What To Do If It’s Still “Casual” – And You Want More


The Question:

“Dear Rori, hi! I’ve been reading your advice for a little while and I would like to tell you my situation. I’ve been with a man for over a year, in a sort of casual relationship.

We love each other very much, we like each other and we’ve been learning to sort things out.

However, he is always telling me things that make me feel like he won’t ever commit or have a family, and other times he tells me that he is open to talk it thorugh in time.

I’m not sure if I should stay with him. I really love him, but sometimes I get nervous and feel unsafe in our relationship. He is loving with me, but I have this fear feeling that won’t go away. I would very much like to read your advice on this. Best regards, Diana”

The Answer From Natalina Love:

I’m so glad that you have found Rori’s advice blog! This is Natalina Love, I’m a Rori Raye coach and the Director of Siren School.

I really feel where you are in this relationship, this is such a relatable place for so many of us…. And there is really no reason for you to have to endure this kind of confusion in a romantic relationship partnership.

I know Rori would tell you exactly that you have so many options in front of you and what we can do right here right now to get you on your way to the relationship you want is to start embracing the fact that you DO have many options.

Diana, you mention that it’s a more of a casual relationship that you and this man have been carrying on….

This is where we all get tripped up once a man starts talking sweet to us, starts saying things we really really want to hear – like future talk, marriage, family…. Our insides are going stop start stop start stop start…. NO WONDER you have been feeling uncertain.

The advice that will help you the most right now, will be likely to feel really strange for you, at least at first. You’ll be likely to have a lot of feelings, thoughts, and worries run through your system as you adopt more of the Siren philosophy of opening up to what and who is ON-BOARD for you.

When a man is not sure what he wants and we put our life on hold to see if he chooses us, this knocks our whole concept of self esteem and self worth down to its lowest place.  I know from having been in this position way too many times and if we can save you even a little bit of doubting yourself and your value as a feminine energy woman that is my main objective here.

The fact that this man will sometimes drip to you, visions of being together and going all in…. I will say I think he’s really into you! But it’s still not any relationship guarantee and we have to believe him when a man tells us he’s more ready to jump ship – to abandon the relation-ship – at any time.  BELIEVE HIM!

I think you know that he is into you – you wouldn’t stick around if you didn’t feel good at least some of the time but feeling like an option for a man is a big problem, and what we are going to do is feel yourself as less like an option that he has and more like the prize that you truly are. Because you are!

If you let yourself imagine him in front of you right now, and just notice what feeling starts coming up for you….

Then completely shake those thoughts and feelings through your body and say “MAYBE” outloud, so you can hear your own voice – however your voice feels for you, I want you to be able to hear yourself, and feel the vibration of you in this.  “Maybe” .

Maybe this man could be a great partner.

Maybe we could enjoy more connection and commitment together.


Just see how that feels in your body.

Don’t make anything you experience right or wrong.

There is no right or wrong, for now it’s just the experience of what energy is flowing through you.

Now, turn your consciousness away from him.  While you are reading this note, turn your body away from where you imagine this man to be. Turn in your Chair.

Maybe…. I’m ready to see someone who is 100% sure about having a future with me in it.

Let your gaze soften out – you may first notice the wall in front of you, or your desk, or a painting on the wall…. just let your energy soften out to the world where you are already connected to every bit of love in the universe.

Where you already are connected and feel certain of your worth and value in a relationship, as a woman, as a partner.  Just let yourself receive all of this sense of certainty.

MAYBE….maybe this man will wake up and realize he cannot bear to live without you.

With a man who has a main focus of living Laissez-Faire, living day-to-day, more anxious about commitment and kind of here, kind of not….and you really just don’t ever have the experience of a consistent reliable connection….

One of the best things you can do for yourself, him, and the relationship you want is to stop expecting it from him.

This doesn’t mean that you need to give up or go cold, It will start to look like you are making more choices that feel good for you.

Filling up your love bucket for you.

Diving into well loved hobbies, getting involved where you can feel that “I CHOOSE YOU!” Vibe.

For some of us newer to the transformational self love movement – This vibe of us being the first domino, choosing ourselves and exploring full ownership of our desires, it’s a total game changer!

In all of the Siren School Programs, we do focus on getting more and more immersed into this type of Feminine Energy World Building.

Where once we are radiating more and more from our Siren self that vibrance, love, passion for being alive, getting our priorities aligned with what we need in order to feel like we will be okay no matter what….

That’s when the magnetism ramps up too.  Men who were once too indecisive start making up their minds….

There’s also the chance that you may just feel less interested in him or any man who looks at you and the relationship as a chore.

The truth is that yes, relationships do take work and can be well worth the effort.  Though that still doesn’t make it everyone’s cup of tea. That is good information to have about someone we want to make a team with.

If you are not already familiar with Rori’s way to circular dating, or feeling any type of hesitancy, guilt or shame for not being totally available for a man who has not chosen you yet….I know Siren School Coaches can help you turn that around fast.

I can arrange for you to meet with one of our coaches who specializes in what you’d most like help with, i.e. the realm emotions, dating, confidence, self-worth, relationship… all of it! – through Siren School for one or more sessions:

1. The Sirenity Program: $477, offers 4 weeks of Sirenity Coaching with experienced, well-known Rori Raye trained coaches. and you would be welcome to work with me via zoom and email if you like through this Sirenity Private Coaching program. We’ll work together in 3 full hour zoom sessions (3 x 60 minute sessions) and communicate over voxer or email between sessions for integration.

2. The Siren Circle Program: $297, also 4 weeks of 3 hour sessions and support and coaching over voxer or email between sessions, with newer – yet excellent! – Rori Raye coaches, here-

Love, Natalina

Siren School Director


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