Watership Down And Feeling Moved

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In the spirit of open hearts and sharing no matter what – here’s something that’s deep in my heart – the book Watership Down. And this summer I got to follow the fictional journey in it and stand at the top of the real Watership Down. This is my home movie (listen for the birds….) – and just a part of my English road trip (so much relationship advice to share from it…)

Love, Rori

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673 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Interesting book title.



  2.  #2Elizabeth CArr on August 15, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Hi, I’ve been a follower of Rori for 6 yrs now. When her only product was her book. I was sitting alone on Christmas eve, confused at how my relationship was broken up, and I found her e-book on the internet.
    I order it shortly after that night and immediately started living the way coaches and I’m happy to say “It does work!” I’m now living with that same guy who pushed me away, and he’s so in love with me today, after 7yrs of being together. He actually loves me more and more as time goes on and I’m loving myself more and more. I’m deeply grateful to coach Rori. I’ve bought all her programs and re-visit them when there’s any little dip in the “juicy” in my relationship, or when a girlfriend of mine is having issues I can support her with my knowledge, to get her out of the “acute” situation. I always though refer them to Rori for she’s truly the goddess of healthy happy loving relationship. xo
    Elizabeth Carr



  3.  #3Emoticon on August 15, 2011 at 7:36 am

    The birds sound awesome!!



  4.  #4Emoticon on August 15, 2011 at 7:47 am

    I have a question. Elizabeth I know it works but what about when he’s in love with another woman?



  5.  #5Lovely on August 15, 2011 at 8:00 am

    I remember Rori having a tool about holding and touching an object right in front of you to keep you grounded and in your body. What was that tool? Anyone remember?

    Thank you!



  6.  #6Brenda on August 15, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Elizabeth,

    RE: #2 – Yay! Congratulations! What an awesome success story!



  7.  #7Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2011 at 9:08 am

    636: Jade (from previous thread) says:

    #635 – BW, it’s nice that he’s willing to do that and that there’s enough trust between you. I guess he’s a keeper then, right?

    I’m not sure if he’s a keeper Jade, but he’s definitely good for now at least. He and I have been through a LOT over the last 18 months, and it’s been a very emotional ride for me.

    Things are really good between us now and it feels really good to know I have him there if and when I need him too.

    But it wasn’t always like that and it wasn’t until I truly believed that I could be happy with him out of my life, that things improved dramatically! Weird huh?

    In other words, if he were to end things tomorrow, even though I’d be sad, I wouldn’t be devastated. Ask me to consider the same scenario 6 months or a year ago however, and I would tell a very different story.

    So I’m just happy to let things “be” and just go with the flow and enjoy things for now and I’m really not looking too far into the future. It’s really lifted the pressure off both of us and has probably contributed to how great things are. 🙂



  8.  #8Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2011 at 9:23 am

    4: Emoticon says:

    I have a question. Elizabeth I know it works but what about when he’s in love with another woman?

    Emoticon, I’ve been there and it’s NOT a good place to be, and here’s how I dealt with it (after a year and a half of living on a terrible emotional rollercoaster!):

    I firstly forgave myself for everything I’ve ever done wrong (yep I was really angry at myself for a while there!) in my life – including the failure of the second of my two marriages. That was a biggie for me because I couldn’t believe I’d failed AGAIN!

    Next, I found ways to keep busy without having to rely on him. And these things were things I REALLY enjoyed doing and things that really made my heart sing. So it wasn’t about cleaning my house (yuk – hate housework!), just to keep busy!

    CDing helped too, although I didn’t CD on purpose. I just had guys I already know start pursuing me, and others I would meet while out with a group of friends. They just “appeared” in my life and I was open to them.

    What all of this did was make it VERY clear to me that I did not “need” TH in my very full life, and if he was going to have feelings for someone else, then so be it. His loss. I had no control over his feelings for her, and to even try to convince him of otherwise was a waste of time and effort, so I didn’t even bother.

    I eventually told him that I didn’t want to be with a man who had feelings for somebody else because there were plenty of men out there who I could potentially meet who were prepared to love just me.

    I then wished him well and I walked away, with every intention of never going back.

    And I was comfortable with my decision. I think that was the key. I KNEW I would be ok without him, when I finally did this. I’d tried to end things with him before, but I never truly believed I could find happiness without him. Well I did believe it, but not on a conscious level…

    Anyway, what he did was totally step up, he cut off all contact with the other woman and stopped pursuing her (she had already told him she did not want a relationship with him but he’d continued to try to convince her otherwise, all while I stood by, letting it happen!), and finally convinced me that he was worth my time.

    So now things between he and I are wonderful! He looks after me so well, and just wants to spoil me! We talk a lot more now too, and spend so much more time together. I feel really happy and content.

    But the funny thing is that if he’d let me keep walking, I would have been ok with that too, and I’d probably be with some young hottie enjoying life with him instead of TH! 😉

    Life is GOOD!



  9.  #9Emoticon on August 15, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Awesome story Butterfly Wings :). I am CDing and going out with friends a lot, really enjoying it…. I think I am slowly starting to believe that I can and will be okay with someone other than him or even by myself…. but I am not completely there yet. These NVs keep makin me feel inadequate and I need them to shut up because I am everything but inadequate. If anything, i may be a bit too much 4 him!!



  10.  #10Ruth-Aurora on August 15, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Elisabeth and Butterfly Wings – I love your stories 🙂



  11.  #11Emoticon on August 15, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Me too…. both awesome stories…. and I’m on the way to writing mine. 🙂 i see a few beginnings already… but its up to these men to decide who is going to write the end!!!



  12.  #12Ruth-Aurora on August 15, 2011 at 9:56 am

    good luck, Emoticon – keep it up!

    me too, i feel like i am on the way, but not quite there yet – it is hard to be open to other guys – it feels difficult,

    but i also feel more happy and free than in a long time.

    as for writing my story – wow, maybe i should try –

    it seems like so much has happened i don’t know if i have the words for it anymore, but they must be in there somewhere …

    anyway, it feels inspiring to go to this blog and read what you are all sharing,

    love from me



  13.  #13Jade on August 15, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Rori, it’s beautiful where you are (were?). Look at that countryside, just awesome!

    #2 – Elizabeth, that’s great to hear! Congrats!

    #7 – BW, thanks for sharing that story, I wasn’t aware of it. It’s nice to read stories like yours, it gives us all a lot of hope. Goes to show how relationships can work out when we don’t lose sight of who we are.

    🙂



  14.  #14Plum on August 15, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Dr Levine and Rachel Heller
    Adult attachment style

    http://cdn.conversationsnetwork.org/ITC.TN-LevineHeller-2011.02.03.mp3

    __If you are not preoccupied with the relationship and you are comfortable with intimacy, you are secure.
    __If you are preoccupied with the relationship and you are comfortable with intimacy, you are anxious.
    __If you are not preoccupied with the relationship and not comfortable with intimacy, you are avoidant.

    Avoidant and anxious, both types are extra sensitive with the relationship and unable to express their needs. Both are bad communicators (protest and repress behaviors). Same sensitivity but going opposite way to deal with it.

    Avoidant with avoidant = They’ll both drift apart soon.

    Anxious with avoidant = It’s a trap. Not likely to create a shift in any of the partners.
    The avoidant feels power from the constant need for closeness of the anxious person.
    The avoidant sees the anxious person as “needy” or “dependent” or “clingy”. They keep the anxious person at arm length, which feeds more anxiousness in the anxious person.
    It also feeds the avoidant person’s pattern of keeping the partners at arm length.

    Anxious with secure = good combination, unless the anxious person confuses anxiety with love, in which case they might miss feeling anxious and they feel kind of bored.
    A secure person will call/text/see the anxious person when the anxious person needs closeness. Secure persons are good at meeting their partners’ needs and at expressing their own needs. They don’t play games.
    If the anxious person overcomes the first “boring” impression, they learn from the secure person and eventually grow secure themselves.

    Secure persons are good communicators and they know it is about meeting the need of BOTH partners, not only his/hers. Secure people may influence a shift into their anxious partners.

    _____________________________________________________

    “””[….] People’s attachment styles do change over time. So on average one in four people changes their attachment style in a four years period and the way that happens usually is when you get into a relationship with somebody new who really changes the way you view and expect relationships. So you do change your attachment style and it’s not just from your childhood. [….]”””

    ___________________________________________________________________________

    “””[….] often time dependency has got a bad rep in our society [….] but the truth of the matter is that dependency is just a biological fact. When we become attached to someone, we become dependent on them. So, the idea is that the more dependent we are, the more effective our dependency is, that is actually the true road to independence.[….]
    [….] When we feel that we are secure with our partners, we can explore the world in our work, in our hobbies, but if we feel that that base is not really there, we are not gonna be able to be independent. So, paradoxically, the more dependent we are in a more effective way, the more we can soar and achieve.

    ____________________________________________________________

    What’s stopping some people from moving forward after a break up?

    “”””[….] Avoidant people tend to find [….] reasons why they can’t commit to somebody new [….]
    One of the strategy [….] is they get fixated on a [….] methodological ex. Even if the relationship [….] was not right for them, once that closeness is gone, and they are no longer threatened by that very close interaction, then they actually constantly think about this person and use it as a way not to get close to somebody new. [….]

    [….] We don’t get to decide when to detach, it’s our attachment system that decides. We have some control over it, but not that much, some people really mourn the loss of someone else for a very very long time if they are anxious, it can take years. Usually the thing that will actually help people who are anxious is to find someone new.
    Once they find someone new, then the memory and the pain can really dissolve and go away. That’s the best advice we can give someone like that is that they really go out there and they find someone that they can love. [….]””””

    Xxx



  15.  #15Plum on August 15, 2011 at 10:53 am

    http://www.attachedthebook.com/qa/

    “””What advice would you give to singles today to help them improve their chances of finding—and keeping—love?

    If we had to give just one word of advice it would be this: When you go out on a date, it’s not about “did they like me or not” but “do they have what it takes to be a good partner for me?”

    Additional, hands-on tips:

    1. Have a clear idea of what it means to be in a relationship and what kind of person has the capacity to make you happy in a relationship.

    2. Know what attachment styles are and practice figuring out your date’s attachment style.

    3. Use effective communication—stating your aspirations and needs early on.

    4. Determine if you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style. There are specific things that you should/should not do and they differ significantly. For instance, if you’re anxious, you might benefit from dating several people at the same time; if you’re avoidant, it’s better to give one person a chance for a longer period.

    5. Learn to appreciate the Secures of this world. When you find someone secure, don’t dismiss them as boring. Stick around—you may uncover a hidden treasure that will be yours for life.”””

    xxx



  16.  #16Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Butterfly wings says:
    “I eventually told him that I didn’t want to be with a man who had feelings for somebody else because there were plenty of men out there who I could potentially meet who were prepared to love just me”

    This is really powerful, I may just use this someday.

    RecycledCD called when I least expected it, and is planning ahead making plans with me, trying to book up my schedule with him! It’s an awesome feeling and I have leaning waay back, and then being warm and receptive to him.

    I am looking forward to spending time with him, and learning not to feel like he’s being controlling or nosy when he asks when I work, when I’ll be home, what time I’m free, etc….that is baggage from my ex,,,,thinking it’s controlling, whereas with recycledCD

    I realize he’s just trying to get the logistics down so he can spend time with me. 🙂 Yay!

    I also have another CD I met online that wants to meet me…but I’m not sure with my schedule how that’s going to work out…I may have to put him off to next week. I have so much going on this Goddess is booked up okaaayy… 🙂 But I do want to make time to meet him..

    I also met a nice guy at work this past weekend, but not really someone I would date, just nice because I could tell he liked me and was being very flirty! It made me feel good becaues I wasn’t even “trying”, I was just being my sireny self and poor guy, he couldn’t help but be enamoured! LOL!! 😉



  17.  #17Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 11:13 am

    This is an interesting post, kinda off the beaten path, I guess we are supposed to revisit the story Watership Down? I love the English countryside visuals…it’s so pretty and lovely…



  18.  #18Starla on August 15, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    I love Abraham Hicks. Whenever I listen to clips on youtube, my mood improves and I stop feeling like I’m at the mercy of what happens to me with other people and things.

    La la la loveliness



  19.  #19Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Sirens once again I am requesting your sirenesque input when it comes to wording a response….and I welcome your comments and feedback ladies!!! You always help me soo much!!

    here’s the dealio:
    recycledCD asked me to spend a weekend out of town together, and I said I felt surprised to hear him ask that, but that I’d think about it and let him know.

    It sounds so fun but I am not ready to be sexual with him right now, so I am going to decline it.

    If we are sleeping in the same room, I will for sure have sex with him and then regret moving too fast=poor boundaries=kills attraction.

    I feel that I want to connect and spend time together, not have sex at this time.

    I want to let him know my boundaries and still remain warm and open.

    Maybe I can say something like:
    “I always have fun with you and I feel happy when we spend time together, so a weekend away sounds amazing. However, at this time I feel that I don’t want to have sex and therefore I have to turn down your offer, but I’d love to spend time with you this weekend nonetheless. What do you think?”

    We have crazy crazy chemistry and have had sex in the past, hence the name recycledCD, but at this time trying to start over after not seeing each other for a while…so I want to make sure we are connected or that he has the ability/willingness to connect with me on a deep level…so I’m still figuring that out.

    I’ve been using Rori’s tools and so far he is responding well….so far so good, and I’m really working on boundaries now…



  20.  #20Jade on August 15, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Emerson, I’m only a newbie here and far from being a real siren, but I’d say that it’s a good speech. You don’t have to have sex with him if you don’t want to. If he cares about you, he will understand and wait until you’re ready.



  21.  #21Senior Lady Vibe on August 15, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Hello world. I’m thankful for people who have given me books and I’m also thankful for those who have shared what they’ve read in books.

    😀

    xoxo



  22.  #22English Woman on August 15, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    Oh Rori, yes this is Wiltshire, I lived in just the next county of Somerset for a few months in 2009/2010, wonderful memories………….sigh………..



  23.  #23tinque on August 15, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    May I tweak Emerson?

    “I always have fun with you, and I feel happy when we spend time together, so a weekend away sounds amazing. However, it seems that a weekend away implies sex, and I don’t feel ready to have sex just yet. I would love to spend time with you this weekend nonetheless. What do you think?”



  24.  #24Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Emerson what are your boundaries around sex?
    Do you feel safe with him?
    Do you need marriage to do this type of trip? Or are you open to having an uncommitted relationship with him?
    Does he know you good enough for you to tell him that you are done with the casual thing with him?
    If you are just “dating” why would you consider going away with him?
    Also why are you assuming he wants sex? Did he suggest it?
    I believe it is okay to say I do not want to have sex if I am not confident I can have it just for my own pleasure. I don’t owe any man anything.



  25.  #25Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    9: Emoticon: Oh you know what Emoticon? Your comment reminded me that I eventually created a story in my mind that the reason he was going for this other, unavailable woman (she is married), was because he was afraid he wasn’t good enough for me and that I’d dump him in half a second if I had the chance.

    That helped me a lot and it chased away most of the NV’s about me not being good enough for HIM because I KNEW I was good enough, and I KNEW I had other men pursuing me, so what wasn’t true about the fact that I was fabulous and he was lucky to have me? 😉

    10: Ruth-Aurora: – thank you! I just hope that if anybody relates to my story then they will see that there is a way out, and Rori’s helped me to see just how much my vibe affects my man. Unbelievable! 🙂

    13: Jade says:

    #7 – BW, thanks for sharing that story, I wasn’t aware of it. It’s nice to read stories like yours, it gives us all a lot of hope. Goes to show how relationships can work out when we don’t lose sight of who we are.

    It also shows how things can go out of control when we DO lose sight of who we are! But yep you CAN turn it around, and Rori (and the beautiful women on this blog) have helped me with that!

    16: Emerson: Yep, it became powerful when I 100% believed it to be true! It took me a while, but I got there!

    Oooo! Mr Recycled CD is stepping up! Yay! I’m also happy to see you’re seeing where your baggage is coming from too. TH often asks where I am and what I’m doing and how long I’ll be there etc and I know it’s just because he wants to see me and is working out how/when/where.

    Lol I LOVE your last paragraph! Yup poor guy doesn’t stand a chance! 😉

    21: Senior Lady Vibe – Yeah me too! 🙂

    Well ladies, it’s one more sleep till my day at the races! TH is worried that his suit won’t fit him (he didn’t think to try it on before I dropped it at the dry cleaner for him at his request), so we may be going suit shopping this afternoon! Silly boy!

    I’ve seen pics of him in his suit and I think he looks really hot in it. In fact, I have a “thing” for men in suits! lol



  26.  #26Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Jade, thanks for your reply and feedback! 

    Tinque, I like your “tweak” of my little speech…thanks!

    FW, yes I feel safe around him, I need to really define my boundaries around sex. I want it but I do ideally want to wait until I’m in a marriage committed relationship. Yes, he knows I don’t want a casual arrangement. I’ve been very candid because I had nothing to lose when we got back in contact. It was kind of refreshing being so open. I guess I said I’d think about his suggestion to go away together for the weekend because it truly caught me off guard, and it sounded like so much fun, I feel so comfortable with him, I didn’t want to say no up front…I wanted to think about it. I’m assuming he wants sex because he’s suggested it recently and I told him no, but I know he can sense that my body wants it and I have to kinda duke that out with myself…I have to put myself first and respect my own boundaries, and that includes defining them CLEARLY…thanks for bringing this to the forefront….

    Butterfly wings, thanks for the reply and it’s nice to hear feedback from a fellow siren!



  27.  #27Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    hmm…I am having a battle with myself and my physical needs in the immediate moment versus what I want on a deeper level with recycledCD…I don’t want to blow it and get too physical with him and miss the chance to build real connection and intimacy…and right now I feel that it’s happening in a healthy pace…also I don’t fault him for asking/wanting sex because of our history, and because he’s a man after all, and I’m an irresistable siren 🙂 but I know it’s up to me to define my boundaries and be loyal to myself



  28.  #28luzydel on August 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    I feel triggered today 🙁

    Mr TB, acted like an A hole and I dont know if I want to see him again. Yesterday he said to give him a call today to confirm our meeting. I called him around my lunch time and left a vm and that’s it I did not call again…

    Then he send me a txt saying “why are you calling me so much?” WTF? I only called him once and it was because we agreed to that. I fell so triggered, and turned off. I could continue the conversation with a FM or something like that, but I was working and I am already not feeling it anymore.

    I am starting to feel so disgusted by men in general; I try and I am open and inviting and all they do is act like real jerks. Why do I put myself in these situations?

    I am not meant for this…

    Any thoughts? Advise?



  29.  #29Plum on August 15, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    ***Maybe I can say something like:
    “I always have fun with you and I feel happy when we spend time together, so a weekend away sounds amazing. However, at this time I feel that I don’t want to have sex and therefore I have to turn down your offer, but I’d love to spend time with you this weekend nonetheless. What do you think?”***

    How about:
    “A weekend away sounds amazing, I enjoy our together time. I would love to hear about the accomodations for the night.”
    This way you don’t come up with the sex theme before he does. No assumption. You talk about you and only you. Your responsibility towards yourself is to know where your body will sleep.

    Let him answer and take it from there.
    1) If he says “Well, of course you would be in a separate room”,
    you will have to decide if you trust yourself to stay in your separate room and to not let him in when he knocks at the door at 1 in the morning or when he kisses you good night, leaning on the door lol 😉
    Same if he takes you camping, will you keep your separate tent zipped down ? lol

    2) If he says “Well I thought by now we could share a room. I promess I’ll sleep on the other bed”
    That’s when you tell him something like:
    “I don’t want to share a room with a man when there is no exclusive committed relationship leading to marriage. I feel appreciative for the invitation, the idea of a trip together did sound fun, but the accommodations don’t fit my criteria.”

    Here he might change his mind and decide to book two single rooms so you are back to case 1 where you have to decide if you trust yourself to keep you door closed 😉

    Or he might say
    “Oh well, no week end out then.”
    That’s when you might say
    “I would feel delighted to do something local. What do you think? ”

    xxx



  30.  #30Mel on August 15, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Ok…
    So my second CD went exceptionally well! It felt SO easy and like the conversation rolled along and before you know it, 2 hours had passed in the coffee shop.

    We laughed about the bee sting (thankfully not too swollen) and talked about our jobs (he’s also a teacher) and about books and movies. He said that I have very interesting hobbies and am a very eclectic person. If we never dated again, I could totally see him being a really great friend. And he’s pretty cute! 🙂

    I watched his hands and posture and fidgeting and face touching and wide eyes (thanks for the info FW) and I just leaned back and smiled sweetly and laughed and had a fun time.

    I was nervous going over but then I thought… what’s the big deal? Even if you make a fool of yourself, it’s not like you’d ever have to see him again!

    There were a few mentions of a “next time” but he didn’t ask for my phone number. He has my email though.

    So I’m going to keep flirting with everyone and going out for coffee and if he emails, great- I’d gladly accept. But the truly strange thing is that if he doesn’t, I don’t think I’d care that much. And that’s because I know that there’s at least a handful of other guys that will call.

    Yay me! That was super fun!

    Now to go and ice that bee sting! 😉



  31.  #31Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    28: luzydel – might be time for a FM! If you’re feeling confused by what he said, why not tell him so?

    Also, maybe in future, it might be best to let him do the calling. 🙂

    One thing to consider though, is that this was said in a text right? With that in mind, can you truly understand the context of what he was saying? Could it be that he was only joking?

    If you never call him, then how could his text have been serious?

    If you call him often, then could this be that you’re often leaning forward without even realising? And if that’s so, then could his response be a message you need to hear – that you’re leaning forward and need to lean back more?

    As an example, I very rarely contact TH first. And when I do, it’s never just to say hi. It’s usually because he’s asked me to contact him for whatever reason. No other reason.

    Just my thoughts on the very little I know. I hope it helps? 🙂



  32.  #32Plum on August 15, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Luzydel 28

    He either was joking (bad joke, but some think it is funny) to underline the fact it is the first time you call since you met on line.

    Or he was serious
    In this case you might email him something like
    “”The person who calls you often is not me. It is somebody else you are confusing with me.
    I am the person you asked to call you today to confirm our date. Today is the first time ever I call you since we’ve met on line. I rang your number ONCE today and that was it. Check you call list.

    I feel aggression and impatience in your question. I don’t feel welcomed. I might be mistaken, but that is what I feel. I don’t want to meet a man impatient with me. I want to meet a man happy to hear from me and happy to treat me with tenderness. I don’t think it is a good idea to meet when you are feeling impatient.””

    xxx



  33.  #33luzydel on August 15, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    BW
    He is the one who constantly call but we agree that I will call him today to confirm our meeting. he has not call after that txt, so I guess he just did not want to meet.

    I wont call him or look for him; I am not feeling it right now. I hate this games!!



  34.  #34Plum on August 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Mel

    I feel good reading your post 🙂

    I put French clay on bee sting. The hurt goes away immediately and it does not swollen. It heals way faster.

    I sound like an old record 🙂 but I am going to paste a old link from 2007 that say searchers were observing that clay does cure what penicillin can’t cure any more and French clay is a real medicine. It has nothing to do with beliefs
    http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2007/10/25/clay-cure-bacteria.html

    xxx



  35.  #35luzydel on August 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    He just called to teel me he did not mean to sound harsh with the txt. He was just having a rough day because he was called to work in his day off. I wanted to use an fm then he put me on hold, then he came back and I sensed the pissy mood again. He said the weather is bad and I do not feel like driving. I said ok no problem, but I am feeling triggered by his behavior.

    It is a little rough and I feel pushed to the side sort of speak…



  36.  #36Mel on August 15, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Where would I get French clay Plum?



  37.  #37luzydel on August 15, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    I read a lot about getting emotionally connected with a man; but how? I have not been able to use a decent FM because these men seem to be shut down and I feel so unwelcomed by them.

    I wanted to say something to Mr. TB but he was so withdrawn and sort of mad… ugh!!!



  38.  #38Mel on August 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    LOL… my forehead’s really quite swollen! I can’t believe I went out on a date like that! HA HA!

    He said that will teach me for being cocky and going out without a veil.



  39.  #39Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    29 @ Plum
    Love it.
    🙂



  40.  #40Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    I GOT THE JOB!!! Yeah, you know who I am….



  41.  #41Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Mel,
    I feel happy to hear that your CD went well! It’s a great place to be where you don’t mind if they call / email or not….because you are successfully CDing in Goddess fashion! Woot woot!



  42.  #42Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Yay yay yay yay Esteemed!!!! So so so soooo happy for you! Congratulations! xxxxx

    This is your turning point you know – I can feel it! 🙂



  43.  #43Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    Luzydel – I suppose now it’s up to you to decide if you want to be with somebody who can be moody like he has been. Or, if he ever gives you the chance, you can try some FM’s on him and see if they make a difference.

    Good on you though, for standing your ground and not chasing after him. Let him call you if he wants to see you. I’m sorry he turned out like he has, but maybe it’s just a “glitch” and very unlike his normal personality?

    I suppose time will tell and you get to decide if he gets another chance! xx



  44.  #44luzydel on August 15, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    BW

    This attitude started today, he has bee nice before; so I am not taking it too personal because this may not have anything to do with me. I am not totally going crazy for him; there is a connection, but it is not as strong as I felt for other CD’s. I am keeping the door open, good if he stays or good if he leaves. I reopened my POF and will bring at least 2 more guys to my rotation ( I have no time or space for more). We will see, I am sot of giving up with men; I feel like I am chasing pavements.



  45.  #45T-Girl on August 15, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    KS – you will be able to get through this fine on the other end. Just think of this time as freeing up your time to meet someone that doesn’t just throw you crumbs.



  46.  #46Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    KS (((HUGS))) to you….
    You can get through it with the support of the sirens and you are a beautiful siren yourself!!

    It will only mean that a better match is on the way to you…Like I’ve been told by other sirens, ask for and visualize what you want, not what you DONT want!

    Hi T-girl 🙂



  47.  #47Mel on August 15, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Quick question…

    After a date do you ever send a quick “thanks, had a nice time” email/text? Or is it better to just not do anything?

    Not sure on the etiquette.



  48.  #48Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    KS my prayers are with you. You can do this. The change in you could possibly inspire him to heal. However your healing and dropping of the drama is what is important here. Look for a practice that resonates with you to work through this. Prayer, tapping, meditation, deep breathing, whatever works for you. You will survive and you will come out stronger and more powerful because you will get all your energy back. Make your commitment and whenever you come to the crossroad to go back into the cycle just review that commitment to yourself. You are worth it.



  49.  #49Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    RE 48 Did you say thank you at the end of the date Mel?



  50.  #50T-Girl on August 15, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Hi Emerson 🙂



  51.  #51T-Girl on August 15, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Mel, I understand that texting or e-mailing thank you is leaning forward therefore masculine.



  52.  #52Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    48 Mel
    No, it’s leaning forward to send a message after a date….wait for him to contact you…he knows how to reach you…

    I used to do this alot! Like send a text saying thanks I had a great time or what not, and sometimes if the guy didn’t reply then I felt kinda akward…. 🙄 but regardless, it was leaning forward…so just wait



  53.  #53Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    50 good point FW…I was “assuming” she said thank you at the end of the date…. 🙂



  54.  #54Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    RE 30 Mel Imagine you were not at your best. To me that was totally vulnerable and it doesn’t seem to have grossed him out. Isn’t that just absolutely amazing that you can relax and be yourself no matter what. Congrats.



  55.  #55Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Aww you ladies I am feeling so thankful and warm towards all of you…it’s been so helpful having you all to turn to and it has helped me soo much….

    I used to think I was being “selfish” or “difficult” when I didn’t want to do something for a man or cook for him etc….I was always trying to be so “nice” and accommodating…i.e., CODEPENDENT….

    now I feel so FREE that I’m not supposed to be doing that unless I feel comfortable or he’s my husband…seems some of the old fashioned values are true after all. I don’t think my Mom ever cooked for any man before she met and married my Dad!!And they are still happily married!



  56.  #56Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Butterfly Wings,

    RE: #42 – Thank you! Yes, I can feel this is my turning point, too, and my new name is part of that celebration!



  57.  #57Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    I am not convinced it is leaning forward, especially if she forgot to say thank you. If however she is doing it to get a second date, then I would absolutely say no. However, erring on the side of caution and leaning back could help to show how interested he is if he still asks for a second date. Is my opinion.

    I have developed the habit to focus on saying thank you to all men, no matter what they offer me. Even if it is standing back in the elevator and allowing me to exit ahead of them. It helps me to stay focussed on being appreciative, though sometimes I do forget and have to correct myself. I believe it is a good habit to develop so it become second nature eventually.



  58.  #58alias girl on August 15, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    wow. i feel like i am growing by leaps and bounds.

    i am making the most unpredictable decisions just based on my feelings. and lo and behold, i am moving in a direction that FEELS GOOD.

    and i feel amazed as each moment unfolds for me. really. just freaking amazed.

    thank you.



  59.  #59Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    (((KS))),

    Sorry to hear about the pain you are going thru. Sounds like you made a strong decision, tho, that will serve you in the long term. I will pray for you when you come to mind, that God will send you a man who is worthy of you…very quickly.

    Love, Esteemed



  60.  #60Brenda on August 15, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Hello,

    I am turning a new leaf in my life and thus my name. It is also to protect myself in the long term from a person or two that could cause trouble for me. I am building my self-esteem, and I am choosing to feel esteemed, even tho sometimes I still struggle.

    Love, Brenda



  61.  #61Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Esteemed congrats on the job!!! 🙂



  62.  #62Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Luzydel you can say “I noticed” this or that in your facial expression or that in your body language and I sense that you are mad or angry about something. Is this a good time or do you want us to meet at another time?

    With first dates I experiment with all kinds of things. It is supposed to be fun and if there is none I can’t see why I should spend more than 15 – 20 minutes.



  63.  #63Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Alias Girl,

    Yay! Applauding from the sidelines!



  64.  #64Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    Emerson,

    Thanks! I am so happy to finally be back at work after 8.5 months! Now I’m hot on the trail of an apartment, hopefully somewhat near the job.



  65.  #65Emerson on August 15, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    Esteemed, I LOVE your new name~!!
    I’m so happy for you in starting your new chapter!
    Love and hugs to you xoxo (((Esteemed)))!!!
    Love,
    Emerson



  66.  #66T-Girl on August 15, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Esteemed – I am so happy for you!! Are you going to celebrate?



  67.  #67nikita on August 15, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    i like hanging up on men that say things that don’t feel good.

    go me.

    click.



  68.  #68Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Emerson admitting that you want sex for your pleasure would be vulnerable. However if you are going to feel guilty or beat up yourself afterward, if that is your pattern maybe you could share that with? And tell him in what context you have decided to open up to sex. To be totally do you need someone who you are sure will be there for you afterwards and who will protect your emotions? I would encourage you to really go deep into yourself to see what you really want. I also believe it is okay also to be confused about it and not just jump in with both feet.



  69.  #69nikita on August 15, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    i am grateful for when my ex acts like an asshole, as it reminds me to appreciate how sweet and wonderful the other men are.

    contrast is a good thing

    contrast is good

    contrast is good



  70.  #70Mel on August 15, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Ha ha! That’s why I ask FW. I don’t remember if I thanked him! I think I might have said It was nice to meet you or something equally lame. LOL 🙂

    I don’t want to lean forward… but I don’t want him to think I’m not interested either. This is all new to me.



  71.  #71Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    Mel you can never tell what another person is thinking. If you did not say thank you I believe a quik one via text is fine. Just be mindful you might never hear from him again and be committed to forgetting about him.



  72.  #72Mel on August 15, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    How should such a thing be said?

    I feel silly that I may have forgotten to thank you. So thanks!



  73.  #73FlowerChild77 on August 15, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Esteemed…I love it!! Congratulations on the new job—and the new leaf! I’m so happy for you! 🙂



  74.  #74Femininewoman on August 15, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    I would just say I enjoyed …………thank you.



  75.  #75Mel on August 15, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    Ok, thanks! Off to bed now… maybe a little antihistamine might be in order!



  76.  #76alias girl on August 15, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    some guy just sent me an email on pof and attached a picture of three different men.

    one was a white supremist looking dude and one was an elderly hispanic guy. and then one was a younger dark haired guy.

    do i get to pick?

    i felt highly amused. just as amusing as the woman who was hitting me with her rug outside the 99cent store one day.

    oh, i never told you that story. well it was funny. makes me laugh to this day.

    i told her “stop. i don’t want people hitting me with their rugs.”



  77.  #77alias girl on August 15, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    #64 thank you esteemed. 🙂



  78.  #78alias girl on August 15, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    and another guy on pof who was only available on wedsnesdays.

    i said “i don’t want to date a man who is only available on wedsnesdays to “hang out.”

    his reply “well we don’t have to date we can just hang out. be friends.”

    i was like “no. i don’t want that.”

    and before i hung up i said “good luck with your divorce.” but he didn’t hear me. i had sort of mumbled it.



  79.  #79alias girl on August 15, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    and there is also the other side of the coin. i talked to a pof man earlier who was very nice, a little nervous. and he is going to call in a few days to set up a lunch date or meet or something.



  80.  #80alias girl on August 15, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Mr. Wednesday night special had told me he had two kids but no wife. uh. ok.

    whatever. not interested.



  81.  #81Lucy on August 15, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Esteemed, I feel so excited and happy for you about the job! Will you be moving to MD? We need to get together. Maybe we can meet at that new diner sometime soon. This is the first I have read the blog in ages… hi everyone! Things are going very well with this special man. Plum, I felt intrigued by that attachment stuff u posted. It didn’t say anything abt when u are preoccupied w the relationship but not comfortable w intimacy. I find myself struggling w that a bit…but he is so secure and patient w my



  82.  #82Lucy on August 15, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    fears, disconnnects, triggers, and pullbacks. He feels a little sad when I struggle, bc he loves me and wants me to feel good and stay close, but he’s so good abt it and he understands. He is absolutely wonderful and I feel so blessed. So grateful too for Rori and all you sirens who have helped me get to this point. Love to you all. <3 Lucy



  83.  #83Nikita on August 15, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    Haha! I feel so much better! The asshole gets it.
    It’s my dog, asshole and I don’t want her eating questionable treats. Get it? I don’t care if you’re annoyed……it’s my dog. End of story 🙂

    Mommy’s happy now



  84.  #84Nikita on August 15, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    No. Not happy. I only feel relieved, sigh.



  85.  #85mary on August 15, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    well, i don’t know what’s gonna happen now!

    basically i broke up with MM and he said okay, but he just waned to talk with me before you leave town. so we met. and all he said was “i don’t want to break up.” and he was sweet about it. and i should have said, “yes, we’re breaking up for good,” but i didn’t. i just let it go. then left town.

    now i’m back. he wanted to pick me up at the airport but it was an all day trip and i opted for the airport shuttle. we met that evening though. and on the way to his house (yes, i drove there because it was a good place to have the privacy we needed, and because i just moved and didn’t want him coming here) i told myself i would break up with him.

    but i couldn’t.

    so now, i don’t really want to be a girlfriend. but we’ve been very, very close. you know, boyfriend/girlfriend for almost a year. i don’t want that any more. i don’t want to always have to tell him where i am, what i’m doing, how much i spend and who i’m with. and i don’t want him to take it for granted that we’re doing something together all the time – you know, running errands together and all that.

    but… i’m not sure i want to give up on him.

    it’s not really working for me to move away from him or to move closer to him.

    the third way – where i tell him i’ll be dating other men, or where i just start dating other men without telling him – seems too harsh for me.

    it’s either break up or carry on. and i don’t want to do either.

    i’m starting to do to him what my ex did to me! and that was pretty horrible. he was so unable to commit.

    now i can’t commit.

    how do i choose what to do?

    anybody have any suggestions?



  86.  #86mary on August 15, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    Lucy, I’m happy about your new man! Hello… I’m just dropping in as I do occasionally.



  87.  #87la chiquita bonita on August 15, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    i cant help at times feel roris advice difficult especially because there are so many people who advice differently ( love experts). I have trouble not taking action when im interested in a man. I start to wonder what if i lean back like rori says he will just assume im not interested and dissapear. what if i am so relaxed that he thinks im boring… i dont know i feel confused but i feel this way because a part of me feels good trusting roris advice over others but its really dam challenging. i wonder if sometimes men test me to see if im interested because of my laid back nature…its as if i lean back too much so they give up. i dont know i feel confused
    christian carter says that part of being attractive is a woman who knows what she wants, takes action, is interesting/spontaneous, and can also connect with a man through intellectual attraction but rori says that love doesnt connect through the mind.
    maybe im misinterpreting leaning back because im becoming a bit lazy with men and dont put any effort at all and when i show up i just follow but dont put my full heart into it im afraid of messing up ugggggghhhh i feel frustrated!!i am analyzing roris advcice which teaches not to and to feel!! but if i express my feelings the guys on the date will think im intense i mean i just feel like i will come off as a diva!



  88.  #88Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Emerson and T-Girl,

    RE: #66-67 – Thank you for your kind words! Yes, I am going to celebrate my new job! It’s been a long time coming! Hmmm, how should I celebrate? LOL!



  89.  #89Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    Lucy,

    RE: #82-83 – Yay! Congratulations! I’m so happy things are going well for you and your new man! Are you going to give him a nickname? You have waited so long for this!!

    Yes, I am sorry I haven’t been better about staying in touch with you lately. I sent you the email unsuccessfully and then unsuccessfully tried to paste it in your FB and gave up. I’ve been a combination of extremely busy and under a lot of stress, and not managing stuff well like staying in touch with people.

    Which new diner are you referring to? Yeah, maybe that’s how I could celebrate my new job, by going out with you!



  90.  #90Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    FlowerChild,

    RE: #74 – Thank you!



  91.  #91Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    Lucy,

    RE: #82 – P.S. No, I’m going to stay in my home state. Just going to try to find a place a little further south. It is so good to see you back on here! It felt weird without you here! You seem like part of the blog…did you get a computer yet?



  92.  #92English Woman on August 15, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    #25 BW

    Great point about making up “the story” to suit ourselves and turning it around to serve us not letting the NV’s have a voice, well done. 🙂



  93.  #93Esteemed on August 15, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    La Chiquita Bonita,

    RE: #88 – Recently Rori said the only way leaning back works is if you use lots of welcoming, heart-unzipping feeling messages in the process. Picture yourself as a lighthouse, and welcome the man into your heart. Your soft, loving feeling messages welcome him in.

    Speaking for myself here, I see nothing wrong whatsoever with talking with a man on an intellectual level. For example, my relationship with R was established thru him asking me extensive questions about theology, a common interest of ours. That was the basis of his attraction, and early on, he said, “I love spending time with you!” When things got more involved, Rori’s feeling messages and leaning back have been my salvation.

    Hope that helps.



  94.  #94Emoticon on August 15, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Okay, so yes he is in love with this girl who has him on an emotional roller coaster and keeps saying she loves him and turning around and saying she doesnt want to be with him. So i guess Butterfly Wings… this must be another case of your guy.

    I love the way your story ends, but i’m not sure who I want to end my story. Right now I am just wondering if he’s capable! Well time for me to make up my story and get those NVs to stfu. They lie to me and make me feel inadequate.



  95.  #95English Woman on August 15, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    #40 Esteemed

    YAY YAY!!!!! It is all lining up for you and that is so great!!!

    I dreamt of you last night and you were visiting me in England and I got up in the morning and you were sitting at the table with your hair in a towel like you’d just had a shower and were painting your fingernails LOL!! Go Figure, maybe it was a vision of when you get back on track and are able to afford holidays (vacations) 😀



  96.  #96English Woman on August 15, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    #45 KS

    {{{{ HUGS }}}}}

    Well done for doing what you did. Do come on here for support and love when you are feeling bad.

    Take Care x



  97.  #97English Woman on August 15, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    #83 Lucy

    Wow so good to hear from you, I have been reading the archives as I struggle to get back into Siren mode and have been reading old posts of you and SS and Lizzie and Renee and wondering where you all where, did she find “him” or whatever and that’s why they are no longer on here, so lovely to see you with a good man. It gives me hope. 🙂



  98.  #98English Woman on August 15, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    p.s. Lucy I was BarbinOz last time around….



  99.  #99Butterfly Wings on August 16, 2011 at 3:08 am

    95: Emoticon – yep it seems like a similar story. I suppose your role in this is to lean RIGHT back and let him realise for himself that you’re the best woman (if, as you say, he’s even capable of that).

    Went suit shopping with TH today which was nice. We then had a heap of running around to do with his suit needing to be altered and I had to pick my daughter up from school as well so it was a very busy afternoon!

    Now I’m trying to work out what to do with my hair for the races tomorrow. My hair is quite long so I’m thinking of leaving it down, using my hair straightener to curl it, pulling back one side, and attaching the fascinator (flower with feathers!). Now to work out if my flat hair will actually curl…!



  100.  #100Plum on August 16, 2011 at 3:57 am

    Mel

    I don’t know where in Canada.
    You might want to ask a pharmacist (drug store) or in the beauty shops where you get facial massages and mud treatments and in the natural food shops (health stores).
    You never know they might have the real French clay. Ask them for the brand Argiletz.
    Or google it, a Canadian shopping website might pop up on your side.

    It seems that Canada has its own green clay, try it.
    You will see the first time you burnt your hand or bruise your knee or cut your finger or another bee sting or a boil, acne etc… You put the clay directly on the wound and the pain goes away, you feel it going away; put as much clay on top of the wound until you stop feeling the pain.
    And nothing gets swollen, the inflammation vanishes, the skin regenerates really fast, you will notice.
    If that’s not what happens, then you’ll know it NOT the healing type of clay, throw it away.
    Check the Canadian health or food stamp on the product. (I don’t know what’s the law like over there.)

    Argiletz is the brand I buy in France, I trust the content because I buy it from pharmacists and because I’ve been using it for several years.. I buy the green illite clay and I transport in my hand bag the small tube of ready to use paste.
    http://www.argiletz.com/en/store/green-clay-paste-ready-use

    I am weary of unknown brands.
    It can be dangerous. Many clays don’t kill the bacteria and don’t regenerate the cells.
    So I stick to that one French brand: Argiletz. I am sure it is active.
    The “ventilated” Argiletz clay is the one to buy if we want to drink clay.

    Xxx



  101.  #101Plum on August 16, 2011 at 4:00 am

    Mel

    The Argiletz sold on this American site seems to be the REAL Argiletz.
    http://www.sunclaytherapy.com/catalog_clay3.html#1

    It depends where it comes out cheaper, in a Canadian health store of from a web site, including the price of the transportation.

    xxx



  102.  #102Jade on August 16, 2011 at 4:18 am

    Esteemed, you got the job! I’m so glad for you! Way to go, girl! 🙂



  103.  #103Jade on August 16, 2011 at 4:24 am

    All that leaning back stuff is making me freak out a little bit since I’m such an expressive person when I meet someone I click with. I wonder if I’ll ever pull it off.

    So I do understand how some of you might get confused with it.

    Scary…



  104.  #104Jade on August 16, 2011 at 4:26 am

    I wish there was a way to search for a particular subject on this site, without me having to go through all the different threads/categories. Is there?



  105.  #105Mel on August 16, 2011 at 4:31 am

    Thanks Plum! I’ll keep my eyes open for it!

    Although this morning that may be difficult. My right eye is almost swollen shut… it got worse over night. I’m applying ice, but I may have to make a trip to the pharmacy to see if I can find some clay and perhaps some antihistamine.



  106.  #106Violet on August 16, 2011 at 4:33 am

    Hello Sirs and Sirens…

    I read about Sirens going out with friends. I read about them CDing.

    1) I have one best girl friend. She has a bf and isn’t the type to ‘go out’.

    I have one best guy friend and would feel I’m using him and our friendship as a basis to meet other men. That doesn’t feel right to me and I’m not going to do something that doesn’t feel right.

    2) I can’t remember the last time I got asked out on a date.

    I don’t do the bar scene. I won’t go out with a man desparate for a relationship, is a complete wacka-doodle, someone I’m not physically attracted to.

    3) Repeat Number Two. I ‘rarely’ get asked on dates.

    If and when I do agree to meet a man, my gut instinct tells me something isn’t right. I try to give the benefit of the doubt.

    One meeting I went to.. The man almost spent the entire time married to his cell phone.

    I told him I wasn’t interested in a man who acted this way from ‘the get go’. I agreed to give him a second chance date.

    Before we met, I looked and found him on Facebook. Lo, and behold. His profile indicated he was ‘married’.

    He did say his divorce was legal at the first meeting. For me to read ‘married’ on Facebook told a different story.

    Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. I mentioned this to him at the second chance meeting. He immediately goes into defense mode and says he’s definitely NOT married.

    I told him it wasn’t my intention to put him on the defensive… Just letting him know what I read. Period.

    Like I said… Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. I haven’t heard from him since.

    Here’s the kicker. His FB profile still says he’s married.

    So… Here goes with Miss Violet. I know I don’t ‘need’ a man. I’m laying it flat on the line when I say I’m sick and flippin’ tired of not having one around.

    People can say all this and that about how that may be lack of confidence, not accepting where I am, or whatever. I’m saying it loud and clear that I want a good man in my life to lean on.

    I’m 55 yrs old and feel like I deserve something for myself.

    On a side note… I’ve been going through some heavy duty stress and depression. Now may not be the best time in the world to even seek or want a man. In fact, it’s probably unadvisable.

    There was a time I felt on top of the world, everything was copastetic, I was the Siren Extroidennaire. Now, I feel like I was fooling myself and trying to be something I’m not.

    Whatever I do, I feel I need to be true to myself. I tried tools that Rori’s suggested. In the long run… I didn’t feel I was being true to my nature. Like ‘why in the sam hell do I need to do anything to be this (Rori) Siren!?

    I’m a (Violet) Siren who is true to my feelings. There’s not amount of tools on the planet that will change that.

    I’m tired of ‘waiting’ for Mr. He-Man of the universe to sweep me off my little a$$ and ride off into lala land.

    anyways… I may not have made any sense to anyone but myself. I had to get this crap out of me before it ate me alive.

    I’m way past tired of apologizing for who I am. I know who I am inside. If anyone can’t see that, or accept that. Then, they really don’t deserve my time of day. I’m done with trying to convince men I can be trusted.

    I’ve heard this saying that, ‘You have to go through a lot of bad apples to find one good one in the bunch’.

    I’m like… Okay, this entire barrel of apples is compromised in one way or another. It’s like the apples turned into applesauce, so I might as well give it up, call it a day, and walk away from the whole entire bunch. That’s what I’ve done.

    I want back into dating on my own terms. Where do ladies go if their not into the bar scene? What alternatives do they have if dating sites fizzle out? I’d really like to know because going out dancing with the same mix of people isn’t getting anywhere as far as meeting men.

    Suggestions? Comments? Jokes? Recipes? POSITIVE feedback? Whatever? I’d like some serious responses to this one.

    ~ Violet ~



  107.  #107Emoticon on August 16, 2011 at 4:35 am

    Butterfly Wings, I like the sound of it, sounds like a really cute hairstyle!
    And yes you’re very right, I need to lean way back. Which I can totally do, I have self control, I have all the time in the world to decide which road I’m going to take and I am really going have to find some fun stuff to do when I get to Baltimore!

    And yes Jade. Leaning back is hard to get used to especially when you are so used to doing otherwise. Also, so much constitutes leaning forward that we are not even aware of. Let’s just say leaning forward is pretty much doing ANYTHING. heehee ^_^

    Now as for you Emoticon LEAN BACK!

    have a great day ladies. 🙂 Manifesting some money for school today and this week.



  108.  #108Plum on August 16, 2011 at 4:42 am

    Way to go ChampEsteem!
    😉

    Have you done a little dance step to celebrate? Have the dogs gone crazy dancing around you? I hope so 🙂

    Has the lady come up to check what the fuss was about?
    Did she applaud and dance with you?

    Ha ha ha my imagination is running silly, like in a Mary Poppins scenario 🙂
    I feel happy for you 🙂

    xxx



  109.  #109Plum on August 16, 2011 at 4:46 am

    If you find the clay, no need for antihistamine or anything else. That’s the beauty of it.

    xxx



  110.  #110Emoticon on August 16, 2011 at 4:53 am

    Im sorry Violet, that you’re frustrated and all of that. I’m probably not the best person to advise you on a change of scene. (I’m 21 and im pretty convinced my tastes would be different). I remember feeling like i hated parties once though, because it seemed like i kept meeting the same people all the time. Then i just stopped looking at all… I started going out, not with the intention of meeting guys. I would just go somewhere because I felt like it. So I ended up doing a lot of random fun stuff with old friends, people i just met, and because of that I was meeting people from all different circles and all different walks of life.

    Unfortunately at that time I had no idea how to CD or any of that, so some of em really got let go without even getting a chance with me because I had (in error) completely devoted myself to one guy who I really knew nothing about.

    Now I know 🙂 i really hope I have helped you in some way. I’m aware you have one girlfriend and one guy friend, but maybe you can start out with making friends at a function for one of your interests e.g If you are in a dance ensemble and they have a fundraising dinner party or something, that would be a nice place to meet new people, even if its a group of girls that you can go out with on weekends.

    Keep hope alive and all the best. You are on my heart this morning and I feel ur hopelessness a little bit. I don’t want you to give up. Please remain positive!



  111.  #111Mel on August 16, 2011 at 4:54 am

    How long do I leave the clay on… seeing as I don’t really want to walk around with clay on my face all day! 😉



  112.  #112Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 5:21 am

    Violet,

    Church, the AppleStore, Dog Parks, Supermarkets, Horseraces, Theatres, the Gym



  113.  #113Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 5:22 am

    Mel baking soda is an household alternative or apple cide vinegar if you have them. I meant to mention it yesterday



  114.  #114Emoticon on August 16, 2011 at 5:22 am

    There we go. Feminine Woman can tell you better than I.



  115.  #115Plum on August 16, 2011 at 5:23 am

    Mel

    You put a thick layer where it hurts and where it is inflammatory and further around to make sure you don’t miss an inflammatory spot.
    You make the layer as thick as it hurts.
    At some stage you will feel relieved (if the clay is the good one)
    You stop putting clay.
    You go on doing whatever you have to do. No need to put a bandage over the clay, just leave it be, it will dry on your skin.

    Within a couple of hours it should become dried. Before it is totally dried, clean it off.
    The idea is to avoid wearing the clay totally dried.

    See how it looks, it should be less red, and you put new layers of clay.

    You keep doing that until it is not swollen at all and not red at all.
    The ideal is to keep the clay on the damaged part as long as it is not cured.
    But if you have to go outside, may be you will have to interrupt the treatment, and get cleaned lol
    Unless you don’t mind keeping a tiny spot of clay right on the bite hole, even when you are outside. With a tiny band aid to cover the tiny green spot?

    Every time you come back home, go back to the treatment.

    Xxx



  116.  #116Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 5:25 am

    Emoticon he might be addicted to drama because of his childhood. Maybe time to pull out your inner drama queen too.



  117.  #117Emoticon on August 16, 2011 at 5:27 am

    Maybe, but for my own sake, i try to tone down that type of drama. I dont like it, and if thats what he needs in a relationship then I really need to be dating other, less dramatic people.



  118.  #118Jupiter2 on August 16, 2011 at 5:30 am

    Esteemed ..the job news is amazing and I am very pleased for you.

    I am sure things are now on the up and up for you . And for Mel too . It’s great reading all the good news.

    I am winding back my dating as I am moving soon .

    I feel many sad feelings about the move. Mostly it’s old G man associations coming up for me and a feeling of getting
    very old and jaded to be dating with no “result” years after my marriage ended. A result for me would be to be in a relationship with a good and loving man.

    I think I have been dating two avoidants (thanks Plum). It would feel good to meet someone secure.

    Docman calls occasionally , emails and texts regularly and wants regular dates. But , no sex, not even serious kissing
    and that’s after5 months. I want someone who wants all of me! I want and need to feel sexy and loved.I think he is dating others now. I may be filed in the friend zone.

    The other one is wanting me to chase him I think..no way ! He is the one I think is a permanent batchelor. When he
    heard I was moving he cooled .obviously his attraction is not sufficient to stand up to a 90 min drive.

    I was obviously avoid ant myself when I was recovering and I attracted avoid ant people to have a non-relationship with.

    But I feel my old nature coming back and I long for intimacy .it may be challenging to find in the smaller pond to which I am moving for family reasons…sigh.

    New name day 🙂



  119.  #119Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 5:30 am

    RE 88 La Chiquita CCarter says it is only one of the ways to connect with a man. He also emphasizes emotional attraction. My understanding is yes he says go for what you want in that you don’t allow the man to make all the decisions about the relationship and you should be who you are. To me his coaching is very similar to Rori’s because he says don’t chase the man and don’t be the one doing everything in the relationship. He is big on improving your inner game (thoughts, beliefs, emotions).



  120.  #120Jupiter2 on August 16, 2011 at 5:32 am

    Avoid ants ! What a giggle , iPad autocomplete…



  121.  #121Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 5:33 am

    RE 118 Yes but you can experiment to see what you create. Also if your inner drama queen is suppressed and in any way spilling out sideways you will not be able to connect with a man. Just somethign to explore. I know what you mean though.



  122.  #122Emoticon on August 16, 2011 at 5:33 am

    I’m feeling really bad about him. He is toxic. Thats how Im feeling. He waits for when he knows im online to tweet about this girl. At first i thought he might be trying to make me jealous. Right now i dont know what to think. And quite frankly its really much easier to dismiss the thought of him altogether than to try to figure out what is wrong with him. Thats really none of my business.



  123.  #123Jupiter2 on August 16, 2011 at 5:38 am

    KS ..many hugs. I went through exactly this over the imaginary relationship with G. It had a nasty ending with lies and betrayal when I was very sick and vulnerable . I hope you never have to bear that. Fortunately I am good at bouncing back , and i am pretty sure you are too, but it is true that it may take a long time to be fully free. I still occasionally shed a tear fro the lost intimacy , the lost friendship, the lost adventures.

    But mostly it was lost DREAMS..not enough to grow old with :). You are smart to know this and take action.



  124.  #124Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 5:39 am

    Jupiter2 are you new here? Nice name



  125.  #125Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 5:40 am

    Emoticon that’s right. Plus if he is not in front of you he does not exist.



  126.  #126Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 5:41 am

    Oh Rosa.



  127.  #127English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 5:45 am

    #119 Jupiter2

    Now you have me intrigued with the name change……….mmmmm who was the Siren with Docman???? Thinking thinking……..begins with R and lives in Australia???



  128.  #128Jupiter2 on August 16, 2011 at 5:47 am

    Hi FW , yes , I am a Saggi though iPad thinks I said sagging! (that too )

    And then there was Space Family Robinson ..jupiter2 was the mother ship .

    I am off to bed but hoping all sirens well and happy .



  129.  #129Plum on August 16, 2011 at 5:47 am

    ohhh Jupiter2 I am going to email you tonight 🙂

    xxx



  130.  #130Plum on August 16, 2011 at 5:49 am

    121: Jupiter2

    lol
    Lillybelle would be rollling on the floor 🙂

    xxx



  131.  #131Jupiter2 on August 16, 2011 at 5:49 am

    Hi English barbie !



  132.  #132English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Am kinding of thinking along the lines of Jupiter and Violet, it all seems quite hopeless and pointless at times as you get older, I find it hard to get excited and revved up over dates – and there is that SCARED part of me that has stopped mebarely replying to anybody on POF……..like why can’t it all just be easy as in when family and friends met their partner and just dated that one until they got married………I too do have doubts sometimes about this CD’ing though I do see the value of the lean back stuff and all that………….

    Not very much in the Vortex today. 🙁



  133.  #133Jupiter2 on August 16, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Where is bellylille ? I was wondering



  134.  #134Jupiter2 on August 16, 2011 at 5:53 am

    Thanks Plum ..this spaceship is heading on an intergalactic pleasure cruise soon, will be brushing up my sadly uneducated Francais !



  135.  #135Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 6:17 am

    @119: Jupiter2

    Your post had a secret magic message for me. I love it when I get these. Hooray! I now have a bigger smile on my face.

    Have a good day and give pup a nice pat.

    😀

    xoxo



  136.  #136Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 6:22 am

    @Plum

    I’m intrigued by the Argiletz green clay and I’m going to look for some. If I found a tube of it and put it in the refrigerator, how long could I keep it? Would it be good indefintely or would I have to toss it after a while?

    Thanks. 😀

    xoxo



  137.  #137Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 6:30 am

    Haven’t Lilybelle in a couple of days. I hope it is because all is well.



  138.  #138Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 6:32 am

    @ Esteemed

    Congratulations! 😀

    xoxo



  139.  #139Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 6:34 am

    ROFL 😆



  140.  #140Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 6:43 am

    @133: English Woman says:
    “…Not very much in the Vortex today…”

    Dunno… maybe whoever is in the Vortex will be waiting for you whenever you are ready to step through the portal… Or maybe there are a whole stag line of guys there walking around in an every revolving loop and you’ll join hands with whoever is at the top of the loop when you step through.

    It’s a magical mystery. We never know who we might meet just by lingering a few minutes longer at the coffee shop. Did you ever see Gwyneth Paltrow in the movie “Sliding Doors?” I believe she might have stepped into and out of the Vortex. Very interesting.
    😀

    xoxo



  141.  #141Plum on August 16, 2011 at 6:56 am

    Lucy 82

    This might be what you wanted to read?
    http://www.attachedthebook.com/2011/03/reader-question-4-what-advice-do-you-have-for-me-if-im-anxious-avoidant/

    I am not sure if you can click on links from your phone… In case you can’t, I might want to paste it.

    “””””Reader Question #4:
    What advice do you have for me if I’m anxious-avoidant?

    “Jodi”, asked us the following question:

    After finding and reading your book this weekend, I, too, think of myself as an Anxious-Avoidant.  I write to you to suggest that maybe those of us with this rare attachment type are responding to the information provided in the book in droves because we feel that finally we fit into a category.  But honestly, I was hoping to find much more information on this type because telling us that we should read both the Anxious and Avoidant Attachment information and find what fits with us feels rather general, incomplete, and frustrating.
    Any specific information tailored to the small sect would be wonderfully appreciated.
    ________________________________________________

    Our Response:

    You raise an important point and we gave the matter a lot of thought when writing the book.  One of the reasons we didn’t focus on the fourth attachment style, sometimes called “fearful”/”fearful-avoidant” in our book, is that we based our work on research studies and much of the research focuses on 3 styles and not 4. 
    When Hazan and Shaver first discovered that attachment styles could be applied to adults, they only talked about 3 styles, it was only later that a fourth style was “discovered” and much of the research continued to address the first three.

    We find it most helpful in many respects to make a distinction between two broad categories, secure and insecure.
    People with insecure attachment styles can be either anxious or avoidant or anxious-avoidant, but in a sense people with insecure attachment styles all have the same baseline starting point—they’re all very sensitive to attachment issues in the relationship and they’re not good at expressing their feelings and communicating. So the underlying sensitivity is the same but the strategy people who are avoidant or anxious use is diametrically opposed—anxious protest, while avoidants repress.
    In many ways it’s easier, therefore, to shift from anxious to avoidant than to secure because you’re not changing the underlying sensitivity, you’re just changing the strategy you choose to deal with it.
    Research does show that under severe stress people with avoidant attachment styles react in an anxious manner.

    Since you use both strategies to deal with a sensitive attachment system if you have an anxious-avoidant style, it’s best to learn all you can about both the anxious and the avoidant styles. We give this suggestion not as an afterthought, but rather very intentionally — if you tend to deal with this sensitive system sometimes by suppressing and other times by protesting, you need to get a more in-depth understanding of both mechanisms and the chapters offer a great deal of breadth on both.

    Questions from both categories, like:
    What kind of protest behavior do I use?
    Which deactivating strategies do I use?
    When do I use these?
    How do I communicate my needs?
    etc., are the key to reaching more security for the fourth style.
    You need to know both strategies to use the relationship inventory appropriately.

    The best solution, in the long run, is to change the underlying attachment in such a way that it will be less sensitive — which means that you will have to do less suppressing and less protesting. You do so by becoming more secure.
    Ideas presented throughout the book about how secure people navigate relationships, can help you do so, regardless of your style. 
    Specifically, priming security, or finding secure role models in your life, has been shown by research to be a very helpful and powerful tool.

    ____________________________________________________

    “Jodi’s” response:

    Thank you for the detailed reply!  You are probably very right about the fact that I should now focus my energy on becoming more secure rather than obsessing over how I already am. 
    I will definitely reread the chapters with a more open mind and heart.
    Thank you again!
    ___________________________________________________

    Thank you, “Jodi”, for the great question and for your open-mindedness!

    Posted by Rachel Heller on 03.18.2011””””””

    xxx



  142.  #142Plum on August 16, 2011 at 7:00 am

    Find out your attachement style and your date’s attachment style

    http://www.attachedthebook.com/compatibility-quiz/

    xxx



  143.  #143Esteemed on August 16, 2011 at 7:49 am

    English Woman,

    Re: #96 – That is so awesome about your dream! I love it! I have always wanted to travel to Europe! I want to see so many countries, and especially England and Ireland.

    Yes, I feel far more peaceful about how things are coming together, even tho they are still not together. Baby steps is getting me there. today I am doing a bunch of home-hunting.



  144.  #144Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 8:13 am

    SLV, now I feel intrigued and want to see that movie “Sliding doors”….sounds interesting.

    English Woman, I feel the same way sometimes where I find it hard to get excited about dating and mingling thru online profiles….I feel so “MEH” about the guys who are writing me sometimes, they have bad grammar or lots of kids or too many tattoos…I still try to remain open and give them a chance. But, I feel so bored and turned off sometimes.

    I’ve learned to be true to those feelings and take a break from “browsing”…and focus on myself and my hair or nails or skin care,,or new makeup!
    Just pamper myself for a weekend or read a fun book….then afterwards I feel a bit more inspired to meet some CDs (sometimes) 😉



  145.  #145Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 8:19 am

    I feel so much more powerful now that I’m using Rori’s tools. I know that no matter what, I need to love ME and put ME first…so I can be a better person and partner. I feel selfish even writing that, because it is so against what I’ve been taught growing up.

    I learned a lot in bible studies and church, but I still felt like I didn’t know how to navigate relationships and I didn’t have good boundaries.

    I love the people at church don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like they just say “don’t do this, but ok to do this, dont do this or this”…”and don’t trust your feelings, just do as the Word says”…which I understand what they are trying to say that God wants what is best for us, but I think God also wants us to love ourselves and he gave us a brain to reason with also.

    I had that part about not trusting your feelings stuck in my head from a very very young age…so no wonder I’ve been sooo out of touch with ME for so long…it made me codependent so I could attach to someone else and their feelings and problems and BECOME part of them…only then did I feel better, and that is really a bad place to be.



  146.  #146Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 8:23 am

    I went to a therapist a few years back knowing I really had some issues going on, and after seeing her for about six months she moved away and told me that I didn’t need counseling anymore.

    It was expensive so I was kind of relieved to hear that I “didn’t need it anymore” so I just went on with my life and kept making the same codependent mistakes as before. It’s almost like all the $$ went down the drain that I spent on her in couseling.

    I needed to keep going, I knew I didn’t have things resolved, I just couldn’t identify what was wrong, and my gut new this, but I didn’t listen to my gut.

    I should have continued, and maybe things would have been different the past 8 years or so.

    Feeling blue about this. 🙄



  147.  #148Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 8:32 am

    RE 146 Emerson think about it as in the blind leading the blind. They were doing the best they knew how and I am sure they had no guidelines themselves. So how could they give the younger ones what they did not have? As you are ultimately responsible for your own life searching for the answeers regardless of what anyone says is a recipe to live the life one wants to live. I am at a point now where I really don’t even care what anyone says. I respect people but I am the only one on a pedestal in my life. We are all caught in the human condition so even authority figures can make mistake. Plus times change and I wonder why we believe that relationships is a one size fits all canned soup? If I can trust someone else I can trust myself.



  148.  #149Esteemed on August 16, 2011 at 8:37 am

    Emerson,

    RE: #146 – I can really relate. It’s a sad testament to the church, but I think they are missing it way too much in the emotional realm. Rori has a completely different belief system than mine, yet Rori is my emotional bible, because she is on target with emotional intelligence! For me, she fills in all the gaps in my Christian upbringing.

    In the past, I would ask Christian leaders relationship question, and they’d typically say, “Just love Je(sus, honey!” Of course I’m simplifying it, but I didn’t need a scripture thrown at me every time I had an issue. I needed real world solutions.

    I have found that here, and my relationships in all areas of life are growing so much! And I’m learning the self-value of leaving relationships behind that AREN’T healthy.

    Each time I think I have come to understand the nature of healthy relationships and healthy self-love, I find yet another path to take that takes me even deeper. It’s a wonderful adventure, because it is healing, and I find more and more wonderful people in my life!



  149.  #150Esteemed on August 16, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Emerson,

    Re: #147 – I believe we never outgrow our need for therapy. I think any therapist who says that is limited in skills, and perhaps she realized you were advanced beyond her and she had nothing left to show you.

    A well-seasoned therapist will take on the challenge of helping you be your best self. They are few and far between.



  150.  #151Daria on August 16, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Yay Elizabeth thank you for sharing!



  151.  #152Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Thank you FW and Esteemed.

    FW yes you are correct we are all responsible for the life we choose to live!

    Esteemed, it’s nice to have you here to relate to growing up in church etc…and that you know where I’m coming from. I got a lot of the same responses that really didn’t provide much solid, specific guidance. Just pray and it will all resolve itself. Well no, not if I am acting like a codependent idiot, it won’t!

    Also, I like what you said Esteemed about feeling ok with leaving bad friendships or relationships behind and letting go.

    I feel that for me it was almost encouraged to tolerate bad friendships and behaviors from others and not confront people because we are supposed to forgive (which yes I believe we ARE) but again…poor boundaries.

    It took me a long time to realize, hey, I can forgive, but I don’t have to be FRIENDS with you or be in a RELATIONSHIP with you at all…because you are mean and toxic and make me feel bad about myself. 🙁 I thought in the past I’m supposed to tolerate it and I hate that I bought into that. It’s why I put up so many walls because after a while, I couldn’t take it and I actually wanted to die for a while and just be with God already because the pain was so bad…and I felt so out of control that it would ever change, but I would never kill myself, I was not suicidal, just felt like I wouldn’t mind dying if it happened.

    Now I want to LIVE



  152.  #153Daria on August 16, 2011 at 9:28 am

    ohhh my dream!

    last nite i was getting picked up a by a guy i used to call hoverman but i can call him something else – but yes again i felt uncomfortable with him when he was flirting with me

    and also i was in France and hanging out wiht some gangsta ppl it was guys and girls and it was part of a videogame style Grand-theft-auto in france

    and we were smoking weed of course

    go me with writing down dreams!!@



  153.  #154Daria on August 16, 2011 at 9:30 am

    i feel happy (and attacked by nvs) that the neighbor downstairs has started talking to be and it felt nice – she makes jewelry herself and has 3 kids and is my age is on her second marriage and she invited me to make jewelry wth her

    i feel surprised and interestd in all the nv’s esp thinking how my mom might judge her or get all suspicious etc

    i love me!!

    hehehehe



  154.  #155Daria on August 16, 2011 at 9:47 am

    i just had a discussion with my mom one of my friends and her mom (our moms are friends and so are we)

    about me, and not wanting to have a job, and wanting to have success coaching

    and they all thought i should be realistic which to them meant going for the stuff that would obviously and directly bring material security/gain

    and i was like no, i will do what i want in my life

    and then they talked about how men get all rude and treat women badly when the woman is not earning money in the household

    and i said its a matter of what the woman herself is believing about herself and tolerating

    and that a woman would actually be loved even more in that situation if she is not tolerating bad behavior and believing in herself and her worth

    and they were like no no all men are like that they will throw you out hte house

    i did kinda get triggered and then “lost it” and got agressive at some point and then i stared at the tv and felt myself going numb at some points which are my patterns

    i love myself!

    and my mom tried to attack me but my girl and her mom seem to have a much more open relatiosnhip so i was able to speak

    all i know is i believe in me and i love me and i dont want to change that and i feel blessed and happy to be me and have this wisdom in life thank you thank y ou thank you



  155.  #156Lilybelle on August 16, 2011 at 9:47 am

    131:

    You were right on the money there, Plum! LOL!!

    Ant People. I have quite the visual going right now and it is none to attractive. Kind of reminds me of real life and the dudes that are coming towards me..



  156.  #157Daria on August 16, 2011 at 9:48 am

    i felt SO moved reading watership down! omg

    soo moved

    i feel super surprised that rori read it and appreciated it

    i want to read it again!!

    ohhhhhh

    i feel it in me moving my guts around



  157.  #158Mel on August 16, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Bee sting coffee guy just emailed to say he had a nice time. 🙂 And that after our conversation he’s out looking for some raw honey. Cute!



  158.  #159Lilybelle on August 16, 2011 at 9:50 am

    40:

    Esteemed!

    Excuse me for a moment while I jump up and down in my office. My work husbands will think I’m nuts, but won’t be surprised since I do a variety of weird things on a daily basis. I think I will also start singing in my very best opera voice for you:

    “Esteemed got the job and the world is looking brighter every daaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy”

    🙂



  159.  #160Lilybelle on August 16, 2011 at 9:51 am

    159:

    Two words for you, Mel..

    Rock! Star!



  160.  #161Lilybelle on August 16, 2011 at 9:53 am

    45:

    KS…good for you for taking care of yourself…

    Sending you good thoughts.



  161.  #162Daria on August 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

    i met some guy randomly by trying to text Hawkman last nite –

    i messed up the last two digits in his number!!!

    and im like ” HI papi 🙂 are you getting this message?”

    and then the recipient said yes.

    and then i realized it wasnt him cuz i checked the number

    and im like… “yay! wait are you my papi?”

    and he says

    “i can be your papi if you want”

    haha

    and then we text chatted and then he looked me up on facebook apparently and said im the woman of his dreams and he is so impressed

    hahahaa
    🙂

    weee

    so i wonder about him… he wanted to make sure i was a woman and cute and not fat

    felt kinda weird and i felt a bit bad being asked if im cute and not fat, i don;t want to jduge him for being judgmental though…

    now i feel kinda bad and guilty writing that…

    i mean, physical attraction IS important to men…

    but i DO judge him a bit as being probably not a great loving person in the long run…

    hmmm

    i feel curious about this

    just practicing with him

    he says he’s trinidadian and has traveled many places and

    it just felt fun that i could meet a man by dialing a wrong number



  162.  #163Lilybelle on August 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

    82:

    Lucy…

    What did I tell you girl???



  163.  #164Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

    From Alex Allman

    3) Let yourself be feminine… and ENJOY it.

    Go out dancing with girlfriends (this is important at any age!), or at least set time to be with your girlfriends and do something other than complain about your men!

    Dance in front of the mirror all by yourself when a good song comes on.

    Pick a flower when you’re out walking and put it in your hair.

    Take a bath with bubbles or salts or bubbles.

    Light candles whenever you feel like it.

    Brush your hair for a long time just because it feels so good.

    Recharging your feminine radiance in these ways will change the way you look, the way you act, and the sparkle in your eye. It will make you much more sexy without any effort at all.

    My friend Steph Gariano teaches her clients that they can flip the on-switch to their feminine radiance just by closing their eyes for a moment and imagining that they are smelling a flower.

    Try that next time you are talking to him and see how he responds differently to you!

    And, by the way, if he catches you dancing in front of the mirror or putting a flower in your hair and he teases you about it…

    GREAT! That means it’s working!

    4) Let him be masculine

    This is probably the easiest one to overlook and the hardest to fix…

    Throughout the day, in many subtle and and hidden ways, you are probably emasculating him.

    This is the number one reason that women don’t get as much sex in their relationship as they’d like.

    For him to feel sexual around you, he needs to feel masculine around you.

    The cute bartender that laughs at his joke and makes him feel manly gives him that little charge of feeling like a sexual creature, and she gets a better tip for her efforts.

    You’d get way more if you could manage the same trick of letting him feel masculine.

    But every time you say “no” when he offers his help, every time you are dismissive of his opinion, every time you are mildly irritated by him just being himself, every time you disagree with him (when it really didn’t matter to you at all), every time you make him “wrong” for something that isn’t actually wrong (but just not the way YOU would have done it)…

    Every time you are less than confident in his judgement or roll your eyes at his decisions…

    Every time you make him feel wrong that he’s not more romantic or hasn’t made love to you in a while…

    All of these things chip away at his masculinity.

    And his masculinity is exactly what is required for him to feel turn-on when you’re in the room.

    With most couples I work with, the woman isn’t even aware she’s doing these things!

    But here’s the way it happens…

    If he didn’t make love to you last night
    and that disappointed you, then you are
    not feeling like you want to treat him like
    a man.

    So you make a comment about how he could have
    handled that rude waiter better…

    And he doesn’t make love to you again tonight…

    So tomorrow at breakfast when he offers to help you slice the bread, you shove him off with your shoulder and say, “I’ve got it!”

    Who started it?

    In my experience, the start, the first little hurt, was just a misunderstanding. You thought he meant something B when he said A, or vice- versa. And nobody said anything about it, nobody wanted to make a big deal out of it…

    But then it just grew. Little irritation on top of little irritation.

    And now this is just the way you treat each other.

    More important is this: IT DOESN’T MATTER who
    started it. Life is too short to care about that detail.

    Be the one to make the first moves on ALLOWING him to feel masculine around you.

    You will be amazed by how differently he starts to treat you, and how it can snowball into a better relationship, better sex, and a deep and abiding happiness in your life.

    For Passion,

    Alex



  164.  #165Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 9:55 am

    Daria, I know many examples (friends and family) where the wife didn’t/doesn’t have a job and the husband loves her deeply and appreciates who she is and what she does both inside and outside the home, using her gifts and abilities as she sees fit (whether or not they produce income). There are lots of men like that. <3



  165.  #166Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Daria making jewelry with a new friend sounds fun! I feel a little jealous wishing I had a new friend to make jewelry with! 🙂

    How nice of her to invite you! Of course she would because you are fun to hang out with and you are a fun friend! You were giving a warm and open friendship vibe, so that’s why she asked you! Aww maybe you can make a pretty bracelet! 😉



  166.  #167Daria on August 16, 2011 at 9:57 am

    omg so crazy… remember when my Myspace – which was offering me like 2 new pretty attractive guys a day, for 2 years…

    SUDDENLY and i mean SUDDENLY dried up

    well after a month of feeling bad i got the inspiration to sign up on POF

    and also signed up on Tagged.com

    OMG!!

    i now get like 10 or more guys that *I* find attractive on tagged…

    and lots of men on POF as welll!

    i mean it exploded… wowowowowow

    i feel blessed with this !

    and i heard tagged.com is used for dating in Romania too



  167.  #168Daria on August 16, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Emerson – thanks !! wow a bracelet… i didn’t think of that but yes that would feel fun!

    i feel happy i am getting so much of the things i want yes yes yes!!



  168.  #169Mel on August 16, 2011 at 9:59 am

    And I’ve got another one chasing me with emails.

    This is actually really fun.

    Another funny story… so first CD texts on Sunday saying “love you already.” I saw it and was thinking… oh, that feels creepy. Then two seconds later I get another text.. “SO SORRY!!!! My buddy got a hold of my phone. He’s no longer my buddy! 😉 ” I just replied LOL. But I haven’t heard from him since. Mortified?



  169.  #170Daria on August 16, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Lucy – i know! 🙂 of course!



  170.  #171Lilybelle on August 16, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Plum, Jupiter, FW…et all…

    Thank you for thinking of me. I wish I could say I was MIA for good reasons but frankly, I have been in the depths of hell or soup. My NV’s came out in full force over the last week or so and I spiraled down…

    I’m feeling better and it didn’t last as long as it has in the past but man, this one was brutal!

    We do such incredible damage to ourselves by listening to them…just incredible damage.
    And it seems, I need to start all over with getting my Siren-y GODDESS vibe back up.

    Anywho, thank you for thinking about me…I feel happy to know this…



  171.  #172Daria on August 16, 2011 at 10:03 am

    i love me so much!

    i just know my dreams are super coming true!!

    yayyyaaay



  172.  #173Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Aww Lillybelle (((hugs)))…….Just want to tell you that I always think you look so pretty in your little emoticon picture. I hope you have a better week this week.



  173.  #174Daria on August 16, 2011 at 10:05 am

    I feel so stunned and kinda overwhelmed reading some posts…

    i feel judgemental and kinda helpless

    i don’t feel safe offering my opinion

    and that’s ok!

    i am healing me! and that heals the world!!



  174.  #175Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Lillybelle I mean avatar picture, whatever it’s called 🙄



  175.  #176Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 10:10 am

    170 yikes that’s a first! I want to laugh but I feel mortified at the same time reading this! Eeek…it’s kinda funny though.



  176.  #177Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Could you use a little humor to help you get through any personal challenge you might be facing? A way to blow off steam and open your heart after a long week?

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  177.  #178Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 10:15 am

    RE 170 Mel not sure what mortified was referring to but I would assume he must have dated someone else and that was meant for her. At least that was how he was feeling in that moment. I don’t believe the story about the buddy.



  178.  #179Anna on August 16, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Hi all,
    Im new to the blog
    Some advice would be fabulous. I just happened on Rori’s coaching material a couple of weeks ago. I have found it both refreshing and enlightening. On my journey to find my true self

    I have found that I am responding to my husband with definite overfunctioning but I am aware of the fear of his reaction if I stop. How do I properly deal with his reactions when I stop doing things for him that I have done for years and years?



  179.  #180Daria on August 16, 2011 at 10:23 am

    “”If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn’t…”
    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    August 16, 2011

    How often do you tell yourself that another’s uncaring behavior means that this person doesn’t care about you?
    How often have you had the thought, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t…
    Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about me
    Project your behavior onto me
    Withdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TV
    Resist doing what I ask you to do
    Look at other women, have an affair
    ____________________ (fill in your own)

    I used to have this thought all the time. If someone yelled, blamed me, shut me out, didn’t see me accurately, or went into resistance, I would think, “You don’t care about me. If you cared about me, you wouldn’t treat me this way. How can you say you care about me and then treat me this way?” Sometimes I would even say this out loud. And always I would feel deep loneliness and heartache at being treated this way.

    Then one day I suddenly saw all this uncaring behavior in a completely different light. I saw clearly that it had nothing to do with me! It wasn’t about me at all!

    This thought totally stunned me. It’s not that I previously didn’t understand that I shouldn’t take others’ behavior personally. I had known this for years and thought I was practicing not taking their behavior personally. But I didn’t realize that I still had the unconscious thought that if someone loved me or cared about me, they wouldn’t act that way in the first place.”



  180.  #181Anna on August 16, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Is anyone on this blog married? Or is this mostly for dating advice? I dont know if Im in the right place



  181.  #182Mel on August 16, 2011 at 10:34 am

    FW

    He didn’t say mortified. I was just wondering if that’s why I haven’t heard from him.

    I’m not sure I believe that story either… I do know that he was out at an all-day outdoor concert and there was likely a lot of beer involved. LOL.

    I found the whole exchange amusing though.



  182.  #183Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 10:38 am

    DAILY INSPIRATION

    We do not cause others to feel and behave the way they do, nor do others cause us to feel and behave the way we do. Each of us has the free will to choose in each moment to be honest or dishonest, open or closed, accepting or judgmental, loving or unloving. Today, let go of trying to control others’ feelings and behavior, and let go of blaming others for yours.

    By Dr. Margaret Paul



  183.  #184Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 10:39 am

    Anna there is a category on Marriage to the bottom right of the blog. Reading through the articles there might help you.



  184.  #185Esteemed on August 16, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Emerson,

    RE: #153 – Right on! I have had confusion for years between setting healthy boundaries and having accepting, forgiving, unconditional, unfailing love.

    And, like you, I’ve come to some healthier conclusions: I don’t have to be in a friendship or relationship with someone to love them. I can love them from a safe distance.

    Delilah on the radio defined it well:

    “If helping you is hurting me, then it is not helping.”



  185.  #186Mel on August 16, 2011 at 10:46 am

    I also got a text from him earlier in the day (before the weird text) that said his buddy was giving him a hard time about how casually he dressed for our date. And that he hoped I didn’t mind. So… I do know that there WAS a “buddy” present. LOL. By best friend thinks perhaps they were just talking about me and his obnoxious (likely drunk) buddy thought he’d be a funny man… I’ll never know! 😉



  186.  #187Lilybelle on August 16, 2011 at 11:03 am

    174:

    Thanks, Em….I’m much better…

    🙂



  187.  #188Starla on August 16, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Everything is lovely here

    New guy came by last night randomly. I said I wanted a cigarette but really I just wanted to see him. I felt silly about it so I told him… and i told him i could just go to the store to buy a pack.

    he said of course the cigarette was just an excuse to see me.

    When he comes around, I LOVE talking to him. He’s brilliant, and a great listener. But more than that…I really just want to kiss him. I got kinda rockstar and told him really i was just going through the motions of conversation with him until he next kissed me.

    I like kissing him more than any other guy I’ve ever kissed. I don’t feel any fear. he doesn’t push. He just kisses me good. He escalates very slowly. This is the 3rd time we’ve hung out where lots of kissing was happening, and he still hasn’t made a move for my boobs or butt.

    i am noticing that this feels so much better, than always having to remember my boundaries when i’m kissing a guy. i never have to pull away or stop him or feel anxious about where his hand is going to go.

    i feel safe safe safe safe safe safe safe.

    the two guys that were all about me last weekend each made me feel pretty safe too. i did have to express my boundaries, but they completely respected them, and it makes me want to be around them more.

    i love that i have learned what this safe feeling is like and that it is what i want.



  188.  #189Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Mary, Esteemed, Lilybelly, English Woman… thanks for your kind words! <3



  189.  #190Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Oh, and Plum, thank you too, and for the extra info…. I will click on it now…. <3



  190.  #191Mel on August 16, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Nice to see you back Lil! ♥



  191.  #192FlowerChild77 on August 16, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Welcome, Anna…

    Rori’s advice and this blog is helpful in any situation… single, married, dating, involved, in a relationship. etc.

    Do you have her e-book? It has all the ‘basics’ of her teaching and work—and is the foundation of everything she talks about and what we talk about here.

    You’re certainly in the right place to help you on your “…journey to find [your] true self.”



  192.  #193Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Esteemed, yeah, I should come up with a nickname for him… but so far I’ve got nothin’. Hehe. Maybe The Man. (not very original or descriptive though!!)

    Yes, it seems my computer problems are now solved. Yay!!!

    <3



  193.  #194Daria on August 16, 2011 at 11:39 am

    Anna – take babysteps… remember it’s about healing and intimacy, and not about the dishes

    if he attacks you, facilitating his anger is advanced…

    just say how you feel… “oh that feels bad”

    if he attacks again, leave the room “this feels bad and i don’t want to feel that way, im gonna go” is something you can say

    Rori’s book is only 20 dollars and has all the basics

    you can also read all the articles on this blog and find tremendous help



  194.  #195Esteemed on August 16, 2011 at 11:39 am

    Anna,

    RE: #182 – Yes, some are married. You are welcome here. This helps with all relationships. Tell us about yourself!

    Love, Esteemed



  195.  #196Daria on August 16, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    i have guys who love me already right away! 🙂

    like the guy who just saw the pic of me on FB and said im the woman of his dreams 🙂

    but then of course! I am a GODDESS

    its only natural



  196.  #197Daria on August 16, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    hehe my cousin’s friend likes me 🙂

    he wants to keep in touch with me

    i feel kinda scared cuz what if he reads this haha! now i can see how some of you all might be feeling!

    i love me anyway!!!

    weeee



  197.  #198Elanesse on August 16, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    My dearest Sirens… Please, I need your advice. I can’t find the right post for this.. I made a mistake and I became exclusive with man before any commitment… And he knows. I thought it was the right and nice thing to do… And now I dont know how to undo it. I feel that he likes it but still it pushes him away. I dont want to explain everything (it would to looong)… But now I feel afraid to tell him and I dont know HOW. Because I am scared that it will look that I just want him to make jealous or etc… And I dont want to. And I am also afraid that I will ruin the relationship… And… Just a lot of fear and etc. 🙂 So if you would be so nice and help me how to say this I would REALLY appreciate that! THANKS! 🙂



  198.  #199English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    #132 Jupiter2

    Hello Aussie Rosie. 🙂



  199.  #200Daria on August 16, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    wow Nyguy tagged me in one of his pics

    and then i like said some supportive stuff

    and then now he messaged me to tell me he likes my pic

    and im like thank u!

    and then i told him i feel silly i have a big crush on him

    but now i feel weird having said that

    ufff

    but i love my experimenting and i love not feleing obsessed/!

    and now this other guy the one i said i knew with our group from before but was kinda nerdy

    ok ill call him lexusguy cuz he had a lexus

    the one whos recently been hitting me up a LOT

    well hes like i like ur photos too!

    and im like wow

    yaypee



  200.  #201Daria on August 16, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    ugh i feel embarassed i told him that!

    i love my fear!

    io feel fear

    i feel uncomfortable

    it felt great with

    thank u papi

    youre welcome mami

    ohhh THAT felt awesome

    and then im like ohhh i feel excited to hear from you i feel silly i have a big cursh on u

    and then hes like well theres nothing wrong with that

    ummmff

    ok

    i lov me anyway

    i wasnt even crushing on him like before anyway

    maybe i pushed him away

    anyway its ALL good – wait is that stuffing

    actualy i feel excited amused and icky and terrified and terribly uncomfortable here

    love me

    i love me!!

    wee



  201.  #202English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    #141 SLV

    Oh yes I LOVE that movie, it is sooo interesting at how things can turn out so differently……….think I am just having a few blah days here as work has been totally overwhelming me with the sheer volume of it……….maybe I have taken on too much? But at this stage of my life I need a job quite badly so will have to keep plodding on…….



  202.  #203English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    #144 Bre….oops…..

    Esteemed 🙂 Happy flat (apartment) hunting. I didn’t realise you had been unemployed for quite so long!! I thought 3 months was bad enought, so well done you!! And maybe we will get to go to London to see The Queen and have tea and crumpets. 🙂



  203.  #204English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    #145 Emerson

    I HEAR you believe me, so many meh’s out there LOL!!

    You really should watch that movie Sliding Doors mentioned by SLV, it’s really interesting. I have a DVD back in Australia in storage with all my other stuff ready to be sent over when I settle down properly. You can probably get a copy now quite cheaply as it’s getting on a bit……..



  204.  #205English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    #167 Emerson

    I make jewellery too (well I did but most of my stuff is still in Oz) you can come and hang out with me when it gets here. 🙂



  205.  #206Anna on August 16, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    Oh Thank you so much all of you who have responded. And yes I have read the e-book and also the Siren program. It was throught those two things that I realized alot of what I do in my relationship is out of “fear”. When I started to be more aware of how I feel I noticed I react alot out of a fear based feeling. Fear that I will hurt their feelings. Fear of not getting everything done. Fear of them being unhappy with my actions. Fear of a negative response. FEAR FEAR FEAR

    I dont want to act and re-act out of fear anymore

    So I was just wondering about some suggestions in certain situations to have the tools not to react because of fear

    Especially if I see him or my children reacting to the NEW me

    you know what I mean?



  206.  #207Anna on August 16, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    LOL
    I just re-read my post

    Funny how I want tools because Im “FEARFUL” of my families reactions! Boy is all of this shedding some light THANK YOU



  207.  #208Daria on August 16, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    daria’s woman to daria’s man

    YOU are not getting me a job!

    and at the same time

    I DONT WANT A JOB!

    also

    you are not bringing in money to support us!

    and als

    i dont believe in money and i want us to thrive and show the world us thriving without money so that we can create the world as sharing our gifts and receiving everything we want

    hmmm…

    so no wonder the man is stuck as im expressing two different wants

    how about

    I want us to have and show the ability to make enormous amazing amounts of money!

    And i want us to create the world where there’s no need for money and we are thriving sharing our gifts and receiving everything we want… and feel safe there… and be an amazing wonderful and healing invitation for the world to become !

    thanks man!

    but i still dont want to focus on money or do stuff For money!

    but i do want to get money!

    mmphhh

    i want a lovely place to live from where i can travel and Thrive and feel good around people and have my privacy !

    thats what i want from u!

    right on baby!

    thank u!!

    you are freakin awesome!

    i know u can do this for me baby!

    i have super faith in you like end of the life forever and ever and THEN some faith!!

    you are my wonderful super papi!



  208.  #209Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    206 @ EW
    🙂



  209.  #210Tmizz on August 16, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Mel – I send “thank yous” sometimes. I feel gratefulness is a good practice. But then again, I am like the Queen of leaning forward. So probably better not to, if you’ve already thanked him in person.



  210.  #211Daria on August 16, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Anna – feel the fear and say i love my fear to yourself

    its ok to feel fear…

    try some riffing – go to power and self esteem section on the blog sidebar and click back to the oldest posts and read those, especially following in the body feelings and loving them and the flipping of fears



  211.  #212Daria on August 16, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    let the man Thank You for the date… no reaching out to contact him… at ALL! for moi

    im a princess being pursued… thank u afters just feel weird to me… remind me of an interview business meeting…



  212.  #213Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    @147: Emerson says:
    “…I needed to keep going, I knew I didn’t have things resolved, I just couldn’t identify what was wrong, and my gut new this, but I didn’t listen to my gut…”

    Gut, reason, but only in the same way that your heart keeps beating… all controlled by that thing… you know. That thing you mentioned in an earlier post. The God-given thing. It’s popular in some groups to think of it as a penis. “Oh, my Heavens, she still has a _ _ _ _ _ .” Let’s amputate! We can’t have her running around with a _ _ _ _ _ . Quick, before she uses it!”

    I love all parts of myself, including my _ _ _ _ _. 😛

    I believe if I take good care of my _ _ _ _ _ it will take good care of me. I listen and learn from others and I use my _ _ _ _ _ to see up, over, around and through; Then I gather all I have found and I am guided by my God-given _ _ _ _ _ .

    I plan to make good use of my _ _ _ _ _ to find my soulmate beloved. I am already using my _ _ _ _ _ to do just that. I count on my _ _ _ _ _ to bring me much pleasure during my courtships and other socializing.

    My _ _ _ _ _ and I also are a happy duo. I go everywhere, joyfully taking my _ _ _ _ _ with me. I travel Planet Earth with my _ _ _ _ _.

    When the others are at the gate, torches in hand, to call names and toss shame in my direction, my _ _ _ _ _ and I will flee and laugh into the wind.

    😀

    xoxo



  213.  #214Anna on August 16, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Thank You Daria
    Im headed there now



  214.  #215Tmizz on August 16, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    #213 lol. yes, listen to Daria 🙂



  215.  #216Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    @147: Emerson says:
    “…I should have continued, and maybe things would have been different the past 8 years or so….”

    No, therapist was right… you’re fine. Trust yourself a little more, maybe?

    I think of myself as a work in progress so not necessary to be perfect but working towards it.

    You might be more nearly perfect but perhaps not believing it.

    😀

    xoxo



  216.  #217Jade on August 16, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    #163 – LOL! Daria, you are so silly!



  217.  #218Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    Elanese sounds like you are looking for the no girlfriend speech.



  218.  #219Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    RE 211 Tmizz that is what I believe also. You want someone to treat you with well, at least appreciate them when they do. That reinforces their behavior so they want to do it more.



  219.  #220Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    @ SLV 😉 thanks you made me smile…



  220.  #221Queenbee on August 16, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Please help put me on the right track.

    I’m having strange feelings for a man. It feels like gratitude and happiness, which is good for me, but that then feels like love and sex… and he is married.

    We’ve only met twice in a business context. I refused to meet for coffee coz I was not clear what he wanted and was not sure of his status.

    We share a deep passion and now will work together, closely, for a while.

    He said he loves me… and I feel good about that. I understand and accept this from the basis of our passion… definitely not in a relationship way – since there is obviously no possibility and he does not fit my criteria in a technical sense anyway.

    I don’t want to stuff my feelings and hope this will pass.

    I am deeply against dating married men and don’t keep friends who do.

    I feel nervous of what I’m feeling and don’t know what to do.

    Since we only met twice, I’m hoping this is just an energy thing/ imaginary. I did not look at him closely or in ‘that’ way when we met to know if I truly feel physically attracted to him.

    So basically what I have now is these feelings. I fantasize about sex with him… and I feel into him when we talk on phone.

    What do I do? I feel afraid….

    Please help.

    Love!!



  221.  #222Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    105 Jade that is a good question, I would like to know the answer as well…not sure if any response to your question was posted??



  222.  #223Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    RE 223 Queenbee it sounds to me like you should get to know yourself. It seems that there might be something about him that causes you to feel turned on. I would look deep into myself to see what it is. It might be just his sexual energy. I have felt that with guys in my office and have expressed that to them. It was a complement to them and an eyeopener for myself. I would encourage you to be clear on your body signals rather than focussing on him.



  223.  #224alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    when did it happen? when did I shift? I can feel the difference.

    It was a babystep process. just as rori suggests.

    baby steps.

    i am still taking babysteps into more and more amazing expansion.

    thank you.

    i want to share my enthusiasm with people but i feel afraid if people are at a different vibration they will resent me.

    IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING OR THINKING ABOUT ME.

    Ok weeee yae!

    OMG. i had an AMAZING freaking day yesterday. i am babystepping into a possible new career and these amazing opportunities have come to me (and i have ALLOWED myself to enjoy, endulge and appreciate them!)

    and yesterday I had a workshop with a person majorly established in the business for years and just really knows his craft and it was so fun and informative and energizing and he was so generous and i walked our feeling

    WOW!

    WOW!

    and none of this would exist for me if I listened to outside voices about what I SHOULD be doing or blah blah de blah blah…. the mass voices of discontent trying to force people into the same kind of “life of quite desperation”

    consider… when someone is giving advice… consider if you want what they have.

    Anyhooha. i feel like i am babystepping my way into feeling faith for what i intellectually believe but now it is becoming a part of my organism and my feeling life.

    thank you.



  224.  #225Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Queenbee in other words are you afraid of your own sexuality?



  225.  #226alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    and i had a thought yesterday as i walking into my workshop about how if i won the lottery today how my life would not change that much.

    i would still be walking into that workshop and pursuing that same avenue!

    the things that would change would be the quality of material things (my home, clothes, car etc)

    and I would begin to travel more.

    and would probably need to hire an accountant. lol.

    but what i am DOING and BEING in my life is already satisfying to me.

    Aw.



  226.  #227Jade on August 16, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    #224 – Emerson, no, I did not get any answers. But at least, by consulting the post directory, I get some clues about the subject talked about in all the posts.



  227.  #228tinque on August 16, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    What are you afraid of Queenbee?

    xxoo



  228.  #229Tmizz on August 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    I leaned forward just last night, in fact. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I just knew it! And yet…I “thought” xyz. That’s always the problem, isn’t it?

    Sometimes it seems like I have a problem knowing when I am thinking versus when I am feeling. Because the thought come with a lot of feelings attached to it. Do any of you also have this problem? It seems like a lot of what we struggle with.

    I *do* have feelings! I know I do, because I feel them all the time. Even if I can’t put words or names to them. ..

    So, after I sent this lean-forward message, which was basically trying to engage him in conversation, to which he didn’t respond, I felt weird. I had that “I just leaned forward” feeling, that feels so off-balance and yucky. And I didn’t even really get to say what I wanted to say. It just makes you want to run and take more steps forward to catch yourself from falling.

    [A fun side-note: I just noticed my lean-forward computer posture, and literally reached back, grabbed the chair and pulled myself backward. It felt good.]

    I just read Rori’s “loving your inner drama queen post.” That’s a good one. I think my Drama Queen is what’s been active, and she wants to tell me something.

    The real thing of it is, I just want to get back to that sexy place. That feeling of him coming toward me, of him finding me attractive, seeking me out. All those things we love. I lean forward out of fear – fear that he WON’T seek me out. Fear that he WON’T be attracted (even though he *clearly* was/is). Fear that he WON’T ask me on a date again. And when I lean forward, I of course push him away from all of these things.

    Now, of course, this one man is not my only option. There are thousands of millions of men out there – good ones. Probably even better for me than this one. In fact, I know for sure that he is not…well, no, let me take that back. I don’t know anything for sure. But most facts would indicate that he is not going to be my life partner.

    I just want to practice. I want to get it right. I want to “yield” somehow, appropriately. I want to release that need, that feeling of having to have control, of needing to know what’s going to happen next. Of needing to “decide” how it’s going to turn out. I’m writing, because writing this – in a public place especially – is helping me to feel this release a little bit, just incrementally.

    I’ve already gotten it wrong. I’ve already tried to control. I’ve already made the mistake and leaned forward. And even though I know this, part of me still has something it wants to “express.” And I would rather write here than try to express it to “him” – even though it may be great, it may just not be what needs to happen right now. (And even though that sounds really good to me, and it makes a lot of sense, there’s no telling what my brain is going to come up with at the end of the day when I’m feeling tired…that’s when I need to be most careful!)

    Maybe right now I need to focus on myself. On my choices. On taking care of me. Not on what I need, what I’m missing, or what someone else can do for me. That’s my Inner Drama Queen speaking.

    Ok, thanks for listening. Have a good day/night!



  229.  #230Daria on August 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    wow i feel inspired.. yeah if i won the lottery or if i tapped into unlimited money welll

    what would change is i would be taking first class flights places i want to go

    and i would invite other people to take first class flights

    and then i would do stuff like gift begging people thousands of dollars at once

    and gift my friends a few million dollars

    and then i would want to search for people who can create the non -profits i want and bribe them by paying them to do it for me … but that might feel bad

    yeah!

    and i would order all kindsa fun gadgets and also foods

    and beauty stuff

    but tahts about it!

    maybe a corvette

    and taht new holograph phone thingy

    and i have most of the stuff i want already yah woo hoo

    and i would invite my mom to a mama gena seminar



  230.  #231Queenbee on August 16, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Re: 225, 227 – Thanks FW! Wow, that helps. I do know exactly what it is that turns me on about him… it’s our shared passion.

    I love what I’m feeling in my body and want to explore it more… even with him… not in sex, but through our passion.

    I can’t separate art from relationship – because what I want is full self-expression – deeply expressing myself musically and in all other ways.

    I don’t want to stuff because it feels icky and inauthentic and I fear falling to carnality instead of transcending it to what I really want – knowing and loving myself deeply and expressing myself profoundly in art form and in relationship.

    Perhaps I am afraid of my own sexuality? What exactly does that mean? How do I know for sure?

    So are you saying I can just be open with him and nothing will happen … like he won’t fall for me, or we won’t become sexually intimate?

    We have a long meeting tomorrow and being open feels good to me. My hope is to channel these feelings to something greater. And also discover myself – feelings, sexuality… to love myself more and express myself profoundly in art and relationship and life.

    What’s the right way to handle this?



  231.  #232Daria on August 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Tmizz – i started reading your post, about the thought coming with a lot of feelings

    and i feel so amused and surprised i found myself saying out loud.. “yesss”” hahahha

    yes i do find it that way hahaha

    am literrally laughing out loud and it feels great



  232.  #233AmazingMe on August 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Great stories!! You all are a blessing and I always learn something when I sneak in from time to time.!!THanks



  233.  #234Daria on August 16, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    wow Tmizz i love the way you write!

    i feel sad – i think i can’t write that organized to be able to write like an article

    your post reads like an inspiring coach article to me!



  234.  #235alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    i don’t alter my blogs in order to increase profits. wel, that is not completely true. but it is mostly true.

    i do things because i feel inspired and i have a desire that i want to fulfill. and i keep an eye on the money aspect because that is part of my desire and it FEELS fun to make money from my creative endeavors.

    money can come to me in so many unfathomable ways. i feel open to allowing it in any way that feels good.

    money is available and flowing

    it is as easy to manifest a button as it is a mountain (paraphrasing abraham there.)

    i saw a penny on the ground the other day and i said to myself “i could just as easy find a diamon ring as a penny. a mountain or a button.”

    I am innately worthy. and other people’s opinions about how money comes to me, or how much money comes to me or how i choose to use it has Nothing to do with me. my focus is on me and appreciating my easy breezy life.

    that will be my ebook:

    “how to live an easy breezy life” by alias girl

    and i will charge $100 dollars for it.



  235.  #236Queenbee on August 16, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    RE: 230 – Hi Tinque 🙂 I love you, your the best btw!

    I’m afraid of having sex with a married man or going against that part of me that knows how deeply wrong and horrible it is.

    I don’t want to be that woman and it would feel like I’m giving less to myself when I can have more.

    So I guess I feel afraid of how turned on I’m feeling.



  236.  #237tinque on August 16, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Do you really think you won’t have the ability to say no IF this kind of situation arose?

    I think you would.

    How about trying this. Feel these feelings. Allow them to swirl and flow all around you, through you. I mean the sexual, yummy feelings without the fear.

    Can you channel these feeling elsewhere, your work, another man, a fantasy man?

    Fighting these feelings creates resistance which only perpetuates the fear.

    xxoo



  237.  #238Corin on August 16, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Hey Sirens.

    Just got off the phone with biological clock CD. He is really stepping up and has asked to spend time with me once he returns from his work abroad.

    In the spirit of all CDs bringing us free therapy, I’m observing myself getting really defensive and not at all open hearted/ sirenesque. I’m trying to put my finger on the trigger of my defensiveness and it seems really elusive. I found it really easy to be open, vulnerable, use FMs etc when it was all online and I suppose I felt I had nothing to lose. Now we have had a real life date however all of my defences are kicking in big time.

    In the phonecall just now he asked me if I was a confrontational person and I believe that question was triggered by my generally ‘tough’ and possibly even aggressive vibe with him.

    He asked me if I had mentioned him to my friends. I told him ‘yes’ but really blustered over it and moved on quickly. I recognise that could have been an excellent FM point but I ran away from it.

    The question is why are my defences up so much and how do I lower them? I’m trying the painting myself with love tool to boost my self esteem. I’m really reminded of Rori’s discussion on the difference between boundaries and walls. I believe I’m putting up walls because I’m scared my boundaries wont be strong enough. He is treating me so well and maybe I’m scared?

    I keep noticing myself saying ‘run away’ or words to that effect in my self talk whenever I think about him. However it is totally fear and not because I have sensed anything negative about him.

    I love my fear.



  238.  #239tinque on August 16, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Becoming aware of your patterns is a big piece in this, Corin. And little by little the defenses shift and change.

    xxoo



  239.  #240Corin on August 16, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    He’s just texted me now about fancying a cuddle. My whole body went aarrrgh and recoiled! I am attracted to him though so why am I doing this??? I’m feeling frustrated.

    How do I reply with an open and warm FM that I feel scared and aaarrrrgggghhh?

    I’m toying with sending ‘Mmmm that would feel good’. However that wouldn’t be authentic as it doesn’t acknowledge the aaarrrrggghhhhh part.



  240.  #241Daria on August 16, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Corin – “wow i feel scared! this feels so good and i feel overwhelmed omgosh Arrghhhh 🙂 “



  241.  #242Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    @178: Femininewoman says:
    “… And Swawi Beyondananda (aka Steve Bhaerman) has been entertaining audiences with witty, spot-on insights into the human condition for decades. It’s “comedy disguised as wisdom, and wisdom disguised as comedy”!…”

    We are probably in the same soulmate tribe…

    😀

    xoxo



  242.  #243Corin on August 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Thank you Daria and Tinque!

    I just gave some love to my fear which I realised is also tinged with excitement. Then I texted him back ‘Mmmm…that feels good but also scary’ and ‘Now I’m feeling embarassed’. Baby steps!
    xxx



  243.  #244Mel on August 16, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Now I’m really amused! I decided to put up a profile pic… I got tired of emailing them anyway!

    And now suddenly I have a WHOLE LOT more guys trying to chase me. Some of them aren’t half bad either!

    Today is a day of amusement. Despite me having a swollen face. lol



  244.  #245Corin on August 16, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    On a more humorous note, how do other Sirens ensure they don’t text to the wrong CD? I’m getting texts from two CDs (biological clock and another one) and with my iPhone it’s really easy to tap on the wrong one!

    I feel scared I will send something obviously wrong. I guess I just need to take a bit more care.



  245.  #246Jade on August 16, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    I just read HTRYW for the second time and I still don’t know how it’s supposed to help me. I just don’t get it.

    Am I dense??



  246.  #247LobbyStar on August 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    I just had a CD tell me he wants me to seduce him. Hmm.



  247.  #248Queenbee on August 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    RE: 239 – Tinque, Yes I can say no.

    That sounds wonderful – feeling the yummy sexual feelings without the fear.

    Yes, I already drafted a way that I could channel the feelings in my work and in an artistic way.

    Our working together requires a real commitment and honesty would be a big part of it. So, how much of this is okay to share with him?



  248.  #249Jade on August 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    #247 – Corin, imagine trying to read the number in bright sunshine??? I can’t see a thing on my cell phone when I’m outside!!!

    Why can’t they make cell phones on which you can actually SEE something when you’re outside?? Argh.



  249.  #250Tmizz on August 16, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Daria – I’m so happy that I made you laugh! 🙂

    And thank you for the encouraging comments about my writing. I love to write, and it would be so great if I could write more for publication. Not that I can’t. There’s really nothing stopping me. I guess I’m just afraid. I’m so sensitive, and so it’s a lot to really put myself out there. (and rejection is definitely part of that business). But hearing comments like that feels really good, and makes me feel that someone would actually want to read what I have to say!

    Thank you!! 🙂

    and p.s. don’t feel too sad. your crazy, raw, riffing, get-it-all-out-there style is different, but it’s YOU! And sometimes I wish I didn’t have to be so “organized” lol 😉



  250.  #251Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    @180: Anna says:
    “…I have found that I am responding to my husband with definite overfunctioning but I am aware of the fear of his reaction if I stop. How do I properly deal with his reactions when I stop doing things for him that I have done for years and years?…”

    What are you doing? Why are you doing? Why do you want to stop? If you know these things you will know what to say.

    You won’t know his reaction unless you’ve stopped before. Maybe there won’t be much reaction at all.

    You mention “thingS” but you don’t have to stop all at the same time do you? How about stopping the biggest one first (or the smallest one). Rori might have some specific posts on this topic but I believe experimentation is often good. Stop one today and let us know how it goes.

    😀

    xoxo



  251.  #252Ella on August 16, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Hmm,

    I am really struggling with my waterwheel tool.

    IT almost feels WORSE now I have awareness about the energy flow and dynamics between men and women. Because suddenly instead of just being natural I am thinking about everything I am doing every time I am around a man.

    And it makes me feel tense.

    ‘Thinking’ about doing the tools is actually keeping me in my head. And making me feel outcome focused.

    At the moment I feel nervous and uncomfortable every time I get around a man, and it is like I am immediately sizing up whether he can be my boyfriend!

    Huh? Where has this come from?

    I just want to relax and be in the moment and see people as people.

    I feel tired of what feels like a strategy to get a husband.

    I know this is not what this is about and it just feels like I am pushing away experiences because he is not going to be my husband.

    Somehow the no g,friend speech seems to be keeping people away, and that is fine… but really I am happy just to hang out and date… I don’t need a husband right this second.

    I don’t really understand what is going on with me right now.

    I just so what to get away from viewing every man as a potential boyfriend, it feels tiring and draining and takes the fun out of stuff.

    I really just want to lean back and not be seeking.

    Aha… that is it then… lean back and stop seeking.

    So easily said.

    And everytime I see a cute man walk in my naught brain lights up and goes ‘he could be the one!’ and that just messes my whole vibe.

    SHUT UP brain.

    Just relax and chill for a while and let me FEEL!



  252.  #253Queenbee on August 16, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    I feel so amazing!!! Thank you Tinque. I feel myself and my boundaries getting stronger just by feeling the feelings without the fear.

    Thank you! Thank you!

    🙂



  253.  #254Mel on August 16, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Hmmm…

    Guys that I winked at over 2 weeks ago are now all sending me emails. Interesting. I guess they really are very visual creatures. But this seems a little superficial. I feel judged on my looks alone.



  254.  #255Ella on August 16, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    Tmizz I wrote a long post about your post 231… and then it vanished when I went to submit it 🙁

    And basically I said

    Yes, yes and YES!

    I can totally relate to that post.

    I regularly have a hard time knowing the difference between what I am thinking and the feelings that triggers, and my feelings.

    And also between my NVs and my feelings.

    And my brain can always come up with a million reasons to lean forward when I am feeling that pull towards a man.

    like ‘aww, he’s only 19, he migh be feeling scared, need encouragement… I did xyz to push him away and so I should reach out to him… etc etc, blah blah blah.

    Err, yeah ok brain… bless.

    He’s a man, he will do what he wants, and he does what he does.

    Ok, so what am I feeling?

    Lonely, needy, a sense of urgency to ‘do’ something.

    And that sense of urgency that we call chemistry Rori says is not even real love, its just old stuff getting triggered.

    “I had that “I just leaned forward” feeling, that feels so off-balance and yucky.”

    Yep – know that one.

    Lol.

    I love the description you have given to that feeling, and I have gotten that prett much every time I have experimented with leaning forward!

    And yes I also know all this now… and yet who knows what I will do when I am feeling tired, or I have been drinking or whatever else is triggering me.

    And I feel good that I am getting stronger and stronger in my boundaries so that I am making better choices for myself most of the time.

    xoxoxox



  255.  #256Ella on August 16, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    I just miss the old me sometimes… the loud one who had no idea about leaning back…

    I could be the life and soul of the party. I was sexy, confident and got loads of attention.

    When I went to the pub a while ago with my housemate (female, original housemates new g,friend) and she was being all loud and extrovert and sexy… using banter etc and she got loads of male attention and I got none because I was being quieter, and I felt jealous.

    But being feisty like that is surely masc energy right?

    I mean it sure feels it, even when I would go to the bar when I was like that I would be leaning forward.

    But it felt so much more alive.

    Leaning back just feels like being a wallflower to me.

    I don’t know maybe when I am shining so bright I don’t need to lean forward that will tell me something.

    But I just feel a bit alienated and as though I am missing the party when I lean back… It feels frustrating, esp when all the females round me are being loud and energetic.

    And I have been labelled as this high class woman, which is cool and I get called ‘a lady’ quite a bit and I still miss being extrovert and full of beans.

    Has anyone else experienced this?



  256.  #257Corin on August 16, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Plum,

    Thanks for the info on attachment styles.

    I was avoidant when I was younger and somewhere along the way have slipped into anxious. Now absolutely all of my serious and even not so serious relationships have been with avoidants. Hmmm, I just need to learn to sniff out those secure ones!
    xxx



  257.  #258Tmizz on August 16, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Ella – Thanks!

    “He’s a man, he will do what he wants, and he does what he does.”

    This one made me laugh! Out loud, with joy – just because it is so TRUE!

    I can also relate to what you were saying in your other post, about the waterwheel. I actually love the waterwheel tool. but I totally get what you’re saying about being “in your head” when you’re thinking about doing the tool, and getting “results-oriented” because you are thinking about what you want the tool to accomplish. I do that, too. And of course, it’s so backwards, since the entire point of doing them is to get us OUT of that mode! lol

    So I like what you said at the end about relaxing and “stop seeking.” We stop seeking so it can seek us…

    “And I feel good that I am getting stronger and stronger in my boundaries so that I am making better choices for myself most of the time.”

    Me too! If nothing else, I am encountering more and more situations with men where I am forced to take a really good, hard look at exactly where I am, who I am, what is important to me, and what it is I want and don’t want to let into my life. And deciding what I’m going to do about it.

    And some of these men have messages for me – like that it is about ME! It is about my CHOICES!

    I love that. I love how men can be facilitators of US.

    Whether they are life partners, a chance meeting, or just a few dates.

    I don’t give men enough credit most of the time. I am starting to learn to feel appreciation for them.

    😀



  258.  #259Tmizz on August 16, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    …that is, of course, right after I give myself a huge, heaping dose of appreciation for ME! 🙂



  259.  #260Corin on August 16, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Ella,

    I’ve never been extrovert. However is it not possible to find your truth whilst also being feminine? Who would you really describe yourself as, extravert or introvert? I know a friend of mine has been working on herself recently and realised that a lot of her historical extrversion was simply a front or a mask.

    I’m working on finding a way that I can use Rori to express more of my true self rather than less of it.

    I’m not sure if this hits the mark on what you were thinking but just some ideas!

    xx



  260.  #261Ella on August 16, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Corin,

    Yes, I just miss that full of energy feeling and being like SUPER confident.

    I am going to experiment with being like that again and see if I can do it and still be fem.

    xoxox



  261.  #262luzydel on August 16, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Mr. TB has not call me, I wanted to use an FM and see how it works with someone like him. He is the masculine type, alpha male.

    I hope I can feel it if he calls again, so I can use my first FM. These are so difficult for me, because men seemed so distracted that I end up fthinkin it is not worth it.

    SO far I am emailing some other cute men; every time I take a break then come back the men who contact me get better 🙂



  262.  #263alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    #246. yae mel. enjoy the ride! lots o’ practice.



  263.  #264Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    263 Ella I am also outgoing and feel like I had to “tone it down”…..in order to lean back…

    But I do recall sirens on the blog recommending that it’s ok to be “sassy” or playful however you want to label it…and I feel that goes along with being witty and an extrovert by nature….I think you can have the best of both worlds so you can feel like amzing Ella is being the real amazing Ella!!

    For example, I did discover something the other night when I went out dancing with some friends, I leaned back at the club and let men approach me, and mind you, I’m not the youngest or best dressed one out of my friends or at the club…but I was approached by a LOT of men of all ages and types, asking me to dance and clumsily trying to start conversation with me!

    My friends were like omg you had so many guys!! I still showed my sassiness once they approached me and talked to me, I let my personality out but I was leaning back (physically) and also letting them lead the conversation to a certain degree, and if they bored me I moved on! I felt like I was having fun and dancing and still leaning back at the same time…but I never ever had to approach a man for attention. I was doing the waterwheel too so I wouldn’t feel so insecure, at first I felt kinda weird being there but I ended up having so much fun…I let myself be witty and “sassy” without being aggressive or challenging a man’s ideas or opinions….just laughed and had a good time….
    Just wanted to share that with you



  264.  #265Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Sirens a guy gave me his number on POF and says he wants to talk to me, I’m going to reply with my number and let him know that I feel more comfortable when the man makes the first call…and that I feel open to talking with him on the phone.

    I’m getting better at the siren thing here ladies! It was not my first gut reaction to call him once I saw his digits….in the past I would have done that….just started dialing getting all excited….but….now I’m like hmmmmm naahh….I want the guy to call me…..:-)



  265.  #266Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    @256: Mel says:
    “Guys that I winked at over 2 weeks ago are now all sending me emails. Interesting. I guess they really are very visual creatures. But this seems a little superficial. I feel judged on my looks alone…”

    Yeah, that’s what they do. That’s why you put up the pic…

    Men, you have to leave a trail of cookie crumbs to attract them. But it’s what they do after they’re attracted that counts. It’s just that you might have to cut through a bigger group,,, could be good… could be a bit much, you decide. You can turn the faucet whenever you please.
    😀

    xoxo



  266.  #267tinque on August 16, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Queenbee – If it was me, I would wait and see over the next few days what happens to my feelings. I have had in the past quick crushes that are just as quickly gone.

    If the feelings persist, then maybe experiment with this. You can tell him that you feel very attracted to him but don’t want to pursue anything. You just want to feel goo in your feel good feelings.

    xxoo



  267.  #268Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    I want to try some new makeup!! I feel inspired to have really natural, earthy colors on my eyes and lips…

    SLV how’s your makeup experimentation going?



  268.  #269Ella on August 16, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    Emerson re 266

    Thanks that is inspirational!

    That sounds great. I would love to get to that… I intend to.

    And at the moment it seems hard to find a balance.

    When I have been leaning back generally I have tended to get ignored when there are louder females around.

    But not all the time.

    Maybe this is something I need to experiment with more.

    I just LOVE feeling confident and super sexy and that makes my energy feel high, whereas sometimes when I lean back I feel insecure..

    But I am going to play with it… and experiment next time I am in a social situation.

    I would love to find that balance beween super sexy and confident and lean back/fem.

    I will be exploring this and will report on my findings

    😉

    Thanks Emerson.



  269.  #270Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    248 Jade, I don’t think you are dense, but maybe try the tools Rori talks about… and close your eyes and go with the visuals she writes about in the book…and it will maybe make more sense or seem relevant….

    Are you CDing?



  270.  #271Senior Lady Vibe on August 16, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    The movie ==> “Sliding Doors” (1998)

    “A London woman’s love life and career both hinge, unknown to her, on whether or not she catches a train. We see it both ways, in parallel.

    Young Helen is fired from her job at a PR company, and when the sliding doors of the tube car close on her, we start to see what would have happened if she’d made the train, and if she hadn’t.

    …What if one split second sent your life in two completely different directions?”
    ~Internet Movie Database

    😀



  271.  #272Ella on August 16, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    I have been doing a detox for the past 4 days… and I know it is the toxins and poisens coming out, and I have felt SO ILL!

    Seriously I did not realise I would experience this much pain and symptoms.

    I had a constant headache, aching limbs, a sore throat, gas, a dripping nose, sinus problems, lower backache (which I assume is my liver and kidneys processing the toxins) and just today my reproductive organs and vagina have started aching which I feel quite alarmed about, and I have never really felt something like this before, esp without having sex or period pains.

    Anyway today I have deviated from my detox.

    But I have not had caffeine for 4 days, or sugar (apart from one glass of coke while I was working) and I know I was getting so addicted to both of these.

    I am going to keep elements of my detox diet and keep my caffeine and sugar carefully restricted.

    So I feel generally good about my detox experience even though I did not finish it.



  272.  #273Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    271 Ella
    It was kinda weird because when I went out that night, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. I did lean back for a while where there weren’t that many guys talking to me at first…but then I got on a roll…and my vibe was good because I didn’t start out by feeling needy and approaching men at all! I felt so empowered and good about myself because the men wanted to talk to me andhad to get teh guts to walk up to me…., also a sidenote…the girlfriends I have tend to be forward leaning with guys…they approach them and ask them out and text them etc…and these are BEAUTIFUL girls…just don’t have sireny patience as I’m learning to think of it….



  273.  #274luzydel on August 16, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Some times I feel like I hate CDing and that is why I feel I need a break from it, but I am back and owning it again. I guess the secret is to take break and lean back from it to get a perspective…btw I am emailing b 4 guys and using some of the tool I have learned here lol 🙂 here is an example…

    POF GUY :Hello ***,

    I’m glad you wrote back to me.
    Tell me more about yourself.
    Would you like to talk offline sometime?
    I look forward to hearing from you again.

    ***

    ME:I live in ******, maybe about an hr from you. I have a son who just turned 13. I usually preffer to talk after some emails exchange and I feel better when the guy calls me first (just the old fashioned side of me 🙂 )

    How about you?



  274.  #275Ella on August 16, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Emerson re 275

    Yes that makes a lot of sense to me.

    Being in a place where I feel so good about myself that I feel naturally confident.

    Thing is I have totally felt this in the past.

    I Love that feeling. Just feeling super confident and doin my own thing… not even worrying about guys.

    Just feeling confident.

    Not quite sure where/how I lost that really.

    Think I can let some of that out a bit because I am naturally quite a calm person.



  275.  #276Ella on August 16, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Ow I feel excited and happy because I know I am lovely.

    🙂



  276.  #277Ella on August 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Just assume that you are beautiful… we are only making it up anyway.

    The other day I actually felt confident in front of the camera… and I was like ‘well I know I am cute so I am just going to be natural’ and I had practiced a couple of camera positions (poses) becauseit helps me to feel confident, and there were some nice pics of me.

    Yay.

    Going to finally get my camera up and runnig soon.



  277.  #278Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    277 Ella
    I think sometimes our “confidence” fluctuates due to so many things….stuff going on in our lives that is good or bad, feeling vulnerable because we’ve been hurt by a guy or a friend or a family member, or just hormonal stuff….I’ve learned not to freak out too much when my confidence feels “low” because I always seem to get it back…

    Don’t worry it’s not permanent…you’re on the right track I think!
    Hugs,
    Emerson



  278.  #279Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Ella you are indeed lovely… 🙂



  279.  #280LobbyStar on August 16, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    273:

    I LOVE that movie.



  280.  #281Tmizz on August 16, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    “I think sometimes our “confidence” fluctuates due to so many things….stuff going on in our lives that is good or bad, feeling vulnerable because we’ve been hurt by a guy or a friend or a family member, or just hormonal stuff….I’ve learned not to freak out too much when my confidence feels “low” because I always seem to get it back…”

    Emerson, I love that. That makes me feel good, because I definitely have low-confidence days, but I always get it back! Well, mostly…

    But I’ve also noticed something else. A lot of times, when I think that I am doing nothing right, and it’s all going totally wrong, and my energy must be way off or something, sometimes someone random will make a comment to the exact opposite effect. This actually happened to me over the weekend. I got totally stressed out over an event I was putting on. I actually had to take a break at one point, when there was a lull in activity, and go have an alone-time moment. I thought my energy was so low, and I felt so broken and non-confident inside. Then a woman, who is an acquaintance, not really a friend, looked at me, and said, “What’s up with you? You must be doing something different. I mean, normally you are a pretty cheerful person, but today you look really happy.” I had no idea what she was talking about, because I did not *feel* happy. But I guess my point is that sometimes we can be radiating things – wonderful things – that we don’t even know about. Quite possibly even, or especially, in those moments where we perceive our situation and everything we are doing to be “wrong.”

    Does that make any sense?



  281.  #282la chiquita bonita on August 16, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    thank you esteemed and feminine woman for your comments, im gonna work on feeling messages and leaning back and on being receptive and opening my heart when leaning back too.
    i feel lonely. im in a different city for a year now and miss my family back in my home town and when i meet someone i like i feel more attached than usual. its really hard because part of being authentic is to embrace all my feelings even the ones that arent so positive/attractive. its a challenge to be who you are and to embrace all of your feelings however filtering some of what i say or share with a man. ex. “u feel frustrated because you havent communicated for the past couple of days. i feel annoyed and disrespected with your indiference”- this for exsmple is what i authentically feel and think however am i to say that to someone i just met? no way. so i feel stuck because being fake is a turn off however expressing this would be in my opinion a turn off too so here i am completely mute



  282.  #283la chiquita bonita on August 16, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    i meant to say “i feel annoyed and disrespected etc…



  283.  #284LobbyStar on August 16, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Ok, need some help. I had a date the other night. I didn’t have a terrible time, but I don’t want to see this guy again. I don’t have a concrete reason why, but sometimes something just feels “off.” He just emailed me asking me out for Friday, and I want to be honest, but gentle in turning him down.

    The old me would’ve made some excuse about having other plans, but then he’d just come back later and ask me again. I want to nip it in the bud NOW.

    My first draft: “I have reflected upon our time together the other night, and I had a nice time with you. It was great to meet, but sometimes you just know when someone isn’t the right person for you, and I would feel better focusing my energy elsewhere.”

    Tweak, please??



  284.  #285Jade on August 16, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    #272 – Emerson, no I am not CDing yet. I don’t feel like I’m ready for it, my heart is not into it.

    I have been doing some visualization though, trying to bring my ex back. I know it’s not right, but I can’t help it, I still love him.



  285.  #286Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    chiquita – the challenge is to go a bit deeper than annoyed and disrespected

    disrespected is not really a feeling to share, 1 because it can trigger a man, and 2 because its more of a thinking thing… ie… where in your BODY do you feel disrespected? (you don’t … you probably feel angry, or upset, or, tight in your tummy)

    so you want to share non-blamingly, as if he loves and cares no matter what it may seem like

    “i feel bad not hearing from u… i miss u and i actually feel angry”

    “im feeling lonely”

    “im feeling angry, i feel unimportant and i dont want to feel like im not a priority” ( this one is even a bit thinky but might work)



  286.  #287Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Jade – the CDing is for PRACTICE. it’s not like a date where you hope something will happen with This guy… its just to practice the tools to heal yourself!

    and… the bonus is… if anything could work… THIS will get your guy that you Do want back!



  287.  #288Mel on August 16, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Awesome! I’m getting interest from some really good quality men! 😀



  288.  #289Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Jade – more.. it seems you are in a low place and feeling the heartbreak…

    riffing can really help you… its helped me and many many other women

    try it this way…

    i feel sad… and i LOVe my sadness (yes write that in)…

    and THat feels like, tears in my eyes (for example)…

    and i LOVE the tears in my eyes… and That feels like…

    and just observe the feelings shifting and changing, whatever happens

    this will HEAL you… and shift your energy and can get you to a good feeling place, FAST



  289.  #290Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Mel – you are doing so great with babysteps! yeah!!



  290.  #291Ella on August 16, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Hey Lobbystar,

    Rori says we can keep it minimal when we don’t want to see a guy again. And we don’t need to be especially polite or protect his feelings.

    So we can go with keeping it simple.

    I use ‘It felt nice to meet you and I don’t want to continue seeing each other.’

    And that is it.

    No need to explain.

    For me I HATE it when a guy gives me that speech about how I am not the one… it feels icky, like d8mn dude, we were only dating, who said anything about being the one!!

    A guy did that to me recently, said how he had been thinking about it and come to the conclusion I was not the person for him. It felt awful because I was not even that into him, and it made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

    Sometimes when you keep it simple as in my example above a guy may ask why.

    Then I just go with ‘I just don’t want to continue seeing each other’

    What do you think?

    xoxox



  291.  #292Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Luzydel – it sounds a bit businessy…

    try starting off with a feeling message… so you can get used Fast to the uncomfortable feeling of feeling vulnerable (it feels silly)

    “wow it feels kinda uncomfortable to be asked… well… i feel blessed to have a 13 year old son… and it feels awesome to… write poems/track the moon/study physics”

    theres no need to heads up him on calling you first unless he asks you to call him

    then : “oh i feel not so good… i don’t feel good calling men first… ” mentioning feeling old fashioned, and the feeling message you used about it feel better is great

    just get in as many FEELS as you can! that is the practice, and yes it feels Awkward… because its vulnerable… but soon it won’t feel so awkward anymore…

    remember its triggering guys attraction mechanism every time



  292.  #293Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Lobbystar – off like, it felt bad and you felt put down? or he may harm you?

    otherwise, ‘sometimes you just know when someone isn’t the right person for you, ‘

    is not the way to go

    remember this is for Practice of Tools… like Rori said

    so any time a guy Wants our time, is a great opportunity to practice with him!

    practice telling the truth, and being more aware with yourself… what exactly was it that you felt turned off by?

    can you say something in the moment when that comes up?

    etc…



  293.  #294Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    then again, if you Did feel bad, and have really gotten the Message from this guy – What did he show up to heal?

    then you could say… such and such felt bad, and i dont want to meet again

    he may turn it all around there! just from you being honest

    or maybe not…

    but taht is the practice

    anyway if I don’t want to see a man again, I usually dont answer his call, or sometimes say “i dont want to meet again”



  294.  #295Ella on August 16, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Daria re 295

    Yes that is what I was thinking too.



  295.  #296Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    hmm

    thereve been times when the guy kissed me and i didnt feel good… i felt repelled

    few times (maybe like 2)

    i told them i dindt want to see them again romantically

    hmmm

    interesting

    i would atually be willing to go out with those guys again i Think, maybe… would feel kinda icky draggy about it, but if they were asking me out to somewhere nice and insisting i might feel open to it now… hmmm

    then theres some men i felt attacked/scared/ creeped out with that i would NOT



  296.  #297Ella on August 16, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Luzydel,

    I second what Daria said in 294… felt a bit businessy to me too, and a little bit like a list, including what you expect of him.

    Good that you are expressing what you want though.

    Also it is of course always your choice and I know Rori recommends getting off e-mail and onto phone or even in person ASAP.



  297.  #298Daria on August 16, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Ella – ((hugs))

    I remember not being able to be “myself” too while practicing leaning back

    then i sometimes practice leaning forward… and notice how lonely i often felt being “myself” while acting like a guy buddy

    at first it feels liek a relief… and then it feels kinda not so good!

    i last did it recently with NYguy when i was in NY

    learned some more!!

    and… the more comfortable i get with receiving, the easier it is to spontaneously create lots of fun interactions too! by smiling at people and looking them in the eye for 5 secs!

    now THATS extroverted… babyteps



  298.  #299Daria on August 16, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Ella – also, I place myself somewhere where i am really visible when i do the targeting men exercise (where they all waterwheel)

    so i go to the center of the room for example

    i also do stuff like dance or strike poses that feel good to me in a self involved way

    and if/when i am able to look men in the eye for 5 seconds… well wow…

    i mean if i could look all people in the eye for 5 seconds, all the time, i think my life would heal and change in unbelievable ways



  299.  #300DE on August 16, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Okay…

    Apparently, I got me a girlfriend…instead of boyfriend…

    Daria, are u awake so I can go on?

    I need lots of feedback…;)



  300.  #301luzydel on August 16, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    well MR TB did not call and the feeling is going away somewhere. I felt like he was being a bit cold. I also sense he can be demanding sometimes and that makes me feel uncomfortable. He can come off too strong and though I apreaciate his honesty, sometimes I feel intimidated by him. Again i was not feeling out of control for him so practicing a good fm would have been nice.

    Any ideas on how to use an FM for him…I am hoping I can still feel it if he ever calls back. If not then I have to just say it and forget about how it will sound/

    It is scary to use an FM when I feel a strong chemistry for a guy,I get scared but with him I feel sprt of newtral.



  301.  #302DE on August 16, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Well, one of my CDs, “T”…that I thought is been doing awesome…went a bit downhill since over a week ago…when I felt all pissy and winny…after my fashion show experience…

    I let him be…last weekend, he didn’t ask me out…just brief txt messages…”good morning>…”…

    i responded the same.

    i felt sad, disappointed that although i communicated to him wanting something more than casual outings and hangouts…he didn’t do anything ab it…

    in the meantime, i took care of me…

    so, we haven’t spoken for about a week…besides brief txts …

    till today, out the blue, i get a txt from him stating “i would love for u to call me sometimes too….”

    I responded “aww…i feel u and understand u need that i also initiate contact…”

    he said “yes”

    me ” yet, i need to feel special…i need to be asked out on formal dates and often…i need lots of affection, stability (no disappearing acts..) what do u think?”

    he answered “okay and i would like for u to just call me a little too”…

    me “are u upset?”

    him “little”

    me “aww…i feel glad u expressing it…i felt it 🙁 ”

    him “ok sorry u felt that way”

    me “no need to say sorry, i felt the negative energy from u being upset…i didn’t feel upset…however, i have felt confused, disappointed…and a bit unworthy, sad…”

    him …nothing…yet…

    me…feeling a bit turned off…:( still disappointed…i wrote an email…i haven’t sent it yet…

    what do u all think? is like i am dealing with a girlfriend…:(



  302.  #303Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    304 DE
    I like your feeling messages and you are communicating from the heart, so it seems to me!



  303.  #304DE on August 16, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    Aww…so sweet of u Emerson 🙂

    Thank u 🙂

    I feel a bit scared of what Daria might say though…If this were a paper to correct, I foresee lots of red marks…lol…

    I love my sense of humor…

    I love my fears…of being wrong 🙁

    warm hugs,



  304.  #305AmazingMe on August 16, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Wow, I dunno I am just over the whole dating scene. It’s like I am hiding from it and don’t want to bother. I mean I am working on an important test and passing it gives me my license which I have paid good money to have. I just feel like I cannot move forward with things such as dating until I get through some of this turmoil in my life. I am always the one who says, “read the poem ,”Dance Like No One’s Watching”” Which is an amazing way to look at things and I know you should never put your life on hold. I am for one of the first times not putting my life on hold for a man. I am doing it for me even though I am not sure what the answers are anymore. I am one of those girls who when leaning back and holding back being myself then I feel fake. I don’t want to feel fake, I want to be honest and true to myself and others….okayyyyyy i said my peace! Babysteps working it out



  305.  #306Femininewoman on August 16, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    AmazingMe how about just being in the moment and being you. With no plan no strategy just be human. You never know who is watching so just expressing rather than impressing is the way to go. Just live



  306.  #307Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    DE: I think the silence could be a good sign because he is taking time to consider if he can give you what you are expressing what you want. He’s not giving a quick answer just to appease you.

    This could be a really good thing!



  307.  #308Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    I experienced something similar with my beloved. For two months it seemed like he wasn’t all that interested…this happened a few weeks after we things had really started to gel between us. I thought he wasn’t that interested but when we spoke about it later, he said he just needed to get clear within himself if he was ready to make a commitment… He knew I was a catch and that if he was going to be with me he had to really step up and he needed to get clear within himself if he was ready to make the commitment. He was shocked that I had the impression that he wasn’t interested.



  308.  #309DE on August 16, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    Laughing Goddess:

    Aww…so sweet of u to comment 🙂 Thank you…

    Hmm…yes, awesome observation…i want him to be authentic and speak his truth and not “please” me…just because…

    it just reminded me a feeling i had…that i actually expressed to him once…feeling afraid he may choose not to be himself just so he could “please me”…because he shared with me in one of our dates…that he feels nervous and that he needs to watch what he is saying closely…:( i picked up on it…as being a “pleaser”…as much as I would enjoy a “yes mamm” in the beginning…i would get so fricking bored soon after and i would “eat” him for breakfast 🙁

    sigh…

    warm hugs,



  309.  #310DE on August 16, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    LG # 310:

    Wow…i feel so much better reading your experience…:)

    warm hugs,



  310.  #311DE on August 16, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    Here is an email message I worked on after this recent txt exchange…

    “I am asked to initiate more contact and call …

    When a woman leans fwd by calling, planning dates, etc…she is no longer in her feminine self…she is pursuing…she is taking the job of a man…

    As a result, she builds expectations, resentment, and frustration…and she turns herself off from desiring being with a man since she’s become one; or becomes clingy, needy, thus pushing the man away……I believe this is one of the main causes of break-ups…

    And I am that woman…that is why, I desire a very masculine man in my life…a man who would value and respect me being a woman and not place me in uncomfortable situations. I am looking for a life partner…where our energies are freely and organically exchanged and are empowering each partner to become the best he/she can be…

    I realize I have high-maintenance needs such as: feeling courted, safe, special, affection, missed; and asked out on planned dates, receiving flowers,…on a consistent basis…

    Men know what they want and always do what they want..sooner or later…this is one thing I learned with certainty…

    Me pursuing a man would not make him want me more …to the contrary…

    I sense your hesitation…and I refuse to question it.

    You have your reasons…and although, I feel sad, I need to accept that I may not be what you are looking for…and that answer only belongs to you…”

    Any comments?



  311.  #312alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    #310 LG aw. that felt so good to read. sweet.



  312.  #313Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    DE: The sense I get about your email is that it could be super helpful that you wrote it out for yourself so you could be really clear on what you want…yet I personally wouldn’t send it to him.

    My suggestion would be to lean back and give him a chance to figure it out for himself and see what he says.

    How does that feel?



  313.  #314alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    what i learned today with new cd on phone…

    if someone complains to me, then i try to find solutions (this is the half man in me)

    and partly because

    1) i want to help
    2) I think I’m smart and can help
    3) I don’t want to hear them complain anymore so if i “fix” the problem they will stop.

    BUT NO

    some people are just complainers. THEY DON’T WANT SOLUTIONS. they just want to complain abot a lot of things.

    ok. this is very good and valuable information for me to have. since is shortcircuits my need for appreciation and also puts inspires me into “giving advice” mode.

    EW. NOT what i want with a man.

    I figured it out on my hike after our convo. I was like

    OH

    he was complaining.
    i was offering solutions (advice…ack)
    and he was negating every idea

    EW.

    yae!!!!!!!

    this is terrific. next time if this comes again inmy life i will be right on it and know what is going on ,

    i feel terrific. this is also another long standing pattern in my life.

    wow.

    wow

    leaps and bounds.

    i am making goddess progress by leaps and bounds!!!



  314.  #315Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    I think you communicated really well in the texts what you want and I’m guessing that now he needs some time to let it percolate.



  315.  #316DE on August 16, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    LG:

    Hmm…interesting…that was my initial purpose…of my email…to figure what i want and don’t want…in this context…

    i agree…hold on to it and lean back…

    thank u 🙂

    warm hugs,



  316.  #317alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    actually i talked to 2 new cds today. one was nice but.. meh..

    and he kept saying if i ever come to his neighborhood

    finally i said “i don’t know how i feel about me going to a man. you know? as a woman and all…driving to see a man”

    he said “yeah i guess….i see what you’re saying. like if i really want something maybe i should be willing to put in the effort.”



  317.  #318alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    my other post didn;t post. ah well.



  318.  #319Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    AG: I remember reading something that FW posted (Hi FW!) about how when a man is really interested in us he will sometimes start to focus on work more and come across as disinterested when in fact, the opposite is true. He’s feels compelled to dive into work or getting his life together so that he can fulfill his role as provider.

    Meeting a woman that they are really interested in triggers this desire to provide and be successful where when they were a bachelor, they had less drive.

    This can comes across as disinterest when really it is just the opposite.



  319.  #320Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    Oh gosh, I so want to chat on here tonight yet I feel exhausted. I feel concerned that everything I try to write is coming out garbled. Sigh….



  320.  #321Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    I think what you are talking about is Rori’s rubberbanding concept that men do after they experience intimacy, they need a “break”……and may withdraw, but we need to keep leaning back at this time and either they rubberband back sooner or later…meanwhile us Goddesses are CDing ourselves and our friends and other men…so we don’t worry about the rubberband or where it’s stretched out to.
    🙂 🙂



  321.  #322Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    One other thing I’d like to share is that after my beloved took that time to get clear within himself and made the decision that I was the prize he wanted, he was fully committed.

    I have tested him and tried to push him away (cuz of my own fears of intimacy) and he’s not going anywhere. I truly believe that part of the reason he feels so solid about his love for me is because he was able to make the decision without any pressure from me.



  322.  #323Emerson on August 16, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    77 Alias girl did you ever figure out why that guy sent you 3 different pics?? LOL makes me laugh



  323.  #324Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Emerson: Ya, the rubberband concept applies here although the focusing on work thing I was talking about was an article from a different coach…I can’t remember who…I just remember feeling kind of shocked reading it yet also felt an inner knowing that it was so true.



  324.  #325DE on August 16, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    LG:

    Wishing u sweet dreams 🙂 Thank u for giving me awesome feedback 🙂

    Feeling exhausted too!

    Nite, nite!!!



  325.  #326Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    Nighty night DE. Hugs!!!



  326.  #327Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    LG, your experience sounds a lot like mine.



  327.  #328Laughing goddess on August 16, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    I feel curious Lucy! What was your experience?



  328.  #329alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    #324 emerson no that was one of the few emails i didn’t respond to and just straight deleted. i felt creeped out by it. and i like to really pay attention when that feeling comes up.

    but i respond to at least 90% of my emails.



  329.  #330alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    and i give out my number like it’s an 800 # on a bath stall.

    and still i’d say about 10% of the guys have called so far. if even.

    i’ve gotten a TON of texts though. i was surprised i had to pay xtra on my cell bill last month for overage on texts. this is not sarcasm. this is true.

    and i don’t even text back for the most part. lol.



  330.  #331alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    #320 LG. aw. that is sweet. i love when a man finds a woman he really wants to step up for. xoxo



  331.  #332Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    What do you all think “commitment” means? (As in “a committed relationship.”)



  332.  #333Esteemed on August 16, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    English Woman,

    RE: #204 – Ok, that is how I will celebrate my new job! You and I can have virtual tea and krumpets with the queen in the palace! LOL!



  333.  #334Esteemed on August 16, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    La Chiquita Bonita,

    RE: #284 – I agree with being genuine. You could say something like this…

    I feel a lil sad and lonely being so far from friends and family, and I feel thankful that I have met a new friend.



  334.  #335Esteemed on August 16, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    Yay, more good news in the R department! He texted me tonight, yes, HE initiated! We texted for about an hour, and then he called me! And he said he’s going to the prayer meeting tomorrow! That is one of the FEW times he ever made plans in the future with me! He has grown so much!! I feel so happy!

    About the job, I still don’t have a start date, and I still haven’t had a call back to finally agree on the salary. I feel a lil frustrated, and I know it will all work out. Can’t wait! Trying not to let that steal my joy.



  335.  #336Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    329 LG… My experience with this man has been similar to what you described in 323.



  336.  #337Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    I feel a lil confused abt what is the RR way in this situation…He wants to do whatever I need in order to be exclusive w him and to keep the relationship moving forward, toward marriage…but I don’t know quite what I need at this time. (I gave the “no gf” speech but I don’t quite understand what I meant by it!) He said he will be sad if I see other ppl but he won’t see anyone else anyway. I am not ready to move in with him or agree to marry him…so what would “commitment” mean in this case?



  337.  #338English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    #226 Alias Girl

    “i want to share my enthusiasm with people but i feel afraid if people are at a different vibration they will resent me.”

    For myself nothing could be further from the truth, when I read your positive uplifting messages it makes ME feel more positive, so please keep posting them, as you are helping yourself you are helping others. 🙂



  338.  #339alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    #339 EW thank you!!! i feel very encouraged and accepted for where i’m at. 🙂 🙂



  339.  #340alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    OMG HHG on POF OOTB! (out of the blue…i just made that up so i could add another acronym.)

    but i have never seen this guy before and he is HHG! my age. and he actually looks like a matured version of my favorite person in the world.

    my heart literally went tha-thump.

    whoa.

    and he’s all like lookin for a monagomous relationship and what not.

    and i…

    treating them all the same told him i would love to be in a relationship but not until it feels right and until then i am dating.

    no. you don’t get to test drive me exclusively while you decide.

    i feel proud of myself. it really feels instinctual and good. i <3 rori and siren and island. 🙂



  340.  #341English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    #231 Tmizz

    Great post, sounds like you are really getting it!



  341.  #342alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    #338 lucy. i feel curious.

    i wonder what any of the coaches would say is a rori way recommendation…

    keep cding until you know for sure?
    ?

    ??

    what a quality dilemma though.

    i feel interested to hear other’s responses.



  342.  #343alias girl on August 16, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    re HHG

    argh QUIET NV. no one is asking you. no one here believes a word you say. UNRELIABLE source of information. go now, please. thank you.



  343.  #344la chiquita bonita on August 16, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Alias girl keep up the positive posts it feels nice to read them and a glimpse of hope:) i dont know how you and other sirens do it…date other men when your into one! keep me posted on how this works because i just think how potential guys would feel turned off by this or atleast i am scared to think they would. i bet it might work but it feels scary like im gonna lose him if i do this-especially latin men they are very territorial and if they date you they expect it to be just them…they will find it a bruise to the ego lol not all but some that ive encountered. i wonder if it works if i stick to it though it might be to my advantage if i make a latin men jealous;) i dont know ive posted on here many times how if im interested on one/crushing on one more than i feel like im using the others i just cant help feel this way cdating is so freaking hard!!!



  344.  #345English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    #341 Alias Girl

    no. you don’t get to test drive me exclusively while you decide.

    😀 😀 😀



  345.  #346Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    AG, thank you for your response. <3



  346.  #347Lucy on August 16, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    Is there any form of committment besides living together or marriage?



  347.  #348English Woman on August 16, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    #348 Lucy

    Is it the actual living together as in sharing the same house, bed, bathroom, etc. that is bothering you?



  348.  #349alias girl on August 17, 2011 at 12:57 am

    #348 lucy What is YOUR Happy Ever After?

    what does that mean to YOU?



  349.  #350alias girl on August 17, 2011 at 1:01 am

    #345 la chiquita bonita. baby steps. i experiment a lot and then see how i FEEL. i experiment with doing it rori’s way and how do i feel. i experiment with doing it my old way and how do i feel. i experiment with doing things a way i have never tried and how do i feel.

    feelings are the compass. that’s why it was Invaluable to learn to get in touch with how i FEEL.

    i don’t think about the guy and what he may or may not do or what is he thinking or will he leave.

    i focus on how do i FEEL. what is MY Happy Ever AFter.



  350.  #351Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:05 am

    okie dokie!! so my dream last nite was about….

    oh yeah i was riding my bike wearing baggy clothes and also a big Branch of a tree wiht the leaves hanging above my head

    and i was hopeing someone cool would see me

    well eventually this guy – not so cool – did catch up with me in an alley… where i had to back up because it was all tangled with beams and stuff

    and then a car Did pull over to talk to that guy, and one of the guys was cute but he already had a girl with him and i felt kinda jealous/attacky towards her

    and i was going to my sisters house – her old house – to smoke and chill but i didn’t get there cuz i woke up



  351.  #352Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:06 am

    after i told nyguy i had a crush on him

    his status later changed to I love my life … i love my lifeeeee

    and now today i see comments he made that the girls like him so ha

    so im wondering if that was sponsored by me

    and i feel kinda not so good asout it and also smily about it



  352.  #353Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:10 am

    last nite i just did some EFT

    i started with tapping stratight on the points margaret lynch style and stating my beliefs and feelings (no even though… setup)

    i started with tapping on how i am not tapping and dont want to tap and eventually moved on to tapping about my dad and about 3 ex boyfriends as my mind brought them up

    there was a lot of crying so yay my energy is shifting!! and healing

    and realized how much i appreciated about Guywho

    and i thought he liked me because i was loyal and giving, but realized… since i was so lonely and desperate for companionship…

    he actually liked me because he could Give to me and Care for me that way! woww

    and he really really did!

    he helped my self esteem grow sky high

    and then there was more for ME to do, and that was aorund love loving myself, and putting myself first

    ohhh

    it felt wonderful to tap on it!

    Thank you Daria so much!



  353.  #354Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:30 am

    Ella – you are probably asleep now… but i just woke up and am available now 🙂



  354.  #355Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:30 am

    wooopS! not Ella, DE !



  355.  #356Ella on August 17, 2011 at 2:40 am

    DE – Re 313

    I agree wih LG.

    I would not send it either.

    It would feel as thugh I was doing his job by figuring it all out for him and explaining.

    xxxxx



  356.  #357Ella on August 17, 2011 at 2:50 am

    LG re 310

    Thank you so much for sharing that!

    It makes me feel SOOO much better about the situation with J because I now have a new perspective I can use and new thoughts I can choose.

    I felt so confused about how he seemed so into me and wanted to be around me and was trying hard to convice me he was a good guy, and then poofed.

    I just assumed that he doesn’t want me, not that into me etc… And that feels pretty bad.

    Now I have the alternate option which is that he does want me, and yet he knows he is 19, lives with his parents, doesn’t have a car or much money and is still figuring out his sexuality.

    So even if he wants me loads, he may know that I am a catch and he is not ready and able to step up and commit in the way required.

    And those thoughts feel a lot better to me.

    So thanks LG for the new, better feeling perspective.

    I am going to assume he wants me.

    DE – I have also learnt a lot from your posts today. I LOVE how you are exploring with your guy when he is asking you to initiate. I have tended to say a flat out no… or maybe a no with a FM. And it has often just halted the courting.

    What I will take away is that it is an opportunity to discuss deeper both people’s take on initiating during romance and a chance to pracice FMs.

    Thanks Sirens.

    Love you all.

    xoxoxox



  357.  #358Patricia on August 17, 2011 at 3:27 am

    Good morning Siren Chickies

    so……update….I would like to share……had my LD visit for the weekend…..kept expectations reasonable and took it one thing at a time……he stayed in a hotel the first night……meeting was phenomenal and fun and I felt excited and nervous and curious but not scared!!! We had been emailing, texting and talking on the phone for well over a month after meeting on eharmony and he drove 7 hours for our meeting Saturday night just flowed so naturally….kept it light and fun….lot of laughter and spontaneity……it just flowed……I kept using Rori’s tools…..leaned back….let him lead and organize….let him lead the disclosure……it felt comfortable to spend the day Sunday with him and I tried to use a lot of feeling messages…..he opened up so well making it easier to get to know each other…..it felt comfortable inviting him to stay at my place the second night and again not afraid……just open communication about what felt comfortable…..and in case you’re wondering…yes chemistry was off the wall……and yes after texting, emailing and phoning for a month and meeting and enjoying and trusting the connection in person the sexuality just flowed naturally….what a rush that is…..

    I don’t know….maybe by the time mid life comes along….there is less drama and more clarity about life and knowing a good thing when I see it……the maturity helps tremendously…no games….both people having well established lives and knowing what they want….it makes for great foundation for a strong connection……..so we both expressed an interest in reaching for more and being curious as to where this adventure will take us without rigid expectations….more going with the flow……letting the spirit of friendship and love guide the path…..feeling our way through……

    I was thinking about how Rori’s tools are so important for keeping the flow going……no matter what stage a relationship is at…..AND continuing the CDing in the sense that even though someone comes along that wants to commit to the explore…the CDing means keeping engaged with other friends, male friends, etc to keep it all in balance. I am not interested in being sexually involved with more than one man at a time…but I think other male friendships and women friendships are good…….if they are open……

    oh yeah….and here’s what LD said to me in a couple of open moments together…….”I’m not going anywhere….I’m yours exclusively until you tell me otherwise”…………there was no expectation that I answer in kind……and I didn’t …..but before he left I was open and said……”I don’t want you to go……I want to explore this and see where it will go……” We both acknowledged some of the challenges (like the 7 hour drive) but also recognized some of the amazing blessings that could make it work (our flex work schedules, both liking adventure, open to being creative to stay connected, respect for family obligations, etc.)

    …..wow dating with the heart feels right……….



  358.  #359Emoticon on August 17, 2011 at 4:51 am

    oh my goodness i have SO much to tlk abt!

    So my parents are really pissed at me. I came home this summer for four weeks which ends this coming saturday. My mother was on my back for every little thing from Monday, which was my parents anniversary and I feel like i was getting the brunt of my father doing nothing for their anniversary. Looking at it from his perspective, i can sort of understand and she was really tackling it all wrong and unsireny. I cant seem to explain to her what attitude changes she needs within herself, because I feel under attack all the time. I feel dismissed everytime we talk and its really a mood killer.

    So i got dressed and went out last night. 1. because it is my last week here and i go back to school in Baltimore next week! I actually leave Saturday. 2. because I felt really defensive, and i felt like i needed to get out of the house.

    My friend invited me to go bar hopping with her and a couple friends. I left the house and come home at abt 5. My parents r awake asking me a shit-load of questions. I only told them of one of the bars we went to, didn’t think too much detail was necessary. They accused me of “lying” and “sleeping out” and said they WENT TO THE AREA I SAID I WOULD BE, LOOKING FOR ME. I felt like that was so unnecessary. I feel so infantile just HEARING that. I’m 21. You guys with kids might disagree with me, but im confused as to what the point was of going to check out the area so they could tell me im lying cuz there was nothing goin on in the area at 3 am when they passed by. I said nothing about it but i feel really offended.

    Im supposed to go to help them out with the family business later and honestly i feel reluctance, fear, anxiety. I feel really defensive and my usual reaction is to just shut down completely, not speak or anything. This only makes my mother even worse. She starts reproaching me for everything she has ever done for me, and i really mean that! Then she does things that i feel are so full of spite. I dont kno what to do about this situation. What is the Sireny way to deal with this. I used a FM with them last night. My father understood, but my mothers dismissive nature prevented her from hearing anything i said. And now THIS! Them being mad at me and really picking on everything i do just because I got in late (half an hour later than i usually get in) I feel like this is all as a result of the pre-existing friction, between my mother and myself. SIGH!!! how do i deal with this?



  359.  #360Daria on August 17, 2011 at 5:11 am

    Emoticon – ((Hugs)) i so relate. i know how hard it can be.

    i guess one thing that Rori has told me is that parents trigger us and retrigger us so much that it’s really difficult to shift with them

    i try using feeling messages, as much as i can (which is just a lil bit)

    and that Has made some difference

    i also practice staying open and NOT blaming and judging them even in my thoughts (there was some blaming and judging in your post)

    that feels overwhelming so i pat myself on the back every little step or time i am able to do this

    i feel so sad and lonely too when my momther looks at me i see like she’s looking at me with a hard critcial contemptous look… and some of that is me judging… and i feel so triggered and feel bad and lonely 🙁 and that’s so much my pattern… and sometimes when i get triggered with her i “lose it” and raise my voice and defend myself

    and i love myself

    babysteps

    congratulations for having the awareness to share your feeling message with them!

    maybe sink into your feelings and love them and feel them so that you don’t hold on to the hard defense in your body

    love for you! Daria



  360.  #361T-Girl on August 17, 2011 at 5:28 am

    348 Lucy,

    What does commitment mean to you? I am in a committed relationship meaning we only see each other. We are not married nor or we living together. We have only been together for 3 months so neither of those is logical at this time anyway, but we are still in a committed relationship.



  361.  #362Emoticon on August 17, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Thank you Daria, i really feel like I am very defensive with them. My whole body gets tense in these situations and I cant even speak most of the time. I usually just cry. I think that annoys or aggravates them. I took a real chance and it took everything within me to get that FM out last night. I do realize i was being very blamey in my post. I feel like I need to get away…



  362.  #363Mel on August 17, 2011 at 5:41 am

    I’m feeling very high energy lately. I had a 2-hour chat with another guy last night. This one takes the cake! I swear every time I typed LOL, I actually meant it! Super witty, super cute, smart, flirty. At the end he said: “Wow, this was the most fun I’ve ever had chatting with someone… if this was our first date and it went this well, I’d plant a big wet kiss on you!” I said: “I’d even let you! 😉 ”

    Seriously, ladies, I’m rocking this CD thing. I’ve got like 5 guys in hot pursuit. Yes, I am THAT sireny! 🙂 LOL! Each of them actually seems pretty cool. I’ll have to create some sort of database so that I can keep ’em all straight!

    Fun, fun, fun!



  363.  #364Daria on August 17, 2011 at 5:53 am

    Lucy – Rori calls that dating. and she says that if that’s what you want, then that’s great!



  364.  #365Daria on August 17, 2011 at 5:55 am

    Yay Mel!



  365.  #366Ella on August 17, 2011 at 5:56 am

    Emoticon re 363

    I realise you are talking about your parents and when I read this post I immediately thought ‘that is exactly what happens to me when I try to have sex with a man’

    I feel a little bit bashful to say that when you are actually on a very different topic!

    And the reactions for me are pretty much the same… I feel tense, defensive, my body tightens up and I think it aggredvates them etc…

    I guess it is anything the really triggers us?

    Anyway hugs and I hope you can work it out with your parents.

    xoxoxo



  366.  #367Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:02 am

    Emoticon remember they are doing the best they know how. You might also feel like they are ganging up against you because they are a team. Best to lean back and share your feelings in as soft a manner as you possibly can. They are only concerned for your safety and maybe trying to help you to not make the same mistakes they did. Also remember there are parents out there that lost their children, like that girl in Aruba. I would encourage you to acknowledge their fear and appreciate them for their concern about your safety but also let them know how you feel. They might be blinded by their own fear so they might be unaware how they are coming across.



  367.  #368Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Mel not to throw cold water on your party but I would encourage you to keep the cyber connection shorter if you want to date these guys. Remember they are good at creating imaginary relationships. Also you don’t want a cyber romeo, you want to go out on actual dates with courting etc. Think inspire them to chase you. If they can get a lot of your emotional energy through chatting it might be enough for some of them.



  368.  #369AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Thanks FW…I love your advice! I was thinking on my way home from dropping my kids off at school about my ending to my story or really the beginning to my happy ever after. How would I write it and what would I want and who would I want it with? It dawned on me no matter my story or who with I still want the same thing, a “REAL” and pure true love and happiness. That’s it not too much right?!



  369.  #370Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:09 am

    By the way Emoticon if you can I would encourage you to kind of focus the FMs more towards your dad. If you inspire him he could influence your mom.



  370.  #371Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:10 am

    Our dreams for our lives are never too much AmazineMe. Someone said dream big. That is the beauty about kids imagination.



  371.  #372Mel on August 17, 2011 at 6:15 am

    I agree FW.

    This 2-hour chat was my first contact with this guy. I let it go on so long because I was actually having a lot of fun. I didn’t even realize all that time had passed.

    If he engages me in another lengthy chat I think I’ll say something like “It feels really fun to chat with you, but it would feel better to meet in person. What do you think?”

    As for the others… there have just been a couple emails back and forth. In a way, this is good for me too because it allows me to judge a bit better if I even WANT to meet them in person. I have already weeded out a few this way.



  372.  #373AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:19 am

    So true FW…inspiring really, My whole life I was always told I can be whatever I wanted to be, Thanks to my mom! I always wanted to be a nurse and I graduated with by AS degree in Nursing. I tell my kids if you want something bad enough you have to go get it because it will not just be handed to you. Problem being I spend so much time in fight mode it’s hard for me to lean back…hmmm..



  373.  #374Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:20 am

    To me a commitment also means that the guy can show up unannounced at any time at your job, home etc. It is assumed that you go to important events together, you have preestablished date plans, as in you are building a life together.

    A commitment is something that you can discuss and agree on together though it might seem unromantic. I believe each situation can be different. Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks are very big on commitments and teach that when times get rocky the couple revisit the commitment together and decide together if that is what they want.



  374.  #375Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:22 am

    Mel I totally get you. As long as it feels good to you, go with your feeling.



  375.  #376AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:26 am

    #373 Mel: I too have weeded a lot of guys out that way. I usually don’t make it to the first date is the problem. Are my expectations too high? Who knows, I am just not in the mood to play games or settle for anything less



  376.  #377Daria on August 17, 2011 at 6:27 am

    AmazingMe – maybe its time to practice Allowing instead…

    maybe allow things To be handed to you… because yes it does happen…

    receive receive receive!



  377.  #378Daria on August 17, 2011 at 6:29 am

    AmazingMe – something that REALLY inspired me are some of Mama Gena’s writings on this

    i bought her books – very affordable… like $8 dollars (had to download adobe reader for it) and felt so taken by the wave of feminine glory



  378.  #379Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:31 am

    RE 374 AmazingMe sounds like me. I thought I was not good enough for most of my life and believed that I had to fight for everything. After starting to read about relationships I discovered Dr. Paul who writes about emotional styles as the King/Queen, Magician, Lover and Warrior. I came out as a Warrior and the more I learned about myself and became intimate with myself I realized it was a mask, a persona I had developed because of my beliefs about myself and my life. As I dug deeper I realized I did not like it and it was really covering up the real me. I now lean more towards the Queen style as I no longer believe I have to fight for everything. It was just my thinking and I am not my thoughts.



  379.  #380Mel on August 17, 2011 at 6:37 am

    My criteria for emails…

    – If I feel like I have to correct their spelling or grammar… NOPE! Of course chatting lingo is fine, but there should be SOME intelligible words in there!

    – If they ask the same questions over and over again… SORRY!

    – If their text is too full of sexual innuendo and it feels creepy… delete.

    – If the first comment is “Can I see more pics?” I want to be appreciated for other things too buddy!

    Those are just a few of the ways I have been weeding out. I’m still coming back with some high quality ones though. So far 2 actual dates and a couple more in the works. 🙂



  380.  #381AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:38 am

    #378 Daria I know that is hard for me to believe! Receiving makes me feel so vulnerable, like at the giver’s mercy. MY NV’s say forget that! Lol It is a challenge for me in a lot of ways yet my parents call me a princess. They say it joking but I know they mean it to a point then I think ok am I being a princess? Am I spoiled? Should I feel bad about this? Negative feelings yuck! FW we can relate in many ways on all that stuff!



  381.  #382AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:43 am

    Mel #381…SO ME!!LOL when I was reading your criteria I was like yes! That is what I do. The spelling or grammar bugs me but can be overlooked(I am not a english teacher :), too much sex talk yup bye bye, Nagging for pics, especially the full body shot pics-YUCK! Get to know me, share laughs, make an effort, kind, caring, and respectful! Those are the ones I keep, mind you still single..lol



  382.  #383Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:47 am

    AmazingMe I had to share this with you. Is it synchronicity or what I just go it in my email box

    Don’t Water Down Your Dreams

    Oftentimes, people allow the opinions of others to hold them back and water down their dreams. But, we have to realize that there will always be critics and naysayers in life. One of the most important things you can learn is that other people don’t have to believe in you in order for your dreams to come to pass. Other people don’t set the limits for your life — you do! It’s not what others say about you that affects your life, but what you say and believe about yourself.
    It doesn’t matter if other people don’t believe. Their unbelief is not going to keep me from believing in my dreams.” In other words, you don’t need everyone else to validate you.



  383.  #384AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:48 am

    FW #380: Why is that? Why do we feel as though we are not good enough? My mom when I was growing up gave me lots of love and encouragement. I don’t understand it, My sister is like that too! We like to hear good job! I am proud of you! WTF we are not 5.



  384.  #385Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:50 am

    AmazingMe people give because it makes them feel good. It has nothing to do with you. You are at someone’s mercy if you borrow. At least that is what I believe.



  385.  #386AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:51 am

    #384 That is so true! I used to seek validation from others, though I am still a work in progress. I have been really just finding who I am and what I want.



  386.  #387Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 6:54 am

    RE 385 Maybe it was not given in the area that you really needed it so your childish mind made up some stories that you have not unearthed as yet.

    Good job speaks to what you did not who you are.

    Many of us as parents do the same thing because we did not have the role model to teach us how to validate our kids.



  387.  #388Daria on August 17, 2011 at 6:54 am

    yes you ARE a princess and that’s wonderful!

    and yes your parents may have their own beliefs and NV’s and may think that its not ok for Them to be that way and so they attack you with their own NV’s…

    but… you are you and you DESERVE to be wonderful and to BE A PRINCESS THAT YOU ARE!!

    you DESERVE to be spoiled!!

    and yes, RECEIVING D?OES FEEL VULNERABLE! because yes… GIVING is a way to control… so that you know who and when you are giving to… and are Not at the mercy or dependent… or vulnerable

    love your NV’s and let them know you are in charge, and they are Not running you today! you are going to give this happiness thing a chance



  388.  #389AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:54 am

    So is it my own stuff…guilt? When I take from those who give, I feel like I owe them something in return! Like my parents they give and provide for me because they love me and my children but i constantly feel in debt to them. Thing is money can’t buy what they have given to me



  389.  #390Daria on August 17, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Rori says many brilliant men can have awful spelling…
    and the criteria we require are taht 1. he wants us and wants to make us happy



  390.  #391AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:59 am

    #389..wow it’s so nice to read that Daria. I feel it is wrong to feel like a princess. Princess is just a term though, I just want more. I have worked my butt off for my position but it doesn’t feel good enough. Like OK you got your degree but you cannot pass your boards to save your own life or your childrens! NV’s!!



  391.  #392Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 7:05 am

    AmazingMe says “Like OK you got your degree but you cannot pass your boards to save your own life or your childrens! NV’s!!”

    This reminds me of the story of Col Sanders. He went to several places trying to peddle his chicken recipe but was turned down. I am sure if he listened to his NVs after all those rejections he would not have come across the one person who was willing to take a chance on him. We all know the KFC success story it turned out to be.



  392.  #393Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 7:06 am

    KS you are on my mind. “You are always on my mind, you are always on my mind”.



  393.  #394Emoticon on August 17, 2011 at 7:10 am

    You all have very valid points. They are going to be my parents forever. I can’t change them, but i can probably change the way i relate to them.



  394.  #395Senior Lady Vibe on August 17, 2011 at 7:15 am

    @270: Emerson says:
    “…SLV how’s your makeup experimentation going?…”

    Still looking at things (trying to figure it out) and wearing bare skin… 😆

    How’re you doing?

    😀

    xoxo



  395.  #396Daria on August 17, 2011 at 7:17 am

    AmazingME – you CAN do anything…

    but you dont HAVE to do anything

    you have all the time in the world…

    and you were BORN deserving, a princess, and a gift to the world just by being here and breathing



  396.  #397AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 7:19 am

    #397 yes we are gifts here aren’t we! Thank you for the insight Daria, much appreciated!



  397.  #398Emoticon on August 17, 2011 at 7:20 am

    Daria and AmazingMe …. much love… and more power to that conversation.



  398.  #399Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Here are 5 Tips to getting the most out of your profile and photos:

    About your profile: maybe writing isn’t even something you think you do all that well.

    Even so, you can do this:

    1. THE FIRST THING IS TO BE ABSOLUTELY HONEST
    ABOUT YOURSELF.

    You are looking for that man who will like – and actually love YOU – THE REAL YOU!

    2. EXAMINE PAST RELATIONSHIPS and list the things that you liked and the things you did not like.

    If he smoked in the house and you hated it, you won’t like it any better the next time.

    If you love cats and will always want to own one or more, say that you’re an animal lover and want indoor pets.

    Someone who hates cats or is allergic to them isn’t the guy for you.

    3. ACCENT THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNIQUE.

    If you play the piano well, you really want Mr. Right to appreciate it.

    If you run in marathons, a couch potato is not a good match.

    If you love art, you really don’t want a man who thinks Picasso is an ice cream flavor.

    4. DESCRIBE THE THINGS THAT ARE VITAL in your
    life.

    If volunteering is the one thing that makes you feel useful and worthwhile, you want someone who would, at the very least, support you if not join you in your volunteer projects.

    When you get beyond superficial things, you will attract men who share your values.

    5. INVEST IN YOUR ONLINE PROFILE by hiring a professional photographer for your first online picture.

    This is so important.

    The picture is the FIRST thing men see.

    The second thing is that they read what you’ve written about yourself.

    We at LoveRomanceRelationship have discovered
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    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/go/lookbetter



  399.  #400Daria on August 17, 2011 at 7:49 am

    I used an Alanna Pratt tool today to fill myself up from the earth into my pelvis with power

    and allow that to radiate and be communicated even through my eyes… so i can look forward not down

    it felt scary and at some times i evne started sahking and trembling

    and it felt awesome too! felt so good to be able to smile

    an i looked amazing in mirrors…

    and i noticed people looking at me!!

    yum



  400.  #401Emerson on August 17, 2011 at 8:04 am

    SLV I am doing great thank you!!! I thought of you because I bought a new eyeshadow and a new, soft blush brush…to freshen up my makeup collection…and I was wondering how your experimentation was going!

    I got a compliment from recycledCD…I started wearing a little bit of blush recently, after not wearing it for years! he asked me if I wore makeup, and commented that my skin looked pretty and glowing…
    I was like wow!!!! I felt all warm and smiley that he said that but I didn’t give him a direct answer whether it was makeup or my natural glow! LOL

    Sometimes just a little something can make us feel good and give us a wow factor! I love playing with makeup!



  401.  #402Emerson on August 17, 2011 at 8:05 am

    This girl is cute, she does makeup tutorials and drugstore product reviews! I learn a lot from these videos because I suck at applying eyeliner! I hope the link works….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kY2Xzg3V7U&feature=relmfu



  402.  #403Senior Lady Vibe on August 17, 2011 at 8:11 am

    @313: DE says:
    “Any comments?”
    Tuesday, 16 August 2011 @ 8:09pm

    Hi DE,
    From my point of view, the message is rather long with several issues and some forecasting of what a man does. I’d probably go for one line with one “major proposition.” ==>

    I look forward to hearing from you; I’m happy and excited when you call.

    😀

    xoxo



  403.  #404Emerson on August 17, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Emoticon
    It probably is no comfort to you…but I think it’s a natural phase to be going through at your age..21 is hard for parents because they have to “let go” and let you be an adult, whereas they still remember you as their baby and want to protect you because they love you I’m sure….and you probably realize that….

    It’s hard because sometimes parents don’t know how to deal with that anxiety/worry and it may come out negatively…just my own two cents and theory….I think it will get better over time.

    Hugs,
    Emerson



  404.  #405Senior Lady Vibe on August 17, 2011 at 8:18 am

    @318: alias girl says:
    “…he said ‘yeah i guess….i see what you’re saying. like if i really want something maybe i should be willing to put in the effort.’ ”

    Bingo! 😀

    xoxo



  405.  #406Emoticon on August 17, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Thank you Emerson,
    I will be so happy when this phase is over. 🙂

    SIRENS!!
    So i havent really heard much from the first CD i was telling you all about. He tweets me every couple days just talking about himself, his day and other random stuff, but I am receptive to it nonetheless

    Another one of my CDs keeps asking me to call him. I’m out of the country so all i can do is text until i go back this weekend. But he seems so excited to talk to me. He told me he got me a present while I was away. Im pretty anxious to see it. His words are very affectionate. I really feel the whole waterwheel thing is so much easier to imagine with him because i dont really have to imagine it so much lol.

    I was just thinking about it, and its like every time i leave my house, i am a approached by multiple men and add at least one to my dating rotation. This is so cool! All i do is keep in mind what Rori said that circular dating is to be curious about every guy who approaches you but continue to lean back. So i dont offer my number, some ask for it some don’t. Oh well… I love the idea of CDing because i’m not bothered about not hearing from one of them. My social networks, cellphone, everything is going off constantly 🙂 I have no time to obsess over any one of them OR my ex. 😀



  406.  #407Senior Lady Vibe on August 17, 2011 at 8:58 am

    @402: Emerson says:
    “…Sometimes just a little something can make us feel good and give us a wow factor! I love playing with makeup!..”

    Wow! I liked reading that story about the blush. Hmmm. Good idea.
    😀

    xoxo



  407.  #408Violet on August 17, 2011 at 9:20 am

    @ 113: Femininewoman says:
    Violet,

    Church, the AppleStore, Dog Parks, Supermarkets, Horseraces, Theatres, the Gym

    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

    I attend church, related activities, singles functions… same bland men.
    I’ll check out the AppleStore because I really don’t even know what it is.
    Dog Parks: I don’t have a dog. I have a Guinea Pig. I’m sure the dogs would just love that!!!! hahaha
    Supermarkets: Haven’t been approached. I joke around with a few, but nothing further came of it. Horseraces: I don’t gamble.
    Theatres: I’ve NEVER been approached or made a ‘connection’ there.
    The Gym: I don’t go to a Gym. We do have one at work and the pickings are slim, next to none.
    I’ve also tried coffeeshops (until I stopped drinking coffee), libraries, used book stores, the park, posting on Craigslist, being on 3 dating websites.
    I must be about the pickiest Siren on the planet.

    I think going to festiviles would be a good idea because I like them. I’m not the type of person who will go somewhere with the single goal of meeting men. I’ve got to know that it’s something I’d like, first.

    I’m tired of being assertive, even though it’s part of my nature. I’m tired of feeling that I’m putting out all the energy. I don’t like typing this… Maybe I’m not so hot in the looks department. Though, I’ve heard differently. Maybe I have bad breath, am too smart, I’m pretty sure I’m an Alpha Female.

    I’m honest, independent, more tomboyish than feminine (in my eyes), rarely wear makeup, if I do.. it’s very minimal, don’t wear lots of jewelry… I look at myself as be a natural no muss, no fuss type of lady.

    Well… Just as I was typing this, I had a sense that I will have an opportunity to be in circumstances where I WILL get approached. My gut instinct is pretty well on the mark when this happens.

    I’m not going to wonder if this is my imagination, or something created out of desire to meet ‘the one’.

    I have a philosophy. I believe that attitude is about half the battle in any circumstances. I put it in my mind that something positive WILL happen.

    This, alone, creates the belief that it will happen. It doesn’t neccessarily need to happen on a grand scale.

    I consider one small inkling of going the right direction as success towards acheiving an ultimate goal. So… Instead of thinking it won’t happen (whatever it is). I create a psychological belief that it is happening.

    The subconscienious records that, the attitude changes accordingly, and the vibe goes right along with it. Men are attracted to women with a certain ‘vibe’. I’m pretty confident these women are Sirens, in and of their own right.

    So, now. The first step is put into place. That of believing something monumental (for me) will happen. That could be the most insigificant thing to another person. For me, it would be confirmation of belief becoming reality.

    I’ll keep you posted,

    ~ Violet ~

    P.S. It almost sounds like I’m performing a scientific experiment. In a way, it is. It’s using Rori’s tools to mesh with my personality. There is no fear of losing my identity in using these tools. They are tools, pure and simple.

    You all take it easy and stay cool!!! 😀



  408.  #409Starla on August 17, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Hi, can I please get some scripting feedback?

    Here’s the deal: I put up on my facebook wall that I wanted to go see this great concert saturday night and that I would pinch pennies from other things (namely my fictitious heroin habit) for the superduper expensive tickets. Then I asked if anyone else was interested in dropping the cash to join me (the tickets are about 100 bucks).

    So New Guy texted me this morning saying he was thinking that if I still had no one to go with me, he would gladly join me.

    But I don’t want to go dutch on dates, especially so soon in a courtship… or have him tag along to my plans in this way. I just want him to ask me out, and I want to look pretty and show up. End of story. Here is my reply I’ve crafted. I like the first two sentences but the one about feeling more relaxed feels…i dunno.. It’s the truth, but maybe a little tweaking is in order:

    “Aw, it feels lovely that you thought of me, thank you! And I don’t want to do the whole stag or dutch thing on dates. I feel much more relaxed going to places with men when/where I am not worrying about money. What do you think?”



  409.  #410Aphroditestar on August 17, 2011 at 9:54 am

    I have got to share this lol, I think I have made progress.. I’ll just give brief description. So he does’nt call me for 2 days and when he did he said he had his children and only pays attention to them when they are their( they are 18 months and 2&1/2), then he went on to say he thinks we moved too fast and isn’t ready to bring someone into the picture, and that he was sorry he really feels like we have a connection but asked if we could still talk!! ( I know right ).. So I said ” I appreciate you talking with me about this and respect how you feel and I feel like we connected to but they’re a few things I would not accept, so maybe thats for the best. 1.I would not feel to good if you ignored me everytime you had your kids. 2. I am looking for someone on the same emotional page as myself. 3. I want who im with to feel im adding to their life, not taking away from it. 4. To answer can we still talk, I really feel like I would become too emotionally involved,and setting myself up to be hurt.. He said “fair enough”……Next day he calls and says he having regrets, says ” He is having a battle with his heart vs Head” and that hes going agaisnt the Universe by fighting what he feels…..As of now he is back to before all this ,hes calling and acting normal again…… So Heart 1, Head 0…lol, im just so proud of myself 🙂



  410.  #411Starla on August 17, 2011 at 9:59 am

    “…I feel so much better and more relaxed when a man takes me to do things where i won’t have to worry about that.”

    i’m looking to avoid the word “money” if it’s plausible lol

    i hate that word.



  411.  #412Starla on August 17, 2011 at 10:12 am

    “Aw, it feels lovely that you thought of me, thank you! And I don’t want to do the whole stag or dutch thing on dates. I feel so much better and more relaxed when a man takes me to do things where i won’t have to worry about that. What do you think?”



  412.  #413Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I dunno Starla…honestly, given the situation, I would probably just go with him and have fun and see if he steps up and treats me well in other ways.



  413.  #414Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Are you feeling concerned that it will set up a weird dynamic between the two of you if you pay for your ticket?



  414.  #415Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 10:21 am

    Starla I did not get the impression that he invited you anywhere so it seems odd to me that you are mentioning dates. According to your post he said “if you had no one” to go with you he would. Maybe that is what you should be responding to, whether you have someone specific in mind or you are waiting for a resonse from someone else. Or simply thank him for the offer but you have not made up your mind as yet if you are going. Did you put the update with the hope he would offer to pay?



  415.  #416Starla on August 17, 2011 at 10:23 am

    yes, LG, i am concerned. I have been very busy so the last 3 times we saw each other it was just us sitting around at my house.

    i want dates. and if i’m not on a date, i want to be able to go to the bar and buy myself a drink and not worry about if i should buy him one, or if i should wait for him to offer, or what if i get hungry?, etc.

    we’re a new thing, me and him, so i’m not quite ready to have to fuss over all these things. it just feels stressful. plus he tol dme last week he was broke as a joke and had to borrow money from his roommate’s mom because his roommate can’t pay him back what he loaned him (we were exchanging roommate horror stories lol). would rather just have him ask me out to the zoo or something:)



  416.  #417Starla on August 17, 2011 at 10:25 am

    416, no, i was not hoping he would pay..i didn’t think he would even notice.



  417.  #418Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 10:27 am

    On second thought Starla it seems he is trying to be a man and “fix” things. RE 417 it seems he is not in a place to spend on dates. Maybe thinking of a way to share your feelings about inexpensive dates such as sitting on the beach or in the park might help.



  418.  #419Starla on August 17, 2011 at 10:28 am

    416, given what you said, maybe the FM i am looking for here is

    “i haven’t firmed up anyone to go with, so thank you for offering, but i would feel better spending time with you on real, true blue dates.”

    something like that. i try not to use the ‘uncomfortable’ word though.



  419.  #420Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 10:32 am

    Starla maybe say you feel flattered by his offer but don’t want to put any pressure on him. I also sense that you want some space to do things on your own, maybe with some friends/girlfriends in your life. If that is the case I would say it.



  420.  #421Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 10:35 am

    I also believe LG is right in 414 so maybe wait to see what he comes up with or offer might be the way to go. Except I believe you have a concern about him assuming that he can always “tag” along.



  421.  #422Starla on August 17, 2011 at 10:41 am

    he absolutely means well, but he assumed he was tagging along to an art gallery thing i RSVP’d to on facebook too, because my friend who is throwing it, with all her shameless self promotion, sent him an invite. She sent them to everyone ever, friends of friends, etc…

    so i had to tell him i wasn’t too into that. lol. he took it very well.

    he is really just trying to be there for me so i don’t go alone, and spend time with me since my saturday night is obviously booked by the concert now.

    the idea of saying yes to him coming along and seeing what he does sounds so stressful to me. all that worrying about money in the presence of a man that is by no means just a friend. it just feels so not right to me.

    i guess if we discussed it, and he said he would just pay for us, or if he said “well if you get your ticket, i’ll take care of everything else,” i would feel much more ocmfortable.

    and then there’s the whole thing of this being kind of a fancy orchestra concert, and i would have to tell this metalhead to wear something nice…and that’s why i don’t like making the plans or having them tag along with mine, because i have to tell them what to do and direct them…and if he was just inviting me to something he thought of, he would know the dress code and all the details



  422.  #423Starla on August 17, 2011 at 11:07 am

    “aw it feels lovely that you thought of me like this…but i feel better with you as my date and not my stag/dutch buddy:)”



  423.  #424Starla on August 17, 2011 at 11:44 am

    hehehe i’ve hit refresh on this page probably 100 times looking for more feedback. Calm down, Starla! hehehe



  424.  #425AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 11:49 am

    I am trying to fugure out Starla what is the reason that you don’t want him to go?



  425.  #426Starla on August 17, 2011 at 11:56 am

    426 – because we would be going dutch to plans *i* made



  426.  #427Starla on August 17, 2011 at 11:57 am

    doesn’t feel really romantic or date-y. For sure not what I want with this guy. He is definitely romantically interested in me. I know he is just trying to spend as much time with me as possible an dhelp me out so I don’t have to go alone…
    but I would rather go alone than demote myself from princess, thanks:) hehehe



  427.  #428Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Also a lot of guys don’t like to dress up. I like 424. It sounds like your personality.



  428.  #429Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    RE 425 Yeah I wonder where everyone else is?



  429.  #430AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    #424 would be the most honest way to go about it I think and still get your message across.



  430.  #431Tmizz on August 17, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    DE:

    I was reading this thread last night, and I wanted to chime in a little bit on your guy’s request for you to call him. I know a lot of people have given you feedback, so I don’t know where you are on this now, but I had a couple of thoughts.

    First, of all, your text convo with him sounded great. You were open, listening, not blaming.

    And I get that, yes, it is always better for the guy to call. And he should DEFinitely be the first one to call. But….he wasn’t asking you to make all the moves. He said:

    “okay and i would like for u to just call me a little too”

    This sounds like a very clear and direct request. He is going out on a limb, being vulnerable, and asking for what he needs. so maybe he is being “a girl.” But maybe not. Maybe he asking you this as a guy. Guys need attention, too. Guys need to be loved. At the very least, guys need to know that the woman they are with is attracted to them. This, it sounds like, is what he is asking for.

    Not that you call him 24/7. Not that you pursue him and ask him out and pay for dates. “Call me just a little, too.”

    So, maybe for every 9 times he calls you, you could call him once. It sounds like that’s all the assurance he needs.

    If that sounds too needy to you, then don’t do it. But his writing didn’t give me a needy vibe. More of a secure vibe that says he’s okay with asking for this, and not afraid of your judgment. And by refusing his request, you may end up alienating him.

    Rori’s tools serve a purpose, but twisting ourselves into knots and becoming rigid in order to adhere to them is, I think, antithetical to what she is trying to teach us. to get to your answer you’d have to go back into yourself. Check in with your body. How do you feel? How would it feel to call him once in a while? If you want to, and that’s okay with you, then – great! Maybe you guys will have a great relationship. and if not, if it really feels icky, then maybe this relationship is just a mis-match (and it seems to me that’s what he’s telling you, short of actually giving an ultimatum). The trick is to be authentic. but you’re not being “authentic” if your sticking to rules. Those aren’t the same as having boundaries.

    I was thinking back to my relationship I had a couple of years ago, which was quite siren-y, now that I think about it, but all of it was just me acting on instinct. It worked, and I attracted him, because I was being real, not fake. I wasn’t making up rules and demanding that he abide by them. I was simply sticking to my boundaries, and I was happy in my life, so he didn’t have to do that for me. …But, basically, I was thinking back to the beginning of this relationship, when I met him (well, re-met – we had been acquaintances in college) at a friend’s holiday party. I gave him my card, and he emailed me a couple of days later, including his phone number in the email.

    I didn’t even think twice before I called him. I simply did what my gut was telling me to do. And I wasn’t “pursuing” him by calling him, either. In fact, it was good that I did, because it opened the door for him to ask me out. It was a “casual” drinks date, which turned into dinner, with him paying. And I never asked what it was, whether it was date or not, or where things were going. I just let things happen as they happened.

    The relationship progressed quickly, and he proposed to me on our six-month anniversary. (We broke up 3 months later, but that’s a whole other story)

    So, basically, my point is, forget “rules” for a minute (Christian Carter has more to say about this). The rules are there for a reason. But the real rule is to be authentic and stay true to yourself – and also, sometimes I think it’s good to do what’s best for the Relationship – even if it’s not necessarily what you think you want to do. because ultimately, we want to be with someone else, not just with ourselves. (This is probably my biggest challenge right now.)

    Ok, I hope that was helpful. I thought I would just offer a different perspective, based on the feelings I was getting while reading your post.:)



  431.  #432Daria on August 17, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    starla – hmm

    “oh, thank you i feel so good that you want to be there for me… and this feels so weird to say… i feel like im a bit of a control freak about money and dating (got that from Love Scripts)… and i don’t feel good for me to pay when im out with a guy i like… i dont need us to go to fancy dates, but i wouldnt feel comfortable paying for myself out with you… what do you think?”



  432.  #433Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Re: 432

    I 100% agree with every word 🙂



  433.  #434Daria on August 17, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    KS – actually i think that would be the Rori way in many respects… Rori usually recommends us treating out sons the way we would a man… and asking/allowing them to help us

    also, i don’t think the man’s response was all That bad… what was he supposed to say… he was being challenged

    im not sure quite what the issue was on your side with him…

    but he will probably be back

    if u wanted him to “fight it” it sounds like you don’t really want him gone – theres a lot of judging of this man going on – that shows me theres a lot of anger you can express here

    on the blog

    or even to him

    “i feel angry, i feel furious” is the way to go – “he never will he never did” does not help you heal and keeps you stuck to him through the unexpressed anger



  434.  #435Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Starla: I feel best about #424 too.

    Also, what Tmizz says above applies to this situation as well IMHO.

    I feel compassion for men because in the same way we are learning to be in our femininity, they struggle as well due to conditioning and lack of role models.

    For me, as long as the general energy of the relationship feels good, I feel best when I allow for some flexibility in the “rules”.

    I wonder if you could find a way to allow him to come in and “save” you in a way that feels good to you?



  435.  #436Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    Hi KS! That’s awesome that you didn’t chase or spew on him this time!!!

    I agree with Daria and I would also say maybe look at this belief “he reappears in my life just to see if the door is still open to boost his ego.”

    It seems like a prime one to do The Work on.

    I mean, you obviously don’t know for sure if it’s true because you’re not in his head.

    And that though is probably a big source of the anger you are feeling….which is a big indicator that it’s a thought that isn’t serving you.

    What if you were to step into a space of curiosity and authenticity and say something like

    “I feel so angry because I’m telling myself that the you reappear in my life just to see if the door is still open to boost your ego. I feel so livid when I think that. Yet I don’t want to make assumptions about people anymore so I’ll just ask you…is this what’s going on?”

    How would you feel saying something like that?



  436.  #437LobbyStar on August 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    437:

    A few months back (pre-RR) and a man ended things with me, I had a lot of anger and hurt. I wrote him a letter and said whatever I wanted, however I wanted, as blamey as I wanted. Then I basically converted it to all FMs, and I think it turned out really well. I never sent it, but I read it to myself over and over again, imagined myself saying all of it to him. It really helped me to move on.



  437.  #438Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    RE 432 Tmizz says “Rori’s tools serve a purpose, but twisting ourselves into knots and becoming rigid in order to adhere to them is, I think, antithetical to what she is trying to teach us. to get to your answer you’d have to go back into yourself. Check in with your body.”

    Very good assessment Tmizz. That is what I believe too.



  438.  #439Starla on August 17, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    “aw it feels lovely that you want to be there for me, thank you…but i feel better with you as my date and not my stag/dutch buddy:)”

    there. that is it.

    should i ask him what he thinks?



  439.  #440Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Rereading my FM in #439, I feel concerned that it could still cause defensiveness so I would maybe soften it even more.

    “I feel so scared that I am going to get my hopes up and then feel let down if we have contact. I don’t want to feel heartbroken again. What do you think?”



  440.  #441Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Starla I feel proud of your son stepping into his manhood to protect the woman in his life. I believe toxic man is a lesson that might keep recurring until you learn it. Go back into yourself to see what he returned to help you heal. As Rori said if you respond in the same way it is an indication that nothing has changed within you. I believe this latest episode is showing that things are “changing”. It might not be ideal as yet but it is a work in progress. You will get there. Pat yourself on the back for your latest inner strength.



  441.  #442Starla on August 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    444 i think you’re probably addressing someone else?



  442.  #443Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    “aw it feels lovely that you want to be there for me, thank you…yet I feel concerned that if we start doing stag/Dutch dates, we’ll fall into the friend zone. It would feel so much better to have romantic dates with you”

    I’m just playing around. That doesn’t feel quite right either.

    When I read what you wrote though, I feel a little concerned that he might take it as you asking him out. I just noticed that this second time around.



  443.  #444Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Looking at 443 Starla I would say I feel taken care of and safe, I don’t want to feel like a dutch buddy or stag. What do you think?

    aw I feel cherished that you thought of me like this…but i dont want to feel like a stag/dutch buddy:)”

    What do you think?



  444.  #445Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Starla: what about…

    ““aw it feels lovely that you want to be there for me, thank you :-). I do have one concern…”

    and then give him a chance to respond. He’ll probably ask what your concern is…

    “i feel better with you as my date and not my stag/dutch buddy. I feel concerned that if we start out this way, we won’t have real dates and one of my big dreams is going on romantic dates with my lover”

    haha! I’m sure you could tweak that!



  445.  #446Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    RE 448 Love it LG.



  446.  #447Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Ooooh cherished…yes, that feels yummy



  447.  #448Femininewoman on August 17, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    444 Was meant for KS



  448.  #449Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    HI FW! 🙂



  449.  #450Starla on August 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    I think I made this all so much more complicated on myself than it needs to be. my first message probably would have been fine. but since i’m practicing and tweaking, might as well do it the best i can:)



  450.  #451Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Starla, I think it’s important though to know that you are a princess at all times…regardless of if a man is taking you out on fancy dates or just hanging out at your house.

    I feel more impressed when a man does little things throughout our everyday lives that shows that he thinks I am a princess vs big displays…because in the long run I want someone who I can spend my life with…and everyday life isn’t always glamorous.

    Some everyday ways that my beloved treat me like a queen…

    Makes me tea every morning and often other meals throughout the day

    Gets out to open the gate at our friend’s house even he is driving the car and it would make much more sense for me to jump out and do it

    Carrying my bags in when I come home from doing errands.

    Treating me like I am a queen when I stop by his office

    respecting my energy, ie giving me mental and energetic space when I need it

    protecting me when I feel scared

    and I am remembering you ex and how he made big displays on Valentine’s but didn’t treat you very well on the day to day things…it sounds like.

    What do you think about all that? I’m needing a little feedback to know if any of this is helpful?



  451.  #452Starla on August 17, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    LG, I love what you posted. And I have no doubts about whether the new guy is capable of that. He treats me in such a way that lets me know I am so important to him, but with this awesome space that is nothing like him withholding…it’s almost like by giving me space he is GIVING me even more.

    I’m just not cool with the awkwardness and discomfort i will feel around the money and who made the plans, so soon.

    if we had been out more than 3 times and hung out 3 times on top of that, i would feel differently.



  452.  #453Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    I agree, your first message would have been fine. He obviously likes you for who you are already.

    It sure feels fun though to play around and tweak things though…for me at least 😉



  453.  #454Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Starla:

    “I’m just not cool with the awkwardness and discomfort i will feel around the money and who made the plans, so soon.”

    I wonder…do you think that you could find a way to dispel and at least accept those feelings of awkwardness and discomfort within yourself and just go with the flow.

    I’m not wanting to push you to go or not but I do know that when I do something that I want to do even though I may feels some form of fear around it initially, I end up feeling so proud of myself for not letting my fear stop me…know what I mean?

    I just have to be aware of when it’s my intuition telling me I shouldn’t do something vs fear holding me back from doing something that deep down I really want to do.



  454.  #455Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    KS – the way to express it is “i feel angry”

    “i feel furious” ” i feel bad” … keep it about your feelings and not about HIM



  455.  #456Starla on August 17, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    LG, I don’t see that happening just yet:) hehe



  456.  #457Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    KS – i would love to help you if you want.. do you have Skype? i can talk to u on there!

    we can do some practice convos…

    email me at magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com
    if u want to get in contact with me



  457.  #458Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    i really like the short way FW put it:

    “aw I feel cherished that you thought of me like this…but i dont want to feel like a stag/dutch buddy:)”



  458.  #459alias girl on August 17, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    #406 SVL

    yes. and i didn’t even say anything like that.

    it’s almost like a willful cluelessness men exhibit because they want what they want in the easiest way possible. (WHO DOESN’T?)

    but that is the really cool thing about men also. they are in touch with their “selfishness” and the most efficient ways to get what they want.

    i admire that. and i can work with that.

    thank god for men and their commitment to their “selfishness”. i love “self” centered people. much more than co-dependents.

    as long as there is also co creation between us. and that’s where My commitment to My “selfishness” (happiness) comes in. I need to be as commited so we can both come together and work out what works for both of us.

    but if i just jump off my bridge to accomodate him —that has definitely not worked from my experience.

    nor would i want a man to just be a lap dog and do whatever i want.

    the fun is in the mix. in working it out together.

    i feel happy i wrote this. i feel like i healed a little of my anger at men not taking me into consideration without me having to say anything (which would make him a people pleasing mind reader. ew.)

    i feel unsure if this is making sense but it is really clicking in my brain for me.



  459.  #460Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    i am feeling dizzy
    its time to do what a secret me wants to do and that is listen to my EFT seminar and tap along

    btw reagarding DE’s conversation, my ideas were more around really leaning back and into our feelings, and making it more clear that calling the man will not work for me

    that has felt good to me in the past and has even gotten me more connected to a guy

    for me it would have been

    “wow… that feels a bit weird… i feel good that you want to talk to me 🙂 and… calling a guy… is not something that works for me… i feel uncomfortable with that … i want to feel pursued … what do you think?”

    something like that… hopefully shorter or in pieces… in a text



  460.  #461Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    i also do do do want my daily life to feel extravagant yes!!

    on top of feeling lovely and relaxed… i want glamour

    i want everyday massages and foot rubs

    i want milk baths with rose petals

    i want amzing romance stuff so that everyday feels like amazing life day

    weeee

    that will rock

    yay me



  461.  #462Daria on August 17, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    feeling all defensive and scared to be ‘different” than others

    i get the impression that by expressing me i am ‘squelching’ them

    i often think i am squelching people and that im not attentive and just kinda bulldoze people

    this is something i was taught about myself

    i love me!

    its not true even if EVERyone thinks so NV

    grrr
    i love you NV and you’re not running me

    i will heal this



  462.  #463Starla on August 17, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Now I am rly second guessing myself, and am scared to say anything. sigh. at least my phone is dead so i have an excuse not to reply yet.



  463.  #464Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Daria: i feel inspired to look at my own beliefs after reading what you wrote and I’m noticing that I feel okay with people having differing opinions than me. In fact, I feel appreciative of those opinions because they often help me to widen my perspective.

    I don’t feel good when I am being made wrong though and I don’t feel good when I am making others wrong. I believe that we can all learn from each other and there are many ways to interpret and use what Rori is teaching.

    I feel a little misunderstood by what I said about life not always being glamourous. Having an always glamourous life isn’t something that I feel compelled to obtain. I feel accepting of things like washing the dishes, and changing diapers, and changing the kitty litter, making a garden. Having a man around to do those kinds of things with me while still treating me like a goddess feels meaningful and more important to me than more fancy dates once a week.

    But if it feels like a limiting belief to you then I fully support you in not doing that.

    To me though, saying that life isn’t always glamourous doesn’t preclude experiencing things like foot massages or rose baths…I’m feeling confused. Is that what you were saying?



  464.  #465Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    Starla: Just follow your gut. These were just sugesstions. Ultimately you know what is best. I’d go with whatever makes you happiest. 🙂



  465.  #466Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    That’s an interesting way to spell suggestions 🙂



  466.  #467Starla on August 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    blaaaahhhhhh!!

    hehehee

    thank you so much everyone for tweaking with me today

    sans crystal meth, of course..:)



  467.  #468Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    I have something fun to share. My beloved and I got this suggestion from a relationship coach video that we watched and it has been working so well.

    When I am expressing my feelings about something instead of trying to fix it or explain why I shouldn’t feel that way, he has started looking into my eyes and saying

    “I love you. I worship you. And I own you forever.”

    and I melt every time.

    It works wonders for diffusing a brewing conflict.

    At first I felt a little weird about the “own you forever” until he explained that it means he honors who I am…not as in he owns me like property.

    …I would feel uncomfortable with that!



  468.  #469luzydel on August 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Since I am using these tools and behaving in a more fem. way i am attracting more masculine, strong, alpha type of men.
    I am usually attracted to men I try to “fix” or men who make me feel strong e.g. the nerds who were once hurt, the guy next door who likes “slutty” type of women and think I am just too “nice” for them, oe the men who need contant reminders of what to do.

    Strong type of men make me feel “weak” or I better say vulnerable? I don’t know, but The are not usually my “type”…



  469.  #470Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    I feel so happy that I have time today to blog!

    It’s been awhile and I have lots stored up. 🙂

    I’m realizing that for me, what Rori teaches is more of an art than a science. When I approach it in a rigid, one size fits all way, I feel my masculine energy dominating. When I approach it in an open, flexible way, I feel more feminine.

    I feel best when I am open.

    I feel really happy right now.
    At first I felt defensive. I perceived myself as being subtly attacked and that felt bad.

    And it feels best to not feed that.

    I don’t have to create that for myself.

    It doesn’t matter if I was or wasn’t, what matters is how I choose to react and I’m choosing to react my believing in me, by believing that I have a right to have my beliefs and opinions regardless of what anyone else thinks. I believe in me. I have an awesome relationship that works for me. I feel more and more in love with him at time passes and that it what matters.

    I love the saying “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”

    I choose to be happy…even if everybody else thinks I am wrong.

    My opinion of myself is all that matters and I love me, I believe in me, and I accept interpretations of things. I don’t feel attached to them because I know my understanding and awareness will change over time as I have more and more experiences in life.

    Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

    I want to be happy!

    I am choosing that for myself right now!!!!



  470.  #471AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    I love that, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” I choose happiness! I like it, who wants to be right if it feels bad. I always have this war with myself of wanting to be right. Admitting one is wrong takes a lot of character and strength. I am working on this one.



  471.  #472Tmizz on August 17, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Yes, I love the “do you want to be right or do you want be happy” also. that really applies to me! lol



  472.  #473Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Ooooo, I just started reading one of Byron Katie’s books and I feel so happy reading the two first paragraphs…

    “The quotations in this book are just reminders. The fact is that you are the wisdom you’ve been seeking. My experience is that we all have equal wisdom, and there is no one with more wisdom than you.

    You can find that wisdom by doing The Work. It’s a way to go inside and tap your wisdom whenever you want. If you think you have a problem, you’re confused. Go inside and know what is true for you: that is the medicine, that is the freedom. It’s the freedom I enjoy.”



  473.  #474Mel on August 17, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    CD#3 is scheduled for Saturday. This is 2-hour chat guy. He messaged me earlier this afternoon and asked me out. He chose a “walk and talk” by the river. How sweet!

    CD #4 is asking for a date next week… I’m not too sure about him. A man of few words. I’m a talker.

    Bee sting coffee guy has also been sending short little texts… no future plans, but he’s maintaining contact.

    The only one that has fallen off the radar is CD #1 who was very flirty and sweet before we met… then the weird text thing… now nothing. Oh well!

    This is getting interesting. 😀



  474.  #475Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    More Byron Katie

    “when I walk into a room, I know that everyone in it loves me. I just don’t expect them to realize it yet.”

    “the only possibility of being understood by someone else is to understand yourself. It’s a full-time job. So if you inquire and come to see that what is is what you want, it’s the end of any decisions about him. At that point you don’t have to male any decision. There’s no decision to torture him into understanding you. He continues to show you that his understanding is not your business.”



  475.  #476Jade on August 17, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Sirens, I can’t believe my luck! My ex just called me and we’re back together! He told me he loved me, that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me! I am beyond happy! I’m floating, shaking, melting! 🙂

    I have to admit that I sent him a long letter last week, explaining how, amongst other things, at our age and in our situation, we had been lucky to find each other, even though we are both different (yet similar) and that we had to give this a REAL chance.

    I have been so miserable lately, this seems like a miracle to me. I felt like I was missing a limb. I wish everyone could experience that. Being heartbroken has got to be one of the most excrutiating things in the world (after losing a limb, that is) and I don’t want to feel that ever again. I will do everything in my power not to let this man go, he means the world to me.

    You should see me now, I have a smile stretched from ear to ear! 🙂



  476.  #477RiverGirl on August 17, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    476: Laughing goddess says:
    Ooooo, I just started reading one of Byron Katie’s books and I feel so happy reading the two first paragraphs…

    Me too! I’m reading the same book I think.. a collection of her quotes. It’s a cold rainy morning here and I just got up to make a cup of coffee and check mail emails before I head back to bed to read some more (after a brief detour via the blog)!



  477.  #478Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Love this!

    “You’re living with God disguised as your husband, and he will show you all your unclear places. He will show you everything you need in order to get free. That’s love. When you see your partner as God, your Work becomes very simple.”



  478.  #479Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Ya, same book RiverGirl. I’m really enjoying it. 🙂



  479.  #480Jade on August 17, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    #473 – LG, I like the way you think, very relevant.



  480.  #481Laughing goddess on August 17, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Thanks Jade! I feel very happy to hear your news. Congratulations!



  481.  #482Jade on August 17, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Thank you, LG! When he professed his love to me (I was waiting for him to tell me first), I felt like all the pieces of my heart were being glued back together.

    I guess visualization works after all, I don’t feel so dense anymore. Of course, I should’ve known, since it worked for me a long time ago. But one never quite believes it before it actually happens for real, at least that’s the case for me.



  482.  #483Ice Princess on August 17, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Help, am I going the right thing? A few days ago you all told me that I may be giving LP all the power which after much reflection I totally agree with. Today I stopped playing an online game as frequently as I used to with him. I feel like he may think that his minimum (this online game, a call every couple of days, last minute plans on the weekend) is enough and I don’t want to accept that anymore. Besides CDing because honestly I don’t have enough time or have any way to meet other decent people for that matter, what should I do to up my degree of difficulty with LP? I just ignored his phone call and I feel sort of bad about it because I really did want to talk with him.



  483.  #484Jade on August 17, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    #467 – LG, I don’t want to speak for Daria, but I think our Daria has high hopes about her future, which is not so bad in itself. 😉

    In any case, it’s nice to dream. I like the way Daria thinks, I kind of see things the same way she does.



  484.  #485AmazingMe on August 17, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    Ok so just watched this new show on FOX called Mobbed, my heart melted! I am an emotional sap!



  485.  #486DE on August 17, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Tmizz #432:

    I loved your feedback 🙂 Thank you so much…

    U said : ‘Rori’s tools serve a purpose, but twisting ourselves into knots and becoming rigid in order to adhere to them is, I think, antithetical to what she is trying to teach us. to get to your answer you’d have to go back into yourself. ”

    I so agree…we each need to find our own authentic signature in life 🙂

    Yes, i love that u brought up the fact that men are just as we are…more often than not …without a good role male model in their life….and we, women, sure didn’t make their life any better…

    I care about that…since I raise a son…:(

    I felt more accepting of myself for trying to understand him…a bit…although, at first i judged myself for trying to “work” with him on a “middle” ground…

    I also love Daria’s approach of using at all times FMs…and she indeed has mastered the talent of “being”…

    I had a lot of reflection over this …being vs