Turning Around Disappointment

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Ever stood in your living room, in your kitchen, looked at your man, or your empty “dance card” of fun things you’d like to do and wish you’d done, felt the disappointment well up in you and the words come into your brain “How’d I get here?”

I don’t think there’s one of us that hasn’t felt like that, and doesn’t still feel like that. Perhaps only sometimes, and perhaps all the time.

If you’re spiritual-minded, you may have tried telling yourself “This is what was supposed to happen, these are the lessons I was supposed to learn, this is what God had in mind for me so that I could get stronger and have a meaningful life where I could serve others.”

Nothing wrong about that.  It might feel good and help, and it might be true.

If you tend to anxiety or depression (two sides of the same coin – they’re like a lid over the soup of your feelings, shaking and bubbling but trying to stay on no matter what), you may go to “If Only…”

You might blame yourself, or blame circumstance, or blame a man.

I’d like you to avoid this route.

If you’re action-oriented and yet want to go with your Feminine Energy – you might do my new Power & Self Esteem Tools of Stating Problems, Flipping them to Wants, Riffing, Tracking Sensations, and Channeling your way through the feelings, and then accept, love and take your feelings and the Nasty Voice, too, and go out for a run, or work on a project, or make a date – something on your action list.

This is, of course – what I’d like you to do.

Now – let’s add this to the mix –

Let’s say you’re standing there and feel attacked by disappointment and the “If Onlies.”  Your brain instantly tells you to”label” your situation into a “problem” – to “assess” your situation, to go backward in time to “figure out” how you “got here.”

In that moment, I want you to notice that what you’re mentally doing is trying to create a “do-over.”  You’re trying to redo the past and make it all better.  Only, you look around, and no matter how hard you try – in reality you’re still standing in the same place.

You can, however, emotionally create a “do-over” – just as a learning and practice experience. You can write down what happened before, do a translation of the way it went, create Feeling Messages, make it end the way you want, master the experience by Being in touch with your feelings this time.

And I don’t want you to go there, either.

I know – it sounds healthy, it sounds like good practice.  And when we get Triggered – it’s going to happen. But, look – we could easily spend our entire lives “re-doing” old circumstances. So, there’s a better way.

1. When you hear yourself going to “If Only…” and then trying to re-do old circumstances, or put them in perspective, or talk yourself in or out of anything – STOP.

2.  Instead of giving your disappointment wings to explore the past – STOP.

3.  Instead of saying “This is the way it’s supposed to be…” or “I was so stupid then, this is how it turned out…” or “Oh, if only I’d…” – STOP.

4.  Now, say LOUD AND CLEAR – actually OUT LOUD if you can – This is What Is.  This is The Way It Is In This Moment.

5.  Now I want you to put your arms around yourself and hug yourself – HARD.

6.  Whatever you feel, let yourself feel it, and if your mind comes up with images or words to describe what you’re feeling or WHY you’re feeling it – now’s the time to start the Power & Self Esteem Tools (make sure to start from Post #1) going.

7.  When you hear a problem in your mind or heart, FLIP it with passion. Then Riff and accept and love and feel and channel until you find yourself in motion, doing something you love, doing something that feels good – even if it’s a do-nothing thing – like lying in a bath, or taking a nap, or watching a movie on TV.

This new Tool of Loving and Accepting what’s IN FRONT of you as the ONLY real, true thing in this moment will help you to get used to seeing ONLY what is in front of you.  ONLY this moment in time.

This way, when you DO get triggered, and past moments come up, you can always ground yourself in WHAT ACTUALLY IS.  You can get your mind and heart and body USED to seeing things this way.

I’ll be practicing with you today.  Feelings come from everywhere – from past, present, future.  From habit and from our primitive, survivalist brain. From our nervous system and all our senses.  They are not to be controlled – only felt and used to fulfill us and to fuel us.

But in order for all this to work the best for us – we must LIVE from What Is Right In Front Of Us. Don’t let your feelings take you back into an old reality, an old moment. Just let them take you to more feelings.

Try this and let me know what happens for you.  Love, Rori

28 Comments

  1.  #1Becca on November 13, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    Wow, Rori, I loved reading this post. I often struggle with “what if’s” when I’m dissatisfied or disappointed with the way things are. I usually try to give myself a reality check and remember that things aren’t actually that bad, but this is difficult sometimes. I think maybe it comes from a need to control situations and people around me and from my own insecurities. I have been trying to listen to facts and take things at face value now that I know my feelings are just my reaction to life (and have no basis on actual fact), but it is difficult. I will be working on the power and self esteem stuff today.
    Love and thanks to everyone 🙂



  2.  #2Reshi on November 13, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    Rori, this is fabulous; I can’t even count the number of times the question “How’d I get here?!” has come up in my head throughout my life. And now I finally have something to DO with it rather than to sink down into despair and go swimming in the toilet…



  3.  #3Daria on November 13, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    Wow Rori this is really deep and cool… it has a really exotic powerful feeling about it… I really loved hugging myself hard… I hadn’t realized how scared I was… and I like that I can feel things without necessarily putting words to how I feel like scared or anything… I just feel in my body… it feels awesome like I am a magical nature jungle creature…



  4.  #4Jenaveeve on November 14, 2008 at 12:02 am

    Wow!! This was really Awesome! Just yesterday I was feeling really horrible about the way things are and instead of beating up myself or dwelling on it I got out of the house, went for a run, and took a nice hot bath afterwards. It felt soo Good! I felt even better in the morning.. Refreshed & Invigorated. Feelings I dont feel often and actually missed!

    Why is it that when we feel bad we want to hurt ourselves even more?……………….

    I loved how it felt to hug myself. I closed my eyes and felt as if I entered this unfamiliar yet safe space. I need to hug myself more often!!

    Thanks again Rori. You are an incredible Blessing to us All.



  5.  #5alias girl on November 14, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    This is what is. this is the way it is in this moment. i feel like my brain is tired. my head is tired. my eyes are tired. why are my eyes always tired? i think i have sleep apnea. i feel scared. i feel so scared and i have always felt scared and i just live with it but it makes me feel heavy like i am encased in metal like the tinman. i feel tears and a quivering lip. i feel a heavy exhale. i feel like a failure. i feel more tears and a runny nose. i feel like i am superglued to my current way of life and i just want ti to be my Old life. but it’s not. it’s what is in this moment.i feel cramped in my apartment. i feel like a dog being caged. i feel safe in the cage. i often run into my cage and stay there. i feel irritated. i feel better just writing this. i feel like i am just spinning in circles. i feel poor money wise. i feel shamefulabout that. i feel like a ragamuffin. i feel inadequate to pullin a man i like. i feel trapped in myself. i feel like my spirit is trapped in casing and wants to be free wants to live in my body freely and have Fun. i feel stuck. this is what is in this moment. i feel a frowny face and pouted lip and eyes welling up with tears. i feel unsuccessful. i feel stuck. head drooping forward. lack of motivation to finish writing this until i get to the sunshine. i feel angry. i feel judgmental towards myself in a negative way. i love my judgments. i love my droopy head. i love my tears and my trapped spirit. i love my sleep disorders. i love my poverty. i love my stuckness. i feel naseaus. i feel sad. crinkled eyebrows. i feel like a victim. i love my victimhood and my impotence to make change. i love my tears. i feel angry. no sad and depressed. i feel like a hostage. i feel trapped. ugh. i feel so annoyed. i love my impatience with myself. it reminds me of my father. i feel like i was never good enough for my father. i feel more tears and sniffles. i feel like it’s all dark gray inside me. i feel unattractive. i feel like a victim. i feel tired of writing this. argh. i feel impatient. i feel angry.i feel rejected. huh? i feel rejected by the world.rejected is not the right word. i feel outside the clique. i feel tired. emotioanlly tired. i wish that would go away. i’ve always felt like this. i feel sad. i love my sadness. and i love all the negative crappy things i say do and feel but i am tired of writing. this is what it is in this moment. and in this moment i didn’t get to the good feelings. hug. i feel inadeqaute and undeserving.



  6.  #6alias girl on November 14, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    i am going to start dating myself. once a week i am going to take myself somewhere that i really want to go. i am going to do the research and make the arrangements and buy the tickets or whatever it is the man would normally be taking care of. i am going to have a plan a and a plan b for date night. just in case plan a is a bust. these dates will have nothing to with whether or not they are places i Could meet a man. date night is for me. it’s about getting myself opened up into the life i want to lead that i keep waiting for the man to come to the rescue. no on date night i am the man and the woman. thus appreciating what a man has to go through to please me. on that same note i have begun approaching men with inane questions (men i am not even interested in) just so i can have empathy for what it takes for a man to approach me. i did it tonight and the one guy was super rude and cold and snobby. ok so what. i directed my question and attention to the other gentleman and went on my way. also i am going to start going and doing activities at places i might meet aman but still the activities are something i find fun. (different than date night when its so all about me and it being date-ish.) and i am going to start dining out more. basically i am going to start building a really good life for myself. i’ve even started applying to jobs for extra income. a lot of this stuff is from doing modern siren. it just toook awhile to kick in. i just need to prioritize and do this for myself. i already went to the internet cafe tonight to get directions for tomorrow’s date. and i know what dress and shoes i am going to wear too. heehee and i am even a little excited about it like i would be for a date with a man. and if plan a falls thru tom nite i will take myself to dinner at a restaurant i’ve been wanting to try. this will be good. since it is challenging for me to let men into my rotation that bore me. so while i’ve got a coupple of decent guys circling me none have asked for a date yet. this will be a fun experiment. 🙂



  7.  #7Becca on November 14, 2008 at 8:25 pm

    I feel that I am still struggling with the feeling messages, especially around men. I have started thinking in feeling messages a lot of the time and often get triggered by places or activities that i used to go with my ex. It feels so hard sometimes. But the thing is yesterday he IM’d me and the feeling messages went completely out of my mind… until the end when I said my goodbye because I had to go and said “felt good chatting to you again” and now I feel soo lame about that though it is definitely how I felt at the time (and relieved because he was finally talking to me again). I feel so weak. I feel like I am messing this all up. I want my power back! I want to get across all these other things I’m feeling like confusion, rejection, sadness, that I’m moving interstate next year and that I’m scared and excited about it etc. So I was hoping that you ladies would be able to give me some advice and help me to write a power speech so that next time he contacts me I am prepared.
    On a brighter note, I did spend last night hanging out with a different guy and had fun… and he was actually encouraging me to tell him how I felt! And that felt good. Though I still found it hard to say things in feeling messages with him too. Baby steps I guess.



  8.  #8tina on November 14, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    Hi Rori,
    All can say is Wow! Such a small tool to hug yourself. I felt soo good, I actually teared up. I am always asking for a big squeezey hug. But hugging myself made me cry little tears of release, I will do this at least 3x a day.

    Becca I can so relate to your going numb with the feeling messages. My best power speeches come when no one is around, I cave into my heart and can actually feel tingly sensitive all over. Sometimes I softly cry. Sometimes just having paper near by at that moment, putting them down then condencing them a bit, remember the What do yo think? at the end.
    Squeezy hug to all!



  9.  #9Linda on November 14, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    Coincidentally I hugged myself to sleep last night and it felt woderful, earlier this evening, I flipped my problems to wants and posted them. I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to garner the strength to accomplish anything on that list. when I feel this way, I feel sorry for my children, that I am not strong enough to get past this and offer them what they need. I have always talked a big game, given strengh and support to others, guided them through relationships into marriages and career moves, but I cannot seem to any of this for myself.
    You girls are so wonderful, so feeling, so honest and open.



  10.  #10Bethany on November 15, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Alias Girl, I like your date night idea. I think I’m going to do that too. Rori recommended two books by Regena Thomashauer to me: Mama Gena’s Owner’s and Operator’s Guide to Men, and Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. She’s awesome, and says the exact same things as Rori. Her books are about pleasuring yourself and following your desires, and they’re such a pick-me-up. Thanks again Rori for the recommendation!



  11.  #11alias girl on November 16, 2008 at 12:26 am

    this is what is in this moment. so the best part of my date night tonight was the anticipation. it seems this is a theme in my life. nothing ever lives up to my anticpation. except for masturbation. and ice cream. 🙁 i feel sad. i feel old and sad. i feel mortal. i hate the idea of death. and yet most often life is just sort of mediorce. my best moments are often when i am not even trying to have good. moments. 🙁 i feel sad. my vagina feels disappointed. what an odd thing to say. so i called for tix earlier today for my date w my self tonight and the number was disconnected. so i was totally taking my chances driving all the way out there no knowing if thereld be tix. i thought damn if i was the guy that would give me some stress. then i got in my car. needed to get gas. more stress if i was the guy. then i realized i was cash poor and do i spend my little amt of cash on gas or to have handy. more thinking what it must be like to be the guy. then there was alot of traffic on freeway and was worried i would be late and miss part of the event. more man stress. got there and realized it wasn’t what i thought it was. at this point if it had been my idea i would have felt great shame as the girl. if it had been the guy’s idea i would have been totally annoyed and waaay disappointed. i went anyway. if i was the guy i wouldn’t be happy paying such a high price for tix to an event that the girl wasn’t even excited about. the event was better than expected. but often my mind kept going back to if i paid enough for parking or was i going to get a ticket? and then it would sort of grind on the fact that i was alonem and then it wnet to my exes and why don’t they love me and want to claim me? the night was just so so. i often feel that way about dates. even with guys. maybe guys that don’t plan things have the right idea? i donLt know maybe it’s just how i feel about most things. i need to keep searching for things that please me. this was my first date with myself snd it wasn’t even sometihng i would normally attend so i just need to be ok with it and be happy i learned how stressful it is to be the man. argh. blah. yucky. i feel like my head feels tight. and my jaw feels tight. good practice anyway. i love myself. and i love this moment just as it is. i feel hopeless. like that movie— what if this is as good as it gets? i just want to cultivate happiness within myself no matter what or where i am or who i’m with. that would make me a rock sta too!



  12.  #12Linda on November 16, 2008 at 8:45 am

    I have a question. What to do with a man who begins by stating that he wants a woman who will put him first, make him the center of her life? Both my girlfriend and I have met such men. In my case, he was coming from a marriage where his ex put her parents and family before him and his needs and judgements. He also needed to know from me that I did not already have too much on my plate with my family and children to devote the time and energy he needed. i spent all of a tear trying to put him first, to show him he could join my world, family and friemds and that i would always consider him first. surprise surprise this did not work. In my friend’s case, she just met a man who says he wants someone to take care of him in all ways.



  13.  #13Daria on November 16, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    Alias girl I totally see where you’re coming from… men are stepping up but right now I feel disappointed, tense, and icky. I want one of my exes… today I fantasized about us getting married…
    he’s wanting me more too, I can tell from his energy around me and the way he treats me, (he’s part of my group of friends) but he’s not stepping up



  14.  #14alias girl on November 16, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    thanks daria. i actually have zero men in my rotation. i think it bc i hate all men right now. i think they are weak and exploititive and selfish. and if they are my mirrors then i don’t know what they are showing me other than how strong i am and how falsely polite i can be so as not to totally tear them down. i like my strong man parts as much as i like my soft girley parts and i don’t want to have to cut off a whole part of myself(my man side) in order to secure a man in my life. f them. i need a man STRONGER than me. and i don’t see him. so my current plan is to accept what is which is no men other than weak griley men who repulse me and i have to pretend i am some soft flower in order to trick him into feeling secure enough to stay and offer me crumbs. so iLve got no men in my life. so what what’s new? in the meantime i am trying to build a decent life for myself and fill it with enough pleasing activities to distract myself pleasantly until i die. i feel sad. what’s new with that. i feel angry. i feel so angry that i live in a world full of lame o’s. i feel toxic. and also defiantly apathetic. i feel like there is no place for me in the world of human relations and successful integration. i feel inadequate. maybe at the bottom of all my bravada is that i feel inadequate. who cares. i feel angry. and honestly daria i can almost bet that contacting your exes will not be of any good joy. they are not pursuing you for a reason. i can’t say what that reason is but in my own case it is because i think they are weak. i won’t let them exploit me and i currently in this moment Hate them. please forgive me daria if i overstepped my boundaries. i probably did. probably not wise for me to directly comment back when i am in a fury of repulsion towards the world. i feel justified. i love my toxic green smoke. i love my extreme feelings of inadequacy and fears of being taken advatage of. i love my obssessiveness. i love that i am half strong man. i love that this blog exists.



  15.  #15Rori Raye on November 17, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    Alias Girl and Daria – you’re just going through part of this whole journey where you’re tempted to give up. Your LIFE is at stake here. We’re working for the LONG HAUL. DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

    At every step of your “new normal” you’ll have wonderful, fantastic clarity, and then the “pool” will get all muddy and icky again. This is how it goes. It’s what you DO in those muddy times – how you view it as an opportunity and just keep walking through toward what you want, and away from what you don’t want – that determines how fast you can move through this stuff.

    You go girls!! Just keep doing what you’re doing and use these down times to rest and regroup. (I’ll be talking about this in the new program – for now, just focus on yourself in the down times, and then let your boy energy take you “out there” again.) Love, Rori



  16.  #16alias girl on November 17, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    thank you rori. 🙂 xoxo



  17.  #17Bethany on November 17, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    I’m just riffing all over this blog but whatever. I am so afraid that I have repulsed him by being weak and the tag-along girlfriend, by not making myself look expensive. I’m so afraid that he’s never going to step up. I am so afraid that I will fall apart and it will be all my fault because I can’t control my fear. Everytime I breathe in and think about all my fear my body starts shaking uncontrollably. I am so afraid that my vibe will never come back up again. I am so afraid that I am going to get hurt and mostly I’m afraid it’s all going to happen because I can’t stop myself from putting out the negative, yucky energy. I feel so bad for being the girl who waits by the phone, that feels awful for me and I’m so embarrassed that he’s always going to see me as the girl I was this past weekend and be repulsed by me on some level but won’t break up with me until he meets someone else who’s more exciting and confident and has her own life. I feel so afraid to leave but I’m more afraid to stay. I know there’s nothing I can DO to make this happen, I just have to feel what I feel, but I feel sooooo out of control and I WANT CONTROL! No, I want to be able to let go of control and NOT CARE what he does. I want to be relaxed and happy and NOT CARE that we were soooo awkward at work today and that he hasn’t called all day. I want to feel okay, I’m so sick of this, I just want to feel okay, I want to feel confident, why can’t I feel confident? I feel so angry that I want to stomp my feet. I love my weak, insecure tag-along girl. She just wants to be loved. I love her. I wont’ leave her. She has been so hurt by people and yet she pops up to say here I am, don’t forget I’m here. And I want to feel NOT NEEDY. I want to be the inspiring woman who transforms a guy. I am that woman but I feel so confused about why I have acted the way I have. I feel like I could scream because I really feel I have shown the ugliest, neediest, grossest things in this relationship and I feel so scared that I have pushed him away for good. I want to be calm and relaxed and attractive. That would feel so good, like letting go, and opening my hands and body, and I want to feel like I can have a fresh start here. I want to feel like I can be renewed right now and have an opportunity to walk through and do it differently, and let go of the past. That would feel so good, like a shiver in my stomach, and I want a great relationship and I want to feel like I deserve one.



  18.  #18Linda on November 18, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    I’m reading, I’m listening to all the programs voraciously. I have been estranged from my man for several months. I know I did all the classic things, like overfunctioning and being unable to feel and receive love. I have been dating sporadically. My dilemma is this: we were so close, I thought anyway, emotionally and intellectually. we leaned on each other for strength support and encouragement. I know I know, all friend things, all things that drive a man away. but i find I need those things in my life. I cannot, do not have the inner strength to bear life’s everyday burdens alone. Issues with family, children, finances, the things you depend on your spouse for, though we were far from being spouses. He never even told me he loved me, but said his feelings should be judged by his actions, not his words, which eventually those actions emerged as further and further withdrawal. I need help on this. I feel so isolated.



  19.  #19alias girl on November 18, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    hi linda. the power and self esteem series (i believe you can find the posts in the side bar, start from the beginning and work your way through the steps.) the will help you feel your feels, process and integrate and restore your POWER. fo sho. 🙂 you are not alone.



  20.  #20Linda on November 18, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    thank you alias girl. I have posted my problems and then flipped them. Now I am about to figure out this whole riffing thing. I really appreciate your support.
    Linda



  21.  #21alias girl on November 19, 2008 at 12:22 am

    there is great power in the riffing. for me it helps to do it as a comment on rori’s website bc i feel like i am witnessed my other loving supportive powerful women and that seems to accelerate my progress. but i do it on my own too and still works. if you’re not comfortable putting something so personal on here it will still work. just definitely i wouldn’t want to skip that step bc it is very powerful esp whenit morphs and then you get to channel it.



  22.  #22alias girl on November 19, 2008 at 10:50 am

    if i had the money i would pay healers and psychics and acupuncturists and shamna and anyone who take this fear away from me. 🙁 ugh. it interferes with my enjoyment of life. i have a hard time in the mornings getting out of bed. i know alot of people do but it is super intense for me and prevents me from being whole. prevents me from being who i want to be. i am SO SCARED when i first wake up. i feel so scared and that feels like a trembling lip and a pit of fear in my stomach and an alert vagina and i just want to be whole and happy and have a nice guy and a nice home and a decent career and be semi attractive (or beautiful would work also) and have a good sex life and have alot of money and. i feel ashamed that i comment on this blog so often. maybe i should watch more tv or something.but i want to blossom. i just want to blossom and enjoy my life fully and so i think maybe this blog and rori’s tools have answers so iam glued to it. i just want to feel good consistently and not be holding myself back in so many ways. i feel tears and heavier gaps of breath. i feel trembling lip. more tears. damn. i feel scared and unworthy. weird squeaky crying sounds. panting breaths. big breath. i feel calmer. ild rather feel than not feel but i’d also rather feel good and strong more than i feel scared and unworthy. esp in the mornings. rori i don’t know if you read each individual post but is there a quikcer way through this? ugh. why can’t i be as well balanced as jesus. only quirkier more fun more sexual and less into serving people 24/7.



  23.  #23Linda on November 19, 2008 at 11:03 am

    “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from coming up to bat” Babe Ruth,the Great Bambino

    alias girl,everyone, check this out;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoaTl7IcFs8



  24.  #24Rori Raye on November 19, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Okay – I’m going to do some posts here about nutrition, hormones – what’s going on in your body that’s for sure affecting your mind and mood…this is a really crucial part of the puzzle, and some other techniques for beating the old patterns. Love, Rori



  25.  #25Linda on November 19, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    Gosh, I’m starting to hate online dating. I meet a guy, e get along great. He writes to me in French, drives my babysitter home, calls for an impromptu dinner date, I explain I am interviewing tutors for my kid and poof! He’s gone.I hate that I get reeled in so easily. I hate that I am at the mercy of every man that shows me the least bit of attention. I hate that i am so hungry for any attention.I notice that when things go right, they all go right. I get calls for work. The guys start filing in. I talk to everyone I meet. when one thing, a man goes wrong, it all falls like a house of cards..The work dries up after my having to turn down a days work because my son is sick. The guys stop calling. Oh, except the creepy one I practiced on that looks like he owns a hotel with his mother in a Hitchcock film. And speaks so awkwardly, and yes, I know he’s probably a nice person and they are all valid and allowed to live. I have so little time for myself I can’t spend it/ waste any. I justw ant to spend a little time with someone I feel has status, someone I can learn from and enjoy being around. I just don’t get this cut and run thing. Oh, and I did that phone thing Rori suggested. Geez, I hope I didn’t get charged every time there was a little beep. Listening to two women praise each other for no known reason for an hour to find out the way to meet/flirt with a man is to smile…c’mon.I learn more from one Rori blog post, not even necessarily from Rori than I did in this hour of my life I will never get back. sometimes it feels we are being exploited.



  26.  #26Jacqueline on November 22, 2008 at 11:41 pm

    I read and appreciate Alias Girl’s comment. She reminded me of Rori’s teachings to be good to myself by dating myself on a regular basis and then also go to where there may be men I can connect to. And to begin to build a good life for myself. I like Rori’s reminder that What is happening right now, is for right now. I have a long-standing strained relationship with my daughter and my son. I have used some feeling messages with my grandson, and I have noticed that he frequently will respond to them when it is just the two of us sharing. This is very heartening to me because feeling messages are a struggle for me to express….I feel that I have bundled myself up so tight for so many years in what I now see as anger, that sorting out my true feelings will take some time and a real willingness on my part to be able to identify what I truly am feeling. As you say, Rori, being vulnerable is the safest way to be, although this feels like doing a full-body dive into ice water to me. The responses I have received from my grandson are rewarding.

    I appreciate knowing that one of your writers indicated that she must have used feeling messages at least 25 times with her boyfriend in a 13 minute conversation. I find great inspiration in this, as I was feeling that three times in a short period was way over doing it….apparently, not. I will keep trying.



  27.  #27relationship advice on November 24, 2008 at 1:54 pm

    A real relationship takes time to consolidate and can end in just a few seconds. This problem is very complex due to the fact that people have the tendency to be superficial (especially men), that is why valuable advice can come in hand when a partner starts to lose its interest in the relationship.



  28.  #28Scotty UK on December 2, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    Is there something wrong here? Every link to power and self esteem tools takes me back to the same circular place and doesn’t seem to follow any logic.