What Voices Are You Listening To?

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zeke1Our brains, our thoughts, our heads – are a constant swirl of voices, of thoughts, of words, of patterns, of old cycles, of buttons being pushed and reacted to – it’s a never-ending cacophony of voices.

The only question is: What voices are you going to listen to? Which voices are you going to entertain? Which voices are you going to feed?

Because it’s never going to stop.

The voices just go and go and come and come – it’s a pattern – like we’re a computer run wild. Running wild through our memories, through all the thoughts we’ve ever had, the experiences we’ve ever had – just like a computer, picking up data and

information from old times.

We used to think, in the world of psychology, when I was a Rebirther, that we had to “breakthrough” this pattern.  That we had to do something incredibly emotionally wracking in order to stop the pattern.

That we needed to make this intense breakthrough in order to break the pattern.

And that’s not at all true. That’s not what needs to happen.

It’s actually a very gentle process.

One thought at a time. One moment at a time.

Where you actually acknowledge and stay in touch with the thoughts and the feelings that come from those thoughts as they pass through, and you simply make quick choices, every millisecond, which of those thoughts you’re going to follow down.

Are you going to follow them down the rabbit hole?

Are you going to go into a mental place where you forget where you are and what’s going on around you?

Or are you going to feel your body? Are you going to smell the air? Are you going to take in the leaves and the air… and the fact that you’re alive?

Are we going to go back to the things we’re worried about? Or are we going to look forward to the next moment?

So this is how we live our lives in a constant state of breakthrough…

Because, as we re-program this mental, physical computer, instead of using and enhancing the data and information that’s been there all along and repeated over and over  again, we’re allowing new data – the sound of the birds that are happening right this minute, the sound of the cars in the distance, the air –  to impact us in a brand new way.

Love, Rori

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79 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on November 6, 2014 at 7:29 am

    “One thought at a time. One moment at a time.”



  2.  #2lovetodance on November 6, 2014 at 7:56 am

    rori….
    thank you for writing and recording this

    this to me is what meditation is…one awareness at a time….

    ‘you can have the thoughts, but you don’t need to invite them in for tea’….

    yes this is our work….

    i feel that you express this wisdom and remind us here so we can feel, see and learn from….

    i love the car sounds in the background….it symbolizes to me the noise in my being that is always there…to acknowledge that and to acknowledge the deeper loving gorgeous truth that is beneath it all.



  3.  #3sweet goddess on November 6, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Awesome. So much feel good stuff in the world, if only we allow it in. Love to all sirens <3



  4.  #4Mandy on November 6, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Glad I read this just now. I feel very present. The article reminded me of that, the Artist’s Walk…because I feel very calm and sound after a hot bath and that was nice…I so, so, so love that feeling…breathing in and being able to savor the air, even. I have a moment, why not slow it down and “undo” my shoulders, which have been a bit sore lately?

    I feel some things went between myself and a friend last night that were questionable, but honestly I am opening myself and allowing myself to feel everything and not caring about what went between my friend and I because J opened up again and felt the need to be intimate, and it’s going great. I am just dealing with the afterwards feelings I have been developing, which is probably the fear of the very intimacy I just had. That’s what it feels like. But I want to sidestep that and go straight to the yummy feeling…the feeling of being the “yummy pie” and to feel chased after. Which I do 🙂

    So right on though, SO many thoughts…so many to choose…and how many are positive, and how many are negative…you could pick any one…

    I want to pick things that feel good.



  5.  #5Yvette on November 6, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    I can feel tears on my face. My throat feels hot and my mouth feels cold.
    I feel so sad. I feel frustrated. I don’t like feeling this way.
    I feel relieved. I like how that feels.
    I want to feel more grounded.
    I feel urgent, I want to lunge forward. I feel desperate.
    I feel stuttery and jagged.
    Am I doing this right?
    I feel damaged.
    What’s wrong with me?
    I just wanted to ask what to do if he keeps leaning back in conversation.
    I feel like this huge trembling thing.
    It feels like an earthquake in here, I hate it.
    I feel embarrassed putting this here on a good feeling post, I feel ashamed.
    Maybe I shouldn’t post it.
    I feel afraid to show you my bad parts.
    I feel afraid of you seeing how desperate I feel.
    I feel a bit better..

    -This is my first go at Riffing, thank you for listening, I feel so grateful that this blog is here to help me.



  6.  #6Beloved on November 6, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    Yvette, that felt sweet to read, thank you. (((Yvette)))



  7.  #7Paula on November 6, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    Yvette,

    Dido…
    I feel the same way too…
    Thanks for sharing.



  8.  #8Victoria on November 7, 2014 at 12:14 am

    Yvette,
    Fantastic!



  9.  #9prplpsn28 on November 7, 2014 at 7:03 am

    🙂



  10.  #10Azure Blu on November 7, 2014 at 9:53 am

    Yvette…. Ahhh… i feel a warm fresh breeze reading your riff… Remarkable!!!
    Thank you…



  11.  #11April Rose on November 7, 2014 at 11:26 am

    Oh, learning the same lessons again. That’s where I am!

    Being in the ‘heart of pain’. The wounded heart, whose grief is endless.

    Remembering the ‘heart of joy’. The simple, grateful heart that’s connected to all life.

    Both of these hearts are mine. I winder how to hold and nurture the one that’s in pain, without her taking over my whole awareness….



  12.  #12April Rose on November 7, 2014 at 11:27 am

    I meant to say “I wonder”, not ‘I winder’!!



  13.  #13Azure Blu on November 8, 2014 at 12:00 am

    ((((April Rose))))
    A reminder to me that, yes… we do
    often times… need to learn THAT lesson again…
    maybe not to the same intensity…
    But again…
    oxoxo



  14.  #14Azure Blu on November 8, 2014 at 12:17 am

    Indigo #123 on last thread…
    I love this… and have started using it…

    ” When I have feelings of needing to lean forward…I let myself feel the urge, I look at them a bit, think about whether they are actually coming from something else. Another thing I like to do is play out the scenario in my head if I did follow through on whatever it is I’m feeling the urge to do. What is likely to happen? How would it feel?

    Often I just let the feeling pass, or sit with it for some time and see if it passes, and often it does. Sometimes, if I’m feeling particularly sireny, I redirect that energy to doing something caring for myself.”



  15.  #15Lilybelly on November 8, 2014 at 8:40 am

    From previous thread:

    Thank you, Rori for reaching out to my post. I feel happy to have read your message to me.

    Throw love at everything I hate about it. What does that look like when I really don’t feel love about any of the icky stuff.

    I am feeling better after the last couple of days and some one on one with Dominique.. I know what to do but it is in the visualization and the loving the icky stuff that I struggle with.

    The old me really wants to stuff it down, put it away..bury it but I feel very aware that serves no one, least of all, me.

    Step by step plan is how my boy likes to take care of me. He gets lost otherwise.

    And this post..so timely because the voices have been screaming..I would feel happy if I could get them to whisper.



  16.  #16Tatia on November 8, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    Rori – I found your voice so soothing and your message was ‘feeling’ provoking.

    I especially loved your comment “. . . a constant state of break through . . .”

    That’s exactly how I feel.

    How awesome!

    Thanks for for sharing a wonderful and new blog format!

    Always Amazed!

    Love,

    Tatia



  17.  #17Tatia on November 8, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    LillyBell # 15

    I invite you to allow those screaming voices to scream on and let them have their say. And then embrace them! Hug them until they quiet down. And if they don’t quiet down, then hug them anyway!

    This is what the ‘hugging’ looks like: They are a part of you, but YOU are in charge. You are in control. And you’ll take care of everything. You hear them, they are a part of you; You love them, and YOU are in control.

    Read back over your notes with Dominique and keep hugging. It’s going to feel better.

    Love,

    Tatia



  18.  #18Tatia on November 8, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    *LilyBelly (apologies – auto spell)



  19.  #19Tatia on November 8, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Yvette # 5

    Your riffing was absolutely beautiful!

    Next step is to feel ‘where’ in your body you feel your feelings.

    As Rori would say: “Brava to you!”

    Love,

    Tatia



  20.  #20Millie on November 8, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    Hi sirens, one of the guys who I’ve been talking to… Said something tonight that triggered me and I’m not sure why…. He lives out of state, we’ve actually never met, but we have a connection and have talked quite a bit over the phone, messaging, texts… He called and texted this week but I was busy at both times and returned his call/texts later. However I haven’t heard from him, he finally messaged me today saying sorry he’s been distant, but he’s going through a rough time and doesn’t want me to think he’s looking for sympathy, but things are rough for him right now and his head hurts. I replied that life has a lot of ups and downs and I’m sorry he’s going through a down right now and guess we’d talk later. He didn’t say much after that, just “sorry” which really triggered me. It made feel cast aside. I feel triggered because he has said this to me a couple of times already and chosen to shut me out of communication instead of talking to me about what’s bothering him. Obviously I want to talk to him, but I don’t want to be mothery or too “awww” about it. It seems like when he’s in these moods he wants space and will resurface when he’s ready, but it makes me question his stability and also the level of intimacy he is calable of. I felt useless and rejected tonight. I’m not sure if I’m over reacting or if this guy is even worth how I’m feeling… I just don’t know.



  21.  #21Mika on November 8, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    Hi Rori,
    I’m reading your books and listening to your audio everyday. It’s helping me and I only wish I’d read/listened sooner.
    I’m really hurting right now and feeling like I’m treading water. I’ve been feeling bad about myself so anything I try to say to my man comes from a place of lack I feel so awful and helpless. He works night shifts and I work during the day so our routines are different, he’s recently been friendly with a co worker who also has a boyfriend and I feel I’m losing him to this other woman. He’s in an emotional relationship with her to the point that tonight he came home drunk and texted her (nothing rude just friendly) and when i said i felt weird about it i felt like he deflected by trying to have sex with me which made me feel worse. he’s having more fun and enjoying her company more than mine I feel but at the same time since working the tools he’s been telling me he loves me again and even though I feel happy about it I go back to square one when I see him texting her or find out through looking at his phone that theyre in touch more than we are. He socialises with her after and outside of work and says he feels he can’t tell me because he doesn’t want to upset me or make me feel bad about myself. When I confronted him last week he said he felt like he can’t have any female friends and he feels he has to lie or avoid the truth and it’s making him feel resentful towards me. We live together and I know he loves me but I don’t know how to be bring his heart back to me in a way where I don’t feel mistrust about their friendship and I’m the girl he wants to be texting back and fourth. Part of me wants to say how I feel again but another part of me feels I’ve exhausted the issue and if I keep bringing it up its going to screw everything up. I constantly feel suspicious and untrusting and i just want to relieve the tension. Please help, anyone xx



  22.  #22Indigo on November 8, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    Millie 20,

    I know these feelings you are describing very well, because I’ve been in this situation myself before.

    And what I finally learned is this: I would encourage you to look at the energy bubble that Rori talks about in a relationship. It’s an exchange, meaning if you are sending energy to him, he can’t send energy to you. I know it sounds weird, but that is really how it works. So, I couldn’t help but notice you’ve said he’s done this a few times. This is exactly what I’d expect. It’s because the energy exchange has shifted somewhat in your dynamic. The first time he says he’s going through something rough, sure I’d have been a little understanding. “Sorry to hear that”, or something. The second time, I would have said NOTHING. Why? because the energy shift had already taken place. He is already leaned a bit back, and so I would lean back because it is the only way to right the energy again.

    Just lean back Millie. Don’t question yourself. You don’t owe the man your energy or sympathy. Just go off and do your siren thing, and he’ll come back or he won’t.



  23.  #23Indigo on November 8, 2014 at 11:37 pm

    I had such a great day yesterday. This D needing the weekend off was obviously exactly the right thing for me.

    In the morning, I went to an art exhibition with my mom, which was actually a walkabout with the artist, which is such a privilege. The artist explained each piece of art as we passed it, and she was such a soft, feminine, gentle, creative spirit it was a pleasure to be in her company. The art itself was also very soft and feminine – items from nature made in bone china and porcelain. It was just wonderful, I felt my mind expanding.

    Last night I went to a little club to hear one of my favourite musicians. I went by myself and this club was sort of small and dark and alternative, like a cubby hole in the wall. I nearly wimped out of going by myself because it was far to drive and I thought I’d feel awkward, but I was so glad I did. The place had a very accepting vibe, and I felt completely comfortable, sat by the bar and ordered a drink, and soaked up the music, which was absolutely fabulous. It was just so wonderful to be there, to absorb the energy from the musicians who are so talented and vibrant, and to observe all the different types of people I saw around me. I’m so glad I didn’t deprive myself of this opportunity, I had a great time.



  24.  #24sophie on November 9, 2014 at 12:08 am

    20 – 21 I felt curious reading this and I loved your response Indigo. This has recently happened to me also and it does feel so right on that its in the energy exchange. It feels frustrating though, Millie, I identify, when they withdraw and we would like to be able ‘to help’ or at least me ‘let in’ to listen and understand (and we miss them:( ) I agree with Indigo, in that the only way to go is by leaning back further (and then choosing if its a dynamic you still want to be involved in)

    I am on day three of my trip and wow! Once, you’ve learnt some Rori, you can’t unlearn it! I feel such appreciation at the moment that I’m having this experience. The Thai island I’m on is so beautiful and there’s nothing like being in completely new surroundings to bring you into the present moment and the feelings of things. It’s all new smells, sights, sounds, tastes, sensations. I am feeling excited all the time!

    I had intense Rori practice over the course of the journey and I wasn’t very good at it ha ha. I was booked to stay in a youth hostel the night from the plane and then to get a boat. I didn’t really know what I was doing getting a taxi from the airplane etc. Anyway, the kindly universe sat me next to an older gentleman on the plane who owns a bar on the island I was travelling to and wanted to take care of me so put me up in his (very swanky) hotel for the eve and then I joined him on a road trip to the island. His manager, a really nice man, and a driver came and picked us up and they made sure I got to my resort. It could have been risky (I know) but my instincts are generally quite good (other than with romantic attachments when I just ignore all the red flags!) and I felt comfortable.I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t. Anyway, there was A LOT of receiving (in a non-romantic way) required of me. I didn’t have to pay for anything and I was escorted, fed, watered, generally provided for. It felt very difficult to lean back and just receive. All the familiar feelings of wanting to give back or feeling ‘indebted’. But, he blatantly didn’t want me to even offer. In fact, he seemed slightly offended or at least very brusque when I did.

    The other thing I do is find it hard to switch ‘fix it’ mode off. I suppose, I’m so used to ‘doing’ and ‘managing’ everything for myself it feels quite difficult to let someone take the oars – and I am very not used to it.

    Such good practice and such a good experience to observe myself.



  25.  #25Millie on November 9, 2014 at 1:28 am

    Indigo—that totally makes sense. I am definitely going to lean back. Thank you!!



  26.  #26Millie on November 9, 2014 at 1:42 am

    The weird thing is…. I don’t feel I’ve been leaning forward with this guy. He’s been initiating everything and I’ve been responding. Maybe a couple time I texted first, but really I’m not “progressing it.” So the withdrawal comes a bit out of nowhere, anyway, last time he said that he called me the very next day. So who knows, but forgetting about it now and leaning back



  27.  #27Victoria on November 9, 2014 at 2:23 am

    Indigo,
    I loved how you explained it! You cant receive while you are giving! It makes so much sense, yet it is so difficult to do it sometimes!



  28.  #28Victoria on November 9, 2014 at 2:27 am

    Millie,
    A friend of mine had a similar experience, eventually the man said he had financial trouble and asked my friend ( whom he has never met) to please wire him 3,000 dollars…



  29.  #29Indigo on November 9, 2014 at 3:13 am

    Millie, Sophie & Victoria,

    I know it sounds strange and counter-intuitive, but that really is how it works. I had to experience it a few times before I got it, because I didn’t think I was leaning forward. As women, we feel good when we are being caring and understanding and connected, but we need to be careful of that with men because we need to be cognizant of when they are withdrawing.



  30.  #30Indigo on November 9, 2014 at 3:14 am

    Sophie,

    Your trip sounds very exciting! I hope you have a wonderful time.



  31.  #31Femininewoman on November 9, 2014 at 3:28 am

    Millie I hope you are not setting yourself up. There is no real connection until you have met someone. I encourage you to please ask yourself “why am I here”? There is no relationship that could possible be with anyone without physically being in the same space. To me this seems you are building something imaginary in cyberspace. Why would you want to put your energy there? Is it to distract yourself from what is happening in your real life?



  32.  #32sophie on November 9, 2014 at 3:39 am

    Thanks Indigo and Labbit from the other thread

    Indigo – its does feel so counter-intuitive – so uncomfortably so, but such a good lesson to learn I guess, in everything, especially when you’re someone who likes to take care of everyone. It could feel amazingly freeing I imagine to just open up that space for them to care for themselves and then have lots more space for yourself!

    I’m glad you went to that bar – it sounds lovely – that’s the kind of thing I like to do for myself 🙂



  33.  #33Femininewoman on November 9, 2014 at 3:41 am

    “I felt useless and rejected tonight.”

    I’d ask myself. This has nothing to do with him. We feel useful when we are doing something. Is it because you have nothing else to do tonight except talk with this guy. For me I feel rejected when I am offering someone something they don’t want or need. Why are you feeling rejected?



  34.  #34Angelica on November 9, 2014 at 4:52 am

    Omg, I haven’t commented here in such a long time, if feels weird. I have a need to repeat a lot of the material I learned just over a year ago.
    I also feel nervous, unsafe, scared, I feel a need to crawl into a ball and hide somethere. A guy I like but don’t know very well wrote very openly about longing to meet me and stuff like that on messenger and I feel very uncomfortable about sharing my emotions in text – I don’t even know how I feel about him right now, I just met him once a week ago and I enjoyed my time then. But what about now..? I can’t know that without seeing him.



  35.  #35Emerson on November 9, 2014 at 6:50 am

    Hello Sirens, just catching up with all your posts. Millie I agree with what FW says in #30. Putting your energy with someone out of state that you have never met seems difficult.

    Indigo, thank you for sharing about going to the club by yourself! That sounds like fun and I feel inspired by your story. Years ago, I would go out by myself after I graduated from college and didn’t know a lot of single people to go out with. It was scary the first time then I started doing it a lot more. I haven’t done it in a very long time, and maybe I should. I feel anxiety just thinking about it!

    I feel disappointed in myself and how i’ve been eating lately. I haven’t been exercising or eating right and I’ve been blaming my schedule. But there’s really no excuse. I need to get it figured out. I feel sad about it and like i am not taking care of myself. I think I will go visit a coach friend of mine this week and see what they have going on. He always inspires me. I miss my long walks with music on my iPod and time to decompress.

    Yesterday I felt a huge tension all day, today I feel better. It’s my weekend off and maybe my tension just had a chance to come out after all week at work pushing it down.

    In other news, cutecitycd has not contacted me. I feel sad. I feel angry. i feel afraid. I feel longing. I feel open. I feel shut down. I feel akward. I feel goofy. I feel shy. I feel confident. I feel sexual. I feel hesitant. I feel frustrated.
    and that feels like tension in my shoulders and clenching my teeth….
    I can breathe and do my walks and decompress….
    I feel open to talk to other men..



  36.  #36Indigo on November 9, 2014 at 7:00 am

    Emerson,

    Do you know how close I came to not going last night… I was comfortable at home and I felt that same anxiety you are talking about. But, once I was there, I relaxed completely, realized there was no big deal to my being there by myself. Everyone was very chilled and easygoing and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was so glad I didn’t let my fear stop me from having what was a really lovely experience. Today while I was out on my walk, I examined that fear a little more closely. I hadn’t really realized it was there, and this experience brought it to the surface for me to start healing, and I feel excited about that.

    May I make a suggestion about the exercise? Find a form of exercise that you really enjoy, something you can even look forward to. Don’t try to tough it out with exercise that feels bad. It makes it much easier to make it part of your routine.



  37.  #37Emerson on November 9, 2014 at 7:31 am

    Hi Indigo,
    Yes I like your suggestion to find exercise that I enjoy. I do have a few things I like, yoga, hiking, walk/run, and cycling. I would need to buy a bike though. Hmm that’s an idea!!!!
    Hmmm….
    You’ve got me pondering…maybe I should switch things up a bit!



  38.  #38Tee on November 9, 2014 at 7:38 am

    I’m new here so I apologize if I am not posting in the right place &/or the right way but I desperately would like some help.

    I’m a 40 year old stay at home mom. My son is 14 months old. I’m in a relationship with his father who I’ve known since high school. It was not a steady relationship at some points, but over the past 4 years we’ve kinda gotten it together. 

    The problem is that I feel that I’ve been driving this relationship for too long and I’m tired. I feel taken for granted, taken advantage of and just ignored at times. During our high school days, he chased me. I had my own friends and life, I was never really concerned about him (Eric) because I was convinced we wouldn’t last anyway. I ended up falling in love. Eventually, I moved to another city (not too far) and it seemed like my self esteem took a dive and I made Eric my world. 

    I chased him until I got him. I believe he would have come my way but I had no faith and no patience and I did not date others. Fast forward to today and there are days when I’m not sure if he Really loves me or wants to be here. He’s financially irresponsible, stubborn and hangs out too late sometimes. 

    I’ve tried yelling, threatening, talking to him, etc to no avail. Some days I fantasize about changing the locks and being done with him. Then, I think about our son and I feel my heart sink. I do love Eric but I don’t know what else to do. I think he believes that since he’s not cheating, that he should be able to just come and go. Some days he’s courteous enough to give me a heads up, other days, I feel like he’s just purposely being a jerk just so he can still feel like his own man, if that makes any sense. 

    All I do is wonder about him, where he is, what he does, will he disappoint me again, etc. I’m not working at the moment, I’m overweight, unmotivated and not so much fun. 

    I don’t want to break up my family but I need a plan of action for this man. I feel stupid for allowing so many things to go on. What I want is for him to step up to the plate, stop hanging out so much, find a better way to handle money, just grow up lol

    I have to add that I believe Eric has a touch of adhd so he always needs something to do and he seems to have a hard time sitting still. He’s also very outgoing, likes to joke around, goof off, make people laugh and have a good time. He’s great with our son, he loves to cook and clean. He was also the first to tell me he loved me and he use to always ask me to marry him. 

    The last time he mentioned marriage, it was in a joking way. I do want to get married but I feel like I need there to be some serious changes. I feel like I’m just a glorified roommate! No its not always like this. Actually, I think half of it is my perception. I’m an introvert, so when he’s home and we’re eating, laughing, watching movies, etc, I feel secure, safe and loved.

    When he goes out with friends or does anything without me lol I feel insecure. Yes I know I’m probably codependent as well. Gotta work on that. Sorry for the novel but I wanted to give you as much information as I could. I need to find my way through this. As I’ve been reading more on this blog and thinking about all the things that I’ve recently learned, I find myself unhappy and very angry and frustrated with my partner, I’ve been very sarcastic and pissed off, so pissed that I’ve been leaving the house more often because I don’t trust myself enough to not rip his head off. I’m just disappointed and disillusioned especially ESPECIALLY with the money part. I’m tired of carrying that responsibility alone.

    I know enough to realize that neither of us were given a handbook on relationships, and that we both need to learn, unlearn and relearn. However, I am seething on the inside yet despite the uncomfortableness of this feeling I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing because it means that I am gaining awareness and with the right direction, in the right hands, more progress can be made.

    I need to release this anger, I need to forgive myself and him for being human and unaware. I do have to confess that I am afraid of losing him. Underneath it all, he is my friend and my son’s father. But I can’t go on like this, we’re headed for a truly bad place if this continues on this way.

    I pray that I/we can be “fixed”

    Thanks, Tee



  39.  #39Millie on November 9, 2014 at 9:50 am

    Femininewoman–

    I am a little taken aback at your suggestions. I’m not THAT pathetic…
    I do understand your concern about setting myself up for an imaginary relationship, so would you suggest cutting off communication until we meet? I enjoy talking to this guy. And I feel a connection over a phone. We may not in person, I know that that is a possibility, but I enjoy talking to him over the phone. Why am I here? simply because I feel pleasure from him. (although that seems to be changing) I am in NO way using him to DISTRACT me from my life! This is just a small sliver…Something I shared here…but it doesn’t mean that because I shared it, that this IS in its entirety consuming me. Femininewoman, we have not met either, but your words still impact me.

    32–No, my expressed feeling of useless is not because “I have nothing else to do tonight except talk with this guy.” Would you like to know what I did yesterday? I woke up early and went riding, then went to parents house because this other guy that I went on a date with was coming over to help me work on my vintage car. He gave me a gift, a Tiffany’s necklace, surprisingly. After he left I went to the grocery store with my mom and a hike with her and our dog. Came back and had dinner with my family (during this time I received his message) then after dinner got all fancy and went to a rockabilly show with my girlfriend. So, no. I did not have nothing to do but wait around for this guy. In fact, as I mentioned before in my comment, I’m questioning if this guy is even worth it?

    I don’t want a guy that has all this emotional drama he can’t seem to deal with and interrupts the flow of our friendship with his drama. I believe that he does have some emotional problems. The rejection part of it, is I felt a wall go up pushing me out suddenly. My insecure little girl feels rejected when someone chooses to turn their back.

    He told me himself after our first conversation that he felt like I thought he has too much going on in his life. Well, I didn’t think that, but he seems to and perhaps it is a self fulfilling prophecy because now I actually am thinking that.

    Anyway, there are plenty of other men around, I just felt a little special about this one….but perhaps it is all in my head.



  40.  #40Millie on November 9, 2014 at 9:57 am

    Tee– welcome and what an emotional road you are on. I have an idea of what I would do in your shoes, but I am in no position to offer advice. I hear so much anger in frustration in your post, an overwhelming amount and I hope that you find guidance here to navigate through this difficult relationship, find happiness in your life, and create a happy environment for your son to grow up in. Looking forward to reading the direction Rori and others would guide you in. xx



  41.  #41Sequoia on November 9, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Feminine women
    This blog is about riffing like Rori explained in a recent post and it doesn’t feel good to read your comment to millies post at all.



  42.  #42Emerson on November 9, 2014 at 10:34 am

    38
    aww Millie…I can only speak for myself and I don’t feel you’re pathetic at all…I did not interpret that from FW message to you…I mentioned in my comment that I agree with what she said in #30 in that when the person is not in front of you the relationship is only going so far….
    it’s great to practice communication, and use feeling messages etc. with this CD…
    Sounds like you have a good connection, again I agree with FW that until you meet in person…you don’t really know…

    A friend of mine just mentioned to me the other day not to focus so much energy on CuteCityCD and although we do see each other occasionally, he is not PRESENT in my daily life or consistent…she told me not to put too much energy into it because it takes up space and maybe I won’t be open to another man approaching me….I felt prickly toward her at first when she told me that….then
    I kinda thought about how I felt and she is probably right….his energy is not coming at me right now, so why would I be putting so much thought into him?
    Not saying its the same as your situation, just that sometimes people have insight that we cannot see…the forest for the trees…
    love to you…xoxo
    Emerson



  43.  #43Victoria on November 9, 2014 at 10:38 am

    Tee,
    One important question comes to my mind – do you have a source of income as a stay at home mom with a very you g child?



  44.  #44Indigo on November 9, 2014 at 10:39 am

    Tee,

    Wow, there was so much that struck me when I read your post. May I suggest that you stick around the blog? because you will learn a great deal and get a lot of help here.

    I also wanted to suggest that you consider coaching as it seems like you would really benefit from it.

    The biggest thing that struck me from your post is that I would think a lot of your focus should go to creating more pleasure in your life, more good feelings about yourself and your life. To work on your self-esteem and feeling good and this will spill over into your relationship. A big thing that we work on here is that it’s not about getting the guy to change, the work that we do is all inner work and work with ourselves.

    Welcome!



  45.  #45Tee on November 9, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Thanks Millie for your comment and honesty 🙂

    Victoria, I am on assistance at the moment. I stayed home because my son was born premature and needed surgeries. Now that he’s out of the woods and is your typical busy body toddler lol I’m looking into a job and daycare. For starters, I will be helping a relative with office work. He’s my cousins husband and he would like me to do some filing, organizing and maybe take some phone calls. We’re in the very beginning stages of working together so there’s no set schedule yet. I’m trying to pace myself, be patient as I wait for another job and wait for a spot to open up at our neighborhood daycare. In the meantime, whatever money I get from him I figured I would use to spruce myself up; hair, nails, etc so I can begin to feel and look better.

    Indigo, yes coaching would help me at this point. I have done a few introductory counseling sessions and they were great. I’m also hoping that with this job, it can give me the extra $$ for counseling. I am seeing that alot of the work that’s done is inside work. I’m seeing that my frustration is from trying to change him and Make him change. I gave him everything in the hopes of getting everything in return, instead he seems like a man who’s not impressed with anything I do or have done despite how hard I’ve tried. Because of this, I’m slowly shutting down and closing off. I see now that I’ve been doing it all wrong all along.

    I feel like I’m in a good place as well as a bad place. 🙂



  46.  #46Millie on November 9, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Emerson– yes I see the point that this person who isn’t physically present is taking up space in my life and it’s my choice how much space, if any at all. I understand and agree with that, thank you and Femininewoman for that reminder.

    Femininewoman— I feel I was a bit defensive earlier and I want you to know that I always appreciate what you say even if my initial reaction is that of defense 🙂



  47.  #47Andrea on November 9, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    I feel so full and satisfied this afternoon. Just full, steadied, grounded, cared for.
    Spending the weekend surrounded by my family whom I have missed. Using feeling messages with my nephew who has a hard time opening up to people… I just told him “I feel like throwing my arms around you and giving you a big hug.”
    Later, sheepishly, this 13 year old boy says, “I mean… you can, if you want to… I mean… hug me.. ”

    So I just pulled him into me and just loved him so much. It’s been almost a year since I’d seen him. Oh the love.
    And using boundaries with my dad; allowing myself to simply walk away when he gets into the preachy mode. And because I let myself do that, I’m able to be present with him in the other times, when he’s normal, wonderful Dad again.

    I feel full, satiated, so blessed. So blessed. And now, back home again, I feel the peace and quiet of the first snow fall of winter for us, and I feel home.. really home… with just my two daughters and myself and we breathe our own air and have the space to be the individuals that we are.

    I feel so cheerful. So grateful. So blessed.



  48.  #48Rori Raye on November 9, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    Mika – you may decide over time that this arrangement is not the kind that will work for you (it wouldn’t for me – I’d be out the door in a flash…) AND – before you make that decision – you getting OKAY with this situation – falling in LOVE with it, getting confidence and “whatever” attitude might change things around completely. Also – you MUST get a life and CD outside – what you need is private coaching – try my new Trainees for FREE before it’s too late! Go to: https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/free-coaching-with-my-new-rori-raye-coach-trainees/

    Love, Rori



  49.  #49Mika on November 9, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    Hi Rori,

    Thank you so much for replying to my comment it means a lot. We’re going on a trip together tomorrow which he’s organised for a few days for us so I wanted to clear the air for myself beforehand. So today, I expressed how I felt and that I didn’t like him texting other women and that seeing him texting her drunk felt secretive and was really hurtful for me, I hadn’t got round to asking when he just said he understood and would stop texting her. We’ve been good the rest of the evening, I’ve been using feeling language and getting lots of affection. But that little nasty voice is coming into my head and making me feel anxious again, when he gets a text he’s telling me who it’s from and what it’s about which I never asked him to do but part of me is wanting to check his phone to see if he’s kept his word. Can I circular date when I’m in a relationship living with him?



  50.  #50Waterfall on November 9, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    Sequoia – I agree with you re FW but she is always playing Bad cop to Dominiques Good cop. Maybe it works and is part of Roris tough love approach. I’ve noticed her do it a few times over the years. The triggering is good for us though in the long run. It hits the spot so to speak…



  51.  #51Yvette on November 9, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Hi Girls,
    Thank you for your words, I feel more free and spacious. 🙂
    Yvette



  52.  #52luzydel on November 9, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    I have not been here in a while… I just felt being here was irrelevant to me since I decided not to seek romantic relationships anymore. But today felt the urge to visit so here I am. I have been dating myself and taking care of my own things. Thinking on returning to grad school next year and traveling. I have not felt these peace ever. Letting go of the thought that I need to be in a relationship has been a process.

    Sometimes the feeling of unworthiness comes crawling inside of me, but I realized that the conditioning of a life time cannot just be erased in a year. I am not the relationship type. As weird as it may sound I feel lonelier a lost when I am seeking a relationship or dating or have someone in my sphere. I feel at peace on my own. I am glad because I discovered thin by CDing men.



  53.  #53sequoia on November 10, 2014 at 5:44 am

    waterfall thanks for commenting on it,

    and feminine women
    I have been reading this blog off and on for over two years now and sometimes when I read it your post stood out. I could feel an angry and condescending vibe coming from you at times when you gave advice to others, which just doesn’t feel good.
    And I felt like speaking up as Rori mentioned the purpose of this blog.
    I think there is nothing wrong from pointing things out so at all, even when they are negative, we all need some honest feedback,its just the vibe behind it that makes all the difference.



  54.  #54Azure Blu on November 10, 2014 at 7:52 am

    Luzydel.
    I feel so happy to hear from you…
    I feel appreciation that you are sharing YOUR journey…
    when I think about how much stress and anxiety being close to a man, brings ME…
    I can see why you have chosen NOT to be in a relationship…
    It is something for me to consider and meditate on…
    :->



  55.  #55Azure Blu on November 10, 2014 at 7:53 am

    Mistea WOW!!! 10 days leaning back!
    YOU are doing so Welll!!!
    and Music man came forward…. AND spoke!!! :-))

    Thank you for posting how your leaning back is going….

    I have found… as I have the courage to NOT focus on a certain CD
    I have more time for ME…
    to explore why am I REALLY focusing on Someone else…
    Allllll the things I really want to take care of in MY life but am avoiding…
    Leaning Back is such good therapy for ME!!!



  56.  #56Azure Blu on November 10, 2014 at 8:04 am

    Sophie,
    How lovely your trip sounds!!!
    You sound very happy!
    I feel happy that you are sharing your trip here on Siren Island!!!



  57.  #57Azure Blu on November 10, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Indigo…
    Love how YOUR weekend went…
    You sound calm and excited about you!



  58.  #58Azure Blu on November 10, 2014 at 8:12 am

    (((Andrea))) from last thread….
    Lovely Siren,
    I feel inspired by the classy way you untangled your life from Bob…
    Softly…
    Being open to him joining you at the concert…
    Enjoying a night out with him…
    Having SOOOO much fun…
    Sharing YOUR truth… (I remember when raising 2 children with NO child support…a tank of gas was out of my budget many days)

    and taking EXCELLENT care of you and your daughters..
    I admire how you accept him just as he is!!!
    That is love…
    BUT
    knowing in YOUR heart, he is NOT the man for you…

    Everyday is OUR happily ever after!!



  59.  #59Femininewoman on November 10, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Millie notice I said nothing about being pathetic? That was the furthest away from my mind. Also I asked questions for you to ponder, I didn’t consider them suggestions.

    I definitely would suggest at least reducing communication until he moves to meet with you. I don’t know if you have, but I have seen Rori encourage women to meet up sooner than later. I am sure others can share that they have met men who wants different things. One of which can be someone to talk with. Some guys can keep the telephone conversation going forever so if I were you I would decide what I want. It is like putting a high value on your time and energy



  60.  #60Indigo on November 10, 2014 at 8:50 am

    Azure Blu,

    Thank you… calmness is a gift I consider I have gained in recent times, which I am very thankful for.

    xx



  61.  #61luzydel on November 10, 2014 at 9:06 am

    @54 Azurre

    It is a process for me, this is how I feel for now. Perhaps I am doing it all wrong, so for now the hunting for a relationship feel so wrong in many ways. I have to separate the idea that Relationship=happiness. Looking for a man’s approval has been more about the neglect I had from my father growing up. I wanted him to accept me and love me unconditionally, and I grew up feeling he never did. Hence my constant journey to find that man who accept me and loves me unconditionally.

    I know I may become the relationship type when I know It isn’t needed to fulfill those empty gaps I have since childhood. I am fulfilling them on my own. Some times I go on dates, not looking for a relationship per se, but looking for lost pieces of myself. Relationships just happen, there is no agenda or schedule, right now because of the stress it causes on me when I am looking for it, I decided not to look for a relationship. It will happen or not happen.

    I can date, or not date or be on my own for ever. It doesn’t matter. I have to stop looking for my father in every man I meet. That has been my problem and until I deeply stop looking for that validation, I will not be the relationship type.



  62.  #62Labbit on November 10, 2014 at 9:16 am

    20 Millie — I feel grateful that you shared this! Not only because I’ve been in this situation myself (and like you, seriously wondered why the guy was pulling back?!) but also because Indigo’s response in 22 is so dang good I feel fuller and yummy just reading it! Thanks for opening yourself up Siren so that we could all benefit. 🙂



  63.  #63Labbit on November 10, 2014 at 9:22 am

    23 Indigo — That all sounds wonderful…I’m so glad the weekend was a good one for you. You sound very steady and grounded, it is inspiring to me!

    34 Angelica — I might make myself less available to this man over text and messenger…if he’s reaching out I might respond at my leisure and say something like “Oh I’ve felt so busy today! Can’t really chat right now, it would feel great to see you soon…”



  64.  #64Femininewoman on November 10, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Luzydel I felt really moved by your comment sharing your childhood history and how it has affected your life.



  65.  #65nyx on November 10, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    Sequoia,
    I haven’t been on this blog for years, but I HAVE felt I appreciate Femininewoman’s posts. In few words, she always manages to make me think and analyze.

    As for Rori wanting us not to give advice, I can understand why, absolutely, but I will also miss it- I guess it is because I grew up in a family where EVERYONE was extremely generous, not to say blunt, with their advice- much to everyone’s benefit. You just knew you didn’t have to take any advice, and you would carry the responsibility if you did, and you could contradict it or ignore it freely- but you could also pick the pieces that seemed logical, and experienced, and ponder, and apply on your own situation. I see so many wise sirens here, that I will miss the different approaches. But I trust wisdom and experience will still seep through, all the time, so I will definitely keep reading.

    Love to all of you- if I would describe every single one on here with one word, it would be BRAVE. Brave to see the reality, brave to want to change it if it is lacking, brave to explore.



  66.  #66Millie on November 10, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    Femininewoman, I think centering my life around a man and having nothing to do but wait for his call is pathetic. If I did that, I would feel pathetic. I have done that… And it was awful. So, yes, you did not use the same words, but that is how I read it. I agree about meeting someone in person sooner than later. He has invited me out and suggested meeting up for New Years and also is considering moving here but money is an issue for him right now and I don’t feel comfortable paying to go see him. But I understand that I should choose how my time is spent wisely.
    Thank you



  67.  #67Femininewoman on November 10, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Millie I understand. Still I ask, who taught us not to operate in that fashion? Most of us saw our mothers and their friends center their world around their men.

    Maybe there really is no need to describe it as pathetic. Just to notice, be aware and try to change the pattern.

    My style is to ask myself tough questions so sometimes I write them here.



  68.  #68Emerson on November 10, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    Hi Luzydel !!
    Nice to see u…



  69.  #69Radiance on November 10, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    I have been following this blog and Rori for several years and have gone through huge personal transformation. Rori’s material is amazing…almost every man that I go on a date with wants to see me again and says there is something different about me. Usually, I have no problem believing what these men say to me. I take in their compliments and glow brighter…knowing what they say is true because I have done the work and I FEEL different!! However, the man that I have been MOST attracted to on every level is the one man I am having trouble believing!! Why am I doing this to myself!? He says he was taken by me from our very first conversations, he is falling fast and at 50 years old he is feeling something with me that he has NEVER felt before in his life. He says he is in completely new territory with me and has never felt so open and comfortable! And he is impressed with how I handle myself and my emotions…I can thank Rori for this! Who wouldn’t want to hear this from the right man!? What is wrong with me that I can’t accept the words from the one man that I really like! I know what I have to offer and love who I have become! Yet, there is that little bit of me that still says Im not good enough. When men tell me Im beautiful, I believe them and I feel it…but as soon as I saw pictures of his ex and how gorgeous SHE is it made me wonder WHY he wants ME! Its like I suddenly felt deflated! Im feeling like an insecure teenager which is so NOT who I normally am!! Im now asking myself how, at his age, could he be madly in love and taken by a woman for the FIRST time! Really!?!



  70.  #70Millie on November 10, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    Yeah I understand 🙂



  71.  #71Rori Raye on November 11, 2014 at 8:45 am

    Radiance, Welcome – and these kinds of thoughts never go away in ANY of us! They are just thoughts, old stuff. The trick is to learn to live with all this stuff coming up. To literally FALL in LOVE with it! If you practice loving even the triggered feelings that come up, breathing, sinking into the feelings and gently allowing them to move to thoughts and feelings that feel better (nature, flowers, being alive…) the patterns will soften, and you’ll feel more peaceful. This is the work we ALL have to do! Love, Rori



  72.  #72Jeanette on November 12, 2014 at 2:47 am

    I to have been an avid reader and follower of Rori’s ebook and blog for a few years now and am in a relationship with a wonderful man but have a reoccurring voice that always upsets things. I do have reason, from time to time (every 6 mths or so) my man who I will call JC contacts an old friend who is female. He did have insecurity issues due to some horrible relationships where he was treated really cruelly, and during one of the on/off splits with his ex this person and her friend was there for him and helped him. He has her as a friend on FB and when he is feeling down from work, maybe attention seeking or an ego boost, I just don’t know, he does send her the odd message. They are not flirty or sexual and are not often but really get to me as I have the nasty voice in my head saying if it got to more of a chat he will meet her for coffee and then who knows where it will end?? He would be amazed that I would think that and probably disappointed in my lack of trust ( I am supremely suspicious by nature of everything) but I do trust him and know deep down he wouldn’t risk what he has with me, but I cant get rid of the voices!! Any help please 🙂



  73.  #73Yvette on November 12, 2014 at 7:28 am

    I feel confused and fuddled about a few things.
    I feel a jittery sadness in my chest.

    I just want to make sure I understand:
    Moving the relationship forwards, approaching, engaging, pursuing, making things happen and initiating – does this all fall under the umbrella of the Masculine’s job?
    I would love to hear if I have the right end of the stick, or to hear it clarified.

    I feel shaken.
    I feel very attached to my scaffholding, to my armour.
    Behind it, I feel sad and very anxious.
    I want to get away from these parts.
    I can feel a pulling in the front of my body and it feels so sad..
    I feel a bit relieved and suprised. I touched that and I feel okay. I’m letting you guys see it and I feel good about that.
    I feel so good that you’re all here..



  74.  #74Radiance on November 12, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Thank you so much for your response, Rori! The good news is, when he shows signs of insecurity…needing to know he’s loved… I am able to love him through any ugly way that cry for love comes out. I can do this because I know that I have the same issues sometimes, and I can see myself in him and love him for his humanness. But when it shows up in me, I feel so much more uncomfortable with it. Are these insecurities (not being good enough) the type we keep to ourselves, or share? If I did share them, it would definitely be in the “Rori way”, but I question whether these are things we just need to soften inside and let go rather than sharing? I am able to share my FEELINGS with everything else, but this is an area that feels sticky to me because it is a type of sharing that almost begs for a RESPONSE of reassurance. I don’t want to feel like I am waiting for his response to validate my value. I know my value comes from within and I know sharing of feelings is just for the sake of sharing and being open…not needing or expecting a response.



  75.  #75Radiance on November 12, 2014 at 8:41 am

    Yvette, that is my understanding! Most men I have dated, think they want to be pursued and will sometimes question why I don’t initiate, but when I have complied with their request to initiate more, they tend to back off. This does NOT feel good to me and then I start feeling anxious. It becomes so blazingly obvious that when the masculine and feminine are on the wrong sides of the relationship, nothing feels right. Just like Rori says, they don’t KNOW that this is what they want…but when THEY need to do all the initiating and pursuing, they FEEL something different towards that woman than they have with all the rest. They can’t even put their finger on it, but they just keep coming forward.

    My current “main man” (I still circular date) told me that he usually gets bored with women very quickly but feels the complete opposite with me…he can’t get enough! I initiate nothing, even though it has made HIM feel insecure at times. He keeps coming forward and telling me how AMAZING I am. 🙂 He wants to be in my space because he feels something he’s not familiar with and its exciting to him!
    I think men are USED to women initiating and so when you don’t its something different and they begin to question how much you like them and their insecurities come forward. BUT, the more I lean back, the more they come forward….every time!!! As we become our most feminine selves, the way Rori teaches, THEY are subconsciously learning a new way of being too…and they LOVE it!! 🙂 They don’t even know whats happening!



  76.  #76Radiance on November 12, 2014 at 8:56 am

    Yvette, I have been doing Rori’s work for about 2 years and my armor has come off piece by piece and I feel more free and open with every interaction I have with men. You will let it fall away with time and by doing the internal work. As good as you say it feels to let US see whats inside…its feels that much better when we learn to let our man see that! Its so bonding and beautiful!

    As you can see, on my first post here (#68), I have come so far but I still question some things and battle my own insecurities. Rori reassured me that we ALL do. You are not alone!



  77.  #77Azure Blu on November 12, 2014 at 9:00 am

    Yvette and Radiance…
    There is a new thread…
    go to the top right side of this page under
    Recent Comments and click on someone elses name… it will take you to the new posts…
    there are lots of Sirens there…



  78.  #78Yvette on November 12, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    Radiance – Gosh, thank you, I feel so much better after reading what you had to say. I feel lifted and powerful. Thank you 🙂

    Azure Blu – Thanks for letting me know, I’ll saunter over there now 🙂



  79.  #79Kristi Kay on November 30, 2014 at 6:47 am

    Ahh. The voices. I probably struggle with the voices every day. The thing I notice is when I stop trying to fight the voices but just acknowledge them….I can move beyond the feelings. I can hear the ones that motivate me instead.