When It Doesn’t Feel Good, Yet You Still Feel Connected And Pulled

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The Question:

“Rori, I’m going crazy feeling like I’m loving two separate lives within my own head.

When I first met my partner a little over three years ago I was smitten. Absolutely adored him I felt so amazing next to him. As time passed by he consistently hurt me and made me feel bad about myself.

I gained weight, I began to hold nothing but resentment and anger towards him. This went on for around 2 & 1/2 years. It’s a very long story, but we moved in together, then got engaged, and he still kept messing up… so I eventually called off the engagement and we moved out and separated.

We still believed we could work it out but now when I look at him I feel estranged, majority of the time I feel like I am the man I’m the relationship.

I never felt like this in the beginning. Some things now that bother me that never bothered me before…his looks, his height and weight. It also makes me feel even more horrible about myself because of my size and height… because it never bothered me before… but after everything we have been through I cannot help but feel extremely heavy and angry.

I don’t know if this is something that I can actually move forward from, but I’m willing to try because he has made such a noticeable difference in his behaviors and has been treating me 100 times better than he ever did. Do you think there’s anything I can do? Unhappy”

MyAnswer:

Unhappy, There’s so much going on for you here, and I’m so sorry for the pain it’s causing you.

Generally, to me, this man seems to adapt and learn – just enough to pull you in before things go back to the unhappy way they were.

Yet, it seems you have no feelings for him anymore – so – YAY!

What I’m hearing is that he’s not fooling you right now.

You can see through his “adaptations”.

You are WAY more in touch with how you FEEL when you’re with him.

Yes, it’s showing up as distaste for his physical qualities…but what I notice as most powerful is that you don’t feel like a “girl” with him!

You just don’t feel “right”!

That’s your answer, you don’t even need me for this.

Essentially, why would you ever want to try again with this man?

Yes, he’s treating you well, and perhaps your subconscious is so attuned and attracted (for so many reasons) to men who hurt you, cause emotional pain, and make you feel bad about yourself – that you’re feeling turned off (yet also bad about yourself) when he behaves WELL and lovingly to you!

If you have this suspicion, I totally see why you’d like to try with him again – just so you can see if that’s the truth – and if he really HAS changed.

I’m always all for experimenting, exploring, learning about yourself and how relationships work – but NOT in an “exclusive” way.

In other words, if you’re not sure, yet want to explore possibilities, date him – along with other men.

And trust your feelings.

Right now, there doesn’t seem to be any reason you’d WANT to be with him – other than the masculine energy sense that you would like to “save” this from being a “fail”.

I hear resentment not only towards him, but towards yourself.

This is all super common.

Intimacy and relationship are difficult and tricky, because they trigger all the deep, unhealed stuff inside us.

The Modern Siren Methods will help you learn to feel braver and better, to speak in a way that’s vulnerable, authentic and powerful, which will have a profound affect on this man – and would make dating him at all a true learning experience.

This way, you’ll never have to feel like you’ve “wasted time” on him, no matter WHAT decision you make about him – now or later.

Here are some options if you’d like to go deeper, and get some coaching support to get further into your Feminine Energy (which, it sounds to me, you’re already beginning to do!):

1. Try out The Siren School Membership with Siren Island Live Coaching for only $33/month ->

2. Come to The Feminine Energy Workshop for only $17 here->

3. Get my foundational book, Have The Relationship You Want, for $20 – here: 

Love, Rori

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