When He’s Gone – But Not Completely – And You Can’t Move On

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The Question:

Rori, How do I get back a ex boyfriend who is not talking to me?

All your lessons speak of current relationships but mine is dead. I’m broken hearted. I was too clingy. I pushed him away.

I scheduled a dinner date…this was my last message to him…

My message to him:

Dear Dan,

“I love you”…I have never said those words with more meaning to any man….

If you love me you will come back into my life…

Our Restaurant
Date: Friday, 25-June-2021
Time: 7:00 pm ~ Dinner Date
Reservation for 2
Dan❤️Deborah

You are the one for me but you don’t feel love for me today…and I don’t know if you can ever get past the fear that holds you back from us. I don’t know if you can ever get to allow your heart to fall in love with me. I will not ask you to choose me or to love me… YOU have to be the one to want to feel me. I have to let go of everything that is “you” and open my heart to meet that special guy when he walks into my life. I will never meet him until I let you completely go.

I wish you a safe, healthy and happy life.

I’m not messaging again, if you want to reach out to me you know my number. With me now stepping out of your life and letting you go….I will know in a very short period of time in weeks or a few months if you love me….and am I wasting time on a man who is too afraid to love me or does he come to meet me for our dinner date in six months because he does feel for me…

What Dan will I see that evening?

I love you.

My request is perhaps Rori can just answer my items and few questions;

The background: I have been dating on and off Dan for three years. He is deathly afraid of the word relationship and anything related to relationships. He is divorced now 12 years and hasn’t had a serious relationship over this time his divorce was painful and he has been just dating lots of girls and sleeping with some of them.

We have always had a unmistakable chemistry and we were very close. There is something about him, I fell in love with him, he always makes me feel safe. He told me many times he loved me….but he also told me “Deb I love you, but I am not in love with you. I need to love myself before I can love you. I need to find the peace in my life before I can make you happy”.

During the time with me I knew we were not exclusive but I wanted him to be. This left me hurting each time I would see him not knowing who was there the day and night before.We were intimate the entire time.

The last time I saw him: We went out on a date last February, and at the end of the dinner we had a argument in the parking lot of the restaurant and everything that I had been feeling for three years came out.

I was hurt, upset, felt disrespected, and I told him exactly how I felt and we went back to his place. I told him I felt he disrespected me, I felt used, I was tired of all the other girls, I didn’t like his drinking and his health was a mess. I was so hurt. I could not hold back.

We ended up sleeping together that night but no sex he just held me….that’s all I wanted too do and what we both needed just to hold me.

I said many hurtful things to him….but all truthful. The next day Dan went into the hospital with a heart episode. He had a slight heart episode per the doctor. His blood pressure was thru the roof.

The doctor placed him on meds to control the blood pressure and he was in the hospital for 4 days and on bed rest at home for 3 weeks too get his pressure down.

The doctor told him it was all due to stress, he told me that the doctor told him that our argument caused it and that he must feel strongly for me that this caused him to become ill.

I haven’t seen him since that night (almost 11 months ago).

Since then:

Dan has called just a few times (October 22, November 6, December 8) texted, emailed and we have spoken.

He told me at first he was hurt by that evening.

He then told me that I was right and he made changes in his life including giving up drinking, got himself in good shape, was healthy and had met someone and was NOW IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. I was crushed to hear the last item…

That relationship if now 7 months old as he started dating her in June. He sounded different and with this man who could not even utter the word ‘Relationship” was now neck deep in one. I was so hurt I felt crushed and I haven’t been the same since.

On the phone call of October 22 he told me “he missed me, he missed my tush he missed making love and missed feeling me”…..

i. he told me that he wanted to make love to me…..(my thought was how can he say this when he tells me he is in committed relationship and falling in love with this other girl.

I know if she would have seen these messages from him she would have been hurt. I knew then that he wasn’t in love with her or he would NEVER HAVE MESSAGED OR CALLED ME)

ii. I declined going over to see him and did not say yes even though I missed him and wanted to see and be with him.

The last time he and I spoke which was December 8 I asked him if he loved her and he said “Not yet but I’m getting there”…..another shot to my heart.

I haven’t spoken to him since.

My questions:

I know from reading your lessons that I need to let him go to get him back…
I know that its about letting myself go, of letting go of everything that is walking away from me…

I’m having a hard time of letting go, I keep reaching out to him, messaging him, calling him until the other day I sent him the attached email and that is my last message to him. I figured for three years he has never felt the emptiness of not having me in his life and if he truly does love me then he will come and I will keep my heart open to meet the right one.

I know that God will bring the right one into my life, only when I let Dan completely go.

How and what can I do to help myself with Dan to get him back (if possible) and to find the peace in my own life.

Has Rori ever seen a story like mine end happy for me?

Obviously I am head over heels in love with this man, I have tried dating others online, and I have gone out on dates with others but the entire time I’m sitting there depressed and getting sadder by the moment thinking about Dan and I honestly can’t wait for my date to finish so I can go home ..

I kinda look at it as I’m just not ready to date anyone and I have pushed myself through several times to go on dates and as hard as it is that I push myself there’s always something that reminds me of him a road or a restaurant or location or we’re driving past where he lives it’s torture pure torture I’m at the point in my life Did I honestly don’t know if I can live without him in each day I pray that I don’t wake up that’s how much pain I feel inside I don’t want to wake up to feel the pain it hurts too much.

I’m hurting so much inside,

Deborah

And then, a follow up letter from Deborah:

“Dan reached out this past weekend….

He send me a message “Deb, we need to meet soon”……I followed u per Rori reply below to send him emoji heart and when I did he replied back that he missed me and still feels love for me….

I know that the advice that I have been following from Rori’s program does work to get him back you have to let him go and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing I did not respond to his message as it was a text and to be honest I would like time to take care of myself before I see him again.

In my messages you I have said to him that if we are meant to be that in six months we would both show up at the restaurant I wanted this time between us to give space to allow him to feel the emptiness of not having me in his life and if we’re truly meant to be then we will come together. I want to show him that I’m not chasing his love anymore. I’m taking care I’m doing things for myself in my own life I wanted to share this with you in hopes that you would reply can you also answer my questions.

I know that I smothered him and pushed him away….I’m going to give up complete control and I have plans to join the sessions with Natalinae Love as per your wonderful team has advised.

My Answer:

Oh My gosh, Deborah, my heart just goes out to you.

This is all going to sound a bit harsh, especially coming from me, and a bit “tough love,” and yet, I believe that anything I would say would be kinder than what you’re saying to yourself.

First, I remember, when I was in college, I expressed my pain over unrequited relationships in poetry.

That was awesome, because I still have those poems, and they were the only things that helped convince me I was indeed a writer, even though I wasn’t specifically trained to be a writer.

I other words: Those relationships that did not work out were an important part of me, my path, my growth as a human and as a woman – and my inspiration as a creative artist!

So – please know that I feel tremendous value of anything you feel strongly about and passion for – and, in this case, it’s this man.

And yet, at the same time, as he disappoints you continually, your anger cannot seem to help but come out in ways that push him even further away.

This is a vicious circle, a game of push-and-pull we play with men and with ourselves that has no good result – and no ending.

It’s a never-ending pattern: a circle.

The thing is – love is a circle, too. It never ends.

It morphs, and changes shape, changes frequency and the way it looks – but it keeps shining out love and light.

The pattern you’re in, the never-ending-circle, feels like it’s far away from love – yet it’s right there, in the circle of love.

Only thing – it’s circling around inside love in a way that blocks it completely from your view.

Focusing on any one thing is often said to be a great passion, and a good and necessary thing for success.

Yet, focusing in such a way that it’s all about the “having” of what you want, rather than the feeling you already “have” for what you want keeps you cycling in your own head.

Focusing on the good feeling of Desire, and letting it lead you into more and more great feelings of Desire (yes, regardless of whether or not you ever “get” the thing you want) – lets you see and feel everything in the circle of love as you travel through.

In a sense, the Desire either leads you to a never ending pursuit of what you think you want – or it leads you to a place much better, a much better “strategy” for you to actualy have what you want.

In the case of every woman I’ve ever met, and me, too, what is wanted is love. to feel it inside us, to feel it coming from others, from a man.

That’s it.

The rush we feel from chemistry with a particular man isn’t that core WANT for love.

It’s a juice, a great feeling, something we want again and again.

Something we can easily get addicted to, and then begin to show all the symptoms of a true addiction.

This line is the biggest clue to what’s going on: We ended up sleeping together that night but no sex he just held me….

And this one is a close second:  He then told me that I was right and he made changes in his life including giving up drinking, got himself in good shape, was healthy and had met someone and was NOW IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.

I am so happy that you’ve stopped contacting him after your lovely, long letter with the romantic scheduled meeting proposal.

Here is the core of everything in your thinking: You are concerned with the result.

You are concerned with “strategy” – which never, ever works.

You are not answering his text because your brain is telling you it’s not a good strategic move – while everything inside you (and inside me!) would say to, “of course, answer his text!!!!”

Here’s what I would text him back:

No words at all. Just an emoji. A heart perhaps. That’s it.

Then, see what he texts back.

Now, can you feel how this would feel so less stressful, because, instead of laying out a path for him, organizing how you’d like this to go, planning and strategizing from your masculine energy – you’re simply responding to him?

In the moment.

You have no idea why he wants to meet.

He could mean anything.

Because of what he’s written before, however, about his committed relationship, and not being in love with you – I doubt he would be saying anything that would feel good to you…

It all sounds like “bait” to me. He answers your letter in a vague way, and then sets you in motion.

Don’t fall for it. Don’t get reeled in.

Just respond.

Let him do the talking.

Shifting from our masculine energy into our feminine is huge.

It feels like a sea shift – like your entire self has bbeen re-aligned.

And – it is that momentous.

Instead of working at getting stuff you want, you simply let things happen.

You give up complete control.

I believe my Puppetmaster video series would be helpful for you, here on the blog->

Giving up control feels awful at first.  Just awful.

It’s like letting everything you want slip through your hands.

And it’s the only way to allow true love to enter your life.

My biggest advice for you is to continue to date. Circular Date. For me, it is the ultimate healing Tool.

Circular Dating has to be done properly in order to work as a therapy and it IS therapy!

When you talk to another man, or sit opposite him over coffee – and you feel yourself sliding into depression, sadness and regret – it doesn’t mean you aren’t “ready” to date!

It only means you’re not using the Modern Siren Tools to help yourself!

You must discover what it feels like to be curious about someone, and to also feel sad and weird at the same time.

You must discover what it feels like to feel both good and bad at the same time.

To want to move forward and meet and get to know someone else – even while you feel stuck and just want to go back to where you once were.

This is all, yes, hard.

It’s emotionally challenging.

And yet – it brings you back to life!

Dan has to figure all this out for himself, and right now, his figuring doesn’t seem to include you. Yet, he texted you back.

Text him back a fairly neutral emoji – and let us know what he says back! Let him do the talking – you do Circular Dating.

And – to really get help moving forward, you’ll absolutely want to get coaching from Siren Circle coaches.  It’s affordable so you can have a great coach with you nearly 24/7 for months and months – what many coaches charge thousands for, you can get in the Siren Circle Private Coaching program for hundreds.

Just go here and get coached by a Rori Raye coach who uses the Rori Raye Method of Coaching, and will understand your situation and help you solve it->

Love, Rori

 

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