When You Really, Really Need To Circular Date!

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The Question:

“Rori, I’m 38 yo and recently divorced (separated for 1.5 yrs in a relationship that was over for me emotionally years before) and I have a 5 yo. I’ve been dating casually for the past year, but find I keep getting more serious with divorced men who are super into me from the start, then pull back after a month and say things like “this feels more serious” “I don’t know what I want” “I’m walled off…or I don’t know how to be vulnerable”…etc.

My current situation has been going on for 2-3 months and there’s clearly something special there, but he just told me he needs more alone time which will result in us seeing each other once a week. He’s been doing a lot of family traveling/shuffling of his kids, so I have empathy for where he is now.

I gave him an out to have us just end our relationship, which he doesn’t want to do. I was calm in my response to his request for space and slowing the pace…and admittedly, I could also use a slower pace as I can easily jump/fall into something.

However, I don’t know how to back peddle without totally shutting down.

He certainly wants to keep me around, but I don’t want to be an after thought or space filler for when he’s lonely and wants company outside of his kids or friends.

But maybe I’m trying to fix a man who is too emotionally closed off? Confused”

Natalina Love’s Answer:

Dear Amanda, Hi, This is Natalina Love and your question is huge and important.

It’s about Emotional Intimacy, Emotional Attraction, and, at it’s core, it’s about Feminine Energy and how to be in yours, totally…all the time.

Intimacy and commitment are like a double edged sword.

We want to be cut deeply and profoundly….while at the same time we are scared to death of even the consideration of a papercut… it’s like: “cut me! kill me! but do it gentle!” ha…

The good news here is, and there’s a lot of good news, is that you can do less and be getting so much more with all of these men as you continue to Circular Date.

You’ve already been in some of a groove with what is behind Circular Dating, and I think you can quite gracefully get to the next level: in a way that has men asking YOU for more, not less…

…and instead of having you feeling compelled to offer breakup solutions, yuck, you’ll get to be on the receiving end of conversations around what you want to build with a man, and likely experience the reverse of what has been going on with these men…

Where you talk about “back peddling” – what if you don’t need to worry about going backwards at all?

There’s what I call “Pending Energy” here, for sure, and we can USE all of your Pending Energy and channel it to places that will fuel your Feminine vibe.

This way, you’ll be able to attract more attention to you from these men who really actually ARE ready for more – not less.

Often enough the men we attract, the men we feel pulled to, wind up showing us what  is  going on inside us.

Being in front of a man who knows what he wants and it’s US…. whoa…. that is a wild feeling…

…and you can learn to handle that!

You don’t have to just wait and watch and hope…

You’ve got options!

Love, Natalina

From Rori: “Confused”, If you need help with this – with continuing to Circular Date without feeling the need to stop seeing this particular man (until you FEEL “done”) – we’re here to help in The Siren Membership with Siren Island Live Coaching, and The Feminine Energy Workshop.

I know the idea of having a conversation with him that talks about “exclusivity” is weird and scary – and yet – from what you’ve written about what he’s said, I don’t see that you even NEED to do that.

Perhaps you can simply assume you are just “dating” and NOT in a relationship that even needs to be defined!

You can do this.

Love, Rori

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