What To Do With Your Anger – A Man’s Point Of View

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Here’s a comment made by Matt in response to a series of comments started off by “Heartbeat” about how to handle your emotions – especially anger:

“I’m no advice columnist, but my first inclination is to tell you that a man needs to be able to receive your honest words, he needs to be able to deal with your anger. If he can’t, what’s he gonna do? He needs to be able to receive it, and use it as a growing experience, and you need to feel comfortable telling him. An ideal fairy tale? Maybe.

Anger can be very irrational. It can be childish, mine is sometimes. My anger is not always justified and rational. Does that make it something I should cover up, or can I express it? It depends who I am with.

If your man can deal with it, and he’s strong, then it’s great to tell him. Not for every little thing of course… little things are important because they can represent bigger principles, though they don’t always.

Him becoming comfortable with your anger may be a good start. I’d recommend he read Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton. That book is a rough roadmap for how to communicate honestly in a relationship, and I think is helpful for all men to read, maybe women too. It was written with more of a man’s hand though, so probably why I liked it, and it’s written a bit unorthodoxly.

Maybe Rori can jump in here, cause I’m no expert, and maybe there is a better book to read, or maybe it’s better not to engage him at all. But I recommend he do something because it’s clear you are working on communicating, you are working on something that will grow the relationship. What’s he doing?

Best, Matt”

Matt, thanks again – and I’ll jump in here.  First “Radical Honesty” is a fabulous book, I recommend it to everyone.

The bottom line issue here is – we women are always trying to make something happen – to make a man want to do something, or inspire him to want to do something, or just to GET him to do something.

And so we’re back to the How-To.

If you’re struggling with how to express yourself to a man, and how to handle your feelings when you don’t know if you should “talk to” him about them, or just “let-er-rip” or stuff everything down until you’re able to figure out what to “do” about them. Here’s my process:

1. STOP doing what you were doing before that wasn’t working.

If the way you’ve been talking to him about your feelings is NOT making YOU feel GOOD and closer to him – Stop. Stop cold.

That looks like;  Stop telling him what He’s doing wrong.  Stop telling him he’s making you unhappy.  Stop SAYING you’re unhappy.  If you say nearly ANYTHING (and Matt, correct me if I’m wrong) that suggests any kind of improvement – a man will conclude that you are “unhappy” – and that you consider him to be the cause.  He will either take that on, believe he is the cause, and feel bad and resentful, or he will believe there’s something wrong with you.

A man who goes blank at the word “emotion” cannot even find his own.

However – if YOU can…

2. Be at peace with YOUR emotions, and express them in a simple, straightforward way – he feels YOUR emotions, and that feels safe to him.

Sounds subtle, and it is – but then, that’s what we’re about here – subtle baby-steps that change the air between you and a man.

What does it mean, to be at peace with your emotions?

It means to feel the fear you feel when you’re about to feel some deep emotion that your body and heart have been trained to feel frightened of, to feel judging of, to not like  – and not let that fear run you.

It means learning to experience your feelings and be okay with them.

From there, you practice speaking them – “I feel….”

From there, you get used to the messiness of it, and how sometimes it doesn’t get the reaction you want (but most of the time it will be a terrifically PLEASANT reaction)…and how it triggers even MORE feelings inside you you didn’t know you had and certainly aren’t in the mood to feel.

You practice giving up “pleasantness” in the moment so that you can feel the THRILL of FEELING what you feel – and it really is a thrill.

I’ve gotten used to my own unique sequence – as I feel tension in my body, I know I’m resisting a feeling.

So then I instantly start using Tools – grounding, object-touching, breathing, looking at what’s in front of me, getting present, saying a mantra, or just “I love you” to myself – and I can almost instantaneously feel the resistance dropping away.  My shoulders relax.

And in that first moment – I feel sad.

I can’t ever quite put my finger on what it is that I’m sad about – so now I’ve given up even looking for it.

I say that that instant of sadness is me being moved.

It’s me just letting go of my mask, my tension, my resistance, my pushing away.

So – I say to myself that the “moved” feeling is like a door opening…a breath of fresh air clearing out the cobwebs – and that there’s a sensation attached to it.

Now I’ve come to embrace that feeling as the first step that then quickly moves into a bright, free feeling of absolute presence in the here-and-now.

I cherish and enjoy that moment until…I move on to the next and whatever that feels like!

We women are amazing!

Now – the expressing part of all this – if I’m standing with someone and the feeling that comes up after my “moved” feeling is anger – then I’m going to stop what I’m doing, sink down, get present, and say – “you know – I feel awkward talking about this, but I’m feeling angry and disappointed, and I don’t want to pretend I don’t feel that way.  Can we talk about what’s going on with us?”

I’ve learned to do this with girlfriends, with my daughter, with my husband, and even with people I barely know.

And every single time – it opens up a whole new level of the relationship.

It deepens superficial friendships into living and breathing relationships I actually CARE about.

It creates EASE between us.

It releases the JUICE with my husband and I.

So – Matt, thank you for a man’s point of view.  And what I take from that is – a man can hear you when you’re mad.  Just learn to share it with him in this new, feeling, simple, non-accusing, non-making-him-wrong, owning your feelings and loving-yourself-and-respecting-him kind of way.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1alias girl on March 25, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    first post linmayu!


  2.  #2Ann on March 25, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Well I feel a little angry right now actually mostly just disquisted(sp). My hubby just doesn’t get it I’m so frigging tired of hearing the words “do you want to fool around from him”. He will put out trash, go to the store, pay the bills but he doesn’t lift one DAMN finger to learn how to even attemt to win my affection for him back. He’s a grown man and I’m tired of telling him what I need. I’m not drawing him a f_ing map.

  3.  #3Erika on March 25, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    All I can say too is THANK GOD when you finally meet a man who can handle emotions — all of them. It is such a friggin’ relief.

  4.  #4alias girl on March 25, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    Yae. I feel excited. I completely re did my profile according to the suggestions in the booklet that came with the Targeting Mr. Right program. I put up more pictures.

    I can’t wait til i get home and start to listen to the program!!!!!!!!!

    I feel committed to my dreams. 🙂

  5.  #5Linmayu on March 25, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    5th post…I must be sleeping on the job.

    (Actually, since we’re about to hire a fuckton of new people, I’ve been actually WORKING on the job and not able to post to here in between phonecalls anymore…le sigh, I’ll probably never get 1st post again.)

    I’ve had amazing experiences with being able to express my feelings to men. I still can’t do it on the phone, talked to a new guy Sunday night and was all up in my head in a panic…but at least I emailed him the feeling messages afterwards and that opened up an entirely new conversation–whereas had I not done so I doubt I’d have heard from him again.

    Mostly, though, I just feel tired. I don’t know where I found the time to check POF and reply to people every night. Oh right…it’s the time I’m now using to make myself healthy lunches for the next day at work. I eat all 3 meals away from home during the week, and I feel like a bag lady carrying all that food, but it’s so worth it not to be subsisting on fast food and coffee. My body feels better. Men and anger–theirs or mine–are pretty far from my mind at the moment; I am enjoying the eye of the hurricane while it lasts.

  6.  #6Daria on March 25, 2009 at 11:46 pm

    Yay Linmayu… I feel so calm and content and dignified reading your post. Yay. I really like the word fuckton too. haha.

  7.  #7alias girl on March 25, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    i feel sooooo happy to hear of linmayu’s healthy big bag o’ food!!! yae.

    so l’m a half hour into rori’s new program Targeting Mr. Right and it’s FABULOUS. i honestly had low expectations. c’mon. i’ve read the book. the heart connection. the siren. i’m on this blog twenty times a day iread everyone’s comments, all rori’s posts. i use the tools. i’ve been following along what do i need this program for? it’s for people who don’t quite keep up. but lve got it all it’s just not working fully for me yet.

    well i was incorrect. this program is getting me excited again. i am going to circular datin successfully the rori raye way and find good good men.

    i honestly don’t know if i will settle down. i really really want to but i am NOT going to stop dating until a man fully claims me. period. a man that I CHOOSE. other wise i will date forever and be very very happy to do so. so yae. my life just turned a winning corner. either way i win. yae.

    i wish i could translate why this program is godd but i can’t find the words. it’s like with riffing or with the work with emily vanhorn. i can’t translate the alchemy that takes place that is actually turning my life slowly but surely into the life of my dreams. i feel eternally grateful. ah. i feel teary and a clenching to hold the tears in.


    fifths not bad linmayu. 😉 heehee. xoxxo

  8.  #8Daria on March 26, 2009 at 12:16 am

    soooo… after a date yesterday I was driving myself home and I looked up and thought i saw my ex looking at me with “those eyes” but it wasn’t him of course because he doesn’t live in my town. So I felt a really strong feeling and realized that I don’t feel “that feeling” except around him. But I could try to practice feeling “that feeling” maybe or what I like about it.

    Well now I just found one of our friends on myspace and ran into a FULL ON picture of my ex staring at me… My eyes feel watery as I write this and my back feels all tense and I feel so excited. He is doing his look too, and one of his poses. I feel freaking shook and my eyes are watering. I feel totally attracted to him like a girl to a movie star. I am feeling nuts… woo hoo… I feel happy as weird tears are falling down my cheeks. What kind of trigger is this…

    Sorry but I am going to stare at his picture some more…

    >>??? what do you guys think?

  9.  #9Daria on March 26, 2009 at 12:27 am

    I feel like I’m smiling hecka hard and my chest feels tight. I want to yell YESSSS And pump my fist in the air but I won’t because people are sleepy. I FEEL SOOOOO EXCITED I feel like I am caught in my lower abdomen. And I HAVEN:T EVEN LOOKED AT THE PICTURE AGAIN YET.

    I did get a message that: LOL I CANNOT BE HIS FRIEND!!!!


    I feel tense in my rihgt abdomen and I feel like smiling and my eyes are watering again.

    It is a feeling of intense joy and pleasure… loool… I feel embarassed…
    ah I feel a little relieved now lol…

    Wait a minute, /I CAN be his friend. Right now I do not feel like his friend though. Although I do sometimes feel very excited to see my friends. This is

    I looked at the picture again and I feel sucked into it. I feel sucked in by his eyes and then his lips and then his collar… I feel totally leaned forward being sucked in like into a black hole. My mid abdomen feels tight and my eyes started to water again and I started feeling shaky.

    I think I practiced “obsessing” over boys when I was younger and this reaction may be the result of that… anyway thank you it is ok now…

    SOOOO… how can I best work with this?

    (This man has not initiated contact… maybe me seeing him places is the result of energy he might be starting to put out there (he did ask my godsister about me))… but my running in a safe place by seeing him in such a picture that so reminds me of him when he tries to be charming and attractive is good… it can be very helpful… I feel insecure…

    I want to practice feeling leaned back and secure and I can USE this…

    I want to stare at it just a little bit more though now…

  10.  #10Daria on March 26, 2009 at 12:29 am

    You guys don’t understand. He is soooo attractive. I am trying to tell myself “it’s just a picture” but I stare at his eyes and I feel melty… I again have watery eyes…

    Rori help what’s going on???

  11.  #11Daria on March 26, 2009 at 12:30 am

    He is so HIM!! I miss him so much… awww … I feel like sobbing now…

    Awww…. I feel sad so sad like a baby … I don’t feel sad I just feel like baby cry… I don’t know what to call the feeling… just Boo Hoo.


  12.  #12Daria on March 26, 2009 at 12:39 am

    I feel that finding this picture that is the only picture I have that really SHOWS him at his most DEVASTATING is a gift from my Goddess training angels. I feel there is a lot I can use and learn from using this picture but how do I start…

    A part of me says look at it and practice leaning back but I cannot even imagine looking at in and being abel to leaning back without emotionally detaching or half closing my eyes so that I wouldn’t be looking at his…

    HELP… this is EXACTLY how this man would look in real life to me if I were to see him… I feel OVERCOME by tensions and emotions… Should I just love htis?> I LOVE MY emotions… I love hte tightness in my shoulders, my neck my belly, I love the tightness under my chin, I love feeling sucked in… I love feeling frozen I love feeling under his control and even though a part of me want to be under my control I realize that I am under neither of us’s control because feelings just are and I can let them be and thank you for that revelations and I feel SO stunned and attracted and pinched in lots of places and I love my shock and attraction and the pinches I feel in lots of places…

    Any more ideas? Can I just cure myself now please…

    I can’t believe I used to look at this man like an immature younger brother and now I am having this reaction to one of his “cool” poses I used to be immune or maybe even amused by…

    It happened after I decided that I could have sex with him. Well. That changed it didn’t it. So this “nutso” reaction I’m having is related to my hormones I intuit. Hmmm… well it sure feels overwhelmingly strong…

    My eyes are watering and I feel like looking at the picture again…

  13.  #13Daria on March 26, 2009 at 12:47 am

    How does he do it how does he do it. I look at his pictures and litterally feel waves going through my body as I move like a wave. It’s kinda like having orgasms. They probably are orgasms or something. And my eyes feel wattery and my breath is shaky and sounds like “ohhhohhhohhh…ohhoohhoohhh.” I feel like a total groupie except this is a real man not a movie star. Although he certainly looks like a movie star and has movie star attraction skills.

    He is one hot Goddess lol.


  14.  #14Daria on March 26, 2009 at 12:52 am

    So there you have it lol… what I feel when I see this man. Now how do I feel it and keep my attention on me and lean back?

    I feel grossly unprepared…

    lol maybe that means I should sneak a peek at the picture… I do kinda see it out hte corner of my eye and my back is feeling tense and my eyes are watering again…

    BTW am I working with this trigger right now and getting somewhere or just treading water or maybe feeding an addiction?

    I better be making progress you hear me! HEhe … I feel glad… I feel happy… I feel melty… /I feel pinching in my stomach and under my nose… and I love feeling all my pinches, on top of my head too… thank you… even though it HURTS like a needle stabbing me ouch! I’m sorry your’e hurting bottom of nose!

  15.  #15alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 12:54 am

    i feel hysterically alarmingly amused ms. daria. heeheee. but only because i RELATE. i am literally laughing out loud. heehee. i have no sage advice. i actually hope to end up with a guy i feel that way about. why not?

    why not?

    as long as all the other things are in place.

    last i checked the blog was called HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT.

    but anyhoo like i said i have no objectivity or wisdom about this matter. i like feeling that way. and i like when the guy feels the same way about me.

    i feel that way about my #!. OMG. yum.

  16.  #16Daria on March 26, 2009 at 1:01 am

    HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE… Alias Girl youa re awesome.



    Did you mean you feel that way about your #1 ex too? That feels kinda comforting.

  17.  #17alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 1:26 am

    yeah about my #1 ex. mmhmm.

    but anyhoo i feel pretty sure you were on to something when you said the feeling is self created.

    i mean in reality it kind of is. so i’m sure if i find the right guy i can feel that way about him. i like feeling that way. it feels goooooooooooood. as long as the relatinoship is dealth with in a healthy manner. then why not?

  18.  #18alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 2:43 am

    alos when i first met my #1 i did Not feel that way about him i had reservations about his age and this and that. i thought he was good looking and sexy but i was OH MY GOD. in fact it almost never happened bc he called and called for weeks and i never returned the calls bc of all my reservations.

    and you said you once looked at this guy like your little bro.

    feeling is self created in many ways. not all. or maybe all who knows.

    i know with me my feelings grew the closer and more comofrtable i felt with the guy. now i think he’s super sexy.

  19.  #19alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 2:46 am

    i meant to write i wasn’t OH MY GOD.

    freudian slip? maybe. i don’t think so though. i totally almost blew him off. but i decided to “give him a chance” just to see what would happen. don’t get me wrong. i was attracted it just wasn’t like ZIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGG.

  20.  #20alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 2:50 am

    but now it feels like ZZZZIIIIIIINNNNNNNNG with him but whatever. i’m not even speaking to him rgihr now. but i hope to once i get how to circular date and becxome my full goddess self. then my three exes can return and i can put them in my rotation and then my #1 will become my king.

    haha that is my fantasy life. heehee. ah. i feel scared rori will disapprove.

  21.  #21Mercedes on March 26, 2009 at 7:12 am

    Hey Daria…I know exactly how you feel! That’s how I feel when I look at my boyfriend…and probably even more how I feel when I look at a picture of him because it brings back a wonderful memory. Anyway…it’s tougher for you because you aren’t with him…and that sucks!

    I posted about how to work through this feeling on my blog. That feeling when you want to lean back and you know you should but everything in you is pulling you forward? Oh…I hate that…and it takes so much focus to bring yourself back to you. It sounds so easy but it isn’t…I have to give myself tasks and timelines to keep myself from drunk dialing sometimes…lol

    You’re awesome!

    Much love,

  22.  #22heartbeat on March 26, 2009 at 7:24 am

    Hey!! Hi!!! Well now – that feels so astounding – I was thinking of posting again as I felt so excited last night, so I came on today and there’s this post off of a comment I left a while back…. I can’t stop smiling.

    Thank you Rori, for going into detail. And I felt a jolt – realising I already do this, not in the exact same way, but in my own way, still feeling messages though. I hadn’t recognised it. I was trying too hard.

    So I feel GLADNESS for that affirmation, and I also feel very interested in exploring the process inside me that would parallel Rori’s process. I feel a connection with the sense of feeling ‘moved’.

    I felt very stuck and confused and caught up in my head about saying ‘the right thing’. So I’ve been trusting that any new learning is sinking in and just letting myself happen.

    Last night I felt UNTRIGGERABLE. We went out and for the first time in years I felt relaxed, romantic and excited. Even though he was feeling depressed. How did that happen? I don’t know! I don’t feel i need to know, just feel good to be in that place.

    I’ve been through some mess too, and I learnt something else really important – some feelings I shared with him led me to realise the whole picture of ‘a triggered me’, so it’s a clear outline now, and I can really see when it’s happening. He hears me, it’s fine. I can catch myself before falling asleep.

    I apologised once after missing the effort he had made to connect with me. I felt bad when I ‘woke up’ and realised ‘my triggered me’ gets stuck and repeats the same message over.

    I’m still following you Sirens and send love to you all XXXXXX

  23.  #23Mercedes on March 26, 2009 at 7:40 am

    Heartbeat: I LOVE that! It’s very hard for me to be in a good place inside myself when my boyfriend isn’t. To hear someone who can and does…that’s so inspiring to me. Thank you! And you’re right…it doesn’t matter how it happened, the fact is it did. You felt romantic and good and relaxed even when he felt down. I can’t tell you how awesome that is! I tend to worry and wonder if there’s something I could have done differently or how I can bring him out of his funk. It’s awesome you can feel what you feel without your feelings being a direct result of his. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!

  24.  #24heartbeat on March 26, 2009 at 8:01 am

    Hey thanks Mercedes! I’m delighted you’re back. I’ve been enjoying your blog.

    Yeah – it helped being in a social place. I just got engrossed in the play, and then used a tool of my own that helped me with nerves in public, which is to step back, LOVE everyone by noticing their energy and humanity. It melts the judging that feels like a defence, and makes me feel happy.

    I also fell into the Rori Dance Position without even realising it! It helped that I’d watched Rori on Youtube talking on a chat show a couple of nights back.

    I had been able to HEAR him say, before we went out, that he was feeling quiet. That made a difference. By the end of the evening he was relaxed too, and I had a great time connecting with others. It was a wonderful evening!

  25.  #25moli on March 26, 2009 at 8:03 am

    I would like to pose this question;

    I’ve been seeing a man for 3 years and he’s been a bit iffy about committment which has caused lots of problems between us to the point where we are’nt going out anymore but we are still seeing each other from time to time and just trying to enjoy each other’s company and reclaim the fun we’ve lost on the way.
    I’ve been quite upfront about wanting a relationship with longterm partnership potential and that I’m unwilling to get into a relationship that doesn’t have the potential to go anywhere.

    I’ve also started circular dating. I felt I didn’t want this guy to find out from anyone else so I was upfront and told him that as we weren’t going out anymore I was free to start dating again.

    This guy then said there was no way he wanted to get back with me if I was already checking out these other men, as I was obviously over him and had moved on. He also said that he wouldn’t be able to compete with them… Is he just trying to manipulate the situation without offering me any real reason to stop circular dating? Can you suggest anything?

    Thank you so much


  26.  #26heartbeat on March 26, 2009 at 8:19 am

    My jaw is dropping open – I just got Rori’s latest e-letter ‘Bring Him Close When You’re Angry’ and it feels like EXACTLY the thing that was happening with me, about the ‘story’. What i call My triggered me.

    So much synchronicity! I feel amazed.

    I’d love to be able to get the Interviews online individually. I’m wondering if Rori has any plans to have them as Downloads. I don’t want to subscribe to the whole series again, though I really loved the year I did subscribe. I really recommend them.

  27.  #27Linmayu on March 26, 2009 at 8:36 am

    LOL Daria, I love your posts, and I feel envious; I have not felt THAT way about a man in a long, long, long, long time. I’m not sure I even can anymore.

    Oh wait, I can…I do get that feeling from a picture of a certain somewhat famous guy who died before I was born. I had it from my ex before we were married, and his friend for a year or so afterwards (that scared me to death and I never told a soul until years later) but no one right now. Even the most handsome guys on the street, I feel nothing. Nothing but angry that they aren’t paying attention to me.

    I want to end up with a man I feel that way about too. I feel happy to read that Mercedes feels that, and that Heartbeat has found herself untriggerable. Right now as far as me, though, I feel like the universe is saying “See what happens when you marry someone you’re attracted to? Get back in your place and settle for someone who’s at your level.” Like passionate attraction is just not for me anymore.

    …Yes, it is. I can Riff it back into my body any time I want. 😀

  28.  #28DocK on March 26, 2009 at 8:54 am

    This is an interesting discussion. I guess just figured I’d offer up my own story of using Rori’s tools (however clumsily) with my anger and getting indignant over this and that and how it has worked. I have included how I have applied them on a few different issues so hope not too boring for anyone.

    I had split up with a guy some time back but it always goes like this…First some polite emails then a little more flirting and then to getting together without resolving anything. Using Rori’s tools (however clumsily) I did a “whoa doggie” and said I felt I wanted to be with him and stop these ups and downs but that we never resolve the issues that caused us to part and before we jump back in we’re both smart people and we can figure this out.

    I got weird response from him to which I just responded, ‘OK’ and then he didn’t like that and it got more confusing. Finally, I just let go of my anger and said that I felt confused too, that I wanted us to find a way and I wanted to talk. He agreed.

    The conversation was tough going because, in a way, I was making him wrong and trying to figure out how not to do that – I was needing more connection. He felt like I was saying what he had been doing wasn’t enough and I said, “I appreciate everything you do, it means so much to me, but how do I let you know that I need just a little more without asking for it? He said, “I’ll do whatever you want. I’m just not sure it will be enough.”

    True to his word, he has been more accessible. Every time I hear from him I say, “Hey Handsome, it feels so good to hear your sexy voice” or something like that because, well, it’s true.

    Then we had a mix-up in getting together and he apologized all over the place and I said, “I do feel disappointed but mix-ups happen and from now on when getting together is a “maybe” or “iffy” I’d feel more secure if we just confirm.” I added, “I feel so wonderful with how you have been so connected with me and I appreciate you so much.”

    Then he called me one night but I was asleep. Next day he told me he had worked a double shift but said he wanted to just come over and kiss me and say hi but also didn’t want to disturb me. I told him that he was willing to do that when he was so tired – that I didn’t have words to say how I felt but he wouldn’t hear them anyway with the thumping noise of my heart beating out of my chest. He said that I had just made him feel like superman and couldn’t wait to see me.

    maybe this sounds silly but I have been told by so many “intuitives” that I have SO MUCH masculine energy (yet I have a very girly look) and I know that it is true. I often go off on these “stories” as Rori says and at times it’s been so bad I feel like I am, quite literally, a lunatic.

    I have such a long way to go but feel I have made progress. I wouldn’t have known how to do this without Rori’s programs.

    I feel a little weird having shared all of this, I don’t write much usually because I feel more happy being a listener and I read everyones’ comments. I learn from all of you and I feel my throat tighten and eyes well up with tears of happiness when I read of your triumphs. It’s clear that day by day – we are growing and siren-ing outward.

  29.  #29Daria on March 26, 2009 at 10:15 am

    I feel scared weird sad. I woke up this morning with that picture of him on my mind and I feel both excited and sad. I feel like I can’t have what I want.

    Kinda sux.

    I feel pist off.

  30.  #30alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 10:45 am

    docK i feel very appreciative and interested in what you shared. i feel very grateful and i learned from it. i also feel a lot of masculine energy from myself (and yet look girly). i believe my masculine enrgy has been learned though as a means of surviving a tough situation and for protecting my pretty sensitive nature. i am slowly learning to undo my man energy and melt my armor and it feels really good to have those soft melting moments like you described. i feel very happy for you and happy to read your story. 🙂

  31.  #31DocK on March 26, 2009 at 11:37 am

    Thank you Alias Girl – see – another thing we have in common (masculine energy and looking girly) : )

  32.  #32alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 11:44 am

    you know common thoery of psychologists nowadays is that we recreate trauma and traumatic incidents in our life allegedly to try and Master them.

    also though my theory of this second in time is — maybe that ENERGY IS TRAPPED and so is recreating scenarios so we can release it. Including anger (as discussed in this post) or sadness or whatever.

    so i believe rori’s is on to something really cutting edge . something as simple as Feeling your Feelings is cutting edge. YES! and rori gives us so many tools to do this and do this healthily without getting stuck in a bad place and wallowing.

    but my theory is once the trapped energy is finally released then one wouldn’t seek out those same situations and certainly wouldn’t be triggered by them.

    ??? this is what came into my head this second. it makes brilliant sense to me but may just sound like mushy nonsense or old new to read. but it feels Brilliant to me. heh.

    so i still have trapped rage (no secret) and also grief over being abandoned trapped in me. oh and also some rage about injustice.

    these are the situations i keep recreating in my life. oh yes and Terror about intimacy with other humans.


  33.  #33Daria on March 26, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    still feeling down about not having what I want from ex # 1

    i feel pouty lips and I love them… I love my dissapointed discouraged feeling and that feels like fear… and I love my fear… and that feels like a sigh of relief and like wanting to cry… and I love my tears and my sigh of relief… and that feels like melting into a puddle of sadness… and I love my melting puddle and that feels like big sigh of relief and smile!! whaaat! I love my smile and my sigh of relief and that feels like giggling and I love my giggling… yay

    i want to get out in the sun

  34.  #34alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    i love my army of men / frogs. the frogs are really really really good messengers. triggering my feelings of wanting to act out in rage, mean spiritedness, emasculation, disappointment and so on. and NOT acting out in those ways and trying to figure out how i would respond to weak girly repulsvie behavior if this was a man i loved and adored. how would i respond then? what words would i choose?

    but amongst my frogs i do have some princes and good guys showing up too. passing through or whatever they’re doing. sending goo positive manly energy to me. THAT FEELS REALLY REALLY GOOD. yae!

    i am on disc 2 of Targeting Mr Right program. it is so worth it for anyone. well actually i could stop the sentence there. but it is so worth it for women in and out of relationships and who want to get their Diva on and start receivng good stuff from men. i was a skeptic. i thought there would be no new info in here and there is. and it’s clear and simple. that’s the subtle tricky thing about rori’s tools and programs. she’s like a good dancer or athlete. she presents this brilliant empowering way of being in super simple way that makes you think oh Duh. but only AFTER you hear it, internalize it and incorporate it.

    a guy sent me my favorite e gift yesterday from the site. i totally wanted egifts and esp that one. i like gifts and gestures and small things like that. they don’t have to cost anything for me to be superpleased. (the egifts don’t cost anything) i felt so happy to get it. from a prince-like guy no less. i still feel really happy about it. 🙂

  35.  #35alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    OK. success story. i have successfully navigated thru my current immediate frog in my face situation. it was like trigger. trigger. trigger. trigger. trigger. it was Everything i could do to not just jab into him and call hima big ass pussy but using more passive aggressive way.

    i still said some straight forward things However i would have said those same things with those same words to a man i loved dearly so i simply can not do any better than i did. at the end he said i still had a friend in him. i said thanks. but ugh. ugh. major trigger. i’m not sure why a weak girly man inspires my anger. ? why should i care? i think because i am going against my instincts and try to quote unquote give him a chance and so i feel angry? i don’t know but i feel good about my developing frog handling techniques. i feel good about myself. i could become a frog trainer. for all those wanting to be princes and kings press option 5 and speak to alias girl.

    oh and ex #2 immediately resurfaced with a text msg after my frog exchange with the other guy.

    and since all my exes are deleted from my phone and since ex #1 has been on my mind i accidently got them mixed up. oops. i mean it wasn’t huge or obvious but it was to me. he’s like who’s xyz. this so and so.


  36.  #36heartbeat on March 26, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    DocK thanks for your account, I feel in accord – the process of expressing my feelings seems trial-and-error, I too have struggled to ‘get’ it, and then there’s the feelings that come up after. I spent a whole day last week feeling crazy after being brave and expressing a feeling of limbo over arrangements. To quote you: “I often go off on these “stories” as Rori says and at times it’s been so bad I feel like I am, quite literally, a lunatic.” Yes, me too!

    I love the way your story feels sexy and open, you seem to have enabled him to express more of himself by being brave and expressing your feelings.

    Can I join the girlface/ masculine energy gang please?

    I actually had some cheek cells examined under a microscope at school (ok a long time ago) and they were larger than any of the other girls. “You have a lot of testosterone for a girl”, said teacher. Thanks, Teech…. And I had my hair cut short as a little girl, so it would grow thicker. Which it did. Great. It’s a good thing I can look back now and laugh at the times my mother was asked ‘boy or girl?’, though I do still feel a mismatch of how I feel I look, and how I actually look. I have mirrors all over the place now.

  37.  #37alias girl on March 26, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    so ex #2 called. we talked. wanted to know if i wanted to come pick him up (his car is in shop) and go for a drive.

    i haven’t spoken to him in over a month.

    i told him that didn’t feel quite right. maybe some other time. he laughed. he knows. we’ve already been through it.

    haha. except now i’m way more godessey. i <3 me. and while we were talking the prince like guy texted me.

    i’m getting my diva on.

    I AM COMMITTED TO CIRCULAR DATING. i have to keep watching my Targeting Mr. Right program it seems to be kicking in!!! heh 🙂

    heartbeat i feel so happy to have you back. did you see ann’s leopard?

  38.  #38heartbeat on March 26, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    Hey Alias Girl, it’s great to BE back!! And as alwqays, I love reading your comments. You feel so natural to me in all your colours – funny, vulnerable, smart Goddess. I’m excited about your account of Targeting Mr Right – I’ll be following you!

    Thank you for reminding me of Ann’s leopard – YEAH it was fabulous! Powerful, playful and sensuous. I love Siren Island. Thank you Ann, thank you everyone.

  39.  #39Rori Raye on March 26, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    Welcome, Moli – and Yes – he’s just trying to control you – even though he knows he has no right to. AFter 3 years, if he isn’t up for commitment, you ARE moving on. If he wants to date you, TOO – that’s fine! Tell him you hear him and that it feels bad to commit yourself to him when you don’t know where things stand, and that you would love to date him if he’d like to do that, and will understnad and iss him if he doesn’t. Period. Smile on your face. Love, Rori

  40.  #40Ann on March 27, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    Heartbeat so glad to see you back. Ifeel so thrilled all the ladies are likely our leopard and saying such nice things. I’m along on the journey of trying to be more feminine with you ladies.