To Get More Love – Take IN More Love

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If you’re with a man and you’re not feeling great at the moment — if you’re feeling a bit insecure, a bit anxious, a bit tense, unsure of yourself — you are being TRIGGERED.

Now, the only thing left to discover is the why about your being triggered, so you can use my Tools to get yourself to a better-feeling place.

So here are the two possibilities:

1. He doesn’t like you as much as he is REQUIRED to like you in order for you to spend any time with him at all. Period.

So, let’s say you’re feeling insecure, anxious, tense — if he doesn’t like you the way he’s supposed to like you, what that will kick in and trigger is the part of you that does not feel “good enough.”

The part of you that feels unworthy.

The part of you that AGREES with him not liking you quite enough.

The part of you that then wants to work hard to get his approval. The part that wants to row the boat, do whatever you have to do to GET him to like you enough.

The hope here — subconsciously of course — is that you can somehow get him to like you enough to overpower your own feelings of not liking YOURSELF enough.

In the second possibility is…

2. He really likes you.

Well, you ask – whatever could this trigger? I mean he likes me! Isn’t that great?

Well, yeah, except that if he likes you and you still don’t like yourself enough, you’re going to feel horribly uncomfortable being liked.

It will feel thrilling on the one hand, and totally terrifying on the other.

Your voice inside your head — the Nasty Voice — the voice that’s still yelling at you that you aren’t “good enough,” will make it challenging for you to RECEIVE his “like,” or, “love.”

And when we feel uncomfortable Receiving like and love, we immediately go into our automatic, usual defense maneuvers.

That could look like immediately trying to reverse the energy flow by giving to HIM.

It could be waiting for the “other shoe to drop” and holding the tension in our bodies – anxiety, stiffness, fear, dread – the whole nine yards of awful.

It could be putting up a wall so that his “like” can’t get into your heart.

So… whatever is going on it’s one of these two possibilities… and, you can see, the cause is the same, and the solution is the same.

The solution is to PRACTICE opening your heart, little by little, baby-step by baby-step, and letting like and love in without trying to fend it off, push it back, or make it small enough for your inner misery voices to tolerate.

The solution is to get your inner Nasty Voice to quiet down a bit and not feel so scared and activated by getting it slowly USED to your being loved!

You can do this by simply starting with loving YOURSELF!

I know it seems too simple – but really – how much time do you spend totally appreciating YOU! Dressing you to feel good? Making you pretty and happy and soft and humming along? Giving PLEASURE to yourself every way you possibly can?

Taking every opportunity to tell yourself how much you love you and to smile at yourself and pat yourself and make love to yourself and sing to yourself and dance for yourself and slow yourself down so you can take all this love in….?

Try starting here – with you loving you…and then expand a bit.

Include the children and old people and strangers you encounter out in the world. Let their smiles get into your heart, and let your smile OUT.

Just let the smiles come in and out – see if you can bypass the need to start a conversation or GIVE something to someone. Just see if you can receive the like and love coming at you.

Let me know how this works for you!

Love, Rori

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158 Comments

  1.  #1moli on July 30, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Oh wow!

    The man that really likes me…and I feel like I want to run and hide! The man that really likes me so I convince myself that there must be something wrong with HIM…..

    Oh wow!

    Been wondering what was going on there….Triggered…hmmm

    Ha and I thought I might be getting somewhere with all this. Feel just as stuck as I ever did. At least maybe now I know what’s happening every time I get to this point… I thought it was the men who didn’t like me. That was never the problem. It’s me that doesn’t like me :-((

    Feeling sad. Feel so sad. I can’t out-think this. It’s not cerebral. It’s deep core self loathing. How do I sort that out?



  2.  #2Daria on July 30, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    so what if when the man likes me i feel ick. i don’t want him sexually.

    i think oohhh he wants me uncontrollably like a 5 year old and not like an in control man.

    but then when a man doesnt like me, or i like him, i want him to like me uncontorllably?

    i feel stuck with this…

    i feel attracted to him slightly, but if i think of opening my legs to him i feel ICK Disgusted

    when he kissed me i feel eh, ick, ok its time for this to be over



  3.  #3Daria on July 30, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    i dont even want him to give me head… not exciting enuf



  4.  #4tinque on July 30, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    moli – You sort it out by finding something, anything you DO like about YOU, even if it’s a tiny thing, and you expand on it every chance you get.
    And then you find another thing to like, love even, and expand on that one.
    Bit by bit, baby step by baby step.
    xxoo



  5.  #5moli on July 30, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Yep that too Daria! I don’t want sex with him if he really likes me! In fact I don’t feel attracted to him AT ALL! I just don’t fancy him if he likes me… feels too much…too scary…too real…and… yep there it is… I feel if he really likes me…and I let my guard down and really like him back… I’d become so vulnerable.

    I feel like a little girl again. (This is where all this came from my mother – she is the nasty voice incarnate. I don’t hate her for it any more. She has her own reasons for being that way) Everytime I opened up and loved my mum, she’d nasty voice me and I’d feel like crap again. (She used to say ‘No one will love you’. ‘You don’t deserve to be loved.’)

    Blimey I’m 40 odd years old! When can I stop being that little girl??

    When do I get past this???



  6.  #6Melb(a) Lynne on July 30, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    oh good post here (Rori)…
    and Thank YOU Daria, (the only way I can express the speaking emphasis I would have here is to capitalise, so there it is…).. last night at a bar w g/f she said cuppla things – one thing that someone else said bout me, & one thing she said bout me…
    2 triggers… Instead Of Usual Going Into My Head & Wham Bham Criticising Myself More for These Qualities (which appear true on My Assessment of Me, & I wish I weren’t quite so)… I loved my ‘desperation’ (dating!!!!) & I embraced my ‘worrying’… & really felt it…. & felt “better” rather than the usual “yuk & yuk & more yuk feeling” when my “inner critic” helps along other’s (not so encouraging!!!) comments!!! yaayyy for Daria



  7.  #7Daria on July 30, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    yayy for Melba Lynne!!!

    super yayy



  8.  #8Kimberly on July 30, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Well done. And so so true. Thank you.



  9.  #9dorothea on July 30, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    i caught myself avoiding eye contact with a man i hoped would smile at me. when he did, i felt terrified. i smiled but looked away. why so terrified? i was scared he would talk to me. i was scared he would ask for my number. why so scared? he was a great looking guy with an attractive vibe that turned me on.

    i was scared he would stop and talk to me and regret it, deciding i wasn’t all that cool.

    i felt unworthy.

    i only feel comfortable with “ghetto” guys tryin to talk to me. they don’t intimidate me.



  10.  #10dorothea on July 30, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    fear of rejection. fear of feeling angry that he stopped to talk to me but was too retarded to ask for my number.



  11.  #11lm on July 30, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    this is sooo scary…i feel scared that i will be ‘found out’…i’m not as awesome as the guy thought i was when he met me. i feel like a fraud. ugh. my stomach feels hot just thinking about it. i feel afraid that i will never be attracted to a guy who is really into me again. it’s terrifying.



  12.  #12Tina on July 30, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    Im back from my road trip from hell aaaaaaaagh! what a nightmare, I feel bad, thats all I can say for now.



  13.  #13Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    We drove for twelve hours all night , it was hot and humid, both of us sweating like crazy, the air conditioning helped but still. He rented a nice suite, I wanted to take a nice bath to help me feel relaxed and relieve my sore back and the tension I felt, I said to him, I’ll take a nice bath and wait for you to have a shower, he immediatly said Oh no Im not taking a shower, I said “are we having sex? I feel much more relaxed after riding for twelve hours in a truck all hot and sweaty. He said nope, he wasnt going to do that. I felt angry blah that started the nightmarish trip. we had sex but I was just there going through the motions , he wanted oral sex, I said no, please lets just bathe first, he gets up and goes washes his , well balls I guess ugh!



  14.  #14Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    half way through the sex he then says well would you feel better if I showered, I said forget it just continue, it ended quickly. I felt angry all the next day about why he wouldnt bathe before sex , I was effin pissed, the following day, I noticed he definitely was being nicer to other women than he was to me. I pulled out all my Rori Raye tools to FEEL. I voted for myself A LOT!.



  15.  #15Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    The second night he had a shower and so did I of course, after I was feeling tense all day about the previous night. no shower



  16.  #16Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:20 pm

    I feel like I am walking on eggshells around him, the whole time. He starts to berate me for hours at a time. I was walking on eggshells and he didnt let me leave his sight for the whole trip. He said I “slipped away” from him when I used the washroom at a restaurant and said that most couples tell each other this, if they go to the washroom. dunno.



  17.  #17Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    I felt controlled for the most part, I said I need to go for a walk outside at the front of the hotel. I turned around and he was there watching me. ugh!



  18.  #18Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    The last part 24 hours he berated me non stop, until I jumped out of the truck and slammed the door and started walking away in a city I know nothing about. I started freaking out, I had an anxiety attack , a full on panic attack once. I walked and walked , he wouldnt go away. I felt I had no choice but to get back in after about 20 mins of me yellling at at the top of my lungs at him.



  19.  #19Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    I jumped out again after he continued to berate me at a coffee shop. there was no physical violence. I Feel so angry grrrrrrrrrrrr.



  20.  #20Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    I felt all my movements where controlled by him which I didnt notice at first.



  21.  #21Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    He called me a whore, psycho and said a lot of mean hurtfull things to me. he laid on the bed while I was trying to rest , berating me until the sun came up.



  22.  #22Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    I feel all shaky still but Im feeling a bit better. is it me? did I attract this guy? how? why? to tell me this? dunno. I feel peace and serenity coming back, IM HOME! 🙂



  23.  #23Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    Whats the message? hm lol



  24.  #24Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    through all this craziness he would say that he loved me and even sent me an offline message before I got back to my place. He threatened to dump me off some place on a few occasions, he offered to pay for my ticket back but wouldnt let me leave.



  25.  #25Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    I called me mom and told her what happened and she said she never liked him anyway, that her friend told her about him and her friend didnt want to upset me so she said nothing. My mom said never to see him again because she is afraid that he will hurt me in a bad way.



  26.  #26Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    I felt triggered to the eyeballs all week. I felt walking on eggshells the whole time, I couldnt relax, each time I did , he would say or do something else that triggered me.



  27.  #27Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    I feel like he knew what he was doing or what his actions where causing me anxiety, I used a lot of feeling messages, he didnt like this, I said I feel exhausted and he got very angry and started berating me some more.



  28.  #28Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    There was some good moments during the trip, just right now I cant think of it. I bought souvenirs when I could, I enjoyed looking around at all the things, I bought a really cute corn ornament made of beads.



  29.  #29Tina on July 30, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    ok so now here comes the dumb question, what do I do now? HELP!



  30.  #30Tina on July 30, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    AM i not loving myself enough? or what



  31.  #31Tina on July 30, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    I still feel very angry, furious actually about how the week went. I want to blame him for his bad treatment of me. The tone he used with me feels awful, I felt triggered even visualizing/hearing it.



  32.  #32Tina on July 30, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    is this what I do to myself all the time?



  33.  #33Tina on July 30, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    if thats the case then I beat myself up verbally pretty bad. I hired him? to do it for me?



  34.  #34FEMENERGYLOVE on July 31, 2010 at 2:06 am

    hi Rori.i’m really triggered by this new man in my life.he moved from his home country to another country for work and his former girlfriend followed him.they had problems even before the move and eventually broke up.she moved just to be with him and did not have a job etc so after the break up she had to essentially try and start getting her life back together.i really really like him and i’ve never had a man pay me so much attention and treat me well.i’m moving to another country to pursue my dream and he is planning on finding a job and moving to the same city to be together.i’m triggered by the fact that he seems to not have a plan or be ambitious about anything in particular but just finding a job and being with me.whats wrong with this?he is making the move all about me.he spoke about going back home and spending time with family etc to get himself together.now thats changed.he is afraid of losing me.i dont want his former situation to happen to me.i dont want him moving because of me.because i feel he is not ambitous enough and i feel he is toxic and will only ask me to be forever his out of fear.his former relationship was very toxic and i’m stumped about how to handle him and his mood swings and emotionar imbalance.i am trying to focus on myself but the constant questioning about why what when where.i feel like screaming get a plan!do your own thing!dont make it about me!the masculine energy i’m having to put out is killing me.



  35.  #35faubourg on July 31, 2010 at 2:56 am

    Thank you Rori for this subject, this is exactly what i needed!

    i sometimes even hear another word when someone says sthg nice to me, i hear sthg nasty! and the person says no i said i think you are bright (and i would hear crap for ex)

    for men it is even worse, i had this experience once of a real magnificent man willing to ask me for my phone number and i noticed he liked me only because he was doing so much efforts to get close to me and i did not get it, because he was so much what i wanted. it could not be real. and his colleague (it was in a cafeteria where people from several companies were having lunch) tried to help us being together but i was so horrified terrified and could not believe it that it did not happen, he got fed up i think, i could see he was exhausted with having to chase me and me being like a soap into his hands, he did not know what to do anymore, he disappeared i never saw him again.

    i still miss these incredible moments when a prince would let his shyness away and try to ask me out, and someone to help us being together it was always the opposite for me (someone to stop me from having love in my life, this little nasty voice in my ears or someone real being the nasty voice : i forbid you to go there you don’t deserve him he is too elegant, beautiful, professional, serious, he talks to someone about you like you are special to him, he puts his pride aside for you, he runs to see you, he puts his best outfit for you)

    i never got over this, letting a dream come true, i stopped seeing any man after that (except a few “crappy guys”) like i was trying to punish myself even more and follow the nasty voice direction : this crappy guy is good for you, that’s what you deserve

    it feels good to share that because i miss him actually this man, i could even say this person. this individual, this human being, no one had ever done that for me, ever.

    I now feel trap in the crappy guys scene, i need to get back to the prince scene, it’s as if i failed the exam for the prince dating and should stick to the crappy guys dating hell no! (it is a little hell no but it is a hell no still 🙂

    It is funny because now I date or meet men who are both crappy and princes! they really have both sides. i need to make a choice.

    i will work on my receiving love from the universe,



  36.  #36faubourg on July 31, 2010 at 3:01 am

    this week i will love myself

    i understand the date yourself but the make love to yourself sorry but it is weird for me, i don’t understand what you mean,

    is it embracing our sensuality, touching our skin find it smooth

    i wonder, it is really interesting because my libido is very flat maybe it will help to seduce myself : nice dress, nice shoes, nice hair, manucure, pedicure, nice perfume and feel whaou i am attractive but really feel it



  37.  #37Lizzie on July 31, 2010 at 5:23 am

    Tina – you are in an abusive relationship. You need to walk away from it right now. Don’t look back. Take all his stuff out of your place, pack it in a box and leave it somewhere. Don’t respond to his email – block him. Cancel his phone. You are not even seeing the abuse. Your mother is right.



  38.  #38pink flower on July 31, 2010 at 5:35 am

    Rory, what a great article!

    Tina, what a story, and you came out unharmed! Sorry about it… and at the same time big Congratulations! Your mum sounds wonderful too.

    Reading your story I had an aha moment. If guy is like a car… and his steering is broken… there is nothing in my power to drive well. Now I get off and start walking and he can fix himself. In the past I struggled much longer than necessary with the steering wheel to keep the vehicle in the right direction. Boy was I wrong! And broken car is of course prone to accidents and causing the driver harm!



  39.  #39Lizzie on July 31, 2010 at 5:37 am

    faubourg – I feel totally sexy and fabulous in beautiful lingerie. I have exquisite beautiful bras with matching panties of all sorts – thong, full, bikini you name it. I have bustiers; I have garters; I have lace stockings. My ex-h (was gay) and so he didn’t respond to any of that – so I lost my interest in being sexy, my inner wardrobe was “cotton utility”; I lost my libido entirely – for years I didn’t even caresse my own body to sooth away pain. When I divorced, all I could think of was how lousy a date I would be because I didn’t think I had any sexy energy vibes. So I bought a few books about how to have great sex, I bought some toys, and I moved up a scale in my beautiful lingerie. And now I buy the really top end stuff bit by bit adding to my “collection”. All in the self-love and embracing our sensuality. Beautiful lingerie is transformative! My suggestion to you is to go to one of the bra stores that does everything by private fitting. Give them a budget and tell you want beautiful and sexy. You will be astonished at how wonderful it feels! My latest fantacy is to have a custom leather red bustier made for me….Oh la la!! I am tingling just thinking about it! Go wild girl!!!



  40.  #40Jennifer on July 31, 2010 at 5:58 am

    Oh TIna!!!
    I feel sooo triggered by your experience. I feel afraid and furious!!!
    GAAAK EWWWW NOOOO!!!
    This is a BAD BAD BAD man!
    Please don’t let him near you! NO NO NO!
    Vacations should be ALL Fun…not a little fun with horrible bad nasty pockets.
    He did NOT take care of you.
    I feel sick.
    I feel headachy.
    I feel tense for you!
    I would feel so good if you did something fantastic for you…a spa day or some such thing….shake off that horrible vibe. Maybe some Rieke.
    Or a church service or what ever makes you happy
    and
    NO
    MORE
    MAN!!!!
    NO NO NONONONONON!
    [[ stomps feet and shakes fist]]



  41.  #41Jennifer on July 31, 2010 at 6:01 am

    …ask me how I really feel.



  42.  #42Jennifer on July 31, 2010 at 6:07 am

    I redid my questionaire for Eharmony. So mostly I’m still getting some wierd looking dudes……
    I emailed the core belif lady. She says that being this picky is not a function of the therapy. She also suggested that maybe the net is not a place for me.
    I dunno
    Men don’t seem to approach me in real life….out and about I seem to be I dunno..invisible?
    So the internet seemed a logical choice. But really I’m not getting that much action there either.
    I also retooled my profile on POF too…and got no responses …….even though I think it’s a GREAT profile with my simple pleasures list on it.
    So I dunno.
    Maybe there’s no men cause my head is still full of B.
    I think about him every day…even when I don’t want to.
    I don’t know what to do.



  43.  #43Renee on July 31, 2010 at 6:12 am

    IM — I feel like you described sometimes…like if the guy really likes me a lot, he’s falling for the “fake” me and that if he really gets to know me, he’ll find out I’m a fraud.

    One of the reasons I feel this way is because I smoke and it’s a habit I’m embarrassed about. I don’t tell the men I’m dating that I’m a closet smoker and don’t smoke around them…when we get to the point that we might spend the weekend together, I just go without smoking virtually all weekend and if I really like the guy, it doesn’t seem all that difficult. I guess that’s why I’m hoping that I’ll just meet someone I really enjoy spending time with and that will give me the extra incentive I need to quit once and for all (I quit once before for a year and picked it up again when a man I was dating smoked).

    Rori’s post really resonates with me today — I have noticed on occasion that if a guy I’m with isn’t paying quite as much attention to me as I’d like, I get this secret urge to ‘make’ him like me…the last time this happened, I was able to recognize it and lean back and he ended up leaning forward, so I guess it worked out ok, but this is definitely something I struggle with.

    And when a guy likes me too much, I feel there must be something wrong with him (or he wouldn’t like me so much). Having recognized this is an issue for me, I’m working on it, but still have a ways to go.

    Do any of the rest of you struggle with feeling like a fraud?



  44.  #44Renee on July 31, 2010 at 6:15 am

    Jennifer — is your geographic region pretty small on eHarmony? Opening it up some will definitely open your possibilities…

    But it sounds like you’re still grieving the loss of another relationship…do you feel like you’re ready to be open to someone new?



  45.  #45Renee on July 31, 2010 at 6:32 am

    Ok, this is really triggering me…this guy writes me on Match.com about how beautiful I am and how perfect I seem for him but that I live so far away (it’s one freakin hour!) I wrote him back that he seemed interesting and that the distance wasn’t a problem for me, but that if it was for him, I understood. Didn’t hear from him for several weeks and he just wrote me again saying basically that I am just the type of woman he needs but that he’s done the long distance thing before and he just “can’t handle it”. Well then why waste my frickin time emailing me? What is your frickin deal? To see if you can get a beautiful woman to even reply to you? Is it like the men who are in a contest to collect as many phone numbers as possible with no intention of calling you? Grrrr! He’s not really that interesting…he’s just someone I would have gone out with if I didn’t have anything better to do, and yet he’s too lazy to step up to the plate! I want to write:

    My role in life is not to convince people to want to go out with me — there are plenty of men who want to date me, some of whom live halfway across the country, and if you’re too lazy to deal with a 1-hour drive, you shouldn’t waste my time by emailing me!



  46.  #46Jessie on July 31, 2010 at 7:31 am

    TIna
    Let your mistakes become wonderful lessons to learn from! THe guy was a dud but wow do you have patience! You tried so hard to be nice and listen to his absolute stupidnesss….I tell anyone who tries to berate me…dump me if you have to talk this rude….that is the only lesson that you can get from this boy….he sucks. You tried your best but if anyone (No matter who) berates you or puts you down for one moment….run girl! How can you keep your self esteem if someone wants to convince you all the time you are no good????
    Lesson learned. He sucks. YOu are fine and more than kind and there is a great guy out there for you….in this case dont try to change yourself or him….find better!
    sending you alot of good energy (i had a five year marriage like your man and I learned alot! they suck and my new man absolutely NEVER berates me…he wouldnt dare! )

    Kisses tina….get a spa and take a rest !!!!



  47.  #47Judie on July 31, 2010 at 7:38 am

    I’m having a terrible time with the guy I’ve been with for a little over 4 months.
    I’m trying to practice ‘lean back’ allowing him to lead, to lean forward. I’m trying to stay out of ‘doing mode’ and convincing.
    The end result is last night he told me on the phone he has to reevaluate if he’s good for me and I for him right now, because he did something I said I felt badly about.
    As we talked it came out he feels unhappy that I don’t initiate more. I don’t initiate sex, he says sometimes I seem withdrawn.. (I’m not ‘leaning forward)’. He says he sometimes feels disconnected from me because of my not initiating sexually or reaching for him and initiating holding and kissing.
    I don’t know what to do about this, how to find the happy medium.
    Please help, this man is good looking, charming, highly intelligent and being a left handed guy, emotional and loving, giving and I want this to work for us both. He’s a good man.
    Judie



  48.  #48Renee on July 31, 2010 at 8:45 am

    Judie — I can understand a guy wanting a woman to initiate sex some of the time and I don’t know what Rori would say about that, but I do understand that it might feel bad to him to be the only one putting himself out there initiating sex.

    On the seeming withdrawn thing, it seems like maybe you have some work to do on opening your heart…I’m working on this as well, but my understanding of Rori’s teachings is that while you do lean back as far as initiating much activity in the relationship, you have to open your heart and use feeling messages so you all can become more emotionally bonded. How do you feel you’re doing with the “opening your heart” aspect?



  49.  #49Siena on July 31, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Lizzie, this is an odd question maybe, but … where do you get your lingerie?

    I notice when I go to places like Nordstrom, all the lingerie is functional and cotton or else the sexy stuff is all synthetic material (which I hate wearing. I hate how synthetic material feels against my skin!)

    I’ve been looking and looking for really high quality lingerie, but can’t find it (don’t know where to look I guess!)

    Suggestions?

    Thanks!



  50.  #50faubourg on July 31, 2010 at 9:32 am

    Lizzie,

    this is a very good idea, i have seen that on tv once and it was so sexy and beautiful!

    today i went out to buy some stuff : a nice creamy soap, some fresh icy menthol cream for my legs and feet, a nice strawberry like cream for my face, a facial,
    i went into a lingerie store with nice and sensual lingerie; I did not buy anything but i feel like sthg is coming back now, i saw myself in the mirror and i felt not me like it was now someone else and that the sleepy sexy woman in me was coming back to life;

    it is difficult for me i could not buy anything in the lingerie store today i just couldn’t but monday i think i will go back there and buy some.

    i also need to do some waxing and a spa too : get rid of the old skin!

    i like when you describe all that you have as lingerie, it should so much be what a real woman has!!! and you know what i love lingerie,

    i even looked at a lubricant in a shop, i thought well why not! it is a natural thing to look at,

    yes i want to bring back the natural and fun aspect of buying feminine stuff, i miss so much the feminine me! i wish she would knock at my door and i could open the door and hold her in my arms.

    kisses to everyone,



  51.  #51Renee on July 31, 2010 at 9:32 am

    Siena — I have quite a bit of nice lingerie too and I get most of mine on eBay. I only get the pieces that are new with tags of course, but you might be surprised at the selection you’ll find there.

    I wear an odd bra size — a 32dd — and I can virtually never find pretty bras in my size in stores. When I go to eBay, however, there’s tons of selection at great prices.



  52.  #52Siena on July 31, 2010 at 9:47 am

    Thanks Renee! Do you have any favorite brands?



  53.  #53Rori Raye on July 31, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Jennifer, who is the “core belief” lady?….and here’s my suggestion: Get out there. Go to meetup.com and get on some classes and hikes and walks and…whatever. Talk to people and practice the Tools until you feel good, strong, sexy and easy…try speed dating and singles groups. Take your laptop and do your email in coffee shops and parks instead of in your house. Live outdoors, like they do in New York city…go to classes and spiritual functions. Market at busy times of day. Just practice, until you are so easy with men and with being a girl…I know something will shift for you. (Oh – and keep up the online, too…make sure you have the BEST photo of you possible (I like this one…but it needs to be in color…)) Love, Rori



  54.  #54Rori Raye on July 31, 2010 at 11:09 am

    FEMENERGY – Seems to me you’re answering your own question. It doesn’t feel good to be exclusively involved with him. Talk to him in a heartfelt way and see how you feel. Love, Rori



  55.  #55Siena on July 31, 2010 at 11:17 am

    well, this feels good! Something clicked in me this morning – one more level of being a Siren.

    Rori has a post about Valentine’s day that sings to me. (here https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/)

    She says, “When the TRUTH is – Romance is our BIRTHRIGHT. Just because we’re women! It’s as though we have Romance printed on us. It’s in the cells of our beings, it’s why we’re the prize.”

    Reading that, I had an a-ha! moment. I AM the prize! And then it was reinforced by watching this http://www.sarrieri.com/News.htm (the video on that page).

    There’s NO WAY these women are hunting down men to date them or leaning forward at all. This fashion show to me invokes romance, juicyness, classiness, sexiness… all of the above to me. This fashion show is showcasing Sirens. You can see it in their eyes, in the way they carry themselves… to me, it’s so obvious.

    I’m gonna bookmark this fashion show, and the next time I feel at all compelled to lean forward or do ANYTHING un-Sireny, I’m gonna watch it and ask myself if these women would do that…



  56.  #56Jennifer on July 31, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Hey Rori.
    Core Belief Engineering is a process I went through in the spring to shift a belief that I had since the third grade that basically said “There’s something wrong with me…I’m not ok”
    I don’t have belief anymore and I was wondering if the process had brought any latent “picky bitch” tendencies I may have had. She says not so much.
    I am keeping up with the online thing. I don’t feel good contacting men first there so nothing much seems to be happening for me. Plus every time one does, he seems to be “wierd”. No job, menial job, no hobbies, one guy looks like a troll doll.
    There is no meet up.com in my area, Well there is but one is for moms and one is for business owners.
    I do take Judo on tues…the class is all women.
    So…I’ll just keep on keeping on.
    The laptop is not mine…mind blew up so I’m saving up for a new one…..
    I had a friend who did speed dating in my area….she said it was wierdo village.
    I’m moving this weekend so later when I get the new place sorted and staged so it looks sexy (I have a friend who does this) maybe I’ll feel more confident.
    Someone suggested I may still be grieving for my relationship with B. That may be right.



  57.  #57Jennifer on July 31, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Oh, and the pics I have were done professionally so I’m confident of them.



  58.  #58Renee on July 31, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Jennifer — I’m so impressed that you rid yourself of the belief that there was something innately wrong with you…my new therapist (I just started going) says he thinks I have that same belief and he’s planning to use cognitive behavioral therapy to help me stop thinking that way. I’m not sure whether I believe that or not, but I know I do have some unhealthy ways of thinking that aren’t doing me any favors. How long did it take you to rid yourself of that belief?

    Sienna — I like panache, Victoria’s Secret and le Mystere, but probably most of my stuff is Victoria’s Secret — I wait until I find a style I really like and then get it for 1/3 or 1/2 off!



  59.  #59Tina on July 31, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I woke up and everything made sense to me , I cant remember it all now but, I feel great, I feel safe.



  60.  #60Tina on July 31, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    This is what walking on eggshells means, usually I try and over function and say things to calm situations, am I abusing myself by walking on eggshells. I looked and felt stressed after walking on eggshells for one week, I cant imagine much longer than that. my marriage, I remember my sister telling me I looked angry all the time.



  61.  #61Tina on July 31, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    oh I love my feelings of walking on eggshells



  62.  #62Tina on July 31, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    I love my feelings of terror, I feel sad about that. I love my sadness. I love my none feeling , what ever htat feeling is. I love my feelings of anxiety. I feel my feelings of walking on eggshells in the pit of my stomach, like a feeling of excitment, not a good excitement like somthing bad is going to happen when I say this , more eggshells, terror and eggshells, I dont like scary movies ugh haha the first scary movie I ever say was a movie about birds, i cant watch it anymore



  63.  #63Tina on July 31, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    below my belly button, thats where I feel my feelings of terror, thats where my eggshells are, down, down into my vagina, my eggshells? lol



  64.  #64Tina on July 31, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    I feel like I went to eggshell bootcamp



  65.  #65Cecilia on July 31, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Rori,

    Regarding my need of feeling stronger “Standing up for myself” kind of speaches… I feel insecure about this, and I almost feel I start to studder these days, or i choose to be quiet; this totally opposite my personality and my earlier way of being. I´ve had many tough years, as you might understand, but am on the go again 🙂

    I´ve got your E-book: Have The Relationship You Want, Modern Siren, Reconnect Your Relationship, Toxic Men and Heart Connection Toolkit. I feel I would like to have one called “How to stand up for Yourself – and keep your man” Do you have any suggestion how I should think? or do you simply mean that the feeling messages will do it at every time?

    Thank you, Rori

    SummerRegards,

    Cecilia



  66.  #66Cecilia on July 31, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Rori,

    I´m sorry I wasn´t so specifik in this comment, cause I wrote on another side on your blog #125…

    and, I understand you can´t answer everyone of us! 😉

    Thank you, Rori

    SummerRegards,

    Cecilia



  67.  #67Tina on July 31, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    I feel angry for walking on eggshells, I love my feelings of anger. I feel stubborn and non compliant when I feel angry about walking on eggshells.



  68.  #68Tina on July 31, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    I will fight back tooth and nail, I love my feelings of stubborness. I feel exhausted , I feel challenged grrrr.



  69.  #69Lizzie on July 31, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    Siena and all fabulous sirens who love sexy stuff!

    I have always had a great love for Le Jaby – alas I am a “clam” and their lovelies just don’t work on my body. So I wear Lise Charmelle. This is what I do,

    In my city there are several speciality stores that carry every imaginable line of very well made lovelies and will make sure I buy the right size etc. etc. My “collection” includes some very sexy lacy items made of silk and some very sexy items made of cotton – I have Lise Charmelle in cotton! I could not believe it when I found it. So do a google in your city for ” lingerie – specialty by appointment only”. The totally awesome brands to check out – and all of these have websites:

    la Perla (Italian)
    Agent Provacateur (I think they are British but might be French – there is a store at Hethrow Airport and one in Las Vagas)
    Lise Charmelle – just the most awesome bras…I just did a google and I could get this on Ebay! and since I know my size…hmmmmm
    Marie Jo – racy sexy and really youthful stuff
    Simone Perle – French, exquisite and the most expensive of the lot
    La Vie En Rose – a big chain; has some very sexy stuff, more delicate and fun; won’t last as long as the very well engineered stuff yet a great place to start and very reasonably priced
    Victoria Secret – the best time to find their very sexy lines are at Christmas and Valentines day – very fun!! Again mass produced molded cup outfits that are very sexy but I haven’t found any sexy lacy stuff in cotton.

    The only cotton very sexy lacy stuff I have is Lise Charmelle – I happened to purchase these ones in Copenhagen but know that if this is what I want, my local supplier will bring it in for me. It is pricy, well worth it and I have built my wardrobe over a 6-year period. I buy one at a time, wait for a sale etc. etc. I started when I divorced LOL!! I just feel so wonderful in beautiful underwear.



  70.  #70Jennifer on July 31, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    Hi Renee….
    I used Core Belief Engineering…it took 6 hours.
    It was $100 / hour….but hell…I’ve been to therapists for months and never had that kind of turn around.



  71.  #71Jennifer on July 31, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    I feel more excited about the plum and wine and lilac coloured bedding that I found….than the idea of checking my online dating site……
    Geeze.



  72.  #72Tina on July 31, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Lizzie, I was just thinking I need new underwear, thank you.



  73.  #73Tina on July 31, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    I just recieved an email message from him, I immediately feel eggshells. ok so eggshellls is not a feeling…
    he says ‘do you want to talk for a couple of minutes” i havnt opened it yet but i am about too.



  74.  #74Tina on July 31, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Hi, would you like to talk for a couple of minutes? I do mean in a very good way. Can you please call me

    I dont feel like calling him , Im just starting to feel relaxed, I slept a few hours and ate something. Oh I noticed too that while I was at “therapy” that I need to add more fiber to my diet, which I havnt been doing.



  75.  #75Mermaid on July 31, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    I’m CDing……but one guy moves too fast. I feel worried that I’m not attracted to him. I enjoy talking with him.

    He is very attentive, which I enjoy if it’s from someone I’m attracted to.

    I feel myself withdrawing from him. HELP!

    He also mentions a lot how much he is attracted to me and he talks of sex a lot. I feel really uncomfortable when he talks about sex, I do not want to lead him on. I have said that I feel uncomfortable talking about it. He agrees and backs off for the remainder of the day, but then begins again.

    I feel worried. I want someone who lights a fire inside of me and makes my heart feel warm and happy.

    Any suggestions??



  76.  #76Tina on July 31, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    I am sorry about all the yelling and i can promise it won’t happen, could you please call me. I really need to talk to you

    he sent me this, just a few minutes later.



  77.  #77Tina on July 31, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    I want to feel warm and happy too, I dont want to feel like im putting on my boxing gloves.



  78.  #78Tina on July 31, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Ive made a conscience effort to eat better, over the past week. Today I ate grapefruits and cashews for snacks and spagetti carbonara with peas the frozen kind. Im looking up recipes to make at home.



  79.  #79Tina on July 31, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    This could explain the last ten pounds or so, Im trying to lose. I eat what I want when I want. Im going back to my exercise program as soon as I feel rested.

    Eggshell walking is not cool. abandonment and walking on eggshells is not cool. i will walk on eggshells, just dont abandon me? I know i have boundaries somewhere ugh whats the diff between a wall and a boundry.



  80.  #80Tina on July 31, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Omg! while I was on my “therapy” I saw a man in a shopping store, I was looking for sunglasses, mr. eggshells was of course hovering around, anyway, we met at the sunglass counter, he was looking at telescopes, the store was an outdoorsy store with kayaks,snowshoes and stuff, anyway, my jaw dropped, I wanted to stare at him and admire his bum and his muscles holycrap! anyway, I found my sunglasses, and went back to the truck and sat there with my feet out the door drinking my coffee and five minutes later he walks by, he gives me a smile and stares right at me through my sunglasses. all I could think was nice bum !



  81.  #81Tina on July 31, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    Truckmans new name is “mr. eggshells”



  82.  #82Tina on July 31, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I live in the middle of no where and there is way to many men out there , woohoo. also I wore a very sexy sundress, not to revealing and noticed to that while i was walking down the street that women were watching there mens faces as i passed by. im on my side damnit! I noticed the women were tight lipped and stressed looking when i pass.



  83.  #83Tina on July 31, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    this one man said that he was married for 13 yrs, I was think “so what do you want me to do , give you a kiss ” lol



  84.  #84Renee on July 31, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    Mermaid, I can totally understand the guy talking about sex so early, especially now that you’ve told him it bothers you…doesn’t sound like he’s respecting your boundaries.

    I’ve been a bad siren…I txted long distance guy when I got home from my platonic date with my guy pal…I just was thinking of him and wanted to hear from him…he just sent me a good night kiss in a text msg…kind of corny, I guess, but sweet. Guess I still have a soft spot for him even after he backed off after our last weekend together…I’m kind of blaming myself for letting myself worry about whether I’d hear from him after the last weekend when we slept together…I don’t think I’ll actually see him again, but it feels good to know he still thinks of me…



  85.  #85Renee on July 31, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Mermaid – what I meant was that I could understand your feelings about the guy talking about sex at this point…not that I could understand his wanting to do it.



  86.  #86Tina on July 31, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    Renee, lol at Bad Siren



  87.  #87Mermaid on July 31, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    Renee

    Thank you 🙂

    I know how you feel about long distance guy…don’t beat yourself up!



  88.  #88Tina on July 31, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    mr eggshells is still trying to contact me. I feel the eggshells coming back.



  89.  #89Tina on July 31, 2010 at 10:20 pm

    trigger, trigger he says he wants me to be more receptive, im thinking receptive of what, i feel triggered, i feel eggshells ok eggshells hello. dang I blocked and deleted him but he managed to get through my block and delete and leave an offline message, hhow is that possible?



  90.  #90Tina on July 31, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    mr eggshells keeps typing and saying stuff. he wants to “talk” i dont feel like talking and walking on eggshells. I dont like it, it feels awful.



  91.  #91Tina on July 31, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    Mr, eggshells wants me to be nice and be an adult aobut things. I feel eggshells , eggshells, trigger trigger, how long does this last anyway?



  92.  #92Tina on July 31, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    he keeps writing and typing, eggshells hello hellllllllllllloooooooooooooo eggshells,



  93.  #93Tina on July 31, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    Mr, eggshells says he has a “plan” lol WTF!



  94.  #94Tina on July 31, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    he has eggshell plans for Goddess Warrior Woman , i think he’s nuts.



  95.  #95Tina on July 31, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    I welcome you eggshell triggers, let’s be friends. Welcome to my home. My peaceful home, this is where I feel safe, come in.



  96.  #96Tina on July 31, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    No, hows this, live in eggshell house with eggshell plans, I sleep in an eggshell bed, I eat eggshells for breakfast dinner, I bathe in eggshells. I want to feel eggshells so they go away but eggshells dont go away, eggshells dont like happy, love, laughter, eggshells is there anything I can do to make you ahppy? oh right, your eggshells, eggshells are not happy, your right i cant do anything for you , you just spread your eggshells everywehre you go, cause you can, right?



  97.  #97Daria on July 31, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    there all getting closer ! ack!

    so whatsup if the date is going well but the man ends it first. or the phone conversation. then i feel kinda bad. i feel abandoned when people say goodbye, when cars pass me and i’ve made quick eye contact with the drivers, when phonecalls end

    i feel accepting of my abandonment trigger

    so i dont want to end it, just because i “should” right, i feel like im doing it for strategy, uhoh its been enuf time i better end it now so he doesnt end it, feels disconnected then,

    but if i wait then i feel abandoned

    i feel confused i love my feeligs

    i want to end it, but he ends it, i want to stay

    i feel like im overstaying at people’s house or company, they end it first oh no

    it feels scary



  98.  #98Tina on August 1, 2010 at 12:10 am

    My son broke a glass on the floor, when I was telling my mom about my trip. it smashed all over the floor, shards fo glass every where. Then my mom told me about her trip from hell with an old boyfriend from a long time ago, I still remember the guy, I couldnt stand him at all! I wanted to punch him in the face so many times, he is on my list of the most people I hate. actually he is the only one on my list. I stole 50 bucks or so off him once while he was passed out from drinking to much, i bought a cheeseburger and some pot, I cant remember what i did with the rest of the money.



  99.  #99Tina on August 1, 2010 at 12:21 am

    purposely smash all the eggs, yeah every effin egg i walk across i will smash. This feels stupid, i feel stupid why do i want to smash eggshells?



  100.  #100Lona on August 1, 2010 at 12:45 am

    I’m trying to figure out how to handle a situation that makes me feel bad, but when I script what I want to say it seems that I’m not addressing the issue. Usually I get straight to the point which I like but does not work for most people.. so I’m trying Rori’s way but I feel like I’m not saying what needs to be said. Here is the script I’ve come up with:

    I’m feeling concerned. I don’t want to be with a man who does not mean what he says. I want to be with a man that says what he means all the time. This allows me to place trust in his words. What do you think?

    Here is the situation I’m trying to address:
    I’m seeing a guy that is very guarded about his independence. i.e, cell phone, time, whereabouts.
    Every (I’m not embellishing) conversation we have is full of inconsistent stories.
    Each time I pick up on something he says that doesn’t add up I feel concerned, defensive and angry.

    I told him recently I felt like he had lied to me. He got very defensive and said that I’m looking for a lie because of “my” trust issues from a previous relationship. That he feels like he is always having to be so careful about what he says because I’m reading-into everything.

    I’m at a crossroad. Either I figure out an effective way to address this real concern or I walk.

    Part of me wonders if he’s right and I’m the one with an overly sensitive, subconscious problem. OR is he just a lier and I need to stop ignoring the red flags!!!



  101.  #101Tina on August 1, 2010 at 12:57 am

    I will not abandon myself 🙂 this feels scary kinda, mr, eggshells left a message on my phone blah! to leave more eggshells, I suppose?



  102.  #102FEMENERGYLOVE on August 1, 2010 at 1:10 am

    Thankyou Rori.you’re right it feels bad to be exclusive with him.i’ll speak from my heart.Mermaid feel just like you.i feel like saying could you back off already.and in this situation just like any other the more you lean the harder they come 🙂 Rori is so right about the leaning back 🙂



  103.  #103faubourg on August 1, 2010 at 2:13 am

    i realized yesterday that my feminity is sleeping, “she” got tired of waiting for me to love her and embrace her

    she is in the dark she is cold and sad

    she feels ignored neglected lonely

    i am now talking to her and apologizing to her
    i welcome her in my home tell she’s home now and i warm her up with a nice warm drink and a blanket and i listen to her



  104.  #104faubourg on August 1, 2010 at 2:22 am

    Daria,

    i feel the same as you, sometimes when someone leaves after a nice moment spent together either man or woman i feel abandoned; i look at the person with a sad face, (before i used to freeze this feeling or let it roll over in my stomach while i was pretending i was fine : see you later, bye bye with a great smile and inside of me i was feeling the void)

    i even expect people not to be there when i have a date or go and see a friend or mate

    if they are five mns late i feel that, hopefully i do not get mad at them i just smile and feel grateful they are here!

    what i do now is plan another meeting in my head before i see the person, like when i finish this get together i will ring someone or go to the grocery store buy some nice stuff to cook me a creative dinner or i will go to rori blog 🙂 or i will stay quiet in the park for a moment (i often have the same meeting point near a park)



  105.  #105faubourg on August 1, 2010 at 2:28 am

    … then I remember that i have a life too, interesting and full of my passions and i dive into it and i don’t feel abandoned anymore

    when i feel abandoned it is when i am in other people’s shoes i want to be them, in their lives, in their home, i want a home a family etc and why not their’s?!

    when i am in MY shoes i feel fine perfectly fine, i have a life and a home and i devote my time to create a family of mine (friends included) ; i feel grateful for all i have, for the person i am, for my qualities, for my flat, for my health, for my body, for my hair etc…



  106.  #106Renee on August 1, 2010 at 4:59 am

    Daria & Faubourg — I feel that way sometimes myself….I always prefer to end the conversation or the interaction or there’s a little part of me that feels abandoned. I’ve gotten better about that this past year, but I used to be really bad about it. I actually had a guy break up with me once because he said every time he left (it was a long distance relationship) he felt like he should be doing more and he just didn’t have time with his workload to do anymore…actually, the fact that he had latent homosexual tendencies probably had as much to do with the breakup as anything since he was only interested in sex when the moon was hanging just right in the sky and all the planets were properly aligned, but that was the reason he gave anyway. And he broke up with me in an email! What a frickin wuss!

    But there was some truth to what he was saying…that was a few years ago, before I got involved in my new career and I hated going back to my life when our weekends were over. It’s better now because I have work that I generally enjoy and I can dive into that when I need a distraction. I’ve also decided to start volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. I’m trying to “get a life” that’s more fulfilling…



  107.  #107Jennifer on August 1, 2010 at 5:51 am

    GAAAK
    Boooring.
    Emailing Back and forth on Eharmony with the guy I thought might have cancer…banker guy.
    Do I like spicy foods or mello?
    Take me out to dinner and find out!
    Booooo!
    How do I feeling message this?
    Obviously saying “I feel bored with emailing” is rude.
    Any suggestions from siren island?



  108.  #108Jennifer on August 1, 2010 at 6:06 am

    I’m a bad siren and yer alll gonna be mad at me.
    I creeped B on FB.
    He now has 16 whole friends.
    One of them is a woman who’s name I never heard in the “military training” stories.
    I think she’s the new woman..her stated location is not far from his base.
    And she’s waaaay not as attractive as me.
    OOO
    I’m not a nice person.
    She’s got bad teeth. And ORANGE hair in the pic.
    And the part that bugs me the most? HE ADDED HER TO FACEBOOK AND NOT ME OR HIS OWN SISTER!!!!
    FCK FCK FCK!!
    What an Ahole.
    I feel soooo angry! I feel furious! I feel like driving to his house and punching him in his nose. I can do it too….I’m good a throwing elbows a la judo.
    Its my own fault..I’m the one that creeped.
    Frig.
    I’m a nut case
    I feel like a stage 10 clinger.
    I feel like a stalker
    I feel bad and mad and icky
    I feel nasty
    I feel like punching something.



  109.  #109Jennifer on August 1, 2010 at 6:15 am

    OOO
    Black hole feelings.
    I feel mad at me.
    I feel like a lewser.
    I feel like a freak..no wonder men avoid me! I’m a nutjob!!!!!!
    I’m a clinger…STAGE 10!!!
    I’m an insecure mess in a dress….
    ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!



  110.  #110Renee on August 1, 2010 at 6:25 am

    Jennifer — I understand how you feel…I sometimes creep a guy I dated this spring on FB and I feel like a stalker when I do that…but this guy obviously wasn’t going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, so it would be better for you if you could move on. You deserve a man who loves you in your entirety, and the fact that B didn’t even add his sister on FB makes me wonder if he’s using FB more as a dating tool than a tool to stay in touch with old pals, you know?

    I don’t know if this will help or not, but if this girl is really unattractive as you say, maybe it would help you feel better to realize that even unattractive people can find love if they have the right attitude — it’s the attitude that men find so attractive, not just the package. So next time you start feeling down on yourself, thinking you’re not as good or pretty as someone who seems to be having more success in dating, just remind yourself that you’ve seen first-hand that women who are less attractive than you can have success in love as long as they love themselves!

    I really feel hopeful for you with your eHarmony dating — I go through spurts where it seems like I have no good matches for months, and the next thing you know, I’ve got 5 matches I’m in open communication with, all of whom I will likely go out with (like right now) but I do think it’s something you just have to give some time to and not necessarily expect things to happen as quickly as they do when you meet someone in person to date.

    And I wouldn’t be too hard on the guy who’s asking you questions right now — some of the men who do online dating are a little shy and he may very well be intimidated by you, so he’s probably just warming up to you right now. If you have no expectations and just try to enjoy the experience of getting to know him, you might like it more. Can you ask him some really fun/interesting questions that would make it more fun for you?

    I like to ask people if they could come back to life as another person for a month, who would they be? Or (other than the birth of their children), what’s been the best day of their life so far or the most joyful they’ve ever felt. Just a few ideas…I really hope you don’t give up on eH just because it’s a little slow for you right now….

    Hugs!



  111.  #111Renee on August 1, 2010 at 6:27 am

    And it’s possible that you just have a lot of work to do on yourself before you’re ready to meet “Mr. Right”, so you’re being presented with people who all have something to teach you — what do you think?



  112.  #112Ankita on August 1, 2010 at 8:14 am

    Aaahhh

    2 days ago, i went on a river date with Vishal, and we went so close that we ended up giving orals to each other…

    I feel triggered.. I feel freaked out……

    All the negative voices are kickin’ in back in my mind…

    I am afraid I’ll turn needy, possessive and jealous…

    Already I’m feeling jealous coz there’s a girl who chats with him everyday,and belongs to his hometown.. (He’s in kolkata just for study, and it’s my hometown.)

    They ridicule and make fun of each other, I feel jealous of that…. I don’t like her….

    Though we never make fun of each other, we tease each other. I do try to appreciate him really well.

    I don’t wanna my last negative patterns to repeat itself…

    I just wanna shout at the negative voices ringing in my head to shut down……

    PLEASE SHUT UP NEGATIVE VOICES……. 🙁



  113.  #113Candy on August 1, 2010 at 8:35 am

    Jennifer, I can totally relate to your feeling about following the FB of a guy I am interested in. I did not feel good. I felt that he is more important than myself. I felt that I cannot trust him because whenever I turn away, he would date someone else. I felt controlling. I felt losing myself. I felt tired.

    On one hand, try to remember that you can CD and you do not care if he is also exploring something else because you ARE the TARGET, not him. (and if it is meant to be, he will come back after an educated decision) Honestly, I learnt from my last experience that whenever I need to follow a guy’s FB, it is not a very promising sign. Because my energy is going to him whereas it should be the other way round. So, either something up with him or I am not trueful enough to my practice. Real stuff works the other way round, ie he would follow my FB, google me and looking up for me.

    Actually, I am experiencing something like it now. I enjoy the attention and the guy’s desire to capture me. He even told me frankly that he googled me and check everything about me, e.g. what does INFJ mean, something I told him. I feel so much attention. I just lean back, text back less than he text him. But open my heart and enjoy when he chat. I am just back from the first dinner date with him. He booked the place, waited for me, paid and sent me home, everything. So much better than the guy I had recently quitted (a toixc and dishonest man). The sad thing is, I think I can communicate so well intellectually and emotionally with this new CD man, but I am not attracted to him physically. He is 15 years older than me, well beyond my expected limit. But his online profile is so genuine and with a rare depth that I thought I should give it a try. We even chatted on phone for 3 hours yesterday. But when I met him in person today, I just do not feel the sexual attraction. We still chat quite happily. I felt a bit pity. Only if he is 10 years younger.

    I don’t know. I am still trying to figure what messages I am getting from him and obviously what to do with him. Go out a date or two more just to keep my schedule interesting? I told him I am still open to meeting other guys. Or to tell him directly what I feel? What would you, our divas, advise? Thanks.



  114.  #114Lizzie on August 1, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Jennifer – go to “fast track” on e-harmony; don’t do that stupid back and forth. I have it from guys that they dislike e-harmony for that reason and the good ones will do the fast track with you. I have also heard that there is a 2-1 ratio of female to male on e-harmony; apparently it suits the female communication style. Go figgure. I hate that site. I just joined onto OKCupid. I have been hit on by 10 men looking to add me to their polyamourous relationship. Like WTF????!!!! I am off to CD a guy from there today for coffee.

    Tina – for heaven sake and the sake of your health, please see this guy is as toxic as they get. Please block him and never have contact with him again. Eggshells, shards of glass….bad news. I am looking out for you! You, please look out for you!!!



  115.  #115Jennifer on August 1, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Renee…I WISH I could be that generous.
    I just sit here thinking…….Wow…did you ever move down in the world pal!
    I also feel kinda bad for her. I know that the package of this guy looks good on the outside.
    Resonable looking guy who’s an officer in the military, plays music with his family etc.
    The truth is buried deeper and is dark and nasty.
    He lies, like all the time. He’s stingy. Like cheap. He’s addicted to his mamma
    He has few friends.
    He has a porn problem
    The list goes on.
    I know what it’s like to be excited about the possiblities that it looks like he represents…and then be dissapointed so badly.



  116.  #116Renee on August 1, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    Jennifer — It definitely sounds like this guy isn’t worth your time at all. And about the “fast track” thing on eHarmony — if you like that better, I suspect a lot of men do as well, so maybe that will help you enjoy your experience there a little more.

    Best of luck to you!



  117.  #117Mai on August 1, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    im in a toxic marriage. we were together for 5 years, and married a year now. We have a beautiful 10 month baby girl. i found out that he cheated on me when i was 3 months pregnant..but we got married thinking that we loved each other and that it was the right thing to do.

    For the last 6 months he has been telling me that he isn’t attracted to me anymore and that he does not enjoy our sex. Recently he said that he is no longer in love with me and that I do not make him happy. He added that he doesn’t know how we ended up together but the only reason behind it was to have a baby.

    He told me the reason why he doesn’t like doing things together is because I annoy him and that all he wants to do is get a million miles away from me.

    So with all these insults flying around at me, i feel so unworthy of love and feel that there is something wrong with me. I cant think properly or construe sentences when I am around him or when i have allowed him to trigger me.

    Im finding it had to love myself. I focus on him even when i know i should be thinking about myself and loving myself to the max.

    I do not think he has ever loved me, i know he does not even love himself. Yesterday he told me that he projects all his fears and insecurities on me.

    He is the only man i have had sex with. Perhaps that is why i am feeling like this.

    I want to be in a place where even if he is in my life, he can NEVER EVER trigger me..

    For instance, just half hour ago, he told me he is going out to see his friend and that he’s taking our baby girl so i can have some free time…

    I just thought right he wants to get away from me, he hates being with me, so theres something wrong with me.

    How do i never get triggered…? i don’t want to be love sick for this man anymore..i want to love myself..

    i get triggered when i see his car, his body, his face, when his phone rings..heck i get triggered when i see an attractive woman on the street or on T.V.

    when i get triggered i find myself in a dark place, i feel like everything is impossible , i feel ugly, i feel weak… how am i supposed to love these feelings?

    I know i need to work on myself, and im trying hard.. i think i gotta meet new people and make friends because i am in a new city. But my self confidence has shattered sooo much i dont know how to have a flowing happy conversation with people. i feel paranoid that they are judging me and sometimes my words come out funny..its so embarrassing..

    Im in my twenties and have big dreams of starting my own company which im working on..however i feel like im not going to be the best woman i can be having this man in my life…

    Please advice..x



  118.  #118Jennifer on August 1, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Hey guys…B is my ex.
    We were together for 6 years. I wish it was just a dude I was seeing.
    I left him.
    And I’m creeping him. How pathetic is that?
    I’ll tell you.
    Super pathetic.
    Like fer real.
    I don’t wanna play with men anymore.
    I suck at it.
    And I don’t get what I want.
    I feel like staying in my house reading romance novels for the rest of my silly little life.
    I’m gonna be the dog lady
    Cause I’m allergic to cats.
    So dogs it is.



  119.  #119Soignée on August 1, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Rori, it works for me. It is a while that I take a great care of me.
    I work at a luxury place and I get a grey uniform, with a white shirt. In this summer, I leave only one bottom the last one closed, others are open, so I have a lot of white outside. The people constantly make me compliments: Your uniform is nice.

    My boss likes my glasses: Your glasses are nice. Other people: Your earrings are beautiful.
    I have a lemon green pair of glasses, I have sparkling earrings(on my left ear 2 small and a big one, every time colourful, I have a peony-like ring on my hand with coral-red nails.
    I have a red lipstick, I smile and I have a red big smile on my face!!
    I get every every day compliments.

    I stood in line to buy an ice-cream. An American Mom told her small 5 years old children about the ice-cream. The boy of 5 years looked at me and said about me”She is a sexy lady”. Everybody around us looked at me and started to laugh, I got red, but the boy made my day. I was in a white trousers and a lemon yellow shirt, I had a great perfume, colourful earrings. I went to a restaurant and wore a simple long shirt withous sleeves, a coral red, a pair of jeans and a pair of high-heeled shoes and a coral red glossy lipstick.
    You can not imagine how many compliments I got from everyone. 3 guys on byke turned around to see me, at once three at a time. A lady wanting to through away a rubbish box stopped and said me” Girl you are so beuatiful, please do not give yourself away. You are so beautiful.”

    I feel a COLOURFUL SPARKLING SMILING SUMMMER GODDESS!!!! I feel happy without reason. Only because I love my colourful version!!!

    And I share happiness to the world. We had guests and a Swedish lady had her 45 birthday. We sent her in the room a bottle of champagne. I bought her for my money (because she was so nice) a fruit birthday cake. She came with her husband back from a trip and she cried, she did not expect anything like this.
    They had a rest. But I ordered for them, just in case a great restaurant (on Sundays it is always full, there are no places if not ordered early in afternoon), one of the most spectacular and with the most amazing view, one of a dream places. I thought if they don’t want to go there, I will cancel. They did not know about it.
    After their rest, I said if they confirm this restaurant, or if they prefer to go to another place. They wanted to go there.

    After a while the restaurant called me. The maitres said, they were satisfied and she-the birthday lady was crying- her husband wanted to talk to me. He was excited: “I have travelled around the world, but this is one of the most spectacular places I have ever seen. Thank you so much, You made my wife’s birthday special.”

    I got red, I got happy, I was excited, and could not be concentrated on other things. Their happiness made my day.

    I am bathing in love, happiness. I want to give happiness to the world!!!!

    I want more colourful goddesses around me!!!!!

    I do not want anymore boring old colours, I want only white, yellow, if black but with red, pink, lemon green.

    I want to be a red nailed, high-heeled, smiling Siren.
    I want more spark, more beauty in the world!! O my God, I need a great occasion to wear my sparkling golden top-shirt with golden high-heels and maybe a pair of jeans!!!
    I do not want to be a boring lady, I want to be the most colourful version of myself.

    I want a colourful, happy smiling world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11



  120.  #120dorothea on August 2, 2010 at 8:46 am

    “I stole 50 bucks or so off him once while he was passed out from drinking to much, i bought a cheeseburger and some pot, I cant remember what i did with the rest of the money.”

    this made my day!



  121.  #121Rachel 65 on August 2, 2010 at 9:25 am

    I’ve been divorced for 4 1/2 yrs. I wasn’t interested in dating for the first 2 yrs afterwards. I simply needed to get to know me again. Get to know who I was before I got married & had kids. I had to learn to like myself again & get past all the verbal & mental abuse from my ex. I feel I have done well. I’m not a bad person. So why can’t I hold onto a guy? I haven’t dated very much, but the ones I have dated were not long lasting & none of them speak to me anymore. What is the problem? What am I doing wrong? Why is this dating thing so hard? I know I am very picky…I won’t just date someone just to have someone to date. I must first in some way be physically attracted to him before he could even spark my interest. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.



  122.  #122Brenda on August 2, 2010 at 11:46 am

    I want to go to an island for real. I want to rent a beach house and just relax and forget everything.



  123.  #123Melany on August 2, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    Rori,

    I do understand and can relate to what you are saying about loving yourself and self acceptance.

    I have a problem with acne. It has always been a problem. I have been to dermatologists, used many medications including popular ones such as Proactive and they worked for awhile and then the situation worsen. I am on the brink of given up hope. I rarely use makeup as they sometimes cause flare ups.

    When I am around men whom I am dating I can’t help feeling tense especially when the person is staring me in the face. I am wondering is he seeing me or his mind is caught up wondering why a grown woman face be covered with acne.

    Because of this awareness the question pops out ‘why are you staring? ‘Or I would feel so uncomfortable that I would say ‘I disliked being stared at’. Then the situation may feel more weird as the person get thrown off by my comment.

    How can this hurdle be jumped? Because while I am accepting that this may just be a flaw I have to accept until(..I don’t know) I am uncertain that men will accept and feel comfortable dealing with it especially on first dates/blind dates.



  124.  #124Soignée on August 3, 2010 at 12:19 am

    Dear Melany,

    a friend of mine had the same problem for a long time. She had on her face a terrible acne. After not have seen her for a while, maybe for a year, she had a great skin. Why? She changed the diet.
    I do not your problem, but maybe it can be the same?



  125.  #125dorothea on August 3, 2010 at 12:46 am

    melany, i have the same problem. daria once told me to play in my head like i am displaying one of my best qualities. it helped soooo much.



  126.  #126dorothea on August 3, 2010 at 12:52 am

    it was “one of my most attractive qualities”



  127.  #127Renee on August 3, 2010 at 9:02 am

    Melany — Have you tried Bare Escentuals mineral make up? I wear nothing but that now and my break-outs have disappeared! I used to break out fairly often because I have a bad habit of falling asleep with my makeup on and when I’d wake up, I’d be broken out.

    Ever since I started wearing Bare Escentuals, I’ve had maybe 2 pimples in the last 6 months — seriously! I have bad melasma (brownish patches on my face) so I understand what it’s like to feel unattractive without makeup on. I would definitely try it — you’ve got nothing to lose.



  128.  #128Brenda on August 3, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Melany, RE: #118…I highly recommend “natural hygiene”!

    I read “Fit for Life” and its sequel, “Living Health”, by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond, and they are my nutrition bibles. I listen to other health experts, too, but let me tell you something deep that I experienced!

    I ate about 70-80% of my intake in fruits and vegetables, and in the first week or two, my whole face spontaneously peeled! I didn’t use anything on my face but Oil of Olay liquid soap at that time (in the 80s).

    After that, my complexion became almost translucent! What happens when you eat foods high in water content, namely, fruits and vegetables, your body cleanses from the inside out, at the cell level! My skin was flawless, and strangers would ask me on the street what I use on my face! I told them nothing! I eat mostly fruits and vegetables!

    The effect was that I was well-hydrated and cleansed of toxins and impurities. I will also mention, during the time I was losing weight and detoxifying (from processed foods, sugar, etc), I got a huge boil on my back for about 2 months. It was very painful, and it grew bigger and bigger. It hurt when people hugged me or patted me on the back.

    Finally one day, it burst, and loads and loads of puss-like stuff came out of it. I know this is gross to describe, but it shows you how real this cleansing process is!

    I never felt more energetic in my life! Little by little, I am returning to that way of eating to lose weight and regain my health!

    Don’t take my word for it…try it! And be surprised! I almost guarantee you it will end the acne!



  129.  #129Brenda on August 3, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Melany,

    Also, I meant to mention, I tend to get really self-conscious and uncomfortable when people stare at me, too. About 13 years ago, I told that to a boyfriend. He said, “People are looking at you because you’re so pretty! Next time someone stares at you, instead of saying something nasty to them, just say, ‘Why are you staring at me? Because I’m so pretty?'”

    Just as an exercise to break myself out of my comfort zone, I actually did what he suggested a couple of times! It was funny to see people’s reactions, because they didn’t expect that!

    One man started laughing, and then he said, “Yeah, that’s right!” A couple of people just looked shocked!

    After that, I didn’t feel as ill-at-ease, and I was able to just laugh inside, thinking about what my boyfriend had told me. Now when people stare at me, unless they look really hostile, I just smile.

    🙂



  130.  #130Brenda on August 3, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Renee, you said, “I have bad melasma (brownish patches on my face)”

    I haven’t tried it yet, but just this morning on the radio, I heard a product guaranteed to get rid of that:

    Hydrofade



  131.  #131tinque on August 3, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    I don’t want to be a doomsayer, but melasma is a tough one. I would run the other way if someone is guaranteeing it elimination.
    There are many things to try, strong peels though I would stay with the natural, glycolic and/or saliycilic acid. IPL photo facials, lasers. None of these seems to work all that well.
    The fade creams are containing hydriquinone I find ineffective as are the ones with kojic acid.
    There is a cream I found that contains three or four, maybe it’s more, natural fading ingredients, kojic acid is on of them, and this I found to be somewhat effective. It probably won’t eliminate your patches, but will lighten them, maybe considerably. It is working well on my sun spots/freckles, the first thing I have ever used to have any effect at all.
    Renee, if you are interested, I can send you the link. It’s not expensive.
    xxoo



  132.  #132faubourg on August 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    i have changed my diet and i am much lighter and my skin is nicer, i find that chrono nutrition is good for me even though i do not do it perfectly yet, what i do is not eat when i am not hungry and it feels good (that’s not the chrono nutrition)
    the chrono nutrition says to eat fats in the morning (good ones) a good lunch at lunch time with pastasveggies and meat (for ex) and no desert and at 5 pm some fruit, dried fruits, nuts, dark chocolate and in the evening vegetables and fish or sea food and no desert, it really has had an effect on my figure and on my skin, and my food is creative and various so no frustration
    i am starting to get away from bread (i may do my own) and sugar but i am starting slowly to not feel frustrated and to make it a natural process instead i am starting to switch to healthy syrups (agave, maple, honey)



  133.  #133Brenda on August 3, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    faubourg, that sounds wonderful! I especially like the part about dark chocolate! 😛



  134.  #134faubourg on August 3, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    :-)) yes it is nice,

    oh i forgot that you can also eat anything you want twice a week! that’s nice!



  135.  #135Brenda on August 3, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Oh, cheesecake, here I come!!!! 🙂



  136.  #136faubourg on August 3, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    but i need to get back to the gym, will do in september i am exhausted i need some holidays first!

    and then i will be a lady!

    by the way i am 38! (you asked previously)

    i love cheesecake too yummy!!



  137.  #137Linda G on August 3, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    Dear Rori, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted, but I did speak with you on the group coaching session by phone.

    I am so stuck. Every man makes me feel “ick”.

    I even lost out on a job I desparately wanted because I could not warmly relate to the kids in the class I demo’d for (I’m a new art teacher, my third career)

    I tried to go out for other jobs, like I tried to go out with more than one man, so I am not dependent on any one job or man to meet my needs, so to speak.

    I have become stone cold. It feels awful and isolating.



  138.  #138Melany on August 3, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    Thanks guys. I really do appreciate the suggestions.

    @ Brenda I am going to try and stick to your suggestion. I have been working on diet. I am no fan of vegetables but I do eat fruits and I drink plenty of water. Where I live it is hot all year round I am forced to drink the natural liquid. I have cut processed food especially when they are white such as rice, flour drastically. I have replaced sweeteners with honey. I guess maybe the other nutrients found in fruits and vegetables contributes to healthy looking skin.
    @ Renae hopefully I can access the product what you recommend where I live.



  139.  #139tinque on August 4, 2010 at 6:05 am

    Melany – Bare Escentuals is available at all Sephora outlets. If there is not one nearby, it’s online: http://www.sephora.com.
    I love their powder as well, and I’m on the other end of this spectrum, dryer skin. It never dries me out or settles into lines that weren’t there in the first place which is a common complaint from women with my kind of skin and effects of mineral powders.
    xxoo



  140.  #140Rori Raye on August 4, 2010 at 9:51 am

    Cecilia, use the workbooks in the programs – the ebook will require you to WRITE out what to say in the most common situations. I’ll be doing a new program in the fall for release early next year – all SCRIPTING — so I know that will help. Love, Rori



  141.  #141Rori Raye on August 4, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Lona, Welcome – and bottom line – I do not wish for you to be exclusively involved with any man short of marriage. And I need to help you tweak your feeling messages so you’re not accusing him, and creating safety instead. I’m going to jump off here and make a post..Love, Rori



  142.  #142Rori Raye on August 4, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Mai – Welcome, and thank you for your powerful question. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation – and yet -I want you to feel good. You are young. You will ALWAYS be triggered – make peace with that! Get my ebook right now, write in the workbook – really do the exercises in each chapter, learn to use Feeling Messages, stick to the 4 Rules. That should create some safety in the relationship for both of you – and give you some emotional space to heal yourself. Everyone here will help you beef yourself up. If you can, find a CODA group, a self-esteem or assertiveness training class for women, a goddess group, a pole dancing class – anything that will give you support for yourself. I know you think this man is all there is – and it’s not true. If you are not well matched, that’s the way it is, and I want you to focus 1000% on your child. Forget about everything else but your mission to create a safe and loving environment for your baby. Eat better – NO SUGAR, LOW, LOW CARBS – lots of protein and fat! Read and look at inspiring things. Right now – your work and dreams of your own business are where you need to focus. oops – writing and writing – going to turn this into a post….Love, Rori



  143.  #143Rori Raye on August 4, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Rachel – I’m going to turn this into a post…for now – it’s about numbers of men to practice on and with. Your subconscious is running you – attracting you to and attracting men who are wrong for you. In order to turn that around – you have to Circular Date. It’s Free Therapy – Forget about finding Mr. Right – focus on healing whatever’s going on inside you by interacting constantly with my Tools with every man you can get yourself in front of – the quality of men will improve if you do this methodically – and then you’ll understand how this works. Love, Rori



  144.  #144Mai on August 4, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Rori

    Thank you. it’s wonderful to have shared my story with you. i got goosebumps just then! i have, not less than 2 mins ago got your ebook. i will read it tonight and do my best to apply everything.

    Soignée put a big smile on my face when she was chatting about her bright sparkling clothes and her generous gift to a woman she barely met! Wow wish we could all get together one day ..imagine that 🙂



  145.  #145Cecilia on August 4, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Hi Rori!
    A new program in the fall for release early next year – all SCRIPTING. Wow! I look forward to that!

    Thank you so much for being here and for responding!

    SummerRegards,

    Cecilia



  146.  #146Soignée on August 5, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Mai,
    it would be soooooooo nice to meet you one day!!!
    I described my recent attitude to find more beauty.
    I noticed that what gives me emotion is beauty. So I am looking for it all around me. I want a beautiful home, I want beautiful cloths, I want beautiful objects around me. This gives me positive, warm feelings and emotions. So I improve my mood around me. It helps, it gives me more pleasure.

    I remember a friend of mine who told me about her brother’s visit to Thailand. He told that he was there and saw the beautiful transvestit guys who wanted to look like ladies. He said that they made everything to please to men and the normal women from everyday life should learn from them: they are colourful. Because the men like nice appearance and are attracted to ladies who take care of themselves and who are bright, sparkling, colourful.I was always for a good aesthetic, but I do agree: if I see people around me with colourful cloths, with colours, I enjoy.
    So I experienced to throw away all of my old cloths without spark: I bought (really not expensive) nice T-shirts, nice cloths, but everything beautiful, colourful, and I added some spark: earrings, glossy bright lipsticks, eyshadows, colourful nails. And I changed inside. I can see that I am more noticed, I am more visible and I get more compliments from the world. because of colours!!! My world is getting more colourful because I put more colours in it. My world responds me with more colours!!!
    I read an article also by a psychologist. She told that the men also do not leave homes when they find there cosiness, beauty. So I will definitely have a better home. I will have the same sparkling home like my cloths.



  147.  #147faubourg on August 5, 2010 at 11:25 am

    oh my god soignée it is so true,
    i bought a fuchsia tee shirt the other day i got so many compliments it was mad!

    i said it is a tee shirt that’s all

    another day it was a plain blue tee shirt same reaction, not the same people

    it made me smile and i thought “it is that simple!”

    i worked with a counselor for image and she advised the best colours for my skin tone and it works amazingly well!



  148.  #148Brenda on August 5, 2010 at 11:59 am

    Soignee, that’s beautiful! I like to wear somewhat lowcut colored tank tops under matching, see-through blouses. I also like to wear an open 3/4 length jacket or sweater (down to my knees or so) over a shirt. And I’ve been told a man likes to see a woman in a dress!



  149.  #149Soignée on August 7, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Dear Faubourg, Dear Brenda!!

    It is true. I remember an article about a prostitute who told that to please men, to attract them, you have to be a WOMAN!! Skirts, dresses, these are women cloths!! It attracts men, because of differences.
    The men are attracted to a womanly woman, not to a “men” whoman. Every difference what is different from a man, it is intriguing for men, it is attractive. If the men talk in a fast rude way, they are attracted to a SOFT, SLOW voice of the woman. They pay attention to differences a woman has.
    They have rude talks, so the woman- the dream girl- can not talk in a rude way. Every womanly difference makes the woman more desirable in the eyes of a man. I noticed that in my own experience.

    And in the men’s world, the woman is different from men. So about cloths, the woman is more noticed and attractive with a skirt or a dress even better, not trousers. I was asked many many times to wear dresses or skirts for dates.

    I am sure EVERY woman who wants to improve the degree of desirability at once, if she wants to be noticed, she can wear colourful dresses, great make-up, some spark, high heels.

    And the men are excited about great woman looks. It is ok, they can be in love with a woman without too much spark, but they will be always attracted to a sparkling lady. And what is most important, in my opinion, even the ladies , even if they are elderly, can be women and look younger in more colourful cloths.
    It is so simple.

    The men are very attracted to women who are like princess.



  150.  #150Soignée on August 7, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Dear Ladies, what I noticed too about the men.
    A colleague of mine told me to have broken with a good man. Why? Because he got jelous about her past.
    He asked sometimes about her past experience with other men, and also about sexual experience. And after she told something he got jelous and she was not a dream woman for him anymore.
    So the lesson is: do not talk about your experience with other men, especially sexual experience. it kills attraction!!!!



  151.  #151Mai on August 7, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Darling Soignée

    What if a guy is too immature/ jealous to have a loving relationship because he lets his insecurities determine how he views and interacts with women?

    Maybe guys like that should be avoided at all costs.. hmm they should accept you for who you are..

    Plus i think that sexual history shouldn’t really be discussed with a man..he shouldn’t even be asking. The past is none of his business! So on that note I do think you are right there..

    By the way, you have motivated me soooo much! i have bought a beautiful pair of earrings – here is a picture…… http://www.asos.com/Asos/Asos-Peacock-And-Rhinestone-Drop-Earrings/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=1066910&cid=4175&Rf900=1468&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=200&sort=-1&clr=Green

    i looked at my wardrobe and its all filled with dark coloured clothes! However, when i was aged 16- 19 i remember wearing bright colours and lots of jewellery.. those were my happiest times! So you are absolutely bang on when you say that the clothes you wear really effect your mood….

    Soon as i can get some cash i’m going on a shopping spree to buy bright clothes… pinks, yellows, blues ah mmmmmm !

    maybe we could meet! i am in the UK… i get the feeling that you are a million miles away! xx



  152.  #152Mai on August 7, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    i have just finished reading the ebook.. i feel relaxed.. it feels good to make comments here.. if theres one thing im taking from the ebook- it would be that i’m just going to listen to my heart, my feelings my guts every day for the rest of my life.. hmm then im thinking how do you know when to trust the feelings…do we just trust it anyway and see where it takes you? some of these feelings are based on insecurities and lies.. so we ignore that and search deeper inside? Yep i got it 😉



  153.  #153Tmizz on August 8, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Going back to the original post – I think it’s a good idea. And I like to remember to think about all the times I DO take care of myself. Because there are quite a lot of ways I do this (even if I don’t feel “lovable” all of the time).

    Anyway, but my question is this: what if I do this, and I think to myself, okay, I need to open myself up to the *possibility* of being loved/liked, and maybe by a particular person, or maybe just in general. And then practice letting love in, bit by bit. But what if it happens that I “allow” myself to be liked or loved by a person who is really just not good for me? How can I cut through that confusing haze of, “Does it feel wrong because it feels ‘wrong’ to be liked, or does it feel wrong because I really just don’t want to be seeing this person, and I can’t bring myself to even admit it?” – perhaps for fear of hurting the person/letting them down, etc. And then, eventually becoming hurt or let down by them, and feeling like “I knew better.”

    It seems the answer is probably pretty straightforward – Circular Date, date yourself, and generally make yourself happy so that the right person will be the spaghetti that sticks to the wall, so to speak. But meanwhile, ’till I get there…how do I know??

    Thoughts, ideas, suggestions?



  154.  #154faubourg on August 9, 2010 at 1:53 am

    Tmizz,
    i like your question and your post,
    Rori said something which might answer your question : it is not how wonderful he is or you think he is that matters. It is how YOU FEEL IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM that is important : happy, respected, free to be yourself, etc
    if you feel unhappy in the relationship well you will have your answer,



  155.  #155sugahbabie on August 16, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    It has only been a year and a half and he has cheated. I’m not feeling the same way. He started acting different about 2 months ago. We are trying to get back to the way we used to be but I’m not getting there. I let him have his space and I have mine in the relationship but now im so insecure and jealous because he cheated that I cant seem to get past it. I don’t know what to do.



  156.  #156Rori Raye on August 16, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    sugahbabie – if a man isn’t ready for monogamy, he isn’t. You can’t change that overnight. The only solution is to Circular Date and not get exclusive with any man who isn’t ready to be monogamous. It’s hard for a man to give up his freedom – and finding a man who’s experienced enough and mature enough to stay with one woman even after the exciting first part of a relationship has changed…there are plenty of men like that…you just have to get yourself where they are, and get used to what a good, mature man feels and looks like, and I would not stay with any man who lied to me and makes me feel bad – not after a year and a half…perhaps after 20 years of marriage I’d consider working on it…but not here before it’s even begun…Love, Rori



  157.  #157Angel on November 16, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    How can you love yourself if you are currently unemployed?



  158.  #158Tmizz on November 19, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    @Angel –

    You totally can! Not only that, you should! But not in the sense that if you don’t, you should feel bad about it. Think of it as opportunity. Since now you can love yourself apart from your work, apart from what you *do.* This is what Rori’s stuff is all about. Loving yourself is about being comfortable just being, without needing to “do” something to validate that. You are who you are, unemployed or not.

    You also have time now to really think about who you are, and come to appreciate that. You can even re-evaluate to see what kind of a job you want next. (As an added bonus, loving yourself now – while you’re unemployed – will make you more appealing to a potential employer the same way it will make you more appealing to a potential mate. People sense and respond to your “vibe.”) So loving yourself is a great practice, no matter what.

    Don’t give up!