What If He Says “No” To Things You Want – Are You HIS Puppet?

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The Question:

Hi Rori! I love the videos, thank you so much!

(From Rori: – This is about the free 7-video series “Puppetmaster Control” here on the blog : https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/puppetmaster-control-video-series/

What I would like to know though…. What if you let him know the right way you would love to go to XYZ to eat dinner and he doesn’t want to? Do you then go alone?

And I know the feminine approach is great and works for both, but doesn’t it also create situations where you’ve become a puppet of HIM, for instance with the restaurant example.

How do you deal with that? Love, April”

Coach Natalina Love’s Answers:

Dear April, Hi…This is Natalina Love, I’m a Raye Coach. Aren’t these videos just brilliant?! I’m so glad you found her!

This question: are we just becoming HIS puppet…. ?

This question really just gave me the shivers, I can tell you – that for some of us ladies…. it’s not hard for us to start feeling that way.

Like we are starting to become his puppet… and for some of us…. it’s like we don’t even mind, at least maybe not at first…. which has been an even more terrifying reveal for myself…

…that part of me… might be okay …and might even feel really comfortable being a cute little puppet for a man or men who I’ve had confusingly intense feelings for…. isn’t that wild?!

Radically awesome question, Angelina…

You also mention “letting him know the right way'” and I have to smile about this, for all the ways I know I can and have expressed things in a messy – ‘wrong’ way – and it hasn’t cost me lost love.

It’s very hard to push away a man who wants to stay, even when we get all the words wrong… so I have to smile.

Having the words, certainly is a boon…and useful, but there’s more.

Here is where we are Circular Dating for connection.

As we know what feels good to us and learn to express our desires, this becomes easier even in high stakes emotional situations, with Rori’s communication tools to build connections and relationships that grow stronger under fire.

As we learn to express ourselves this way, we gain confidence, and we get better information.

Some questions for you to ask yourself:

Is it true? Am I choosing to stay with people who are not interested in hearing what is important to me?

Do I love the give and take in the relationships I’m in?

Is it true that more often than not, the man I am with is disinterested in what feels good to me?

And then, if this has been a strong pattern in our life – and we have a background where we are more comfortable dropping our interests to go with what a man wants to do – that is part of what we are getting invited to see here.

To speak specifically to your restaurant scenario – you can absolutely share what you want very directly and still use poetry and feeling.

EX: “This restaurant’s fish would feel so great tonight, I’d love to go, what do you think?”

There is still an emotional response happening here you can feel.. quite beautifully from just stating “I want to go to x place”

Of course, you are right – even if you are sharing the most beautiful and direct feeling messages there is no guarantee that he will want to go no matter what.

I’m very curious to know if this is the kind of man you attract into your life and feel attracted to yourself?

There’s lots to work with in a scenario like this….brilliant question, hopefully these ideas were helpful to you.

If you’d like more private attention and coaching for similar situations, understanding more of what happens in the energy exchange as we choose feminine energy – choose to support the relationship team, and let go of the control we always thought we needed to have …. but don’t….. for great relationships…. I would welcome you to join us in The Siren Circle Private coaching program. I’ll leave a link for you to check it out.

April’s Response:

Hi Natalina! What if you’re in a great relationship, perfectly fine and balanced. You will ALWAYS have moments where both feel different about something, like the restaurant example. What is the advice if I really want to go but he doesn’t?

It can of course also be the other way round.

Maybe it’s an idea for Rori to do a vid on. How to deal with this in a good way.

Love

Angelina

Natalina’s Answer:

April, personally speaking, there are times when I’m not interested in going to a selected social engagement my husband wants to go to, and I feel comfortable ‘bowing out’ where I might use a script like: “awe, I miss your face already, I’m really not feeling ____________ right now. what do you think?”

…and then there is more of an opportunity to hear and be heard.

Sometimes I find out that the event is a lot more important than I may have originally considered, and I WANT to go…. or to say, there is more of me wanting to go than not….

And vice versa, the same is true.

There will be times that you, me, any of us might want to be somewhere or experience something that our partner is not excited to experience with us…. or at all…. and while you may find that you don’t want or need to exert forcefulness (and this is not something I picked up in your letter, but does happen to come around in situations, feeling mental or emotional pressure to make your plan happen – and this is where an extended practice with Rori’s tools becomes very useful)…

…there will still be times where you will want to do something that your partner may not be thrilled or available to experience with you, and yes, if it’s important to you, you may find yourself kissing him, saying goodbye for a bit, and enjoying the experience with him you’re craving – from a distance.

Of course, there are nuances and layers of what comes up in the moment when you discover you don’t want to do what your partner wants to do, or vice versa – but yes, this is something that will come up in a relationship.

Warmest Love,
Natalina

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