When There Are So Many Pieces To Why A Relationship Ended – And What You Need To Do…

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The Question:

Hi Rori, I recently got dumped by my man… We were together for 4 months and lived together for 3 months. Last year he broke up with his ex with whom he had a relationship of 10 years and a young son.

I asked him in the beginning if it wasn’t going too fast because he still had to fight for his son in court and was only being clean (drub abuse) for a few months.

He came on very strong and we talked about how we would like to get married somewhere exotic and seeing us living together in a warm country when we were old. About a month ago he said he had troubles getting his head to quiet down. Told me he didn’t want to lose me and loved me very deeply but needed some space.

The first 2 weeks we only texted less and he slept at his own home. But I wanted to fix things and went over or tried calling him for about a week. That’s when he decided to breakup because I couldn’t leave him alone. I understand my share in this and I regret it and took responsibility for my action. As we are co-workers we saw eachother 2 x a week.

Had a nice talk, but I was still clingy and needy. I felt in my gut that there was something wrong, but told him I trusted him to figure things out. But 2 weeks ago my mom saw his ex coming out of his house and they exchanged a brief kiss. This was the final drop for me because in the weeks I was trying to give him space he told me he had no contact with his ex and wanted nothing to do with her ever again. She made his life a living hell he told me and she kept away his son for months and now had to pay for court with money he didn’t have.

Anyway, knowing they kissed was my cue to leave. I packed his stuff nicely and brought it over (he wasn’t home). The next day he was angry with me at work telling me I overreacted and I made the decision to break up. I said to him that I didn’t want to break up but I do not allow such behavior and lies. On Friday he send me a long text apologizing for hurting me (breakup) but that he still things we are to different and is afraid that in the long term it will only get worse.

I replied letting him know that I hope he finds the answers he’s looking for and told him why I panicked and that’s something I’m working on. Since then it’s silent. +- 1,5 week now. I know I was in my masculin energy when we were together and also when he asked for space. I’m now practicing being more in my feminine energy. I was single for 10 years and I love the woman a I became.

But most of my girlfriends are also those masculine wives in their relationship. I knew all along that that’s not what I want. I want my man to be the king of our castle. I don’t want to be that nagging, controlling wife but I didn’t know how to until I went searching after our breakup and learned about feminine and masculine energy.

And I know my man is everything I’ve been looking for, he makes me feel safe, he’s romantic, he fixes things around the house, he’s playful, he’s very masculine, he’s sexy as hell, he’s protective, he makes me feel like a queen and makes me laugh all the time.

Unfortunately I lost him… I need some advice whether or not I should go to work. We can avoid each other and do not have to talk to each other. It’s just how do I make him fall in love with me again if we are in NC? Can I use the work thing in my advance? What do you think? Love, Karen

The Answer – from Siren School Director Natalina Love

Dear Karen, hi,  I’m so sorry you are experiencing such confusion and pain with this man, and I’m glad that you found Rori.

First off, please do not beat yourself up!!!

***This is The #1 Golden Rule for Sirens.

No Beating ourselves up (not even for beating ourselves up!).

We all go to that first…. How we could have, or should have done different in order to stop a man from pulling away from us…

It sounds like from what you wrote in about, this man would not have been able to inform you himself that the relationship was intensifying too quickly. It sounds like his lifestyle involves acertain amount of spontaneity as a base level.

Getting clear from drug use and misuse, is an admirable, yet still enormous step.

Separation from a 10 year relationship, that involves the mother of his child, is another big change.

As strange as it may sound, I’m glad that you were able to see what you did, and not feel blindsided later on down the road. This woman, no matter how much he may insist that she is not in his life – will never completely be out of the picture as the mother of his child.

Casual kisses and shows of affection may not be a big deal to him or some others – things like this may not be a deal breaker – though for you, a big part of this is in your ability to trust yourself.

If you are feeling shaken by this man’s involvement with this woman, if you are disturbed with his journey dealing with drugs… (and there are many women who are very clear about what they can handle in their relationship – as this decision becomes part of our future, our home and what our own and future children will grow up around).

I really felt touched reading how you asked him if this was moving too quickly, as I wonder if you already felt a hunch that it’s all been too quick for you….?

I can relate to this too, wanting reassurance from a man who is not exactly on the same page as us. Different lifestyle needs. Just different.

Maybe this will feel familiar to you, this idea that If He can tell us that everything is fine… maybe we can ignore our own awful feeling about ‘where the relationship is going’ …

Here’s the thing though, you don’t have to settle for a relationship where you have to carry the masculine energy always.

You don’t have to settle into a relationship where you are constantly uncertain of how he feels about you…

You do not have to convince a man to stay with you.

We Actually CAN’T convince a man to love us the way we wish to be loved at all…. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be loved completely, you can have a great relationship with a great masculine energy man.

You absolutely are NOT doomed to live out the same cookie cutter character as your ‘Masculine Energy Wife’ friends and Siren School Coaches can help you with that!

I love your list of qualities of what makes a man attractive to you, and THAT is something we can use too! In helping you connect with your emotional compass, that will guide you into the relationship you want.

*Wanting, and intending to be with a man you feel SAFE with – this is so crucial!

*Feeling a man’s protective-of-you energy

*Wanting Romance! Yes! Wanting to feel wanted, Sexually, and in all ways…

*Men who are ready to invest in the house and home, fixing and happily doing things to ‘fluff the nest”. I love this too!

*Wanting a man who is playful, and you can laugh and have fun together. YES!

*A man who is comfortable carrying the masculine energy in the relationship

It’s evident that this man truly inspired you in these last several months.

That is so important for us Sirens to be able to tap into that vibe, the energy where we feel like a queen. In the very very least we can tip our hats to what he has already inspired in you for your own personal feminine trail. That is worth something.

Now, You ask specifically about how to get him back – and if you can use your work situation to an advantage….

When we go into any energy exchange hoping to get a man to do something…feel something….. Fundamentally we lose.

That doesn’t mean that your path with this man is completely over, your very best bet at bringing him back, and bringing him closer is to completely let go of the agenda to get him back.

I know that feels and sounds all kinds of awful…. And wrong…. And yet… ESPECIALLY with masculine energy men, it is crucial to lean back, let go and allow him to come to you.

Your job in all of this will be in reclaiming yourself.

You mentioned while being single, you started falling in love with, and feeling a new kind of respect for the woman you have become.

THAT IS SOOO POWERFUL.

That’s the right direction. Keep walking with that energy.

More in regards to your work:

Is this your dream job?

You don’t mention anything in particular about your relationship to your career and work… If you have ambitions for career and job that your current situation isn’t able to fulfill – start exploring your options there.

This alone will shift your energy and vibe significantly. You wont need to chase him, you wont need to ‘let him know’ you are working on yourself…. But men DO notice.

If he is able to join you in the relationship you want, this will get you a good start.

If you would like to be coached and learn more tools and skills to help you connect with and trust your innate feminine power of attraction, continue growing skills for thriving in your femminine energy and in your relationships, inviting and enjoying more emotional connection.

You’ll learn feminine energy practices that effortlessly bring a man close in the Siren Circle private coaching program.

If THIS Man has what it takes to do the real relationship you want, you’ll be able to see right away.

The Siren Circle program offers a format of 3 full hour sessions privately, and also includes 4 weeks of voice messaging support for $297.

The Very First Zoom Session Focuses on our internal energy exchange – that either is pushing great men away from us, or effortlessly attracting him…

I will be there to organize and schedule your sessions for you, and assign the most optimum coaches for you. Just go here to sign up, and I will immediately get in touch with you with welcome materials.

Love, Natalina

Siren School Director

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