When It All Seems Worse Than Ever – There’s Your “Tipping Point”!

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If you identify at all with this story (I don’t know any woman, including me, who doesn’t…) it’s going to be a big “aha”:

The Question:

“Rori, four years ago, in the middle of extreme heartbreak, I considered all the skills I’d learned from you, and I believed I’d never have to feel that way again.

But I’m in the same pain now, or worse.

Worse because now I’m older, with no commitment, no family of my own, and — oh how I loathe the phrase — a ticking biological clock.

Worse because I know I did my very best with all the Tools you’ve given me, AND I STILL FAILED.

I thought I had a good grasp of the Rori Raye method.

I believed I was practicing with full intent and with an open heart.

I thought I was CDing like a rockstar.

I thought I was expressing my feelings and saying “no” in the right ways, to the right things.

I thought I was leaning back.

I firmly believed I was giving multiple men an equal chance.

I thought I could be a girlfriend, date myself, flirt with the world, welcome interactions with men, and I thought if someone better suited was meant to come along, he would, and it would be obvious, and I’d be open.

I so sincerely thought I had it right.

Yet, somehow I got hooked on this 55 year old mama’s boy, knowing UP FRONT he has NEVER been able to do relationship for more than a couple of years with any given woman.

Somehow I got to believe I was the one who would change him.

Somehow I went lovecrazy over him, fully knowing he’s the type who always has to do things the hard way.

Somehow I kept dating him even though he KEPT TELLING ME our relationship would eventually expire.

I feel so incredibly stupid, and scared, because I don’t know how I can ever trust myself again.

I thought the thrills and wonderful emotions “for now” would be worth the pain “then.”

I willingly sashayed into girlfriend territory.

I gradually backslid into a desperate, begging energy where all I want to do is grab him and hold on.

At the same time I’m disgusted and furious and feel like cutting his head off.

Super guilty for hurting HIM.

Angry at myself for letting this happen.

I ACTUALLY BELIEVED I was in my power.

I thought I was giving him time and space appropriately.

I guess in reality I was paying for pleasure with pain.


What scares me the most is I know I was practicing to the absolute best of my ability.

I was giving the best I had, not just “to him” (although that was included in what I thought of as being a good partner) but I also fully believed I was giving my all to myself in the situation I was in.

NO ONE can tell me I didn’t do EVERY tool and practice self love in ALL the forms I’m aware of, as powerfully and as often as I’m capable.

So the obvious conclusion is I still don’t have the wisdom to choose well.

My picker STILL picked a man who isn’t excited to embrace commitment.

A man who doesn’t seem determined to fit me into his life.

After everything I thought I’d learned – I’m just now waking up after having spent TWO MORE YEARS down that rabbit hole.

I followed my heart’s desire and got pain, pain, pain.

How can I trust myself now?

When do I get to heal my sick need to suffer?

Thank you in advance, Miserable”

My Answer:

Miserable – first – this is the beginning of a great new step forward – and the good stuff is just around the bend.

The part you’re missing here is: the “Fall in Love” with the part of you that still wants NO love.

That’s it.

This part of you wants: No intimacy, no commitment, complete freedom. No love.

She’s deep in your subconscious, she’s small, playing old records, patterns and memories over and over and over again – and she’s been running the show.

So: What you have now in your life with this man is what your overriding WANT is right now!

Can you make peace with that, and stop trying to turn a sows ear into a silk purse?

You feel excited around this guy, can you just have that, and Circular Date the guys who WANT you, too?

Truly, there just comes a point where you say, “I want commitment and real stuff, not this chemistry and old stuff…”

…and when you make that decision – everything changes.

You just don’t want that yet!

You want the excitement, chemistry, tingly love feeling.

A man who really wants you is clear as day.

He’s just straightforward, simple, wants you.

Wants to put a ring on it. Doesn’t seem confusing.

And you’d likely find that boring right now.

When you’re ready to give THAT man a chance (and I’m sure there are TONS of them out there!) – then you’ll see – it’ll be easy.

All the drama you’re doing around your own self is what you can soften just by Falling In Love with it all!

I love your inner drama queen – can you?

Once you make even a bit of peace with the part of you that WANTS all that pain, misery, roller-coaster riding, confusion, unpredictability in order to have the excitement, juice and drama…everything will get easier.

One day, you’ll just notice that you’re repeating the same old record over and over again.

Listening to the same tune, following the same steps, doing the same choreography, hearing the same words, saying the same words, and you’ll stop.  Full stop.

You’ll say to yourself:

“Wow, I just noticed I’m in a place I was in before, and though I swore I’d never be here again – here I am.  I must like it.  A lot. 

So, I love you, part of me that loves this crazy drama and high energy and love excitement in big letters.

And, you know – I’m in charge here, in charge of me, and though I hear you, part of me that wants and likes this, I’m not sure it’s what I want and need right now.  

I think I might want to try a different kind of experience, with an easier man who wants commitment and all that stuff, even if he’s not as exciting as this kind of man.

So – that’s what we’re going to do.

Actually, I’m beginning to feel a bit bored with this same record. 

Let’s go be available for something different.”

And – you’ll start to let a different kind of man in.

One who clearly is ready for the big commitment, the big partnership, the picket fence.

And, yes, you’ll be scared.

You might even be a bit bored (though not half as bored as you discovered you are with all the rollercoaster riding) – but mostly scared, uncomfortable, and unsure how to actually BE in a real, big partnership.

And that’s when the true adventure will happen for you!

Until then, love where you’re at, and slowly begin to trust yourself by letting men with high intentions for you – in.

You may like to join us at The Feminine Energy Workshop, here->

Love, Rori


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