What Does “Home” Feel Like?

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View from the deck of our room at Sky Lodge in Sedona.

I sat there watching bunnies hop and birds dart and light and clouds change, and wondered what the difference is between “this” and “home.”

What is it about “not being home” that changes the way you feel?

Or DOES it change?

Do we truly bring ourselves everywhere we go?

Is it only a new experience, new information but processed through our same old brain computer?

And – even more important – if you feel “at home” with one man, and not at home with another man – what does that mean?

Are you comfortable because you can be yourself?

Or are you comfortable because you feel about yourself when you’re with him the way you feel most comfortable feeling?

Which might not even be a good feeling?

Getting out of our “comfort zone” is the hugest component (and most oft-said bit of advice) – around making changes in our lives.

Meaning – do we really WANT the change?

Or do we just SAY we do?

Or – are we at such war with our selves inside that one part wants the change, wants the love – and other parts want grief and pain?

And (and this is what we’re all about here) – how do we reconcile those parts and get what we SAY we want, instead of letting the war inside dictate what we get?

Some of us get to wake up one morning (like Byron Katie did) with an entirely new perspective on all of life – and in that moment everything is changed forever after.

Some of us experience a “peak experience’ – where we feel joyful and expanded and spiritually alive and connected to everyone and everything – and even if this experience doesn’t last forever after – it at least gives us a reference point.

Something we can recognize if it happens again.

We can say ahhhh…that’s what it feels like.

And so we can tell the difference with a man if we feel all shut down or if we feel all loose and expanded.

And we’re not quite so quick to “label” a “chemical” reaction or an emotional reaction to a man as something “real” or “important.”

We’re more likely to look for that expanded, joyful feeling as the clue that we’re in the right place with the right person.

We’re more likely to be able to tell the difference between our old patterns of feelings, our comfort zone – especially if our comfort zone is somewhere in the pain and grief zone, or just the “I’m getting by” zone – and genuine feelings of joy and expansion.

And some of us just chug along in baby-steps, discovering as we go what feels good, what feels new, what feels old, what feels sad, bad, mad or afraid, and aim ourselves toward new perspectives, new language, new Happy Ever After every moment.

We have to pay attention to just BE HERE, instead of “doing” all the time just to avoid being here.

And that’s why Circular Dating, for me – is so key.

It’s about practicing, discovering, trying new things, being brave, working stuff out, experimenting with new language and truth telling.

It’s all about slowly allowing “change” to be something we can be comfortable with.

It’s all about “new” being something we can be comfortable with.

It’s all about finding HOME inside ourselves – so that we carry “home” with us everywhere!

Love, Rori


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  1.  #1lk on December 8, 2011 at 6:52 am

    morning, y’all! : )

    “new Happy Ever After every moment” mmmm i love this ! i do want to notice & feel good : )

  2.  #2Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Being brave, even in the face of fear.

  3.  #3lk on December 8, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Rori has built “conscious success” in my opinion… this article was interesting & this guy writes a lot in feeling messages http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2011/12/conscious-success/

    I want to make my life as he describes: “There’s a tendency to think of success in competitive terms, as if the point is to outperform other people. But that isn’t a very effective model. I think most people will experience far greater long-term success through cooperation, mutual support, and encouragement than they will through hard-hearted solo determination.”

  4.  #4Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 6:57 am

    This whole article feels so comforting. Thank you.

  5.  #5lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:01 am

    i feel a tiny bit sad about my neighbor “seeing” so much darkness in her meditations & dreams recently …. & it is becoming so “real” to her that it keeps spilling over into everything ……… haha poor lady : ) she’ll be ok . but it’s really horrible to watch a magical healing goddess be all freaked by a little dust on a rug & think that every man she meets is dark & dangerous or baby & meek & insecure …

    i want to say , no ! no, silly : ) all men are lovely & dear, even the “naughty ones”

  6.  #6lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:02 am

    morning, fw!

  7.  #7light heart on December 8, 2011 at 7:09 am

    I posted this on the last thread, but it took a while to appear because it went to moderation, so here it is again.

    Thank you to Butterfly Wings for your response. I also feet my situation
    similar to yours.

    It’s great to have this oasis to come to for support for a siren with a bit of a dilemma.

    Here’s the story:

    I’ve been in a FWB for about a year, until about 3-4 weeks ago, even though I had made it known that I was looking for lifetime partnership. Unfortunately, I had stopped CDing without getting an agreement on that, so I was getting way too invested. We’d agreed on sexual exclusivity, but then I discovered him back on a dating site, so I confronted him.

    Well, that didn’t go so well, and then I did the old lay down the boundary thing again, and that didn’t go over too well either. He basically said he did it because I had started breaking his b*lls again. That didn’t go over too well with me. Making me responsible for his sneaky behavior.

    So we both just kind of stepped back, but I was holding out for an in-person discussion. That didn’t happen, but then he started texting sentimental stuff. I didn’t like that, saw it as manipulative, and started thinking of him as a coward. Judgment, I know.

    So, then I went ballistic and said why are you texting me, I need you to put your cards on the table, etc. and if you won’t then leave me alone,and he said the old ‘It’s not you it’s me I can’t give you what you deserve.’

    Now, I don’t know if I want to let this lie like this.
    I kind of want to go back and correct myself, but I don’t want to make the first move, although if I don’t I’m not sure he will. which could be just as well, but I kind of don’t want him out of my life, because it’s just so enthralling being together, but I think there’s better matches out there for me, really.
    Basically, even with the toxicity, I think I want to keep him in the rotation.

    anyway, what do you think of this:

    I don’t want it to be that we never see each other again, and I don’t want you out of my life.

    I like eating dinner with you, among other things.

    I’m just trying to take care of myself –
    and don’t want to get my heart broken,
    and I know I can be a little dramatic at times.

    I didn’t mean to judge you and I don’t want to be judged either.
    It would be nice to find a way to communicate where both my
    feelings and your feelings can be honored.

    I know that I did not approach it in the right way.

    Thoughts Anyone?

    My biggest concern is should I make the first move?
    Maybe wait a bit? Don’t do anything until he contacts me again? I think he might think I was totally serious when I said I have nothing more to say until you get real with me, and may have ended it with, the it’s you not me. I’m just not sure.
    Probably just do nothing, like Winnie the Pooh says.


    light heart

  8.  #8Mel on December 8, 2011 at 7:09 am

    To me, “at home” with a man means I can feel the tension release from my body. I can giggle and feel like a big kid and say anything I’m feeling without fear. I feel accepted… just like I do when I actually go home to my family.

  9.  #9light heart on December 8, 2011 at 7:13 am

    Oh yes, I do have a dinner date with a new CD I met on-line for this Saturday, so I’m not just sitting around pining.

    light heart

  10.  #10Mel on December 8, 2011 at 7:17 am

    I wanted to share a cute story…

    Yesterday, I didn’t hear from Architect all day. Which is highly unusual. I know he’s really busy at work, so I missed him, but assumed he just had a lot going on, or a crazy deadline or something.

    At 7:30 in the evening, I get an email from him saying he’s finally home and feels soooo bad that he was out of touch all day, and are we still on for tonight. When I arrived later on, he said it felt terrible to not be able to contact me and it’s times like these when he wishes he had a cell phone (he’s anti-cell phone LOL) so he could call me.

    Super sweet… but also a reminder to me that just because I don’t hear from him, doesn’t mean I’m not in his thoughts. I’ll just choose to believe this from now on… whenever I’m feeling disconnected.

  11.  #11Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 7:23 am

    Hi lk I love your writing style. I really enjoy reading it. Though it is not standard style all the time I experience your expressions as very clear and aware.

  12.  #12lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:24 am

    speaking of men …

    last night, went out with my buddy & his 2 friends. one of them was SUPER cute : ))) & I right off the bat when they asked me what i’d been up to explained how i’ve been dating & why it works for me : )

    i also got to tell buddy about my 2 exes who i’m kind of “dating” LOL, he was pumped – he thinks HT is the best : )

    & it was so sweet because the cute friend was being ALL giving & manly to me, acting so respectful, like it was a first date or something, hahaha, even though we were out shooting pool & eating mexican food & drinking beers : )

    &&& the nicest thing ever… my buddy says to me (in front of the cute friend, who about died when this was said), “WOW, lk, you really drive men cr8zy” & started listing off all the men i’ve ever made “insane”

    hahahaha…. awww the dear men! i don’t mean to make you cr8zy if i do … : )

    & now they’ve invited me to play pool with them every week : ) & also the cute friend…. he needs a cd name…… i’ll call him forgotten similar because i guess we met once, but i forgot, & because he reminds me of my really good friend (that i loved forever, but now we can’t date because he’s an investment banker & is always counting & calculating & optimizing & strategizing & that makes me feel bored : / )…… ANYWAY, finish your sentence, lk! yes, forgotten similar CD was touching me all night & gave me a really close, warm hug goodbye… & he was so cute ! dancing like a real man in my living room when i played the good song for them : ) ANYWAY, seriously finish the effing sentence. yes, FScd invited me out to a PARTY tonight as well !!! FUNNNNN with a bunch of smart young men, so that will be amazing : ))))

    & my buddy was like, yeah, call me tomorrow & i can give you the details…… then – very clearly so that FS cd could hear me & understand – i said, “haha, no ! the reverse, please ? you please send me the details & i’ll let you know if i’m coming : )” & they both laughed & said, yes ok : ) gg lk

    also, dl emailed me last night just saying Hi & he misses me : ) that’s sweet : )))

    listened to some of the music CDcd made me… glad i went out last night, because i totally forgot to call him & that actually feels better to call him a day later then he asked because i feel like the lunch & the emails & everything are still really close, so the space & time are nice to have to myself

    what else? oh, yes, a man i met at that industry party sent me an email…. hm, i feel turned off. i gave him my email for work purposes & he’s emailing me for personal reasons. i was being *SO* boy that night, to keep myself safe around the beer & all the men & also my co-workers………. i feel like, “Listen, dude… the night we met, i was being a BOY, ok, so, like, nohomo bro” like, if he was turned on by me then…….. then he’s a girl ! lol i don’t want to date women : /

    omg still swooning over cutie FScd : ) thanks, buddy, for inviting me out & making me so comfortable : ))) & thanks for bringing some cute friends around : )

    oh, EWWWW… bad buddy >: ( that’s a frowny face with crumpled brow. anyway, just remembered that my buddy triggered me by saying something about me … kind of flirting, but not really …. then being like, “well, i don’t know what to do about girlfriend”

    wow, that is a pattern for me to heal. when men say to me, ” i don’t know what to do about my girlfriend ” they sound like they’re saying “you’re really amazing & i have doubts about my relationship so it’s fine for us to get closer & maybe almost kiss – it’s not infidelity unless we actually kiss & actually maybe it could be ok for us to kiss & now i want to marry you actually & actually i’ve been in love with you since the moment we met” HOWEVER, what they are actually saying is, “i’m currently in an exclusive romantic relationship with someone who is not you”

    lol, thanks lk : )

  13.  #13Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Mel they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes I wonder if that is the reason some guys poof, they want to feel the deep yearning in them. Or maybe it is the reason they come back? I imagine that when we are in each others face all the time that sweet deep longing cannot be experienced or fulfilled upon reconnecting.

  14.  #14Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 7:32 am

    lk I just finished the tapping on the money shadow and am wondering about your banker. Is there something there that you could learn from his focus on money? I would encourage you to do that tapping to see if you could uncover something for yourself.

  15.  #15Mel on December 8, 2011 at 7:33 am

    For sure FW!

    I forgot to mention… that the reason he didn’t contact me was that the internet was down at his office. This morning I got a delayed message saying “I really hope this gets through….’ LOL

  16.  #16light heart on December 8, 2011 at 7:40 am

    feeling like home everywhere
    yes, that’s what’s it’s all about
    self-abandoning means leaving home
    somewhere else
    Home…don’t leave home without it

    Thank you feelings of shame, blame, pain
    and guilt, for without them I would not
    appreciate the beauty and exquisiteness
    of home
    light heart

  17.  #17T-Girl on December 8, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Love this article. I am reading messages to many of us here in this article.

  18.  #18lk on December 8, 2011 at 8:02 am

    also, the cr8ziest thing… so last month i just never got my pxriod. which was strange, but i guess i knew i wasn’t going to get it…. i don’t really know why, but it doesn’t matter. anyway, yesterday was a RED day in my life, lol, wore red tights, maroon skirt, pink shirt, salmon sweater, red purse…… & in the car on the way to the bar with the men, i realized, wow, i am just about to blxed ! eek ! but thank goodness, i had a txmpon in my purse – thanks, lk! – & so i just focused on breathing the blxod up into me & healing all my brain & other pains with the new falling life blxod …. then when we got into the bar, i was talking to FScd & making such eye contact that i took a txmpon out of my purse & put it in my skirt pocket without him noticing a thing : ) then excused myself & not a drop of blxod had fallen yet ! magic : ) now i feel really heavy & round, like i look pregnant lol : ) it’s good & I feel happy & good in the heaviness : )))

  19.  #19lk on December 8, 2011 at 8:06 am

    thanks, fw!!! thanks for the tapping reminder : )

    is there a text explanation that you’d recommend? i feel exceedingly curious : ))) but i don’t want to watch the video at work : / lol guilty lk bad girl no i’m not !

  20.  #20Esteemed on December 8, 2011 at 8:19 am


    RE: #18 – LOL, I felt good reading that! You are all that and a bag of chips! Go, girl!

  21.  #21lk on December 8, 2011 at 8:22 am

    from Steve Pavlina:

    Get Your Financial Beliefs in Order

    Do you harbor any beliefs such as these?

    Great art and money don’t mix.
    It’s noble to be a starving artist.
    Artists who make tons of money are sell-outs.
    Money corrupts true creative expression.

    If your thoughts have been infected by such limiting beliefs, even a little, consider how this will affect your efforts to earn serious income from your work. These beliefs are financially retarded. With such mental baggage, you’ll miss too many opportunities to generate income from your art. In fact, you probably won’t even notice them. These beliefs will cause you to behave stupidly.

    Consider upgrading your beliefs to something along these lines:

    Money can help fuel creative expression.
    Creativity is free; paintbrushes aren’t.
    Great art is financially valuable; surely the artist deserves a fair share.
    Artists who make lots of money have good business sense.
    Great art deserves great financial support.
    Art is a creative endeavor, but it’s also a business.
    Fans are nice, but customers pay the bills.

  22.  #22lk on December 8, 2011 at 8:24 am

    My new mantra: “Creativity is free, paintbrushes aren’t”

  23.  #23sammie sighs on December 8, 2011 at 8:34 am

    I like this article carry home with us everywhere!! I love home, home is where my loved one are, thank you Rori another amazing, thought provoking article showing again only WE have the ability to create in ourselves what we want to be! I feel sense of calm and warmth speading from my tummy to through my body 🙂

  24.  #24lk on December 8, 2011 at 8:36 am

    emotional prioritizing — coming “home” to the heart

    Steve Pavlina : )

    Heart-Centered Prioritizing

    When you prioritize with the heart, it’s important to get a clear signal. I recommend that you consume no drugs like caffeine or alcohol for at least a week just to be safe. Otherwise your nervous system is likely to be out of whack, and the heart-mind communication won’t work as well. If you really want to amp it up, eat all raw for a week, or try fasting, juice fasting, or mono meals for a few days first.

    You’ll want to achieve a state known as coherence, where the heart and brain synchronize their communication patterns. This is the difference between listening to music and listening to noise.

    To achieve coherence, you need to focus on creating a certain emotional state. Once you’re in that state, your brain will sync to your heart. This can be physically measured with the proper equipment. Perhaps the most significant change is in your HRV (heart rate variability). When you’re out of coherence, your HRV bounces around chaotically. When you’re in coherence, your HRV looks like a smooth sine wave if you were to graph it over time. Your heart actually speeds up and then slows down in a very flowing pattern, almost like music.

    Emotionally this state of coherence can be described as: unconditional love, compassion, appreciation, and gratitude. If you’re feeling these emotions, you’re there. If you’re not feeling these emotions, you’re not there. Feeling neutral or okay or fine is not coherence.

    Coherence has many benefits. It feels good emotionally, but it’s also good for your health, your mental performance, your social life, and beyond.

    While the heart is the loudest voice in heart-brain communication, the brain can still influence the heart. So you can create this coherence state by holding thoughts in your mind that are congruent with these feelings. You can recall positive memories or use visualization. Another method is to listen to music that evokes these emotions. I like the song One by U2.

    Play around to find a method that works for you. You can do it all in your mind if you want, such as by visualizing a positive scene, but you can just as easily induce coherence through external means, such as by cuddling someone you care about.

    The reason to put yourself into a state of coherence first is simple: incredible clarity. Once you’re in this state of coherence, you can trust that your heart-brain communication will be at peak efficiency. You can still attempt to prioritize outside of this state, but the results won’t be as reliable.

    Now while you’re enjoying this warm, glowing heart-centeredness, ask yourself what’s most important to you in life. Create your prioritization list by focusing on your feelings. I expect you’ll find this pretty easy to do.

    You’ll probably notice that the way your heart prioritizes is very different from the way your logical brain works. For instance, when you’re in coherence, it’s pretty obvious that making lots of money isn’t that important, and it may not make it onto your priority list at all.

    You may come up with a list that looks something like this:

    Feeling connected
    Helping people
    Serving the greater good
    Being kind
    Sharing my gifts and talents with the world

    Please do try this for yourself. Don’t just read this article and skip this exercise.

    You’ll probably notice that heart-centered prioritizing is actually faster and easier than logical prioritizing.

    The heart-centered approach is also more consistent. When you use the logical approach, you’ll get different answers each time. Every month you apply hard logic to set your priorities, your answers will keep shifting, sometimes radically. But with the heart-based approach, you’ll find that your answers remain remarkably consistent. You may use different words to describe your priorities and shift the ordering around a little, but you’ll be struck by a feeling of coming home to a delightful sense of clarity each time you do this. It may feel like remembering rather than prioritizing. The answers flow with little effort.

  25.  #25Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 8:38 am

    lk I have to go through the video to get the text

  26.  #26Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 8:43 am

    RE 24 love it

  27.  #27lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:00 am

    felt like a baller last night playing pool…. was playing horribly lol, & i said to FScd, yes, i’m good with the math & angles, but not so good with the physical execution.

    he says, “oh, are you as good as B at math?” i say better : ) he ASKS B who says, “she was in high school, but not now” (because he was a math major lol)

    well i said, “oh, well I have been doing some work on the side : )” & then I said, “you want to chat string theory ? i can teach you to weave them : ) ” & B & FS freaked out like did you just say that ?

    then i say, ” besides, you all are men – & men are wonderful – but you do Man Math – I know Woman Magic” LOL they all died : ) lk is a good girl !

  28.  #28Starla on December 8, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Aww I like this article.

    I am feeling “at home” with CF, in a different way than I ever felt with any man. It’s f*cking neat.

    I have nightmares every single night (I know, it’s weird) for as long as I can remember, minus a few recent weeks, but I’m back to stressful, horrible dreams that have me waking up stressed out and cranky every morning.

    Last night CF came over for a hug visit (lol) and as he was leaving just before my bed time, like literally out the door, he stops and says, “I need to have a word with you subconscious.” Then he whispers “have good dreams….please.”

    it worked! i woke up happy and peaceful, and…on time, not trying to go back to sleep so i can have just a few minutes of dream-less rest. Not feeling sick with stress. It magically worked. hehe

    i feel so much love and care from him i feel teary and full and joyful and it makes me feel safe like i could feel that way even without him, he just helps me get there immediately…it’s crazy.

    i’m such a happier person these days.

  29.  #29Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 9:36 am

    LK some of the script from the money shadow video
    Being a little selfish around my life, my goals, my wealth; that could be a gift for me

    I am open to growing myself into a million dollar money maker. I am open to the gift of being focussed on money. I am open to stepping into the part of me that is a million dollar money manager.
    I may not be that person today but I am open to growing myself into a really good money manager
    I commit to growing myself. As I do this I let the Universe know you can send me a lot money. I can handle it. I will do right by that money. I totally honor my innate brilliance and I honor that focus
    I am now allowing my focus to include money and wealth amassment for my highest good

  30.  #30Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 9:37 am

    aaaawww Starla that’s so beautiful.

  31.  #31Sweetpea on December 8, 2011 at 9:40 am

    I’m feeling at home with myself.

    AND…my dear friend gave me a $50 gift card for Wally (for my birthday), so my dog food dilemma is solved!! Woohoo!

    The Universe is abundant! I’m off for more tapping this morning, then have to take my friend to run errands. And then…work!

    This is an awesome article though. I feel safe and comfortable with MM, but I’m getting to the point where I feel at home everywhere and with everyone. So what does this mean? Not sure.

    What I do know, is that my “hiding” days are pretty much over. I’ve spent much of the last 10 years “hiding” myself, my true feelings, not making a fuss, playing it small. I’m busting out, though. Slowly sometimes, somedays a lot, but steadily…I’m coming into my own. No more hiding out. Just feeling at-home with myself and feeling trust that I no longer have to hide. I’m safe. Wherever I am, I’m safe!

  32.  #32Sweetpea on December 8, 2011 at 9:48 am

    OMG! Just got onto the 3rd chakra video and see how it talks about the “vow to be invisible.” Ahhh! This is soooo good, so big!

    Thanks again, FW!! – You’re a gem!

  33.  #33Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 10:03 am

    I haven’t done the videos yet. I’m feeling excited to try them. Still having some Internet challenges. High speed gets installed today. Yay! Then I’ll be on here ALL the time!!!
    Just kidding, but I do feel very excited to get this resolved. I’ve been feeling disconnected from family and friends lately.

  34.  #34April Rose on December 8, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Thanks for this post, Rori

    “And so we can tell the difference with a man if we feel all shut down or if we feel all loose and expanded.”

    I feel worried that I’m shutting down out of habit. Feeling loose and expanded is a state I can get into when I practice Rori’s tools.

    I can feel loose and expanded with a man I’m interested in but haven’t known very long. I shut down and get easily irritated by a man I’ve been close to for a long time.

    I’m afraid, and the fear makes me think I don’t have the stamina to make it last, and to remember to stay open from moment to moment.

    My relationship feels dull.
    Is it because I’m judging my man as flakey?

    I listened again to the first disc of Reconnect last night. And I had a go at listing ten things I value and want in a relationship. I felt excited when Rori gave the example of “I want to feel excited.”
    I want to feel a passionate connection with a man, that lasts beyond the initial phase.

  35.  #35Radiance on December 8, 2011 at 10:20 am

    24 lk

    perfect. thanks for posting. I was just going to come on here and ask FW and Daria and others for tips for unblocking creativity, finding one’s passion and committing to it.

    I identify with Barbara Sher’s idea of “scanners” and have trouble committing to a single pursuit.

    This statement is absolutely true for me: “When you use the logical approach, you’ll get different answers each time. Every month you apply hard logic to set your priorities, your answers will keep shifting, sometimes radically.”… So let me try this heart-centered approach. I like the idea of cuddling with someone to get to coherence. I can picture how my priorities would totally shift that way.

    and I like your lil angel too 🙂

  36.  #36April Rose on December 8, 2011 at 10:29 am

    I feel sick.

    There’s a lump of something and heavy bitter-tasting and it’s stuck to my heart.

    I feel utterly rejected and shut out. I’ve never had a man treat me soo badly, in a long long time.

    I started to cry, but stopped it for fear of getting lost in misery.

    The thing is, I can’t lose this man. He can’t really walk out of my life forever. It’s my brother.

    Ouch, my heart is squeezed so tight.
    He left the town where we were staying and working together, after he’d sulked for two days and refused to look me in the eye. He didn’t say goodbye. That was three days ago, and I’ve just phoned him.
    I told him I just want to connect with him. I told him my heart is hurting. I asked “what do you think?” He answered “I don’t know what to say.”
    Then, silence. A long silence. I used to be the one to come forward, but this time I waited. Nothing.
    After about ten minutes of silence I said “I’m feeling sick. I don’t want to be the one who always comes forward”. I said I needed a glass of water, and said goodbye.

  37.  #37Radiance on December 8, 2011 at 10:43 am

    (((April Rose)))

  38.  #38Radiance on December 8, 2011 at 10:47 am

    28 Starla

    “Last night CF came over for a hug visit (lol) and as he was leaving just before my bed time, like literally out the door, he stops and says, “I need to have a word with you subconscious.” Then he whispers “have good dreams….please.””

    I feel tingly reading that. I feel wow to read about that creative expressive way your guy addressed your subconscious. Sounds like a very special soul to have generated that.

    Thank you for sharing. That is inspiration for me to take into my life and interactions with loved ones.

  39.  #39tinque on December 8, 2011 at 11:01 am

    April Rose – Unfortunately you can’t get a man to do anything or feel anything, not even your brother. All you can do is keep your heart open to him.

    He will come around, or he won’t. If he does contact you, you can tell him you miss him and that you don’t want any more bad feelings between you. Just as you would with a man you’re dating.

    Continuing to initiate contact will likely push him farther away. He needs some time and space right now for whatever reason.

    Aside from this, there’s not much else you can do.


  40.  #40April Rose on December 8, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Thanks Radiance, I feel comforted and supported.

    Thanks Tinque, I will keep my heart open to him. We only have each other – our parents died when we were teenagers. We have always been so close since then, so I’m feeling shocked by his coldness.

  41.  #41tinque on December 8, 2011 at 11:35 am

    April Rose – Maybe he’s going through something internal, and he needs to figure himself out on his own.

    As long as your heart remains open to him, he will feel safe to come back when he’s ready, and he will.

    xxoo Dominique

  42.  #42Starla on December 8, 2011 at 11:47 am

    38 Radiance, thank you:) He is way special. Glad to be courted by him:) It is something very special.

    In other news, Alaska rescheduled our date to another weekend, and an old CD, we’ll call him TF for toothpick fingers (long story), is now single, and i’m looking forward to his date invitation:P

    gonna take myself on a walk for my lunch break. it’s a sunny day, nice day to feel like a siren:)

    tonight i’m dying my hair dark, dark brown and hot pink.

  43.  #43light heart on December 8, 2011 at 11:49 am

    btw, Butterfly Wings, I forgot to say not only thank you for your response, but also for the wonderful advice you gave! I have decided to do nothing, because I can’t make things cook faster than they have to. The grief and pain of not being with him is exquisite, but I am using this energy for renewal, to step up and refine my own game, giving myself all the breathing room I need to become comfortable with the change that is happening for me getting out of a comfort zone of various forms of self-abandoning, into something much bigger, much more rewarding and satisfying….the zone of big, joyful expansion….Home! What a great blog post from Rori this is! and just in time, too


    light heart

  44.  #44Daria on December 8, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    Or are you comfortable because you feel about yourself when you’re with him the way you feel most comfortable feeling?

    Ingush yes! Like a boy and a gangsta and a homie! Wow!

    Love to me.

    Wonder what Ingush means. It gets capitalized so it’s a name

  45.  #45lk on December 8, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    i have a question for sirens… feels a little scary & embarrassing : /

    what about when people who’ve know me for a while bring up things in my past….. not that i regret them, because i learned a lot….. but i wouldn’t do them again

    oh, that’s a little silly, lk. can’t you just say, “awwww ! i feel embarrassed when you remind me of that : ) i don’t want to do that kind of thing anymore : )”

  46.  #46lk on December 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    ooh ! surprise : ) sexy CAcd just emailed me ! round & round we go lol… he poofed for a whiiiiile : )

    i notice others at work trying my new email trick : )

    here, i’ll share: when someone says something & you’re like NOOOOOOOOO we have to do it totally the opposite way ! i still open my email with, “Yes, I totally agree” – because I do agree that we have to accomplish the task in the best way – & then i just suggest 1 or 2 fundamental changes, without completing the whole plan that would unravel the other person’s plan : ) so far, people that hear me agree with them want to mirror my agreement back !

  47.  #47lk on December 8, 2011 at 12:20 pm


    oh, & i promise that if i have a baby, i won’t try to be the one that he/she likes best. i will want the baby to be held & loved by everyone & teach it that its loyalty is to itself, not me.

  48.  #48Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    I feel tired today and sad. I asked sweetie to take the dogs on an adventure and give me some space at home to nurture myself. I feel tired and lethargic.
    I love my tiredness and lethargy
    I feel sad, tears welling up in my eyes.
    I feel sad that I feel so tired.
    I feel judgmental of myself.
    It’s do beautiful outside and I don’t feel energized enough to go enjoy it.
    I do feel happy that sweetie understood my need for space
    That felt really good
    I love how sweet and understanding he is
    And I feel proud of myself for the way I expressed it
    I wish I was better at regularly taking time for myself during the day
    That would probably really help
    I live that he likes to be around me so much
    And I feel bad fOr wanting space
    I love that I want sPace
    Sometimes I wish he wouldnt tell me every little thought that comes into his mind.
    I’m trying to quiet my mind
    Must I hear all Of your mental chatter?
    Yet really it’s me that needs to just get up and create my own quiet sPace
    I can take a bath
    Go for a walk
    Spend some time in my goddess temple
    Go on a me date
    Yes, I will take more time for me
    I live that he wants to be with me
    Yet I can’t handle the 24/7 thing
    Yes, I will carve out a little time for me
    I love that he is so understanding

    I will drink lot of water today
    That will helP me feel better fOr sure.
    Water, and rest, and quiet
    And he and the pups are having fun on their walk
    I love me
    Everything is gonna be okay

  49.  #49Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Oh peace and quiet, how I love thee!

  50.  #50Starla on December 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    I took myself on a walk to the drug store for new lotion for my sad, dry skin. I love me.

  51.  #51Mel on December 8, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Doing my hair today too Starla! 🙂 It’s getting unruly… needs a trim and the red needs brightening.

    Mr. Architect said: Unruly? But your hair’s so pretty. Well, dear, that’s because I get it done every six weeks! 😉

    It’s “me” day… hair, chat with my bff, healthy salad for din-din, running at the gym, doings some creative crafty things…. Sorry Mr. A too busy to pay you any attention today!

    I also got a lovely email from my friend with BEEnefits. It’s been a while since we’ve hung-out. He wants to make me special coffee and catch up. And he said “It would be so nice to see you Honeybee!” Awwww…. Honeybee! I love that! I really like when guys give me affectionate nicknames! 🙂

  52.  #52Joy on December 8, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Gorgeous Sirens,
    I was wondering what do you say when a guy says, “If you are interested in going out again, give me a call.”

    Or my ex-boyfriend would tell me that when I call him it shows I care…but what about him showing he cares? Last Thursday, he texted me during the day to ask if we could chat that night. I said after 9 pm, and I have never heard from him. A week ago..this is after he has said he wants back in my life. Now, I have been wondering if he thought I would call him since I said after 9. If/When he calls and asks why I haven’t called him, what would you say? I just never know what to say when a new guy or boyfriend asks for me to call him.

  53.  #53Starla on December 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    oooh mel, healthy salad, i feel inspired. i shall make one for myself tonight, thank you:)

  54.  #54Butterfly Wings on December 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    683 Lili (from previous thread) – yep I have a four year old – and a 14 year old. And my girls mean the world to me.

    I’m feeling a bit down though right now. Neither of them live with me full time and I miss them both sooo much…. 🙁

    As for working out where my unworthiness comes from I really don’t know!? I am part of a loving family, my parents were (and still are) wonderful, although my mother and I weren’t that close till I was a little older. I suppose I always wanted my independence and it was very difficult for my parents to let me have that….

  55.  #55Butterfly Wings on December 8, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    10 Mel – Awww, you so need to send him over here! He’s sooo lovely! 🙂

  56.  #56Queenbee on December 8, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I feel angry that they lost my photos. Don’t feel like re-shooting. I feel like blaming and screaming. A bit freaked out by people’s incompetence… oh boy. It feels awful.

    Home feels like joy and expanded space.

    Sometimes I feel good, sometimes I don’t.

    Been thinking about all my past relationships/men I was involved with in any way… I feel angry. Some were straight out not the right one and some I pushed away and will never find out. How does one reconcile these feelings?

    I used to think it would just ‘happen’ for me…. I was young, beautiful, everything ‘going’ for me… and I was told the lie that it would just ‘happen’ when I least expected it. Oh, just focus on your life and a good man will miraculously fall into your lap. Yuck! how icky I feel now, and cheated. What a limited, silly view. No it does not just ‘happen’. SFB!!! Feeling so angry!!

    Sometimes I feel like reaching out to TangoMan. Don’t worry I won’t do it.


    i feel a bit shaky. How is this ever going to work itself out for me?

    I read all the advice from Rori and Evan, and I feel hopeless… Like I’ll never manage, it’s all too much, I can’t be that person, too much to ask of me, I don’t have time, they’ll still withdraw no matter what, I’m just an F-up and it’s never going to work, I’ll never be able to make it work, I don’t want to make it work, it seems like a lot of work to be doing to make it work….

    Feeling sad and teary. I never thought I’d be this single so long… and I don’t even have a proper plan of action other than ‘reading’ more advice. I feel frustrated with my town and my choices….

    I feel confused about what I want and what I’m looking for.

    Ok, that’s me. Now going to sprinkle and gush love on my misery.

    Loving my sad and lonely self 🙁

  57.  #57mali on December 8, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Well, now I can see why V-CD was taking his time asking me out.

    I can’t remember exactly how the texts read, but he said something along the lines of, “Sorry for the late text, had a phone meltdown! I noticed you don’t drink? I totally respect that, but I just feel it wouldn’t work with a party guy like myself. Not that I’m a nutter! But it’s cool if you’re up for a laugh and good company”

    When I received this, I felt sad, but happy too. Impressed, even.

    So my reply went like this, “Not a nutter eh? Really? 😉 I really respect your honesty, so thankyou. I’m not looking to make friends, but I’m looking to date. It’s been good to talk to you, though, and I wish you luck!”

    His reply: “That’s cool. I like to work hard and play hard, so that involves parties and social drinking. (Something about someone who’s not used to that not getting it). You didn’t even get to see me in the flesh. What a shame.”

    At this point, I’m feeling turned off. I’ve heard the phrase, “I like to work hard an play hard” so often, it’s unbelievable…!

    He then sent me a couple of pictures of himself through an application called WatsApp (like Instant Mesenger on a phone), bare chested. And God, does he have a great physique! (He’s a Gym teacher at college).

    And then a message saying, “That’s enough flesh! Sorry if this offends, I can be quite cheeky at times”.

    To which I replied, “I wasn’t offended at all 😉 Take care!”

    To that, he sent another picture. I’m not replying to it. I’ve deleted his number, and the chat conversation, because I’m not accepting anything that I don’t want.

    I’m feeling sad- he seemed fun, and he’s hot! But a little disappointed… I was hoping he’d show more depth through his messages.

    And because of that- happiness. I get this feeling that he will probably try and contact again, but I’m not going to reply.

    YAY ME! I’m so proud of myself!!

  58.  #58Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    I’m starting to feel better. I journaled and got some inner clarity. And then the Internet guy showed up and he was really outgoing, and friendly and that felt awesome.

    Thank you universe for sending e such a positive interaction with a stranger. I really really enjoy those kind off experiences. Thank you, seriously. 🙂

    I’m feeling more energized and that feels good.

    And he even made a comment which is that I have the best of both worlds.
    I get to live in the woods with an amazing view and now I get to enjoy one of the conveniences Of modern technology.
    Thank you universe fOr getting good Internet out here. I let you know when I was finally ready for it and you made it happen. You always take such great care Of me.

    And I know when something isn’t happening, it’s just cuz I’m not ready and somehow blocking it from coming in.

    And I can be patient with myself.

    I don’t need for everything to happen at once. Just like I wouldn’t eat a lifetime’s worth of food in one sitting, I don’t need for all of my lifetime’s dreams to manifest right now.

    I will enjoy and appreciate them as they come.

    And yes, thank you fOr the fast Internet.

    I do really appreciate that it’s available now.

    And I know other good things are coming shortly, yet I’m gonna slow down and appreciate this one for a while.

    It’s going tO make my life so much easier. No more fighting with dial-up. No more driving into town to use the Internet. No more struggling with my teeny phone.

    I feel so excited about this.

    And judgemental of myself.

    It’s just internet…geez.

    Whatever NV’s! It’s okay fOr me to celebrate the baby steps.

  59.  #59mali on December 8, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    @ Joy- 52: I usually say, “Actually, if you could drop me a message, that would be great!”, or “I prefer men to make plans”, or “I feel uncomfortable making plans, actually… I’d love it if you could!”

    Something honest and firm, yet warm at the same time 🙂

  60.  #60Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    Yay! I’m starting to feel better and better. Changing the channel. I like that.

  61.  #61Radiance on December 8, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    I am still dwelling on Rori’s words from last Monday about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher:

    “There’s a level at which we women accept things – things we might not have ever thought we could accept, but things we kind of go along with, feel okay about, weigh the trade-offs of, make temporary decisions about, let time pass and hope weirdness will go away around, make excuses about, justify, reassure ourselves about, act cool around – until we aren’t okay with them anymore.

    Sometimes the line is so small – no one else understands what was the “straw” that broke things for you.

    Sometimes we don’t even know ourselves when the moment was when it was “okay,” and when the moment was when it was “not okay.”

    It all turns into a blur, but a bad-feeling blur.”

    Woosh, that is so fitting for a situation that is winding down with me wherein I did all of that: made excuses and trade offs, went along with weirdness, reassured myself… and then the final switch flipped. I realize now that I had been grieving the winding down as the situation went along (for more than 2 years), because I knew it would have to end. By the time of the final straw, there wasn’t all that much grieving or letting go left to do. Although there is still some adjusting to the absence, the void. Having more actual time and more emotional roominess.

    I was so overfunctioning. I love my overfunctioning self that I learned so much from.

    Reading someone else’s succinct words describe indirectly what I am experiencing helps me feel deeply understood. And not so alone or isolated. There is healing in that. Thank you, Rori!!

    I feel grateful.

  62.  #62Joy on December 8, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Thanks, Mali! I just never know what to say when they ask for me to call as I know we should receive and “lean back”, not “lean forward”.

  63.  #63Tiffany on December 8, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    That’s so funny! I was just talking this morning/afternoon with someone about feeling “out of place.” And it got me thinking about how a person can be like a place – someone to feel “home” with.

    I haven’t felt that in a looooong time… 🙁

  64.  #64Tiffany on December 8, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Obviously, I can feel “home” in many places, and with many people. Just some people more than others…

  65.  #65Starla on December 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    This metaphor of feeling at home is great. It is reducing my pining feelings today. If I feel “at home” with CF, I have no need to lean forward. I just think…when I’m at home in my apartment, I don’t go knocking on the walls to make sure they’re still there.
    I don’t check up on my house when I’m at work. It is there. It is my home. Like, duh.

    Except HIS walls hug you and kiss you. yum

  66.  #66Ella on December 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Mali re 57,

    Just wondering, would you not consider being open to this guy?

    When we are CD-ing it doesn’t matter if our livestyles are similar or not to the men we date.

    I am learning so much dating men who are not my usual type.

    It just felt to me reading your texts like you are shutting down.

    He sounded like he was quite keen and was just bringing up a concern when he mentioned your two different lifestyles. I didn’t read it like he doesn’t want to meet you.

    My understanding is we date them unless we feel unsafe…

    What do you think?

  67.  #67Starla on December 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    CF > a house


  68.  #68Tiffany on December 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Hi Ladies –

    Sorry I take so many hiatuses, and I know I don’t always have time to participate in conversations. I do like always having the option to pop on here and read, write and/or vent.

    This is one of those times. and I’m so scared to write about what’s going on, but I just feel so isolated and so alone. And I’m also afraid to write here, because I don’t know what anyone is going to say about it. You might get angry at me. You might give me advice I don’t want to hear. But I guess I am going to take my chances. Here goes…

    I’ll start with the positive: in terms of guys, things are going great!! I feel attracted to and that I am attracting some really lovely men. Many men are contacting me out of the blue, that I had thought had disappeared. It makes me feel good. I feel sexy, alive, attractive and desired/desireable.

    But here’s where I get scared: I am far from having dealt with/solved my money issues. I know I posted about this before. And I think either Ella or Emerson was posting about similar money woes (big debt, not enough income, fledgling business, etc. I think it was Ella….)

    Anyway, ladies, I am feeling so lost. So alone. There is one thing I need desperately: cash in the bank. And I have no idea who or where to turn to ask for help. This morning, as I was taking a shower, I seriously considered prostitution. I kid you not. And then it seemed like even *that* wouldn’t be a good solution – unless I could charge 10k a pop 😉 I can’t ask my family or even talk to them about what’s happening. My friends love me, but I don’t see any of them being willing or able to just up and hand me a bunch of money. That one guy with all the money and looking for places to “invest” that I talked about? (That was V.) Well, he seemed to think that what I am doing is too “normal” and isn’t worth an investment on his part. He is a multimillionaire with more money than he knows what to do with. I am just an honest, hard-working person with a deep heart, and so much love, so much to give, yet no money to show for it. I can’t pay my rent anymore. I can’t pay my bills. I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen. And I feel so scared. Yet no one who knows cares, and no one who cares, knows. And I’m afraid to tell them because they might judge me. I’m already judging me. I already feel like a bad person. A failure. A good-for-nothing. Like I “deserve” this. I feel so bad. I feel so sad in my heart. And so, so, so afraid….

    I have been trying so hard to be positive. I’ve been trying so hard to put on a brave face and pretend like it was somehow all magically going to be “okay.” But I just don’t know anymore. How is it going to be okay?

    When is a $20,000 check going to arrive in the mail, for no reason, just so that I can have some relief for a few months? That, and a steady job with health insurance and other benefits to keep my going while my business builds and thrives.

    Incidentally, I did feel somewhat better this morning when I woke up. That’s because I had a vivid dream, in which I was involved in a multi-billion-dollar contract because of some random consulting work I had done for a friend. The product involved was worth $86-87 billion. And I thought to myself in the dream: “Too bad for V, because he could have had a piece of this, if only he had invested with me.”

    So I don’t know. I guess that’s encouraging. I guess I know at some point, it WILL work out. I just have to keep my chin up and keep doing small things, like I have been.

    But right now, I feel deep in the hole, and I don’t know the way out. Help, if you can, if you have any ideas. Or at least, just…pray for me. 🙂

    Thanks. Hugs to you all, and lots of Magic….

  69.  #69mali on December 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    @ Ella- 57: I did wonder about this, actually. But, he said outright that he feels it wouldn’t work because I don’t drink.

    I’m sad to hear it, but if that’s how he sees it, I wouldn’t like to just meet up for a laugh and good company… I want to date.

    *sigh* But now, I’m really confused…

  70.  #70mali on December 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Okay, I am feeling really scared that I “messed this up”, now… I thought I was presenting boundaries, but maybe I was being closed. *sigh* Lump in my throat and feeling really shaky… I was attracted to this guy from his pictures, maybe I pushed him away… I’m feeling quite helpless now, and feeling all needy of validation.

  71.  #71Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    yes! It’s installed! things are moving along nicely!

  72.  #72Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Now I feel like spamming just because I can!
    This is so fast!

  73.  #73Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    okay, now I’m gonna test out FB and netflix!

    oh my gosh, i feel dorky but this is really so cool

  74.  #74tinque on December 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Tiffany – All I have to offer is hugs and loving thoughts.

    xxoo Dominique

  75.  #75Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Good evening sirens!!

    I feel a little bit sad and empty tonight. In the last 3 weeks, I was receiving invitations from friends, from guys… I was looking for the weekend because it was full of parties and activities…

    This week, the only invite I got was from C.A-CD and I told him I was no feeling comfortable to go have dinner at his place… And no parties either… I have no plan for the weekend except for a museum with my mom on Sunday afternoon. Thinking of it makes me sad. Made me feel just like back when P and I broke up. I was home alone and no one was calling me 🙁

  76.  #76Starla on December 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    ohhh ladies, i just did something so brave… i invented a way to automatically do 95% of a labor-intensive task with a neat little formula in Excel. We’re talking hours and hours of work down to 2 minutes. But that’s not the brave thing. The brave thing is I emailed my boss and told him I wanted to show him. It was scary because I figure he won’t believe me until he sees it. But, he better believe it!

    Imma show him tomorrow during my annual review, lol, wish me luuuckkkkkkkk

    Scared little girl

  77.  #77Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    I really think that S will not call me back. E probably got a little turn off after last weekend… C.A-CD is dreaming of spending time with me but I so don’t want. DjCD will probably call tomorrow night, but last minute like always…

  78.  #78Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Oh Starla congrats! Why are you scared? If it works and it’s a good idea!!! 🙂

  79.  #79Starla on December 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Because I’m the only woman working here.

    Because I’m a scared little girl

    Because the last time I stuck my neck out there, my boss chewed me out and told me I offended him, lol.

  80.  #80Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Oh I see 🙂

  81.  #81lk on December 8, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    @Tiffany 68

    I feel confused & interested by what you said….

    I’m wondering if it’s possible – though maybe not a “solution” – that you could say to V – “I’m feeling scared about money right now…. it feels like empty & like sinking…….. It felt bad when you said that my idea was “too normal”……. I do feel curious about your ideas for improving my idea or for finding more money or other investors to support me now so that i can keep building this thing that i really want…. what do you think?”

    sounds like he knows how to make money, maybe he could help you by teaching & sharing ideas?

    love & magic : )

  82.  #82Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    From Mel:

    “but also a reminder to me that just because I don’t hear from him, doesn’t mean I’m not in his thoughts. I’ll just choose to believe this from now on… whenever I’m feeling disconnected.”

    Oh what a nice story. Maybe I’m still in S thoughts even if he’s not calling me… Thanks Mel, your post feels very hopeful to read!

  83.  #83Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    I’m feeling more calm now. i just test drove all the sites that were normally slow or impossible to run and they all run super fast.

    I feel sort of jumpy today and unable to focus on anyone else’s issues. I feel kinda weird and disconnected.

    It’s okay though. I’m just having an off-energy day.
    I will feel normal soon.
    It’s easy. I just have to change the channel.
    I went from feeling tired and lethargic
    to jumpy and unfocused
    what comes next?
    maybe calm
    maybe focus
    maybe joy
    maybe gratitude
    that sounds good
    i have work to do and all i wanna do is watch videos
    maybe I can find something interesting to listen to while I work
    Oh yes, that should be easy now
    and my work will be so much easier now that i am not struggling with connection issues
    onward and upward
    things are going well!

    Does anyone have suggestions for some good talks to listen to?

  84.  #84Femininewoman on December 8, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    Joy “I would feel more comfortable if you call. When I call men it feels like I am chasing them and I don’t want to feel that way”.

  85.  #85Ella on December 8, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Mali re 69 and 70,

    I feel uncomfortable and a lil sad as I did not intend to trigger you to second guess yourself.

    Actually I think you are doing great.

    Remember it is all practice anyway so outcome not important.

    To me it sounded great when you stated your boundary about wanting to date… and the thing is it looked to me like that is what he was offering you.

    I don’t know and really the bottom line is it is not up to us to try and figure it out anyway.

    We either accept or reject offers.

    You stated your boundary that you want romantic dating, however the way it looked is that following that he wanted to keep the communication going, and you kept shutting it down? By saying ‘take care’ sounds to me like a polite way to end the conversation with the other person.

    Him bringing up about him being a party animal sounds to me more like his insecurity that you would not want him… he knows you are a high value woman.

    And directly after didn’t he basically say something like it was fine as long as you are up for having a laugh etc… ?

    And then he kept sending you pics and texts… this is what guys do when they are into us.

    For me, coming from the other side, ie: I have had my own issues with drink and have felt afraid, insecure, not good enough to date people who don’t drink, plus I had/have major fears that they are going to be boring (unfounded, illogical fears) and that I will feel bored, and I might justify it to myself if I met someone I liked who didn’t drink by saying ‘oh well I can see they have a sense of humour and are up for a laugh so I won’t feel bored…’

    I could be off the mark and just offering you an alternate perspective here.

    Anyway I don’t see anything for you to feel bad about, you have just acted like a high quality, valuable Diva, and if anything it will have ramped up the attraction.

    So all I’m saying is it looks to me like he is into you and does want to see you if you stay open. Staying open is the answer, cus then either way it will play out.

    Either he’ll step up or not.

    Just that next time he contacts maybe come from the place that he DOES want you, and want to date you.

    I think Daria once said she assumes all guys will be attracted, and this changed my perspective, as I had a tendancy to close down and push guys away if I percieved that they weren’t into me.

    Oh and I was usually wrong!


  86.  #86mali on December 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    @ Ella- 85: I agree- by saying “Take care”, I was trying to cover up my vulnerability, and it’s what I’m feeling bad about.

    The reason I feel attracted to him is because he’s older and he’s very hot from his pictures! I do still hope he steps up, and if so, I know I’ve got the boundary side sorted, I’ll try and be more open…

    Thankyou so much for your post- it’s given me a lot to ponder on… and also for your compliments- I’m becoming a diva! 😉

    Lots of love to you xxx

  87.  #87Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Something surprising is happening. This week, my boss asked me to organise a Christmas happy hour for our branch (we’re 25). He gave me a little budget and a day (next Thursday).

    DjCD was on Facebook chat so I asked him if he had any idea. He is a DJ so he knows a lot of people and a lot of bars owners all around the city. He said I will arrange you something. He called me a few hours later saying that he called the owner of the club where he is mixing once a month. He set everything for me! Food, alchool and we even have a private room just for us!!! Wonderful!!! And the best of the best, he offered me to play… FOR FREE!! Hehe he made a cute joke saying “I’ve never been a personal DJ before”. That kind of mean he is doing it for me, no?

    It’s weird because he just broke up with his girlfriend and he told me clearly that he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship right now. We’ve dated for about 2 years a few years ago, including 9 months of “more serious stuff” and it ended up dramaticaly. And now he’s doing all that… For me? Wondering if he’s really doing it for me?

    This feels very surprising and good to think! 🙂

  88.  #88Mel on December 8, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Sarcastic (LOL) has been periodically texting me… but hasn’t asked me out again. It’s funny… like he wants to maintain a connection but still isn’t ready to do anything about it.

    Or perhaps he senses that I’m not really all that into it? I have tried to be open and respond to his texts in a warm way… but maybe he’s expecting me to chase him again? Well i’m not!!!

  89.  #89Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    And something weird is also happening.

    When I was dating DjCD, I was not specially proud to shoe him up to my friends. Let’s say he does not has the body of a model. He has a little… Overweight… And in that time, I was younger and a little snobish and I could not see myself with a man whou would not be perfect physically…

    But i still enjoyed being with him because life was just fun and always easy. He is a DJ and we were alway’s partying and his friends were fun and life was kind of glamourous at that time for me. Being the DJ’s girlfriend…. Plus we were always having fun and laughing when we were together. An he was nice, and very into me, and doing a lot of things for me always.But I was no ready to totally commit because of his physic… I know, I know…

    And recently we started talking to each other again and talking almost every day even thought if I saw him only twice. But he invited me often but last minute and I couldn’t come.

    And what is weird about it, is that he is gonna meet all my coworkers next Thursday since he is playing at our party… And I don’t feel ashamed to introduce him to them! I even talked about him to some of them all week and I am very excited that my coworkers are gonna see how much fun we have when we are together and how connected we are.

    I thought o the 2 mean girls coworker who will most probably be very judgamental and provably gonna enjoy telling P that they saw me with this not-model man, and I don’t care because they are probably also gonna see how good I feel when I am with him! 🙂

    I guess I grew up a lot since the time I was dating him…

  90.  #90Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 5:10 pm


    “I was not specially proud to SHOE him up to my friends.”

    Of course it’s a typo! I don’t often SHOE up men to my friends. Hahaha

    Computer is still broken, typing from my phone… My thumbs hurt!!

  91.  #91Joy on December 8, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Thank you for the advice. I just get so thrown off when men ask me to call them.

  92.  #92Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    “I guess I grew up a lot since the time I was dating him”

    This makes me think… I guess it’s a good thing. Thank you life to make him still be in my life after all what happen. And good time he is coming back after I grew up that much and now that I am learnin a lot about myself and that I am becoming a siren! Maybe I will be more tolerant with the few differences there is between us?

    Awwww DjCD 🙂 Hope he will call me tomorrow to drink some vodka. He always wants to feed me and even let me smoke in his house!

  93.  #93Daria on December 8, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    I want to practice agreeing! I have a habit of saying no even when i agree

  94.  #94Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Writting about DjCD and how he is being nice to me made me shift my feeling from sad to smiley!

    I was feeling sad that i had no plans for the weekend and I started thibkibg about him and I smiled. And I took some care of me also and in the mean time, one of my girlfriend invited me to go out tomorrow. I don’t really like her girl friends, but I might go anyway because they are going to a bar where there is always beautiful people. Might find some new CDs there… I need some since mine aren’t stepping up enough and i don’t have access to my dating site profile… Meh… We’ll see!

  95.  #95lk on December 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    @Laughing Goddess 83


    Glad you got fast internet – how fun & helpful : ) i used to not have internet…. it’s kind of like sharing your house with a new person ! a really interesting, knowledgeable, infuriating, contradictory person : )

    for listenings, i like:


    & I don’t have an account, but Spotify is supposed to be fun for sharing music : )

  96.  #96lk on December 8, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    oh, @LG i left you a note above but it’s in moderation because of the links i think : )

  97.  #97Esteemed on December 8, 2011 at 6:11 pm


    RE: #31-32 – Double Like!

  98.  #98lk on December 8, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    i want my own tiny pool cue !

    i want to do the good thing with the loooong writing & headphones & i would want it with headphones also.

    i was in the worst music mood. nothing sounded satisfying, like it would give me a headache. (btw been talking to multiple people who agree fully with me that “bad” dubstep can make you sick, physically & have been trying to warn people to be aware of their dubstep….. i do think you can listen to bad dubstep loudly in your body & take it like a cleansing potion, but you have to be careful around it……those are just my feelings…. but now i’m thinking of crowd control using vibrations…. that shxt’s fxcked up..ANYWAY) so, yes, i do think that, like food cravings, music cravings are very important to be in tune with. my body knows what it wants. i just have to listen : ) oh YEAHHHH i just read that article & posted it here earlier about the heart & getting in the zone…… fxck yeah, i’ve been there……….. that’s amazing………. i was there by the tree at night with the deer, many nights writing, many nights dancing, sometimes driving, sometimes dreaming, sometimes sleeping or waking, oh & sometimes with men ! i nearly forgot… thank you for the reminder…. oh & with women as well……. thank you sirens also : ) ….. sometimes i can go for a long time with it….. days, actually have happened, i think! wow. hmmm…. ok what else… there’s a big one you’re forgetting… or blocking? let me in, lk!….. hmm. well, there is reading also, &… music…. NARNIA ! lol, baby lk has been screaming, NARNIA! at me all day… like….. lk, what the fxck are you talking about…. oh.. now i’m thinking about something… ANIMALS!!! OHHH yeah & math & biology & astronomy & astrology & all that good intricate massive stuff….

    oh & some of those things are “quick&easy” ways to get somewhere, but it feels scary & unlikely to trust those things…. THAT’S IT… lol… good one, lk : ) relax, you don’t know what you want…

    thanks, lk, for every time when playing with those dark things you are so gentle & you do go slow & you do breathe through the feelings & you use the focus objects around you to generate love & you do find that free, calm place where you can just float on the breeze & remain very interested & observant, where your eyes & the breath & the body & the mind buzz & the heart buzz & the gravity of hip bones & feet

  99.  #99Lizka on December 8, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    I’m feeling in peace with myself. Going to bed in this mood. Should sleep well tonight. Good night to all the wonderful sirens! xoxo

  100.  #100free woman on December 8, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    hi all, out there after twenty years finally with man i have always loved but huge custody battle with ex husband on monday who is very bitter as he knew never had my whole heart if i lose do i stay in life i hate kids are ten ,for another 8 years, or do i follow my dream.Feel i have lived a respectability lie for 18 years feel i have come home wherever i am with man i love

  101.  #101lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    goodnight, lizka!

    @FW – thanks for the info !!!!!!!! i feel inspired : )

    @Joy 62

    i feel weird about that sometimes too… what i do is just call them when i want to….. that is, when i feel calm & open & free & easy & still just receiving, just receiving the invitation asking me to call them & saying yes, though i could say no…… & a lot of the time, they will actually call me just as i’m getting ready to call them : ) psychic ties lol

    that actually just happened to me : ) & had a very nice conversation

  102.  #102Esteemed on December 8, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I feel so happy and like I’m coming into my own after talking with and texting with R tonight! He opened up to me as he hasn’t in quite a while! I still have improvements to make in my relational style, but I am getting there.

  103.  #103lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    talking with no agenda — : )

    he said, call me later tonight & tell me what you’ve decided about saturday : )

    i was like, yeah, ok ! smiling … smiling at the invite, not being inauthentic : )))

    didn’t want to call last night…. too soon, too close… needed to breathe…..

    tonight was planning on calling…. had been listening to his music that was curing my musicsickness…. wanted to tell him the painting class was definitely 1 hour long….. he called me up just as i was picking up the phone to call him… nice to chat : ) … & he told me he’d email me directions to where to meet him so he can do the mountain driving part…. & he said really it is best if i sleep there…. i said, well, i’ll pack for worst case scenario but let’s just play it by ear depending on weather &……….. he said, yes, that’s good…..

    so nothing’s really decided. only that yes, i’ll probably come up & no, we don’t know what time yet : )

    i realize i have a trigger when people get confused about what i’m saying, i automatically am like, impatient, like, what’s their problem, that’s lame, they don’t “get” it……… that’s not the best way to see it i don’t think, lk…. it’s better like it is with CDcd, because i know i can explain it to him if i’m patient enough so the communication goes back & forth & i’m learning to heal this impatience… : ) that’s good, baby, like the ocean : )))) rhythm, the give & take ………. wow, just realizing how limiting & massive that block is…. people criticizing my communication & me defensively reacting by just adopting the belief that i’m an alien & i’ll never be able to connect with people — how scary & not true ! lol but parts of me do know that too… : ) yes, lk – you’re a good girl & you can connect & yes, i do love to feel that deep vibe when it’s with the humans or the animals too & you can do that & get in touch… : )

  104.  #104Sweetpea on December 8, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Esteemed @ 96,


  105.  #105lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    OHHH & my mom had said, ohh you should invite CDcd to church ! & to decorate our tree : )))

    i was like, ummmm, maybe…..

    & i actually forgot about it.

    but then, on the phone, CDcd was like, sure, I’ll drive you down in the morning, & if you don’t mind i’d like to go to church with you (awww & cute, he said i should be in the choir & he’d come & watch me, because we talked about me maybe wanting to do that) & i said, oh, sure ! you’ll enjoy it ! & I said, actually you’re already invited, i forgot that my mom asked me to invite you & also to decorate the tree. he said, yes i do want to go to church with you & we’ll see about the tree.

    i like that it felt ok for me to say, let’s see & he said, let’s see too… like we are both careful & gentle….

    & now i’m discounting my dreamlady’s psychic-ness… she is making me feel drawn out & judgmental for all the silliness she makes in her life…. & the little guy thing… that was lame & sad…. but it was ok because i did share with her in feeling messages & next time we chat about my dating, i can say, i feel weird when you say that, i don’t want to hear things that make me doubt people that i know that you’ve not met yet…. : ) lovely, lk : ) oh, & i want to say basically the same thing with neighbor lady, but in the end, it’s my choice how i receive their messages to me. it’s not their responsibility to make me feel good.

  106.  #106lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    I am TERRIFIED of kissing CDcd……. this will be our 6th date………. lol…. & i’m so frxaking turned on & frightened….. ahhhhh the electricity. help.

    i’m going to bring him some food when i go up, because his stove is out. not a big thing. maybe a breakfast burrito or something lol & i could keep it warm. that’s what cold, hungry mountain humans want.

    also, he said after i told him about packing emergency supplies in the car, he stocked his car with all the supplies he thinks he’ll need… yeah, right… lol… dude needs a shovel… an emergency blanket (he misunderstood me & packed a regular blanket, lol !) i’m going to ask my dad to help supply him with a couple things if we end up going over there to decorate the tree : )

  107.  #107lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    he really needs a toaster oven, but that’s his problem

  108.  #108lk on December 8, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    i seriously just had the bxtchiest voice monologuing in my head.. pretty much the projected voice of my mother’s inner thoughts… like… my worst fears or something…. i’m looking in the mirror & it’s, “your face is all messed up. your skin is terrifying.” wow… lol, but only kind of… that is mean, lk !…. & then i start making myself a snack & it goes, “who taught you to do it like that ! who in their right mind prepares ingredients with the drawer open – of course you’re going to spill food in there, you idiot ! ”

    stop, lk ! that’s not nice.

    i’ll tell you something nice : ) i really like the punctuation separated by a space…. like this:

    Oh , lk feels happy : ) lk feels glad : ) lk likes smiling & she likes typing . oh , what am i trying to do here ? ah ! yes ! demonstrating my new – found love for super – spacey , delineated punctuation : )))

    the smileys have to go together, though. otherwise it looks like chins. & also, i wonder if commas shouldn’t be in close… seems more expressive, since commas are really a punctuation mark of inclusion & nearness….

  109.  #109Starla on December 8, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    oh shxt i just changed my hair drastically

    i put a big old chunk of peekaboo pink in it. so i can hide it in a bun if i have to, but mostly it just looks baulous and wild. and then i dyed the whole underhalf black. it’s intense and fabulous. holy shit. drastic change.

    imma go back for MORE pink i think. i just love it.

  110.  #110Starla on December 8, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    i talked to alaska on text and again on the phone…he drops little insecure comments when i don’t reply to his texts fast enough… i told him i felt weird reading it. he asked why and i said it feels distracting when a man concedes defeat unnecessarily.

    he denied doing as much and insisted he isn’t insecure.

    but he is:P

    however, maybe my saying how it feels will inspire him to try something different? i dunno.

    i was really brutally honest in feeling messages and it didn’t send him running.

    i feel proud! yay practice.

  111.  #111Starla on December 8, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    hmm it would feel good to notice things i like about Alaska:
    I like his southern accent. It’s f*ckin sexy.
    I like that he is smart
    I like that he is politically aware
    I like that keeps trying to go out with me even though i usually say i can’t.

    oooh i am liking him more already

  112.  #112Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    lk, I feel so curious about your post to me. I’m guessing it’s suggestions for talks? I looked for it but didn’t find it. Hopefully it will show up soon.

    I completely agree about the dubstep thing. Bad dubstep is painful for me to listen to. I feel so irritable and grouchy when I hear it.

    I feel curious about what dubstep artists you do like.

    Our band used to be acoustic only and we just recently added an electronic component and we have a few dubstep songs. They’re fun, yet I feel a little nervous b/c it can sound bad when its not done right.

    I want to play music that uplift people’s souls and brings a sense of joy and fun that they will never forget.

    yum! I love thinking about that!

  113.  #113lk on December 8, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    oh, amazing – i only have to drive 15 min to meet him !

    & it will be fun i think to be “stuck” in a car with him for a while… : )

    also, random thought, my friend told me that the chemistry changes & tomatoes & tomato SAUCE like vodka or marinara … the cooking changes the pH…. so that makes sense that i don’t want to eat raw tomatoes but i crave tomato sauce : )

    i want to read the book & then stop. why ? because there is nothing at all about it except for itself & then there are the other things that are nothing i want. & then there is actually what i have to do to choose to do it – that is activity spent with no gain & just loss. no gain ? no gain… no gain…. ok, yes, there is that knowledge & everything… i just think i’m done learning that…. i can learn it other ways. that’s the cheap way to meditate on it…. i’m embarrassed to say that i’m talking about smoking cigarettes… but i *can* quit… i just still get curious about what cigarettes ARE & what humans are & what desire is & what satiation is & what addiction is & what fire is & what combustion is & what breathing is & how air moves… all that. see you don’t know yet… but i felt better when reading the book… just not sure

    for some, i think the power comes before the moment, but the opposite for me… hmmmmmmmm errrr & also that but different…. it sounds the opposite of how i mean it, but it also sounds how i mean it & i think they’re both true anyway lol

  114.  #114Butterfly wings on December 8, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    43 Light heart – you know what the best thing would be to do right now? Go find something you love to do and go do it. Take your mind right off him.

    So you could go and take a relaxing bath, read a good book, watch a movie, give your pet a cuddle or even just go and paint your toenails!

    I don’t do enough of that. I sit at my computer and wait for TH to message me online. Not good!

    In saying that, TH has been great the last 24 hours (hey- a girl’s gotta appreciate every little positive!!) and just offered to help me to buy my daughter a laptop for Xmas. I was going to have to rent (and pay 3x more) but he’s offered to help with that too.

    It’s at times like this that I really love that guy!!

    Oh and I had another realization today. I want a guy who adores me – one who wants me around so much that he wants to spend time with me every chance he gets. I want LOADS of attention – day or night!

    I’m imposing these wants on TH, who obviously values his independence more than any other guy I’ve been with. nd I’ve been making it his fault when he doesn’t give me that.

    But it’s how he is! He’s not “wrong”. He’s just doing what he wants to do.

    And instead of me making my pain over this all his fault, I either accept it, I turn my back on it and CD and do things I want, or I walk away from him.

    Why have I been making this so difficult???

  115.  #115lk on December 8, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    this is 2 dates later than the last freak out & i’m still scared about kissing… gahhhh what if he really waits forever ? i’ll spontaneously combust. i want to investigate ! i can’t believe that combust isn’t spelled right. i suppose it might be a mis-derived verb from the noun… forget what that’s called right now… whatever, language is language. neologisms are my snackbark : )

  116.  #116Starla on December 8, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    CF called just to say hello and see how my day was…

    So we don’t have any plans in the near future. As far as I know, our next plans are on Dec 22. Of course he’ll see me sooner than that, he always comes around, but it is hard not to want to control him and control whether and when we see each other next.

    But I’m leaning back.

    I appreciated the phone call for what it was and let go of attachment to outcome about whether he was going to try to make plans for the weekend.

    I feel light. I love my open weekend. The possibilities! Looking forward to getting out and CDing this weekend.

    I love being single. I love that if one guy doesn’t make plans, i can just…go out and do whatever i want with whomever i want.


    loving it.

    it just clicked and i feel really juicy being single. so much life.

    i really look forward to a juicy married life too. but it has to be REALLY GREAT cuz the juiciness of single life is a hard act to follow

  117.  #117lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    @Laughing Goddess

    I recommended ted talks which you can google easily : ) maybe you have already heard of it.

    also, if you google free buddhist audio, i like those sessions if you enjoy buddhism : ) if that doesn’t give you good search results it’s actually www dot free buddhist audio dot com

    also Spotify you can sign in using Facebook & access music & playlists & share with friends… i actually don’t have one because i don’t do Facebook but it sounds really cool !!! i do want a spotify account : )

  118.  #118Starla on December 8, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    look him in the eye and imagine his hand is reaching up the front of your shirt just how you like. don’t make a face, just imagine it, to shift your vibe into receptiveness

    hold it.

    he’ll kiss you after a few of those looks, if not the first one

    be brave.

    i learned this from another siren here…i wish i could remember who to give credit!!

    it’s also perfectly fine to just wait too:)

  119.  #119lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:11 pm


    I kind of tried doing that…. & i like…. vanished from the scene lol… totally stopped being present & just came to myself in like 1 minute……. i’m going to have a heart attack.

    ok, lol, i’ll go to bed & make myself all comfy & practice imagining him kissing me without freaking out & try to gently breathe….

    thanks, starla ! goodnight : ) CF sounds so sweet ! I’m glad you are feeling good. Also, Alaska’s voice sounds soooo sxxxy ! i love when men have interesting voices : )

  120.  #120Starla on December 8, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    thanks goodnight lk, happy slumbering

  121.  #121lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    i don’t want to see sexy CA… he make me feel so tired…. he’s too cute & too young & too……. i don’t know…. like, if i let him, he would step up like nuts, but we’d never be happy because i’m ……. something about it just isn’t right at all.

    & before anyone says it : ) i know about being open & giving chances……. & believe me this guy & i have had the most incredible thing… i’ll tell the story later…. commit it to memory… before i get old… but….

    SOMETHING about all of it together – the kissing & the dancing & the dreaming & the visit & the flu….. so heavy….. so close to my fragility….. & the dragon too…. something about that is actually the biggest part….

    but meeting him was so necessary because of all the things he told me & the choosing & the twice-ordained & jesus & also the dark power &…. i learned about having boundaries

  122.  #122Butterfly wings on December 8, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    Awww Tiffany my heart really goes out to you. While my situation probably wasn’t as bad, I had to make some tough decisions about my business a couple of years ago.

    What you’re going to need to do is look at what you DO have control over. What are your options?? What CAN you do to ease your financial situation?

    Can you borrow the money to get by? Are there other strategies you can try? Is there something you can do on a part time basis to just cover the basics?

    For me (and I think Ella was in a similar situation) it meant getting a job. And OMG did I feel like such a failure! I felt like I was “lowering” myself and that my world had ended!

    I’m still in that job and am being paid extremely well, although my business is my passion and I miss working on it full time. I work on it part time now and one day I will make it, but for now the universe has other plans for me! 🙂

    Whatever you do Tiffany, I’m sure it will work out – just get out there and explore all if your options – change what you’ve done up until this point. xxx

  123.  #123lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    “i’m a centaur for chrxst-sakes – i like to eat rice cakes & listen to classical music …. all they care about is my big dxck, cuz i’m a centaur … i’m lookin’ for true love, not groupies & freaks …. more than a huge cxck, i have a complicated mind … you don’t care about my next like, just my ex-wife & the intimate details of our sxx life … i’m a man, but i’m built like a horse from the waist down”

    : ) thanks : )

    reminds me of making a man feel safe…the dear men…

  124.  #124lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    *not, “my next like, just my ex-wife”

    * “my next life, just my ex-wife”

    lol sleepytime for lk

  125.  #125lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    by the way, lk, i’ll be so mad if you wake up & try to make me clean on my day off. who the eff cares if your home is a little messy. i’m NOT cleaning just for my buddy. & i’m not being weird either about the txmpon thing. this is my life. welcome, everyone else : ) lol & so nice & funny & buzzy to think i’m just a miniature cameo in everyone else’s : ))))))))))) YEAH i’m going to judo chop & shxt in your face lol what the eff lk go to bed

  126.  #126lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    NARNIA omg lk seriously what are you talking about.

    ok… i’m going to ask for dreams about Narnia tonight. I really am unreal curious about it…

    things to do that actually have to be done before buddy comes:

    …. nothing comes to mind yet. you bossy woman.

    1 thing…. oh, well do the dishes… & … OH this is dumb, but it’s serious actually: change up your ipod totally. try to feel what things might sound nice while you’re sleeping & exploring Narnia…. oh, lk…. what the eff is going on here in this life……. no clue

    it’s all chill though

  127.  #127Daria on December 8, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Starla – it reminds me of what Nikita shared

  128.  #128lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    remember to check on the cat from the coffee shop that is a lynx. i wonder what m would say… if i could have a cat in my apartment….. i’d pretty much die of joy : ) it’ll be good to stop for coffee to get the info on the way up to see CD…. that means leave here at 1:20, not 1:40. i’d feel less embarrassed if you were on time, but i know you’ll probably be a few minutes late & i forgive you in advance : )

  129.  #129lk on December 8, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    hi, Daria! goodnight : )))

  130.  #130light heart on December 8, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    Oh, Butterfly Wings, you are so wise.

    What I hear you saying is you are responsible for your own point of view, not anybody else’s, not even someone who you are (or would want to be) very intimate with. He is who he is, doing what he wants to do. If you feel pain over that, it’s your choice, resulting from your point of view, but you don’t have to make him responsible for your pain resulting from your pov. What you want and don’t want is your own responsibility.

    For me, if what he wants and what I want don’t mesh, it might be possible to work things out where both of us don’t have to settle, but it might not.

    I can get so negative some times, I love my negativity, it shows me to have patience with myself and others and not to believe everything I think and not fall into those self-abandoning patterns of pain, guilt, toxic shame.

    So, my heart got real open to him today, where I could feel his distress at my saying things that did not make him feel good, and I stopped making him into a monster. I could feel thankful for him showing me where I was falling down. I’m a big believer in leading by example, so I extended the peace pipe tonight. I felt it was the right thing to do, because he had tried to reach out by bringing up nice memories and I shut him out with bully talk and demands. So, the ball was in my court.

    I don’t feel compromised or self-abandoning doing it, because what I offer to another I am really offering to myself, and that is understanding, empathy, and owning my own mistake, regardless of whether or not he owns his. I told him that he has made me feel so beautiful, creative and smart at times, that it wasn’t nice to bust his b*lls. I had zero expectations for what he should say or even if he should answer. No agenda.

    It melted him, and he sounded happy and relieved. I didn’t say anything about what he did that I didnt like, although he did not own anything, but now I feel we have a clean slate.
    I don’t feel so enamored of him anymore, either.

    At least now, the door is open for more honestly exploring both of us getting our wants and needs met, and if he shows that he doesn’t care about my feelings after all, can’t be up front with me, and we can’t reach agreements, that’s OK, too, because I’m placing him on par with other newer CDs, and I’m growing to want who wants me and who will do what it takes to get me, and not get stuck in the ‘comfort zone’ of toxic patterns.

    I know I did the right thing.


    light heart

  131.  #131bluerose on December 8, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    i took the advice of some of the lovely ladies on here and i wrote out a script of what i would say to a CD who has flaked on a past date.

    this time he said he’d call me back after his phone died and never did. I wanted to tell him that it upset me.

    so today we are supposed to go out. i tell him i’m free after 7. I don’t hear from him until 7:30, when he called and did not leave a message.

    I missed his call and he did not call back.

    at 8:40 i wrote him this: hi CD. I feel sad about the lack of communication we have and how poorly organized our dates have been. We are not a good match. Good bye and take care.

    he wrote back right away and said “hmmm I’ve reached out to you more than you have to me…I called you and you did not answer earlier. I always start the communication yet have you never ever called me first or text me to even arrange a date..”

    so I wrote back this: I agree, you have done more of the work. But what makes me feel good on a date is when the guy takes charge and makes the arrangements. I am happy when my only job is to be pretty. I don’t think this is what we had.

    He wrote back: Understood you want to move on. Uhm you always say I’m busy or I’m with my friends on this or that day. U never commit to a day or time, it’s always you will see. Had? We never even got to that point. I’ve seen you once since I met you.

    So I wrote back (I was composing this while he was blowing up my phone with the paragraph above broken up into tiny quick messages): I’m glad we could discuss this. You are cool, and you’d be a fun friend. But I think we have different expectations about relationships. I need to feel pursued and maybe you need someone who will meet you half way. i hope you find her. Best of luck and I’ll see you around.

    He wrote this: your right I’m not to the guy who will continue to pursue. I’m a very busy guy and have a disciplined mind set. Either your interested in me or not. If you can meet half way. Then it’s a total loss cause I have a very low tolerance when it come to cat and mouse techiques. Close out the year on the high end and have a successful 2012.

    then he sent another sentence that truly made no sense.

    I’m not writing back.

    This was an exercise in expressing how I feel. but i know it could have gone better. he was so upset. as always, any thoughts are welcome.

  132.  #132Butterfly wings on December 8, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    Yay Light heart! I wish I could take my own advice sometimes but I know I’ll get better at this over time.

    I just saw TH leave, probably to go for a drink with the boys. And I started to feel resentful. And then I pulled back and mentally listed all of the reasons why it would be good of he DOESN’T come over tonight.

    For example, this could be TMI but we’re all friends right? 😉 I bought an epilator recently and I really need to get in there and do my legs and other… uh … areas…. And I want to be able to do it while sitting on my couch – not hidden away in my room so he can’t see me sitting in unflattering positions.

    So if he’s out then I’m free to do what I want without feeling embarrassed! Yay me!! 😀

    Mind you, a teeny piece of my heart still aches because he’s not invited me to join him… But I’ll be ok!

  133.  #133Butterfly wings on December 8, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    Here’s my week next week:
    Monday – Charity event till late!
    Tuesday – Movies with TH (?)
    Wednesday – Drinks with ex coworker
    Thursday – Work Xmas party (TH isn’t going)
    Friday – Drinks with my sister
    The following Monday – Dinner with a gf.
    One other night next week – Drinks with D (nice guy but sooo not interested!)

    I’ve just realized why I need to CD! Each one will feel a need that TH can’t or isn’t prepared to fill. Duh!

    Can’t believe I didn’t see that before!

    Also, even though I’m not interested romantically in my other CDs it feels good to know that somebody out there has feelings for me and wants to fill the void that TH hasn’t filled.

    And if TH doesn’t want to have time with me through the day then it’s time I got out there and met someone who did!

    If I had another guy (or several) wanting to catch up for lunch and coffee, the fact that TH doesnt invite me wouldn’t be such an issue right??


  134.  #134Butterfly wings on December 8, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    Oops each one will *fill* a need.

    But if course I need to stop relying on a man to fulfill my needs. Or do I? 😉

  135.  #135Starla on December 8, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    does anyone here know about hair dyeing? I didn’t ask for enough pink and i want to go back tomorrow to get it evened out (have another chunk of pink added in), but will that wash out a bunch of the hair dye we jut put in tonight?

    my poor hair…it’s been flat ironed twice and washed twice in one day.

  136.  #136Starla on December 8, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    BW, What’s with the question mark on Tuesday? If I understand it correctly, then why not edit your Tuesday entry to say “FREE” as a way of unstrapping your vibe and such from him?
    Freeeeee, i like that word.

  137.  #137Starla on December 8, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    BW your question mark caused a powerful reaction in me, i have no idea what that question mark meant for you, but now i’m processing for me and it feels glorious (and has nothing to do with you i promise)

    I hate question marks in my own schedule and hereby omit them from scheduling. It’s either PLANS (with backup plans if it’s a date) or its FREE. None of this “Maybe I’ll have firm plans with this guy i want to pay attention to me so here’s a question mark” stuff.

    Question marks feel awful! ughhh i want to punch question marks.

    But I put them there.

    Ahh it feels so simple! I put the question marks there as placeholders! I’m leaning forward! Overfunctioning.

    Eff that I want to just be. And live my life. And only go by concrete plans or spontaneous encounters that feel good.

  138.  #138Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 11:26 pm


    Your hair sounds so cool. Do you know what kind of dye she used? Temporary or permanent? Did she bleach the one section before adding the pink?

  139.  #139Starla on December 8, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    lg, it’s semi permanent. she bleached it first. do you know if i can go back tomorrow for one more section?

    the hair is cool! but it looks imbalanced. I need to even it out and it’ll look even cooler, but i don’t wnt to wait a few days to be even…

  140.  #140Starla on December 8, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    i have to go to bed, be back in a few hours lol

  141.  #141Laughing Goddess on December 8, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    I”m think so, but I’m definitely not an expert. I’m thinking that she could just foil that section.

    It sounds so fun! I’d love to see pictures.


  142.  #142Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:15 am

    BW @ 129, 130,

    It feels great to me to have guys fulfill needs for me and there are some that they’re better at fulfilling for me. Is there a difference between being self-fulfilled, but allowing a man to fulfill needs for us and feeling unfulfilled to the point that we need them to fill a need for us?

  143.  #143Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:16 am


    Feels great to have you on here regularly again! Glad you’re enjoying your high-speed internet!

  144.  #144Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2011 at 1:10 am

    Thanks Sweetpea! I feel very happy about it. I’ve spent the entire evening watching episodes of the Dog Whisperer online. 🙂

  145.  #145Daria on December 9, 2011 at 1:38 am

    “THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

    :: The Power of Inner Freedom ::

    You live in an abundant universe of endless creative
    possibilities. So the good news is… whatever you
    desire, you can have.

    The *other* news is… You can’t have what you want
    unless you’re free *not* to have it. More precisely:
    you can only have it *to the degree* that you’re
    free not to have it.

    For example, if you want to feel *successful* as a
    parent, get free to *fail* as a parent. Why? Because
    if you’re resisting failure, your mind is focused on
    what you *don’t* want, and whatever you focus on
    becomes your experience. (That’s the Law of

    As soon as you decide that you’re free to fail, you
    stop resisting failure, and that frees your mind to
    focus on creating success.

    The more you feel free to fail, the easier it is
    to succeed… Go figure! 🙂 ”

    ok this is helpful.

    because ok, i want relief

    so it’s OK for my friend to get life in prison then

    feels like weird wave going through me

    its ok because, its ok

    because im not in charge of one or two possibilities

    there are endless


    so i don’t know how things will play out wonderfully for what i want

    but i can just know that they will

    so i can be ok with him getting life in prison

    and then i can more easily manifest that he is free

    it seems almost easy once im not holding on to ‘must have’ what i want the way i see it

    tightness in my jaw


    lost the logic

    remember the relaxign feeling tho

    ok so if i let it be ok with me – ok the voices say im a coward, and something bad will happen

    remember when i spirited so that wayne wouldnt get life in jail?

    and he died

    when i wasnt looking



    its ok tho

    life and death are real close

    and freedom and prison are real close too huh

    aren’t people freer in prison (no. who says. me. hmmm. can i know that is true? yes. do i absolutely know that is true? no. sigh. how do i feel when i hold on to that thought? tight. angry. powerless. judgemental aggressive and blaming. stony. who would i be without that thought? an uncosncious contributor to genocide. is that true? yes. can i abslutely know that is true? no. ok. so… people aren’t freer in prison… who would i be without that thought? i DONO!!! (what if they have spiritual revelations or something? what if they meet the brother of their future wife? waht if they create a way to peacefully heal the desire for people to imprison each other? what if they turn into jesus…. ok)

    do you see a reason to drop the thought people arent’ freer in prison


    (i don’t want to drop it tho. i am holding on to it on my jaw).

    do you see any good feeling reason to hold on to this thought?




    people are freer in prison. what are some ways this is true

    ok, well they don’t have to worry about living up to other’s expectations


    or dress to impress.

    or … well stuff like that. it oculd be a buncha guys having fun together.

    i was freer in prison. how is this true.

    well i connected to the women there

    and played sports and ate well and read

    and i felt comfortable

    and loved.

    i didn’t feel in prison. how was this true?

    well i didn’t feel freee to leave

    i felt my heart reate up everytime there was phone time


    my thinking is freer in prison. how was this true?

    well i made friends with a gypsy girl. and a heroin addict.

    my thinking is not freer in prison. how was this true?

    well i thought within the confines. i didn’t feel safe to leave. hmmm

    love to me

    i want to heal this



    i feel scared to want this

    i want this anyway

    i just want to honor this

    &&&HONORING THIS&&&&


    i am allowing this to heal now

    and i am asking for all teh help i need to heal all of this now

    thank you divine help

    i wonder what this will look like whn its healed?

    i feel tight pinched in places like my spine, my upper arm and my side cheek and upper lip.

    thank you Daria

    i love your feelings

    cough cough

    i love my coughing

    wow daria i am brave

    to heal this big thing for me


    i am ok

    it will be ok 🙂


    arguing voices – no it wont! you are bieng out in the air while horrible things are happening

    if magic worked then people would not be getting into suffering

    love to you

    and magic works

    and suffering is healing

    i am healing all of it

    i am healing hte world

    i am healing my world


    i want to heal this in my first chakra

    i hear the waves

    i feel in the movement

    i feel the tightness in my jaw

    i love the tightness in my jaw


    i love my yawn

    head tilt and pop

    i love my head til and pop

    head tilt and roll

    i love my head tilt and roll

    i feel kinda tight thinking i just wrote this

    i love my tightness

    tightness in my mouth, and in my front of my shoulders

    i love the tightness in my mouth

    i love th tightness in the front of my shoulders

    i love how i can manifest what i want



    who is to say i can’t

    when i am alive?

    i am


    my life

    they can say i can’t

    and i can say

    i don’t believe that

    i choose to can

    and there it is

    my life

    i choose to can

    what if i end up being tortured and feeling horrible. to prove to me that i am powerless, and limited, and that i can’t.

    that i don’t deserve to believe i can

    that it’s not safe to believe i can

    and that’s what i get for choosing to believe that

    huge failure. huge suffering. huge pain.

    huge punishment.

    i am healing the world right now, calmly looking at this stuff


    if i am tortured, like raped with a hot iron stick and then starved to death in a concentration camp,

    will that prove that i can’t have anything i want?

    that my life doesn’t belong to me

    that im not magic

    that im not all powerful

    that im not a goddess.

    will that “get my minds back in my head” ?

    will that get me to get ‘real’

    stop believing idealistic nonsense

    things that won’t work when its time to get dragged on the pavement by a car for a hundred feet and have my legs torn off

    i love me

    i love my traumas and my fears


    i love my scratchy on my vocal cords

    actually i feel tight in my throat

    i love the tightness in my throat

    i love th tingling in my teeth.

    i love the tingling in my hand.

    shrug shoulders

    i know i will just keep believeing

    if i want to

    i choose


    i feel scared

    and shrug shoulders is way of … saying i dont care. covering up my fear

    and i jsut wanan honor that

    and i am gonna allow it to heal now

    im gonna allow the whole world to heal

    all the trauma

    in my body over

    a;; the trauma in my spirit

    in my dna

    i love my dna


    i love my smile

    i love that im alive

    and i love that its ok to be dead too

    if i died, that would be ok.

    i heard i would die before february

    but i dont believe it

    i want to live

    so i will leave


    i want to feel safe

    i feel scared now

    its ok

    i choose

    (no, you really dont)


    i rally do

    everyday shows me that

    more and more

    – yeah, but those are little things

    and they’re consistent and building

    and i allow myself to desire big things now

    and the big things i desired did happen

    – yeah, but it won’t just keep happening for you. if it would happen for you, it would happen for everyone and no one would be suffering

    in order for that, they would have to be practiicng choosing

    are they?

    and they are healing

    they are sould healing with life, and death



    tight mouth

    i lvoe my tight mouth

    i jumpwd away from thinking about this

    and thats ok

    i can think about something else

    i don’t want to do this anymore

    i feel like running away


    i can do that

    and i don’t have to do that

    i can do something

    and i don’t have to do anything

    this is effortless

    i feel tight in my gums

    and i love the tightness in my gums

    i am divine


    one life behind bars is not a tragedy

    when theres a million lives to live

    (squeeze inside)

    i love my squeeze

    one abortion is not a tragedy

    when thers a million lives to live

    one life of excruciating abuse torture and pain is not such a tragedy

    ok that IS kinda bad


    now life in prison seems like abuse and torture and pain too



    lost it

    its is challenging huh


    feell back into the habits

    just like jesu(s. u know when he tried to pray death away..

    and then god was like no. you gotta die so you can show that death is okay and that you can come back.

    and that pain is ok and bearable






    i love my restricted breath

    tight in my tummy

    i love the tightness in my tummy

    tihgt in my cheeks

    i love the tightness in my cheeks

    pinch on my side and my upper arm

    i love the pinch on my side and upper arm

    this is the way to what i want

    it is ok no matter what

    actually the thing that said that he will be comm indictd

    is a sign that its healing, and that im getting what i want

    even though logically it indicates that he lost his court and everyone knows that if he loses court then he gets a high ass sentence and they were wanting to give him life. so thats what he probably got.

    thats what i didnt’ want to write.

    but i DID want to write it.

    so i can say wow daria you are so cool and knowledgeabele about gangster stuff. and like you are really living it. and wow. yeah you are strong and tough to be living this life.

    and i love you

    and everyone is impressed and looking up to me for how warriory i am

    and i want to beat myself up now

    and i wont




    ok i wrote it

    i made it ok to happen

    and now that makes it ok to shift

    i want someone to hold my hand and reassure me and

    i want it to be EASY for me to trust

    and it feels challenging

    and you know what?


    it means nothing (that i don’t want… ie bad)

    i can still get what i want i still choose to get what i want even if i dont believe i will get what i want, even if it feels challenging to trust

    so what if i have these beliefs. they are just past programs

    i am choosing to heal them

    and i am getting what i want anyway

    they are just beliefs like any other beliefs.


    ok so ehtey seem unshakeable

    like yeah, i didnt believe guys would drive to me, and i shifted that and now they do

    that is different than believing somione out of prison

    but its actually not

    cuz one seems smalla nd one seems big

    but theres no such thing

    the one that seems big, i have some voices im unaware of

    that say stuff like (its big, it wont happen)…

    and thats ok

    they are just voices

    they make me feel safe – cuz im COMFORTABLE in that reality

    in that reality where im not in the matrix u know

    that reality where i can’t bend iron bars.

    or get people out of prison

    in that reality im still willing to shift though

    im willing to allow it to be possible

    a part of my being already knows

    that i no longer need to believe that it won’t happen for me to believe people out of prison

    (i needed to bleieve it before to feel safe.. feel safe that im not going insane. that i can ‘handle my feelings. and now i no longer need to believe that in order to be safe)

    and that part of my being

    is willing to inform the rest of me now

    it is now doing so

    my mind body and spirit

    – ok my spirit wants to believe that or else it would feel really confusing and guilty for not helping other people not die in awful ways in the past – and tahts ok, im willing to allow that to heal now

    i no longer NEED to believe that now

    i no longer NEEED to believe that it won’t happen, in order to feel safe in ‘reality’. in order to feel safe in the world and feel stable and feel like i got a good grip on teh way things are and they way i can function

    im ok now

    my mind body and spirit are receiving the information

    (its safe)

    information transfer is now complete

    (whether it happens or not i no longer need to believe it wont happen. which allows it to happen.)

    my body

    felt so sleepy whn im rececing the information

    super sleepy


    thank you Daria

    for noticing

    and feeding me yummy today

    and taking care of ntoicng my feelings in triggered situations… and loving me

  146.  #146Daria on December 9, 2011 at 1:42 am

    “A man doesn’t want a woman fussing over him or constantly trying to make him feel at ease, or show him that she’s “interested” – especially when he’s not sure yet about the relationship.”

  147.  #147Daria on December 9, 2011 at 1:43 am

    “But it’s hard to resist doing all those things, especially when a man has stepped back or has stopped paying as much attention as he used to… for no apparent reason whatsoever.”

  148.  #148Daria on December 9, 2011 at 1:50 am

    “And then the second thing you must do is to hold onto yourself and tap into your own feelings about things. Then EXPRESS those feelings in an open, vulnerable way…without agendas and without compromise.

    He’ll feel different around you – he’ll feel safer and freer and more comfortable. He’ll be compelled to come closer, pull you toward him and pursue you.

    yeah… like i can just straight out tell him i feel really excited thinking of the amazing time when we met and now i feel kinda turned off and all powerless and controlly and kinda shut down and hopeless

  149.  #149Daria on December 9, 2011 at 1:53 am

    ‘i feel kinda desperate to make it ‘ok’ again. and kinda at sea and lost and not very powerful. and also excited about doing that’


    love me

  150.  #150Butterfly Wings on December 9, 2011 at 2:13 am

    133 Starla – Tuesday has a ? because well… I don’t know! He did say we would go and he asked me to choose the movie, so I suppose it’s on.

    138 Sweetpea – Yeah I think you’re right. So yeah. Bring on those guys to fill that huge gaping hole that’s being left by TH! 😛

  151.  #151Daria on December 9, 2011 at 2:17 am

    Maybe he was really homophobic and woulda had a gay son and kiled him or treated him bad. But being in there he connected and realized its all human and so became more accepting

    Like me who gre by learning relating to diff people by coming to cali even tho it felt devastating and took me 20 years to heal with a lot of pain throughout the years

    But now that it’s over would I go back

    No cuz I’m so damn cool now I’m not racist against people that I may not have known better otherwise

    And not only that but I learned how to have love – hello that’s what every woman wants and now I have the potion

    And I know goddessness of mine and I know about free birth

    And trauma less kid raising .

    Oh And energy and magic

    Wow yeah it felt devastating but this stuff is amazing and I would feel devastated to be desperately searching for it

    Or be unconscious and suffering

    Love to me

  152.  #152Butterfly Wings on December 9, 2011 at 2:17 am

    Argh! I just looked at FB and I’m having mixed feelings.

    He’s out with that girl that stayed at his house that time. I KNOW there’s nothing going on there and I know he doesn’t have feelings for her. But it feels so bad that he’s out with another woman!!!

    So I’m feeling upset about that. But then on the other hand, I suppose if he grumbles at me for being out with ex coworker next week, I’ll casually point out that double standards feel bad to me, seeing as he was out with that woman tonight.

    So yeah. I really have to get back into CDing if I’m going to stay sane. And I suppose he will eventually sense my vibe has changed and maybe too late for him he’ll realise he’s losing me to somebody else.

    His loss I suppose… just sad that it has to come to this…. 🙁

  153.  #153Butterfly Wings on December 9, 2011 at 2:20 am

    Oh and I have worked out where all of my issues are coming from too. I’m USED to having a guy who’s there to fulfill all of my needs. I never “needed” to CD as such because I was literally doted on by both of my exes from day 1.

    So here I am with TH and I’m definitely NOT being doted on, and I HATE it, as much as I love him!

    It’s such a frustrating place to be, and getting used to not being the centre of a guy’s world is something I’m struggling with!

    But what I’m learning here is that my experience in the past wasn’t exactly the usual? Or was it? Or was it just that I was unconsciously doing things to keep them attracted???

    Oh I don’t know!!!!

  154.  #154Daria on December 9, 2011 at 2:21 am

    Tiffany – this is an opportunity to heal those feelings of shame and terror and hiding and powerlessness

    Felt so scary and intense for me but am glad cuz I now feel worthy without tying it to money so my spirit is much freer

    still healing Around this in babysteps.

    I’d definitely do the tapping FW has been posting on the chakras and money. No need to believe in tapping, jus an just choose for it to work even if it triggers judgements and ‘that’s not possible’s

  155.  #155Daria on December 9, 2011 at 2:27 am

    I feel judgemental of everyone on the blog for having petty concerns while mine are so big and real

    Of course that’s not true and actually getting a chance to see the sweeping generalizations of me vs then thinking

    This thinking comes up for me around issues of prisons racism equality and govmt and stuff. My mind goes into w vs them or rather us vs them.

    And I feel upset and also I feel good and worthy and comforted to be one of the ‘good’ ones and also to be part of a group.

    And I feel shame of that, I judge myself.

    It’s ok to want to be part of a group.

    Cool to see this, it is healing.

    Not safe to not do this for fear will be rejected from group

    Love my fear!

    Feeling sleepy

    Love my sleept

  156.  #156Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 2:30 am

    RE 128 BW now I believe I understand why you so desparately want TH. It seems you don’t like yourself so much or some parts of yourself and are looking for TH to like it for you. What is that about embarassment? That really triggered me to think that you have been sleeping with this man for what, over a year, and are embarrased about the body part that he visits fairly regularly? Wow. I can even feel my vibe change just typing this because I can feel my own judgements against myself. It is time for the Paint Myself with Love Tool or the Soaping in the Shower Tool.

    129 I felt so turned off reading this next post. Look at how many times you mentioned TH. It seems there is nothing else going on in your life you can’t help but be laser focused on him. Yes I see the plans with other people but I almost sense that you will not be fully there or bring yourself there because you really want to be somewhere else. I encourage you to catch yourself. I would take time to write down my thoughts so I can be clear of how many times my brain spirals towards him and really work on switching that.

    RE 145 No guy will be able to fill that gaping hole inside you. That is unfair and unrealistic to expect another human being to fill your void. You have to take 100% responsibility for yourself otherwise any other relationship you go into will spiral down the same path, unless you change your internal programming. I know this sounds dismal but relationships are only fulfilling when the two people in it are committed to working on fulfill themselves and not looking for their partners to complete them. Right now you sound like you are looking outside yourself for that. I don’t know what else can be said to you for you to hear it.

  157.  #157Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 2:32 am

    BW I am just seeing 148 and it is reeking with co-dependency. That is not healthy

  158.  #158Daria on December 9, 2011 at 2:33 am

    I’ll casually point out that double standards feel bad to me, seeing as he was out with that woman tonight.

    Don’t. Casually pointing out is not authentic.

    You don’t want to justify yourself. If he says something u don’t like, just say that feels bad… And drop it.

    Dropping it – ie silence – ie no closure – ie letting there be space for a man to step forward – ie not trying to make the situation better by doing or saying something new when hes not coming towards – is the essence of feminine energy.

    I intend to practice really not telling my sad what to do even when I feel defensive and upset.

  159.  #159Daria on December 9, 2011 at 2:34 am

    I meant my dad

  160.  #160Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 2:34 am

    RE 147 BW I am sure he can feel your desparate vibe right now as you are so focussed on him. Why are you cyberstalking him? I am sure that just dragged down your energy to the pits. You are so committed to sabotaging yourself.

  161.  #161Daria on December 9, 2011 at 2:41 am

    BW – ypu dont have to feel sad, it always has to come to ‘this’ , that is love for ourselves and inner healing. That is what CDing is about and it’s actually a cause to celebrate, not a step down from a happy place but a step up in bravery for healing and living self rather than using addiction to something.

    It might not look that way in a different perception but with practice it becomes evident what a wonderful way to heal self it is.

    I feel judgemental towards you so I know there is something for me to heal.

  162.  #162Daria on December 9, 2011 at 2:52 am

    I have committed and getting back on the bridge to stopping asking ‘why are you doing this?’ when what I mean is, that feels uncomfortable, I feel icky scared thinking of that being done.

    I know this will shift my communication so much and with my family.

    Live to me for noticing.

    Pinched fear of coming off criticizing others now.

    Feeling judgemental of others using it . Loving me.

    What a huge shift that will be wow

    Babysteps. I live the feeling message I chose and how it doesn’t use ‘you’ but says of that being done

    I feel uncomfortable and doubtful like that’s indirect, that won’t work, indirect is manipulative. I love me.

    Actually I feel excited to see how well it works cuz I’ve had instances of it working well lately.

    I didn’t feel comfortable really embracing if toll recently – realizing now.

    Thought it would sound disconnecte and weird and unengaging

    To say I don’t feel good dating a man who isn’t coming to me – when talking to a man that seems to be like that

    I felt kinda distant like that

    And yet now I can sense the pull and the power of it, not using you even where ‘you’ would fit. Love me.

    I love my uncomfortable feeling and feeling like I’m manipulating and hiding truth by not using you.

    It’s not that and it’s the truth. It felt good and freeing using it with a man a few days ago.

    I felt afraid of feeling lonely if he pulled back, and after I said it I felt powerful and didn’t feel attached .

    Yay me.

  163.  #163Daria on December 9, 2011 at 2:54 am

    I love my judgements.

    You don’t seem very self aware. Where an I not self aware?

    I love my non self awareness.

    I forgive myself

    It totally ok.

    I feel like puking.

    I love my puking feeling.

  164.  #164Butterfly Wings on December 9, 2011 at 3:45 am

    151 FW – No I’m not “embarrassed” as such. More like I just don’t like that part much. Not so much dislike that it affects my life, but enough for me to think “I wish this was different”. Does that make sense?

    And yes, I am DESPERATELY in need of a change of focus!!! I was actually thinking about that tonight and thinking of something (maybe like the stop sign?) that I can use as soon as my thoughts drift toward him. But I don’t want to use a stop sign. Maybe I’ll picture a pretty pink butterfly! 🙂 Yeah! And my pretty butterfly is fluttering over to nice happy thoughts! Yay!

    152 – that made me cry. I’m not sure why. My first thought was “NOOO!” But could I be wrong? cr@p… 🙁

    Maybe I am…. back a year and a half ago, things were so tough for me and I actually “needed” TH to help me escape the hell that was my home life (living with my ex). If it weren’t for TH I would have to sit at home cooped up in my bedroom, hiding from the world.

    Oh how I hated my life back then! 🙁

    So maybe that dependency on him has carried through to now…

    Sigh… lots of healing happening down here tonight… 🙁

  165.  #165Butterfly Wings on December 9, 2011 at 4:42 am

    Hrm… ok I just put up my POF profile again. No pic though. I’m not sure I’m ready to put a pic yet. Maybe after Christmas…

    The last time I had a profile up here I was receiving literally dozens of messages and I felt very overwhelmed…

    Oh and here’s something that stood out for me when I did the test: “Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself.”

    Could it be that I don’t want to just end things with TH because that would feel like failure??? Hmm… something to ponder… I’m not crying anymore.

    Went over to the D@mn you Auto Correct site and laughed for a while. It was exactly what I needed! 🙂

  166.  #166Butterfly Wings on December 9, 2011 at 5:09 am

    TH is messaging me. I feel bored.

    Haha turns out my gf saw him out. She didn’t tell me that. He did…

    I’ve not talked to her tonight. She’ll probably update me tomorrow.

    Meanwhile my POF profile (right down to the message settings stopping 21 year olds from contacting me!) is almost complete. Still no pic. Still scared to do that yet….

  167.  #167Mochaberri on December 9, 2011 at 5:17 am

    Hello Sirens! I’ve been out of the loop for a few days – really busy at work.

    Can anyone re post the FWB feeling speech? KR and I ventured into it last night briefly and due to time constraints we weren’t able to fully discuss but we agreed to re visit the conversation and I sould like to use that speech

  168.  #168Izzy on December 9, 2011 at 5:28 am

    I really like this message from TUT… a note from the Universe

    “Never regret love. No matter how blind, it improved your world view. No matter how foolish, it made you wiser. And no matter how generous, it made you more.

    Hubba, hubba,
    The Universe”

  169.  #169Izzy on December 9, 2011 at 5:54 am

    140: Laughing Goddess

    I love Dog Whisperer! I don’t have a dog, but I’ve seen almost all seasons and read the book. lol I love dogs. I will have one someday. A small one that likes to run so it can go out for a run with me. I love running after the rain.. the air feels so fresh, I can almost taste it with my nostrils. I feel awesome that I can find pleasure in something that I do unconsciously like breathing. Air is all around and it is free. This universe is so generous.

    I love my digressing.

  170.  #170Lili 41 on December 9, 2011 at 6:02 am


    That’s why I hate FB!
    It’s too tempting to go spy on there and then I get triggered on any little unmeaningful thing on there.
    The only reason D is even on FB, is that he noticed I was spending time on there and he was getting worried about it.
    He worries I spend time chatting with other men.
    He wouldn’t have to worry about that if he claimed his prize. 😉

  171.  #171Butterfly Wings on December 9, 2011 at 6:06 am

    OMG Lili, TH accuses me of the exact same thing!

    Thing is, they’re chatting ME up, not the other way around! hehe! 😉

  172.  #172Starla on December 9, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Daria 150
    Petty concerns? that feels so weird to read. Actually I feel completely unsure of the right thing to say here when I’m feeling this way. What’s the difference between our petty concerns and your petty concerns on many day?

    I feel unspecial:( F*ck. I want to be entitled to petty concerns. I’ve spent most of my adult life crusading for justice…I want pink freaking hair damnit. “petty pink” is the shade hahahaha.

    love u

  173.  #173Angela on December 9, 2011 at 6:50 am

    So I’ve discovered Rori’s tools work in lots of areas in life. For example, last week I sold some computer parts and software on ebay as a bundle for several hundred dollars. The guy who bought it kept asking questions for several days after he purchased it. He apologized but he wanted more info on what he had just purchased before he paid because he had several other similar items he was watching. After a couple days of answering his questions, I finally emailed him that he should have asked these questions before he claimed it and that I took it off the market for him; and that I need to know if he’s going to pay or else I’m going to relist it.

    He paid within an hour. Amazing. Thank you, Rori!

  174.  #174Starla on December 9, 2011 at 6:55 am

    wow i feel anxious about my hair. silly starla. it will all work out.

  175.  #175Hopeful on December 9, 2011 at 7:17 am

    A friend told me last night that she got a DWI this spring. She kept drinking for months, but not mixing it with driving. After going through the state required DWI program (like scared straight for drinkers) she decided to stop drinking. She said it was so horrible for her the first months. She was tense every day until she started going to AA. I never knew she had a problem with drinking. I am so happy for her that she is doing well now, but the whole story scares the crap out of me. I am doing worry and fear today. Need to get out of this space.

    I am so worried that my husband will never figure this out. Even though he has stopped drinking during the week. Unless I trigger him with angry, needy drama. Then he drinks on the weeknights again, and displays the empties for me on the kitchen counter.

    I hate this worried fearful space. I need to get out so I don’t trigger him. I am at work today and have been weepy since I left my friend last night. I did sleep fine though. I need to get over the weepiness so I can work, and so I am not weepy tonight (it is the weekend afterall)

    Okay self, repeat after me. I am thankful that he stopped drinking during the week. I do not know if he did this for me or for him, but it is hopeful. This is his problem and he needs to decide how he wants to deal with it. I just need to be loving and supportive of the rest of the things in his life.

    My friend found the strength to pull herself up, but would not have done it if she had not ended a toxic relationship, gotten the DWI, and got inspired to quit during the scared straight program. Will my husband be able to take care of himself? I don’t know. But if he doesn’t I will just have to leave.

    In the meantime, I am thankful that he is only drinking on the weekends, that he cooks for me every night, and that he loves me. I am thankful that he has make changes and has cut back on the criticism and yelling. He is a good person, and he is smart, but he is medicating his pain through alcohol.

    Misery. Yuck. I need to get back to work. I have stuff to do. Thanks for reading this.

  176.  #176elle_emm on December 9, 2011 at 7:29 am

    joy, my ex used to ask me to call him and try to ‘make him feel special’. it made me feel weird and pressured and eventually he became so demanding that i lost and lost my attraction to him.

  177.  #177Mel on December 9, 2011 at 7:36 am


    Mr. Architect is going to meet some of my friends this weekend. There’s a dinner party in the city I used to live in and he was invited (and accepted)! I feel a little nervous. What if it’s awkward? What if they don’t like him? What if he doesn’t like them? What if they embarrass me? My friends and family are really special to me… so it is important that the person I’m with can “fit-in” to my life.

    We may even be staying with or meeting up with his brother (who also lives there) so that’s also a little crazy. It would be the first family member I have been introduced to.

    Eeek! Big weekend!!

    To top it all off, I have to drop off some things at my ex’s place when I’m in town. I haven’t seen him in months, and don’t particularly want to see him at all. That’s the thing that’s causing the most anxiety for me, I think.

  178.  #178Mel on December 9, 2011 at 7:38 am

    Actually, I’m feeling “happy” anxiety about the other stuff. Excitement even!

    It’s the ex thing that has me feeling a bit nauseated… It’ll just be short and sweet. Get it over with. Breathe….

  179.  #179Mel on December 9, 2011 at 7:46 am

    Of course they’ll like him! (He’s great!)
    Of course he’ll like them (They’re great!)
    Of course they’ll embarrass me! (LOL)
    And his brother will absolutely love me…!

    So… it’s all good! 🙂

  180.  #180Lizka on December 9, 2011 at 8:05 am

    129, BW,

    Yay to that! I’m happy that you realise that!! I’m pretty sure it’s the way to go!

    You go girl! Wishing you lot of happiness!!!

  181.  #181Joy on December 9, 2011 at 8:05 am

    @99 lk
    I am not feeling light and breezy right now, so I don’t think I should be calling anyone. But that is great that you got a call right when you were about to call someone….

    @170 elle_emm
    The second time around with my ex I felt like if I didn’t call, the relationship would just end. And maybe, it should have because it did anyway even with me calling. I just can’t believe I haven’t heard from him since a text last Thursday when he recently said he wanted me back in life. I guess actions speak louder than words.

    Reading FW’s and BW’s comments…I have definitely made my ex…I’ll call him man crack (MC)…the focus of my life for the past year and half (we have been on and off). What do you recommend to do to stop making someone the focus?

    Also, BW, FB is a dangerous place. I literally got hysterical looking at MC’s page the first time he disappeared and saw he was in another relationship. I hate that I know her name, what she looks like etc. I even looked at his brother’s FB page and saw comments she had made and figured out they were all together when I had been at home crying about him! When we got back together the second time, I would ask about her. Now, that he seems to have disappeared again, I wonder if he is with her. When really, she isn’t the problem. I so wish I had never looked at his FB page as I didn’t need to know anything about her. And I can never get her posts out of my head.

  182.  #182lk on December 9, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Still woke up saying Narnia. Seriously no clue what that’s about, but when i really think of the story of the Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe…i get happy & inspired.

    it’s also nice that the “gate” to Narnia is just stepping into an old bureau. that’s inspiring…. like, you think you’re so far from a winter world of magic, but really it’s just in the spare bedroom : )

    also… there something about the winter landscape… my lynx lives there……. ? …………… also total side-note, i discovered last night that the dolphin fetish is so amazingly carved that she can balance on her… forearms? i don’t know what that part of her anatomy is called lol…. it’s amazing. those artists are amazing. i want to write to the shop : ) …………. anyway, yes, so there is the lynx who lives there… but the snow isn’t natural in that story & the Lion is the real king…….. ok…… i am a Leo….. i wonder if that’s related……

    good girl, lk. thanks for thinking about some of it.

  183.  #183Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 8:15 am

    Mel regarding the anxiety around the ex, I would check in with myself to see if I have guilt hidden anywhere.

  184.  #184lk on December 9, 2011 at 8:17 am

    @Joy – good morning! : )

    yeah, & i don’t call if i feel nervous or urgent either. it’s better for me to totally ruin a plan by not calling than to nervously have to expend energy setting it up myself…..

    this 1 CD in particular seems to have a superpsychic vibe where he calls me literally while i have the phone in my hand to call him : ) 1 time i answered it & he said it never even rang ! it didn’t ring on my end lol…. anyway, yes….. it makes men feel safe & it’s easier for me : )

    i feel sad that you say you don’t feel breezy & free… what do you think would make you feel that way ? just curious : )

  185.  #185Joy on December 9, 2011 at 8:18 am

    @153 Daria
    What you wrote really has helped me:
    “Dropping it – ie silence – ie no closure – ie letting there be space for a man to step forward – ie not trying to make the situation better by doing or saying something new when hes not coming towards – is the essence of feminine energy.”

    I used to think you always had to have closure and wonder what I could be DOING to make the situation better or MAKE him step forward. But I realizing that is not feminine and doesn’t work anyway…

  186.  #186Mel on December 9, 2011 at 8:20 am

    No hidden guilt. I deserve to be happy. I am happy. I am enjoying my life again. Yay me! ALL of my friends and family have been commenting on that lately. How proud they are of me and inspired by my resilience, and that they are so pleased to see me happy and enjoying life again.

    I just don’t want to remember all the pain that I went through with him in my life. My body feels that pain all over again whenever I have to interact with him.

  187.  #187Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Yes BW continue exploring until that internal shift happens. What the heck just put up the pic on POF. Anything you feel uncomfortable doing around dating, just do it. That is pushing your comfort zone, streching it and becoming more powerful. That body part you have concerns about, spend time touching it, talking to it and pouring love on it. So that someone else can really learn, through you, how to love and cherish it.

  188.  #188Joy on December 9, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Good morning lk!
    I want to feel breezy and free. I feel so sad and obsessed. I don’t know what would make me feel better right now. I just don’t like feeling this way.

  189.  #189elle_emm on December 9, 2011 at 8:25 am

    yes, daria @ 153, that is an awesome way of explaining leaning back

  190.  #190light heart on December 9, 2011 at 8:29 am

    “A man doesn’t want a woman fussing over him or constantly trying to make him feel at ease, or show him that she’s “interested” – especially when he’s not sure yet about the relationship.”

    Yup. That’s why after my last gesture, which was more for ME, I’m in a brand new space, like at square one again, where I started from way back.

    He texted something a few minutes ago, but I don’t feel moved to answer it because it’s just a statement of where he is going today, and could have been sent to anyone on his contact list.

    I really feel ‘off the hook’ now, especially since I have other dates lined up.

    Unfortunately, there are indications that he’s a double-standard type of guy, and if he feels that I am dating others, he may lose interest, because of his ego.

    Well, that’s perfectly fine, it’s his business, not mine. If he really wants me, he’s gonna have to get some real game now! I’m a challenge and a prize!


    light heart

  191.  #191lk on December 9, 2011 at 8:33 am

    i’ve felt sad & obsessed before too….

    i’m trying to think what *really* helps…… i guess, like the post before this… the only thing that helps is to start loving the deepness of that misery…like, WOW how amazing that i’m so sensitive that I can get go that deep into sadness….. & then try to touch the idea of the happiness that would be that deep : ) & imagine what that would feel like or look like… even if it’s fantasy-land clouds are made of cotton candy type stuff : )

  192.  #192Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 8:48 am

    light heart maybe all guys can be described as double standard guys. Even the good/great guys until they a fully commited in their hearts about their “the one” and that the relationship is what they want. They keep their minds and eyes open looking. Also all guys have egos. When they are convinced that you are the one and they have made their commitments to make you feel good then of course they don’t want any other man in their space. I find that very endearing because that is where love and a woman can be cherished.

  193.  #193light heart on December 9, 2011 at 8:49 am

    It’s kind of ironic, but leaning back, being open, expressing feelings without agenda, being OK with the unknown, giving him the space to step forward, taking care of and celebrating myself and living deeply in all the areas of my life, is also a way of leading…he’s following our lead…even though ‘leading’ is usually associated with masculine energy


    light heart

  194.  #194Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Mel there is a message in there for you. I was listening to Rori and Virginia Feingold again this morning and it seems every time I listen to these interviews I am hearing them for the first time.

    One of her keys was making peace with your past. Try to change your story around it. Take full responsibility and see what was your part in what happened without beating yourself up about it. In both the past and current relationships you are the common denominator. That constriction in your body is an indication that something is not right or going on below the level of your awareness.

  195.  #195lk on December 9, 2011 at 8:52 am

    narnia. lol. ok it’s getting quieter. that’s good for me to have paid some attention to it. narnia narnia narnia. what the eff lk. i’m not a genius. you have to be clearer than that if you’re trying to get me to do something.

  196.  #196lk on December 9, 2011 at 8:55 am

    NARNIA. fxck. i hear you. say something else. i’m getting angry at this.

  197.  #197Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Back leading

  198.  #198lk on December 9, 2011 at 8:56 am

    can someone help me ? does this happen to others ? getting something just a word over & over & over again like a broken record ???

    last night i tried to meditate it was so alarming. within seconds there were full narratives & like…. other people….. what the hxll. i don’t get how other people do it.

  199.  #199light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:02 am

    FW, thank you and that is very sweet. I love men,
    they are like big scooby-doos! Regarding finding things about them, like their egos, endearing…I like something emk said, look at him through the lens of adorable pity instead of incredulous scorn. I do understand what he is going through, there is instability in his life… and through no fault of his own, may not be so available to give to me, and because he feels that I want more than this, it is making him even more hesitant…do you know what I mean?


    light heart

  200.  #200Mochaberri on December 9, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Hello Sirens! I’ve been out of the loop for a few days – really busy at work.

    Can anyone re post the FWB feeling speech? KR and I ventured into the topic briefly of maybe eliminating sex from our relationship last night and due to time constraints we weren’t able to fully discuss but we agreed to re visit the conversation and I would like to use that speech or some variation of it

  201.  #201light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Back to the double-standard thing, though, and what you said, FW, if he’s still not sure it’s the relationship he wants and he is still looking, then it is not fair of him to have a problem with you for dating other men.
    It seems that some men use that as a criteria for deciding if they want a relationship with you. It’s like, you’re damned if you do, you’re damned if you don’t.


    light heart

  202.  #202light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Mochaberri, hi, yes I would like to see that too.
    light heart

  203.  #203lk on December 9, 2011 at 9:08 am

    “feast your eyes upon my nudity – i am beauty & the beast”

    ok…. yeah, i like that song…. what else ?

    just trying to channel this. the dark, the hiding, the furs, the smell, the pines, the opening up into the light the fear the cold the smell of pines, the animals, the animal, tumnus, the missing siblings…

    dw is the older brother. oh, he’s flying in today. i can ask him about it. i’m the little girl lost. he can help…. he’s not the one who gets tricked about the candy… am i the one who gets tricked about the candy? i’m not afraid of the witch. i admire her. she’s beautiful. in the story she’s “bad”…. i cling to the snowy landscape…. i want ocean & sun too… but the snow feels better for survival….. do i need the snow to melt? i’m scared of the lion, who is “good” …. i wonder why…… he’s big. he’s male. he doesn’t feel like me or part of me…. can i be a lion? i don’t want to. feels blxody…. i’m blxeding right now…….. i’m very close the blxod…. i’m a woman…. i’m meaty & juicy…. do i think i’m prey ? woman lions are the hunters….. lioness …. lioness loneliness lol…. ummm…. i have to shower. i’ll come back to this later.

  204.  #204lk on December 9, 2011 at 9:10 am

    OH i can be both the snow queen lynx & the strong family woman lioness – i am the beauty & the beast

    ok… how does that help… i still feel the NARNIA feeling. the urgency. the “you’re ignoring me, lk! i’m trying to tell you something important!” feeling…..

  205.  #205Starla on December 9, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Guess whose neat little invention at work just got called amazing? Guess whose boss just called her BRILLIANT?

    me. meeeeeeeeeeeee.

    i love my brain. it is a good brain.

    I just automated 96% of a manual computer task here at work.

    get it, girl!

  206.  #206light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:18 am


  207.  #207Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 9:19 am

    No light heart. Going on about what is fair in my mind is masculine. As the feminine you want what you want. Whatever that looks like to you, you state that to him and until he presents you with that he knows he is not entitled to you. You have to prove or explain nothing to him. You continue doing what you need to do in your own life until you create that. You are in charge of you. Getting into debates about what you want is suggesting that you do not have power over your own life. He is entitled to grumble about you dating other men and making demands on you. As a human being he is entitled to doing what he chooses. So are you.

  208.  #208light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

    I’m doing some negative self-talk about possibly giving TMI in my phone conversation with LCD last night! who i was married to and the state of our relationship now and some work goals. D’oh! I love my negative self-talk, it alerts me to keep a little more mystery going forward


    light heart

  209.  #209light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Fabulous, FW, good advice, thanks

    I love making adjustments to being more and more feminine!

    It feels so exciting and just right! oooo tingly

    I do feel much more empowered today, even if I leaned forward with him last night, I don’t want to feel like I always have to default into pure passiveness at all times, because sometimes there is doing in not-doing, and not-doing in doing 😉


    light heart

  210.  #210Starla on December 9, 2011 at 9:32 am

    i am processing a major trigger, weeee, i’ll report back.

  211.  #211Susan on December 9, 2011 at 9:45 am

    RE: 69: mali says:

    “@ Ella- 57: I did wonder about this, actually. But, he said outright that he feels it wouldn’t work because I don’t drink.

    I’m sad to hear it, but if that’s how he sees it, I wouldn’t like to just meet up for a laugh and good company… I want to date.

    *sigh* But now, I’m really confused…”

    I don’t drink much – a little, but very little compared to a lot of people I know and I prefer to date men who don’t drink a lot. Sometimes that is hard to find. He took himself out of your ‘rotation of CD’s” and that is probably a good thing. I’m uncomfortable with heavy drinkers that live in my area because they have a tendency to drink and drive and I won’t get in a car if the driver is impaired. Dating a light or non-drinker avoids that whole scenario.

  212.  #212Radiance on December 9, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Help me.

    I feel confused about use of the tools. Sometimes I feel like have a pretty clear understanding of how they work. Other times I don’t.

    I have only purchased the e-book so far and I haven’t read through all of it yet. I plan on continuing to read it and study it.

    And then follow that with other Rori programs.

    In the e-book she addresses female energy and male energy. Got it. And leaning back. Got it. And from reading the blog and all the comments, I really see the strong emphasis on leaning back and FMs.

    Most of the time I understand the value of that. But I am confused about the either/or nature of leaning back. [I guess “either/or'”s really throw me off–I was talking about them a couple of days ago too.]

    Because I read about Siren experiences here of guys wanting the girl to lean forward sometimes. And that is what I have going on with one CD of mine. It seems like he really needs me to lean forward sometimes. He thrives on it. And, to be honest, leaning forward seems to spark a certain high energy creativity and humor about me sometimes. So, for me, 100 percent lean back feels weird (and being new, I can’t say that that is even what the tools advocate).

    So is the idea that we are going to train up our current and future CDs into being more step up men or are we going to release those? And then where do they go? Back to lean-forward girls?

    What are the demographics of step-up men to lean-back girls?… hmm

  213.  #213Radiance on December 9, 2011 at 9:51 am

    205 Starla

    Wow!… Congratulations! I feel happy for you! And I feel happy for me to get to read about your successful invention! I LOVE innovation and innovators!! Takes courage. YAY courage!

  214.  #214Starla on December 9, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Ladies, I leaned forward.

    CF asked me this morning what my plans were tonight when he called to say good morning. not to make plans, just to ask…or maybe to make plans, but since i was busy, he didn’t ask.

    my dinner plans fell through so i texted him and said “my dinner plans fell through till tomorrow, so now i’m actually free free free on this friday night. what do you think?”

    he texted back suggesting he take me to dinner instead.

    i still feel gross, like i shouldn’t have leaned forward at all.

  215.  #215lk on December 9, 2011 at 9:58 am

    OH yes, dw keeps the secrets. i already knew that & now i know what to ask him… can’t wait for my day today. off now to the airport to retrieve my secret-sharer : )))))) wow i’m amazed & feel love for him like cr8zy : )

  216.  #216light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Radiance, those are such relevant concerns, imo.

    For me, the focus has to be on staying with
    my ‘true north’, and using the tools in a way
    that makes sense to me and the particular

    I find that thinking too much about anything
    is a killer.

    Focusing on deepening and creating what I really want, without wondering, assuming, trying to figure out what his point of view is, is, in my opinion, the way to go.

    What I am finding challenging is stating what I want without this man taking everything personally, as a criticism of him doing everything wrong. I think that has to do with me saying what I want and then expecting that he will eventually agree, and in the meantime, accepting whatever, in the hopes that it will change. I can’t do that anymore.

    I have heard so many instances of men ending up
    with lean-forward women. I don’t know how
    fulfilled either one feels in their m/f energies, though. But, whatever works, I guess!

    for me, it is about keeping a vibrant, shining, enthusiastic energy within the relationship going by balancing out the masculine feminine dynamics in the relationship.

    well, I know you will get more very wise comments on this

    best to you

    light heart

  217.  #217lk on December 9, 2011 at 9:59 am

    @Starla 214

    gross ?!

    girl, you just fixed major issues & are a brilliant pink haired rockstar !!!!!!!!

    smile, lady : )

  218.  #218Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Starla beating up yourself is not allowed. All you are allowed to do is notice how you feel.

  219.  #219Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 10:05 am

    BW @ 152,

    Aargh! I don’t know how you do it. I feel relieved that you’ve decided to CD. I know if I kept seeing MM was out with other women, I would be on CDing in a red hot minute.

    I feel tight in my throat thinking of it – I feel mucho compassion toward you. Must be some need for healing for me around this, too. Yay healing!

  220.  #220Radiance on December 9, 2011 at 10:09 am

    216 LH

    Thanks for your insights.

    I know I have a tendency to overthink. I’m not saying you said that. I was going to post that even before your comment.

    Sometimes once I get the “logic” of something things click into place for me. Other times though, if I’m honest with myself, the wisdom comes bodily or in a felt way first and then it clicks overall. But then I guess I waver. And I think I’m wavering right now. Probably because I’m wanting to lean forward.

    Probably too because I realize I have probably confused CD by flipping the switch somewhat suddenly to lean back without a lot of conversation about it. Without any conversation actually.

  221.  #221light heart on December 9, 2011 at 10:09 am

    214 hey Starla,
    I feel like I shouldn’t have leaned forwarded.
    Just make a note of it. Awareness is everything.
    Skip the blame, pass go, stay out of jail (Monopoly reference) I mean, avoid the grossy guilt feeling,
    that keeps us out of the joyful expansion feeling.


    light heart

  222.  #222light heart on December 9, 2011 at 10:16 am

    220 Radiance

    “Probably too because I realize I have probably confused CD by flipping the switch somewhat suddenly to lean back without a lot of conversation about it. Without any conversation actually.”

    Ah you see, I do this all the time, too, it makes me crazy. Being a little too concerned about how he takes things, and believing that everything needs a conversation. JCD has taught me that everything does not need to be talked about and explained levels deep, he says it’s a waste of energy, and I think he is right.

    The only reason I leaned forward last night, was because I had shut and slammed the door, and I felt unappreciative of all the nice things he always does for me, focusing on the negative stuff too much.

    I am focusing on organic letting things unfold beautifully before me and giving up the need to know what’s ahead….it’s not always easy, but it feels wonderful!


    light heart

  223.  #223Radiance on December 9, 2011 at 10:20 am

    222 light heart

    “JCD has taught me that everything does not need to be talked about and explained levels deep, he says it’s a waste of energy, and I think he is right.”

    I’m discovering that too. Guys don’t always like a lot of talk… micro detail… sounds like so much blah, blah, blah…


  224.  #224Starla on December 9, 2011 at 10:20 am

    I did barely lean forward, like “*poke* HI” hehehe. Informing a guy you are now free for the night and asking him what he thinks is not a HUGE sin. But I was pining for him to make plans.

    and he stepped right up with my little poke. At least he dances to lead.

    He is brilliant, like me:)

    but i think it’s important that i get out of the habit of “poking”. It gives me instant gratification but i know it does nothing for the long term for us. It puts him in cozy complacency zone.

    Though he may not be looking for a cozy complacency zone. I have no idea. He basically steps up and steps up more as soon as it’s clear that it won’t send me running for the hills.

    I feel really off balance. Like HE should have made plans with me for the weekend, and now he’s only doing it cuz i said something.

    but he didn’t HAVE to step up.

    I wonder what it would feel like to just appreciate that at the slightest mention of me being free, he jumped all over the opportunity to take me out.

    He’s a shy human like me…maybe he was feeling like he should back off and give me breathing room.

    Maybe he sits at work like me, hoping he’s not pushing me away. haha

  225.  #225light heart on December 9, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Starla, you’re just precious, here have a pink lady apple, from me

    light heart

  226.  #226light heart on December 9, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Radiance, JCD is the (hot!) man that I got into FWB with, and stopped CDing when what I really want is a life partner. I am CDing again. I know I was getting too needy and clingy. Yuck. I love my neediness and clinginess. It shows me how capable I really am to create my own happiness.

    light heart

  227.  #227light heart on December 9, 2011 at 10:29 am

    224. Starla

    You know, I think there are more in just unspoken vibes and energies that we can’t control, let alone, know about that influence what a man does and feels.

    For instance, when some of us constantly think about them, or stalk their FB page, scour the internet to see if they’re on dating sites…they are not seeing or hearing us doing it, but they can feel it.

    So, even if you hadn’t told him you were free, but wanted him to ask you, chances are he would have,
    and it takes restraint to let them come to that place on their own.


    light heart

  228.  #228Radiance on December 9, 2011 at 10:32 am

    224 Starla

    Shy. Exactly!… That plays into the issues I’m trying to sort out.

  229.  #229Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 10:34 am

    So since this opportunity is presenting itself, how would I feel if I knew MM was spending time with other women? OMG. I feel almost nauseous, tight in my throat and chest. I feel bile rising up in my throat.

    I feel protective, angry – then a deep breath and a slight release. I feel betrayed. Betrayed? Yes. Distrusting.

    This is old baggage – really old baggage. The reality is, I don’t mind it that much with MM. Let’s switch to my ex-f – how did I feel when he was spending all that time with his gf? Oh!! Now that feels really tight chest/tight throat. It feels horrible, tears welling in my eyes. I feel helpless, victim. I have no control over it – I feel ashamed. All of our friends know it’s going on. I feel not enough, anger, embarrassed. I feel partially responsible, like I deserve it because I lost interest in him, in housecleaning. I lost respect for him and didn’t want to be with him anymore. But I still feel victim instead of responsible party. Logically, I know I lost interest and really shouldn’t care, but I feel betrayed, angry. Couldn’t he at least date someone prettier, nicer, a better person than me? Then at least I could understand it.

    I feel – superior. I feel like the Queen when the mirror told her there’s someone fairer. Oy! I feel a lot. I feel teary-eyed, hurt, betrayed, like hiding. And I’ve been hiding ever since – until recently I’m starting to find my mojo again. I feel like I lost myself. I did lose my job I loved – because they promoted him to manager, so once we got engaged, one of us had to go.

    Before I left that job, my boss told me I was “larger than life.” I feel like I lost my larger than life part of me. I was ashamed. I just wanted to hide. I lost my mojo. I blamed myself. I must have wanted to die, because I started denying the essence of me – I basically killed myself, my true self off. I lost her. I buried her. I lost my life – as I knew it. I went on living as a shell of my former self.

    And why? I felt stupid for feeling so bad, because the reality is…I never wanted to marry him in the first place. I knew he cheated on his ex-wife, and I felt blame toward myself – “I should have known.”

    Oh. I feel scared of a man cheating – that I’ll lose “my life” again – I’ll lose my spark, my shine, my sizzle. I love my fear. How would it feel to have a man I’m invested in again betray me? It would feel horrible. It feels heart-wrenching thinking of it. I fear losing myself again. I feel angry – but more sad. I feel heart in a vice, but it’s loosening.

    It feels bad. It feels devastating – because it was devastating. Because I allowed it to devastate me. Because I blamed myself. My perfect little life – right down the drain. It doesn’t have to be that way again. I feel strong, a fighter. I won’t lose myself again.

    That feels scary to say – to think of. I love my fear. And that feels…heart tight and light-headed.

    And that feels like lack of oxygen. Breathe.
    And that feels like, deep breath.
    And that feels still light-headed, eyeballs bulging.
    That feels like hot tears in eyes.
    That feels like crying. Deep breath.
    That feels scrunchy mouth and that feels heart tight, deep breath.
    It feels owwy, hurt, pain, knife in heart. Deep breath.
    That feels guilt for taking up so much room on the blog processing this.
    And that feels little smirky smile, heart loosening a little. Deep breath.
    That feels heart loosening a bit.
    And that feels like black light behing my eyes. With a pink border.
    And that feels slightly smiley.
    That feels like heart loosening a bit more.
    And that feels toe tingling. Weird.
    That feels eyebrow raise.
    That feels smiley. And deep breath. And now heart releases.
    Still feels tight in head.
    I feel forgiving of myself. That feels like band around head is loosening. Teeth clenched, jaw set.
    Probably why my head feels tight.
    That feels almost a giggle. And that feels lighter heart – like a heart smile. And then a bigger face smile. deep breath.
    Wow. My heart feels racey still, but it feels excited racey, like for heart healing, bright light shining through cracks, then the cracks closing.
    OMG! I feel teary-eyed again, but with gratitude.
    Thank you heart for healing so much easier than you used to.
    Thank you for being open to healing and for teaching me so much.
    Now I feel love and compassion for me and the naive person I was.
    I feel heart-squeezy in love – like a heart hug.
    that feels cock my head and smile. What an interesting sensation. My heart can hug itself? Or it can hug me? Deep breath.
    I still feel tight in heart and head, but in an anticipatory way – like something – life – just opened up to me some more.
    No more hiding my heart light. Again I will shine. I will no longer hide. And I will appreciate my “larger than life-ness” more for having lost it for a time. I feel excited about that!
    I forgive me. I love me!

  230.  #230Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Some of Carol Allen’s email

    Dear ,
    I’m going to share with you the single most life and love-changing idea to make you successful with ALL men from now on. That includes any man of ANY zodiac sign! This one principle will forever change your dynamics with every man in your life – and make that one special man see you as the woman for him FOREVER.
    Get it – MANeuver?
    What could it possibly be?
    Now, I don’t mean to suggest that men are so sensitive and have such fragile egos that you shouldn’t tell them when they’re about to miss an exit on the freeway – please give men more credit than that! (He’ll be so glad when you save him from a half an hour of needless traffic and back-tracking!)
    I’m talking about something far more damaging and dangerous – and yet something most women “innocently” do, having no idea they’re hurting or demeaning their men, and then wondering why the men in their life always seem to pull away or reject them…
    If you’ve ever engaged in this “innocent” behavior, then you’ve probably scratched your head many times when a man has drifted away from you, or reacted strongly (and NOT in a good way) to something “minor” you said to him.
    And, if you’re like most women, this has caused you to decide that men are just “difficult” or “noncommittal,” or much less interested in relationships than women are.
    Well, I am here to tell you that NONE of the above is true.
    Men are EVERY bit as reasonable and wonderful to deal with as women (in many ways MORE so – that is, if they’re emotionally healthy!) and MOST men would give anything to find a woman to spend their life with, and would happily crawl over broken glass on their eyelids to make their relationship work.
    So, in relationships, the MOST important thing to keep your man coming back for more is the way you make him feel.
    And you’ll only be willing to knock yourself out to make him feel good is if he makes you feel good, too.
    But the irony here is that he’ll only make you feel good (by sticking around, and committing, and being a great partner) if you’re already making him feel good.
    So – if there’s been less “good feelings” of late, then DO NOT wait for him to do anything differently – DO something for him FIRST and then sit back and be AMAZED because (again, if he’s emotionally healthy) he’ll do something good for you pretty much right away.
    It works every time.
    And the best thing you can do to make him feel good?
    You already know it – it’s NEVER MAKE HIM WRONG.
    Which is another way of saying, ALWAYS MAKE HIM RIGHT.

    So let me break down EXACTLY what I mean when I say, “NEVER MAKE HIM WRONG.”
    “Never make him wrong” means sitting back and letting him make his own decisions without rushing in and giving him a “better idea.”
    “Never make him wrong” means STOPPING all fighting with him!
    PLEASE – fighting KILLS goodwill and is totally a waste of your valuable relationship resources…
    “Never make him wrong” means TRUSTING that he’ll do the right thing by you, and letting him.
    It means when he complains to you about something in his life, instead of “making a helpful suggestion,” you reinforce his own confidence by reminding him that you know he can figure it out because he always does.
    It means that when you DO strongly disagree with something he says or decides, you say, “Please help me understand why you feel that way. I see it differently.”
    And then really listen to him, giving his point of view a chance, without pressuring him to see yours.
    And “never make him wrong” means, that even after he’s explained himself, if you still disagree and must let him know, you can tell him that you do, but you also VALIDATE something about his thinking.
    You say something like, “I get why you’d see it that way. I’d see it that way, too, if I were you. But I’m me so I see it differently.”
    The old, “Let’s agree to disagree” approach.
    You see, no one is ever 100% right or 100% wrong.
    Even if he is just 10% right, if he feels you appreciate his 10%, he’ll be much more open to your 90%.
    But best of all – he’ll FEEL GOOD with you – even when there’s disagreement between you.
    And he’ll feel free to be truly himself, because you’ll have shown him that he can tell you what’s really going on with him, he can SHARE his thoughts and feelings with you, and he doesn’t have to stuff half of his process or internal dialog just to SHUT YOU UP. Okay, that was harsh. But ask most men and they’ll confess they’d gladly give ALL OF THEIR MONEY, ALL OF THEIR LOYALTY, and ALL THE DAYS OF THEIR LIFE to a woman who’d be open and respectful to them, no matter what they have to say.
    Yet they find it VERY difficult, even downright IMPOSSIBLE to find such a woman.
    Men are just DREAMING of discovering and holding onto a woman like this.
    When they commit to a woman, it’s because they think she will be that woman for him…
    And they are deeply, deeply disappointed if she is not.
    So be that woman!
    Which means, the next time you want to start a sentence with:
    “But Honey…”
    “I disagree…”
    “You know what you should do…”
    Bite your tongue!
    Don’t try to “enlighten” him. Don’t take advantage of any opportunity to “show him the light” or “preach or teach” to him – even if you think he’ll be so much better off from all of your lecturing.
    Because if you do, he won’t hear the message under what you’re trying to say…
    He won’t hear, “Oh – she’s trying to help me because she cares and loves me. She wants me to do what’s best because she’s so helpful and supportive.”
    He’ll hear, “Oh – she thinks I’m a big dummy and that she knows better all the time. She thinks she has to help me because I can’t figure it out for myself.”
    In other words, all he’ll hear is, “Wow – she thinks I’m lame…”
    And then he’ll FEEL BAD.
    And the more bad he feels, the less he’ll want to be around you.
    This isn’t rocket science… And yet so many of us find it so hard.
    So when you feel that impulse to disagree, fight, or preach and teach, instead – look at his face.
    Think to yourself, “What would make him feel good right about now?”
    And then ask yourself, “How important is my big, fat opinion about this, anyway?”
    “Is it really that big of a deal if I have the better idea? If he makes a mistake is it going to be so terrible? If he doesn’t do something perfectly, is that so bad?
    “If my way is the right way, is that more important than his happiness?…
    …”Than OUR happiness?”
    You get where I’m going with this.
    Make how he feels with you, and how you feel together MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
    Quit trying to be so smart!
    Quit trying to be so strong.
    But most of all, quit making him wrong.
    Put down your defenses and let the man be his own man, already.
    He’ll love you forever for it…
    And if he makes HUGE mistakes that are a complete disaster, then you’ll know he’s the wrong man for you and you’ll have saved yourself lots of time and exhaustion of having to “run the show” by finding out, and you can cut your losses and go.

  231.  #231light heart on December 9, 2011 at 10:41 am

    228: Radiance says:

    224 Starla
    Shy. Exactly!… That plays into the issues I’m trying to sort out.

    Here’s another area where there are choices that can determine two shy people can either reinforce each other’s shyness or gently coax and empower each other to overcome that shyness.


    light heart

  232.  #232femmystique on December 9, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Wow FW

    Thanks for that last post – it makes such good sense, it seems so easy to do, but I feel myself cringing with past memories of doing exactly what Carol Allen advised against.

    However, I am hear to learn and to be open to exploration and change, and I am printing off this one to put in my Rori Folder.

    Yuletide Greetings, Sirens!

  233.  #233Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Daria @ 161,

    I feel giggly thinking of writing this, but I couldn’t agree more. CDing IS empowering. I’m still healing some stuff around this, but I definitely believe that CDing, for all it’s triggering and weirness-feeling at times, serves a purpose. And it’s very good at serving that purpose.

    I still don’t want to date right now (and I feel smiley typing that), but I sure do love CDing in the “traditional” or maybe it’s “non-traditional” sense. It feels healing to me to flirt with guys when MM’s around, to heal the guilt around not being a “good girl” – flirting with men when my date’s right there. How shameful! I feel good being a “bad girl” exploring my siren ways and not “behaving.”

    There’s healing there – of childhood programming. I can’t define it, or put my finger on exactly what it is, but I know it’s healing me. I am dedicated to my healing heart and my oneness with myself, stepping into my self, no longer hiding, letting my light shine again! Whoopee.

    (I still feel a bit light-headed- just a random comment…I’m good at those!) Heehee

  234.  #234Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 10:55 am

    BW @ 164,

    It never ceases to amaze me how open you are to others’ insight. xxx

    I keep sensing something in your posts that I can’t quite put my finger on. Like you feel loathe to let this one go because you thought this one would be forever – can’t bear to have another relationship fail, or maybe you feel like you owe him something – your loyalty, maybe – because he rescued you? Like I said, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but does that resonate for you at all?

    Also, may I suggest you accept that part of you that you wish was different? Slather it with love, as Rori says she does misery. I find that loving my “ugly parts” enables me to start seeing the beauty in them.

  235.  #235Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 10:57 am


    I just read 165. Guess I was a “day late and a dollar short” as the saying goes.

    Love to both of us. Heck – love to all of us!

  236.  #236Daria on December 9, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Starla – re. Petty concerns

    Sorry for the judgemental trigger

    That is not actually reality but rather a frame of mind I habitually get into when I start thinking about the unfairness of the world. I’m noticing I lump others into a huge mass with petty concerns.

    It’s not real. Actually some concerns here are Way not petty and even more important feeling than what I was addressing. like women whose mothers passed away, how to best care for a child…

    I was writing that to actually notice how I forgot/ignore that
    when the ‘the mass of people with petty concerns’ thinking comes over me. It’s not rational.

    It’s a pattern I’m healing.

    It was not meant as a criticism of sharing fun pleasurable stuff, at all. I don’t know that I even believe in petty

  237.  #237Daria on December 9, 2011 at 11:01 am

    I feel a bit dissapointed that didn’t get across in the post. 🙁

    Well I also feel kinda comfortable anyway, and I feel surprised. I musta healed some stuff

  238.  #238light heart on December 9, 2011 at 11:03 am

    I beat myself up when I believe the thought that once they have seen me be needy/clingy/b*tchy, it ruins everything, kind of like, I showed my cards and now it lowers their opinion of me, makes them lose respect. But if I don’t forgive myself and move forward, then how can they? I keep reading, men are very forgiving. I am experiencing that, too.


    light heart

  239.  #239Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:03 am

    I really like this message from TUT… a note from the Universe

    “Never regret love. No matter how blind, it improved your world view. No matter how foolish, it made you wiser. And no matter how generous, it made you more.

    Hubba, hubba,
    The Universe”

    Aww – feeling teary-eyed and compassionate toward myself reading this. I never was very tolerant of myself being foolish for love. I hereby give myself permission to be wantonly foolish – all in the name of love!

  240.  #240Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2011 at 11:08 am

    I feel amused.

    I received that letter from Carol Allen this morning and started reading it. I only got through a few sentences and thought “Wow! This is awesome! I could really use this advice” and then promptly stopped reading.

    avoiding something that I think is would really help me?

    So then, when I saw that FW posted it (thanks FW!) I decided to read the whole thing and wow, it’s so awesome and really applies to me.

    The only time sweetie and I fight is when I make him wrong. To me, he seems like he is being defensive and explain-ey. Yet, I’m starting to get he takes my complaints as making him wrong.

    And just this morning, I gave him direction about how to do something and i felt really bad about it afterwards but didn’t say anything.

    Then, after reading the letter, I decided to apologize.

    I said, “Babe, I’m sorry for telling you how to do that. You know how to do it.”

    and his face lit up and he thanked me and I felt really good.

    I love that we are both growing and evolving

    And I feel more understanding of where he is coming from. He makes being a “good man” a huge priority in his life and when I say things that make it seem like I don’t think he is a good guy, it’s devastating to him.

    And sometimes I think, “well he should be more thick-skinned and shouldn’t take things so personally”

    But mostly I understand. He loves me dearly and I mean so much to him and it’s painful to hear that I think bad things about him.

    and it blocks him from being able to understand that what I really want is for him to understand and get my feelings.

    but I’m not really communicating my feelings clearly. I am communicating that he is doing something wrong.

    And Rori’s suggestion of don’t criticize, suggest, ask the innocent question, etc. has been on my mind lately because I know I have been doing that with him.

    And Carol is basically saying the same thing.

    And I really needed to hear this.

    I’ve also been feeling the need to start actively practicing more tools but I wasn’t sure exactly where to start.

    This seems like a really great place to start.

    Yay, I feel really excited!

    And nervous. If I don’t tell him how to do things, then I am going to have to trust him.


    really scary!

    this is going to be a fun challenge! I feel excited!

  241.  #241Starla on December 9, 2011 at 11:09 am

    fw 230
    i LOVE this

  242.  #242Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2011 at 11:12 am

    And I do trust him as far as fidelity and all that goes.

    but do I trust him to make decisions and take care of us.

    Ummm, not really. I don’t really trust anyone in that way.

    I have always been super independent, a go-getter.

    Other than the physical strength, I can be a better man than most men I know.

    I can start a business. I can make things happen.

    Hell, I am a genius.

    I am amazing.

    How can any man ever take as good of care of me as I can for myself.


    got some things to work on here.

    advice welcome and appreciated

  243.  #243Starla on December 9, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Daria, awwww u so sweet girl, thanks for explaining.

    I don’t believe in petty, either. But relatively so, I guess I do. Like when David refused to listen to me about my friend who killed herself the night before, cuz he wanted to complain about how annoying his boss was. Then he told me it’s not like I grew up with her, so to get over it, essentially. I knew her for 7 years! Longer than him! lol!

    That felt f*ckin petty.

  244.  #244Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Lightheart @ 199,

    LOL! I feel delighted reading about looking at men as big Scooby Doos! Giggle, giggle snort!

    Ruh roh Raggy! (one of my favorite things to say)!
    Maybe I’m just a big, lovable Scooby Doo!

  245.  #245Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2011 at 11:20 am

    I consider myself to be really smart and capable and able to do pretty much anything.

    Sometimes I’m lazy…judgment

    but I feel confident in my intelligence and capability

    and surrendering to a man feels very difficult

    trusting a man to provide for me feels challenging

    I even have a hard time trusting my dad. I think I hurt his feelings the other day, because I was confessing to him that I have this deep fear of being poor and destitute. And it seemed like that kind of hurt his feelings because why would I have that fear when he is around and would do anything to help me if I needed it.

    and it feels interesting to see the correlation between trusting my dad and trusting any man.

    and also, I love my independent, capable nature.

    I seriously feel confident that I can excel at anything I put my mind to and I love that about me.

    And I don’t want to give up my power, yet I can see there is some healing to be done here.

    trust and surrender

    oh g*wd, it feels so scary!

  246.  #246Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Starla @ 224,

    What if what you did was not really a “poke,” but “back leading”?

  247.  #247Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:23 am


    Did you do it with an expected outcome, is that where your “eep” is coming from?

    Sometimes it feels harmful to me to feel so worried about “OMG! I just leaned forward. Bad Sweetpea, BAD!” Just sayin’.

  248.  #248Starla on December 9, 2011 at 11:23 am

    242 laughing goddess, thank you for sharing your thoughts about trusting him to lead for both of you.

    i struggle with this and any man. i’m a serrrrious go getter.

    it would feel good for a man to present me with a plan for starting our life together, before i accept exclusivity. or else we’ll just both be miserable.

  249.  #249Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Is it possible that I could really not suggest, etc?

    How will things get done right?

    I have this story about myself that I have always been bossy. It started young. I was the ‘big sister’. And then I grew up and was the ‘smart one’, and the “manager’,….whatever.

    Can I really trust someone else to make important decisions that affect me?

    This is triggering me in a big way.

    I don’t have all the answers right now….or maybe I do….I feel healing coming


  250.  #250Starla on December 9, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Sweetpea, i’m so glad u have a compy and can post here frequently:)

    it really was backleading, thanks for pointing it ou. i didn’t even have to say “it would feel nice to see you.” hehe. Though i felt tempted…i just was like “hey i’m free tonight..”

    i think i feel the eeep because i am falling in love with him, and feeling invested. and scared i picked a man who cannot lead (even though he leads like a pro 99% of the time).

    old triggers.

    it’s okay. deep breaths.

  251.  #251Starla on December 9, 2011 at 11:33 am

    my coworker doesn’t think i should get more pink. he made a face. he says i have too many colors in his hair and it will look ridiculous.

    i felt discouraged and anxious, and then i decided *fuggit*. I’m only young once and i want pink in my hair. kthanks

  252.  #252Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:34 am

    FW @ 230 –

    Wow! I like this! Thanks!

    Thinking of the possibilities. I don’t see that I “lead” a man much, but this really resonates with me, so maybe I need to be more aware of it. Thanks!

  253.  #253Daria on December 9, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Sweetpea – I feel really shutdown around flirting with other men when my date is there

    Maybe this is big for me to heal fear of being stifled in marriage

    I have thoughts that it’s disrespectful to him – he is the date and should be my king for the night…

    It feels Really uncomfortable to me sometimes

    I assume he will withdraw after that

    Ex. I call men papi, but when I’m with a date I don’t call other men papi even tho I usually do… I feel scared.

    Ong I’m having thoughts that I’d be such a mean slut to do so.

    Lol I love me. I love my judgements

    I feel scared of this!

    I do t even pick up my phone on dates due to ‘respecting them’ this way


    I wonder what rori would say…

    So we flirt with other men in front of date? Lock eyes? Allow sexual connection? Even when date is not negligent?

    I feel scared, I feel sad! Wow! I love my sadness I love my scariness

    I feel tight in my liver


  254.  #254Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:37 am

    LG @ 240,

    I am lmao at this: ““Wow! This is awesome! I could really use this advice” and then promptly stopped reading.

    I think it’s because I see myself reflected right back at me in it. I cannot stop giggling.

  255.  #255Starla on December 9, 2011 at 11:38 am

    *in my hair.

    his hair has nothing to do with anything

  256.  #256Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:40 am

    LG @ 242,

    Would it be too much to ask you to put on your “boy hat” and enlighten me on starting a biz? I started it just fine, (heck, I have 3 websites now) – but the biz part feels bbbllloccckked to me…:(

  257.  #257Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Sweetpea I want to date. I remember myself doing it unconsciously in my younger years not knowing what I was doing. Dating several guys at a time unconsciously. Right now I even have 1 married guy in my rotation. A childhood friend who I recently reconnected with. Good thing is he lives far enough away so I don’t even see him. But he calls very regularly even though I don’t call. He sings to me and uses terms of endearment and because he is a longtime friend I openly share feeling messages and appreciations on the phone with him. I have no fear and no investments. I say thank you for the terms of endearment but that is one thing I don’t reciprocate with. In my mind is practicing being really feminine and I feel so empowered when he tells me how aware I am of myself and my feelings and how much I can make a man really go off into making a fool of himself. He tells me I can make a man feel like he is in love. He helps to remind me of my fear of intimacy so I find it easier to open up to single men when they come towards me. He helps me to realize that men really want to give to us and really want to open up and share themselves fully. Though some may judge my comments here I find interacting with him has helped me really look at myself and really automatically use some of the tools without thinking. We have had two meetups, not actual dates, but I was able in person to notice my fear and shutting down when that came up and also to really realx and enjoy our conversations. It really is easy to just be when I have no investments or expectations and he has really helped me to experience myself in those context. One thing I do is visualize my special someone’s face on him and pretend like they are switched.

  258.  #258Starla on December 9, 2011 at 11:48 am

    “Ex. I call men papi, but when I’m with a date I don’t call other men papi even tho I usually do… I feel scared.”

    I actually stole this from Daria, and now I have the same issue.

  259.  #259Daria on December 9, 2011 at 11:52 am

    I notice in tutoring I often led with no.

    I felt kinda distant, like I was an advanced master.. It felt powerful and it felt kinda cold.

    Even here, I was contemplating giving some advice and even though I wasn’t going to write ‘no, ‘ I was leading with that intent

    I switched my thinking to ‘yes.. ‘ and saw so much there’s already happening great and also it felt smith and feminine and warm

    So warm that I felt scare and judged it as ‘ineffective’. ‘bullshityy’.

    I feel my shoulders tighten up. Superficial and fake

    Tight in my cheeks

    I love me

    I just led w yes w my dad right now editing his email . It felt good.

    I feel scared this feels overwhelming!

    This feels wonderful to heal!

    How many cool new things are coming up for me here:

    Don’t say why qs

    Flirt with men around date

    Lead with yes

    Ongosg wow!

    Btw, remember how it took me so long to be able to hold eye contact with people on the street?

    Well I healed that now!


    Sometimes I still look away, but it’s Doable now, even easy… It’s healed… And babysteps even more

  260.  #260Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Daria @ 253,

    I feel amused by your feeling cringy about this. I don’t flirt with these guys to initiate dates, I simply flirt with them to breathe life into my Siren. I don’t want her to become dormant because I’m with a man.

    I don’t answer my phone out of respect either, when I’m with him, although when we’ve spent a lot of time in a stretch together, I do some light (very light) texting.

    Honestly, I feel cringy about it, too. But it is healing something in me that needs healed. The main message of CDing for me is not putting our emotional, flirty, feeling self on hold because we have a man in our life – not to stifle that part of us. Why else would we CD the ….baker, the candlestick maker? (I have a block to that first one apparently. Who’s that guy)?

    Anyway…this is practicing CDing in what feels like the “real” sense to me. Not stifling myself because I’m on a man’s arm. It hasn’t put him off, he always has a big grin on his face when he sees other guys showing interest in me. He knows I came with him and I’ll be leaving with him. I suppose a man with less confidence wouldn’t deal with it so well, but it feels…authentic to me. I don’t feel disrespectful when I do it. It’s not as if I’m trying to “pick someone up” – just exploring my femininity. While I’m feeling safe and comfortable knowing he’s around somewhere and I’ll be living with him, thanks.

  261.  #261Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 11:58 am

    I meant “leaving,” not “living.” But I do plan to continue CDing when I’m engaged, married, or otherwise with a man. It’s good practice. I don’t feel sexually attracted to the guys, just flirty, juicy and fun.

  262.  #262Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Starla @ 250 –
    Thanks. I feel happy to be a regular on here again!

    I know the feeling. I feel scared myself that I’m getting too emotionally invested in MM – although there’s no fear around his not being a good leader – just the emotional attachment feels scary.

    But then, I haven’t seen him for two weeks and just this morning I was thinking, “hmm. I don’t feel like I’m in love with this guy anymore. I feel sort of distanced. Even though he’s been in touch with me everyday for the last week or so, and that didn’t used to be the case, I just don’t feel the same connection I was when he was basking in my presence daily for a few days.”

    I notice I’m feeling a little anxious around that. It feels weird to think and weird to feel. I feel scared that I’m developing a resistance to intimacy again, a low tolerance. As if I have some sort of attachment disorder or something. Ack!

    Ohhh boy! Seems this healing’s coming hard, fast and intense these days. :s

  263.  #263laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 12:07 pm


    I’m happy to put on my boy hat and share my experience. I’m gonna think about it for a bit as I catch up on some things. When I’m feeling more clear on what I want to say, I’ll be back. 🙂

    Thanks for asking. It feels good to share.

  264.  #264Daria on December 9, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Oh I remember a tool I made up around this when I first met NohCD and the other guy was paying me lots of attention, which is ‘the dancer’ tool

    I am a dancer and everyone is the audience, not just one man.

  265.  #265Daria on December 9, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    When I read I don’t feel sexually attracted to the guys in sweetpeas post I feel judgemental

    I’m like oh she’s shutting down then.

    Sorry sweetpea, this may have nothing to do with you.

    I wonder what this is about for me.

    I def shut down my sexual attraction

    I love me

    I love my feeling judgmental self

  266.  #266Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    FW @ 257,

    This sounds like an amazing experience for you. And… it sounds like the CDing I’m currently doing – practicing on all men, even though I’m not actually going on dates with most them.

    I feel comfortable where I’m at, like Rori says in the post above:
    “And we’re not quite so quick to “label” a “chemical” reaction or an emotional reaction to a man as something “real” or “important.”

    We’re more likely to look for that expanded, joyful feeling as the clue that we’re in the right place with the right person.

    We’re more likely to be able to tell the difference between our old patterns of feelings, our comfort zone – especially if our comfort zone is somewhere in the pain and grief zone, or just the “I’m getting by” zone – and genuine feelings of joy and expansion.”

    I feel joyful and expanded – and concentrating on my biz. I can’t afford to feel fragmented and distracted right now. As I said in a comment above, I don’t feel invested in MM. He’s awesome – an amazing therapist that I feel greatful for. And I’m getting as much therapy as I feel comfortable with right now. I feel quite uncomfortable with parts of it – but it’s the big parts like talking about raising kids, marriage, and true intimacy. I feel at home whether I’m with or without him.

    Whatever feelings of love I felt for him have subsided some -they might revive themselves when I see him tonight, who knows. What I have seen as a pattern with him though, is that each and every interaction is bringing healing for me right now. And that feels priceless. It’s not that I’m opposed to CDing – I’m just doing it the other way right now.

    If I start feeling unsafe, or bad about not dating other guys – like I’m missing out on something, I’ll certainly start again – my dating profiles are still up and I’ve been interacting with guys, practicing- but they fade away without my ever meeting them. And I don’t feel one bit bothered by it.

  267.  #267Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    Daria @ 265,

    No apology necessary. I actually felt smiley reading it.

  268.  #268Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    LG @ 263,

    Awesome! Thank you! I suddenly felt like hiding again after I posted that. But I’m working on healing that right now. I feel happy that my feelings were old stuff and not a real fear.


  269.  #269Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Sweetpea I encourage you to do Margaret Lynch’s tapping on the Money Shadow and others. It might help you recognize where your stuckness is around your business, just a thought……

    When you are with him later I encourage you to really focus on yourself and should you experience any panic or shutdown put your hand on your belly or body part that you might feel the sensation in. I find this helps me to be more present and aware of myself.

  270.  #270Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    RE 249 LG this is reminding me of the tapping on the ruthless inner critic that spoke to me when I failed at doing things perfect. Though I might not get it perfect I can trust myself to take care of me no matter what others decide.

  271.  #271Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    I may be shutting down, I don’t know. I’m open to the possibility.

    Subconscious: Am I shutting down/in denial around other men? Am I wrong for not wanting to date other men when there’s a man in my life who’s stepping up and helping me to heal?

    Do I feel fear of loss or abandonment if I date other guys? Is it wrong to want to avoid casual connection when what I fear is true intimacy? Or is it more healing for me to look the true intimacy squarely in the face, fear and all and heal around it? Would it serve me better to date lots of other guys? Could I even handle more healing than I’m already getting? It feels pretty overwhelming at times, what I’m doing already.

    I don’t feel fear around casual connections, I don’t feel resistance. It just feels…empty. I don’t want to feel emptiness. I feel fulfilled and healing without going on dates.

    I feel resistance around CDing until I’m engaged. It’s not that it feels uncomfortable, I feel like the prize without having lots of other guys taking me out. I feel like the prize just by having guys buzzing around me and basking in my juiciness. Especially the guys who are brave enough to do it in front of a 6’3″ guy who might be a little intimidating and off-putting to them.

    Hmmm….what’s here?

    CDing until I’m engaged has never felt right to me. It makes sense to me – logically. And then it doesn’t. I don’t want a man who has no more respect for himself than that. Would a man have to be less self-confident to be understanding about my dating? MM is – but I don’t see the point. It doesn’t feel healing to me – it doesn’t feel ick, it just feels blah. Boorrrinngg!

    Have I seen an example where actually going on dates with a man has ended in a ring? Or do the Sirens who end up with a ring become exclusive prior to that happening? (My scientific mind at work here). I’ve been trying to find peace around this for a long time.

    It doesn’t feel right to me to date until I’m engaged. I’m going to honor myself in that respect but remain open to the idea of CDing – to the arguments, the evidence, whatever you want to call it.

  272.  #272Starla on December 9, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    wow, sirens, i really feel like a clingy needy girl for how i got plans with CF tonight.

    i feel cheap and let down.

    i’m going to sink into these feelings instead of feeling all swimmy in my head like this. will report back.

  273.  #273light heart on December 9, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Oh Sweetpea, thank you so much for your sharings on CDing, I have the same kinds of misgivings/concerns about it. My sense is that until I am really OK with it, it won’t be effective. I am really stuck on my experience of when guys see you dating other guys, or feel one important guy around you, they run. If I continue to let that belief run me, there is a fear surrounding it, and it won’t work well.
    Oh dear!

    thanks again,


    light heart

  274.  #274Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    FW @ 269,

    I have been doing the tapping exercises – and having amazing breakthroughs. I’ve know for sometime that I have money blocks, I just didn’t know how to heal them. These have been invaluable to me and I thank you again for posting the link. I will continue doing them until the money starts flowing like a river.

    I accept money like a river right now. I accept it as my divine right. Oh yeah! Still feeling some block there. But thanks to you and Margaret Lynch, I feel confident that I’ll get through it.

    Thanks also for the “present and aware” tool, also.

    I get so triggered by the intimacy. It feels good to heal around it, but also frightening, scaaaary. Many times I do feel panic as you suppositioned.

    The healing feels exhilirating though. Absolutely life-feeding and exhilirating! Also, it’s helping to heal the “hiding” feeling. He gives me the space so I don’t feel claustrophobic, but he also doesn’t allow me to hide from it – he coaxes me gently back out (yeah. I don’t feel exactly proud, amused but not proud, I’ve tried avoidance). It’s a good thing.

    Wonderful therapy! Healing, whole emotion therapy. And sinking into my feelings even more is something I feel ready, able and willing to do right now. So I’m sure putting my hand on where I’m feeling the tension will be put to good use this weekend.

    I’m not sure if I feel excitement or fear. Maybe a little of both.

  275.  #275light heart on December 9, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Starla, please be gentle on yourself !
    going with the intention to sink into the feeling
    is all that is needed, and you know all the tools
    to avoid getting in too swimmingly deep
    the degree of punishment on yourself I hear
    in no way fits the ‘crime’, if that is even what you
    want to call it…sounds to me like it was innocent
    on your part, and it worked out perfectly

    thanks for your reports back


    light heart

  276.  #276Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Hugs Starla. If she is a part of you the right man will respond positively to her when he recognizes her and you slather her with love

  277.  #277Mel on December 9, 2011 at 12:57 pm


    I feel a little triggered. Maybe it’s not what you meant, but I took your post to mean that you think perhaps I am not taking any responsibility for the breakdown of my marriage? This makes me feel sad and triggered, because I know that in fact, I probably blame myself too much. I admit my part in things, but at this point, I can honestly say I have no regrets… because I feel like I did all that I possibly could. And I want him to be happy too. Whatever that means for him.

    Perhaps the message in the yucky feelings in seeing him tomorrow are just to remind me that I don’t EVER want to feel that way again. To remind me that taking care of myself is why I feel so much happier today.

    But I don’t feel guilty for being happy or guilty that I am dating a great person, or guilty that I have moved on. He just represents the darkest time in my life and those are emotions that I don’t like to relive.

  278.  #278Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Light heart @ 273,

    I don’t feel fear around what people think of me dating around anymore. I’ve CDd enough to heal around that – I’ve accepted my “inner sl*t.”

    I do agree with you that it’s not as effective if we’re not feeling authentic doing it. I don’t think any of Rori’s rules are as effective if they’re not authentic feeling. I did CD though, even when it didn’t feel comfortable to me. I feel compassion toward your fear of “what will others think.”

    Sometimes practicing the tools in whatever way we can – baby steps – is what brings out the authenticity.

  279.  #279Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Light heart @ 278,

    Sorry, that feels condescending to me. It feels bad to be condescended to and I don’t want to be condescending.

    Thank you for the compliment. It was my pleasure to share.

    Sometimes I feel bad – like I’m persuading other Sirens to disregard Rori’s advice, which we all know is golden. I’m still healing around this CDing stuff. I feel kind of hopeless about ever being ok with it. But that’s my stuff. I don’t want to feel like a bad influence, yet I want to be authentic and speak my truth.

    No hiding!

  280.  #280light heart on December 9, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    Thank you, Sweetpea, for your input and compassion. that is just what I am doing, a balance of feeling the fear and doing it anyway, IF I feel authentic doing it. I feel good about the date I have for Saturday, and am not worried about JCD finding out or anything. I got very good results when I was diligently applying many of the tools, so I already know from experience that the stuff works.


    light heart

  281.  #281light heart on December 9, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    279 Sweetpea

    I love your honesty, please continue with that. It is very helpful.

    That’s all from me for a while gonna be late for work

    love to all this blog is AMAZING


    light heart

  282.  #282Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    RE 377 Maybe I should just drop it Mel but that definitely is not what I meant. It is not even about taking blame. I have embraced that what shows up in my external reality is what I have already created internally. So taking responsibility for me is just recognizing that so I can clearly see my part. I might have to move forward but it is with empowerment and enlightenment. As I also believe our feelings are always right an steering us in the right direction I just thought that those feelings were telling you something about the situation and about yourself. And only in questioning and exploring deeply can we become enlightened. So I now practice always questioning myself because I guess I have become aware of how deeply I have buried things in the past, to the point where I have lost all recollection of events. I have experience where aha moments have come around one issue for years in a row. In other words it seems when I thought I had clarity the universe sent me more. I might be projecting this on you but my intention was to guiding you to choosing awareness for yourself. I felt like I have lived 50 years in unconsciousness so now I feel like it is my purpose to save younger ladies from doing this. Sorry for projecting on you.

  283.  #283Susan on December 9, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    RE: 139: Starla says:

    “lg, it’s semi permanent. she bleached it first. do you know if i can go back tomorrow for one more section?

    the hair is cool! but it looks imbalanced. I need to even it out and it’ll look even cooler, but i don’t wnt to wait a few days to be even…”

    Starla, I used to be a hairdresser by profession. If your hair needed to be bleached and then the pink was added please don’t ask your hairdresser to bleach out a section that has been dyed so soon after dying it. Allow your hair time to recover. Too much chemical processing can make your hair break and fall out in handfuls. I’ve seen it happen.

  284.  #284Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Sweetpea what I have seen from Rori is that these are suggestions that we should try on to see what works for us. I am pretty sure I have seen where she suggested that for some of us cdating might not be comfortable so she encourages us to cdate ourselves and open up to strangers in the market or counter people at Starbucks. Cdating is her best tool for getting women what they want because of the continued success story that she constantly receives but I have not seen her say that there is no other way but to cdate.

  285.  #285Starla on December 9, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    susan, she would be bleaching virgin hair on top to die it pink, so i’m so happy i don’t have to overbleach. my query is if she’ll have to WASH all of my hair, because it was just done yesterday and i don’t want to wash it so soon. i have an appointment to get more pink in tonight.

    What do you think, susan?

  286.  #286Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Also Sweetpea if you are with the man who has offered you want you want and are on your way to that then my understanding is that you can stop dating others if it doesn’t feel right to you.

  287.  #287Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    FW @ 284,

    Aww thank you! I feel unpressured and given the space to be authentic. I feel appreciative and heart-warmed. Yet I’ve gotten to the point where anytime I feel resistance to something I feel compelled to poke at to see if it requires healing.

    Speaking of the 4th chakra tapping, perhaps if I stop striving for perfection on this and allow it to be an oozing, pussing sore – if that’s what it is, it will either heal itself and I’ll stop feeling pressured, or I will see that it’s not a place in need of healing.

    I feel released to leave this spot alone for now and let it develop naturally until I can see whether it needs healing attention or not. That feels relieving.

  288.  #288Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    @ 286,

    Well, he’s definitely talking with me about my feelings and beliefs around marriage and children. He’s not come out and popped the question, though.

    He’s stepping up nicely though and I’m not sure that I’m quite to that step yet. He has seen me pretty panicked over just talking about it. I guess for now, he IS giving me everything I want – and the space to process and adjust to the intimacy of what I ultimately want.

    It feels like it’s heading in the right direction, but I keep thinking that up until the time they ask, it really means nothing, now does it? I don’t know that he’s my happily ever after, but for now I know I’m comfortable with him being my “no b.s., straight-talking, deal with your issues, woman! (but with kid gloves)” therapist.

  289.  #289Starla on December 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    you ladies are so lovely. i feel so appreciative of this blog <3

    i haven't sunk into those feelings i was talking about, but i'm busy at work. as soon as i finish this task i'm gonna go to the bathroom and sinkysinky.

  290.  #290Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    I know I said the Money Shadow was the final video in my four-part mini-series…And I had to share a couple things.

    I made one more heart-to-heart video for you:

    I really struggled with my own business when I first started out. I almost didn’t make it following my heart…I almost didn’t make it following my soul’s purpose. I almost had to go back to corporate America, where I could count on that paycheck…and the plumb benefits. But corporate America left me feeling dead inside.

    Fortunately I had breakthroughs. I did find the end to my fears.

    The “work” – the insights and clearings found in 7 Levels of Wealth Manifestation made the big difference for me.

    I hate to see you struggling.

    I want you to have the succ ess with your own soul’s calling, whatever that is for you.

    Click here for a few more thoughts on the power of tapping and a road map to success…and financial freedom.


    PS A good many of you are asking about the 7 Levels of Wealth Manifestation.

    This heart-to-heart video gives you a few more of the details…and be on the lookout come Monday.

  291.  #291femmystique on December 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm


    You are so full of energy and strength I feel connected to life when I read your posts

    I feel bad about your situation with your ex, and I don’t feel convinced that this is about you or your behaviour.

    It sounds to me like residual stuff that is being resurrected by the fact that you are leaning forward to take his stuff back to him. Please don’t get me wrong, I support you and what you need to do to heal this; I just feel drawn down by the bad vibe around doing his work for him.

    Don’t mean to pry but why to you have to take it back to him? Is it to clear your house and your life of his residual presence, or is it at his request?

    I have been doing major healing after leaving such a horribly abusive relationship I would feel too shamed to relate, and I am not ready to date but I feel connected to my siren sisters that are out there doing work with the tools.

    My take is that the whole involvement with the ex just feel bad and unnecessary, and since you are seeing Architect this may bring up some stuff to deal with, and I support you doing that, but taking the items to the ex just feels forward, masculine and wrong.

    Can you just send the things to the ex by Fedex or mail, or get someone else to do it?

    I support you getting on your horse and letting go or putting him on the back, it feels too much like closure, you don’t need it with him (ex).

  292.  #292Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I tried to post the email about the new Margaret Lynch video Heart to Heart but it keeps going into moderation. So I am encouraging people to go to look for it because it just went up. And there is more to come on Monday.

  293.  #293Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Sweetpea I am wondering if you look expose yourself to online wedding stuff around proposals weddings etc. if it could unearth some things for you to heal. I tried that myself recently.

  294.  #294Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 2:01 pm


    Pardon me for butting in, but yes, yes! What you said, “I have embraced that what shows up in my external reality is what I have already created internally,” resonates with me regarding monetary matters. I have created scarcity and want internally. I want this healed and I’m on my way to healing.

    I took a big step today (for me) and emailed a businesswoman here to see if she will mentor me or at least share some success tips with me. I’ve been drawn to her since I found her site a month or so ago, but have felt so much fear around contacting her. I think it will be a good thing, but I still feel fear of rejection, or even just being ignored. She’s a former psychiatrist and I was feeling unworthy this morning, asking, “why would she want to help you life coach, she’s a psychiatrist?”

    I feel opened up though from doing just a couple days of the tapping work, so I feel excited but still apprehensive about sending it.

    I also just listened to the teleseminar around needing a support system to do our best work and I feel hopeful that this will open some doors for me.

  295.  #295Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 2:01 pm

  296.  #296Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Light heart @ 281,

    Thank you. It feels good to come out of hiding. I keep feeling “head shy” – like I’m expecting to be shot down for being too exuberant. I feel appreciative of that not being the case. I feel like I’m peeking out, sticking a toe in the water and it truly is fine. It feels like relief of bonds from my heart and hands that have been there for many years.

    Thank you, all of you for being supportive of my little girl’s peaking her head out more here lately. It feels great!

  297.  #297Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Congratulations Sweepea. I feel inspired by your courage.

    From InnerBonding

    Life is short… don’t spend another day living in pain and disappointment. Grab a hold of what is truly yours to enjoy. A life without limits…the life you’ve been searching for.

  298.  #298Starla on December 9, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Still haven’t had time to go sinkysinky in my feelings about backleading CF into making plans with me tonight.

    But while I’m in my head, I was thinking…what if I flipped it? Like b*tchy, high maintenance diva flip …


    “I am such hot sh*t with my new hair that a good man SHOULD take me out so I can show myself off”

    “I am such hot sh*t that a good man will of course make plans at even the faintest suggestion from me.”

    “I am such hot sh*t, I can have whatever I want”

    While I’m in my head still, I’d also like to remind the rational part of my brain that CF DID really, really pursue seeing me for the last two weeks. He sits at home waiting for me to finish my stuff up and call him to let him know he can come over and see me. He has done 100% of the leaning forward. I bet he’s relieved that I want to see him, and not sick of him yet.

    I could never be sick of that wonderful man.

  299.  #299Susan on December 9, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    RE: 212: Radiance says:

    Help me.

    I feel confused about use of the tools. Sometimes I feel like have a pretty clear understanding of how they work. Other times I don’t.

    In the e-book she addresses female energy and male energy. Got it. And leaning back.

    I read about Siren experiences here of guys wanting the girl to lean forward sometimes. And that is what I have going on with one CD of mine. It seems like he really needs me to lean forward sometimes. He thrives on it. And, to be honest, leaning forward seems to spark a certain high energy creativity and humor about me sometimes. So, for me, 100 percent lean back feels weird (and being new, I can’t say that that is even what the tools advocate).”

    Radiance, you may possibly be a boy energy girl dating a feminine energy guy. As long as that balances out and you are both happy, there is no problem. Our problems come up with boy energy guys are dating boy energy, over-functioning ladies.

  300.  #300Starla on December 9, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    um ew, i feel weird saying “i could never get sick of that wonderful man.”

    ewwwwwwwwwww i feel gross.

    okay i am having a weird day, yes? hehe

    can’t wait to go siiiiiiiink into these feelings. need time. must. finish. work.

  301.  #301Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 2:34 pm

  302.  #302Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Katherine Woodward Thomas is one of the wisest women I’ve ever
    known. I’m grateful for her brilliant Conscious Uncoupling program

    that helps us navigate the ending of our relationships in ways that
    allow for unconditional love to prevail. This is a powerful process
    for anyone who’s ready to recreate a life of health, happiness and
    –Marci Shimoff, NY Times bestselling author of Love for No
    Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love

    And remember: your beautiful future of life and love won’t begin

    somewhere down the line … it begins NOW, with how you navigate
    the end of your old life and love.

    Step by step, Katherine will guide you there. So, please join her
    as you step forward with awareness. Step forward with love. Step
    forward with purpose… completely… and go all the way home to a
    healed and transformed life and heart.

    She’ll help you walk the path, and you’ll step forward together!

    Find out all the details here.

    With love,

  303.  #303Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    FW – is the Heart to Heart available on the same website?! I feel excited about it!!

    I remember reading where you were exposing yourself to wedding stuff online. I’ve not done so – maybe I will. The funny thing is, I can vividly create a vivid picture of seeing him in a tux at the end of the aisle waiting for me (all I can see is my white skirt and shoes and a tuxedoed arm on mine) and that doesn’t really bother me at all.

    I feel a little shy admitting that. What if I’m WRONG? Heehee – working on healing that, too – so here it is, Siren World.

    What I can’t seem to get a picture of, is day-to-day life with him and his girls. I can even picture him being in the delivery room with me – vividly. Apparently, the fantasy I deal with okay, but the reality eludes me.

    I think I’ll try checking out some wedding dresses and rings. Oh yeah – feels a little twingey just typing that. Uh oh – big twings. Excitement, or fear? Fear of being wrong, or fear of intimacy? Fear of being unrealistic, illogical, maybe? Yep. That’s the ones.

  304.  #304Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    OMG! I found a white dress with red roses sprinkled all over it! Pretty, pretty, sparkly, shiny!! And yes – I feel like there’s an iron band around my head and chest – squeezing, pinching.

    Let’s see what rings do for me? Might be worse…

  305.  #305Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Haaaaa! I found one with pink diamonds surrounding the center white diamond! So pretty and only $7,200!!! (Gasp!)

    Damn I have good taste!

    Rings actually aren’t quite so bad.

    Perhaps I’ll go tell him I’ve been looking at rings and dresses and see if he panics. Muahahahaha!!!

  306.  #306Susan on December 9, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    RE: 285: Starla says:

    “susan, she would be bleaching virgin hair on top to die it pink, so i’m so happy i don’t have to overbleach. my query is if she’ll have to WASH all of my hair, because it was just done yesterday and i don’t want to wash it so soon. i have an appointment to get more pink in tonight.

    What do you think, susan?”

    OH! That’s different! I thought you had some parts dyed dark with a pink ‘pane’. She can bleach a virgin section and pink it, no problem. It’s a messy process. She will have to wash all the hair in the end.

  307.  #307Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    FW @ 296 –

    Awww! I feel misty-eyed!

    Also, I feel like my eyes are bugging out from all of this pressure from the band around my head. I feel foolish for looking at wedding dresses and rings (no offense to you, FW – this isn’t directed at you, just welling up in me right now).

    I feel like I’m going to jinx it by fantasizing about it, by wanting it. I feel like it will be taken away from me if I want it. I feel achy-hearted – I can never have it. I swore it off the day my Mom died – it’s not for me anymore. I can’t change my mind this late in the game.

    OMG! Tears streaming down my face now. It hurts soooo much! Oh, wonderful, healing tears. Wow! This feels intense! Not sure doing this within hours of spending the weekend with MM was smart – I didn’t expect this reaction. Probably I will be more open and vulnerable though – and he’s already shown me he can handle my tears, my vulnerability and the gift of me, the authentic me.

    Whew! I’ll be ok. Healing feels good. Thank you, heart. Thank you FW; Shall certainly explore this more later. It shall be a healing weekend for Ms. Sweetpea!! Yay!

    Sometimes I feel schizophrenic or bipolar or something as fast as I process through this stuff lately. The feelings just flow in and out – sign of opening heart, but feels weird kind of. In a good way.

  308.  #308Starla on December 9, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    thanks susan. yeah we did it yesterday, i’m just concerned that if i have her wash all my hair so soon, it’ll fade the whole dye job.

  309.  #309Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:02 pm


    ” Am I wrong for not wanting to date other men when there’s a man in my life who’s stepping up and helping me to heal? ”

    ack ok, wrong/right questioning… feeling tightened up reading this.

    i don’t want to judge wrong or right. i don’t believe in wrong or right. iw ant to heal this!

    “Is it wrong to want to avoid casual connection when what I fear is true intimacy?”

    omgosh this feels awful ! i feel angry for CDing to be thought of as casual connection! i feel angry remembering a guy who suggested this!


    for me it is deep connection! i get deeper and deeper intimate with the men, even if they’re new. i am practicing opening myself

    i feel furious having it called casual connection. i feel so unseen and misunderstood and

    i feel desperate and squirmy

    i love my desperate and squirmyness

    i feel powerless. sad. i love my powerlessness and sadness…



    Or is it more healing for me to look the true intimacy squarely in the face, fear and all and heal around it?

    feeling sad agian

    i want to be looking intimacy square in the face and i want to feel comfortable knowing im doing that by beign open to men that want to date me

    i feel fear!

    i love my fear



    ‘It just feels…empty. I don’t want to feel emptiness. ‘

    this feels horrible! i dont want to feel empty

    i felt kinda empty after the date with that guy before i left

    i feel a lil empty not hearing from lover CD

    but i don’t always feel empty

    sometimes actually most times i feel awed, blessed, alive, fulfilled, healed

    love to me

    i feel all tight in my chest


    i love me


    i feel a lil sad

    i feel sleepy

    that feels like tightness in my mouth, in my hcest and my thigh

    i love my tightness

    i love the tightness in my chest


    i love my smile

    i love my coughing

    i love my big breath nd sigh

    i love my clsoing eye smile

    i love my yawn prep and giggle

    that felt scary!

    i love my fear

    i want to heal!

    i am allowing healing for me


    thank you

    i feel afraid of triggering or that im leading with no or smoething

    i am healing this for myself

    i have these judgements that triggered me or i would not feel triggered by them

    and i just wanna honor that

    and allow it to heal now

  310.  #310Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    I feel desirable – like a rare gem. The more I open myself up, the more desirable I feel.

    I was going to say, before I got all distracted by shiny things, and healing – that one of the things I really like about being with MM is that I feel like I can be my authentic self. No shows, no holding back, just wonderful, glorious me. And as authentic and as open as I’ve been, he just keeps drawing out more of my authenticity.

    And…not only do I feel like I can be authentically ME around him – I feel I can be that with anyone as long as he’s standing right there beside me. Or somewhere in the room. He’s really authentic himself, and he doesn’t let me skate by on trying to be less. Well – yeah. He let’s me slide a lot, actually. He just drags it out of me when it’s something we’re discussing. I can’t just shrug stuff off, or change the subject – when I’m feeling unsafe being myself, he gets real gentle and understanding and asks me questions that I can’t side-step.

    I have to say, if he’s not my forever after man, I feel hopeful that whoever is will have that same quality. May I never settle for less. It is acutely discomfortable – but it’s like stepping off the scary ledge into a feather mattress.

    And love’s not foolish, right? I want to love like I’ve never been hurt. I want to continue to open up and not feel worried about the consequences, about abandonment, about “what ifs”. -Amen = So be it.

  311.  #311Starla on December 9, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    anyway, no matter, i’m gonna go get more pink tonight because i want it fixed immediately. It might fade it a bit but this is an experiment, it’s all good. I can dye it pink again on my own.

    And the underneath color is almost black – that’s easy to fix up too.

  312.  #312Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    also i feel pist and uncomfortable

    im in the perception that im beign put in the position of pressuring someone else or that my words are bieng taken as a suggestion of waht someone else should do

    and i don’t want that

    i feel pist

    i feel unseen!

    i don;’t want to feel misunderstood

    or feel like im int he pushy teacher position

    no thiank yu

    i feel pist of thinjing of being in that position

    i love my anger


    i feel a lot of tightenupness

    in my chst and my throat


    i love my yawn

    i love my fear

    i feel fear i love my fear


    i feel smily i love my smile

    i feel uncomofortable

    head coecked right disengage

    ilove my head cocked right disengaging

    i feel outta control

    i love my outta controlness feleing

    i feel tight in my chest and mouth

    i love my tightness in my chest and mouth


    i love my yawn

    fear in my belly

    i love the fear in my belly

    tightness in my mouth i love the tightness in my mouth

  313.  #313Susan on December 9, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    RE: 307: Starla says:

    “thanks susan. yeah we did it yesterday, i’m just concerned that if i have her wash all my hair so soon, it’ll fade the whole dye job.”

    She could try to avoid shampoo on the first pink area… or put a bit of conditioner on the dry pink hair before the wash… It’s the shampoo that will do the fading.

  314.  #314Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Daria @ 308,

    I feel mildly bad that I’m the source of your trigger, but awed and inspired “watching” you process through it.

    I don’t feel bad, really at all. I feel good knowing my thoughts are a source of healing for you, tbh. Not that I feel joy at watching your discomfort, but that this is a healing/growing experience for both of us.

    I don’t want to trigger you, but I want to be true to myself. And all of the things I said about CDing are true for me. If they’re you’re truth too, and you don’t want to stop CDing, then I say, more power to you! Go Siren!

    But my truth is that it feels icky to me. And until that part of me is brought up for healing, or is healed so I no longer feel that way, I’m staying my course. I’m open to healing – I just don’t believe – for me – it needs healing. I’m leaving that spot alone to see whether it requires healing for me – or if this is someone else’s path.

    I no longer want to walk another’s path. I want to experience my own healing. And encourage other Sirens in their path – even if it’s not my own.

  315.  #315Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Wow! Pretty sparkly, pretty pink diamonds!

    I’m feeling a little more comfortable around this now. Just can’t leave it alone! (It’s so pretty)!!


  316.  #316Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    i feel angry, like im being slid from the outside into the bully role

    and i feel all powerless and unseend and panicky

    and angry and jealous and lonely and tight in my throat silent

    and stony

    i feel angry!!

    i don’t like this feeliing

    if i felt safe i would look the person in the eye and yell


    no i don’t want this

    i love me

  317.  #317Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    @ 315,

    Go ahead and yell if you will feel better. It feels bad reading your feel slid into the “bully role”. I don’t feel bullied at all.

    That feels a bit like I’m being slid into victim role. Hmmm…no more victim role for me. I lived that for 10 years – it feels healed now.

    Nope. Not feeling bullied here. Sing on, Siren – a beautiful song.

  318.  #318luzydel on December 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I feel at home when I am by myself…

  319.  #319Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:21 pm


    You love you and I feel love for you, too.

    I’m healing being able to agree to disagree. I think it’s pretty much scarred over and pink – healing to a beautiful spot where it will hardly be noticed by me in the future. But when I see the spot, I will be reminded that I’ve grown. And that’s a beautiful thing.

  320.  #320Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    sweetpea i feel angry

    i feel like … uncomfortable. i dno’t want to be responsible for what’s going on with someone else, or be explained to why they’re doing it different than me, it feels weird, like im being put in the authority position with them, and i don’t want that. i dont’ want to be the authority poistion

    and i feel angry !

    i feel like im resisting being controlled.

    i feel judgemental

    i feel mistrustful

    i feel stony

    i also felt good somewhere there

    utnil i got to reading all of these things are true for me

    and im like blah i felt tightened up and agnry


    i feel all lost and confused nd scared

    of being misunderstood and manipulated and slid into looking a certain way (like a pushy authority) in public –

    which feels scary, and helpless and desperated and confusing

    i want to say sorry for judgements and triggering
    nd a part of me doesn’t want to (so that means im feeling stony)

    i love my stony feeling


    wow i feel good that im addressing this here all these stony things i felt afraid to address

    i feel tight in my hand

    i feel tighti nmy throat

    i feel tight in my ankle

    and i love my tightness

    in my hand

    in my throat

    in my ankle


    in my buttcheek

    i love me

    i love the tightness in my lower jaw and my cheeks

  321.  #321Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    voice: “why are you explaining to me why you want do it differently!!! I DONT CARE!!!”

    translation: “this feels weird, i feel triggered and tightened up… this doesn’t feel good to me. i feel disconnected and stony, actually wow i feel angry… and scared. and i feel uncomfortable to talk about it, and i want to to heal…”


    i feel scared to post this, i don’t want to create distance and jdugment

    i love me

    sorry for the jdugements from the voice

  322.  #322Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    i feel tension in my sacrum

    that is my 1st chakra


    i love the tension in my first chakra

    im healing in my first chakra

    im open to healing this
    i am sking for all the help i need to heal this

    yawn! (half yawn)


    adrenaline in my arms chest and upper body

    swaety heands

    i love my sweat i love my adrenaline

    i love my aner

    i love my tight tongue

  323.  #323Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    i feel sad and scared

    i feel judgemental

    i feel afraid i will be blamed for being mean and my anger will be told to be buried

    i feel so ANGRY!!!

    i do /NOT want to be buried

    i do NOT want to hide my anger

    i love my anger!!

    i love my fear

    i love my sadness


    i love my yawn


    i love my 🙂

  324.  #324Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    i must be judging myself, where am i judging myself

  325.  #325Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:31 pm


  326.  #326Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    feeling scared i will be judged for taking up blog space, cuz i read others feeling afraid of that

    and therefore i think that means that of course they will judge others too

    tight in my mouth

    judgemntal of unconscious peopel

    where am i judging myself as uncosncsious

    i love me

    i love my unscousinscousiness

    i REALLY love my cousincousin ness hehehee

  327.  #327Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    i feel defenesive, fluttery, protective of myself with RAGH

    i love my protection of myself, my RAGH i love my flutteryness i love my defensivenss

    i feel disappoineed

    i feel lonely

    i feel sad

    i feel discouraged

    awwe i love my sadness

    i love my discouragement

    i love my anger

  328.  #328Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    i don’;t feel safe! i feel panicked

    i love my not feeling safe

    i love my panic

  329.  #329Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Daria @ 319,

    And I feel bad, like maybe I’m goading you into more. This is my truth though – I don’t feel pressured to CD just because you say I should.

    I feel a little rebellious myself – like I’m rebelling against Daria because I don’t see things her way.

    The truth is; I look forward to seeing you CD your way to Happily Ever After. I don’t feel like you’re doing anything “wrong”.I’m open to the idea that CDing is the only way to get to Happily Ever After. I think what you’re doing is awesome! I feel completely supportive of you in your journey. I feel happy that you’re experimenting and that even though these feelings are coming up for you, you’re walking through the discomfort and doing it anyway.

    I say, “Brava for Daria. She’s doing great – CDing, enjoying herself with lots of men and a great example to the rest of us.” (I feel hesitant to say that – afraid that it will feel like a trigger being an example, but it feels like a shining example to me of how this is done and I hope that doesn’t trigger you).

    I’m not goading you, though – in my heart of hearts, I know that in the past, I would have just dropped this and let it go. Maybe I am goading though…

    No. This is something that’s not changing for me right now and I want to be able to talk about it freely – to share my journey and get others’ input on it. Even if it’s input that’s not agreeable.

    So, bottom-line is…I welcome your input, even when I don’t agree. You’ve taught me lots – you may show me something about this I haven’t seen before. I’m open to that.

  330.  #330Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    i feel stony

    i feel throat strangled

    i love my stonyness

    i love my throat stranglenesss

  331.  #331laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    I love this!

    Use The “Polarity Processing” & “Squares” Techniques

    By Elizabeth Reninger

    These Polarity Processing techniques are great to use when we notice ourselves being “triggered” – caught up in mental or emotional drama – by the events of our lives. They are ways of “owning” both sides of the polarities that are at the root of our “triggered” response. Once the energy of these polarized states of mind is released, we’re free again to flow within and as the Yin/Yang “dance of opposites” which is the core of Taoist practice. I first learned these Polarity Processing techniques from Leslie Temple-Thurston.

    Difficulty: Easy
    Time Required: 10 – 15 minutes, or longer if you’d like

    Here’s How:

    The time to use this technique is when you’ve been “triggered” – pulled out of your “center” by some event – and are now spinning in mental or emotional reactivity. So the first step is to notice when this has happened.
    Sit down with a couple pieces of paper and a pen, and – for five to ten minutes – write, in a completely uncensored way, about what has just happened: how it makes you feel, the thoughts you’re having about the situation, etc.
    Now go back and underline the words (or short phrases) that seem to be the essence of the situation and your reaction to it. These will probably be words describing emotions, such as: angry, afraid, sad, devastated. They might also be words describing mental states, such as: betrayed, victimized, tyrant, oppressed, abused, confused.
    Next, on a new sheet of paper, copy – in a vertical column down the left-hand side of the page – the words that you’ve underlined.
    Now comes the most important step: For each of the words that you have written, ask yourself the question “what would be the opposite of this” – in this particular situation? Write these “opposites” next to their corresponding words. So now on your page you’ll have two columns of words: one comprised of the words drawn from your first paragraph, and a second which are the opposites of those words.

    continued at


  332.  #332Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    I do believe though, that Rori is open to allowing for differences – that there’s no dogma here. And frankly, sometimes the input I get feels dogmatic, like “this is the only way to do this! Can’t you see?!”

    I feel rebellious about that from my fanatically religious upbringing.

    Aha! Sweet Daria – this is healing for me, too. I feel full of healing today, but I think I need time for some recovery.

    Wow! So much stuff to heal today. I love this blog!

  333.  #333Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    sweetpea – i feel really angry reading the beginning of that

    and like… invisible

    I do not want to be misunderstood

    i don’t want be ‘framed’ as saying you should do something, when that’s not true

    i don’t want to have this not true stuff put in my mouth

    and i do not want to be put or suggested i am into this “telling someone else what they should do” role

    i feel frustrated and totally unheard!

    this is not ok with me universe!

    i feel furious!

  334.  #334Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    LG @ 330 –

    Perfect timing. I want to sit down and do this exercise now – but I have to get ready for my date – have to dry my coat and not enough time.

    Thank you for sharing. I’ll come back to it later. Am copying and pasting so I don’t forget.

    Thank you! Muah!

  335.  #335Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:44 pm


    Okay. If it’s not triggering because I’m not doing things the “right” way, then why so triggering?

    Misperception on my part – I feel bad. You’re right. It’s my perception and not reality. I apologize.

  336.  #336Starla on December 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    “I do not want to be misunderstood

    i don’t want be ‘framed’ as saying you should do something, when that’s not true

    i don’t want to have this not true stuff put in my mouth

    and i do not want to be put or suggested i am into this “telling someone else what they should do” role

    i feel frustrated and totally unheard!”

    I feel REALLY FREAKING BAD when I read words like this. They’re not feelings to me. They’re blaming words. They’re verbs in passive form used as adjectives for feelings.

    Whenever someone comes at me like this, I feel like it’s just a competition of whose feelings matter more, and who is at fault.

    I’m in a triggered mood, my oh my.

  337.  #337Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    I feel so defensive!

    someone is talking shit about me

    they are saying im telling them what they should do,

    and im not!

    thats NOT FAIR!!

    i feel so mad!

    now (strategizing in my head now) everyones going to hear them and assume its true

    theyre going to look at me as someont whos telling that person what they should do

    theyre gonna look at me as a bully

    i feel powerless to stop this

    i feel clingy, controlling, panicked, going stony

    damage control

    what can i do

    maybe i can convince some of them at least that its not true, and then at least ill have a side

    i ll be ok

    illl go super cold and stony and closed off like i know how to do

    and ill fight back and i won’t let them run me over

    i love me

    wow my fight pattern hello i love you

    Sweetpea sorry for judgments of you

    these are way intense triggers for me

    and i still feel mad

    i still see this as someone’s fault and thats ok

    i feel blamy

    i love my blamyness

    i love that im seeing this

    i love that that means im healing it

    yay healing

    this does not feel good

    it feels uncomfortable in my body




    i love me

    i love my adreanline

    my tighteneing and bracing


    i love me

    i love my FEAR

    what i feel is SCARED

    scared they’re not gonna see me and beleive what that person is creating as an image of me

    and tehn condemn me and attack me

    “they” language

    i fele FEAR

    i feel fear and its triggering these thoughts

    i love my fear

    i love my panic

    i love my terror

    i love mmy sadness

  338.  #338Starla on December 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    I do not want to be misunderstood –BY YOU–

    i don’t want be ‘framed’ –BY YOU– as saying you should do something, when that’s not true –WHEN YOU’RE WRONG–

    i don’t want to have this not true stuff put in my mouth –BY YOU–

    and i do not want to be put or suggested –BY YOU– i am into this “telling someone else what they should do” role

    i feel frustrated and totally unheard! –BY YOU–


    I’m not sure how else to phrase these things though? I guess it’s a matter of going deeper, which Daria is really good at getting to eventually (actually almost immediately), but it feels so wickedly awful to read them as she processes.

    i don’t want to feel this way:(

    i want to go in the bathroom and cry.

  339.  #339VW on December 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    I dunno…but the truth is…I feel darn happy to trigger people…:)

    I want to hear them curse and cuss…:) Let that anger out biatchas…

    I say bullshit to being “nice”…I say awesome to truth…even if that includes “nastiness”…:)

  340.  #340Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:51 pm


    I’m going to direct this to you – and I’m going to do it as gently as possible. As far as I’m concerned, this trigger is yours. I feel blamed for it, and it’s not mine. I don’t accept it.

    I feel compassion for you, but I in no way intimated that you’re a bully, that I feel bullied, or that you’re bullying me. This is your stuff and I refuse to take responsibility for anything other than typing the words that set off the trigger.

    Love you, Siren, but I don’t want to feel guilty. So I will go on my merry way now and wish healing for you.

  341.  #341Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    Starla – yeah, i hear you

    i apologize everyone for the blamy words

    im noticing them come up when its intense for me like now im actually writing them first to SEE them before i

    get to shifting to my actual feelings

    my actual feelings were rage, fear, panic, helplessness

    and i love them

    and i love me

    and i feel scared now too

    and i love my fear



    ‘i actually don’t give a fuchk if yu are all triggered and i don’t have a single friend left, if that’s what it takes for me to heal’

    ‘i don’t give a fuchk if you eall think im wrong, and dont’ see hoe im being painted out to be something im not, and how that’s unfair’

    ok those are the kinda thoughts i get and they are indications for me that i am feeling stony

    i feel afraid to share this , i dont want to feel attacked

    ok the truth is I AM committed to my healing.

    and i WILL go on doing what im doing, noticing and expressing and healing, regardless of what anyone else does

    but it’s not true that i don’t give a fuchk

    i do gice a fuchk

    actually i feel heartbroken and lonely to feel misunderstood

    and i love me

  342.  #342Starla on December 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    i am feeling really triggered mostly because my friend unfriended me on facebook, said she was sorry and that she loves me, and that i should “come back” when things are left insane, but DIDN’T unfriend any of our mutual friends, INCLUDING CF, whom she met through me.

    And she is a bit scandalous.

    And she refuses to answer me when I ask her why she unfriended me.

    It’s just weird.

    I’m tempted to ask CF if he knows why she unfriended me and not him.

    I’m paranoid that she and him are talking or something…like romantically talking.

    I feel all f8cked up.

    He doesn’t even use fb very much, i don’t think.

    or maybe he does, and he’s just sleazy and hides it.

  343.  #343Starla on December 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    *when things are less insane.

  344.  #344Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Sweetpea – when I read this ” I don’t feel pressured to CD just because you say I should. ”

    i felt really angry and scared

    i felt scared – my trigger – that everyone is going to now think that ‘yes, i did tell you you should’

    [and i did not. tell you you should do anything.

    i don’t even talk in should language, and i KNOW i didn’t use it now.

    AND, i don’t even feel invested in YOUR Cding. I feel invested in MY Cding.

    I rather think you are doing great and you will heal and have what you want any way you go, cuz you’re practicing self awareness.]

    all that braket stuff was ‘explaining’

    pfffttt i feel frustrated

    i def feel urgent

  345.  #345VW on December 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Hmm…it feels bad to hear Daria appologizing for expressing…

    I agree with Daria totally…

    I think that tapping on her 3rd Chakra would help her right now…she appears to want to become invisible…:(

    I say…Noooooo Daria…..:) Love u opinions…darn it! F*uck it if they don’t like it! That’s their problem! Sirens never convince nobody… Sirens promote free choice …:)

    And of course, Daria is my wonderful amazing self-mirror!

  346.  #346Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Ohhhh, Starla. That really hit my heart to read.

    Lots of stuff coming up for healing today for all of us- must be the phase of the moon or something?

    I have a friend I see on FB all the time who hasn’t talked to me at all since this time last year. I debate with myself unfriending her just because it feels so bad when I see her on there and remember that she’s not responded to a single message I’ve written, or phone call in a year. It pisses me off, actually. I feel very pissed that she’s not woman enough to tell me “f off” or unfriend me herself.

    The only reason I haven’t done it is because it feels like it would be “acting out.”

    Hugs to you.

  347.  #347Daria on December 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    and i feel like running away

    this reminds me a lot of interactions in my family

    i feel sweaty hands

    i feel lean forward

    panicked, defensive, controlling

    i love my panicked defensive controlling feelings

  348.  #348laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    I feel tensed up reading some of Daria’s posts.

    As I was reading them, I kept wanting to ask what she is scared of based on the idea that underneath anger is always fear.

    And then as I read further down, I felt relieved to see her touching on that.

    And I have noticed in the past that she goes through a process and eventually finds healing and I feel appreciative of that.

    And I perceive that her need for significance, which I believe we all have, isn’t being met. And I want to help but feel closed off.

    And now I am talking about her in the third person, which feels weird. (Hi Daria, just working some stuff out here)

    And sometimes I have had the judgment that Daria is very dogmatic about Rori’s tools. And at the same time I feel respectful of her path and hopeful that it will work for her.

    But I have had moments of not feeling that in return.

    which leaves me feeling closed off and not wanting to help or really even engage….except for in a somewhat disconnected way as I am doing here.

    And I feel sad about that because I do love feeling connected to sirens here and I do feel a big love for her.

    At the same time, I feel like running away from the anger part of the process she is going through. I feel like running away.

    and I feel sad about that.

    But also good because I know all things are healing and life only gets better.

    I love me and I love all involved

  349.  #349Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    i feel all sad and misunderstood and tired now

    i feel like im getting smalla nd quiet and apathetic

    i love my smallness and quietness and apathy

    i feel sleepy

    i love my sleepiness

    i feel so disappointed

    i love my disappointmetn

    i know these are babysteps to healing my relationships

    right now im in the midst of feeling crappy

    and i love my crappy feleing

    i don’t even know what i really feel,

    betraued, heartachy, overwhelmed

    tis a blur now

    a bad feeling blur

    i dont want to feel this way

    im willing to feel this way to heal

    i love me 🙂


    i love my feelings

  350.  #350Starla on December 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I’m so tempted to just call CF and tell him, my friend unfriended me and is being secretive about why, but not him…does he have any idea why? etc

    i’m scared he’s sneaking around. i want to know.

    that girl is scandalous. good riddance from my life. i shouldn’t have to wonder things like this.

    though she’s very very cool.

  351.  #351laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    woah, we both wrote about running away at the same time.


    maybe there is something to that

  352.  #352Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    i dont know where i picked up the judgement about myself that im very dogmatic and pushy

    i picked it up somewhere a long time ago

    maybe when i was 3

    and playing with my little cousin

    and you know what

    its not true

    its a judgement

    and i just wnat to honor that


    and i feel tightened up about it, and im willing to heal it now

  353.  #353Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Daria @ 343,

    Aww geez. I didn’t mean to intimate that you had told me to CD – the whole reason I typed that is because I don’t feel pressure by you. I feel questioning of me. I fully support CDing. So why do I feel bad doing it?

    I do. I just do. I feel confused as to why my post set this all off in the first place.

    As I posted before, I don’t want to influence people on here to not CD. Just because it doesn’t feel right for me, doesn’t mean it’s not beneficial. I don’t feel like I was putting it out to my subconscious – all those questions. Thus: the Subconscious: …(pursuant questions).

    And now I’m explaining and debating with myself again.

    I say AGAIN Universe – I feel overwhelmed with what I have on my plate already. I don’t want to poke at this spot to see if it needs healing. I just want to leave it the f**k alone, goddammit!

    I’m not doing this today. I’m sorry Daria if what I said triggered you – if it felt explainy or whatever. I will leave you to process through this without me.

    For the record, Sirens – I do not feel bullied by Daria, or feel “wrong” because of her. Daria, in no way, has anything to do with my feelings around CDing. The feelings are my own and not influenced by anyone but me.

  354.  #354Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    being dogmatic, ‘right’ and detailed and perfect keeps me from getting in trouble and getting beaten or not feeling loved

    i love me

    i just wanna honor that

    for that little girl

    i feel heartbroken

    i feel tight in my butt . i wonder if its from being spanked


    i love little daria

    shes wonderful and free and carefree and open and curious

  355.  #355Starla on December 9, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    I want to do a ‘for the record’ of my own
    for the record, Daria, i heart you. Sorry if anything I said offended you or made you feel attacked.

    time to do the hair thing.

    and you know what, i’m just gonna ask CF. i have a script. i’m sure nothing’s going on. but i will FEEL BETTER if i hear it, instead of stuffing and wondering.

    i’ll let u know how it goes.

    kind of reminds me of mel and architect with match.com

  356.  #356Susan on December 9, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    RE: 331: Sweetpea says:

    “I do believe though, that Rori is open to allowing for differences – that there’s no dogma here. And frankly, sometimes the input I get feels dogmatic, like “this is the only way to do this! Can’t you see?!””

    I hope you don’t mind that I chime in here. I believe Rori is trying to guide us into stopping obsessing over men and over functioning and making them the center of our worlds. CDing is a great way to do that, I agree.

    Yet, I have been in an exclusive relationship for over a year and I am very happy. I do not date other men. I DO talk to other men and flirt and talk to them, even if my man is there. I like it that he sees me as a woman that other men are interested in. And he makes sure he stays close by and makes sure the other guys know I belong to him. I don’t want marriage, so other than possibly living together in the future, I have the relationship I want. It would be silly of me to date other men at this point. But I DO CD myself. I am currently planning a trip to California ALONE. And I am planning fun activities to do when I am there. I used to live there and have lots of friends that are happy I am going to visit.

    I wouldn’t have this great relationship if it were not for Rori’s advice. But I won’t be dating any other men any time soon. If my Sweet Man changes his attitude towards me, that could possibly change, though.

  357.  #357Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    i feel tight in my mouth

    stare eyed

    and kinda sad and blank

    i love my feelings


    yes you’re right, i can be really dogmatic and pushy. and i don’t want to be that way

    i love me.

    i feel ashamed and sad and hopeless and unworthy

    i have the thought theres something wrong with me

    im allowing all this to heal

    wow that was intense




  358.  #358Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    i feel calm

    a lil tight in my mouth and sad mouth and unfocused drifty eyed

    but also inside some bublbing exhilaration and now a smile that im healing

  359.  #359Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    thanks Sweetpea, Starla, LG and VW for caring about my feelings and expressing love for me

  360.  #360Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    i feel good about myself

    and standing up for myself

    in the past, when others said im being dogmatic or pushy etc,

    i would feel bad and agree with them, like yeah it’s my fault, im jsut that way, something is wrong with me

    and i have committed to not doing that anymore

    i will no longer tolerate being put into that role – and am practicing vehemently rejecting that description of me

    even if it means huge intense freakout feelings

    the same way i would reject it if someone called me stupid.

    id say, i feel angry, i don’t want to be called that.

  361.  #361Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    i may believe that i am dogmatic an pushy, and

    its still not true

    even if there were like huge caseloads of ‘evidence’



    and i will no longer accept it

    im pretty sure you see that now


    im willing to feel awful to take care of myself

    and so what if i believe it

    its still not true

    and i will heal it


  362.  #362laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    bouncing off what Susan said in 355

    Cd-ing is Cd-ing whether it’s with one guy exclusively or many guys. It’s still therapy. Believe me, I am cd-ing 24 hours a day by living with this guy.

    okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, as we do sleep.

    and for anyone to consider being in an exclusive relationship is preposterous to me.

    I feel very challenged and triggered by it on a continual basis. and I constantly have to lean back and do the tools.

    And I also think that anyone who thinks that Rori says that you have to wait until someone proposes to stop cd-ing is confused.

    Dating other men is for when you are not happy with the relationship you are in.

    And it’s also about taking responsibility for decisions.

    If things don’t work out with sweetie and I have to start from scratch, I take full responsibility for that.

    I love my decisions. Right now I am being challenged in certain ways, certain ways that may not happen if I didn’t live with him…and I like that.

    and I know I am taking a risk and I take full responsibility for that.

    And I know right now I am sharing more than feelings and I feel good about honoring what I have to say and expressing it.

    I feel pissed about this.
    I love my pissed
    and what do i feel scared of
    I feel scared of being controlled
    i love my fear
    thank you for your service
    yes, thank you
    no one controls me
    I don’t have to respond to other people’s emotions and triggers
    i will not abandon myself in this situation
    I love you LG
    you are doing awesome
    thank you for challenging yourself in new ways
    you are doing great
    you are great
    i love you
    thanks for being you LG
    you radiant, lovely, and brave soul

  363.  #363laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    and for anyone to consider being in an exclusive relationship…doesn’t count as cd-ing or therapy…is preposterous to me.

  364.  #364VW on December 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm


    how would this feel to u?

    “i love being pushy…because darn it I see potential in u…i feel angry when u don’t see what i see…i give advise for a good “frick*ing” reason…i have very good intentions…i feel angry when my good intentions are not appreciated…and valued…”

    warm hugs,

  365.  #365laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    I don’t need anyone else’s approval to believe in me!

    inner bonding

    yes, that feels good

    like a warm hug

  366.  #366dominique on December 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    #164 – I completely disagree that feeling weird about an ex has something to do with unresolved stuff within you regarding him and the former relationship.

    Ant contact with an ex can be loaded. The relationship ended for good reasons, and if it was unpleasant, especially at the end, then to be made to revisit the unpleasant feeling via an ex encounter feel, well, unpleasant.

    I think Mel’s feelings of anxiety are perfectly normal and to be expected. After almost ten years, whenever I receive an correspondence from the ex, I feel hot all over and very uncomfortable. I don’t want any contact with this person I did well in finally leaving.


  367.  #367Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    hmm that ‘by you’ stuff

    actually i feel kinda happy that i didn’t write – by you –

    it feels weird… and i have thoughts that it will be heard as ‘by you’ anyway

    adn it doesnt seem to be that way

    this is what i was talkign about last nite, when i wrote about rewording things to not use YOU

    i feel uncomfortable like, that can’t possibly make a difference

    but id oes

    cuz its not that i don’t want to have words put in my mouth by you

    its that i don’t want to have words put in my mouth – by anyone

    and that feels … compelling and easy to hear

    for me

  368.  #368dominique on December 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    oops that was #194


  369.  #369laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    i feel bad about what I wrote in #361
    I feel scared of being accused stirring up stuff
    Some of what I said felt judgemental and blamey
    I don’t want to talk that way
    I know its a stream of consciousness, journaling type of thing
    just getting my thoughts out
    and see my nasty voices on paper
    that can be enlightening
    at the same time, I feel bad doing that where people are reading
    and even though I eventually get to the healing
    maybe I can do it on my own
    I feeling mental right now

    I just want to apologize if that post came across as blamey or whatever. I’m trying to move away from that.

  370.  #370laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Maybe it feels bad because it was more think-y than feel-y

    good to know

  371.  #371Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    I feel shut down and F**k that!!! right now! There are no men on here – I can explain myself if I want to. On the other hand, I don’t have to. I’m following my path and I shouldn’t have to f**king explain. If someone doesn’t like the way I walk my path, they can step the f**k out of my shoes!!!!

    I feel super angry – in case no one can tell from the variety of f-bombs there.

  372.  #372Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    VW – omgosh this feels so uncomfortable… nd i want to be honest and do something different than going silent

    thank you

    and the truth is, that wording just feels kinda blank for me

    i feel so sad! i feel very guilty 🙁

    i do not want to trigger you with pain

    i feel scared!

  373.  #373VW on December 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm


    U are not triggering me pain…my thoughts of you might! 🙂

    And by the way, I feel a bit turned off when someone seems apologetic…:(

    Hmm… i wonder what is there for me?

    Daria, really sweetie don’t worry about triggering me anything…i want u to trigger me remember? lol

    warm hugs,

  374.  #374Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    I feel very think-y and in my “man shoes” right now. I feel att**ked and blamed for speaking my truth. My truth is MY truth. Mine!

    I feel confused as to why anyone would take it on as their own, take it personally, or take responsibility for it.

    I’m sitting here stewing on it and f**k it, I’m just gonna say it. Daria, seems to me you weren’t getting enough attention so you went on the att**k directed at me. I feel fight or flight kicked in big time. And there’s very little flight in this chickee. I feel like “them’s fightin’ words”.

    I feel pissed at reading the “I f**ked up, but I don’t care. I won’t apologize. I love me” tone of the posts. Maybe just my perception, but my perception has me feeling pissed the f**k off right now.

    If I want to date one man for the rest of my life and hell, I’ll even go so far as to say only sleep with one man for the rest of my ever-loving life, that’s my business.

    On the other hand, if I don’t want it debated, I guess I should keep it off a public forum.

    Ewww! I feel livid, rageful, mad, angry, defensive right now. And I’m not hiding it. Not hiding.

    Thank you, LG for your post. It helped give me some clarity around this – and thankfully, I even felt a little calmer reading it.

    Daria’s gonna feel picked on now. Sorry Daria. Not that I’m all about tit for tat, but I felt picked on earlier. And confused. And unjustly accused. And unjustly blamed.

  375.  #375VW on December 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    That’s hot Sweetpea!!! Yay!!!

  376.  #376Daria on December 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    “Dating other men is for when you are not happy with the relationship you are in”

    i feel tight in my chest reading this.


    this doesnt feel good

    i feel my back tightening up by my shoulder blades

    i feel my jaw tight

    i feel myself take a breath and sigh

    i love my feelings and my body

    i feel stare eyed

    i love my stare eyedness

    okay so, i feel scared a good man will be believing this and will abandon me because… he thinks im not happy with him


    thats not true

    and i love me

    and he will stick with me and offer me the forever after i want not just the right now

    a good man yay thats for me yay

    i want to date men even when i feel happy with the relationship im in, until i have the forever after commitment i want

    i wonder what else there is for me to heal?

    when i feel good with a guy and intimate with him, im insatnly ready for the commtiment. hmm


    like with Securityman

    and he left

    but he couldnt offer me forever

    at that time


    — realigning to writing for me —

    and for me, i feel tigh in my booty cheeks and i feel yawny

    and i feel kinda calm

    amd i love my tightness, my yawny and my calmness

    and the fluttery feeling of adrenaline still around

    yaaw – half yawn

    i love me

    i wonder what there is for me to heal

    feeling tight around my neck and on my shoulders

    feeling distant from other sirens

    feeling judgemental

    where am i judging myself?

    im judging myself for having such intense feelings and sharing about them

    aww love to me

  377.  #377Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    VW – LMAO!

    Thanks. I needed a giggle.

    I feel sexy right now. LOL

  378.  #378laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    ‘forever I want”, my ass

    I’m living in the now

    and it feels good

  379.  #379Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    I feel totally disregarded. I thought I made it very clear that I didn’t want to poke at the sore spot right now, yet it got poked at anyway.

    I didn’t have to read it. I felt compassionate and understanding while the processing was going on. The following posts are what triggered me.

    Then I see *yawn* – and my mind says, “I triggered ya, now I’m bored”. And it amuses me a bit, because that’s a bit how I felt when it was all going down.

    But mostly I felt awed that such innocent words could be so triggering. That’s how it works sometimes though, so good lesson, good processing, good cool down here.

    I feel tight in my head and pissed at the Universe. I said enough – I don’t want to poke and prod – aha. I didn’t say “I don’t want it poked and prodded.”

    Ok – so that explains that – got just what I asked for.

    Thanks Universe!

  380.  #380Daria on December 9, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    Sweetpea – i do feel a bit defensive at some parts (like ouch! what? thats not true! but you did but i didnt – explain explain),

    and also happy and open 🙂

    i feel amused at what looks like a mirror

    i just shrugged (not sure what the shrug is for me… it happens almost automatically. i think its a show of i feel scared and am covering it? or i feel ouch and am covering it…)

    i feel amused at the irony that i actually feel very (shrug again – am i lying? what is this about?) open reading about your choices

    and then i feel like unseen for that – like someone is telling me, you’re telling me i should do it different

    and im like,

    no im not telling you you should do it different

    I’m doing it this way.

    i Have no imput on how you should do it.

    then sometimes there are some beliefs stated on blog and when i read them i feel triggered, so i know theres something for me to heal…. and i quote them and ask what there is for me to heal…

    its usually turns out that i hold that belief on a level im not quite seeing at that moment of trigger

    WHOA this whole post was To sweet pea to explain whats going on for me

    or was it to share

    am i intending to do anything with this post?

    not really i guess, just sharing whats going on for me


    i feel kinda calm and distant from other siren’s triggered stuff

    i see it having nothing to do with me

    and i feel kinda sad and a bit lonely, and i still feel kinda tight mouthed

    i wonder what else there is for me to heal

    big yawn

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

  381.  #381Daria on December 9, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    i feel all tight and misunderstood

    i don’t want to feel misunderstood

    how do i share without ‘explaining’

    well ok:

    for me ‘yawn’ happens regularly while riffing… every few seconds. it means my energy is moving

    it feels really good too

    my body does it spontaneously

    it DEFINITELY does NOT mean im bored

    AT ALL

  382.  #382Daria on December 9, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    yawn is a cause for celebration

    its my clearest indicator that im healing on a body level

    the other one is guffaws

  383.  #383Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Daria @ 377,

    Mirror is right. That’s how I was feeling through your processing. Not sure what happened. Maybe I was feeling denial of some sort, but once it was done, I felt instantly mad.

    Still love you – feels good to have someone to heal with – and yes. Even to trigger me. xxx

  384.  #384laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    oh, all of a sudden a calmness is washing over me after contemplating ‘the forever I want’

    that belief feels bad to me which lets me know it’s not true, for me.

    I love my internal guidance system.

    No, I don’t believe that anyone else can promise me the forever I want.

    I don’t feel good when I live in the past or the future.

    I feel good when I am present with what I am feeling in the now.

    You’re are treating me great
    you want to be around me more and more
    i feel attracted to you and feel your attraction to me
    we are both growing and evolving
    we have compatible tastes, hopes, desires, dreams
    you say you want to be with me for life, and I feel the truth of your words
    yet, I know that I can really only count on me
    things change
    people change
    i don’t expect you to stay with me if it doesn’t feel good
    I don’t want you to stay with me just because you promised
    I want you to be with me right now because you feel drawn to me
    words mean nothing
    feelings mean everything
    and I trust you, I trust your commit
    I feel it
    I feel it in the way you think about how things will impact me
    I feel it in all the wonderful things you do and say
    I don’t need anyone else’s approval for that
    and things change
    people grow
    I don’t know what will happen in the future
    i only know that I feel great right now
    and that’s all I need

  385.  #385Sweetpea on December 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    I hope you don’t feel concerned about the yawn comment. It was my perception – acknowledged at the time the feeling was running through my head.

    Thanks for your patience with my processing.

  386.  #386Daria on December 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    okay the posts are starting to feel bad to read


    i feel upset

    i felt like i just got kicked

    i feel angry and defensive again

    i feel distant

    and thats ok

    here comes my ‘fuchkem head talk’

    aww i love me

    i love my ‘fuchkem head talk’


    i feel smily

    im healing

    i feel scared

    being here

    around triggered attacking people

    and thats ok

    i love my fear

    and i don’t have to read any more posts

    and i won’t actually



    i feel so good to take care of me

    now i want this to spill over in my real life

    i did so well today and i turned up the water so i didnt hear the words when my parents were yelling

    and it felt really uncomfortable to be in the room with my dad and the tension

    and i love me and did my best

    and im not gonna stand here for the lets kick daria cuz we decided its ok to let all the attacky stuff out now


    i noticed myself talking blamy!!!


    yay im healing

    sorry for blaming you everyone!!

    i feel stony and not really safe with you

    and thats ok!


    i feel smily for apologizing anyway

    im doing so well

    and im allowing all this to heal

    i actually feel excited cuz i dont eally want to blog right now

  387.  #387Daria on December 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    i feel a bit lonely and it would feel so good to feel close and safe and loved… i feel … lonely piny


    love to me

  388.  #388laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    OMG! I feel ecstatic!

    I feel completely and utterly in love with the now.

    thank you thank you thank you

  389.  #389Daria on December 9, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    you know, i acutally DON”t feel secure if i don’t know someone’s in it for the long haul

    i was considering the post i think Radiance made and then the comment by LG now got be back to it

    it would feel free to just connect to someone for awhile, and then be free to part

    and at the same time, when it comes down to it, i don’t feel as safe

    ive heard Rori talk about this

    it’s like damn near impossible to really let down my guard to intimacy if i don’t know someone’s in it for the long haul

    and i do want that

    still feeling a lil confused

    “it’s like damn near impossible to really let down my guard to intimacy if i don’t know someone’s in it for the long haul”

    is this a belief

    if i let down my guard to intimacy from the first moment with each and different men, … its not impossible?

    what would that look like?

    and i feel scared, i feel tightened

    i do want that security of knowign someone’s in it for life

    i feel tight under my tongue



    heart feels squeezy

    he 🙂

    yes i want one who wants to be in it for life,

    to make plans for raising children together,

    and to spend old times together

    it does feel much more secure

    yeah i want it

    i want to mate for life porque no

    and i might want to have lots of mates for life hmm?

    i am a goddess and can bring in lots of men?

    i like that too.

    so why choose one?

    to experience marriage

    do i want that?

    im not sure, i really enjoy beng a powerful goddess 🙂

    and maybe i will when a man can offer me a wonderful life with him that feels better than the wonderful life i have now of being a powerful goddess and having lots of relationships and connections

    thats why


    only cuz it would feel even better and only when it does feel even better




  390.  #390Daria on December 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    i would NOT want a temporary exclusivity cuz that would NOT feel better to me than the cool powerful Goddess life i ahve now with lots of men and relationships

    it doesnt even make sense

    like why would i want to only be with one when i could be with many And that one

    and why would i want to be with one for life then?

    that feels safe


    like here i am having like 5 different relationships, and one goes, be with me and only me now, and not forever

    and it would be like huh?

    umm… i don’t want to do that … what?

    be with only you and not forever?


    i mean i feel really good beign the temple Goddess with all my worshippers

    but if one can offer me that forever security it seems like ok

    i can relax

    thats what Rori says


    it does make sense to me

    i feel like running away from this

    ohhh this is all in my head thinking too

    what do i feel?

    i feel only half yawny and tight in my solar plexus

    i feel coughy


    i feel sad

    i feel sleepy

  391.  #391VW on December 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    Recently I had some awesome revelations of myself…

    For instance, I noticed I go into the “explaining” and “convincing” mode…as a cover up of actually deep down feeling “defensive”…it’s weird…:(

    I feel uncomfortable…as if I am loosing ground in that moment…I feel like running away in shame…:( but my pride holds me in…and so, I explain…and apologize…:( as if it was my fault for not agreeing in the first place…

    arghhh…and that happened recently with a guy friend of mine who expressed not being seen by me …because we don’t agree on the premise of a relationship…he believes in 50 50…i believe in an organic flow…and I don’t want to limit myself with such an expectation…he wants his feminine side to be appreciated…yet, he still didn’t figure out his needs…he couldn’t even list them…

    But the bottom line, I honestly didn’t mind us being different…it would not stop me to love u and be your friend…

    Gosh, as I type this, hmmm…lately, I had men tell me they cannot be “my friend”…wazzup with that? what part me is manifesting such a thing? [sigh]…

  392.  #392Daria on December 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    i Do want to count on a man to be there

    don’t i ?


    the one who offers forever is going to have to offer more worship than the other ones put together

    what if they all offer me rings and their exclusivity, and places to live, and their worship, and their assistance raising kids, and support of my dreams

    wow hehe

    yeah i want that!


    and then when i think they wouldnt’ be offering forever i feel bad

    like offended

    like what?

    what do you tihnk this is?

    you want me ubt not sure?

    what kinda worship is that

    i want absolute worship

    unwavering devotion


    kapisha, dominatrix goddess

    will i still choose one if all of them offered so much?

    i don’t know

    it might feel good to choose one for life

    seems like i could go deeper

    and i could go deep with one and the other too

    so if exclusivity is not what helps go deeper ,… then



    i feel confused

    its the security

    i could probably keep all of them with the security

    so why do i just want to pick one?

    i feel confused

    im feeling worried i wont be married now



  393.  #393laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    my beliefs:

    Security comes from within.
    The outer world reflects my inner sense of security
    I can only abandon myself

    and sometimes I do for a moment, but I always come back to me

    and this is helping me to understand surrender
    I can surrender because I trust in me
    Someone wrote something about that to me above

    and it’s so true
    I can surrender to his lead because I trust in me
    I trust my intuition
    I trust that if things start to feel bad, I will make adjustments to take care of me

    and I don’t want to make a lifelong commitment to anyone ever
    I am making a lifelong commitment to me

    I want to marry myself!
    and enjoy the men who come floating by my island
    and this one seems to want to stay

    but no matter

    I am committed to my own happiness
    I don’t expect a man to come save me from myself
    I don’t need your commitment
    just be with me because you can’t help yourself
    because you feel drawn into me magnetically

    and if it feels good, I will stay

    I believe in my magic

    and that feels warm, like I am surrounded by light
    I feel free
    I’m not waiting for the prince to come and save me
    I can just lean back and enjoy the love you are pouring on me now

  394.  #394tenny on December 9, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    This article by Rori touched my feelings deep down in belly through my throat. I love going away! I love it more with someone I want to spend time with. It’s like I’m in a trance when I’m there, and most men have been baffled by how deep and sensitive I get on these get-a-ways. I was baffled, until I read this post by Rori. I’m going to read it again and again but I understand it and feel it in my soul!

    I feel stretchy in my feet to my toes . . . relaxing on my bed and feeling rest ease up my legs all the way up into my shoulders. I feel happy in a lazy kind of way cause my brain is giving way to my feelings. I’m feeling love for my sirens – all of you (Rori too) – warm red big heart love because my new path is shared with you all and it feels like it fits like a sexy new dress you never want to take off. I’m feeling strong about treating each CD the same as the other. I’m not sure how to do it, but I’m committed. Going back through Rori’s programs to fine tune it and keep practicing practicing practicing it.

    Have a new CD – CDpoet. He smooths his on line words across my heart like soft butter on hot toast. He has my attention and I like the way it feels. He gave me his number and email, and so I’m scripting my Siren response POETICALLY ( 🙂 Daria) with feeling messages and I’m being true to myself.

    I have not been honest with myself. I’ve been giving messages other than I feel to protect myself. To avoid conversations. Today I speak the honest feelings I have. If I need to riff and channel first, then I will do that, but I will honor my feelings and allow them to go through out my body. Drop your thoughts, drop your thoughts, breathe.

    Going out with CDwise tomorrow. treat them all the same, treat them all the same. Going to practice my siren tools, and I’m going to treat them all the same.

    I will keep my heart open and this is how I will protect myself because I can step back and turn around and walk away.

    I feel tired but I feel happy. I’ve been reading everyone’s post, and I’m too tired to respond to you all, but I wish you all good feelings and if not so good, I wish you feelings and that you embrace them all.

    Peace and love


  395.  #395Esteemed on December 9, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    R came to my weekly dinner at a friend’s house! I feel so excited! First time I’ve seen him since August!

  396.  #396VW on December 9, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Wow Esteemed!

    I read a few times about R slowly but steadly coming back into u life…:)

    I feel curious, did u manifest about “him” returning to u? if so, did u create a picture/painting how would it feel to be with him back again?

    warm hugs,

  397.  #397laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    I feel so happy with the path that this triggering has taken me down.

    It helped me to realize that I really really don’t believe in making a lifelong commitment.

    I want to commit to following my heart in the moment.

    and I refuse to commit to something other than that

    and once I got clear on that, I asked sweetie if we could talk and I told him that. I told him, I love you dearly and I feel so happy with you and I just realized that I really don’t want to get married.”

    And I spoke about why

    and I love his response. He told me that he feels the same and the only reason he would get married is so that I feel secure and for family members but when it boils down to it, he feels the same as me. That it feels weird and disconnected from the now.

    We both agreed that what we really want is to build a life together.

    And we agreed to invent something new for ourselves.

    And he asked that if I ever change my mind, to tell him because he doesn’t want for me to sometime down the road leave him because he never proposed a traditional marriage. He’s saying that based on the no girlfriend speech I gave a while back.

    And so many other things.

    I shared with him that I feel challenged with surrendering and trusting. And then I felt so enamored with what he said, “You want to feel empowered’

    Wow, my scooby is really freakin wise sometimes. I felt blown away.

    and I told him that I didn’t know if I could ever completely financially depend on a man.

    and he shared his vision for how that would work out

    that he just wants me to follow my passions and do what I love. And he envisions me being able to do that and make money for myself if I want but to not have to feel stressed. That I can just do what I love.

    and I just feel so grateful. Sometimes I take this man for granted and right now I feel so amazed by what I have manifested.

    And if it’s not someone’s dream, that’s okay.

    I would like to be able to share this and have people feel happy for me.

    that would feel really amazing

  398.  #398laughing goddess on December 9, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    But ultimately it doesn’t matter if my dreams and beliefs are different than someone else’s.

    And I really got an understanding of what it feels like to “make someone wrong”. That is something that I do to him a lot and I am really getting it now.

    And I feel thankful for the mirrors I received today.
    I feel forgiving of myself for not communicating as well as I would like.
    I love my snappy side.
    and I am learning.
    and because of this experience I am growing and evolving
    and life is moving along just fine
    and I feel so grateful to people like Rori, and Abraham Hicks and all the everyday people that teach me things every day.

    and I love my fast new internet

    and I love this blog and the sirens here

    even the ones that trigger me

    We are an amazing group of women
    Feeling grateful right now
    and off to take a shower and go to friend’s b-day party.
    Hopefully I can master the stress that I am feeling about running late
    I just want to relax and have fun
    and trust in the timing of the universe

  399.  #399Daria on December 9, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    I feel sad

    I feel lost in my head

    I don’t understand why I want to pick one man anymore

    Is it just cuz I took a set of beliefs ‘to go’ without checking them?

    I do want marriage and I do want a lifelong relationship

    And why?

    Why not have my kids w 5 different men, and maybe some of them live with or around me. I am a goddess.

    I can have this…
    So why choose 1.

    And why do I need to know that they’ll stay and help me build my life to feel secure


    I feel sad.

    I’m not looking well with my brain.

    I had got a vision of it!!!

    Oh yes here it is!!!

    Cuzi want to experience marriage in this lifetime

    I don’t have to, but it’s my life…
    And actually I do choose to experience that!

    And that’s it!
    Back to smiles 🙂




  400.  #400Daria on December 9, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    I feel sad and judged reading some posts.

    And I feel judgemental.

    And I feel scared.


    I feel unseen and projected upon

    And that feels sad, and I feel powerless and lonely and small and distant and judgemental.

    And that means I’m judging myself and that’s ok

    It’s ok if I project while experimenting around for healing.

    Ok if I trigger
    Love me


  401.  #401Femininewoman on December 9, 2011 at 8:18 pm

  402.  #402light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    This is helpful…

    Okay – These are INSTRUCTIONS for speechmaking at this critical place of a stuck relationship.

    I absolutely love Nancy’s statement of “I’ll remain sexually exclusive with you while you’re making up your mind, but that’s all…”

    To just briefly touch on all his “excuses” – it doesn’t MATTER whether they are “valid” excuses or just excuses…there’s absolutely NO POINT in analyzing and judging his “whys.”

    The ONLY important thing is what YOU want — and what you’re willing to negotiate for, what you’re willing to settle for, what you’re willing to tolerate…and what you’re willing to DO for yourself to GET what you want.

    This thing about him being afraid because he’s been “cheated” on is a BIG thing men say and rely on. In other words — he’s THREATENING you, very subconsciously.

    When a man has this in his past and tells you about it — he’s telling you that he expects you to be TRUE and LOYAL, and that if you veer from it — by having lunch with another man, he would cross you off his list. That you’d “violate” his needs.

    And this is just, excuse me…okay, I’ll be less colorful here – horsecrap.

    The TRUTH is – EVERY man knows that if he isn’t marrying you, he has NO VALID claim on you. He KNOWS he can’t expect LOYALTY (as in “exclusivity”) if he hasn’t committed to you. It’s plain, basic “man-speak” — whether he owns up to it or not.

    And the more we buy into this, the less respect, on a deep, subconscious level, he has for you. I would be willing to guess that he didn’t divorce his ex just because she cheated on him. There was more and uglier stuff he can’t even get to inside his brain and heart. If someone cheats on us — every single one of us blames ourselves for it. We’re enraged at them, but we think it’s because we weren’t “enough” (plenty around this for another discussion).

    NOW – and this is IMPORTANT — along with this speech and your Boundaries – you’re going to have to work extra hard with the Siren Tools of opening up your heart and being an INVITATION for him. the deeper you can go emotionally, the more you can welcome him into your heart when he shows up in a good way…the bigger your impact. (Again – for more another discussion around Modern Siren.)

    So — stick to your plan, your instructions, and stick to YOURSELF. We’re all behind you.

    Let us know how it goes for you, Nancy, and let me know how it works for all of you..Love, Rori

    You can find this in the blog archive under
    Speeches for Communicating with a Man


    light heart

  403.  #403light heart on December 9, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    “When a man has this in his past and tells you about it — he’s telling you that he expects you to be TRUE and LOYAL, and that if you veer from it — by having lunch with another man, he would cross you off his list. That you’d “violate” his needs.

    And this is just, excuse me…okay, I’ll be less colorful here – horsecrap.”

    hmmmm….yeah, this is what I was talking about earlier today, and whereas I said, it’s not fair, Rori just calls it horsecrap! Because that’s exactly what it is! It doesn’t serve me one bit to analyze the fairness of it all, the only thing that matters is that this kind of horsecrap does not serve me and what I want for myself. Period. End of story.


    light heart

  404.  #404Esteemed on December 9, 2011 at 10:03 pm


    RE: #396 – You said, “I feel curious, did u manifest about “him” returning to u? if so, did u create a picture/painting how would it feel to be with him back again?”

    Welllll, let’s just say I have a very vivid imagination and that I fantasize about him every day. Beyond that, yes, I would say that I did manifest about him returning to me, and I did create a picture. Yes, I would accredit this at least partially to the Law of Attraction. But most I accredit it to God! God told me 2.5 years ago that he is going to be my husband. I believe it is starting to come to fruition (yeah, I figure if Sirens can talk about Law of Attraction, which I totally believe in, and magic, then I can talk about prophecy being fulfilled).

    I love him soooo much! And he is driving me nuts moving sooooo slowly! But wow, did it feel good to be hugged tonight for the first time by him in about 2 years!!!

    Thanks for asking, and warm hugs back! I feel so happy right now!

    Love, Esteemed

  405.  #405light heart on December 9, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    The only reason for getting triggered
    is because I am identifying with or
    believing or invested in some image I have of
    myself, and all images whether of myself
    or others, aren’t real, because they are
    always subject to change and always changing.
    Nothing every stays the same.

    The only thing that is real is that which doesn’t change, and that is the shining knowledge of the

    my heart hurts when I can see what is
    real in the man, but he can’t see it himself,
    because it is covered up by his belief in images.

    There is nothing I can do about it.


    light heart

  406.  #406Daria on December 9, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    “THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

    :: Power Is Your Friend ::

    The abuse of power in parent-child relationships
    has a long history. And since none of us wants to
    perpetuate that legacy, we sometimes feel reluctant
    to exercise any power at all!

    This parental fear of power is at the root of many
    child behavior problems. It’s not that children need
    to be controlled. (They don’t.) It’s that CHILDREN

    Parents who feel powerful, feel secure. And children
    feel secure when their parents feel secure.

    But being powerful is not the same as dominating.
    Power is expressed most authentically in partnership.
    Domination is power OVER; partnership is power WITH.

    Today, look for opportunities to get deeply attuned
    with your child — perhaps through play or working
    toward a common goal. Find “the zone” where you’re
    flowing together harmoniously. (You can find this
    zone by yourself, as well.)

    When you get there, feel it fully… That’s the
    feeling of Authentic Power! Memorize that feeling
    and recall it whenever your child needs your
    powerful Presence.”

  407.  #407kristina on December 9, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    We are not our thoughts nor our bodies. We are part of the Oneness which is the life force that runs through all of us. If you close your eyes and tell yourself you are everything and you are nothing, you may feel a moment of stillness and certainty. That is HOME. That is who you are… the part of you that smiles all the time, is at peace all the time, is quiet always, even when you speak.
    You are home anywhere you are and you never at home– not at least in the way we are used to defining the word.

  408.  #408Daria on December 9, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    yay Lightheart!! i feel good you’re feeling empowered around the ‘horsecrap’ 🙂

  409.  #409Daria on December 10, 2011 at 12:21 am

    “Happy 69 Year Old Lady Has Not Used Money For 15 Years
    Heidemarie Schwermer, a 69-year-old woman from Germany, gave up using money 15 years ago and says she’s been much happier ever since.

    Heidemarie’s incredible story began 22 years ago, when she, a middle-aged secondary school teacher emerging from a difficult marriage, took her two children and moved to the city of Dortmund, in Germany’s Ruhr area. One of the first things she noticed was the large number of homeless people, and this shocked her so much that she decided to actually do something about it. She had always believed the homeless didn’t need actual money to be accepted back into society, only a chance to empower themselves by making themselves useful, so she opened a Tauschring (swap shop), called “Gib und Nimm” (Give and Take).

    Her small venture was a place where anyone could trade stuff and skills for other things and skills they needed, without a single coin or banknote changing hands. Old clothes could be traded in return for kitchen appliances, and car service rendered in return for plumbing services, and so on. The idea didn’t really attract many of Dortmund’s homeless, because, as some of them told her to her face, they didn’t feel an educated middle-class woman could relate to their situation. Instead, her small shop was assaulted by many of the city’s unemployed and retired folk eager to trade their skills and old stuff for something they needed. Heidemarie Schwermer’s Tauschring eventually became somewhat of a phenomenon in Dortmund and even prompted its creator to ask herself some questions about the life she was living.

    She started to realize she was living with a lot of stuff she didn’t really need and initially decided not to buy anything else without giving something away. Then she realized how unhappy she was with her work and made the connection between this feeling and the physical symptoms (backache and constant illness) she was feeling, so she decided to take up other jobs. She began washing dishes for 10 Deutchmarks an hour, and despite many were telling her things like “You went to university, you studied to do this?”, she felt good about herself, and didn’t feel like she should be valued more because of her studies than someone working in a kitchen. By 1995, the Tauschring had changed her life so much that she was spending virtually nothing, as everything she needed seemed to find its way into her life.

    So in 1996. she took the biggest decision of her life: to live without money. Her children had moved out so she sold the apartment in Dortmund and decided to live nomadically, trading things and services for everything she needed. It was supposed to be a 12-month experiment, but found herself loving it so much that she just couldn’t give it up. 15 years later, she still lives according to the principles of Gib und Nimm, doing various chores for accommodation in the houses of various members of the Tauschring, and loving every minute of it. Schwermer has written two books about her experience of living without money and asked her publisher to give the money to charity so it can make many people happy instead of just one. She’s just happy being healthier and better off than ever before.

    All of her belongings fit into a single-back suitcase and a rucksack, she has emergency savings of €200 and any other money she comes across, she gives away. Heidemarie doesn’t even have health insurance as she didn’t want to be accused of stealing from the state, and says she relies on the power of self-healing whenever she gets a little sick.”

  410.  #410mali on December 10, 2011 at 2:17 am

    @Esteemed- 404: I felt so peaceful and mellow reading your post. And happy. I’m so happy for you!

    I’m curious, though… on one hand, we’re told that a man can sense us dwelling on him, therefore “wasting energy”. Yet on the other hand, picturing him coming back- manifestation, for example… can bring him back? I’m confused about the difference… I worry that in imagining these men or dwelling on them, it might be pushing them away? Would you be able to explain how it works to me? 🙂

  411.  #411ulii on December 10, 2011 at 2:36 am

    Hi Sirens!
    Sorry, I didn’t have time to catch up on the blog yet.

    Just a question if anybody feels to leave a comment.

    Would you tell over an e-mail about starting circular dating to M — an ex-boyfriend — you still wish to fix the relationship with? Or would you do it anyway and don’t tell him?

    We are in different countries for many months now, as I came to finish some studies.

    I do feel a bit guilty about not telling M as the situation is not defined. The last information he has is that I’m still in love with him and I want him to come to see me here. He has said he just doesn’t want to come. After that I stopped asking anything from him and there’s not much contact, or it’s quite superficial chat.

    He is not seeing anybody else and is “kind of” waiting for me to go back and then start to see if we can get things ok again between us.
    I don’t assume anybody remembers — as I am not a too regular poster here — but the relationship with M went bad, because he was a feminine-energy guy focused on his own job and hobbies and I was so alone, feeling unimportant and ended up cheating on him. And it did hurt him badly as he had taken me for granted and couldn’t believe I did something like that. So I have a lot of guilt around this still.

    Part of me thinks he is too feminine type of guy for me and never will step up like I would like him to. And I feel I want to try all this CD possibilities.

    Other part of me is feeling so much hurt and guilt about it all. About me cheating on M, about me dating many men at same time. About causing any negative emotions in other people. I know this huge guilt is in myself since childhood and prevents a lot of joy in my life. I would like to get rid of it somehow, but don’t know how to do it.
    I´m also too focused on whatever anybody else is feeling way too much. In family, with friends, working-colleagues or with men I like. Could somebody recommend any way of getting this shifted?

    Well, I really appreciate any feedback.
    Thank-you so much.

  412.  #412Daria on December 10, 2011 at 2:43 am

    ulli – “He has said he just doesn’t want to come. ”

    don’t tell him anything. just do it. drop contact with this man. he is no good for you

    “After that I stopped asking anything from him ”

    good. we are here to support you. babysteps

  413.  #413Daria on December 10, 2011 at 2:50 am

    to shift the guilt, notice when it comes up. let yourself feel it in your body. tell yourself you love yourself, and its ok to feel this, and you will be ok.

    this is riffing. read and practice the tools in Rori’s Power and Self Esteem articles on the sidebar of the blog… click back to previous to the oldest ones

  414.  #414mali on December 10, 2011 at 3:31 am

    @ulii- 409:

    I can very well relate. I’m extremely sensitive to emotions, and it’s much easier for me to try and take care of other people… but I remind myself of how I want to pay attention to my emotions first.

    I agree with Daria. Feel the guilt, and don’t get frustarted with feeling this way- it’s a part of you. Congratulate yourself on how caring you are towards other people, how attuned you are to their needs. And then flip it. “Surely someone this amazing and aware of someone else’s needs must be taken care of, too? In fact, she deserves the best care in the world, and I will do that for her!” And then zone in on your own feelings, and treating yourself well.

    ^This is what I try to do 🙂

    As for M, don’t contact him- leave him be. If he truly is waiting for you, he will make that known. In the meantime, allow yourself to be free and date. You owe that to yourself, darling!

  415.  #415Daria on December 10, 2011 at 3:39 am

    im feeling uncomfortable and full of voices and actually i don’t want that to keep me from expressing myself

    and i feel sad cuz i was reaidng some of LG’s posts and she’s like i wish people were happy for me

    and i get the impression she’s talking about me and i feel all bad, and like not seen and weird like im in some horror movie where people can’t see me through the mirror or something

    and actually i feel happy for her and all good reading about her situation

    even though i might have argued with her in the past about her philosophy in some things that triggered me and felt weird to me
    but her situation and stuff i do feel happy and

    it feels heartachy to me that thats not even coming across

    and i feel all weird and helpless

    like im here actually caring, and then someone is feeling sad about me not caring, and i actualy care

    and it feels weird and sad and i feel all lost and helpless about it

    i want to heal this ‘weird mirror’ thing, ive experienced this feeling before

    i am asking for all the help i need to heal it

    and now i feel scared, i feel scared

    im not gonna be understood again and i will feel all lonely and disappointed and heartachy again

    and i love me

    and i can handle this

    i can heal this too


    – ive shifted some things and ‘got’ some things like that I and some women have diff meanings for things

    like the whole ‘legality’ issue of marriage things triggers some women that for me didn’t even enter my thinking.

    i don’t even know how that works, just know that for me marriage means me and my man making a life together, that makes us married to me

    anyway i perceive im being projected upon – thought of this from inner bonding – and that feels lonely and heartbreaking yes

    and im sure that must be triggering as its sort of a judgement… sorry about that

    i don’t want to judge

    ok so i just feel kinda lonely and heartbroken


    and frustrated

    frustrated remembering that in the past i felt really tense and compelled to really control the choices of others here

    and now i actually don’t but it seems to me im seen as if i am

    and im like noooo im not wanting to control anyone

    everyone can do their thing, im focusing on mine now

    hands up im not controlling anyone

    and then i don’t feel seen and acknowledged for it

    and for the big healing i have done to feel all so open

    and i feel disapointed

    and this is a familiar feeling.

    i want to heal this

    i feel scared!


    i love me

    thank you for writing Daria

    you are so brave

    you are so good at taking care of me

    you are an awesome healer

  416.  #416Daria on December 10, 2011 at 3:42 am

    i feel lonely

    my head just dropped right tilt

    i love my head tilt

    i love my lonelyness

    i feel soft smile i love my smilyness



    i love my huh

  417.  #417ulii on December 10, 2011 at 3:49 am

    RE 402, 405 LIGHT HEART

    Thanks for posting this piece of Rori’s advice. It is so much like what I´m dealing just right now. Feels so good to read!! 🙂

  418.  #418ulii on December 10, 2011 at 4:24 am

    RE: DARIA 410-411

    Thank you! I love your advice. Right to the point and clear, easy to understand for me. 🙂 And I love reading your other post processing all the feelings, i feel really inspired.:)

    I do want to start doing the riffing thing, it feels something I could get a lot of help for my issues.

    I think yes it’s better not to have contact with M, as it mostly only makes me sad. Though, he is a good friend as well, he is making things to help me, keeping control of my postal mail (as I have some legal court-case coming up with my ex-employer) and sending me stuff I need, like manuals for my work etc. And it’s also hard, because of families involved and they don’t even know we are not together anymore. I got really close with his mother and we have a friendship beyond our relationship with M. With my own parents I’m not too close emotionally.
    I’m actually hiding this from them, just don’t want to discuss this. But at this moment I live with them and as my mother is a really intrusive person, there are questions about M all the time. I’m just trying to evade them, saying he’s not coming as he has lot of work.

    But I feel already better not asking anything from him, and not initiating contact. So these are babysteps, yes. Thank you for your support here. 🙂

  419.  #419Radiance on December 10, 2011 at 4:29 am

    Oh shoot, so much to catch up on. I’m just at 230 but I have to comment as I go or else I forget as I go along.

    Re Carol Allen, I thought this was lean forwardy interesting:

    “So – if there’s been less “good feelings” of late, then DO NOT wait for him to do anything differently – DO something for him FIRST and then sit back and be AMAZED because (again, if he’s emotionally healthy) he’ll do something good for you pretty much right away.”

  420.  #420Femininewoman on December 10, 2011 at 4:33 am

    Radiance she says “if he is emotionally healthy” also. That means to me that for the most part the man is masculine and acts that way. She is recommending to do something to shift things back into feeling good. It might even be just a gentle touch on the shoulder.

  421.  #421Radiance on December 10, 2011 at 4:33 am

    Is it boy energy to want to sort and organize?… I wish the comments could be in a forum so I could follow threads and keep track of who is referring to what/whom. And then see new comments in relation to which threads.

    This is such good stuff. I get confused by the lack of order to it though and wish I could experience it maximized.

    Don’t mean to come off as complainy. I am very grateful for this wonderful blog, the comments on the blog and free access to it. 🙂

  422.  #422Femininewoman on December 10, 2011 at 4:42 am

    Radiance we all have both energies so while it might be boy energy, we do need that in areas of our lives. It is just that it does not work in our best interest for the most part when in relationships with men.

  423.  #423Femininewoman on December 10, 2011 at 4:48 am

    More from the Carol Allen email

    I don’t need to tell you that the thing we all want from a relationship is to FEEL GOOD.

    We love people for the way they make us FEEL, not for what they can do for us or the items on their resume.

    This constantly surprises people – I’m sure this has happened to you. You thought that you FOR SURE needed to be with a guy who had a certain kind of job or “fill-in-the-blank” life situation, but when you went out with a man who filled that external criteria it wasn’t enough to make you happy.

    And the converse is true – perhaps you’ve been on a date with a guy who had NONE of the perfect “check list” of life experiences or circumstances you were just sure you HAD to be with and yet, when you were with him something about the way he made you feel made you want to be with him anyway.

    We’ve all known couples like this – they don’t make any sense on paper, and yet – they’re happy together.

    Why? Because it’s not the stuff “on paper” that makes us happy.

    Any salesperson can tell you that all decisions we make are made EMOTIONALLY and then justified with LOGIC and REASON after the fact.

    Think about it – ask anyone who has bought a house if they stuck to their initial plan, i.e., if they bought a property in the price range and neighborhood they planned on.

    OR if they found a home much nicer or more expensive that hooked them – made them FEEL GOOD, so they scrambled and found a way to “justify” the decision to get the nicer home.

    This is what we ALL do…

    So, in relationships, the MOST important thing to keep your man coming back for more is the way you make him feel.

    And you’ll only be willing to knock yourself out to make him feel good is if he makes you feel good, too.

    But the irony here is that he’ll only make you feel good (by sticking around, and committing, and being a great partner) if you’re already making him feel good.

    So – if there’s been less “good feelings” of late, then DO NOT wait for him to do anything differently – DO something for him FIRST and then sit back and be AMAZED because (again, if he’s emotionally healthy) he’ll do something good for you pretty much right away.

    It works every time.

    And the best thing you can do to make him feel good?

    You already know it – it’s NEVER MAKE HIM WRONG.

  424.  #424Radiance on December 10, 2011 at 4:52 am

    299 Susan

    Radiance, you may possibly be a boy energy girl dating a feminine energy guy. As long as that balances out and you are both happy, there is no problem. Our problems come up with boy energy guys are dating boy energy, over-functioning ladies.

    Thank you for commenting. I think I have been a boy energy girl for years but now feel worn down by it and embracing my girl more. And the CD I like playing with is very boy energy, but I think he likes playing with his girl energy for a break and for diversion. So we both flip flop around and it gets confusing and causes problems.

    Sometimes we both have a riot with sassy repartee and then I find that I get too much in that and have a hard time flipping the switch to soft.

  425.  #425Radiance on December 10, 2011 at 4:53 am

    420 FW

    Thanks you for that reminder! 🙂

  426.  #426tenny on December 10, 2011 at 5:24 am


    CD assertive is trying to get me to lean forward and I won’t do it! He left me a message that he wants to see me again. Okay, that’s cool. I was busy and couldn’t call, so I text him to at least respond. Here is how it went:

    cd – I am free all weekend
    me – oh, lucky you!
    cd – I’m free for you
    me – that feels nice
    cd – not for everyone, but you, of course your have to be willing
    me – I am
    cd – ok nice to know so let’s see each other this weekend
    me – when
    cd- whenever you want
    me – that feels good to read
    (I fell asleep and then text this morning)
    me – morning, feeling sunday, what do you think?
    cd – morning! what do you mean?
    me – sunday
    me – what do you want to do on sunday?
    cd – to see you
    cd – a million things i can do
    me – where? I’m available at noon
    cd – great we can have brunch and museum
    me – that feels like fun! tel me which one

    I feel out of sorts with myself for sending that last text. I feel angry that I leaned forward. I feel urged into leaning forward. I don’t like this feeling

    I feel he tries to draw out my boy energy. He’s done this type of stuff from the beginning. I stepped back a few times so that he could step forward and each time we come back to this crap. I feel bothered by this cd sometimes because he wants me to chase him and I will not.

    I’ve tried feeling messages and rounds with him but he is stubborn. So I may just step back completely in the future and let him step forward about plans to get together cause he always wants me to make the first move in planning our dates. I feel annoyed because that is what I used to do before (not with him) and I won’t do it anymore. It feels good NOT to do it anymore. He is making CDing a task, and I don’t like that feeling. He may work himself out of rotation. But then I feel bad because I feel like I’m not being fair to him . . . like I’m being a b@tch for no reason and I don’t want to come across like that, and the feeling messages don’t work with him on this subject. I feel like explaining and that makes me mad!!! I don’t want to have to explain anything anymore to a man!!!
    Okay, he wants me to make plans, I know I can say what I feel like, but darn it, that’s still making plans!!

  427.  #427ulii on December 10, 2011 at 5:32 am

    RE: Mali 412

    “Surely someone this amazing and aware of someone else’s needs must be taken care of, too? In fact, she deserves the best care in the world, and I will do that for her!”

    🙂 Thank you, thank you for this! You are so lovely!
    I feel similar to you in many ways. Yes we have to take care of ourselves first.

  428.  #428light heart on December 10, 2011 at 6:24 am

    407 Daria

    Thank you! I feel happy to receive your positive support!

    I am starting to take to heart that the Universe recognizes positive statements much more than negatives, like “I want this for myself” rather than “I don’t want this for myself” so what I mean is, I believe it is more effective to put my intentions out there in the affirmative, rather than the negatives, focusing more on the “I wants” than the “don’t wants” although I will acknowledge that it is important to know what we don’t want so that we can get to know more fully what we DO want

    rather long winded, I know 😉 i love my long-windedness


    light heart

  429.  #429light heart on December 10, 2011 at 6:26 am

    FW, your sharing of the Carol Allen e-mail on not making him wrong, is very much appreciated, and speaks directly to what I am working with in my relationship. valuable info. Thank you.


    light heart

  430.  #430light heart on December 10, 2011 at 6:29 am

    415 ulii

    You are welcome! It makes me happy to know that others can use it to deal with similar situations they are going through now!


    light heart