Toxic People, Assertiveness Training, And Bullies And Doormats

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For everyone/anyone who’s troubled with how to respond to outright meanness, bullying….

It’s easy to see “vulnerability” as “that hurts” – and the experience of crying…

The side that’s tender.

How about this other side: – I feel so frustrated – I feel rage and I feel like slamming you into a wall… I’m feeling walking away… it doesn’t feel good to be here… it doesn’t feel good to hear that…and I don’t want to…stay, listen, hear, take, experience this… I’m feeling mean…

Those are feeling messages, too.

Feminine energy is POWER! It’s NOT ‘weakness.” As soon as you can have an experience of that – you’ll see where we’re going, here.

Feminine energy does Not ‘tolerate poor treatment.”

Dealing with a bully is a long-honored martial art. Hardly the stuff of pantywaists. Martial arts is about using the weight and force of the “mean, violent energy being thrust at you” and turning it into something else, where that energy is literally “disabled.”

Becoming a bully yourself is something ALL of us women feel drawn to, put into practice sometimes, just because it feels SO good and powerful! It’s like the movies where the nerdy kid at school gets thrown into lockers, then learns to box, then discovers there are better ways to deal with bullies.

Wanting to strike back, hold the upper hand – this is a powerful feeling of RAGE!!!

The acting out of this, actually beginning to be a bully, is classic. We all go through it on our way to TRUE power, because we need to experience what it FEELS like.

It’s a phase, though. A part of the transition from doormat – which is NOT feminine energy, it is masculine energy doing a strategy called: “If I hide my feelings, my humanness, my womanhood, my soul and my deeper self in a corner and make nice, I’ll be safe.”

Never works.

I personally think the Black Lives Matter and social Justice movement right now is such an amazing model of where we want to go. To be treated in this way for so long, reason says all black people should be so righteously enraged that revenge and bullying is the only step to take, and we should expect that.

Rage is reasonable here.

And yet, the movement, and nearly every individual committed to it, is completely focused on the OUTCOME – not on revenge.

This is about getting what you WANT, not reacting to what’s going on.

And Feminine Energy and vulnerability are powerhouses that nearly everyone responds to.

I don’t know anything about Asian culture – I do know that I imagine it’s related to duty and honor, and the individual needs and desires of anyone are down the list. This would be a classic masculine society.

The nerd in the locker and the bullies.

With that set up – who wouldn’t prefer to be the bully!!

Yet, there are way more than those two sides of the coin. so this bouncing back and forth between doormat and bully is just a beginning.

I believe it’s really, really important for women who’ve been bound up on the one powerless doormat side to begin to bounce the other way and see what it feels like to be the bully pummeling the other guy.

It needs to be experienced.

And then – you discover that it doesn’t feel good either.

Now, you get to begin to find a completely different Third Way – as you’re doing here on Siren Island.

Feeling messages are not the entire Modern Siren Method. They are the beginning of finding YOURSELF!!!!

Until you know what you feel and what you WANT, you cannot REQUEST anything from anyone.
Once you do, we learn to Request… to say NO, to speak the truth. It’s all about the words, and it’s not possible to find the words until you know what you’re about inside, and what you want.

To a bully: I don’t like the way it feels to hear that. I don’t want to fight. And, the great standby: “I hear you.” and then you walk away.

The whole roommate, taxi driver thing is learning how to speak – without being REACTIVE, in either direction – scared hiding, or aggressive bullying.

Make sense?

And – to pull this all together. This is old-fashioned, classic “Assertiveness Training For Women.”
Being assertive fits totally with feminine energy and vulnerability.

It disarms the other person by not bothering to enter into conflict. it’s Martial Arts. It’s Aikido.

People who are bullies feel totally powerless. Just as you’ve felt.

We are all damaged, and yet, bullies feel stuck in their damage and their wounds.

They feel unloved, worthless, and powerless. They bully because it feels better than doormatting.

Feminine Energy is willing to hear, experience, and, yes, love, on a global level, all things and people – and so a bully who has not crossed over into mental illness will fall in love with someone who hears and accepts them.

The power you have as a feminine energy woman is so enormous, transformative and magical – we ALL need to be trained in its use.

So – let’s explore Assertiveness training here.

Try learning to simply say “no”, without any strategy behind it.

See what a simple “no” takes from you.

See what it feels like to say it.

Practice it, and see if you can say no without it being an attack, or a push.

Just a simple fact. No.

And no explanation needed! no reason! Just no.

Then, we’ll move onto other Tools. Preview: “I hear you.”

Even the most toxic person will stop in their tracks when someone actually notices them, hears them, and is willing to say that.

My Toxic Men program (you can click here to read more about it->) is all about this, and may help you understand the dynamics behind even finding yourself in the presence of a toxic, mean person. And I’ll keep on talking about this – because the world is experiencing a very painful moment.

Staying tuned in, on an even keel, aware and kind with yourself and everyone else is crucial right now..

Love, Rori Raye

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