We Need A New Name For This:

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Have Book 224A “Healthy” Relationship. A Non-Co-Dependent Relationship. A Non-Toxic Relationship…

Let’s come up with some NEW names for “what we want” that are inspiring!

Here are some I thought up – please add yours, and I’ll start writing about them…:

  • Interdependent Relationship
  • Evolving Relationship
  • Enlightened Relationship
  • Unbound Relationship
  • Untied Relationship
  • Moving Relationship
  • Journey Relationship
  • Heart-Centered Relationship(over-used…)
  • Open-Hearted Relationship
  • Two-Handed Relationship
  • Flowing Relationship
  • Transformational Relationship (overused…)
  • Expanding Relationship
  • Team Relationship
  • Awake Relationship
  • Conscious Relationship (WAY overused…)
  • Intentional Relationship
  • Expanded Relationship
  • Expansive Relationship
  • Pit-Crew Relationship (kinda like this…)
  • Inspired Relationship
  • Creative Relationship
  • Evolutional Relationship
  • Quality Relationship
  • Sack Race Relationship
  • Inventive Relationship
  • Empowered Relationship
  • Empowering Relationship
  • Evolutionary Relationship

Love, Rori

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249 Comments

  1.  #1LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 7:59 am

    Feeling Relationship



  2.  #2LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Love Felt Relationship



  3.  #3LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Amazing Relationship



  4.  #4LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:01 am

    Sexy Relationship
    πŸ™‚ could not resist that one!



  5.  #5LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Warm Relationship



  6.  #6LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Happy Relationship



  7.  #7LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Relationship Bubble ?



  8.  #8LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:04 am

    I Like Inspired Relationship too



  9.  #9Femininewoman on February 27, 2014 at 8:06 am

    Evolutiionary Relationship



  10.  #10LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:07 am

    I want a balanced-love relationship



  11.  #11LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:11 am

    A Wonderful Relationship



  12.  #12LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:12 am

    Satisfying Relationship



  13.  #13LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Receiving Relationship



  14.  #14LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:18 am

    Fabulous Relationship



  15.  #15LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:21 am

    Lasting Relationship



  16.  #16LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:22 am

    Inspiring Relationship



  17.  #17LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:28 am

    Exquisite Relationship



  18.  #18LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:28 am

    Living Relationship



  19.  #19LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:29 am

    Masculine Feminine Relationship



  20.  #20LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:30 am

    Embracing Relationship



  21.  #21LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Content Relationship



  22.  #22Syreena on February 27, 2014 at 9:01 am

    Enlightened relationship.



  23.  #23MovingMagic on February 27, 2014 at 9:46 am

    A Dancing Relationship. πŸ˜‰



  24.  #24April Rose on February 27, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Harmonious Love-Team



  25.  #25April Rose on February 27, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Epressive relationship



  26.  #26April Rose on February 27, 2014 at 10:17 am

    I meant ‘expressive’ relationship

    MovingMagic, yours is my favourite so far.
    Dancing Relationship …. mmmm, feels luscious



  27.  #27April Rose on February 27, 2014 at 10:19 am

    LoveAlways,
    I want many of the things in my relationship, that you said. I want it to feel wonderful, satisfying, inspiring, sexy and living.
    What single word includes all those, I wonder….



  28.  #28April Rose on February 27, 2014 at 10:21 am

    Frictionless relationship

    Uplifting union



  29.  #29LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 10:51 am

    April Rose, Fantastic?



  30.  #30Femininewoman on February 27, 2014 at 11:59 am

    Bob Grant

    “The two words that cause nearly every man to feel closer to you are these:

    β€œI’M LISTENING.”

    Here’s why these words have such an impact on his heart. Most women can multitask. They can listen easily even when they are focusing on something else. The problem for a man is that once he begins opening up, it feels really vulnerable.

    He not only needs you to listen, but he also wants to feel like you’re listening. He needs some sort of cue from you that what he’s saying is important or that you’re interested. Don’t expect him to think like a woman and just “know” you’re listening.

    I want you to get credit when you pay attention to what he’s saying. Rather than drop everything you are doing, all you need to do is remember the two magic words above and when to say them.

    Here’s what it looks like:
    When he’s talking, at some point he’ll likely pause or just stop talking. He’s not sure if you’re paying attention. When you hear that pause, that is your chance to draw him closer to you. When he does pause, wait a second, and then look directly at him. In your softest most enchanting whisper say, “I’m listening.”
    He’ll get goose bumps when he hears you say those words that will open his heart to you. Why?

    Because it’s unexpected. Because your soft whisper will penetrate his heart deeper than you spending an hour telling him how much you like him.

    Because it will make him feel that you understand him. Don’t expect him to tell you what I just described- just trust me on that. When you make a man feel this kind of connection, he doesn’t want to talk about it…he wants to enjoy it.”



  31.  #31Kyla on February 27, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    I feel grateful for the immense kindness in people today. I feel so very happy and blessed and grateful that I can’t stop crying.



  32.  #32Mandy on February 27, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    How about:

    A relationship that allows one to truly be themselves, have their own thoughts, space, decisions, opinions, feelings and rational free will if they so choose, and to be actually liked-loved-respected for it…

    Feelin’ me? πŸ™‚

    On that note, I’m going to take a bit of personal space and go for a short walk…:)



  33.  #33Cris on February 27, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Inspiring!



  34.  #34Liquid Light on February 27, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Fun!



  35.  #35Olivia on February 27, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    I’ve been feeling really bad about my relationship lately. We’re moving in together and I’m panicking!!!! He has so many good masculine qualities and does his best to treat me so well but I can see how blocked he is be how hard it is for him to be vulnerable and open. Like sometimes he snaps at me and he has issues making eye contact. This post makes me feel better….it’s an evolving relationship. Lets move in and see how it evolves….



  36.  #36Zara on February 27, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    Β«Liberating relationshipΒ»

    xxx



  37.  #37Lisa on February 27, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    Just checking in and been very involved with “J”…he calls almost every night… texts me cute little notes through the day…

    says he is crazy for me… hehheeee

    we had our first bump in the road… and it was so nice to lean back and see what happened.. he e-mailed then texted me to talk and then he initiated the convo…. and said he doesn’t break communication when in a relationship and that he needs to know that his partner will communicate with him to work things out… I’m all over that one!

    I’m floored he is so communicative and proactive…… and yet he is so masculine too… so Alpha….

    I let him lead and that feels good, he likes it… and it seems to flow … his way… I learned to lighten up on my way of dating and let him just do it his way and see how that felt and it feels good…. I feel secure… he makes sure I feel secure… and there is a balance between us.

    I can’t help but sometimes feel it it too good to be true… no sex yet…. I’m still waiting and that feels right…

    he lets me know when he wants me to lean forward some… I do…

    He asks me to talk the other night b/c he said, I’m so good at allowing him to talk and I listen… and that feels good to him… so he said tonight I want to be the one to listen… you have the floor baby… so cute…

    I have no idea where this is leading, I don’t spend time concerning myself with it…he talks about marriage, so I feel good that it is on his mind far more than mine…

    I really am not having to do anything… and when I feel I have NV’s and urges to – I just relax and wait … it passes….

    I feel like I’m not sugar coating this one.. ( but who knows maybe I am) for now though this man is the most amazing thus far… OMG he puts the others to shame….

    he is out of town this weekend and I don’t feel the least bit anxious …. it feels nice to be in a space of loving myself enough to be happy doing my own thing… with or without him….

    so my name for a relationship would be: fulfilling relationship

    OXOXOX



  38.  #38Sylvia on February 27, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    How about a God-centered relationship. Truly the most complete kind of commitment.



  39.  #39LoveAlways on February 27, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    Lisa that is so beautiful!



  40.  #40Melene on February 27, 2014 at 8:06 pm

    Sensitive Relationship



  41.  #41Millie on February 27, 2014 at 8:06 pm

    A flowing relationship.



  42.  #42Emerson on February 27, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    Cozy relationship



  43.  #43Syreena on February 28, 2014 at 3:46 am

    True soul matched partnership.



  44.  #44Turquoise on February 28, 2014 at 5:29 am

    Oh my…. Faced with a bit of a dilemma. Piano man and I have some mutual friends. One wants to set me up with a mutual friend of theirs. This feels like high school, and is not a situation I’ve had to deal with in a long time. One the one hand… It was brief and he may not even care, and it would just be a date, but on the other, feels awkward to think of being on a date and running into PM, who I still really like. Maybe too close or too soon. What do you think sirens?



  45.  #45Syreena on February 28, 2014 at 5:35 am

    Turquoise, Do you want to go on a date that has been set up by a friend of yours?



  46.  #46Femininewoman on February 28, 2014 at 6:05 am

    Turquoise can you think of dating as being just for fun? I saw one of the coaches on here (maybe Helena) recently saying when she switched to telling herself to have fun on dates things changed for her. I would suggest not analyzing things so much and get out of your head. PianoMan was and is a stranger regardless of how much you like him. It was just a date. This one also will be just a date. That’s it. I say go out and have fun. It doesn’t matter whose friend it is unless it is your husband’s best friend. Otherwise forget the analytics and just go have fun. You might meet someone while out there. None of those guys own you so I don’t see why you should hand yourself to them on a silver platter.



  47.  #47Linda on February 28, 2014 at 6:43 am

    @30 – I am going to remember and use that one ! I am a multi tasker royal!

    I was told so many times in my last relationship that I wasnt listening. I heard everything he said.. and he communicated a lot. I discovered that he expected full eye contact when he was speaking and if you didnt then you were disinterested and he was AGAIN subsequently not important to me. He would stop talking and brood. I was ever stiving to meet that expectation. It was so tiring and stressful.

    If I run into that again… I will try that.



  48.  #48Leo on February 28, 2014 at 6:56 am

    How new is the new e-book? I’ve already bought the 2dn edition, but is it a new-new book?

    amazing-beautiful-timeless-free-choosen relationship



  49.  #49Iris on February 28, 2014 at 7:06 am

    Ha! “Sack Race Relationship”. I like that one!



  50.  #50Veronica on February 28, 2014 at 7:43 am

    Ever-unfolding relationship



  51.  #51April Rose on February 28, 2014 at 8:11 am

    Linda,
    Reading about your ex makes me feel – ugh. It makes me wonder if that is what it’s like for a man dealing with a demanding, needy woman. This man sounds so needy and feminine energy to me.



  52.  #52April Rose on February 28, 2014 at 8:12 am

    Easy Loveboat



  53.  #53Veronica on February 28, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Walked into a house with six men working there (artworks were being packaged to be transported). And no pressure I just said hi and smiled and went about enjoying all the beautiful objects. After a while, the artist’s friend arrived and the three of us had tea and chatted – I’ve had so much practice today listening – and they just poured out their words. And I felt so in my body (yay) and when there were moments that I could judge, I chose not to. It was as though by being in my body there was open space between us to pour out into. I couldn’t get much in, which I’m fine with because I wanted to listen today. And eye-contact while listening so carefully is intense! The artist is a gentleman – exceptional manners and very considerate.



  54.  #54Turquoise on February 28, 2014 at 8:45 am

    I do feel open to going out with my friend, her boyfriend and meeting new people. Maybe my comment about high school wasn’t clear. Do you remember how in high schools there are some girls who just date one guy after another in a group of guys? People talk, you get a reputation… Can be bad. I live in a very very small town. Two weeks ago I was out at local bars with PM, and he knew everyone in there, introduced me to a lot of people, etc. so to go in 2 weeks later with another local guy, who knows PM reminds me of high school. Mostly because it’s so soon. This isn’t about being all in my head or over anlyizing… It’s about being concerned if I should fish in my small pond, and open myself up to “talk”. I have kids, my reputation is important to me. Rori says there are millions of men out there…. Just want to broaden my pond. I will go out with them though, in a group type activity. That sounds fun to me. πŸ™‚

    FW, I don’t get the silver platter reference. That I’m making it easy?



  55.  #55Turquoise on February 28, 2014 at 9:20 am

    I’m going to go out with them next weekend, will feel better in a group, since I know nothing about him! I’m so used to online dating and having a profile to look at.

    So, I do have a date for drinks tomorrow night. Seems nice, lives a little further away than i would like, but he’s coming to me. He seems sort of boring. Hoping in person is better. He even said he’s kinda boring when I asked about his interests. πŸ™‚

    Maybe a breakfast date tomorrow with another guy, realized we talked before, I’m not attracted to him in pictures. But I know that can change. I’m definitely not overly excited or have any kind of expectations. Just an opportunity to meet someone new, maybe some good conversation and I can practice. I need to practice staying present and not over sharing.



  56.  #56Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 9:56 am

    This post made me think about the kind of relationship I want.

    And I think I’ve been feeling, for over a year now, that the kind of relationship I want and desire, is not the kind most women or people want.

    When I think of the relationship I want, it is one in which I have a lot of freedom – not in terms of being with other men, but in terms of having lots of adventures by myself. I don’t necessarily want to share all of those with my partner, or with anybody.

    I want to be able to come home to him. For him to be my rock, and my solid anchor – the soothing body I curl up next to at night, who holds me in a relaxed and solid way and doesn’t try to clip my wings or curb my adventures in any way.

    I want him to be my person, that presence in my life who is home to me, whom I will always come back to and who will always come back to me, who just understands, where there is an unbreakable connection between us without too much having to be said.

    That I can be far apart for days, and miss him… and yet be glad for the distance despite my missing him, and wrap him in my arms when I come back again, and then I can gently drift to just over there… where we are still together in the same house, yet two distinct people.

    He will always come back to me and I will always come back to him, yet we have our own adventures… and sometimes we have adventures together, and this is extra special.

    And he knows there is no other person in the world for him but me, and I know there is no other person in the world for me but him. And we are relaxed, and contented, and strong, and together, yet apart each being our own unique person.

    This is what I long for.



  57.  #57Turquoise on February 28, 2014 at 10:02 am

    I really felt like I needed some closure from piano man, since it’s been 2 weeks since I’ve seen him. So last night I just talked out loud while driving in the car and said thank you for a fun couple weeks, I really enjoyed getting to know him, and wish it had lasted longer. I hope it won’t feel awkward if we happen to run into each other. I blew a kiss to the air and said take care. I needed to say my goodbye, without leaning forward and saying it to him. It’s not for him, his silence shows me where he is… But it was for me and I feel better.



  58.  #58Turquoise on February 28, 2014 at 10:05 am

    I wish I hadn’t him when I was in a better place, but he was exactly what I needed in the moment. I wasn’t my best self, forgot some siren ways and I believe it came across as me wanting an instant relationship. No beating myself up though. The distraction helped me deal with a world of pain, and I’m grateful. I am starting to feel a lot more like myself. February had a lot of ups and downs. Glad it’s over!! πŸ™‚



  59.  #59Dominique on February 28, 2014 at 10:08 am

    Indigo – 55 – SO beautiful. You CAN have this. I didn’t think I would ever find this, yet deep down when I dared, I dreamed of it. And just when I thought my life would never change, it did, and lo and behold, K walked right in after.

    xxoo



  60.  #60Cris on February 28, 2014 at 10:22 am

    @Indigo this is beautiful and is part of being you
    , I don’t share everything…

    Just realizing BEING at least at the early stages is like DOING as it requires a lot of effort and discipline. Feeling that the reaction BEING —- > DOING can reverse at any time

    I continue my journey and hope I will relax and really BE some day..



  61.  #61Cris on February 28, 2014 at 10:25 am

    @Turquoise I loved what you said πŸ™‚



  62.  #62Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Dominique,

    Thank you, and I have to say, your story gives me hope on almost a daily basis.

    I feel deep down in my core, that I only need to wait and I will have this.

    I’ve learnt so much grace and patience in this process from you!

    x



  63.  #63Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 10:58 am

    Cris, thank you πŸ™‚ and you are so right about BEing. Once you get the hang of it, however, you’ll wonder how you were ever any other way



  64.  #64Turquoise on February 28, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Thanks Cris πŸ™‚ I just keep taking deep breaths, smiling at strangers, making eye contact and admiring myself in the mirror. It feels pretty much like I’ll never meet someone who makes my world spin, and they feel the same way. But I’m wishing for it, conjuring up good thoughts and visions… trying to see myself in a wondrous relationship. Trying to feel what it would feel like, to have that commitment and consistency. Maybe if I can imagine it, it can materialize? I guess I’ll find out!



  65.  #65Linda on February 28, 2014 at 11:00 am

    April rose…. It is exactly what I felt. Like I was living on a mirror planet. He is masculine in lots of way… but emotionally ummm not so much. You dont get that impression from the get go from him.. but as life goes on… he is sooo needy. I learned first hand why relationships dont work and why us ladies should not behave like that for sure! If that is what my message was to learn from the relationship.. I got the message loud and clear. SOO soooo awful

    Indigo @55… I feel like you must be my twin soul. This is what I want so much too. I want a man to offer his blessing over me and not control me. I want to adventure together with him too but not all the time. I just cant be smothered.

    Turquoise… I do that kind of stuff all the time. It feels good.. I have to be careful though because I will do it when I should be addressing things with people but stuff when I shouldnt.



  66.  #66Linda on February 28, 2014 at 11:03 am

    I believe if Dominique can have it… so can I!



  67.  #67Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 11:08 am

    So, minor newsflash…

    I have been spending a bit of time with D recently, nothing major, no big deal.

    And I can’t help noticing how different it is now. He brings me things, snacks and tea, and fusses around me wanting to know if everything’s alright… He pulls me into his arms for a cuddle and just seems to enjoy being close to me.

    But the biggest difference is in how I feel. I don’t care that much any more. It’s not that I love him any less, but I’m much, MUCH less affected by things. Things don’t hassle or bother me. I’ve fallen so deeply in love with the rest of my life that if he’s doing or saying (or not doing or saying) something I don’t like or which feels off, instead of feeling hurt or getting triggered, I think “oh well” and I leave and go off and do something else, and get absorbed in that.

    I finally clicked. This is MY life, and just because I love him does not mean I need to hand over the power to him of what I feel and what I do. I can choose to enjoy the enjoyable parts, and still get wrapped up in the rest of my life and keep being open to what comes along, and keep searching for what I want.

    Our connection feels purer, things have been calm and happy and easy, because I don’t get drawn in. Even though they don’t seem to be going anywhere at the moment, it just doesn’t matter so much πŸ™‚



  68.  #68April Rose on February 28, 2014 at 11:11 am

    Indigo and Linda,

    That is what I want too.
    A relationship full of trust, freedom, and unclaustrophobic togetherness.
    I love my own adventures πŸ™‚



  69.  #69April Rose on February 28, 2014 at 11:12 am

    A real-ationship!!



  70.  #70Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 11:13 am

    Aw Linda, I feel a great kinship and resonance with you too.

    I am glad you know what I mean.

    I too just simply cannot be smothered… yes, a man to offer his blessing over me…

    I believe we can have this!



  71.  #71April Rose on February 28, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Indigo 66

    I feel chirruppy like a sweetly singing bird, reading your post.



  72.  #72April Rose on February 28, 2014 at 11:18 am

    One of the best things about my relationship with WM is that I never feel smothered. Ha! In fact, quite the opposite!



  73.  #73Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 11:20 am

    Thank you dear April Rose πŸ™‚ that is such a sweet analogy!



  74.  #74Valarie O'Ryan on February 28, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Indigo #66, yay!

    I felt so lit up reading your post.

    This is EXACTLY what circular dating is all about – building YOUR life so that it feels so luscious & full, a man coming in is simply a bonus.

    And, when you feel like this, HE almost always does show up πŸ™‚

    Love, ~Valarie



  75.  #75Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Thank you Valarie πŸ™‚

    I get it now πŸ™‚ I really do own this truth for me



  76.  #76T.Bradley on February 28, 2014 at 11:39 am

    Indigo-66,
    That has to be a awesome feeling!!!!! Im getting there slowly!



  77.  #77Liquid Light on February 28, 2014 at 11:43 am

    Architect seems like he is really excited about me which is really sweet. But scary too. Reminding myself to breath and be calm. I get a little overwhelmed when guys come on really strong (and I’m not just referring to the sexual part either.)



  78.  #78Linda on February 28, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    My life was full like your Indigo. This time last year I was feeling so vibrant and happy. I am hoping to soon be there again.

    I have learned so much about me over the last few years and relationships. Pain does cause growth in us. Even thru the yucky stuff. There was some really wonderful things that I experienced in my last relationship. I will always cherish those things.

    I am not looking or expecting perfection.. but my heart yearns to know a deep abiding peace within my spirit with my man. Even in the midst of upheaval or difficulties it will be there. mmmmm the dream of that makes me feel content.



  79.  #79Dominique on February 28, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Indigo – 61 – πŸ™‚

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  80.  #80Dominique on February 28, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    Linda – 65 – I believe it too. πŸ™‚

    xxoo



  81.  #81Andrea on February 28, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Last night in my dreams I was standing with a man and he was handing me little bells. He was saying, “Andrea, I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to marry you to sounds of these chimes.”
    Then he would tinkle one of the little bells and a dainty little chime would ring. He was talking all about the sounds and our wedding and how our first child should have a significant name, he thought at first of my middle name but then he wanted something that had a better sound to it…
    And I was just feeling the bliss, feeling waves of wonder and love and blisfullness because he was putting so much thought into marriage with me. I felt touched and the sensations of rolling energy waves going up and down my heart, chest, belly..
    “He wants to marry me.” And a little bell would go off.

    Oh this morning I have just felt cheerful and light and tinkling, twinkling, glowing.

    I wonder what’s coming….. : )

    I love this post. It’s making me pause and feel which of the new relationship names really resonate with me. I want a partnership, so I really like PIt crew, or sack race relationship. And I love what Indigo was sharing about feeling independently ecstatic with or without the man. It all feels so good today.



  82.  #82prplpsn28 on February 28, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    πŸ™‚



  83.  #83Femininewoman on February 28, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Yeah Turquoise just because a guy dates you it doesn’t mean he gets all of you. He has to work for the prize. PM was only 2 weeks long. I loved how you talked to him and threw kisses in the air. Love it.

    It also had a sense of finality to it. Like if he showed back up it would be too late because you had already moved on.



  84.  #84Millie on February 28, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    Indigo 55 I am down with that!!!!
    That sounds pretty perfect to me…..I’ve never been someone that wants a guy I’m with to do everything with me. I don’t want to be together 24/7. Perhaps that is another reason why I’m not in a relationship. I don’t like the clingy feeling some guys give off or like all of a sudden you are expected to spend 24/7 with them. Um….no. Great post!!



  85.  #85Turquoise on February 28, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    FW, I thought about it and didn’t want it to be final…. So it was a goodbye for now. I know I only knew him a short time, but I don’t know if it’s pheromones or what…. But wow. I am really attracted to him.

    It was the first time in a really long time I felt that attracted to someone. Which, is good… Because I had forgotten what that felt like.

    Mr. Conversation came over for a little bit tonight. He looked great, and I told him that, but I realized I’m not the least bit interested in him as more than a friend now.



  86.  #86Mandy on February 28, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    Dealing with no sex again and he won’t even shoot my photo (as I’ve stated he’s a photographer and i’m a model.) He said a shoot with me would be my Valentine’s Day present….it never happened. Then when I asked again if we were going to do it, he said he wanted to shoot his model/stripper friend first because he shot me last and he doesn’t want to be “Mandy’s personal photographer” as he so bluntly put it. I told him just not to worry about it and I even went so far as to setting up the shoot with his friend for him. I told him I feel awful about the whole thing and I feel I want to tell him I don’t ever want to shoot with him again…

    Weird I know not many couples are artists and a muse. But this is how it plays out sometimes when there is a couple like that…

    Can anyone help me? I feel so blah, boring, uninteresting, plain and just down and sad. No sex, no shoots…which is what we did all the time when we first met! I feel so down…



  87.  #87LoveAlways on February 28, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    Oh, I was so triggered, something stirred me deep.mim avoiding the feelings . . . And my damn head won’t let go of the thoughts. This is a rough one. I need to process. Feeling frantic. I don’t want to be weak but I need to feel this storm brewing in me. I want to run and hide. Batten down the hatches, she’s headed for rough seas



  88.  #88Lisa on February 28, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    Thanks! @ Love Always <3 <3



  89.  #89Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    Millie and Andrea,

    I’m so glad you resonate πŸ™‚



  90.  #90Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    T Bradley,

    It’s a gradual process, and it took me a very, very long time.



  91.  #91Indigo on February 28, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Mandy 85,

    I have to wonder why you told him not to worry about it and went ahead and set up the shoot with his friend, if you were really feeling sad?

    I ask because this is something I used to do, and I realized it was my way of protecting myself and avoiding feeling my real feelings.

    If this were me now, I would experiment with what just sitting with my authentic feelings feels like, and seeing what they are trying to say. Actually if this were me now, I would probably ask him if he would be willing to pay for me to go and have a shoot with one of his photographer friends instead, since he doesn’t want to be known as “my personal photographer”!



  92.  #92Cris on March 1, 2014 at 12:03 am

    (((Mandy))))

    I Agree with Indigo…why DOING what it is maybe painful for you? (I mean arranging the other shooting for him). In those moments of dissapointment is good to take care of yourself…

    xoxo



  93.  #93Mandy on March 1, 2014 at 2:27 am

    Indigo,

    I think I did it because…in hind sight…which is always unfortunately 20/20……

    I felt I was being a “good sport” a “good girlfriend”, “cool” or just making an effort because he says he hates doing written/oral biz communication and I just took the initiative because I rationalized, if he got it done with her, he’d do my shoot. And I’m good at written/oral communication.

    (Which if I do that, it OBVIOUSLY doesn’t guarantee he’ll go and do the shoot with me which I want from him, which I’m realizing as I write this!!!)

    I wanted my shoot with him so bad, I just got the shoot between he and the other model going in order to get mine going fast…just getting the god-forsaken ball rolling!!!

    IN ALL HONESTY….All J really does is sleeps until 5 pm, wakes up, drinks rum cocktails, smokes cigarettes and watches movies…and if I choose not to watch the movies with him, he feels disconnected from me, and then he either goes outside to read a book for hours, or just chooses to pass out on my bed, which I provided for our apartment.

    Any freelance gigs he gets, are gigs I have set up for him by email/phone call. Any verbal/written communication for it is done by me. I wake him up, stay in the vicinity of where he’s doing his freelance Photoshop/editing work to make sure he’s comfy and doesn’t have panic attacks, do the business negotiation of payment for the job, and thank the client, and say our byes for him.

    I’m glad to do the business portion..don’t get me wrong! I love it! It makes me feel powerful as a disabled person…

    It’s just…I feel like he does NOTHING AT ALL!

    I tried to tell him about this Rori blog because when I was sharing on here, he heard my keystrokes and thought I was talking to a bunch of guys and cheating on him. So I had to tell him I was doing self-help with a group of women which he felt must have been a group of women who had no idea how to be a SIREN…WOW…HUGE Prejudgement and MISJUDGEMENT on his part!

    SO you can all imagine how I felt…defensive as HELL, knowing everyone here has had good training, and he’ be shocked and knocked out at the answers the SIRENS here would deliver him, in all their FEMININE grace and confidence!!!!!

    It’s obvious he does not feel good about himself.

    I know he isn’t the only photographer in my city, and I can EASILY get shoots with others, possibly better than him. What of that? What if I waltz into the apartment after a shoot, and show him my magazine quality shots from someone he hasn’t heard of, but knocks his socks off with their photography? I can make this happen…so what do you think, should I? Is it fair, or is it evil, Indigo? πŸ™‚

    My dad, most masculine man I know and ever will, told me I CANNOT even TRY to attempt to lean back with this man, or everything will fall apart, because I am the one who makes things happen, and am capable.

    BUT he is cooking dinner, soothing me when I feel anxious, and being calm, respectful and having manners and a soul…this means EVERYTHING to me…NO ONE has ever given this to me before…it is ABOVE AND BEYOND anything I’ve ever had; his energy is COMING TOWARDS me…people tell us they wish they had what we have all the time, about how we look at each other like we’re BOTH certain we are looking at an angel. PLEASE trust me when I say this.

    But still, I am reminded every day by people who have my best interest in mind…He has no job (even though they don’t know he agrees to get one after he gets meds for his tummy issues) my parents are paying our rent (which will be fixed when he gets a job), he never wants to be intimate (which Tinque says should be possibly improved when he’s working) and he regretfully asks me to pay for his alcohol and tobacco habits, which add up to almost $2,000/year (which will be fixed when he gets a job…)

    I have seen him get on health insurance due to Obamacare, he has gotten a phone, and has told me he agrees to get a job once he is seen by a doctor for his chronic vomiting/diarrhea which happens at least 3/4 days out of a month, lasting at least 24 hours during an episode but at most 48 hours, which renders him incapable of holding a job. (I am PROUD AS HELL I finally had the FREAKING DAMN GUTS to tell him to get a job and I need to give myself a reward for it!!!!! I’m not the usual straight-up, hard woman, I hint and coo and sigh and sing, but this was a big thing saying I need help!)

    Okay that was dramatic but I FEEL IT. He’s a GREAT GUY…he just needs a doc and some help! Like in the toxic man program…he’s GOOD on the inside but needs help! I need the toxic men program so bad…



  94.  #94Mandy on March 1, 2014 at 2:48 am

    Cris – thank you so much for your concern…it really makes me feel like my feelings are valid. As I explained in such a complex manner to Indigo…well…in that post it seems to make some sense to me! πŸ™‚



  95.  #95Kim on March 1, 2014 at 3:43 am

    Hello I’m in need of help. My man of 4 1/2 years just ended our relationship less than a week ago? Here is my story: He is the love of my life started dating when I had a 2 month old son, which by the way the sperm donor signed away rights to at birth. My man took him on as his own, this is his dad and all he knows. After dating 6 months moved in together. A year into our relationship I lost my job & my man travels a lot for work so we decided together for me to be a stay at home mother & travel with him. We traveled with him for 3 years & have been back together in our home for 4 months now. I have been looking for work with no luck & he acted as if it was no big deal he makes plenty of money. We’ll a week ago he decides to tell me it’s not working we need to end this relationship, he can’t give me what I want. Says he loves me, just not in love with me anymore? But will support me financially until I get a job & wants to continue to be the father he is to our son even though he has no legal obligation!! I’m so broken and hurt I don’t understand how someone can love u but not be in love with u?? I need to know the secret or spell to make him love me again? I would do anything for this man and just want to have my family together not broken. Because obviously in this situation it’s difficult with him not really having the legal obligation to our son. I want what’s best for our son I mean it’s his dad legal or not. I’m just scared to lose him forever and for what it could do to our son. If we don’t end up back together where does that leave our son.? Is dad going to come around for the next month, next year, next 5???? What if he ends up in a new relationship and just stops coming around all together??? How do I explain that to my son? He is 4 1/2 just doesn’t understand now just tells me he is sad cause he misses daddy and tells EVERYONE AROUND daddy doesn’t love mom anymore but he still loves me?AND THAT JUST HURTS ME TO THE CORE! Help me please what do? how do I get him to fall in love with me again! Or do I just give up and move on and. Not let him see our kid? Just so scared of what can happened in this situation once again since he has no legal obligation if he ups and walks away a day or 4 years from now it’s me stuck picking up the pieces and explaining this mess to my son???? Help please anyone have any advice.

    FYI- I’m sickened to have to take his $ to support us when he isn’t even with us??? Job hunting sucks and everyone knows u can barely live on $9 how the hell do u raise a kid on that? Broke, lost & confused



  96.  #96Veronica on March 1, 2014 at 8:07 am

    A beautiful man helped me today in the store – I enjoyed his energy. He asked quietly what I needed to get and when I showed him, he lifted up the packs of cooldrinks so I could get the ones I needed. But his energy was so kind – hm beautiful man. Feeling warm tenderness and smiling. Thank you to that man. His energy is what I remember most : )



  97.  #97Turquoise on March 1, 2014 at 9:03 am

    Has anyone tried Chridtian Carter’s natural and lasting attraction program. I do not have $240 to spend on a program, but was curious if it worked for anyone.



  98.  #98Shannon P. on March 1, 2014 at 9:29 am

    Symphonious Union



  99.  #99Dominique on March 1, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Mandy – 85 – You told him how you feel which is awesome. Telling him you don’t ever want to shoot with him though would be cutting off your nose to spite your face, wouldn’t it? It’s not really what you want.

    I understand this hurts, yet I also understand his point too. Can you? This has nothing to do with you at all.

    So you feel blah, boring, and plain, sad. There’s nothing wrong with these feelings. They’re simply feelings we all have, and like all feelings, they will pass if you allow them, love them even.

    Can you find something of your own to shift this in you? An activity whether it be a self care ritual or a hobby or a walk in Nature or something else, something, anything which will fill you up in other ways if only a little? Or maybe you have a friend you can be with, someone who inspires smiles and laughter.

    And try ti remember that he loves you in his way which may be difficult to feel sometimes, yet it is there.

    xxoo



  100.  #100Turquoise on March 1, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Does anyone know how you can get your ebook password resent to you? I don’t have my password anymore and want to re-read my ebook. I feel like going back to the basics and starting fresh.



  101.  #101Femininewoman on March 1, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    I have some of CCarter’s work but not that one. I have From Casual to Committed and some of his interviews.

    I would suggest sending an email to Rori’s assistant Melanie asking if they can reset your password. Do you have the email where they confirmed the order?



  102.  #102Debbie on March 1, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    Successful Relationships or The Laws of Successful Relationships: Attitude is everything! Success is in the management of the decision.



  103.  #103April Rose on March 1, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    I am ready to receive more than WM offers me.

    I am done with feeling frustrated.

    I want my femininity valued and celebrated in my relationships. I don’t want to be the only one doing that, feeling like I’m almost ‘fighting’ for it. This is happening with WM, with my brother, with work colleagues. I feel ready to walk away from all these men. Into better feeling, sweetly true to my heart vibrational resonance.

    It doesn’t feel feminine to not be recognised consistently as the deeply receptive, feeling, intuitive creature that I am.
    The resulting frustration often leads to me expressing myself in masculine ways. Which does not feel good. I intend to break this pattern.

    I feel stuck. Knowing what I want. And living with what I don’t want.



  104.  #104Kyla on March 1, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    (((April Rose)))
    “I feel stuck. Knowing what I want. And living with what I don’t want.” This is where I am right now too.



  105.  #105Kyla on March 1, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Archer is whining through text that I blew him off (over 2 wks ago I had other plans by the time he tried to arrange a date) I am using feeling messages with him about arranging my free time around my kids and feeling happy having fun things to look forward to but all I’m getting back is that he had fun planned for me and that I make it hard for a man to surprise me. Hmmmm.. maybe I do make it hard for them to surprise me but with 2 kids fulltime, little family support and an ex that lives in a different country, babysitters and free time are precious to me. They can surprise me once they’ve arranged the date πŸ™‚



  106.  #106April Rose on March 1, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    ((((((Kyla)))))

    You feel so soft and expressive. It makes me feel puzzled that a beautiful (inside and outside) woman like you doesn’t have all she wants.
    May it come soon.



  107.  #107Lisa on March 1, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    Hummm where to begin…

    “J” has been talking about vulnerability and turned me on to a book about it…. we talk extensively about relationships etc… what makes them work etc… which feels great since I’m into that… but!

    I realized tonight in our convo that, he ( and has been all along ) been evasive and I’ve been ok with it up til now b/c things were new… but! When talking about having sex and getting more intimate… being exclusive etc….then that means taking things to a deeper level…

    He isn’t ready for that…. it’s clear to me… that when he asks me a personal question, I answer it b/c I want to be vulnerable and I want to create trust. I notice when I ask him personal questions, he beats around and even tonight blatantly made a point to answer the question in a way to make it flattering to me… and totally didn’t answer the question.

    So, well I’m clear now what is going on.. I caught myself when he was saying the sweetest things to me tonight just melting and feeling so wonderful and yet, the actions aren’t backing it up. He said tonight ” I might want to see you Wed night to get my Lisa fix” what do you think about that? When I said that would be nice. Then he said well I might just wait until Sat. on our scheduled date. I had this pit in my stomach. So sure he has been calling me lots, talking to me for hours…saying amazing things to me, but he isn’t being very open with me about his life, etc. I can’t engage in a sexual relationship with a man that isn’t being open about his life etc.

    I mean anyone can say things that appear to be vulnerable ( who knows if they are or not) but true vulnerability is something that goes beyond words…

    and I did say that ( I might be sugar coating things) well no I haven’t I just haven’t seen all of him and I think that his inability to be committal to a date is very slim.

    Part of me feels so stupid… and yet, the other part of me feels like, I recognize this early on…. good for me…

    Falling in love I haven’t done with this man… and I’m proud of me for catching myself falling for his words instead of his actions…and it hit me hard tonight….

    and I’m fighting the urge to just break it off with him tonight…

    OXOXO



  108.  #108Tereana on March 1, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    Interdependent is one of my faves

    MovingMagic, I like Dancing Relationship, too!..



  109.  #109Tereana on March 1, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    Ladies, I still feel myself struggling with this “ownership” idea. M has no problem saying that I am “his.” And he says he can’t wait for the day when I will claim him as ‘Mine.’ But for me, that day, if it comes, if it will, will be the day I marry him. I mean, that’s the day, for me. All the rest is prelude, but I can’t get locked into that. Or something.

    But this resistance is deep. I feel like this righteous indignation, “you can’t ‘own’ a person!”

    And yet, it’s not ownership, really. It’s claiming. To ‘be’ someone else’s is to belong. I know how much I want to belong.

    Why is it so hard for me to ‘claim’ him, too? Why the resistance? Why not just do it?

    I feel like I need to mull this over some more. It’s nice that he is away for 2 weeks. Gives me a chance to sort a this stuff out. He texted me as soon as his plane landed, though. So it’s almost like he’s still here. Lol

    Anyway, any feedback/thoughts on the “ownership” issue from the Siren Island gallery?



  110.  #110Lisa on March 1, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    @Tereana I totally agree I grew up with a father that indeed said and felt like he owned her she is his property…. that makes me want to puke!!!

    and I also recognize that in the english language that, mine doesn’t really mean ownership… I suppose it is all in the intent a person has…

    OK now that my rant is over… I have an issue “J” just e-mailed me to say that ‘for what it is worth: I recognize that you are very likely the love of my life” What am I suppose to do with that?

    Why send that via e-mail…? OMG… I’m so confused right now…. I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what is going on with this man….

    so, I spent the evening alone tonight for me…. and it felt good to get into my plants my house and myself… and called a girlfriend…

    I’m getting really good at leaning back, taking time out for me, being into me and my life……

    and I’ll just have to trust that… like the song says “Let it be, Let it be, there will be an answer, Let it be”

    Is he really falling for me and that is why he is so non committal for dates? I don’t know…. but I have to say it feels weird.. could he just be saying this? B/C to me actions are what you pay attention to not words…… and this e-mail is only confusing to me…. it isn’t like me getting weak in the knees b/c I think he feels that way…

    I mean really isn’t that something you should say in person?

    Ok enough thinking tonight…. off to bed…

    OXOXOX



  111.  #111Indigo on March 1, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    Kyla,

    Have you tried agreeing with him?

    You have your perspective (which is valid), and he has a different perspective which to him is equally valid.

    Not agreeing as in changing your opinion, but just “ok, I hear you. I’m sorry that you had something fun planned for me that didn’t end up working out.”

    I have tried this and it can soften an interaction with a man, and make him drop his guard.

    x



  112.  #112Indigo on March 1, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    Dearest Lisa,

    I cannot help noticing how you are throwing up problems and issues where there appear to be none.

    It would feel so great to see you enjoying receiving what is being given to you and going with the flow.

    Men do not know the predetermined ways you have in your head of how they are supposed to say something… if he has said something beautiful like that, if it were me, I would just receive it.

    No analyzing necessary.

    xx



  113.  #113Emerson on March 1, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    ExoticCD has been contacting me every day asking to “hang out”…
    Feels a bit informal as I don’t really know what that means…
    Trying to be patient since I sense that he does not have alot of “game” but is reaching out clumsily nonetheless …
    But I’m feeling apprehensive since his approach seems a little juvenile.
    I also sense that he has a verrryyy fragile ego.
    Doesn’t feel 100%safe but I have not ruled him out yet.



  114.  #114Millie on March 2, 2014 at 3:16 am

    Emerson–

    maybe ask him what he means by “hang out”? What does he have in mind?? Then if he says oh, dinner and a movie, then you can say “That sounds like a date! and then you can decide if you want to go….or if he says, Ummmm I dunno, they you can say…Well, I feel better with a plan or whatever you choose to express. My friends and I have come to a realization that some men say “hang out” instead of “ask out” because it is less pressure. I would find out what he has in mind…



  115.  #115Millie on March 2, 2014 at 3:35 am

    I feel weird about something….
    I went out with this man awhile ago. I had/have no romantic feelings for him and once I realized that is what he was interested in, I told him. Time passes and we reconnect at swing dancing which is where we met. I saw him a few times dancing, he’s always a gentleman, very nice. We went out on valentines day, it wasn’t a date, even though he paid and drove. I say it wasn’t a date because I’ve already told him I’m not interested and to me, Valentines day was just another day. I would have gone out to a burlesque show with a guy friend regardless. The fact that is happened to be Vday, meant nothing to me. So I saw him at dancing last night, He offered to buy me drinks. Ok, I accepted. I told him I was going dancing again the next night if he wanted to go. To me, he is just a dance friend. So he says he’s busy but he’s going to come just to dance with me. Ok…. do what you want. He shows up towards the very end, and the only way I knew he was there is because I turned around and saw him outside through the glass. Um…..lurker! I felt so weird. How long had he been standing outside looking in at me?! Then I motioned for him to come in, so he does and then stands in the corner, doesn’t even come up to me until after the band is over and tries to dance with me. Honestly, I feel bad saying this, but I felt annoyed. I was with my friends and having a really good time, all of sudden I felt like I had to leave them and dance with him. I know….I told him about the event…but I just felt weird! Like I had to stop socializing and give him attention because he showed up. Usually when we meet at dances, he dances with other people and so do I. Then he complained about the music and the space….I was so annoyed. I told him I was leaving, but then my girlfriend who I came with grabbed me back on the dance floor. I felt bad seeing him sit down at the table. He didn’t just come to dance, he came to dance with me. And I didn’t want to. ugh. So I said a quick goodbye and he started to follow me and my girlfriend, but we got caught up walking out talking to people and I saw him just walk out. I felt bad….but at the same time…I was happy where I was, I didn’t want to move my energy to be about the fact he was there. I feel petty saying all this….I realize that this man really likes me……and I’m hoping that I haven’t led him on. I feel like I have. :/



  116.  #116Femininewoman on March 2, 2014 at 3:48 am

    Seems like so much analyzing



  117.  #117Lisa on March 2, 2014 at 6:58 am

    wasn’t analyzing…… not sure how to respond to him…

    noticing that, I feel uncomfortable with words and actions not matching….not sure that is what I should say to him though…

    I can and do rec. very well……so I’m told…

    he’ll expect a response…

    OXOXO



  118.  #118Kyla on March 2, 2014 at 7:11 am

    Thanks April Rose <3

    Indigo thank you! I have tried that and yes it does usually work wonders.

    Archer has now made new fun plans to do with our kids over their school break (we've done this before as friends). He was mostly upset that I didn't call and ask him out and instead made other plans. He said he expected me to be calling and tying him down lol. Nope.

    NewGuy has fallen off the radar this week. Called Monday night to say he had the day from hell at work and had to stay 4 hours late. Nothing since then. Oh well.



  119.  #119Shannon P. on March 2, 2014 at 7:12 am

    Lisa,

    “It feels so wonderful to hear that. My heart felt warm when I read it. It feels too soon for me, though. I felt a mix of emotions, between feeling great and feeling a little uncertain and unsure.”

    ?



  120.  #120Turquoise on March 2, 2014 at 8:52 am

    Lisa…. I say trust your gut instincts. I don’t know what I would say to his email. I agree… Should be said in person. One thing…. How do you feel about him? I haven’t really gotten a good grasp on your feelings from your posts.

    Tereana… You too, do you really like HIM or do you like that he likes you?

    My date last night was no good. Didn’t even offer to pay for my drink. I get that it can take awhile for people to grow on you, and get to know… But it wasn’t fun being out with him. Felt like an interview. And he was crass… I met up with friends after, and both husbands bought me a drink. That part was fun!



  121.  #121Andrea on March 2, 2014 at 11:13 am

    Emerson 109.
    I met a man on match.com about five months ago. He found me on facebook and we exchanged messages. I gave him my number. Then he started in with the calling and texting… “You wanna hang out?” or.. “Why don’t you pop by my office, I have some free time at work.”
    If I had wanted to “hang out” or “pop by” I would have.. sure. But I am a mom, a college student, an business owner, a writer etc… I don’t have expendable time to “hang out”. And if I did, I would hang out with my daughters, my girlfriends, my pals.

    He called one day he said, “Do you wanna do something this afternoon? Hang out or something?”

    Me: “Thank you for asking. No. I’m not interested in that.”
    He: “Oh, what are you interested in?”
    Me: “I feel wonderful when a man asks me out on a real date, comes and picks me up, takes me to dinner, or bowling, or karoake, or…etc..” I had a
    list…
    He: “Oh, well do you want to get together for coffee sometime?”
    Me: “Oh Thank you so much, but honestly, if that’s all you can offer, I’m not interested. Thank you though. Goodbye.”
    Within 15 mns he had called back and he said, “Ahm.. Okay, I really want to meet you and I feel like we have a good connection. So, why don’t I come pick you up on Friday and take you out to lunch. I know a place that serves the best hamburgers…. ”

    To that I gushed.. “Oh my YES!! Oh thank you. I feel so wonderful now. You’ve really given me something to look forward to this weekend. Oh I feel so good. I really appreciate you setting this up!”

    But the fact is: I was honest. Me honestly.. I don’t want to hang out with a man. I just don’t want to. I don’t care if he’s shy, or has no game, or is reaching out in a clumsy way… I don’t want to hang out. I want to be dated. That is very important to me.

    It just feels like you aren’t quite sure if that is important to you. If it’s not, if you are okay with hanging out… then why not just hang out? If you don’t want to hang out… then why not say, “I don’t want to hang out, but thank you so much for the offer.”



  122.  #122Indigo on March 2, 2014 at 11:20 am

    Andrea 117,

    Yes, yes and YES again!!!

    It’s so important to know what’s important to us individually, and how we feel about things, and to be honest about that!

    My feelings and what I desire and prefer can differ from man to man. With one man, I may feel ok with hanging out, and enjoy that. With another, it simply wouldn’t do. And I’ve realized how important it is to be true to myself. For me, that is where my real power lies πŸ™‚



  123.  #123Lisa on March 2, 2014 at 11:31 am

    @Turquoise I like him a lot so far… just 1 mo. though…. but so far yes! However with that said, though no big red flags there are some caution flags…..

    and because of the fact that he was doing a player type behavior before we met…. I think I’m a little stand offish… though anyone might consider that with me as well dating 3 men at a time…. so I’m still processing this.

    I’m not sure yet about his ability to commit yet and though I know Rori says that should be the number one reason to fall in love… that part I’m not certain yet…and his not wanting to set dates like Wed. feels odd to me…

    but these are NO big red flags like I’ve had in the past…(so far) and he is open and from what I can tell honest…

    I think I’m afraid to like him as much as I do…

    I’m afraid to just let it go and get into him, like I want to….

    @Shannon that feels good what you wrote…. thanks! <3

    and I notice (last night) how when I start to see flags… I want to jump in and end things… that is my way of protecting myself…

    OXOXO



  124.  #124Andrea on March 2, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Where is Cupcake?? I fantasize that she found a lover and he took her off to a steamy weekend somewhere on the Riviera, or to Vegas, or private jet to Paris..
    hah!
    Or she’s just so busy in her fabulous life that she doesn’t have the time to come and check in.

    Miss you Wonderful Lady!!! : )



  125.  #125Mandy on March 2, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    Anyone have a day where you feel you MUST do something to get out of your blah or bummed mode, but are somewhat afraid, as though something bad will happen if you just go outside or something?

    I have that feeling today. I found out in a weak moment of glancing at his open Facebook J was talking shit behind my back…to his ex girlfriend, the one he wanted me to pay for his trip to go say bye to her, on Valentine’s Day. He told her I was slamming doors because he was writing to her on Valentine’s day ad worried about her more than me.

    I wrote him a note and left the apartment. I came back later to find something I’d forgotten, and he was very sad upset and crying a little. He explained to me his ex is his friend and he doesn’t have many friends these days so when he wants to vent, he goes to someone like her. Then later on that night he scolded me for looking, but not once. Not twice…not three times…He did it about twelve times until I told him I get it, I’ve heard enough.

    SO he has a doctor’s appointment on the 20th and he’s going to bring up his problems with his desire. I feel like I’m living on a hope and a promise here. My mom wants me to move away from him.

    I feel like if I do something it’s like I’ve committed a cardinal sin but if he does something wrong he gets away with it!

    I FEEL SO ANGRY



  126.  #126Millie on March 2, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    Ok, I slept and I don’t feel bad about swing dance guy anymore. GOOD…….
    He text me this morning saying he saw me talking to the owner of bar we were at and he doesn’t like her…so instead of choosing to join the conversation he chose to leave. Ok! I was doing what I wanted, and he did what he wanted. Great!



  127.  #127Liquid Light on March 2, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    OMG I just gotta laugh. So much lame behavior from men its just too funny. I could make a movie out of it and it would make a great comedy! Unbelievably bad what are these guys thinking???? ahahhahahahahahaahahahahaha!!!!



  128.  #128Femininewoman on March 2, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    (((((((((Mandy))))))))))))



  129.  #129Lisa on March 2, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    @Mandy BE angry! Feel it to the fullest, allow it to be what it is and I listen to what it has to say…. <3

    @LiquidLight I know I think it is funny too what men do…. you have to laugh sometimes…. cuz it don't make sense…and I don't think that they are thinking…. I think it is the testosterone at work… LOL!

    OXOXO



  130.  #130Daria on March 2, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    I feel so disappointed with my favorite CD

    dang!

    my old cd/s are coming out the woodwork… and theres some new ones

    yay me for boundaries



  131.  #131Emerson on March 2, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    So many things are pointing me in the direction of being /staying single ….
    I so realize I am manifesting this.

    I would like to change it. It would feel good to be in a relationship.

    ExoticCD is in touch every day but he has some lack of masculine energy. I intend to out girl him and see what happens…



  132.  #132Emerson on March 2, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    117 Andrea thank you for this it is true I don’t want to hang out. And now you’ve given me a script!:)
    I feel thankful and I feel like I was doubting my worth…
    Maybe all I deserve is to “hang out” !! But I I is that’s not true!!!



  133.  #133Emerson on March 2, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    110 Millie funny he asked again and when I asked what he had in mind he said he didn’t know yet. So I had plans already so it’s ok and I never heard back what his plan was or lack thereof. I’m feeling bored.



  134.  #134Emerson on March 2, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    I feel thankful for my family



  135.  #135Syreena on March 3, 2014 at 12:08 am

    Lisa. Something stood out for me that felt like playing.

    ” I might get my Lisa fix on Wednesday, then I might just wait until Saturday.” Ambiguous language not asking and making and definite plans to book your time up in advance.That felt bad to me. How did it feel to you?

    He seems confident that you will just be available whenever he chooses at the drop of a hat. If that was me I would make other plans to do something nice for myself on Wednesday so I wasn’t available to be played around with like that?
    What are your thoughts on the ambiguity of the insinuation that he may want to see you on Wednesday depending or then again he may just wait until Sat?



  136.  #136manuela on March 3, 2014 at 5:48 am

    Hi Rori,
    Got some names for your ‘healthy relationships;Not co-dependant ones’ how about; freedom programme or heaven sent programme or happiness in relationships. Just my two cents.



  137.  #137Indigo on March 3, 2014 at 7:29 am

    Gosh, I feel so angry at seeing men constantly being put down and negatively spoken of by a particular poster.

    Very triggered.



  138.  #138Femininewoman on March 3, 2014 at 7:39 am

    (((((((((((Indigo)))))))))))))

    We all have blindspots and only as individuals are able and willing to turn the spotlight on themselves are they able to really see themselves. I read some things and find myself judgementally thinking “it is no wonder some of us can’t have relationships”. We say it is the men but really it is us.



  139.  #139Indigo on March 3, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Thank you Feminine Woman for the hug.

    I also found myself judgmentally thinking that.

    It feels awful.



  140.  #140Kyla on March 3, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Not CD related, just processing..
    I feel motivated to change EVERYTHING. I need change. I need to clear out the old and make way for new. I intend to take better care of me, the loving way I care for my kids and my plants and pets. I need to break out of my routine and implement new ones that makes my life easier and more efficient. I feel angry at how I gave up the fight and let my life drain down the tubes in response to betrayals and hurts. I feel tired of feeling grey and trying to keep my spiralling thoughts positive. I feel aha, I’m now finally acknowledging the true impact and the pain that’s been weighing me down and hurting me so much. Its time to be take action. I feel ready to move forward in a new and better direction. Its time for change and new beginnings. Its time to really and honestly put my own best interests at heart and get up off the floor. I need radical CHANGE.



  141.  #141Kyla on March 3, 2014 at 8:46 am

    And I need to ask for help.. lots of it.. I really need to start asking for help and give up trying to do it all myself.

    I feel so small and unworthy today.



  142.  #142Cris on March 3, 2014 at 9:10 am

    ((((Kyla)))

    I think most of us are trying hard to send “superwoman” to retirement … πŸ™‚

    all the best



  143.  #143Liquid Light on March 3, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Indigo, I assume you are referring to me. Yes, I expect to be treated well. Yes, I expect to be treated with respect. And, yes, I’m shocked and disappointed when that doesn’t happen. I thought this blog was about not taking crumbs and having great relationships? To me, having a great relationship, is being involved with someone that respects me. So I’m wrong for wanting that? So I’m admonished here for expressing my disappointment when I’m not treated in the opposite way? I’m so sorry that I’m not expressing myself correctly. Sheesh, what is it here with the blog police??!!! Yuck!!! Its not very welcoming at all!!!!!



  144.  #144Kyla on March 3, 2014 at 9:50 am

    Thanks Cris πŸ™‚ Love to you.



  145.  #145Indigo on March 3, 2014 at 9:55 am

    Liquid Light,

    I was not referring to you.



  146.  #146Liquid Light on March 3, 2014 at 10:01 am

    oh, sorry



  147.  #147Kyla on March 3, 2014 at 10:14 am

    I don’t feel relationship ready right now. I’ve found that CDing has helped me notice things I want to address in my life, changes I want to make in me and help clarify what I’m looking for in life in general. I have been given wonderful guidance, information and assistance during converstaions with dates. Its funny how strangers can bring the answers you were seeking. I am staying open to dating but I need to focus elsewhere. I am enjoying meeting new people and the men I’m meeting are truly lovely even if they are not a match and they poof after a few weeks. I feel fun dating and sad that I’m alone at the same time. I feel sad that I am so far from where I thought I was and even further from where I want to be.



  148.  #148LoveAlways on March 3, 2014 at 10:18 am

    Still Processing in the pits. Will catch up on the blog later sirens.



  149.  #149Liquid Light on March 3, 2014 at 11:01 am

    ((((((((((Kyla)))))))))))

    Dating feels really hard to me right now too. But I’m not lowering my standards. I feel very clear about that.

    Maybe you just need a break?



  150.  #150Liquid Light on March 3, 2014 at 11:08 am

    I just want to add that I think we are all being very brave by putting ourselves out there. It takes a lot of courage to do that and I need to remind myself of that and to pat myself and you other sirens out there on the back. It can be really challenging and emotionally draining so bravo to us all! And, yes, sometimes taking a break to recharge our batteries and regroup is the best thing to do.

    Anyway, hang in there ladies and try to acknowledge yourselves for your incredible bravery and courage!

    πŸ™‚



  151.  #151Femininewoman on March 3, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Kyla – a never ending process dear Siren.



  152.  #152Syreena on March 3, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Feeling pleasantly tired.
    Feeling, open, tingly.
    Amused. Happy.
    Feel like singing zippety doo dah zippety day. Love that song.
    Feeling connected to better people and better men. Feel good to be free of old unhealthy attachments and o be forming and creating new healthy ones. It’s a good feeling. Tingle Tingle. πŸ™‚



  153.  #153Liquid Light on March 3, 2014 at 11:26 am

    Yay Syreena!!! That feels wonderful to hear!!!! πŸ™‚



  154.  #154Syreena on March 3, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Ty LL. πŸ™‚



  155.  #155Linda on March 3, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    I have a grand pot of icky emotional stew simmering. I am just staring at it.



  156.  #156Linda on March 3, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Syreena…. would you sprinkle a bit of that zippity do dah over my way.??? πŸ™‚ tee hee



  157.  #157Kyla on March 3, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    Thanks Liquid Light and Feminine Woman πŸ™‚



  158.  #158Syreena on March 3, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Sending you a Cyber sprinkling Linda. Wishing you whenever any man or woman mistreats you on here in the cyber world or out there in the real world tries to play you, uses distorted empathy against you, that you become aware of it, remember me and this song I shared, disengage and detach and get yourself away from them and walk away from them singing this song. Walking forwards until you find something that makes you feel happy and productive in a good way. And meet people who want to be part of that shared good experience with you. People who will use their empathy in a loving kind and compassionate way.Making happier and better connections and attachments.



  159.  #159Syreena on March 3, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    Lisa, disclosure of our feelings and thoughts isn’t always in our highest good.
    Some people use will use their ability of empathy in a low level or distorted way for self gain, self gratifaction and or for their amusement not caring about any harm they may do to us by doing so.
    Rori had this happen to her with one of her Therapists which she talks about in her book finding Sarah.

    So maybe something to be cautious and aware of when cding and having men/women who come into your lives as therapists to heal and if you feel you are being played is how safe is that person to continue disclosing your feelings and thoughts to? Keep yourself safe Lisa. Are they using what you have disclosed to them to play you to gratify their own needs. X



  160.  #160Syreena on March 3, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    LL. How yummy to be part of creating and making a whole cake together to share. πŸ™‚



  161.  #161Syreena on March 3, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    No more crumbs!



  162.  #162Millie on March 3, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Emerson—
    I’m glad you asked! I feel bored too when a man says he wants to hang out yet has no plan….. I’ve actually found myself feeling more bored than usual with men. I think it’s a good thing because I’m feeling myself have less expectations and am “creating” what I want to hear less and less….the same ol things just don’t feel exciting anymore. I’m growing yay!!!



  163.  #163Millie on March 3, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Emerson—
    I’m glad you asked! I feel bored too when a man says he wants to hang out yet has no plan….. I’ve actually found myself feeling more bored than usual with men. I think it’s a good thing because I’m feeling myself have less expectations and am “creating” what I want to hear less and less….the same ol things just don’t feel exciting anymore. I’m growing yay!!!



  164.  #164Turquoise on March 3, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Happy Monday! The weekends go so fast… but I don’t want to wish my days away, waiting for the weekend… so going to try and enjoy, or at least feel content with my weekdays as well. Tonight I have to go to a meeting, should see some friends there, so that will be informative and hopefully a bit fun too. I’m planning two birthday parties for my youngest… my mom went into the hospital on her birthday last year, and while we still had the party, I was just going through the motions, trying to keep things as good as possible for her. It’s hard to believe it will be a year since my mom died. I miss her, a lot.

    I’m not sure what to call the local guy I’ve been talking to since August, but haven’t gone out with yet.. but we had a very nice text conversation last night, about some emotional stuff too… he opened up, was nice. He asked if I’d like to do something this weekend and I said yes, but we don’t have a time set yet. He wants to make me dinner. I can’t remember the last time a man cooked for me…. Sweetheart baked a frozen pizza once, lol. It was good though and I appreciated the effort.

    I’ve been taking better care of myself the past few weeks. Thursday I got my nails done… makes me feel so much more together! I went to the dentist Friday and took care of an issue I’d put off for such a long time. I feel so much better about myself, just taking an hour to get something taken care of. Everyday I look for little things I can do to love myself more. Some are obvious, and others aren’t. I tell myself everything is going to be ok… often. I believe it though. No matter what happens romantically in my life, I’m ok. I’ve taken a step back from Sweetheart. I need more room in my life for future possibilities. I feel good about that.



  165.  #165Kyla on March 3, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    I find dating lately is more about finding my way again rather than a potential Mr Right.. really all I want at this moment is some fun and company for the occassional evening. Even DrWho, some things he’d suggested helped me tremendously to organise my kids/work balance better.. I looked back over my CD diary last night and wow have they all helped me in so many unexpected ways. Even the ones that I practiced boundaries and no contact were immensly helpful! Its like these men are coming in one by one to tell me I’m great and here’s some timely advice and then poof back into the abyss from whence they came to make room for the next message! A self-esteem boost, a night out and priceless direction all through the medium of lovely men. Mmmm it feels kind of magical really πŸ™‚



  166.  #166Liquid Light on March 3, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    yeah, Kyla, I know what you mean. Even as ridiculous as my date was yesterday (he wore his shirt inside-out, no lie!!! hahahaha!!!) he said something that really struck a chord. He’s taking his son with him to see his relatives in France over the summer. He said he wanted his son to know his relatives there and to not loose those ties. It really touched my heart because I have relatives in Europe too (my father is from Europe, moved to USA age 21) and I didn’t realize how sad it would make me to loose those connections. It really brought some emotions up for me that I had suppressed. So thanks crazy inside-out shirt guy!!! hahahahaha!!!!



  167.  #167Kyla on March 3, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    Lol oh my LL wow that made me laugh so hard thank you!
    And I hear you on keeping your standards.. set the bar sky high πŸ™‚



  168.  #168Liquid Light on March 3, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    Kyla, lol back at ya, yeah, it was pretty funny! πŸ™‚



  169.  #169Tereana on March 3, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    Thank you, Lisa and Turquoise for the input on the “ownership” idea! I, too, have felt pukey over other guys getting all “possessive” over other women. Sometimes my friends, sometimes just random people.

    I observed to him that he seemed protective (about his sister, something he said), not possessive, and he agreed. And when I called him out on saying I was “his,” he pointed out that he wasn’t forcibly keeping me anywhere. But that, of course, is not the issue.

    “Do I like him?” ~Turquoise

    This is a very good, and a reasonable question. The thing is, I actually, genuinely, DO like him. In fact, just last Thursday, I got to spend some time in his community. He invited me to his Hindu temple, where he goes to cook food. He spent most of the time in the kitchen, and I spent most of the time watching the service and talking to his friends. It was a very good experience for me. And at one point, he walked through the room to get a big bag of rice, and he wasn’t even coming to talk to me. I just watched him, and I thought how handsome he was, and I admired how he was, and talking to everyone. I loved watching him play with the kids, which was so endearing and sexy. When he walked through the room with that rice, I kind of had this feeling like I would have liked to tackle him and just jump him and kiss him all over, right then and there. I didn’t obviously, because that would have been weird…

    We met under auspicious circumstances. I thought he was cute and I said hi. He later wrote to me and I missed the message. Only later did I actually respond to him.

    Lisa, I can understand your confusion over words vs. actions. M first said the “i love you” via text/fb message. But I felt is as a pure expression of his feeling, backed up by his actions. So, to me, that’s different. When he makes plans, he follows up. If he says he will call, he calls – or at least says that he can’t, and he only had to do that once when he was at work.

    To me, he is everything I could ask for. Everything, absolutely. The physical aspect is – well, it’s always a scary thing. Do I like the fact that he loves me more than I actually like or love him? Quite possibly. But isn’t that what we want? I mean, isn’t what we want here, for the man to be sending more energy our way than toward him? Seems to me, that’s a good thing.

    It’s okay for me to step back. I am not fully invested with both feet. I think he is, or might be.

    And when he says or does something I don’t like, I have no problem telling him, and he says he will adjust so that I am happy. He even states that his main goal is making me happy. So maybe sometimes he is clueless. I have to make sure that I give him some leeway for that. A clueless guy is not the same as a mean or toxic guy. He isn’t mean or toxic, and if he were, I don’t think he would be so loved by everyone he knows. But then again, I have to make sure I am careful here – sometimes abusers are very well loved in their communities.

    So…I don’t want to jump in with both feet too fast, before I get to know him.

    I just know, he likes to give me food, he’ll drive to see me, he’s a good date. He likes kids. He likes family. He wants marriage, and he’s willing to listen if I have something to say.

    Of course, i think of S sometimes still. But S doesn’t want marriage, he doesn’t want kids. He will bolt at the first sign of feelings, and he has to me, on several occasions, which always hurts. He says that I’m “special” but what does that mean to him, or to me? I did fall in love with S, regardless, but is he calling me or texting me every day? Is he asking me how many kids I want, or what religion we should raise them? No.

    M is.

    And I’ve been here before. The last time I was here, it was with my fiancΓ©, D. And then, it scared me. Now, it doesn’t. It feels different. I feel like my eyes are open, I am aware of what I am doing, what’s happening. And I am not afraid of expressing myself. I’ve recognized love before, and I recognize it again. This is the first time I’ve seen is since D (not including one guy, but I didn’t love him back, and I knew it and it was a disaster).

    I don’t feel “perfect” about M, but he sure is checking off just about everything on my list. Just about. I’m unsure about the physical, but at least kissing is nice. So far, all that is okay. And I absolutely love the fact that he’s not raring to jump into bed.

    Anyway, back to the ownership, I am a little religious. So I keep coming back to the Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon), which is a really central text in Judaism. And it’s very sexy. If you ever read it out loud in a group of people, it can be very blush-inducing. It’s quite steamy. And there is this recurring line in Hebrew: “Lekha dodi v’dodi lekha.” – “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”

    So, this is not a “possession” statement. No one is enslaved here. The one is “the other’s” because they want to be. They are choosing to be the lover and the beloved. It is a belonging and a choice – a claiming of what is theirs, of love, or pleasure, of joy, and embracing. It is not enslaving or capturing or “owning.” It is more positive than that…

    So I think it can be hard to separate the two at times. And I think that is just what I have to do for myself. Get over the idea that any kind of “mine” means possession, and that it doesn’t have to mean “my property” – it can mean “my beloved.”

    The one is harsh and the other is soft. I would like to choose the soft one. I will not “claim” him or own him, until I am ready. And S is expecting a visit from me in the spring. I have not told him yet my status, just because I want to see where things go. But if M continues to be there for me, as he has been (and I had some doubts today, but he talked me through it okay. We’ll see), then I will have to tell him what’s up. And if M and I don’t come through, then I will gladly call S up and say, “I’m coming over!” That will be fun. But M is really into this. I can tell. He is like the man Rori describes, who decides he wants you and will do everything to make it work.

    I don’t want to make the same mistakes I have in the past. And I don’t want to rush in too quickly. But at the same time, I don’t want to rush away, or be quick to dismiss him. I see no reason to do that. And I have no urge to run away. In all, this seems like it’s a really good thing. And so, for now, I am just going with it. If he wants to love me, I don’t want to say no…but we do still need time to get to know each other better.

    Sorry that was so long. That obviously triggered a lot for me, and I wanted to write it out. Thanks again for the input, ladies! Really helpful!!



  170.  #170Tereana on March 3, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    I realized early on with M that I actually cared about him. Not just that I liked him, but that I cared. I cared how he would feel if, for example, I went off and had sex with someone else, simply because he and I are not sleeping together.

    But this is the first night he hasn’t texted me. I fear I may have overreacted to something he said this morning, and said something I should not have. Actually, probably it wasn’t the overreaction, it was something else. But in kind of already in lean-forward mode. I have to wait for him to come back. I need to go to bed, go to sleep…wake up and see what tomorrow brings…

    I’m not there yet



  171.  #171Millie on March 3, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    When are things going to change? I feel like I’ve changed, but the fact that things don’t seem to be changing around me, leaves me feeling down. I got home from work tonight and as much as I love being home and being in my apartment, I feel bored. I’m not bored because I have nothing to do…I have plenty to do. I have plenty of projects I can do, but I was DO-ING all day. I can’t help but wish I had someone who looked forward to me getting off work, who made me feel excited too. I have friends of course, but it’s not the same. I hate being all whiney and woe is me….
    The swing guy posted a status on facebook that said “have you ever heard a song on the radio that captured your life exactly as it is now, and not in a good way?” He said his entire wknd, including the other night has made him a recluse. I felt like he was referring to me partly, but I was felt really annoyed and it turned me off. “woe is me” is such a turnoff! I don’t want to be that way!! I see how unattractive it is….It’s so easy to identify in others….So I don’t want to be that way. Anyway, just talking out loud….nothing really going on.



  172.  #172Andrea on March 3, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    I feel curious and anxious watching these brand new relationships play out. Tereana and Lisa are both of you still Circular Dating?
    I feel a lot of energy going towards these certain relationships, so I can tell you both are very much infatuated.. ?? I guess??
    I’m so curious how it will go. I haven’t been in any kind of serious relationship for a while. Not since I’ve been on this blog. I was breaking up with the ex and since then have dated a lot, but nothing ever… “stuck”.
    So, how do you maintain the CD’ing while you are starting to really engage in these relatively new men? I feel so much fear still about myself and trusting myself to be able to hold back, lean back, and remain calm and honest with myself if I ever get back into another serious relationship.
    To be sure; for the first time my priorities are definitely clear. I feel very confident that I do know what I want…. and that in itself is victory for me.

    How are you two doing with the CD’ing part?



  173.  #173Emerson on March 3, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    I feel capable of expressing my feelings and I feel open to be vulnerable and raw…



  174.  #174Emerson on March 3, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    166 Millie I hear your words and I understand about “doing” and feeli g bored…



  175.  #175Syreena on March 4, 2014 at 12:23 am

    I feeel curious how long have you known these men Tereana



  176.  #176Syreena on March 4, 2014 at 12:24 am

    * getting to know?



  177.  #177Lexie on March 4, 2014 at 2:48 am

    Good morning,

    Rori told me a week or two ago that I was
    In a fine place with my husband and I
    Needed to work on my head. I was trying
    That but my husband kept acting strange
    And spending a long time in the bathroom.
    Last night I got so frustrated that I got his
    Phone while he was outside and saw that
    He has been viewing porn while he’s been
    In the bathroom so often and so long. I hate
    Porn. I feel like it is cheating and I let him
    Know that before we even got married.

    I couldn’t say much of anything to him last
    Night but that I felt betrayed and cheated. He
    Got angry and slept on the couch. I really
    Feel I may have married a toxic man and
    I don’t know what to do now. Am I wrong for
    Feeling so strongly against this?



  178.  #178Shannon P. on March 4, 2014 at 4:04 am

    Lexie, feelings are never wrong. We feel what we feel, and that’s how we feel.

    What we’d want to discuss, if you feel ready, is how your sex life is? How are things going in the bedroom and how are you two getting along?

    Are you being honest with him about your feelings, or are you putting on a front? Are you withholding sex from him?

    Let’s talk straight before you make any huge decision here. Maybe there’s something on your end (which does NOT JUSTIFY ANYTHING–that’s a FACT) that we could discuss before we talk about what’s right and wrong to feel and do and say.

    What you feel is never wrong, but what you do… can be a wise choice or an unwise choice.



  179.  #179Tereana on March 4, 2014 at 5:22 am

    Syreena – by “these” you mean M and S?

    Not too long. I’ve known S for longer. M and I haven’t been dating that long

    I had to tell M this morning that I wanted to slow it down a little. I felt so many fears coming up, and I told him about them. He agreed to slow down. In fact, he offered. But I don’t really even know what that means, actually. Just that I felt him getting in really close, really fast.

    I thought it was good that he was going away. And then this absence makes the heart grow fonder thing. By he’s talking all these things that make me uncomfortable. Only I can’t see him face to face.

    He is good, though. He really likes to talk things out. He is a good man. A good person.

    I really “called him in” I feel like. But that doesn’t mean we can’t slow things down…he’s just getting excited. He’s never had a “real” girlfriend before. I guess he’s had some relationships, but no one he would call a girlfriend. So he’s just figuring this out. Give him some slack, ladies. He is not some player. He is really serious. And if he ever mistreats me, you know I’ll be out the door before he can blink. I know I have options. But he has been so good so far that I really just want to see where this goes…

    He can row the boat, but I can put on some brakes ; )



  180.  #180Emerson on March 4, 2014 at 5:29 am

    Good morning sirens!



  181.  #181Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 6:05 am

    Tereana I believe you and M are in a good place.



  182.  #182Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 6:05 am

    Good morning Emerson



  183.  #183Kyla on March 4, 2014 at 6:09 am

    There is a 3 minute video on you tube called “Why trust is worth it” with ZeFrank and Cirque du Soleil. I feel so inspired after seeing it.



  184.  #184Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 6:09 am

    Lexie that is Dominique’s area. Please look for her and click on her name. I feel confident she is able to help. She has a lot of experience with that, even personal and I am sure she will tell you it porn is not uncommon with men and how to navigate.



  185.  #185Linda on March 4, 2014 at 6:16 am

    syreena @ 153. Thank you!!

    I find myself looking back on 2013. Hind sight is always 20/20.

    I stayed engaged tooo long with the man I called FavoriteCD last year. I did not feel productive, or happy with him. In fact I began to not even like him at all. He did many many lovely things.. but there was always a take away from him too. I did not feel there was a “friendship” between us.

    I like the idea of… Walking forwards until I find something that makes me feel happy and productive in a good way.



  186.  #186Kyla on March 4, 2014 at 7:08 am

    Freeing Relationship



  187.  #187Andrea on March 4, 2014 at 7:15 am

    Tereana, I hope you don’t think I was, in any way, making a comment about your man.
    I was and still am feeling curious about how to continue cd’ing, while in the midst of a new infatuation.
    I was just wondering how you are keeping it up. How do you stay leaning back, relaxed, calm, and incorporate the circular dating practice into your life as you are engaging more and more with just one man?

    I have all these feelings of fear come up for myself that I won’t know how to do that when I find someone I’d like to be serious about.



  188.  #188Andrea on March 4, 2014 at 7:30 am

    Speaking of “leaning back”…
    I had a triggering experience last night. A JOLT! I ran into my ex at a grocery store. We haven’t seen eachother or had any real contact since before Thanksgiving last year.
    I first saw him and I was heading straight in his direction. So I couldn’t adjust my path. I watched him notice me, watched it register, then I saw him clench his jaw and completely look in a totally different direction and it looked like he was going to barrel right past me.

    For some reason I panicked! He CAN’T just completely ignore me!! ME?? How??? So I stopped right in the middle of the aisle and stared him down as he passed. I said, “Hi”
    He said, “Hi” very quickly and then he rushed on.

    Sheesh. Honestly that really hurt. It hurt because I felt that panic wash over me. Someone I had loved, had made love to, had made heart felt promises to, had held, been held by, had talked of having a future together with.. that someone can just pass me by… like nothing? That someone disregards my very existence? That hurts and it scares me.

    But now, looking back, I survived.. sheesh. I wish I hadn’t panicked. I wish I hadn’t leaned forward and forced him to notice me and acknowledge me. I felt powerless and small again. Like, once more, I needed his acknowledgment. I wish that raw panic was over with by now.

    I felt pangs of love and longing for him again as well. He looked beat down, worn out. I wanted to rush to him, hold him, tell him that I’m here for him, tell him I’m learning how to listen now and that I’m a better woman and I’ve changed and he can love me again. I wanted to tell him I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made in the relationship and that he IS a good man and I didn’t want to see him suffer in any way because of me.

    I even sat down to write it all out in a letter. Then as I wrote his name… Dear “G”…

    Honestly… all of the sudden… a feeling came over me that well, right now, maybe I have something better to do. I worked on my homework, engaged with my daughters, went to bed. This morning I’m feeling very blaze’.
    I acknowledge myself and all of the feelings I had surrounding him in that moment. It was good practice. I wish I wouldn’t have had the panic, but I did. But I’m feeling now that I don’t need to engage with it.

    And in this moment, still, there seem to be so many more important things to occupy my time and space than a letter to him.

    Isn’t that strange? It feels just kind of natural to simply realize…. that’s what came up, that’s what happened in that moment. But this now, is THIS moment. And it feels like life is a river right now and that moment is on the banks way back there, and I’ve drifted on.



  189.  #189Cris on March 4, 2014 at 7:36 am

    @Andrea, I am really moved by your comment
    xoxo



  190.  #190Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 7:51 am

    Wow Andrea. How empowering.

    As you wrote about how he tried to ignore I felt a burst of compassion for him. He must have panicked also. I wonder if he has not been able to find anything close to what you had as yet? I am assuming that he is still angry about the breakup.



  191.  #191Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 7:52 am

    From Bob Grant:

    I want to tell you something that most men don’t know. If you’re in a relationship then find a way to share this with your man. Tell him that your greatest need is….to feel secure. Whether it’s Emotional security, Financial security or Physical security. Tell him that if he does anything that threatens your security, it’s almost impossible for you to trust him.



  192.  #192LoveAlways on March 4, 2014 at 7:54 am

    Hi Sirens:

    Going through my Targeting Mr. Right notes and I’m adding a new rule to my Circular Dating . . .
    No more telephone relationships. I want face time. Will keep the phone conversations short and sweet and leave them wanting more, but my time is precious and I don’t want to build a relationship over the phone any more. I want to experience “connection” live and direct – face to face.



  193.  #193LoveAlways on March 4, 2014 at 7:56 am

    I want him to WANT to see me
    to desire my company
    to look forward to the next time
    to be able to touch me
    to be able to smell
    he has to have all of this (and more) in his imagination
    I feel I create these beautiful moments of anticipation over the phone with my words, but men feed off of that and feel they don’t have to see you to get a “dose” of you. I’m going to change that about myself now.



  194.  #194LoveAlways on March 4, 2014 at 8:04 am

    Andrea 183

    I’m studying Reiki now and I read something I’d like to share; your post made me think about it:

    “Every time you meet someone there is an exchange of energy. If you are both happy and find the meeting was enjoyable then the energy exchange is neutral. However, if you lose control of your emotions and become angry, the other person steals your energy. Likewise, if someone gets angry at you then you are stealing their energy. . . Anger is a choice response.”

    Only one person came out of the confrontation with their energy intact and it wasn’t your ex! So I would suggest that while you were triggered, what you felt was his energy, his anger, but note that you preserved your own! Hope that helps.

    Love and Light

    LoveAlways



  195.  #195BeLoved on March 4, 2014 at 8:26 am

    How about not naming it?

    “‘Heterosexual,’ ‘bisexual,’ ‘lesbian,’ and ‘gender queer’ are not terms I use to describe myself. They’re too limiting, like every other name and role I’ve had the pleasure of escaping. In a pinch, I might agree to call myself ocean-fucker or sky-sucker or earth-bonker. As much as I love men and women, they can’t satisfy the full extent of my yearning. I need intimate relations with clouds and eagles and sea anemones and mountains and spirits of the dead and kitchen appliances and the creatures in my dreams. To be continued. To be enhanced and amplified and enlarged upon, world without end, amen. One day I really do hope to be a wise enough lover to be able to fuck the ocean. To give a forest fire a blow job. To make a pride of lions come just by looking at them.” β€”Jumbler Javalina, “Bite into the Mysteries,” Underground Pronoiaο»Ώ



  196.  #196Dominique on March 4, 2014 at 8:40 am

    Andrea – 183 – This is beautiful. YAY you!!!

    xxoo



  197.  #197Syreena on March 4, 2014 at 9:03 am

    Feels good to hear it is going well for you Tereana and have been treated well.

    I didn’t read anything that you shared that led me to believe you were being played by anyone.



  198.  #198Syreena on March 4, 2014 at 9:08 am

    You’re Welcome Linda, wishing you a fun time moving forward.



  199.  #199Syreena on March 4, 2014 at 9:15 am

    Felt good to read you are feeling better from that experience now Andrea.



  200.  #200Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 9:23 am

    RE 188 – Sounds interesting and I feel curious enough to ask you how

    ” feel I create these beautiful moments of anticipation over the phone with my words”



  201.  #201Veronica on March 4, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Hi Emerson



  202.  #202Rori Raye on March 4, 2014 at 11:06 am

    Thank you ALL for these AMAZING ideas – I’m going to list them all and think them through – then perhaps set up a “vote”! Love, Rori



  203.  #203Rori Raye on March 4, 2014 at 11:08 am

    BeLoved – OMG – Thank you SO much for this gorgeous, amazing quote. I will go find this…Love, Rori



  204.  #204Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Mimi Tanner

    “When you have a choice between the “pedestal” and lowering yourself, choose that pedestal every time!

    Don’t lower yourself by tracking down any man. Let him come to you.

    He will – and you can then decide how much you really wanted him to come to you after all!

    What seems like “tracking him down” to you will seem like Crazed Stalking to him.

    ESPECIALLY if you’re not in a committed relationship, and especially if you’ve only been seeing him for a few weeks.

    Think about it – what do you have in store for him when you *find* him? Giving him a piece of your mind?

    You’re going to need that “piece of your mind” and you’ll also need PEACE of mind.

    If you plan to explode at him, save your efforts, because it’s already not worth it.

    He’s either in contact with you or he isn’t – so let that be the message.

    Take that message seriously. But don’t act too hurt when you hear from him again, because that gives his actions more power than they deserve to have.

    The choice of a man to stop contact is a choice that has consequences, because you simply move on, due to the obvious!

    There are times to “pursue” and show your wide-open heart, but this is not one of them

    Focus on being the woman that it’s HIS LOSS to ignore.

    Because, as we all know, he will be back at your doorstep soon enough.”



  205.  #205April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    FW 191

    WM just told me I was cute. I replied with a smile that what cute girls need is to be cared for, and consistently. Otherwise I lose trust.
    He said “Thanks for the lecture”.

    I feel a grotesque ripping feeling in my insides. I feel furious. I feel raging at the lack of care I am perceiving at the hands of men.



  206.  #206April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Lazy sod. Just wants a cute woman around. Doesn’t want to have to do any work.

    But, when he DOES work/give to me, he seems happier.

    I’m tired with ‘working’ to inspire his service.

    If a man wants naturally to honor and serve the feminine (in me), then I will feel happy being myself, receiving and enjoying his energy coming towards me. Please let me have learned this lesson now.



  207.  #207Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    April Rose he was giving you a complement. How did you show your appreciation?



  208.  #208April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    I smiled warmly at the bastard



  209.  #209Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    April I see my dad trying to give to or help my mother. I don’t know how he does it because she either responds with something that says she wants more or that what he is doing is never enough. He has become mostly paralyzed but seems to try because he feels it his duty. I see him clumsily trying to show his love that doesn’t seem appreciated. I am learning a lot more now that I did before.



  210.  #210Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    April RE 208 I assume he felt what was in your heart despite the smile. I honestly felt icky reading that sentence.



  211.  #211Daria on March 4, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    soulfull relationship

    romantic relationship



  212.  #212Daria on March 4, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    fulfilling relationship

    soul-romance relationship



  213.  #213Daria on March 4, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    i feel disappointed i felt not good with the man i was dating closely

    now i feel distant

    his texts are not making me feel closer

    i feel kina sad and also good about my boundaries

    i feel a bit delighted at old men poppin out and new ones too



  214.  #214Daria on March 4, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    oh no FeminineWoman that feels so heartbreaking

    waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah :*( :*(

    sobs



  215.  #215Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    I don’t even mind the wanting more it is just that the words chosen are in such a put down contemptous demeaning way I end up feeling totally turned off.



  216.  #216Femininewoman on March 4, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Sorry April. I just see a bit of truth in his lecture comment and it took me straight to what I have experienced.



  217.  #217April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    Oh Femininewoman,

    We have an issue of humour here again between you and I.

    Sigh.

    Obviously the annoyance on my part came AFTER his lecture comment. So of course it was not reflected in my smile.

    I found my comment 208 really funny. I hoped it would raise a chuckle. It can get serious on here.

    Anyway, FW, you might wanna take a little more responsibility for posting coaches’ advice on here. I did what Bob Grant said to do (in your post 191) and it didn’t go down well, so please don’t deflect that.



  218.  #218Kyla on March 4, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    Oh FW that reminds me of the day my dad cleaned the house from top to bottom to surprise my mom. He came home early from work and asked me to come help and sent the other kids away. The house was sparkly. He was so tired and so proud of himself and kept saying how much she deserved to come home to a treat and to be able to put her feet up and relax. There as even fresh flowers on the table and dinner ready on the stove. She came home as he was putting the mop away. She dropped her bags and started yelling at him for using too much water and, still wearing her coat, she picked up the mop and started doing the floors all over again while ranting at us all to stop trying to help as it always ends up causing her more work.. I think I actually saw his heart break in front of me.. I know mine did. And we all stopped trying to help for a long, long time after that.



  219.  #219Kyla on March 4, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    (((April Rose))) I love being called cute. And I love smiling warmly at bastards too lol πŸ™‚



  220.  #220April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    Okay,

    So I know he has limitations. He is challenged in the areas of generosity.
    I can usually accept this.

    Every now and again my heart closes up a bit and it isn’t smiley warm. I am not perfect and so I forgive myself for this. Especially when I have lost trust through not feeling emotionally secure. (FW’s posting 191)
    I value loyalty highly.



  221.  #221April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    I feel like screaming.

    My inability to articulate this place I find myself in.

    It’s like knowing of a crime and no-one believing me,



  222.  #222April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    I’ll keep trying, for I feel desperate to find the words.

    There is a woman. His friend. Our colleague.

    Scene 1 – me in bed with flu. The telephone rings – it’s her, inviting him over socially. I hear him say “I’d love to come but I’ve said I’ll stay in with April”.

    Can you please tell me if I’m crazy for feeling HORRIBLE about this?

    “I’VE SAID I’LL STAY IN” !!!!!

    WTF?????

    Not “My sweetheart is poorly in bed and I’m going to stay in with her”.



  223.  #223Turquoise on March 4, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Hmmm…. I’m looking back at some of my comments to see where what I said may have felt like a lecture. Like I feel the need to say more and be clear about what I want. Ouch. I can see how that may come across.

    I’m not critical though, I’ve never acted like the wife with the mop. Mine would be more subtle. But feel serious.



  224.  #224Turquoise on March 4, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    April Rose, but he did stay in with you. He chose you. Maybe he really would have loved to go, but he still chose you. If you still seem displeased with him, he may feel like… Well, she’s still not happy. Why didn’t I go? Maybe if you replied warmly, he’d say something sweeter to you.



  225.  #225April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    (((Kyla’s Dad)))
    Wow. He cleaned. And made dinner. And brought flowers.
    Was he trying to make up to her over something?



  226.  #226April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Oh Turquoise,

    I wish I could articulate it.

    Yes, his body stayed in the house with me.
    And, I felt no warmth from him.

    The whole thing reaked of duty. “I’ve said I’ll…”

    I FELT NO CARE.



  227.  #227Shannon P. on March 4, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    April 22..

    I’m not going to get into all the whoforwhats and whatforwhiches going on right now.

    I did want to speak to this, and less about your behavior and more about his.

    You feel what you feel. Your feelings are yours and they belong to you and they’re never wrong!!

    I would like to comment, however, that this is a man’s way of “saying it straight”. This isn’t his idea of cutting you down or belittling what he was doing… he was just saying, in his own way, “thanks for asking, but no.”

    He made a promise and he was keeping it. That’s everything in his mind. That’s the totality of it.

    I hear you wanting him to say it in feminine words. With romance and sweetness.

    I hear it coming from his mind with manly romance… “sorry, I choose her over you.” To a man, that’s romantic. That’s loving. He just said it. That’s it. That’s that. I choose April.

    He wasn’t leaving something out to piss you off. He wasn’t belittling what he was doing. He was stating the facts, and just the facts, ma’am. Her or you… he told her point blank who was his chosen one.

    Maybe reframing this to see that it wasn’t about how he said it for him. For him, it was “this is the choice I’m making” and the romance was in the action of being with you.

    He was being courteous to her in his mind… while putting you first.

    I hear your frustration and your feeling that you wanted it said more romantically or with less dry factualism.

    But he’s a man. *shrug* They like dry factualism, on average.



  228.  #228Kyla on March 4, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    Nope. Not a special day or to apologize. Just trying to make her smile and make her life easier.

    Sorry to hear you have the flu! Feel better xxoo



  229.  #229April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    I haven’t got the flu at the mo. This was a few years back.

    Today he was on the phone to her when I walked in the room. He said “April’s come into the room and I’ve said I’ll make her a cup of tea, so I have to go now”.

    Last week her chose her. When I wanted to go to bed and they were up late talking.



  230.  #230April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    I understand. Yes, a man’s words and choices. Yes, I see.

    And at the same time I perceived a resentment. I felt no desire to be with me. Was I making that up?



  231.  #231April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    I would love to have a man make my life easier.

    WM makes it harder. I am asking why am I here, and I am going away for some weeks.



  232.  #232April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    I just went and sat next to him while he was in front of the TV. The programme he’d been watching had just finished. I sat up close to him and he pulled away.



  233.  #233April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Where has everybody gone? Please don’t let my misery put you off!



  234.  #234Andrea on March 4, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    Well, there is a boy that I knew in high school. He was horrible to me back then. But we’ve since made up and he even took me out on a date a few years ago. He lives in my old city.
    He just found me yesterday via facebook and messaged me a quick, “Hello.”

    I responded and friended him. We had a few quick messages back and forth to which he ended by saying, “I should drive up and visit you sometime.”

    Today I suddenly felt so nostalgic and warm and felt such anticipation and happiness just thinking about his smile. So I decided to write him a quick message in between my classes.

    I messaged him, “I feel so warm and happy at the thought of seeing you again. I feel kind of giddy and excited. Your suggestion of coming to visit me really brightened my day and I feel wonderful. I appreciate you finding me and messaging me.”

    To which he asked for my phone number, gave me his phone number, asked me what I was doing NEXT weekend and wants to drive up here (four hours) and take me out!!

    That’s exhilarating. Things can happen so quickly. I’m really actually very excited to see him and to realize how wonderfully he responded to my “feeling” message. I feel kind enamored with this process again.



  235.  #235Andrea on March 4, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Oh April… hugs!! I tried to read through the posts and figure out what’s going on with you but I can’t understand it so I’ll leave off commenting. : )
    Just to say, I’m sorry you’re having a tough time of it right now!



  236.  #236April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Aw, Andrea. I feel fuzzified and peaceful from reading your post. I feel kinda giddy knowing there are such spontaneous-acting fellows like this one.



  237.  #237April Rose on March 4, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Thank you Andrea, sweetheart.
    I’ve been feeling so very frustrated, inarticulate and sad. All in my soup. I can laugh a little now.



  238.  #238Shannon P. on March 4, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Honestly, April, I don’t know why you’re there. It sounds very unsatisfying to me. I would personally feel bad–I know, because my ex also thought that he’d shoehorn me into his life and if I didn’t shoehorn into his life, I was the problem.

    It sounds like WM wants everything his way.

    But my point was exclusively about that one incident and about making sure that we’re putting a man’s behavior above the words we want to hear. We women often get hung up on the idea that a man should “just know” some things (like how to speak lovingly, as an example).

    I am feeling extremely grouchy and exhausted, so I didn’t want to say what I’m really seeing here, but I felt safe commenting on that ONE post.

    Personally, I have been wondering for a bit now why you’re still there, but that’s for you to decide, not me. πŸ™‚



  239.  #239Turquoise on March 4, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    I understand April Rise. I remember wondering how I could feel so alone in my house, with my husband. His body was there…. But not him being warm to me. I’m sorry you are feeling that way.

    Are you concerned about this other woman?



  240.  #240Turquoise on March 4, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    Andrea, that sounds wonderful! I can’t wait to hear all about it! πŸ™‚



  241.  #241Millie on March 4, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    FW 204 thanks for posting that πŸ™‚
    Pedestal it is. Focus on being the woman that is his loss.

    April Rose– I haven’t followed your whole thread but I hear your unhappiness and frustration…my cousin said an amazing thing to me last night, about herself..she said “how often do I put myself in situations that don’t make me feel good?” I felt like that is a great question every woman should ask herself because it breathes choice and gives you the responsibility to place yourself where you want. Just food for thought…

    Andrea–how exciting!!! It’s so good to hear feeling messages working!



  242.  #242Tereana on March 5, 2014 at 4:53 am

    FW – thanks for saying that!

    I actually feel kind of weird with him being away. It creates more anxiety for me. He seems “different” somehow. But whenever I say something bothers me, he expresses a desire for me to be happy and everything to feel good. He wants to see me happy. And when he says that, I feel less fear that I am “messing it up” and more desire to make things flow and relax and be better for everyone…



  243.  #243Tereana on March 5, 2014 at 5:09 am

    Andrea 187- that is a very good question!!

    I can use a couple of things to illustrate..

    First of all, I’m not going to say that I never lean forward at all. But when I do, it’s gentle, and I lean right back after and let him come to me…

    As far as cd-ing, I can say I just generally remind myself that I have options. I think about men I’ve dated I’m the past who I might like, and who might be interested I’m me. Lol. Like S, for example. I don’t have to go out with him. But I can remember him as an “option” – and also as kind if a reminder of why I am choosing to explore this relationship with M instead.

    Last night, I skyped with M all the way in India. It made me feel better to see his face, and he showed me the view of the city.

    But then, since I was on Skype, CCB saw me and said hello. So I chatted with him for a bit. He knows that I’m dating someone. But I let him call me a sweetie and just enjoyed the chat. He asked for a photo of my face, but I didn’t send it, because it didn’t feel right. He did compliment me, though, and I liked it.

    Another example of “leaning back” is this morning. M had suggested chatting on Skype again this a.m., but I knew it would be hard for me as I was getting ready for work. So I thought about it but I didn’t stress.

    Oddly, this is the first morning since we’ve been dating that he hasn’t sent me a message. In fact, I even sent him one & he didn’t reply. But instead of texting him again, I am just on my way to work. He will get back to me. The leaning back, I guess, is just letting that happen while I go about my business and focus on how I really feel – about him or about anything.

    I don’t know if I’m “doing it right,” but definitely it feels like cd-ing hasn’t stopped, in the sense that, I can remember that I am attractive to more than one man, I remind myself that we are not married, and I would stop short of cheating, or anything sexual with another guy, but I don’t mind having a quick flirty exchange.

    Does that make sense?



  244.  #244April Rose on March 5, 2014 at 6:47 am

    Thank you Shannon,

    I try to post mostly positive words and feelings on here. Every so often I get trapped in a miserable place and do a rant. And then I discover I have been pre-menstrual.

    And the word you wrote -“unsatisfying” – was spot on. It’s how I feel about most areas of my life. I’m working on my uplifting vision, and a plan to take me out of that murky layer of dissatisfaction.



  245.  #245April Rose on March 5, 2014 at 6:53 am

    Turquoise,

    My response to this other woman is habitual and reactive. The two of them talking together triggers me.

    However, I am not worried about her as a romantic rival. She is too busy chasing her boyfriend and bossing him round!



  246.  #246Andrea on March 5, 2014 at 8:52 am

    Tereana, thanks.
    Isn’t it funny for me to be feeling anxiety around this issue that hasn’t even come up for me yet?

    I do rather enjoy dating and tend to feel stifled and scared when I’ve been in committed relationships in the past. I’d like to work it all out by paying attention to how you (and other sirens) manage it, before I open up to that possibility again.

    Right now I feel more sunshiney and light and spry just floating around like a free agent and flirting with everyone with out feeling anxious about what a “he” might think. Right now, for me, it feels good to be single. But I can tell that I’m feeling tugs toward a direction of commitment again. So this time I want to be ready.



  247.  #247Tereana on March 5, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    One of the hardest things for me – and I always struggle with this – is not always feeling the need to reply. Sometimes a conversation or exchange is just over and I don’t have to “say” something. And it means leaning forward can come at the end, rather than beginning of a convo.

    Say you reply to something and he doesn’t respond? You are left I a lean-fwd position with nowhere to go. Time to regroup.

    For me, I have flashbacks to my parents having one of their seemingly daily blowout fights. My dad would consistently rail against my mother for “always needing to have the last word.” To which she would inevitable respond – effectively getting the “last word” and proving him “right,” while also making some deep jab at him. He would then point out she had just taken “the last word.” And the cycle would continue ad nauseam.

    It’s actually kind of funny, like a comedy of errors when you at it like this. But it was phenomenally unfunny to a scared 5 or 6-year-old who just wanted her parents to stop yelling and fighting and mistreating each other…

    So I think, in addition to the “lean forward” stance, when I am left with the “last word” or the last text, I feel anxiety because in the back of my mind is my father’s voice, accusing my mother, and me feeling like, “oh my god I’m just like that I don’t want to be like that I don’t want it I don’t want this last word…”

    But at the same time, it is like a big impulse to share, to respond sometimes. You honestly don’t know if the other person can text back. So you can’t always know in advance if you will, in fact, be left with an empty serve that’s not coming back to you.

    I don’t know if I’ve written about this before but I think about this a lot.

    Does anyone else have an experience like this?



  248.  #248Tereana on March 5, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    Andrea – that is super cool! If you are feeling happy with dating and singleness there is no reason to rush in : )

    I can tell you that, for a while, it didn’t bother me. But eventually I felt – and I can only say this in retrospect – but actually stifled in singleness, odd as that may sound. The “freedom” I supposedly had felt like an illusion. I week freedom in partnership, and that feels more meaningful to me.

    But I don’t know if I did anything right or special. I just think it possibly wasn’t my time, and even though I wanted to be partnered before, I knew it didn’t feel right. Now it feels right and it’s not perfect, but it does feel like what I want : )

    Is there a new post up?



  249.  #249Tereana on March 5, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    I *seek freedom in partnership

    And, incidentally, so does he. So that’s cool : )