What Exactly IS a “Bitch?” – Part 1

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I was always taught that “bitch” was about the worst thing a woman could be. It meant mean, nasty, aggressive, thoughtless, self-involved. But MORE than that, it meant “uppity” – sort of like as a “woman” you weren’t supposed to do and be certain things.

I grew up as Feminism was beginning and blooming, and now, we take all that for granted.

While we were learning, as a group across the world, to become more assertive, to work at the same jobs men worked at, to do things that women had never really done before except for inspiring individual examples (like Amelia Earhart and Eleanor Roosevelt).

But at the same time, we had no MODEL of how a WOMAN could do these things.

So we copied MEN. We copied their style of dress, their attitude, the way they handle authority, we accentuated the masculine parts of ourselves – our brains, our logical, action-oriented, decision-making parts – and played down our feminine parts – intuition, feelings, just Being….

And we discovered, too, that if we used our Feminine energies to do previously masculine-only kinds of things, we could easily be perceived of as “weak.”

It’s like the whole world conspired to turn us women into men. Only – the moment we tried to DO that – we got labeled with “bitch.” We were caught in an impossible situation.

So do this:

Look into your own heart and mind and touch what YOU think and feel when you hear or say the word “bitch.” Does it feel bad or ugly? Does it make you mad? Does it trigger all kinds of other feelings and get you remembering moments that didn’t feel good?

Try this first, and in the next post we’ll go further…Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Allana Pratt on July 21, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Reviving the TRUE Inner Bitch-

    Rori, I love this post about being a “Bitch.” I’ve found that when I looked into my heart as you advise us to do, that I found the Bitch only when I was insecure, feeling competitive with other women, afraid that there wasn’t enough to go around and I was trying to look cool or protect myself.

    Then there have been other times when a true Hindi Goddess KALI comes through me and she’s fierce LOVE. This is true after my self confidence has grown and it’s not OK to be treated badly, it’s not OK for someone to harm my son obviously, it’s not OK for a man whom I love to be wishy washy and off purpose… I love me so much that I’ll honor me and I’ll honor my man so much to say with angry love, “It hurts me to see you not passionate about your life. It makes me furious and scared to not feel your power and depth. I friggen’ love you!!!!!!”

    Do you know what I mean Rori? And yet there are so few role models for us to learn how to keep our hearts open and express our anger that stems from our hearts… we’ve only buried our intuition, closed our hearts and then when we’re angry, it comes out all wrong.

    All I know is that we women can forgive ourselves for when we were bitches. We can forgive our sisters. We can love ourselves so deeply that we learn to love our families fiercely and experience TRUE feminine power from our hearts.

    All my love, Allana

  2.  #2Uschi on September 6, 2009 at 6:32 am

    Well, why are women always wanting to be out there and making money have a job be successful etc etc etc when I truly believe a womans place is in the home with the kids and when they are grown she can still have a part time job or have a hobby with which she can make extra money – we all dont need a TV and DVD player in every room in the house and there are so many other things we dont need but just want – but why are men (or my man) wanting me to go out and earn a living when a household by itself is a job and actually several jobs

  3.  #3Rori Raye on September 6, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    I don’t understand, Uschi — do you have a child? If not …make money now…Love, Rori

  4.  #4Mary Katherine on June 5, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    I think you are a BITCH!!!