Trusting Genevieve The GPS – Or Not

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Here’s a silly voice memo I made while driving through the French countryside with my husband last month – It’s about the GPS in our heads (inspired by the GPS in our car that my husband instantly named Genevieve).

It’s silly, because you can hear me getting all sentimental about every animal we pass (you’ll hear my lovely husband Jeffrey, too….) Just click the link, and you’ll hear it->

Genevieve the GPS

And it’s so true! How is YOUR inner GPS talking to you! Is it running you down? Rewarding you and complimenting you constantly?

And what exactly IS that inner voice?

Is your GPS coming from inside you, instinctively guiding you while treating you gently and lovingly?

Or is your GPS coming from your brain – filled with all the habits you’ve acquired through your life, all the beliefs and thoughts that have been passed down to you from family and teachers and every experience you’ve ever had, all the things we all hear out there in the world that seem to “know something we don’t”?

Can you CHANGE the sound of your GPS?


See if you can pay attention to what your GPS sounds like – and if it’s not talking to you sweetly, it’s likely NOT EVEN YOUR OWN INNER VOICE!

It’s just a compendium of everything you’ve ever heard or learned.

Try this – Trust the voice, the GPS you hear that talks to you as though you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, the most amazing human with the most amazing spirit with the most amazing connection to all that is. Trust THAT one, and see where she takes you!

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Iamabutterfly on December 5, 2012 at 10:35 am


  2.  #2Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Hi Iamabutterfly

  3.  #3Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Rori, I am getting better and better every day.

  4.  #4Iamabutterfly on December 5, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Hi, Femininewoman. 🙂

  5.  #5Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Rori’s voice with “aaww a cute little pony” brought back a memory from Monday, when I was in the dentist chair watching Katie – Katie Couric. She was talking to families who had missing kids and were still searching for them. Looking at one little 6-year old girl who was stolen from her room and listening to her mom and dad talk brought tears to my eyes. My heart felt so tender and raw from just listening to their story. I feel so grateful for this blog, Mercedes and
    Christie Sheldon meditation sound bite I have been listening to. I feel my heart has opened up more and like my heartwaves are so strong I can almost touch it. At times I feel them radiating out towards to my arms and they feel so unusual and uncomfortable I want to run away from them. But yayyy I can feel, I can feel.

    It reminds me of a date I had with a cd where we were watching a movie at his house. I came in the middle of it and he looked towards me at a very touching moment. I kept looking at it while looking at him through my peripheral vision. I felt surprised to see him subtly reach up to wipe a tear from his eye, obviously hoping I did not see him. He is one of those stereotypical macho guys who put out to the world that he is a tough lone ranger who needs no one.

  6.  #6Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Sirens – Thank you all for the insight – I kind of knew even as I was trying to type a FM for tomorrow that it wasn’t going to be right – being needy is not attractive. Sigh. So fine, i will not contact him tomorrow. I think I am strong enough right now to go a while without contact. I’m betting he will contact me when I go to Parris Island to get my brand new Marine next week – I would be surprised if he didn’t, but I will be with my sons and overwhelmed with emotion and should not be at all worrying about GM.

    I might need some support from you Sirens tomorrow – will be working before and after court – it’s just a pre-trial, so should not be too horrible, just really hate expending any emotional issue on my ex and his hateful attorney :/

  7.  #7Daria on December 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Ooh I like that one!

    I’m the bestest even tho I don’t believe in competition in my uniqueness I’m the bestest I’m amazing incomparable w the. Other people are too

  8.  #8Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

    I am greatly improving the tone of mu inner voice – have been working ont hat all week, so Thank You, Rori for this timely post!

  9.  #9Daria on December 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Why is this a sticking point for me?

    I feel afraid to be lonely


    I’m so amazing

    I don’t have to be scared to focus only on me not on others

    Well I feel terrified

    That seems wrong

    And divisive

    I feel shy and ashamed

  10.  #10Starla on December 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

    my gps tells me wonderful things:)

  11.  #11Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Meanwhile. I dusted off my POF profile, posted new pics and am talking to several men who are attractive and NOT asking me to send them naked pics – lol – gotta start somewhere!

  12.  #12Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 11:05 am

    overwhelmed with emotion – Calypso if he should contact you, it would be great to really pay attention to yourself to see what “overwhelmed with emotion” shows up for you and to share this

  13.  #13Goodheart on December 5, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I feel SO happy! 🙂

    We went to Disneyland this weekend. It felt so magical to be at my favorite place with my very own handsome prince.

    Ever since the first time I went and saw the fireworks over Sleeping Beauty’s Castle I dreamed of watching them with someone special.

    It’s even more magical at Christmas time with the decorations & lights. I felt warm & tingly inside as we stood on Main Street with the fireworks popping & the Christmas songs playing.

    He was videotaping it with one arm around me & I was just mesmerized by how enchanting it all felt. When it reached the final crescendo of explosions & the “snow” started to gently fall on our heads, I turned to look at my bf.

    He took a step back & pointed the camera at me. I smiled & put my hands up to catch the snow. When I looked back at him he was holding a little box in his hand.

    Then he was on one knee.

    I put my hand over my mouth & felt the warm tears on my checks. Above the crowd I heard, “Will you marry me?”

    I remember nodding & then I was in his arms & I could hear the people around us congratulating us. It was my fantasy come true.

    For so many years I wasn’t sure if love & romance were meant for me. Then I found Rori & the law of attraction and I KNOW that of course they are.

    All it takes is faith and trust.

    And a little bit of pixie dust 🙂

    I’m still floating.

  14.  #14Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 11:15 am

    FW – yes, I will. He contacted me the day I had to send my baby to boot camp and i did a good job of expressing my feelings to him that day, I think. I’m pretty good at it when i’m crying – lol

    GM contacted me the last time I was in court and I was good at expressing that day too – I guess i was just hoping to recreate it tomorrow, but that can’t happen because he does not know I have court and I’m not going to tell him. that’s ok. I’m ok . . .

  15.  #15Mercedes on December 5, 2012 at 11:31 am

    I LOVE this: “Try this – Trust the voice, the GPS you hear that talks to you as though you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, the most amazing human with the most amazing spirit with the most amazing connection to all that is. Trust THAT one, and see where she takes you!”

    Calypso: Yes…you are okay and you will be okay tomorrow too… 🙂

    Much Love,

  16.  #16Starla on December 5, 2012 at 11:36 am

    congratulations goodheart
    that story is beautiful!

  17.  #17Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 11:44 am

    aaaawwww Goodheart

  18.  #18Mercedes on December 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Goodheart: That is sooooo wonderful!!!! Congratulations!!!

    Much Love,

  19.  #19Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 11:47 am

    So beautiful. Congrats Goodheart. Tears are rolling down my face.

  20.  #20Goodheart on December 5, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Thanks Starla 🙂 I’m really grateful for finding Rori and for all of the ladies here (and who used to be here) who helped me.

  21.  #21Goodheart on December 5, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Thank you FW & Mercedes. You have no idea how much your posts have helped me since coming to this site.

  22.  #22Ulii on December 5, 2012 at 11:58 am

    For me my GPS sounds still very much like a mixed voice of my parents and some other influent figures I have had in my life….And is mostly judging me.. 🙁

  23.  #23Iamabutterfly on December 5, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    @13 Goodheart – Awwww! That’s sooooo cute/warm/exciting! Congrats!

  24.  #24Miss Bells on December 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I am feeling very confused about certain behavior. My GPS tells me almost nothing.
    It is like I am dealing with two men in one body.
    His messages are opposite each other, in both word and deed.

    I don’t know what to believe. Asking him will not work.

  25.  #25Starla on December 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    qz said he wanted to stay in touch (paraphrasing… he was more specific/stronger)

    and i said “i would like that”

  26.  #26Rori Raye on December 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Brava to YOU, Goodheart! And to your man, Bravo! Love, Rori

  27.  #27Goodheart on December 5, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Aww, thank you Rori. I feel touched. And so very happy that I found this site when I did.

    It feels so good to be feminine! 🙂

  28.  #28Sirenity on December 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Goodheart that feels so soft and magical and exciting to read over my morning cuppa ! Congratulations and hugs!!

  29.  #29Mercedes on December 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Miss Bells: You posted this on the other blog and I would like to comment:

    “Paying LOTS of attention, asking me out on what are obviously dates, Tking mey face in his hands and kissing me, looking into my eyes.

    It is the way you act with someone new that you are very attracted to in the early dating stage.”

    If he says he doesn’t love you then please believe him. Regardless of how he feels deep down in his heart (which may be different than what he says…or it may not be and he might just be a sweet man who likes giving affection this way), if he’s telling you he doesn’t love you then…you (in my opinion) deserve to find someone who does. The man who loves you will not deny it and will give you the same affection you are getting from this man.

    Not all men find it easy to say in words, but even those men don’t deny it.

    That said, J and I were both in denial about our feelings for a long time. Those feelings of love were there. Walking away forced us to both feel the real thing. Once that happened, neither of us denied it again. If this man is in love with you, he will realize it someday and he will stop denying it. In the meantime, I would believe his words over his affections. 🙁

    Much Love,

  30.  #30Mercedes on December 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    I meant on the other thread…not the other blog.

  31.  #31Starla on December 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    sirenity, where is it still morning? do you live in hawaii? ohhhh you lucky duck, you do, don’t you!

  32.  #32Silver Moonbeam on December 5, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    #13 Goodheart

    Wow I have tears in my eyes reading this, what a truly special moment. <3

    Oh and big congratulations. 🙂

  33.  #33Silver Moonbeam on December 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Starla I had tears in my eyes reading your post too on the other thread.

    Good old CF I knew he could do it!!! 🙂

  34.  #34Ulii on December 5, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    @ 13 Goodheart

    Congratulations! This story is overwhelmingly beautiful… 🙂

  35.  #35MissStix on December 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Awww Rori giggles like I do!!! Hehehe

  36.  #36Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    STARLA – i missed it – did CF do something nice? Did he communicate???

  37.  #37Starla on December 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    some of my girl friends are not very happy at all that i’m talking to cf/qz again and are concerned about the fact that he disappeared

    we’re just IN CONTACT now. that’s all. we’re not getting married

    hmmm i am getting the sense i’m not on the same wavelength as some of these friends of mine

    i am up here in this bubble of acceptance and love and humanity

    they are all suspicious and jaded?

  38.  #38Starla on December 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    calypso yeah check the last thread near the end.

  39.  #39Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    WOW!!! I’m going to go look for it now! Your friends just want to protect you – but i know you want someone to share your JOY at the breakthrough – again – WOW -gotta go find it!!!

  40.  #40Starla on December 5, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    yes my friends just love me:)

    but i’m not interested in blaming, being a victim, scolding, shaming, judging………………

    it’s hard for me to explain this to them.

    i want to live in a small world where no one is ‘wrong’

  41.  #41Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Starla – I just read it and have chills! I’m so happy for you. What a great opportunity for you to now lean back and use FM’s and get your whole DO-OVER!!! 🙂

    I’m ensipred. I’m going to lean backa nd continue my journey to improve my life (finances & health) and eventually GM will contact me again or i will have a fun/flirty reason to contact him and I will get to practice my FM’s with him too!

    I can’t wait to read more about your journey as this progresses with you and CF – (((Starla)))

  42.  #42Starla on December 5, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    thank you calypso:)

    btw, i’m calling him QZ from now on. because cf stands for crack fix and i don’t want to use that name or idea anymore when referring to a man.

    and also, qz means nothing at alll… it’s just sovereign gibberish, and i like that it reminds me to respect that he is a sovereign, unique human

  43.  #43Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    The Essence of Relationship Harmony
    Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks

    From our work with several thousand couples, we have
    found that practicing the following principles and skills reliably produces relationship harmony.

    1. Do a daily psycho-­‐spiritual practice, and if you’re
    in a close relationship, do one together. We meditate
    together morning and evening. Find a practice that feels good, and discipline yourself to do it every day.
    Problems cannot be solved in the same state of consciousness in which you created them; finding a
    practice that shifts you out of your habitual state of
    consciousness can be a relationship lifesaver. Conscious breathing, yoga, walking and dancing are
    other great practices that we do nearly every day.
    2. When you’re feeling stuck in communication, say what you’re afraid of in addition to what you’re angry
    about. Most anger has fear underneath it, and the anger often doesn’t go away until you discover and express your fear. Common fears that underlie communication breakdowns are: “I’m afraid you’re going to leave me;” “I’m afraid to let go of controlling
    you;” “I’m afraid I’m losing my creative powers;” “I’m
    afraid of dying;” “I’m afraid of expressing my full
    potential.” Get as comfortable expressing your fears as you are with telling someone the time of day.

    Unfortunately I can’t provide a link as it is a pdf in email from the Hendricks. Hope it is not breaking the rules to post like this.

  44.  #44Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    That’s great Starla. The Hendricks encourage to express 5 appreciations for every complaint. Maybe instead you could look for what you appreciate about your friends to bleach over their …………….:)

  45.  #45Femininewoman on December 5, 2012 at 1:24 pm


  46.  #46Dominique on December 5, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Goodheart – I feel SO filled up hearing your news. Much love and happiness always…


  47.  #47Starbright on December 5, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Wow, Goodheart, what wonderful news!

    I would be most appreciative if you felt like sharing some of your story here so the rest of us could learn from you!

    Yeah you!!!

  48.  #48Starla on December 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    44 fw

    i appreciate that they try to always be on my side and are happy and excited for me even if they don’t agree

    i appreciate that they are the army of women who have my back! and are militant/vigilant about making sure i’m okay when they think i’ve gone off-path.

    i appreciate that i even have them to tell about this stuff!

  49.  #49Starla on December 5, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    2 more things, hmmmm

    i appreciate that it hurts them to see me hurt. i must mean a lot to them

    i appreciate that no matter what i choose, they will totally support me! even IF they vocally opposed it during my decision making process

    ohhh i am so lucky to have these friends, huh!!

  50.  #50Starla on December 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    hmmm number 5 and number 1 are basically the same.

    i appreciate that i can talk to them about spiritual matters too

  51.  #51Tam on December 5, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Oh no. Oh no no no no no.
    There was me telling my friend yesterday how much better I feel after my tabula rasa event and throwing MrP out of house and life….and today, suddenly I feel terribly sad, like ‘what have I done????’
    And then, well, it is clear that I have done the right thing I guess.
    Just sometimes not easy. Things can be clear and straightforward and yet still bloody painful.
    I still hope for a miracle that will never happen.
    How silly.
    So silly.
    Must move on 🙁

  52.  #52Tam on December 5, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    I want my palpitations to go away pronto please.
    I haven’t had them in months…and I hate them.
    They remind me of my heart murmur and mortality and I hate that.
    I feel ill and broken.

  53.  #53Starla on December 5, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    aw tam sounds like you need some major relaxation

  54.  #54Tam on December 5, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Starla, I just feel sorry for myself, ha. And guess my body is commiserating….

  55.  #55Olympia on December 5, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Goodheart, congrats!

    I feel so happy for you! That is incredibly romantic!!!

  56.  #56MissStix on December 5, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    It’s an annoyed feeling day for me. I have tried dam near everything I can to shift and the more I try the more irritated I feel. Even telling my feelings how much I love them irritated me. A voice inside told me to eff off and leave me be. So there it is….

  57.  #57Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    QZ it is 🙂

  58.  #58Goodheart on December 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Starbright, I found Rori’s site in early 2010 after being given the “let’s be friends” speech by the guy I had been dating for about 4 months.

    Even though we didn’t really have a relationship (hadn’t slept together), I was kind of devastated because I had pinned a lot of hopes on him.

    I really didn’t have a clue what I was doing wrong either. After finding Rori & reading the blog I realized I wasn’t letting my feminine side out & I was hogging some of the male role in my relationships.

    It took awhile (& lots of help from the ladies on the blog) for me to really drop my wall of defenses and unzipper my heart.

    I remember early on feeling so frustrated at not even knowing what unzipper my heart meant, but thanks to Dominique who explained it so well to me, I was able to do it.

    I met my bf about 6 months later. He said he loved how I let him do things for me and that he really felt masculine around me 🙂 I held no expectations for the relationship except that I just wanted to have fun & practice being feminine.

    The funny thing is, since he was younger than me & didn’t have a steady job I just didn’t look at him as relationship material – just fun & practice.

    I let him know my boundaries in a firm, but no pressure way. I stated what I wanted in a relationship & in my man, but I never ever made him feel like he had to be that man.

    Within a month of us dating he got a steady job. Then he asked me to go to his cousin’s wedding with him across the country & 3 months down the road. He paid for everything.

    He called every single night without fail. We saw each other at least every other night – all by his initiation.

    He told me that he knew what kind of man he had to be in order to win me & he set out to be that man.

    Whenever either one of us felt fear or insecurity we talked about it – right from the beginning. It’s been the most communicative relationship I’ve ever been in.

    We both had (and have) our own stuff to heal and we understand this. We always choose relationship over pride or wanting to be right.

    He continues to want to be the provider and I continue to practice being soft and inviting. He says he never really felt manly before because girls always wanted to do things themselves & he THANKS me for letting him do things for me 🙂

    He builds things for me & opens doors & pulls out my chair & always stands up first when we’ve been sitting so he can take my hand and help me up. People are always smiling at us & telling us how cute we are.

    After he proposed & we were enjoying Disneyland he would say things like, “Are you ready my bride-to-be” and “After you m’lady.”

    He always makes me feel so cherished & loved.

    Gosh, this is so long. I just want everyone to know that it’s possible.

    I was single a really, really long time & gave up hope many times. But when I was really ready to heal, the journey was amazingly short.

    And incredibly wonderful 🙂

  59.  #59Dominique on December 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Miss Stix – Big hugs


  60.  #60LiliBee on December 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    I feel so happy reading your story Goodheart! 🙂

    I also feel relieved that all is possible!

  61.  #61Starbright on December 5, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Aw, Goodheart, it feels so good to read your story!!!! It is so great you stood up for you! I am so major impressed. I know how hard it can be to do that. At other times parts may feel a bit easy. Hmmm I see the contradictions in these opposite feelings!

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart warming story. I feel so happy for you. I would like to magnetize something similar for myself! At times it can feel difficult to keep up the hope.

    So funny really how he came in under the radar! You were practicing and he turned into the one! That’s a great reminder! I have had some good practicing. Going to keep myself at it.

    Thanks again for sharing such a beautiful and encouraging love story and happy engagement to you!!!!

  62.  #62April Rose on December 5, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    I just nearly fainted with joy and happiness for you.
    Wow, lady!

  63.  #63Calypso on December 5, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Goodheart – thank you for the chills that just spread over my body – it felt wonderful to read your magical story – I can only imagine how it felt to live it 🙂

  64.  #64April Rose on December 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    ” I just didn’t look at him as relationship material – just fun & practice.

    I let him know my boundaries in a firm, but no pressure way. I stated what I wanted in a relationship & in my man, but I never ever made him feel like he had to be that man.”

    Thank you for these words, Goodheart. I intend to do the very same.

  65.  #65Goodheart on December 5, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Aww – you can do it Starbright! And Lilibee 🙂

    I’ve read along with many of your posts & you both sound amazing & lovely.

    I helped “magnetize” the relationship I wanted by making a vision board. I looked at it every night before I went to bed. And I used to walk around my house talking to “him” like he was actually there – teehee 🙂 I’m so weird.

  66.  #66T-Girl on December 5, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    OMG Goodheart your story brought tears to my eyes! Congrats!

  67.  #67LiliBee on December 5, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    I feel so weird…I mean “different”, more and more every day.

    I spent an interesting evening yesterday.

    Allthough my old patterns of behaviour still surface, I feel more aware.
    What’s different is I see it, I feel it, even if I act out on it, I shift to getting into the moment by calling up my feeling “curious”.

    I witnessed a same old scene with D.
    I expressed my feeling “not in control” in his ear (we were in a group of people).
    He reacted way differently than usual.
    He did not get angry like he used to, instead he explained why he did what he did.
    I shifted my attention and focus to the people with us with learning curiosity.

    His man friend opened up about his past relationship and his current one.
    He shared how he was criticized and controlled for wanting to provide a good life for his family and himself.
    Then he shared how his current gf lets him do that in his own way, and how it makes him feel free.
    She shared how that lets her have and do her own thing.
    They both support each other in what they both do on their own for themselves.
    WOW! I felt impressed at the self confidence they expressed. It felt light, happy, fullfilling… as opposed to stuffy and stifled when hearing of couples needing this or needing that from each other… Hmmm, gave me food for thought 🙂

  68.  #68LiliBee on December 5, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    I opened my mind and horizon at cd’ing:

    I consider having my options open by simply feeling curious to hearing this man out: Noticing how open, vulnerable and honest he was being, especially about his masculinity. I ask myself “how would I feel being in a relationship with such an open, honest masculine man?”

  69.  #69Starbright on December 5, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    65: Goodheart-

    “And I used to walk around my house talking to “him” like he was actually there – teehee”

    I love this!!!

    Thank you also for your encouragement!

  70.  #70Miss Bells on December 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    I absolutely reacted to the spoken message.
    I started moving everything into a pile for transport. I took two loads and am now ready for the third.
    I sold him the items I no longer need. We agreed he gets his keys back when the last load comes out of the house.

    But the MINUTE he said it and felt the relief he started trying to woo me back.

    I can believe the negative story. I can ask him to leave me alone in that case. (after all, if he doesn’t love me that shouldn’t be a problem.) But I guarantee he will not stay away from me and let me heal.

    FW says that saying LEAVE ME ALONE is disrespectful (to him) b/c it is telling me what to do. But I disagree. If he doesn’t love me he needs to let me go, as I have requested 3 times in 5 years, and not keep coming after me.

    That is what confuses me. Also– he is not jus an affectionate guy. Far from it. He is stiff and formal if anything. Kissing me on the lips like THAT is not just being friendly. It was absolutely a romantic gesture.

    Actions and words are both important. He gives me and equal number of positive and negative messages verbally and in behavior.

    If i retreat he comes after me, but when he gets me he stops wanting me.

    If any of this were clear it would have been resolved a long time ago.

    I thought of moving somewhere very far away and changing my phone, but I have a life here after 34 years, and live in one of the garden spots of the world.

    I need to know how to handle him. My girlfriends are so angry at him they can’t see both of us and the situation with compassion.

    Others want to let him off the hook too easily. I am willing and able to do no contact, but he won’t abide by it, and there are all kinds of places where we will surely meet in this small county.

    I moved 20 miles away, but he likes my new town and won’t make himself scarce.

    I said I would see him Saturday and I will. Then I will take the last load, or let him bring it all in the truck. I want to do the last load after the party so I can then stop taking his calls.
    Not that that will slow him down much.

  71.  #71Goodheart on December 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Thank all of you ladies so, so much – I feel warm & happy knowing my story is inspiring to you 🙂

    I’m going to go have dinner with a couple of my friends now & show them my ring – I’m a growed up woman & I feel giggly like a school girl!

  72.  #72April Rose on December 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Miss Bells,

    You handle him with boundaries. Gently beginning to put them in place.
    Example “I don’t want to be touched in a sexual way by someone who is just a friend. It feels confusing”.

    I’m learning to speak boundaries gently, instead of in a panicky urgent tone.

  73.  #73Smile on December 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Aw 2nd cd kissed me 🙂 It felt good to receive. A little strange at first.

    It took him nearly 3 hours in traffic to get to me.

    He paid for the cinema.

    But then we went for a drink and I paid :(I felt so annoyed with myself but it was cash only and the cash machine wasn’t close by. I had cash on me so I offered. It felt like giving back for him driving such a long way. I feel I need to work in notfeeling uncomfortable to receive.

  74.  #74Luzydel on December 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Wow another new guy popped in match; I have 4 possible CD’s’ Saturday one was more someone I could be friends with, but I kinda felt turned off and no attraction at all.

    “D” is the only old CD I am keeping around, because Besides not being ready for commitment; he is honest and masculine, and simple and hard working. All I want in a man, but he is not taking things to any level. So I am not going to Push him away, nor tell him I want more. Just CD these other men even if they are just one coffee meet ups.

    Sometimes I wonder if me saying I don’t know what I want can be translated into I don’t know what I deserve. If I knew I would raise my standards better 🙁
    I feel Sad about admitting that about me.

  75.  #75Miss Bells on December 5, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    #72 I can’t be just a friend. That is my point.
    I want him to leave me alone if all he feels is friendship. (which is, I am sure, not true, but he says it is so I will take it as true.)

    I don’t want to be his ‘friend’. and he doesn’t leave me alone, not really…

  76.  #76Miss Bells on December 5, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    I have used boundary language. My boundaries are clear. Doesn’t matter.

  77.  #77Starla on December 5, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    tonight i intend to meditate and clean my house some more and do all my beauty rituals:)

    maybe i will even hit the gym… heh. seriously though……

  78.  #78MissStix on December 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    I am allowing myself to feel anger low down and cranky and still radiate positive vibes. This feels comforting in a way. I feel thankful for this ability.

  79.  #79Starla on December 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    i love your posts, missstix

  80.  #80Starbright on December 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Miss Bells,

    Boundaries can be tough to keep to. I so understand this. However, truly keeping boundaries sometimes entails not answering that phone call or email or saying yes when there still isn’t the relationship one wants.

    A man cannot interact with a woman unless she allows it. Again, not saying it’s easy, however it is always an option to accept or not accept a man’s behavior. I’m still learning!

  81.  #81heartbeat on December 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Goodheart – I’m feeling so lit up reading your news! Ages since I read any comments, life has been hectic, so it feels like serendipity to find you here with a great story. Congratulations! I feel happy for you xxx

  82.  #82Dominique on December 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    heartbeat!!! xxoo

  83.  #83heartbeat on December 5, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    I’m having a dilemma. Nothing major but any feedback would be appreciated. I just feel ill at ease.

    I’ve been on a few dates with Al – felt really nice, comfortable getting to know one another. On Monday we had arranged separately to attend a Meetup, not a date as such. I arrived at the start time, realised right away it was not my cup of tea as I felt very uncomfortable with the people there. After half an hour Al had not arrived. I made up an excuse and left. I felt annoyed and relieved at the same time.

    Since then, I’ve heard nothing from Al. I was going to leave it up to him to get in touch, but a girlfriend this evening pointed out that he may have been delayed and thought I’d not shown up.

    Now I’m wondering what to do. Any comments?

  84.  #84heartbeat on December 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Dominique!! xxxx 🙂

  85.  #85Luzydel on December 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    83: heartbeat

    why haven’t you contacted him? I don’t get it…

  86.  #86Dominique on December 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Leave it alone heartbeat. A good man would have let you know he was running late if this was indeed what was happened. A half hour is more than enough time to wait. You did well to leave, and now again leave it alone. He will contact you, or he won’t.


  87.  #87heartbeat on December 5, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Thank you, Tinque. I did feel really uncomfortable. I would like a man who lets me know he’s running late.

    All the old stuff starts up – the voice that says I’m being unfair etc.

    I’m still learning to listen to my heart xxxx

  88.  #88Luzydel on December 5, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    I disagree with dominique on this one; you said it wasn’t a date per se and that both of you agreed to go separate, he did not stood you up, he could have gone at any time because again it wasn’t a date…

  89.  #89April Rose on December 5, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Ooh, I’ve been so busy catching up with all the juiciness from you ladies, I forgot about my situation!

    I’ll mention it. Feedback is welcome.

    I’ve had two dates with a man, and we’ve held hands and kissed! He seems grown-up and nice. He often texts me. It seems he is quite keen.
    Yesterday he texted me “What shall I do with my day off tomorrow?”

    Now, far be it from me to tell a man what to do with his day off, but I could have written something light and playful I suppose. And been available.

    In the end I didn’t respond until this afternoon. I apologised for not answering sooner, and I asked him how his day off was going.

    No answer. Hmmm. I feel kinda mean. And silly. And a bit sad.

  90.  #90Luzydel on December 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    “What shall I do with my day off tomorrow?”

    Me: Oh I feel uncomfortable telling someone what to do, what do you have in mind?


  91.  #91Luzydel on December 5, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    I have to be careful about saying something to a man, but meaning something else in the name of leaning backward and being feminine; I am more into the Four Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz on This one… Do not make assumptions! ask questions.

  92.  #92heartbeat on December 5, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Luzydel – that was what my girlfriend said. But it was a small group, and I told the organiser I had a home emergency. So he would have heard. I felt uncomfortable about texting him. I suppose that says it all, really. Something is not right if I feel awkward. I don’t want to feel that way. Thanks for commenting. Xx

  93.  #93Annie on December 5, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Miss Bells I feel in agreement with Starbright.Men respond to actions not words. It takes someone to honor their boundaries with an action to make them a REAL boundary. The action would be no contact.

  94.  #94Luzydel on December 5, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    @ 92

    if this was a regular situation where you were blatantly stood up, then I would just forget it. This seems more like a miss communication. There was not a official agreement to meet at certain time, so he could feel that you let and didn’t call him to let him know etc. etc.

    I would just send a text saying “hey I went to the meet up, and I felt uncomfortable after a few minutes and decided to leave, how did it go for you?”

    Again, I am not a 100 % rule follower of Rory’s tools, I kinda play and experiment with things a little. I have nothing to loose…

  95.  #95heartbeat on December 5, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Luzydel I do like the nothing to lose approach! But… last Fri we arranged to go to another Meetup and get together at the venue. He is one of the organisers. The venue wasn’t quite open at the time he stated, but someone let me and another member in anyway. After twenty minutes I called him and he was outside, wondering if the gig was cancelled. Well, I did tease him about it and we had a laugh. But I didn’t want to call him again on Monday. I genuinely don’t want to pressure him and I was feeling too much on edge to pull off an easy vibe.

  96.  #96Sassy on December 5, 2012 at 5:49 pm


    Finally, eh???

    Sooo happy you spoke with him!

  97.  #97Sassy on December 5, 2012 at 5:52 pm


    Congratulations! What a wonderful, heartwarming story.

    I wish you all the happiness in the world.

  98.  #98sunlight on December 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    I am floating around the notion of chemistry versus intimacy that Rori writes about. It is exactly what I am learning and practicing now. Feels so good to grow.

  99.  #99Luzydel on December 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    I am feeling this little knot in my chest, I feel tension. Again, what do I want?

  100.  #100Belle on December 5, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    I feel massively triggered.
    The “fall to my knees” kind of triggered.
    Today I was being flirty with a guy at work and talking about the stripper poles I have in my living room (someone I’ve known for a while who already knows this) when C piped in about how he wants to come to my house, he’d be there in a heartbeat, he’s all over it.
    I froze, got defensive and told him, “you aren’t welcome at my house. someone who can’t be seen with me in public can’t come to my house.”

    Of course we all felt uncomfortable, and got silent for a minute after that…I walked out, no way could I pretend to shrug that off.

    What felt like daggers to my heart, to me, is this “I’m on my way, just say the word!” BS.
    He knows damned well I want(ed) some time alone with him outside of work, and knows damned well he wouldn’t show up if I invite him over, and knows damned well he isn’t going to put in any f*cking effort beyond what’s convenient at work.

    Actually, the truth is, I don’t have a bed so I don’t want him to come over to my place but even if I invited him I don’t trust him to show up.

    Writing all of that out, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal…wtf?

    I felt totally played (which is of course what happens when one plays with a player). It seemed cruel. He didn’t just say it once, he kept pushing the issue.
    I started slowly coming unglued.
    I sank into my feelings
    Off and on over the day I felt overcome with emotion…questioning, inquiring, “what hurts? what am I telling myself?”
    keeping my heart open

    On the drive home in my mind I was telling him off, saying, “Thank you, THANK

  101.  #101Belle on December 5, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    you for making me a stronger woman. Every time you stomp on my heart it just gets stronger and more loving and makes my love more fierce and passionate, thank you for ripping me apart!”

    I felt trapped, like a caged animal, concocted a few plans of how I was going to never talk to him again, avoid him at work like the plague, playacted telling him off a few times
    and now
    it feels weird, like
    what did I get so worked up over?

  102.  #102Tereana on December 5, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Heartbeat, I agree with Dominique. He didn’t communicate to you about the meeting, so now it is up to him to follow through, if he is going to. Even if it wasn’t a “date,” you had plans. Next time, you can decide if it’s worth it to you or not to try and make plans again…or maybe find out what’s really going on, and what your respective goals are for dating and/or the relationship. Could be he’s just not a “relationship ready” guy…so you can CD and move on! No need to “follow up”..,

  103.  #103Belle on December 5, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    It was good, though, to finally *get* that I don’t trust him. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it or admit it before…he’s never said he would leave his gf and it’s been a strictly at-work thing, but I play dominoes with him every day and I see the way he plays (shysty! takes advantage of every weakness instead of helping someone be a better player) and I’ve reminded myself again and again there’s no such thing as an honest cheat….
    I don’t trust him.
    I don’t trust him.

    I want to be with a man I trust.
    I feel terrified!
    I’ve had so many men flip out on me unexpectedly and beat or berate me when I felt most vulnerable.
    How can I trust again?
    I feel lots of sensation in my throat, more tears falling, difficult to breathe.
    My chest feels pressure and constricted
    (part of my is giggling because I’m pretty sure I’m pms-ing)
    I don’t trust him
    don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t

    gonna sink into this some more…
    love you ladies, thank you so much for being here

  104.  #104Tereana on December 5, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Good heart – ill have to go back and read your story later, when I am at home. It sounds lovely!

    Except now I feel a lil bit sad, because I also found Rori in early 2010, or maybe late 2009. Kind of a shocker to realize it’s been that long and I *still* don’t know how to unzipped my heart, and be authentic and feminine, and I know that I am losing or repelling good, amazing, masculine guys because of it. They just don’t feel like “a man” around me.

    Sad siren 🙁


    I’ll keep trying

    One of these days, I’ll get it

  105.  #105Tereana on December 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Rori loves ponies ; ) lol 🙂

  106.  #106Belle on December 5, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    How weird…
    I just thought of a dream theater I did with a dream character last year. I felt distressed and mistrustful, but I lied and told the DC that I felt so safe and felt so much appreciation for him. He was driving and I wanted him to feel good about himself so he wouldn’t turn on me and flip out. I couldn’t even admit how I truly felt until a few weeks after the dream theater!

    I did that with my ex, and have been doing it with C.
    The mistrust was like breathing air, just part of the environment, I took it as part of the package.
    How interesting for it to take a year to become more fully conscious.
    I don’t feel quite ready for this to heal
    I trust it will (ha!)

  107.  #107Luzydel on December 5, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    I do not like double standards…

    Sometime this blog is full of double standard advice;

    I don’t like women…

    I like men, I am a little tom boy who likes to play with Tonka cars with boys; I hate playing wedding stuff…

    is there a boy for me? One who likes little Tom-boy me?

    little girls Don’t like me; cause I am more like boys; I play rough, I am honest, I like adventure and I am not afraid…

    I am going to play with boys and ask boys about boys… Girls suck! 🙂

  108.  #108Tam on December 5, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    So just before I could fall of my horse I had yet another epiphany.
    I went out all by myself tonight..I nearly did not go into the bar because I am so scared of doing that type of thing. However, I knew at least one guy I knew would be there and I spotted him and his friends right away.
    Amongst them was the guy who said ‘fake boobs, fake hair, fake lips, fake personality’ last time we all got together. So we start chatting. He said that he doesn’t understand how someone like me is single and that he hates the culture down here…where everyone is keeping options open etc etc.
    Turns out he is studied archaeology like me…OMG.
    We must be the only ones down here 😉
    And the he said the important line:

    Tam, you have to understand, that a man if he wants you, he will be jealous and try to ‘secure’ you. He will fight off all other men and he will seal the deal as fast as possible. He will want to take care of you.
    If there is any ambivalence, just forget it. The man is either not ready or he simply isn’t as interested, or an idiot – because if someone has the choice between a real woman like you, and the plastic Florida chick – and he doesn’t see your real worth, well I would say that is an idiot.

    He was referring to my friend whom I spotted and who has taken me out on a few dates…he does not know that we agreed to be just friends..he simply assumed the guy was not paying me enough attention and ‘letting me go’..hehehe. Too funny. BUT Ladies, I soaked up those words and they made me think of MrP. Yes, he is jealous but he never claimed me. He is always keeping his options open, whether because of issues or because he thinks he might get better than me, who knows.

    But this guys words really hit home, they really did.
    I did not need to hear anything else to keep me on my horse. I don’t care if I love someone and they love me. If a man can’t seal the deal it’s a deal breaker for me.

    And besides..I got a ride in a classic 1978 Porsche…and I got my doors opened and closed and was treated like a queen by my friend’s friend.
    It reminded me of what I deserve, which is no less.
    And, it was me who turned my head for the ‘good bye’ kiss to land on the cheek instead of the mouth, not the man. He tried twice 😉
    And I vowed at that moment, that I will never ever kiss a man again who doesn’t want to kiss me on the mouth. 100% of the time.
    No more issues, no more excuses.
    Thank you Universe, for reminding me and sending me this guy tonight.

  109.  #109Starla on December 5, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    luzydel, i struggle intellectually with double standards too. i am one of those people who needs brain and heart to understand each other in order to feel completely at ease. i think this might be a capricorn thing too from what i understand:D

  110.  #110Daria on December 5, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Imi crashing I love my crashing

  111.  #111Heart on December 5, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Goodheart – soooo lovely. Congratulations.

  112.  #112Miss Bells on December 5, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Tell me again why I should believe all negatives signs from a man, but discount positive ones??

  113.  #113Miss Bells on December 5, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    I am going to take both the negative words and the positive action into account, and give both creedence. I have already moved out 80%.
    Now there is no excuse for him to be in my presence other than he wants to.
    I can just let him know he has to drive to me and take me out or he doesn’t see me at all. And see what happens. I live a ways down the road and it takes quite an effort to get here, and is expensive to go out.
    If he makes the effort I will see him for a short time.

  114.  #114Daria on December 5, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    Daria feels unhappy

    Life loves me

  115.  #115Daria on December 5, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    I’m feelin myself

  116.  #116Heart on December 5, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    Had a moment of terror….
    I read a friend of a friend has a boyfriend now and their travelling together..
    My other friend has a boyfriend too…it’s not th ideal but it seems lovely…
    I want a boyfriend too….
    I feel sad like I’ll never find anybody…
    The only person I connected with was CudG.
    I dont feel turned on by any of my Cds..

    I feel hopeless, piney and lonely…
    noooooooo ….
    When will That Guy show up?
    Like Never!

  117.  #117Heart on December 5, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    I feel heaviness in my chest…
    I feel a tight knot feeling in my stomach..
    I feel pain & sadness like a hand is squeezing my heart.
    I want to be held….

  118.  #118MissStix on December 5, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    I love your posts too Starla!

    I am also a big advocate of forgiveness and acceptance. Remaining friendly with my ex is hugely important to me. Although…He has no hope in all of the universe of ever having me back romantically. I do believe I would have it the same way even if I did feel open to him romantically. Such a big part of my growth.

  119.  #119MissStix on December 5, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    I feel a desire to be triggered by your words luzydel. Yet…I am not.

    I wonder if i’m still more of a boy than a girl.

    An emotional drag queen 🙂

  120.  #120GlowStix on December 5, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    I wonder if this name works without going into moderation….

  121.  #121GlowStix on December 5, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    Score! 🙂

  122.  #122GlowStix on December 5, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    Cha ching ching, money ain’t a thing. I suddenly have a small savings. I’m not even sure what I have done to acheive this. I earn good hourly, but don’t work *that* much. 2-3 days a week.

    It was like…Oh, I have debt.I should focus on this changing for the positive. Fill out a little paperwork, don’t buy anything useless. Oh, i’m debt free! Sweet! Continue not buying anything useless…Oh, I have a little cusion 🙂 Yes.

    I plan to continue not buying anything useless. See where that gets me! 🙂

  123.  #123ruth on December 5, 2012 at 11:45 pm

    Congratulations Goodheart

  124.  #124Heart on December 6, 2012 at 12:40 am

    I feel much better now…
    I made plans with a platonic guy friend.
    My boy is taking good care of me…
    I feel grateful for my painful pining feeling…
    my inner love sick romantic wants to be heard..
    I let her read some song lyrics…
    Now she feels better.

  125.  #125Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 1:20 am

    I love that they called their GPS “Genevieve.” So cute!

    And you know, I know I feel like my timeline is “off” because I am not moving as “fast” as some sirens. I may not be “getting it.” But I will. And I suppose one of these days I will be posting on here about how it all worked for me, and admiring my ring, and enjoying being with my man… I am working on visualizing and really getting a sensory experience of what that would be like right now…mmm

    But first, I have a “letter.” Well, it’s not really a letter. It’s like a cross between a letter and a small story. It describes the sensations that I am feeling today, and some of the things I imagine myself telling SYG, but probably will never communicate to him – unless I sent him this, but I doubt I will.


    I remember what it was like to be in your house, SYG. The way the bathroom rug felt under my bare toes in the middle of the night. The jarring flash of fluorescent bulb; squinting my eyes. I remember how the tap water tasted in your one metal mug. You brought it for me into the bedroom. Now she sleeps in your bed, in that room.

    I wonder what you do when you roll over in the middle of the night and she’s there. Do you throw your arm around her – hold her close? Do you kiss her first thing in the morning? And do you have to push her long hair out of the way? Mine wasn’t long, but it always seemed to bother you. Yet I caught you smelling it. I know that you buried your nose into my curls when we embraced.

    Did you forget about me, or do you think about me sometimes? Do you miss me, because I am not her? I may have been more of a person than you thought. Maybe more than you bargained for. A force to be reckoned with.

    But her; she’s easy. You have pillow talk with her, and you feel comfortable. You want to see her. You feel excited to have her around. You welcome her into your home.

    You would never admit it, but once you wanted that to be me. Once upon a time, you wanted to convince me to accept you. You celebrated when I praised you and I said you were “cool.” And you were happy about the bus that took you to my house.

    But the next morning, you said that you “weren’t ready.” Waking up next to you, feeling happy and content, you smashed a budding flower in my heart with the hard heel of your words. “Not looking for a relationship right now,” is what you said. After you made the effort to please me – showed up at my door unannounced. And slept with me all night.

    You were ready. You were not only ready, you were dying to be in a relationship. It was in every cell of your body. I could feel it.

    And if there is one thing I cannot stand to hear, it is a lie.

    I struggled to get out of the bed, and you held me. “Let me go!” I insisted. Perhaps I should have just screamed at you then to get out of my house. Don’t bring your lies in and plaster them to the walls. Don’t insult me by sleeping with me, and only THEN tell me that you are not ready.

    I went to take a shower, and you tried to talk to me. As if what you had to say was so important. Whatever it was was not necessary, to me.

    “I’m not looking…” was all you had to say. After that, the rest was gravy. A sweet-smelling, non-nutritious gravy, served over a steaming fresh pile of sh*t.

    And I listened to it. On the couch, after the shower, fully dressed. I listened to what you had to say. But it was bullsh*t. All of it was bullsh*t. I knew it then, in the deep well of my gut, and I know it now.

    Leaning in the doorway, as you told me it was your girlfriend you were expecting and not me, I knew it was true – it was true that it was a lie you’d told me. What you’d said had nothing to do with your goals. And everything to do with the fact that you weren’t getting what you wanted from me. And I, quite frankly, wasn’t interested. I was never looking for a relationship. I went home with you on a whim. And I was pleasantly surprised. I actually started to like you on that evening. You treated me well, aside from the fact that you had no furniture. I spent an uncomfortable night not-sleeping on your mattress pad on the floor, with a pillow that was too large, and not enough blanket. But you sweetly moved the mattress pad to the back room, where it was darker, and finally, I slept.

    You could say it was doomed from the start. We were both too drunk that night. And later on, it was a series of mis-starts, attempts, and lost opportunities. And once in a while, something went right, but in the end, it was always “friends.” I liked you. And you were capable of being more than a friend. I was the one who wasn’t ready, and I wasn’t “looking” for a relationship. But I was ready to be surprised.

    What cut me is that, with a girlfriend, I can no longer be your friend. Without the possibility of anywhere to go, I am lost at sea, and will have to keep sailing, until I find my place. I’ll find the place that welcomes me. The place that makes me feel like the honored guest, the valued woman, the Queen of the Kingdom. Not some tawdry hook-up to fill the damp nights with heaves and groans.

    At least what I will keep with me, is that, no matter what her status is for you, I was there before. We made love on that mattress pad before you had a bed to put it on. You held me at night, and secretly buried your nostrils in my hair. You reached around my body and held me close, and – admit it – you liked me. And for maybe even a second, you thought about me, as possibly your girlfriend.

    Well, I’m sorry, too, SYG. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I would have been a good girlfriend. I would have let you love me, and enjoyed being with you, if I was ready. We could have been a nice team. But I wasn’t ready, and I wasn’t “looking.” And that’s just the way it is.

    You found someone else.

    What’s done is done. I am on my own path. You were good to me, but I don’t have time to waste, thinking of what “could have been.” It isn’t.

    So I take what is useful to me. And I keep sailing.

  126.  #126Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 1:25 am

    MissStix – is GlowStix your new name? I like it! 🙂

  127.  #127Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 1:27 am

    And I love your post about getting out of debt and into savings. You make it sound so easy. It doesn’t take a lot of money, just determination. Baby steps. I can do it!

  128.  #128Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 1:42 am


    Excellent article. Well written.

  129.  #129Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 1:49 am

    “My life is a party thrown for me by my own decisions.” ~ Tony Rush

  130.  #130Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 2:26 am

    I’m just not sleeping well these days.

  131.  #131GlowStix on December 6, 2012 at 2:42 am





    <3 <3 <3 <3

  132.  #132GlowStix on December 6, 2012 at 2:44 am


    Yes, it’s me. Gettin my glow on 🙂 Thank you!

  133.  #133Daria on December 6, 2012 at 3:22 am

    High as a kite biych I’m high as a kite

    Wipe your ass ass ugh as swipe

    I’m the rapper on the mike

    Hahahahahaha hahaha


  134.  #134Indigo on December 6, 2012 at 3:30 am

    I have dinner tonight with a brand new date. Yay, I am loving this circular dating thing 🙂 I feel that things must be healing in me, because at first it felt like something I absolutely didn’t want to do, then it felt like hard work, and now I feel all fun and flirty and carefree :). I love being spoilt. I am loving receiving.

    I feel so grateful and aaawww to South African guys who are raised to pay for women most of the time. So far on CDdates I have not paid for anything once.

    I feel all soft and melty towards them. It doesn’t feel like taking advantage.

  135.  #135GlowStix on December 6, 2012 at 3:45 am


    Lucky ducky 😉

  136.  #136Daria on December 6, 2012 at 3:48 am

    This finesses guy wants to see me. He rmvered our past conversation but I forgot all about it.

    He said I have this thing about me how ik so sexy… I know I know


    I love that

    Ah so easy

    And he is soo sexy

    And this other guy too came and wanted me to feel safe w him

    I like him soo much

  137.  #137Daria on December 6, 2012 at 3:48 am

    Life loves me

    That’s the motto

  138.  #138Tam on December 6, 2012 at 4:23 am

    Today, as I reflect on the evening I had and ponder that I was surrounded by 5 men, one of which tried to make a move on me and he was married.
    It is easy to lose faith, when a guy aggressively makes a move on you and the wife sits at home washing his underpants and has been for almost 30 years. And he is lusting after 20 year old barmaids – and me. But that is another story.

    Then I spotted something also, so if ever I am sad again or tempted to fall off my horse I just browse fb for a while….MrP made some kind of inappropriate half sexual comment on a woman’s picture with an animal. It was supposed to be funny. I didn’t think so and neither did she, clearly (as she quickly pointed out it was not a male one). Plus, I just thought ‘eeeewwwwwww’…is that the first thing that shoots into your head? Sex, sex, sex. Yuck. And then I giggled and thought to myself ‘perhaps because you’re not getting any’.
    And after I felt a bit ‘ewwww’ and a bit giggly and a bit turned off, I went my merry way again and back on the horse.

    I guess hearing these words ‘if a man wants you, he will make sure that no other man can get you and he will claim you and he will be in a rush’ – basically this is what the guy said to me yesterday. It made me feel so great, like I did the right thing.
    The right man will run after us and not be deterred…he will not want to stay ‘just friends’ or friends with benefits because that means we can be snatched away at any minute.
    A man who is healthy, not struck down by his issues, and in love with us will try to claim us. Even a man who has issues will/might still at least try if he can. This is so comforting to hear from a man again.
    It’s the undisputed truth.
    I am happy to have internalised it now. It means I will never chase after any man ever again, hopefully not even in thoughts.

  139.  #139Daria on December 6, 2012 at 4:30 am

    I’m feeling myself

  140.  #140Daria on December 6, 2012 at 4:32 am

    Life loves me

  141.  #141Daria on December 6, 2012 at 4:35 am

    I got the cutest cutest guy

    His touch makes me feel warm n melty

    N purrry

    His voice feels soothing

    I feel tummy churn right now and pleasure

  142.  #142CurvySiren10 on December 6, 2012 at 4:55 am

    125 ~Tereana, that is really beautifully written. It moved me.

  143.  #143Tam on December 6, 2012 at 4:56 am

    The relationship I want? It’s with myself. I want the relationship with myself to be so amazing, that I don’t even look left or right to see who has stepped down, and just keep my eyes ahead. Be true to myself and don’t let myself down.

  144.  #144Tam on December 6, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Once you have an understanding of something, it is actually impossible to go back.
    Much like:
    It’s the way it is, no matter how much you may want the answer to be: 3
    It never will be.
    That feels comforting just as much as it may feel frustrating at the time.

  145.  #145CurvySiren10 on December 6, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Tam, if Rori’s blog had a “like” button I’d be hitting it for all of your recent posts! You are doing SO great… learning & growing and really embracing the concept of self-love. 🙂

  146.  #146Tam on December 6, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Thank you Curvy 🙂
    I don’t feel so great right now but pushing myself along… 😉

  147.  #147Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Indigo you’re in South Africa. It’s my second favorite part of the world.

  148.  #148Iamabutterfly on December 6, 2012 at 6:08 am

    feeling sad and defeated.

    feeling unsure about the future.

    I was waiting for someone today, and I saw SMC. He was about to walk right by me, and I don’t know, I felt weird, and so I blurted out “hey” and I swear I sounded like a man, and he was like “hey” and he looked weirded out or sad or something…

    I feel so weird about this last year. The decisions I’ve made, the things I’ve said and haven’t said, where I am now.

    It doesn’t feel right.

    It feels foreign and slow and I don’t feel welcome here…

    and I feel regret…

  149.  #149Iamabutterfly on December 6, 2012 at 6:09 am

    I rushed on a big project and didn’t do my best and I feel tremendous guilt about that.

    It’s like it’s reminding me of every failure I’ve ever had…

  150.  #150Iamabutterfly on December 6, 2012 at 6:13 am

    I’m thankful for:

    1. Christmas decorations, and people who go crazy with them
    2. A night to make my own place look pretty
    3. a gift of $ that I plan on using to bake lots of goodies for this weekend to share with others.
    4. A true friend, that lives nearby and is always there for me, who I finally felt like I could help in some way, after having her help me so much…

    It’s okay to feel sad, but there’s still so much to feel grateful for…

  151.  #151Tam on December 6, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Yes, it is ok to feel sad.
    It’s ok to feel sad.
    It’s ok to feel sad.

    I hadn’t planned on it today – I had planned on feeling happy and content. Instead I feel sad and kind of limp and energy-less.

    So what.

  152.  #152Tam on December 6, 2012 at 6:27 am

    It’s ok to feel sad and it’s ok to feel ignored.
    It’s ok to feel ungrateful for not having wishes fulfilled.
    But it’s not ok to beat oneself up, to doubt ones actions and mull over the past. That’s not ok.

  153.  #153April Rose on December 6, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Thank you Luzydel (re.90)
    A simple and clear feeling message followed by a question. Lovely!

  154.  #154April Rose on December 6, 2012 at 6:38 am

    “A man who is healthy, not struck down by his issues, and in love with us will try to claim us. Even a man who has issues will/might still at least try if he can.”

    Thanks for this, Tam.
    I think there is another case in which a man will not rush forth to claim us, and that is if he is a feminine energy man.

    WM has stepped back since I’ve been circular dating. To him it’s not acceptable. He acts wounded and talks about his need to ‘take care of himself’.

    Hey! That might be where EMK is coming from. He speaks for feminine energy men!!!!

  155.  #155April Rose on December 6, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Here’s a question to anyone feeling down or sad or defeated:

    Have you got clutter in your home?
    It has a huge effect on mood and emotions.

    Last night I went through FOUR big boxes of untouched stuff that sits in the spare room.
    Feeling so much lighter and clearer today.

    The lady who has helped me most in this is Karen Kingston.
    Her website is at

  156.  #156Tam on December 6, 2012 at 6:47 am

    April Rose, interesting. It’s more my mind that is cluttered.

  157.  #157Goodheart on December 6, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Heartbeat! 🙂 I felt so happy to see your name on here again. Do you still have that beast you think is a cat? 🙂

    Tereana (104), honestly, I felt the same way. Unzippering my heart felt like a foreign concept until Dominique told me exactly how to do it. I can’t recapture her words, but what I did was this – I was relaxed in bed & just pictured my heart. I tried to imagine what it looked like & felt like. I pictured a protective covering over it with a zipper. I just really relaxed into the image. And then I slowly unzipped the protective covering, letting my real heart show little by little. I felt it & slathered love on it and kept telling it that it was safe. By the time I was done I was crying, but I felt more open somehow.

    It was the start of really loving myself & trusting myself.

    Even if we came to the blog around the same time, everyone’s journey is different. I have friends who have been married over 10 years. Ones who are going through a divorce and others who are single.

    I’m pretty sure you’re younger than me too & I sometimes wish I discovered all this sooner 🙂

  158.  #158Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Goodheart, would you say that unzippering your heart was the best tool you used?

    If not what would be your tips to those of us who are still baby stepping it on the dating scene?

  159.  #159Goodheart on December 6, 2012 at 6:54 am

    I love the name GlowStix – reminds me of the 4th of July & Christmas parades 🙂

  160.  #160Mel on December 6, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Yay Goodheart! My heart feels warmed reading your story! ♥

  161.  #161Mel on December 6, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Oh wow Starla, crazy! 🙂

    Mr A has told me that he would never had contacted me had I not “dropped the hanky” as you put it. He said he though he had messed up terribly and that I would never have entertained talking to him. My really casual, no expectations email gave him the slim crack of an opening in the door he was hoping for.

    (((QZ))) (((Starla)))

  162.  #162Goodheart on December 6, 2012 at 7:08 am

    SMB, for me the unzippering tool was huge because I was so unaware – I didn’t even know how closed off I was. I didn’t realize I had to open up in order to let love in (even if it was my own love).

    The best tip I used for dating I found in an Abraham Hicks book (The Vortex?) & it was so simple: Just be relaxed & fun about dating.

    I took the pressure off & just went into each date expecting fun & absolutely did not think beyond that. It only took a few of those dates before the One showed up.

    I love love love Abraham Hicks. And I love The Secret website. There are visualization tools on there (short 2-3 minute videos) that I start my day with. Combined with Rori, it’s like a double shot of espresso 🙂

  163.  #163Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 7:16 am

    #162 Goodheart

    Thank you, I am an Abe lover too. 😀

    I need to get back into it again. I am sooo happy for you and would like some of what you have please oh great Universe. 😀

  164.  #164Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 7:19 am

    SMB if I may? Unzippering the heart tool is huge for me as an individual, nothing to do with dating. Now that I have included it as part of the mediation routine it seems that I am actually finding myself and pouring love on myself easier. It is easier for me to know and follow the leading of my heart.

  165.  #165Tam on December 6, 2012 at 7:20 am

    ….urgh…nono…no hanky dropping for me. I am not doing it, I am staying strong and on my horse. My hankies are in my pocket for someone who will pick them up. Urgh.
    Guess I have a tentative new CD, the Classic Porsche man. He just messaged me. Sigh. I dunno.
    He reminds me of some actor…one who is possibly already dead…but I can’t think of a name.
    He is another whack older than MrP even. Makes him look like a baby. Jeez.

  166.  #166Mercedes on December 6, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Wow! Heartbeat! It’s been a long time…hope all is well with you!

    Much Love,

  167.  #167Tam on December 6, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Hm. I even go as far as to say that MrP wanted to be catapulted out of my life. The last time I saw him, he was kind of winding me up…and pushing me to do this. He got his exit.
    He came, had dropped his manners, offloaded his problems for a couple of hours and then it got physical…it was like a little ‘let’s make sure I have a good evening’ thing going on and it felt weird, more like ‘let’s see how far I can go until she cracks’.
    He brought nothing to my house, didn’t offer to take me out anywhere and spent the whole evening tell me about his plans and what bothers him (meanwhile I was open and warm, kinda) and then it was even better after all of my ‘benefit-giving’ to hear ‘I am not your bf’…..oh, ok. Even if I had been in this for the benefits, I would have had to notice that there were no benefits for me.
    I didn’t even get a drink or something to eat…other than what I provided…I was listener, comforter and physical release person….and the sex wasn’t even that good. So, no benefits for me whatsoever.
    He knew it was coming. And yet he pushed.
    Nah, I am really new to this ‘loving myself’, but even I know that I am loving myself way too much to throw my pearls before swine again.
    It’s not his fault, he was just doing what some men do…trying to get away with getting as much as possible without giving much.
    It was me who almost accepted that and then finally had a ‘what was I thinking’ banner flash inside my head.
    I feel better now that has been processed again.
    I was still stuck on how he treated me at the beginning of the year which was totally different…so ok. Got to stay in the present and in the present that was just not good enough, not even close.
    I am not a shop where you can help yourself to everything you need, for free. He is not my child, I believe unconditional love is for offspring.
    Not for man-babys.

  168.  #168Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 7:55 am

    #164 FW

    The unzippering the heart tool is (may I say?) one that I am pretty good at. 🙂 Not just from here but from many years learning on my spiritual journey. I love myself more now than I ever, ever did.

    I was looking for other “tips” as I am an information junkie. 😀

  169.  #169Emerson on December 6, 2012 at 7:58 am

    I feel nervous to start dating again. What do I talk about?
    I like what sirens mentioned about asking questions on first dates like “do you still believe in the dream?”
    asking about what they are looking for early on is easier but I have not really done that.
    I miss the days when I had so many friends and I met new men all the time.

  170.  #170BAB/Rebekah on December 6, 2012 at 8:00 am

    No more waiting. March I am going to Denver to visit my sister..
    Also next year Iam going to Canada, iv been waiting for N to suggest we go together, but I’m waiting no longer! I know no one in Canada so it should be interesting but I don’t care I’m going just the same! Yay a traveling:) I feel excited!

  171.  #171Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 8:01 am

    #169 Emerson

    You let the man lead the conversation.

    It is much easier to ask the “dream” question on the first date or two. I always pay close attention to how a man speaks about his family especially the female members. I am not wanting to be with a man who calls women b*tches or w*ores or any derogatory or insulting terms.

  172.  #172Emerson on December 6, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Ive gone through so many changes this year moving and changing jobs. No wonder I’m stressed.

  173.  #173Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Awwr@ GlowStix….
    cute name…

  174.  #174Emerson on December 6, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Hi smb thank you

  175.  #175BAB/Rebekah on December 6, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Feeling really annoyed still, after being told by a volunteer group they probably couldn’t use me because they are a faith based organization and because I live with my bf I’m probably not the best role model… Grrrr I just wanna give back and you are making me feel very unworthy of doing that.. Pissed.

  176.  #176Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Can a Siren outline the unzippering the heart tool please?

    Fw’s opening the heart meditation brought up So much sadness I feel scared to meditate…

  177.  #177BAB/Rebekah on December 6, 2012 at 8:11 am

    I feel judged.. I feel like what others say about me matter..
    I like when ppl talk about me.
    I feel ok with being judged..

  178.  #178Emerson on December 6, 2012 at 8:14 am

    I like what you said about a man claiming us if its real. I had a man like that but I was not ready for it. I broke it off with him.

    He was a very good man but also very very jealous, and it used to stress me out. He would get mad and jealous.

    He was also the guy whose smell was off to me. He was clean and didn’t stink, but his distinctive personal smell that we all have… It was not appealing to me. Perhaps it was a primal warning that our genes are not compatible for offspring lol…
    I don’t know.
    It felt good to be claimed, but I want it again with the right guy….

  179.  #179Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Mel – i feel curious…what did you casual email say?

  180.  #180BAB/Rebekah on December 6, 2012 at 8:16 am

    I judge so many ppl at times and I know that’s where my fear of being judged comes from..
    I feel ashamed I judge.. I love my shame.

  181.  #181Emerson on December 6, 2012 at 8:19 am

    There’s a man at work who keeps talking to me. Very nice…. I feel curious about him but I also feel so much fear coming up around it…

  182.  #182Emerson on December 6, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Bab sometimes feeling judged can be useful holding us accountable so to speak but I also feel like I don’t care what people think anymore because they don’t walk in my shoes. I’m sorry you feel judged…

  183.  #183Tam on December 6, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Emerson, yes, interesting. You know, it does feel good to be claimed for sure but it has to be a mutual feeling also…if something is off, I no longer force myself to ‘feel something’.
    Something is off with my ex also, and as long as that is the case I am not getting myself into anything.
    It’s the mutual thing that has proved so elusive to me over the last few years….oh well.

  184.  #184Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Heart it is that same meditation I have been using combined with what Goodheart describes above. Basically Rori just says to imagine your heart in a kind of ziploc bag with the little zipper on top. Just breath into your heart and imagine yourself unzippering the bag. Its all imagination and visualizatio. The meditation made me “feel” it more deeply I felt it radiating out and down my arms. This morning when looking for a parking spot I almost like reflex brought my attention to the heart space and felt it leading me to drive to a particular area I usually don’t and found a spot so easy it was unbelievable. I have opened up mind to believe that’s where my inner guidance and intuition is located.

  185.  #185BAB/Rebekah on December 6, 2012 at 8:26 am

    If I judge and focus on others flaws I won’t have to look so often at my own. I can feel safe not judging others or myself. I feel ok with my feelings..

  186.  #186Starla on December 6, 2012 at 8:29 am

    thanks mel:)

    it feels good to find women who understand why i wouldn’t want to stomp around angry and entitled to an apology.

    as far as how to ‘be’ and act with qz, i am just going to follow my intuition and inspiration and do what comes naturally and feels right, as best i can. and it’s not with the objective of mending romance with him, but with the objective of just letting my experiences come to pass in this way, whatever they may be.

    i want to trust myself more and more and just live like that

  187.  #187Starla on December 6, 2012 at 8:30 am

    i always imagine a vertical zipper going around my heart, like a sexy top that you unzip a little haha

  188.  #188Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Omg …had a great night…somehow though I went with my friend to CudG’s part of town…
    and I felt so sad at times…I dropped to the floor in the rest room twice…

    The pain & sadness was so intense…but I know it’s really not about the guy…I felt this pining feeling so many times before…
    I remember dropping to the floor for Manboy and now I feel so turned off by him.

    I’m evolving & levelling up…so all these feelings are coming up…All this stored grief.

    I feel Really Good right now…
    I feel happy & calm.

    I’m really Exhausted from all my emotions though…
    Wow…this year & all this stuff has been a lot.
    Healing can feel so draining.

    At any rate…I want to restart Dominique’s tension exercise.

  189.  #189Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 8:34 am

    it feels good to find women who understand why i wouldn’t want to stomp around angry and entitled to an apology. – Its counterintuitive

  190.  #190Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:36 am

    FW – I’ll try it again tomorrow…
    but….it’s a little traumatic for me…:)

  191.  #191Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Hi Starla & two are awesomeness Xx.

    lol…I was unipperin my heart while writing that….wow…this feels like Waterwheel..doesn’t it?

  192.  #192Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:40 am


  193.  #193BAB/Rebekah on December 6, 2012 at 8:41 am

    182- Humm that makes sense I never really looked at it that way. I feel mine comes from a poor self image and habits learned from my mom.

  194.  #194Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:44 am

    omg i love this blog!
    lets dance!

  195.  #195Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:45 am

    I feel this weird inzippering pulsating sensual feeling in my cjest.

  196.  #196Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:46 am


  197.  #197Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:47 am

    im stopping doing that now…

  198.  #198Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Happening Today: How to Embody Universal Feminine Energy in its finest form

    With Chrystal Andrus

    (10:45am PST / 11:45am MST / 12:45pm CST / 1:45pm EST)

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    Inside every woman is an essence of pure, magnificent energy-an emotional space that is receiving, loving, confident, allowing, intuitive, sexy, strong, and capable. When we step fully into this place, we become authentic and powerful beyond measure. Crystal calls this power Woman Energy

    Woman Energy is the only energy where we can create and sustain the greatest expressions of ourselves-in all areas from wealth to health, love to sex, parenting to friendships.

    This is universal feminine energy in its finest form. And it is available to any woman courageous and willing enough to break through her own limitations. Listen to the call with Crystal and learn how it really only takes honesty, accountability, and self-reflection to tap into YOUR Woman Energy!!!!

  199.  #199Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 8:54 am

    @ GlowStix

    I love your new nameMissStix! 🙂

  200.  #200heartbeat on December 6, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Yes I still have that beast 🙂
    That was the best laugh ever. (“Does it have a mane?”)
    Sending a hi-five and a huge hug xxx

  201.  #201Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:56 am

    stop..hammer time.

  202.  #202Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 8:57 am

    @ 125 Tereana

    You write beautifully… This felt sad to read, but same time hopeful. And captured me like a chapter of a good novel.

  203.  #203heartbeat on December 6, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Mercedes! – great to see you too! 🙂
    I hope life feels good.
    I’ve been on some journey, too much to write, but just passing through and happy to see you.
    Love xxx

  204.  #204Smile on December 6, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Aw my 2nd cd has just arranged a fun date. He has asked me to drive to him this time. He has been here twice. But It feels good that he is making all the plans.
    I told him, it feels great when the guy takes the lead with making plans. He was like, yeh I feel good to take the lead.
    I’m enjoying it as fun and nothing more. BUT… He has mentioned the distance thing twice. I haven’t mentioned anything about it just responded.
    Him: it’s a real shame you don’t live here.
    Me: yes I understand what you mean.
    Him: I did wonder about the distance?
    Me: it would feel good to just take each moment as it comes.

    Thing is, I don’t want to move there. It’s so hard not to think about this.

    I wonder if other sirens have experience of longer distance…? (2 hours)

  205.  #205Smile on December 6, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Tam, love your recent posts 🙂

  206.  #206Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Smile remember you are the prize

  207.  #207heartbeat on December 6, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Tereana – thank you for commenting!

    Thanks again to Dominique and Luzydel. After a wakeful night I decided to send a short text, because I still felt unsettled – it was my choice to leave the venue and my assumption that everyone would arrive at the same time. I’m glad I did, because he responded, so I could say a bit more, and eventually he called me. We’re going for a meal on Saturday.

    I had a real epiphany. Often I hold back, on the old assumption that I’ll always be abandoned anyway. But I opened up on the phone about my feelings and fears. He really listened and responded positively. I felt more confident and light.

    Thanks for helping me unravel! xxxx

  208.  #208Starla on December 6, 2012 at 9:09 am

    and what lovely prizes we all are 🙂

  209.  #209Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 9:09 am

    @ 138 Tam

    “The right man will run after us and not be deterred…he will not want to stay ‘just friends’ or friends with benefits because that means we can be snatched away at any minute.
    A man who is healthy, not struck down by his issues, and in love with us will try to claim us. Even a man who has issues will/might still at least try if he can. ”

    Thank you for this! Feels so good & hopeful to read!

    @ 154 April Rose

    “I think there is another case in which a man will not rush forth to claim us, and that is if he is a feminine energy man.

    WM has stepped back since I’ve been circular dating. To him it’s not acceptable. He acts wounded and talks about his need to ‘take care of himself’.

    Hey! That might be where EMK is coming from. He speaks for feminine energy men!!!!”

    Completely agree!

  210.  #210Iamabutterfly on December 6, 2012 at 9:13 am

    been thinking…

    Noticed this pattern…

    guys go away when I’m shutting off my heart and not speaking my feelings and closing myself off and putting up walls…

    so they go away, find another girl, and I feel sad…but I also feel safe again.

    I work on myself. It’s like I remember who I am and why I’m awesome and why I’m a catch…

    and meanwhile “he” has been with this other girl…

    and “he” sees me again, and realizes how much he misses me…

    and “he” comes back…

    and it makes me feel angry…

    because I feel abandoned by him…
    and I don’t “need” him anymore…

    and he might realize that I’m more fun, more deep, more whatever than the girl he is currently with…

    but the fact that

    A. He left me &
    B. She exists, and is still an option

    just infuriates me to no end…

    do you guys have any advice or insights on this?
    similar thoughts/feelings/experiences?

  211.  #211Smile on December 6, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Emerson- re dating, I’ve been letting the guys take the lead like SMB
    I felt nervous about conversations too but so far my CDs have lead the conversations.

  212.  #212Emerson on December 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

    I feel blank and annoyed with myself and my choices

  213.  #213Smile on December 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

    I am the prize!!! Yes FW! Thank you 🙂

  214.  #214Mercedes on December 6, 2012 at 9:39 am

    well Heartbeat…I’m happy to see you too…even if you are just passing through! 🙂

    All is well with me…same as last time we talked I would guess. I’m happy, happy, happy! 🙂

    Much Love,

  215.  #215Emerson on December 6, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Thanks sirens for your replies… Maybe it’s me and my feeling of pressure I put on myself to “entertain” or “make something happen” but I need to let the man lead and just relax….

  216.  #216Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 9:42 am

    @ 210 Iamabutterfly

    “and meanwhile “he” has been with this other girl…

    and “he” sees me again, and realizes how much he misses me…

    and “he” comes back…”

    I believe, for me, it would depend on what this “coming back” of him consits of. If the other girl is still an option, the coming back is not complete & wouldn’t be enough for me to take it seriously. I would give the prize of a better me to someone who would be there for me 100%.

  217.  #217Mel on December 6, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Heart, Tam

    I don’t think so much it was what my casual email SAID… but the vibe that came attached to it. I actually did not do it with any intention of getting a reaction (positive or negative). As in Starla’s case, where she called, no answer, “oh well…. la-dee-dah…” and went about her day forgetting all about it, my email was not about HIM at all.

    Basically, I accidentally came across some work he had done, felt quite appreciative and inspired by the WORK itself, and sent him a quick congratulations. At the time, I didn’t even know why I sent it. I guess just because I actually knew the person who did it so it was possible to practice feeling messages in this way on someone I didn’t care a bit about anymore? Honestly, I don’t know what motivated me; I really didn’t care if he even replied.

    But he did reply… and almost instantly (though I didn’t notice right away). He now says that he thought about me lots, felt like a complete idiot, but would never have contacted me had I not opened that door first. I didn’t really view it as opening a door at the time. But I guess I can see, from his perspective, a lady that doesn’t hold grudges, even if she’s interested in other men and isn’t necessarily expressing romantic interest, is “available” to be pursued. And he basically made it his mission to win me over.

  218.  #218Calypso on December 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Made it through court today without contacting GM. Back at work now – feeling stronger and more in control than ever.

  219.  #219Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

    has been with this other girl – Has he left her?

    We have to know what we don’t want, at times, to be very clear on what we do want.

    Sometimes a man is not ready because there are lessons that he still need to learn. Some other girls help the man to learn that lesson. I wonder if that is why Turnaround is part of Rori’s 7 Steps to Commitment?

  220.  #220Starla on December 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

    soo mah car is broken again! wtf!

    i am going to fix it MYSELF tonight. watch 😀

  221.  #221Mercedes on December 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Calypso: YAY!!! 🙂 I love this: “feeling stronger and more in control than ever”

    Focus on that feeling for a few minutes when you have time. Memorize it. I want you to refer to this memory anytime you start to feel weak!!!

    (and I don’t mean that in a bossy way…I mean it in a “oh my gosh this is so much what I want for you” way)

    Much Love,

  222.  #222Iamabutterfly on December 6, 2012 at 9:52 am

    @216 Ulii – Thanks. I think I see what you’re saying, but what I have observed is that “he” will break up with her, test the waters with me, and then, if I don’t bite as hard as he wants me to, he gets back together with her and marries her…

    but you know?

    I’m breaking patterns.

    screw this.

  223.  #223Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Congrats Calypso. I feel proud of you.

  224.  #224Starla on December 6, 2012 at 9:55 am

    calypso, yay girl, i knew you would feel really strong and good if you just forgot about chasing his support.


  225.  #225Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 10:05 am

    @ 204 Smile

    I have currently “active” CDs that are at 1h and 1,5h distance by driving. And I have no car nor driving licence myself, added that I have very few resources for traveling by other means these days. Although a bit frustrating, the situation is good for spotting out the cd-s that are willing to travel to me.

    MotoCD, the 1h-distance one I have already had 5 dates with, and he has come to my town every single time. He insinuated once I could go meet him in another town closer to him, I got a bit panicked and asked help (and Daria provided me with many good FMs for that situation – if you are member in Siren´s FB group, you could find them there maybe)…

    At the end I didn´t even got the chance to use them as he called and offered to pick me up that time too. Probably having noticed I felt a bit off about the suggestion and knowing I had money problems.

    On our last date he was saying something about “Oh…and when I drive to see you I have to take the same highway I take every morning to work..”
    And I was like..”Oh!…Poor you! You must be so bored! It’s so nice of you to drive here to see me” .. 🙂
    Then he looked at me & smiled & said “But don’t worry. It´s completely worth it.”

    The 1,5h one is Lawyer CD that works few times a week close to my town and the dates have been usually connected to these times he is travelling to here anyway. Nevertheless, there was a weekend where he suggested we’d meet. And I said “I am quite free still, but I was not planning to travel to anywhere, so if it doesn’t scare you to drive here, we might meet up.” And he’s answer to that was, of course..the driving is no problem..I enjoy driving.” 🙂

    Well…these are my experiences in the early cd-ing scene.

  226.  #226Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 10:09 am

    @ 218

    Great Calypso! You sound so strong! 🙂

  227.  #227Starla on December 6, 2012 at 10:10 am

    “A great way to stay out of resentment and sacrifice in relationship is to fill your “cup” first, not just to full – to overflowing. Now you can be of service from the OVERFLOW. When you put your needs first you can freely give to anyone you choose to (and choice is the key).

    Another thing to consider is that in a long-term relationship there will inevitably be challenges that come up. It doesn’t sound like you are looking to just have “fun” in the sense that when the going gets tough, that you would desire to disappear … to have a regular practice of self-care whether or not you are in relationship will lay a new foundation for how you behave in relationship.”

  228.  #228Iamabutterfly on December 6, 2012 at 10:11 am

    @227 Starla – Love that and needed that, Starla. Thanks. 🙂

  229.  #229Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 10:11 am

    #215 Emerson

    YES!! It can feel weird and uncomfortable not to fill in the gaps if the man is not a great conversationalist, but I don’t want that anyway……….

  230.  #230Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

    @ Emerson

    Adding to the letting the man to lead. I would also practice being comfortable with the silence.

    For me, it feels good to know, the men are human & probably a bit awkward & nervous as well as me. So if they are not completely fluent conversationalist, I also wouldn´t hold it aginst them.

    If the moments of silence occur…To me it´s a possibility of different-level connection to happen. Also to lean back and observe how the men will take the lead from there. And they usually will. 🙂

  231.  #231Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

    #217 Mel

    I do remember when you met Mr A and how you guys got together but I can’t remember if you were CD’ing at the time??

  232.  #232Starla on December 6, 2012 at 10:18 am

    mmhmm let’s all fill our cups to overflowing:)

  233.  #233Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 10:21 am

    #230 Uuli

    Yes of course you are right, the men probably do feel nervous and awkward and are not so used to leading in the conversation as most women do lean forward and talk, talk, talk, I know I used to. 🙂

  234.  #234Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 10:22 am

    #232 Starla

    My bra cups are overflowing, does that count? 😀

  235.  #235Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 10:24 am


  236.  #236Starla on December 6, 2012 at 10:27 am


    hahahaha yes, totally counts:P

  237.  #237Mel on December 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Oh yes, lots and lots of CDing! 🙂 So much so, that I wasn’t terribly interested in adding “another” to my rotation, but opted to… just for practice. 😉 Good thing!

  238.  #238ruth on December 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

    you need Bravissimo SMB
    Freya have some nice stuff out, all purple;)

    I like that quotation Starla

  239.  #239Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Fabulous Siren Mel. 😀

  240.  #240Silver Moonbeam on December 6, 2012 at 10:32 am

    #238 Ruth

    Only kidding Ruth, my last purchases were La Senza. 🙂

  241.  #241ruth on December 6, 2012 at 10:33 am


    I cant buy stuff from La Senza
    Im a weirdo size

  242.  #242Calypso on December 6, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Sirens – thanks for all who responded with support 🙂

    At one point today, I was sitting in the stairwell waiting for my attorney to go to talk to my ex’s attorney and i actually got into a medatative state right there int he stairwell – I was all swirly green vapor surrounding one central green light. I sat with my knees to my chest and my head on my knees – all curled up and pressed against myself and I felt so strong and at peace.

    Nothing was settled in court – we go back in Feb for mediation, but i feel like I had a breakthrough on my fear today big time! My inner warrior girl is very happy with me right now 🙂

  243.  #243Starla on December 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

    yay calypso

  244.  #244Tam on December 6, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Argh. I feel FRUSTRATED in capital letters.
    I was doing so well.
    And now I just found myself pining and hoping he’ll be back. Be back? For what? Another bashing and semi-rejection and quasi-relationship??
    OMG. I feel sick.
    I feel engulfed by some sickness that is telling me to stay stuck and suffer. I don’t want to.
    I don’t want to pine, hope and all the rest of it.
    I feel sad and I miss him and I can turn this around. I can turn this around, I can turn this around.
    What can I do for myself? I bought nice food and a DVD from the library. I will turn on my Xmas lights later and have a cosy night in.
    I feel like all this is just a band aid…but I am going to fake it until I make it and even if it means I have to fake it forever. 🙁

  245.  #245Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 11:03 am


  246.  #246Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 11:04 am


    Great one SMB! 😀 😀 😀

  247.  #247Ulii on December 6, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Tam, have you considered maybe…leaving Florida…changing the scenery that makes you connect linke with MrP all the time?.. Are you still there because you love it there more than anywhere else?

  248.  #248Tam on December 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

    247..Ulii..yep, the triggers are everywhere…and the fact that I will bump into him also eventually as we socialise at some of the same places although he doesn’t do much socialising…thankfully.
    I don’t want him to ruin it for me although if I hadn’t met him here while I still had a job in England, I might not even be here now..the fun times we had and the lifestyle he showed me did tip the balance, not him so much but the whole package.
    But no. I am trying to stay. I might not be able to anyway but I am trying to stay. I have other friends here, admittedly not as close but I do – and I am carving out a social circle, which sadly only seems to be older men – but that’s ok…it’s kind of nice in a way.
    I may only be here for a few more months and I feel angry if I let him have so much power over me that this whole stuff is tarnishing them. But it has.
    I am trying to re-wire my brain and make new memories at the old places, which I associate with him. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. The triggers get less, but they are still there.
    I will be ok.
    I am not now but I will be.

  249.  #249Miss Bells on December 6, 2012 at 11:13 am

    I can very much relate to all of this.
    I have thought of leaving many times–go someplace far away. But I have lived here since 1978, in the beautiful north bay wine country in Cali.
    People come here from all over the world for the beauty, and I am socially embedded here, now even getting involved with local politics.
    I am looking at a trip to Hawaii in March. The fares are cheap and I can couch surf…

  250.  #250Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Goodheart, I finally read your story – that is so beautiful and touching. It sounds like your dream come true!!


  251.  #251k2012 on December 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I just posted the following here as well just in case persons did not get to see it in the last blog. I just posted this in the last blog.

    “I am just getting to respond as the posts cannot open on my phone as the document is now too big for my phone, so i am using a desktop. Annie and Feminine woman, I think u misunderstood me a bit. Circular dating doesnt advocate casual sex.

    “And don’t try to get a man BACK with physical attraction and sex either. It’s a dead end street.”

    I was just agreeing with what Christian Carter said.

    Starla, i see ur good news with making contact with your ex. Is he seeing someone and are u seeing someone? To tell u the truth, for me, I will not initiate contact with my ex cause he was the one who disappeared on me. I know yours also disappeared on u too. It is really good that your ex responded that way though considering that he was the one who disappeared. Sometimes they are afraid, I believe and I know that maybe that is the case with my ex. I said earlier that I will not respond to texts, e-mails and facebook messages from him. I am beginning to change my mind about that. If he contacts me by those methods, i would respond but would do so after a few days so as not to let him think that I am anxious. Not getting back involved with him though as boy, A LOT OF CHANGES WOULD HAVE TO BE MADE IF I WAS TO GO BACK TO HIM. First, I do not want any more long distance relationship as i cannot deal with it. Its is too difficult. My hairderesser/relationship counsellor has told me that it has been revealed to her by the Holy Spirit that LD relationships will not work with me. Anyway…………. Starla, keep us up to date with happenings

  252.  #252Tam on December 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    K2012…I feel similarly to what you wrote. Even if my guy came back, and I won’t contact at all, so I can at least see whether he wants to reconnect and not just respond…
    Even if he did that, which is unlikely as I removed theground from under his feet…
    So sooooo much would have to change.
    It’s probably more likely to see snow in Florida.

  253.  #253Tam on December 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Timemakes us look at things through rose-tinted spectacles also…need to avoid that. No more beautifying the past.

  254.  #254LoveAlways on December 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm



  255.  #255Starla on December 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    i struggle to believe cliches about relationships and human behavior

    they feel bad anyway.

  256.  #256Starla on December 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    k2012 i don’t know if he’s seeing anyone. doesn’t really matter to me;)

    i’m not seeing anyone but i could be any second now if i wanted to:P i like being single right now.

  257.  #257Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Starla I am with you. I am not into painting myself into a corner. I have experienced you as being authentic and honest throughout. Open to experiencing and watching to see what the Universe does. It seems pointless to be making decisions and then second guessing oneself.

  258.  #258Starla on December 6, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    fw, that is one of the most comforting things i have read in a long time, thank you.

  259.  #259k2012 on December 6, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    I hear u Tam. Starla, suppose he wanted to start afresh with u provided he is single, would u give him another chance? Would u circular date with him if u were to give him another chance?

  260.  #260Starla on December 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    k2012 yes, and yes i would circular date until he brought up exclusivity

  261.  #261Starla on December 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    i will circular date with ANY man until he brings up exclusivity. that’s just a given 😀

  262.  #262Starla on December 6, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    i used cd’ing as a threat, not as a way of taking care of myself and not getting prematurely invested.

  263.  #263k2012 on December 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I hear u Starla. The thing circular dating will really keep these men on their toes. When u meet them and u are in the getting to know u stage, they will ask if u are seeing someone else. I will answer no, as long as it is the first man but give him the speech u guys mention about keeping your options open. Then they will not relax as they will know u are willing to go out with someone else. So u become sexually exclusive with him and when the next man comes along now and ask u if u seeing anyone u say yes and give them the speech and u do the same for the third. One day at least one of them must step up to the plate and say they serious and want to marry u. Yeah man.

  264.  #264Becky on December 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    I am struggling with how to tune into my true needs in a relationship. My head says one thing, but in my heart, I really want a good man who is caring and funny, loyal and honest, and who treats me like a queen. Part of my hang up with dating is dating men who are feminine energy, who want me to take the lead in courting, and frankly who are stingy.
    At the same time though, I have a big inner conflict because I feel guilty for wanting a guy who treats me to dinner, opens doors, says he loves me, buys me flowers. I feel like I’m being shallow. How do I know if I’m being shallow? If I’m dating a good guy but he only wants to meet me halfway in the relationship, meaning he doesn’t want to woo me, he doesn’t communicate me very often, he doesn’t want to make love very often. Do I hope he’ll step up to the plate? Can I do something to make him step up to the plate? Or do I keep holding out for a man who might not exist? And most of all, how do I accept myself what my true needs are?
    Thank you. Also, do any members of this group talk on the havetherelationshipyouwant facebook page?

  265.  #265Smile on December 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Ulii thank you! It felt great to read how you are juggling it all. After I read your post to me I felt like I didn’t have enough on the go to keep my focus off this one. Soooo…Now they are coming out of my ears lol! I will have to get a book sirens keep talking about to keep track!

    I feel much more relaxed now, thank you.

  266.  #266Smile on December 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    I experimented with the soft velvet hammer sharing with a guy who felt like a boy to see if he’s got what it takes…

    I totally said what I felt, soft on the outside strong on the inside. I didn’t think he would reply… Actually he seemed more keen! Wow!

    I have nothing to lose and everything to gain 

  267.  #267Tam on December 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    263 k2012..that’s the theory…but the point is that no matter how many men you circular date, when you are in love with someone, it just doesn’t work so clear cut…I always circular dated….actually naturally also, as I usually had men friends etc.
    It’s nice, gets you out of the house and can be fun..I just never worked out how you keep yourself from liking one person more than another…because unless we are robots, it seems kind of impossible.

  268.  #268Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Reading goodheart’s story has made me do a little inner comparison – not in a bad way. Just – what can I make of this?

    If it’s okay, I’ll share a little of my own story, when my man “proposed” to me.

    You see, he had a different ‘style.’ I guess he was more shy, or less public, or something. But we were in niagara falls on July 4th. We had just watched two weddings in one day, and were spending the rest if the weekend together. He kept dropping hints about our future, and I knew that he might propose, but I did not know when.

    And the way that he did it was a little secretive. I was napping, and he came up and out his arm around me. I opened my eyes, and there was the open box with the ring. I was so surprised, but not in a good way. It felt like “wrong time, wrong place, I’m not ready.” I was half asleep. Not properly dressed. How could he ‘ambush’ me like that? Lol

    So I got kind of “controlly.” but only because it wasn’t quite what I wanted – I wanted someone who could do what goodheart’s bf did. Someone who could ‘ambush’ me in public. Let it be known how much he cared about me. And if he was “shy” it would mean all that much more if he did.

    OR, I could have just accepted it, like Dominique did, with her man. Maybe it wasn’t the perfect ‘vision’ of her dream, but underneath that, the man and the relationship were what she wanted, and that was more important than the peripherals.

    I don’t know the answer here. Maybe the ‘relationship’ I had then was what I wanted. Maybe the man wasn’t. Or vice versa.

    He did the same thing with our first kiss. He was “afraid” to do it where others could see us. And it always bothered me – that sense of fear, nervousness.

    I want a love that is NOT afraid. A love that is NOT shy. A love that is bold and alive and doesn’t care what it “looks” like, because it cares more about the Love. It wants to be ‘our there.’ it wants to be public. Because the man that is right for me wants EVERYONE to know that he loves me. Not just his friends. Not just his family. He doesn’t want to keep me a secret, locked in a closet just for himself. He wants to CLAIM me – in front of the world. In front of everyone.

    “This is my Woman. I am proud of who she is; I am proud to be with her. She amazes me. I want everyone to know how wonderful she is, and I won’t stop until the whole world knows.”

    THAT is what I want. And do you know what? I think it is okay to have what I want, and it is OKAY to wait until i get it. I do not need to ‘settle’ just because he fell in love with me. I can have the WHOLE PIE – no pieces missing. And I can start with myself.

    I love me. I love all the parts of me – the good, the bad, and the ugly. I accept all of me. I am amazed and in awe of me. I appreciate my beauty, my juiciness, my sensuousness. I live waking up with me, and being myself. I love my soul, my energy. I want to ‘claim’ me in front of the world – I am Me! And now you can’t forget it. Once you have “encountered” me, you experienced power. You have witnessed life unfolding. You want to fall into its luscious juices and stay there forever, and thats okay. I can accommodate that. But I only have room for ONE powerful man. I only have room for one man to elevate me, and to be elevated by me. Only one man to enjoy my presence every day, knowing I am ‘his,’ but knowing that he doesn’t – can’t – really “own” me.

    This is my dream.

    May it be so…

  269.  #269Starla on December 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    rori helps us minimize the risk in dating and love by espousing circular dating.

    i love this.

    i don’t love how i tried to minimize my risks by being a total control freak about most every aspect of the relationship. oh and of course i ‘played’ it cool, trying to act like i didn’t need to control anything. hahahahaa lies

    i believe i am different now:)

  270.  #270Starla on December 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    i intend to take much bigger risks in love

    i intend for them to not even FEEL like risks though:)

    ohhhhhh big love

    i’m full of big love


    it feels good

    my cup feels full.

  271.  #271Tam on December 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    I mean, it’s (for me) no good when a man offers me a ring and everything and at the mere thought of having to spend a whole weekend with him, watching stupid TV shows and watching paint dry and grass grow, I want to puke. Puke my guts out.
    Feck the ring. I mean, really!
    That’s how I feel…sorry if that offends anyone..but I did get it all offered to me on a plate and a good man thrown in with it – but it wasn’t right. So back to square one it was for me, and that was back to mancrack at the time. And that hasn’t got me anywhere either, except experience.
    Ah well 😉

  272.  #272Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Starla – I was wondering what QZ stood for. And now i feel curious what ‘sovereign gibberish’ means. Is that a Rori thing, or did you make that up? It sounds interesting….

  273.  #273Tam on December 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Starla, you sound great!

  274.  #274Smile on December 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Being on match can feel overwhelming. Emailing with a few men all at once can feel time consuming. I noticed I start to get hooked into replying to each one. So I took a step back. I replied to the ones I felt like replying to at that moment. When it got to the time I wanted to stop at, I logged off despite if I had replied or not. I don’t want to feel urgency and
    Obliged to reply now. I’ll reply on Saturday which is when I might next have time to go on. I don’t want it to consume my life. I feel great. 

  275.  #275Smile on December 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Becky, have you shared your wants? I said to 2cd, it feels good when a guy takes the lead, he was like I can totally do that. Next thing I knew he texed to say he had booked and paid on line.

  276.  #276Starla on December 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    tereana, i made it up.

  277.  #277GingerSky on December 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    I’ve been doing some *amazingly* great FMs lately, and screwing up sometimes too. My GPS tells me lovely things almost all the time, esp if I stick with my new healthier gluten-free GAPS-type diet. I am also better at hearing when that other GPS starts in with the barely audible NVs. It feels bad in my whole body now, and I don’t like it, no longer have the pain-addiction that fosters the NVs. I feel bigger than the NVs and just let them deflate themselves while cradling my inner self more and loving the parts of me that the NVs represent and highlight the needy parts of. The NVs just seem crappy and unhelpful, draining and pointless, like totally hollow time & energy wasters.

    I love my GPS.

    I love my

  278.  #278GingerSky on December 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    I love my inner and outer me, and all my neediness and my ability to cradle and love on me!

    Rori, I love hearing your voice when you were talking about the animals! It shifted my vibe up another lovely notch!

  279.  #279k2012 on December 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    There is a facebook page? Really. I never knew that. I should check it out. Becky-” Can I do something to make him step up to the plate?” I hope Rori reads your question. I bet there is something u can do to make him step up to the plate. Cause boy, there is no perfect man out there. No one is perfect any way. Congratulations, goodheaert. Your story sounded really exciting and enchanting. From I reached the parrt about the little box, I didn’t have to wonder what was in it. I knew. Kudos to u and your hubby to be. Everyone’s journey is so different. A few days ago, one of my sisrers reminded me that my former relationship was ahead of hers. I didn’t even remember that. When I checked the time span, my now failed relationship was nine months ahead of my sister’s as mine started in July 2011 and hers started just April this year. She is now engaged while my relationship ended abruptly in July, one year after it started. My prospective brotherlaw knew what he was looking for and knew he had met his wife after knowing her for only a few weeks. Yeah man, he knew this was it when he met my sister. In the meantime, mine started out well too but in the middle of it, I suspected there was someone when I heard the “dropping of the phone” explanations too often after a disappearance and then the final disappearance in July here. So everybody’s timeline is different. Every man’s timeline to get married is also different.

  280.  #280Goddess Lily on December 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Congratulations Goodheart!!! I feel A TON envious but congratulations still!!

  281.  #281Goddess Lily on December 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    I just found out the guy I went to a wedding with recently is trying to date one of my friends. Somehow I feel less than now.

  282.  #282Starla on December 6, 2012 at 3:19 pm


    you are beautiful and powerful. you, maam, are NOT less-than.

  283.  #283Goddess Lily on December 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    I went on a first date with TravelCD last night. He lives in DC which is no where near me, but he does 100% travel for his job. Monday through Thursday he works about an hour away from me. Anyway, the date ended up lasting 3 hours. I know that’s a no no but I didn’t really notice the time and he had already driven a considerable distance after his work day. Prior to the date he originally was suggesting dinner spots that were so expensive I felt uncomfortable. Like I can’t even pronounce half the menu nor want to afford it if he’s the type of guy who does pay. He settled on a “reasonable” Italian place.

    Anyway, good conversation. I found out more about him. We talked about our experience so far with He’s planning to take down his profile because he doesn’t think he is having much luck (thanks dude). He also said he met his now ex gf on match and they were together for a year. He said that didn’t work because she was so insecure (uh oh I thought). He gave some examples of her insecurity and also admitted some fault in that. Like having a ton of female friends, some of which he used to sleep with. I agree that some of her behavior wasn’t good (like not wanting him to go to lunch with female coworkers) but I also wouldn’t like some of what he did the way he explained it.

    So now I ask, what is the message? Is it that I am still insecure and don’t trust men? Or is it that I need to recognize this is a deal breaker and a boundary I can practice expressing?

  284.  #284GingerSky on December 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    #264 Becky Yes! What is it with the femme energy men being stingy?! I find this too… it has always caught me off guard. But it seems SO consistent… they are in their feminine receiving energy and on their femme side needing to be treated like a lady, given to, and I find they invariably had highly rejective/disapproving and even narcissistic self-absorbed mothers. Had a long deep emotion-sharing convo with my guy housemate here about that last night. He said they are terrified and broken inside, and are expressing that they are afraid of closeness bc they need it so badly… but are really just trying to get a woman (or women) to help heal them, not to actually get in to a relationship, which would be over their heads.

    I have experienced a number of stingy attitudes from these kinds of men. And I have judgments and triggers on it. I *love* my judgments and triggers! And I release them.

    Men I’ve been with often, regardless of major huge accomplishments in their professional fields etc, seem like 5 year olds. “Don’t touch my pen! It’s mine and you’ll use up the ink! Get your own! Don’t eat my crackers! I don’t carry heavy things for women! If you didn’t want to carry it you shouldn’t have brought it (even though I almost always carry everything for myself anyway)” As if anything they share, do or give will take a pound of flesh from them, which tells me (at least in my imaginary story of it) that their mothers prevailed on them too much and dominated, neglected, were self-centered or unrewarding to them? But it is always the femme men who do this ime.

    Oh, my femme man (not my man really) is here… lol… he sways between generosity and stinginess and he feels attacked by things I don;t realize are attackish from me. but I am so in a learning process and I thank him!

  285.  #285k2012 on December 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    “Like having a ton of female friends, some of which he used to sleep with.” Sounds familiar, Goddess lily. When ex boyfriend and I were just friends and co workers some 24 years ago, he had lots of female friends including me which is what I was before. Years later when we got involved, female friends are more like friends with benefits as far as he is concerned. I heard this from my hairdresser/relationship counsellor. In fact when he visited bme the day before he disappeared, I heard him telling a male friend of his, that he was at “one of his girlfriend’s houses.” Can u imagine that? When he was telling me about any female friend, he would say “one of my girlfriend’s so and so, so and so.” So to hear him refer to me as “one of his girlfriends, that sounded like u would say “a friend of mine so and so. He had no idea that I heard him.

  286.  #286Dominique on December 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Becky – 264 – You keep imagining the man of your dreams, yet you remain open and curious about any man with whom you date or even just crosses your path.

    And you also continue to keep your focus on you, filling your life with people you love and love to be with, activities and/or work which fulfills you, makes you FEEL something.

    You can’t make someone step up. The right man just will.


  287.  #287Daria on December 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    I’m in love w dancer Daria

    Eating all organics

    Do the insIDE of cans have BCPs


  288.  #288Femininewoman on December 6, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Goddess Lily while reading and before getting to your questions the thing that came to mind was “this is about speaking up and setting boundaries”

  289.  #289Luzydel on December 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Starla, Heartbeat and all the risk takers 🙂

    I am starting to do this; lean forward a bit and see what happens; But First I had to work on myself, my inner strength etc. I didn’t CD men for 6 months working on myself; I understand that Rory tells us not to lean forward because our self esteem may be so low that it can be detrimental to us. In modern Siren she said I real Siren Can lean forward, Actually she can do anything, but first you have to work on your self esteem…(something like that I’m just paraphrasing).

    Sometimes throwing the “hanky” may not bring results, but then you go inside yourself and feel your feelings, were you expecting too much? are you strong enough to be above rejection?

    Self esteem starts with knowing that you will be fine even if the other person screwed up…

  290.  #290Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Here is an “Understand Men Tip” from Jonathon Aslay:

    Here’s what a man thinks is super sexy:

    1. Your sexy, manicured nails softly scratching or caressing his arm.
    2. When your hair is a little messy, not quite perfect, because it reminds him of after-sex hair.
    3. When your makeup heightens your beauty but doesn’t conceal it or change it.
    4. You love your body and make your health a priority.
    5. You put high heels on just for him.
    6. You revel in your femininity.

    I don’t know why, but I feel kind of weird and uncomfortable thinking about doing all these things – about dressing myself up and “trying” to make myself appealing to a man. In my opinion that NEVER works.

    #6 kind of hits the spot – YES, revel in your femininity.

    But for some reason, I hate the idea of being feminine “for him.” Putting heels on “for him.” If I put heels on because I want to and they make me feel feminine, then I’m sure it will turn him on. But not because I did it “for him.” If I did it for him, he’d probably feel I was “working” too hard to get his attention. He could feel it. Ick. It’s not a performance, right?

    Or do I feel uncomfortable because I am not yet all that “comfortable” with my femininity?…

    Digging deep here, it still feels as if I need to “apologize” for being female/feminine/a woman. I need to keep my hair as orderly as possible, because I don’t want a man to see me “messy.” Suggesting sex feels vulnerable, and I’m judging myself for being sexy.

    I can work on this. Deeply loving all my feminine parts, and the parts that feel “dirty, ugly, and messy.”


    Sending love to those areas that I don’t think I can like. That I don’t believe are likeable. It is only a belief. It can change…..

  291.  #291Dominique on December 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Nope Tereana, I’m with you on this. This is ALL for you, not him. So that you can feel good within you, for you, about you. That he enjoys it too is just a nice little extra, FOR YOU.

    By the way K would HATE it if I ran my fingernails anywhere on his body.


  292.  #292Goddess Lily on December 6, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    FW: Thank you. I’m trying to focus on learning.

    Also on my date last night, he made two sexual innuendos that were not quite subtle. Not flirty in nature, just kind if ew.

  293.  #293Violette on December 6, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Hi Smile,

    I have been recently dating a guy who lives about 2 hours away, and he’s always driven to me…I hate driving so much, if he asked me to drive I’d tell him I was overwhelmed with driving and could he just come to me, but that’s because it really isn’t worth driving for me. I probably go a little too far in that direction, but to me it seems fine to let him drive up every time.

    As for me I feel icky today. The guy that I got sexual with too soon called last night. I didn’t think he would since I’d brought up sexual exclusivity and it didn’t go well last week. In the middle of the phone conversation last night the phone cut off and he didn’t call back. I called by 30 mn later to say goodnight to his voicemail, then he called about 30 mn after that. I was asleep, and he didn’t leave a message. Feels messy, stupid. I really just want to let go of all these feelings!! I don’t want to be hung up on him just because he has charisma and charm, and plays games. I don’t want to be hung up anyone ever!
    Just wanted to say that.
    I’m really glad I’m going on a date with a cute and interesting man next week, and tonight I’m going to a holiday party and flirt with everyone there (a tried and true cure all (: )

  294.  #294Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Dancer Daria,

    I carried the texts thru with Air, the clueless CD. Hahaha — arrrgh! — hahaha — arrrgh! So I got a little practice. I’m getting the picture. If I CD, few dates will go beyond 1, 2, or 3 dates…IF they even get to one date.

    In our first phone conversation about a month ago, I clearly said I do not want a man to come to my house for a first date, and that I want to meet in a public place. He kept pushing it, and I stated it clearly, saying I was not into having sex on the first date, so if that was what he was about, let’s not waste each other’s time. He assured me that’s not what he was about.

    Fast forward thru a number of brief text session over the past several weeks, where he acted clueless over and over. To tonight…

    Air: What’s up?

    Me: Hey

    Air: So when can I come over to hang out?

    Me: Tonight or tomorrow night would be a good time. What do you think?

    Air: I can come over to your place?

    Me: I feel a little annoyed being asked that, after I made a real big point to say I want to meet in a public place for at least the first time…

    Air: Cool bye

    I could have left it there, but I thought I’d just get a little more practice…

    Me: So you only want to meet women who are willing to meet at their houses for the first time? I wonder if you are aware that it is the accepted rule of thumb in the dating world, to meet in a public place the first time?

    20 min later no response so I rubbed the salt in…

    Me: ANY self-respecting woman will interpret that as you are only interested in meeting a woman who is willing to have sex the day you meet. What do you think?

    Air: I said we can meet at the convenience store down there or something.

    Me: That feels yucky…totally unromantic!

    Air: Cool bye…

    Me: I could write home and say, Oooh, Mom! I have a first date at the convenience store! Bye.

    Air: I do not care what you think…I work 12 hour shifts. I do not have time for your crap. Bye. Lose my number.

    Me: Best wishes on finding a woman who is willing to be treated second class.

    Air: Lose my number, thanks

    LOL! 😆 I got me some practice!

  295.  #295Goddess Lily on December 6, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    294 Radlove,

    Wow, just wow. That was just special. Hilariously sad. I have only bad words for him but I admire your desire to practice and play things out.

  296.  #296Goddess Lily on December 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Thank you Starla. I just feel rejected even though the guy really isn’t that great. And to have it be for my friend makes that feel a little worse.

  297.  #297Luzydel on December 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Ouch I missed a call from Match CD; e called me from his home number so I did not recognized the number; he left a vm. I returned his call. Seems like playing phone tag…

    he got a Jersey accent I like it 🙂

  298.  #298Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Hm…interesting how “being wanted” makes me feel…

    At first, special. Goddessy. And then…suspicious. And then guilty. And then afraid. Afraid of what? What could possibly be bad?

    Well, I had a guy tell me from afar today that he wants me “all to himself.” and that he wants “ALL of me.”

    Joking, I asked, “even the dirty ugly bits?”

    To which he replied something about my intestines. At first, I thought he was funny. But then it took on this whole story of fear – he’s a psycho killer and he wants “all my bits” in his freezer! Yipes!

    So I wrote back that I felt nervous about that. Luckily, he specified that he wants me “in his arms.” I said that sounded a lot warmer 🙂

    Man, I really have to start trusting people! But at the same time, I trust people a lot. And it’s when I trust them that I get hurt. I am afraid that one day when I let down my guard, I will make myself “open” to a man, and he will be so charming that he will beguile me, and next thing you know it’s on the 6:00 news. *sigh*

    I hate when people live in fear. It must be because that’s what I do all the time! :-/

    Maybe I need Rhonda Britten as a coach….

  299.  #299Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Ok, here’s the thing. I get the “girlfriend trap” idea. I don’t want to be a girlfriend forever. And I don’t want to date a guy for 9 years only to have it end. That would be horrible. I’d be too old to have kids! (honestly, I don’t think I could get the far with a guy and not be married, but for the sake of the story…)

    The point is, guys don’t marry some woman they see on the street (anymore). Men are discerning also. Men want to be “sure” because a lot of them don’t want to risk a divorce. My new CD who I liked so much confessed to me that he was exploring polyamory because he felt the divorce rate was so high, so maybe monogamy wasn’t working anymore, as a system (my words, but his ideas). That made me sad. I asked him if he had “given up” on finding everything in one person. I haven’t. But that’s not the point.

    The point is, guys don’t marry women they “date.” they marry their girlfriends. Yeah, you might not want to be a girlfriend long-term. I don’t. But it might be a necessary stepping stone to get further along down the road.

    Wow, my body is feeling like it is missing something. I wonder what I can do right now to love myself?

  300.  #300Indigo on December 6, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Thanks MissStix 🙂 I feel lucky, because I was in such a dark place not too long ago.

    FW, really? That’s so cool 🙂 (what is your first?) It’s sooo beautiful here, and I feel grateful for the men, who for the most part are raised to be chivalrous.

  301.  #301Heart on December 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    I want some hope Now.
    COME on Universe.

  302.  #302GlowStix on December 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    170 rebekah

    Come to BC! 🙂

  303.  #303Daria on December 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    I feel soo tired

  304.  #304Daria on December 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    I love you Daria

    I love you


  305.  #305Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Goddess Lily,

    295 – LOL, thanks! I am getting the hang of it…it’s about having fun, not just finding the perfect man. Learning how to let my squeeky voice be heard is part of this process of growing and transforming, LOL. I am finding I don’t need to take it all so personally. It’s about time, after 3.5 years of washing my heart with all things Rori Raye, LOL!

  306.  #306Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    I am having a happy moment here. My life is finally happening. Time. It’s about time. End of the tunnel.

    “Time is a gift of love and grace. Without time there’d be no time to change. Time to be tried, humbled and broken. time to hear the word of love spoken…” ~ Charlie Peacock

  307.  #307Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    As many of you know, I have been struggling to survive most of the past two years, since I lost my job. I now see the light at the end of the tunnel! I saw a video that convinced me to make a decision and just get in and get started. I felt inspired when I saw a woman whose struggles were far more severe than mine…and she rose above them to find success…She had severe spinal injuries and ran a business from her bed on her laptop. She now earns far more than I ever earned.

    Further, it was at least a year ago that Rori was emailing with me, and she encouraged me to start my own blog on WordPress. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I didn’t see what point there was to it, and I didn’t really know how to operate a website or a blog. Then I found Empower Network…

    I welcome you to check out my new website, which from now on will be available with just a click of my name, above!

    empowernetwork dot com / bcaley /

    Aaaaah! I’m so excited!!! And this one is for Jasmine:

    BAM!!!! 😆

  308.  #308Heart on December 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    im boooored.

  309.  #309Heart on December 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Missing CudG all day…I think it’s because I’m finally accepting that he poofed….so I finally feel really bad about it….Even though it was so long ago…all those weeks I still had hope underneath it all….

    I know everything is in it’s right place…and I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be…even though it hurt.

  310.  #310Heart on December 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm


    my heart is aching…

  311.  #311Heart on December 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    I feel bottomless
    I feel this vaccum sucking votex in my chest…
    I feel angry with myself…
    I feel angry with myself for being angry with myself….

  312.  #312Heart on December 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    Whatever u do Heart….keep away from that man..
    resist the urge to throw yourself off that cliff…
    let that ship sail…
    One day CudG will show up and you’ll be turned off by him…
    You’ll tell yourself….Im glad that didnt go anyway….just like with Manboy.
    Just breathe.

  313.  #313GlowStix on December 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm


    ((((you)))) you deserve it!

  314.  #314GlowStix on December 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm


    Sweeeeeeet! Congrats on the website.

  315.  #315Indigo on December 6, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    I had dinner with a new guy last night – he was so cute, and so light and such sweet, easy company. I was EXHAUSTED from a week full of work and men and staying with my family. I was open about this (being exhausted) with him and asked if it would be ok if we could end the date after dinner. He was sweet about it, I was sweet and complimentary to him, not wanting to think it was because I wasn’t enjoying him. I don’t know if it will affect whether I will see him again, but I don’t mind, because I wanted to take care of me, that was where my heart was and that was most important to me.

    I saw the ex on Wednesday night. We had a wonderful, fun evening together, and then yesterday he skyped me, said hi and asked me how I was. I said I’d enjoyed the previous night and he said, me too.

    This feels sweet. I don’t know what’s happening.

  316.  #316Heart on December 6, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    yay Radlove

  317.  #317Smile on December 6, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Radlove,yey, I feel soooo excited for you!

    The link isnt working…? I would love to see it.


    Ps I wonder how Jasmine is?

  318.  #318Smile on December 6, 2012 at 10:54 pm


    Thank you for sharing about your CDs. Im going to express in a feeling message I want him to come to me.

    Tonight I’m going to have to leave work a little earlier too.
    I don’t mind this weekend as I am using it as an opportunity to see a friend for the weekend.

  319.  #319Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    I am so good at playing “hard to get.” That I have pretty much made myself “impossible to get.” Lol… :`(

  320.  #320Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    Heart – 201

    I just read that and I LOLed – so hard. omg.

    Thank you for the laugh. 😀


  321.  #321Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    Thank you for the feedback on the writing, ladies! Maybe it *will* become a chapter of a book some day ; )

    GlowStix. I love your new name! So glowy and stixy.

    It’s great! : )

  322.  #322Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    I can’t believe this. The guy who lives so far away still thinks I’m cute! I’m always telling him things like I don’t want to be all sexy on skype, and I’m too tired, and this and that. I won’t hear from him in forever, and then suddenly, he’ll pop in out of the blue.

    I was reading the blog tonight, and he texted me again that I’m “so cute.” And this was after I felt a little freaked out that he was going to be a psycho! lol

    It’s so difficult by text sometimes. But at least I know that I am still “cd”-ing. Nobody here has to worry. I may be taking more or less a break from actual formal dates for a while. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t still “cd” and practice the tools and see what happens….

    Goodheart – thanks for explaining that one. I’ll try it out and see how it goes!

  323.  #323Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    Heartbeat, that sounds like a really good outcome! (207) Sounds like you handled it well and followed your heart. brava!

  324.  #324Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    I can’t post at all.

  325.  #325Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    Oh good, my test worked. Smile, here, this is from your post in 317…I think my website has to be approved or something. Try to look it up this way:

    empowernetwork dot com / bcaley /

  326.  #326Tereana on December 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Dominique 291 – I am glad you are with me on that!

  327.  #327Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Nope, it won’t take the full website. Hmmm. Smile, anyway, thank you!!! I feel so excited! It’s 2:20 am and I’m just starting to be sleepy after feeling super charged and excited all day!!

  328.  #328Radlove on December 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    Heart and GlowStix,

    Thank you also! Finally, I am moving forward!

    Smile, Jasmine is doing well! She’s on Siren Island. She is graduating from college this month!! Her life is moving ahead, too!

  329.  #329MovingMagic on December 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    Hi lovely ladies, I’m a long time reader of this blog, & am constantly amazed & inspired by what goes on here. So much growth, healing, & awareness! I would like to touch on the topic of expectations/understanding ones needs when it comes to emotional support in relationships. My exboyfriend & I were trying to rebuild our relationship, just as my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I live half way across the country from my family. The diagnosis shook me to my core. My ex seems very unable to be emotionally supportive during these times. He freezes up, & goes into a shell, which is what lead to the original breakup. Emotional support feels very important to me, but I’m also very aware of the heaviness expectations can bring to any relationship. ~Thoughts/feelings?

  330.  #330lili on December 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm


    how can I differentiate between the inner voice and our thought we aquired from the society and life lessons ?

    what is the difference between the inner voice (trust ) and the dout ?


  331.  #331Heart on December 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    #320 Tereana – 🙂

  332.  #332Radlove on December 7, 2012 at 12:09 am


    329 – Welcome! Sad to hear about your mom…google Dr. Lorraine Day. She herself is a naturopathic physician who had a grapefruit sized tumor between her breasts. She didn’t use chemo or radiation. Instead, she ate nothing but raw fruits and veggies, and it went away on its own!

    About your man, I have found that when I start getting into the heavy circumstances of my life, my man couldn’t handle it. Maybe a boy still? But I tried to keep it light, too late, and it led to him distancing himself, too, partially.

    A mature man will be there solidly. So for me it was a matter of deciding if this boy man was worth it. My answer was yes, he was strong in other areas, and I reason this area will grow with maturity. It’s not cool, but I would just focus on what serves the relationship, for now.

    Sorta like building a bridge. Gotta wait until it’s mostly built before it’s strong enough to withstand heavy weight.

  333.  #333k2012 on December 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

    Well its almost 3 am where I am and I have just woken up briefly. I have to admit something to myself (I just did) and I will share it with u guys. Whether I want to believe it or not, it seems like I still have feelings for my ex. I dreamed about him again. Just woke up from the dream. I didn’t expect to feel this way.

  334.  #334Heart on December 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

    Ok Sirens – I’ve decided to write CudG on in a week.
    I’m not really writing to renew his interest…I dont think it’s possible…I’m assuming his interest was so-so.
    I’m writing him to appease that part of my brain that thinks I did something wrong and drove him away.
    I just need to stop thinking about him…and pining.
    I expect the worst…and I’m bracing myself for that ouchie rejected feeling.
    But, had I written him a month ago I would have more than likely be over it by now.

    Any advice on what to say?

  335.  #335Heart on December 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

    Forget closure and keep him on your horse…worked for Manboy but it took months…

  336.  #336k2012 on December 7, 2012 at 12:37 am

    Heart, is that response directed to me? Where Manboy was concerned, what did u do?

  337.  #337MovingMagic on December 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Thank you Radlove. I ended it with him. It was partially out of exhaustion, & partially a knee jerk reaction. I do see him as being a man/boy in many ways, & I’m not sure that I have enough patience at this time. This came up the last time we were together. It seems to be a reoccurring theme for him, but also a reoccuring focus on expectations for me…as in I don’t feel like I know the balance. He & I spoke today, & he brought up the ‘terms’ he feels like I have, & that he feels like he constantly disappoints me. I told him that I’m not disappointed in him, but in that we haven’t been able to work this out. I love him, & have reached a very real level of vulnerability with him, but want someone who can step up to the plate in a masculine energy way.

  338.  #338Heart on December 7, 2012 at 12:51 am

    k2012 …no I called a guy I was kinda into Manboy…

  339.  #339Heart on December 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Actually no advice needed…I’ll figure it out onmy own.

  340.  #340GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:06 am

    This. Is. Fascinating!!!

    Recommended highly.

  341.  #341GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:08 am

    “The more resources a woman can gather on her own, the less men care whether or not her figure conforms to the supposed ideal.”

    “As their social networks changed, so did male preferences. Maybe men don’t lock their eyes onto 36-24-36 like some broken slot machine after all, but instead possess a “flexible behavioral repertoire” that adapts sexual preferences to changing environments, the researchers conclude in Evolution and Human Behavior. A subsequent study corroborated the shortcomings of a global thin ideal, as well as the role of Western media in propagating it.”

  342.  #342GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:10 am

    Men wil literally ADAPT their preferrential body type to that of the society the reside in.

  343.  #343GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:12 am

    “Time and chance can change a man’s physical ideals as much as place. One research team recently compared the measurements of Playboy Playmates of the Year from 1960 to 2000 to economic conditions in the United States over the same period and found that tougher times called for larger playmates. A 2005 study in Psychological Science reported that men who were manipulated to feel either hungry or poor preferred heavier female figures—a sign that, according to the researchers, resource availability can “influence preferences for potential mates” even among Western males in a wealthy culture. In other words, we can live in New York but possess a Zulu state of mind.”

    This article is a must read IMO.

  344.  #344GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:14 am

    This might explain why wealthier men tend to go for very thin women.

  345.  #345GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:24 am

    I am learning SO much!!!!!

    I am well and truly blessed to have found this article on men. Wow.

  346.  #346Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 3:01 am

    #266 Smile

    What’s the soft velvet hammer?

  347.  #347Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 3:04 am

    #268 Tereana

    I love you writing, so descriptive I can almost visualise it. Thank you.

    I only want ONE too, just one will do thank you oh great Universe.

  348.  #348Tam on December 7, 2012 at 5:02 am

    I am still debating whether I did the right thing, but actually the tentative conclusion I come to is: yes.
    Still. I was pushing everything away but maybe I needed to do it to save myself.

  349.  #349Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 5:09 am

    SMB – CCarter talks about the velvet hammer. I think of it in terms of soft on the outside hard on the inside.

  350.  #350Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Radically Reject Behavior That Doesn’t Meet Your Standards

    I observed something fascinating about people and relationships a few years back. When we’re in a situation that causes bad feelings and friction of some kind, there is always some kind of “payoff” for one or the other person… and that’s why they persist in sticking with the bad situation.

    Here’s what you’re getting out of the “casual” thing…

    You get a safe and risk-free path to get close to this guy. Even though technically you’re not “close” at all. I call this “working it from the ‘friend zone’”. After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front, BEFORE you slept with him? You might be disappointed or rejected, or you would be unable to continue the “friendship” that you have right now. And maybe having to start over alone might actually be worse in your mind than having something crappy and low-quality that you’re “tolerating” now.

    But if you look deeper, you’ll probably see that your desire for something more was there all along underneath the surface. Therefore, I doubt that you could have been “just friends” with him anyway, even if you never slept together, without you feeling gypped in some way. That’s why you have to show a man that you’re strong and you know what you want, and you won’t settle for scraps or second-best or “good enough for now.”

    Exactly What To Say To Him

    My favorite way of thinking about how to do this, is to be like a “velvet hammer.” Be strong and assertive, but warm and gentle at the same time. Say, “I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends. This is why I’m not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way.” If you can say this in a way that doesn’t include BLAME or guilt or pressure from you, the response a man will give will be MAGICAL. He’ll open up and meet you at the level of honesty and respect you’re coming at him with.

    And as tough and as “biatc!hy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, this is exactly what you need to say to a man if you really want something more with him. And doing this, and only this, can get you out of your “friends with benefits” situation and into a great relationship. Trying anything else is almost sure to end up in a series ofmisunderstandings and hurt feelings.

    But you might be thinking…

    WHY Does This Kind Of Language Work With A Man?
    Because it sends a strong SUBCONSCIOUS signal to a man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life and her world.

    There’s nothing that triggers more intense “long-term” attraction in a healthy and mature man, than a woman who he CAN’T control and doesn’t get thrown off-center when her needs aren’t met.

    Using the “velvet hammer” also has another AMAZING benefit that women don’t often recognize… or they don’t even see as a benefit at first.

    It WEEDS OUT the guys who DO need to go away because they’re never going to get their act together in the first place, or just don’t want to. You don’t want to be stuck in a dead-end situation that’s just going to make you feel WORSE than you felt before you met him, do you? Of course not.

    And sure, sometimes a guy will hear that and disappear for a while. But the best part is, if he’s one of the “good guys” you want to be with for the long-term, he’ll come back around.

    And when he does, he’ll have done all the leg work to be a better, more conscious partner. The kind of partner you could have never molded yourself through any amount of fixing or convincing.”


  351.  #351Tam on December 7, 2012 at 5:23 am

    349..thanks FW, that came at the right time…I used the sledgehammer but I needed to… at that point…next time the velvet one maybe.

    Radically reject behaviour that doesn’t meet your standards – that is the salient point.

  352.  #352Dominique on December 7, 2012 at 5:24 am

    MovingMagic – 329 & 336 – It’s difficult to say from what you write here, yet what stood out is that he told you he thinks he disappoints you. This is key for you. Somehow subtly or not so subtly he has gotten from you that he cannot please you, that mostly whatever he does falls short.

    This is how he feels and thinks and it’s very real to him.

    Can you look inside and see where this may be true?

    The more you can appreciate him and let him know when he DOES please you, make you feel good even if only a little, the more of this will you likely get going forward.


  353.  #353Tam on December 7, 2012 at 5:25 am

    though this one, let me assure you, is NOT a given:

    ‘And sure, sometimes a guy will hear that and disappear for a while. But the best part is, if he’s one of the “good guys” you want to be with for the long-term, he’ll come back around.

    And when he does, he’ll have done all the leg work to be a better, more conscious partner.’

  354.  #354Tam on December 7, 2012 at 5:28 am

    they can come back and play the same game over and over also without having done any legwork. Sigh. Not with me anymore though.

  355.  #355Heart on December 7, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Sirens – something Serendipituous happened that allowed me to email CudG for a really good reason…with no expectations.

    He emailed me back 2 hours later and was caring, engaging but a little polite.
    I felt happy with his response…

    I responded warmly but didnt ask him any questions…just appreciated his concern.

    I felt good….

    but then I did one of those online tarot readings and omg there were alot of good stuff…and a lot of Gloomy things….

    I feel like he’s going to write back and say he has a girlfriend or just ignore me…
    but piece of me feels like the whole thing is not even about him…

    Anyway…I felt happy with the email…he even mentioned his family and stuff…he was definitely open but I felt no rowing-the-boat vibe.

    I would love if he stepped up….
    But the whole thing did give mea lot of peace…
    and I am feeling less in denial about the whole thing…

    My prince will come…someday.

  356.  #356Heart on December 7, 2012 at 5:37 am

    That tarot reading scared though…

  357.  #357Heart on December 7, 2012 at 5:40 am

    3 of swords card…

  358.  #358Iamabutterfly on December 7, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Feeling grateful today. and guilty for my lack of gratitude recently.

    Thankful for a new day!

  359.  #359k2012 on December 7, 2012 at 5:45 am

    Nice article. Sometimes they come back and go on with the same foolishness as someone else just said. I have a plan for ex boyfriend if he shocks me and tells me he wants me back. First the obvious question I would have to ask him and any man who disappears on me for that matter is,”what guarantee do I have that U WILL NOT DISAPPEAR on me again?” Have him try answer that question. If I was to go back to him, he would have to convince me and I would have to honestly see for myself that he has changed. It definitely COULD NOT be business as usual. So although I had to admit this morning to myself that I still have feelings for him but that doesn’t mean I am going to take him back with all the things he has been up to. In fact, I no longer want a long distance relationship. Furthermore, as I have learnt here, I will circular date until a man indicates that he wants me for the rest of his life.

  360.  #360Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 5:52 am

    From Bob:

    In a recent media interview, the interviewer asked me if my wife and me ever argued. I suppose they were trying to ask me a trick question. Without even thinking I responded, “No we don’t argue, because my wife won’t participate.” The interviewer paused for a moment, surprised by my answer.

    She asked me what that meant (since she obviously hadn’t read The Woman Men Adore), and I told her that if our disagreements become too competitive, my wife simply leaves the room. It’s at that point that I realize that I’m being too aggressive.

    Now, the good news for me is that she doesn’t have to leave the room anymore. Well, rarely. I know better. Even though my wife is quite capable of debating with the best of them, she knows that most effective way to get a man’s attention is to ignore them.

    What happens next? When I calm down, she’ll finish the discussion. It’s just one of the ways I’m reminded that she’s expensive and I’m lucky to have her.

    Bob Grant

  361.  #361Heart on December 7, 2012 at 5:55 am

    While I wrote and responded to him…i just inzippered my hesrt….

    but now…I Feel really piney….yuck…

  362.  #362Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 6:00 am

    Experience has taught me that it IS a given if he’s one of the “good guys”.

  363.  #363Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Heart – what do you describe as piney?
    I am wondering if it is vulnerable or just scared from sharing raw feelings.

  364.  #364Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 6:02 am

  365.  #365Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:06 am

    Well, in my experience my guy kept coming back over a 2 year period, and still wasn’t able to step up fully…so this ‘if he is a good guy he will come around’…I don’t doubt that the guy is a good guy, but I doubt that simply coming back resolves anything if he still is not able/willing/interested in stepping up and claiming.
    He may just have been testing the waters to see what he can get….maybe.

  366.  #366Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 6:06 am

    “But here’s the deal: when you do something on a date—sex or otherwise—under the influence of alcohol, there’s going to be regret the next day from one or both parties. And it could kill a potential relationship right then and there.

    You know how they say, “don’t drink and drive”. Well: don’t drink and date.

    Keep a clear conscience when you’re dating. Keep a clear mind when you’re dating, because every decision that you make should be made with a clear mindset.

    So my poor client was all worried: the guy was not texting her back.

    So I told her, “Stop the madness. It was one encounter, you did what you did, now move forward. And, you got to have oral sex for the first time in a few years, so that’s pretty damn good. You got to enjoy yourself, so look at the positive.”

    And, of course, she was all upset. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. She was wondering if he was going to text her, what he was thinking, and what she should do.

    But that’s why you don’t ever drink and date. Drinking and dating is dangerous—it tends to always cause problems.

    David Wygant

  367.  #367Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Hm. We could have had a relationship without calling it a relationship. But that didn’t feel good to me.

  368.  #368Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 6:21 am

    #348 FW

    Ah like Rori then, maybe he “borrowed” it. 🙂

  369.  #369Heart on December 7, 2012 at 6:28 am

    FW – i didnt share raw feelins with CudG…

    I feel scared of the tarot reading…
    and I feel sad thinking Cudg doesnt want to pursue me anymore…
    I’m battling between hope & hopelessness…All this sadness keeps coming up…

    piney feel like a craving heavy sick sad heartache feeling…

    I’m tired of Feeling.

  370.  #370Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 6:33 am

    #368 Heart

    I take all those online tarot card readings and i ching and stuff with a pinch of salt, it’s COMPUTER generated, how can a computer interpret stuff properly? It doesn’t have thoughts and feelings, it works on a programme probably put together by some 20 year old geek. 😀

    Take it with a pinch of salt and a way to relieve a bit of boredom not something that should affect your mood…….

  371.  #371k2012 on December 7, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Heart, I can’t remember but u are the lady who made contact with an ex who disappeared on u right? Did he tell u he is not interested in pursuing u again or what?

  372.  #372Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:43 am

    ((Heart)) I have been on piney island for the last couple of days…trying to get out of it and hop on the next boat that comes by.
    Actually, I feel lonely.
    Unless I am on a date, I have to go everywhere myself. Since my gf here got married a few weeks back, we don’t do anything anymore. I could see that coming though, because he husband didn’t like it when we went out alone occasionally (once every two weeks), he always wants to come along.
    I kind of knew that it would all stop once she has the ring… I feel a little angry about that but hey, can’t control/force people to spend time with you.

    So she keeps asking me ‘who do you go with??’ and I just said ‘alone mostly’.
    It’s hard work making myself do that, I am not that confident. But, anything is better than sitting alone at home and dwelling on stuff. I feel sick of dwelling and mulling and hoping.

  373.  #373Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:44 am

    370 k2012….could it be starla you’re referring to?

  374.  #374Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:45 am

    I want to reach out to MrP, please stop me.
    I know it’s just because I feel lonely….urgh.
    So I wrote a letter that I am not intending to send.
    Good for me, right?!

  375.  #375Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Fear that you are fundamentally wrong? All based on someone else’s evaluation? How can I love myself in this particular situation?

    I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself. I gove myself openhearted love.

  376.  #376Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 6:47 am

    #373 Tam

    DO NOT SEND THE LETTER, sit on your hands, paint your nails, have a bubble bath, go for a walk, go to the gym do anything but send the letter….and BREATHE!!

  377.  #377Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:49 am

    I had no intention of sending it SMB.

  378.  #378Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:50 am

    I felt the need to explain and there is nobody to explain it to, so I just explained everything to myself…again.
    Maybe I will get it one day.

  379.  #379Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Oh horror of horrors. I have no invite to the famous boat parade…everybody is having parties, or invited to fabulous parties (including my girlfriend), and I didn’t get an invite…urgh.
    That in itself is not a problem, but how am I going to survive sitting at home, where I can see the boats go by and had an invitation from MrP to go on the parade in his boat.
    Oh no. This is not good…eek.
    NO. I need an invite, Universe, please…it’s next weekend. Please do something for me Universe…just one more time. I promise I won’t be so demanding again. Urgh.

  380.  #380Tam on December 7, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Ok. Now I feel awful. First I am told that my friend has no time for me anymore, and now I was told that stuff about the boat parade…and I was already feeling piney and awful – yesterday also.
    Ok….I need to do something here.
    What can I do for myself today?

  381.  #381Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 7:01 am

    You could put on some music Tam – not sad, piney love songs, but happy dancy music and have a little party of your own Gangnam style. 😀

  382.  #382Goddess Lily on December 7, 2012 at 7:03 am

    Heck yeah! Gangnam Style! Awesome suggestion SMB.

    Heeeeeeyyyyy sexy lady ((( Tam)))

  383.  #383Tam on December 7, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Thanks Ladies..yes. That can be my first thing…

  384.  #384Heart on December 7, 2012 at 7:07 am

    SMB – i love u….i’m feeling so vulnerable & hypersensitive….i just started crying for no reason….

    It felt great to hear from CudG again…he is so cuddleliscious.
    It’s worth the pining…Mancrack.

  385.  #385Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Ha just found the Gangnam style – London style just for you Tam!!!

  386.  #386Tam on December 7, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Aw, SMB, fanks!!!!

  387.  #387Tam on December 7, 2012 at 7:18 am

    I feel a little anger bubbling up, like ‘how dare they!’…how dare they not give me the relationship I want. How dare they not spend time with me going to Ladies’ night. How DARE they not inviting me for a fabulous boat parade party.
    Are they MAD??
    Hah. Pah. Grumble.

  388.  #388Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 7:22 am

    #386 Tam

    You are moving up the vibrational scale as Abraham would say. It’s all good. 🙂

  389.  #389Heart on December 7, 2012 at 7:23 am

    #370 – K2012….no that’s Starla …

    I contacted a guy I date a little bit but known for a few years..
    and he was sweet and open.
    I can sense he still have some feelings for me….it comes across in his vibe…
    But there is no Man-rowing energy…real change from previos interactions.

    I feel less Obsessive….I have no inner dialogue about what i should do and wat happened. This feels great…
    But all this sadness is just erupting…
    Still I’m thinking of men differently now…
    I actually honestly feel open to someone new.
    I was locked in Will he come back mode cuz I felt I messed up
    now I no longer feel that way..

  390.  #390Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 7:23 am

    How DARE they – suggest a feeling of entitlement as if something is owed.

    I wonder what this is showing up for me to heal?

  391.  #391Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Abraham-Hicks has come up with a series of emotions that will help you work from feeling bad to feeling better about what ever you are experiencing. If you find where you are emotionally on the scale, and then try and find thoughts that feel just a tad bit better about it. Small baby steps toward Joy.

    This is the scale:

    The Emotional Guidance Scale

    1. Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love
    2. Passion
    3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
    4. Positive Expectation/Belief
    5. Optimism
    6. Hopefulness
    7. Contentment
    8. Boredom
    9. Pessimism
    10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
    11. Overwhelment
    12. Disappointment
    13. Doubt
    14. Worry
    15. Blame
    16. Discouragement
    17. Anger
    18. Revenge
    19. Hatred/Rage
    20. Jealousy
    21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
    22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

    From the book “Ask and It is Given”, pg. 114

  392.  #392Tam on December 7, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Oh Jeez, I just stepped a step down…I saw MrP in my chat programme….go away, shooooo…go away….
    How dare you. I just washed you out of my bedsheets!! I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair…la la la laaaaaa….
    I feel flabberghasted.
    I don’t really but I like the word.

  393.  #393Tam on December 7, 2012 at 7:25 am

    I feel amused by myself. Oh well, easily pleased, me.

  394.  #394Tam on December 7, 2012 at 7:30 am

    389. Yes FW. I feel entitled to friends that stand by me and not disappear. I feel entitled to a relationship. I feel entitled to have fun.

    I didn’t feel entitled to any of these things for a long time – and that showed up to heal. I think I am worth it. What do you think?

  395.  #395Heart on December 7, 2012 at 7:31 am

    What a day…

  396.  #396Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 7:35 am


    I feel worthy of these things. I feel deserving so I am looking for ways to inspire others to do some of these things for me. I am looking for ways to accept myself so that others will feel inspired to do the same.

  397.  #397Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 7:37 am

    I wonder what is my most direct path to self acceptance?

  398.  #398Tam on December 7, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Worthy, deserving, entitled, whatever.
    All of the above.

  399.  #399Heart on December 7, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Tam – Well I feel like obsessing over a man…is part of life…lolol…

    CudG didn’t call me by the lil nickname he has for me…he called me by Name…it felt weird.

    look at me ….overanalysing an email….lol.

  400.  #400Tam on December 7, 2012 at 7:45 am

    398…oh..I am the queen of overanalysing, you can’t beat me trust me 😉

    Right now I just kind of accept what is in front of me, even if it is nothing.

    Pfff…I feel deserving of a lot more than nothing. I do feel angry though. I feel angry at being abandoned…well, whatever.

  401.  #401Calypso on December 7, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I did something last night that I am only going to share here – if I told my girlfriends, they would slap me upside the head . . .

    I texted my ex-husband, “I want to share something with you” and then I sent him a picture of our son at Boot Camp.

    I never got a reply from him, which was a little disappointing – if he had at least said “Thanks”, I would have shared more pictures, but i guess it is for the best. We are in court fighting about money, so no contact is best, but he is the father of my son who is in the middle of Crucible Week and will become a Marine on Saturday. I was married to my ex for 23 years and he is the only person on this eath who loves my sons like I do – I just wanted to share with him . . .

    Waiting for next week when I get to se emy baby again and knowing he is in the middle of 54 hours of sleep and food deprivation right now is like giving birth all over again, except I don’t get to participate this time . . . becoming a Marine mom.

  402.  #402Radlove on December 7, 2012 at 7:56 am


    336 – That sounds like a healthy thing. I am sure it’s difficult, tho.

  403.  #403Heart on December 7, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Actually Sirens – I practiced unzippering my heart and it felt good…and I used Fms & had no agenda because unzippering ur hear itself clears u mind a bit…& helps u to not overdo anything..

  404.  #404Radlove on December 7, 2012 at 7:59 am

    ((( Calypso )))

    400 – That feels sad that your ex didn’t at least acknowledge the photo. It will be a difficult week for your son, but he will feel so proud of himself when he is done – a strong man. Congratulations! That is a major accomplishment for him to become a Marine!

  405.  #405Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Calypso maybe I would have done the same thing. For all you know he is overwhelmed with emotion and crying everytime he see that picture.

    I believe though that is a lesson for you about you. You are not yet in the place where you don’t want to control. Giving unconditionally is giving without expecting anything back. Not even thank you. I believe it is also a way to move into rockstar vibe.

  406.  #406Mercedes on December 7, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Calypso: My son told me that although Crucible Week was really hard, it was probably much harder on me than on him. He was fine the entire time and said he was so “ready” for it (as ready as you can be) that it was harder anticipating it than actually going through it.

    I just wanted to share because that particular time was the hardest for me while he was away. I wish I had been able to get pictures of him while he was gone. We had absolutely ZERO contact for 13 weeks with the exception of letters. It was really, really hard. My heart goes out to you…

    Much Love,

  407.  #407Indigo on December 7, 2012 at 8:03 am

    I do not have peace at the moment.

    I feel cross at the mixed messages and strange words I am getting from my ex. I feel cross that I don’t have a bedroom of my own to go back to at my parents’ house when I can decompress.

    I can feel myself getting angry.

    I feel angry that Tam’s friends have abandoned her.

    I don’t want to be around people at the moment.

    Muuurrrggh, this feels hot and scared and a little bit tantrummy.

    Sorry sirens, I love you all.

    Ugh 🙁

  408.  #408Indigo on December 7, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Another tumbley episode.. ugh, I haven’t seen you for a few weeks.

    I feel tired. I just want to be by myself 🙁

  409.  #409Tam on December 7, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Yes, I also want to feel at peace and don’t seem to be able to get there. Sad, angry, confused, piney…and I am so fed up now.

  410.  #410Indigo on December 7, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I hate being ignored (not talking about you guys) it’s such a HUGE trigger for me, especially where it’s deliberate. It makes me want to scream and pound my little fists. I want to show my fabulousness and people are refusing to see.

    Not very attractive is it? 🙁

    I feel just like I really, really don’t know how to handle this.

  411.  #411BAB/Rebekah on December 7, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I feel so positive today! I ave a ton to do, but falling asleep w my man just does things for me that I can never explain.. I feel so rejuvenated and full!

  412.  #412BAB/Rebekah on December 7, 2012 at 8:14 am

    I leaned forward and sent him a funny pic txt this morning, and I feel ok with that. I wanted to give him a smile and he sent a txt back “lol you’re cute” I don’t even care it’s a super bland txt.. Lol

  413.  #413Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 8:27 am


  414.  #414Tereana on December 7, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Had something really insightful to say a minute ago, and now I forget. Ha!

    I looked at the moon this morning and remembered that I feel connected to it. I’ve always felt a special connecting emotion when I look at the moon. It reminds me of femininity and it brings me a feeling of peace.

    I also did a yoga moon salute when I woke up this morning, and that was very centering.

    It’s possible, maybe, that I am a woman and connected to my femininity even when I don’t think or feel like I am.

    Unzippering my heart will happen when it needs to. Maybe, for right now, I need this safe, protective coating. I need this wax-coated Lycra exterior to shield me from the elements until my heart is strong enough to be ‘vulnerable’ and exposed. I could hurt her more if I expose her too soon. And that’s not fear, that’s practicality.

    One little zipper at a time, while I get used to it. And when I’m done, she’ll be ready….

  415.  #415Tereana on December 7, 2012 at 8:30 am

    It’s less complicated than you think.

    Why? Because thinking inherently makes it all more complicated.

    Love is a simple, uncomplicated thing.

    It doesn’t require any thinking….

  416.  #416k2012 on December 7, 2012 at 8:30 am

    “I was locked in Will he come back mode.” I know what u mean Heart. I was trying not to focus on that myself and as I have said before, one has to be careful not to focus on that or the fact that they have reappeared.

  417.  #417Calypso on December 7, 2012 at 8:32 am

    All – thanks for the feedback. It felt nice to be able to share what I did.

    FW – You are absolutey right – I am no where near ready to not want control – I do want control – I want to control my control . . . lol

  418.  #418Starla on December 7, 2012 at 8:42 am

    k2012, when i contacted him he said he wanted to catch up more. he said one of us would be in touch and he would be sure to keep a closer eye on his phone. says he has no use for it otherwise these days lol (someone’s single…)….

    i said i would really like that. we could have made plans, but i realized i’m not just ready to see him yet. i have a week off of work next week and i’m doing all this makeover stuff for me and my house and i won’t really want to be seeing him in between cosmetic treatments that require me to look like a bag lady in between (peeling skin, no makeup, no eating certain foods…)

  419.  #419Starla on December 7, 2012 at 8:44 am

    i find myself oddly not locked in will he come back mode

    i was locked in will he ever speak to me again mode

    now i’m not, obviously:P

  420.  #420Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 8:45 am

    I feel open to receiving more and more of the energy of love.

  421.  #421Heart on December 7, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I feel good now…calm…centered.

  422.  #422Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I feel grateful to myself for taking the risk to meditate.

  423.  #423Starla on December 7, 2012 at 8:58 am

    so i *kind of* fixed my car by myself.

    british cd (the smacking food guy) came after i failed by myself and found that the connection to my battery was very loose. we tightened it and voila.

    he also left me with a jump starter battery pack in case it happens again:)

    he was on his way to help me before i even thought to ask. what a nice guy.

    too bad he smacks his damn food! and he picked his nose in front of me! ohhhhhhh blah gross. so we will just be friends.

  424.  #424Starla on December 7, 2012 at 8:59 am

    fw is it a risk to meditate?

  425.  #425Heart on December 7, 2012 at 9:03 am

    FW – that heart opening is painful…im going to do it though ..

  426.  #426Mercedes on December 7, 2012 at 9:05 am

    FW 421 – I love that!

    Much Love,

  427.  #427Goodheart on December 7, 2012 at 9:07 am

    I feel connected to the moon too 🙂

  428.  #428Starla on December 7, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Mercedes!! Thanks for inspiring me to meditate, girl. it’s changing my life and the lives of my friends who are taking an interest too:)

  429.  #429Starbright on December 7, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Fw would you post he heart meditation again?

  430.  #430Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 9:16 am

    “too bad he smacks his damn food! and he picked his nose in front of me! ohhhhhhh blah gross”.

    This reminds me of a British (sorry) supervisor I had years ago. He picked his nose and literally ate it. I don’t know why I was staring at him but till today I still feel traumatized when I remember. eeewwww

    When he realized I had seen him he practically ran to my desk to kind of soothe me. eeeewwww

  431.  #431Starla on December 7, 2012 at 9:17 am

    yesterday i discovered on youtube this spanish-language metal band that QZ (cf) would find interesting. i wanted to share it with him, as we are both metalheads and language-philes. then i remembered that i had told myself i would wait at least a week before i contacted him again. then i felt stupid and like a control freak who can’t even control herself if i have to set rules and limits with myself about when it’s okay to contact someone.

    and then i remembered i had lots of work to do in front of me at the office and i shifted to that instead.

    it was a rough moment, though. i didn’t know what was right or wrong.

  432.  #432Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Starbright check 364 above

  433.  #433Mercedes on December 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Starla: 🙂 It has changed my life too. And I’m learning more and more and getting better and better at it as time goes on. I’m considering taking a religious based class here very soon. It sounds so awesome and I know someone who absolutely loves it. I think it is right for me.

    Much Love,

  434.  #434Starla on December 7, 2012 at 9:30 am

    i really don’t feel good second guessing myself and i don’t like that it happened yesterday. i intend to visualize in my next few meditation sessions what it feels like NOT to second guess myself, and visualize that i always know whether to ‘ping’ a person or not.

    i mean, i do this with my best friend all the time (decide if i should bug her or not hehe) and it works great, cuz i trust myself.


    i love me:)

  435.  #435Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Rori’s affirmations:

    I trust myself completely. I always make the right choice. I trust and love myself completely now. I forgive myself for even thinking I’ve ever done anything wrong. I am fully equipped to release any condition that is no longer appropriate in my life…it is safe for me to do this now.

  436.  #436Starbright on December 7, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Thank-you, Fw!!!

  437.  #437Starla on December 7, 2012 at 9:41 am

    ooh those affirmations feel GOOD

    yes yes yessssss

  438.  #438Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 9:45 am

    My next project – Rori’s sensual meditation.

    Lie down on the bed. Spread your arms out to the sides and relax your legs. Bring your awareness out to the sides and relax your legs. Bring your awareness to the air around you, the air touching your face, your hands, your feet. Breathe in and allow your body to meet the air around you as it rises with your breath. Consciously relax into the bed. Feel yourself melting, like candle wax, onto the bed.

    Imagine that the air around you, and the sun or moon outside your window, are touching you, literally. Allow your body to make contact with them. Keep breathing, keep melting. Allow your heart to expand to meet and take in the air around you, amd at the same time, allow the energy flowing from the ends of your fingers to move outward towards the walls of the room, past the walls, so that it feels as if you’re being touched by more and more air, more and more space.

  439.  #439Miss Bells on December 7, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Drinking and dating—If you are a “normie” as they say in the program, you can have that one glass of wine that you would have with dinner on occasion.
    But–if you have any issues with alcohol this is good advice.
    You just need to be really clear with yourself.
    My tolerance is one glass of wine, maybe two–never more. I have no problem with that amount. It doesn’t make me drunk. But not one sip more.

  440.  #440Daria on December 7, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Good morning Daria
    I feel good to see you awake and feeling well

  441.  #441BAB/Rebekah on December 7, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Just thinking about last night, N was hurt I didn’t bring him beer when I stopped to get my wine. And acted a little pouty it inignorednit and kept my mood level. I felt a little anxious but I fought through it…
    Anyways, he kept going in the kitchen behind our couch I was sitting on and it felt so odd because he was on his phone, he offered up that it was his mom and I believe him, it i felt old triggers and was feeling off about it.
    Then he did the sweetest thing ever, he reached down towards me and stroked my hair from my face and kept doing it while I watched the show, it was a sad part in the movie and he asked if. As ok,I said yes it’s just sad and smiled up at him, he kept stroking my hair and said “I just love looking at you” after I said that feels so nice! I smiled at him but didn’t speak, the movie was really sad at that point and I had a tear fall and said sry it’s just so sad he said ” I know, it’s ok” and kept up playing w my hair!
    I felt so adored and wanted I can’t even tell you. I felt like the grinch, who’s heart grew thee times it’s size 🙂 lol I adore that man!

  442.  #442Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 9:59 am

    aawww Rebekah

  443.  #443Silver Moonbeam on December 7, 2012 at 10:05 am

    FW thank you for the meditation MP3. xxx

  444.  #444Radlove on December 7, 2012 at 10:18 am

    “Thoughts are things, things have gravity and gravity attracts. What are your thoughts attracting into your life?” ~ Jon D. Bender

  445.  #445Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 10:50 am

  446.  #446Starla on December 7, 2012 at 11:30 am

    🙂 today i am having lunch by invitation with one of my heroes:)

    i have no makeup and frizzy hair and love to me:)

  447.  #447k2012 on December 7, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Yes Starla so keep us posted on happenings with him.

  448.  #448Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Dominique – Crystals and essential oils work with clearing and balancing the chakras and lift our vibrational energies?

  449.  #449Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Essential oils are extremely high frequency??


  450.  #450GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Any sirens interested in being triggered very happily while learning about men, I encourage you to read the article I posted in 340. It’s long, but incredibly fascinating. The best thing I have ever read about “what men want”.

  451.  #451Indigo on December 7, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Thank you Tam and Femininewoman xxx

    The tumbley feeling is gone and now I just feel exhausted.

    Goodnight Sirens far and wide.

  452.  #452Tam on December 7, 2012 at 11:53 am

    I decided to feel excited. I am meeting my lovely friend whom I haven’t seen in 4 years in Mia tomorrow….I am packing a couple of little dresses, we are going to a snazzy arts event and maybe South Beach.
    I’ve given up the moping for a bit.

  453.  #453Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Maybe the supply and demand ratios play into the changes noticed around the physical state.

  454.  #454BAB/Rebekah on December 7, 2012 at 11:58 am

    442-thanks femininewoman!

  455.  #455Dominique on December 7, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Femininewoman – are you asking me if this is true? crystals for sure can affect vibration, not sure on mood though it would makes sense, some essential oils too though I think oils work more on emotions as well as physical symptoms.


  456.  #456Femininewoman on December 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I decided to feel excited – this statement is so telling. It jumped off the screen at me.

  457.  #457Tam on December 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Actually, it was easy to shift to that. I had fallen off my horse and checked fb, only to see some stuff that turned me off – and the moping and pining was over, suddenly, and I could concentrate on feeling excited for my weekend.
    Thank you for the triggers.
    Thank you MrP for posting a load of bs on some womans wall..haha..something flippand and crazy, like he is sometimes. I just felt a relief to be rid of the flippancy and craziness….and the pining stopped. May he heap it on someone else and not on me.
    Thank you Universe.

  458.  #458Tam on December 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Sometimes it is just good to have a reminder of what I am not missing…rather than mind-f*ck myself and looking through the rose tinted spectacles at the past.


    My weekend can come!

  459.  #459GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Have a fabulous weekend Tam <3

    And everyone!!

  460.  #460Tam on December 7, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    thanx glowstixy

  461.  #461Daria on December 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I feel high

  462.  #462Daria on December 7, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    This is so wonderful I’ve been eating only organic food and smoking unchemicaled papers and I can tell the difference on my body. There is nothing dragging me down. I am healthy. I’m feeling it ! I’m diggin it . This is so wassup

  463.  #463Daria on December 7, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I want to upgrade my sleep to marvelous

  464.  #464Daria on December 7, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Life loves me!

    My femininity is Venus is in Taurus her house all comfort and lush queen of Sheba Shampoo baths and foot rubs by men w warm towels and rich plants and roses and yum butters

  465.  #465Daria on December 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    And food. Yummy warm comfortable food in plenitude and organic all beans and rice and corn here and then more yummy stuff I like chocolate

  466.  #466Daria on December 7, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I’m feeling desperate sadness now 🙁

    Life loves me

    That’s the process

    I love me

    Aww I feel in pain

    I love my pain

    Thanks for being there Daria


    I love my sadness an starting to feel happiness

    Life loves me

    I healed sonething!

    I feel all green n sprightly!

  467.  #467Daria on December 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Wow this is so interesting!

    I have wild blueberries and organic strawberries in my girls fridge downstairs

    ! Talk about investing in Daria… Woohoo

    I feel so desperately sad !

    I love my fear of not having

    I love my powerlessness

    This is all I can do for Daria is give her good food 🙁

    I can’t secure her a yummy place to sleep

    Or a safe place to sing and express herself


    I suck

    And everyone sees it

    And it feels rather hopeless

    Like a desPrrate cry w this organic food

    I feel terrified


    I feel shame

    It’s my fault

    I should be so much more Nd so much better

    And I’m not

    I don’t know what’s wrong w me

    I just suck

    I never learned this lesson

    And I likely never will


    I don’t know how to take care of myself

    I even let muself be yelled at by people sometimes

    Hella Shame

    N fakin

    To get thru this life

    To let your girl be yelled at

    How humiliating

    This life feels horrible

    I feel so bummed


  468.  #468Daria on December 7, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Thank you Daria

    It feels inexpressible for me to hear about that

    I feel shaken n vibrating inside


    I feel unconfortablee

    Awkward moment web I’ve said too much feeling

    It felt so wonderful to say

    I feel ashamed

    I feel ‘shy’

    Of my self

    I feel emthralled w myself

    I’ve lost control I don’t know What’s going on

  469.  #469Starla on December 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    ooooooooh grrrrrrr my car keeps breaking down!

    getting it fixed monday hopefully


    feeling frustrated but also calm and like everything will be okay:)

  470.  #470Mercedes on December 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I like the thought of being a non-smoker again but I HATE the first few days of a quit. 🙁

  471.  #471Starla on December 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    mercedes, i just celebrated a year cig-free. you can do it, girl!

  472.  #472Mercedes on December 7, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Thanks Starla…I know I can…this is my third quit (besides the little week here week there ones) – once for 3 years and once for almost 2 years – and I hate, hate, hate that I am such an addict and I REALLY hate these first days.

    I’m okay though…just cranky… 🙂

    Thank you for the support…really appreciate it.

    Much Love,

  473.  #473Starla on December 7, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    just freak out here, like this:


    yeah i’m weird how i handle things

  474.  #474Mercedes on December 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    LOL!!! If I did that I think I’d smoke one!! (and I can’t smoke ‘just one’) haha!! I’m really okay…bad day to get my period though…

    It’ll be safer for the general population when I leave the office. 20 minutes left and there is a MUCH smaller chance of me physically assulting anyone……..

    Just kidding. I got this. I got this. I got this.

    I’m going home to meditate and it’s going to have NOTHING to do with smoking. 🙂

    Much Love,

  475.  #475LiliBee on December 7, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    I’m with you Mercedes!

    I quit 1.5 months ago, and I fell off the wagon yesterday.

    Getting back on right now!

    My man is much much more affectionate when I don’t smell like cig smoke 🙂

  476.  #476LiliBee on December 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Allthough now I’m addicted to nicotine gum.
    It’s only 4mg a day, but darn I could chew people’s heads off…so I chew the gum instead.

  477.  #477GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:49 pm


    Ugh. I am such a smoker, and I look up to you for even trying!!!

    You got this down lady.

  478.  #478LiliBee on December 7, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Going to the dentist in a few minutes to get a cig smoke stained filling replaced on the side of my front tooth.

  479.  #479GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    The name stixy makes me glow. hehe Especially when ruth says it!

    Thanks for the name love all!

  480.  #480LiliBee on December 7, 2012 at 2:52 pm



    That’s why I don’t give up cd’ing D.
    He fixes my car.

    You gotta find a mecanic cd, lol.

    They give basic mechanic classes to “women only” here at the local community college.

  481.  #481GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    I have been incredibly lucky. In 16 years of smoking my teethe are still not really yellowed.

  482.  #482GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    lol theethe :-p teeth. Whatevs.

  483.  #483GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 2:57 pm


    Lilibee…Too funny. Maybe i’ll get a man on the side just to fix my car 😉 My power steering fluid leaks.

  484.  #484Starla on December 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    i’m getting mine whitened on tuesday:D

    lilibee, i’m not dating anyone, but an old cd who i friendzoned fixed my car last night with me.

  485.  #485Sassy on December 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm


    I smoked for 20 years, and one night in 1994, I decided I did not want my daughters to go through the pain and heartache that I felt when I saw my dad take his last breath from cancer.
    I quit cold turkey right then and haven’t had a cigarette since.
    No, it’s not easy and I firmly believe that you absolutely HAVE to want to quit to be successful at it. I had tried a few times previously but since I had truly enjoyed it, I always went back to it eventually.
    So, stay strong, do everything you can to curb the cravings and visualize your heart, lungs, skin, and every single organ and cell in your body repairing itself.

  486.  #486MovingMagic on December 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Thank you Dominique. I’ve been sitting with his feelings toward me/disappointment, & I can see where he would feel that way. It’s of course a little more deeply rooted than that. He’s a 30 year old man that has yet to move out of his families home. He can afford it, money isn’t the issue. It’s somewhat cultural for him, but also incredibly comfortable. Something in him refuses to jump into the unknown. He has brought up us living together more than once, & has proclaimed a deep love for me. I love him too, but don’t know that I have the patience to wai for him to take these steps. I’m a 33 year old woman, I’ve lived on my own since my teens & moved to Nyc by myself 6 years ago. I know Rori would say to keep the door open to him, but date, date, date…& I am, but patience ain’t my virtue. 😉

  487.  #487Dominique on December 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    MovingMagic – This isn’t about strategizing to get him to move forward. He will, or he won’t. This is about you filling your life with people you enjoy and activities and work which fulfills you, makes you feel passionate. This about you taking the best care of you possible. This is about lifting your vibration, and if chooses to step up, great, but you may not want him anymore by then. Or you may.


  488.  #488MovingMagic on December 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Dominique, I don’t like strategies believe me. That’s not the road I’m walking with this. I have a full life, filled with dance, live music, amazing friends, & dance & yoga community. I teach yoga to some pretty amazing kiddos. I eat a healthy, vegan diet. My life is colorful, & vibrant…yet, I don’t always see it. I feel like that’s where the true work is for me. Part of my saying no to him, is me saying yes to me.

  489.  #489Dominique on December 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    There you go MovingMagic, you just answered your own questions. And YAY you for all of it. 🙂


  490.  #490Miss Bells on December 7, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    I don’t know what happened to my post, it completely disappeared.

    HS called today and offered to move ALL the rest of my stuff. It would take me 4 loads to do the same thing. Plus he carried the heavy stuff.

    The first thing he said was how much FUN he had going out with me Tuesday. I smiled and said me too.

    Then–while I was carrying one of the lighter boxes I tripped and fell down hard on the pavement. He came RUNNING over like a bat out of h*ll and picked me up. He though I had hit my head, but it was my leg. Bruised. His eyes gave away his true feelings He does cherish me…

    We had a bit of time to chat–I told him I am about to get a cheap flight to Hawaii in March. I will go to his place tomorrow for the party. His house is on the way, and he will drive.

    I am beginning to see that he is just one of those guys that you can NEVER lean forward with. He is difficult and needs all Rori’s rules to be followed or he gets uptight and threatened.

    We shall see.

  491.  #491Daria on December 7, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    I’m on ee

    I’m on it sirens I’m taking care of myself

    I’m out in the cold

    I have all organic food w me

    I left the strawberries at my friends house
    She was mad I was leaving

    I needed alone time

  492.  #492Miss Bells on December 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    When we were done loading the boxes into the house he said–Now you have what you wanted–all your stuff in one place.

    I said Thanks–I feel unified now.

    I don’t think he even REMEMBERS what he said to cause this.

    But–either way–now he has no excuses to contact me, so when he does it becomes clear that he is chasing me.

    Now I have to slow it down. Not pick up, don’t see him without solid plans, make it special.

    He can come to MY town and take me out.

    He has been talking about renting out his house and moving to my town. HMMMM.

  493.  #493Miss Bells on December 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    When we were done loading the boxes into the house he said–Now you have what you wanted–all your stuff in one place.

    I said Thanks–I feel unified now.

    I don’t think he even REMEMBERS what he said to cause this.

    But–either way–now he has no excuses to contact me, so when he does it becomes clear that he is chasing me.

    Now I have to slow it down. Not pick up, don’t see him without solid plans, make it special.

    He can come to MY town and take me out.

    He has been talking about renting out his house and moving to my town. HMMMM.

  494.  #494Miss Bells on December 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Sorry for the double post. My computer is on the warpath tonight.

    Out with my gf to a port tasting–then dancing later!

  495.  #495GingerSky on December 7, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    All these conversations with my guy housemate lately (esp the one last night when I stayed up WAY too late and we were talking about dance, sex, passion) have re-triggered feelings of loneliness in me today. I feel bereft and unconnected, lost, dry, hungry for contact, cuddling, sexual union, cameraderie in conversation, mirroring and partnership. I looked up videos to help him with his new interest in dance, so have been watching DWTS and other scenes of Tango, Jive, Waltz and other passionate dances. I love dance, and had a gay guy for my partner when I was very young. We were good, and we practiced a lot with great discipline and dedication 🙂 I miss that, and I never worked hard enough to make sure this was part of my life, esp after being very ill for most of adult years. Bleh. The life unlived.

    These feelings have recently finally stopped being the constant dominant chord in me after practicing some CDing and Rori Tools etc. But those videos first made me feel alive and excited.. then that gave way to sadness and a sense of loss, though it feels very very good to watch other people dancing like that.

    I feel sad

    I feel bereft

    i feel lonely

    I feel alive

    I feel the scope of womanhood and passion in a way i can’t explain

    I feel loss

    My heart feels kinda brownish gray, and folded in, sad

    I love my sad feelings and the heart that feels them

    It feels good to be alive

  496.  #496GingerSky on December 7, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Starla, I understand that moment of not knowing what is right or wrong, yep.

    I feel better from changing my diet and getting off gluten, which has been very serious and damaging for me and I didn’t know it. But today I’m suffering a setback, which is part of the process. I must’ve eaten something bad at our group dinner. And my head hurts, and I feel sick, which always feels like I’m “out for the count” and “can’t keep up”, can’t perform or participate, get left behind.

    NSM would have hung out with me tonight but he feels bad too… so I’m alone… and not even any really connected conversation with anyone. It’s weird, but I swear — no, I *know* — that when I have the foods I need, I do not feel these things. I don’t know about anyone else (and I realize that as I keep growing and releasing old patterns, tapes, traumas, NVs etc, then it won’t even matter) but physiology is everything for me. I have to wait to get paid till I can buy more special yummy healing foods… ten more days.

    And now I am realizing I can go take a shower, do stuff for me… stuff that previously felt uninspiring… and that feels good. It even felt way better as soon as I logged in on here.

  497.  #497GingerSky on December 7, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    It feels so good to be in touch with my alone feelings, even though they feel bad. It is way better than being cheery, forced and in denial about them… and they are soooo much less than ever in the past, and I can deal with them tons better regardless now.

    I feel strong

    I feel soft

    I feel pliant

    I feel sensual and flowing

    I feel a waltz inside me

    I feel a shower coming on

    I love my feelings… i love not feeling hardened

  498.  #498GingerSky on December 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    I feel flowing again, and I am good company for me.

    I feel possibility.

    That feels Sireny as well as mature, safe and golden.

    I can keep getting well

    This dance is always transforming… I love a man who can dance with me

    I just haven’t met him yet

    And I love alive me

  499.  #499MovingMagic on December 7, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    I just finished taking a power vinyasa class. I feel strong, yet feminine. My little hips sway as I walk down Manhattan streets. I love the colors of this city, & how alive it makes me feel. I love my sense of style. My crazy leggings collection, my bling’n hightop sneakers. I just had a man backtrack to have a conversation with me. I love being a siren.

  500.  #500Scarlet on December 7, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    It feels good not to be waiting for a phone call and not obsessing about whether I should call or not. I am trying so hard to focus on myself and getting well again.

    After thinking life was hopeless, I have now decided to fix a few things in my house and put it on the market. I feel ready to make a move into the city and buy an apartment for a different lifestyle.

    I feel hopeful again.

  501.  #501GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Yum. Good vibes Moving Magic!

  502.  #502GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Mmmmmm I feel freshly ravished 😉

  503.  #503GlowStix on December 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    All lips on my back and teeth on my neck and hands on my breasts and fingernails raking up my thighs amd electricity crackling on my skin. Gawwwwwd 🙂

  504.  #504Scarlet on December 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Maybe my life can be good again.

  505.  #505LoveAlways on December 7, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    My feminine energy marathon is going well with surprising results. Focusing on recognizing my boy energy and when it comes out. Trying to stay present in each moment to feel my transition from feminine. Going to be more aware of myself. This past week I found myself very passionate, with outbursts even, because my feelings are right there at the forefront of me. But felt a lot of boy energy at times and would wonder “how did I slip into that.” So being in my feelings sometimes leads my boy energy to get something done. Other times it was my feminine energy raw.

    I’m doing the Esther experience Queen’s preparation next week. Something/someone good is coming my way soon and I want to be ready. Doing a body detox, vamping up my exercise routine, doing a home treatment on my hair, nails and skin. Putting together a new meditation schedule and I’m going to figure out when I can get some time for holistic treatments in the next two weeks. I’ll see how I feel at the end of all of that and if I feel “ready” while remaining open to what the universe is bringing my way. Yes, I’m going to slow it down. This is not easy, and I still get down in the pits, but not as for long as before. I’m looking forward to even more progress. I’m okay.

  506.  #506Heart on December 7, 2012 at 11:04 pm


    I feel so Happy. I am a bit teary-eyed….My heart is singing and soaring….

    CuddleyGrinch just sent me an Really Really Long Email…
    In summary….He said he had been angry because I cancelled last time…but now he sees that he should have organised things better…

    And he asked me out!! – to a place in my area!

    Thank you God.
    Thank you Universe.

  507.  #507Heart on December 7, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    I can feel his masculine rowboat energy coming at me…

    I missed him so much.

  508.  #508Heart on December 7, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    and he wrote that he had been really lookig forward to seeing me…when I cancelled.


  509.  #509Goddess Lily on December 7, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Yay Heart!!!

    I wish I was having the same luck…

  510.  #510Goddess Lily on December 8, 2012 at 12:06 am

    My work ex just called….at 235am!!!! I answered, feeling curious. He wanted me to come cuddle with him. Two things wrong with this:

    1. I had previously made it clear to him with FMs that it would feel good to go on a date (he told me we would, we came close once and then came the excuses about money) 2. He wanted me to drive to him…at 235am!!!!!!

    So I tried again. “It would feel wonderful to cuddle with you. I don’t want this to be the only way I can spend time with you.” I also said I didn’t want to drive. He said something like he understood. He even sort of mentioned my previous FMs about it.

    I want to say I feel better that I stuck to my boundaries but I don’t. I feel annoyed to get such a request when I now know he knows what I want. He isn’t a clueless man!

    I want better! I’m tired of wanting to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to put in the effort for me anymore. I feel teary remembering the days when he used to chase me. He was unwavering. There was nothing I could say to stop him back then. Now he says he’ll let me get back to what I was doing (at 235 am). I feel sh!tty!

  511.  #511Indigo on December 8, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Wow Goddess Lily, that does feel kind of sh!tty :/

    I really admire you for your boundaries, I hope you are able to feel good about them.


  512.  #512Indigo on December 8, 2012 at 12:56 am

    As much as that tumbley episode of mine last night was not nice (feeling hot, sulky, unseen, ignored and then feeling like there was nothing I could do about it except wait it out) there is something I feel good about:

    it didn’t last as long as before. I eventually found my sense of peace as the night went on, and I didn’t feel any sense of shame about myself. And it had been 2 or 3 weeks since the last time I felt that way.

    I told my ex how I felt in a couple of e-mails and text messages (I know, I know) and although I don’t think the words were perfect, they were feeling messages and it was raw of how I was feeling in the moment. And I asked him to message me when he got home from his night out.

    And… he did. He would never have done this in the past. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I am slowly starting to see myself with more love and that is slowly starting to radiate out to the world around me.

  513.  #513Indigo on December 8, 2012 at 12:57 am

    It was 1:34 am too when he messaged me, which makes it even more surprising that he made the effort.

  514.  #514Silver Moonbeam on December 8, 2012 at 1:19 am

    #506 Heart

    YAY!!!!! <3

  515.  #515Silver Moonbeam on December 8, 2012 at 1:22 am

    #510 Goddess Lily

    ((( HUGS )))

    I would have been hugely pissed off at being woken at 2.35am, you did super well to stick to FM’s!!!

  516.  #516janie baby on December 8, 2012 at 1:56 am

    things were going better this week with my guy.
    he came over three nights in a row and i leaned back alot.
    tonight i am kind of upset. i have noticed a transformation in my thinking. before i would feel desperate and upset and wonder why he was acting differently. now i just feel turned off and i dont really want to see him.

    before he used to be very cadring,, kind and protectdive and this is why i was attracted to him.. always walk me home, etc.

    well sometimes i would get a ride home with him if i go out with my friends late at night because he’s a bouncer at a club and gets off at 2 am and we’d be around in the same area..

    tonight i texted him ” oh we wil lbe going to your neighborhood so i will just get a ride with you as usual”
    then he sent me texts saying he doesn’t know how he will get home and doesn’t want to be responsible for my ride too, which i felt really bada bout. it doesn’t feel good to have a boyfriend who doesn’t care about my safety. so i said “ok i’ll respecdt that .. i feel upset that my own boyfriend does not seem to care for my safety but at the end of the day, you’re not obligated. i just am more attracted to guys who care about my safety, have a good night” i know the atttraction part was a little harsh, but i felt really upset and angry. then he said “your with a group of people.. figure it out, i am tired and not in the mood for bs”

    i just feel really disrespected. don’t see htep oint in being someone’s girlfriend and committed if they don’t even care about my safety or how i’m getting home in a bad area. ugh. rude.

  517.  #517MovingMagic on December 8, 2012 at 2:02 am

    I had a night out with my ladies. We’re all scorpios, & we raged in full scorpio/womanly glory. We took over dance floors, & drew crowds to us like bees to honey. We’re sweet honey nectar. We were created by the gods to be worshipped. Sirens singing their sweet song.

  518.  #518Starbright on December 8, 2012 at 2:35 am

    Aw, Janie that sounds tough! It also sounds like this would be a good time to start doing as many other things that feel good to you and changing your vibe. He needs to see you feeling great without needing him so the attraction can come back. It sounds like you are feeling bad a lot with him and he is feeling blamed and responsible for you instead of drawn to you. If you can afford it I would highly suggest Rori’s Reconnect your Relationship program. It is very very good and I think would really benefit you. If not, hopefully you have her $20. Book. The trick here is to be open to him while leaned back with no expectation. And to change everything that you have been doing and to feel happy without him. All Rori stuff! And it really works too!

  519.  #519Sassy on December 8, 2012 at 2:37 am


    Good for you! Move forward gently and slowly.

  520.  #520Heart on December 8, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Thanks Goddess Lily, SMB & Sassy!

  521.  #521Daria on December 8, 2012 at 3:42 am

    I was not on e . That was a typo. Wow.

    Thank u for caring for me Daria

  522.  #522Daria on December 8, 2012 at 3:44 am

    Oh no one cd is asleep outside and another Ove wants to come

    I feel wide awake too

    But I’m not doing it plus my parents might be disturbed by me leaving again

  523.  #523Butterfly Wings on December 8, 2012 at 3:44 am

    Hi everyone! Just popping in to say hi. Not much happening here. TH is still trying to convince me to take him back, and I’m still saying no.

    I had two dates tentatively planned this week but I cancelled both. The first was due to timing and the second was because I had my youngest.

    So it wasn’t to be.

    NWG is in the meantime being really flirty and will be joining me for drinks next weekend. I’m feeling very intrigued as to how this will turn out…! 😉

  524.  #524Daria on December 8, 2012 at 3:52 am

    I’m loving D