What You Don’t Love About Yourself Triggers You

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Here’s a letter about one of my favorite topics – how working with what triggers us can change our lives almost overnight…

…And before we start, I want to let you know there’s a NEW Warrior Woman Masterclass this coming Sunday, October 6th, at 9am PDT, 11am CDT, 12 noon EDT, and late afternoon Europe, called “Self-Love In 12 Steps.”

Go here to find out more and grab your spot for only $97, if you want to get your questions answered, find out the TRUTH about self-love, self-esteem, self-respect (it’s not what you think!) and even get live-coached by me!->

The Question:

“I know everyone has their things to deal with. I know I am not alone. I know many people have dealt with many things 1000 times worse than me.

My family is such a big issue, and then every man I meet or date, or have tried to be in a relationship with, ends up the same way as my family experiences. I feel exhausted, annoyed, irritated, judged, constricted around them.  It’s like they purposely say things they know will hurt me and antagonize me.

I have actually started letting this go in the past year. I’ve started making decisions based on my needs and not my family’s or a man’s, and been trying to do this without much success. I just feel crappy most of the time, and frustrated and angry with myself and then frustrated and angry with my family and dates.

It’s hard to get away from negativity, when that was your entire life. I feel happy that I am no where near as negative as my parents. I see that in them and I don’t want to be like that. But it’s all just followed me through my love life, and I don’t know how to make it better. Or even how to feel better. How can I feel better about all this, and actually make it BE better? Frustrated and miserable…

My Answer:

Dear Frustrated and miserable, sounds to me like you’re smack in the middle of a great school called Life 101, where all of us are, where you discover who you are, what you want, what you think, what triggers you, what it all does and doesn’t mean.

On top of that, you learn how to deal with people who love you but whose way of showing how much they care doesn’t feel good – and how to deal with people who don’t love you, yet show that to you in very confusing ways.

In my personal experience, and those of my clients, what we’re all fighting within ourselves – what we’re not “owning” and loving and embracing and accepting inside ourselves – are the things that most trigger us out in the world.

And – the physics of this is: If we’re not owning, loving, embracing, accepting all the parts of ourselves, we automatically attract people to us who will TRIGGER those parts we’re not owning, loving, embracing, accepting…

It’s like we attract an army consisting WHOLLY of the parts of ourselves we’re trying our best to dismiss!

And – the kicker of this is it’s not an inner “attack”! It’s NOT about “self-hate” – it’s a powerful “attraction” act, coming from YOU – that’s actually Self-love!!!!

This concept, this idea that you don’t have to make “Self-Love” a “project” because it already exists in you and is going pretty darn strong, is what you’ll learn and get coached around in the “Self-Love In 12 Steps” Masterclass this Sunday, October 6th (only 4 days from now!). Come join me, get your personal questions answered, and learn a whole new way of getting what you want in life and love->

Forget “The Law of Attraction.” This basically says we “attract what we’re being.” And – for me, since we’re always being “different” from moment to moment, it doesn’t work well this way. 

How we’re “being” is very hard to put your finger on!

What IS EASY to put your finger on is – who and what are you attracting?!

For instance, if someone were to call me “selfish” I would be hugely triggered.

So – who said that?! Who called me “selfish”?

Are they saying it all the time? Are there lots of people saying it?

Does this mean you’re selfish? NO! Yet, that’s the “meaning” we most naturally, always put to things that show up around us.

What it DOES mean, absolutely, that the part of you that YOU call “selfish” is so in need of your love and attention and approval and acceptance (and its emotions are so POWERFUL!) that it’s CALLED these folks in to SAY you’re selfish.”

They’re there as messengers (call them “divine” if you like) – even your family.

It’s as though they’re inspired to “pick up” on what you’re trying to hide inside yourself, and pull it out!

When someone mentions my age as though I don’t look “20 years younger” (the way I prefer to see myself…) I find myself hating them and feeling offended.

I get triggered just as much as anyone.

The trick is to be able to “catch” all of this, realize quickly that more love needs to be slathered on these parts that have risen up so powerfully, with such powerful needs, that they’ve literally brought in people from the outside world to help them be heard!

Once these parts begin to feel heard and loved – even a little! – they’ll start to sit back instead of “call in the Triggers”!

We’re going to teach you ALL this on Sunday, October 6th, so come to the Masterclass (and, not to worry, if you can’t make the live  “Self-Love In12 Steps” Masterclass – you’ll have the replay!) – right here->

Love, Rori


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  1.  #1Sissy Davis on December 31, 2019 at 8:42 pm

    I need some advice about a long-term Hot :cold guy I love me
    I text him last and he never text me back after being very close. Also he recently had a cancer scare and I’m feeling a deep need to take care of him. I’m feeling Very needy and he is pushing me of course

    I know I should not contact him but it is New Year’s Eve.