Vacation!

Untitled design (14)

Just wanted to let you all know I’m gone (to France! – this picture is of me last year in the Lake District of England) as of tonight and won’t be reachable or replying to your comments…

I’ll check in when I can, and for those of you who know my passion for science fiction fantasy romance –  think of me as “off-world” until September 26th.

The posts you’ll see on the blog until then are all scheduled in advance (some great guest posts, and mostly ideas, concepts, advice and new Tools I’ve been thinking about recently that I hope are very powerful for you) – and when I get back, look for posts on everything I’ve learned from this new roadtrip with my husband!

After the 26th – everything will be moving fast – the You Get Love group coaching class starts on Oct. 11th and 15th (2 separate classes) – and I’ll be writing with a passion as soon as I step off the plane…if you’re not on my “private event list” – here’s the info on You Get Love:

http://www.coachrori.com/teleclass/

If you need help on the blog – please let Dominique know, she’ll be the coach I refer my clients to while I’m gone, and she’ll be monitoring, helping, and answering questions here.  If you see any technical issues – let Dominique know, and she’ll get in touch with my webmaster to fix it fast.

Can’t wait to talk to you as soon as I get back!

Love you all, Rori

Posted in

646 Comments

  1.  #1Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    First Woo Hoo!



  2.  #2Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Rori, wishing you a fantastic vacation!



  3.  #3Femininewoman on September 4, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Woohoo



  4.  #4Annie on September 4, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Aww. France romance and yummy food. 🙂 X



  5.  #5Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Feeling blah tonight… needing some sleep and care.



  6.  #6Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Wow Rori have a great time!!



  7.  #7Turquoise on September 4, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    I posted this on the other thread…. wanted to let you know how tonight went.

    Hi Sirens,

    My date was nice, attractive, motivated and very talkative. I had a good time. I actually forgot about Mr. C a little bit…. but Tux is also very entrepreneurial, so that reminded me of Mr. C big time.

    It did feel good to be out with someone else though and feel some possibilities. We had a lot in common and he texted me a little while ago to say,

    Had a great time, Thank you! Hope we can do it again soon!

    I replied,

    I had a great time too! Looking forward to next time. Thank you again for dinner!

    I’m feeling frustrated with Mr. C…. like it’s ok for him to just end our friendship and come back later when he wants. I do feel hurt and pushed away. I was very tempted to unfriend him on facebook. He doesn’t want to hang out with me… then he doesn’t need to know what I’m up to.

    Instead, I posted a status comment about a show we watched together that the finale is on tonight. It’s about football, I didn’t expect to like it, but I really do. I also posted about my fantasy football team. It was something he was going to teach me, a lot sure changed since yesterday…. but just wished my friends a happy fall/football season. Pittsburgh is a huge football town.

    WTF…. Mr. C just liked my post. Now I’m really confused.



  8.  #8Turquoise on September 4, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Have a wonderful time Rori! Wow… I miss Europe. That inspires me to work hard, save up and go overseas!

    I might get to go to an amazing time share in Mexico with my sister… her work is giving her a week. It is nothing I imagine ever being able to afford. Getting to go, stay for free… wow, would be such a dream!



  9.  #9Turquoise on September 4, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    (((Siren Angel))) I’m thinking of opening a bottle of wine. I didn’t start my closet yet though, watching a show I like… may make me sleepy.



  10.  #10LiliBee on September 4, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Have a great vacation Rori!

    Can’t wait to read about it when you get back 🙂



  11.  #11LiliBee on September 4, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Hi Turquoise,

    I felt good reading about your new dates on the other thread.

    You are so awesome! You really know how to take care of yourself now.
    You’re such an inspiration.

    I feel awe reading all your posts…especially knowing how far you’ve come in only a year.



  12.  #12LiliBee on September 4, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    ((( Siren Angel )))



  13.  #13Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Turquoise,

    Awww… Thank you for the hugs.

    Your story with C and then CDing Mr. C and Tux make me realize how strong and brave you have been and are incredibly so now. I admire how much you have and continue to look out for yourself and your girls. It really is inspiring.

    I am sure you know to not unfriend Mr. C on FB, that would make him retreat even more, but I can understand the urge to do so. You expanded your love and he responded to the post. Something to ponder about him since he is so sensible.



  14.  #14Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Hi Lilibee! 🙂



  15.  #15Turquoise on September 4, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Thank you Lillebee and Siren Angel, I don’t feel that sure that I know what I’m doing, or make the right choices, but thank you for believing in me.

    Siren Angel, what do you mean I expanded my love and he responded? You think that felt good to him, knowing I liked those new interests, and that he brought them to me/out of me?

    I posted it to show that I’m ok. My life goes on.



  16.  #16Turquoise on September 4, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    I did lean forward with C today, to email him a brief update on the girls. I said I wasn’t going to do that anymore… but I don’t stay mad for long. The arguments we had were rough, and the worst we’ve had in a long time. But I”m not a hold a grudge/angry person. He responded in a friendly tone, and I apologized for being a bitc# and that I don’t understand why we bring that out of each other. But that I like it much better when we don’t fight.

    He replied to say me too…he felt I had some other stuff going on in my life (a family friend and his baby died, Mr. C and I had some stress) and that he shouldn’t have pressed so hard.

    I don’t feel weak for initiating the apology. It’s taking care of me to reduce stress. There are better ways to handle him in the future, than to let it get that bad. THe good thing about us, we don’t argue like that often.



  17.  #17Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    Turquoise,

    “Siren Angel, what do you mean I expanded my love and he responded? You think that felt good to him, knowing I liked those new interests, and that he brought them to me/out of me? ”

    Yes, absolutely! It is that he shared his passion with you and you are giving a gentle thank you 🙂



  18.  #18Linda on September 4, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    I am wondering about myself and feeling concerned that I keep having NV’s come up in me thoughts,. They all stem from my last relationship. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think of him. I dont like it and it causes me concern that these thoughts and NV’s are indicators that I am stuck still. I want to be free from them and the things I remember.

    I received a compliment from a very nice man about my looks and I said thank you… then a NV rose up and said yeah you are pretty but not pretty enough! Or I finished decorating my bedroom, and feeling quite happy with the result and then a NV popped right in and said yeah you like this but he wouldnt have. He is not even here, nor will he ever be again why is this happening in my brain? I get so crazy then and try to sort out the whys and trying to make sense of the last 2 years of my life. I want to feel normal and free from some deep seated thing in me that is wanting positive validation from this last man.

    I walked thru my family room last night and glanced at the spot on the sofa that he always had his a$$ parked and pointed there and said “F” YOU! then went on about my task in the laundry room. I felt angry and resentment and face spitting. whoa I had just gotten off the phone from a very nice man who wants to meet me. It feels odd and irrational to me to spout off.

    It feels really bad to really love someone who does not really love you, but uses that as their hook to serve their own purposes. I feel stupid, ashamed and unforgiving of myself for allowing that to happen to me.

    I dont want to be stuck when My Man comes to me. I want to be able to hear him and recognized him immediately. I dont want NV’s to say a word or have any power over me. what is the answer? I need help.



  19.  #19Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    What a lovely picture of you Rori !



  20.  #20Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    (((Linda)))

    Good for you for cussing at his invisible self maybe it’s something you always wanted to say buy never could. You got it out of your system.

    And your gravitar pic is lovely!!!



  21.  #21Turquoise on September 4, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Linda… I’ve don’t that too. I used to imagine I was throwing C to the ground in this kickboxing exercise DVD I was doing when we first separated. I’m really not a violent person, but it made me feel a lot better.

    I’ve retreated to my backyard, listening to the extremely loud crickets, appreciating the cool
    Breeze and feeling ok with the cloudy night sky hiding the stars. It feels dark and relaxing. Trying to let go of all the days stresses, my sad feelings, my wondering about Mr. C, and even a little missing him, even though I’m not happy with him. I’m leaving this all out here tonight, and then heading to work 20 min. On my closet and go to bed.



  22.  #22Laughing Goddess on September 4, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    FW: I’ve been pondering this and realized that I feel pretty numb to the term ‘passive aggressive’. I had an ex who was fond of using it and accused me of it quite often. And with some self-reflection, I could see that I do have a tendency to take this approach.

    So with me being accustomed to hearing it and knowing that you are a pretty straightforward woman, I didn’t realize that it could come across as hurtful.

    But when I read it back, I did feel concerned and wishing I would have communicated it differently.

    A few weeks ago, I realized that I was talking about Radlove in third person and I didn’t feel good about that and I have been addressing her directly now and I feel good about the way our conversations have been going. Even when I was feeling kinda tired and short the other morning, I felt like we were still able to communicate constructively.

    Sooooo, kinda losing track of where I was going with this….

    What I want to say is that I apologize if my comments came across as harsh or hurtful. That wasn’t my intention. And I also don’t believe that it was your intention to be hurtful as well.

    I think the passive aggressive comment came because it was clearly passive, in the sense that it was directed to me and not her, and aggressive in the sense that it was…I dunno, harsh? Not sure that’s the best way to say it…

    But even if it was PA (from my perspective), you’re still a great person (from my perspective) and I certainly would never want you to feel bad on my account.



  23.  #23Laughing Goddess on September 4, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    963: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks sirens I don’t think this guy is stepping up after all

    Emerson, why do you say that? Did something happen in your conversation?



  24.  #24Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    23 LG
    It’s cuz he does not call or ask me out. Just cutesy texting. Sigh.
    I feel like I pushed him away at first but now I want to know him. Nvs are saying “Maybe I ruined it” but I know that is not true IF it’s the right guy….

    Another guy I know thru a friend likes me but I am guarded cuz he just recently got a divorce.



  25.  #25Kim on September 4, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Have fun in France!! Sounds like it could be sooooo romantic!!
    Awhile ago I thought there was a forum on here. Am I wrong or just lost 🙂



  26.  #26Laughing Goddess on September 4, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Emerson: It seems like a good sign that you have these guys circling around even if they aren’t stepping up yet.

    What kind of cutesy stuff does text guy say?

    Even the recently divorced guy might be good practice and help take your mind of text guy, which is usually when they come a knockin.



  27.  #27Heart on September 4, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    Sirens – CuddleyGrinch emailed me.

    He said – “We should discuss it ?”
    And then he said he would try to help me figure things out if he could.
    Then he changed the topic and shared something funny that happened to him the yesterday.

    I feel Surprised!

    Any feedback?



  28.  #28Kim on September 4, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    My boyfriend of a year and a half still has not introduced me to his family. This concerns me because it’s been so long. I would think that if he was serious about our relationship he would have done this by now. Is this odd? This is the first time I have dated someone this long and not had any interaction with the family. Thanks and sorry if this isn’t a place for a topic.



  29.  #29Butterfly wings on September 4, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Memulo (from previous post) – I’m still catching up so please forgive me if this is all resolved.

    You asked him for advice and he gave it.

    You were obviously expecting a lot more than that. But remember he has a custody dispute on his hands.

    If I were in the midst of a custody dispute, a relationship or issues my “partner” was having, would be the LAST thing on my mind right now.

    If I were you, I’d give him the time and space he needs right now. Let him get through this first, as I think you’re possibly expecting more than he can give right now.

    And if you can’t be patient, then CDing is exactly what you need to be doing right now…



  30.  #30Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    LG textCD says cutesy things in a good way like saying I am pretty etx



  31.  #31Laughing Goddess on September 4, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    Emerson: Awww, that’s really sweet.



  32.  #32Laughing Goddess on September 4, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    Did you say any of those FM’s about meeting in person?



  33.  #33Heart on September 4, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    I like Rori’s top…very Sireny.



  34.  #34Heart on September 4, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    …sireny…for a walk in the country-side I mean – the color that is….ok so it’s not like a gown or s cheetah dress but u know wat i mean…



  35.  #35Heart on September 4, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    I think Rori’s top is a Siren symbol…it’s not overdone…it’s feminine and effortless.

    There…
    I’m rambling on and on…

    Will someone please respond to my early post….



  36.  #36Heart on September 4, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    the one about CudG.



  37.  #37Butterfly wings on September 4, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Haha I said “now” a lot, didn’t I??? 😀

    Typing on phone is hard.



  38.  #38Heart on September 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    BW – yup – Agrees.



  39.  #39RiverGirl on September 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Staying in the moment BW!!!



  40.  #40RiverGirl on September 4, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    Heart, I feel unsure what it is you want feed back on.



  41.  #41Butterfly wings on September 4, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    Something interesting happened with TH last night. After gym we came back to my house and had dinner.

    He had some work to do (on his laptop) and I was tired, so I said goodnight and he replied to say he’d be in soon.

    A few minutes after I’d turned the lights off he came in and tenderly kissed me on the forehead.

    Now, this guy is NOT affectionate at all, so this caught me by surprise!!

    Even though I’m not sure where this is going, I know it’s never been better between us, and finally I’m starting to feel wonderful in his presence again – sometimes! 😉



  42.  #42RiverGirl on September 4, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    BW, Could it be that you are feeling wonderful in your own presence and he is picking up on that? 🙂



  43.  #43Heart on September 4, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    Rivergirl – on CudG’s response I guess…and the overall interaction..



  44.  #44Heart on September 4, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    #41 BW – how beautiful…



  45.  #45RiverGirl on September 4, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    Heart, I would just stay open to hearing any advice or solutions he may have. No expectations.



  46.  #46Butterfly wings on September 4, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    Haha RG I think you’re right! 😉



  47.  #47Butterfly wings on September 4, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    42 RG – yes. I truly believe that he’s picking up on my happy new vibe and is responding to that.

    I also think he feels as surprised as I am about my recovery after coming off BCP.

    Also, I know I’m respecting my own boundaries much more than ever before and I love myself so much more because of it.

    He is also probably sensing my shift of focus AWAY from him! 🙂



  48.  #48Butterfly wings on September 4, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    I’m learning that my shift in focus off him and on to me has been the biggest thing – and I’ve not had to date other men to achieve that.

    Down the track I would definitely consider dating other men, but for now I’m really enjoying CDing myself and my friends. No pressure – just fun!!! 🙂



  49.  #49Tam on September 5, 2012 at 12:01 am

    Heart..I knew he would contact you!!
    So now he is willing to work through this with you, I think that’s really great….
    did you reply yet?
    Are you open to meeting him now?
    He definitely cares, and that’s good!



  50.  #50Daria on September 5, 2012 at 12:53 am

    Aww Rori is vacationing I feel glad she’s taking care of herself like this. I felt compassion last year when she said she hadn’t taken a vacation in a long time. (((( Rori ))))



  51.  #51baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 1:02 am

    Heart, I view it positively.

    Firstly, he initiated the communication by emailing you. In my limited experience with men and ginormous experience hearing gfs rant and rave, men don’t bother to reply if they aren’t interested. CG messaged u, initating contact shows even more interest than responding to a message.

    Secondly, he addressed your feelings and your concerns, and has promised to help you work through them.

    Lastly, I love the fact that he shared a funny incident with you. I like men that share ^_^

    He could also be deliberately lightening the conversation with the story.



  52.  #52Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Tam – Taaam!
    I feel Surprised! A guy wanting to talk about it? Wow. Lol
    I feel cared for…but I also feel skeptical and scared.
    I have not replied, I don’t know what to say. I need some time to find an authentic agenda less feeling.
    And I’m a little swamped at the mo. with stuff I need to get done. I’m open to meeting him

    Rivergirl – Thank you. No expectation is good advice.



  53.  #53baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 1:05 am

    dear Heart, in reply to ur earlier question…

    we have been together for 5 years.

    Im reading up rori’s posts and her ebook. Thank goodness for free wifi in the hotel. I barely know my colleagues here and want to keep things impersonal/focused in work. I can’t wait for my project to be done so I can return home.

    This situation is quite new. He is hot tempered and if we quarrel, it’s gun blazing or he goes cold. I’ve never had him be there but not there…. Ie, he responds to questions but never imitates or volunteer info. Its hard to carry on such conversations.

    Thank you for ur thoughts. I will lean back and try not to count the hours. Our time difference is about 15 hours.

    ps I realized I’ve lost the ability to cry! I remember crying quite a fair bit early in the relationship whenever things went bad. Wondering to myself if that means I’m becoming more musculine as I age!



  54.  #54Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:06 am

    wow, I just got triggered….I feel surprised.
    Two things, one of my friends (also a friend of MrP) just posted on fb that it’s exactly one year ago he flew into the US and how much can happen in a year!
    (he managed to get a great career and visa to stay)

    I got sooooo triggered because I tried now for 3 years to get in…and all attempts failed miserably. It feels unfair and though of course I am happy for him, I feel jealous because he never even tried so hard, everything just fell into his lap – he will even admit that.

    And then his new girlfriend kind of posted that ‘the most important thing happened in tha last ‘half-year”, which is when they got together. And then that triggered me again as she is the leany forward woman who befriended MrP and all his friends on fb…even though she met them once (and I have been in leaning back mode and befriended nobody, although I have known them for 2 years).
    So why does that ‘pushing’ her relationship and its importance on his fb wall trigger me? No idea.
    Because I wouldn’t even tempted to write anything like that on anybody’s wall, whom I was dating.

    Guess I just feel envious…and I wonder whether leaning back really works. Leaning forward obviously works for her…hm.
    I know that leaning forward with MrP would get me instant results. But no. I don’t want instant results actually. I want to be chased and cherished…and I want to be sent the friend requests from people, not me stepping forward and saying ‘please please I want to be your friend’. No.
    And I want a man who proudly states that I am his girlfriend, not one I have to talk into it or facebook wall into it, by tagging arm-in-arm pictures to ‘show’ everybody.
    I want a man to be so proud of having me that he would want to show me off to the world.
    Ah, ok, there we are. I feel so much better now.
    Ok, trigger almost crushed.



  55.  #55Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:10 am

    Sometimes I feel that I will never meet this man.
    I feel a little tearful now.
    I am afraid of being rejected again.
    I am afraid of being asked to ‘be friends’ again.
    I am scared of dating men with children and always come last.
    I am scared of dating men with no children who were never married and never had a long-term relationship at my age.
    I am scared of everything it seems.
    Maybe I will just be alone. I love myself. Really that is all one needs. Perhaps ‘he’ does not exist. I don’t know. 🙁



  56.  #56Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:11 am

    52 Heart you can take your time with a reply, no urgency, he took his time too… 🙂



  57.  #57Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:13 am

    Tam – actually I feel Bad about the comment about men. Menn do like to talk and resolve things. I have met a few men that I open that way. I want to refrain from making comments like those…I does not feel sireny.



  58.  #58Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:13 am

    #56 – Taaam! LOL!



  59.  #59Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:20 am

    #51 – Thank you for the input Babysteps/BabyBird 🙂 .
    I feel calm reading your summary/outlook.

    #53 Babysteps – what exactly is the problem you and your SO is facing. Would feel fun to have you give him name. I feel curious about what you would come up with…



  60.  #60Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:23 am

    57…Heart, yes, some men do want to talk and resolve, others don’t so much – maybe because of fear – I can only assume because I used to run from talking things through (out of fear).
    Everybody is different…it’s all good in some ways. Everyone has a different time line and different healing time line….
    I don’t see your comment as un-Sireny



  61.  #61Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 1:26 am

    54 Tam – Leaning forward gets fantastic results – if you want a feminine man! 😉



  62.  #62Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:29 am

    #55 ((Tam)) ….can you go try Rori’s Perfect Partner Visualization/meditation pleaaase? I’ll link you if u don’t remember it.



  63.  #63Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:32 am

    62 a link would be nice heart…:)



  64.  #64ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Morning Sirens!

    Rori have a great vacation
    🙂

    Thank you ladies for all the helpful comments, and in particular thanks to Sassy for her kind words on the other thread
    I can harldy keep up!

    I love the idea of creating a document of certain bits of the blog, I might do that as a reference manaul to help me negotiate the FM



  65.  #65Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:36 am

    #54 -Tam…Fb triggering is so Intense. It’s like a Fanclub for the Nasty Voice.
    Would feel excited to hear you deactivated your FB for a few weeks…What do u think? Take abreak from there Tam.



  66.  #66ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:38 am

    Quick update from my end
    Got a couple of what I can only describe as sheepish E mails from Man last night, asking if he could call and would I be prepared to talk to him
    I guess that was a kind of apology
    He was definitely mocking me by using FM

    He did call this morning
    I am sorry to say I did not have the Chutpzah to use FM .I felt very raw and anxious and vulnerable, so we just had a friendly conversation and that felt good

    I then had a text just saying “thank you”
    When I asked “what for” he said”just because”

    So I had anothert go and said”that feels nice to hear”

    Phew this feels like such hard work, this use of feeling messages

    I do feel sad that they can be used as weapons-doesnt feel good at all

    I really, really hope I am not coming across like that when I use FM

    It goes back to -do we only use “good” FM

    But that would not be authentic

    Some of you addressed this for me a couple of weeks ago, must trawl through the blogs to copy and paste stuff to read again

    Thank you Sirens for listening
    xx



  67.  #67ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Big hugs for Tam

    FB sounds bad for you



  68.  #68Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:42 am

    Thanks Ladies…well, I don’t want to deactivate it because I have been a globetrotter and so many friends on there, that I keep in touch with in no other way so I prefer to work through the triggers…the one from this morning is already ‘filed’
    🙂
    it gets faster every time..



  69.  #69baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 1:43 am

    dear Heart, now I feel guilty for generalizing that men who aren’t interested don’t bother to communicate. I shall strive to think positively.

    Heart, my instinct is that something is not right. We don’t live together and he is in the habit of messaging me during the day and when he reaches home. We will also chat nightly if we aren’t meeting.

    Since I left my country for work one week ago, I feel that he has been distanced and uncaring. He has stopped messaging me, the endearments and pet names in the messages have stopped.

    He responds to my messages if it involves a question. His replies are always to the point. If my messages do not contain a direct question, I will get no reply.

    Perhaps this is partly my fault as I have been busy with work for about 1 month prior to leaving my country. We were meeting less but I did not feel anything was amiss as we still chatted daily. We did have an argument before I left – its an issue that rears its head frequently and I did not think much about it. The argument was on driving speed >.<

    In short, after much thoughts, I don't really know what could be the issue…..



  70.  #70Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:43 am

    Ruth, to me it looks like you are doing well with the feeling messages and it needs just a bit of time…



  71.  #71Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:45 am

    I don’t think the feeling messages have to be necessarily only ‘good’, as long as they are authentic, about you and they are not used to want to achieve an outcome (i e as manipulation)…



  72.  #72Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:47 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/get-your-subconscious-onboard-with-your-desire-for-love/

    Here it is Tam!

    Babysteps – omgosh I feel so bad you feel guilty! Please generalize away! !.cuz i put mendown too much sometimes….But



  73.  #73Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:50 am

    Babysteps – you were making a astute obervation. I agree with you totally …So please Generalize away. I tend to put men down (say mean things) …so I’m just trying to change my inner dialogue. You didnt say anything Bad or Wrong. Keep on generalizing please.



  74.  #74Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Laughing Goddess thank you



  75.  #75Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:54 am

    an



  76.  #76Heart on September 5, 2012 at 1:55 am

    an astute observation….typos!



  77.  #77Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:56 am

    Thank you Heart!! 🙂



  78.  #78baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 2:16 am

    dear Heart, I’m glad u pointed it out. I don’t believe in saying negative things about the man in my life 🙂 and that should extend to men in general.

    Hmm he used to be a mix between mr rake ( hopefully fully reformed ) and mr charismatic of the book The Art of Seduction. In my eyes, he is now just him 🙂



  79.  #79Annie on September 5, 2012 at 2:16 am

    10: Annie says:

    1227: Radlove says:

    “Annie,

    1179 – Yes, R is saying just friendship, and I consistently feel vibes that are more serious than just friendship. I feel confused about it, tho. But I just don’t feel strong enough to push him out of my life completely. But our times together feel fantastic, and I am getting good dating experience, so I am just going with the flow in the moment.”

    Radlove. Hugs. I know you don’t want to hear this.
    I know you are confused.
    Having friendship with this man is not serving you it will lead to more heartache because you feel and more than friendship with this man.

    He is telling you over and over again that all he wants with you is friendship.
    As are all of us here.
    The vibes you feel are coming from you not him. X



  80.  #80Annie on September 5, 2012 at 2:18 am

    Radlove.

    We as women MUST learn that when men tell us they don’t want a
    commitment or anything serious, they mean it.



  81.  #81Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 2:20 am

    Wow

    I’m really beginning to see my own co/dependant tendancies. Wow, I can’t believe how blind I have been.

    I have been hamging around with my neighbour for the last year or so, and I am pretending to be happy. But now I realise I just find it impossible to say no to him. In a way I am my own worse enemy.

    Plus I also organise social things for us to do together because I think it is what he wants and will make him happy. I think I’ve become dependant on him,

    Yet at thesame time I am actually feeling like I don’t want to do things with him so much. I have just been feeling obliged and saying to myself that I will say no next time. But this has gone on for a year now.

    Arggghh….

    I feel so embarrased and ashamed. This is not the first time this has happened to me. I see I really do need to adjust barriers.



  82.  #82Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 2:23 am

    Radlove

    I think what is difficult is that we keep giving you the same advice to keep away from Ryan but you keep going back to him.

    We have no control over your behaviour, but it is so difficult to stand by and watch.



  83.  #83baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 2:24 am

    Dear Sirens, I love Rori’s encouragement of sharing our feelings and letting a guy know what we want/expect. The concept of feeling messages makes a lot of sense to me and I’m testing them out.

    However, at which point do we cross over from sharing our feelings and self loving vs being self centered?

    I put myself in a guy’s shoes and can’t help feeling that if I keep hearing ‘I feel this and I feel that’ that I would not want to be in a r/s cos all this person cares about is herself and her feelings.

    Sirens, please share ur thoughts and opinions.



  84.  #84Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 2:33 am

    Hey (((Radlove))). How you doing?

    I wanted to post earlier about your situation, but it was just going to be too hard on my phone.

    As I read your interactions with R, all I could do was cringe, because I knew what was coming. It felt like I was waiting for an accident to happen. And sure enough, he did what he always does – he retreated and told you to leave him alone. And I KNOW how painful this is for you.

    Unfortunately, either because of his mental illness or other reasons (it really doesn’t matter), he may NEVER acknowledge the pain you endured in 2009, and he may NEVER admit fault for it either. EVER.

    I’m not 100% convinced he has done anything “wrong” as such though, because of course I don’t know the whole story and I wasn’t there, so my assumptions are based only on what you’ve posted here and told me personally. I really hope I’m not offending you here – I’m just saying how I see things from here with my limited knowledge.

    I didn’t see anywhere in your story where he said “Radlove, I want to be with you forever”, or “Radlove, you’re the one”, or anything like that. Both my ex’s said that to me many times, LONG before they actually proposed. I can see how you perceived his intention to propose though, although I also see a lot of assumptions you have made (that I may have made myself in the same situation) in your story too.

    You’ve already told him of your pain many times, and he did not respond positively to it, so is there really any point of reminding him of that over and over again? I know you’re looking for validation from him or acknowledgement for your pain, but surely by now you can see he’s not going to give it to you?

    So my point is, what can you do differently that you’ve not done before? You’ve been down this same road so many times, and every time you react the same way, and every time he reacts negatively (as expected).

    You have a beautiful kind heart Radlove, and right now, R just is not capable (or willing) of nurturing that heart.

    If he says he doesn’t want a relationship with you, why don’t you try believing him? I know you think he means otherwise, but you’re making assumptions.

    What if you’re wrong?

    What if you choose to believe him this time? How will you react to this if you BELIEVE he means what he says? What if he contacts you again and you assume that he’s only contacting you because he just wants a friend (and nothing more) to talk to?

    How would you react to him if this were the case?

    When TH “ended” things with me, I felt devastated and was a total mess and hoped he would change his mind. Thinking that way was not helping me. At all! It kept me down in that pit of despair, because of course he wasn’t doing what I wanted him to do!

    So I chose to accept that he was gone for good. I grieved my loss, then I started to think about my future and the things I would do without him in my life, and I started to make plans for just me, for me and my girls, and with my friends. Life was starting to look MUCH better than it had been and I started to feel truly happy again.

    Turns out this change in me has drawn him in like a magnet and we are closer than we’ve ever been!

    I’m not saying this will happen with R, but right now you have nothing with him, so what do you have to lose by letting him go, grieving his loss, then moving forward in your life? It may draw him in, and if not, you will at least be in a MUCH better place than you are now. Either way you will benefit.

    What do you think?

    I hope you can be strong Radlove. Sending love your way.

    xxxxx



  85.  #85Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 2:36 am

    66 Ruth- I am not great at using FM’s but I’m trying to use them more to express positive feelings than negative, and it’s working great.

    And it sometimes feels like hard work to come up with them too. I guess practise is the key! 🙂



  86.  #86Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 2:39 am

    79 Annie – what you said about “the vibes coming from (Radlove) not him” really resonated with me.

    I think that sometimes we want to believe something soooo badly, that we literally trick our mind into believing it is true.

    Wow.



  87.  #87Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 2:41 am

    81 Rebecca – Yay you for recognising a pattern of yours. This is a huge step towards healing, so you have nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. (((Rebecca)))



  88.  #88Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 2:50 am

    Oh how things have changed! TH and I are meeting a the gym soon, and if he were to call me now to tell me he changed his mind and wasn’t going, I’d think “Yay!” because I have other things I can do tonight that I’ve been wanting to do for a while.

    A few months ago I would have been feeling paranoid, wondering why he was “standing me up”, who he was with, what I’d done wrong… lol

    I’m kind of loving the new, relaxed me! 😀



  89.  #89Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 2:54 am

    Heart,

    I would reply something short and open to seeing him. I would not mention ‘the talk’.



  90.  #90Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 2:57 am

    Turquoise, wow. You are an inspiration you know that? I’m loving, that although you went through what you did with Mr C, you got right back on your horse and went on a date! I love that!

    I know I personally feel like curling up in a ball and hiding from the world sometimes, but it’s not the best option. If I’m ever tempted to do that again, I’m sooo going to think of you and be inspired to get out there! 🙂

    xxx



  91.  #91Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 3:00 am

    52 Heart – no expectations = OMG!

    When I finally let go of my expectations of TH, things changed in a way I could not have imagined.

    It’s hard to get to that point because I know for me I always had a hidden agenda (even if it was subconscious). But when I was able to let it all go, things improved for us beyond belief.

    xxx



  92.  #92Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 3:01 am

    Darn. TH messaged me so it’s gym time. I was hoping for a quiet night in! 😉



  93.  #93Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Hey LiliBee! I’m not sure what to make of your vacation and how I would react if in the same situation. Do you feel good? If so then yay! xxxx 🙂



  94.  #94ruth on September 5, 2012 at 3:06 am

    Butterfly Wings

    your turn around and shift in vibe feels truly inspirational to me, and you didnt even CD with other men

    83 Babysteps, hello.I feel like that about FM too, I have said before it feels very self centred at times

    when I get five minutes I must look back to a Blog from about 3 weeks ago, as I had some good answers about that



  95.  #95Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 3:07 am

    Butterfly Wings, thank you!



  96.  #96ruth on September 5, 2012 at 3:08 am

    Rebecca
    self awareness is a huge step forward



  97.  #97baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 3:10 am

    butterfly wings, can you explain no expectations a little and how to let go? I haven’t the faintest idea how to start having no expectation, it’s kinda built into me….

    Grin, if I don’t expect my so to message me, I wouldnt be fretting!



  98.  #98Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 3:13 am

    BW,

    Thank you for your post to me. The custody battle and his divorce will take 1-2 years. Now the divorce part just started and she is asking for an unbelievable amount of money.

    I don’t know, let’s see if I ever hear from him again after this.



  99.  #99Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 3:13 am

    Ruth

    FMs get easier with practise. I tend to use them as a guide for my own feelings, rather rhan for someone elses benefit.

    I used to blindly go through life, not acknowedging or really feeling when I was in a bad situation.

    The more you practise being in touch with your own feelings the easier it gets.

    I have to really work at it. Literally everyday.



  100.  #100baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 3:15 am

    94 Ruth, thank you 🙂



  101.  #101Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 3:18 am

    FW,

    It is unlikely he developed any lawyer-phobia;) And despite his complaints and various accusations of him being this and that so far from what I’ve seen every time he got up on his feet and made smart, right, efficient decisions. And he feels emotionally healthy, you know? Not cynical or hateful, nothing like that.



  102.  #102ruth on September 5, 2012 at 3:19 am

    98
    Memulo

    I may have this wrong but you do seem to see things in black and white with this man, sort of “all or nothing”-am I on the right track?

    And its about HIM, and not about you

    You dont often seem to say what you want for YOU-I mean not in relation to a man(I do the same-so feel connected on that one)

    In light of that, Rebeccas post in 99 feels very timely

    It is about *us* and *our* feelings

    Not about the man

    This concept feels so elusive.I keep forgtetting it and stuffing feelings and talking about the man!

    Time to revisit Reconnect and walk through that tunnel



  103.  #103Butterfly wings on September 5, 2012 at 3:34 am

    97 baby steps – its difficult to explain how I got to no expectations, but it’s kind of like having a Plan B.

    What if he didn’t call? What other outcome could I be ok with? What else can I plan if I don’t hear from him? What if he were to leave my life tomorrow? What could I focus on so this loss doesn’t hurt so much? What would I want in my life, if he weren’t a part of it? How can I move my focus onto that?

    Also, I know that if TH disappeared tomorrow, I’d have several other men waiting to take his place. But I wouldn’t date again straight away – I’d do “me stuff” for a while and just enjoy myself as I am right now.

    I hope that makes sense? I’ll post again after gym – too hard on treadmill! Lol



  104.  #104Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 3:35 am

    Ruth,

    Thank you, what you are saying makes a lot of sense.

    I don’t often know how to express my feelings, though when I do express them, usually in a situation where I am not getting what I want – even if I’m doing a lousy job it still works.

    I do believe that in a relationship it is all or nothing, there is no much room for a middle ground. If you start accepting the ok treatment the other person knows it and treats you worse.



  105.  #105April Rose on September 5, 2012 at 3:37 am

    Hello Ruth!

    Gosh, it’s hard to keep up with you and everyone else when I only have internet at cafes.

    Feels reassuring to come on the blog and see you

    🙂



  106.  #106April Rose on September 5, 2012 at 3:38 am

    Hello all you gorgeous ladies.

    Do you actually know HOW gorgeous you are?

    Yes, you!



  107.  #107Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 3:44 am

    BW,

    It doesn’t help me much to CD to be honest. It makes me feel like a cheater.

    Btw, I feel bad about my motorcycle photo. We did talk about it, after an hour of other topics and I felt exhausted by that time and said I felt so excited to do it, we went so fast, etc. He first said he wasn’t sure what the picture was or that I was on it and I thought – oh good he didn’t pay too much attention to it. And then he asked who the guy was and I said oh the owner of the motorcycle. He started saying that it’s very dangerous and stuff and we switched to that topic and I never said that I was at friends’ house, this guy was another guest, I met him only 2-3 times before and the ride lasted 10-15 mins. I just didn’t think of it. Maybe that is why he is not calling me??



  108.  #108RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 3:47 am

    I’ve been watching some of Oprah’s lifeclass series….seems I’m addicted to my story! Feels freeing to recognise this. Several times today I’ve felt my mood downturn a bit and I’ve noticed why it’s happening…I fall in to a state of believing my story!!!!

    Just recognising when it happens helps me to stop buying into it. “Oops, RG, you’re buying into that story of yours again!Oh….ok….thanks for noticing!!”

    http://www.livestream.com/oprahslifeclass/video?clipId=pla_0ae28798-9aae-4bc1-8fb5-c78628b398a4&utm_source=lslibrary&utm_medium=ui-thumb



  109.  #109RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 3:48 am

    Look in the mirror April Rose, gorgeous girl! xo



  110.  #110ruth on September 5, 2012 at 3:57 am

    Memulo

    I dont knowif you get Roris mails but this seemed to resonate with me about your situation

    Hi, This is Rori –

    I came up with this image on a group coaching call – Are you like flypaper?

    Where you attract all these men, they buzz on in to you – and then you trap them?

    You hold onto them?

    You care whether they stay or go?

    If this feels like you – just caring too much what happens with any one man – just pave over your flypaper.

    Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches.

    Make it soft.

    Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints.

    And…perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

    Leave it up to him. Stay or go.

    Put plants around your mental and emotional self.

    Plants that will give you shade to your thoughts and feelings and nurture and feed you – and invite a man in to sit in the shade and share your bounty.

    Don’t ask him to “stick.”

    Don’t be afraid of him going.

    Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled YOU – and change your life.

    Love, Rori



  111.  #111ruth on September 5, 2012 at 4:00 am

    and Hi April Rose
    🙂



  112.  #112Senara on September 5, 2012 at 4:19 am

    Chiming in on the importance of FMs and positive messages/comments to our man. Personally, it has made my life easier and has brought some sort of softness to my voice, as opposed to tense/dry in the past.

    I think the fact that I use positivity as much as I can has caused my man to feel more relaxed too. I still “allow” him to voice his feelings, be it bad or good, but I can feel an obvious switch in his behaviour too.

    I hate disagreements and this big change has brought a lot of peacefulness in my relationship. It’s easier now to communicate with him and I don’t get as triggered by his frustration because I now know it is not directed at me.



  113.  #113Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 4:20 am

    Memulo,

    I want to be honest with you. Expect the whole thing to take time because of the custody. But it is posssible.

    Of of my new boundaries date to only date divorced or widowed men. I will not date men who have never married (because a lot of studies show that if they haven’t by their mid-forties, they probably never will) and I will not date men who just seperated because the process is too long and there is too much stress during this time and the kis have not yet adjusted. I still believe it’s possible, but I don’t want to waste that time anymore. Unless of course, with M, but that is because we have already put 1.5 years into it.



  114.  #114Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Memulo,

    I want to be honest with you. Expect the whole thing to take time because of the custody. But it is possible.

    Of of my new boundaries is to only date divorced or widowed men. I will not date men who have never married (because a lot of studies show that if they haven’t by their mid-forties, they probably never will) and I will not date men who just who separated because the process is too long and there is too much stress during this time and the kids have not yet adjusted. I still believe it’s possible, but I don’t want to waste that time anymore. Unless of course, with M, but that is because we have already put 1.5 years into it.



  115.  #115Senara on September 5, 2012 at 4:23 am

    Ruth, the secret to nailing FMs is to keep practicing, even if it feels strange at first. Soon enough, you will feel more comfortable using them and they won’t sound as “unusual”. It is not our natural way to talk so it is absolutely normal to feel a bit lost and awkward while expressing them.

    But if I was able to do it and use FMs freely, I am sure YOU CAN TOO! 🙂



  116.  #116Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 4:28 am

    Thank you Ruth, it was helpful. Will I be able to act on it I don’t know, but it was.



  117.  #117Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 4:31 am

    SA,

    Thank you. I know what you are saying, believe me. But my problem is that he has a chance to help me, take care of me and I don’t see this happening. Maybe it’s too early, I don’t know. There are no plans to see me either.



  118.  #118Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 4:44 am

    Memulo can you accept that it is not his responsibility?



  119.  #119Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 4:48 am

    FW,

    If he really cared he would want to do it, no?



  120.  #120Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Memulo he did share that he shut down his emotions at least once when you were talking abput intimacy



  121.  #121RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 4:52 am

    114: Siren Angel says:

    “Of of my new boundaries is to only date divorced or widowed men. I will not date men who have never married (because a lot of studies show that if they haven’t by their mid-forties, they probably never will) and I will not date men who just who separated because the process is too long and there is too much stress during this time and the kids have not yet adjusted. I still believe it’s possible, but I don’t want to waste that time anymore. Unless of course, with M, but that is because we have already put 1.5 years into it.”

    Oh wow SA, I’m feeling quite shocked by your new boundaries.They sound like limitations to me. Have you heard about the high failure rate of second marriages? Have men who have been married before learned how to do relationship or just how to get out of one when it’s not right? And you know personally how difficult it can be to merge families.

    I know I’m being very blunt, I feel triggered. I’m 45 and have never married, but I know I will be a wonderful partner for the right man. You might to blocking out the perfect man by setting limits like that.
    I understand hesitation to date men who have not separated as that is more about their readiness for new relationship than any judgement about their ability to be a good partner in the longer term.



  122.  #122Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Memulo I would maybe make thata assumption with a girlfriend not a man. They have their own way of testing our emotional maturity and how we will behave when hard times and difficult situations hit in marriage. They will go that far in the future thinking about their lives. They want to know you can protect their kids if anything happens to them. Big pocture view.



  123.  #123Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 4:56 am

    94 Ruth – thank you! And nope. No men CD’s, but I DID flirt! 😉



  124.  #124Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 4:59 am

    97 baby steps – another thing I have been doing is looking for the positives in every outcome.

    So for example, we have a festival happening here soon and there’s a night of fireworks and entertainment. I’m thinking of taking my girls out for the night and will probably ask TH.

    He will either say yes or no.

    So if he says yes, that’s great – we’ll have a great night.

    If he says no, then I will consider this to be quality mother/daughter time with my girls and will still have a great night!

    So I don’t have any expectations of him now, because I’m totally ok with a yes or a no.

    Hopefully that makes sense! 🙂



  125.  #125Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 5:03 am

    98 Memulo – are you prepared to wait 1-2 years? Because I think that’s how long it’s going to be before he is ABLE to focus more on you and your needs.

    You WILL hear from him again.

    Being a mother myself, I totally get why his focus is not on you right now. It’s absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with him and his child.

    But it’s up to you now whether you’re prepared or not to wait for him to sort out custody/divorce etc because pushing for more when he has so much on his plate will likely feel like pressure for him.

    I know this is difficult for you too, but you have a choice here, to stay and wait, or CD like crazy. xxxx



  126.  #126ruth on September 5, 2012 at 5:04 am

    115 Senara thankyou so much

    So many of you seem to use the FM so naturally
    It feels good to hear that it was not always like that

    Gives me hope

    I will keep practicing



  127.  #127Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 5:06 am

    107 Memulo – just saw this. I feel the same about CDing other men kind of. So why can’t you CD yourself/your girlfriends for a while?

    Do you have any passions or hobbies you can put all of your focus on to?

    The key for you here is to take your focus right off him and onto you and your stuff.

    What do you think?



  128.  #128Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Ruth I search past articles, comments and eNewsletters and save them in my phone. I also keep a mindset of I feel, it felt, I don’t wants. I think if it as feminine and commit to doing it. I don’t think of it as natural, unnatural, hard, nothing like that.

    I believe what you focus on grows.



  129.  #129Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 5:10 am

    119 Memulo – I honestly don’t think he has the energy to focus on your stuff when his stuff is so big in his eyes right now. He thinks you’re perfectly capable going by what you posted earlier, and you ARE capable.

    What would you do if you didn’t even know him? That’s right. You would do whatever you had to do and you would do great!

    xxx



  130.  #130Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 5:12 am

    RiverGirl I believe given her experience that is a wise choice for Siren Angel to experiment with, at least for a while. A 50 year old man who I know and has never been married, recently did. That was a shock to me but I have known him long enough to know that he eventually did not want to be single.



  131.  #131ruth on September 5, 2012 at 5:12 am

    128
    FW

    so thats why you can recall all that useful stuff for us on the blog
    🙂

    I am feeling excited about making a little personal document with useful stuff in it



  132.  #132Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Memulo I believe that just as your problems seem huge and overwhelming to you and you are focussing on them, he feels the same way about his issues.



  133.  #133Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Ruth ever heard about men and their little black book? This is mine.



  134.  #134ruth on September 5, 2012 at 5:16 am

    133
    FW

    that made me feel all smily



  135.  #135Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 5:17 am

    FW,

    I know what you are saying and I agree. but I thought I ‘proved’ myself in this respect earlier this year. I was in a pretty difficult situation and I solved it myself and only told him when it was all sorted out, although I knew he could easily help me. Not to mention my whole prior history. I don’t know..



  136.  #136Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:21 am

    Memulo and River Girl,

    I am not saying it is impossible. But I choose to put that limitation from now on, yes, because I will not wait another 2.5 years with a man to know if he will really put that ring on my finger.



  137.  #137RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 5:22 am

    FW, I think experimenting is a great thing to do and of course SA will and should have her own thoughts about the men she wants to date.
    I don’t want to talk about you SA so include you here. Experimenting for me would be about trying new things, new men, new ways of relating rather than ruling things out.
    I personally see boundaries as more about what sort of treatment I will tolerate. The types of men I want to date would be more like preferences than boundaries if that makes sense.



  138.  #138Senara on September 5, 2012 at 5:23 am

    A man who is caught up in his own issues will most likely not feel good about scattering his energy. He will want to focus on solving problems before moving on. Unlike women, most men are not able to double task. Some can, but they don’t do it easily and naturally.

    And I am not talking about walking and chewing gum at the same time either. That’s easy.



  139.  #139Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:25 am

    Memulo,

    Please accept my apologies. I know how much this relationship means to you. It’s possible absolutely. You will need a lot of patience, to expand love and to be calm and serene. I wish you all that my Siren Sister. xx



  140.  #140RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 5:28 am

    SA, I don’t think you should wait around for a man to decide either. xo



  141.  #141Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Sirens,

    I woke up from the most nastiest dream in total fear…

    At first, it was sweet. I dreamed M and I were together in some remote area in a little bed and breakfast. He was coming close to me and all over me very soon in the dream. We decided to go upstairs to our room. On the way there, we crossed a man who was raging in hanger and slamming doors because he was having an argument with his new fiancee. Then I realized in the dream that M and I were also there to celebrate our engagement. When we got to the room, it was big and very bright. We lied down on the bed and I noticed in the corner of the room an asian woman with a baby in her arms that could not have been more than a few weeks old.
    Then, just before we were about to have sex, he told me he wants an open relationship. He said ‘I know how much you honor your body, so I have to let you know I am also seeing someone else but it is very recent. However she will be at a bday party (Ijust realized 5 yr old bday party is in Sept) and she wants me to let you know about us. I said ‘no,, I cannot accept this’ and started telling him how that makes me feel and got off the bed. Then the Asian woman who had the baby in her arms got up from the chair she was sitting on, and all of a sudden she was surrounded by women all dressed in white. I showed the women in white the ring and they pushed the Asian woman out of the room, although she was fighting to stay in, still with baby in her arms. She was finally expelled from the room and the door closed.

    Then I woke up.

    ????



  142.  #142Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:36 am

    My only thought was to run away and I was and soooo very upset and soooo scared.



  143.  #143Daria on September 5, 2012 at 5:36 am

    “My Husband is Not Sexual”

    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    September 03, 2012

    Are you in a relationship with a man who is not sexual? You are not alone!

    In a question to me on one of my webinars, Melanie writes: “My husband is very loving, but not very sexual. I’ve tried to talk to him about this many times in non-threatening ways, but his lack of enthusiasm toward sex makes it very difficult to engage myself when he finally does get around to feeling sexual. We have zero intimacy mentally and very little physically.”

    We often hear of men complaining that their wives are not sexual. It might surprise you that I often hear this complaint from women as well.

    In my experience, there are a number of reasons why a man might not be sexual in his relationship:

    He might have a very low testosterone level. This is something that can be tested and there is medication to raise testosterone level.

    He might have a fear of engulfment regarding sex. If he had an emotionally and/or sexually incestuous mother, he might be terrified of being smothered.

    He might be in resistance to being controlled by his wife. If his wife is critical or demanding, he may shut down sexually to avoid being controlled her.

    His wife might be needy and he might feel pulled on by her to make her feel good about herself. Just as a woman feels used when her husband uses sex addictively to feel good about himself, a man can also feel used when his wife uses sex to feel lovable.

    He might have learned to avoid both rejection and engulfment by being sexual on his own, using pornography as a safe way of being sexual without triggering his fears.

    His sexuality might be connected with emotional intimacy, and he might not feel emotionally intimate with his wife.

    There may be a control issue within the relationship regarding sex.

    Sex just might not be important to him.

    He might be impotent due to some of the above reasons.
    Melanie states that her husband is very loving, but that they have zero intimacy. For both men and women in long-term relationships, sex can become boring when there is no emotional intimacy. The first thing I would do if I were to work with Melanie is to explore why there is no emotional intimacy, and if any of the above reasons could be contributing to the problem.

    Melanie also states that when her husband is finally interested in sex, she has a hard time being involved. To me this indicates that there might be a subtle control issue going on between them: she wants sex when he is not available, but when he becomes available, she pulls away. Sometimes, having control over having sex is more important to one or both partners than actually having sex.

    I would also question Melanie regarding whether she knew this before marrying her husband. People often do know these things about their partner, but convince themselves that either it’s okay with them, or that they can change it. I always encourage people to fully accept how things are before marriage, as there is never any guarantee that things will change. One thing is for sure: we cannot change anyone. People can change if they want to, but we cannot make them change. If someone is not very sexual before marriage, it is unlikely that this is going to change.

    Given this fact, I would explore with Melanie what she knew before marriage. Since we attract a partner from our common level of woundedness, there may be a part of Melanie that is okay with a lack of sexuality, but she might be taking her husband’s lack of sexuality personally, which may be why she is having a problem with it.

    Sexuality is sometimes a barometer of what is happening in the rest of the relationship, and since there is no emotional intimacy between Melanie and her husband, this is likely at least one cause of their sexual issues.

    Whatever the reason, there is always much to learn if both people are open to learning.



  144.  #144Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Oh… and there was a part of the dream where he told me the other woman’s name was also Lisa. And before I saw the Asian woman in the corner, he was looking for her picture in some sort of very big magazine to show me.



  145.  #145Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Oh… and there was a part of the dream where he told me the other woman’s name was also Siren. And before I saw the Asian woman in the corner, he was looking for her picture in some sort of very big magazine to show me.



  146.  #146Daria on September 5, 2012 at 5:38 am

    “nner Bonding is a process, a journey, not a destination. At some point, we realize that it just keeps getting better, guaranteed, as we continue to remove the blocks to being fully who we already are. Spirit is on our side, and if we allow it, things show up, books, experiences, signs, guideposts in many, many forms.

    In my case, I have recently become very aware of a program that has been running all of my life. This program says, “You just have to push yourself thru this, and then you can be okay.” Except it never happens, because there is always the next obstacle. It is a recipe for delayed gratification, for putting work ahead of fun, for living under enormous pressure, even for hijacking Inner Bonding. The list goes on.”

    Phyllis Stein

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/3035/i-do-not-give-the-sewer-company-the-right-to-disconnect-me-from-love.html



  147.  #147Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:38 am

    SHHHIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! ARGHHHHH !!!!!!!!



  148.  #148Tam on September 5, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Ladies, had a rough morning but then the CubanCD, ok I should call him Feelingman, has sent me an email full of feeling messages again..he is better at it than me!!! So Ruth, you and me both can take some inspiration from him, here goes:
    ‘finally I have been able to talk with somebody without hiding any feelings, honestly and maturely and that feels good’
    Cute, no?
    I feel very giggly…he definitely did not do this at the beginning….and now it is everywhere in his mails…hehe.



  149.  #149Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Thank you sirens, I appreciate everyone’s input very much. I need to run now but I want you all to know that I feel touched and seen and it makes me feel cared for.

    SA,

    I am not sure why you were apologizing to me and thank you so much for all your support and your wishes.



  150.  #150Tam on September 5, 2012 at 5:42 am

    Siren Angel, I also have these what I call ‘nightmares’, very similar, but very rarely.
    It is our sunconscious speaking and coming to terms. A friend of mine once said I should make peace with the characters in the dream and ‘talk to them’ to see what they might say.
    I know, it is a bit wacky, but you could try.
    I never ever remember my dreams, so it does freak me out and I know it feels soo real.



  151.  #151Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:43 am

    The dream (my thoughts obviously got scattered):

    I woke up from the most nastiest dream in total fear…

    At first, it was sweet. I dreamed M and I were together in some remote area in a little bed and breakfast. He was coming close to me and all over me very soon in the dream. We decided to go upstairs to our room. On the way there, we crossed a man who was raging in hanger and slamming doors because he was having an argument with his new fiancee. Then I realized in the dream that M and I were also there to celebrate our engagement. When we got to the room, it was big and very bright. We lied down on the bed.
    Then, just before we were about to have sex, he told me he wants an open relationship. He said ‘I know how much you honor your body, so I have to let you know I am also seeing someone else but it is very recent. However she will be at a bday party (Ijust realized 5 yr old bday party is in Sept) and she wants me to let you know about us’. I said ‘no, I cannot accept this’ and started telling him how that makes me feel and got off the bed. he told me the other woman’s name was also ‘Siren Angel’ and he was looking for her picture in some sort of very big magazine to show me and I noticed in the corner of the room an asian woman with a baby in her arms that could not have been more than a few weeks old. Then the Asian woman who had the baby in her arms got up from the chair she was sitting on, and all of a sudden she was surrounded by women all dressed in white. I showed the women in white the ring and they pushed the Asian woman out of the room, although she was fighting to stay in, still with baby in her arms. She was finally expelled from the room and the door closed.

    My only thought was to run away and I was and soooo very upset and soooo scared.

    Then I woke up.

    ????



  152.  #152Senara on September 5, 2012 at 5:45 am

    Ahah, Tam!

    “Sunconscious”, I like that! 😉



  153.  #153Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:45 am

    The Asian woman, was crying and fighting to stay in the room for the longest time, pleading with him.



  154.  #154Tam on September 5, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Senara..haha…a nice typo. I am obviously in Florida already and have a ‘sunconscious’ as opposed to a subconscious…oh dear!! 😉



  155.  #155Senara on September 5, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Siren Angel, what I like about your dream though is that there was a lot of light/white in it.

    I believe Tam is right, your subconscious is trying to make light of what is happening in your life right now.



  156.  #156Dominique on September 5, 2012 at 5:49 am

    I want to say thank you Laughing Goddess. I didn’t get the chance last night.

    xxoo



  157.  #157Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:51 am

    My sunconscious (I like that) is telling me to lean totally back and not put up with his shit.



  158.  #158Iamabutterfly on September 5, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Have a wonderful trip, Rori, and thanks for all that you do! 🙂



  159.  #159Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:52 am

    The baby was a boy. And that I know represents something that is or will be. And that scares me.



  160.  #160Tam on September 5, 2012 at 5:52 am

    157, yep! Listen to your sunconscious!



  161.  #161Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:53 am

    …or I am assuming it was a boy, not sure, baby was wrapped up tightly in a white blanket.



  162.  #162Senara on September 5, 2012 at 5:53 am

    Siren Angel, maybe both the Asian lady and the baby represent you and somehow, in your dream, you felt being thrown out and fighting to stay in at the same time? Kind of like what you are experiencing now?



  163.  #163Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:54 am

    My sunconscious is also telling me he will run into needy vibe ‘in the magazine’ (dating site?) and the woman will be insecure about me and make demands and she will get pushed out in the end.



  164.  #164Senara on September 5, 2012 at 5:55 am

    157 Siren Angel,

    I was going to say something like that but didn’t want to make you feel bad. I am glad you ended up writing it yourself. You know what’s best for you even though your feelings must be all over the place right now. Take care of yourself. xx



  165.  #165Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:57 am

    Senara,

    That could be. I know in dreams characters often represent facets of ourselves. She did not seem to look at all like the women in the magazine, who were all honey caramel blonde, like me. Maybe the Asian woman is the representation of my darker or not as good side. The baby could have been 1 month and that is about how long ago he gave me the promise ring. Yes, I can see that as being an interpretation.

    Maybe I am being told I have the choice to push and shove to stay in and be eventually thrown out, or to not accept his shit and be pursued and stay in.



  166.  #166Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:59 am

    …or maybe it is all of it… dating site, another woman, my choice to be needy and demanding or not.

    A baby boy represents something that is or will be. A girl represents a project that is aborted. An unsexed baby could then represent something that is not yet decided, although I have a feeling it was a boy.



  167.  #167Iamabutterfly on September 5, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Siren Angel, I feel very curious about your dream. I’ve read that babies in dreams often represent new life.

    The prescence of another woman with the same name as you that M wants to have an open relationship with?

    It feels like that other woman simply represents another aspect of YOU, and maybe one that you are not quite comfortable with yet.

    I know that when I can feel myself evolving as a person, sometimes I feel guilt and/or sadness at leaving “the old me” behind.

    Like she wasn’t good enough, or wasn’t deserving enough, and yet she is who I “really” am.

    I try to remember to love who I was, who I am, and who I will be. The old “you” may come back out when she is triggered by something, but you have to learn to love her, as well as the wonderful new person who you are becoming.

    If YOU can love “the old you”, the “new you,” and the you that is still to be, then M or any other man will have no trouble loving all the wonderful “yous” there are!

    Because yes, ALL OF YOU, past, present, and future, is wonderful!

    The other women might represent the support you’ve been getting in this journey.

    Maybe the Asian woman is the part of you that feels scared of change and of moving forward.

    I’m just guessing, of course, but I feel hopeful for you.

    ((((Siren Angel))))



  168.  #168Dominique on September 5, 2012 at 6:00 am

    Siren Angel – More on infusions. Since you expressed interest in them, I want to give you more guidelines. When starting out, try 1/2 cup first. I don’t like the taste so much, so I fill a mug 1/4 – 1/2 and the rest with another tea, eg. green tea blend, Earl Grey.

    If you feel fine, increase to 1 cup a day up to three cups a day depending on your size. I believe for someone weighing 125 lbs. 2 – 21/2 cups is recommended.

    You can drink infusions daily and take any other herbs you are trying along with.

    I cycle my infusions with oatstraw (keeps female parts juicy and the libido up), comfrey (for bone health and strength), and sometimes violet (for breast health).

    I think I covered everything.

    As for your dream, nothing comes up for me other than your fears. White is for marriage but also for death in Asian cultures. Most all of your relationship fears seemed to be expressed here.

    Dreams are funny things, creations of our little brain workings, a way to sort through things. They are wonderful reminders sometimes, but try not to let this get to you in a bad feeling way.

    xxoo



  169.  #169Senara on September 5, 2012 at 6:04 am

    167 Iamabutterfly

    “Siren Angel, I feel very curious about your dream. I’ve read that babies in dreams often represent new life.”

    Hmmm, don’t want to scare anyone but I’ve read the opposite. I feel it can also mean the death of something in order for another to grow and take its place.



  170.  #170Daria on September 5, 2012 at 6:07 am

    ((((((Daria))))))

    going thru sad feelings



  171.  #171Daria on September 5, 2012 at 6:07 am

    i feel… scared and free falling



  172.  #172Iamabutterfly on September 5, 2012 at 6:09 am

    @169 Senara – that feels curious! I hadn’t read that. I feel kind of shy saying this for some reason, but I don’t feel afraid of death at all.

    For me, so much about death is about new life.



  173.  #173RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Put your arms out Daria…flying!



  174.  #174Iamabutterfly on September 5, 2012 at 6:10 am

    I read somewhere that the most masculine act is dying, and that the most feminine act is giving life.

    Feels curious and beautiful to me…



  175.  #175RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Iama, would that be David Deida?



  176.  #176Annie on September 5, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Married and separated men are men who
    are inherently unavailable.

    The truth here really is rather clear.

    When a man is “separated” or by any other description NOT divorced
    yet, he is A MARRIED MAN.

    What’s more, many times you really can drop the “yet” part from
    that last statement.

    This is a major red flag as I see it.

    Dating a man who is recently divorced brings about enough
    challenges with regard to being “ready” for another serious
    relationship so soon.

    But dating a man who isn’t *even* divorced is the very definition
    of “complicated”.

    His status is what it is

    Why allow yourself to become even more emotionally drawn in by a
    man who has no ability to commit to you right now anyway.

    That all adds up to danger ahead if you choose to remain involved.

    There are over six billion people on Earth, and lots of them are men.

    That means you don’t have to select a man who is emotionally
    unavailable…let alone LITERALLY unavailable.

    So the question that comes back to why are you there and that you need to ask yourself as Rori says is why are you there?



  177.  #177Iamabutterfly on September 5, 2012 at 6:16 am

    @175 River Girl – yeah, that’s probably correct. I read it a long time ago…



  178.  #178Daria on September 5, 2012 at 6:18 am

    i wonder if im so ‘intense’ cuz i have very low baseline blood pressure and raising my blood pressure feels good thrilling



  179.  #179Daria on September 5, 2012 at 6:24 am

    thanks River Girl! that feels exciting to read!

    am doing it!



  180.  #180Calypso on September 5, 2012 at 6:37 am

    I thought of you Sirens last night – I almost took a huge step backwatd and then I felt myself get strenght from each of you.

    GM’s birthday is the 13th and there is a new book out that I know he would love – I got a wild hair last night to purchase it and send it to him with a note inside . . . I spent a good bit of time drafting the note in my mind and then suddenly I came to my senses! Whew! The moment passed – I am NOT going to send him a gift for his b-day! Of course I’m not! I’m stronger than that ~ Yea me!



  181.  #181Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Dominique,

    Thank you again, I do love herbal teas in the evening to unwind and I am always looking for more variety. I tend to stick to camomile and grocery store pre-made ‘feminine herbal teas like tension-tamer by herbal seasonings’. Your suggestion inspires me to take a trip to the health food store and try to make some blends of appropriate herbs for me. I weigh about 105lbs at 5’3.

    “I cycle my infusions with oatstraw (keeps female parts juicy and the libido up), comfrey (for bone health and strength), and sometimes violet (for breast health).” I will try these blended with green tea.

    “As for your dream, nothing comes up for me other than your fears. White is for marriage but also for death in Asian cultures. Most all of your relationship fears seemed to be expressed here.

    Dreams are funny things, creations of our little brain workings, a way to sort through things. They are wonderful reminders sometimes, but try not to let this get to you in a bad feeling way. ”

    Maybe it is the fear of having lost a very possible marriage with M… But also giving me some indication as to how to recuperate it and that although he may be searching for something else right now, maybe, there is still that possibility out there. Feels scary, hopeful and important.

    Thank you.



  182.  #182sunshine on September 5, 2012 at 6:52 am

    I went to Philadelphia this past weekend to visit my uncle and aunt. He asked me about a guy I had been seeing which I have posted on this blog about…the imaginary relationship guy that just wanted my attention and I finally cut it off with. Anyway he asked me about it and i said I didnt want to talk about it I could feel myself feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. he kept prying and I wanted to cry but instead I resisted and just responded with we arent friends anymore. then he asked why and started teasing me/making fun. He also commented on my haircut and how now this guy and I have the same hair. I just didnt say anything while him and his wife had a good laugh. I feel so angry and sad about this…how fu–ing rude…I feel angry when he is this way. Hes always been a bit of a rude bully, and I hate that hes using me and my vulnerable situation as a way to pry into my life and also as a reason for jokes. I felt so uncomfortable but was thinking to myself how I was at their house, they hosted me and treated me to the meals. Anyway they aren’t that much older than me hes my youngest uncle. I feel so angry and angry at myself for not saying anything however I felt that if I did i would start to cry and i did’nt want to.



  183.  #183Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 6:56 am

    I am obsessed with that dream. I understand however that is may be a message that to save ‘the marriage to be/relationship’ I almost have to be at the point of pushing him away and leaned completely back.



  184.  #184Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 7:09 am

    I believe that most men don’t intentionally go out of their way to break our hearts.

    Looking back at my time with TH, he has done hurtful things several times. I now know that none of it was intentional, and I also know that he felt bad about it after. Sometimes men are just so caught up in their “stuff” that they fail to see how their words and actions can affect us.

    I was watching a reality show on TV earlier and there were several women all trying to get the attention of one man (ick!), and on the show he had to decide to send one of the girls home.

    I didn’t have the sound on, but I could see the pain clearly on his face in having to send one of the girls home. He was a bit of a player too (I think he’d been stealing kisses (and possibly more) from all of them), but I could also see he did not want to hurt ANY of the girls, given the choice.

    I was actually surprised to see how much pain he seemed to be in. Interesting….

    Most men are good people. Some just suck at showing it! lol 🙂



  185.  #185Senara on September 5, 2012 at 7:19 am

    172 Iamabutterfly

    I don’t know if I am right, though. I remember my sister told me that but that was a long time ago. Perhaps my memory doesn’t serve me that well after all. It would be interesting to have someone who can interpret dreams here.

    Death doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all either, I don’t feel afraid to die, it’s just a new beginning for me, a chance to see what’s beyond this life. I believe I am working towards more fulfilling lives from here on after.



  186.  #186Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 7:28 am

    BW that is my belief too



  187.  #187Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Oh and TH invited me over to his place tonight – AFTER I’d left the gym to head home!

    I said no and I had stuff to do too, so saying no was actually very easy for once.

    No guilt trip this time, and he invited me to spend tomorrow night at his house instead! He lives near work too so I get to sleep in on Friday! Woohoo! 🙂



  188.  #188Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Memulo that reminds of how Rori talks about men’s vigilance when choosing a mate. She said we spend more time and energy selecting a pair of pants than we will spend before settling with a man nbecause “we like him”. Remember men are boundary pushers they will hang in there untiil they are sure. Doubts will keep coming up regardless of the stage of a relationship.



  189.  #189Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 7:36 am

    I need to concentrate on my work and I feel very guilty for all these thoughts and feelings right now.



  190.  #190Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Thanks RiverGirl we all have preferences.



  191.  #191Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 8:06 am

    I feel afraid the dream means a temporary situation (hotel) where he will look for other women while he is still attached emotionally to me and our dream, but that he will want to come back after and the outcome is then in my hands.



  192.  #192sunshine on September 5, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Siren Angel I hope you heal from feeling guilty they are your feelings and they’re valuable. Maybe a quick trip to the rest room if you gotta cry a little helps lol atleast that’s what i do at work…and I impulsively check my texts there as well its my safe place at work hehe



  193.  #193Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 8:12 am

    And he couldn’t find her picture in the magazine, meaning he will not find elsewhere what he is looking for? … Maybe. I don’t know. I feel confused and upset.



  194.  #194Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Thank you Sunshine. I work partly from home, so that’s not too bad…



  195.  #195Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Or maybe it is just my fears, as Dominique suggests, as I know this is usually his pattern during a breakup. The white light though is positive, or at least clarity.



  196.  #196RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 8:17 am

    SIren Angel, could it be that focusing on what the dream might mean is keeping you stuck in a story? Keeping you focused on him instead of yourself?



  197.  #197Belle on September 5, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Siren Angel

    This dream seems like a trigger…you woke up feeling fear and are going back and forth and obsessing about the dream.
    Obsessing is a way to avoid scary feelings.
    When you get a chance, considering sinking very deep into the feeling of fear, let it be there, and then notice what comes up. There is a deeper meaning to this dream that I don’t think you’ll be able to “figure out” but if you let yourself fully feel the feelings of it, it will likely become more clear.

    Also, in dream theater we act out the parts of the characters in our dreams which gives us more insight into the thoughts and feelings of our different aspects, and we dialogue with the characters which further illuminates what’s going on in our unconscious.
    What I’m noticing about this dream is the conflict, which means there are opposing beliefs/ideas/feelings wanting resolution, which may very well happen if you can simply let yourself accept and feel the fear.



  198.  #198Belle on September 5, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Ruth
    110
    Ahhhh…*sighing*…
    thanks for this..yes!
    Feels good to imagine the warm breeze, hot sand, magic pixie dust, footprints coming and going.

    I feel so raw today and this feels so soothing.

    I had a dream two nights ago that felt really good.
    I was in love with myself and approaching me, saying, “I know what you want, you want someone to rock your world and I can totally do that for you!” and I made out with me.
    Ha 🙂

    I love observing people. I work with a man who falls in love with the sound of his own voice when he’s talking. He stands at the front of the room, starts talking, then just kind of goes away. It’s like he hypnotizes himself with the sound of his own voice. I feel sweet and giggly when he does that, my co-workers hate it. I’m convinced we all secretly really adore ourselves.



  199.  #199Calypso on September 5, 2012 at 8:44 am

    JC tells me that he is blown away by the way I greet him. I am always happy to see him and i give him a hug and a kiss on the mouth every time we get together – when he comes to my house, I meet him in the driveway and do this.

    He keeps bringing it up – sometimes just out of the blue in the middle fo the day – telling me how much he loves it and how he has never had anyone do that before.

    What do you Sirens think of that? Is it odd that I greet him this way? It feels normal to me . . . If I wasn’t happy to see him, I would not be dating him . . .



  200.  #200Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 8:49 am

    I feel luscious and juicy this morning. I feel like rich, fertile soil. My breasts feel full and ripe. I feel yummy.

    My sweetie is on an overnight excursion with one of his guy friends and I feel calm, confident, trusting.

    I feel happy to wake up to his loving message. I feel relieved to know that he is thinking of me even when he is off having fun on a girl’s night.

    I love that I feel trusting that I am the prize. I am sure that there will be other women where they are at and I don’t even care. Why would he choose any of them when I am the luscious yummy pie?

    I feel turned on by myself. Is that weird?

    Doesn’t feel weird. Feels deliscious.

    I’m so yummy I feel like squeezing myself right now!



  201.  #201Belle on September 5, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Linda
    18

    I noticed a while back that for every frigging thought an NV would pop up and it drove me nuts.

    I rarely experience that anymore (meaning, a couple of dozen times per day rather than an ongoing, 24/7 litany).
    What I do with those opposing voices is dance with them. I did that just this morning…
    I rock back and forth, from one leg to the other.
    This was my dance this morning:
    “I want to change”
    “I want to accept myself as I am”

    Back and forth, back and forth, a little sidestep, a little two-step and after a minute I feel a release and it’s like, “Ah, who cares…moving on.”
    Easy Alchemy!!



  202.  #202Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Meant to say off having fun on a guy’s night.



  203.  #203Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Belle: haha! I’m not so secretly adoring myself right now. Funny timing!



  204.  #204CurvySiren10 on September 5, 2012 at 8:59 am

    74 Butterfly Wings,

    Brilliantly written, insightful and sensitive post.



  205.  #205Belle on September 5, 2012 at 9:02 am

    LG
    203
    Fun!
    I don’t even know what made me share that, it just came out of nowhere.

    My friend likes to remind me to remember the future now when we all feel juicy and are crushing on each other.
    I felt juicy reading your post!
    Yumyumyumyum.



  206.  #206Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Belle: 205 It all just feels so yummy! 🙂



  207.  #207LiliBee on September 5, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Woohooo!!! 😀

    I’m a happy happy siren 😀

    Zumba is on 2x a week instead of just 1x starting next week.
    Yey!!!

    With funloving friendly warm instructors, and just a 5 minute drive from my place. Yey!!! 😀



  208.  #208LiliBee on September 5, 2012 at 9:12 am

    I feel so good to see you happy BW 🙂



  209.  #209Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Oooh it’s all nice and peaceful on here….

    Ahhh…. Lovely..

    I’ve realised when I am with my friends I always fill the awkward silences.

    Today I tried not to do that. It felt weird, like an uncomfortable silence…

    And it felt like my fault…

    I was with my neighbour and I’ve begun to realise i feel really stressed when I’m around him. Hmmm….



  210.  #210Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Does anyone have any recommendations for inspiring talks to listen to while I do things around the house?

    I normally listen to Abraham and Rori, whom I love, but wanting some variety.

    I’m open to suggestions.



  211.  #211Belle on September 5, 2012 at 9:25 am

    forest siren and laughing goddess

    I feel open and groovy and like sharing!
    If you feel like checking out more music, try

    charlottemarie (heavenly, groovy, transcendant, unique)
    Soul Food (mystic fusion)
    Subaqueous (ambient chill)

    also check out Bhagavan Das – Now if you like remixed Sanskrit chants

    I did check out the Shimshai Om Mata remix, and I do have great speakers. I felt snakey and slithery and sexy listening to it, thank you thank you !



  212.  #212Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 9:26 am

    I feel like he just digs all the time into my private life. He wants to spend every minute of the day with me. He’s constantly asking me what I am up to – and just pressumes he can come along. He’s alsotalking to me ina really personal manner – like he asks me permission if he can do stuff etc..

    I’ve only just realised how uncomfortable I feel around him. Annoyed with myself that I saw him today…



  213.  #213Starla on September 5, 2012 at 9:38 am

    love to me
    love to me:)



  214.  #214bloom-ing on September 5, 2012 at 9:42 am

    mm laughing goddess i used to listen to freebuddhistaudio dot com & i enjoyed it very much : ) also, there are a few different sites that offer holy text readings like the bible

    also i like audio books… the university of florida has some free ones on itunes & there are a few podcasts like the classic tales that offer free content. also, libravox does amateur readings of works that are in the public domain.

    also also also, i really like to listen to old time radio….. it’s a great free easy fun history lesson. it feels like anthropology excavations : )) also some of the mystery shows are puzzle-y & fun. agatha christie mysteries i’ve found recorded online….. & those are so fun because if you listen a few times you can actually solve the story. like she actually puts all the clues in….. ummm lol : ) i like to listen to fun things while i work too : )))))



  215.  #215bloom-ing on September 5, 2012 at 9:46 am

    lol i have to listen a few times to anything because i find it very difficult to listen the whole time. it’s good practice for me to help me develop better listening : )



  216.  #216Daria on September 5, 2012 at 9:49 am

    i just came from Bellydance class here down the street yay! it felt awesome to MOVE and i learned some stuff

    and im learning how to dance with my back from youtube too i feel so happyyyy



  217.  #217Daria on September 5, 2012 at 9:56 am

    this is me!!!

    “When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. As far as I can tell so far, it seems to involve lots of foreign travel and not having to get up too early in the morning.” ~ Neil Gaiman



  218.  #218Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Mmm

    I really feel manipulated emotionally by my neighbour, like weird mind control. I feel like this a lot with men. It’s almost like they pressume they are in a relationship with me. They talk to me like I am their girlfriend – and act towards me like I am theit girlfriend.

    I feel super, super scared and like I can’t get out of this. I am now dreading seeing him. I feel scared in my own home…



  219.  #219Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Bellydance sounds like fun. I love it.



  220.  #220Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I really feel manipulated emotionally – Rebecca I am struggling to wrap my mind around this concept. Does this mean you do not trust yourself?

    They talk to me like I am their girlfriend – How do they do this? I am also wondering how you know how they talk to their girlfriends?

    I find these concepts so intriguing now.



  221.  #221MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 10:01 am

    BAB

    It’s ok if there was no result…I do not see positive results with everything I do either.

    Practice not getting down over a lack of positive result. I do this by remembering that everything I do is, at the core, to help myself feel and heal and possibly simply share at any given moment. The results with the man don’t really matter in the short term. I approach everything I do as something i’m doing for myself to feel and heal.

    This helps me to forget about what he is doing and keep my focus inward. Which is SO important! The man HAS to see you turning love and focus back around on yourself for any of this to “work” where he is concerned.

    If you feel a strong need for affection in the mean time…Try stroking your own arm, hair, thigh or whatever when being snuggly with him instead of scratching his head or stroking him. Keep at it! Show yourself love 🙂



  222.  #222MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 10:05 am

    I recognise that I feel resistance to telling BAB that when my man sees me caressing myself he usually takes over. I feel resistant to getting “hopes up” and resistant to focusing on what the man will do. But this is truth, and it pertains to the tool. So I will share it through my resistance.



  223.  #223Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I feel really scared. I feel he is going to try and get close to me, and maybe even try and touch me and then claim that I am sending him signals.

    Aerrggghhh. I feel repulsed…

    It’s like he’s trying to muscle in on my life. He is conatantly there. He wants to know where I am and what I am doing, and then he constantly comments on it, and asks me questions about it.

    He just think I haven’t got anything better to
    do than entertain him…

    I frightened of saying no to him. He is very clever. He’ll make it look like I am the bad guy. I am a b!tch. I have used him. Thatswhat it will look like, and everyone will put pressure on me to not fall out with him because he is such a nice guy and just a bit lonely. He hasn’t got any other friends. I am his only lifeline. Everyone is making out me to be a b!tch.

    They will say ‘Ahh, Rebecca – you led him on. Did you not realise he had feelings for you? I think you owe him big time now. He is just a poor defenseless man. You are a b!tch.’

    I’m scared that’s what they’ll say. What they think… It’s my fault. I let him be friends with me. I gave him the wrong idea…

    I feel so like I have to suppress my feelings of anger…



  224.  #224Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Rebecca who is everyone?

    I can almost feel your fear as something palpable



  225.  #225MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Hi Kim

    I would feel odd about it too…

    Have you asked him if he has a reason?

    Welcome, and you are in the right place!



  226.  #226Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:12 am

    FW

    If I tell him something, like maybe I fancy going to the cinema to see such and such film he’ll say. ‘Yeah, me too! I fancy seeing that. R u around tonight? We could go then? Shall I come over to yours? Shall we get some food first? Or you can get something at mine if you like?’

    And my head reels and I don’t know what to say….



  227.  #227Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Thanks for the recommendations Belle and Blooming!

    I’m doing a lot of cleaning today and it feels so much more fun when I have something inspiring to listen to.

    I’m listening to Om Mata remix right now and feeling pretty groovy. 🙂

    And yes, yes, yes, love to you Starla. I feel so happy that you are back!



  228.  #228Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Or

    Him ‘What r u doing at the weekend?’
    Me ‘Oh might go on a walk with some friends in such and such’
    Him ‘oh, I really fancy doing a walk at the weekend. Ooooh it would be great to get out in the fresh air. Are u driving there? Are you getting the train? What time r u meeting? I’ll come along if I can.
    Me ‘oh…’



  229.  #229Dominique on September 5, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Siren Angel – You are a little bit bigger than me, so up to two cups a day is plenty. Start slowly if you are sensitive to new substances, eg. intestinal sensitivities.

    Reading back, I see that it may not be clear that oatstraw and comfrey are also infused. I buy the bulk herb from Mountain Rose as well. I’ll make a batch of one, the next time the second and so on.

    I feel so excited to turn someone else on to infusions. They are so nourishing above and beyond the basic benefits I listed.

    By the way my favorite teas are The Republic of Tea’s Green Tea – Honey Ginseng and Mighty Leaf’s African Nectar. They are a bit spendy, but you get several mugs worth out of one teabag. I also love Earl Grey which I buy at Trader Joe’s for very little $.

    Happy infusing.

    xxoo



  230.  #230MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 10:16 am

    baby steps 97

    Your name says it all 😉

    Time and practice!

    Love yourself, forgive yourself and all others. And then…

    More time and practice!



  231.  #231Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Hi Kim. Have you asked him what does he see down the road for both of you?



  232.  #232Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

    I just feel like my back is up against the wall and I want to drop him as a friend but all my other friends really, really like him because he is super nice and friendly. They just say I should be kind to him, that he’s just a bit lonely and socially awkward and that its not his fault, he is harmless.



  233.  #233Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Wow Rebecca. I am wondring if maybe leaving out the information might change things. You have to change something to get a different result.

    Him ‘What r u doing at the weekend?’
    R: I feel unsure right now. I will wait until Saturday morning and check in with myself to see what I feel like doing.



  234.  #234Iamabutterfly on September 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

    It would feel good to practice feeling messages. I feel a little out of touch with my feelings today.

    Hmm…I feel curious. I always feel curious! Feeling curious feels good!

    I feel open and wild and hopeful.

    I feel healing, I feel air, I feel tingles, I feel amazing!

    I feel a little scared about new opportunities in my life, but it’s a good kind of scared.

    Hmm…I feel thrilled?

    I feel…anxious…excited?

    I feel new and shaky and good.

    I feel electric. Charged up.

    I love these feelings.
    They feel refreshing and they feel energizing and they feel tickle-y.



  235.  #235Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

    He might be Rebecca. But you have to come first.



  236.  #236MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Tam 148

    Very cute!! Henceforth you shall be known as The Facilitator! 😀
    Making men comfortable to share their feelings in a single bound!

    It’s a woman, it’s a goddess…NO! It’s The Facilitator!



  237.  #237Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:23 am

    FW

    I try that but he just makes a little joke in a sing singy voice ‘Ooh, don’t tell me then… Be mysterious….’

    Cue long silence….



  238.  #238Senara on September 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Rebecca,

    I hate seeing you worrying so much about what “everyone” think about you or not. I hope you know you have no control over what other people think about you?

    Also, do you keep thinking about other people yourself? I am not sure but I think that most people don’t really spend their time worrying about other people’s thoughts.

    They mostly are in their own thoughts, at least I think so. That’s what I get from talking with people around me anyway.



  239.  #239Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:27 am

    I feel like he keeps givibg me these longing looks and like he can bully me into something. He looks at me like ‘Well you really can’t get anyone else can you. You need to settle for me. I am as good as it gets. We get on sooo well. Go on, just give it a go, you might like it if you try…’

    I am starting to find him super, super smarmy….



  240.  #240Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 10:27 am

    ((((((Rebecca))))))))

    What you are saying makes you seem so helpless and your situation hopeless. I feel deeply disturbed reading.



  241.  #241Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Rebecca: Do you use fm’s very often with him?



  242.  #242Senara on September 5, 2012 at 10:28 am

    I would say: “Yes, thank you for noticing, I feel mysterious!” accompanied by a big huge smile!

    🙂



  243.  #243Starla on September 5, 2012 at 10:29 am

    (((((((Rebecca)))))))))
    sorry this guy is stressin you out, girl! i hate when i feel that way with men.

    (((((((((((((((rebecca)))))))))))



  244.  #244Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Also, it seems like some affirmations might be helpful.

    I am in control of my destiny
    I am in control of my mind
    I am in control of my thoughts
    I am in control of my vibration
    I am free and safe
    My intuition guides me

    These are the kinds of things I say to myself.



  245.  #245Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Rebecca “get comfortable with the silence”. It is starting to feel slimy to be honest.



  246.  #246Tam on September 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

    238 Miss Stix, hehe….it only worked with the Latino man so well..the others are not quite so forthcoming with sharing their feelings..and one is particularly resistant 😉
    but then, it is supposed to be us sharing our feelings anyway, so that’s all good 😉
    The facilitator sounds kind of funny..a bit masculine?
    ‘facilitatorette?!’ 🙂



  247.  #247Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

    LG

    Nooooo! He’d be all over me.
    He doesn’t need anymore encouragement….

    Whatever I say he repeats back to me. Its like a mind fu(k….

    He’d see it as me coming onto him if I used feeling msgs. No, I just kerp everything formal, light abd fluffy. I don’t want that sort of deep relationship with him.



  248.  #248Senara on September 5, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Rebecca 239

    This, too me, is just assuming what he thinks. He seems very special and I see him as having the most unusual, expressive face. I understand he might be hard to read but you cannot let him get you all worked up like that – does he have that much power on you, now?

    Also, it’s clear that you have to state your boundaries here. This is making you feel sad and confused…not good. 🙁



  249.  #249Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Belle,

    I have been pondering what you suggested and the conflicting feelings I am struggling with is : Feeling turned off, disgusted, fed-up and angry that he would hurt me and treat me like less VS feeling needy, pleading, crying, trying, convincing, being pushed out, keeping my baby dream (1 month old) close to my heart.



  250.  #250Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Thank you everyone.

    I actually didn’t realise how much it was deeply bothering me until I started ti think about it on a deeper level…



  251.  #251Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 10:35 am

    I was kind of seeing it in a different way, Rebecca. The fm’s could be used to communicate your need for space, or your discomfort, in a way that would be less likely to cause confrontation.

    Fm’s aren’t only for drawing men in, they are also used in non-violent communication.

    how do you feel about that?



  252.  #252Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Belle, thank you 🙂

    When I woke up I felt like running away and angry and turned off. This is clarity to me. I wouldn’t accept anymore the dating sites at this point and after a promise ring. I feel turned off. My intuition is very strong that he will want to come back.



  253.  #253Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Belle and Forest Siren:

    I’m really enjoying this artist, Kaminanda, who did the Shimshai remix. He also does a Fat Freddy’s Drop that is mind-blowing.

    http://soundcloud.com/search?q%5Bfulltext%5D=kaminanda

    #2 under remixes

    Also, Fat Freddy’s Drop in general is one of my favorite bands ever. Are y’all familiar with them?



  254.  #254Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Senara

    I’ve been in these situatiins before where I have been in a friendship with a bloke and then one night he has jumped on me. When I’ve rejected him he tells me he doesn’t believe me, think I’m giving him signals etc, and I’m single so they think they can try it on with me.

    I get the impression with this guy that his pride his dented and he’s trying to prove his masculinity by chasing me.

    Then when I don’t give in to him he will laufh about it to his mates abd say that it’sme who has a problem. He’ll say ‘Yeah, she rejected me too lads. She must have some intimacy issues’.



  255.  #255MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

    I had a strange night indeed last night…

    I felt powerful all day after standing up to G yesterday. I spent the evening doing yardwork with my mom, and then we went for chinese. My fortune cookie said “A change of heart may have a great impact on your current living situation” (or something like that) I kept it in my wallet.

    Then I got home and went online. Changed my profile pic to my fave of me. I felt alive when it was taken, and I see myself as glowing in it.

    Then my ex-husband texted me….

    “I am in the Molson box watching linkin park and I couldn’t help but think of you! How’s sh1t?”

    I said

    “aww you’re such a sweetheart for rubbing that in :)”

    and

    “sh1ts decent!”

    Then he CALLED me! Which he does not do. He was hilariously drunk. He said they opened with what he considers “R____’s song”. He said he thinks of me whenever he hears it. He extended an open invitation to the next event. He gets tix through work. He is the head bartender at a bar his friend owns. He had a huge hand in the creation and opening. He may be a partial owner but I actually have no idea.

    He said he wants to see me. He said he wants to treat me to dinner and drinks at his bar tomorrow. I said yes, but i’m having serious doubts now.

    I fee strange. I feel nervous tension in my belly. I think of G and how he would feel about this. I have had drinks with ex-husband before, and never felt this way. It feels like more. I feel in tune with him once again, and I feel very masculine energy from him. Very leaning forward. He has never “treated” me to anything. I was always the one with money and status. I feel SO happy for him. But I don’t want him to lean forward onto ME.

    I feel very very confused and even a little helpless. Certainly not powerful like yesterday. 🙁

    Any takes on this are so appreciated!



  256.  #256Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 10:42 am

    (((Siren Angel)))

    I believe he will come back too. It’s great that you are using this time to evaluate what you want/need in the relationship.



  257.  #257MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 10:43 am

    lol tam

    I thought it sounded masculine but i’m just being a goof :p It just popped into my brain.



  258.  #258Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 10:44 am

    LG

    If I say ‘I feel like I want some space.’
    He’ll say ‘Oh no! Have I upset you? Is it something I’ve done? Are you okay? You can talk to me if you like? Shall I come round for a chat?



  259.  #259Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Sirens, I am in between meetings downtown and blogging from my phone, so I apologize for not responding right away. However, I want to say that I feel very clearly that Part of me does not even want him anymore. However, there are mixed feelings here but I can feel part of me willingly letting him go, even running away from him.
    I know I still love him though, so this is a big struggle inside.

    Thank you Dominique, Belle, Iamabutterfly, LG for helping me see this.



  260.  #260Starla on September 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Rebecca:
    “i feel a little awful because I’m not used to guys who [insert what he’s doing here], and it’s making me feel kind of closed off and stand-offish towards you, and of course i don’t wanna be like that with you”



  261.  #261Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

    What if you responded with something like.

    “Oh no, I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed and it would feel good to take some time and get clear with myself.”

    and just gradually move away from him, maybe answer his calls less, give him less information (like FW) mentioned.

    He might put up a bit of a fight but that’s nothing that you can’t handle. We can support you here with what to say to him. Are you afraid that he is dangerous?



  262.  #262Senara on September 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Rebecca 254

    “Then when I don’t give in to him he will laufh about it to his mates abd say that it’sme who has a problem. He’ll say ‘Yeah, she rejected me too lads. She must have some intimacy issues’.”

    I would tell you to let that go since YOU know you don’t have these issues, right? 🙂



  263.  #263Tam on September 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Miss Stix…not sure, but I think I might go to see ex-husband and treat him just like a CD….would that be wrong?
    Not sure.
    I have certainly CD’d ex-boyfriends…but there was no attraction anymore from my side, just a way to pass a nice evening.
    However, if you already feel weird just thinking about it then maybe not…
    It could be good practice?
    Do you need/want to tell G who you are meeting with?

    Just some thoughts…
    😉



  264.  #264Tam on September 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I realise that I am actually making myself feel anxious and winding myself up over going to florida in 3 weeks time.
    I need to find a way of not having any expectations and just be skipping along in my life without worrying too much about what will happen.
    Haven’t cracked it yet…don’t want to work myself to a crescendo on the day I leave…and it will be most likely for nothing anyway.
    🙁



  265.  #265Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:05 am

    LG

    He would say something like ‘Why do you feel over whelmed??? Let me know if there is something I can do? I really care about you. I don’t want ti see you unhappy? It’s good to talk – your much better to let these feelings out rather than keep them stuck in. R u feeling down? Is it about your job? Is about G? (other neighbour who I did like). When I feel like that I always find its best to talk to someone. I’ve been depressed before. I find I like to go for a walk – get out in the fresh air. We could go for a walk if you like? Do you fancy just hoing to get a coffee or something? I’ve got some work to do at the moment but I’ll be free in half an hour or so? Do you want me to get anything for you? Have you been to the shops? I could get some food in if you need anything. Would you like me to do that? Actually, no you probably don’t need me to do you? You’ve probably got food in? But if you haven’t I don’t mind. All I’m saying is I’m here to help. Its horrinle when you feel down. It can be really depressing. Did I tell you I’ve suffered from depression. It’s horrible. Anyway, if you want me to come round just let me know. Like I say I’ve got a bit if work todo but I’llbe free later on today. Wellyou can pop over to meif you want. Do you want to do that?



  266.  #266Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Aww, Rebecca. I feel confused. He actually sounds pretty sweet to me. Are you just not attracted to him?

    Is it possible that your man-picking radar is skewed right now? Do you tend to go for guys that treat you bad?

    What would happen if you surrender to him wanting to take care of you?

    Sorry if these questions are totally off-base.



  267.  #267Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Just booked a drink with a girlfriend. Will try to CD men I suppose. I feel a little scared.



  268.  #268Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

    I’m just thinking of how Rori talks about sometimes we won’t feel attracted to the good guys but we are used to love feeling bad, or we think yearning is love.



  269.  #269Starla on September 5, 2012 at 11:16 am

    sometimes guys who present themselves as good guys to that extreme are just control freaks or have such low self esteem that they can’t actually be trusted to ever be authentic with you.

    it’s true

    it happens



  270.  #270MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Thanks Tam

    Your thoughts are pretty much my thoughts…

    I would tell G who I was meeting…Definitely. I already know he would not like it. He would have no say in it but i’m certain he wouldn’t like it very much.

    It makes no difference in my every day writing so I haven’t mentioned it but our divorce is not final currently. We are legally separated, and have an agreement, and the papers are all signed and good to go. We don’t have to go before a judge here for un-contested divorce so it’s really a matter of getting the money together and going to the courthouse to file…

    I don’t know if CDing my ex-husband would be productive…Really something to think about.

    It would shake G up pretty hard. I don’t think I want to do that.

    It WOULD feel good to have ex treat me to dinner.

    I think of all the times I felt dropped by him too. Then the urge to cancel is fierce!



  271.  #271Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

    LG

    I know you mean well, but why would I be feeling so angry and agitated by this man if I wanted a relationship with him?

    Is that not coming through on my posts?

    Ewwww it’s kinda making me feel sick.

    I find this man repulsive in that respect. He is a friend that’s all…

    Ewwww I feel freaked out by the question. Like because he is nice and sweet and a bloke then I should go out with him.

    What about what I want? Is that not important?

    Ewwww



  272.  #272Starla on September 5, 2012 at 11:18 am

    like they act like they care sooo much about you, but in the end it’s really about them, making them feel like they’re in control and winning you over.

    it can make you feel invisible and awful. it’s not healthy.



  273.  #273Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:20 am

    269: Starla says:

    Thank you so much!! This is what I feel too.

    In fact in that last condo I describe how he has totally ignored my need for space… It’s like he’s not listened to me at all…

    Ewww… I feel freaked out…

    Like people think that maybe I should feel ‘grateful’ to this bloke and just go out with him because he’s nice and sweet.

    I feel so triggered… this is my worst fear..



  274.  #274Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:23 am

    268: Laughing Goddess says:

    I know you mean well, but this freaks me out. I KNOW who I am attracted to.

    272: Starla says:

    Thank you so much, that is making me feel so much better. It’s nice to feel understood.

    Also, nice you are back! How are you?

    Anyway, I’m feeling triggered so I’m gonna get off the blog for a bit.



  275.  #275Starla on September 5, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Rebecca, i don’t know if it’s like this for you, but i often went between two extremes of attracting men who wouldn’t give me the time of day or any consideration like a decent human being and men who are super in my face clingy and needy (and played it off like it was all about making ME happy, when the second I said what would make me happy is if they’d back off a bit, they’d become very needy and sometimes angry, or just IGNORE my wish all together, like I speak chinese or something).

    Things have finally started leveling out, and I think I will attract the perfect level of attention and care when I work a bit more on feeling truly worthy of asking for help when I need it (big trigger for me)



  276.  #276Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Oh Rebecca, I didn’t mean for those questions to make you feel bad. I recognized that I could be totally off-base.

    I just know that in the past I felt turned off by men who wanted to treat me well, and I felt amazing when I opened myself up to a different kind of man.

    If that’s not the case here, then so be it.

    I’m feeling a little triggered now too. Awww, love to me.



  277.  #277Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:25 am

    268: Laughing Goddess says:

    I know you mean well, but this freaks me out. I KNOW who I am attracted to.

    AND it’s NOT some creepy man, hanging around hoping I will go out with him.

    Lol, I feel bad writing that because I don’t want to describe anyone as creepy – but that is how I feel.

    He is not reading me at all. He is just pretending too for his own benefit, personal needs.

    I’m not judging him. He’s entitled to his feelings. I just don’t reciprocate.



  278.  #278Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:27 am

    LG

    I know you mean well, and you have my best interest at heart. Hugs to you. I didn’t mean to come across as angry. I’m sorry…

    ((((LG)))))



  279.  #279Tam on September 5, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Miss Stix, sounds like you want to cancel…and it sounds like going could undermine your present relationship. Knowing what I know now I’d probably not go either….



  280.  #280Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Thanks for explaining those extreme, needy guys, Starla. I don’t remember ever encountering a man like that but I can see where it would be frustrating to deal with.



  281.  #281Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Thanks Rebecca.



  282.  #282Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:31 am

    275: Starla says:

    It’s like you are describing me…

    But it’s weird I noticed something in your dialogue with one of your CD’s and I was going to mention it. But I can’t quite remember what it was, and I guess it might relate to me too…

    I think it was the CD who made fun of you not remembering what you had just learnt in your Japanese class. And I felt myself wanting to yell at you

    ‘Beware of this bloke!!!’ I don’t know why but it made me go Ewwwww…..



  283.  #283Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:33 am

    LG

    I truly am sorry. I just think that I feel so riled today by this bloke that if anyone says anything nice about him I will go into attack mode.



  284.  #284MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Tam

    Yes! That IS what i’m feeling. In truth I don’t want to go. I am gonna cancel, but I won’t throw away this opportunity to practice, so I will cancel 100% with a FM script.



  285.  #285Starla on September 5, 2012 at 11:37 am

    rebecca 282 – i’m still in touch with that guy, CDing him regularly. he has yet to do it again so i haven’t been able to say “ack i feel so small when i hear things like that”

    but i’m prepared for if it happens again:)



  286.  #286Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Thanks Rebecca. That did feel hard to hear but thanks for clarifying where you are at. I do understand.

    (((Rebecca)))



  287.  #287Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Miss Stix could it be your loyalty/guilty voices talking to you?



  288.  #288MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

    This is how I worked it out in my head…

    Why do I want to go:

    It would feel special to be treated by someone I once so desperately wanted to treat me.

    I would feel powerful and beautiful to show my new self off.

    I would like to see the bar.

    Why I don’t want to go:

    I feel strange about it.

    It feels like he is still not over me.

    I am over him and don’t want him to be attracted to me.

    I don’t want to deal with him flirting with me. I have the ABILITY to handle it right, but I don’t want to.

    I don’t want to shake up my current relationship.

    And the straw that broke the camels back:

    I just want to lay on the couch with G tonite and snuggle and watch a movie.

    I want peace, stability, and calm. Going on what really feels like a date with ex will not bring me any of that.



  289.  #289ruth on September 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Rebecca
    You could just tell him the truth
    “Im not depressed.id just not rather spend any time with you right now.Please stop pressurising me as its making me feel uncomfortable and angry.I will let you know when/if i want to see you ok? just leave me alone for now”

    Sometimes you really do have to be blunt with some guys

    To be honest, i dont even get why you consider this guy a friend?? You dont seem to like him very much??
    if your other friends think that he is so super nice then maybe they can hang out with him.

    I am well aware that the above sounds harsh and mean, but you sound so trapped and panicked that maybe you do need to be harsh and stop this situation



  290.  #290Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:43 am

    285: Starla says:

    Wonder why he feels the need to crush you?



  291.  #291Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

    289: ruth says:

    Hi Ruth, I would love to say that to him but I fear I would get another monologue from him that would go on and on endlessly.

    I’m not too happy being friends with him as he does go on and on and on and doesn’t give me space.

    You are right. I love your approach. I love it when people tell it like it is…

    thank you!



  292.  #292Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Ruth – I’d take out the pressuring line. It smacks of accusations. Then again it might do the push away trick



  293.  #293Annie on September 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Rebbecca “I find this man repulsive in that respect. He is a friend that’s all…”

    He sounds like he is getting on your nerves.
    Do you want a friendship with him?
    He triggers you and it’s all about funding out what you do and don’t want honey.

    And learning to disengaging if after speaking your truth in feeling messages he carries on doing stuff you don’t like or don’t want.



  294.  #294MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

    FW

    Definitely they are a small part of it. I don’t want to deal that out to G.

    The most major part is…I know, very deeply that ex has never moved on from me fully. Wait…Not entirely true. He DID but he turned back around at a very specific point. When he tried to have sex with me. (he even brought that night up in our convo-I took him to see Disturbed/avenge sevenfold he extended an open invite to reciprocate) Since that night I have known he would come back to me if I so much as pointed at my feet. But that is not what I want. I don’t want him back. I don’t want him to attempt to win me back. He’s in a position now where he feels stronger and more in control because of his job. His vibe was strong. He was asking me on a date. That’s the real essence of why I don’t want to go.



  295.  #295Annie on September 5, 2012 at 11:49 am

    I agree with Ruth,



  296.  #296Dominique on September 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Rebecca – 247 – Feeling messages are not just for deeper relationships. You can say you feel uncomfortable hearing something he says or weird. For example.

    xxoo



  297.  #297Starla on September 5, 2012 at 11:52 am

    290 rebecca
    i’m not sure he feels the need to crush me. it just might have been some one-time thing. especially because earlier in the day i had made a big deal about feeling like he does not think i’m smart, and i could tell it was stressing him cuz he doesn’t want to push me away, so it might have slipped out awkwardly… i do that sometimes too — like, you don’t want to say the wrong thing, so you say the worst thing possible somehow.



  298.  #298Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:54 am

    297: Starla says:

    Yeah, you maybe right. That’s a good way of looking at it.



  299.  #299Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Dominique

    Every time I open my mouth, whether it’s a feeling message or not I get a monologue from him and he completely ignores, or misunderstands what I am trying to say.



  300.  #300Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 11:56 am

    “like, you don’t want to say the wrong thing, so you say the worst thing possible somehow.”

    haha! I can relate.



  301.  #301Starla on September 5, 2012 at 11:57 am

    i just really stopped worrying about it. he’s just a cd.



  302.  #302Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Starla, my ex-boyfriend was like that, and now we just laugh about it because he was so damn nervous and thought he was going to loose me all the time that these things just slipped out. He really meant the opposite…



  303.  #303Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Rebecca I just opened an email about tapping on emotions related to that one annoying person. Part of it says Even though this person is driving me crazy I choose to release all these feelings



  304.  #304ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    FW /Rebecca

    Push away is *exactly* what I had in mind
    I am getting the very strong impressionthat Rebecca doesnt want this guy around at all
    If thats not the case then of course my wording would be too strong

    I am assuming, BTW that this guy is a different one to the depressed friend you mentioned a day or two ago

    Friendships should be fun things and one should feel comfortable around friends, no??

    I have one friend who dos have very poor social skills and when we met up to go out I have to do all the planning-he really cant cope with it at all.
    but I *like* spending time with him and talking running.
    The having to organise etc does annoy me a bit, but I enjoy this friends company enough to outweigh that.
    No-one is all perfect.If it didnt, then I wouldnt see the friend and he wouldnt be a friend.he would be a nodding acquaintance.

    Re clincly over the top men, hm, you have reminded me of some awful guys i came across when i was in my twenties.I didnt like saying “no” then and boy did it get me into some sticky situations.
    Someguys really *cannot* pick up on non verbal cues and have to be forcibly pushed away or they end up being stalkerish

    Ugh

    that felt horrible justthen

    I attracted a few of that type in my twenties
    Wonder why



  305.  #305Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Rebecca: Hmm, I love seeing all the varied options and approaches from the sirens. I love that we all have unique and individual voices.

    Seems like none of them feel right to you.

    Do you have any idea what would work to get through to him?

    Silly question, I know, because if you did, then you probably would have done it already…but I do believe that we always have the answers inside of us somewhere.



  306.  #306Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Hmmmm, I’ve not really encountered these kind of clingy men. I think it’s because I was too busy chasing guys who didn’t want me to even give them the time of day.

    Awwww, love to my younger, boy chasing self.



  307.  #307ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Aw, Miss Stix

    The ex wanting to treat you should make you feel so, so Sireny
    🙂

    Nice to have choices but you know which one you are choosing, i feel sure



  308.  #308Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Ruth that sounds so much like needing to set boundaries. That way there would be no need to read cues, take hints or read minds. One has to be able to say no. What do you think?



  309.  #309Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    MissStix,
    It sounds like it’s making you feel uncomfortable to go out with your ex-husband…
    So why do it? Unless there is a learning experience here. I am feeling curious to know if he is intrigued by your new Siren vibe.



  310.  #310Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Feeling down. Second guessing all of my posts.

    Time to love myself up and change the channel.

    Love to me, love to me, love to me



  311.  #311Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    LG

    I think he’s just too nervous around me. I think he it is possibly just his pride that is dented really.



  312.  #312Dominique on September 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Rebecca – 299 – yes I see now that I’ve read all the way through. how about trying a blunt feeling message.

    “I don’t want to talk with you right now.”
    or
    “I’m feeling smothered.”

    And walk away. If he follows, “I don’t want to be followed.”

    xxoo



  313.  #313Smile on September 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Hi sirens! Hope your feeling well today!

    How was your holiday Starla?



  314.  #314Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    304: ruth says:

    Ruth, I love your advice and not harsh at all! I love your directness… it works for me!



  315.  #315Dominique on September 5, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Laughing Goddess – Hugs sweetheart. Did you see my thank you to you? It may be on the last thread.

    xxoo



  316.  #316Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    312: Dominique says:

    Dominique, I really don’t think he would ‘get’ it and my worry is it would upset him and he would feel that he had done something wrong. I don’t want to make him wrong. Maybe that’s wrong of me? Oh I’m confused now.



  317.  #317Tam on September 5, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Hi Smile 🙂



  318.  #318ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Laughing Goddess
    Meeting this type of man happened regularly to me over a two year period when I was about 23

    I think it must have been something i was doing
    It sounds lovely to have , after one date, a guy buy you roses and champagne .
    But it was seriosuly creepy at the time
    The would not accept *no* for asecond date
    Pleading, *just a coffee*
    “i only want to be friends” (this after saying they loved you on the fist date)

    Then doing stuff like sending letters, hanging around outside where you work——

    In the end the only thing that worked to make them go away was to be appalligly rude and nasty.Thats isnt the way i work and so the first couple of times this happened to me I couldnt get rid
    these were *not* normal guys at all. They had no boundaries .No off switch.Scary.I attracted more than one.
    Now I feel icky
    🙁



  319.  #319Smile on September 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    FW

    Thank you for your help regarding the kiss. I read it just in the nick of time before he came round after work.

    Well…! I took your advice and did what I felt in the moment….

    We kissed!!!! It felt familiar, passionate, right, intense, connecting!!!

    I enjoyed the kiss for it being what it was… A kiss. No promise for more.

    I’m not pining and fast forwarding into the future about what it means!

    HUGE HUGE progress!

    I feel like I just got my exam results!

    I feel like celebrating how far I’ve come in my siren ways! I’m not close to graduating yet but I don’t feel failure one little bit!



  320.  #320Starla on September 5, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    my holiday felt magical, thank you! i have a family now! amazing hehe



  321.  #321Smile on September 5, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Hi tam!!

    I feel so excited! Not because we kissed but how I felt handling everything! Yey me!

    Just got a few bits to do then I’ll fill you in xxx



  322.  #322ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Sorry Sirens
    I feel bad polluting the blog with such nasty stuff



  323.  #323Smile on September 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Starla! That feels so great to read about your family!

    ((Starla and her family coming together))



  324.  #324ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Nice stuff to read from Smile and Starla



  325.  #325Tam on September 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Oh Smile, I am dying to know!!! What happened?????



  326.  #326Smile on September 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Hi Ruth, you are entitled to your feelings. Not had chance to catch up on blog, it moves far too fast when I’m working so I miss a lot. Hope your okay x



  327.  #327Rebecca on September 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Ahhh Ruth don’t feel sorry, I don’t feel you are polluting the blog. I think I relate to your story and it’s help me feel not so alone.



  328.  #328ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    308
    FW

    yes yes YES! to that
    My boundaries were vague at best when i was younger and iften overruled by what others thought, which seemed more important than my needs



  329.  #329Tam on September 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Ah Smile, I read back now…wow, I am really impressed, you did so well!!
    Not sure I could!!



  330.  #330Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Yayy Smile. Thanks to Daria



  331.  #331ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Rebecca
    maybe you shold make this totally about you
    What do “you” want?
    Do you want to have this guy as friend?
    Do you need to feel comfortable around him as you are neighbours and share the same friends?

    Do you just wish he would disappear?

    Dont worry about him(it isnt your job), what do *you* want?



  332.  #332Tam on September 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Ruth, I like your advice 🙂



  333.  #333Smile on September 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    330 Thanks Daria!

    I nearly pushed a yummy feeling kiss away!



  334.  #334ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    I am a whisker away from feeling triggered
    FFS, it was ove r20 years ago and this does NOT happen to me now!

    Though my dear mama does always say i attracted “lame ducks”

    When i was seven, there was a very naughty boy(was in a childrens home) in my school class
    Anyway, he had been naughty again
    teacher sat him on his own and said to all of us

    “well, he is a horrible little boy.No-one wants to sit next to him do they”

    I got right on up, and said “no, thats not fair.I will sit next to him” And i did
    (I invited him home to my house for tea and he trashed the place and when older ended up in prison , but thats not the point)



  335.  #335Tam on September 5, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Aw Ruth, nice story about the boy – like you say, not the point that he turned ‘bad’ – the point was that you showed compassion.
    Seems like you were wiser than the teacher…



  336.  #336Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Thanks Dominique! My heart feels warm and squishy.



  337.  #337Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Sirens, I am feeling excited to be having a drink with one of my good friends after work. She is a totally natural siren, always has swarms of men around her and plans almost every night. She is also a CC follower.



  338.  #338Laughing Goddess on September 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Ruth, I don’t see it as pollution at all. I feel moved that we can learn from your story.

    Maybe just love up all those icky feelings you are feeling.



  339.  #339Smile on September 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Okay…

    As soon as he arrived we just beamed and giggled at each other 

    Then there was lots of catch up and general chat. I was in the middle of preparing my tea so this kept my fingers occupied and it felt relaxed and easy to talk. He did bits round the house like changed the lightbulbs!!! He knew they had been sitting there for months. I guess he felt manly doing this?

    When we were discussing the house and logistics I totally let go of control! This was the part that felt relief for me as I would have in the past been quite bossy… Yikes!

    He said he had turned a corner and felt lifted out of his depression! Amazing opening up on his part. I told him it made me feel happy to hear that.

    He told me it was thanks to me. He had heard me mention the law of attraction before and so had been checking it out himself! Another WOW!

    I totally leaned back and opened up in my posture. I felt very conscious and aware of doing this. He hugged me, and slowly got closer. It felt so right and comforting, his smell made me feel crazy. He moved my body where he wanted me and said ‘aw’ we so still fit’ he slowly kept moving his head close to mine, I could feel his breath on me. I didn’t move my head. I could feel him being sensitive to if he should kiss me. I didn’t pull away.

    We kissed passionately but he didn’t push for anymore. Then he whizzed me up over his shoulder and spun me round the room. Brought me back down slowly and told me he had been working out.

    He said he would like to talk about what happened. He also asked if we could start emailing each other again. We were pen friends when we were teenagers, this is how we met from holidays.

    I struggled here and felt a bit stumbly but managed to tell him I still had feelings for him and that I wasn’t looking for friendship. I also didn’t want bits and bobs of a relationship. He said I know you want a family and deserve a full relationship. He said did I want him to go away forever. I told him it would be good to email and just be in thd moment. I wished I had told him here that I was open to seeing other guys but missed my chance.

    He is going to email me and arrange a time to get the bed. His car was too full to take it tonight. He asked if we could do it at a weekend then we could get a takeaway too. I said that would feel great!

    I feel great! But the best nit… I genuinely fefl no expectation.

    So this is what it feels like to be in the moment!



  340.  #340Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Although a big commitment phobic.



  341.  #341MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Siren Angel

    Yes, very un-comfortable. I am going to cancel, and that feels good. Maybe I will go down to see the bar on my own terms next week.It’s really not that I don’t want to see him…I don’t want to date him.

    I hand it all to Rori on a silver platter! This is a Siren vibe thing all the way! 100% believe that.



  342.  #342Tam on September 5, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Wow, Smile, that’s quite inspiring… I wonder how it will unfold! 😉



  343.  #343ruth on September 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    339 Smile

    ooooooooooooh I feel nice and tingly reading that

    Yum!



  344.  #344MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    It has been 2 years and 5 months bow since we separated…He has not stopped initiating contact with me to this day. Well…Yesterday haha 🙂 I must be alluring and intrigueing. mmmm Sirens! We’re superb in our feminine glory.

    I am choosing to revel in this attention even if it is un-wanted.

    I will love this up because it means I am that much closer to irresistible! 🙂



  345.  #345ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Thanks for the kind words about my dwelling on the past

    I hadnt thought about this stuff in years, thought it was dealt with really

    I feel curious



  346.  #346Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    He he! I love being able to share this with you sirens. I feel on top of the world! But not because of a man making me feel like this, it’s me that’s genuinely happy.

    I don’t feel piney at all!

    He was in such a bad place. Dominique you have been such an inspiration to help him heal through my heart not by me trying to fix him.



  347.  #347Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Tam, who knows… The universe will decide! I’m in the moment well and truly!



  348.  #348Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Miss stix, has your ex shown up? I’m behind on the blog. Did you see my post from Rori about messages from old flames?



  349.  #349ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    It feels soooooooooo good to read of Sirens having breakthroughs like this!!!!!!!

    Smile, you live up to your name tonight
    🙂
    🙂
    🙂



  350.  #350Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    I’m sat looking at an oil painting I had commissioned a few years ago with some money my auntie left me.

    It’s of two dandelion seeds scratched through gold to reveal pinks and reds underneath. I’m attaching so much meaning to it now. There are lots of dandelion seeds floating round but some still stay attached.

    Reminds me of the people who come in and out of our lives. Those who just float and this who stay firmly attached at our core.



  351.  #351Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Thanks Ruth.

    Smile is feeling smily right now!

    



  352.  #352ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I am feeling smily too smile

    thank you
    🙂



  353.  #353Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Aw Smile, you radiate happiness…so nice to read!



  354.  #354Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Tam if we lived close I’d say hey let’s go out and grab a drink and celebrate being a siren!

    Here’s to making ‘ourselves’ happy 



  355.  #355Daria on September 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    im healing!



  356.  #356Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I love Rori’s picture!

    I only live an hour away from the lakes and all it’s beautiful countryside.

    Rori you have inspired me. I may go next weekend.

    I want to feel fresh air
    I want to feel the awe and wonder of the rolling hills

    I know a nice walk up near windermere



  357.  #357ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    You go girl
    🙂



  358.  #358Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Daria 355

    That feels simple and satisfying to read.

    Daria FW passed on some of your words of wisdom which has led to me feeling elated tonight.

    Thank you. I’m loving being me 



  359.  #359Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    I want to stand at the top of the mountain and shout at the top of my lungs…. IM ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!!



  360.  #360ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Smile, i guess you could do that in the lakes
    🙂
    Im off to Langdale in a couple of weeks to do the gorgeous marathon there and i cannot WAIT

    I feel so excited about it



  361.  #361Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    From the eNewsLetter

    Tool: Be His Heartbeat
    Let’s start with this Tool – Be His Heartbeat – and we’ll start by being YOUR heartbeat!

    1. Start with where you might be right now where you feel like you’re giving your heart to a man who you’re not quite sure deserves it. Imagine he’s standing right in front of you, about 5 feet away…

    2. Imagine that your heart is jumping out of your body and holding onto him.

    Now…

    3. Put your hand on your heart.

    Let it jump around, but keep it, gently, inside your own body. Let it beat and thump, and let it WANT to go on over to the nearest man, but gently insist that it stay in your body and beat for YOU.

    4. When you feel like you’re hanging onto your heart…

    …like it’s going to stay inside your own body and beat for you, take the next step…

    5. Open your heart to him.

    Okay, this may feel scary. It’s supposed to.

    We’re all so used to DOING stuff and GIVING love – we’re not used to just keeping the love inside ourselves and just OPENING the door to our heart.

    Imagine the love in your heart that’s beating for YOU – imagine it RADIATING out of your heart. Imagine it STAYING inside YOU, but radiating it’s warmth out toward EVERYONE and EVERYTHING outside you.

    Now…

    6. Feel the beat of your heart.

    Really feel it. Let the beat of it move through you and thrill you. Now…

    7. Start moving.

    I want you to start swaying to the beat of your heart… while allowing it to stay open and radiating.

    Don’t take the next steps until you feel comfortable doing this, and it feels like FUN!

    Just remember – hanging onto your heart, and keeping it inside your own body so it can beat for YOU is not the same as closing off your heart. Or keeping up a front or wall between you and a man in order to protect yourself.

    It’s just the opposite. It’s about taking down all the walls, all the fronts, all the pretending, unzippering your heart, and, literally hanging onto your heart by keeping it in your OWN BODY!

    Just keep imagining that your heart is in your own body, that it’s open, and that everyone you meet is leaning toward you and radiating energy and love into your heart.

    8. Now, while you’re DANCING and moving to the beat of your heart, I want you to move forward a few steps, and then back a few steps.

    Feel how that feels.

    Keep imagining the man in front of you (the man you’re involved with, or a man you imagine would be a good partner for you) – and move toward him as you dance, and then move away from him.

    Notice how you feel when you dance toward him.

    It doesn’t feel “right” does it? It feels like chasing, and trying to “get” something.

    And what does dancing AWAY from him feel like? Does it feel powerful?

    Can you feel the power of what you’ve already accomplished – keeping your heart inside your body so it can beat for YOU, opening your heart, and yet controlling who gets to be near you by moving and dancing forwards and backwards?

    This is an amazing thing, actually.

    If you’re not feeling good about a man, instead of closing down your heart – you can simply dance BACKWARDS! You can dance, with an open heart – AWAY from him.

    Experiment with this right now, and then try it out in the world. You’ll feel so much relief and so much more power in yourself…

    9. Now try moving and dancing side to side.

    See how much room there is to move?

    You don’t have to move forward, toward a man – there are so many OTHER ways to dance!

    10. Here’s how to use this Tool when you’re out in the world, in the presence of a man – talking to him in the drugstore, or sitting across from him at dinner, or in bed with him:

    If you don’t like the energy that’s coming at you – you don’t have to put up a wall, just step backward or side-to-side.
    Put your hand on your heart. Feel how your heart is in your own body and under your own control. Let your heart sink into the warmth of your body and relax.
    When you feel your shoulders, your chest, your heart wanting to lean out, toward him, stop yourself.
    When you feel your hands and arms want to reach for him, stop yourself. When you feel your words wanting to ask him for something or reach out to him, stop yourself.
    Dance away from him, open your heart, open the palms of your hands outward to let in all the love he’s giving to you (imagine he’s giving to you even if you don’t think he is) and imagine your heart beating strongly and calmly in your own body.
    Imagine the warmth from your heart going all through your body. Imagine your breath going down to your pelvis and opening everything up. Imagine your heart staying inside your body, floating, giving off warmth to YOU.
    Keeping your insides, and your shoulders, and your belly and pelvis warm. Keeping you warm.
    And once you feel warmth, altogether inside yourself – once you’ve truly become your own Heartbeat – you will AUTOMATICALLY draw in every man around you, and you will automatically be HIS heartbeat.

    It sounds so simple, and it is.



  362.  #362Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    354, yep Smile that would feel great!!
    Although, even just reading your stuff tonight has made me feel so much better – I didn’t have the best day but now feeling very content.
    Thanks for sharing your happiness with us all 🙂
    Now I like to get to the point where you are…
    hmmm..



  363.  #363Tam on September 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    FW, I love that tool actually.



  364.  #364Starla on September 5, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    last night a guy from the dating site, whom i have yet to meet, was giving me a lot of grief on text and trying to call my phone, but i couldn’t answer because my battery had died. when i plugged it back in, he had totally freaked out and sent me a series of angry, insulting texts.

    and i felt so calm the whole time. i just used feeling messages and stayed really collected. it’s amazing how i didn’t get riled up in the slightest.

    and he just self destructed. he told me to lose his number and never speak to him again. and then he kept going and going about how he doesn’t even like anything about me anyway.

    reminded me of siren song’s guy a bit.

    i’m glad he showed himself for how he can be.

    and i’m glad i can see how far i’ve come:)



  365.  #365Smile on September 5, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Ah, I just texed my friends to arrange a camping trip in the lakedistrict in the next few weeks!

    Wouldn’t it be funny if I saw you in the lakes Ruth, I’d shout go ruth as you ran by! You would know it is me as I would be smiling as you ran past lol! I’d give you the biggest grin ever.

    And my friend would be who that and I’d say… One of the most loveliest sirens I know 😉 X



  366.  #366ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Seems like the Universe was looking out for you starla with the dead battery

    At least you dont have to meet this guy



  367.  #367ruth on September 5, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    aw smile, thank you

    well, if you cant get anywhere by car on Sept 22nd it will be cos we pesky marathon runners are clogging up the road
    🙂



  368.  #368Daria on September 5, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    ohhh it feels so pleasant and peaceful and loving and safe



  369.  #369Starla on September 5, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    also, a guy i dated for 6 months and then he went to argentina and then for a year after that, who dumped me right before I got with MyGuy last year…. we’ll call him A

    well A and I have been in contact on email (his doing), and he was telling me how miserable he is lately, which is sad cuz he used to be a happy guy, and I said that I would send him happy vibes and he can hit me up any time. I kinda just said that to get out of the conversation and go about my day. And he responded “I may take you up on that, but it took me a long long time to get over you so I’m not sure.”

    WHAT? he DUMPED me. and i tried to talk him out of it and tell him that’s not what i wanted.

    silly guys.

    now he’s acting like i dumped HIM or something.

    oh well. they ALWAYS come back. this one took 20 months to return.



  370.  #370Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Tam, it will happen when you least expect it 



  371.  #371Dominique on September 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Smile – I feel SO thrilled for you. YAY!!! you.

    xxoo



  372.  #372Starla on September 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    btw, i just responded “okay:)”
    he responded with a smiley face.

    i’m sure he’ll be in touch.



  373.  #373Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Smile I just finished reading your update. Really refreshing. Congrats. I jubilant like celebrating with you.



  374.  #374Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Thanks for the heads up Ruth!

    I feel admiration for your energy still. ANOTHER marathon! I’m trying to muster the energy and fitness for that 10k next May lol.

    I used to do a lot of sport. Mostly with my friend. It feels more fun to exercise with a friend. Anyway she got pregnant and we kind of stopped doing as much and changed to more gentle exercise. Ex of 2 years use to give me a hard time about not exercising as much. I only weigh 8stone so was not doing it to lose weight just keep fit. I kept all my frustration and anger inside over this.

    Now I would say…

    I don’t want to feel pressured into exercising. I want to work out when it feels good to me.

    That felt like it just flowed off my Tongue. There is a lot to be said for practising feeling messages. A lot of which I have never spoken out loud. There just all in my head.



  375.  #375Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Thanks dominique! X

    Thanks femininewoman! X

    Much love with a hop skip and a jump!



  376.  #376ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Ah Smile
    I weigh well over 9 stone and I weighed 12 for years and years
    But I *need* to exercise, so always have
    Since age 18, I have always done something at least three times a week, except for 200 when had 6 weeks off with slipped disc
    have run every day for 6.5 years now

    it is my life glue



  377.  #377Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Ruth, I use to run for sale harriers in my very young days. I’ve always been a runner before I went to uni. Running feels so much easier for me when you’ve built up stamina.

    It would require me to feel dedicated now to build it up so it felt easier.

    I’m thinking a little at a time. I hope once I’ve done the 10k I’ll keep it up and not let it slip.



  378.  #378ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Sake harriers???????

    Ooh, one of my best runinng friends runs for them! The club have such a social life these days, they go on trips to germany and training weekends in the lakes and all sorts
    If you are still in mank you should check out the free 5k parkruns every saturday

    well, they are all over the country (and the world ) now



  379.  #379MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    348 smile

    I’m getting behind too! The blog feels like a powerhouse right now! 🙂

    Yep my ex showed up in a big way last night! He told me he wants to see me and asked if he could have me for drinks and dinner at his bar tonite at 7.

    I have since cancelled. Actually, I postponed it. I took back the lead on purpose and said I would come by next week, and i’d be in touch to let him know when.

    I missed the post!! Do you have the post # for it? I’d love to read it…



  380.  #380ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Another runing friend who is just 60(and does not look it) also runs for sale
    She just got under 5 hours for the first time at the manchester marathon this year and won a trophy!

    her hubby won his age category too

    awesome
    (her time was within a few minutes of mine, it was a bit wet that day LOl)



  381.  #381Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    I’m extremely close! Might just check it out again! 



  382.  #382Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Hi miss stix, this post would be perfect for you. Its just over in the last thread so I’ll go fetch and re post for you



  383.  #383MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    FW

    I LOVE Be His Heartbeat!!!

    It is the tool I was paracticing the first time I felt like I might “get it”.

    I was paracticing it with G in my vision.



  384.  #384MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Omg misty happy reflective tears touch my eyes reading Be His Heartbeat again. I will practice this again today.



  385.  #385ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    You should Smile

    it is now a huge club and truly all inclusive

    My good friend does marathons in 3 hours, but has done them with me in my bigger daus and stayed with me for six plus hours

    also please do go and look up parkrun

    you have at least six of these in the manchester area
    they are free 5k runs every saturday at 9 am
    register once on line and you can run anywhere in the country
    You get an e mail of your result an laos a text if you sign up for that
    and a t shirt for doing 50, or 10 of them

    I love parkrun

    I would NEVER have done 5k(Im a distance girl, even tho slow)
    But parkrun is FAB

    kids run, people walk it, dogs do it, and awesome runners do it, yes, even Mo farah

    In mank

    well, ive done most
    Bramhall park
    Wythenshawe
    Heaton park
    Worsely
    marple
    platts Field
    Pennington flash

    MUST be one near to you!



  386.  #386MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Smile

    Thank you!!



  387.  #387ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    oops sorry Sirens
    I get a bit gushy and boring about running



  388.  #388Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Found it…

    756: Smile says:

    ***This “old flame” showing up is what nearly ALWAYS happens once you start shifting and Circular Dating.  And it’s nearly always about this same thing:

    The “lesson” the old flame had for you still needs to be gone through – one more time.

    You have these choices when it happens:

    1. Answer him, talk with him, meet him for coffee or a walk, practice using all of my Tools,  and see if you really have “shifted.”

    If you’ve shifted inside, you’ll notice different feelings going on in you – your attraction to him might have faded, you might feel sad instead of chemical, you may see him more clearly.

    You’ll NOTICE when he triggers you.

    You’ll be more aware.

    If these shifts haven’t taken place – you’ll just find yourself caught up in his “stuff” the way you did the first time.

    Either way – there’s always something to learn, even if what you learn is that you don’t want to “go there” again!

    2. Ignore him, let him be in your past.

    Work with the feelings that come up, hoist him up on the back of your “horse” in your imagination (that usually helps), and keep riding down the landscape of your life to your Happy Ever After.

    In the end, bottom line – HE IS IRRELEVANT!

    This is all about you, what you’re learning, how aware you’re becoming – and how this is all helping you to make choices in your life that serve you well and make you feel happy.

    Love, Rori

    Saturday, 1 September 2012 @ 2:23pm



  389.  #389Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I tend to believe that we all suffer some degree of PTSD since we have all been traumatized in some way at some point. The more sensitive may have a harder time with their healing, but not necessarily. If the intent is there, if you have the determination, and if you keep on your path no matter how painful it may feel sometimes, you CAN heal yourself of most anything.

    If your man has PTSD symptoms, your role here is to NOT take it personally, just as with any issue any other man may have.

    You would need to dig down even more deeply inside and take care of yourself whatever this looks like for you. He’s shown up in your life for a reason. A question to ask of yourself would be if there are aspects of PTSD in yourself which need addressing. As I said, most of carry some elements of it.

    You could also look at this in a completely different way – Is he familiar to you in some way? Are his habits, episodes of withdrawal and so on similar to experiences you’ve had in the past? With your parents? Family? Other relationships?

    Or maybe somewhere along the way did you decide that relationships are difficult, so you’ve chosen the “harder cases” in men, those who tend to be a “project” for you? Does this make you feel needed? Thus good?

    He may or may not be the right man for you.

    http://sexandheart.com/growing-pains-of-a-relationship



  390.  #390MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Starla 364

    Very nice! Fantastic example of how other peoples hang ups should not reflect back on us!

    You read as strong, and confident!



  391.  #391Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Ruth, I know all those places thank you! 5k park runs here I come!!!



  392.  #392ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Um
    Old flame from over 20 years ago did contact me last year
    I leant back massively(this pre Rori)
    and silence

    I think thats okay??



  393.  #393Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    FW what is PTSD?



  394.  #394ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Smile they are fab
    sign up on line. print off your barcode and have fun!

    Bl**dy Worsley has steps mind, oh and so does Burnage, forgot that one

    On my picture link in flickr i have a parkrun set if you want to se what they look like



  395.  #395Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Silence is fine Ruth

    2. Ignore him, let him be in your past.

    Work with the feelings that come up, hoist him up on the back of your “horse” in your imagination (that usually helps), and keep riding down the landscape of your life to your Happy Ever After.



  396.  #396ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Post traumatic stress disorder



  397.  #397Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Thank you Ruth, I feel so inspired now. Will let you know how I get on 🙂

    This girls going running again… Ye ha!



  398.  #398Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    396- oh yes.



  399.  #399Butterfly wings on September 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    176 Annie – I agree caution should be taken with separated men, but in the case of me and my ex, we were separated with no intention of ever getting back together for 2.5 years before we actually went ahead with it, so it’s not always black and white. He was VERY available – much more available than my single TH was!

    I really think it depends on the circumstances and the guy and I am thankful my ex’s girlfriend didn’t have your view, otherwise she would never have given him a chance. xxx 🙂



  400.  #400Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Im feeling relaxed and sleepy.

    Night sirens 



  401.  #401Chris on September 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Ok Goddesses,

    Easy question I hope- I’m reading Dominique’s book and I think Rori has wrote this as well-

    How do I “feel” the bad feelings without letting them take over and fall back into self defeating thoughts?

    I’m an extremely analytical person and I need explicit step by step instructions or else I will analyze this concept into the ground and not get anywhere.



  402.  #402ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    aaaaah,please do Smile

    Running is GREAT(ok, for me only *after* I have done it LOL)

    Blog has a good energy tonight

    Love it!
    Should really go to bed but dont want to

    *naughty kid and no momma to enforce the rules*



  403.  #403MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Smile

    Wow…Yes. Exactly what I needed to read! Thank you thank you!

    The strange thing is that he pops in all the time. This time, on the other hand, he “showed up”. I don’t think I realized there was a difference until now. He was projecting this energy even through the phone…like…Here I am ready to make something happen.

    In that moment I realized acute, intense panic feels like an energized sunburst in my chest! Lol This is good though. I need to feel these feelings.



  404.  #404ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    This is going to sound stupid but—–
    I am having an issue with the horse metaphor

    I can see it logically
    But
    I hate them and I am scared of them and I rode a fat pony once to get my parents off my bck and hated it
    One bit me once

    I could do with an alternative(a motorbike wont do i hate speed.I am a plodder really)
    help!



  405.  #405bloom-ing on September 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    ruth, maybe a parade float ? lol i feel nervous around horses too, though they are majestic : ))



  406.  #406ruth on September 5, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Thank you Blooming

    I think horses look fabulous but i would never get on one again



  407.  #407Smile on September 5, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Ruth- KEEP RUNNING!



  408.  #408Smile on September 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Miss stix  i feel glad it was useful to read. Follow your feelings.



  409.  #409ruth on September 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Anyway
    How are you petal?

    Was thinking of you today when FW mentioned her “black book” of tricks

    I imagine mine as a velvety purple one
    🙂



  410.  #410ruth on September 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    406 Smile
    Oh yeah

    Cant do anything else
    🙂



  411.  #411MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Ruth

    Hrmmm maybe a bicycle??

    All I can envision is towing around all these men in a little wagon behind the bike hehe I dunno if that’s such a good one :p



  412.  #412Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    He texted in midday asking me out for tomorrow. I accepted a few hours later, was in meetings whole afternoon. Is it going to be like a white elephant in the room? I don’t feel like answering any questions about my issues.. I guess will just thank him if he asks.



  413.  #413Daria on September 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    my heart warms me

    feels healing, deep and powerful

    im now that woman in my vison



  414.  #414Belle on September 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Ruth
    404

    Riding lawnmower? 😀



  415.  #415Belle on September 5, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Chris

    401

    My simplified version of The Sedona Method”

    Inhale – think “Welcoming the feelings”
    Exhale – think “Setting them free”
    Inhale – “Welcoming”
    Exhale – “setting them free”
    Inhale – “Welcome”
    Exhale – “Letting go”

    Rinse and repeat.



  416.  #416Belle on September 5, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    If anyone else is interested, The Sedona Method workshop recordings are on Spotify and Grooveshark, if you want some help allowing your feelings to be and to let them go.

    I did the whole course last year and I realize I may look like a mess to some of you but it took me 16 years to finally let go of an obsession with a guy I dated for a year in my 20’s, so this thing with C has been super-smooth in comparison, and being able to feel and I attribute a lot of it to continually practicing welcoming and releasing my feelings.



  417.  #417MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Belle

    In with the good, out with the bad. My mom taught me that when I was a little girl. 🙂



  418.  #418Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    SA,

    I don’t believe in dreams.. I think of them as sunconsious fears, not predictors of future. I know that many sirens will disagree with me, but I wouldn’t spend too much time on worrying about dreams.



  419.  #419Senara on September 5, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Wow, Belle, 16 years…



  420.  #420Senara on September 5, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    I just had a thought about dreams. How about the ones that we don’t remember? Do they have any impact on our life too even if we hold no memory of them?

    Hmmm, I wonder about the meaning of dreams now…



  421.  #421Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Thank you FW for your earlier comment to me. Yes, it does go back and forth. Or I don’t know how trust and commitment works for him but sometimes I experience him as kind of distant and sometimes suddenly close. Never mean or critical or sarcastic though.



  422.  #422Jenny on September 5, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    An update:

    So an update, my CDJ (who I meet yesterday (tuesday) have written a replay to an letter I wrote to him before the date.

    He had first written: “I’m looking forward to tomorrow, being able to sit on a couch and cuddle with you in front of a movie =) I’m letting you decide what movie we are going to watch =)

    So I answered with: “Me too,..hmm it feels hard to make a choose”

    So today he had written:
    “Yes, I think it was a good choice =)”

    And my nv is running wilde again: “He is just writting to be pollite, if he was intrested he would ask if we can do it again, and he didnt write hug”

    Any thoughts?



  423.  #423MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Jenny

    Probably he’s just using it as an excuse to say hi 🙂



  424.  #424Jenny on September 5, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    MissStix – didnt even see it like that. I guess my expectatin took the best of me.

    But it felt sp neutral and polite…or Now I let my diva talk:

    “Of course, is is so smitten by you, he feels very insecure, never forgett you are a siren, he aint used to it and you are after all 13 years older then him. Give him an appricitaction fm about something you liked..and I can promise he will light up like the sun”



  425.  #425MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    G just called me “wifey”.

    Ok Stuff…You can stop showing up now! 😛 One thing at a time universe!

    Letting this one slide…



  426.  #426MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Go Jenny!

    I love feminine confidence!



  427.  #427luzydel on September 5, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    So I am seeing my habit of giving men my cold shoulder, then say the blew me off…

    D was always offering to be there for me, asking if I needed anything, and I kept of pushing him away (that was last year) then he got cold and said he wasn’t ready, so i started Cding, but he kept contact the more apart I got, the more he contacted me to tell me he kept having dreams about me.

    Now I see him being more cautious… last thing he told me was I Like you, you are sweet, smart and a good person, but please do not say that you know what I am thinking or feeling about you, just because things are not going at your speed…

    Oh I want to Cd right now, but I have not met anyone, nada, sort of like a dry spell of CD. I want to keep being open to him, but then I feel the fear of attachment and I try to push him away again… One reason cding is good…



  428.  #428Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Yay MissStix!



  429.  #429Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Sirens!

    I just came back from evening out with a good female friend. She is so wise and Sireny! And she is just a new single too and in no rush to meet anyone, and sooo happy now.

    Something is happening to me and it’s good! I stopped for groceries, and men are opening the doors and smiling at me and another asked about my car… My vibe is shifting and I FEEL CALM.



  430.  #430Belle on September 5, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Senara

    419 & 420

    Yup. 16 years. I’m smiling thinking about it now…I feel so pleased with how well I’m doing these days. By human standards, it probably looks shabby but when I look into my soul and the continuum of life, the biggest smile spread across my face and I feel bliss and peace and satisfied.

    As for dreams…
    the way I just thought of it just now is, dreams are like the past. Even if we don’t remember it, it’s still a part of our life and still shapes our path, we still lived it. So from here it looks like yes 🙂



  431.  #431MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Hehehe I had a glass of wine and now i’m all warm and fuzzy. The man and I are teasing each other. Fun fun!

    He says: “ohhh i’m so tired i’m just gonna die now!”

    I say “NoooOooo I need you!”

    He says: “I dunno, I think you get by just fine without me…”

    I say: “*bubbling giggles* No! I do I swear it!”

    He says: “Yeah right lady…*exaggerated eyeroll*”

    Silent and smiling 🙂 I honestly could not say he was wrong haha

    He says “That’s what I thought”

    I just bust out in giggles and he poked me in the belly which made me squeal. Omgawd so much <3

    He's in the shower…I want so bad to wage war and invade! Nope. Leaning back.



  432.  #432MissStix on September 5, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    SA

    🙂

    I feel so ahhhhhh *contented sigh* to read that! SA will be ok.



  433.  #433Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Smile,

    OOOhhhh… I am feeling so thrilled for you! 🙂

    So did so well!



  434.  #434Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Smile,

    You did so well! 🙂



  435.  #435Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    I am a Goddess.
    I intend to lean back completely.
    I intend to receive love when M shows up.



  436.  #436Butterfly wings on September 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Siren Angel, I don’t think it will be too long at all before you’re in the space I’m in now. It feels amazing!!! 🙂



  437.  #437Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Memulo I know with your problems your vibe is down and your energy heavy so it will take some effort. Read Smile’s comment about her meetup when she just practiced letting go. Try it out with the problems tonite and tomorrow with the relationship. Just keep trying.



  438.  #438Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    BW,

    Oh! I am so happy for you and I am happy most of all on how great you are feeling it all! 🙂



  439.  #439Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Ooooo Siren Angel



  440.  #440Belle on September 5, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    I’m just tickled to pieces reading all this good news, feeling all bubbly and light and girly and sweet, thanks y’all 🙂



  441.  #441RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Siren Angel, I am practising receiving love from any good man who shows up. I can get tunnel vision and focus too much on one man. I am imagining lying on a beach, it’s crowded and beautiful sailors are landing on the beach and coming to me to show how they love me.



  442.  #442Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    RiverGirl,

    You are right!

    I intend to receive love from M and everywhere.



  443.  #443Belle on September 5, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Laughing goddess
    253

    Hadn’t heard of FFD til your post the other day, checking them out now.

    Ooooh…dub…yesss! Thank you!

    Also more chill mixes:

    Skoi Sirius
    http://soundcloud.com/skoisirius

    I especially love Prophecy of Headful Emotions

    Michael Manahan
    http://soundcloud.com/michael-manahan

    Random Rab
    http://soundcloud.com/random-rab



  444.  #444Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Chris drop your thoughts into your pelvis. What I do then is I imagine my vagina opening and I say I intend to allow all these thoughts to just float out of me. I imaine them like tangled balls of strings just floating out into the atmosphere. Then I imagine my body feeling light and relaxed



  445.  #445Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    RiverGirl,

    I love your beach visualization!



  446.  #446RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Ooooh!! One of the sailors just gave me a pearl!!!!



  447.  #447Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Thank you FW. Luckily I don’t have much time to focus on my problems tonight as I am still working lol. So much fir taking a side job. Though in the next week or so this should change. I am actually thinking that perhaps I should let him know in FMs that I want to feel cared about more. One of his other suggestions for me was to sell jewelry. How about that? I told him I don’t have jewelry for the amount I am missing. I always thought they want to give you jewelry, not to advise to sell it;)



  448.  #448Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    SA,

    I always imagine you as very beautiful and graceful, no wonder you started noticing men’s attention once you focus on reality and on you;)



  449.  #449Miss Bells on September 5, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    What value do men put on loyalty, and how can we be loyal and yet keep our options open? Or is loyalty only appropriate after the commitment is made? How would he know you are loyal if you aren’t being so with him? I ask because I am a “true-blue”kinda gal and I am not sure how this works…



  450.  #450Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Miss Bells I believe to start with being loyal to myself, my passions and my happiness. When he sees that it will inspire his respect and inspire him to be loyal to me too.



  451.  #451Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    Memulo can’t you see you are making him wrong at every turn?



  452.  #452Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    Memulo… Awww.. Thank you 🙂

    My friend told me too tonight. Her opinion is he doesn’t deserve me…. and is a being a fool not wanting to see how the kids manipulate all this (kids will always manipulate for their own benefit, and he’s let them go ‘overboard’ so to speak)… But I love him and I open my heart to him, leaning back 😉



  453.  #453Siren Angel on September 5, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Memulo,

    I agree with FW. Try to focus on receiving his advice as a gift to you, him trying to help you.



  454.  #454Femininewoman on September 5, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    A gift of love. Giving the best way he can at the moment.



  455.  #455Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Thank you FW and SA.

    I am trying to understand and maybe it is a cultural difference, but if you tell a man in your life that you are in double trouble, partially with your kid expenses and partially with being evicted from your place and he suggests for you to work more or to sell valuables that I don’t have or get a loan without even mentioning that he could give a loan on the amount that is not significant to him, you see it as a gift of love?



  456.  #456RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    Memulo, he might be feeling some expectation from you (even if you haven’t directly asked). Given that he is dealing with divorce proceedings, and all the demands and expectations that come with that, he may feel resistant to yet more demands. It might feel draining to him.



  457.  #457Vi on September 5, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    I feel unfulfilled … and numb about my passions … I feel blocked … I love my blocks (((((((blocks))))))) I love my passions …I feel drained to get back to what I used to love to do before I had jumped into commited relationships and dedicated myself to boyfrend – fixing … and later husband – fixing .. 🙂 mmm … YAY! I want to be my own project … deep sigh … thank you. Thank you for understanding that …
    I feel upset and afraid I kind of ‘forgot’ and ‘unlearned’ how to ‘maintain’ my passions .. mmm… Hi Passions! It’s been a while! I feel excited to hear from you! … I feel an urge to sink into beating myself up .. frustration … I’d better go to celebrating that I’ve finally found you and found myself wanting to do smth about it and find ways to get back to what feels good to me … yay! my passions are alive!! I feel happy you are alive! I hear you! I feel you! and I feel angry and sad I spent too much time in someone else’s shoes … NVs .. it’s okay though .. hehe … me-fixing .. Feeling curious… mmmm… ((((((((Passions))))))) sigh..

    It would feel good to feel open to my Passions again …. baby steps



  458.  #458Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    RiverGirl,

    Thank you, I understand. So should I live in the street or faint from over-working in order for him to feel safe?



  459.  #459Memulo on September 5, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    SA,

    Yes I think he needs to work hard to deserve you.



  460.  #460Turquoise on September 5, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I did hear from Mr. C. today, and it didn’t go that well. It felt really authentic though, and was good for me to face some things, I probably didn’t want to hear or think about.

    He started texting, seemed to be in a mood, but we chatted anyways. A lot of the conversation was him telling me I make him feel judged and that I want to change him. That he’s not putty, he’s steel… I felt really confused as I don’t believe I’ve been trying to change him. THen he told me I had to let go of any ideas I may have of us being a couple… and that made me mad…. because he’s the one who keeps saying let’s leave the door open. I’ve said many times that I know he’s not ready for more, I don’t believe it would work right now because the ex is still too much in the picture. Why try to get my hopes up and then pull it all away. I felt like I couldn’t say anything right today. But then he started saying some specific things I said that felt judgemental to him, and “in his own house” and I realized that I gave way too much advice, too much opinion, and it was a mistake. I lost sight of a lot of what I’ve learned, trying to help him so much, that I did more damage than actual help. He said we needed space, but then asked if I was coming to help him with some work stuff. I’d previously agreed to do it. I said ok, wanted to keep my word… but then he said his ex would be there too and I said no. He felt judged, that he can’t say anything nice about her or I get upset, and that I of all people should understand due to my history with C. I shared that I do understand and have tried to be supportive, but again, feels like a losing situation. If he hates her, wants me to hate her too…. he’s told me years worth of horrible stuff she’s done, not one friend or person in his family like her… but I’m supposed to let that go and be supportive and understanding when he feels sad about her… and she’s having a good day. THey don’t happen often, so hard to figure out.

    I believe that this is the real reason why he’s pushing me away. He feels guilty about me when they are getting along, and even though she’s awful to him, he wants her to want him enough to change. I’ve been supportive, I even told him I’d understand if he went back to her. Their divorce papers were just final on the 30th. I know this is new.

    THe good part about all of this, all the blinders are off, the rose colored glasses are broken…. it was real and gritty, and difficult, but we talked through it. I learned something about myself, and him…. and I’d rather have the clarity than the illusion.

    There is a lot more that happened than I can write it all out… but I did see him briefly tonight and told him I had some good news… my date last night has some connections I need for my candy business. He seemed a little put off… asked if I thought I’d be keeping him around. I said it had only been one date, but felt nice, we have a lot in common, I enjoyed it. He brought it up a few times, I was casual about it.

    I’ll admit it felt nice for him to not think I’m sitting around waiting for him to get over his ex. That I might meet someone special.

    He did do a bunch of stuff he felt good about, some work related, some to make new contacts, and plus some stuff at the house. I was smiley and made some positive comments, but not my normal. I didn’t do anything at his house except make some conversation.

    Of course he brought up that we should sleep over….. which I asked why he says stuff like that, what would he do if I said yes… and he said, he actually means yes. His ex was coming to help with his work, my daughter wanted to stay to see the baby, but we left a few minutes after she got there. I really don’t want to be in the middle of their dynamic.

    I realized today that even though it was fun to spend so much time with him, I’ve given up a lot of the relaxing things I normally do like watch movies, read, get my hair done, even shopping is rushed. I’m prioritizing my time. Getting back on a schedule. I feel better with a time plan. I really want to start exercising again and consistently lose 5 pounds a month until my birthday in December. I want to feel more confident in my outward appearance. 🙂



  461.  #461RiverGirl on September 5, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    No Memulo, no. You need to make yourself safe. Make yourself safe if this man is unable to do more for you. If he can see you making moves to take care of yourself it may inspire him to step up but that should not be the goal. Do it for you. ((((Memulo))))



  462.  #462Turquoise on September 5, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Bleck, reading back over my posts, and my texts today. SO MUCH DRAMA. Yuck. This isn’t me, or if it is…. double yuck. I need to work on that.



  463.  #463Miss Bells on September 5, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    #450: I am not so worried about him being loyal to me. If he isn’t, at least eventually, he’s not for me. But–I almost feel my true blue streak hurts me. Is loyalty leany forward? I am not sure.



  464.  #464Smile on September 5, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Siren Angel 433

    Thank you!  that felt nice to read when I woke up.

    6am- I don’t normally feel great at this time in the morning but your comment has lifted me straight out of bed.



  465.  #465Smile on September 5, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Siren angel… Love this you wrote

    I am a Goddess.
    I intend to lean back completely.
    I intend to receive love when M shows up.

    I repeat these kinds of things in my head now all the time.



  466.  #466Butterfly wings on September 5, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    Memulo, from here I see a lot of expectations being put on him that he obviously isn’t able to handle right now.

    With divorce proceedings etc could it be that lending money to you would look to the courts like he’s “hiding” money from his ex?

    Either way it doesn’t matter because it’s important you look after you rather than expecting him to “rescue” you, because you’re already disappointed that he’s not done that.

    Xxx



  467.  #467Smile on September 5, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    The more I tell myself positive things, and practise feeling messages, the easier it is to actually do them in real life.



  468.  #468baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    Butterfly Wings, thanks for explaining. I believe I understand the gist of No Expectations.

    Do we practice No Expectations for life or at the beginning of the r/s? As we get more invested in the r/s, it gets harder and harder to have no expectations.

    Maybe it’s easier to date a guy we don’t love….. That way, we are able to lean back effortlessly…



  469.  #469Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    Hmmm interesting question baby steps. I suppose to some extent it really needs to be for life!

    From what I have learned, I now know that expectations feel like pressure to a man, and his automatic reaction is often to rebel or push against those expectations.

    As you move from the early days through to full on commitment, it’s up to us to express how we feel (good and bad) about what he does, and the more we express our appreciation for the good, the more likely he will keep doing those good things.

    Easier said than done though, I know!



  470.  #470Butterfly Wings on September 5, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    Speaking of no expectations, I left work early today because I have a stomach bug (ick), so because TH and I had arranged to go to the gym then back to his house, I sent him a message telling him I was going home early, so he knew I’d probably not make it tonight.

    My plan was to go home, rest for a bit, then see how I felt later.

    He responded almost immediately, telling me to wait for him and he’d come home with me.

    So now I’m at home in bed, and he’s at the gym and will come back a bit later.

    I didn’t expect him to “escort” me home, but he did, and it was a very nice surprise! 😉



  471.  #471baby steps on September 5, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    Butterfly Wings, awwww…. that’s so sweet of him. I love his way of showing he cares. It’s is manly yet sensitive.



  472.  #472Daria on September 5, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Miss Bells – yes, Rori talks about forgetting about true blue.

    Even a hint that you’d be willing to do that before marriage/full commitment lowers your value in his eyes.



  473.  #473Daria on September 6, 2012 at 12:01 am

    Thanks Smile and FW 🙂 I’m feeling smily 🙂



  474.  #474Daria on September 6, 2012 at 12:16 am

    I may wind up a virgin mother because no man is good enough to marry and support a priestess

    That’s a lot of masc energy being a priestess

    Hmm

    Rori says I will and we all can and She’s married.

    Even tho mama gena and my midwife friend and the other priestess woman all had troubles.

    They didn’t have this to teach Rori utter deep respect in a relationship.

    I’m afraid is that a thought on repeat

    I feel powerful

    I want community and family and babies more than romance?
    I don’t thknk of a man, yes I do during sex and to bring me food.

    And also now he says kind words.

    I want a man to take me out all flashy in the world, and when I think this I think addiction guilt

    I feel scared and kinda icky and thrilled and triggers of feeling left out



  475.  #475Tam on September 6, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Ok, Memulo, my two cents here:
    You have expectations of this man rescuing you when it doesn’t sound like he is in a frame of mind to even commit to you properly. So he isn’t going to rescue you.
    But him offering solutions is just what men do, they try to fix things, so I wouldn’t see that as a negative. He most likely thinks he is being super helpful….while you build up resentment.

    Try to let it go, try to tell yourself ‘I can do it without him’ and you will. Do you have family that could help you out, friends? This man does not owe you anything. Wind it right back to treating him like a CD. And he will most likely come back strongly.

    If, and if this man was fully committed to you then yes, if I was you, I would also ‘expect’ him to care about me and want to help with his resources.



  476.  #476Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 12:29 am

    Mmm… I am feeling like I want to be happy and in peaceful, happy relationships. Where I don’t feel violated. Where I feel super valued. Where I feel cherished. Where I feel they put me first. If I need space – they give me space. Simples…



  477.  #477ruth on September 6, 2012 at 12:30 am

    474 daria

    A schoolfriend of mine had twins at 42 by IVF when she was a virgin(took a while to find somewhere to agree to do it) She just hadnt found the right man but was desperate fo children(was a midwife then too)
    Funnily enough, a year or two late she met the man of her dreams, married him and had another baby



  478.  #478Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 12:32 am

    I don’t want people any man or woman to take advantage of my kind and caring and nuturing nature.



  479.  #479Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 12:34 am

    Sometimes I worry that I am a bit simple and that people take advantage of me. I don’t seem to have the skills to survive in this world. People take advantage of me very easily. I feel scared when I think about this.



  480.  #480Tam on September 6, 2012 at 12:47 am

    477 – that’s quite a story, Ruth!



  481.  #481ruth on September 6, 2012 at 12:57 am

    477 Tam, yes, it is!

    Rebecca, that is entirely in your own power to do
    Value yourself enough to set your boundaries and stick to them
    it may upset people at first, but they will come to accept and respect the new you



  482.  #482Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 1:05 am

    Ruth

    Thanks – I just feel I am in a bit of a quagmire at the mo and am in panic mode.

    For a year I’ve been appeasing this neighbour. I kept thinking to myself that I had it under control – and I felt sorry for him at first so I invited him to things thinking I was being nice. But I keep thinking to myself this will be the last time, this will be the last time. But it never is. He’s always there. He won’t go away. He won’t just take the hint and leave me alone. I just keep thinking I’ve been letting this slide and slide.

    I’m in a few social groups – and he has joined them ad well now. I’m so scared he’s taken over my life. He’s there everytime I turn around. I feel so scared of him



  483.  #483Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 1:05 am

    Ruth

    Thanks – I just feel I am in a bit of a quagmire at the mo and am in panic mode.

    For a year I’ve been appeasing this neighbour. I kept thinking to myself that I had it under control – and I felt sorry for him at first so I invited him to things thinking I was being nice. But I keep thinking to myself this will be the last time, this will be the last time. But it never is. He’s always there. He won’t go away. He won’t just take the hint and leave me alone. I just keep thinking I’ve been letting this slide and slide.

    I’m in a few social groups – and he has joined them ad well now. I’m so scared he’s taken over my life. He’s there everytime I turn around. I feel so scared of him



  484.  #484ruth on September 6, 2012 at 1:17 am

    you will probably have to be quite firm with him rebecca , if not outright rude then

    I did have an idea that you could tell him you had a new boyfriend who didnt like you hangign out with other men but that could create all sorts of other problems



  485.  #485Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 1:30 am

    Ruth

    Yeah – I was thinking of that myself. I going to focus on keeping myself busy. Its about me, not him.



  486.  #486Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 1:30 am

    Yeah sometimes we get to a point where we believe that we hae to be outright rude to really get our point across to some people. However, I believe that is giving up your power. Telling them that you have no control. If rudeness is not your nature, I don’t believe you should go there.



  487.  #487Perplexed on September 6, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Hi Rori,

    I began reading and listening to your material about 10 months ago, after I broke off a relationship with a man who was not willing to commit.

    About 6 months later, he came back to me and asked if we could try again, to which I agreed but continued to date other men. Things felt better for a short while, then began to fizzle, as before. I then pulled out your material and repeatedly listened and was shocked to discover how much I didn’t absorb the first time through. I realized I had made the mistake of not setting ground rules for exclusivity, and meeting his adult children prior to us being intimate. After applying what I learned, things changed pretty dramatically and quickly. His communication became frequent, persistent and expressive, and his whole vibe changed. He is excitedly planning a wonderful vacation for us, is present, genuinely affectionate, and began introducing me to some of his friends and family, and it seemed meeting his children was next.

    So you can only imagine how disappointed I was to discover he is on a backpacking trip with a woman whom I thought he was no longer seeing (she lives 300 miles away), as opposed to the business trip he told me he was on. He’s been calling me the whole time he’s been gone telling me how much he misses me and can’t wait to get back.

    I must admit, when I first accepted him back I merely assumed he was no longer seeing the other woman. He had told me he didn’t feel she had the emotional stability to be a good partner. I know he became involved with her years ago after her husband died and he had gone through a divorce. His children became acquainted with her, which explains why he hadn’t introduced me to them.

    So what do I do, Rori??? I continue dating other men, have a very dynamic, demanding career, and full life. I very much want a healthy, loving relationship and am willing to move on if I can’t have that with this man. But I’m wondering how to handle this. Do I reveal what I found out about the trip with the other woman, or do I just to back away? If I do, how do I have the conversation that’s certain to ensue? Your insight is most appreciated, Rori. Thank you for all you do!



  488.  #488Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Firm yes, Maybe walking away with no words if he keeps pushing. After you have stating your boundaries, just live them.



  489.  #489Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 1:33 am

    FW

    Thanks. I think I need to be firm with myself and focus on myself and stop bellyaching about it. Whats done is done right? I guess the more I focus on it the more it brings ne down. I need to somehow forgive myself and try and move on…



  490.  #490Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 1:34 am

    Rebecca it seems to me you might have built up resentment that only you can take care of by taking responsibility for your actions.



  491.  #491ruth on September 6, 2012 at 1:35 am

    I feel a bit concerned rebecca that you are “scared|” of him

    what do you think he will do?



  492.  #492Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 1:35 am

    That’s what came to me just now Rebecca. It is almost like you are using the situation as a reason to beat up yourself.



  493.  #493Heart on September 6, 2012 at 1:44 am

    Long and tiring day.
    Have not written CudG yet…was so busy and I’m feeling so indecisive about what I want to say.
    I have a sick feeling in my stomach…the thought of Talking scares me.
    oh well….will scroll up and read some posts in a bit.



  494.  #494Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 1:50 am

    Ruth/Rebecca – I believe it is about speaking your truth to a man. This cdating is practice also for being with Mr. Right. If this man can’t hear my truth and experience my true self, it will also be a challenge for Mr. Right because I am not being my authentic self. I first have to be true to me. Does this make sense?



  495.  #495RiverGirl on September 6, 2012 at 1:59 am

    @493
    FW, I like what you’ve written here. Rebecca, instead of seeing your situation with your neighbour as a dreadful problem to solve, can you maybe see it as a gift and a chance to learn how to express authentically?



  496.  #496Daria on September 6, 2012 at 2:00 am

    Ruth – wow your friends story made me giggle

    For me it’s virgin in an oldschool sense as in unmarried woman 🙂



  497.  #497Daria on September 6, 2012 at 2:01 am

    I’m gonna get married!!!!

    Yay !

    I feel clueless as to how this will happen or wat this man might be like!



  498.  #498Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 2:03 am

    Turquoise I believe you are learning some valuable lessons. Human psychology is complicated. You agree with him about the ex might translate into you criticizing the ex. Criticizing the ex, even if not outright, flips to criticizing or judging him, in his mind? He choose her so criticizing her or agreeing about him is a reflection of who he is? In other words his mind made it personal, it might be unconscious. Don’t know if this make sense but as I read your comments I feel shaking my head in agreement with Rori, no comments, no opinions, no suggestions. Just listening, being over there with him, maybe just saying “bummer”, “O crap, that sounds a bummer, I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling”. When he gives feedback about you being judgemental tell him thank you, maybe even apologize though you didn’t see yourself that way and that you now feel empowered to take that knowledge into the future and to become a better person.



  499.  #499Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 2:05 am

    Yippeee Daria!!



  500.  #500RiverGirl on September 6, 2012 at 2:09 am

    OMG Daria!!!! He’s a lucky man!!



  501.  #501ruth on September 6, 2012 at 2:24 am

    Daria

    yes, my friend had never had s*x, well obviously she has now!

    I had a bit of trouble getting my head around the concept of babies and NEVER having had s*x



  502.  #502ruth on September 6, 2012 at 2:26 am

    493
    FW yes I agree with that
    Unless Rebeccas neighbour has real mental health or severe social skills issues that mean he might not be able to understand



  503.  #503Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 2:31 am

    Ruth

    Yes – I am scared of him. I am worried that if I pull away he will become withdrawn and moody with me and I will then feel forced to lean forward and rescue the relationship. That has been the relationship for the last year. I would call him passive / agressive. He has the little boy lost routine down to a tee. If I don’t give him loadsof attention he makes out he’s been really busy with loads to do. But if I invite him to something and am available he is ready and waiting in a heartbeat. He’s so bloody obvious.

    It’s like I was going on a walk with a friend and I made the mistake of telling him about it. He said he would like to come and I went really quiet. Then the next day I felt guilty and asked him if he wanted to come along. He jumped at it and seemed to be available all day and all night too. I couldn’t get rid of him in the end and I don’t think my friend was too happy that he’d invited himself along. But what can you say?

    I bet my bottom dollae if I had not given in and asked him to come along he would have made out that he was ‘really busy’ that day – with so much to do. He would have gone on and on about what he had done. So it just isn’t adding up to me.

    Also, one night we had been out with some other friends and we were walking back at midnight and as we walked past mine he said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one last drink at yours’

    I nearly freaked out!!! Its like he won’t leave me alone. I told him I had to go to bed but i was left feeling this massive guilt like I had been a bad friend!



  504.  #504Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 2:45 am

    FW/Ruth

    I do understand that he may have social skills issues. I need to tell myself its okay to say no to him. I am important to. I have a right to reclaim my own life.



  505.  #505ruth on September 6, 2012 at 2:45 am

    502
    I see Rebecca
    I was just wondering if you meant he might get violent towards you or himself

    That was my concern
    I feel relieved to hear that this is not the case

    Do you *want* to have a friendship with this man?

    if not, then why the guilt?

    Just walk away



  506.  #506ruth on September 6, 2012 at 2:45 am

    503

    Amen to that



  507.  #507Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 2:46 am

    Ruth

    Ohhhh… I feel a bit unheard..



  508.  #508ruth on September 6, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Rebecca
    I an struggling to understand the issue actually
    I feel confused

    Do you *want* to be freinds with this man
    I am getting the strong impression that you dont like him and that he makes you feel very uncomfortable

    Is that the case?



  509.  #509Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 2:49 am

    Ruth

    I am going to try and walk away but he only lives around the corner from me and he is now friends with all my friends.



  510.  #510Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 2:50 am

    Ah Ruth I see what you are saying. I never looked at it from that angle.

    Rebecca I keep hearing you saying that you need to deal with yourself around the feeling of guilt.



  511.  #511Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 2:56 am

    Ruth

    I think I feel like I ‘need’ him, if that makes sense?

    I do like him – yet he really annoys me – and I guess I am feeling guilty at how much he annoys me and he is making my skin crawl.

    I feel like he is blundering and bafoonish and a bit clumsy and doesn’t give me personal space. I also feel repulsed.

    And I feel guilty for ferling this.

    But sometimes I feel like I ‘need’ him. Maybe to help me fix something, help me put a cabinet together, that kind of thing. I don’t really have anyone else to ask.

    I am trying to keep him sweet.

    Does that make sense?



  512.  #512Femininewoman on September 6, 2012 at 3:00 am

    Makes a lot of sense Rebecca. These are the real truths that you can address and face so you can move forward. Once you get clear. I would look at all this and see how I am judging myself this way.



  513.  #513RiverGirl on September 6, 2012 at 3:00 am

    Rebecca, do you feel guilty because you believe he might feel used if he knew you only wanted him around to fix things?



  514.  #514ruth on September 6, 2012 at 3:01 am

    I am feeling anxious about things like”repulsed” and “making my skin crawl”

    If I felt like that about someone I would definitely not want to spend any time with them at all

    Rebecca your feelings are valid and you dont have to feel guilty about them
    they are telling you something

    I havent even met this guy butwhat you have posted about him and your response to him is scaring the cr*p out of me

    I can feel fear and discomfort



  515.  #515Daria on September 6, 2012 at 3:01 am

    He will be when he shows up 🙂

    I made my decision for yes



  516.  #516Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 3:15 am

    Rivergirl

    Yeeeessss!

    I really feel like I OWE him big time and I have tried to repay him many times over but its not enough.



  517.  #517Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 3:16 am

    Ruth

    Yes, you have a good point.

    I guess in small doses I would have been happy with the friendship.



  518.  #518Memulo on September 6, 2012 at 3:23 am

    Daria, the virgin mother was married;)



  519.  #519RiverGirl on September 6, 2012 at 3:23 am

    I feel a bit confused Rebecca, who isn’t it enough for? For you or him?



  520.  #520ruth on September 6, 2012 at 3:23 am

    516 Rebecca
    past tense
    Maybe you have moved on from the friendship



  521.  #521Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 3:28 am

    Rivergirl

    I mean I feel like I OWE him for stuff that he’s done for me like letting me borrow his computor, picking me up from the hospital.

    I feel wracked with guilt…



  522.  #522ruth on September 6, 2012 at 3:30 am

    Rebecca
    juat so I am clear
    this guy you are talking about is a diffferent one to your depressed friend?



  523.  #523Annie on September 6, 2012 at 3:39 am

    388: Smile says:

    “Found it…

    756: Smile says:

    ***This “old flame” showing up is what nearly ALWAYS happens once you start shifting and Circular Dating. And it’s nearly always about this same thing:

    The “lesson” the old flame had for you still needs to be gone through – one more time.

    You have these choices when it happens:

    1. Answer him, talk with him, meet him for coffee or a walk, practice using all of my Tools, and see if you really have “shifted.”

    If you’ve shifted inside, you’ll notice different feelings going on in you – your attraction to him might have faded, you might feel sad instead of chemical, you may see him more clearly.

    You’ll NOTICE when he triggers you.

    You’ll be more aware.

    If these shifts haven’t taken place – you’ll just find yourself caught up in his “stuff” the way you did the first time.

    Either way – there’s always something to learn, even if what you learn is that you don’t want to “go there” again!

    2. Ignore him, let him be in your past.

    Work with the feelings that come up, hoist him up on the back of your “horse” in your imagination (that usually helps), and keep riding down the landscape of your life to your Happy Ever After.

    In the end, bottom line – HE IS IRRELEVANT!

    This is all about you, what you’re learning, how aware you’re becoming – and how this is all helping you to make choices in your life that serve you well and make you feel happy.

    Love, Rori

    Saturday, 1 September 2012 @ 2:23pm”

    I feel a bit anxious, I worry about misunderstanding things and getting things wrong.
    I then get nervous and mess things up.
    The ironic thing is if I trust my gut it has not ever been wrong.

    I know I have shifted and transformed a lot, my insides going out and out in.
    I know I am not fully there yet and sometimes go back into old reactive habitual patterns.

    I want to get this right I want to understand.
    I don’t want to go through that lesson one more time.
    I don’t want to feel that heartbreak again.
    An ex is hovering on and off in the background.
    It feels unsettling, my tummy feels like it is doing somersaults

    This man came into my life and turned my world upside down, how ironic that now I feel my insides and outsides switching aswell.
    At times I felt so scared, terrified.
    I feel a bit embarrassed to write this as it sounds like i am nuts, it felt like our souls got entangled and we had some sort of psychic link after this experience. It felt like they were joined and then I felt a big jolt and thud like my soul had returned I feel nuts writing that but it is my truth. Scared the shit out of me.
    Some really strange stuff happened to me after that.

    He was my final wake up call I know that.

    It just doesn’t feel truly finished.
    Your right I do feel sad 🙁
    I have shifted.
    I rushed in living for the moment.
    He said all that mattered was that we loved each other.
    I used to believe that
    I now know that isn’t true.

    I now know if you don’t treat me the way that feels good and I want to be treated it doesn’t matter how much you say you love me want me miss me need me.
    I don’t want you if you don’t treat me the way I want.

    It just feels so unsettling this not knowing why he is hovering in the background like a stealth plane.
    I feel really scared I feel unable to put my finger on it.
    What is it?
    I feel sick.
    Observed for my reactions.



  524.  #524Rebecca on September 6, 2012 at 3:43 am

    Ruth

    Yep!



  525.  #525RiverGirl on September 6, 2012 at 3:47 am

    @520
    Rebecca
    To me those seem like things friends do for each other. Do you think you would feel the same if someone else had done those things for you?



  526.  #526Daria on September 6, 2012 at 3:54 am

    Memulo – which one?



  527.  #527Senara on September 6, 2012 at 4:00 am

    430 Belle

    So you’ve grown and ended up in a feel good place. That’s all that matters.