Get Your Man to Come To YOU…

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Leaning Forward and Leaning Back are Tools that help you “get” – in your BODY – what the “energy flow” between you and a man feels like.

And most of us are ALWAYS Leaning Forward.  Because Leaning Forward is the same as “giving, serving, offering, doing…” all the Masculine Energy things we’re taught to do with and for a man that absolutely don’t work.

What works is to Lean Back and Appreciate a man when he “gives, serves offers” and “does” for US.

Here’s that basic question, from Mira:

“Dear Rori, What does “leaning forward”  look like when you are sitting in a chair at a social event –  What is the body posture? Mira

Here’s my answer:

Mira, Leaning forward looks like sitting on the edge of your chair or bar stool, and leaning toward the room, or toward a person you’re speaking with.

   I know it’s had to lean back in a loud place – you almost have to get your ear to someone’s mouth in order to hear what they’re saying, and you have to lean in and shout to be heard – but no matter what, you can find as many moments as possible to lean back in the chair, or turn your barstool so your back can lean against the bar, then cross your legs and let your arm drape over the arm of the chair, or on the bar, or just softly in your lap or on the seat of the chair.

And what does Leaning Back do for you?

Lots of things.

It gives “air” and space between you and everyone else.  It gives every man in the place a chance to be drawn into you.  The energy exchange shifts, you look and feel more confident, and your inner man magnet kicks in.

Try it and let me know how it feels…

Love, Rori

 

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30 Comments

  1.  #1Linda B on September 18, 2008 at 5:38 am

    Thank you Rori, This is just good stuff. I have always
    leaned forward. I cant wait to try this. My boyfriend
    always always leans back. so if we both lean back.
    Can that work.. ? I look back in my life.. and I can tell you with every relationship I had.. who leaned back
    and who leaned forward. I was always more attracted
    to the ones who leaned back.



  2.  #2Trisha on October 5, 2008 at 9:50 pm

    Dear Rori, You Rock with your great do-able advice.
    This leaning back works every time i would remember to use it. i first tried it at the movies. i was always leaning into him and this one night i leaned to the opposite side of the chair in the theater. This felt so strange the first time doing this. The next thing i knew, he shifted his body towards me and reached for my hand. i now do it every where we go including restaurants, clubs, even in the car. i love it.



  3.  #3Jenaveeve on October 8, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    It’s true! Whenever I go out I just relax and lean back. Sure enough, a man always comes over to talk to me. I meet someone every time I go out which has lead to my circular dating (something Ive never never done before.) It’s definitely empowering because I feel I have choices and I am not focusing all of my energy on one particular man trying to get him (something Ive done many many times in the past.) Im learning soo much w Rori’s tools. And even tho I have not met anyone yet that I want to have a relationship with, I am practicing with all the men I am dating and know:D



  4.  #4Rori Raye on October 9, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    Dear Jenaveeve, Thank you for the comment – and I’m so proud to hear you’re trying Circular Dating – it really makes SUCH a difference. Keep practicing, and you’ll see – a great man will show up. Love, Rori



  5.  #5Cami on November 25, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    Rori, I have your Reconnect program and I tried this technique. I don’t know that it worked. Me and B met for lunch. I told him that he would have to pick me up at work which he did. I did what you suggested and stopped talking. I listened to his concerns about maybe losing his job that afternoon. I didn’t judge, criticize, suggest or comment, I just listened. He told me that he didn’t want a monologue and I told him that I just felt like listening to him. I leaned back, unzipped my heart and put my thoughts in my pelvis. There was a lot of silence. I just kept picturing little animals on the shore over his shoulder. He asked a few questions and I answered him every time. I tried to use the words “I feel” as much as I could. I tried very hard not to explain. He told me that I had an “enigmatic” smile on my face.
    When he dropped me back off at work I felt like there was a big void between us although I didn’t tell him this. The whole time I was with him I just wanted to show concern and talk more about him maybe losing his job but I didn’t because that would be leaning forward. Now I feel like I’ll never hear from him again and I would like to try again. The problem is that I can’t call him because that would be against the rules and leaning forward. I want to comfort him but how can I do this when I can’t call him and I’m pretty sure he won’t call me? I don’t feel like we reconnected.
    Also at lunch today I spilled soy sauce all over the table so I said “I feel like I need more napkins.” He did not offer me his or call the waiter over. Does this mean that he can’t “dance” with me? Is this a red flag that he can’t lean forward when I lean back? Please help, I’ve listened to your cds several times but I can’t seem to make the techniques work for me to reconnect with the man that I want to reconnect with.



  6.  #6Rori Raye on November 26, 2008 at 11:56 am

    Cami – Welcome, and you sound wonderful. From what you say – it seems to me you did brilliantly – the only tweak I can sense is the RECEIVING part, and the SHARING BACK part – which would have sounded like “Oh, man, what a bummer…” or “Oh, crap, that must feel awful…” “Or I’m so sorry you have to go through that…” and then – the “Passion Stories” (they’re in Reconnect I believe) – about “It feels good to be with you…” and “It feels weird to talk about feeling good when you’re going through such icky stuff, and yet I’m feeling so good about….”

    And yes, he might not be able to dance at all. By the way – there are no “Rules” in my method (except for the 4 Rules). It’s about “Tools.” Everything is about experimenting. Leaning forward and calling him isn’t about a rule I made up – it’s about how it feels to YOU, and about the result you get from him. And the Tools I give you are based on what works and what doesn’t work.

    Now – go out and Circular Date – build yourself up, go have fun, and you’ll have a much better chance of getting what you want.

    I’m not sure from your letter how you actually responded to him, whether or not you felt “Present” when you were with him – all that, so please keep commenting here and you’ll get lots of help. Love, Rori



  7.  #7Cami on November 27, 2008 at 4:09 am

    Hi Rori,

    I feel you are right. I wasn’t sure if/how to share back without seeming like I was leaning forward so I did stay quiet and just listened most of the time. I did tell him that I felt happy to be there with him but after I said it the comment felt like I was leaning forward. I definitely need to practice the receiving part. I have been a cactus most of my life and acting like a fern is difficult for me. I was trying to act like one when I really needed a napkin and I didn’t get what I needed until I asked the waiter. I feel that this has been a recurring theme throughout my life: if I don’t do/ask I don’t get. Hence my cactus state. I feel scared but I am willing to change.
    I did email him at work yesterday to see if he was still employed. I started the short email with “I feel empathtic about your situation.” LOL I’m working HARD to talk in this new “feeling” way. I’m quite left brained and pretty out of tune with my emotions (and others) unless it’s clearly happy, angry or sad. He emailed me back saying that he was still employed and thanked me for thinking about him. This made me feel really good inside. Was emailing first an act of leaning forward? Probably, but I feel the outcome was positive. I feel that his response was not one of leaning back. I did not reply back, I let him have the last word. In regards to circular dating, I struggle with this. I am working on changing my thinking that dating is not just about spending time with one man. I am also trying not to view dating as work but rather as a fun experience and an opportunity to practice new skills. I am still not sure if using your program will give me the outcome I set out to have (to get B to like me as much as he used to and as much as I like him) but I really appreciate your feedback regarding my particular situation. Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving.



  8.  #8Cami on November 27, 2008 at 4:22 am

    Oh I forgot to mention that at times I did feel present with him but when there was a lot of silence my mind just started to drift. When I looked at him and observed him I started to worry that maybe I was leaning forward with my eyes. This was especially true when he would look back at me. I wanted to touch him so much yet I didn’t. This feels so complex and overwhelming! He never touched me which at the time I didn’t think about but now looking back makes me feel a bit sad. Alright, enough about the past, I’m moving forward!



  9.  #9Trisha on November 27, 2008 at 9:47 am

    For me i find Leaning Back the hardest when things aren’t going well between in the relationship. There has been a major blow up this past week. We are in a time of separation. i chose to totally Lean Back. See, my FIRST response is always to “make everything better” (Over Functioning). A year ago i would have called him right away (even though it would have been bec i was panicking) in a frenzy of insecurity; trying to “fix it”. Well, using the Lean Back tool, i DIDN”T do it. He eventually called me and said,”Baby, you might not want to pick up the phone but i want you to know…i still love you.” i DIDN’T pick up the phone and i still haven’t called him back (after all, he didn’t ask me to either). i am in “decision mode” and using this separation time to really be honest with myself about this relationship. This man looks so good on the outside yet i’m coming more and more to the conclusion he just doesn’t have what it takes to support a marriage relationship. i am working on myself as well. i’ve been living in and with so much disappointment most of my life and, need to DEAL with this issue. Do any of us really know what love entails? What a commited relationship truly means? The “heart feelings” can mess me up so royally sometimes where i just “feel” like throwing all caution to the wind and to just go be with him. Good thing i am more mature then this now. i feel the desperation we go through esp. hormonally, is one of the main reasons we wind up being in a place of being taken advantage of. We all want to be loved and cared for and it seems we’re too quick to give up the one important element called Safety (and i don’t restrict this to being physically abused). i need to trust in the knowing i will receive a source of unconditional nurturing in a relationship and i will give the same. i was sobbing my eyes out last night. i was too much in my “head” thinking how sad and what a damn shame it is when people (like my man) are caught up in such deep emotional issues which sabatoge a potentially beautiful commited relationship. The Rori Raye tool i used was to put my hands over my head and get those thoughts down into my heart so i could forgive him. i “felt” like Leaning Forward, picking up the phone and leaving him a message saying,”Sweetheart, i still love you too!” i did NOT do it! This morning i was glad i didn’t make the call bec he needs to get his act together. i have to let go (which doesn’t mean i don’t care). i have to love myself MORE by letting him deal with himself and to start making better choices for him self. So, even though things are messed up between us right now…i have to continue to Lean Back, thank myself and being good to myself. There is a reason we choose the men we do and if we’re not healthy, the relationship isn’t going to be either. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.



  10.  #10Sandra on January 27, 2009 at 11:51 am

    Rori,
    You are right. It is more difficult to accomplish leaning back in a noisy, busy environment…but I did it. The result was amazing. Here I was, in a bar filled with people and music and I was leaning back in my chair up against the wall.
    I was making eye contact with men. I didn’t always hold the eye contact for 5 seconds however, as one of the men I was practicing with was there with a date! It felt good to practice but intrusive because their relationship was not obvious, so I kept it to 3 seconds. By the end of the evening he had moved closer to me, and actually spoke to me. I smiled and moved away. Another man spoke to me as well. My question is, can this tool be so powerful that it works with men who are with other women?! Wow, Rori.
    Sandra



  11.  #11Trisha on January 28, 2009 at 10:03 am

    Dear Sandra,
    i’m not Rori and yes, it will be interesting to see how she answers your question….
    My first response after reading it was,”Why would you WANT to do that to another woman when she’s out with him? Why would you want to use this tool as some kind of a game?”
    Would you want this done to you?
    Then i thought…
    “if it DID work then, to me, this particular man could not be trusted yet, it could also mean he’s not really THAT into the woman he’s out with.”
    Looking forward to seeing what Rori says about her own game plan.
    Last night i went on my second “bridging” and leaned back the whole time while at a popular eating establishment. The guy i was with was leaning so forward, he was almost in the middle of the table! Yes…it sure works but like you Sandra….i am interested in how far do we take it?



  12.  #12Sandra on January 28, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Dear Trisha,
    This tool isn’t to be used as a game. I wasn’t attempting to draw him away from another woman. It wasn’t about her, or him. It was about ME! It wasn’t about the goal of acquiring a man, it was about me feeling confident, feeling sexy, feeling like a treasure, a goddess. I chose not to hold the glance for more than a few seconds, because he was with another woman. But, Trisha, he was looking at me! I didn’t trick him, or approach him, I just accepted his admiration, and left it at that. By the way, he wasn’t the only one looking!
    I think it’s more about flirthing with the world, than flirting with one man in particular. My goal isn’t to find any one man, or take one from some other woman. My goal is to enjoy the company of men while getting to know them and learn how to build relationships that make me happy.
    Perhaps Rori will have some more advice.
    Thank you for your comment,
    Sandra



  13.  #13Robin on April 6, 2009 at 9:19 am

    I have a question about Leaning Forward vs. Leaning Back, and touch.

    I remember hearing in ‘Reconnect’ that the exception to Leaning Back is a ‘Passion Story’, and we can Lean Forward then.

    I have also read about the power of touch and how from a man’s perspective, touch is a very powerful form of affirmation. Can we observe the fabric of their shirts or their watch or cufflinks and touch it and really feel the texture? Can we touch their arm or hand when leaning forward to tell a passion story? Is this working against us? How about if its a guy who says he wants to be “just friends?”

    I actually tried this yesterday, with a guy I work with who said he wants to be “just friends.” He grabbed my hand and just held it. I felt really freaked, but just let him hold me hand and continued my passion story. Afterwards, I was worried that I did something wrong….

    Seems like it would be ok in theory, but again, this guy has said he wants to be “just friends”.



  14.  #14Rori Raye on April 6, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Robin, Welcome – and Thank you for the story. I instantly, of course, want to say how powerful you were in your story and connecting to him physically, and that’s why he held your hand. But I wasn’t there.

    He also might have taken your hand to stop you from reaching out to him and touching him, and holding your hand was his way of being your “friend.”

    No matter what – practice on EVERY MAN – and if you catch yourself “crushing” on or even thinking about a man who is not pursuing you – stay AWAY from him. Love, Rori



  15.  #15Robin on April 7, 2009 at 10:54 am

    Rori,

    Thank You!

    Can touch be a part of the practice on men we are dating? I

    m trying to follow how my body feels when I do this, but I can’t tell if feeling scared is due to new heights of intimacy that trigger fear, or if its due to my intuition telling me that I’m Leaning Forward and pursuing through touch.

    Any opinions regarding this? It seems so subtle, and yet I feel like it could make a difference.



  16.  #16Trisha on April 7, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    Well Robin, you asked for “opinions” so here’s mine…depending on your level of core need being physical touch, it could be a part of your nature to be touchy feely. i know when i’m trying to make a point, i notice i touch the other person while talking. As for a love interest, i wait to see where he’s at. In other words, if he tends to be one of the “emotionally closed off” type and finds it uncomfortable to touch, i lean back until he comes to me. i WON’T be the first to reach out. i have to actually force myself to do this until he feels safe enough to come to me esp if he’s been through a few broken relationships. There are other times when my need to be affectionate comes into being and i will find myself reaching for his face to squeeze it in a loving way to let him know i care. A quick rub on his arm or a quick smooth to his cheek when he’s done somethng romantic or loving. i make sure when he DOES lean forward to me, i am warm and receptive. Remember…Rori tells us her tools are to be tried and used. If they work and it feels good, you use them again. Hope this helps at least a little bit.
    Blessings to you.
    Trisha



  17.  #17Robin on April 8, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    Hi Trisha,

    Thank you! I love yout ideas! Yes, touch is very important to me, definitely one of my core needs. I am actually really stressing about this….I have been doing really well, and now I’m like ‘omg, what if that was a mistake, what if Im backtracking on all the progress I’ve made’

    We were playing with a pen, writing notes back and forth to each other, and the space between us slowly disappeared. He asked something, I started w/ the story, touched the arm…

    I think that as long as you are not reaching forward and reacting out of nerviousness or fear, its ok? I said something about his pen, I hope not to make something happen ( even though it did…)

    I guess I should just chalk it up to experimenting…



  18.  #18Trisha on April 9, 2009 at 10:08 am

    Dear Robin,
    first off NO WORRIES!! Stop dwelling on what you DID do and keep going forward with the baby steps Rori always refers to. We will make some mistakes along the way yet they get less and less i PROMISE you. We woman have been doing things the exact opposite for so long it’s going to take time, faith, experimenting with the different tools to see which ones work for us individually. Like Rori says, it’s scarey in the beginning to do things we haven’t been doing yet, with practice i ASSURE you…you will find yourself turning into the reversible “Bon Bon girl”…strong on the inside soft on the outside. Keep reading Rori’s emails and these blogs and if your’re one of the more fortunate ones, purchase her cds/dvds. Go to the blog called Overfunctioning and the other one about Your boyfriend wants space. You can read more of what i’ve experienced and what i had to say about Rori’s tools.
    You are loved.
    Trisha



  19.  #19Carenza on April 9, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    I have noticed when I imagine leaning back which feels so good to do compared to leaning forward which is what i have done all my life with men I get this strange tingle in the soles of my feet. I am not even sure what it is but it feels really nice and warm energy.



  20.  #20Robin on April 9, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Trisha,

    Wow, I read your story and I am so happy for you that you are feeling so much more empowered inside. I started out as a complete doormat, and now things are starting to pick up and move forward, as I establish my boundaries. I am changing the rules, and some people don’t understand, b/c I’ve allowed them to walk all over me in the past, and now I am simply not allowing it,

    I thank you for your encouragement, b/c sometimes (I know with me!) we want to go back to those old, old patterns and we feel tempted to self-destruct all of our progress. I remember Rori talking about how new fear is just another level of handling feelings, so I’m just gonna bust thru this fear….

    I’m curious though, what is the River and the Pond principal. I don’t remember that tool. Which program is that in? Which program have you been working with?

    I just had tell you how awesome it is that you have been able to break free of that man, and how happy I am for you and how great it feels to hear about another woman’s journey…
    Many blessings and love to you also…



  21.  #21Trisha on April 11, 2009 at 7:34 am

    Dear Robin,
    the river and the pond is way to long to put the whole thing here. i’ve given you here the main “vein” of it.

    You’ve perhaps (I hope) already stopped
    initiating conversations and sex and affection.
    And still, your man may only step up very
    little of the time.
    So – here’s a Tool to increase your POWER in
    this situation – and that’s to: BE A POND.
    Okay, so what does that look like – to be a
    pond?
    Well, a pond is a gatherer. Water comes in and
    stays in the pond, like it’s a cup.
    A pond is also deep. It has a bottom that’s
    earth, and sometimes the earth gets stirred up and
    the pond gets cloudy and dark, and sometimes it’s
    still and everything solid falls to the bottom and
    the pond is clear.
    A pond is a RESERVOIR. It HOLDS things.
    And, it nurtures ITSELF.
    A pond feeds the greenery all around it, and
    the fish and frogs and one-celled creatures that
    live in it. A pond supports life.
    And if you go to a pond, you can drink, you can
    find something to eat, you can relax, you can lay
    down and be yourself.
    A pond doesn’t jump up when you call or fix
    dinner when you ask it to.
    A pond doesn’t start sex, but once you wade in,
    a pond responds with everything from gentle swirls
    to powerful waves.
    A pond can be small, or a pond can be big – it
    can be a LAKE, actually.
    So how does that look on the couch when you’re
    watching TV?
    That looks like you leaning way back and away
    from him and putting your feet up on his lap.
    That looks like you taking off your shirt and
    just sitting there topless.
    That looks like you having your own snack and
    not even offering to take care of him.
    That looks like you laughing your head off at
    what you’re watching on TV and not even THINKING
    about HIM or whether or not he’s going to touch
    you.
    That looks like, if he’s standoffish, saying
    (during the commercial or when the show’s over) “I
    feel a bit disconnected…is there anything I
    should know?”
    Or…”This feels a bit weird and lonely to me.”
    Or…”I feel untouched. It doesn’t feel good.”
    Or…”I don’t enjoy being invited into the
    bedroom to join you and you’re already lying
    down…it just feels too passive to me. I liked
    it when you grabbed my hair and kissed me
    passionately that time in the parking lot…I miss
    that…”
    Ponds talk. They speak their feelings. AND a
    pond does not jump out of the earth.
    And…remember this…if a pond does not get
    watered, by the clouds, or by a stream or river
    that flows into it – it will dry up.
    Do you feel dried up?
    That’s an awful feeling.
    A pond might say “I feel like I’m drying up…”
    So – it’s not enough to just ACT like a pond
    and not Overfunction. You have to FEEL like a
    pond.
    You have to not even let your brain get to
    worrying about what he’s doing – because that
    would be like the pond worrying about how the
    river is flowing – and ponds don’t worry.
    Ponds are way too busy supporting all the pond
    creatures that live inside it – like YOU attend to
    your body, and your heart, and your hair, and your
    nails and your feet, and your sensuality and your
    orgasms, and what’s really important to you out in
    the world, and everything that’s related to your
    PLEASURE.
    If he can learn to act like a River – he will.
    He’ll all of a sudden start flowing to you –
    because that’s what men are programmed to do.
    Men we meet and know may have LEARNED to be
    ponds – but inside their DNA, inside the cells of
    their bodies, is a HUGE, overpowering desire to be
    a River and to flow to the woman who can RECEIVE
    everything he wants to GIVE.
    And, if he can’t – if he’s damaged or broken,
    or just cannot learn anything new – then you’ll
    know.
    And the most amazing thing is – by then – you
    won’t CARE.
    By the time you’ve settled into the
    gloriousness of being a pond in a romantic
    relationship – if he isn’t acting like a River,
    you’re going to be bored.
    Yes, – you’ll be bored with him. You’ll
    be done.
    No pain, no heartache – just “ick..I seem to
    have lost it for him…”
    Try Being a pond. Try imagining yourself not
    only ACTING like a pond, and leaning back and
    cutting back on all that you’ve been doing in the
    relationship – and try imagining yourself FEELING
    like a pond.
    Soft, in the ground, open, warm, inviting,
    liquid, constantly changeable and growing – a
    beautiful combination of dark earth and clear
    water – a fertile place for love.
    And when you sit across from him at dinner, or
    next to him on the couch in front of the TV – FEEL
    like a pond.

    so Robin, can you be a “pond”?
    Love Trisha



  22.  #22Robin on April 13, 2009 at 8:45 am

    Trisha,
    Wow, I LOVE it! Thanks!
    It all goes back to rock-solid boundaries and loving yourself. The love you have for yourself has to be so much more important, and much stronger than the feelings you have for ANY man. That’s what it boils down to…

    Thank you! Thank you!
    Robin

    PS. I read you like to sing. Congrats! What type of music do you sing?



  23.  #23Trisha on April 13, 2009 at 9:52 am

    Dear Robin,
    your SO welcome! Keep reading and digesting in the “babysteps” Rori always refers to. Before you know it, the mantras “i am the pond”, “i am the honey”,”i am the gift” will be there inside of you waiting to help you.
    The power you will experience goes beyond anything you can imagine.
    The original man was made to be the “dragon slayer”, so to speak, and had the need to conquer and protect his “lady”. When woman started chasing after them, Doing and “over functioning”, caring more about what THEY were doing then about what WE were doing…all hell broke out as far as i’m concerned. No wonder relationships are all twisted around these days. YOU have to come to the place where you realize YOUR own worth even with all the imperfections and the “Nasty voice”.
    Let the man come to you! Put yourself on dating sites too yet… do NOT go after the men…let them email YOU first. i won’t even “browse” the men. i posted my profile and let it be.
    i mostly love to keep the songs of Patsy Cline alive, although i do old school as well.
    IF you’re a believer, keep praying the LORD will bring you to higher ground and don’t dwell on the things of the past…give it ALL to HIM. It’s amazing what kind of plan HE has for us.
    Love trisha



  24.  #24Uschi on September 6, 2009 at 6:15 am

    wish I could afford her ebooks and dc’s but without a job right now I an kind of out of it but sounds good what I read here just dont think it is enough to get him back



  25.  #25Uschi on September 6, 2009 at 8:41 am

    some more about leaning back – I have not tried it yet and I am afraid if I do he is going to just lean back too and not come torwards me



  26.  #26Trisha on September 7, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Dear Uschi:

    Fear is the culprit once again. For me, if the man walks away from me, i see it as a gift. Rejection is a GOOD thing. Your insecurites are kicking in. You need to lean back in order to see the results. Rori always tells us the man can pick up on our vibes wheter we realize it or not. The only way to get your balance and answers is to Lean back. It keeps him off balance and gives you the high degree of difficulty you need.
    Love~Trisha



  27.  #27Jennifer on September 10, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    I am wondering if anyone can help me…. I just found Rori and all of her tools, and because of them I have realized that I am a complete “overfunctioner” and it was almost liking being hit over the head with realization that DUH… no wonder why NONE of my relationships work! I also realized that the man I have been “involved” with for the last year and a half is keeping me in a “imaginary relationship”…so I started doing what the blogs said and I got my energy out of there. I also started to completely lean back..and surprise surprise, next thing I know I can’t get rid of him. He has stepped up, takes me shopping, wants to take me out to dinner…but still no commitment. SO… I was just going to continue to work on using the tools. BUT he has recently taken a job at the same place that I working, and now because of my position in the company.. .it is my JOB todo things for him and to manage him… so my question is this… how do I “Lean Back” when it is my job to “Lean Forward”? Any suggestions?



  28.  #28Jennifer on September 10, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    Uschi,

    I know how you feel about being scared to lean back, fearful that he will not lean into you. Let me share something with you. I felt the exact same way because my Self Esteem was soo low. I thought for sure that if I turned from him, if I stopped doing everything that the relationship would fail and he would just “move on” to someone else. And then I took a deep breath and I realized… I am worth chasing. I bring a lot of wonderful things to this man’s life. I realized that I was not allowing him to be the man in the relationship, that I was doing all the work, and I didn’t know how to just “BE”. And then… I was completely surprised.
    When I decided to have “the talk” with him about not seeing each other anymore, and that I don’t need another “friend” but a boyfriend, I decided we would go to a neatural place to talk, it happen to be the bar next to our place of work, but it was a place we had hung out at several times in the past. I gave my speech and the whole entire time, I was leaning back on my bar stool. Luckily, it’s a dive and not very busy so I did not have to worry about yelling anything or having to lean in to be heard. Anyway, as the conversation went on, not only did he begin to lean forward, he started to stretch his body across the table, and by the time we were done talking he was leaning over the table, with his arms reached out towards me. I had to hook my foot onto the rim of the bar stool across from me to keep my balance from falling out of the chair all together. It was crazy, and I couldn’t get the smile off my face. Next thing I know, when we do hang out (which is only once a week and only if he’s asked me to dinner or has asked if he could come over to mow my lawn or fix something for me) he is constantly coming up and hugging me. I about jumped a foot when we were watching tv the other night and he reached over and started rubbing my feet. HE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that not only does it work, but be brave enough to experience the joy of just “being” and “being surpised”. Welcome the thought of being chased, because you are worth it. Good luck!



  29.  #29Rori Raye on September 11, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    Welcome, Jennifer, and work doesn’t count. Just do your job in a way that makes you feel good…and stop COMPLETELY when you are in a non-job situation, or speaking with him privately, even at work (at his request). Don’t forget to Circular Date. No ring, no exclusivity…remember that…! Love, Rori



  30.  #30Jennifer on September 11, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    Thanks Rori! That helps me, because he is always walking into my office (I manage a department where I have several cubicals and I am the “main” desk, so my office door is NEVER closed), and I feel that he uses these oppertunities as an “excuse” to spend more time with me. Plus, I am just an extention away.. he calls my line, and I don’t have the option of not answering it. But I do have an option to not answer my cell phone or texts after work. I even try leaning back in my chair, but it feels funny, almost slouchy, and he always looks at me a little funny when I take a step back from him when he walks right up on me. What I just don’t seem to understand, is that he wants to spend 24/7 with me, and we use too…all the time, till I said no more. We’d spend all day at work, and then he’d come over to my house and stay until 1 or 2 in the morning (Sometimes even spend the night), we would do this Monday thru Friday, and then we’d hang out the whole entire weekend. We even spent the holidays together… yet, he doesn’t want to make that “commitment” for more then just friends. So frustrating… He did tell me however, one time… that there was “No Chase” and that he likes a chase. That was when I was really, and I do mean REALLY overfunctioning. Now… I want to give a good chase. I’d like to Circular date, but I am not a skinny girl. I am attractive (And he is extremely good looking), but I am extremely overweight. And no… I’m not a size 4 complaining about not being a size 2. It’s my personality and my charm that attract men.. it’s just not that easy in my little town to get men to see past the fat to get to the charm. But I will try. I bought the E-Book… wow…. can’t wait to get some of the other programs. Thank you!