The Way Of Transformation

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intimacyI came upon an old box of things I’d saved, and this passage, from a workshop I once did with the great Georgina Lindsay-Carroll, was among the papers.  To me – this is all about Circular Dating:

A man who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers him refuge and comfort and encourages his old self to survive. Rather, he will seek out someone who will faithfully and inexorably help him to risk himself, so that he may endure the suffering and pass courageously through it, thus making of it a “raft that leads to the far shore.”

Only to the extent that man exposes himself over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible arise
within him. In this lies the dignity of daring.

Thus, the aim of practice is not to develop an attitude which allows a man to acquire a state of harmony and peace where nothing can ever trouble him: on the contrary, practice should teach him to let himself be assaulted, perturbed, moved, insulted, broken and battered – that is to say, it should enable him to dare to let go his futile hankering after harmony, surcease from pain, and a comfortable life in order that he may discover, in doing battle with the forces that oppose him, that which awaits him beyond the world of opposites.

The first necessity is that we should have the courage to face life, and to encounter all that is most perilous in the world. When this is possible, meditation itself becomes the means by which we accept and welcome the demons which arise from the unconscious – a process very different from the practice of concentration on some object as a protection against such forces.

Only if we venture repeatedly through zones of annihilation can our contact with Divine Being, which is beyond annihilation, become firm and stable. The more a man learns whole-heartedly to confront the world that threatens him with isolation, the more are the depths of the Ground of Being revealed and the possibilities of new life and Becoming opened.

From the book:  The Way of Transformation by Karlfried Graf von Durckheim

***Also – A reminder about my new 4-week teleclass on Mondays at 5:30 PST – “How To Find Love, Reconnect Love, and Keep Love Forever” starting on Monday January 30th.  Go here to find out more about it and sign up:

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1lk on January 27, 2012 at 7:18 am

    “Thus, the aim of practice is not to develop an attitude which allows a man to acquire a state of harmony and peace where nothing can ever trouble him: on the contrary, practice should teach him to let himself be assaulted, perturbed, moved, insulted, broken and battered – that is to say, it should enable him to dare to let go his futile hankering after harmony, surcease from pain, and a comfortable life in order that he may discover, in doing battle with the forces that oppose him, that which awaits him beyond the world of opposites.”

    wow. thank you, rori.

  2.  #2Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 7:29 am

    I will text him. I just can’t help myself… Been waitin for too long… What is the less dammagable think I could write?

  3.  #3Iamabutterfly on January 27, 2012 at 7:30 am

    this feels soooo deep. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

  4.  #4lk on January 27, 2012 at 7:31 am

    & from Rori’s e-letter:

    “An attack is a cry for love.”

    i really want to remember & believe this.

    thank you so much for sharing your inspirations with us…. i feel really lucky to have found this community.

  5.  #5Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 7:31 am

    Wow!!! I love this!! It feels so fitting…and will help me when I think I need to make it “easier” for a guy 🙂

    and for the record I ended things with the man who read my journal but he keeps calling..but he won’t leave a message…but I think he likes it…well that’s the feeling I get anyway…I think men like that…putting themselves out there….interesting….

    I just got back from Hawaii and it feels great to be back 🙂

  6.  #6Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Too late… I did it. I sent a text… I don’t feel bad about it yet… Maybe if I don’t get an answer, I’ll have my answer…

  7.  #7Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Jilly I have been missing you.

  8.  #8Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 7:48 am

    dang it…sirens…I think I need to go back to step one of being a siren lol

    ok..when I am NOT interested in a man I will lean forward…SOMETIMES…ok I totally admit this…

    On Thursday this guy from POF started texting me and I didn’t feel interested AT ALL and then when I had a 3 hr lay over on Friday I felt bored so I texted him…and we ended up having one of the flirtiest texting convos EVER and it felt AWESOME…so then on Saturday I texted him again the next day and it just kept getting better and better…then who gets RETARDED???!!!! ME!!!!!!

    I started creating this image in my head…then on Sunday I texted and he didn’t text back for 5 HOURS…and then when he did he said..”hey you sorry I was away from my phone, how are you? what did you do today?” but my VIBE was so kinked I couldn’t respond…so the next day he texted again…

    Ladies…I couldn’t get my vibe back to ROCKSTAR 🙁 I kept texting stupid stuff that felt weird lol so then I asked if he wanted to talk for a minute…even worse!!! but my texting was so off I knew it was a bad idea to keep texting…uggg I felt like I was drowning…

    then he said he was going to sleep…so the next day he called and left a message…and then I returned his call…but he didn’t pick up then he sent a text saying “it’s not a good time to talk” and I didn’t respond because I felt funny…

    so that’s IT…I know this sounds babyish because I don’t even know this guy…what is it in me that gets caught up in these men I don’t even know…that’s twice in the last few weeks…

    I don’t like that about me…

    I love that about me…I love that I have such a great imagination that I create these amazing men all around me lol

    it’s interesting when I can “lean forward” and when I can’t and when I do and what happens to me when I do…I feel like if I had never leaned forward on Sunday everything would be different right now…this feels interesting…because then my vibe wouldn’t have been off and I could have been the happy, vibrant, witty Jilly that I am

    am I causing men to lose attraction? 🙁

    yikes this feels bad…

  9.  #9Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Ok now I feel bad… a little bit. I feel scared that he will not reply…

  10.  #10Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 7:52 am

    Femininewoman…I heart you 🙂 Just as I was writing I was thinking about you and if you would be here 🙂

  11.  #11Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 7:52 am

    Jilly it is practice as far as I am concerned. We need those toads, ones that we are not attracted to, to practice and truly learn about our power. That way, we get it right when the ones who make us giddy show up.

  12.  #12Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Lizka…it’s ok…don’t feel bad…since you did it…what if you thought of it like an “experiment”? just to see…

  13.  #13lk on January 27, 2012 at 7:54 am

    @Lizka 2

    i’d say

    hello…. i feel funny & quiet over here not hearing from you : )

    but i really wouldn’t want to txt him…

    i don’t want to Do Work to keep a man in my life if he isn’t making me feel special & lovely : )

  14.  #14Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Being mysterious is all about letting the guy know you’re interested, without appearing eager. Being aloof is appearing disinterested, unavailable and unapproachable.

    Here’s an example of a conversation in which a woman appears eager, not mysterious:

    John: I love the Lakers

    Jessica: I love the Lakers too! We have so much in common. We should go to a Laker game together some time soon! I’m free this weekend – I think they’re playing!

    In the above example, Jessica comes across as eager. By not holding anything back, she doesn’t create the necessary tension to get John to take the lead and ask her out. Using this approach, John will likely walk away from this conversation feeling that Jessica came on too strong, and he’ll probably make up an excuse to NOT go to the Laker game with her that weekend.

    Here’s an example of the same conversation, but this time Jessica comes across as aloof:

    John: I love the Lakers

    Jessica: Cool.

    If you’re responding to men using one-word answers and putting out the vibe that you aren’t interested, you’re probably coming across as aloof, not mysterious. In this example, John will walk away believing that Jessica wasn’t into him, and he’ll find someone else who is able to express her interest.

    Now, here’s the same exact conversation, only this time Jessica uses mystery correctly:

    John: I love the Lakers.

    Jessica: Oh, so do I! I always have the BEST time at games.

    John: Really? Maybe we should go to one together.

    In the above example, Jessica expressed her interest and engaged John in the conversation, without overpowering him and taking over. She let him know she is interested, but she let HIM ultimately be the one to take the lead and suggest getting together.

    For more tips on using mystery to attract men, click here to watch today’s Dating Den!

    Big hugs,


  15.  #15Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Ok ouuuuffffff. He replied within 20 minutes. Just “lol, I have a meeting in 5 minutes, we’ll talk later”…

    I feel stupide.

  16.  #16Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 8:00 am

    FW…yes…it’s fun to me to be a “rockstar” and do what I want when I want lol…but it back fires when all of a sudden I realize I am talking to someone I could really like lol…

    or maybe it doesn’t really matter what I do??

    like with the recent military man…I feel like I “played” all my cards right…with leaning back and staying open and not initiating anything…

    then with this POF guy..I kind of did the opposite because I wasn’t interested…I totally leaned forward lol and things felt great until one time I lean forward and he didn’t respond in the “appropriate” amount of time lol oh my hell!!! lol

    yes…it IS all practice…

  17.  #17Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Ahhh lk. I should have see your message before… It sounds better than what I wrote… 🙁

  18.  #18Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 8:05 am

    FW…YES! the mystery!!

    When texting with POF guy, I commented that he seemed familiar and he said “yes so do you” …then he said…”lets pretend we don’t though” I laughed and said “oh I like the mystery lol” he said..”yes..yes I do”

    yes the eager thing..NOT good

  19.  #19Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Lizka, ‘I miss you’ is a great message, no need to specify, explain or blame. Just lean back now! when he calls you express your boundary or its version. i.e. if he asks you for drinks you dont want to hint that he is asking for more than that.

  20.  #20Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 8:22 am

    also when texting with POF guy…I used Christian Carter’s questions to ask a guy from his ebook…AND he loved it!!

    what are your weaknesses when it comes to women?
    what are you looking for in a woman that you haven’t found yet?

  21.  #21Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 8:24 am

    then he said “Did I pass?” lol

    I replied…”well…it’s just information that’s going in the file lol”

    then he laughed too

  22.  #22Camille on January 27, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Good Morning Sirens,

    Still no word from “T” ??????

    Uggg…I feel so uncared about by him.
    So de-valued. Its like what I have given him for years and years means absolutely nothing.

    How do people pull away with no contact after that many years and just dont care?

    I cant do it. He didnt even say good bye to the kids?

    How am I going to let him come and get the rest of his things without bomblasting him about what a cold heartless …………….he is>?

    Thats just how I feel right nwo

  23.  #23Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Camille he could also be feeling rejected.

  24.  #24Mel on January 27, 2012 at 8:26 am


    Apparently we can become woman-crack for men… 😉

    I got a text this morning: “I had a difficult time letting you go this morning; I need another fix of snuggles. Would you like to spend the weekend with us?”

    Um… firstly, soooo sweet! Secondly… a semi-colon? Nice!! *swoon*

    This feels GREAT! I also feel a little nervous because I will be bringing my doggies with me this time and it’s sort of a “test” to see if he’s allergic (he has various animal allergies). I also tend to be quite allergic to many different critters, and my pups don’t bug me at all…. so fingers crossed!!!

  25.  #25Mel on January 27, 2012 at 8:29 am


    What did he say when he left? Did he say he just needed some time? You don’t have to answer… just curious. I was just thinking about that article that was posted yesterday about believing what men say.


  26.  #26Rose on January 27, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Mm very interesting article from Rori..

    Femininewoman thank you for sharing #14, so true..

  27.  #27lk on January 27, 2012 at 8:31 am

    i don’t feel like i’m “falling in love”…. i feel like i’m finding love inside myself…. like, unearthing it… gently, like an archaeologist excavating a lost rarity

  28.  #28Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 8:34 am

    How to be a more feminine woman: slow down

    Each woman dancer is completely focused on herself and her own body, giving her an other-worldly etherial detachment that pulls you in. Each is in her own world gracefully using her arms and hands — it’s hypnotic. Their bodies moved as one, swaying slightly, it’s only their arms and hands moving purposely through the air that tell the story.

  29.  #29Rose on January 27, 2012 at 8:34 am

    #26 lk yes that is the feeling I noticed Rori I think mentions, women fall in love with themselves in a man’s presence..

    You are so poetic by the way, I love your musings…

  30.  #30Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Unavailable men are people too
    If you’ve been involved with unavailable men you might have a better chance at discerning who the tough cases are. If you’ve learn from you mistakes in the past you will be able to figure out if a particular man is worth you giving him a chance. If you think he has the ability to change, you have to move forward with your eyes wide open. There is no room here for “wishful hoping.

    If you want to open him up you need to model for him your strength by being vulnerable yourself. (True vulnerablity is strength and if you avoid it, it makes you weak.)

    You can help to build up his self-esteem by guiding him gently into trusting you as a woman.

  31.  #31lk on January 27, 2012 at 8:39 am

    also, i thought i stopped being afraid of Losing CDcd… but i felt the fear resume today. it’s weird, because it was when *I* was changing plans with him & saying i didn’t want to try to meet for lunch…. & when i said he could come earlier to pick me up, he sounded super excited…… no logical causal relationship right now between events & my emotions.

    first night apart in 2 weeks & i still called him & talked for an hour ?? bizarre.

    he does feel like a drug to me : / i don’t want that !

  32.  #32Camille on January 27, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Thanks Mel and FW

    He left last Fri night saying he needed time away……
    He called Sun. night and said Im coming to get some things.

    I assumed he meant get his things and leave…… Monday morning I set all of his stuff that was in the bedroom aside so he wouldnt have to be long at the house.

    Monday, he said he was feeling depressed and didnt want to bring everyone else down so he was leaving, And he thought it might be best if he left permanently, then in the next breath said he was going to a friend of ours to visit for a few days.

    He hugged me and then I went to give him a little peck good bye and he said he didnt want a kiss right now, maybe in a few days… Im confused.

  33.  #33Mel on January 27, 2012 at 8:40 am


    I need some ideas on how to lovingly take care of myself.

    In the love languages book, my #1 is physical touch (not necessarily sexual, although that’s GREAT). Without it, I feel so wilted and crinkled and grumpy and droopy.

    So in the spirit of being a true siren, and not becoming dependent on any one person in order to receive physical touch, what are some alternative ways I can fulfill this need in myself?

    Things I’ve tried that work somewhat: long hot baths, applying lotion, going for a run, dancing, physical exercise…

    Any others that you ladies can come up with? I hate feeling deprived

    I bet Dominique can weigh-in here… 🙂

  34.  #34lk on January 27, 2012 at 8:42 am

    awww, thank you Rose : )

  35.  #35Mel on January 27, 2012 at 8:42 am


    I think he just needs some time… he doesn’t seem too sure of himself. He’s likely feeling confused too.

  36.  #36Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Camille I can understand why you are confused. The thing is to take your mind off him. He is going to do what he wants to do. I know it is difficult but getting a fulfilling life is your best bet right now rather than focussing on what he is or isn’t doing. Focussing on his behavior won’t help you in any way.

  37.  #37lk on January 27, 2012 at 8:45 am


    sometimes i ask for hugs from people. i think a lot of people need more Touch than they receive : )

    are there people in your life who you would feel comfortable opening up to, saying something like, “ah i just feel aching for a hug…. can we hug?”

    that sounds SO weird when i’m trying to describe it…

  38.  #38Camille on January 27, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Mel, Thats what I was thinking
    so Ive just allowed him his space.
    And I know they say what they mean, but he didnt sound sure with words, but its been so many days without any contact or any actions…… since im not hearing him Im watching his actions.

    Which today say to me………
    I want to be away from you and our family.

  39.  #39Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Mel I am wondering about skin brushing and massages. What do you think a spa treat for Valentine’s?

  40.  #40Goodheart on January 27, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Team Self-Esteem – I need help.

    One minute I am loving myself so much & then the next I am feeling fragile & vulnerable & exposed.

    Yesterday I did not hear from my man all day – this almost never happens. We always connect daily. By evening, I started to get worried so I texted to see if everything was ok. After about 10 mins, I had to shut my phone off during yoga so I didn’t get his reply until after. He had actually called & then texted. During yoga I felt very peaceful & loving of myself, but then as I was driving home & saw that he was ok I felt really bad. Mad actually (why is hard to write that?)

    When I got home, he came out to my car to help me carry my bag, but I said, “I got it.” (wrong thing, I know – I was upset). I could tell that upset him. He stayed in the garage while I took a shower. When he came in we just cuddled for a little bit without talking. I just said I didn’t feel very good. He rubbed my back. He knew I was upset, but I just couldn’t talk about it & that is where I always struggle.

    Ugh. I feel like such an infant. I feel so sad & defeated. Why can’t I talk about my feelings? It’s like I feel like I don’t have the right to be upset & I know this is wrong, but I have this inner conflict where I feel upset, but I try not to be & then it comes out as just – silence. Crickets. Tension.

    This morning before he left for work, he was trying to be playful & I tried to be, but then I just said, “Babe, I felt forgotten yesterday.” And then tears sprang up. He said, “I know. I’m sorry.” And then launched into an explanation. I said I understand that he’s busy & stressed, but I don’t like feeling like I did yesterday. It feels bad & brings up old stuff. I said I don’t need an explanation or anything, I just wanted to say how I was feeling.

    I really tried not to blame him, but I’m sure he felt that way.

    And the thing is – I really do know that this is about me. It has nothing to do with him. It’s that fear of losing affection, becoming less important that stems from past things. I get that.

    I know it’s ok to feel the way I do, but I just want to get better at expressing it in the moment & not blaming.

    He was so good about it. He really listened & knows I struggle with expressing my upset feelings so he told me all that I did right & how he sees it as progress. He said “that’s what we do for each other – we help each other get better, little by little. It’s ok to tell me you need communication.” I said, “But a girl doesn’t like to feel like she has to tell a man to think about her.” (tears are on my cheeks now) He said, “You’re not telling me to think about you. You’re telling me to communicate with you. I love you. I want you to be happy.”

    I want me to be happy too. And mostly I want him to know that he’s making me happy. That’s why I want to heal this block I have with expressing myself, letting things fester. I want it to go like this:

    He comes to help me with my bag. I give him a kiss and thank you.
    Inside the house I say, ‘Babe, I felt forgotten today. I know you love me, but I’m just a girl. A girl who needs contact to feel connected.”

    That would have been much better, no? Why can’t I do that? Why?

    I so want to heal this. I feel like a little baby just trying to figure out how to communicate & stumbling all over the place & looking like, well, a baby.

  41.  #41Mel on January 27, 2012 at 8:50 am


    I feel silly asking, but what’s skin brushing? What kind of brush do you use? It sounds interesting…

  42.  #42lilybelly on January 27, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Climbing out of the soup….

    Not quite ready to swing my leg up and over my horse…but getting there..

  43.  #43lk on January 27, 2012 at 8:53 am


    now i want to kiss you ! no peck ? poor, sweet girl…..

    i feel anger & hurt welling up from past no-kiss moments…………………. ah it hurts ! i don’t want that !!! & i remember someone saying to me, “what does this mean?” & me thinking….. well….. it means i have to leave because you can’t give me what i want. & i feel so sad & like kicking him, like, you idiot ! why did you make me think you could make me happy ???? lol…. ok, but now i’m kind of like, well, actually, lk…. why were you looking for him to make you happy ? my happiness doesn’t depend on a man. ahhhh that feels untrue too. my happiness is dependent on men. many men. & also, i know that i attach myself in this world……………………… i’m picturing all the ties, all the attachments, all the vows…………………………………….. ummm….. hm. yes, it feels more balanced to love all the men & all the women equally. but what about CD & how it would feel to have distance between us ? ohhh silly lk…….. you lived your whole life without him & you will always be separate from him, even in the depths of intimacy. awww (((lk))) poor girl…

  44.  #44Goodheart on January 27, 2012 at 8:55 am

    lk, #26, beautiful.

  45.  #45Starla on January 27, 2012 at 8:55 am

    mel, a semicolon! swooooooooooooooon yes yes yes i love it

  46.  #46Camille on January 27, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Thanks FW

    Thanks for the reminder, I dont need to run out and get a fuller life though lol

    I have so much going on its chaotic…..I always have.

    Im just one of those people that hates “not knowing” its an issue I have to heal. Cause I know it doesnt change a damn thing……….if I know what hes thinking or feeling……………just confused and wanting to analyze and thats dumb I know

  47.  #47Starla on January 27, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Mel 32 – i love going to the spa for a facial. Super relaxing and makes you look good too!

  48.  #48lk on January 27, 2012 at 9:02 am

    & also, i will always think of Spooky Action at a Distance when i feel disconnected… & be cautious with the permanent vows my energy has made to Attach… i want to feel aware of the vastness of my own Physics……. i want to move gently… i want to meet all forces, all particles, all light & i want to tether myself to them all – permanently & instantly – so that i can have that balance & get No Attachment.

    please help me to do this.

  49.  #49Goodheart on January 27, 2012 at 9:03 am

    One other thing I said to him was, “when I feel forgotten, I feel like pulling away, protecting myself.”

    He said, “that’s the opposite of what you need to do.” Smart man.

    I feel like I make mountains out of mole hills sometimes & wish I could just accept that he loves me & I don’t have to take little things & turn them into big ones. Even if he can’t connect sometimes during the day, he’s still thinking of me. Of course he is. He is all wound up in me. I just need to accept that fact. He loves me – inside out & top to bottom. Good, bad, quirky. All of me. And that’s because I’m loveable. Even more so when I’m vulnerable & honest.

  50.  #50Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Mel I would go to a health food store and ask for a recommendation. They have brushes with different kind of bristles. You might wish to test to see what you feel comfortable with.

  51.  #51lk on January 27, 2012 at 9:04 am

    @Femininewoman 27

    “How to be a more feminine woman: slow down”

    yummy i love slowness & easiness….. that is what i want in my Relationships…….. time to think & grow…. infinite time, actually. infinite space.

  52.  #52Goodheart on January 27, 2012 at 9:09 am

    lk, me too (#47) – that is very much what I want.

    I would like to place my order to the Universe for this 🙂

  53.  #53Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Goodheart “When I got home, he came out to my car to help me carry my bag, but I said, “I got it.” (wrong thing, I know – I was upset). I could tell that upset him. He stayed in the garage while I took a shower. When he came in we just cuddled for a little bit without talking. I just said I didn’t feel very good. He rubbed my back. He knew I was upset, but I just couldn’t talk about it & that is where I always struggle.”

    This sounds like where a wall might have gone up and where I believe unzippering your heart would have helped. Maybe you might wish to keep a visual of your heart in a big plastic bag with the zipper open and practice imagining it all the time.

  54.  #54light heart on January 27, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Margaret Lynch Ignite Your Power event

    light heart

  55.  #55Ella on January 27, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I haven’t completely cut ties with MCW ….

    Although I have moved away and made it clear I will not accept b-sh8t.

    And he keeps messaging and texting and stuff and the thing is I can feel in myself that I don’t feel the same as before he lied to me.

    Its like some of me has shut down… And I feel less connected and slightly turned off.

    But I am still communicating at times with FMs about how I am feeling.

    Like when he contacts me with lovey, dovey messages, and part of me still likes it, and then I feel angry, cus how can I still want a man who lied to me…

    And then I feel my heart closing off.

    And it all feels like a battle inside. Too hard.

    So today I thought, this feels too draining, maybe I just need some space for a few days.

    But rather than present a solution, which is what I normally do when I am feeling stressed in a situation with a man I thought I would just express.

    So I replied to his text with ‘I am still feeling tense and disconnected.’

    No kisses.

    I know it may sound a little harsh and it is true.

    And anyway now it has gone quiet and the texts from him have stopped for now.

    And now I am immediately missing them.


    Oh, well, maybe I can sink into my feelings.

    And have some healing space for me.

    To find my equilibrium again. My balance.

    Have a Zumba class soon, which always provides a kinda good distraction and relief from whatever I am feeling.

  56.  #56lk on January 27, 2012 at 9:15 am

    i was thinking how interesting to make the bodhisattva vow & that i desire both to make & break it…. but i can see that making conflicting vows is GOOD. i want to make all the vows. i vow to make all the vows & i vow to make no vows : )

  57.  #57Mel on January 27, 2012 at 9:16 am


    Does skin brushing have any other benefits besides feeling good?

  58.  #58Mel on January 27, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Ha ha Starla!

    I know hey! I told him that his use of creative punctuation turns me on; I think I may have a semicolon fetish. He replied using waaaaaaaay too many semicolons. Perhaps a little of a good thing goes a long way? 🙂

  59.  #59Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Mel…it’s really really good for your skin…to exfoliate it allows your skin to breath and produce new skin helps detoxify too 🙂 I do it almost every morning right before jump in the shower

  60.  #60Goodheart on January 27, 2012 at 9:28 am

    A wall, yes, FW. I don’t want walls. I have come such a very long way & I don’t want to backslide.

    When I am upset, none of the tools ever come to me. I have been this way my entire life – walls up, heart closed. (that was hard for me to admit, just now).

    I have opened up more in the past 2 years than I ever have before, it’s just times like these when the heart zippers up.

    My appreciation for me is that I do know it’s getting better – I unzipper a lot quicker than I used to, so if I can unzipper just a little quicker each time, before I know it I won’t be zippering at all?

  61.  #61Starla on January 27, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Mel, I know I’m not FW, but skin brushing’s feel-good is the cherry on top!! it is great for circulation, release of toxins, and lymphatic drainage (which is why you brush towards the heart)

    It also seriously reduces cellulite!

  62.  #62lk on January 27, 2012 at 9:34 am

    i can disagree about anything & feel any way i want & feel safe expressing any minute thought or whim or vision or reaction that crosses my mind……

    i can do that if the safety of the Relationship is affirmed constantly. the Assumption must be that the Relationship is Permanent in this life.

    that feels good & terrifying to imagine. like….. how do you ever know you’re ready to make a relationship vow like in marriage? that sounds…. difficult.

  63.  #63Mel on January 27, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Thanks FW, Starla, Jilly & lk. All great advice!

  64.  #64Dominique on January 27, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Mel – #32 I’m very much a needing physical touch too. What helps me A LOT are my ballet classes which you are doing.

    Also laying naked in bed and running my fingers slowly and lightly across my skin, especially the more sensitive spots which can and do shift around.

    I do a breast massage ritual/meditation which helps ground me as well, calm and soothe too.

    Self-pleasuring is always good though since I get very regular sex, this for me can feel a bit empty.

    Massages are one my favorite things though spendy.

    Something simple like getting a free make-over helps.

    I get my lashes done once a month, and this helps.

    Facials. Manicures/pedicures.

    Go find someone you enjoy, a girlfriend say, and ask for a big hug. I kiss my friends on the lips (no tongue lol); this too really helps me feel my heart and love inside as well as helps me reconnect.

    If I think of more later, I’ll add to the list.


  65.  #65light heart on January 27, 2012 at 9:44 am

    I LOVE dry skin brushing! Thank you for the reminder, I feel moved to get back to doing it more often!

    light heart

  66.  #66Starla on January 27, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I noticed sometimes when I get irritated or confused, that CF gets scared, or defensive, or worried or something…

    i want to heal this.

    a good example of this is when we’re not understanding each other on the phone either cuz i have to talk super quiet while my roommate sleeps, or because it’s windy outside, or he is getting bad reception in the middle of nowhere.

  67.  #67lk on January 27, 2012 at 9:46 am

    oh, i have to Trust Myself & also Hear Myself

    i can speak up & i can listen

    i can fall & i can get up

  68.  #68Dominique on January 27, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Goodheart – #39 – From the last thread.

    Goodheart – I think you expressed yourself beautifully. And he got it, beautifully.

    Insecurities like this can feel challenging. I can still have them come up too. We probably all do. It’s part of being a human, a perfectly imperfect goddess woman.


  69.  #69Starla on January 27, 2012 at 9:51 am

    All this talk of hugs has me craving one now. Booo, I haven’t had nearly enough hugs in my life. When CF is around, we hug constantly, but other than that, I stopped getting regular hugs at about 9 years old.

    I was noticing last weekend when I was feeling so upset that all I wanted were hugs. And I remembered suddenly that I probably went from age 9 to 15 without a hug from a family member. Girls hugged at school, but I was mostly a loner. Still, I probably got a few hugs from friends over the years. And actually CF gave me a hug or two when I was 14:).

  70.  #70Dominique on January 27, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Mel – #40 – Skin brushing is amazing. I do it almost daily. Yerba Prima makes the best brushes (been around forever, also the same brand T-Tapp puts their logo) which I found on Amazon for under ten dollars.

    I can send you instructions on how to if you like.

    It’s wonderful for not only keeping the skin healthy and well exfoliated, it’s also lymph draining and whole body stimulating.


  71.  #71Dominique on January 27, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Starla – I feel so HAPPY you got the boots. And that they’re better in person, even better.


  72.  #72lilybelly on January 27, 2012 at 9:55 am


    Send me instructions! YAY!!

  73.  #73Mel on January 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Dominique, instructions would be great! Thanks! 🙂

  74.  #74light heart on January 27, 2012 at 9:59 am

    I have seen the difference between how I feel when I have gone a long time with, and without, sex, steady physical touch and affection. Especially since my job involves a LOT of giving and touch. I can start feeling really resentful, because no one is touching me back! Since I don’t want to let it get me down when it is not in my life at any particular time, I will initiate more hugs more often with more people, (if they seem open and willing, of course), and there’s this one adorable guy at work who hugs me all the time! just get the vibe open, and you’ll receive it. Just even many instances of those good feeling energetic connections can go a long way to keep the resentful feelings that can crop up at bay.

    Light heart

  75.  #75light heart on January 27, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Dominique you are so good at taking care of yourself….very inspirational!…i’m pretty good about it, but know I can, and will, do better!

    light heart

  76.  #76T-Girl on January 27, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Skin brushing sounds heavenly! I think the first thing I will buy when I am free of the hospital is a brush. I was looking at them on Amazon but is there a store that I can buy one from?

  77.  #77light heart on January 27, 2012 at 10:11 am

    55 lk
    “i vow to make all the vows & i vow to make no vows : )

    i like that

    light heart

  78.  #78Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Memulo (and everyone who’s interested) –

    I did not send “I miss you”, I write “I feel flirty” anf it’s trye. I did feel flirty (and sad and scared and much more, but I don’t HAVE TO say it all, no?).

    He replied with “Lol. I have a meeting in 5 minutes. 🙁 Talk to you later”

    And I wrote (I shouldn’t have, that is kind of controlling the outcome…) “Yes later. I hope to talk to you”.

    This was over 2 hours ago. I feel like sh*t right now and only thinking of leaning forwars even more to fix the dammage I did.

    I doubt he will call me back… Not today at least…

  79.  #79Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Goodheart… #40..your experience with your man sounds so authentic, vulnerable and open 🙂 yay!…it felt great to read..

    lk…I loved that..43 and 48…

  80.  #80Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 10:27 am

    oh Lizka…I so know how you are feeling!!!

  81.  #81Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 10:27 am

    I feel crazy. I feel exactly like I was before knowing about Rori and this blog.

    I feel like leaning forward and controlling and crying to him on the phone and beg him to spend time with me.

    Thay feels soooo bad.

  82.  #82Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Just feeling amused at how when I lean forward and then want to do “damage control” lol…I love that about me 🙂

  83.  #83alexandra on January 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Hi my name is Alexandra Gana, i have a boyfriend for 4 years now and everything was great until we had a baby, we both love each other but we are not connecting,no sex nothing and it ‘wasn’t like this. I want this to work out between us its killing me he tells me he loves me but i feel like he doesn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore please help me..give me an answer i have a child i don’t want to do this alone ,,


  84.  #84lk on January 27, 2012 at 10:31 am


    wow i really liked reading your story…. maybe when you feel Not Ready to share feelings… you could share that feeling instead? sometimes i can say, oh actually i feel a little weird/confused/overwhelmed & i can’t really talk about it yet actually since it doesn’t feel comprehensible to me right now…….

  85.  #85Starla on January 27, 2012 at 10:32 am

    hugs lizka, i’m starting to hate this P guy for how shaky you feel when he’s on your mind.

    but that is neither here nor there, as we say in English.

  86.  #86Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Lizka…I know…with POF guy I want to call him…tell him we have to at least meet and then after meeting he will fall madly in love with me because that’s how it works 99% of the time and then I can “redo” what I did by being too eager? (at the time I felt like I was “just” responding) he didn’t ask me to call him back and ad the mystery back….

    lol…yep..let me have ALL control 😉

    but instead I will just sit back and try and forget that I even texted him..or tell myself I was just practicing anyway and I will keep my CD rotation going…and another one will come along soon enough but that “in the meantime” stuff is not fun…

    how can I heal this??

    what’s here for me?

  87.  #87Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Jilly, same thing here… But the only “dammage control” I can think about is to lean more forward… That is me…

  88.  #88Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 10:41 am


    “I want to call him…tell him we have to at least meet and then after meeting he will fall madly in love with me because that’s how it works 99% of the time and then I can “redo” what I did by being too eager?”

    My god that is EXACTLY how I feel!!!!!

    I feel like trying… I know it’s not the good way… But maybe experimenting…?

  89.  #89Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Lizka..yes…..I think that’s how we women are…when we lean forward and then feel all anxious and bad we want to “fix” it

    but what’s a girl to do?

    when I leaned forward and texted POF guy on Sunday and he didn’t text back for 5 hrs….I was sooo off..I couldn’t text back…so I didn’t…then that felt weird too…hmmm…

  90.  #90Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Ok. It’s too hard. I’ll let him know how bad I feel.

  91.  #91light heart on January 27, 2012 at 10:46 am

    My (and maybe yours, too) ultimate goal is to do just whatever I feel like doing, trust myself to know what is the exact right thing to do in the moment, regardless of any guidelines or appearing masculine or feminine….not second-guessing anything….be it leaning forward, leaning back, not leaning at all, flying, laying down, swimming, rowing, not rowing, giving, receiving….when ever I want….and I will know I am There when i don’t have certain expectations or any agenda about what I am supposed to be getting back from the exchange..or if his response reaction is what i don’t want this is from a place of non-neediness and being in many moments of true heart connection, one after the other, strung together into infinity…even if they leave…..

    light heart

  92.  #92Goodheart on January 27, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Thank you Dominque, Jilly & lk, I feel much hearing that at least I am authentic even if it’s painful sometimes.

    And lk, yes, I have actually done that before – “I’m feeling a little irritated & I’m not even sure why, so a kiss would feel good & a talk later if I still feel this way.” – just I don’t always remember to do that!

  93.  #93Dominique on January 27, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Skin Brushing Instructions –

    Any health food store will carry them, certainly Whole Foods, but they will cost more.

    Start on the left side with the palm; brush eight strokes (it’s always eight strokes per area). Move to the top of the hand.
    the forearm is next, upward strokes. (I do eight strokes per section), the upper arm, upward strokes.

    Move to the armpit, downward, then sideways going towards your body. Then across the upper chest, then upward on the chest.

    (I go to the upper left back and face though this isn’t a listed part of the regimen. Inward towards the body on the upper back as far as can be reached, up the back of the neck, front of the neck, along the jaw, cheek, forehead, left side.)

    Circular strokes staring at the armpit, down and around the breast and up the center line.

    Repeat all of the above on the right side.

    Now the upper abdomen (waist area) all the way around, upward strokes.

    Now the left side lower body. Sole of the foot, top of the foot, lower leg upward strokes, thigh, upward strokes.

    Repeat on the right side.

    Now left butt cheek. Repeat on the right.

    Lastly lower abdomen.

    For any “trouble spots”, you can do some circular brushing first before doing the strokes.


  94.  #94Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Lizka…lol I just read #87 🙂

    I KNOW right??!! 🙂

    well…I experimented and it didn’t feel good :/

    my experiment..

    I texted two guys when I got home last night just to see..

    The first guy..right now I could care less if I ever meet him…

    ME: just wanted to say hi 🙂 I’m back in town
    HIM: responed in 6 minutes…

    to the POF guy…same exact message
    ME: just wanted to say hi 🙂 I’m back in town

    lol…oh geez

    so much for mystery….

    k for me…no more leaning forward…

    but sometimes it makes me feel better just to know…I know “closure” is totally over rated…but…just sayin

  95.  #95Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 10:51 am

    light heart #90…music to my ears!!! yes!!! I love that…

  96.  #96Goodheart on January 27, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Jilly, I believe you heal it just by asking the universe to help you heal.

    I’ve been amazed by this constantly.

    I feel that’s why all these challenges are coming up for me right now, so I can take them & slowly heal by improving each interaction.

    And then I’ll be like – oh, remember when that was such a big deal? I hardly even recall what that feels like anymore 🙂

  97.  #97Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 10:53 am


    “but that is neither here nor there”

    Have noooo idea what that mean…

    But for P, I begin to hate him too… And I want to be like I was before that date…

  98.  #98light heart on January 27, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Thanks, Jilly, happy that you relate 🙂
    the guidelines are great as we baby-step it,
    but I do like to remind myself of the ultimate
    Vision, so I don’t make the rules into THE
    end-all way of being, I think you know what I mean


    light heart

  99.  #99faith on January 27, 2012 at 10:55 am

    hello ladies….
    i would really appreciate if i could get some advice..
    I am still not over my ex and it has been 9months since our break up (we were together for 2 years). But the crazy part is that we have NOT spoken one word to each other in 9months. I have not contacted him and he has not contacted me. (i feel really hurt by this because it makes me feel that he didn’t even care for me and it was easy for him to just move on)
    I have been trying everything to get over him. I have taken advice i go from here, from friends, family, AND i am even going to a psychologist. Another crazy thing is that my psychologist still believes he will contact me. She said it seems odd to her that he has not contacted me at all for anything. So, obviously that gives me hope and its like i am waiting for that day for him to call me.
    But after 9 months i am really getting sick and tired of how i am feeling. Its like i try my best to get over him but i feel like nothing is working. I really need help!! please….

  100.  #100Starla on January 27, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I am feeling so sad today. Now I just want a hug! Lol! I guess I should find some way to take care of myself.

    I am feeling sad in general. Not for any particular reason. Actually I have tears welling in my eyes all morning now, but without reason or much force behind it.

    Love to me.

  101.  #101Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Ok I want to experiment. Whatever if this pushes him away… I don’t have him anyway. And I’ll find another one.

    And I’ll have the weekend to relax and forget tgat I’ve been so bad. At least I won’t have to fake-smile at work…

  102.  #102light heart on January 27, 2012 at 11:00 am

    you know, to relax into our being-ness, no matter how we are, because this is a universe of contrasts, not good and bad, which is only serving to clarify to us more and more deeply, exactly what we want and don’t want, and that is changing all the time, just because that’s the way of it, not because we are fickle…;) now, what man is gonna get in here with me for a good long while, for the joy and the exhilaration of the ride, step right up, because, darlin’, it is gonna be mind-blowing!!

    light heart

  103.  #103light heart on January 27, 2012 at 11:03 am

    oooo….starla……sadness is so beautiful…to be able to feel into the depths of it….ahhhhhh….because you know what is on the other side of that…mmmm


    light heart

  104.  #104Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 11:07 am

    faith were there plans to get married? and if so how far along were the plans?

  105.  #105Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Lizka, I see. I like ‘I feel flirty’!

    He may come back now with – what did you want to talk about? Be ready for that. But in any case your part is done for now, no need to follow up under any circumstances.

    I’m with Starla. Developing feelings for P guy too!

  106.  #106Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Jilly I have one guy right now kind of angry at me because I won’t call and I won’t text. He keeps telling me to. I just asked him those two questions and his responses were “honesty” and “I am too kind too forgiving and love to have sex with my woman”. We have not met yet and he wants to buy a ticket for a trip to the Caribbean. He calls all the time and if a day passes and I don’t call he gets angry. Last time I asked him if he was angry he backed off. We have been talking on the phone for about 2.5 weeks and not met yet. Last weekend we were supposed to but it snowed. Yet he seems to think I am the one for him and wants to keep trying.

  107.  #107Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 11:16 am

    RE 81 Lizka that is an indication of low self esteem.

  108.  #108Starla on January 27, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Lizka, “that is neither here nor there” means it is something I wanted to mention, but not truly related to the point. The point is I want to offer you hugs for you feeling sad! Whether I hate P or not is not the primary point.

  109.  #109lk on January 27, 2012 at 11:28 am

    i notice i “h8te” myself a little today… : (

    this morning getting into the car, i actually said out loud, “don’t be such a fxcking idiot, lk” & it was so sad !

    but then later i spilled coffee all over my new dress & all over the kitchen & it was the good coffee latte my daddy made me special : ( & i literally just giggled & smiled the whole time cleaning up ! so see ? i am not so mean to myself…..


    yes, & i noticed myself yesterday & the day before feeling Fat & Ugly. it was really sad. i don’t know why because those feelings just hurt me & don’t feel good…

    & my mama must have “heard” my thoughts because she touched my waist & exclaimed how “skinny” i am lol which she never ever says to me…..

    umm um um & i felt really bad in the mall like i was afraid of being Ugly & all women were more pretty than i & i was imagining CD just getting fxcked in some dark club… music pounding… just because he “can”…..

    what the eff ? i’m being SO mean to myself. that is horrible to imagine.

    also, my mama just went on&on about CD being cute. & i felt mad about the other girl hearing, like, MOM don’t tell her how good he is !! she’ll steal him! & then also she is married & i kept imagining that she & her husband must secretly h8te each other, just because they’re married

    & now i’m so scared. life is so scary.

    my other friend told me she is not getting along perfectly with her husband & i felt sad & scared. also she told me other scary news. i don’t want to hear scary news !

    also…… i have to tell CD something scary about early in our relationship….. but actually that’s not my fault & i’m a good girl & i try hard to be nice & do right. so i refuse to be mean to myself about that & i know he won’t be mean to me & we can fix it. we can fix it! i know we can.

    please lk be nice to me.

    i’m going to this hip hop concert tonight & i want to be cute & sexy but i’m afraid i just will feel so Ugly that i will actually Be Ugly : ( poor lk ! i feel sad.

    i know when i see ladies, i never think, that bad ugly lady ! she has bad lips & an ugly smile ! i never ever think that! i think, oh, hello lady, hello thin lips, hello gray tooth, hello sweet cheeks & pink gums & deep eyes & soft hair & strong chest & cracked hands….. i love it all. i want that grace for myself also.

    how ?????? gah. i feel mad. at myself ! vicious cycle.

    ooh i feel mad & guilty & nervous

    i feel dirty & hellish & swollen

    i’m a bad girl.

    ohhh poor, sweet lk…. i don’t know what to tell you. i want to feel pretty & special but i just don’t. i feel deformed & sick & helpless. humbug.

  110.  #110faith on January 27, 2012 at 11:28 am

    RE: 103: Femininewoman

    I mean we did talk about it all the time.. But there was no actual plans. We even talked about having kids together (and yes he would too.. without me bringing it up). Ughhhh.. i don’t know i just miss him like crazy!! my heart hurts for him and it sucks i couldn’t even get a phone call….

  111.  #111Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 11:29 am

    FW…that feels intriguing…he keeps telling you too but you won’t…I like that…then you ask if he’s angry and he backs off…oh lovely men 🙂

    so…it’s interesting..some men answer those questions in a “serious” way and some in a playful way…

    like “what are your weaknesses when it comes to women?”

    some answer about themselves like yours did..and others answer about the woman…

    ex…my weaknesses are…a woman who’s confident, fit and big boobs (or something lol) no man has ever said big boobs lol…but I wish I had boobs lol

  112.  #112lk on January 27, 2012 at 11:30 am

    awww ((starla)) just saw you are sad too… poor girls !

  113.  #113Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 11:35 am

    FW…do you have CC “natural attraction”?

    do you have a name for this CD? I want to know the scoop when you meet him 🙂

    Starla and lk…(((hugs)))

    Lilybelle…come on down from the soup bowl already 😉

    Faith…just stay here and keep will get better!

  114.  #114Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Goodheart …thank you…I like that…just by asking it is healing…I don’t have to DO anything…awww

  115.  #115siren song on January 27, 2012 at 11:39 am

    just sort of ranting here…

    I seem to attract anger from men lately. the less i take it on as my own problem the better i feel.

    a cd yelled at me this morning for leaning way back and not calling him. he said ‘it’s like you put no energy into me! i want you to romance me!’ lots of screaming on the phone at 745 this morning. it felt scary. total turnoff city, so i hung up the phone.

    i remember something from Toxic Men (i think that’s the program, anyhow)…rori said that if we have a lot of guilt we can attract anger. i grew up around ANGRY people who fought constantly. my father was often verbally abusive. 2 of my 3 major relationships have been with angry guys who didn’t treat me with much adoration (by the end at least).

    i do feel guilty. i feel guilty about not being happy with what men are offering. i feel guilty about dating more than one guy. i feel guilty for being mean to myself and telling myself i should feel guilty. gah!!

    i just feel really tired of men being angry at me. i feel scared that i am doing something wrong or that i am just not attracted to men who aren’t really angry. like rori’s post about men with a black cloud over them.


  116.  #116Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Jilly I only have his FCTC and Interviews with Coaches

  117.  #117light heart on January 27, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Siren song, I sense that that is the fine line we walk when we are putting these laws of femininity into practice, we do risk turning them off. just speaking for myself now, I see that it helps to go for a balance, the men I come across seem need also to feel that there is a willingness, an enthusiasm, to explore getting to know them, a possibility to try out the romance dance with them.
    If leaning back is not accompanied by some kind of adequate enthusiastic signal, they seem to take it as non-interest, or game playing, etc., and would rather not subject themselves to any more rejection. Unless they are the type that know what they want when they see it, and go after it,regardless of what you do. But men who get angry? this signals some sort of tendency to get easily frustrated when they are not getting what they want or you are not meeting their agenda.
    I can’t seem to be able to send that signal to the men who I CD after one or two dates, after the initial excitement of meeting them, i often just feel ho-hum about them, even if I keep the intention to stay open in wonder and curiosity. I seem to forget about them, I’d rather keep my energy in my own activities, and don’t feel like responding back, and then they either get angry or they poof, and I barely noticed or care if they poof. When they don’t feel that there is the welcome mat out for them.
    This CD that yelled at you, how many dates have you had.


    light heart

  118.  #118FlowerChild77 on January 27, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    I haven’t read through all the posts yet, but I have a question. Someone on the last thread had little music notes in their post. HOW do you do this? I’m so curious! 🙂 Thanks…

  119.  #119Starla on January 27, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    awww thank you for the hugs, ladies.

    CF has been sending me sweet messages, even text hugs, but i want the real thing

    still, something tells me I shouldn’t ask for this. I wouldn’t have much time anyway, though I did think about seeing if he’d drive me and my friend to our girls’ night tonight.

  120.  #120Mel on January 27, 2012 at 12:11 pm


  121.  #121Mel on January 27, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    oops, that post didn’t go through…

    Try these “alt” codes to find the special characters. I have a Mac, so I find mine in the character viewer pane.

  122.  #122siren song on January 27, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    thanks light heart,

    we’ve been on…many many dates… i see him a few times a week. he was talking about marriage yesterday and today: BAM. super-angry.

    The thing is, i am really enthusiastic and warm. at least i feel that way. but i am sort of scared of this hostility. it feels weird.

  123.  #123Starla on January 27, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    i feel scared reading about guys screaming in anger
    but i’ve done this myself, sooooo…. i’m not sure.

    i haven’t done this in seven months though:)

  124.  #124Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    siren song try and write a fm sharing that you want to hear him and that you appreciate that he shares his thoughts with you but you don’t want to feel attacked. I suspect he might be dealing with his fear and don’t know how to handle it.

  125.  #125Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    i want to buy it! 🙂 and I feel impatient to order it from ebay…I can get it instantaneously if I order it from his site right now…hmmm…

  126.  #126Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Siren Song is he generally an angry man?

  127.  #127Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Buy what Jilly?

  128.  #128lk on January 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    goodness…. i’m needy today like a black hole! wow !

    i find myself fantasizing about saying, I love you to CD…. & i think some of the Juice of the fantasy is about just what i’d Get In Return because i feel so thirsty for approval right now.

    though i do feel really excited about maybe next time he says it i will feel good saying it back ? yum : )

    i’m making sales calls right now…. & i’m doing a Horrible job… possibly because i am journaling while the phone rings ??? lol ……. but i’m just noticing that being weak, confused, tongue-tied, etc. actually is getting me a ton of good help!!! people seem to want to help me. i’ve done a TON of calls, & when people say, oh it’s not me you want to talk to, they are giving me the names & numbers of the people – like, putting me on hold & going into their own databases to help me out. it’s nuts!

    it’s a good reminder that people want to help. & it’s a good reminder that it’s not Bad to be weak or tongue-tied…. even when i feel silly. & i can be like that around men too ! i AM actually being like that around men right this second : ))) & it’s nice to remember that it’s ok to stutter & contradict yourself & whatever else. i’m only human !

  129.  #129Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Get it from eBay. Any program takes some time to sink in and create an internal shift. Plus some of it is kind of reflected here.

  130.  #130Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    FW…yes the natural attraction 🙂 I know the smart choice is ebay lol

  131.  #131light heart on January 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    siren song, i don’t blame you for feeling scared and weird around the hostility. it doesn’t *really* have anything to do with you, though, he’s probably working some stuff out. sometimes our *light* brings up some of their darkness. it sounds like he really cares about you. in relationships, the balance of power often shifts, so maybe he is feeling a loss of power in the relationship for whatever reason, with frustration leading to anger. sounds like you are doing the right things,

    light heart

  132.  #132lk on January 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    omg i love texans. seriously. amazing. TEXAS, YOU’RE THE BEST ! lol awwwwww lk loves her mama : )))))

    awwww how could i feel ugly if i know i come from such beautiful sirens ? : ))))) yayyyyyyyyyyy my mama & my grandmothers. i want to honor them by feeling beautiful.

    aww & i feel sad for the women who don’t want to see their mothers when they look in the mirror & i feel dark & heavy & like crying.

    but i need to keep my joy, actually. i want to feel beautiful, & channeling my beautiful family is an amazing gift that i can access & i feel very grateful & humbled…

  133.  #133light heart on January 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    I have one CD who just called me for a spontaneous date, which is alright with me, I don’t have the five day rule, but I can’t go, have to go to work. He is one that i feel kind of ho-hum about, but I did have fun with him on two dinner dates. he kept my interest, even if I didn’t see stars. But I am keeping in mind that it is better that it’s not through the roof chemistry right away. He is over the age limit that I have, but I don’t want to shut him out, so as long as he keeps calling I will go out and practice with him, and let him have the pleasure of my company which he seems to like a lot. He is going to want to get intimate sooner rather than later, as he is already hinting, and we’ll see what happens when I tell him I don’t want to go there.

    light heart

  134.  #134Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Another charmer, this time from Smooch, a 43 year old “man”

    “nice pic, you look like a very naughty secretary….ready for some dic……tation?”


  135.  #135lk on January 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    cd said that i carry myself differently from any woman he’s ever known. i think it’s something similar to confidence……. but i feel it when it’s “off”

    it’s not Confidence, right ? it’s….. peace ? interest ? joy ? what is it ? je ne sais quois lol ……. is it passion ?

    what is it that we want ? is it 1 thing ?

    is it simple acceptance ?

    is it acceptance of the FACT of individual isolation? like… i’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. fact. that shxt is true ! lol but it isn’t bad & i can feel connected anyway all the time regardless

    i’m starting to feel genuinely better.

    i wonder if there is something in my closet i would really love to wear ? i wonder if i can’t just really really enjoy getting ready & be so ecstatically happy & feel amazingly perfectly beautiful ?

    oh, & some of the Ugly has to do with Jealousy (which, incidentally, looks pretty Ugly to me lol) but i was just realizing…. i don’t want to be with a man who falls for a woman who isn’t Good (um, duh!) but no Good woman would try to steal a man. yay. no fear. babysteps. also, so what ? so you get pregnant, have baby, gain weight, get pregnant again, face breaks out, man comes to you & says listen lady you’re fat & ugly ! i’m through. look at this Hottie i found at a club while i was out dancing & you were being pregnant. ummmmm like, lk, if that is legit what you’re scared of… i’m scared of you! like, what the EFF do you even want with that horrible imaginary man anywayz ?

  136.  #136Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    As seen on this morning’s Dr. Oz TV show:

    “Has your doctor examined you while you are doing your Kegel exercises to see if you are doing them correctly? There is also monitoring device which can be used during your physical examination.”

  137.  #137lk on January 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    @silver moonbeam 133

    LOL that’s awesome.

  138.  #138Mochaberri on January 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Ladies I’m feeling confused with a statement from Rori’s newsletter “If He’s Stalling This Tool Will Move Him Forward”

    What’s happening is that you’re feeling frustrated and angry and so you’re backing away from him physically (which is good) but also emotionally (which will do you NO good).

    Maybe I’m in my head a bit too much when I read this but the way I see it when a person distances themselves from another person physically the more time that goes by the emotions begin to disappear

    What do you think? And does bridging help to keep the emotions alive?

  139.  #139Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    silvermoonbeam…wow…swoooooon!!!!! 😉

  140.  #140Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I don’t understand this post………… all………….it is talking in a foreign language I don’t understand like Swahili or Mandarin. 🙁

  141.  #141light heart on January 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    oooo, my favorite thing to hear is that I have a certain
    *je ne sais quois*

    I just noticed that I have five guys pursuing me in various ways of courtship, although I think of most of them as just friends,

    there is a brand new one who seems very interesting, hope so, as I get bored easily

    so this is good, must be because I’m seeing through many flawed premises lately and can feel and live more from joy…



    light heart

  142.  #142Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    @133: Silver Moonbeam

    I suspect you’ll be tossing that one back into the sea.

    I’m getting addicted to the Dr. Oz shows here in the U.S. He’s Oprah’s personal physician and has his own show now. I didn’t view the first ones because I wasn’t in TV mode but now I’ve got my favorite TV working again.

    His web site is a very good resource for “body transformation.” He regardsI posted the link above. Check it out. I think you will be pleased. He covers makeup and skin treatments too.

  143.  #143Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Mochaberry someone says absence makes the heart grow fonder. Also it seems that men need space (absence) to fall in love. It seems it is a decision they make with their minds.

  144.  #144Camille on January 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    OK Sirens,

    I just ran into my first ex…..hes been very ill and I talked with him for a bit and caught up. As I left I asked myself, “Camille, what do you have stuck inside your subconcious that you think all men will leave?” or give you a reason to leave?

    Any suggestions from anyone to help me resolve this?

    I have had 3 husbands and 3 divorces and several boyfriends in between? I have had a lot of relationships for a woman my age who only wanted one.

    I want to heal this now! I have always told people the “reasons” the relationship didnt work.. But whats inside me that doesnt believe that one can? I think thats whats going on?

  145.  #145Camille on January 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Oh I just cringed writing the above I dont like reading I have been married and divorced 3 times….

    I feel nauseated. I feel embarrassed and humiliated.

  146.  #146Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Silver Moonbeam I see that as flirtation. It is a good thing. I don’t engage with them if he is not in your age range and I will tell them sorry too young.

  147.  #147Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Camille is it fear of failure?

  148.  #148light heart on January 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    yes, I think I might have to tell the older guy, sorry too old, but he does seem relatively young at heart. I don’t know….age is just a number, but on the other hand, I suppose you have to narrow it down somehow…

    light heart

  149.  #149Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm


    I’m posting below Dominique’s post as Tinque from last January 28, 2011. A whole year ago. Goes to show…

    “A whole lot can happen in a year..”
    Friday, 28 January 2011 @ 7:16am

    890: tinque says:
    SLV – “Is that alfalfa as tisane or drops or something or used topically? Where do I learn skin brushing?”

    Alfalfa is an herb. The best way to extract all the nutrients is by making an infusion from the fried herb, preferably organic, but I find it a pain, and I don’t like drinking it. You have to drink a lot.

    So instead I buy capsules and open them up into a glass of boiling water. I add any flavoring to make it more palatable, lemon, your favorite tea, etc.

    You need to work your way up to twelve capsules a day. I’ve been buying Nature’s Way brand, a reputable company, but there are others such as Solaray, all found in a health food store though online is cheaper. I use

    I have heard that alfalfa can cause one to gain weight, not because of anything inherent in the herb, but because it allegedly increases appetite. This HAS NOT been my experience.

    Please do not ingest twelve right from the beginning. Test it out to see how your body responds. It can be slightly laxative with sensitive bellies.

    Skin brushing – I like Yerba Prima’s brush (they’ve been around forever). Amazon probably has it. It’s a stiff brush, and it may hurt at first. Try it in the shower if it’s too much dry.

    Start on the left side. 4-8 strokes in each area.
    Palm, top of hand. lower arm upper arm (all upward strokes), armpit, across chest, under the booby starting at the armpit.

    You can do the neck and face on the left here if you wish. I do, but be gentle. I use the backside of the bristles, softer.

    Repeat on the right side.

    Stroke upwards all around the waist.

    Left sole of the foot, the top, the lower leg, the thigh, all upward strokes.

    Repeat on the right.

    Left butt cheek, right butt cheek, and lastly upward strokes on the lower belly.

    I do this twice a day. In the AM I like to apply my firming stuffs first, allow it to really sink in, several minutes or more, and then I brush.

    At night I do it before showering and apply the firming stuffs after.


  150.  #150Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm


    So my experimentation didn’t go that bad…

    I used lk’s idea and it went like this:

    Me: Hellooo! I feel funny and quiet hear not hearing from you 🙂

    P: Lol, i had a long meeting/lunch earlier. And now I have work to do. Sorry. What’s up?

    Me: oh I know! It’s not about my earlier message. I’ve been feeling lime that for a few days…

    P: Nooooo! Don’t! I have friends from out of the province that are visiting [truuuuue! He told me the other day!] so I’m pretty busy with them this week. They are leaving soon and we wanted to use as much time as possible. Can I see you soon?

    Me: this would feel good!

    P: well that’s what’s gonna happen than! See you soon! xxx

    Yay! I don’t feel super sireny because I leaned forward but his answers feels good. I do not regret to have text him because he had a good reason and Now I can relax and put the focus back on me.

    I feel a little bit ridiculous about forgetting the friends visiting thing. But whatever… 🙂

  151.  #151Camille on January 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    I dont know Femininewoman………Im really sinking into this

    I think im on the verge of huge healing.

    It could be fear of failure, but that doesnt resonate huge to me??????

  152.  #152Starla on January 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    lk, i call it “grace”

    i’m clumsy as all hell, and awkward too, like to the max, but since i found rori, guys often refer to me as graceful.

    suckers:P *trips over own feet*

  153.  #153Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm


    How do I say that I want to make plans in advance/over the phone if he’s asking me out for tomorrow night – and not sound controlling??

  154.  #154lk on January 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm


    my mama was married 3 times… but she is married Forever now to my daddy : )

    & also, my grandma & grandaddy were married & divorced TWICE from each other…. but…. that had nothing to do with being together Forever because even when divorced she kept an apartment in his city & she just passed, but they lived next-door to each other until her death in houses with matching floor plans & had coffee together every morning : )

    you can have your Forever relationship & Divorce won’t keep you from it : )

    i love you : )

  155.  #155Camille on January 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Something is here to heal,
    Ive seen 5 exes in the last week and none of them live here? Strange circumstances

  156.  #156Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    @73: Mel

    Oh, I see the instructions are already sent. I hadn’t read that far. If they are different, or more detailed that the ones posted last year…, can I have some too?

    Pretty please…?

  157.  #157siren song on January 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm


    he is usually really gentle, but i’ve seen him be hostile to waiters and someone he works with.

    i feel better having written about it. thanks for listening.

  158.  #158Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Camille it is the nauseaous feeling after writing about the 3 divorces why I thought writing it might have gotten you scared about failing “again”??

  159.  #159Camille on January 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm


    aww that is the sweetest story of your grandmother and grandfather

    thank you!

  160.  #160Camille on January 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Yes yes feminine woman
    I went back and read it again and same feeling

    I am scared of failing at relationships…….I must be.
    Thats where the overdoing must have come from in all of them

    Fear of failing, so I tried to be the “perfect woman” for them

  161.  #161Camille on January 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    And I must have been wonderful for each of them, because when I see them they are all excited to see me, hug me and say I look great????

    But I was never the same person with any of them,

    Except the over doing part that is common

    Oh were getting somewhere

  162.  #162Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Hostile to waiters hhhmmm this would be a red flag to me. This is a person who one can easily take for granted and a man who consistently are hostile towards that person tells me he might not be mature enough to take care of another living creature. Does he have a pet?

    It does sound like he has some anger that needs healing. It might be good to keep going there with him to see if you could eventually unearth what he is angry about. Particularly if you have a gut feeling about his anger.

  163.  #163Jenny on January 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    So just a little update from me.
    last night, after brushing my teeth, and before bedtime, I decided to take a moment with myself. Layed on the couch, listen to classic music, focus on my breating, feeling the energy flow in my body.

    And one thing I notice..I’m darn good at thinking on a lot of things at the same time…I got adhd, so multitask/multithinking aint a problem. So in order for me to get J out of my mind I had to think about: my breathing, my energy flow, look at a spot in the roof AND visualizeing me on a meadow to meet a horse…but well insteed a got a child in a cute dress, dark hair in inner child, so I talked to her and since the classic become more fast moving, I saw myself dance with my little girl. And I started to cry softly, I felt pain, anger, happiness, joy and sadness. My little child was very upset with me, to have forgetten her so long, to not listen and played with her for such long time. I felt angry at myself for forgetten her and that part of myself.

    I felt jou and happiness to find her again, and I felt soo sad to let her sit alone and forgotten such long time. I spoke to her, said I was sorry.

    I really need work more on forgive myself, big time. But my own anger at myself is getting easier and easier to feel.

    So today I had a bad day in feeling, was feeling on myslef for all times I hav gone wrong with a man, and worst is those I have done latly, after I found rori….some I made just out of lazy, didnt care, didnt want to practice:. now I regret it very much. So to myself, all part in me; “I’m sorry, please forgive me”

    And tomorrow I’m of on 3 date with a man, he is picking me up – I have no clue on what we are going to do, he just said; “I pick you up, wear worm and practical cloth, we will be gone all day”

    And hmmm well I’m feeling curious and feeling a little worried. I dont feel much for him, he is sweet and nice, and I wouldnt mind kissing him – more then that I dont know. I’m totellyleaning back with him, let him make first move with everything. But there is one thing that I feel a little worried about…I cant seem to shut up with him…I just hear myself keep on talking and talking and talking about myself like a mad with him….argh dammit. Talking for me keeps me out of my body and heart in into my head.
    So I see it will be a good time practice being silent, and in my feeling…so wish me luck.

  164.  #164Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Camille what are you like now in comparison to how you were as a younger person? Do you lose yourself in relationships? Do you know what your authentic self is? How was your parents relationship?

  165.  #165Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Memulo 152 –

    If it’s for tomorrow night and that you don’t already have plans, why not go? Tomorrow night is enough in advance for me…

    But if you already have plans you could say “mmm that would feel good to see you but I feel so disapointed, I already have plans for tomorrow night. I would feel better to have plans set in advance. I’ll be free (sunday, monday, tuesdat…). What do you think?”

  166.  #166Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Whole lotta skin brushing goin’ on…


  167.  #167FlowerChild77 on January 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Mel…Thank you so much for that link 🙂 Since text and online messages can often be so misunderstood, I think that using ‘faces’ and/or other symbols along with words, perhaps, could help make things a bit clearer. I’m not thinking this would clear up all misunderstandings in non-verbal communication, but it can’t hurt—and sometimes it’s just more “fun.” Thanks!

    I especially enjoy the rolling eyes when talking about something silly! Yes, I’m easily amused :-p

  168.  #168Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    FW 106

    “RE 81 Lizka that is an indication of low self esteem.”

    That feels bad to read. I feel defensive. I’ve been here for not even 3 months and making big big efforts. It’s the first time in 3 months that I feel like that. Imm working on my self esteem and telling me I have a low one willl not help me to raised it up.

  169.  #169Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 1:34 pm


    Thanks.. just last time I only knew the date and he was texting me the whole day, but I didn’t know the actual plan or time till the very last moment. I understand he was dealing with a babysitter and a small kid who didn’t want him to leave (he told me that once we met), but felt a bit shaky and wondered what was going on.

  170.  #170Camille on January 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    I was utterly bubbly and blissful, with the world on a string when I was younger…..Yes I have lost myself in relationships………

    I do know my authentic self……

    My parents relationship is exactly what I have always wanted and thought a marriage should look like.

  171.  #171Camille on January 27, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    To have a husband like my father would be amazing!

  172.  #172Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Lizka I did not say you had low self esteem I am saying it is an indication of low self esteem in response to your post “feel like leaning forward and controlling and crying to him on the phone and beg him to spend time with me.

    Thay feels soooo bad.”

    It was with the hope that you can identify your pattern of behavior. Until you can see your pattern and be your own witness it is not easy to change. If you had Rori’s Reconnect program you would be able to look at such comments or need to “beg him to spend time with me” in a context. She specifically ask if you can imagine a woman with high self esteem doing such a thing.

    Please ignore my comments if you do not wish for my help.

  173.  #173Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    I can say

    Sat is good and there’s a chance for a pretty dress.. but it likes to know the plan in advance, can you believe it

    We talked about me wearing jeans last time and I said I’d wear a dress if didn’t feel confused till the last moment.. we had the date, but it’s not like I talked to you the night before and knew the plan

  174.  #174Starla on January 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm


    It can be so hard to feel pain on the inside, and hard to try to help someone through it, and hard to feel worse from someone wanting to help

    We are all such brave sirens

    wow we’re amazing!!!!!!!!!

  175.  #175Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    @98: faith says:
    “…hello ladies….
    i would really appreciate if i could get some advice..
    …my psychologist still believes he will contact me. She said it seems odd to her that he has not contacted me at all for anything. So, obviously that gives me hope and its like i am waiting for that day for him to call me….”

    It doesn’t not seem odd to me that he hasn’t contacted you since you broke up; however, it is my personal experience that men sometimes contact women… weeks, months… even years later. Or never. Even if he contacts you that doesn’t mean that the relationship will then take off and be everything you want it to be.

    I suggest that 1)you do not put your life on hold waiting for him and 2) do not spend energy “trying to forget him.” Let him be. Do not create stories about him or spend any time at all attempting to read his mind. Spend all your energy on yourself instead. Go become a siren. Now.

    You might find this Rori Raye post helpful:


  176.  #176siren song on January 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    FW, no he doesn’t have a pet.


  177.  #177Starla on January 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Uggh I feel al ittle disappointed/curious with myself

    Lizka, when I read your comment to FW, I wanted sooo bad to jump in. Then I stopped myself. Then I couldn’t.

    And so I jumped in anyway! I couldn’t control the urge! Ohhh it’s like when we can’t stop ourselves from leaning forward to a man.

    I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds.

    I’m not sure what my deal is, but I’m not REALLY interested in controlling your thoughts.

    I’m sorry:(

    I feel bad.

    I want everyone to be happy.

    Erm… trigger.

  178.  #178lk on January 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    i have low self esteem today. hmmmm

    normally, i want to think, oh, i am perfect & so is everyone else

    how ? i forget o_0

  179.  #179Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    #173 don’t quite like it and would love other suggestions!

  180.  #180Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    siren song knowing me, maybe it would be pushing those angry buttons to see what I could unearth. But that is me and it could be a pattern of bliss blocking. I own it though.

  181.  #181lk on January 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    just read this at the bottom of an email

    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, however a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

    eek i feel scared now : (

  182.  #182lk on January 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    i feel sad that CD didn’t take me Seriously when he asked about my ideal vacation & i said i wanted to go see the northern lights. i’m serious. that is what i want.

    you know, lk, you can go alone : ) LOL i dare you to share that feeling with CD awww he’ll panic lol

  183.  #183Dominique on January 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    SLV – The instructions are the same though Ive discontinued alfalfa, little to no returns. I’m using other herbs and oils I’ve since discovered.

    Good skin stuff – Pomegranate oil (internally and externally), grapeseed oil (internally and externally), schizandra (an herb).

    My own body butter which includes kukui and illipe butters, olive oil, and essential oils.

    My own face drops, ingredients to long to list, but you know where to find them, as well as my serum.

    I skin brush 4-5 times a week. I have also discovered Clarisonic which I use on the entire face and body, also 4-5 times a week.

    I high pro-biotic diet is great for the skin, from foods and from powdered, cultured products I found.

    I think that’s it.


  184.  #184siren song on January 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    interesting FW…i’ll just see what happens next.

    have a good friday, sirens!!!!!!!!

  185.  #185FlowerChild77 on January 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    SLV…you’re right..the Dr. Oz show website isn’t very helpful. The site you probably want is This is his site, also, it’s got all the information right there for you.

    Mel..I tried using the chart and it doesn’t seem to work for my computer (I have an HP laptop.)

  186.  #186Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Memulo I am not sure how to respond to you but I see you asking and no one has responded as yet. I believe though that I dress based on how I feel. I resent anyone dictating to me how to dress. I feel violated when that happens.

  187.  #187Camille on January 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    The only ex Ive really been hung up on is “T”
    all the other ones I let go of the relationship very easily. “T” is my 3rd husband and 3rd divorce.

    Maybe the fact that he came back gave me a “false sense of not failing” so I took it. Because I must have a fear of failing.

    Maybe thats why I want him to call me so desperately
    “IF he begs me back I havent failed?”

    Maybe thats what I really loved when he came back??????

    eww now im confusing myself


    what do you want Camille right now, tonight

  188.  #188Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Cmille I don’t think you should stop. As a matter of fact what I am getting from your last post is a sense that you could forgive yourself. Put your hand on the place of your body that you are holding the tension (your heart, your stomach maybe) and just send love, forgiveness and compassion to yourself. This is an exercise Rori walks us through in Reconnect.

  189.  #189mali on January 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Well, I’m home this weekend, and my mother is calmer and happy to see me… no arguments or comments on my weight.

    She’s said something about my skin though (I’m developing a few spots on my neck), but I know she’s trying not to nag, and she’s just worried =)

    I feel good.

    And I feel confident that the Universe will deliver me dates with MedCD and A on Valentines Day. Yay! Excited!

    Iamabutterfly: I haven’t received an email from you… are you okay with adding me on facebook? Feeling a little scared and insecure for having asked now…!

  190.  #190Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm


    Thank you so much for answering. He did not tell me how to dress. Just when I walked into the restaurant that he picked last time, it was a very fancy place, so I said oh it would have felt nice to wear a pretty dress here instead! And then added that it all happened because I felt confused about the plan.

    So now I feel a bit resentful about mentioning this again.

  191.  #191faith on January 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    RE:: 175: Senior Lady Vibe:

    i am trying my best to get over this person.. It is so exhausting thinking about someone all day/night long and pretty much waiting for him to contact me!! grrrr…. i get so mad at myself.. and it upsets me how my psychologist doesn’t believe he is completely done with me…. these are her words, “If he was done with you he would have called you for something already, if it was to argue, because he needed something, or to simply say hello.”
    I don’t know what to think anymore.. i have all these emotions and pain in my life right now.. i do not feel happy AT ALL!! I know everything happens for a reason and if we are meant to be we will be…. but why can’t i wrap my head around that and just move on??!!

    sorry.. if i ranted on.. i just feel like crap..

  192.  #192faith on January 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    RE:: 175: Senior Lady Vibe:

    i am trying my best to get over this person.. It is so exhausting thinking about someone all day/night long and pretty much waiting for him to contact me!! grrrr…. i get so mad at myself.. and it upsets me how my psychologist doesn’t believe he is completely done with me…. these are her words, “If he was done with you he would have called you for something already, if it was to argue, because he needed something, or to simply say hello.”
    I don’t know what to think anymore.. i have all these emotions and pain in my life right now.. i do not feel happy AT ALL!! I know everything happens for a reason and if we are meant to be we will be…. but why can’t i wrap my head around that and just move on??!!

    sorry.. if i ranted on.. i just feel like crap..

  193.  #193Camille on January 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Thanks FW
    Thats feels so much better.

  194.  #194Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    ok…so I’ve been on Christian Carter’s website and then over to see his youtube videos…and people are saying such mean things about him 🙁 I feel sad about this….

    on another note this other guy from POF ( I feel guilty admitting this) has called me for the 4th or 5th time and I’ve never responded so just now I decided to respond back lol…he seems really nice 🙂

  195.  #195Jenny on January 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    @ 192: faith

    He contacted you becourse he wanted.
    I soo know your pain, been there and is there from times to times.

    My best tips – sink into the pain, feel it, cry, forgive yourself, be angry. cry and cry. And ask yourself questions; why does this hurt? what do I have to learn? Why I’m sad (or any feeling) Do I love him? Do I miss him?…just keep digging..or dont digg, just feel. When i first found Rori, I needed to digg, to find the deep feelings behind it – and in the begingI needed to know why i cried.

    Now I just cry, and feel what I feel…most time I dont even need a reason; I have accepted I cry for any feeling I get and they can shift very very fast 😛

    Embrace the pain, feel it, yes it is a hell…and it takes curage to embrace it. But I promice you if you manage to feel the pain for 1 sec, the next time, you manage 2 sec, the next time 3 sec. and so on.

    I know when you are feelin such pain, not much anyone say helps – belive me I been so deep I stopped to feel – but trust me on this one: feeling pain is a whole lot better then shuting your heart down. I was emotionall dead for 6 years…and never, never again. I rather take all pain in teh world, feel it, embrace it, then not feel anything.

    Love and light to you, healing and hope.

  196.  #196faith on January 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    RE:: 195 Jenny:

    THANK YOU very much jenny…. i have been feeling this pain/depression for 9months now.. I wish i could just move on with my life.. but my ex is still so stuck in my head and heart!! i love him but i have to let him go.. because if he wanted to be with me.. he would have contacted me by now.

  197.  #197Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    FW 172

    My apologize if my message to you sounded hard. I know you just wanted to help. And I want to be help. Yes. I really do.

    I was feeling happy and relieved after my short conversation with P and then I read your message and I just felt like going back feeling sad… It’s not about you. I just felt defensive.

    The pattern is already identified. I know I use to be like that. And I try to control it and deal with it as much as I can. Today, it just pop up again. But I didn’t do anything of those things. Well I did leaned forward a little but I didn’t of course “controlling and crying to him on the phone and beg him to spend time with me.”. This would have feel awful. I just had a moment that I felt like doing like I use to. But I didn’t. I guess I’m baby stepping and just two little messages instead of all this is still a good improvement.

    What do you think?

  198.  #198Silver-Tongued Siren on January 27, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Oooh. Sirens.

    B-F-o-b just posted this ……….

    Why am I looking at his page????

    ugh. I try to keep all fb checking minimal. 😀

    Is it for me?? I want to know. But I’m not going to ask. Who is it for??? He’s been sitting around making playlists and daydreaming? not talking to meeee? gahhh

    I’m not sure what a few of the songs are referring to, or maybe I do..

    but the theme of this seems to be amazing-it’s real kind of love, please be with me, it’s up to you, with a little bit of sadness loneliness and i don’t really know how you feel – mixed in.

    oh yes i’m so in his head but i’m doing it here, not there. 😀

    and I’m not going to ask about it. ohhh but I wish I could. Ohhh i wish someone would make a mix like that for meeee. 😀

    17-youth lagoon
    it is not meant to be -tame impala
    we could walk together- the clientele
    it’s real -real estate
    get back -woods
    gifts and the raft -the cave singers
    magic – girls
    ex girl collection -the wrens
    pvc – suuns (two U’s yes)
    year of the tiger – st vincent
    davey crockett -fang island
    where i’m going – cut copy
    you put a smell on me – matthew dear
    h.a.m. explicit version -kanye west & Jay z
    fancy – drake
    happy -best coast
    so so lovely -shigeto (instrumental only)
    soft -washed out
    the rip tide – beruit
    putting the dog to sleep -the antlers

  199.  #199Jenny on January 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    @ 196: faith

    Yes oh yes I know how it is when you have someone stuck in your head.

    BUt the more you accept he is there…just let him be there, and dont try not to think about him. The easier it will be.

    I was going mental over one men in my head this summer, then I just gave up: “Ok fine, be in my head” And when ever I was doing something, like cutting the grasslaw..I was saying “So comon ::: now I’m going to cut the grass and you are following, enjoy the ride”

    And just learned how to be with him in my head, and strange it become a sort of compainion, he was there, just let him be there – and live your life. You dont need to let go, just need to keep do things that feels good for you. One minute at a time…

    I feel contected to you, I feel your pain. You are not alone in this world.

  200.  #200Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Starla 177 – Don’t worry. Thank you for this and thank you for your support in the last days 🙂

  201.  #201Turquoise on January 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Camille…. I didn’t realize T was your ex. Wow, wow, wow. And LK, that your grandparents were married and divorced twice, but still lived next door and had coffee together. Again wowza. I wonder how many people remarry their ex’s?

    I have procrastinated on some housework/laundry, so I can’t stay to chat, but I’ll try to get on later. My ex is on his way, still a few hours out because he got stuck in traffic. He was planning to stay at his moms this weekend, but she told him it wasn’t a good weekend for him to come up. She likes to control things, especially when it comes to him. I told him he could stay at my house with the girls. I could go to my moms or something. He said he wouldn’t kick me out of my own house and that he’d think about it. A little later I got a text from him saying he was concerned that there could be drama. I responded that I don’t want any drama, it just feels nice to have him here and makes the girls happy. I have the feeling we may end up talking some. I will let him lead, see what comes up, and mirror my feelings. No expectations, no ultimatums, no pressure, and no drama.

    I felt drawn to the email today about responding in anger being a cry for love. We had our share of those kinds of conversations, throughout our whole relationship. I’m excited to heal how I handle myself the next time something like that happens. To not get riled up and yell back. To really listen, to take turns and maintain my composure.

    I will be back when I can. Love to you all!!!! Send me good vibes tonight to lean wwwwaaaaaayyyyyyyy back,receive and use my feeling messages! 🙂

    Universe… please let this man NOT smell so good to me that I can’t think straight!!!! I need a clear head, not a pheremone dripping one. Thank you!

  202.  #202Starla on January 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Holy goodness I have checked my email so many times today.

    Just waiting for an admissions letter that isn’t necessarily due to arrive for a couple more months


    Feeling really excited lol

  203.  #203Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Turquoise!!!! I feel sooooo excited for you….k sending you lots of sexy lean back I’m the air you need to breath vibes!!! 🙂 keep us posted!!!

  204.  #204Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    I feel happy it’s Friday. This was a hard week.

    And I’m happy I leaned a little forward with P. At least I stopped worried and I can enjoy my weekend alone instead of crying. Quick fix? Maybe. I hope not. We’ll see.

    Now I’m ready to lean waaaayyyyyy back. And take care of me.

    I have no plans for the weekend. No plans at AT. And I decided that I am not leaning forward with my friends either now since they don’t show interest. This week, I texted my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD because I was sad… She replied 2 days later… Pfffff.

    Whatever. This weekend I just need me. It’s gonna be a movies and books weekend. I need to relax and to rest.

    I’m already on my couch, with my lovely dog. I took my book with me and a warm blanket… Will go to bed early too. I feel exhausted. Probably too much emotions this week…

    Next one will be better.

  205.  #205Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Oh Turquoise!! Good vibes to you!!!!! ))))))))))))))))

    I feel excited! Good luck! xoxo

  206.  #206Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Turquoise, you sound so good and so grounded. Enjoy the evening with your family, stay true to yourself and he won’t be able to resist you!

  207.  #207faith on January 27, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    RE:: 199 Jenny:

    thank you much jenny!!

  208.  #208Becky on January 27, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    So is this a thing for men, a masculine type of energy way to look at the world or does this apply to women too?

  209.  #209Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Wow I found some motivation and right now I am going through a list of movies they have at the video club (yeah I’m old school like that and I like going to the video club instead of renting my movies by my cable distributor or online) and I will go get a movie and some pop corn and date myself tonight!

  210.  #210Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 4:07 pm


    isn’t it wonderful to spend some quiet time and be in love..

  211.  #211Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Lizka..yay!! I am going to be doing the same thing 🙂

    Becky…I feel confused about your question…what do you mean? 🙂

    k I’m finding lots of fun questions to ask men through texting or dating that keeps the “attraction and tension”…just because I’m finding that men are intrigued when I ask fun flirty questions 🙂 I do it in a feminine way of course 😉

    my favorite question I can’t wait to use…”what is your best secret skill?” lol I love it!!

  212.  #212lk on January 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    dahhh my apartment looks terrible. i feel horribly ugly. cd is coming over in 45 min….. i’m scared to go out in this cold !!!!!! NOOOOOO i feel so displeased & anxious : ( ummm but yes a hug will feel so nice : ) i’m just going to focus on that first hug & get myself into a place where i’m ready for that Welcome : ) ok i can do that & i feel good thinking that. i feel terrified & weird. oh, lk…. that’s just humans. it’s just humans. i’m just a human…. breathing……. i’m going to go find some pretty shirt or dress… & have a glass of water…… & i will take a super short shower i think : )

    lol i never hit enter…. well now it is 5 & i have cleaned my bathroom (?), done the dishes (?), body brushed, showered, opened all my mail (??), & straightened up very quickly actually !

    & now of course i see the message he sent that he will be 30 min late : ) perfect ! as i am nxked lol

    & also: i thought to step on the scale & see how “fat” i am… lol, well i’ve lost 5 lbs. that makes sense why my body was feeling a little Foreign or strange or uncomfortable i suppose. also, that made me think that maybe my skin is behaving “badly” a bit because of how healthily i’ve been eating & it’s just flushing toxins ? possible & a nicer thought than the other one about me simply being horrid & ugly lol poor lk

    & i’m going to go make it just a bit better around here in a few ways & put some sort of garment on that covers me a bit but that still allows me to re-apply moisturizer.

    also, i hope he doesn’t think i’m going to be ready.

    oh & also i decided that i’m going to tell him all how dark i was feeling today. & about all my anxiety & everything. I ripped up part of my upper right arm absently today & i want to show him so he knows what it looks like when i feel upset & he can know to be gentle with me. i feel a little nervous to show him, but not so Ashamed as i used to. & it feels better that i can say i almost never do it now.

  213.  #213lk on January 27, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    @Becky 208

    i think i have man woman boy girl – all : )

  214.  #214Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Oh and DjCD is talking to me on Facebook. He’s cute and nice. I told him about my friends who aren’t calling me and that I decided stop calling them. He seems sincerely sad for me. 🙂

    LaughingCD sent a message too… we exchange a few messages but I feel blaaaah

  215.  #215Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 4:16 pm


    When a man asks us what we do for work…

    I know Rori gives ways to talk about our work in feeling messages…

    but another playful way to do it is to say..
    HIM: So, what do you do for a living?

    HER: Well, here’s how I spend my days. See if you can guess what I do. My office always smells great. When clients walk in, they usually have problems or pain. I’m not a doctor, but I use sterilized tools. My clients include stressed-out professionals and women who can’t get pregnant. By the time they leave, they’re usually happier and hopeful.

    HIM: (smiling) Hmmmm … Are you a really nice human resource lady with a bottle of Valium?

    Greenwald, Rachel (2010-03-25). Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love . . . Or Never Call Back

  216.  #216Flor on January 27, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Does anyone have any good books on how a couple should deal with finances? I’ve been dating a guy now for 6 months and things are pretty serious but one thing that’s been difficult is that he’ll invite me on trips and has just told me to pay what I can. I do pay what I can but I get the feeling from him that this isn’t enough…I just don’t know how to talk about finances, what expectations for money and finance should be, etc. I also feel that right now I might be too poor to get married. I’m 30 and returning to grad school, and I think I might be too poor to consider getting married…any advice?

  217.  #217Flor on January 27, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    PS Jilly,

    I love that advice on speaking about your career!

  218.  #218Camille on January 27, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    well I talked to “T” …………I dont know how it went, but for the first time in 10 years with him……..I said Im tired of feeling scared to tell you whats in my heart. Im tired of not being authentic with you because Im my fear. Im tired of acting like Im mad, when I just want a big hug and to feel safe in your arms.

    I dont want to lash out at you when I’m hurt, as I’ve done in the past……thinking subconciously that if I get a certain kind of reaction you must still care.

    And……I want to respect your wishes. So dont tell me what you think will cause drama, or hurt or protect you. You tell me how you feel in your heart and Ill respect that and Ill tell you whats in my heart and you can respect that.

    and I told him. I feel hurt and sad. I am not feeling angry or vendictive so his stuff is fine at the house……Ill be honest I put it away in boxes because its difficult for me to look at and not fill my head with thoughts of us and then want to fix everything.

    I said I completely understood needing relief from the drama and the arguing…….as I was enjoying the relief from all of that too, but I did miss him and I loved him, probably always will in some way.

    He said I love you too, I always have but right now it seems like were trying to force two things together that dont go together. (silence…….I didnt answer I just wanted to listen)

    He said he didnt know where he was going or what he was doing because his heart was so filled with anger hurt and confusion that he couldnt get his mind clear to make a decision about what was best. But he still didnt want to talk about it or think about it. He said he would tell me when he made a decision and he appreciated me keeping his stuff for a while until he could tell me where to mail it or come pick it up.

    He said, stop being sad and go have some fun with your friends and I replied I will I have plans to do just that I think it would feel good to laugh and have some fun.

    He then said “I gotta go”

    I said it felt so good to hear your voice and I feel less anxious knowing your ok. Ill respect your wishes and not contact you. ( I havent contacted him anyway)

  219.  #219Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Memulo you know what I would not mention it again. I tend to dress how I feel. The thing is to have confidence in yourself and feel good about yourself no matter what. I tend to not go all out casual though when I am on dates. Even if the bottom is casual the top is usually a bit dressy. The key is feel good about yourself no matter where you are or what you are wearing. So my advice to you would be to identify some things that you feel sexy in and wear those on dates. It is different if it is something very formal like a wedding. Otherwise get some pieces in your wardrobe that make you feel good.

  220.  #220Zara on January 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    171: Camille says:
    To have a husband like my father would be amazing!
    Friday, 27 January 2012 @ 1:37pm

    “Le plus fort c’est mon père” 🙂

    (personal quick translation, as usual)
    “It is my father, the strongest” or “my father is the best” or “my father is a champ” etc…

    How did you manage Mummy
    To know that Daddy,
    Sunny days as storming days,
    Would not leave?
    Did you feel certain of it?
    Or if you did not know,
    Can the wrenches
    Be foreseen?

    How did you manage Mummy,
    To find the right guy?
    How did you meet him?
    What did you love him for?
    Was there just one
    Throughout all this present century
    And it happens that it is you who sleeps with him?

    How could you find
    A man who is not afraid,
    Who promises without shaking,
    Who loves from his whole heart?
    I used to say long ago
    But not in the same way,
    “You are lucky Mummy,
     It is my Father, the strongest.”

    How is it, Mummy,
    That in my  life of mine
    With so many lovers,
    With so many choices,
    I have not found yet
    A man like him,
    Able to be a friend, father and husband?

    How did you manage, Mummy,
    To open up your heart for him,
    Without him running away
    With all the best of you?
    Are there magical words
    You said, not aware of it?
    Tell me then what it is I should tell.

    How could you find
    A man who is not afraid,
    Who promises without shaking,
    Who loves from his whole heart?
    I used to say long ago
    But not in the same way,
    “You are lucky Mummy,
    It is my Father, the strongest.”

    When I show signs of loving them,
    Men’s expression changes.
    If I dare feel bounded
    They start to resent me.
    If I speak of future,
    They are already far behind.
    I was right to say it:
    “It is my Father, the strongest.”

    Are you gonna tell me Mummy,
    How could you know
    Right from the beginning,
    That he was no coward,
    That he was not gonna run away,
    And that he was gonna do it all
    For me to be able to say
    “It is my Father, the strongest.”

    What did it feel like
    When you met him?
    Did it look like 
    He was gonna love you so much?
    Men very often
    Seem extraordinary,
    But bear in mind, Mummy,
    That it is my Father, the strongest.

  221.  #221Camille on January 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I dont know what you “Sirens” think………but I feel like hes still up in the air (maybe wishful thinking)

    So Ill just go have a blast while hes gone. And remember why its fun to be single.

  222.  #222Camille on January 27, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    I love that…….Thank you so much! (((HUGS))))

  223.  #223Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Camille that sounds like you have found some internal peace in the midst of the storm.

  224.  #224Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Camille change up things around the house a little bit. Also change yourself – maybe a different haircut, color, and wear different colors. This is something I have seen Rori advice women. It is for you.

  225.  #225Tracy on January 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Faith, my name is Tracy. We talked about 5 months ago. I was going through the same thing you were. I broke up with my boyfriend back at the end of June,we dated for over a year. I totally cut all contact off with him because I just felt I was not getting my needs and wants met. Even though I did this my feelings for him were always there. We never spoke again, it’s been 7 months. He never tried to call me to see and why I did what I did. Obviously I guess I never meant that much to him. I know how you feel. But I can actually say I really don’t think about him that much anymore. It’s getting easier every day. I have a new boyfriend now,and he is totally wonderful. And I have a really busy life. Have you tried to date others? It does help. Just go about your life, and maybe one day when you least expect it, that’s when you’ll hear from him. I still believe mine will call me one day. Omg! I don’t know what I would do though. We live in the same town. Do you? I’m really glad you never called him. Your a strong person. It will get better with time.

  226.  #226Camille on January 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Ive been feeling like I needed a definite answer of whether he was staying for sure or going.

    But it felt so good to say what was in my heart to him instead of saying what I thought he wanted to hear, or something to hurt him cause I had been hurting.

    Authenticity is very calming.
    I allowed my voice to crack when I said things that were emotional like “I miss you and I love you” but I loved how strong it changed to when I said “I respect you”

    No game playing just me telling my truth!

    Its seems ok now that no matter what he does at least I had a chance to tell him why I have not been honest (out of fear)

    maybe he can stop blaming too….me or himself?

    I just feel so good now that I was totally honest about what was in my heart.

  227.  #227Camille on January 27, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    OH YA………I still dont feel like he gave me a concrete Yes or No

    but I dont care at the moment……..

  228.  #228Camille on January 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Im on it
    I bought two darling bedside table the other day for the bargain price of $9.99 I have painted them to look old and put them on each side of the bed.

    One for me and one for my “perfect companion” Im preparing for him, whoever it may be

    I also hung an old painting that I have had in the cellar. That I painted years ago………Its Camellia bushes in Georgia that I painted on site.

  229.  #229Camille on January 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Feminine Woman,
    Thank you so much for all of your help. I really do appreciate it, and you always seem to be there.

    It reminds me of having my Grandmother again, she was always there with the perfect thing to say!

    Thank You So!

  230.  #230Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Thank you FW!

    You know, I did feel good about my outfit, with golden sleeveless top and tightest fancy jeans, but when I walked in the room, every other woman was wearing a cocktail dress lol. And normally I am the one who is slightly overdressed! So I told him jokingly that if I wasn’t given the plan the moment I was leaving the house perhaps I’d be wearing a pretty dress too.

    Was wondering today how to communicate that I want to know plans in advance, but at the end decided not to. I hate to say the same thing over and over again, prefer to wait and see if he remembers my request from the 1st time.

  231.  #231Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    I agree, dressing casual on a date doesn’t make the event feel special. It somehow downgrades it 🙁

  232.  #232Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm


    Such a pretty song again! And a great translation 🙂

  233.  #233Camille on January 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    I just re-read Rori’s post and you know what
    I dont want to be in a relationship where the man feels like hes trying to force something together that doesnt fit. I dont want a relationship where a man can weather the storm.

    I want someone who doesn’t leave because he feels my fear. I want a companion who has roots with me who stands strong in our love, and doesnt let the ups and downs change how he feels about being with me. Im gonna have ups and downs Im a woman Im supposed to and I will have no more fear about revealing them to anyone anywhere.

    I wont fear failure, because If I live authentically there is no failure! That is the success BEING AUTHENTIC it doesnt matter how a situation unfolds it can not be seen as a failure or success,

    Success is Authenticity….I will be successfull. If this relationship with “T” ends. It is not a failure. Its a success because out of this relationship and its turbulance I have seen what I fear, acknowledged it, faced it and it shall be gone. So it is!

  234.  #234Camille on January 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I want a man just like my dad,
    Who has the strength to carry his family through great times and really rough times.

    He understands my mother and her feminine feelings. He doesnt take it personally because she feels.

    He is strong, wise, makes decisions that benefit everyone not himself.

    I want a man just like my dad. He loves all of us unconditionally, If we mess up he still loves us. You cant say the wrong thing to him. You cant not just throw your arms around him. He can give and give but he recieves so graciously..

    I want a man just like my dad.

  235.  #235Camille on January 27, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    I dont want to hear, “I dont know what to do” I want a man who says “I know exactly what to do”

    Whatever it is that will make you happy!
    Because when you are happy I am happy..

    And I will be happy no matter what any one does for me. Its a choice. Im going to be happy!

  236.  #236Luzydel on January 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    So I “stopped” leaning forward with “S” and eventually he is coming towards me. It feels better this way, letting him and other men com to me and me being open to them 🙂 I have a meeting with “S” tomorrow and another with a new POF guy on Sunday; had another guy asking me to spend time with him, but I realized we live too far from each other and it may be hard to meet etc.

    I still Crave for “S”, but I am going to force myself to CD others until I have the commitment I want, until I buy that dress I saw at the store to get married one day. I do not need an engagement ring, (though it wont hurt if the guy buys me one) I just want to hear him say he wants to marry me… Who is him? who knows?

  237.  #237FlowerChild77 on January 27, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Brenda….how did your job interview go? 🙂

  238.  #238Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    Nice Luzydel!!

  239.  #239Luzydel on January 27, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Another thing I am realizing is that I do not want to turn into someone that does not want to commit because she is having too many options; I want to know how to find a balance between Cding when no one is committing to me, and becoming exclusive when a man is offering/giving me what I want. Cding superficially can get so addicting and it can also feed our fears of real intimacy if we are not careful.

  240.  #240Peaches on January 27, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    @952 from the last thread

    Thank you Lolita….I feel all mixed up this morning and sad.
    I feel all yukyy and uncomfortable in my stomach, like theres a rock in there, and I still know I did the right thing


  241.  #241Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Errr this guy is such a charmer… not! He sent me a text asking which day works better, Sat or Sun. I replied nicely about Sat. Now he texts: Ok sat. It probably means that he found a babysitter, but how romantic is this text lol? I feel so wooed when he spends more then 2 characters confirming the date lol.

    And I think that he is the smartest and one of the most genuine guys I met in a while.

  242.  #242Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Hmm should I tell him now or better when we meet..


    It’s nice to have options and don’t think you have to worry about being the non-committing girl. You are too loving for that.

  243.  #243Liz on January 27, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    I have been super busy and have not had time to check on posts….and I just got up to #187…..just have to jump in….
    i feel so horrible and completely unfeminine and undesirable…..i saw accountantCD’s gf….who is a student where i teach…..and she is not half the woman i am, but she has him and it feels like she is just more comfortable being womanly and i always had to feel so like a tomboy growing up and in control…and i feel awful about myself….i want to learn how to be vulnerable and soft and receiving and trusting…!

  244.  #244Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 5:32 pm


    Yeah if she is so wonderful why was he falling for you lol. You don’t know her and of course you can decide that she is everything you are not, but I highly doubt it. They never are, you know:)

    I once read an interesting article. When a woman sees a rival she tries to mirror her and forget who she is. When a man sees a rival he becomes even more of what he is, he never tries to change. I know we are here all about being feminine, but ever since I read that I choose to behave like a guy in these situations. it’s so much fun!

  245.  #245Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    I went to the corner store, bought all kind of chips, cookies and coke, I wear my pyjama and I ordered a movie online. I’m ready to have a wonderful time with myself (and my cute little dog). Hourray!!

  246.  #246Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Oh and I turned my phone off!

  247.  #247Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    @98: faith says:

    Sorry faith just saw the double negative…

    The sentence should read:

    It doesn’t seem odd to me that he hasn’t contacted you since you broke up;…

  248.  #248Luzydel on January 27, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    I was listening to the radio this morning and they were asking female callers about men who did not commit. Most women said that they decided to leave after a long time of courtship and started dating other men, then their formers BF’s came back asking them to marry. Others came back, but the women met someone else, and others did not come back, but they felt it was the best decision they’ve made. This is Cding, even though this women may not know about it.

    Maybe I have to risk everything in order to gain something, still it is scary, I am not getting any younger (37) and I crave that healthy, yummy companionship with a man.

  249.  #249Starla on January 27, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    My roommate, who isn’t actually my roommate per se but my friend who is staying here for free until back on her feet, is really starting to piss me off.

    i can’t wait for her to get her life together and get out of here.

    i’m venting here because i don’t want to talk badly about her to my friends who know her. she’s not a bad person. just not good roommate material. and i knew this, from when we were actually roommates, but somehow i had the idea that if she was living here for free, that she would be different this time.

    i guess that’s not the case

    but i said to myself going in this that she was ‘family’ to me, so i would welcome her as such (the best i know how, having only stayed with family myself less than a handful of times on visits to them).

    it’s tricky. because on one hand, i want her to make herself at home, which means eating the food and using the kitchen and whatnot. but on the other hand, if she really were family, i’d be like “sister, stop eating all my food and stop making a mess.” but she’s not family…she’s a friend…and when we were roommates we talked about this stuff, but she’s leaving ASAP, so with both of us being such sensitive people, i’d rather just let it go.

    i DO talk to her about bigger stuff that’s bugged me, so i’m not a total pushover 😀

  250.  #250Liz on January 27, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Thank-you sweetie.
    I feel better. You are right. I tried to mirror her. I have a twin sister, so seeing her is helping me heal some female competition energies….it’s just I don’t feel like a good mom, i am so glad my son has a friend over, I don’t want to pay attention to him at all….
    and you are right, he was falling for me….so maybe i am okay just the way i am…
    thanks a TON!!!!!
    I feel like I just need some physical touch….and all that skin brushing sounds like a lot of work right now…
    you gals have a great night…

  251.  #251Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Starla I don’t see it as being a pushover. These are the types of things that come up when you live with people, regardless of who they are and frankly speaking I expected this to happen. The thing is though it is good practicing of how you will be in “the relationship”. The fact that you are not talking about her with friends is huge, because men experience that kind of thing as disrespect. It would be great if you could figure a way to address it with her without being blamey. Great practice.

  252.  #252Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Luzydel ask yourself what would you be risking? Because really what do you have?

  253.  #253Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 5:56 pm


    Thanks for the update. I added your post to the file I created last year for your info.

    I’ve really gotten into the Dr. Oz segments. There was an interesting segment on today pelvic prolapse. I’ve seen much nutrition info also. Good stuff.

    The segment on 100% certified organic cocoanut oil and n-acetyl cysteine as anti-oxidant supplements. Very interesting…


  254.  #254Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Luzydel I don’t know, cdating is helping me to identify get over my fear of intimacy. I find I can allow men to flirt with me no matter who they are, they can touch me where I would be resistant before and I can now cry in front of them and don’t give a crap about what they think of me when I do. I am learning to just hang loose and be myself again.

  255.  #255Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    ooh ohhh, Starla, I want to practice.

    Roomie, I feel hesitant to say this because I feel so much love for you and don’t want to create any weird feelings between us. I want to feel free to be honest and authentic with you.

    I feel uncomfortable about our boundaries around food and cleaning up. It would feel good to have some clarity around this.

    I enjoy sharing food with you and at the same time, I want for things to feel balanced. Sometimes I feel really shaken up when I come home expecting to eat something and it’s no longer there.

    Also, it’s hard for me to relax when things aren’t arranged the way I like. I feel worried that I will sound petty, yet I feel so bothered when I see crumbs on the counter.

    Haha! Just rambling here. I love practicing things like this!

    I feel a little more challenged though to say it in person :-/

  256.  #256Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Camille remember it is the way that we share our fear that could create problems. Men don’t want to be on the receiving end of unresolved emotions.

  257.  #257Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm


    You sound fantastic. Congratulations and I feel so much respect for all the hard work you’ve done.

  258.  #258siren song on January 27, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Sigh. I wrote a big long post and it either was lost when I went to publish it or it’s in moderation.

    Long story: the angry guy freaked out at me and isn’t responding to my texts about getting my belongings (including my computer) from his house.

    I feel sad. I don’t want to be around angry men anymore.

    I want my computer back. I don’t want to see him anymore, at least that how I feel right now.

    I feel bummed out. I feel scared I will never find someone I’m attracted to who is into me and who wants to treat me well.

    I feel like crying.

  259.  #259Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Memulo he might have felt blamed for “So I told him jokingly that if I wasn’t given the plan the moment I was leaving the house perhaps I’d be wearing a pretty dress too”.

    So if you had brought it up again he might have tuned you out. I would just wait for the next invite to express my boundary.

  260.  #260Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    (((((((((((((siren song))))))))))))))))) Give yourself some compassion. Also give him some time to cool off. He won’t stay angry at you forever. He also might surprise you and bring the computer over.

  261.  #261Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    I feeling a bit overwhelmed today. Life is okay, yet I still feel this residual sadness about my mom.

    I feel judgmental of myself.

    “you sound like a little kid; all worried about your mommy.”

    side note: I’m not sure if that’s proper use of a semi-colon but I hear they are cool.

    Ahhh, a wise friend said that these obsessive thoughts about my mom are keeping me from focusing on what is really important in my life.

    What is really important in my life?

    That I take care of me
    That I respect my emotional state
    that I treat myself to loving thoughts
    that I grow and contribute to the world

  262.  #262Starla on January 27, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    when it comes to things like “you ate the leftovers that i cooked us last night special and was planning on eating tonight” it seems pointless. i think i’d be better off telling her when i cook up a big meal “i’m going to eat these leftovers tomorrow.”

    or like her general destructive carelessness. she is an extremely destructive girl in that she spills, stains, messes, splatters, knocks, tears… my poor house is taking a beating. it’s truly remarkable!! something for the memoirs.

    i’ve known her always to be this bad, except for when it was her own house with no roommates (funny how that works). so i don’t think telling her to be less of a tornado in my home is going to do anything but make her feel bad. it won’t change.

    i am VERY glad i decided to wait until she was gone to have my brand new sofa delivered, though.

    thank you for letting me vent.

  263.  #263Peaches on January 27, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    FW..can I ask if you were scared to cdate?

    When I first read about here I struggled to imagine myself doing it, then I remembered I had 4 or 5 guys to choose from when I picked my ex, and I was fine with that!

    I also remember the saying a pair and a spare from the book The Rules….but now I feel scared to respond and probably would chicken out at the last minute if someone asked me out.

    I feel lazy and full of apathy and can’t be bothered even, and know its early days for me still.

    hmm……i sabotage myself. I wonder if this is a pattern for me in all of my life. Knowing what I should and could do, but not doing any of it. Like pay my bills. Clean my house. Show up on time. I could blame for my ex for all of that..such an energy drain that I let happen.
    Now he’s gone, i have to show up for myself I guess. I ended up thinking this after I got all blamey and analytical in my head about his patterns.
    Turnaround. Looking in the mirror.

  264.  #264siren song on January 27, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Thanks fw.

    Sinking into the sad feelings.


  265.  #265Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Starla: I feel respect that you are venting here rather than to mutual friends. I have always, at some point, felt irritated with roommates. Hope you feel better soon.

  266.  #266Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Thank you FW.

    Yes, it does feel like too much criticism to remind him about this mistake. Especially since he went way out of his way to make the date special. Can you believe it, to my ‘romantic/flowers/looking in the eyes’ text he first said: ‘I was asking about the type of a restaurant’ and when I said ‘ahh felt like I was asked about my dream date!’ he said: ‘We will do both. Restaurant and the dream’. And he did!!

  267.  #267Starla on January 27, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    259 LG
    i would use a comma there or no punctuation at all. depends on if you’re explaining why you sound like a kid (use a comma) or if you’re explaining what particular kind of kid you sound like (no comma).

    i don’t keep in line with grammar or mechanics rules here….hell, i don’t even capitalize. but i sure as hell KNOW them and let “the man” pay me decent money to tell him when he’s using them wrong.

  268.  #268Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Peaches that sound like the story of my life. Yes I am scared to do it but when I look at my history in relationships I did it without thinking when I was younger. I am still scared but with each tiptoe forward my self esteem goes up so I keep tiptoeing forward. I actually have a guy who keeps talking about “forever” and I keep giving him a hard time. But he won’t go away.

  269.  #269Starla on January 27, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    lg, will you let me know how you feel reading my 265? I find i make people feel stupid a lot when it comes to this sort of stuff, but all i am ever really doing is getting super excited about grammar and stuff. so i would feel interested in hearing how it struck you.

    also, that thing your friend said about using your mom worries to distract you from your own life…that resonates with me so much. when i didn’t have the interest or wherewithal to focus on my own life and happiness, i would 150% focus on my men. it’s a wonder i’ve accomplished anything with how much fighting and crying and worrying i’ve done with men.

  270.  #270Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 6:28 pm


    It sounds like you only have the choice of cleaning your place, taking care of food and enjoying her company vs cleaning your place, taking care of food and not enjoying her company. More or less. Just close your eyes and enjoy the ride 🙂

  271.  #271Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    I have a lot to do tonight. A few unexpected opportunities popped up that I have to prepare for.

    I am going snowboarding for the first time ever tomorrow. omg!

    I get invited often and never go. Today I received an invite from a friend of mine who is taking his son up and offered to teach me while he teaches his son. It will be fun and is a sort of CD which will be good for me.

    So I gotta get ready for that and a few other opportunities that have popped up.

    Sweetie has been extra sweet lately. After that disagreement we had the other day, things have felt much better between us. We found some clarity about certain issues and things feel better now.

    Have a great night everyone!

    I feel curious how things are going with Turquoise and her ex! really great, I’ll bet.


  272.  #272Starla on January 27, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Wow LG that practice you wrote out re: my roomie is amazing! i am going to study these feeling messages! so non blamey!!

    i’m still gonna pick my battles, but it feels good to know i’m not powerless to communicate! thank you!!

  273.  #273siren song on January 27, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    LG: yay! Snowboarding!

  274.  #274Starla on January 27, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    269 lg i feel glad to hear your sweetie and you are feeling better

  275.  #275siren song on January 27, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    FW and others who are cding…

    What happens when a guy asks if you have plans and you do…with another guy…and the first guy asks? Do you say ‘I have plans?’

    I do and I feel scared they’ll ask more questions. Just wondered because I have a date tuesday and another guy is asking about the same night. I’m afraid he’ll get mad.

    Gah! I’m so scared of making guys mad right now.

    Now I feel giddy!

  276.  #276Queenbee on January 27, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    RE: #1 ‘wow, thank you Rori?… ??

    Well for me, what I feel is wasted emotions. One needs to choose who one practices on… or is this not so?

    I feel wasted emotions. In the name of practicing, I over-extended myself. Ok, not that I’m blaming anyone. He had every right to treat me ‘however’ and it was my decision to stay or not. And I ‘kinda’ stayed… in the name of ‘practicing’,… but what I really did was throw m pearls to pigs.

    What can I do? I want my wasted emotions back!!! All in the name of ‘practicing’, but I want ’em back.

    I feel awful. I spent time, energy, emotion, sharing this with a man who only got his ‘kicks’ out of me sharing my deepest emotions… all in the name of ‘practicing’ ,,,, and what did I get in return?? Ok, nothing… maybe some short term results… like he turns around…

    What I really needed to know was how to leave a man. How to choose who to share authentically with. A man whose energy is flowing towards me.

    Here I have a man who disappears at all ‘hallmark’ events… I still feel like complaining.

    Ok, I get it. He is not emotionally available. Took me forever. Wish I cudda learned this sooner! And I still feel upset…. like whatta bout all those emotions I spent???

    That’s what really erks me!!?/ How do I live with my leaning forwardness…. my ‘over-practicing’???

    And Rori, after all the crap she’s been through, she tells it all.. but I still feel awful.

    I wish I could be better. I wish I could drop a man as soon as… and avoid the pain, confusion, and humiliation.

    Yet, here I am. ‘Over-practiced’ if you ask me. Yet he never showed up for any hallmark event.

    Then I say, if I can listen to my intuition, and have the strength to follow through, then I shall be fine.

    But then, here I am, CDing, meeting men… and the man who once NEVER stole my heart. I finally feel attracted to, and he is not there.

    For all I know, he could be frequenting prostitutes.

    So sad, my heart hurts… like I let another man take advantage of me…

    Yet, here I am. It is over, nothing more to say, humiliaitiion’s been done… what more??? Nothing else. Once the humiliation is done there IS nothing else.

    And now, what do I feel, just an emptiness, a saddness, looking for a way forward… how can I expres my feelings….

    And then I’m just lost… and it can all happen tmrw… it can all turn on a dime… and here I am feeing sad as a non-button.

    I love myself. Please help me to overcome this… and perhaps stop beating myself up… even with all the ‘saddness’ and ‘ confusion.

    Love to all.


  277.  #277Butterfly Wings on January 27, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    RAWR!!!! I feel so frustrated right now!!! I’m writing this ebook for a client and really not enjoying it, and finally found my voice to text software which makes writing soooo much quicker and easier so I was feeling excited about being able to use it again!

    But when I tried to install it, it said it wasn’t compatible with my laptop (which is a newer version than my old one). ARGH! So I couldn’t install it.

    So I’ve messaged my brother and will call my parents to see if they have the latest version of the software so I can use theirs.

    Meanwhile TH just doesn’t “get” my frustration and was saying that I was “just making excuses” for not getting my work done etc and then said something about me being angry.

    I replied with “I’m not angry, I just feel misunderstood”. Then I walked away.

    Still feeling very frustrated and probably angry now to be honest… argh!!!

  278.  #278Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Starla: I felt fine reading that. It’s funny because I was just thinking about consulting you about my grammar.

    In school and standardized tests and all that, I excelled at everything except for grammar, which I got a low average in.

    As a fellow overachiever, I’m sure you can understand that average=failure.

    I dunno, for some reason it just doesn’t make sense to me. Honestly, when I read what you wrote about the semi-colon, it didn’t fully register. I still have to go back and reread it so I can fully understand.

    Anyway, I didn’t feel triggered at by what you said and I would like to improve my grammar skills. I love to write and I don’t want poor grammar to take away from my message.

    know what I mean?

  279.  #279Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Siren Song,

    Do you ever ask a guy what they do on the nights when they don’t ask you out lol? And get angry about whatever they do?

    It is no one’s business and I feel that saying that I have plans is sufficient. They ask me a question and I answer it. Another question could be: what days this week are you available? Then it becomes a lot easier to make plans 😉

  280.  #280Francesca on January 27, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    lk @ 27

    I like that. Wow.


  281.  #281Femininewoman on January 27, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    siren song I say I have plans. It is my life and I feel I am entitled to do what I want in it. I have gone as far as letting guys know I want to keep my options open until one guy offers me what I want. I talk about wanting to be married from early on also ask them “why aren’t you married yet”. The one guy who is my special rubberbands so I have decided I can do without him and the others I have decided no one will become special.

  282.  #282Starla on January 27, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    i took cf up on his offer to call him if i ever needed cheering up or to vent. i think this is my first time ever doing that, and he definitely has been offering that since the beginning last summer.

    so i called him and was like ‘ohhh i have no reason to call you, i just felt like it would feel nice to chat, today felt super annoying.’ and i told him about how i always end up being the leader socially with my friends, and how much it pisses me off because i try to make everyone happy but in the end everyone’s disappointed one way or another, so they should really do it themselves if they don’t like the social plans i make (i’m personally easy going and can do/go anywhere, so putting me in charge of making everyone happy is a stupid idea. yet it always happens like that).

    and i told him about how bad it feels when i notice people treating me like an expert or the resident brainiac/leader. and they don’t seem confident in their book knowledge when i’m around, and they’ll stop themselves in conversation with me to ask me if what they’re saying is true, as if i know everything (ummm i don’t!!!), and i feel so alienated and misunderstood and like i make everyone feel unsure of themselves.

    and on the other hand, there are some people who take me for an idiot, because i am bubbly and young and ghetto sometimes, especially in my using double negatives conversationally. that is my force of habit since i was a little girl. i don’t intend to change it.

    i feel trapped between two perceptions of me, both very extreme and very alienating.

    And I told him about how I dropped one of my classes, cuz i decided i was taking too much on.

    And how in the mentorship program i volunteer for I was piled on 8 little sisters without anyone asking me first.

    and he just faithfully listened. and when the conversation went dead for a minute, he would just say “ohhh Starla” all smitten, and say how glad he was that I called, and how big he was smiling just listening to me. it felt so sweet.

    when i hung up i called him back a few minutes later, feeling fully vented and like none of that stuff even mattered now. so i told him “ohhh CF you are such a faithful listener, it means so much to me, i feel light now and like none of that stuff even matters, i just felt compelled to tell you that because actually i feel renewed.”

    and he said “you are just a bundle of sweetness to me today (i’ve been praising him), i am so glad you feel better.”

    awwwwwwwwwww baaaaaaaaaaaaaarfffffff puuuuuuuuuuuke

    he says our plans tomorrow night are a surprise. i don’t know if this means anything special, but i feel excited anyway!

  283.  #283Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Siren Song:

    I would just say “I have plans”

    if he asks further, I would just say I’m hanging out with a friend, or a guy friend, or this guy I know. Whatever you feel comfortable with is fine.

    It’s really none of his business until you agree to a commitment of some sort.

  284.  #284Starla on January 27, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    lg, use a semicolon to separate two closely related ideas that are each capable of being complete sentences on their own.

    the semicolon is a dying punctuation mark:'(

    feel free to email me any time for grammar help. i do short proofreadings free for fun too lol. hit me up!

    Committing grammar rules to memory isn’t easy; one must study them thoroughly.

  285.  #285siren song on January 27, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    No, I don’t ask guys what they’re up to. The last time I did it was in a relationship where he cheated and I super-paranoid and felt scared he was stepping out on me all the time.

    I feel excited about the tuesday date. A guy I’ve known for years. So kind and lovely and positive…it will feel good to bask in that.

  286.  #286Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Awww Starla, I love hearing that story about CF.

    Some men don’t get how powerful it is for a man to just let us vent. I hear relationship coaches advise men of how important it is to do that. I feel happy that you found one who gets it already.

    I do want to ask though, what’s up with the barfing after telling these sweet stories? Are you reaching you bliss allowing threshold and have to bring things down a bit? Not trying to give you are hard time, just gently pointing that out cuz I love you 🙂

  287.  #287Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    @185: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…SLV…you’re right..the Dr. Oz show website isn’t very helpful. The site you probably want is This is his site, also, it’s got all the information right there for you…”

    Uh-oh. Something must have gone wrong for you. Did you go to the right web site? I said just the opposite.

    I’ve posted the real age link too a few times here on the blog. I’ve been on the real age newsletter mailing list for about twelve years.

    I love the Dr. Oz show website! It’s F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!! Although I’ve mainly been watching the television show the web site looks E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y helpful.

    Check it out. It follows up on the Doctor Oz television shows.

    The real age site is good too although it’s now owned by the Hearst media corporation and follows up the list of books he’s written with his then partner Michael Roizen, MD.

    This post is kind of long but I didn’t want to give the impression that I had said the Doctor Oz site was not good. It’s Very Good.

  288.  #288Memulo on January 27, 2012 at 6:54 pm


    ‘Committing grammar rules to memory isn’t easy; one must study them thoroughly’

    I don’t think so actually.. some people have a natural feeling for grammar and others do for numbers. Magic just happens.

  289.  #289Butterfly Wings on January 27, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Hmmm I think I am getting to the bottom of my frustration, which I kind of took out on TH. I don’t want this writing job and just feel icky in my tummy just thinking about what I’ve gotten myself into with it.

    I undercharged, it’s about a topic I really don’t feel passionate about, and it’s just going to be way too much work. I’m really not up for it.

    So I’ve decided I’m not going to complete the job and will let my client know. I tried to get out of it a while back but he begged me to do it, and now I regret saying I would and I feel so tense about it. Ick.

    So I should tell my client now so he can find someone else to do it…. ick again!

  290.  #290Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    OOPS 😳 in moderation… TWO links

    285: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    @185: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…SLV…you’re right..the Dr. Oz show website isn’t very helpful. The site you probably want is [realage-dot-com ]This is his site, also, it’s got all the information right there for you…”

    Uh-oh. Something must have gone wrong for you. Did you go to the right web site? I said just the opposite.

    I’ve posted the real age link too a few times here on the blog. I’ve been on the real age newsletter mailing list for about twelve years.

    I love the Dr. Oz show website! It’s F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!! Although I’ve mainly been watching the television show the web site looks E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y helpful.

    Check it out. It follows up on the Doctor Oz television shows.

    The real age site is good too although it’s now owned by the Hearst media corporation and follows up the list of books he’s written with his then partner Michael Roizen, MD.

    This post is kind of long but I didn’t want to give the impression that I had said the Doctor Oz site was not good. It’s Very Good.

  291.  #291Starla on January 27, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Memulo, I agree:) I was trying to find a relevant topic for a semicolon example.

    Math does not come easy for me…it would feel great to get a math degree just to say HAHA MATH I CONQUERED YOUR PERPLEXING ASS.

    but actually i’m a statistical researcher/analyst for a living, lol. imagine that.

  292.  #292FlowerChild77 on January 27, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    >>>”…remember it is the way that we share our fear that could create problems. Men don’t want to be on the receiving end of unresolved emotions.”<<<

    Thank you, FW for posting this. This is a major lesson for me. I always thought "being honest" was the key to everything. I, now, look back on much of the past and eeek! :-p

    There was a lot of anger (covering up hurt) and confusion—and I knew nothing about FMs. How very attractive I must have been most of the time! (not….)

    SLV…did you check out for Dr. Oz info? (or maybe you already knew about that.) He is my health "guru." I have most of his books.

    "YOU On a Diet" is a really good one for eating habits and healthy foods even if weight loss isn't the goal. I got that one first because it was free with a book club I joined and it got me 'hooked' on his other books and information from him, in general. He is my health "guru."

    Starla…you are a good soul. I don't think I would have the patience for someone in my house leaving messes and disasters. (I was glad to be done with that when my last child grew up and moved out!) She's lucky to have you for a friend 😉

  293.  #293Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    ***some people have a natural feeling for grammar and others do for numbers***

    I definitely have a natural feeling for numbers. I thought calculus and the accounting classes I took were relaxing and fun! My comfort for numbers expresses itself through my love and study of architecture, design, and music.

    Love systems, order, structure and then being able to be creative on top of that.

    Hmmm, yummy. I feel warm just thinking about this!

  294.  #294Starla on January 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    BW, i feel curious – what’s the topic?

    yes please do what you need to do to take care of your emotional well being:) even if it means dropping a job.

    or maybe there’s a less black and white/all or nothing solution for you to finish the job. i love it when that happens!

  295.  #295Peaches on January 27, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    FW I gave ny ex a hard time too. Back then i had a 90 day rule. I really tested him and he kept coming back.

    I can see that i missed lots of important red flags, like his ex-wife said he was abusive. he said he’s never hit a woman in his life and never would. I gave him a point for that. Silly me, forgot to explore other forms of abuse didn’t I???

    I didn’t slow it down, didn’t trust myself and pay attention to my gut.
    A little voice in the back of my head is going on at me about having another chance to do it right with him. Futile.

  296.  #296Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Yep I was triggered. I hate it when people are “trying to be nice.”

    Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.

    If one tries to be nice and I, the nicee, put up with it, then there is a corollary obligation for the nicer to read what I acually write.

    But if one did that there wouldn’t be a reason to “try to be nice” would there?

    Oh, what a problem we weave when first we practice to deceive.

  297.  #297Butterfly Wings on January 27, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    Starla, the topic is making money blogging. I know the subject inside out (because I do it!), but I’m just not “feeling” it!

    Meanwhile, I have another client who wants 3 articles on the Law of Attraction. THAT is the kind of writing I LOVE to do! Not this internet marketing stuff!

    So I just messaged my client, staying authentic and letting him know how sorry I was but that I was not making progress etc etc.

    Hopefully he responds favourably, but I’ll just have to accept what comes my way I suppose. At least he can’t provide bad feedback to me if the job’s been cancelled.

    I feel better now that I’ve cancelled the job too.

  298.  #298Starla on January 27, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    LG, i dunno why i say awwww puuuuke baaaaaarrrffff

    cuz it’s SOOO sickeningly sweet. i mean, i personally love it but i guess i feel self conscious and defensive here, waiting for someone to attack me because he hasn’t asked me for a serious commitment. so i am “getting excited over an imaginary relationship”

    i’ll take CF’s actually posturing himself through his behavior as my man over just talking about it every day. as i get a feeling more and more for who he is, and as we’ve talked about what i’m looking for, it’s clear to me he’d rather just BE what he’s offering, before he formally offers it to me.

    i dunno

    i feel soooooooooooo defensive here of my relationship with CF because it’s not committed. like none of these amazing supportive yummy safe sexy daily happenings are to be appreciated.

    i’m sure this is all my own trigger.

  299.  #299Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    BW, I know that experience of realizing that you have to let go of a commitment you made and feeling guilty about it.

    You gotta be gentle on yourself though. I’m sure he will understand. And what’s more important is that you take care of you.

    I would encourage you to be aware of guilty thoughts that want to creep in and not let them take hold.

    This job isn’t worth torturing yourself, destroying your relationship, taking time from things that are more important.

    Not to mention that you may help out a person who is looking for a job by giving it up.

    Maybe you could even sub-contract someone to do most of the work?

  300.  #300Starla on January 27, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    *i’ll take it ANY DAY, not every day. oooooops

    also, i’m sure i could have brought up the serious talk by now with him, but he will bring it up eventually. he probably already does, and is finding the courage. he’s used to women trying to tie him down from the get-go. he’ll figure it out to initiate. he always does.

    awww puuukkeee baaaarf, right? 😉

  301.  #301Butterfly Wings on January 27, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Thanks LG. I’m not being too hard on myself because I know that this stress is not doing me (or TH) any good.

    I thought of sub contracting the job out, but it’s VERY hard to find someone with the same knowledge who’s also a brilliant writer – usually they’re one or the other, and again that would’ve been more stress to try to find someone.

    So I’m ok with my decision although I know TH will have some other words to say to the contrary, but I know I’ve done the right thing for me, so now I can concentrate on finding smaller writing jobs about topics I actually enjoy!

  302.  #302Francesca on January 27, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    lk @ 109

    Remember the day a guy told you you looked like a beautiful flower?

    Keep that in mind.

  303.  #303Starla on January 27, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    i am the typo/make no sense goddess tonight

    love to me

  304.  #304FlowerChild77 on January 27, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Oh…now I feel bad that I said that about the Dr. Oz site. Maybe I didn’t really look closely enough. I checked it out shortly after his show started and it seemed to be more of a guide to the show. I’ll have to check it out again. Thank you 🙂

    I’ve been doing the real-age thing for many years, as well. Sorry I asked you about this—again—I didn’t realize my post went to moderation.

    I guess I’m not paying attention….

  305.  #305Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 7:23 pm


    I can relate to feeling self-consciousness about sharing positive experiences here. I notice that I feel uncomfortable posting details about my relationship as I’ve had some experiences of having my relationship questioned because we live together and aren’t engaged or married.

    For me, it’s not really an issue because I see how much he is stepping up and committed to the relationship.

    I believe that when I am truly ready, the larger commitments will happen.

    There is no rush. Everything is happening at the perfect pace. I’m exactly where I need to be right now.

    I never ever doubt his love but sometimes I wonder if he is truly the right man for me. I wonder if we are truly compatible enough? Will I eventually get bored?

    This is new for me to face my own fears of commitment.

    Before I was so focused on chasing men who clearly didn’t want me. I didn’t have to face my own issues.

    The uncertainty feels scary. What if I grow faster then him? What if I want to do different things when we get older? What if he wants to live in the mountains and me in the jungle?

  306.  #306Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    I feel so much uncertainty within myself, so of course on some energetic level he is going to feel that and hold back from asking for more.

    And the thing is, I can also see things working out for us. I don’t think this is about him and if he is just right for me, I think it’s more about me feeling confident and connected to myself and clear on my vision.

    And I am learning so much from being in relationship with him because my fear of intimacy is being challenged. I have never had someone treat me so well and seem like such a good match. It actually feels uncomfortable.

    Maybe I am reaching my bliss threshold!

    Haha mirrors

  307.  #307Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Starla 300

    Making perfect sense to me.

    I hope I didn’t overwhelm you by taking so much about myself. I feel insecure. :-/

    awww love to me

    I felt sensitive to you and the puking because I’m bumping against my bliss threshold as well.

    I say we raise those glass ceilings. How do you feel about that?

  308.  #308Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Way behind on the blog yet again!!

    #5 Jilly

    How was my beautiful Oahu? I sooo want to go back to that place once again, I will put that on my vision board, one day………..

  309.  #309Starla on January 27, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    LG I feel resistant to raising the ceiling but i think it’s a great idea, so i shall join you anyway:):)

    oooh resistance.

    be gone resistance. i don’t need resistance. bye bye resistance

    thanks LG, more bliss is coming for us!

  310.  #310Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 7:45 pm


    ok…so I have a roomie situation that is so petty but I want to get a little feedback….

    k so almost every night I come home my roomie and her boyfriend are plopped in front of the tv with the gas fire place on…and I think those fire places are expensive…I don’t want to pay for her and her boyfriend to sit in front of the fire place… 🙁 the bill was $40 more this month…

    any suggestions?? I already asked her if she thought it was from the fire place and she said no…

  311.  #311Lush_Oasis on January 27, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Random quote from a book I’m reading.

    “Then it dawns on me: I don’t want submission; I want loyalty. But to get their loyalty, I have to gain their trust, and I don’t gain their trust, because I’m always flying off the handle and losing control” (p. 136).

    In context, this was written by a soldier serving in Iraq during one of his tours of duty and how to get the Iraqi soldiers assigned to his regiment to understand his “orders”, etc.

    The statement resonated with me as far as my desires to feel honor and loyalty when in a committed relationship, which builds to having trust and faith in my partner. 🙂

    So … anyway — just food for thought 😀 {{ }}

  312.  #312FlowerChild77 on January 27, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    SLV…Did I say something wrong? I only ask because you posted to me and then the next post you wrote you said you were triggered.

    If it did have something to do with me, I’m sorry. (And if it didn’t–just ignore this.)

  313.  #313Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    Silver moonbeam…awww thank you for asking…it felt amazing and refreshing 🙂 yes..put it on your dreamboard 🙂

    now I feel like a brat lol mentioning my roomie when I just went to paradise…

    silver moonbeam…how are you?

  314.  #314Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Starla and LG…please don’t hold back on the barfy pukey stories 🙂

  315.  #315Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    @290: FlowerChild77

    I was knocked for a loop by your posts. Too aggressive for me. Wow!

    Anyway, I think Dr. Oz will be my guru too now… with others; I always like a group.

    I checked out all the books from library a couple of years ago. The last one around mid-2010 but was in not good health then for few months so put aside.

    Second reason his and Roizen’s health plans in all of the books were way too much for me. I need smaller steps. His shows are like that too. He covers a lot, a little too much for me to keep up. Probably better for your level of aggression.

    But I really like Oz and I’m following along at a pace for me. I always tweak and customize things to suit me, everything.

    Low signal so can’t follow along too well with the posts.

  316.  #316Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    #142 SLV

    I remember Dr Oz from when he used to appear on Oprah, one time talking about the perfect sized poop LOL!!

  317.  #317Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    p.s. yes chucking these little tiddlers all back into the sea lol!

  318.  #318Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    #146 FW

    Do you actually reply or just ignore?

    See before Rori I was always ever so polite and replied to everybody like the nice girl I was/am and of course pre Rori I thought there were a limited amount of men, now of course I understand they are like a river 🙂 So in practise do you reply to every single contact from POF or do you treat each on their own merit? As if in they say something you don’t like or agree with you ignore or reply?

  319.  #319Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:21 pm


    RE: #235 – Thanks for thinking of me! The job interview went well. They will make a decision in about two weeks. I don’t feel thrilled. I am beyond burned out on pharmaceutical documents. I want to do what my passion is: inner healing, relationships, that sort of thing.

  320.  #320Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Feeling sentimental and a lil sad after watching “Pretty Woman” with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. I love that movie.

    Vivian establishes self esteem through her relationship with Ed. She goes from being a hooker to wanting the whole package: a respectful relationship. He offers for her to be a kept woman: a condo, money, clothes, and she turns it down. She walks away and goes home.

    He misses her and he comes and finds her.

    That’s the part that’s hard for me: walking away, and waiting, trusting, that he will miss me and come and find me.

    It’s been two days since I contacted Ryan. I am feeling on edge. I want him to text, badly. I miss him. I am trying to focus on being the warm, soft, open, sandy beach. I am thinking about letting him have time to miss me, making space for him in the relationship bubble.

    It is so hard, because I want to be with him every day, for the rest of my life.

  321.  #321Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Team Bliss Threshold Raisers?!?!

    I dunno, it doesn’t really flow of the tongue 🙂

  322.  #322Daria on January 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    when men ask Me for sex or ask me if im gonna give them sex…

    i feel so triggered! all my insecurities

    it felt challenged to keep remembering I am a Goddess that HE’s giving to…

    not a woman who owes him something

  323.  #323Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Team bliss block blasters

  324.  #324Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    I’m a very emotional creature. I am not cut out for intellectual garbage that wastes my life. I want to do my passion. I want to emote.

    I care about me. I want me to feel fulfilled. I don’t want to deny me what I want and need. I feel like curling up in a ball and cuddling. But I have no one to cuddle with, just a couple of precious, stinky dogs, and I love them like children. But I want Ryan.

  325.  #325Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Team let more pleasure in

    team letting love in

  326.  #326Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm


    I’ll join those teams! And here’s the mantra:

    Treasure Pleasure!

  327.  #327Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    While I was dating myself tonight, my phone was on silence. When I looked at it, I had a missed call from E! Wow?! I don’t have a voice mail and he didn’t left any text either. I feel curious… But I don’t want to call him back since he didn’t ask me too. I feel confident enough that he will call me soon enough…

    Plus LaughingCD AND DjCD who talked to me on Facebook. Wow. That’s a big day compare to the last week!

    Oh and LaughingCD is chatting with me again. Just saying bla bla bla wutyoudoin? bla bla…

    I answered, but I don’t feel like going further. Not tonight. I don’t feel very impressed by LaughingCD after last date. If he wants me, he should invite me so I can change my mind about him. I won’t just by his bla bla.

  328.  #328Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Here’s Brenda watching TV:

    Violent scenes = turn the volume down

    Romantic scenes = turn the volume up and drop everything

    I love my romantic side. I want to develop and express that central part of me.

  329.  #329Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    I feel incredibly better than this morning and from the last days.

    I hope that my leaning forward with P was not just a quick fix and that I have definitely found my sireny me again… I don’t want to go back to this state of pre-Rori-craziness where I’ve been all week.

    For now I feel good, and I will do everything possible to keep feeling good and taking care of myself and loving myself. Tomorrow I will start iver my marathon teainning (slowed down since a week…), spend some time with my little mom, clean the house and read my lovely book. 🙂

  330.  #330Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Ladies did I ever tell you I love George Michael, talk about the ultimate unavailable man, LOL!!

  331.  #331Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:39 pm


    RE: #319 – I like zero pressure. I like it when a man does NOT ask for sex. I like it when a man is so sensitive to me that he doesn’t need to ask. He knows I don’t want to. He lets it develop organically.

    I like it when he makes out with me on the sofa, and he senses my desire or lack thereof, and responds accordingly, respecting my boundaries.

    I don’t like to need to push a man away. I like a man who lets it develop so slowly that I want to reach for him, and I feel totally open to his advances without him asking…and he knows it.

  332.  #332Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    Team Pleasure Treasure

    I like that!

  333.  #333Lizka on January 27, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    Oh. Will color my hair tomorrow too. And maybe put some nailpolish. And do my budget to see what I can offer myself on my next paid day.

    I’m off to a long long beautysleep.

    Sweet dreams sirens!! 🙂

  334.  #334Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    #310 Jilly

    Well I am sitting here listening to George Michael on my headphones dreaming of LD and my last visit to Hawaii with him………….oh yes this man is/was the Love Of My Life (Brenda??) and there is no escape from how I still feel about him but hey he is not here so he is just an imaginary lover right???

  335.  #335Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #327 – When I first found out that George Michael was gay, my jaw dropped! My first reaction was, “What a WASTE of a handsome, gorgeous hunk!!”

  336.  #336Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm


    Maybe reminding yourself that learning back will actually bring you closer to the love and romance you want, with Ryan or someone ever better, will bring a sense of peace.

    And also, congratulating yourself for breaking a self-defeating pattern for a little bit, even two days is a victory.

  337.  #337tenny on January 27, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    been leaning forward all week. a very masculine energy week. But when CD song calls, I relax and lean back. It feels good

  338.  #338Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:49 pm


    That quote is profound! I had to reread almost every sentence and know that I still don’t fully comprehend it. I know it carries some truth. Part of it scares me, like a psychologically twisted person could abuse the concept to inflict such psychological pain on another person to facilitate deep change in them. The implications are not beautiful.

    I suppose the thought you imply behind it in relation to CDing is if a man feels on the verge of losing me, he will press himself beyond his comfort zone to not lose me.

    Gosh, I wish I had the strength to push Ryan to wonder if I was walking away, as he is doing to me. I hate it that it is so counterintuitive. Everything in me wants to flood him with love and softness. I would die for him.

  339.  #339Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm


    RE: #333 – Right on, thank you. Sure is hard.

    I almost went to a meetup dot com singles gathering tonight at Cheesecake Factory. But after the interview and grocery shopping, I was just too wiped out. Maybe I’ll catch the next one.

    The weekly fellowship dinner was tonight, a block from Ryan’s house. I normally never miss. I intentionally missed tonight. I don’t know if he went or not. I watched TV and treasured pleasure instead.

  340.  #340Zara on January 27, 2012 at 8:52 pm


    Wounded since a lost day which she does not even remember any more.


    Wounded like a pigeon who limps and goes in circle over the asphalt

    Wounded like a past that pursues her like the night pursues the day.

    Wounded in her swollen heart that she will drive like a heavy truck all her life

    Wounded by a Daddy so dry that the desert seems wet

    Wounded by the old fingers of an ugly chav whom her mother did not even leave.

    Wounded by one of these victim predators who ripped her petticoat off her.

    Wounded within her most intimate desires that got wrung like old rags.

    Wounded by so often falling at the bottom of her life in construction.

    Wounded but always ready to get back up and to lift her chin back up.

    Wounded doubtlessly to life, to death, wounded yes but not dead yet.

    Wounded but determined to live better this fu*c*king life that resents her.

    Wounded in the hollow of her story torn to shreds, but with hope in one whole piece.


    In a hurry to see the war end

    Wounded with her arm up

    In a hurry to wave her small grey flag, the one stained by time.

    Wounded by a Daddy so old that he won’t have time to love better.

    Wounded by a Mummy not quite mature who is kin with the wound.

    Wounded and ready to protect all the other wounded like her

    Wounded but convinced that a day will come when pain will fade

    Wounded like so many persons on the planet distressed by all, stopped by nothing.

    Wounded but she is the strongest of all and her heavy heart holds the road pretty well.

  341.  #341Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Romance is my middle name.

  342.  #342Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    ok..i’m venting…one more thing…

    so I buy organic yummy coffee half n half…when I got back from my trip it was all gone because my roomie’s boyfriend decided that he likes it in his coffee…so I had to go get some at 930 PM…and now he’s staying the night again…

    I don’t want him using my stuff ;( grrrr…I am feeling super irritated right now

  343.  #343Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    And I am crying now listening to Jesus To A Child – You Will Always Be My Love

  344.  #344Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    do I hide it in the fridge? my empty container that he used is still on the counter

  345.  #345Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    #332 Bren

    OMG me too!! I couldn’t believe it either LOL!! xxx

  346.  #346Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    I feel bitchy “DONT USE MY STUFF” and “I don’t want to see you every day on the couch so that I have to go into my bedroom!!”

    I want my own place…soon….

  347.  #347tenny on January 27, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    # 307
    Compare this bill to the bill the month or so before the the heavy fireplace use.

  348.  #348Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    My latest post has gone into moderation probably because I said J*sus……(George Michael song)

    Sorry ladies I know you all think I am a nutcase with my imaginary lover who lives in another country but I can’t help it, unfortunately for me I am one of those people who don’t fall often but when I do OMG I fall hard. 🙁

  349.  #349tenny on January 27, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    Put a few drops in the old container and tape down the new one. He’ll get the hint. Maybe better to just ask him not to use it, but sometimes passive-aggressive is an approach.

    Forgive me, I’m still in my masculine energy.

  350.  #350Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    @314: Silver Moonbeam

    Yes, Oz still talks about poop. He has his own show with a lot about whole foods, getting healthy, women’s health, increasing energy, lowering cholesterols, eliminating belly fat, that kind of thing. Also a lot of anti-aging skin info. And weight loss. Now I know not to drink orange juice from Brazil imported into U.S. etc

    Cadavers on every show… at least the “pieces parts” as we say at home…. Today a prolapsed uterus.

    I haven’t signed up for the “Transformation Nation” program on his website because I’m pretty sure I won’t be following Weight Watchers but I might go for the free weigh-in just for the helluvit. maybe Feb 1st.

  351.  #351Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    I just saw this story posted on FB and I love it.

    A man is sitting on his porch as flood waters rise. A woman floats by in a boat, asking if the man needs help. “No, thank you,” says the man, “I’m trusting in the Lord.” The waters rise higher, sending the man upstairs. A raft full of people floats by his second story window. “Get in,” they say, “there’s plenty of room.” “No thanks,” says the man, “I’m trusting in the Lord.” The flood waters keep rising, pushing the man up to the roof. A helicopter swoops in, lowering its ladder for the man. “Thanks anyway,” shouts the man, “I’m trusting in the Lord.” Finally, the man is swept away in the torrent and drowns. At the gates of Heaven, the man asks God, “Why didn’t you save me?” “What do you mean?” replies God, “I sent two boats and a helicopter.”

  352.  #352Silver Moonbeam on January 27, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    And I am crying now listening to J*sus To A Child – You LD Will Always Be My Love

  353.  #353Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Jilly, Do you think labeling your personal items would help?

  354.  #354Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Maybe something like…

    Hey roomie and boyfriend, I feel open to sharing food items occasionally, if you are out of a certain item or something like that.

    I feel better though when I know what to expect when I open the fridge. I love y’all and yet, I notice I feel a little frustrated when I open the fridge expecting something to be there and it’s gone.

    I don’t want to let little things like this get to me so I thought it would be helpful to discuss our boundaries and preferences around sharing things.

    Do you have any specific preferences that you would like to share with me regarding that?

    I want to for our living situation to be smooth and positive for all of us so I feel open to hearing your needs/desires as well.

  355.  #355Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Maybe we can come up with a system for marking our food so everything flows easier. That way it will be really clear what we feel comfortable sharing.

  356.  #356Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 9:21 pm


    For roommate issues, I think open, deep truth is the best approach. I would find a time when she can talk and ask if she is willing to discuss your situation.

    Then use feeling messages: I feel upset about the high electric bill, and I feel sure that it is from the heavy fireplace use. I want you and your man to enjoy it; I know it’s so romantic! Yet I feel bad about being expected to pay half the electric bill when it has increased.

    From now on, I would feel more comfortable if you kept your things on the left side of the refrigerator and I kept my things on the right. What do you think? If she agrees, you could ask, “Would it be a good idea if I label mine with my initial until your man gets the idea? I really like to reach in the frig and have my things there when I pay for them with my hard earned money.

    I had to go thru some tough boundary setting with housemates in the past. I lived with three other women. They were all about thriftiness. They each spent literally $20 a month for groceries. They had a garden and pooled their money to go to BJ’s or Sam’s Club and get bulk everything, pasta everything, all cheap foods.

    At the time, I was doing heavy duty fruits and vegetables, spending typically $70-80 for my food alone. I would come home and make a huge fruit salad, which would be my breakfast and lunch for several days.

    Naturally, they saw a big bowl of fruit salad and wanted some. I felt uncomfortable, but I offered for them to pay a share of my grocery bill and I would share it with them. I said I pay $70-80 a WEEK for groceries, and I simply can’t afford to share my fruit with everyone. If we all paid more, we could all afford stuff like that.

    They didn’t like it that I expected them to pay more, and they thought I was selfish for not sharing. Oh well. Gotta do what you gotta do. Fruits and vegetables are expensive. And you have to eat more of them to get full. Carbs fill you easily. With fruit and vegetables, you feel hungry every 2-3 hours.

  357.  #357Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Brenda 336

    Oh, fun! I am actually making a concerted effort to get out an cd too. I’ve been a bit of a home body lately, really haven’t gotten out much at all.

    In the past few days, I have done a few things out with friends without sweetie and I have a few more things planned.

    I feel amazed by how quickly he has responded. I wonder if he feels competitive seeing me go and do things without him. He has definitely seemed more inspired to please me.

    And I feel happy getting out there. I’m finding something really healing about doing things without him. It gives us something new to talk about when we are together.

  358.  #358Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    I had way too many dates. The fruit kind.

  359.  #359sunshine on January 27, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    i cried some today and i felt better/relaxed but also tired…i hope my spirits go up im just feeling dissapointed i let such a fantasy relationship last so long and draaaaagggg. i hope to get over it and move forward it feels challenging in my strongest efforts i sometimes doubt myself may i be more assertive and stick to my guns!

  360.  #360Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    Tenny…OMG…that is hilarious lol…I think I will do that lol…and yes I’ve kept track of the utilities from the last year and they have never been that high even last winter…$40 more…is that bratty??…I know it’s from the fireplace because it’s the gas bill…but she denied it…cause she knows how I feel about it…weird…I don’t like this feeling…

    silver moonbeam..(((((HUGS)))))…awww…I know how it feels when we love someone who isn’t “there”

    LG…thank you…that feels really good to read…I feel petty 🙁

    I know my focusing on it is not helping….

  361.  #361Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    (((Silver Moonbeam))),

    RE; #347 – I know the pain of unrequited love.

  362.  #362Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    Brenda…yes thank you!!

    k we already split everything and do our “own” thing because I am like you and spend more money on food…

    the scenario is…I came home my empty container on the counter…I asked if she liked it and she said it was for her boyfriend…and that it’s there to remind her to get more.. (we’ll see) I don’t mind an occasional “oh I used such and such” but when I have to go get more and he still uses it…NOT ok…

    so she’s giving it to him…and I had to go get more last night when I got home…he doesn’t go into the fridge…she’s catering to him with my stuff …

    ok I will probably feel better about this in the morning..right now it feels irritating…

  363.  #363Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 9:35 pm


    RE: #353 – LOL! Were you CDing the dates? You’re gonna get diarrhea! LOL! 😆

  364.  #364Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 9:37 pm


    RE: #357 – Irritating with reason. Not cool. Set and hold boundaries. You are equipped with feeling messages to do this in a tactful, kind way.

  365.  #365Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Brenda…thanks 🙂

    yes…I think this is just coming to a “needed” conversation…

    her boyfriend has been staying about 4 nights a weeks basically living there and taking showers…and honestly I just don’t want to be paying for him

  366.  #366Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Wondering if FC was talking about a FW post and thinks it’s mine…. again. It’s a little Rori conspiracy theory. But I didn’t see one this time.

    But also one of my posts disappeared. It was kind of funny but I don’t feel up to repeating it. I was using my sense of humour to recover. It takes me four minutes so that time frame is over. But twas funny.

  367.  #367Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    I would love to have a “set” utility payment so that I don’t care when she turns the heat up and the air conditioning up…YES…this would feel great!

  368.  #368Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    SLV…dates sound yummy…so sweet and kinda gooey 🙂

  369.  #369tenny on January 27, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Tonight I just stopped and felt the feelings swirling around me, in me, and it was sooooo peaceful! SO many feelings going on they are all so beautiful. Do you know how far I’ve come to live this life this very night? It’s been a lifetime. Wow. I love this. Rori is on to something

  370.  #370Senior Lady Vibe on January 27, 2012 at 10:09 pm


    The dates were tasty but I made the mistake of nibbling them while watching TV. A no-no. I hope I don’t have stomach upset. I’m putting that politely.

  371.  #371Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 10:12 pm


    You may have made an explosive mistake. Never CD a date! You just can’t date more than 3-5 Dates at a time! LOL!

  372.  #372Brenda on January 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm


    Did you save some dates for Sweetie?

  373.  #373Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    Oooo Jilly, I feel sad that your nv’s are saying you’re petty. I didn’t intend to trigger that.

    I like to practice fm’s on other people’s situations sometimes because I don’t have an emotional charge influencing me.

    I find it much more challenging to speak think and speak that way when I am the one feeling triggered.

    Sorry your roommate is catering to him with your stuff. 🙁 I can imagine how frustrating that must be.

    She must be high on oxytocin and not thinking straight 😉

  374.  #374Butterfly Wings on January 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    I don’t wanna be in your house right now SLV…. just in case…! 😉

  375.  #375Butterfly Wings on January 27, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    TH and I are all good again. Yay! I was still feeling “rawr” so I decided to go take a nap while listening to the rain, which was very soothing and relaxing!

    He woke me up a couple of hours later and it was like nothing had happened. Phew! I just needed to cool off I think. And I’m glad I didn’t get all upset with him like I might have in the past.

    So now I’m sitting here wondering if he’ll agree to get takeaway for dinner tonight because I’m craving chicken and chips! 🙂

  376.  #376Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    I’m noticing that as I practice fm’s on here, I am slowly getting better at remembering them in awkward, confrontational moments….

    I can manage to slip one fm in here and there amongst the blame, anger, self-righteousness and all of that.

    I’d like to get better at it. I guess I just have to trust that practice and time will bring me closer and closer to having the level of clarity and awareness that I would like.

    Yes, baby steps. I can feel happy about that.

  377.  #377Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    I just learned about the three levels of permission that people give, intentionally or not, about what kind of feedback they are wanting.

    I know that has been a question here…

    whether not to give advice or just encouragement
    when to be in boy hat
    that kind of thing

    And I was thinking that it might be helpful for us to have a system to communicate what we are needing in that moment.

    Apparently there are three levels of what kind of feedback a person is wanting

    1. casual/social:

    when someone is complaining about work or something. In many cultures, the rule of social etiquette is that you listen to people vent and you offer empathy, sympathy, and acceptance and then switch and the other person tells their story and receives the same. This is huge human instinct.

    Ask yourself, do that want to hear my advice or are they just wanting support?

    2. Giving perspective

    Person is asking for feedback or advice but not agreeing to do anything.

    3. Advisor
    The person is asking ”what do you think I should do?” There is permission for actual advice giving.

    I feel curious to hear what sirens think about this level of permission giving.

    We could even communicate to others, “I am just really looking for support right now” or state specifically “I feel open to receiving advice”.

  378.  #378Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    I feel intrigued learning about this. I mean, it’s kind of obvious on a common sense level but at the same time, it feels eye-opening to me to see it systematically like that.

    I notice that I am not always aware of what level of permission people are giving me, especially on the blog here.

    I feel very excited to be learning something new!

  379.  #379sensual on January 27, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    @ 99 Faith, the other sirens may not agree, but if it were me I would wait until a significant day like his birthday and contacting him on that day wouldn’t feel so leaning forward to me. Or perhaps you could “run into him” somewhere…. I know this is against the rules, but 9 months is a long time. (((hugs)))

    It’s FWB’s birthday next week and I plan to text him, I would feel rude not to reach forward on that day.

  380.  #380Laughing Goddess on January 27, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Jilly: Sorry for not recognizing that you were really needing support. And that you didn’t really give me permission to give you advice. I’m learning. 🙂

    Sorry to you too, Brenda, and anyone else to whom I may have done that.

  381.  #381Starla on January 27, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    Wow jilly, i guess it’s roomie problem night on siren island

    at least yours pays:P

    i don’t want mine to pay. i want her to hoard her money and gtfo 😀

    But she actually has quite a bit in the bank. i feel curious why she hasn’t offered me any money.

    maybe when she gets a regular job she will write me a check

    or maybe i will stay with her when she moves back to mexico

    there’s so many possibilities for “payment”

    oh and i noticed she tries to do the dishes for me.

    that feels really nice but she s*cks at doing the dishes lol they’re still kind of dirty

    it feels nice though

    and if i were much of a drinker, i could help myself to her beer.

    and i sm0ked all her pot when she went out of town

    okay…things are starting to feel a little less doormatty for me now.

    i just needed a little perspective.

    i love her. i can’t wait to have this apartment to myself again:D

  382.  #382Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    LG…no…don’t be sorry…I was asking for advice and “what to do”…it all helps…

    I’ve talked to my roomie about Rori and feeling messages and she is tooooo boy energy for that…if I used a feeling message with her she would freak out I think lol anytime she asks for advice I give a FM for her to use and she just rolls her eyes 🙂

  383.  #383Starla on January 27, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    LG, you are on a *roll*. you’ve got amazing perspective tonight for other people’s situations, and then the perspective to turn inward and ask “what’s this all about?”

    you rock, lg!

  384.  #384Jilly on January 27, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    Starla…lol…yes it helps just to vent…and get a different perspective…or laugh about it (tenny made me laugh earlier) I’m hiding my creamer in the morning lol

    yes at least she pays and it really does save me a lot of money 🙂

    that is really nice of you to offer your place like that! 🙂

  385.  #385Starla on January 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    thanks Jilly, she’s had a tragic year through no fault of her own. She just needs a nice comfortable place to land right now. She was in Mexico reporting on the drug war and it turned crazy. She works really hard and I have no doubt she will be out of here ASAP.

    And then it’s new sofa time! and this is going to be the goddess (singular, not plural!) den:)

  386.  #386Starla on January 27, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    what drives me crazy about my roomie is that she deliberately keeps the heat off and avoids taking many showers to keep my utilities down, but that is so insignificant to me. I would MUCH rather she make herself warm and relaxed and comfortable than eat my mashed potatoes, lol. i would much rather she burn up my heat bill than spill stuff on the rug.

    ah well.

  387.  #387Starla on January 27, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    i feel a little exposed. i just used ‘feel’ in every single sentence responding to a CD’s date request.

    what if he notices i’m a feeling freak?

    i’ve been using feeling messages for over 3 years and I still have these moments, hehe, cute!!

  388.  #388Daria on January 28, 2012 at 1:23 am

    omg! this tapping is amazign

    i realized while out in san francisco that wehn i look at people and feel alienated its cuz i thin kthat i

    dont have SELF WORTH

    when my self worth is high i feel engaged happy and open like a child

    like when i was a child


    so i practiced self worth

    and realized that worth = worthy!!

    = deserving!

    when i have high worth in my eyes i DESERVE and it feels easy

    to receive

  389.  #389Daria on January 28, 2012 at 1:32 am

    oh man . i finally got that pain in my shoulder

    it was a nerve!

    CD rasta man taught me about nerves and i FELT them and now im aware of it

    and i GRABBED my nerve while out in union square in san francisco smoking weed watching the dancing rollerbladers

    i felt very – im doing what the tourists would love to be doing – posh

    andi felt like i had self worth

    i was reminding myself

    im healing WAY hard core my relationship with me

    oh and my OTHER girl heard i was messing with her man and had been crying for a week

    its so not true


    im glad i was able to talk to her

    its like a mini version of my sister

    its all healing


    i love this transformational huge healing

    and it still feels scary

    and thats ok

    what if it could b eeasy

    what if it could feel fulfilling even while being easy?

    what if it being easy felt fuilfliiling?

    i want to try that

    and if i dont like it

    i can alsways go back to the old way

    i can try it

    but i dont ahve to

    i can try it

    buti dont have to
    i have freedom

    rocking back and forth

    this is effortless

  390.  #390Daria on January 28, 2012 at 1:55 am

    sometimes im like i dont have self worth cuz other people could overpower me

    they are stronger than me, so that means I dont have self worth

    and thats not true

  391.  #391Daria on January 28, 2012 at 1:56 am

    if they can push me on the street, then they get self worth and i dont i lose some

    they win

    punk me

    i lose

    i have lower self worth


  392.  #392Daria on January 28, 2012 at 2:36 am

    ‘you have to be capable of protecting yourself or defending yourself in ortder to be treated well…

    and in order to even deserve being treated well…

    toherewise youre wowrthless, disgusting, weak, floppy blobby, spineless, puddle, that nobody likes and everyone abuses and abandons and treats badly”


  393.  #393Daria on January 28, 2012 at 2:42 am

    i Desrve all the stuff i thought was only reserved ofr cool people

    i Deserve super high self worth, beign invited to parties, beign seen, loved, the excirtement, ltos of flirting, lots of attention, feeling alive


    i deserve it NOw

    withotuh ahaving to cahnge or ben or do anthother thing

    id serve it

    i gave myself permission to

    feel se xciting!

  394.  #394Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 2:48 am

    91 Light Heart

    I like that post of yours very much. It feels free and easy light and breezy like it doesn’t matter if we do it “wrong” in the old way sometimes, at least with what we know now we will never do it “wrong” as badly or as often as we did pre RR.

    Thank you

  395.  #395Daria on January 28, 2012 at 2:50 am

    times feel exciting now cuz i keep seing myself do new behaviors that feel good and it feels exciting!!

  396.  #396Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 3:11 am

    I have re-read this post at least 5 times and I really don’t get it.

    Can somebody please translate it for me?

    Thank you.

  397.  #397Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 3:15 am

    Physical man gets into an uncomfortable place when he concludes, “I and those like me have come to the right decisions, and everybody that’s living outside of these right decisions is wrong.” And then he spends his life pushing against all those “wrong” decisions and cutting himself off from the Life Force that would help him have joy in his, what he concludes to be, right decisions. There is no one right path. There are endless paths, and the differences in the paths are what make them more and more, and more, perfect. The same old path no longer serves.


  398.  #398Brenda on January 28, 2012 at 3:34 am


    RE: #372 – I don’t feel sure what is the best way to handle it. For me, I try to think of others’ posts as I would regard the words of my man, if it were him saying or asking something. And I try to use it for practice. And I try to keep my responses in terms of “I would say such and such”, even when I am addressing their needs. Then I am, in effect, giving advice, but still stating it in terms of what I would do if I were in their situation.

    When I am posting on here, I don’t always ask for feedback and advice when I want it, because I feel weird doing that. There are many, many areas where I don’t know how other people think or feel, because of my huge social lacks in the past. Sometimes I just throw stuff out there and let people respond freely as they will or not at all. I learn a lot just by how people respond to what I say.

    Sometimes I learn and/or am corrected in areas where you all don’t even know you are teaching me. I kind of like the free form of this blog, and I appreciate Rori’s understanding and openness to allow us to stretch and grow in baby steps.

    All I know is I have learned vast amounts of knowledge and wisdom on all levels from you all, and I quote this blog in my every day life, probably on a daily basis!

    I love you all!

  399.  #399Brenda on January 28, 2012 at 3:40 am


    RE: #377 – “I’ve talked to my roomie about Rori and feeling messages and she is tooooo boy energy for that…if I used a feeling message with her she would freak out I think lol anytime she asks for advice I give a FM for her to use and she just rolls her eyes :)”

    I told a friend about Rori over a year ago, and she seemed closed. Recently, this same friend has been having major emotional healing and breakthroughs in her relationships. She told me that it all started when I told her about Rori and feeling messages!

    So maybe you just got something started. “The flap of a butterfly’s wings can start a tsunami!”

  400.  #400Brenda on January 28, 2012 at 3:47 am


    RE: #375 – I am like you, I like to practice feeling messages on the blog by addressing other people’s situations, when I am not feeling emotionally charged.

    Even tho I don’t always show it, I really appreciate your openness to communication. You have helped me many times, and I feel open to your feedback, even tho I may not always agree.

    Love, Brenda

  401.  #401Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 3:50 am

    #293 SLV

    Now I feel sad as I sometimes try to be nice. 🙁

  402.  #402Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 4:01 am

    #354 SLV


  403.  #403Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 4:05 am

    Thanks Jilly and Brenda

    Too much red wine PLUS listening to romantic George Michael songs on my brilliant new headphones EQUALS a lot of stuff coming up for me that is stuffed down inside my heart which inevitable ends in me crying.

    LD is circling Siren Island again but is sooooo slow but I am still leaning back………….

  404.  #404Brenda on January 28, 2012 at 4:19 am

    (((Silver Moonbeam))),

    Let it out…we are here for you…

    Love, Brenda

  405.  #405Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 4:38 am

    Thanks Brenda

    Well it was Jilly back from Hawaii, and you know the way one thought leads to another and next thing you know you are back there with the man you still love………..I can’t help who I love I just can’t and maybe it IS because he is unavailable but I don’t think so and I know he loves me still as he told me a few months ago…………..but………..maybe he just loves me now like a friend or his sister or his mum or something what with all my overfunctioning and I just remembered when we were in Hawaii and we were going for a walk and it was pretty hot and I said to him don’t forget your hat and he laughed and said you’re not my mom and I apologised lol!!

    It’s exactly like the Australia vs UK thing I have going on EXACTLY.

    Some people can’t or don’t understand why I wanted to return to live here after all those years in Australia but it was all about the way I FEEL living here vs living there.

    I can’t help the way I FEEL.

    How much easier would my life be if I could FEEL the way about Australia as I do about the UK?

    I would be soooo much better off financially as I have spent all of my savings and more flitting back and forth and of course I would be living where my kids live but I was sooo miserable living there.

    None of us can help how we FEEL, none of us.

    Now I will probably get loads of feedback saying CD other men, get over him, he’s never going to come there, move on, give it up, get over him whatever……….but it still doesn’t alter my feelings deep inside though superficially and to the rest of the world I am OK.

  406.  #406Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 4:41 am

    Oh and I fully understand that actions are far more important than the words, so yes he may still love me but……………..

  407.  #407Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Oh and I have been practising FM’s on the online CD’s and it’s been quite fun but still don’t know if I should reply to the 2 not so nice messages I received and have posted?

    Do you all reply to every single messages you receive even the ones you don’t like?

    Do you practise saying I DO NOT LIKE or whatever it is you are supposed to do?

    Sometimes I don’t think/feel I will ever get this RR stuff, maybe it’s harder as you get older as your patterns are more ingrained?

    I look at some of you Sirens and am in awe of how quickly you “get” it, I have been on this site now for???? 18 months maybe ????

    I cannot even make head nor tail of Rori’s post above????

  408.  #408Brenda on January 28, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #400 – I know what you mean. I am totally in love with Ryan. To me, he is far above any other man I ever met. Is LD still single? I wish you the best!

  409.  #409Ella on January 28, 2012 at 5:00 am



    So I am a total mix of emotions right now.

    I have not read the blog yet so am just gonna go ‘blah’ first and get it all out and then maybe ready back up the blog after that.

    I am feeling a bit disconnected from myself.

    I went to a friend’s birthday party at the pub where I work last night.

    I was having a great time, being a Siren and chatting to people I knew and it was feeling good. I didn’t even think about MWC for most of the night.

    Although I did expect that all the kitchen staff would come across to the party later on.

    When it became late and they didn’t suddenly I had the urge to go and find MWC…

    Leaning forward… I know.

    I went across with one of my friends to the main pub and bumped straight into him.

    I wanted him to come across to the party but he said he didn’t want to. He said he was trying to ‘be good’.

    He had said that he was stopping drinking (his choice).

    Anyway I went into the other bar to see the kitchen staff and there was a girl there who he was with the other night when he disappeared for the night and then lied to me about a load of stuff.

    I know cus she wrote all over his Facebook.

    AND he was drinking with them, there was his empty pint glass.

    I expect you are all cringing behind your hands and saying ‘Ella, why are you wasting your time with this guy!’

    I know, me too.

    But bear with me cus I am actually still babystepping, even if I am slightly off track right now.

    I know this because this feels like a do-over from Mr Barman nearly a year ago, who had addiction issues too.

    And although I have not managed to just walk away cold turkey, the whole situation feels less intense this time round, and I feel less tied in emotionally.

    Although obviously not detached enough just to turn away completely yet.

    But the other thing here is I am trusting ME… not him.

    So when he tells me stuff, I am just touching in with my feelings, rather than listening to his words.

    And, I am aware about how I am choosing pain here. How I keep bringing this situation to me because of my subconscious patterns.

    And I am seeing my behaviour go slightly (or maybe a lot) junky-fied, as I am engaging with this man.

    And I am noticing that, yes, it does feel familiar, and yes it does feel intense.

    And, on some level I just don’t really like it anymore.

    It doesn’t feel good.

    Now I am not saying there is nothing about this guy that feels good. Apart from the lies and addiction stuff there is loads of stuff that does feel good.

    And I am aware of how ridiculous that sounds, and also how the good stuff is just one element, and what I want is all that in a man without the other major negatives we have here.

    And the other day, I just kinda felt bored, and like I had had enough, I almost felt ready to just move away from the situation.

    But the other thing here is… When I woke up this morning feeling crappy I realised, I just don’t want this anymore.

    And I am willing to undergo some discomfort to change it.

    So I am CD-ing this other guy… and so far he seems normal. I think he is a nice guy.

    And there is very little, if any, attraction on my part, but when I woke up feeling crappy this morning I decided. I am going to give him a chance too.

    Level the playing field as Rori says.

    So even though I am afraid it will be dull I have agreed to let him take me out for dinner.

    And I am still CD-ing others too.

    Plus I am going to stay very aware in this situation with MWC and see if I can’ babystep gradually away.

    Plus, I see the ‘benefits’ that Rori talks about in Toxic Men that I get from this situation.

    It means I get to be the good one.

    I hate the feeling of being messed up… and with other guys I have often felt like a wrong-un…

    So with these toxic guys I never get that. Cus they are so ‘bad’.

    And, I get such a distraction that I never have to focus on my feelings of emptiness, anger, frustration, sadness or depression.

    I get a distraction of drama’s and things for my boy to ‘figure’ out and work on. And I don’t have to look at my own drinking habits cus they are no way as bad as his!

    But… it pushes me into my boy energy, which just feels draining to me.

    The whole thing has tipped to feeling draining instead of topping me up.

    And I don’t think I want that anymore.

    Oh, plus I am picking a man who is not quite putting me first… and who I can try and ‘fix’ so these too feed very much into my childhood patterns cus of my Dad being sick etc…

    So, there we go.

    Even though I realise I am not there yet I still feel reasonably ok, although not brilliant, that I am still babystepping in the right direction.

    I hope so anyway.

    I want to take care of me.

  410.  #410Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 5:01 am

    I want LD to step up, to send me a message telling me he will love me for ever and wants to marry me and he will be on the next plane with my ring. 😀

    Or maybe it is more like that post by LG about how of course he wants me still in his life albeit on the other end of a computer and why wouldn’t he, because I am a “nice” good person…….and it probably feeds his ego too.

  411.  #411Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 5:02 am

    #404 Brenda

    Yes he is divorced but has a very young daughter who he absolutely adores and lives near…..

  412.  #412Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 5:08 am

    #405 Ella

    I get from your posts that you seem to attract “damaged” men that you can fix?????

    I have seen this pattern in myself, maybe we are more used to giving than receiving?

  413.  #413Brenda on January 28, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Can LD bring his daughter to another country if he chooses to move?

  414.  #414Francesca on January 28, 2012 at 5:13 am


    “And, I am aware about how I am choosing pain here. How I keep bringing this situation to me because of my subconscious patterns.”

    Ella, I see this as a great opportunity to change your subconscious patterns.

    Since you noticed what the issue is, wouldn’t it be worth it to work on this?

  415.  #415Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 5:14 am

    #409 Brenda

    G*d no!!! He is too American LOL!! And besides which his ex has custody…..

  416.  #416Ella on January 28, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Oh, and to finish my story from last night.

    So this girl was there, and I don’t know the ins and out of it but it looks to me like she likes MWC… and so she had come to meet him where he works once he had finished.

    And although I was completely UnSireny with MWC last night, apart from that I have been quite an unbelievably Sireny Godess around him.

    And it was so funny, because I just didn’t even for one second consider the possibility that I might not be number one.

    No I realise this may sound odd, or big headed or something but it is actually progress for me who always used to think I was second or third choice, if at all.

    That I just assumed I was the one he wanted.

    And I was.

    What I mean is all his attention was focused on me… and then she had to ask him for a lift home and there was no question about who he was prioritising.

    And even when we all got in his car, I just automatically opened the back seat for her to get in and she did.

    I didn’t really realise any of this until after.

    And I do feel a little bit bad for her.

    BUT I AM VOTING FOR ME!!!! Automatically. And this is such good progress for me.

    I am just assuming I am the one guys want.

    And I am. Well at least here.

    When we dropped her off the got out the car and said in the most inauthentic way ‘it was nice to meet you’ and stomped off to whereever she lives.

    This was said with her back to me as she walked off and I could literally feel the angry vibes pulsing off her.

    Now I want to be clear that I don’t feel especially good about all this, and I do recognise that it is not nice or healthy, I mean with my man there won’t even be any other women around… But, what is amazing for me here is how I am NOTICING this stuff.

    Its like seeing a whole new level of how humans interact, and energy, vibe etc at work.

    Well then we went back to his.

    And we weren’t drinking.

    And I just still felt all off key and cross and icky so I just sat with that and didn’t try to pretend.

    And then he tried to touch me, and hold my hand, and I said No, I couldn’t do it. It didn’t feel right.

    And then we began talking about why he lied to me, and how that felt to me, and how it has made me now feel.

    But I STILL didn’t feel like he was being completely honest so I asked him to take me home.

    I cried a little bit when we were talking, and so did he.

    I cried because I felt sad and frustrated.

    But even with the crying and intenseness of the whole situation I just still didn’t feel trusting.

    I have been here before with Mr Barman and had him look me in the eyes and lie.

    So I trust myself. Not any man.

    And it didn’t feel good.

    So I asked to be taken home and he did.

    What I am also realising with him is there are a lot of WORDS. But then the actions just don’t match up.

    So much is said… but then only a very small percentage of it actually happens.

    And he has not really had to plan many dates with me… as we have often ended up just going home together after nights out of work…

    This one is my own doing for not being stronger in my boundary but I feel ok about it.

    Cus, if I do just lean back he’ll either have to step up and sort out, including offering me proper dates, which I can then decide whether I want to accept or not, or he may just fizzle out…

    Which could be really good.

    For me the hardest part is making the choice to come home on my own and feel my icky feelings instead of drinking with him and the others and then going with him to his house, to avoid having my icky, lonely feelings.

    I hope I can do this.

    Seeing this situation clearly makes me determined to do this.

    To give this other way a chance, even though I am scared.

    How silly to be SO scared of a few nasty feeling feelings.

    What a wimp I can be sometimes.

    And I love myself anyway. I am intending to take these babysteps, and make the best choices as ofen as I can. And I won’t beat myself up if I make a not so good choice…

    I feel scared.

    And thats ok, I intend to love my scared.

  417.  #417Ella on January 28, 2012 at 5:31 am

    And the other thing noticing.

    Is how UnSireny that other girl was being… and how much like that I used to be (and still can be if I don’t catch myself).

    Going to see men on a kinda casual ‘friends’ hang out kind of basis.

    Going to meet them at their place of work and waiting for them.

    Typing on their FB wall about how much I have missed them etc…

    Trying to ingratiate (spelling??) myself with their friends.

    Buying drinks.

    Putting their needs first like a mother.

    And accepting second class treatment from them when they choose another woman over me, even though I clearly have feelings for them.

    This is what she was doing… and what I used to do.

    And it just reminded my of how bloo8dy awful that all felt, and how I never want to do that again.

    I think it is just a friends thing with them… I don’t really care.

    Other than that I just don’t want other women around when I am daing guys.

    I want to be their centre of attention.

    I believe that when they had their ‘catch up’ the other day that they got wasted… and that is what the issue with me and him is all about… cus he lied about it… and also I think the extent of his addiction.

    And I feel angry that she was there again.

    I feel angry enough that I am quite willing and wanting to keep my distance from him for now.

    And of course underneath the anger is fear.

    And I love that too.

    And there is a pull to go into ‘compete’ mode with this girl.

    Oh how attracive that feels in some ways…

    And actually no, I just don’t want to.

    A Siren does not need to compete because there is no competition.

    A man can compete for a woman.

    A woman accepts or rejects.

    And despite this less than wholesome and a bit icky situation I do still see this ALL as another testimonial to how Rori’s stuff really does work!

    And although I feel weak in some ways (soft on the outside??) I do feel strong in some ways too… sometimes.

    Hoping and intending to be strong on the inside.

    So there that is me, the good, the bad and the ugly right now.

  418.  #418Ella on January 28, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Francesca re 409

    Thank you.

    Yes, that is exactly what I am doing.

  419.  #419Ella on January 28, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Silver Moonbeam re 407

    I am turning this around for myself.


  420.  #420Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 5:42 am

    I vote for you too Ella 🙂

  421.  #421Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Good morning Siren Island!!!!

  422.  #422Ella on January 28, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Oh maybe I do feel a little bit good about being number 1, instead of that other girl.

    Owww, and I feel guilty saying that too!!

  423.  #423Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 5:47 am

    #415 Ella

    You should be so proud of yourself that you just get this RR stuff so well.

    It’s amazing how once we know about overfunctioning we can never really do it again, sure everybody has the odd slip up, we are only human after all not Roribots, but once that part of it clicks in your head you KNOW that you will never, ever again go into that pure boy energy even though it is baby stepping it…..

    Honestly I cringe and feel my face go hot with shame when I think of some of the “male” stuff I have done in the past, eek!!!

    But as Maya Angelou says (paraphrasing)

    I did what I thought was right at the time and when I knew better I did better.

  424.  #424Ella on January 28, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Thanks Lizka


    That feels good.

  425.  #425Ella on January 28, 2012 at 5:52 am


    Thanks for that quote from Maya Angelou.

    It is nice.

  426.  #426Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 5:56 am

    I have a request for ideas for a feeling message here…

    I don’t feel that much attracted by LaughingCD but I want to keep him in my rotation to practice. I have prove lately that I DO need practice, lol. And something to protect me from insanity too, lol.

    So yesterday around 6 pm, he texted me on Facebook “things that means nothing”. He was just fooling around like “I’m huuungry, what are we eating?” and I replied even if was I didn’t feel too entertained and then he just left the chat. Whatever.

    And by 11.30, I just finished dating myself and watching my movie and I was in bed and I receive another Facebook message from him saying again “things that means nothing”. Just blah blah blah. Like “I’m still hungry”. And than “what are you doing?”. I said I was about to go to sleep so he replied “bouuuuh”.

    Seriously I felt really annoyed and bored and his messages felt stupid and empty for me. And I was about to go sleep (LIKE I TOLD HIM), so I didn’t answer (what do you want to answer to “bouuuuh” anyway?)…

    And guess what I woke up with this morning??

    He sent a message saying “It’s ok. I got it. I won’t be bothering you again”.

    SERIOUSLY?!? What the…? Did I said anything? I just went to bed because it was almost midnight!!!

    Arrrggggg I feel angry reading that! Like do I owe him any reply in the minute, specially at midnight and specially to a message as insignificant as “bouuuuh”. Seriously, man up dude!

    So of course I don’t want to apologize. I want to tell him that his message felt bad to read this morning and that I never said that he was bothering me… I don’t want to justify anything. I don’t have too.

    Should I go just with a simple “Your message felt bad to read this morning [so he will unterstand that I went to sleep like I said]. I felt controlled [??? not sure). I never said you were bothering me. I don’t want people to put words that I haven’t say in my mouth. If I feel bothered, I will say it.”

    That sounds blamey…

    Any other idea?

  427.  #427Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Hi Silver MoonBeam 🙂

  428.  #428Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 6:01 am

    #421 Ella

    Well those aren’t her exact words but I use them to forgive myself for all the stupid things I have done in my past.

    I love her work, she uses such powerful words that seem to hit the spot when you need them.

  429.  #429Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 6:02 am

    #423 Lizka

    Hey!!!! How are you today?? 🙂

    It’s 2pm here in the UK and I am still in my pj’s. 😀

    What time is it over there in Canada?

  430.  #430Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 6:06 am

    #422 Lizka

    Can you somehow turn it into a little joke cos remember men are attracted to our happiness…..

    Remember Antonio Banderas 🙂 well he was a little angry at me right for not replying right away but I turned it around with a little comment and a smiley face remember. I think I will call him another name, maybe AB, and I am just practising here because he is way too young for me, too short and he lives in Portugal LOL!!

    So let’s see how we can turn LaughingCD’s anger around.,………

  431.  #431Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 6:09 am

    bouuuhh – is this a French thing??

  432.  #432siren song on January 28, 2012 at 6:16 am

    Wow. Woke up to 8 messages from the angry guy, saying he is out of my life…’Congratulations! You just wanted to starve me out and make me go away. YOU ARE GOING TO (expletive) REGRET THIS!’

    He is obviously hurting. Something very old. I feel sad. But also good, because I have a full day of good stuff going on.

    No computer yet, though. Bah.

  433.  #433Lolita on January 28, 2012 at 6:23 am

    Good morning Sirens on Beautiful Siren Island! I am blogging from my BB so I’ll be quick and catch up later today properly. Quick Update: M did call me on Thursday and we had a fantastic evening and night. I had the exclusivity talk with him (although I didn’t mention Match and now looking back I wish I had because he was soooo receptive). I gave him the FMs and promised he is not sleeping nor dating with anyone and looked in my eyes and held my hand and said we are exclusive. I feel so much better and although we are still moving slowly back into our relationship, I am very grateful as he did call it our relationship and that he wants us to go the distance to forever surely but slowly.

  434.  #434Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Silver It’s 9.30 am. Still in bed 🙂

  435.  #435Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 6:38 am

    Lol Silver, you’re right about turning it into a joke. 🙂

    Bouuuuh = deception

  436.  #436Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 6:41 am

    Oh Lolita I feel so happy for you!! Youpi!!!

  437.  #437Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 6:50 am

    I’m thinking of a joke for LaughingCD and I can’t find one…

  438.  #438Ella on January 28, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Lillybelly re 42.

    Me too.

    Hugs Siren Sister.


  439.  #439Ella on January 28, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Its 3pm here.

  440.  #440mali on January 28, 2012 at 7:05 am

    I’m bursting with love for the Universe today. I’m so thankful to be me!!

    Day #6


    I’ve been so excited for my dates with MedCD and A =)

    With MedCD, he’s intelligent. I feel challenged. I feel intrigued and genuinely interested in him… I LOVE his confident persona and his masculinity. Mmm, loving the masculine. Loving the feeling of being with a man. And I’m loving the chemistry!

    With A… I feel so comfortable to be open about my feelings. I feel safe and understood, and I know that he’s attracted to me, but that he understands me, too. I feel like I can completely unravel and feel that connection… it’s such a gentle, peaceful, feeling.

    and there’s so much love in the air. This has been the best Valentine’s Day yet!! I’m just excited to see where it all goes… 😉

  441.  #441Memulo on January 28, 2012 at 7:05 am


    I was about to say that if you do want to respond (and you don’t have to) then smiley face would be a good move. And then saw SM suggesting the same! Yes, I would send a smiley at most.

  442.  #442Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Memulo – Hum yes… I think I’ll send a smiley… it says nothing, it’s not a justification, and it will show him that I am not mad!

    Thank you!

  443.  #443Ella on January 28, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Oh I am sittng here feeling anxious!

    Good for me.

    I love my anxiousness!


  444.  #444Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Lizka don’t forget he is not used to the ways of Siren Island and probably got a little angry at your lack of response, poor boy. 🙂

    He probably thinks you are one of those poor non-Sirens who jump at a man’s every text message and phone call and answer desperately like RIGHT NOW this minute, remember just like we used to before we learnt the wisdom here on Siren Island. 😉

  445.  #445Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I am getting ready for a super siren day!

    Eating a healthy breakfast (lol after last night chips and cookies orgy from last night!), a peanut butter toast, orange juice and an apple. Also had a tall glass of water earlier.

    I’ll go run a little 5 km. Been pretty lazy in the last days/weeks and I need to catch up in my marathon training.

    Later I’ll clean a little around the house to feel better in my environment and I will spend some time with my mom. She’s coming over because she want me to help her creating a profile on a dating website. Cute. 🙂 I’ll try to make her a sireny profile, with a few feeling messages and everything. Will be a good practice!

  446.  #446Femininewoman on January 28, 2012 at 7:47 am

    siren song just remember to stay soft and open no matter what he is saying.

  447.  #447Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 7:50 am

    #436 Mali

    Hope your Valentines Day turns out to be super duper. 🙂

    February 14th is the day of my divorce anniversary. 😀

  448.  #448Femininewoman on January 28, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Lizka “Your message felt bad to read this morning [so he will unterstand that I went to sleep like I said]. I felt controlled [??? not sure). I never said you were bothering me. I don’t want people to put words that I haven’t say in my mouth. If I feel bothered, I will say it.”

    I would just say :”I felt sleepy so I drifted off” and leve it at that. I believe he was bored. No need to feel defensive or explain anything to him.

  449.  #449Ella on January 28, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Excuse me Sirens…

    Some cussing coming up… so don’t read if you find that kind of thing triggering.





    I HATE him.


    Oh what I mean is I feel hella angry.

    And I LIKE It cus it feels powerful.

    So sick of not feeling powerful.

    But I feel shaky too.

    Shaky like a leaf.

    And some fear in tummy.

    Ball of anxiousness.


    I feel something.

    Alll on my own.

    Cus I am a Sireny, Siren Siren.





  450.  #450LILI 41 on January 28, 2012 at 8:12 am


    Yey Camille! 😀

    I absolutely looovved what you had to say about fear of failure! 🙂

    After unearthing my fear of intimacy, the fear of failure was keeping me stuck in the crazy 8 of depression and anger.

    I’ve been asking myself for 2 weeks: What would I be like, what would I feel like and what would I do if I was fearless and confident?

    I finally tapped into those feelings of fearlessness and confidence last night. I felt FREE and ALIVE ! 😀

    This morning, I felt vibes of looove coming towards me from my man.
    I get that kind of vibe from him every time I have a breakthrough.
    That vibe dissipates when I’m struggling with my fears.
    That’s when I step back and sink into my feelings.
    He patiently stands by and keeps coming back until I get another breakthrough.

    That fear of failure keeps me trapped.
    When I let it go, I feel so FREEEEE!

  451.  #451Susan on January 28, 2012 at 8:17 am

    RE: 39: Femininewoman says:

    “I am wondering about skin brushing and massages. What do you think a spa treat for Valentine’s?”

    My daughter has a Clairsonic skin brusher and she loves it. And Sweet Man and I go to a Korean Spa a couple of times a year. I like Korean Spas a LOT!

    This is the one I go to. If you just Google Korean Spa and your zip code or city, you will get the ones in your area. They are SO clean and restful. The massages there are the BEST! I had a scrub once, too. Oh. My. God.

  452.  #452Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Any computer whizzes online please?

    When I shut down the browser I can see all the icons at the bar along the bottom (like clock, calendar, power, etc.) but when I got into a browser like Google or any webpage like this one the bar has disappeared and I don’t know how to get it back. 🙁


  453.  #453Ella on January 28, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Muddy Pond Alert!

    In fact it feels more like mostly mud, and less water right now!

  454.  #454Silver Moonbeam on January 28, 2012 at 8:24 am

    #449 Go for it Ella!!!

    #447 Susan – I live in a town with possibly (probably?) the biggest Korean population here and I cannot find any sign of a spa, so disappointed now I will just have to make do with buying a body brush for today. 🙁

  455.  #455Lolita on January 28, 2012 at 8:37 am


    I would express how you FEEL, that is what Rori teaches us. So get down into your feelings and express them in FMs.

  456.  #456Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Ok the case with LaughingCD is fixed. I used your suggestion Feminine Woman. In french, “drifted off” sounds funny. So it’s a mix of what you suggested and what Silver Moonbeam suggested. I love it.

    Now I can go back to my wonderful Saturday. 🙂

  457.  #457Kgirl on January 28, 2012 at 8:55 am

    So I’m still fairly new to this CDing thing and I have this guy who is a client of mine who I knew as an aqaintance before he was a client. He’s tried to ask me out 2x in the past, to which I told him I was busy because I didn’t want to go. Yesterday he asked me again and I still don’t want to go because I don’t enjoy being around him much. It feels a little weird because of the mixing business and pleasure thing too. He’s not a bad guy, just don’t like him and find him annoying sometimes. But wondering if there would be any value to spending time with him for the practice. But part of me feels like I wouldn’t want to try to attract him. Would appreciate any of your thoughts on when/if you will CD guys that you know you’re not interested in just for practice?

  458.  #458LILI 41 on January 28, 2012 at 9:01 am


    Did you open your windows?

    The temperature is so mild here today in Mtl.
    I just opened my windows and it feels so refreshing! 🙂

  459.  #459Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Lili, I did not opened the window but I went jogging and I indeed felt it.

    Good idea, I’ll open the window for a little while to refresh the apartment!

  460.  #460Starla on January 28, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Lizka, you sound like I used to! I was so strongly attracted to men like P who didn’t pursue me the way I wanted them to, that I actually felt TURNED OFF and ANGRY at the guys who did pursue me. They seemed like p*ssies to me. I just wanted to scream, “Man up, b*tch!” once I saw any insecurity out of them (because they wanted my attention and liked me, and because they were scared of my rejection, I saw them as really annoying and not masculine.).

    I did not feel respect (or much excitement) for any of the nice guys I dated. Then I started practicing going out with them and receiving, and trusting my feelings and saying no (politely) when i just didn’t feel inspired to go out with them. They’d keep pursuing (of course! Indifference is such an attraction builder, as we’ve all personally experienced both ways)… and sometimes it annoyed me, but I practiced saying no without feeling angry or blaming them for not interesting me/turning me on, and it really helped me, because eventually a nice guy does come along who feels EXCITING! For every 4 or 5 lame nice guys, I believe there is an exciting nice guy.

    The exciting nice guy is looking for a girl who appreciates nice guys, even if they’re not exciting. He is looking for a woman who would rather be bored to death and treated nicely than fulfilled with the drama of an unavailable guy/guy who doesn’t pursue the way you’d like. Exciting nice guys are looking for women who prioritize being treated well, because it means they will be welcome there to shower you with love and affection.

  461.  #461Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Starla –

    “For every 4 or 5 lame nice guys, I believe there is an exciting nice guy.”

    That feels hopeful.

    And thank you for sharing your story. I think you are right about this being a pattern of me… And this is why I wanted to keep LaughingCD in my rotation to practice receiving, even if I am not that excited…

    But I’m just wondering… I don’t think because men are afraid of my rejection and giving me attention they are “nice guy”, no? Not sure LaughingCD is absolutely a nice guy, he judged me big time when he asked what thousands of questions about when, how many, etc. guys I have slept with in the last months…

    And P never judged me on anything (and really never heard him judged anyone), and he’s not stepping up a lot…. Does that make HIM a bad guy…

    I don’t think we can put guys into bad and good categories just because they step up, they are afraid of rejection, they call often…


    But I understand your point… And yes, I’m working on that pattern.

  462.  #462Starla on January 28, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Lizka, yeah, I see what you’re saying! In my mind a nice guy is a step-up guy. I’m gonna call them step-up guys instead.

    Cuz they’re not “bad guys,” but we hurt a lot with them because they don’t step up.

  463.  #463Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Hum… P was a nice AND exciting guy like a year ago… he can’t have turn out “bad” in just a few months… Yes, probably my attitude has push him away… So if I switch my behavior (I think I’m on the good), I can find the old nice and exciting P. 🙂

    Yay! That feels hopeful!!

    But I don’t want to think too much of P this weekend… So that’s gonna be the only message I write about him today.

    Will go for a little nap before my mom gets here…

  464.  #464Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 10:03 am

    “P was a nice AND exciting guy”

    I mean he was a step-up guy AND exciting guy… And a nice guy too. lol

  465.  #465Lizka on January 28, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Oh no, I wrote another post about him!!!!


    ok off to a nap now!

    Cheers sirens!!

  466.  #466Rori Raye on January 28, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Kgirl – just by being with him in ANY situation – professional or otherwise – you can be practicing Circular Dating! That’s the thing about CDing – it’s therapeutic, not results-oriented. Love, Rori

  467.  #467Starla on January 28, 2012 at 10:10 am

    So I did something a little weird…you might be mortified for me. I woke up from an awful nightmare in a panic around 6am and called CF reflexively, without even thinking. I was just so scared. He was really sweet but I feel so dumb for it. My NVs are going crazy. I hope he’s not second guessing his strong feelings for me now. I hope he doesn’t think I’m a lunatic. I was so confused and couldn’t figure out if the dream was real or not, so I was really scared. I was dreaming that I was about to be arrested and jailed for a long time, so I couldn’t go to grad school or have a good career. I asked him if it was real. He said it was just a dream, and that he would give me huge hugs later. I felt better.

    he knows I have nightmares every night… but i feel like a stupid girl right now, and afraid of being judged as insane. i was half asleep and i must have sounded so stupid asking if something was real or not.

    Love to me.

  468.  #468Rori Raye on January 28, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Flor – The way to talk about finances is to sit down as if you’re doing a business meeting, with paper and pencil if necessary – and TALK. It’s just like any Negotiation in my ebook, you use feeling messages, and you work it out together. You let him know your financial status and ask him what he thinks, going down the line, you should be contributing to the relationship financially. And what he expects you to contribute to a trip. Be light and easy and just gather information with him. Love, Rori

  469.  #469Rori Raye on January 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

    So sorry, I had to trash your comment if you said you are under 18 or in High School – and can’t even mention your name. Love, Rori

  470.  #470Starla on January 28, 2012 at 10:22 am

    He said “I want to prove to you that you can always call me when you need me.” He was so half asleep

    it was sweet.

    He also said he cared a lot about me. I said some sleepy needy things about wishing he could cuddle me through the phone. He was very sweet and loving to me.

    I feel super dumb=/

  471.  #471Lolita on January 28, 2012 at 10:32 am

    There are so many posts about food and health, I just thought I could share my favorite SIREN FOOD with my Siren Sisters: I make a shake with almond milk (better than soy, rice or dairy milk), almond butter, a mix of frozen mangoes, peaches and fresh fruits like strawberries or blackberries and some honey and BEE POLLEN (feels like total Siren food to me) and sometimes I add rice protein for support.

  472.  #472siren song on January 28, 2012 at 10:36 am


    I received a bunch more angry messages. It feels confusing. How to stay open? So I replied ‘it feels bad to read this.’ I feel good now.

  473.  #473Lolita on January 28, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Oh and I almost always throw in a banana for extra energy

  474.  #474Starla on January 28, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Lolita that shake sounds amazing! Sadly I am allergic to bananas. I am going to start making that shake!! I keep hemp milk on hand so I’ll just use that. It is super creamy and I love it:)

  475.  #475Lolita on January 28, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Starla, I didn’t even know about Hemp milk, wow. Bananas are obviously not necessary.

  476.  #476Starla on January 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

    oooh hemp milk is lovely. I buy “tempt” brand original. very very good for you.

    zai jian, sirens. i’m off to chinese class:)

  477.  #477mali on January 28, 2012 at 10:53 am


    My father owns the house I live in, and two of the girls have written him a letter outlining concerns they have about dirtiness, shower not working, and other things…

    And ofcourse the fact that I haven’t said anything to my Father means he’s angry with me…

    And over Winter when we were away for the vacation, I switched off the fridge freezer and had to throw the food belonging to my housemates… which I didn’t tell them about.

    I know now that I should have… but they actually wrote about it in the email to my Dad, without telling me that they were angry and wanted me to reimburse the food!

    I know that people may feel uncomfortable to express anger in person… but how am I supposed to know if they have an issue if they don’t say anything?!

    Ugh, I feel attacked, and hurt, and angry, and mad… and ganged up on 🙁 Giving myself hugs.

    It’s okay Mali, I got you <3

  478.  #478Dominique on January 28, 2012 at 10:58 am

    fyi – Clarisonic is very different that a skin brush. The former is a sonic brush cleansing tool which deep cleans and stimulates that skin. The plus model has a body attachment, but it’s still not the same. I use both.


  479.  #479Daria on January 28, 2012 at 11:28 am

    oh and… i asked Rasta MAn CD if he can give me the 5 dollars back.

    he said if you need it… i said yes… and he did

    i felt very good for taking care of myself this way!


    actually i said… “i feel scared to say this .. but… it would feel good to have the 5 dollars back”

    and later he said hehe you said “i feel scared to say this, why did you say that”

    i said i feel awkward talking about money stometimes

  480.  #480Kayla on January 28, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Hello everyone… I’m feeling upset today about a number of things.. First off, I can’t stop thinking about Dylan.. I think about him everyday, and I feel needy for doing this.. It’s okay to think of somebody and feel this way right?? I don’t know how to get it to stop.. He told me he was going to step up and be the man in the relationship, but that was the last time we talked.. Which was about 3 weeks ago, it feels like forever. . . Does this mean that his feelings for me have gone away??? I haven’t looked at his fb in a very long time so I feel proud of that, but today I looked at it, and a lot of his statuses were about a girl.. I don’t know if that girl that he was talking about was me, but I have this feeling that it was.. Idk I feel obsessive that I can’t get him out of my head.. Why hasn’t he talked to me?? And I feel like he is done trying for me because I haven’t tried for him.. He even told me this is what he wanted me to do. But I don’t feel comfortable with leaning forward first and chasing a man.

  481.  #481Kayla on January 28, 2012 at 11:34 am

    He doesn’t seem to understand this though.. I feel like he looks at it as a game, like he’s done all the chasing now it’s my turn.. Ugh I feel so frustrated!! I feel like there is a huge obstacle that’s in the way of me finding love, but I don’t know what this obstacle is.. I feel like I am falling back into my old patterns, I want to text him… But I know that would be pushing him away, but leaning back doesn’t seem like it’s exactly helping either.. Not just with this one man, but with any man… Hmm what do I do??

  482.  #482Kayla on January 28, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Also, another thing that’s really been bothering me lately is Ricky, I just want to be friends with him… That’s it, I feel like I have done my part in trying to see where things will go, and trying to see if I will gain feelings for him, but I just don’t have feelings for him. I feel like I need to tell him this and stop acting like I do, because I hate when he is all over me, especially in front of ppl. It makes me feel embarassed and ppl look at me like, seriously??? You can do way better than him.. Ppl tell me that all the time too, and I feel like I am being judged by everyone for letting Ricky be all over me. I’m just scared to tell him how I feel because I don’t want him to stop talking to me.. He always makes my weekends fun and I feel like telling him I don’t have feelings for him will just make him not want to talk to me anymore and I will just be sitting at home bored every weekend.. I feel like I am being selfish by doing this, so I am going to tell him how I feel.. But what do I say? Any ideas?

  483.  #483Daria on January 28, 2012 at 11:49 am

    some peopel have a natural feeling for grammar AND numbers… they all seem similar to computer programming to me

  484.  #484Daria on January 28, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Kayla – i have a guyfriend CD that is kinda “weird” and that even his cousin thinks *I’m* weird for even being around

    and yet slowly im starting to get used to him! and he’s stepping up

    i don’t tell him “i don’t have feelings for you”

    i just practice saying “i don’t feel comfortable” when i feel overwhlemed (that could be like you in public with him)

    and i practice receiving what i DO feel comfortable with and expanding that

  485.  #485mali on January 28, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Lalala dancing wildly around and letting this feeling go now… thankyou for making me super sensitive, Universe. Thanjyou for making me aware of me feelings =)

  486.  #486Kayla on January 28, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Thank you Daria. Do you have anything to say about my other posts above this one?

  487.  #487Memulo on January 28, 2012 at 11:59 am

    What’s a nice way to tell a guy that you would prefer to know date plans in advance? As if not to be told the restaurant name and the time in a way: here is where I will meet you, I am leaving now.


  488.  #488Senior Lady Vibe on January 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    @473: Lolita


  489.  #489Senior Lady Vibe on January 28, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    @452: Silver Moonbeam

    I don’t if you are still looking to change your pc. I run Vista on Windows so not sure if yours is the same but…

    …try this==>
    While you can see icons right click your mouse on the bar and tick the little box next to “Lock the taskbar”

  490.  #490Senior Lady Vibe on January 28, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    @BW et al

    I survived CDing the dates. No harm done. Sweetie didn’t get a single one; I ate them all. I’m a little embarassed to say how many so I won’t.

    My body and spirit were craving them. Maybe because of some mineral in them, probably because dates remind me of the Christmas magic season which didn’t quite take place this year and this was my last hurrah…


  491.  #491tenny on January 28, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    LOL! Opened my creamer this morning and thought of you 🙂

    Hope that situation worked out

  492.  #492Daria on January 28, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Memulo – oh wow, i feel kinda put on the spot… i dont feel ready … ack! it would feel better to know in advance

  493.  #493Daria on January 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Kayla – sometimes i obsess about men (especially if i have an image of a sexual fantasy with them)

    it helps me a lot to meet new men … a lot of new men, and keep practicing opening up

    then sometimes voila! the obsession just softens and melts away