When He’s Not Initiating Anything – Try This, From Coach Judith Simons

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I received this letter from Linda,  and sent it right away to Rori Raye coach Judith Simons, knowing she’d totally understand what Linda is going through, and come up with some great solutions for her. Here’s Judith’s response:

The Question:

“Rori, I am writing because since quarantine, I’m struggling with my relationship. My boyfriend and I do not live together but have been together for 2.5 years.

He lives close by but not with me because when he’s at work he is away and when he is not he is at home and I work from home. In small houses that would mean I would do something to him 😉

Anyway, he does not have work at all because he cannot travel. I do still work.

Where we live, we are allowed to go out and do things such as walking/cycling still, as long as we keep 1,5 meters distance.

I want my partner to come with ideas of things to do, when I am off work. A nice hiking trail, a few cute towns to cycle to. Pick me up for lunch byo somewhere  (the weather has been nice), surprise me with my favorite food, arrange zoom dates with friends.

But he does nothing! He goes for a daily run and besides that he watches netflix and the news.

I know he is a bit down cause of the Corona situation, but come on! DO something!

I know I should not do, but be, but I find it so extremely difficult.

He will just stay home if I don’t arrange anything.

I might know the answer already, but should I really do nothing!?

That might mean I won’t see anyone at all atm.

Sorry for the long text, you can probably read my frustration…

Thanks for your book and emails, they help me a lot!

Best regards,


Judith’s Answer:

Hi Linda, Thank you for sending your email and I hear your frustration!

This is an interesting time for all of us. Most of us feel in one way or another designated on the few possibilities we have during this period of Covid-19.

The idea of not being able to go where you want to go – do the things you want to do and be with the people you want to be – can make you feel stuck and alone. I get that and especially when the significant man in your life is not bringing you there either!

What I understand from your email is that you are already greatly aware that trying to get your man to do things will never work.

I remember when I was in a relationship with a man that didn’t initiate things. It felt hard to be dependent on whether he wanted to do something or not.

So – without giving you any advice because I don’t know your personal story – I know that inspiring your man is the way to go here.

Just like you, I found out that I didn’t want to make him do something – but what then?

What I like to do is creating new possibilities for myself – in general, and certainly at this moment.

To get out of the feeling of ‘being stuck’ and to show him what I need in my life.

That means focusing and taking care of my own wants and needs first and opening myself up for new things that I can do to feel my energy flowing.

For example, I like to do a daily long walk in the woods to breathe in the fresh air – do some exercise and ground myself. Afterward, I feel fresh and energized.  I also have made use of the ‘lockdown’ to decluttering my home.

Letting all stuff go through my hands to feel if it still belongs in my house or is ready to give to someone else. A cleaned-up house with your favorite items gives so much space and such a powerful feeling! And the best thing – he senses that something has changed immediately!

On top of that, having clear communication towards yourself and the man is important. Even when we are together for a while our preferences change.

Sharing the feeling of a nice activity is a great start and will help a man knowing what you want. As well as getting more comfortable talking about what you both want. So – drop down in your body – feel what you feel and share that with him.

For example: “I felt so energized after a long walk today. I feel this is gonna be a weekly thing for me. It would feel so great to do this together someday. What do you think?”.

Linda, I truly believe this time helps us to remember what we want in love and life more and more and to go get the relationship you want!

If you like to get coached privately – Siren Circle is an amazing opportunity to get coached privately on the Rori Raye method for an amazing price. You’ll learn the tools and techniques from amazing coaches – so that you know what to do and say in every situation.

I would love to coach you in your native language! Here is the link to all the information about Siren Circle->  and if you have any questions – let me know!

Love, Judith

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