What To Do With Guilt, Shame, Regret, Self-Blame…

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Guilt, shame regret, complete inability to exonerate yourself.

Forgiveness, generosity, compassion – where do all these things go when we are experiencing pain and have no one to point a finger at but ourselves.

A man who is obnoxious and cruel… That’s easy! It’s easy to deal with terrible behavior in men.

But do we feel satisfied after blaming them and being angry at them?

No return it all on ourselves blame shame regret anger, diminishing everything on ourselves, because we allowed it to happen!

Essentially, we focus on taking everything on our shoulders, and label everything as “bad”.

We tell ourselves, over and over: we chose it. We missed the red flags. We missed the signs, we didn’t hire the coach who would give us the exact things we needed to catch in order to stay on track and only entertain the kind of man that we want.

The expectations we have for ourselves are just monumental.

There’s so huge, we can’t even allow ourselves to flutter once.

And is it really all because we cannot except ourselves is magnificent, huge, powerful?

Is it because we’re also wounded and used to being the butt of blame for things that went wrong in our household and our families?

Is it because we were loved more when we took the blame?

Is it that we never felt taken care of enough to simply feel joy and forget about blame?

I was listening to a video by Matthew McConaughey, where he’s doing a speech at a university about important things in life… And the one that really hit me was his differentiation between happiness and joy.

He described happiness as an externally instigated emotion.

That we are happy or sad, depending on what has occurred outside of us.

But that joy is an internal feeling of enjoying what we are doing.

So for him, an actor, he feels joy, just expressing himself, and working on a set and doing a scene and feeling really good about it about the experience. And happiness would be seeing how successful that film is or how people would acknowledge him for doing that role.

Well, I love it when people describe emotional sequences, and the way feelings and thoughts develop, and steps to feel better and rid yourself of old patterns of thinking, and to feel better about yourself altogether.

And for me, finding the thing in the moment that relieves me of the worry and the guilt, and the shame, and the responsibility for literally keeping everything in the world afloat doesn’t work with the positive or negative experiences out in the world or even the joy and happiness I feel when I’m having fun or doing something really cool…

Like on Saturday I got to be in a an art class. There were about 30 of us and a model, and it was just exhilarating and joyful… And yet, that is not the source of my overall feeling about myself in the world and my position in the world and the universe and all of nature and all of spirit.

That still comes and goes… Even though it was my personal experience of joy it still took the environment to generate that feeling in me.

So, if I’m just sitting all alone and overwhelmed with fears, and worry and regret and guilt for having done something, or not having done some thing, what is the cure for that?

And that is essentially the question I get asked by women more often than anything else.

Because, if we could solve that, then the “how things are with any man” wouldn’t really throw us a curve!

It really wouldn’t be that all encompassing… Because we would still have our connection to what’s important… To what people call source, or the vortex… All of those things.

And, though it would still feel like we have to make a choice about how we perceive and how we see something – that choice can be made with a new Siren Tool in a way that feels good, and totally self-affirming.

This new Tool is called The Feminine WANT Process, and it’s essentially a shortcut that works for so many women (and works for me, too!).

It really all hinges on not trying to feel better, not trying to get over bad feelings, not trying to get rid of anything – but simply looking at and experiencing what’s happening in the moment in a new way.

To learn more about the WANT course, and how you can go through it with live, one-to-one individual training, plus incredible materials – visit here: 

Love, Rori

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