What To Do About Circular Dating When Men Don’t Show Up For Planned Dates

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The Question:

“Hi Rori, Firstly, thank you! I felt completely out of my depth and floundering with dating and relationships until I found your work.

Now I’m working my way through the complete series and making progress with Circular Dating….by that I mean, seeing it as an opportunity to learn about myself and to receive the ‘message’ from each guy.

I’m a newbie, but I’m also really seeing the benefit in taking the intense focus off  ‘the one’ man and dispersing it across many possible men…I love it!

The problem that keeps coming up for me though, is that I’ve had a number of men now initiate a meeting/date, we make a plan and then….nothing.

I’m here again tonight feeling disappointed that a guy was coming over to my place this evening and yet here I am on my own with no communication from him at all.

I then battle internally with do I message him, or is that making effort (aka chasing him) and, therefore, I leave it to him to follow through in some way (or not).

Once upon a time I’d send a long message attacking him for not being here. Now, because of your work, I don’t go on the attack, but in my uncertainty of the next step I end up doing nothing except waiting to see if he has the integrity to at least initiate contact again and provide some kind of explanation.

I just get so muddled up in it all!

A positive for tonight though is that I’m not spending my time pining after him…..I’ve been online and communicating with other men on my dating site to remind myself I’m a diva with many great men to explore.

But even before this bewilderment with the let-down, I also feel I’m missing something in the communication of a meet/date in the first place.

He initiates. I respond with something like ‘I feel good about meeting you Saturday night’.

He says ‘awesome’.

I’m like ‘Great, see you then’. And then just nothing.

No follow-up message or contact from him to confirm on the day.

And I feel if I contact him to confirm then I’m doing the chasing and coming across as desperate so I don’t send any follow-up message to him either.

What am I missing in these interactions? What’s in the way of making an arranged date actually happen?Thanks Rori! “Dating”

My Answer:

Here’re the main points:

1. First meets from online dates cannot be on Saturday nights or at your house. 

They must be at a safe and close place for YOU, like an outside mall or shopping and coffeehouse street you you can walk, or a Starbucks or coffee house, or bar.

Saturday nights are for follow-up dates with the most reliable men you’ve already met.

2. ALWAYS have a “Plan B.” 

This means double up on every date – just as you Circular Date to spread around your energy, do this with every date, by also making a fun plan to do something with yourself (a shopping trip, a lecture, etc…) or with a friend who doesn’t mind being Plan B – (drop-by wherever she is, etc…)

3. Contacting a man who has NOT showed up is simple. 

First choice: Let it go, forget him, cross him off, use this for practice NOT “doing” ANYTHING!!!

If he can’t plan, follow up his invitation with a reminder call, show up and follow up – then he’s going to be a lousy life-partner.

So – just let him go.

Second choice: If you want to make a “stock” answer for all these experiences, text back to them “…sorry we missed each other last night…” (and put a simple, girl-like emoji at the end (I like the girl dancing flamenco in the red dress).

In other words, you partied without him…!

And that’s all you need.

If you’d like to feel completely supported through your Circular Dating process, or to bring back a man and a relationship that’s stalled or been damaged, I’d love to see you on the Siren Island Membership->

You’ll get spectacular, professional coaches and I holding your hand through ALL of these “dating” dilemmas nearly 24/7, along with so many fresh, new Materials: Guides, ebooks, Cheat Sheets, spontaneous and scheduled videos and live Q & A’s.

Love, Rori

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