We Have To Choose

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Sometimes all we have are what seem to be bad choices. And still…we have to choose.

We have to choose between many men or one man. Between this man or that man. Between having children and freedom from responsibility. Between commitment or half-way-there. We can either fly or walk. Walk or crawl.

Face a man toe-to-toe, or throw ourselves on the ground, our arms clinging to his ankles, begging him to drag us along.

We choose every moment between telling the truth or telling a lie. And we make that choice within ourselves nearly every moment.

We make a choice to stress and tension to contain our emotions, or to sinking in, softness, and feeling our emotions.

We either stand tall on our own side, following our instincts and intuitions as best we can, or we look for and listen to other people tell us what to do.

We can embrace, love, and enjoy the power of our inner Stranger, or we can shove her aside and try to live “good.”

We can honor every human being, even a man who doesn’t want what we want, or doesn’t want to do what we want – or we can rail at him and the universe for the “injustice” of it all.

We can love everything that IS, everything that happens, or we can fear and hate it.

We can make every choice every moment, and never run out of choices.

We can blame ourselves and anyone else for the choices that don’t turn out the way we’d like, or we can accept and love ourselves and anyone else anyway.

Nearly anything feels better than despair.

Rage can be helpful if you love it, feel it, hear it, and don’t do whatever it SAYS to do!

Hope can feel good, or it can trigger our universal belief that we don’t DESERVE good things, and so make us feel worse.

But we can CHOOSE, every moment, to NOT buy into our universal mantra of “I’m not good enough, I’m not good period, I don’t deserve this, everyone and everything else is working against me….”

We can CHOOSE, every moment, to look around us and see that we’re alive, or we can retreat into our heads and cut ourselves off from life.

We can choose to see life as our lover, our friend, our biggest champion – or we can choose to see life as our enemy.

We can even choose to see life as neutral toward us, and so we reassure ourselves that living is just sort of being “neutral” to everything WE see and experience.

Let me know what you’re choosing between…every moment – the big things, the little things, all of it.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Choices, choices

  2.  #2Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 7:02 am

    We can choose to see life as our lover, our friend, our biggest champion – or we can choose to see life as our enemy.

    We can even choose to see life as neutral toward us, and so we reassure ourselves that living is just sort of being “neutral” to everything WE see and experience.

    I feel resonance with these two.

  3.  #3luzydel on October 8, 2012 at 7:03 am

    I have been telling to myself; I do what I want… it feels good to do what I want; I don’t like imposed rules. Who says I have to do things a certain way. What about doing what feels good?

  4.  #4luzydel on October 8, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I am Looking for this in the men I encounter when I am dating myself…

    Serendipity means a “happy accident” or “pleasant surprise”; specifically, the accident of finding something good or useful while not specifically searching for it.

  5.  #5Goddess Lily on October 8, 2012 at 7:11 am

    I’m just now starting to really get the concept of choices.

  6.  #6Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Try: “Oh, I felt so overwhelmed with all the paperwork,” or “It felt like it flew by, I felt so caught up in how fast the sales were flashing across my screen,” or “I feel so great being home, all curled up on this chair with the kitty in my lap. Oh, she feels so soft. I can feel her purr.” (Notice more feeling messages.)

    With your consciousness in your body, your feelings, your heart – and out of your head, business, facts and logic – your intuition will now kick in. You’ll be able to sense when the conversation runs out of steam.

    You’ll be able to tell when he’s had enough phone time. (Though, if you share your feelings in this “Goodnight Talk” style, he might just suggest he jump in the car and come over just then.)

    You’ll be able to say “I feel so relaxed. I feel like I could just drift off here with the cat,” and he’ll say “Sweet dreams” instead of “Well, I’ve got to go now.”

    Creating Deeper And Deeper Attraction In Him

    The Goodnight Talk is an example of how to talk from your feeling state.

  7.  #7Radlove on October 8, 2012 at 7:28 am

    One of my issues is when I get upset, be it sadness, anger, or pain, it often takes hours for me to process those negative feelings, before I can function and focus again. I know Rori’s tools, but it just takes me so long.

    For example, I woke up to an email this morning that angered me. It has been 1.5 hours, and I am still fuming, even tho I have already thoughtfully responded with feeling messages. Any ideas on how to make the process speed up so I don’t waste so much time feeling angry, sad, or hurt?

  8.  #8Starla on October 8, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Hey Ladies, I wanted to update you about WarriorCD and his texting me when I said to him I didn’t want to text but it would feel great to hear his voice. I think it’s really important that I share this with you. I know it’s long and there are probably too many details, but the moral of the story is worth it. So hang in there;)

    As you know, I let him know last Monday that I didn’t want to text anymore but that it would feel great to hear his voice any time. I didn’t hear from him until Thursday, when he texted to see if I wanted to go to the gallery openings the next day. I ignored the messages, and then later that night he texted to see how I was doing and then some silly stuff about winning 2 tickets for a cruise (not sure what THAT was about, lol… i think he was having a man drama moment). I continued to ignore the texts.

    The next day he texted me late in the day “well I guess let me know if you still want to hang out this weekend.”

    I continued to ignore. Some of you ladies had said to me that he wouldn’t “get it” if I ignored him. That he didn’t realize (despite me telling him directly) that I just didn’t want to text, and that he will take it personally if I leave him hanging. I felt too bored and turned off to really try to navigate this one, so I just kept on ignoring the texts.

    Then on Saturday evening, he called while I was napping. He left a message, saying “hey hope you’re okay, I haven’t heard from you all week… and I wanted to see if you wanted to go to breakfast with me and my friends tomorrow, call me back if you do.”

    Then he called again a few hours later. I was still sleeping.

    Then he texted that his calling was an accident the second time (yeah right… you’re just having a mandrama moment, teehee.)

    So finally the next morning, I called him back. I didn’t act angry that he had been texting all this time, or that because he didn’t call as I had asked, we never went out on Friday night like we had halfway already planned. I put a big smile on my face knowing that I stuck to my boundaries and value, and politely turned down his last minute breakfast invitation. He asked if I would want to go to dinner later. I said I might and to call me later and we’ll figure it out. He was with his friends so I let him go.

    Well, he didn’t call until 6. I was headed out the door to take myself to dinner. I told him so (with a smile on my face) and he seemed so disappointed.

    Then he said, “so you’re really serious about the no texting thing…”


    I said, “yeah… ohh and it feels so nice to hear your voice:)”

    he said “texting is such a great form of communication!”

    I said “ohhh it just feels so boring and disconnected to me… i feel really uninterested in it right now.”

    he said “so you’re gonna make me wait another day to see you?”


    and then he said, “you never call me!”


    then he said “well if you still want to get sushi tomorrow, you call ME”

    I said, “ohh i totally want to get sushi with you… it would feel better to just firm up plans right now… what do you think?”

    and plans were made.

    The moral of the story is that even though I felt mortified he would just poof, that he would think I’m crazy for not answering texts and not calling him first, or that he would forget my request, A MAN DOES KNOW BETTER. HE KNOWS HE SHOULD BE CALLING YOU. HE KNOWS HE SHOULD BE MAKING THE PLANS IF HE WANTS TO SEE YOU.

    So, sirens, don’t be scared to carry yourself and approach dating as if you’re worth the very best. you’re worth phone calls and firm plans. you’re worth real connection and hearing his voice on the phone. you’re worth a proper greeting and a proper goodbye, with a standing hug and a kiss after safely being seen to your door.

    Say once or twice that you want these things if you have to. And if he treats you like you don’t deserve it, plays dumb repeatedly and ‘forgets’ or he disappears, MOVE ON.

  9.  #9Starla on October 8, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Warrior does give me some guff for my requests. He acts like a a bit of a bratty child, to be honest… he is trying to negotiate these things and make it kind of ‘suck’ for me when he gives in. For example, yesterday when he called me, he was preoccupied with something. I have a feeling he did this on purpose. It’s a cute game, lol rolling my eyes, but in the future, I will say “ohh hey you seem distracted, and I don’t wanna compete for your attention so I will feel happy to talk to you when you’re not so busy:)”.

    Or when he dropped me off at my door and gave me a hug, he ended up resting heavily/uncomfortably on me because he was “sooo tired” (too tired to even walk me to my door, is the point he was trying to make.).

    So he’s a bit childish in this way. And I will either keep using rori raye style messages to communicate my needs, or I will get irritated and turned off and decide that he is not at all for me, even as a CD.

    The other thing I don’t like is the way he just sits there and makes an entitled kissy face to kiss him.

    It might be ‘cute’ on some guys, but the thing is, he is an alpha male, and i think he’s very used to women doing a lot of the work for him.

  10.  #10Tam on October 8, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Reading this article feels good. Reminds me not to despair over things/people…but sink into my feelings.
    Right now I feel dread over having to deal with another financial problem.

  11.  #11Tam on October 8, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Interesting about the testing of boundaries Starla…they do try to. Inspires me to stick to mine!!

  12.  #12Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Tam share that need on FB is what I would do and see how many of the men you are friends with offer to help.

  13.  #13Goddess Lily on October 8, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Yay Starla! I feel renewed by your story.

  14.  #14Tam on October 8, 2012 at 8:00 am

    12 FW – genius 🙂

  15.  #15Tam on October 8, 2012 at 8:17 am

    I am manifesting a knight in shining amour…who will take this damsel in distress away from all the nasty things, like Condo’s leaking and strange men napping in her bed….and treat her like a queen.
    That’s what will happen.
    And if not, I will live also.

  16.  #16Tam on October 8, 2012 at 8:18 am

    ..ok, at least a nice man for dinner maybe. Lowering my expectations now 😉

  17.  #17Calypso on October 8, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I’m back from my quick trip to the beach with JC. We really only had 1 full day there, but it was a wonderful day – 85 degrees and we swam in the ocean and ate oysters and crab legs and had a lot of fun.

    Something still isn’t quite right within me, tho . . . I’m trying not to analyze it too much or push myself to understand everything right now – I know it is a process. I still miss GM and being there at the exact same place I went with him a few months ago did not help. I even got a text message from GM while I was there with JC – he saw on FB that I was there and could not resist bothering me. It was no big deal – the thing that is bothering me is how I feel when I’m with JC – sort of harassed. he picks at me constantly in a way that he finds fun, but I find tiring. I don’t even feel like giving examples right now – I’m just happy to be home and back at work and not have him in my personal space 24/7. he is fun and tries really hard to please me – we did everything I wanted to do this weekend, but sometimes I just want to RELAX and not have to talk or lsiten or have somone rubbing on me or wanting me to rub on them – a weekend was almost too long :/

  18.  #18Belle on October 8, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Starla I hope that Rori uses this as a post in the future…
    of course they know.

  19.  #19Tam on October 8, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Calypso..hmmmm….give it some more time?
    I know that if I spend time with a man I don’t feel really into, i e ‘want him’ to rub me etc etc, that it just makes me longing for the man I am or was ‘really into’. That is the only trouble I have with CDing. It doesn’t help me ‘get over’ a man at all…but it does help me to practice staying open and practice my dating skills.
    So I hear ya.
    Sometimes it makes me feel more lonely and hopeless and then I spend some time getting in touch with myself and checking in with me – do I want to keep doing this? I take time out etc.
    Sounds like you also had lots of fun with the guy though, he might grow on you..

  20.  #20Starla on October 8, 2012 at 8:40 am

    I used FW’s suggestion of posting on my fb something I want, and one of my CDs stepped up within 5 minutes. He had said in passing he would do this before, but i didn’t take it too seriously.

    thanks fw

  21.  #21sunshine on October 8, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Radlove, I feel I can relate for your frustration of the long processed negative emotions. Here’s my theory at least for myself, hopefully it will help. I think that part of the reason is simply the judgement of feeling them. In other words the frustration of both feeling the “bad” feelings, and also the frustration of it taking so long…can be the possible reason for a longer process. Rori says many times to Really Feel your feelings, but atleast for me this is a huge challenge. To Really feel means no judgement, at all. This isnt easy and for me its the hardest with negative feelings. Anyway if you feel like punching a pillow and writing a fake letter (you dont actually have to send it to anyone), including cursing, insulting and whatever, do it. Its hard for me to not feel like a “bad’ or “mean” person, but Im encouraging myself through it, hope it helps.

  22.  #22Stargirl on October 8, 2012 at 8:52 am

    When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

    Mark Twain

  23.  #23Tam on October 8, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Ladies, about my plumbing problem..almost exclusively women have expressed that they are sorry to hear it…hahahaha!! No men stepping up…too funny. The story of my life 😉

  24.  #24Annie on October 8, 2012 at 8:58 am

    1107: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “The advice that these 2 women give me is “quit complaining, accept his way of giving you love and appreciate it, be there in the present moment and really enjoy them.”

    This sounds so much like my experience of Dominique and Rori. They might not say “quit complaining” but that is how my mind translates sharing positive FMs.”

    Yes I agree and feel synchronized that is also my interpretation that Rori and Dominque are saying

    “quit complaining, accept his way of giving you love and appreciate it, be there in the present moment and really enjoy them.”

    but my mind does not translate quit complaining to sharing positive feeling messages.
    That is not my translation.
    My translation is don’t complain and focus on the behavior you don’t like, but connect and focus on yourself and how that makes you feel. And express authentically whatever negative feeling comes up, not making him wrong or responsible for that feeling. And then taking care of our own negative feelings, deciding if it is a deal breaker or not and then taking 100% responsibility for those feelings and choosing the action that is in our best interest to take care of ourselves and get to a better feeling place.

    An example of this for me is when the negative feeling of jealousy and not wanting to share our man with other women, if he wants to give time and attention to other women and that feels bad to us and we feel jealous.
    Rori recommended to not complain or focus, center in on the mans behavior in a situation like this as it does us no good.And is coming from a place of fear about losing him and it gives our power away. But to get our personal power back, express our authentic feeling in the moment, not making him responsible for that feeling, loving and accepting our negative feelings as well as our positive feelings. Putting the focus and center back on us and deciding what we want, what we want to tolerate and if it is a deal breaker or not. Totally accepting that he can do what he likes, live his life however he chooses and then taking care of our own negative feeling and taking 100% responsibility, not blaming him and then doing the loving action for ourselves that is in are best interest.


  25.  #25Calypso on October 8, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Tam – Yes, I will give it more time with JC. he is good to me and we do have fun together and when it is time for us to be apart, he lets me have my space. he even knows he is bugging me while he is doing it. I’m not super attracted to him physically – he is shorter and heavier than I would like, but we are good in bed together and I don’t want to date anyone else (except GM, of course), so there is no reason not to give us time to see if the attraction grows or at least the irritation at having to be with someone all the time – I actually prefer to sleep alone and it bugs me to be “held” while I am trying to sleep. he is forever touching my face and I don’t like that either – I want to snap at him “Get out of my face!!!” – lol, but I don’t.

    GM was so different – he was not into public displays of affection and was not a huge talker either – we could ride in the car and both be perfectly happy being silent. JC wants to talk or he wants me to talk, but he does not listen when I talk anyway and I don’t always feel like talking – ceertainly not early in the morning – it does not mean I’m in a bad mood – i just enjoy the silence. I kept shouting in my head yesterday morning on the 5 hour car ride home, “For the love of God – shut up!!!” . . . not very feminine – lol

    We have another trip planned next month to the mountains. I love traveling and seeing new places and JC wants to do a lot of that with me and he can afford it, so i hope I can figure out a way to relax and enjoy it a little more. I wish it wasn’t so hard . . . it should not be this hard . . .

  26.  #26Tam on October 8, 2012 at 9:05 am

    I am in moderation…oops, feel like a naughty girl now.

  27.  #27Tam on October 8, 2012 at 9:06 am

    ooooh yes, i like shared silence too calypso..

  28.  #28Annie on October 8, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Cont. My interpretation of expressing positive feeling messages and appreciation to me are for authentic moments for when he has done something in the moment that feels good to me.

    But if he is doing something that makes me feel bad to be authentic and express that nf without blaming or making him responsible.
    And certainly not ignoring them and making my negative feelings wrong. But to love all of my feelings negative and positive.
    And accept they are part of who I am. And realize tolerate feeling bad. And I have a choice if I want to be there and accept that or not.

  29.  #29Silver Moonbeam on October 8, 2012 at 9:11 am

    #7 Radlove

    I very very rarely get angry these days, I think what has brought me to this point is reading lots of self help books like Dr Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williams, Byron Katie, Don Miguel Ruiz, Abraham and many many more and watching endless youtubes and DVD’s and listening to CD’s in my car.

    Maybe do a little searching for what resonates with you.

    When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

  30.  #30Dominique on October 8, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Annie – 23 – Yes this is very well said.

    I would like to add though that expressing every negative feeling is not necessarily suggested.

    I find it helpful to sit with the feeling for a bit, see where it’s coming from. Is it really about what he is or isn’t doing or saying, or are you really having something else going on, and this is what triggered you in that moment, eg. you aren’t feeling well, or your boss yelled at you for something you did or didn’t do, etc.

    And then it’s worthwhile to ask yourself if this thing which is bringing up bad feeling feelings worth addressing. Are you maybe projecting some of your own stuff? Is he mirroring something back to you?

    If after this, you still feel sure it’s all about whatever it is he’s doing or not doing, and you still feel bad and want to say something, then do so.

    For me, I may sit on these feelings and questions for days so that I get really clear on what’s REALLY going on with me.

    I often let most things go unless it’s a pattern of behavior or something I feel really strongly about, the latter happened but once. I find it’s almost always something within me and has nothing really to do with him at all.

    Remember bringing things back to you? Something I feel strongly about. It really does come back to you in some way most of the time


  31.  #31MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Radlove 7

    This does not compute in my brain. If my anger clings for hours I let it cling. Write it out, do the dishes, do whatever. Focus the feeling into the task instead of focusing the focus on the feeling…I focus on the feeling in the beginning to sink in and really get to know it, but then I zoom out and retire to simply feeling it. I hope that makes sense. I just feel resistance to “wasting time on anger…” To me it doesn’t register anymore as wasted time. It just is, how I am, in this time that is passing.

  32.  #32MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Starla 8

    😀 😀 😀

    *skips around throwing sparkly confetti in the air*

  33.  #33Imogen on October 8, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Starla, you’re brilliant. And you’re an inspiration. Thank you for sharing. I want to be like you someday!

  34.  #34Starla on October 8, 2012 at 9:28 am

    wow, another CD on the same FB thread is like “i’d love to take you too….”

  35.  #35Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 9:29 am

    YW Starla

    Calypso your comments remind me so much of a couple in my life. The man absolutely adores his wife but she is not touchy feely as he is. I saw her snap at him once in an annoyed but not in a rude way and he knows she is like that. She also has talked to me about being in a way to make sure the marriage works. I guess it is about the love language preference. I would also experiment with talking about my preferences.

  36.  #36Goddess Lily on October 8, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Done with happythankyoumoreplease. Awesome! Onto 27 Dresses. Loving this lazy day!

  37.  #37Starla on October 8, 2012 at 9:29 am

    aw thank you, ladies:)

  38.  #38Goddess Lily on October 8, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Starla, what did you put on fb?

  39.  #39MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 9:35 am


    And now you know. Maybe he is a resistant type person and maybe that feels irritating, but he has just proven he does GET IT! Which, to me, is most important. Even if he grumbles, and drags it out a bit…He gets it and he’s willing. Good start at the very least.

  40.  #40Starla on October 8, 2012 at 9:39 am

    g-lily, i put, “I reaaaally really want to go to a haunted house. If I get to do that and nothing else this Halloween season, I will be happy:)”

  41.  #41Butterfly Wings on October 8, 2012 at 9:39 am

    1107 LiliBee from previous thread – I suppose for these women they’re prepared to “accept” it.

    I am not sure I could accept it if TH went away for the third time without me.

    I am starting to wonder if we’re even meant to be, and I am sick of the drama. I’ve never had this drama before. Ever!

    I feel like putting it all behind me and moving on… 🙁

  42.  #42Starla on October 8, 2012 at 9:43 am

    MissStix 38
    And I think this is where “accepting men as they are” comes in. Can I accept that he is gonna be like this, but that I will ultimately get my way? It’s kind of like all those sit coms I see with the bumbling husband who resists pleasing his wife but ultimately just loves her to pieces and wants to be a hero in her eyes.

    i can accept this, for now. but just for now… maybe i will be able to accept it long term, but i dunno… just feelin it all out.

  43.  #43Tereana on October 8, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Radlove – re #7

    I guess riffing would help. You could write it out (to yourself, that is)

    Or in order to “process” it better, take a break from trying to do anything else and just concentrate on feeling what you are feeling. Pay attention to it. Usually, for me, that helps break it up and lets it dissipate faster. Trying to “run” from it or “make it go away” doesn’t work. Because it usually just fuels the fire. Giving it space to breathe (without juicing yourself up and increasing the feelings) helps start the process of letting it go. Residual thoughts or feelings might still be there, but they won’t affect you as much. At least, that’s how it works for me…

  44.  #44Belle on October 8, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I feel so triggered right now
    my heart is pounding so hard
    I feel like I’m going to need to ask for help and I feel like I might vomit at the thought of it
    The guy who asked for my number last week, K, just showed up in my office a few minutes ago.
    I was caught off guard, and didn’t really register that it was him at first, and I said, “Hey..” as he came in my office. Before I had a chance to say I felt uncomfortable one of the other guys came in to ask for help so I ignored K and walked out.

    I feel sick. I trust my gut that he’s up to no good. I don’t want to be his friend, he is not my friend, and I want him to stop coming into my office.

    I’m considering talking to my supervisor and asking what he thinks
    ugh, tightness in my chest, collarbone, throat constricting
    I feel heat and prickles rising up my face
    I feel like it’s somehow my fault, because I didn’t initially protest and let him hug me
    My heart feels so dark and heavy
    I don’t want to explain myself
    I just want him to stop coming to my office
    I don’t want to hear his problems about his gf and his wife
    I don’t want him to touch me
    Pressure is receding
    (Rules! There are rules about this kind of stuff at work, dammit! *giggles*)

    I feel scared to tell my supervisor because then it will be out of my control and I don’t know what will happen
    I don’t want to feel like I have to face this and handle it all alone, either.
    I feel like I have nowhere to turn here right now, no one to trust, like I’m turning in circles and circles and facing a lot of menacing faces and nowhere to protect my back.

    Does this pattern want to change?
    Hahaha, helllz yeah!
    I feel lighter, now.

    Okay…I can tap on this

    K has been coming into my office and I’ve started feeling very uncomfortable with that. I want him to stop, and I don’t want to seek him out directly to ask him to stop, and I don’t want to have to handle this all alone. What do you think?

    What do y’all think??

  45.  #45Starla on October 8, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I’m not sure EXACTLY why I don’t hold on to negative feelings anymore. They usually pass within 5, 10 minutes, tops. I believe daily exercise (the kind where your heart rate gets elevated and you sweat) as well as omission of all stimulants, along with a very healthy diet, has cured me of my extreme moodiness. Now I’m more even than most anyone I know.

    I started smoking w33d lately again and I noticed it makes me dwell on some negative things if I overdo it, but that’s just me. I know it keeps some people verrrry happy.

    Avoiding alcohol is even more key.

  46.  #46MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Tereana 42

    I like your take! I like to just sit with feelings sometimes toi. But, depending on the reason for the feeling, sometimes I do like to juice it up. Especially with rage feelings and anger. Simply because it feels satisfying. I feel fully cozy with juicing it up, for my own benefit, for a short period of time. But I suppose not physically “lashing out” comes fairly easy to me so it feels safe.

  47.  #47Starla on October 8, 2012 at 9:52 am

    I think you could just tell him

    “hey K… my work place is sacred, sweety… we’ll have to find some other way to connect”

  48.  #48Butterfly Wings on October 8, 2012 at 9:52 am

    It’s almost 3am and I’ve been reading for most of the night, just trying to take my mind of what’s happening with TH.

    I am not planning on “doing” anything about us right now, and he’s leaving on Friday for 3 weeks so there’s no hurry. But I really do feel that although he’s a good guy as my intuition is telling me, he’s just not THE guy for me.

    I just really don’t think I can do this anymore… I am totally over it… 🙁

  49.  #49MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Starla 41

    Very nice. You definitely don’t have to accept it long term if you don’t want…But doesn’t it feel good to be aware 🙂 There are so so so many other aspects of men to be aware of too so keep on keepin on till you find all those aspects you’re aware of mingling nicely in the right man for you!

  50.  #50Belle on October 8, 2012 at 9:57 am

    There is something really scary-feeling in this
    yes, it felt good physically, when he hugged me before and
    no I didn’t really
    “want” it
    My body responds before my mind makes sense of it
    I feel defensive
    I should have been all like, “STOP” as soon as he walked in just then
    but it took a bit for me to process exactly what was happening
    I feel ashamed
    like I did or am doing something wrong and
    am getting someone in trouble or doing something bad to them
    that’s it
    I feel like *I’M* doing something wrong,
    but dammit,
    like Starla said,
    these guys
    what they are doing
    KNOWS he’s not right
    big sigh of relief
    KNOWS he’s up to no good
    and I’m sitting here shaking and feel tears rising like
    *I* am the one in the wrong?
    I’m not saying he’s “wrong”
    but he knows he’s being shysty
    Oh, good, the anger…
    So funny how I have had the habit of turning other people’s shady behavior around on myself and blaming me!!!
    I don’t have to go the opposite direction and blame him, but I can stand up for myself
    Oh, that’s totally a co-dependent pattern of feeling
    gut-wrenchingly horrible
    to stand up for myself.

    Hey, pattern, do you want to change???

    I didn’t do anything wrong
    he knows better

  51.  #51MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 10:04 am


    He has crossed a line for sure…My instinct would be to say “what are you doing here?” but I know, like you, it would not just come out easily.

    Have you envisioned just waiting, and speaking to him personally, later, after you get off work? I wonder how that might feel for you…

  52.  #52LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 10:09 am


    What you resist persists.
    Resisting our feelings is what delays the processing of our feelings and delays the bad feelings from flowing out to make room for a new different one.

  53.  #53LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I finally did it.
    I shared with D about what it felt like for me when he was open and honest with me.

    His response was: A huge long sigh with breaks in it, you know like when we feel overwhelmed with an emotion.
    Then he said: “We have to find a way to be together.”

    Sinking in to how I feel…I just feel peaceful and serene…letting him be…letting him figure it out on his own.
    I didn’t ask how or when or even if, and I didn’t suggest anything.

    Meanwhile sinking into my feelings, looking at what I can accept, what I can’t, what feels good, what doesn’t.
    Looking at how I feel in his presence, how I feel in other men’s presence while I have been practicing letting them get close…

  54.  #54Tam on October 8, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Ah BW, cut yourself some slack..it’s not easy.
    Ultimately, what always makes me feel better about myself is admitting that yes, I miss him and all the stuff we used to do together, the long conversations etc., but you know, it takes two to tango. The fact that I sit here alone now and meet other men just shows that he isn’t there…and I can’t dance the dance alone.
    In some ways that also frees me, because it means there is nothing I can do other than accept that, and do my own thing and find my own happiness. Is it easy? No.
    But there is no alternative. I am not banging on his door. I have nothing to prove, and nothing to ‘fix’.
    It helps me to look at it that way.

  55.  #55Queen Bee on October 8, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I love that I’ve learning to choose me. It’s so refreshing to my soul.

  56.  #56LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 10:36 am



    I keep rereading 1 of Dominique’s posts in my mind where she says something like:
    K is totally free to do what he wants and he knows it…he doesn’t, he feels fine and content just being around with me.

    Brings me back to: Whatever triggers us shows us something to heal.
    She doesn’t have a trigger about it, so it doesn’t show up in her life for her to heal.

    Looking and feeling my way around that and other triggers, I always get down to “I am enough, I am worthy, I don’t need to compete with his buddies, his work, other women…to prove that I am better than, to prove that I am worthy, to prove that I am enough…I have nothing to prove. So having nothing to prove, the buddies and whatever else is taking him away from me no longer feel like a threat. I can just relax and BE.”

    That thought just makes my wall crumble down.

    I can’t do that wall anymore, I just can’t. My wall is all about the drama.
    I can’t do the drama anymore, it has felt way too exhausting.

  57.  #57Daria on October 8, 2012 at 10:41 am

    “We can even choose to see life as neutral toward us, and so we reassure ourselves that living is just sort of being “neutral” to everything WE see and experience.”

    mmf i’ve been seeing life like this and it feels so Solid.



    also i feel worried that it will ‘test’ me with ‘hardships’

    i want to heal this

    i intend to heal this

  58.  #58Tam on October 8, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Lilibee, oh yes:
    ‘I can’t do that wall anymore, I just can’t. My wall is all about the drama.
    I can’t do the drama anymore, it has felt way too exhausting.’

    In fact, I think it used to take all my energy, like an evil leech. Drama. Being inauthentic. I still have the capacity for it but I am trying hard to shift.
    Speaking authentically and feeling is much harder than creating drama and defense…but I am hoping that the energy it takes away from me, will flow back to me in other ways.
    I just can’t do the drama and pushing away and acting out on my insecurities without awareness anymore..and as I get aware of it I feel sick and depleted. I feel exhausted of having done this for years, hid behind a wall in a fantasy life and been angry that nobody wanted to be part of my fantasy life. Time to drop the front. Feels so hard to do but it’s so worth it. Those that I lose through this, I will lose gladly.

  59.  #59Tam on October 8, 2012 at 10:43 am

    moderation again. Sigh, was just a post on your post Lilibee and how much it resonates with me. Drama depletes my energy now.

  60.  #60Daria on October 8, 2012 at 10:43 am

    oh yah about triggers also realizing being beatn in childhood leads to that ‘aquiescing to authority’ thing and also rebelling/sneaking around it and thsu brings those experiences like getting imprisoned hmmm

    i got that ! go D im healing and practicing and life is on my side

  61.  #61Belle on October 8, 2012 at 10:47 am


    I don’t want to connect with him any other way, I’m not trying to be this guy’s friend and he isn’t a CD 🙂

    Miss Stix
    I don’t want there to be an opportunity outside of work! 🙂

    This is a growth edge for me, to not be Ms. Nice Person, I don’t have to be everybody’s friend and turn a blind eye to crappy behavior

    I feel a lot calmer and safer now

    I am shocked that the had the nerve to show up again, but that’s what boundary-busters do
    so no more Ms. Nice co-dependent and I’m allowed to bust his b@lls because he is way out of line and I am not interested being his friend.


    I feel smiley and giggly now

  62.  #62Daria on October 8, 2012 at 10:48 am

    like running away or giving in to being arrested or states of ‘giving up’ when would be much likely to not attract or not ‘give up’ so easily in those situations ;; when totally able physically to protect oneself

  63.  #63Linda on October 8, 2012 at 10:51 am

    This post makes tears well up in my eyes.

    Life is all about choices.I know it. Even the choice we make toward the not so great things in our life.

    I feel failing. I feel frustrated and negative… I am focused on what I want that I dont have.

    It seems like there is so much out of my control. My choices are in my control though. My responses are in my control.

    I feel like crying…I feel impatient

  64.  #64Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Me too LiliBee, me too. The wall, the drama, too exhausting. Too much tension. Too sickening.

  65.  #65Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Yes Linda, thank you. I can feel what I feel and choose.

  66.  #66Tam on October 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

    (((Linda))) oh yes.

  67.  #67MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 11:07 am

    I will get my divorce over and done with by the end of this year. Yes! That feels freeing!

  68.  #68MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 11:10 am

    And, I release the belief that I have to pay for it. Yes. He will pay for it. It is only $200, but this will feel huge and free and I will know how much progress I have made by this happening.

    Now…How to begin? I will finally have to go visit him at his bar.

    I will say “I really need this to happen, and I can’t afford it. I need your help to get this done”

    After all, we both own this. This is not *my* thing.

  69.  #69Starla on October 8, 2012 at 11:26 am

    MissStix, you are inspiring me! I’m asking myself, “what beliefs would I like to release?”

  70.  #70Starla on October 8, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Belle, you really can just tell him to buzz off, lol. i’d do it for you if we were near each other 😀

  71.  #71Heart on October 8, 2012 at 11:31 am


  72.  #72Belle on October 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    I feel grateful for the trigger again and seeing how I’ve been afraid to ask for help as if *I’ve* done something wrong and am going to be in trouble
    because someone else is doing something inappropriate
    goes way back to
    “if you tell someone I’m going to tell that you liked it and everyone will know what a bad girl you are.”
    Tears and sadness rising in my chest
    So confusing
    Knowing something is wrong but something feels good at the same time
    (because that’s what bodies do, they respond)
    Feeling defensive
    stuff to sort out that I won’t do right now,
    too touchy
    sexual abuse stuff

  73.  #73Linda on October 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    I am making a choice to say this… make very clear my boundry AND .


  74.  #74Linda on October 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    I am making a choice to say this… make very clear my boundry AND MY CHOICE..!!



  75.  #75Linda on October 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    I am making a choice to say this… make very clear my boundry AND MY CHOICE..!!



  76.  #76Linda on October 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm


  77.  #77Linda on October 8, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    OOPSEY… guess I really meant that.

    Dont know how I sent that three times!

  78.  #78Tam on October 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Wow Linda, that was clear! 🙂
    I feel also turned off…made a date with a CD today, we were going to meet on the beach (hmmmm), and then the weather turned bad and I said maybe we ought to have a different plan – and after asking what I want to do, and my second email ‘the weather looks bad at 10 am this morning, he never got back to me. Now it is gone 3pm and we were supposed to meet after work. I do not want to sit around for him and I am done with work and want to go for a walk.
    So that’s what I will do.
    Tough luck.

  79.  #79bloom-ing on October 8, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    kimya dawson “same shxt”

    You were looking down at them, they were looking down at you.
    You were starched and pressed, they were all disheveled.
    They were holding hands, they were ragamuffins and
    They said, “I know we’re not fancy, but we’re on the same level.
    We’ve got plans, big plans! We’re gonna change the world.
    All you care about is dollars, that doesn’t make sense.
    All you do is hit snooze, watch the news, buy shoes, drink booze, make money, feel spent.

    Day after day after day, it’s the same shit.
    Day after day after day after day after day.”

    Then you looked at them without batting an eye and said, “Hey little hippie, let your freak flag fly.
    Why don’t you go smoke a bowl in your best tie dye,
    Get a tattoo of a dancing bear holding a peace sign.
    You can talk the talk but when it comes to real change, aren’t you and all your little friends exactly the same?
    You sit around at potlucks pointing fingers, placing blame,
    Drinking kombucha, and eating tempeh.

    Day after day after day, it’s the same shit.
    Day after day after day after day after day.”

    If you are judging them while they are judging you,
    And you think that makes them xssholes, maybe you’re an xsshole too.
    Do we argue with each other ’til we both turn blue,
    Or find similarities in what we like and what we do?
    Yeah, just because someone does not look like me
    Doesn’t mean that they are a clone or a sheep.
    Maybe they like their job and they’re living their dream,
    And they love their friends and their family.
    Some people thrive between nine and five,
    And feel like they’re choking if their neck’s not tied.
    And some people feel as if they’re gonna die
    If their seams aren’t straight and their shoes aren’t tied.
    Some people like business, some people like numbers,
    Some people grow organic heirloom cucumbers,
    And only feel free with their hands in the dirt
    In a pair of old jeans and their favorite t-shirt
    Some people feel enslaved when they have a boss,
    Some people without one feel totally lost.
    To make this world work it takes all different kinds.
    We have all different tastes, different strengths, different minds,
    So it doesn’t make sense to generalize
    And it doesn’t make sense to judge with our eyes.
    We need more compassion, we need to be kind
    If you open your heart you might like what you find.
    ‘Cause there are some mean bus drivers, but there’s some nice bus drivers
    And there are some nice cops in Madison, Wisconsin.
    And there’s some nice teachers, and there’s some mean teachers,
    Just because you have a mean teacher doesn’t mean all teachers suck.
    And no one is nice all the time, no one is mean all the time
    Think about what someone’s going through that’s making them be mean to you
    Maybe their pet gerbil died and they are really sad inside,
    Or maybe they got in a fight with someone that they really like,
    Maybe they are really shy and don’t know to socialize
    They just want to run and hide, not saying that it’s justified
    But if we learn to empathize the resentments will vaporize
    Situations metamorphize before out very eyes.
    Then the need to stereotype will become outdated when we realize everyone
    Is really complicated.
    We are all so complicated.
    I am also complicated.

    I’m a black mama lactivist, a home-owning punk.
    It’s been over a decade since the last time I got drunk.
    I drive a minivan, I’ve got junk in the trunk.
    I think Danny Devito is a total hunk.
    I like revisiting the shxt my therapist helps me remember.
    Being friends with someone for a long time, still not knowing their gender.
    I fight for equal rights and I fight for inner peace.
    I pray to the dead for the gratitude I need.
    I’ve got chickens in my backyard and a little garden plot,
    I really hate commercials but I got a slack-jaw.
    I’m a sucker for a remix, let me tell you what,
    By the time that I am finished, you’re gonna love these nuts.
    I’m a little bit pop culture, a lot bit D.I.Y.,
    I don’t know the definition of T.M.I.
    I write poems about my period, post pictures of my log,
    If you don’t like body functions then you shouldn’t read my blog.
    My husband’s a musician from the mountains in France,
    He wrote me a song, we did interpretive dance,
    Then he knocked me up, now we have the coolest kid,
    Yeah, hooking up with him’s the smartest thing I ever did.
    Now I feel like I can fly when I’m on roller skates,
    I feel a little high when I eat dried dates,
    I don’t understand what numbers have to do with success
    Or what sales have to do with happiness,
    Unless they’re the kind of sails that will carry me to sea,
    Where my grandma and grandpa are waiting for me.
    I never thought I’d make it to 25, now I’m 37 and I’m glad that I’m alive.
    If I ever need a tour bus I’m still gonna drive,
    Cause I looking out the windshield as the world goes by,
    Looking out the windshield as the world goes by.
    Now I’m 37 and I’m glad that I’m alive
    And I like looking out the windshield as the world goes by.

  80.  #80LoveAlways on October 8, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    I feel calmed reading this article. I am choosing to be present in each moment, whether im working, playing or loving. What to eat, what to wear, where to go and what to say. The beauty of it all is that I can put myself first with no hesitation. Then I think of others in my choices. This feels good. Thanks for making me consider this Rori!

  81.  #81Starla on October 8, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    translating band promo materials for a european metal band

    i am living my dream:)

  82.  #82Smile on October 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Annie, from previous thread,

    Sorry hun I dont think it was my post but I took it to mean that the guy didn’t have any qualifications.

  83.  #83Smile on October 8, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Starla, loved reading your post about sticking to your boundaries!!!

  84.  #84Smile on October 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    (((tams leaking condo)))

    Lots of laughs reading your posts tam! Bow legs!

    My roof is leaking too. We’ve had heavy rain and floods. I’m thankful though that I’m renting. I can imagine that the cost might feel painful.

    Your such a magnet I’m losing track with your dates! 

  85.  #85Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    I tell my teenager everyday, instead of have a good day, I say “Make good choices today”. 😉

  86.  #86Daria on October 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm


    im feeling triggered left and right!

  87.  #87Daria on October 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm


    what did that girl say, the first step to change is opposition

  88.  #88Daria on October 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    where do i emasculate people i care about and tell them what to do in the name of being caring! i do this with my brothers!!!

  89.  #89Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Lilibee 1008 from previous post and BW,

    Lookup the ‘cool girl’ concept by CC. Yes, there is that side of women who totally rockstar it and accept smootly and *authentically* that their man go away on vacation without them.

  90.  #90Luzydel on October 8, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Ladies there are lots of great men out there! I just saw one while ordering a sandwich !

  91.  #91Daria on October 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Radlove – ‘how to speed it up’ OH I CAN SO RELATE

    for anger, opening my eyes really big helps.

    also vampire scream.


    Riffing with the “i love … ” AND THAT FEELS… gets me to the next emotion, and sometimes it goes back, until its processed

    but its worked for me when nothing else used to. it used to take weeks i think, looking back.

    riffing only took about 30 min or so…

  92.  #92turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I’d really love your advice. I woke up today feeling that I need to make a choice about Mr. Conversation. Things have been going well, we get along so well, have fun together, but the more time we spend together, the more I realize that being 100% honest with myself, even if I don’t feel certain a relationship would work out…. I don’t want to be just friends. I want more. He knows how I feel, I said I wanted more, but want to be ok with just friends since he doesn’t want a serious relationship right now. We agreed we don’t want to ruin the friendship, which might happen if we try dating and screw it all up. I feel like my mind totally gets that, makes sense, I’d rather have him in my life long term as a friend, than to date and it not last…. but he does all these little things that warm my heart… I want to kiss him, I want to hold hands, I want to fall asleep with him. Which, we had too much wine the other night and did happen, but I woke up and went home about an hour later. He texted me the next day to say next time we drink together, I’m staying over and that snuggling felt nice while we slept. (Remember those comments awhile back where men feel just as good with snuggling as they do with sex, yeah, think that’s him. He doesn’t want sex, knows I’d expect that to grow into more and he’s soooo worried about pregnancy) He tells me how much he likes me. He wants to solve my problems, take care of things for me, do me favors… even little things like bringing me a seat, an extra jacket and a big umbrella for the game Saturday so I wouldn’t be cold. I feel so taken care of sometimes.

    SO, here’s where I need the advice.

    1. Do I tell him that I tried the just friends thing, and it’s not working for me because I feel too much for him to be just friends? So, if that ever changes for him to let me know. (like Daria suggested a few weeks ago)

    2. Or, do I be less available. Pull back, not see him or talk to him as much. He knows I want more. Do I let him miss me and see if he steps up?

    Everything has to be his idea. I feel he’s going to feel pressured with the first option, but it’s the one I’m leaning toward because it is actually doing something. It’s me saying this is how I feel, this is what I want, I understand how you feel, so if that even changes, let me know. It seems easier. It’s also leaning forward and may sound like an ultimatum. The other, I have to get so busy with my own life that I am honestly less available, and I have to be stronger about it.

    In other news…. yesterday I leaned forward on POF and said hi to a guy who’d written to me before that I’d replied to and not heard from after that. We emailed for a bit back and forth and I gave him my number. He started texting me and sent me pics of his art work, and we texted for awhile. Then he accidently called me and we ended up talking for 20 min. It was nice. I like his voice. He works as a contractor for a family business. (I work for a contractor) He’s from a bigger family than mine, (I’m one of 7 and he’s one of 8) I don’t think he’s been married, profile says single, and no kids. He lives probably a good 40 min. away, but he’s cute and sounded like a really nice guy. His paintings were pretty too, very serene.

  93.  #93turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    He’s one of 8

  94.  #94Smile on October 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Turquoise, I vote both. In the order you wrote them 

  95.  #95Simply Goddess on October 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    I’ve been in work today.. He text at dinner to say “Might pop up after work to grab some stuff out of yours.. Then I’ll leave you to have your think..”

    Hes working nights so should only be finishing at about 11pm.. It takes nearly an hour to get to mine.. so I thought that was strange..

    Anyway I only text back at 7pm and put “Okey dokey, What time would that be?”

    He replied and said “Nahh, I’ll just leave it and pop up another time”

    I havent replied.. and dont know whether I should bother.. Cant think of a feeling message or anything.. feel a bit ignorant like but not a huge urge to reply.. Is that bad?

  96.  #96Simply Goddess on October 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    I’ve been in work today.. He text at dinner to say “Might pop up after work to grab some stuff out of yours.. Then I’ll leave you to have your think..”

    Hes working nights so should only be finishing at about 11pm.. It takes nearly an hour to get to mine.. so I thought that was strange..

    Anyway I only text back at 7pm and put “Okey dokey, What time would that be?”

    He replied and said “Nahh, I’ll just leave it and pop up another time”

    I havent replied.. and dont know whether I should bother.. Cant think of a feeling message or anything.. feel a bit ignorant like but not a huge urge to reply.. Is that bad?

  97.  #97Starla on October 8, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    you don’t need to respond to that

  98.  #98Starla on October 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    or u can just say “ok”

  99.  #99Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Simply Goddess,

    To go along with the flow of the article above, you have a choice (the way I see it). You can either text back :

    – ok
    – I feel confused now
    – I feel disapointed, I was looking forward to seeing you

    Or any combination of the above. What do you think/feel?

  100.  #100MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 2:02 pm


    That’s dope! Thank you for sharing!

  101.  #101Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I am a goddess
    I am the prize
    I am yummy, juicy, beautiful, sweet, warm and feeling and soft
    Any man would jump hoops to be with me right now
    Any man would rather be with me right now
    I am the one
    I am whole
    I am enough
    I am a delicious, wonderful, amazing Prize

  102.  #102turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    And he made a few comments Saturday night about how to the kids it must seem that we are dating, because they wouldn’t know if we were having sex or not, not like we’d be putting that out there to them. It looks to everyone like we are a couple. We take the kids to their games together, we always sit together, we see each other almost every day. Our neighbors see us together. Our friends hear about each other. His first ex wife sees us together all the time because she’s at the games too. He has no problem with C assuming we are more than friends. He is totally fine with everyone thinking we are a couple. Why is that? Wouldn’t a commitment phobic person be really afraid of that? WOuldn’t they want to clear the air or not give that assumption? Even with his kids… they haven’t asked, and he hasn’t explained.

    He admits that this is more than friendship. He knows that. He talks about being in my life long term one day, and then how he doesn’t want me to date because he’ll lose me to another guy… that no guy would let me keep a male best friend, not how we are together.

    I feel like we are in an emotional relationship. With flirting, but supportive and encouraging. And co-parenting each others children. This is strange.

  103.  #103Simply Goddess on October 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    I don’t feel confused or disappointed strangely enough.. I had in my mind that he’s at work this week and I wont see him anyway.. I did tell him I need to think about things..
    If I stay cold and distant will he drift off or come forward?

  104.  #104Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    I feel so soft and content. Like a purrrring fluffly soft affectionate kitty cat you want to grab a hold of and hold on to forever.
    I am gorgeous and amazing. But more than that, I am the one. I am the one he can’t live without. I am the one he doesn’t want to be without. I am the one he wants. I am the one he wants to hold onto and take care of forever.
    I am the prize.

  105.  #105Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:06 pm


    You know you don’t want to come accross as cold and distant.

    You could also text:

    – ok, whatever you think is best.
    Or nothing at all.

    What do you feel inspired to do?

  106.  #106Daria on October 8, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    im feeling better chatting with a friend

    i want to brush my hair soon
    maybe even right after i go to the bathroom

  107.  #107Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm


    M’s kids thought we were just friends for the first 6 months of our relationship. Kids don’t know. They knew when he sat them down and told them.

  108.  #108MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Simply goddess

    Do or say whatever feels good to you. And if that is…Nothing at all…Why not?

  109.  #109Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I am the ultimate prize. I am the supreme Goddess. Any man would walk through fire for me. Any man would crash that boat, jump in stormy shark infested waters, to swim to me.
    I am all he needs.
    I am enough.
    I am the prize.
    I am THE ONE. I am the only one for him.

  110.  #110Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:11 pm


    This man wants you all to himself but will not step up. He sees you in his future, does not want to lose you, yet is ‘not ready’?
    I forget, how long has he been separated? Has he mentioned a timeline for you to try to be ‘together’?

  111.  #111Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Turquoise it’s been a whilee I have been thinKing you need to walk away emotionally.

  112.  #112Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm


    If it were me, I would tell him how I feel when the moment is right, in the Rori way of course. And that you don’t want to keep your options closed of he doesn’t see you in his not so far future… What do you think?

  113.  #113Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I feel like a Goddess, because I AM A GODDESS.

  114.  #114Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I am the one he needs. I am the one he wants.
    I am the one.

  115.  #115Simply Goddess on October 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I guess its 3 hours after he text so it would seem odd to reply now so I’ll just leave it..
    If I’d come on earlier I would have said “Ok, Whatever you thinks best”

    Wonder what he thinks of me having ‘time to think’.. He doesn’t seem to like it to be fair..

  116.  #116Simply Goddess on October 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Siren Angel, I like your words.. 🙂

  117.  #117Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Siren Angel, his divorce was final one month ago, separated for 4. We started seeing each other the week before she moved out. They had major problems their entire 3 years they lived together, so he says that it’s not her, just not wanting to feel controlled or that he has to answer to anyone. He has been in serious relationships his whole adult life. Very little time in between.

  118.  #118April Rose on October 8, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    I feel excited to be circular dating at last! I really do feel the enormity of its healing power.

    I am discovering my self-worth at supersonic speed!

    Feels fun.

  119.  #119Heather on October 8, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Hi Rori,
    Thank you for your response. I also really like this article about choices. I am choosing to respect where I AM AT as well as where my ex is at, and that feels good. I can’t believe (well I can!) that you picked up on my response to stress from my email. I totally agree, and you have reminded me about sinking into pleasure. I already knew that I am a highly sensitive person, and this last relationship taught me that I am going to have to take care of it. Because of my sensitivity, I don’t always respond well to stress, and that has made my life less enjoyable and pleasurable. Even things I love are often stressful for me. I do work on this, and have support and healers I work with. What I realized after my breakup is that I need a new approach. What I have been working on is seeing my sensitivity as a special gift that I have to take very good care of, always… So ALL my choices, work, love, friends, therapy, errands, everything has to be in support of my sensitivity. It is a gift, without it I could not do my work, which is animal communication, or be the beautiful person I am. But I often forget that and get swept up in the pain, despair, and difficulty of it all. Thank you for reminding me. I will check out Dominique’s work. I will also continue to focus on my own expansion and happiness. I agree that my ex may come back around, I can feel that he still loves me. But the pieces have to all be in place, in me, for it to work. I know that, with him or anyone else. And I feel we met to reflect back to each other what needs healing. He has also gone into himself since meeting me, and made great strides toward learning to be his own best friend first, instead of looking for me to fill a void in him. Now I must do the same. In the meantime, if he contacts me, I will just use the tools from the Siren program and go from there. Otherwise, it is taking much of my will, but I am not contacting him at all anymore.
    Thanks again…

  120.  #120LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 2:53 pm


    Oh wow Turquoise,

    That is the whole reason I am where I am now.
    D was in a serious comitted relationship after another since he was 17.
    He never sewed his wild oats.

    When he 1st met me, he was so needy and clingy, being seperated only 3 months the both of us.
    I didn’t want to be that rebound, so I stepped away and was by myself for another couple of months.
    I dated 2 guys after.
    Then D and I came accross each other with friends manipulations.

    Anyway, he was doing everything to keep me hanging on to him while not ready for a comitted relationship.
    He wouldn’t tell me, but his actions were clearly showing it.
    He needed to reclaim his masculinity.

    He is finally learning to be alone right now and finding himself, I see him growing up.

    He needs to go find his own path on his own.
    Waiting around has been painful.

    I am using this time to cultivate my relationship with myself right now.

    You need to find a way to relieve any pressure on him and leave him space to draw his own path, and take care of you.

    I’m all for being open and inviting, but do something to relieve pressure on the relationship.

  121.  #121Butterfly wings on October 8, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    I’m almost at work after 2 hours of sleep and I’m feeling really blah! I’m wondering if I’ve had a relapse of the depression – I thought it was all behind me. I just feel like crying right now.

    The positive of this is that I’m aware of these feelings and I know they’re not right.

    I just feel confused about TH. should I just put him on the back of my horse, or would it be better if I just walk away??? 🙁

  122.  #122bloom-ing on October 8, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    “General” by Dispatch

    there was a decorated general with a heart of gold, that likened him to all the stories he told
    of past battles, won and lost, and legends of old,
    a seasoned veteran in his own time.

    on the battlefield, he gained respectful fame
    with many medals of bravery and stripes to his name
    he grew a beard as soon as he could to cover the scars on his face
    and always urged his men on

    but on the eve of a great battle with the infantry a’dream
    the old general tossed in his sleep and wrestled with his demons.
    he awoke from the night to tell what he had seen
    and walked slowly out of his tent.

    all the men held tall with their chests in the air,
    with courage in their blood and a fire in their stare
    it was a grey morning and they all wondered how they would fare
    ’til the old general told them to go home.

    he said: “I have seen the others
    and I have discovered that this fight is not worth fighting
    I have seen their mothers and I will no other
    to follow me where I’m going

    so ! take a shower, shine your shoes, you got no time to lose
    you are young men you must be living.
    take a shower, shine your shoes, you got no time to lose.
    you are young men you must be living.
    go now you are forgiven.”

    but the men stood fast with their guns on their shoulders
    not knowing what to do with the contradicting orders.
    the general said he would do his own duty but would extend it no further.
    the men could go as they pleased.

    but not a man moved, their eyes gazed straight ahead
    ’til one by one they stepped back and not a word was said
    and the old general was left with his own words echoing in his head.
    he then prepared to fight.

    go now you are forgiven ! go now you are forgiven ! go now you are forgiven ! go ! go !

  123.  #123Tam on October 8, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Hi there!
    Just spent a nice eve by the beach. CDCuban whom I was supposed to meet this eve didn’t call or text to confirm and now I am not available anymore, and actually I didn’t feel like meeting him anyway, he is quite an intense guy and I am worn out.
    Seeing the boats briefly made me think of MrP again and how he has retreated because he felt misunderstood. Normal pattern and I am so turned off by it. This happened 4 times already and means normally that he disappears for anything up to 3 months for a simple little understanding. I already said sorry once and now I am not stirring anymore.
    I feel curious if that’s it now but based on experience, yes.
    And I am now doing a real re-focus exercise – I have potential side jobs and am working hard on them, I am exercising and I am eating as healthy as I can given that I don’t have a car and can’t get to good grocery stores. I am looking after myself and putting this behind me.
    I am not reaching out and flogging a dead horse.
    All is fine.
    Actually, it always has been, so nothing to worry about.

  124.  #124Starla on October 8, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    BW, it’s not a relapse… it’s sleep deprivation sweetie

    eat good and sleep good ASAP

  125.  #125April Rose on October 8, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Oh Butterfly Wings,

    I read you earlier saying “I am so over it” and it didn’t ring true and I think I have seen you write that before.

    I don’t know if my story will be of value here:
    I still live with WM. I see more and more clearly that there is no consistency on his part. Some days he steps up, gives me attention and affection, smiles warmly and my heart responds with instant warmth. We connect, and life feels beautiful.

    I then feel so weird and unhappy when our next interaction is the total opposite.

    I’ve reached the point where the good feelings I feel do not outweigh the bad ones.

    The lovely thing for me is that I have been dating and I have discovered men who make me feel consistently wanted.

    Gradually WM’s behaviour is feeling like a turn off for me. I honour my feminine self much more by receiving from men who see me as a prize.

    WM is slung over the back of my horse. My heart is unzippered and open to him. And I am under less and less illusion that he can do real relationship with me.
    I’m letting him trigger me, so I can feel into each trigger and heal faster.
    Boy does he trigger me. Into feelings of helplessness particularly, when he gives me the cold shoulder.

    I struggle with knowing how much of this poor treatment to take. I know the value of being triggered, and I also don’t want to hang around in such a situation.

    There is a sense of limbo, and I don’t want that for much longer.

  126.  #126Tam on October 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    April Rose, that feels painful to read…especially the last bit 🙁

  127.  #127Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Mr. C. knows I’m on POF, he knows I will date and have dated, just nothing major has been showing up. I’m not closing down my options or waiting for him in the sense that he said he doesn’t want me to date, so I don’t…but that I’d rather be with him, and my schedule has been so wrapped up in how busy my girls are, that I’ve chosen to spend my free time with him. He thinks dating is a waste of time, that we have each other and get along so well, that we are in a flirting relationship, with long conversation, hugs, making food together, riding places together, talking everyday…. but no expectation, no owing each other anything. You know, writing that all out that way, it’s glaringly obvious that this is silly.

    His kids are 9 and 13, I’m thinking his son at least has to wonder. His daughter, maybe not so much, but in the beginning she did tell him it was like we were a family. Always at each others houses, doing thngs together. First day of school she wanted me to do her hair. Not her mom, or her recent step mom…. she asked for me. Which felt sweet, and I was glad to do it. I feel more like we are family, than just friends, or even dating. We are so intertwined in each other’s lives. He loves my girls, always says how great they are… and he and my oldest have really bonded. He worries about her, wants her to feel she has someone on her side… gives her a lot of attention. He tries to make up for the fact that their dad isn’t here.

    It’s soooo much to walk away from.

  128.  #128April Rose on October 8, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Rori’s article is about making choices.

    I choose to live and work with WM at the present time. Our lives are intertwined through the close work we do together day to day.

    AND I have the choice to opt for a completely new and separate life path. I am currently researching into this in detail. Feeling excited about the prospect…….

  129.  #129Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    So Lillebee… what do you suggest? He’s really come so far, so quickly. I don’t feel any urge to take care of him anymore because he’s doing such a great job. He cooks and eats and went back to work for a company he really loved. He bought a new car to fix up as a project, he has a trip planned to see his best friend next month. He’s doing great. He has some small bouts of doubt that things will all work out for him, but for the most part, he’s doing great. I listen and encourage, but give very little advice, and even then I just might share a similar thing that I did, or sort of wonder about it. I never say, you need to do it this way.

    So, what do I do to relieve all pressure? I guess not option number one of telling him I want more. That will feel like pressure. So, focus on option number 2 and have less time for him?

    I’m hoping the artist steps up and contacts me. There is another guy that I was emailing with yesterday, he sounds ok too. The hard part is, I’m so limited on my free time to go out right now, because I rarely have a sitter. Mr. C. and I do stuff together all the time with our kids, so never a problem.

    I want him to miss me though. I actually haven’t heard from him yet today. I made the mistake of pointing out that I let him text me first, and he hadn’t even realized it… so he might be waiting to see how long I’ll wait for him to contact me, or he might be swamped with work and school and kids. Who knows. I don’t even know what to say, so no urge at all to lean forward and start a conversation. We’ve never gone more than one day without talking/texting. I actually think there has only been two days we haven’t had contact, and he was out of town. In 4 months, that is nothing.

  130.  #130Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    BW, I think I missed something! Being sleep deprived, not eating well, stress with your relationship, all reasons to make you feel out of sorts and sad and depressed. Remember though, you can be situationally depressed about something, but that is a lot different than clinically depressed. The bad days come and go. Don’t worry, this will pass! ((((BW))))

  131.  #131Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    FW, walking away emotionally feels like walking away all together. At least for now. Because I can’t separate my emotions from th relationship. I wish I could rationalize with myself and say…. Turquoise, no matter how much you may like or even love having this man in your life, it migt never get any stronger or deeper than this. If you keep spending time with him, you are going to get more and more attached. If he meets someone else or decides he doesn’t want you in his life so much anymore, you’ll be crushed. SO, protect your heart now. Walk away and see if he follows. That is the smart thing to do. My head gets it… my heart feels sad.

  132.  #132Daria on October 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    i feel so angry and blameful. where do i feel spiteful towards msyelf? resentful? don’t bother, she’s not listening? hmmm I love my worthlessness. I love my resentfulness. I love my resistance and blocks to healing. I love my spitefullness. I love my judgementness. I love my punishment ness. I love my words

  133.  #133Daria on October 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    ohh that feels Good

  134.  #134Jessie1000 on October 8, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    hi girls
    Just saying whats up!
    Hope u are all good…Love to you all

  135.  #135LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 3:53 pm


    ((( BW ))),

    You have 3 weeks to sink into your feelings and gather yourself before you see him again.

    Can you go back to your therapist?

  136.  #136Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    RememBer counterintuitive Turq.

  137.  #137LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Oh Turquoise,

    I hope you’ll still be around when I get back from zumba in 2 hours.

    Gotta run, I’ll be back in 2 hours.

  138.  #138Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    What do u mean fw?

  139.  #139MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    I am no longer afraid.

    I am fully aware.

    I am fully open.

    I am fully receptive.

    I am exactly where I want to be.

    I am a forever girl.

    I feel dazzling. I feel powerful. I feel love fully from all directions. This is it. Yes yes yes! Hellz yes! *high fives* me! I am so worth it. 🙂

  140.  #140Heart on October 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Turquoise – I feel concerned. Do you read Rori’s articles?, do you read the newsletters, have you watched any programs? How long have you been on this blog?
    I know you’re hurting right now and you feel sad so I’m not going to put you down or make you feel bad for seeing a an that says he only wants to be friends…

    Let go of this man….remember the fist thing? Well relax your ingers, open your palm and just let him go…
    Nothing you do at this point will inspire him to claim you.
    Even if you step back and he misses you and caves and steps up a little …He’ll eventually Leave again.

    Be Brave. Start focusing on you. Practice the tools, Spend Time in nature…Date!
    Tools: Change everything, paint yourself in love, out the window. Perfect lover visualization.

    Start sinking into your feelings and journaling…and understanding exactly why you’re gravitating to these situations.
    Get a hobby – painting. yoga. dance.
    Stay away from this man for a month or at least until a shift starts happening…
    If you don’t make This Choice now you’ll just gravitate to another unfulfiling relationship.

    Good luck Turquoise.

  141.  #141MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Feelings of radiance and gravity, infinite cycling swirling light. Aura of love. Driven by heart beats. Pulse pushing glittering yellow out, misty blue rushes in. Such a sigh…Expression of awe. Calm and peaceful. Serenity. This infinite cycle of raging desire, tender kisses, hot tempered passion, and softly spoken feelings. Received adorations feel so gloriously good! A word, a touch, a look. Playful agression. Deep growls and high pitched sqeals of delight crowned with giggles. Kisses of endless variety and abundance. An arm, reached out. A hand to touch my hair, my cheek, my neck, my shoulder. To say you are precioius to me. Sweet treasure. I want to stay here forever. My hand on a heartbeat. A kiss on my forehead.

  142.  #142Tam on October 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Heart…no-nonsense post. Helped me to read it also.

  143.  #143Daria on October 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    ah i feel scared

    i feel scared im going to ‘be attacked’ or ‘be triggered’ by something from my environment…


    im here for you. i can handle it. im in charge. ill take care of you.

    its ok to feel scared. its ok to feel tightened. its ok to feel frightened

    i love your fright

  144.  #144Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Thanks for the advice heart, and some I needed to hear….even though I schrunched up my face at reading you weren’t going to put me down because I was hurting, as if that would be ok if I wasn’t. I do think it feels very limiting to say it will never happen, or if he did miss me and step up, it would be temporary. Why? Because we are friends now? My ex and his fiance started as friends, were friends for about 8 or 9 months, before they started dating. Our divorce was just being finalized, too stressful of a time for him. He proposed a year after they started dating. Now, didn’t end up working out for them, but they lived in different states at that point, he was deployed several times… so other hardships to deal with over serveral years they tried to make it work. But, that isn’t even the point, all relationships are different.

    Fudge. I don’t know what I thought would happen. I guess I felt if I could just enjoy what we had, find the value in that and keep my heart open to what else was out there, I’d be fine. He’s been a better friend to me and more present in my life the last 4 months, than anyone else, including my family. It’s the companionship that is so hard to give up or walk away from.

    I do have the ebook and read all the newsletters. I don’t know that I believe in long term, happy relationships anymore. I don’t know many people who are in them. The ones who are, the women aren’t sirens. The one siren I know, just found out she’s getting divorced because her husband cheated on her. He’s in his early 50’s, she’s late 30’s and gorgeous, sweet, fun… I don’t get it. Most women don’t do things Rori’s way, they dated one man at a time, and they got married… But I’m not giving up on love and do hope to find someone who wants what I want. I wasn’t a siren and I got married. Not sure if I had been, if my marriage would have turned out any differently. The main things that have changed in me since joining the blog last year, I use a lot more feeling messages, have learned to deal with my triggers and not over react. I’m a much better communicator, and I’ve learned to lean back a lot. I was always a doer in relationships. I have learned to receive.

  145.  #145Daria on October 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    “if you are flexible, you will never be helpless”

  146.  #146MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    I feel infinitely grateful to have my mom and dad as an example of a long and happy marriage. 40 years and strong. My mom is a rockstar siren at a 60/40 ratio. Good luck getting her to NOT tell you how she feels. Dads a strong silent type. Logical. He’s a grumbler but she gets her way. They are super tight. They bicker, but always laugh. Go mom and dad! 40 years is H to the core. I know they will see 50, 60 years.

  147.  #147Dominique on October 8, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Oh Turquoise – You CAN still believe. Whether there are many or few relationships which survive long term, there are some that do. I thought as you did for a very long time, and you know what, all I saw were failed relationships. Now I believe with all I have that there can be good, wonderful relationships which survive and easily; I have one of these, and you know what, this is mostly what I get to see now.


  148.  #148Dominique on October 8, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    No non-siren goddess here. either. If you’ve seen just one of my youtubes, you will know this.


  149.  #149Daria on October 8, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    i fwwl lonwly



  150.  #150Daria on October 8, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    Sometimes – all the time ? When I kiss something, like my mom, or rte now, the computer

    I feel like my dad!

    Or maybe eat I imagine -sense-feel as how he feels. Pheeewf. I feel boy, and a bit unsure or us it icky?

    Very familiar. Spent most of life in that state ‘child/masculine’


    I don’t want to feel that way.

    As feminine I can do a light touch ,
    But when it comes to kissing mom? Hmm

    I want to heal this. I want to do the feminine form of love.

    Just wondered, does mom kiss me? Or am I always the one kissing Her? I don’t remember . She hugs me tho.

    I’ll stop offering kisses. I feel sad fearing it will get lonely and disconnected, but actually I’m giving a chance for the energy to reverse and heal. Then I’ll be able to connect even deeper.

    How cool !

    I Still can’t remember if mom kisses me!

    Oh sometimes she does, I think if I go on trips, I know cuz Thers lipstick to wipe off.

    It might be a mutual kiss then still.

    Ok wow I wonder how not kissing and loving this fear in my tummy will shift and heal my relationship w my mom.

  151.  #151Daria on October 8, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    We both initiate hugs and she gives me hand and foot massages.

  152.  #152Goddess Lily on October 8, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Please advise, sirens:

    1. How does one do the dance position when laying in bed? Or what are we supposed to do?

    2. What’s the fm or response when he asks “what do you want me to do?” ( with regards to frequency or type of contact from an ex that you’re not sure what to do with)

  153.  #153LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 6:36 pm


    I believe we need to accept entirely what these men are saying.
    He is being totally honest with you about what he wants.

    I always ask happy couples how they met.
    I’ve known a few couples too who started as friends.
    The common thing I’ve noticed with all of them is that it was always the man wanting more and stepping up, never the woman.

    These women were happy and content with the friendship.
    When the man would step up, they would be surprised and needed time to consider.
    The woman was the prize.
    The woman was in the position to choose.

    I really appreciate you sharing Turquoise and asking for input.
    Sharing my perspective really helps put myself into perspective.

    Who is the prize here? The woman is.

  154.  #154LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Hi Goddess Lily,

    Great quiz on what I’ve learned in Rori’s programs.

    1 – I heard Rori address this specifically in 1 of her programs. Lie on your back with your arms to your sides, palms facing up to receive.

    2 – Sink into your feelings to find what would feel good to you.

  155.  #155Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Thanks Lillibee…. that makes a lot of sense. So what do you suggest I do now? I’ve gotten myself into a pickle.

  156.  #156LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    I feel weird.

    I started reading this book about relationships.
    What feels weird is that I borrowed it from D this summer.
    He got it from the therapist he talked to when he reached out to me to get me back.

    Urrrggg, I want to lean forward…But no, I AM THE PRIZE.

  157.  #157LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 6:52 pm



    You want what you want.
    You need to accept him and what he wants, but you also need to accept yourself and what you want.

    I am following my own advice, and will lookup the hiking meetup group.
    I wanta go hiking.
    My friend (former cd) hangs out with that group, there are many great women my age to make new friends, and there are a couple of really good guys he would like to introduce me to.

    I have had 2 amazing weekends with myself.
    Now I want to get out and be with people.

  158.  #158Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    So I leaned forward after a text yesterday, which had to do with custody schedules. And I leaned forward again this morning. Seems I Rockstared it, because he called again tonight after a thanksgiving diner out 🙂

    Ohhh….. I feel good… Yeah! Rockstar diva I am!

    Yes, I am a Goddess!!!


  159.  #159Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Lilibee!!! I will go hiking with you next weekend!!! 🙂


  160.  #160LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 6:55 pm


    That feels so good to read SA 🙂

    I really believe your softening up did something for him.

  161.  #161Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    I mean if you want to Lilibee… Sorry, still in Rockstar mode 😉

  162.  #162LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 6:56 pm


    Let’s go Rockstar SA! 🙂

    I wanta hangout with a Rockstar Goddess!

  163.  #163LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Alot of single dads take out their kids hiking 😉

    I’m speaking for myself here.

    I want what I want, and I don’t want to stay home doing nothing waiting around for a man.

    It did me alot of good staying home these past 2 weekends.
    I’ve gotten alot closer and more intimate with myself, took care of my relationship with myself.
    But now I need to get out of my cocoon and share myself with other people.

  164.  #164Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Lilibee! Yeah!

  165.  #165LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 7:21 pm


    You got me remembering something.

    When I 1st started to date D, he asked what I was looking for.
    This is what I answered:
    “I don’t want just any relationship just to say I have a bf. I feel happy, whole and complete as my life is now. I don’t feel an empty hole that needs to be filled. I just want to get to know you, be in the present moment and have fun. Ultimately, I do want a longterm relationship some day. I never keep dating someone if I don’t see potential for long term. I just want it to happen on its own without any pressure.”

    He was so crazy into me, it wasn’t funny.
    I felt such pressure, I felt scared and closed off.
    I shut down.
    I agreed to exclusivity, but he wanted a full comittment right away.
    After 1 month of dating, he said he loved me.
    I kept wondering “How can he know that he loves me when he doesn’t really know me?”
    I didn’t know how to feel my feelings and share them.
    I shutdown, and the tables were turned after 4 months of dating.
    After 5 months, he felt really disappointed and doubtful of my intentions when I renewed my lease.

    You know the rest of the story and how it turned out.

    My point is: I remember what it felt like feeling pressure of high expectations from the other person, when all I wanted was to get to know him, and have the freedom to choose day by day what I wanted next.
    I wanted the comitment feeling to happen naturally on its own, and I didn’t feel him with me really listening.

  166.  #166Butterfly wings on October 8, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Awww LiliBee and Siren Angel, I feel excited for the two of you! 🙂

  167.  #167Siren Angel on October 8, 2012 at 7:28 pm


    I wouldn’t walk away… but that is my perspective. And I understand you are in a hard situation right at the moment and may want an instant outcome or at least a glimmer of a future. How about just staying receptive to him and putting down some rules FOR YOURSELF? (ie not accepting last minute invites, not calling, ect) But choose whatever feels most convenient and actually doable in your particular situation.

    Some days, we are more in the soup and everything seems so heavy and urgent to ‘fix’ by walking away or doing or saying something to make something happen. And then other days, we notice big strides in the stepping up of our man. Can you open your wings right now and fly up so you can see the situation more clearly and with a larger view? And then feel your feelings, and turn around after and do something for you or you and your girls?

  168.  #168LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    I feel blah.

    I wanted to go hiking with the meetup group yesterday or today.
    My period kept me home.
    My legs hurt, my tummy hurt.
    I felt drained and heavy as I always do during my 1st 2 days of period.

    And zumba was cancelled tonight.
    I went like many other classmates, and the instructors weren’t there.
    I came back home and cleaned my kitchen.

    I did alot of cooking today to have healthy food readily available in the freezer for those busy days to come.
    I took advantage of red bell peppers being a third of the winter price and made stuffed peppers.

  169.  #169Heart on October 8, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Turquoise – whether you had been hurting or Not…I’m not going to put you down. Kay? I feel attacked by your comments.
    I feel unappreciated and chastised. These are my emotions and my triggers. I do not blame you. I’m lying. I blame you. 🙂 I’m Not There Yet in my personal growth.
    I feel bad for blaming you. I love my angry feel-bad finger pointing blamey ways.

    Turquoise – I said nothing you do – At This Point – will inspire him to claim you. At some other point …Maybe.

    I wrote this not because you’re friends with him but because right now, well, your vibe seems fearful and desperate…it reeks of low self-esteem.

    You come across as someone who does not see herself as a prize and must instead strategize/trick a man into wanting her. It’s unattractive. It will not inspire a man that already feels lukewarm about you to commit. It will not Work in the long term because you would not be Changing your vibe in a REAL way….Instead you’ll just be pretending to change in order to “get-the-man”. Pretending won’t last because the fear and desperation will still be Running you. Even if he steps up…your fear and desperation to have him will show up again and again. And this feeling you have that he is somehow better than you and you must do this and do that to get him Will still be there ⇨ and he’ll get turned off and back away – IF He even shows up at all.

    Trust me Turquoise….All of us here have fearful and desperate moments. I feel scared I won’t have a meaningful relationship sometimes. I get a little bit hung up but it’s crucial not to let it run you. Not to act from that place…Not to make CHOICES fuelled by those emotions.

    As Rori said in the last thread: Backing off is Meaningless, it’s your vibe that Counts!

    Btw Getting married and having a good relationship are two different things.

    Also, I hope you change this limiting belief you have that happy long term relationships aren’t possible. I suggest you search the internet for stories of happily married older couples. Maybe you should also practice the Perfect partner visualisation a few times a week to train your subconscious mind.

    Good luck to Turquoise and all of us.

  170.  #170LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 7:36 pm


    Hi BW 🙂

    That reminds me: How is Peaches doing?
    Do you still see each other?
    I’ve seen her hang out on FB sometimes.
    But she doesn’t come around the blog at all anymore.
    I feel curious.

  171.  #171Femininewoman on October 8, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Turquoise I think you are doing what you believe naturally develops into LTR. Taking the super -zed friend approach. A serial monogamist could stay this way forever.

  172.  #172Lady in Waiting on October 8, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Oh, this soooooo good. Beautiful words from sirens everywhere this evening.
    I feel empowered.
    I feel like I belong.
    I feel like I had the best cup of coffee with the best smiling sages from all over the universe.
    Siren Angel? Had to copy your poem(s) to keep with me.
    I needed that validation and belief.
    New cds already went poof-or did they?
    I know (after the fact), I was triggered in different ways by each one thru texting.
    I do not like texting as a primary means of communication when starting a relationship. For all the reasons you know for yourself.
    I recognize my impatience and sarcasm and walls that I responded with.
    I recognize that from those split second moments after I sent my return texts-those cds dramatically shut down.
    I recognize a desire in me to WAIT now to respond.
    And, to want to be prepared/practiced at responding with respect to my boundaries without hitting those guys over the head with a frying pan!!
    Is it worth it to communicate to them now, that I feel bad that words may have been misunderstood?
    CD 1,Asked me out, yes, spent few days before the date asking repeatedly if I was excited to see him. Unfortunately for him, that day was incredibly important for my daughter-it felt like he coulda cared less about what was happening in my life. And I told him so. Date one never happened. I did respond with my best feeling msg. He came back a week later, asked me out again-I was sick! Told him the truth-was not up to going out that weekend. He spent that day txting and teasing. Finally after I crawled thru work and got home that night-I let him hear my knarly voice on the phone. I really was sick. Only little txts since then and now nothing. Felt like it was all about him, twice-the first time and second.
    CD 2 started all romantic and sweet from first emails to texts to couple calls. Asked if I would want to go out? Yes! no confirmation. Couple days later-would I ever want to go to Chicago? Yes! couple days later by text-Oh, we should have gone out tonight, he said he forgot my work schedule (i was free that night-he already knew). That’s when my replies to his all day text got a lot sarcastic. And of course-he poofed.
    Live and learn? Or practice and see if I might be surprised?
    I recognize my part in pushing away, I also recognize I felt I was not getting the balanced attention and girly respect I was looking for.
    Your thoughts and ideas appreciated

  173.  #173Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    Thanks Heart. I do appreciate you taking the time to respond and share your perspective. It is interesting to me to hear what others get from me and my posts, that I don’t see in myself, so it doesn’t quite make sense when I hear it back. But, either I don’t express myself well, or it’s so limited because I could go on for hours and hours… (I love to talk, not a woman of few words)

    BUT, I certainly don’t want to come across as desperate and needy. Double yuck. And I’m not. I have a very nice life, two beautiful girls, a fabulous home, a mostly great family, a handful of really good friends and I work a full time job, plus have a small side business, which hasn’t taken off as much as I’d have hoped so that is definitely something I can throw myself into. I want a good man in my life, but I don’t need one. I usually do feel like a prize. I know I’m an awesome person. It’s the lack of serious relationships since I’ve been single that hurt my ego. I’d also feel much more confident if I felt better about my body. That should be a big focus for me now.

    He is one guy. I know millions are out there. I guess it’s just been such a long time since I felt anything real for a man besides my ex… easy for me to get wrapped up in it.

    Lillebee…. the hard part is, I don’t feel like I act in a pressuring way, but anytime you know someone wants more than you do (no matter the situation) it does feel like pressure. I guess I don’t understand him fully. Most men who feel pressured at all, would bolt.

    Siren Angel, thank you for reminding me to look at this from a new view. I over think and worry. Both unattractive and not good for my vibe.

    I didn’t feel this blah about happy relationships until this past week when I heard about two of my friends getting divorced, that I thought had some of the best relationships around. IT just sucks.

    I didn’t hear from the artist. But, I did start an okcupid profile just a little bit ago and have already gotten a bunch of messages. Mr. C. showed up as one of my matches, we are 90% matched. Who knows, maybe down the road, things could work out for us. Right now, it’s not going to… so keeping my eyes open.

    Another good thing I did for me today, I went to the OB for the first time in years. I got on birth control pills to regulate my period and improve my PMS. It will feel better to be regular again. And safe.

  174.  #174LiliBee on October 8, 2012 at 8:01 pm



    This resonates with me:

    ” Not to act from that place…Not to make CHOICES fuelled by those emotions.”

    I shared an FM with D today.
    It felt so good to be able to drop my wall and be authentic.

    He is stepping back to think.
    I went through a feeling of sadness that he didn’t call at the time he would usually call.

    At this moment, I feel glad he’s allowing me time to sink into my feelings and gain some perspective.

    Being here reading all sirens’ comments really helps me with that.

    I may be attracted to him, I may have strong feelings for him, however I love him…I need to love myself more.
    I still know what would make me happy, and he knows what that is.
    I will lean back and let him have his space to think about and figure out if he can make that happen and how.

    In 1 of Rori’s programs, she describes the difference between a relationship in the beginning dating stages and an invested relationship.
    They are both pre-comitment.
    Mine is an invested relationship, where feelings of love have developped.
    Therefore, I can’t go backwards, I can only go forward.

    It can feel fresh and new, but I don’t want to go backwards to dating, or friendship, or fwb.
    It would feel ‘off’ being in an invested relationship.

    He is now taking his space and time to think where he is going to take this relationship next.

    Heart, you are so spot on with repeating what Rori posted:
    Backing off is Meaningless, it’s your vibe that Counts!

    You weren’t commenting to me, but I thank You anyway for bringing it up.

  175.  #175Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Lillebee… what do you see for your future with him? Do you imagine it will all work out? Do you want to be with him long term?

    I’m curious because you sounded so disappointed the last few months.

  176.  #176Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Thank you Dominique, I know you are a siren and happy! I wasn’t saying Sirens can’t be happy….. just seems like most women aren’t, and a lot of them have loving relationships. I guess I feel blah about dating in general.

  177.  #177bloom-ing on October 8, 2012 at 8:36 pm


  178.  #178MissStix on October 8, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    I am coming down with a yucky cold. I feel relieved to know I have no work this week, and I feel thankful I am a siren…Because I can let my man take care of me. He is wonderful, making dinner and rubbing my achy hips and neck and being extra gentle and affectionate ((((him)))

    I feel…Sniffly. I feel achy all over. My skin feels hyper sensitive and prickly. I feel a raw and tender spot on the left back of my throat when I swallow. Awww I love you achy tender sensitive prickly feelings. We will take care of you.

    So hyper sensitive to physical sensation…Was laying on the couch while the man played vids and every gunshot sound impacted my body with what felt like a wall of density. And every fibre of me throbbed and stung with each hit. Had my eyes closed and could see a conical burst of white light with each bang bang bang. Couldn’t take it anymore!

  179.  #179Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    You come across as someone who does not see herself as a prize and must instead strategize/trick a man into wanting her. It’s unattractive. It will not inspire a man that already feels lukewarm about you to commit.

    How am I doing this? I’m not trying to trick him into anything, and I’m not a very strategic person, so no master plan.

    I have been honestly trying to just be friends and make that work. I thought I’d start to like him less, if I kept that in mind. Just hasn’t happened that way.

  180.  #180Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    Feminine Woman, he said something similar. That he thinks I believe we’ll end up together as it will just make sense to go there someday.

    I guess I’m really different than most people. I don’t have a big plan. I don’t have expectations like that, about much in my life. Maybe that is part of my problem…. I really don’t have a big plan for my life. I tend to just take life day by day.

    I spend time with him because it feels good to be around him. He’s a cool guy, very interesting, and he makes me laugh, a lot.

    I do think in time he’ll be healed and ready for a new relationship. I don’t expect that it will be with me, but I believe we could be good together.

    How did I get to be 38 and have no expectations of anyone? Oh yeah, I did before and it didn’t work out. I learned to not expect, so I wouldn’t depend or count on anyone else.

  181.  #181Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    I hope you feel better Miss Stix.

  182.  #182Turquoise on October 8, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    And it’s not that I think Mr. C. is better than me. He’s just so different than other men I’ve met, he has a lot of qualities I really like….. but he’s not perfect. No pedestal.

  183.  #183Tereana on October 8, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Starla #8 – I love it! Thanks for sharing your story 🙂

    It’s true – most of the time, guys DO know better, and they just want to see what they can “get away with.” I definitely feel this sometimes, and yet the urge to “please” is so strong…but it’s very worth it to resist when it means we are really sticking to our guns. Great stuff! : )

  184.  #184Tereana on October 8, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    BW #48 ((hugs))

  185.  #185Tereana on October 8, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    I’ve felt kind of weird all day. Kind of “off.” It probably didn’t help that I took a call from a woman this morning who was rather irate, and wouldn’t let me explain or work with me at all on scheduling. So I let her go. I actually took care of myself, and when she was stressing me out, I simply said I would call her back in a few minutes. (I was also in the middle of something). When I did, the connection was bad. Eventually, I just decided that this person was not someone that I wanted to work with anyway, and so I feel totally at peace with that. It was just not the most pleasant way to start my day. Lol.

    Happy Indigenous Peoples’ Day! (Haha, that’s “Berkeley” for “Columbus Day” ; )

    Today is also the one-year anniversary of…I can’t even say it.

    I need to do a ritual. I need to do a ritual of release. I have been holding onto feelings that I’ve had for someone, and I’ve had them for sooo long. It’s been since I was 14. THAT IS ALMOST 20 YEARS. It occurs to me now that that is the age at which my parents designated that I would be “old enough to date boys.” Ha. Like I ever did! lol

    Thing is, I just saw this boy, I liked him, and that was it. I’ve liked other boys. Many other boys liked me. But I didn’t care for them. I only wanted this ONE BOY to like me back. And even though I KNOW he liked me – we even kissed once – he didn’t “like, like” me. You know what I mean. He’s always thought I was cool. We were friends (in a way). And as adults, conversation even drifted toward the sexual. But he obviously never took me seriously as partner material. Even though I’ve always felt inextricably bound with him, somehow.

    This is part of why Radlove’s posts trigger me so much, when she talks about R. I hate hearing about someone else who also believes they are “connected” to another person, when there is no real, actual, realistic relationship on the table. This is what it’s like for me, pretty much, with this guy. Except I’ve been trying to walk away from it – even run away from it. I’ve tried to get myself as far away from this person as I can, because I don’t want to be near someone who doesn’t return my affections. I’ve gone away to college. I’ve lived in Europe. I’ve moved across the country. But I can’t really get away. He’s always there in my mind, whether I like it or not. Everywhere I go, I see men who remind me of him. And part of me won’t really let me get “involved” with anyone else, on the off-hand chance that he might just show up somehow and decide that he loves me.

    Well, I think it’s time for me to watch “My best friend’s wedding again.” I hated that movie, because it seemed to be about me. And it is about me.

    A year ago, this guy married someone else. And they are still married. And I saw a picture of the wedding today. They looked beautiful (I couldn’t go, because I couldn’t stand to be there.) They seem to be great friends, and have fun together. I wonder if they know? I wonder if they have any idea about how I feel? It seems obvious to me. But it could be that they just think I’m a jerk. Lol. I guess I am, kind of. But I’m trying to take care of myself by not exposing myself to more pain than I have to.

    My point is – I don’t like it. But I have to let go of this. And I don’t know how to do it. But I have an intention to perform a ritual, this evening, in order to help me let this go, in a physical way. I’ve barely been aware of it, but this one holding-on has been eclipsing my entire love life for as long as I can remember. I almost don’t feel like I know how to love anyone else, I’ve convinced myself so hard, so long ago, that he was the only one for me. And it could be I was wrong. I don’t want to admit to being wrong. But Loving What IS means loving what’s right here in front of me – which means what also is NOT right here in front of me. And loving that, too. loving it, by accepting that, ok, this is how it is. My high-school crushy sweetheart person is married to someone else. They get to tell their kids the story of how they got together and all that. And it’s not my story. My story is something else. A bit more sordid, perhaps. A bit less cutesy and romantic. But whatever happens, it’s going to be MY STORY. And that’s how it is. *le sigh*

    Okay, I am going to go write a letter and then burn it. That’s my plan.

    Good night, Sirens!

  186.  #186Emerson on October 8, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Starla 8&9
    I really enjoyed reading what you wrote!
    I feel inspired to stick to my boundaries.
    I’ve said no texting and the guy still texts and then I end up eventually replying and then stating again, eventually… That I’m not wanting to text but meanwhile I’ve been texting! Ugh!!
    I let myself loop into this with several CDs in recent months. !!!!
    I feel annoyed with myself and my lack of sireneyness

  187.  #187Emerson on October 8, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    I feel annoyed with the guys for testing my boundaries. Feels like games.

  188.  #188Emerson on October 8, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    I have been missing a friend in”lost” a while back and been feeling sad. 🙁

    When I read about how guys can sense our “needy” vibe …i feel sad and hopeless.
    well I wonder that what is so bad about feeling needy for comfort and support and feeling sad when there’s scary family and scary financial stuff going on around me?
    Sometimes I just want to call someone feeling teary and sad and not always feel cool or flowy.

  189.  #189Emerson on October 8, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    A friend *i* lost

  190.  #190Heart on October 9, 2012 at 12:12 am

    I felt abandoned
    I felt forgotten
    I felt like a dusty doll that’s been left on the shelf unplayed with….

    I sank into my emotions and bonded with my inner teenager after being triggered by a status message made by Cuddleygrinch 2 days ago. He has not contacted me in 2 weeks….and his absence and then FB activity has activated by abandonment issues….

    I feel cleansed to be feeling these core emotions…
    I feel awed by my emotions…
    I feel melancholy….
    I feel curious…is he rubberbanding or losing interest?
    I feel sad to watch CudG sail away
    I feel relieved if he didn’t show up….
    I feel grateful for the lesson…
    I feel confused by what the lesson is…
    I feel a heaviness in my heart…
    I feel bored
    I feel excited meeting someone new.

  191.  #191Heart on October 9, 2012 at 12:20 am

    Turquoise – I feel tired. I don’t want to Debate with you.
    I feel skeptical…Can you sink into your emotions and find the deeper feelings underneath your “defensiveness”?

    Ps I have the net! yay

  192.  #192MS on October 9, 2012 at 12:36 am

    I am not sure what to do (maybe nothing?) and hope someone here can help. I have not seen G for 2 months, and his last text message was a month ago, saying he had difficult times and needed to be alone and he said sorry for not being in contact. When we last met, even though we had been apart a month, he started off saying he felt deep friendship, but when I said friendship wasn’t what I wanted he told me he couldn’t imagine his life without me and still wanted a relationship but didn’t know why he couldn’t go forward, he didn’t want me to get hurt. Apart from having work difficulties and family worries right now, he doesn’t seem to have committed in the past but has had some long term relationships. We suit each other in so many ways, from work/life experiences, to loving travel to even living in the same area and we can spend all day together and still have things to talk about. I felt loved and pursued early on. But the level of intimacy started dropping when his work became more difficult and I was typically overfunctioning to compensate, eventually I expressed my needs and he went into man cave mode. I was away last week and 5 days ago after 3 months of uncertainty I sent him a note to say there wasn’t a relationship anymore, at least not the kind of relationship I ws looking for, and to leave my things at my house before I got back. He hasn’t done that and now I have to return his things without knowing when he is going to return mine. I am apprehensive of seeing him again in case I go back into crumb taking mode. I feel quite strong now but scared that if I see him I’ll keep looking at what was right and forgetting the things which caused me to feel unhappy in the relationship. I know circular dating is Rori’s tool here, but when I met G it was completely unplanned, at an event we were both NOT planning to go to and then did when persuaded by others, and then found so much in common when we accidentally met. It feels hard to ignore synchronicity and I know he’s not involved with anyone else. So my question is – do I leave him a note when I take his things back (I can leave them somewhere, we don’t have to meet) saying how I feel about the relationship and leaving the door open, or should I just walk away? My family and friends who have helped me when I was so sad think there’s nothing left here and to walk away. I’m just worried that because he still has my things he will try to make contact and I will be led into another round of uncertain relationship. Also we live in the same area and could cross paths (hasn’t happened yet).

  193.  #193Heart on October 9, 2012 at 12:59 am


    I don’ think you should take the clothes/things to him…He has not asked you for his stuff…so just forget about the note…

    He said he felt deep friendship and could not give you a relationship…Respect his No….Also respect his desire for space…
    If he comes back to you…wonderful!

  194.  #194MS on October 9, 2012 at 1:13 am

    Thanks Heart. He’s followed the pattern a couple of times to say he doesn’t want our relationship to end but not following through (he seems overwhelmed with other things and keeps beating himself up). He has never said No to a relationship, which is why this has been such a confusing time, because I have taken him at his word that relationship is what he wants. That is why I felt the need to say I couldn’t carry on in limbo and let’s return each other’s things. Do nothing more – good advice.

  195.  #195Heart on October 9, 2012 at 1:42 am

    Ms – just give him some time….Maybe he’ll realize he’s madly in love with you and he’s rush out of his house
    in the pouring rain with his shirt open
    and climb
    unto his stallion and ride

    to your house and fall on his knees saying: I LOVE you Ms…

    ….maybe.maybe not…
    You cant force yourself to leave limbo…your mind will naturally move from there imo.
    Date yourself. Date other men.

  196.  #196Annie on October 9, 2012 at 2:11 am

    Dominique. 🙂

    “I find it helpful to sit with the feeling for a bit, see where it’s coming from. Is it really about what he is or isn’t doing or saying, or are you really having something else going on, and this is what triggered you in that moment, eg. you aren’t feeling well, or your boss yelled at you for something you did or didn’t do, etc.”

    Lol. Yes usually then it’s the straw that breaks the camels back. And I am feeling overwhelmed.
    And have tolerated stuff. In other words stuffed it down.
    Sadly sometimes we are in situations that we have little real choice but to tolerate at that moment.

    “And then it’s worthwhile to ask yourself if this thing which is bringing up bad feeling feelings worth addressing. Are you maybe projecting some of your own stuff? Is he mirroring something back to you?

    If after this, you still feel sure it’s all about whatever it is he’s doing or not doing, and you still feel bad and want to say something, then do so.

    For me, I may sit on these feelings and questions for days so that I get really clear on what’s REALLY going on with me.”

    Omg I feel impressed I am such a blurter, foot in mouth.

    “I often let most things go unless it’s a pattern of behavior or something I feel really strongly about, the latter happened but once. I find it’s almost always something within me and has nothing really to do with him at all.

    Remember bringing things back to you? Something I feel strongly about. It really does come back to you in some way most of the time


    Yes it’s usually to do with me tolerating and accepting stuff that I don’t want.
    And it then becomes a case of stepping back, facing that anxiety that comes up, seeing the wood from the trees. And hopefully a shift in consciousness occurs.

  197.  #197Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 2:12 am

    MS for me it would be difficult to see his stuff everyday. As such I would set a time boundary regarding what I would do with them. 2 month is around the time he should really start missing you.

  198.  #198Heart on October 9, 2012 at 2:16 am

    when your lips are burning mine
    and you take the time
    to tell me how you
    Feeel. ♬

  199.  #199Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 2:27 am

    MS his actions would be more important than his words

  200.  #200MS on October 9, 2012 at 2:28 am

    Yes, it’s been more than 2 months now since we saw each other (and he wanted to maintain the relationship) but just over a month since his last text. I can hide his stuff in the attic or I can return it. What’s on my mind is the holiday season coming up and not knowing whether to be in touch or not – I thought by getting his stuff out before then and having mine back, that would be another worry out of the way. I’ll decide by the end of the week. I’m going to go out in the sunshine today, enjoy the autumn weather and maybe treat myself to some goodies. I keep saying to myself I can’t keep my mind on him when he’s not stepping up. I’m not a priority for him (or at least I don’t feel that I am) but I am for me. I am good and kind and always thinking of others – now I have to think of me.

  201.  #201Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Turquoise you were recently writing as if you felt like the prize. I believe you have stopped. To me your words read like you are trying to convince yourself about something, not strategizing or tricking him to want you. I understand wanting to be around him because it feels good. The thing is so much time spent around him with no other men banging on your door I believe might not be inspirinng enough for him to crumble on himself and change his speech. His actions seem very good but he akso seems conflicted. I just believe you need more men who are really into you and put you first.

  202.  #202Annie on October 9, 2012 at 2:53 am


    You did ask but may not be what you want to hear.

    Roris advice if he says friends and you want more is take him at his word and get your energy out of their and CD.

  203.  #203Annie on October 9, 2012 at 2:53 am


  204.  #204Daria on October 9, 2012 at 3:01 am

    Oh no not another lady on BC 🙁


    Feeling low energy. Given up

  205.  #205Sirenity on October 9, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Turquoise..I feel caught up in your story and your wishing , hoping feelings…so I stepped back and looked at the dynamics.

    From the outside here is how it looks to me as an observer.

    You feel great with Mr C and you want him. It looks like you are in love with the “potential” of having a wonderful relationship with a man you feel good around.

    He likes you too but just doesnt want the relationship that YOU want.

    Whether he will one day be “available” or whether he will be regretful if you date others, what other people think about you bothe etc,… is all immaterial “smokescreen” really, the central theme seems to be that he is NOT stepping up to offer you the real genuine intimate loving relationship that you want.

    This leaves you with the choice between accepting the “half way there” and this “friendship” as it is on his terms, or to focus on you and what YOU want and going out and getting it.

    If you REALLY REALLY focus on dating others you wont be free to spend all this time with him and he will need to accept that.

    For me listening to this story I feel he is getting all he needs at the moment from you , support, companionship, a shoulder to lean on and no responsibility in return, and your needs are NOT being met.

    I feel anxious that he is comfortable as he is, and has no motivation to pursue you.

    I wonder if your feelings are best described as “friendship” or as more than that. I also wonder how you might feel if you strictly limit time with him , as you would with any friend. It seems like you are talking friendship but treating him as a boyfriend by being available constantly.

    I am concerned he has you firmly in the friend zone and that attraction for a man doesnt flourish while you act as the best FRIEND he ever had.

    Do you really need a male friend underfoot 24/7 and distracting you from finding a gorgeous hot, exciting lover who is desperately pursuing you?

    I would love to see you become a true Siren ,leaning back , focused on what you want, focused on getting the relationship you want , wiling to set aside a good man who isnt stepping up for you so that you can be adored by men who ARE able and available to love you in the most thrilling ways…hmmmm..

    Who knows which men will appear and step up!

  206.  #206Tam on October 9, 2012 at 3:10 am

    CDCuban called at 7:30pm yesterday to say he was ready. I was shocked, and had already eaten and there was no way I was going anywhere.
    I said in feeling messages that I don’t want last minute plans and would like to have a firm date. He then said ‘how long does it take you to get ready, I can be there in half hour?’
    We re-scheduled for today and I don’t wanna go. I don’t want to be picked up by him, don’t feel trusting, yet I can’t go anywhere as no car.
    How do Sirens handle that? He needs to pick me up but I have never met this guy before.
    Seems last minute plans are normal here.
    I feel so blah lately.
    And lonely.
    I question whether it is ever a good idea to have friendships with men one is dating and get into their social circle then to lose it all when things don’t work out. Guess that is life’s risk.
    When you are new to a country you are grateful to be in a social circle and don’t think about losing it again. Well, seems I have and I feel lonely.
    I have friends here but just a few and they are married and not available often.
    I need to figure out how to meet more people.

  207.  #207Sirenity on October 9, 2012 at 3:10 am

    Turquoise I will add that I was in a similar situation in the past where he kept telling me I was his closest friend. I chose to believe that meant that I offered him something essential to his long term happiness in the form of emotional intimacy and he couldnt help but step up as we were “meant” for each other.

    Instead i had to endure the humiliating, soul destroying trauma of being told he loved me but was not in love with me.

    Your situation may be different of course but leaning back from him and limiting contact to that of friendly occasional meetings with kids etc that doesnt “look like” boyfriend-girlfriend is the only way to find out.

    And no I wouldnt tell him . H knows.

  208.  #208Tam on October 9, 2012 at 3:15 am

    Perhaps I don’t really miss MrP but rather the feeling I had around him. He is like this safety inducing person exuding calm and I love that. And all the ‘taking me along’ everywhere, meeting interesting and nice people, and quirky ones…the kind of people I socialise with in Europe too. It felt good to have instant ‘on a wavelength’ friends without having to try an find them.
    I have trouble finding them amongst the general mass here…hm.
    Yeah, I had it easy. He spoon-fed me with nice people and good stuff. Haha!!
    I have two lasting friends from that, who will contact me independently of him and they are lovely but sadly live in another State and only come down here sometimes.
    I will try to join some meet-up clubs when I am back at my place.
    Good game plan. I need a game plan now.

  209.  #209LiliBee on October 9, 2012 at 3:18 am



    I don’t know.

    It all started to go downhill when he manipulated to hide something innocent out of fear I would freak out like I used to.
    I freaked out bc of his hiding things.
    It made me untrusting, and I started being in control mode to sooth my insecurity.
    That pushed him away and he started to hide behind being busy all the time.

    He finally stopped playing games and was open and honest about how he felt controlled and watched all the time.

    Instead of rehashing the past, I shared an FM about how it felt for me when he was open and honest like that.

    He said “We have to find a way to be together.”
    He felt very good about now knowing it can be safe to open up and be honest.

    He’s off thinking about how we can be together.

    I’m just leaning back letting him figure it out on his own.

    So far, communication has been the core trigger in our relationship.

    I remember Rori saying that men look to us to lead in communicating emotions and feelings.

    I am having major breakthroughs with that now.

    If that inspires him to find time to spend with me…Than I will see a future with him.

    In the meantime, I need to cd to keep busy to keep leaning back and not wait around for him.

  210.  #210Tam on October 9, 2012 at 3:20 am

    Sirenity, that feels sad. I have yet to understand the difference of ‘love’ and ‘being in love’ and all that.
    I guess men are really different.

  211.  #211Tam on October 9, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Emerson, I also don’t want to believe that we can only have a relationship when we are 100% perfect with our self esteem etc. I mean, who is?
    Aren’t we all needy from time to time, and very self assured and secure within ourselves sometimes?
    I feel different at different times.
    Right now I do feel needy and lonely….it’s true. But I have the resources within myself to change that hopefully.
    I believe as long as we don’t look to a man to fulfil all that, i e push up our self esteem and make us happy, then we are ok. I know it has to come from me.
    If, however, I would believe that only healed and super self confident women are able to have good relationships then I would feel hopeless.
    I think we all have issues, some more and some less.
    I don’t want to feel hopeless and having to be perfect.

  212.  #212Tam on October 9, 2012 at 3:34 am

    And maybe someone can comment on this:
    whenever I have felt very needy…men have said ‘oh you are sooo independent and have your life under control’
    which makes me think that I just built a bigger wall and did not let them in because they saw the opposite of what I felt.
    Maybe next time I will feel confident to say:
    ‘actually, I feel lonely and abandoned right now’
    I don’t think I ever spoke these words.
    I always pretend I am happy and jolly and ‘all will be fine’.
    I opened up once to MrP, and that was actually when things changed for the better.
    I can do it.
    But it is scary.

  213.  #213Tam on October 9, 2012 at 3:37 am

    I was an unwanted child, an accident. Perhaps we are born into this world with the knowledge what it feels like to be lonely and yet still be brave enough to come out into this world.
    If it wasn’t for modern medicine I wouldn’t be here. I feel grateful for that, but also wonder sometimes about what nature intended and how in previous generations, I would not be around now. Survival of the fittest, mentally and body-wise.

  214.  #214Tam on October 9, 2012 at 3:50 am

    I feel better now, and grateful for my life 🙂

  215.  #215Heart on October 9, 2012 at 4:04 am

    omg I feel sad….

  216.  #216Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 4:05 am

    If he is not in front of you he does not exist

  217.  #217Heart on October 9, 2012 at 4:08 am

    I miss CudG

    I hate you Cud G
    Just go away and leave me alone then!
    My little girl is feeling sulky…
    I want to comfort her but she does not want be comforted…

  218.  #218Tam on October 9, 2012 at 4:10 am


  219.  #219Sirenity on October 9, 2012 at 4:10 am

    Tam , I didnt understand the difference for a long time.
    I even said to him that to me loving a man and being “in love’ with him were the same thing!

    I now sort of understand it better. It took a long time for me to really understand the difference which for him was obvious. “Love” was a bond of understanding and respect , but “in love’ was an intense chemical rush and heightened sense of masculinity a siren can inspire.

    I understand that men can feel “a connection” which is best called perhaps “loving friendship”, and that this is totally different from feeling attraction for someone and thinking about them a lot and feeling your heart turn over when they are around etcetera..this I will call ” in love” and its a feeling men seek long and hard to find. They long to be feel like a Knight winning the favour of a rare woman.

    Sex can be , and often is entirely separate to either of these feelings and is more like a hunger to be satisfied for men it seems.

    Meanwhile for me as a woman being ” in love ” with a man incorporates loving friendship , attraction and excitement and a deep contentment being with them and sex binds it all together and cements the bond into a deep feeling of “love” for them. If I love a man I am in lover with him too and it is all connected.

    I think putting oneself in the friend zone kills off “in love ” feelings and turns it into just “Love”.

    wow that sounds comlicated…maybe someone can explain it better?

  220.  #220Tam on October 9, 2012 at 4:11 am

    Been CDng for nearly 3 years…tired, judgmental and a little fed up. I will shift this.

  221.  #221Sirenity on October 9, 2012 at 4:13 am

    If he is in front of you but not stepping up then step around and move on!!

  222.  #222Tam on October 9, 2012 at 4:15 am

    Sirenity, no it does make complete sense, yes, I did kind of know that.
    I feel sad that the view of friendship in a relationship, is that which comes once the ‘in love’ has died…I want to have it all…and remember having it all also.
    I feel resistant to this view.
    But I know men are different.
    Yes, they long to win the prize and the ideal woman in their head…that feel like I am not that woman and I need to be careful not to let this play on my self-esteem.

  223.  #223Heart on October 9, 2012 at 4:17 am

    My inner teenager does not want to see him as a teacher.
    She does not want to find the message or the lesson.
    She is phucking tired of that!
    She just wants to cry and throw things.

  224.  #224Daria on October 9, 2012 at 4:21 am

    When I say ‘I believe in you’ to myself I feel truggered, sad and overwhelmed n almost crying. A lil rage too

  225.  #225Turquoise on October 9, 2012 at 4:30 am

    Thank you to ALL the sirens who have commented on my posts. Heart, I did get a little defensive, but that was wayyyyyy less than I normally would. I really am learning to work through my triggered feelings. I still explain myself a lot, but do want to be understood. I have to take my daughter to school, but will write more when I get back.

    Sirenity and FW, that all made a lot of sense. And he is right in front of me, so I’m going to have to go around. Cheer ends this week, so we won’t have that “excuse” to spend so much time together. You are completely right about all the smoke screen stuff…. very good points.

    I wasn’t feeling so confused until I heard about those two couples broke up. That really threw me… and then I felt like I should make the best of this while it lasted, because nothing does.

  226.  #226Daria on October 9, 2012 at 4:32 am

    If I believe in myself I get this image of being so huge!

    I intend to believe in myself

  227.  #227LoveAlways on October 9, 2012 at 4:55 am

    Good Morning Sirens!

    I just transitioned to a new level of connection with HScd. I’m in my feminine energy and in my power now. What he does going forward is up to me. I’m in official lean back position and it feels so right.


  228.  #228Tam on October 9, 2012 at 4:57 am

    I feel like leaning back totally, from all dating and just doing a mad bash on my jobs and ‘other life’. I don’t know.
    Feeling fed up.
    I want to go into my shell and sulk a bit.

  229.  #229Turquoise on October 9, 2012 at 5:03 am

    Holy jeepers it’s cold and foggy out this morning! Wow!

    Daria, I know you are against birth control pills and I’m sorry that triggered you. I haven’t been on them much in my life, but have never had any side effects except positive ones. My skin clears up, my pms symptoms greatly lessen, I feel way more sireny with clear skin and stable emotions. Plus, the added security against pregnancy, will make me feel much more secure in a future sexual relationship. Getting std screened and knowing I’m fine, feels like I won the lottery! I haven’t had a lot of partners recently, but only takes one and I’ve felt worried you can have something and not even know it. So, big relief there.

    I went shopping Saturday and bought 2 new tops, 2 jackets, a few pretty candles, 2 new bed pillows, and some really sexy, but unrealistic brown boots, all which made me feel sireny and were for me. The boots are sooo sexy. Very high heels, lace up and have fur cuffs. I love them, just hard to walk in. 🙂

    So, the plan for my life, be open to anything. Mr. C. says that all the time. He’s open to anything and while I try to be, doesn’t always work that way for me. I’m opening myself up to the possibility of new men in my life. I’m opening myself up to being alone if that feels better. I’m opening myself up to my hobbies again. I love to read and take pictures. It’s so gorgeous here with all the leaves changing. I want photos of that, and drove through a very inspirational place the other day, want to go back there. Unfortunately, I”m realizing my hobbies are things that I do alone. Book clubs sound boring to me, but a photography meet up or group would be really fun. I’m going to look into that.

    About Mr. C….. being less available will make a big difference. You are right, I wouldn’t spend this much time with just a friend. We have become a pretend couple…. looks like it on the outside, feels like it sometimes, but little romance and no commitment. Not what I want. SO, not throwing that away, not that many awesome people in my life, that treat me this way, but I have to let go of my grip and fear of losing him or that this could be enough.

    The difference between loving someone and being in love, that’s us. We truly care about each other, but mine tips more towards being in love and wanting a future. He wants me in his future too, but it’s not the same.

    Off to start my day, live my life and be open to anything. Thanks for helping me work through this sirens. I knew this all along, just needed to talk it through.

  230.  #230Turquoise on October 9, 2012 at 5:07 am

    (((Tam))) We can do this. It’s going to be ok!

  231.  #231Turquoise on October 9, 2012 at 5:11 am

    And I was going to pass on my sorority reunion Saturday because I was going to miss the early part of it, but heading up for the evening and looking forward to seeing old friends who knew me when I was MUCH more sireny~ Maybe sharing those old stories and memories will inspire me to change my ways a bit. I feel more excited about it now. Open to anything right?

  232.  #232Tam on October 9, 2012 at 5:12 am

    230 Turquoise..yes we can.
    Sigh. yes, we can.
    I don’t forget how nice it is to have someone to care for and who cares about me. I hold onto that. It’s fine, it happened before and it can happen again.
    Meanwhile I am looking after me very well.

  233.  #233Turquoise on October 9, 2012 at 5:16 am

    You know it’s funny about our vibe, yesterday I was out of sorts, not sure what to do or say and feeling emotional. I didn’t hear from him which is extremely rare. This morning I feel clear and in control, and he texted me.

  234.  #234Tam on October 9, 2012 at 5:20 am

    yes, the vibe. mine is totally off.

  235.  #235Butterfly Wings on October 9, 2012 at 5:22 am

    170 LiliBee – I’ve not spoken to her in a few weeks actually. Will definitely have to arrange something with her while TH is away though for sure – go on a proper night out! 😉

  236.  #236Butterfly Wings on October 9, 2012 at 5:30 am

    What a day. First I had the icky feelings about TH this morning, then I received a call from my eldest daughter in tears because her father had been yelling and swearing at her (she’s now moving back with me and only seeing him in the holidays – yay!), then tonight TH invited himself over, we went to gym together, then he cooked me an amazing dinner and everything was WONDERFUL!

    I feel so confused. How can things go from so low to so high so quickly??

    There is obviously still some seriously weird stuff going on with my head after coming off that BCP. I have heard of women 9-12 months later who are still having issues. I hope mine clear up soon…

  237.  #237Butterfly Wings on October 9, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Oh and I had to postpone my CD tonight too, because we weren’t sure how my ex would be with my daughter tonight and I wanted to make sure I was available to go and get her if things got too heated.

    She’s told me she wants to stay till the end of the month. Then she wants to break the news to him once she’s safely back at home with me.

    The relief I feel is unbelievable.

  238.  #238Tam on October 9, 2012 at 5:33 am

    I feel like everything is ‘testing’ me at the moment.
    I just saw photos of my best bf ever, in my 20’s and his new wife…looking so happy.
    I am really happy for them, him particularly. He is such a wonderful man. I did wonder ‘what if’….we had the perfect relationship and I was stupid and young and took a job in another place and neither of us was willing to move and I thought ‘ok, well, I can find someone like him again for sure’. It was a very sad break-up, for both of us and we have remained friends ever since, never anything bad or nasty going on.
    And I did realise withing a few years of the break-up that no, it is not easy finding such a good man, who was so totally in love with me and put me on a huge pedestal, and whose eyes would light up everytime I walked into a room..who would say ‘you are gorgeous’ with such conviction…he really did love me. And I loved him too.
    Never found anything comparable since. Maybe I won’t, it was another time in my life.
    Seeing those pictures today made me feel bitter sweet.
    I wouldn’t want him back now, just reminiscing.

  239.  #239Heart on October 9, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Turquoise – *hugs …btw I wrote u seemed fearful not needy
    excuse me while I go on a pinefest sob story now…

    Omg….what if CudG is seeing someone else….he must be 🙁
    omg I feeel so hurt
    I feel so sad….
    I feel a sick feeling in my gut
    and a stone in my chest
    I feel foolish – that’s what you get for thinking someone could actually want you…
    I feel ugly…
    I fee like crying
    I feel lonely and hopeless and in need of companionship…
    I want to someone to hold me after a long day…

    I feel angry at myself for attracting Men who can’t row…
    I feel like I want a man that can not just row but Captain the ship!
    I feel good Wanting that!
    I feel thirsty…

  240.  #240Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 5:40 am

    RE 235 BW sorry but this suggests “losing yourself in the relationship” to me.

  241.  #241Butterfly Wings on October 9, 2012 at 5:43 am

    I agree FW. I think him going away couldn’t be timed any better. It will do us a LOT of good – me in particular!

  242.  #242Belle on October 9, 2012 at 5:50 am

    Yesterday S and I were horseplaying in the office and, out of character for me, I smacked him on the shoulder.
    I was feeling so happy and playful and then a few seconds later I sat down and felt waves of terror and shame wash over me
    shame for hitting him
    terror at the scene that unfolded (i’m getting really good at seeing the pictures my mind generates that cause fear)
    as I imagined C retaliating and punching me in the head
    because “fair’s fair, if a woman can hit a man, a man can hit a woman”

    Why would I imagine C hitting me, when S and I were the one’s playing?
    Oh..it’s because he’s black..it’s not him, it’s the symbolism of “dark”, the “shadow”, what he triggers in me
    got it

    I feel on the verge of a breakthrough with self-punishment and violence
    I feel excited now that I typed this out and I can dialogue with this aspect of myself
    I feel relieved

  243.  #243Heart on October 9, 2012 at 5:57 am

    Sirens – I feel bad and need your advice..I know your not psychic but has CudG lost interest…is he gone…is he trying to show me he can’t do relationship?

    What do u think?

  244.  #244Tam on October 9, 2012 at 6:04 am

    243 Heart, no way.
    He is a man and does what he wants.
    CD, slather on the love….all will be good.

  245.  #245Tam on October 9, 2012 at 6:07 am

    sorry, I misread, Heart, I thought you said show you that ‘you’ can’t do relationship..eeek.
    Well, he might or might not be able to do relationship, who knows….

  246.  #246Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Heart all I have to say is I got an email today which said we all have about 65,000 thoughts per day. 80% of these are negative and the reason why our lives are the way they are.

  247.  #247Tam on October 9, 2012 at 6:16 am

    246 FW, OMG, what an eye opener. I completely believe it. I intend to change my thoughts.
    Thank you.

  248.  #248Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Yep – A man would rather see your “weakness” break through Authentically than tolerate your “bitc!hiness” – but he’d also rather have you be “bit!chy” than for you to PRETEND.

    In other words, he’d rather be around feelings than artificial composure.

    He’ll be willing to put up with “bitc!hiness” for awhile. It’ll be more interesting to him than a “pretending” woman – at first, but then it’ll wear him down and he’ll withdraw.

    The only way to keep a man’s interest, devotion, love and commitment – forever – is to allow all your feelings (including the ones you think show “weakness”) to come out authentically. To be expressed in WORDS that do no harm, and yet let HIM feel YOU while you’re feeling your feelings.

    It doesn’t matter what he feels about your specific feelings. He’s just simply drawn in by your ABILITY to feel.

    Sounds pretty scary, doesn’t it? Well, it is. If it wasn’t scary, we would’ve done it years ago, because it WORKS with men.

    We just were never taught the WORDS to use that make all the difference between “bitc!h” language and “girl” language. Before I give you my take on this, I want you to do this:

    Watch your own words, and how what you say and what you FEEL are connected. See if you can catch yourself smiling when you feel angry, or laughing when you feel like crying.

    See how you are when you feel irritated, but you don’t want to let anyone see it.

    Love, Rori

  249.  #249Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:24 am

    I love my sadness.

  250.  #250Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:26 am

    When I feel irritated but don’t want pol to see it – like w mom – I act all nice and giving and overfunction


  251.  #251Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:29 am

    FW – thanks for posting! Oh I just Got it! Yeahh

  252.  #252LiliBee on October 9, 2012 at 6:30 am



    Thanks for that reminder about LOA.
    Going around in circles with NVs, putting ‘what if’s’ in my head about my future.
    I need to get myself back to positive.

  253.  #253Tam on October 9, 2012 at 6:47 am

    I feel like just poofing on CDCuban. I know, it would be so immature but they do it to us also.
    I just can’t be bothered with the hassle. I feel lazy to arrange something.
    I feel unsafe being picked up.
    I feel exhausted having to worry about what to do as he keeps asking me.
    I just want to be left alone for the moment, or go out with those I feel safe being picked up from.

  254.  #254Goddess Lily on October 9, 2012 at 6:49 am


    Those are the lying gremlin voices. You know this. Negative stories you are telling yourself. You have the power to choose. Choose trust. Choose to not assume the worst without some clear facts. Choose yourself.

  255.  #255Tam on October 9, 2012 at 6:50 am

    It all feels too much. I can’t even get showered after work and get ready for dates because MrNap is occupying my room sometimes till past 6pm…and I am not able to get to the shower.
    It all feels hard work right now….only 3 1/2 weeks more of this. I feel like i am constantly running.
    Can’t wait to be in my own place and stop the running.

  256.  #256Tam on October 9, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Actually, interestingly though, MrNap has been thawing a little and seems more comfy now. Not sure that’s a good thing but there is no tension..at first it felt tense staying in what is actually his mancave, where he escapes to from the marital home shared with my friend.
    So in a way I am privileged to live in a man cave right now. ha!!

  257.  #257Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Tam can’t ypu just ask him to excuse you because you need to take a shower. Believe me I would do it every day at the same time until he gets the message. Tell him it will allow you to be out of his way sooner than later because you will be going out.

    Maybe he really doesn’t want you there and this is his way of frustrating you.

  258.  #258Heart on October 9, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Tam, FW & Goddess Lily….thank you Sirens….I feel cared for…

  259.  #259Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 6:58 am

    I see Tam

  260.  #260Tam on October 9, 2012 at 7:07 am

    FW, problem being he is asleep at that time…so I’d have to storm in and wake him. Hm.

  261.  #261Tam on October 9, 2012 at 7:12 am

    257…FW…he has started to chat to me, opened up and is being reasonably respectful, i e asking me ‘do you mind’ and so on.
    I think he has started to enjoy me there a little even, I might be wrong.
    I am now trying to see this as a learning experiment. Survival in the mancave. It makes me feel smiley if I think about it like this. I mean, which woman is allowed to get into a mancave?
    I must be honest though, if I wasn’t fearing getting stuck on MrP by going to stay at his place, I’d have asked him already to come and fetch me.
    I feel strong right now….but not sure how long for.

  262.  #262Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Love Note of the Week:

    Choosing love means rising above your ego and your stories.

    “Our ego can get in the way of love in so many ways: needing to be right, keeping score, taking things personally. When we choose love, we choose to rise above these ego desires. It can be a bumpy road at times and requires patience and compassion. It will reward you exponentially with increased harmony, peace, joy, and love. How can you make a choice today to put your ego aside and choose love?”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  263.  #263Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Interesting take, just that I guess it would not work with online dating.

    So, what will work to make a guy ask you out?

    When you’re talking with a new guy for the very first time, you must do 2 things, and two things only:

    #1: SHORT, and SWEET

    Here’s the best way to get a guy to ask you out — keep your conversation short. 5 minutes tops. No more. Your goal is to leave a good impression as soon as you can!

    And of course, it’ll help if you can make that 5-minute conversation a little sweeter, a little sexier, and a little more enticing.

    Then you ask to leave — to get back to work, to get back to your friends, or to get back to the bar to get another drink.

    That way, he’ll want to get more of you by asking you out. And if you did things right, he’s going to ask for your number before you go.

    By the way, this GREAT tip works pretty well in bars, parties, and other social gatherings. With practice, you could talk to 10 new single guys in the space of an hour — and I’m pretty sure many of them will be asking for your number.

    If he doesn’t ask for your number, well, it’s his loss. And honestly, you’re not sure if you can fit him into your busy schedule to start with anyway, Ms. Social Butterfly 🙂

    #2: Don’t Give Him Your Phone Number

    If he DOES ask for your number, don’t give him your phone number. Instead, give him your E-MAIL address.

    It’s going to offend the wussies, jocks, and “little boys” in the crowd, but that’s their problem, not yours!

    REAL men — those few men mature enough to handle SERIOUS relationships — totally won’t mind.

    It also will really get a high quality man’s attention. Because you’re throwing him a little challenge and hinting at him that he needs to prove himself, in order to get your phone number.

    So, just be cute and nice by saying something like this: “I don’t give my phone number out to someone I just met, but I can give you my email address.” Then, wait for him to get a pen to write it down.

    Remember, let him do the work. If he’s too lazy to even get a pen for you, how do you think he will do as a dad one day who has to hold a baby?

    This is a powerful technique that will screen out the insecure “little boys” and totally get the attention of the “catch.” A girlfriend of mine used this technique to get a millionaire, who later proposed to her. It works!

    To the happiness you deserve,
    ~Alexandra Fox

  264.  #264bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 7:38 am

    yesterday i was being so weird but i just decided “those stories are lame” so i felt instantly better & then everything unfolded like out of my mind into the world. very yummy. feeling dizzy today & concerned, but – don’t crunch your eyebrows ! – let’s just play, ok ?? lol (((me)))

  265.  #265Tam on October 9, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Oh I love this:
    ‘Remember, let him do the work. If he’s too lazy to even get a pen for you, how do you think he will do as a dad one day who has to hold a baby? ‘

    I can extend this infinitely:
    – if he’s too lazy to pick you up….how do you think he will do…babies, housework, showing you appreciation etc etc
    – if he is too lazy to call you….how do you think he will do…
    – if he is too busy to take time for you now…how do you think he will do..

    So true.

  266.  #266MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Before I keep scrolling…

    I don’t believe we have to be completely self assured and have 100% self esteem to find a good man and have a good relationship with him. However, we DO have to have at least taken that first step on the road to loving ourselves, and we have to be prepared for some trial and error. I was not where I am today when I met G 2 years ago…Far from it. But I would say that may be a good thing. No a GREAT thing. Because I found a man who was more than willing to walk through it with me. At times even coming close to forcing me to walk through it with him when I was shutting down, running away, shutting myself in. And at times I even fought it, felt like flailing and kicking and shouting “How dare you fight for me so hard? Leave me alone!”. How rediculous…But in the long run this is good because now I know exactly who he his, how he handles the rough patches. He knows exactly who I am and that even at my worst it’s nothing more than a little dirt off his shoulder. And instead of spiraling down and fading away the relationship is on a steady climb and only getting better.

    PS. We started as FWB. But it was on my terms. Well…Both our terms, but at the heart of it I was the one who did not yet want to commit to anyone. I have a feeling he was fully ready but just “going along” with it. Way way back I remember my mom saying “Wow…He loves you! Be careful…You could break his heart.” and I said “We’re just friends mom he doesn’t love me.” And she said “That’s what you think…”.

    Meh. Getting off topic. Feeling reminiscent.

  267.  #267Tam on October 9, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Miss Stix, that is the key I believe…if we are the ones who are less interested in a commitment than he is. That’s when things work out. When he has to hang in there, fight for us, or whatever.
    I never had them work out any other way.
    That gives me lots to think about.

  268.  #268Goddess Lily on October 9, 2012 at 7:45 am

    263-I feel kinda bored with email. I’m much better with texting. So would I then just offer this extremely temporarily?

  269.  #269Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Interesting from Carol Allen

    Taking rejection personally and thinking it means something negative about you is what I call, “Making it up.”

    This is what so many of us do when life doesn’t go our way. We “make up” the reason we didn’t get what we wanted, focusing on all the things we perceive are wrong with us.

    “It’s because I’m too old… I’m too fat… his last girlfriend was blonde and I’m a brunette… I don’t make enough money…”

    I’ve had women “make it up” to me about things the rest of us would think were good things! Things like:

    “It’s because I’m too successful… I’m better looking than he’s used to dating… I shouldn’t have told him I own my home… Our chemistry was so HOT it scared him…”

    These positive assumptions are every bit as damaging to your psyche as your NEGATIVE excuses.

    Trying to BLAME the rejection you’ve faced on something about you, something good OR bad, is part of what’s keeping you from enjoying dating.

    Too much pressure is on YOU!

    This is part of why you’re not good at playing the “numbers game” of love. You’re not treating the pursuit of love like a GAME at all.

    It’s become far more serious than that – so serious in fact, that it’s practically life and death, full of “humiliation” and pain.

    This weight that you feel, this incredible burden, is part of what you show up with on dates. And I PROMISE you your dates can feel it.

    They feel the crushing weight of that baggage and it’s making men turn on their heel and go in the opposite direction – QUICKLY.

    If you continue to be rejected (’cause life is full of rejection for all of us!), don’t MAKE UP a story for why it happened… and don’t make it all about YOU!

    TRUST that it wasn’t meant to be and tell yourself one word: NEXT!

    You’re ONE BOZO CLOSER to your vision!

  270.  #270Iamabutterfly on October 9, 2012 at 7:57 am

    I feel amazing. Great post, Rori, thanks.

    I’ve noticed that I’m listening less and less to ANY negative feedback, advice, or anything I’ve been getting, and more and more to my instincts, my feelings, and making my own decisions.

    I don’t need anybody else’s feedback to make a decision. I think it’s wise to seek counsel from the more experienced, but the decision is ultimately MINE, because I am the only one actually experiencing my experience.

    It feels so soothing and quietly powerful to finally trust MYSELF. I wish I had started doing it a long time ago!

    “We can honor every human being, even a man who doesn’t want what we want, or doesn’t want to do what we want – or we can rail at him and the universe for the “injustice” of it all.”

    I feel like that was written for me. Railing at him and the universe for the “injustice” of it all!

    No more!

    I feel gratitude for absolutely everything in my life, and from now on, any “injustice” that I sense, I will take the power that I have and use it to make positive changes in my life and in the lives of others.

    I feel aglow, hopeful, and curious about what life has in store for me!

  271.  #271MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 7:59 am


    In my opinion if he has not contacted you in this long he has lost interest.

    That does not mean you can not gain it back…But that would require a concerted effort on your part. Do you want to make an effort for this man? Any man? My memory is fuzzy…Is this the man you kind of “bailed” on? If it is I would be inclined to say you probably don’t. But only you know that.

  272.  #272Iamabutterfly on October 9, 2012 at 7:59 am

    @266 Miss Stix – “And at times I even fought it, felt like flailing and kicking and shouting “How dare you fight for me so hard? Leave me alone!”. How rediculous…But in the long run this is good because now I know exactly who he his, how he handles the rough patches. He knows exactly who I am and that even at my worst it’s nothing more than a little dirt off his shoulder. And instead of spiraling down and fading away the relationship is on a steady climb and only getting better.”

    I feel so moved by this!

  273.  #273MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:21 am


    I didn’t know it fully at the time but I agree! Even the most drop down dead gorgeous woman can look like a needy little mouse to a man if she desperately chases him. And the most mousy girl can become a glorious goddess if she puts gerself first, knows her boundaries, is sure that she’s the prize, and simply allows him to chase her. Or even fights it a little.

    Ok…Looking back I did a lot of things wrong. A LOT. But the one constant was my way or the highway. To put it really bluntly. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t kind, generous, affectionate…But I have never “put up and shut up” about anything I felt strongly about.

  274.  #274Starla on October 9, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Girls, do NOT hide your boundaries or be ashamed of them. I went for sushi with Warrior last night, our first date since I laid down the ‘walk me to the door’ and ‘no texting’ law, and at dinner he started talking about how he wants us to make more room for each other in our lives, and started inviting me to a new yoga studio and to his gym so we could “have a place to do these things together” instead of always being so busy with our own exercise schedules that we never see each other…..

    and girls, i straight up told him i didn’t know how i felt about that. that i like spending time with him but i am not feeling that sense of adoration and specialness i need to feel from a man to move forward in any capacity, and that it’s a major wall for me right now.

    then he tried to negotiate the seeing me to my door thing like a bratty kid again. it’s kind of cute, but not exactly turning me on, lol. if he does it next time, i will say ‘then go. no, i don’t want to hug and kiss here in front of my building. go then if it bothers you that much.’

    and stomp off:P.

    because i’m realizing something. i thought that my feelings and boundaries were causing problems in my relationships. they’re not. what causes the problem is my lack of confidence around them, my fear that i’m not worthy of them… my fear they’re going to leave. sometimes i’d even apologize for my boundaries.

    and that caused all the problems. this is why CF couldn’t handle me… it wasn’t that i had boundaries.. it’s that my own lack of confidence in them put a lot of pressure on him. and my squarely energy around it was really off-putting.

  275.  #275MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:24 am


    Sweet! 🙂

    Dunno if i’d advise anyone to do it the way we did…It was, and still is, tumultuous. Not “perfect” not always happy feelings…But it seems to work naturally, and we both get to be with someone we trust.

  276.  #276Starla on October 9, 2012 at 8:24 am

    i was so scared he would lose interest or get mad or think i’m ignoring him if i didn’t give in to the texting thing, or if i said he had to walk me to the door, etc.

    but instead he came back stronger, expressing desire for a closer relationship with me.

  277.  #277Tam on October 9, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Starla, I believe that was/is also my issue:

    ‘i thought that my feelings and boundaries were causing problems in my relationships. they’re not. what causes the problem is my lack of confidence around them, my fear that i’m not worthy of them… my fear they’re going to leave. sometimes i’d even apologize for my boundaries.

    and that caused all the problems. this is why CF couldn’t handle me… it wasn’t that i had boundaries.. it’s that my own lack of confidence in them put a lot of pressure on him.’

    I have fear around my boundaries and feel they can crumble any time if I like a man very much. I have often said one thing and then have been coerced into doing another – which of course is confusing to a man. I will forgive myself but need to heal this. Thank you Starla.

  278.  #278Tam on October 9, 2012 at 8:32 am

    the men who do run away from the boundaries are those that couldn’t go the long haul anyway…as is demonstrated by me right now.
    Pushing boundaries, grumbling, disappearing.
    So turned off.

  279.  #279bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 8:36 am

    “utopian futures” kimya dawson

    Somewhere the bombing all has stopped
    And people begin to sit and talk
    And somewhere insomniatic stockbrokers can rest their bloodshot eyes
    Cuz there’s nothing left to buy or sell or kill or die for anymore
    We’re living inside eternal moments that we’ve searched all our lives
    There’s nobody living by the clock and every door is left unlocked
    Cuz property died all alone and capitalism lost it’s home
    There’s plenty of fresh air here in town
    The plants are all growing on the cars
    And all of the streets are used for dancing and at night you see all the stars

    Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada

    We’re searching for something that was lost
    And centuries all have covered up
    We’re flailing to find the smallest fragments of our liberated lives
    And every tiny piece we find we pick up and glue together
    Collectively working for our utopian futures to collide
    In snuggly beds and midnight talks
    And wandering bike rides and wayward walks
    Making up all of our own music, art, myth, food, and news
    It’s happening everywhere we go
    Collective bookstores and basement shows
    Sharing a song that we all know or making up new ones as we go

    Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada

    I am a dream, this is real
    I am a dream, you are here
    I am a dream, you are me
    I am a dream we are free
    I am a dream, this is real
    I am a dream, you are here
    I am a dream, you are me
    I am a dream we are free

    Now can’t you feel the ice caps grow
    Now can’t you hear the forest laugh
    At piles of nicely packaged toothpicks all in processed warehouse rows
    Cuz the only processing we do now is with one another in our homes
    With people we’ll fight, fxck, laugh, and cry with until the day we die
    Here where we share all that we’ve won
    Here where we grieve for what is lost
    Here where the children grow with names they chose and genders all their own
    Here where we celebrate each other
    Here where you’ve never had a boss
    Here where we sing like restless kids with half chewed food inside our mouths

    Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada Yada dada deeya yada dadada Yada dada dada dada

    Here in the place outside the box there are no more
    borders left to cross
    From each according to ability and to each based on need
    Here in the place where dreams aren’t dead
    Here in the space between our heads

  280.  #280MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:38 am

    I realized I lied there. “I have never ‘put up and shut up’…”

    I have. Recently. I tried to do this with his temper recently. Because there has been a lot of advice around this issue recently. And yes, shifting my focus was “working” in the sense that I was dealing better with myself when he was angry. And I needed that really badly! I needed to do it for me. But honestly…It did not stop him from venting his anger onto me. I think it got steadily worse. There cam a point where I had to speak out, I could not contain it anymore! And I shouted back after 25 minutes of being yelled at about HIS job. I think it may have been the biggest fight yet…I had no question in my mind I was leaving, and putting up a POF that night. Done-dy. I was ready…But my speaking up sparked his realization of how he’d been lately. It sparked a lot of talking…Mending.


    The boundaries are incredibly important. Because most humans will get away with whatever they can. Doesn’t mean they’re bad people, and some push it more than others, some don’t care at all. But many will respect other people’s boundaries if the person is firm, and un-questioning.

  281.  #281MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Holy… I am repetitive in the morning 🙂

  282.  #282Belle on October 9, 2012 at 8:47 am

    I feel different
    Today I was playing dominos with C and got really goofy and childish and blew a raspberry at him…not something I’d ever usually do and especially noticed how “out of control” I felt, but not in a scary way, in a “just being me” kind of way
    S teased me with one of the other guys about “don’t shake her chair! She’ll hit you!” and I felt a tiny bit unsettled…”is this okay? Am I getting a rep? Is this bad? Are they going to think I’m some scary person? He even remembered that??” while at the same time feeling peaceful, and relaxed and breathing through the thoughts and feelings, feeling only a tiny flutter of defensiveness, which wasn’t painful like it has been in the past.

    Then in our meeting my mind wandered and I was asked a question and I responded, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening, ask me again?” without even a hit of feeling ashamed or peevish or embarrassed and nobody batted an eye.

  283.  #283Heart on October 9, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Miss Stix – Thank u for the feedback. I feel good reading your post…I like the Certainty. It makes m feel sad but resolved…like an exhale – with tears!

    Ouch@bailed on….Ok yes it’s the guy I “bailed (He didnt confirm Ms Stix!) on…Um.No I feel zero desire to chase this man and convince him of anything. Leaning forward in any way makes me feel Icky….of course sometimes i feel a rising panic when I sense a ship is sailing by leaving me But I don’t fel a real desire to Do anything other than come on here and xpress my emotions (knock on wood). I feel proud of myself for that… I’ve let 2 men I felt hung up on just go….I know I’m better off for it.

  284.  #284Heart on October 9, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Tam – *hug…

  285.  #285MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:52 am


    I feel so sad reading. Burning nose and eyes, but un-shed tears. So much longing, all my life, for fire light, starry nights with ghostly shadows and days full of farming my own food. Sustaining my own life. Bartering things I grow and create. Yet I am so resistant to this possibility. Where we are all equal, fed, loved, free. My brain tells me there will always be poverty. Perfection is not possible. And now I remember some kind of interview on tv on one of those religious networks…The title caught my eye “There is only poverty because we believe there has to be poverty.”.

  286.  #286MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:59 am


    Excellent. I know I took a little liberty kickin you in the butt with the word “bailed”. But I had a vague memory of complaints of this man, and it’s positive to not get caught up in the longing and remember some of why we were losing interest in the first place. I saw you losing interest. When I saw you ask what we thought, the first thing that came to my mind was to remind you. I respect your process, no worries there <3

  287.  #287LiliBee on October 9, 2012 at 9:02 am



    This really inspires me this morning.

    It makes me see how we can create a lack of integrity.

  288.  #288Heart on October 9, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Miss Stix -a little Part of me finds the ‘Bailed’ thing a little funny because I’m visualizing myself jumping and my horse ad galloping away at full speed and that’s a funny image to conjur…but I feel guilty to verbalise it..

    Please don’t apologise for the input and please don’t be afraid to step on my toes. 😛

  289.  #289MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 9:10 am

    That’s a great image heart! I will add to it my own…Of the right man grabbing onto the saddle and hauling himself up if need be 🙂

  290.  #290Heart on October 9, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Miss Stix – wow…that’s sexy!

  291.  #291MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 9:15 am

    lol omg I do kind of live my life in the pages of a romance novel :pAnd it is possible if you remember the heroine usually frustrates the sh1t out of the hero 🙂 In the ones I like anyway… Hot tempered, passionate, free flying, independant woman being chased and won over by the stubborn, no BS man with a heart of gold.

  292.  #292Heart on October 9, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Miss Stix – with a heart of gold and some killer Abs if you please…^_^

  293.  #293Starla on October 9, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Dear men,
    I am the queen bee. And I’m very nice about it. So it’s all good.

  294.  #294bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 9:26 am

    miss stix, me too. i wanna whisper. i feel gangly & awkwardly loud haha : ) hmhmhm humminghumming lol : )

  295.  #295Miss Bells on October 9, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Sometimes it feels like I have been tumbled dry.
    HS has agreed to stop contacting OW online or off.
    And….we are lovers once more.

    But I won’t be moving back in without a ring and a new name.

    He wants me to buy half his business at a very good price-making us partners. I am fine with business being business and romance being romance.

    I can’t exactly say how this happened, but I was completely willing to walk away, I did walk away, and I will walk away again if the rubber-band starts snapping again.

    The reason I was willing to try again with him is that I have not been authentic in sharing my feelings during the bad times. I have done great during the good times, but when he would withdraw i would withdraw even further. i never said I was in love with him. When he backed off I left and went to the east coast for a month. I am sure that he believed–up to a point–that he was not bending anything too out of shape. He mentioned that I was also on Match etc., and had my singles group. I told him why I was there and that I was entirely willing to get off.

    This time I won’t step over anything.

    As for the living together thing–I told him that I NEVER wanted to be the HOUSEMATE again, and at this point I wouldn’t ever live with a man again without marriage. Nothing personal.

    I told him I want to be the Queen, to be adored. He grimaced a little. I said–that makes YOU the king!

    I got hung up waiting for the mail at his house. My check is coming very soon. Finally I could see it was not going to come before I had to leave.

    He said, by way of saying good-bye–“I Adoorre you. But it didn’t sound believable. I want to use a feeling message to fine tune this.

    I said–I just want to feel special.

    Something like “It is not that I want to hear fake or strained adoration. What I really want is clear true messages from your heart. I would like to hear an ‘I love you’ when it is true, and to say it back. And introduce each other as being in a relationship–you know–this is my girlfriend Miss Bells. That would feel good. Maybe even change our Facebook status. What do you think?

    This is a real turning point for us as we approach the 5th anniversary of becoming lovers.

    I am going to wait till he calls then say my speech.

  296.  #296MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 9:33 am


    🙂 sure! If YOU please…

    Mine has a little belly…But I like bellies 🙂 yum

  297.  #297Emerson on October 9, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Thanks Tam for your comments to me! I have also had men tell me “you’re so independent and have all your ducks in a row!” when I’ve felt the opposite!!! Interesting.

    Daria what is BC!??

  298.  #298Heart on October 9, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Awwwr Miss Stix …love handles…

  299.  #299Heart on October 9, 2012 at 9:42 am


  300.  #300Starla on October 9, 2012 at 9:43 am

    i am really in a bad mood today and i give myself permission to indulge in that sh*t lol

  301.  #301LiliBee on October 9, 2012 at 9:43 am

    I’m feeling alot of action oriented boy energy.

    I am chanelling that energy into my work
    I feel like ‘enough, let’s get things done already’.

    I have gotten alot done for myself in this energy.

  302.  #302LiliBee on October 9, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Me too Starla,

    I am feeling impatient, and want things to move ahead.
    Making my work move ahead today.
    Haven’t had this productive energy in a while.
    I fee alive and kickin’ eventhough I feel impatient 🙂

  303.  #303Daria on October 9, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Goddess Lily – I feel triggered by that excerpt. I would not offer my email instead, personally. I feel much more warm and powerful with Rori writings than some other people’s.

    If I really didn’t feel comfortable giving out my number to people, I would use that. But I do. Actually I’m going to create little dating cards for myself so I have them handy when a man asks, something I’ve heard Rori talk about.

    It’s still up to the man to call contact anyway.

  304.  #304LiliBee on October 9, 2012 at 9:54 am

    I’ve been watching Long Island Medium tv show on TLC, and I feel fascinated by this woman.

    Wether you believe in her chanelling deceased souls or not, she does provide peace of mind to many people.
    She always comes up with something particular about the departed person to instill belief in the person she’s relaying the message to.
    The message always provides validation, acknowledgement, gratitude.
    People receiving the message always leave her with a sense of serenity in knowing.
    They all say that it changes their life.

    I wonder, what if I could create that feeling for myself?

    I pray to my dearly departed aunt.
    She treated me like I was the most precious lovable gift ever like I was 1 of her own 9 children.
    She made space for me in her life.
    She knew how to set me straight without making me wrong or bad.

    I want to be soft and loving like her.

  305.  #305Tam on October 9, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Oh, I suddenly feel so much better. I realise it’s not me. I realise he bailed because I am healing. Oh, it’s all falling into place. He met me pre-Rori and I was the little girl, who wanted to ‘go halves’ on everything and wanted to ‘help’ with everything. And the chase aspect was because I was emotionally totally unavailable and kept pushing him away. Consciously and subconsciously. I get it, I get it!!
    No wonder.
    The previous girlfriend was tall, blonde, big fake breasts, slim and had a great career….and still married to be separated, and living in another state. She was everything…unavailable, beautiful, high difficulty – and she got taken on weekend trips/hotels etc. Everything to win a woman which he knew he would never have. Ideal in fact, fantasy with no threat to ever become a real intimate relationship.

    Now I am starting to be high difficulty…I am starting to heal and become emotionally more available…and he runs. I thought it might be one of us running at the change, or even both. I suspect that if I met him now I might well be turned off completely.
    Aaaah…ok, so I made mistakes, but it feels better to think that this is mostly his stuff…and that he is running because I am getting ‘healthier’.
    I feel so much better.
    Perhaps I am spared an everlasting nightmare.
    He isn’t coming along for the healing experience, prefers to stay stuck….I can accept that. But I am not staying stuck.

  306.  #306Starla on October 9, 2012 at 9:58 am

    I need to have a private moment here on the blog with you ladies, to say something I would never say aloud in ‘regular life’ as it sounds like putting myself down and not being the prize but

    I can’t believe I got this fine ass mexican guy chasing me. bwahahaha

    thanks rori!

  307.  #307Starla on October 9, 2012 at 10:01 am

    i was so scared he would give up and move on to a more ‘available’ and hotter girl

    but no. stick to your boundaries! be yourself! love yourself! don’t be scared to speak up!

    ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i love it

    THIS was what i had to learn from Warrior. I knew there was something he had for me.


  308.  #308Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 10:03 am

    I love it Queen Bee.

  309.  #309Tam on October 9, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Now I can feel my vibe shifting again, the dark cloud from last week’s misunderstanding has lifted and left me with knowledge.
    And i found some places I can walk to and meet CDCuban if he calls at 3 like he said he would.
    I am back on my horse. because I know this is NOT about me. I can do relationship and I can speak my truth and I am not going back into the hole ever again.

  310.  #310Daria on October 9, 2012 at 10:08 am

    BC – birth control pills. I feel concerned they dulls a woman’s sense of spirituality, and also tax bodies and hormones /mind health on the long term. (sometimes short term too)

    But they are tools like everything else in the world. Im choosing to believe that intuition leads me to health no matter what it may look like, whether BC , chasing a man, causing harm… If it feels good it’s part of the way at the time.

  311.  #311MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 10:16 am

    310 daria

    I see it a very similar way. I am also a firm believer in pheromones, and during ovulation is a peak time for the release of these chemical signals. My skin had less pimples when I was on BC. But looking back it was less vibrant, and my hair was duller, less luminous, less iridescent in colour. I was on a continuous dose for endometriosis but the pain was excrutiating still. I have not had a pain or a symptom of endo since I stopped taking them. (this is not medical advice, just my own experience). So I call BS on BC.

  312.  #312bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 10:34 am

    so, miss stix, i feel curious – do you do like daria does & just feel the cycle out ? or… ?

  313.  #313bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 10:35 am

    feeling dizzy, panicky & shaky lol…. woosh sheeee big ocean wave feelings ooooh yummy waves… haha… hmm

  314.  #314Heart on October 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

    This is the first time in years I am imaginary relationship free….I feel scared. I feel a kind of wobbly excited hopeful afraid feeling in my stomach…
    I feel weird.

  315.  #315MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 10:43 am


    Do you mean as a means of postponing pregnancy? Or…Just how I know my own cycle?

    Hmm actually I can answer both pretty easy…We only use the pull-out method (which feels like TMI but whatev i’ll hit post anyway). And my cycle is really easily feel-able because I get really bad mittelschmertz when I ovulate. I also keep a calendar so I know if i’m late.

  316.  #316Daria on October 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

    I felt stumped a bit when a siren mentioned having severe pain at start of bleeding time that got lessened dramatically w BC

    Then I got an answer from universe later reading that string pain at beginning of menses is from woman spiritual energy being stuck or not fully acknowledged. That taking a day or 3 for time off to honor bleeding time as sacred would change the pain and allow woman access to powerful spiritual energy.

    I feel a sigh and a smile to have this to offer in the future to my daughters and women who ask me for help

  317.  #317bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

    lol…. i definitely thought ” mittelschmertz ” was a made-up word…. hehe….. : ))) ok, miss stix. thanks for sharing : )

  318.  #318MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 10:59 am


    It’s interesting, to me, that you mention this because like I said above I get this mittelschmertz “pain”. When I went off BC the first ovulation sent me to the hospital. I was confused and thought I must be having appendicitis or something. But the doctor told me that so many years of not ovulating caused a rather violent “bursting forth” (her words) of an egg (the initial pain) and left some blood in my abdomen.

    Anyways…I still get it and realized I always have when I thought back to before I went on the pill at 16. Now I see it as a blessing and it’s only “painful” if I focus on it as pain. Otherwise, it’s just a slightly uncomfortable sensation and I welcome it.

  319.  #319MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 11:01 am

    lol bloom-ing

    I admit I thought a little WTF? when I first heard it…

  320.  #320Tam on October 9, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I get it too 🙂

  321.  #321Tam on October 9, 2012 at 11:07 am

    I feel sad that I haven’t had sex in ages.
    Oh well.

  322.  #322Emerson on October 9, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Thanks Daria and I agree BC are not all they’ve been cracked up to be. They were soo Pushed on me when I was younger it was like oh you must get on these pills so you DO NOT get pregnant !!! What a joke nd a crock!! I wonder who I would have been attracted to if I was not on the pill.

  323.  #323Emerson on October 9, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I think they really messed me up! I’ve been off BC for many years now. in my generation it was like a given that you’d be on the pill from like age 16…. Ugh!!!

  324.  #324MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 11:14 am


    It will be worth the wait, because you are choosing wisely.

  325.  #325Daria on October 9, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Wow I feel surprised at how easily my mind finds evidence for my beliefs…

    Like I just remembered when I used hormonal birth control – the patch – a few years ago.

    For 3 months. And I did stuff sexually w an ex, that I didn’t feel comfortable doing… And I got sick.

    And took antibiotics.

    And then my PAP smear was irregular. In fact it was like grade 2 issue not mild 1 they said.

    And I knew it was from the BC, I researched online and found lots of similar stories.

    And I told the clinician and she said no it can’t be. And I was thinking to myself, she’s trippin.

    And then she wanted to do the microscope look vinegar swab & biopsy. So I said ok to the first… She did the vinegar and looked.., and she’s like oh it’s not good.

    We have to do the biopsy. And I was thinking of course it’s not good, cuz the PAP wasn’t. And I found out the biopsy meant cutting a chunk out of my cervix.

    Well that didn’t sound safe. I thought I still might have traces of the infection I had previously, and a cut could get infected worse. She’s like it will just feel like a pinch were gonna cut a tiny piece.

    Mmmm that just did Not feel safe. I don’t want my cervix cut, that’s Not wassup. This is a free clinic, this woman doesn’t know me or my fam, she’s treating me as one of lots of poor patients without other options, and I know that people aren’t likely treated as carefully in those circumstances. I should wait to see another doctor, one that I’m assured is Very knowledgeable and involved. Probably higly paid. That could cause other complications I don’t have now.

    And she’s like it’s just standard procedure. And I’m like NO. It was the first time I said NO to a doctor, and it got me started to managing my own health.

    She got all kinda hard about it and had me sign a waver that I know I might have cancer and the risk is Death.

    Oh well lady. I signed it.

    I knew it would likely normalize after the BC. I bough myself progesterone cream and used it – inconsistently lol but frequently as at that time consistency was impossible for me. (note: progesterone cream not something that’s to be used inconsistently)

    Well of course next PAP was good and been ever since!

    My thighs weren’t as thick and pretty as they had gotten on the patch , whew but I took charge of my health and now it’s my passion.

    Then a couple years later the patch got recalled cuz women died , like w many birth control pills.

    Go D!

    So going on that DID have a Huge helpful effect for me. It was a part of my path and I feel glad I trmeberrd this story, I often used it for myself to remind me that everything turns out great even when seems its not going in the direction I want.

    Hmmmmh 🙂

  326.  #326Daria on October 9, 2012 at 11:15 am


  327.  #327Emerson on October 9, 2012 at 11:16 am


    I’m feeling piney for male attention. I feel inspired by Starla’s rock star leaning back and not texting. I am feeling a new determination to be sireny and leaning back!!!! It feels food and relaxing.

    I am also really focused on work and making money. I’ve gotten a fat paycheck recently and it’s very motivating. It’s buying me peace of mind and easing my feeling of desperation and it’s easing my yearning to reach out to old CDs for “help”…..

  328.  #328Goddess Lily on October 9, 2012 at 11:17 am

    I don’t know who I would be without my bc pills. I’ve been on different forms so long. It could be that I’m actually not that emotional. I’m terrified to be off them. I don’t trust myself to be off them.

  329.  #329Emerson on October 9, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Thanks Daria <3

  330.  #330Emerson on October 9, 2012 at 11:19 am

    327 lol
    * it feels GOOD not food

  331.  #331MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 11:21 am

    I went on them at 16 too…And for an entire year I bled for 2 weeks every 2 weeks until they put me on a stronger dose and that worked for over 10 years before I went off because of my separation. Then I actually tried to go back on them (the same ones I always took) and had the “breakthrough bleeding” problem again and I just said eff it! I didn’t want to go through that again and liked how I felt being off them.

  332.  #332Tam on October 9, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Thanks Miss Stix…try to choose wisely…well, nothing interesting out there to choose from just yet.
    In fact, I feel worried.
    English CD is lovely and he wants to plan all these dates with me and we kissed last time, very briefly.
    I felt zero. Not bad, not good just zero. Like kissing a wall. I feel worried that when we have more dates he will make a move. I feel worried that he might think this is heading somewhere. I just like his company like a friend’s.
    I want to see where it is going but I don’t want to do anything else yet. How to bring that across….well, yes, with feeling messages, I know.
    Men are scared of the ‘friends’ zone just as we are.
    I don’t want to put him in there before getting to know him better, but I am pretty sure that’s where he will end up. I can feel it.
    It is starting to feel a little stressful and truly, I do not need more stresses right now.
    All will be good 🙂

  333.  #333Mel on October 9, 2012 at 11:25 am


    The severe pain I experience the first couple days of menses started when I was young. Probably even my first period. I lived with it for a long time. Doctors sent me for testing, prescribed some pretty strong pain killers… which I avoided unless absolutely necessary. Apparently my body produces too many prostaglandins. I’ve been warned that if I ever do have children, my labor is likely to be really quick, and to get to the hospital ASAP. I have never been in labour, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the extreme pain I feel each month could be likened to contractions.

    The only thing I have found so far that will help is the bcp. With regulated hormones, my body does not create this unnecessary pain. I have tried a lot of holistic natural options, nothing has really helped in that regard. And I don’t really have the freedom in my job to take a lot of time off work when I’m feeling terrible.

    For me it works. For now. But I often go off for lengths of time, to see if things have balanced out on their own. So far, they have not.

  334.  #334Daria on October 9, 2012 at 11:26 am

    During that whole time of the story I actually felt extremely stressed and terrified. It was not a like ‘whatever’s’ it was huge for me. I felt freaked out.

    But my intuition – which I was not used to listening to at the time – was clear that cutting inside myself after an infection there was a Big risk. Not a whatever.

    Now I know in the US they push women to hysterectomies at menopause when they have issues – also spiritual – and that herbs can help with… To avoid cancer.

    My mom got one. Poor mom. She’s in charge tho. In her frame Ot worked for her.

    I feel scared I won’t be able to care for my family including my parents adequately, cuz I’m not inspiring and confident enough to have their trust. It’s gona heal. I am enough. I believe in me.


    I want to feel comfy knowing Money is here already helping me prepare to live in Florida. I want to Know. I want to feel solid and secure.

  335.  #335bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Rogue Wave “Be Kind & Remind”

    Better learn how to run
    before you walk, babe
    i’ll be with you for a while
    nature’s been good, oh really

    follow you down the path
    toward the seals, babe
    the beach is broken glass
    you can’t have everything

    please be kind and remind

    I wanted to run with wolves
    and the horses
    while you’re home on the range
    just one is good for me

    please be kind and remind

  336.  #336MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 11:29 am

    When I was on the pill, not finding my keys, or not having the right change for laundry (the most rediculous stuff) could reduce me to sobbing tears. I thought that’s just how I was! :p

  337.  #337Starla on October 9, 2012 at 11:34 am

    miss stix 336 i was the same way

  338.  #338Daria on October 9, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Mel – I do believe that it’s stuck and unacknowledged spiritual energy. Perhaps yours is very powerful. Maybe there are generations of it unacknowledged.

    Honoring the time, even while on BC, is what I would do. Perhaps In the evening. Perhaps slowly stepping toward a mindset where my inner life and time become more important than job and worldly schedule. If only for a window of time a month.

    I feel stuck on how to share about this without being heard like I’m saying “you have to do this” or ” you should do this.” I’m not. I feel pinched and pressed. I choose my path for what feels good to me, and share about myself and my intuition. Thers no obligation, no matter how truggered , sad, or concerned I might feel about another’s choices.

    Im choosing it all works toward healing in the end anyway. I have my story that remained me of that and I feel glad to have that friend.

  339.  #339Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 11:40 am


    21 – Thank you, yes, that helps. I think that’s the solution.

  340.  #340Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 11:41 am


    29 – Thank you! That’s wonderful you’ve grown that deeply! I will keep moving in that direction.

  341.  #341Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Miss Stix,

    31 – I think I understand what you said. It’s just if it takes hours for me to process something, it inhibits me from handling my life’s other responsibilities. I mean, it’s serious. It can take me half the day just to get normal when I wake up in the morning, and the other half just to process triggers. Ugh.

  342.  #342Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 11:44 am


    43 – That’s really good, I’ll try that. What you said goes hand-in-hand with what Sunshine said.

  343.  #343Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 11:44 am


    53 – Right on, thanks!

  344.  #344Mel on October 9, 2012 at 11:52 am


    I feel loved, thanks. 🙂

    “Honoring the time, even while on BC, is what I would do.” This feels good to me right now. Because I kinda feel resentment at my body. Feeling pain has made me feel all hurried and dreadful and “when’s this gonna be over!” and impatient toward my cycle.

  345.  #345Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 11:58 am

    I love this

    Rori Raye says:
    Carlene – as far as my Tools go – this is the key here for you: “I told him that he should live with her since that’s why he’s leaving.” If, in the midst of all this pain, you can choose to TELL him What To Do – that tells me it’s been your general “style.” He’s looking for a woman who WON’T be telling him what to do – he wants a “girl” – and is just hoping this other woman is more like one than you are. She likely is NOT – and you now have the tools to turn into a girl overnight. So DO it!

  346.  #346Daria on October 9, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Oh Mel I feel so happy you feel that way w my words. (((((Mel))))) wow I feel excited Imaginging loving bodies and bloodtimes

  347.  #347Miss Bells on October 9, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Very good advice.

  348.  #348Tam on October 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Cuban CD said he was calling at 3pm, now it’s nearly 20 past. After yesterday’s stand up, I am judging him as unreliable. Sorry about that Ladies.
    I don’t want unreliable.
    I want to poof.
    I did really well yesterday staying open and explaining with feeling messages etc. Now I am wanting to ‘be done’.
    He was the one who got very clingy anyway, and on the dating website kept saying ‘oh I see, still looking for other men’ and that ‘it’s a red flag’.
    I am gonna poof.
    I feel like poofing.
    I have been the receiver off poofing a few times.
    It would feel good to just poof now.
    I feel naughty and giggly. He had his chance.

  349.  #349bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    can’t remember if i posted this or not…

    oh well

    cd was saying that he is going to write an essay entitled “the explicit oppression and exploitation of women in modern culture”


    & he was talking about gendered expectations in relationship

    he pointed out that Some Men “expect” a girl with “a waist like this & txts out to here”

    & then he pointed out that Some Women “expect” to be chased around & treated like a Princess “without deserving it”

    & he said “it has to start somewhere”

    indicating also that he perceived it would be “easier” for the women to change their attitudes & “act like women” & “treat themselves like princesses” rather than to “try” to effect a change on “an entire aesthetic”


  350.  #350Starla on October 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Loving myself with coconut lemongrass soup and veggie egg rolls

    i feel totally worthy

  351.  #351bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm


    that’s what we say !

    treat YOURSELF like a Princess : ))) yayyyyyyy

    Princess Crown for ME ! yayyyyyyyyyy lol : )))

  352.  #352Tam on October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    he just tried to call..feeling turned off. Stood up yesterday, didn’t call when he said he would. NEXT!!

  353.  #353bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    i am worthy : ) i am worthy of a lifetime of love & cuddles ! i am ! i want that ! : )

  354.  #354Tam on October 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I want a reliable man. A good man. I do not need to CD those who are needy, want to curtail me, and can’t keep appointments. That’s not practicing, that’s just getting annoyed.
    I feel calm.
    If he is like that now…it’s only gonna get worse.
    I might treat myself for dinner tonight and CD myself. At least I will meet myself on time!! Haha!!

  355.  #355Tam on October 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Haha…quick reminiscing…it does remind me of MrP who, knowing my intolerance for lateness and him being chronically late, used to send me updates, so I wouldn’t run. Every few minutes, for example, he might call me or text me ‘don’t leave, I WILL be there in 20 minutes….10 minutes…5 minutes’. It kind of disarmed me…and I did let him wait sometimes too…and he never complained – ha ha.
    Bless him, it was a nice time. But the past is past.
    Onwards and upwards.

  356.  #356bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Tam ! sounds fun ! TREAT YO’ SELF : )

  357.  #357bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    i’m about to hand in my resignation letter……… LOL

    i feel “stxpid” for doing this, BUT ! “oh, well” right ?

    feel dizzy & sick lol…. sweet girl ! go for it ! i feel so proud of you

  358.  #358Smile on October 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Feeling a bit flat.

    felt a bit distant from the blog and didn’t want to write but now I’ve identified my feeling I want to write it. It wasn’t enough to just feel it.

    ((my flatness))

  359.  #359Daria on October 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    wow Blooming thats awesome!!!! WOOOOH!

  360.  #360bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    hehe, smile…..

    PUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF i’m blowing a little wind your way to fluff you up, lady : )))

  361.  #361Starla on October 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    wow bloom-ing that’s big:)

  362.  #362Smile on October 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Ha tam, your boundaries are good and strong girl!!
    Man if you want me, phone at 3, not half 3!!

    I’m remembering a post you wrote the other day,” I am a princess. ”

    Princess Tam, only the best will do!!

    I am a princess too!! Princess smile!

  363.  #363Daria on October 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Tam – 20 min past established time is not acceptable for me to meet anymore. Boundary im practicing on.

    /i will decide if i will give him another chance another time, but most likely not.

  364.  #364Smile on October 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Blooming, thank you it worked!!!!!!!

    More please 

  365.  #365Daria on October 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    awww… mom came and she kissed me goodnite. it was kinda simultaneous awww

    and now she came back to invite me to sleep with her if its cold in my room so we can be warm together

    awww mami 🙂


    i love when my mami is in a loving mood toward me

  366.  #366Smile on October 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Tam, is Cuban guy the one who was too keen? And cried on first date?

    I wonder if he’s backed off a liitle because of your feelings about this. Could this be why he’s gone the ops way? To not appear too keen?! Therefore purposely phoned late? Just a thought.

    Or have I mixed two of your CDs up? Ha!

  367.  #367Smile on October 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    357- blooming. This would feel scary to me! Yey you!

  368.  #368Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Doesn’t matter his MO Smile. It depends on how Tam feels. A man will know how to handle our feelings – regardless of what they are.

  369.  #369Starla on October 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    i am procrastinating

  370.  #370Smile on October 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    It’s 9pm. I want to go to bed 

  371.  #371Daria on October 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    yeah this is not him tho. That was BigCD i think…

    this one is a gushy romantic talkign guy who so far is not good with schedules

  372.  #372Heart on October 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I feel hungry…

  373.  #373bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    ah, thank you, daria…. i feel nerve-y lol ………………… & super-spazzy fuzzy static-y energy…… cd told me today, “have fun !” hahahaha…. aww sweet EEK feeling…

    praying for some “solidity” when i speak with my supervisor…. : )


  374.  #374Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    If you’re in a relationship with a man where you keep breaking up and then getting back together…

    Then I can promise you 2 things are true for you:

    Truth #1: The man in your life is NOT making you feel cherished and appreciated.

    In fact, he is being reckless with your heart and your love.

    If you go on like this, and don’t figure out what to tell him and how to handle his behavior, you’re going to stay stuck in this situation.

    Truth #2: You are not going to be your BEST SELF for as long as your relationship is unstable and “on and off.”

    Here’s The Reality…
    Love can bring out the best in you and your partner. BUT… only when your love is aligned.

    If you’re in an “on again, off again” relationship… then you’re by definition NOT aligned with your partner in your love.

    Which means…

    Since you don’t know how he’s going to show up from day to day…

    …that you don’t know where your relationship is headed…

    … and you’re living on shaky ground emotionally which is taking it’s toll on you.

    What’s worse… it’s causing you to act in ways that actually put more distance between you and him, and you’re pushing him away out of fear.

    I get it. When there’s no secure FOUNDATION for you and your heart, it undermines EVERYTHING. It throws you completely out of whack on every level, causing you to do and say things that you KNOW aren’t productive or helpful.

    In fact, you do or say things that you know better than to do, but you can’t help it because of the way the situation is making you feel.

    NO MORE.

    It’s time to stop the PATTERN you’re in, or that your guy is bringing to your life. It’s time to finally be heard, to stop the cycles of off and on, and it’s time to get him to show up and be a better man.

    Want To Know Something About Men?
    Ok. Well, there’s a few secrets you should know about men who are dragging you through the “on again, off again” thing with their indecision.

    Make sure you think about these, because they have everything to do with how you’re going to put an end to the “off and on” cycles for good.

    Here’s what’s often true about men who are putting you through the “off and on” cycles:

    He often pulls away right after you finally get truly CLOSE and intimate again (*Hint: it’s actually being deeply intimate again that will trigger him as long as you don’t figure out how to change things)
    He doesn’t have a real “reason” why he keeps pulling away, just excuses
    He COMES BACK to you and wants to be “on” again when he feels the emptiness/loneliness that comes when he takes space and is by himself (*Hint: he is avoiding HIMSELF and his own feelings and uses you as an emotional “crutch”)
    He makes big promises each time he comes back to you and goes back on the things he said were the reason he left before
    Any of these sound familiar?

    I thought so.

    It’s Time You Broke This Cycle Once And For All


  375.  #375bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    awwwww (((((((Daria&Daria’sMami)))))))) mm i feel so moved reading that…. my mama & i are going on a Women’s Retreat on Friday : )) i feel excited : )

  376.  #376Smile on October 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Ah, I thought it sounded a bit totally one way then totally the other way!

    I was just confused and curious. But now understand why. It’s a different cd lol.

  377.  #377Smile on October 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Note to self…

    It’s time to stop the PATTERN you’re in, or that your guy is bringing to your life. It’s time to finally be heard, to stop the cycles of off and on, and it’s time to get him to show up and be a better man.

    Thanks FW.

  378.  #378MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm


    ….I feel a little odd reading this. I haven’t yet put my finger on it.

    I don’t know if it’s just the wording “Time to get him to…” ewww. Or what. I will report back when I have dug deeper.

  379.  #379MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Is it the assumption that “on again, off again” is always a man pulling away from a woman? Maybe…Yes definitely part of it. Hmmm

  380.  #380MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    I wonder what it would be like if every woman everywhere just stopped trying to “get” a man to do anything…

    Just stopped all together and just focused on doing what’s right for her at any given time. And if a man is naturally inclined to make the effort needed fantastic, and if not, next!

  381.  #381April Rose on October 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I hear ya, Miss Stix,

    In the past it has been me who has been on again off again.

    I don’t hear this addressed anywhere.

    Maybe there is a window for us to become coaches around this!

  382.  #382Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Ok.. So haven’t heard from him since yesterday when he text to say he’d leave it.. Longest time we’ve ever gone without speaking.. A day and a half and no contact..

    Its strange.. I know I told him at the weekend that I wanted to think but Im thinking hes just got on with it and forgotten about me.. Kinda angers me he isnt trying to get in touch and its defeating the object.. haha

    Whats he thinking.. hmm.. I know I need to get out of his head..

    Will he just get sick of the no contact and ignorance and end it..

  383.  #383MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm


    Yeah…To the point where it feels like a flaw to be a woman who might “let go” at the snap of a finger. From the feminine side it feels so…”detatched” at times. Yet at the same time I feel a deep emotional/physical/chemical bond with my partner.

    Rori says removing yourself from a situation is feminine. I wonder why I see it as a detatched and masculine trait…

    Maybe this is something I am taught that men are “supposed” to do. Love and leave so easily. But then I see the more masculine men I know forming very strong bonds with their women, and feeling the pain of losing them more deeply.

    So a$$ backwards! lol It is my mission to understand this. And it feels like I already do, but social conditioning is hard to erase off the surface to see through to the other side more clearly.

  384.  #384Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Text to say he’d leave coming down for his stuff till another night I mean.. He’d already said he’d leave me to have my ‘think’

  385.  #385Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    374: Femininewoman

    ..and you break the cycle how?

  386.  #386Daria on October 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    hmmm if it was just on my side being on again off again, he’ll just continue pursuing me when im off, waiting and finding ways to get me back on… so i’d always feel cherished anyway

  387.  #387MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    PS AR

    Anyone who wants to brainstorm with me on ideas that suit this pattern is fully welcome.

    I have started trying to process this in my mind because it doesn’t make a lot of sense, and yet it seems to be harmonious to allow the masculine to do all the “fighting” for the relationship.

    And intuition may say “that’s not fair…” but experience tells me the masculine can handle it when he’s decided he is invested. And even to me it looks like a strategy at first glance but I know it has to be done completely free of strategy, and on the most basic level, totally authentically.

    It’s almost like…Throw any and all “advice” out the window. Figure out what really makes you tick. What feels good? What doesn’t? What seems like it might feel good at first glance but is actually a wolf in sheeps clothing? Figure it all out for you as a human then just simply act accordingly. Honestly and authentically.

    I dunno :p

  388.  #388bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    simply goddess,

    i imagine “breaking the cycle” could look a lot of different ways…..

    rori talks about “showing up as different” ? i think ?

    giving up, focusing on myself, noticing patterns that feel bad & experimenting with new ways to handle the old triggers or situations, meeting lots of people, smiling & being friendly to everyone, “dating the world,” dating actually if i’m not in Relationship with one man, finding new ways to please & soothe myself……

    what do you think? how do you imagine it might look for you ?

  389.  #389MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    daria 386

    You don’t have to make it sound so complicated… jeez 😉

    I guess it is that simple when you get right down to it.

  390.  #390Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Im really not sure..
    Feel a bit stumped right now..
    I said I wanted to think about us this week while hes away working.. Now we arent speaking I guess hes letting me ‘think’ but it just seems so odd to go to not speaking at all..
    We’re both on chat and still not speaking..
    I feel like Ive put myself in the position where its up to me to talk to him now.. What do you think?

  391.  #391Daria on October 9, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Miss stix – lol 🙂

  392.  #392MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm


    To me breaking the cycly looks like…I’ve had enough of you boring, mean old cycle! *Karate chop* that cycle! Yay it’s broken! And dancing around the shattered pieces of that rough sad cycle. But my cycle is broken on the floor in pieces! Oh no 🙁 How do I fix it? hmmm I guess I don’t fix it! I just sink into the delicious knowledge that I broke it and love that for a while. Maybe work on a way of creating my new “pattern” which isn’t a pattern at all but a messy line with curves amd bends and loopdy loops but definitely no cycles!

  393.  #393Daria on October 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    abt feeling ‘detached’ i used to call it ‘cold’ but really it feels more ‘stony’ ‘aloof’ like im on a somewhat inaccessible mountain sighing, rolling my eyes away from him dramatically and inspecting my nails…

    oh how i know this feeling

    the way i imagine it is because my heart is closed. prob cuz of being too triggered being that vulnerable…

    i really like the new tool i have inspired by Blooming’s words where im a giant goddess, who is not to move towards him lest i will topple over him

    i made a tool where im a Giant, swirly color, breathing, permeable sphere

    and men are like sticks

    if i distort myself like some gooey water and reach for him, i get all distorted and he freaks out and runs cuz giant hands are reaching out to grab him out of the water

    but if i just be me and breathe and be my gooey sphere self, kinda like a baby, im so swirly shimmery colored and hes NAturally not only curious but fascinated and attracted powerfully to come closer and really to Penentrate and stick himself inside lol

    sperm Egg kinda thing

  394.  #394Tam on October 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    366 Yep Smile, you mixed them up, ha!! The cry baby has had a freak out because he thought we were in a relationship after one date and I did not answer each of his 10 texts between 8am and midday.
    Cuban CD stood me up yesterday, kind of (last minute call at 7:30pm) and today called at 3:30 not 3 as he said.
    Both are history….I am just not up for that anymore.
    Thanks for your support Ladies!! 🙂

  395.  #395Daria on October 9, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Egg makes herself available by putting herself out where she can be seen – traveling to uterus

    she doesnt ‘reach’ for the sperm tho

  396.  #396Daria on October 9, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Yay Tam ! you’re getting some great practice!

  397.  #397Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    I dont know if im doing the right thing..
    Im quite busy with work which is why its een quite easy to not text him.. and yet im kinda waiting for him to come after me.. but yet I told him I want time to think etc.. Im confusing myself. Am I just acting cold and detached? How can I open my heart without leaning forward?

  398.  #398April Rose on October 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    bloom-ing, I love this

    “finding new ways to please & soothe myself…”

  399.  #399MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm


    Omg I love this! esp the sphere vision. You 2 ladies are too much.

    Oh yum, I am a goey swirly colourful iridescent sphere. Low density and totally penetrable, but 100% perfectly spherical at all times.


  400.  #400Tam on October 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Daria, I feel very happy, slightly amused and all important that you are keeping track of my CD’s…how lovely 🙂

  401.  #401bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    wow… just did it. ((((((((((((((bossman)))))))))))))))

    he’s nice & i was honest & he told me i can sleep on it : )

  402.  #402MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    And sphere is mobile…But moving only where she wants to move and moving in entirety. No bending or morphing. No leaving bits of goo behind.

  403.  #403April Rose on October 9, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Miss Stix, Daria,

    Yes! When I go ‘off’ again he is waiting or else plotting or else taking care of himself.

    When I ‘ran away’ for two weeks, EM took himself on a holiday, didn’t call me for five days, and then timed his call perfectly just as I was becoming receptive again.

  404.  #404Tam on October 9, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    No, too right..egg doesn’t reach for the sperm!! Egg makes her own way and wanders about on a little walk feeling all important. Sperm comes racing..and the fastest and fittest wins. What a GREAT metaphor!!!
    And cute. I see a little egg feeling all important because there is only ONE and all those sperms racing..haha…YES!!

  405.  #405MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Oh yes! Thank you thank you! I love it when this gets triggered mmmmmmmm my sphere, I, am mostly dark sparkling purple with a bit of derp ocean blue and marbles of silver, specks of white glitter all swirling about.

  406.  #406bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    miss stix, you’re totally indigo : )

  407.  #407MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    🙂 🙂 🙂

    Giggles ladies this is too much!

    I can see soooo many little sperm, tails furiously waggling racing to egg!

  408.  #408Starla on October 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    I’m feeling all separate from the blog today
    and kind of pouty
    and i know i’m totally welcome here
    awww weepy starla
    these feelings are sweet and human

  409.  #409bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    simply goddess, mmm to me it might sound nice to just “open my heart” energetically & imagine ways that would feel nice to connect…

  410.  #410Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    haha I like the sperm – egg metaphor 🙂

  411.  #411MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm


    Come be an egg sphere with us lol

    uhhhh….Bet this is the strangest request you’ve ever heard 😉

  412.  #412bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    hehe (((((starla)))))

  413.  #413Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Hard times fall upon everybody… Whatever it is, we’re going to get out of it #Hello

    Hes put this on twitter.. Random.. What could that mean?

  414.  #414Butterfly wings on October 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    229 Turquoise – I wanna see those boots! Post a pic on siren island!! Hehe my shoe fetish needs a fix! 😉

  415.  #415MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    (((simply goddess)))

    You are amazing. I want to paint you with so many vibrant colours of love! And I want to allow you space to stretch and grow so tall! And I believe you can.

  416.  #416Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    409: bloom-ing
    🙂 nice..

    415: MissStix
    Aww, that was lovely.. xxx

  417.  #417Simply Goddess on October 9, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Ahh, its a Mike Tyson quote he put on..
    I wish he’d just step up and realise how amazing I bloody am and come after me on a white horse.. and pick me up (Officer and a gentleman style) and promise me the world.. then whisk me off to Santorini to get married (A la Mamma Mia..) and live happily ever after.. (like a Disney film),, Hmph.. He doesnt even as much put his fingers into action and text me good night..

    P enis

  418.  #418bloom-ing on October 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    hehehe the “egg” shape really works for me, daria…. i’m really loving how i have to pay constant attention to keep myself from tipping hahaha…. feels amusing & smile-y : ))

  419.  #419Starla on October 9, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    missstix 411, actually the oddest request i ever got was ‘get in the egg position’ (a trampoline game where you get popped up)… how funny! we still joke about it to this day. something about eggs is so funny.

  420.  #420Daria on October 9, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    “”I Don’t Know How To Give Her What She Wants From Me.”

    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    October 08, 2012

    Do you sometimes feel like you try to give your partner the connection he or she wants and can’t figure out how?

    I was having a Skype session with Andrea and Lawrence. Married for 18 years with two teen-age children, their marriage was strained. When I asked Lawrence how things were going between them, his answer was the same as always: “Fine.” When I asked Andrea the same question, she got a pained look on her face. “Things are okay, but not great. I’m lonely with Lawrence so much of the time. We just can’t seem to connect.”

    Lawrence became defensive. “I can never do things good enough or right enough for you. You are always unhappy about something.”

    “Lawrence,” replied Andrea, “I tell you all the time what a great father you are and what a great provider you are. You are a good, kind and loving person. But I need time and connection with you. I get connection with my girlfriends, but not with you, and this makes me feel very sad.”

    “Margaret, I don’t know how to give her what she wants from me. I don’t understand what she needs.” Lawrence looked distressed and confused.

    Lawrence agreed to have one-on-one sessions with me.

    Like so many of the people I work with, Lawrence had some severe trauma in his childhood, with no one to help him handle it. His beloved mother died in a car accident when he was six, and his father turned to alcohol. His way of managing the overwhelming feelings of heartbreak, loneliness and helplessness was to disconnect from his emotions and stay in his mind. A brilliant man, he became a high achiever. Focusing on success kept him so busy that he didn’t have time to feel what was going on inside him. After awhile, the feelings seemed to fade away.

    Now, as an adult, he was completely out of touch with his feelings, and very afraid to open to them. The idea of feeling what was buried within him terrified him.

    Because he could not connect with himself – with the feeling child within – he could not connect with Andrea, and this is what she was sad about. She loved Lawrence, but this wasn’t enough. She needed to feel him to connect with his heart. But he was afraid to share his heart – afraid to feel the deep pain that was lodged there.

    Because Lawrence cared about Andrea and her feelings, he was finally willing to face his fear of feeling.

    “Lawrence, feeling your feelings is about being present in your body rather than focused in your mind. Right now, take a deep breath and put your focus into your body. Get very present inside your body. Are you aware of any emotions?”

    “I feel sad and scared.”

    “What are you sad and scared about?”

    “I’m sad that I don’t know what it means to connect and that Andrea is sad about this, and I’m scared that I can’t do what she needs me to do and that this is hurting our marriage.”

    “Lawrence, right now you ARE connecting. You are connecting with your feelings and sharing them with me, which allows me to connect with you. Andrea has often said that she wishes you would let her in. This is what she means – what you are doing right now. You CAN do this! How does it feel to be sharing your feelings with me?

    “This feels good. But I don’t know how to do this on my own. I’ll never remember to feel my feelings.”

    I shared with Lawrence that I completely understood this, as when I first started to practice the first step of Inner Bonding – being aware of my feelings and wanting responsibility for them – 28 years ago, I also had difficulty remembering to be aware of my feelings. I was very aware of others’ feelings, but never my own. I bought a wonderful little gadget called a MotivAider, which buzzed against my body however often I set it to buzz, and it reminded me to check in with myself. I wore this for over a year until I had trained myself to be present with my feelings.

    Lawrence got a MotivAider and started practicing tuning in to himself. Andrea reported that, even in just a week, she felt much more connected with Lawrence.

    In time, Lawrence got comfortable enough with his current feelings that he was able to open to the buried pain within him, with deep caring and compassion for himself. He learned that he could manage and release these past painful feelings, as well as current painful feelings. He also learned that his feelings held much important information for him regarding how he was treating himself and others, and how others were treating him. His fear of feeling was healed as he learned to compassionately learn from his feelings, rather than avoid them.”

  421.  #421Starla on October 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I see myself in a peaceful little spiritual workshop, offering Reiki and reflexology services.

  422.  #422Daria on October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    so real:

    Should I Stay or Should I Go?

    By Phyllis Stein, Ph.D.
    April 25, 2009

    Staying in our bodies is central to living a life of peace and joy. The article is about becoming aware of how we leave to protect and what it takes to comes back.

    No, this is not a column about relationships, at least not with other people. It is a column about one of the primal ways that our inner kids cope with things that overwhelm them. The concept of dissociation is not a new one and the idea of dissociation, of leaving our bodies as a way to cope with severe emotional and physical abuse, is well known. What I did not realize until recently was that what I though of as dissociation was actually the extreme end of something that probably most children, including me, learned to do.

    At intensive after intensive, I was told that I was in my head, that I was “out there,” that people could not “feel me.” I struggled valiantly to change that, to move into my body, to get out of my head, to tune in. It never occurred to me that this place was a form of dissociation.

    Recently, I became increasingly aware of this “out there” feeling. Although I would be talking a mile a minute, being very entertaining, etc, etc. when I tuned into what I was feeling, it was a sense of spinning, of desperately trying to change something, usually on the outside, to give me the feeling that things were under control, that I was safe. I really could not even tune into how my little girl was feeling, except that I was spinning. Exactly what I had felt at all those intensives but could not name. Suddenly I understood that my little girl was dissociating.

    I tuned into her, asking her why this was happening, and I remembered being little, maybe 3, and my father roughhousing with me. He would tickle me and pin me down. Eventually, when I got hysterical enough, my mother would tell him to stop. I remembered how at first I would be angry but I could not hold onto that. I could not fight back. I realized that it was too much and I had left my body. I realized that I had a judgment on myself for doing that. I was able to go back and tell my little girl that she had gone to be with God and that what she did was okay.

    More than that, however, I was able to bring her back to the safety of my body. I realized that once we start to dissociate, it is like there is a worm hole created and the minute things get to be too much, “Whoosh,” out we go. I could see how from then on, as soon as things got overwhelming, for example when my mother and I got into an argument, I would dissociate and there I would be, spinning, trying desperately to defend myself, but really, gone.

    So what became clear to me was that once I was out there, there was nothing I could do on the outside level to get reconnected. What I had to do was to go inside and find the little girl who had split and almost grab her by the ankle and help her come back. Only then could I be present. I realized too that when we dissociate, we are disconnected from our own power, literally.

    Recently, there was a discussion on the Inner Bonding site of the spiritual aspect of dissociation and I understood for the first time that what we call a spiritual bypass works exactly the same way. Something becomes overwhelming and the inner child whooshes out, consciously going to God and to bliss. The belief is that doing this enough will provide safety and a sense of worth because, after all, God is the source.

    The problem with a spiritual bypass is this, the reason that the child has left is that there was something too overwhelming to stay present for. So this child is not okay when he or she leaves. This not okay state is NEVER dealt with. The desperate feeling is never healed. Going to God does not solve the underlying issue and for that reason there is no way that this child can ever really feel safe and loved. The child can feel that he or she has a place to escape to, which has its appeal, but the true safety of having a loving adult present, the true safety of personal power and even the experience of deep emotional connection with others is never possible.

    So fundamentally, once we are conscious of this process, we all have a choice, to stay or go. Notice, without judgment, the little one who believes that he or she has no choice except to go. The challenge of having a loving adult is to provide enough safety so that your inner child can stay. Are you willing to take the job of providing a different choice?”

  423.  #423Turquoise on October 9, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    So, Mr. Conversation texted me to ask if I was ok. All I replied back was yeah. No feeling message there. I don’t know if I want to talk about it though. He says we should always talk about everything, that is how we resolve it….. but I don’t want to have a serious conversation over text. Too easy to misconstrue something. Not sure I want to say anything to him at all about us…. just be different.

  424.  #424Turquoise on October 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Ok, BW… I will. I haven’t been on siren island in forever!

    I feel so sleepy…. wish I could stay home, but off to a school function for one of my girls.


    Starla, you are such a rockstar!

    I heard from a new guy on POF who sounds meetable. He’s a mechanical engineer who also owns a winery. Divorced with 3 grown daughters… I typed the wrong name and he laughed in his reply, but said with my eyes and smile I could call him anything I wanted. lol.

  425.  #425Femininewoman on October 9, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Turquoise I would tell him “feeling reflective and internally focussed” in an effort to be honest. U could also say you dont feel ready to talk yet. But let him talk abt the relationship. Just be the navigator of you.

  426.  #426April Rose on October 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    “The challenge of having a loving adult is to provide enough safety so that your inner child can stay.”

    It feels fun to create an inner Dad that does all the things that my little girl wants him to, so that she can feel safe, protected, and loved.

  427.  #427Daria on October 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    blooming — hmm your interpretation is different,

    mine is a lil more spherical, and i lay a soft beutiful textile down on the earth and make a small indentation and she lays on it…kinda likea crystal ball on a velvet tablecloth.. she doesn’t really tip or even roll (though i suppose she could roll) but if she starts reaching out she gets all distorted out of shape. it kinda feels like being an infant on my back

    all gooey and ooey and it shows by sparkly colors in me

  428.  #428Starla on October 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    thank you ladies, i feel much love here

  429.  #429April Rose on October 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    My inner Dad does not compromise my little girl’s health by smoking.

    My inner Dad holds my little girl’s hand and squeezes it, saying “I’m looking after you and watching your back”.

    My inner Dad earns enough money to take care of my little girl’s love of pretty things.

  430.  #430April Rose on October 9, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Goodnight sirens

    I’m looking forward to an egg for breakfast!

  431.  #431Butterfly wings on October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    I’m not sure what happened while I was sleeping last night but I was exhausted when I woke up. And I also feel this amazing sense of peace, plus really loving and tender feelings towards TH.

    It feels weird but in a really really good way….

    He’s gone in two days for 3 weeks. I have a lot going on in that time including at least one cd and one night out with the girls where we will as usual find ourselves surrounded by men…! 😉

  432.  #432Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm


    422 – I struggle with disassociation.

  433.  #433Daria on October 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    ohhh I just read the Inner Father story again and i feel all peaceful

  434.  #434LiliBee on October 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm



    I don’t want to go anymore.
    I feel the tears coming up into my eyes.

  435.  #435Daria on October 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Radlove – me too…

    i just read this lovely Inner Father story Belle sent me… it helped me transform the first time and I felt less triggered – 70 % gone anxiety around my mom

    i read it the second time now and I believe it’s shifted me again…

  436.  #436Linda on October 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    I am copying a pasting this one here. Thank you Siren Angel for typing these words.

    Life gets in the way and junk clutters my thoughts.Under the junk of life…deep down inside I am these words…..

    I am a goddess
    I am the prize
    I am yummy, juicy, beautiful, sweet, warm and feeling and soft
    Any man would jump hoops to be with me right now
    Any man would rather be with me right now
    I am the one
    I am whole
    I am enough
    I am a delicious, wonderful, amazing Prize

    I felt pretty today
    I felt strong and driven on the treadmill at the gym today.
    I made extended eye contact with every man I met today and smiled.
    I dont know where that energy came from… oh wait
    deep down.. under all that stuff that life piles on me… I am there… and I like me.

  437.  #437Marian on October 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Hello girls…

    This is the first time I post, I don’t even know why I’m doing this, but I feel so helpless… and somehow reading you all feels right.

    It’s been a month since he asked me for “time”, things weren’t that good lately, but I supposed I chose to believe things could get better! I bought Rori’s book, and started to use her tools, I suppose afterall I was a bad student because no matter how much I tried to connect with him (and at some point I really thought that was happening) he just … left me!

    It’s been a month and I still dont know what to do, I’ve tried you know? hang out with friends, I’m taking dance clases, I’m sharing with people, I’ve cried… sometimes I even dare to believe everythigs is going to be all right! But It’s like nothing truly works!

    And I really, really would love to hear ANY advice you could give me, cause I feel AWFUL and I can’t stop thinking what did I do wrong? Even if I realize that thought is stupid.

    Hope you can take some time to read and reply me…


  438.  #438Daria on October 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    heres the page to download the book ladies… the story I read in the book is called the Inner Father… I just let the story change me and read it with openess. It worked…


  439.  #439Linda on October 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    I have been phoneless since Friday evening. My cell phone unexpectidly lept from my pocket into a small body of water. (THe toliet bowl)… haha

    Fragile things those cell phones… The rice trick did not work… My replacement is on its way. Gotta love insurance on those expensive things!

    Thank you Linda for thinking ahead and protecting your investment!

  440.  #440Linda on October 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    I am waiting for My man… he is coming. He is hungry for me.

    …. that felt fun to type

  441.  #441Daria on October 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    whoa this is a new coach lady who friended me on facebook

    and this video is for men on how to turn us on by touching our hands!



    i allow him to touch and hold my hand when he does (even when tho it feels vulnerable and awkward)

    and as i relax and breathe and do my shimmery breath…

    and kinda melt, i start extending my fingers and kinda like “doing the cat” with my hand and rubbing it against his…

    it feels VERY romantic!

    and fascinating

    and not that scary or like im coming on to him… its more like im getting a hand massage for myself lol!

    wow this feels so awesome to learn!

  442.  #442Daria on October 9, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    i dont rub his hand, i kinda get MY hand rubbed by rubbing against his, my hand all outstretched and energy flowing, the way a cat rubbs up against a wall or leg

  443.  #443Daria on October 9, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    oh i know how i might start it

    i might turn the back of my palm to me, and stretch out my fingers, admiring my nails…

    (something to do to keep the focus on me

    and then i make almost a loose fist and rub my thumb and my index and middle finger tips on each other, like im feeling the fabric of the air between my hands

    pulliing energy frmo the air in, then extending my fingers out again to let it out…

    got that from bellydancing

    i kinda fascinate myself with it

    usually a man will touch my hand and i just continue doing it in the way that feels most pleasurable, turning my hand wihtin his hand, etc, like a dance…

    i just follow the pleasure…

  444.  #444Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    this is usually when im sitting next to a man in a car and we’re parked

    i rub my thighs lightly too looking down at my hand, to keep the focus on me…

  445.  #445Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    yeahhh ui look at the estended bck of my hand, close my hand and rub fabric back and forth a fewa times

    then roll my hand over and extend it out palm up…he he

    it jsut feels good!

    i want to do a video on this that would feel …. (Numb) but thrilling

    this is in the air in front of me

    im just kinda playing with looking at and rubbing my fingers

    im loooking at my fingers the whole time

  446.  #446Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    lol now that im trying to do it on purpose im not getting to the part where it feels good to flip and extend palm up hehe

  447.  #447Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    yes i am !


  448.  #448Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:16 pm



  449.  #449Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    wow i just watched it ! you can REALLY SEE HOW IM FEELING EACH TIME even when i tighten up…. oh wow i didn’t know it was SO obvious!!! Wow i feel blown away seeing myself like this

    I’m feeling thrilled! My first video!

  450.  #450Annie on October 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    374: Femininewoman.

    Thanks for this.
    What is the reccomendadtion?

  451.  #451Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    thanks Inner Father for helping me make this video for me!

  452.  #452Goddess Lily on October 9, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Ha Ha I just caught up. Great ladies! Now at the mixer tomorrow I’m gonna see a bunch of frenzied SPERM men running around.

    I just got back from shopping for my male friend for the mixer. He’s a good guy. I really want him to find somebody, the clothing just needed a bit of an upgrade. I feel like I made a difference. Now what the heck do I wear!?!? Less than 24 hours, suddenly I feel rushed.

  453.  #453Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    I feel kinda sad that people won’t notice that first post…

    Here is ME! My first video of a tool:

    It’s not someone else… it’s me Daria!


    I want to feel seen and loved and I’m sharing !

  454.  #454Goddess Lily on October 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Awesome Daria! I’m going to try that tomorrow at the mixer!

  455.  #455Tam on October 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    love your video, Daria..you look so happy and content too, it’s quite calming!!

  456.  #456MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    There is so much guy energy around me right now…Too much. I will watch daria’s video when I am alone! I feel excited 🙂

  457.  #457Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm


    Thanks for the link to the Inner Father!

  458.  #458Tam on October 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    As I was CDing myself today by choice, I walked along the beach looking for a place to eat and imagining all good things coming to me.
    A man stopped right in front of me and whispered ‘you are soooo beautiful’ at me.
    It was very strange as it was a half whisper, like it came from another world!! I just smiled at him
    I had no make up, wasn’t particularly nice dressed or anything.
    Then went to eat at a little place by the beach, really enjoyed my food slowly and watching the people around me. Lots of men smiling at me and me smiling back. A really nice looking guy walks in through the door with a friend and he actually turned around and smiled at me..I held eye contact and smiled back.
    I wouldn’t have done that normally, would have been too shy.
    It felt good.
    I felt seen and surrounded by friendly good-willed and non-threatening masculinity.
    It was nice.
    I am not longing so much anymore for things that aren’t meant to be.
    I let out a little sigh now and then for things that aren’t meant to be, and I release them into the Universe.
    I still feel sad but also accepting.
    It felt like all this attention tonight wanted to tell me:
    it’s not you. you are fine. you are perfect. keep doing what you are doing. we are with you.

    Thank you people.

  459.  #459Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Goddess Lily – wow ! Thank you

    i usually use it for one on one quiet time… like when i start feeling anxious sitting next to him in the car or couch and we’re listening to music (music helps with the open close hand dance rhythm thing)

    if you can do this at a mixer well wow! I want to learn … Ive felt a bit numbed out in big groups before…

  460.  #460Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Thanks Tam – Hehe yeah thats me sinking into my feelings with a man… its like a date is a Hypno Trigger for me to instant relaxation… that’s why i love them!

  461.  #461Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    “A man who cannot provide adventure (mentally and socially) for a woman will not be able to penetrate her mentally enough for her to want more.”

    Nicole Abundance

    WOW I GET IT! thats hwat im looking when i want to go out with a guy and ‘show off’ and be flashy

    Social Adventure! and its totally ok to want that!

    I def provide my own mental adventure hehe… a man who can add to that IS a turn on, but i don’t ‘need’ it – though used to think i did… only got that kinda attraction once every 7 years lol

    now im good with my own mental adventure

    i want to create my own social adventure to where i feel seen and wonderful the whole time… no unworthy feelings

  462.  #462Daria on October 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    men provide social adventure for me cuz his presence can make it ‘ok’ for me to feel safe and bold and free…

    i dont have to feel scared and therefore don’t feel numb in crowds

    it really helps me shine!

    i want to provide this to myself!

    without alcohol too that was my previous way

  463.  #463Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    I feel triggered and confused and judgemental at words like “take action” that some marketing ppl use

    *does not compute*

    i just noticed Rori doesn’t use them… no wonder i feel safe w her.. Rori is never about bs hehe

    i feel excited to use my own words to create tools and stuff! i feel so glad im aware of such things and won’t use ‘industry’ words that i don’t like, just cuz they’re common


  464.  #464Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm


    439 – I am waiting for my man, too! He will see my spirit and heart first, and he will love me through and through!

  465.  #465Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm


    460 – I agree! That’s a big reason I am attracted to R and not attracted to K.

  466.  #466Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm


    I really enjoyed your video! I would enjoy seeing a video of you actually interacting with a man…in the Rori Raye dance position! 🙂 How do you feel about that?

  467.  #467Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Radlove – wow thanks for the idea…! i was feeling curious about that… now that im hearing it from you i feel even more inspired!

  468.  #468Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Radlove – well my point was that im actually not needing men for mental adventure anymore… and im babystepping toward not relying on them for social adventure…

    so actually that’s freed me up to practice opening up to men who take good care of me, rather than focus on ‘getting’ those qualities from a man. And I am thinking i will FIND THOSE QUALITIES IN ANY MAN AS I LEARN TO SEE THEM IN EVERYMAN… 🙂 and staying in feminine and being curious will inspire them to come out of the man so i can see them

    oh this feels so exciting!

  469.  #469Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    the mental adventure thing was a reason i was so hanging on to Guywho

    i was picking men based on that, rather than on how well they treat me

    now that comes first, and i will inspire and be open to those adventure qualities in any man, even if i can’t see them at first

    and yay im getting more of the men who Do have them too! or maybe im seeing them in more men now already

    ohhh i feel happyyy

    plus watching this woman Nicole’s youtoube, i got inspired to stroke my face neck and heart to turn myself on gently, and want to practice doing this for myselt

  470.  #470MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    I want to practice more ways of gently turning myself on with my own touch! Thank you.

  471.  #471Radlove on October 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm


    Kool, I love your fresh perspectives!

  472.  #472Butterfly wings on October 9, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Oh I like that article Radlove! Thank you for sharing!

  473.  #473Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Getright man offered social adventure. He was always calling someone to hang out and we would always be meeting lots of people

    well Guywho also

    wow i didn’t quite get how common this is to make a man have me want him

    How can I give myself more social adventure?

    i feel scared!

  474.  #474Daria on October 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    hmmm my brothers offered me social adventure

    i fele helpless to create this for myself

    i can be flexible and then i won’t need to feel helpless


    i love your feelings

  475.  #475Turquoise on October 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I chatted with Mr. C. a little bit tonight over text, but it didn’t come up and I didn’t feel any desire to bring it up. He’s not doing anything wrong, this isn’t his fault. And the odd thing is, I DO believe what he tells me, I just still want more anyways. So, that is on me to figure out. He had a blah day at work…. really trying to get back into an old business he worked for, it’s sales related, and he’s had a few bad days with it. Last thing he needs is me saying that I’m not happy and he’s not giving me what I want, etc.

    So, I was supportive, but also stated that I knew he could handle this and that everything would be better tomorrow. He will figure things out.

    I on the other hand, have been open to anything and emailed with a few guys online today. Tonight at the school event, I made some eye contact… but didn’t want to look too much, mostly married. I have gotten some nice emails from the POF guy, and I’m going to call him… Wineguy for now… he owns a winery. Maybe if I meet him, I’ll switch it up. So, focus on me. My life, my happiness.

    If it feels like a good time to talk about things the next time I see him, I will. Otherwise, no rush. Even me talking about it isn’t going to change anything for him.

    1. He has been divorced for 1 month.
    2. He’s restarting a career.
    3. He’s getting back on his feet financially, but still a stress for him.
    4. He’s not ready for what I want. Period. End of discussion.

    So, taking my focus off the not ready guy and shifting it to myself. I hope I can work through my feelings and keep his friendship in my life. Just not daily. I need to decide on some boundaries that feel good to me, and do what it takes to stick to them.

  476.  #476Miss Bells on October 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    I offer myself social adventure.
    I have no problem going out alone.
    Even bad neighborhoods don’t phase me. Couldn’t be too much worse than where I ran away to at 14.

    Last night I had big fun at a political fund-raiser for a candidate I support. And I was surrounded by men.

  477.  #477Smile on October 9, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    It’s the middle of the night.

    I woke up and my mind started thinking. When im aware of it I switch my thinking to imagining my body made out of glass. Through the transparency you can see blue water swirling round my body.

    Then I remembered who taught me to do this. Ex of 10 years. I wanted to text him to tell I still pretend my body is glass and my blood is like the blue ocean swirling round my body. Then I felt a sense of great longing. I feel regret and great sadness. I am crying.

    I can’t remember. 3 years ago did I allow my self to feel my feelings. Hm, mostly I dealt with losing my best friend and lover since I was 14 by not thinking or feeling. Now I’m really crying.

    I miss him. We knew each other through and through. Now he is going through great pain. He is with his do over so he doesn’t feel the pressure to get married and have children from her because she has already done it with someone else and is now divorced. She has just been diagnosed with cancer. She is shutting him out.

    I can still remember what it was like to fall asleep together. We did so for 7 years, every night. I can remember where he liked to be stroked to fall asleep and where he soothed me. Our games we played. Now they are just memories. But they
    come with feeling now. I’m crying more.

    When we parted we always thought we would get back together. His mum and dad still hope for this. They bought me a diamond necklace for Xmas. Recently my best friend from university said she’s always hoping that one day we will get back together.

    I only have feelings of friendship now for him. But I miss him. He was all I knew until I was 24.

    I will keep riding on my horse. But sometimes it’s good to just stop riding for a min or two and chew some grass in the paddock.

    I’m ready to sleep again now. Night night x

  478.  #478MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:21 pm


    Sweet dreams, you are beautiful.

  479.  #479MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    I will not use FMs on my connection. Pffft. Feeling irritated to wait for someone half an hour in my car…

    Ahhh but I can use them with G when I get back and say how irked and irritated I felt to be kept waiting! :p

  480.  #480MissStix on October 9, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Oi. And this is the second time now I feel like I can see and feel sound in some way…It’s making me ache again. Pound pound. Had to turn off the radio. What is this? I am feeling so physically sensitive and I don’t really “enjoy” it…It’s intense. A lot. Too much. :/

  481.  #481Rori Raye on October 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Marian, Welcome – and the first step here is to stop trying to find fault with the situation or yourself and immerse yourself in the Tools you have in the programs you have – practice them with EVERYONE 24/7. What I hear is this: …”no matter how much I tried to connect with him…” and the word here that doesn’t work is “try” – which implies working at it, and initiating. The basic attitude to develop here is: Everyone’s okay. I’m okay, he’s okay. I’m even okay if I’m not with him. No one’s to blame for anything, because I’m responsible for the fact that I’m HERE in this relationship. From here – you go to what I call in my Love Forever program “Radical Accepting.” And you learn the tools for speaking the truth, you learn how to love yourself before you go chasing after him in anyway…Bottom line – you can’t really screw things up with the right man. Because it doesn’t matter who he is and who you are and what your individual “stuff” is – it only matters if you “mesh” in a good way for both of you. I know it’s hard to see things that way when you’re hurting – we’ve all been there – and yet, it’s the only way that works. Love, Rori

  482.  #482Smile on October 9, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    And now Im awake, I’m remembering all the stuff that left me feeling bad. And feeling My feelings around that.

    Love my triggers bringing new stuff up to heal. My feelings finally want out!

  483.  #483Smile on October 9, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    I am enough
    I deserve the greatest happiness
    I deserve a fulfilling relationship
    Being alone doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely.
    I am enough.
    I am enough
    I am enough

  484.  #484Miccy on October 10, 2012 at 12:03 am

    I caught myself pushing him away by “chasing” a man that I am absolutely crazy about and cannot stop thinking about. He also “gave” me alot but I always just follow it up with some more “chasing” and giving rather than just “receiving” and now I am trying to lean back, and it feels sooooo good, relaxing, just waiting to see if he is going to make a move. I have not heard from him in 3 days and I am ok with that, trying to spend my time concentrating on myself and what I want and what I think instead of caring what he thinks…just smiling to myself and loving myself… Its heaven, I feel so feminine, I feel so loved and relaxed.

  485.  #485Emerson on October 10, 2012 at 1:09 am

    345 interesting!
    I feel like beating myself up for “failing” at siren-ness in the past.

  486.  #486Emerson on October 10, 2012 at 1:13 am

    I feel scared that I’m not going to meet any CDs. I need to get out more. I feel closed off and tired. Working alot.

  487.  #487Emerson on October 10, 2012 at 1:15 am

    (((smile))) the sentiment you feel about your ex from 14 years old and up I can relate to. I feel that way by college ex.

  488.  #488MS on October 10, 2012 at 1:23 am

    I read Marian’s comments #437 and they really resonated with me as I have been in the same situation (see my earlier posts in this chain), as well as your response #482. I also read the comments by Evan Marc Katz posted by Radlove #471 about reaching out with acts of kindness, which has made me reflect. I know you stress not intiating contact but if you know someone you’ve been in a relationship with and communicated the relationship isn’t working for you is handling difficulties not associated with the relationship, should you reach out? I am not interested in chasing a relationship that is imaginary, but I still care about the person. I feel conflicted because I have already said ‘no friends’. Can you guide me?