What Were You Thinking, Girl? How To Stop Self-Sabotage

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This is a guest post by Ali Binazir MD – of http://taoofdating.com/ and I asked him if I could reprint it…because I liked it. It’s especially for you if you’re in your twenties – and I think it’s illuminating for all of us about how we “go cold” on a good man because subconsciously, and by habit, we’re deeply afraid to open up and trust love to happen:

One of the most gratifying and distressing aspects of my job is being on the receiving end of the unsolicited confessions of you, my readers. Gratifying, because it means you want to share juicily incriminating stories with me. Distressing, because they confirm some of my worst suspicions about human behavior.

One of those suspicions that has been confirmed far too many times for me to ignore is that, when it comes to dating, women in their twenties are exceptionally good at self-sabotage. I cannot tell you the dozens upon hundreds of times a thirtysomething woman has cast her eyes to the floor, bent her head slightly and said sheepishly, “I was so awful to men in my twenties.”

Yeah, no kidding. I dated you in your twenties, and girl were you a handful. You showed up late, canceled at the last minute, or didn’t show up at all.

You got too clingy, too distant, too demanding, too giving, all in the space of a day.

You demanded commitment but refused to stay over.

You stayed over but wouldn’t take my calls the next day.

You showed huge enthusiasm to get together and spend time, proceeded by zero follow-up.

You took days to return phone calls and emails, if you ever responded.

You got stupid drunk and acted like a complete loser.

I’m not just describing what’s happened to me personally – these are things that have happened to every man out there (after getting thousands of their letters, I should know). And if you see a glimmer of recognition in any of these behaviors, gimme a little nod and silently say, “Yup, that was me.”

So if you’re still in that phase where you’re interested in bad boys who are negligent, abusive, deceptive, self-absorbed losers who just want to get into your pants, this article is not for you – feel free to skip it.

If you’re still reading this, I’m assuming that you’re a smart woman interested in a meaningful relationship with a Good Guy™. Let’s parse who this Good Guy is. He’s the kind of guy who treats you exceptionally well – and himself, too. The two go hand-in-hand. Sure, he likes sex as much as the next guy, but he’s interested in something deeper than that. Mere dessert does not fulfill him – he wants the full meal.

What you need to remember about the Good Guy is that he has pretty good self-respect. He’s been working on himself, he knows his own value, he treats others well – so he does not put up with subpar behavior. Why should he? He’s got options.

Let’s use a metaphor, shall we? Let’s say you own a very popular gourmet restaurant that’s booked months in advance. You see an old friend, and as a gesture of kindness, you invite the friend to come by for a meal at the restaurant. On you. Ahead of the dozens of patrons with reservations.

Your friend does not show up. Now, how hard are you going to try to get that friend back in your restaurant? Who loses out?

Think of the Good Guy as that restaurateur. When he invites you into his full life, treat it like that out-of-turn reservation: a special opportunity extended to you. If it’s not your kind of food, fine – you can always decline politely. But if it is – show up, for godssakes!

Showing up is super-important because the alternative puts you in a really bad bind. When you don’t show up, act erratically or show disrespect – whether intentionally or not – you weed out all the guys who have self-respect. They’re just going to say forget this and move on.

That leaves you two categories of men: those who are too desperate and needy to notice they’re being walked on; and those who are determined to get into your pants at any cost. Rest assured that you don’t want to be with either of them.

So when women ask, “Why am I attracting all these bad boys/losers?,” a lot of the time the answer is – you’re not.

Statistically, you’re attracting all kinds of guys, winners and losers, all the time.

You’ve just gotten very good at weeding out the good ones and keeping the bad apples.

Often this just means that you’re a little too stuck on your physical type, so you’re filtering out all the great guys out there who don’t fit that type.

My friend Nicole – 32, sweet, tall, smart, dazzling – only goes for guys 45+ who are taller than her. It should come as no surprise that these guys, who are either divorcees with kids or confirmed bachelors, have no interest in marrying her, and every one of these relationships tank.

We’re not going to get too much into the etiology of this phenomenon. I just want you to realize that you have a lot more power in your love life than you think. And the more aware you are, the more power you have.

So make it a habit to treat guys well all the time. Respond to communication in a timely manner, show up on time, and give everyone the courtesy of closure instead of blowing them off.

Don’t do it for him – do it for you. Because you just never know which one of these guys who starts out as a stranger is going to be the love of your life.

Dr. Ali Binazir

***

From Me:

The difference between being “nice” to a man – and being “nice” to a man because you’re afraid to show any OTHER feelings is HUGE.

Essentially – “nice” isn’t the word we want to use – we want to be OPEN.

We want to give a man a chance, and not let our subconscious fears and habits wreck our opportunities to get to know a “nice” man.

By following your feelings, tracking them along with your body’s sensations and tensions – you’ll start to know if your instinct to shut down around a man (or cut him off and close your heart to him) is serving you by letting you know if he’s a Mr. Wrong with red flags, or cutting yourself off from love.

No matter what – shutting down is an act of protection you don’t need.

Shutting down EVER isn’t serving you.

Instead, hear your inner voices and track your instincts – they ARE serving you by giving you INFORMATION – and yet, don’t let them, ever, shut you down.

As you become more aware of when you’re shutting down – and what makes you want to go away from a man and what makes you want to be all over him – you’ll start to catch the tricks of chemistry and instead make a determination to BUILD chemistry with a man who’s ABLE, WILLING – and LOVES you!

Love, Rori

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1 Comments

  1.  #1April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Bingo!

    Now I’ll read the article!



  2.  #2April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 7:25 am

    “By following your feelings, tracking them along with your body’s sensations and tensions – you’ll start to know if your instinct to shut down around a man (or cut him off and close your heart to him) is serving you by letting you know if he’s a Mr. Wrong with red flags, or cutting yourself off from love.”

    I feel so shut down around WM.
    He loves me, and everyone likes him, even my family. I hate him for being some kind of ‘golden boy’. I look like the villain next to him.

    I HATE HIM for being so good.

    What is that about?



  3.  #3Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Really deep article



  4.  #4April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 7:33 am

    “Shutting down EVER isn’t serving you.”

    I am shutting down. I feel so much anger and resentment. I feel so restricted. I feel bored.

    I don’t know how to heal this.



  5.  #5Calypso on May 3, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Wow April! What IS that about? Maybe you don’t believe you deserve to be with someone so “good”? Maybe it is really yourself you hate? I have no idea, but if he is really that great of a guy, it is worth figuring out what you are feeling in order to keep from pushing him away for the wrong reason. Fear of ???



  6.  #6Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Rori he speaks about the courtesy of closure which you discourage. I assume the fact that you love the article suggests that there is a “context” for closure so I would love to know your take on that. I would also assume that people like Starla would also like to know.



  7.  #7CurvySiren10 on May 3, 2012 at 7:44 am

    April Rose, that “anger and resentment” you feel will NOT go away on its own. You will have to resolve it, or the relationship will die a (possibly) slow, insidious death. Each one of those resentments act like little papers between magnet and steel…dulling the attraction, driving the two entities apart.



  8.  #8April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Yes, Calypso,

    I sense there is some kind of fear…????



  9.  #9April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 7:52 am

    CurvySiren,

    Yes, my resentment is not going away by itself.

    I have told him “I feel resentful”, but I can’t feel that way AND remain open and warm, like Rori advises.



  10.  #10CurvySiren10 on May 3, 2012 at 7:55 am

    April Rose,

    Resolving your resentment requires “dumping” it. Letting him know how you feel and gaining understanding of why he does the things you are resentful about. It takes a genuine state of curiosity and a burning desire to understand your partner. If that is not there, you are just spinning your wheels and it will only get worse…



  11.  #11Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I feel so guilty reading this.
    I feel triggered.
    I feel angry at myself for letting so many good guys go.
    I feel also feel angry at men.
    Like there’s this double standard.
    A man would NEVER even dream of asking a woman out that he wasn’t attracted to, and yet women are expected to be all open to men to whom we are not attracted.
    and I’m not just talking about no attraction being there.
    I’m talking about really nice guys who really make me feel icky and turned off, and who I’ve already gotten to know as friends who randomly ask me out after like four years or something.
    I feel like I’m going to be judged for writing this.
    I feel hopeful for balance.
    I love average-looking men.
    I love nice men.
    I love brave men who take the risk to ask me out, and win me over.
    I forgive myself for treating men badly, because I honestly didn’t know any better.
    They have forgiven me too, and I love them for that.
    I feel okay…



  12.  #12April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I hate him for all the ways he doesn’t see me or ‘get’ me.

    These are mostly very subtle and personal.
    For example, at mealtimes I really appreciate a plate with a modest amount of food on it. I don’t like a plate piled high, I find it icky and off-putting.

    So many times, he puts a huge plate of food in front of me.
    Okay, so he is generous and wants to feed me, but I like to feel delicate and refined.

    These quirks of mine he calls ‘rules’.
    He says he can’t be expected to remember all my rules.



  13.  #13siren song on May 3, 2012 at 7:58 am

    i want to learn how to build chemistry!



  14.  #14Calypso on May 3, 2012 at 7:59 am

    April Rose – If you have not checked out Abraham Hicks The Vortex and the Law of Attraction, you should google it and watch some of the youtube videos. I have found the answer to every situation I have been faced with by spending time watching those video clips and reflecting on what I learn about myself. Worth a try!



  15.  #15Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 7:59 am

    SeenmecryCD showed up on my FB, and I don’t know why, I hardly ever go to his page.

    Then, I had all of these over-whelming thoughts and feelings about him, that came out of no where, that I didn’t conjure up myself.

    Then, we were out at the same place last night, and he ignored me. I felt really icky and sad about that…

    I wish we could still be friends somehow, but I know it would probably be torture for me, knowing he has a girlfriend.

    I wonder what’s going on…

    I feel stupid…



  16.  #16April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:03 am

    CURVY SIREN YOU SAID IT!

    “It takes a genuine state of curiosity and a burning desire to understand your partner.”

    I want that from him. I don’t feel it. So now I f**cking hate him AND I hate myself for feeling stuck in this uncherished place.



  17.  #17Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 8:09 am

    My last 3 posts on last blog:

    Radlove good to see you had some FUN!!! Howdy to you too. 😀

    Less seriousness, more fun, fun, fun all round I say. 😀

    {{{ RN Amazingme }}}

    Was this old flame CD?

    Me neither Sirensong, never ever again will I try and “buy” a man’s affection.



  18.  #18Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 8:11 am

    April Rose WM is the good boy right?

    And you are attracted to man in the woods who is the “bad” boy right?

    Does WM ever show you his bad boy side?



  19.  #19April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:13 am

    I want to feel that my delicate personal subtleties are cherished, and not dismissed as rules that he can’t remember.



  20.  #20siren song on May 3, 2012 at 8:15 am

    gah. just saw guy who is mad at me. i didn’t even really look at him. i feel like i just got off a rollercoaster.

    he sent me a text saying that my CDing ‘ruined his nerves’ and that i’m the only woman he loves and maybe some day we will work it out, but he can’t take the stress of being upset about other men being in the picture.

    i feel so sad. again.

    i wish i never had to see him again.



  21.  #21lk on May 3, 2012 at 8:17 am

    april rose, i feel curious if you imagine it would be helpful to Become that Burning Curious about your man ? like…. the food piled high thing ? ……. maybe that is closely tied to his Idea of being a Provider For You & he really wants to Show Abundance ? i want abundance & i like it & it feels good to me…. though i hear you, & i like economy & i want economy & economy feels good to me as well…. i’m imagining you saying….. oooh baby, wow…. that looks so amazing & such a full plate makes me feel like a queen… wow, beautiful…. thank you…. wow, actually i feel overwhelmed starting to eat this plate….. wow this feels like so much food to me, i feel nervous i won’t even make a dent ! …. wow, delicious…. yes, i cannot even come close to finishing this big plate of food… wow ! thank you! amazing, that’s so sweet baby….



  22.  #22April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Do I have to teach him how to cherish my feelings?

    If he has no capability or interest in doing so after three years, no amount of his ‘love’ can fill that longing in my soul.



  23.  #23April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Yes, it is sort of like that.
    WM is kind of ‘pure’ in soul. And obvious, unmysterious.
    EM feels like my shadow side, the dark enchanting side of me. He gets my subtleties. I feel so happy to be seen.



  24.  #24Calypso on May 3, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I just emailed a guy on Match. He sort of looks like GM and he lives in the same town as him . . . lol – why do I do this to myself? He even works in law enforcement – GM is in a related field – they probably know each other. Ugh

    I have not heard a peep out of GM since we got back from the beach – I have not contacted him either. It feels sort of strange, but I’m ok with it so far…

    I’m an addict and he is herion . . .



  25.  #25R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 8:27 am

    I am loving this article pure genius!! Bravo I mean that hit the nail on the head! Thank u…@17SM it was an old flame I have a few..lol



  26.  #26CurvySiren10 on May 3, 2012 at 8:28 am

    AR,

    I don’t think you have to “teach” him, but you have to UNDERSTAND each other. I love what lk wrote. If you express your feelings about those subtleties not being honored or noticed…. and that UNDERSTANDING will shift his behavior if he knows how important it is to you. Resentment is always due to one of four things… lack of sufficient, pertinent Information, misunderstanding, false assumptions, jumping to false conclusions.



  27.  #27Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 8:28 am

    April Rose

    Have you watched the Tony Robbins intervention video where he works with that Manchester guy and encourages him to bring out his bad boy side?



  28.  #28April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:29 am

    lk,
    Are you that Burning Curious about your man? What is your experience of that, please?

    Yes I could be more grateful and lyrical about the food.

    I guess I’m more resentful about the things he doesn’t do, or overlooks. The food thing was actually a ‘doing’, but a consistent overlooking of my desire for delicacy.



  29.  #29Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 8:31 am

    #25 RN Amazing

    I was curious if it was that crack fix guy you talked with Brenda about a while ago………just call me nosey parker. 🙂



  30.  #30Ella on May 3, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Umm, hello Sirens.

    Long time no see and I have been reading when I can.

    Today I am feeling grumpy and just generally gloomy.

    I don’t really know why.

    The weather here is awful and grey and cold and has been for a while. I miss the sunshine.

    Have been wondering about some kind of vitamin D supplement. I don’t know much about this…

    Also my diet has not been ideal recently.

    I know good nutrition helps me feel good and yet sometimes it falls by the wayside.

    It will feel good to get that side of things working a bit better again.

    Plus I have noticed I sometimes feel a bit ‘blank’ in my relationship when there is no drama going on…
    I am working on just embracing the quiet times and appreciating what I have… and sitting with the ‘blank’ feeling.

    At work that guy who I was having issues with was off for a week and it was bliss and all the issues went away.

    But today he was back.

    And he had passed his driving test.

    Tbh I was not pleased to see him. Although most of the time he is just fine with me I now feel resentful towards him.

    I knew everyone was congratulating him on passing his test.

    And I felt weird, cus I don’t really like him or particularly want to talk to him.

    Well, I feel confused.

    I don’t dislike him. I just feel angry and resentful because of his past behaviour towards me.

    So anyway I wasn’t sure whether to congratulate him.

    And I thought no cus it felt inauthentic.

    And he kept kinda looking at me expectantly. And I didn’t say anything.

    And then at one point he came up to me and said hi and how was I…

    So at that point I said I was fine.

    And then I did say well done.

    And he said he was waiting for me to say that.

    And then he joked about something with me.

    But I feel weird that I said well done. It felt inauthentic, when really I feel angry and icky around him.

    And I totally feel like I should just ‘get over it’ and yet I feel how I feel.

    And especially when I see programmes on TV about chef’s and how they speak to the waiters, and that is a lot worse!

    So anyway have just been feeling kinda weird about that too.



  31.  #31Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Calypso, GM is your crack fix aka CF as per Starla I believe it was who came up with this analogy.



  32.  #32April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:35 am

    No, Silver Moonbeam, I haven’t seen that.
    Do you have a link for it?



  33.  #33Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 8:36 am

    #30 Ella

    If you are suffering from a lack of sunshine or daylight you can buy special lights, the specially made light boxes are pretty expensive but you can buy light bulbs for about £8.00. The brightness in the light they give off is amazing, it could help who knows when the blue skies are coming back. 🙁



  34.  #34Starla on May 3, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Ugh, this article makes me feel ashamed of myself:(
    I wish I had my love back
    Lame.



  35.  #35April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:38 am

    (((siren song)))

    I feel so curious. Did this man ever show any urge to fight off his competition and claim you as his woman? Did he know that you would drop the other guys once you had the commitment you wanted from the man you wanted?



  36.  #36Ella on May 3, 2012 at 8:39 am

    And also have been feeling a bit jealous and weird about the relationship MWC has with a female co-worker.

    And I get like that sometimes…

    Jealous feeling.

    This particular colleague is another chef.

    And I know that there is a bit of history there… but I also believe he is for me… and I come first, and that there is nothing there since he’s been with me.

    And I think he wants to protect mine and his relationship.

    I know he loves me.

    And sometimes I still feel jealous.

    She is quite a moody person.

    Quite grumpy.

    And isn’t afraid to show it… or can’t help showing it.

    And I suppose I wish I was that fearless in showing my moody side.

    I do say when I am feeling grumpy these days, but generally I am known as a ‘nice person’ and this label kinda bothers me sometimes.

    We can’t be grumpy front of house anyway.

    And I don’t want strained relationships.

    But sometimes I wish I could just be moody and horrid without being frightened of what people think.

    And not have this urge to make nice all the time.

    I wish I could speak the truth to that guy at work.

    But all the time he is being nice I don’t really know what to say.

    Urgh, I feel stuck with this.



  37.  #37Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 8:40 am


  38.  #38Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Well ladies I have joined YET another dating site yesterday lol, this one is free, OK Cupid, so a few men have contacted me since then. I have replied to the decent ones, not necessarily my “type” but am prepared to give this thing a whirl unless they are a total turn off, like one man today said he is 59 looks more like 79 and a funeral director or a murderer or something grim with a really miserable hang dog expression, white hair and yellow jaundiced eyes, I may be lonely but I am not desperate!!



  39.  #39April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:46 am

    This is a mind-bender!
    I’m just about to send a text to say why I’m not sending a text (I’m leaning forward to give my case for leaning back!)
    It’s a text to EM, who asked ME to text HIM so we could arrange our next date.

    “I’m sorry I haven’t texted. It just feels weird to get in touch with you first. It makes me feel unfeminine in a way. I’m so old-fashioned!”



  40.  #40Ella on May 3, 2012 at 8:48 am

    And the female chef has depression.

    And I quite like her.

    And I did ask MWC at one point about whether we could invite her round for some dinner to cheer her up.

    But he didn’t want to and he is kind of weird about it.

    And the other day she sent him a text about work and I saw it when he read it sitting next to me… and she put 5 kisses on it.

    I told him I felt weird seeing that many kisses on a text from another female.

    And he didn’t say much but just reassured me how in love with me he is.

    But I feel funny that he is so weird about her… kinda cagy.

    And I don’t think anything is going on… but it just feels uncomfortable.

    And I feel jealous of them, and it sounds weird, because they share smoking breaks, and I don’t smoke, so obviously I don’t share that with him.

    But I feel weird when I hear him ask her, and her ask him, whether they want to go for a cigarette break.

    Urgh.

    I hate this green eyed monster!

    No, no. gotta love the monster too right?



  41.  #41Ella on May 3, 2012 at 8:51 am

    And yeah.

    Just not feeling 100% good in me atm.

    And so not feeling very ‘shiny’. And get affected by other stuff more.

    And, I know the only way forward is to work on me and my ‘shine’ and not get sidetracked by these jealous, weird feelings, and this small stuff!

    Sigh.

    I don’t know.



  42.  #42Calypso on May 3, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Silver Moonbeam – I love that! he is totally my CF . . . thinking silly little things like that really helps me keep leaning back – I’ll just call myself a crack whore next time I think about contacting him and giggle . . .



  43.  #43Calypso on May 3, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Ugh – I went into moderation for using the word “wh0r” . . .

    Let me try again:

    Silver Moonbeam – I love that! he is totally my CF . . . thinking silly little things like that really helps me keep leaning back – I’ll just call myself a crack wh0r next time I think about contacting him and giggle . . .



  44.  #44Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 8:53 am

    From Previous thread

    April Rose thanks. That is a good lesson for me. I will start paying attention in my life to see if my “I am” statements cause people to become defensive because they feel criticized.



  45.  #45Ella on May 3, 2012 at 8:55 am

    But yeah,

    Any advice about how to be around my nemisis guy at work… and how to be without either being totally rude and inflaming the situation, and also without going the other way and overfunctioning being insincere and over-functioning.

    I don’t know I just feel so ‘stiff’ when he is around sometimes.

    And that feels icky.

    And yet being pally and joking with him doesn’t feel right either.

    Maybe I could try something like ‘I just don’t feel relaxed around you anymore since you were rude to me before and it bothers me’/

    Oh I don’t know.

    Wish I could let it go but I can’t force it.



  46.  #46Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 8:56 am

    April Rose maybe you should wait? Also is it that it feels or does it feel unromantic?



  47.  #47lk on May 3, 2012 at 8:56 am

    hi, April Rose !

    hmmm…… i do want to be that Burning Curious about my Man…. i want understanding – i want to feel understanding & I want to feel understood.

    i hear you saying that your Man “doesn’t” and “can’t” give you what you Need….. i feel curious if you Believe that ?

    also, it is not “his responsibility” to make you feel Accepted or Cherished – although that is what i want in My Relationship – but taking Total Responsibility for your situation, for your feelings, for your happiness…..then it becomes easier to Express your feelings in a way that’s just “Hey i’m feeling mad mad mad” & just pout & sit with it & then pet the dog, make some tea….. & he is Invited to Help – but No Pressure, No Expectations, No Requirements, No Rules

    & if he does do what you want, you can gush like old faithful LOL



  48.  #48Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 8:59 am

    feels weird or unromantic



  49.  #49April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 8:59 am

    I am wondering, Feminewoman, about your intention in such statements?
    It could be simply that you are sharing where you’re at, or hinting at a similar solution for the other person.

    I often feel like when I have made a discovery, that everyone else should follow suit!



  50.  #50siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

    april rose,

    yeah, he kept stepping up for a long time. he started to rennovate his house so i could move in and we agreed to set a date to marry…he calls me ‘his family’ and ‘the only woman in his life’. but then he started to get SUPER ANGRY and couldn’t get over the other guys in the picture. it’s like the better things were going the weirder he got. he took me CDing really personally. I really just wanted a date and a ring so i could plan to sell my condo and move forward.

    he has also had some significant health problems (almost lost his arm to an infection in march) and has some problems at work.



  51.  #51Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Ella that sounds blamey and making him wrong. This is such a great opportunity to practice opening up, writing scripts, speaking your truth, sharing feeling messages, setting boundaries.



  52.  #52April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Revised text
    “sorry I haven’t texted. Getting in touch with you first makes me feel unfeminine and I don’t like that feeling! I’m just an old-fashioned girl at heart!”

    I’m too scared to write ‘unromantic’, although it is true.
    We have to be just friends. Passionate, romantic friends.



  53.  #53Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:05 am

    siren song please forgive me if I am wrong but for some reason they I got a sense that there might be some rescuring going on there on both sides. What do you think?

    Have you ever considered if you loved him just the way he is?
    Would you like your children to come out just like him?



  54.  #54lk on May 3, 2012 at 9:06 am

    ella, i do think you can say,

    “aww i feel weird & stiff when you make jokes around me…..it feels so weird, too, because i think of myself as a Fun, Vibrant woman who loves to enjoy the people around her…. i just notice my defenses go up a little around you….. i’m still feeling a bit weird about some of the things you said to me earlier that felt so bad to hear…. & i do want to enjoy you & feel comfortable around you… what do you think ? “



  55.  #55April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Siren Song,

    Why were there other guys still in the picture once you had set a wedding date???????



  56.  #56Starla on May 3, 2012 at 9:07 am

    I sure would like to stop thinking about CF and how we could get back together.

    Alaska wants me to go to lunch today. I feel uncomfortable about his attention because I have very little to give back in terms of interest or affections right now.



  57.  #57Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:08 am

    What about I am just an old fashioned girl at heart, it feels unfeminine like going against my nature when I initiate contact.



  58.  #58siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:09 am

    there weren’t other guys in the picture. i let my other CDs go.

    then he started getting super-angry and stopped moving forward.



  59.  #59Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 9:09 am

    I am attracted to bad boys. I feel they are more exciting and dangerous.

    I am not attracted to good boys. I feel they are boring and predictable.



  60.  #60Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Starla so just don’t give back, accept that the waterwheel is turned towards you. Selfishness can serve a purpose.



  61.  #61Starla on May 3, 2012 at 9:10 am

    on the bright side, i did wake up feeling a little better than yesterday.

    on the less bright side, Thursday really IS my rough day.



  62.  #62April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

    “sorry for not texting. I am just an old-fashioned girl at heart and it feels unfeminine, like going against my nature, when I call or text you first”



  63.  #63Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Ella

    Sorry but I have no advise to offer you, as you know I had problems with my young colleagues at my last job and I had no option but to leave as they just ignored my dialogue with them. 🙁



  64.  #64siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:14 am

    FW,

    do you mean rescuing? i don’t think so.

    i guess i don’t love him as he is, totally. i’d like him to step up, be less angry and be able to cope better. so i guess i don’t accept him 100%. i don’t know.



  65.  #65Ella on May 3, 2012 at 9:15 am

    I know it is a good opportunity to practice opening up and using scripts.

    And it just feels so hard with him.

    I feel totally stuck.

    Like I lose my voice and tense up around him.

    Esp as usually there are several other people including MWC present whenever we interact.



  66.  #66April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Sorry for my slowness, Siren Song.

    You say you let the other guys go. And THEN he got angry about the other guys? When they were no longer in the picture?

    Did he need their competition to keep things moving forward, I wonder?

    Sorry if I’m still not getting it!



  67.  #67siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

    and we hadn’t set a date, but a timeframe for a date.

    and i had no ring.



  68.  #68Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

    @44((((Ella)))) – I feel so connected to you, with everything you’ve written.

    I wouldn’t call the guy out on being rude to you. Instead, I would say “I felt weird/sad/angry when you did or said that that one time…”

    Remember, don’t blame anyone else for your feelings.

    I’m still working on this myself…



  69.  #69Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:17 am

    siren song why would you want a relationship with him?

    Do you see yourself together with him 20 years later? How does that feel?



  70.  #70Ella on May 3, 2012 at 9:19 am

    ‘I sometimes feel a bit weird and tense around you. And its because I still feel a bit weird about some of the stuff you said to me in the past. And I want to let it go and I just notice that it still bothers me and I feel tense when we are joking about stuff’.



  71.  #71siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:19 am

    april rose,

    good point.



  72.  #72Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Ella about the coworker I am wondering if it is about the power of her emotions that draws him in? Is it possible you could learn something from her?



  73.  #73April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Silver Moonbeam, is this true?

    “I am attracted to bad boys. I feel they are more exciting and dangerous.

    I am not attracted to good boys. I feel they are boring and predictable.”

    Imagine a good boy with an ‘edge’. Now wouldn’t that feel exciting?



  74.  #74Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Oh, oh, oh, this article is me! I do it all the time, and I can’t seem to stop! Can you say “SCARED TO DEATH”?

    That’s me. I will stay safe in my lonely walls. God, please heal this. I want to be open. I mean to be open. Because I keep hopin’.



  75.  #75Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Ella could uneasy or criticized be used instead of one of your “weird” or shaky in my stomach



  76.  #76Ella on May 3, 2012 at 9:22 am

    ‘I felt so weird and upset when you said some stuff to me in the past, and now it feels difficult for me to relax. I still feel tense’

    ??



  77.  #77Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Do you fear being made fun of or teased? How much did this happen as a child?



  78.  #78siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:23 am

    FW,

    when he is stepping up, i feel totally taken care of and so attracted to him. i’ve never felt that way with anyone else before.

    but the other side of the coin with him feels very bad.

    i am just processing that it’s over i guess.



  79.  #79Ella on May 3, 2012 at 9:24 am

    It doesn’t help because one time when he was rude I responded by saying ‘ow, that feels bad’ and he cut in and said he didn’t give a f8ck about my feelings.

    That kinda stuck with me and so I feel tense opening up with feelings again.



  80.  #80siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:26 am

    april rose,

    yeah, this was after he asked me to move in and we had the marriage discussion. he’d blow up at me and speak to me with a lot of anger. i had to walk away a lot because it was really intense.

    he told me he was ‘haunted’ by the thought of me with other guys and that his ‘nerves were shot’ because he never knew what i was up to when we weren’t together.



  81.  #81April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    ‘Exciting’ and ‘Dangerous’ both relate to the man, and not to your own feelings. How do you feel about YOU in the presence of exciting or dangerous men?



  82.  #82Ella on May 3, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Currently doing some FB CD-ing and text and practice CD-ing in the outside world, to lift my vibe.

    Not accepting any real dates atm though.



  83.  #83Starla on May 3, 2012 at 9:29 am

    I don’t want Alaska. He likes cats way too much and takes xanax and colonopin (spelling?) for anxiety as needed.

    I don’t want this.

    🙁

    I feel lonely and sick to my stomach.



  84.  #84siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:29 am

    he also once complained that i ‘didn’t do much’ in the relationship. i felt pretty bad about that.

    i don’t want to deal with that in 20 years.



  85.  #85April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 9:29 am

    okay, siren song, now I get it.

    I’m assuming you were open/honest about the other CD’s while you were seeing them. Then you told him you’d dropped them. He didn’t believe you? He was aggressively untrusting (jealous/insecure).

    But not whilst you were openly dating others. Hmmm.



  86.  #86April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Starla,
    You just gave me a belly laugh. Nice one
    “he likes cats way too much”

    Hahaaa. Brilliant!



  87.  #87Ella on May 3, 2012 at 9:34 am

    FW re 72

    Owww. I feel so prickly and defensive hearing about him being drawn in…

    I am not sure that is the case.

    Feels very uncomfortable to hear that.

    But yes, I am sure that is where the learning is here for me.



  88.  #88siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:37 am

    yeah, i was honest. i mostly had coffee with guys and a couple of dinners. and hung out with my friends a lot more than i would have otherwise.

    i told him i would stop being open to others when we had a date and a plan to move forward. and i told him i was not interested in seeing other men anymore once we were committed. then he started getting really weird.

    it turns out he was pretty jealous the whole time. he told me last week that he once sat outside of my house waiting for me at 3 am to catch me with another man.

    that feels so gross to think about.

    i feel much better about this breakup now that i recall that fact. i feel sick thinking about that.



  89.  #89Ella on May 3, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Lama

    Re 68

    Yes.

    Thank You 🙂

    It feels good to feel connected.



  90.  #90Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 9:39 am

    siren song I would look up Rori;s old article about anger and try to find a way to facilitate him putting his anger on the table without you feeling attacked?



  91.  #91Memulo on May 3, 2012 at 9:40 am

    OMG I feel really forgotten. I don’t feel important anymore.. did he really meet someone else?

    if I am lucky he’s just busy with his fight. But he misses all the times when he normally called me, one after another. Is this happening just a week before I can go back home?? I feel awful



  92.  #92Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 9:41 am

    @30 Ella – “Plus I have noticed I sometimes feel a bit ‘blank’ in my relationship when there is no drama going on…
    I am working on just embracing the quiet times and appreciating what I have… and sitting with the ‘blank’ feeling.”

    I feel so curious about this, as I have felt the same way. I’ve read self-help books that talk about how if we are used to constant ups and downs in relationships with our families, friends, or partners (which are usually unhealthy), that the normal feelings of steadiness can feel incredibly uncomfortable to people who are not used to stability. I feel happy that you are working on embracing those times. Feeling the gentleness of them…

    “Peace” can feel boring. I have felt bored with Jack CD, but as I sank into those feelings of “boredness,” I realized that they actually felt refreshing.

    In those quiet moments, I didn’t feel panicked about what to do or say or how to process the overwhelming chaos going on inside me. I just felt peace. and I wasn’t used to feeling peace. So the little girl inside me that was used to chaos felt uncomfortable and “bored” with the stillness.

    but she’s slowly starting to feel safe. a delicous safety, that feels really reassuring…



  93.  #93Ella on May 3, 2012 at 9:41 am

    ‘I sometimes feel a bit uneasy around you. And its because I still feel a bit weird about some of the stuff you said to me in the past. And I want to let it go and the truth is it still bothers me and I feel tense when we start joking about stuff’.



  94.  #94siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:44 am

    lama,

    “Peace” can feel boring. I have felt bored with Jack CD, but as I sank into those feelings of “boredness,” I realized that they actually felt refreshing.

    this feels nice to read.



  95.  #95Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:46 am

    {{{Starla}}},

    RE: #83 – One thing that helps me when I feel lonelly, sad, and obsessing over R is to put my mind and heart in the future, ten years from now. I visualize my life with my own family together in a nice house. I imagine how happy i will be with my man, who is mine for keeps forever!

    And then I stand there daydreaming in my future life, recalling this sad and lonely time, and how glad I was that it turned out the way it did. Because then, ten years from now, this time for us will feel like only a bump in the road that led us to our Happy Ever After!

    Here is a song that resonates with my heart:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZp6pmgbZyU&feature=colike

    God Bless the Broken Road



  96.  #96Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 9:49 am

    I feel really embarassed and almost scared to ask this, but it would feel good to get some input about my comment #15.

    when I say he ignored me, I mean that he practically RAN right past me, and sat down in front of me without stopping to say hi, or turn around and look at me, or acknowledge me in any way, which is VERY unlike him. He is normally very excited to see me, friendly, and conversational.

    I just feel weird about it, and wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to make both of us feel more comfortable…?



  97.  #97lk on May 3, 2012 at 9:51 am

    ella, i think i would take out the “it’s because” ….. just…. i normally feel Muddy or Confused on Why I Feel This Way….. like, maybe it is what is going on now… maybe old…. so i’d feel better just saying, “i feel bad remembering some of the things you said to me…” maybe you could say too “i hear you that you are Just Joking… but it feels bad to me & i don’t want to feel that way while i’m working”



  98.  #98Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 9:53 am

    @94 siren song – awww, thanks siren song. that feels good.



  99.  #99Ravenquile on May 3, 2012 at 9:54 am

    It looks like you have all moved here, so I am reposting what I said on the last one.

    Daria,

    In #684, you made some really good points. I will certainly give this some further thought and consideration. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

    LoveAlways,

    760 I read some of the entries here on the blog and I guess I took my mental debate to the blog, just airing my thoughts, I suppose.

    Starla,

    696, You think I sound like a rockstar, huh? That makes me smile! Thanks for your comment! I admit, I am a pretty opinionated woman who knows what she likes and doesn’t like.



  100.  #100lk on May 3, 2012 at 9:54 am

    april rose, i do feel curious about your situation…

    i feel a little said not getting a response after i tried to answer the question you directed to me…. & i feel curious if maybe the way i wrote felt off-putting to you ? thank you…



  101.  #101Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

    @100 lk – I know this comment wasn’t directed towards me, but your communication skills are amazing, and I feel good to try to emulate them. Thank you, lk! 🙂



  102.  #102siren song on May 3, 2012 at 9:59 am

    april rose @81,

    regarding ‘bad boys’

    “Exciting’ and ‘Dangerous’ both relate to the man, and not to your own feelings. How do you feel about YOU in the presence of exciting or dangerous men?”

    this is a brilliant question! wow



  103.  #103Ella on May 3, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Hmmm,

    Noticing that I am judging myself.

    And thinking that I ‘should’ have moved on past this.
    And let it go. And that I feel icky not being ‘cool’ about this.

    And I feel so afraid of bringing it up now.. and being judged for it still being an issue for me.

    And I feel so vulnerable about this.



  104.  #104lk on May 3, 2012 at 10:04 am

    memulo, i wonder why you hear this story in your head

    “did he really meet someone else?

    “if I am lucky he’s just busy with his fight.”

    i feel confused about this…. if i were a Man (big stretch of the Imagination lol…) i would absolutely not be out pursuing women the week of my custody battle & i wouldn’t care much about keeping a woman i had “just met” (i’m a man here, ok ?) up-to-date on every minute argument. he won’t know anything to tell you until the end, right ? & this part is just brutal re-hashing & the Bloody Death of his relationship with his Ex. sounds terrible & i would feel lucky for not hearing “all the details” lol…. & actually, didn’t you request early on when you started dating him that he not talk to you very much about his Ex ? so that could be part of it. he could be respecting Your Boundaries while he takes care of his business. : )) maybe you can choose to feel calm about it & decide, of course he wants you & misses you & is thinking of you & planning things for you : )))



  105.  #105Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 10:06 am

    #73 April Rose

    Yes you are right, a good boy with an edge would be SO MUCH better for me than a bad boy, bad boys are no good at the end of the day……………….

    I need to heal this.



  106.  #106lk on May 3, 2012 at 10:07 am

    (((ella))) i’m certainly not feeling judgmental toward you & i feel good & inspired that you value yourself & your own comfort enough to create your own good-feeling space in your place of employment : )



  107.  #107lk on May 3, 2012 at 10:08 am

    awww & thank you, iamabutterfly : )))))) that feels so nice to read : ))) i feel hugged : )



  108.  #108Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

    #81 April Rose

    I feel ALIVE and filled with drama and I like the adrenalin rush of not knowing what will happen next.



  109.  #109Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 10:11 am

    I feel totally turned on by bad boys………….



  110.  #110Starla on May 3, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Ravenquile, yeah, i totally ‘get’ what you’re saying. And I am an avid student of Rori’s leaning back. I’m trying to find my own way here, and not prescribe to anything in particular unless it feels totally right in my heart.

    However, this takes a lot of slowing down. Sometimes we lean forward and “go get” our guys that we want, but it comes out of a place of fear and unworthiness. I’ve never had a fulfilling relationship where I was in this energy, because it was out of my fear and unworthiness feelings. Now that I’ve spent so much time focusing on the “Rori Raye Way,” I know myself so much better, so anything I do outside of her guidelines will hopefully just be me being a rock star!

    But then again, Rori does say that as long as you’re in rock star mode, and not from a place of fear or unworthiness (and sometimes you have to really get honest with yourself about it.. sometimes we totally kid ourselves!), then you can do whatever you like:)



  111.  #111Ella on May 3, 2012 at 10:20 am

    lk re 106

    Awww, thanks.

    And also I love your pic!

    🙂



  112.  #112Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 10:27 am

    {{{Ella}}},

    That hug is just for you, because you are you and you are feeling a little blue.

    Please excuse me for not knowing the full history with this chef…I don’t have time to fully keep up on the blog, altho i try. Who is he to you, besides a coworker?

    If he were someone I didn’t want in my life, other than what work absolutely necessitated, because he is clearly quite toxic, I would just be silent when he asked me questions non work related. It is not rude. It is just a way of letting someone know you don’t want to relate to them. Or the feeling message you said is good too. But if you anticipate pain if you share your feelings, that’s why just silence gives a strong message.

    And for toxic people, they don’t need to have access to our delicate, beautiful hearts.



  113.  #113Memulo on May 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

    FW #6,

    I don’t know, I always give closure to guys. I think it is a matter of choice. If they don’t give it to me, I won’t ask for it, but my choice is to do it and not just disappear.



  114.  #114Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Moonbeam,

    108 – I used to, but I learned the hard way that adventure ISN’T always fun! 🙂



  115.  #115Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I feel anxious about #15 and #96…



  116.  #116April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 10:32 am

    lk,
    sweet baby, it’s taking me time to digest what you wrote me.
    Your question to me isn’t an easy one – do I believe my man can’t/won’t give me what I need? I have so many different Styles of answer for this!

    I hear you say if I take more responsibility for my own Self-cherishing, then I can communicate my feelings more gently. I would like this. yet still I believe my man is inept somehow. Maybe this only serves to make me feel better than him. Ouch.

    I like the idea of inviting him to help. Instead of demanding it. Leave him some room to step in towards me…



  117.  #117Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Iamabutterfly it struck me as immature behavior. If that is where a man is he has to see that for himself.



  118.  #118Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Ella,

    I used to work at a restaurant. One night the cooks were swearing and talking ludely about women. I put my head down and blushed.

    One of the cooks noticed, apologizing. I was quite young and naive at the time, and I said, “it’s ok. I’m used to it.’

    He said, “No, it isn’t ok. You shouldn’t have to get used to it. WE should get used to not talking like that around YOU.”

    That always stuck in my head, and I don’t want to relate to a man who doesn’t care about my feelings.



  119.  #119Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 10:35 am

    @117 Thanks, FW. I just don’t understand the timing of it? I would understand it more if it had happened earilier on, like a month ago, because it would have just made more sense? Like, oh, he’s feeling uncomfortable around me because we went out and now he has a girlfriend? but a month later? that feels so weird to me…



  120.  #120Memulo on May 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

    lk,

    Thank you;) This week is not any different from other weeks.. it’s not like it’s The Week of his custody battle. Unless something happened and something always happens because the Ex is very resourceful lol in terms of accusing him of various things randomly.

    He did share stuff with me on Monday.. that for the first time he was able to request more hours with the child and his request was not declined before he even made it (by the parent coordinator). So maybe you are right, he is fighting for something. I don’t know, it’s just day 3 since Monday ;(



  121.  #121Daria on May 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

    April rose – that fed awful… From what I got about you and this guy… You are being neglected. And you are not communicating effectively about it

    In the moment is a good time: the plate shows up…

    W: Wow… I feel a bit mad! (notice all feeling messages)

    M; why honey??

    W: appreciate being served and I don’t feel good gettin this much food

    M: well that’s fine honey lets take some off… Hehe ur rules huh I can’t keep em straight

    W: ouch! Actually that feels awful. I feel awfully sad.

    M: why honey??

    W: I feel really sad and angry that my preferences aren’t going to be remembered. I feel unimportant.

    M: you are important honey! It’s just too much for any one person to handle

    W: that feels really bad. I feel angry. I dont want to have my preferences not remembered respected and honored. I feel like I’m not seen and honored. What do you think?

    M: ….

    *****

    Speaking up like this, over and over sometimes have to, has been shifting entrenched patterns in my family…

    It can feel draining and hopeless a d defeating before even starting… And it felt exciting when it magically worked!

    The program for you is get is Toxic Men.



  122.  #122Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Don’t expect to understand Iamabutterfly. As CCarter says “men don’t make sense”. He behaved based on how he was feeling at the time. It is not necessarily logical



  123.  #123Calypso on May 3, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Lama – Are you sure he saw you? Were you with someone who might have made him feel uncomfortable? There is no telling what went on in his head and we are not supposed to try to get in there . . . you just be the lovely creature that you are and stop giving so much of your energy to this man.



  124.  #124Daria on May 3, 2012 at 10:46 am

    April rose – exactly! We are here learning to teach/train men to cherish our feelings!

    We go by cherishing them first.,, speaking them out non judgementally… And having boundaries!

    You can do it! And 3 years is a drop in a bucket…. You can do turn this around and get the affection you want!

    I really would write Rori or sign up for the next teleclass… And just practice feeling messages Everywhere.



  125.  #125Starla on May 3, 2012 at 10:48 am

    You women are just all so beautiful and uniquely wise <3



  126.  #126Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 10:51 am

    @123 Calypso – actually, now that you mention it, I was with someone that I could actually see making him uncomfortable. She’s younger, naive, and can be annoying! and she tends to throw herself at men! I could totally see him avoiding her. Actually, I’ve seen lots of guys avoid her, bless her heart. I feel relieved. Thank you!



  127.  #127Calypso on May 3, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Hugs to you lamabutterfly!!! All is well ~



  128.  #128Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Iamabutterfly,

    15, 96, 115 – I feel your pain, and at least a hello, how are you would feel far better. I didn’t respond before cuz I don’t really know.

    What comes to mind is what Daria told me yesterday about masculine and feminine, that in the old days it was the man to come courting the woman, to ride up in his horse and carriage. By not talking to you, in effect, isn’t he choosing to not ride up to your house?

    He has a right to not relate to you at all. In a case like yours, girlfriend or no girlfriend in the picture, I would be inclined to say, “That feels bad being treated like I am invisible. I may not be your woman, but I am a human being who appreciates being treated with basic human courtesy.”



  129.  #129Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 11:01 am

    {{{Sirens}}},

    Starla’s #125 – I second the motion! I love you all! <3



  130.  #130Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Daria,

    121 – Thanks, that will help me tremendously with my Mom. MANY MANY of my preferences are completely ignored. After 4 decades, you would think a person would remember a basic preference about food, etc. I will try these FMs.



  131.  #131Daria on May 3, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Silver moonbeam – I feel so annoyed and judgemental! I wonder why???

    I feel so tense in my tummy and down my thigh.

    Oh yeah it feels bad to read put downs of men.

    And… And when I read the I feel that they are – I felt all disconnected .

    Real feeling messages with ferlings instead of brliefs would feel healing.

    I don’t know why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

    I literally want to shake you and say STOP BULLSHITTING!!!

    I wonder why I want to rush you or myself.

    It feels painful to read all the time about being ‘stuck and unhappy’

    Reminds me of my mom

    It feels disconnecting. I feel angry!

    I love my feelings…. Breathing

    I feel do confused and helpless powerless!

    I don’t want to feel this way. Pulled in my tummy.

    I feel mad!

    Soooo mad!

    It’d feel great to see people taking good care of themselves and using the help available And healing!

    I feel so unconfy in mu tummy

    How can I shift myself to communicate openly And shift my perception to what I want.

    I feel do sad seeing you Daria there in your self imposed glass tower prison.

    I am sitting e these feelings and now crying.

    I feel do lonely scared and sad

    I am the anchor

    Ok I felt them

    I am the invitation

    Sigh of relief

    Depression feels fun to explore but I know joy feels funner!!! And will attract all by itself!

    Whew!

    ….

    Now I feel scared and closed off towards SMB. I had some judgements in there and when that happens I feel tense and closed off. I don’t want to feel that way. I want to communicate openly and no judgementally. A part of me is convinced the judgements heal just like feelings. I want to shift that belief and heal.



  132.  #132Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

    So yesterday Rugby Man and I came back from first camping and then taking a road trip, spending a total of 6 days together 24 hours a day!!!! This feels huge to me!

    I felt a little nervous that he was going to need to pull away and have his guy time to rejuvenate…and I was almost expecting it…so I could “prepare” myself.

    Well I opened up to him about some of my past yesterday and I felt icky and vulnerable and thought that he might think less of me…and I expressed that.

    Then I went to school and was feeling really vulnerable and needy and almost like I wanted space just incase he wanted space. Like things were feeling REALLY intimate.

    Then he text me at school to come over to his friends where he was. I felt irritated about it. I just replied that I wanted to go home and I felt tired.

    Then he replied “ok baby, let me know when you are home and I will meet you there”

    I WANTED to say “it’s ok do your thing” or “I don’t mind if you hang out with your friends” or SOMETHING about telling him it’s “OK” BUT I DIDNT!!!!!!!! yay me!!!!

    It felt really good to trust that he is a man and he can make his own decisions and I don’t need to tell him it’s ok or not ok…

    Anyway…he said he actually felt happy that I just wanted to come home and he wanted to just come to my house. (So it was ALL in my head about how he wanted to be with his friends and I should let him know it’s ok) So while I was at school thinking he needed space, he was feeling lovey dovey that I opened up to him….go figure!!!

    Then he said he loved me and was happy I opened up to him today and that he loves me just as much. Then we snuggled and kissed and “stuff” 😉 on a scale of 1 -10 it’s a 10!!!!!

    I feel sooooo close with him….even closer at the end of 6 days together. WOW!!!!



  133.  #133Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Ella,

    Vitamin D – Last fall I had a blood test and I was deficient on Vitamin D. My doctor subscribed a mega dose of it, once a week for three months. I would err on the side of caution and take some or else go to your doctor for a checkup.



  134.  #134Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 11:22 am

    almost everyone is deficient in vitamin D, but I find that when we feel good about what we are eating, then it influences how we feel about ourselves, which influences how we feel about our lives, then we feel happy…and Vitamin D as a supplement may not be that relevant…



  135.  #135Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 11:24 am

    @128 Radlove – I really like this. Thinking back on it, I don’t think he was intentionally ignoring ME per se, but I’ve definitely had guys intentionally ignore me in the past. If they do again in the future (which I hope they don’t, but who knows…) I just may use that line. Thank you!



  136.  #136Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Rugby Man and I had been doing a lot of driving…so on Tuesday we decided to go on a nice easy jog together…this is a dream come true for me 🙂 I’ve only done this once and that was with hot pilot.

    So we are jogging and the trail became small…so he said “go ahead of me baby”

    My FIRST thought “OH no….he’s going to see me jiggle!!” and then because I’ve been managing my thoughts and emotions…I instantly went to “oh ya….and he’s probably going to love it” lol ….and I kept jogging and I felt like a rockstar!!!

    In the past that thought “he’s going to see me jiggle” would have ruined the run for me…but not anymore!!! 🙂

    I feel so happy about that and it feels soooooo freeing and liberating!! 🙂



  137.  #137April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Thank you Daria,

    I feel both angles of what you are saying.

    Yes, I do feel neglected by him. He has a terrible memory. It translates to me as him not caring to remember my preferences.

    I also feel encouraged by your confidence that I can turn this around.



  138.  #138Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 11:32 am

    @83 Starla – I don’t think you are at an emotionally healthy enough place to say for sure that you don’t want Alaska. I hate cats, so I can appreciate why his love of cats might irk you.

    But Jack CD has struggled with anxiety. I think it has made him an incredibly compassionate person. I can tell he has really worked on himself, specifically because he knows he has struggles and isn’t perfect.

    I’d rather have someone like him any day, then someone who thinks he’s already “perfect” and doesn’t take the necessary steps that WE ALL need to take in order to become the best version of ourselves.

    So, I guess what I’m saying is…

    Don’t rule him out.
    Just give yourself time, and if he feels too pushy, just tell him you NEED more time.

    If he’s the right guy, he’ll respond or back off or come back accordingly…



  139.  #139Dominique on May 3, 2012 at 11:33 am

    SIlver Moonbeam – Are you maybe addicted to feeling bad, like you ultimately do when around the bad boys?

    Or maybe the deep down knowing that the real deal, a deep love and intimacy will not be had with a bad boy?

    There is definitely such a thing as a good guy who is full of fun and excitement and surprises. K is one.

    xxoo



  140.  #140Dominique on May 3, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Iamabutterfly – I feel unclear what your question is in re #15 and 96.

    xxoo



  141.  #141Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Jilly,

    Vitamin D is an important nutrient.



  142.  #142R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 11:42 am

    I love the talk on the blog today, so real…refreshing. Wierd but I am curious to whomever said it. Your saying a man was sitting in his car at your house just o see you with someone else? If so If this man would have stepped up in the beginning he would have his woman if it was meant to be. So just leaving that out there, you better go get what it is in your life you want yes your woman too.



  143.  #143Iamabutterfly on May 3, 2012 at 11:56 am

    @140 Dominique – I think I figured it out, and no longer feel troubled by it. Thank you!



  144.  #144Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Got this from Bob Grant

    Featured Topic: 3 Dangerous Myths That Can Harm Your Marriage

    With the divorce rate around 50% it’s no surprise many couples want to do everything they can to strengthen their marriage. The problem is many couples believe certain myths about their marriage and spend time trying to correct those very myths.

    Below are 3 of the most popular myths concerning marriage and why they aren’t as true as you have been told.

    1. Your spouse is your best friend. Actually your spouse isn’t supposed to be your best friend – that would be boring. What makes a marriage sizzle is having a partner who has enough in common with you while also possessing other qualities, both frustrating and fascinating. A best friend is someone who is usually similar to you. They aren’t different enough from you to inspire the passion you’ll want in a marriage. Therefore, don’t be surprised if you have more in common with others than with your spouse. This can be a good thing!

    2. Don’t go to bed angry. Sometimes it’s best to resolve a conflict immediately. Yet there are other times when this isn’t possible. Some conflicts take longer to resolve than others and trying to “fix the problem” before you go to bed can often lead to the problem simply being ignored. Instead, promise to finish the discussion the next day and make time for the difficult conversation. It isn’t easy to be with your spouse when they’re angry, which is why couples often try to minimize conflict. Great couples get angry with each other, but they continue to discuss a problem until there is a solution, even if it takes several days.

    3. Don’t fight in front of the kids. To be honest, this is horrible advice. Children who never see their parents “fight” don’t learn how to handle conflict. They tend to avoid disagreements in their own (future) relationships and assume their parents never disagreed. It’s not bad for parents to disagree in front of their children, so long as they do so in a polite and safe manner. This means no threats, name calling, or violence. Handle yourselves like civilized adults and teach your children how to handle disagreements successfully. Children will learn you can love someone while also disagreeing with them. This understanding actually makes them feel more secure.

    Although these myths are well intended, they often cause harm to a couple when they try one of these and it doesn’t work. What is most important in a marriage is simply each partner’s willingness to try to care for their spouse. They may not do it perfectly, but when each person feels the other genuinely cares, the marriage will thrive even when they don’t follow a checklist of things to do.

    Sponsor: Melt Your Man’s Heart

    Your husband can change! Randy Bennet, LMFT has taught thousands of women how to get the response from their husband they have always wanted. Based on the latest sciencetific research Melt Your Man’s Heart will show you how to quickly identify what’s tearing your relationship apart and what you need to do and say to draw your husband like a magnet.



  145.  #145Goodheart on May 3, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    “Oh no, he’s going to see me jiggle” – Jilly, that made me laugh out loud 🙂

    I love how you turned it around. Yay!

    Embracing our jigglies!

    Men Looove our jigglies 🙂



  146.  #146Daria on May 3, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    And for toxic people, they don’t need to have access to our delicate, beautiful hearts.

    That’s not how it works for me.

    1. People are not toxic as a whole

    2. Sharing my heart and opening is for ME. It’s honoring MYSELF. And doing it in front of everyone and anyone is MY SUPREME HONOR TO MYSELF.



  147.  #147Daria on May 3, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Ella – it will sound better without the You’s if it was me

    I remember feeling awful bein spoken to that way and I feel so glad that hasn’t been happening and I notice I still feel uptight and scared relating. I don’t wana feel that way with you! What do you think?



  148.  #148Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    If his family was all about fighting and verbal attacking was part of the environment and he was included in the free-for-all – then he’ll get angry and punch back verbally (or physically) – and think that’s normal.

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/relationship-advice-how-your-anger-can-only-make-him-love-you-more/



  149.  #149Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    by Dominique

    When something is present within you or rises up asking, begging to be healed, an emotional hurt from someone or something you love, one of your first clues will be a feeling of tension, a tight spot(s), a numb place, a painful knot.

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/heal-your-heart-through-the-love-in-your-body/



  150.  #150Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    #131 Lil Daria

    Don’t worry I can handle it, I am quite comfy after all in this little prison of my own making. 🙂

    I feel safe here and I like feeling safe and loved by myself.



  151.  #151Daria on May 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Dangerous men!

    Ah yes! I’m the goddess among the panthers!

    I feel magical so real and alive feeling surreal . Powerful. Special. Awesome. Unique… Exciting amazing fascinating.

    The woman who can be among tigers. They all love and worship and care for her, they might rip others to shreds.

    Feels so amazing for me to imagine, I feel captivated emthralled fascinated enchanted.

    So powerful wild beasts can connect w my powerful energy heart and wisdom …

    I am that powerful I create connection w anyone, even those deemed dangerous

    Especially them – i don’t judge them and I honor them – and I receive that in return.

    It’s ALL love.

    Even w tigers.

    I’m just brave, and blessed w seeing the love connection and energy in all brings.

    I feel sad to see beings being judged. And I don’t want to do that. I feel better to connect…

    And now I feel sad that I’m being judged like them

    Feared and ppl run away!

    And yet also feel fascinated and awed, amazed.

    I’m actually a happy sharing goddess.

    I feel sad of this separation.

    I want to heal it.



  152.  #152Daria on May 3, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Silver moonbeam – wow! Cool! That feels conforting.,. It reminds me of modern siren where Rori talks about The cage and how it’s comfy and way less scary than the world out there and it feels good to have it as a spot to hide.

    As a bird in the cage… We just kinda open the door… The crawl out and stand on top of it… Before flying – teleport – to a meadow

    Just flying right out might feel too scary



  153.  #153Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    #139 Dominique

    Honestly? I don’t know what I feel anymore.

    I have been lately on a blog where they talk about Taken In Hand (TIH) relationships and I can soooo relate to this.

    I am a woman that would be terrible with a submissive man as I am very strong and such a man well I would be tramping him down into the ground lol!!

    I need a man to take ME in hand yet I rail against these TIH relationships as it so goes against everything I THINK I believe.

    I wonder if this is why I am so attracted to the bad boy? The dominant alpha male because I am so strong myself in many ways?



  154.  #154Daria on May 3, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    I still feel really mad reading that thinking of my mom! U might be ok in your cage but I’m NOT watching you feel sad so much! Ugh I feel so mad



  155.  #155Starla on May 3, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    I did go to lunch with Alaska… it was friendly… we just sat and talked and walked around. He gives nice hugs.



  156.  #156R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    You know what I learned over time I hate bad boys maybe too much. I cannot stand the I am so bad image. That is what it is an image of which usually only the man in the mirror even believes. They are weak and have a lots of coping to handle but usually don’t so stats say u will be using drugs alcohol, pills something to compensate. Popular by demand in the music industry, Hollywood, u know those who have money left in these trying times. I also have learned I am ok and HAPPY yes I said HAPPY of who I am and what I stand for and realize I am a rare gem. My parents went on vacation and all day in North Carolina did some mining. Well my dad had patience for that stuff and he was a little digger that day..and went and found with my mom a bunch of gems. One has the possibilty of being a a ruby which has whatever the number value over a diamond. Yes indeed a rare find. This on the outside was not very pretty and covered with a thick wall of stone and dirt just giving you a glimpse of red color. The only man or woman that will benefit from that gem is too help clean the layers. Now that is the hardest part, a challenge, only lots of investigation and dedication will help you with this one now the strongest man, physially and emotionally, who is left standing in the end will see the beauty and feel proud of this gem. But he knew what it was, his heart and hard work got him there. This man will hold the gem and reap any and all benefits to the gem. Sometimes life screws with our vision and we get a little or even a lot off track sometimes. Skimming over precious gems that look like rocks that have way too much work to be done. I would love all to stop judging people, don’t care what people think of you, and most of all don’t assume you know everything about everything. If someone makes you second guess who you are in life you need to step back and find out before you lose yourself all together. This has been all directed at my personal stuff. Noone else on the blog but me, I was just getting some things off my chest. I feel great now 🙂 I am so the ruby in the rock..lol



  157.  #157R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Daria if your mom is sad let her get through it unless she comes to you. She is a big girl, you have to worry about loving you. I get in funks all the time but I have to laugh sometimes people say I am sad all the time dang people I just might be in my head. Or because I have a stank face or am going through stuff you may see don’t get involved. I will get through it on my own and so will your mom she has strength because I see it all over you.



  158.  #158Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Daria

    I like maybe even love Black Panther men, they are very exciting and a big turn on. 😀



  159.  #159Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Good heart LOL!!!! yes…men LOVE our jiggles!!! 🙂 I feel so good thinking this!

    Daria @146…YES!!! 🙂



  160.  #160R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    @158 What is a blackpanther man? hmmm never heard thyat



  161.  #161Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    And Dominique far from being a bad girl I really am the ultimate “good girl.”

    WTH is that all about?



  162.  #162Starla on May 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Daria, one thing I always get from your posts about your parents is that you deeply love them.



  163.  #163Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Radlove…I totally agree 🙂



  164.  #164Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Dunno RN AmazingMe I kinda got a vibe from Daria of militant sexy masculine men reaching out to me across the ether………..



  165.  #165R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Dang I have been doing some thinking watch out lots of smoke..haha Really though..I am really getting things in my life now wish I said it made more sense and wasn’t so complicated but then wouldn’t be life now would it 🙂



  166.  #166Starla on May 3, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Nurse Amazing, you really are amazing. I love it when you post here:)



  167.  #167Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Silvermoon…I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a bad boy…

    Rugby Man is NOT a bad boy but he is one of the most Alpha Males I have ever dated. He could play Maximus on Gladiator or something (he’s a hero)…

    he loves to wrestle and he LOVES making me call him “THE MASTER” lol before letting me go…and it’s all in fun…but it’s soooooo HOT!! He would never be one to get walked on or bullied by me…(or any woman)

    I think you would love one of these!!! 🙂



  168.  #168Starla on May 3, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    alaska seems sexier to me every time i see him.. he dresses so nice for his job and he has a very fancy job indeed for some very important people.

    i think these are just rebound juices flowing, though.



  169.  #169Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #146 – “And for toxic people, they don’t need to have access to our delicate, beautiful hearts.

    That’s not how it works for me.

    1. People are not toxic as a whole

    2. Sharing my heart and opening is for ME. It’s honoring MYSELF. And doing it in front of everyone and anyone is MY SUPREME HONOR TO MYSELF.”

    Daria, I feel happy to think perhaps you have never been hurt to the core, to where your soul of souls and heart of hearts feels like it is raging with intense pain that you might never pull out of.

    When I made my statement, I was talking about people whose intention IS to hurt me; take advantage of me; control me. I have felt such deep pain that I was suicidal; debilitated; left reeling on the floor like I was just ripped limb from limb.

    Here’s a basic example: if I were in my bedroom late at night when a strange man in a mask snuck in and held me at knifepoint, I would not be honoring my heart to tell him all about myself, etc. I would do my best to escape him and call 9-1-1. If that weren’t possible, I’d be screaming and fighting with all my might.



  170.  #170Mel on May 3, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Hey Starla,

    Even if they are rebound juices… so what! Rebounds are like… almost necessary, I think.



  171.  #171Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Starla…what if you forgot about there even being such a thing as rebounding?? I feel silly saying this…but I want you to be wild and free…and I see you twirling around on the grass without shoes on…. with out thinking thoughts of “this might be this” or “I think I feel this way because”….

    I see…oh…he dresses so nice…YUM! and he has a fancy job…YUM! for important people…sexy!!



  172.  #172Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    ok after being on the road for a week…I am craving…lot’s of veggies and fruit…I’m going to go the store so I can make some green smoothie and feel lighter…

    thank you Jilly



  173.  #173Starla on May 3, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    yeah, and he’s trying like h*ll to figure me out, it’s adorable. he goes all slow and cautiously.

    one thing i don’t like is the teasing. now i tease back by taking him 100% seriously, lol. and it creates sexual tension but this isn’t how i want to create sexual craving in my relationship. i don’t want to be teased.



  174.  #174Starla on May 3, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Woohoo! I just got a new job/client for my side business!!! I was just thinking I’d like to make a bit more money right now. Yay!!



  175.  #175Mel on May 3, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Jilly, SMB

    On Alpha Males…

    I think sometimes the alpha tendency can go into hiding because a man has been/is in a relationship with a woman who “wears the pants.”

    It must feel terrible to be emasculated.



  176.  #176lk on May 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    WOW, Radlove !

    “Here’s a basic example: if I were in my bedroom late at night when a strange man in a mask snuck in and held me at knifepoint, I would not be honoring my heart to tell him all about myself, etc. I would do my best to escape him and call 9-1-1. If that weren’t possible, I’d be screaming and fighting with all my might.”

    wow !!! actually i used to be afraid of that happening to me….. & actually, now that IS what i imagine doing now when i feel that fear… I DO imagine opening my heart to them…. wow that is so interesting that i’m talking about this…. & that you said it doesn’t makes sense… for some reason, i feel good thinking, oh, i’ll just be friendly & then maybe i will dxe if it feels right (?) hmmm….



  177.  #177Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Mel…I hear that… ((((((men))))))))



  178.  #178Daria on May 3, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Radlove – that feels weird. I feel mad. I feel like my life experiences are being assumed about – ive bern thri so mich pain ! U got the wrong chick if u thought I was gona feel bad for you and push my own self aside – and i dont feel honored..

    When men attack me violently, feeling messages and opening my heart is how I create a better feeling situation and can escape.

    I think I’ve got ‘opening your heart’ as meaning something else than what it means to me – feeling messages.

    Maybe to you – it means telling people about stiff that felt painful.

    For me, it’s what I feel now.

    When a man grabbed my arm violently on a recent date and I thought I might die… I used feeling messages and 5 second smile… Hey! I feel scared!

    I don’t wana feel this way… I was feeling good w u!

    This open heart is what connects even people behaving violently, or wild animals like tigers.

    Honestly, I’ve probably been thru a lot more of that painful soul feeling than You Radlove so I know I can heal from it everytime now.



  179.  #179Daria on May 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Sorry for the judgements

    I got all defensive

    Babysteps to noticing some stuff about me

    I feel sad now



  180.  #180Starla on May 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    ((((((Daria’s arm))))))))))



  181.  #181Daria on May 3, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    I feel guilty and scared and curious.

    Am I feeling sad to pre empt being attacked a
    and scolded



  182.  #182Daria on May 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Aww Starla thanks!!! Daria’s arm is feeling good right now on my iPod.

    Wrist still feels achy

    I notice shoulder inside where it used to hurt doesn’t anymore

    Yay healing!



  183.  #183Daria on May 3, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Yes I will die if it feels right my choice wow I feel inspired that Lk said that too



  184.  #184Daria on May 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Lol I just meant black panther/tiger as a metaphor for dangerous men/animals

    I live by Oakland :). My godsis mom was a black panther



  185.  #185Daria on May 3, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Wow Starla I feel honored a d seen about my love for mu parents!

    I swore them loyalty and devoted my life to putting them first when I was a kid and we had the big change and my mom fell apart it seemed

    Now I’m undoing that in babysteps to focus on me – and taking what felt useful and lovely and inspiring of that mode with me.



  186.  #186Daria on May 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    I’m terraform g myself and I truly feel sorry Radlove – I didn’t want to post that last part. It’s not true that I’ve been thru more of soul pain than anyone , and it’s not true that anyone else has more either

    I want to heal this



  187.  #187Jan on May 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Hi RN Amazing me. Sorry so late to respond to your message about our similarities (kids, small town). I’m in the middle of finals!
    I wanted to tell you how great that it made me feel that you heard what I was saying and could relate to it. Thanks….



  188.  #188Dominique on May 3, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Silver Moonbeam – Maybe it’s time to relinquish some of this “strength” which may not be strength at all, which could be fear of allowing vulnerability. It could be a stance you’ve acquired as self-protection.

    xxoo



  189.  #189lk on May 3, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    daria, thanks for saying that you hear me & thanks for saying that no one has more or less soul pain… that all feels True & Healing & i want to feel that non-judgment Love : )



  190.  #190Dominique on May 3, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Silver Moonbeam – It could be opposites attract, or it could be fascination with what you are not, or maybe you harbor a bad girl inside and maybe you secretly wish to explore her. It’s just that this hasn’t risen far enough to the surface as conscious thought.

    xxoo



  191.  #191R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    @166 Aww thank you Starla that makes me feel good 🙂



  192.  #192April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    I sent my text to EM, about not wanting to be the one to text first.
    He called me straight away. He sounded so present, and gentle.
    I said I feel silly texting you about why I don’t text you.
    His soft laughter melted me.



  193.  #193Daria on May 3, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Amazing Me – i felt bad reading your post for me (i felt good being told not to overfunction as i understood it tho) about my mom i felt sad reading it

    i felt like i was being pushed away and kept at bay

    told to go away and not relate

    that i can do this by myself thing felt bad, i felt left out and that feels sad

    i dont want to feel this way

    this is not about you

    — though personally i woudl practice opneing up to accepting help and asking for help with others and taking less of a “i’m going to do it all by msyelf without help and i have to, /No excuses” masculine and denying help and support attitude drill sargent stance, beat up on self voice

    I recently started noticing my “No excuses” voice felt BAD! and it’s not helpful at all as I though it would be… it pushes me but ignores my feelings and so the cycle of it repeats!! when acknowledging my feelings and not pushing myself instead heals and transforms —



  194.  #194Daria on May 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Yay April Rose! i personally will feel so excited to hear about even MORE cd’s



  195.  #195R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Sorry to trigger you Daria..it was my own stuff I guess. My mom is pretty controlling, over bearing but I love her so much, all my family. I guess I will admit I am a work in progress and do not wish to trigger you. I can just say why I said it which is I am thinking that so much is poked fun at and not enough gets recognized after awhile its just not funny anymore. Bless my parents I know they have been my lifeline but that cant be the answer for everything. I am trying to do this all alone because they make comments to others or me that still kinda hurt.I am tired of constantly trying to prove that. I shouldn’t I am exhausted from trying too hard to compensate for what they have done for me and that I can never do so I am trying to jump off the old hampster wheel but its not easy I guess. Sorry girl, good thoughts to you and your mom!



  196.  #196April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Daria,

    I’m reflecting more on what you wrote me in 121 and 124

    It feels like two opposite takes on one situation. THIS IS WHAT I DO TO MYSELF ALL THE TIME.

    121. You are being neglected. Recommend ‘Toxic Men’

    124. You can turn this around and get the affection you want.

    I am constantly bouncing between feeling defeated and feeling hopeful.
    Intending to find a measure of the likelihood of this turnaround becoming a reality.
    At what point does a turnaround actually happen?
    I know it is a mysterious magical thing. Do I need to decide if it’s worth it to put in the work with this man?
    Or is he great practice whatever the outcome?



  197.  #197lk on May 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    i feel a little sad & weird

    cd sent an email to an old childhood friend (a woman, who is married) & he sent some pictures to her & one of the pictures is of me…

    but the picture he sent of me is like….. Really Embarrassing ! ??

    like….. my eyes are open-ing (you know that weird cross-eyed blinking half-open look)…. i’m about to say something (so my mouth is slack-jawed…)

    ?????????????????????????

    i just feel so awful about it….. & last night i said, i feel kind of embarrassed that you sent that picture to someone i don’t know

    & he explained that he just loves that picture & thinks it shows my Nature …..

    i don’t care. i don’t want embarrassing pictures of me sent to people i don’t know ! i don’t think that’s very confusing.

    & now after a long day i feel extra sensitive about it & a little grumpy : ( it feels extra bad that he sent it to another woman… even though i do feel nice & cared-for that he tells me who he contacts… i still don’t want to be embarrassed & i feel confused why he would want to send such an un-flattering picture to Represent Me. humbug feel mad



  198.  #198April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Daria,
    I agree. More CDs!!!

    Finding better and better men!



  199.  #199R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    I didn’t explain well but for me it’s like my parents want me here but I need to fly. Leave the nest, I know I cannot do that yet for I am not financially able. When they repeat it’s hard out there over and over and make it seem I cannot make it without them it makes me feel bad. I was a single mom with three babies and worked fulltime and did everything else at home. I had to or my kids would suffer. So I know it is going to be hard, life is not easy if so we would all be living like the Clever’s..Ahh sorry I got triggered now rambling.



  200.  #200Daria on May 3, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    ugh thats me all pushing i feel all judgemental

    i really do feel uncomfortable reading about just 2 men tho!

    im like feeling panicked and bounced around myself! – bounce effect

    it feels like im a big stagnant and suffocated and not breathing like i feel when a woman is feeling super powerful and surroudned by many diff men



  201.  #201April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Yes,

    How the f*ck do I heal this. I feel so frustrated with myself.
    I constantly find myself split between two polarities; two points of view; two men: two of everything.

    This challenge is visible in my birthchart: represented by an unusual angle between the Moon and Sun.



  202.  #202Starla on May 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    I’m home from work early:)
    Have other work to do.
    My new client wants a LOT of work done this weekend. I’m going to clear my social plans and do it. I welcome the cash!!



  203.  #203April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    The Moon = feelings
    The Sun = Spirit, purpose

    Harmonising these two is my great challenge



  204.  #204Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Starla…is this for your song translations?? 🙂



  205.  #205R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    My feelings is that I told my sister and my best friend and I have been like this for last 20 years. I am here for you when your sad or feeling low and celebrate with you your happiness. I will not judge you and even if we don’t agree it’s ok. life is too short for you not to have a place in your life a special friend that you can count on no matter what without and judgement.



  206.  #206Starla on May 3, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    ((((((((April Rose))))))))))))



  207.  #207R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Yo0u know Daria I read that post and made it about me and I am sorry. I wish you the best with your family I am at no place to tell anyone how to fix that…lol. I am living in the coocooos nest over here lol.



  208.  #208Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    April Rose…I am too…what’s your sign?

    I am exactly on the cusp of Cancer and Leo…and I am split down the middle (that’s what the lady said) and they are completely opposite…



  209.  #209Starla on May 3, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Jilly, no, it’s campaign finance stuff. 😀



  210.  #210R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    @196 I so agree with this AprilRose. I am feeling like beaten down with it. Yuck



  211.  #211April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    I would feel so soothed and thankful for some help in putting together a script (letter) for WM.
    Something gentle and respectful, that puts forward my desire to open the doors to circular dating more men.

    I love you and treasure you. When we are light and playfuI together I feel myself belonging in a world of warmth and stars and pleasures.
    Right now, though, I feel so heavy and defeated being in a relationship with you. I feel my worst issues coming up and I’m sorry if I have taken them out on you. You are very precious to me.
    I feel a lot of pressure on us both, and it is making me feel angry and resentful. I can’t seem to shake the anger. My only escape is to have fun. I want to go out and enjoy myself in different ways, with different people. I want this for myself. I don’t want ‘closure’ with you. I would like you to be one of those people I have fun dates with.
    What do you think?



  212.  #212Sassy on May 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Well, it’s 6:15 Thursday evening and I never heard a single word from JT. I feel neglected and sad and ignored again!
    Day One of the “Lizka lean back”, coming right up.
    I need to heal this and get over it. I don’t want to feel the way I feel about him and continue to be treated as a non-priority.
    BTW, he IS a bad boy and yes, I am veryyyyy attracted to bad boys. Always have been!



  213.  #213Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Starla…that’s awesome!!



  214.  #214Jenny on May 3, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Ok ladies…now I’m feeling a little lost and supriced. I’m still feeling a little shaking and and I feel like a noob.

    ..I feel I need to breath, sort things out. I’m right now chatting with a man and he is throwing me out of balance in so many ways. I is starting to feel hard to stay open and vulnarable. I can feel him touching my heart and it feels scary, so scary and nice at the same time. It feels good, it feels like freedom…and it feels scary at the same time.

    Anyway I have been doing Fm with him all the time.

    He is responding very well to everything.

    for example when I said “I feel worried about my cats and your catallergic”

    He just said; “Dont worry, I have medicine and if it will be a problem we sort it out”

    He have also written stuff like “You have grown in value in my eyes” and “I love to read about how you feel, you must forgive me, I’m so attracted to you, you are such femine woman”

    And somedays ago he said: “I want you to fall asleep while I’m still inside you, I want to you to feel so safe with me”

    He sends me links to songs he likes, his “warrior song” and other songs like those that makes him smile, feel romantic.

    We had a little issues about miss understanding but it is sorted out.

    He tried to give me bad feelings about em having contact with other men; I just told him that it feelt odd to put such preasure on us already, since we havent meet yet and started to date…so he totelly went soft on me and let it go.

    He have told me he is dating other woman…and tonight I told him:

    “I really appricite you being honest with me, it feels so nice. I feel jelous on that woman, it feels awful, I dont want to hear more details about your meeting with them”

    This is his respond:
    “I dont know why I wrote it, maybe becourse I dont know what to call what you and I have. It wasnt in order to make myself better noir to make you sad. It was out of happiness for a good meeting”

    I wrote:
    “Aww I feel happy when you are honest and tell me things. I have my limits what I can hear. I feel honest and for my own sake I tell when something feels wrong…and i tell when something feels good.”

    His respons:
    “I didnt write it to hurt you”

    Me:
    “Thanks. I feel no angry feelings. It feels scary how easy it feels to be honest, to feel open, varm and vulnarable.”

    He:
    “Do you mean that 🙂 ? How is it possible?”

    That questing throw me out of balance a little, I feelt suprice by his question. I could fel how I started to shut myself down..my inner boy started to want to explain. Anyway I wrote:

    “yes I mean it. I dont know – maybe since I allways listen to my feelings and say my feelings”

    Ladies…help and any thoughts, I feel a little lost. How much do I explain when a man ask why I feel and how I can feel?



  215.  #215April Rose on May 3, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Hi Jilly,
    I work with aspects between planets in a birthchart,
    more than with zodiac signs, but I hear what you’re saying about your Sun sign.
    The effect of planets positioned at the cusp of signs or houses can be stronger aswell.
    I feel curious. Do you feel split? Or have challenges with duality?



  216.  #216Healing Waterfall on May 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    HIIIIIII!!!!!!

    I love my new moonlighting gig! It is not great money, but it feels so comforting to work with doggies and pet them and give them baths and the people who work there are also very sweet….

    It should round out my finances pretty well.

    I got a call from a cancer survivorship organization to give some talks…

    I think I have a date this weekend…

    I will write more about this later….i will be on the blog more tonight since you keep me feeling less lonely as I correct my papers….

    i feel so thankful for the connection and it helps me to read about what’s going on for all of you and comment and chime in and i feel better able to give good feedback to my students….

    grrrrr….i had to get a key for my crush’s office today, since he is letting us use the space for a fundraising event and i am the contact for him…..

    he just melts me, he told me how incredible sexy I look and how he loves my shape and I just sat there and listened and got so aroused…..but that is all that happened….and it did feel good and juicy….as long as i get out there and cd….

    Yes, i totally relate to one of the themes on the blog tonight, being attracted to bad boys…..

    well, i had better get some decaf with just a little bit of high test to get me through this project….



  217.  #217siren song on May 3, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    I have a date in an hour. Wish me luck!



  218.  #218Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    April Rose,

    I don’t really feel split. I don’t pay too much attention to it…but sometimes when “signs” come up I’m like “I’m BOTH” . It feels lovely to me.

    What if you embraced that you had two sides to everything? that feels good and open and free…how amazing is it to be able to see “all” sides…one side and the opposite…why do you want to fight it?



  219.  #219Starla on May 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    wow, siren song, you’re the dating queen right now!



  220.  #220R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    I just have not had the opportunity to date unless it’s online. I realized I guess I am now too honest for online and take people for what they say then bam in your face guess again they are not what they say. Gets old I get irritated like its not fun for me so I am trying to figure it out. I mean, starting a new job in a new area will help.



  221.  #221R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    And somedays ago he said: “I want you to fall asleep while I’m still inside you, I want to you to feel so safe with me” This is HOT!!!!!!..love that 🙂



  222.  #222R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Not perverted but wow, that deep and NO PUN INTENDED .



  223.  #223Starla on May 3, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    wow, I finished this one project hours early! Now I can study for my Chinese final and have all of tomorrow night to work on the remaining projects.

    Easy Peazy, I’m superduper surrounded by abundance and opportunity.



  224.  #224Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    LK,

    176 – That feels weird to hear. I wonder if you have a death wish?



  225.  #225Rose on May 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Feeling so much gratitude right now..that feels yummy…that feels like welcoming more of that into my life yes!!

    Thank you Rose for feeling all this gratitude for everyone and everything good in my life right now..

    Thank you Rose for getting me the fresh organic produce and taking the time to make that yummy greek salad, felt so good

    Thank you for taking all this extra care inside and out, it feels amazing!

    Thank you for voting for me!!



  226.  #226Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Daria,

    178 – “Radlove – that feels weird. I feel mad. I feel like my life experiences are being assumed about – ive bern thri so mich pain ! U got the wrong chick if u thought I was gona feel bad for you and push my own self aside – and i dont feel honored..

    When men attack me violently, feeling messages and opening my heart is how I create a better feeling situation and can escape.

    I think I’ve got ‘opening your heart’ as meaning something else than what it means to me – feeling messages.

    Maybe to you – it means telling people about stiff that felt painful.

    For me, it’s what I feel now.”

    I feel a lil shocked and a lil clueless, like I don’t understand. I wonder if we are talking about two different things.

    I was not at ALL trying to diminish your pain. I was truly feeling a moment of happiness to hope that your perspective was coming from a sheltered place where all people were good and meant well. That was not meant as an insult to you.

    I find innocence and naivete beautiful at a very deep level.

    I am on board with telling a predatory person that I feel scared…yet some of them get off on the fear…they are sadistic. So even then I would use caution.

    When I think of open heart I think about telling people freely who i really am inside. i think that is only safe with my inner circle of friends, those who have proven they are out for MY good, not to use me for their self centered purposes. As an example, i wouldn’t give my house key to just anyone on the street. i would expect to be robbed, raped, etc.

    I wonder if by “open heart” you mean strictly feeling messages. In that case, in most cases i would agree that it is the way to go. I was thinking more about deep honesty.



  227.  #227Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Daria,

    181 – “I feel guilty and scared and curious.

    Am I feeling sad to pre empt being attacked a
    and scolded”

    In my case, it is not my desire to attack and scold. I understand you are processing your inner feelings here. But I just want you to know in the case of my interaction with you, I am never trying to pick a fight with you.

    I am KEENLY interested in your perspectives, and I learn from you almost daily. When I have a difference of perspective, I am deeply honest with you and I put it out there not to fight, but to discuss. To me, there’s a big difference. I immensely enjoy putting my thoughts and feelings out there and turn them over, walk around them, peer in them closely with a magnifying glass, and thereby, to fine tune them. I welcome you in that process.

    At what times i slip into my old behavior of being harsh and angry, I deeply apologize, past, present, and future, to you and to all the other Sirens. I am in process, and I feel really good about my progress.



  228.  #228Ella on May 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Wow,

    MWC just keeps coming through for me again and again and again…

    Today he reached into the pit and pulled me right back up and out.

    He always knows when something is up with me and he listens patiently…

    And he is just consistent.

    In his love for me and his positivity when I am feeling down.

    Its hard to explain.

    Its like he just doesn’t let it (my negative emotions) throw him off track.

    He doesn’t always want to talk about my negative feelings. Sometimes he will, but even if he doesn’t he will do everything he can think of to make me feel better.

    And every single time I have felt suspicious of him for anything recently, it has turned out that he has not been doing anything untoward.. in fact he is usually doing something with us in mind.

    It feels really, really good.

    To be got in this way.

    And of course I express my happy emotions too!



  229.  #229Femininewoman on May 3, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Jenny hi. You did very well. I would just add that I am just a girl here and I feel a lot.



  230.  #230Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Turquoise,

    my 227 – That goes for you, too, and I so hope you will accept my apology for a few days ago when I was harsh with you. I feel really bad about it and I value you and i wonder if you will forgive me?



  231.  #231Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Daria,

    183 – “Yes I will die if it feels right my choice wow I feel inspired that Lk said that too”

    Once again, I feel deeply disturbed to hear that. Death is my enemy.



  232.  #232Brandylion on May 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    FW, #149: That is so true! In the two weeks between my last visit with PriestCD and him breaking up with me, I developed a knot below my left shoulder blade that was there only while running (which is something we did together, and our relationship was often a subject of my thoughts while running). I felt it only once more in the week afterward. I did notice at the time that that weird tension developed and then disappeared, and next time I will pay better attention to what my body is telling me!



  233.  #233Daria on May 3, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Radlove – lol! death is not my enemy… death is a part of life and every being dies!

    it feels amazing and transformative and beautiful

    🙂 its one of life’s mysterious transitions just like birth!



  234.  #234Brandylion on May 3, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I have talked to two men from OkC this week. I have realized just how much I miss talking to a smart, articulate man. I have felt blah with both of these guys, less so the one from tonight than the one on Saturday.



  235.  #235Daria on May 3, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    im sorry you feel disturbed Radlove

    id feel so awesome to embrace that theres no need to fear death and to share that with the world

    so much suffering will cease! yay!1

    i believe i choose what i experience, and death is a choice



  236.  #236Daria on May 3, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Here’s this essay about it i felt so inspired by that I posted 2 years ago:

    Path of the Sacred Warrior
    by Peggy Andreas

    First circulated on the newsgroup alt.religion.shamanism, this essay was published in Towards 2012 part I: Death/Rebirth (The Unlimited Dream Company, 1995). It forms the start of a trilogy which continues with Path of the Sacred Clown and Path of the Shaman. Written around 1995.

    “Hoka Hey!” exclaims the Sioux warrior riding into battle, “Today is a good day to die.” A true warrior dares to do the impossible. She dares death and she respects death, both. A story about Native American warriors puts it this way, “Warriors live with death at their side, and from the knowledge that death is with them, they draw the courage to face anything. The worst that can happen to us is that we have to die, and since that is already our unalterable fate, we are free; those who have lost everything no longer have anything to fear.”1

    The Path of the Sacred Warrior begins with the awareness that we are mortal beings, that we are going to die. Knowing this, we can see our lives in better perspective. Knowing this, we can act ALWAYS so that we will be able to die centered, beyond fear, at peace with what we have made from the stuff of our lives. The goal is to live our lives well in order to eventually die well, so that what is eternal about us (our Spirit?) will be set free. We must each come to terms with our own personal Deaths. For instance, I like to think that my body is offspring of an act of love between my Spirit and the Elemental world. I like to think that MY death will be a final consummation and bittersweet orgasmic consumption of that love!

    The Sacred Warrior walks her path with her Death at her side. And her Death makes Herself available to the Sacred Warrior as an advisor, teacher, and friend. This relationship with her Death calls the Sacred Warrior to be who she truly is, to live her life fully and completely, to use the power-from-within. As Agnes Whistling Elk says in the story Medicine Woman, “You can only be dangerous when you accept your death. Then you become dangerous in spite of anything. You must learn to see the awake ones. A dangerous woman can do anything because she will do anything. A powerful woman is unthinkable because the unthinkable belongs to her. Everything belongs to her, and anything is possible.”2

    In Native American lore, stories of warriors often reveal a childhood filled with inner turmoil and outward aggressiveness. Baby warriors are keen to explore the world and they don’t want anyone or anything to get in their way. They may fight with their siblings or test the parents mercilessly. Warriors often seem to have come into life with an excess of energy. Their temperaments are fiery; their wills, strong. A young warrior who is thwarted in her physical expression will almost certainly compensate with surplus mental or emotional energy.

    The story of the Tewa Cottonwood Warchief, Pohaha, illustrates this theme. Always angry when young, she rebelled when coaxed to do domestic work. Finally, her tribe consented to let her go to battle, where she distinguished herself mightily. After that, it was said, her constant anger disappeared and “she became a good woman.”3 Her name, Pohaha, means “wet-between-the-legs-ha-ha” because of her habit of pulling up her dress to taunt her enemies with the fact that she was a woman! Eventually, the great Pohaha was elected “Warchief” by the elders. As War Chief, she would have to lead her people against enemies, protect them from sickness and treat them as her children. She took her charge seriously; and when she died, she left her mask and said it would represent her even if she was dead. “I will be with you all the time,” she told her tribe, “The mask is me.”4 The Cottonwood people keep her mask, and tell her story, to this day.

    A young warrior is hard to control. But once that warrior is trusted with a challenging task, she is on her way to SELF-CONTROL. Native Americans begin the warrior-training with hunting lessons, along with basic wilderness-survival skills. They teach the young huntress a respect for her “prey.” They show the young one that to learn from one’s Death (the Ultimate Huntress), one needs to develop humility, patience, and an ability to keep a clear head—or, at least, to clear one’s head, fast! The wilderness-survival training is a good idea for a Sacred Warrior—it gives her a true knowledge of her world, and of her relationship to it. It gives her Nature as her first Opponent. She learns that one cannot “compete” with such a powerful Opponent. Yet she also learns that this Opponent is a mirror to her own heart, and as such deserves respect and, even, love. From this realization, she goes on to learn self-defense and self-reliance.

    Obviously, this is a path of courage. Native Americans call their warriors “Braves” for a reason. The more courage one showed, the more honored the warrior! “Braves” (both female and male) who rode into battle did not seek to kill the opposition. It was considered much braver to humiliate (“count coup on”) the opposition by getting close enough to simply touch, or to capture the opposition’s ceremonial pipe, war bonnet, shield or bow.5 To kill another warrior was considered a dubious accomplishment. To kill “innocents” was considered cowardly. In ancient days, it is said that great warriors would not attack a camp, but would enter and be welcomed. They would be put up in the “enemy tipi” to rest and be fed. Then all the young warriors of the camp would come to challenge the great warrior, hoping to “count coup” but usually just lucky to hold their own. No doubt they received a few lessons in the holding.

    “Capturing” (what we might call “stealing”) became one of the greatest warrior feats. Since there was no idea of property, it was more like “reclaiming.” This is where the White insult of “Indian-giver” originated. Entities (like horses) or places (like a forest or a plain) could not be “owned” by anyone; therefore they belonged to those who took care of them.

    In the modern world, our battles are usually fought in somewhat different arenas. Many writers and re-claimers of Herstory are Sacred Warriors, realizing that “The pen is mightier than the sword”. “Say you were a writer and you decided to pick Anaïs Nin as your worthy opponent. You tried to beat her in creativity and ideas. In a sense, you would use her to see yourself. You don’t want her to fail—you would lose your model. What does a medicine person want you to do? They want to give away to you until you have power so that you can become a worthy opponent to another worthy warrior.”6 What IS opposition, anyway? This question is central to the Sacred Warrior’s Path. It does NOT involve contempt. It is wasteful to feel contempt for people or other entities. A Native American warrior speaking to a group of White Americans put it this way, “You people have such anger and fear and contempt for your so-called criminals that your crime rate goes up and up. Your society has a high crime rate because it is in a perfect position to receive crime. You should be working WITH these people, not in opposition to them. The idea is to have contempt for crime, not for people. It’s more useful to think of every individual as another YOU—to think of every individual as a representative of the universe. Even the worst criminal in life imprisonment sitting in his cell—the center of him is the same seed, the seed of the whole creation.”7

    So what is the feeling that the Sacred Warrior cultivates within herself? Detachment is important. “Everyone who wants to follow the warrior’s path has to rid herself of fixation: the compulsion to possess and hold onto things.”7 It is easy to see that walking with one’s Death at one’s side can help one remember that “you can’t take it with you.” Besides, a fluid warrior needs to be free of burdens, needs to be free to think clearly, and move at a moment’s notice. She also needs to be able to live in the present. In order to cultivate detachment, a warrior develops her sense of humor and a great sense of resourcefulness. These become her shields. She can feel her strong and passionate emotions and then let them pass THROUGH her. She can laugh at herself.

    But there is a danger in detachment. A warrior can become so self-reliant that she becomes arrogant and uncompromising. She becomes incapable of compassion. What brings the “sacredness” to the path of the Sacred Warrior is LOVE. To the Sacred Warrior, Love is felt when the heart is open. Great warriors are said to have great hearts, and even the strongest, most skilled, most dangerous warrior becomes Sacred when she puts herself in service (as a Guardian or a Champion) to a child, a needy group, a holy place, a worthy task. MOST of all, the Sacred Warrior is at the service of those who truly require her. She does this not for them, but for herself. Her love and service are free, without attachment or expectation—unconditional. She knows, perhaps more than anyone else, that to truly love is the most dangerous and most daring act a Sacred Warrior can perform. An Apache maiden, Lozen, became a powerful and respected warrior. Expert in riding and roping, she was always able to bring back enemy horses. She was dedicated to helping her people. It is said that once she found herself alone in enemy territory with a young mother and her baby. She spent several gruelling months leading them to safety, when she could have just as easily rode away by herself. As she matured in her compassion, she began to develop the uncanny ability to determine the location of the enemy, and became a welcome voice at tribal strategy meetings.9 Throughout Native American lore, there are many such stories of big-hearted Braves. While they are much admired and honored for their hunting, fighting, and survival skills, they are even more respected and loved for their compassion and kindness.

    In the past, Sacred Warriors battled for the protection and survival of their tribes, and for personal satisfaction. This is still true, but in our Age, the definition of “tribe” can vary. The Sacred Warrior who travels on “A path with a heart” must find her own sacred battlefield. The fight may be for justice, or peace, or respect—whether personally or publicly. Many Sacred Warriors fulfil the Native American prophecy of the “Warriors of the Rainbow” that says, “When the Earth is sick and dying, all over the world people will rise up as Warriors of the Rainbow to save the planet.”10 This prophecy is furthered by the words of a modern Native American/Eskimo who says, “Great are the tasks ahead, terrifying are the mountains of ignorance and hate and prejudice, but the Warriors of the Rainbow shall rise as on the wings of the eagle to surmount all difficulties. They will be happy to find that there are now millions of people all over the earth ready and eager to rise and join them in conquering all barriers that bar the way to a new and glorious world! We have had enough now of talk. Let there be deeds.”11

    http://dreamflesh.com/essays/warriorpath/

    Monday, 3 May 2010 @ 7:49pm



  237.  #237Daria on May 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    ((((Radlove)))) I really appreciate your post regarding your intentions with me 🙂

    the scolding fear is something of a pattern from childhood… i actually felt kinda smily and safe though…

    i can handle it and ALSO… i felt kinda good thinking that i likely wouldn’t be scolded rite now anyway since you’re so gentle and aware with me AWWW (((Radlove))))



  238.  #238Jessie1000 on May 3, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    I am at a conference far from my home….i am bored of academics…my room has no tv….yuck cause it was super cheap and i am hiding in a computer lab cause its too early to feel like sleeping…lol

    I am trying to flirt and speak to people…new stuff
    I feel interested in people more and i am trying to get out of my head

    I feel like sleeping on my own couch
    i miss my kids
    i miss my routine
    i miss my back yard and having my car
    i am going to have a cigarette
    lol
    hi sirens….much love to you alll….at least i can take all of you wherever i go!
    you all sound wonderful
    lots of moving and shaking on the blog!



  239.  #239Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Jilly and April Rose,

    I heard that this Saturday the full moon is going to appear larger than normal.



  240.  #240Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Daria,

    237 – Awww, that feels smilkey and it brought tears to my eyes.



  241.  #241Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Daria,

    235 – When it is my time to go home, I am willing and am ok with it. But the way you talk about it being a choice feels more like a death wish to me.

    i believe what it says in Shawshank Redemption (movie):

    “You’re either busy living or you’re busy dying.”

    I guess having lived in depression most of my life, as in, feeling immersed in it growing up around a depressed mother, that is a huge big deal to me. My life was filled with sighs of hopelessness and lethargy, too sad to push ahead and live abundantly and thriving.

    Another saying I heard is, “Movement is life. Without movement, there is no life.” I am not sure where I heard this. But I think of it often as a gauge to how depressed I am, to check my emotional wellness.

    In fighting depression, I fight death, because the path of depression is one of lethargy and no movement.

    I have chosen against heavy odds to live.



  242.  #242LoveAlways on May 3, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    I’m having a bittersweet celebration . . .

    I leaned forward, sent one last text and then deleted CD assertive from my phone forever . . .

    I can feel the lightness, I feel a shift in my vibe, I feel release and I feel sad, but a strong sad – the type that fades away quietly. . .



  243.  #243Daria on May 3, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    “The Sacred Warrior walks her path with her Death at her side. And her Death makes Herself available to the Sacred Warrior as an advisor, teacher, and friend. This relationship with her Death calls the Sacred Warrior to be who she truly is, to live her life fully and completely, to use the power-from-within. As Agnes Whistling Elk says in the story Medicine Woman, “You can only be dangerous when you accept your death. Then you become dangerous in spite of anything. You must learn to see the awake ones. A dangerous woman can do anything because she will do anything. A powerful woman is unthinkable because the unthinkable belongs to her. Everything belongs to her, and anything is possible.”2”



  244.  #244Jilly on May 3, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Radlove…that’s cool..I’ll be looking for it!! 🙂 I wonder if it means anything…

    Radlove…have you heard of Abigail Steidley? I think you would love her. http://www.anamsong.com/



  245.  #245Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Well ladies, please bear with me in my process. I am baby stepping away from initiating with men, after feeling a good shift yesterday that is further transforming my beliefs about relationships that I want to heal.

    since I am still blundering and floundering, I initiated tonight with Yorky to do a little damage control. He is the one I met last June for one date who has a house worth about $500,000.

    He is the one I almost had a date with on Monday, and then I put him off until Wednesday. Now it is Thursday, and I never heard back from him, so I attempted some bumbling damage control by text as follows:

    B: Hi Yorky, I feel foolish and embarrassed. I wish I had just told you I couldn’t have come until Wednesday. (Note: without going thru all that about not having gas money until Wednesday).

    (an hour later)

    B: Unemployment unexpectedly took $600 out of my April income. That does not equate to me being a loser. My value is found in my identity in God, who created me in His image and lives in me. My financial struggles amount to no more than a bump in the road. What do you think? (Note: I just realized that the autocorrect! Where’s Butterfly Wings? 😆 ).

    Y: I’m not a material guy. I understand about your check which is why I offered to pay for your gas.

    B: Oh, oh, now i feel sheepish cuz i made an assumption. I guess i was feeling a lil disappointed I hadn’t heard back from you. Please excuse me. Blushing

    Y: I don’t care how much money you have as long as you are nice.

    B: Aww, that feels good to hear…and my heart feels beautiful in its love and compassion for all people.

    Y: Well that’s all I need.

    B: 🙂

    I feel happy! I think sometimes leaning forward pays. Eh-eh…I know, I know!!!



  246.  #246lk on May 3, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    you’re god & i’m god. we’re making god together.



  247.  #247LoveAlways on May 3, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    April Rose
    211

    I feel so much right now –

    I feel warm and star-like when the two of us are light and playful. I feel so much love for you. I treasure you.

    I also feel a lot of pressure.
    I feel heavy.
    I feel defeated.
    I feel resentful.
    I feel angry.
    I feel my worst issues coming up.
    I feel bad for acting out these feelings.
    I don’t want to feel bad together.
    I don’t want to feel these icky things anymore.
    I don’t want to put any more pressure on us
    but I don’t want feel ‘closure’ with you.
    I feel closed off.

    OMG I JUST WANT TO FEEL FUN
    and good
    and in love
    and feel enjoyment in so many ways
    and feel fun going out with other people
    and feel lovely going out with you
    and feel good doing this for me
    I want to feel free and sweet
    What do you think?



  248.  #248LoveAlways on May 3, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Spoke to CDdj tonight. I feel supported. That makes me feel warm and embraced in the shoulders and arm like sitting close to a raging fire in a fireplace. He gives me tips and pointers and quizzes even about nutrition and exercise! I felt so comfortable I told him my deepest fear – that I feel scared that I may lose my boobs!! He comforted me and did not laugh at me. This made me feel sooooooo safe. I had never spoken that feeling before. I really love the attention, and I love digging deep for the feelings that I don’t readily recognize are there. I feel so light. Gonna go work out now.



  249.  #249LoveAlways on May 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Oh, Ravenquile
    # 99
    We all do that honey!!!
    Welcome to the blog 🙂

    LoveAlways



  250.  #250GivingGirl on May 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    I’ve been MIA for a couple of days. It’s going to be stressful for me until Monday with my final project due for school. I hope everyone is well.

    I wanted your advice on a response.

    I emailed Mr. Observant asking him what beer he drinks so I can plan accordingly for my party. I know this is probably overfunctioning, but I like to be a good host and have what my guests enjoy (it’s not just him I do this for).

    Anyways, he responded about the beer and then asked, “How are you doing?”

    I replied, “I’m doing good. I’m feeling a little stressed over my final drawing for school, but that will be over come Monday. Thanks for asking.

    How about you?”

    He replied, “I would like to see your final drawing. I am sure you will get a good grade. You are going to do very well for yourself.”

    If you notice, he didn’t answer how he was. I want to reply something like, “Thank you for the vote of confidence. You are sweet. I will show you my final drawing. You can see it at my party. You didn’t say how you are, so how are you?”

    What do you think? Is that too pushy asking again? Should I just leave it be? Should I leave “You can see it at my party.” out?



  251.  #251Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    My 245 – Correction:

    Somehow part of what I typed got erased:

    Note: I just realized that the autocorrect changed “Think” to ‘tinkering”.



  252.  #252Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Jilly,

    244 – You wonder if what means anything?

    Thanks for the website! I’ll check it out. I subscribed to the elist.



  253.  #253Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Daria,

    243 – I heard that the most dangerous people on earth are those who are on death row. They will do anything, because they have nothing to lose.

    When I have a worthy cause, i have already proven more than once that I will choose a higher good over my own life. I am dangerous in the sense of being all-out devoted to that or to whom I choose to devote myself…because I have nothing to lose.

    But I will never call death my friend, ever. Death is my enemy.



  254.  #254Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    LK,

    246 = “you’re god & i’m god. we’re making god together.”

    I am not God. But God lives in me and through me. I am whole, complete, and lacking nothing because of it. Which is why I agreed with Daria yesterday when she said we are perfect.

    Love it.



  255.  #255Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    GG,

    250 – that is a pet peeve of mine when people don’t respond to my questions in conversation. And it seems to happen frequently. I usually just let it go, or if it’s really buggin’ me, I bring it back around and ask it in different words…

    How are you doing?

    (a few sentences later…)

    So what’s new in your life?

    Or if it’s a yes/no question and they ignore it, I borrow a line from “Ghost Busters”:

    “Well, I’d call that a big no!” But I know that’s snarky, so I do it less and less.



  256.  #256Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Where’d you all go? I bet you’re watching Avatar on Fox! I’m watching it too…multitasking, which I get a charge from doing.



  257.  #257GivingGirl on May 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Thanks, Radlove.

    I’m wondering if he didn’t see it at the bottom of my email. I guess that is possible.



  258.  #258Aurora Girl on May 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    236 Daria

    deep into the essay:
    “You must learn to see the awake ones.”

    powerful…love it….
    xo
    Aurora



  259.  #259GivingGirl on May 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    After reading this post, I feel like I owe closure to BoatGuy, even though we both just stopped communicating, but I was pretty closed off the last few times he texted me random nothings.



  260.  #260Starla on May 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Giving Girl, forgive me for saying this, but you don’t owe nobody nothing. Turn all that energy back on yourself and love on you, I say!



  261.  #261VW on May 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    Hello Darlings 🙂

    Read a few (ok, maybe half, lol, of the comments 🙂 I have some feedback for Silver Moonbeam and Ella 🙂 Ladies, if interested, let me know…

    The blog is awesome and so right on 🙂 and of course, Rori’s touch makes it ‘best’ as always 🙂

    Lots of love to you all 🙂



  262.  #262siren song on May 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    wow…interesting date.

    the guy was so nervous he drove through a red light. he was super-super into me. i felt overwhelmed.

    right on! 😉



  263.  #263Starla on May 3, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    I could feel myself falling into a weird immobile depressive pit all evening, but something in me got me off the sofa and into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face for the night. I feel really glad that something moved me, cuz I would have just passed out without taking care of myself, which is a habit I absolutely do not want to have. It feels good to break patterns of depression.



  264.  #264Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    VW,

    261 – I feel happy to see you hear. You have such a beautiful spirit. i love how you call us “Darlings”…you are Darling!

    Love, Me



  265.  #265Zara on May 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    4: April Rose says:
    ****“Shutting down EVER isn’t serving you.”
    I am shutting down. I feel so much anger and resentment. I feel so restricted. I feel bored.
    I don’t know how to heal this.****

    Is he still married to another woman?



  266.  #266Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    {{{Starla}}},

    263 – Good going! Keep on keep on keeping on! Keep on doing it to it! You are handling this idyllically, and you are so strong. How I wish I could take away your pain.



  267.  #267Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    I am so bummed I fell asleep at the end of Avatar! I missed the ending!



  268.  #268siren song on May 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    newsflash: i don’t have to do anything special for a man to dig me.

    i am enough.



  269.  #269Memulo on May 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    He texted and called tonight out of the blue to say that he is coming to visit on Sunday. He said he can’t function without me…….



  270.  #270siren song on May 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    oooh memulo…:-)



  271.  #271siren song on May 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    ((starla))



  272.  #272Starla on May 3, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Memulo, thanks for sharing! how do you feel??



  273.  #273Angela on May 3, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    Hi ladies,
    I haven’t written in a few months but I wanted to get some feedback.
    I just recently began talking to my 5 hour LD ex about 6 weeks ago. We are not bf and gf so I am still circular dating.
    We saw each other for the first time in 10 months 4 weeks ago. we are both mid 30’s, no kids, never married. while we were together 4 weeks ago we had the usual amazing time that we’ve always had.
    Here’s what’s weird: Every week it’s something different.
    Week 1: he’s texting and calling during the day for 2 days that week when I return the call in the evening because i’m at work he doesn’t answer. He called the the next morning apologizing both times that week he’d fallen asleep or was at the gym that night.

    Week 2: Texting and calling during the day for 3 days that week . Then texting at night.

    Week 3: calling, texting durng the day and night. If I was busy I wouldn’t answer still circular dating.
    He told me during the summer he would be visiting my hometown more, thinking about moving to my state. I mailed him an, I’m thinking of you card and signed my name no love you, just thinking of you bcuz I was.
    Week 4: he never responded to the card and I just heard from him today for the first time all week via text. Same bubbly chat he hasn’t acknowledged the card.
    Other than the card, I haven’t initiated any communication or date since we began talking, he has. When we are on the phone he’s talking about us going on trips and seeing each other more.
    He told me on day 1 that he wasnt seeing anyone and still loved me. I don’t know if he’s blowing hot and cold or playing games or trying to take it slow, holding back or what.
    My conversation is feeling messages but I haven’t addressed his weird/inconsistent behavior because I wasn’t sure if he was busy those weeks doing other things, etc. Im not comfortable getting into his business when I haven’t been around in 10 months.
    should I address it or just be patient and see what he does while I continue to CD. Any feedback is great. Thanks



  274.  #274Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    Memulo,

    269 – “He texted and called tonight out of the blue to say that he is coming to visit on Sunday. He said he can’t function without me…….”

    I feel like texting this to R.



  275.  #275R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    @274 hey B? That you



  276.  #276R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    I will be forever changed but am scared to death I will never be able to open up and love like that again….**tears**



  277.  #277Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    AmazingMe,

    275 – Yeah! Good to see you! I just felt a lil vulnerable with some things i was going thru with K, and I went under cover. But turns out he wasn’t invading here afterall.

    but I decided to keep my alias just to feel a lil more anonymous as a whole.



  278.  #278Tiffany on May 3, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    yes, I think I figured it out, too – Radlove, is that B? Aka Esteemed? Your voice sounds different, but I think it’s you…



  279.  #279Arrowofthyme on May 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    This blog is fast replacing my other online addictions – it may even be beating episodes of downton abbey. The support is just amazing here.



  280.  #280Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    Animal Planet just showed tortoises mating! Poor tortoises had their privacy compromised.



  281.  #281Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Arrow,

    279 – I feel the same way. I think this is an amazing place and a rich resource, not only of information, but of love and caring. I’ve been hanging out here for two years, and I only wish I had started 3 years ago, when I first became aware of its existence.

    I am feeling a need for a refresher course on Rori’s programs. I’m about to listen to them all again. I just drank them in the first time or two. But I find it’s such deep information capable of such deep transformation that it really does need to be assimilated over time, in baby steps.



  282.  #282R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    @277 that is understandable how are you how is life you ok?! I am glad you are still here!



  283.  #283Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Tiffany,

    278 – Yes B and yes Esteemed. Please excuse the confusion.



  284.  #284Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    AmazingMe,

    Thanks for asking! I’m all right. Just feeling kinda weirded out the last few days because R pulled away yet again, after I was feeling really close to him, texting late into the night virtually every night.

    I should have known something was off the way it was text only and not in person. The last time I saw him in person was just before Valentine’s Day.

    I am too in love with him to just be nonchalant.

    Now I’m watching little birds mate. I feel like a voyeur! LOL! I am quite fascinated with some of the newer nature shows like Frozen Planet. This one is Wild Russia.

    I am trying to get out of the habit of talking about issues all the time. But that doesn’t mean they are not there. They are just not my focus. I am trying to focus on becoming my best self and all the joy and beauty life has to offer.

    More than anything, I miss R.



  285.  #285Tiffany on May 3, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    I feel so tired. If I didn’t have laundry to do right now, I would go to sleep this minute…

    I guess my pms caught up with me. I though I was scot-free this month. I thought I ate enough red meat, took my EPO diligently, and I was feeling fine – right up until today. Maybe even yesterday. But today feels especially bad, for some reason. Quite the roller coaster. And things really p*ssing me off for no good reason. Or maybe for good reason. But just more than usual.

    I am also aware that PMS accounts for a great deal of “leaning forward” on my part. In all kinds of arenas. I get uncontrollable urges to “communicate” something. And by “uncontrollable” what I mean is that I can’t control the fact that I have an urge. I can only control (to some extent) what I do or not do to respond to it, through concerted, sustained effort. And it takes a lot of energy! often, when I get tired or drained, I can succumb to my urges. They’ll take over, kidnap my brain and fingertips, and tap out little messages to people that feel so authentic and real, but which I later regret.

    Maybe even my birthday message today.. Was it too rushed? To controlley? Too something? Maybe none of those things…

    I did also end up sending a text to MM. Never heard back. Don’t know what’s up, there. maybe nothing at well. It’s not important.

    I just always get stressed out about my birthday parties. I thought I was over it this year, but there it is. People cancelling at the last minute. All the “no” rsvps from people that I care about, with no explanation.

    I only got upset really at one person. But it was a big disappointment. Now I feel cut off, hurt, broken, rejected.

    Oy. Is that all it takes???

    I don’t know if it’s just that. But I do feel broken. I do feel lost. I do feel like I belong on the island of the Misfit Toys. : ( ( (

    I feel like I am so broken that nobody wants me. And I don’t even know what it is about me that doesn’t work properly. I just feel dysfunctional. Crying, sad, and alone. Unacceptable.

    And maybe this is the moment just before a big acceptance. Maybe this is how I feel right before someone accepts me for exactly the way I am.

    It just seems that, no matter how much I accept myself, no matter how much I approve of myself, esteem myself, and all of that, it’s never enough. No one ever accepts me, loves me, revels in my life the way that I do. Or maybe my eyes just aren’t open to what’s there. But I do feel alone. I do feel left. I do feel that nobody really wants me, and I am not even sure why…what did I ever do? All I ever did was do my best, and try my hardest to be the best person I could be. And even through all of that, no one sees me, no one gets me, and no one truly likes me.

    At least that is how I feel about it right now.

    I could feel differently tomorrow….



  286.  #286Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    AmazingMe,

    276 – “I will be forever changed but am scared to death I will never be able to open up and love like that again….**tears**”

    I feel sad reading that. I believe in the strength and resiliency of the human spirit, soul, and heart. You will love again, only more deeply, more trustingly.

    I am forever changed too, but I am determined to learn how to sing again in my heart.



  287.  #287Tiffany on May 3, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    P.S., I still like VM. Dammit! lol. I thought I was over him. Big, stupid Jerk, that he is. I like the stupid guy. I liked him and I didn’t get to FINISH liking him. And he’s stupid for walking out on me. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid stupid. But you can’t stop the man from being stupid, can you? If he’s going to be stupid, he’s going to be stupid, and he’s going to do it big.

    Okay, there it is, I’m done now. Moving on.

    Next!



  288.  #288Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    {{{Tiffany}}},

    285 – Happy Birthday! I feel sad reading your post, and I am sorry it felt sad and forlorn for you. I can relate to much of what you wrote.

    I choose to reject those thoughts in my strong moments as lies. Because what Dominique told me is that once we start on this journey of self awareness and inner healing, we can never go back. Even tho at moments we feel like we have regressed, it isn’t true. We have grown, and we continue to grow.

    Can you gently tell yourself, “Tiffany, you are beautiful!” We just have to reach deeper when we are the only ones to tell us what our golden hearts know is true.

    Hugs to you! B



  289.  #289R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    @285 hey Tiffany I am sorry you are feeling this way. I think my best advice is first you are never alone. Usually u can catch someone here to listen



  290.  #290Radlove on May 3, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Tiffany,

    287 – what do you like about VM? Is it ok to still like him?



  291.  #291R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    just had some wine lil bit not a lot to help me sleep.



  292.  #292R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    I really would like to know how I fell into all this like a poor little crying and a big monster stands in front of her with teddy Which is her heart and laughs as he shows everyone he is destroying it….wow…



  293.  #293Jenny on May 3, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    “I’m just a girl, I have a lot of feelings” – hmm I keep forgotting that one 😛



  294.  #294R.N.AmazingMe on May 3, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    It is amazing when one slumbers so does the rest of the US..Isn’;t it ironic? Don’t cha think?



  295.  #295Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    #167 Jilly

    Yes I think I would like a Rugby man for myself, does he have a dad you could ship over to me? 😀



  296.  #296Silver Moonbeam on May 3, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    #188/190 Dominique

    I have tears in my eyes reading this thank you so much, it’s like you have seen into my soul.

    I am SCARED as hell. Each time one of these CD’s get close enough after a few messages to start talking phone numbers I clam up and get SCARED and want to run away and hide in my safe cosy little bird cage and invariably this is what I do, it’s not I CAN’T get dates it’s that I am not ALLOWING it to happen……….

    WTF is wrong with me?



  297.  #297R.N.AmazingMe on May 4, 2012 at 12:06 am

    So I look down at my girls and just noticed wow they lookin nice, then my heart sunk of why they may look like that. This is awesome to go through alone I mean geez I did crawl on top of myself and fertilize the egg…really..



  298.  #298Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 12:07 am

    #261 VW

    I am always open to feedback ESPECIALLY now I am facing up to my demons.



  299.  #299Vi on May 4, 2012 at 12:10 am

    Today I got smiles and gazes and attention from several guys – all towheads. I felt flattered, and – good. And I remembered there was time I felt indifferent and never attracted to guys with fair hair. I thought that could be because I am blond…
    After I started to work on my feelings I noticed myself to be attracted to such guys…
    I just thought could it be because I have been rejecting myself and even didn’t appreciate my appearance and rejected similar features in others and preferred not to notice them?..
    So – i am going to experiment and notice and appreciate my boy energy and use it for dating myself… and experiment – will it have any effect on my perception of men?.. sounds fun.. let’s see..
    Today I let myself receive from my b-energy a new make up brush and waxing and a good walk and a cup of coffee and lots of drinking water and compliments. And reminded me to leaned back and drop all my thoughts when my husband came home..
    I feel it’s important for me to encourage my boy to take care of me…. sometimes I find myself focusing helplessly on frustrating things rather than taking action and CDing and pleasing myself and DOING smth. that feels good just for myself… It feels usually so difficult to start and even scary.. I feel sure it will change one day..
    Love to you beautiful sirens. Love to (((me)))



  300.  #300Vi on May 4, 2012 at 12:21 am

    Actually the blog is the only place where I feel comfortable to express my love for myself (as yet) and not feel fear about being rejected or judged for that… feels weird.
    I feel short of breath.. feel invisible… feel scared of punishment.. how dare I..
    it’s okay ..Love to my breath.. Love to the air.. Love to my invisibility…
    Good-feeling, fluffy love to me and my breath and air and my invisibility and all my feelings.. I honor you all.. thank you … I love you. I hear you… It will be okay.. I am taking care of you feelings. I am taking care of me.



  301.  #301Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 2:21 am

    Good morning Chickies…..

    quiet morning here on the blog and here at home..sun isn’t even up yet… but the frogs are peeping and the birds starting to sing……at 5:20am life is still……

    xo
    Aurora



  302.  #302Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 2:25 am

    sitting with my morning coffee waiting for the sun….it’s like waiting for someone special to arrive…and knowing it will happen…wondering how it will happen ….through cloud? through this mist of rain that’s falling…..the sun will rise…..and will I remember that despite not being able to see it immediately….

    Going into the 9 month mark with my sweety….wondering how things will evolve……watching how when I think too far ahead I get anxious and trying to keep my feet in the here and now…..

    ..more like hear and know……lol

    feeling whimsical this morning…..~~~***~~~ good vibes to sirens all over the world…….

    xo
    Aurora



  303.  #303Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 2:38 am

    trying to keep my feet on the ground……

    had an aha moment last night…..

    sweety was talking about his work and how he might like to relocate if the offer showed up….somewhere closer to me…(right now there is nothing in his line of work where I live) but also began to speculate about going somewhere exotic for a month to work if the chance came up for good money…..but then he noted that would be hard on us…..but also a chance to make some good money…..if it was worth it….etc..

    I felt strong in the conversation…though my anxiety wanted to have a field day,…..I just said….yes…that distance would be difficult for a month or two….and that I might be ok with it if it was time limited but not open ended. But I was able to tell him that he needed to be responsible about his decisions about work (ie I wasn’t going to tell him what to do) and that I would then consider what my options or decision would be…..and that it was good to keep that type of dialogue open but it was all speculation…..

    but I could still feel my anxiousness well up…

    and then I realized…

    Man! Men do a lot of thinking out loud sometimes…..so do women I suppose…but its’ all it was was thinking out loud….no real plans or offers are even on the table……but he is trying to reconcile the distance now as we get closer…..he’s starting to feel it….trying to problem solve it…..

    the aha was that I didn’t want to get pulled into being anxious over his thinking out loud…I chose not to consciously……

    I just need to let him have the space to do it and then let it go…..that I could be feminine in just letting him ramble and dream…..and not get caught up in it..I felt secure in myself…..I knew I’d be ok with or without him, though I would like to see “with him”

    it was like an “aha” moment…

    I love those! lol

    Aurora



  304.  #304Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 2:58 am

    Interesting concept, life is still.



  305.  #305Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 3:03 am

    304 FW

    lol yes! well….that’s the illusion anyway…..that when all is quiet………..life is still

    and we might get fooled into thinking nothing’s happening…..

    and I kinda like those quiet moments…..

    but really tons is happening in the quiet…..!

    I just like how mother nature and the universe don’t need a lot of noise sometimes

    🙂

    Aurora



  306.  #306Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 3:23 am

    I wonder sometimes if I get anxious and nervous about the quiet so I get the feeling of urgency?



  307.  #307Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 3:26 am

    Then I can’t just be. I have to do something. I have to create chaos to feel the excitem$ent of life. Do I have a belief that life shouldn’t be quiet?



  308.  #308Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 3:29 am

    lol wow it takes a lot of courage to process that FW! At least I feel that way….

    you know relationships can be that way too…if they feel too quiet or routine…we drum up drama to make them come alive again……lol if it ain’t moving it must be dead….lol…….

    I’m trying to stop and listen more…..and open the scope of what I take in……wonder more…..it sure helps with anxiety to wonder instead of worry…..



  309.  #309GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 3:31 am

    @260 Thanks, Starla!



  310.  #310Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 3:32 am

    same with time passing….if it takes too long (in our estimation) we get panicky….

    I’m trying to befriend time too….trust that time is also part of the quiet……that things are indeed happening under the radar……spring is easier to do that……so much germination takes place under ground beyond what I can see……



  311.  #311Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 3:36 am

    Aurora. I have been told I am a thinker. I have been called a worry wart. I have been told I worry too much. These things I am trying to change in myself through trust.



  312.  #312Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 3:50 am

    Yes I see the thinker in you too……in your posts anyway……a very well developed side in you….that’s awesome….

    I think we often come to a place where we start to look at those sides of us that have been waiting to grow….the feeling side wants to grow……that part of the radar that’s just been switched to off or “low” for years……when we give it some space to grow and be a part of our lives it just does!!!! it can be scary….but I too want to trust that it’s all good and will only enhance my life…..bring colour to it…….help me move through life even more ‘well informed ….lol….because now all systems are go…..

    xo



  313.  #313lk on May 4, 2012 at 3:56 am

    good morning : ) i’m liking feeling company now as i’m watching the bottom of the black turn brick-red & seep up yellow green like a bruise. ahhh a little Pain this morning & …….. some Terror….. but a lot of Beauty & Power too….



  314.  #314Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 3:59 am

    My feeling side has been suppressed for so long because of fear of rejection and being misunderstood. That allowed the warrior to be fully grown. Strong enough to fight and protect so there was no need to open up and invite anyone to understand. No need to trust. I am safely hidden in my sanctuary.



  315.  #315Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 4:06 am

    FW maybe then the warrior isn’t fully grown…..without our feeling side we are only half way there….thinking only carries us so far……and can often distort things……..maybe the biggest courage of all comes from venturing into that feeling territory…..and befriending it once and for all. …realizing feeling is a twin flame to thinking and just as vital to a warrior…..strong clear mind but full open heart…….



  316.  #316Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 4:07 am

    lk

    siren…..what are you speaking of…….?
    xo
    Aurora



  317.  #317lk on May 4, 2012 at 4:16 am

    aurora,

    the sunrise

    ….



  318.  #318Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 4:20 am

    #314 FW

    These could be my words.

    {{{{{ HUGS FW and SMB }}}}}



  319.  #319Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 4:21 am

    lk

    Are you OK?



  320.  #320lk on May 4, 2012 at 4:21 am

    gosh i feel alone. interested in My Life. scared & sensitive – tender – feeling exposed…. hmm & also very ….. Prove It sassy girl. like… today is not the day to cross me…. but, i won’t “hurt you” – it’s just not possible.



  321.  #321Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 4:23 am

    Morning Aurora, I love the stillness of the early morning too, it’s my favourite time of the day when the whole world is asleep and I am awake waiting for the sunrise (unless it’s raining lol).



  322.  #322Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 4:25 am

    SMB

    Chickie!!!!!!!

    🙂



  323.  #323Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 4:28 am

    #322 Aurora

    Good to see you and sweety are still getting along swimmingly. 😀



  324.  #324lk on May 4, 2012 at 4:29 am

    thank you, silver moonbeam – i am ok.



  325.  #325LoveAlways on May 4, 2012 at 4:47 am

    Good morning Sirens!

    TGIF!!!

    Hi there Silver Moonbeam!



  326.  #326Aurora Girl on May 4, 2012 at 4:49 am

    323 SMB

    oh major growing pains….bumps and hiccups for me no doubt…..always battling the nvs……but really really trying to stay clear minded and open hearted……he seems to be a good guy and I am having new experiences with him….he doesn’t get caught up in blame….he owns his own stuff….he lets me have my feelings and respects them….he’s not manipulative…..he’s reliable……he makes me feel like a princess/goddess/diva……he respects my children and they really like him and have connected and his family treats me well…..and 90% of the time I feel good with him….the other 10% is my anxiety and the bumps….

    …..I just keep moving….forward hopefully 🙂

    and dear Chickie how have you been?
    xo



  327.  #327Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 5:02 am

    Good morning girls,

    Sorry it was very late last night when I got home and posted my news and I was afraid to wake up my parents. Thank you for your comments! I feel excited and relieved and trusting again and I can’t wait till Sunday 😉

    Needless to say that the first text I got last night was ‘Tonight?’ and of course I thought he meant it for someone else because it sounded like part of some other conversation LOL.. since Monday morning!!! I didn’t know what to say and then he called and said: ‘Sunday to Tuesday I am planning. My brother has a big party on Monday for work but he will have another one, so I am skipping it. What were you thinking to go to exile for a month??’ And then everything fell in its place 😉

    I have to thank Jilly, so lucky to read her post yesterday that she DID NOT say it’s ok for her guy to spend time with his friends, but instead accepted his invite to stay with her. I did not say: oh no worries, you better attend your brother’s event. I let him decide!!



  328.  #328Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Radlove,

    You felt like texting R that you miss him? I missed my guy too and bored everyone to death on the blog, but so glad I did not text him this. It felt amazing to be taken by surprise!!



  329.  #329Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 5:08 am

    And I want to say a special thank you to lk, I kept on saying to myself her words: ‘to trust the good man I am dating’. It may not have appeared as if I did lol, but believe me it would have been much worse without them!



  330.  #330Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 5:17 am

    #326 Aurora

    Oh just hanging in there and trying to deal with my demons as per last night and Dominique’s reply to me, having a few aha moments along the way. I have stated on here that no man is stepping up for dates but that’s not true because the one’s who are stepping up (of course I am not wildly attracted to them) I am running away and hiding back in my bird cage and snuggling down in my little nest because it is safe and warm and cosy and nobody can hurt me, Daria says I have to stand on the little door and get outside, not fly, but make little bird steps but I am soooo DAMNED SCARED!!!



  331.  #331Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Angela #273,

    My guy wouldn’t respond to a card. He doesn’t even respond to emails with no questions 😉 He still wants to be with me, it means nothing. People communicate very differently. He may even say like a month later – that your email with such and such info was really cool. He doesn’t acknowledge all my communications to me, but he processes them seriously.



  332.  #332Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 5:19 am

    Daria wrote this to me last night, I keep thinking about it………….

    “Silver moonbeam – wow! Cool! That feels conforting.,. It reminds me of modern siren where Rori talks about The cage and how it’s comfy and way less scary than the world out there and it feels good to have it as a spot to hide.

    As a bird in the cage… We just kinda open the door… The crawl out and stand on top of it… Before flying – teleport – to a meadow

    Just flying right out might feel too scary



  333.  #333Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 5:22 am

    And you know everybody sees me as this strong, capable take charge kind of person which I can be in a work situation or dealing with life in general, but inside I am like a bowl of jelly when it comes to men.

    I am OK if I don’t find them attractive, you know like male colleagues or in general passing by, but if they are wanting to date me, I get scared and shut right down and scurry back to my little safe life.



  334.  #334GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 5:23 am

    lamabutterfly

    Was last night the event? How did things go?



  335.  #335Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 5:26 am

    And I had one email me this morning, very good looking decent type, but he said he was privately educated and was into fine arts, so I wrote back and told him I thought he was too posh for me!

    Because you know I am just from a humble working class background, I think your equivalent would be he is Ivy League class and I am blue collar………..dammit he had a house in London and a country cottage too, why wasn’t I born with a silver spoon in my mouth. 😉

    How could I be with a man like that, watching my p’s and q’s – I would have to pretend to be something I’m not and if I am one thing it is that I am real, I can’t be fake.



  336.  #336GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Aurora & FW

    Great conversation going on. I can totally relate to 314. I am strong and will not let my feelings break me. I’m trying to not think and overanalyze so much and allow myself to feel. It’s not easy after hiding it for so many years.



  337.  #337GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Memulo

    Yay! I feel so happy for you. I’m glad he is coming for a visit. You must feel so relieved.



  338.  #338GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Any more advice on 250? I’m going to respond shortly.

    Here it is:

    I emailed Mr. Observant asking him what beer he drinks so I can plan accordingly for my party. I know this is probably overfunctioning, but I like to be a good host and have what my guests enjoy (it’s not just him I do this for).

    Anyways, he responded about the beer and then asked, “How are you doing?”

    I replied, “I’m doing good. I’m feeling a little stressed over my final drawing for school, but that will be over come Monday. Thanks for asking.

    How about you?”

    He replied, “I would like to see your final drawing. I am sure you will get a good grade. You are going to do very well for yourself.”

    If you notice, he didn’t answer how he was.

    I want to reply something like, “You’re sweet. Thanks for the vote of confidence, it feels nice. Yes, you can see my final drawing. You didn’t say how you are, so how are you?”

    What do you think? Is that too pushy asking again? Should I just leave it be?



  339.  #339Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Giving Girl,

    Absolutely, I would not reply!! and let him have the last word.. and build some mystery 😉



  340.  #340GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Memulo

    I would feel rude not replying to let him know I appreciate his nice reply. Hmmm.



  341.  #341April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Silver Moonbeam, sweetheart,

    Calm down, lovely. It’s okay. You have power, you just may not know it. Going out with a man doesn’t obligate you to spend the rest of your life with him!

    Tell yourself it’s a bit of fun, and of no consequence. I hope the ‘posh’ man laughs at your reply and continues to ask you out. You have nothing to lose. If he is too posh for you then you can be yourself. See the man, the human being, beyond his life circumstance and personal history.

    Every person on the planet is struggling with acceptance and rejection.
    Hold yourself and him under the umbrella of compassion!

    Dates are about having fun. For you! Yes, YOU!!!
    A man buzzes off a woman having fun in his company.

    Really, you have nothing to lose.



  342.  #342LiliBee on May 4, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Goodmorning sirens!

    I feel rushed this morning. Big day ahead.

    But I wanted to take a few minutes to spread the good vibes 🙂

    D has always been a “Yes” man. He had that disease to please, especially with his friends. The gf would always be the last on the list of Yeses…

    HE SAID A FIRM “NO” TO HIS VEEERRRY GOOD PAL’S INVITATION TO AN ALL-WEEKEND OUT-OF-TOWN HOCKEY TOURNAMENT !!! HIS LIFE PASSION !!! 😀

    He was going to bring his dad to give him a good time and have some father-son bonding time.
    He had asked me a week ago if it bothered me if he went.
    I said I would feel so happy for him having that experience with his dad, and that I don’t want to be the controlling woman telling her man what to do bc it feels awful and tense.
    Then I started sharing about the cool stuff I could do on my own for that weekend, and he didn’t like it.

    So instead of being angry, resentful at what HE was doing without me, I shifted the focus on ME and what makes me feel good.

    And another issue: He apologized for having to work so much and being tired. He said he needed to work alot bc he needed the money for our upcoming trip.
    I said “wow, I’m going to feel sad not having you around with the work and the tournament. You’re spending habits are your business, but I don’t feel happy feeling neglected and alone in an imaginary relationship.”

    I let everything go and did not ask anything about his work or his tournament all week.
    Then he says to me yesterday “my friend called to confirm for the tournament, and I said no I’m not going 🙁

    I couldn’t believe my ears, I was stunned. I didn’t say anything in disbelief.
    I still proceeded with my plans to go to the movies with my gf.
    I’ve been feeling an overwhelming ‘aliveness’ 🙂 and it radiates through my entire body and face. I even feel it in my voice.

    Wow! I feel so alert and energized! It feels OUT OF THIS WORLD AWESOME !!!

    ….and I’m sinking into that feeling too lol 🙂



  343.  #343April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Giving girl,

    Yep, leave it be. You have already displayed plenty of warmth and girl softness. He’s interested.
    Leave him some room now…



  344.  #344GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 6:19 am

    @341 April Rose

    I love your comment. So uplifting!



  345.  #345LiliBee on May 4, 2012 at 6:23 am

    WOW!!! I still can’t believe he turned down a friend and his life passion…to cut down on spending for our trip and to be more available FOR ME !!!

    Dang I desserve it !!!

    I still feel that little “unworthiness” in the background feeding the little NV saying “you’re fooling yourself, it won’t last”.

    Well, guess what? The feeling is in the ‘background’ now, no longer center stage.
    The NV is faint and sounds like it’s coming from far, no longer on the loud speaker ‘in my face’.



  346.  #346Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 6:23 am

    Giving Girl,

    How about this: “Thanks for the vote of confidence, it feels nice.”



  347.  #347GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 6:23 am

    @343 April Rose

    Thank you. Yay, I feel happy by you saying “You have already displayed plenty of warmth and girl softness.” I’m trying really hard and it feels nice you can recognize this.



  348.  #348LiliBee on May 4, 2012 at 6:24 am

    I love me and so I want to give me the best life has to offer!



  349.  #349Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 6:24 am

    The main point is that I would not ask how he is doing;) No questions! Plus he already did not answer it once 😉



  350.  #350GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 6:26 am

    @345 Lilibee

    You do deserve it!! 🙂



  351.  #351April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Lilibee,

    Dang! You deserve it.

    I see you giving your man a lot of space, purposefully.
    He must feel so emotionally safe in that.



  352.  #352Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Giving Girl

    I feel that you displayed A LOT of warmth already, 100% agree with April Rose. Plus I just don’t like to be the last one to text and try to avoid it . Like FW told me once: a man wants to give.. let him 😉



  353.  #353Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 6:34 am

    #341 April Rose

    Thank you. 🙂

    I know I just don’t “get” it like some of you Sirens, I never has, I wonder why some have no troubles and lots of us struggle?



  354.  #354Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 6:36 am

    He asked yesterday if he will be staying in a hotel and I thought he was a bit surprised when I said yes.. I offered to help with the hotel and he asked what kind of help? I said booking it. He said it would be very helpful. So I booked it this morning and just texted him: ‘Our hotel is booked;)’

    I know it’s against the rules but I want to pay for the hotel. I feel that he is my guest and he is paying for the flight and I am sure we will go out.. not planning to pay for any of this. I am feeling more ‘independent’ this way.



  355.  #355Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 6:36 am

    never *have*



  356.  #356Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 6:38 am

    I don’t see dates as being fun, I see them as being scary, WTH is this coming from?



  357.  #357GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 6:38 am

    @Memulo

    Questions are masculine?

    Can I whine right now and just say, “But, I want to know!!” LOL



  358.  #358April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Zara 265,

    Hi Zara! I’ve been missing you.

    Yes, my man is still married. He has to wait another year and a half for a simple divorce (based on a 5-year seperation). He says if he tries sooner, his wife’s agreement will be required and she will refuse to cooperate.



  359.  #359Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 6:40 am

    LiliBee

    I am so happy everything is going so well for you and D.

    Is that a recent pic you have on your FB profile? You look sooo happy and GLOWY!!



  360.  #360GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 6:40 am

    @352 Memulo

    Thank you 🙂

    Maybe I feel rude for not responding because I have a hard time just receiving? Hmmm.



  361.  #361Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 6:41 am

    Memulo

    I am so happy your man is stepping up too, when does he arrive?



  362.  #362R.N.AmazingMe on May 4, 2012 at 6:43 am

    So tell me why would one fight for a divorce like that? Is it money, greed, love? Wow that is interesting



  363.  #363Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 6:44 am

    April Rose, I find divorce laws here in the UK antiquated and ridiculous!! My friend is with a man now who is still “married” and it’s just crazy!!

    My divorce in Oz was granted on the grounds of irretrievable break down of the marriage, you just have to have been living a year apart and you are granted the decree nisi then after 1 month and 1 day you get the decree absolute.

    I don’t know why it’s so difficult here……..



  364.  #364April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I have some questions for you.

    *What do you imagine is the purpose of a date?
    *Have you ever had a bad experience on a date?
    *Is there something about the word ‘date’ which feels scarey?
    *How much time do you spend in the company of men who are not family members?
    *What is your favourite fun activity?

    Sorry about the quizzing, but I’d love to know the answers if you are willing.



  365.  #365GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 6:45 am

    @ Silver Moonbeam

    I don’t get it yet either. You’re not alone. 😉



  366.  #366R.N.AmazingMe on May 4, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Forgive me….Good Morning Sirens 🙂



  367.  #367Radlove on May 4, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Memulo,

    328 – “You felt like texting R that you miss him? I missed my guy too and bored everyone to death on the blog, but so glad I did not text him this. It felt amazing to be taken by surprise!!”

    Yay! I feel happy for you!



  368.  #368Radlove on May 4, 2012 at 6:49 am

    Good morning, AmazingMe!



  369.  #369Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Giving Girl,

    He is probably ok if he is finding time to write to you;) Otherwise questions are leads, attempts to keep the conversation going and getting into his business.. and you don’t want to do any of that 😉



  370.  #370April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    “I don’t see dates as being fun, I see them as being scary, WTH is this coming from?”

    More and more I am finding from my experience that feeling scared happens when I am in masculine energy.

    The antidote to fear is ‘strong surrender’, softening and opening.



  371.  #371Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 6:57 am

    SM,

    Thank you so much, I feel so warm to hear you are happy for me 😉 We are planning for Sunday.



  372.  #372Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Thank you Radlove 😉



  373.  #373LiliBee on May 4, 2012 at 7:03 am

    359:

    Hi SMB! 🙂

    That pic is from last early December.

    You I read your comments about you not ‘getting’ it…

    I finally starting shifting and ‘getting’ it when I did tapping with Margaret Lynch on Youtube a few times.
    I felt so skeptical and judgemental about it.
    But heck, I was so tired of feeling blah and stuck, I had nothing to lose so I tried it.
    I did the tapping specifically on “resistence”.
    Doesn’t matter if she’s talking about money or success in work, it’s all about resistance.

    Immediately after, I listened to Abraham Hicks videos on Youtube on resistance.

    Within a week or 2 I felt my ‘resistence’ melt away.
    I felt myself absorb all lessons more easily.
    I also felt is was easier to feel my feelings and it all started to flow through me instead of staying stuck like it used to.

    That was the turning point for me.

    Give it a whirl, you never know.



  374.  #374GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 7:09 am

    @369 Memulo

    Right. I feel I’m sharing about me, but he’s not sharing about him and I also want to know about him.



  375.  #375Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Yayy LiliBee that sounds awesome.



  376.  #376April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Hiding a feeling of terror versus admitting it:

    One night, at an open mic music night that WM and I were running, EM arrived with his guitar. He sat down, looking agitated. He started looking right at me, giving me the full blast of his ‘dangerous eyes’.

    Then he began quietly threatening to make a scene in front of WM, stating that he was going to take me home that night.

    Each time I looked at him, he made a signal that made me feel more and more sick and scared.

    Eventually he took me aside and I couldn’t bear it anymore. I said “I feel sick. I feel terrified”.
    I had never admitted such a thing to a man (I judged such feelings as weak and I ket quiet).
    He was instantly engaged. I felt a connection was made. I felt a relief in him. It was as if he needed to be matched with emotion. I was then able to talk to him in a way I never had before, from my feelings and deeper darker parts of myself. He responded from a depth of himself.

    My trying to keep it together had only made him apply more pressure.

    I am convinced that a man needs a woman to be in her feelings. It nourishes him somewhere deep down in himself.



  377.  #377GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 7:17 am

    @376 April Rose

    Thanks for sharing. I enjoy reading others stories and perceptions. It feels helpful in broadening things “outside of my own head.”



  378.  #378Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 7:21 am

    #364 April Rose

    OK I am up for it, I have to START somewhere!!

    *What do you imagine is the purpose of a date?

    Well according to RR & Byron Katie, it is all about me, me, me, and how it makes ME feel, not about how it makes THEM feel, I understand this intellectually.

    *Have you ever had a bad experience on a date?

    I haven’t had that many since my divorce in all honesty, mostly off dating sites to men I am not remotely attracted to when I meet them in real life, probably not even attracted much by their profile but I go along with it HOPING. Actually I am not really attracted to that many men in real life either. (Wow!)

    *Is there something about the word ‘date’ which feels scarey?

    Yes that I have to perform and not be myself.

    *How much time do you spend in the company of men who are not family members?

    As friends? None. In my working life only men in their 70’s and 80’s and you know this is one of my fears at the age of 58 I don’t want to end up as some man’s nursemaid, this is probably why I am attracted to younger men, though I never used to be.

    *What is your favourite fun activity?

    Sight seeing in this country.



  379.  #379T-Girl on May 4, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I just read this article about the fear of dating and I’m going to post it below. I like how she talks about the fear is coming from feeling out of control. She then talks about that you can control the process (stuff that has to do with you), but not the person. Hope this helps in some way:

    How To Turn Your Fear of Dating Into A Fun Date
    by Bobbi Palmer
    When you think of a date – especially online dating – do you feel any fear? Do you get even a tiny twinge of terror?
    If your answer is “yes,” you are not alone. In fact, I think you’re among the majority.
    The women I’m coaching often tell me about situations they describe as “scary.” Here are some examples:
    * He wants to meet in person after just one email.
    * He asked her where she lived.
    * He’s beginning to get touchier and seems to want sex; she likes him but is not ready.
    * He texted her with a question loaded with sexual innuendo.
    I get it. When I was dating, some of this scared me, too. I remember thinking “Crap! What do I do?” and feeling super uncomfortable.
    Now, as an amazingly happily married woman, I can look back and see that I actually felt fear. Real, physical fear. And now I know why:
    Because I Felt Out Of Control On The Date
    In these situations I felt like I was not in charge. I felt somewhat powerless. That was definitely not a place where I was at all happy.
    So I learned to take control of the process. That’s what I teach my clients, and I recommend you do that as well.
    Note what I said: Take control of the process. I didn’t say the people or the relationships. You have no control over what other people do, but you have 100% control over what you do, right?
    Here Are A Few Ways To Get That Control On A Date:
    * Know and honor yourself.
    * Be clear about what you want in a man and a relationship, and do not compromise on your must-haves.
    * Visualize and/or plan how you would like to meet, date and relate with men.
    * Establish your boundaries and stick to them.
    * Learn how to communicate your boundaries and essential needs.
    * Be ready to leave if, after clear and kind communication, he does not agree to meet your needs.
    * Respect the men you meet and treat them kindly – and expect the same in return.
    If these are not in your current dating repertoire, I encourage you to commit to doing what it takes to get there. You will most likely need to do some honest self-reflection and make a renewed commitment to learning and growing.
    The payoff is gigantic. You will become more open to meeting men, feel more relaxed when you are with them, and make much better choices in the men you choose to spend time with. Men – at least the good guys – will respect you for knowing what you want and taking care of yourself.
    That’s all good stuff, but here is the most important part: You will feel an incredible love and respect for yourself.
    This is about taking care of yourself and realizing you can date the way you want to date. Again, you can’t (and don’t want to) control other people, but you can absolutely control the most significant elements of your experience.
    You are a smart, in control, magnificent woman. You don’t have to be afraid.



  380.  #380Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 7:23 am

    #373 LiliBee

    Thank you I often hear you and Daria talk about Margaret Lynch, I will give it a go, I did do a one day course quite a few years ago on EFT and had all the stuff printed out but like most things I let them slip away, I have a short attention span seemingly.



  381.  #381Angela on May 4, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Hi
    #273 Memulo,

    Thank you for your comment. You’re so right my guy does seriously process everything so you make a lot of sense. I’m so used to how we used to be b4 I broke up with him; responding to anything I did I’m not used to him not responding to me. I miss what we had even though I know what I did wrong in our past relationship.
    Its crazy because once I saw what I had written last night on the blog and pressed the submit comment button. I realized that I’m just overthnking his actions and to just relax and CD and let him row the boat.



  382.  #382Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 7:25 am

    BRB



  383.  #383Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Giving Girl #374,

    But that is exactly what he should be doing.. a good guy who is really interested will make it ALL about you. See, even he is trying to put the focus on you 😉 All you have to do is not to resist lol



  384.  #384Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 7:35 am

    OMG my English is really confusing.. To my text ‘our hotel is booked;)’ he responded an hour later saying he first read it as if the hotel was sold out. Only later he understood.

    I was trying not to sound ‘too masculine’ in saying: I booked the hotel hence my text lol



  385.  #385GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 7:37 am

    @379 T-Girl

    Thanks for sharing.

    I agree with the whole lack of control concept. That’s a biggie for me. I like to be in the know too. I feel uncomfortable with uncertainty and lack of control. I guess that’s probably why I was never interested in drugs or excessive drinking because that would cause me to lose control. I always like to drive myself places, as opposed to riding with others, so I have my own way of exiting if I feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel I try to control others, though, I like to control myself. I’m very deliberate and think everything through to the point of exhaustion.



  386.  #386April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Love Always 247,

    Thank you so much. Such beautiful feeling messages. I will include them in my letter. So lovely of you. Thanks.



  387.  #387GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 7:43 am

    @383 Memulo

    “But that is exactly what he should be doing.. a good guy who is really interested will make it ALL about you. See, even he is trying to put the focus on you 😉 All you have to do is not to resist lol”

    Haha…ok, light bulb moment. So, he’s supposed to do that? I’ve never experienced this before, a guy making things all about me. Hmmm. I feel uncomfortable being all about me. I feel uncomfortable being in the spot light. I don’t know how to go with it and not resist. How am I supposed to learn about him and have him share himself with me, if it’s supposed to be all about me?

    Wow, I don’t know what to do with this.



  388.  #388GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 7:45 am

    @384 Memulo

    I understood what you meant. I think he just read it wrong. If the hotel was sold out, you wouldn’t have put a 😉



  389.  #389GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 7:47 am

    No one has ever made anything ALL about me. I don’t know how to deal with someone making it ALL about me. I feel guilty and a need to deflect.



  390.  #390Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Giving Girl,

    I think we are all here learning to receive. I sure am!

    How will you learn about him – don’t you feel that you are learning by the way he treats you? Does it make you feel good, cared for, adored? Sure you can ask questions about him if you feel curious, but does it have to be this moment? When you are busy receiving lol



  391.  #391T-Girl on May 4, 2012 at 7:52 am

    387 Giving Girl,

    I can totally relate with you on this one. I had never had a guy make it all about me until J. But I think that is because I was constantly in my boy energy and with J I finally let my girl out. It was very uncomfortable for me but I feel so different and so much better now that she is out.

    Let your girl out 🙂 You can still learn about him by listening at level 2.



  392.  #392Memulo on May 4, 2012 at 7:55 am

    #388 Thank you 😉



  393.  #393April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Question 1. What is the Purpose of a date?

    Let’s investigate!! Let’s create.
    What if you could MAKE IT UP! Yes. Create this purpose for yourself.

    Here are a few things I’ll throw in (to get to the root of your judgements/beliefs that may be blocking you) and to get your juices rolling;

    to have fun (too vague)
    to do an audition for a man to see if he likes me (hmmm, not very Rori)
    to audition a man to see if I like him (who do I think I am?)
    to practice smiling at another human, who happens to be a male human (fine, for a five-second date)
    to practice letting go of control (aaagh, put me back in my cage NOW)
    to do a survey of the quality of coffee and chocolate cake in all the cafes in my area (that’s more like it)
    to have free counselling and unburden my fears to a stranger who I may never see again (Hmmm….)
    to unburden myself to someone I may like to see again (whoaa…..steady…)
    to step into the unknown (WHAT!!!!)
    to do it for the hell of it (Yeehah!)
    to do it cos if I don’t I’ll always wonder if I missed out…
    to do it because I have a genuine interest in getting to know another person (Aaagh… Other people have ISSUES!!!!!)
    to be able to tell funny/embarassing/painful/hopeful stories on the blog (yeah, my sisters would be entertained, and they’re rooting for me I can feel it)



  394.  #394Stunning Love on May 4, 2012 at 8:05 am

    My most recent situation has been extremely upsetting to me. My ex and i work at the same facility. I have (with help) determined that he wants to keep me in the friend zone. The other day he brought it to my attention he is seeing a new woman who also works at our facility. I wasn’t very understanding. I told him I thought it was very selfish and am angry it is going to be thrown in my face.
    Now I see them together all the time going on break when having lunch… All of the things he and i did for a year and a half.



  395.  #395Stunning Love on May 4, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Now I’m stuck figuring out how to deal with this situation. Any suggestions?



  396.  #396GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 8:07 am

    @390 Memulo

    Yes, I am learning about him through observation. I would feel happy if he would tell me things too. For example, at that party, he asked me what I like to do for fun. So, I said some things and then (the only question I asked him the whole evening) I asked, how about you? He brought it back to the things I said I liked to do for fun and said, yea, that is fun, or I would like that, to everything. He didn’t give his own.

    Yes, I do feel good about it. I feel he is interested, he’s being supportive and positive. I find myself thinking, “who is this guy?” In a good way!



  397.  #397GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 8:08 am

    @391 T-Girl

    How did you let your girl out? I feel I need help.



  398.  #398siren song on May 4, 2012 at 8:10 am

    lilibee,

    that’s awesome!!!

    how long did you lean back with him before things got good? a month? i’m trying to remember…



  399.  #399T-Girl on May 4, 2012 at 8:16 am

    397 Giving Girl, I let her out by basically following Rori’s tools. Unzip your heart, lean back, let the waterwheel come towards you. Use feeling messages (which I admit are still hard for me). Let him give to you and be open to receive and when you do receive be appreciative. I also started wearing more dresses and taking care of myself and not feeling guilty about spending money on pedicures and massages because I am worth it.

    Do you have Rori’s E-book?



  400.  #400Tiffany on May 4, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Whooooo. THank you. Thank you, period, for arriving – FINALLY! lol

    I guess that’s why I was so cranked out yesterday. I always feel the most anxiety right before it starts, and then when it gets here – the moment it starts – it’s like Whooosh! It all goes out of me. I feel relaxed again. I feel I can concentrate on my body.

    And this time, I took a couple of Advil, and that really helped with the cramps. Maybe I thought it was “wussy” to take medicine the last couple of months, but ya know what? It’s a small little thing, and it stops me from writhing in agonizing pain. Is that such a bad thing?? lol

    I started wondering if I would actually ever want an epidural during labor, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I want to at least try natural childbirth, and if something goes wrong, or it’s not the way I planned, then I guess I’ll be open to a different possibility…

    Anyway, I had a sweet conversation with a man yesterday about kids and how much I really want them. And it felt good to speak my truth. He’s a good listener. And he said that he doesn’t especially want kids, but that he could adjust that if he was with someone to whom that was really important. I didn’t necessarily think “Oh, that’s me.” I don’t know that that guy is my perfect partner. Although, we are doing a professional trade, and while giving him a massage, I nicknamed him “Mr. Perfect” in my mind, because his body reminded me of the “Mr. Perfect” that we had on our wall in the massage school to show the different muscles. Teehee! (I didn’t tell him about his nickname ; )

    And then a friend’s ex, who I met at her birthday party, has started writing me long emails on Facebook. I barely know him. But he saw me holding their friend’s baby at the party. That was one really cute baby! She was drooling all over my knee. Lol.

    Anyway, I feel soooo much better. The guy who bailed on my birthday party responded to my message that maybe we could talk on the phone instead. I feel forgiving and generous. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad for not coming. That isn’t very nice, and I wouldn’t want that from someone else – especially since I have in no way made it to all of my friend’s birthday parties in the past year or so. So I’ll take what I can get, in terms of people showing up.

    And I’ll get to meet some people for dancing tonight, and it will be SO much fun. And then tomorrow, delicious food for dinner, and I’ll be wearing my tiara, and I will not care or think about anything bad, or anything that I don’t have – because I will be filled with what I DO have. And it will be so great.



  401.  #401GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 8:28 am

    @393 April Rose

    Some of those made me laugh. My purpose of a date is to get to know him, see how I feel around him and to have fun.

    I had a couple dates with this one man when I was in college and every time we went out, I couldn’t eat. I felt like I was going to vomit on my food. He probably thought I had a eating disorder, but I saw that as a bad sign. I need to be able to eat in front of him!! 🙂



  402.  #402Tiffany on May 4, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Yeah, and by “it” I meant the emotional stress – not the other stuff. Although that comes out of me, too. But it takes a bit longer ; ) Heck, whatever. I guess they kind of go together….haha



  403.  #403Starla on May 4, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Angela, I feel curious how you guys got back in touch after you broke up?



  404.  #404GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 8:33 am

    @Stunning Love

    I feel bad you have to deal with this at work. I know it is difficult. I also dated a guy a worked with and it was hard after we broke up. I didn’t have to deal with a new girl at work too though.

    Just do your best to keep away from them. If need be change up your routine so you don’t see them leaving for breaks…maybe that could be your bathroom break.



  405.  #405GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 8:36 am

    @399 T-Girl

    Thank you. Yes, I have Rori’s ebook. I’ve read it once, but I need to read it again. I’ve also bought a couple of skirts to feel more feminine. I tend to give myself pedicures because of cost, but was thinking of getting one since they seem to last much longer than mine. I’ve never had a massage.

    After reading what you wrote, I feel I should at least say thank you to his positive, supportive email.



  406.  #406T-Girl on May 4, 2012 at 8:40 am

    405 Giving Girl,

    I’m sorry that I haven’t read your situation and am not sure what the e-mail was about, but if you do respond use feeling messages like “It feels so good to read…”

    Do you have a Ross store? They have great summer dresses for cheap! I just bought some for less than $12 each.



  407.  #407Starla on May 4, 2012 at 8:41 am

    soooooooo yeah i’d really like CF to come back!
    wtf, hurry up, buddy!
    lol



  408.  #408Stunning Love on May 4, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Well actually this is the second time since we broke up that he has had a “feeling like this” so I’m just annoyed. I have been changing things up but somehow I run into them. Interestingly he has tried to speak to me. I just continue looking forward and say nothing. I’m tired of him telling me he loves me but when he finds interest somewhere else he claims he’s not IN love…. I blocked his messages and blocked him on FB. Now.I need to figure out how to deal with this stuff.



  409.  #409light heart on May 4, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Good morning ladies!

    I went out to meet a man (first meeting)
    last night. We’d been corresponding for weeks.
    He’s a professional (mental health) and seems like a good person and understanding. Like he walks his talk.

    I felt very comfortable, safe and had fun.
    He did do a lot of things to ‘take care’ of me, and he called me to see that I got home OK.

    I didn’t feel a lot of chemistry, really. I am OK with that, though, because I am still learning about how
    that is working for me as I get older here. I know I have a healthy libido. I feel comfortable with going out with someone again who I didn’t feel dazzled by
    initially.

    I have a feeling a lot of them look for that, though, for that huge spark, on the first meeting, like they want to feel that I am very attracted to them, but I’m not going to invest in that belief.

    I wasn’t judgmental about him except for the fact that he mostly did not look at me when he talked,
    he looked into the distance.

    He looked very interested and intent when I told him what my goals were in on-line dating…to get
    into a relationship headed towards commitment.

    It seems to work for me putting it right out there because I don’t want to feel like I am putting them off by being on the dating sites the next day.

    but maybe that is overfunctioning ?

    There is one I am meeting tomorrow who is
    definitely an alpha male and I get the sense he
    is pretty controlling, so this will be interesting
    and a great challenge to practice feeling messages
    and sticking to my boundaries!

    Have a great day and weekend, everyone !

    🙂
    light heart



  410.  #410light heart on May 4, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Starla, LOL
    my immediate thought to say to you, is,

    at this point, get yourself on a dating site and start talking to and going out with many different guys, so you stop thinking so much about CF

    it has helped me so much with that as it relates to my x, because there were feelings there with a lack of closure for me and many thoughts spinning = overfunctioning.

    Although… I did have a setback because I am so, so certain that he pulled a stunt recently and posed as someone else on the site we met on in order to feel me out about where I’m at emotionally, and make contact with me. I’m so happy I didn’t say much and stuck to feeling messages.

    anyway, baby girl, just some unsolicited advice from me to you

    🙂
    light heart



  411.  #411Daria on May 4, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Vi – i feel great to know you want to use my tool… feel free to use any of my tools i feel honored 🙂



  412.  #412light heart on May 4, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Hey Daria, since you’re here,
    I wanted to say, I really like what you wrote on the previous post about really getting into exploring in this life what it’s like to be fully in the feminine
    I feel a lot of agreement with that

    🙂
    light heart



  413.  #413Starla on May 4, 2012 at 9:03 am

    I don’t wanna date yet:(
    Today I actually feel more normal than ever. In time, I will date. I have my side business and school to focus on for the next few days.

    I did finally start to notice men out and about and feel attracted to them. So that’s very promising!



  414.  #414GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 9:03 am

    406: T-Girl

    The email is comment 338 if you wanted to read it. I thought of responding, “Thank you for the vote of confidence, it feels nice.”

    Yes, I do have a ROSS near me. I haven’t shopped there yet. I will have to go check that out!



  415.  #415light heart on May 4, 2012 at 9:07 am

    That sounds good Starla.

    I know without a doubt that you know what’s good for you.

    Making myself date even though I wasn’t really feeling it, was good for me to stop the over-thinking and continue on my horse on my bridge.

    🙂
    light heart



  416.  #416Starla on May 4, 2012 at 9:11 am

    light heart, i wouldn’t mind a few coffee dates with various guys, but I feel weird about dating when I KNOW I’m not available for a relationship right now.

    I just need to focus on me right now. I spent most this week totally bummed and not really moving in the direction I’d like to be moving because it exhausted me. I’d like to take better care of myself and my home before I get involved with another man.



  417.  #417siren song on May 4, 2012 at 9:11 am

    i feel super-distracted at work today.

    there is an event today that i have to attend that guy who is angry at me might also be attending. part of feels really eager to see him, part of me is afraid of how i will react if he doesn’t show up.

    i intend to drop into my pelvis, cd other guys there, and feel whatever i am feeling.



  418.  #418soraya on May 4, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Hi Rori,
    I wanted to write you about my situation, I don’t normally air my private life but I am at a point where I need some help. I have been in a 2 year relationship with a man that is hot and cold. I have been through so much disappointment and hurt with this man, but for some reason I am crazy about him. I just recently told him I had had enough and to leave me alone. I still miss him and wish I could run to him, but I want more than he is willing to give me. When I first met him he pursued the heck out of me and I was not that into him, I finally fell for him and he immediately changed from calling me and messaging me 20 times a day to maybe 1 call or none. That really crushed me and I put up with it for a while. Finally I got angry and stopped talking to him. He apologized and came back and did the same thing again twice. He claims he more than cares for me but that he is not sure about “Love.” The funny thing is I feel he does love me and I could see it in his eyes, but his actions speak louder than words. his friends think he is an idiot, and I guess I feel the same way. He goes to gatherings and does not invite me even though his friends bring their wives and girlfriends, that is really painful for me. Rori when I am with him he gives me his undivided attention, and our chemistry is perfect. I have decided to try and date others like you advise but when I think of another man I just want to cry. I am 49 years old and get asked out quite often, he is 51. I feel afraid that I will keep going on this merry-go-round. I want to be happy and in a committed relationship. I want him back but will not settle for anything less than what I want. Rori please help me.



  419.  #419Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Stunning Love it is in situations like those that Rori encourages us to bring out our Rockstar Diva. Maybe if you read through the Power and Self-Esteem category to the right of the blog you might find info to help you.



  420.  #420Starla on May 4, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I guess I’m not really ready to move on. I feel glad that I have been living my life in a moved-on way so that when I am emotionally ready, I’ll have this fabulous life to step fully into.



  421.  #421light heart on May 4, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Starla, I feel empathy with how you feel.

    I think even just those few coffee dates with various guys who you could just feel curious about what gifts are they bringing me, would be good, like really actually waterwheeling male energy/interest towards you and changing up your vibe some, as it relates to CF.

    All told, I know you are really doing great! and I feel thankful that you are sharing your process with us. it is very inspiring!

    🙂
    light heart



  422.  #422Starla on May 4, 2012 at 9:23 am

    ((((((light heart)))))))) thank you
    you’re so right.

    so tired of feeling adrift at sea
    also knowing i need to just sink in and feel adrift.



  423.  #423light heart on May 4, 2012 at 9:28 am

    my goodness, right now I am feeling so tender in my hear towards all of us, and amazed by the strength and courage we have to really feel all of our feelings, and be open and vulnerable, i am moved to tears, good tears of joy

    🙂
    light heart



  424.  #424light heart on May 4, 2012 at 9:28 am

    that is, ‘heart’ 🙂



  425.  #425GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Comment 409 made me think about how Mr. Observant was taking care of me at the last party and I didn’t even realize it as that.

    I had my gift for my friend and there wasn’t a gift table. Someone decided to create one and he offered to take my gift over to the table. He ended up taking a bunch of gifts over there, but he only offered me, the rest asked him.

    I was getting money out to buy a drink and he told me to use the money that was sitting there on the bar. He told me twice!

    Everyone was excited about my gift. I drew a portrait of her daughter and someone must have told people before I got there cause everyone was talking about it. I told him how I needed to tell my friend to open my gift before I left. He said, you want to go over there now and have her open it? So I agreed and then he went and got the gift from the table and was acting all excited about my gift, it was cute.

    He was hovering the whole night.



  426.  #426April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 9:59 am

    “As you become more aware of when you’re shutting down – and what makes you want to go away from a man and what makes you want to be all over him – you’ll start to catch the tricks of chemistry and instead make a determination to BUILD chemistry with a man who’s ABLE, WILLING – and LOVES you!”

    I woke up this morning with warmer air in my heart!
    Resentment and closing weren’t my default mode. After so many days feeling shut down and resistant, this was a huge relief.

    I was able to melt into WM when he hugged me.
    I actually felt surprised at my own openness!



  427.  #427April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 10:00 am

    It felt good hugging him. Like nestling into the warm fur of a cuddly bear.



  428.  #428April Rose on May 4, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Safe, protected, enfolded, warm.



  429.  #429Angela on May 4, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Hi,

    #273 Starla,

    We got back in touch because even though we were broken up he never stopped contacting me. I asked him not to call 3-4 months after the break up because he wasn’t honoring my wishes to break up. So he would just text once in a while until sometime in March I decided to return a text that he’d sent. Since then we’ve been communicating but not like how we used to. Btw….I broke it off because he wouldn’t commit by moving closer or to marriage. He always had excuses not to.



  430.  #430Starla on May 4, 2012 at 10:15 am

    i crave hugs and cuddles big time
    like addictively



  431.  #431Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 10:26 am

    April Rose and T-Girl I just want to thank you for the help you have been giving me today.

    I now seem to have all these potential CD’s lined up on my new dating site, OKC, and I know I have to start SOMEWHERE, so Sirens I may need your help here as I dip my toe into the dating pond………..if anybody could even help me with how to respond that would feel great.

    Namaste



  432.  #432Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Oh and one man I will call him IrishCD has a minimal profile and a really fuzzy photo so I can’t see what he looks like and he looks pretty overweight, how do I approach that?

    His opening message to me was, “Let’s grab a coffee and I’m paying!!”

    A bit better than “Hi how r u?”



  433.  #433Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 10:31 am

    SMB – I feel open to having coffee with you



  434.  #434siren song on May 4, 2012 at 10:34 am

    i have a belief that i am ugly and i need to be with a gorgeous man to make up for it.

    oh my god! what??

    where did i learn this?

    wow. i feel so sad i have been dragging this negative belief around. i feel lighter.

    i have been trying to be beautiful by osmosis.

    does this make any sense to anyone else?

    i feel shocked that i believed this deep inside since i was a teenager.



  435.  #435Radlove on May 4, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Starks, I do to. Tight hugs!



  436.  #436GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Yes, I love hugs too.



  437.  #437Radlove on May 4, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Soraya,

    Welcome! Solution = Circular Date

    It’s in rori’s. Programs.



  438.  #438Starla on May 4, 2012 at 10:50 am

    i don’t feel brave or strong enough to turn my back on pining for CF. I feel energetically stuck with him.

    I feel scared to unwrap my energy and disconnect from him. Like then I will lose him forever.

    But I hear the best way to get a man to come to you is to turn your energy fully away.

    So I’m confused.



  439.  #439Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 10:55 am

    4. And here is where another crucial piece comes in. I don’t want you to harbor expectations, not when you’re looking for a man and not when you are with him. Thinking a man falls short because of specifics you have imagined you want may very well BLIND YOU to the possibility that your brand of knight in shining armor may already be in your presence.

    Or you likely won’t recognize him as a potential one when he does show up.

    If you are in a relationship, carrying this kind of expectant energy will feel awful for all involved. You will feel unsatisfied. He will feel pressure. No one feels good let alone blissfully head over heels and basking in the warmth and glow of true and abiding LOVE, your own and his.

    Releasing your expectations, changing your thoughts about a man, shifting your energy around him, expands YOU, opens YOU to possibility. And this can be very exciting.

    If he’s the man FOR YOU, this may very well be the relief and the release he needs to feel comfortable with you and to confirm what he may already know deep inside yet has hesitated because of the discord or disconnect, the uneasiness, the pressure. You really ARE his one and only woman

    http://sexandheart.com/how-to-get-your-man-back



  440.  #440Radlove on May 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I’m practicing CDing w a man at the Laundromat. Smiling and eye contact. Now I’m glad I put my hair up! 😉



  441.  #441Starla on May 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

    i’m gonna go to the gym for a lunch workout and maybe i’ll feel more empowered after:)
    be back soon.



  442.  #442R.N.AmazingMe on May 4, 2012 at 11:02 am

    @437 aww well Starla be confused no more!! You are letting yourself be confused so control it and turn it around. Walk away and I am living proof yes it may be hard and i guarentee you will have to do it again and again in your life. What I like about it I am contolling me and my actions. It feels good to walk away when somrthing is not good for you. It gets easier and easier and finally u will see the only people coming back to u will be good people. People that really love you. This is a flawless system 🙂



  443.  #443Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 11:04 am

    2987: Barbara says:

    Hi Rori,
    I have only just discovered your wonderful programs and tools and am very excited about them. I’m a newbie at the programs and also very rusty at dating having cut myself off from that world for nearly 12 years. I recently met a man and we are very attracted to each other. We are just having fun at this point. Unfortunately I believe he may have heard me say to my friend that I “love him”, I didn’t mean it literally, it was a figure of speech – as in he’s so cool. The next time I saw him he acted a bit different but was just as eager to “make out” and then stopped and said “I really love seeing you but I don’t want a relationship right now (short pause) at this time, and I don’t want you to get hurt”. To which I quickly replied that I didn’t want a relationship either…at this time. He asked if we could keep what we have going. It seems that he assumes (correctly) I’m not going to go any further with him without a relationship and that he’s just asking for permission to keep whatever intimacy we have so far (just slightly too much) in a holding pattern. Without thinking I said yes, although I knew from your book and modern siren that I should have handled it differently. A) Is it too late to recover? B) Should I let him know that I didn’t mean to say “love” or should I just not mention it at all? I truly did just want to take one moment at a time with him, I am honestly not thinking of a future with him already, in fact, I don’t believe I’m anywhere near ready for a relationship. I’d just really like to reset, I feel like I wish I could start over from square one. I wish I had started your programs sooner so that I could have been better prepared for him when he came along. : )

    2989: Rori Raye says:

    Barbara – This is a dangerous game you’re playing with YOURSELF. I don’t believe you don’t want a “relationship” with him – otherwise you wouldn’t be this concerned about it all – you’d just go “whatever.” The worst thing you can ever do is pretend you don’t feel what you feel or want what you want. And the only way to work this “dating” him is to be dating lots of other men AT THE SAME TIME!!! It’s the only way you might even half believe what you say. Circular Date. Targeting Mr. Right program. You need experience dating to understand in your bones what’s going on here. You don’t have to say anything if you’re dating other men – that’s the beauty of it – and you CAN’T be exclusive with a man who SAYS he doesn’t want t relationship. Love, Rori



  444.  #444R.N.AmazingMe on May 4, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Sometimes I cannot believe that I ever accepted such bad behavior by any man . Now that the last has been put on the horse I never let the noobies even so much as make one wrong comment.



  445.  #445Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Also 2 have given me their phone number to call them how do I do the you call me thing without looking like a complete nitwit and without referring to myself as “I’m just a girl here?”



  446.  #446Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 11:18 am

    (tapping link removed by request)

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  447.  #447Healing Waterfall on May 4, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Help!

    What do I say to a CD who recently reemerged? We chatted on chat and exchanged texts and a few phone calls in feb. and they he went away on vacation to europe.
    he called me the other night to say he is back and he seems so nice, but i can’t understand what his name is and all our messages are erased on pof….how do i figure out his name? we have a date on sat night to go for a walk downtown….
    lol what would be a good sireny statement to get him to say his name over to me…..he is from bosnia or eastern europe or something and is very cute and his is late 30’s/early forties….



  448.  #448Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 11:20 am

    #432 FW

    So I don’t ask for a better photo or worry about what he looks like? I don’t mind a few pounds overweight, hell I could do with losing a few myself but I am not into obese men, apologies if this causes offence to anybody on here.

    He has almost nothing on his profile except his height and age and he is Irish and recently moved to London……..



  449.  #449Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 11:20 am

    I am an old fashioned girl, I feel more comfortable with men calling. It feels unromantic when I initiate calls.



  450.  #450Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 11:22 am

    SMB you are looking to date to see how you feel with the experience. Forget looking for a life partner.



  451.  #451Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 11:25 am

    #448 FW

    Do I have to specifically use the word “girl” is there another alternative for women in their 50’s?



  452.  #452Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 11:25 am

    HW – I would assume his name is not the everyday Mike or Tom as such “I feel silly and embarassed bringing this up but I have forgotten your name”. It shows you have a busy life with a lot of things going on to remember a guy who poofed so many moons ago. Who knows, he might have dropped off the planet.



  453.  #453Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 11:26 am

    #449 FW

    See this is the bit I keep forgetting about CD’ing, I just can’t get my head around it……….sorry for being a pain.



  454.  #454Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 11:26 am

    SMB I am 51 I use girl. Just yesterday a 54 year old man called me “a girl”.



  455.  #455Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 11:27 am

    #446 HW

    He may be your very own version of that staring guy you like. 😀



  456.  #456Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 11:28 am

    FW I am 59 (gulp) in a few weeks, it just seems too silly, maybe it’s a British thing??



  457.  #457GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 11:28 am

    @445 I’m already registered 🙂



  458.  #458Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Stop judging yourself as old SMB. There is a little girl in there who wants to come out a play. Their little boy want to see her.



  459.  #459turquoise on May 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Hi Sirens,

    Ugh, I sort of had to have the no girlfriend speech with So Ready last night. HE says he wants to take things slow, but he keeps talking about a future, wanting to know if I’m dating anyone else…. if I’ll continue to date other men while getting to know him. We aren’t being intimate.. it’s only been 2 freaking dates, and I know my lack of calling/texting/ etc. is different for him…. but I do like him. I’m just not anywhere near ready to commit to one man. I’m not in love with him, we aren’t sleeping togehter, and while it’s fun planning dates and I enjoy seeing him… it’s long distance, so it happens slowly.

    I feel the need to call or text and explain myself. To remind him that I do like him, just am looking for the relationship I want, and that takes time. I won’t though. I’ll lean back.

    The funny thing is, this is probably the guy I wouldn’t have to lean back with, who would love for me to shower him with attention, he already asked me if I want a commitment…. I wonder if it works this way. When they like us more, we don’t want that. When we are so into them, it’s so hard to lean back. Hmm.

    C was supposed to come in this weekend, but lost his wallet, so isn’t sure if he’s coming. I don’t know if the universe is trying to tell me something here…. but curious to see how it all plays out.

    Hugs to you! Off to get a manicure instead of a facial, my nails are a mess!



  460.  #460Silver Moonbeam on May 4, 2012 at 11:49 am

    #445 FW

    I can’t find the free bit of this tapping thing, all I can find are packages way out of my budget. 🙁



  461.  #461R.N.AmazingMe on May 4, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Well I may be outta my league here but I am 32 and they say you are only as old as u feel. 🙂



  462.  #462siren song on May 4, 2012 at 11:52 am

    just talking to a woman at work about her marriage. she was dating a bunch of guys at once for years (naturally cding!) and when she met her guy he said. i want to get married. i want you. no other guys.

    this is exactly what i needed to hear as i try to get over guy who is angry at me!



  463.  #463Stunning Love on May 4, 2012 at 11:54 am

    I’m shifting my thinking every day i come to work at least one person (but usually at least five people) tell me how beautiful I look. I’ve been spending time focusing on me and finding my inner self. I have been working out again more regularly and am loving the compliments. I actually feel beautiful. I love that my outside is reflecting the woman I am on the inside. 🙂



  464.  #464Mochaberri on May 4, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Hey Sirens!!!!!!!!!!!!

    How is everyone – so sorry have been on overload.

    A few things in this post triggered me (I just glanced at it) and I want to open up and share with you once I fully read it and see if they still trigger me.



  465.  #465Dominique on May 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    SIlver Moonbeam – #296 – There is NOTHING wrong with you. Fear can be a powerful motivator, and we all feel. We all fear deep intimacy and for many reasons.

    Sometimes the intensity can feel overwhelming. Sometimes you may feel like you could drown in it. Or lose yourself. Sometimes the fear is about the potential pain which may come to be, eg. what if he leaves, rejects or abandons you for whatever reason, death is one of them.

    And the thought of feeling such depth with someone only to have it taken away can feel more terrifying than being alone.

    But anticipating pain is not useful. It may never happen. And even if it does, your heart will still have experienced something wonderful. How beautiful is that.

    Releasing your fears requires trust, mostly in yourself but also in the universe or your higher power or however you look at this.

    When you take a step out over an abyss (i.e.the great unknown), believe with all you have that there will be something there to support you. You won’t fall.

    xxoo



  466.  #466Brandylion on May 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Re #438: “4. And here is where another crucial piece comes in. I don’t want you to harbor expectations, not when you’re looking for a man and not when you are with him. Thinking a man falls short because of specifics you have imagined you want may very well BLIND YOU to the possibility that your brand of knight in shining armor may already be in your presence.

    Or you likely won’t recognize him as a potential one when he does show up.”

    I feel confused about this. What exactly is meant by “expectations” in this context? Should I not expect and hope to find a college-educated man? I come from a solidly middle-class family and went to an Ivy League university; I will finish a master’s in physics this summer.

    I feel a bit angry and resentful at thinking that I should be with someone who only finished high school. By thinking someone with that level of education is “not good enough for me,” am I projecting some sort of fear of my own inadequacy onto him? I just don’t know.

    I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t engage and interest me intellectually, and I guess I believe that someone without a college education can’t (won’t be able to) do that. Oooh, I feel yucky. Is this something that needs healing?



  467.  #467Starla on May 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    brandylion, i so feel you about the education thing. And yet, having never thought I was going to go to college once I emancipated during high school, and being the first to actually graduate college in my family, and having a lot of family from El Salvador who are actually illiterate, I feel like this isn’t the most important thing (an education). But it still bothers me.

    So…

    I decided that what’s important to me is a person’s enthusiasm for learning. I can’t date someone who isn’t excited to learn about new things or broaden their knowledge of what they already are into.

    Maybe this will help you not have a hard a fast standard for education level, but rather, education enthusiasm as a personality trait?



  468.  #468Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 12:28 pm

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    as Emotional Freedom Techniques or “EFT” and it’s
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  469.  #469Starla on May 4, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    omgoodness, i forgot my wallet today…i never do that. alaska to the rescue. he offered to take me to lunch but i haven’t much time since I spent my break at the gym. So he’s making me a peanut butter and honey sandwich at his office and walking it over to me. He works a couple blocks away.



  470.  #470Dominique on May 4, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Brandylion – yes this is something which needs healing, but remember too, like attracts like.

    xxoo



  471.  #471Radlove on May 4, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Home now. Man at the laundromat started a conversation with me at the dryers, and then he did the standard, “My wife and daughter blah, blah, blah…” But he was friendly, and it was still good CD practice!

    Rori says fall in love with everything and everyone! LOL! I think that’s a nice idea! Unfortunately, I am too in love with pizza and McDonald’s strawberry and creme pies! 😆



  472.  #472Radlove on May 4, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Stunning Love,

    Oooh, I feel jealous! I like your name! 🙂



  473.  #473sensual on May 4, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Hmm i’m feeling a bit unsure how to do something without leaning forward….i’ve been dating a truly wonderful man for 2 weeks, but it’s been so incredibly intense, we have honestly spent maybe 10 or 11 days together, i’ve been away both weekends with him. It feels absolutely wonderful most of the time, however he is 5 months out of a 3 1/2 year live-in relationship with a girl he even told me is his soulmate, but they can’t be together in a healthy way as she has issues so they are totally over and i feel confident with this and his honesty, but she is still in his life as a friend and it’s causing our whirlwind courtship to slow down and for me to feel a bit cautious and on occasions a little shut down around him as sometimes i feel like he pulls back a little on purpose but then when i let him “just be” he comes right back again and it feels beautiful as ever!



  474.  #474Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Who else are you dating sensual?



  475.  #475sensual on May 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    last weekend we went to his beautiful place in the countryside and slept under the stars. This week i stayed over at his tuesday and last night and left this morning. I made some other plans for tonight and tomorrow evening, so as he’s going to his country place again, he suggested i drive for the day on sunday. also today i am going hiking and he said if i like i could come and pick his beautiful dog up and take him with. So far i have initiated nothing, he does all of the texting/calling. but today I said i’d text him about coming to pick his dog up later for a hike. Now, i see online that it’s the most beautiful Supermoon on Saturday night exact at 11.35pm AND it’s a hayley’s comet meteor shower at exactly the same time! 40-60 “shooting stars” are expected to be seen per hour! and basically i reaaaaally want to blow off my saturday night plans and drive out to meet him in the country instead and watch the meteor shower under the stars with him! but i feel like between texting him today, driving to his house to pick up his dog and then making suggestions about me coming early to the country and staying saturday night…..i don;t know if it’s too much leaning forward all of a sudden. but i also dont want to miss the beautiful opportunity



  476.  #476sensual on May 4, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    on the days i didn’t see him i went on 2 different dates and i am seeing one of those guys tonight, but i’m not interested at all…./im only doing it to feel good about myself and it does help!



  477.  #477GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    sensual, what if you trade picking up the dog for a hike with watching the supermoon and comet?



  478.  #478GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I still feel guilty and rude for not replying with a thank you. A little confused too, cause wouldn’t I be receiving his compliments/support/positive vibe better if I say thank you? If I don’t respond, am I receiving it?



  479.  #479sensual on May 4, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Giving girl i would say thank you! just a simple thanks! or aww thanks! would be perfect in my opinion. I also think it’s important to receive by saying thanks



  480.  #480Starla on May 4, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    We sat on the steps across from my office and I hugged my knees and rested my head on my arms… and Alaska started rubbing my back so soothingly. I just melted. And drooled on my hand. Then we laughed at me.



  481.  #481sensual on May 4, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    So i’m fine with trading the dog hike….but….the nice thing about going to pick his dog up, was that i would be able to talk with him in person about Saturday night and even show him an article online about it. If i don’t go to his house then i have to text or call him and explain about it over the phone and make the “me coming early saturday night instead” suggestion over the phone which doesn’t feel as good to me somehow



  482.  #482GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Starla,

    Alaska sounds so sweet!



  483.  #483Starla on May 4, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    he is sweet, but i feel real apprehensive about him – always have. i think we could really bring out the worst in each other=/

    but i notice that this giving style of physical affection from a man REALLY takes the edge off of missing another.

    He rubbed my back and I was like “CF Who?”

    I don’t want to use him for rebounding:(. But he is fully aware I just broke up with someone and it really hurt me.



  484.  #484Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    sensual – sorry but the more you write is the more I feel icky. It sounds like overfunctioning to me, like you are doing all the work and making it too easy for him. It reminds me of listening to Rori talking about a woman who kept a man’s nasty cockatoo birds while he was on vacation.

    Why are you driving to him to pick up his dog?



  485.  #485GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    sensual

    I feel all of it is too much, especially when it seems like this was a planned break from 2 weeks of whirlwind. I understand the whole, “watching the stars, comets and moon being all romantic”, I would feel the same way. I still vote for choosing one over the other, so that you do have a break. With the recent break-up, I think a break is important until you feel more certain regarding the circumstances.



  486.  #486T-Girl on May 4, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Giving Girl, I just read the e-mail exchange and I can see why you are torn. I think I am leaning towards not replying and letting him have the last word. Only because he didn’t ask any questions or open it up for further communication.



  487.  #487Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Giving Girl I suspect he is masculine and don’t want to be mothered. As such it is no wonder he did not respond to the question how are you. Rori suggests that is giving too much to a man in her Reconnect Program.

    Him wanting to see your working is him in problem solving fix-it mode. Very masculine.

    Maybe I would respond “I feel open to sharing it with you. Thank you for offering”.



  488.  #488sensual on May 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    ok thanks feminine woman and giving girl…i needed this outside perspective or i definitely would have over-functioned. I’m going to text him to say that i can’t do the hike with his dog and in the text i’ll tell him about the amazing meteor shower on saturday and see if he suggests me coming early. how does that sound?



  489.  #489Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    I feel a bit turned off by “you are sweet” though I have to admit that I have used it. Now that I think about it, it is something I often hear from guys so I am not sure I will use it again. I more often use “you are a good man or you are a great man” now. “I feel so ———(inspired, safe, comforted) by you you.



  490.  #490GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Sensual

    I think that feels much better.



  491.  #491Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    sensual I would just tell him there is a meteor shower I feel excited about watching with no expectations. I might even tell him where I would be going in my own neighborhood to watch. Playing coy, dropping hints or making suggestions to be with him could backfire.



  492.  #492GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    T-Girl & FW

    Thanks. Yes, I think he is masculine. He’s not like the guys I’ve dated before.

    Wanting to see my work is problem solving, masculine?



  493.  #493Calypso on May 4, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I just got an email from a new match guy, we’ll call him JP. He initiated contact and we have been emailed back and forth all day. He is away on a job right now and so we will probably not meet in person for several weeks, which is kind of nice. I’m trying to practice my feeling messages – it is sooo hard! I just did the, “I love my job because . . . ” one. I wish it all came more naturally to me! he looks very handsom in his pictures and he sounds intelligent when he writes. He has his 17 year old son on the job with him and they are having a good time together, so that’s a good sign.

    I needed this to help me not text GM. I never heard anythign from the other Match guy I emailed yesterday. I don’t get that . . .

    Anyway, wish me luck CD’ing JP and staying away from my CF: GM . . .



  494.  #494Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I believe he wants to find something in it to tell you to make you feel happy.



  495.  #495sensual on May 4, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    490. FW that’s what i did (apart from the where i would watch in my neighbor hood bit). I wrote “please send my apologies to (his dog) i can’t make the hike today :(. But omg C on saturday that flowermoon (we spoke about) is a supermoon! (bla bla bla ..i sounded very excited) and a meteor shower, shooting stars everywhere holy crazy! i feel all tingly inside just thinking about it!”

    oh wait he just replied. 🙁 he just wrote “Heard about that on the radio today. Sounds like a fun night!”

    aggghhhh why couldn’t he make a suggestion! but he’s not a mind reader is he and he knows i have plans to go to a black tie party with a girlfriend. So now i have the choice to either leave it completely and just go out on Sunday…… or to reply either today or tomorrow with a suggestion about me blowing my party off to come out early.



  496.  #496sensual on May 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    yeh i know the answer already 🙁 🙁



  497.  #497Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    sensual -Rori recommends respecting the masculine and not making such suggestions.



  498.  #498Francesca on May 4, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    I am feeling a little sad now.

    My man is going to go work in Alberta for two years.

    That’s four provinces away.

    About 4,500 km.

    Wow, I feel weird about it.

    Not feeling too good now.

    (((Francesca)))



  499.  #499GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    @493 FW That’s interesting. I feel I have so much to learn. Thank you for your help.

    I don’t think I’ve ever dated a masculine guy.

    So, is, “Have a nice weekend.” or “Have a good evening.” also masculine? He ends emails like that a lot.



  500.  #500sensual on May 4, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    I just wrote back ..”and it’s in scorpio the freakiest sign of all! i love it! :)”

    Will leave it now it must be his call



  501.  #501GivingGirl on May 4, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    (((Francesca)))



  502.  #502Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    GivingGirl I have come to accept that as yes, that is masculine giving energy so I accept it with an appreciative “thank you” or smiley text or just sinking into the feeling of pleasure when I receive it. I don’t always give it back so that they can have the last word.



  503.  #503Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Francesca it could give him the opportunity to miss you to the point of wanting to have you by his side forever.

    ((((((((((((((((((Francesca))))))))))))))))



  504.  #504Francesca on May 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Thank you, GG & FW.

    We could only see each other once every second month or something.

    Sometimes I hate my country for being so big.

    And right now, the thing I hate the most are the tar sands.



  505.  #505Francesca on May 4, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    The good thing is he won’t leave for a whole month and a half, so that still gives us a little time.

    I got to see some positive somewhere.



  506.  #506Tiffany on May 4, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    I don’t know what it is about me today, but I just got three “hi, how are you?”s from guys today, as I was walking down the street. And then a random woman smiled at me. I felt surprised by all the positive attention! I wondered what these people were seeing, or perhaps “getting” from my vibe. I feel radiant, and I’m not sure why! Teehee 🙂 lol



  507.  #507Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 3:45 pm

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  508.  #508Femininewoman on May 4, 2012 at 3:47 pm