singles cruise…would be so awesome could schedule some mixers for people to talk. There will be dancing, talking, sippin a daquori on the beautiful deck. Shopping, experiences and just a fun time Rori could invite like Marni, CC, EMK, Rori, so fun for married and singles. Come on Sirens so fun!!! i PICTURE A MASQUERADE BALL ALL TOP FORMAL TUX AND BALLGOWNS WITH MASKS BEAUTIFUL ONES BRING ONE AND AT THE BALL YOU CAN MINGLE AND DANCE WITH THE MASKED FACES AROUND. Like a mystery of who we all …XOXO…i know i am babbling about this it is nice to think about 🙂

  248.  #248R.N.AmazingMe on November 14, 2011 at 11:42 pm

    The lights dark with beautiful soft dance lights the mood set ….every guy has a rose and has the opportunity to give it out or even 2 total, women have the opportunity to accept or decline…i just love it..ok done sounding like a babble mouth…:)

  249.  #249Daria on November 14, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    rargh i feel anger


    i am thinking of Hawkman and it doesn’t feel good right now and i am continuously thinking of him!

    and i want to do the chakra work i was working on but i feel a lil like i don;t feel like doing the effort right now

  250.  #250Daria on November 14, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    i feel like attacking people or stuff


    i wonder whatsup

  251.  #251Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    190 Violet…(((((((((hugs)))))))))

    I’ve been a bit self absorbed today…so I have not been commenting on others too much…
    but I can say that I can totally relate to what you said in 190.

    I can get very blue with the exact same thoughts, actually. I start giving up hope, like I’m just giving myself false hope and there really is nobody out there for me.

    I did not picture myself alone at 40 with so many failed relationships. But I’m trying to learn and not redo the same mistakes that took me to the wrong relationships….

    I’ve had a rough day emotionally…it’s so hard for me to stay optimistic sometimes.

    But I did drag myself out for a bit and practiced some of the tools…and it helped a little…like sinking into my feelings, etc…and letting myself really feel what I was feeling and only then can I cycle past it…

    Hugs to you…and I don’t have any stellar advice, just want you to know you’re not alone..

    Sometimes I feel angry and sad that I’m alone and not with a man/lifepartner/husband/lover/friend of my dreams…

  252.  #252Daria on November 14, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    i can try riffing

    i feel like fuzzyness in the back of my head

    i love the fuzzyness in the back of my head

    and that feels like burping

    i love my burping

    and that feels like

    almost throwing up a little

    i love my almost throwing up a little

    and that feels

    like big breath and sigh

    ilvoe my big breath and sigh

    and that feels like

    tingly nani

    i love my tingly nani

    and that feels like

    closing eyes

    i love my closing eyes

    and that feels like

    wanting to put my feet up

  253.  #253Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    And I’m still feeling piney over on particular CD…that poofed…

  254.  #254Emerson on November 14, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    amazing me thanks for your words…I know it’s not worth pining over and it’s all supposed to be a learning experience, but when I spend time with someone I do get attached and I haven’t been able to break that habit yet…I’m a one guy type of girl and although I’ve learned about CDing and done it too…I still feel like there is always one guy who I really want to be with, and I ‘ll be thinking of him when I’m with the others…
    I haven’t figured out how to break myself out of this yet…
    I used to have so many guys after me for a while…I don’t know why it’s dried up.
    I like what Mel says…that all is as it should be…so it’s ok..

  255.  #255Daria on November 14, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    I just did that

    That feels like tingly foot ESP where I rubbed the arnica wow

    I love the tingly foot

    That feels like tingly bladder

    I live my tingly bladder

    That feels like that awful feeling I got in my heart talk into hawkman

    I love my awful feeling

    That feels like numbness

    I love my numbness

    That feels like tremor


    I love my tremor awfulness

    That feels like pouty lips I love my pouty lips

    That feels like yawn I love my yawn

    That few like closing eye I love my closing eye

    That feels like tingly pulling on feet

    I love my tingly pulling on feet

    That makes me feel like the familiar feeling of oh no outta control numbness damage control act like its not happening

    I love my familiar feeli g

    That feels like yawn and squeeze in chest I love my yawn n squeeze in chest

    That feels like softness in nani

    I love my softness in nani

    That feels like squeezing on ankles

    I love my squeezing on angles

    That feels like huhuh.

    I love my huhuh.

    That feels like yawning

    I love my yawning

    That few like heart squeezing

    I love my heart squeezing

    That feels like sadness

    I love my sadness

    That few like eye wetness and yawn

    I love my eye wetness and yawn

  256.  #256Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:01 am

    mmm my shoulder is aching

    i’ve been watning to go to massage envy again

  257.  #257Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:03 am

    im feelimg so lonely right now!

    and argghh!

    i wonder if my blood is coming

    is this what im healing

  258.  #258Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:04 am

    i am feeling grief!

    and i don’t want to feel it


  259.  #259Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:22 am

    yu know i have needs to

    i need to be romanced

    and i need a buspass

    and i need somenoe to support me int he processes with these bills

    and i need a healing massage

    and i need sleeping

    and i need my teeth to feel happy

  260.  #260Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:26 am

    Daruia is a pretty sleepy princess

    feelin surprised to feel sleepy at this time, im noticing my desire to sleep and being aware of it more

    recovering from some lil sleep a few days past

  261.  #261Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:28 am

    feeling sad ladies

    felt heartbroken on the phone with HAwkman

    mmm feeling sleepy

    i want to feel loved

    im thinking of all these stretches that would feel good to me

    thank you Daria for taking me walking

    and taking me for noodles

  262.  #262Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 12:43 am

    Sorry you’re feeling sad about Hawkman…

  263.  #263Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:46 am

    woo hoo i brushed my teeth and now im basically ready for bed

  264.  #264Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:48 am

    i walked around for an hour and a half with neighbor

    when my sugar was low i would feel so irritable.

    oh wow i just realized i forgot all about feeling so hearbroken iwth tha hawkman thing

    yay healing

    ive been doing 2nd chakra tapping with margaret lynch right now

    on allowing myself to feel my need sand have needs and be needy

  265.  #265Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:49 am

    wow im so good at taking care of my body now

    i feel scared to pick a choice of when to have my bleeding

    i can pick

    ok i pick dark moon then



    it is ok me

  266.  #266Daria on November 15, 2011 at 12:51 am

    i wish tina was here to say more about how she uses evening primrose

  267.  #267Butterfly Wings on November 15, 2011 at 12:57 am

    Eeek! I’m freaking out! I’ve just found out (god I love FB!) that one of the other guys from work will be with the group that TH will be with on Friday night. He doesn’t know about us, and I’m positive he’s NEVER seen me in anything quite like my new little black dress that TH has asked me to wear (the dress he bought me for my birthday).

    Just to give you some background, on the weekend when we had our “fight” (we never really fight as such but it was as close as we can get to one), I told him how I was thinking to myself when he bought me that dress, that it’s unlikely that I’ll ever get the opportunity to wear it because he never invites me anywhere.

    So when he asked me out for Friday, he then suggested I wear that dress because of what I’d said.

    Now with this other guy there, I’m kind of feeling I don’t know…not totally comfortable…. :-\

    He’s online now but hasn’t contacted me. I suppose I’ll just have to wait till I hear from him and express my feelings then…

  268.  #268Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:01 am

    I’m up in the middle of the night (3:45 am-ish) cuz I slept a lot last night. It was a day of rest for me

    New Jersey turned out to be as toxic as they come. He cancelled plans with me for about the 5th time in the 7 months or so that I’ve known him. I took him back in my life the last time only because he pulled a suicide stunt. I knew it was manipulative; yet I saw it as a cry for help. After already ending the friendship once over canceled plans, I thot he got it.

    But he canceled again, and I ended the friendship again, after some feeling messages. From what he said, I Think the real reason he canceled was he didn’t want to drive the 2.5 hours to my house. Or it could have been that plus a combination of fear of intimacy. The reason he gave, and always gives, is that he has things to do.

    He wrote me an extremely toxic, long email, shifting blame at every turn and calling me “coocoo” over and over. After sitting with it for a day to keep its toxic barbs from burying themselves in my tender heart, I wrote him this email:

    Subject: “What any relationship is really about is learning to love yourself” ~ Byron Katie

    Hi Mike,

    I feel heavy hearted and I feel compassion after reading a message full of barbed wire.

    I realize Byron Katie’s words, above, are truer than ever. I feel sad to realize that a person is unable to treat another with true respect and regard until he has established a relationship with himself that is full of respect and regard.

    I send my prayers and compassion.

    My guess is I will get either no response, which is fine, or another caustic one. I just wanted to leave him with some kindness and perhaps some direction to grow. His email was so horrible, I could see his soul is just overflowing with pain. It took me a few hours to get to that point, tho, and past my anger and hurt.

    I feel much more capable to handle this in stride knowing R is back in my life, and there is harmony there! He has my whole heart.

  269.  #269Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:06 am

    Butterfly Wings,

    What would happen if you would take a walk on the wild side? 🙂

  270.  #270Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:07 am

    Caution: Do NOT “Like” “Twilight Giveaway” on Facebook. It has malicious viruses.

  271.  #271Butterfly Wings on November 15, 2011 at 1:09 am

    Esteemed, yep I think you did the right thing by ending that friendship – and I like your last email to him. Hopefully he will take some of that on board. But he might not though – my ex is a perfect example of a man who would never learn.

    As for R, please love and protect yourself first and foremost, so you can clearly see if he really has changed for the better ok?


  272.  #272Butterfly Wings on November 15, 2011 at 1:11 am

    265 Esteemed – You mean wear that dress and strut my stuff?

    I think his eyes would pop out! haha!

  273.  #273Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:15 am

    In other news, the plot thickens with K. I love him, but I am not in love with him, while he is totally in love with me. I don’t have the experience to know how to handle that. I welcome any input.

    I don’t want to completely end it, because I value him in my life. But I just want a friendship, while he is forever trying to draw me into a deeper relationship. Relationships are not static, by nature. So it’s very difficult to maintain a simple friendship. I have set friendship boundaries with him verbally, and, each time I do, he assures me that it isn’t necessary, and that he understands that and accepts that.

    I fear my actions are keeping him hopeful that it will be more than friendship around the bend, just by my act of staying close to him. I cringed when he talked about “coming home” in a couple of years.

    I guess all I can do is ride it out, but I fear for what might happen in the future, when the full reality hits him that he is not going to live with me or be my man. He had his chance as my husband, and he blew it repeatedly.

    What do you think?

  274.  #274Daria on November 15, 2011 at 1:19 am

    i just hit the bottle of evening primrose oil hehe
    and some spilled too and i rubbed that on my face i like how it feels

  275.  #275Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:19 am


    RE: #268 – Yep, strut your stuff! LOL!

    Thanks for your feedback about New Jersey and R. I hung out with R some over the summer, and he was totally healthy in how he related to me! Yes, I still am cautious, but he has clearly grown tremendously since 2009!! I feel so proud of him! He is constantly reaching and growing (while K is not).

    I love R so much!!

  276.  #276Daria on November 15, 2011 at 1:20 am

    i rubbed some on my butt too don’t know if it will maake it bigger like fish oil i read

  277.  #277Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:22 am


    You are another one I feel proud of and admire! You are also continually reaching and growing! You have become a role model to us all! Go healthy Daria!

  278.  #278Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:24 am


    RE: #272 – LOL! Lots of lasagna and cheesecake makes your butt bigger, too! 😆

  279.  #279Daria on November 15, 2011 at 1:24 am

    im sippin on comfrey infusion

    wow i forgot the maca i was gonna take

    my skin is gonna be shiny tomorrow

    feeling sleepy!

    and also feeling kinda disappointed cuz theres so much more fun i could have right now

    doing mroe eft more reading


  280.  #280Butterfly Wings on November 15, 2011 at 1:24 am

    Hmmm… i might put that dress back on later and see how I feel about that dress first! 🙂

    And it WOULD be funny to see his reaction! Hmmm…. I could have fun with this!

    I’m glad things are looking up with R, Esteemed and glad you’re being cautious too.

    Hey, how’s the new house going???

  281.  #281Daria on November 15, 2011 at 1:26 am

    Esteemed – lasagna and cheescake does not make my butt bigger

    step downs of a tall icebox do tho

    last time i did it it took a big toll on my body and i got sick

    so now i want to be a lil more prepared

    with lots of protein to eat immediately and they day after

  282.  #282Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:39 am

    Butterfly Wings,

    I am loving my house! I posted it on FB if you want to see… you could friend me at Spirited M i s t y q. I am hoping that spacing that out like that will keep it from being searchable. But just put the letters together on the second word. I have a picture of the house – it looks like a dollhouse!

    Yesterday I spent a couple hours walking and sitting by the bay with one of my dogs. Then I took the other dog and meandered around the marinas! I was a total tourist! Then I got to walk home and simply take a nap in MY home! It felt so wonderful! I feel so blessed!

    I am 75% unpacked. Tomorrow I’ll sort and hang my clothes.

  283.  #283Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 1:41 am


    What are stepdowns of a tall ice box? You mean walking up and down stairs? Yeah, that’s a far healthier butt-builder than cheesecake and lasagna!

  284.  #284Butterfly Wings on November 15, 2011 at 1:47 am

    Just added you Esteemed. 😉

  285.  #285Daria on November 15, 2011 at 1:49 am

    Wow I had already gotten in bed but I wanted to stretch and I just did my workout rite now wow

    Still having fun even while going to sleep

    I feel you womb.

    Am feeling nice an hot along my backbone now

    Go me

  286.  #286Daria on November 15, 2011 at 1:52 am

    Esteemed I put an ice cooler w a flat top I’m the doorway then step down with one foot till I just graze the ground

    Abt 15 on each side

    Then I stretch the butt a min

    It’s way intense and can knock my body down to rebuild those bush muscles so my immune system is weaker cuz of all the energy attention to the big muscles the next two days.

  287.  #287Daria on November 15, 2011 at 1:52 am

    * those big muscles

  288.  #288Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 2:17 am

    Daria, gotcha.

    Butterfly, thanks, I added you!

  289.  #289Butterfly Wings on November 15, 2011 at 2:20 am

    Awww Esteemed! That is one cute house! xxxx

  290.  #290Izzy on November 15, 2011 at 3:32 am

    @ 82: Femininewoman

    Thanks for sharing. Very true and very challenging.

  291.  #291Mel on November 15, 2011 at 3:38 am

    Another good Lao Tzu quote:

    “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

    FW is always encouraging me to try something different… and it works! Just thought this was a cool quote to remind me that change is good. That being surprised is the best feeling. That good things happen when you adjust your focus…

    Happy blogging today ladies!

  292.  #292Lizka on November 15, 2011 at 4:28 am

    Mel, I’m stealing your quote (287) for my Facebook status!

  293.  #293Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 4:54 am

    @ FW 67: Physically: overfunctioning as in intiating calls and chasing him. Going and dragging him out if his mancave.

    Emotionally: When he pulls away we get angry and resentful so when he comes back for emotional connection our heart is hard or closed down so we cannot be warm and open. When we are together I don’t share how I feel because my heart is closed off, so he cannot connect. He connects with me through my open heart as I am not responding based on what he is doing but how I am feeling.

    Thank you for decoding!! I was really struggling with understanding the emotion part. I know that it takes practice to not be angry and resentful when the guy you really like/love pulls away – how could a woman not have such feelings?? I see taht this is where taking care of yourself comes into play. And is it safe to say that until you are ready to be open and warm to invite him back in that taking care of yourself means to accept the gap in communication? Sure! It allows you to heal and sit with your feelings!!!

  294.  #294Butterfly Wings on November 15, 2011 at 5:10 am

    TH is here and it’s funny because right now I’m still comfortable with the thought of walking away if I want to. And I think he has sensed that too because he’s leaning forward more than ever!

    I like this! I feel like I have my power back, because I KNOW that with him or without him, my life is going to be great! 🙂

  295.  #295Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 5:23 am

    @Violet 190:

    If you’re here on this blog you are not alone. The advice given is insightful and useful.

    Using the words of Daria, first you have to get that thought out your head – you may be alone for the rest of your life. That’s your nasty voice telling you those things.

    I encourage you to first begin the work on yourself. Identify what beliefs and actions brought you to this point. Face and embrace any old trauma that seems to be creeping up. This may be able to get you out your depressed state. Then you will be able to start practicing RR’s tools – believe you me they work! Start with baby steps……things will turn around. As you begin using the tools and applying the advice being shared, you will notice a shift in you and that’s what matters!!

    Also, as you, I felt that sometimes when you ask for advice on here it seems as no one is listening but we are – it just takes a minute for the turnaround and answers to be supplied as I’ve notice some are in different states with different time zones and some are in another country. Just do what you did re-post or ask again…

    These ladies or Sirens are here to help, encourage and support!!! You will get what you need!!!!

    Hold on tight because this journey will be so exciting!!!

  296.  #296Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 5:35 am

    April Rose,

    RE:#170 – POF is Plenty of Fish, the dating site.

  297.  #297Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 5:44 am


    RE: #190 – You said,”I’ve given up hope of finding my soul mate. It seems to get harder as I get older.

    I’ve tried Rori’s tools. I just feel like I have no energy.

    I’m sad because I feel like I’ll be alone the rest of my life. Yeah.. I know I don’t ‘need’ a man. I sure as hell wouldn’t mind having one around, though.

    Does anyone have feedback, suggestions, jokes, experiences related to this? I sure would appreciate reading what they are.

    ~ Violet ~”

    One book that encouraged me a lot around 2004 was “God Is a Matchmaker”, by Derek Prince. He believes he was supernaturally led to his wife, who was about 25 years older than him!! They had 30 wonderful years together, then he was supernaturally led to his second wife, after his first one passed away.

    At that time, I prayed that God would lead me to my Soul Mate, in a more sincere way than I ever had before. My story isn’t yet at its happy ending, but I believe R is my Soul Mate!

    And, if he is, then it makes sense why God would allow me to wait so many years to find my Soul Mate, because R is 15 years younger than me! So when I graduated from high school, longing to marry, R was only 2!

    It will be worth the waiting! I just keep picturing R and me together, doing things together, sometimes even picturing a little baby girl between us, and how joyful R’s face will look as he smiles at our little girl!

  298.  #298Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 5:50 am


    More…I am 47, and many years of loneliness have taken me to depths of pain and loneliness that have felt beyond bearing at times. As I explore Rori’s mind and heart through all she says and writes, and collaborate with the wonderful women on this blog, I am feeling more and more like it is all gelling inside, and all the questions are turning into answers, and all the pain is turning into wonderful joy!

    What I realized is that I LIKE who I am! I have become a strong woman through it all! And I feel amazed to find I don’t resent my singleness anymore! Sure, I still want to be a wife more than almost anything on earth. But I have truly learned to embrace the process! And that process is the one of becoming all that I can be, to know myself, to love myself, to develop myself!

    What do you think/feel?

  299.  #299Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 6:00 am

    @ Esteemed – 294

    That is a wodnerful observation!! I feel the same way regarding my situation and I’m definitely going to check that book out! Thanks for recommending!

    I truly believe that after it’s all said and done God has the last say in who our soulmate is going to be. KR and I have been connected for 15-16 years and I felt the day I met him he was going to be my husband. I also realized that neither of us were ready at taht time and God hadto work on us individually to get us ready for each other.

    I felt a little apprehensive to post things about God and His wonderful blessing of time and being patient because I don’t want to offend anybody. Thank you for sharing!

    From the previous post Tinique posted this:
    Life rarely happens on what we think is our timetable, but it happens at just the right time. Maybe this is your time of revelation.

    And I truly believe that all things happen in God’s time because he has a plan for us all!!

  300.  #300Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 6:00 am

    Violet you are not alone in your dilemma. There are men experiencing the same things also, it is not just us women. Some of us might never get it right but being content with oneself and making the best of who we are what we have might help us live better lives.

  301.  #301Lizka on November 15, 2011 at 6:02 am

    I’ve got a questions for you Sirens, hope You can help me with this one!

    So on this dating site, I was chatting with 2 guys for a few hours last night and the day before. They are both very nice to talk too and they seem pretry interested in me. Both asked me out for a date. Very proud of myself I replied that since I’m new on this dating site, and not feeling too comfortable with this world of blind dates and everything, I don’t feel ready for meeting in person yet. But that I felt happy that he asked and that after 2 or 3 more chat session, I should feel more comfortable.

    But this is controversal, isn’t it? I felt so proud of being able to say NO and send all these feeling messages. I was authentic by the way abd not playing games because it’s true that I don’t want to meet all the guys of the dating site after only 2 hours of chatting! But at the sane time, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I did wrong? I’m not letting him drive the boat by saying “no, but later”. I’m more lowering the sail (can we say that in English?). Am I preventing him (them actually) of leading the relationship?

    What do you think? Next time I talk to them, should I say, if the invitation is still oper, it would feel good to go for a drink with you like you suggested? Or should I leave it like that, lean back and wait for them to send a second invitation?

    Let me know what you think please!

  302.  #302Daria on November 15, 2011 at 6:11 am

    Something in my closet made a loud fall down noise and I woke up.

    Wow I’ve been going to sleep early.


    I’ve been noticing my tiredness and prioritizing rest


    Yay awesome thank you

    Iceberg just reminded me of when I first got this iPod and I felt jealous and confused how other women were typing on their phones legibly. It seemed impossible and now it’s pretty much typical.


  303.  #303Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 6:15 am

    Lizka that was how you were feeling at the time. You were new to the site and don’t feel safe meeting strangers. Until you get a second opportunity/invitation I would encourage you to work on your fear, that’s what I did until I was able to start meeting people from the dating site. They are normal human beings like yourself not monsters. I would agree to meet in a public place where I would feel safe rather than have them pick me up and drop me off.

  304.  #304Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 6:46 am

    From Arielle Ford

    Here are three simple steps to get you on your way:

    1. Acknowledge that it’s okay to love your Ex. In fact, it’s probably impossible to stop loving the ones we’ve loved and cared for. However, you do need to finally accept that they are long gone, not coming back, and it’s time to forgive and let go.

    2. See if you can find a little corner of your heart to place your love for your Ex. When you catch yourself thinking about them, remember to put them back into that little place and focus on the heart traits and delicious qualities of your soon-to-be met NEW soulmate.

    Whatever destiny or karma you once had with your Ex is now complete so give yourself the gift of moving on to some one that deserves you.

    3. Ask yourself these questions: What are the traits and qualities my heart most desires in a soulmate? How do I want feel when I am with them? What will our life together be like?
    Becoming laser clear about who this person is, what they’re like, and MOST IMPORTANTLY what you will FEEL like when you’re with them, is essential to your success in manifesting your soulmate.

    Once you figure this out, and actually integrate this into the core of your being, you will be well on your way to new love.

    Don’t spend a minute wishing you had done any of this sooner, if you could have, you would have. Remember to leave room for divine timing and also be grateful that you are now open and available for the love you’ve always desired.

  305.  #305Susan on November 15, 2011 at 7:11 am

    RE: 216: Daria says:

    “Susan what does your ideal lifelong relationship feel like?”

    I’m not sure I understand the question.

  306.  #306Susan on November 15, 2011 at 7:16 am

    RE: 212: Femininewoman says:

    “Susan can I encourage you to read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I got it from the library and it helped me a lot to figure out which love language I have and it is now easy for me to share that.”

    Thank you, FW. I’ll look for the book.

    Sweet Man acts like he loves me (IMHO) but I don’t want to ASSUME that he does. He certainly is kind and gallant and attentive and fun and affectionate and totally into me. I can’t complain at all about how he treats me, but I do feel him holding back a little. He has acknowleged this (without me bringing it up) and has stated several times that he is afraid to love. I asked him what he is afraid of, and his answer is he is afraid of being left, of being hurt.

    When I said I wanted love and he answered that he did too, it felt like we took a step forward.

  307.  #307LILI 41 on November 15, 2011 at 7:17 am


    Good siren BW! I’m following you.

    I feel good today.
    I had coffea w my best riend last night.
    She helped put things in perspective for me just by talking about her own stuff.
    She had been alone for 5 years dating poofing men.
    She finally found the right one, but now she feels overwhelmed bc she misses hanging out w me like we used to, doing girly stuff and watching chick flix together.

    I look back on my alone weekend and I feel good about it. Bc once me and her get the man’s attention that we want, we miss our own time.
    She vowed to herself to never get completely absorbed and wrap her entire life around a man again.
    So we’re going shopping Friday after work.

    I don’t feel lonely, I feel loving feelings toward D, but I don’t feel heartachy and attached to him. I’m enjoying this time alone.

    He’s coming back from his vacation trip on Thursday, I have no idea what time.
    He usually calls me after hockey Friday nights to hang out…but I’ll be out w my bf.
    It will feel good to be out and not be home by the phone available for him.

    I don’t have any expectations for his return, I’ve gotten used to doing my own thing and I’m lovin it! Lovin this freedom!

  308.  #308Rose on November 15, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Hello Lovelies,
    Something a male friend asked me today was about “intuition” which got me thinking..What does intuition mean to you ladies? I feel a little confused, For me I see intuition as paying attention to the feeling that come up in my heart about someone or something…
    Is intuition different from instinct?
    Thank you for your insights and helping me with this!!

  309.  #309LILI 41 on November 15, 2011 at 7:26 am

    I just got back from my cute Dr’s appointment.

    I was 1 year late for my annual checkup.
    That’s how bad I’ve been neglecting myself.

    I was p’d at D for going away for vacation w his buddies. But now, I’m glad he went. Coz after these last days without him around calling me and wanting to see me, I feel reconnected with myself.
    Like I don’t have him to distract me from myself.

    Now the trick will be to stay connected with myself while with a man so I can truly connect w him.

    I felt like I was at a dead end, but now I feel like I’m getting somewhere with myself.

    I gotta go back to work now, but I’ll be back tonight to share how I got out of the dead end feeling.

  310.  #310lk on November 15, 2011 at 7:29 am

    This song by Serengeti was making me cry this morning:

    This goes out to my girl Jueles

    Favorite actor Dennehy, favorite drink O’Doul’s
    Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls

    So say goodbye a little longer like I ate a piece of Big Red
    Grew a mustache the size of Mike Ditka’s forehead
    Hair combed to the side looking like a piece of foam
    Buick speakers, red cooler, ’85 Bears Zubaz
    Polish sausage, bratwurst, walking like my cXck hurts
    Stacy Adams, no shirt, Jueles to get a case of Squirt
    Wife’s pXssed cause I forgot to get the Minute Rice
    So I’m back in the dXmn Buick to get a stinking bag of ice

    To get a stinking bag of rice, my wife Jueles is cute
    Her tastes really move me like I ate Juicy Fruit
    Had me dancing like Chris Penn in Footloose
    ’85 Walter rules, old style pack of Kools
    Go to Ace, new tools and weed wacker fuel
    ’85 Bears Zubaz, Stacy Adams got ruined
    Flood a basement sump pump, Shop-Vac cleanup
    Cook brats, cook chops, their heat shouldn’t be that hot

    Keep your juices in the chops, keep your juices in the brats
    Serve ’em on paper plates, ‘tato salad and grape pop
    My favorite actor was Dennehy long before he played Knight
    When Berenger was a substitute, everything was going right
    Even after Jordan left, and Dave Corzine retired
    Shawon Dunston’s wild throws and Mike Ditka got fired

    Favorite actor Dennehy, favorite drink O’Doul’s
    Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls

    Play softball with the guys, wife made curly fries
    Drink about four O’Doul’s, grounded out, two pop flies
    In the Buick down Western, stop and get some more brats
    On sale: chicken, Italian sausages, and orange pop
    This week, fishing trip, gotta get some new flies
    Wife packed turkey subs, Jays chips, and peach pies
    Watch a little Dennehy, pull out the Laserdisc
    Sniper 1, 2, and 3, Berenger makes great flicks

    Listen to the Shuffle, rewind Richard Dent’s part
    DXmn I left those orange pops in the trunk of the Skylark
    Sneak a couple O’Doul’s, shXt there’s my dXmn wife
    You know, honey, I’ll be back I gotta get some more ice
    Back in the dXmn Buick, I should go to the dXmn bar
    I saw Ditka once on the Edens in a sports car

    Favorite actor Dennehy, favorite drink O’Doul’s
    Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls

    Play a little poker, spend time with the wife
    Take her out to Bennigan’s, see if they cook chops right
    Go out and get a Laserdisc, projection screen TV
    Portillo’s Italian beef and a movie starring Tommy B
    Back in the dXmn Buick, cut on WCKG
    Caught a song by Glenn Frey and an interview with Dennehy
    So I’m driving down Western Ave, think I’m gonna stop at Zayre’s
    Got a splittin fricking headache, so I popped a couple Bayers

    So I’m back in the dXmn Buick, think I need a oil check
    The Baddest of George Throrogood smXkes Stones on my deck
    Read the sport section, Bears and their old line
    Trying to find a decent Fiero with a For Sale sign
    Cut on WCKG, Huey Lewis and the News
    The heart of rock & roll is still beatin, DA-DO-DOOM BEARS

    Favorite actor Dennehy, favorite drink O’Doul’s
    Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls

    Favorite day Sunday, favorite team the Bears
    Favorite store Ventures, Zayre’s, Zayre’s
    Favorite show Danza, also the news
    Weatherman Skilling, music the blues

    Favorite actor Dennehy, favorite drink O’Doul’s
    Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls
    Bulls, Bulls, Bulls, Bulls
    Bulls, Bulls, Bulls, Bulls

    If I was coaching the Bears, we’d at least get ten wins
    Ten wins, Dennehy on the old line, Berenger at tight end, Berenger

    Favorite actor Dennehy, favorite drink O’Doul’s
    Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls

    Favorite actor Farina, dandriff tons, brats, chops, dogs, they’re done
    Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls
    Bulls, Bulls, Bulls, Bulls
    Bulls, Bulls, Bulls, Bulls

    Favorite actor Farina, dandriff tons,
    brats, chops, dogs, they’re done
    Favorite coach Ditka, vacation place ‘consin
    Sausage, Johnson’s, Chicken, Swanson’s
    Other actor Berenger, Linebacker Butkus
    Chopped peppers, tomatoes, onions
    Onions, onions, onions, onions
    Onions, onions, onions, onions

    Favorite mayor Daley, cigarettes Kools
    Stanley makes great tools
    Favorite judge Mathis, favorite drink O’Doul’s
    Hawks, Cubs, Bears, cool
    Favorite tower Sears, favorite song the Shuffle
    Jays, Fritos, Doritos, Ruffles
    Ruffles, Ruffles, Ruffles, Ruffles
    Ruffles, Ruffles, Ruffles, Ruffles

  311.  #311lk on November 15, 2011 at 7:32 am

    That was on the CD from CDcd lol that’s complicated…

    I want to email him back today & thank him for the music & tell him not to worry about calling me, just call.

  312.  #312Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Rose I believe intuition and instincts are different. Guys tend to refer to gut feelings which I believe is similar to intuition. It is like your internal voice talking to you from the middle of your body.

  313.  #313Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 7:59 am


    RE: #295 – Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  314.  #314Mel on November 15, 2011 at 8:03 am

    There’s this cool thing I really want to go to on Friday. I know it would be too “lean forward” to invite architect. He doesn’t even know about it, so the chances of him asking me are miniscule.

    So question… Should I just find someone else to go with? Either a male friend to CD or a female friend? Or maybe go by myself? Or should I mention it to architect “I feel so excited about this show….” and see what happens?

    What would you sirens do. The fact of the matter is that I WILL be going! 😉 Just not sure how to proceed on this….

  315.  #315Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 8:04 am


    RE: #297 – How do you feel in your gut? If you feel uncomfortable, then what you did is fine. In general, Rori says it’s better to meet asap, if you feel okay. It is about practicing Siren skills. I think a lot of women have more of the opposite issue, wishing the man would quit dragging his feet.

  316.  #316Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 8:10 am


    RE: #310 – Rori says it’s not bout the event early in a relationship, and to not lead in any way. The only time she says we should initiate with a man is when we feel completely secure in his love.

    If it were me, I’d go to the event alone or ask a girlfriend. I know, it’s hard. So many events have come and gone to which I would have loved to have gone with R. Our time will come.

  317.  #317lk on November 15, 2011 at 8:13 am

    @Rose 304

    Intuition….Wow…. I think if you keep a heavy track on your *feeling* & your *wants* that keeps you safe.

    Like… I’m feeling nervous; I don’t want to walk out to that guy’s car…

    Or just, I feel weird – I don’t want to tell him where my parents are from…

    People know so much as animals (superattentive to details you don’t know you’re noticing – tension in neck muscles, eye movement, fidgeting or stillness, tone of voice, chemicals emitted in sweat..) we are basically socially omniscient, I think.

  318.  #318Mel on November 15, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Thanks Esteemed! That’s what I was thinking. I’ll likely just invite a friend and if no one is available I’ll go on my own.

    I never planned on outright inviting him, but I’m curious about letting him know about the things that interest me without being attached to the outcome. For example, I’d also love to try an indoor rock climbing gym near my house, and there are a few other “adventures” I’d love to go on (with or without him).

    What do you ladies think? It’s one of those things that I’m not dependent on him asking (I’d be happy to go on my own) but it would be cool to do some of these things together.

  319.  #319lk on November 15, 2011 at 8:19 am

    IT just came by, like, we have new bulbs for your lights & I said, no thanks, i don’t want them : )

    sitting in the dark listening to CDcd’s hiphop gift



  320.  #320Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Mel does he normally ask you about your day or what you are planning for the weekend?

    A response might be “I am looking forward to or feeling excited about going……………”.

    If you are not trying to invite him or tied to any outcome of him wanting to come, sharing about your exciting life and plans could be sharing your emotional world with him and building emotional connection. I think I remember Laughing Goddess sharing something to the effect and how happy her guy was to tag along.

  321.  #321Rose on November 15, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Thank you Femininewoman and Ik !!! I feel appreciative for your input on this..I was feeling like I confused myself..
    @ Femininewoman, yes It actually got me thinking about what my male friend said about it, he had trouble with paying attention to his intuition..I guess it is something more important to us as women to pay attention to our feelings,,

    @Ik Yes yes this resonates with me! Its exactly how I was feeling around intuition. Rori’s work has helped me become more intune to my feelings and not completely push away or ignore my intuition..
    I love my intuitive self…:o)

  322.  #322Camille on November 15, 2011 at 8:32 am

    I agree with FW, I think if your expressing things that you love, and things that you are excited about is a great thing. Especially if your not trying to force an outcome. He would be pleased to know the things that you love and….if he doesnt invite you to this….he has a better idea of the sort of things you would enjoy for later dates!

  323.  #323lk on November 15, 2011 at 8:33 am

    the song sqw wrote for me…
    letter from jv….
    songs & bearhugs from ht….

    i want like that

    & cuddles & pretendsxx like with ht….
    &……OH YEAH : ) um, kissing like jc yummmm

  324.  #324Camille on November 15, 2011 at 8:34 am

    You certainly sound un-attached to the outcome and its definitely authentic that you are excited to go (with or without)….Theres is no co-ersion or manipulation in your tone, So I see no harm what so ever mentioning it……..and allowing.

  325.  #325Mel on November 15, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Thanks ladies!

    I decided that I’d ask a girlfriend that I haven’t seen in a while. If she can’t go, I’ll ask one of my male coworkers, and if they are unavailable, I’ll go solo.

    I will certainly mention my plans if he asks about them though. I’m just going to take this as another opportunity to be sireny and do things that make me happy. If he gets some ideas for future dates, great! If not… I know how to have a good time on my own! 😉

  326.  #326Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 8:44 am

    Thank you for all your insighful suggestion on the last post.

    I heard from KR yesterday and instead of wanting to be steely and closed off because I had not talke to him since we argued on Wednesday I was open and upbeat during our conversation and it went well. I embraced Daria’s suggestion – Mochaberri -I would say no calling him at all whether feeling positive or upset… and let him contact you…

    this will naturally start healing the feminine-masculine energy balance and start creating more depth and romance

    I accepted the gap of commuincation and saw it as him offering me time to cool off and regroup. And it worked wonders!! I worked through the issue and was able to heal myself and not get freaked out by not hearing form him.

    @Starla – when he does call you, smile and say the magic words… “it feels so good to hear your voice”

    I did that and I heard his open tone and he said he was calling to check on me and asked me a few times if I was OK. Also another suggestion you made when I begin to feel pressure from him because I was getting ready to eat dinner at the time of his call, so when I went to end the call at first he said ” but I want to talk to you. If the person is accepting of hearing you eat over the phone then it’s OK”. I responded by saying. “Wow it feels really good to hear you want to talk to me and I really want to talk to you I just want to enjoy my sandwich. And he said ok I see you’re trying to get of the phone with me so I’ll just take my cue and let you go. So I said – sensing his disappointment – I said how about you call me back in 10 minutes?” He said ok and guess what ladies??? He called back!!

    So during our conversation – we made small talk – it was light and fun. I told him that I appreciate you for giving me that time. and he then said I appreciate you for giving me time (at this moment we are taking time to reconnect and get back to where we once were). And to FW – I kept my promise about not bringing up any concerns or feelings that I had by not hearing from all weekend. I will stick to that until we are at a place that the flow is balance. Hopefully, it will not have to be brought up as things begin to shift.

    Also FW I backleaded!!!! Yipppiieee!!!! I stated that I didn’t sleep well the night before because my lower back was bothering me and he expressed concern; I informed him it was that time of the month and I guess my cramps settled in my lower back. A nice massage would eas the pain and he said I give good massages. Not hearing what he said – I perked up and said this is not about you and he repeated hwat he said and immediately my inner lilttle girl came out and said “oops sorry I didn’t really hear your statement….I’m sooo sorry. He was like it’s ok. I then suggested that the massage would feel really awesome if his hands were warmed. And a easy dialogue flowed about what I meant. Although I didn’t get the backrub last night – I have a good feeling that if and when we see each other he will make mention of it.

    Also I was watching one of those singing reality shows and I assume that since I was in the present he sensed it and asked me whatthe show was about and even started to watch it with me. When he went to get off the phone, I must admit I did a bit if a test and said – oh wow you’re getting off the phone with me so soon? I feel sad…he repsonded sad?? I said yes I was having a good time watching the show with you. He then said I’m gonna call you back I jsut have to get the other phone. I said ok and we hung up and again he called back!!! When we ended again it was because we were both tired and this time I didn’t feel like we were getting off because he had the power!!

    I’m looking forward to hearing from him today now that I’m armed with my new learning tools and you ladies to help me through this.

    Someome mentioned earlier something about using the tools of Rori and not seeing results. What I have learned is that you have to be open to both the tools and any information/ advise to see a difference. Only you know when that is right for you!!

  327.  #327Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Hi ladies…I’m starting a new day and hoping that feeling better lasts..I’m doing better than yesterday.

  328.  #328Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Oh and let me add tht if he doesn’t call agin today – I am totally detached from the outcome because I am feeling awesome today!!!!!!!!!!

  329.  #329Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 8:49 am

    I have a tuff situation with a girlfriend, and it is the 3rd time in about a year that a similar incident has happened. I feel at a loss as to how to approach it, like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I would deeply appreciate some feedback…

    B: So was how was your evening?

    A: My evening was fine.

    B: I feel shut out, I guess.

    A: Meaning?

    B: When I hear your evening was fine, maybe you don’t mean it that way, but it’s a good conversation killer.

    A: You didn’t like the way I answered?

    B: I didn’t say that. I said I felt shut out. Do I assume correctly you don’t want to talk? If so, that is okay.

    A: I feel irritated with your last answer of you feeling shut out. I merely said my evening was fine. There was nothing for me to say. I’ve been attentive to you and your details. In comparison I don’t have a lot to add tonight. If that was a concern you could have simply asked if I was alright rather than going towards you feel shut out.

    A: I have a class in the morning and I spent the evening crying and asking a whole bunch of questions regarding my brother’s situation so I am exhausted. I’ll speak with you later. Good night.

    B: Hey, A, sad to hear you were crying. I see my insecurities still tend to affect me in relating to others. I see I made an oops again. I wouldn’t have known, tho, to wonder if everything was all right after I heard your evening was fine. I care.

    A: That’s the thing, I did not expect you to know, and I was too drained to talk about it or give details that is why I simply said I was fine! If it seemed off to you you could have asked about me if I was okay but it really made me mad that you made that about you and how you felt shut out when I do nothing but be attentive to your story despite whatever is going on with me. I encourage you about your job. I listen about R, and other men, and ask questions when I have them, yet I get “I feel shut out” rather than are you feeling okay. I had already mentioned earlier to you I found out something upsetting about my brother. Not everything is easily talked about for me and I’m truly not as verbose as you about all of my processes especially in text when I’m in the middle of those processes. I need to be able to spell out or not spell out details according to how I feel without being made responsible for taking care of your feelings. I’m going back to sleep now, gotta be up soon.

    The next morning I wrotB:

    B: Ok, thank you. I feel like I understand you better, and, as much as I try and would like to, I am unable to read minds.

    A: Wait huh? That is what I am trying to tell you I wasn’t expecting you to read anything!

    B: Ok 

    A: No seriously. I am saying when I answered you that my evening was fine, leave it there. If I wanted to share more I would have and I resented you replying the way you did, which was forcing me to use energy I didn’t have to spell it all out. Now you tell me you can’t read minds. I feel really frustrated.

    B: I said OK. It’s cool. Let’s leave it there. I treasure you! Enjoy your class!

    A: I can’t just leave it there I feel really mad, misunderstood and uncared for. But I gotta go and have enough on my mental plate so I won’t text till I feel fully better. Have a nice day.

    B: I don’t want to get sucked into something that ends badly. What do you want from me?

    A: Ugh! Nothing! That’s my damn question to you! Why can you not see that I can’t do this right now? I can’t be made to feel responsible for your feelings when I am going through some things myself. Don’t tell me I’m shutting you out or expect you to read my mind. I am processing some serious deep feelings here, I expect my friend to show me that sensitivity! If you’re unable to, then you gotta leave me alone right now.

    A: Sometimes you make me crazy! But regardless I love you. Try and understand, I’m dealing with the possibility that my brother may have been raped when we were kids. I can’t articulate. K class is starting. Talk to you later.

    I let it set for 3 days, feeling utterly exasperated, that anything I said would be taken negatively when I was simply trying to smooth things over and be a caring friend. This morning I plagiarized what Starla wrote on the blog lately, and I wrotB:

    B: Hi A, well it took me a while as I was at a complete loss as to what to safely say, so I just gave up and left it alone. But it is good to communicate something before just walking away…walking away can be really good, but even when it’s good, it is still pretty rude not to at least say something before walking away. So anyway, days later…I know you’re upset and I respect that, but right now these comments are feeling like a bit much coming at me all at once for it. At least for now, I don’t want to respond to them. How are you doing?

    A: I don’t know what to say to you. If I simply say I’m doing okay or alright I’m afraid you’ll say I’m shutting you out. If I get chatty it will only be to appease you and at this point I don’t have that energy. The only thing I can say is, I’m doing okay. I sincerely don’t have too many words right now for how I’m doing and I need for you to respect that.

    B: Like I said at the beginning of this piece, I realized from your initial response that I was merely working out of my own insecurities, my NVs. I am trying to let this conversation go and I’ve already let my NVs go. I’m ready to move on anytime you are.

    A: What I’m trying to say is this has nothing to do with your NVs or our interaction. I am going thru something heavy and beyond my own comprehension and if you would like to be a part of that that would feel great. If not, then please let me be because I feel like I have to keep explaining myself to you.

    A: I need you to understand that I can’t just move on. I have to care for my feelings and respect my process by being honest about how I feel in the moment, too, and I have not been feeling like I matter in my interactions with you since a few days ago. That’s how I feel. I’d like it if someone I call friend could be sensitive to that. Now I have to work so please let me have my space. I don’t want to feel drained or spent right now explaining myself.

    I let it drop there, and I am feeling utterly misunderstood. The whole point from my first text was that I DO care! Please help, I feel clueless as to how to resolve this. I have said everything I know how.

  330.  #330Starla on November 15, 2011 at 8:52 am

    ladies, i leaned forward last night when CF called and suggested he come over for a visit. He was thrilled that I wanted to see him, but still….I felt kinda dumb. It was like I couldn’t help myself. I asked in a really scared, insecure kind of way, and he was like “well yeah of course I want an excuse to see you!”

    So he came over and we spent 40 minutes together and actually managed to tear ourselves apart.

    I would like to lean forward less. I know it worked out fine, but still, the compulsion I felt to need to see him was weird. This isn’t what I want for myself.

    He has a big family since his parents have been remarried a bazillion times and he has like 35 half sisters and brothers lol, and he invited me to every thanksgiving i could stand to go to. I told him the one with his mom and sister was fine:)

  331.  #331lk on November 15, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Wow i just realized what i want to say to QTcd about our 3rd date & spending money. I’m going to say, well yes i do feel fun talking to you & hanging out, but I really don’t want to feel weird when the bill comes, so i want you to just make a plan where you will feel comfortable paying & that will feel good for me. & i think i really can say, I don’t want a lot of expensive things, but in dating & romance I like to feel like a princess, even if it’s just the princess at the park flying a kite : ))) i love kites! that would feel good to receive a kite as a gift : )

  332.  #332flower on November 15, 2011 at 8:58 am

    so about more than a year working with roris tools and the onyl difference is that i go alone into clubs more often , still millions of men that im not interested in come along and the one that was the reason i found rori came out after a year and half showing his pathetic side, shouting, abousing, slightly physical – i must admit hes just a bit pushy it felt like he was protecting himself from me, believes some bullshit that i never said to anybody (Sigh dunno why i even wonder who he can believe other who changed what i said completely but not me) and tellin me he wishes i was killed and hed love to shoot me in my forehead

    well i guess roris tools worked that he eventually came and sounds come out of his mouth and anger after all these months of his werid behaviour of making sure i see him looking weirdly down or moving away from me etc

  333.  #333flower on November 15, 2011 at 8:59 am

    oh and i got him out of his favorite venue in town so now i guess that will backfire at me too

  334.  #334Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Starla it’s great that you are noticing yourself. Do you believe there is a reason why you wanted to lean forward so badly? What were you telling yourself during that time?

  335.  #335Camille on November 15, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Your post was difficult for me to understand.

    But the guy that you said came back, just reading what he said to you makes me feel awful and repulsed by him. Makes me want to tell you to run and never talk to him or be around him again.

  336.  #336flower on November 15, 2011 at 9:10 am

    too small town not to be around and definitely not moving cos of some guy

  337.  #337Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 9:13 am

    @ Flower – yes I msut admit that your post is difficult to understand – can you elaborate more?

  338.  #338lk on November 15, 2011 at 9:19 am

    i want to receive good, pure wasabi powder
    I want to receive a belly-dancing costume
    i want to receive kisses & cuddles & massages

    i’m scared of men who want to spear me with their pXnises…. I want men who want to clean under my fingernails! I want men who want to rub my feet & bring me tea in bed & cuddle me & keep me warm…

  339.  #339Starla on November 15, 2011 at 9:31 am

    yay mochaberri, nice:)

  340.  #340Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 9:33 am

    Flower that scenario seems like you would need to be a rockstar. Live your life the way you want to live it regardless of whether you run into him in the future or not. Your emotional fitness would be so that nothing he says or does would cause you to react in a way you don’t want to. Awareness of what you want and how you feel would help you greatly.

  341.  #341Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 9:39 am

    ladies remind me of the scripts again that I’m not driving to a man…I’m not having him pick me up but I want to meet close to where I live/work…I don’t know what he’s gonna come back with, because he lives about 40 minutes away. If he wants me to go there…I will perhaps say:
    “Oh I don’t feel comfortable driving to meet a man. What do you think?”

    “Oh I don’t want to drive to meet a man. If you could meet me closer to my work, that would feel great. What do you think?”

    “Oh I feel uncomfortable driving to meet a man. It would feel great if you could meet me near my workplace. What do you think?”

    “Oh that’s a lil bit to far for me to drive, I don’t feel comfortable doing that. If you could meet me near my work, that would feel great.”

    Sirens what do you think…..
    He seems like the type that won’t ask me to…but just in case…I want to be ready with a script

  342.  #342Starla on November 15, 2011 at 9:39 am

    FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla it’s great that you are noticing yourself. Do you believe there is a reason why you wanted to lean forward so badly? What were you telling yourself during that time?

    yes, i was so nervous to talk to him on the phone, because i’m like a f*cking school girl, that i felt dumb and I just wanted to see him and have a functional conversation with him. I mean, I got so twitterpated trying to talk to him last night that I had to get off the phone and call him back a few minutes later.

    And I knew if we saw each other, his memory of me for the day wouldn’t be me being completely awkward.

    Also, I wanted a cigarette, and he’s my pusher:P

  343.  #343Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Starla would you describe yourself as being addicted to nicotine?

  344.  #344lk on November 15, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Crying this morning made me feel like i was running from the storming ocean to hide in the cave — but there is not safety in the cave! i know this – i can get lost. i’m scared to be in there alone. from deep inside it, i look back at the mouth, a little dark light but the whole cave is pounding with thundering echoes from sea, waves crashing & i’m scared. i don’t know how to get back & even if I did i’m still scared of the water!

    Ok, baby, no crying. it’s ok. don’t worry.

    the water is you – the cave is you – why are you afraid of yourself?

    NO. you feed me poison! you smoke cigarettes! you drink wine & beer & coffee. i hate you.

    Ok, hmmm… thank you for telling me, baby. you are sweet & lovely & i want you to be safe & happy…. warmhugsdon’tcry

  345.  #345Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 9:47 am

    Emerson I prefer the last one. The others oddly felt like you were asking him what he thinks about how you feel. I would also take out the far comment in the beginning, it sounds a bit negative.

    “I would feel comfortable meeting you close to my office”

  346.  #346Starla on November 15, 2011 at 9:48 am

    lk, what is wasabi powder used for? just curious

  347.  #347Tiffany on November 15, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Well, I don’t know, Esteemed. Maybe this is a good time to practice listening at “level 2.” It sounds, from the transcript, as if your friend was actually doing a good job of using feeling statements (not at first, but later on.) I think she did a good job of expressing where she was/is at and what she needed and wanted from you as a friend. I know it’s hard when people don’t give you the whole story, and you know there’s more. In my experience, feeling messages help with both men and women, but women do approach emotions and relationships (including friend relationships) differently.

    It sounds like your friend is going through a tough time and needs both support and space. You could always offer, “I’m here to talk, when you’re ready.” Or something like that. The urge to “help out” is very strong for us women, and I do it, too. I don’t like feeling “shut out” when I’m given any part of the story, but not really given the opportunity to help and listen as I want to. It’s hard to step back when you know someone else is having a hard time. 🙁


  348.  #348Starla on November 15, 2011 at 9:55 am

    Yes, at least mentally and a little physically. I smoke a few times a week, usually all in one night. But I smoked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and by the time last night came around, I *physically* felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t get a smoke. I feel much better now having had a cig last night, and maybe I can go back to not smoking for a while.

  349.  #349Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 9:58 am

    345 thanks FW…I feel curious just for my own learning, why the other comments sound like it’s asking what he thinks about how I feel?

    How is it different from the way Rori teaches to express feeling messages and then say what do you think?

    like for example I might say…….”I feel uncomfortable being asked about my dating life by a man. What do you think?”

  350.  #350lk on November 15, 2011 at 9:59 am

    @Starla –

    YES i want to go to that coffee shop! there is a museum with Vance Kirkland in it on Pearl too so i will CD myself & go there : )))) that sounds fun! I want to do that.

    Wasabi powder, you can just add water & make wasabi… I want to make wasabicreamsauce YUMMMMMMMMM oh i want to drink cups of it LOL

    I like to hear stories of CF wanting you for just minutes at a time, whenever he can : ))) that makes me feel warm & also hungry for that for myself! I don’t think it’s bad to lean sometimes………a little lean is sexxxy dancing —- just spin off away after you do it – like grabbing his waist & swinging your hips down low so sxxxy & suggestive & he’s like WOW i’m dancing with an aggressive tigress WOW i’m scared & then you just swing up on your hips & pull your hands through your hair & turn around with your back to him & run your hands down your own body like dXmni’msxxxy then take a couple steps away from him nolookingback like you know he will still be there, then dance up on another guy who has his back to you like i don’t even care i’m not doing it for the attention i just love men&humans & i love to dance & i’m so efffing sxxxy dxmn how could just one man satisfy me, then you turn around & he is still there & he sees you turn around & he is right there, taking big steps toward you, soturned on : ))))) i love dancing, i want to sxxxydance with a sxxxyman & want to kiss : )

  351.  #351Starla on November 15, 2011 at 10:00 am

    I could use a refresher on listening at level 2.

    i catch myself not being a very good listener, especially with my guys.

    CF actually (gently) called me out on this.

  352.  #352lk on November 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

    I remember dancing with jv in cali & being so flippantteasingonvacationdon’tcare & at one point he just got so sick of me moving away he grabbed me & never let go of me the rest of the night! & was txtng me, emailing, calling, bringing me gifts until I told him x3 i didn’t want to date him. That grabbing&notlettinggo is what real men do for real women. i like it.

  353.  #353Starla on November 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Oohhh, well my boy energy wants to let MathCD know that he can find imported wasabi powder at Pacific Mercantile on 19th and Lawrence.

    While he’s there, he should pick up some hand painted chopsticks for you too.

  354.  #354lk on November 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

    even though we just met that 1 night & i didn’t see him the rest of my vacation because i wanted to be with my friend, he came all the way to Colorado to meet me again! even though he is a student & has no money, he paid his way & bought me everything – dinner, coffees, presents —- YES

    & dXmn – sxxxyboyyyyyy

    I want to be turned on

    I want men who travel for me, who give to me, who share with me, who embrace me, who protect me, who hear me, who know me, who accept me

  355.  #355lk on November 15, 2011 at 10:07 am


    Yes! I would love to receive that gift from MathCD – he is so sweet & really knows how much I love beautiful things & spicy foods ; ) LOL I love it!!!!!

  356.  #356Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 10:09 am

    what is listening at level 2

  357.  #357lk on November 15, 2011 at 10:13 am

    my eyes still feel soreswollencrunchy from crying… poorbaby….

    i want to txt exCd & see if he will drive me to get lunch & rub my back LOL…. WHY do i think it’s fine to ask for that???? it sounds weird. but i do want it! i’ll ask. can’t lose : )

    sxCD (whyyyyy do i have multiple Xs at work? why do i still chill w them? lol) just came by and starts pointing to things hung on my walls, like, “what’s that?” i said, a printer test sheet. “what’s that?” he says, i say, a printer test sheet. “what’s that?” a map. “what’s that?” he says & points to blank wall space. I go, “abstract art.” LOL i want to give my men koans. I want to receive koans from them : ))))

    then, he comes back a couple minutes later, like, “for you, mylady — fromage” with crackers & really good goat cheese. I love that guy.

    I love men who share with me & i love to receive gifts of love : )))

  358.  #358Sarah on November 15, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Hey Rori, love you so much. Thanks to you and your programs I’ve became a better person, more charming and ohhh just love myself more than ever. and never had such a great relationships with men before. But there’s One thing I really want to know and ask,- do you ever pay when you’re out with a man?? Never paid a penny so far, but some people say it’s selfish and so on.. I really don’t want to pay for anything when a man is around. It is my boundary. Might not seem right to everyone, but that’s what I would definitely feel uncomfy about-paying for a man or my self when I’m with a man.. Men don’t think too deep to understand that we also put an effort like make-up and stuff, and I pay for it. I don’t want his money for my own needs, just for OUR relationship. So recently a guy I’m dating, who says he loves me really much asked me how come I never pay for anything?, so I said I’m a woman, and want to feel that way. Now that you asked me this I feel uncomfortable, I just feel so much more relaxed when the man does the job.. (He ain’t got a car at the moment so we were traveling to a place from my city by train and he said me to get a ticket for myself , because he don’t have to pay for me all the time, so I said OK, you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it, so I will ring up my guy friend and he will take me to that city so we’ll meet there.. that did shut him up, never mentioned any money issue since than )And it’s not like he’s getting me to expensive places or giving me pricey gifts. And then he keeps asking where would I want to go or what would I want to do. And I’d like him to do all that thinking. Even though he wont bring up the money issue anymore, anytime we go out I can feel from his vibe that he’s afraid to “spend too much money”. He’s not broke, he’s just being a bit cheap. Would this be a reason for breaking up? or is it worth to stay? he does love me, would never let my hand out of his, contacts me everyday. Never contacted him first after 3 months of dating, because I never have to. Mentioned marriage, says he is ready but I’m not (that’s true..I love him too but can’t imagine living with him under these conditions) . Your advice would feel great 🙂

  359.  #359Tiffany on November 15, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I feel…confused about saying what I want. About identifying what I want. Clarifying what I want.

    I get that it’s useful to have clear ideas on your desires. Then you can know when they are actually fulfilled.

    If I want a triple-chocolate caramel mocha, then I know when I have a triple-chocolate caramel mocha and when I don’t.

    It gets so much more complicated when you are talking about a person. Especially when you are talking about people you haven’t met yet. Or even people you know. People, who change on a constant basis and who both are and are not the same person, from moment to moment.

    I can say, “I want this” or “I want that.” But how do I know that what is ultimately best for me is not a complete surprise, that I would have no way of predicting, never mind desiring in the first place.

    What if those qualities I want are embedded in a man who is, otherwise, not what I think I want at all?

    I guess this is about getting to the heart of the issue.

    What’s really important – the external factors, or the qualities of who he is? The Who He Is, obviously.

    But even then, I feel like, the surprise of meeting someone I don’t know, who has qualities I never could have imagined…why would I want to shut out that possibility of discovering something beautiful by creating a limited definition of “what I want” based only on my experience and what I already know?

    It’s like saying that life on other planets has to look like life on this planet, just because this is what we know. But very often, life on THIS planet doesn’t even look like anything we could ever imagine or comprehend.

    The Universe is so abundant and creative and surprising and diverse. Our minds are only capable of imagining a small sliver of possibility, when in reality, there is so much more….

    I hope to be open to that possibility. I hope to be surprised, constantly and deliciously, by the inventions of the universe. I hope to BE part of that creative process.

    I also hope to keep my head and my heart, and my feet on the ground. To know that what I want, and what I don’t want can coexist. That I can decide what is right and good for me in the moment, and what is not. And that I can choose, when offered something that I want, to say Yes.

    That’s my prayer for the day.

    Thank you, Universe!

  360.  #360Starla on November 15, 2011 at 10:19 am

    damn, lk, you go to work and goat cheese magically appears? that’s awesome.

    we have baby bells, pistachios, and organic apple slices

  361.  #361mali on November 15, 2011 at 10:20 am

    April- 171: Hee hee that made me giggle! But ofc, we’re allowed to lean forward towards eachother 😉 (Like, I got yo’ back, sistaaaa!) *street-style accent*

    I’m feeling so good, I can’t believe it… Having a lot of fun flirting with guys on POF. I’ve had a few guys ask me straight out, and part of me is all, “WOAH… down boy!”

    But it feels good, really good.
    One guy is nine years older than me, but he’s oh-so HOT, and I like that he seems gentle-manly enough. And I’m curious to see how I interact with him, seeing as he’s a lot older, but I’ve always known I’m extra mature for my age (Even more so now that I’m surrounded by students who are three years younger than me at uni!). Hmm… I’m excited.

    I’m reeling them in 😉

    On the other hand, feel really turned off receiving messages saying, “Hey gorgeous” with a wink.

    Thankyou for that, but I’d prefer it if you called me gorgeous.
    Gorgeous is not my name!
    Hmph. In yo’ face, you got REJECTED, boy!

  362.  #362Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 10:21 am


    RE: #347 – Thanks, that helps! I felt like I was being supportive as much as I was able, but that she kept pushing me away saying, “Don’t get close! Why won’t you support me? Don’t get close! Why won’t you support me?”

  363.  #363Starla on November 15, 2011 at 10:22 am

    awwww one of my guy friends just gave me a really sweet compliment out of the blue:

    “hey so i was thinking to myself, dang, eva has one of the best personalities ever. because you’re kind and always give useful advice and you seem like a mellow person who don’t take no shit from no one nuh uh sista”

    hehe cute!
    I feel big and special!

  364.  #364mali on November 15, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Tiffany- @358

    I loved reading that, it was beautiful.

    I completely understand your slight dilemma. Sometimes I feel as though I know what I want, yet it actually isn’t all I hoped it would be. Or that I’m closed to a certain someone or a possibility, and actually, I’m surprised!

    What I’ve learnt to do is simply to go with the flow. I have boundaries based on how I feel. I try and trust my feelings, and my instinct and intuition. That surprisingly sets a good standard of what is good and not so good for me… And the surprising thing is, it’s something we were born with. It’s like God, or the Universe is saying, “But your gut will tell you what you want. Stop over analysis, silly, and making it more complicated than it is! I created you, and trust you to trust yourself. And if things go pear shaped, I’ll always be there to pick you up when you fall”

    Do you receive daily emails from TUT? They’re so heartwarming!

  365.  #365Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 10:25 am

    I like the feeling message
    “i feel disconnected” when feeling like I’m not in sequence with a man or not in touch…
    I almost forgot about that phrase.
    I used it with recycled and it seemed to speak to him.
    I want to stop thinking about him, but it’s hard. I thought about him this morning when I woke up and how I miss having him next to me in bed. 🙁

  366.  #366lk on November 15, 2011 at 10:30 am

    I WANT APPLE SLICESSSSS oh yes i do have an apple. yum. ok. stopcryingbaby whyintheworld are you sosad

  367.  #367lk on November 15, 2011 at 10:31 am

    @Tiffany 358

    I loved this part!!

    “It’s like saying that life on other planets has to look like life on this planet, just because this is what we know. But very often, life on THIS planet doesn’t even look like anything we could ever imagine or comprehend.”

  368.  #368Esteemed on November 15, 2011 at 10:33 am


    RE: #350 – I love it! LOL! I feel delighted! Grrrrrowel!

  369.  #369lk on November 15, 2011 at 10:36 am

    QT: “Good morning indecisive-kite-buying-amazon-bush-wearing-patchouli girl. I hope you are able to use Marky-Mark’s office ; )”

    I’m like, NOOOOOO I don’t want to be a babyyyyyyy stop babying me — & then I’m like, wahhhhh poorbaby noonelovesme LOL

    i can’t believe he is txtng me about my pXbic hair… that feels weird. i’m grumpy. i don’t want him owning me nXked in his mind. UNTIE ME. i feel weak & scared. this is old pain, not his problem.

  370.  #370Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Emerson listening at Level 2 is described in the eBook. Do you have it?

    It is basically being so curious about the person in front of you that you kind of shut down the chatter in your brain and totally put your attention on the person in front of you. She encourages us to practice with ourself in the mirror if there is no one to practice with.

  371.  #371Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 10:38 am

    what is listening at level 2??

  372.  #372Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 10:46 am

    247 Amazing me I love this idea!

  373.  #373lk on November 15, 2011 at 10:46 am

    I’m really upset. I want a nest. I want warm blankets. I hate sitting under fluorescent lights. I’m imaging that I’m allergic & prolonged exposure will actually kill me. Dxmn, girl. that’s fXckedup. stop imagining shxt like that, you freak.

  374.  #374Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Emerson I responded to your question on listening but it is in moderation.

  375.  #375Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Emerson listening at Level 2 is described in the eBook. Do you have it?

    It is basically being so curious about the person in front of you that you kind of shut down the chatter in your brain and totally put your attention on the person in front of you. She encourages us to practice with ourself in the mirror if there is no one to practice with.

  376.  #376Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Thanks…I have Rori’s book but is the ebook different?
    Maybe I need to re-read it I don’t remember that part….

  377.  #377flower on November 15, 2011 at 10:53 am

    femininewoman: yes thanx

    i do feel bad about this , and all practice of feeling messages and stuff wasn’t useful when he behaved like he did, otherwise maybe the situation couldve turned it around or at least kept under control , but at least i know his bad true side now , might not be the worst , maybe he will be in his head planning things now , time will show

    i feel angry and maybe a bit empt feeling now , i stopped myself from going to police – that never works rom my experience with true aggression from men over the years ive met a few (and i don’t lose it then,so far i haven’t at least, always if it got a little it physical i was out) , this now only could backfire

    i accept that i will always meet men who will be narcism and/or aggressive, as that fits perfectly , jut on other hand maybe i cause that behavior to some extent myself in them to come out and other girls don’t , i dont know , best stop thinking

  378.  #378Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 10:54 am

    You feel what you feel and then just state it, is what I think Emerson.

    Asking what do you think is asking for an opinion on something, maybe after giving yours to show respect for his way of thinking.

    “I miss what we had and now I feel disconnected. I don’t like feeling this way and want to feel close to you. Is there any way we can work through this as a team to get back what we had. What do you think?”

    Something like that I think is more appropriate to ask an opinion about.

  379.  #379Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 10:55 am

    It is the same Emerson. I have to keep reviewing it.

  380.  #380Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Susan the book talks about

    Physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts and words of affirmation. It helped me to identify mine as physical touch and quality time. I have also been able to identify those of people in my life. I believe you will get value from reading it.

  381.  #381Starla on November 15, 2011 at 10:59 am

    I found this about listening at level 2 here on the blog in an old post:

    Level 1 Listening is It’s all about me. Level 2 is It’s all about you. Listening at Level 3 is a bit esoteric – It’s all about everything. Listening to someone and then feeling heard by them is an unbelievable experience – and it’s very rare.

    Most of us are at Level 1 all the time. Most of the time, we aren’t really listening, we’re thinking about ourselves – what we’re going to say next, what we think about the other person, that our pants are too tight, we have a pimple on our chin, anything but the person right in front of us.

    When we’re in a conversation with someone, and we’re thinking about how what that person is saying relates to us, we’re at Level 1. I may be sitting or standing here talking with you, but actually I’m all in my own head about me. Oh, that happened to me too! Or I wonder if he likes my hair or I wonder if he’ll ask me out. There is nothing wrong with Level 1 Listening – in other words, being all about ourselves – except that it limits our ability to really relate to others.

    Level 2 Listening is the complete reverse of Level 1. Imagine how, when you’re utterly in love with someone, all you can see is their face, all you can hear is their voice, all you can smell is their breath and cologne. Their words and the feelings they express are, in that moment, the most important things in the world to you. In fact, the only things in the world.

    When you listen to a man, really Listen at Level 2, you will change the moment, the interaction, the entire relationship. And as a result, he will change – almost overnight.

    A man you think you’re not attracted to might suddenly open up and become really attractive to you once you find out about him. To do this, just relax. Relax completely and be over there, with him. Let yourself go as though you no longer exist.

    Your thoughts are just passing through – you’re over there. You don’t have to talk, or smile, or do anything.

    Just listen.

    Here’s how to practice Level 2 Listening right now. When I used to do Have the Relationship You Want workshops, we’d work in partners. One person talks about themselves – what’s on their mind, what they did today, anything. The other person listens at Level 2. The talking person’s only job is to focus on herself, and the listening person’s only job is to focus on the talking person.

    I say, Listeners, all you have to do is listen. Get comfortable. It doesn’t matter if you’re leaning forward or leaning back. Look at your partner. Look at their face, their eyes. Try to stay focused on their words. Really give yourself over to them completely. You are at Level 2 Listening, which is all about them – it’s over there.

    If you notice your mind wandering back to – “Oh, that happened to me too,” or “Yeah, I agree” – which is Level 1 – shift back to them. When you’re really at Level 2, you’ll be completely immersed over there. Okay – go.

    If you have a friend to work with, practice on each other. If you are working alone, let’s do the exercise differently:

    Put yourself in front of a mirror. Imagine that you, in the mirror, are going to hang on every word you, in front of the mirror, say. Your mirror image will follow wherever your thoughts go, giving you total attention. Go ahead and talk about your day. Tell your image everything that happened to you today – the emotion of it, the detail of it, what was important about it. Laugh, cry, say whatever comes to mind. Pay little or no attention to your mirror image.

    Now, when you finish up, think about how it felt to completely unload your mind and heart while your mirror image did nothing but listen. She did not interject, offer advice, even go uh-huh. If you imagine that you in the mirror were listening intently and compassionately, you may feel as heard, as light and unburdened as you would practicing with a partner. Now, in order to reverse it, we’ll do without words altogether.

    Look at yourself in the mirror, and become completely absorbed in your image’s eyes, hair, nose, mouth, smile – with this important agreement: You must pretend that this mirror image is someone else. In this way, you can look at the mirror image’s hair and notice that it has gray in it, or curl, or a highlight, without thinking about it. In other words, as soon as you say to yourself Oh, I have to color my roots, you’ve moved back to Level 1 Listening.

    Your job is to observe with attention and compassion the qualities of the face in front of you, and to commune instinctively with the emotions conveyed by the face and the person in front of you. You are to forget that the image in the mirror is you.

    Try this for a few minutes and see what it feels like. It may feel like a mental vacation. A moment to observe and feel without thinking. Without bringing your observations back to yourself.

    Now take what you’ve experienced and practice it out in the world.

    I encourage you to practice, practice, practice. Practice with the busboy, the clerk, your blind date, your boyfriend or your husband, your children, your friends, your relatives, your pet, the birds outside, and total strangers. Practice and notice when you go back to Level 1. The more you do it, the more natural it will become to listen at Level 2.

  382.  #382Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Flower look at your beliefs and see if you can shift that. I felt bad reading that because it seems like too broad a generalization. Every man is not like that. You will not always meet men that are like that, you just can’t predict the future like that. I would say yes, look at yourself, go deep into your feelings to see if you can find things to heal. As you heal you will attract better quality men.

  383.  #383Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Starla thanks. I was thinking of this partcilar thing.

  384.  #384Camille on November 15, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Oh Dear Flower,
    My heart sunk and I felt so sad to read that you have “accepted” you will always meet men like that.
    THATS NOT TRUE! that is a belief you have. Could you change your thought pattern? and start saying to yourself……that you accept only good men into your life and you only attract wonderful, kind, gentle men. If youll change your thoughts the men you meet will change. (HUGS)

  385.  #385lk on November 15, 2011 at 11:14 am

    I get suspicious when men contact me daily, like – oh, they’re trying to rush intimacy & have sxx.

    Then if they never contact or just occasionally, i’m like – oh, they’re just trying to do the bare minimum to get sxx.

    CREEPY lk! who in the world has ever done that to you?!?! no one! or… almost no one LOL…. bm & museum were both a little like that, but that’s ok! no worries, no fear – you KNEW THAT ! yesss you trusted your intuition & you shut it down!

    Now i don’t even want to go out with QT…

    I do want to. I want to practice level2 listening & i want to see if i can have him kiss slower so i will like it more : ) yum that sounds pretty good!

  386.  #386lk on November 15, 2011 at 11:20 am

    I can feel all my energy pulling away from men — i’m imagining the waterwheel that was coming toward me is slowwwwingdown — & reversing! I’m like – NOOOO i’m scared ! I don’t want you guys giving to me & then expecting things back!!!!!! I don’t want to feel guilty or scared or nXked!!

    hmmmm….. i want to go forward…. i want to receive & heal & be calmopenocean — wow, i can actually feel the storm passing & i can imagine these fluorescent lights are like sunlight on the beach, i can come out of the cave – i can swim in calm waters, i can lay on dry sand…….

  387.  #387lk on November 15, 2011 at 11:23 am

    I’m imagining that inside of me, there is a very young princess with no knowledge of the magic…she has a dream….she wakes early….she goes & sits in the temple of the goddess & she learns to be still & silent & she notices that she is part of the goddess…. Now she is standing alone in the temple & slowly moving her body – it is hard to move against the breath of the goddess, like running against the wind, but it is easy like dancing to move with the breath of the goddess.

  388.  #388lk on November 15, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Wow haha, just got up to get water & saw my goat cheese friend again LOL, he watched me open a door & he goes, “WOW it’s like magic!” hahaha… I’m like, “OHHHHH yes! it is!” “Magic!” he says again. “I say, what else is like magic?” “Other things…” he tells me. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHH” i say.

  389.  #389Mel on November 15, 2011 at 11:30 am

    I want sex……

    Dear universe,

    Please provide lots and lots of sex. Tonight, if possible. 😉

    Muchas gracias,


  390.  #390lk on November 15, 2011 at 11:36 am

    @ 386

    Wowww…. I feel jealous of you so openly wanting this! I do want this! I love sex & warmlove…. I love passion & grabbing & slowness & patience… I do want all of that.

    I am feeling scared of not being attracted & safe at the same time…. But i know it is possible! & I know it is easy & coming toward me! I can feel that wanting it is just the edge of having it! ok, yes, i do want that : )

  391.  #391April Rose on November 15, 2011 at 11:43 am

    I am living in a new town, it’s a small town. All my best friends are in my old town.

    So, to find company initially, I joined a local guitar club where I can strum away and sing with other people.

    The ‘people’ are mainly men. Many of them are lovely. One is adorable.
    The song I introduced to the group is “All I have to do is Dream” by The Everley Brothers.
    I dream of that adorable man. What shall I call him? Buddy Holly!

  392.  #392Mel on November 15, 2011 at 11:45 am

    Welcome April Rose!

    A bunch of us commented to you a little ways up…. 🙂

  393.  #393April Rose on November 15, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Hi Mel,

    Thanks for your response. I feel so glad to be on this forum at last after reading it for months.

    I read your post about clarifying what you want. Do you ever find that knowing what you want is like a jigsaw puzzle: – a piece of what you want reveals itself every so often, usually by surprise?

    I’ve lived my life angrily reacting against so much that I don’t want. Finding what I DO want is a treasure trove that I’m just beginning to unearth.

  394.  #394April Rose on November 15, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    And one of the things I WANT is to feel good, soft, beautiful and cherished in the presence of men.

    I’m off to guitar club now. I’ll try practicing receiving love from all the men there. And keeping my heart in my own body, listening and dancing to my heartbeat.

  395.  #395Mel on November 15, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    “Do you ever find that knowing what you want is like a jigsaw puzzle: – a piece of what you want reveals itself every so often, usually by surprise?”


    And it’s only once you are open to accepting change and the thrill of the unknown in your life that these pieces start to reveal themselves.

    It’s a happy discovery process, I’m finding!

  396.  #396lk on November 15, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    @Emerson 341

    I don’t know how other ladies feel about this…. But a lot of times I just say what I want (or don’t want) first & then use feeling messages if they want to know more about it.

    Like, Wow, ice cream sounds good, but actually I don’t want to drive that far.

    it would feel better to meet somewhere in my area, what do you think?

  397.  #397lk on November 15, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    QT bought me mussels last night… now i don’t know if i want oysters.

    i don’t like hearing TV talk about money. i feel bored & turned off & guilty. i don’t want to think about money. i want money to sink to the bottom, while i float above. i can have as much money as i want, but i don’t want to touch it or see it or count it.

  398.  #398lk on November 15, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    it was a little scary to see how beautiful the shells were & how interested I am in the way they extend those little tubes to breed & i love their full stomachs & i don’t like to chew their little tiny amazing parts…

    i didn’t really want to eat them & it took me a long time to eat just a few of them, while QT ate like 20………. it felt a little bad when i said wow you eat quickly! & he said, yes i do. well….. ok…. how can you love food, if you eat it so quickrushed? umm… & how would you eat me…. blushing.

  399.  #399Mel on November 15, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    “Ohhhhhh!” she says, gleefully.

    The universe may be providing exactly what I asked for…. Architect just texted me about wanting to sneak me over for some fun…. 😉

  400.  #400Rori Raye on November 15, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Sarah, answering your question in a post – look for it over the next months…Love, Rori

  401.  #401Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    April Rose that guitar club sound so intriguing to me. I find it extremely sexy when men sing to me. What a wonderful way to cdate.

  402.  #402Rori Raye on November 15, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    lk – yes, the ice cream example you give here is fantastic! Love, Rori

  403.  #403Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    @190: ~ Violet ~ says:
    “…I’ve given up hope of finding my soul mate. It seems to get harder as I get older…”

    Could you tell us more about “the harder” part? There might be suggestions for you that will help make things easier.

    And, I’m curious about the “older” part too. Are you seventy yet? I’m trying out that age.

  404.  #404Rori Raye on November 15, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    April, so glad to have your voice on here! You are all so brilliant, so soft – and such great WRITERS!!! Love, Rori

  405.  #405Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Most women don’t receive compliments well.
    Actually, a more honest statement would be that most women are terrible at receiving compliments. They don’t want men to think they are arrogant, snobby or even worse – a b-i-t-c-h. But in an attempt not to appear conceited, they fail to understand how they appear to a man. When a man compliments you, he’s actually giving you something – like a flower or a
    gift. If you minimize his words, he feels like you are belittling his gift. If you do that enough, you’ll train him not to give to you. In effect, you’re telling him you don’t
    believe the nice thing he said about you. He won’t think you’re being humble. Instead, he’ll soon believe that he was mistaken to believe you’re wonderful.
    So what should you do?
    When a man compliments you, smile and simply say “thank you.” Oh, I realize it sounds simple, and it is. But if you begin doing this, you’ll find that you may feel very vulnerable. To receive a compliment can be unnerving. It takes practice. But from a man’s perspective, it conveys confidence and is very attractive.

    Bob Grant

  406.  #406luzydel on November 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    I feel son angry right now, he is not respecting me. I said to only contact me if he ever feels regrets of breaking things up, otherwise to let me go. He tested me yesterday like he neer said mean things to me…just because he wanted to say hello.

    I don’t want this, I don’t want to see him right now, I don’t want him to contact me so he can feel less guilty. When I saw his txt I started to shake full of emotions, anger fear, excitement. I want to feel good again…

  407.  #407Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    You need to reach a point in your life where you know that being open-hearted and loving with yourself and others is why you are on the planet, and that there is no way of avoiding the loneliness and heartbreak of loving someone who is not open-hearted with you. This is why learning to manage the very challenging feeling of loneliness and heartbreak – and your helplessness over others’ choices – is so important. Without knowing how to do this, you will likely be too afraid to love.

  408.  #408Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    luzydel how do you know he is not feeling regret?

  409.  #409lk on November 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    i feel like a bxtch for not responding to QT’s txt this morning……….i do want the goodmorningtxts but…. i feel invaded with all the postdate calls, txts, then inbetweendate calls, txts…..

    i feel suspicious that he thinks he is like depositing money in my bank for a big sxx withdrawal — WHY am i so suspicious………… i’m not suspicious of everyone. thank you, lk for listening to my intuition. i know he is safe & not dangerous, but he might be a little tooquick & toohungry to be giving&patient for me… hmmmm…ok… i think i will txt back & i do want him to call me. I can heal this suspicion, & maybe I can help him to heal his quickhunger : )

  410.  #410Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    luzydel I can almost guarantee that he is at least second guessing himself. If you could only remain in your siren energy, don’t get angry and blow up on him, he will continue to second guess himself. The best thing you could do is really be happy moving on with your life looking forward to a great relationship with a man who knows he wants you. I would let him know that I have always wanted a relationship where I feel cherished and adored and it is important to me to be with someone who is open to discuss the challenges and work them through together. I know you know your worth by now and I know you can confidently share that with him when he contacts you without coming across as if you are entitled to anything from him. You have the power to create what you want. You know the man you will eventually end up with will wake up every morning feeling like the luckiest man alive. You have done a lot of work on yourself and I know it will pay off.

  411.  #411luzydel on November 15, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    @408 too

    After hearing him say I what he said, I doubt he is regreting breaking things up. I am feelin too deffensive right now.

  412.  #412Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Him reaching out to you is a lesson for keeping your heart open and being warm, even while feeling your anger.

  413.  #413lk on November 15, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Sweetgentlelk says, “Lol! Hi : ) thanks for dinner last night — it was delightful! you are a fun date : )”

    goodgirlbaby, be nice to the nice men…. ok…. easy…

  414.  #414Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    luzydel he will try to play it cool. Stay on your bridge my dear. Don’t allow him to pull you off or give him the power to push your buttons.

  415.  #415tinque on November 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    Mel – Next time you talk to him, tell you heard about such and such, and it would feel so fun to go. If you talk to him before of course. As for the rock climbing, it’s much the same thing.

    “I would love to try rock climbing. It seems like it would feel exhilarating (fun, amazing, scary fun, different, any other adjective you prefer.). What do you think?”

  416.  #416Femininewoman on November 15, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    tinque your picture is missing. Talk about synchronicity, I was here hoping you come on to help luzydel

  417.  #417lk on November 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    @Mel 399

    Yes! I think I will be wanting sex soon…. I don’t right now, which feels unfamiliar, actually…. But I can say that I want to want it LOL : ))) I do want kisses & attraction & massages & cuddling….. I do want those things!

  418.  #418Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    i was just reviewing “The List” about the 7 things….does winking at a guy online consider that I made the first move? Then he emailed me etc….but I winked first..

  419.  #419Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    also he’s been texting not calling
    Texting bugs me!
    I will bring it up on Thursday as FW suggested…
    I have to practice how to ask about these things because sometiems I come accross harshly or angry, I’m told…

  420.  #420lk on November 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    I’m imagining men as a glacier & me as the sun……. inside the glacier is a single diamond & when the sunlight hits the diamond, the whole world will be illuminated : )

  421.  #421Camille on November 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    “T” has planned a Thansgiving trip to go see his family. I dont really want to go. I want to be supportive of him because its been two years since he has been with his family. But I do not like how his mother treats me. I hate that I feel this way because its making me dread the trip, instead of being excited. And actually I dont like the way his sister treats me either.

  422.  #422Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Like if I say “Do you prefer texting over talking on the phone? I’m just curious.”
    And act all nonchalant about it…
    There is no reason to be angry Emerson….
    I’m not really angry it’s more just puzzled and frustrated with technology sometimes…

  423.  #423Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    I am having a lazy day today…resting feels good.

  424.  #424lk on November 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    @Emerson 422

    Sometimes i like to txt because it is quietsloweasy for me…. but when I do get annoyed, i just txt back:

    Oh haha… I don’t want to txt about (dinnerplans/poetry/art) : )

    then (ifthey’reanidiotcough) they will txt back, why? & i’d ignore it honestly. but if they’re a good man, they’ll txt back, oh, can I call you? or they just will call : ) oh it’s easy, yes i do love dating & i do love men haha : )))

  425.  #425lk on November 15, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Feeling easy with the poofing, but honestly some men could poof easier & i wouldn’t mind. I HATE the moneytalk with many men… Hmmm…. i have a lot to heal with this moneymoney stuff……..

    Money & Sex

    I do not want to exchange them ever for anything. I do not want to exchange anything ever, actually. I want to give & receive — nocounting.

  426.  #426tinque on November 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Hi Femininewoman – Testing gravatar. Thank you for letting me know. Luzydel you’re up next.


  427.  #427tinque on November 15, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Okay now it ought to work.

    Luzydel – He’s reaching out to you because he feels badly. This his way of apologizing. Maybe your way is too hard for him. Maybe it’s too painful for whatever reason. And maybe you’re right in that he’s just trying to alleviate his guilt.

    If you really don’t want to talk to him, then either ignore him, and delete any correspondence without reading it, or tell him exactly what you wrote above. “I don’t want to talk to you right now. I don’t want any contact.”


  428.  #428tinque on November 15, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    How about this.

  429.  #429Camille on November 15, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Any suggestions? dealing with the mother and sister in law? (big sigh) I really dont want to go…….

  430.  #430Camille on November 15, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Oh tinque….there you are! Beautiful as usual.

  431.  #431Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Camille will you be staying in their house or in a hotel?

  432.  #432Camille on November 15, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    In a hotel……my request……I simply can not stay at her house lol

  433.  #433tinque on November 15, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    testing – thank you Camille, so sweet…

  434.  #434Camille on November 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Oh now your gone again!

  435.  #435tinque on November 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    sigh, technology is a pain sometimes…


  436.  #436Starla on November 15, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    CF invited me to another thanksgiving with his sister and brother in law and their baby…i am already going to see those family members at his mom’s thanksgiving dinner on a different day. i declined because one thanksgiving dinner with strangers is all i can handle. i don’t exactly enjoy being an orphan and eating with strangers makes me really feel like one.

    i am going to meet his mom, though, and i am starting to feel very nervous. i wasn’t nervous before, but since he invited me to yet another thanksgiving and i declined because i felt uncomfortable, now i’m terrified of the other dinner too, for some reason!

  437.  #437Camille on November 15, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Starla, I hope my mentioning my mother-in -law and family didnt add to your anxiety……I am certain his mother will adore you! Shes the only woman I have ever met that makes me feel this way… I think they are few and far between…….you should get excited about meeting his family and learning more about him…

  438.  #438Starla on November 15, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    CF said his mom already adores me because she knows how much I mean to him, and that she got me a xmas present already and he said it’s the most thoughtful gift he’s ever heard of anyone getting for anyone…

    I’m a little more worried about his sister. We grew up in school together (3rd grade all the way to graduation) and when I was dating CF in the 9th grade, she did NOT like me and was very vocal about it).

    But I don’t think it’s an issue any longer. It’s been 12 years. and they are so close, I know she will just be happy for him. Plus they’re big pot-heads, and I have that whole “weed legalization” campaign thing I do.

    I hope they don’t think I’m a weirdo for not showing up to their dinner on top of the one with the mom. I can only handle so much cooking and cleaning with strangers in one week.

  439.  #439Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Camille one of my ex’s Mom treated me like I was invisible. She would make comments to hurt me, etc. At one family event, I simply told my ex I was leaving the party and he left with me. Hmmphf.
    It was unpleasant.
    So I feel your pain.
    However, I think if you’re staying in a hotel (smart) then you just have to get thru the visit and then look forward to debriefing/relaxing time at the hotel after…that’s good.
    While you’re visiting maybe try doing the waterwheel and remember the visit is only temporary…
    I don’t know if that helps..
    I have done the waterwheel on people that don’t like me and it seems to help…

  440.  #440Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    In addition, Camille you have every right to speak your boundaries if they are ugly to you and say “I don’t want to be spoken to in such a manner, it feels bad” and then you’ve stood up for yourself….or if it’s really bad, leave. I know it may appear rude, but I’ve learned that it’s not worth any holiday to stick around sh*tty people for the sake of keeping the peace.

  441.  #441flower on November 15, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    camille : didnt mean like that, i meet all sorts boring ones 😉 the unique is always most likely to be dangerous, i like the emotional stuff , i dont feel loved by my parents even nowadays so its self explantory and i realised that working with tools hmm ok it helps not doing stupid things (though im quite good at that after all the bad experiences as i stay aware of controlling myself if thats way to put it )

    just now i keep seeing his huge diluted pupils from last nite 2cms away from my eyes , never seen them like that so looks like thats the problem he might have now

    with all guys in the past id move on , get out, though and this one is different id want him to get the help he needs and treat this head issues he has if its possible and reporting this won’t magically get a doctor to come to him

  442.  #442Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Starla I think one turkey day dinner is need to elaborate or overthink it. Just my two cents. I feel like an orphan of sorts as well…since most of my family lives far…I’ve spend many many a Thanksgiving with friends, friends families, boyfriends families, etc…and I’ve opted out of Thanksgiving for many years as well and just stayed home! I may do that this year too, although I’ve been invited to go to a family friends’ house…I feel a lil bit akward because I’m the only single one and they all talk about babies, kids, husbands, soccer, pregnancy, etc. and I get rolly eyed about it all after about 2 hours of that jeeeeezzz….. 🙄

  443.  #443tinque on November 15, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Camille – On your dilemma. It all depends how serious you are about T and what you want going forward. If this feels like a potentially forever kind of relationship, if you want this kind of relationship with him, then you may consider going anyway.

    You know how to deal with difficult people. You are on this blog after all. Any comments which don’t feel great, ignore them. If it’s excessive, then say “this doesn’t feel good” or “this feels bad”. And then you leave the room, or go talk to someone more agreeable.

    If this isn’t a serious looking relationship and you really don’t want to go, don’t go.


  444.  #444Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    hi Tinque :-)\\

    Sirens et al…
    I need some feedback about boundaries…my boss jokes around with me too much sometimes, and it feels bad.
    It’s his way of relating to me I guess, and I’ve allowed it, and we teach people how to treat us…but I don’t like it.
    I’ve talked to him about it but he still does it too much. Can you help me think of a feeling message I can use that’s kind of universal….to tell him I don’t like it?

  445.  #445luzydel on November 15, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Tinque and FW thanks, I understand and I guess I am trying to demonize him to make it easy for me to move on. His txt was casual, he started with a Hi, and asked me about job etc. I replied after relaxing, because I froze with nervousness. I just answered his questions and did not asked about him, I wanted to cut him off.

    I need some time to feel warm inside, it has been four days, I need to heal.

  446.  #446Starla on November 15, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    thank you emerson:)

    my boy energy can handle this one, i think. he can pick out a nice outfit for me to wear, do my makeup and hair nice for me, make me some relaxing chamomile tea to sip on before i head over, and he can find a box of chocolates or wine (probably the wine lol) to bring over to dinner.

    I am imagining my boy energy comforting me, like “Don’t you worry about a thing, Starla, this will be easy and fun for you…I’ll make sure everything goes smoothly so you just sit back”

  447.  #447~ Violet ~ on November 15, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Hello, Sirs and Sirens

    I appreciate the feedback for my comment @ 190. The replies I received enabled me to gain a different perspective on things.

    I would like to clarify that I was not angry. I was sad. I truly think stress and sadness go hand-in-hand at times.

    Sometimes It’s SO hard to be patient because I want to see immediate results. I think I was putting the ‘cart before the horse’, overanalyzing, overreacting, etc…

    I will continue my ‘baby steps’, and look into the two books that were mentioned.

    Thank you again for your feedback,

    ~ Violet ~

  448.  #448Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    446 Wow Starla I really like your vision of your boy energy taking care of you…its’ really inspiring to read 🙂
    My boy energy needs to take me to traffic court soon….waaahh…

  449.  #449Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    @ Violet – glad that you stayed and have a different perspective. Yes it is hard to deal with a broken heart but as time moves on you will be stronger.

    Glad to have you!!!!!

  450.  #450Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Has anyone answered fernanda yet? Just curious….

  451.  #451Mochaberri on November 15, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    @ Starla,

    Funny we are in sync today. My boy energy was raging today! Had a sales person visit the house this morning and I totally stepped into my boy energy and asked him to get to the bottom line – when can I get the new system installed and how much? Maybe I was hungry…lol

    Anyways, I need to find things to practice to not let my boy energy take over outside of work and handling business. An old CD told me that I should not approach my private life like I approach my work day…think he was on to something..

    Any suggestions??

  452.  #452Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    450 I missed the post from Fernanda…??? what number is it..

  453.  #453Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Aww I got my haircut ladies…it looks cute…was gonna do nails too but I’m tired! Maybe will do it myself…and save $$

  454.  #454fernanda on November 15, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    no one one has 🙁

  455.  #455Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Hi Fernanda…what number is your post?

  456.  #456Starla on November 15, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    fernanda is 231
    hint: ctrl+f allows you to find names

  457.  #457April Rose on November 15, 2011 at 3:40 pm


    How did it come about that it was you that moved out of your shared home?

  458.  #458Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    aw thanks starla! I didn’t know that. 🙂

  459.  #459Emerson on November 15, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Wow Fernanda,,,I am sorry to hear about your breakup…I know it must be painful and difficult that you had to move!
    Hmm to me it sounds like he is giving you mixed messages…stating that he is wanting time and space but then wanting you to be there for his bday and be there when he wants the comfort and attention.

    I’m not good at giving advice but from the story you tell, it sounds like he is having a personal dilemma that probably has nothing to do with you individually. He has to sort it out….and that can feel so frustrating.

    I have found it comforting to riff out my feelings on the blog here so I can more effectively express my feelings when actually talking to “him” whoever he may be at the moment…..I hope you find it helpful too…sorry I don’t have any stellar words of wisdom but you have siren support here…

  460.  #460Mel on November 15, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    F*ck, F*ck, F*ck!!!

    Architect’s profile has been “active” on Match within the last 24 hours. This is AFTER he sent me the confirmation that he removed it altogether.


    I feel crushed, I feel confused. I feel stupid. I feel unsafe. I feel so sad.

    I don’t know what to do. What should I do? 🙁

  461.  #461LILI 41 on November 15, 2011 at 3:55 pm


    Ah Mel!
    I would so go indoor rockclimbing with you if we lived close.
    I took a beginners course with my x and we got certified so we could go anywhere.

    There are 3 places around here.

  462.  #462April Rose on November 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    I feel bad. Guilty.

    I live with a good man, who is becoming more attentive and affectionate since I’ve been practicing Rori’s tools.

    But I worry because I’m often doubting if he is the one for me.

    I didn’t talk about him proudly to the men at guitar club. It was they who brought up the subject of my man. “how is he?” one of them asked me. “Oh, always in overalls working”, was my vague answer. The next question was “don’t you leap on him passionately while he’s wearing his overalls?”

    I felt frozen and awkward. I want those men to carry on flirting with me. I want them to feel they have a chance with me. I felt too terrified to disclose my affection for my man, to them. Now I feel bad because I betrayed my Sunshine and didn’t claim him publicly.
    The man I secretly adore was there. I’m entertaining a fantasy in my mind that he is the one.

    This feels bad. And wrong. And something that’s come up to heal. I’m terrified of betraying or being betrayed.

  463.  #463Mel on November 15, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    I’m making an account for OK Cupid. Tears are running down my face.

    The next time Architect asks me over for anything sexual, I’ll say… I told you I only DATE men who are seeing other people. I don’t sleep with them.

    I feel SOOOOOO angry! Am I jumping to conclusions?

  464.  #464Starla on November 15, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    hahahahahahaha mel, he was probably checking to see when yours was last active

    hahahaha i feel cracking up amused.

  465.  #465Starla on November 15, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    Sorry my lovely Mel, I don’t mean I’m laughing at you, I mean I’m laughing at the irony of it all, because I bet you 10 bucks that’s all he was doing. And I can only imagine his feelings, like…how do i get this woman to take me seriously? hehehehe

  466.  #466April Rose on November 15, 2011 at 4:04 pm


    How do you experience the tool of ‘falling to your knees’ when such a powerful emotion overtakes you?

    When you intend to go deep into the emotion, feel it in your pelvis as deeply as you can, then see what happens.

    I’d really be curious to know

  467.  #467Mel on November 15, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    He knows mine has not been active in months.

    I felt a little twinge of something this weekend. He was checking his emails and I was there (not looking) and he said “Oh… I don’t know why match keeps sending me emails!” and there was one that said he had 10 new messages. I thought it strange, since Match doesn’t continue to send me emails. Meh. Maybe he was trying to figure that out?

    Should I say something. I feel sick to my stomach!

  468.  #468Starla on November 15, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Mel, yes, you could talk to him about it, ESPECIALLY if it’s going to eat you up. Definitely write out a little script first.

    I really don’t think you need to assume he is deceiving you, no matter how you decide to handle this.

  469.  #469Mel on November 15, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    I don’t know HOW I would bring this up….

    But there’s no way i’m sleeping with him again until I know for sure!

    I’m making myself a lovely profile on OK cupid and then I’m going to go to the gym to burn-off some steam.

    I really don’t have a clue what to do.

  470.  #470Starla on November 15, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Mel, what happened? did you actively check up on him on match and that’s how you discovered this?

  471.  #471Mel on November 15, 2011 at 4:20 pm


    Yup! I felt a little uneasy since the email thing this weekend. It just triggered me. Before that I just took him at his word. I just found it strange because Match never emails me. My “boy energy” took over and wanted to protect me. Since sex is involved.

    I’m feeling a little numb now.

  472.  #472April Rose on November 15, 2011 at 4:23 pm


    Please don’t go numb.
    This is a great chance to go into the anger and go through it and heal.

    But that’s probably the last thing you want to hear right now.

  473.  #473