When You Don’t See Enough Of A Man Because He Doesn’t Ask Early Enough To Get A Babysitter – Or Change Your Plans…

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The Question:

“I am a single mom, dating a new man, who I do not see nearly enough! Our schedules for weekend fun do not sync up.
Do I just wait till he feels the desire? Sometimes I think he doesn’t ask because he knows my parenting schedule. I have told him I may be able to do something with notice. Advice?

My Answer:

This is all about Feeling Messages… 
One of the big sections in the Love Scripts program is about “asking for more” – we go through it on video, with women live on stage – and go through nearly every scenario imaginable.  Yet – the basics are right in the ebook Have The relationship You Want!
Everyone knows that a single mom needs a babysitter in order to go out. Everyone.
A man who does not know this is either not being enlightened by a woman, or is playing dumb because his interest is not all there.
And “asking” for anything from a man is the quickest way to dampen his ardor – Which is the reverse of what you want.
Once you learn the basics of Feeling Messages, and practice them, you will able to say things like “It would feel amazing to be with you more, and I feel so frustrated without a babysitter at short notice. What do you think we can do?”
And then, it’s all about your “vibe” – because if you’re radiating an inner vibe of discomfort, anger, subconsciously or knowingly blaming him for “not getting this” – so many other emotional possibilities, that’s what he’ll pick up.
Oh – you may not know about this program: “Siren Mom” – it will solve ALL of those questions and problems…
Love, Rori
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12 Comments

  1.  #1Grace on September 27, 2017 at 9:54 am

    Hmm….I’m finding that asking doesn’t dampen LD’s ardor, it only makes him adore me more.



  2.  #2Grace on September 27, 2017 at 10:21 am

    I wasn’t finished with that post, it posted accidentally… to make it make more sense, I’ll share that my relationship with LD has done a 180.

    We both got on medication to stabilize our moods and faced some of our demons. He and I both quit pretending we were ‘normal’ people who wanted ‘normal’ things, let go of our ideals, and accepted certain things about ourselves and each other.
    .
    I followed my feelings, stayed on my horse, kept the focus on me, and organically we slipped into a new groove and have been there ever since.

    It isn’t perfect, yet it’s absolute best I’ve had yet so if there’s better for me in the future, great! For now, this is working.



  3.  #3Rori Raye on September 28, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    Grace – you’re awesome! Love, Rori Thank you for laying out what you’re doing that’s working…



  4.  #4Grace on October 2, 2017 at 7:49 am

    hahaha I spoke too soon – of course the sh!t hit the fan again.
    I don’t feel like I’m in love anymore and am just going through the motions until I figure something out.

    I feel scared to break up and leave because he has been so utterly nasty and threatening when I’ve tried to leave in the past. I feel like it needs to be done carefully.
    I’ve scheduled some time with my younger sister, who is the most intelligent, practical, has-her-life-together person I know and am going to enlist her help in hatching an escape plan.

    *sigh*

    The good thing is, I know better than to give away years of my life to this mess.

    *big deep sigh*



  5.  #5Indigo on October 2, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    Grace,

    You sound together and level-headed about this, which is great.

    *Hugs*



  6.  #6Grace on October 7, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    I’ve just been using the tools and using the tools and using the tools, staying out of blame, stating on my horse, “doing nothing”, sharing fm’s because I felt like it and not because of an agenda.

    Last night I literally danced away and sang a little song to him bevause I felt myself falling for the “fight” bait, aNd caught myself.

    Tonight we had a heart-to-heart. Literally holding each other heart-to-heart, crying, and him apologizing to me.

    Saying he was so, so sorry. He really believed it was a forever thing, he honestly did. He is going to walk away from it a better person and he’s so grateful for having me un his life, and he’s sorry.

    I sobbed while he held me.

    I feel Happythankyoumoreplease.



  7.  #7Grace on October 7, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    I also apologized to him. I told hime I felt sorry, so, so sorry. He was straight up with me from day 1. He told me over and over and over again who he is and what he is about . He tried to protect me but I rolled with in anyway because I loved him so much. (Also because I needed him so much, but I didn’t say that then.)



  8.  #8Grace on October 7, 2017 at 8:19 pm

    What I’m also feeling now, is how I felt I needed him to help me with my career and didn’t believe he would help or want to be friends with me if I didn’t sleep with him.



  9.  #9Grace on October 7, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    I’m cryingolaughing hearing his voice echo in my head telling me I’m too unstable for him

    The man who blackout drunks a few times a week and doesn’t remember being abusive to me, says I’m too unstable.

    He’s walking down the hall telling me yes, that’s how terribly bad I am. That I’m worse than tge unstable drunks in his life (who he never lived with, had sex with, or was in love with) and I’m feeling giggling and laughter and I just don’t believe him. He’s proven himself to be a liar so why would his opinion have any value?

    I feel giggling and smiling.

    He’s gone to his room and I to mine now.
    Happythankyoumoreplease



  10.  #10Grace on October 28, 2017 at 6:20 am

    I feel happy and motivated this morning. I’m dancing around the house to empowering music, packing my stuff.
    I have NO idea where I’m going. All I know is I need to be OUT of this house before LD returns home from his business trip next week.
    I have called women’s shelters and notice all sorts of blocks and resistance to going to one.
    I don’t know if the reasons are ‘real’ or simply unfounded fears.
    I still feel tearful at the idea that I may need to send my cat elsewhere. We were separated for SO long and I JUST GOT HER BACK a few months ago. My heart wrenches at the thought of once again not being able to care for her.

    I’ve been reading up on ‘enabling’ and I feel proud and relieved that I haven’t covered up anything. When he forgets to set his alarm because he’s been drinking, I let him. When he falls asleep with his face in his food in bed, I let him wake up with his face in his food. When I know he’s running late, I’ve found other things to occupy my attention (like…am *I* running late, lol.)

    He didn’t make arrangements for the yard to be cared for before he left, beer cans and trash from the garage remodel are all over the place. He has known for months about this trip, I haven’t picked any of that up. I need that energy for ME.

    He tried to start a fight the night before he left and blame ME for him f*cking up his job and I laughed and told him straight up he was perfectly capable of f*cking up his own jobs without me. I said straight up that I reject any blame or responsibility as he was f*cking up major jobs long before I ever came along.
    That shut him up real quick. I wasn’t going to be bullied!

    This has also carried over at work. I work with a recovered alcoholic who LOVES to just show up whenever he likes, even when he’s job lead. Over and over and over again he says to meet up at a certain time but shows up hours later. The last time we worked together with him as lead, the guys were whining and saying they were going to wait until he showed up. They wanted to waste time. I told them they could do whatever they like but I was going to get to work. They all followed suit! I was surprised!
    Then the lead showed up EXACTLY as we were loading the truck and leaving the site. There was ONE thing left to do that he needed to do, and the look on his face as we loaded up and left him there to do that on his own was priceless. He looked so surprised and like a little kid who had his candy taken away.

    Since then he has treated me TOTALLY differently, he’s been honest with me about when he will arrive, been more respectful, and actually seemed more calm and centered at work.

    I feel pride in my strength.

    LD has continued to text me from on the road. I keep responses to a minimum, rather than sharing my feelings as I have learned he can and will use ANY vulnerability against me. “That’s nice. Thanks for sharing.”

    I haven’t told him that I plan to leave before he gets back. I got a PO box and have started forwarding my mail since I don’t know yet where I will go.
    I have a plan for dealing with him since he will always be able to get my phone number through mutual contacts and we work in the same industry.

    I wonder if a coach can help coach me through moving forward and into my own place and learning how to support myself sustainably in the future??

    I feel so grateful for clarity.
    happythankyoumoreplease!



  11.  #11Grace on October 28, 2017 at 6:25 am

    I also feel smiley and grateful remembering that over and over and OVER again, when I’ve felt all kinds of feels, I’ve sank into myself and asked, WHAT DO I DOOOO?
    Rori’s words came back to me again and again…”DO NOTHING.” I would feel relieved and giggle and get focused back on my life and taking care of me whenever I would remember…DO NOTHING.

    Rori thank you again and again for the tools and for teaching me what I could be “doing” differently, helping me shift my patterns.
    I feel happy and grateful, grateful, grateful.
    thank you thank you thank you.



  12.  #12Grace on November 19, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    I’m out. Hoo fricking ray! 😀
    My kitty is safe and sound with a friend, she’s happy and content and being well cared for.

    I feel like a rock star. I was very open with my friends and family about the abuse. I stood up big time for myself with LD and felt my mind start to clear from old confusion and feeling as if things were my fault. I soundly rejected any arguments that any of his abuse was justified, and could see the crazy for what it was.
    It got to the point that for several weeks I would only communicate with him via text so I would have a record of our conversations.

    I asked him to stop contacting me, which he ignored then tried to get around by contacting family members.

    My boss offered his wife’s services as an attorney so she sent him a cease and desist letter. Since he is a coward at heart, I feel confident it will be enough to let him know I’m not the easy target he thought I was.

    It became obvious to me that at deep levels I was healing from old wounds of believing abuse from the past was my fault and that if I acted differently or had better relationship skills or ..something…then the person abusing me would stop being abusive.

    I could feel a HUGE change in myself. Once upon a time, the sort of ongoing drama and fighting that he seemed to continually want to engage in was something I did for years on end with my exes and I lived for the rush of it. Now none of that feels the least bit attractive to me at all. I feel disgusted and repelled by it. I feel YUCK about it.

    I feel that because I’ve been so open with some of my coworkers about my experience, my vulnerabilities and weaknesses within the relationship, I’m actually being treated BETTER and more respectfully than before. It feels good.

    I feel happy. I feel totally complete with the experience. There is still some struggle and residual memories surfacing, and I feel good about the plan of self-care, including mental health care, that I have set for myself which I expect will heal my mind of those patterns.

    I feel content.
    I feel complete within myself. The feeling of longing and yearning to be in a relationship is gone. I feel happy, excited and hopeful about my future! I feel excited to be single again!