What Is A Soul-Based Relationship And How Do I Have One? An Interview With Jason Nelson

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I was just in the studio with Jason Nelson, recording a fabulous interview with him that will be released early next year to my Monthly Interviews With Relationship Experts subscribers – and I asked him for an article around his “Soul-Based Relationships” coaching.  I think Jason is fantastic, and that looking at love this way is brilliant and helpful:


By Jason Nelson

My new coaching clients continue to tell me how they want something more from their relationships, both those dating and clients who are already in committed partnerships . . . but they can’t quite put it into words. They have a feeling perhaps or some semblance of an idea based on previous experiences. When they seek my help, they wish to better understand the ineffable quality they sense.

My answer, in so many words, sounds something like this, “The type of relationship you are describing is what I call a soul-based relationship.”

“What is that?” they ask.

I continue to explain: “A soul-based relationship is the natural, loving way we are meant to experience partnership with each other. Qualities of a soul-based relationship include being unconditionally loving, accepting, open to learning, harmonious, trusting, understanding, patient and empowering. Is this the kind of relationship you want?”

The common answer I hear is, “Yes, it is exactly what I want!”

To better understand soul-based qualities, it helps to compare them with their antithesis, the ego-based qualities. Below is part of a two-column list found in my book Empower Our Children: God’s Call to Parents, How to Heal Yourself and Your Children (due for release October 15th 2012).

I recommend for you to grab your journal now, so that you may follow along as we explore and begin to create a soul-based loving relationship for you!

Soul-Based Relationship Qualities
Ego-Based Relationship Qualities

After reviewing the Soul-Based and Ego-Based Relationship Qualities above, you can move on to the exercise below intended to give you a snapshot of your relationship experiences up to this point. Evaluating and understanding your relationships gives you the power to shift qualities that have not served you to qualities that you do want.

Soul-Based Relationship Review

  1. Reflect on your relationship with your current partner or a past partner.
  2. Identify the qualities above that you experienced in the relationship.
  3. Determine which qualities serve you now and which ones do not.
  4. Transform the beliefs that have enabled the qualities you do not want to beliefs that support the qualities you do want. For example, if a quality you don’t want is ‘Blame’, then choose its antithesis ‘Understanding’, and transform beliefs so that you can experience ‘Understanding’.

We all would like a quick fix that will give us the loving soul-based relationship we desire. Attracting new soul-based friendships and partnerships, as well as harmonizing our current relationships requires patience and time. Most importantly, it also takes a willingness to look within ourselves to transform the sticking points or limitations that we may have blamed others for in the past.

The soul is within. Love is within. Greater freedom is within you right now.

The primary purpose of relationships is for each of us to grow and evolve. This is called personal transformation. Personal transformation is when we consciously choose to work towards a change within ourselves. This often means letting go of the stories and limiting beliefs that are not aligned with what we truly want for ourselves.

For many, personal transformation is unappealing because it is challenging, and to some it is a signal that something must be ‘wrong’. By seeing the personal transformation that relationships offer us as opportunistic gifts, we can begin to have fun with the process and find potential partners who see it similarly. Or we can inspire our current partner to view the relationship as an invitation to transform and be empowered. Either way, you can turn any seemingly hard experience into one of play and light-heartedness. Life is meant to be celebrated, especially the experience of creating soul-based relationships.

Having your own soul-based loving relationship has already begun by considering these words and applying them where it resonates to you in your life. Just remember, soul-based living is a journey, not a destination. It is a way of life.

Special Limited Time Offer for Rori’s Community: Contact Jason Nelson to experience his one-on-one or couples coaching at a discounted rate. Call 310-929-5993 or email Info@JasonNelson.info for a complimentary consultation and receive Jason’s Soul-Based Living Starter Kit. Jason Nelson is a Spiritual Life Coach helping clients internationally connect with their peace, power and purpose. If you would like to learn more about how to live from the nature of your soul visit www.JasonNelson.info.

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  1.  #1LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Good article

  2.  #2LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Just broke up with HScd. He wants to be with his ex. I have my boundaries. Must focus on me

  3.  #3LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Time to reflect and heal again

  4.  #4LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 7:14 am

    I spoke my feelings and held my boundaries. Kept it real for me. I feel numb but numb feels freeing right now

  5.  #5Daria on October 18, 2012 at 8:20 am


  6.  #6Tam on October 18, 2012 at 8:24 am

    (((love always))))

  7.  #7Daria on October 18, 2012 at 8:31 am

    /Im feeling something like ‘depression’ but its not no feeling… its like “big sadness’

    i love my big sadness. it feels like grief in my heart and it feels ocean huge

    its like ‘loneliness’

    i havent been around close to people other than mom or getitng massages or hugs from men that much

    maybe its related

    maybe im missing stuff in my diet tho its been so natural

    seaweed seemed to help

    maybe its not walking, i love walking

    i will go out soon

  8.  #8Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Wow – reading this, esp the different words for Soul based vs ego Based relationships is like reading about the difference between the relationship I am building with JC and the one I had with GM. GM is the dark and brooding soul – so romantic to think of “saving” him, of being “the one” for him, but such a toxic relationship for me – nothing in it for me but pain, pain, pain . . . addicyed to the pain.

    What i am feeling now with JC is Hope and Joy. I’m starting to trust that it might be real. He just asked me to go out of town with him again this weekend. Heck yea – let’s go!

    I have not posted anythign about this on FB – not changed my relationship status or posted pics of me and JC – to do that would be to invite a reaction from GM. I KNOW he would poke and prod and try to see if he can get my attention back and i am not emotionally ready for that yet. I want to protect myself from him while I learn what it feels like to be in a loving relationship with JC. I don’t trust myself completely yet – I’m afraid I would run back to the pain for a quick fix if given the opportunity. :/

  9.  #9Daria on October 18, 2012 at 8:40 am

    last nite my mom was talking about how she misses my dad

    but as soon as she saw him she started with the questioning, innocent q thing

    first it was i think to defend me cuz he said something about my pants but it didn’t trigger me actaully whcih i feel surprised about

    the thing is i felt so triggered with how she would talk and it just seemed like he so wanted to please her and then she’d just be like ‘oh its not good enough’ and i just felt SO MUCH PAIN In My HEART for my dad

    and i wonder if thats where i got that compassion for men or is ti from my dad’s family

    and also i thought about it and maybe he’s attracted to a woman who treats him badly like this

    and also thought and realized maybe its a man’s responsibility to point out disrespect not just tolerate it

    and i felt soooo sad and cried and cried to myself and i feel STUCK because i don’t know how to express myself in these situations it HURTS so much and i get the thought that its none of my business to interfere in someone else’s relationship

    and i imagined that eventualy it will wear on him and then he will snap and then they will be arguing again and again againa ganagaingaignaga

    i can’t tolerate it and i feel so so so sso sos oso sososo sosos sos ososososososoososososoossoosososososososo

    sad and im crying right now too

    and this must be from inside me and i want to heal it and i feel soooo sad

    and i dont feel safe showing it or talking about it with them cuz i dont know how to not make them wrong

    crying crying

    i dint know why god is punishing me like this or giving me life like this i feel soooo in pain i cant handle this pain so im shut down and noticing am shutting mom out a bit and i know thats bound to lead to a conflict iwht us and i feel sad about it

    silent wail

    crying hot tears and feeling hopeless

    only escapig out will feel good and

    want to immediately get acoustic cover for door as sound travels right to me and i wake up in mrooning feeling very bad from the pain triggered hearing their voices when they’re anxious i noticed

    im crying and crying and if i was to believe myeslf i guess this is healing even tho i dont see ‘the end’ of it

  10.  #10Daria on October 18, 2012 at 8:40 am

    it would feel great to have my own private place to heal and live maybe the acoustic foam can give me some of that

  11.  #11Daria on October 18, 2012 at 8:41 am

    i feel triggered when people diss ‘the ego’ like it’s ‘bad’ ugh that triggers me mucho

    i love my ego my uniqueness my self

  12.  #12Daria on October 18, 2012 at 8:48 am

    maybe i judge my ego

    like part of me is all “how can one be happy when others are unhappy” or “when one is unhappy, the whole can’t be happy” that i read and that makes so much sense to me

    and then other people i interpret as saying YOU be happy and then it will help everybody and im confused like how can i be happy when others arent happy duh and then i feel not got too and hopeless and mad

  13.  #13Daria on October 18, 2012 at 8:51 am

    :: WordWatch: My ::

    Possessiveness is rooted in scarcity thinking, which
    undermines the natural tendency to expand joy through

    We inadvertently teach our children scarcity thinking
    by overusing possessive words like my/mine, yours,
    Daddy’s, sister’s, etc. There’s nothing inherently
    wrong with these words, but questioning their use can
    help us shift into abundance thinking.

    For example, imagine asking your child, “Do you want a
    bite of my apple?” Is the word “my” really needed? Why
    not simply call it “this” apple?

    When ownership is emphasized, it sends a subtle
    message: “I have control over this.” It alters the
    child’s perception of the owned object, making it seem
    like a source of power. “Your” apple is more likely to
    become the object of a power struggle.

    Today, try to notice whenever you use possessive
    words, and ask yourself if they make you feel lacking
    or abundant — like a competitor (“that’s MY chair”)
    or a partner (“put your hand in mine”).


    daria says

    this feels exciting to me to see how it can also be partnership

    ego to ego put your hand in mine

    these are my boundaries those are yours

    what can we do with them tohether

  14.  #14Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Thanks Daria. That wordwatch article is very thought provoking. I have been so triggered around the my/mine paradigm in my family dynamics to the point of choosing isolation rather than dealing with the triggers.

  15.  #15Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 9:54 am

    I have seen this in CCarter writing and now here it is again in Lisa Harris’s

    “Here is the golden secret – In order to be understood, you have to first understand. In other words, you have to show your man that you understand his situation first, before you expect him to understand yours. When you give it, you always get it back ten folds. “

  16.  #16Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 9:59 am

    @9 Daria – I felt so moved reading that. (((((Daria)))))

  17.  #17Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 10:00 am

    “There has been so much I haven’t said over the years with a few different men for fear that those would be the words that would drive them away. And yet they left anyway. They left in the absence of my words, in the absence of my gentle unfolding before them.”

    Excerpt from http://or-so-i-feel.blogspot.com.

  18.  #18Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 10:05 am

    “So say yes. To coffee in the morning. Or tea. When he asks you for a second time, after you’ve already said no, you should be getting home, please just say yes. It may amount to nothing. It may be just what it is, a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. Or it may be the beginning of everything. Say yes to the shower offered. Say yes to a man’s fumbling attempt at kindness. Say yes to saying what you’re afraid to say. Say yes to being bold and appearing uncool and revealing just how deep you’re in it. Say yes to the full power of your femininity–to the full extent with which you’re capable of love. Let him pull you in close and nestle in the slope of his neck. Kiss him that second time even if he’s already late and rushing out that door. Make him a little bit later. Say yes to what is so damn pregnant with potential that it utterly terrifies you. Say yes to anything that might count as experience or adventure–even if the adventure at hand is navigating the long, grueling road of heartbreak. Say yes to letting the guy help you get the dresser in the apartment–self-suffiencieny don’t make you more of a woman and it doesn’t protect you from the good, the bad, the ugly. Accept love when you want to accept it, accept help when you can, and accept that it’ll be the second photo–the one you didn’t plan for–that’ll give a certain shape and meaning to everything that comes after.”

    Also taken from:


  19.  #19Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 10:07 am

    ^ I have never felt so connected and understood by a complete stranger before. Hope the above excerpts will move others as they have moved me.

    I have a total girl crush on this blogger now!

  20.  #20Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 10:13 am

    I feel deep sorrow for all of the times I have said no, for all of the times I have let fear rule me, rather than love and courage, for all of the times I was afraid to listen to my gut, my instinct, for all the times I was too insecure to trust what I KNEW was true…

  21.  #21Tam on October 18, 2012 at 10:18 am

    20..lama..I love all what you have posted, and I also feel similarly but deep within me – I forgive myself. And with regards to a relationship or a particular man, I know it wouldn’t have made any difference had he been the right man for me.
    So all these flowery things and all the saying ‘yes’ is all well and good – but sometimes, it is what it is.
    And it’s not our fault for being scared or afraid and for saying ‘no’ for when we feel that way.
    I simply refuse to take the ‘blame’ from myself anymore.
    I am perfectly me.
    I can improve and I am open to that, but I am no longer beating myself up for imperfections.

  22.  #22Tam on October 18, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Strangely also, the saying ‘yes’ too much, the giving of the benefit of the doubt, has many times been my downfall, with the wrong man, believe it or not.

  23.  #23Christine on October 18, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Great advice and insight. I think a soul based relationship is what I’m looking for too, but I just need to find a man that I actually want to have such a relationship with first. That’s the hard part!

  24.  #24Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 10:34 am

    @21 &22 Tam – awww, Tam. I love it. I love the appreciation for the idea, the forgiveness towards yourself, and I love the fresh perspective. Thank you!

  25.  #25MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Daria 13

    I love this! thank you for sharing this.

  26.  #26MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 10:50 am

    This article hit me at exactly the right time.

    I can see clearly where I have been subconsciously attempting to be half of a soul based relationship (didn’t know this term). But I am not hitting the nail on the head and I may be denting the wood a bit. Yes…I feel a little bit of desperation to be exactly what I need to be, or what I believe I need to be within my relationship to feel secure within myself. I get plenty of security from G, but where I feel the lack is within me. Yes, my self esteem is pretty much unshakable now. I can go a whole day crying and feeling pitiful and come out of it feeling envigorated and happy. Cleansed. I feel a lack of something…Oh yes I DO feel a fear. I feel a fear that I won’t be able to hold onto exactly who I am and what i’m doing. I feel a fear that I will somehow “revert” into my old self. And it’s strange because this doesn’t feel afraid to lose the man. This feels afraid to lose myself. I feel more like myself right now than I ever have. I don’t want to lose this. hmmm it feels a bit silly. But, ok. I suppose with anything “good” and “new” there will be some shakiness. Some fear of having it slip away. There will be some moments at 530am where I say something I am conditioned to say. Ohhhhhhh YES! It was not “instinct” to say that. It is conditioning. I felt sad like…How can my instinct betray me like that? It didn’t. Conditioning is not instinct. It is the opposite. It is the reversal, the painting over, the stuffing down, the altering of instinct.

  27.  #27Tam on October 18, 2012 at 10:56 am

    🙂 lama 🙂

  28.  #28MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 11:07 am

    OK time to be straight up honest with myself.

    I still hang onto these Ego based relationship qualities:


    Conditions. What conditions (my own conditions) can I release? I can release the condition….Sh1t. I can’t think of any? Maybe I have no “conditions” maybe my only condition is that I believe there must be some kind of condition! But I can’t really see any specific conditions I actually have… OK OK I see it. The condition I retain is this: To be my parter you must be capable of relying on yourself because, after my marriage I am not comfortable with being relied upon. I can not release this entirely…I feel stuck now. I can shrink this condition. I can shrink it down: To be my partner you must have the desire to be self reliant. If circumstances occur out of our control I can release this. The desire must be there. I now see another way I can release this. It simply IS already there in G. I know it’s there. So I no longer need to hang onto this at all. It already is. ahhhh yes. Released. To be my partner he must be exactly who he is 🙂

    Control. I was clinging to my control over aspects of our relationship yesterday. I believe I have already released this. To be happy and comfy in this relationship I need to have control over exactly NOTHING. ahhhh feeling zen on that one.

    Impatience. I can see clearly that I feel impatient at many things. Sometimes I feel SO URGENT. Nothing specific…Just random things that come up. I have already been making a concerted effort to change my reflection of this from “I need to ____” to “I feel urgent to____”. I believe I can not release these feelings entirely. I have zero control over them. But when they come up I can continue to say “I feel urges” or “I feel urgent to”. This can help calm the urgent feeling, and reduce it to a curiosity feeling. A focus on me and the feeling rather than the occurance/non-occurance and the impatience. Then I can say…hmmm Why does this feel so urgey?


    Thank you Jason Nelson!! What a fantastic start to my day.

  29.  #29T-Girl on October 18, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Powerful article! I love it as it confirms that I am in a soul based relationship whereas my marriage was ego based.

  30.  #30LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Thanks Daria & Tam

  31.  #31LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Taking this painful day moment by moment, embracing myself.
    I feel like I might disappear
    I feel weepy and weak
    I’m going to take these feelings with me
    And feel them with everything else
    I am an emotional feeling ball of self consuming fire
    And I feel the pain of the burn of sadness and relief
    I feel lost and defeated
    And I feel strong inside
    Funny, I understood the feeling of strong inside until today
    I don’t know if I did the right thing or made a huge mistake
    But I am going to lean back and be surprised because I can’t control anyone but myself
    And while this all feels so hurting it also feels right for me right now

  32.  #32MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 11:30 am


    You do sound strong on the inside.

  33.  #33LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 11:31 am

    I was open and spoke my feelings
    And I acted on my feelings
    Right now I feel like I could blow away piece by piece
    Into the wind and scatter apart
    I don’t feel solid
    I feel blind and like crying because I lost my way home
    I feel a little safe
    I feel on my own
    Forced out

  34.  #34LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I feel dishonored
    I feel ugly inside for being at odds against another woman
    I feel embarrassed like I should stay home in shame for being chosen over
    I feel like I lost
    This feels awful and I want to scrub it off my skin and singe it out of my heart
    I feel jealous
    Ong I feel so ugly for feeling this
    I feel stupid for not understanding I was in this type of competition
    I feel broken like I fell off my high level and shattered onto a floor of catty ways

  35.  #35LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Thanks miss stix. I’m a feeling mess right now

  36.  #36Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

    LoveAlways – You are being so strong and so good to yourself right now – you honored yourself by removing your heart from a bad situation.

    Feel what you are feeling, but he is the one who should be ashamed.

  37.  #37Tam on October 18, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Love Always, I want to hug you and make you a hot cup of cocoa and say everything will be fine.

  38.  #38LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Omg how long will it take to heal this??!!!
    I feel crazy
    I can’t think clear
    I feel like I am in a bubble crouching and hiding my face from the world around me and this makes me feel lonely because I am closed down and closed off
    My heart is breaking
    Breaking heart feels like it’s squeezing and I cant breath and the blood is not moving
    Like the blood is clogged in a thick lump in the middle of my breast getting bigger and throbbing in pain to burst and flow to my brain like poison
    This love is poison

  39.  #39MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 11:47 am


    I know that feeling too well “I don’t feel solid” resonates with me especially. I remember many times I felt like “mist”.

    Where you look strong is in the allowing of freedom to these feelings. You are strong on the inside, soft on the outside and beautiful.


  40.  #40LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 11:54 am

    I feel so dumb for being in this situation
    I feel like screaming at myself in the mirror for opening up and being vulnerable to be picked over like old fruit
    I feel stupid for not being smart enough to avoid.
    OMG she is calling me. I feel triggered.
    Stay grounded
    Stay grounded

  41.  #41Tam on October 18, 2012 at 11:55 am

    calling you? yikes.

  42.  #42LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Thank you tam & calypso

  43.  #43Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

    I feel like I manifested GM by talking about him this morning . . . i just logged onto FB and there was a picture of him – big as life! All 6’6″ lean muscle, shaved head & mirrored sunglasses of him – damn it!!! The pic was posted by a mutual “friend”, which is actuallyt he bar that our friend owns where we used to hang out all the time. It looks like home to me . . . my poor confused heart soared when I saw him, but then I logged off. I can’t do that to myself or to JC – we are just starting to share feelings and experiences and I will not ruin it with man-crack!

    I feel like I need to go run around the building 3 times or something . . . anything to clear my head and get me to NOT log back onto FB amd stare at the new pic of GM. Hell Fire – I have a hundred pics of him on my phone already – I don’t need a new one . . .

  44.  #44Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

    LoveAlways – The X is calling you??? What the F for? Yikes!!!

  45.  #45Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

    RE 37 LoveAlways I feel you. Recently I was feeling dead inside. Feeling like I was walking around with a dead child in my womb. Yesterday morning I woke up realizing that I was dreaming of a lot of vomit. Constant and plenteous vomit. I woke up feeling nauseated.

  46.  #46Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    LoveAlways I believe you are in a place where LilyBelly was not too long ago. Last time I read her posts she now seems to be in a happy place.

  47.  #47LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Yes, she’s called me before.
    I don’t want to deal with this
    It makes me feel shakey
    I feel like going back in time and avoiding all the love and good times so I don’t have to sit here and experience this moment or situation
    I feel attacked when im vulnerable
    I feel low for not protecting myself from this

  48.  #48Tam on October 18, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Somebody just contacted me on a dating website. I stated that I would like to be married and am looking for a relationship.
    The guy says he is married but in a loving open marriage and they both see other people.
    I feel angry. Why contact me? Can’t he read?

  49.  #49Tam on October 18, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    FW, ha, I had not even read your vomity post..seems we are in a similar place..hehe..I feel giggly now.

  50.  #50Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Tam – he probably didn’t bother to read your profile – he just liked the way you looked! Take the compliment, block him and move on ~

  51.  #51Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    LoveAlways – Wow. be good to yourself and do not take her call. I’m shaking for you, just thinking about it! I wonder if he told her about the breakup and she is calling to confirm? Yuck! let her wonder and again, shame on him! He should be protecting you from that additional hurt – geeezzzzz……

  52.  #52LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Thanks FW – I need to feel myself forward from this day.
    Calypso – she has been manipulating her way to get back with him for a while and feels I am a threat to that

    This moment feels rotten in my chest like steaming burning acid

  53.  #53Tam on October 18, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Actually, much less than vomiting, which would get it all out of my system, I am actually regurgitating…like a cow chewing old grass from one of its stomachs..again and again. Swallowing it and then it re-appears as it is not properly digested.
    I am so sick and tired of it.
    I just want to shut off my brain for a while.It works for a bit and then I see a trigger, like a boat (and it is full of boats here) and I am back to square 1.

  54.  #54Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    LoveAlways – do you have a girlfriend in your town who can help you through this? If i lived near you, I’d bring over a bottle of booze, get you drunk, talk bad about her and help you find things to laugh your a$$ off about . . . that’s how we do it where I’m from – lol. PJ’s and tequila ~ works every time!

  55.  #55LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    I feel my heart is my enemy because he is in it
    He is here but we parted because I keep crying when I see him or talk to him
    This is my day from hell and it is long, slow and painful twisting me out of shape mind and soul
    I had a horrible holiday and I can’t stand hurting
    Omg I wish he wasn’t here but I could not change the arrangements

  56.  #56Tam on October 18, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Calypso lol, thank you.
    It does get wearing…

  57.  #57Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Tam – lol – that is just the burden you carry when you are such a Siren ~

  58.  #58LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    I’m going to drink once I get seated so I can sleep for the trip. Calypso, I am alone because he and I were traveling together. Almost time to board.
    Sirens, send me strength and blessings and healing
    I feel nuts

  59.  #59Starla on October 18, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    i’m scared to screw up this task at work so i’m procrastinating on it

  60.  #60Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Love Always – He is there? As in Right there? Same house you are in? Wow . . . right now? Have him step up to the screen – I want to smack him upside the head for you . . .

  61.  #61Rori Raye on October 18, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Christine, Welcome, and I deleted your last name for your privacy….read around here, learn to Circular Date – THAT’S the answer…Love, Rori

  62.  #62Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    LoveAlways – Ok, I understand now – that sucks. I hate crying on a trip – are you getting on a plane? Flight attendant will have her hands full – lol.

    Safe travels ~

  63.  #63LoveAlways on October 18, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Calypso. We are traveling. I can’t even look at him

  64.  #64Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 12:27 pm


  65.  #65Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 12:30 pm


  66.  #66April Rose on October 18, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Iamambutterfly, Tam

    “Say yes to what is so damn pregnant with potential that it utterly terrifies you.”

    I did not do this. With WM. I was too afraid. I blew it.

    I feel shattered somewhere down deep in my soul.
    Today he told me he got off my horse months ago.

    What has come to me since the conversation is Tam’s words from the last thread – HE”S NOT THAT INTO YOU. I see clearly now. Thank you Tam.

    I feel sick.

    He was not that into me for the last three years. yet he stuck around. I had damaged the relationship by constantly undermining him.

    But he did not say “I’m not into you” and leave.

    He waited til another woman took his fancy.

    Story repeated. He stayed with his wife (who he wasn’t that into) until he met me.


  67.  #67April Rose on October 18, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I feel you, sweetheart

  68.  #68Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    @66 Tam – maybe it’s not his wife, you, or this “new girl.” maybe it’s him. maybe he’s just not that into himself. he can’t commit to himself, so how could he ever commit to a woman?


  69.  #69Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    woops, I meant @66 April Rose.

    ((((((((((((April Rose))))))))))

  70.  #70Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    but you get a hug too, Tam. <3

  71.  #71Starla on October 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    (((((((April Rose)))))))))

  72.  #72Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    April Rose I don’t think it is Karma. I believe he is playing the program of his life. You were available to assist him 3 years ago. Now you know what the world has available for you.

  73.  #73Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    “Today he told me he got off my horse months ago.”

    What else could he have said to save face?

  74.  #74Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm


  75.  #75April Rose on October 18, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman and Iamabutterfly for your insights.

    How can I forgive myself?

    If I had known siren ways when I met him, I would have known how to keep his feelings of attraction flowing.

    Then again, If I had known siren ways, I would not have become exclusive until I knew what kind of man he was and if I wanted that kind of man.

  76.  #76Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    I just ready my horoscope love compatibility for myself and JC and it made me LOL . . . it was so right on! I am a Pisces and he is a Scorpio. The article gave advice on how he could attract me, saying that a Pisces woman’s 8 favoprite words are: “Why don’t you let me worry about that?” Soooo True! I can tell he is itching to “Take care” of me and I’ll tell you what – he can go right ahead – please do! It’s about damn time someone take care of me ~

  77.  #77April Rose on October 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Thank you for the hug. It means a lot.

  78.  #78MS on October 18, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Has anyone here ended a relationship without talking properly about it at the time and subsequently written a letter to express what you were going through and why you decided to leave the relationship? I am feeling torn, like there are things I didn’t get a chance to say which are acknowledging what was good but also what made me feel it was impossible for me to carry on being in limbo. If I had known more about how to use feeling messages through the course of the relationship this probably would not be something I feel compelled to do, as it is I am a caring person and he is sensitive and I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me but was getting so self-absorbed I was feeling neglected. He has written apologising for his behaviour but is not in a good place within himself to be in a relationship. I have written something but haven’t sent it because any contact has the potential to create expectation or worry about a response and I am just beginning to get back to myself and don’t really want to get pulled into his negative thoughts about himself. He is not pursuing and I am not chasing, but I wonder if creating more understanding after the event is good for the soul, even if its too late for the relationship? I know this sounds like a no-brainer – do nothing for him and focus on me is what most of you will probably say, but like I said I’m torn so interested in anyone else’s experience.

  79.  #79Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    MS – It sounds like you are looking for “Closure” and I’ve learned that you really don’t need it – it will not serve you . . . keep riding your hirse forward.

  80.  #80bloom-ing on October 18, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    (((((((((AprilRose)))))))))) it sounds to me like he is giving you a gift…. i feel curious if you can allow yourself to feel that maybe not only is he “doing what he wants” but maybe also “doing what YOU want” ? gosh, how free-feeling, i’m imagining…. all that guilt & tethering – gone – & now you are just You : ))) & i feel like the “net” lifted… hehe i feel giggly imagining you rising up out of the ocean, like the little mermaid’s mother, the Goddess, the energy…. hehe… maybe google “ponyo’s mother” lol & you can see how large & amazing she looks when she finally appears in the film : ))) oh my heart is fluttering : )

  81.  #81Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Ms – to answer your question – yes. I did go back several; times and try to explain myself to my ex-husband. It was pointless and only served to feed his desire to argue and debate the situation – I will never do that again – I don’t recommend it at all. Once you start, it is hard to stop explaining . . . it’s over – ride on.

  82.  #82Tam on October 18, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    (((April Rose))) 🙁
    I feel sad for you.

  83.  #83Tam on October 18, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I just had a little cry in the gym.
    I was debating with myself, if I wasn’t better off going back to my old ‘teflon’ and numb ways.
    I just feel stabs all the time now.
    My father scanned the letter they so ‘kindly’ opened instead of forwarding it to me….just with a
    ‘as discussed’ – as if I was some pesky business person. He forgot the ‘your sincerely’.
    I am angry. Angry as to why I need to interpret this as ‘love’, because if I didn’t, then where would I be?
    Angry because I feel that I deserve more.
    Maybe even a ‘how are you?’, ‘is everything ok?’.
    But anyway.
    It makes me realise that I see a scrap of love and think ‘hallelujah’.
    I never used to be like this, why now at 36?
    I don’t think it serves me to stay open to ‘these people’, that can and won’t express or show their love to me, whether they are family or MrP’s or whatever else – even if they love me.
    I am sick and tired of searching embers and digging deep. I have some very close friends, that are always there when I need them and vice versa, that CAN communicate their feelings with me – and who always have my back and me theirs.
    I am exhausted to stay open for pain, pain and pain again.
    I want to go back into my tortoise shell.
    I am sick and tired of this.

  84.  #84Miss Bells on October 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    So far–so good.
    I am back at MY house taking some ME time.
    I got sick at HS’s and he took care of me…
    But it was time to go home. I have his PC to do some work that needs a windows format. He is supposed to call and get it back when he needs it.

    For a long time he would travel without me–Yesterday he asked if I would watch the house/business while he goes off traveling this winter. I said wahhhh–why won’t you travel with meeeee????
    He said he would–I can only go for 10 days, someplace warm and wonderful. He can stay 3 weeks. so I will go for the first 10–then fly home and mind the store.

  85.  #85bloom-ing on October 18, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    noticed a really interesting article linked on susie & otto collins’ facebook; reminded me of this discussion:

    “Bypass the Hazards of a Soulmate Relationship”


  86.  #86Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    MS what you are saying makes a lot of sense and it is the way most of us women operate. But this is a man. They are different. I am even tempted to say this is the intuitive thing to do. But remember what works is *counterintuitive*.

  87.  #87April Rose on October 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Oh I feel angry.

    All those years of not feeling enough.

    And, oh yes I feel freed.

    I feel a depth of absorbing what you said, bloom-ing: all that guilt and tethering – gone – and now i am just Me.

    Something that felt stifling is now lifted,

    and i feel as if i am dove whose cage door is wide open…. where will i go…..?

  88.  #88Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Calypso men are logical. Sometimes I believe they can’t help themselves. He had to pick your logic apart. So why go down the logical road/path?

  89.  #89Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    April Rose that is freedom. Rori wrote an article about that.

  90.  #90Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    6. I choose “My Best Option.”

    Let’s call it “My Best Option: Opting For Freedom – Whatever THAT looks like.”

    This is where courage is the key ingredient in the recipe. Just a little. Not a whole lot. You can shake while you’re “opting for freedom.”

    The terror/excitement can make your stomach feel like a fruit fly farm or a home for wild jumping beans – AND you can still step off the cliff of everything you know that’s led you to where you are and just see what happens next.


  91.  #91Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    88 – FW – exactly! It was a bad move on my part and it took me forever to make it stop. I learned my lesson. No explaining.

  92.  #92turquoise on October 18, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Fw said….. But remember what works is *counterintuitive*.

    You wrote that to me before too…. I don’t get it. Can you please expand? Thank you.

    ((((April Rose))))

    Today is 3 years since I lost my sister to breast cancer. I feel sad, and irritated with all the pink ribbon stuff this month. All this awareness and money raised, and still no cure.

    I wrote a post on FB about it and left it with I know she’d want us to be more than happy. She’d want us to thrive. So to be amazing today, for those who aren’t here.

    Mr. C. commented, You’re amazing everyday.

    Aww…. ((((Mr. C.)))) thank you. I’m not used to men who say stuff like that to me in a public forum. Felt eyes brighten up and heart squeezed reading it.

    Going to my moms for dinner with my sisters and sister in law. Will feel comforting to be with family tonight.

  93.  #93MS on October 18, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Thanks Calypso and Femininewoman – I will keep in mind ‘counterintuitive’ communication with men! The ‘Terror of freedom’ blog was so helpful too. Time to move on, that is the best thing for my soul.

  94.  #94Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Counterintuitive means contrary to what seems intuitively right or correct. A counterintuitive proposition is one that does not seem likely to be true when assessed using intuition or gut feelings.

    Ex: when a man withdraws we intuitively try to find out what’s wrong, draw closer to him to close the gap and do what intuitively is right to reconnect.

    Counterintuitive is stepping back. leaning back leaning away when he pulls away.

  95.  #95Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    I still need so much work when it comes to letting a man give to me. I’m so not used to it that I feel awkward, even though I want to be cared for and given gifts.

    JC is taking me to Nashville tomorrow and we are spending the night. i have no problem letting him pay for everything – gas, hotel, meals, etc., but when he offers to BUY me something, i feel awkward. I feel like I should immediately say, No Thank You . . . :/ How do I learn to relax about this? He is wealthy and I am always broke due to high medical bills for my son. he can afford to buy me things and I like it when he gives me a gift, but when he just asks if I want him to buy me something, like a pair of shoes, i sort of freak out.

    So now he is texting me that he wants to take me shopping at Victoria Secret for a new nightie when we are in the city tomorrow. I’m not stupid – I know that is more for him, so I am practicing being receptive. “Oh JC . . . shopping for something sexy with my man makes me feel so hot” . . . “I’m such a lucky girl”. . .

    I have to figure out how to make this easier for myself – he wants to take care of me and I could use some taking care of . . .

  96.  #96Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Counterintuitive – when a man is wrong and he is sticking to his position, agree with him

  97.  #97Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Calypso I feel so shaky reading “my man”. I prefer them to own me

  98.  #98Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Counterintuitive – You think giving up everything you like to do and making more time for your man will keep him interested in you, when actually it is the opposite – a man is more attracted to a woman her keeps her sense of “self” and continues to do things with her friends and has a full life outside of the relationship.

  99.  #99Calypso on October 18, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    FW – lol. I guess we own each other? He likes to call himself “My Man”, “Your Man” . . . he asks me all the time, “Who’s your man?” . . . he is very much the male in the relationship – my boy energy goes Poof when I am near him.

  100.  #100MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    hmmm I don’t like “my man” either…I say “the man” lol “me and the man” “the man and I”.

    We have a little running joke too, and he keeps doing it because he thinks it bugs me, but the truth is I kind of pretend it bugs me so he keeps doing it 😉 When I forget to do something, for example, he’ll have already done it. I’ll say “dam, I forgot that!” and he’ll say “don’t you worry, daddy’s got you.” and i’ll roll my eyes and say “oh my gawd, I already have a daddy” and stick my tongue out or something. This feels fun! 🙂

  101.  #101Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    I have a question for anyone who could give some input.

    M has told me in one of our last interactions (he has been sharing his feelings a lot more) that he felt ‘upset, busy, and sad’.

    I felt curious and completely misinterpreted this ‘upset, busy and sad’.

    He said later that he feels that way when he spends the weekends he has the kids alone with them.

    Because the kids don’t want me around so much but that he realizes he wants to stay with me in a committed relationship, but without the kids, at least for a while. He is upset and sad to have to leave the ‘dream of living with someone’ behind for now. He does not see the possibility of fixing the issue with the kids until custody is over in several months. He was upset because the kids, that I haven’t seen in 2 months, are speaking even MORE about me in negative ways and he doesnt know how to deal with this EMOTIONALLY.

    He said he is considering consulting a therapist.

    I have NO idea how to deal with this in a Rori Siren way…

    What can I do/say??? It makes it all about HIS feelings and I see the trap in overfunctioning or mothering.

    Also, it has come clear to me that:

    1- the kids must be ‘fed’ negative things about me, because after 2 months of not seeing me they should have dropped it and forgotten about it – certainly not talking MORE about it and making nasty comments.
    2- I am feeling afraid HE may have led them that path unconsciously.

    Any insight/suggestions?

  102.  #102Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    I am starting to feel put-off, turned-off, overwhelmed, despair at this situation.

    Something turns me totally off and I wonder if it is his weaknesses showing and his inability to handle something.

  103.  #103Iamabutterfly on October 18, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    “my boy energy goes Poof when I am near him.”

    that has to be one of the best feelings in the world…! 🙂

  104.  #104Goddess Lily on October 18, 2012 at 3:23 pm


    (((April Rose)))

  105.  #105April Rose on October 18, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    “…see how large & amazing she looks…”

    Here she comes …:-)…..:-)…..:-)…..

  106.  #106Heart on October 18, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    429: Heart says: Also looking back on our earlier hang outs, I realized that reconfirmation wasn’t needed with CudG. Most of the times him asking and me agreeing was enough. Gosh, it just came across like I was disinterested or just plain weird. I feel like I sorta kinda stood him up a little… Omg and he had reserved a place in my area and everything. I don’t want to learn forward… but I want to show that I’m interested…I want to make up for acting badly.

    My two friends are telling me that CudG thinks I’m not interested and thats why he isn’t contacting me…and that I should message him.
    What do you think?

  107.  #107Annie on October 18, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Hugs Love Always

  108.  #108Annie on October 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Ty Dominique.

  109.  #109Heart on October 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Siren Angel- can you two have a committed relationship without the kids involved?
    It seems like the simple and obvious solution.

  110.  #110LiliBee on October 18, 2012 at 4:08 pm


    That’s how I feel too (((SA))). We’re not alone.

  111.  #111Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    The simple and obvious solution would be to talk to the kids.

    I believe he is that process but scared, thus those feelings.

    He told me he has no intention of letting me go the other night.

    He might be facing what he should/has to do. Or may feel incapable.

    I feel alone.
    He said he felt alone last weekend with the kids.

    The thing is I really don’t know how to react/respond to this.

    The kids called me a bully. If they only knew… My deepest and most painful trigger.

  112.  #112Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    They called me a bully last weekend when he was alone with them.

    He told me he said to the kids ‘hey, that’s not true and not respectful’.

  113.  #113Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    I feel deeply sadened and hurt. I feel bullied. I feel they found that spot and are having a party making fun of me. Kids. Just kids. It felt like a dagger in my heart from smiling mocking kids I love.

  114.  #114Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Can we have a deeply loving committed relationship without the kids involved?

    I fear this is our only way to have a deeply loving committed relationship right now.

    It feels very adult and fun and bonded and intimate.

    But I don’t know what to do about HIS feelings of sadness and hurt.

  115.  #115Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    How do you respond to a man saying he feels sad?

    I felt powerless. Knowing better than to try to fix it. Knowing better than to ask more about how he FEELS. I felt tied up and gagged.

  116.  #116bloom-ing on October 18, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    siren angel, that would feel bad for me to hear.

    hugs, lady (((siren angel)))

  117.  #117Heart on October 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Ps – could someone please give me advice a well…
    I feel conflicted.

  118.  #118Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm


    I told him that felt bad to hear.
    I told him also I felt sad and sorry.

  119.  #119Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I told him also I felt powerless.

  120.  #120jean on October 18, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    siren angel: remember what rori says: its not about him or how he feels or what is going on in his life. its about YOU and how you feel when you are with him and when you are not with him. this sounds like its becoming all about him. yes, the children are involved, but if he wants to make you an important part of his life – he needs to let his children know #1 that you are an important part of his life and #2 that he will not allow/listen/accept any negative talk about you. the children need to have somone tell them what is and what is not acceptable and he is letting his guilt – over the divorce or custody – stand in the way of his committment to you. rori says that when a man makes it about himself(he feels sad, he feels alone) its that he either can’t grow up or wont’ grow up. when he talks like this, you need to get out your rori tapes(relationship or siren ones) and make YOU a priority in your life. take you out, have fun, find things to do. when he calls, you talk about how happy you felt to go out shopping, how silly the child made you feel, how alive you felt walking in the rain, how sleepy you feel lying with your kitty on your lap. you are not to be his comfort, his mom, his sister. does this help, does this help you to remember that you are the priority and you need to take care of you so you feel good and happy again?

  121.  #121jean on October 18, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    siren angel: you are so deserving of being the priority of having a man who puts you first and how you feel hugs for you!

  122.  #122Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 5:28 pm


    Thank you.
    I do that.
    I feel happy I didn’t try to mother or fix.
    I am making it all about me. Funny enough, easier since he told me all this.

    I asked him in the past if he felt guilty about the divorce and custody and the answer was always no. Obviously he is, but I don’t tell him that. He does need to grow on that part.
    Maybe this challenging growth is what he needs to learn in his own process and timeline. But again, I have to keep the focus on me.
    Thank you 🙂

  123.  #123Tam on October 18, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Heart..I would lean back and then try again when he contacts you, but if you can contact him and not be invested in the outcome then just do it…just saying that after nearly three weeks of me being her, my mind is also telling me that I ‘stood up’ MrP by not turning up when he had already told me a few days before that this was taking place. Basically, I set him up for failure because I ‘knew’ that he would text me again on the night as he used to do that sometimes and I could prove to him, finally, that I was the prize and was staying put at home…..BUT in the end a man who wants us will contact again, will pick us up, will confirm dates etc.
    So I won’t do anything, if he’s gone he’s gone and I say: ‘good riddance’
    It’s really up to you, not your friends or him.
    How do you feel?

  124.  #124Tam on October 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Being ;here’

  125.  #125Tam on October 18, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I went out on a date with a new CD. I call him ‘InstantRelationship’. He was ready to call me his girlfriend. He asked me to not date other men ;if I liked him’. He took my hand after the dinner…and when he walked me back to my place he kissed me. And stuck his tongue in. EEEEEEKKKKKK…..no sorry, I don’t know what it is – he is a very attractive guy…and very fanciable. I just don’t feel good kissing other men. And there isn’t even a ‘the man’, so it’s not like I am ‘kissing other men’. I am just kissing men. And it feels awful.
    I am not sure CDing is working in my favour. They all seem to want me so surely my tools are working enough. I get inundated with calls and texts and second meeting requests and now even an instant relationship offer.
    And I just feel awful, nothing feels right or fun or even worth doing again. 🙁

  126.  #126Tam on October 18, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    …the funny thing was, he kept saying ‘lets say you meet a guy called Tom (just to pick a name) tomorrow, and we have a date on Saturday, would you still go out with him?’
    In the middle of this conversation, a text from Tom (the surfer dude is called Tom) comes in….how funny is that (I only saw later because I don’t check my phone when talking to someone).
    I could write a book.

  127.  #127MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Feeling a little guilty. I am leaned all the way back. Very very much enjoying my time at the condo. Feeling chill with the fire on and candles lit. I barely thought of him all day. Last night on the phone he told me to call him if I woke before he left for work. Sometimes i’m up by 6 but I wasn’t today, so I didn’t call. Didn’t text all day. I got a text a couple hours ago “Hey babes how are you? No text for me today :(….” He went on to let me know him and roomie are having beer and pizza for football and asked if I wanted to come. Not really. Told him I felt lazy and would sit this one out…And he said “oh arrgh! Well…you will be missed! whatcha gonna do?” So I told him I was relaxin with the fire. Feelin chill and would probably do movies again. He called and I used the “goodnight talk” tool. The convo was nice. He ket me go so he could cook the pizza and said he’d call before bed.

    so here I am feeling a little guilty for turning down his invite. But, I do know it was the right thing to do. I feel so mellow here and pizza and football with G and the boy does not sound like it would feel more fun than movies and wine and candles and fire and quiet! mmmm ok I am feeling more soothed. 🙂

  128.  #128Lucy on October 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Interesting article. Sadly, I can see that my last relationship fit the whole ego list way more than the soul one, even though that’s not what we wanted. 🙁 My new relationship so far is much more of the soul list, and is actually more challenging because of that, in a strange way. I think the challenging part is because I feel “in love” yet have to keep letting go.

  129.  #129MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    blog feels so quiet lately.

  130.  #130MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Maybe there is more to that feeling. More than just guilt it felt a little spacey. Like so much extra room. Not really used to that…I don’t really spend more than one night away from his place very often. Mm new feelings.

  131.  #131Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 7:11 pm


    Do you practice opening up your heart to him? Do you do the water-wheel exercise?

  132.  #132Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 7:17 pm


    When we realize we did not do something ‘perfectly’ (it can never be ‘perfect’) we start feeling guilty and that can put us in masculine energy, and then we want to lean forward and ‘fix’ it.

    I would encourage you to lack but also focus on yourself WHILE keeping an open heart to him. It sounds easier than it is really. You want that energy to be happy smiley loving energy that you pour onto yourself but that he can TOUCH and FEEL when he comes close.

    You can practise also by imagining the row boat where he is rowing and you are leaning back and he comes toward you, looking in your eyes, and you receive that look completely, and he leans forward and gives you candy and flowers (stuffed animals, jewely, whatever) and you receive that and smile). He leans forward and puts his hand on your heart and you let him.

    The idea is to learn to receive and be open. To get comfortable with this. And to let it move you further together.

  133.  #133Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    ***I would encourage you to lean back…

  134.  #134Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 7:21 pm


    Loving that feminine energy. Movie, wine, candles, fire… wow. Yes, I would take that over beer and a game with the boys too!!!

    You are doing great 🙂

  135.  #135Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 7:24 pm


    I feel surprised and a little curious… I am wondering if I have been found-out…

    I got a text about an hour ago from M that said :

    ‘I feel neglected’

    Whoa… All these new feeling messages from my man… Or is he trying communicating with me at my level? (psychologist will do that…)

  136.  #136Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    So we spoke on the phone and he asked me, again, why I don’t call him…

  137.  #137Siren Angel on October 18, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Honestly, I enjoy not feeling stress about calling. It feels much better this way. I feel so calm and soothed with my warm Linden flowers tea. I feel so pretty and soft when I take care of me. I feel so divinely connected to everything when I do my Yoga. I feel my feminine energy growing and learning when I focus on myself and my Siren Sisters here.

  138.  #138Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Tam remember a man can smell when another man is sniffing around. That makes you even more valuable to a real man. It gets his masculine instinct in high gear.

  139.  #139Femininewoman on October 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    MissStix I feel like joining you. Sounds so cozy and relaxed. Have me here thinking of you all curled up like a cat

  140.  #140MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Thank you siren angel 🙂 Yes, feeling very laid back feminine right now. I say laid back instead of leaned back because that’s what I am. Draped over the sofa soaking in the luxury. mmmm I feel kind of magnificent.

    M is probably just gowing with your form of communication. A way to help you feel at ease I believe. We can respond with curiosity but refrain from “giving into” that. As long as he knows you love to hear from him he can do the calling and be ok with that. He may also be feeling a little needy for affection and affirmation as I know he is going through some rough stuff. “You know I just love to hear from you baby…I feel so cherished and I appreciate it when you take the lead and do the calling…” might be enough to soothe him without taking care of him.

  141.  #141MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    This home is good for my soul. I feel so coccooned here.

    I love the feminine vibe on the blog in this moment too. SA with her tea and pretty softness. Me with my wine and firelight. Cozy cat vibes like you said FW. yum.

  142.  #142R.N.AmazingMe on October 18, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Hello sirens! Been awhile, seems I have been in too many crisis’ in the last 8 weeks or so. I have missed you all and realized I try not to write here when I feel so down but also remembering that you have been there before to listen. Sirens I need advice but this is advice about something quite different than my love life which is non existant by the way. Anyways ok so try to shorten situation but so you know what I am asking. My dad had a brain aneurism is how the snowball effect started and he lived thank god had surgery coiled it off but then a week later had a TIA more or less a mini stroke then they also found a smaller one that is too small to coil so they watching it. Ok, so that was and is pretty intense right? Well a week of dad being out of the hospital i asked my sister to take my mom to the hospital as I was on my way to work well I met them there and the doctor comes in and says they are going to admit her that she has a mass the size of a baby’s head on her right ovary it is a cyst looks fluid filled but an area that is cancer questionable. Ok so at this point i am freaking we just lost my grandma and grandpa to cancer not long ago and that “C” word is like nails on a chalkboard. I tried to be calm as so did my dad and sister when inside I knew we were all scared out of our minds. Well turns out the area was ovarian cancer and they were going to do a scan to make sure it was nowhere else. Did a complete hysterectomy and took some lymphnodes. Thank god the scan was clean deep breath but mom still has to undergo chemo and still needs treatment for the cancer. So I am freaking out but trying to stay strong and keep it together for my mom, my kids and rest of us. Not working out too well, I have been in and out of depression and very stubborn at the moment. Angry this angry stage has not left me yet, just want to know what my family did to deserve this much less Cancer!! My mom has no insurance again freakking out but ok so now lets deal wsith it AmazingMe. American Cancer Society surely helps people like her that cannot afford chemo with no insurance….laughing sarcastically!…Nope they do not And in less than 6 weeks the oncologist at the hospital told her she needs to start it. Ok so brings me to my question in this mess! Sirens where in the BLEEPPPP do I go for help.!! I wont let my mom have treatment delayed as we know cancer doesnt wait for anyone! I am not asking for anything but advice, dealing with this stuff, resources who do I call? I been doing research but would be nice to get some insight and maybe I am not reaching out to all my resources if there are some i know nothing about. Please any advice with this what can I do? If anything how do I stay sane in this, one of the hardest things to do is not give up right now. I wont let my family down, my mom will get what she needs just need some insight from you sirens. Sorry so long thank you for listening if you still are. XOXO

  143.  #143Linda on October 18, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Sadly my last relationship lines up all in the Ego-Based Relationship. Mostly due to the play rules he operated with during our time together. Experiencing the “Dont wants” makes clear what “I do want”.

    Like I said in the last thread, I am feeling reflective. I want get be straight with myself.I want to be settled in me and be strong and comfortable in being ME…and speaking ME… The longer I am without anyone in my life my thoughts are more centered in a peaceful place and not on any drama.

    It is easy to be in this place without anyone that interests me or to date. I want to feel that ease when I do.

    Last weekend I got stood up for a meet and greet and I got no response to email I sent him. pfff

    I have a meet and greet tomorrow nite for drinks with a man that I have felt very comfortable talking to on the phone. It does not feel like he is that interested in a relationship… talking and meeting has not been a priority for him… He intiated it, talked about it every time he contacted me but did not actually set up doing it… we will see if it actually happens. His vibe feels passive and uninterested in a relationship really… but I would like to meet him though.

    I have also had a different man really pursuing conversation and wanting to meeting me. He texts me, calls, has been a good listener, shows interest in my feelings… even asks me questions. Has planned a date for Saturday, which I changed a bit due to my comfort levels…(he was appreciative that I spoke up yeah me!)…so we will see how that goes. He certainly is doing things right, but I have a feeling that I am not going to be physically attracted to him. The vibe he gives off feels yawnie to me.

    I have another meeting set for Tuesday evening with a man who is out of town this week and set up to meet before he left town. I feel favorable to his vibe.

    All of these men will have a message for me and provides more practice. I am excited that they are all taller… I can wear my heals and not be concerned that I will be taller than them. That makes me smile.

    I feel a bit of concern and out of practice dating…I feel concerned about my vibe a bit. I dont want to mess things up and just thinking that makes me feel like I am messing up already.

  144.  #144MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 8:58 pm


    I am sorry I have no info…There must be some info online? Have you contacted the cancer society? If they don’t offer assistance, maybe they might know who does? Wish I could be of more help. You are in my heart (((you)))

  145.  #145Emerson on October 18, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    AmazingMe RN I’m so sorry! (((big hugs)))

  146.  #146Emerson on October 18, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    My mom had cancer too and she survived. That was 17 years ago and she is still with us.

  147.  #147MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    The quiet here is intense!

  148.  #148R.N.AmazingMe on October 18, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Thanks all who commented yes I am on websites and more websites looking and applying for help!

  149.  #149MissStix on October 18, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    G called me back like he said he would. We had another nice convo, and he said he’d call back yet again before bed (usually he’s asleep by 830-9) but he hasn’t. This feels totally smooth cool calm and ok with me. I can envision him passed out snoring with the tv on at this point lol And we spoke plenty already. In fact, when he said he’d call before bed I giggled and thought 3 calls was a little much 🙂 It does feel kind of solid and satisfying to let him miss me a little. He even made a little attempt to get me to formally invite him over tomorrow, but when I didn’t bite, saying “mmm nope no plans for tomorrow yet!”, he just invited himself. Which made me giggle and feel chased. mmm

  150.  #150Lucy on October 18, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    RN Amazing Me – I had ovarian cancer 3 years ago. My tumor was the size of a volleyball. They took out both ovaries, uterus, and omentum, and biopsied tissue throughout my abdomen. They were sure enough that they got it all that they did not want me to have chemo or radiation or anything. Mine was a very rare type – granulosa cell carcinoma. Do you know what type hers is? Love and hugs!

  151.  #151Lucy on October 18, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    As far as the cost of treatment – has she applied for government medical assistance?

  152.  #152R.N.AmazingMe on October 18, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Hey Lucy I am not sure what type the ovarian cancer is …i didnt even know they had types but her oncologist is supposed to be really good and he says she needs chemo..just scary when financially u cannot afford such treatment!

  153.  #153Tereana on October 18, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    “Qualities of a soul-based relationship include being unconditionally loving, accepting, open to learning, harmonious, trusting, understanding, patient and empowering. Is this the kind of relationship you want?”

    Why yes. Yes it is… 🙂

    Thank you!

  154.  #154Emerson on October 18, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Well well well… TextCD emerged with a text after a month of no word from him. Yawn.

  155.  #155Tereana on October 18, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    RN Amazing –

    I had friends in the area, not too long ago, and it was a couple – no ovarian cancer, but the guy apparently had a tumor in his testicle, I think. Or something like that. Basically, they had to remove it, and before that they had to freeze his sperm so that at some point they could have kids. And, as I recall, the woman sent out a message to all their friends, asking for support, because he/they had no health insurance and had to pay for it all themselves. I think it took a lot of vulnerability and bravery for them to do that, and even though I had no money at the time at all, and couldn’t offer financial support, I at least wrote them back and told them how amazing I thought their letter was. In the end, I don’t know what they were able to raise, financially, but I guess the procedure went well, and he is fine, and they eventually moved out of the state (to somewhere very lovely!:)

    So, it doesn’t have to be a letter. But maybe a party/fundraiser for your mom? Have someone help you organize it, so you don’t do it all yourself, but you can host it, and let people know beforehand, and then at the event, they can donate as much as they want to a fund you set up to help pay for your mom’s treatment program. That’s one idea.

    And also maybe check with the hospital. Sometimes you just have to ask, but they might have a special discount program for patients who are not covered by insurance. You might feel scared to do this, but if nothing else, they can probably work out a payment plan so that you don’t just end up getting hit with huge-looking bills.

    Don’t know if any of that was helpful or not. But I can certainly understand why you are feeling scared, angry and anxious right now. ((hugs))

  156.  #156Tereana on October 18, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    I feel much stronger and “in control” when I speak my truth.

    I feel less in control when I “try” to control what’s happening….

  157.  #157Tereana on October 18, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    11:22 already? How did that happen???

    Facebook…I’m too tired..zzzz

    good night!

  158.  #158Silver Moonbeam on October 18, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    Sirens please I need some help with these men on the dating sites. I find a lot of them send you a “flirt” or a “Hi, how are you?” or “Do you wanna chat?” and I just don’t know how to respond in a RR way.

    Well with the “Hi how are you?” ones I usually say something like “I feel fabulous” or “I’m feeling great” but with the others I don’t know where to go.

    I don’t want to do “chats” that descend into nothingness where the man sends you a you know what pic or starts talking dirty. I am honestly lost sometimes with this whole internet dating thing, it seems like they are not messaging YOU personally just sending out blanket messages hoping to get one catch.

    How do you Sirens handle this kind of message? I am 59 and messaging/texting is not really something I am into and I sometimes feel lost.

    BTW CD J who was supposed to meet me last Sunday and didn’t get back to me, when he sent his “Sorry about all this, my loved ones surprised me” well I didn’t reply as per advise on here and I have never heard another word and wouldn’t you know he is the CD I am most interested in. Bah humbug. 🙁

  159.  #159Emerson on October 19, 2012 at 12:00 am

    158 wow silvermoon I’m so impressed by your Internet dating because it’s not easy! I think you are doing great ! I feel that when I don’t know how to respond…I wait…and really sink into my feelings and then express that… Even if it’s “I feel grouchy ” it’s authentic and men usually try to help cheer me up…

  160.  #160Emerson on October 19, 2012 at 12:05 am

    Regarding the guy who didn’t get back to you… Just keep leaning back and perhaps he will try again and perhaps not….either way you remain a siren and it’s good practice and you will meet more men…

  161.  #161R.N.AmazingMe on October 19, 2012 at 12:07 am

    Thanks Tereana that is what I am working on actually trying to do a benefit.

  162.  #162Emerson on October 19, 2012 at 12:12 am

    Rn amazing I hope you are still able to take time for yourself and take care of you. How is your job?

  163.  #163Heart on October 19, 2012 at 12:54 am

    Siren Angel & Tam….thank for the advice ….I felt soothed by your words. Thank you both for keeping me on my horse.

    SA – no…I haven’t been practicing any heart-opening tools…Wow. I will practice more on cds. I guess my heart was closing towards him. I feel grateful that you pointed it out.

    Tam – Good point…”if you can not feel invested” ….ha. I’m invested.. Yes….I care about the outcome. You stated that beautifully.

    As for now, leaning back & focusing on me.
    I’m going to try to go a week and not mention CudG at all while I post on the blog.

  164.  #164Silver Moonbeam on October 19, 2012 at 12:57 am

    When they say “Do you want to chat?” I feel like saying “What about?” 🙂

  165.  #165Annie on October 19, 2012 at 1:46 am

    112: Siren Ange says:

    “They called me a bully last weekend when he was alone with them.

    He told me he said to the kids ‘hey, that’s not true and not respectful’.”

    It’s their truth.
    They feel bullied.

    Not easy. hugs.

  166.  #166Annie on October 19, 2012 at 2:00 am

    jean says “#2 that he will not allow/listen/accept any negative talk about you. ”

    I feel triggered.
    I want everyone to be allowed to speak their truth, children aswell as adults
    This feels bad to me.
    I want children to have a voice.
    I feel sad for all those children who have been told to not say negative things about adults. Punished until they apologies and retract.
    I feel sad for the women who as a child was put in isolation until she apologized and retracted for saying Jimmy Saville abused her and for many others like her.

  167.  #167Annie on October 19, 2012 at 2:16 am

    It feels odd.weird to me Siren angel and makes no sense that a man who is a Psychologist does not want to sit down altogether and sort this conflict out between you him and the children

    I do not get it.
    It is normal to have conflict.
    It’s how you resolve it that matters.
    In what way to they feel bullied?
    In what way do you feel bullied?

    I would want to sit down when everyone was calm and listen to what everyone wanted and come to a resolution.

    What sort of psychologist is he?
    Is that his job?
    Or do you mean he has studied psychology?

  168.  #168Silver Moonbeam on October 19, 2012 at 2:26 am

    #167 Annie

    My gf is a psychologist and she asks my advise!! When I say but you are the expert she always says “Yes I can do this with other people, but not myself.”

  169.  #169Silver Moonbeam on October 19, 2012 at 2:27 am

    p.s. I am behind on the blog and haven’t started reading the posts from the top…………

  170.  #170April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 2:35 am

    I feel so shaken and feel like screaming

    I can’t stop shaking.

    I got an e-mail from WM. Work related.

    It is so impersonal, and there are no kisses at the end.

    Just like the e-mails he sent his wife after he left her.

    To me it looks like he spends years in a relationship with his resentment building up. But only leaves when he finds someone else to place his affections on.

    Are all men like this?

    What does it mean?

  171.  #171Tam on October 19, 2012 at 2:52 am

    Heart, I knew you’d stay on your horse…
    anyone know any heart opening tools?
    Not sure I do.

  172.  #172April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 2:57 am

    Heart, Tam,

    For me, I was often aware that my heart was not open, and I couldn’t ‘make’ it open.

    The opening came more from committing to my deep feminine nature, and from practising any of the tools I remembered.

  173.  #173Tam on October 19, 2012 at 3:02 am

    FW, funny about men sniffing around… 😉
    Last nights was going to mark his territory already!

  174.  #174Tam on October 19, 2012 at 3:02 am

    ((((April Rose))))

  175.  #175Tam on October 19, 2012 at 3:08 am

    I have been here three weeks. Sigh.

  176.  #176April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 3:25 am

    I am calming down.

    I will not abandon myself.

    The urge to lean forward somehow is strong.

    I want to stay with myself and not get into his head.

    There are so many loving men in the world.

    I do not need to cling to the thought that I must have WM.

    Aaaaargh, tears and rage coming now…..

  177.  #177April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 3:27 am


    Why do I need to shout this so fucking loudly?

    Because I don’t believe it.

  178.  #178MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 3:29 am

    I do believe that men are less likely to just up and leave an unhappy relationship. Not all to be sure. But a lot. They will stick it around a long time and say nothing. Just like we “stuffers” or ex-stuffers, do and have done. I see this story over and over…An unhappy man just sticking around where he is because he’d rather not be alone, and in many ways does not want to lose her, but will turn away easily to another woman. I also believe this is (in a very short version) what happened with my ex.
    Except, we were both in on it. I was a stuffer and he just never wanted to make waves. We were both highly easy going. We never had a true “fight” until very near the end. Any of our tumultuous moments before that had just been a lot of tears and hanging onto each other (literally, physically)for dear life because we didn’t know what to do. Very deep, strong, close, intimate, no secrets kind of connection. First love. Bbeing totally honest and open about it…We pushed each other away with equal and opposite force.

    Went down a rabbit hole on this one…

  179.  #179MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 3:34 am

    It feels very solid for me, right now, and self assured, to say this…That even though he had an affair, I had my equal role. I played the role of unlovable and so that was the reality I received.

  180.  #180MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 3:37 am

    I also played the role of mother. And I played “i’ll do anything, anytime no matter what just ask” very well. I also received those realities.

    This is eye opening…

  181.  #181Siren Angel on October 19, 2012 at 3:39 am

    Thsy did not feel bullied 2 months ago when they saw me last – with a new custody trial and psychologist report coming up it is clear the mom is playing this up. Kids drop the subject after so long.
    We were all bullied by 11 yr old in fact.

  182.  #182Tam on October 19, 2012 at 3:41 am

    I will tell InstantRelationship-man that I am not going to see him again. He was attractive and sexy but we didn’t have great communication and he was already grabbing hand and kissing me and demanding I don’t meet others. He said he is looking for someone for the rest of his life and marriage and I believe him….but I can’t actually commit to a guy I met only once. Too much pressure.
    It’s a red flag for me.

    I am meeting EnglishCD tonight and hoping to have the guts to speak my truth to him and tell him that I want to be friends first, and maybe that is all that I can give him. I feel stressed about having to turn guys away, it’s so difficult for me, I do not want to disappoint anyone, but I don’t want to be insincere and lead them on either.

    I feel sad.

  183.  #183April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 3:44 am

    I’ve been living with a man, WM for four years, after he left his previous partner (his wife)
    When he left her she turned up at our work.

    He shouted at her to fuck off.

    His affections were with me, and he cut her off totally. His decision felt final, unshakeable, cold. He told me later it was because of guilt.

    Now I am experiencing it firsthand.
    I am the one cut off. Emotionally he has turned himself completely away. Last weekend I witnessed his affections transfer to another lady and it was so clear. Like he flicked a switch.
    After four years of us together.
    The last three he simmered with resentment but did not leave.

    I undermined him constantly, he told me yesterday, and he felt too weak to assert himself. So he withdrew into his work.

    But he stayed committed to the relationship!! It felt so unfulfilling to us both, but he stayed!

    I did not feel cherished or adored for the last three years. I finally began to date others. He got very angry, but said he was not about to up his game.

    Then last weekend he met someone and is going away with her tomorrow.

    I feel so cheated of the last three years.

    Why don’t they leave us if they’re not into us?

  184.  #184Tam on October 19, 2012 at 3:45 am

    I realise this is where my work is..it is not in attracting men or having them step up, or having them make a second/third etc date – I have never actually been rejected by anyone I dated like this, the men always want more. It makes me think men are not as ‘picky’ as we are.
    I feel confident that my dating skills are ok, but my ‘speaking my truth’ skills are what I worry about.
    I still want to please.
    The other thing that is making me sad is that all these guys are ‘on my case’ just one isn’t.
    How bizarre.

  185.  #185MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 3:49 am


    Not always easy…

    One CD I ended things with took it hard. But he was sweet about it. He said he couldn’t be just my friend. He did reach out some time later and add me on FB. He’s a nice guy. I felt sad about that.

  186.  #186Annie on October 19, 2012 at 3:52 am

    180: Siren Angelsays:

    Thsy did not feel bullied 2 months ago when they saw me last – with a new custody trial and psychologist report coming up it is clear the mom is playing this up. Kids drop the subject after so long.
    We were all bullied by 11 yr old in fact.
    Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    !They called me a bully last weekend when he was alone with them.

    He told me he said to the kids ‘hey, that’s not true and not respectful’.”

    I was responding to the words you wrote which you stated they said they called you a bully, hence felt bullied last weekend.

    You felt what you felt bullied.
    They felt what they felt.
    It is what it is.

  187.  #187Tam on October 19, 2012 at 4:00 am

    Miss Stix, thank you.
    Actually, the CDing is just rubbing salt into my wound, if I am totally honest.
    It is stressing me out.
    I have a hard time finding men I am on a wavelength with and although I can see it as practice….what am I practicing, because in fact, I have no problem attracting men on dates or for dates. They are all over me. And it just makes me more sad.
    I don’t know.
    I am not over everything that happened at the beginning of the year, clearly, and the CDing just makes me long for something/someone else.
    It feels frustrating.
    I am with these guys and want to be somewhere else..my mind drifts..when they kiss me I feel nothing, or I am repulsed. The more I do it the worse it feels.

  188.  #188Tam on October 19, 2012 at 4:03 am

    The strange thing is, I was able to do it before, I even had sex with one or two last year and it was great and fun and everything else. Since the stuff happened at the beginning of this year, and me working on my issues and my emotional unavailability, I just can’t do it anymore….wow. It makes me think I was better off before, numb, having fun, nothing sticking to me….look at me now.
    I feel like a mess.

  189.  #189Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:05 am

    Although going deeper is bullying a feeling?

    I feel curious is bullying a feeling?

    What is the feeling.

    I feel curious what did these children or child really feel.
    What did you really feel?

    I feel triggered to explore.

    For me I have felt unheard and controlled put down dismissed abused and threatened, powerless when I have called someone a bully.

  190.  #190Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:07 am

    How does an II yr old bully an adult?

    I feel confused?

  191.  #191Tam on October 19, 2012 at 4:10 am

    I guess kids just want to be number 1 in their fathers life and they feel insecure after a divorce and acting up is perhaps, depending on the child’s character, to be expected.
    It’s not easy.

  192.  #192Tam on October 19, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Adults should guide, not judge the children…with boundaries and love. And not make them responsible for adult relationships or failure/success in adult relationships. That’s my 2 cents.

  193.  #193Siren Angel on October 19, 2012 at 4:21 am

    That is not the point.
    If course they want to be number 1. So do MY kids.

  194.  #194Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:25 am

    And Like I said before.
    Siren Angel.

    It feels odd, weird and makes no sense that a man who is a Psychologist does not want to sit down altogether and sort this conflict out between you him and the children

    I do not get it.
    It is normal to have conflict.
    It’s how you resolve it that matters.
    In what way to they feel bullied?
    In what way do you feel bullied?

    I would want to sit down when everyone was calm and listen to what everyone wanted and come to a resolution.

    What sort of psychologist is he?
    Is that his job?
    Or do you mean he has studied psychology?

    What resolution do you want?

  195.  #195Siren Angel on October 19, 2012 at 4:27 am

    I am not going to get into this with you because you can go back and read on the blog.
    When he offers money to the smaller kids if they get hurt in one of his dangerous games, but they can’t tell an adult?
    When he scares me with a hammer story that he threw at his moms back?
    When he throws rocks at people down a cliff, repeatedly when he was told, and explained why, 3 times?
    And there are too many examples to write all here?

    Do you need a definition of bullying?

    I admire your position and I feel sorry for you.

    You always bring it back to child molesters/rapists.

    I protect children passionately too.
    Not only on bullying.
    If you only knew…
    I feel offended.

  196.  #196Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:39 am

    193: Siren says:

    I am not going to get into this with you because you can go back and read on the blog.

    Wow, okey dokey,
    I feel shocked.

    “When he offers money to the smaller kids if they get hurt in one of his dangerous games, but they can’t tell an adult?
    When he scares me with a hammer story that he threw at his moms back?
    When he throws rocks at people down a cliff, repeatedly when he was told, and explained why, 3 times?
    And there are too many examples to write all here?

    Do you need a definition of bullying?”

    No I did not ask for a definition.
    I asked in what way so thank you for explaining how you thought you were bullied.
    I would feel intimidated in those circumstances.
    Is that how you felt?

    “I admire your position and I feel sorry for you.”
    I feel unsure how to take that.
    I do not want anyone to ever feel sorry for me.
    I feel confused at what you feel sorry for me about.
    What do feel sorry for me about?

    “You always bring it back to child molesters/rapists.2
    something for me to look at perhaps I do.

    “I protect children passionately too.
    Not only on bullying.
    If you only knew…
    I feel offended.”

    What do you feel offended about?

    What sort of psychologist is he?
    Is that his job?
    Or do you mean he has studied psychology?

    What resolution do you want?

  197.  #197LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 4:39 am

    Good morning sirens:

    Thank you Annie, Goddess Lily, Iamabutterfly, Calypso, FW, Daria, April Rose, Tam, MissStix and every other siren for the hugs and support yesterday. I was not in a good place and I was traveling pretty much alone in tears all day long. I love you ladies for being there for me yesterday – I was not alone because of you and I was strengthened by your soothing sweet words. I made it through that horrible horrible experience.


  198.  #198LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 4:43 am

    I felt strong packing all of his things up neatly
    then I felt numb going through the motions of getting ready for bed – the siren in me was worn out and only wanted something soft on my skin to sleep.
    I felt dizzy trying to sleep because there was that pain rumbling under the numbness, but I slept and it felt good to be in my bed with my face buried in the mattress sleeping.

    This morning I felt a new pain flower up through the numbness . . . it was a new feeling that reminded me I have no control over this situation but to hold my boundaries
    and through the tears and heart wrenching pain

  199.  #199Tam on October 19, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Annie, I don’t feel sorry for you.
    I believe 192 are wise words, and make a lot of sense. Especially the conflict resolution bit.
    It also strikes home.

  200.  #200Tam on October 19, 2012 at 4:46 am

    Love Always, there is a very strong vibe coming from you. ((((LA))))

  201.  #201Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:50 am

    Siren Angel.

    “When he throws rocks at people down a cliff, repeatedly when he was told, and explained why, 3 times?”

    I feel confused why a child would be told something three times.
    If this is a boundary and something that an adult doesn’t want.
    It feels better to me to state my boundary once and let them know the consequence of what action will happen if they cross that boundary again so they know what I will not tolerate and where they stand with me and follow through.

  202.  #202Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:51 am

    Ty Tam. re 192.

  203.  #203Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:53 am

    I hope you are feeling in a better place today Love Always.

  204.  #204LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 4:55 am

    I deserve to be treated with respect and adoration
    I don’t want to be a man’s option
    I want to smile as often as possible
    I want to be peaceful in my daily existence
    I want to share love with someone who has time to be with me to share that love

    Time together, that’s an important boundary for me

    I’m trying not to whine, but HScd and I spent time together, and trouble came when we stopped doing that. I was too happy and preoccupied in playing in my meadow to see that something was brewing in his life

    I feel stupid for not realizing this sooner, but there is not much I could have done because it is never for me to control or manipulate his situation, only my own.

    And now here I am having pushed myself out of his life. . . Yes, sirens, I caused the flow of tears and pain by pushing myself out of his way so he could deal with his ex clawing her way under his skin, digging into his mind and clutching hold of his heart.

    She has been wrestling away his time and I wasn’t sure what was happening.

    He looked at me like “why doesn’t she fight for me?”

    But I would be fighting both him and her and that is just not this siren’s way.


    How can it be all about me if I concern myself with him and his ex and what they are or are not doing???

    That doesn’t work for LoveAlways in any kind of way

    So I pushed myself away from him to let him be consumed by this woman and her masculine ways

    I feel like such a punk

    but I feel deep in heart I did good for me

  205.  #205Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Siren Angel.
    I wish you well in coming to an amicable and happy resolution and in doing what is best for you.

  206.  #206LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 4:58 am

    Hi Tam & Annie

    I am not crying as much, so that’s a good thing

    I don’t feel the pain of having to look at him, I cried every time I looked in his direction

    But I am grounded, so yes, I think I’m better today – thank you again so much for being there! I was clutching my phone blogging on siren island for dear dear life and sanity yesterday and you all responded with kindness and hugs . . . it really really helped me

  207.  #207Annie on October 19, 2012 at 4:59 am

    You Rock Love always.

    And I feel admiration for you making space for a better masculine energy man who wants what you want to enter your life.

  208.  #208Siren Angel on October 19, 2012 at 5:02 am

    He was throwing rocks down a sizeable cliff. There was a beach at the bottom with people on it (including children). His father told him not to throw rocks at people down the cliff, then he was warned by a park guard, then again by his father. He kept doing it.
    There are never any consequences because the father is afraid the kids will turn against him.

  209.  #209LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:03 am

    I feel like staying in bed today

    I feel like crying to heal and the tears come often

    I feel cleansed by the tears smearing my face and blinding my sight

    I’ll keep the lights off anyways

    I feel the tears coming from the middle of my chest even though they well up in my eyes

    I have no thoughts or visions of him in my mind, just tears

    I feel the tears are taking over my head and my chest and my breathing feels tight

    I feel like I need to hide away today because these I am in my must vulnerable state crying like this and I so tired of being vulnerable where other people can manipulate me

  210.  #210LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:05 am

    I feel if I just open up and cry that I won’t get depressed

    I won’t cover my feelings with thoughts and just give into despair

    I feel like feeling it all even though it gives me a headache

    And I can’t think because each thought brings a new feeling that increases my headache

    All I can do it feel and cry

  211.  #211LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:07 am

    Forgive me blog, I’m normally positive and try not go trigger anybody or bring them down with my sorrows, but I need to do this for now 🙁 …..

  212.  #212LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Wow, I’m not thinking of him, I’m just crying from all that I feel, and I feel so much

    I feel joy that I am not clingy
    I feel sad that I am alone
    I feel relaxed to be home in my bed
    I feel soothed and I am experiencing all of these feelings rather than the pain of them bottled up and swelling inside of me

  213.  #213Tam on October 19, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Love Always, let it all out!!

  214.  #214LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:11 am

    Yes Annie, I agree
    I like what you said about a better masculine energy
    that would feel really good to me
    it feels good to me thinking of this way
    that thought feels good 🙂

  215.  #215LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:14 am

    I am slowly getting back into my siren ways
    I’ve had no appetite and have not been eating at all, but I do take a moment to nibble on something nourishing because I know my body needs it and I noticed I picked good healthy foods to nibble on to heal my body while I try to heal my heart

    I don’t know what to do with my mind just yet
    don’t want to touch that right now

  216.  #216Annie on October 19, 2012 at 5:15 am

    “There are never any consequences because the father is afraid the kids will turn against him.”

    I would feel unsafe with a man like that.
    And I would feel concerned about my children’s safety too. I believe children need boundaries to feel safe and cared about.

    What do you think?

  217.  #217LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Tam, I’m going to to just that
    all day long
    but I feel that won’t be long enough
    at least it’s the weekend

  218.  #218LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:17 am

    And I feel love in this soup of emotions too, that is still there, but I feel love, I’m not thinking love

  219.  #219Tam on October 19, 2012 at 5:17 am

    we are here for you LoveAlways 🙂
    all around the world, in all the different time zones.
    we’ll look after you and make you virtual cups of hot cocoa and stroke your head.
    you will be ok.

  220.  #220LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Wow, this feels different, feeling love and feeling the pain at the same time, feels soothing in a weird way

  221.  #221LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:18 am

    I feel a headache again

  222.  #222Tam on October 19, 2012 at 5:18 am

    oooh something you said resonates. When I stop thinking, I feel love also. Even just in vibes coming from people that are not in my life. Strange, that.

  223.  #223Annie on October 19, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Hugs Love always.
    I feel lighter if when I cry I put my hand over my heart and feel the heartbreak and cry until I feel in a better place.
    I believe when we cry from this place ans accept we have no control over others unloving actions towards us we are then on the way to healing and becoming a surviver
    Rather than crying from a place of blame and staying as a victim

    The tears are different.

  224.  #224LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:24 am

    Thanks Tam & Annie

    (the cocoa is really good)

    Feeling too much of headache, so I’m going to close my eyes for a while.

    Much love to my world wide sisters who give the best hugs and make awesome virtual cocoa

    I feel smiley through my head thumping tears!


  225.  #225Tam on October 19, 2012 at 5:29 am

    221 Annie, I love that.
    I have been crying a lot but I feel these tears are mostly tears of frustration, feeling abandoned and rejected.
    Perhaps I can allow myself to cry little tears of heartbreak every now and then also…that would feel good.

  226.  #226LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:40 am


    I am not a punk
    Feminine energy does not compete for fight for a man
    He is drawn to feminine energy
    So I can’t fight or compete, I can only lean back and hold my boundaries

    Thumping head and crying, I need to get off of this computer LOL

  227.  #227Siren Angel on October 19, 2012 at 6:09 am


    Thank you for the well wishes.

    You are right, it is getting old, and I feel exhausted on this subject, which also happens to put me in a bad vibe and I don’t want that.

    I feel heard.

    But I can’t fix what he needs to grow and learn and then fix. That’s his job.

  228.  #228Tam on October 19, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Oh, I don’t feel so bad anymore, I just saw that CDEnglish booked a trip to see his Ex Wife run a marathon. Phew. I feel off the hook, because even if I was really into him, I would now step back a little….

  229.  #229Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Tam – leaning back never fails.

  230.  #230Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 6:37 am

    LoveAlways put your hand on your head and send some love to yourself. Talk to your head like talking to a frozen part.

  231.  #231Tam on October 19, 2012 at 6:55 am

    227 FW, yes, very true. Well, I don’t just feel like leaning back, I feel like getting off the CD train altogether right now.
    It’s all too fast for me. All to much like ‘shopping’.
    I feel worse after having bought all this cr*p that I don’t want and don’t need.
    Need to remind myself that I get to decide what’s good for me. I feel stuck in a rut.
    I have the choice of going for a meal with two couples on Saturday night, or CDing someone else.
    It felt like he was a serious guy, then he sends me a picture ‘oh this is my most recent pic), of himself in one of those fashionable hats with something that looks like drool (liquid, an alcoholic drink) all over his shirt and mouth wide open (singing, screaming, being drunk).
    I feel sooooo turned off.
    I remember also, comically, that I once went walking with MrP and he pointed out a guy with a hat like that on the street and said ‘tell me, would you ever date someone like this?’ And I said ‘no, never’, and he said: ‘that’s good because you would never see me wearing a hat like that’.
    Pfff. Seems now I am dating guys with hats like that and it feels sh**.
    It’s just a metaphor, really, for ‘fashionable, yuppie and silly’. Well, it is what it is.

  232.  #232Tam on October 19, 2012 at 6:56 am

    I am the yummy pie…even guys with ‘hats like that’ want to date me and I never thought I was ‘their type’. Ditto with surfer dudes, Latino men etc.
    Yes, yes. I am the prize bla bla.

  233.  #233Tam on October 19, 2012 at 6:58 am

    I am not being sarcastic, just a little 😉

  234.  #234Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 6:59 am


  235.  #235Tam on October 19, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Thanks for the hug, FW 🙂

  236.  #236Calypso on October 19, 2012 at 7:00 am

    Tam – you sound just like me a couple of months ago! I was so sick of the guys on POF that i seriously thought about dropping off and never dating again – I was disgusted with myself and every i met – and then there was JC – so completely unexpected and everything I need him to be. 2 months later we have both dropped off POF because we “found our fish” and we laugh that we should apply to do one of their commercials. Keep going – he’s out there.

  237.  #237Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Tam sometimes life just feels like it lifts us up and shake us around, then leaves us dizzy

  238.  #238Tam on October 19, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Calypso..thank you for spreading hope!! 🙂
    I am sure someone is out there. But maybe even if he was to find me now, I am not in the right frame of mind…I suspect.
    I have more work to do and it’s not necessarily dating – work on me. Work on getting unstuck and moving myself along.
    It may just take longer than expected. That’s ok.
    Rome wasn’t built in a day and I have been single for 5 years, with a little 6 month relationship. There is no rush.
    But trying to numb pain by CDing is not working for me.

  239.  #239Tam on October 19, 2012 at 7:07 am

    The irony of it all is that one of my friends (in his 50’s), who just split up with his wife, sees me as some kind of inspiration and has been writing to me ‘oh you are so positive and inspiring etc’.
    It’s ironic. I seem to be able to do it for others just not me?

  240.  #240Tam on October 19, 2012 at 7:07 am

    235 – FW, yes dizzy…hehe. I would like to get off the 2012 rollercoaster year. Just for a while 🙂

  241.  #241April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 7:12 am

    Love Always,

    It feels so good to hear you say that deep in your heart you have done right by yourself.

    You did not abandon yourself. You felt your feelings, and continue to do so.

    I want to paste a phrase of yours that connected right with me, where I am

    and through the tears and heart wrenching pain

    I am right there, too.

    Sending you so much Love.

  242.  #242Tam on October 19, 2012 at 7:14 am

    April Rose, I am with you both on this:

    and through the tears and heart wrenching pain

    It hurts short term maybe but there are long term benefits. I am sure of that.

  243.  #243bloom-ing on October 19, 2012 at 7:53 am

    feeling happy & safe…. started reading Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver and her paragraphs are giving me butterflies in my tummy…. i love her sentence variation & the cadence EEEEEEEEK i was literally crying yesterday sitting reading just for the excitement of how much i’m enjoying it already & also because i know she’s written a lot so i have lots of books ahead of me : ))) hehehehe : ) & i have a bunch of new tom robbins books…. ok yay !

    & i’m feeling smile-y & secretive & fun fun boppy girl

    & yayyyyyyy gentleness come wrap me up

    & then also HOORAH i feel spoiled to hear cd offer to go out & get me take-out to celebrate (even though it doesn’t make any logic “sense” since i’ll be out & otherwise he’d be home…) because that’s what i want but he doesn’t want me to pay or do labor for my own celebration : ) hehe hugs, man ! thank you ! ooooh yummy thank you thank you baby

  244.  #244Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 7:55 am

    bloom-ing I love it when you write about books you read. Through your inspiring me I am now finishing up Wuthering Heights. What a rollercoaster of emotion it evokes.

  245.  #245bloom-ing on October 19, 2012 at 7:58 am

    yesterday, i made a loud scratch-y noise on the record player because i’m clumsy & not good at doing it yet & cd came up later & said, the record player makes horrible noises when you operate it. LOL i felt so offended ! but really, i know it’s because i’m actually doing it “wrong” so i do actually take responsibility for that. i said, “i asked you to give me a lesson & you said no” & he said, “why don’t you google some tips” & again i felt offended, but then he said, “i bet it would feel more neutral to you – i sometimes have trouble giving people instructions without coming across as overbearing – & i bet i will learn something too if you do a little research” aww i feel smile-y : ))) & then i feel smile-y also hearing him ask me to make a list of places i might like to live & telling his friend “we” are looking around…. hehe… ok go do work, baby girl. almost done : )))) !

  246.  #246bloom-ing on October 19, 2012 at 8:10 am

    siren angel, if i were you, i think i might tell him “honey, i feel really bad hearing that the kids are complaining about me… i feel helpless & powerless to do anything hearing that through a third party, especially since i’m not interacting with the kids… to me it feels like gossiping or bullying & i just don’t want to feel that way about children that i love…. i would feel better not hearing specific things said about me when i’m not around, & i would feel better just assuming that if you ever heard something like that, you would deal with it… thank you, baby” what do you think? not sure if that’s what you would feel, just offering my “angle”…. my “perspective”. i’m sorry if it feels intrusive or not applicable to your situation. thank you

  247.  #247bloom-ing on October 19, 2012 at 8:11 am

    awww, femininewoman, i do love that book….. ooh & reading it in this “transition” weather is so good & “wuther”-y : ))))) hehe YUM those bronte sisters must have had at least a little fun together telling stories & playing pretend out on the moors…. : )

  248.  #248Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 8:18 am

    bloom-ing I love the FM to Siren Angel

  249.  #249Megan on October 19, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Tereana and Miss Stix,

    just wanted to say thank you for all the support.

    Tereana I esp liked what you said about open possibilities and how he may be thinking of me 🙂

    wow this blog moves so quickly, hope you see this!


  250.  #250Starla on October 19, 2012 at 8:37 am

    You know, I am still just stuck on CF. I am in love with him. I feel hopeless to stop. I don’t feel angry at myself for it. But I do feel like I’m “not supposed to” want him.

    My instincts tell me to track him down and make him talk to me, and to tell him how I feel. What would I have to lose?

    But my ‘common sense’ stops me.

    For now I will just keep on living the best life I possibly can.

    I’m not ready for a relationship right now, even with CF.

    I’m too busy being in love with myself for the time being.

  251.  #251Tam on October 19, 2012 at 8:40 am


  252.  #252Silver Moonbeam on October 19, 2012 at 8:42 am

    ((( Starla )))

  253.  #253Daria on October 19, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Weird my friend met these guys that lived in my housing complex for 12 years and I never met them. Went to my hs too.

  254.  #254Silver Moonbeam on October 19, 2012 at 9:17 am

    #142 ( RN AmazingMe)

    I’m so sorry I have no idea of where you could turn for help as I don’t live over there, but know people are thinking of you and your family. xxx

  255.  #255Silver Moonbeam on October 19, 2012 at 9:27 am

    #143 Linda

    I think we are somewhat on the same page so to speak. 😉

  256.  #256Annie on October 19, 2012 at 9:31 am

    246. Blooming.

    I believe if someone is complaining it is because there was no resaloution.
    And it becomes a moment frozen in time STUCK!

    And will bet my bottom dollar the universe will send this back again. Rinse and repeat until it gets resolved.
    And denying, ignoring not wanting to hear, or avoiding conflict will not ever resolve anything.

    As adults we are 100% responsible for our feelings and taking adult loving care of them.
    Children on the other hand need a loving adults help to manage and take care of their feelings.
    They are not able to do this by themselves and it is our job as parents to guide them.

  257.  #257Belle on October 19, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I feel cranky cranky cranky CRANKY.
    So pist that I don’t know how I got here (Ohh, but I do!) surrounded by flaky people making flaky last minute plans and
    a friend just invited me to go out tonight because someone else cancelled
    which I feel pist about
    and laughing, hypocritical about because I went to his place when my date stood me up last week. He’s a real friend,
    I’m just feeling butthurt over idk what.
    i don’t even want to feel any different right now.
    I WANT to feel cranky!
    I WANT to feel difficult and crankypants whinybaby
    which is making me laugh
    Dammit! I’m trying to work up a tantrum here!

    More and more I’m seeing the stories that run my life
    “Scared I’ll get hurt” – physically
    You never know when someone you trust will flip out on you and beat you in a vulnerable moment (tears)
    You never know when someone will walk out on you unexpectedly just when you think things are going good
    (got wayyyy blindsided when I left Seattle by housemates I invited to live with us who turned around and decided they didn’t want ME there just as I was starting to feel trust and stable)

    More and more often I catch these trains of thought and turn them around:

    “You never know when someone you trust will delight and surprise you with something beautiful”

    “You never know when someone will step up and go even deeper when things start to seem really good”

    I still feel kind of sick about agreeing to go out tonight. Maybe it’s just not something I really want to do, I just don’t want to be lame and sit home alone. It “seems” like a “cool” thing to do, but this isn’t exactly my thing.

    Under this is some sadness, feeling abandoned by a friend who ‘followed her bliss’, left the state and went way down the rabbit hole and can’t be arsed to keep in touch or return phone calls or messages.

    It’s about her 6-month mark with this most recent guy which is when things will probably fall apart and she’ll be available to talk again but I don’t need to set myself up for this again, she is who she is and I am who I am and I’m the steadfast, loyal type and I need stability and ongoing communication and she is the chaotic, flighty, performer type and this is my life, not the movie Beaches 😀

    I feel frustrated (I am creating my frustration! ha!) that sobriety and a strong desire for a better way of living didn’t magically change everyone around me. I thought everything that ever went wonky and wrong in the whole history of the universe was my fault and if I would just change so would everything else, because of course people forgot about things and were flakey and screwed up because *I* was screwed up…

    The stories here are
    people are flakey, and they don’t respect me or my time.
    People do not value me
    Other people are cooler than me

    the friend that wants to go out tonight is a zero on the romantic prospect scale. I have no mixed feelings, I feel very clear, not now not ever just not gonna happen with him, evah. He’s not interested in me that way, either.
    if I choose to go out with him tonight at the last minute, am I selling myself out?? Am I settling for less than I want?
    Am I mixing up my expectations of a partner with those of a friend?
    Should I expect less from my friends than I would from a partner??
    sink in
    I don’t want to feel confused I want to be clear
    Clarity says.
    Go, you’ll have a good time.
    Okay. I’ll accept this and let it be true.
    F*ck NV’s and doubts and blah blahs

    Those are just remnants of my childhood in a chaotic, alcoholic environment feeling flustered at at something unexpected and unplanned.
    Can I give myself permission to feel good about this? Love and bless this choice? No regrets? Allow it to be a wonderful time? Allow myself to be surprised??!!

  258.  #258bloom-ing on October 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

    annie, i hear you & i feel the same way. as a total total outsider, i feel very ….. “clinging” & “claws-out” or something, wanting the parent to assist their children in a way that facilitates healing & good feelings….. i feel sad imagining a lady hearing those things & not having any “recourse” to interpersonal closeness & healing after harsh-feeling words like that… just feels like sort of an impossible position to be given that “information” without any way of “acting on” it….. sounds frustrating to me….. i feel a bit uncomfy to discus this with you too much, since it’s not “my business” at all or “yours” lol : )) hugs, annie

  259.  #259bloom-ing on October 19, 2012 at 9:57 am

    siren angel, i feel curious if you would feel comfortable for me to send you a personal, private message? thank you

  260.  #260bloom-ing on October 19, 2012 at 9:58 am

    haha, belle, i feel warmed & amused to read your processing. feels good to me : )) thanks for sharing : )

  261.  #261Smile on October 19, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Hi lovely sirens, just a quick visit to empy these thoughts out of my head today.
    Strummingman is off on the family holiday. Feeling a little sad. We had an amazing holiday. This time last year we were besotted and I felt amazing and on top of the world.

    I will lean back. It would NOT feel good at all to wish him a nice time.

    I got a simple happy birthday message from him on Wednesday. I replied thank you. Felt really impersonal.
    He said he wants to treat me to some new perfume as the one he last bought me ran out. These are just words. I’m not holding out it will actually materialise.

    Had a lovely few days with friends and family. No time to feel lonely.

  262.  #262Smile on October 19, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I know he will be thinking of the good times we had when he’s away. It’s full of memories.

    I am letting go

    I am letting go

    I am letting go

  263.  #263Smile on October 19, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I want deep lasting happiness not fleeting happiness.

  264.  #264Smile on October 19, 2012 at 10:22 am

    I got a month free as a birthday pressi from match if I joined… Hmm might just treat myself!!!!

  265.  #265Smile on October 19, 2012 at 10:27 am

    OMG I can believe I just wrote what I did all longing!
    I’m majorly triggered. I feel on fire with stuffed panic.
    I feel a fool!!!

    I’m sooo over him!!!

  266.  #266Tereana on October 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Men always respond to what you want. Whether you articulate it in words or not..,

  267.  #267Smile on October 19, 2012 at 10:34 am

    This has given me the kick up the bum to totally move on!!!

  268.  #268Tam on October 19, 2012 at 10:38 am

    urgh. I have had so many kicks up the bum..and yet…

  269.  #269Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Smile – Happy Belated Birthday


  270.  #270Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I just had a guy say to me, just as an example, “when you love a woman you chase her, you get close to her, then pull back. If it is love she will come looking for you”. I wonder if that is man type thinking or something from the male playbook.

  271.  #271Tam on October 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

    270 FW, I believe there are men that need a little reassurance from a woman…and leaning all the way back does perhaps not provide that.
    However, I feel that in the end, their curiosity and love will take them to contact her again….unless they are not really interested.

  272.  #272Smile on October 19, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Aw thanks FW. I feel smiley.

  273.  #273Smile on October 19, 2012 at 10:55 am

    So this is what it feels like to have let go! Wow!

    I feel free!

  274.  #274Tam on October 19, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I am going out with English CD tonight, he made an offer I couldn’t refuse, to go somewhere I always wanted to go…a bit of a drive.
    I feel fear for leading him on.
    My friends said ‘so are you dating now you are seeing this guy all the time?’ I feel pressured to talk to him…I don’t know.

  275.  #275Tam on October 19, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Why do I always think about the other person first?
    Can’t I just enjoy myself and see what happens?
    I always think ‘don’t hurt him, he is investing in you, paying for everything, taking you everywhere bla bla’…I feel mean. I feel I am leading him on when there is no chance of anything developing.

  276.  #276Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 11:20 am

    So Tam are you suggesting that he is a fool who does not know what he wants out of life and in his life?

  277.  #277Tam on October 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

    276, not at all….FW…he is a very nice man actually, a successful businessman also.
    But I don’t want to bs him by tagging along when he is wasting his time and would be better off dating others. I feel like I am using him to have a nice time when I already know he is not for me.
    I feel guilty.
    If I was attracted to him in any way I would not feel like this. I am in his company and checking out other guys…this feels bad.
    To top it all, the place we are going to is MrP territory. He never goes out. Ever. But it would be just my luck if him or one of his/our friends was there tonight.
    I feel nervous.

  278.  #278Tam on October 19, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Ah whatever. I am going to feel the fear and do it anyway.

  279.  #279April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 11:25 am

    I keep feeling waves of grief.

    And shockwaves through my chest.

    I had no idea I was so bonded to him.

  280.  #280April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 11:26 am

    I suppose we have lived together for four years.

    My Right Man Report from Carol Allen said that I am more bonded to him than he to me.


  281.  #281Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 11:33 am

    “I am in his company and checking out other guys”

    Maybe that is what “flirty girl” does. Maybe that is what communicates high degree of difficulty. Maybe that is what a real man needs so he can be competitive masculine and win the *prize*. Maybe this is what Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man is all about. Maybe this is what inspires a man to claim you.

  282.  #282Tam on October 19, 2012 at 11:34 am

    281..FW, thank you..more like acting like a man lol…but that makes me feel sooo much better.

  283.  #283Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 11:36 am

    “But I don’t want to bs him by tagging along when he is wasting his time and would be better off dating others. ” Maybe this is why guys keep their options open till they have met their “one”. Maybe this why they are always looking for their bigger and better deal. Maybe they are more committed to “wasting their time” till they find what they are looking for. Maybe they don’t know what it is until they see/feel it.

  284.  #284Tam on October 19, 2012 at 11:40 am

    FW, I feel like a man now… 🙂

  285.  #285April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Rori said to me that it wasn’t good to assert my right to flirt with other men.

    She asked me “how would you feel if he flirted in front of you?”

  286.  #286Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

    As Carol Allen says, when it comes to men and dating “your dreams have to be bigger than your disappointments”. You have to have faith and keep believing that he will find you.

  287.  #287Tam on October 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

    285 A-R, most men I have been out with have checked out other women consciously or not. Strange that I feel I somehoe don’t have the same ‘right’. I sure do!

  288.  #288Starla on October 19, 2012 at 11:59 am

    I start my Reiki training this weekend:)

    just like that *snaps* I was able to find a teacher and a place to learn and right now it’s FREE 😀

  289.  #289Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 11:59 am

    The way I think of checking out other men is my vibe is radiating “I am available”. Checking out other men for me is not necessarily eye contacting and smiling at them. It is being turned on in my body so that I am aware of a swagger, a look, or a smell around me that makes me feel turned on. For me it means being so in touch with my environment that I am not laser focussed on this one man in front of me. Until the man chooses me I choose to believe I am free.

  290.  #290Starla on October 19, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    286 thanks fw

  291.  #291Goddess Lily on October 19, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Tam, that reminds me of that ciara song, like a boy

  292.  #292Tam on October 19, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    289, love that FW. Now I am in the right vibe for tonight…your comments built me up 🙂

  293.  #293MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm


    I have been playing with turntables since I can remember and I still sometimes give it a good sqeal lol

    My best tip for you is to relax your hand and finger when lifting and lowering the stylus. Gently crook your index finger, slip it under the tab, be very gentle, smooth, and lift/lower very straight up/down. Some tables even have a mechanism that will lift and lower it for you, then you move it to where you want it. It should look like a little lever, button, or switch that says up/down. 🙂 <3

  294.  #294Starla on October 19, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    291 Goddess Lily, I love that song. “CAN’T BE GETTIN MAD, WHAT YOU MAD, CAN’T HANDLE THAT?”

  295.  #295Daria on October 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    You guys help! Im addicted to feel compassionate. For men lil boys. Ouch. They’re all over the radio. Ouch. Help. I want to respect men not cry over them Luke puppies.

  296.  #296Sassy on October 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    RN Amazing Me,

    Are you and your family in the US? Please click on my name and view my website. I may be able to provide you with some suggestions.

  297.  #297Femininewoman on October 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Jellybeans says:
    My boyfriend is a smoker. He “knows” that I want him to quit and in the beginning he was set on quitting as he could see it was a concern and displeased me. Since I have taken a more accepting role to avoid coming across as a nag, he has gone back to smoking. I want to know how to have a “feeling” based conversation about it. I know when I think of having this conversation, it makes me feel like I am rocking the boat since sharing feelings can be so uncomfortable for me and things are going so well otherwise.

    Sunday, 14 October 2012 @ 2:03am

    Rori Raye says:
    Jellybeans – This is just the beginning. You either accept it or you don’t. If it’s a dealbreaker, say so, and prepare to leave. If it’s not, then negotiate – and be prepared to give him something major in return! (You stop smoking and get sex every day, you stop smoking and I lose 10 pounds, you stop smoking and you get a back and foot rub every night before bed…) I couldn’t be with a man who smokes no matter how great he was otherwise. I wouldn’t even have started. Perhaps you can tolerate it better than I can and let him smoke, just NOT IN THE HOUSE! (very decent negotiation). Love, Rori

  298.  #298Sassy on October 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    I dunno gf, sounds like you might want to follow Starla’s idea from after CF and just stop dating for awhile until your head and heart feels clearer.

  299.  #299April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    I’m going to carry on dating although it’s the last thing I feel like doing.

    I’m going to do it to discover more about myself in a man’s presence, and with the intention of healing myself.

  300.  #300April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I’ll imagine that each date peels away an old scar and leaves me new and shiney and closer to falling in love with myself.

  301.  #301April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    I wish I had more compassion for them.

    I just spent years closing off to one. As punishment somehow???
    I feel angry at my Dad and how he did not seem to cherish my Mum.

    Can I rewrite that story? Please help…?

  302.  #302MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    (((lovealways))) (((tam))) (((smile))) (((siren angel))) (((annie))) (((april rose))) (((megan-we see you))) (((belle))) (((daria)))

    (((group hug)))

    Sorry if I missed anyone my memory is not that great!

  303.  #303April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Miss Stix,

    Thank you for the hug.

    Something you wrote earlier on this thread has felt difficult for me and also true,

    You said
    “An unhappy man just sticking around where he is because he’d rather not be alone, and in many ways does not want to lose her, but will turn away easily to another woman”

    Ouch. Ouch, ouch.

  304.  #304April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    I was not his safe harbour.

    Oh no.

    I see that now.

    The jolt has turned me completely around.

  305.  #305MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Yeah….ouch 🙁 I feel an urge to apologize, but I won’t. It’s a harsh reality. I do feel sad to know I was a part of that reality at one point. I feel like taking a deep breath…..ahhhhhhh we learn and grow and create even more love for ourselves.

  306.  #306Starla on October 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    300 April Rose,
    Aw that’s a nice thing. I really like that
    More hugs for you
    ((((((((((((april rose)))))))))

  307.  #307MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Compassion and forgiveness to me. Compassion and forgiveness to him.

  308.  #308Miss Bells on October 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    HE is supposed to make the plans BUT:
    What happens when I mention something *I* am planning–like a day trip to see the new Napa waterfront, and he chimes in and says he wants to tag along?
    This FEELS to me like he is pursuing me–I didn’t invite him, merely agreed to his inviting himself. So–he had to WANT to or he would have just told me to enjoy myself. And I would have gone alone or with girlfriends, no problem.

  309.  #309MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Looking back and reflecting with compassion and understanding helps me solidify my present. That was me then. This is me now. And forever. I can not unlearn this. I sunk into this like a rock hard, bone dry sponge, and welcomed this warm liquid into every cell and empty space. I let it fill up my soul and become a part of me. This is me. mmm k. Feeling solid and safe.

  310.  #310Tam on October 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Sassy, I hadn’t really been dating for months, I thought it was ok but I feel frustrated…I am impatient and want to meet men I like and feel attracted to…but I don’t.
    Yes, I will drift in and out of the dating…

  311.  #311MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Miss bells

    Would it feel good to have him tag along?

    Yes, this is pursuit. This is him attempting to be a part of your time and space. Rock on!

  312.  #312MissStix on October 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Must clean must clean must clean :p Love you lazy girl resisting.
    Hmmm…So G did ask me for a ride. I appreciated the way he asked “If you’re feeling bored come grab me, or i’ll take transit”. I felt good to do this. I have some things to get from his place (very close to his work) so I can pick him up on my way. So I said “oh, yep that would be good I gotta hit up your place.”. I thought about just asking him to get my stuff but my stuff is bulky and I felt too much guilt to have him carry it on the bus. I made a judgement call based on my own feelings, and went with the lighter feeling option, to make myself happy, even if it is masculine energy. I feel good about this. Go me!

  313.  #313Tam on October 19, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Somtimes I do think I made mistakes, firstly by not letting him get me from the airport and then the thing about meeting downtown, where I assumed stuff that wasn’t true and was less than enthusiastic.
    Fact remains, we both made mistakes and I do still believe that if he wanted me, he would have seen me by now – 2 weeks down the road.
    It’s ok, I forgive myself for my mistakes.
    I don’t think anything much had changed if I had behaved differently, the bust-up would have just come later.
    That feels soothing.

  314.  #314Smile on October 19, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    (((tam))) You followed your feelings with those situations. I would havd done that too, putting my boundaries and feelings first, regardless of the outcome.

    Thank you for your reply before. My friend arrived just as I came to reply to you.

  315.  #315Smile on October 19, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Thanks for the hug miss stix.

  316.  #316Smile on October 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Hm, now I feel I over reacted. I’m trying to be in business that isn’t mine anymore. I’m shouting get get, stop trying to work it out brain.

  317.  #317Starla on October 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    thank you, universe, for the car.

  318.  #318Smile on October 19, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Sometimes I question if being open has just dragged it out longer for me…

    I’ve only ever dated 3 guys.

    I feel guilty of the thinking every guy is the right one for me…

    “If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)”

  319.  #319Tam on October 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Smile, I also question this:

    ‘Sometimes I question if being open has just dragged it out longer for me…’

    moreover, I felt Rori’s tools have made a man step up, who never stepped up so much before and in the end it was just a lot of hot air…he was inspired but still couldn’t do it. Which was my initial assessment 2 years ago. Perhaps if I had been less Siren at the beginning of the year, the closeness, opening up of him and the connection would never have happened…it was like the perfect storm. Rori’s tools, another guy (challenge) and him being in a happy place….he stepped up.
    Now it’s a different scenario and it’s back to square 1 – in those two years, and particularly the last year, I could have done a lot of things if only I had stayed away rather than stay open.
    Well, it is what it is.

  320.  #320Tam on October 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    in two months I am 37 and I do not intend to play with a man like this for another two years, or even another two weeks.

  321.  #321Smile on October 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I need to stop thinking so much.

    Now I feel a bit miserable.

  322.  #322Tam on October 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm


  323.  #323Smile on October 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Tam, the hardest part for me if I started dating more men is fear of having to end sOmething sooner rather than later and wondering if it could turn into more.

    I want to be able to relax and not wonder where it’s going.

  324.  #324Smile on October 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    My best friend since I was 9 has just been round. She’s still ace friends with ex of 10 years and has been supporting him recently. He’s been with a girl for 4 years and having a tough time. She (my friend) said he asked to meet her to talk the other day and he cried in the restaurant. I love this guy so much it pains me not to be able to help him so much when I probably know him better than anyone. I love him but I’m not in love with him anymore. I want to tell him what to do. Ouch that feels bad.

  325.  #325Smile on October 19, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    I think I’m ignoring how I feel. I feel like I’m pretending mornings happened. But I don’t feel like crying. Maybe I’m expecting myself to feel more?

  326.  #326Annie on October 19, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    308: Miss Bells says:

    HE is supposed to make the plans BUT:
    What happens when I mention something *I* am planning–like a day trip to see the new Napa waterfront, and he chimes in and says he wants to tag along?
    This FEELS to me like he is pursuing me–I didn’t invite him, merely agreed to his inviting himself. So–he had to WANT to or he would have just told me to enjoy myself. And I would have gone alone or with girlfriends, no problem.”

    Good question it would feel good to hear some feedback and advice on this one.

  327.  #327Smile on October 19, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I think actually just going to sleep might help this situation.

  328.  #328Tam on October 19, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    323..that’s my problem right now Smile, the men are eager to have instant relationships and I don’t want that…at all. I need a lot of time, but seems the guys don’t have time.

  329.  #329April Rose on October 19, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    A broken heart hurts like h*ll, and heals in time.

    Let it hurt. It will heal. It always does.

  330.  #330Tam on October 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I feel confident that in a couple of months or so I am over this hump and can reach out rock star style and just see how he is doing, as I miss the friendship first and foremost…to be honest. I hope he is doing well and I wish him well, even though romantic stuff is just not going to happen anymore between us.
    I don’t think I can open my heart to him ever again.
    In a way this feels good. It really does.
    I do want the friends back though, and I don’t just miss him but our other friends too, one of whom is this old guy who is so dear to me and so sweet and he doesn’t have email…so I can’t even reach him.
    I miss him terribly. He was always so happy to see me and would chat with me for hours, like I was some precious thing in his life…he would tell me all about his (very exciting) life, stories of adventure and heartbreak. Such a nice old man.
    I feel angry that I have been cut off from him too.
    Oh well.

  331.  #331Smile on October 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    I want to play in my head my perfect relationship as I fall asleep but that feels too painful. I’m just going to feel my hurting even though it’s numb

  332.  #332Tam on October 19, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    I am making peace with my past ladies. I just reached out to my ex bf, because we had not been in touch since May or so…the one I let go (kids and ex-wife issues and MrP meddling and other probs). He had this very defeatist thing on POF and looked really sad, and had coloured his hair..saying he felt like a goldfish in a bowl. I just wanted to tell him that he isn’t a fish in a bowl but more like a luxurious koi carp and that I wish him well.
    It feels good to tell him that.
    He has low self esteem and he isn’t a bad person.
    I feel like I am making peace with my past and myself.
    It feels a little niggly painful but oh so good.
    I am off to go out!!

  333.  #333Simply Goddess on October 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Feel sad..
    He went to pick up child today and its the 1 day I havent heard from him all day.. Hes een going on faceook and didnt reply to my morning text.. etc
    Hes in contact every day ut today didnt. Just feel dropped when child is about.

    I leant forward, some texts were sent back and forth.. ick

    Sad, lonely weekend off I guess.. 🙁

    Will these prolems ever e resolved..

    I wish I could go away for a while and come ack when things are better..

    Feel lost..

  334.  #334BAB on October 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Ok I have a question that has been weighing on my mind for a while now.
    Is it counter productive to let go of what’s going on in my relationship at the moment and do the steps to making my self happier and my relationship happier. But at the same time having a back up plan as far as where to live if at the end of my, as I call it thinking period, nothing has changed? Any thoughts would be helpful! Thanks

  335.  #335LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    I don’t feel like eating or going out and least of all putting up a profile on a dating site.

    I do want to stop crying, but I must keep feeling.

    I’ve decided to start circular dating a bit . . . starting with CDdj just to start getting out. I’m going to start lining up coffee dates, etc. for next week, or the week after . . . drats, this is hard. I miss HScd. I miss being with him. I’m feeling this, embracing it and then moving on to the idea of getting out and about and taking care of myself.

    This all happens in waves, and they are big scarey waves crashing over my head suffocating me with feelings of pain and constant tears . . . but I’m still standing

  336.  #336LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    I’ve picked up the phone 10 times to call HScd but I didn’t do it. It’s more than not leaning forward. It’s about my boundary. I don’t want to see or speak with him unless he is deciding to be with me because he wants to whole heartedly – I can accept nothing less in my heart and soul. So leaning back doesn’t seem to matter if he is not saying what matters to me. I know there are so many things un-siren-y about what I just said, but this is how I’m feeling this moment. I feel anger, I feel sad, I feel relax, I feel exhausted, I feel head-achey (still), and I am happy about one thing today – I cooked some yummy healthy siren food (fish and veggies) and taking good care of my tummy. Through this whole Ordeal my tummy has been okay.

  337.  #337LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    (((((((((Simply Goddess)))))))))

  338.  #338LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    April Rose says:

    “A broken heart hurts like h*ll, and heals in time.
    Let it hurt. It will heal. It always does.”

    Thank you April Rose, this feels good and me anxious about whether I can do this, if I’m strong enough, why do I feel too weak to make it another day without him . . . and then I realize I need to heal this very thing!

    I’m a hot mess right now

  339.  #339LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    I can’t think of even spending time with another guy. I feel so weepy and vulnerable. I guess that would come across as authentic if I kept the story to myself and was just natural. I wonder

  340.  #340LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Yes, I should maybe find a way to circular date. I’m going to go plan this somehow. Maybe just a few dates to get myself out of the house and into myself. I’m not so sure I’m ready. I might just need to take time for myself first and get some healing time in. OMG I can’t think that far ahead. I’m not sure I’ll even be able to sleep tonight. I have such thoughts racing through my head. I miss him sooooooooo much and I feel so weak and stupid for feeling this. I think I need to listen to commitment blueprint again at some point. I’m the one who broke up with him and I keep playing it back in my head.

    No matter what, I cannot contact him.

    this hurts

  341.  #341LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    I have to envision moving forward, doing things without him. I’ll list everything we used to do together (almost everything) and let each one go with blessings with a promise to do something different by myself to replace the thought.

    I’m thinking too much

  342.  #342LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:36 pm


    I feel curious, why not do both?

  343.  #343BAB on October 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Well because iam currently living with my bf of 5 yrs and trying to make things better. But it seems like it
    would almost be sabotaging to think about a back up plan, as if theres no way we can make it. Does that make more sense?

  344.  #344LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Okay, I feel a void, a big void, and I don’t know what to do now. I always did things for myself, like a good siren should, but HScd and I were in touch (phone, etc) constantly and regularly through the day. He was my best friend, and now there is a big gaping hole in my life. I wasn’t that close to many other people. The last time I broke up a guy I drove everyone else crazy. That was pre-siren, but I feel afraid I might do it again.

    OMG, why is my life going this way again?

  345.  #345LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    BAB, may I ask how does planning for back up while trying to make it work make you FEEL.

  346.  #346LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    i wonder if HScd is feeling the same things that I am and it feels bad to think he is hurting. talk about confusing feelings going on at one time. I don’t know to heal this or move on from it. I’m avoiding a feeling here, I feel scared to feel it. I’m so tired of crying. Another night of crying.

  347.  #347LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    he is probably busy doing stuff, I feel stupid about my feelings and thoughts, like I’m stepping in the dirty with white suede pumps

  348.  #348LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    I’m going to give in to the feeling

    I feel angry that I lost my temper and broke up with him. I feel embarrassed to say that. That I caused my own pain. I fee my boundary was too forceful, too strong and I was exercising boy energy. I feel so wrong, but I had to do it, I had to be safe in my heart so I had to step back from him and that was the way to do it.

  349.  #349bloom-ing on October 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    LoveAlways, one time in high school this beautiful british boy who like the same poets i did…. who i liked SO SO MUCH like you only can when you’re 16 lol…. kissed another girl at prom while i was on vacation (i got my **first** kiss that vacation; swoon, lol)….

    he “confessed” that he kissed her, so ashamed, poor man; i said, i kissed someone too. he said i’m so sorry & i wish i could split you both in half & combine you & i don’t know what to do… & i said, “don’t worry about it; i’m not one of your “options” anymore.” not mad at all. we’re friends to this day. actually, he has come to me for romantic advice & i know for sure for sure that he still regrets it HAHAHA but we would have had a terrible time dating.. anywayz.

    i felt so good about myself after that…. i felt great. i could have felt bad. the other girl was insanely beautiful and had this fierce exotic look to her, but a rocker vibe & she was just AMAZING but i saw that he just didn’t care “enough” about either of us. felt cool.

    2 weeks later, the most handsome senior in my art class asked me out. i had been (duh) crushing on him for months & we had a wonderful years-long relationship where he chased me & was amazing… but when he proposed, i said “no.” i said i love you, but no. i can’t say yes to that. but he asked.

    “confusion” turns me off like CR8ZY lol…

    best to you. i feel sure your handsome, poetic lover is just HONING IN on you right now : )))) ahhh what an image ! if that doesn’t put a spring in your step : )

  350.  #350LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I felt angry that his ex had been with him longer and knows him better than I do. I felt weak that she is closer to him in that way. I felt angry that he was confused that she only wants him because he is serious about me, and that she will hurt him again like she always does. I felt hurt and sad that he was not able to avoid her manipulation. I felt overwhelmed like I could not breathe because he was torn between the two of us. I felt dumb for ending up in this situation.

  351.  #351LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Thank you Bloom-ing, you have me smiling through my tears! You could very well be right. I feel so soothed by your sharing your story. put an instant smile on my face. I haven’t smiled in days, blessings to you.

  352.  #352Sirenity on October 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Sometimes I question if being open has just dragged it out longer for me…’

    I believe there is a difference between “being open” to a man who is coming towards you consistently and offering the full meal , and remaining ever -hopeful, available and loyal to a man who is offering crumbs only.

    I believe the remaining open is about being open to men who you might not be focusing energy on, or feeling great attraction for initially.

    Its about being open to HIS energy and not directing yours at a Mr Crumby .

    I am currently open to dating Hmmm ?- man who i am not feeling sparks for at all . I am hoping to be surprised. Maybe i’ll meet someone exciting via him? maybe he will sweep me off my feet???

    In the past i was like a faithful dog sitting by the back door waiting to be let in with G-man . That is not being open..that is being pathetic and losing myself.

  353.  #353LoveAlways on October 19, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    I’m going to open myself to any possibility right now. Going to listen to commitment blueprint and do some writing then get a lot of sleep. That feels good to plan something now. Good night sweet sirens ((((HUGS)))) to all.


  354.  #354Butterfly Wings on October 19, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Hi everyone! I’ve been napping all morning and about to have lunch but thought I’d quickly post about my night!

    I was supposed to meet up with a gf for a couple of drinks, but things turned out VERY differently…

    At about 3.30pm I received an email from a new guy at work which said “Hi BW, I’m reasonably new and we’ve not yet been introduced but I’ve seen you around and was wondering if you wanted to come across the road for drinks tonight”.

    I had NO idea what he looked like, but figured that I wasn’t meeting my gf till 5, so told him I was finishing at 4 and was thinking of going for a drink then anyway (which I was).

    So we met up in the foyer, and in heels I’m taller than him, but he’s kind of cute. He was with another guy from work but he was actually going home so he left us alone and we headed over the road to the pub.

    So several compliments and many drinks later, I’m having the BEST time! A heap of people from work turned up and a group of guys from New Zealand stopped me as I walked past to go to the bathroom to say hi to me. One of them later bought me a drink, and the two guys I was with (new guy and another guy from work who is TH’s friend) were telling me that they all kept looking over at me. lol

    TH’s friend also kept commenting on how keen the new guy seemed, even though he apparently knew about TH.

    We then went to another bar where new guy asked me to dance, then took me by the hand and led me to the dance floor. I was practising my flirting skills, maintaining eye contact and smiling too. He has REALLY nice eyes…! 😉

    So nothing happened and TH’s friend ended up walking me to the train station just before 1am and told me to text when I got home (maybe he’s protecting me while TH is away! lol), so that was nice.

    So I had a fantastic night, I flirted lots, and I feel AMAZING, despite the slight dehydration! 😉

    I’m heading out with the girls tonight, and god help any man, the way this vibe is going right now!!

  355.  #355Sassy on October 19, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    BW-you go grrrllllll!!! Whooohoooo

  356.  #356Butterfly wings on October 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Ahhh!!!! I love that I don’t have to go on any actual “dates” in order to CD! I feel totally guilt free! Love it love it love it!!! 🙂

  357.  #357Butterfly Wings on October 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    I just did something that I’m not sure was the “right” thing to do, but this morning something clicked with me.

    I’ve been accusing TH over and over again for having a big wall up, when this whole time I’ve also had a wall up. So I decided to take it down.

    I feel really happy and confident right now (thank you new work dude and others who were checking me out last night!), so decided to email him while I’m feeling so great.

    In the email I told him I loved him, I miss him, and can’t wait for him to get back. I also told him how I’m freaking out about when he flies to the next country where the girl he talks to online lives (he’ll be in her city briefly before moving on), but that whatever happens I will cope. I also acknowledged that he has been honest with me and I know he will continue to be honest with me, so what will be will be.

    And finally I mentioned a beautiful pic he sent me last night of the beach, saying that I hoped that one day it would be me and him some day sharing such a beautiful view.

    And that’s pretty much it!

    I don’t expect a response and I am pretty sure I won’t get one. But I let my wall down and told him how I feel. And I feel wonderful that I did that without any expectations ! Yay me!

  358.  #358Goddess Lily on October 19, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    I feel turned on and off at the same time. On because I wanna do “something” with somebody. Off because the one I want doesn’t want me bad enough.

  359.  #359Vi on October 19, 2012 at 8:15 pm


  360.  #360Vi on October 19, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    ((((((((April Rose)))))))

  361.  #361Vi on October 19, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Daria’s “I want to respect men not cry over them’ felt like an aha moment to me.. yeah I mix up compassion with love… that’s what I felt for my dad when I was a child. I thought that’s how love feels like. Sigh. I feel relieved to feel to difference now.
    Thank you Daria.

  362.  #362Vi on October 19, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    mmm..I feel curious: what if the love to myself shall not necessarily feel like anger, beating up and rage and focusing on the flaws – it does not necessary need to feel like my mom’s attitude, right? Sigh. I feel like ‘hehe’ and empowered 🙂 I want to have soul-based relationship with myself!

  363.  #363BAB on October 19, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Lovealways- It makes me feel bad, like i am going to make us fail just by thinking about it. and at the same time i feel in control, and thats definitely one of my triggers. Im trying not to always feel the need to be in control.

  364.  #364Smile on October 19, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    Serenity 352- im finding it hard not to be hopeful by his crumb offering. So I’ve been trying to practise this tool of roris. I think my fly paper might still be a bit sticky! N

  365.  #365Smile on October 19, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    1. Pave Over Your Flypaper

    Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches. Make it soft.

    Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints…

    And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

    2. Leave it up to him

    Let him choose: Stay or go.

    I know this feels totally impossible when we’re clinging to a thread of a relationship. When we want things to work out, when we want things to go the way we want them to go. When we’ve waited so long for love, and finally a man has shown up who told us he loved us. Perhaps he even promised us love.

    Yet, if you can remember this, you’ll feel SO much better and be SO much more attractive to ANY man:

    The difference between what a man says and what he does are the difference between a lifelong love partnership, and a fling.

    It doesn’t matter if the fling lasts days, weeks, months or even years (and, yes – many men are totally capable of allowing friendly “flings” to endure for years…) if it isn’t a lifelong love partnership, with all the commitment bells and whistles you desire in order to relax and feel happy, then it’s still a “fling.”

    If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)

    Instead, use my Tools to bring so MANY men close to you that you NEVER feel at any one man’s mercy.

    Just because you love him and are invested in him doesn’t mean he has a claim on you UNTIL he actually claims you.

    So let HIM make the decisions about where the relationship is going. And YOU make the decisions about whether what he wants is what YOU want.

    This is where YOU get to stay or go, too. This is THE most powerful place you can come from inside yourself – the most powerful message you can deliver to a man: That you will not be trying to convince him to be with you forever.

    That, instead, you’ll trust him to make his own decisions based on how he feels and what he wants. And then you’ll see if that’s enough for you. This mental attitude can make you feel incredibly powerful and peaceful – both at the same time. Now…

    3. Put imaginary plants around your mental and emotional self

    Plants that will give you shade for your thoughts and feelings. Plants that will nurture and feed you… And most of all – plants that will invite a man to sit in the shade with you and share your bounty.

    4. Don’t ask him to “stick”

    Don’t be afraid of him going. The most attractive woman in the world is one who’s not holding on, acting like glue. The prize here is YOU – not him!

    Remember – if you’re flypaper, you’re stuck to a man, too! That means you’re stuck with the ones who aren’t filling up your needs and your heart!

    And, in case you want to hang onto your flypaper and put it in a drawer and take it out for “special occasions” and “special men” – ask yourself this:

    Why Would You Ever Even Need Flypaper?

    When a “good” man finds you – a man who’s determined to make it his life’s mission to make you ecstatically happy – you don’t NEED flypaper! He stays and sticks because he WANTS to. Because he wants YOU.

    Try this in your imagination, and see how it works magically in the real world, with a real man – no matter HOW you’re feeling right now: Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled you – the way you know you are deep inside yourself when you’re happy and don’t want or need anything – and change your life.

    Do it one minute at a time. One tiny second, in fact, at a time. Practice it everywhere, and see how much calmer, sexier, simpler, and more relaxed you feel.

  366.  #366Smile on October 19, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    This bit is now the bit I’m focussing on…

    This is where YOU get to stay or go, too. This is THE most powerful place you can come from inside yourself – the most powerful message you can deliver to a man: That you will not be trying to convince him to be with you forever.

    That, instead, you’ll trust him to make his own decisions based on how he feels and what he wants. And then you’ll see if that’s enough for you. This mental attitude can make you feel incredibly powerful and peaceful – both at the same time. Now…

    This is not enough go me!!!! I get to choose!!!

    But how do I choose No crumbs! without pushing him away?

  367.  #367Smile on October 19, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    I’m trying to ride on with him hanging on my saddle! I do not need to push him off!

    I need to see more men! The answer is simple!

  368.  #368Smile on October 19, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    “And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

    2. Leave it up to him

    Let him choose: Stay or go.”

    What if leaving it up to him looks like coming in and out!

  369.  #369Butterfly Wings on October 19, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    366 Smile – I think I’ve been the flypaper too.

    Also trying to unstick without pushing him away.

    Maybe it’s about just shifting that focus away from him and on to you, and expressing your don’t wants in FM’s?


  370.  #370Miss Bells on October 19, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    Now I don’t know what to do.
    I feel more disappointed than angry.
    I went on Match in stealth mode, and HE has been there this past evening.

    He is contacting Match gals again. This after we began having sex again a couple of weeks ago.

    In the meantime–I went down to the club I like the best for the Friday night music and artist guy-(maybe 8 years younger than me) was there. He sat with me all evening, invited me up to his loft (I didn’t go) and picked up my $20 tab when I wanted to leave but couldn’t get the bartender’s attention. He invited me to a thing at a winery tomorrow.

    I am supposed to go up and see HS tomorrow evening.

    Do I say something?

    I want to say something.

    I want to say–I got a creepy feeling and checked to see that you were on match last night–and you know that’s cool–but you can’t be with me and be on match. It just doesn’t feel good to me to be in a crowded room. What do you think?

    Or maybe I say nothing and do the reverse ultimatum. A real one. Mimi Tanner style. No recriminations. Just becoming suddenly very busy without saying a thing.

    He definitely agreed to stop contacting women on match. The agreement was no contacting women online or off.

    So, now what?

  371.  #371Miss Bells on October 19, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    I have his laptop–I was going to see if he had been on–but it went right to his profile. He emailed 7 women. One of them he mentioned having been in her town recently. He left out the part where he was with his girlfriend–me– at the time.
    I really don’t know what to do or NOT do with him.

  372.  #372Miss Bells on October 19, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    I have thought of saying “I wonder WHY you are on Match after we talked about this just a couple of weeks ago and I thought you understood what a deal-killer this is.


    I could just walk away and busy myself with other matters that concern me.

    I could cancel on him tomorrow (Saturday) evening, and just drop the computer off to him on my way somewhere else.

    And wait till he comes to me wanting attention.

    On some level it doesn’t matter WHY he is doing this.

    But my reaction does matter.

    I wish I could get Rori’s take on this.

  373.  #373Miss Bells on October 19, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    I did say to him I wouldn’t move back in without a ring. I have moved out 3 times now. I’m just saying…

  374.  #374Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:00 am

    370- thanks butterfly wings. It feels nice to have company on the blog. Aus right…?

    I have been good at expressing my wants and don’t wants. He started to step up more and cooked me tea on Friday, totally romanced me but ‘no sex!’ We had been together for 2 years and lived together but now we’ve been elastic banding for 9 months since he moved out.
    I’ve been vulnerable and we’ve been connecting which has felt great but… Letting go of expectations is what I’m working on. I’m moving and ready to start a fresh next week. I found out he’s moving too but never said anything last week. My negative vibes kicked in and I felt disappointment he didn’t say. I need to get back on my horse, keep riding!!
    And most importantly…. Start dating other men!!

  375.  #375Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:06 am

    (((miss bells)))

    If it was me I would busy myself. Make myself feel good but not do it as a reverse ultimatum. This would be about me taking care of me. Not anything to do with him.

    Then if he got in contact I would share how I felt without saying any ‘yous’ as Rori suggests.

    This is a script I had saved from on the blog, it might help…

    You are free to contact any and all the women you want–but if you do–it just feels AWFUL to me, and I won’t stick around.

    I don’t want to be a girlfriend right now. I feel like being married. You are free to do what you want and I don’t want to put pressure on you but I feel awful knowing you are contacting other women. I feel my heart drop to the ground and so not enough. And I don’t want to feel that way with you.

  376.  #376Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:15 am

    I’m feeling good now.

    Letting go

    I can’t control what he tells me

    Letting go

    I’ve told myself a different story

    Negative vibes don’t serve me

    Today I choose making me happy 

  377.  #377Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:19 am

    Mmm love my Saturday mornings in bed drinking tea.

    I feel congested today

    My head feels painful

    But i feel in good spirits now

    Ruth has inspired me to get running once again when I move.

  378.  #378Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 12:24 am

    That is pretty close to my thoughts.

    But–I actually am fine at this moment with being a girlfriend. I am in my fifties. Married three times, widowed once.

    It JUST has to be a SERIOUS girlfriend.

    We have a date tomorrow night, and I have his laptop.

    I don’t want to sit there all night pretending anything.

    “There is something bothering me. I don’t want to sit here all night pretending ANYTHING. I just don’t have enough time left in this world to pretend shit.

    I KNOW you have been trying to date gals on Match. You are free to contact any and all the women you want–but if you do–it just feels AWFUL to me, and I won’t stick around. What do you think?”

    But– do I stay around for dinner and netflix–do I stay the night–or do I say it and leave, and wait for him to call?

    It kinda depends on his reaction.

  379.  #379Butterfly Wings on October 20, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Yay Smile yes! Dropping those expectations is hard, but it is definitely a good thing, as is shifting the focus and CDing. 🙂

    And yes, I’m in Oz! You?

  380.  #380Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 12:28 am

    I like the reverse ultimatum because it really isn’t an ultimatum at all. Just a pulling back until you have to be chased to be reached at all.

    It means putting more and more attention on something else besides the man, and more and more on your self–your projects–your friends.

    At no point do you initiate a “relationship talk.”

    If they don’t step up–you fall off.

  381.  #381Butterfly Wings on October 20, 2012 at 12:28 am

    I’m like you Miss Bells – I don’t need the ring, but I’m definitely NOT sharing either – it’s a dealbreaker for me.

    So yeah I like what Smile suggested to you. Get yourself busy, then get a good FM ready for when he contacts you. And be strong!


  382.  #382Butterfly Wings on October 20, 2012 at 12:30 am

    I like the reverse ultimatum too, but I’d be ready with the FM when he complains about never seeing you. When he complains about why you’re always busy, then you can express your feelings about him being on Match etc.


  383.  #383Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 12:31 am

    I guess I am going to have to do the power script immediately. WE are supposed to get together tomorrow night, and I have no real reason to cancel. I mean no emergencies or client deadlines.

  384.  #384Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:39 am

    380- bw, I’m in uk.

    I’ve never dated online. I feel myself getting braver and braver everyday. I know this is what I should do.

    Hm I think I might have a wall up. Today I’ll remove the middle brick and just have a peep through…

  385.  #385Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 12:41 am

    But I could say ” I’m sorry I have to cancel–something came up. I’ll drop off the computer but I can’t stay.”

    The something that “came up” is that I have to clean my house….

  386.  #386Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 12:43 am

    It really is quite a mess. I spend so much time at my OLD house with him that I never have time to really move in down here.

  387.  #387Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:43 am

    Miss bells, take that part out if it doesn’t fit, I literally copied and pasted it. I knew this about you already though I think.

    I would have strong boundaries around sharing too, marriage or not.

    How are you at delivering scripts in person? I feel scared sometimesike I get a ball in my throat so I don’t say what I should. I find it easier to text. I’m working in delivering fm face to face at the min. It’s getting less daunting for me

  388.  #388Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:45 am

    It would feel good to spend time getting myself sorted in my new place. I want to feel settled.

  389.  #389Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 12:51 am

    Not that great at face to face, I like writing better,

    I could just drop off the computer and say I can’t stay. The thing is–he thinks I am in the dark.

    If I say my truth right away– at the beginning of the time we were planning on spending together, it sparks a big confrontation.

    But– I don’t want to sleep over and act like everything is just FINE.

    So maybe bailing and waiting till he comes to me.

    Mind you– I just made it home to my place Thursday, and he called me Friday, and we are supposed to see each other Saturday. And he has never actually connected with any Match gal yet.

    But he is TRYING to and that is a real problem for me.

  390.  #390Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:57 am

    In the dark….- I don’t know how match works? Can you just say you noticed him on there?

    Hm it would not fefl good to me to stuff my truth out of fear of confrontation. I’ve been there myself too many times.

  391.  #391Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 1:00 am

    Maybe tomorrow afternoon I will go to the party that artist dude invited me to at a nearby vineyard. It ends at five PM.
    I am not entirely sure why I can hang with other men but he can’t contact other women. EXCEPT– if he were around enough of the time in my world to stake his claim, the other fellows would disappear.

    I am not CONTACTING them. They are coming to me when i am out by myself on a Friday night because he didn’t make plans to see me. If he started showing up with me to my fave club, the other fellows would back off. But he is not protecting his claim to me. soooo…

    And–I would make a real commitment today if asked.

  392.  #392Smile on October 20, 2012 at 1:01 am

    In my mind I’ve just raised my degree of difficulty.

    I’m a goddess
    I won’t accept anything less than I want

    I am worthy of my wants

  393.  #393Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 1:15 am

    He texts in the week while im at work asking me to have his child and take her horse riding all weekend because he has no1 else to and is choosing to work overtime all weekend (after working all week)
    This would e me sitting in his mums all weekend (someone who hasnt spoken to me for months since he moved out – who doesnt want him there never mind his gf)

    Because he texts and doesnt actually speak to me about things before I had chance to reply he had text back doesnt matter my mum is having her.
    The a few days later he asked again, I was at work and before giving me chance to reply he put “take that as a no! Forget I asked!!” Ouchie!

    He was fine when he came down he doesnt mention it ut then when he went to pick child up yesterday I didnt hear from him.. He seemed to have a little mood on when I text – I ended up saying why dont you invite me down the weekend to spend time with you both in stead of just saying for me to have your child. (He didnt invite me down at all seen as I hadnt had child – even tho I hadnt even had chance to say yea)
    He said well what do you think that means, of course thats an invite down!

    Argh.. I feel bad about this..

    Hes updating his status..

    “work work work, im a workaholic” etc.. I see his friends updating theirs about how theyre having a lie in or plans with the girlfriends.. 🙁

    He works so much.. It isnt what I want when Ive a tough job and im off the weekend.. I feel lonely waking up on my own..


  394.  #394Smile on October 20, 2012 at 1:30 am

    I’m moving my energy away from him.

  395.  #395Smile on October 20, 2012 at 1:39 am

    3168: Dominique says:

    Janette – The only way to attract a man and have it stick is by taking all of this intense focus off of him. Stop worrying what he’s thinking/doing/feeling.

    You haven’t even met yet, so essentially you don’t know each other. This is not a relationship. Everything can and will change when you meet for real.

    Now and for always, you need to keep your focus on you, what makes you feel good, what fills you up, activities, people. I would also encourage you to work on healing yourself on all levels, learning what you feel how you feel, learning how to express yourself in ways that do not blame or make another feel wrong, learning how to feel as relaxed and at ease as possible as often as possible so that you can remain as clear as possible.

    You cannot force anyone to feel anything. So you continue to uncover/discover who you are and step more and more fully into this authentically you woman. He will be attracted to you, or he won’t. You don’t even really know if you will like him at this point anyway.

    And if it’s not him, someone else will step up and want to claim the precious gift which is you.


  396.  #396Smile on October 20, 2012 at 1:40 am

    Back on my horse 

  397.  #397Smile on October 20, 2012 at 1:42 am

    “Stop worrying what he’s thinking/doing/feeling.”

  398.  #398Daria on October 20, 2012 at 1:45 am

    im haveingg great success and feeling excited about letting people see me as i am

    “Let them see you shake”

    and so i expanded it to let them see you get numb, have judgementla thoughts, get all uptight in the body,

    and still letting mysef make eye contact keep heart open and connect

    its been feeling really great – i usually avoid pepoles eyes in these times and now im lettting htme see me

    it feels so relaxing and freeing for me now


    and men are coming out saying i know you want a guy to treat you i didnt get it at first cuz i wasnt mature but now i get it

    lol hehe

    i feel great

    guys are totally looking at me when i do my lean back and just look peaceful in my place

    and ouch evn when i get something thta tdoesnt fel good ive been able to notice myself get triggered

    and also ouchwhen i dont express anger i wound up feeling depressed after


    mmm i love me

    oh and this guy got me a cab and ti was taken caer of a dn i felt so uptight w urges to control and i let it happen instead


    thank u

  399.  #399Heart on October 20, 2012 at 2:07 am

    #266 – Tereana could you elaborate on that? I feel intrigued….

  400.  #400R.N.AmazingMe on October 20, 2012 at 2:17 am

    Thanks for thoughts and hugs Vi…Well good news dad got approved for VA benefits and mom’s chemo is not as expensive as we were thinking i mean its 500 bucks a treatment but at least i know I can help pay for it. she will not go without treatment! What a relief but still going to try to set up a fund for her that people can donate. my mom is an amazing woman if people know her they will want to help!!

  401.  #401Heart on October 20, 2012 at 2:31 am

    #171 – Thanks Tam.
    Well Waterwheel is good…..
    and you can practice breathing in and out through your hesert.

  402.  #402Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 2:42 am


    “When the times comes if Im expected to have ‘child’ while you work and take her to horse riding, then it might feel good if i was spoken to or included in decisions about these things in the first place..

    I dont want to feel shut out when it suits but then exoected to step up when it suits.. That jut doesnt feel good to me..

    What do you think?”

  403.  #403Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 2:45 am


    “I think.. You just go out and get drunk tonight with ya mates tonight.. Seriously you’re making out like I shut you out when I blatantly dont at all.. You get asked.. I can’t force you to have my child and to tell you the truth im used to it now!

    If you dont want to respond when I ask you to have her (through text an hed replied angrily before I got chance to) its up to you but dont try spin it on me sayin I shut you out!”

  404.  #404Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 2:48 am


    “Re read it, I get asked to have ‘child’ yes.. An it actually wouldnt bother me.. But do I get asked what I think/feel about having her, What I think feel bout taking her horse riding every week, What I think/feel about you workin all the overtime BEFORE decisions get made? No.. Theres a difference..

    I dont want to be shut out of all decisions ut then expected to step up when theyve been made.. It doesnt feel like a partnership that way”

  405.  #405Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 2:50 am


    “Youre a strange one you! So I have to give you some sort of emotional feelings test before I ask you to have her? Bottom line, you dont want to! And it doesnt matter now does it.. At least I know if I needed you to ‘step up’ what the answer would be.. Like Ive said, Im used to it now, Just go on and get on with your day and night now!!”

  406.  #406Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 2:52 am


    Getting angry

    “You’re used to it? I always had ‘child’ while you worked, You’ve asked me once since you’ve gone ack to work 2 weeks ago and I said yes! But as I cud only have her at mine u thought it was easier just going living back at ur mums instead haha unfortunately everything cant all be on your terms!”

  407.  #407Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 2:52 am

    “You never ‘always’ used to have her.. You;ve had her a few times! Like Ive said forget about it now! Im not arsed!!”

  408.  #408Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 2:53 am


    What am I doing wrong.. tell me honestly.. 🙁

  409.  #409Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 3:00 am

    Its not that I mind having her..
    Its just he makes all decisions on his own.. (Deciding he’ll work overtime the weekend he has his child) (Deciding he’ll book his child in for horse riding every week with no1 to take her) (Deciding he’ll send her horse riding with no money to afford it)

    Then.. if at the time I say any thing about this he snaps at me.. He’ll do what he wants.. But then as time draws nearer needs me to be the one who takes her, minds her, pays for her etc.. and asks and because hes already said he’ll work, said he’ll take her, he gets angry as Ive not replied straight away and snaps again..


    Hes always done it with his mum and sister.. Absolutely treats them awful but then ecpects them to run round after him or have child when he needs them to..

    Now hes doing it with me..

    I actually dont mind having her.. Its just the expectation and angriness and being shut out of the initial decisions when im the one it will affect.. He cant understand this..

    I feel really.. bad.. and apparently Im strange for wanting to be involved and talked to about something that will affect me.. argh

  410.  #410Heart on October 20, 2012 at 3:17 am

    #410 Simply Goddess – I know it tough when your attached but Dump him. This guy is a User and a user . Jump into an ocean of love and start dating.

    If you can’t dump him then start Cding.

  411.  #411Heart on October 20, 2012 at 3:17 am

    user and a loser

  412.  #412Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 3:40 am

    I feel so upset, angry, sad, confused..
    I cant win

  413.  #413Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:11 am


  414.  #414Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:12 am

    I feel good having options. Yey! Hm I can choose what I want!

  415.  #415Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:14 am

    409 SG, if it were me I’d try more fm 407. How do you feel about it?

  416.  #416Heart on October 20, 2012 at 4:15 am

    (((Simply Goddess)))
    just breathe

  417.  #417Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 4:17 am

    Simply Goddess..I felt very turned off when I read what he is doing with his daughter..not being there for her, booking her for riding AND EXPECTING YOU TO PAY ????? and then lashing out at you as though you are the one at fault for not providing the required services.

    I wonder do you have private you and him time?

    I feel compassion for him trying to give his daughter what she wants. i feel bad because you will always be second. Worse still I feel stressed for him!!! But I suspect he is creating this stress for himself by not handling his life effectively . And it is not up to me..or you..to guard his feelings.He is probably a good man who loves his daughter and maybe you too! But all he knows how to do is go out to work and let someone else sort the child care and relationship stuff. This is not uncommon with men..good men.

    Sighh…Big hug SG .

    I couldnt do this, but maybe you can?

  418.  #418Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:25 am

    Tam, I saw this and thought of you.

    “Perhaps he’s a nice guy and you feel “guilty” about “leading him on” – when what he’s really there for is for you to practice Telling the Truth!”


  419.  #419Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 4:28 am

    i agree about more FM, but actually a full Rori speech is called for as this is a BIG issue..

    ” I feel …upset ,angry, sad, confused. I dont want to reject your daughter but I feel at a loss when her care is left up to me and her riding lesson is left up to me.
    I feel bad that I am not her parent and I am looking after her and arranging and paying for her activities.

    I want to be in a relationship with you that is growing and moving forward and I feel stuck right now. I also feel anxious about moving in with you. I feel uncertain about what would be expected then and how we would feel.

    My feelings are important to me..I am just a girl here.
    I wan to feel light and free with you as your special girl..(GF, partner or whatever). I dont want to be a stand in mother . What do you think?

  420.  #420Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 4:31 am

    Smile ..thanks
    There are so many men out there, and they each have Messages for you. Let them come. Let them get close. Practice with them. I guarantee you – if he shows up – he’s there for a reason, too.

    The lesson and the Message he’s there to bring you – the lesson he showed up to deliver and that you’ll learn by interacting with him, even for a moment in passing, will certainly help him, too, with the lesson and Message YOU’RE there for. And there’s absolutely no way you can know this in advance, so you just have to experiment and experience the interaction.

    This post is all about my feelings of guilt and maybe leading on Hmmm??? CD

  421.  #421Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:35 am

    Taking out the *yous* and putting in the *I’s* Babysteps

    Great script serenity

  422.  #422Tam on October 20, 2012 at 4:42 am

    Before I read back – hello Ladies!!
    I had a lovely time with English CD yesterday…we laughed a lot (as always, we have the same kind of humour), and everything flowed.
    He asked me to come on a business trip to Jamaica with him over Thanksgiving…wow…sounded like a big deal to me. No crumbs anyway.
    He isn’t pressuring me in any way and hasn’t really initiated anything physical which suits me fine because I don’t know how I feel about that. We kissed when we parted and it actually felt ok. Not so bad. He is very busy so I can see other men without him feeling like I am playing with him.
    He did say he doesn’t understand how women here date multiple men and I just said nothing.
    Ironically, we are totally on the same wavelength about the relationship/fwb etc thing and I guess it shows that we hail from a similar place and with similar values. He said ‘I don’t know what happened, but when I was younger, it was a case of either being together or not, and now and especially here, you just never know. Some women are married and they don’t tell you, others justw ant to ‘have fun’ and don’t tell you’. Yeah, that resonated.
    Maybe we can be friends, and maybe something develops there – I don’t know.

  423.  #423Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 4:43 am

    I am thinkingof one for Hmmm CD next meeting when he will prob put more sexual pressure on me…

    “It feels great to be wanted in that way, and I feel giggly and perky and special. But I dont want to move this relationship to sex unless I am feeling really attached and close and I am not feeling that just now.I dont know which way things will go and I feel good just enjoying the moment for now.What do you think?”

  424.  #424Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 4:47 am

    Or more honest and direct..

    ” I am feeling friendly towards you and enjoying your company. It feels strange waiting to see if that chemistry spark is going to cut in. So far i am not feeling that. I dont want to move into sex with you while I am feeling uncertain and friendship only , what do you think?”

  425.  #425Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Tam this sounds like fun and just relaxing into it..maybe you are about to be surprised!

  426.  #426Tam on October 20, 2012 at 4:51 am

    And then….well, this morning I woke up thinking of MrP, and how it was with him. And suddenly I felt terribly sad because I realise that everything was so hard for him, any physical contact, kissing and more – he never quite knew how to initiate that and felt awkward…and he couldn’t ever quite let go and ‘feel’, he was always tense. And the fact that he just wouldn’t have said ‘let’s go away for a weekend’ because it would have been stress for him to be so close to someone..away from his comfort zone, his house. He asked me to stay there often, because that was ok.
    Suddenly I feel pretty despondent, because I feel that he too deserves happiness and a relationship, and even just as a friend I can see how women would see all that, once they get to know him beyond the superficial. I worry he will be alone.
    Oh, but everybody has to go their own way…and maybe he is even dating someone now, who knows.
    I feel almost like I can’t ever go there anymore.
    And that makes me sad.
    I don’t know why.
    Because I know he will be back?
    And I know he will be disappointed, like last time when I had a boyfriend and he saw him, he looked totally sad and like someone had hit him…I guess he knows he can’t do it but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t got feelings.
    I do feel like the ulimbical cord has been cut and I have to let a baby go, whose progress I watched and had his back always…but he needs to walk his own way now.
    So sad.
    I don’t want to see him sad, but I much less want to see me sad. And he has had his chances so many times, and he was so afraid to take them, always just edging forward a little and then running…..such a good man and so troubled, it’s making me sad.
    But I do feel like something snapped inside me after three weeks. The flick has been switched.

  427.  #427Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:51 am

    Serenity, I love 424!

    It would feel great to get to know each other gradually, I don’t feel ready for lovemaking.

  428.  #428Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:52 am

    Hi tam!!

    Glad you have fun with englishcd 

  429.  #429Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:53 am

    421 serenity 

  430.  #430Tam on October 20, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Sirenity, yes maybe. I feel a little numb about this, no excitement but ok, you know.
    Friendship is good also, who knows what will happen..

  431.  #431Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:54 am

    This makes it so useful to find stuff, thanks Rori


  432.  #432Smile on October 20, 2012 at 4:55 am

    Tam, hope 419 helps. My gift to you 

  433.  #433Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 4:58 am

    Tam I am feeling sad over one guy I last saw 2 years ago after 5 years of an imaginary relationship. I know he will be back one day.The thing is what we do with that sadness. I use the energy now to go online and tend my profile and tend my garden and my family and lots of other stuff. i still feel the sadness but then i transmute it into a moving energy that loves ME.

  434.  #434Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Tam as long as its not repulsion…then you could still be surprised!!!!And as long as you arent promising sex or love and just throwing yourself into fun , thenits good for him too!

  435.  #435Tam on October 20, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Hi Smile, yes, felt a bit like coming home, we had much fun. He is very funny, typical Brit man….we talked about our favourite comedies…and were looking at boobs and bums the whole night long. Here in the bars they make the girls wear hideous stuff, with boobs hanging out..and I couldn’t help but stare so we laughed about that because he said it was funny to see my eyes wander from the waitress’ eyes to her boobs…and I said that I can’t blame men for starting ever again because I was doing it myself!!! Then we went to Hooters because he thought I wanted to see more boobs…it was pretty hilarious…no but really, I do like to look at pretty women too, and it is quite interesting to see all the fake boobs and make-up etc, it was like a trip into another world..haha.

  436.  #436Smile on October 20, 2012 at 5:03 am

    Tam, the word boobs makes me giggle. Sounds like you had a *hoot*!

  437.  #437Tam on October 20, 2012 at 5:07 am

    Sirenity, wise and good words. Yes, I am willing to be surprised and I am not jumping into anything.
    I guess I like the English guy a lot because he is not pushing me at all….this feels nice.
    And he is busy.
    Regarding the imaginary relationship, well I believe MrP was often in an imaginary relationship with me in the beginning, he saw me as his gf but never communicated that to me…so we had lots of misunderstandings…and deep down I do know how he feels about me – but he is a very troubled man and I can’t go into his problems/issues too much here..it is amazing how he has come so far in his life, by overcoming a lot of obstacles and incredible intelligence. Mainly, I think I had the impulse of looking after him. I often felt sorry for him, and that is not the basis of a relationship. I often felt I had to protect him from something, but he is a grown man.
    What can I say?
    I feel more sad for him that he is losing me, than for me that I am losing him. Honestly. He really has nobody. He has peeved everybody off with his behaviour, friends and family..and they do come back but he is fundamentally alone. And he feels that.
    But in time maybe we can be friends. I would love to have him in my life, but always at a safe distance.

  438.  #438Tam on October 20, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Smile 🙂

  439.  #439Tam on October 20, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Smile, thank you for 419…

  440.  #440Tam on October 20, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Urgh, so much for a relaxing weekend, MrNap is already in at 8:15am, guess he couldn’t wait to see me….yikes.

  441.  #441Sirenity on October 20, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Smile I am still absorbing not needing to feel guilt!!!

    But i am not contacting him. I think he is a little unsure now because I am not calling, texting him at all..no initiation after 4 dates.

    I want to practice remaining open with this CD who i feel no chemistry for..open to friendship , company and exploration. Frankly he bores me and is socially somewhat crass…unfunny “jokes” to wait staff etcetera..maybe its me who could do with a shake up..meanwhile i choose to believe he is benefitting from this practice at least as much as i am

  442.  #442Annie on October 20, 2012 at 5:46 am

    373: Miss Bell says:

    “I have thought of saying “I wonder WHY you are on Match after we talked about this just a couple of weeks ago and I thought you understood what a deal-killer this is.”

    I don’t get it.
    If it is a deal killer and he crossed a boundary, what action did you say you would take?
    And do you want and will you now to honor your words by taking that action?
    Men respond to actions and distance not words.

  443.  #443Silver Moonbeam on October 20, 2012 at 5:54 am

    #432 Smile

    Wow thank you so much, it’s really easy to find stuff now. 😀

  444.  #444LiliBee on October 20, 2012 at 6:04 am



    I clicked the link, and went through the list. The 1st one to catch my attention enough to open the post and read was exactly what I needed to read this morning.

    So Thank You for sharing your find.

    ” But it’s the same as the age-old saying: “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”
    No matter how obvious it is that a man should be with you – it doesn’t mean he will.
    His inner workings may be not-understandable to anyone, including him – and yet they still may be running him.
    Change is so difficult for some people that they would rather live in misery than take a chance on something new.
    Fear is tricky, and change requires a belief in ourselves – and a belief in the kind and beneficent nature of the Universe as well – that’s often beyond the courage we can muster.
    If you encounter a man who’s stuck – instead of trying to dig him out, try accepting his stuckness, seeing that it’s possibly mirroring a kind of stuckness of your OWN, and just moving on to the next unknowable moment.
    Forgive him, forgive yourself for anything or any thought or belief or judgment you’re holding onto, and just float into the next moment with your arms and your heart open wide.
    If you like, try gathering your desire for what you want for your life, and see how it can possibly overpower your desire for a particular man.
    Gather your desire together, feel its strength, and harness it for your brave ride into the unknown.
    You don’t have to “let go” of a man who can’t ride with you (or doesn’t want to) – just feel your desire lift you up and carry you onward.
    Love, Rori “

  445.  #445Smile on October 20, 2012 at 6:20 am

    Lillibee, your post helped me too! Thanks.

    “You don’t have to “let go” of a man who can’t ride with you (or doesn’t want to) – just feel your desire lift you up and carry you onward.”

  446.  #446Smile on October 20, 2012 at 6:20 am

    Silver moonboom, I’ve unearthed some great stuff from this find!

  447.  #447Smile on October 20, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Ha ha moonboom! Lol moonbeam. Love my phone 

  448.  #448Smile on October 20, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Sirenity, I wonder what his message for you is? Or just the opportunity to practise lots of stuff as it comes up.

    I’m gonna find me some more men to practise on! 1 just ain’t enough!

  449.  #449Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Anyway, I’m sending this from my iPhone whilst sitting in a hot, bubbly bath.. 🙂
    There’s been tears but they felt healing.
    I feel better.
    I feel a bit worried sometimes about how much I’m posting on the blog. I think everyone must think ‘too many problems, get rid!’
    Maybe one day but right now I still lie in hope that the problems will ease. I just want to be happy. This helps x

  450.  #450Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 6:40 am

    I must include its only been once or twice I’ve paid, albeit he used my card without me knowing. Often his mother has had to pay though. I don’t like painting a picture that isn’t truly him.

  451.  #451Smile on October 20, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Simply goddess post away! Rori said to me make it feel like home 

  452.  #452LiliBee on October 20, 2012 at 6:54 am


    Yep Smile,

    I’m taking his calls, accepted his dinner invitation…then I shared about the plans I have for MYSELF:

    Girls night out tonight
    Gettogether with my refound long lost soul sister
    Fun outting while he’s away on vacation with his buddies
    Vacation trip with my long lost soul sister
    A 2nd vacation trip with a fun gang.

    I don’t need to depend on him to have a fun life.
    I can have a fun life without him.
    It’s up to him to join in by stepping up if he wants, or weed himself out as I will be cd’ing on those fun plans.
    I have other options than being all hung up waiting around for him to provide fun plans with me, I can provide my own fun plans.

    “You don’t have to “let go” of a man who can’t ride with you (or doesn’t want to) – just feel your desire lift you up and carry you onward.”

    My desire is to have a fun filled life.

  453.  #453Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 7:02 am

    🙂 thank you smile
    It does help x

  454.  #454helen clare on October 20, 2012 at 7:17 am

    /Hi,Rori, I am so sorrythat I have to trouble you again, But I do seem like getting any resolve from customer service, they ask me to keep the CD,which I have not have . I really dont think I should have pay some thing that I dont even have, Iknow you said that you dont deal with business side matter. But I do feel Like to explain my situation. I am the person been dump by my 40 years marriageshusband , He left me for some one young er than my daughter. ( you have even send me a nice mail, as I have put a blog on your site after some one been dump by her husband 35 years marriages.I have ordered couple programme few years back when i was having problemwith my husband. but now I have find out my Xalredy have contacted his girl friend , yes they used to only contact through phone text
    ( I have seen with my own eyesthe text that he sent to her stated that how much he love her)and e mail. until begining of this year, he used our money booked a ticket to philippine to stayed with herfor 3 weeks, and come back told me it was best 3 weeks in his life, and I knew then our 40years marriages is over. sorry dear Rori, no offends, I dont think that You can do anything about that.any way . I have promised my self that I will not let anyone hurt me again, and I dont think I can trust anyone again. please rori I dont think I can deal with another problem, I am so hurt, mental ly and phyically, I am waiting to have hip op. thank you so much in advance. best regards helenx

  455.  #455Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I live in a world more gray than black and white.

    But I will say what i have to say.

  456.  #456Starbright on October 20, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Simply Goddess,

    It is true that what one writes here is not the whole story. There is one thing that sticks out to me that you wrote about and this is how he treats his mom and sister. And, that now he is doing that same bad behavior with you…Very important to notice those types of patterns as they will continue unless the person doing them truly wants to change.

  457.  #457Starbright on October 20, 2012 at 8:21 am

    453: LiliBee – Yeah you!!!

    Great reminders for me too! I keep forgetting that I bring the fun! I don’t NEED a man to make my life fun! It feels fun to also have a man, however I’m not dependent on him for feeling good in my life!

    And, I agree with you: “My desire is to have a fun filled life!”

  458.  #458Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I’d posted this earlier – Didn’t realise it had gone to moderation.

    Thank you, I really like your words and your speech Serenity..
    In fact I agree what you said whole heartedly in your 1st reply, even feeling compassion for him. He doesn’t organise his life effectively and expects everyone else to step in.
    Eg. New year we were short of money and planned on staying in. After a chat with friends he signed us up for a big super club VIP booth NYrs eve, hotel the lot.. I wasn’t happy he hadn’t discussed, he said i was being a bitch and anyone else would be grateful! Not to worry about money, he’d sort it..
    When new year came, I ended up paying most of it..
    This issue clearly affects a lot of things – child, money etc he’s impulsive.. I agree he’s trying to keep everyone happy.. But in completely the wrong way..

    I wish I could run away for a while and let everything sort itself out.. It’s exhausting and a worry

  459.  #459Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Thank you, I really like your words and your speech Serenity..
    In fact I agree what you said whole heartedly in your 1st reply, even feeling compassion for him. He doesn’t organise his life effectively and expects everyone else to step in.
    Eg. New year we were short of money and planned on staying in. After a chat with friends he signed us up for a big super club VIP booth NYrs eve, hotel the lot.. I wasn’t happy he hadn’t discussed, he said i was being a b1tch and anyone else would be grateful! Not to worry about money, he’d sort it..
    When new year came, I ended up paying most of it..
    This issue clearly affects a lot of things – child, money etc he’s impulsive.. I agree he’s trying to keep everyone happy.. But in completely the wrong way..

    I wish I could run away for a while and let everything sort itself out.. It’s exhausting and a worry

  460.  #460Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 8:27 am

    457 – Starbright

    I know. However, even with his mum and sister he thinks he is doing no wrong.

  461.  #461The girl on October 20, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Dearest Rori
    I have a question which for me is so important;
    I met this so amazing guy this summer
    He went straight to my heart.
    We did not click, we did not change number
    he is a friend of my families
    It was the first time I met him
    I am 38 and I cannot remember feeling like this before
    After we left that town, I he was still in my heart.
    Only there, very deep inside of my heart.
    After a month I decided to send him a funny sms
    he answered
    he saw it as if I tried something, and yes I did.
    I wrote another sms
    he answered me that I was a very nice girl but he did not feel “it” for me and wished me good luck
    I sended two more sms and he answered them,very nicely and very sympatic
    I accepted, that he was not interested. I appologized for the way I had contacted him and I got this very nice sms again that it was absolutely no problem,that I had done good and unfortunately he did not click.
    I did not answer, I am not planning to answer.The more we talked through these sms es I felt deper for him in my heart.He is 37 and single with no children,
    and he told me it doesn´t click often with girls.
    I really do accept that he do not want to go on a date with me or anything else.
    He is though, the most amazing guy I ever met and I feel that we could be the best couple, and I know he will guys almost never change their mind and I accept it.But do you have any advice, anyway?Can I do something? I know I should forget about him but it is impossible.I do not even want to forget him.He meant and mean very much to me and he have touched my heart in a way that is unforgettable.Do you have anything to say about it?
    lots of love/

  462.  #462The girl on October 20, 2012 at 8:34 am

    PS…I used feeling messages in the last sms and I am very sure that is why he answered it so nicely 🙂

  463.  #463Tereana on October 20, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Oh, Miss Bells – ugh. That sounds awful. It reminds me of when my friend discovered her bf had been cheating in her – as in sleeping with a lot of other women. Contacting them on match is just as bad. Pick up your stuff and go. Tell HS (if that’s the guy who’s been on match when you’ve been sleeping with him) that something came up, and go with this other guy. Even if the other guy is just for fun, go for it. He sounds nice and genuine. Yes, pull back and be distant. If HS asks you what’s up, then you can tell him. But an angry confrontation probably won’t make him want to change anything…he’d have to realize that he’s going to lose you. Or that he’s losing you already….((hugs))

  464.  #464Femininewoman on October 20, 2012 at 8:44 am

    RE 423 Tam as CCarter would say “the man in the story is him and woman in the story is you”. Maybe English was trying to send you a subliminal message of what he might be thinking about you. It might even be a subliminal threat that if you are dating other men he might walk. But that is all crap. Men know they don’t own you until they claim you. About the trip to Jamaica, I am pretty sure it would be fun but as CCarter suggests, you should be clear that you would do that kind of trip with a man with whom you are in a committed relationship that is going somewhere. That way when he thinks of you he thinks of you as a forever girl, not a girlfriend for now. CCarter suggests that when they want this type of get away with a woman they are not projecting any further than that moment. They just want a companion for that trip kinda thing. In the meantime we generally assume that it means more.

  465.  #465Femininewoman on October 20, 2012 at 8:49 am

    LiliBee thank you for the post on stuckness. It reminds me of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. He seemed like he was stuck his whole life maybe because he loved Catherine who had married another man. He made his whole life miserable after that and the lives of everyone else around him, including his beloved’s daughter. I am looking at my own life’s stuckness. Just yesterday a supervisor told me to pretend to be an ant. Everytime they fail in an attempt to do something they keep trying until one day they finally make it to where they are trying to go. He was talking about my career and not giving up. It was really a profound analogy that gave me hope. I intend to apply it to relationships with men where I choose not to remain so stuck on one man that I can’t the million others in front of me.

  466.  #466Smile on October 20, 2012 at 8:51 am

    461 FW/tam

    I would love to go away with you but this is something I save for a man I am in a relationship with.

    This is just me practising by the way as to what I would say. I want to get better at speaking fm to a man in the moment. At the minute I spend ages editing and thinking about stuff then text. I want them to just roll of my Tongue in the moment.

  467.  #467Femininewoman on October 20, 2012 at 8:55 am

    RE 418 Sirenity/SG that’s the reason I stopped commenting. I sense it is a very unhealthy dynamic that keeps going through the cycle of rinse, wash and repeat. It really doesn’t read like romance. For me it is more like endurance, resentment, tolerate. I don’t see anything that suggests cherish, adore, worship. Men want to do for their women. I keep thinking of this man as a taker.

  468.  #468Rori Raye on October 20, 2012 at 9:17 am

    The girl – I’m so sorry you’re in this emotional situation – and it’s called “a crush.” The work required to transform a man who is not interested into one who is is the stuff of movies. It hardly ever works – and often takes dramatic circumstances beyond our control. On the other hand, Tom McKnight has written a very interesting book called “Love Tactics” which, essentially, is about creating a friendship with a man that transcends everything else, and somehow compels him to be in a relationship with you. The only thing is – the man still has to be interested in a friendship. He has to want to be around you. He has to have SOME romantic feeling for you. Please, please, please participate here, and begin to Circular Date so you can get a better feel for how men actually are, and how they operate, and see if you can get a feel for when a man is “into” you.

    Also – did it ever occur to you that perhaps this man (who doesn’t click often with girls) is gay? Love, Rori

  469.  #469Rori Raye on October 20, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Helen, I’ll forward this to my customer service team and see if they can contact you and help you…Love, Rori

  470.  #470Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Actually sleeping with others FEELS worse–but the message is the same.
    I am still deciding how to deal with this.

    I have considered telling him a story about two OTHER people. Or saying “I feel so much better now that you’ve agreed to stay off Match–cause if you were still on there I would have to break-up with you.


    I know you’ve been contacting OW on Match –don’t even try to deny it—
    And it feels AWFUL to me–like your heart isn’t with me–I don’t want to be with a man who still feels the need to chase OW, even if they are just fantasy Match gals-I feel so inadequate, as if I were competing with thousands of perfect women who never burp or throw -up or say stupid shit–I don’t want to compete with ANYONE–I want to be with a man who is sure I’m the one–a man that loves me and appreciates me just as a I am–Who is ready to change their relationship status on FB and tell the world. I want to be half of a real couple. And maybe that just isn’t you. So I am going to go back to my house while you think about it… If this really isn’t going to work I’ll be sad, but I’ll survive. I just need to not be here if you are going to keep chasing OW.

  471.  #471Smile on October 20, 2012 at 9:42 am

    I feel astonished.

  472.  #472Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 9:42 am

    468 – I know FW, I sensed that.
    You gave me so much advice but at some point you’ve said all you can.
    I don’t come on and comment when he does nice things. After that week apart he stepped up and took me out on 3 dates. Nice places to eat and paid. It felt really good. We got on well. However, we’d not seen each other and when it feels good again the last thing felt like doing was talking about the problems. Unfortunately I’m learning, they don’t just disappear.

  473.  #473MissStix on October 20, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Smile 366

    Yes. Thank you for sharing this!!!! 🙂

  474.  #474Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 9:50 am

    No–the problems don’t disappear. I can relate to part about not wanting to talk about it when things are good. And right now–they ARE good as far as HS knows.
    I can spill or wait.

  475.  #475Smile on October 20, 2012 at 9:50 am

    I’m telling myself a new story.

    I feel relieved and see this as a sign of him coming out of cave. I feel I’ve inspired him to fly the parental nest. He feels more manly to me now that he’s making this move for himself. It feels like he’s moving forward in his life. He might not move towards me, that’s okay. It feels like a weight has been lifted. In my eyes he’s turned from boy to man by making this choice.

    Now I can feel desire for me lifting me up, carrying me forward. I feel less stressed now I’ve rid my mind if my negative vibes.

  476.  #476Smile on October 20, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Miss stix,  your welcome. It’s my favourite tool.

  477.  #477Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 10:05 am

    I am pretty sure I don’t want to go up there tonight as planned and have this discussion.

    I am not sure–should I CALL him and tell him something has come up?

    Or wait till he calls me with the same message. It doesn’t seem quite right to break a date without saying something.

    Or I could go and say what I have to say and see what happens. But–I don’t want the awkward moment of whether I am staying and if so where are we sleeping.

    Maybe go before dark so I can leave.

    Or tell him I am not going to go to his town today as i expected–but he is welcome to come to my house and get the computer if he wants. And then feel out the timing on the love script.

  478.  #478Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 10:05 am

    I am obviously feeling confused and disoriented.

  479.  #479MissStix on October 20, 2012 at 10:09 am


    You said you feel like you can’t win.

    This stuck out to me the most.

    And I see you clutching onto the crumbs. Crumbs are crumbs. The little bits he’s putting out there to keep you hanging on. Just enough. I would love to see you find a man capable of giving you, “it all” instead of just enough.

  480.  #480MissStix on October 20, 2012 at 10:16 am


    I would love too see you say “I am worth more than nibbling his crumbs to find nourishment.” You can find that nourishment within yourself. And have a whole circle of men more than willing to feed you grapes and fan you with palm fronds while you lay back on your Goddess throne.

    Try to envision this.

    My throne is a chaise with deep purple satin apholstery and hand carved ebony 😉 I get fet fat black cherries instead of grapes. mmm

  481.  #481Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Crumbs are crumbs and I deserve it all..
    Fell in love with the wrong man.
    Feel a lump in my throat.
    It’s hard.

  482.  #482Daria on October 20, 2012 at 10:25 am

    ((((Simply Goddess))))

  483.  #483Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I know. Thing is I know I could have lots of men, lots of dates. Easy. I’m not one to chase AT ALL. I’m so fussy.
    I have men on my facebook messaging wanting a date. If it doesnt work out with him let me take you out etc etc..

    Its rare I meet someone I feel like this for. When im in Im in completely. I wish I could go out tonight and meet someone. I’m going out tonight anyway but I wont meet anyone like that. I feel lonely without him.

  484.  #484Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Thanks Daria.. Feel so helpless x

  485.  #485Daria on October 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

    No Name CD (my most recent lover) resurfaced with a Skype address to skype w me (after hella weeks lol) he’s stepping up! figured skype out and everything

    the thing is, im already back now lol

    i just saw his message and regavve him my number

    im having wonderful feelings staying centered and just being

    men are all over me but they seem more involved with other masculine energy women around me, yet persistently ask for My number and contact me when they leave


  486.  #486Daria on October 20, 2012 at 10:29 am

    when im falling in love with damn near everbody and being in love with myself, the pain of being in love with one wrong man is so bearable and even healing


  487.  #487Daria on October 20, 2012 at 10:33 am

    i feel squirty with happiness dry on the outside ,kinda fuzzy right under my skin


    i wwant to stir myself up and warm myself and feel all gooey and swirly

    that would feel like a great massage and a rest

  488.  #488Smile on October 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

    When I first came to the blog, some one re posted something about being a pond and receiving. I can’t really remember who it was written by or any more detail I just remember thinking ‘I get it!’ and all roris work seemed to be summed up for me.

    Does anyone remember the post I’m talking about and where I could find it again…?

  489.  #489Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I am going to go up and get my prescription cashed in HS’s town. I am out of meds and the script is still up there. While there I will drop of the computer and have a chat.
    Still early enough.

  490.  #490Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Haven’t heard from him all day..
    He’s just put on facebook

    “Curry, munchies and film with little legs. Joys of growing up.. and I wouldnt change it for the world!”

    I know now daughter is off for a week on school holidays.. No wonder hes caused an argument, nothin new.. Every bloody time..

  491.  #491Simply Goddess on October 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

    He’s put it to hurt me.. never puts anything like that
    I put as my status “Go out with some glamourous girls or sit in and watch x factor on my own?” Everyone put to go out..

    Then his status came.. Argh.. It does hurt..

  492.  #492Sassy on October 20, 2012 at 11:00 am


    Join me on my new site and enjoy some great jewelry:


    Your privacy is the utmost importance to me and will NEVER
    be revealed.

  493.  #493Sassy on October 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Miss Bells,

    Good luck. I feel sad reading about all of your confusion.

  494.  #494Miss Bells on October 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I have a man “sniffing around” me. 8 years younger I’m guessing. Cute.
    I would go to his winery thing–but I am feeling sleep deprived right now.
    HS’s Matchcapade kept me up till 2 AM–then my housemate put his alarm on SNOOZE and left. It woke me up at six AM.
    I feel like I don’t look as good as I want to.

    But–maybe HS WILL “feel” this other dude showing up. I am not discouraging artist dude even though I supposedly have a boyfriend.

  495.  #495MissStix on October 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

    (((simply goddess)))


  496.  #496Smile on October 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

    It feels great to relax. I’m switching my brain off and entering the world of strictly. I’m imagining I’m a dancer and my dream man is sweeping me off my feet. That would feel romantic 

  497.  #497Dominique on October 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Lovely Sassy, thank you for sharing.


  498.  #498Sassy on October 20, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Watching “He’s just not that into you” Ugh, eye opening

  499.  #499Sassy on October 20, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Oh, Dominique. Thank you!!! Come back often

  500.  #500Dominique on October 20, 2012 at 11:51 am

    I will, Sassy, have my eye on some hoops. 🙂


  501.  #501Smile on October 20, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Beautiful sassy 

  502.  #502Sassy on October 20, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Thank you, Smile! I feel so excited and giddy, lol.

  503.  #503MS on October 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    I’ve had a really peaceful ‘me’ day – wandered round the shops, was just happy and people kept coming to my help and being so pleasant and helping me which was nice as on a Saturday people are generally just trying to get their shopping done. There’s a lot to be said for having a peaceful vibe about you. I cooked nourishing food and am sitting with a glass of wine listening to the radio. I feel I did the right thing telling G I needed to move on, but when I’m feeling so mellow I just miss him and I know he’s going through bad times. I feel bad having told him by email that I was leaving the relationship, but then he did leave me without contact for 2 months. I have so much love to offer, why do I feel the need to feel sympathy for G, he has been so down on himself for a long time and I was finding it hard to handle. He wrote he feels sorry for what he’s put me through but just isn’t in the place for a relationship. Letting go even when you’re sure there’s no relationship is so hard. But I’m getting a lot of energy from this site and am just going to go against my nature to send him an uplifting message which is what I normally do for people I care about, and keep leaning back and focusing on me and what I deserve…thank you for the positivity.

  504.  #504Tam on October 20, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    I feel like I have finally arrived in Florida
    I feel so much better
    People are smiling and happy and saying hello to me everywhere..
    Men are honking their horns at me as I walk on the sidewalk.
    My friends are starting to come out of the woodwork and I have dinner dates and breakfast dates (with friends not CD’s)
    I remember what I wanted, thanks to English CD who reminded me who I was and what I like
    I let go of conditions that no longer serve me, I have decided to close my heart to MrP and no longer speak to him with feeling messages or the ‘Rori way’, as I don’t want him to step up and hence continue the misery any longer. I want us to be friends and it will be on my terms and when I am ready. That’s all.
    I had a total turnaround today.
    I hope this is ‘real’.
    It feels like a switch in my brain has been flicked and like I have woken up from delusion or a long sleep.
    Long may it last.

  505.  #505Tam on October 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    465. FW, I don’t think I will go to Jamaica with English CD, it has just reminded me of what it is like to be included in plans, advance plans, to be booked, to be adored and cherished.
    It reminded me of a lot of things.
    In any case, I do not want to push him into claiming me at all, as I am not really into him…so I am certainly not pressurising when I don’t even want him (ever or yet, who knows). So if I decided to go to Jamaica, which is unlikely, I’d feel happy to go as a non-gf…and as just a trip with a guy friend….I will cross that bridge when we get to it.

  506.  #506Starla on October 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Hey ladies:)
    I’m at the coffee shop. I spent the morning running errands in my new car:D and I got myself some feminine accessories for my car, like a subtly rhinestone studded leather steering wheel cover and a black fur seatbelt pad so it doesn’t irritate my skin on my neck and chest.

    Now I’m here working on some promotional materials for a great band in Europe.

    I heart my life.

    And I feel eager to get through this work so I can go home and be lazy 😀

  507.  #507MissStix on October 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm


    Sounds fabulous!

    I love my girly car accessories 🙂

  508.  #508Starla on October 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Well, all that writing flowed right out of me very quickly, and I’m done with my work:)

    Hehe, I feel charmed and blessed and magical.

    I think it’s so cool that I make money doing things like this.

    And I can see myself working totally for myself in the next few years. And working maybe 20 hours a week at that.

    Love my life.

  509.  #509Starla on October 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Miss Stix,
    What girly accessories do you have for your car? I feel so curious!!

  510.  #510Goddess Lily on October 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    (((Simply Goddess)))

    I know its easier to vent about the bad stuff but I feel tension in my stomach reading HIS words.

  511.  #511Femininewoman on October 20, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    SG you are such a beuatiful girl who deserve the absolute best

  512.  #512zara on October 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    304: April Rose says:

    ***I was not his safe harbour.

    Oh no.

    I see that now.

    The jolt has turned me completely around.***


    I want to be a safe harbor to available men who can become my captain.
    You dodged a bullet with this one.
    He is married to another woman, he can not become my captain.
    He is just looking for a safe home to be in where he can go on with his work and day to day life. Like an orphan goes from shelter to shelter.

    If he had dropped dead in front of you, his wife and legal family would have stepped in YOUR picture, taken all his belongings, fame, souvenirs you bought for him, and whatever products from his life and shut you out of his own burial.
    Does not matter that you worked with him to create what they’d had taken, it’d still would have been their right to take it from you.
    Does not matter if it is your energy and your love that made him create whatever he created, they’d still would have had the legal right to take it all from you.

    You took the risk of being the forever mistress when you let him move in with you before he legally let go from his old flame, and before he did anything FOR you.
    The mistress who gives shelter, energy and warmth to the man so he can go on living and producing for his legal family, while she receives crumbs in return and is pointed at and shut out when he dies.
    Or is left when she expresses her needs.

    He did not divorce and he did not make a will to protect you from his old flame and from his family.
    His instinct did not tell him to claim you as his beloved one even if only after his death, through his will…
    May it be his love button has been broken and he loved you the way he can love, with no feeling of belonging. A bit like some orphans adapt to the foster mother until they find a new shelter.
    May it be the subconscious link he created to his old legal flame is still aching and he can’t cut it loose. He might say he does not want the old legal flame to get half their family assets through a divorce. Yet, by staying married to her, he states to Universe she is the one who deserves all of it when he dies.

    Whether he lives with you or the next woman, regardless, another woman wears his name.
    He chose to keep belonging to his wife legally or to keep his wife belonging to him legally . Or whatever other way it goes in his mind, who cares, the struggle is his, not yours.
    I feel relieved you are freed from being in the middle of his personal marital fight.

    Life gives you a break today.
    A chance to get back on your feet and open your heart to available men.
    To practice being a safe harbor to available men.
    A chance to discover what you want, to state what you want and to receive what you want before you commit to any man.

    I am rooting for you.


  513.  #513zara on October 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    438: Tam

    ***Regarding the imaginary relationship, well I believe MrP was often in an imaginary relationship with me in the beginning, he saw me as his gf but never communicated that to me…so we had lots of misunderstandings…and deep down I do know how he feels about me – but he is a very troubled man and I can’t go into his problems/issues too much here..it is amazing how he has come so far in his life, by overcoming a lot of obstacles and incredible intelligence. Mainly, I think I had the impulse of looking after him. I often felt sorry for him, and that is not the basis of a relationship. I often felt I had to protect him from something, but he is a grown man.
    What can I say?
    I feel more sad for him that he is losing me, than for me that I am losing him. Honestly. He really has nobody. He has peeved everybody off with his behaviour, friends and family..and they do come back but he is fundamentally alone. And he feels that.
    But in time maybe we can be friends. I would love to have him in my life, but always at a safe distance.***

    As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn’t work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were

    Byron Katie ”