I remember Bill. He was gorgeous (just the kind of looks that made me weak), his body felt like it fit mine perfectly, and he was still so involved with his ex-wife it was like she was joined to him at the hip.
Looking back – I instantly want to ask myself “What was I thinking?” But I always come up with an answer, too – I always know that I thought I was “beating” her. I thought I was “winning” him.
Nevermind that his life was littered with “friends” who were once girlfriends.
Nevermind that if the ex-wife needed ANYTHING (and she ALWAYS needed something) he was there in a flash.
Nevermind that he’d bring me places and forget to introduce me to his friends.
Nevermind that he never once referred to me as his “girlfriend.”
But I stayed with him – exclusively – for more than a year. Until another woman came along. And then I was no more than the “friend with benefits” I’d always been.
So how do you AVOID having it happen to you the way it did to me? (And I DID learn to never, ever let that happen to me again…)
First – never ever, and I mean NEVER become exclusive with a man unless you have EVERYTHING you want – the ring, the house, the wedding, the trip around the world – whatever it is that makes YOU feel like you have a great relationship that’s in the exact place you want it to be, AND you feel ABSOLUTELY SECURE inside that you are loved, cared for, and come FIRST in his life.
Alright – that’s a lot.
Most of us would think that’s extreme. And yet it’s the ONLY way to feel strong inside, keep your boundaries going, keep your own LIFE moving forward no matter WHAT your man does or says.
And yes – it IS possible to be fully involved with a man – emotionally, sexually, spiritually and in every other way – and STILL keep your options open until you have all those “commitment” things you want.
More about how to do this in future posts – for now – I want you to IMAGINE doing this.
IMAGINE what it would be like to always keep your options open until YOU feel FIRST in his life. Until the “ex” either disappears completely, or becomes simply the mother of his children and a friend of both of you in a way that feels GOOD to YOU.
Next we’ll work on the two parts of this “ex” thing – Boundaries so you NEVER feel resentful or angry about the situation, and Attraction so you can bring him closer without ANY effort.