What To Do if He’s Whining About Your Non-Exclusivity and Circular Dating

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Here’s a great comment from Angel Baby – so I’m jumping off…

“I’ve been doing circular dating – and the men are definitely pouring in! I feel fun and flirty, and the men are drawn to me like a magnet. Problem is, they ALL want to keep me and I feel stupid dating them if I’m not sure I want to keep them. Each of the men I’m dating is really fun, intelligent, attractive (to me) and the chemistry is great. Now I’m down to having to get clear about what I’M really looking for. In the meantime, these guys are expressing that they’re feeling toyed with. Is that just whining on their part? I feel guilty, a little tired, and super confused! Thanks, Rori!

Angel Baby, Welcome and BRAVA to YOU!!!

The thing here is – what is the definition of “keep”?

What does that mean to a man?

What does it mean to you?

If what you want is marriage, lifelong commitment – and you’re not sure about any of these men, and they’re not offering rings…then what is there to “keep”?

The thing here is – this is a GREAT OPPORTUNITY for you to TALK with these men!!

Ask them what they’re thinking about the two of you when they complain.

Ask what they want, what they see.

Share your feelings in total Feeling Messages about how attached and weird you can feel when you’re exclusive and hoping for a ring, and that you’ve just discovered it feels so much better to just let the man be in charge.

In other words, exclusivity isn’t your goal here . A “boyfriend” isn’t your goal – marriage is!!!

As long as you’re not having sex with anyone – or at least with just one man…you can stay sane here. And if you are having sex – you’re just going to have to be supremely even MORE Rock Star Diva!

You do this by totally TELLING THE TRUTH at ALL TIMES to ALL MEN.

You do this by focusing on yourself so you are as much in touch with how you feel every single moment – so that you’re responding and soft and open and spontaneous…and AWARE of your impulses and words – as you can possibly be.

Love, Rori

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323 Comments

  1.  #1Ankita on May 23, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Wow….

    This question was bothering me a lot ….
    I even asked it here once…

    Now I got the answer and got the key….
    I know what to do…
    Am no longer feeling confused what to do and what to say to them….. about my CD….



  2.  #2Jennifer on May 23, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    Meh…..
    I feel the river of men has dried up right now. I dont’ want a dried up river. I’ve sent messages to men on Eharmony and gotten nothing back. I don’t want to send messages to men. I want them to send messages to me. I want to be crawling with men.
    I feel cranky. I feel annoyed. I feel princessy.
    I love feeling like a princess. I love all my feelings.
    I thank the universe for this opportunity to rest from men.
    I know there will be more of a river.
    Thank you universe for my river.



  3.  #3Ankita on May 23, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    Keys to feminine power…

    If any of you want to hear or download this tele seminar , you can get it here…

    http://femininepower.com/keysdownload/



  4.  #4Ankita on May 23, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Today a guy called me to ask why am I not responding to him coz I had msged him on FB that I no longer reply to texts.

    My new agenda, “No texts. Only calls. Am not gonna reply unless am asked something specific in texts..!!”

    Though am not interested in him at all, but still.. Felt fabulous… Hmmm!



  5.  #5Lynn on May 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    I’m confused

    how do married people circular date and isnt that against the whole marriage thing…Rori?? anybody???



  6.  #6Turtle Girl on May 23, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    I just went through this big time!!!!!!!!!1

    I went on a coffee meet with a new CD guy yesterday. We had a great time.

    Last night I put up a new CL ad. He of course saw it,
    and emailed me something to the effect that I must not have been very impressed with him, if I had a new ad up!! WTF???

    This kind of shit from men just drives me up the freaking wall!! Who DO they think they are? They meet you one time, and they are already jealous? Or they are afraid of competition from other men? Of they think so much of themselves that they think you are now, after only one meeting, dropping all the other guys for them, and yet you just met? There is no “keeping” going on.
    They want to believe that you are only going to date them now from now on, and they are afraid of getting taken for a ride?

    I just go insane over this shit. It’s the part of not being the “girlfriend” that I hate. Men are crazy and they make no sense at all when they do this crap.
    Anyone understand this? What the hell. Is there a man in the house who can clue me in????

    Anyone?????? Frustrated to the max. Feeling irritated and pissy over this kind of shit. Feelings like screaming. Triggers!!! Arrrrgghhh!!!!!



  7.  #7Ankita on May 23, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Turtle Girl

    I can completely understand your frustrations… I can relate to it…

    That’s the one question I have asked repeatedly in my comments.. And it truly frustrates big time…

    Guys are like this only…. They want you all to themselves, but they won’t be exclusive with you…!!
    They want themselves to be our everything, when we have just met, they will complain that they don’t like chasing and that we are playing games, etc.
    But once they get us, they are out…!! We in, they out.!!

    And then, we are in whole lot mess…!!

    I think the best solution will be to use Feeling Messages, and then conveying that you don’t want exclusivity, and that you would like to CD still…etc.



  8.  #8Jennifer on May 23, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    OMG…………do NOT watch “P.S. I love you” when you have pms.
    Now I’m sitting here crying like an idiot eating ribs.
    I freakin HATE Hiliary Swank.



  9.  #9Daria on May 23, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Jennifer – YAY i LOVE when I cry!!! which is multiple times per day now

    (vs. due to previous stuffing – several times a lifetime)

    CRYING is the most AWES?OME tool. It feels soooo good now! and after I feel HEALED .. I LOVE IT



  10.  #10mary on May 23, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    Hello Rori,

    I would welcome even more posts about this. It’s beginning to be an issue for me, too. And I do take on the blame and feel like I’m toying and gaming, even if I know that it’s the best thing for the relationship.

    It feels so awful sometimes.



  11.  #11Jennifer on May 23, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    dear god.
    My mother just came in crying. Mom and dad were up visiting a friend. The local slimeball came in. Started calling my mother a lazy C*nt. My mother.
    This other woman is bipolar. Big time. She’s totally random. My mother came in yelling and crying because my father stood there and let the other woman yell that she was being assaulted by my mother when mom told her to F#ck off.
    I lost my nut. No stuffing for this girl.
    I was right in dad’s face. He said that I had TOLD this woman that my mother was lazy. ME!!!!!!!
    I dislike this woman intensly. She’s manipulative and nasty.
    I yelled and cried and called him an asshole. I told him that if he wanted to punish himself for whatever reason by hanging out with loosers to stop letting them come into our lives. The spread shit all over the place. They cause chaos.



  12.  #12Laughing goddess on May 23, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    Oooooo, this post feels so relevant for me and I would love to discuss it further. It’s been the topic of discussion between LI and I this weekend.

    I feel stuck. I feel needing of help with this. I feel hopeful that I can get some answers here.



  13.  #13Turtle Girl on May 23, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    Ankita-

    I know girl! It’s so frustrating. I have to be honest, I am at a loss as to how to respond to this. The whole boyfriend speech no matter how you slice it, sounds so weird to me. I get what the point is from our perspective, but what the heck is up with the men?

    What do they really think they can have us, yet not have us? Cake and eat it to? I think that since the 60’s and the sexual revolution, they fell like why compete for women-the sex is everywhere and easy to get (especially if they are good looking) so why bother competing, or stepping up to the plate.

    But when WE play the field, aw hell naw, they ain’t down with that. What is good for the goose ain’t good for the gander so to speak……..

    Even my dad I remember said once-why buy the cow when the milk is free? Isn’t that an awful thing to say to your daughter. What an asshole. Just a weird memory came up around this topic.



  14.  #14Laughing goddess on May 23, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    I feel slow to get rori’s message here. I feel pretty sure I’m going to have to read the post at least 100 times to get it. I feel overwelmed.

    So, rori says tell the truth to all men all the time. So… Does that mean I say

    hey, I feel really into you but this guy I had the hots for before I met you is now single and showing interest and I feel curious to see how it would be with him. What do you think?

    Really? Is this what I say?

    I’ve sort of said that in a roundabout way and he got really hurt and said it would be really painful for him if I did that.

    And I feel even more confused because while I’m not interested in marriage, I do want a long term partner. LI is ready for that. But since it’s not so clear because there is no ring involved I feel unclear as to when it’s appropriate to be exclusive.

    I feel confused! Am I sabotaging a good relationship because I’m scared or is there really something with this other guy. All I want is a little space to explore with him. But at the same time, I may just be in an imaginary relationship with this other guy. I feel a connection and he definitely flirts but he hasn’t asked me out…but, I don’t imagine he would because as far as he knows, I’m in a relationship.

    I haven’t heard rori discuss how to cd within a tight knit community.

    I feel tight and tensed up but I also feel okay. I feel trusting that clarity will come. I feel thankful for this resource. I feel grateful.



  15.  #15Turtle Girl on May 23, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Lg-
    yes! This is the kind of thing I want to know……..
    Tell the truth all the time? hardly! REALLY? I mean c’mon…………



  16.  #16Jennifer on May 23, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    I’m just a mess all over the place.
    This woman causes chaos wherever she goes. And my father tries to help her whenever he can. Cause he says she has fibromyalgia. So does my mother.
    I feel so defeated.
    I cried on him and told him it wasn’t fair. I never said those things to that woman. But when she told him I did he BELIEVED her.
    I told him that after he worked too much and drank too much that there was only a little “daddy” left. I didn’t want to share him with a stranger. I will share him with my sister and my brother but it wasn’t fair to make me share him with crazy bipolar people who refuse to take thier meds and lie and cause chaos.
    I feel empty. Like some of the mad went out.
    I feel tired. I feel wrung out.



  17.  #17mary on May 23, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Yes.

    This is such a difficult topic.

    Last night when B wanted to kiss me, I felt that I wanted to keep exploring other men, and it didn’t seem right to show him affection if I wasn’t serious about him (and I’m not.)

    I can’t get my head around sex is just sex.

    I don’t think it can work that way for me.

    I’m gonna have to just be friends with everyone first and then see where the sparks fly. If they do!

    Not sure how that will work… I feel a little scared about it. Especially with Music Man. He likes his hands on me quite a bit. And it’s fun and natural to be close to him. He’s just “that way,” so being right next to him feels good and easy. But… I’d have the same problem with him if I started kissing.

    I want my kisses to mean something (to me.) If i start kissing everyone, it’ll be about comparisons, rather than who the person is. I already experienced that in the fall.

    Staying in the game with lots of different guys to me means less physical stuff happening. Or they’ll get so jealous that they’ll go crazy. Or leave. Or both! haha.



  18.  #18Lucy on May 23, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Haven’t read the comments on this post yet but I just want to say

    I had a crappy crappy crappy crappy day.

    I feel crappy.



  19.  #19Lucy on May 23, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    My one and only attempt at the no girlfriend speech ( a few months ago) amounted to:

    “I feel confused. I don’t want to feel confused.”

    He responded, in a scared voice, “Don’t run off on me now.”

    That was the last time I saw him. Each time that he tried to set up another date I repeated my speech. Cuz I really did feel confused. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see him again in my confused state, so I didn’t. And he gave up.

    The end.



  20.  #20Lucy on May 23, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Turtle Girl, if I turn that situation around — say I had a first coffee date with a guy and I really liked him and thought we had potential together and was hoping he felt the same . . . and then I saw he put up a NEW ad right after that . . . I would feel the same way your date did. I would feel sad, disappointed, and confused. Not because I expected him to right away be exclusive and never date anyone else again . . . but because I would hope that he would savor our date for a little, think about me and want to make his next move with ME to see how it goes before wanting to date other women right away. I guess I would want to feel like I had stopped him in his tracks at least a little bit, ya know, made an impression on him that made him hesitate before just moving on….



  21.  #21mary on May 23, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    ohhhhhh.

    after i saw Island Man last weekend, i did just that, Lucy. I put up a new profile. new picture. new stuff.

    it was after that that he sent flowers. and i was very much overdoing it saying too much of a thank you. so… wow. who knows?

    i think this guy just moves very slowly.

    but… why?

    i’m experimenting now. he called yesterday because he was in town, and i wasn’t here. i haven’t called him back or gotten in touch with him at all.

    i’m hoping to hear from him soon. and also trying to forget about him and do other stuff.

    it’s difficult!



  22.  #22mary on May 23, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    I’m sad that you had such a bad day, Lucy.

    I’m feeling kind of low right now. I think I’m gonna go for a drive…



  23.  #23Lucy on May 23, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    Yeah, Mary, I’ve done it too, lol. But I’m not at all interested in any of the guys I’ve dated so far, so I don’t really care.



  24.  #24Lucy on May 23, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    Thanks for your empathy, Mary. I just got back from a loooonng drive myself. I drove away my adrenaline from my anger. And I went thru Arby’s drive-thru and got a jamocha shake to help my emotions. I know that was cheating, but it really was beyond what I could take at the moment. 🙁



  25.  #25Lucy on May 23, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    My daughter, a moment ago, said she’s sad I had a rough afternoon, too.

    I told her, “I haven’t felt that bad in a year.”

    She said, “I know. I could tell you felt really awful.”

    I said, “I guess I should be glad I’ve had a whole year of not feeling that bad.”



  26.  #26Lucy on May 23, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    My ex-h had stopped over. We have been on friendly terms for several months now. But today we had a seemingly innocent little convo that suddenly veered into triggering sorta a post-traumatic stress reaction/memory in me that reopened my wound from his extra-marital escapades. I felt so angry — all the anger from before, all those years of pain with him before — just resurfaced. And I lost it. I didn’t use feeling messages. I judged and blamed him.

    When I was driving then, I felt so mad at myself and the nasty voices started in — ones that had long been silenced.

    I felt like I had failed in my big opportunity to use feeling messages in a difficult situation.

    The voices started:

    You are a failure.
    You are completely unlovable.
    You are worthless.
    You don’t deserve ANYTHING good in your life.
    Everything that goes wrong is your fault.
    You are a horrible person and you will ALWAYS fail in relationships.
    There is something really wrong with you.
    Nobody wants you.

    It was horrible.
    I feel a little better now.



  27.  #27Simply Shannon on May 23, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    Subscribing for now. Very interested in this post but not much time to discuss or consider it right now. Gotta work. Blech.



  28.  #28Simply Shannon on May 23, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Lucy: Just saw you posted ahead of me. Sending hugs. (((HUGS))) So sorry the NVs have gotten hold of you.



  29.  #29Tina on May 23, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    I spent a lovely weekend with truckman, he was really cool EXCEPT when the coffee waiter flirted with me OUTRAGOUSLY in front of him! I’ve been sortof *wink flirting with waiter guy – he was harmless and great practice but I couldnt believe it either lol – Hey, I was practicing circular dating. We had two “agruments” about it later but it was nothing really, I did a really good job at handling my feelings. Twice I had to walk away from him, but he did a good job at handling himself too. He called waiter guy a dweeb. I didnt feel that truckman was putting it on me, his feelings I mean, just he interesting to watch and listen to him go through his process that yes, there are men on the planet that will flirt with her in front of my face, the situation really messed him up he said, because this was the last thing he expected from another man. We went swimming later.

    What I found also interesting is this, he was at a complete loss when I didnt lean forward to “take care” of his feelings, he really doesnt know what to do, I know exactly was is happening but I feel like I have to watch the poor bastard lol – that was mean lol but yeah. He would say ” I am stressed” and then hug me and I wouldnt say anything back maybe an Oh, then I would breathe so I catch myself feeling the energy to lean forward, then not do it, just not do it, this sounds so simple but I could feel myself fighting with myself to stay leaned back. I could feel his energy wanting to pull/suck me in to lean forward, at some point on our weekend , we went to a small cliff and I meditated for a few minutes, I said I feel very relaxed and mediative when I hear the breath rushing through the leaves, I feel calm. He did ask what I was doing first and I told him this. He then said he wasnt feeling relaxed so I told him well I could push you over the cliff and you will land in the water, how’s that? he laughed, we laughed, wrestled sorta, then the tension was gone. I guess I did lean forward with the “I’ll push you over the cliff” but I felt like saying that part, like blurted it out. All over the dweeby waiter guy. That was the first time I could see his jealousy. I was wondering what I should do about waiter guy, should I continue to circular date the WORLD or say hey waiter guy, you have no idea how close you came to being toast?!



  30.  #30Daria on May 23, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    I ate all vegetable but kinda oily food then i felt awful and tired. I did Donna Eden’s 5 min energy after getting pist for awhile, my inner and outer legs were sore, small and big intestines.

    Then i felt MUCH better

    then i did EFT surrogate using Anisa Aven’s videos for my situation with my girl sister I felt surprised how much better I feel now! ha. Surrogate EFT with Anisa Aven especially feels easy to do, it feels like there’s much less mental resistance – probably cuz the person doesnt know youre doing it HA

    Then i did A MEGA out loud round on myself after Anisa’s style and I FEEL GREAT

    I feel so tall and

    then i spontaneously started singing loud these big opera sounds for like 15 minutes I feel so straight backed and powerful Goddess strong in my spirit right now I feel QUEEN



  31.  #31Turtle Girl on May 23, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Lucy-
    I really appreciate your comments and perspective.
    And I get what you are saying. However, HE found my new ad because he was looking at ads!!!! So HE was also looking at ads from women! So, still I say, what is up with that kind of thing?

    I had another cd coffee meeting today and I asked the guy about this. He said: ” men are screwed up. It is all about the vagina and when they buy you a drink or whatever they think they own you and you owe them something”. To which I said-you have GOT to be kidding me. Men really think like that? He assured me they do-he works around a bunch of men all day. He said he thought it was really stupid, but guys really do think that way. Wow…….

    So now-I am really a mess-any new guy I meet is gonna get upset if they see an ad from me on CL?
    What bullshit. I will have to stop putting up ads or else the guy will not call me back? Oh lord, I have entered the land of total crazy making behavior.



  32.  #32Daria on May 23, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    Turtle Girl –

    LOL!

    I look at it as a GOOD thing! They get jealous! HAHA! This is great and I can take it as a compliment

    now as far as taking it out on me… I’m cool with him sharing how he feels about it (uhoh just realized I’d better practice on not getting drawn into philosophical discussions about it with them)

    but I do NOT want to be attacked, or feel bad, etc

    a GREAT way see how a man steps up … or falls off

    BTW Daria… Security Man … FAIL … on that one



  33.  #33Daria on May 23, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    I feel lonely.

    I’ve had no man phone calls today.

    Oh.

    This is a good thing my mind just thought!

    Wow ok. Yes it is. I will wash my hair then.



  34.  #34Laughing goddess on May 23, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    Raw Almond Hummus

    2 c almonds – soak for 12-15 hrs, then peel skins
    1 c white sesame seeds – soak for 4 hrs, rinse well
    5 TBSP lemon juice
    1 clove garlic
    1/2 c water
    2 TBSP cumin
    1 tsp salt

    Blend until smooth. Tastes best if chilled in the fridge for a few hours.

    Serve with butter lettuce or pita wraps

    Raw Tabouli

    2 tomatoes
    2 c parsley
    1 cucumber
    olive oil
    sea salt
    lemon juice

    dice veggies, mix in bowl

    And serve with feta cheese and diced black olives



  35.  #35Laughing goddess on May 23, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    Daria: I posted the above recipe for you after seeing that you wanted to eat some almonds. My friends made this for me tonight and it was amazing!

    We used lettuce butter as a wrap, spread the raw hummus in it, then the raw tabouli, then topped with raw feta and black almonds. It was sooooo fresh and yummy and healthy tasting.



  36.  #36Ankita on May 23, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    Turtle Girl

    You know how I feel when guys do react like this??
    I feel like bashing them with broomstick, kicking them hard on their b***, so hard that they never try to ever ask the same question again to anyone else ever, like saying you gonna meet and date thousands of women, and if we see even a single guy other than you, we are bad…!! You think you must be the only one on our list and life, and yet we would mean nothing to you.

    I wish we could react like that, but perhaps it would add to worse. 🙁

    And yes, they truly feel that sex is everywhere. In fact, perhaps it’s. The prostitutes, strippers, even gf’s, who are willing to do anything with them just to make them like her, and commit to her.

    And that’s why they have developed this attitude that they shouldn’t compete for women, women should compete for them..

    I recall a personal experience here…
    1 of the guys I was dating once, was desperate for sex, and I was keen on getting to know him better, before having sex. He asked me once, “If in spite of having a gf, if a guy goes to another girl, it surely means naa that his gf has some problem?”
    I replied, “Not necessarily. He may even have wandering eye.”
    And he was speechless.

    He even said to me once, “If you don’t fuck me , I am gonna go to the hworehouse to get fucked?”
    I asked, “How much will you pay there?”
    He, “Rs.5000- Rs. 10000 ($109- $217, in dollars.)
    I said, “Give the same amount of money to me.”

    He sounded surprised and asked why. I said, “I am gonna give this money to some other guy or worse to someone close to a male whore.” (P.S, I said it just to make him feel worse, else am not the kind of girl to go anywhere even near to these places.)
    He went angry and asked why the heck I wanna do this.
    I said, “Why the heck do you wanna do this.? Just because you are a guy, you can do anything? And just bcoz we are a girl, does that mean we should keep tolerating anything and everything? If you have a wandering eye, are we to blame for your character?”
    He was speechless, but then said, “Yes you are right. We won’t tolerate if you do anything like this.”
    I replied, “Expext the same from me.”

    Even after that, one day after his exams got over, he went to a prostitute and made her call me posing as his another gf, just wanting to make me fee insecure and running onto him. But I could see through whole plan and it was the end. I wasn’t going to tolerate this guy, who did go where I don’t wished him to. He even contacted me 4-5 times after that incident, but I didn’t talk to him. I didn’t intend to make my case worse than already it was.

    And what your dad said was seriously awful to hear, at least for a daughter. I feel like, “Yuck..”

    And ya, you are right when you said that oven he was looking at the ad from females, that’s why he got yours, why you don’t bring it up to him, when he mentions about yours? Why you don’t turn the tables?



  37.  #37Laughing goddess on May 23, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    A dish fit for a goddes queen!



  38.  #38Ankita on May 23, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    Aaahhhh

    It’s 11 AM here. In 2-3 hours,am gonna step out of my home to buy shoes and also meet a friend. He is just a friend of mine, who knows all about my dating guys, my studies, reports, etc.

    He isn’t physically attractive at all, and is going through hair loss problem. Though he isn’t my date or anything like that, still I feel crappy about meeting him. He is such a good human being, has helped me all the way, has supported me when I broke down, and I feel guilty for feeling this way for him. I feel like I am not showing him any gratitude or respecting him.. Uhhh… This feels so disrespecting of me….

    I just hope I carry it all well when I meet him. I respect him so much, but he hardly appeals to me physically. And I find it really hard to stick around guys for a while, whom I don’t find attractive.

    I feel bad for feeling for him this way. He is such a good and simple, down-to-earth, humble guy. Uhhh…..



  39.  #39Laughing goddess on May 23, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    I’m feeling better about the other guy. I feel good about letting go of my desire to see what it would be like being with text guy. My universal lover is presenting himself as my LI right now. I feel happy with the way he treats me. I feel satisfied. I feel surrendered to how he is showing up.

    I feel bored with my old pattern of going after the unavailable men. I used to think that love meant yearning and aching for someone. I feel content with appreciating what I have. I feel trusting that if it’s meant to be with the other guy, it will become obvious. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the man that is right in front of me.

    That feels good.



  40.  #40Tina on May 23, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    Daria, Im just be plain nosy, what happened to security guy?



  41.  #41Daria on May 24, 2010 at 12:13 am

    Tina –

    oh remember he had like stopped calling and was texting, and then one time expected me to be free last minute…

    anyway

    i told him in one of my texts that i dont like being treated casually and that i like him the most out of all the men im dating

    so after that he kina flipped and called me a ripper which is a word for slut etc and said he loved me and why couldnt i be faithful etc

    i think he was cheated on in the past or brokenhearted i dono cuz even when i first talked to him online he said something about no i dont want to get my heart broken again etc

    well anyway he said he wants to be with me forever and to give him 3 years and he bets i will falll in love with him etc

    well i said i dont want to be exclusive until marriage

    he also knows i dont want to drive, but I HAD BEEN

    so a few days after that he texted me that he still cares about me and knows i have issues with my family and hopes im ok

    i said i am in feeling messages etc

    since then he hasnt texted

    im assuming he’s working on getting a car and stuff before getting back to me…

    just about 30 minutes ago i had for the first time kicked him out my horse like hold on

    i dont want a man that EVER calls me a ripper… i dont care that yuo love me so much and thats why you’re upset (his words)

    just like i dont want a godsister who calls me a bitch and threatens me

    jeez no wonder people get divorced. im ready to divorce my godsister right now even tho shes reaching out to me now… but UMM

    im doing MY CLASSIC defense which is shut down say nothing

    im just thinking thinking thinking at least once a minute about it and

    not able to call her back

    cuz

    i dont know

    grr

    i feel frustrated with myself and i love myself’

    meanwhile im imagining shes feeling pist and dissed that im not calling her back after i sounded all normal on the phone and told her I DO want to talk to her

    umm

    i feel ashamaed

    i love my shame

    and still that bitch is outta pocket for calling ME a bitch and threatening me

    that shit HURT ME. like it HURT ME A LOT and fuckin made me PHYISICALLY SICK from it which set back my healing

    BITCH

    im mad!

    i dont want to be gotten at like im a suka cuz youre mad

    i dont want to put up with abuse

    bitch

    ugh!

    last time was the LAST time

    so this time

    i dono wat to do say wat

    help?

    intuition? Inspiration?



  42.  #42Daria on May 24, 2010 at 12:21 am

    Thanks LG – that hummus sounds yummy! Im gonna make that when i get white sesame seed



  43.  #43Daria on May 24, 2010 at 12:25 am

    LG –

    why don’t you want to marry?

    I feel triggered by this… is it because you feel afraid to ?

    I used to not believe this was possible for me so I would say I don’t want to be married… but I don’t see a reason other than fear of intimacy to not be married… and now I that I believe I can have what I want… I DO want to marry

    I feel concerned

    and curious



  44.  #44Ankita on May 24, 2010 at 4:37 am

    I just came back….

    My shoe… My mom forced me to take tight shoes… Ughhhh.. My feet is still paining…

    But the good thing was, the guy I met, gave me a beautiful sketch of mine… With best wishes on it…. It was so lovely… Though he is just a friend, I take him as a brother, but the sketch did really touch me..

    I hope, I get the same sometimes in future by the one I desire…!! 🙂



  45.  #45Alicia on May 24, 2010 at 5:35 am

    Higher Awareness – (sitting in my inbox today)

    *********Feel your emotions************

    “The key is to not resist or rebel against emotions or to try to get around them by devising all sorts of tricks; but to accept them directly, as they are.”

    — Takahisa Kora

    Emotions are energy in motion. They bring us information if we are willing to experience them. Unfortunately, many of us are afraid of the energy of emotions and so we automatically resist them. And when we refuse to experience our emotions, we block them up. They become trapped and that entrapment drains our energy and brings continuing discomfort.

    Don’t let emotions push you into action or reaction. Just STOP and PAY ATTENTION. Allow them to be and to speak to you. Once they are acknowledged, their energy is released.

    “Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance.”

    — Deepak Chopra

    “We have to become more conscious of our feeling-world. By learning to identify the ‘emotional baggage’ and manage our feeling-world reactions, we can view life based on current information instead of being held captive by our past.”

    — Doc Childre

    “Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.”

    — Audre Lorde



  46.  #46Alicia on May 24, 2010 at 6:12 am

    Lucy –

    I call this the “scribble” tool.. in the middle of feelings that come flying up.. I grab a pen and jot scribble them down, then proceed.. You could even do this while he is talking or “come right back” after you excuse yourself for a minute…

    I caught glimpse of the post about your ex..

    You know what.. In the heat of the moment when the emotions are coming up like a volcano.. I know how hard it can be center to yourself and just feel..

    This may or may not help… But, it helped me so I’ll share and this can done when your on the phone or in person.. you can excuse yourself for a second and be right back..

    I had an encounter this weekend at a salon… Where the guy took my card and charged me 225.00 for something that is typically 100.00 bucks or less. Anyway, being in shock I felt my heart flop on the ground.. and then I didn’t know what to say in the 15 second communication exchange.. and another client in the room.

    I went to my car, grabbed a pen.. wrote on any paper I could find, my feelings.. – I feel shock, I feel angry, I feel totally disappointed… and etc etc..

    Then I was centered enough to place a call to him.. (allowing me to keep my vocal cords attached becuased I want to shout it from the roof top that this was highway robbery for some partial highlights.)

    I felt ridicuolous having this coversation and embarrased that I assumed a partial highlight would be around the same amount I have paid at the top salons.. No where near 225.00 for a partial!

    But, I let him know I felt good about his work, and I would like to keep this professional relationship. At the same time I feel shocked, that this price wasn’t listed or discussed or disclosed earlier… I feel very disappointed that this is double the normal amount. l would feel better in the future knowing this information at the beginning of a service..

    Then I made a call to bank and disputed the charge after I got no return phone call 🙂 🙂

    And I then proceeded to leave my review of my experience with him across the internet only to find that other people had rated their experience of him much like mine and had given him one star. I was fair in my review used feeling and stated facts, also stating I gave him an opportunity as a professional to call me back which I felt disappointed he didn’t do…

    I’m just saying…… Grabbing a pen, and a little peice of paper will anchor you right away… (That was just a little professional 1 time relationship.)

    Obviously the convo with your ex, I can only imagine… I would have been scribbling all over the place but, it was a very quick way to experiment staying focused on my feelings and not just reacting)

    Hope you are feeling better – HUGS-

    And it’s not to late to let him know in the future.. talking about other women he was with maked you feel ick.. You are in the process of forgiving and it’s in the past.. so I would feel better keeping it out of the present and future.. 🙂



  47.  #47Alicia on May 24, 2010 at 6:35 am

    This was schocking!!!! Triggered my anger dont read it if you dont want to feel it.. haha

    There was a party for my sister at our house.. One of her guest… got wasted and then called a table of guys gay, women brainless, looked at me and said terrible things about women and how our I.Q. was on the verge on mental retardation and he would kill his mother.. Every guy wanted to knock him out.. I looked at him.. and thought “put up the mirror” this is about him… dont take it in.. But, he kept going and going and saying he was just making people think and debate.. and how women didnt have certain rights even just 35 years ago and we shouldnt be allowed to vote and then slamming all the guys calling them gay and making fun of their accent (some where from over sea’s) and then he slipped and said something about getting laid and (pause) that was the problem..

    I couldn’t help but laugh and I said it.. “There you just said it.. that’s your problem” Finally I said… Look I feel angry! I feel tense! And I don’t want a buzz a kill… this was a nice party and now I feel drained… and P.S…………………. A WOMEN IS THE ONLY ENTRANCE INTO THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    SO, Have some respect and please leave~!

    I dont know what it has been with the past week but my shock and anger has been triggered alot.. also like small doses of trauma, I felt when I was younger.. Like my blood boils in ten seconds.. but, back then I stuffed it, and felt sad… now my anger is coming up and I have to little ozze a little and not blow the top off..

    So, Ladies honestly if you are ever doubting you self worth and feeling “little” around a man.. Do remember……. It’s an amazing thing to be a woman!



  48.  #48Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 6:51 am

    Daria re: your question about why I don’t want to get married.

    I don’t feel exactly sure why I don’t want to get married. I want many of the qualities of being married such as living together, making a life together, possibly having kids together. It the lifelong commitment that I’m not sure of. I just feel uncertain that I would be able to make that kind of commitment. And if I do feel ready to move on, I don’t want to have to get approval and pay the government to do so.

    I feel afraid to say more because I don’t want to trigger people. These are just my own feelings and I feel respectful and understanding that others may feel differently.

    I actually feel a physical uncomfortableness when I even think of the word marriage. It may be coming from fear also. I remember being a young girl, maybe 8 or so, and pronouncing that I would never get married because I saw how much it messed people up. I never had a role model for what a great relationship would look like.

    Also, there may be an astrological aspect. I’ve been told before that because my Venus is in Gemini, I may prefer to have several long term relationships over my lifetime which I do resonate with.

    I want to be with someone long term but I don’t want to lose myself from it and I don’t want the government to be regulate my love life, and if I feel like I have outgrown a relationship, I want to be able to move on freely.

    It definitely feels like there is room for me to explore this further and it also feels like there may be some fear or limiting beliefs at play but I also feel open to the possibility that I may be one of those people, like Goldie Hawn and her lover, who enjoys a long term relationship without ever getting officially married.



  49.  #49Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 7:09 am

    I feel okay with not wanting to get married but maybe it would feel helpful to clarify exactly what I do want so that I know what it looks like when a guy claims me. Since I’m not looking for the ring and proposal, what do I want?

    LI says he is ready to do all the things I want, live together, be open to having children, be exclusive, and treat me like a goddess. I have no doubt that he is a good man. He has always treated me with complete adoration and respect. He is one of those guys that genuinely wants to settle down and have a relationship.

    It’s the question of exclusivity that confuses me. Since I’m not waiting for a proposal, how do I know that he is stepping up to claim me?

    Feeling a bit confused. He’s more ready than me. I still have curiousity about what it would be like with other men even though I feel great about him. Sometimes I just wonder if I would feel even better with someone else. Is that a normal question? I’m wondering if at some point one just has to let those curiosities go and be content with what they have. I’m scared that I will mess up a good thing by following my old patterns of wanting to be with someone who is unavailable. This pattern is definitely coming up for me. I think I equate feeling attracted to someone I can’t have a love. I feel a bit confused and uncomfortable with being with a man who is totally in to me. I am recognizing this pattern and not fully reacting to it…just watching it for now.

    There is definitely a part of me that feels more safe with an imaginary relationship vs. a real one.



  50.  #50Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 7:11 am

    “stepping up to claim me” feels weird. Is there another way to say that?



  51.  #51Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 7:15 am

    Hey Alicia. I feel excited about your cathartic week. It feels healing to me that this anger is coming up so you can express and process it. I imagine it might feel draining and exhausting as well. I feel certain that it will pass. I feel proud of you for saying what you did to the man. I sending a virtual hug to you!



  52.  #52Cinnamon on May 24, 2010 at 8:11 am

    I feel sad and lost and I’m struggling to decide which of rori’s tools to use when in a relationship that has lost its way. Wondered if you wonderful sirens have any thoughts? I have reconnect and have been using the tools on my LI. We have been together 8 months and the first 4 were perfect. Definitely not imaginary- he was thoughtful and adoring and treated me like a goddess.

    Then he backed way off. I was using reconnect to let go of my anger and used feeling messages to say I felt scared of falling into a friend with benefit relationship which he asured me was not what he wanted at all. Then just had an awful weekend and rori’s latest newsletter about friends with benefits has made me panic that I’m using the wrong tools.

    He had made plans with me in advance to come round to mine and cook for me in Friday and then planned a really lovely walk for sun around my favourite waterfalls. But then in the whole time he spent with me there was no kisses, little affection. He slept in my bed with only a bit of a cuddle before sleep. I feel sad and unloved and unsexy. Yuck!

    So rori’s newsletter says I have to say to him that I feel bad carrying on seeing him just as a friend and then cut him out of my life. Wheras reconnect says to let go of your anger and let him come to you. Let him baby step his way back.

    Which do I do?? I’m cding but this LI is the one my heart wants to step up.



  53.  #53dorothea on May 24, 2010 at 9:46 am

    I feel so bad and confused and maybe one of you could help me.

    I recently started exposing my good friend of 6-7 years to Rori’s stuff. She REALLY needs it because she is an overfunctioner and a crumb taker who has yet to find healthy romantic happiness in her life. What I suggested (especially the goodnight phone stuff) has worked great for her. But other stuff, like circular dating and using feeling messages as much as possible, rubs her the wrong way and she resists it.

    Well, she was talking to our mutual guy friend about how I have been giving her dating advice and she thinks it’s bad advice, but it works for me and i’m “so ugly” so she doesn’t understand how i am being treated so great using this bad advice.

    she also has been calling me stuck up. but what gets me is the part about referring to me as “so ugly.” i don’t ever even THINK about my best girl friends as ugly. In my eyes they are all beautiful. I feel so hurt and upset that she thinks of me this way. I know it is jealousy that I have a great love life and have come from nothing to having a degree and great jobs, and she has witnessed it all, but I feel so hurt that she talks to other people like this about me, or that she even thinks this way about me in the first place. Why call me all the time to chat and be friendly if you just really think I am ugly and stuck up?

    What do I do with this? I feel angry and judgmental back toward her like “I’M ugly and stuck up? LOOK AT YOU, LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR FLABBY BELLY AND YOUR SHIT LOVE LIFE AND PATHETIC FINANCES AND PARENTING SKILLS” If i were really stuck up, I wouldn’t be her friend HAHH.

    URGH help, i feel unsettled. it’s been a few days and I still feel nasty inside about this. She keeps calling but I am ignoring her calls. I don’t want to talk to her.



  54.  #54dorothea on May 24, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Cinnamon,
    You lean way back, and you are open and receiving when he does come to you. You need tools to help you lean back, more than anything. Modern Siren stuff.



  55.  #55Siena on May 24, 2010 at 9:56 am

    I hate the word, “whining” when it comes to men. I know that Rori chooses her words very carefully, and so this choice was on purpose.

    It feels TOTALLY ick.

    I would like to think that I won’t ever be with a man who whines.

    He may be angry that I am dating other guys… but if he whines about it? Ya… he’s not the one for me!



  56.  #56Siena on May 24, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Dorothea – wow, she’s totally jealous of you, isn’t she!?

    This is your good friend?

    Since she’s a good friend, how would it feel to write her a card and tell her how hurt you are, and give her a chance to apologize and make it right?

    But you may want to explore the possibility that you may have outgrown this friendship.

    Perhaps she was a good friend when you were both in the same overfunctioning/leaning forward/non-Siren boat. Perhaps it’s time to find new friends.

    That’s one of the side effects of finding Siren Island – you may realize that the friends you have don’t want to change, and that they are holding you back in your growth.

    I found this to be true, and it’s a lonely place to be. But the alternative is that I stay stuck, which is not really acceptable to me.

    Love and hugs! Siena



  57.  #57Siena on May 24, 2010 at 10:17 am

    hi Cinnamon,

    When you say you are “in a relationship”, is it a committed one? As in – is marriage on the table or are you engaged?

    Unless you are, then – yes, this is an imaginary relationship. Not in the sense that he’s not real – but in the sense that the relationship is JUST dating, and not a committed relationship.

    Rori says that men see those 2 things very differently than we do.

    You don’t have to break up with him, but it sounds like it may be time to start seeing other guys in addition to him.

    Rori talks about walking away ONLY if you absolutely cannot see other guys while dating him. If you can date multiple men and him right now, then do it! If you can’t… then, yes – it may be time to walk away from him until you are able to date him AND other men. (and you can’t fake this, it has to be that you’re REALLY dating and being open and available to other men.)

    You don’t have to make a big deal out of it with him – just start dating. (Unless he’s asked you to be exclusive, in which case you should tell him that you don’t want to be exclusive anymore.)

    No matter who he is, definitely heal the anger and let him come to you. That’s true with ALL men in the world – not just this guy.

    Love, Siena



  58.  #58Siena on May 24, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Okay, “male energy Siena” has left the building.

    I’m feeling good this morning! I’m feeling healed. I removed all my post-it notes that were reminders of healing that I needed to do, and replaced them with a single post-it note that reads, “I am ready.”

    I AM ready! I FEEL ready!

    I feel good because I feel like I turned a corner this weekend. Sat night and Sunday morning were really dark, but I was able to move through those, and now I feel really ready!

    Yay! “Ready” is an incredible feeling.

    My new mantra is “I am open and available.”

    Bring it on!

    (Yay!)



  59.  #59dorothea on May 24, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Siena, I feel touched by you taking the time to respond. Thank you, girl!

    I am one of those people who knows people change and transform. And I am OK with this and I love to see how people change and stay right by them the whole time.

    Most people in my life, however, have been what we call “haters.” The more I succeed, the more I gain, the more I accomplish, the more hateful they get. I become “annoying” to them. Oh wellllllz. Go ‘head and hate on me, haters…I will achieve all my wildest dreams.

    But it is pretty hilarious how even my most supportive friends will question me when I make big moves, especially political ones for my job. Like, “why would you do that? why would you put yourself out there like that?” This happened when I proposed a statewide ballot initiative this year. They say they are worried for me getting public exposure but I believe it is a little more than that…it is a jealousy that they can’t quite put their finger on.

    It feels awful and I wish it weren’t so.



  60.  #60Daria on May 24, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Ok so I still havent gotten back to my Godsister since she called me and asked me had I called her babydaddy – yes i said i did (duh). I DID talk to her mom the day before though and I told her I told him she was drinking because I was scared for her life . She said what can he do? i said i dono, but thats the only other person I know that loves her so I did what i could. Her mom said she is not regularly drinking. yay.

    So apparently her babydaddy had called her a slut and etc, for dating other men (and drinking). i didnt know this, explains why she was so worked up when she called and ATTACKED AND THREATENED ME!

    but still

    I DO NOT WANT THIS TREATMENT IN MY LIFE (my parents have done it before, I am practicing not allowing it at all – my parents are treating me well now!)

    well she called me and said why havent i been taking her calls … i said what calls? huh? i sounded normal – i felt ina good mood but i was surprised at how i sounded still… anyway she said yeah you called my babydaddy – i said um yes. im watchin a movie i will call you back after cuz i do want to talk to u

    so the movie turned out long, she texted me “call me when you can”

    (nice right)

    Anyway I haven’t called!

    I spent 2 days feeling AFRAID that now she will be mad I haven’t called. And also ANGRY. Right now I feel angry with squeezed thighs and fast beating heart.

    ther was a message from her moms phone (its her moms birthday today, i thought it was friday and said happy birthday then)… an

    accidental message and i could hear her babydaddy in the background – guess hes over there! haha! lol at circular dating bringing him in

    I feel happy about thaht

    and I still feel FURIOUS at her and DONT WANT TO BE TREATED THIS WAY

    And i feel guilty for not calling her back or (perhaps) not calling her mom today for her actual bday

    and i feel judgemental of myself for going into my stuck quiet mode which i do when i feel very angry!

    help!

    I don’t want to get stuck in quiet mode! I feel like im just stewing around with lava angerin my thighs tummy and chest

    and i feel worried it will make me sick (AGAIN) it already made me sick a few days ago – ran a big fever



  61.  #61Jules on May 24, 2010 at 10:28 am

    I’m new to this blog, I guess you all know! lol! I have read a few things and I think that this could really help me. I have major trust issues with friends and guys. I have on two seperate occasions had a friend and a boyfriend cheat on me with each other. Only to find out later that all of my other friends knew about it. I have a new group of girlfriends and have met a new guy that seems really interested. I have started talking to him and one of my girl friends has interferred continuously. She says she is trying to “help” me out. Am I just being paranoid or should i say something to her? She knows about my past and knows that I’m afraid, yet she continually insists on “helping” me. Any advice?



  62.  #62Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 10:32 am

    I recently had some experience with this. I started dating recently, but there always seems to be one guy I’m more interested in that any of the rest. I’m trying to stay open and just keep doing what I’m doing until somebody steps up, but one guy I went out with got very confrontational (he’s the second one in about as many months). How does one handle this?
    I’m going to send Rori a question, because it was very disturbing, but has anyone else had this problem? Where a guy is just totally confrontational and borderline insulting when he finds out he’s not the only one you’re going on dates with?



  63.  #63Daria on May 24, 2010 at 10:32 am

    What do i WANT to do?

    I want to call her and feeling powerful and free say. I FEEL really angry at you. I really care for you and I love myself. I do NOT want to be spoken to like im a sucker. I do not want to tolerate that in my life.

    I don’t want to tell you what to do and who to be, and you have a right to speak to anyone how you want to. And I still don’t want to tolerate been spoken to badly – AT ALL. Do you think this can work out? Like… for real?

    But I don’t feel all that powerful and free

    I feel tightened up and in quiet mode, where I can be vulnerable or else Lose It



  64.  #64Daria on May 24, 2010 at 10:35 am

    what would that feel like?

    that woudl feel like a nice (cloudy today ) hehe day… of feeling relaxed, feeling the air on my skin, feeling the throb of the earth coming up strong through my legs and into my pelvis… and like speaking to my sister in an easy communicating way

    like feeling my back straight

    and my heart Powerful and open

    my chest loose and calm

    my stomach relaxed



  65.  #65tinque on May 24, 2010 at 10:40 am

    Mary – “I can’t get my head around sex is just sex.”
    You don’t have to. This applies only to women who can handle having no strings attached sex, and most of us can’t Most of us become emotionally attached very quickly if not right away after the first time we have sex with a man. For most of us sex is special if not sacred. To make ourselves that vulnerable as to allowing another being inside our bodies is a deeply intimate act.
    xxoo



  66.  #66tinque on May 24, 2010 at 10:44 am

    dorothea – Siena already said it, but I’ll chime in anyway. It’s difficult seeing another person grow and blossom right before your eyes when from your perspective, you stay the same, stuck.
    It is jealousy yes, but I believe it goes far deeper than that. It strikes a chord of fear inside; it brings up unresolved insecurities.
    I don’t think any of them hate you. They feel inadequate in the face of your successes. And as Siena said, as you grow, the ones who don’t or won’t grow too, will fade out of your life, or you will phase them out yourself.
    And people more aligned with the “new” you will appear.
    xxoo



  67.  #67Daria on May 24, 2010 at 10:45 am

    Hey maybe even those women who have sex with no strings attached think sex is sacred and intimate. What do you think?

    I think so. I feel very protective of my sacred sex.

    Most of us do get attached but that doesn’t change that Sex is Sex

    and Relationship is Relationship.



  68.  #68tinque on May 24, 2010 at 11:01 am

    I don’t know Daria.
    I am open to believing anything is possible.
    In my experience though, personally and the women with whom I work, sex feels far more special and sacred with a beloved. There’s an opening of self that happens which I believe cannot happen fully without this kind of deep connection.
    Sex without this would feel the vast majority of the time at best empty and at worst icky.
    I can believe there are exceptions. There may be times when casual sex can feel amazing. There may be women who can do this, but I would say they would be a very small group.
    I do believe you are very protective of your sacred sex. I have no doubt about it at all. But I also believe that when you have sex with your “the one” the depths and heights sex will take you will be like nothing you have ever before experienced. And the deeper you become with him, the more intense will your sexual interaction become.
    xxoo



  69.  #69Daria on May 24, 2010 at 11:04 am

    well im not saying sex with someone i feel close to wouldn’t feel more amazing than other sex.

    what im saying is sex is sex… and it feels good and amazing as it is. because its part of me

    and im a Goddess

    and it feels nothing like empty or icky.

    it feels like sex

    i embrace it as it is feeling a little or a lot

    “sex with a beloved” feels amazing because of the love intensity,

    not because of sex itself

    the more intense love the more intense sex would feel



  70.  #70tinque on May 24, 2010 at 11:29 am

    If you can have amazing sex just because it’s sex, and sex feels good, then I think that’s amazing and wonderful Daria.
    I’m saying that most women can’t do this. Most women cannot separate the emotional connection or lack thereof from the act itself. It becomes something other than a good feeling experience.
    That’s all.
    xxoo



  71.  #71Rori Raye on May 24, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Jules, Welcome – and STAY AWAY from this girl!!!! Tell her straight out you love her and appreciate her wanting to help, but it’s making you not want to be with her. Then fiollow through and cut her out of your life if you don’t feel good around her. If you DO feel good around her – and it’s just this issue – then make it clear what you don’t want (just as if she were a man) and stick to your guns. She’s showed up this way for you to practice with…Love, Rori



  72.  #72Rori Raye on May 24, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Sweetpea, Welcome – and this is what Targeting Mr. Right is all about – the Diva creed and how to make that happen for yourself. Love, Rori



  73.  #73Rori Raye on May 24, 2010 at 11:50 am

    cinnamon – the cure for you here is Circular Dating and getting your focus OFF of this one man. When a man pulls away sexually – it’s usually a clue that he 1. Has a low sex drive 2. Is angry 3. Wants to break it off with you and doesn’t know how 4. Feels emotionally unsafe or overnurtured by you – or all 4. Love, Rori



  74.  #74Rori Raye on May 24, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Alicia, Love this! Rori



  75.  #75Rori Raye on May 24, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Jennifer – oh, I so want to hug you!!! Listen – I know this is hard to compute…but this situation is out of your control. And trying to control it is what’s causing you pain. and doing this with your father is what you’re repeating with men – and is causing you pain. See what would happen if you thought that you’d be fine, happy, wonderful, powerful, great and happy – even if your dad did everything wrong? That you are fine no matter what? That it’s the thought that you are NOT okay that’s causing you to not be okay? I know this is different – but see how it works for you…Love, Rori



  76.  #76Siena on May 24, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    oh, this feels good! One of my CDs didn’t ask me out for this weekend. I had another date, so I didn’t sweat it – didn’t even THINK about it. And I like this guy!

    But I didn’t try to analyze it, wonder why he didn’t ask me out, make time for me… etc etc etc. He DID ask me out for next weekend, and I just got this email from him:

    “Do I really have to wait until Saturday to see you?.. or can I take you out to dinner sometime this week?”

    That feels good – I never told him I would only see him on the weekends… he’s missing me! Yay!

    This message is – it feels good to feel desired, and to not have to work AT ALL for it!



  77.  #77Tina on May 24, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    dorothea, remember that she is angry at herself, when she lashes out at you behind your back. I would feel so hurt if my best friend called me ugly, especially since you gave her advice. You helped me a lot when you wrote about not resisting my feelings and staying open and leaned back ugh! that was how I was feeling this weekend. I struggles with staying open and leaned back without shutting down, it really is easier said than done. I dont know if he noticed , but while he was talking , his voice changed , his TONE ugh! I could feel my anger starting to bubble up inside of me, I said to myself, I could just tell him to fck off and go home, fuck him blah. i dont like feeling this way , I sat at my computer chair and rolled away instead, to make a cup of decaf coffee. He got pissed because he said it was deliberate, I said yes, it was, I feel sucked in and I dont want to agrue with you. He is difficult for sure, I wouldnt say he was toxic or a boy , just difficult.



  78.  #78Siena on May 24, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    I can feel everything falling into place for me. It feels wonderful… I am the first domino… yay!



  79.  #79mary on May 24, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    hmmmm…

    just reading the comments about sex.

    thank you, tinque! and thank you, daria!

    i’m just trying to make a good decision here. i’m not viewing dating as a lifestyle. i want to date in order to fnd a mate. that’s it.

    sex is so wonderful and it feels so good to me that it clouds my judgment. alcohol does the same thing.

    maybe better for me to wait on these things until i’ve found what i’m looking for? i do want all my faculties to help me find The One for me.

    and i also want to avoid some heartache, if possible. that’s why i love Rori’s circular dating idea. it’s something i thought about and was trying to do before i heard about Rori, and when i heard it, it just solidified the idea in my mind. it seemed like it would work.

    i know that i’ll have to make some hard decisions about sex very soon, so it’s continually on my mind, and i’m trying to sort through my religious beliefs (from way back when), what i think is reasonable and practical, what i want to do and what will give me the best result.

    i’m not really sure at this point what i’ll decide! i’m interested in everyone’s views about it.



  80.  #80Jules on May 24, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    thank you Rori! It helps to know that it’s not just me being paranoid. I think I am going to tell her that I would really appreciate it if she let me handle this, even though I appreciate her help, I think it would be good for me to do this for myself. And then take a break from her. She offers him rides to come to parties, b/c she knows I will be there and chats with him on facebook and stuff. I don’t want to be the jealous type I just would like for someone to be loyal to me. I recently found out that they have been texting each other as well. Doesn’t sound promising. Thanks again for the advise. I’ll let you know what happens.



  81.  #81mary on May 24, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Siena,

    Way to go, girl! I’m happy for you.



  82.  #82mary on May 24, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    does anybody understand my island man?

    help!

    1. we met
    2. he came over about a month after that and we spent Saturday together
    3. he came over last Saturday (a week ago)
    4. and this Saturday he came into town and called me when he was here. i didn’t take the call because i was asleep.

    i haven’t responded back to him. i’m kindof upset that he didn’t make plans with me for last weekend.

    1. maybe he doesn’t want to appear too eager?
    2. maybe he’s expecting ME to be in touch with HIM, since he tried to call me?

    it doesn’t feel good to get in touch with him.
    it doesn’t feel good to wait.



  83.  #83Jules on May 24, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Siena, that is awesome! I hope to get to that point! Tinque, I have to agree with you, I use to think that I could have no strings attached sex b/c I was afraid to get to involved and get hurt, but I wanted to have sex, and feel desired. Then I fell so hard for this guy, who in all honesty only expected this to be sex. I didn’t even like him before, just was attracted to him. But something about the way he made me feel during sex, was to strong and I became addicted to him in a very bad way. It didn’t end well, but I have learned that 1. I can’t have sex with someone and feel nothing. 2. I want more. Now, he is upset b/c I have walked away from this fake relationship that I had with him and he wants to keep having sex. I can’t even be friends with him now. My advise would be to just be careful with this. Sometimes the one we lie to the most is ourselves!



  84.  #84Daria on May 24, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Tinque – I disagree that most women “can’t”.

    Most women are used to using a reason to justify sex because they are using hte beliefs that it has to be a realtionship.

    However, all humans CAN be truthful and honest, even about sex.

    And yes it can create an emotional connection. That’s cool. And sometimes that emotional connection can lead to relationship

    I guess the truth is that I feel annoyed by reading about

    not enjoying sex for sex.

    I get triggered
    “OH swoon i just CAN’T, for me, it’s just different, im just way to chaste delicate etc etc to be like these other women who enjoy sex…” (not sure where the words are but the voice says it)

    Sex is just NOT a relationship.

    Women are perfectly capable of enjoying it, even feleing the emotional connection it can create.

    And yes, of course it would feel great to have sex with a man that one is intensely in love with.

    And no, it’s not that casual and empty to have sex just for sex.

    We’ve seen women all over here and even this blog having sex. We’re all CAPABLE of sex and feeling enjoyment. We are also all capable of allowing ourselves pleasure… just takes the babysteps of facing the voices.

    Uff…

    I feel frustrated. I don’t feel like im expressing myself clearly.

    I disagree from experience, observation, and concept that most women can’t have sex and enjoy it unless they are with an intensely connected committed lover.

    We have so much sex with men who might turn out not to be that forever lover. WE might as well enjoy it.



  85.  #85Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Siena! Sounds like he’s feeling your shift in vibration! I’m so excited for you!



  86.  #86Daria on May 24, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    PS

    I am NOT saying that I think we should separate emotion from sex? wha?? i don’t know how we got to that.

    sex is sex including emotions



  87.  #87Tina on May 24, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    OH shit! I just thought of something, I have to go work for one day in the same community where my “husband” lives ugh!. Truckman at first said that , ok well, you can drive up that night to go to his place, I was ok with that, I felt like it :). He “truckman” has since changed his mind and said that he would come down and bring me lunch or whatever I wanted, so I felt ok with that lol. Oh shit, I will most definitely see “husband” guy tomorrow, the situation cant be helped. Im starting to feel anxious again, waiter guy, husband, truckman , I hope we all dotn meet up at the same time. This is the forth time , I’ve felt like having truckman spend the night, well the weekend, I’ve been circular dating the world well within a 50 mile radius of where I live 🙂 so truckman hasnt been really on my turf, this was the first time he has seen someone flirting with me so openly. The more time he spends here the more he will SEE oh crap! I was cool before because he wasnt around long enough, just to pick me up and stuff.



  88.  #88mary on May 24, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    okay.

    now i know what happened to island man.

    i just logged on to plenty of fish to check my mail and saw that he’s suddenly an IM user.

    so…

    that’s okay.

    he’s interested in someone else.

    i feel disappointed.

    hopes dashed.

    reframe.

    square one.

    again.

    now what?

    now who?

    wow.

    this is a roller coaster.



  89.  #89mary on May 24, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    so i’m just gonna take the things i really liked about him and incorporate them:

    * he’s one year older than me. i liked that! so i’m gonna love my age.

    * he’s very athletic. i’m working on that!

    * he knows a lot about music performers and genres. hey, i’m a musician. that should be easy for me to learn.

    * he’s into organic food. that appeals to me.

    * he’s flexible. giving the benefit of the doubt. understanding. – so am i! i think…

    so this was a good experience.

    and i can take it with me wherever i go.

    so that’s good.

    feelin’ better.



  90.  #90Tina on May 24, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Yes, daria, I agree, feeling good is an emotion 🙂



  91.  #91Siena on May 24, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Laughing Goddess… yes! I realized I was creating my own unhappiness and concentrated this weekend on shifting and releasing those thoughts that were unhappy. Working now to make it last!

    It also worked with my work! I won’t go into details, but 2 new exciting opportunities that have me feeling enthused came in today. I’m not kidding when I say I’ve been bored for months with my work.

    Yay!



  92.  #92mary on May 24, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    goodbye, island man.

    goodbye.

    i want a man who stops in his tracks and says, “Mary! oh Mary!” and thinks about me constantly and can’t stop himself from calling me and makes solid plans with me and keeps them. and surprises me.

    yes!

    there is a man like that out there.



  93.  #93Siena on May 24, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    Mary –

    (I say this lovingly) STOP!! STOP!! STOP!!

    You are making an assumption that he is interested in someone else. You made up a story in your head, and now you feel bad about it… but you don’t even know if that’s the truth! You don’t know the truth yet!

    What if this was a message to you to open up to him and find the truth? Rather than assuming you know what’s up – to open up the lines of communication with him so that next time he approaches you, you can have that convo with him?

    “I feel so bad because I saw that you opened up IM on POF. I feel disappointed. What do you think?”



  94.  #94mary on May 24, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    oh, it feels so scary to do that!

    i just checked my email and i got a message from him.

    wow.

    roller coaster again!

    pit in my stomach.

    i haven’t even read it yet…

    back in a sec.



  95.  #95Tina on May 24, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    During the waiter guy convo, I somehow slipped in the partially used girly shampoo and body wash 🙂 because I was talking about my feelings of jealousy hehe, maybe I shouldnt have said that 🙂 he has two baths , his private bath was where the shampoo and body wash was 🙂 he said he bought because, he had people over once and the older lady couldnt get up the stairs to use the other bathroom fck! lol I still feel angry, at the bottles? fck im a mess. I wonder if the bottles will be gone next time Im there?



  96.  #96mary on May 24, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    okay, he says this:

    “Hope you’re having a good weekend.

    I’m going out now to cut grass before it rains again.

    Too bad I missed you on Saturday.

    I went to see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. A bit dark in
    places but a well made suspenseful mystery.

    ciao bella”

    not really a lot to comment on… it feels so scary that i’m not sure i’m ready for that deep level of sharing.

    i’m gonna try some lighter stuff.



  97.  #97Siena on May 24, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    …do what you feel is right Mary – but I’m cheerleading on the sidelines for you to take a HUGE chance and tell him how you feel!

    I bet he handles it like a pro!



  98.  #98mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    what would you say?



  99.  #99mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    oh, i’m so paranoid that someone i know will see me on here…



  100.  #100Tina on May 24, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Mary, just respond with how great your weekend was or something like that using feeling messages of course, since he asked.



  101.  #101mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    i told him i was disappointed to miss him, too.



  102.  #102Siena on May 24, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    I would say something like…

    “I felt bad to miss you on Saturday too… I would have liked to take a walk with you. But you know how it is – weekend naps are so yummy!

    I feel silly telling you this, but I felt disappointed to see that you opened up an IM account on POF. My heart dropped when I saw that. I don’t want to wonder about you… what do you think?”



  103.  #103mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    wow.

    i guess i’m still in elementary school! i don’t know if i can tell him that about IM. i thought i was learning…

    yes, tina.

    i should have said something about the weekend. i missed it! responded too soon…

    oh.

    i have a date in one hour. some guy i don’t know. gotta get ready.

    thank you!

    i feel confused. and blue. and anxious.



  104.  #104Tina on May 24, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Yes, to the Sienna’s comment, but I would go with the top paragraph only 🙂



  105.  #105Tina on May 24, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    You go Mary! have a great time on your date NO MATTER WHAT !



  106.  #106Tina on May 24, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    Mary, he didnt really ask how your weekend went so fck it I wouldnt tell him, but the yummy part yeah lol.



  107.  #107mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    yes, and i loved your idea, tina… to just tell him about my glorious weekend.

    i didn’t!

    but next time i’ll know.



  108.  #108Sherry on May 24, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Mary – I logged on to POF this weekend and I was am IM user!! I didn’t sign up for it.. I was trying to read and respond to emails and these windows started popping up all over the place! I finally figured out how to change the settings, so maybe that is all it is for Island Man?



  109.  #109mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    yeah. you’re right. i am still kindof upset about all the waiting.

    i wouldn’t mind telling him that if we got together and were really talking.

    i mean, last time we were together in person he told me everything. all about his past relationships. he told me that someday he’d want to get married. actually do the ceremony.

    his eyes were glistening.

    he was smiling.

    he was into me.

    we hugged as he left, and he kissed my cheek. and i said, “i really like you,” and he said, “i really like you, too.”

    like we were in kindergarten.

    wow.

    it was really nice.

    how could he not think that?

    does he just move slow? at a snail’s pace? Man. i’m from the big city. i do not have island mentality.

    yet.

    !!



  110.  #110mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    oh, Sherry!

    i’m SO GLAD to know that!

    thank you!

    that’s probably what happened.

    thank you.



  111.  #111mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    okay.

    i have a coffee date. have to leave in 8 minutes.

    thank you so much for the feedback.

    i’m really liking this island man.

    i’m wanting to be objective about everyone.

    i’m taking notes and trying to be analytical.

    then wow. i’m suddenly into this one person.

    how did that happen?

    it’s a mystery.



  112.  #112tinque on May 24, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Daria – I do hear you, and in theory you are right. But the thing is women ARE wired differently than men. When women have sex and especially if they orgasm, oxytocin is released which biologically makes them want to bond. It’s the same chemical that is released when women give birth reinforcing the bonding process between mother and child.
    This doesn’t happen for men. They have can have an oxytocin release but to a lesser degree when they cuddle with us, yet when they fall in love with us and snuggle or have sex with, they will have that same chemical release but again not to the same degree as women. It also becomes present when they become a father.
    So this is why I say most women cannot maneuver this successfully. They do end up feeling bonded and very quickly.
    It has nothing to do with us being delicate or chaste. This has nothing to do with beliefs.
    It’s very simply how our chemistry works.
    xxoo



  113.  #113Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    Tinque –

    So what. I never said women aren’t wired differently than men, or that oxytocin isn’t released.

    I just said what I said. I am aware of the chemistry. I think women can maneuver this VERY successfuly.



  114.  #114Tina on May 24, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    It’s really not about his IM use, its about how you feel 🙂 stick with that. Disappointment , sadness? like it’s not really about shampoo and body wash for me, it’s a control, controling my feelings around him? I dunno, controling my anger/jealousy feelings? dunno baby steps



  115.  #115Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    And I’m not talking about “in theory”

    im talking about IN REALITY we have sex with men who aren’t the one, and survive quite well thank you very much.

    So we might as well enjoy the sex we are having.



  116.  #116Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I am feeling so mad!

    I am sitting here with this anger in my belly. It feels fun like something to focus on, and consuming like too much to pull on my mind.

    GRR

    I want to send out a text and get it over with… but i dont want to do that

    I want to get stronger with my feelings

    I want to be clearer on what i dont want.

    I dont want to be attacked.

    I feel angry. VERY ANGRY.

    and thats all i know. writing that makes my tummy feel like boiling some more

    I feel like I’m dealing witha romantic relationship in how intense this feels

    I feel clueless

    ACK



  117.  #117tinque on May 24, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Mary – Another thing about sex, I wouldn’t recommend waiting until after marriage to have sex with your partner.
    You already know what a disaster that can be.
    Rori said not too long ago that no man worth his salt would want to wait anyway.
    If there is great connection, having sex will be a wonderful barometer for knowing much more about this man and how you are together.
    When and if any of your men feel really right, and the circumstances feel good, then I suggest going for it.
    If you make a mistake, that’s all it is. Yes it may feel bad, for while even, but then again he may be “the one”, and I don’t believe you can truly know this without having been this intimate.
    xxoo



  118.  #118mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    tinque,

    i totally agree with you! thank you so much for this.

    thank you.



  119.  #119Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Tinque – Yes to what you said to Mary. Same goes for all other sex. This is pretty much what I was saying.

    It may feel bad or not, but if you make a mistake that’s all it is.



  120.  #120Rori Raye on May 24, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    All – I forgot to put up a notice about the group coaching teleclass I’m doing this Thursday evening – and I only have 2 spots left. To find out more about this one – go here: http://www.coachrori.com/teleclass. I’ll have to close it likely this afternoon…and do another one! Love, Rori



  121.  #121mary on May 24, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Siena, Tina, Sherry…

    THANK YOU for responding just now! It felt like an emergency to me. Even though I jumped it and responded too soon.

    I’m off, but I wanted to tell you how supported I felt that you chimed in then. THANK YOU.

    I feel cared for! I feel heard! I feel loved!

    How wonderful.



  122.  #122tinque on May 24, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    I feel badly this is triggering you so Daria, and I don’t want to be the cause of it.
    I have said what I believe to be true and what has been my observation in my work. You have stated what you believe is true.
    There is nothing wrong with not coinciding.
    xxoo



  123.  #123Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Tinque – it’s not triggering me so the anger was about another issue with someone.

    I do however don’t really want women to think that they are not in power of their sexuality.

    What you said to Mary was what I was trying to convey.



  124.  #124Siena on May 24, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    Daria, hugs! Have you written or talked to her yet? It sounds like you haven’t… maybe the message is you need to say something?



  125.  #125Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Every time i think about texting something or telling her I feel angry, in my imagination teh response is a huge attack. that i blank out of before even imagining

    I don’t feel safe!

    what would i like to happen?

    Me: I feel hella stupid writing this like this, but i don’t wnat to get in a fight or argument or attack you. And i’ve been feeling REALLY REALLY angry about teh way you got at me that day.

    Her: WHAT? well you called my babydaddy and todl him stuff that was not your business to tell

    ME: I did that because I cared for you and didnt want you to lose your life. I Didnt know WHAT to do except tell the other people in your life that i know care about you.

    I STILL feel really mad. And i don’t want to be gotten at bad every time you feel mad

    her: whatever well then dont get in my business

    me: (hang up)



  126.  #126Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    actualy thats NOT what I want to happen haha

    what I’d like to happen is her to apologize



  127.  #127Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Siena – not really just a lil bit. she called me and is being cool now, and i sounded normal to my suprise on the phone with her too

    but i feel REALLY mad thinking about it

    I dont want people in my life that put me down!

    Im feeling really mad!



  128.  #128Jules on May 24, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Daria, to each their own. You seem very upset that someone would judge you for having sex without a relationship, but on the same token you shouldn’t force this way of thinking on others. If you can do this and not be hurt or burdened by it then more power to you! But what makes us all more powerful in our own right is knowing what we can handle and being honest with our selves. I am not and will not be ashamed to say that I cannot have sex without bonding to a man. This doesn’t make me weak nor does it make me judgemental. In many ways it makes me envious of your ability to do so, but also more secure in my self awareness. I know me, I know what I want. I am strong and independent!



  129.  #129Siena on May 24, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    okay – totally off topic. But a question for Goddesses who are knowledgeable about manifesting and such.

    I have been seeing “signs” that point to an old bf. It keeps happening, and I’ve been ignoring them until just now. I did a search for a something in my email, totally unrelated to this guy, and the search results pulled up an email he wrote me. I opened the email and looking at the date, realized that it is a date that holds a huge amount of significance for me. Not the date so much as the numbers together: 12:11.

    I see 12:11 often and have many interesting situations surrounding that group of numbers together.

    As a leaning back Siren, there’s nothing that I will or can do to reach out to this guy… but he keeps coming up, and now with this group of numbers that are meaningful to me, I’m starting to feel like I should pay attention. Is there something I should be doing? Maybe praying for him and wishing him well?

    Any ideas or insights?



  130.  #130tinque on May 24, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    “It may feel bad or not, but if you make a mistake that’s all it is.”
    Yes in this context I can agree, yet I still suggest choosing with some degree of care, for to do otherwise can be an invitation for more hurt than is maybe necessary since we tend to bond readily.
    xxoo



  131.  #131Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Today is her mom’s birthday and i bet she’s having some kinda party for her, thats probably why she wanted to talk to me (total guess) but I haent caleld back in 2 days, and usually I would be there of course.

    Umm but im not

    Im feeling furious and maybe today is not a good day to share the feelings…

    I don’t want to approach her in the bottom of the ninth

    Im feeling frustrated with this anger boiling feeling!

    I mean ok i feel angry

    but I want to SOOTHE MYSELF

    not have to say something right now in order to feel soothed

    thats kinda junkieish

    I remember when other people do this i feel concerned and judgemental

    I Know these are MY FEELINGS

    heck i might STILL feel angry, or WORSE angry after sharing

    so who knows?

    I am at a loss of what to do here

    ok I want to not focus on it

    is that it

    she doesn’t exist ?

    even tho the ball is in my court cuz she contacted me?

    what if she just doesn’t exist till tomorrow!

    ack i feel guilty not telling her mom happy birthday!

    i did on friday by accident lol

    i feel guilty ignoring them

    like im being freakin insensitive and rude

    actually im afraid thats what THEYRE thinking about me

    ive super meshed my freakin energy with them!

    Im trying to separate now

    so waht

    i practice them not existing?

    i feel so intensely hot in my tummy and chest!



  132.  #132tinque on May 24, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    “I do however don’t really want women to think that they are not in power of their sexuality.”

    Yes, yes, yes to this. Women are very much in their power sexually.
    It’s one of greatest gifts.
    xxoo



  133.  #133Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    I do feel bonded with the men I have sex with. Though it is stronger with some than others.

    But this doesn’t make it a relationship.



  134.  #134Daria on May 24, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Siena – what about an experiment of contacting him? or would that feel bad?



  135.  #135Siena on May 24, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Daria, I think that would feel bad. I wouldn’t know what to say, and I’m really happy being a leaning back, receiving Siren. I don’t want to mess up those good feelings that I’m having…



  136.  #136Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Siena: From what I understand about deliberate manifestation, you could imagine feeling love flowing back and forth between you. Just breathe it in and out. But only do this when you are in a happy and confident space.

    If you are feeling anything other than happy then rori’s phrase ” if he isn’t in front of you, he doesn’t exist applies”.

    But if you can stay in a positive space then it’s okay to daydream about him.

    I hope that makes sense.

    Or… You could do that with your universal lover which would

    A. Cover all your bases if he isn’t the “one” that your universal lover is going to present himself as

    B. Easier to stay in a place of pure positive emotion because you don’t have any stories front he past that may come up



  137.  #137tinque on May 24, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    No it doesn’t.
    And this bonding that happens can lead to hurt if the man is just in it for the sex.
    And it also doesn’t mean it can’t lead to a relationship.
    I’m not saying a woman shouldn’t have sex unless she’s in a relationship.
    What I am saying is what I said to Mary, choose carefully if you are of the many who bond easily and feels hurt if it doesn’t lead to what you want.
    xxoo



  138.  #138Siena on May 24, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    Thanks LG!

    I feel good daydreaming about him. He was a good guy, and I usually feel good when I think about him, and remember him with fondness.

    My analytical brain is buzzing though. Do you think this is the Universe preparing me for something? Does it send clues? I’m curious about WHY this is happening. Any insight?



  139.  #139Daria on May 24, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    I just did thru the tunnel!

    wow i saw it different than before

    i just went to Pele Goddess of the Volcano circle on Friday.

    This time when I went down the tubes I went into a red hot volcano (usually its a dark cold place instead).

    and then had to go thru lava tunnel choking on ash, and then finally see the tunnel entrance…

    and usually i have flwon to the sun, and found a group and a flier with me (which may have been secuirty man)

    but this time instead i went thru some waterfalls

    and there were men, and one dived after me, and i went falling thru the falls, dna flew back up and I was a butterfly on a branch above em, and they all admired me and said they lvoed me and said they loved me and loved even that i didnt think i was the prettiest butterfly, and i alighted in one’s arms and turned into a woman and he held me strong and was glad i chose him and we watched the moon and he said its mind and rubbed my heart and onther spot (hehe and my face turned red) and then he KISSED me and I felt myself go into my head i practiced beinf in my body

    this was really unexpected and magical!



  140.  #140Siena on May 24, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    wow Daria…wow!

    What if you gathered your reflections and made them into a little book with illustrations? I could see you doing something like that and enchanting people!



  141.  #141Daria on May 24, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Siena ! haha yes!

    I wish I could search out all my blog posts. I was thinking of if I hire someone outsourced to have them gather them as a project. hehe.



  142.  #142Tina on May 24, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    The trouble with free sex 🙂 is running the risk of feeling bad afterward like I really like this guy, but im feeling horny as hell too so what do i do, have sex? uh yah I;ll try that, then I do , then I feel ah shit why did I do that, I feel bad now grrrrrr. its a risk I take sometimes I dont know if I’m on or off about it, since I have a “fear of intimacy” this makes it somehow easier to handle my emotions if I have any at all besides the great hot sweaty head spinning roll in the hay 🙂 This one guy I met, has a great body and I just wanted to have sex with him because I was feeling lonely and horny 🙂 so what the hell, I could have taught him a thing or two but yeah I let it slide just so I could feel all his muscles 🙂 he called me after which I was feeling good about then he says, oh, so and so was talking about you and said you were a coke addict, I said fck I’ve never done coke me my life let alone know what it looks like fck head, yeah real nice, fck off! anyway I hung up the phone, but before I said dont call me again blah, he emailed me a few years later and I do believe he still has me on his msn contact list. He says “how are you?” BLOCK LIST HE WENT ASSHOLE. I’ll see him again hehe. this all happened like after I split with my “husband” like about six months. Im mad now.



  143.  #143Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Mary:

    I’m feeling concerned about a pattern I’m seeing here of you jumping to worse case scenarios when you don’t hear from Island Man in the time frame you like. I do not feel surprised that you sometimes feel exhausted and emotionally overwelmed with emotional dating. That must be exhausting!

    What if next time these anxious, worrying feelings arrive you redirect you focus to things you love about your life? When I see you doing this, your energy feels tight. Sometimes God is trying to give us something but we can’t see it because we are so wrapped up with trying to control the outcome. Let him surprise you. Let God surprise you. The outcome will be so much better than you could even imagine.

    Speaking of surprises, you said you want Island Man to surprise you. Well he did on Saturday but you were so tired from stressing, you were asleep!

    I feel worried I sound to pushy or harsh saying this. I just feel so sad and frustrated seeing you torture yourself unnecessarily.

    You are awesome Mary! Please stop listening to any voices that tell you otherwise.



  144.  #144Siena on May 24, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    …maybe I’ll just do the Universal lover thing. I don’t want to start feeling stuck at all, and looking under rocks for signs. I want to stay light and happy and feeling good and leaning back.

    Maybe I’ll just smile at the old bf in my thoughts and send him love and happiness, and then if I want to daydream, I’ll be more broad about WHO I daydream about so that I don’t get stuck.

    That’s what would feel really good to me…

    (besides, what else could I do for him than send him love? I don’t want to reach out to him or lean forward… so my choices are limited anyway)



  145.  #145Tina on May 24, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    I have to let my toenails dry 🙂 hot pink to work i go tomorrow, ex husband and more circular dating 🙂 truckman please dont show up or if you dont like not not all at once, I have to work and need my wits.



  146.  #146Siena on May 24, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Daria, I’m pretty sure Rori (or her admin) can compile all your blog posts using her Wordpress backend. It would be somewhat quick to do (if she’s willing).

    And then (do you have a Mac?) you could put them together using Mac iPhoto. It would be so beautiful! I can see it now!



  147.  #147Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    I feel a tiny bit annoyed by this:

    “Another thing about sex, I wouldn’t recommend waiting until after marriage to have sex with your partner… Rori said not too long ago that no man worth his salt would want to wait anyway”

    only because I know for a fact that it is not true.

    I might feel good about having sex before getting married again and I might not . . . we’ll see how I feel when it comes up again (“comes up” haha). Right now I’m leaning toward NOT.

    However, if I ever end up meeting Getting Closer Man, I probably will have sex with him because I am pretty sure I will want to, no matter what does or doesn’t happen relationship-wise with us. Of course I will probably WANT a relationship with him, but if I can’t have it, I think I will still want to have sex with him cuz he’s just that attractive and sexy to me.

    The best sex I ever had was with a man I had just met in a bus station that day. We connected emotionally first — went to dinner and then talked for a couple hours. I stayed with him for a few days after that, then had to go back to college in another state. When the semester was over I moved in with him. Our relationship lasted a few months. The sex was never as good again as it was that first night (13 times in 24 hours. 🙂 ) It wasn’t just great physically, but emotionally too.

    I have also had some amazing sex with my ex-h in the past year that was better than when we were in our relationship — precisely because there were no strings attached.

    I believe there are just too many variables to make blanket statements.



  148.  #148Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Okay, my NVs are talking now. They are saying I was too masculine and bossy with Mary. This feels bad to think. O want to think something else. I’m going to think…Mary knows my intentions are coming from a good place. I learned something from this experience and will do better next time. I’m still good even if I’m not “perfect”. I’m okay. All is well.

    You will not win Nasty Voices. I am way too strong! Your power is weakening as we speak!

    Ahhh, this feels better. 🙂



  149.  #149Daria on May 24, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    Thanks Siena! – that woudl be awesome if she could…



  150.  #150Daria on May 24, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    But /I think she told me she cant do that yet – or maybe that was simply like… she can’t have us click on it from this end…



  151.  #151Tina on May 24, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Current husband and current exlclusively dating BOYFRIEND who wants to marry me in the same room oh dang nope. I had planned on going to a party after but since changed my mind. I cant or wont tolerate all hell breaking loose! ok i have to get ready for my day tomorrow, it will be long, I probibly wont have the energy to go to a party after. Their grown men they can handle themselves.



  152.  #152Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Siena, I have had situations where there seemed to be signs popping up all over the place — really amazing, miraculous “coincidences” etc. — and I would get excited, thinking it means something . . . and then later find out it didn’t.

    I still feel confused about that.

    Like, amazing things would happen that seemed like there was no way a coincidence so powerful could mean nothing…..

    How do those things happen and then end up meaning nothing?

    I feel confused about that.



  153.  #153Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Siena, what you said about keeping your visualizations broad feels great to me. The signs you are seeing do feel synchronistic. What if you took note of them, giggled to yourself a bit knowing that spirit is taking care of all the details and all you have to do is follow your bliss and radiate your natural, god-given feminine energy?

    When I do the sending love visualization, I try to balance it with receiving his as well. So I will focus on my breath. Breathing in his love, breathing out my love. It stays balanced this way and that feels good to me!



  154.  #154Siena on May 24, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    Just got my third and final unexpected check in the mail. (I only asked for 3). Yay! I feel grateful and heard, thank you!

    Now I have a spot available for a CD. I need three and only have two at this point. And I don’t even really like #2, but I see no reason yet to let him go. I don’t think I’ve received his message yet.

    “I have all three CD dating spots filled with men I am proud of and who adore me. And it feels so good, and I am very grateful. Thank you!”



  155.  #155Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    Laughing Goddess — I like this and would feel great if I knew for sure that it is really true:

    “From what I understand about deliberate manifestation, you could imagine feeling love flowing back and forth between you. Just breathe it in and out. But only do this when you are in a happy and confident space. If you are feeling anything other than happy then rori’s phrase ” if he isn’t in front of you, he doesn’t exist applies”. But if you can stay in a positive space then it’s okay to daydream about him.”

    😀



  156.  #156Siena on May 24, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Oh I love this:

    “all you have to do is follow your bliss and radiate your natural, god-given feminine energy?”

    That all I ever want to do! Just that! It would feel so good to live my life in that space always!!



  157.  #157Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Daria! Your tunneling meditation sounds amazing!!!

    I feel your pain with your situation with your sister. Sometimes it feels worse to put something off. The mind starts imagining the worse possible outcome. Maybe you would feel better if you either called her now or gave yourself permission not to call her and then vowed not to give it any mental energy?



  158.  #158Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Hey Lucy. I got that perspective from Abraham Hicks. I have been greatly influenced by their work. When I read or listen to them it just clicks for me. there is a resonance in my body that tells me it’s true and then i try it and it works, and then I see similar passages in books by other authors.

    When you say you just wish you knew it was true, what kind of confirmation would feel good for you? What would it take for you to know it’s true?



  159.  #159Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Where is C? I’m feeling curious about how her weekend went???



  160.  #160Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Lucy, I’m feeling curious if Rori has touched on this issue. I can’t remember seeing it anywhere. I understand why see says of he isn’t in front of you he doesn’t exist so that we don’t constantly conjure up negative imagery and drive ourselves crazy (Mary! 🙂 ). But I don’t know if she addresses positive visualization in that way. I know in Modern Siren she speaks of imagining ourselves surrounded by lots of men all shooting their arrows of love and attention.

    I’m feel curious.



  161.  #161Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    LG, well, I guess the thing is, I feel afraid because others on here have said that the guy can feel it when you do stuff like that and it feels to him like you are pursuing him cuz he feels the vibe that you are dwelling on him in your heart/mind and that pushes him away. They have said it is Leaning Forward.

    So, I feel conflicted. It feels good and “right” to me to do what you described. It feels truly loving in the broad sense of the word — being loving and connected with all of life.

    It would feel great to feel confident that I would not be sabotaging anything. I feel scared of sabotaging things.

    I feel wonderful when I imagine feeling love flowing back and forth between us. But does that push him away? That’s my fear.



  162.  #162Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    “What would it take for you to know it’s true?”

    I suppose that if I started doing that, and then he stepped up in a big way, then I would know it’s true. 🙂



  163.  #163Siena on May 24, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    Lucy I’ll chime in because I am just feeling like a nosy nelly today!

    To me, it’s all about the vibe. If I’m thinking about him with unconditional love, sending him health and happiness and completely unattached to the outcome – well… who could resist that!?

    If I’m thinking, “Why haven’t you called me? Where are you? Who are you with?” it totally changes the vibe and feels icky (I even feel icky writing that!)

    It’s all in the vibe!



  164.  #164Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Hey Lucy,

    For me, It feels good as long as it feels good. Meaning the visualization only works if I am feeling only good feelings. It does feel right to me that he can pick up on our energy but in this case he is picking up on a balanced energy vs. A leaning forward energy or a worried insecure energy. I’m interested in how this could be done in a leaning back way. Maybe on the inhale, breathing the love in and on the exhale spreading his love through our bodies and back out to the world. Actually this reminds me of Rori’s fountain visualization where he is adding to our fountain and it is pouring over us along with our own energy… Or something like that. I’m feeling unsure exactly how she describes it



  165.  #165Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Ha ha Siena. We were writing basically the sane thing at the same time. How’s that for synchronicity?



  166.  #166Laughing goddess on May 24, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Lucy re: 162

    I got tingled reading that! I feel your magnetism. Feels like such a thing could happen any moment. Him showing up that is.



  167.  #167Siena on May 24, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    LG – I hear you about the synchronicity thing! I feel tingly too! Like energy has been coursing through my body all day long. I feel so excited to see what’s waiting in the wings for me. I feel like I’m jumping up and down in anticipation!



  168.  #168mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    Laughing Goddess!

    thank you for your insight.

    i love the surprise factor and how i missed it! wow. yes, i did!

    maybe island man really likes me after all. and he’s not getting out there any more than i am. : )

    we’ll see what happens. you’re right. i need to quit stressing. i’ve been four years with R, in and out of relationship, and it’s made my head swim a little. i think i must be very fearful now.

    something to work on.



  169.  #169mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    daria,

    this is totally cool:

    “I don’t want to approach her in the bottom of the ninth

    Im feeling frustrated with this anger boiling feeling!

    I mean ok i feel angry

    but I want to SOOTHE MYSELF

    not have to say something right now in order to feel soothed”



  170.  #170mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    and daria,

    i’m very intrigued by your experience with sex, and your thoughts around it.

    i read everything you wrote the night we talked in depth about it. and i appreciated your insights.

    i honestly don’t understand it all.

    on the one hand, i’d love to just be so free that i could have sex with anyone, any time i wanted. especially now, before i’m older. i’m lookin’ pretty good at my age…

    on the other hand, i couldn’t even kiss B on Saturday night. he got so INTO me last fall… i was too worried for him that that might happen again. i felt horrible then, not being able to reciprocate. i wanted to love him and i just didn’t.

    the heart chooses at random, it seems.

    (Rori, there’s a post for you to write!)



  171.  #171Daria on May 24, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Mary – hey, as you know worrying about him and how hurt he will be is actually overfunctioning

    overfunctioning is a behaviour used to ABANDON a part of myself

    therefore I would look into that, do the Stranger Exercise from Toxic Men, and speak to that part, love it, give it a rose, tell it i’m in charge and will never abandon it again, and ask it will it help me be more whole

    while feeling my feelings and watching whats going on (usually the part morphs and stuff as I do these things)

    it’s a very scary and amazing feeling process



  172.  #172mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    when i was going out with B and R last fall, and Old Flame was on the horizon, they got so jealous of each other.

    i know that Rori says it will happen that way with only two guys, but let’s sidestep that for a minute and talk about my feelings.

    these guys were horrified that i wasn’t choosing just one of them.

    horrified.

    i explained over and over about the Ring, but it didn’t make sense to them. R kept saying that he didn’t want to be on my “kissing team.”

    seeing the hurt in his eyes, and feeling the love for him that i felt, i didn’t like myself for putting him through that pain. even if he WAS having trouble with commitment. even if he WAS just as free as i was.

    i tuned in to my nasty voices and listened to them and felt pretty awful.

    imagine if i had been having sex with both of them.

    i don’t know how i would have lived with myself in that scenario. men kill other men in that kind of situation, so how can it be totally fine?

    i’m not Rock Star diva enough to do that.



  173.  #173mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    okay, what would it look like if i was Rock Star diva enough to do that?

    i would have looked at the pain in R’s eyes and thought, “he’s just acting,” or “he THINKS he wants me to himself, but he doesn’t,” or “well, he can give me a ring if he wants me to himself. it’s his fault that i’m still out here having sex with other guys.”

    or what?

    i don’t know.



  174.  #174mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    daria.

    i heard that on one of the tapes, and it’s a good idea to try it around this issue of sex. that’s a great idea, actually…



  175.  #175Daria on May 24, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Mary –

    this thought of not “hurt”ing men by doing what is good for you, what you want, or putting your self first

    is the issue here ( if that didn’t come thru in my last post)

    Men are MEN. They will not be harmed.

    And any hurt they may experience by you doing what YOU want is a transformative catalyst for them. A man that has undergone the necessary transformations will not be hurt at all. He will understand and step up.

    A man that is hurt is GIFTED by that pain to change what he must change about himself – he is NOT serving HIMSELF well in that part and therefore CANNOT serve a woman well

    Looking out to avoid their hurt is like denying them the opportunity to experience the real Goddess, and true authenticity, amazement and wonder. THAT’s what they want. Any hurt would just feel like a couple scratches were they to get that.

    That’s why they’re coming to you. Let them in. Let them get scratched. It’s part of THEIR journey if they bleed. Don’t block them by fear they won’t make it. Let them try. Let THEM try. It is their QUEST and their way of becoming POWERFUL men. That is why the powerful ones will not be hurt. They have already scratched and healed. But some may just now be entering the world of their power. Accept theri blood as a gift.. appreciate it! And appreciate YOU! YOU are the one who allows them this incredible journey! IT’s amazing.

    That nurturing IS MEANT FOR YOU. A part of YOU misses it. WHAT IS THAT PART OF YOU? A part of YOU FEELS AFRAID OF REJECTION! HUG IT! TELL IT YOU WONT ABANDON IT.

    As for the men
    Don’t block the ready baby from being born for fear that it may feel squeezed on the way.



  176.  #176Turtle Girl on May 24, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Daria-
    I have been reading this for a while now. Hmmmmm, I know you are a lot younger than me. But I have to say, even at your age, I could still have sex with guys that I really did not care if they called me in the morning.

    I somehow was able to be a total diva and just do what felt right at the moment, without a lot of guilt or shame or anything the next day. Now sometimes I would really care for the guy, that kind of sex was VERY different for me. And ironically, sex as I have gotten older has been more of the bonding type like Tinque speaks of. I think each woman is an individual, and we are all brainwashed to some extent by not only our culture and society and training, but our own confusion and love stories over men. It can be a real bugger to figure it out.

    But I guess I accept myself and you and the other goddesses as whatever feels right for them and it’s all ok. I find all the different perspectives to be very freeing and feels good.



  177.  #177Daria on May 24, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Mary –

    R was not ready to give you a ring. Or else he would have gave you one.

    Security Man was not ready to give me one. Or else he would have gave me one.

    We gave them the gift. They now are that much closer to tranforming into MEN WHO CAN.



  178.  #178mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    daria,

    thank you.

    !!



  179.  #179mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    yes.

    i know i gave a gift to R. he told me so so many times! he just isn’t a man who can do it.

    not yet.



  180.  #180mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    oh, how i would like to have all the men i’m attracted to and have sex with all of them!

    wow.

    and i would have so many experiences to remember, too.

    even more wow.

    but…

    religion

    but…

    intention

    but…

    danger of pregnancy, AIDS, STDs, etc.

    but…

    social stigmas

    but…

    my own track record, my PRIDE!

    but…

    my daughters – do i want THEM doing that?

    but…

    i don’t even know what else.



  181.  #181mary on May 24, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    my dad used to say,

    you might get confused some day.

    you might not understand what is right,

    or what is wrong in a given situation.

    when that happens,

    do the thing that’s BEST.

    it’s an easier thing to find.



  182.  #182Daria on May 24, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Mary – lol. what about forgetting all of that

    about something that is REALLY PERSONAL lol

    and choosing what YOU want. You will have to Experiment of course. to see how that feels



  183.  #183mary on May 24, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Daria, you said:

    Men are MEN. They will not be harmed (if you are putting yourself first.)

    And any hurt they may experience by you doing what YOU want is a transformative catalyst for them. A man that has undergone the necessary transformations will not be hurt at all. He will understand and step up.

    I say:

    so I don’t need to worry about spending time on Plenty of Fish, where men can see that I’m ON, and wonder who I’m talking to… let them wonder. let them worry.

    so I don’t need to worry if I wanted to kiss B and had no intentions of being with him. let him wonder. let him worry.

    so i didn’t need to worry about having a kissing team. R could have opted out or stepped up. he didn’t want to do either.

    so i accommodated him. and he disrespected me.

    yes! okay!



  184.  #184Daria on May 24, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    YES! I say yes to all 3 of those things. in fact absolutely



  185.  #185Daria on May 24, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    HAha I feel like laughing because those things seem so obvious to me and I feel excited!



  186.  #186mary on May 24, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    so let’s say that Island Man comes my way.

    and we get close.

    and we love each other.

    and then Old Flame gets loose.

    and looks me up.

    comes for a visit.

    this really worries me…

    Daria, you say, “Looking out to avoid their hurt is like denying them the opportunity to experience the real Goddess, and true authenticity, amazement and wonder. THAT’s what they want. Any hurt would just feel like a couple scratches were they to get that.”

    wow.

    i like this.



  187.  #187mary on May 24, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    so i don’t have to worry about hurting Island Man!

    or Old Flame!

    or B! (oh! he gets so hurt!) and i would really like to kiss him.



  188.  #188mary on May 24, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    what about this guy who’s way younger who constantly wants to see me? he’s fifteen years younger. but i truly LIKE him. and find him attractive.

    he said he had an x-rated dream about me.

    Rori says NO to friends with benefits.

    yes, this goes without saying, but… in light of what we’re talking about here, i’m a lil confused.

    Daria? what do you say?



  189.  #189Sherry on May 24, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    I know we’ve been over this question before, but I can’t find it on here! I talked to a guy for almost a month, and then we met at a time when we probably should have cancelled.. we both had a lot going on. It wasn’t a bad date, just not “blow your socks off” kind of thing. Long story short, I know he thinks I am not interested.. but I am. Is it wrong to send him a fun text and let him know? Or do I have to lean back and hope he gets in the mood to maybe be rejected again – even though I wouldn’t?



  190.  #190Sherry on May 24, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    Mary – I’m actually going on my 3rd date tomorrow with a guy 15 yrs younger than me! At first I hesitated – talked for almost 2 months! – but I’m glad I finally went out with him. He is fun and built and doesn’t care about the age thing. CD is for working on US – I feel you are stressing way too much about THEM!



  191.  #191mary on May 24, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    no, Sherry. I’m worried that i’ll fall for young man. and what would that look like when i’m 70 and he’s 55?

    heartbreak waiting to happen. for me!

    but i would love to have sex with him.

    oh!

    this is a never-ending saga. i need to figure out my own policy on this.



  192.  #192mary on May 24, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    189 – good question!



  193.  #193Siena on May 24, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Sherry, re #189 – do you want to have to convince him of something that’s true? Wouldn’t it feel better if he figured it out himself because he’s such a stud that he made it a priority to figure it out?

    Mary – #188 – what if he is the key to your happily ever after? Not *the* guy, but the one that leads you to *the* guy? What if he says something on your date that prompts you to do some research on something, and in doing that research, you bump into the man of your dreams? My point is, we don’t know *why* these CDs are put into our path until we hear their message. Go for it!



  194.  #194Sherry on May 24, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Mary- I actually talked about this with him! He doesnt have kids either, so that is a question for me. He’s not sure he wants them, and like I told him, he’s not sure he doesn’t either. He has stepped up more than any other guy! We decided that it was ok to meet and see what happens. I too was/am afraid I might fall for him, but I decided not to let my fear rule me right now. Of course, I am too good at stuffing my feelings so I’m just kind of winging it here!



  195.  #195Sherry on May 24, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Siena – NO!! That is exactly why I haven’t done/said anything. I guess its just that I know how I was towards him and it wasn’t cool. And honestly, if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn’t think there would be a reason to try again lol.



  196.  #196mary on May 24, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Hmmmmm… that feels a little scary, Sherry!

    i’m such a researcher!

    and…

    i think i’m quite the catch, but i’m wondering what i’ll think when he’s hanging out with younger women, and i’m older, possibly even sick… how will i not feel jealous then?

    or will it matter?

    it’s not even that.

    it’s WOULD HE BE THE BEST PERSON FOR ME?

    not COULD it possibly work?



  197.  #197Sherry on May 24, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Mary – lol I have to agree with Siena on this one… it’s about the message! We have no idea why each of these guys enter our life, but there is a reason. One of the hardest things I am learning is to live in the now. Trying to stop my brain and all the voices and the “what ifs”. Its the second hardest thing for me. (The first being actually knowing my feelings.. still struggling with that one)



  198.  #198Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    I have created a new Big Sister voice for myself. I don’t remember right this second exactly where I found her, OH It was while tapping EFT that I have my own set of cheering people and they are WITHIN ME.

    YES My Big Sister Cheerleader is helping me love myself.

    I have a Stand Up for Me Voice!

    My Big Sister voice sounds like my Godsister but she’s always on my side (as my Godsister is when it doesn’t have to do with her).

    My Big Sister says – girl you’re still thinking about them? what you think they can’t have a birthday without you?

    haha.

    me: but they’re gonna think I’m rude now and have a reason to complain against me and not want to be my friend or hear me

    BIg Sister: soo? fuck them hoes! Girl THEY are the ones who fucked up. So you don’t want to call them. Big deal! Don’t go there and be abused. You’re worth more than that.



  199.  #199Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    Me: but but… I made a commitment to her child when I said i’m gonna be the Godmama

    Big Sister: Girl that is Her child. They have parents! They’re gonna be ok, believe you me. You gotta take care of yourself! Now do something Good for You. Take care of your heart when you’re hurt punky! You love real good and you’ve been done more than your share there. Believe me. They will be fine. You take care of you. And if you want to talk to them later, fine. But not right now, cuz you’re still mad, and it’s not like they called apologizing. “call me when you can” what? is that IM Sorry for taking my anger out on you? You deserve respect cuz you’re too sweet to go around people who abuse you, and YOU RESPECT yourself more than that. Cause you’re part of THIS FAMILY, and WE RESPECT OURSELVES. Got it?

    haha thanks!

    I love having a big sister! I feel like a protected lil sister. I feel ok to be weak because she will have my back for me!!! She is bigger and taller and not afraid to speak her mind!!! YEAH!!!



  200.  #200Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    I choose for my Big Sister voice to get louder and stronger all the time, so that I hear her even without having to call on her, and that she drowns out the negative voices! YEAH!

    I Always wanted a family that would protect me… thats why I was so wanting to be close to my Godsis.

    And now I have one in my mind!!!

    YEAH!

    It feels so safe to be part of a big family!

    NO one messes with us and we don’t put ourselves down, cuz WE DONT DO THAT!!!!

    YEAH!!!!!!!

    I feel exhilarated writing this.



  201.  #201Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    Thanks, LG and Siena!

    “To me, it’s all about the vibe. If I’m thinking about him with unconditional love, sending him health and happiness and completely unattached to the outcome – well… who could resist that!?”

    That’s exactly how I think about him — I actually do love him unconditionally and feel so fond of him and care for him deeply in a way that I want him to be healthy and happy and whole whether or not that includes being with me. Of course, it does seem to me that his life would be better with me in it 🙂 . . . but I don’t know everything . . . and I really do want what is best for him. Sometimes I just feel such warm and fuzzy teddy bear feelings for him.



  202.  #202Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    uhoh… i just wrote… but I told her I want to talk to her and if I don’t then im being untruthful, and also its not her moms fault i got into it with her

    Big sis said mann thats petty.. who cares! so you thought you wantted to talk to her but now you dont!!!

    mannn this is making me mad. Do you want me to call them… let me call them and tell them wassup with my lil sister (Big Sis doesn’t care that its their birthday)

    Now Im feeling scared like oh nooo!! and i feel angry like Big Sis Anger. This is just how my Godsis acts hehe!!!

    But that feels scary! I feel scared Big Sis will call them and make a mess of things!! She will yell and talk shit and not even respect that its a birthday

    I felt a whole tingle of fear from my toes to my liver to up up

    hmm

    I guess I pressed Big Sis down because now I can’t hear her.

    Oh she feels angry! She feels very angry! She might be angry at ME now!!!

    Are you angry at me!!

    YEs I AM!! You mess with these people who are no good for you!1 But they ARE GOOD . THey’re just like YOU!

    So why dont they give a fuck about you then?

    I don’t know!!! Why don’t you give a fuck about me! YOUr’e YELLING AT ME!

    I feel so MAD! Look I’m not tryna take this out on you. If you have any trouble let me know

    BUt sis!!! I don’t WANT you to go. I WANT you to help me. I WANT YOU to raise up my self worth and esteem and the courage with which I care for myself!

    OHhh man. Ok. Don’t worry you will get it. Just watch me. THen you will learn.

    BUt sis i watched my Godsister for years and I still haven’t learned!

    That’s cuz you press yourself down/

    What if you YELLED at her the way she yelled at you?

    BUT THEN, Id be just as bad! I couldnt’ say I’m the sweet one. I couldn’t feel like I’ve done everything right!

    SO what!!

    Pluse I just feel too scared! I jump back and shut down those responses.

    THey could get me sent to JAIL! I feel terrified of jail.

    MAN youre not going to jail believe you me. Stay sober and you’re not gonna go to jail. You can talk can’t you. You can take care of yourself.

    You WANT to yell at your godsister.

    I DO! BUt I feel like I missed the opportuinity now. An deven tho it might come up agian, I feel worried it will break or distance our friendship.

    No it wont. Thats how she responds. She understands.

    BUt I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND SCARED. Im not sure i WANT that. Part of me does and part of me doesnt.

    I don’t know what the best thing to do is!

    haha

    I know if she calls me yelling agian i can tell her. Bitch! You not gonna keep getting at me like ima sucka! Lose MY number! BITch! and hang up

    that woudl feel FUN

    I would love to do that

    but then I would feel powerful and proud of myself and happy

    i feel kinda bad cuz it sounds like I don’t want to be her friend at all. I just want to win her

    U just want to win her cuz the balance is uneven right now. You have a lot of stored anger.

    So is me yelling at her the only way I can fix it? And is it the only way I can feel free to yell at people?

    I don’t know. MAybe so. It’s defniitelyl ONE WAY.

    But what if it loses me this friendship?

    Well… what youre’ doing now and stuffing your feelings is losing you this friendship.

    I feel too terrified to do that.

    Ok what about yelling. MAN I FEEL TOO FUCKIN ANGRY! I DONT WANT TO BE TALKED TO THIS WAY! BITCH!!! and hanging up

    that would feel fun too. what if i didnt say bitch. cuz thats the way I dont want to be talked to. …

    that would feelll still kinda wimpy and i would feel vulnerable and like a loser still

    SO I HAVE TO ATTACK HER AND DO WHAT I DONT WANT DONE TO ME TO FEEL GOOD ??

    that seems kinda like just tryna getting the upper hand in an argument

    but thats what youre going for! feeling powerful like that.

    yeah,,, im going for it but i dont want to lose my friendships or hurt my friends over it!

    UGHHHH cant you see she doesnt give a fuck about that wit you!!! WAT THE FUCK!!! IM FEELING FRUSTRATED

    UGH I M FEELING FRUSTRATED TOO!!!

    IS PART OF BIENG HONEST ME LETTING THIS GO AND JUST FUCKIN YELLING IT?

    is thtat the truth?

    HOW CAN I GET WHAT I WANT ON BOTH FRONTS!!!

    POWER TO YELL AND PEOPLE AND FEEL COMFROTABLE ANNNDDDD GOOD RELATIONSHIP WHERE WE DONT YELL AT EACH OTHER

    We’ll find a way. Let’s rest now.

    ok



  203.  #203Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Fun quote

    “There is nothing wrong with telling a man “no” if
    he wants something that you don’t feel comfortable
    with.

    The question of HOW you say “no” is very important
    though.

    An insecure woman will say, “no… because you
    are sick to want that.” or, “no… and can you
    please explain to me why an adult man would
    want such a thing?”

    She is threatened by his desire, and threatened
    by her own unwillingness to give him what he
    wants (will he go get it someplace else now?)

    And so she needs to justify her “no”. She needs
    him to see that she’s RIGHT.”



  204.  #204Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Hello! I can say a better no to not driving to men or calling them. wow vibe shift gonna happen there! yay!



  205.  #205Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Thank you Alex Allman



  206.  #206Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    Daria! I JUST read that same email that you quoted from! Did you watch the video he was talking about? (I didn’t yet.)



  207.  #207Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    “If we are to be fair, then it’s worth
    mentioning that women want acceptance too.

    A woman wants to be able to express her sexuality
    without being labeled easy, and she wants to be
    able to withhold her sexuality at times without
    being labeled frigid… even if either of these
    positions disappoints her man.”



  208.  #208Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    Lucy = no! lets wathc it. hehe!

    I LOVE THOSE THINGS THAT I PICKED OUT!

    they are really driving it home for me how I AM FEELING INSECURE OF NOT GIVING TO HIM AND MAKING MEN WRONG
    a
    bout the not driving to them and not calling them!

    I KNEW I was blocked there and now here comes my ehlp to shif tme! yay!!



  209.  #209Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    What he wrote felt kinda important to me cuz of something I know about Getting Closer Man — he slept with 21 women in the four years since his divorce!!! (He said he was faithful during his marriage though.)

    If I get together with him, I don’t want to be just another in a long line. I want to be different than the others that he didn’t want to stay with forever.



  210.  #210Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    except i think we have to buy the program or soemthing… i don’t know where his blog is



  211.  #211Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Lucy! 21? that’s NOTHING lol. guywhohadababy slept with 21 women every month lol



  212.  #212Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    “they are really driving it home for me how I AM FEELING INSECURE OF NOT GIVING TO HIM AND MAKING MEN WRONG
    a
    bout the not driving to them and not calling them!

    I KNEW I was blocked there and now here comes my ehlp to shif tme! yay!!”

    Yeah, I know what you mean. I was thinking of how I made that mistake in my marriage — made him WRONG for wanting what he wanted, instead of just saying, “No, I don’t feel good about that” (making it about ME not about HIM.)



  213.  #213Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    I think the video link was in another email.



  214.  #214Daria on May 24, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    OMgosh rewriting for myself:

    hello shift:

    “threatened
    by her own unwillingness to give him what he
    wants (will he go get it someplace else now?)

    And so she needs to justify her “no”. She needs
    him to see that she’s RIGHT.””

    AHHH. yes. so i feel threatened and insecure with no on that front, and have tried to justify it and get him to see that I’m RIGHT

    ahhh

    I don’t feel like I need to do this anymore! yay!



  215.  #215Daria on May 24, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    Lucy i’m not seeing them



  216.  #216Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Daria, I feel curious about “21 is nothing.”

    To me it seems amazingly a lot — especially for a man in his forties.

    I have tried in vain to wrap my head around it. Like, how did that work? Where did he find them and how did it go, relationship-wise and all….? I just can’t picture what that kind of a history actually looked like, how it played out.

    He said not many were one night stands; most were friends or girlfriends. But I don’t get how that worked….

    How do you have that many girlfriends in that period of time???

    How do you have that many friends who will sleep with you??? (especially at that age, it’s not like in your twenties where lots of ppl aren’t married yet.)

    He has been on a “sabbatical” from sex for awhile now, since a couple months before we connected.

    Maybe you can give me some idea of how it would have worked to have that kind of history?

    I guess I’m kinda naive in that respect.

    Each of my past relationships lasted at least six months… so I wouldn’t have been able to fit in that many guys in four years!!!



  217.  #217Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    I’m only wondering about this out of genuine curiosity . . . I think about it every now and then and it just feels like something I don’t “get.” It doesn’t really matter. Just curious.



  218.  #218Daria on May 24, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Lucy – LOL!

    I don’t know cause I’m not TN man. I just know it’s not very difficult to have sex for a man who’s charming.

    I saw my guyfriends having sex almost everyday for years.

    Some of them claim their head will spin like the exorcist and pop off if they haven’t had sex in a week.

    And yes they are friends/dating/etc with the women they sleep with, as in they usually keep in touch and then they can call them to come over etc etc



  219.  #219Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    This all feels so complicated. I did something very scary today. I wrote a feeling email to a guy I’ve been chatting with online for a little over a month. We’ve been texting more than emailing – after the initial 6 1/2 hour email marathon. He’s 900 miles away and I know this is not a relationship until we actually meet and then that’s just the very beginning. But I’ve gotten a lot of the big questions out in the open already, so I feel like I’m a step ahead. He was supposed to be transferring here with his company the first of June, but now… they’ve changed their mind after a year of his planning for this move and he doesn’t know when or even if he’s coming here. Ugh!
    Initially when I started talking to him I thought it was great because it gave me a month and a half to get to know him and to practice the tools before I could actually meet him in person. This felt more safe and less pressured to me. Now, while I know this isn’t a relationship, I know that I am open to it becoming one. We’ve discussed it and that was the direction things were headed, but now everything is all up in the air. (I’ve still been dating other guys, btw – not all hung up on this one, I just like him the best so far, of all the prospects).
    I’ve already told him that casual sex is not for me and he was cool with that. I’ve been open about what I expect, but there are still boundaries that I haven’t discussed. They haven’t been an issue, so I haven’t brought them up. I’ve basically treated this like any other emailing I would do before I decide if I want to meet a guy for a date and I must say, he’s passed with flying colors. What feels so complicated to me though, is knowing how much is too much to tell a guy when you’re laying the foundation for a meeting and getting to know if there’s even a potential for a relationship?
    And to the real dilemma – we talk about sex a lot and honestly, I can’t wait to get my hands on him. He’s sent me nude pics, but I’ve only sent him risque shots that don’t really show anything, but hint at it. And he’s been great about that. Last night he finally asked me for a nude pic though and I told him no. He took that well too, but I feel guilty about it – like it’s very unfair of me. I’m just not comfortable with it though, so I wrote him to tell him that. I don’t want to sabotage a chance at a real relationship just because I can’t control my hormones! So I told him that, too. Not exactly like that, but pretty close. And now I’m all nervous – did I seriously say “relationship” – well it was “sexual relationship,” but still… to a guy I haven’t even met in the flesh?
    Now I feel scared that I gave him the wrong impression. I do want a relationship and I haven’t made that a secret, but I feel like I jumped the gun in telling him in that manner before I even meet him. I feel like the opportunity is there for him to misunderstand; to think that I’m in relationship mode with him when really I’m in potential relationship mode.
    And I feel excited and proud that I was brave enough to tell him how I really feel. It is such a big step for me. Rori’s book has helped me so much to grow, to feel open, to be at peace with the little girl inside of me.
    But I feel conflicted. I feel anxious and scared and proud and happy. It seems the more I read here, the more conflicted I feel.
    I keep telling myself that it’s not as if I’ve invested much, so if it doesn’t work out, I haven’t lost anything. I’ve only learned and gotten a step closer to allowing the open, honest, fabulous woman I am out to play. But that feels like cold comfort to me right now.



  220.  #220Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    Why am I even stressing myself out about this when I have no idea what the outcome is going to be?



  221.  #221April on May 24, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Rori, you are my god …



  222.  #222Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    Hey! You put him back in TN! Noooooo!!!!! Lol!

    So, like, he had a date with a girl from match.com, they hit it off, slept together, dated for a couple weeks, then he dumped her and picked another one from match, slept with her for a couple weeks, dumped her, then hooked up with a friend who recently divorced, then found another girl online, dated and slept with her for a few weeks, dumped her, hooked up with another friend a couple times, then met a friend of hers and slept with her a few times, then found another date on match and that relationship lasted a month . . . okay, that’s 7 in about five months.

    I guess it’s hard for me to imagine, because I can’t seem to find that many men who are even attractive to me!!

    Are there really tons of hot middle-aged single women running around??? I don’t see that many.



  223.  #223Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    If I wanted to sleep with seven men in five months, I don’t think I’d be able to find that many that I would feel attracted to . . . really, I can’t even find ONE that I want to sleep with! (besides him of course)



  224.  #224Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    “So, like, he had a date with a girl from match.com. . . okay, that’s 7 in about five months.”

    That whole thing was speculation; I didn’t make that clear. Just trying to picture how it might have gone!



  225.  #225Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    Page 3

    This should be the video link



  226.  #226Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    Oops! It didn’t post as a link!



  227.  #227Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:34 pm


  228.  #228Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    I didn’t watch it yet. My kids are wandering around and i don’t want to scare them!



  229.  #229Daria on May 24, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Lucy –

    ok heres what I imagine – BTW not meeting attractive men to you is an indication of a block – I didn’t THINK i’d meet attractive men and didn’t, until I started opening up my energy to ALL men and now I’m meeting attractive ones all the time… AND im attracted to more and more

    for example, I might date a man, not feel totally attracted to him but like Some things about him, and then, meet a man that looks like him, and now I’m MORE attracted to that man, because I’ve already dipped my foot in the water AND kept my attitude open

    but i digress

    Ok imagine story

    oh… we all go out as a group including MWBR (man who’s becoming real). WE all have so much fun at a party and MWBR and some girl that liked him go home and have sex. they’re great friends, but then they don’t talk for a week, and MWBR calls a girl he knew from the past and they go out for drinks, and then they wind up having sex. then MWBR and one of his guy pals go out to bars and meet 2 girls, the next day MWBR hangs out with one of them, then the day after they hang out again and have sex.

    Then the friend from the party calls, they all go out as a group again, MWBR and her have sex again.

    Meanwhile girl2 from the past had a “boyfriend” so she drops out the picture…

    new girl is new and MWBR starts dating her more regularly for a few weeks , and they have sex, but then the girl gets insecure at MWBR having a lot of women friends and going out and she freaks out, so they break up

    MWBR goes out with friends meets another girl. They exchange numbers, he calls her, they set up a time to hang out. THey hang out htey kiss. Then they meet up again again they kiss. Then MWBR invites her over to his house, she goes over, they have sex. Then she comes over again a couple days later, they have sex again. Now they start claling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, they hang out adn have sex for awhile, until they have a lot of fights and they break up.

    Ok thats about 4 girls in lets say 6 months.



  230.  #230Siena on May 24, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    I feel grossed out by thinking of someone having all those partners. I know I’m a prude in that way, but I don’t want to think that my guy has slept with hundreds of women before he meets me. Ewww that would really feel gross.

    I’ll just keep imagining that he kept it to 3-5 women that he really really loved (LOL) before he met me.



  231.  #231Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Oh, Daria, this is really weird. I’m on fb chat with 25 (the 25 y o guy) and I told him what we were talking about. He said, “The guy’s lying.”

    I said, “No, he’s not.”

    He said, “its impossible — that’s a new girl every 3 or 4 months. why would u even talk to a guy like that I haven’t been with half that many in 10 years.”



  232.  #232Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Siena, didn’t Evan whatshisname (the dating coach)have 100’s of partners before he met his wife? I kinda remember that.

    It feels kinda gross to me too, even 21 . . . but I’m still interested in him because of everything else about him.



  233.  #233Jeannette on May 24, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    Girls, I have a question……a man I have been dating for a couple months talked about a woman he once saw. He said he saw her for such a short time because she told him before him, she was dating a married man. He said right then and there, he wrote her off his list. I did not know what to say…..I have dated a married man too! BUt, I am sorry for it. I just don’t know if I should share that information or not. I mean, I am sorry I did it so, why should I broadcast it. But, it sort of put a wedge between us when he told me.



  234.  #234Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    I said to 25, “It’s not impossible.”

    He said, “ur retarded that means he’s had to be in a relationship with every girl for 4 months its impossible”



  235.  #235Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Daria I have to say I feel amazed that your take on men and their sex lives is amazingly accurate. I always had a lot of guy friends and for most of them that is how it worked.
    Also, I don’t think there’s the stigma on men sleeping around that society puts on women sleeping around. I doubt they even really think about it.
    That is why I feel so lucky to have come across Rori’s programs. I have a hard time believing that men don’t realize that the majority of women they sleep with are at least hoping to have a monogamous relationship with them. But since we let them slide on it, why should they do anything differently? GIRL POWER! I guess that’s goddess power!



  236.  #236Simply Shannon on May 24, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    I feel triggered and somewhat mildly amused at the naivety around sex and having that many partners. Some people have sex every weekend with someone new. That’s 52 people right there, and that’s assuming one person a weekend.

    Note to self: I no longer want to feel ashamed for the number of people I’ve slept with. (I have NO IDEA how many people I’ve slept with but it’s a lot). I did it. It’s in my past. I can’t change it. I don’t want to feel slutty or less than for it either. Mr. Fab Kisser never wanted to know about my sexual past because he couldn’t deal with the number. NEXT.

    I feel angry.



  237.  #237Daria on May 24, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Well it’s not impossible.

    I feel defensive of guys who have had as many sex partners as they want.

    I feel insecure and attacked MYSELF.

    Haha on the other hand I might feel a little judgemental of a man who had only 3-5 sex partners his whole life. Whoa.

    I would feel scared. Imagining scenarios that he would not know how to please me or has some kinda hangup wiht sex or insecurity.

    I feel defensive haha.

    But I would feel open to getting to know him.



  238.  #238Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    25 and I just figured out it’s because we live in a small town — and big cities are, in 25’s words, “a different culture.”



  239.  #239Daria on May 24, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Sweetpea – thanks! I’ve had CLOSE relationship with a whole bunch of guy friends my whole life, and often helped them get girls in bed. haha.

    yay It feels good to read what you wrote that you feel amazed at my accuracy hehe.! I feel validated and happy !



  240.  #240Daria on May 24, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    GODDESS POWER!!!!



  241.  #241Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    I feel scared to say this, but the guys I know would tell you that they are sleeping with more than one woman at a time. The scenario would be more like, he sees the girl from Match on Monday. Sees his friend with benes on Friday, etc., etc. Sorry ladies. But that’s the honest truth. Hopefully they outgrow this at some point. My research is a little “dated” – from 10 years ago or so…



  242.  #242Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    25 says, “in a major city u could go out and meet a different really interesting guy every night and Ud see if it worked and if it didn’t u’d start again u could be way more picky and not feel like Ud have to settle for any amount of time”

    I said to him, “Then what am I doing living HERE???”



  243.  #243Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    Daria – I have to say I would feel scared about a man who only had 3 -5 sex partners as well. Unless he only had long-term relationships….
    It does happen….



  244.  #244Daria on May 24, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    Sweetpea – its still going on like that hehehe. I don’t think theres anything wrong with it! I LOVE MEN and their sexuality!



  245.  #245Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    I’ve felt so scared and stuffed down and shut down for so long now that I don’t have hardly any guy friends left. I feel envious of you Daria. 🙁



  246.  #246Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    25 says (about Getting Closer Man and his 21 in four years) – “living in a big city makes it very possible if he lived around here it would be impossible”

    I need to move. Maybe that’s why I can’t find guys I’m attracted to.



  247.  #247Siena on May 24, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    Ladies, please know I’m not judging, I’m just holding on to my naïveté. I wouldn’t mind practicing with a guy who had only a few partners before me…I think it would be fun!



  248.  #248Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    I love men as well! Everything about them. Their attitudes on life. They don’t worry about stuff. Not anything really. I feel that Rori is right that men are protective and loyal when you spring the right emotions in them. They are awesome!!! But I am just learning to love them again I’m ashamed to say.



  249.  #249Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    My ex-h had only one partner before me, I had four before him . . . we practiced together and got REALLY GOOD!!! I couldn’t ask for anyone better in bed than him.



  250.  #250Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Good for you Siena! Communication is key. I feel confident that you would have fun practicing with a less experienced man. And experience doesn’t necessarily mean they have learned anything if they haven’t been with a woman who knew how to communicate her needs and was brave enough to anyway. I feel proud of you for being so smart and did not feel that you were being judgmental.
    I feel that it is probably lazy of me to be hesitant to sleep with a man with so few partners.



  251.  #251Daria on May 24, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Sweetpea –

    I don’t have much of ANY friends either! how strange!

    I still have my guyfriends, but we don’t see each other very often anymore!

    I want to create a fun life I LOVE! with lots of men and women friends, and going out, and fun and dancing, celebrating, excitement, showing off, yum!~



  252.  #252Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    Daria – It seems to me that you are on the right track. I have read so many things today that I’m not even sure I read it on here, but somewhere I read that you have to be open to experience openness from anyone else. I feel that this is a very important thing for me to remember.



  253.  #253Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    “Some people have sex every weekend with someone new.”

    Shannon, I’m not judging at all. I’m just curious, and trying to understand how it works. How do people find someone new every weekend that they WANT to have sex with? That’s what I don’t get. Is it just because I’ve always lived in small towns?



  254.  #254Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    I WISH I could find lots of men I want to have sex with!!!



  255.  #255Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    Shannon, I feel curious about how you don’t know the number. Curious. Just because I can’t imagine not knowing. (NOT judging at all!)

    I had six. Except, this is kinda weird — it might have been five. Lol. I honestly don’t remember if Mk and I actually had intercourse or not! I think we did once. How is it possible that I don’t remember for sure?????



  256.  #256Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Oh, I also wanted to say that reading what you wrote about yourself, Shannon, actually makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER about Getting Closer Man’s 21 partners!!!! SO much better. It was just so foreign to me; I didn’t understand it.



  257.  #257Daria on May 24, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    Lucy – DEFINITELY GOTTA MOVE!! lets moveeee it



  258.  #258Daria on May 24, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    I feel so excited that I found a teaching platform Udemy which is Free and has a really clean format i like and I think I can use for tutoring online, am exploring it now!



  259.  #259Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Lucy, I came from a smallish town and I believe that probably does have something to do with it. That and I don’t know how small of a town you’re in, but you probably know too much personal info about the guys in your town to be able to be as casual as people in bigger cities are.
    Wanting to have sex with guys is a wonderful, beautiful thing, but it is also a double-edged sword. I meet guys that I want to have sex with, but then I start overanalyzing things and feeling freaked out afterward. I can’t be as casual as I would like to think I can and I’ve had to admit that to myself and start making changes. Which is difficult. Daria has seen alot of the things I’ve posted today and will testify, I’m sure to the fact that I’m feeling very conflicted and confused about men right now. And about sex.
    So I don’t feel that sex too soon is a good thing for me, but I have a strong sex drive, so I’m having to learn to find a balance in my life. To be more honest with myself and with men to be able to get what I really want. Which is not just sex (sometimes, but rarely), but a relationship with someone who has a sex drive compatible to mine so I can just have loads and loads of sex with him.



  260.  #260Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    “a relationship with someone who has a sex drive compatible to mine so I can just have loads and loads of sex with him.”

    That’s how I feel, too, Sweetpea. My sex drive is very strong — stronger than most men.



  261.  #261Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    The only thing I worry about with a man who’s had a lot of partners is that he will miss the variety and the freedom to be with whomever he wants and won’t want to be monogamous.

    What do you all think about that?



  262.  #262Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    235 – Shannon, I feel sad that you seem to feel some guilt over the amount of partners you have had. I don’t feel that you have to know yourself, or tell a man how many partners you have had. I won’t ask or answer such a question from a man. I would feel freaked out if I knew the number of women a guy had slept with. I wouldn’t feel surprised if they would be freaked out to know the number of men I’ve slept with either. My theory is: don’t ask, don’t tell. It’s in the past and not relevant to today.



  263.  #263Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Do I seriously need to move?



  264.  #264Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    Lucy –

    I feel that is a relevant fear, but it also that – a fear. The beautiful thing about Rori’s programs are that they teach us how to keep a man interested and in the now. Rori says once a man is committed, he will do all he can to stay. I agree with this and statistics show that women leave committed relationships more than men.



  265.  #265Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Ya know, it’s kinda weird. A few months ago — not related to dating at all — I suddenly had a thought that I wanted to live in a city. Maybe this was why I had that impulse!



  266.  #266Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Also, there is a male relationship coach who Rori has interviewed who says 99% of men WANT to be in a relationship. They just don’t want to be in a relationship that brings ’em down. As Rori says, they follow their guts and they will walk away much sooner than us if it’s not making them happy, but that doesn’t mean that they are not looking for “Ms. Right”. They are just much more picky about her than we are about “Mr. Right”.



  267.  #267Sweetpea on May 24, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    I think everyone left but us, Lucy. I just moved to a big city and I love it.



  268.  #268Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    “statistics show that women leave committed relationships more than men” — that doesn’t mean the men are being FAITHFUL in those “committed relationships.” A lot of times the reason the WOMEN leave is BECAUSE he cheated. That’s why *I* left.



  269.  #269Daria on May 24, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Lucy – I don[t know, but i want to move. hehe



  270.  #270Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    My ex-h would have stayed with me forever.



  271.  #271Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    To Brazil?



  272.  #272Simply Shannon on May 24, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Lucy, I believe you answered your own question about how I don’t know the actual number. You’ve had no more than six partners but you’re not sure about one of them.

    I see people I want to have sex with every single day.

    I feel embarrassed.

    I don’t want to hide this part of myself. This is a part of who I am. Do I need to share all of the gory details? No… but I don’t want to hide my past.



  273.  #273Lucy on May 24, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    I would not feel embarrassed about that. I feel great when I see men I want to have sex with — it just doesn’t happen very often, and I have a very strong sex drive.

    Do you live in a city, Shannon?



  274.  #274Daria on May 24, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    I have a fear that if i truly express myself i will be too insensitive and drive everyone away and then i will be alone forever



  275.  #275Daria on May 24, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    i love my fear



  276.  #276Daria on May 24, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    but at the same time i wonder if its making itself true… like for example if i take a risk to tell a friend something im afraid of and it hurts her feelings

    i dont want to hurt ohter people



  277.  #277Daria on May 24, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    I feel bored! hehe and good



  278.  #278Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 7:41 am

    Hello, I have missed being on here. I’ve been totally busy, and it feels good to be back, but now I am way behind on all your posts.

    I have a question…Bill was showing lots of warm vibes and now I feel backing-off vibes. It could be he senses me backing off in my efforts to lean back, waaaaaayyy back. Or it could be something I said or did turned him off, cuz guess what? I ain’t perfect! Also, yesterday he saw me joking around outrageously with a married coworker. With Bill, it’s (rightly) interpretted as flirting. With this other guy, John, it was just playing around and having fun, with no thots whatsoever of flirting. Bill could have wondered if my joking with HIM was not flirting afterall.

    He leaves this Friday for his Mediterranean cruise. I want to give him a reason to think bout me while he’s gazing into the ocean. And, I will miss him. I am thinking of telling him on Friday that I will miss him. Is that leaning forward or is that being a rock star diva? Any words of wisdom on what I could say?



  279.  #279Simply Shannon on May 25, 2010 at 7:51 am

    Brenda: Telling him you miss him would be leaning forward because you are saying it to cause an outcome (i.e. you want him to think of you while he’s gone).



  280.  #280Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 7:54 am

    Shannon, Okay, thanks. I will just continue to lean back and look pretty the best I can! 🙂



  281.  #281Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 8:11 am

    Daria and Lucy were talking about being attracted to men’s faces on one of the previous strings. This isn’t true across the board, but I have observed that most couples look somewhat similar. Their facial shape makes them look like they could pass as brother and sister.

    When I was with Ryan, I had a picture of him next to a picture of me when I was slender, when my face shape was as it should be, and we looked very similar. I also feel that kind of facial attraction with Bill.

    I think we are naturally attracted to people who look similar. How do you all feel about that? Have you observed the same?



  282.  #282Simply Shannon on May 25, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Brenda, I’ve noticed the facial similarities before too! So weird that you just wrote that. At the same time, I think I see similarities in the men I date when *I* want the similarities to be there, aka when I like the guy. I do believe we choose mates similar to ourselves.



  283.  #283Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Cool. I don’t see that as shallow. I mean, it’s going to be a physical relationship as well as spiritual, intellectual, and emotional! I just prioritize my levels of attraction. For me, spiritual attraction is far more important than physical attraction. I love the movie, “Shallow Hal”. I didn’t agree with everything in how they treated overweight women. Nevertheless, it showed an acceptance of all people with unusual characteristics. I see more and more how different people have different preferences in a partner. I am feeling more and more comfortable with my individuality, and to realize that, even if were slender, not every man would be attracted to me. Some types fit together more than others. I look forward to the day I marry MY Man! 🙂



  284.  #284mary on May 25, 2010 at 9:37 am

    I have been musing about comment 175.

    and overnight i realized that i need to work on creating a set of values for myself. really work on them. so that i am them, and they are me.

    that will make decisions infinitely easier.

    i have a lot of conflicting things going on.

    * * *

    desire to please God, which i think means wait for sex

    conflicting with

    desire for sex, so that i focus on sex, which needs to not be the focus.

    * * *

    desire to date lots of men, and getting hung up on island man

    conflicting with

    need to know how things could work with old flame

    * * *

    foreign country

    conflicting with

    family living elsewhere

    * * *

    new career

    conflicting with

    needing time to date

    * * *

    etc., etc.

    maybe i will take some of my energy back and work on sorting through these things… and make something like a “business plan” of what to look for in a man. that sounds like a good idea to me… and go back and examine core values – sexuality, family, career, sense of place…

    yeah.

    i need to figure out what i’m doing and where i’m headed.

    i’m all over the place right now and shooting from the hip and reacting rather than responding.

    i need to take some ownership of my values.

    !!!

    kind of excited about it.



  285.  #285Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 9:48 am

    I feel broken.
    I feel smashed on the sidewalk and trampled by a thousand pairs of feet.
    My heart hurts like crazy.



  286.  #286Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Hi Lucy,

    What’s going on??



  287.  #287Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 10:05 am

    Hi Brenda.

    After last night’s discussion on here about there being a lot more interesting men in big cities than in my little town, I decided to do a search on match for men in the two largest cities in our state — and I was stunned to see that Getting Closer Man had put up a profile in his new city, looking for someone to “show him around the city.”

    I haven’t heard from him in a few weeks — last time he texted me he said he was working nonstop on his first big project at his new job, trying to meet a deadline. So I figured he was busy and would contact me after awhile and want to meet me since we had talked about it and now he lives only four hours away.

    I feel devastated that he is looking for someone else without even wanting to meet me.

    It feels like a cruel joke of God’s — having him move to my state and then writing me off.



  288.  #288Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 10:30 am

    Lucy, I’m so sorry to hear that. I feel your pain. Oh, wow, do I feel your pain. I had that experience more than once. I had fallen in love with a man in prison in 1989 in Binghamton, NY. He was moved to Scranton, PA, temporarily, and I saw him more, but they were only 20 minute visits. Then he was moved to Albany, NY temporarily. He was a federal inmate, so they could move him to any state. But he was from NY, so I assumed they’d keep him in NY. Just after we deepened our relationship, they transferred him to Wisconsin! Not only was it 1/3 of the way across the country, but they denied me as a visitor, cuz I didn’t know him before his incarceration.

    After a year, he was unexpectedly moved to upstate NY. It was still 9 hrs, but it was 2 hrs from my Dad, so I could stay with my Dad and go see him for a weekend, and I was permitted as a visitor.

    After about 3 yrs, he was transferred to Pennsylvania, about 3 hrs from home, and it seemed like a miracle. But after one visit, he ended our friendship except for a letter every month or so. My heart screamed, and yes, it felt like a cruel joke from God.

    I also went thru something comparable with Ryan, but this post is long enuff. We know deep in our spirits that it’s NOT a cruel joke from God, right? It feels like that, and feel free to express your anger to God…He can handle it!

    Just remember that His ways and thots are higher than ours. He has a master plan, and we can’t always see the end goal or something even more marvelous. It’s about that song, “God bless the broken road that led me straight to you.” That was my & Ryan’s song. I don’t believe God is finished with that relationship, either, with Ryan.

    But I’ve been rejoicing the past few days when it struck me…the extreme pain I went thru with Ryan led me straight to Rori Raye and Siren Island!! God bless the broken road that led me straight to all of YOU! God bless the broken road that led me straight to MYSELF! I have gone thru so much growth and healing for the past 20 years. Yet just as I think I am getting where I need to be, a new layer of pain or mis-guidedness surfaces. I am so happy for this privelege to work on myself under the guidance and wisdom of such a wonderful group of wise women!

    Lucy, more and more, I am seeing that God’s purpose for us is more about making us into pure gold than in giving us lives of pleasure and ease. Feel the pain, sister, sink into it, and love every part of yourself that surfaces. And let it grow you stronger. I know it’s easier said than done. I know, cuz I’ve been there.



  289.  #289Simply Shannon on May 25, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Lucy, I feel surprised. Not what I expected to hear! I would feel devastated too. This is one of those times when I can “hear” why Rori’s tools work. If a man wants to be with you, he will, no matter what his schedule, his plans, the obstacles in his way. I don’t want you to feel any more devastated by my words but I want to knock Getting Closer (to being a nil) Man off your horse. Grrr. I feel angry.

    This is why expectations around any man (ala “he’s the one”) don’t work and set us up for pain. Don’t get off your horse for any man who is not right in front of you.

    When we pine away for any other man, it’s like avoiding intimacy with the man in front of you because you’ve got this imaginary man as your BACK UP PLAN. (Mary, this rings out for me when I read some of your posts.)

    Okay, vent over. I feel angry with men right now. Angry, angry, angry.



  290.  #290Laughing goddess on May 25, 2010 at 10:38 am

    Lucy:

    No no no! No jumping to conclusions!

    Remember how Mary was convinced Island Man wasn’t interested and then he called.

    Part of being a siren means recognizing when our minds are telling us stories. No making assumptions. As far as I can see, you have two siren options.

    – express your concerns to him in non-blaming feeling messages

    or

    – focus on yourself, your wonderful life

    but noooooo torturing ourselves with mind stories. Sirens don’t do that.



  291.  #291Simply Shannon on May 25, 2010 at 10:41 am

    And that was totally boy voice. Blech. Re-write:

    I felt distracted from my bridge by Mr. Fab Kisser. I knew it all along. I wasn’t head over heels for him but I kept trying to convince myself. And then I told myself I’ll stay open to others but date him. It didn’t work that way for me. I tried that experiment and it didn’t feel good. Now I’m feeling pain in my heart from missing him but I don’t want to be with him. I know that sounds conflicting but I know my heart just longs for that comfort of having a backup plan. It wasn’t true love. It was true comfort.

    I want a man rowing, right up in my face, coming at me. I believe Evan said it once that a man’s biggest qualifier is him loving me unconditionally. for me, that includes meeting my needs of being with him, no matter what it takes.



  292.  #292Laughing goddess on May 25, 2010 at 10:48 am

    “It feels like a cruel joke of God’s — having him move to my state and then writing me off.”

    I feel trusting that God doesn’t play cruel jokes. We just don’t know all the facts. We don’t know the how’s of how life will play out. But I do know for certain that God has beautiful things in store for you. If fact, I’ll bet if you looked a your life, you’d see there’s a ton of love and beauty there already.



  293.  #293mary on May 25, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Lucy,

    I feel angry, too. He could have leveled with you. Oh! Do not waste another thought on him.

    (easy to say…)

    but you are in charge of your thoughts. i wish you would fill your mind with beautiful thoughts, as Laughing Goddess is suggesting!



  294.  #294Laughing goddess on May 25, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    Lucy, I feel your hurt. I can imagine that it must have felt shocking to see that. I feel curious if it felt bad because you decided that because he put that post up it means you will never get to connect with him and you will be alone.

    But… What if t it doesn’t mean that. A million possibilities could come from this. Anything could happen.

    – what if that post of his is the catalyst to bring you together. What if because of seeing that, your anger inspired you to go out for a walk and you bummed into your next great love, what if, what if, what if????

    So many amazing things could cone out of this. Don’t give up on life and love. Your giving up and deciding that there is only one possible meaning for him posting that post is the only thing keeping you from love. Love is surrounding us all this very moment. We just have to be willing to see it.



  295.  #295Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    This Siren Island truly is my oasis. When I am at work and have to deal with difficult things, I often come here before and after to get in touch with myself and relax. I so appreciate you all, and especially you, Rori!



  296.  #296Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Quick Question: If I momentarily slid into habit of being too forward-leaning and initiated talking to Bill and I feel uncomfortable about it, should I just let it pass or should I say please excuse me? I feel stupid. Don’t ask me what I said cuz I really do feel stupid.



  297.  #297Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Thanks for all your responses.

    The timing of this is so weird. First that conflict with my ex-h on Sunday — the first one in more than a year. And my daughter is being hospitalized tomorrow (not a huge deal — it’s for a flare-up of her CF, but still stressful.) And now this.

    Another thing about the timing — I had JUST worked through those two things I said were keeping ME from being ready to meet Getting Closer But Further Away Man (my weight and my career — I had come to full acceptance of myself as I am right now; even started feeling great and sexy about my extra fat!) So I finally really truly felt ready.

    And then that convo on here about manifesting — and feeling love flowing back and forth and how I said to LG that I would know it was true if I did it and then he stepped up big time . . . and then LG got chills reading that, and so I decided to try it …. and guess what? It bombed big time.



  298.  #298Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    LG — “I feel curious if it felt bad because you decided that because he put that post up it means you will never get to connect with him and you will be alone.”

    Yes to “it means you will never get to connect with him.”

    No to “you will be alone.”



  299.  #299Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    LG, thanks for your sweet reminder that love is surrounding us at every moment. I know that is true — I have three amazing kids who love me (and each other!) incredibly much. I have some great friends and family members, and all of you here. So much beauty in life.



  300.  #300Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    “Your giving up and deciding that there is only one possible meaning for him posting that post is the only thing keeping you from love”

    I feel curious about what you mean by this.



  301.  #301Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    “If a man wants to be with you, he will”

    It feels awful to think that he doesn’t want to be with me. I feel so shocked that he doesn’t want to be with me! I feel mystified and perplexed that he doesn’t want to be with me. He told me over and over again how much fun he was having with me, and he cared about all my feelings– happy and sad and everything else. He seemed so happy with our connection, and felt safe sharing his feelings with me. I don’t get how he could not want to be with me. I am everything he said I am — wonderful, special, precious, fun, flirty, beautiful, smart, sexy, interesting, awesome…. Why would he not want me????

    The last time we were texting– four weeks ago — he called me baby and said he wished I was there with him. I know I know, meaningless words are easy to say.

    Really, I feel incredulous thinking that he doesn’t want me.



  302.  #302Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    I feel worse than I sound right now. Being in my head and writing these things numbs the pain a bit. I spent time late last night sinking into my feelings. Felt like pain in my heart. It didn’t shift. It seems unbelievable that he wouldn’t want to at least meet me. I could understand him meeting me AND checking out other options in his new city. But I feel so amazed that he jumped right to his “other options” without even seeing if we had potential.



  303.  #303Turtle girl on May 25, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Hmm…remembering what Rori said once. The man needs to wants us MORE than we want them. Good advise.
    Because if we want him more, it justs turns into something all messed up.

    Cd’ing is working. I had a coffee date whith a guy who was so hot I though I could see smoke coming off the stool…..wow talk about attraction…..so he leaves, he then emails me how he is thinking since I have another online ad up that I must not be attracted to him. Not so I email him back.

    But Daria said he is jealous of my ad! HA! Maybe so Daria. Kind of funny to see their reaction. They can look at ads, but don’t like when we keep posting.
    But I emailed and told him my “policy” on casting a wide net with men. did not hear back for days.
    I am thinking-oh well, who cares. No leaning forward.

    And then what pops up in my email box today?
    An email from him wanting to go out this weekend!
    Men never cease to amaze me. What funny creatures they are…….xxoo



  304.  #304Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    And here’s the other thing. Remember last night how we were saying maybe I should move because there are no interesting guys around here?

    Well, my hairdresser today said it’s totally true about men around here. She said, “They’re all the same.” I asked her what she meant by that, and she said, “They’re conservative, set in their ways, content to do nothing new, no sense of adventure, no fun, just plain old boring.” She said it’s just the culture of this area, and most people here have lived here all their lives. (I’m not from here originally, but my ex-h was.)

    That’s EXACTLY the kind of men I have been dating here and struggling to be open to and hoping to feel a spark of attraction for. So IT’S NOT ME.

    No wonder I liked Getting Further Away Man so much!

    I told my hairdresser, “I went on so many dates with guys from here, and yet I had way more fun with a guy I never even met, thru TEXTING and EMAIL! How is that even possible to have more fun with a guy you’re not even with than the ones you are with?”

    She said, “Oh, I can totally see how that’s possible — the men around here are NO FUN AT ALL!”

    So I feel very very stuck.



  305.  #305Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Turtle Girl — “The man needs to wants us MORE than we want them.”

    So how do we manage that? If we like a guy a lot and he’s not falling all over us, what do we do? Cut it off? Cuz I don’t see how we can make ourselves like a guy less than we do. Sure, we can Lean Back and all that, but we can’t change how much we like him, can we? I know I can’t. I have tried mightily.



  306.  #306Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Lucy, I know your area, and I tend to agree about the type of men there. Nevertheless, you are right near my county and east of there, with a totally different type of men, and also near the capital, which has a different kind of men. Don’t limit yourself! I don’t live THAT far away, and there are lots of interesting men in my area! Hey, maybe we’ll have to go out for the purpose of meeting men together, like dancing or something!



  307.  #307Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Lucy, about how we get men to want us more than we want them, it’s just an overall matter of working Rori’s tools. But ultimately, I don’t think we can make anything happen. But working her tools sure puts the odds in our favor!

    Like I was saying earlier, not every man will be attracted to me, even if I AM slender. Just MY type will. So I just focus on me, on being the best me I can be. My ex has given me a lot of constructive feedback. He said I am the total package for him in a woman. Yet at the same time, he says a lot of men wouldn’t be able to handle me. 🙂

    So just because one man isn’t jumping at the opportunity to meet you, doesn’t mean you ARE NOT wonderful, special, precious, fun, flirty, beautiful, smart, sexy, interesting, awesome…as you said.

    I know Daria will probably jump on me for this (God bless Daria! :-)), but if it were me, I think I’d email the man and tell him how hurt and yucky you feel that he moved to your state and didn’t even look you up.



  308.  #308Brenda on May 25, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    One little happy moment I had with Bill today was when we were at a meeting, he said he could extend his two week vacation one more day by taking off Friday. I reminded him we have two meetings for document revisions that day, asking if he wants me to cancel them. He said, “No, if we have meetings, I’ll be here. If it’s for you, I’ll be here. But for anyone else I’d say cancel them!” 🙂 He’s such a sweet, good-natured man! He looked at me a lot during the meeting, too, from across the table, and I gazed back at him! Felt so good!



  309.  #309Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Thanks, Brenda.

    My daughter just said to me, “Well, there’s always [her lit prof].”

    I said, “Is he fun?”

    She said, “He has a good sense of humor. He’s funny. I don’t know how fun he is. He’s definitely more NORMAL than you are.”

    “What’s THAT supposed to mean???”

    She laughed. “Well, [Getting Further Away Man] was WEIRD, the same kind of weird as you are. [Lit Prof] is more normal.”

    ARGHHHHHHH!!!!! See, he was perfect for me!!!!



  310.  #310Cinnamon on May 25, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Siena and Rori, thankyou so much for your comments. Been listening to modern siren on a loop and feel much happier and more centred. Also looked through some of the posts on the bagger reclaim site and had an epiphany. He is emotionally unavailable and I’m a yoyo girl!! http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/boomerang-relationships-the-yo-yo-girl/
    When he acts interested I get drawn in but as soon as he acts cool I handle rejection so badly that I become obsessive. Why?! The message for me is that I need to do some more healing using rori’s tools to stop taking rejection so badly. I’m letting go of control. I can’t control him wanting me. Universe thank you for the message no matter how painful.
    Lucy- hugs to you.



  311.  #311Laughing goddess on May 25, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Lucy re: 298

    But him putting up that post doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t end up with him. It could mean a million different things. Abraham hicks would say that the reason you feel bad thinking that thought is because you inner self knows it’s not true ( the thought that you won’t have your chance with getting closer man) and your sadness is an indication that you are thinking something untrue.

    And if you were to start thinking different thougths like ” this is no big deal, I was looking too, and I’m still interested in him, maybe the timings not right yet, there is still a chance things will work out with him. Or who knows maybe something even better will come along. Maybe it’s great that I saw this post because maybe it will help me to be more open to other men, maybe because of this post I will open up to others and I will be aware when my next love shows up, etc. etc.”

    you might find yourself feeling better thinking these thoughts and AH would say that the good feelings let you know that your thought are in alignment with what your higher self knows to be true.



  312.  #312Laughing goddess on May 25, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    “Your giving up and deciding that there is only one possible meaning for him posting that post is the only thing keeping you from love”

    I feel curious about what you mean by this.

    Hmmm, I’m saying that when we make assumptions about why someone did something, we close ourselves off to possibilities to be surprised by the outcome. We focus all our energy on feeling bad and that focusing and suffering puts out a vibe that blocks good things from coming in.

    I’m guessing that is why rori tells us to “be surprised”



  313.  #313Laughing goddess on May 25, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Thanks Lucy! This dialogue is helpeing me see where I could let myself “be surprised” in some areas of my life.

    I flet really good reading about your beautiful family and friends 🙂



  314.  #314Laughing goddess on May 25, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    ” It seems unbelievable that he wouldn’t want to at least meet me. I could understand him meeting me AND checking out other options in his new city.”

    you know the saying “it’s not over til it’s over”. You could still meet him. Yes he hasn’t stepped forward yet. But he still might. Just keep CD-ing, staying open to other men, and either he will step up or someone even better will.

    Either way, you win!



  315.  #315Lucy on May 25, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    I feel nauseous. I couldn’t eat dinner.
    I feel shut down.
    I didn’t even think “he’s the one” — but I wanted to meet him and spend time with him and I thought *maybe* he could be the one. I wasn’t even really focused on that, though — I just liked him a lot and wanted to meet him and play with him and see where things would go.
    I feel horrible, and angry at myself for liking him too much. I tried not to, I really did, but I failed.
    I feel angry at him.
    I feel closed off to dating anyone ever again.
    I don’t want to feel that way, but I do.
    I haven’t felt this horrible in many years.



  316.  #316Sherry on May 25, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    Lucy,

    Sending Hugs to you!

    I also played through email and text with a man for almost 2 months beofre I met him. Re #189 & #195. Needless to say it didn’t go well when we met which was my fault I’m afraid. I’m totally bummed about it and how much I liked him! I think I read somewhere Rori suggests meeting as soon as possible. I can see why now! I guess that is my message from this one 🙁

    I think the girls are right, LG#314 – it’s not over til it’s over! He may have put up a new profile for his new city, but I wouldn’t take that to mean he has no plans to meet you. He is just keeping his options open for now. I’m assuming your profile is still up? I feel the nasty voices taking over in your head and I hope you can unleash that goddess and shut them up! After all, if you don’t keep that beautiful heart open how can he, or any man, come in? 🙂



  317.  #317Simply Shannon on May 25, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Lucy, I feel bad that you feel bad. I don’t want you to feel pain over this guy but I understand all too well that feeling. If I saw Mr. Fab Kisser had an updated profile, I would feel upset. I know I shouldn’t lose sleep over him at all (I don’t even want him, not really) but I would still feel pain.

    And like LG said, he may want to meet you still. The timing could be off for him. And maybe he did want someone in his city to show him around until he can pull himself away from work in order to see you. I get that it’s just a story that we make up ourselves, but it doesn’t really stop me from hurting about it.

    I’ve said a prayer for your daughter. I’m sorry she’s having complications. (((HUGS)))



  318.  #318EarthDancer on May 25, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    Lucy: are you from Ohio? LOL I’m feeling validated someone else is experiencing the same thing! do we live in the same place? I feel the same about meeting men … haven’t met that many I want to sleep with … they can be attractive & sexy but unless I feel some kind of connection, I don’t want to have sex with them … hmmm

    *hugs* to you; I’m feeling so sorry and empathetic for your pain 🙁

    I know it doesn’t help you feel better now, but please remember Rori says to use CD’ing as FREE THERAPY to heal ourselves – not as thinking these guys might be the One – they are getting us ready for the One…

    I had the same thing happen a few months back, man pursued me, (we actually met) wined and dined, had lots in common, I felt relaxed and HAPPY, we became intimate, had a great Valentine’s Day – then Nothing. Gone. Vanished. Stopped texting. Stopped calling. I felt abandoned and used – how dare he not care for me? LOL But now I have learned to keep the focus on Me and not on the outcome of “is this the One” or not. I am confident Mr. Right will FIND ME and I will be ready because of CD’ing. Hope you feel better soon *hugs*



  319.  #319Sherry on May 25, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    Well Lucy, I am truly feeling your pain now.. I was just on the dating site and saw that the guy I was talking about that I liked so much and did poorly with on our date was on, and while we were both on he took me off his Favorite’s List. Not only that, about 10 minutes later, he removed himself from my Favorite’s List! I don’t understand why.. but I know what it means. It’s been a couple weeks since that meeting. I’ve talked to him once since then and it went ok. I wanted to talk to him a few times when we were both on, but I refrained. Leaned back.. guess I’m glad I did? Wow, this feels deflating 🙁



  320.  #320Michelle on May 26, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    I love Rori’s advice here. Just yesterday, a guy I met online asked me if I was talking to other members. I simply said Yes I am, and I feel like I should keep my options open, because I am looking to be married. However, if my prince charming sweeps me off my feet and makes me all his then I will be only his forever.
    I feel like this kinda got under his skin a little, because he said he wont talk to anyone else. But oh well, I made my point clear. And if he turns out to be my prince then I will hold up my end of the bargain.

    I have to say this feels very impowering. And no I am not playing games I am just stating the truth.
    Oh and by the way, after I said all this his response was, I think your the girl I have been waiting for all my life. LOL. Go figure.



  321.  #321Brenda on May 26, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Here’s a nice poem I’d like to share. I forget where I found it:

    THE PAINT BRUSH
    I keep my Paint Brush with me, wherever I may go,
    in case I need to cover up,
    so the Real Me doesn’t show.
    I’m so afraid to show you Me; afraid of what you’ll do;
    you might laugh, or say mean things;
    I’m afraid I might Lose you.
    I’d like to remove all my Paintcoats,
    to show you the real, true Me.
    But I want you to try and understand;
    I need you to Like what you see.
    So, if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,
    I’ll strip off my coats real slow;
    Please understand how much it hurts,
    to let the Real Me show.
    Now my coats are all stripped off. I feel naked, bare and cold.
    If you still love me, with all that you see,
    you are my friend, pure as gold.
    I need to save my Paint Brush, though, and hold it in my hand;
    I want to keep it handy, in case somebody don’t understand.
    So please protect me, my dear friend,
    and thanks for loving me True;
    But, please let me Keep My Paint Brush with me,
    Until I Love Me Too!



  322.  #322Cinnamon on May 26, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    Sherry & Lucy – I feel both your pain too. Hugs to you both. My current LI has updated his match profile (which he said he had deleted) which in addition to the pulling back is a clear message. After 8 months I thought he would just be honest you know? Why not just say its over?

    Now I have to go to a social night on Friday where he will be. We are both members of a social club and its new members night on friday which I have been booked on for ages and he has now booked on.

    I feel sick. I feel defeated. I feel jealous. bleh. I love my feelings but sometimes its hard to feel sirenlike



  323.  #323Rori Raye on May 26, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Michelle, Welcome – and Fantastic!! Love, Rori