What “The Talk” Will Do…

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woman in chairHere’s a letter from Nancy – with a situation we’ve all been in. She wants to be honest, open and forthcoming with her man of 6 months, and yet – it’s all about “where she’s coming from.”

If you have to tell a man he’s “hurting” you by backing away and appearing to “lose interest” in you – what can you really get from a “discussion” about it?:

The Question:

“Hi Rori,

I’m feeling big-picture confused about how to handle my relationship situation and would really appreciate your take on it.

On the one hand, it’s taken me almost 3 years of being single to meet someone I like as much as this guy, and feel so compatible with on so many levels. And for the first 5 months of our relationship he was doing and saying all the right things in terms of helping me feel happy and confident in our present and future. I don’t want to blow what seems like a very unusual connection and chance of future happiness.

On the other hand, I do still feel like he’s being a bit cool and distancing himself and I’m feeling really hurt and let-down and neglected. He didn’t contact me on Saturday and there has been a very definite temperature dropping change in how he is towards me.

So I feel like I really need to have a direct conversation with him, understand how he’s feeling and what he’s wanting or not wanting, and communicate that I’m feeling hurt and let-down and neglected. I feel that without talking to him directly, I’m really condoning his behavior and not letting him know that I need him to be different with me if it’s going to work out. I don’t want to keep feeling so sad and confused and neglected.

Practically, I feel like I should request a plan of when we’re going to see each other after next weekend in the next few months, as without a practical plan, with our busy schedules and living apart in different cities, it may continue like this and that means it wouldn’t work out. In June for example we planned to see each other every weekend and that was wonderful and we got closer.

However, I think that according to your system and framework (and I’m watching your Commitment program), you don’t suggest having a direct conversation about where the relationship is going and what I want that I’m not going. But can the situation really change and improve if I don’t communicate how I’m feeling authentically?

And you say it’s good to express feelings. But not sad or neglected or hurt feelings?

I would really appreciate your advice as I’m feeling confused and stuck.

Thanks! Nancy”

My Answer:

Nancy – Here’s the thing: Build Attraction first – then talk.

In other words, if he’s pulling away because he feels pressed and smothered, and because he can’t get to the inner Nancy in “general” because you’ve covered her up in everyday life, and his attraction to you has faded a bit – the time to “open up” is NOT in talking about the relationship!

It’ll just reinforce WHY he’s pulling away – AND, by the way – he likely doesn’t even KNOW why – he’s just not feeling it when he feels pressure to commit.

“Condoning” behavior doesn’t apply to “interest.” You can’t make a man more interested in you by not approving of, or not condoning his lack of interest.

He’s either interested or he isn’t.

You can’t make him love you by “telling” him to.

There are no ultimatums for or insisting on “love” that are possible in this world.

Commitment, however, is another matter (depending on his consistent level of interest).

AND you can’t make a disinterested man commit.

You have to interest him first, and then request commitment later.

However – if what you want is a man who is unwavering and committed, then approach him and discuss the relationship before you rebuild attraction – and your chances of pushing him further away rise to about 80%, but at least you’ll know and be able to move on.

I personally think six months is WAY too soon to do that.

You know me – I’m all about Circular Dating until the ring (if that’s what you want).

If you’re going to ask a man “yes or no” – the only answer a man who “isn’t sure” can give is “no.”

It’s like insisting a cat stay on your lap because you want it to. It doesn’t work.

Yeah, you’re right, it’s your cat. You feed and shelter and love it.

By all rights and reason, it “should” – it’s “supposed to” – sit on your lap.

And – though that might work with some dogs (he may eventually learn to sit on your lap out of fear, even if he doesn’t “want” to), it sure won’t work with a cat.

Training is training. You either hit the person, cat or dog – or you entice it with food, safety, fun and affection.

(And if you smear yourself with catnip – you’re way more likely to have that cat on your lap.

In my world, the ONLY option that’s discussable in this situation is to simply NOT be exclusive!

If you approach him with:

“Exclusivity means this to me (fill in the blank here)….and if this isn’t where we are right now, then it would feel better to keep my options open until you know what you’d like to have with me. Otherwise, I’m likely to lose my cool…I’m already starting to feel (fill in the blank here)…and I don’t like feeling that way….what do you think?”

That would be a fair and good conversation – and I’d be 100% supportive of this “No Girlfriend Speech.”

And yet – you have to be ready for it!

That’s why I want you to start Circular Dating BEFORE you discuss this with him, so you’re not thrown a curve ball.

That said – I don’t believe you can make a mistake!

So – Love to you, and please do what feels best for you. I know you’ll do fine, and no matter what – there’ll be learning happening.

Love, Rori


Posted in


  1.  #1Zara on July 31, 2013 at 8:14 am

  2.  #2Zara on July 31, 2013 at 8:16 am

  3.  #3Zara on July 31, 2013 at 8:21 am

  4.  #4Sunflower on July 31, 2013 at 8:44 am

    ohh, does Rori say “it’s good to express feelings. But not sad or neglected or hurt feelings?”. As long as it not blaming, I thought one can say “I feel sad”, or I feel pain”

  5.  #5Sunflower on July 31, 2013 at 8:44 am

    ohh, does Rori say “it’s good to express feelings. But not sad or neglected or hurt feelings?”. As long as it not blaming, I thought one can say “I feel sad”, or I feel pain”

  6.  #6Linda on July 31, 2013 at 8:51 am

    RE-posted from the end of the last thread

    I feel in a very unsettled, tenative place. Unconsciously I have been pushing all the feelings around it down too. It is beginning to really bug and chase me. Sometimes I feel the overwhelming feeling of anger, discontent and fear all wrapped into one big nausiated ball in the pit of my stomach. I have attempted to sink down into the soup of all of this so I could really understand it and heal this. I have attempted to write here about it and the words have not come. In great frustration I have just deleted them and stuffed things back down.

    Meanwhile, life is going on all around me. Some of what is happening in my world daily feeds the discontent.. some of it relieves it temporarily. In the midst of that I go to work, continue to see FavoriteCD, be a grandmother and mom. In this time and place in my life right now I can not seem to quite keep a grip feeling happy and peaceful.

    Two weeks ago broke things off with FavoriteCD. He repeatidly has gotten mad at me about various things. His behavior pattern with it ?… he becomes quiet.. broodie and gives me the cold shoulder/silent treatment, while being warm and talkative with complete strangers, neighbors and friends etc. I posted about one such episode a few threads back. Even though we have talked about EACH event thoughrougly… he repeadily chooses to behave the same… Okay I reached my limit… simply put, it is just something I just do not want in my life. On top of that is I was feeling afraid to tell him things. Funny… what we discover is or becomes a “Deal Breaker” sometimes.

    I feel really proud for enforcing my boundry. I feel really good about my communication my issues
    My speech was not blamey..it was full of feeling messages…it was concise and un negotiable. “I simply was not willing to accept being treated as he was choosing to treat me” I told him I had begun to feel afraid of telling him things because I did not know what would trigger him … and that I fear felt really bad and was also something I did not want in my relationship” I ended with…” this is not about any issues or current circumstances (he knew what I meant), my decision to walk away from this is based solely on how you have chosen to treat me …you dont have to change, your feelings and choices are yours… I simply will and cannot do this anymore” . BAM there I did not explode or stuff.. I faced my giant spoke my truth without expectations..it was what is was. I and walked away.

    He back peddled.. appologized.. told me he knew he was being very difficult. Asked me to reconsider… that he loved me and did not want to loose me. He said he sees himself married to me and in his future. Hes dated alot of women.. he knows whats out there and he has found what he has been looking for all his life….. Asked me to start again…

    It has been two weeks…I am still seeing him…. I feel differently though. I am waiting to see what happens, I feel tenative and lots of other stuff all grouped in a big wad. sigh

  7.  #7Indigo on July 31, 2013 at 9:48 am

    I SO agree with this post from Rori!

    Especially this:

    “Build Attraction first – then talk.”

    This was a big lesson I had to learn. To STOP all forms of relationship talk when he was pulling away from the pressure. Honestly these days I rarely want to talk about the relationship at all. I’m more interested in building closeness, and I’ve learned there’s a bit of a fine line between sharing your feelings and pushing a guy away. For me, I think the difference is oversharing I can feel panic and anxiety in me.

    I don’t want to do that any more. I’ve learnt to curb it and sink into myself rather and the desire to talk has gone away, and he has come closer. He has come closer I believe because when I’m with him, and when we’re talking, I focus on sharing the juicy wonderfulness of myself. I focus on what I love about him, and I make being with me a safe and inviting place. This is easier I think because I know I want to be with him. I think I’d find it harder with a man I was unsure about.

  8.  #8April Rose on July 31, 2013 at 10:12 am


    That feels lovely.

  9.  #9April Rose on July 31, 2013 at 10:14 am


    I wish you would keep your options open this time…

  10.  #10sophie on July 31, 2013 at 10:55 am

    @Lisa last thread – yes me too feminine with the strength of a warrior 🙂

    the story – the very very abbreviated version – close friends and a sexual relationship – conflict over the form exacerbated by the fact I want a baby in my future – his historical stuff/my historical stuff – i have been leaning back and a rather whimsical CD’ing (quite disciplined on the looking after/loving me and retaining myself as single and available not very proactive with actual dating) – maybe i have been doing opening, vulnerability, safe space because he has been too and there has been moving forward – very close – i couldn’t manage the contradiction of that any longer and opted for no contact – he doesnt want that hence the last two days – i’m going to surrender to trusting him and trusting myself he knows how i feel and that i won’t continue with the way things are…meanwhile i shall continue with myself as me-focused siren (as i shall for evermore)

  11.  #11sophie on July 31, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I love this version of the no-girlfriend speech

  12.  #12sophie on July 31, 2013 at 11:01 am

    @ Linda – I was thinking of the last line of this post by Rori when I got to the end of your post – there is no wrong only learning – I was thinking that because I heard that you had done something different in your situation – something that you felt proud of and that felt like a shift

  13.  #13sophie on July 31, 2013 at 11:06 am

    7 that does feel wonderful Indigo

    talking about the relationship feels so exhausting; being in the present moment and enjoying what is feels delicious

    I am in the soup with expressing feelings right now; the man in my life would like me to share more with him; he feels they all come out sideways because I don’t share them as I go along but I don’t process my feelings very quickly and I don’t always want to be bringing up a downer when I prefer what you are saying Indigo to be enjoying the moment

    anyone have any thoughts on that?

  14.  #14Angel on July 31, 2013 at 11:07 am

    I was in a bad mood when a CD contacted me and wondered if I’d like to go on a date, so I answered very standoffishly (bitchy to be honest) and scared him away. Now of course, I regret it, since I really do want to go on a date with him. BUT since he isn’t likely to contact me by himself again, I’m at a stand still. Do I contact him and tell him I feel weird and embarrassed that I took out my anger over something else with him, or is that leaning forward (since I’m contacting him)? Should I just write this off as bum experiment and move on?

  15.  #15sophie on July 31, 2013 at 11:24 am

    @ Angel – I would reach out just to express my feelings and let him know what was going on

    i understand leaning forward more as a vibe if there is no agenda other than to explain yourself i think that’s just explaining yourself and being respectful not being leany-forwardy

  16.  #16Indigo on July 31, 2013 at 12:07 pm


    I think you are entitled to process in the way that feels best to you. I don’t think you need feel any pressure to share anything with him that you don’t want to share.

    Could it be he feels you are cool with him? Or perhaps he is sensitive and he feels when something is off or wrong?

  17.  #17Blue Eyed Girl on July 31, 2013 at 1:04 pm


    I have had a very similar experience with my boyfriend. He has completely changed since I started doing this. He is doing all the things I wanted because I am not asking for them, not focusing on them and appreciating him for who he is. It has been wonderful. <3

  18.  #18sophie on July 31, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Both I think Indigo – he is sensitive and can feel it – he feels it before I’ve had time to work out what it is

    also I let lots of little wobbles pass because they dont feel important at the time and then it all seems to get expressed by one big trigger and he feels taken by surprise cos he didnt know about the little wobbles

    even I don’t necessarily know – maybe i need to work on baby communication when I feel big triggers eg I feel a big trigger I dont yet understand it I would like some time to process I will let you know when I understand…

    I think he would prefer that more than thinking everything is ok and feeling later that I was withholding things from him

    mmmm I feel interested

  19.  #19sophie on July 31, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    I withdraw right into myself too when I am triggered – usually cos I feel disconnected or not wanting to act out anger which I need time to process

    I find it very difficult to stay open – I probably never do

    It must be difficult to be on the receiving end of that…

  20.  #20Indigo on July 31, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    Blue Eyed Girl

    That’s so wonderful 🙂

    And yes it really is when you release your expectations. I am amazed at how lovely it can be.

  21.  #21Indigo on July 31, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    sophie 19

    I think that is very natural.

    Being open doesn’t come overnight, it’s a gradual process, so be patient with yourself. x

  22.  #22Cris on July 31, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    interesting post!! I wonder if there is a “point of no return” in relationships that means nothing can help because he is in his way out already. I feel this could be possible and feel afraid of that sometimes…let’s keep optimistic and thanks to all!!

  23.  #23Zia on July 31, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    The night before last I did some feng shui space clearing – emptied a drawer, made some space on the shelf in my wardrobe, and cleared some space where things were hanging up. I also cleared some space with the photos I have up around the house (making space for a man).

    I’ve also got my man/relationship list which starting the night before last I’ve been reading out loud just before I turn out the light.

    Then last night I get a text from a guy I thought had disappeared. HMMMMMM 🙂

  24.  #24Wildgeranium on July 31, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Love this version of the speech.

    Couldn’t keep up last thread!


  25.  #25MovingMagic on July 31, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    I feel so much better when I’m not hyper-focused on a man. I’m feeling hyper focused, body tense, fists wanting to grasp. What’s really going on with me? I contacted strep, & was pretty out of it for a few weeks, missing some work, & loads of dance classes. I’m just now getting back to my rhythm & energy level. My exboyfriend & I have reconnected, my mother had a double mastectomy last Friday (partly her choice/partly taking proactive measures in her battle with breast cancer). She’s now a survivor. I leave to see her & family tomorrow. I haven’t seen her since Christmas. This feels so shaky. I feel tapped out in alot of ways. Head spinning. I need tools to stay grounded while I’m away.

  26.  #26Luzydel on July 31, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    This advise sounds so submissive to me! men are hunters and they will fight and do anything to make you fall for them; once they have a hint you fell for them they will withdraw to see if you are what they want. it has nothing to do with what you do or don’t do! it is a game of hunting for a man… Play them like they play you!

    I know this comes from anger and frustration; I feel angry and frustrated with men… I want to cd without attachment; then I end up attached to someone and I screw it all up, because I get hunted. Ugh!

  27.  #27Lisa on July 31, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    “L” called this afternoon… I answered his e-mail from yesterday late last night… I’m learning that you really DO have to reply to a man’s movement forward. When I answered his e-mail he called me this afternoon… Interesting…

    “A” will be a friend.. but interesting one to chat with and do things with…

    “M” another “M” not the same “M” is very intrigued with me… so not sure where that will lead.. though not attracted to him, he is ready for long term… he commented on my reading attachment theory and said he is happy to hear I’m reading it… so we’ll see…

    Meanwhile I’m still crying… still hurting… still missing him… but I’m moving on… nothing else to do really… DO NOTHING …. and date..

    Working on myself…

    I realize that the NO Girlfriend speech doesn’t work with every man…


  28.  #28Luzydel on July 31, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    CaptainCD is a player, yikes he got me good. when I first met him, I didn’t feel attraction towards him, but I thought if I give him a chance, he will cherish me, because I am so out of his league! I am better looking smarter etc. etc. Then bam!!! he played me! Next time I will go for my 100 percent man; they will play me anyway (maybe not) but at least I went for what I really wanted…no more chances to self proclaimed nice guys! I am going for the gold and no more chasing bronze!

  29.  #29miranda faith on July 31, 2013 at 5:22 pm

    Relationships aren’t difficult, feeling the ability to change and say” this is the life I want and be committed to” is what is difficult.understanding of what encompasses the situation is vital.a cat can sit on a persons lap and feel comfortable but cats are easily distracted by many things,like anything that moves. They are perceptive but like to take inventory of what they have at their disposal as a resource for their kitty lives. Cats may understand or not that those things they have could spoil, like milk. They don’t comprehend that the refrigerator will make it last and stay fresh, therefore making the refrigerator an intricate part of a functioning sustainable asset for their little cat lives. .. Relationships are like teeth, ignore them and they go away.
    I love my ex, I want to be with them yet if there isn’t a willingness to express that towards me especially in “contemporary ” ways like a call or text I really can only assume whatever I assume. And meanwhile old feelings of the past have opportunity to arise and that feels great. It doesn’t mean I care or feel any different toward my feelings for my ex but when It all boils down what’s left is that a person wants happiness, and feel secure but to have that sometimes we have to act on it. I’m not picky really and am open-minded when it comes to compromise. I say if you love someone then for Pete’s sake tell them. If not then tell them. You could be surprised that they will step up and not use it to control the relationship. Coco

  30.  #30Luzydel on July 31, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    I do not like feeling sorry for myself; I took a chance; I tried, it hurts but it is my ego and my “drug withdrawal”that is kicking in, I am attached and now I know I wont get the drug anymore. But I am having this pity party, thinking all men suck, hope is lost…

    I have to stop thinking about the forever after about being with a man, a specific man… perhaps my forever after is being with different men, and then let them go when they want to, and just say to myself “it was his time to leave” Instead of looking for that connection – the one people talk about in movies, books, dating advice websites etc., I should just let go of it.

    I have been here for quite some time… almost three years. I found this site when I was doing everything wrong with an imaginary relationship and here I am making similar mistakes… but during that time… I met “D” who helped me forget about “imaginary” then I met several one date only men, then I met “S” who kicked my a$$ and made me see things about myself I was ignoring. Went back to Cding again and met Captain… he is full of emotion but tried to not show it, he’s immature and I admit selfish. what did I learned from him? well so far to ask for what I want, to be honest and to accept that I am still vulnerable and that I will make mistakes, trust people and get burn again, but I will be fine…

    I texted like a million things to captain after I found out his lies, I may have acted differently, use fm’s lean back etc. but captain was already telling he was gone, I was holding too hard and I didn’t realized it was over. I am glad I said what I needed to say, right now I don’t feel good about it, but one day I will look back and I wont regret not saying something.

    I have dated before and the men in my 20’s never distance themselves, never hid, this is an epidemic in my dating cycle. I ned to get back to my 20’s girl and see what I was doing that I am not doing now.

    I ned to cry so this heaviness in my chest goes away! I feel tired of chasing pavements, I want to feel cherish!

  31.  #31Elsie on July 31, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    I was so busy, and lost track on the last thread, so I’m just starting here. 🙂

    CollegeCD is texting me every day and also talking to me on the phone sometimes. I love the attention. Very sweet and nice. 🙂 We have plans to get together on Sat. and he sooo excited its cute.

    In the meantime, I have done basically no text/talk to GS. BOY has he noticed. He texts me something, so that HE WILL FEEL CONNECTED, not because of me or how I feel. He is really noticing that I am just not there anymore. I sometimes text back sometimes not, and usually a one word answer. If it doesnt relate to work, I dont answer at all usually. Amazing how that works.

    Its ALL TRUE. Once you get your own life, get involved, get busy, for REAL…….its amazing how the vibe and dynamic changes.

    I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK: Get the Guy. Its AMAZING. Tons of stuff like Rori in it – from a guy’s point of view – amazing amazing amazing.

  32.  #32Syreena on July 31, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    Well I now feel really down after reading Dr Pat Allens getting to I do.

    As I just do not feel able to make the choice over role is best for me and do what she advocates as I am not either of those things I just would not be able to live like that and be happy and be me.

    So it feels best not to let that book define my choices. As neither feel good or right for me. Some of it I feel able to relate to. Most just felt too black and white in this colorful world though.
    To me the world is more like a rainbow than this.

  33.  #33Elsie on July 31, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    Syreena – I thought of getting that book – why did you not particularly like it – can you expand on that? I’m interested…

  34.  #34Lisa on July 31, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    Talked to “L” tonight on the phone and it was strange b/c the cell connection wasn’t that great and I had to keep asking for him to repeat it.

    As very interesting as he is and much we seem to have in common. I noticed the same pattern I have with men… when we are talking, they do all the talking and when they do ask me a question about myself… it ends up that they really don’t want to spend the time to listen to what I have to say before they move on back to themselves …. and I wish I knew why that pattern keeps showing up…

    I was totally interested in what he was saying and commenting,, but when I was talking same thing as with “M”… un huh and then moved on to them again…

    It’s frustrating… to say the least… with “M” I just let him talk and talk and talk.. and noticed he didn’t ever realize he was just talking without asking me anything… and with “L” tonight I would say oh wow that is great! I’ve also done that.. wasn’t it wonderful!

    so not sure how that will turn out.. since he said, let’s be facebook friends.. and go from there …but really I’m very neutral about it.. like Rori says don’t get attached to any of them … so I’d like to get to know more about him…. b /c we do have lots in common.. but if he is self absorbed…( my word to explain) and I’m repeating a pattern again, then no thank you…

    so, what do I get out of attracting self absorbed men? I get to be invisible, unheard and over powered…. hummmm sounds like my childhood… how do I change that.?

    Just speaking to myself outloud…


  35.  #35miranda faith on July 31, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    Lisa, sorry you feel unheard,I’m sure there are many things about you that are interesting, and worth paying attention to. What do you want? Sounds that a man would become lucky to have u in his life and would be willing to treat you special. Thanks for sharing…xoxo

  36.  #36prplpsn28 on July 31, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    Resonates with me.

  37.  #37Elsie on July 31, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    By the way – I am LOVING the fact that several days have passed and I just realized I havent even truly thought about whether or not he is even on match.com LOL!!!! I took away my ability to go on there, and now I seriously dont care if he is on there or not. He has been so attentive to me and he is giving me what I need – frankly, he wanted to see me more but I”m busy. 🙂 Anyway – the point is that I really feel soooooo DIFFERENT than I did at the end of June beginning of July. Wow – what a difference a month makes for me, for CollegeCD, for GS….wow. Just amazing.

  38.  #38Luzydel on July 31, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    Don’t do anything.

    Seriously. That’s it. “Don’t do anything.”

    As a woman, you just have to sit back and let him do what he wants.

    He wants to meet you; he has to approach you. You say yes.

    He wants to plan a first date; he has to ask you out in advance. You say yes.

    He wants to kiss you; he has to make a first move. You say yes.

    He wants to see you a second time; he calls the next day. You say yes.

    He wants to check-in during the week to tell you he’s thinking of you; you take his calls. You say yes.

    You don’t have to DO anything. Just see what he does, and say yes.

    He wants to take you on a weekend away and introduce you to his friends. You say yes.

    He wants to sleep with you; he offers a condom. You say yes.

    He wants to commit to you and become exclusive. You say yes.

    You see what I mean? You don’t have to DO anything. Just see what he does, and say yes.

    If he doesn’t do anything, you have your answer.

    This is the single simplest way to understand how to deal with men, and yet women drive themselves nuts.

    You try to learn what “games” to play, or how to “figure men out”, or “how to make him commit” to you. It’s all bullsh*t. There’s nothing to know beyond what we’re DOING.

    If we want to call, we’ll call. If we want to commit, we’ll commit. If we want to marry you, we’ll ask you. And if we don’t call, don’t commit, and don’t propose to you (all in a reasonable amount of time), then guess what? We’re not going to. We’re just going to continue with our happy, low-stakes status quo that you so generously allow.

    Your only leverage when the time is right? Leave. Say that you need to know you’re investing in a future. And since it’s pretty clear after three months that he doesn’t want to see you more than once a week, you’re gonna have to cut him off. The end. Buh-bye.

    Most women don’t take this approach. You speak too soon, or you don’t speak at all.

    Maybe you won’t say anything because you know that if you do, the relationship will end. That’s exactly how you can desire marriage but stay in a five-year relationship without a ring. Silence is golden; it doesn’t rock the boat. And yet, you never get what you want.

    Then there are women who want answers now. And you ask so many questions that you scare men, and sabotage your own relationships. If my 38-year-old fiancé had done that after a month or three, we wouldn’t be getting married. She was cool enough to allow me to choose her, instead of forcing my hand. For that, I’m eternally grateful.

    It’s not easy to be the “cool” chick, Robyn. I understand. But your relationship pattern is no accident. And it’s really easy to break. If you want to know what to do in the future, just follow this very simple paradigm:

    1) Let him do what he wants.
    2) If you like it, stay. If you don’t like it, go.

    From EMK

  39.  #39Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Syreena, I’m with you on that. The “role switching” to me feels exhausting, inauthentic, and unworkable. So I am approaching Rori’s tools in a different way, as a non-blaming way of communication that fits in an integrated approach to all areas of life. My intention is to be a healed, balanced person who attracts another healed, balanced person and come together as wholes, not “opposites.”

    I like the relaxed feel of this article by Rori. Why have any more of these “conversations”? I shall just focus on myself and let God do the heavy lifting. And not get myself in any more situations where I invest in any guy who hasn’t already done his self-development and invested so much in me that I never have to worry about having one of these conversations …

  40.  #40miranda faith on July 31, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    I ask what was wrong to someone tonight and they replied “what’s right” took me a while to respond because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I wanted to tellthemthat they are right for me.but that is looking at how I feel and I am trying to see their feelings and needs. What does “what’s right” mean if thisperson is someone you were partners with. I ask them to have lunch and even bring them soup incase they can’t get out. Said no thanks. I ask if I could call tomorrow and said “let me think about it” what does this mean for both replies. an I get some opinions please

  41.  #41miranda faith on July 31, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    Will check back in a while. Tired and going to bed. Goodnight everybody…

  42.  #42Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    Wow I may have just “tapped my female cycle in” cramp free … I was tapping a lot today and especially resistance when I first felt the cramping. Now the blood started and feeling no cramps right now …

    feels intriguing …

  43.  #43Zia on July 31, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    Posted the last couple of things to my ex today. I realised moving forward takes as long as it takes. And it took me until today to get to the point where I was really really ready to let go of him. And it feels good to be there 🙂

    Hana: I realised what you said in the last post a little while back…. that being the one to initate felt wrong. But I wanted to keep that connection at all costs. Thankfully I’m in a place now where I truly know that the right man will do anything to be with me 🙂 My ex had lessons to teach me and I know what they are and I’m ok to move on.

  44.  #44Zia on July 31, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    31 Elsie – get the guy is a fantastic book 🙂

  45.  #45Zia on July 31, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    38 – perfect 🙂

  46.  #46Indigo on July 31, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    Lisa 511 from previous thread,


    and one point though…… if they do see how amazing I am… funny how they act the opposite..and with men… it hasn’t ever been enough ( up til now) to be a long term relationship… that is the confusing part…”

    Lisa, I would look for the signs that they *do* think you’re amazing, actually ACTIVELY look for them. Because chances are, it’s the absolute truth.

    When I think someone is wonderful, I’m not telling them and acting like it every minute of the day. I don’t want to bombard them, and it’s not my personality, which is quiet and reserved. But if they were looking… for the little smiles, the little signs of support, the gentle tone of my voice, and feeling my energy with their heart… they would see it.

    I actually do this with the close people in my life, actively look for the signs that they love me and think I’m grand. And if I don’t find the signs I paste a fantasy over it. Because this is the truth.

    Just sharing what has been oh-so-helpful for me. 🙂

  47.  #47Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    I actually feel a lot of anger reading through 38. I mean the article feels “angry” to me without acknowledging that it’s angry …

    It almost feels “punishing” … and like “see my fiancee was such a ‘good girl’ who let me do exactly as I pleased, so I gave her the candy reward.”

    I don’t like it, TBH. I don’t like it at all.

  48.  #48Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    “Your only leverage when the time is right” … leave.

    That’s not true. There are ways to set boundaries and standards all along the way, and that’s what I did with this recent guy. The more I did that, the more motivated he became. He didn’t turn out to be the right guy, and I’d still do exactly what I did again when the right guy shows up. I feel much more empowered knowing I have more options than just “yes, please sir whatever you like” and “when the time is right leaving” … which is probably after I’ve already invested WAY too much in the situation.

  49.  #49Indigo on July 31, 2013 at 10:08 pm


    Suffice it to say, I’m not a big fan of EMK’s advice. A lot of it has this rather angry undertone to it. And there are so many exceptions to what he paints as absolutes that I will take my own gentle intuition any day. His blog comment section is so replete with aggressive energy that the whole thing just doesn’t work for me.

    Plenty of women seem to derive a lot of benefit from his advice, and that is wonderful, but it is far too black and white for me.

  50.  #50Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    and for that I do feel sincerely grateful that this guy came into my life … because it showed me there is a more powerful-feeling way of going about this … it’s the same process I use when a client is committing to working with me. It’s how we make sure it’s a real commitment and not a “gonna change my mind later” kind of situation.

  51.  #51Indigo on July 31, 2013 at 10:13 pm


    I also strongly disagree that “your only leverage when the time is right is to leave.”

    There are literally hundreds of other options. It ignores the wealth of stuff going on at an emotional level which could make ALL the difference in a relationship. Sorry, yet I just find this approach to be simplistic. There is so much to say, yet I’m not going to. I’ve seen the beautiful effects that working on things on an emotional level has had in my own relationship that I would have missed entirely had I taken this black and white approach, so I’m obviously triggered by EMK’s advice.

  52.  #52Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    Thanks Indigo, I feel heard reading that.

  53.  #53Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    Actually, now I realize that I’ve been complaining a LOT that what I did worked TOO well … I really did think I was going to be totally into this guy and instead of complaining perhaps it’s time for me to celebrate how empowered I was in the process … and how well it worked … wow that feels much better.

  54.  #54Zia on July 31, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    47 Erika – the thing is, it pretty much says the same thing as what Rori says but from a man’s POV.

  55.  #55Luzydel on July 31, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    Yeah Erica EMK tone is a little ‘cocky’ and it can rub you the wrong way, but that doesn’t mean what he says doesn’t have some value. The only way to see a man’s intention is by observing his actions, and if we are always the ones texting, calling initiating we wont know if he is really interested; because men (unfortunately) can be opportunistic and if you are giving them everything on a silver platter, they will take it, but that doesn’t mean they will keep you.

    I make this mistake over and over; I start fine and very confident, then I start the chasing. I feel the guy has given me enough, so I will return the favor, but I loose control of how much I give and end up giving to much; taking all of his space for him to do something. Then I am the one doing, and the guy never had intention in staying; he was just taking, he never felt he was doing anything wrong. Hey it was free!
    In subtle ways a man tells you he is not interested; disappearing, not calling “distancing” and saying he’s been busy, but truth is that he’s not really invested in you. and is just keeping your goodies for bad “weather” when there is no one else.

  56.  #56Zia on July 31, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    55 Luzydel – hit the nail on the head

  57.  #57Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 10:32 pm

    well, I love Rori’s stuff and I don’t agree with all of it.

    I would definitely do my process again. I did it because I thought I was going to be really into him and wanted to make sure he’d be on the same page. next time I won’t do it unless I’ve met the guy in person first. I felt way more powerful doing what I did than I’ve ever felt before in a situation like this. and I guarantee if I’d just done the “yes” thing, it would not have worked as well.

    If this had been the right guy, this absolutely would be the right way to do it. For me at least. And it would quickly screen out any guy who wasn’t ready to step up to the plate, before getting intimate with him. I’ll do it again in a heartbeat when the time is right.

  58.  #58Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    the more I did what I did, the more motivated and coming forward this guy was … saying “yes” or doing nothing would not have worked … and remember this is when I thought I was totally into him. It was my way of making sure of not having a repeat of other guys I’ve been into … I was in “screening” mode the whole time.

    Before I did this, actively screening him, he was wishy washy … he even last fall had asked ME to come visit him far away! no joke. of course I declined. after I started doing my screening thing, he came forward more and more and more …

  59.  #59Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    It has to come from a place of authenticity, from a “no way am I going to put up with any more wishy-washy long distance baloney guys” place …

    I know cuz I had to do the same thing in my business. One too many flakes, and all the frustration and resentment that resulted … and I learned ways of no longer having people flake out … it’s priceless.

  60.  #60Luzydel on July 31, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    A mature man doesn’t stay around a woman he feels is distancing and “playing games”. he just leave and that is his point of view as a man, “don’t take sh*t” and leave.

    Why we women stay? If a man distances himself dump him! that’s it. I know it is hard, we want to believe he is falling for us and that is why he’s distancing. We think he’s scared. A healthy man will communicate his fears and concerns, he wont disappear unless the woman is a “psycho” but most of the time, he was just looking for a free pass; and he doesn’t want to sound like a jerk by being honest, so he sends you subtle hints so you “get it”.

    save for feeling messages for a man who cares and sent the fickle J*rk to hell! and yes I am angry and I am going to feel my anger until its gone…

  61.  #61Cris on July 31, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    Luzydel, your words are so right …. unfortunately…. some of us maybe have the tendency of falling for difficult guys. the only way I could go out of that was what my now husband … I chose him because I found him more enthusiastic about me than others although I was not feeling so much “crazy about him”. It was a brainy decission and I miss the rollercoaster sometimes but it is a quiet life and he is a good man that will never hurt me. Does it sound very selfish? I am sorry
    (and sorry for my bad english, as it is not my language.


  62.  #62Daria on July 31, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    im feeling sooooo lovely

    Thank you Daria for T-tapp

    Thank you for being you

  63.  #63Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    What about, truly, having higher standards from the get go? That’s what worked here. I made clear that I was not down for a long-distance relationship, that I was not going to invest any more energy in a relationship with him unless I knew that we matched up in person, that although I am not rigid with gender roles I’m still a little old-fashioned about dating, that I don’t like driving, I asked about STDs, and on and on and on … I set the bar very high, and the higher I set it, the more motivated he got …

    Why are we not doing this? I was not doing this to get a result … I was doing it authentically just like in my business because I got sick and tired of investing energy in men who can’t get the job done … and my authentic “sick and tired not going to put up with this baloney anymore” … worked …

  64.  #64Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    I told him he could expect me to be very high maintenance after sex (we never did have sex), screened him for his ability to handle it emotionally, said I absolutely did not want to have sex if he couldn’t handle it … and the list goes on and on and on … I screened and screened and screened …

    and the more I did this, the more and more and more motivated and “into” me he became …

  65.  #65Daria on July 31, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    hmm that EMK article felt great to read athe part about how after 3 months you see he’s not interested in seeing you more than once a week and youre gonna have to cut him off

    cuz youre interested in investing in a future

  66.  #66Daria on July 31, 2013 at 11:12 pm

    Erika thank you for telling me so quickly how to remove someone from my Facebook feed

    i feel so empowered that i dont have Security man showing up on there and knowing im not checking his page or posts

  67.  #67Luzydel on July 31, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    My problem is that I date men below my standards because I want them to want me. I have issues with fixer upper type of men. I settle for Mr. so wrong for me, because I think Mr. Right will never want me. And the cycle continues until I risk my heart with Mr. Right and take a leap of faith and believe that Mr. Right wants me as much as I want him.

    I have never been so much into the men I’ve dated, truth is I didn’t like them much; but they end up hurting me because I expect them to be grateful for me giving them a chance. And the chasing begin, my work to make them love me, even though deep inside I know I can do much better. But it seems safer that way you see… well until I end up hung up with Mr. wrong, who I wasn’t that into anyway…

  68.  #68Cris on July 31, 2013 at 11:17 pm

    Luzydel al my best wishes to you and never give up please… maybe you think too much about what they deserve or not?

  69.  #69Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    You’re welcome, Daria. Glad it helped.

    Thanks for that beautiful honesty, Luzydel.

    With this guy, unlike in the past, I never got “snowed” by his “big talk.” From the moment he walked in the door, I was screening him. Is this someone who can actually be my life partner cuz I am not wasting time on anything else? I observed without getting caught up in any kind of fantasy. And unfortunately the answer was no. Then there was a time period of also making sure I didn’t get caught up in my “guilt” that still wanted to “give him a chance” … and being strong in my intuition that was holding out for the right guy.

    So he was not the right guy. Yet I do feel very empowered about how I went about this … and I’ll for sure do this again, when the right guy shows up … I bet it will make ALL the difference.

  70.  #70Zia on July 31, 2013 at 11:27 pm

    Erika I must have missed where you discussed what happened with this last guy, but where you say this:

    “What about, truly, having higher standards from the get go? ”

    I agree with…… I guess though everyone’s own “high standards” differs based on where they are at in life. I thought my standards were high with my ex, but I had no self love or self respect so those high standards weren’t high compared to what I’d expect now 🙂

  71.  #71Erika Awakening on July 31, 2013 at 11:33 pm

    Yea Zia my standards also just keep getting higher …

    I would actually screen even more next time based on what I learned with this guy …

    It goes back to what I said a few threads ago. Once we realize that our time and attention are valuable, why are we investing them in men who have not demonstrated in any way shape or form that this attention is warranted?

    My business helped so much with this. People started paying me thousands of dollars for a few hours of my time – and it became something I could no longer stomach to give my time and attention to men with nothing real in return … best thing that has ever happened to me, probably …

  72.  #72Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 1:02 am

    Elsie, I didn’t like the Black and whiteness of it.
    How appently according to the book. If I am the feminine energy and want a masculine energy man that masculine energy men will see me as a sex object and not be interested in my soul.
    But if I am the masculine energy I end up with a passive feminine energy man.
    Well neither of those things feel very appealing to me. And feel very black and white.
    I felt able to relate to a lot of what was said. So It isn’t that I didn’t like or agree with the book.
    It was parts of it that made me feel like oh well that feels like a hopeless choice and neither of the choices would be authentic or what I really want or who I am.

    It would feel like a fake way of living and a fake relationship to me.

  73.  #73Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 1:14 am

    Erika re 47 I agree.

  74.  #74BeLoved on August 1, 2013 at 1:35 am

    Re: Dr. Pat Allen

    Syreena, have you seen her movie “Duty Dating”? It’s on YouTube.
    I believe the point she makes in the end is that it really isn’t black and white, but we aren’t open to something more balanced until we are internally more balanced.
    The woman in the movie was rigid in her ways of being with men, once she practiced being softer, practiced some boundaries, doing things differently than before…she was open and receptive to something different. Other people saw her differently, she saw other people differently, she was more clear on what she wanted and it showed up naturally, in an easy way.

  75.  #75Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 3:56 am

    It just doesn’t feel right to me to choose between having my feelings cherished an energd loved. Fem energy.
    Or my thoughts respected Masc energy.
    As what I want is respectful love. Not either or. I am a whole person with both masc and fem energy. I don’t just think or just feel I do both they are both connected and part of me.
    I don’t want to disconnect from one part of me.
    My thoughts and feelings work together to make me who I am. I am not either or.
    So to me to say I have to choose to be either the feeling one or the thinking one just doesn’t sit right and makes me feel anxious.
    One ca

  76.  #76Linda on August 1, 2013 at 5:37 am

    @9 – April Rose… I am not sure what you meant about keeping my options open this time?

    COuld you elaborate please?

  77.  #77Hana on August 1, 2013 at 6:09 am

    Feminine Woman, did the Cd contact you? How long were you seeing him?

    I’m a Pigeon on a subway platform. And I love how that feels, you are a beautiful soul, poetic, and most importantly wise.

    Love to you!

  78.  #78Dominique on August 1, 2013 at 6:10 am

    Linda – 6 – Much love to you Linda, and please know that what are you are feeling is wonderful, good, normal. Embrace all of it if you can. Allow them all to permeate you. Your answers will come clear. Trust yourself.


  79.  #79Linda on August 1, 2013 at 6:11 am

    FW – from last thread… I do like the suggestion of living within my boundries. It does feel less stressful and peaceful. thank you for making a comment on that. I feel tired of stress and pressure.

    I am not sure why I am having trouble staying in or keeping a grip on the peaceful happy place my heart was in last fall. All I do know is that is related to by a mulitude of issues and not an easy trail to follow and pin down for me.


    FavoriteCD did have his court date yesterday that concerned the custody of his 9 year old daughter.
    The courts ruled against her mother and will not allow her to move her out of state (which would have been 18 hours away). She will also stay in the mothers custody unless she decides to move away. So a couple of the issues that have been looming around our relationship are decided now. That helps I hope.

  80.  #80Hana on August 1, 2013 at 6:14 am

    Zia- I realized the same thing you do about your ex. I’d had enough of the hot and cold, pulling away like I don’t exist and then suddenly missing me again. I’d had enough. The worse was when he would say baby this baby that and then suddenly no baby or honey. I just wish I hadn’t told him off so badly when I said my goodbye lol, it was AWFUL Zia. Is it bad that I don’t feel so so bad about it? just slightly guilty lol, because a lot of it was the truth, and I had been holding these feelings inside for way too long.
    There’s just a fine line between being mean to someone and expressing your true feelings.
    My anger has subsided, I have no reason to feel angry anymore about anything really, I just feel good and strong, and independent, and it’s awesome really!

  81.  #81Hana on August 1, 2013 at 6:18 am

    What I mean Zia, that I felt like I was trying way too hard, even though he contacted me first, I was doing a bit of the Text your ex Back stuff, I just didn’t feel comfortable to just “Be” and let him take over. Maybe because deep inside I felt like he wasn’t doing what he needed to be doing as a man should be in this relationship, and I felt this way probably because I had grown and realized he wasn’t who I actually needed anymore.

    It’s hard to come to terms with. I outgrew my ex husband but out of loyalty stayed with him for too long. We have to be true to ourselves and go our own path.

  82.  #82Hana on August 1, 2013 at 6:20 am

    Cris- What is your native language? And I do understand you so don’t worry about your English!

  83.  #83Linda on August 1, 2013 at 6:28 am

    Dominque. THank you for your confidence and affirmations. Your words feel grounding.

    I do think I understand part of my “wad” of feelings that I can only label as “homesick”. It am missing things that are mine or parts of me that are familiar and I find comfort in.

    I also am aware of the need for a soft place to land with a man… a feeling of unconditional acceptance and safety. I dont feel that with FavoriteCD at this time.

    More to discover I am sure…

  84.  #84Hana on August 1, 2013 at 6:29 am

    Boy meets Girl, this is such a beautiful movie, I hope you guys enjoy this little scene: Plus, how gorgeous and charming is this Actor!!!


  85.  #85Femininewoman on August 1, 2013 at 6:34 am

    Luzydel the discussion about giving reminded me of this comment from Patty Contenta “So she continues the behavior of trying to please him in order to rebuild her oxytocin, feeling safe by simply over giving. Increased levels of oxytocin makes a woman feel good and aroused which can be misinterpreted as love.

    When we are hard wired with these beliefs and hormonal reactions, we need ways to recognize and resolve. Having awareness is already a great first step. Having a tool to notice where he’s at emotionally with you can give you an instant assessment on how to deal with him…another awesome step!”

    I wonder if it is the reason one of Rori’s tools is out the window where you channel the energy that a man is sending towards you in the direction of your passion or something you are passionate about??

  86.  #86Vi on August 1, 2013 at 6:40 am

    My left elbow feels a little itchy. I love me 🙂

  87.  #87Femininewoman on August 1, 2013 at 7:07 am

    These are the two comments that stood out to me in the article:-

    “On the other hand, I do still feel like he’s being a bit cool and distancing himself”

    “I’m really condoning his behavior and not letting him know that I need him to be different with me”

    Him being cool and distant suggests to me that maybe his feelings are cooling off. As such I would ask myself “are my feelings cooling off?”

    Letting him know you need him to be different kinda suggests that he can manipulate his feelings. For me I get a visual of a puppet on a string. Appealing to his logic rather than to his emotions.

    If a person’s feelings are reflected in their behavior is their something I can do to inspire or appeal to their feelings? Are there specific words I can use tht cause this man to get a feeling of being loved? Is there a way I could flirt so he impulsively flirt back without thinking?

  88.  #88Cris on August 1, 2013 at 7:09 am

    thanks Hana! my language is spanish… I am from Spain. I usually use English only for business! 🙂

  89.  #89Mercedes on August 1, 2013 at 7:28 am

    “Here’s the thing: Build Attraction first – then talk.” – In my experience, this is absolutely true. 🙂

    Living my yoga today…

    “No one knows my mind, not even me. Scientists say that most of our mind is unconscious. For today, know that your thoughts do not totally reflect what is alive in you. Be willing to lovingly distrust your thoughts.”

    Much Love,

  90.  #90Zara on August 1, 2013 at 7:53 am

    L.O.S: Hi Dr. Allen! I wanted to discuss narcissism and what it means for an individual who is narcissistic.

    Dr. Pat Allen: Great! There are many individuals who are choosing to be narcissistic.

    L.O.S: So, let’s talk about narcissism and how that plays into a relationship.

    Dr. Pat Allen: Did you know that narcissism as a borderline personality disorder is going to be taken out of the next DSM-V, and do you know why?

    L.O.S: Why?

    Dr. Pat Allen: It’s because a person who is individualized and actualized is narcissistic and has a right to it. You’re only a pathological narcissist when you’re a parent or you’re in love. There’s nothing wrong with being a narcissistic single person. So narcissism, because it’s being taken out of the DSM-V, means that if you’re single and you’re not a parent, you’re an actualized person.

    L.O.S: Which means that you can think and feel…

    Dr. Pat Allen: And you can have people for your thinking side and people for your feeling side. This means that monogamy is not your end game.

  91.  #91Erika Awakening on August 1, 2013 at 8:22 am

    Monogamy is not my end game

  92.  #92LoveAlways on August 1, 2013 at 8:33 am

    Hi Sirens:

    My vibe is shifting and it feels wonderful! I am in my queen-ness more often than ever. And this feels good because the feminine energy is flowing and the masculine energy is there whenever I need it to spring into action, but this is a good vibe for me.

    I am circular dating with the world. Men are just walking up to me starting conversations (really nutty conversations sometimes just to say something to me) and I grace them with 30 seconds of talk or just a quick word and smile. They love it and it raises my vibration.

    I am focused on my energy more now too. I want to attract evolved men, and to do so, I must harness evolved energy – feminine energy. I have to breath it, feel it, dwell in it. I wear a sachet of stones/gems and it makes me feel glorious and full of immense flowing energy.

    I was listening to Modern Siren this morning, and for the first time really under stood the part about receiving energy from living things and people. I finally get it! My energy vibrations are so much better these days . . . the urgency is diminishing!

    And I’m more focused on compassion – for myself always, but also for others – it moves me away from blaming and feeling anger or wanting vengence or just to DO SOMETHING about somebody. Compassion allows me to “let it go” and that feels so good do. I am in my Queen-ness most of the day and I’m feeling fabulous.

    On my bridge, in my meadow, with my wings open

    I feel happy


  93.  #93LoveAlways on August 1, 2013 at 8:36 am

    LUZYDEL #67

    Wow, your post so struck a note with me. I do the same exact thing and just realized it recently. So now men have to pursue me. From the start, and keep pursuing me. I imagine the waterwheel now more than ever – I give back in just that manner from now on. No more saving or fixing or helping. Each man must pursue me. He must want me and act like it. Nothing less will do.

  94.  #94miranda faith on August 1, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Ever read a book called happy happy happy?

  95.  #95miranda faith on August 1, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Also another good read is hung by the tounge

  96.  #96Femininewoman on August 1, 2013 at 8:53 am

    LoveAlways your comments feels so lovely and flowy and relaxed.

  97.  #97Femininewoman on August 1, 2013 at 8:58 am

    I feel inspired to read about the life and habits of the queen bee.

  98.  #98BeLoved on August 1, 2013 at 8:59 am

    I’m sort of giggling, thinking about “pursuit”, and how T doesn’t pursue me.
    Maybe he is feminine energy in that way, but he does know what he has is good, and he knows he has what I want, he knows he is steadfastly engaged in his Purpose and isn’t budging from that to chase me, who is hanging out somewhere in limboland, somewhere *I* don’t even want to be.

    My heart is practically singing…go go go go go, just go.
    He isn’t “sweep me off my feet and handle everything” guy, and..he provides me with a foundation, stability, a beacon, a pillar, someone I can really really count on to be HIM, who has my back and is not just on my side, but on everyone’s side, on the side of peace, which makes me feel safe in a different way than physically protected. There is a foundation of trust that gives me roots and wings.

    And we aren’t exclusive…
    “monogamy is not your end game”

    So, it doesn’t matter if he is or isn’t that guy, it’s where my heart wants to be and even though it has lead me down some dark and shady alleys, there is always an immense wisdom in it that grows me, develops me, enriches me.

    “monogamy is not your end game”
    Nooo…I wanted it, for a while, to feel safe…and I may want it again in the future, yet what’s calling me right now, is a network, a web of love, a vision of what’s possible, something I’ve dreamed of for sooo long.
    It’s bubbling, bubbling…percolating, brewing…

  99.  #99BeLoved on August 1, 2013 at 9:01 am

    FW I was just thinking and feeling along those same lines…
    Thank you, LoveAlways 🙂

  100.  #100Angel on August 1, 2013 at 9:15 am

    Sophie – That feels right in line with my reasoning. If there’s an agenda, there’s a leaning forward to it. Still feels kinda hard though, sharing without having an agenda. I think I should write some kind of mantra and put on my mirror.

    On another note, I didn’t have to write anything!! :O Took him a couple of days but he wrote back (really politely) said how he felt sorry about how I felt and said that then he must make me feel better. MY JAW ABSOLUTELY DROPPED TO THE FLOOR! Especially when he finished practically asking if he could join me for the beach vacation I’ve been thinking about. I’ve met the guy like three times??! Gosh, these things NEVER happen to me. Honest. Except they apparently do now.
    I feel really excited and less nervous. He was so nice, my tenseness just dissappeared and now I’m high on excitement and good nervosity. Weird things do happen. I told him it felt exciting that he’d want to come, but also that I felt a bit weird and I’d feel uncomfortable going on a trip with someone I don’t know well. And I did it almost without thinking about how to write and what to think, the words just showed up. Feels like I’m on a roller coaster and when I’m up I’m really UP. I just need to put myself out there so I can get some more CDs. 😀
    Feel really happy today.

  101.  #101Erika Awakening on August 1, 2013 at 9:21 am

    Syreena, I’m with you on this. I also don’t want a man who’s all “thinking” … I don’t want a man who’s up in his head. I work with men and women in my practice, and men have just as many problems arising out of being out of touch with their feelings as women do. I don’t want that in a partner.

    Zara, thanks for sharing that. I remember way back when taking Pat Allen’s “quiz” and essentially being told there was “something wrong with me.” Back then I was so gullible that I actually believed it and went about “fixing myself” when the truth is my intuition all along was that something was not right about trying to “split off” masculine and feminine. A very long journey back to saying “no thanks experts, I’ll follow my own guidance thank you very much.”

    I feel a little annoyed with myself for giving my power away to supposed experts, and I guess that was all part of the journey … I feel empowered knowing I’ll never do it again.

  102.  #102miranda faith on August 1, 2013 at 9:42 am

    What do you say when someone says their life is falling apart?

  103.  #103April Rose on August 1, 2013 at 9:45 am

    Hi Linda,

    Sure. I meant not be exclusive with him until YOU DECIDE whether he can give you the relationship you truly want.

  104.  #104April Rose on August 1, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Something very useful I have found is Carol Allen’s ‘relationship capacity’ report.

    She says capacity comes first, before compatibility. You can be fantastically compatible with someone, but if their personal ‘relationship capacity’ is low, the relationship will have problems.

    You need to know a man’s birthdate and time to order his relationship capacity report.

  105.  #105Angel on August 1, 2013 at 9:58 am

    LoveAlways – I feel so inspired and happy and sparkly just reading your comment, I think I’m printing it out and putting it on my mirror for inspiration.

  106.  #106miranda faith on August 1, 2013 at 10:08 am

    I’m just a ghost in this house.. what a song .. later…..

  107.  #107Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 10:44 am

    Oh Gosh, that resonates Erika, giving my power away to so called experts. And not listening to our intuition.

    How many times have so called experts got in wrong in history?
    And people been harmed in the process.

    Got to love the DSMIV stuff, today something exists by a show of men raising their hands and having a majority vote.
    And tomorrow it no longer exists. Oh and next week it may exist again. A lot of the time the reason is to do with money.

    The one that feels the most abhorant is how when we are alive and dead got redifined for the purpose of harvesting some organs. Literally over night death got redifined.

    A lot comes down to plain and simple money control and power.

  108.  #108Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Q what do you want most. Respect or love?
    A. I am not able and do not want to answer that question as what I want is respectful love.
    By choosing both and treating myself with both I get both. I want a relationship where I love and respect myself and share that love with a man who loves and respects himself. That is my desire.

  109.  #109Linda on August 1, 2013 at 11:01 am

    Thank You April Rose… He seemed to be giving me what I want… but now it is “iffy”

  110.  #110miranda faith on August 1, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Respectful love sounds great systems.

  111.  #111miranda faith on August 1, 2013 at 11:28 am

    Syreena not systems.lol

  112.  #112Erika Awakening on August 1, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Syreena, yes and notice the “parallel” with the whole “let the man lead” thing … that’s the same thing as “following” an expert instead of our own intuition … what happened to me when I did that? I got screwed. the man led us straight into disaster. I don’t believe in that anymore.

    The last guy was totally into me because of my inner strength, knowing what I wanted, setting boundaries, speaking up. and NOT being passive.

  113.  #113Indigo on August 1, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    So tonight (yes, it is night time here!), when I came round to D’s house… I usually cook dinner and he usually pays for it, I enjoy cooking and find it very therapeutic after a day at work… Tonight when I arrived he had bought everything and was busy with dinner. And after he had finished cooking he brewed coffee and made some for me with cream and cinnamon and chocolate. This was a really nice surprise for me.

  114.  #114Mercedes on August 1, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    Erika: “The last guy was totally into me because of my inner strength, knowing what I wanted, setting boundaries, speaking up. and NOT being passive.”

    That was when J really turned things around internally with himself too. When he saw (experienced) those qualities in me, he was willing to do anything to have me back in his life. He does still “lead” our relationship when it comes to dates, etc (unless I feel like asking him out and then I take control of it) but he is passionate about my spirit which is anything but passive. 🙂

    Much Love,

  115.  #115Indigo on August 1, 2013 at 12:33 pm


    I know it’s not the same as what you’re saying, but I also don’t believe in passivity in a relationship for a woman. I feel like it’s far more important to feel where the emotion and energy of the relationship is taking you, and actually, this is anything but passive. Or has been for me. When I love a guy, I want to co-create something with him, I don’t want to sit back.


  116.  #116Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    I love what you have written Erika and Mercedes, re inner stregnth Passivity and spirit.

    I don’t want my spirit or my will broken.

  117.  #117Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    And I agree with you Erika for me too the times I have followed and let the man lead,not listening to my inner spirit, intuition, guidance has not ever ended well.

  118.  #118Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    Any man who wants a docile controllable girl who does as she is told without question is not a good match for me.

  119.  #119Erika Awakening on August 1, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Thanks for sharing, Mercedes … and thanks also Syreena and Indigo …

  120.  #120LoveAlways on August 1, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    Angel # 104

    That made me smile 😀

    Glad I can share the good vibes!

  121.  #121LoveAlways on August 1, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    Beloved #98


  122.  #122LoveAlways on August 1, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    FW – Thank you, it feels good, and I am especially thankful because you always come to my rescue with clarity and supportive responses when I post during my “in the pit” moments – It feels good to have your support!

  123.  #123Dominique on August 1, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    I’m not sure where this misconception is coming from that allowing the man to lead means being submissive or passive or anything but the strong, gorgeous, goddess woman you are.

    A good man, the kind of man you want to be with would only take you where you would want to go. He wants to make you happy, so doing anything otherwise would not be part of his plan. He will consult you, talk to you. He will surprise you in feel good ways.


  124.  #124Rori Raye on August 1, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    BeLoved, Thank you – and I want to make sure “Duty Dating” gets correctly credited: The director and writer of the film “Duty Dating” is Cherry Norris!

  125.  #125Dominique on August 1, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    Luzydel – 26 – I feel curious why you think this. I feel sad that this may have been your experience, and I would like to dispel these notions if I can.

    A good man will not sit on his laurels once you have fallen for him just as a good woman who is on her path, healing, and growing will not sit on hers once he’s fallen for her. It’s will be a mutual opening and learning experience, an exploration together of each other as each works on self. It’s an increasing deepening of connection and intimacy.


  126.  #126Dominique on August 1, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    Daria – Herpes CAN be cured.


  127.  #127Veronica on August 1, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Gosh it’s been so long – I missed this blog but it felt good to let go a bit. I can barely catch up with what’s happened.
    I’ve been CDing myself a lot these past two weeks and I notice that my attention seems to come back to being worried that I’m not really taking care of myself, not expanding myself and I felt like hiding and doing that in small ways, non-noticeable ways.
    At first I was bothered by it quite a bit. Now I believe it’s baby shuffling.

    And I wore a beautiful green dress and went to this really good restaurant – oh my word the food was so good ! By the end of the night I felt invigorated and a friend the next day noted that ‘I glowed with pleasure’.

    I feel conflicted when I’m in a position to receive – I’ll leave a space open for that.

    I felt a wounded loss and that then morphed to ‘I just can’t go back to that place where I was not being valued’ and that felt like strength was growing for me. That shift from feeling loss to morphing it is becoming easier and that turnaround is much quicker.

  128.  #128Erika Awakening on August 1, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Dominique, I think we were jumping off what I saw as the vast oversimplification of the article republished in the comments here …

    What “letting a man lead” really means is open to a lot of interpretations. The way I heard it from the coaches some years ago – and what I tried to apply – led to dismal results, and I won’t do it again.

    Anyway, I just don’t believe in it anymore. For me. Everyone finds their style that works. What works for me is what worked extremely well with the last guy (if he had been right for me), and what works in my business for the coaching commitment process and the coaching relationship.

    I don’t need to sit around while a guy comes up with all the ideas. I’m a living, breathing, co-creative, fully whole human being. I want an equal. I want to be an equal. So I am creating for myself something different than the “masculine/feminine” model. It doesn’t mean everyone else is wrong. It does mean I’m also no longer assuming their advice is better for me than my own intuition.

  129.  #129Erika Awakening on August 1, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    This resonates with me:

    “This brother neither leads nor follows us, but walks beside us on the selfsame road. He is like us, as near or far away from what we want as we will let him be.

    “… Forget the dismal lessons that you learned about this Son of God who calls to you. Christ calls to all with equal tenderness, seeing no leaders and no followers, and hearing but one answer to them all.

    “… He is afraid to walk with you, and thinks perhaps a bit behind, a bit ahead would be a safer place for him to be. Can you make progress if you think the same, advancing only when he would step back, and falling back when he would go ahead? For so do you forget the journey’s goal, which is but to decide to walk with him, so neither leads nor follows. Thus it is a way you go together, not alone. And in this choice is learning’s outcome changed, for Christ has been reborn to both of you.”

    – A Course in Miracles

  130.  #130Zara on August 1, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    Dr. Pat Allen and Jim Hallowes on “The Bradley Quick Show” 7/11/11



  131.  #131Hana on August 1, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    Veronica, so nice to hear from you! Shall we go to Salsa tonight? Hehe…

    Dominique it is something I was thinking about, but I just find it so difficult to let go, is it because I’m meeting the wrong men, and I need more of a “real man” to lead me strong? Just like a strong leader in dancing. Oooooh big realization.

    Love Always, I am so happy reading you!


  132.  #132Erika Awakening on August 1, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Also, I absolutely loved Rori’s LoveScripts programs, and I find them mostly to fit with what I’m saying here. I’m just practicing a little bit more affirmative version of it, in that I am not going to sit around and wait for a guy to bring up a topic if I’m considering investing time and energy in him. I want all the big issues resolved before I invest … like I started doing with the last guy and will do even moreso next time around … how Rori teaches handling prickly issues in LoveScripts is in many ways exactly what I did … and I think her LoveScripts programs are brilliant.

  133.  #133Hana on August 1, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    The thing is, I’m having trouble finding mature men that are capable of handling the fact that I’m a mother of 2.


  134.  #134BeLoved on August 1, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    I won’t be taking myself to get my nails done this weekend…
    I have had one synchronicity on top of another this week, one good thing on top of another, so many I don’t even want to write about them all because it feels like it will take away the amazingness of it and I want to bask in the feeling of it…

    I will be going on an adventure this weekend, with friends (one of who is on her way to Oregon to live, the other is planning on moving in the spring, the same time as me)…plus the time feels right to hang out with my birthdaughter, who lives in the city I’ll be visiting…this morning I told my sup I expected to be in late on Monday because I’m going out of town, and
    he called me in later to tell me to take the day off with pay…
    plus, take another week off with pay sometime before the end of the year..(I’m a temp and don’t have holiday pay)…
    which, is PERFECT because I was planning on visiting WA state but wasn’t sure how it was going to work and now it’s all unfolding effortlessly….
    doing the happy puppy dance 🙂

  135.  #135Syreena on August 1, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    I hear what you mean Dominque.
    Problem is how many men are really that good at leading?
    Or even know what is mean’t by it?
    Most confuse leadership skills with being in charge, telling and people around. They want to be in charge and lead but don’t know what that really means.
    It takes excellent listening skills, higher intelligence, integritiy and compassion.

    Not everyone is capable of being a good or great leader.
    And the other problem is if a woman sleeps with a man before he has proven if he is up for the job and he wants it, she has gone at got herself emotionally and hormonally entagled and bonded acting insane losing all sense of intuition and higher reasoning. And in a lot of cases handed over control and follows someone who is leading her blindly down a path of pain devastation and heartache.

  136.  #136Zia on August 1, 2013 at 4:51 pm

    Hana 81 – I know exactly what you mean. The right person will come along at the right time, try and enjoy this time to just focus on loving YOU 🙂

  137.  #137miranda faith on August 1, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Where can a person find the courage to be willing to take a chance on someone that the world labels… I think it is found in the heart.

  138.  #138Elsie on August 1, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    GS is my kryptonite. I finally saw him today after almost 2 weeks. Wow. Um…..hot. Anyway – we talked for too long (my fault) but I mentioned that I told my attorney I did not have a boyfriend, etc. and then afterwards I thought – I wonder how that made him feel. Then, he said that he would stay with his ex in the same house for however long for the kids (he is a great dad) but honestly, I dont want to be someones back up plan. Ever. I want him to want me so badly that he CANT be without me etc. Anyway – at the end of our convo – he reached over and touched me and got really close and whispered “You look really good…” I just pulled back a little and said – Oh, well, I ran 5 miles on Tues, and 3 on Monday and I’m feeling really healthy, and he came closer and said “No…..you look REALLY good.” I was like….umm…ok thanks. I was so uncomfortable, because I thought we had a deal that we were stopping all of that. But see….when HE NEEDS the connection, he does it – where was he the last 2 weeks by phone or text if I NEEDED it. Anyway – he is so hot…..but I need something more. I am proud that I did not give in physically at all to him. And I learned a lot in that conversation that made me realize that at least for right now, I do not want to be with him.

    And….I’m super excited for my date on Sat. with CollegeCD. 🙂

  139.  #139Lisa on August 1, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    @Elsie That’s super wonderful!!! Go Girl!!

  140.  #140Lisa on August 1, 2013 at 6:29 pm


    “A good man will not sit on his laurels once you have fallen for him just as a good woman who is on her path, healing, and growing will not sit on hers once he’s fallen for her. It’s will be a mutual opening and learning experience, an exploration together of each other as each works on self. It’s an increasing deepening of connection and intimacy. ”

    I love this!!!! and it is what I’m looking FOR!! I haven’t found it yet! “M” did just that sat on his laurels once I fell for him… he actually even joked about it… for awhile… and he even said it to my oldest daughter… “I went with your mom to the orchid show b/c it was in the first 6mos of dating” not something I’d do after that… and he was laughing… and (I’m so proud of her) she said “yeah! well you just told on yourself”… and she laughed…

    Thanks or posting this!!! It keeps me looking for the man! that won’t sit on his laurels… once I fall for him…


  141.  #141Lisa on August 1, 2013 at 6:32 pm


    “Any man who wants a docile controllable girl who does as she is told without question is not a good match for me.”

    YOU say it girl!!! I love it!!!


  142.  #142Lisa on August 1, 2013 at 6:40 pm


    Wow that was a unusual dialog… they took passive / aggressive out also, but that doesn’t mean that it is still not an issue or real! I’m wondering about that. “Narcissism”
    I love the book by a narcissists called “malignant self love”…..he explains why he is single… b/c it didn’t work otherwise..

    but being that I’ve actually lived with a couple… I know how damaging it can be…

    and yes, self absorption can be considered narcissism but not in a clinical view.. but certainly have many traits of a narcissists..

    Interesting subject… one I’m curious about..



  143.  #143Lisa on August 1, 2013 at 6:43 pm


    ooooo me too!

    I had that same realization yesterday! I need a strong man ( b/c I’m a strong woman) that can lead me! like a strong dancer… ballroom dancer that can take me and lead me across the floor and all I need to do is follow and flow!!!

    I love it!!


  144.  #144Lisa on August 1, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    @luzydel I agree with the distancing thing… wish I’d jumped ship when I realized I was noticing him doing it… live and learn…

    if you listen to a man really listen to him, and he starts talking about his history with women, you’ll notice a pattern… they tend to tell on themselves… once you realize he is telling you some really important info… you’ll know… I did…

    I knew “M” was really into the chase…not the having… and though he chased me for awhile I was dating other men… as soon as he had me.. or thought he did… he stop trying.. the distancing started….( and when we went out and I was looked at and approached by other men lots, then all of the sudden he was chasing me again, then the intimacy started back, he was winning me over and over again, he liked that, but he didn’t maintain the intimacy) there is a lot to be said for not always letting them chase you forever … b/c once they have you… then you get to see what they really will do….. and if the intimacy stops then you know they love chasing carrots…it’s a high… like gambling or a roller coaster ride..

    Just my experience… not sure if anyone else has had men like that…

    I want a man that will chase me, win me and then maintain intimacy… and grow…


  145.  #145Tereana on August 1, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    “And if you smear yourself with catnip – you’re way more likely to have that cat on your lap.”


    I’ma get me some catnip ; )

  146.  #146Tereana on August 1, 2013 at 7:46 pm

    @Lisa – nice! I like that description.

  147.  #147miranda faith on August 1, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Rori: my ex contacted me today and told me that our song is still their favorite and that they thought they had found so much they needed and wanted in me and that they had so much to sort out that they had to sort out. What does this mean, for them to tell me this and contact me. I’m wanting to think that it’s good but I need advice please…

  148.  #148Lisa on August 1, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    loved this video! It’s explains so well…


    I love the part about how trauma effects relationships…

    also how we expect certain things from our mates..


  149.  #149Tereana on August 1, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    Wow! I just had a major opening-up, truth-telling moment. Actually, this whole week has been pretty powerful.

    I had what I would call not a pregnancy ‘scare,’ but more of a pregnancy Fantasy. This is where I have sex with someone. And then, since I tend to have longer cycles, I start to think, at the end of the cycle, that maybe I’m actually pregnant. I’m usually 100% sure that I’m not. But then there’s this – what if the condom didn’t work? What if – who knows? I’ve no idea. And then I actually start to get happy thinking about it. I start imagining this little life growing in me, and I get a little excited. I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t look forward to about nine months without periods – to be made up for at the end of it with labor and delivery of course. But G-Ddammit, I’m looking FORWARD to that. I’m not even kidding. And yes, I have seen birth. Live. And I’ve been woken up at 3 a.m. by a 3-month old. And I WANT THAT.

    So, when my period came, in the middle of the night last night, I was actually a little bit sad. That was the end of my short-lived, day-long fantasy. And I accepted it. But I also read today, and saw pictures of the birth that a facebook friend had today. He is now a proud father, even though all he did, as far as I can tell, is sleep around and knock someone up. But now they’re all happy and they have this baby, which is beautiful, and I’m actually a little bit jealous.

    I’ve been sleeping around, on and off, since I was 20. I’ve been careful, I’ve been not-careful. I’ve been in long-term relationships, I’ve had one-night stands. I’ve used condoms, I’ve not used condoms. And yet, I’ve NEVER been knocked up. Not once! No real pregnancy scares. Just fake ones I make up in my mind. No real pregnancies either.

    And I thought, and I felt to myself, It’s not fair! Why do I observe so many people on the street who probably “shouldn’t” be having babies happily pushing their baby carts around, and yet, I don’t get to have that experience. Not that I never will.


    My heart is like, aching, yearning for this. I’ve been desiring this since I was a little girl. And anything in my life that I’ve decided I’ve wanted to do, I’ve done it. I’ve traveled to Italy. I’ve lived in Ireland. I moved across the country. I studied art. I went to grad school. Whatever it is, I’ve done it. But not this.

    Why? Because it’s not something I can DO.

    It’s something I have to ALLOW.

    And, let’s be honest. I’m going to be honest here. It may seem, or feel unfair. But the truth is, it hasn’t happened because I haven’t ALLOWED it to happen.

    There have been opportunities. It COULD have happened by now. And yet, I’ve stood in my own way.

    I haven’t LET that come into my life.

    But I have also rarely, if ever, admitted (either publicly or privately) that it’s something that I really wanted. I’ve *thought* about it. But I haven’t really let the truth into my heart, I don’t think.

    Well, tonight, I let it out publicly. Here, sure. But on Facebook! I wrote it out on facebook. I said, okay, world, here it is: I want kids!

    I’m not going to force it to happen. Because that’s not how I want it. I know that, for me, for it to be real, I have to really allow it. And that…I guess that’s how I’ll know that I’m ready. When I finally let it happen, and I’m not trying to “make” anything be different than it actually is. And that starts with me, admitting what I want. That this is the most deepest, profound desire of my heart, my body, and my soul – all of those elements together that are inseparable that comprise “Me.” That’s what I want. To be a mother.

    Ack! I said it. It’s so true, it scares me.

    May it be so.

  150.  #150Erika Awakening on August 1, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    Hi Tereana, I can really feel you in that writing … are you a blogger?

    Cramps were so very light with this cycle, such a blessing … and when I breathed into them … such grief … I’ve been recording videos and crying off and on all day …

    Other than a call with a company that really fell down on the job last year, and they are going to give me a whole new campaign without paying any extra … yes, I used feeling messages … disappointed and frustrated seeing no results and even moving backwards … thank you Angels for second chances 🙂

  151.  #151Zia on August 1, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    Tereana 148: I can TOTALLY and ABSOLUTELY relate to what you posted. And then I did actually end up becoming pregnant by accident. There were plenty of times when it could have happened in my long term relationship, but it never did… but I am glad that it happened the way it did, with the man that it did… I would HATE to have had a child with my long term ex. Hated it! Yet my boy’s dad is perfect. Even though we’re not together, he’s perfect as a father for my boy. Things have a funny way of working out…

  152.  #152Zia on August 1, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    Tereana – I remember as young as 19 being disappointed when I got my period, even though there was no chance I could have been pregnant… I’ve always wanted to be a mother too.

  153.  #153Daria on August 2, 2013 at 2:59 am

    i told and showed Dman

    i think Dman is starting to fall in love with me

    i feel scared he’s in smthn against my brothers

    i feel pleased

    i feel super high self esteem

    i don’t htink its herpes now i think its hpv

    and i think i got it from bookie

    cuz i saw something appear that looked like a flat patch after i had sex with him

    it faded in a couple days,,,

    Dman got checked after we had sex

    i can get checked at the hopspital for free he said

    hpv can disappear after awhile

    esp after i do my virus removal program

  154.  #154Daria on August 2, 2013 at 3:07 am

    “The HPV DNA test is not recommended for screening women younger than age 30 because infections with HPV are relatively common in this age group and often resolve without treatment or complications.”


  155.  #155Daria on August 2, 2013 at 3:09 am

    high 5 Daria and God

  156.  #156Daria on August 2, 2013 at 3:10 am

    Blood test may predict HPV-related throat cancer
    Scientists may be able to predict throat cancers caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV) more than 10 years before patients get diagnosed, according to research published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology.

    Using a blood test that is still in the research stage, experts were able to detect blood markers indicating early signs of the disease.

    Actor Michael Douglas recently made headlines when The Guardian reported he said his throat cancer may have been caused in part by HPV transmitted through oral sex. Douglas later said he simply was stating that oral sex can lead to cancer.”


  157.  #157Daria on August 2, 2013 at 3:11 am

    “Most people associate HPV with cervical cancer because virtually all of these cancers are caused by this virus. But HPV can also trigger oropharyngeal or throat cancer, especially in men. By 2020, it is estimated HPV will cause more throat cancers than cervical cancers, according to the National Cancer Institute.”

  158.  #158Daria on August 2, 2013 at 3:16 am

    “What does the test include? The HealthCheck USA Herpes Simplex Virus 1 & 2 lgG test involves a small blood draw by a qualified lab technician. The test will screen for and report separate readings for HSV type 1 and type 2 antibodies. Additionally, the test will verify any existing genital herpes infection (reliable after 12-16 weeks following exposure). The test can be ordered without a doctor’s prescription, and you can access your results privately within a few days.


    Our Price: $90.00”


  159.  #159Daria on August 2, 2013 at 3:25 am

    so basically now i can still do my virus program but i can also expect this to go away on its own in a few months even without it

  160.  #160Daria on August 2, 2013 at 3:27 am

    wow Zia that feels really interesting and freeing for me to read that you felt disappointed with your period

    i think my body would love to be pregnant and i feel guilty

    i feel sad

  161.  #161Linda on August 2, 2013 at 4:53 am

    On the back side of FavoriteCD’s two month ordeal with the possibility of his daughter being moved 18 hours away over ( she will not be leaving)… I was really curious to see how he would be. It was a big deal… but at times he has almost felt a male version of a drama queen to me about it to me. Anyway…

    Monday before the court date trial… FavoriteCD showed up unannounced at my door and totally surprised me (we live 45 min away from each other)… with roses. He said he missed me and Mondays are really hard for him because after being together on the week ends. He told me he appreciated everything I do and who I am, how I am with his daughter. We just stood in the kitchen and he held me and teared up! I simply melted into him. We had a impromptu picnic by a lake, watched the sunset, had icecream and he stayed the night… mmmm Can I say I needed that!

    Wed and Thursday after the court decision… I guess he is man caving it. Over 48 hours without him bothering to even answer or return my phone call. When I did hear from him last night right before bed for two minutes… it was “I have been really busy with work and falling asleep… Hey I get it, it was stressful, he is a compartmental kind of guy…but too busy to respond to a text? I feel unimportant and dismissed!

    It is like someone flipped a switch or I am dealing with two different versions of him. One I like the other I dont.

    Weird thing is… after him being like this, he will say “I feel a distance between us” well !!!…. I when he his thing ok.. I do my thing and when he is ready to come out of his mancave, if I have other things going on in my life, he gets his shorts all wrinkled and tells me I have not made him a priority. It is so maddening

  162.  #162Lisa on August 2, 2013 at 6:33 am


    I can’t thank you enough for continuing to prompt me to reading this book attached… there was one point in the book that I read one sentence that just opened me up I started sobbing!! b/c I’d always wanted to hear that acknowledge it… and I realized how much I needed to have it… It also has helped me see how much I’ve grown…

    Thanks so much! You were right! I did need to read it..

    I loved this part ” People’s response to effective communication is always very telling” Agreed!

    much love


  163.  #163Femininewoman on August 2, 2013 at 6:35 am

    Linda it does feel odd at times but yeah, people do live in different worlds. Even when having the same experiences.

  164.  #164Femininewoman on August 2, 2013 at 6:47 am

    Adam Gilad

    How to Make Him Your Dream Lover.

    If you do some preliminary footwork, you can activate your man’s ” heroic” nature.

    I write about men’s deep desire to feel “heroic” for you even in the smallest ways.

    And the best way to invoke and inspire his desire to feel good by “doing physical actions” on your behalf is by inviting him into the your own seduction.

    You’ve set out the candles. You’ve bought the champagne. You’ve set up the music. You’vebought the choice of aromatic oils (all of which, voila -happen to match your aesthetic tastes and erotic soul).

    Now, when he comes over, or comes home…

    Step #1: Slowly place the matches or lighter into his hands with both of your hands cupping his – and invite him to light the candles… “as many as you want…”

    Step #2: Hand him the bottle of champagne and kiss his body as he demonstrates his “strength” and finesse by opening the bottle without spilling it everywhere. Put out the flutes before him and have him pour, rather than you pouring.

    Step #3: Ask him to choose the playlist or XM station or however you have prepared the music choices. Say “choose something romantic”or “erotic” or “something that will turn me on.” Then coo and approve when he “performs” and picks something.

    Step #4: if you want to prepare a hot bath, have him choose which aromatic bath oil. Which ever one he chooses, you say “mmmm, how did you know?”

    In these ways, you are making him feel as if he is seducing you – even though you have set it all up! You are making him feel like a hero, like a king. Like he’s doing everything right. You are empowering him.

    Welcome to the art of erotic connoisseurship- getting what you ACTUALLY want by working with the psychology of your partner so that your partner feels valued, competent, and even if he’s tired at the end of the day – as if HE is taking the lead.

  165.  #165Femininewoman on August 2, 2013 at 7:07 am

    “In Alex Carter’s program “How To Make Him Desire You”, he claims men put women into 2 categories when they meet her.

    1- Casually dating and have sex with

    2- Commit to and eventually turn into a wife

    In the first category, his selection process is looks and looks alone. In the second category, his selection process is her value.

    So, the next logical question is, how does he know you have high value?

    Well, these 3 conditions need to be present…it’s how he assesses your standards.

    1- How you treat yourself:

    (When you act insecure, change your schedule for him, allow him to talk in ways you disagree with)

    2- How attainable you are:

    (Giving into sexual desire too soon…need to build anticipation and adventure)

    3- How strong your boundaries are:
    (Men test your boundaries to determine your strength)

    What’s essential to realize here is, every human being wants a high quality partner because you feel an emotional independence with someone with strong boundaries. You can trust that they won’t burden you with pressing decisions. This is why you need to get a handle on becoming a HIGH VALUED woman!

    I’m also here to remind you that it’s never too late to claim your boundaries. In other words, no matter what stage you are in within a relationship (one week or one year), you CAN step into your strength and ask for what you want…in a feminine manner of course 😉

    This happened to me with a few men, when I felt we became sexual too soon. I gently explained how I wasn’t comfortable with that and needed to slow down. Some men were ok with it, others disappeared…instant qualification!”

    From Patty Contenta

  166.  #166Mercedes on August 2, 2013 at 7:09 am

    “I’m also here to remind you that it’s never too late to claim your boundaries. In other words, no matter what stage you are in within a relationship (one week or one year), you CAN step into your strength and ask for what you want” – YES YES YES!!! 🙂

    Much Love,

  167.  #167Denise on August 2, 2013 at 7:20 am

    Hi ladies!

    Haven’t spoken to my husband in a few days. I feel like I am in a good place and I have a date this weekend! He is younger, go me! I feel excited and a lil confused but I know I need this.

  168.  #168Lisa on August 2, 2013 at 7:21 am


    GO you is right! have fun!

  169.  #169Denise on August 2, 2013 at 7:26 am

    Thanks Lisa 🙂

  170.  #170Indigo on August 2, 2013 at 7:53 am

    Yay Denise!

  171.  #171Indigo on August 2, 2013 at 7:56 am

    I am curious to know whether anyone else has ever been in a relationship, where very little is said yet you feel this overriding sense of contentment in the quietness.

    It’s almost as if you go, we should be talking about things? We should be acknowledging things? But I feel so much love and safety in the silence. Almost as if sensing it all on a non-verbal level.

  172.  #172Zara on August 2, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    Lisa 142

    She ruffles feathers. She says of herself, she is politically incorrect but scientifically accurate.She also says she is not a moralist, she helps people get what they want and get rid of what they don’t want.

    I pointed to a video featuring her, but the post is kept in moderation.
    You might get to the video by googling its title :
    Dr. Pat Allen and Jim Hallowes on “The Bradley Quick Show” 7/11/11


  173.  #173Dominique on August 2, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    I apologize for not being here so much and able to follow the conversations as per usual and for not being very clear yesterday. I’m on a working vacation right now and only able to check in now and then.

    I have some time right now, and since the blog is back up and running, I want to take the opportunity to elaborate more on the discussion about the man leading.

    This does not mean that a woman follows blindly, hoping he’ll eventually figure it out, and if he doesn’t she just has to accept things as they are.

    It’s not this black and white as Syreena suggested. We carry all parts, masculine energy and feminine energy. Most women are predominantly feminine energy, and most men are predominantly masculine energy. There are times though when we have to draw more on one than the other, yet the predominant energy for most women will be feminine.

    In a sense in her deep femininity, a woman could be seen as actually leading the relationship in that a good man in a healthy relationship WANTS to make his woman happy. He wants her to feel good, so he will act accordingly. This could be going on consciously, unconsciously, or both.

    And as a woman there are ways to express what you want, your desires, your boundaries in ways he can hear you. This isn’t game playing. No one wants to made to feel wrong or blamed or criticized. As Erika pointed, Love Scripts shows you how to do exactly this. It’s also frequently covered here.

    This kind of relationship I’m talking about here is FAR MORE ABOUT FLOW between you and your man. It’s most definitely a co-creation as Erika so beautifully put.

    I hope this makes more sense now.


  174.  #174Dominique on August 2, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Miranda Faith – 146 – it’s hard to say what it means from this. Men usually come back sooner or later. For now it’s only words, and words without any action don’t mean very much.

    I would love for you to be circular dating even if it’s only dating yourself, your girlfriends, and/or strangers while you’re out and about.


  175.  #175Dominique on August 2, 2013 at 1:56 pm

    Indigo – 170 – YES absolutely. K is more verbal now than ever before, yet we both are not big talkers. Still we communicate beautifully to each other, and often it’s in the silence. Much can be learned, communicated through quiet. You can get really good at FEELING each other in this way. Here is where your truth lies, in how you truly FEEL in his presence.


  176.  #176Hana on August 2, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    Is there a problem with the blog?

  177.  #177Hana on August 2, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    hmm…Anyway, I will rewrite what I wrote, think it got deleted, if I’m repeatng it, sorry!

    Feminine Woman, I have Alex Carter’s book too, and I’m wondering if you have any excellant ideas on the Intrigue Arousal? I am at a loss with coming up with intriguing things lol

    Thanks !


  178.  #178Erika Awakening on August 2, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    FW 164,

    Those seem accurate to me … although “trying” to be unattainable IMO doesn’t work. The shift that has happened for me is that I sincerely now see my time and attention as so valuable that I simply am not willing to give it away to men unless they are adding value to my life. Even CDing for me at this stage is way too much of a drain on my energy for too little reward (I’m not saying that applies to everyone – CDing had value during part of my path). And that shift takes care of all the other points Alex was making. Boundaries are automatic for me now because of the value I place on my time and attention.

    I got to experience the whole thing “in reverse” with this recent guy. He was the one with no clear sense of purpose in his life and poor boundaries. I seemed unattainable to him because I WAS unattainable for him. He would need to do a lot of inner development before I’d be attracted to him.

    And yet … back in the day … I used to give my power away to men that now I wouldn’t even consider going on a date with … I was not making any kind of calm assessment of whether they were good partners or what value they were adding … I just wanted to be liked and wanted …

    For me, it is coming back more and more to a Rori-ism … it’s all about ME now. I don’t give a rat’s pitooty if he approves of me. I’m not living my life for him. I’m living my purpose and gonna keep living it until a guy shows up who wants to live my purpose with me because he shares it, and has already done his inner development. No more heartache, no more devastation, no more longing for guys who are totally inappropriate for me anyway …

    The shift was in the value I put on myself and my time and attention … and honestly I don’t know how I would have gotten there without my business. My business changed everything.

  179.  #179Erika Awakening on August 2, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    I did the same with friendships btw. I had friends who wanted to use my ski house for free, get free tapping, get free business coaching, come to concerts I paid for and never reciprocate, always have me come to them, and although they are not “bad” people, those friendships are not in my life anymore because they were adding no value to my life.

  180.  #180Elsie on August 2, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    MUCH NEWS!!!!

    I filed for Divorce today. It should be final on October 31 (insert “scary” joke here.) LOL.

    Ironically, GS is now SO interested in touching me, complimenting me, being with me, now that we havent had time together lately, and we wont see each other again in 10 days. But he is doing it for HIS benefit because HE needs this contact. Not because I need it. When I needed it he wasnt there for me. Its interesting the difference a month can make. And we havent been intimate in 2 months. So…..of course, now that I’m scarce and my vibe is different, here he is again.

    In the meantime…..CollegeCD is nothing but totally attentive!!! So sweet with the texts and calls, etc. I got a text this morning….”Good morning! I get to see you tomorrow!!!!!!” How sweet is that? LOL. I’m excited for our date tomorrow.

    I go to Colorado for business next week, it will be nice to be away and have time for myself. I love Colorado. 🙂

    Today is a good day.

  181.  #181Erika Awakening on August 2, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Congrats Elsie – happy to hear these great news 🙂

  182.  #182Denise on August 2, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    Happy for you Elsie!

  183.  #183Hana on August 2, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Elsie, that’s is really good news! It will feel great to have it finalized. I’m so happy for you and CD and all the attention…send some of that luck my way!! 🙂

  184.  #184Hana on August 2, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Zia- Thank you so much! I am enjoying everything now. I’m also enjoying not worrying about every little thing, what I’m wearing and what I’m doing right or wrong with men.

    I’m just enjoying taking care of my boys, and enjoying the summer weather. I’m really benefiting from this new transition I am in. Being a single mother is actually a wonderful thing. I look at couples and I know one day I will be part of one. But, really, lately I’m finding a lot of positive things about being alone with my kids. It gives me really good space and ability to choose my own way with things in our life.

    What’s new with you Zia?

  185.  #185Lisa on August 2, 2013 at 5:44 pm

    @ Elsie

    That’s wonderful! I’m looking forward to attentive! I deserve attentive!

    Scarce is crappy! I had enough of that… I love those cute texts good morning …

    something to look forward to!

    on a side note:
    I’m so wiped out from crying I don’t have the energy to go out with anyone… I’m spending lots of time working on my splinters those pesty core beliefs that I’ve held so long… its good to cry them out… and release but I’m so soooo tired I feel like a wrung out rag… no energy at all! My poor child had to be inside all day today b/c I was doing work on myself and crying… she watched movies and we played some… but MAN.!!!… I want to have some fun! with her while there is still summer!!! I love inner work but da….m I don’t want my crying and purging to take up all my time.. of course it has been in there like 30 something years… and needs to come out…

    trusting that all is perfect and that my time with her will be precious and knowing that this inner work I’m doing will make her a strong, siren herself!


  186.  #186Elsie on August 2, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Lisa – I’m glad you liked that book. I”m reading one now called ‘get the guy’ its AWESOME I again, Highly recommend it!!!

    Take your little girl out to PLAY!!!! It will do you and her good!!!

  187.  #187Erika Awakening on August 2, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    Not only will people give me a lot for my time, they appreciate it also … I get such lovely notes all the time from people expressing their appreciation. One of my clients just got a coaching package even though she doesn’t need sessions right now because she wanted to help me raise funds for my trip to Bali …

    THAT feels like love to me. For all his “talk” about “loving” me, the recent guy wasn’t giving me much that felt like love. It just felt like he wanted to latch on to my life because his own purpose was not clear and he hasn’t done his work.

    Now the contrast feels so clear. Why would I accept less from a “date” or a “relationship” than I receive regularly from my clients?

    It’s all so clear now … The bar has been raised. It’s not going to be lowered. It’s NEVER going to be lowered EVER again. Hooray for me!

    Btw, Dominique, yes I agree with all that. Thanks for clarifying – your writing feels beautiful to me.

  188.  #188Luzydel on August 2, 2013 at 5:55 pm

    I read so many advise tat start with “how to make a man do _____” in my experience a man either feel or don’t; he can feel it at the beginning then fizzle or he can feel it all the time.

    Just love yourself; set healthy boundaries, know what you want, do things you love and when it comes to men…do nothing, just let them be. The one that “gets you” will show up. You don’t have to do anything to make a man feel something, not all men will feel it for you, just like you don’t feel it for every man. Change you energy, vibration, give yourself love every day and that attracts the right man. But you don’t have to make him do nothing… I am learning that after my “mistakes”…

  189.  #189Hana on August 2, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    Amir is still chasing me, the more I need space the more he is around asking about things.

    I have this vision of us in the future, but for now I just want to be me! Enjoy me! And….I really want to experience new men hehe….I’m getting an appetite to start CD’ing.

    I think I may give Salsa some change up, perhaps go to different spots which I wasn’t usually crazy about, or go to try some swing/jazz music.

    Lisa, it’s great isn’t it?? I like how you described the flow of being led! Love it…

    I’m feeling the cool breeze coming through the window, it’s kissing my skin so gently sending shivers down my spine, this is what loving my own company means to me. Enjoying the senses around me and getting in touch with my feelings and really being in the moment. This July feels more like September… but it’s cool, literally 🙂

    I can’t wait to dream tonight…

    You know what’s cool ladies about being single for me? That even though I may have already found the man for me, the thought and possibility that the right guy for me is already out there is so exciting and thrilling,
    I really look forward to meeting him. Just knowing that this person that I will someday make a commitment with is already living his life and is dating and going through this or that, will one day find me, and I him, and we will build a beautiful life and future together, and my kids will have a beautiful father figure one day.

    LOVE that thought….that’s what will be on my mind as I drift to my slumber tonight…


  190.  #190Femininewoman on August 2, 2013 at 6:23 pm

    Indigo re the quietness – definitely. I would say that we were in the same place energetically. We both just knew that we were loved and were just being. No focus on fighting off any competition, no reason for any arguments, we were just in a space of love so things just flowed with no effort. He was the one who would break the silence and say he can just feel the love. There were absolutely no doubts and no reason to prove anything to the other.

  191.  #191Femininewoman on August 2, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    Hana I learned these principles some time ago:-

    Anything a person chases in life runs away

    Don’t care too much and men will climb walls for you

    If it is something he can’t have it becomes a challenge for him

    It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt

    Act like a prize and you will turn him into a believer

  192.  #192Lisa on August 2, 2013 at 6:48 pm


    Oh I did this evening… we watched a movie together and had ice cream and then went outside to play in the water…

    I just hate for her to see my cry so much…

    on the other hand I’d rather her see me cry than to see me supress my emotions….. and as she watches me grow.. and become a stronger woman,, she will.. become one too…

    I’ll check that book out… I can’t seem to read Queen’s code.. its so poorly written. I wish that they had it highlighted so I could get to the fine points… I’m a logical person… LOL!

    Big [[[hugs]]]]


  193.  #193Zia on August 2, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    184 Hana: There are SO MANY perks to being a single mum!! Does the dad have them at all? My boy’s dad has him every other weekend so at least I do get that break. But it’s really wonderful being able to do things my way, bring him up how I want to (mostly). I do love it and it will take someone really special to be a part of our lives. I’m still on my 40 day self love journey and it is honestly the best thing I’ve ever done. So happy with life right now. I am happier now than I ever was with my ex. Feels so so good.

  194.  #194Tereana on August 2, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    Erika Awakening – Thanks! I write. I’ve written in blogs. I read blogs. Mainly, I like to write. But I like to think that you felt me in the writing because I was really there! I was writing about who I am…

    Zia – That is so cool! I liked reading about that. Thanks : )

  195.  #195Tereana on August 2, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    I keep having a mental urge to write a follow-up email to PKL, to tell him some “more” about my decision to move to his city – i.e. to “make sure” that he knows I’m not doing it to be with him, per se, but for my own reasons. Only, that feels like “explaining.” And I don’t want to explain. I want my actions to speak for themselves. And every time I look at my email with an intention to write what’s on my mind, I just can’t do it. He hasn’t written back, so we’re not in a conversation.

    and I figure, if I keep going and doing what I’m doing, it will all be fine. I AM doing it for my own reasons. I am EXCITED about what I’m doing. Every time I see a mention of that city, I get excited. In fact, today, I was Googling something else, and a hit from his city popped up. I got even more excited, because it’s a community I could be really interested in. I think I am really meant to be in that city. I’m looking forward to it. And he was the conduit that made it happen.

    I feel grateful : )


  196.  #196Tereana on August 2, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    Zia, I LOVE how positive you are about single-mommyness!!

    You must be a super awesome mom! 🙂


  197.  #197Tereana on August 2, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    Has anyone ever seen the movie “The Timer”?

    It’s a really interesting and cute movie. Really makes you think about what it means to meet “your one”!

  198.  #198Lisa on August 2, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    I’ve been a single mom for 23 years… yep! I have one child that is 17 years older than the other.. and right when my oldest was graduating, my youngest was just an infant breastfeeding… its wonderful!!!

    so my youngest is almost 9…

    I can say being a single mom is great in a lot of ways.. and far far better than being in a bad relationship and trying to parent…

    Lots of great times together.. growing together watching them become strong beautiful beings… it’s so precious…

    @ Hana that is a wonderful thought to have when you drift off to sleep…

    Thanks for that!


    I’m so excited today I think I found a cure for my hearing impairment I can’t believe it.. In Germany… I could very well cure my Minere’s Disease…

    and giggling with my “E” tonight and singing songs in the small pool.. outside… I love being a grown up kid… that can act like a kid when I want to… it’s fun!

    crying has brought me such a peaceful emptiness tonight that I’m looking forward to filling up with something wonderful!…

    and being with me… is totally Delicious…


  199.  #199Lisa on August 2, 2013 at 7:50 pm


    Yes! I love that movie! it is so fun! Does make you think…


  200.  #200Radlove on August 2, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    Miranda Faith,

    102 – “What do you say when someone says their life is falling apart?”

    I would say, “What’s going on?” I’m sure it would feel good for him or her to talk it through, to bring clarity and to receive your compassion. As s/he talks, I would ask more questions…why? What’s going on? How did that happen? How do you think you can solve it? How do you feel?

    And maybe s/he will come up with her or his own solutions. And if you want to, you could ask, “Can I help in some way?”

  201.  #201Radlove on August 2, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    Hi Erika,

    Brenda here…I feel the same way as you that my standards only go higher. The more toxic men I get to know, the more elite my tastes go. I would literally rather be single than to be with the wrong man just for the sake of being with a man.

    I like the concept of investing only if there is a future in it. However, I also think something as valuable and deep as romance takes time to develop. If I think there is at least some promise there in a man, in some ways, I like to slow down the pace of our getting to know each other, as if I have all the time in the world. There is something that happens in a space of unhurried time that cannot be observed in rushed time.

    And I want my romance to last forever, so I am willing to take my time to get to know the right man. I want to see a man in a natural situation acting as he really would if he were not trying to impress a woman. For example, I silently observe him closely to see how he interacts with waitresses; his own children; other people’s children; senior citizens; people with disabilities. That tells me far more than asking him how he responds to such-and-such situation.

    Just to give you an idea, for me, my pets are a big deal. I have two German Shepherds and four cats, and they are like children to me. Men who have come to my house (and not just any man gets invited to my house) have no idea how much they were tested on simply how the interacted with my animals. If I hear, “Move, pooch! Get down!”? Major turn-off! He treats them with low regard.

    Will he treat our children with low regard? That is just one example. I mean, I realize not everyone treats animals like they are human like I do, LOL. But when someone is well developed inside, he will take an interest in a woman’s fur friends. If he doesn’t, he is not the man for me.

  202.  #202Radlove on August 2, 2013 at 8:47 pm


    175 = Yesss, the silence! You said it beautifully part of what I was trying to say to Erika in what I just wrote. In silence, we learned to feel each other’s vibe of that moment. What a beautiful thing! It feels rich and full!

  203.  #203Denise on August 2, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Luzydel 188:

    Sounds good to me. I finally realized that. Whether it was at the last minute and our marriage is over is feels good to just stop everything and focus on little ole me for once. I took a step back to look at myself and did not like what I saw. So now my eyes are open and focused.

  204.  #204Erika Awakening on August 2, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    Hi Brenda,

    Yea I see animals on a human level too. It’s a big part of why I stopped eating meat. My cats still eat meat though and I feel a little sad about that. I want all the animals to feel safe and free.

    And yea if the guy is a real candidate then I would feel interested to learn more … Most of the time, though, I know right away that he’s not a candidate and then I’m not going to invest. I didn’t have this clarity years ago, and I went down a lot of blind alleys. I didn’t trust my intuition enough either. I thought I “should” date men even when I knew immediately they weren’t right for me. I don’t think that anymore. I’m not doing any more dating. I’ll know when it’s right. I feel very, very clear about this.

    I also believe, thankfully, that there is no way to mess it up. That who our real partner is … is foreordained. So I really do believe I can take care of myself, get massages, run my business, and mostly hang out at home … and still I can’t mess it up … he’ll find me. This feels like a very relaxed place to be, and I like it very much 🙂

  205.  #205Erika Awakening on August 2, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    and go to Bali … 🙂

  206.  #206Zia on August 2, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    198 Lisa – Yes. I think we are lucky to be able to experience how much better being a single parent is than being in a bad relationship “just for the kids” I see couples do this all the time and it really makes me feel so sad for the children.

  207.  #207Indigo on August 3, 2013 at 3:36 am

    Dominique 175

    Thank you so much, that feels very validating 🙂

    I spend my whole day at work talking and writing e-mails, and so I really appreciate the opportunity to just *be* in my relationship. I wonder if he senses this. I am also not a big talker and he doesn’t try to engage me in a lot of conversation, and I SO appreciate him for this.

    We talk a bit during the times we are together and there are some messages on the days we don’t, but there is a lot of quiet and I feel more secure than ever. The vibe I feel through the silence is so loving and accepting and positive, as you say. There is no arguing.

    As an example, last night I had the most perfect night with D. I was exhausted and he was not feeling well. After a brief cuddle, he went through to his bed and I went about fixing myself something to eat and a glass of wine, reading my book, having a nap, putting on a movie for myself. He brought me tea and got on with his own thing. I so appreciated this. Then after a few hours, when he was finished doing what he was doing, he came and lay next to me and chatted for a little while, then wrapped me in his arms, buried his face in my neck and went to sleep.

    This is how it’s been most of the week. Very little has been said, and I’ve never felt more content.

  208.  #208Indigo on August 3, 2013 at 3:38 am

    Feminine Woman 190

    I just love this. And I agree it seems to be when you’re on the same wavelength and there is not a lot of need for talking, as you both seem to sense the energy and also seem to sense what is going on with the other without a lot of need for words.


  209.  #209Indigo on August 3, 2013 at 3:40 am

    Radlove 202

    YES! 🙂

  210.  #210Indigo on August 3, 2013 at 3:45 am

    Dominique 173

    I so agree with you here.

    In my own relationship, I have become very conscious that I am the one leading emotionally. I guess I didn’t realize it, or fought against it before, but now I embrace this role. And D is definitely the one who leads on practical matters. We both seem to understand this. And though I contribute in practical things, and he contributes emotionally, it is more or less like that.

  211.  #211Femininewoman on August 3, 2013 at 5:39 am

    Indigo most men if not all look to women to lead emotionally. Yesterday I read something that said men don’t naturally seek relationships. What they seek out is that feminine energy so wherever they find it that feeds them the most they most likely will nest there.

  212.  #212Luzydel on August 3, 2013 at 7:47 am

    Something I am noticing that I am getting better at is not to feel like crap after deciding someone is not good for me. Before I would be without eating for days feeling all kinds of stuff and feeding my feelings with self destructive thoughts. The only thing I wish to learn is to leave sooner and not waste my time so much. But I am getting better at this.

  213.  #213sophie on August 3, 2013 at 8:02 am

    There is so much positive healing that seems to be being done the blog feels very warm and nurturing and at other times exciting and yay!

    Yay is definitely a feeling 🙂

    Hana I love your thoughts for before you’re going to sleep feels dreamy and safe and yummy – he is out there somewhere going about his thing and one day you will meet – yes that feels right and lovely

    Tereana – yes to your revelation about surrendering to being pregnant – you could have been writing from inside my mind – i too have always desired a baby but never got pregnant and wondered about that – I know my friend decided that she wanted one absolutely full surrender and within a couple of months she was pregnant to a man who she is not in a relationship with but is a good dad nonetheless – I often wonder if actually I have a lot of resistance to the idea regardless of my longing that I hold back for the right time the right time or for some other reason – maybe I feel afraid of the reality – I too am disappointed by my period – just before my birthday I was three weeks late and I felt such turmoil over the not pregnant – I am trying to trust that everything works out in good time but I also recognise I may construct my own resistance

    Indigo – your updates feel lovely I am experiencing lovely times with my man/not man – there is more of a flow and I feel ok to be in a relationship with him where so far he is yet to confirm the perimeters of this – if he is going to leave my life then I am going to choose to spend this time with him as the woman I would be ‘in relationship’ regardless and regardless of the outcome I know I will feel ok and I’m not having to lean so far back as he is coming quite comfortably forward – I am choosing trust and recognising that he has demonstrated so far anyway that it is safe to trust him

    FW I like the idea of a man nesting 🙂

  214.  #214Luzydel on August 3, 2013 at 8:49 am

    This is a beautiful story.. Look at the video when she mentions her shells; it kinda got me!

    Love like the ocean:

    “Cynthia Riggs and Howard Attebery got married this May at 81 and 91, respectively—after 62 years apart. They met in 1950, while working together in the lab at Scripps Institution of Oceanography. As they worked, their friendship grew and they began passing messages to each other by cryptogram. Then, the summer ended. Cynthia went back to school in Ohio. They went their separate ways, and moved on with their lives.
    Then, in January 2012, Cynthia received an unexpected package in the mail”


  215.  #215Indigo on August 3, 2013 at 9:01 am

    sophie 🙂 beautiful

  216.  #216Daria on August 3, 2013 at 9:12 am

    sooooo i used my manifesting and prayer and….

    its not herpes or hpv… its just a lil swel barthalomew gland


    u know what that means!

    i can have sex!!! 😀 😀 😀

  217.  #217seahorse on August 3, 2013 at 9:48 am

    Luzydel…………………….. I feel so thankful that you posted that video. I needed that very much. Thank you for the lightness in my soul sweet lady. I have tears and am very thankful for them.Big deep breathe to release some more and I am letting it flow throughout my body. You are an angel Luzydel. I have the thought in my mind………….. Just in the nick of time.:) Thank you again:) Have a marvelous day Luzydel and thank you again

  218.  #218April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 10:01 am


    I do lots of crying too. And I consider it healing, as you do.

    I have also realised that my deeper inner work is one of creating joy and happiness in my life. And, getting myself past the idea I obsessed over as a teenager – that it is unfair for me to have joy when there is so much suffering in the world.

    How do you feel to hear that? That the inner work is about having more and more FUN and good feelings?

    It’s been a revelation for me. My heart feels lighter being on the planet.

  219.  #219Erika Awakening on August 3, 2013 at 10:13 am

    That feels like a relief, Daria. Yay for you 🙂

  220.  #220Lisa on August 3, 2013 at 10:17 am

    @April Rose Thanks!!!

    I do know that so many have that thought about “it is unfair for me to have joy when there is so much suffering in the world” I haven’t ever had that belief… that I’m aware of…

    I do have other beliefs that might be similar that I carried from my childhood… that I shouldn’t be happy, or don’t deserve to have what I want…

    Yesterday I cried so much and YES! it felt good to get it OUT shew! My belief I did TheWork on was ‘it’s no use in trying” I’ve had that belief since I don’t know how young… and when I did the turn around… the sobbing just flew out… to release such a limiting belief….that has just been festering in me most of my life…

    and that belief in itself creates situations that are doomed from the start… so now!!! I get to use the turn around for my mantra… “there is a use in trying!!!”” life and love is worth trying, working and be open to…

    the layers that get peeled off… is just incredible.. for me… I get to know me more and more… and understand why my NV’s are there… to protect me… they (NV’s) think they are helping…

    and then I get to give myself new beliefs… it’s amazing… AND I do feel wonderful about what you said… the inner work IS about having more FUN, JOY and PEACE all good feelings!!!


  221.  #221Erika Awakening on August 3, 2013 at 10:22 am

    I got on Rori’s newsletter list again, and I really like the new newsletters …

    Today I’m taking care of myself by going to the spa again even though I went yesterday. My body is calling out for the extra support, and I deserve to be supported. I signed up for the 110 minute massage and I feel happy to devote the day to relaxation and having people take care of me.

    “A healed mind does not plan.” I have no plan for my life now other than a plane ticket to Bali …

  222.  #222Lisa on August 3, 2013 at 11:04 am

    Do we have to re-sign for the newsletters?

  223.  #223miranda faith on August 3, 2013 at 11:11 am

    Hello everyone, peace and blessings to all… having a won fearful day, just feel at peace with my surroundings. It just washed over like a pure wave. Just wanted to encourage each of your to remember that in your center is something that makes you all wonderful beautiful and capable of reaching all you desire.

    Wonderful goddesses thank you deeply.

  224.  #224April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 11:11 am

    Ah, yes…PEACE… that’s the one. The feeling I so often miss without knowing what I’m missing.
    And when it is there…. feeling complete. Anxiety gone.

    Mmm. I feel peaceful acknowledging peace.

  225.  #225April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 11:16 am

    miranda f,

    “I ask them to have lunch and even bring them soup incase they can’t get out. Said no thanks. I ask if I could call tomorrow and said “let me think about it” what does this mean for both replies. an I get some opinions please”

    I’m not sure of the context, but this feels like you are leaning forward and it is not wanted.
    If it were me I would cease initiating, or offering kindnesses. Sometimes men see this as disrespect, and get annoyed because they feel under pressure when we start to row the boat.

  226.  #226April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 11:21 am

    WM seems to be one of those men who won’t row the boat and won’t let me row it either.

    This is indicated in his ‘relationship capacity report’.
    I feel so eased reading the report. I had often questioned whether things were going wrong because of me.

    The report states
    “this man will be a hard man to have a relationship with. Exra work, less fulfillment, more frustration and more disappointments are what a relationship with this one will lead to.”

  227.  #227Lisa on August 3, 2013 at 11:27 am

    @April Rose where do you get relationship reports?

    I get that, I’ve had those type situations before…

    I’m glad you feel at ease with the report. I’m glad you didn’t project it inward…



  228.  #228Elsie on August 3, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Ok – so I have a date with CollegeCD tonight – he has been texting me how excited he is. He asked if “we were there yet” meaning – can he wear shorts and flip flops….which I GUESS is fine. Ugh. I wish there was more of an attempt to impress me but I know he is trying to be cute.

    Anyway – I said yes, that we can do whatever but my ex and child are getting back to the house by 8pm so we have to be gone by then. I said to just let me know what we are doing so I can know the dress code. 🙂

    But, now I’m waiting for his answer. I”m wondering if I should offer some restaurants around here since he doesnt know the area – there are some cool ones I know he would NEVER know of. One with a DJ tonight, etc. Or, the other idea would be to watch one Firefly show and eat in. (I’m not saying I would cook – he could bring takeout here, etc.)

    What do you think? Is that rowing? Is that leaning in? I feel like it is – but it sort of feels natural to do that? I dont know. I havent yet – just wanted to get your advice.

  229.  #229Wildgeranium on August 3, 2013 at 12:20 pm


    Yep–leaning forward & rowing. And, I also think you know this.

    It may feel natural to you, but is it leading to the relationship that you want?

    If you plan the evening you are taking away one of the greatest pleasures a guy has–that is, planning a date and experiences your pleasure in the date.

    If you plan the restaurant and activities, how will you know if this man is someone who can provide what you need in a relationship?

    He wants to wear shorts and flip-flops on the second date. You say “ugh”….why not tell him that it feels a little casual to you, or icky, or whatever. Perfect situation to use a feeling message in. If you can’t be honest with him, them he will be surprised when–at some point–he realized that you are not o.k. with how he is and what he does. right?


  230.  #230April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 1:10 pm


    I had the report done through Carol Allen. It cost €20.
    You need to know the man’s birthdate and time.

    Carol says relationship capacity comes before compatibility. People with high capacity will pretty much have a good relationship even if not greatly compatible.

    People with low capacity may struggle to have a harmonious relationship even when they have good compatibility with their partner.

  231.  #231Indigo on August 3, 2013 at 1:20 pm


    Personally I think it’s a little soon to be worrying about trying to “guide” the date, which is a little leany forward.

    I think this is the stage of dating where a guy is revealing himself to you, and I would be more in the “curious” mode than the worrying mode.

    I realize you feel a little weird by him wanting to wear shorts and flip flops, but he did ask you which shows that he does respect you. I’m not sure it shows that he is not trying to impress you. Maybe see if you can go with the flow and enjoy it…

    Have a great time 🙂

  232.  #232April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    I just had an a-ha!

    According to Carol Allen’s ‘Love-blocking Cycles’ report, I am currently in the middle of a two-year difficult period. She says it is tough to find love during such a period, and that it will be frustrating to try to do so.

    BUT…it’s a perfect time for inner work, therapy and healing. So… I get to circular date as much as I want with no expectation or agenda other than facilitating my own healing and growth.

    This feels awesome and exciting.

  233.  #233Lisa on August 3, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    @April Rose

    Oh wow I’ve been trying to get in with her… she isn’t taking anyone new..

    Does she do computer generated reports… I don’t have birth times only dates.. 🙁


  234.  #234Veronica on August 3, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Hana! Hi, so good to hear from you – when I’m driving around Joburg I think of you sometimes. There’s only one salsa club that we wanted to go to but it only opens on a weekday night and from 9pm – maybe when winter’s over.

  235.  #235Veronica on August 3, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    I have difficulty receiving. I’ve noticed something keeping myself back from opening up, giving out. Usually I’m sad with myself that I can’t do this but now maybe I’m suspecting there’s an insistence in myself. I believe it’s an insistence on ‘love me properly as a person deserving of the dearest love’ but I’m not sure since it’s a very deep insistence. I only recognized it today as insistence. It’s also very strong in the sense that I can feel shut down, my body can close up even if I want to be open.

    And I notice that what I desire is intimacy and I can feel myself searching for that in my interactions – it’s an energy that has ‘No, we will eat together; No I will share with you how I feel; No I will value the interactions in which intimacy is possible’ in it – it feels like a very strong resistance.

  236.  #236April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 2:05 pm


    Yes, it’s the online reports that I have had done.
    You need a birthtime for it to be accurate.

  237.  #237miranda faith on August 3, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    ThAnks April Rose….. the thing is about the soup and the guys getting mad and all that. If a guy gets ma d over a bowl of soup and can’t handle a little boat rowing what does that say Bout the guy( it’s easy to stay in someone’s own world and shout disrespect)…. guys get pissed, but the thing is what will they do about it. (Nothing)personally, I am kind because that’s my nature and i would rather die a horrible death like having to listen to someone talk incestuous to the point that I have no oxygen to breath, ” I actually know a man like this” then not give the very best I have. And if it’s not wanted.. that’s ok because I’m not who I am or how I am for anyone it just my nature… I will love who I love with no agenda because I love not because I get back. Shewww!!.. I have witnessed the zoonanny at her prime and so the rest is what it is. I say it’s terms of endearment. April Rose I hope(really do!) I didn’t misinterpret your post… much love to all. I got potatoes soup if anyone wants.some

  238.  #238miranda faith on August 3, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    ThAnks April Rose….. the thing is about the soup and the guys getting mad and all that. If a guy gets ma d over a bowl of soup and can’t handle a little boat rowing what does that say Bout the guy( it’s easy to stay in someone’s own world and shout disrespect)…. guys get pissed, but the thing is what will they do about it. (Nothing)personally, I am kind because that’s my nature and i would rather die a horrible death like having to listen to someone talk incestuous to the point that I have no oxygen to breath, ” I actually know a man like this” then not give the very best I have. And if it’s not wanted.. that’s ok because I’m not who I am or how I am for anyone it just my nature… I will love who I love with no agenda because I love not because I get back. Shewww!!.. I have witnessed the zoonanny at her prime and so the rest is what it is. I say it’s terms of endearment. April Rose I hope(really do!) I didn’t misinterpret your post… much love to all. I got potatoes soup if anyone wants.some

  239.  #239miranda faith on August 3, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    A birth time huh? Wow

  240.  #240April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    I’d love some of your soup, miranda 🙂

  241.  #241April Rose on August 3, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    what’s a zoonanny? I feel curious

  242.  #242miranda faith on August 3, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    Ok when would u like it? I really have plenty

  243.  #243miranda faith on August 3, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    Zoonanny was a spell error. 🙂

  244.  #244Femininewoman on August 3, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Elsie I don’t see it as leaning forward to talk about restaurants in your area with a man who is coming and don’t know the area. I believe it is all dependent on how you share that information. If he asks I would go ooohh Indian would feel yummy. Or something like let me check in with myself to see what I feel like having. Then say I feel like having some yummy indian curry or whatever. Then he likely would ask you if you know of one close by. Or maybe even go to an area where there are more than one eating places and gush about something you that felt scrumptious in your mouth and tummy. When let a man stumble in the dark around an area that he doesn’t know? How could he possibly get things right?

  245.  #245Femininewoman on August 3, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    Lisa sometimes you have to re-sign. If you haven’t bought anything in a while sometimes stuff stops coming. It has happened to me in the past. I used another email address.

  246.  #246Nas on August 3, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    I just found this blog today. I felt like someone read my journals and shared my secret thoughts with the world. Luzydel #30 brought tears to my eyes. I have been doing this all wrong. The man who pulled away from me has come in and out of my life five times over the last 25 years. This last time was while I was married to an abusive spouse. We instantly connected and he was initiating contact. We have logged many hours on the phone (he lives in another state), FB and skype over the last nearly 4 years. But in the last year I felt a shift. We only speak if I initiate contact and he seems very distant. Now, I have divorced and moved out of my home and he is basically ignoring me. So in a bold move on my part, I told him I’m done chasing him. I sent a scathing email outlining my hurt and disappointment and vowing to never call, text or do any of the things I’ve been doing for the last 4 years to show him I care. That was a week ago. His reply to my email was two letters – OK. I am crushed and I’ve been crying and feel like a fool. Now what?

  247.  #247miranda faith on August 3, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    My eyes hurt from swimming, think I’m going to give them break…. much respect for all here. I think I understand now the principles that make this a good place 2 EXPRESS our inner most selves in a enviornment that is friendly and safe. Wonderful .. goodnight.

  248.  #248Zia on August 3, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Elsie – he asked you if it was ok to wear shorts and flip flops, so that shows he cares about your opinion which in my opinion is better than assuming as a way to try and impress you. You said it was fine so that’s on you 😉

  249.  #249Erika Awakening on August 3, 2013 at 5:26 pm

    Veronica, one of the issues I’ve done a lot of clearing around for myself is receiving … I discovered that I had a lot of subconscious beliefs that the “hidden” costs of receiving were too high … that there would always be a “catch” … “strings attached” … guilt … the other person mad later … and so forth … So it felt too scary to receive based on past experiences.

    I’m still clearing this stuff. I’ve worked with many, many people who have the same pattern and block. So we are not alone in this. I cleared a bunch more with this recent guy because I thought he was giving to me as a friend, since I had made clear that I did not want a romantic or sexual relationship. And then I got blindsided while I was traveling with his “what took you so long to come around to having a life partnership with me?” email … ewwwww yucky … so it was more clearing on receiving …

  250.  #250Erika Awakening on August 3, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    lol … now re-reading what I just wrote, it feels a little humorous to me that I’m so pissed off and indignant about a guy trying to “sew me up” …

  251.  #251Erika Awakening on August 3, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Next time I’m really into a guy, I’m going to do exactly what I did with this guy I turned out not to be into … I feel really curious what will happen …

  252.  #252Denise on August 3, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Well guys my date did not happen. For some reason after texting me all week saying nothing but nice things to me, he disappeared today. I thought it was a bit weird. I feel ok about not going out but did feel it was a good step forward. I had a tarot card reading. It told me a few ways my life was headed. Now I’m not sure how truth these readings are but it was helpful. It said my husband was confused about our situation and he has a lot of issues to deal with. He list his younger brother to violence. It also told me not to get involved with any guy right now. It said my thoughts are based on my husband and marriage. I find my self struggling trying to get these thoughts out of my head but they tend to pop in and out. It told me to focus on being a single mother of 4 for right now. So weird.

  253.  #253Zia on August 3, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    Right now, i feel like i don’t “fit in” anywhere….

  254.  #254Tereana on August 3, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    Erika – It’s really sweet that you love animals so much, and that it makes you sad that you’re kitties eat meat. But trust me, in order for your cats to be “safe and free” they need to eat what they need to eat. I read a story recently about kittens that were brought into a vet in Australia, basically dying of malnourishment, because they owners tried to raise them on a vegan diet. The kittens were revived by feeding them just a little bit of meat.

    For humans, we’re omnivorous. We can survive without meat if we choose to. But animals that subsist on meat can’t really make that choice, and we shouldn’t be the ones to make it for them. In a way, that’s a form of control, and it gives me a sick, icky feeling low in my abdomen.

    For me, what feels best is to feed my kitties what makes them happiest and healthiest.

    If you want to feel better about it, you can always search for organic or even free-range pet foods. They are out there.

  255.  #255Tereana on August 3, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    “zoonanny” Lol

    Ok, 2 things: 1) if that was a typing error, what was it supposed to say, and 2) Why did it autocorrect to “zoonanny”? lol 😀

  256.  #256Tereana on August 3, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    Sophie – 213: Thanks for sharing that about your feelings around pregnancy. A lot of that really resonated with me, too! I also feel like I’m waiting for “the right time” or to “be ready.” But really, all I need to do is to be able to say Yes in the moment.

    That’s what came up for me today, anyway…

  257.  #257Erika Awakening on August 3, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    Zia, that’s how I feel too.

    Tereana, thanks for your concern. I actually believe that the belief that cats need to eat meat is just a belief. And that the lion will lie down with the lamb. That animals will stop being predators when we stop being predators because they are just a mirror. That said, after last year and everything I went through with Fritz, I’ll be waiting for a “clear miracle solution” before doing a non-meat diet for them. I feel more comfortable letting the angels handle this one.

  258.  #258Radlove on August 3, 2013 at 10:47 pm


    204 – That’s beautiful! I am in the process of stopping eating meat. I was a vegetarian in the past, and I felt much better. I have seen so much gross stuff about the cruel way animals are handled at farms and slaughter chambers that I just can’t enjoy meat anymore if I wanted to (I recommend “Animal Cruelty Exposed” on facebook).

    I believe God wants to be a MatchMaker if we give him space to. I prayed for that abo)ut 9 years ago after reading a book by that title (“God is a Match Maker”, by Derek Prince). He met both of his wives supernaturally. The first was a solid 30 years older, yet they had 30 some happy years together.

    I believe my relationship with R is supernatural, and, after about 5 years, it is starting to come together at last. He is 15 years younger, and he is my match in very deep ways that other men don’t begin to touch.

  259.  #259Radlove on August 3, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    Speaking of animals, I like it when my German Shepherd leans the length of her back against the side of my leg, as she is doing now while I am sitting up in bed. It feels so warm, loving, and secure. Animals add so much to life.

  260.  #260Radlove on August 3, 2013 at 10:57 pm


    I also feel yucky about feeding my pets meat, and I am hoping to get a vegetarian diet from a friend who has a dog rescue friend who feeds them full vegetarian. I will let you know if I get the diet.

    In the past, my naturopathic vet said that cats can live on meat alone, but dogs would not get full nutrition. He explained how in the wild, wolves eat the contents of the stomachs of the herbivores they eat. So I routinely add vegetables to my girls’ food. What works best is baby spinach or lettuce cut up small. I found tomatoes and or tomato sauce (not paste) is good for cleansing for them, too.

    I also feed them cooked mixed vegetables, corn, peas, etc.

    One thing that horrifies me is many lower grade pet food companies put dead cats and dogs into the dog and cat food. It is an atrocity that sickens me to no end.

  261.  #261Vi on August 3, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    Radlove, 256 – Aww 🙂

  262.  #262Sunflower on August 3, 2013 at 11:38 pm


    Hi FW, followed your advise in the last post, and reached out to this guy i was emailing. Said I would be visiting his city on work, and would love to meet him.
    No response in two days ( I know I shouldn’t have checked, but was feeling curious and I did ;-), and he has been online).

    So I have an answer, he is not feeling interest or desire for me.
    I feel sad, and I feel I OK.
    I like desire coming towarss me, and loads of interest. I am going to be where I feel surrounded by desire and interest for me.

    I feel good about FW’s advise to “reach out”.
    When you lean forward once in awahile, to see what happens, you also get answers..:). Thanks FW.

  263.  #263April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 2:34 am


    Yeah, I’m still feeling curious about zoonanny….

    and feeling giggly

  264.  #264Femininewoman on August 4, 2013 at 4:35 am

    Yes you do Sunflower. Including how you feel being in the masculine. You get to see what you can create and get clarity on where you want to invest your energy. Now you get to decide if this guy come towards you in the future how to respond because you are clear on what you want.

  265.  #265Angel on August 4, 2013 at 4:54 am

    I feel nervous, feels like I have a growing balloon in my chest pressing to get out. My head feels heavy and overheated, and my eyes feel strained like they can’t stop going around searching for “the right thing to do”.
    Okay, take all this, drop it into my pelvis. Dropping it down. I can feel this. They are feelings, they won’t hurt me, they just want to be heard. Feel them. My neck feels really tense. Drop that too. Looong breath out. Ahh… It feels a lot better now.
    I press send. Mmm, I feel better now. I feel excited and all bubbly in my stomach going on a date tonight. I feel all smiley also over how CD spoke to me. Leaning back feels so scary, but so wonderful every time something happens without me having to put effort to it.

  266.  #266Luzydel on August 4, 2013 at 5:16 am

    @ 259:

    Also Sunflower, his lack of response may have nothing to do with you or the fact that you initiated. Do not take it personal. There may be other things going on on his side. Yep you got your answer, but it was not because you leaned forward or backward; well nothing you did provoked his lack of response. He may have never intended on meeting you to begin with. So leaning forward actually helped you find out before you got more invested…

  267.  #267Veronica on August 4, 2013 at 5:29 am

    Erika -247 – Thank you for reminding me that this is an ongoing process. For some reason I had thought that it was a mind shift that I needed to do. And I kept feeling like I was failing.

    Gosh that e-mail is gross – all I feel when I think of it is RUN! It feels deeply underhanded and manipulative.

    My fear around receiving also includes my anxiety and past experiences of ‘I have received and appreciated what you have given to me and over time I am led to believe through your words and actions that there is love or friendship growing between us’ only to be discarded later on and not even informed of that happening. That is what I’m afraid of – the betrayal – and it really cuts me.

  268.  #268Zia on August 4, 2013 at 5:29 am

    262 Angel: ” They are feelings, they won’t hurt me, they just want to be heard.” <3 love this

  269.  #269Veronica on August 4, 2013 at 5:42 am

    I like this article a lot – wish I knew of it a year and a half ago.

  270.  #270Syreena on August 4, 2013 at 7:05 am

    I feel cynical and concerned, re Carol Allens reports.

    As to me it feels obvious that it would take two years of inner work to get to grieve and do inner work if letting go of an old realtionshipkes. As two years is normal amount of time it takes to grieve. And also that cding as in dating myself friends men etc would help so long as I didn’t get invested, start a new realtionship of have sex in that time. To use this time to cd to find the real me again, what I did and didn’t want and get some healthier boundaries, treating myself better. Not to be out there desperate to find a man or the one or losing myself even more geting involved with the wrong man or men for me.

    It isn’t just some men who are predetors who will prey on vulnerable women, there are women too. And women are more vulnerable to astrology and such at times like this.

    I feel sad about this.

  271.  #271Sunflower on August 4, 2013 at 7:54 am

    @Femininewoman, Luzydel.

    I don’t mind using the masculine sometimes, to smoke out those who come in the way of desire of my feminie, and give her space to draw in what she wants.
    The ‘she’ is happy, sipping single malt, feeling high with herself..;-).

  272.  #272Sunflower on August 4, 2013 at 7:57 am

    She likes the velvety, smoothe, easy feel of things.

    She does not like anything that feels like a hiccups…:)

  273.  #273Sunflower on August 4, 2013 at 7:59 am

    Thankyou for hearing me Femininewoman, and Luzydel 🙂

  274.  #274April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 8:30 am

    I feel angry and want to lash out at opinionated people

  275.  #275April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 8:31 am

    What are you saying, Syreena?
    Can you please clarify?

  276.  #276Mercedes on August 4, 2013 at 8:32 am

    We got the keys to Kahanu Yoga & Meditation Spa! For the first time since we started this whole process, we were able to open our own doors! 🙂 Seems small but it feels huge to us. Designs are out for bid and we’re really, really going to SEE progress. Up until now, we’ve just been imagining it.

    I’m feeling very blessed and excited today!!

    Much Love,

  277.  #277April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 8:34 am

    I have been over four years involved with someone who very much feels like the wrong man for me.

    After this amount of time, in past relationships, I have closed up my heart through constant frustration.

    I choose to believe my picker has been very off.
    I choose not to believe that I am crap at relationships.

    The report I got from Carol Allen soothed me, as it showed me it was NOT MY FAULT.

  278.  #278seahorse on August 4, 2013 at 8:35 am

    Hot Diggety Dog Mercedes!!!!!!!!!!!! Super news sugar!!!!!! I feel soooo happy for you! Don’t forget to breathe;) big hugs, Seahorse

  279.  #279Cris on August 4, 2013 at 8:35 am

    well, ladies… it seems that my concern is not in the same cathegory as yours maybe, cause you are searching your partner forever and I fell in love by email. He is my email-lover, no cyberlover because we don’t skype or chat or use the cameras. I met him accidentally in an online game and since then we have interchange a lot of hot emails..
    we will never meet or even have the opportunity to talk (he just sent me his photo last week) but… I fell in love. Amazing but it is possible to be in love with someone this way. Problem is that he is still there but the frequency of his emails have decreased and as a result, I am more in love! so I wonder if Rori’s advices are also valid for this case….

  280.  #280April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 8:36 am

    Great news, Mercedes
    I feel inspired and encouraged hearing your news.

  281.  #281Cris on August 4, 2013 at 8:38 am

    all the best for you and reading this blog is helping me

  282.  #282April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Why do I stay past the point where I feel bad so much of the time, and Dream of leaving? Yet I stay.

    There is no shortage of love. Yet it feels twisted into resentment, grudges, disappointment and sorrow.

    When will I surrender?

  283.  #283seahorse on August 4, 2013 at 8:38 am

    April Rose- You are not crap at relationships. Your picker is doing fine………… you are adjusting it………fine tuning it, if you will. Me too;) We are a work in progress and we are finding our way. Fault shmalt…………….. it is what is April Rose. We are beautiful and learning. Big Hugs sweet siren:)

  284.  #284Lisa on August 4, 2013 at 8:39 am

    @April Rose

    go with what feels accurate to you.,.. sounds like your very clear that this report confirmed what your gut is saying… I feel the same way at times when I read something that confirms me…

    It isn’t your fault… and I support what feels right for you!!!


  285.  #285seahorse on August 4, 2013 at 8:47 am

    April Rose- The horoscope thing…………… I am a Chinese Fire Horse. I about cried after reading the dismal and dark findings of that sign. I am also a Archer/Sag………….. the time of birth thing………I don’t even have a Venus Love planet….. I think. I got triggered by the firehorse thing and felt so sad and then went reading about the Sag thing and then gave up……………………. It sucked. I hope for better luck than mine.

  286.  #286Luzydel on August 4, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Ugh emailing back and forth with a prospect CD, but it is getting boring. I do not ant to be the first on suggesting to take the conbo over the phone, but I hate the email ping pong game. I want to meet and see…

    How to suggest, but still make it look like it was his idea?

  287.  #287Luzydel on August 4, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Nahh he’s just killing time and not really interested. Just ended the email with an “ok…” Ugh! I hate OLD!

  288.  #288Mercedes on August 4, 2013 at 8:56 am

    Thank you so much ladies! This is a great time in our lives. We’re moving to another level and it’s exciting!! We have a common dream…goal…mission. Something outside of our relationship we can love together and grow together. Bringing “business partner” into our already existing life partner relationship. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time.

    Here’s something I found that I just love. It is what happened to my marriage and it is NOT what will happen to my love this time. We are mindful of the moment and we treat each other with love and respect. Those little things are not going to build up this time…

    “Relationships aren’t destroyed by cataclysmic arguments. They are eroded by the little things that happen over time. We’re all excited when a relationship starts. We watch what we do. We edit our actions and mind our words. We gloss over the details because we love the dream of what could be. We sacrifice the now for what we want in the future.

    As our relationship grows, we get comfortable. We stop editing ourselves and return to our old habits. Sarcasm drips back into our words. Those little side comments and the not so subtle glances that we once held back are now tossed out without a thought. It’s not that we no longer love it’s just that we not quite as careful of our actions, and neither is your husband, wife, partner or lover.”


    Much Love,

  289.  #289Dominique on August 4, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Cris – the problem here is that unless a man is in front of you, for all intents and purposes, he doesn’t exist. This is an imaginary relationship. xxoo

  290.  #290Cris on August 4, 2013 at 9:02 am

    thanks Dominique, I understand but it exists… maybe only a fantasy but it is real..

  291.  #291April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 9:24 am

    Yes, those daily things…..ugh
    When I first found Rori I was determined to be all sireny. Over time, my inner angry girl has started spilling out again.
    Time to re-watch Modern Siren methinks.
    And to read ‘Your Outer Child’.

    I’m so happy you are staying mindful in the moment and treating each other with respect. Is that an unspoken agreement between you and J, or have you discussed it?

  292.  #292April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 9:28 am


    To me, a Chinese firehorse sounds amazing and vibrant and full of passion. My Chinese sign is a sheep. That sounds woolly and a bit bland!

    Let’s create our own star sign names!
    You could be Magic Seahorse. I’ll be April Raindrop?

  293.  #293April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 9:31 am


    thank you for your comment. I feel more peaceful now…we are beautiful and we are learning….Wow.
    I feel under so much pressure to be perfect and be doing everything right..
    I often feel panicked, thinking I am so far away from where I’d like to be in terms of having my life working effectively.
    always learning…phew… feels tiring. I’d like a day off school please.

  294.  #294Mercedes on August 4, 2013 at 9:32 am

    April Rose: I don’t think we discussed that it was something we had to do but I know we’ve discussed that it is something we do. I know we’ve talked about how important it is to us. And we did make a commitment to always be each other’s best friend. We would never do or say anything to each other that we wouldn’t do or say to a best friend. We treat each other respectfully whether we’re in each other’s presence or not. That part is kind of key for us. “Never do or say anything you wouldn’t do or say if I was sitting next to you.” It’s about loving respect all the time. If we practice it all the time then those other ugly habits are no longer habits and they don’t come creeping in.

    For both of us, sitting with ourselves (our true selves) and contemplating who we are and who we want to be…what message we want to send to the world…keeps us strong in the way we want to live our lives. And we both want to live our lives in a way that enhances the other and supports their journey.

    We’ve talked about all of these things. But I think we started talking about them right away when things were really, really good. Talking about them when things go bad will probably still help a lot but we saved time by doing it early on. (and by early on, I mean when we got back together and decided to create a real life together…not that fake stuff we had going on in the beginning before it all fell apart).

    Much Love,

  295.  #295April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 9:33 am


    Thank you for the hugs. I think you could use some too
    How are you feeling today?

  296.  #296magic seahorse on August 4, 2013 at 9:33 am

    April Rose!!! Look! I am now Magic Seahorse…….. what a lovely idea and I’m going with it! Thank you April Raindrop:)

  297.  #297seahorse on August 4, 2013 at 9:34 am

    Hahahahaahah! I changed my name to Magic Seahorse and it went into mod! Heheheheehehe! I am going to change into that……………..

  298.  #298Mercedes on August 4, 2013 at 9:35 am

    April Rose: Wow! This so, so much describes where I’ve been and where I’m learning to grow from. Sooooo me…. “I feel under so much pressure to be perfect and be doing everything right..
    I often feel panicked, thinking I am so far away from where I’d like to be in terms of having my life working effectively.”

    Thank you!

    Much Love,

  299.  #299Magic Seahorse on August 4, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Tadaaa!!!! and for my next trick…………

  300.  #300Femininewoman on August 4, 2013 at 9:37 am

    No Cris you are not in love. You are finding out about yourself and how active your imagination is. How human nature is. How we want what we can’t have. This is niot love

  301.  #301Sophie on August 4, 2013 at 9:40 am

    it feels really exciting to hear about how your plans are moving forward Mercedes – yay! – congratulations – it does feel inspiring – evidence that we can create our dreams

    April Rose ((Hugs)) I could feel your frustration especially when you were asking why you may choose to stay in something so long – I heard that bit because I could identify – I feel most frustrated when I’m in that stage of feeling stuck and unsure what to do – it feels like wrestling in chains – i am noticing though that there is often for me a precontemplative period like that that feels very uncomfortable and often afterwards there is a breakthrough – I like Seahorses comment to you – it is so true we are all learning and one of the biggest learnings for me is to be gentle with myself as I do 🙂

  302.  #302April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 9:41 am

    Wow to you, Mercedes,

    If you have thoughts like that too, then I feel deeply encouraged that there is hope for me too.

    A wonderful relationship and business venture and regular spiritual practice – that is what I want.

  303.  #303Mercedes on August 4, 2013 at 9:47 am

    Oh April Rose…I do…I have thoughts like that. I have nasty voices that rise up inside me. I have a journey that I am on. The amazing part about where I am at is that I have a love that is dedicated to supporting my journey…that helps a lot. But yes…I struggle with thoughts that don’t serve me and fears that have no purpose. I’m working through those things all the time. You’re not alone in this…and neither am I.

    Much Love,

  304.  #304April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 9:48 am

    Thank you Sophie for the hugs and the reminder to be gentle with self. I can be so rough and demanding.

    Hugs to you and to little, scared me. (((((Sophie)))))

    It feels good to hear things may be on the cusp of a breakthrough.

  305.  #305Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Veronica, yeah gross is right. Or how about after he gave me Reiki long distance when he sent me a text afterward saying this:

    “Your astral self asked me whether I thought you would be a worthy bride.”

    OMG, I felt so disgusted. That was the last time I was willing to receive Reiki from him. Horrible boundaries as a healer. I had already told him I was not interested, and I told him again after that text message, rather bluntly. Yet he still later sent the “what took you so long?” email. Blech. I feel vomity just thinking about it …

    Today I feel resistance about everything. I don’t feel like showering or working out or recording videos … What I’ve gotten in touch with the past year is this deeper part of me that my whole life has been pissed off about all the things I’ve been forced to DO … just wants to rest and do nothing.

    Mercedes, that feels so amazingly exciting … I feel thrilled for you.

  306.  #306Dominique on August 4, 2013 at 10:01 am

    Cris – a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. It exists only in your mind. You cannot bring back someone who has never been there nor fix something that has not been. He may or may not be good practice for when a real live man is there. I hope he can be. You may want to explore your own fears here, intimacy especially. Love to you. xxoo

  307.  #307Dominique on August 4, 2013 at 10:06 am

    April Rose – You are so not alone in having difficulty letting go of a man or situation which doesn’t feel good. Trust yourself in knowing when the time is right for YOU. xxoo

  308.  #308Lisa on August 4, 2013 at 10:28 am

    @April Rose

    I’m feeling tired today still from all the purging this week and crying… but peaceful and clear. Thanks for asking!

    side note:

    “L” had been very attentive in contacting me via text = email and phone…that feels good to have the ease of contact, with no effort from me. He seems honest in his discussions and telling it like it is… I like that.. we haven’t met in person yet, so no expectations …. and that is fine.. but for me to FEEL how it feels to have the contact and the ease of it… having a man want to talk to me.. ask me how I’m doing, what I’m doing, how my evening went…

    That feels good… I’d like more of that… please!

    Went out with the girls last night… it was so fun! to just BE and not have any man stuff in my mind… no strings hanging on … no need, no desire for a man… but to feel the tingling when I listened to music I like… and dance like no body is watching… felt good…

    Music feeds my soul… and I can’t help but dance… it’s just me.. 😉



  309.  #309Mercedes on August 4, 2013 at 10:29 am

    Thank you Erika! It feels amazing right now…perfectly amazing…

    Much Love,

  310.  #310Indigo on August 4, 2013 at 10:40 am

    Yay Mercedes!! 🙂

  311.  #311Rori Raye on August 4, 2013 at 10:47 am

    Nas – how about – I feel open to starting fresh with you, and it would feel good to not be the organizer of that.

  312.  #312Mercedes on August 4, 2013 at 10:48 am

    Thank you Indigo! I feel so supported today!

    Much Love,

  313.  #313Indigo on August 4, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Oh God. I tried to communicate this evening, and it came out all wrong.

    D and I had planned to go out and get a bite to eat and coffee and then come back and hang out together, and he is a sensitive being, he could tell something was niggling at me when I arrived.

    Anyway, I eventually decided to say something, because he KNOWS me and he knows when something is wrong. And I said I just wanted to understand about Saturday nights and I still felt nervous because of the time we’d spent apart, that I trusted him completely but I just wanted to understand where he was coming from and about us going to things together. As I said it, I knew it came out all wrong and he got all male and angry.

    And yet. The whole thing blew over in a matter of minutes. Even so, he was able to reassure me, basically ask me to trust him, and I felt horrible and apologized. And we both took a little time out to decompress, and then it was all fine again.

    Sigh. 🙂 I feel like an imperfect, messy goddess today, who is still loved.

  314.  #314Indigo on August 4, 2013 at 11:02 am

    (((April Rose)))

    You are on your perfect path.

    I think we all feel the drive to be perfect, make the perfect decisions, at the perfect time, in the perfect way, with the perfect words.

    Let it go… there is only one you and you are doing just fine. xx

  315.  #315Indigo on August 4, 2013 at 11:08 am


    I love what you say about treating each other with loving respect, and about having someone who is dedicated to supporting your journey.

    This feels so important.

    I feel as if I have that in D (I am saying tentatively). I remember when it seemed very likely that I would lose my job last year and without my saying anything, he stepped in and offered to support me financially. I feel as if I know that he would always be behind me, whatever I decided to do, and would never question it. This feels so important to me.

  316.  #316Indigo on August 4, 2013 at 11:10 am


    I realize that the above conversation happened because of my last little bit of difficulty in choosing trust. I clearly have a little bit of work to do on that still 🙂

  317.  #317janiebaby on August 4, 2013 at 11:13 am

    I feel sad. I need help with a love script please. My feelings are so blamey and angry. Can someone help me make them loving?

    I feel really angry and sad. I feel like throwing a tantrum. I feel like he abandoned me. I feel tricked. but I also don’t know if this is all in my mind. I just feel like he someone really loved me they would call me when they say they would. He went on vacation this week to see his family (I’m going today to visit mine an hour away from his and we were planning on meeting a for a day in the next 10 days… Friday night he called and said he’d call me yesterday to check on me and that I could always call him if I needed(I was feeling lonely on friday)…He never called yesterday and I felt upset. I felt let down. I feel dumb for allowing him to affect my mood. It just feels sad when you feel like you’ve lost a best friend. We were best friends for so long I never thought of any of this stuff. I’d call him when I wanted and felt secure cause he would always pick up and always be the one to usually call me first/want to see me/ etc. Now I feel like I want more. He’s content sleeping over a few nights a week and not calling me the other days. I need more. He never called so I called him twice last night when I got home form work and texted “you never called :(” Not sireny but I was upset and I figure if it’s meant to be nothing I do will affect that …He has still not called me! I’m so upset ..I’m gonna leave it up to him now. He’s also supposed to call me tonight to tell me what day is good to get together out of my available days but we’ll see. I have a bad feeling… If he finally does call and just doesn’t know why I’m upset.. he obviously doesn’t care about my needs. I tried to talk to him about my needs on friday and I just got demanding and whiny and I start to cry cause I’m so sad.

    Sorry that was a jumble of feelings. If I do end up seeing him this week on vacation I want to bring up my feelings. I’m starting to feel insecure and I know it’s our exclusivity but I don’t want to break up… How do you think I could phrase my feelings in a non-blamey way while stating what I need?

  318.  #318Sophie on August 4, 2013 at 11:18 am

    ((hugs to all our imperfections and small child scared feelings))

    I woke up feeling good today a real sense of all is well and there was a nice rhythm to my day

    i am enjoying CD1 I have no idea what to call him but he feels really engaged with who i am. He says things like when there was a thunder storm in the night, or a gloriously sunny morning or a rainbow I thought of you and finds films to watch that he knows I’ll like and finds ways to help me all the time like fixing my computer and building my exercise machine and doing my washing up and giving me massages and letting me talk (a lot) and bringing me food and so many other things. I feel completely supported by him; completely with my emotions and my passions. That feels nice. That feels safe!

    And today has felt calm and relaxing and quiet and I like that a lot. A rainy day which hasn’t left me gloomy but pleased to have been able to stay snuggled up inside; good food; good books lots of nurturing well being. I love days like today.

  319.  #319Janie Baby on August 4, 2013 at 11:19 am

    I feel sad. I need help with a love script please. My feelings are so blamey and angry. Can someone help me make them loving?

    I feel really angry and sad. I feel like throwing a tantrum. I feel like he abandoned me. I feel tricked. but I also don’t know if this is all in my mind. I just feel like he someone really loved me they would call me when they say they would. He went on vacation this week to see his family (I’m going today to visit mine an hour away from his and we were planning on meeting a for a day in the next 10 days… Friday night he called and said he’d call me yesterday to check on me and that I could always call him if I needed(I was feeling lonely on friday)…He never called yesterday and I felt upset. I felt let down. I feel dumb for allowing him to affect my mood. It just feels sad when you feel like you’ve lost a best friend. We were best friends for so long I never thought of any of this stuff. I’d call him when I wanted and felt secure cause he would always pick up and always be the one to usually call me first/want to see me/ etc. Now I feel like I want more. He’s content sleeping over a few nights a week and not calling me the other days. I need more. He never called so I called him twice last night when I got home form work and texted “you never called 🙁 ” Not sireny but I was upset and I figure if it’s meant to be nothing I do will affect that …He has still not called me! I’m so upset ..I’m gonna leave it up to him now. He’s also supposed to call me tonight to tell me what day is good to get together out of my available days but we’ll see. I have a bad feeling… If he finally does call and just doesn’t know why I’m upset.. he obviously doesn’t care about my needs. I tried to talk to him about my needs on Friday and I just got demanding and whiny and I start to cry cause I’m so sad.

    Sorry that was a jumble of feelings. If I do end up seeing him this week on vacation I want to bring up my feelings. I’m starting to feel insecure and I know it’s our exclusivity but I don’t want to break up… How do you think I could phrase my feelings in a non-blamey way while stating what I need?

  320.  #320Janie Baby on August 4, 2013 at 11:29 am

    I can’t stop crying. Such a deep hole in my chest. I feel dramatic

  321.  #321Sophie on August 4, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Janie Baby – hugs first to all your sad feelings and all the other feelings that might be there too lots of them perhaps?

    If you have got into a bit of a cycle where you are noticing all the ways that he is currently not meeting your needs yet youre sure that you would like to be exclusive with him is there anyway to change tac and see if he begins to meet your needs again anyway by himself by a change in your energy?

    by really enjoying the time you spend with him during this trip and other times; by telling him how great it is to hear from him and how much you love the connection; by saying it feels so good to spend time together and you feel happy when it feels like in the beginning (if it does)

    i don’t know none of that might sound right to you but I know how when i get stuck on all the things that are going wrong its very difficult to see the things that are going right and the other person will feel that…

  322.  #322Janie Baby on August 4, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Sophie. I really want to try to do that but I feel a fear that I’m being a doormat when he says he’ll call and doesn’t.. Am I being a doormat if I let that go?

    I could try doing that. I just feel a panicky energy right now and saying those things could feel inauthentic at the moment. How would I change it all?

    He still hasn’t called me. I feel panicky.

  323.  #323Janie Baby on August 4, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    By the way thanks Sophie. I feel good hearing your answer.

  324.  #324Lisa on August 4, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    @Sophie That sounds wonderful! He does sound supportive, engaged and nurturing… 🙂

    @Daria I’m so happy it wasn’t a STD… I know how relieved you must feel and excited!! YAY!

    @Mercedes How really wonderful to have the keys and moving forward! That feels good!


  325.  #325Sophie on August 4, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Identifying that you feel panicky is good – it might help to create some space for the panicky feelings – can you really sink into what they are about? what is the fear?

    If i’m feeling panicky i can’t think clearly so creating some space helps me to get to a more balanced place and then i would be able to think more about whether i was being a doormat and how that felt…even if it took a day or so and if he text just saying im feeling a bit panicky i’ll call you when i feel better…focusing on returning to balance and a more powerful place

    Maybe if you are in a more powerful place with your own feelings you won’t feel like a doormat because things will feel clearer for you – it may be that he withdraws when he feels like he can’t make you happy and not because he wants to be disrespectful – maybe from a place of calm and after sometime of reconnecting in a nice way you could tell him about how worried you feel about feeling like a doormat?

  326.  #326Janie Baby on August 4, 2013 at 12:47 pm


    The feelings are about feeling alone. Losing my sense of having a family. When I moved for college , I went with my best friend since we were young. She and I drifted apart although we are still best friends but we don’t talk every day. I met him 3 and a half years ago and he became my best friend. He felt like family to me… so now it feels like I’m losing that. IT makes me scared. I feel like he’s gonna decide he’s not gonna want to see me this week and I’m really looking forward to going to the beach together…
    I have to finish packing because I’m driving down in 15 minutes haha 5 hour drive. But I was look back on your post later today Sophie. Thank you so much… ATleast I’ll be driving with my dad. some distraction. I hate this feeling though. I feel desperate. eww gross

  327.  #327Angel on August 4, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    268 Zia – Felt warm and happy reading your comment 🙂

    I feel tired right now right through my bones. Some contentment, and happy, but over it I feel tired. My date went all right, and I just want to scream out loud that all right is not good enough for me! I don’t want all right, I want better. I feel sad and alone.
    I’m feeling my sadness and giving it a hug. It’s okay sadness. Now I’m feeling really confused because the sadness totally went away when I imagined giving it a hug. Go figure. Sometimes I really can’t believe how quick changes happen when I allow myself to really feel my feelings. It helps a lot to think of dating etc. as practice. Practice feels light and easy. In my practice session today (XD) I did okay. Tried to feel my feelings, whch was okay. Tried to share how I felt about my experiences, went kinda meh. I feel stupid and every time I get nervous I return to emotionless fact-speak. I even do fake feeling messages by telling how I feel about something without actually feeling it. I also felt more nervous and self conscious being in a really fancy restaurant (and I wore a t-shirt!!!). I am telling myself that I did good because I remembered to think about sharing experiences instead of facts, and to let him say something first when there’s a silence. My head wants to tell me, no I should have done it this way or that, but I am telling myself to remember that what is important is that I noticed what felt wrong and what felt right, and that I haven’t done before. I practiced. I’m going to practice again. This was one step on the journey, not a final exam. It’s okay to feel failure and anxiety. Doesn’t mean I failed. I love my anxiety, no I don’t. I really don’t. I like feeling accomplished, I like feeling in control. No I don’t in control feels hard and tense and yucky. I like feeling safe. Feeling safe is a core need for me. I can feel safe by cherishing myself, I am me, I am beautiful, I deserve compassion and understanding. I can give that to myself. I can love my anxiety and worry because whatever happens I can feel safe in me. I am choosing to give this to myself because I deserve compassion just as much as everyone else. I feel tired processing this much.

  328.  #328April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    Thanks Indigo!

    Haha, yes there is only one of me. A one-off, an original!

    I felt delighted by you saying you felt like a messy imperfect goddess.


  329.  #329April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 1:09 pm


    “.. he feels really engaged with who i am..”

    this feels yum 🙂

  330.  #330Sophie on August 4, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    @Lisa I feel good reading your post too about how it felt nice to go out dancing and how refreshing it feels when you start feeling the energy and ease of different men – doesn’t it though? 🙂 It feels great to remember/see the evidence of different kinds of energy – like a cool breeze 🙂

    Janie baby – I do want to give you a big safe hug and help you to feel that everything is going to be ok – it will be ok – I understand the feelings of fear (well terror actually) at being alone and at the possibility of losing someone you love (or rely on or depend on) and I remember how reactive this place is – I also know that whenever the worst has happened I have always eventually been ok I am a lot stronger than I give my self credit for and chances are you are too – our fears are often a lot more powerful than reality – I have had to do a lot of work around self-soothing reminding myself that all is well and all will be well and i am ok and everything is ok and a lot of work actually sitting with the intensity of those feelings. Breathing through the panic often whilst lying under the duvet doing whatever I can to move through them rather than avoid them and constantly reassuring myself. That’s where the reactive stuff comes in I think when we try to act out or do something to resolve an issue to avoid feeling the feelings. The feelings won’t kill you they will make you stronger.

    I have had to breathe through a lot of intensely scary feelings but its no fun living in fear and being thrown into panics – it can still happen to me now but I’m getting much more resilient and I want to learn how to keep my sense of safety even when things feel scary so I will keep trying.

    I wonder if somehow if you befriend your afraid feelings it might help give you a clearer perspective.

    I don’t feel very confident posting back! You wanted help to know what to say and I have focused on the feelings of panic and fear. This is key though for me in every area of my life; reassuring myself that I am ok and safe whatever happens and allowing myself time to move through the panic so that I can process a bit more clearly. I hope your drive with your dad is nice 🙂

  331.  #331April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Many words on this blog are landing like a warm bird in the nest of my heart…
    this time from Lisa:

    “…He does sound supportive, engaged and nurturing…”

    baby bird soft in the nest..as it should be…all is well with nature on this soft rainy twilight evening….

  332.  #332Femininewoman on August 4, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    Re needing 2 years to grieve – I think that is crap. Why would I decide ahead of time that if a relationship fails I will need 2 years of dragging myself down with heavy energy and walking around half alive? Or should I say half dead? I choose to believe that I am the one who gets to choose.

  333.  #333Sophie on August 4, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Angel – I love your processing I felt smiley reading it it felt so natural and so easy to identify with

    “I like feeling safe. Feeling safe is a core need for me. I can feel safe by cherishing myself, I am me, I am beautiful, I deserve compassion and understanding. I can give that to myself. I can love my anxiety and worry because whatever happens I can feel safe in me. I am choosing to give this to myself because I deserve compassion just as much as everyone else.”

    Love this this is where I am with myself – loving myself even when I ‘do things wrong’ giving myself compassion cos don’t I just deserve it 🙂 I love your line about not loving your anxiety too ha ha yep its a b’tch but we can be compassionate with our anxiety – yay!

    April Rose – lovely soft rainy twilight evening – it does feel soft i was feeling that just now the rain is lightly tapping against the window and I have a candle burning – I do feel cherished by him for being me but i’m laughing at myself for noticing no text today ha ha I am choosing trust 🙂

  334.  #334Femininewoman on August 4, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    Re Carol Allen’s reports – I do believe they have some validity. I also do believe if we send our energy and beliefs into them we could stand in our own way. I believe they should be taken for what they are – information. I believe grace and faith can possible change things by ushering in miracles. I prefer to believe that miracles can happen so I can keep looking for them.

  335.  #335Nanceen on August 4, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    Hi everyone, I have been away from this blog for a long time. I see lots of new faces and some old friends. I have lots of good news but need advice. Anyone around?

  336.  #336Nanceen on August 4, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    Met this great, tender, smart, funny, sweet, guy, a lawyer, did all the rori stuff (THANKS RORI) everything went like a charm. He wants to marry me, just yesterday he took me to meet his mother and told her right in front of me “mom this is the girl I want to marry”. He has mowed my yard, gone to court for me, given me money for mortgage, loves my cats, written me over 400 emails, 30 love letters ( I am not exaggerating) and bought me a new cell phone. I feel so happy and comfortable with him, he tells me I am his best friend. He even set a date!! 6/6/14.

    Just one thing bugs me. And thinking of it in light of everything it seems so childish. But it needles me!!

  337.  #337April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    What is bugging you, Nanceen?

  338.  #338Nanceen on August 4, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    I feel so silly about this after typing it. But here it is. He is always making the comment about other women, usually “she’s hot”. He seems to expect me to agree and notice and relish the opinion. I am so angry, I dont give a flying f–ck about other women and think this is disrespectful and creeps me out. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just hugs me and says “oh come on, I love you, you are the best thing that every happened to me, I love you with all my heart, they mean nothing to me.” “you are the love of my life.” Then this afternoon I was starting to talk about a movie I saw and the male actor and he interrupted with “oh you think he is hot?” I was astounded and told him so. That is so damn dumb to me. In my book you dont tell your partner, so and so is hot and all. He would die if he knew what I thought about this 23 year old guy at work. I am 55. My fiancee is 58. I could roll in the hay with that tasty morsel in a heartbeat but I dont love him. He is just a good looking dude. Why do I feel filled with rage and insecurity at his comments? What is wrong with me?

  339.  #339April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    How long have you and he been dating? And when did the comments start?

  340.  #340Nanceen on August 4, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Been dating about six months, wants to marry 6/6/14 and comments started a few weeks ago. he does not think it is a big deal

  341.  #341Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    I just recorded a breast self-acceptance video. My breasts feel sad for lots of reasons …

  342.  #342April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    I’m goin to riff now, ladies, and then see if there are any words I can salvage for a script.

    I had an idea.., to turn everything he does (however neglectful or disconnecting) into something that’s “supportive, engaging or nurturing”

    Okay here goes – “I appreciate you giving me space” (translated from “I feel angry. I don’t want to be ignored”)

    “You’ve inspired me to discover a new life for myself” (“I don’t want to live with you any more.”)

    Sorry ladies, but I have to interrupt this exercise to have a rant.

    B*stard! I hardly come near you. And you act like I’m in your face any time I speak. Unless I’m standing there in just my undies handing you a cup of tea. And I won’t be doing that every five minutes, you w*nker.

    How DARE you feel overwhelmed by me or activated into your fear of engulfment? You don’t want to engage!!! Lazy f*cking sod. AAARRRGGGGHHHH I feel so humiliated, being here in this place, with you CONTROLLING ME WITH YOUR DISTANCE. F*CK YOU!!!

    “No more.” How many times have I said this to myself?
    I need to tell the truth to my inner girl. I’m sorry sweetheart, for keeping you in the presence of this man who has no regard for us or interest in our feelings.

    Ouch. Ouch Ouch. Shock after little electric shock to the heart. Ouch.

  343.  #343April Rose on August 4, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    I build self-esteem in increments, and then in my interactions with him my weakest points are triggered and my self-esteem drops again.

    Is there any value in living with someone who triggers all our tenderest places?
    Whatever happened to being gentle with a woman?

  344.  #344Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    “You’ve inspired me to discover a new life for myself”

    April Rose, I like this one … this feels true to me … all these men disappointments really have inspired me to find wholeness and happiness in myself.

  345.  #345Lisa on August 4, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    @Janie Baby

    {{{{hugs}}}} sending you lots of love! Imagine if the hole is being filled with love! Love for yourself…that helps me….. sending you warm loving feelings…


  346.  #346Zara on August 4, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    The Psychic Told Her She Was Cursed – Is That True?
    Rori Raye
    Saturday, 24 July 2010

    I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of psychic ability and psychics. I’ve taken sessions with lovely friends who are psychics, like Ann O’Brien and Lisbeth Kimbrough and Lorrie Kazan, and “channelers,” and “intuitives” and “sensitives” – and when they are women (and men) I love and feel good with and trust – I welcome their insights – as long as they do not even MENTION anything about or “in” the future.

    I do NOT believe that ANYTHING is predetermined. I believe that everything morphs (even that bacteria and cells in our body that we label “bad” at one moment can turn “good” in the next…and there’s science to back that one up…).

    I do believe that we are driven to repeat situations over and over until we learn what we need to learn from that situation, even from that pain, and that to interrupt those “patterns” takes the work of self-awareness and the willingness to move into the unknown: the “unknown” being everything that ISN’T in the patterns we’re so used to repeating and re-enacting.

    Here’s a letter from Maureen that lets me jump off a bit into this:

    “Hi Rori :

    Remember how I was telling you about that guy in France that has a girlfriend…?…well, she ended up calling me and telling me that she is his wife …drama. Which is not true (she’s not his wife) – in any case – too much drama so we ended our chats (me and man)..

    What amuses me is that I have been attracted to these men that I have to win somehow over someone or something somehow it hurts to see that I do that to myself. The thing is that I never win or never have won..and of course it leaves me feeling that I am not good enough…

    After I broke it of with the man Jim, the doctor I told you about who was married – I was devastated and felt lost so I went to a psychic that I have know for 20 years and of course what the cards showed was a broken heart and a women devastated and in pain..and she said that I had a curse from someone in Peru and that I had bad karma with men and bad luck and all of that it really hurt me and it brought me back to so many times when I have been told this when I was younger and very susceptible.

    Of course she offered prayers and stuff for which I would have to pay more money… I told her that I would pray myself… She also told me that I wouldn’t be able to get over Jim on my own, that I would need her help… And that I wouldn’t meet anyone else significant for another few month or years ..sounds dreadful…then of course I buy into this or feel like a victim of this.

    But of course when things like this happen I do feel cursed I do feel bad and wrong and maybe even self punish because I feel bad about wanting to take someone from someone else…Maybe I end up doing it to myself

    I don’t know why I do this and this happens over and over – or is all this propelling me to move forward and stop all this behavior that is so detrimental to me…? I ask God for help and guidance but it seems to come too late..or not soon enough. Help!

    Here’s my answer:

    Maureen – I have serious problems around psychics – (read my “Highway of Love” article).

    This psychic is SO wrong – no curse exists.

    My friend (she’s on my Commitment Blueprint program) Virginia Feingold Clark can help you with this – she’s a great relationship coach AND a hypnotherapist, so she can help you undo some of your programming that’s driving you to hurt and punish yourself. You can email her from her fabulous blog – ItsNeverTooLateToMarry.

    I send you to her not only because she’s a great coach, but because she has her own story about being gullible to psychics, etc. (it’s all in the book she’s writing – It’s Never Too Late to Marry, and I’ll be the first to let you know when it comes out…) – and so her story will resonate with you…

    Maureen – this is going to take work – on YOU, for YOU, with YOU, by YOU.

    Coaches and therapists can help you – but the work is YOURS to DO.

    There’s no way around you putting in the work to undo your old, useless patterns.

    AND – it’s not that HARD! It just takes baby-steps and the willingness to put one foot in front of the other in the easiest, most fun way possible.

    The baby-steps will get you out of the pattern – that’s all it is – a PATTERN – that you can BREAK…you’re just not getting there yet – but you WILL!!!!

    This is a major league thing you have to do for yourself – dabbling won’t do.

    You have to study spiritual stuff, you have to do the exercises, the breathing, the meditation – you have to work with someone who’ll help you get through your triggering.

    AND – you have to LOVE YOURSELF through it all! That’s what I’m here for for you…to see that what’s going on is you’re pushing through your old patterns!

    When you feel anxiety, and start to retreat to old behaviors, that’s your clue that you’re about to breakthrough to another level – that you’re about to peel away another layer of your “onion” – that you’re about to “lose” some props and defenses you’ve depended on most of your life.

    It’s a signal of real CHANGE.

    You are in transition, and what’s happening is that you’re fighting change, and that’s why you feel so bad – but….this is GOOD!!!!

    Just stay aware of how bad these kinds of men, and all this punishment you’re heaping on yourself – with your own self-blame, and by “hiring” men to beat you up emotionally – FEELS to you.

    As you get more aware, you’ll start to get rid of all these guys in your life EARLIER, and EASIER.

    You can do this to help you move more quickly – Circular Date JUST to try out new kinds of guys and lots of them, and you’ll see – it will get better…

    A “curse” – to me – is a “pattern” we are unable to see or feel unable to break.

    And what’s important to know is that the pattern was ours to create – even if the pain that triggered it (the first step in the pattern being the first coping skill we created – like lying or going numb or attacking and defending, or smiling and pretending to be okay, or deferring and apologizing and bowing and scraping, or pleading and begging) was triggered by someone else.

    It was US who developed that coping skill – a skill that was truly meant to PROTECT us – and turned it into this never-ending and self-dooming pattern that shows up like an armed guard even when we don’t NEED its protection.

    The time for that kind of “protection” is long past.

    That kind of protection only keeps us from LOVE. It closes down and covers up our hearts and makes us feel like we’ll be lost without it.

    It’s like a horrible, narcissistic mother who teaches you that you will not survive without her – and so you believe that.

    But not only will you survive WITHOUT that protection – you will THRIVE without it.

    Because that protection brings a horrible pain of it’s own. In order to “protect” you from the original pain you suffered – it stops you from having anything you truly do WANT.

    It smacks you down, punishes you, tells you you’re guilty of something (you’re not) and then makes you beat yourself up over ever little moment along the way.

    It designed the pattern, keeps it alive, applies it to you regularly and at the drop of a hat, and keeps you IN LINE.

    It SAYS it’s there to keep you “safe” – but what it really means is that it keeps you LOCKED DOWN.

    I want to unlock you.

    Unlocking doors that have been long shut in your mind, heart and body require fortitude. A bit of bravery. Willingness. And practice.

    Practice alone will undo and unwind and decimate these old patterns – and if you take it in baby-steps, you won’t feel so scared that you automatically stop yourself.

    But you WILL trigger the Nasty Voices inside you that speak from the “pattern” and want you to stay locked down. That want you to say “in line.”

    Just keep saying NO to the old and YES to the new.

    I totally, on top of the work you do for yourself, if you can manage it financially – suggest you invest in help – real coaches with real track records – and commit to doing the Tools and loving yourself 24/7!!!

    Are you game!?

    Love, Rori

  347.  #347Dominique on August 4, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    Nanceen – How about having a heart to heart with him? Not just mentioning it, a true heart to heart. – eg. Hearing about other women makes me feel sad/upset/insecure/less than/some other adjective. I don’t want to feel this way with you. What can we do here? xxoo

  348.  #348miranda faith on August 4, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    What a difference a day can make, woke up this morning and realized that all this time I have been looking for some explanation for feeling like I lost my best friend, and I come to a river of opportunity being channled here to this spot.. with all of you here. Sometimes it helps to read the tommyknockers too. 🙂 now I still feel good knowing that it’s not a frightening thing when the face turns a little more each day, till u come full circle and are staring it in the eyes. That’s when u make it or break it. It’s really a peaceful feeling when u consider the benefits of EFT or no it isn’t ” cause it is. Lol:)
    Thanks for healing with my moods everyone and thanks for your spiritual trans. I am feeling a change in the room… crispy..

    Side note. T h a t word Zoonanny wsn’t a typo and I’m sorry I misrepresented my words when I said it was. And for the late reply to you question, which I believe I the comment was made to rose. Anyway the word was a nik name I called my ex from a relationship before my daughter was born. I learned not to”very well I might add” not to upset the peaceful flow of the ice watery quiet whistling t.v. time that they had become soo accustomed to..

  349.  #349Zara on August 4, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    The high way of love
    By Rori Raye
    Sunday 4 January 2009

    Oh, my – it’s all getting away from me. Holidays, and now I’m jamming to get ready for the filming of my newest program around Circular Dating – I still don’t have a title for the program – but it’s all around being a “Diva” and so I’m renaming Circular Dating (and expanding what it’s all about) to “Diva Dating.”

    (Perhaps you’re planning to come to the filming, and I’ll get to meet you and work with you onstage.)

    Hope your holidays were brilliant and – even if they were disappointing in some ways – I know we’re going to tease out the lessons and the diamonds in your experiences.

    I’ve wanted to reprint this article I wrote some time ago – it’s always been one of my favorites – called “Highway of Love” – and so here it is:

    I’m stuck again. Not sick, not tired, just going backwards in my mind.

    A psychic practitioner stopped me at the end of a party yesterday, and told me I was about to have a detour. Today. I don’t quite remember the exact words she used, but it was something along the lines of “Right now you’re going down the 405, and you’re about to take a detour, and then you’ll have to decide what you want to do with your life.”

    And then she disappeared.

    Okay. So one part of me sees only possibilities in that scenario -Wow, choices, new things, new roads, new…. And then another part -Gremlin Voice soaked for sure -screams Other shoe dropping! Any minute now! Watch out for falling shoes! And I look around me, furtively, searching each car that passes by, each person who passes by, each word that passes by, for a clue. For a sign. For impending disaster.

    I have three choices. One, I can call up this practitioner and ask for clarification. But, I realize, nothing she says will change the fact that I must make one of the other two choices.

    => Two, I can wallow in fear and try to be very careful and watchful and vigilant, analyze everything that shows up in my life at every minute, and forget I’m actually alive and living.

    => Three, I can choose the choice of possibilities. I can – regardless of what the psychic has seen or knows, regardless of what she says or what she thinks, or even more profoundly, regardless of what I think -see every car that passes by, every person who passes by, each word that passes by as a “detour” into a new possibility.

    And, if I make choice Number Three, I’d better know what I’m getting myself into -this new possibility might lead to another detour, to another possibility, to another, and another, where the choices are endless.

    Am I more afraid of being stuck or of getting lost?

    Is it that I’m really so certain I can’t choose right every time, or does it really matter if I choose right every time?

    Lots of questions, and sometimes the answer is “I don’t know,” or “None of the Above.” So how do I know what to do and where to go and what to think? And how do I stop; my mind from racing to fear instead of flowing to possibilities?

    Well, first off, just because I investigate another road doesn’t mean I’ve left the Highway of Love. In fact, what if I’m not even on it at all!

    What if, even though I think I’ve been on the Highway of Love all this time, I’m really only on a side road? What if I’m not even on a road? What if I’ve been going in circles?

    So, what if I want to continue down this so-called detour of a new possibility? What then? What if the detour leads to a bigger Highway? What if I’ve been on the Highway of Where I’ve Always Been and What I’ve Always Done, and the detour will lead me smack to the Highway of Love?

    Well, how’s this for a job description: Adventurer!

    Lots of men and women are making thrilling, actual lives out there being Indiana Jones -finding lost civilizations, solving ancient riddles, leading teams through the jungles of the world.

    Everyone has a different tolerance for risk and a different idea of what’s in the pot of gold at the end of the Quest, and some of us quake at even the thought of stepping a foot into the unknown.

    So many of us are traveling up and down a dead end wash we call “love” in the middle of something we only know of as “familiarity.”

    Sometimes we ride it in souped-up all-terrain vehicles, and sometimes we crawl along it, but we hardly ever fly over it, and actually see, with our own eyes, that it’s been a dead-end all along.

    So, what if the Highway of Love is truly a super-highway leading to…who knows where?

    And, what if it’s really not all that hard to navigate? What if the only problem with it is it’s just not a dead-end wash? What if the only hard thing about it is it’s not “familiar”?

    So I bless the psychic. Not for giving me a clue to what’s next, but for giving me a clue to my fear. Perhaps the 405 isn’t all there is.

    Now I have to deal with myself. If I’m so afraid of detours, how will I handle the Highway of Love when I’m on it? Will I run back to my dead-end? Will I swear off detours? Will I swear off possibilities? Will I choose “Familiar” over “Better”?

    Will I choose “Safely Stuck” over “Scary What I Really Want”?

    Will I stay in worry and doubt and fear and not leave my house, or will I move out and about with abandon? Will I keep my eyes open for danger, or will I allow in possibilities?

    The choice is mine. The choice is yours.

    Try this way of choosing:

    When you find yourself stuck, or afraid, ask yourself what road you’re on.

    You may answer – I’m in love! I couldn’t be happier! Or I’m safe and fine, I don’t need a relationship, I don’t need someone else to love me, I love myself just plenty. Or I don’t have time for all this. I’m busy, I’m tooling down my road just fine, and, Rori, what do you know about it anyway?

    Okay, so you know what’s up. You’ve made your choice, and it feels good, and here you are, and you’re right – you don’t need me.

    And if you answer I’m tired of the same-old-same-old. I’m tired of the souped-up cars and the dry runs and the circles, then, maybe, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain by choosing “Better” and “Scary What I Really Want,” than “Safe” and “Familiar.”

    So, put on your new hat. The one marked “Adventurer!”

    Imagine that your emotions, your instincts, your heart rhythms, are a beautiful, powerful Horse you can ride across the landscape of your life. Your Horse knows the way, clean and clear, to where you want to go. And if you should ever steer it wrong, it knows the way back.

    Now, sit your Horse tall and proud. You are about to let the whole world see you shake from fear, thrill from excitement, breathe hard from anticipation, tense up from the knot in your throat and shimmer from the hope in your eyes.

    You are about to let go. The Horse of your emotions, your instincts, your connection to life, your heart, is feeling feisty. You’re about to let your Horse run free.

    Imagine doing it. Imagine tolerating the fear, the excitement, the heavy breathing, the tension, the shimmer. Imagine riding the Horse somewhere new and feeling everything you’re feeling.

    Believe that anytime you want, you can stop. Yes, you can stop. You can say No, turn back, go forward, take a rest. You can. You can say No when it doesn’t feel right, and you can say Yes when it feels right.

    Sometimes it can feel right, but it’s just a little (okay, a lot) scary. Don’t let that stop you! Fear feels way different when you’re out there riding the Horse than it does when you’re stuck stock still. Fear is many things, and it wears many faces, and we build all kinds of defenses on top of it to pretend it isn’t there or hide it away, or fight it.

    If you don’t believe Adventurers feel fear, you’ve been sitting in the safe dead-end too long. Fear is part of the Highway of Love. Bring yours along with you for the ride. Soon, it’ll get tired and old, and you’ll be too busy having fun to even notice if it’s there or not.

    So, wear your Adventurer hat (yes, you have one!), take along all your baggage, and imagine the exhilaration of having what you want.

    Then, kiss your Horse, and let it take you somewhere new – to the Highway of Love.

    Love, Rori


    This is one of my favorites because I can REMEMBER how I was feeling when I wrote it – I was swept up in the possibilities, I was feeling adventurous, I was working my way out of the bad feeling I got the moment the psychic spoke to me.

    It’s so easy to get “bummed out.” And it seems easiest to “distract” ourselves from the feeling. But that’s just not the cure.

    The cure for bad feelings is to live in them a bit. Just enough to taste them fully.

    And then you get on your Horse and ride…and you’re FREER than you were before.

    Hope this inspires you the way it did me as I wrote it…

  350.  #350Lisa on August 4, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    I’m open to the idea that futures can be per-determined to an extent…not to say that they are… and not to say that they aren’t.. For me ( speaking from my own experience) there is no proof either way… I can always as It is true? I can look at it both ways… (everyone has their own belief system)
    I can’t know that.. all I have is now! I get that… it’s God’s business…in my life… I just have to show up… ( just my thoughts)

    I’m feeling sad again, tears are coming… I suspected they would, the more I go out and do things… and out of my cocoon…

    “L” called me several times today… that felt good… wow such ease… He doesn’t dominate the conversation, he said pardon me, if he interrupts, and allows me to finish what I’m saying… it is so NICE to have a reciprocate talk…

    though I don’t know what he means by “don’t be a stranger” but my response was “you either” “I’m glad you called”

    so 4hrs away… Lisa don’t get attached to any ideas… can’t happen… you haven’t met in person yet…. it’s nothing until then…

    meanwhile I’m still grieving.. some…

    and yet I’d like to throw the idea out there that some people might take 2 years to grieve, and yet others not… but I agree that it is up to me… to move through it… and yet also know that I can’t rush it… it’s a process… and yet grieving doesn’t stop me from getting back out there… and moving forward… but that is just me… everyone has their own process….

    In my experience Futures can change the moment I change… and that feels better to me… to have that capability…



  351.  #351Zia on August 4, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    I had a really nice chat on the phone with the fella who reappeared the day after i cleared space in my house to let a man in my life… it was such a great convo! So many similar interests, and he lives only a few suburbs away from me. If he asks me out on a date I’ll definitely go… I’m still working on myself so haven’t gotten back to online dating yet, have a couple more weeks of my 40 day journey and then I’ll get back into dating 🙂

    But I feel smiley and happy. I also feel good because even though I am interested in him, I’m still doing what I was doing before and not focusing on him more than I need to.

  352.  #352Syreena on August 4, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    April Rose, I understand that you want to lash out at me. I feel in agreement re picker being off

    That is why most of us are here. Our pickers are off because we have love and abuse combined because of abuse in our familes. Some more so than others, and we are all here to get our pickers corrected and heal and pick love. To heal change our vibration, get some boundaries and say no to abuse or pain.

    We are vulnerable targets for abuse hopefully on our journeys to become survivors and no longer targets.
    Like I said I feel some people out there men and women will take advantage of that vulnerability and be out to make money from it. And Astrology is one of these areas.

    If you want to lash out at me for feeling cynical about astrology then I hear that and understand.
    We disagree on astrology.
    I feel sad and that vulnerable people are being taken advantage of.

    If it sooths you and makes you want to part with your money then this is what you want. I just wanted to voice how I felt about it.

    Rori on the other hand is qualified and trained therapist and has tools to help us heal and get our pickers choosing love without abuse.

  353.  #353Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    I feel skeptical about astrology too … I’ve experienced way more powerful intuitive readings without astrology … and I find my own intuition is much more powerful than astrology. Most readings I’ve seen are more confusing than helpful.

    What we perceive though comes from our belief system. For me, astrology has always been too vague to be helpful and often just outright inaccurate. Though if it helps us see something we weren’t seeing before, I suppose anything can be helpful.

  354.  #354Nanceen on August 4, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    Astrology has nothing to do with you. Numerology, Chinese stuff….whatever….You need to stop listening to it. It is not real. It is hard to do, you have to wean yourself off, because we want answers and it feels very, very scary that there is an answer and we dont know what it is yet. You have to let the real answer arrive because good or bad you were made to handle it successfully. I used to be into all that stuff and it was hard to let go but once I let it go, I realized I had more control than I thought.

    Someone begged to do a chart for me once…I refused but flippantly gave them my sisters birthday…they did the chart…predicted this…said this happened…only thing was she died in 1999.

    Note to Dominique: I did talk that way but he seems puzzled, he keeps saying but you are so beautiful, I love you so much, you are the one, why would that bother you?. For now I think I have to just accept it as something somewhat harmless and juvenile on his part. If I keep bringing it up, it is going to drive him away…I have so much good stuff going on with him and him talking constantly about a life with me, I have to take the good stuff and be content with that. Once time Rori mentioned (Rori hope I got this story right!! Correct me if I am wrong!!) her husband went on a business trip and did not call her for three days, she was FLOORED but the reality was it simply never occurred to him that she needed that, he was not being a bad guy, it was just like he did not know she wanted him to do that. So I am kind of looking at it that way. As always, comments and support welcomed. I am thankful though, he is good to me and has set a wedding date.

  355.  #355miranda faith on August 4, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    so, I’m really mad because my Phone is broke . It has just froze up.that’s ok. I will get it fixed if I can. Wonderful people, I’m just going to watch the sun go down breathe and see if there are Any connections. Maybe I will tweet a little with my name on 2 ‘ check back in if I can

  356.  #356Syreena on August 4, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    It isn’t any of our faults our pickers are off.

    We were not aware of it. Now we are and we are all just doing our best to overide our faulty pickers and take responsibilty for healing and correcting them.

    One way of knowing is instant chemistry.
    If we feel instant chemistry, that is a bad thing for us. It will lead us to heartache and pain.

  357.  #357Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    I’m not willing to buy the belief that instant chemistry = heartache and pain.

    I’m not dating a guy I don’t feel it for right away … Every time I’ve done that it has been a mistake … I won’t “buy” safety with boredom or lack of growth … My practice is the past few years learning how to set boundaries so now when he shows up I know what to do …

  358.  #358Lisa on August 4, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    “L” just texted me and said “I like you 🙂 ”

    awww …

    Ok but Is it ok to text back and say “I like you too”? or better to say “I feel happy to hear that”???

  359.  #359Lisa on August 4, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    For me I’ve had both types of chemistry…( in my experience)

    the kind that most people describe as “chemistry” is the one that is like heroin….. the kind where you can’t get them off your mind.. and you crave them… etc.. like a drug

    then there is the kind where there is something that you know will build… but it doesn’t have that PULL you in to it that drags you in and is like a tornado… and takes over…

    the first one is the kind I run from… it’s bad news…for me anyways… it the karmic, repeat pattern, I’ll regret this later one…

    the second one.. feel safe, and builds… and feels like fresh air….

    Just my experience…

    Gina Lake writes a lot on the subject of Chemistry…. good book…


  360.  #360Shanta on August 4, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Hello Everyone,
    I want to start by once again thanking Rori for the wonderful work that she does. I have the ebook and I am enjoying it.

    Also a special thanks to Dominque for giving me personal advice and offering to help me whenever I need it.

    Dominique I wanted to give an update on how things are going for me! I’m so happy!!!!
    I took your advice about online dating and I am glad I did. My job doesn’t allow me the time I need to get out and meet people but online dating did. Things are going great! I feel like the confident wonderful me from years ago but with more knowledge! I have gone on a few dates with different guys. I have a couple that I’m really interested in. I’ve had a few that made me feel rushed, pressured, and controlled and I quickly and easily tossed them into the wind. There is one guy I really liked that has not contacted me by phone in over a week, but he has viewed my online profile. I’m not sure what to make of that. He said he was shy and has lost many friends and acquaintances because he forgets to call them back and loses contact for a while because he stays busy with work. I’m disappointed because I felt strongly attracted to him but oh well. Moving on!
    Also, I have not contacted the fireman. I realized my worth, and I feel that I can do better. I dont feel that i should wait on anyone regardless of our history together. I have known all along that he didn’t deserve me but I wanted US to be together.
    Now here is where I’m stuck and I could use your help. I have never felt such a strong sexual attraction to anyone in my life. I don’t know what it is about this guy. He’s not what I consider “my type” He’s older than anyone I’ve ever dated. I’m 31 and he’s 42, although he doesn’t look his age.
    Anyway my question is how do I set boundaries with him? I don’t want to be in a relationship. I am enjoying the experience of circular dating and learning more about me and how I’m feeling. He told me today that he thinks about me constantly and he’s not sure what it is but there’s something attractive and animalistic about me. (IDK what that means exactly) He said he can’t control himself around me everything I do turns him on and makes him want me even more. that’s how I feel about him. But I have only slept with a man once that i wasn’t in a relationship with. And It didn’t end the way I had hoped. I’m not ready for a relationship, but I want him and I’m not sure how to handle it. I don’t want him to think that I sleep with every guy I meet online.
    What if I have a strong sexual attraction to another guy? Do I sleep with him too? How would that make me feel/look? Do I not sleep with any of them and just go on dates? What do I say to him?
    Thanks in advance and I hope to hear from you soon!

  361.  #361Lisa on August 4, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    I have this on my daughter’s room.. we both love it and try to live by it…

    i think it really helps me with dating…

    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. ~Dr. Seuss

    I think it goes along with what Rori says… you can’t make a mistake with the right man..


  362.  #362Dominique on August 4, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Nanceen – 353 – If you already spoke to him in this way, and if this is NOT a deal breaker, then there is some healing to be done for you here, for example, he can appreciate other women and still only have eyes for you.

    The more you can let this go and accept this in him even if nothing ever changes, the more likely it is that this will change. But it won’t matter because you love him and accept him with or without this.


  363.  #363Dominique on August 4, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    I agree with Erika here; instant chemistry doesn’t necessarily mean anything other than there is chemistry.

    It CAN tend to cloud our judgment ignoring or denying red flags which will likely lead to pain and heartache, YET it could just as well turn out to be something which feels wonderful.


  364.  #364Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    I use another metaphor to my business because these metaphors are really helping me. I’m starting to see how powerful I really am.

    A number of times people have approached me in my business wanting to get sessions or products for “free” or saying they “can’t afford” it or talking big about what they want to offer me, etc etc etc.

    This is just like men suitors showing up and offering whatever it is they offer. I am not just a passive helpless person in these situations. Yes, some of them are going to drop away as soon as I set a boundary. Quite a few of them, however, have totally stepped up to the plate when I started setting boundaries. Some of those became my ultra-long term clients and one is my top affiliate right now.

    Chemistry – which for me is not “bad,” it’s that energy between me and a guy and I don’t see any point of having a relationship without it – can show up on my doorstep, and I can give all my power away as I’ve sometimes done in the past. Or I can do what I do in my business. Well, this could be something good … let me put my boundaries out there and see what happens.

    The key is never stepping out of the frame of “is this working for me, and if I allow this, will it continue working for me throughout this agreement?” I’ve had people want my stuff for free, want to trade for things I don’t want or need, make flimsy promises about what they’ll do for me “in the future” “if it works for them” … and to all of that I say “no” … because looking at my life holistically, it doesn’t work and it’s going to end up with me feeling yucky. I don’t get intoxicated by the prospect of “maybe” or the fantasy of big ungrounded dreams. In fact, I don’t listen much to talk at all. I watch what people do when I set boundaries.

    I stay grounded and present and I make sober, win/win decisions. I don’t see why it wouldn’t work to do the exact same thing with any man with whom I feel chemistry. It will work. It’s tried and true. It has worked hundreds and hundreds of times now … it has built amazing relationships. It works. This feels empowering. Thanks btw for letting me step through this here out loud … it feels good to give voice to what have been kind of vague thoughts and feelings about the similarities between the two …

  365.  #365Dominique on August 4, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    Shanta – 359 – How lovely hearing from you again. Thank you so much for what your lovely sentiments. 🙂

    As for this man, for now these are all simply words at this point. And without the action to back them up, they don’t mean very much.

    I can’t tell you whether to sleep with him or not. Only you can make this determination. If you want to and can do so without becoming attached and hung up on him, then go for it.

    Most likely you won’t be able to do this. Most women find themselves hormonally attached after sex.

    So you set your boundaries by doing just that. Tell him you want to get to know him better. That you don’t want to have sex so soon. That you don’t want to have sex until you are in a committed and exclusive relationship. And right now, this is NOT what you are looking for. You are exploring yourself as well as exploring your options and not wanting to have sex OR commit at this time.

    He can think whatever he likes, and you really can’t control this, so how about letting it go. 🙂


  366.  #366Dominique on August 4, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    Erika – 363 – Yes absolutely. You get to choose every step of the way.


  367.  #367Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    I made a decision long ago in my business that I do not want to spend even one single minute “chasing” money … meaning, having people owe me for something I already provided. I personally pay all my bills on time and in my universe it is extremely disrespectful to break financial promises … just not something I am willing to live with … and this works beautifully. I never provide the last session until all payments have been made. I don’t “chase” money. Ever. Full stop.

    In light of all my experiences with men, I won’t be having sex again until every single thing I want in a relationship has been agreed on in a grounded, certain, I-can-count-on-it-completely way … Having these rock solid boundaries has given me enormous amount of peace in my business. And I feel confident it’ll give me the same peace in the rest of my life.

  368.  #368Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    And I declare today, with all of you as my witnesses, that I will never again spend even one single minute “chasing” a man … 🙂

  369.  #369Zia on August 4, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    Lisa 357 – in my opinion it’s perfectly fine to say “i like you too”… he gave, and you’re giving back 🙂

  370.  #370Tereana on August 4, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    Erika – That sounds super inspiring!

  371.  #371Veronica on August 4, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    Erika – 305 – I don’t know if I’m reading your situation correctly. As I see it he is being unethical. In the quote below, if you replace the word ‘healer’ with ‘teacher/boss/co-worker’ and ‘Reiki’ with the matching appropriate noun, it would sound like sexual harassment or harassment. A lecturer from my university was just fired for behaving this way with students.

    “OMG, I felt so disgusted. That was the last time I was willing to receive Reiki from him. Horrible boundaries as a healer. I had already told him I was not interested, and I told him again after that text message, rather bluntly. Yet he still later sent the “what took you so long?” email. Blech. I feel vomity just thinking about it …”

    I detest it when people do that and with men it feels like a perversion of what leading is supposed to be – how can he lead if he doesn’t even know what the person he claims to lead needs? Erika, I feel relieved that you got out of that situation. I also wonder if there is a way to lay a complaint against him.

  372.  #372Shanta on August 4, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    Dominique -364
    I was unsure if there was a rule regarding sleeping with someone you’re sexually attracted to but don’t want to be with. He texts me before work every morning, calls before bed, calls or texts on his lunch. He offers to come see me, etc. He asked me to call him Friday but I fell asleep & he didn’t contact me that day. The next day he texted me good morning and I replied good morning. He then said “whats wrong? Did i go from sugar to sh*t overnight?” he wanted to spend this past weekend with me but I told him I had plans with my kids already. I have only known him a little over a month. Today he talked about a relationship, and how when he’s with me it feels right and he asked what did I think. I told him i don’t want a committed relationship right now. I wanted to embrace being single for a while. He said he understands that and he’s not going anywhere.

    I didnt tell him but I don’t feel like I could be in a relationship with him! I only feel attracted to him sexually. I have never only felt a sexual attraction to someone. Will he grow on me? IDK! I don’t mind watching movies and going out to eat with him. I don’t want a relationship. I just don’t want that. I want to see other people. I want to keep my options open. I want this freedom that I’m feeling. I am enjoying it. If I had wings I would fly! That’s how free and alive I feel right now.

  373.  #373blue rose on August 4, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    These last 2 posts of Rori’s have been amazing.

    Sirens I have another issue:

    I met a really nice guy when I was out with my friends. The problem is I was really drunk.

    I was drunk and so I didn’t care and I didn’t worry about how do I look, am I saying the wrong thing, what is he thinking. None of that went through my head because I was drunk.

    He liked the drunk me. He knows I was drunk, and I remember him saying he liked meeting me drunk.

    My friends could tell he liked me, he was hanging around me a lot. I was tooooo drunk to really notice.

    I do remember being fun – I was told I’m a fun drunk. I was laughing, and yelling, and not the least bit self conscious.

    At the end of the night before my friends took me home, he was asking me if I’d be okay. I also told him that I’m very straight laced when I’m sober. In my imagination I was an adorable drunk girl saying that. I am glad I don’t know how I really came across – let the fantasy live!

    The next day he friended me on facebook, wrote me a nice message asking “please tell me you remember our conversation”.

    I wrote back, and he wrote again. And he commented on my wall posts.

    I guess I’m just really worried I’m going to mess this up with sober, self conscious me. I don’t plan on being drunk every time I meet him – that’s nuts. But I’m sad and worried that he won’t like the regular me.

    I don’t know when I’ll see him again. He joined the meet up group I’m in (we have similar interests) – they were the friends I was out with.

    I am worried I will be pretending the next time I see him. Pretending to be self confident. Or I will be overly self conscious. 🙁 Any thoughts?

  374.  #374Erika Awakening on August 4, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    Hi Veronica,

    Thanks for the support. I don’t feel any need to file anything. I’m just learning from the experience.

    I believe we create everything in our life. Now that I’ve vented so much frustration, I am starting to see the value of this experience for getting me ready for when the right guy shows up. It was practice, good practice.

    As for how horrific it all turned out … honestly before I met him in person, he came across really well on FB and so forth. I did already see a couple of red flags but I thought it was stuff I could work with. Then I met him in person, and my heart sank. If I’d met him in person first, it never would have got off the ground.

    Then, and all this observing of myself was really helpful … I was still “trying” to give him a chance even though my intuition said NO.

    In a way, the extremity of what went wrong after that I think was my way of creating a situation that was so black and white that I would get out of it immediately. I already knew he was not my guy, yet he was so “nice” that if it weren’t extreme I might have been tempted to waste months or whatever trying to make something work that wasn’t meant to be.

    So that’s how I’m seeing it now. In a way, thank goodness it was so extreme because I got out of the relationship, even the friendship, quickly after that. And I learned so much about how to handle things going forward …

    I feel like I am finally truly ready to have good boundaries even when “maximum chemistry perfect for me” guy shows up … and in part that’s due to this experience.

  375.  #375LoveAlways on August 4, 2013 at 11:51 pm

    It’s raining men

  376.  #376Veronica on August 5, 2013 at 12:24 am

    Erika – 374- I hope I get to see my experience as practice too. And to grow from it – I feel like I’m learning from you – thank you.

    Some people do have a good online presence and an awful offline one.

    Oh gosh I did that too- give a nice guy a chance even though there were red flags. Ugh. I knew BM wouldn’t even be around if I stuck with my beliefs around relationships. After 10 years of having those beliefs and not even a serious relationship come of that, my confidence in those beliefs just shrank. Later BM said I should have followed my beliefs – I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he probably wouldn’t be able to handle it. I should have just treasured and stood by those beliefs instead. One more lesson to learn.

    I do like reading about your processing and I think there is so much value in the idea of not having anyone in your life unless they support you.

  377.  #377Emerson on August 5, 2013 at 12:34 am

    Ah I think natureCD is gone…. I feel sad…
    The attention and doting was addicting …
    I’ve put myself on a strict budget so I’m coping with it without spending money ….
    It’s been hard lol

  378.  #378Vi on August 5, 2013 at 12:44 am

    I think I haven’t let go of the most important expectation around MH – that he’ll change if I change.. it feels like a dark spot in my back.. I can breathe through this dark spot…

  379.  #379Vi on August 5, 2013 at 12:54 am

    Now I feel waves of fear thinking he might change.. I love my fear… I feel unsafe.. My thoughts are in the future.. Okay.. Back to present 🙂

  380.  #380miranda faith on August 5, 2013 at 1:53 am

    Sorry I didn’t say goodnight. Everyone. Just a bathroom break and back to bed. I have a lot I want to say in the a.m. if there are Any t that would like to delve poo lease bring your lunch…

  381.  #381April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 2:07 am

    I feel my mind wavering, frightened in the face of all these opinions and different styles of communicating. Unsure how to respond to anyone without causing backlash.

    Going to revisit Modern Siren and get back on track with my own good-feeling style of communication.

  382.  #382April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 2:08 am

    Thank you Zara for posting Rori’s words here.

    I miss your own words.

  383.  #383Zia on August 5, 2013 at 2:29 am

    blue rose – just be yourself. if he likes it, great! if he doesn’t, you don’t want someone who only wants you for something you aren’t 🙂 xo

  384.  #384Indigo on August 5, 2013 at 3:28 am


    If it were me, and I had already expressed how I felt, I would gently leave the room any time he made a comment like that, without saying anything. Just remove myself, and go and do something else. Every guy I’ve ever been with who has loved me has got the hint from this – that I have certain things I will be around, and certain things I will not.

  385.  #385Indigo on August 5, 2013 at 3:36 am

    Janie baby,

    I feel your sadness, because I remember all too well feeling like this myself.

    I love the advice Sophie has given you.

    I know for a fact you can turn these feelings around, and in so doing, probably invite him to come closer. Because it is my very strong suspicion that he senses all this anxiety and sad and needy energy in you, and it probably feels like pressure to him and him feeling like he is failing you. If my experiences with guys are anything to go by, then this is probably how he feels. Guys tend to be more drawn to you if they feel they can make you happy, not when what they are doing is not good enough. It’s a sad truth, and a frustrating one at first, yet I really believe the turn-around to all of this is in you and how you feel.

    Sophie is quite right, changing those feelings into better feeling ones means sinking into them, feeling how scary they are, then searching for ways to soothe yourself. It gets easier. Also, please look EVERYWHERE for things that make you happy and fulfill you, and dive into them and relish them.

  386.  #386Indigo on August 5, 2013 at 3:42 am

    Erika 357

    I also don’t buy the belief that instant chemistry=heartache and pain.

    What is chemistry anyway?

    For some it can be lust, for others excitement, for some it can just be that deep down knowing or comfort. For some it may be something destructive. I don’t think any of these things mean anything in an of themselves other than what they are.

  387.  #387April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 4:03 am


    I feel dazed.
    I so much want to feel you.
    I enjoyed it when we were talking about cuddles and how they feel.
    I feel frightened when I hear what I perceive as a rant about abuse, when I haven’t even mentioned the word abuse.
    This word seems key, for you.

    Please if anyone notices a word I keep using, please let me know and i will endeavour to sink into it and through it and unravel it and liberate myself in babysteps.

  388.  #388Dominique on August 5, 2013 at 5:05 am

    Shanta – 372 – This is so very new. You don’t have to make a choice right now unless you want to. How about trying to enjoy whatever this is. You can say no or say yes anytime along the way.


  389.  #389Jessie1000 on August 5, 2013 at 6:12 am

    One thing that doesnt seem logical to me about this thread is how do you entice a man with safety and love and affection or catnip if you walk out as soon as he leaves and date other people? Just because you tell him about it and dont cheat? I dont understand….how can you be in a relationship where the “cat” is safe if ur ass is dating other people and probably kissing or hanging out in other mens laps lol
    MY logic is very faulty, can someone explain this? It seems like 2 messages but one isnt making sense

  390.  #390Femininewoman on August 5, 2013 at 6:21 am

    Jessie1000 – for me, logic here is not even important. What is important is experimenting, paying attention to what is happening and the clues coming from the man.

  391.  #391Emerson on August 5, 2013 at 6:32 am

    Luzydel what you’re describing with captain cd is interesting… You opened your heart and were open to something different, not a bad thing…sorry how things turned out but it’s his loss…

  392.  #392Emerson on August 5, 2013 at 6:35 am


  393.  #393Alhakale on August 5, 2013 at 6:44 am

    What do you say when you think you know the man you are seeing is hung up on the mother of his child?

    He says he hates her and does not want to be with her, yet he angrily confronted her in a store with her new boyfiend. I feel his anger and tension when he talks about her. I feel like I may be a second choice.

    What do I do?

  394.  #394Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 8:18 am

    April Rose I hear you feel dazed.
    In what way?
    I feel suprised that your perception is that I am ranting.
    Although can understand why it might come across like that to you online. As there is no eye contact, or body language for you to see. And no vibe for you to feel off me behind a screen to see I am not angry but sad. So no ranting here.
    So I am not suprised that you would feel frightened if you perceived my words as an angry rant.

    As I have felt calm and feel no anger when I have expressed my feelings and thoughts with you and others about astrology, the reason why we are here on the blog and most people who are here having their pickers of chemistry meters off.

    Obviously those who are now in happy healthy loving realtionships are no longer in that category and are either in tranistional stage or have learned to overide their pickers and choose something more loving and healthy for themselves.

    I feel confused why me using the word abuse in a clam way is perceived as a rant. Unless as like I said it is to do with you not being able to see my body mannersims, see my eyes, hear my tone of voice and feel my real vibe in my real presence.

    Anyone who has faulty chemitry or picker and is choosing to stay in a realtionship that feels painful to them has obviously come from a family of origan where the same thing was occuring. And has love and pain combined.
    Do you not think this means you and us were either physically or emotionally abused in some way?

    I am not here to argue or convince you and don’t want to, so if you think or feel differntly about that.
    I feel able to agree to disagree with you.

    I was wanting to express how it made me feel sad and express how I felt concern for vulnerable women being targets for being taken advantage of by men and women seeing an opportunity and wanting to make money out of women who are vulnerable to this.

    Are you sure the anger is not your anger? As you stated you wanted to lash out?
    I do not want to lash out at you.
    I feel no anger I feel sad.

  395.  #395Lisa on August 5, 2013 at 8:24 am

    @Zia Thanks! I did.. 🙂

  396.  #396Alhakale on August 5, 2013 at 8:36 am

    I feel concerned and afraid that he would be with his ex if she would. How do I express that? When he can sense my fear and worry, how do I say why I’m afraid and worried?

  397.  #397Alhakale on August 5, 2013 at 8:47 am

    He tells me he wants to grow old with me. Ke tells me he wants to marry me. He tells me he loves me more than anything. As soon as she texts or calls I feel his whole body and mind change.

    He tells me he does not care anymore about his ex but he angrily confronted her in a store with her new boyfriend. He talks about how he hates her. A LOT.

    Do I leave him alone? I can feel he has not let go of her. What do I do? I feel so confused and foolish.

  398.  #398Jessie1000 on August 5, 2013 at 9:05 am

    Experimenting how? Tell a man flat out that your going to see other people means its over. NO MAN will ever chase a woman who is sleeping with other men. I just dont see how you can be full of cat nip and keep seeing other people and doing whatever you like. I think you should just come out and say it….Just dump all men who start to withdraw and see a ton of them so you dont notice that you are single. I guess that is it eh? Cause the girls that I see that run all over with tons of men just get reputations….I live in a small town not a big city and here there is no way on earth you could see more than one man and not be labelled a prostitute and not in a kind or nice feminist way ….sorry …Im not getting what is being said here…I need more clarification
    anyone got any help for me???

  399.  #399Sophie on August 5, 2013 at 9:06 am

    Syreena _ I hear you are coming from a loving place but I feel uncomfortable being categorised in anyway – I would not categorise myself as someone with a faulty picker or choose to identify myself as a victim of abuse regardless of my history – I am just me and I enjoy sharing my growth with other women who are doing the same – there are many ways of seeing things and as this blog so beautifully demonstrates we are all different – maybe you feel like that you have a faulty picker and have felt abused? I think that’s what april rose was asking – whether you’d like to share your feelings about that with us? where your sadness comes from? I don’t want to offend anyone in anyway but it does feel safer when we share from our own personal feelings than when we focus on opinions as though they were absolute truths

  400.  #400Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 9:09 am

  401.  #401Lisa on August 5, 2013 at 9:16 am

    Love this! and it is so true for me! Ditching the ones that can’t give real intimacy, real live love and is distant and isn’t in to you! I did and feel better for it… confused and distant… didn’t feel good to me!

    I’m happy to say bad boys do nothing for me, neither do the porn addicted or the hard to get. shew! I’ve grown so much in 2 years…

    what turns me ON now is a man that wants me! desires me and is into me ( not into himself)… and is pursuing me…..and can commit long term..

    “When we start ditching these other kinds of men who aren’t interested in real live love – they will wake up.

    When they can’t get sex with real live women, they’ll get tired of cyber ones and photos. Or – we’ll begin to elevate the men we haven’t given a chance to hero status, and there will be a whole new model for what love and relationship look like.

    For now – look for the unconventional man:

    Ditch the bad boys.
    Ditch the hard-to-get.
    Ditch the distant, the unavailable, the porn-addicted, the confused.
    Ditch any man who isn’t “into you” the way you want.
    Ditch your romantic fantasies and make up new ones.
    Look at the men who are your “friends” who want more. Stop judging men by their covers. Work on being extraordinary and LOVING your extraordinariness.”

    It is true MEN will start waking up once us women start having more confidence and higher standards… and ditching them… I soo agree… powerful!!!

    Love the newsletter!!!


  402.  #402Sophie on August 5, 2013 at 9:16 am

    I am having a hard time with masculine energy. I am not enjoying it. I wish I had someone else to do the masculine energy for me. I have a dispute with a neighbour about damage that has been caused to my house by his neglect. I feel an entire plethora of emotions; rage, despair, disappointment, powerlessness, hurt. He chose not to be cooperative with me when I asked him if he could resolve the issue so I then paid for an engineer to inform me that there was no issue with my property just with his. He has then involved his insurance company who are now trying to fob me off having taken none of my evidence into account. I feel squashed. It kept me awake last night.

    This may be a sweeping generalisation but I often feel disadvantaged as a woman when I come up against professionals especially when they are male. I feel treated like the hysterical little woman. maybe this is because I feel like the hysterical little woman. I am emotional by nature. I find it very difficult to remain disaffected by things. I feel unhappy with the letters I am sent and I feel unhappy responding. I find it very difficult to not be passionate and angry and attacking in my correspondence (albeit in a ‘professional way’). I have just fired off a letter now. It takes so much of my energy and then I dread the responses as it fires me up again.

    Maybe I should have tried scripting the letter. In fact I should have definitely tried scripting the letter. Maybe there is a way to stay in feminine energy even within the remit of traditionally masculine discourse and keep my power and my energy. Being in masculine energy feels draining. I want someone else to do it for me. I need to remember I am a siren even when I am feeling angry at authorities who are telling me no. I don’t like authorities who are telling me no.

  403.  #403Mercedes on August 5, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Jessie1000: Cding doesn’t mean sleeping with a bunch of men (unless that’s what you want). I circular dated for a very long time but did not have sex with any of the men in my rotation. I had fun dinners and drinks and just really cool dates but I wasn’t having sex with the men I was dating. My current life partner did chase me down and did win me. I like knowing he’s not afraid of a little competition. 🙂

    I do agree that cding in a small town is a lot more tricky than in a large city. I’m not sure I could have done it in the small town I lived in before moving to here.

    Much Love,

  404.  #404Sophie on August 5, 2013 at 9:29 am

    Hey Jessie

    I get your point I don’t know how it works so well in a small town – did you ever read the book The Rules? They pointed out in that that the old school way of dating eg a couple of generations ago was to date different men so that you’d get to see who you liked and the men accepted the fact that you were a prize to be won – that kind of made sense to me and I don’t find it too difficult to CD when I am dating all the men equally; they know its dating and that they have competition

    When it comes to being in a relationship with someone and then CD’ing because they withdraw or because you’re unsure whether its going where you want a relationship to go then the way I understand it in a way that’s comfortable for me is CD’ing because less about actual men and dates and more about regaining a sense of self and self-power through stopping putting all the focus onto one man and what he is and isn’t doing and putting it back on yourself; having your own life; being less available to the man and the ‘energy’; and reminding yourself to the point that your vibe changes that there’s more to life than him and that relationship…that then changes things energetically…that’s the way I see it

    sex is a whole different thing and an individual choice…

  405.  #405Mercedes on August 5, 2013 at 9:30 am

    “Tell a man flat out that your going to see other people means its over.” – But this isn’t true if a man really wants you. He’ll deal with the other dates and do whatever it takes to be with you. If he really cares about you. If he doesn’t “feel it” for you though…yeah…he’ll walk. That’s kind of a nice thing to know. If he doesn’t really love me he’ll walk. If he does, he’ll pick up his game. I like that.

    Much Love,

  406.  #406Mercedes on August 5, 2013 at 9:32 am

    Sophie: 401. Yup! That’s how I see it too. 🙂

    Much Love,

  407.  #407Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 9:35 am

    I hear what you are saying Sophie.

    Like I said I feel in agreement with the article I just pasted re faulty pickers and chemistry.

    If you disagree and don’t feel in agreement and think yours is working for you then I feel accepting of your feelings and thoughts.

    For me I feel in agreement with the statement in the article. ” if you have been unsuccessful in love then we can assume that your chemistry meter is broken.” or faulty.

    And to me it is to do with how everyone learned to label love when young from their family. Not astrology and star signs. Hense instant chemistry = familiar something that reminds us of family. So we repeat old patterns.
    It this was working for us and making us happy. Why would be here?

    Aren’t we all here to learn how to stop repeating old patterns that have not worked for us? And are not bringing us the relationships, love and happiness that we deserve and desire?

    I am.

  408.  #408Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 9:37 am

    To choose something better and new rather than familiar that hurts and causes us pain.

  409.  #409Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 9:43 am

    I totally get that the woman was the prize.

    Difference was men were not very likely to get full sex unless they either got married or went to a prostitute.
    As most women were too scared of getting pregnant.

    Nowadays with contraception and women willing to sleep around that isn’t the case.

  410.  #410Rori Raye on August 5, 2013 at 9:45 am

    Alhakale – If you don’t like how you feel with a man – then the only question to ask is “Why am I with him?” If you, like so many of us, are making this up in your head, and then shutting yourself down so he can’t “feel” you – you will fulfill your own diagnosis. Love, Rori

  411.  #411Rori Raye on August 5, 2013 at 9:46 am

    Alhakale – “I feel insecure around your ex”

  412.  #412Rori Raye on August 5, 2013 at 9:48 am

    Alhakale – Somehow, a man telling me he wants to grow old with me, loves me more than anything and then marrying me would seem like – the truth! (If he follows through with the wedding in a thrilled way.) There are always exes. It’s up to you to decide how you can allow him to love you fully, and still have emotional connections to other women in his heart and body. That would be okay with me…if what he’s saying to you is true for him. Love, Rori

  413.  #413Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Sophie my sadness as I have already expressed was coming from some women being vulnerable targets from some predetory men and women out in the world spotting that vulnerability and using it to their adavantage to make some money out of them, getting them hooked and addicted to things like astrology, psychic readings, etc etc.

  414.  #414Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 9:53 am

    My sadness was nothing to do with me being tiggered by old wounds in myself.
    My sadness was coming from a core feeling not a wounded trigger feeling.

  415.  #415Daria on August 5, 2013 at 10:03 am

    Syreena reading your last post I felt triggered. I felt doubtful… I had an urge to think I know better… “this person is explaining so they’re triggered and defensive and it probably was NOt a core feeling” is the thoughts that came up

    then reading about predatory men and women (I read up) I felt bad and thinking wise reconfirmed my impression

    judging people as predatory or seeing the world filled with attack feels bad and I don’t want to see it that way

    I use it as a clue I/others are projecting stuff

    I feel distrustful that this projection would trigger ‘core feelings’ and of course some experiences feel sad but if theres still ‘good guys/bad guys’ it doesn’t ring as core or the real love truth for me

    I feel guilty talking about myself here and expecting to trigger your defenses

    I feel curious about my urge to express myself on this topic and talk about how I felt and also what I think… hmmm

    I feel good about my babysteps to drop what I think and go more and more with what I feel and yet use context in order to feel like im communicating freely

  416.  #416Emerson on August 5, 2013 at 10:06 am

    I feel a lil beat up after dating the past few months. So many highs and lows. I feel like maybe I will never meet the right guy. I feel sad and scared but I feel grateful too for many things.

  417.  #417April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 10:19 am

    I feel exasperated.
    On here. With the throwing around of masculine opinions (yes, Syreena your posts are all about how you think, not how you feel).

    It activates the same sensations in me as when I talk with any person, male or female, and they don’t ‘get’ me. In my relationship this feels especially heart-sinking, shoulder drooping, weary.

    I feel sad and a bit sick hearing one of my passions being thrown to the ground and stamped on.

    I have studied astrology, in depth, for five years. Anyone who knows anything about this science and its ancient roots will know that popular ‘horoscope’ style astrology is a load of generalised poop, signifying nothing. The real stuff is a treasure trove of subtle psychology, full of gems and insights, designed to support our journey.
    I feel excited any time I meet a kindred soul, with an open heart and mind, who is willing to explore the value of things such as the greater universal forces which act upon us.

    And, I consider Carol Allen an astrologer with the knowledge, discernment, and intuition to be very careful around vulnerable or desperate people looking to have their decisions made for them.

    I don’t want to discuss astrology. I’m here to talk my feelings. Astrology is a tool I employ to help me unlock my feelings.

  418.  #418Femininewoman on August 5, 2013 at 10:23 am


    I know what you mean. I still choose to believe.

  419.  #419April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 10:26 am


    HE will find YOU one day when you forget to look!

  420.  #420Erika Awakening on August 5, 2013 at 10:28 am

    I feel tired of diagnosing anything. Part of me wanted to say I feel shut down after this last guy. It felt exhausting telling him over and over again that I didn’t want to be with him. It felt exhausting to get my hopes up yet again and then feel soooo disappointed. I do feel closed. I’m not interested in doing this again. Not ever.

    Today though I don’t want to diagnose or analyze myself. I feel closed lately and I embrace this as part of my process. Sometimes a living creature is enclosed for a while in a cocoon or a womb because it is transforming into something new. I don’t want to “force” feeling open. I’ll feel open when I feel open. Right now if I want to feel closed, I will feel closed. Right now even making conversation feels exhausting so I give myself permission to just be with myself for as long as I need.

  421.  #421April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 10:30 am

    Supporting you where you are. Noone says you can’t feel closed AND love on yourself at the same time!

    It’s a paradox I land up in often.

  422.  #422Liquid Light on August 5, 2013 at 10:31 am

    Hi sirens,

    I finished my move and am settling in. It has had its ups and downs but I’m feeling better about it now. A big reason for the move was to be more connected to family and friends and that’s been great.

    I want to get your take on someone with whom I’m communicating with. He’s someone from an online dating site and we haven’t yet met. But I feel like that it could happen soon potentially. He seems interesting and there’s something that I find very intriguing about him. He’s obviously very smart, accomplished, a devoted father, and art lover. I’m artist so I have a big soft spot for that.

    My hesitation is because he’s separated. Do you think its playing with fire to date someone who is separated? I’ve never done that before and it makes me a bit uneasy. Would love to get your take! Thanks!

  423.  #423sensuouswoman on August 5, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Loved Rori’s answer… it was great. I learned the “do not talk to him if he is pulling away instead make a connection first.

    My current exclusive boyfriend had hurt my feelings a couple of weeks ago. I was very upset (now I can’t remember even why!!!!! sheesh… so i guess it wasn’t that important huh?) Oh now I remember, he can be sarcastic sometimes I think it is a defense mechanism of his and he already knows I don’t like it. But we had been discussing a topic that I felt strongly about and he kept on pushing me on the topic to get me to react.. I consider this a form of bullying or baiting.. I tried to talk to him about it right after it occurred but he was in no mood to talk about it.. so he took a nap. I was extremely upset and in a quandary of how to talk to him about it. So I journeled my feelings and examined them. Anger was the chief emotion that was at the top but when I dug deeper I realized that the root emotion I had was sadness because he had done this baiting/sarcastic thing. So I wrote about it just on a piece of scrap paper and in my writing I formed an “exit” speech.. as I wrote and rewrote my tone began to get more gentle and I just started to feel the sadness. I went into where he was sleeping and bent over and tenderly kissed him and told him I was going home that afternoon so he could rest. He immediately woke up and asked what was wrong and I told him that I was very sad… and when he asked me why I told him how his response to me earlier had brought about this sad feeling.. He immediately apologized.. reached up and held me close and kissed me on the check and started to cuddle with me. Well it took about 30 seconds for me to forget the conflict…. hahaha.. and we ended up having an excellent night. Since then I have noticed that he still will be funny with some sarcasm but he reels it in quicker now before feelings can get hurt. We are on a good frequency now. So my advice is to journal and keep sweetness and tenderness on the surface as you expose the core feelings you are having.. I was able to do that with a caress and a kiss on his forehead while he was sleeping and he woke up to that.. rather than hearing me crying in the corner of the room or slamming drawers.. or doors.. or muttering to myself. I was able to be tender and caring but still hurt till the was some kind of resolution.

  424.  #424Liquid Light on August 5, 2013 at 10:35 am

    wow, sensuouswoman, love that post! 🙂

  425.  #425April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 10:36 am

    Liquid Light,

    I would treat him as practice. Date him, yes. Discover him, and discover more about you in his presence.
    I wouldn’t get too excited – I’d let him show himself and I’d trust my intuition and his actions/words to let me know whether he is relationship-ready. But I’d have at least a few dates before I started thinking about potential relationship stuff.

  426.  #426Erika Awakening on August 5, 2013 at 10:38 am

    I am sitting with Rori’s newsletter today and looking for hidden beliefs to clear … I don’t entirely agree with it though. Men need to do their inner work too. This last guy just sat on the sidelines while I and my customers tapped through 30-day challenge after 30-day challenge. He acted so confident that I thought he didn’t need them. Then I met him in person and discovered he needs ALL of them plus private coaching. Yet he thinks it’s okay to sit around and do nothing while everyone else is doing their work, and just “agree” with my ultimate conclusions.

    No. Absolutely not. A man just being “available” and “nice” doesn’t get the job done. Rori, I don’t think letting men “off the hook” like this is helpful. I coached men for a long time. They need to do just as much transformation as women, and when they don’t, they are failing to row the boat.

    “Nice” and “available” are so often “cover-ups” for “I haven’t done my work. How about if you do it all for me and I’ll just pretend to myself that I’m a finished product over here?” No thanks.

    Rori, in general – I am loving your new newsletters. This one though I think you’re being way too easy on men …

  427.  #427Lisa on August 5, 2013 at 10:41 am

    @April Rose

    I totally get what your saying! I too have felt that… and I agree that everyone is entitled to their beliefs without having someone strongly tell you, you should stop it, get over it, not take it seriously. It feels like someone is telling you what you should believe… I get that..

    honor everyone’s path where ever they are, however that feels right for them, whatever their beliefs are… Instead of just saying point blank… don’t do it, don’t feel that way… it does feel like stomping… I agree.

    And yet, in my experience, it is also about understanding that everyone is entitled to their opinion even if it isn’t ours (strongly stated as it might be)… it isn’t personal to me… they are projecting their own stuff…… I try to keep that in mind. It really isn’t about ME… at all…

    I support your astrology as I find it useful and accurate at times and run it through my filter… and if anyone who chooses to live by astrology… I support that!!! Just as I support someone that doesn’t chose it, doesn’t believe in it… or chooses another belief which I don’t subscribe to… I think it is about honoring everyone’s beliefs….

    I’m sorry that you felt unsupported… and I meant to jump in and support you….

    Go Girl! Love your passion!!!


  428.  #428CurvySiren10 on August 5, 2013 at 10:43 am

    April Rose, I feel sad reading your post. I don’t like the idea of anyone stomping on anyone else’s passions and interests. I am intrigued by this information because I always associated Astrology with horoscopes. I feel curious about the science of Astrology and its ancient roots.

    Liquid Light, I really think it depends what you’re looking for. If it’s a relationship, i’d be very cautious with anyone who is separated. It’s a very volatile and difficult time of adjustment for anyone, especially if there kids involved. If you are just seeking companionship for now, but not looking for someone who is fully “relationship ready”, it could be fine.

  429.  #429Erika Awakening on August 5, 2013 at 10:43 am

    Thanks April Rose 🙂 Today I am loving my shut-down-ness.

  430.  #430Alhakale on August 5, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Dear Rori,

    Thank you so much for what you are doing here. I just cannot thank you enough!

  431.  #431April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 10:55 am

    I feel bad thinking I have been mean to Syreena.


    Sorry. I would love to have tea with you and see your face and discover our mutual passions.
    Fancy a date?

  432.  #432Liquid Light on August 5, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Thanks AprilRose and Curvy,

    Yes, I agree with the being cautious part. He has already expressed reservations about dating and his availability. His kids are his first priority and he spends a lot of time with them.

    I said that I’m new to the area and am interested in making friends since I don’t know that many people here. And so we agreed to be friends which really is fine with me.

    But then I’m getting stuff from him like “what do you think makes a great relationship?” Also he responded in a really RR way to one of my emails about how I’ve been in a funk at times about moving. Here’s what he said “Thank you so much for taking the risk to tell me about your funk. Everyone talks about marathons, traveling to Peru etc. it is much more vulnerable, risky and real to say you might be in a small funk.”

    Isn’t that amazing, its exactly what RR says about male/female dynamics!!! I couldn’t believe it! And then he wanted to call me and chat!!! And here I’m thinking, let’s be casual, be friends, no hurry etc.

    So it seems a bit confusing. But maybe he thinks that since we agreed that we are just friends, he can express himself more openly and freely and be off the hook??? Any ideas??

  433.  #433Veronica on August 5, 2013 at 11:27 am

    I read something that I had written a year or so ago when he wanted space and I was freaking out. I noticed how caught up I was in him and how stuck I was – not knowing how to get my power back. I didn’t feel any disgust towards myself, rather I was astonished at my lack of power. And I’m pleased because I noticed the difference and I noticed that I am now different. I’m actually surprised that I wasn’t disgusted with myself. It’s as if the world is a little bit magical when that happens – I can’t even know for sure what knowledge of myself will be delivered to me every time I go out and do something by myself.

    Without doing anything at all, a guy I knew from university asked to meet up. I love that I didn’t have to do anything, that I felt like I didn’t have to do anything. I want to practice more of that please.

    And I feel bouts of anxiety about my future – I feel pressure to decide and get settled. But also that I’m giving myself the biggest gift by devoting as much time as I can to heal and improve my skills.

  434.  #434Liquid Light on August 5, 2013 at 11:28 am

    I had a date last night with another guy from the online dating site. It was our first date. He seems like he’s really nice, works hard, and is a devoted father. But he’s a piping fabricator (whatever that is) and hasn’t been to college. I’ve got a bachelor’s and a master’s degree and I really value education… I’m not trying to be a snob but I really don’t think there’s any chance in hell that it would go anywhere with him. He’s asked me out again and I feel totally ambivalent and 100% confident it would never work out. (It’s not just because of the degree thing, its the lack of commonality.) So, sirens, what do you think? Should I go out with him knowing that I would never take him seriously as a real “contender”? He def qualifies as one of RR’s nice guys….

  435.  #435CurvySiren10 on August 5, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Liquid Light- I think the separated guy is probably enjoying the friendship and getting to know you and may try to push it forward into dating, which is fine- as long as your expectations are in line about what that would be like. (sounds like you’re well aware)
    The education thing. Yeah, those can be big gating factors, but you can always date him as “practice”if you so desire. It’s kind of a slippery slope because you know he’s not a contender, but he doesn’t. You know? Tricky…

  436.  #436Emerson on August 5, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Blue rosé
    Either he will like you or he won’t.
    Be careful with this one. I feel suspicious of a guy hanging around a drunk girl and maybe his intentions are questionable.
    Also, friending on Facebook with a cd or potential cd is not always the best plan. Sorry to be negative just being honest.

  437.  #437Lisa on August 5, 2013 at 11:52 am

    I totally don’t feel men should be off the hook at all! I agree! I think though is that if we as women do our part to empower ourselves… it will be a catalyst…

    I agree nice can totally be a cover up just as anything else can be, I certainly just experienced that myself… with “M”. When all is said and done, listening to my gut telling me it was an excuse , would have been loving for me… instead of listening to everything else…

    I think it is about listening to our deepest intuitions.. and paying attention… without a Need to hold on to an outcome. ( so much easier said than done) I’m working on it…


  438.  #438Femininewoman on August 5, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Emerson I feel resonant with what you are saying to blue rose.

    Blue Rose it would be interesting for me to know if his exes were drunks or women who binge drink.

  439.  #439Emerson on August 5, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    Speaking of Facebook it’s really annoying me lately. May be time for a break.

  440.  #440Emerson on August 5, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    Hi FW!! 🙂

  441.  #441Indigo on August 5, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    April Rose 🙂

    You are so gentle

  442.  #442LoveAlways on August 5, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    A guy playfully asked me out on a date today and I was so triggered!!! YEAH! Something to heal! This has not happened in a while!

    I broke down yesterday and created an on-line profile. I’m ready to practice and I want NEW cds!

    It is raining me, and the old ones are crawling from under their respective rocks now. CD Assertive sent me an email yesterday (blast from the past!!), CD Song called me yesterday (we spoke, he sang to me) and CDarmy sent me a text message about a “hot” dream he had about me . . . Don’t want to go backwards, want to move forward, so I want new cds.

    I’m meeting new men, but none are stepping up to the plate to ask me out – which is fine, I’m in super feminine energy mode, so I’m not making it easy at all. My boy energy got me there in front of them, and the girl energy is receptive, the rest is up to them!!

    Oh listened to interview with Charu this morning for the first time . . . WOW, how coooooool.


  443.  #443Emerson on August 5, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    Sorry to keep talking about him but I feel let down by natureCD. I let myself dream about possible a future with him which feels silly now… We only met a few times and I was not attracted at first but then he kinda hooked me in… He’s not my type but I started feeling really attracted…took me by surprise…
    I continued to lean back and allowed myself to receive…
    But he poofed…

  444.  #444Indigo on August 5, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Erika 425

    I understand I think what you’re saying… I think the trouble is, we can’t force men to do their work.

    We can refuse to be in relationships with them, but I don’t know… I suppose I just feel men tend to have different strengths. I wouldn’t want to overlook these because I was expecting a similar dedication to his personal development as I have in myself.

  445.  #445Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    It feels difficult for me to work out how a relationship would work with a man who has children with other another women if the man is saying he hates that other woman and is angrily confronting her and her boyfriend in a store. All sounds very dramatic.

    So much easier if no children are involved. Easy no contact is really needed.
    Or with children who have flown the nest, little contact.

  446.  #446Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Is it true that I only express thoughts and do not express feelings no. I express both just like everyone else.

    I don’t want to only express feelings.
    I don’t want to only express thoughts.

    Is it true that others on here only express feelings and no thoughts or opinions, No.
    They express both. As I do.

    If someone chooses to open themselves up by expressing an opinion or thought, then they put themselves out there to get a different thought or opionion back. That will not always be the same or in agreement with theirs.

    I have already said I feel ok with agreeing to disgree with you over astrology April Rose..
    so feels pointless to go any futher on this one now.
    Don’t really know what else to say apart from carry on if that feels good to you.
    And if that helps you get what you want.

  447.  #447Liquid Light on August 5, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Syreena, That’s interesting you say that re. children. I have this fantasy about getting involved with a man who has children since I have no children of my own. Yet I still yearn for being a mother of some sort. (I am the godmother of my niece and nephew whom I live closer to now and I am very happy about that.)

    My ex had children but they were college age. Maybe its a fantasy though and not really based in reality I dunno? I think the kid thing has its own challenges …maybe I’m just romantizing about creating some kind of idyllic little family with some adorable, devoted, divorced father and living happily ever after!!! 🙂

  448.  #448Miranda Faith on August 5, 2013 at 1:23 pm


    I is a different feel, paying attention to things that weren’t noticeable before when the shade of comfort where drawn over the reality.In that it is possible to feel for someone a way that is pleasurable and fulfilling for one , and likewise allows the other to express themselves in a natural way that Is congruent to the with obeing a part of a life and person you want to experience.it’s a good feeling to open this..and once you let the feeling of loss and desperation for understanding go. The shade are pulled up, and you can see them as someone that is different but still good, desirable, and exciting with a different vibe. I’m so thankful that I have feelings for those that are so closed to my hheart. You are there and yet you have been there for so long.. I can’t imagine never experiancing them but I am hopeful that with a new outlook on my feelings, and the difference that is noted. I just think it feels like something that can be fun and new .

    *·»`~°-v°°*°“···* XOXO.

  449.  #449Millie on August 5, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    I feel so sick to my stomach. I’ve just learned something that is so shocking. I can’t even repeat it right now. I feel like throwing up, I feel cloudy and underwater. How can I continue seeing him knowing this information?! But at the same time, it also changes nothing. It just feels……terrible. UGH!

  450.  #450Erika Awakening on August 5, 2013 at 1:36 pm


    Yea it’s a question of values. Passion for awakening and actually doing the work is a “must have” for me.

    I have a friend who is a relationship coach who’s been on the verge of breaking up with her boyfriend. While she has been doing her work, he’s been doing the “same old same old.” And the gap between them has grown and grown and grown.

    For me, I won’t date them. If all a man is going to do is sit around on my couch drinking – doesn’t really matter if it’s beer as in her case or organic smoothies as in this guy’s case – I’d rather be single. I’m happier single. If all a man is going to do is read my blog articles and say that he “knows my method is sound because he ‘agrees’ with all my conclusions” … while meanwhile he’s doing nothing substantial with his life, brags about the past, pontificates about business ideas that are full-on “amateur hour,” and has no freakin’ clue what went into creating this business … that feels awful.

    He’s not a “good” guy. He’s a guy who hasn’t done his work and thinks he’s going to waltz into my life and reap all the rewards.

    “There’s the door, mister. Don’t let it hit you too hard on the way out.”

  451.  #451Dominique on August 5, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Millie – I had something which sounds similar to this happen to me three years into my beautiful relationship with K. I don’t know what you heard, and you may or may not know what I learned, and it really doesn’t matter. It’s how you are feeling which matters. And you need to decide if what this is is something you can accept. Can you accept this man just as he is knowing this information? You don’t need to decide now or anytime soon.

    How about allowing all of this to sink in. Sleep on it. Meditate on it. Allow your heart to tell you what’s right for YOU to do here. If anything.

    And you can also tell him about this reaction you have had. I would suggest that you do.


  452.  #452Indigo on August 5, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    April Rose 416

    Yes me too.

    I feel pretty certain this will trigger Syreena, but “feeling in agreement” or “feeling ok to agree to disagree” is not a feeling.

    Sorry, but I’m feeling all cross and puffy-chest. Huff. I don’t like feeling this way when I come here.

  453.  #453Erika Awakening on August 5, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    LL, for me the level of a guy’s formal education doesn’t really matter. Look at the amazing men in the world who dropped out of college and went on to do world-changing things … For me, though it’s when my gut is telling me “No” because he has no clarity of purpose and isn’t going to be a good growth partner or contributor.

  454.  #454Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    I don’t feel triggered.

  455.  #455Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    I feel calm.

  456.  #456Syreena on August 5, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    Everyone on here expresses both thoughts and feelings.
    So both M & F Energy.

    You included Indigo.

    So I don’t feel triggered and feel no desire in trying to make sense out of nonsence

    All that would achieve would be to make me feel crazy. And I don’t want to do that.

  457.  #457Erika Awakening on August 5, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    I feel angry about the idea of dating a “nice” guy just because it’s “easy.” For me, that IS settling for bread crumbs.

    I’ve been in these relationships. At the end of the day, it wasn’t easy at all. It felt like being dead inside. It felt like suffocating and stagnating.

    I like the sound of Mercedes’ relationship. Creating a business together. That sounds fun and juicy and fulfilling to me. That, in my experience, is not possible with a nice passive guy who has no backbone and hasn’t done his work.

  458.  #458Liquid Light on August 5, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    yeah, Erika, he just doesn’t inspire me…dunno, but being inspired is important to me. that he is a great and devoted father is inspiring but I don’t know that it is enough…

  459.  #459Tereana on August 5, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    I feel tempted to say, “all the cute ones are taken.” It’s not true! I know it’s not true.

    It’s just that, just now, I was on the subway train, and there was this really cute guy, and I was looking at him, like trying not to look head-on too much, just check him out. And I felt so turned on and excited. I felt like this warm, juicy feeling all in my pelvis, splashing up to the palate of my mouth and it was so yummy, and then I looked at his ring finger. Arg! Of course.

    But I still enjoyed the feeling I was having. I leaned back, let my body feel soften, touched my hair. I caught my thoughts, and focused on simply being beautiful, rather than “trying” to accomplish something. I guess, in a way, knowing (or at least supposing) that he’s married takes the pressure off.

    I didn’t look at him before I got off the train, but I imagined him watching me…

  460.  #460April Rose on August 5, 2013 at 2:10 pm


    I guess I’m sensitive and even a little insecure about the things that re