VOCAL ATTRACTION: Use Your Voice to Attract Your Partner

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Here’s a great guest post from Ariella Forstein – who’s brilliant on my Modern Siren program:

by Ariella Forstein

So many women change their voice in order to become what they think is attractive to men. Some raise their voices higher; some make their voices softer, and most do both.

It is no wonder women do this, because our society deems the “sexy” female voice as airy, light, high-pitched, and smooth.

If altering the voice is easy and just a matter of fitting in, why do I, as a Vocal Coach cringe when I hear women doing it?

Because this voice is inauthentic.

If you use this voice, it is a clear sign that you are not fully comfortable with yourself. It may help you attract a man, but likely one that desires an insecure, needy woman.

Is that you?

I didn’t think so.

And even if it is, you can become empowered by taking necessary action to alter both your voice and your confidence.

Steps to a confident, authentic, attractive voice:

  1. When no one is around, speak to yourself freely about something you love.
  2. Observe the ease, joy and enthusiasm with which you speak!
  3. Feel your breath connected to your voice, supporting it ever so wonderfully. The emphasis will be on what you’re saying, rather than what you’re thinking. This is your authentic voice.
  4. Practice using this voice (no matter how new or scary) on the phone with a trusted friend. Optional: Tell the friend you’re doing this, and ask them to remind you to use it when you speak with them.
  5. Then use this voice in the grocery store with the cashier.
  6. Then approach an attractive man with it, or try it on a date.

This is one of numerous pathways to re-discovering your authentic voice. You know better than anyone if you are able to use it easily or not. If you are still searching for it, remember, it takes time to get comfortable enough with yourself to speak authentically.

When you realize that you can be more vocally authentic and take action to change, know that you are doing something bold and beautiful, and others will admire you for it. That should enhance your confidence!

Real men want real women. The more you are comfortable with yourself, the sooner you’ll attract a man who is comfortable with himself. And that, my friends, is attractive!


Ariella Forstein is a Vocal Empowerment Coach, healing and enhancing voices & lives for transformational, obtainable forward movement. Learn more at: www.AriellaApproach.com

From Rori: Ariella is unique, wonderful, and inspiring…if you want to learn more about how working with your voice can empower and transform you inside and out – check her out…

Love, Rori

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710 Comments

  1.  #1Starbright on June 4, 2012 at 6:47 am

    I like this post! What fun to practice my passionate and true voice!



  2.  #2Femininewoman on June 4, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Vocal



  3.  #3April Rose on June 4, 2012 at 6:52 am

    ease, joy and enthusiasm….



  4.  #4Angela on June 4, 2012 at 7:02 am

    🙂



  5.  #5boasgirl on June 4, 2012 at 7:28 am

    I really liked what Ariella did on the Modern Siren program too –

    and it feels good to talk about things i love when i’m alone 🙂



  6.  #6Francesca on June 4, 2012 at 7:34 am

    I find that when I’m tired, my voice is lower and sounds sexier.

    Maybe that’s the tone of voice I should practice using all the time.



  7.  #7Francesca on June 4, 2012 at 7:36 am

    I have to go to the store later, I’ll try it on the cashier.

    With a smile, even though I feel blah.



  8.  #8Mochaberri on June 4, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Great tool!!!!!!!!



  9.  #9Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Angela From prior string….
    We are all in a learning process and yes it’s great to lean back and not initiate contact & I don’t know if you were referring to me…

    But if you had read the background I’m not sure if you were referring to what I said about a CD picking up the phone and not saying anything, but it was in fact me returning his call and not initiating.

    I have initiated with one of my prior CDs (Recycled) because I needed help with something but I know that comes with a risk, and I ended up feeling a little frustrated…but I do believe it is ok to lean forward from time to time esp. when asking for help with something….in the past he has responded positively and helped me…

    Your post was a lil triggering to me like “scolding” and I feel the need to explain but I also know that explaining is a form of control for me and also maybe I should not personalize it.



  10.  #10Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Regarding voice, I have had men tell me they love my voice. 🙂
    I also remember hearing Stephanie Seymour (model) speak and she has an amazing voice! I loved listening to her so I sometimes think about her and imagine I have that comforting, easy feminine voice. I’ll see if I can find a post of her talking…



  11.  #11Starla on June 4, 2012 at 8:25 am

    I went to the workout. it was fun. and now i’m stuck at my desk feeling ultra sad about CF. I actually felt better about everything BEFORE the workout.

    At least I voted for me. Maybe I will feel better after a few more days/weeks of morning workouts.

    feel like crying though. i won’t because of my pretty eye makeup.



  12.  #12Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 8:26 am

    From prior post thank you FW for your replies about EMK and for clarifying what he teaches. I still find it hard to understand because if we are supposed to “drop” a man if he does not treat us well….well what doed that mean??? Maybe he is akward or going through a learning curve and is not a bad or toxic man….

    I know plenty of women who have husbands who were not perfect when they met but they worked it out and both people learned and grew with each other. But…if that does not happen, I want to have other guys that I’m getting to know too.

    Also, I’ve had boyfriends talk about marriage early on and gung ho on committment only to decide against it 2 or 3 years later and there I was….starting over again. It turned out they didn’t know what they wanted,b ut there was no way for me to know that…????

    So again, EMK’s philosophy still does not work for me.



  13.  #13Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 8:26 am

    (((Starla)))



  14.  #14Starla on June 4, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Thank you Emerson

    I wish he would just talk to me:( It just feels so wrong and I know I’m not a crazy creep pushy stalker person, but sometimes I wonder if I am, because he’s so non-responsive. But really he’s just incredibly immature. And it leaves me feeling like if i could only think of the right thing to say, I could “unlock” the door to 2-way communication. And that’s crazy making and unfair.

    I really believe that there is no reason to be unresponsive to another human being unless there is some sort of threat or abuse involved, you know? If you can’t bring yourself to vocalize a response, even if it’s not what the other person will want to hear, you need to grow up. Period. I don’t care who disagrees with me:)



  15.  #15Iamabutterfly on June 4, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I feel kind of embarassed because I totally skipped this part of my Modern Siren program when I got it over a year ago! I felt confident in my vocal abilities at the time. I still do. I struggle with confidence in many areas, but one thing I know I’ve got and feel amazing about is my unique, other-worldly voice. When I sing, the world seriously stops. My vocal power feels so good! I want to do more with it…



  16.  #16sunshine on June 4, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Emerson, Im thinking actually Rori’s method of leaning back works well for knowing when to drop a man…if you lean back and are in touch with your feelings he will basically weed himself out if he doesnt contact or initiate. Also if Im n touch with my feelings and express them, his reaction will trigger in me if to keep him around or not. I really like that because it helps me stay alert as to if theres a toxic vibe, clueless vibe, or good chemistry. Guy im dating right now for example is really bothering me hes made very shallow and superficial comments. Yesterday I told him I went to the bar with my roomate and he said “how old is she” I said 38. He then said “and shes not married?” I said no and he said “whats wrong with her is she fat? ugly?”- I felt infuriated and totally turned off!!!! How incredibly rude I told him “wow thats pretty shallow” and he apologized but ewwww. I dont like this guy he texts atleast five times a day and calls often and if I cant pick up he texts, hello??? and its just annoying Im cutting it off today.



  17.  #17Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 9:30 am

    sneaking to subscribe



  18.  #18Mel on June 4, 2012 at 9:32 am

    (((Starla)))

    Non-responsiveness… Sometimes it feels sooooo hurtful and worse than any verbal assault or ‘punishment’ because of the unknown; the lack of any sort of control.

    But I really do think that people just do they best they can at any given time. Not necessarily a lack of maturity, just a deep paralyzing fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of closure or finality, fear of hurting someone or yourself. Avoidance is a protection of sorts and this is something I am making a conscious effort to work on.

    It’s part of not shutting down, stuffing feelings, overfunctioning to ‘please’ someone enough to end any discord.

    And because we have the gift of awareness and Rori’s tools, being brave and speaking up is coming more and more naturally to me.

    My ‘best’ is better today than it was a year ago. Perhaps we are all somewhat immature. But that just means we have room to expand.



  19.  #19Iamabutterfly on June 4, 2012 at 9:33 am

    @12 Emerson – I’ve found that it IS actually helpful to drop a man when he isn’t treating me well.

    I agree with you, that it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a “toxic” or “bad man.” But, by refusing to accept “less-than-the-best” behavior, you can actually sort of train a man (I hate when women say that about men; it makes them sound like dogs, but it feels true to me) to treat you in a more acceptable way.

    Guy thinks: “Oh, wow. This woman really respects herself. If I treat her this way, she disappears. I better treat her this better way instead. I don’t want to lose her!”

    It might be helpful for the woman to tell the man how his “poor behavior” makes her feel.

    “When we were at this place, at this time, and you did/said this certain thing I felt…

    I don’t want to be around someone who makes me feel that way.”

    Then, she can remove herself from the situation. If the man is worth keeping, he’ll shape up and step up and come back around as an even better version of himself.

    This is just my theory…



  20.  #20Starla on June 4, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Mel, “Avoidance is a protection of sorts and this is something I am making a conscious effort to work on.”

    Me too. Big time. So many people avoid things to protect themselves from fears they drum up all on their own in their heads. I’m learning to figure out what really needs to be protected and what is just me being “immature” and imagining drama/problems/potential abuse, because of my own triggers and backgrounds.

    When my best friend freaked out on me with pregnant hormones, it showed me just how much we can invent problems in our own heads.

    It feels really sad that someone would choose avoidance when they know how painful and totally confusing non-responsiveness without explanation can be for the other person. I do think it’s immature and incredibly selfish.



  21.  #21Starla on June 4, 2012 at 10:01 am

    On the other side of the coin, I also think it’s immature to start demanding that the other person talk to you, or blaming them/criticizing them for their choice.

    Both parties deserve to be respected for their choices. Even if it’s an “immature” one.

    I’ve been the non-responsive withholder myself many many times, and I’ve felt so slimed and dishonored when the other person would say pushy, demanding things to me to get me to talk to them. I ended up ending these relationships or just letting them go on in silence for months or years. I may be immature for not even communicating, but if I’m obviously uncomfortable with communicating at the time, I feel very very unloved when this isn’t at least respected.

    I feel proud of myself for respecting CF’s seeming wishes. I used to never take no for an answer in these situations. I say seeming since he hasn’t communicated them.



  22.  #22Mel on June 4, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Hey Starla,

    “It feels really sad that someone would choose avoidance when they know how painful and totally confusing non-responsiveness without explanation can be for the other person.”

    I know… that does feel sad. But I wonder if it is necessarily always a conscious choice? I dunno. Self-awareness is a huge thing. I used to be so very unaware…



  23.  #23Starla on June 4, 2012 at 10:21 am

    In other news, I was thinking about the “message” that the guy who wrote his number on my sandwich wrapper has for me, since Rori says all men have a message for us, and I think it’s to show me the quality of man I am currently attracting. There are some aspects in him that I really crave in a man (his sense of humor and quick intellect), but it’s still not the whole picture of what I’m looking for in a man, because he DOES seem like a bit of a, uh, “loose cannon.”

    So, the universe says to me:
    1. Don’t worry about missing out on your chance for love by taking some time just for yourself. You don’t even have to try to attract men. They will seek you out. That’s what they DO, even when you’re in pajamas at the quick order food place.

    2. The quality of men I send to you is a reflection of where you’re at (thanks, FW, for sharing that gem in the other thread).

    3. And you’re not “there” yet, to where you wanna be. But keep going. You’re getting there.

    4. I send you these men, not to test you in your resolve to stay on a dating strike, but to test your resolve to hold your standards and boundaries with any given man. You need the practice. You must learn to stop operating in total extremes for longer than is necessary.
    Love,
    The Universe

    (((((((((((((((universe))))))))))))))))))



  24.  #24Starla on June 4, 2012 at 10:29 am

    I didn’t respond to CF’s email for FIVE days. That is a pretty dang long time to say nothing at all. I actually *started* the silent thing. It was me being immature and trying to keep the upper hand (and also I needed some time to sort things out, but I could have simply said to him, “hey, I got your note, and before I respond, I need some time to sort things out for myself”). I regret this. I could have handled it all much better. I am learning for next time:)



  25.  #25Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 10:34 am

    24 Starla stop beating yourself up please..put down the hammer. You did not “start” anything. You are overanalyzing.



  26.  #26Starla on June 4, 2012 at 10:41 am

    I’m not overanalyzing, I’m exploring the topic of non-responsiveness and my thoughts and actions related to it…?

    I will be more mindful of not beating myself up.

    Love to me love to me love to me
    forgiveness to me:)



  27.  #27Iamabutterfly on June 4, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I feel sad and curious. I feel like sometimes I close myself off by where I choose to look in a crowded room. Like, I’ll feel “aware” of a man’s prescence, and I’ll feel his awareness of mine, but I feel fear and close off and shut down.

    I intend to stop doing this.

    I intend to feel good about the mutual awareness, to simply look over or up and smile, to stay in my feelings and feminine energy, and to let what happens (or what doesn’t happen) happen.

    I noticed myself doing this just yesterday…
    I want to know when I started “doing” this.

    The fact that I’m “doing” it shows me that it’s masculine energy.

    I feel sad about not being aware of it before…
    I feel hopeful to fix it…



  28.  #28Iamabutterfly on June 4, 2012 at 10:45 am

    @24 Starla – you said yourself you needed time, so you gave yourself time.

    No need to have regret about it!

    You KNOW a man would never apologize for “needing time.”

    He would likely feel offended if he wasn’t given time to sort things out!

    You were just taking care of you.

    It sounds like you are in masculine energy, in your head, trying to figure out where things went wrong. I would encourage you to stop. and just feel…



  29.  #29Starla on June 4, 2012 at 10:49 am

    i’m not sorry for needing time. i’m sorry for not communicating that i needed time because i thought silence would give me the upper hand. I’m just being honest. i was being manipulative and continued to be for actually a few weeks in my thinking and actions.



  30.  #30ulii on June 4, 2012 at 10:55 am

    I have noticed that I have many different voices with different people and situations. I don´t really know what the most natural one would be? Also I have noticed different volumes. Some people are often telling me to speak more clearly or louder, other are telling me to keep it more quiet… I guess speaking with my parents and closest friends is when I feel more secure and confident…so I guess then the voice would be more natural. But also among the closest friends there is one who complains I´m too loud. I do feel a bit masculine energy with my family & friends, lot “in my head”, thinking logically & explaining a lot…I don´t know. I also have been singing and had some vocal & breathing education and have the voice coming from deep down, not from the throat. So generally it´s low-pitch and clear, while I´m confident — versus when I´m nervous and unsecure with a guy I like or in a job-interview, when my voice gets quieter & softer & higher. In public-speaking (which I hate) it also gets really dry. I don´t really like my voice except when I´m singing.



  31.  #31Starla on June 4, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I am starting to feel better:) Pretty standard, to feel better and better as the day moves on. It’s a bit earlier in the day than usual, about 3 hours or so earlier than I usually feel much better. So I guess that’s progress:)



  32.  #32Femininewoman on June 4, 2012 at 11:27 am

    ulii me too. I have different voices depending on the audience and the effect I want to create. With men I tend to speak softly, my intention is to create safety for them. I also will lower my voice to get people’s full attention. However, I will raise my voice just so much when I am talking passonately about something. I am not sure I totally agree with the concepts in the article but I don’t women who consciously change their voice to be attractive to men. It might be one of our unconscious blocks. I dunno



  33.  #33ulii on June 4, 2012 at 11:31 am

    RE 27, Iamabutterfly

    That describes exactly something that happens to me all the time. Like cutting myself out of the possible connection by not looking to somebody.

    I have a feeling it is about me being more than average shy-person. After knowing Rori´s tools, I try to do the 5-second look/smile in this situation (although it´s much easier being in movement, walking on the street & looking to the persons approaching). I have never got it to be so long though. And this mutual awareness with some man in the room sometimes resolves itself even without the tool. They still come to talk sometimes, even without me looking to them. But if I´m still closed-off, there will be second rejection-level. So very few would go past that too. Here, now, I´m trying to apply the leaning back, physically. Smiling & listening.

    Still…all this is avoided in online-dating. Where I often meet someone & practice feeling messages from the safety of my home. And then maybe meet them on a real date.That is so much different. Although I´m equally shy at the beginning of the date and it´s still hard for me to look the men into the eyes much. But some connection is already there. So it is easier to find new cd-s this way than from a real life situation.



  34.  #34Rose on June 4, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Hi lovely ladies ladies!! Does anyone know of a natural remedy for mosquito/gnat bites???
    Had such a nice weekend by the water with R but am still itchy from being attacked ahhhhh



  35.  #35Starla on June 4, 2012 at 11:38 am

    My voice varies immensely depending on where i am and who i’m with. My mom was the same way, and it used to embarrass me terribly. I thought she was SO FAKE! In the end, though, this enabled me to be very good at learning languages.

    Both my mom and I pick up people’s accents very very quickly in conversation with them. I used to feel so embarrassed when my mom ordered Chinese delivery on the phone.



  36.  #36ulii on June 4, 2012 at 11:39 am

    ((((((( Starla ))))))

    I genuinely admire all you are doing lately. 🙂 I love to read about all the physical routine & new habits you do to take care of your body. I´m noticing I can run a lot more than I thought too. Getting already to almost 10 km distances after running 4-6 times per week last 4 weeks. But morning gym would be too much right now. My sleeping problems are serious, and early in the morning is lately the only time I am actually able to sleep some hours.



  37.  #37Femininewoman on June 4, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Rose try baking soda.



  38.  #38Tam on June 4, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Starla, have you ever wondered about the fact that CF’s silence although excrutiating, actually would help you to move on?
    I know first hand how horrible it is but having someone contacting you sporadically, and keeping you thinking about them and hoping – could that be worse? For me it destroyed a new relationship, so I am wondering….



  39.  #39Femininewoman on June 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    1717: Siena says:
    Hi Nita!

    When I’m communicating feeling messages, I make them ALL about me – eliminating any ‘because’ phrases – I don’t want to explain my feelings, because that’s a ‘in the brain’ thing! Feelings are heart things!

    When I’m asking for the guy to do something, first, I understand that I don’t get to control whether he does it or not, and then I speak in “I don’t want” statements, and finally, say “what do you think” to invite him into the conversation. So – your list, I would tweak to go like this:

    you – hey i feel sad.
    him – why?
    you – I don’t want to be in a relationship where I don’t see my guy a lot. What do you think?

    you – i feel sad and confused
    him – why?
    you – I feel so great when I hear from you a lot, and I feel lonely when I don’t! What do you think?

    you – i feel frustrated and jealous
    him – why?
    you – I don’t want to talk about your neighbor. What do you think?

    you – i feel offended
    him – why?
    you – I feel so great when I’m on a date and the man pays for me, it makes me feel desirable and sexy. I don’t want to go on dates where I have to pay. What do you think?

    you- I feel so confused! I feel a desire to kiss you, but i also feel fear of rejection
    him – (he’ll pull you in and kiss you at this point. If he doesn’t – DROP HIM!)

    you – i feel annoyed
    him – why
    you – I feel so great when I talk to you on the phone. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I don’t hear from the guy regularly. What do you think?

    you – I’m feeling angry.
    him – why?
    you – I don’t want to be the only one talking, it feels weird. What do you think?

    None of those conversations are about him. They are all about your feelings, and not blaming him for anything. And these don’t feel at all needy! What do you think?

    Love,

    Siena

    1718: Rori Raye says:
    Siena – this Feeling Message list is fabulous…I’d like to use this somewhere as great examples of ‘Scripting”… Love, Rori



  40.  #40Daria on June 4, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Ew I feel really pist Starla.

    U know what so what I can’t vocalize a response and I feel mad thinking of that time we got in an argument and I felt hella pushed upon cuz I was not Tryna talk.

    So yeah I feel mad and now I feel resentful being called immature

    And I don’t want to be abused.

    I feel so furious.

    And confused

    And scared



  41.  #41Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Tam 38 – it’s just that we never said goodbye to each other or even had a 2 way convo. He emailed me and said he didn’t want to date me any more, and that he’s not ready to talk that night but would be ready the next day. He’s given me the silent treatment every time I tried to talk to him. So it’s doing the opposite of helping me move on.

    I don’t want sporadic contact. I just want to be able to have a 2 way conversation 1 time, lol. Instead he’s left me wondering and confused. And CF is a true genius — he does know what ‘harm’ he is doing by not speaking at all to me.

    Eh, f*ck him.

    Let’s talk about something else hehe.

    (((((((((((((blog))))))))))))))))

    So I’m earlier than ever on getting CF out of my head for the day. This is a serious victory!



  42.  #42Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    no one is talking to you daria or calling you immature and i’m certainly not abusing you.

    you should be careful about using that “a” word with people. it’s a serious thing to suggest, and i definitely DO NOT appreciate you trying to insinuate i abuse you.



  43.  #43Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Also, I heard you the first couple dozen times you said you disagree with my take on this issue. I assure you that I am fully aware of your opinion and how p*ssed off you are at me for seeing things differently.



  44.  #44Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    39 FW Thank you for sharing this! This is an awesome cheat sheet.



  45.  #45Daria on June 4, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Wow I feel so compelled to apologize

    So scared I’m upsetting someone

    Feeling sooo miserable

    Why does it have to be so hard????!!!

    :(. 🙁

    I hate talking about my feelings

    I hate it

    I get yelled at

    And made wrong

    And discounted

    And diissed

    Dismissed

    It feels Soo painful

    I don’t want to deal with this

    🙁

    Sigh

    I feel Soo crunched up head in turtle shell

    Umph. 🙁

    Feel so unconfortable

    Umffff. 🙁

    Ruuuurghhh

    Urtrghhh

    Unghh

    🙁

    Feel
    Forrow brow

    Ugh

    So unconfortable

    Baby

    Baby

    Unconfy

    ;(

    🙁

    🙁

    IMF

    🙁

    ;(

    Uffff

    Mmmm. I feel bored

    I feel nauseous

    I feel sleepy

    I feel lonely

    I feel kina chill

    I feel curious

    I feel. Kina sexy

    I feel smily

    I feel hehe

    🙂

    🙁

    :). 🙂

    🙂



  46.  #46Daria on June 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Ew Starla I don’t want to be talked to like

    ‘you should’ or whatever like that

    It feels abusive strait up it feels that bad to me

    I don’t wana tolerate it and that’s my problem!!

    Feelin mad!



  47.  #47Tam on June 4, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Starla, I get it. Trouble is from my experience guys don’t like the 2-way ‘talk about the relationship’ convo. Either they are into ‘it’ or they are not, or they take the 3rd way: trying to keep us on a string.
    We can’t control or make them want the same conversations we want to have, it’s a woman’s thing. So right ‘let’s talk about something else’ . Good on you to focus back on yourself!! 😉
    Xx



  48.  #48Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    35 @ Starla
    I laughed when I read this 😀



  49.  #49Daria on June 4, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Omg I’m so proud of myself whoa!

    It feels so unconfortable

    — I will piss others off for being proud of myself right now

    But I an

    I’m communicating thru my feelings

    Even if they are gella intense from being bottled up

    This is NOT like me

    !!!

    I don’t talk about my feelings in intimate relationships!

    Wtf!

    This feels so different

    I feel so vulnerable

    Ong I feel like I’m gonna get jumped in front of an audience



  50.  #50Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    well there you have it. the word “should” = abuse

    gosh, i had no idea. i am so sorry. please forgive me. I looked up abuse in the dictionary, and I had no idea that using the word ‘should’ in an informal context as a synonym for “you might want to” means I am:
    1. To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: abuse alcohol; abuse a privilege.
    2. To hurt or injure by maltreatment;
    3. To force sexual activity on; r*pe or m*lest.
    4. To assail with contemptuous, coarse, or insulting words; revile.

    gosh, you’re right. i am such an abusive person. thank you for showing me how using the word ‘should’ in an informal context actually equates to using you wrongly and improperly, injuring you physically, forcing sexual activity on you, and assailing you with coarse language!

    I hope you’ll be understanding and seeing why I didn’t make the connection between the word “should” and abuse before. I promise I’ll never do it again (because I won’t reply to you anymore, even when you decide to start writing about how much I p*ss you off and how much you judge me and are angry and critical of me.)

    lol

    ((((((((((irony))))))))))))



  51.  #51Daria on June 4, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Ugh I feel like I can’t handle this!

    I wana beat up on myself!!!

    I can’t handle this tension!!!

    This feels unbearable ! B

    Unfffff!!!

    Writing about this feels fantastically releasing

    My feet feel like they’re tingling

    My chest feels like its clutching

    My thighs are tingling

    Well one…

    Mmmm

    I feel nauseous now and weakened

    Uggggh

    That’s that numbness

    Mmmmm

    I want to love myself

    I feel si unhappy in these moments 🙁

    So miserable

    🙁

    I feel terribly

    Not happy

    And squueezed

    🙁 🙁



  52.  #52Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    ack, i can’t get out of moderation! It’s because I pasted the definition of abuse, and it’s full of vile stuff (that incidentally has nothing to do with the word “should.”)



  53.  #53Arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Starla. Even geniuses, especially geniuses, have blind spots. I seem to only attract men who are spectacularly adept at one thing, and emotionally regressed otherwise. I can come up with a few theories on why I attract that. 🙂

    I relate so much to your thought process on this. It’s brave of you to share it. It helps clarify my own. I keep thinking this might be about control for me. Wanting to know why, making guesses, using my mind to try to calm my body. Doesn’t work.

    After exercise I feel exhilarated and sometimes sad too, and I think it’s because im getting into my body and the emotions are coming out finally in raw form. Maybe it’s part of the process.

    I don’t believe that we can know why they aren’t calling or explaining. Maybe they have really good boundaries. Maybe they have conflicting emotions. My anxiety about my own break up is similar to the need for more information when he was courting me – who’s he out with, is he sleeping with someone else etc. he doesn’t owe me an answer. I can’t control him. But I can refocus.

    Daria I love how honest you are too.



  54.  #54Arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    ps: Starla. Pretend I just said ” you should just refocus already”. That might feel bad. Shoul is a trigger word for a lot of people.



  55.  #55ReceivingGirl on June 4, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    @39 FW – Thank you for sharing this. I’m feeling a lot of NVs about Mr. Observant. I feel curious as to the drastic change in communication. I was feeling annoyed and crabby at my brother and I wonder if that turned him off. I wonder if something is happening with his divorce and he’s just being inside himself. I’m wondering if he changed his mind and doesn’t want to date anymore. He hasn’t been on POF in over a week.

    I’m feeling very worried over this. Last night, I texted that I feel myself missing him, our phone conversations and my bed and his reply was, I forgot my FB password! That was it. I sent a baby pic today and he didn’t reply. It’s just not how we have been communicating and I don’t like it one bit.



  56.  #56ReceivingGirl on June 4, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Good luck at your new job, Radlove!!



  57.  #57Megan on June 4, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    throughout my life people have told me I have a soothing, or pleasant voice.

    One guy I was sharing a room with in a hostel would ask me to read aloud from the book I was reading so it would put him to sleep!

    I don’t get this from everyone and I don’t hear it myself…perhaps I should record myself to hear it…

    hmmm..it would be nice to be able to turn this on when I wanted to!
    🙂



  58.  #58Rose on June 4, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Femininewoman, oh wow thank you! Do I mix the baking soda with water? or apply it dry? Can’t wait to this when I get home, the itch its driving me crazy…



  59.  #59Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    lol 55 arrow, careful, you’re abusing me, omg:P

    *crosses eyes*

    it feels good to refocus. I have so much to focus on. I probably need to find a more meaningful job, although I’m not sure I could take the transition right now! When I’m stuck here, I ruminate a lot. I get to leave early today, though:) In about 1.5 hours. tick tock tick tock tick tock



  60.  #60Femininewoman on June 4, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    RE 52 Arrowofthyme – I don’t believe it is all about good boundaries. As Dr. Paul explains it some people use windows while others use doors on their boundaries. It’s as if they close the doors and close them forever at times. Also one has to bear in mind that some men use stonewalling. That was how they learned to relate from their parents or significant others in their lives so they believe it is normal. On the flip side when a person feels offended or rejected it might take them a while to get over this hurt. Especially if they were rejected more than once by the same person. I for one get to a place where I think why even bother put myself in that place again. We are all humans we can only take so much. I have a very great man in my life who told me explicitly he will try with a woman 2 max 3 times then throw in the towel. His philosophy is there are 6 billion other people on the planet that could possibly love him, why put oneself to be constantly rejected by one person. I tend to agree with him.



  61.  #61Arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    .



  62.  #62Daria on June 4, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Ouch Starla that feels bad! I don’t want to get into an argument about abuse!

    I don’t want to fight!

    I feel frustrated!

    Im yelling!

    I feel panicked!

    I feel …

    Confused

    Out of control

    Terrified

    Omg!

    I feel so unconfortable
    !

    I Don’t want to feel this way!

    Agh!

    It feels unbearable!

    Omg

    I am bearing it

    I feel more relaxed

    I want to feel good!

    And happy and harmonious!

    Rargh!

    Anger!

    Rargh

    Sigh

    Mhmf

    Feel like I’m settling down

    Umfgh

    Feeling?

    Tingly

    Mmmm

    Jumpy

    Mmmm

    Pleasant

    Mmmm

    Relaxing

    Mmmm

    Melting

    Mmmm



  63.  #63Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    i went into moderation twice (50/51) so the numbering is about to be very off. sorry about that! I tried to censor it as best I could, but I must have missed some words.



  64.  #64Daria on June 4, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Thanks ArrowofThyme



  65.  #65Femininewoman on June 4, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    RG he might be practicing “if she is not in front of you she does not exist”. Remember men live in the moment. If I were you I would rather try languishing in the thought that he spends every waking moment thinking of you. If you continue in the train you are now in the energy will build up inside you and change your vibe.



  66.  #66Femininewoman on June 4, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Yes Rose.



  67.  #67Starla on June 4, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Daria, I don’t want to argue either. I want you to leave me alone.



  68.  #68Daria on June 4, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Starla omg that feels really BAD!

    I do NOT want to be made fun of!!!

    >:0

    I feel so filled with lava!

    I don’t want to be taunted!

    That doesn’t feel good!

    I don’t want to fight with you!

    I want to feel better!

    I’m sorry for my part in this!

    I’m feeling panicked and I don’t know how to make this feel better!

    I feel extremely unconfortable and vulnerable.

    What do you think we should do to get to feeling good?



  69.  #69Starla on June 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    “What do you think we should do to get to feeling good?”

    Just leave me alone. Thanks.



  70.  #70Daria on June 4, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Wow I feel so crushed and sad

    But I’m valuable 🙁 !

    They don’t want me

    They use me and don’t want me

    And abuse me

    That is my story

    I run this story over and over

    It’s no ones fault

    It feels hopeless right now

    I feel so madiys as big as the world

    I feel quietly depressedi fee
    L

    Tingly in my jaw

    I felt numb

    That’s wat it is

    Heavy heart feels numb

    Daria : hey babe. This feels bad. I don’t want to be put in the situation to feel bad no more. And I don’t want to be alone. Wat do you think we should do?

    I feel so sad

    Aww babe

    It’s all good

    It’s not about you

    Ok

    It will be ok

    Everything to be appreciated will be highly appreciated

    You are the one

    Mmmm

    Ur my luv bucket

    Luv bucket

    Come here babe

    I wana kiss an squeeze an hug ya

    Mmmm

    Luv baby

    Ma luv baby

    I luv u

    🙂

    Hee

    Luv baby feels pleased huh

    It’s ok

    You can relax you’re safe now



  71.  #71Daria on June 4, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Starla – ok I might not read all posts from now on so if there sonething else towards me sum body point it out.



  72.  #72Iamabutterfly on June 4, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    I need to practice feeling messages. Right now I feel annoyed. I feel a little tense and I feel ready for the work day to be over…



  73.  #73Daria on June 4, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Not everybody likes me and that’s ok

    Why is that ok again?

    That doesn’t feel ok at all

    I still don’t get Rori on this

    She said something to me Abt this around the time I felt bad w alias girl

    I feel like I’m putting all my relationships under trial by fire and sword

    Y am I doing that?

    I dono it feels out of my control yet I see how I’m ‘causing ‘ it triggering it

    Yet I’m committed to this authentic thing

    And wat if I’m doing it all wrong!

    Ugh

    I shouldn’t be triggering people

    Not true w word should

    Umf

    !

    🙁

    Feels unconfortable

    I have such high self esteem now

    Less loneliness

    Less takin it personal

    Hmm

    I’m on sa right path tho

    !

    Everything will be ok!

    That feels exhilarating

    Mmmm

    Ffff

    Yawn

    Feels good to yawn

    I feel excited that this is happening and I feel quite capable feeling my emotions !

    Wow!

    Go mee!

    I feel drained and it feels good!

    Yawn

    Wow

    Horrible feels feel able and I vommunivate

    Yes it didn’t look pretty on sight and I know it’s ‘wprking’ cuz it always does wen I keep it trill.

    Ong heaven I’m changing

    I’m getting better

    I do stand up for myself even tho my legs are feeling

    Like spaghetti



  74.  #74Femininewoman on June 4, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Megan my internal eeewwwww radar went off when I read about you reading to him. It felt so mothering and masculine.



  75.  #75Daria on June 4, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Personal processing:

    ‘ok I might not read all posts from now on so if there sonething else towards me sum body point it out’

    Noticing and feeling excited!

    I went into robot – care taker – boy mode

    Emergency instruction mode

    I don’t Wang to do this!

    I feel angry

    I feel excited to notice

    I feel Greatful!

    To Starla

    And to heaven

    For showing me such powerful spiritual truths and changes

    In me

    Here

    Wow this feels powerful like moving a mountain



  76.  #76Daria on June 4, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Ulii – me too on avoiding eye contact

    And remaining closed off wen approached

    Especially when the guy is wanting to get physical w me

    I avoid eye contact

    I e guy even flat out told me I was ignoring him

    :0

    I kinda am

    Not sure I feel so unconfortable and jumpy sometimes



  77.  #77Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Aaahhh this article about the voice is soooo true. I can always tell when I like a guy because I can’t speak!! I stammer… My voice goes up a notch… I sound all squeaky and not like ME at all! I am trying to sound cool and really think about what I am saying… Ahhh I feel sad for me!!



  78.  #78Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    I felt sad today. I was on another date today with a guy and I kept feeling like he was soooo out of my league. And I felt soo sad about that?! What is that about??! I just felt like I couldn’t be myself around him. He was interested in me, he was nice, he was interesting, he was very fit, loads of chemistry… But I did not feel good enough. I wanted to run away and hide… I feel sad for me.. My chest feels tight… Ahhh…



  79.  #79Sassy on June 4, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    STarla, et al—I feel my biggest issue with the non-response is that when you get right down to it-it’s just plain rude!
    And this may be something from my generation, idk, but what has happened to courtesy and politeness. A simple “I don’t feel like talking to you right now, or something, even “go away- leave me alone” is better than nothing!



  80.  #80Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Talking about ‘silent treatment’ is triggering me. It feels like punishment. It feels like you are so unworthy and invisible he can’t even be bothered to speak to you. At least that’s how I feel. I had a fling with a guy I worked with who was lovely at the time. But after he dumped me he never spoke to me again. I think he would even cross the street to avoid me. I even wonder if he is in total denial that anything happened between us. What does it say about me???! It is soooo painful to me…



  81.  #81Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I feel fat and ugly today. I am sooo annoyed at myself because I can’t stick to a healthy eating plan and I know I should, but I always feel so hungry.. All my friends comment on how much I eat but I can’t seem to stop.. I feel angry at myself and I WANT to loooovvvveeee myself… Pffffffff…. Argh….. Tightness across my lower back…. Tight chest….. Arrrhgghhhhhhh……..



  82.  #82Linda on June 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Hello all

    It has been a really long time since I have visited here.

    I have been in a 2 1/2 year relationship that has just ended. No wishing for it come back here for me. I am feel relieved. I used many of the things I learned here but it just did not make a difference for the success of the relationship, however it did keep me from, over functioning, leaning forward, leading and speaking and writing my feeling messages and living in a imaginary relationship, and hence being in a pile of rubble right now.

    I felt like a fish out of water and unnatural lots of the time. Since this relationship has failed, I find myself second guessing myself, and wonder what the outcome would have been my behavior had been modified some but by all accounts I can total him in as a toxic man. He can be quite charming when it affords him what he wants. All in all he is a very negative, leagalistic, depressed and toxic human being.

    WHen I did find the strength to greet him eagerly at the door, make a great dinner at nite.. he would eat and turn on the tv and fall asleep. I would tell him how I felt and he would tell me I complained to much … since he like TV so much I found a program that interested us both and if it was recorded ask him to wait so we could enjoy it together and he told me to stop scolding him. yikes….( I am not a complainer, just tried to express myself with feeling messages). After a while I became closed and self protective. I know my body language was closed too.

    I thought of myself as mirror. because I would rarely intitate or lean forward, I gave only what he was willing to give. This did not produce a positive environment and nothing grew… except disinterest and distance. There were times he would extend his hand toward me as we walked or sit close on the sofa but it was short lived. I would tell him I loved his voice and that his hands were so soft… I would compliment his dress and when he showered and smelled good….. he did not even mirror that back. This led to nothing. I asked him to join me in watching a sunset recently and he joined me but I felt lonely and sad. I did intiate a lingering hug and a gaze into his eyes but and he kept his eyes on the horizon and hands in his pockets, only offering a small pat on my back. Even though I wanted more and to be myself I felt that I would be casting “pearls before swine” and I could not bare the cold rejection anymore..! When it gets to that point, there is nothing to say but goodbye.

    O course when it ended according to him it was all my fault cause, …..I am a wonderful woman but……. it was just not all there, i.e. I dont come in the vixon package he desires to get him all excited. (thank you porn industry)…making no effort feed the woman in me to stir anything like that up. That my kids dont except him (but took no responsibility or put no effort in to making right the terrible things he did behind my back in the begining of the relationship that they knew about).. and oh throw in that he just cant live in my ex-husbands shadow (all because I said “we” when I told a story from my married past once). When I heard this from his mouth I immediately went into my BEAT MYSELF UP THINKING MODE…(o m gosh I have messed this all up and it is all my fault). But, wait he turned the tables on me again and took no responsibility for many things he did to hinder and damage us.

    I can let it go, learn and move one day at a time. He needed to go along time ago and I am upset with myself that I did not push it happen sooner. I guess that hoped deep down inside that he would drop his guard and let me in, because we were very compatible on a good day. (but those were rarer and rarer) I dont understand that about me.

    Linda



  83.  #83Starla on June 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    thanks, daria. i really appreciate you honoring my request.



  84.  #84Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    I am finding this feeling messages on dates very difficult I have to say… But I’m trying.. Baby steps!



  85.  #85Starla on June 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    (((((((((((Linda))))))))))))))))))))



  86.  #86Starla on June 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    so i had a meeting that killed a lot of time, and now i am done for the day:) see ya’ll later:)



  87.  #87Linda on June 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    You know what I find funny? When I first met my last friend that I just wrote about… he told me he loved my voice! LOL

    That just makes me shake my head here.



  88.  #88Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Linda – wow, your story is like a mirror to me. ((((linda)))))



  89.  #89Sunshine on June 4, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Linda, reading your story I feel compassion for you and I wish you the best and that your journey has brought you strength and wisdom for a completely wonderful experience to come:) I reflect about your story something that has happened to me before but not as long term or serious just dating. I start to think that there def is a point were we women must move forward…I dated someone, then fwbenefits, then friends etcetera, and I just know I was invested for longer than I should have. I wonder why its difficult to understand that cut off point, I feel its because of the love/ attachment I felt at that moment. I also think its because regardless of how crappy, he knows me the best and that means so much to me. Its difficult to let go of invested time with someone and all the bonding. Now as I date I feel good and at times strange and honestly I feel lazy sometimes…utterly lazy even sleepy when on my way to meet lol. but, I appreciate that even though I feel lazy it is a natural relaxer and therefore I feel a relaxed easy to get along with vibe that appears to be attractive. I do find it odd that I dont have even the slightest nerves or anything…hmm.



  90.  #90sophie on June 4, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    ((((Linda))))) so sorry for you that it did not work out with this man and it resonated with me as I just ended a relationship with a toxic man and had to guard myself against taking on his defence that it was all my fault and I too possibly could have left the situationsooner but I kept on hoping that it would be ok. I need to put a lot of practice into listening to and honouring my own feelings I think – I am trying to cd at the moment after a few weeks of being seperated and am so anxious and triggered by any other men’s rejections and in trying to keep my own boundaries as i am feeling needy and vulnerable. I am though trying to stay awake to if I am feeling bad because of a man’s response it says more about how I feel in that man’s company than about me – I need to LISTEN to myself



  91.  #91Sunshine on June 4, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    Starla, you brought up something interesting earlier about feeling manipulative when not responding to his email. This really jumped out at me and I thought about it bcause I have felt that way to when Im absent, etc. My conclusion is that its a mind trick so that I can go back to my old leaning forward ways. I convince myself Im being manipulative but its just because I feel uncomfortable with the silence. Then, my guilt based on my creative conclusion that Im being manipulative, convinces me to therefore communicate. Im gonna try not to let this happen to me, and remember that Im doing things for me and experimenting with how it makes ME feel. anyway you might relate or not but just my insight..



  92.  #92Lizka on June 4, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I’m feeling tense. And I feel I am trying to control m,y relationship with ATW more and more.

    I was doing perfect just a few days ago, but as soon as we get closer, it seems that I can’t help myself to control it, make sure we talk almost every day, that we spend time together on a regular basis, that I know where he is.

    I don’t like that, but at least I noticed it soon enough.

    I love me for noticing it. Now I have to release the pressure. Bye bye pressure.

    Today was hard. We were chatting by text message since last night and sometimes he just stop answering and my NVs started blah blah… We were suppose to spend time together but he ended up (for the second day in a row), telling me he has something to do.

    So I texted him “I feel like I was feeling last summer right now, and it’s not a soft feeling”. He replied immediately with “Make it soft than! Kitten don’t complicate things in your head. I’m sorry. xoxo anyway.”

    This is cute no?

    I hope I did the good thing.

    So tonight I’m gonna take extra good careof me. Maybe a facial treatment? My skins need it. Steam bath and mask. And a good dinner with fish and vegetables. Oh yeah.

    I love me for taking care of me.

    I need to date more also. All my CDs seems to have poof, ModelCD, RamadanCD, they all haven’t call for weeks and this is why all my energy has been on ATW lately… Let’s put it back on ME…. NOW!!!

    xoxo sirens



  93.  #93Dominique on June 4, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    Linda – So nice seeing you again though I feel sad that the circumstances are feeling painful for you.

    Please know that you did NOTHING wrong. This was from what you say a totally unavailable man, maybe toxic, certainly not YOUR man.

    But it was a wonderful learning experience for you. He helped you strengthen your siren skills, and in the process, he has helped you grow.

    You’re only making room for increasingly higher quality men to appear.

    xxoo



  94.  #94Dominique on June 4, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    And brava to you for having the courage to end it.

    xxoo



  95.  #95sophie on June 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    78 + 79 non response is probably one of, if not the, biggest trigger for me – i hate it more than anything and i don’t like it when men withdraw to process either leaving big long pauses when I don’t know what’s going on – that is all part of leaning back I guess but I haven’t learnt yet how to relax and focus on something else rather than feel sooooo anxious and panicky I am unable to do anything except feel really tense and restless in my body and obsess in my mind. I have got better at leaning back and not trying to contact whoever for a response but I find it incredibly incredibly difficult – I also agree it is so rude. I definitely know now that that not dropping the ball mid-emotional process is a bottom line for me I definitely need a man who will work stuff through rather than run away



  96.  #96Daria on June 4, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    grr i was sending a CD that sexting romance thing and it got sent all at ones it was supposed to be split up

    now i feel embarassed

    i feel very amused too sending cd this stuff

    it feels uncomfy in a fun way!



  97.  #97ReceivingGirl on June 4, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    @64 FW

    Thank you. I did send him a text telling him that I pampered myself with the casino winnings and thanked him again. I’m trying to not think the worst and be patient and see what happens when I get back. It’s just a total turnaround for him. He literally was thinking of me all the time and now I feel he’s not even interested in talking to me. 🙁



  98.  #98Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Radloce hope your first day at work went AWEEESOMMMEEEEE



  99.  #99Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    oops i meant Radlove*



  100.  #100Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Hmmm… I feel very triggered by this statement

    ” But it was a wonderful learning experience for you. He helped you strengthen your siren skills, and in the process, he has helped you grow.”

    My worry is that I find it so difficult to view my relationships as a learning experience. I just don’t feel like I have the tools to do this. Where am I going wrong?



  101.  #101Lizka on June 4, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Wow it’s like magic!

    Just because I took the decision to take care of me (I haven’t even start yet!) I feel so excited about my night and I haven’t even think of ATW since!!

    He said he would call me later, but I’m acting in my head like he won’t, so no expectation, and I can focus on me.



  102.  #102Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    My thoughts around FWBguy. He eas NEVER a CD. I barely knew him. I didn’t want to sleep with him but I stupidly let my guard down. He will never be a CD. Oh, I feel so confused. Because now I like him?! Lol, why don’t things make sense?!

    Thought around him. Mainly negative. We have little in common. I find him a bit rude. He is whimpish. He is more of a girl than me.

    But I like him??!!! Aarrrggghhhhh…. This is rubbish. What is it supposed to teach me??

    Pfffff… Tsk…..



  103.  #103Sassy on June 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    (((((Rebecca))) please don’t put yourself down. We are all here to help you and support you no matter what the issue is.
    Take care of you.
    (((((Linda))) hugs hugs hugs



  104.  #104lilybelly on June 4, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    724: from previous..

    There is no right or wrong, there is only learning, growing and healing.



  105.  #105April Rose on June 4, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Gulp!

    I am going on my first ‘blind date’ tomorrow.

    I say blind date because it is with a guy who didn’t have a photo up on his OKCupid profile.

    He messaged me first, tho’. We chatted, and he asked me to go out tomorrow. I could choose coffee, lunch or dinner. I chose coffee for the first date.

    I’m looking forward to using CDing as a healing experience first and foremost.
    And it will free me from the ‘bouncing’ effect of dating only two men.



  106.  #106Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    good luck April Rose



  107.  #107Starla on June 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Some guy who wrote me a 4 page diatribe in response to me cancelling our (third in 5 months) date, ended his letter by saying no, he could not be just friends with me cuz he could never “move on” (um 2 dates in 5 months and you never even call me, buddy). And before signing his name, he wrote “btw you have the most amazing voice i’ve ever heard.”

    weird. lol.



  108.  #108Dominique on June 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Rebecca – Dating these different men teaches about what you like and don’t like, what you want in a relationship and what you don’t.

    It’s also about releasing your expectations, remaining open and curious about them all, maybe discovering what you really want is not at all what you thought you did in the process.

    Maybe you’re finding here that you are attracted to men who are not good for you, something from your past at work here. Being attracted to the familiar even if it’s a bad feeling familiar, it’s still familiar, and there is a strange comfort in this.

    You don’t necessarily have to have words for what you are learning either.

    xxoo



  109.  #109Sassy on June 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Radlove, feeling much curiosity how your first day went, sugar. Hope it was fantastic!!!
    Much love



  110.  #110Starla on June 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    ((((((((((rebecca))))))))))))))))



  111.  #111Starla on June 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    WHERE OH WHERE IS MEMULO???????????



  112.  #112Starla on June 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    So actually, I am feeling really sad. But it’s a productive sort of sadness. This is my PMS week if all is on schedule with my body, and I find my emotions to be very productive and healing during this time. They are such a gift. Maybe I will put on “The Notebook” and have a good cry sometime soon.

    It really didn’t help that I had to walk right by CF’s mom’s house and CF’s dad’s house to get to my laser appointment today, each way! It had me minding my posture and facial expression so I look tip-top if anyone sees me walking, of course! It’s a very car-heavy area so pedestrians stick out like sore thumbs.

    I’m gonna be okay, though.



  113.  #113LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Ariella!!!



  114.  #114LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Ariella! (in my singing/chanting voice!)



  115.  #115LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Memulo has not been around the few times I logged on. Wasn’t she away on vacation before?



  116.  #116Starla on June 4, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    yes but she had access to the blog. I hope she’s okay!!



  117.  #117Rose on June 4, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Femininewoman, you’re a star.. 🙂 I came home and did the baking soda..feeling so much itch relief!!!



  118.  #118Brandylion on June 4, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    I posted this this morning on the last thread, not realizing this one was up. It felt BIG to me, so I’m reposting here.

    Whoa! Something just really clicked for me.

    When I spoke to PriestCD Thursday and we had a post-mortem of our relationship, he asked if I thought I would have fallen in love with the real him (since I’d told him that I realized when we had our issue in December that the man I loved was just an image of him I’d constructed in my mind in the absence of some critical information about who he is and the lens through which he views the world). I said no at the time.

    It has just dawned on me that I could have changed a lot, maybe the whole thing, by following Rori’s advice to the letter. If I’d known when we met about just how deep he was into his faith, I’d have been much more reticent to date him. I do believe that we women have the ability to fall in love with any man who treats us really well. I’d have made him, not through game playing but through “playing it safer”, work a lot harder to get my time and attention. I was definitely attracted to him, and if I’d restrained myself more–-which would have happened organically if I’d known just how big that gulf between us was–-he’d have had to *really* step up to win me. I was fearlessly open to him, and we both got carried away.

    I probably wouldn’t even have agreed to see him exclusively once the summer was over, and he’d have *had* to plan visits better if he really wanted to have my time and to see what he could have with me. That could have triggered a forever-feeling in him, which was the *key* thing missing that made him decide to end things. All of the yucky feelings I had in this relationship didn’t crop up until I realized he wasn’t falling in love because he wasn’t acting like it.

    Duh! This is exactly what Rori says can happen with exclusivity and laser-focusing your attention on one man! Oh, I love the part of myself that has to learn lessons the hard way! (((me)))



  119.  #119LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    I hope so too Starla



  120.  #120LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Brandylion

    Excellent healing! That was his purpose for you!



  121.  #121Radlove on June 4, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Sassy, Emoticon, and Receiving Girl,

    Thank you for thinking of me! My first day went well! I had a tour of the plant with other new contractors, and then training in a conference room in the afternoon. The thing I like best so far is I am allowed to wear jeans every day of the week! Yeah!



  122.  #122LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    I like you Daria 🙂



  123.  #123Starla on June 4, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    ugh, i feel so lazy and sad so that’s probably more reason than ever to get my planned workout in. then i can crash and sleep if i need to.

    Hmm yes, it would feel good to take a hot shower after my workout, pack my bag for tomorrow, put on a movie, and just pass out to it.

    ((((((((((((starla))))))))))))))



  124.  #124LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    I feel like purrrrrrrinnnnngggg



  125.  #125LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Like Eartha Kitt when she played cat woman on batman



  126.  #126LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    purr vibrating deep in my chest and belly like my big tabby does



  127.  #127LoveAlways on June 4, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Ooooohhh, and I feel like stretching now, arching my back into a smooth sexy spoon shape



  128.  #128Lizka on June 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Wow I had a perfect night thinking of me and only me!

    I cooked fished,made my lunch for tomorrow, cleaned my bathroom, watched my favourite tv show, took a facial steam bath, made a moisturising mask and watched a documentary about the Queen Elizabeth.

    Aww I feel passionate about life and about my passions.

    I am so happy I didn’t had timeto think of ATW. He didn’t call and I honnestly don’t really care right now. I’m just on my little cloud feeling so relax and cozy.

    I’m off to bed already so I have a long sleep and I feel totally rested tomorrow.

    I will turn off my phone and if ATW calls me, he can leave a message. If he doesn’t, it’s ok, I can’t wait for tomorrow night to take more good care of me. 🙂

    I can’t also wait for the weekend because I made fun plans for myself. Shopping, pool and more shopping!



  129.  #129Lizka on June 4, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Good night sirens !!



  130.  #130Lizka on June 4, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Now that I am in my bed and that I turned off the lights, I feel sad that ATW haven’t call me when he said “I’ll call you later”. I feel he always says that and do it only 1/5 times…

    I’m feeling sad and angry and if one of you have a good feeling message that I can tell him one day about this situation of saying “I’ll call you later”, setting an expextation and then not calling me, I’ll definitely take it.

    I feel the urge to call him right now and say “dude it’s later now!”. Lol seriously not that, but I want to call him and I feel teary that he didn’t think about me. The only thing that makes me not call him, is that I am feeling paranoid that he lied to me and that he is not really just spending time home with his mom. I’m afraid that he would not pick up the phone and that would confirm that he lied. Or at least my NVs would take that as a confirmation.

    Ahhh that s*cks!! I haven’t feel like that in weeks! And now I just feel back to how depressive I was last Winter… I don’t want to be that mess again… 🙁



  131.  #131Lizka on June 4, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    I’m feeling forgotten.

    And I’m feeling lied to. Can we say that?



  132.  #132Brandylion on June 4, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Lizka,

    FW wrote, “I am just a girl here and like every other girl I feel turned off when I don’t get attention and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think we/you can do to help?”

    Angela wrote, “I feel bad and not thought of when we don’t talk.”

    Perhaps there’s a way to tweak this to your specific needs? Such as, “I feel so excited when I hear you say, “I’ll call you later,” and then I feel bad and forgotten when we don’t talk.”



  133.  #133Starla on June 4, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    ((((((((((((lizka))))))))))))))

    my best friend always says “i’ll call you later.” she does, maybe 1/5 times, lol. sometimes it’s just a ‘thing’ people say when they’re getting off the phone.

    i don’t want you waiting by the phone every time he says that. It seems like you did an amazing job taking care of you tonight:) you continue to be my inspiration hehe.



  134.  #134Linda on June 4, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Thanks so much for your responses and support. This place is always so awesome. It is nice to see some old names I recognize and the new ones as well and what you have to say.

    I feel like I suck at protecting myself. I feel mad at me. But I still love me too.

    I feel, calm and peaceful because:

    -there is no TV noise
    -no one is ignoring me in the room tonight
    -I am not trying to figure out what to say or how to say it anymore
    -there is no more disfunction here
    -my house is tidy
    – and, there is a cool breeze drifing across me as I type

    I feel concerned that I forever be without a trustworthy partner, lover, friend, companion because I still really want to share my life with someone .

    But for now I am going to bed ,no longer wishing for something to be that wont.

    Linda 🙂



  135.  #135Lizka on June 4, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Thank you Brandylion and Starla.

    Brandy I love your suggestions. I will definitely use the last one when I get to talk to him.

    Starla – He said “I’m with my mom, I will call you later” it didn’t seem like “maybe, if I feel like it” to me. But maybe it was…

    Now I’m feeling terrified. I’ve watched the news before bed and they were talking about this k*ller from Montreal they arrested in Berlin today. Well this happened all in my city, about 15 minutes driving from where I live. Maybe you saw it in the news? Well anyway the images are in my head and I’m trying to sleep and I just can’t close my eyes. I keep thinking this could happen to me, here in my appartment.

    And I just want to call him because I have no one else that makes me feel safe. 🙁



  136.  #136Starla on June 4, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    gahhh
    this long time acquaintance of mine, who i really do like and is the guitarist of one of my favorite bands, is complimenting me on IM right now, and saying things like making me happy makes HIM happy, and I feel like “yeah right, that’s what CF said, even the last day we saw each other.”

    f*cking chr*st



  137.  #137Starla on June 4, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    oh man, this is making me so uncomfortable. i know he is sincere x1000, but i feel really not okay with all this attention and compliments.

    i am so not ready for all this.



  138.  #138Lizka on June 4, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I texted him. No answer. D@mm why did Icame back into this????

    I’m feeling mad at me for not being able to get rid of ATW and for not meeting any other men.

    I want to meet men and CD more than anything. But they are not there. I don’t know why. I don’t understand.



  139.  #139Starla on June 4, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    i had to excuse myself from that conversation

    at least i’m ‘just saying no’ to mancrack now. wow that is actually really good! that i’m not letting myself overdose on this stuff anymore.

    balance will come to me:)



  140.  #140Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    (((Lizka)))



  141.  #141Starla on June 4, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    (((lizka))))



  142.  #142arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    this weekend was my second date with a new guy since my break up. im not excited about him but he’s nice, and im forcing myself to circular date. so. a little backstory: my ex was really into planting and raising little cactus. it seems to be kinda trendy here. i remember when we broke up all i kept thinking was “i am not a cactus. i need more than a cactus.” too bad he didn’t know his way around ferns.

    weird synchronicities show up for me a lot. the new guy suggested that he make me dinner at his place.
    i show up and i see the most extraodinary thing: the entire back patio is completely surrounded by giant cactus. it looks like a forest of cactus and it has a little path winding through it. he said the former owners had planted it in front of the back bedroom like that to protect his daughter. no kidding.

    now its been several months since ive kissed or slept with anyone, because the ex stopped sleeping with me a month before we broke up. so i did it. i slept with this guy that was being nice to me and cooked me salmon, on a grill in front of a forest of cactus.
    and when he fell asleep, i went into the backyard and took a self-portrait of myself naked standing in the middle of the cactus trees.

    and then i went home because i dont want to wake up with a stranger. that would be too intimate.



  143.  #143Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    NewCD contacted me out of the blue but asked me to meet him at an ungodly hour..(he works graveyard shift) and i sent a FM that I do want to meet him but I don’t want to meet so early …he seemed a lil pfffttt about my answer …and he has not offered an alternative. I actually kinda forgot all about him .

    OrangeCrush is officially a chronic daily texter and has still not asked me to meet up in person…?????

    **sigh**



  144.  #144Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    140 omg arrow!!!
    That is amazing! I loved reading what you wrote!
    How rock star of you to take that nude photo of yourself with the cactus! And how ironic about the cactus being there in the first place!!??



  145.  #145arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    emerson: i was shocked when i saw them. they were maybe 10 feet tall. and the sex was ok, and what i didnt mention was right after i went into the bathroom and cried a little. that sort of post coital feeling when you first share yourself with the person who isnt the person you aren’t over yet cry. the “ok im really moving on” cry.

    it felt really safe there at his house though. and i sensed he wouldnt hurt me. he called the next day and wants to see me again. i do feel completely unattached. i feel free and light and then sad and nostalgic, but i do think now that circular dating is going to be better for me than i thought.



  146.  #146LiliBee on June 4, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    140:

    Arrowoftime:

    Absolutely Beautiful!!! I feel awwe 🙂



  147.  #147Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    Arrow…I felt similar after my breakup with ToxicEx…it’s when I first started seeing Recycled…it was a bad feeling kind of like being numb…

    I don’t know if you identify with that but with Recycled… I started out feeling unattached and distant and totally in control to now a couple years later STILL hung up on Recycled..but ironically I’m totally over ToxicEx (for the most part I don’t think about him at all)….

    It’s strange…I could not help myself, it seemed, from having s&x with Recycled because it numbed my feelings of pining for ToxicEx…I was also drinking with Recycled quite a bit…he would take me out to clubs and always drive and keep me safe but I could party and have fun…Aww those were fun times. 🙂

    I am thankful for him being there for me…but I don’t know what to do now with how to get over him…I want to CD these other guys but I seem to be attracting non-committal non plan makers…I have to ask myself is this a mirror???



  148.  #148LiliBee on June 4, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    ((((Lizka))))

    You’ve gotten into your good vibe before, you’ll know how to do it again.

    I wish I had more time to spend with you here.

    We still have to meet sometime soon this summer! 🙂

    I blowing some siren love sparkles your way. xox



  149.  #149LiliBee on June 4, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    I’m all ready for my trip.

    I feel tired. My eyes feel achy, my eyelids feel heavy, my whole head feels heavy.
    Time to get to bed.

    I’ll be thinking of all you sirens all week to keep myself sireny.

    ((((sister sirens))))



  150.  #150arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    lilibee: 🙂 aw. it did feel beautiful.



  151.  #151Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Sassy – I’m sorry it upsets you that I put myself down. I like to get it all out and br honest in this thread – otherwise I jusf bottle it up and it silently eats away at me. I’m actually not looking for sympathy at all – I just finding it easier to look and deal with my problems if I stare directly at them. At times in my life I am angry with myself and that is what I am here to change. I would love it if someone said to me to stop being angry with myself and I did!! Haha I feel like it’s very easy for people to say. I think it’s human to feel lotd of emotions – I’m just trying to work on my negative ones. I’m sorry if it upsets you or you feel I am putting myaelf down. Or basically me thinking outloud upsets you. I can’t always feel positive about myself – I am sorry. 🙂



  152.  #152Starla on June 4, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Sandwich making guy is texting me. it feels fun to text with him. it feels safe and like fun flirting practice. i think he might be way too young for me, but then again, i look way too young for most guys my age too so maybe i shouldn’t guess.

    my other friend, the guitarist i mentioned earlier, was making me uncomfortable because we know each other for like a decade and when he says these really moving compliments to me, it feels a bit heavier and more loaded. And HE’S at least 40 (I’m 27). Too old for me.



  153.  #153Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Sassy – I Do feel angry when I slip up. and I slip uo far too often! And I should know better. If I want to lose weight I should DO something positive about it. I am annoyed at my lack of willpower – maybe I shouldn’t be but I am because I SHOULD kow better! Juaf had a bit of a bad weekend thats all!!



  154.  #154Starla on June 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    he’s asking me out for thursday.

    i actually think i’ll say yes. just some quick coffee (tea for me) by my place to get to know him. then i can tell him i’m on a dating strike but I felt intrigued to at least make his acquaintance for now.

    i have a gut feeling that this little date will be good for me. He works across the street from my house and it’ll give me a little ‘oomph’ to have a reason to always be lookin cute and stuff. it’s a nice little gentle and safe push along from the universe to keep me headed where i’d like to go (looking “put together” all the time).

    I love having men around to inspire my boy to take care of my girl:)



  155.  #155Starla on June 4, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Rebecca, if will power is an issue for you because you’re hungry, it’s a sign you should be eating more!! i dunno what your habits are, but I don’t think anyone should go hungry to lose weight. just choose different foods and fill up.

    sorry if this isn’t relevant advice for you at all… 😀



  156.  #156Starla on June 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    drinking 2 tablespoons ACV in 8 oz of water is really killing my appetite, btw. So is exercising very hard.

    I used to be the hunnnnggggriest girl. I have a reputation for being able to eat more than ANYBODY of any gender or size. And now I have to force myself to consume calories some days.



  157.  #157Starla on June 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    noticing my mancrack tendencies to check for new texts in the middle of a text convo a LOT. although, part of this might just be because texting undermines the flow of any conversation and it’s normal to feel all weird and on the hook waiting for the next line of conversation!

    i do like texting but i wish it didn’t exist sometimes.



  158.  #158Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    I really need to meet some new CDs



  159.  #159Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Starla – thanks I know what you are saying and I think that is exactly my problem – I think if I was genuinely hungry I would feel okay BUT I crave junk food sometimes and I kid myself that I am hungry – and afterwards I feel sick and bloated and ashamed of myself. I think it’s about comfort eating for me – and I want to break my negative cycles.

    People don’t think I am overweight. but I know what I eat when no-one is around, and I feel like its a guilty secret and it adds to the burden I carry. I don’t know what comes over me sometimes and makes me crave the most unhealthy food – and my body just can’t say no. Then I feel disgusted and ashamed with myself. And its gone in for years. I think I’m possibly bulimic. Arrgghh I just want to change….



  160.  #160arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    rebecca: The book, Clean, by Alejandro Junger is a safe balanced way i found to reclaim your real appetite for whole foods that also resets your gut and helps you lose weight. it was amazing for me and many people i know.



  161.  #161Rebecca on June 4, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I think I am triggered in here when I read how healthy other sirens are.. But that is MY issue… Ho… Hum…..



  162.  #162Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    LOL LOL LOL I just saw NoCoffe/NoCupcake dude on one of the dating websites…hmm
    Very funny to me for some reason..

    He’s one that wanted me to give him directions to Starbucks and kept trying to outgirl me and get me to plan the date.

    And then kept reminding me that he’s not from the area and needs help with directions/places/etc…like he just landed on the moon???

    He then showed up and proceeded to fail to offer to buy me a coffee or even a cupcake!!!!!



  163.  #163arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    emerson: haaa. that’s hilarious. you call him no coffee/no cupcake!?



  164.  #164Starla on June 4, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    rebecca, it took me a long time to get this healthy. i baby stepped my way to this point. babysteps are totally the way to go, in my opinion. if you try to just renovate everything, you’ll burn out/doomed for failure!!



  165.  #165Starla on June 4, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    actually, the texting is just annoying. it’s annoying when they ask you a question, and you answer, but they don’t respond. i don’t want to get to know someone through text. blah. i’m going to bed:)

    noticing i feel angry towards this guy. I even said under my breath “oh come on you jerk” when he hadn’t texted me back for 20 or 30 minutes.

    ((((((((((((((((((((my anger)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



  166.  #166Rori Raye on June 4, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    Starla – what happened here? Where do I step in? Someone guide me, please…Love, Rori



  167.  #167Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    161 Arrow
    Yes I call him that…and actually SLV from here on the blog is the one who helped christen him with that name way back when after I told the story. 🙂 I remember feeling supported and having a chuckle over it instead of being “mad.” Also this dude really put my girl energy skills to the test!!



  168.  #168arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    starla. that’s how daria FELT about the word should. i feel really uncomfortable reading your entry just now because i could tell daria was really hurt earlier and felt left out. i don’t like when anyone feels that way. i dont know what else to say except it doesnt feel good to read what you just wrote – its really attacky.



  169.  #169Starla on June 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    Hi Rori:) I don’t think there’s anywhere to step in, at least not for my benefit. I wanted Daria to stop posting (unsolicited) about how angry and judgmental and critical she is about my opinions/approach to life that vary from hers and have absolutely nothing to do with her and aren’t directed at her. I asked about a dozen times over the last couple of months for her to stop and she finally agreed. So I feel just fine.
    Thanks!



  170.  #170Sunshine on June 4, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    RORI and Sirens…please help I have a big queston…

    In the Modern Siren and Commitment Blueprint program there is alot of advice on finding your passion for life (POP) and also on releasing some of that boy energy into that passion/ work/ responsibilities. I love that! I love feeling that way because right now in my life I am an aspiring musician. However, I feel stuck because Im not sure how to make it work along with my vision of Happy Ever After…Rori I dont know how to approach this because its hard for me to imagine dedicating to my career goals, practicing, making connections, etc and still making room for a relationship. I can already see a bumpy road ahead with lots of arguments, lots of frustrations, and jealousy from my guy/ guys Im dating…if anything I cant even picture it all at times because I would probably just cut it off realizing I dont have time for everything! Is there a way to work this? any feedback? I dont want to forget about finding love:(



  171.  #171Starla on June 4, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    arrow, i want to stand up for myself to you, but the thing is, in order to ‘prove my point,’ i have to talk about me and daria’s physical, real life friendship. and that’s not my business alone to share. it’s hers too.

    really, any opinion anyone has is largely blind and limited by what they see here and not based on me and daria’s entire friendship and relationship and history off blog. i know that this is a place for processing and she and i are both posters here, and i don’t want either of us to stop… and i really want to drop it so she and I can both carry on here with our posting and just leave each other alone.



  172.  #172arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    starla: ok. thanks for explaining. i didn’t mean to make YOU feel attacked. i feel it’s good practice for me to say what i feel about a charged topic. i know even without this new context you shared that your entry felt bad especially after daria agreed to stop talking to you. i think its easy to use a clever mind to jab at people – it’s been my forte and the source of a lot of sorrow. when i first read rori i was so confused. if i cant be clever, whats left? just feelings? but any girl can do that! going back to basics was humbling – and surprisingly effective in love. i feel a lot of energy about this and don’t know how to navigate it exactly. i think a hot bath is in order. 🙂

    i like you. i like daria. let’s all take a bath!

    ok that came out wrong.



  173.  #173Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Sunshine…. i feel the same way sometimes, but i just stopped worrying about it. I can already see that some CDs would compromise and we could work things out even if i decided to pursue my singing more. I just go with the flow.



  174.  #174Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    I want to dedicate more time to my art though. I feel like a lot of the time i end up leaning forward would probably be better spent doing creative work and putting a piece of my soul out there for the world. We will see. Im in New York now…. there should be no problem finding something.



  175.  #175Sunshine on June 4, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    thanks Emoticon:) I feel uncomfortable with dating at all sometimes because if I really liked the guy it will be hard because I will want to be with him and therefore sacrificing other CDs and also CAREER. Im mostly scared about making a connection with a guy because I have always been that way in the past, and sacrificing everything else…Roris advice about continuing passions and also dating more than one feels so exciting, a solution to my worries and a free pass to independance, however I question can i even do this? are there even enough hours around the clock for all this? will I have the will to say I cant see you today? lol I got to work on firm boundaries more than anything else…



  176.  #176arrowofthyme on June 4, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    god, i dont know why i just had this memory of my ex suddenly. he literally drove me across this really beautiful bridge one night and when i looked over he was sweating and white as a ghost. when we got to the other side he admitted that he was really afraid of heights and i asked him why he drove across a high bridge if heights made his entire body collapse and he said “because i wanted to show it to you.”

    i remember thinking of rori’s bridge idea. i was so touched by his gesture. i thought it was kismet.

    gah. for every memory like this im going to picture him carrying a cactus.



  177.  #177Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Sunshine are you in the Fb group? i wanted to ask you something privately but didnt want to put my email on the blog cuz its my real name lol



  178.  #178Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Sunshine, boundaries are hard till the first time you do it. The first time i told a guy i couldnt see him cuz i have other plans it was scary because he WAS my plans for two years prior…. if i didnt see him i would sit at home n mope…. omg readint those words now, i feel so sad and sorry for my old self.

    He obviously didnt respect me much. I would wait all week to hang out with him on the weekend and he would still cancel on me. Now? i think my time in general seems more valuable because its filled up with things that i VALUE, like working, site seeing, hanging out with old friends, reading, singing. When he gets some of my time now, its almost like he got lucky, till i start missing him and lean forward but thats okay, cuz every month i do it less so im getting there, baby steps.



  179.  #179Emoticon on June 4, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    “…..or do u not think that far ahead? Cuz i been thinkin bout 4eva” *Frank Ocean voice*



  180.  #180Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Lizka
    It sounds like you had a lovely evening!! 🙂
    Regarding ATW not calling “later” I think you can certainly use a feeling message to communicate that you don’t like it…

    Hmm how about this imaginary script:
    Lizka: “I feel sad about yesterday”
    ATW: Why Kitten?
    Lizka: “I don’t want to have unconfirmed plans where I’m not sure if you will call. It feels bad not to receive a call from you.”
    ATW: I told you I was with my Mom Kitten don’t be sad ok?
    Lizka: “I understand but it would feel great to have heard from you either way since I thought you said you’d call later. I don’t want to have a misunderstanding. What do you think?”
    (Then silence)

    Maybe it’s “calling him on it” ….and is that masculine? I dunno it feels like sticking up for ourselves…

    Ok that’s just me totally off the cuff…Dominique, sirens et al please give feedback about my suggestion…cuz I have needed a script like this myself…!!!!



  181.  #181Tereana on June 4, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    This really jumped out at me from Ariella’s article:

    “The emphasis will be on what you’re saying, rather than what you’re thinking. This is your authentic voice.”

    Wow! I’ve actually spent a lot of time practicing my voice – in terms of how it sounds, cadence, rhythm, tonality. In fact, I’ve basically spent my life on it, because I’ve always hated grating, high-pitched voices. I still do. People compliment my voice all the time – even (and especially) professional radio broadcasters!

    BUT – even though I’ve paid a lot of attention to HOW I say stuff, I don’t always monitor “what” I say. I mean, I do. But it’s mainly a question of brain to mouth. I don’t really look at it as a thing. It’s WHAT I say. People don’t see what’s in my BRAIN, they hear what I say.

    That sounds SOOOO obvious. And it is. But this has just totally upended the way that I’ve been approaching my personal speech.

    This is like the first of the Four Agreements – Impeccable speech. I need to monitor what I say, because what I say DOES matter.

    Or, at least I can monitor it AS IF it mattered.

    Hm, that would be fun. Sounds like a fun game to try. I can play fun games. I like fun. I can’t wait to play!



  182.  #182Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Lizka
    Remember baby steps and don’t worry about texting him…from this point on just go into major lean back mode and you’ll feel better and he will contact you…and when he does you can tell him a feeling message script…(give or take a few lines)…

    If he tries to make plans with you, maybe you can establish a new boundary for yourself like oh that would feel fun to do that wiht you ATW but I unless we have certain plans I cannot promise you anything…(kinda turn the tables on him)

    I don’t mean that as manipulative at all…it’s just taking back your power over your boundaries which is totally sirenish…



  183.  #183Emerson on June 4, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    Lizka I’m thinking about you alot because it reminds me so much of myself what you’re going through.

    I have to remember it’s not the end of the world even though it feels bad I know I’ll snap back to rock star mode (as I know you ALWAYS do)

    I’m feeling frustrated with OrangeCrush’s lack of plan making for us to see each other… and it’s kind of making me feel turned off…if he doesn’t step it up I may just lose interes altogether….rather than pining over him. Same goes for NewCD. I had actually forgotten all about him.

    Things are different with Recycled (which sounds lil bit like my version of ATW) where we have a history and he CAN affect me very much…

    But I do need to get out there and meet some more men and I also need to remember the FEELING of how it was when a man was REALLY into me and loved me….like with Recycled back when and also my ex from long time ago…I knwo he loved me a lot and was always there for me. I try to remember that feeling so I can invite it back to me with the right man..



  184.  #184Tereana on June 4, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    EMK wrote something on the last post that kind of struck me. (it’s at the end of the thread…)

    First of all, I think it’s wrong that it “has” to take a guy 2-3 years to decide if he wants to marry you. Every guy is different. Every relationship is different. Some guys know the same day that they meet you (doesn’t mean they’ll admit to it). Some guys it might take ten years. 2-3 years seems like a good median amount of time. Maybe that’s the point at which we can safely walk away if we don’t feel like waiting. But on the other hand. I’ve mostly dated guys who didn’t need to be rushed – they’d be talking about marriage WAYYY sooner than that. (And maybe that’s just me. Because I am so darn cute and marriageable ; ) But then again – I’m not married to any of them, am I? Hm…must not have been the right guys…; )

    Anyway.

    I do have to agree with him on the CD-ing thing. It’s been on my mind lately that I’ve observed on a few occasions that me dating other guys really backfired on a new relationship. A guy might not ask for exclusivity. But he still wants to FEEL like the only guy in your life. It’s been my experience that I guy that believes, or knows, or senses that I am dating other men will tend to back off. Maybe be attractive to other men is a good thing – that might arouse his competition. But if he thinks you are entertaining their advances, then he’s clearly going to think one of two things: 1) She’s not that into me. She obviously must want another guy. So, in order to make sure she’s happy, I’m going to back off; and/or 2) I can’t trust her. If she’s dating other guys now, then I can be fairly certain that she’ll cheat on me.

    This might not be at ALL what we are doing. We are in fact doing just what most guys do – keeping our options open.

    But lately, I’ve been sort of questioning how good dating other guys is when I’m really looking for a relationship. I mean, it’s great for experience, and exploration, and getting to know people and different guys. I don’t think dating more than one guy at the same time is really serving my long-term relationship goals.

    And maybe that’s just more to do with my “style” than with whether the process is right or wrong. I think what works for one person in one situation just might not be applicable to EVERY situation.

    yes, there are times when dating other guys will make the man “step up.” But that’s not all the time with every guy.

    I think it comes down to, as always, paying attention and being aware, and really sensing your situation and how you are feeling.

    And I realize that CD-ing is not always “dating” either. It doesn’t have to be actual dates, and it doesn’t have to be sleeping with, either! Maybe CD-ing with good boundaries – where you do feel trustworthy, and you know that you are. But I agree that it is VERY important not to stop living your life (or to even alter your life) for a guy. You need to fit him into your life – not the other way around.

    Okay, that’s my soapbox for the evening. I hope you all enjoyed it! 🙂

    And I appreciate the variety of opinions on this blog. yay for multiple points of view!



  185.  #185Tereana on June 4, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    I feel a little bit torn on how to respond if a guy says he’ll call you and then doesn’t. (I have some trouble with this with friends, too.)

    On the one hand, I would love to “call them/him on it.” I would love to – and sometimes I do – say, “hey, if you are going to say that you are going to call me, i would really appreciate it if you follow through.”

    However, when I do that, it usually tends to have either a negative effect or no effect. Sometimes it abruptly ends an interaction or a connection. Instead of wanting to make amends, my friend, or the guy, will just disappear. They only hear my upset, and they don’t want to deal with it.

    Also, in Rori’s materials, she has a script of “surrender speak.” And this includes, if a guy doesn’t call you, what do you say? Nothing. This is because guys do what they want to do. He may say that he’s going to call you and have every intention of doing so. But then his plans changed. Maybe his buddy called, and he decided to go out. Maybe he was just tired, and he was going to call you the next day. You’re still on his mind. But when you come back in a negative way with, “Hey, I feel really bad when…etc.” Then he just feels bad and like, “Shoot, I have no freedom here.” And then he’ll slowly pull away. He won’t know *why* he feels bad, he’ll just know that the next time he says he’ll call you, he is more likely NOT to call you (even though you said you didn’t like it when he did that. He is just afraid of hearing that you feel bad. So he’ll avoid you, even though the obvious solution is to call you.)

    HOWEVER, if you say nothing about it and never mention it – even though it’s counter-intuitive – he might actually be MORE LIKELY to call you in the future, because he feels he has the Freedom to call you or not call you. And guys love freedom.

    Can’t say that I totally have the hang of this. It’s a fine line between “saying nothing” and being a “doormat.” I guess that line has to do with where you’re at. If you create silence with intention, then you *know* it was not great of him, but you’re not making “a big deal” of it either. But if you let it slide AND ignore your own feelings as well, then you become a doormat.

    Does this make sense to anyone?



  186.  #186Daria on June 4, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    Starla – “Daria to stop posting (unsolicited) about how angry and judgmental and critical she is about my opinions/approach to life that vary from hers and have absolutely nothing to do with her and aren’t directed at her.”

    =I did not agree to this’

    im going to continue posting about how i feel

    i did say ok to ‘leave you alone’ – as in not address you?… i guess (Im adressing you now – i dont want to be misunderstood as per that post)

    im feeling very real life upset and not like separate from real life upset

    im sorry that somehow im getting triggered by your words a lot, and maybe its a pattern of mine to suddenly start being very triggered by people close to me (im not sure? feels very sad to me that im suddenly ‘trippin’ as it seems like to one part of me – but the truth is im expressing certain feelings i used to shut down before…and i feel good about it and about being seen for the real me, not just ‘make sure my friends feel good by my hiding i feel bad’ me)

    im still really going to persevere expressing myself

    and i dont want to be attacked or put down for that, or talked to the way i was today which felt bad

    i feel worried im going into some kinda war mode

    i feel quite hopeless and numb and frankly am willing to lose any and all relationships in my life just to take care of myself and express myself if thats what it takes which it seems it does cuz its always the worst for me (limiting belief nv)

    so yeah im willing to express myself even though i know it bothers you and triggers you and you feel pain about it

    im sorry you feel pain about it

    and i still want to express myself

    and if that’s not something that’s accepted or appreciated, im willing to be responsible for the consequences of being avoided, if being around me feels too triggering or painful

    it feels sad and disappointing and it also feels kinda powerful and refreshing



  187.  #187Tereana on June 4, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    Speaking of that line (between “silent” and “doormat”), I like to think that I am “creating silence” by not reaching out to the Mountain Man – AGAIN. Because I already did so twice last week. And I didn’t hear from him all weekend. And that felt empty and like something was missing. And now I am just questioning if or how much I really like him at all…

    And I’m wondering if that’s defensive. Could that be a defensive move on the part of my heart? Could I open to surrendering to What Is, instead of trying to make a decision about it? Hm, Okay…

    He hasn’t called me or texted me. That could mean anything. But all it really means is he hasn’t called me or texted me. That’s pretty much it.



  188.  #188Radiant Rising on June 4, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    Hi Tereana,

    I enjoyed reading your post as well as EMK’s on the other thread. To me I didn’t get that he was saying every single guy has to wait 2 to 3 years before deciding, but that tends to be the standard number that he experiences with how men tend to think. Many other coaches I’ve read say something similar about a guys’ wait time (the exact numbers vary but the estimate is close). However I do agree too with the same coaches that if/when a man sees what he wants that number can go right out the window. Because, attraction does not care about logic and really, doesn’t thrive on it either.

    It does seem like EMK follows the understanding that if you marry too fast that is a mistake. I don’t fully agree but I do see why he feels that way. Having said all that I do relate to you that some guys just know. My guy was discussing marriage and family just after our first meeting (still does) and it is me who has to slow him down just a tad! I’ve always been more of a slow, cautious movers. The men I’ve encountered, be them friends or more, have been more leap of faithers, and love to try to convince me to take that leap with them. I’m not complaining, it’s a great feeling to see men who love the idea of falling in love and go for the whole package. 🙂

    As for CDing, I feel neutral. I get Rori and I get Evan and I really got you in your post! All options are available for all our stages of development and I like hearing different sides to the view.

    I appreciate EMK very much and I always enjoy reading his thoughts and the contemplation and discussioiranian tends to bring when he shares, and I love it when he makes an occasional surprise post. I’m the type that needs to hear different voices so for me it’s always a treat when he gives his take.



  189.  #189Lucy on June 4, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Tereana, I think sometimes Sirens misunderstand CDing… and I think EMK misunderstands it as well. It’s not meant to be as rigid as some Sirens make it.

    T-Girl, I’m glad you felt comforted by what Rori told me about exclusivity. I am happy for you about your new living arrangements! Best wishes and blessings. <3



  190.  #190Daria on June 4, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    I feel all shut down in some head blah blah

    what i really feel is all flat and numb

    talking emotionless

    and limp lethargic

    i feel sad.

    this feels sad.

    i dont want to fight like this

    this feels heartbreaking to me

    i feel really mad at beign talked to that way

    i wanan be respected to say what i say!

    i dont want to be talked to that way! 🙁

    i feel angry!

    i dont want to talk that way and i know im talking respectful and

    i require the same in return from ppl who say they’re my friend

    and even from ppl who post on this blog

    cuz damit this is a safe space for me

    not a put down daria and talk to her in an attacking way space

    feelin MAD!

    /:(

    and im sorry that i feel triggered by some posts but at the same time I RESPECT MYSELF

    and i deserve to express myself

    this probably aint no place im gonna get any compassion or well

    any respect

    and i feel pist off

    eff that

    i want to be respected

    i dont want to be talked to aggressively

    fuchk

    i feel so mad

    i feel so mad at myself for drawing and allowing this behavior into my life

    i feel confused

    i wouldnt want anyone commenting about how they’re triggered by my posts

    🙁

    like oh that feels triggering that feeels bad

    but if it does feel bad then it does feel bad!

    and it feels bad

    and you know waht

    i dotn have to justify it

    i know this is not a peaceful loving way to be talked to

    and i dont have to engage w someone talking to me in ways that feel bad

    and i dont trust any posts right now, and dont want to read them

    ad i feel pist and vulnerable and dont want to be feeling punched in the heart anymore

    i feel MAD@

    !

    this feels bad!

    i want to take this out on somebody and i dont want to do that

    i dont know what to do with this energy

    this feels uncomfortable

    UMFFF



  191.  #191Lucy on June 4, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Radiant Rising – That has been my experience too – the man being ready before I am. And among my friends and family, none of them have felt the need for an EMK timetable – and many of them have been happily married for many many years.



  192.  #192Radiant Rising on June 4, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Lucy,

    I agree with you I don’t think CDing is as rigid as it is sometimes made to be either. I think maybe that’s why EMK possiy misunderstands it too? Or maybe not lol. I know Jonathan Asaley (did I spell it correctly) also use to be for CDing, but not anymore as his primal, gut level instincts kicked in coming from being in a LTR.



  193.  #193Tereana on June 4, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    I remember that the last text me sent me was wishing me good night, with a smiley face. : ) He had told me he was thinking about me “all the time.” Maybe he still is. By creating silence, I create more mystery…

    Sherry Argov talks about when we make it “too easy” for a guy – i.e. tell him we want to be exclusive before he’s ready, pretend to be in a “relationship” before he’s decided he wants to be with us, that kind of thing. She says it’s like instead of letting the guy go out hunting, we drop a dead moose on his doorstep. But the guy doesn’t want a dead moose. He wants to HUNT, and have the satisfaction of getting HIS moose. If we get it for him, it’s not his.

    So I’m worried that I do this often without realizing it. not all the time. but at a certain point, when I like a guy, maybe I do.

    I feel vaguely worried that I might have done this with Mx2 (Mountain Man). But no…that’s not really ringing true. I did seek him out to tell him that I liked him. But that was it. I didn’t say anything about a relationship. Even if I DO like him, nothing is a done deal. I don’t belong to him, and I don’t assume he belongs to me. That’s exactly why I am leaving him alone for now…Yes. That is the truth.

    And also, I really need to question how much I like him! Who is He?? for that matter, who am I??? I still keep finding inner work that I need to do on myself. How great, that I have this special time all by myself to do this? Pretty cool! : ) So when the awesome guy for me shows up, i will be so super ready! Yay!

    I wonder what other cool things he has to share with me? I wonder how he is going to test me to open my heart, more and further, and become uncomfortable, but to be there with me while I do it? Wow, that sounds super scary and sexy and wild and liberating and exciting and great and Wow. Yes. Okay, I can’t wait. I feel excited. 🙂

    ~~~

    This past weekend, I was at a friend’s housewarming party, and I was one of only two single women at the party. The rest were all young married couples – all in their 20s from what I could tell, and all Indian. Lol. (Except me and the other single white girl, lololol). And they were all sooooo attractive!! One guy was so hot, and he was there without his wife – but they were just married in February! Bummer!!!

    They were all soooo nice, and seemed sooo happy. It was great to be with them. By comparison, my Mountain Man Punjabi Sikh guy seemed wild and untamed, and like his energy probably wouldn’t even fit in that room. He needs a big mountain for his energy, because he has so much of it. Could I contain it? Am I really for him? I have no idea.

    That is why we have this process of inquiry.

    I think my friend Z is my soulmate. I really think she is. But I don’t want to marry her. She lives on the other side of the world, and is already married and has a cute baby. I don’t feel jealous, except I want to be married and have a cute baby that I feel proud of! I just want to appreciate her.

    Hey, this is cool. Maybe if she is my “soul mate” then I don’t have to find a “soul mate” who’s a guy! I can just find a guy who is a “mate”! A body-mate. A Love-mate. An Awesome-mate. A man who joins me in my travels and in my life, who gives me what I want, and pleases me all the time, every day. Who wants to have children with me, and care for me, and brings me laughter and love and holding hands, and caring and kisses and joy. I love that idea. Ooh…I’m going to go to bed with that.

    Sorry I haven’t responded to most of your posts and just spewing about myself. I’ve had a long, tiring day, and I have to get up for an even longer day tomorrow! But I’m trying to keep up as much as I can by reading on my phone, even though that’s pretty inefficient.

    Good day, ladies. I feel awesome. And that’s what’s really important!! 🙂



  194.  #194Radiant Rising on June 5, 2012 at 12:06 am

    Hi Lucy,

    That is very cool (about your family members being married for years and years). No one can understand that phenomenon better than I coming from an arranged marriage culture. My mum and dad didn’t meet till their wedding night. He passed away suddenly a few months shy of their 29th anniversary. Of course the mind set they were taught with was more about chemistry being not the highest priority in a relationship, and in a way I can see Rori and EMK in particular focusing on that part as well. That chemistry is only one aspect but should not be the biggest aspect.



  195.  #195Radiant Rising on June 5, 2012 at 12:08 am

    And to clarify my last sentence, I am not saying chemistry should or should not be anything…I was just relaying what I think Rori and Evan teach as a commonality. It is late! Good night sirens. 🙂



  196.  #196Lucy on June 5, 2012 at 12:11 am

    Radiant Rising – Well, there is a connection between those two male coaches, and I’m sure that’s part of the change. Also, again, I don’t think Jonathon really understands it either. And yes, I do think it’s partly because some women use it rigidly. And the coaches don’t realize that it’s really meant for certain situations and not for others.



  197.  #197Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 2:37 am

    Good morning, Sirens, goddesses, and princesses!

    Off to my second day of work! I was exhausted and slept soundly. And Rori’s Love Forever Teleclass is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  198.  #198Lizka on June 5, 2012 at 3:37 am

    Thank you Lili, Emerson and Starla for your hugs and kind words to me last night. I ended up falling asleep and I just read them.

    Thank you Emerson for your advices and script suggestion. I am sorry you are feeling down about your CDs too… 🙁

    (((((EMERSON))))))

    (((((STARLA)))))

    (((((LILI)))))



  199.  #199Lizka on June 5, 2012 at 3:45 am

    I think I might “forget” my phone in my car today so I don’t obsess over ATW texting me or not today and I can focus on my work…



  200.  #200Emoticon on June 5, 2012 at 4:19 am

    i feel tired and unwilling to go to work….



  201.  #201LiliBee on June 5, 2012 at 4:25 am

    I’m enjoying my last morning of coffea and cigarettes.

    It would make me feel so good to be free of that ball and chain.

    I want to be at my healthiest possible.



  202.  #202LiliBee on June 5, 2012 at 4:26 am

    199:

    That’s a great idea Lizka.

    Have a great productive day!



  203.  #203Lizka on June 5, 2012 at 4:51 am

    Lol it feels scary to leave my phone in the car all day…



  204.  #204Lizka on June 5, 2012 at 4:56 am

    … but I’ll do it… I think?



  205.  #205Rebecca on June 5, 2012 at 5:13 am

    Just went for a 5 mile jog.. It killed me but I did it! Yay me!!! Why am I always so hard on myself!



  206.  #206Lizka on June 5, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Oh, I was about to put my phone in my car’s trunck and I got a long long messages with apologizes from ATW! Did he felt it?



  207.  #207Starla on June 5, 2012 at 5:22 am

    arrow, i’m not actually sure which post of mine you’re talking about?? maybe you’re referring to one that stayed in moderation all day long?

    but no matter:) i really want to drop it. i have absolutely no desire to talk about or to daria.



  208.  #208Starla on June 5, 2012 at 5:27 am

    i feel so happy to report that CF was not the first thing i thought of this morning:) i thought of getting to the gym and how much i did not want to get out of bed.

    i feel hateful toward the lingering feelings for CF and I want to just be free and done with it already. If I had my way, I’d sleep all day. Alas, there is a buuuuuuunch of work to do at the office.

    I really need to go to bed a lot earlier but I can’t seem to get my body to fall asleep before midnight or so.



  209.  #209Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 5:30 am

    Rebecca I encourage you to write more and look at the words you automatically systematically choose as a kind of window to your insides.

    Remember thoughts creates things. Words create your life.

    “It killed me” is not a true statement and in my humble opinion not a good expression to choose. Unless you are intentionally choosing to slowly killing yourself.

    As stupid as this might seem right now, doing that might help to build your awareness and change some patterns.



  210.  #210Starla on June 5, 2012 at 5:30 am

    5 miles, rebecca? wow that is really far!! i don’t even run 5 miles. You’re a killer:P



  211.  #211Francesca on June 5, 2012 at 5:39 am

    I just discovered that coconut milk doesn’t agree with my stomach.

    It makes me feel weird and crampy and I keep burping.

    It’s a shame because I love the taste of it and I still have half a can left.

    I don’t want to throw it out, I hate wasting food!



  212.  #212Brandylion on June 5, 2012 at 5:49 am

    Rebecca, I’ve been in your shoes vis a vis unhappy with weight within the last couple of years. The key things for me were finding physical activities that I really enjoyed doing so it didn’t feel so burdensome to take the time to do them and reminding myself that behavior affects attitude–treating myself as if I loved myself has, in fact, created a genuine love and compassion for myself that wasn’t there.

    I’m almost 55 lbs lighter than I was three years ago, and I was about 10 lbs lighter than this last summer. I still have physical changes I’d like to manifest, but by keeping relatively good eating habits and regular physical activity, I feel so much better about myself and the possibilities for my life (my love life, especially) than I did before!

    I wish you the best of luck in making these changes; I know how hard it is!



  213.  #213Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 5:49 am

    Hi Sunshine. Reading your processing about purpose, passion, cdating and careers feels a bit heavy, heady and draining to me. I don’t want to come across as critical but I was just wondering if it is possible to tell yourself that it is easy breezy effortless and just try it on for size. You just never know.



  214.  #214Starla on June 5, 2012 at 5:54 am

    i just caught myself going through the motions of life and healing but not actually being present or all that aware of it.

    i intend to meditate tonight and slow down a bit. Maybe no second workout for the day. (((((((((starla)))))))))



  215.  #215Rebecca on June 5, 2012 at 5:58 am

    I tell you what this website sometimes freaks
    me out. I don’t know if its me but I feel like I am living in another world to everyone else. I find terms like ‘booty call’ so degrading – especially this term seems to be used against women – and I feel REALLY protective of women. Something these days just doesn’t ring true to me.

    I feel so lost in this world. Men and women – they can’t be that different surely? I don’t get it? I don’t get this obsession with phrases like ‘he’s just not into you’ etc… Where is the compassion? Where is the love?

    I just feel like I am living in another world to everyone else when it comes to men? I feel so out of the loop…. Why is everything so complicated these days? Why are men so difficult to communicate with?

    This whole friends with benefits thing freaks me out. I don’t get it. In my day if a bloke made a move on you – then you deduced from that that he liked you. Dead easy. Now it seems sooooo difficult.

    I myself had experienced nothing like it until I was 30. Up until that point I had always had really good, positive, loving relationships. I met a man who seemed to fancy the arse off me … But didn’t want a relationship with me. I did not get it. In my world that just did not happen.

    Even now when I read about girls in these FWB situations I sort of double take??? I really, really don’t get it.

    It seems like a HUGE modern phenomenan and all I see is lots and lots of women really hurting. And it tears me apart. I can’t bare it.

    Sex and love – they can’t be that far apart or he would not want to be physically intimate with you. I mean what is the point??

    I feel so sorry for women, and myself included. How has life got so difficult for us?

    When I was in this situation with my guy – a so-called friend said to me – ooh if I had a penny for every woman that threw herself at a man – yikes!! Who speaks like that to a fellow woman – where was her compassion – where was her love? When did women seem to get so against each other.

    Something has triggered me today and I feel really sad for women. Apparently we are all so weak and helpless to men…

    ((((((women))))))



  216.  #216Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 6:00 am

    Francesca I don’t know. The canned stuff is so different from the real one. Could it be the preservatives that you are reacting to. Real coconut is so different from what comes in the can.



  217.  #217Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 6:02 am

    Rebecca this “Apparently we are all so weak and helpless to men…” is so not true.

    Also you have not met all men so this is a generalization.



  218.  #218Rebecca on June 5, 2012 at 6:06 am

    Femininewoman – I get where you are coming from – I am just so frustrsted with myself because I feel my body is letting ne down. Again it is part of the viscious circle.

    I struggle… Then I feel I have failed… Then I give up… Then I go back to it again – then I struggle… Then I feel like I have failed and so on….

    Do you get where I am coming from? But I do agree about wording choice…



  219.  #219Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Starla you responded to Rori, and I admit I might be missing something but I am wondering how you figured out what she was referring to. I thought it was about the guy texting you.

    Or was it about the comments that went into moderation?



  220.  #220Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 6:13 am

    I get it Rebecca and am wondering if Gay Hendricks stuff on conscious living might help you. I borrowed his books from the library and learned a lot about commitment and setting intentions. Maybe the Big Leap could help you get a sense of how to break your cycles.

    These words – challenge, struggle, failure – might just have been programmed into your psyche. You can rewire your brain by replacing some of these words and constantly repeating them even when your mind tells you you are lying to yourself. Your brain will eventually get it. It happened for me. When your brain gets it your vibe changes.



  221.  #221Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 6:24 am

    ((((((((((((((((Linda)))))))))))))))))

    Thanks for sharing your story.



  222.  #222Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 6:28 am

    ReceivingGirl “He literally was thinking of me all the time and now I feel he’s not even interested in talking to me”

    This is not a feeling. It is a judgemental opinion. You are not in his heart and thoughts to kinow that for sure. Women bond through talking. Men don’t. They do things together like sports and tease to bond. Some men use the phone for business, logistical things. He might not be a phone person. I encourage you to find something to make yourself happy while you are away so you can take your focus off him.



  223.  #223ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 6:33 am

    I need help with a FM. Mr. Observant didn’t respond to me at all yesterday. I’m feeling concerned, curious uncomfortable, sad and uncertain because he always talked to me in great detail and now he isn’t. I need to express this to him. In FMs is it ok to refer to him without saying you?

    For example, “I felt happy & excited the guy I started dating was a great communicator. I’m feeling a little sad, uncomfortable, and uncertain his communication has changed. I feel curious and concerned. What do you think?”

    It’s probably too much.



  224.  #224ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 6:39 am

    FW thanks.

    My focus hasn’t been on him completely, but it bothers me. I leave for home today. From what I can tell, he is a phone person. He’s talked to me for hours on the phone. He called me 4 times the night before I left. His friend called him when we were on our date because he’s going through a bad divorce. He was talking with his friend, when his friend said, “are you going to give advice or just listen?” So, he stopped talking, put the phone on mute and just let his friend talk.



  225.  #225ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 6:43 am

    FW – I’m not sure how it is a judgmental opinion. It’s not coming from my head.



  226.  #226Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 6:53 am

    RE 225 RG it is focussed on his behavior. Your feelings would be sad, angry, glad, happy, lonely



  227.  #227Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Even lonely I question myself whether it is a feeling.

    If you miss his energy, attention and phone calls maybe share that you are just a girl and without these things you feel turned off and you don’t like to feel that way with you though at the same time you don’t want to pressure him.

    Maybe you had started getting used to his time and attention and it made you feel so lit up. As you are just a girl without these things your light is now feeling dimmed down. Just some thoughts…….
    Mel I consider the resident expert on these fms.



  228.  #228Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:00 am

    RE 224 Also consider that he might do the extended phone thing because he realizes you like it and he wants to make you happy. This away time and the pining could be used to learn something about oneself. Have you considered where you have set his pedestal in comparison to yours?



  229.  #229Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:01 am

    I believe attention is one of the most important gifts a woman can give to a man.



  230.  #230ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 7:01 am

    185: Tereana

    Thank you for posting this. I have trouble with this too because I do feel bad and I don’t want to.



  231.  #231ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 7:04 am

    FW “Have you considered where you have set his pedestal in comparison to yours?”

    I don’t understand this question.



  232.  #232ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 7:05 am

    FW “Have you considered where you have set his pedestal in comparison to yours?”

    I don’t understand this question. Do you mean in comparison to where he has set my pedestal?



  233.  #233ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 7:08 am

    @226 FW

    I am feeling sad, not liked and forgotten about.



  234.  #234Emerson on June 5, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Lizka wow that is amazing that you were about to put your phone in the car and the messages appeared! Amazing. I feel inspired reading this.

    I’m trying to refocus my outlook today toward my CDs. I tend to be negative sometimes and feel frustrated that they are not moving fast enough for me or meeting my needs….but I can flip it and say wow these guys wanted to talk to me or see me they just cannot seem to figure out the logistics.



  235.  #235ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 7:16 am

    @227 FW

    Yes, I was getting used to his attention and his enthusiasm surrounding me. He was very curious, always wanting to know more about me. He asked tons of questions and wanted to talk all the time. He read my POF profile & FB over and over and would ask me questions about it. He didn’t hide that he was internet stalking me 🙂

    He asked me questions about my past relationships, about me and how I am as a person, how I react to things, etc. We talked more over the past month than I’ve talked to anyone, probably ever. And, it wasn’t superficial, it was real stuff. I felt I could be myself completely. I love feeling that comfortable with him. He didn’t judge me ever.

    He said, “Gosh, you are just so nice.” as if he was completely impressed. I miss feeling connected with him. I feel disconnected and I don’t like it. I want to feel connected.



  236.  #236Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:22 am

    I enjoyed the time we shared and I felt I could be myself completely. I love feeling that comfortable. I miss feeling connected. I feel disconnected and I don’t like it. I want to feel connected.

    RG this seems to be your feeling message.



  237.  #237Emerson on June 5, 2012 at 7:23 am

    And that’s not the end of the world…that the details of meeting have not been worked out. And if they don’t text me or call me then so be it.

    I am feeling curious about NewCD right now though. But he asked to meet me at 6 am for breakfast and it would be our first date…I cannot get up and ready for a “date” that early. He seemed disappointed but I have not heard back from him.

    Also OrangeCrush is funny he texts me and asks if he can call me 🙂 lol ….he is not working but on the verge of a new job so maybe he’s not in a position to take me on a proper date and is waiting…but still we could just meet for coffee??

    ((men)) ((cds))



  238.  #238Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Pedestal – picture the two of you on pedestals like in olympic atheletes receiving medals. Now raise the one you are standing on several feet above his and imagine him looking at you with pride and adoration.



  239.  #239Francesca on June 5, 2012 at 7:32 am

    FW @216

    Thanks, possibly the preservatives are not agreeing with me.

    I threw out the can now so I can’t check what’s in it exactly but I checked it out when I bought it and I don’t remember reading that there were too many additives or preservatives in it.

    The first brand I bought didn’t do that.

    I felt fine drinking it, no after effects.

    I will go back to that brand, I guess.



  240.  #240April Rose on June 5, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I have just returned from my very first ever blind date, with a man who wrote to me on OKCupid.

    I did not know what to expect. I knew only that I was going to meet a fellow human and that his voice on the telephone sounded clear and strong.

    We agreed to meet outside a shoe shop in a small town 15 miles from where I live!

    I was there first (he called to say he’d be delayed ten minutes). I sat on a bench feeling the sensations of the morning sunshine warming me through my clothes.

    A large, polished car pulled up suddenly and out jumped a smiling man with a little bit of grey hair on an otherwise bald head.

    My first feeling – shock!
    (thought – He’s old enough to be my Dad.)

    Second feeling – relief.
    (thought – he looks friendly and kind.)

    Third feeling – warmth.
    (thought – this date is for healing and finding out more about me and what kind of man I have attracted here today)

    Now I have written that, I feel curious as to whether the thoughts or the feelings came first. I actually think the feelings were a response to the thoughts….. hmmm…



  241.  #241ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 7:36 am

    @236 FW that’s exactly how I am feeling.

    Regarding the pedestal, I felt that way prior to Sat.



  242.  #242ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Is it good to send that FM or better to wait it out and see what happens? I planned on either texting or calling to say I was home later today.



  243.  #243Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Francesca I just don’t like canned foods. I only use canned coconut milk once in a while when I bake. I am curious about the purpose you use it for.



  244.  #244Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:44 am

    RG I would not text. Give him a chance to show you who he is. Also your text could be experienced as overbearing. Did he ask you to contact him?

    For some reason I am thinking he will react like a happy puppy dog who has missed his master when you reconnect. If your vibe is not negative that is. It would be great if you could just drop this need to control and try to remain open to being surprised.



  245.  #245Francesca on June 5, 2012 at 7:46 am

    FW, I put about 1/4 cup in my morning cereals after my workout.

    For energy and good fat.



  246.  #246Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:46 am

    RG how about just noticing those feelings and just sinking into them for now? Then thank for higher self for making you aware of how you work.



  247.  #247Francesca on June 5, 2012 at 7:47 am

    April Rose, how was the date as a whole?



  248.  #248April Rose on June 5, 2012 at 7:51 am

    What then followed was amongst the most enjoyable times I have ever spent in a man’s company. I feel surprised at what I discovered about myself in his presence.

    Feeling my feelings and speaking those feelings felt like water running down a mountainside – effortless and flowing. At one point I doubted and questioned myself. Was I being too feelingy?

    He seemed to be enjoying my company too. I sized him up quickly and decided that he was a very masculine man, he’d built his own house, had grown-up children from a 30-year marriage, was interesting to listen to, he asked me lots of questions. We laughed together.

    I saw my own dreaminess reflected in many of my answers. I saw that dreaminess as a polarity to his earthiness – he owns a construction company, he owns a lot of motorbikes, he knows where he is in his life.

    Yet we were both able to wonder at the mysterious nature of whatever brought us together one morning in June to drink tea in the sunshine….



  249.  #249Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I see. Francesca I have never done that. I was shocked recently when watching a TV program, maybe Montel Williams, where they recommended using it in smoothies. I tend to use real coconuts.



  250.  #250Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:55 am

    “I saw that dreaminess as a polarity to his earthiness”

    Wow April Rose. Sounds to like good ingredients to create a true masculine/feminine bubble.



  251.  #251Sassy on June 5, 2012 at 7:56 am

    FW, thank you for responding to Rebecca about “thoughts become things”, etc. that was exactly what I was going to address her with…
    Rebecca, I want you to feel you can say whatever is on your mind here, but, I believe strongly in the Law of Attraction.
    Your thoughts become your destiny, and the more negative thinking you allow yourself to have, the more negative thoughts you invite in. Does that resonate with you at all?
    For every negative thought or feeling you have about your weight or women or relationships, maybe try to think of two or three positive, good, happy thoughts and picture them in your mind.
    We are all on our journeys, some of us are farther than others, some of us have to keep pushing forward and some are just observing. None of us are “wrong”, just learning.



  252.  #252April Rose on June 5, 2012 at 7:56 am

    If this is the quality of man that is showing up for me in my life right now, then I feel delighted.

    The men we attract reflects our inner boy – I’m sure I heard this on a teleclass recording…. anyone else hear something similar?



  253.  #253Francesca on June 5, 2012 at 7:58 am

    FW, I would like to use real coconuts but the problem is to get them opened…I don’t even own a hammer :/



  254.  #254Francesca on June 5, 2012 at 7:59 am

    April Rose, sounds like a good date! 🙂



  255.  #255Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 7:59 am

    April Rose something similar is in Modern Siren, is what I remember.



  256.  #256Sunshine on June 5, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Good Morning Everyone:p
    EMOTICON
    I live in NYC too! Im not on the facebook group but i can temporarily add if thats a solution so you can ask me I feel curious to know…I also feel paranoid to give my email on here lol wouldnt want any man or anyone i know, knowing its me (like the odds of that are ridiculously slim) but still ….. anyway Ill check the fbook group right now…



  257.  #257April Rose on June 5, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Yes, Francesca, it was a good date.

    Thing is, I decided in advance that whatever happened it would be a good date. I knew that all I had to do was to show up at the agreed place and time, and it would be a guaranteed healing experience.



  258.  #258April Rose on June 5, 2012 at 8:10 am

    I was aware of how present I was. Feeling my way in each moment. Open and awake.

    I intend to be just as present with my chosen man even after twenty years of marriage!!

    I feel vulnerable writing that.



  259.  #259Emerson on June 5, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Are there two sirens named sunshine? 🙂



  260.  #260Tam on June 5, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Well, actually, after receiving this message from Mr Unavailable signed with ‘your plutonic friend’, which I suppose was supposed to read ‘your platonic friend’ and in which he enquired about my weekend (as he had spied on my fb page and knew I had been dating), I answered. After a day or so. I am not sure if I feel happy with what I answered, but part of me doesn’t really care. I just said that I was not the one who wanted to be platonic but that I felt that I did not want to be intimate with him as I picked up on all this ambivalence and that I wanted to feel wanted, and in any case I am on the opposite side of the world and it’s all water under the bridge.
    I also said that I did not really feel our friendship should continue as I feel sad about being away from Fl, and sad about the way things turned out with us, and that I ended up in Germany all alone once again. I told him that emotionally I do not feel safe with this push and pull and am going to refocus on the things that are coming into my life now as opposed to running after missed opportunities, and that includes work and men likewise. I felt that I was fighting too hard and chasing things and I feel exhausted and with no more to give.
    And then I signed off. Too much info I guess and I don’t even want an answer. I know he will reply asap, but in fact, I might not even read it as genuinely I do not feel really interested in what he has to say. I was authentic, as I really feel that life should be easier than me chasing after pipe dreams work wise, living situation wise ans also men wise…I am going to lean back in all of those areas for a bit and let my boy energy rest. It is exhausted for a bit.
    I am going to date them who come to me and I am going to grab opportunities that present themselves (and yes, I have applied for lots of jobs and done my boy bit). So there!!
    Guess I am a bit angry at how things turned out….but anger has good things too, it tends to propel me forward. Onwards and upwards..plutonic, hah. Too right. Toxic!! 🙂



  261.  #261Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:25 am

    I can’t get CF out of my head:(



  262.  #262Tam on June 5, 2012 at 8:30 am

    has it ever happened to any of you that your CD’s turned needy and annoying? I had one on a dating website, who was a little older than me, academic etc, I thought he had his sh** together, and then once I did not write back to him for 2 days (I was busy lol), and re sent me this whole email saying:

    ‘oh guess I knew I would be too old for you, am not in great shape and you are so young and nice looking, guess I should have known that you would drop me, who was I fooling’

    and I had something similar from another guy also, almost exactly the same. It really triggered me too, as I had not even met them, how can they be so demanding?? Yikes. And then I thought about us and how we process the ‘silences’, well, I would never ever write that kind of stuff to a man who was silent for two days. Especially if I hadn’t met him yet, I’d just contact others…even pre-Rori. I am totally put off by those two needy fellas now and don’t even want to meet them as I think they have issues….

    hehe



  263.  #263Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Tam, yes, all the dang time. annoying. grr. Alaska texted me, emailed me, and showed up to my office within a span of 6 hours of me not responding (it wasn’t urgent). eff that. i don’t see him anymore.



  264.  #264Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:40 am

    ohhh dear i feel sooooooo sad today. that’s okay. i am going to bask in the sadness. and when i get home all i’m going to do is my dishes and eat some dinner and then spend the evening in bed or lying on the sofa relaxing and falling asleep.

    one draw back to not consuming pot anymore is not being able to drift off to sleep at a reasonable hour. I’m on 4 hours of sleep a night right now. grumble. it will pass, though:) and quicker than any other symptom of giving up a habit. hooray for relatively safe, non-toxic pot. when i quit coffee, I had a headache for 18 days, lol.



  265.  #265Tam on June 5, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Yep, Starla, I can’t handle the guilt trips either, they are so non-masculine…like begging for my time and making me feel guilty because I don’t have time to write emails every five minutes. Urgh. Right old turn-off!!!



  266.  #266Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:43 am

    FW, you might be right about Rori referring to something else. I am sooo bad at assuming the wrong unspecified antecedent. I do it at least once a week. I was in moderation (#50) until she posted that, though, so maybe I actually assumed right this time, hehe.



  267.  #267ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Thank you FW. I know you are right. I get all caught up in my feelings and wanting things to be how I want them to be. Control, yes. I will text him to let him know I’m home. I was pissed when BoatGuy didn’t do that for me when he returned from vacation.



  268.  #268Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Tam, I actually saw serious insecurity red flags early on from Alaska, and used feeling messages to say how I feel when I notice them, and he denied them. I didn’t like that because it kind of meant that I was therefore imagining things. And I wasn’t. And furthermore, why would you want to date a girl who imagines things like that? It’s just crazy making. No thank you:).



  269.  #269lk on June 5, 2012 at 8:50 am

    good morning, ladies !!

    i feel good today & glad & also i feel straight-up Terror!

    last night i was telling cd (For the 1000th time) that i felt so afraid of him wanting other women or pursuing other women & he doesn’t mind talking to me about it & he is so sweet & gentle with me…. & then today i just googled ocd & trust issues & i’m feeling mad that my brain is so silly & feeling curious because i don’t want to think of myself as “injured” or “defective” or “sick”…. yet, i do want to be “healed” ? questions abound. & i am feeling better about it & i do believe it’s all getting “better” & i kind of want to go to therapy, but i kind of don’t. i feel i already know “the drill” for my brand of “fxcked up” lol



  270.  #270Sunshine on June 5, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Hi EMERSON, umm lol hope not! I used to be Nita a while back and then changed to sunshine.



  271.  #271Tam on June 5, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Hm. Interesting concept. It just occurred to me that those red flags do show up pretty early on. When I choose to ignore them, and give men the ‘benefit of the doubt’, it always ends up biting me in the backside. This is totally true. I think intuition is a good thing, perhaps I should start listening to it more, ha!!!
    Often men volunteer a lot of info in the first two dates and I think sometimes it’s good to listen to it…must pay more attention.
    Luckily the baldCD guy has no red flags, he is just quiet and calm and easy going, shame I really don’t fancy him, oh well. Practice 🙂



  272.  #272lk on June 5, 2012 at 8:57 am

    & i felt really amazed by Dominique’s wisdom… because before she had been “talking to me” about men & how men view “other women” & cd was saying almost exactly the same things… & he was smiling at me too : ))) & i was just saying, i can’t tell you how much i like to talk to you because you make me feel so good & it’s confusing when i start to feel bad & thank you for not being angry when the bad feelings come out of no where & thank you for not asking me to just make them go away….& thank you for talking to me for as long as i want & i do feel better & better & i feel scared but i feel good.



  273.  #273Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:58 am

    My feelings about a man’s insecurity/feelings are usually pretty right. I am going to remember this. I remember when I was dating CF I always used to know deep down that he was actually just madly in love with me but too scared to say anything, but I never entertained it as truth because I didn’t want to just be totally delusional. I am imagining how my own life/emotional responses would have felt easier if I had trusted the sense I got in my heart and took a few more risks in putting my walls down so he could too.

    Of course, he was reallllly non-communicative in general, even when asked directly at times (sometimes he would even say the opposite of what he feels because he didn’t want to seem crazy!), so this was an issue. But I am seeing how I can at least heal this for me, on my side.

    I intend to drop my walls.

    (((((((((walls)))))))))))



  274.  #274Starla on June 5, 2012 at 9:02 am

    (((((((((lk)))))))))
    ((((((((((cd)))))))))



  275.  #275lk on June 5, 2012 at 9:02 am

    ooh i feel scared of the blog too. feels like “reassurance-seeking behaviour” & i don’t need to be reassured. there is nothing to worry about. there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way. ok, bye! hope everyone has nice days & special, surprising things happen : )))))))



  276.  #276Brandylion on June 5, 2012 at 9:02 am

    I feel confused what was meant by “some sirens take CDing too rigidly” (not really a quote, but I can’t remember who wrote it) and that it’s meant for some situations and not for others.

    Can you (original author or others) clarify? I see the value in not jumping right into a relationship, but I am having a hard time imagining myself getting to the point of getting engaged to one man when I’m still seeing others…



  277.  #277Mel on June 5, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Tereana,

    Re: CDing, EMK (time frame) etc.

    I feel that when getting to know a man, I am under no obligation to advise him I am dating others. Casual dating implies just that. Casual. Most men (I think) have no problem accepting this and many operate the same way. Dating lots of different people casually is fun and teaches you lots of things about yourself, what’s important to you, and what you are looking for in a relationship.

    For me, as soon as ‘sex’ comes up, this is when I say that I don’t feel comfortable with casual sex. Sex is something that makes me feel bonded and connected and I need to feel respect and trust for my partner. I don’t want to treat sex lightly, and I require that my partner feels the same way. I am happy to continue to date casually with no pressure, but I don’t want to have sex with someone that may be seeing other people.

    At this point, Mr A stepped up and said that he had no interest in dating others, and that I could take all the time I needed (I did) to feel ready. That he would be exclusive to ME, but that I could do whatever I wanted. 🙂

    He began to fill up my schedule with date requests, such that the other CDs just naturally and organically fell away. I didn’t ever purposefully stop CDing… it’s funny that he just made them all disappear and new ones didn’t replace them.

    I no longer feel comfortable CDing in the true sense. I feel that would be disrespectful. We are not ‘engaged’ and there is no ‘ring’ (this isn’t even what I want anyways), but to give this relationship a chance to blossom, exclusivity felt right to me.

    Now, if things ever felt bad or he was second-guessing, or not ‘sure’, I would not hesitate to get back on my horse. I think somehow the pureresolve in those words can be felt by him.

    We’ve chosen a move-in date. I feel uber excited. 🙂



  278.  #278lk on June 5, 2012 at 9:05 am

    thanks, starla !

    yeah, hugs to me & the big swirling hole of OCD that i hold in my body. i don’t mind it. it’s fun & full of “inspiration” – even if the glitter is mixed with rat poison LOL



  279.  #279Tam on June 5, 2012 at 9:07 am

    @ Starla, yes it is possible that someone says nothing and yet is in love with you and on the other side I also went out with a guy who told me all the time how much he loved me ‘forever’, but the actions didn’t follow. Turned out he didn’t in the end, he was just more verbal. Some people can’t verbalise their feelings, my unavailable guy certainly can’t but eventually I did see that he too was in love with me, just because he did things for me that he never did for anyone else, and he always made sure I was well looked after, happy, and had everything I needed. Very nurturing. I know he does even love me now, but that does not change that he can’t commit and it’s just not good enough.
    So whatever it is, it wasn’t your fault, I am sure. Some men just get scared by emotions and they just can’t go the full hog, and perhaps they never will. Better to find out sooner than later….



  280.  #280Starla on June 5, 2012 at 9:08 am

    OCD can totally be a gift in some ways. It’s just also a curse at times, too. I don’t know a lot about how it is for you, but you may very well have a choice in how it gets “used” – gift or curse.

    You are inspiring me and I am glad everything is “working out” with CD:)



  281.  #281Tam on June 5, 2012 at 9:10 am

    I am still laughing at guy who won’t commit signing off as ‘platonic friend’, as if it was me who turned him into it…too funny. I don’t see why I should offer my body to someone who doesn’t want all of me…and he knows that….so stop complaining. Ha. (((boundaries)))
    I love boundaries, tough to do at the time but the rewards are good!!
    Miss Platonic



  282.  #282Sunshine on June 5, 2012 at 9:15 am

    MEL what you just wrote is so perfect im copy pasting it to my email! This to me is the perfect balance between CDating and exclusivity its a natural process one from the other. It makes sense to keep options open in the beginning it helps sanity, confidence, and in my personal experience from being attached prematurely. I also think that after intimacy, bonding and a man thats in love with you and you are into him, I think its a smooth transition to see just him. But, what I really like from what you said is that it was a natural change to exclusivity. It wasnt forced or some kind of a “contract.” It is the perfect balance and what I strive for. :p



  283.  #283Starla on June 5, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Tam, yeah, he made it really difficult to navigate because of his fears and commitment issues and whatnot, so true! And of course, I attracted that with my own behaviors and fears:P. It feels good to heal and to see my own part in being a source of that confused, noncomittal energy.

    I intend to let my walls down:)



  284.  #284Starla on June 5, 2012 at 9:18 am

    yay Mel, I get so jealous when I read your posts. Which means you’re doing great 😀 <3



  285.  #285lk on June 5, 2012 at 9:19 am

    i feel really scared that this is real life…

    yesterday, i almost got arrested & then almost got fired !

    instead, i got “what i wanted”

    that feels so scary. my parents say, ” respect the laws. ” & they say, ” you’re lucky to have a job ”

    & for some reason my mule-hard skull keeps ramming into, ” whatever whatever i do what i want ”

    & i don’t even feel “disrespectful” or “destructive” about it…. so i don’t want to be “wrong” or seen as “bad” or “trouble” or “mischief” …. or even “selfish” or “entitled” !

    & i feel excited to become a better driver & to become a better employee too. but i do NOT accept that in any way a police officer is more capable of “judging” me as a safe citizen & i don’t believe my Boss is capable of judging me as a creative or efficient or cooperative or brainy person. i don’t even Believe in any of those adjectives. i’m just being alive, ok ? too confusing…



  286.  #286Starla on June 5, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Just read this on some fluffy MSNBC article, but I thought it was a nice watered-down version of what FW was saying earlier

    “5. Amp Up Your Language

    The words we use — both with others and in our thoughts — help shape our perception of the world. So try to rid your vocabulary of always and never, since they usually don’t reflect reality. And bump up any adjectives you use to their most positive form. When asked how you are, don’t respond, “Fine.” Be excited and say, “Great” or “Wonderful.” Also, when talking about your daily life, choose action verbs. Say, “I gained three new clients today,” for example, instead of stating something passively, like “My business is doing well.” Speaking more enthusiastically attracts sanguine people, and more opportunities will naturally come your way, brightening your outlook on life.”



  287.  #287ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Thank you, FW. I feel better after talking this out. He did ask me to let him know when I arrived safely coming here, so I’m thinking I will do the same going home. No, he didn’t ask me this time. He’s not been talking much. So, I just will and I’ll try really hard to just be and be surprised.

    I’m looking forward to being able to spend more time reading the blog when I get home. I missed it 🙂



  288.  #288Rebecca on June 5, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Sassy – thanks so much for your response. It’s great. I guess I am practising beinh intouch with my feelings no matter how yucku or unpositive they are. It’s not about trying to be a particular way, or saying things to please people – it’s just about honoring how I truly deep down feel. And sometimes that is plain ugly. And I love your and other sirens input. I am here to learn – that is all. But I’m always glad to receive feedback.

    Like you say about the journey – if there is no right and wrong then we can’t say or do anything wrong. I truly believe that. Hmmm… So if there is no right and wrong why does the words learning experience trigger me… ?? Lol… I feel tense thinkng about stuff like this..

    If there is no right or wrong, why do we say well done to someone when they get something right?? Lol, I am so confused.. I thought there was no right or wrong… I thought there was no judgements… Hmmm… I am confused…?!

    Have I been too negative?? I wonder?? Does being negative about yourself mean you have low self esteem? Interesting… Generally, how do men speak about themselves… Hmmmmm….. Feeling bemused… Slightly tickled…. Hmmmmm….?



  289.  #289Dominique on June 5, 2012 at 10:11 am

    #180 – Tereana answered this beautifully in #185.

    xxoo



  290.  #290Dominique on June 5, 2012 at 10:35 am

    lk – hugs and love.

    xxoo



  291.  #291Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Francesca I live in a house so I break them in an old fashioned way. I bang them on my step. I love to eat the flesh of the coconut as snacks.



  292.  #292Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Tereana you comment make a lot of sense. I just have to let it sink in. I have to admit though because of the length, I have been skipping over meaning to read them later.



  293.  #293Rebecca on June 5, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I feel scared using feeling messages and pulling people in. I can feel it working, and it scares me and I start to wobble.. These feeling messages are very powerful..

    I feel scared about drawing people in. I feel like I only know how to invite people in so far.. Very scary..



  294.  #294Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Tam there are coaches who says men give you the “lemon drops” early on because they basically have no reason to lie. They don’t know you so they can be very open on the first two dates and will tell you anything honestly if you are curious to ask such questions like
    “So why aren’t you married yet”
    “how do you feel about your job”
    “are you from a big family, do you have nieces and nephews”.

    Answers to these questions can tell a lot about a man’s values and priorities. The clincher is in being able to ask these questions out of curiosity in a feminine way rather than like in an interview looking for a possible job candidate.



  295.  #295Tam on June 5, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Thanks FW, that makes a lot of sense…wish I could ‘re-wind’ some dates…. 🙂
    I do believe the truth generally comes out sooner or later, however…but it is true that first dates are very revealing, if you listen…



  296.  #296Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Tereana I love this. You sound so light and uplighting.

    I wonder what other cool things he has to share with me? I wonder how he is going to test me to open my heart, more and further, and become uncomfortable, but to be there with me while I do it? Wow, that sounds super scary and sexy and wild and liberating and exciting and great and Wow. Yes. Okay, I can’t wait. I feel excited.



  297.  #297Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Rebecca I believe your work is around what you feel scared about. Doing that will pull you out of your comfort zone and create growth and maturity.



  298.  #298Sassy on June 5, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Hmmmm, mr silent treatment, JT, decided to “show up” yesterday. Of course there was no explanation, but that’s fine, I have my own ideas about what went on. But then, as the texting went on (again he’s back in Cal with his mom), he said something incredibly cruel. At first, I called his bluff and answered back a smart-a$$ remark, but later I said that I was just calling his bluff and that I had more class than that. He said he knew. We had a few more exchanges, and then he stopped again, and so did I.
    Right now, I’m just trying to process what he said, whether it was just an insensitive remark, or was it designed to be cruel and push me away for good. I don’t know. I’m just going to sit with this, let my feelings come and go and see what happens from here. I do know that I have no desire or urgency to engage him at this point.
    So I wonder, was all the BS I went thru over these past two weeks a message to me to finally finally, after 3 years, let him go? I feel certain that there IS a better man out there, one that will cherish, adore and respect me. Because after all this time, that’s truly what I deserve!



  299.  #299Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Lily says:
    I’ve been seeing a guy 18 years my jr. for the past 5 years. We are not exclusive. We see each other from once a month to once a week.

    He told me he loved me FIRST (I had enough brains for that one) but we don’t say it anymore.Last time was 6 months ago. 8 days ago I texted him and asked him if I could come over and make love to him the next day (not unusual)> He never answered? And I didn’t bug him again. I do know he is crazy busy. This morning I texted him Good Morning and hope he has a great day. I’m getting NO response. I won’t text again, but the cold shoulder/silence is painful. Any advice?? I’d deeply appreciate it. Thank You

    2951: Rori Raye says:
    Lily – please, please don’t get all hung up over this guy. I don’t care WHAT he said – he’s essentially your boy toy. Nothing more. A good friend, your lover. Leave it at that. Stop calling him. This is about sex and companionship, not about forever-after in the way you might be imagining. If that was going to happen, it would’ve. Sure it hurts – and that’s because you feel invested. Otherwise, you’d feel glad that you have this experience in your life so you can DATE OTHER MEN and perhaps get a relationship that’s more of what you want!- This is all part of this experience – did you see the movie Cherie? European women know all about this, and I say BRAVA to you – and get yourself a BUNCH of great men! Love, Rori



  300.  #300Starla on June 5, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I just wrote an incredibly long email reply to Rori and my NVs are going crazy.

    I felt my NVs go crazy at the gym this morning, too, when I got into a lengthy discussion about nutrition with someone there. I feel like I shouldn’t talk so much.

    But really, I don’t talk much to anyone. Just here and to my one friend.



  301.  #301Heart on June 5, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Firstly, – I love Rori Raye….she is an amazing woman. Her advice and tools are genius.

    But, I am writing here today because I am skeptical and I would like to ask some questions and voice some concerns.

    It seems to me that some of you women have been on this blog for years. Have any of you actually found The Relationship You wanted?

    Sometimes I wonder if all this is really about learning to settle for less.



  302.  #302Francesca on June 5, 2012 at 11:35 am

    FW, I like your style! 😉



  303.  #303Sunshine on June 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

    STARLA well if its about nutrition let me know! I can use all the advice i can get….I just bought a multivitamin I hope it works….tmi but is it normal to pee fluorescent green when taking a multivitamin? Any testimonies? I feel a little embarrassed asking about that but also feel brave, silly, and curious about knowing more about vitamins….I feel like laughing hahah… going to the city at the moment will get back on blog tonight:)



  304.  #304Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Sunshine I don’t know what fluorescent green is but I know the color of my urine changes with some vitamins but mostly like yellow.



  305.  #305Femininewoman on June 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Apple Cider Vinger is also good for bug bites.



  306.  #306Starla on June 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Riboflavin, a B vitamin, turns your pee neon. it’s harmless.



  307.  #307Anais on June 5, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Hi Tereana #185,
    how to react to a man not calling, I believe doing nothing is best when he never said he was going to call you and when you do hear from hi, say “it feels good to ehar your voice”. But a man who repeatedly not calling when he said he was going to is rather irritating and I’ve wanted to better handle that situation… I feel like giving the “I’m just a girl here” speech mentioned in one of Rori’s program,s if he does it ALL the time or tell him how you feel without using the words such as “you didn’t call me”…such as “When I didn’t receive a call and expected one, I felt *insert feeling here*”…which I think was demonstrated in one of Rori’s newsletters. if you say nothing each time he doesn’t follow through, he will think you’re ok with that behavior.



  308.  #308Dominique on June 5, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Or maybe he’s just not the man for you. They do tend to weed themselves out.

    xxoo



  309.  #309Brandylion on June 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Dominique, #307: Amen to that, sister! It’s unfortunate when that self-weeding occurs after being together for a while though. Man, does that hurt!

    It does get better. Time heals all wounds. 🙂



  310.  #310Starla on June 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    (((((((starla)))))))))

    sometimes I just need to eat a little something and I feel better:)

    You know what I love about myself? I will buy an overpriced $8 dollar sandwich (seriously, should be like 4 or 5 dollars, this thing!) that isn’t even that great, if it means I get to eat something. I take care of me like that:)



  311.  #311Iamabutterfly on June 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    I feel curious about an idea. Sometimes, as women, our emotions can seem “irrational” to others. But when you dig deeper, we all have reasons for why we respond to situations and words the way we do. Whether it’s due to neglect, a past of letting others control us, or simply the fact that we are still in the process of expressing our emotions in healthy and acceptable ways, we really do have “logical” reasons for why we respond the way we do.

    I feel so forgiving of myself and of other men and women, and it feels so good!

    No more feeling guilty for my “irrational” emotions!



  312.  #312Linda on June 5, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I dont like feeling how I feel today.

    I have suffered another loss in my life and I would give just about anything for that not to be true.

    I keep having these thoughts and memories that stream across my mind today that cause tears to well up in my eyes. Even though I dont want what was in my life anymore I still feel sad and just wish that things could have been different.

    I need to make a list of all the things I did not like and all the benefits of him finally being out of my life , that will surely help.

    Still it is strange to find myself with my mind in places of when I enjoyed his compay and we had a good time. Instead of focusing on how I felt most to the time which was lonely and rejected and unimportant and always feeling deep down the relationship was doomed. Like having the other shoe dangeling in front of you waiting it for it to drop all the time.

    I wish I could start again sometimes do things differently, but that would involve me leaning wayyyyy forward. Some of me wanted to but I remained a mirror instead.

    I just wish he had “wanted me” instead of all the other benefits a relationship with me afforded him. In the end it has all come to nothing for me.

    Why cant I just dwell on the things that I hated and hurt me deeply, that would make me feel so much better.

    There is a song by an artist named Gotye
    “Somebody That I Used to Know”

    Now and then I think of when we were together,
    Like when you said you felt so happy you could die,
    Told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company
    But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember.
    … You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
    like resignation to the end always the end
    so when we found that we could not make sense, well you said that we would still be friends,
    But I admit I was glad that it was over…
    But you didn’t have to cut me off
    Make out it never happened and that we were
    nothing
    And I don’t even need your love
    But you treat me like a stranger and that feel so
    rough
    You didn’t have to stoop so low
    Have your friends collect your records and then
    change your number
    I guess I dont need that though
    Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.

    Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
    But had me believing it was always something that I’d done
    And I don’t wanna live that way, reading into every word you say
    You said you could let it go and I wouldn’t catch you hung up on sombody that you used to know…

    Lots of this song fits for me. I felt resignation to the end and it makes me sad to admit that I must have become addicted to sadness and rejection and that I traded it for that instead of good things for myself…

    The truth is I dont even need his love… and he will indeed will be only somebody that I used to know.

    Linda



  313.  #313Iamabutterfly on June 5, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    I’ve been watching the Bachelorette and it’s been so fascinating viewing it as a Siren. It’s interesting how the guys cry and get dismissed shortly after. We women crave someone more “stable” than us. I was watching Arie, Emily’s obvious favorite, and the way she interacted with him on their first date.

    As with all the other guys, she grilled him about his life, past relationships, and what would make him a good father.

    Unlike the other men, he didn’t promise to go wherever Emily would go, and he wasn’t hyper nervous.

    He was very relaxed, happy and chill about HIS OWN life (how very siren-y!), and proceeded to take control by asking her about HER past relationship, right after she tried to grill him.

    The other men let her have too much power, and she doesn’t feel safe with all of this power.

    How can I help a man feel his masculine power, while staying in and feeling my feminine power?

    Feels curious and kind of fun…

    “I feel…what do you think?” makes so much sense.

    and I am LOVING this “break” from men to work on my relationship with myself!



  314.  #314Iamabutterfly on June 5, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    (((Linda)))



  315.  #315Linda on June 5, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    I feel greatly triggered but the saying “time heals all wounds”…. it doesnt !

    Or how about… sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me! What a load of “BS”!

    Words hurt and stay with you longer than physical pain and in my experience … time just allows a festoring or maybe a scab or scar to form and it wont be long and someone will come along and reopens it unless you seek out healing! The passing of time does nothing in itself.

    I think the saying should be ” Time wounds all heals” because if you live and love long enough we all get hurt.

    I have been pinned up inside for too long! Why did I do this to myself! Why

    Linda :/



  316.  #316Iamabutterfly on June 5, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    another interesting factoid about Arie: He is good with women. Why is he good with women? Because he’s been with A LOT of women!! I feel forgiving towards guys who “don’t know what they’re doing” with women. They make mistakes, because they are still learning, still getting over all the icky painful muck in their pasts, and haven’t been with as many women or have false concepts of women because of that, JUST like I am still learning, still getting over all the icky painful muck in MY past, and haven’t been with as many MEN or have false concepts of men because of that.

    Feels so good to forgive myself and men and women!!!



  317.  #317Smile on June 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Hi, I’ve been reading this blog for a few days and it seems somewhere I can get the much needed advice Im desperate for if anyone can offer me their opinion from an outside perspective I’d be very grateful.

    I’m stuck in a pattern I don’t know how to get out of in my relationship. My boyfriend became distant after he lost his job and ge moved back home. Over several months we have been going round in circles- we talk, he tells me I make him happy… We arrange to meet… He doesn’t show or has some excuse like he has to work or go somewhere… I tell him I need to rely on him turning up when he says he will… Then there is no talking for about a week… Then he finally gets in touch, we talk and everything is nice so we arrange to meet and the whole he doesn’t stick to plans happens again.

    I have told him it’s not okay for us to be on and off and I have offered my needs. He says he’s not ready for a relationship so I’ve respected that and said okay.

    My question really is I’ve told him I want to meet as I think we deserve to speak face to face not through text as it has been for 2 months now. I’ve asked him to collect his things and set my boundaries. I’ve shared what I want. But he won’t meet. He arranges to and then never turns up saying he still has feelings for me. I’m so confused. I love him and want if to work but his actions do not match his words which I am listening to more. How do I move on? We still have joint furniture and house rental deposit but he won’t meet? Or turn up when he says he will?
    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. X



  318.  #318Starla on June 5, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    “Here is your mission: First, figure out what you do
    naturally. Do you naturally attend to more of the
    negative or positive in your life? Second, compensate or overcompensate by consciously looking for things that are good. Focus your attention on things that are good. You need to tip the balance of your attention in the favor of the positive.

    Today, when you are on the street, in your car, at
    home, or at work, pay attention to the good – in fact,
    seek it out like it is a scavenger hunt. See how this
    practice changes your day.”
    -Amelie Chance



  319.  #319Starla on June 5, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    This is probably just that moment in the day where I stop feeling all wrapped up and worried in my CF thoughts, but, I don’t need to worry about if I said or did the right things or still need to. All I need to do is get myself ready for my love, and the universe will bring him to me, no matter WHO he ends up being.

    I’m asking myself if I can channel my energy away from wondering and strategizing (I’ve read like every ex-back e-book out there and still cruise Google for articles and advice, oh dear) and toward making myself more relationship-ready. Even if it’s just meditating mindfully for 5 minutes in the bathroom stall at the office when I feel wrapped up and worried about CF, this will help me practice to control my emotions even more without denying myself them, which makes me more relationship ready.

    This has been so hard, ladies. I don’t need to tell you. You watch me go over it day and day again. Mornings are rough and then in the afternoon I’ve got a “new mindset.” lol

    I feel embarrassed. Well, not embarrassed… just scared of being judged.



  320.  #320Starla on June 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I guess I don’t really believe #317 in my heart. I feel like there’s a gaping wound in my chest and that I do have some power to close it back up (with him). And I want to know what I can DO about it.

    bah humbug

    maybe in a couple more months i’ll feel completely better:)



  321.  #321Linda on June 5, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    IT should have been Time wounds all heels… sorry about the using the wrong word in my earlier triggered post….

    I am not obessing over a man and wanting him back like used to. I am not online again to date right away… I can even bare the thought of that! I actually dont even want to date anymore. I think it will be long while before even consider it. I dont want to work at this anymore really! I know there are more things to learn but I really want something to be easy for a change for me.

    I want to be fluid in speaking and being Linda thats all. I dont want to do it to attract the a man, I want to do it for me and my well being only. People always say that I am strong, my boss even told me that yesterday! Yeah I have to develop skills live that way. I have a inner little girl who just wants to be wanted and held and validated right now. I want that “safe place” we all need with a man I love and loves me back!

    I need to practice being alone.



  322.  #322Starla on June 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Linda
    “I want to be fluid in speaking and being Linda thats all. I dont want to do it to attract the a man, I want to do it for me and my well being only. People always say that I am strong, my boss even told me that yesterday! Yeah I have to develop skills live that way. I have a inner little girl who just wants to be wanted and held and validated right now. I want that “safe place” we all need with a man I love and loves me back!

    I need to practice being alone.”

    meeeeeeeeeeee too, girl. I’ve not been truly alone in 8 years.



  323.  #323Lizka on June 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Emerson

    “I’m trying to refocus my outlook today toward my CDs. I tend to be negative sometimes and feel frustrated that they are not moving fast enough for me or meeting my needs….but I can flip it and say wow these guys wanted to talk to me or see me they just cannot seem to figure out the logistics.”

    Wow I feel so inspired by this!!!

    Seems like we keep living the same kind of situations you and me! You’re like my twin sister of situations with CDs! haha

    It’s funny because I was about to write about ATW and what is happening and reading this kind of answered to my answer…



  324.  #324LobbyStar on June 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    So I have a couple questions/pleas for advice.

    Abridged Backstory: Cy and I were in a relationship over a year ago. He broke up with me, citing that he was “afraid of commitment” and he wasn’t “ready for a relationship.” He asked if we could be friends, and I told him no. I didn’t speak to him for six months.

    One day last November, I must have had a weak moment, and I texted him, asking if he wanted to hang out sometime and he said yes. I thought I could handle being just friends, because I had no hope that it could ever be more. I think I was kidding myself.

    But we made all these plans, as friends. He’s promised to come over and do some repairs on my house. We took a trip together last weekend. We are doing a triathlon in two months, and we have tentative plans to go hang gliding later this summer. Btw, we do not have sex. But when we eat out, he pays. Not sure that means anything, but thought I’d throw that out there.

    You can probably figure out that I’m developing feelings for him. Again.

    Yesterday, I got Rori’s e-newsletter and it really spoke to me and confirmed that this friendship has been counter-productive to what I want. So I’m working on following the advice laid out in that email: do the opposite of what my instincts tell me to do.

    So my questions are: Do I just get someone else to do the work on my house that he’s promised to do? I seem to recall that it’s ok to ask for help. Should I scrap the hang gliding thing?



  325.  #325Starla on June 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Lobbystar! Hey long time no see:):)



  326.  #326Brandylion on June 5, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    I have a confession to make, and I feel so silly telling you all. I told my best friend, and she thought it was cute.

    Starting while I was running the marathon, I have been fairly frequently singing to myself a Sunday school song that goes:

    This little light of mine
    I’m gonna let it shine
    This little light of mine
    I’m gonna let it shine
    Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

    I do feel more…glowy…afterward. 🙂



  327.  #327Starla on June 5, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    feeling sad, stuck at desk with no outlet except this blog.

    I am starting to think working for myself might be a better deal. I’ve done it before a few times (and still do on the side) and didn’t like it, but I feel open to it again.



  328.  #328Starla on June 5, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    324 brandylion you are so cute:D



  329.  #329LoveAlways on June 5, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Brandylion says:
    276 “I am having a hard time imagining myself getting to the point of getting engaged to one man when I’m still seeing others…”

    Depends on what you mean by seeing! Rori says in various programs (can’t remember a specific one right now) that you can CD with the guy behind the counter, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker!

    Where it stands for me now, CDing is being open and receptive to men I interact with.

    I go out on actual dates with guys and practice my tools. I interact with men in my day to day world and practice my tools on them. I meet guys on dating web sites (and facebook even) and accept dates from them. I make it a point to give a guy at least one date for me to have an opportunity to experience a connection or practice a tool. Also, it’s a gift of my time and the pleasure of my company. I don’t have to go out on another date so I’m comfortable to enjoy myself, learn and practice. Men are so interesting now.

    I have CDs who I’ve known a long time who I interact with and practice my tools on.

    I have CD song who I’m intimate with and I practice my tools with him. :p

    In my opinion, CDing is accepting all the arrows coming at you from all men.

    Let’s say you are CDing three guys and one really steps up. Do you still date the other two? Well, at some point, the guy stepping up may muscle out the other two on your time! Does that mean you stop interacting with them? Maybe. . . but in my opinion, and experience (and mind you, I’m just a sophmore siren 🙂 ), there should always be men to practice your tools on. Coffee dates, lunch, running errands together, a drink after work, brunch on a Sunday.

    I met a guy who I met coming off the train and he walked me to the supermarket trying to get my number. I considered that a chance to practice my tools (and I did give him my number).

    So, it seems to me that your approach to CDing is what is really going to gauge how you go forward with things.

    My final example – when I start to feel like leaning forward with CD song, there is always another CD who will call or text or email me and give me something good to think about and something different to feel. Some stranger will tell me I’m beautiful on my way to work and I will feel wonderful. These are the benefits of being open to interact with men – your feelings are right there like flowers for you to pick.

    I hope this helps answer your question.

    LoveAlways



  330.  #330Sassy on June 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    (((((((Starla))))))
    (((((((Linda)))))))

    Remember Team We Will Survive!!!

    We will be better, stronger, and have a bigger life and love we ever dreamed possible.



  331.  #331Starla on June 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    ((((((((sassy)))))))))



  332.  #332Francesca on June 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    LoveAlways, that’s beautiful.



  333.  #333Rori Raye on June 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Smile – just get out of this. Keep the furniture and the house deposit, move if you have to, don’t contact him unless he contacts you specifically about the furniture or his things…box up his things and you can always have a man or girl friend drop them off at his door. This is over for you. Please don’t waste another minute on this man. He said he doesn’t want a relationship. Believe him. Circular Date. I don’t care if he takes up with another girl right away – it means nothing except that he was never right for you. Stop worrying about how “closure” with this works. Forget face-to-face. Just be done with it. Love, Rori



  334.  #334Rebecca on June 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    I feel lonely. I do find it hard on my own. I wish I had someone and it was easy and I was happy – and I feel safe and secure and yet still turned on. When oh when will that happen for me or is it just a pipe dream?? I think I am too much of a romantic… Sigh…



  335.  #335Rebecca on June 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    I feel needy.. Is that un-siteny?? I wish O could change it? Do I need to harden up??



  336.  #336Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Hello Sirens,

    I have been going through a lot of really intense feelings, going from intense love in my heart for my man to really nasty intense NV’s feelings… It feels like this is a process of some sort as even though I get a lot of intense, short, spurts of NV’s bad feelings, then all of a sudden I get moments of overwhelming love emanating from my heart and body when my man comes into mind… I have never felt so loving before, yet I feel so scared.

    My father told me when I was a child that when I love a man more than anyone else, I will really feel real love. I’m terrified. After several long relationships and 2 kids, all of a sudden I feel more love for him than I have ever felt for a man before!

    Is this normal? Part of the process? I’m friggin terrified yet so happy love gooey eyed too… weird feeling!



  337.  #337Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    (((Starla))) I’m sorry you feel sad today.



  338.  #338Rebecca on June 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Also, I worry that there seems to be so few attractive men around. Gosh, I sound depressing! Lol, I wish I didn’t feel this way. Its just that years, and years of waiting for a half decent man to turn up have worn away st me and my optimism. Lol, I wish it wasn’t true and I don’t know why I feel so pessimistic. I really have no idea??! I just always have a feeling that I am never going to meet anybody.

    Sure, I meet people – but there always seems to be a connection missing. Its just not enough for me. And the men I like run out the door quicker than a bolt of lightning. It obviously must be me. I feel sad for me… Very sad…. It seems so easy for other people…



  339.  #339Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    I really like Ariella Forstein. Listening to that section of Modern Siren in my car and singing along to the drums always puts me in an amazing mood!

    I AM AMAZING!



  340.  #340Starla on June 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    ohh siren agel, i feel sad every day:P it’s okay:)):):):)

    ((((((((siren angel))))))))))



  341.  #341Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Rebecca, I am not sure how long you have been using the tools, but give it some time. The right man will respond to it!



  342.  #342Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Oh Starla, I feel for you with the situation with CF… Hugs
    I will read on and catch-up, but have you heard from him recently?



  343.  #343Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Last night we went out for dinner and although we had a really nice evening, I felt all shaky and nervous after… then I realised it was a full moon!!! Full moons always make me feel weird, what about you, have you noticed that too?



  344.  #344Lizka on June 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Siren Angel!

    I feel so happy that you feel love!! 🙂

    I know it can feel scary, and I don’t know how to help you on that. But remembered how lucky you are to feel love and that some would kill to be in your situation!!



  345.  #345Starla on June 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    nope, SA, not a word from him.



  346.  #346Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Starla,

    Remember some Sirens hear back months later from a CD/man when he starts running into masculine energy. Then he’ll think of you and he will feel compelled to contact you! Just stay the wonderful Siren that you are, focusing on you, and CD CD CD!!! (I don’t follow the CD advice personally, but do try to practice when I can on people).



  347.  #347Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    awww Lizka, thank you 🙂



  348.  #348Lizka on June 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    That’s it. I’m dreaming again…

    I’m thinking of going to Paris for one week this summer instead of staying here and spending my money on useless things…

    I was planning to go to Rome but with my new job I don’t have enough time to go 2 weeks and it’s more expensive. Paris seems to fit into my budget.

    That’s it, smile is back and I’m not thinking about ATW for a few days for sure with this new fun plan 🙂



  349.  #349mali on June 5, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I feel… relaxed. And open. And Siren-y, after an awful past week. Yay me!!



  350.  #350Starla on June 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Thanks SA:):)
    I will.



  351.  #351Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    I need to do more tools again to deal with my NV.



  352.  #352Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Rebecca,

    I relate to so much of what you say. Thank you for baring your soul. I wish you much joy and much healing.



  353.  #353Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Starla, you can imagine unzippering your heart to him while lying down, arms by your side and palms facing up. It might make you feel a little sad sometimes, but I find it also makes you feel good and calm and confident and more secure somehow.



  354.  #354T-Girl on June 5, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Siren Angel i can totally relate to how you are feeling. I dont remember ever being so in love with anyone as much as i am in love with J. I never knew this feeling even existed before.



  355.  #355Rose on June 5, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    #305 FW funny you mention it my mother told me about vinegar..I actually used the baking soda and it was really good..It helped almost instantly relieved the horrible itching..I still have a few little red bumps on my legs and arms from them, hope they go away so..if It happens I will use my apple cider vinegar see how that works..

    It was so weird it happened in LI by a lake at night, got me through my clothes…

    <3 xoxo



  356.  #356Starla on June 5, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Gonna spend the night curled up on the sofa with coconut water and greek yogurt watching a movie and reading my favorite blogs. Life is good:) It feels so good to take care of myself in this way, giving myself permission to do nothing and just get rest. It also makes me uncomfortable, because I associate “doing” things with taking care of myself.



  357.  #357Sun Goddess on June 5, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    It feels like such a long time has passed since I have posted here. I miss reading here. I’ve completely let go of LP. I gave him an opportunity to step up but he continued to be all talk. He removed himself from my fb friends. In other news, music man has stepped up big time. He told me he loved me on Sunday and that he is here to stay….and he is in constant contact and can’t seem to get enough of me.



  358.  #358Starla on June 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    Aw sun goddess, i’m happy for you:)



  359.  #359Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Heart,

    301 – I have read many, many stories of successful relationships after women have applied Rori’s tools!!!

    I will speak for myself…I have been on here two years. That is no reflection on Rori at all. That is a reflection of just how deeply damaged I was. Finding deep inner healing and reprogramming how my mind and heart speak are long processes, like peeling off layers of an onion. The length of my time on here is also a reflection of my dedication to change, and to really delve into Rori’s tools and teachings.

    She is a very deep woman, and I am taking my time to learn and digest and implement, because Rori Raye is worth it!!! I have majored in Rori Raye for three years now! She is an awesome lady!

    And she does NOT teach a woman to settle. She teaches us to not accept second class treatment. We are princesses to be treated like gold!



  360.  #360Starla on June 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Siren Angel, I am going to do that. I feel so happy you’re posting here tonight, hehe:)



  361.  #361Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Starla,

    166 – What is Rori’s post to you about?



  362.  #362Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Starla,

    136 – “f*cking chr*st”

    I feel extremely offended reading this. I don’t want people running to Rori like children tattle-taling when I talk about the Love of my life while other people (probably the same people) freely blaspheme Him.



  363.  #363Starla on June 5, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Siren Angel, I just tried your suggestion and it did make me cry like you said! After I unzippered my heart many times (was difficult at first, my head was focused on strategizing and thinking), I could tell the universe was now listening. And I asked it to please take all this worry out of my head and all this fear from me. And the universe told me this could be done, and to meditate for 5 minutes a day to make it happen.

    Then I was just crying and saying thank you and that I felt so cared for.

    Wonderful suggestion, Siren Angel.



  364.  #364Starla on June 5, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Radlove, I NEVER contacted Rori about you saying anything religious. That was someone else, honey…

    I’ll use a different expletive next time.



  365.  #365Sun Goddess on June 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Thanks Starla!



  366.  #366Starla on June 5, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    i do intend to clean up my language in general. I’m very attached to swearing, though. I am going to start with not saying “y’know” and “like” so much in my conversations:) Then maybe the swearing, hehe.

    But starting now, I’ll be more mindful not to say religiously offensive things. When I say these things, I don’t mean them as an affront to anyone’s religion, but as a meaningless (to me, I was never baptized and I’m completely non-religious, so it’s just a word to me…though I don’t say f*cking m*hammed or f*cking m*ses…though that doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue either) habit, but that doesn’t make it okay! I’m really sorry.



  367.  #367Starla on June 5, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    The movie I wanted to watch, “Think Like A Man,” is not available online just yet. Do you ladies have a suggestion for a movie for a siren to watch tonight?



  368.  #368Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Starla,

    Thanks. I try not to swear, also. I am always trying to reprogram myself to say stuff like Sugar! or Fudge! instead of less kind words. And instead of saying someone treated me like a piece of sh(1)t, I try to say they treated me like pond scum or lower than whale poop.



  369.  #369Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Awww… (((STARLA)))



  370.  #370Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Starla,

    I like “Never Been Kissed” as a good Siren movie. It is built around Shakespeare’s “As You Like It”, and the essence is about stuff Rori teaches us…watch it and you will see!

    That movie is straight therapy to me, and it is my second favorite movie ever!



  371.  #371Starla on June 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Radlove, I feel curious — what is your FIRST favorite movie ever?



  372.  #372Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    T-Girl, isn’t the feeling awesome yet scary? it’s really incredible to feel so much deep love… I feel too that Rori helped me get in touch with my true feelings and I am so grateful to her, and to the wonderful man in my life 🙂



  373.  #373Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Starla, I watched ‘Mansfield Park’ last night (late after diner with M) and it felt really nice. The Siren wins in the end!



  374.  #374Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    I just finished a nice yoga session at home. I feel so relaxed and open now. M called just to say ‘good night’ and it felt nice. I didn’t try to drag it on at all and it felt appeasing.



  375.  #375Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    I am also having some ‘tension tamer’ herbal tea (Celestial Seasoning) with a little honey. Ahhhh….



  376.  #376Siren Angel on June 5, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Sun Goddess, so happy Music Man is stepping up 🙂



  377.  #377Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Starla,

    371 – Without a doubt, EVER AFTER!!

    How about you?



  378.  #378LoveAlways on June 5, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Francesca
    332
    Thanks Siren 🙂
    It took me a long time to get to this point
    but it feels cozy now



  379.  #379Sunshine on June 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Went to a boot camp gym class today and I feel proud of myself for underacomplishing:) thats right…underacomplishing. There were certain exercises that after many reps were just physically uncomfortable and painful and I used to just fight through it mostly to feel “accepted” by the teacher, also to compare to the others and not feel like the weakling, and lastly to validate myself….yeah thats all boloni. I went to class and sweated so good job to me! So what I stopped, was mediocre at times but its a tough class and I feel proud that at times I stopped to take a breath…in front of the coach! Im tired of feeling like I have to overachieve…yay for me for going my pace today and letting go of what people think:p



  380.  #380Hunnybunny on June 5, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    I’m new here and I am enjoying reading all the different comments regarding men and how to treat them. I have the Modern Siren and Targeting Mr. Right and all this is so new and scary that I get spooked trying to use Rori’s tool. I’m going to keep listening and using them cause all I am attracting are big time frogs with warts in the middle of their foreheads….



  381.  #381LoveAlways on June 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Listening to Commitment Blueprint today

    I am on my bridge
    I am on the path of MY life
    I feel this!

    My bridge is gorgeous!

    I see these men jump on and jump off my bridge!
    Literally!!

    CD song has a bungee cord I think, and he just rubber bands on and off my bridge

    This is such a cool visual!



  382.  #382LoveAlways on June 5, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Heart

    I don’t know how to answer your question. Are YOU settling?



  383.  #383Starla on June 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    My favorite movies are Ghost World and The Animatrix. I can watch them over and over. I also like Le Planet Sauvage, an old animated French Film.

    My favorite love story is The Notebook, hands down.

    Was really looking forward to watching any of these suggested titles, but not able to find them online. Ahhh well, should go to bed soon anyway.



  384.  #384Starla on June 5, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    yay, sunshine! I always feel glad and trusting when people in my bootcamp classes take the rests they need.



  385.  #385LobbyStar on June 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    325: Hi Starla! It feels great to be remembered!



  386.  #386LoveAlways on June 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Starla ((((HUGS))) you are doing great sharing your feelings. I’m feeling your vibe shift. It’s lovely Siren-ness in progress



  387.  #387Radlove on June 5, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Starla,

    382 – I have been wanting to see the Notebook! I haven’t seen the others you mentioned either. I will keep an eye out.



  388.  #388Sunshine on June 5, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Thanks Starla!
    I am also working on boundaries… guy Ive only been on two dates has been convincing me all week to go to his side of the city and I agreed, he said to eat and go to the park. Now he is changing it up and wants me to go to his place…hmmm. I dont know I feel ackward I told him I didnt want to do that and he said not to worry he wont make any moves…he said this even before me even explaining. Anyway I refuse and Im annoyed at his convincing he was all dry and weird after the in our phone chat. I just dont want to! Since when does a Puerto Rican man want to invite and not try anything I hate to be stereotypical but Im latin too and I dont trust this situation! I also honestly dont trust me and I dont want to go there he might seduce me lol!



  389.  #389ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    I just had the most bizarre conversation with Mr. Observant. He wasn’t making any sense and I’m really worried now. It was almost like he was hallucinating or something.



  390.  #390CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    What the heck ReceivingGirl…sounds bizarre. First a massive change in behavior out of the blue and then this “bizarre” conversation. I am afraid those could be some sort of red flags. I feel concerned…



  391.  #391T-Girl on June 5, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    Siren Angel, I am so grateful for Rori too and yes, the feeling scares the crap out of me. Not to mention that I was feeling such love and then he said something really insensitive to me that it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Sigh.



  392.  #392T-Girl on June 5, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    I agree with Curvey siren Receiving Girl. It sounds like a red flag.



  393.  #393Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Thanks, LoveAlways:)



  394.  #394CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    ReceivingGirl, can you share some of what was said in the “bizarre” conversation?



  395.  #395ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    CurvySiren, I feel concerned too. I’m really, really worried. I couldn’t understand what he was talking about. I kept asking questions and he kept answering, but it was almost cryptic. Then, he said someone told him to cut it off (meaning talking to me) and he hung up. He kept talking about Trinity Oneness, Mayan calendar, water, purple, seven deadly sins and how he failed with lust, so many weird things. He said he needs medication cause someone told him he’s bipolar.



  396.  #396ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    He was talking about baseball teams and triggers. Purple is a trigger for me and he called me a cougar, I asked why and he said it’s a cat who wants to be a person. Just really odd things.



  397.  #397CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    As much as I hate to say this, it sounds like he’s either mentally ill or possibly drugged. (or both?)

    I feel sad because this started off so great for you and it seems like it’s gone downhill in the past few days. Didn’t someone “warn” you about this guy before you started seeing him? I can’t recall the details but somehow the “bi polar” thing sounds familiar…

    I’m sorry ReceivingGirl. I’m sure this feels very confusing to you.



  398.  #398ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    He was saying about putting good things out to the universe in a sense, but what he was watching on TV was bad. He said, Mrs. D told him to stop talking and that’s when he hung up. I don’t know what to make of it. He absolutely was not himself.



  399.  #399Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    arggghhh, i need rest, but i can’t seem to feel sleepy enough. I can’t just keep getting only a few hours of sleep and working out so hard first thing in the morning. Something’s gonna give…



  400.  #400CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Who is Mrs. D?

    He hasn’t been “himself” for several days though. At least not the “himself” you’ve been getting to know over the past few weeks.

    I’d say just be very cautious about this information he’s giving you. None of this sounds like normal type conversation.



  401.  #401ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    My friend said he has issues, but she wouldn’t elaborate on what.



  402.  #402Starla on June 5, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    (((((((((((((receiving girl)))))))))))))))))))



  403.  #403CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    I hear you Starla. I’ve had sleep issues myself recently. And with so much going on in my life, it really catches up to me….I can’t be productive/creative when I’m not rested, but I don’t rest well when I have a lot on my mind. Such a vicious cycle…

    I hope you get some rest!!!



  404.  #404CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    RG~ Sounds like those “issues” are manifesting themselves. It’s better to find out now vs. later when you’re more involved… I would just be sure to pay close attention to the signals. Not necessarily write him off, but be aware now that you’ve had this experience…



  405.  #405Starla on June 5, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    awww, the owner of the gym I go to says he likes my energy so he’s going to give me a discount this month. Sweet!



  406.  #406ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I don’t know who Mrs. D is. I asked and he started to say, but then abruptly got off the phone. He said he was at his mom’s house. I wonder if she is home. I don’t think he does drugs. I emailed one of his friends (my friend too) and told him I was worried and this conversation was so strange. He knew who I was and was asking about my vacation. At first, he was just really quiet and I said something about that and he acted like he wasn’t going to talk about it, but then started talking more later. He did say things are bad. I don’t know, but I feel I need to help him get away from whatever this is. Anyone know what Trinity Oneness is? He talked about the jury being out too. I asked who’s the jury and he said the masters. I said, who are the masters and he said the two ladies at work. He kept saying my phone was hissing too.



  407.  #407CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    RG- this really doesn’t sound like a lucid person. It almost sounds like he was having hallucinations, with the phone hissing comments etc.

    I googled Trinity Oneness and it’s obviously a religious thing.

    “Is G0d one, manifesting himself in three ways, or is G0d one, yet three persons? This site debates the question of oneness and the trinity.”

    There’s a bunch of stuff on it. I’m not sure what to tell you other than it sounds really freaky how this guy could go from being so into you and so communicative …to this bizarre stuff, rather quickly. Keep going back to your friend saying he has “issues” and thinking you should heed that warning.



  408.  #408ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    CurvySiren, I am beside myself worrying. I feel helpless. I feel like crying. I am so tired, but I don’t think I will be able to sleep. I hope our friend will shed some light on this for me. I don’t know why my friend wouldn’t tell me what his issues are. She said she didn’t want to be in the middle. It sounds like more than bipolar. That one guy I dated who I had to call the cops on was bipolar and he stopped taking his meds.

    I did notice Mr. Observant doesn’t sleep very well. He has lost a lot of weight in the last 6 months. I figured it was stress.



  409.  #409ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    He friended Trinity Oneness on FB on June 1st and liked a bunch of her images/statuses since then. I wonder if it’s some kind of cult/brainwashing thing.



  410.  #410CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re beside yourself RG. I’m worrying about YOU right now. I am trying to imagine myself in your shoes, and I think I would feel the same.

    I don’t think there is anything you can do right now except to take care of yourself, try to rest and hope your friend will shed some more light on this for you.

    It sounds like more than bipolar to me too. It sounds kind of psychotic to be honest. But I’m just going by my gut reaction to the ramblings you described.

    Stress can cause weight loss and sleeplessness, but it doesn’t cause erratic behavior and irrational, illogical conversation.

    Sending you lots of peaceful vibes and hugs…



  411.  #411CurvySiren10 on June 5, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    Wow. Yeah, the Trinity Oneness stuff on fb is pretty weird. “Gnostic Christian”, whatever that is. Very weird stuff…. and yes, seems like some sort of cultish, religious thing for sure.



  412.  #412ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Thanks CurvySiren. He’s been a FB a lot more than usual too.



  413.  #413ReceivingGirl on June 5, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Let’s say that’s what this is. How does one get him away from that?



  414.  #414Tereana on June 5, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    I don’t think Meghan’s story about reading to the guy is creepy. He liked her voice and wanted to hear it. I think it’s a compliment 🙂 if she didn’t want to, she could have said no 🙂



  415.  #415siren song on June 5, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    So…I spent most of the past week in my hometown with my parents. I came back to emails and a phone message from guy who loves me. He hasn’t left me a message in months. I’m going to call him back tomorrow. 🙂



  416.  #416Tereana on June 5, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Hum…I know I’m not supposed to be thinking about just one guy. And I’m not. I’ve thought about V, I’ve thought about MM – even some guys I haven’t seen in even longer. I’ve thought about all the men I’ve dated this year, and how I’ve appreciated all their generosity, and how they’ve traveled so far to see me. I must be very special! And you know what else? I’m a girl, and that makes it totally worth it.

    Mx2 has been slightly different, in that I didn’t just feel like a “girl” with him – I really felt like a woman. He strikes me as a definite man. I almost don’t know what to do! I’m not doing anything, of course. I’m thinking about what he likes about me – the fact that I am a woman. That I am mysterious and unknowable. All the amazing experiences of my life that he can feel, even if he doesn’t know what they are. He appreciates how resourceful and creative I am. He revels and sinks in my softness and beauty. He feels strong and masculine and like a King in my presence. He even likes my crazy. He doesn’t even know all about my crazy yet. But he’s seen me upset about another man and knows how I reacted. It might not be “perfect” and ladylike, but it was perfectly authentic to me, and it totally drew him in. He could feel my power radiating out from me, and it pulled him inexorably in like a tractor beam.

    He is not afraid of crashing on my rocks, because he knows how to navigate. He is steering his ship, driving his car, and relishing his own masculinity, as he celebrates my feminine, my pink, my emotions, my gentleness, my strength. He is working hard, and counting minutes and days until he’s ready to contact me. Thinking about me every moment. This silence is not him pulling away. It is building the mystery and the attraction. Each moment that passes, each day, he wants me more…

    Ooh. I like how this sounds. I like how this feels. It is like warm coconut custard with caramel sauce and strawberries. It is delicious, yummy, sweet and sharp. But he is not bringing dessert. He is bringing the full meal. He is out hunting his big animal so he can bring it back to me. The red meat to fill my body with iron and protein so I’ll be happy and sated and filled. And then he’ll be ready to make love to me passionately, and feel even more connected to me than he did before.

    I am turning myself on, ladies. This is so great. This is like my own personal p*rn, and I love it. So sexy : )

    I love using my imagination this way. If I’m going to make it up, I might as well make it up good!

    Meanwhile, I love my feelings. I feel strong, fully expressed, confident, NOT abandoned – lol : ) I am just here. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a WOMAN. I see the woman he sees – awesome, amazing, beautiful, impressive, admirable. I am so worthy of everything and more. So I think I’ll wait for what I really want.

    It will be so worth it… : )



  417.  #417Tereana on June 5, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Starla – I like that about “voting for me.” today was the primaries is California. I voted for me! 🙂



  418.  #418Daria on June 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Gnostic Christian… hmm i consider myself that in part…

    i feel bad to be see judgments about it

    i feel quivery and tight in my tummy



  419.  #419Jenny on June 5, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    My NV is starting to sound very loud right now.
    I havent heard a thing from CDJim yet :/

    Yesterday it felt calm and nice – now I’m feeling a litte inpatience and insecure. I dont like that feeling at all.

    I try to focus on how it felt when we meet, how good it felt…and feeling trust he meant what he said.
    I havent done anything wrong, noir did I said anything wrong…
    ….But my nvs is saying it..telling me that he was just saying what he felt then…that now he have get secound thoughts, lost intrest since he saw me online on the dating site thusday and just come up with an lame exscuse that he needed to work…
    ..and I feel sad, it feels so easy to listens to my nvs right now.

    …feeling to hyper right now, cant even find the calm feeling of “Everything is alright” and I feel worried about it – and I know it might be hormones since my period should arrive anywhere from now to a week.



  420.  #420Tereana on June 5, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    I literally just saw an ad for a dating/reality/game show where guys have to pick girls based on the sound of their voice : )



  421.  #421Tereana on June 6, 2012 at 12:44 am

    I met a couple once at a dinner, who had originally met over the phone. The man worked at a credit counseling agency, and the woman had to call – for some unflattering reason, such as being broke, losing her job, having credit/debt issues, or all of the above. The man was assigned to her case, and they eventually got together. But what first appealed to him was her voice. She had a very unusual accent, but also just a certain way of speaking that was very feminine, even though I wouldn’t describe either of them as very good-looking. I didn’t love everything about her voice. But several years later, the man still got a misty look in his eye when he talked about it. He was clearly in leurve : )

    I think of what a man’s voice does for me, too. A strong, low (but not too deep) voice is very soothing. A tentative or too-high voice I find aggravating. And I actually take the quality of a man’s voice into consideration when we talk on the phone or in person. Because think about it – you have to live with that person and hear them talk ALL THE TIME, if you get married. You might as well like it!

    I didn’t like some things about my ex-fiancé’s voice. It was okay, but a little deep for me, and some of his pronunciations were really odd to me, and not in a good way. I hated them, and sometimes I just hated hearing his voice. I think that was telling me something about him and about the relationship that I needed to pay attention to! And I guess it did….



  422.  #422Smile on June 6, 2012 at 12:54 am

    Rori,

    Thank you so much! You have given me the strength to move on. I suppose I was looking for closure from him. I wanted him to break up with me but I guess saying he doesn’t think it’s the right time for a relationship is saying just that!

    I’ll work on getting myself ready for being in a relationship now! I know so more more than I did before I read your book! Oops, boy did I make mistakes! Thanks again xxx



  423.  #423Tam on June 6, 2012 at 1:50 am

    @lobbystar..I wonder, does he make advances of an affactionate or sexual nature, i e try to touch you, kiss you, sit close to you, take your hand?
    Because in my experience, if a man does none of that,he really just means friendship and my advice would be if I had feelings for him to NOT torture myself and drop him. If he wants you in a different way, he has to prove it – don’t stay friends…you can let him fix things first and then break it off (I know this sounds selfish, but why not?), or get someone else to fix stuff for you.
    However, if he does make advances, then just keep him in your ‘pool’ of CD’s, and start meeting other men and not concentrating on him…he might step up, he might not.
    Don’t go down the friends route though, especially if you’re the one with feelings…
    Good luck



  424.  #424Tam on June 6, 2012 at 1:58 am

    I don’t know. Mr Unavailable, my ‘platonic friend’ as he begrudgingly calls himself (he’d rather be a friend with benefits…), seems to smell I am on the way out.
    So now he is going into full ‘rescuing man’ mode…but in the oddest way possible. I know I should laugh, as it is hilarious…can you imagine he now says his brother would marry me? I lost my visa to live in the US last year as my company took a dive, and have been looking at ways back in through work – but NOT this. He is now super busy trying to work out ways to help me, but suggesting to become my brother in law. Jeepers creepers.
    This is becoming funnier and funnier. He wrote me this email, straight back (after I waited a day before answering him) and the ‘brother thing’ was the first sentence. After that sentence, I did not read the rest because, honestly, I just couldn’t be bothered. How times have changed. I still haven’t read it, no curiosity whatsoever. Maybe tomorrow.
    Pffff. I know he thinks he is helping in a major way, he is so clue-less. I am stepping away from that.
    The only way, what do you think?
    Maybe I won’t answer at all this time…maybe I will let him slip away… 🙂
    Good day to all the Sirens!!
    xxx



  425.  #425Rebecca on June 6, 2012 at 2:31 am

    Tam ~ yes, let him slip away



  426.  #426Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 2:46 am

    Rebecca @338

    It seems so easy for other people…

    No, it isn’t always easy, even for those who already are in a relationship.

    Everybody has to work at it because nothing is guaranteed in life.

    I’m sure you will find someone that suits you, don’t lose hope.



  427.  #427Daria on June 6, 2012 at 2:51 am

    mm im feeling excited about meeting men lately

    ive been getting some AMAZING kissing that turns me on!

    mmmmm!

    im feeling a lil piny for a couple guys… mainly one guy that i saw 3 days ago…

    and thinking about that florida guy too

    im thinking i have these great connections with men yet they kinda dont want to spend extended time w me
    unless we’re having sex

    so ive been practicing expressing my feelings around this

    i may have gotten heavy and intense about it with that one guy 3 days ago

    with today’s date i felt better…

    but he still didn’t call me back tonite or even give me “luv” on the site we met – tho he said he would

    practice practice



  428.  #428Lizka on June 6, 2012 at 2:55 am

    Again… Yesterday morning ATW apoligized not to have call me when he said he would, and durig the day he said again he would call me later (it was clear that he was talking about THE SAME DAy). And he didn’t… It’s like the 3rd day in a row. I can’t believe it!!

    I guess it’s just a sign that he really doesn’t care, that he is my toxic man and that all this begining of a relationship is in my head…

    Well, good morning to me!

    *sigh* what to do…? 🙁



  429.  #429Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 3:06 am

    Starla and anyone who has trouble sleeping, have you ever tried herbal tea like chamomille or passiflora?



  430.  #430Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 3:09 am

    Lizka, I think it’s a sign that you need to stop focusing on him so much and start ignoring his “mixed messages”.

    It’s obvious that for him, “later” means whenever, when he feels like it.

    Are you still CDing?



  431.  #431Rebecca on June 6, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Francesca – thank you. You are right. If I was in a relationship I would probably be moaning.

    I think rejection has just hit me hard and I’m finding it very hard to let go without feelings of longing and grieving what, in my head, could have been.

    I need tp focus on myself more, but I feel lazy and that is difficult.



  432.  #432Lizka on June 6, 2012 at 3:45 am

    I’m not CDing, not because I don’t want it, just because no man seems interested in me lately. Everyone I meet seems to be in a relationship (in the last months I have meet a lot of people at my new work and I am telling you, ALL OF THEM have a girlfriend!!) and I don’t get a lot of occasion to go out as most of my friends don’t call me to go out and I spend most of my time alone or with my mom. 🙁

    I know it seems that for him “later” seems to mean “whenever later” and it would be ok if it was clear but it’s not because yesterday morning he texted me apologizing that he didn’t call the night before when he said he would. And you know, in French, he doesn’t says “plus tard”, he says “je t’appelle TANTÔT”. “Tantôt” means the same day Francesca, no?

    I feel so confuse. For now I’m leaning back. At least when I’m at work, I am so much focus that I don’t have time to worry. But next time I talk to him, I might ask him what he means by “next time” so we don’t get into this confusion anymore.



  433.  #433Tam on June 6, 2012 at 3:53 am

    @ Rebecca..can you, instead of seeing it as rejection, see it as ‘he didn’t make the grade as he was not good enough for me’?
    That’s how I like to see these things now.
    A man who does not keep his word, to call or whatever – simply not good enough. Maybe he changes, maybe not. Time to give others a chance.
    For me, a man who keeps contacting me all the time but still doesn’t make a commitment, one who tries to help yet doesn’t step up fully – simply not good enough.

    It’s not so much rejection, it’s having boundaries and deciding what we want. We don’t want half a heart, we want the whole thing. 🙂

    So it’s you who rejects sub-par treatment. You are not being rejected…the guy has his own stuff to deal with and is most likely focusing on that when he should be focusing on you :)…find someone who does….. 🙂



  434.  #434Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 4:08 am

    Yes, to me, “tantôt” means later during the day, even within the same hour or so.

    At least, this is what I mean when I say it. :/



  435.  #435Lizka on June 6, 2012 at 4:18 am

    That’s what I mean too when I say “tantôt”.

    I’ll find a sexy sireny way to ask him next time we talk. In FMs, I’ll ask him whay he means.

    Someone has a good FM to ask what ATW means when he says “later”?

    “I feel confuse…”



  436.  #436Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 4:25 am

    Hmmm, there must be something in the air.

    Quite a few sirens saying their guys are giving them the silent treatment…

    My own man has been hiding in his cave for the past week.

    I sent him a text last night saying I missed him…no reply.

    Is there some sort of astral phenomenon I’m not aware of, other than Venus passing in front of the Sun yesterday???



  437.  #437Jenny on June 6, 2012 at 4:32 am

    435 @ . . . I’m also starting to wondering the same thing. Even some of those men who use to write to me the most have gone silent…must be something in the air.

    …ok it is the EM in fotball now – but I dont think it is that, maybe it is summer coming, ppl are out with friends and enjoying the fact the summer is getting warmer.
    I dont know -I try my best to stay calm, dont let my NV control me…



  438.  #438Lizka on June 6, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Yed me too, don’t let Nvs control me. Goal of the day!



  439.  #439Heart on June 6, 2012 at 4:50 am

    Radlove- thank you for the input.
    I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed by a situation with a man/boy.
    And – I’m crying out for some help.

    All these feelings have been coming up since I’ve learnt to sink into them…and I’m feeling a little ravaged by all the waves. I don’t know if I’m ready to leave my cage…I inch out…I play and then I run back in…

    But, I want some help with regards to a situation. I feel embarrassed to talk about. I’m scared others will laugh at me and think I’m stupid. But I also feel really hopefully that maybe a Guide will appear with some healings.

    I met a guy at a place I interned at…we connected but he was in a long distance relationship. We hung out…he was totally under my radar. I had zero interest in him so it was fun and friendly. But then I developed feelings for him and was jealous and angry about his relationship…I pulled back completely and started focusing on talking to other men. Then one day he told me he wanted to break up with the girlfriend and date other people and then he asked me out. I politely rejected him since He was still in a relationship but also because I felt scared in the moment.
    Then 2 weeks later he and the girlfriend broke up. And he invited me out with some other people and started treating me like a princess. But we were with other people! So although I tried to keep warm and open I felt soo uncomfortable! But I thought…wow he would actually make a good bf. But I also thought gosh maybe he is just trying to sleep with me.

    Anyway, I didnt do anything with him and after that he would just come around me at the company and talk about other Women. I felt triggerered and jealous. Then he would come and try to make me happy and do lots of stuff for me! It made me like him and want to be with him again. I started subconsciously holding the space for him even though I went out and met other men.

    He would ask me to hang out every weekened but only on group outings! Not one on one so I didnt accept his invitations. My internship ended and got a job elsewhere. That was a few weeks ago.

    He contacted me on FB to ask how I was doing and I said ‘doing ok’ and he did follow up . But then he keeps posting these ‘ I like you. I miss you. Show me a sign that you like and Miss me too’ type songs/messages. I feel happy, scared, bored and toyed with all at the same time. I dont know wat to do. Should I play along ..should I ignore it and run the risk of having him feel rejected. Is this all too high school?
    Help me sirens! PLEASE.



  440.  #440Lizka on June 6, 2012 at 4:58 am

    And also, today I’m going to leave my phone in the car for real so I don’t check it every 5 minutes to see if ATW called me. I want to focus on work and be good and make big money to go to Paris at the end of the summer!!



  441.  #441Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 5:04 am

    Lizka, I wish I could help you with a good FM but my mind is blank.

    The only things I keep thinking of are too businessy.

    I’ll keep searching for a good FM…but can’t promise I’ll come up with one. 🙁



  442.  #442Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Way to go, Lizka! 🙂



  443.  #443Heart on June 6, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Radlove- thank you for the input.
    I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed by a situation with a man/boy.
    And – I’m crying out for some help.

    All these feelings have been coming up since I’ve learnt to sink into them…and I’m feeling a little ravaged by all the waves. I don’t know if I’m ready to leave my cage…I inch out…I play and then I run back in…

    But, I want some help with regards to a situation. I feel embarrassed to talk about. I’m scared others will laugh at me and think I’m stupid. But I also feel really hopefully that maybe a Guide will appear with some healings.

    I met a guy at a place I interned at…we connected but he was in a long distance relationship. We hung out…he was totally under my radar. I had zero interest in him so it was fun and friendly. But then I developed feelings for him and was jealous and angry about his relationship…I pulled back completely and started focusing on talking to other men. Then one day he told me he wanted to break up with the girlfriend and date other people and then he asked me out. I politely rejected him since He was still in a relationship but also because I felt scared in the moment.
    Then 2 weeks later he and the girlfriend broke up. And he invited me out with some other people and started treating me like a princess. But we were with other people! So although I tried to keep warm and open I felt soo uncomfortable! But I thought…wow he would actually make a good bf. But I also thought gosh maybe he is just trying to sleep with me.

    Anyway, I didnt do anything with him and after that he would just come around me at the company and talk about other Women. I felt triggerered and jealous. Then he would come and try to make me happy and do lots of stuff for me! It made me like him and want to be with him again. I started subconsciously holding the space for him even though I went out and met other men.

    He would ask me to hang out every weekened but only on group outings! Not one on one so I didnt accept his invitations. My internship ended and got a job elsewhere. That was a few weeks ago.

    He contacted me on FB to ask how I was doing and I said ‘doing ok’ and he did follow up . But then he keeps posting these ‘ I like you. I miss you. Show me a sign that you like and Miss me too’ type songs/messages. I feel happy, scared, bored and toyed with all at the same time. I dont know wat to do. Should I play along ..should I ignore it and run the risk of having him feel rejected. Is this all too high school?

    Help me sirens! PLEASE.



  444.  #444Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Heart,

    If I were in your situation, I wouldn’t take this guy seriously.

    He is obviously toying with you.

    I would be nice with him but since he’s not making any obvious moves to claim you, I would put him on the back of my horse and keep riding until he comes up with the right words and actions.

    Just my two cents.



  445.  #445Lizka on June 6, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Awww Francesca thank you for your support!



  446.  #446Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Hi Heart. Believe that your Guide is inside you. Try to create a picture of her and get a sense of her voice. Start asking her questions and see how the answers compare with might be coming from others outside you. Experiment with her advice.

    His actions might be high school because it might be his little boy inviting your little girl to play. But I would play along because we all have that little person inside us. Maybe as you connect on that little he will start to feel safe again and bring out his big boy to play with your little boy. Remember relationships don’t have to be only about serious deep stuff. It can be a playground filled with fun, sand and water. After which we can go home and focus on other big stuff.



  447.  #447Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 5:17 am

    “He is obviously toying with you.”

    I am not sure I buy this concept. Guys are in different stages of life and maybe he is not in a position to offer anything but also does not want to lose a good person from his life. This guy sounds like a relatively young person, maybe just starting life. Or maybe he is just imature. Heart you seem to be doing very well because there have been times where you chose to remove yourself. You rejected him but he keeps coming back. This shows that you are on to something that works to build attraction. You’ve rejected him but when he leans forward you have been open and warm.

    I believe FB play is harmless as long as you don’t cyberstalk or hang around waiting for contact. FB is not real life so I don’t believe it can be real relationship or build chemistry or compatibility.



  448.  #448Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 5:27 am

    FW,

    I hear what you’re saying but if I were in Heart’s shoes and someone would send me stuff like this guy sent, I would feel confused too.

    I personally felt like he was pressuring her to tell him she missed him.

    It’s almost feminine too me.

    Also, I feel FB might not be real life but it is part of today’s life.



  449.  #449Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Lizka I would not ask. Also bear in mind that the confusion is yours not his, I have a cd with a coach who says when a man says later he is thinking “before I die”. I believe it is a bit of an exaggeration but I get her point to mean that men feel no urgency regarding later. I don’t believe he is toxic he just does not feel the gut level inspiration he needs to feel to change his behavior. Many men do that and it is best to accept that until he is ready he will not change this. It is also a polite way to get out of a conversation. If you are leaned back and dropped into your pelvis your intuition will help to guide you so you know when a conversation is over. Maybe as you acknowledge that or maybe be the first one to end a conversation the later will go away as he will not need to use it. I encourage to take it as a message to test some other way of being. It has nothing to do with whether he cares or not. I am wondering if maybe you could get a nickname around it to kind of tease him with. Or use the reverse, sooner instead of later, to make it a kind of game.

    I encourage you to consider cutting conversations shorter because you “feel your mind drifting off to something you feel excited” about going and doing. Maybe that will help him to feel that he needs to clamour for your time and attention. He might unconsciously be thinking that you are always there and you will always be there so no need for urgency?

    Ask yourself I wonder what this man showed up to teach me by always using later?



  450.  #450Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Okay Francesca you might be right or maybe I should say you are right. He might be pressuring her so her job would be to check to see what am I going to do with this pressure? “Am I the kind of woman who always cave into a man? Or maybe I could just be cool with and play along? Now how does thinking that he is pressuring me affecting my vibe? How about always caving into a man? What about playing along with no investment? I have already rejected him several times but he seems to be sucked into my siren energy…..hhhhmmm. I wonder how this will help me with my Mr. Right when he shows up?



  451.  #451Starla on June 6, 2012 at 5:47 am

    I went to bed last night thinking to myself that CF is a gutless coward. I have yet to really believe that and think that… I was just missing him and regretting my part in everything. And actually, he kind of is a gutless coward, in general. Breaking up with someone in an email after 9 months of closeness is pretty cowardly. He said in the email it’s cuz his spoken words wouldn’t come together at the moment. Well, wait until you can get it together and speak like a grown up, then, I say! There was no urgency to break up with me right that moment. He said he would be ready to talk on the phone the next day, so why didn’t he just wait until then to tell me? Because he’s a gutless coward.

    And he left it for me so that I might read it first thing when I get to work the next day. That’s pretty f*cked up and selfish and not at all thinking of the other person. That would be like me texting him in the middle of him teaching a class and being like “hey i’ll talk to you more about this later but I just wanted to let you know I’m dumping you.”

    Then not speaking to them when they politely contact you is also pretty cowardly. One conversation is all it would have taken to put a rest to everything, but he didn’t have the courage to do that.

    I do not feel impressed at all with this man, and it’s time I started feeling turned off.

    I don’t know why it took me so long to notice how gutless this has all been of him.

    Is he going to send life an email when it gets hard? Is he going to email our potential children when they need discipline? Is he going to email the mortgage company when we can’t make a payment and never follow up? LOL, he might. I guess this is just his personality. What a shame.

    I feel turned off. I DON’T want him back.

    It all makes me sad and I do miss him… he was wonderful in so many ways, but YUCK. Do not want a coward.

    Now I feel guilty for saying and thinking these things, because I can be pretty cowardly at times too.

    Ah well.

    I’m going to go ahead and ride the turned off wave of feelings anyway, because it’s helping me move on.



  452.  #452Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 5:48 am

    About FB it is part of todays life. In my opinion it helps to feed the fear of intimacy. It creates some issues with people thinking they can build relationships, intimacy and chemistry outside face to face interaction. People are using it to “build” relationships so they also use it to end, “dump” their significant others which to me seems cowardly. These are just a few of the issues I have heard around FB. I might be old fashioned but I use FB to see people’s pictures and take a little peak into their lives. One of my love languages is quality time. I don’t see myself replacing that with FB. I believe if I encourage a man to connect with me on FB he will be less likely to initiate proper dates. For me FB is very effective connecting with people over long distances.



  453.  #453Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 5:57 am

    BTW Heart, instead of responding that you are okay, maybe share about something in your life that you are feeling excited about. Then share how happy you feel about the messages in the songs as well as how bored you feel about the emptiness of it all because it reminds you of good times you shared then you end up feeling sad and just want to get off the merry go round of emotions. Then maybe I don’t want to feel this way about you and what do you think. Or just that you want to move on with your life without regrets.

    It is good practice for sinking into your feelings and scripting.



  454.  #454Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 6:03 am

    Tam how does the suggestion about the brother make you feel?



  455.  #455Siren Angel on June 6, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Lizka @431,

    Men have a different definition of ‘tantot’, sorry… M says ‘talk later’ and it usually means ‘tomorrow’. It just means to me he will call again soon, when he wants to! Let him row the boat. I interpret this as ‘I will call you later, let me row the boat, I’ll call you when I want to row some more but I will call again because I feel inspired too’. Hope this helps.



  456.  #456Siren Angel on June 6, 2012 at 6:06 am

    Lizka, futhermore, you can choose to let his ‘tantot’ inspire you to be a really good Siren. xx



  457.  #457Jenny on June 6, 2012 at 6:08 am

    soon 2 weeks ago I did a little leaning forward to FlowerCD…just sent an text about how wonderfull the day felt..how shine iI felt with the sun in my face and feeling free when the wind blow through my hair.

    Today He sent an text: “Hi beautiful flower, how is you? Hugs”

    I think I sitt and feel myself smiling sometime, eat som popcorn and just enjoy getting some attention from this man who…well have a body wich make me feel hot when my blood boil behind compare 😛



  458.  #458Siren Angel on June 6, 2012 at 6:11 am

    Lizka @439, I don’t believe that leaving the phone in the car helps you move though the bad feelings. It’s like the Wishboard tool in a way where you are supposed to really sink into what you feel, and move past it, when looking at a picture that triggers you. I would say to try to look at your phone and to really feel and move through the feeling you get when you feel bad about looking to see if he texted or called. Until you can carry and even look at your phone without the bad feeling.

    There is a phrase I love and it goes ‘the best way out is through’.



  459.  #459Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Starla I read your 356 about curling up in the sofa with yogurt and coconut and your energy really felt like a cat luxuriously relaxing. I am so trying to get into that vibe.



  460.  #460Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 6:13 am

    RE 457 “like”



  461.  #461Tam on June 6, 2012 at 6:15 am

    FW, the brother suggestion? I know it is his clue-less approach to helping me out. So I feel in a way happy that he is looking for ways of helping me out, and in another way angry. I mean, does he want to be my brother in law? Seeing that he can’t keep his fingers off me unless I tell him to, does that not feel strange to him, even though he was talking just to get married for papers (which I wouldn’t do anyway).
    I don’t know how it makes me feel. Weird enough not to want to answer I suppose!!



  462.  #462Tam on June 6, 2012 at 6:20 am

    …should I tell you something really funny? When I was dating another guy, Mr Unavailable said ‘I’d marry you too so you could stay’. But now, that he doesn’t see any tangible competition, he scaled it down to his brother….must feel safer for him.
    I guess now I feel amused!!!



  463.  #463Tam on June 6, 2012 at 6:25 am

    I could, of course, when I get back, include his brother (who is on all accounts a very nice and nice looking man), in my pool of CD’s. I never tried that because it was too creepy for me and I suspected it would set off a wave of anger (he is a very angry man anyway) from Mr unavailable. Well, he shouldn’t be calling up demons then.
    Maybe I will just do that 🙂
    It’s feeling a little mischevious…hehe



  464.  #464Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 6:30 am

    RG I suspect his issues have nothing to do with you or how he feels about you. I would assume it is related to him healing from his past relationship and the divorce, if I was going to assume anything.



  465.  #465T-Girl on June 6, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Lizka, I don’t think I would talk to him about it either. It is putting too much focus and expectations on him.

    I always say “I’ll talk to you later” when I end a phone call. It just comes out automatically, kind of like “good bye”.



  466.  #466Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 6:33 am

    So Tam maybe quote that line and say “that feels weird”.



  467.  #467Tam on June 6, 2012 at 6:39 am

    FW, thanks for the suggestion, it’s a good one!!!
    I just don’t know if I can be bothered at all anymore, we’ve been playing these games for nearly 2 years now and I feel that he should really play with open cards, i e leave me in peace or step up. I know he has feelings for me, it is pretty obvious and everybody else around us knows also, but as long as he is just dilly-dallying like that, I have somehow lost patience and would like to ignore him.
    Telling him it feels weird would have been a great suggestion for when I still really cared to speak my truth to him. I don’t know. He wouldn’t get it, he’d say ‘but why would it feel weird as I am just making a suggestion to help you’.
    Hm. I might just let it rest, or maybe say the ‘weird’ feeling msg… 🙂



  468.  #468T-Girl on June 6, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Lizka, pay attention to his actions, not his words.

    “Action speaks louder than words”



  469.  #469Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Tam the why question is mainly to pick your logic apart. Take it as your test to stand up for yourself and love yourself. So, just repeat I feel, that is just how I feel. And that’s it.



  470.  #470ReceivingGirl on June 6, 2012 at 6:53 am

    @463 FW

    I agree it has nothing to do with me. I was up all night so worried about what’s going on with him. There is something really not right and I’m not sure what exactly it is. I feel he needs help out of this. He doesn’t respond to texts anymore, but he answers his phone. The phone conversations are never very clear and I’m not sure if it’s my phone or how he’s talking.

    I called him this morning. He sounded a little better at first, he said he was better today, but then it wasn’t good again. I asked him if he wanted to meet for lunch and he said yes. I think if I see him in person, I will have a better feel for things. I said where and what time, he got all quiet, I don’t even know how to describe it, but just an eiree weirdness. He said he has something in the morning and didn’t know when he’d be done. So, I said, do you want to just call me and he said yes. He thanked me a couple times. I’m not sure if he’ll call.

    I phoned our friend and told him about this. He told me that some years back he had some sort of nervous breakdown and was put on medication. He also said, well, you know about the divorce and how his wife is trying to turn the kids against him and make them choose. (I didn’t know that part.) Our friend was all upset about that and said, “that’s what a good mother should do.” (sarcastically) He told me he would call him this afternoon and see what’s up.

    I will feel better after he talks to him. He knows him a lot better than I do.

    So, the nervous breakdown must be the issue my friend was referring to.



  471.  #471Tam on June 6, 2012 at 6:54 am

    ok, will do, I’ll give it a day or two…. thank you for the encouragement, and I think it’s true! It’s for me.



  472.  #472arrowofthyme on June 6, 2012 at 6:57 am

    I looked at my ex’s Darin profile yesterday and it so triggered me. All of these negative stories flooded my brain – he hadn’t been on for two days. I remembered that the only time he was off of that site when we were courting was when he took personal days off work to have day trips with me and i just made a quick assumption that he had found a new woman he liked. My entire body felt hot. I felt dizzy with sadness for a few seconds. Earlier in the day, I made the intention of moving on. This semi-holding on is so bad for me. the pretending I’m moving on but hoping for a change does nothing to create what I want for my future and all it does is literally feel like its sapping energy from me to do the most basic things. And they’re all from the stories I’m telling myself. I feel angry. I chose a remarkable guy who wasn’t emotionally capable to go deep. And then I left him. I am not a victim. I either waffle between hating him and missing him and keep losing my energy over this or I forgive both of us.This is the practice. I feel so sad.



  473.  #473Tam on June 6, 2012 at 6:58 am

    @ receiving girl….I’d stay well clear and wait till he comes to you. If he is in a situation he won’t want your help. I have been in a similar scenario, and I regretted stepping forward and offering help. It didn’t work at all and just made him feel worse.
    I feel men need to get through these things alone or with whomever they choose to open up to.
    Just my thoughts…



  474.  #474Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 7:03 am

    RG I feel concerned for you because of your health issues. Please do go into overdrive overfunctioning trying to caretake him.



  475.  #475arrowofthyme on June 6, 2012 at 7:06 am

    that was dating profile, not dating profile. 🙂
    i also tried the heart unzippering just now and it worked really well. instead of blocking him out, sitting here with the feeling and being open and riding the waves actually feels less overwhelming. normally it just overtakes me and stays until it feels like stopping and i scramble around trying to get out of it somehow. i’ll be getting present a lot today. i want the discipline to not allow NVs to sabotage me. and i want the self-forgiveness when it does.



  476.  #476ReceivingGirl on June 6, 2012 at 7:15 am

    @472 Tam @473 FW

    Thank you. At first, he wasn’t opening up, so I just told him if he ever wanted to talk, I was a good listener. He said, ok. Later in the conversation, he started talking, but none of it made any sense. I was seriously freaking out that some cult was brainwashing him and giving him drugs. I feel a little better now that I know some history, that maybe it’s not that.

    Once our friend talks to him and see’s what he thinks, I will feel a lot better. This group of friends are really close and stand up for each other, so if there is something, they will step up and help him. They just need to be aware of it, which is why I called. He didn’t like what I was saying either.

    FW, thanks for your concern. I know I’m completely overfunctioning right now. I’m just really worried and feel something needs to be done fast. Someone else has to be noticing his strange behavior.



  477.  #477Tereana on June 6, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Feels like flame wars between Daria and Starla. I don’t know what’s going on. Seems like everyone is reacting to themselves…



  478.  #478Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 7:27 am

    I keep wondering how I will react if my man acts the same way he is acting atm when we move in together.

    I mean, he says it’s better if we don’t see each other when he feels moody like that.

    Does this mean I will have to “disappear” for a few days until he gets his bearing back?

    I believe this is something I will have to discuss with him.

    It would feel great if we could talk about this and find a solution because I don’t feel good being pushed aside like that and I worry about the future.



  479.  #479Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 7:29 am

    BTW, the last sentence was one FM I came up with but if anyone here wants to tweak it, it would be great! 🙂



  480.  #480ReceivingGirl on June 6, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Francesca,

    I didn’t see your original post, but “being pushed aside” sounds harsh to me. Are there better words?



  481.  #481Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 7:42 am

    RG, my man is frustrated because he hasn’t been called to go to work yet.

    Last year, he started working in March and now it’s already June, so he’s just fed up with waiting and feels useless (he actually told me he felt that way, I’m not making this up).

    So he’s been keeping to himself for the last week.

    If he were just a CD, I could cope with it but we are exclusive and committed to each other, so I wonder why he doesn’t want me to be part of the solution. :/



  482.  #482Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Oh my goodness, I so want these NVs to go away right now!

    Argghhhh!

    Here’s a few cookies, NVs, now go get busy somewhere else!



  483.  #483ReceivingGirl on June 6, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Francesca,

    I’ve read in a lot of different places that men need to deal on their own when they don’t feel up to par. If he said he feels useless, that’s his own feelings he needs to come to terms with and it probably won’t feel better to him until he works.

    I understand how hard this is on you, and how you would like to be included. I would hold off on the feeling message and just give him some space. He’s probably feeling unworthy of you because he’s feeling useless. They say that feeling useful is something a man needs to feel in order to be in a good place for relating with others.

    This really is not about you. It’s about him. He will include you if he needs to. I know my answer isn’t going to make you feel better, but try to trust him to get through this on his own.



  484.  #484ReceivingGirl on June 6, 2012 at 8:10 am

    I feel a little better after talking to my friend at work. She was saying she knew someone who was acting all weird because her thyroid was off, so maybe he has a medical condition and needs medication to adjust it. Not that it is a good thing, but it’s a lot easier to deal with than trying to fight a brainwashing cult. 🙂



  485.  #485Femininewoman on June 6, 2012 at 8:11 am

    38: Rori Raye says:
    Mercedes…I’ve found, for me, that the desire to DO is usually a reaction to a fear of just “Being.” It comes from an old habit pattern of the voice saying “I’m not enough” inside our heads and hearts – and this is a voice we ALL have. You’ve worked out a very powerful way to not be “run” by that voice. The most common way this works for most of us is – something happens that has the possibility of intense pleasure and success – and that brings up the Nasty Voice. We hear “I’m not enough” ringing through our minds and bodies and either:

    1. Clamp down on our whole system and freeze…sometimes going through the experience in a kind of daze, or not participating at all…or
    2. Cave to the voice and sabotage ourselves, back away, hide our inner light…or
    3. Get assertive and aggressive and angry inside, get some energy going, and barrel through/overcome the Nasty Voice. (This usually results in us switching into masculine energy – and then afterwards, we feel bad.

    What we’re doing here is working to avoid all three of these options – and go straight for sinking into our feelings. Riffing if that helps, or just – “plonk” – dropping into them.

    As soon as you can do that, and stop thinking your way through it…everything just gets clearer.

    This is the baby step way of learning to trust yourself and living in utter integrity, authenticity, vulnerability and power for all of your life. Love, Rori



  486.  #486Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 8:15 am

    RG, thanks.

    I know you are right but it’s still bugging me.

    I keep thinking how Mel turned the situation around once when Mr. A. didn’t feel up to par.

    It seemed to work so why couldn’t I do the same thing?

    I don’t mean to harrass him or anything and I understand his need to be alone to deal with his feelings.

    I love him enough to give him space and time.

    He will certainly come around soon, that’s what I tell myself.

    He always does.

    However, I still feel this is something we need to discuss.



  487.  #487ReceivingGirl on June 6, 2012 at 8:17 am

    What did Mel do to turn the situation around?

    Perhaps it could be discussed after it is resolved when he is in a better frame of mind? I have a feeling he may not be very receptive right now.



  488.  #488Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 8:21 am

    FW, thank you for posting that.



  489.  #489Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Something about feeling alone and needing hugs 😉

    …can’t remember the exact words.



  490.  #490Starla on June 6, 2012 at 8:31 am

    I said I was angry and turned off at CF but I’m not. I’ll never be. Ah well. It was cute for a minute that I was feeling that.

    I miss him and want him back:(

    And I am going to stop posting about CF until Friday night. Just to see if that helps shift anything in me.

    I will use Siren Angel’s suggestion of laying with my palms up to the universe and unzippering my heart, for the next couple of days, instead of processing here and talking about him. And also receiving forgiveness for us both.



  491.  #491ReceivingGirl on June 6, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Feeling alone and needing hugs would be ok, I think. It’s about you and not about him, so non-threatening.



  492.  #492ReceivingGirl on June 6, 2012 at 8:37 am

    (((Starla)))



  493.  #493Francesca on June 6, 2012 at 8:38 am

    I’m actually trying to find Mel’s post.

    It’s from a while back so I’m searching all previous blog posts.