When He Lives Away From You Part Of The Time, And There’s A Young Girl Around…What To Do?

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The Question:

Rori,  I have all your programs and they’ve helped me feel better about myself, yet, my situation feels impossible.

My husband left 3 weeks ago however, he wants to go to counseling and work things out however, things are not working. We have been married little over 1 year.

My second marriage at 41 and his first at 48. He is high-up in a corporation, and successful. He owns a ranch, and when I bring up issues in our marriage, he leaves and goes there.

One issue Is “Carly”. She is a college girl who is home for summer and holidays who is at the ranch during those times. When I have been there she has shown up, 7pm, not riding a horse and staring at my husband.

I told him I felt strange w/ her there during the times he was there w/ out me (he stays there 4 nights a week even when we were not separated). Am I jealous? He said she has been there since she was 13 and he has no intention of telling her to move her horse.

I gave him an ultimatum (tell her to board her horse somewhere else (she does not pay boarding fees) or we separate. We separated because of this and other issues. I am so sad. “Confused and Frustrated…”

My Answer:

“Confused and Frustrated” – I have a lot to say here…

For me, this is an untenable situation.

My question for you is why you are not living at the ranch, where he is 4 days a week.

And truthfully, there is no answer to this.

Either you’re living with your husband or you are not.

I do not know that there is anything going on with this college girl, though she clearly is interested in your husband.

He would likely, given your description of how he handles conversations with you, be a fool not to take her up on it.

And for you to expect that he would not is simply unrealistic.

He’s not demonstrated that kind of loyalty to you.

And by him avoiding the conversation, he is demonstrating that he has no interest in a totally monogamous relationship with you.

I have heard many situations where men hang around young women and then tell their girlfriends and wives that nothing is going on.

And there may actually not be anything going on with that particular young girl, yet 99% of the time there is something going on with some other woman.

If you truly want to try to fix all of this, I will, of course, suggest you get a coach. You need someone who has experience in fixing a seriously distrupted romance, and who will have your back.

The idea here is to completely turn your vibe, the way you speak, and everything about your communication (and even your logistics!) around – so fast – that you will be able to bring him much closer to you and be able to have some serious discussions without him running away.

That’s the first crucial step.

After that, you may discover that your values differ.

You have a couple of serious choices to make, and I encourage you to get some help making them.

You can work with the coach, go to the ranch, or show up differently for him when he comes back home, and then see what happens.

You could also just flat out leave.

For a middle ground, you can start Circular Dating now, without actually “dating”, and see what feels best to you from there.

Rather than flat out leave, I always, always suggest taking the working-it-out-route first.

If you want to try out coaching, go here, to Siren Circle Private Coaching, and we’ll set you up with a brilliant coach who can help you quickly->

Love, Rori

 

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