When Scary Dramas Happen Around Us

Untitled design (14)

attentionThis is such a great letter from Teri:

“I wish I had some man crack.

But man crack is just like candy: tastes good for a while, but ultimately it is dispensable and In high doses is unhealthy. A little candy once in a while is okay…

But I think I’ve hit a new low. I have no explanation for why this would happen, and I don’t feel it’s on me to strain to find a “reason.”

Yesterday, I was at the beach. I took some much-needed “me time” on a beautiful afternoon. I wished I could have been with friends, but it was just as well alone. I felt like I could have say there forever.

And it wasn’t the warmest day ever, but I took my top off, with my green bikini on and let the sun warm my skin. I was feeling so sireny, concentrating on my feelings and sensations, to let my stress melt away into the sand…

Suddenly, I open my eyes, and a man is standing there, in white t shirt & sunglasses. He says can he sit down. I say sure. I put on my shirt because I am cold. He asks if I mind if he takes his off.

I say no.

And at some point, I realize I know this guy. I’ve seen him on this beach before. And he did almost the same thing – asked if he could sit near me. Asked about my “boyfriend.” Last year, I told him I had a bf, because I was seeing someone at the time. But this time I say I have no one.

He’s asking if he can move closer. I say yes. Closer is almost a little too close, but I decide that I am going to see how it feels.

I ask him about his girlfriend. He says there is “a girl.”  I imagine a woman somewhere. And I jokingly say, “you’re married,” winking, kind of. Being playful. He looks shy, but doesn’t answer. And then, more serious, I say that I don’t want to date a man that has a girlfriend.

He’s moving even closer. Touching my arm. Kissing my hand. I have no intention of even giving this guy my number, much less go out with him. I am just enjoying myself, and I really wanted to be touched! Just generally, that is.

Then he looks out across the sand. Suddenly, he jumps up. “My wife!” And he runs over. Not just his wife. His wife and a small daughter. He actually wandered away from them and came and hit on me.

I am so bewildered and dumbfounded, that I just sit and watch as the woman strides over to me. Honestly, I just really wanted to know if she was his wife or what. Then she starts calling me a bitch and what am I trying to do with her husband. I get up and explain that it was him. He came over. I literally did nothing (siren skills handy ; ) Not only that, but I am totally uninterested in a married man.

Now she is just yelling at him. Their poor little daughter is sitting in the sand, I am sure confused out of her mind. Or maybe she’s seen this so much, it seems normal. The couple walk off, she is still yelling, “b*tch! B*itch!”

I am shaken, but feel unharmed. And I just pack my things up as quickly as I can and get out of there. It was a good time to leave the beach. Talk about a siren episode gone awry…whew! But I made it through.

And I was glad it all came out. Wow, that was weird. Very surreal….

From Rori:

Teri – Thank you so much for this story!

I remember in my life when weird stuff would happen.

I have no answer for you about the “why” of this…only that you handled it terrifically – and this is when you have to agree with yourself to keep your heart open 100% of the time, no matter what.

I almost feel we find ourselves in “test” situations where some of our old selves are trying to scare us into going backwards and “protecting” ourselves….and we just have to keep saying to all the parts of ourselves:

“I’m an adventurer, a discoverer of me, and keeping myself defenseless and open is the way to go….so let’s all stay together here, and we will all be safe together, because I am a safe place.”

Love, Rori

Posted in

943 Comments

  1.  #1Sirenity on August 13, 2012 at 6:55 am

    What a great story..I love how she held space for him to approach ..I felt scared reading it that maybe he would harm her in some way..

    Brave Open Hearted..Siren



  2.  #2Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Thanks for a great article



  3.  #3Sirenity on August 13, 2012 at 6:58 am

    I am sure I feel scared and close down sometimes when men approach forcefully..

    A separated man apporached me tonight and I said I was looking for someone who wanted a relationship and had gone through the divorce already..was this fear? was this reasable?

    He seemed so lovely but I stuck to my “boundary”about not dating married men.



  4.  #4Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 7:03 am

    Another reminder that using the tools really work.



  5.  #5Tereana on August 13, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Whoa! My story made it into a post! lol Thanks, Rori! That was a crazy experience…



  6.  #6Tereana on August 13, 2012 at 7:52 am

    It’s Monday morning, and usually I feel up and ready to go on Mondays, and today, I just don’t know what to do with myself. I need to write to get centered sometimes.

    The main thing I felt when I woke up this morning was missing him – the Sweet Young Guy. I missed him on Saturday, I missed him yesterday, and I miss him today. I feel bad about how things went last week. Like maybe I overreacted. But that actually wasn’t the problem. The problem is him “pulling back” instead of coming forward toward me.

    there are thoughts on my mind that I want to communicate. I am practicing dropping them into my pelvis, and letting them be heavy in my body. Just feeling the weight of my heart, and the soft, velvety texture of what “missing him” is like. It is almost sweet, and a little bit warm. Kind of spicy, like cinnamon. So maybe it’s not a “bad” thing. Maybe it just means that I like him enough to miss him. But I don’t love him. I checked on that. My heart said no. lol. It’s too soon, and anyway, I just don’t. But he’s a nice guy. And very likeable.

    He didn’t call last night, which was almost as expected. But it doesn’t perturb me. I wasn’t “waiting” for him to call. Actually my phone battery died while my friend was visiting, and I didn’t even notice. Later on, another CD wanted to skype with me, but I was too tired.

    I guess what I can do is just recognize that I kind of like this guy, think about what I like, focus on the good stuff, and then do nothing about it. It’s not my turn to write or call. Relationship is dialogue. He has to have a part in it, too, if he’s going to be there at all. And anyway, I can kind of admire his choice to “slow it down.” As all the male relationship experts tell us – I’m thinking of CCarter, as well as others – Men have a slower relationship “timeline.” And CCarter talks about the different “tracks.” The sex “track” is different and way faster than the relationship “track.” So if I guy wants sex, he’ll move in fast to get what he wants, if he doesn’t also want a relationship. But this guy is actually slowing it down. He *could* have had sex with me last weekend (I’m not sure if he knows that or not). But he passed that up to take time for himself.

    I’m not entirely sure that that means “I’m not important.” I already know that he likes me a lot. And I don’t want to read too much into this. Maybe there is nothing to “read.” But if he is not making fast moves to get me into bed right now, and he wants to “get to know me” more – than that sounds like it could be more of a “relationship” track thing than just sex. And honestly, I’m just not used to this. So maybe that’s why it feels weird. But I guess I have to (get to) slow down and watch what happens here, too. I don’t know that he’s the guy for me. He just seems like a nice, Sweet Young Guy.

    And if I can forget about contacting him, or “doing” anything, maybe I can make space for him to come toward me…



  7.  #7Starla on August 13, 2012 at 8:08 am

    What’s different about the blog?



  8.  #8Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Tereana regarding thoughts on your mind, in Reconnect Rori share another tool about handling thoughts. She says to think of them as a tangled ball of energy/string wanting to get out into the world and just imagining them floating out of you. I have just started practing this one.



  9.  #9April Rose on August 13, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I think the page reloads faster. Hurray!



  10.  #10Emoticon on August 13, 2012 at 8:36 am

    “I’m an adventurer, a discoverer of me, and keeping myself defenseless and open is the way to go….so let’s all stay together here, and we will all be safe together, because I am a safe place.”



  11.  #11MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 9:58 am

    dancing siren

    From previous thread (maybe 188 if memory serves?)

    Helping and supporting him is ok as long as you are ok with the idea that you may never be romantically involved with him again.

    I let ex husband move back into my home, into the spare room when he lost his job. My mortgage is covered by tennants so he did not have to pay us (myself and my brother). He stayed approx 2 months.

    That time was wonderfully healing for me. However, I did not want to be romantically involved with him again.

    Only you know what is right. If you choose to support him do not use it as a time to attempt any luring. Use it as a time to learn forgiveness and moving on. There may only be pain if you attach hopes to him.



  12.  #12MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Flasback memories of ex husband walking into my bedroom un-announced at night…There I was in bed (clothed i might add) with ex dater Ryan. Hehe Giggly memories 🙂

    Ex husband looked like he had walked into a brick wall and just stood there.

    I said

    “what can I do for you?”

    and he just bust out laughing and closed the door.

    Omg too funny.



  13.  #13MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Transfer over from other thread in Re to tam…

    “yes tam!

    For me it is so important to separate thoughts from feelings. Very important!!!! It is less so, but also important for me to separate wants, needs, and desires from feelings.

    I think I talked about this before…I do this…

    I think ____ the thought makes me feel ____

    and

    I want ____ thinking about making that happen feels ___

    And so on.

    It feels very stressful to come at it like this…

    I feel a need for _____

    I feel like I want to do ____”

    This is very important to me. With all the thoughts and feelings being thrown around about thoughts and feelings…

    This is my approach. And how I use feeling tools.



  14.  #14Iamabutterfly on August 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

    I am a safe place.



  15.  #15April Rose on August 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

    I am still living with a man, WM, who was my partner for 3 years. I think he was committed and faithful, but I felt so out in the cold. I craved special time together as a couple, but he seemed not to want any. That felt awful.

    When I started dating other men (after finding Rori) he kicked up a fuss and got angry at me. I said I needed attention and affection and to feel special in a man’s life. He didn’t change his behaviour other than asking me out once or twice (he rarely took me anywhere).

    I have continued to date. And it feels so difficult living with WM still. I feel so much resentment. I know it is also a chance to heal something. I will remember to appreciate something about him. I will intend to forgive him. I will practice staying open and warm when all my inner voices are screaming at me to shut down and shut him out.

    Aaagh, I hate him, I want to shut him out, I want to get away from him. I’m convinced he is punishing me by doing things in the house that upset me.

    How can I heal this?

    I feel so sad it didn’t work. And I fear it is too late for repair.

    🙁



  16.  #16Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Maria – As long as you’re living with him because you can’t take care of yourself financially – you’ll never feel strong enough to shift your “vibe” – please, please focus ALL your energy on bringing in some money so you can regain your confidence. Spend as much time as you can away from the house doing things that feel important to you – walking, reading, studying, going to classes, trying to get work. Set up an office or space for yourself somewhere in the house, and stay THERE or get out of the house entirely when he’s creating space for himself. Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener. I’m not asking you to ignore him – I’m asking you to focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent. Even if you have to take a menial part-time job – do it. Love, Rori



  17.  #17Iamabutterfly on August 13, 2012 at 11:53 am

    I can’t stop thinking about this post. It makes me feel queesy in my stomach. I’ve been approached like this before on the beach, but not by a married man.

    What I feel fascinated by is the wife. How she jumps right into blaming Teri, whom she doesn’t know, rather than her husband, whom she DOES know. (Not that blaming is the answer)

    “Now she is just yelling at him.” Feels reactive. It feels shaky to me.

    Like he’s done this with other women.

    Like she feels neglected by him, unworthy of him.

    Like she feels desperate to communicate how deeply this hurts her, how she feels second best, how she feels not good enough.

    (evidenced by the fact that she stays with this man, even though he goes up to random women for the physical touch and companionship he craves.)

    This makes me feel sad for this woman (wife?) who is with this man.

    That she doesn’t love herself.
    That she feels so threaten by a random woman just sitting there.
    That she accuses the woman just sitting there, even though the woman just sitting there did absolutely nothing wrong, and had no way of knowing that this man who’s company she was enjoying was married? with a daughter.



  18.  #18Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Miss Stix,

    Re 11,

    Thank You.

    And as I read your post I realised No, I am NOT ok with never wanting anything romantic with him again!

    I would like that one day IF it is possible, which depends a lot on what he does now.

    And I suppose what I do too.

    So bearing this in mind, that I would like it if romance could be a possibility, does that mean I should not help and support him at this time?



  19.  #19Iamabutterfly on August 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    I feel sad for the daughter. Will she remember this particular incident? Will there be many others like it? How will her “dad” treat her? What will she learn about men from this experience? What will she learn about women? What will she learn about herself?

    Will she go through life feeling sorry for her mother, feeling unworthy like her mother?

    Will she expect men to treat her the way her dad treats her mother? Sneaking away to find solace in the company of another woman the moment he finds the opportunity to run?



  20.  #20Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    He still talks about me as his future wife, but he also talks to me a lot about his addiction when he gets in touch, cus he says, I am the only one who really knows the full extent of it…

    Although he is now attending AA.



  21.  #21Iamabutterfly on August 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I feel really angry. I feel really sad. I have been that woman just sitting there. It makes me feel angry and sad. Like, his “needs” for affirmation and the company of another woman are more important than the way the woman he is with feels?

    It feels selfish.

    The woman in the relationship probably is not giving him those things; warm acceptance, calm “being.”

    I don’t care! He has no right! What a sleaze! How would he like it if she just starting touching some random beach god with a bronze body and muscles, glistening in the sun with his tanning oil? While he was left tending to the daughter, feeling emasculated, feeling not good enough?

    This is in direct opposition of the golden rule. I feel so angry! I usually don’t feel so angry about things that aren’t “personally” affecting me, but I do feel angry about this, because somehow it does feel personal.



  22.  #22Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    “I want…. pizza and thinking about that happening feels, exciting, warming,

    I sometimes feel really invested once i want something if i don’t get it…

    i can really shut down and get upset and even blaming

    and in a way, it’s important to me…

    if i want pizza, i want to get pizza, not NOT get pizza

    i kinda require a man try to get me everything i want on a date

    im feeling confused about this



  23.  #23April Rose on August 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    When will I be cared for in a consistent way by a man?

    Do I not care consistently enough for myself?
    Hmmm. Yes, feels a bit sporadic.

    I notice I want to eat fresh vegetables, and that it has been some days since I have cooked those for myself.



  24.  #24Radlove on August 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Miss Bells,

    This is for you, in case you are not subscribed to this thread:

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/

    See comment 3096:

    Maria – As long as you’re living with him because you can’t take care of yourself financially – you’ll never feel strong enough to shift your “vibe” – please, please focus ALL your energy on bringing in some money so you can regain your confidence. Spend as much time as you can away from the house doing things that feel important to you – walking, reading, studying, going to classes, trying to get work. Set up an office or space for yourself somewhere in the house, and stay THERE or get out of the house entirely when he’s creating space for himself. Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener. I’m not asking you to ignore him – I’m asking you to focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent. Even if you have to take a menial part-time job – do it. Love, Rori



  25.  #25Radlove on August 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    FW,

    16 – Ah, I see you already posted the comment I just left for Miss Bells. Cool.



  26.  #26bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    digging around gently for something… a little “grasping” like the unfolding and strengthening of ivy tendrils…. the bed in the forest with the canopy hanging down… “i’m just checking on you” – that’s my dream



  27.  #27bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    my heart feels shaky & a bit “wounded” – feels like a caged animal. scared. my ribs are shaking around it – SHAKE THE BARS OF THE CAGE



  28.  #28April Rose on August 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Daria,

    Having strong wants – it’s good to know what you want.

    When does it become obsessive? – *needing* to have the thing? Have you checked for hints of desperation?
    Is there a manipulation to get the thing you want? Or simple, outright assertive requests?

    I feel confused too. I feel embarrassed about asking a man when I want something. I feel I give over control to him. He then has the power to grant me or deny me…



  29.  #29bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    i love my hesitation & i love my enthusiasm… i love my “urgency” & i love my questions… cold radiation around me like i’m freezing myself… quick jolt-y movements, spasmodic & alien… “i’ve never done this before”



  30.  #30MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    dancing siren

    Good question!!

    I am thinking very very hard on this one because it is important…

    My situation was so unique. I know it doesn’t apply to and wouldn’t work for everyone. It was my choice to ask him to leave initially. It was my choice to offer him the spare room and it was my home (not ours) but mine and my brother’s. So I definitely had a lot of control and I knew it was ok for me. I truely knew I did not want him back. I had lots of time without him between him moving out and moving back in.

    I don’t know what is really right for you. In my mind I put myself in your shoes and I think “you would support him by taking care of yourself first. you would be honest with him that it’s hard for you to support him when you have hope for romance. you would tell him you will always be there if he really and truely needs you, but you can’t be a rock right now. you need your own time to heal first. that feels calm and safe. it feels right and strong.”



  31.  #31bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    tummy grumbling down, putting roots in – breath like, no ! stay “high” !



  32.  #32Iamabutterfly on August 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I feel really angry and sad. I feel confused about “needs” and “desires.” I feel curious, what’s the difference? Sometimes, we can only afford the spaghetti, when we want the pizza. We have food. Gratitude for what we DO have feels important. I don’t know why I feel so irritated!

    I feel guilty for “wanting” things I don’t “need.”

    I feel judgmental of people (including myself) who insist on wants when they are not needs.

    I keep thinking of people who live in third world countries, whose children are happy using sticks for toys, whose people are as thankful for plain bread as we are for gourmet triple chocolate pie.

    They feel thrilled for these things.

    How can I feel thrilled for simple things I’m given by men?



  33.  #33Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Francesca – i feel pist receiving judgements instead of feeling messages

    it felt bad

    i don’t want to be addressed that way or projected upon

    it feels gross and like i got barfed on

    I feel really strongly about the power of Rori’s tools, especially feeling messages. Sometimes I see people not practicing them for a REALLY long time, and continuing to stay stuck… and that feels SO FRUSTRATING TO ME

    I feel really unseen for my intent which is that all Sirens are really getting the support for using the tools… and that feels like my tummy is dropping and i feel furious

    sometimes the support is in saying how bad it feels to witness someone not using the tools,

    or how awful it feels to receive judgemetns and thoughts instead of authentic feelings

    Yes, using feeling messages all the time is the tools, and the required type of communication – by Rori – on the blog

    i feel pist off that ist not followed, as it leads sometimes to me feeling awful… like now

    and others … if you reread my comments, you will see that the ones that feel bad were NOT feeling messages – they were times when i deviated from the script. I apologized.

    Im feeling pist

    i dont want to be available to be blamed here



  34.  #34Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    BW – my last comment did not go through last nite… i had said that I feel pist being asked to ‘please do something’ … it doesnt feel good to me and i felt like retracting and closing off

    It’d feel better to not be spoken to that way



  35.  #35bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    tiny bit “genius” & a little fog like arrogance or confidence – “i’m the best!” “i’m a bxdxss!” smile-y girl. sassy head. hands dry like poetry from art class. the rough soap. lather up with rocky brush cleaner. a boy in 7th grade washing acrylic paints off my hands… so much love. feet bathing. foot rub. oil. the hair of mary magdelene. hm



  36.  #36Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    i have this concept that people who are not actively practicing the tools on blog are dragging me and the others down

    i certainly feel dragged down reading those kinds of comments most of the time

    sometimes i feel intensely stimulated reading them

    i wonder what this showed up for me to heal?



  37.  #37bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    dubious. like “well, it’s going to rain soon & then the whole day will be done for”



  38.  #38LoveAlways on August 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Wow! that was a powerful encounter. I feel scared reading it. Horrible position to be put in.



  39.  #39Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    this type of feeling in my body w these thoughts has me feeling closed off

    and pist

    and very defensive

    i feel FURIOUS

    i dont want to be attacked and demonized … especially publicly!

    and my HEART JUST DROPS!!! when i see other women then say something to the effect

    yeah, thats true, we don’t really have to practice feeling messages, or Rori’s tools, they aren’t really necessary are they

    and im like NOOOOOOOO

    so disappointed

    and desperate

    this feels personal, related to my family

    i would like to heal this



  40.  #40bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    i swallow up the “other” part – “eating the shadow” that’s bly. ick makes me feel sick. ouch tummy pangs ouch like bloated around a swallowed blade… pirate ships to save the whales… hmmm…..



  41.  #41Tam on August 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Daria, why do you have the need to control everything and everyone on this blog?
    It is also judgmental and defensive what you write, as well as trying to take control.
    Is this how you generally conduct yourself, with men also? Maybe worth looking into.



  42.  #42bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    “happiness runs in a circular motion. love is like a little boat upon the sea. everything is a part of everything anyway. you can be a part if you set yourself free! happiness runs, happiness runs, happiness runs, happiness runs!” heart running pitter patter brilliant across the fields, tears its clothes off & jumps the fence



  43.  #43bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    humans, there is no “hierarchy”

    you’ve never been better, you never will be better, you never can be better “than” – the “than” implies a separation that does not exist. happiness runs. spontaneous combustion. spooky action at a distance. try to escape my energetic tendrils

    spider web ? brush the – sticky – threads – caught in my hair……. i’m the spider. i’m the fly. CAUGHT YOU.



  44.  #44Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I feel really desperate reading advice about not using the words “i feel”

    Rori insists upon this, using the “feel” word, yes in every communication… and i feel triggered reading advice not to do so

    I feel sad thinking that i may never have gotten to feel anything if I ddin’t use the words “I feel…”

    “I feel…” stimulates me to get in touch with my feelings!

    if i don’t have a feeling… that’s when i’ve noticed it feels like a miraculous new babystep when i take a pause and DO find a feeling

    this is key rori work! i feel so sad and uncomfortable that there’s no consensus to practice this here, on this blog dedicated to practicing that… 🙁

    sigh

    i feel sad and frustrated

    i feel afraid of the ATTACKS IM CONVINCED ARE COMING!

    🙁

    this SUX

    i want to heal this pattern



  45.  #45Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Tam – “Daria, why do you have the need to control everything and everyone on this blog?”

    I feel like im getting punched reading this question. I don’t want to be assumed about or asked leading, attacking questions.

    I’d feel better to be addressed in the required ‘safe’ format of the blog… feeling messages and don’t wants.

    I’m feeling LIKE IM BEING BEATEN UP BEING ADDRESSED THIS WAY… and

    I don’t want being treated that way!



  46.  #46bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    like performing detail work on an old carving. i’m just trying to see what i look like. without seeing the “break” & saying “ha ! broken !” … just, brushing the dust from the contours… rubbing out a little smoothness on the curve… a little shine. is that a little paint ? hmm i wonder where else this has been



  47.  #47Smile on August 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Daria re 22

    I feel the same. Now I want pizza lol!

    One day I wanted Brie and cranberry on a baguette for my lunch. I had to search restaurants on holiday to find this otherwise I would have felt unsatisfied. when I have a specific thought on what I want I can feel it take over my mind like I feel like I’m in a tunnel heading straight towards what I want.

    I notice this behaviour in myself in other areas of my life that I want to heal. For example with decorating, if I have an idea of how I want something to look or to choose a specific colour paint, I don’t feel happy or satisfied unless I want to get my own way.

    I wonder how I can heal this?



  48.  #48ALA on August 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    I feel at peace today… calm and cool. Waking up not thinking about any one man specifically. Noticing my life is changing for the better.

    I felt a little envious of T in the article. I have mostly felt fear when approached by an anonymous man.

    “I’m an adventurer, a discoverer of me, and keeping myself defenseless and open is the way to go…”

    This is what I needed to hear today.

    I changed my name… this is “AllLoveAlways” because I noticed it was very similar to “Love Always” and I originally wanted ALA anyways but felt it might be misunderstood as something religious. Not my intention! Hope that makes sense.



  49.  #49Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    🙁

    UGH!

    I feel hateful!

    I feel so unseen

    I want to feel ADORED AND APPRECIATED

    I want to feel SEEN FOR HOW MUCH I CARE

    I want to feel APPRECIATED for supporting everyone to use the tools and heal their lives, rather than being stuck

    I want to feel appreciated for not tolerating being treated badly

    I want to feel SAFE on the blog

    I feel guilty that I used non safe format last nite

    UGH

    I feel pist at myself

    I feel like beating myself up



  50.  #50MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    daria

    Our comments got deleted last night. I don’t know if you saw my response to you.

    Remember how you felt about being responsible for other peoples feelings? It felt ick to you.

    Placing responsibility on others for dragging you and the blog down feels pretty gross to me.

    Learning what’s right and wrong for all of us individually IS practicing rori’s tools.

    Even if we feel resticted by tools as rules. Expressing feelings of restriction IS using the tools.

    None of us want to feel stifled or restricted on this blog. Aggressive FM’s can feel sickening. Feels like arrrgh like a rumbling in the chest and a tightening of the throat. It looks like blame and it feels like pressure. It doesn’t look like support and it doesn’t feel free.



  51.  #51Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I feel undeserving of being spoken to non-blamingly, since I used blaming language earlier

    i wonder if that’s what this showed up to heal?

    forgiving myself?

    im feeling hounded and like im raising my arm to protect myself while I fell in a corner

    I feel like i have people ganging up and attacking me, asking with please, blaming and shaming me for expressing myself, for having my own feelings

    i want to heal this

    this really does remind me of my family



  52.  #52Smile on August 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I’ve just been for a swim, I feel weak and weary and drained.

    I wanted to feel energised.

    My body is longing for food even though I’ve eaten.

    I appreciate nice food.



  53.  #53AllLoveAlways on August 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I feel at peace today… calm and cool. Waking up not thinking about any one man specifically. Noticing my life is changing for the better.

    I felt a little envious of T in the article. I have mostly felt fear when approached by an anonymous man.

    “I’m an adventurer, a discoverer of me, and keeping myself defenseless and open is the way to go…”

    This is what I needed to hear today.

    My other post is in moderation because I changed my name to just the initials “ALA” I noticed it was very similar to “Love Always” and I originally wanted ALA anyways.

    Much Love and blessings to all the Sirens on this day!



  54.  #54Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Miss Stix – I feel unseen and defensive…

    I don’t want to be told that I’m “placing responsibility on others” — or any other assumptions about me —–

    That feels really infuriating and IM REALLY JUST FREAKIN THAT PIST ABOUT THIS IN MY LIFE

    NO!

    I DO NOT WANT to be projected upon

    That doesn’t feel good

    I’d feel better to be spoken to in the ‘safe’ blog format.. feeling messages and don’t wants.

    That feels SAFE.

    Thoughts and projections and assumpitons about my intent feel like my soul is not seen and not loved



  55.  #55bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    womp womp thudding techno beats. mmmm heavy bass from inside me. the floor of the rainforest moves during a storm. i can hear the earth rise up as my foot lifts up – gently, it catches my next step & holds me low within itself, a loving mother



  56.  #56Daria on August 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    This is not anybody’s fault

    i feel convinced this is happenign to help me heal



  57.  #57Smile on August 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Miss stix from previous thread

    I’m feeling more comfortable with saying the word feel when I speak and text. When I first came to the blog I remember it took a while to translate into feeling messages. I wonder if people reading my texts pick up on me using the word feel now or not?

    I remember reading somewhere that a lady had used the word feel in a conversation about 50 times and her husband never batted an eye lid on the overuse of the word feel.



  58.  #58bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    mmmm i want to yell & scream & i feel painted nxked & alive



  59.  #59Tam on August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Daria, I feel it’s ok to ask you a question even if it does not include the word ‘feel’.
    I feel you are trying to control the blog.

    Does that feel better?



  60.  #60AllLoveAlways on August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I feel that I have a better understanding of both Daria and BW now. Feeling no judgement towards either of you. Sometimes chaos, disagreements and such are the catalyst for change and understanding. Bringing us closer to our trues selves.



  61.  #61Daria on August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    i feel worried about how im coming across

    i don’t want to be understood as saying “i have a concept that people not practicing the tools are dragging me and others down” as meaning… that it is true

    it’s not true

    it’s a concept i had that i noticed

    it’s not true

    im giving myself permission to shift this belief now

    yay!

    that feels freeing!

    wooo hooo

    that feels way uplifting

    so it’s just practice expressing myself, which im doing

    yay me 🙂

    wooooooooo 🙂

    heheh i feel giggly



  62.  #62Iamabutterfly on August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I feel ignored. and I feel confused. who is not using feeling messages?

    Bloom-ing isn’t using many…but I feel things when she posts. I feel sensations. I feel rumbles and sounds and emotions.



  63.  #63Tam on August 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Nobody attacks you, we are just responding to you berating people for expressing tgemselves in a language that feels good for them. Even if it might not have your approval. Do we need your approval to post here? What do you think?!



  64.  #64Smile on August 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I’m remembering a few times when I’ve wanted to gety own way. Like the time when I wanted to take the beach path but strummingman wanted to drive. I gave in, in the end but felt peed at not getting my own way. This is a repeating pattern for me.

    I want to be able to compromise.

    I feel curious to know how other sirens deal with comprise and wanting/not getting the way that would make the feel satisfied?



  65.  #65bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    scritch scratch i pick apart my wounds. what is it ? healing them comes after i feel i understand. i love to hear another woman yell out in anger, YES, it’s FRUSTRATING. i feel that…. i’m trying to stay still & get taller, but the wind takes me down & down & down over & over again – up i rise, down i fall & maybe i feel i’m “not moving” but the beach washes away & i’m adrift



  66.  #66Smile on August 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Control doesn’t feel good to me anymore. I didn’t realise I was being controlling in my relationships. I feel thankful I’m aware of this now.



  67.  #67MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    I make no assumptions about you.

    I project nothing upon you.

    I feel attacked.

    I feel stifled.

    Thoughts of a big green monster “I WANT I WANT I WANT”

    I feel small.

    I don’t want to read “…bringing me and this entire blog down”

    I don’t want to read blame and judgement unless it is benign and directed at no one.

    If I want to feel things I exercise ways of feeling those things. I don’t want to place responsibility on others. I don’t want to SEE others placing responsibility on others. I feel trembly and coiled up when I see this.

    I feel like defending people. I want to make others see they are only responsible for their own self.

    I feel dragged down.

    I don’t want to be here right now. I am taking myself away from here to a less aggressive atmosphere.



  68.  #68Daria on August 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Tam – “Daria, I feel it’s ok to ask you a question even if it does not include the word ‘feel’.
    I feel you are trying to control the blog.

    Does that feel better?”

    I feel a bit softened…

    I feel open to share something that may help some Sirens who don’t have all the programs.

    In Reconnect your Relationship Rori talks about what Feeling Messages are… not just about using the word feel… but actually expressing a feeling …

    when the word “that” comes after “feel” that is not a genuine feeling. it’s a thought.

    example:

    “Daria, I feel it’s ok to ask you a question even if it does not include the word ‘feel’.” ===>

    Is actually

    Daria, I THINK it’s ok to ask you a question…

    it’s a thought in disguise!

    This felt so POWERFUL for me when i first got it.

    Similarly:

    “I feel you are trying to control the blog.”

    is really

    “I THINK you are trying to control the blog”

    .

    This makes such a huge difference with connection and being heard without defensiveness.

    FEELINGS are just that, glad sad mad happy and versions of that, even feeling like a big spider with a broken leg

    In this case, a feeling message translation – totally guessing as I don’t know your feelings – might be:

    “”Daria, I feel it’s ok to ask you a question even if it does not include the word ‘feel’.

    Daria – I feel mad and I don’t want to stop asking you questions without the word feel.

    ‘I feel you are trying to control the blog.’

    I feel angry thinking someone is trying to control the blog.

    I’d feel JUICED that this helps someone!

    Gotta go!

    FEeling a lot better!

    Thanks for being here ladies.



  69.  #69Francesca on August 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    I don’t feel it’s necessary to be told what to do by someone I don’t even know.

    Thank you.



  70.  #70bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    clouds ripping apart in my chest & throat. shock of lightening. boom of thunder. no rain – – – sunlight – “thin” or “watery”…. brights the fog up as it sifts down among the hills & dry brush.

    the sensation of “waiting” – anticipation, potential energy to kinetic – kick kick BOOM

    displaced electrons spinning in the air, lost particles, ionization makes the world sparkle like fairy dust



  71.  #71Francesca on August 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Tam @41

    “Daria, why do you have the need to control everything and everyone on this blog?
    It is also judgmental and defensive what you write, as well as trying to take control.
    Is this how you generally conduct yourself, with men also? Maybe worth looking into.”

    Daria enjoys telling everybody what to do and say but when someone else tells her they don’t enjoy being told what to do, she tells that person not to tell her what to do or say.

    Major case of mirroring here…



  72.  #72bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    feels like babies kicking in my womb. i feel warm like an infinite mother. i feel small & held like an infant.



  73.  #73Jessie1000 on August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Lol its important to use feeling messages but i think its also good to be quiet sometimes too.

    Sometimes it takes more strength to not just say anything u think whether its a feeling or not.

    Who says anyone has to speak in the heart of emotion



  74.  #74Calypso on August 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    I still feel lovely from my night with GM. I feel warm, cozy, sensual, content.

    I’m like a purring cat today.

    GM sent me a text picture of some puppies this morning – no words, just the pic of puppies, He knows how much I love dogs and so does he. I responded with “Awwww…. So sweet!” and left it at that.

    I keep thinking of things I want to say to him, but I’m not going to contact him. I’m going to bask in the glow and leave him alone – hopefully he is doing the same.

    meanwhile – a man I met through some frinds a couple of weeks ago texted me yesterday and asked me out. We don’t have plans yet, he was just fishing to see if I would like to go out. He made a huge deal of letting me know he is not looking for a relationship right now, which is perfect, because neither am I – unless it is with GM. I can CD with this man and lean back from GM. I’d sure rather curl up next to him tho ~ all 6’6″ of hard lean muscle – Hmmmmmm….

    That feels yummy :-0



  75.  #75Tam on August 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    I feel amused by Darias justifications for Trying to control everyone, as they are actually pretty clever. But it’s still controlling.



  76.  #76Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Umm hello.

    I feel confused and a little uncomfortable about everything happening on the blog right now.



  77.  #77Tam on August 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    She’s made a good point regarding feeling messages but it makes it even more clear to me that feeling messages can nit be spewed out just ‘because’, we need to have the feeling first. And I want to be able to not just post my feelings here but also get advice and help to deal with thoughts,



  78.  #78Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Ok, well I have my first CD.

    Really not sure what I think of him.

    But I am reserving judgement.

    He is a little different from anyone I have dated before.

    And he doesn’t drink or do any kind of drugs. Never has.

    He asked me if he has the green light to ‘work on’ setting up a date!

    Lol.

    I have never been asked such a thing before.



  79.  #79Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    When I say first, I mean 1st this time around after being exclusive with S.



  80.  #80Tam on August 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Dancing Siren, good news!



  81.  #81Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Daria I don’t believe you are controlling. I have seen Rori mention a list of coaches in previous threads that people can turn to for assistance. I have seen her refer to you on several of those occasions so I see what you are doing as an attempt to help people succeed in being feminine. You sharing you feel pissed can be seen as how the masculine could possibly feel in the presence of blame. Demonstrating for us the type of result we could possibly create in any relationship. I feel grateful for this. Though I might not always agree with you, these types of things highlight what I can look for in real life. And learn.



  82.  #82Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    I have also been asked to contact an old CD by phone.

    I wasn’t really bothering cus I kinda feel ‘done’ with him, like he has nothing left to offer me.

    He was ok before but pretty unavailable.

    Not sure if I really want to invite that back in.

    But I could use him to just get back into CD-ing… for a coffee date or something.

    What do you ladies think?



  83.  #83Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Also I have Reconnect and can confirm that it is loaded with FM examples.



  84.  #84Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    DS if it is J who unfriended you on FB, I wouldn’t. If it was Pubman or someone who was an addict also I wouldn’t. I would stay committed to myself and my vision for my life.



  85.  #85Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I don’t want to do internet dating again.

    Even the thought of it makes me feel tired!



  86.  #86Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    FW,

    Well remembered!

    It was none of them.

    It is CD1… the man who was lovely, and polite etc… but kinda distant, and lived with an ex…

    He doesn’t drink, very straight…



  87.  #87Miss Bells on August 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Last week I got a car. This week I found a place to move to. Not just a place–a large elegant Victorian with 4 others, all past 50 except for one cute girl in her early twenties. The head tenant is a woman I know. A client of one of my besties.
    It is 20 miles from where I am now–closer to San Francisco, in a town still within my county, but where I have no strong memories. And in the historic district.
    HS went camping by himself. I will tell him when he returns. It is available NOW.



  88.  #88Miss Bells on August 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    I do need a script to tell HS. I don’t want to gloat, shame, be unkind, or slam the door on him.



  89.  #89Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Then maybe you can check in with yourself to see how okay you would feel dating a man living with a woman who he might be emotionally attached to.



  90.  #90Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    He brought me flowers, took me for coffee and walks and was kinda sweet but also kinda sexually forward, although I never let that progress and I felt a bit suspicious of his living situation…



  91.  #91Calypso on August 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    FW – I totally agree with you about Daria and having listened to all of Rori’s programs and watched her videos, I felt concern for sirens who were stating that using to many FM’s would not be genuine. I felt myself wondering if they had actually had the opportunity to learn how to properly use them. I’m no expert, using FM’s does not come easy for me, which makes them feel forced and fake – which is why I know I need to practice. They work . . .

    Daria’s approach could be softer, but then she would not be Daria.



  92.  #92Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Miss Bells I would tell him how shaky and uncomfortable I feel being around him and that I want to take care of my feelings. And that right now taking care of my feelings mean not being around him so I am moving out.



  93.  #93Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    FW,

    Yeah. I haven’t called him back yet cus that part didn’t feel right last time!

    But if I treated it as a way to get back into CD-ing…

    Or maybe his situation has changed.

    I feel a bit low energy thinking of it though!



  94.  #94MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    ok I went on a cleaning rampage!!

    And I had the radio on and a commercial came on for the “Angry whopper”. They replace all the angry words with “nice” words. It literally broke all my tension and I laughed out loud. I felt lighter.

    So now i’ll create one for you sirens. To lighten the mood…

    When we sirens are fighting and I see those words and feel those feelings I just want to LOVE out my MOONBEAMS and SOFTLY CARESS them up your FAIRYDUST. I feel so GENTLE BREEZES.

    Last night I just wanted to MELODY my thoughts into your UNICORNS. And that made me feel so completely STARLIGHT.

    Oh and then my comments got TWINKLED and I FLOWER near BUTTERFLYED my phone into the HEAVEN.

    Ok the commercial is better 😉 but I feel giggly.



  95.  #95Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Calypso it could be softer yes but then some of us would not heal. Sometimes men are not soft. We need to be around triggers to heal. Rori encourages vision boards to trigger ourselves. She talks in Reconnect about going to a store that sells very expensive ballet shoes to trigger herself.

    Maybe it is our feminine softness that helps men to heal their defensive that they developed as a result of being criticized by their mothers and previous relationships.



  96.  #96Calypso on August 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Yep!



  97.  #97Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Miss Stix,

    “I don’t know what is really right for you. In my mind I put myself in your shoes and I think “you would support him by taking care of yourself first. you would be honest with him that it’s hard for you to support him when you have hope for romance. you would tell him you will always be there if he really and truely needs you, but you can’t be a rock right now. you need your own time to heal first. that feels calm and safe. it feels right and strong.”

    I like this…

    If he approaches me for support again I may use something like this.

    Thank You.



  98.  #98Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    DS – I feel myself feeling judgemental of your living situation because of what I learned 1 year ago – is something you might wish to explore sharing when you talk. Also it would be like a first date so I would feel open to asking questions if I feel his energy leaning towards me. Just not like a job interview style. Maybe feminine curiosity while being playful. Get rid of the what if thinking or wondering if you could “get” him.



  99.  #99Mel on August 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I am really starting to get that my default reaction when I feel angry is to blame. Even if I say nothing… I still feel blamey.

    Rather than feel my feelings, my default is to make others responsible for them.

    I feel relieved that I am actually noticing this in myself and have an awareness of it now. And I can be like Whoa! He/she did nothing except do what was best for them. Now YOU (Mel) just go and do what’s best for you and stop feeling blamey because something happened that caused you to feel tired/sad/bored/annoyed.

    Just feel tired/sad/bored/annoyed and acknowledge that.

    And do something to feel better.

    Ahhh! That feels refreshing and like a big rock just lifted from my tired squishy body.



  100.  #100Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    FW re 97

    Yes, like a do-over…

    Hmmm, its one to consider.

    🙂



  101.  #101Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Lol, New CD says I am ‘different gravy’



  102.  #102Mel on August 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    It felt like Mr A was avoiding me a bit this morning.

    And when I checked-in with myself, I found I was feeling really grumpy and blamey.

    And when I just stood there for a bit and was like “Grrr! I feel so grumpy and sort or scrunched-up and squinty and sharp and prickly… but I want a hug… which probably doesn’t feel too nice for you, because I’m feeling so jagged, and that’s why I’m feeling all lonely this morning…”

    And he said “you sound a little dangerous!” and he laughed and gave me a hug and asked if making me some coffee and a lunch to bring to work would help soften the prickles.

    It did. 🙂



  103.  #103Smile on August 13, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    90- calypso

    I feel you have misinterpreted my posts about feeling messages.

    If you genuinely feel concern for my posts about feeling messages it would feel helpful to me if you could address me directly so I could learn from what you have to say.

    If you were not referring to my posts about feeling messages I feel triggered by oats like these that leave sirens wondering if you are talking about them.

    Maybe this is where darias post triggered people as she felt concern for sirens but didn’t address sirens directly in attempt to assist them.

    I always feel hm I wonder if this is about me when a general message is put out… I wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity to learn. This is the reason I post in the first place. To discover new things I need to heal and to understand the tools more.



  104.  #104Rebecca on August 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Yay, I feel open to using Rori’s tools better. And someone, everyone, anyone can scream and shout at me.

    I wanna get it right! I don’t wanna get it wrong!

    Yay me!

    Yay….

    I feel all tingly and like I would like a nice man to kiss… Mmmm… That would feel dreamy ice creamy…

    Hehe



  105.  #105Tam on August 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    I don’t like the blog, it feels blamey to me today, like sirens aren’t allowed to speak authentically if they get their feeling messages wrong, or lo and behold post something without a feeling message. It makes me feel angry and uncomfortable.
    It feels icky as it’s cutting people off.
    Blamey doesn’t feel good.
    I am outta here for today.
    Much love to all.



  106.  #106Calypso on August 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Smile – I have no idea which Sirens posted about it – I’m sorry I don’t actually pay that close attention to the names – just the content unless it is a Siren that I have been following for a long time and feel I “know”.

    I just remember reading several posts yesterday that left me feeling unsettled, like I usually do when I read something on Rori’s blog that goes against what she actually teaches.

    It didn’t bother me enough to try to get into it yesterday, but after reading dozens of comments about the subject today, I felt comfortable making a comment about it in general terms. I’m sorry that you feel triggered by my post.

    Heading to dinner with my sons, so please don’t feel triggered again if you respond to this and I don’t answer you.

    My oldest son taught me a good one during an argument with me several years ago: “I’m sorry you feel that way” . . . Lol



  107.  #107Miss Bells on August 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    #32 Iamabutterfly: The Frugal Goddess (that’s me!) writes a great deal about needs and wants, about frugal abundance, and about living a joyful, meaningful life whatever your financial circumstances.
    Google the name and the blog will pop up.
    I am always happy to discuss needs vs wants…



  108.  #108Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    I just joined ‘Meetup’ UK.

    There are some LOA groups nearby.

    I feel curious and I also notice I feel fear rise up in me.

    I noticed some fear and anxiety feelings rise up when I thought about CD-ing too.

    I guess I have just felt so safe and looked after with S, until he couldn’t anymore…

    It’s ok though lil girl, cus I will look after you.

    xoxoxox



  109.  #109Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Miss Bells,

    Getting the roots in my hair done…

    I know it is really a want.

    But it feels so important to me, cus it affects how I feel.

    But I have other, necessary bills to pay first!



  110.  #110Calypso on August 13, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    One more thing, then I’m off to dinner. I post on here a lot without using feeling messages and so do a lot of other sirens and no one ever says anything “correcting” about that – it’s not a RULE and if it was, I’d break it.

    For me, the issue yesterday was Sirens (I’m sorry but I do not remember who and do not have time to scan every comment), but more than one Siren stated that using FM’s was not necessary, would not be genuine if overdone, etc.

    I honestly don’t believe Daria was trying to correct the way anyone posts on here – i believe she (like me) had a concern about so many comments piling on to the idea of not using FM’s when dealing with MEN – not when writing ont his blog.

    Daria has been on here much longer than me and followed through on her impulse to provide clarification on the importance of FM’s. I’m glad she did.

    I feel hungry ~



  111.  #111MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    I love the freedom of expression here. It feels like spritzy tiny bubbles in my chest and the more I think of it the stronger it gets.

    I love all the sirens. Even when they look big and agressive and seem loud and I feel stifled. I love those parts of me. I love those parts of them. I want them to express it even if I don’t like it.

    Healing comes in expression. I want to heal. I want us all to heal. I feel warm in my chest for all women. I want to hug their prickly scary monsters and their soft contented bodies.

    This is how my family feels to me. My mom, dad, bro. Acceptance and unwavering love. All people deserve this.



  112.  #112Smile on August 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Calypso, I don’t feel now that it was me you were talking about which is why I felt you has misunderstood my posts. I only posted earlier today.

    When general post like this are made I always feel hm is this me? Is this something I need to be more aware of to learn from? Which is why I ask.



  113.  #113Calypso on August 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    🙂



  114.  #114Butterfly wings on August 13, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    34 Daria – I would feel better if my situation wasn’t distorted by your perception which in this case was nothing like reality.

    Thank you.



  115.  #115bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    mmmm Yummy i want to Take Sides & Battle !!!! ((((((hugs)))))) to my Warrior Heart WAZAM. i can do things without doing anything… how ?

    mm feels like a steel box inside me…. knock knock – hello : ) light & sturdy like bamboo. quick growing. cut it down, grows up again. push the tummy button – giggle soft push out belly mama knows best

    my mama invited me for a sleep-over tomorrow ! i feel like a little girl YAYYYYYY my mama likes me !!! yay!

    mmm i want to talk : ) i like to write : ) i feel good just skimming the thoughts off the surface of my brain like a delicate net – i don’t want to lose anything ! mmmmm i just want to open up & explode ! ribbons & glitter & that bugling sound children make with kazoos

    yayyyyy we’re all allowed to open our mouths & sing & yell & cry !!! i love it i feel so safe & heard & not-ugly & “acceptable” & wonderful. i feel like i’m a queen & i could grant you amnesty : ))) yayyy i can grant myself amnesty too : ) & “pass laws” about my own freedom of speech : ) hoorah

    lawyer girl coming on the scene: “it’s not protected under freedom of speech if the ‘speech’ contains an implicit threat” smiling, nodding, yummy yes i won’t hurt you ! : ))) i want to love you & share hugs & giggle yummy let’s play & be happy !

    a thundercloud just above & behind my eyes, i want to yell ” HEY SAY WHAT YOU FEEL.” y’know why ? because it’s what’s driving your energy & otherwise you look like a loose cannon to everyone. if you say what you feel, people can see the millions of bits of string that keep you “in place”…………

    & then i’m getting really mad & defensive like a grumpy baby – putting my foot down. stomp. down brow, down mouth. man voice, like, “don’t yell at my friend” i don’t want to hear yelling at my friend like there’s a problem. yell at her if it looks like she’s walking off a cliff !!! daria, what you’re doing doesn’t look safe ! oh well, if she falls, she will fly, i know.

    feel gentle & ouch about the salty “don’t tell me what to do”

    2 girls on the bus:
    – hey quit touching me
    – don’t tell me what to do !
    – if you wouldn’t touch me, i wouldn’t have to tell you what to do
    – DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

    silly circle. garbage blame.

    no one touches me unless i allow it. i’m a body, but i’m also “not my body”. i can leave whenever i want. i have a really big imagination that lets me go anywhere, faster than the speed of light, even Time Traveling! eff yes, human ! go lady go!

    ouch bee ! touch the stinger. awww Bee – you are so pretty & you make the fruit & flowers….. i got stung, but the bee dxes. BEE !!!!!!!!! i value you !

    i want to make a rainbow, but i feel scared of heights.



  116.  #116Miss Bells on August 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I cancelled Match today. Plan on doing the same with OKC and POF.
    I feel OPEN to dating but am not LOOKING for a man.
    Online dating feels kinda EEEWWWW to me. I would rather let it happen organically.
    Luckily I live in a garden spot for active meetup groups, and I am the leader of the second biggest singles group in the county, and the only for 50+. I can also get active in the hiking, kayaking, and photography groups. All chockful of men, many of them single. And the married ones may know others like themselves.
    There is also a regular summer concert on Wednesdays at a stunning winery venue. This show draws a lot of men. You never know…



  117.  #117Rebecca on August 13, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    I feel curious when someone points out my short comings

    I want to embrace that, i don’t want to feel negative

    I don’t want to feel humiliated or small

    I want to feel good about myself and proud

    I want to lavish kindness and gentleness on myself

    I don’t want to feel less than because I get things wrong



  118.  #118bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    mm i feel underground. i feel …. limited perspective & grit in my teeth. ick – spit hm

    all the shards still broken up in my belly.

    can’t see “what it is” but Ouch ! it hurts !



  119.  #119Rebecca on August 13, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Awwww Tam… Don’t go… I enjoy you on the blog…

    Am feeling sad



  120.  #120Francesca on August 13, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Tam, don’t feel you have to leave.

    I’m the one at fault so I’ll stay away from the blog.

    Everybody will feel better that way.

    Ciao!



  121.  #121Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Hmmm, why do people feel they need to leave?

    I feel sad.

    Oh well, it’s good practice for letting go of people and situations and knowing that everyone will do what is best for them at any given time.



  122.  #122Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Well I have changed up my small change, which I save up, and I have enough for my hair cut and colour!!!

    Woohoo.

    I am going to book it tomorrow.

    Today I have been doing a kidney stone flush by drinking 3 litres of water and 3 bottles of lemon juice in 24 hours.

    I still really need to drink another 1/2 litre of water and 1/2 bottle of lemon juice before bed and I am feeling tired.

    I have fed myself really well today, good nutrition, I feel pleased. And I didn’t have any sugar until I had 4 chocolate biscuits this evening.

    But letting myself off the hook as it is day 1 and I have done really well.

    Also, I am feeling hungry now and think I am going to allow myself to have a sandwhich, which will be the first bread I have eaten today.

    Tomorrow I intend to do even better!

    Mostly I have been feeling positive today, although with a few down slumps (very short ones).

    I have noticed how when I see wine in films or on TV and food, it triggers me to want a glass of wine, or some food.



  123.  #123Dancing Siren on August 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Thank You DS for feeding me nutritious food today.

    Thank you for teaching those sessions to make money for me.

    Thank you for drinking lemon juice and water to help my kidneys.

    Thank you for counting up the change so that I can get my hair done!

    I feel pleased and excited.

    And tired.

    Can we go to bed soon please?

    Yes, very soon.



  124.  #124Butterfly wings on August 13, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    DS I always feel better when I take care of myself, but I’ve not done much of that lately.

    You have inspired me! 🙂



  125.  #125April Rose on August 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    can anyone help with with some clarity here…

    I’ve heard Rori talk about ‘facilitating a man’s anger’

    I feel scared.

    When WM came to me after leaving his wife (I’ve since wondered if I was a handy get-out for him) he talked badly of her. Even after 3 years separation with no contact he talks badly.

    I’ve just spent two days away on holiday with EM.
    Since I came back, WM hardly looks at me. I can feel a seething anger.

    I feel afraid to ‘facilitate’ it. I just asked him if there was anything I should know. He looked at me with contempt and muttered about not needing to get into “any of that”.

    I don’t want to be the recipient of his landslide of ancient anger towards (heaven knows how many) women.



  126.  #126Butterfly wings on August 13, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Yuk April Rose. How does his vibe make you feel? Maybe start off that way.

    For me it might be that I feel tense or uncomfortable, then let him respond…

    What do you think?

    xxx



  127.  #127Butterfly wings on August 13, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    And if you feel unsafe, please get yourself out of there. (((AR)))



  128.  #128Rebecca on August 13, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    I feel jealous of men, they are so calm and collected in all situations.

    They are arrogant.

    I don’t want to feel intimidated by men. I don’t want to feel they are better than me.

    But I idolise them so much. I idolise the way they make snap decisions, are cool, play the game, never feel like they have to stock up for the underdog, areunashamedly selfish, love themselves, go after what they want, have confidence…

    Lol… I want to feel as good as a man.. I want to feel on a par with him.

    I feel sad. I feel exhausted.



  129.  #129Rebecca on August 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    I’ve heard Rori talk about ‘facilitating a man’s anger’

    I am curious to know what this means too… Mmmmmm… Feel like i’ve been there more than once…



  130.  #130luzydel on August 13, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    I all about being open, but no way if a stranger tries to get that close I will let him. What about boundaries?

    But hey, maybe I am wrong maybe I need to trust more, but I won’t ignore my instincts…If it feels weird Im gonna protect myself.



  131.  #131Rebecca on August 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Franseca

    I don’t see how you are at fault. Don’t go! I value you being here.



  132.  #132Emerson on August 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    DS I remember cd1. I feel curious what will happen…

    This past weekend i was busy working at some events and also socializing and several men were expressing interest in me….it was nice. I responded sireny and warmly but none asked for my number …it’s ok though.

    Maybe cuz I’m being more open vibe? I dunno but I’ve been practi inv dance position with my palms out when speaking with men and it’s been interesting!!



  133.  #133Emerson on August 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I meant maybe I was attracting men because I’ve tried to be more open …../sorry my post is confusing I’m on my phone hard to type



  134.  #134luzydel on August 13, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    I feel a mixture of blah and hmm for D right now, I am not feeling sacred that he leaves, because One he did I still had like five CDs waiting for me… we are so similar, but he likes “toxic women” he has knight in a shining armor complex, or he likes to fix women.

    I am so submissive, that it is scary, I like strong men who can hold me in their arms and I just melt, then I am just a woman and they are men… that is my sexual fantasy/weakness, when I can be possessed and D fulfill this fantasy; but I do not want to confuse things…he is not taking me on dates, he is not in Love with me, he is not committed to me. I replied to 4 emails from POF so I am not stopping Cding it is just that D is so deliciously manly that my hormones react… I wondered why he cam back, I told him I will still be meeting other people (which he did not like), why he keeps coming back? Maybe I should not question anything and enjoy the ride… I don’t know If I want more with him though sometimes I let my imagination go, I don’t know If he is my guy yet…



  135.  #135Butterfly wings on August 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    I had to talk to TH this morning about a work- related issue.

    He was wearing a new shirt that looked really good on him. I said “Nice shirt!” and he seemed genuinely happy to receive the compliment. I realised I don’t compliment him very often and rarely on his appearance. Maybe that’s why he responded positively…

    He will want me to go to gym with him tonight but I am soooo tired from sitting up half the night coughing. Oh well – more time for him to miss me! And tomorrow is a holiday and I have plans for the day so he won’t see me then either.

    I might go Thursday though because the weekend is out as I have my youngest daughter home.

    I still feel REALLY good about the direction we are headed… 🙂



  136.  #136Vi on August 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Daria thank you for the translations in #68 . I don’t feel fluent with Fms when I feel defensive, and your examples felt very helpful.



  137.  #137MissStix on August 13, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Eeeeeeee scrunch face high pitch smiley squeals of absolute consuming DELIGHT! My man amazes me everyday…He seems to have picked up on my self talk and he gabe me 2 feeling msgs all in one day.

    Rawr I feel like a raging lioness ready to pounce!

    “I’ll be ok this week while she works. I’ll be ok if my baby feeds me good. Yep she likes to feed me.”

    I did not ask him to elaborate if he meant literally feed him or metaphorically. He cooks. He feeds himself literally. He feeds me literally. It sounded so sexy regardless. It felt unbelievable. Astounding. No more words.

    Then I sat here again amazed…

    “It feels like funny bubbles rising in my head like bloooodooodoop up my skull.”

    ME too.

    Connections. I feel fuzzy.



  138.  #138Vi on August 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    ..I felt defensive posting this .. I feel tight and I notice my head going a little down as if i am going to get a bonk …. my sister used to give me a bonk whtn she didn’t agree. I feel helpless. she was older and i felt scared to hit or tell her back . i am imagining me telling her ‘ouch. it feels bad’ and returning my focus on what i was doing … and i feel giggly …. i feel excited. i feel angry at her… i feel compassion for her. I feel compassion for myself.
    i want to feel safe. i don’t want to feel scared of other whatever page they are. whatever page i am. i want to honor people (and myself) where they are……… i feel my jaw tense… i love my tension, i love my jaw….

    “I’m an adventurer, a discoverer of me, and keeping myself defenseless and open is the way to go….so let’s all stay together here, and we will all be safe together, because I am a safe place.”

    i want to feel a safe place no matter what. i want to feel a safe place even if others don’t feel the same way about themselves or me. No matter what….. i feel relaxed to let myself try that. I feel good about myself wanting to try that. i feel more mature to want that …

    i am a safe place
    i am a safe place
    i am a safe place

    mmmm… feels yummy. i like that



  139.  #139Radlove on August 13, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    True for me about R:

    “Anxiety makes your brain think that you are in love, and the more anxy you become the more you put the other person on a pedestal. The more you want to chase him and control the situation. Those two are very masculine acts and masculine men don’t respond well to that. As the cycle continues, you lose yourself in the process. When you can manage this part of yourself, you will no longer fall for the wrong guys or be a slave to hormone. And you can only do it when you let him come forward and be a man. Now that you know what triggers the feeling “in-love” you might want to reverse the table on him. Subtly, that is. 😉 Make him miss you and he can’t miss you unless there are spaces in your togetherness.”

    ~ Katarina Phang



  140.  #140Radlove on August 13, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    “Leaning back makes you look and feel more secure in relationship. You know why? Because you set the tone so that you’re not more invested than him, the situation in which women lose their power and is a number one attraction killer in my book. This is how you practice being detached. When the relationship is equal, you will not have gnawing questions in your mind if he’s really into you, etc. You’ll feel secure and womanly because he always initiates most of the time. He feels manly and comfortable too because he gets to pace the courtship according to his own timeline (which very much depends on how cool/chilled you are). The more he feels in charge, the more his brain will perceive it as that you are his woman. And with that security you can manage your emotions and even your level of attraction toward him. You are no more a slave to the chemical highs. You can both use your heart and head now.”

    ~ Katarina Phang



  141.  #141Butterfly wings on August 13, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    That’s all so true Radlove. How are you going?? xxx



  142.  #142siren song on August 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    i told countrycd things were feeling really intense and pressured. cancelled our date for this weekend.

    engineercd (a guy i’ve known for a while) and i have a date tonight but i’ve had to lean forward to get the date and time out of him. we’ll see…i still want to go and get out of the house. i feel bored of hanging out at home after being by myself all day yesterday.



  143.  #143Susan on August 13, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Hi, I am new to reading the blog and I have a question….I recognize myself so much when it comes to over functioning and thinking I have to be everything the man wants instead of just being me, is it possible to reverse the damage done to a budding relationship?



  144.  #144blue rose on August 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    I just did the hardest thing.

    guy I’m crazy about texted to confirm plans for this week. I agreed. He then texted “can you do me a favor” and meet at his town.

    It was so hard but I wrote back no, I’m sorry I can’t. and I gave a reason.

    There was a part of me that wanted to rearrange my life so that I could see him. I wanted to make my day complicated and scary and inconvenient just so I could see him. Typing “no” was so hard.

    It was also hard to not jump in with alternatives. To not give him my ideas like “pick me up”

    I walked away from my phone and came back and he texted to meet another day.

    Small victory for me not rowing the boat 🙂 and for putting my needs first



  145.  #145Radlove on August 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    “When a man sulks for no reason (yes they do it sometimes, at least from your POV there is nothing to sulk about), let him be. Don’t try to talk him out of it or be apologetic and start panicking that you might lose his affection unless you try to appease him. Just act normal and be busy with your own things. They’ll come out of it and they might mention why they acted the way they did. If you don’t (over)react, a lot of issues in relationship never really come up in the first place. It is when you fuel the fire with your insecurities and your need of his approval, things often get worse than it has to be. A lot of times his behavior has nothing to do with you. It’s his own stuff he has to deal with the same way your reactions to everything he does/say is your own stuff you have to deal with.”

    ~ Katarina Phang



  146.  #146Radlove on August 13, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    BW,

    141 – Chugging away. Super busy seeking jobs and assistance.

    Feeling happy inside since I had such a wonderful time with R last night.



  147.  #147Femininewoman on August 13, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    April Rose I can imagine him feeling hateful towards himself calling himself a loser, living with a woman who goes off for a weekend with another man. He must be angry with himself because he knows he can’t give you the commitment you want. This was not just a date it was 2 whole days so he must be smelling the other man all over you



  148.  #148Memulo on August 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    My 2nd CD reappeared after almost 3 weeks of silence. Men;)



  149.  #149Memulo on August 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    I had a wonderful time yesterday with SmartCD. He took me out in midday as I was busy otherwise and we talked non-stop for 3 hours straight. Waiters got annoyed with us;) I feel he is getting better, back to his happy funny self. It felt so pleasant to watch.



  150.  #150Turquoise on August 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Hi sirens! I got to see Mr. Conversation 4 out of 5 days last week, and that felt really nice, like reconnecting, fun with our kids, laughing, and also sharing. By the end of the week though, all the stress in his personal life was just getting to be too much and I slipped 100% into friend mode and let him know he could vent away. I realized that stress even when it’s not about me or directed at me….. Still feels awful and draining and empty. I had hoped to take the girls away for the weekend to a lake about 2 hours away, to visit with some sorority sisters and have a mini vacation. I’d held off committing, in case he might need me… And then really listened to my body and all that stress I was feeling and knew I needed a change of scenery. Plus, was our last weekend to get away for months, and I knew I’d resent him if I didn’t go, even though he hadn’t asked me for anything. It was me wanting to give and give… Not me taking care of me and receiving. When I told him I was going, he said he was glad I could get away from his drama. Then later called and asked me to meet them (he had all our kids while I went to a funeral) for go karts, at first I hesitated, needed to pack and get an early start, but decided it would be fun and I could sleep on the beach 🙂 it felt sooo thrilling racing that go kart! I felt alive and so happy to be trying something different and new! On my way home he texted to tell me it was nice seeing me, he was glad I came. I replied with a mirroring message. I sent him a few pics Saturday when we got there, not even thinking that it was leaning forward. He replied, was friendly. I tried to focus on the people i was with, the environment, waves crashing, wind Blowing, Girls laughing dnd happy, reconnecting with Old friends… All of it to shift my thoughts off of him. Its so easy to think about him. Sunday night he liked all my pics on FB and this morning texted me a few times. Then tonight he called, we talked for an hour about all sorts of things and he suggested we get together this week, so he and his daughter are coming over tomorrow night. The focus is still on being friends, and I know that may be dangerous to romantic relationship potential… But we are bonding. He tells me how much he likes my kids, told my daughter tonight that he misses her and hopes to see us soon… Really listens to me and shares his thoughts and feelings, it feels warm, and I like that. Tonight he said again how much he normally hates talking on the phone, so I must be special. Last week he said the same thing to my daughter. Being perfectly honest, I am hopeful that there could be more, and do feel worried that with his divorce and me being a “friend” it’s not going to happen because I’m not following all the rules, we spend all this time together with our kids, helping each other (like my website and babysitting, etc.) but not going on dates, or even much time alone together. But I want him in my life, he’s been a better friend to me than I’ve had in a really long time, and in 2 months, I’ve seen him almost 30 times… And it’s not about sex. It feels like the first real relationship I’ve had in years, and it’s not romantic, or imaginary… It’s friendship with the door left open for more. I don’t know how this will work if I would start dating someone false seriously, but my plan has been to do what feels good and take one say at a time. Any ideas or suggestions sirens? I think he missed me a little this weekend, even though I wasn’t gone long.



  151.  #151Turquoise on August 13, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    C comes in Saturday for a week. I am actually starting to feel good about it. Like its time for a fresh start, as just friends and co-parents. Mr. Conversation is teaching me a lot about patience and not over reacting, staying calm, stating my boundaries, sticking to them… It’s not just the practice, it’s the modeling he does. I am becoming a better me every day, mainly by sharpening my focus, blurring other things out, listening to myself. I feel more whole. Like I’m now trotting across my bridge and looking a head, not behind… Just ahead, and smiling.



  152.  #152VW on August 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Out of all people… you find Katarina as the ‘noticeable’ to quote…after all these years of doing Rori’s tools???? Katarina is as far from femininity and authenticity…as I am far from the moon…



  153.  #153Rori Raye on August 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    Susan – Men can “turn around on a dime” – early is good, if the chemical stuff is still flowing. Please just don’t get all hung up on it – that’ll do more damage than anything. Love, Rori



  154.  #154bloom-ing on August 13, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    zoooooom i’m letting all the air out of my body now before bed. NOISES. no one talks to me ! who cares ? : ) hmmmmmm i feel a little mad & defensive & territorial ! & WHO CARES ?? yum i feel free & dancing

    inside me like a thick strong rainbow — outside – i choose the colors i paint. children & humans. touching the feet. kissing the feet that carry.

    i rub my grandma’s feet for as long as i have time to do it. i need to leave, but it’s important to do it for as long as possible.

    mmmmmmm i’d like a foot rub : )))

    cd asked me what i want for my birthday. i said, stories in the tent. chocolate or coffee… extra hugs… later i said oh yeah marshmallows i really love to eat marshmallows or s’mores…. & then he said anything else ???????????? i said………. hm, yeah don’t fall asleep first thing in the tent, you have to stay awake !

    i am feeling so mad & sensitive & naked & defenseless & exposed…………… ok – i’m ok anywayz.

    laughing – i love to laugh

    i feel so confused about everything & i give myself permission to give up figuring it out.

    all the “quiet”-ness i don’t mind

    hello : ) mmmmmmmmm alone in the world, surrounded by love………….. yum



  155.  #155siren song on August 13, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    oh, that was a good date!!



  156.  #156Tereana on August 13, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Ooh, siren song – story?? What was your date?



  157.  #157Tereana on August 13, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    So…my day started off kind of icky, feeling lonely and missing SYG (Sweet Young Guy). But then…other things happened!

    My day actually got better as I went along, starting with a thoughtful text from Vman, and ending with a *very* sexy Skype date with a cutie in chicago. Whew! Teehee 🙂

    I’m a naughty girl!

    But I said naught to SYG, either. No text, no phone call, no messages, nada. And I feel good about that. I feel like forgetting him, just letting him float off into the ether…

    I could, if I wanted to say one thing, simply restate (or state) my boundary, and give him my “speech.” right now, I am not sure it is worth it, or apropos of nothing. It could push him further away, and, if anything, I want to give him space to come toward me, if he wants to.

    “respecting the masculine” is one of the 5 keys I have the most trouble with. Ok, sexy sirens and goddesses, and higher wisdom. Help me out on this one…yes.

    Ok, we will…



  158.  #158Radlove on August 14, 2012 at 12:54 am

    VW,

    152 – I feel attacked. What I hear is that I am a horrible person because I quoted Katarina. That feels bad to hear.



  159.  #159Butterfly Wings on August 14, 2012 at 1:56 am

    Ha! I’m now booked for just about EVERY weekend for the next two months! Yay!

    TH has talked me into going to the gym tonight too. I only agreed because I won’t be able to go again until Sunday night and I feel kind of guilty for not going last night either.

    Oh and I think I might be about to ovulate because my appetite has just gone stupid! I can’t believe how much I just ate…

    Will work that off tonight! 😉



  160.  #160Daria on August 14, 2012 at 2:01 am

    Yay Miss Bells! Woo hooo i feel thrilled for you YAY YAY YAY 😀

    i live in the bay most of the time so i really GET how challenging housing can be (in terms of affordability etc)

    YAY!



  161.  #161Rebecca on August 14, 2012 at 2:29 am

    Without a job I find it really difficult to motivate myself.. I just tend to lull around all day and let time fly by. Then I feel wound up that I haven’t done “anything” with my day.. Hmmm… What can I “do” about this? I feel so stuck in myself… I need to “plan” I need to “focus”. I find it so difficult to “motivate” myself.. I find it hard to know if I am”doing” enough? Am I “doing” enough?? I feel stiff and tense just thinking about it.. What is “enough”?. I have bren told by my mum I need a “kick up the b-side”…Lol…. That hurt. It rings true…. It bothers me… Sob… I feel sad.. Breathe it out… Sigh… Breathe… Feel sleepy…



  162.  #162Daria on August 14, 2012 at 2:35 am

    im feeling LOVELY today 🙂

    i feel guilty i’ve been reading comments and skipping others and i feel worried reading allusions to people leaving

    i feel guilty that i dont want tsome peopel to be here and on the other hand i want EVERYONE To be here to heal

    and i feel confused

    i want everyone to heal!

    and i don’t want to have some people in my energy field and i feel guilty

    well its reminding me of men

    🙁

    i feel open to people i don’t want bad feeling stuff in my energy field

    id feel happy if the people were to on a dime be treating me nicely and respectfully and

    now i felt uplifted and lovd

    and a part of me feels sad sad

    is it ok to say i wish so and so wasn’t here

    no its not ok

    its ok

    i feel ACK

    like sides of me are clsing in my throat and tummy like this >>><<<<

    and actually i feel piny begging noooo i don't want anyone to leave i want everyone to stay and contribute to healing themselves and all of us

    i had just re found out last nite that my concept of dragged down wasn't true remember

    this is helping me

    that's right and does that mean i don't say i don't want to having some people around?

    i feel guilty

    i feel afraid to say such a thing

    this feels really confusing

    i feel good being open to everyone

    pffff

    well the loveliest indeed would feel for everyone and even more people to come and all heal and support me and love me yay

    i feel guilty for talking all about me

    i feel happy i don't feel like going INTo this lump

    i love you lump

    i love you daria

    Blooming i see and hear youa nd i feel so honored

    i feel happy way better good good i had mucho practice

    i feel like im running away from something right now

    running awy from feeeling

    i feel… blank



  163.  #163Rebecca on August 14, 2012 at 2:36 am

    I feel worried that I come across as “moaning” and “worrying” all the time… I want to feel positive about myself…



  164.  #164Daria on August 14, 2012 at 2:38 am

    (((Radlove)))

    i don’t want you to feel bad…

    the response feels confusing to read as you haven’t been called a horrible person and it sounds like you’re responding to voices in your head and feels … uncomfortable to read

    i feel curious what the response would be in feeling messages and don’t wants, and what that would feel like to read to me



  165.  #165April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 2:52 am

    Thanks Butterfly Wings,

    His vibe made me feel shocked, humiliated and hated.

    I felt scared and helpless.
    I felt like some kind of condemned prisoner not allowed to speak the truth of myself.

    It reminded me of a feeling as a little girl, when my Dad would be seething in the other room and I felt afraid.

    I can see the part of me reflected in him. It needs love.
    I see it as a kind of vengeful unhugged teddy bear.

    I intend to find compassion deep in my heart for this part of my soul.
    AND I no longer want to give it a position of responsibility or ask it to take care of me.



  166.  #166Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:17 am

    I have butterflies in my tummy

    I feel excited but nervous

    My ex of two years is going to ring me on his lunch break

    We have only started teeing again recently

    I still have feelings for him

    I haven’t heard his voice in 9 months

    I’m feel a tingle in my tummy



  167.  #167Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:18 am

    Teeing= texting



  168.  #168Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:25 am

    I do feel a twang of guilt that he is in an exclusive relationship but being here has made me realise he has not committed to his girlfriend and all we are doing is talking on the phone. I am just being open to his communication. I feel curious to know if he still has feelings for me.



  169.  #169Tam on August 14, 2012 at 3:38 am

    Hello I am back!!
    Just felt like going last night as I didn’t find the blog particularly helpful and started to wonder if I was going to go into rants, rather than concentrating on stuff that makes me feel good, that’s all.
    Thanks Rebecca and Francesca…Francesca – why go?? Come back!! I enjoyed your posts, all of them. It’s good that we all have different perspectives and views and ways of expressing ourselves, that was exactly the point I wanted to make. I don’t like the vibe I caught last night that some sirens are made to feel like they are in the wrong by how they post here.
    Yes, we are here to grow but not to judge each other and attack. That’s how I feel. Hence everybody’s voice count, feeling messages or not. Sorry if that clashes with other people’s opinions but I actually don’t care 🙂 I don’t have to please everybody 🙂
    That’s exactly what I am learning and it feels good!!

    Radlove I like your postings, what I don’t like is that they make me feel hopeful that I can work things out with a man when I am pretty sure that it is making me linger on – and I should be moving on.
    Those posts are so comforting, but then I feel that I ought not be comforted, but ought to be triggered into moving on, not even wondering if he misses me, not even ‘creating space’ between us because I want to not care. I want to be on my horse. I don’t want to hope.
    I feel exhausted by going back and forth in my head, when all that really needs ‘doing’ is moving on.
    Pffff….I don’t know.
    I just spoke to a male friend yesterday and he told me he is still so hung up on his ex, that even though he has been on 20-odd dates and second and third dates, he just has no enthusiasm and the dating makes him feel worse because he compares and he feels no attraction to anyone. I must say that this is just how I felt and hence have kind of stopped the dating and made myself busy.
    Hm.
    I don’t know.
    I feel sad and I miss MrU. I see him occasionally online but I am not tempted to make contact. Deep down I am hoping he will and I am hoping he won’t (because that is the best way to move on).
    Hm.
    Better do something to distract.
    Bye for now!!



  170.  #170Daria on August 14, 2012 at 3:42 am

    “Does your truth hurt?
    How hard is it for you to say your truth?
    What happens when you see something you are in compete disagreement with?
    Do you squirm yourself to silence, inside?
    Or flick out the truth like you were tossing a handful of coins in a fountain?
    And how about the truth of the way you feel?
    Like—let’s say—when you feel scorched with jealousy?
    Or unhappy with the way your lover is treating you?
    Can you be simple and direct about where you are?
    Or do you go to internal overload—like a nuclear power plant in Code Orange, internal sirens blaring?
    How about when someone hurts your feelings?
    Or disappoints you?
    Can you out yourself?
    Or do you slam shut like a clam?

    What the heck are we so afraid of?
    That life as we know it would come to an end?
    We would get fired?
    Our lover would quit us?
    Friends would leave us?
    Family might shun us?

    When you bury your truth inside, the opposite happens.
    You silently and internally fire your boss. Break up with your lover. Quit your friends. And turn your back on your family.
    Your truth is your Divinity talking to you.
    Otherwise known as your life force.
    If you don’t pay attention to her, She can’t exist.”

    Mama Gena



  171.  #171Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:42 am

    I feel light

    I feel smiley

    I feel in the moment

    I feel thankful for the support I receive here

    I feel confident

    I feel in touch with my feelings

    I am thankful for the ability to communicate my feelings instead of stuffing them

    I feel thankful for being aware of my controlling behaviours
    in the past which I can heal



  172.  #172Ella on August 14, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Hi Sirens,

    I have a couple of new blog posts up, including one with a recipe for a protein packed summer salad.

    You can have a look here:

    http://www.redsirens.co.uk/red-sirens-blog.htm



  173.  #173Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:47 am

    Daria 170

    Thank you for this post

    This is exactly what I use to do in my past relationship

    I felt like a clam

    I feel more healed from this now I know I am practising feeling messages 🙂



  174.  #174Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:47 am

    Tam I’m glad you came back 🙂



  175.  #175Daria on August 14, 2012 at 3:54 am

    eh blah



  176.  #176Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:55 am

    I’m feeling more and more butterflies as I anticipate his call



  177.  #177April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 3:58 am

    Femininewoman,

    Thank you so much for your perspective from the man’s point of view.

    I felt horrified upon reading that.

    I felt guilty.

    I would hate it if he went away for two days with a woman.



  178.  #178Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:00 am

    read something that felt bad



  179.  #179Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:01 am

    (((April Rose)))

    you’re not a man, you’re a woman

    you get to be wooed

    they get to woo



  180.  #180Dancing Siren on August 14, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Good Morning Sirens,

    I am feeling ok today.

    I woke up really late, I decided not to set my alarm clock today and I guess my body just needed to rest.

    I woke up to a sweet text message from New CD,

    Awww,

    But for some reason am missing S a bit this morning.

    Oh well, nevermind.

    S’s last text to me yesterday was ‘g8d I love you’ so that feels good. Just feel sad we can’t actually be together right now.

    🙁

    But, I have a lot to get on with.

    And I am going to book my hair appointment now.



  181.  #181Smile on August 14, 2012 at 4:06 am

    I don’t feel like sharing anymore



  182.  #182Tam on August 14, 2012 at 4:32 am

    Hey Smile!! 🙂
    No more sharing?



  183.  #183Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 4:41 am

    I too felt a bit shocked about the Katarina Phang postings but have to acknowledge most of it resonated with me.

    RadLove I see your response as your defensive pattern and NV taking things personal and using words to create guilt by deciding what people think about you. This pattern keeps repeating.



  184.  #184Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:42 am

    Radlove – i wonder what you think Ryan was feeling when u made the comment about his penis

    i felt triggered reading that… 🙁

    it reminded me of when my bisexual friend makes sexual comments towards me… it feels really offputting and i feel kinda icky and unsafe and soemtiemes turned off from interacting with her…

    i easily forgive it as ‘just her’, but sometimes it feels really uncomfortable (im wondering if theres more practice for me in expressing it)

    its just that… well i brush it off but no way.

    I imagine that unless Ryan is a feminine energy man open to masculine energy advances (which he doesn’t seem to be) that this really pushes him away romantically

    and i feel worried to see you so happy about it

    i wonder if its a reflection of people having violated your sexual boundaries in the past, and now you’re playing it out by being the one who is pushing and ignoring the other’s discomfort ?

    i wonder about myself as i find myself doing this too, sometimes sexually, sometimes in other ways…

    i feel powerful and it kinda just flows out ina strong powerful way… im not thinking about being an agressor… till later

    and ive been noticing it parallels situations when i felt powerless, and others treated me this way

    and now i ‘get to’ do it myself and it kinda makes it more ok that it hapend – im doing it too and helps me forgive the other – and also gives me a feeling of power, im the powerful one now



  185.  #185Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:43 am

    the Katarina comments seemed right on point to me too
    i felt… empowered actually



  186.  #186Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:44 am

    i feel strangled up top under my jaw



  187.  #187Tam on August 14, 2012 at 4:45 am

    I miss Ruth. Ruuuuth?!



  188.  #188Butterfly Wings on August 14, 2012 at 4:47 am

    I like the way you think Tam! Just sayin’….. 😉



  189.  #189Tam on August 14, 2012 at 4:50 am

    Thank you BW 😉



  190.  #190Rebecca on August 14, 2012 at 4:55 am

    Ahhhh Tam I’m glad you are back sweetie! 🙂



  191.  #191Rebecca on August 14, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Daria

    Your comments to Radlove resonate with me too.. There’s a lot for me to heal around this..



  192.  #192Dancing Siren on August 14, 2012 at 4:59 am

    Right,

    Washing is on the line.

    Hair appointment for tomorrow is booked.

    I am still drinking my lemon juice and water for my kidney flush… it is feeling hard now to drink enough… 3 litres water and 3 bottles of lem juice is a lot in 24 hours but I know it will be worth it!

    I am looking at a video to help me source some material for my classes.

    And this afternoon I will do some paperwork.

    Teaching a lesson this evening.



  193.  #193Dancing Siren on August 14, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Sorry what comment did you make Radlove about R’s penis?

    I cannot see that anywhere…



  194.  #194Tam on August 14, 2012 at 5:02 am

    I was mummy, not gf. Nobody wants a mummy as a gf. I said ‘ I wouldn’t do this to you’ when MrU offered to marry me for papers, and said he’d do it if it meant he could live in Europe too. I said that no, it would not help him. Now, I could honestly say: wow, it feels sooo good to hear that, and no, sorry, it wouldn’t mean you could live in Europe, but it sure would be a win- win because you’d have me!! 🙂
    But ‘ I wouldn’t do that to you’ was a nice blossom from my unavailable self. Jeepers, I’d have driven to the courthouse there and then and instead I played cool cucumber and said ‘nah thanks, nice of you mate’.
    I laugh now.
    I did the same to my bf. He asked me to marry him so we could stay together and as he just got divorced a year prior I said ‘I don’t want to complicate your life’
    What am I, mother Theresa? Why did I not trust them to make decisions? Grown men!
    Ah, it’s funny now.
    Actually, I must be on the right path because now I’d react totally differently…
    No more hiding behind walls…so silly.



  195.  #195Tam on August 14, 2012 at 5:03 am

    Aw Rebecca thank you. I feel all smiley when someone calls me sweety – sooo nice 🙂



  196.  #196Turquoise on August 14, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Good morning sirens, my stomach feels nervous and twisty this morning. Not sure what that is about. I wish I could stay in bed longer and just focus on my feelings, my wants, needs, feelings…. But I have to get ready for work, focus on my job and a lot of paperwork…. But will try to focus on me too.

    I didn’t get the problem with the Katerina posts either. Several sirens regularly share other coaches work here, that either applies to themselves or what they believe will help another siren.



  197.  #197Smile on August 14, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Tam, the vibe on the blog makes me feel safer in my clam shell for a while 🙁



  198.  #198Tam on August 14, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Oh no, Smile….aw. I felt the same yesterday. It’s all good. Enjoy the shell, but do say hello now and then, I’ll miss you 🙂



  199.  #199Smile on August 14, 2012 at 5:32 am

    Thanks Tam that makes me feel a bit more smiley.

    I’m off to morocco for a week or so, so I’ll see how I’m feeling when I come back x



  200.  #200Teri on August 14, 2012 at 5:41 am

    I must say I would have thought this was a great story too…. except that I had the unfortunate misfortune to come home from 3rd shift and my bf was waiting for me with this letter, wanting me to know when I went to the beach and why I wrote this… Please explain how I got this email. thanks Teri



  201.  #201LoveAlways on August 14, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I’m feeling Daria’s comments about using Rori’s tools – they really do work! While we all come to this blog for our own personal reasons, I come to share with like minded folks who understand and readily discuss how to use Rori’s tools. I get excellent and necessary feedback. But you know – to each his own. Not to ever shove the theory or practice down anyone’s throat, but I must indeed chime in that actively keeping your boundaries, feeling your feelings, speaking your feelings, leaning back and keeping a safe space for a man is the way to reach a man’s heart! I’m experiencing it daily and I’m so grateful for Rori and her programs. I am no longer a woman in a heap of tears over a man or a relationships. In fact, I have turmoil between men wanting to be with me now. I’ve even used the tools about power (modern siren and commitment blueprint) where you let a man know that he will lose you (it worked!!!). So thank you Daria for reminding me – I feel grateful about having this wonderful tools in my siren life.



  202.  #202LoveAlways on August 14, 2012 at 5:53 am

    (((((Rebecca)))))



  203.  #203Dancing Siren on August 14, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Ok, I have just finished my kidney stone flush and feeling a bit sick from all the lemon juice but pleased I have done it now!

    Going to search for the remote and then have some lunch and then paperwork.



  204.  #204Tam on August 14, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Smile, have fun in Morocco!!!



  205.  #205Tam on August 14, 2012 at 6:15 am

    I feel super happy for those of you who know how to work the tools perfectly and hence have no problem in their lives anymore….well, I don’t and that’s why I am on the blog. 🙂
    I am still learning, and that feels good too.
    I just feel uncomfortable when the critical voices get ‘silenced’ or made feel like they are not good enough to post here, ‘bringing the blog down’, or are told that they are not using the tools properly in a way that feels like personal attacks.
    I think we do better supporting ourselves than projecting our bad feeling onto sirens.
    Yes, constructive criticism is good but that goes BOTH ways and not just one way.
    My 2 cents.



  206.  #206Rebecca on August 14, 2012 at 6:29 am

    LoveAlways

    I really appreciate what you are saying that Rori’s tools have worked for you. Would you mind sharing any examples with us here on the blog?

    I would super love to hear some!



  207.  #207Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 6:34 am

    “voices get ‘silenced’ or made feel like they are not good enough to post here,”

    Tam this is NV and perception. Also a way of beating up on oneself as words reflect our inner world. Though we don’t necessarily agree with everything happening on the blog it is things like these that interactions bring up to heal. They are innocuous and many times fly below our radar of consciousness while others external to us can see it. When we take down our walls and stay open we can experienbce learning breakthroughs. The thing is in believing that people have our best interest at heart, surrendering to What Is and knowing of a certainty that Love is there. Believing everyone loves you. It has been proven that blame and criticism are the number one killers of relationships.



  208.  #208Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Rebecca if you read back in the blog a couple articles ago Rori wrote about LoveAlways experience. It was a great read.



  209.  #209Wildflower on August 14, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Still focusing on me…yeah! i feel a little tired but i’m wondering if it’s because i’m laying the groundwork so to speak. i still find myself missing a certain someone. feeling a little sad. missing his touch 🙁

    i have a date tomorrow though! he actually told me it was ok if i bring my little dog. i may take him up on it.



  210.  #210MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 6:37 am

    BW

    Watch out now!! lol Ovulation has some kind of effect on men! The theory is it’s pheromones combined with changes in skin texture and vocal sounds that are brought on by ovulation.

    Have fun!



  211.  #211MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 6:38 am

    One of the beauties of being BCP free 😀



  212.  #212Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Tam also Rori writes all the time that she makes mistakes and have to constantly remind herself to use her own tools. Mistakes are a part of the learning process, people make up their own tools. Having a support system to hold your hand when you do and guide you through the minefields is invaluable. I totally agree with what you are saying it is just that I have chosen to look at things differently because of what I have experienced since being on here. There is a lot to learn and I am still learning.



  213.  #213Wildflower on August 14, 2012 at 6:40 am

    i feel excited but also overwhelmed and anxious. i need to remember to breath!! i asked my boss if i could switch to a different job this year and he said ok. i do believe it’s the right choice for me. i was feeling really disconnected at work since my job had me by myself a lot. this new job i get to work with people all of the time. of course that brings on its own set of frustrations, but on the whole it feels good to me. yeah me for taking a chance even though it was tempting to stay where i was ‘comfortable” if not entirely happy.



  214.  #214Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Teri I believe it was a name change for someone else. Please read comment No 5 above. Maybe a case of mistaken identity?



  215.  #215Tam on August 14, 2012 at 6:54 am

    FW, I love that sentence:
    blame and criticism are the number one killers of relationships.

    This is what I am talking about, because I do believe in compassion. And I believe that criticism makes people shut down, and that is not one of my NV’s, that’s what I see on here occasionally, personal little wars that help nobody really.

    I like variety, and I like different views, and I would feel sad if some people are silenced because they fear criticism. That’s just my personal view though, and I am not offended if nobody agrees with it 🙂



  216.  #216Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 6:55 am

    RE 117 – Beautiful Rebecca. This feels self loving



  217.  #217MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 6:55 am

    FW

    I know I make up a lot of my own tools. I’m sure a lot of women do.

    Just know that I will always be honest and authentic about the results I get. I am in a particularly safe place in my relationship for trial and error.



  218.  #218Tam on August 14, 2012 at 6:55 am

    ..and yes, if people can see past a comment that ‘hurts’ them, it sure provides a path to learning and that’s what we are all here for.



  219.  #219Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Tam people silence themselves. They choose to be. They have to deal with their own fears. The type of thing we are doing here.



  220.  #220Tam on August 14, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Miss Stix, you should share some of your ‘made-up’ tools with us 🙂



  221.  #221Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 6:59 am

    What I don’t like about myself trigger me. If I feel hurt I ask myself what am I feeling, why am I hurt. Thanks to Dominique I bring things back to myself.



  222.  #222MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Epiphany! Do we not use a different approach, and shift our vibes and use tools in a different way depending on the relationships we have?

    We still use the tools.

    Buy isn’t it a different situation when someone is single and dating vs just coming out of a LTR vs on shaky ground within a LTR vs comfortably within a LTR vs unhappily married vs happily married etc etc etc.

    We are all at different levels of commitment. Unique struggles. Unique triumphs. Unique approaches.

    How we choose to use Rori’s tools is up to each individual depending on her unique situation.

    It IS ok to stumble with the tools and it IS ok to have success without them.

    Rori would NOT promote EMK if she thought we must always use only her tools at all times.

    Rori is not about force feeding her own ideas. She is about uplifting women in ANY WAY possible.



  223.  #223MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Tam

    I do every day 😉

    I have a feeling it’s just a tiny particle in the make up of the negativity lately.



  224.  #224Wildflower on August 14, 2012 at 7:09 am

    I kind of want a boyfriend. Well I still want marriage on the table…most definitely. But I think it would feel nice to be exclusive with someone. As long as their actions made me feel secure and loved…and the relationship had momentum. I certainly don’t want to suggest this to anyone though. Just a passing thought I’ve had lately. Maybe I’m just feeling a bit lonely since I haven’t started work yet and I’m by myself a lot for the past few days.



  225.  #225Wildflower on August 14, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Ok maybe I don’t want to use the word “boyfriend.”



  226.  #226MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 7:13 am

    I read lots and lots and combine many different perspectives that work for me. My approach is completely unique. I do what works for me un-apologetically. Everyone has that right. I want no one to be silenced. Even if what they say feels wrong. It all needs to be said.



  227.  #227MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 7:13 am

    I read lots and lots and combine many different perspectives that work for me. My approach is completely unique. I do what works for me un-apologetically. Everyone has that right. I want no one to be silenced. Even if what they say feels wrong. It all needs to be said.



  228.  #228Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 7:13 am

    RE 184 Daria I read through the post and felt turned off by the reference. I prefer to follow a man’s lead down those paths.



  229.  #229MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 7:13 am

    woopz

    Double dip!



  230.  #230Tam on August 14, 2012 at 7:17 am

    222 + 223 Miss Stix, yay, that sounds very good and encouraging – love it.
    A kind of: it’s all good.
    And it really is all good.



  231.  #231Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Wildflower it seems like you are in a good space to do some scripting that you could share with a man when you start dating should he ask what do you want.



  232.  #232CurvySiren10 on August 14, 2012 at 7:25 am

    FW 207~ ” It has been proven that blame and criticism are the number one killers of relationships.”

    Where can I read more about this? It’s a topic I’m very interested in and would love to read more about it.



  233.  #233Wildflower on August 14, 2012 at 7:26 am

    RE 231 Hi FW! That’s a good idea. I may run some scripts by the blog at some point.



  234.  #234LoveAlways on August 14, 2012 at 7:26 am

    TAM:
    I’m still a work in progress . . . but loving every step along the way – Keeping it beautiful and positive always!

    REBECCA:
    Here is the post FW referenced.

    Namaste – LoveAlways

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/you-can-do-this-love-advice-and-love-learnings/#more-4574

    Here’s an amazing comment from LoveAlways, and Daria made sure I saw it (thank you, Daria) so I could make sure everyone saw it and feels hopeful just reading it:

    LoveAlways says:

    Happy holiday weekend Sirens!

    My weekly time to myself and to spam the blog with my feelings

    SIREN METAMORPHOSIS

    I had an epiphany today – I looked in the mirror and my body has changed. I looked deep inside and I’ve changed there too – my energy has shifted into something unexpected.

    I was an emotional wreak when I bought a bunch of Rori’s products all within one month’s time – I was obsessive!

    I was looking to get back together with CDex and learn how to have better relationships with men so he and I could get married. I wanted to hire Rori as a coach, but she suggested on her web site starting with her ebook, then her programs.

    Instead of getting him back and on my way to married, after 7 months of continuously listening to the programs, taking notes in the workbooks and talking about to to any woman who would listen (only a handful would tolerate me), I’m still not in a relationship headed towards married . . .

    BUT I’ve changed so much and living such a better life within myself. I am happy now.

    What I did was learn how to live my own life beautifully.

    -I learned that CDex is toxic and the thought of being with him makes me feel slimy all over my skin like grease sticking to wet dishes.

    -I learned that I am not perfect but WOW, am I Amazing!!!

    -I learned to lean back and let men adore me and lavish me with gifts and to lavish their desires for me without my leaning forward one bit.

    -I learned how to really love myself and take care of myself, and how to respond to men in the way that benefits ME best. Yes, it honestly is all about me, but in a good way, not like a b*tch (anymore).

    -I learned to talk to men and how to not to talk to men

    -I’ve learned to step away (lean back) from men! Unheard of pre-siren!

    -I’ve learned the beauty of circular dating, what it means to me (as a reformed perpetual flirt), and to keep my feelings foremost of importance in my day to day living.

    -I learned to keep it real and what real feels like for me deep inside my chest, and in my shoulders & thighs and sometimes in my tummy. I got OUT of my head!

    Everything I’ve learned – this new way of being – this feminine metamorphosis – it’s uncharted territory for me. And now I know nothing, and it’s beautiful!

    I don’t know what to do going forward for relationships.

    I don’t know what a man thinks, and I don’t care anymore.

    I can’t predict anything – but I understand now that I shouldn’t try.

    I don’t care that I don’t have the answers anymore.

    All I know is that I feel happy most of the time and it has very little to do with man (except when CD song tells me how beautiful I am – I feel that deep down in my back and it tingles).

    I’m CDing in a totally different way these days, and it feels right. Too bad I spent the money on the dating web site! I still check it and correspond, but there are no connections there right now.

    And connections – OMG, I connect with men in such different way, but it comes from them! They are reaching out to me connecting – and I’m just responding. I’ve thought of keeping a journal to keep track of it all.

    Very very important – I am keeping safe. I feel preyed upon sometimes, and this was something to heal from my past. Still healing, but I know HOW to stay safe and what that means now.

    I’m practicing my intimacy tools with CD song and he has turned into quite the tiger – I just give in to it all.

    My body is changing (I’ve lost an entire dress size – and going for one more) and it’s more sensitive to my environment – material, water, lotion, skin . . . Like its a cool constant soothing sizzle all over.

    My feelings for me are changing. If I hear or see something that doesn’t feel good to me, I feel it, feel it again, and then most times get away from it.

    I respond to loveliness like a 3 year old (picture a professional woman smiling like a kid over a flower in the midst of a room full of men, and then returning to my argument like I never stopped – and yes, they responded to the smile).

    I have immediate feelings now. My girl energy is taking over, and my boy energy is more concise.

    Wow, not what I was expecting, but I’m living an amazing feeling existence now.

    Thanks Rori.

    LoveAlways

    written by Rori Raye • Permalink • Leave a Comment »

    Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 4:26pm



  235.  #235Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 7:27 am

    CurvySiren I read about it first in John Gottman’s writing. I believe if you google his name you will find a lot on the Internet. I read several of his books I borrowed from the Library and saw some of his videotaped workshops in a relatioinship class I participated in.



  236.  #236Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 7:28 am

    “Feeling Messages:
    My essential Tool for speaking with a man so he can really hear you – in the format “I feel…” or “I’m feeling…” or “It felt…” or “It feels…” or “It would feel…” Feeling Messages automatically, in baby-steps, help you be more authenic, vulnerable, open, and in touch with and more comfortable with yourself.”



  237.  #237Wildflower on August 14, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Right now I’m just trying to be around people as much as possible. I’m realizing even though I’m naturally on the quiet, introverted side I feel happiest when I’m around others. Then the times alone feel more special to me. Also they help “pull me out” of my own head.



  238.  #238Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 7:49 am


  239.  #239bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 7:50 am

    dancing siren !! i feel so excited about your haircut & how soft & strong you sound YAY



  240.  #240Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 7:55 am

    The most common individual problems that cause couple distress are:

    1. Constantly criticizing your partner; the tendency to feel criticized when you are not being criticized, and emotional overreaction when you are being criticized.

    2. The inability to communicate positive emotion; the tendency to feel unloved.

    http://www.nj-act.org/article8.html

    3. Being domineering and unable to see others’ viewpoints; unassertiveness, overconcern with pleasing your partner, and the resulting tendency to feel obligated and controlled.

    I also believe that overcoming these individual psychological problems is the most effective method for helping most couples.



  241.  #241MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Get up, stretch, go pee. Turn around and look at the fairy on my shoulder. She reminds me of who I was, who I am, who I want to be. She’s so beautiful. All black and grey and green. The 6 green orchids represent my wedding bouquet. Winding tangling pulling her down down down. Still she chose to fly. She looks at me over her left shoulder. On my left shoulder. A mirror of me in the mirror looking at me looking at her. She looks like me. Shannon altered my art without asking and she was born a carbon copy of who I was that day I decided to fly. Bubbles. Tiny bubbles rise up around her. My feelings are often bubbles. Some kind of tiny bubbles or big round wobbly bubbles. On my skin. In my belly. Tickling my brain. Shannon does good bubbles. They look real. So strong, yet fragile. Tensile strength. Surface break. Full of air. No solidity. No rigitity. Beauty. Here. Then gone. POP! Every single aspect has meaning. Transparent wings. See who she is beyond her ability to fly. She’s just a naked girl. Bare. Flower in her hair. I want to tattoo a tiny fairy on her left shoulder. A mirror of her in the mirror looking at her looking at me looking at them. I would change nothing.

    Journal entry #10.



  242.  #242Rebecca on August 14, 2012 at 8:10 am

    LoveAlway, FW

    Thanks for posting! Wow, what a fantastic read – I’m gonna have to read it a few times to properly get into it, but I’m feeling realing amazed.



  243.  #243bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 8:34 am

    thick twisting in the cave of my belly. round & dark & unknown. writhing like indiana jones’ pit of snakes. ooooh scary………. mmmm allow pleasant feeling – lift the curtain on the drama, let the sunlight in. ruins the show, but, yes i do feel better. “imagine ice melting” that’s what my swim coach used to say. but i still threw up at every meet. mmmm i love donuts… blueberry cake donuts – yum

    i feel weird about electricity. i feel weird about wires in the walls. i feel “ouch” about the computer screens. i feel “ah, are you human?” to see the big screen apparitions in my living room.

    my fingers are small & there are scrapes & burns & scratches all over my small human body (((((girl))))) ouch ! hmmm it’s difficult or it feels difficult to keep my little self safe. want a pxstol ! lol… so weird…. do i ? want a double crxssbxw… ?! oh yeah ? you’re a weirdo, little girl. want leather pants & a double crxssbxw & a pxstol & a long rifle. OMG you are a super hero or something ?? i’m like, vigilante justice. the community defender. i’ll take out the wild boars LOL omg thank you that sounds impressive

    i like fire & i like the smell of fire & i like the smell of food in the fire. hm. caves…. crops…. children… what ???? what is it that you want little girl ? who are you ? mmm i’m a tree fairy yum hmm i feel so curious what that looks like in this world….



  244.  #244CurvySiren10 on August 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

    FW, thank you! I am familiar with John Gottman. My partner and I are researching the subject of resentment and conflict resolution in relationships (and creating a site and book on the topic) and I feel super interested in learning more when I read things like what you wrote. Thanks again!



  245.  #245bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 8:39 am

    mmmm miss stix that reminds me of this song by atmosphere: “the woman with the tatooed hands”

    I used to know this woman
    who had the most beautiful tattoos
    on the top sides of both of her hands
    she was forty three years old
    and as far as I know had never yet been with a man
    its not that she wasn’t attractive – she was beautiful –
    but it’s the way that she interacted
    she was aggressively passive to the point where she
    would of intimidated any mitt that ever tried to catch her
    on the right hand she had a tattoo of a nude girl
    she claimed it is what God resembled
    but on the left she had a mirrored image of the same female
    and this one she explained looked like the devil
    I remember once watching her touch her own breasts
    how the tattoos smiled as they stared down her stomach
    as if anticipating would they be allowed to caress
    the sweet flower that they both seemed to hunger (sweet flower)
    now maybe I was high but it felt so right
    heaven and hell both take to this womans womb
    it didn’t make sense how she could commence
    touching herself with me wide awake in the same room
    now if I’ve learned anything in my years (my years)
    I learned I no longer believe in surprise (in surprise)
    but what happened next damn near stole my tears
    the tattoos came alive right in front of my eyes
    they both slowly stood up and climbed off her hands
    and showed me why she never took some time with a man
    they climbed deep inside of this woman’s garden
    she closed her eyes and she gently bit her bottom lip
    I stepped I left and I don’t regret leaving
    and I’ll never forget all the things I saw that evening
    a glimpse of religion a piece of coming closer
    to understanding more about what intrigues me most
    I didn’t get turned on I just got turned
    I wasn’t as aroused as I was concerned
    for each one of em I’ve hurt
    and every time I’ve been burned
    I’ve got a lot to teach but even more to learn
    so now I keep my eyes open hoping to take in all I can
    about Woman taking in all she can
    and for as long as I breath i’ll save a seat in my memory
    for that woman with the tattooed hands

    There’s good and evil in each individual fire
    identifies needs and feeds our desires
    as long as we keep our spirit inspired
    she can bite her bottom lip all she wants



  246.  #246bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 8:41 am

    miss stix, i just went into moderation, but your comment reminds me of a song by atmosphere, “the woman with the tattooed hands” : ))) & it’s on youtube if you want to look it up : )



  247.  #247MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 8:48 am

    ooo thx bloom-ing! I don’t think i’ve heard it! *youtubes*



  248.  #248bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 8:49 am

    fingers on my temples – shocking how solid i feel. i used to try to whisper things into the hands of my first lover…. last night on the couch i was feeling so lost, so i just tried to show the inside of my mind – flying shapes & the panic of time-pass… those super-saturated colors… the house in the woods – all those things & i did feel the connection was made



  249.  #249MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Shivers.

    RAP I can chew on!

    In your words…Yum 🙂



  250.  #250April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 9:03 am

    It was the very thing my mind, my pride, did not want to do – I felt my feelings. In WM’s presence.

    I did not explain or defend myself or try to convey how his cold hard logic tapped at my ribs like a steel hammer.

    I just felt. I felt my helplessness.
    I cried.

    He carried on talking about practical matters.

    I allowed myself to stay a while, weeping, not really listening but asking my heart to show me my compassion.

    After a few minutes I said thank you. I felt desolate and hopeless as to our connection.

    I went away to take care of me.

    I went and built a bonfire and burned a stack of old bills and letters that have been hanging around since 2006!

    That felt good.
    But afterwards I felt sticky and smokey and a little drained.

    So I took a fantastic shower, and washed all the old crap off my skin and out of my hair.

    I feel so clean and tingly.



  251.  #251Rose on August 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Rori,
    I would like to thank you for all the help you are giving to all women. I have got your ebook and your emails and it has helped a lot. But I have a problem that I have not ever seen or heard of before. Any help would be appreciated
    I have been married twice, first time was a nightmare. Lots of abuse to me and the kids, I finally left when I found out he was molesting the kids. Second time was a lot better but still horrible, I kept hopping that he would leave as I knew, if I did he would hound me forever. During this time he never had a job for more than 6 months. The last several years were like a prison for both our daughter and I. We never knew when he would fly off the handle and burn the house down with all of us in it, or shoot us like he threatened. His health went from bad to worse and he got cancer over three years ago. We got hardly any sleep for the last two years. He hated everyone but mostly himself and took it out on everyone. Sometimes we look back and wonder how we survived. He left over a year ago, after 28 years of marriage he went back to his ex-wife who had just gotten a big inheritance. He died eight months later.
    I have had no problem finding guys who wanted to get involved with me. I had several who wanted to move in the day after he left. I didn’t date for over a year. I finally went out with this guy that I have known for 18 years. He is completely different from anything I have ever had. It was like a dream come true. I never asked him if he was married as I did not know he was even married to the gal he had been living with for the last 11 years. But I knew she had moved out almost 2 years before. Things moved very quickly for us. Then he told me that he had not gotten around to getting a divorce but would have to now. I was ok with that. Two weeks later he left for a weekend with a buddy. He asked his ex to stop in and take care of the dog, when he came home she had quit her job and moved back in his house. She stayed two weeks till she got a job. He told me he mows her lawn, paints her house, and balances her check book. Now she brings her dog and cat and leaves them with him while she works, as her house is like 70 miles away from where she works. She is a live in caregiver so when she gets off for the weekend if she is too tired she crashes in his spare bedroom. He says there is no sex between them, that this is only like a business thing. Maybe I am crazy but I believe him. I have known him for many years and he has never lied to me before. In fact everyone says she is gay. I have found out that she makes fun of him, about his first wife. They were married 46 years four kids and were very happy, she died. And now she tells him that if his first wife could see him she would be mad and really give him a piece of her mind. That she would not approve. She made him get rid of everything he had with first wife even photos with the kids. I knew first wife he was a sweetheart.
    He has made the remark that he would like to get a new place and move, I feel he wants to get away from her. He calls my daughter, his stepdaughter. He is an awesome very caring man. I don’t know what to do sometimes he comes and sees me for several hours just to talk, and then sometimes he pulls away and I don’t hear from him for a day or two, but he always tells me what he is doing and where he is. But I feel like the other women and I don’t like it. If I had known he was still married I never would have gone out with him. I have started circular dating and I think that will help. I know I have not been open with my feeling with him as I have not wanted to get hurt, and I realize that a lot of these communication problems are my fault. I really do care for the guy. And I have had a lot of trust issues but am getting over them. Sometimes I feel like running and never stopping, but then I also know that is not the answer, plus if there is a chance for the two of us I do not want to blow it.



  252.  #252MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 9:16 am

    (((april rose)))

    cleansing.



  253.  #253Simply Goddess on August 14, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Hello Sirens, its been a while.. (..and not because I have had no drama, I have.)

    Well one of the problems I am having with my bf right now is that he keeps everything from me and lies and sneaks..
    We were supposed to be going on a luxury holiday.. I was strung along for a long time not knowing what was happening and then suddenly ‘he gave the holiday money to his mum and she wont give it him back’ :/ ..and also ‘I havent been paid!”

    So after months an months (him spending £500 of my money without asking – he was ‘saving for the holiday so couldnt touch his’ was his excuse) ad other things.. We are not going on this luxury holiday now..

    Also, he had a drug test at work and lost his job.. 🙁

    I could go on..

    Problem is, I’m sick of him not sharing anything with me.. So much goes on and is just kept from me.. He doesn’t tell me things.. How can I go on in a relatioship like that.. There’s no trust because of it..

    If I mention anything his new thing is to get up and leave.. will not answer the phone, then sends me lots of messages saying he ‘cant cope with me’ he’s ‘had enough’ ‘it’s over.
    I’m at a point where I am afraid to ask him or get bothered by anything he does because I know he will leave.. He comes back later once whatever he’s done is blown over and isn’t mentioned.. It feels like manipulation and control..

    I’ve been so supportive with him losing his job etc but yet I get ‘its over’ he ‘cant cope’ everytime he does something and I get upset.. He twists it as though its me!!

    Going through this right now.. What do I do.. I cant live in a relationship like this.. 🙁

    Sorry if that’s rambling at all xxx



  254.  #254Wildflower on August 14, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Yay I feel so happy! Another really nice man that I feel good around told me he wants to get together. I’m also tentatively signed up for a speedating if they have my age group. Honestly I feel fine either way. I don’t know if I want to do internet dating right now. The thought kind of feels blah and tedious to me. What feels better is getting out and meeting people in real life. I believe Miss Bells was the person who wrote about all of the ways she was going to CD (meetup groups, concerts, etc). I felt inspired when I read that so thank you Miss Bells! Who knows maybe I’ll change my mind but for now this seems like a good plan.



  255.  #255VW on August 14, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Radlove,

    hmm…citing Kat*rina, after all these years on the blog and doing personal work (known you for two), tells me you are just as ‘confused’ as she is…I call her ‘coaching’ style gazpacho …a mix of attitude, manipulation, game playing, mix and match of words that don’t fit her personality, leaving in an absolute denial…I admit I loooove her attitude though…i like the energy…

    As to the comment of being a bad person…again…what you described is just the ‘surface’…and ‘surface’ is not TRUTH…Being willing to go beneath a few more layers…takes courage…but guess what?! doing that forces one to take responsibility for how they think of themselves…Ups…and that responsibility might mean we have to get up and make it happen for us…instead of waiting to happen…There is always a choice…Gosh, I love my inner judgmental bitch!!!



  256.  #256Daria on August 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

    wow April Rose that felt fascinating to read, these moments seem so powerful and magical like a fantasy novel



  257.  #257Daria on August 14, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Simply Goddess – i wouldn’t want to be there either.

    I would take some time to be with me and take baby steps from there to really love myself … and find WHY – what my patterns are – that I have been there with a man where i’m treated so poorly

    ((((Simply Goddess))))

    I hope you find the love for yourself to leave.



  258.  #258Jilly on August 14, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Hi Sirens!! 🙂

    Just checking in..I am feeling so much happier and more peaceful…WOW…even though I KNOW I feel anxious around my cycle…and have awareness that I feel worse around those times…the relief I feel after is amazing…

    Things feel great with Rugby Man 🙂 it feels good and smooth and easy still…he is so affectionate…it melts me 😉 yum!



  259.  #259Annie on August 14, 2012 at 9:49 am

    🙂 I feel amused:

    What do others think?

    I’m Neat, He’s Messy–What Can I Do?
    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    August 13, 2012

    Is your partner’s messiness driving you crazy? Discover how to resolve this issue in your relationship.

    When we meet and fall in love with someone, we often don’t think about what might seem like minor differences, which can later turn into major conflicts. One of these differences that frequently occurs with my clients is neatness vs. messiness.

    Vanessa, in one of our Skype sessions, said:

    “I’m a naturally neat person and my husband, Derek, is very messy. I’m constantly picking up after him and I hate it. I’ve talked to him about it, letting him know that neatness is very important to me and that I feel crabby and overwhelmed when things are messy, but nothing changes. It makes me feel very uncared about, and I don’t know what to do.”

    “Vanessa, when did you first notice Derek’s messiness?”

    “Oh, the first time he picked me up in his car. His car was a mess, and so was his apartment. I know that should have been a warning sign, but I was so attracted to him and we connected so deeply that I figured this would iron itself out.”

    “So you either thought this was no big deal or that it would change?”

    “Yes. But it’s turned out to be a really big deal and it’s not changing at all.”

    I hear this over and over, not just around messiness, but around many other issues such as drinking, drug use, smoking, anger, withdrawal, lack of affection, lack of sexuality, lying, food, weight and health issues, lack of personal hygiene, money and debt issues and so on. Many people enter relationships with a big, often unconscious, false belief: “I can get this person to change.”

    I tell people over and over again, “You get what you see. If you are not okay with the way the person is right now, then end the relationship before getting more deeply involved. The person may or may not change, but you can’t change them. And change is very unlikely unless the person is already on a path of personal growth and wants to heal the issue. If the issue is not perceived by them as a problem, then it is unlikely that change will occur, no matter how much the issue is a problem for you and no matter how much you love that person. So, either accept it or leave.

    What if you are already in the relationship, like Vanessa? Let’s go back to her issue of a messy husband.

    “Vanessa, what if you stopped taking this personally? After all, you knew about this before you married Derek, so it really has nothing to do with you. I know you believed that if you loved each other enough, he would change, but this isn’t true.”

    “That would help me not feel so uncared about, but I would still have the issue itself that drives me crazy. What can I do to take care of myself with his messiness?”

    I gave Vanessa a couple of ideas, that were based in what she had shared with me over the time we had worked together:

    She could let Derek know that if she picks up something he has left lying around—other than in his own space such as his office – she will hide it for a week and extend it for longer if it keeps happening. She can make a game of it for herself, enjoying finding hiding places.

    She could find a way to earn enough money to pay for someone to come in every day to clean up.

    The key is that both of these ideas are about what Vanessa could do for herself, rather than continuing to try to change Derek—which is never going to work. Each situation is going to require a unique, and sometimes very creative, approach.

    Vanessa decided to try the first one, since earning more money was not currently available to her. Derek laughed at her when she first told him, not believing that she would actually do this. Then, the first time she did it, hiding his favorite jacket, he was furious. Vanessa stood her ground. The next day Derek tested her again, leaving his papers from work all over the table. Swallowing hard, since she knew he needed these papers, and she knew he knew this, she hid the papers. He was again very angry.

    From that day on, Derek never left anything that was important to him lying around. Vanessa still had to hide socks and underwear and other articles of clothing, which she ended up doing for a month at a time. Eventually, Derek missed his clothing enough that he started to pick them up.

    By taking loving care of herself, rather than trying to change Derek, Vanessa was able to solve the problem for herself. Even if Derek hadn’t started to pick things up, Vanessa would have been okay, since she enjoyed finding hiding places!



  260.  #260bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

    i got a sammich from the coffee shop & the lady said “oh it comes with a side, take a piece of fruit or some chips” i love her shop. it’s all family & sometimes the girl brings her baby in : ))) yayyy & they cook the food & make the sandwiches…. i love to see that. feels so good

    i feel kinda wimpy

    i know i’m doing ok though because i was feelin wimpy in my chair at work, sipping a soda because my tummy felt weird even after my sammich….. & i just got the phrase “gentle camel” in my mind…. so i googled it & found articles about a yoga pose with that name that is good for digestion & for reversing the effects of prolonged sitting ((((((((gifts)))))))) i don’t know “who” gave me that gift or “how” but i love magical miracles…. yum thank you



  261.  #261MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Annie

    I like that article!

    I don’t know if the idea of her hiring someone to clean sat well with me.

    I’d rather scoop up all his stuff and charge him a dollar for every item I pick up and put away and keep the money for myself.

    But in my marriage I found that paying for things to make up for his inability to take care of himself made things worse every time. Because I resented paying for those things.

    if he can’t cook for me on occasion…buying dinner when I don’t feel like cooking isn’t a solution.

    Otherwise-very good article!



  262.  #262bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 10:17 am

    i’m feeling so Feminist & so fourth-wave right now…. surfing that movement & trying to get a feel for what i Really Want



  263.  #263bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

    art is old. my baby is precious. i’m a princess — ooh ! i feel so unworthy !!!! yum i love to get that feeling & surprise myself – NO ! you ARE !!!! wow (((hugs))) ! thank you….



  264.  #264bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 10:20 am

    my baby was telling me how i’m on the pedestal for him – he told me there is glass around me to keep me safe… i told him – ok, but just know that i’m also a tree.



  265.  #265Smile on August 14, 2012 at 10:20 am

    It feels better now I’ve had time away. I wrote in my journal to acknowledge my feelings. That felt the best way to acknowledge how I felt. I feel like sharing again 🙂

    I feel excited to pack for my holidays now.



  266.  #266bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 10:25 am

    feel so scared. i made risotto with thin-sliced mushrooms & some spinach with pine nuts & raisins. i love spinach with pine nuts & raisins. i even paid a million pennies for the dumb pine nuts from China just so i could have some. blahhhhhh china nuts. why ??? rotten nuts. baby lk calm down. YUM i like to eat & i love to cook. feel so defensive about women in the kitchen. feels tense – i’m not “working” omg do you not see ??? i’m making magic ! i’m an alchemist yum thank you…. i’m not working, it’s my privilege & pleasure. that’s true. how come i get defensive ? DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. seriously. do not use that tone of voice with me.

    my baby said “if you think i’m sounding condescending, sweetie, you need to let me know because that isn’t ok & i need to change it” mmmmm really ? really ? i can do that ??? you will do that ????? so scary i feel tensed up – dense like mercury MMMMM magical yummy : )))



  267.  #267bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 10:46 am

    MMMMMMMM i made apple pie. felt so home-y. i love to be home & i love to cook. i want the kitchen. i’m a woman & i desire to be at home. i do not desire to “work out in the world” – why ? i do not desire “fame” or “recognition” – i do desire “a voice” – a Loud one. lol ok ok sassy girl….

    i remember sobbing in my friend’s basement one new year’s eve…….. we were sitting against bunk beds – just cross-legged in the carpet drinking whiskey, me crying & crying…… SOBBING so sad poor girl…. & i had been taking all these “women & gender studies” classes………. & i felt –
    1) angry
    2) ANGRY
    3) sad & rejected

    because…. i like to knit. & i want babies. & i like dresses. & pink. & i love yellow & purple too. i love teal. i love bubbles. i love the sea. i love play-time. i’m a soft-y. i like to cook. i love to cook. i love to cook for humans. i love to cook really healthy things. i love to make weird things – things no one else would think of. i like to make pizza but i use squash sliced thin as the “sauce” & “cheese” – tastes so rich but it’s vegan ! hoorah ! i’m not a vegan. i like salami now yummy but if i ever decide i want to stop eating meat again i just will. i didn’t eat meat for 13 years & then i just started. MMMM i love salami ! i love to eat spicy chicken. i want to try making fish crusted with hummus…. yum….. i feel happy & creative & blooming – ooooh yum i do i do….. scared of myself too. scared of – gosh, how do i ??? oh, the “hows” i got that this morning. swim off ! swim off ! back into the flow can i ? can i ? mm i want a hug from my friend. i feel like a baby. who or what kind of society puts humans indoors like this ? hmmm…… yay ! hug myself mmmm cuddle baby yayyyy



  268.  #268Simply Goddess on August 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

    …. 🙁 ‘sigh’

    Stuck in love but knowing things are probably never going to change..

    Feel manipulated and controlled with him leaving and not speaking to me and ‘ending it’ over every little thing.. unless I decide to stop mentioning said things and brush them under the carpet.. doesnt feel good.. at all.



  269.  #269Starla on August 14, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I am feeling really freaking turned off after a chat I just had with WarriorCD. He’s apologized for it since, and tried to back out of his words, and I even told him I feel defensive and like listing off all of my academic accomplishments and I don’t want to feel defensive and competitive with a man, but I still feel incredibly turned off and I regret that we have concert tickets tonight. I sorta don’t like how I feel around him now…

    WarriorCD [after telling me about some nerdy tech thing he bought]: see when you say your a nerd.
    your not at the level I consider people nerds
    I am not saying I am nerd either
    but man I know some F*CKING NERDS!

    Me: i guess if you define nerd by only technology stuff then you’re right
    whatever
    i don’t have to sit here and take these insults. [joke]

    Him: no not even just by tech stuff
    I am even including history/writers/english nerds as well in that statemnet. you might be at that level. But I haven’t seen it yet.
    ________________________________

    I feel freaking insulted and turned off, ladies. I haven’t alienated him by getting into the masculine and going on and on about intellectual stuff, so now he thinks i’m not all that intelligent. Not “at that level.” F8ck him.
    :'(



  270.  #270Simply Goddess on August 14, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Why does he leave after every argument/disagreement..
    Why does he also say it’s over after every one too.. as though it’s me.. Argh.. Really want to understand..

    I’m guessing he knows if he does something he can avoid discussing or even acknowledging it by leaving.. Then sayig it is over leave me wanting his attention.. Till I just give in and dont mention it so as to not ‘rock the boat’ again. An so.. nothing is ever resolved…



  271.  #271MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Goddess

    I don’t know why a man would that…Always choose ending it over working on it.

    I know why I did it…Wayyyyy back in the beginning of my relationship with ex husband before we got married.

    Because I was too scared to really deal with the hard stuff. Because I thought if we fought or yelled or pushed or pulled it meant we weren’t really in love. We weren’t really right for each other.

    I don’t know where that came from my parents fought and yelled sometimes but were always in love. 40 years now.

    I just know I was scared.



  272.  #272MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Maybe I was right in the end. But I was wrong in those moments.

    Maybe those moments contributed to our downfall.

    Ick. No more maybes or what ifs.



  273.  #273Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 11:26 am

    (((((((((((((April Rose)))))))))))))))))
    You are a true siren



  274.  #274Daria on August 14, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Simply Goddess – a toxic relationship accoriding to Rori is one where theres an investment in nothing changing…

    it sounds like what’s going on with your guy

    Toxic Men is a great program… to get in touch with our own selves about what attracts us to this and how to communicate in these situations



  275.  #275Tam on August 14, 2012 at 11:30 am

    The right man will not run. The right man will understand and be there for me.

    What if there is no right man?

    What if I met my man 18 years ago and gambled it away because we were too young and moved to different countries for jobs.

    What if this is it?

    Then all will be ok as well, I suppose.



  276.  #276Rori Raye on August 14, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Rose – The program of mine you need is “Toxic Men” – and I’d encourage you to get professional help. Even a clinic would be helpful for you to have someone to talk to. Your pattern of abusive men is now improved with a non-abusive but complicated situation that is not meeting your basic needs. There is so much you need to discover about yourself – and men are not adding to your life. You are attracting troubled men – and though this one is WAY better…there is so much more for you than this. When you heal yourself – it all shows up differently out there in the world. Love, Rori



  277.  #277Tam on August 14, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Simply Goddess, don’t waste years of your life. You have a choice, you know?
    Choose you.



  278.  #278Belle on August 14, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Starla

    I heard that you aren’t at that level of **nerdness**.

    Did you hear you aren’t at the intellectual level of the writers/teachers/english nerds?

    Or are you really feeling insulted that he doesn’t think you have reached the level of uber-nerddom that he is considers a “F*CKING NERD”?
    I’m feeling curious and amused!



  279.  #279Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Orna Walters says:
    Thank you Rori! Matthew and I feel so blessed to have your support.

    Our private coaching has expanded to include couples. All of our coaching is deep inner work to remove blocks to love and access True Heart’s Desire.

    Ladies, check out our Video Series “Let Your Heart Rule” at our site http://www.CreatingLoveOnPurpose.com

    Matthew and I are thrilled to see our Love Notes posted in the blog. We are here to support you on your path to love!

    Love and Abundance,
    Orna



  280.  #280bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

    mmm starla, i know you’re smart & you know you’re smart……………. i feel interested about your “that level” trigger….. what do you think ? is that something you tell yourself or have you been told that before ? ((((starla)))) hi ! mmm a concert sounds FUN : ))) & he is “just” your chaperone, remember ? yay : )



  281.  #281Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Me too Belle. It is amazing how much focus we give to men’s words and how much power we give them.



  282.  #282Starla on August 14, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Belle, I’m not sure.



  283.  #283Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

    I’ve bought Broadway tickets for a man before. He was only grateful and he talks that it is the only Broadway show he has ever been to.



  284.  #284Starla on August 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

    mostly i feel triggered because i have sensed him talking down to me a few times since we started dating, and i feel like i’m always passing his little quizzes and stuff.



  285.  #285lilybelly on August 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

    270:

    This feels terrible to me. My stomach feels all tightened up.

    He does it as a way to “keep you in line” with threats and manipulations and control. It feels awful and will break your self-esteem and strip you of your power..

    Choose YOU as Tam said.. This isn’t love. Or at least, not the kind I would chose for anyone.



  286.  #286Starla on August 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

    also, he said that he said it because nothing i’ve said has yet to go over his head.

    well, you’re welcome, guy!



  287.  #287Starla on August 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

    and i was also going to talk to him about not being so grabby and physically aggressive with me, and now it just feels like a mountain of problems.



  288.  #288Simply Goddess on August 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    It still really hurts me.. but it’s starting to hurt less and less the more it happens..

    The problems and issues in the relatioship are one thing.. But this leaving and ending it if I disagree with anything.. well..

    I guess it’s hurting less and less each time.. I used to text him, want him to come back..
    I’m learning to just leave him to it.. but still.. where does it end.. Even though it’s happening alot.. I still take him ‘ending it’ as him ending it.. It hurts..



  289.  #289Simply Goddess on August 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    The sad thing is knowing yourself you should end it, but just not being able to end it for the sake of the good times..

    I just wish all his problems could be resolved and he’d face them rather than run..

    ‘sigh’



  290.  #290bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    i feel scared. my tummy hurts & it’s hurt for days. like a week & a day. nausea & shaky feeling. mmm ouch. hm. taking more hormones & feel it’s related ? ouch ouch ouch feel woozy, shaky ick

    if i were pregnant… that would feel exciting. & very scary ! hmmm… hugs little girl. i feel ok. ouch.

    “maybe i just drank too much water” “maybe it’s all this electricity” lol… ok…. idk. i just try to do my best. i’m trying to take care of myself ! maybe my mama will help me tonight : ) hugs mama



  291.  #291MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Today I start 5 days of evening shifts. (((neck discs))) They hurt but Dr says play through the pain. “work will be good for you. support your neck with your muscles. you will be ok.”

    G works day shifts. 5 days I won’t see him. He’s going to miss me! I see it in his face. I hear it in his words…

    “What am I going to do with 5 whole days without you??”

    giggle “well you’ll mix records and play vids and hang with your roomies…”

    “I guess. But i’ll have no one to bug…”

    🙂 “you’re cute and I like you”

    “I like you too missstix” <—he gave me the nick when we first met and uses it often.

    We say "I like you" more often than "I love you". We say "I love you" lots too. "I like you" feels good. I can love someone and not like them very much. We like each other very much.

    I'm convinced men like scrunched up red faced grumpy stix! Keep poke poke poking at me and the hotter and scrunchier my face gets the harder they laugh.

    I do it on purpose sometimes. I grrrrrowl. They laugh. and poke harder.

    "Grrrr stop it!!!"

    "hahahaha look how riled you are! It's cute!"

    "I'm not cute i'm annnnnngry!"

    "hahahahaha awe muffin."

    Men are easy peasy fresh and breezy! Makes me want to dance around them on tippy toes laughing "catch me if you can silly man!".



  292.  #292Belle on August 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Starla

    I feel curious – are you feeling defensive? Does something hurt?



  293.  #293bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    i want blankets & books & pens & journals & big thick sheets of paper & trees. i knew it ! you’re a hermit. meanie. stop yelling at me. i just want to tell you what i want. peppermint tea (((girl))) ouch. i want help. i want dirt & animals. children ???? yes, i like children ! all the children & i can give birth. (maybe) ok hm i don’t know all-everything about you…. “lineage” ok. mm all the women, all the men. shaky cold in my heart. breathe there for warm strength. wiggle tremor mmmmmm out of control little girl mmmm this poor human…. & “all the time in the world” smiles in my mind but a disappointed eye-hang. “hanging smiles” crooked like a painting. i like that image : ) mmmm eye-hang… droop of brow….saggy cheeks….lips like — touching like — hmmmmmmm push purse – don’t let anything in or out !



  294.  #294Belle on August 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    I feel annoyed. Irritated.

    My co-worker has been playing cards with us again at lunch. It drives me crazy. I feel so intensely attracted to him and at the same time, when we are close I feel like I want to hit him. Only really I don’t, I want a hug. It’s the push-pull dynamic, only there’s no one else playing, it’s just me.

    I feel so angry. I feel those combative feelings like I want to hit him, and I act aggressively when we are playing. Often it’s fun, but days like today there is an edge of pain underneath, where I feel serious, like I really want to lash out at him (tears rising now). I see his plate of food, and imagine his girlfriend cooks for him. I feel sharp stabs of jealousy. Maybe she doesn’t, maybe he cooks for himself but I don’t know and I don’t want to ask because I imagine I’ll feel even deeper stabs of jealousy. I honestly don’t think it would bother him to see me feeling vulnerable around that but I’m tired of feeling so much pain, I don’t want to add any more, and it doesn’t seem appropriate anyway. He’s someone else’s boyfriend (and husband, haha) and he has enough women always spilling their guts to him anyway and I don’t want to be just another one of the emotional women that uses him as a sounding board. It feels bad, it seems to me that it’s just a role he plays because he loves the drama and I want to be different. Haha, maybe if I just gave in and let myself be psycho stalker woman like he’s used to we’d both feel relieved 🙂

    How can an attraction that feels so good also feel so bad at the same time?

    I feel prickly, contracted, burning pain and a big fat lump of something that feels stuck, like stagnant, pervasive sadness in channel from my throat down to my pelvis. I feel like crying and I don’t know why. I just want to feel comfortable and at ease with him and not be triggered by him over and over.
    I feel tired of feeling triggered. I want to feel neutral. I want a fuller life and a wider range of experiences of men so I don’t even have the attention for this guy anymore. My feet are pointed away from him in my mind. Sigh….relief.



  295.  #295Belle on August 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Wings….oh, right…wings…
    giggling and laughter now, thank you, Rori!



  296.  #296Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    We don’t have to “move on” from any man. “Moving On” sounds to me like you’re stepping over his dead body and moving onto the next man. Instead – just imagine moving Forward (not Leaning Forward when you’re with a man, but moving forward in your life…using your masculine energy to help you, yes…).

    YOU CHOSE him.

    This is NOT about heartbreak. He was a disaster all along. It was your judgment, your self-esteem that was the problem then…and it doesn’t have to be that way now…

    You DON’T HAVE TO BE THERE!

    This means you can CHOOSE to be there or not when you don’t feel good about what’s going on.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/from-pain-to-power-its-not-heartbreak-he-did-to-you-its-yours/



  297.  #297Starla on August 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    “and I even told him I feel defensive and like listing off all of my academic accomplishments and I don’t want to feel defensive and competitive with a man”

    sorry, i know my initial comment was a bit long, maybe you missed this.



  298.  #298bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    my friend gave me a peppermint. buckets full of fear. feels like bailing water out of a leaky canoe.

    why ?

    no. not “why”. just is. ok thanks. oh yeah, i see. “litany” of “everything” mmm

    pitch-y movements in my mind. “sea-sick”

    “just keep swimming” that’s cute. PONYO !!! that’s really cute.

    maybe i should just leave & “go home” to my mama. she’s out. i’d be alone. sounds nice, but sounds “like a waste” – i see. thank you. yes, keep on.

    miracle. magic. unicorns : ))) yum yay glitter & fairy dust & sparkles & crowns of flowers. awww sad i missed the summer solstice. aw, you didn’t “miss” it ! you were where you were. good girl. bonfires & “miss my cousin” awww (((family)))

    my heart’s a garden & i like those thorny plants, but they feel difficult to prune ! hmmmmmm yummy ……… sidewayz brain

    ick. the way some men email. i like the gentle fun kisses

    mmmm kissing cd last night… felt like we’d never kissed before. mmm how is that ? hows. hows & whys. OH that makes me feel instantly better.

    ok slow we go. mm that’s the way that’s easy for me – SLOW.

    slow me down, heart, mind, organs. “over-stimulated” i hear you.

    going out in the sunshine would feel nice. yes.

    chewing a peppermint & i feel hopeful. wonder why that word seems silly. it’s not “hopeful” is it ? what word is it…… i feel…………. Open ?

    “there has to be another way” oh i like that. i really love that. “& we set out to find it”



  299.  #299MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    starla has nothing to prove. If this man doesn’t see her intelligence he is clearly the ignorant one. “Nerd” doesn’t feel feminine on my lips anyway. It feels small and hunched and hyper focused on “whys” and “hows”. Mystical feels feminine on my tongue. Wide open to everything. Mysterious knowlege. Does she know? Doesn’t she know? She exudes all knowing without a need to prove it to anyone.



  300.  #300CurvySiren10 on August 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    bloom-ing, I don’t know why but I keep feeling a “pregnant” vibe based on your posts the last few days…



  301.  #301Daria on August 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    oops i read some stuff abt me and the interactions here on the Fb page, and i passive agressively ‘liked’ the posts that i thought were judging me

    and now i feel all drawn in and obsessive about that
    🙁

    crap

    im really having a hard time with the judgement that because i havent been in an ltr (ok i have but suppose that i hadnt)

    im not Credible

    to me a huge part of Rori’s work is about how being single and CDing is so much prefferable to being in unsatisfying LTRs

    so why is this bothering me so much ?

    am i judging myself?



  302.  #302Smile on August 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Can anyone give me insight into this please…

    I’ve noticed that two out of the 3 guys I’ve been in exclusive relationships with have both been ‘lost’. I use that term to describe their lack of desiring a career and having the ability to have one but feeling a bit ‘lost’ about how to get there. This has made them withdrawn, like’ lost’ their purpose a bit in life.

    Does this reflect on me and the type of guy I choose? I have always had a good career and went to university?



  303.  #303Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    (((((((((((((((((((Daria)))))))))))))))))))



  304.  #304lilybelly on August 14, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    300:

    Me too!



  305.  #305Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Smile I believe everyone is in different stages of their life. You just interacted with them at that stage. It might be because of their age and not being sure what they want for their life purpose. I feel confident it has nothing to do with you.



  306.  #306Smile on August 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    ((Daria))



  307.  #307Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    RE 300 me too but I stop myself from asking.



  308.  #308Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Daria I feel myself feeling judgemental of what I think of as gossip outside the blog about people’s lives.



  309.  #309Smile on August 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Thank you feminiewoman

    this has been the biggest thing that I have dealt with in my relationships, men not knowing what they want to do with their life. It’s where both of these long term relationships have fallen down, although not the only factor I’m aware but a large contribution to the break ups.

    I just starting seeing a connection and didn’t want to miss anything I wasn’t seeing.



  310.  #310bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    starla, i’m hearing you say that you feel defensive hearing him “question” your “Nerd”-status… & that you feel competitive…. i’m feeling confused though because i just hear him talking…. not questioning you at all or de-valuing you….. men moving their mouths & words come out….. he might be “giving you a compliment” ! i’m imagining a different thing from “nerd-power” & “nerd-love” where someone “goes off” on a tangent……. like “socially awkward” (((hugs to humans, hugs to me))) where… it’s not even like “smart” or like “knows so much” it’s like “does not understand the concept of ‘eyes glazing over'” & judgment of those people as “annoying” or even “impossible”…….. & saying “not over my head” hmmm i hear maybe his own “defensive / competitive” reaction to ….. idk… “being in trouble” ? with a pretty girl !…. so him being like, yes, ma’am – you are a brilliant one, but don’t worry ! i can keep up ! what do you think?



  311.  #311Daria on August 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    ok i made a 🙁 face instead, which i feel sooo relieved expresses really well how i feel

    and i felt some relief and then went and ‘unliked’ the posts i had liked that i didn’t like

    whew

    ok im feeling smily

    im just gonna ignore this what feels as a storm around me and assume everything is healing and settling in a lovely way



  312.  #312Smile on August 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Bloom-ing

    For me it’s your name that is giving me the pregnant vibe??



  313.  #313Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    thanks for the hugs ladies, that feels even better 🙂

    Femininewoman i had that word ‘gossip’ in my head going too and i wrote and deleted a few attacky style sarcastic messages

    i feel really vulnerable and am feeling way better even so going with the 🙁 face instead

    actually i feel totaly uniterested in that dynamic right now yay!

    freedom through staying with myself!



  314.  #314bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    ok…



  315.  #315Tam on August 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Smile, it is not a reflection of you but them and their ability to do relationship.
    I have found that men who were still trying to find ‘purpose’ were not able to do ‘relationship’ until they worked out their purpose. Men with a stable career were (in my life) more likely to commit and pushing forward the relationship.
    Maybe just my personal experience, but I believe men measure their worth on career, fibances etc much more so than we do…



  316.  #316lilybelly on August 14, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Daria,

    You ARE Credible.



  317.  #317bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    (((((((((Daria))))))))) i love you!



  318.  #318Smile on August 14, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Tam, I think you just hit the nail on the head. I feel a sense of relief that this is their stuff not mine. Although I recognise other factors as being mine to deal with.

    The one guy out of my 3 lol was the most available had a career and his own house.
    I feel sadness still that I just walked out because I couldn’t communicate but I forgive myself because I feel I’m healing and getting so much better at this now.

    He called today to tell me stuff I could do on holiday as he has been there before. He spent time and effort looking up stuff in the internet for me. That made my heart lighten and feel all smiley.

    When I answered the phone he laughed and said …aw, it’s been a while since I heard your voice
    It made me feel like he missed me. I’m going for a drink with him when I get back. I feel excited. 🙂



  319.  #319Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    i feel greatful for school because if i hadn’t been so good at school adn gotten huge standardized test scores

    i think i would think im pretty stupid by now

    and some men might think so too, like in the past cuz im not into doing traditional stuff, and i would have no ‘proof’ that im really a genius

    but now i can say well i get like perfect scores on Standardized Tests and they’re like wow you Are smart,

    and i feel resentful and sad that they might not think so otherwise

    i want to feel super confident in my smartness and encourage everyone to feel confident in theirs

    this makes it really easy for me to know that everyone is smart too



  320.  #320Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    thanks lilybelly and blooming



  321.  #321Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    im not actually sure that i feel greatful for school

    but i do have relief that i have ‘proof’ of my smartness that is the kinda proof that ‘works’ with ‘those people’

    and i feel resentful and pist that i ‘have to’ prove my smartness to them.

    and it feels amusing to watch them be shocked that i’m ‘smart’ according to them

    and they’re lkike but but but …

    you TALK GHETTO! ok that happened once maybe more than once

    i feel frustrated and resentful with the world that its doing this

    am i doing this?

    do i evaluate people on smartness i bet i do yes i do

    hmmm

    i want to heal this

    i fele like running away from this



  322.  #322MissStix on August 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Femininewoman and daria

    Your voices are not the only voices that are right and true.

    You get the word gossip in your minds..

    when you spoke to BW the way you did I had the word BULLIES in my mind.

    And gossip now. With what you’re saying.

    I can’t stomach this anymore. I came here because I thought i’d have a judgement free zone to state my feelings and struggles and triumphs. Those who speak of judgement now are passing the most judgement and craving accolades and trying to manipulate.

    And don’t bother even responding to this or do if you want I don’t care but your response won’t touch my eyes.



  323.  #323Tam on August 14, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Oh Smile that is nice!!!
    BTW, I walked out on my ‘available’ guy too, but it was ok because we were not right for each other. Much like you though, I recognised that perhaps things might have worked had I been more communicative and authentic….but hey, water under the bridge. Onwards and upwards 🙂



  324.  #324Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    ack got hit by a wall again

    yay celebration the attacky voices are talking about going away!

    guilt!

    i feel guilty for them talking about going away

    🙁

    i feel sad and also relieved thinking of a supportive feeling environment where we practice tools and I feel uplifted and loved

    attack to myself for caring about myself and feeling supported



  325.  #325Miss Bells on August 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I feel a lot of conflict on the blog. Nothing to do with me. But I feel it.



  326.  #326Tam on August 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    MissStix, I have been catching a little of that vibe too….but I tried to push it out of my mind by ‘imagining’ everyone here has everyone elses best interests at heart even though some stuff reads downright judgmental and blamey to me too….hm.
    Hugs to uncomfortable Sirens.



  327.  #327Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    im visioning where the people ‘going away’ are going to have healing experiences and come back in a different space where i feel supported by their voices

    that has happened before!

    maybe its healing that they ‘go away’ in drama and anger… and then return when ‘ready’ to be here

    rather than being here and not being ‘ready’ to participate in a way that encourages healing fully

    it’s like that toxic relationship thing, drag it out, without changing, and when the boat is rocked, it goes wild and sometimes men drop off and return when ready

    i feel guilty

    i feel unworthy to talk about this

    i feel afraid of getting more attacks

    i feel calm

    i feel SOOO Happy when i think of how much progress i’ve made in staying in feminine voice and not ‘losing it’

    i feel guilty for ‘going into masculine voice and ‘starting’ all these things’

    i forgive myself?



  328.  #328Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    ive got a ‘gift’ for making interactions really dramatic, even when it seems to be coming from outside

    i feel judgemental of myself for this happening to me in my fam and here and in other places

    i feel good about this too as i have so many cool stories

    how about intense and thrilling and meaningful and full of power?

    worth telling stories about



  329.  #329Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    i feel mistrustful



  330.  #330Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Daria your masculine voice is needed for coaching. It is a kind of catch 22 situation but I appreciate it.
    Your awareness and comments are helping me, when I am feeling open. I don’t always feel open.



  331.  #331Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Daria is this what Rori suggests we should expect when we use advanced FMs?



  332.  #332Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    FeminineWoman – Rori suggests that sometimes after ‘rocking the boat’ there may be anger coming at us (good!) and we are to facilitate it

    (and take care of ourselves by walking away when we can’t handle it “oh i feel so glad we’re talking about this, and i can’t really handle being talked to this way, and i really want to hear your anger… im gonna take a walk and itd feel great to talk later” )

    I feel a bit judgemental of myself … I’m not sure that my Fm’s sparked this off i rather think it was my slip into Pushy voice that kicked off

    and i don’t know that i even facilitated anger coming at me…

    for me it became more of an exercise in not slipping into an attack voice and out of FM’s and don’t wants



  333.  #333Daria on August 14, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Miss Bells – what feelings do you feel sensing conflict?



  334.  #334Miss Bells on August 14, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    #333
    I don’t really feel it at ME but I get a little constricted in the throat when I witness others getting triggered and reacting.
    I came from a big crazy abusive family with me hiding from the yelling (and physical sib fights) most of the time. I have 5 sisters and no brothers.
    I know all the huffy puffies on the blog will pass. And that people are actually getting exactly what they need here, no matter what it looks like.
    I appreciated the discussion of ‘advanced” FMs. That is what I need…



  335.  #335bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    oh…. i think it’s OK.

    i like that everyone can speak.

    thank you for voices !!!!! i love to hear them ! mmm wow i love to hear them. thank you.

    i’m a “weird-o” – i “don’t have friends” – i’m…. lone-ly – & also, i don’t mind much.

    i hear a lot of voices that sound like women i know or women i’ve known…….. hello ! greetings, humans !

    FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT – oh – this DOES NOT bother me very much.

    we all get “worked up” – we ALL get “worked-up” sometimes………

    Miss Stix is Mad at Daria & Femininewoman

    Tam is Mad at Daria

    BW is Mad at Daria

    I’m Mad at Mad-ness.

    was Daria Mad at BW ? who knows.

    i know that *i* post uncensored riffs so that I can see my feelings in real-time & “read back” through them

    yeah – surf the waves of my rippling mind – i love it – it feels yummy & dangerous

    so…. when i say WOW i feel SO UPSET seeing those humans saying those things — i will Say It.

    it feels “unfair” to me – pouting, frowning – to say Daria is bullying or controlling or anything.

    i feel exhausted to “explain” this….. but i do feel better when i “express” myself

    i feel really mad & sad to see women on rori’s blog get “Upset” & “Defensive” when Daria encourages women to Use Rori’s Tools in Difficult Situations.

    it feels magical to me that Daria tracks & cares about everyone’s relationships. i feel so happy that i know i can come to the blog &…. i wrote “see my friends” but….. i feel like i see Daria & Femininewoman as “Access Points” beyond….. ack. words. well……. Daria. hm i guess it doesn’t matter how i feel…. EXCEPT i feel so LOVED by daria. WHEN she is “Mad” – she is passionate & she wants happy humans with happy relationships !

    if i were coming here & wanting to have casual exclusive roulette relationships with guys where i did a lot of initiating with — well, i’d have a “Me” problem – because i’m reading & joining a community that has a Mission Statement – that is, to learn about ourselves & improve relationship skills by interacting in courtship with many men, fostering a fulfilled & passionate life, so that i become my “most tall – most visible – most vibrant” self – in order to have the Forever Lifetime relationship with One Man that I personally crave & want !

    so i feel confused (& i hear daria’s confusion) when other things “happen” “on the blog” that are not “in line” with the (i think) wonderful Advices that Rori publishes……..

    & i don’t want to make anyone “responsible” for my feelings – that feels important to me.

    i want to just say, Wow ! reading that, wow, i really feel the heat – i get a little cloud of something Reactive right under my solar plexus – right between my diaphragm & my lungs – hearing “raised” voices that i hear saying “someone else MADE ME feel this way” …….. because i don’t really Believe that & i feel confused to believe that someone else would be able to Raise an Emotion in me & i don’t want to believe that because i feel Safe & Strong when my feelings are All Mine. thank you for listening : ) i feel much better just to express myself. thank you.



  336.  #336Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Thanks Daria. Rocking the boat moves me away from superficiality to authenticity and telling microscopic truth.



  337.  #337bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    hi, daria – i suppose i could have just posted that “to you” : ) i’m feeling drift-y & separate from the Noise a bit…. i don’t want you to think that i’m “analyzing” you or your words & i don’t “know” “what happened” but i didn’t feel your words as push-y – just Loud, like i want to be. i want to have a Loud Voice – not like yelling, just want to Feel Heard. & when you talk, i feel heard & i feel i can Hear & also i feel my imagination expanding : ) thank you!



  338.  #338Sunshine on August 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Daria i feel bad that you feel guilty or bad…I very much find your words encouraging, it feels comforting and nice to see your honesty and your helpful advice to others and me in the past. it feels good to read your helpful nature, and also your desire to help yourself by being honest about your feelings. This is all a great example for me and I hope to continue to work on my feelings on the blog, and also the work I am having with my universitie’s therapist. I am working on accepting my feelings and going for the ride, I feel curious, frustrated to see improvement, hopeful, a bit tired, more relaxed, confused, very curious about myself, and relaxed about the future…i think i need a nap:p



  339.  #339Starla on August 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    WarriorCD and I talked through it.
    I just was open and honest, and i admitted to him that I actually feel kind of dumb and inferior around him all the time anyway.
    This might have made me look weird or insecure, but i don’t care.
    I’m pretty sure this practice is showing up for me to OWN all the parts of myself, instead of ‘faking’ being something i’m not.

    i’m sensitive and i get insecure.
    i’m also really awesome.
    i love me



  340.  #340Daria on August 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Inner Bonding

    You will feel alive when your intent is to love yourself and others. You will feel flat and empty when your intent is to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. You can change your intent from moment to moment, and your feelings change with your intent. Today, notice your feelings, then notice your intent.



  341.  #341Miss Bells on August 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    It is interesting what triggers anyone–and how different people handle it.
    When I was going through the worst of the pain of this recent turn of events with HS some people on the blog (and some of my f2f friends) were very intense about what a POS HS is. In the case of my friend I know that she had a disastrous relationship with a man she is still a little pist at after being with her present husband for 15 years. She was angry on my behalf because she confused HS (whom she is actually close to) with her Ed from 15 years ago. I had to temper her advice for that reason.
    I could hear the same tone with certain sirens. And, because I understood that what they wrote to me actually represented THEM, I never felt triggered.
    It was just one more point of view.
    But the EXPERIENCE of writing the pain, and knowing I was HEARD was invaluable.
    I now believe that this will all resolve itself in the fullness of time.
    I have no desire to hand HS his heart on a stake. I would like the physical and emotional space to find out if there are embers in the ashes (I feel there may be) and to hit the reset button.
    If he approaches me lovingly after I move i will have one answer. If he doesn’t I will have another. And always moving TOWARDS my good.



  342.  #342Daria on August 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Miss Bells – thank you for sharing… i feel really moved and kinda sobby



  343.  #343Rebecca on August 14, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    I have been CDing today like crazy, but yet I still don’t seem to be getting and vibes of “chemistry”… It’s always just friendship with me… I feel sad that I am sooo not getting the “feelings” for a man. I like them… I like them a lot, but noooo feelings of physical attraction. I want to feel attracted to someone physically… I am such a hard, masculine woman. I feel sad… Hmmm… I’m gonna sit with this until it changes…



  344.  #344Daria on August 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    awww Blooming i feel loved



  345.  #345Daria on August 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    thank you Sunshine… I feel honored to read that !



  346.  #346Smile on August 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    ((sirens))



  347.  #347bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    mmm i feel pumped up & like singing & dancing – whirling. dervish. mmmm dxvil-ish : ) mmmmm dance strong body. strong belly. strong arms & legs & neck & hands & feet



  348.  #348bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    i’m inviting magic



  349.  #349Daria on August 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Blooming —- oooh one time around my magical friend

    i started spinning and spinning in a circle for 15 min!

    and it felt so GOOD!

    and finally i stopped an lay down and i was NOT dizzy

    and i felt amazing and peaceful in my body



  350.  #350Daria on August 14, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    i got two CD invitations for tomorrow nite (Sfanta Maria festival w fireworks)

    eee! they might both work since one is early…



  351.  #351bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    i imagined my invitation to magic…. & felt my body closed on itself, like a fire-box. Impenetrable. My Fortress. Strong man voice… protective. wire-y. “tied up” – “not available” – “defensive”………

    i’d like to allow myself to feel….. open – expansive – vulnerable – Faith-full : ) hmmmmmm faith in What ?

    questions – a questioning voice inside me

    a thread winding up – a wispy thing in the breeze – peeking up – is it safe ?

    mmmmmmm i don’t want to “require” an answer….

    me ? hello ? hi : ) hi!! i like you! i feel excited about you. oooh i feel scared to feel excited about myself. hugs. mmm thanks. feel “shut-down” around ….. “the future” ok thanks. i know that feeling… Counting, Strategizing, Analyzing – i intend to Release myself from those things. thank you. what’s left ? mmm love. excitement. fragile-ness – sensitivity. mm lovely, beautiful. triggering to say “beautiful” to myself… Beautiful Girl ! mmm Beautiful Woman ! mmm beautiful women, yes, and that feels good…. mmmmm i love and & no ampersand. mm i love the ampersand because it looks like “infinity” to me – even the way it leaves its tails out : ) yummmmmmmm yes i do love it.

    i’m a human. i’m not a human. that’s why it’s easy! i’m just a jumble of particles & never the same even only a second later – WATCHAA that’s me changing radically every instant : )



  352.  #352bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    i want to wake early & easy with no rushing. i want to do work. i want to make food & clothing. YES i really want to make my own clothes & i love myself for hearing that. i want to cook & make cheese & bread. i want to care for animals & children. i want to live among the wild growing. thank you



  353.  #353Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Tam re 323

    I feel focused on the present now, keeping moving forward.

    When I feel reflective of the past now, it feels more healed like I can think about the past and remember how it felt but not be stuck there anymore which feels releasing.



  354.  #354Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Starla, being open and honest feels good to read. I hope I can be aware of my feelings like this when I have more dates/interactions with guys when I’m ready.



  355.  #355Tereana on August 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    I feel very good today. I actually feel quite neutral about SYG. There is no “drama” there, no anxiety, no “missing” him.

    Could be a couple of reason for that. One is my sexy night last night 🙂 mmm…see, because, oddly enough, even though I was putting him off, sexually, ultimately I did need and want some physical pleasure. Which I didn’t get in the time frame I needed. So ok. Another guy stepped up to please me : ) now I don’t care. Lol

    Another reason could be that I switched to decaf this week. Lolol. I love coffee so much. But too much caffeine just ramps up all my sensations, and maybe even makes me a little aggressive. Yikes! So I’ve taken to making my usual coffee with decaf instead and a teaspoon of regular dark roast thrown in. Yum : ) and I feel so much more calm, composed, and in control! That in itself is worth the price of admission.

    And anyway, didn’t I decide already that this guy wasn’t really coming through for me? How many more times do I need to be disappointed before I realize that this is really the case? He is showing me – and telling me -that he can’t do it. Oh well. He’s a good guy! He likes me! Hooray. I can hold out for something better : ) And I owe it to myself to do that!

    In the mean time, though, I just had to express myself one more time, and get it all off my chest. I told him it was okay if he didn’t know what he wanted with me just yet, and wanted to take his time. I said it would feel better to have sex when he knew for sure. I think I might have asked what he thought, but I don’t remember. Lol

    Anyway, I feel good about it. Maybe he’s lost his attraction for me, and that’s okay, too. I know my exes are all thinking about me. My guy in Chicago has been, too ; ) it’s all good, as they say. The universe is taking care of me, and working toward my happiness. This is all coming out in my favor…

    Xox, T.



  356.  #356Lily Medusa on August 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    I was out walking in the evening and feeling anxious, scared, and mad. I had left my phone at home specifically because I was feeling clingy toward J and I wanted to be away from the phone rather than stress out waiting for his call. Suddenly a car pulled up near me and it was J!

    J: You didn’t answer when I called, so I thought I’d come find you! How are you doing, little lady?

    LM: Not that good (frowny face)

    J (dismayed): Why why??

    LM: I’m having a hard time tonight. I’m not feeling too happy. I wasn’t exactly expecting but… well… I had kinda hoped, since I’m leaving my current apartment, that you would want me to come live with you. And I’m assuming you would have asked if you had wanted that. So now that I have to be out in three days, I’m feeling bummed out and angry. I don’t want to be in a relationship that’s not going anywhere. I don’t want to spend another year dating from across town like we’re in high school.

    J: Gillie (his nickname for me), I do want you to come live with me. That’s what I’ve been wanting. I hadn’t wanted to ask though. I have been hoping you would be the one to ask.

    LM: Oh…

    J: Want to come over and spend the night?

    LM: Yep 🙂



  357.  #357Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    I’m pondering a thought about my masculine/feminine self…

    I am the same person… Yes… But…

    With strumming man I was masculine and more controlling like the one that made decisions and plans and looked after the finances

    With ex of two years I was totally feminine to the point where he did all the money, plans etc… Even cooking- I never made the Sunday roast in two years!

    Out of the two I prefer feminine

    I find it interesting how I can be me but have different energy in different relationships



  358.  #358Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Lily medusa

    I had the same situation 2 years ago.

    I loved how you handled it.

    I am feeling confident I would know what to say in these situations now

    (((healing me who didn’t know what to say)))



  359.  #359Daria on August 14, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Wow Lily Medusa!!



  360.  #360Smile on August 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    I felt a little flutter of anxiety creep through my body.

    I said hi! Then it moved on



  361.  #361April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    I did not feel my feelings at first, with EM tonight.

    I felt so scared, I climbed back into my head ‘for protection’. In my head, my fear of him was fed with judgement. I tried to joke and make light.

    He wanted to talk about a film that he wants me to watch. It is about a murderer and his crimes. I get the sense that he wants to frighten me. That it would turn him on.

    I do not know if he wants to scare me just a little or out of my wits. I asked him about it. “You’re not easily spooked” was his answer.
    I told him I felt terrified of him sometimes.

    He doesn’t seem to get turned on by kissing and touching me. I feel helpless again. What? I feel so open and surrendered to his delicious touch.

    I want my deep pleasure and lovely female body to be the things that arouse his passion and make him want to ravish me. It’s not happening. I feel puzzled and downcast.
    He has expressed his own upset. He says he feels nervous with me and that this hasn’t happened to him with a woman before.

    I am at a loss for words to say to him about this.



  362.  #362Simply Goddess on August 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    …I know what you all say is right.I love him so much though.. 🙁 Hard.

    #357 Smile

    Same here.. xx



  363.  #363Butterfly Wings on August 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    210 MissStix – Uh oh! I’d better keep away from him then! Haha!

    He wanted to see me today but I have things planned, and he won’t see me tomorrow either because tomorrow night I have plans.

    And then there’s the weekend which is also booked out.

    Phew! 🙂



  364.  #364Miss Bells on August 14, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Strange transformation.
    I have been crying lately. (Not today, but this month)
    Here’s the thing–I made a vow against crying when I was 12.
    I can count the times I cried between then and this summer on one hand. Always in response to REAL trauma. Like after I talked the gun out of my late husband’s hands when he was going to kill himself.
    But NOW–the tears are easier–an emotional release as they are meant to be.
    It may be good that I had the armor when I needed it. I walked some dangerous pathways. But I am safe now.



  365.  #365April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    (((((Miss Bell’s tears))))))
    feels soothing to hear you are allowed to cry



  366.  #366Butterfly Wings on August 14, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    221 FW – What I don’t like to see is my story being posted in a way that is completely untrue (and it wasn’t you that did so – I like your style xxx).

    I felt insulted and angry and do not appreciate it when people who don’t know the truth, try to tell me that I’m doing something wrong.

    So that is where my negative feelings were coming from…



  367.  #367Butterfly Wings on August 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    222 MissStix – YES! I totally agree! It’s the “force feeding” I feel opposed to.

    xxx



  368.  #368Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    ((((Miss Bells))))) I feel soothed to read that, like soft rain.

    I made a similar vow at a young age… Rori’s tools helped me to come to use tears to heal myself



  369.  #369Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    skipping posts feels anxiety making somewhat, constricted throat and shaky breathing

    i feel unworthy to post this

    i feel yum writing this, big sigh 🙂



  370.  #370bloom-ing on August 14, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    lying on the couch in my parents’ living room. they aren’t home. “they never were” when i was little (not sure how true that is, but right this second, i do feel that i spend many hours & days alone in this old house)….. mmm it feels haunted & safe. it used to not feel safe. i wonder what i felt scared of ? i remember a lot of them, but most of them i’m not scared of anymore. i have a little bit of a feeling that “history” alone, by itself, could “kxll” me – actually though. like, a fear that the overwhelming presence of energy from “another time” could totally “absorb” or “overwhelm” “My” energy…. weird. anywayz. not trying to judge or interpret that. want food. food with my mama. wish i looked cuter. i could shower. maybe i will. i like to look pretty for my mama. something happened in the car on the way home. oh, there were so many people driving “like maniacs” & i saw one woman almost kxll another woman. i felt SO SCARED & ANGRY. so mad. & i found myself “judging” like, “could you please be more self-aware ?” & i want to mirror that right back to myself – but backwards, not mean, nice, like, “awww lk i feel so happy that you are becoming more self-aware” haha yum i feel better & not angry that way….

    oh i think i maybe just had an idea. well definitely i had an idea & maybe i’ll “try it” – feel judgment towards myself like, “that must be rubbish” but it feels easy to think of, so maybe it’s not that bad : )

    i want so much space & safety. i feel scared of how desperately i cling to the idea of “safety” love to my fear, love to my caution, love to my hungering for big skies



  371.  #371April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Sometimes when I share an insight with some sirens here (and I feel excited at the simplicity of what I have noticed) it feels like I get rebuffed. “I don’t want to be told what to do. Can’t I just vent here without your interference?” type of response. Or else an immediate ‘that won’t work and this is why’ kind of logic.

    I have felt crushed when I perceived one of these reactions from Starla, and so I don’t address her directly any more.
    I only want to give feedback if I get to feel worthwhile and appreciated.

    Should I do it anyway? Into the lions mouth, so to speak…..

    It would feel SO GOOD if we could practice the tool of APPRECIATION with each other, much more.

    Much, much more. In a ‘fake it til you make it’ kind of way.
    Lets focus on appreciation.
    For me it is the key tool for opening up a man.



  372.  #372Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    My tongue feels heavy heavy and oops i don’t know what to call this feeling

    like

    whimpery



  373.  #373Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    i feel compelled to offer love, apologies



  374.  #374Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    April Rose – I feel scared… I want to practice that too… that feels really scary

    ok team #Appreciate Huge

    I feel SO GLAD you wrote that post April Rose!

    and your name feels like smelling fresh clean air!



  375.  #375Daria on August 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    wow I feel drawn in how my shoulder glistens in the dark, like riplles on a lake, and lil hairs glitter



  376.  #376Simply Goddess on August 14, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    I feel lost.. Is my relationship just doomed.. how do I deal with that? With this situation?

    Havent heard from him all day since he said he ‘cant be arsed anymore, sorry..’



  377.  #377April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Daria,
    Your self-expression feels like green/gold fire-flames licking at my vulnerability.
    It is not a comfortable feeling.
    And I know that anxiety often arises when I move beyond my comfort zone.
    I cannot describe the element you bring to my being, and yet I know that my being is enriched by your presence.
    I often feel surprised by you.
    And many times I feel delight in discovering new insights into the Way of the Feminine, simply because of the new and thrilling way you have worded things.



  378.  #378April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Simply Goddess,

    Could he be playing an (unconscious?) game with you?
    If so, you have to stop playing along.

    Imagine if you found stability elsewhere, in yourself. So much so that his drama barely causes a ripple in you.

    He is relying on those ripples, to feed his patterns.



  379.  #379April Rose on August 14, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Daria,

    I feel melty at what you said about my name. Mmmm…



  380.  #380Daria on August 14, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    April Rose – your words feel like opening a blue green gift with thick red ribbon, and pulling at the colorful pink and green and blue tafetta papers inside to find the gift



  381.  #381Daria on August 14, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    rushing… and then a glint of gold burst as my hand reaches the gift…



  382.  #382Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    April Rose thanks for that comment. I feel the same way too. We practice appreciation here, we can do it in life. I have gotten the appreciative words with follow up that just cancels the appreciation. Rori talks about how certain things are innocuos, but it is there.

    BW I know what you are saying. I believe though what you focus on grows so now I look for love coming from people. We are all learning how to express it so it is felt.



  383.  #383Femininewoman on August 14, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Thanks Miss Bells. I remember making a similar vow when a Supervisor “humiliated” me at work. My first real job.



  384.  #384siren song on August 14, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    tereana,

    it was a really fun, flowy sort of date. we kind of already know each other…we met for drinks. it felt really fun and like there was a little spark…

    he hasn’t followed up. but i feel good about having gone on the date even if nothing comes of it in the future!



  385.  #385luzydel on August 14, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    I feel frustrated with online dating again! Got four emails last weekend, I replied to them and boom no contact again, it feels like some men are just sending spam emails to see who they can catch and then forget or not even expect a reply back.

    Anyway, what if all men disappear? should I be unhappy? what if no men wants me? should I be unhappy? NOO!

    I am not going to torture myself like this, I cant be hooked on testosterone all the time waiting for a quick fix… so no dates with men? no problem I got myself and some new friends from dancing place to go out with, D can warm my ben once in a while if he wants…I cannot go back to testosterone dependency…I want my perfect man and he is somewhere looking for me…:)



  386.  #386siren song on August 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    i feel so happy that i am not with guy who loves me anymore. i feel kind of guilty for saying it. but i am so much happier.



  387.  #387Annie on August 14, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    April Rose says:

    “I am still living with a man, WM, who was my partner for 3 years. I think he was committed and faithful, but I felt so out in the cold. I craved special time together as a couple, but he seemed not to want any. That felt awful.

    When I started dating other men (after finding Rori) he kicked up a fuss and got angry at me. I said I needed attention and affection and to feel special in a man’s life. He didn’t change his behaviour other than asking me out once or twice (he rarely took me anywhere).

    I have continued to date. And it feels so difficult living with WM still. I feel so much resentment. I know it is also a chance to heal something. I will remember to appreciate something about him. I will intend to forgive him. I will practice staying open and warm when all my inner voices are screaming at me to shut down and shut him out.

    Aaagh, I hate him, I want to shut him out, I want to get away from him. I’m convinced he is punishing me by doing things in the house that upset me.

    How can I heal this?

    I feel so sad it didn’t work. And I fear it is too late for repair. ”

    I feel synchronized with you with many issues here.

    You later say the this man still has anger and says things about his ex.
    Rori says if this is happening he hasn’t healed and is still attracted to whatever he moans about.

    I feel curious what bad stuff does he say?



  388.  #388Daria on August 14, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    yay Luzydel it feels warming to my smile to watch you healing and unfolding



  389.  #389Lily Medusa on August 14, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Thanks ladies. I am quite excited and feel so good!



  390.  #390Vi on August 14, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Simply Goddess, there was one phrase in ‘Toxic men’ program that felt like a revelation to me. I don’t remember who said this and i feel inspired to review the program again actually…. So someone from men experts said that deep inside he knows he is not right in his behaviour and feels guilty. and he can not respect a person who approves his ‘bad’ behaviour because he subconsiously doesn’t approve it himself…

    …. i feel a little tense publishing this becuase to me it feels like ‘explaining him’ and i don’t want to put my focus on a man anymore.. it feels totally wrong…… but at the same time i remember that this phrase made me feel so inspired to put my focus back on me and don’t take ‘crap’ and inspired to express my ‘don’t wants’ – for his own sake….. and it doesn’t even require leaving him.

    (((((((((((((Simply goddess)))))))))))))

    …i feel unsure if it is permitted to quote any program here, so if it is not, i would like to apologize for that and i feel okay if the comment is removed.



  391.  #391Lily Medusa on August 14, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    And actually… hee hee… I feel kinda scared. Up until that moment in conversation I thought it was only him that wasn’t ready. I thought HE was the one with the fears of intimacy. Now I am realizing it was my issue all along!!! I was so sure I was perfectly ready to have a life with him, and I knew he totally loves my guts and I felt confused as to why “he” wasn’t pushing harder for me to move in. Could it have been because I was blocking that from happening – without even knowing it? In the past 3 days since I’ve been making plans to move in, I’m feeling myself tense up with worries like “will I be unhappy?” or “Will HE screw this up?” etc. I’m gently laughing with myself because I can’t blame these feelings on him! HE has been absolutely great… MY fears of intimacy are raging to the surface! ((((((Me)))))) I love me!



  392.  #392Dancing Siren on August 14, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Hello,

    Daria,

    I think you are credible too.



  393.  #393Vi on August 14, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    I feel confused. I found smth. on the blog that triggers me, and my feelings are: 1. Excited and YAY. because i found one more trigger and is about to reveal one more part of me that wants to be loved passionately. 2. And I feel afraid and uncertain about the ‘safety’ of the phrase ‘i felt triggered by …. from X’s post’ as a pre-history to my vents…. I want to feel sure that other Sirens feel safe with me. I want to feel safe myself to vent as it feels very healing to me and – I want to feel sure ‘no one is hurt’ because I feel love and compassion to every single Siren and it feels important to me. *frowny tense face* i love my frowny tense face …. i don’t know … thank you.



  394.  #394Dancing Siren on August 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Ok so I told new CD he could call me tonight.

    But when it came to it I did not want to talk to him.

    I don’t know. I just feel a lot of resistance.

    Like I don’t want to have to even think about something new.

    Urgh.

    But he still wants to talk so I said I will talk to him another time.

    S texted me again tonight, quite late.

    And I noticed my instinct reaction is to go to anxiety within our texts, and want to ask about the relationship, or gain reassurance that he still cares.

    I am feeling inscure and lonely.

    Hmmm.

    This is a reaction I would like to challenge.

    I would LOVE to be able to respond lightly and breasily when he texts, and get back to some more positive vibes.

    Basically I want to move forward instead of feeling stuck.

    He said that he needs to get strong and make sure that he is taking care of himself, so that he can take care of and protect me for ever.

    I like that.

    And there is still a part of me that feels impatient… feels like ‘ok, and I hear you, and still you are not here… so you are not real, you are NOT stepping up…’

    And I know it’s not his FAULT, and it truly is important for him to focus on himself, and his issues, and I just miss him.

    I know, I need to CD.

    I know that I cannot sit and wait and put all my hopes in him.

    And part of me is so Angry.

    At this situation.

    That he can’t be here with me, holdiing me, stepping up.

    Ok.

    And breath.

    Ok, I accept.

    And part of me I just want to scream at him… “WELL YOU CAN’T HAVE ME ALL TO YOURSELF WHILE YOU SORT THIS OUT!!! I AM NOT GOING TO SIT HERE ON MY LAURELS WAITING FOR YOU TO SORT YOURSELF OUT!”

    And then I feel like a horrid, mean witch.

    But I am not.

    Its true.

    Even though it is sticky feeling, cus he has an addiction, it’s not him saying he doesn’t want me, or dragging his heels on commitment, it’s me saying he can’t have me unless this is sorted…

    I dunno, the whole thing feels tiring to me now.

    I am feeling tired.



  395.  #395Vi on August 14, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    “I am a safe place” …. feels YUM! and confident and warm .. and open…. I want to discover myself to feel safe!



  396.  #396Daria on August 14, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    Thank you Dancing Siren



  397.  #397Daria on August 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    that feels like a big smily sigh 🙂



  398.  #398Emerson on August 14, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    I feel soo thankful for Rori and this blog and now knowing I don’t have to be competitive with a man.



  399.  #399Daria on August 14, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    ack i got retriggered and then used information instead of my feelings and im still feeling

    all riled up

    sigh that felt good to write

    now im feeling a bit giggly

    oooh ive ben feeling a lot of anger today and i feel thrilled that im starting to feel comfortable with my anger yay !



  400.  #400Daria on August 14, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    i feel guilty

    i feel sad

    sigh

    i feel soft



  401.  #401LiliBee on August 14, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    I feel so yucky.
    I need to go back to the activities meetup group and cd.

    I feel so turned off.

    A week or 2 ago I was complaining about D working too much to pay for his 3 vehicles…when he promised in the spring he would sell 1 of them to be more available to me.
    He says “sometimes when I’m riding in my car, I can be thinking about getting it apraised and selling it. But when people drive by gawking at it and giving me thumbs up, I change my mind.”

    Well, he hasn’t been working so much last week and this week.
    He spent all last night and tonight obsessing on getting a tattoo, a huge one.
    You see this kind of tattoo on 20 year olds, he’s 50.

    I’m feeling veeerrrryyy judgemental.
    I hate feeling that way.
    I would like to be openminded.

    WTF is he trying to prove?
    He’s a 50 year old man trying to look like a 20 year old.

    He’s been at the tattoo parlour for 3 hours, and he spent all last night and 3 nights last week going over tattoo pictures.
    I feel soooo turned off.

    All his time and energy is spent on impressing other people…yes ‘other’ people than ‘me’.

    I couldn’t help it, I had to say to him “I understand what is important to you, but I’m feeling cold and alone in this relationship while you pursue what’s important to you. I feel like a cold decoration just hanging there to make you look good at parties.”

    Why the f am I supposed to be compatible with a magician type personality again?

    I want someone more humble that I can connect with.
    This one is too focused on impressing to be available to connect with.
    Maybe I need someone more confident and more comfortable in his own skin who isn’t so busy trying to get it from outside himself.

    I would like to shake him up and say “You are wonderful just for you! You don’t need all these things to make people like you! You don’t need to impress people to show your worth!”

    I feel so angry.
    Why didn’t I hold him to his promises of fixing his availability issue and keeping to therapy.
    I shoulda kept cd’ing until he fullfilled all the promises.
    He invited me out in advance all the time booking all my time in advance.
    Now that he has me, he doesn’t have to do anything anymore.
    He can go back to tossing me aside to pursue his thirst for people’s admiration so he can say “look at me everybody, I’m so hot, aren’t ya all jealous.”

    How lowsy he must feel about himself to be so desperate to impress people.
    And I’m not helping by judging and criticizing him.
    Why the f am I still hanging around?!?!

    I know sirens…Venting session over…Back to the mirror I go.



  402.  #402Tereana on August 14, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    Rebecca – your post about feeling ‘jealous’ of men being cool all the time, and playing the game and living themselves, etc. made me feel curious.

    I feel the same way as you sometimes – like why can’t I be just like that? I think it’s tempting, because obviously guys wish we could be that way, too. It would sure make their lives a lot easier! And possibly ours, too. But on the other hand, I’m not so sure we are here to learn how to be ‘men.’ we aren’t men. And if we try to compare ourselves to them and be like them, we will fail, and then we’ll feel bad, and then we are even further from where we wanted to go.

    I think the point, here on the blog and elsewhere, is to learn to be better as women, as ourselves. Stop fighting the feelings and emotions and “not-coolness” because we can’t. The feelings will still be there. It is about surrendering to who we are.

    I am still working on it all the time. I still feel embarrassed when I have a strong emotion. And I might feel rejected by others for ‘who I am.’ but I can love myself anyway.

    Yeah, guys are different. It comes naturally for them. But we can love ourselves differently, and that’s okay….



  403.  #403Tereana on August 14, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    So, no response yet. I’m sure that SYG is doing his thing. Because I am doing my thing!

    Maybe him saying that he wasn’t ready is really about *me* not being ready. I bet he’s ready! He’s ready for the right woman, that he feels comfortable, and ‘at home’ with. Things aren’t ‘a big deal.’ they’re easy. Maybe that’s not me – yet.

    But I am working on it. I am working on opening my heart to be ready for relationship. I am working on softening & relaxing instead of tensing with fear.

    But I’ll just admit it – I get afraid.

    When a guy really likes me, it scares me, and I don’t know why. Fear makes me want to ‘control,’ and I don’t know I’m doing it. Ugh.

    But it was just a random hook-up. That’s all it was supposed to be. Nothing more. He started to like me. I can’t help that.

    I don’t feel ready. I feel afraid…



  404.  #404RiverGirl on August 14, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Ohhh LilieBee…I feel so sad after reading your post. He can’t grow up until he’s ready to. 🙁



  405.  #405Tereana on August 14, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    So, no response yet. I’m sure that SYG is doing his thing. Because I am doing my thing!

    Maybe him saying that he wasn’t ready is really about *me* not being ready. I bet he’s ready! He’s ready for the right woman, that he feels comfortable, and ‘at home’ with. Things aren’t ‘a big deal.’ they’re easy. Maybe that’s not me – yet.

    But I am working on it. I am working on opening my heart to be ready for relationship. I am working on softening & relaxing instead of tensing with fear.

    But I’ll just admit it – I get afraid.

    When a guy really likes me, it scares me, and I don’t know why. Fear makes me want to ‘control,’ and I don’t even know that I’m doing it. Ugh.

    But it was just a random hook-up. That’s all it was supposed to be. Nothing more. He started to like me. I can’t help that.

    I don’t feel ready. I feel afraid…



  406.  #406Radlove on August 14, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    Daria,

    184 – Thanks for your feedback. I know you’re right.

    In the moment, I was thinking “Rock Star”. But I spose it didn’t come off that way.



  407.  #407Tereana on August 14, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Guess I need the blog a lot right now…

    I feel really proud of myself. I am feeling much more relaxed and less perturbed by stuff this week. I am really following the path of rest and relaxation. I even had enough time to return my backlog of client phone calls today, and still had time to make lunch!

    Ony way home from dance class, I was in SYG’s neighborhood. He lives only a few blocks from where I go to class. I half expected him to come & meet me after. But he wasn’t there. The street seemed abnormally quiet. The neighborhood is usually really loud and noisy.

    So on my way home, I vaguely considered just dropping by his place. But then I thought better of it, on do many levels. B/c when I really thought about it, I realized I felt dressed out by the idea of going over there. Going home made me feel soft and relaxed. Do I did, and there was a train waiting right there for me. Ah, so lovely 🙂

    I know that everything is being taken care of for me. Yay. 🙂 and I am concentrating on being “a safe place” to come (back) to : )



  408.  #408Tam on August 15, 2012 at 12:20 am

    I just saw Mr U is selling his boats. Before I even get there. ‘our’ favourite pastime. So that is the final kiss of death now. He said he’d wait till I am back and broke his word, didn’t even tell me. Now I can let go.
    I feel sad but that’s just it now.



  409.  #409Rebecca on August 15, 2012 at 12:40 am

    Tereana

    I hear what you are saying. I was feeling very triggered by another sirens post and I decided to look inside myself to see what was going on with me.



  410.  #410Rebecca on August 15, 2012 at 12:41 am

    (((((Tam))))))



  411.  #411Vi on August 15, 2012 at 1:18 am

    Chopin. Spring waltz makes me feel innocent and pure… and love feels more like his symphony no 5



  412.  #412Simply Goddess on August 15, 2012 at 1:32 am

    378: April Rose says:

    Could he be playing an (unconscious?) game with you?
    If so, you have to stop playing along.
    Imagine if you found stability elsewhere, in yourself. So much so that his drama barely causes a ripple in you.
    He is relying on those ripples, to feed his patterns.

    Yes, definately. I think he’s learned that he can go ad disappear, then come back when things have ‘blown over’.

    390: Vi says –
    “…deep inside he knows he is not right in his behaviour and feels guilty. and he can not respect a person who approves his ‘bad’ behaviour because he subconsiously doesn’t approve it himself…”

    Exactly! Deep down he knows he’s wrong.. but he runs instead of facing it..

    So, do I face this with feeling messages and don’t wants?

    I want to have an open, honest relationship. I want to be able to discuss things without him running off. I DO NOT want a relationship where I’m afraid to mention things.. I dont want to be constantly told ‘It’s over!” ..when it ever is.. I feel lost..

    ;



  413.  #413Tam on August 15, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Rebecca, thank you! The perils of the classic imaginary relationship. At least I have no doubts anymore! 😉



  414.  #414Tam on August 15, 2012 at 2:17 am

    Actually, although I feel sad, I am glad I saw that he is selling the boats. It kind of makes me realise that his priorities are really to sell up and leave when I am just about to return.
    I was convinced he would only sell them next season and we would go boating quite a bit this autumn…well, he said ‘the boats are waiting till you get back’…blah blah blah. Now I realise that I was making up stories and fantasising around that simple sentence, and that a man does what he wants to do – and changes his mind quickly.
    Ok then. Whatever.



  415.  #415ruth on August 15, 2012 at 2:29 am

    Im here
    Just had a bit of trouble with my net access and ben soooooo busy

    Have been reading back and feeling a bit uncomfy
    I find feeling messages soooo difficult

    Miss Stix, your idea of the separating thought s and feeling and the way you use this feels like something i could manage



  416.  #416ruth on August 15, 2012 at 2:30 am

    Tam, yes, time to move on

    Youcan



  417.  #417Emma on August 15, 2012 at 2:31 am

    Hi Sirens,

    After a massive fight with my ex and me texting asking to speak again with him saying no i leaned back and left it. It’s been 3 weeks and he text this morning-

    ‘I hate that this is the reason I’m texting you, and i hate that it’s me texting you first. And I’m sorry I’m not some ‘gorgeous man’ taking time off from dancing like duran duran on my holiday to text you sweet nothings, but I need those library books back because they’re on about cancelling my account, and my dissertation is in next week’

    (In our previous argument I had said there was a guy messaging me from abroad- I made the point that this guy sees my value and worth. I also said ‘i don’t want this guy, i want you!’- so that’s what the weird duran duran reference is lol my ex is WEIRD!)

    I just wanted to ask the siren way to respond- something like

    ‘Okay how many books should there be and what address should I send them to?’

    (I’m aware that’s not very warm though…?) Thing is my friend had forwarded my ex a text from me where i was really upset and saying how devastated i was not to hear from him… and he still sends me a frosty message… despite knowing how sorry I am.. and me being constantly nice to him.

    Is keeping it simple best?

    Emma



  418.  #418Tam on August 15, 2012 at 2:35 am

    Oh hello Ruth!!!
    Nice that you’re back!! How are you? What’s new?

    Yes, well I had kind of moved myself into that space where I thought I didn’t care, then I saw the boats for sale and realised the finality of it. That was the one thing that really glued us together: boating.
    We both loved it, and loved going together.
    He knows I am coming soon (though not when and I hope he doesn’t find out either as he would be on my case), and the fact that just when I am about to arrive, he’ll have got rid of them tells me that he simply doesn’t care.
    It felt different before. Now I am standing in front of the hard facts and they sink in and in a way it’s good.
    Really. Sad but sometimes seeing something in black and white makes me breathe in and out with relief – I don’t need to make up any stories anymore, I have my facts now.
    That feels sad and at the same time good.



  419.  #419ruth on August 15, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Relief feels good

    I always think that relief means the correct decision has been made

    News well
    I struggled through another marathon, did a lot of cooking, cleaned the house from top to bottom and now I feel calm and ready for life

    Emma, Im the last person to advise as Im still so new

    This feels tricky

    You need to stay open but you dont want to try and provoke a reaction from him by what you say

    How do you actually FEEL about his text?
    Are you pist? Angry? Hurt? Confused?

    Maybe just say that



  420.  #420Tam on August 15, 2012 at 3:15 am

    wow, another marathon Ruth!! Congrats.

    I have just been stuffing myself with sugary things lately…so feeling a little guilty about that…but why? Actually, I like a really lovely piece of cake sometimes and why not. I am still small (maybe this will change now). I cut out sugar for a long time and didn’t miss it but felt it was just another punishment, yes it is good for our bodies, but it wasn’t good for my soul.
    I am more forgiving now, with myself and others.



  421.  #421Dancing Siren on August 15, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Hello World,

    I really need to earn some good money.

    Can you help me Please?



  422.  #422Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 4:00 am

    Emma the thing is you are not really sure he got the text from your friend. His text feels standoffish as if he is still angry or hurt. I would keep it soft and simple as if responding to a friend.



  423.  #423luzydel on August 15, 2012 at 4:13 am

    I posted this in an old post accidently… from last night…

    So My NV’s came to visit today; I feel a knot in my stomach, anger in my chest… all men want to hurt me!!! My mind started to make this scenarios about men doing bad things to me, and I started to believe them. I cannot get rid of my Nv’s they were hungry for fatty unhealthy thoughts, so I had to put them on a diet.
    Again I will repost something I posted a few months back…

    I want to be happy;

    I want to be the woman who doesn’t feel heart broken because I man left. I want to be the one who smile and says “thanks for your time” and move on the her next adventure with or without another man.

    I do not want my final breath of happiness to depend on what others do to me. I want to be happy with myself, with a man, with friends, I want to be happy even when I cry.

    I want to feel so much joy that it spreads though out my surroundings. I want to have a contagious smile, I want to love myself so much that It wont matter if others don’t love me.

    I want to love every part of my body, my scars, my wrinkles, my cellulite, My curves so much that no external rejection of them will put me down. I want to love me when I am beautiful, and when I am not so much.

    I want to find real love within me…

    I want to be Happy.



  424.  #424Sirenity on August 15, 2012 at 4:58 am

    The blog feels excruciating to read.

    I feel pain when Sirens “gang up” against other Sirens and start blaming and accusing and attributing causality for their feelings to the written words of other women here. It reads like They arent actually conscious of their feelings or why they are triggered into anger , they seem to assume a defensive posture and poise ready to attack .

    Personally I think Daria is very cool.

    I think Daria is controlling herself , not the blog.

    I feel frustrated when accusing people dont stop and feel , they just blame and lash out.

    I feel eager for those people to explore their feelings and understand they gave themselves bad feelings after they thought judgmental thoughts.

    I feel grateful for differnet views and sincere ongoing efforts at communication , not just ” blame and attack” which is a game played on many other blogs.



  425.  #425Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 5:07 am

    332 Daria – “Rocking the boat”??? You stated something about my situation that was completely UNTRUE! And if you’ve apologised I will drop it, but so far I’ve not seen an apology ANYWHERE… OMG….. Ok, feeling quite angry right now… again.



  426.  #426Simply Goddess on August 15, 2012 at 5:08 am

    I feel really upset.. Crying..
    Since he left yesterday I didnt hear from him..
    I rang his phone in the afternoon to ask for my bank card (he had it and has used it before)
    He didn’t answer and then text saying “Can’t be bothered no more, Sorry, Really had enough”
    I said I needed my bank card and he said he would check his pockets.

    I then didn’t hear from him all day or night.. I rang his phone this morning, no answer. I text to say “I want my card”.
    He’s replied this afternoon saying “Been in the baths all morning, your card was in my shorts, so how shall I get it to you”

    It just seems so cold and blunt..

    What, is it really over this time? I’m so confused, don’t know how best to play it. Don’t want to play the games at all.. 🙁



  427.  #427April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 5:12 am

    I walked away from WM again after another exchange in which he cast a lot of blame upon me, and I struggled with my own desire to defend myself.

    I lost the battle at times. And I also prayed to stay open.
    I was able to authentically communicate that one of the best birthdays I have had was with him. We were camping and he gave me a lovely, fun dome-shaped umbrella and walked with me to look at the steam trains and the horses pulling a boat along the canal.
    I said I felt so happy that day. I miss that.

    I feel like I could cry forever with missing that.

    He is soooo angry. He says I have changed everything by ‘going off with someone else’.

    He is asking me to continue working with him in a fun way. We both live in our workplace.

    I will give him what he wants. Because I want work to be fun, too.

    Meanwhile I will rockstar myself up a bit. I need a new look, a new vibe. I intend to create my own happiness and present-moment irresistible joy.
    I intend to be fully there for me.
    Along with a quiet intention to bring in my Mr Right.



  428.  #428April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 5:17 am

    BW,

    I am trapped with WM in a cycle of perception and misperception. We have two totally different versions of our story. It feels unbearable. I am at a loss as to where to turn.

    I have to drop it. Do I?

    I want to break the pattern and feel good again.

    I have to forgive him, forgive myself, and begin again.

    I know how hard it is to let things go, when they seem so important.

    I was just wondering where you wanted to take this with Daria? As in practice for a real life relationship…



  429.  #429Emma on August 15, 2012 at 5:17 am

    (((ruth))) (((feminine woman)))

    I feel exasperated, and fed up. And a little angry. Mainly because the reason we had the massive argument was because my friend had committed suicide and had been missing for 2 weeks. I snapped at my ex because i felt like he wasn’t being supportive and I found out he had lied to me about being in work. – My ex has not considered I am going through a hard time. He has not accepted my apologies and has threatened to text my parents abuse if I text him.

    I leaned back… and he sends me this message that does sound angry, and hurt- but I am angry, and hurt. And I am feeling annoyed that he has once again victimised himself- he has depression and is very very selfish as a result.

    I don’t want to send him a ‘feeling’ message because I feel so much that I’m not sure what I feel. I feel love and hate-I feel everything! I feel like he is trying to control me and maintain power over me. But at the same time I need to reply open and feminine… this is a tough one!



  430.  #430Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 5:19 am

    382 FW – There are often some things you say to me that I may or may not like, but you have NEVER made up stories about my situation to back up what you’re saying.

    I felt insulted by the words that came my way and the fact that pure lies were spoken about what TH did.

    THAT was what I was opposed to, and I’m still catching up and am still waiting on that acknowledgement/apology…

    So maybe I’m really triggered by this as part of a defense for him as well as protecting my integrity also (my integrity means a LOT to me)…
    xx



  431.  #431Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 5:25 am

    401 (((LiliBee))) – what’s stopping you CDing again?

    I think TH would like to think I’m still exclusive with him even though he’s moved out etc, but I’m kind of hoping he DOESN’T ask me out over the next few weekends because I’m already booked! He is not going to be happy, but I don’t care! 😉



  432.  #432Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 5:26 am

    404 RG – I’m not sure men EVER grow up, do they?? 😉 hehe!



  433.  #433Simply Goddess on August 15, 2012 at 5:28 am

    Any advice reeeally welcome right now.. 🙁



  434.  #434Wildflower on August 15, 2012 at 5:28 am

    Holding myself accountable here. Focusing on me! well most of the time. my brain also goes to wanting to figure things out. then i feel sad and wish things were different 🙁 okay so here goes:

    1. check out other realtor
    2. schedule doc appt
    3. follow up w spin cert
    4. make wishboard and put it under my bed
    5. get pretty bracelet fixed

    i worked out today and did my PT. i’m feeling so much better. doc thinks i will be able to run again!!!



  435.  #435Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 5:30 am

    421 DS – Affiliate marketing – on weight loss in your case. You’re credible, you know your stuff, and you could easily sell different products from your blog.

    Do you still have my email? I can’t remember if I sent you a PDF on it last time we were talking, but it might get a few dollars (or pounds!) coming your way over time…



  436.  #436Daria on August 15, 2012 at 5:32 am

    Emma – has threatened to text my parents abuse if I text him.”

    this is not healthy. i feel glad you’re rid of this man. I would get Rori’s Toxic Men program and start healing whatever it is in me that has me attracted to a man like this…



  437.  #437Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 5:34 am

    428 AR – all I’m asking for is an apology, that’s all. Nobody here should be making up stories about other sirens and posting them on here. Ever. It’s unfair and it hurts. And I won’t put up with my story being distorted and my man being looked like he’s the villain who apparently “humiliated” me.

    xx



  438.  #438Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Oh and AR, do you think you could stay friends with WM?

    When I’m angry at TH, I try (sometimes it’s hard!) to send love his way…

    xxx



  439.  #439Wildflower on August 15, 2012 at 5:35 am

    i have a date tonight with a man from an online site. feeling a little nervous. he said he is “on pins and needles” until tonight. that put a huge smile on my face. yet my nasty voices are saying ‘i hope he’s not let down when he sees me in person.” ouch that feels bad to write 🙁 i havent been doing as much dating lately i guess. i certainly don’t want to put too much in to the outcome with any one man!!! i want to feel open to any man i meet being the one. but on the other hand the thought of having to keep a lot of men in the rotation feels exhausting. ok i intend to breath and stay in the present.



  440.  #440Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 5:39 am

    433 SG – I’m not sure this is the “right” thing, but if it were me, I would accept what he has said, and walk away. I would also shower myself with love. Get out and do something you love to do – hang with girlfriends, or do anything else that’s fun to you.

    When TH recently “ended” (it’s not over, but that’s what I thought he was intending) things with me, I just put my focus back on me 100% and turned to my friends who have been AMAZING!

    I’m having so much fun now, and TH won’t stop contacting me and always wants to see me! Funny that!

    There is no guarantee your guy will come back, but I can promise you that by focusing on you and loving you, you’re going to feel better soon – no matter what the outcome is.

    xxx



  441.  #441Simply Goddess on August 15, 2012 at 5:43 am

    He’s just taken his relationship with me off facebook 🙁 How can he be so heartless?

    A text to say he cant be arsed and takes relationship off facebook.. after a yr an half..

    I dont deserve this!! 🙁 🙁 🙁



  442.  #442Wildflower on August 15, 2012 at 5:46 am

    i have to admit the philosophy that we attract people who are mirroring us is starting to feel really, really bad to me. i’ve been sort of on again off again with a man whom some have described as a ‘”pathological liar”. i have told lies in the past and i’m sure i could reason that i’m somehow “lying” to myself about something. but pathological???? yikes. if i am attracting this will i ever be healed??? this is why this philosophy often does not feel good to me…though i completely respect those who do believe in it.

    is it possible that sometimes we attract people due to where we’re living or our work situation that just puts us in proximity to one another? we feel attracted to them. we get attached. then we have to make a choice whether their presence in our lives makes us feel good or feel bad.

    i know that i’ve made choices that i would not wish to make again. but i don’t want to think that something inside of me is attracting crazy people.

    that feels scary actually. like if i don’t figure out what it is about me that’s f*ckd up i’ll keep attracting crazies.

    ok off to make my wish board and focus on something that feels more positive.



  443.  #443Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 6:06 am

    (((Simply Goddess))) – I know this won’t help you right now, but trust me, you will feel a LOT better in a few weeks.

    From what you posted, things have been very tense between you and I won’t be surprised if you soon begin to feel like a massive weight has lifted.

    Also, if he didn’t have the guts to talk to you in person, then he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve so much better, and now he has left the door open for somebody more deserving to come into your life.

    xxxx



  444.  #444April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 6:18 am

    BW,

    I don’t think it is in the interest of my heart to demand or expect an apology – from anyone.

    It looks like depending on someone else’s behaviour. Holding them to ransom somehow.

    Can I live with/ be friends with WM if he doesn’t change his view of me or his behaviour towards me or repent his cold cruelty?

    Can you reconnect with Daria in spite of everything?



  445.  #445Rebecca on August 15, 2012 at 6:20 am

    I’m just wondering how…

    ‘even feeling like a big spider with a broken leg’

    is an “emotion”?

    I’m so confused… but, yikes, trying to learn..?!



  446.  #446Rebecca on August 15, 2012 at 6:22 am

    I’m feeling gloopy, gloopy, gloopy, gloopy, gloop…
    and grrr…. and sexy… hmmm…and confused, and tired and sleepy.. and loads of work to do… and don’t want to do it… and tired.. and sleepy.. and need to move…



  447.  #447Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 6:26 am

    April Rose, you’re right. And to be honest, I’m not holding my breath anyway.

    I suppose I have been hanging on to this as I feel compelled to “clear my name” and also TH’s, based on the untrue things that were posted on this blog.

    It was inappropriate and it was upsetting to me to have that plastered up there when it was a complete lie. I don’t care what people think about me to be honest, but make up lies about me, then I feel REALLY ANGRY!

    I will let this go, but her integrity in my eyes is now zero.

    As for your situation, yep I would personally want to take myself as far as possible away from him if he is being cruel and cold. Ick.

    What do you think? What do YOU want to do? What feels right to you?

    And thank you for your insight. I appreciate it! 🙂

    xxx



  448.  #448Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 6:26 am

    BWings I saw an apology from Daria in 373 above. I assumed it was for you



  449.  #449Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 6:30 am

    She felt “compelled” to apologise. That is not an apology in my eyes, but I have decided to drop it.

    I’ve had my say, everybody knows that something untrue was posted about my situation, and I will go back to focusing on what has become a significant positive change in my life. 🙂

    Thanks FW
    xxx



  450.  #450April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 6:31 am

    I changed my mood, my vibe.

    I put on different clothes, and some make-up and put my hair in cheeky bunches.

    I bounced along to the office where we work (it is a bigger building incorporating a theatre).

    I did it for me. And to meet him where he was asking me to – in a fun place of work.

    I asked him what would he like me to do. The response was cold, and I felt myself wanting to cry again.

    What to do when I perceive I am offering myself up to connect with him, and he makes no move to meet me?

    I want to give up.



  451.  #451Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Also BW people are different so we experience things differntly. What Daria wrote I experienced as her perceptions of the things you shared. She summarized it as her perceptions. I am struggling to see how it is a lie. Again differences in perception because we all live in different worlds.

    I wonder if you could go first in changing your perception around the words you read on a screen.



  452.  #452Sunshine on August 15, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Wildflower
    I feel the same way. I feel strange thinking about how I attract a mirroring toxic man…but maybe it isnt such a cookie cut thing. for example your guy is a pathological liar doesnt mean you secretly are, it could mean something more complex. Maybe your so nice that your not always honest so to not hurt someones feelings, or you dont make things up and lie rudely, but keep certain things to yourself to avoid conflict….in other words theres a similar essence but doesnt mean you have bad intentions…anyway just a thought because thats what Im trying to figure out for myself.



  453.  #453Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 6:38 am

    BW I encourage you to consider that it could be helping you to change from a pattern of harsh demands (as CCarter calls it) to being soft. This is about taking 100 percent responsibility for things that happen in your life. It has nothing to do with the other person.



  454.  #454Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 6:40 am

    451 FW – she posted that TH had done something specific which had in turn humiliated me.

    Firstly, he didn’t do ANYTHING. What she was saying HE did, I in fact did. I NEVER said he did it.

    Secondly, not once did I say I felt humiliated, so who was she to assume that I did?

    If I were to have perceived something about another incorrectly, then of course the very first thing I would do is apologise for my error in judgement.

    That’s what I believe somebody with manners and integrity would do.



  455.  #455Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 6:41 am

    April Rose, is it at all possible to change your working situation? It must feel awful to be working with somebody who is acting so cold.

    He’s obviously feeling very hurt by you going away, but then again, what did he expect huh?

    (((Hugs)))



  456.  #456April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 6:42 am

    BW,

    I too was under the impression that TH was about to change his facebook status.



  457.  #457Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 6:43 am

    April Rose commit to yourself. Look at him as if looking in a mirror at yourself. Offering up yourself to connect to you.



  458.  #458LiliBee on August 15, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Putting the focus back on me.

    I realize I’ve been putting off my routine blood tests since November.
    I was due for a dental cleaning and checkup in June, putting that off as well.
    I was due for a mammography in May, putting that off as well.

    Hmmm, interesting how I’m neglecting myself while accusing someone else of neglecting me.

    As I always say: My mirror never lies when I really look at it.

    The no1 person I should feel safe to count on to take care of me is ME.



  459.  #459April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 6:44 am

    thanks BW,
    Hugs feel sweet, right now.

    He has said that he feels hurt.

    I do not want to fall into feeling responsible. I am simply looking for the best life for myself and my inner girl.



  460.  #460Simply Goddess on August 15, 2012 at 6:48 am

    🙁

    ….



  461.  #461April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 6:48 am

    FW,
    I love what you say….offering yourself up to connect to you……
    what does that look like?
    I feel strange and hollow, like I’m missing something obvious.
    I thought I was connected to me.

    What am I missing here?



  462.  #462Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 6:49 am

    For sure April Rose. What matters most here is you.

    I think I remember a while back you were posting about your situation with him, so it’s not like your trip away should have been a complete surprise.

    xxx



  463.  #463April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Simply Goddess,

    If I were you I would give myself a HUGE HUG and tell myself all the things that I love and appreciate about me.

    And I would make a proper job of it – preparing a beautiful place to be, like a garden or park. And I would prepare a lovely parcel of my favourite goodies to take with me.

    And I would INDULGE ME in acknowledging my loveliness and all my charms and secret smiles.
    and I would look about me at children and old men and tired Mums and I would smile at them and MAKE them smile at me too …

    🙂



  464.  #464Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 6:54 am

    FW, I never said he changed it. You may have perceived that he did, but you didn’t go ahead and post that he did and that he humiliated me also.

    She had no right to post that. And honestly, it’s just a freaking FB status – which I changed!!!

    So I was NOT humiliated!!! SHE may have felt that way if some guy she was seeing had done so (in which case she could have said “Oh I would have felt so humiliated in your situation”), but no, in caps, she posted that he humiliated me, when he did not.

    I just don’t want her going ahead and doing the same thing to other sirens, because I did feel upset and angry, and yes I may have gone off the deep end, but it’s taught me a lot about the person too, so that’s a positive for me.



  465.  #465April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Lilibee

    I too have put off a lot of those self-care activities.

    My inner boy needs to pick up the slack here.

    If I understand right, men follow the example of our inner boy.



  466.  #466April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 7:02 am

    I want to give myself permission to dare to dream.

    I feel confused here as to what part of me grants the permission and what part dreams.

    Is it as follows?:

    Masculine grants permission?
    Feminine dreams of being a quirky jewellery and bag designer for a high-end market.
    Masculine puts plan into action to make dream realised.



  467.  #467Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I never take much notice of who is doing what (masculine vs feminine).

    I suppose the thing to remember is that masculine is doing and feminine is feeling/being?

    Something like that anyway! 🙂



  468.  #468Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Okay BW. My only hope is that you can see how easily misunderstandings can come about. We communicate with words kinda assuming that the other person get the same understanding we have when many times it is not. This happens in real life. Another reason I appreciate CCarter’s Seek first to understand rather than to be understood.



  469.  #469Wildflower on August 15, 2012 at 7:07 am

    RE 452 Sunshine

    thank you your response felt calming to read. i’m glad i’m not the only one who wonders about this from time to time 🙂



  470.  #470Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Haha LiliBee I just got off the phone with the dentist regarding work I have been neglecting for 6 months. I feel relieved accepting that I am human.



  471.  #471Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 7:10 am

    April Rose that looks like standing in front of the mirror and hugging yourself like you advised SG and saying some affirmations. Even if he is right there.



  472.  #472Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 7:19 am

    468 FW – of course misunderstandings happen. I’ve also misunderstood others’ situations in the past. It’s easy to do.

    But when I do, I apologise for them because I believe it’s the right thing to do. My integrity is very important to me, so I will apologise in any situation like that where I feel I am in the wrong, even if it was just a misunderstanding. And then it’s forgotten and everybody moves on. Easy.

    In this case I see I’m never going to get that apology (and now it would mean nothing – too much time has passed), so my opinion of her is now somewhat different to what it would have been if she had.

    I’m not going to lose any sleep over it though…



  473.  #473Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 7:20 am

    470 FW – I’ve not been to the dentist in almost ELEVEN years!!! EEEK!

    And before that it had also been 10 years since my last visit! Luckily I only needed one filling.

    When I finally get around to it, hopefully it’ll be the same story and only minor work (if any) will be needed! :O



  474.  #474Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 7:23 am

    I feel like a completely different person from just a week ago.

    Last Thursday I was in a therapists office being told that I showed all the classic signs of somebody with major depression. That felt like a huge slap in the face. I couldn’t believe it. But I do admit, I was a total and complete MESS at the time…

    But today, I feel unbelievably happy!

    I am in a very well-paid job and can support myself and my two beautiful “babies” easily, my boss is great, I have a roof over my head and food on the table, my social life is now fabulous, TH is still around and VERY attentive (more than ever!), I have quality men complimenting me and even posting on FB to that effect, I have lots of REALLY nice shoes (thanks to TH!), my life is full, and I have a LOT of things coming up that I am looking forward to.

    Yep, life is GOOD!

    I’m going to see my therapist on Friday (work is paying), and I have a strong feeling that she will be VERY surprised to see the difference in me!

    I’m not yet sure if this massive change is the result of the BCP hormones wearing off, my change in mindset, my current circumstances, or all of the above. Hmmm….

    Either way, it’s all GOOD! 🙂



  475.  #475April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 7:27 am

    BW,

    I sense an unconscious expectation here – that other people’s values must be the same as your own.

    When they are not, you feel you have a right to dismiss the person…

    Am I on track here?…. I may be completely wrong.

    I personally don’t place much value in apologising, because I believe that each person is doing the best they can in each moment, in the realm of their own experience and perception. No need to apologise for that.



  476.  #476Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 7:27 am

    One more thing BW when I feel compelled to do something I feel it in my gut that it is my best interest to do and like I would be shoving myself aside if I didn’t. I like when I get that feeling because it erases all my doubts and it is usually right.

    “That is not an apology in my eyes”. Can you see how this is controlling? I hear Dominique’s words arounds around hearing “I love you” words when the man might be showing it in what he does and how he looks at you.



  477.  #477Simply Goddess on August 15, 2012 at 7:29 am

    So heartbroken right now..

    To end it after everything I have supported him with is one thing..

    To do it through texts so heartless is another..

    “Unfortunately Im too complicated and come with what you would see as too much headaches..
    I dont deserve the big deals that get made..
    But you obviously think you dont deserve it either..
    Ive said it all along u need someone without baggage.. and dont worry about me i always sort my problems out.. Just going to focus on doin what I want now.. There so much I wanna do.. Good luck with your job anyway, Im sure everything will iron out when you start work”

    That was a text i received.. How can he be so heartless.. He says hes not seeing me face to face or speaking on phone as it would be awkward..



  478.  #478Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 7:33 am

    475 April Rose – Not an unconscious expectation – yes I was expecting it and yes it seems her values definitely do not align to my values or those of anybody I normally associate with (thank you for pointing that out).

    I suppose my only avenue here is to choose to either accept her behaviour, or do what I normally do, and disassociate myself from somebody who I don’t feel I can relate to in a healthy way.

    476 FW – I suppose my inner boy was looking out for my girl, and like what AR pointed out, it seems we just do not “align”.

    🙂



  479.  #479Butterfly Wings on August 15, 2012 at 7:38 am

    SG – Sounds like he’s playing the victim there, but all that text means is that it’s time to love you and look after you and move on with your life.

    I have always believed that when bad things happen, there’s always a positive reason behind it – what happens is because something better is coming.

    You will look back at this as a mixed blessing, because he’s just made room for someone AMAZING to come into your life!!!

    xxx



  480.  #480Daria on August 15, 2012 at 7:40 am

    BW – i’m sorry for using harsh words with you and not the safe feeling message format

    (I feel a little angry that I had said sorry for the harsh words immediately after, and I feel unacknowledged for that)

    I don’t want any siren to feel unseen or unheard.

    I’m sorry for misunderstanding about the FB status… and ‘gently’… i feel unsure that it’s very important who changed it (though him changing it would’ve felt worse to me)… seeing as he ‘broke up with you’…

    *I* Daria would have felt awful and humiliated in many of the situations you’ve described with this man…

    and I’ve read MANY posts of you feeling awful too:

    “I do feel insecure and not valued…

    Especially when I see friends and family all around me in new relationships (waayyy newer than mine and TH’s), and they’re going overseas as a couple. I wonder what’s wrong with me that my guy doesn’t want that with me… ”

    “HE is the one who broke it off with me last week”

    “I am thinking that he wants things to look exactly like they did before we announced we were in a relationship. What I don’t understand about that is that everything would be exactly the same but without the FB relationship status. What the??”

    ” I think he thinks we can continue as we are, but with “single” FB relationship statuses. What’s with that???”

    “before I left home I found some pics on FB where he had posted flirty comments to another woman he met while overseas.”

    I know I would feel pist at someone pointing out that situations i’ve been in would feel humiliating to them. I’d feel furious… I feel humiliated that other people would think I – important, powerful me – am in a position of feeling humiliated…

    and that’s my stuff. and my mirror here. thank you.



  481.  #481April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 7:41 am

    I am (feeling?) more and more fascinated by the subtleties of thoughts masquerading as feelings. And the idea of thoughts making judgements leading to feelings.

    Crafty little things, those thoughts (judgement)

    I feel helpless to understand it (thought or feeling?)

    I’m beginning to notice how overrun with thought I am (thought thinking about itself)

    I feel confused (thoughts tangled up)

    Can I truly ever verbalise a feeling? (speculative thought)



  482.  #482Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 7:42 am

    BW this was your comment about FB
    “214: Butterfly Wings says:

    And… things have gone even further downhill than they already were.

    TH wanted me to go to the gym with him tonight but before I left home I found some pics on FB where he had posted flirty comments to another woman he met while overseas.”

    Regarding accepting someone’s behavior, that is a very interesting statement. For me it points to glimmers of controlling, even in myself. So much learning and reminders going on around accepting a man as he is, he will do what he wants and letting go of outcomes and control. Surrendering to what is.

    I was NOT happy to say the least, especially because my ex was doing the same thing before I left him. Ick!!!!

    then he got all angry and has now blocked me on FB – lol. I’m sure Rori wrote a post about that along the lines of RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!

    So now he’s angry. I’m also angry.

    I have a heap of his stuff still at my house. He has some of my things at his…

    Oh this day HAS to get better!!!!!”



  483.  #483April Rose on August 15, 2012 at 7:45 am

    I see an image of sirens on big high horses painted with shimmery colours….jousting….



  484.  #484Femininewoman on August 15, 2012 at 7:46 am

    April Rose/Daria I feel a swelling in my heart like the rise and fall of waves on the seashore reading Daria’s comment to Butterfly Wings.

    Daria I just read your previous comment in another thread about you being a bad communicator. Maybe that only happens when you are experiencing a huge crest of emotions and feel an urgency to respond immediately? Maybe