When You’re Not Tethered To Reality About A Man It Seems Like It’s His Fault

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Here’s a very extreme situation that I know we can ALL relate to:

“Rori, I have reached out for help in all the wrong places. I need some advice, and am ready to do anything. I fell in love with a boy who fell in love with me. It was a first love for both of us, emotionally and physically.

We were in high school, and it lasted almost 2 years. I was devastated. It took me a very long time to get over the “being dumped” event, when he said it was over, he meant it, there was almost no communication the rest of H.S. I was under the impression that he was near hatred when it came to me.

Needless to say you never forget your first. Fast forward 35 yrs, I find him on face book and somehow find the courage to contact him, he replies back with in 12 hrs, he lives across the country from me.

After the first long messages he starts flirting with me and I in return.

Within a week or so he asks me to visit, I felt as if I was in heaven, after 35 yrs of thinking he couldn’t stand me here he is begging me to visit him.

We pick a date, and then he says he can’t wait that long come sooner, and of course I wanted to be there yesterday so I agree. Three glorious days and nights, the first night was comparable to the first night of a honeymoon.

The next two nights he passes out.

I leave to come back home, knowing that the very least we would be special friends. The heart break begins, I try to text or call him the first 2 weeks I get home, no reply ever, I finally become so angry I fire off an email filled with words aimed to hurt, I could not believe he was going to do this again!!!

He hit back, I asked him to reimburse me for his personal expenses on the room that I paid for in total, that week end cost me over $1,000. I also added I could take legal action if necessary.

Yep, all the wrong things, I know. I realized I had uped the anty, ever time I would try and contact him he would block me, text, block my number, face book, blocked me, etc. Finally, after months, I let him know how important it was for me to have at least a close out conversation w/him that I was willing to stop off in his town on my way traveling across country for work, or he could text out the conversation with me!

After enuf back and forth texting, he finally said, look you crazy bitch you threatened to sue me, leave me alone.

I was devastated, I waited to get back to him, as he blocked all and any ways possible that I could contact him. When I was finally able to text him again I tried to explain that those words were stated only to hurt him as he had cheapened me, and made me feel used and discarded. I apologized sincerely and asked if we could start over and just have a friendship.

No reply. Little things would happen, see an old friend of his and I would text him, no reply, I have tried everything I know to re-establish contact with him in a non threatening way, no reply. I have never seen anyone try so hard to avoid someone who lives 3,000 miles away?

I have to admit I believe we both have unfinished issues, how it went off track and why are no longer my issue, my wish is to simply re-establish some kind of friendship, or just courtesy friends, I am completely obsessed at this point, I cry everyday, I ask myself how bad must I be that someone could work so hard to never hear from a person again!

I have written 1000 letters to him in my mind and on paper, hoping to find just the right words. Please, Please help me.

In my profession, I’ll be at a national conference and competition this fall – near the town where he lives.

Getting this far is a coup in my career, and that information I have managed not to tell him. He works very close to the competition venue, and there’s a good chance I could run into him.

I would love to be free to know it would be a pleasant surprise to see me, rather than have him break into a full sprint at the sight of me! I don’t think I can do what he says he wants, forget he exists, HOW?

Please show me the way home from this nightmare! He is a typical 50+ year old man, no hair and pudgy, and it matters not to me, I’ve loved him since I was fourteen and was an innocent girl, how do I just pretend he doesn’t exist, we were so close and in love in H.S. and went to different schools, all girl for me and all boy for him, when we reconnected it was as if the time divide didn’t exist, we shared things with each other and held nothing back, from there to the abyss?

He does consider himself a real ladies man, and he says most people say he looks 37yrs old, he also told me I was the oldest girl he has slept with, and we’re the same age! Untangle me!

Thanks for the opportunity, all my friends say forget him, you don’t need a loser like that! I don’t see him as a loser, he’s part of my history, my story, I can’t. Ok I’ll stop now to give it a chance to be out there.”

From Me:

This may feel harsh, and I don’t want to be hurtful – but I know I may help you most by being as straight with you as I can:

Your obsession with this man is not tethered in any kind of reality.

You seem to have no experience at all with men and have no idea that this one man is just one man among millions – and that this man is TOTALLY NOT in your life.

That you would spend $1000 dollars on him, and then spend one more moment even thinking about him after he passed out on you tells me you have horrible self-esteem and some deep habitual patterns that are destroying your life.

That you would try to contact him now, and insist that he “owes” you some kind of closure – developing more anger and frustration and obsession – is completely outside the realm of reality (it’s rooted in a past that no longer exists), and doesn’t serve you at all.

Your friends are being kind trying to shift the responsibility to him – and it’s not helpful for you to think like that.

This is all about YOU and the responsibility you have to take care of yourself and to do the work YOU need to do for yourself.

As a woman with years and years of experience investing in Imaginary Relationships, I get how you feel – and yet, while I sort of “hung in there” forever – you are a woman of action.

And this action is killing your self-esteem, your sanity, and your love life.

I want to see you care for YOU in a real way.

Please read all you can here, and get some private coaching if doing this for yourself feels overwhelming.

Coaching may be where it’s at for you – even to just get you started on your personal journey to self-worth and happiness.

There are incredible coaches I love and refer to on this blog, Virginia Clark, Orna Walters, Dominique…you can’t go wrong with any of them.

Love, Rori

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752 Comments

  1.  #1Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Wow!



  2.  #2Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 6:37 am

    That’s a pretty extreme example of obsession! I have been on both sides of this situation. I have completely obsessed over a man and in fact am still doing it with GM, but not to this degree. I have also had my Ex obsess over me – he was actually worse than this woman in the things he said and did (All in the guise of trying to win me back). It is not any fun to be on either side of this kind of emotional torment.



  3.  #3Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 6:52 am

    “Your friends are being kind trying to shift the responsibility to him – and it’s not helpful for you to think like that.

    This is all about YOU and the responsibility you have to take care of yourself and to do the work YOU need to do for yourself”.

    This is what I believe we miss most of the time.



  4.  #4Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 7:14 am

    When you don’t hear back from him, try remembering that you are in his heart and mind regardless of the reply or lack thereof. When he won’t talk to you about the relationship, try thinking instead that he just doesn’t feel the need to, for you already are his forever girl. You really are. Can you reach out through the ethers and feel it?

    http://sexandheart.com/your-uncommunicative-man#comment-1976



  5.  #5Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Rori Raye says:
    Alias Girl – Try it this way: Instead of “Loving Him” when a man shows up after you’ve been Leaning Back – (no pretend or games, remember – perhaps you still have a very forward-leaning style of loving, so practice with that) – try OPENING UP. Just be warm, open, sensual, into yourself, smiling, experiencing, appreciative of what he does for you and the love he gives you.
    Believe it or not, it’s this accepting, receiving, appreciating, experiencing quality in a woman that feels like Love to a man. And if we can get used to it – it can feel like Loving to us, too. Because it is! Love, Rori



  6.  #6Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 7:43 am

    1. wendy, welcome – and this: “i am mutlitasking overfunctioning and dont know how to stop” is a lie you’re telling yourself. Just STOP. Stop, and feel how awful and weird it feels. Find some wonderful things to do instead – for YOU – discover who you are when you’re facing your fear of what life would be like if you didn’t do stuff for others instead of for yourself. Love, Rori
    2. Rori Raye says:
    wendy – more – and this is SO important. We overfunction because we WANT to. You’re going to have to stop, even though it feels wrong, and it’s not really what you want to do. If you need to for now, go volunteer – WITHOUT long-term commitment – at a shelter for women or children, or a soup kitchen, or a political campaign!. That will use your caretaking energy without wrecking your love life. Love, Rori



  7.  #7Sassy on June 21, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Linda-from the previous thread.
    Thank you for your response to my confused reaction.
    I am sorry you had such a bad experience. Trust me I know how it feels to believe in someone and to be straight up lied to.
    You appear to be very hurt, angry, resentful, etc. I don’t know how long ago this happened or how long your relationship was with him, but I can tell you that with all the love and support you will receive here AND from yourself, you will survive this and move on to bigger and better.



  8.  #8Sassy on June 21, 2012 at 8:06 am

    I absolutely can relate to this post. I never want to “go there” again!



  9.  #9Emoticon on June 21, 2012 at 8:09 am

    WOW



  10.  #10Sunshine on June 21, 2012 at 8:48 am

    I can relate to some of this article. Feeling obsessed feels scary, sad, hurt, angry, trapped, and stuck in consistent fantasy thoughts in order to cover and heal the pain of the reality of the situation.
    A therapist once told me I was a very creative person. I am. Im skilled in music, dance, story telling, comedian, thinking outside the box:) all great things but, I also figured out that that same part of me tends to create ideas that are not true (especially negative ones) such as assuming others’ thougths, imaginary relationships, and concluding what will happen in many situations in the worst sense. so, embrace your creativity at its best and love it and nurture its magesty, recognize the negative patterns of it and kindly take it somewhere else:)



  11.  #11Rebecca on June 21, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I also feel that rejection is sooo difficult. It is probably the hardest thing in the world. To know this person, who has provided that ‘spark’ ro your life, is out there, but doesn’t want you. So sad…. I have been there so many times. No matter how many times I trll myself to get back in the saddle and c date – I still find it hard… I always feel that the men I am attracted to are going ‘away’ from me, and the ones I am ‘not’ attracted to, are coming towards me… Pfffff…



  12.  #12Starla on June 21, 2012 at 9:25 am

    About oil pulling with coconut oil — I just wanted to mention that lots of people say sesame oil or gingerly oil is actually the best for oil pulling. They may very well be right! I use coconut oil because it’s less expensive and is great for oral hygiene due to it’s anti-bacterial/fungal properties. The thing is, oil pulling is done for benefits that reach far beyond just oral hygiene, so it’s not necessary to use coconut oil if you’re not primarily worried about oral hygiene.

    I suggested coconut oil to RG as less harsh alternative to peroxide/baking soda in her mouth.



  13.  #13Sunshine on June 21, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Rebecca, I feel that way too sometimes but im trying hard to just not even “like” first. i just show up maybe Im being closed now because of it but atleast i dont have false hope. i used to love false hope, i used to thrive in it. I would fantasize about my new crush and enjoy thinking about him, the possibilities and the imaginary future. I guess Ive had some hard lessons and I dont want to go back. Now I feel bored, weird but also relaxed. I dont feel excitement but I also dont feel the anxiety that comes with it either. I wonder if I will ever find a love that is exciting and relaxing, not anxious nor boring. I wonder if i will ever have that without the other….hope so



  14.  #14Esteemed on June 21, 2012 at 9:42 am

    (((Rebecca))),

    Sounds like you’re going thru a ruff time in a lot of areas. Sorry to hear you lost your job. If I can do anything to help, feel free to ask.

    I don’t like it when men play twenty questions. I just respond from the gut when they do that.

    «I feel better when I get to know someone organically…gradually, you know?»

    If he doesn’t get it, I might say, «I feel kinda resistant to playing twenty questions.»

    Or

    I feel invaded. I like to let myself be known as I feel comfortable.

    Or

    This feels forced. I like to take my time exploring a mans heart. What do you think?

    I used to think there was something wrong with me when I felt uncomfortable answering questions. But I just loved beyond questioned by R, and I still do!

    So I realized it was his timing and how he asked questions. I fallout valued as a human being. He took his time. We spent hours in 2009 with cuddling and pillow talk. I felt completely open.



  15.  #15Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 9:46 am

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  16.  #16Esteemed on June 21, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I continue to email Cape town Africa. I strongly suspect him I of being a scanner. I am hanging in because I am practicing feeling messages that might not be well received. I am speaking from my gut about feeling mistrustful. I am asking questions like I wonder if Mangroove is your real name?

    I am breaking away from the superficial practice of people passing. He KNOWS I don’t trust him. Just experimenting.



  17.  #17Starla on June 21, 2012 at 9:49 am

    🙁 CF does not even care enough about me to ask how I’m doing, to see if I am okay from getting rejected from grad school… nada…

    he doesn’t care about me anymore he doesn’t care about me anymore he doesn’t care about me anymore

    and i need to get that muthafukka out of my head and stop missing someone who obviously doesn’t give a f*ck about me. And I need to get it in my head that he doesn’t care about me anymore. Not enough to respond to me with even enough words to tell me he’d rather not talk, not enough to make sure I’m doing okay, not enough, not enough, not enough……..



  18.  #18Emoticon on June 21, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Had a interview yesterday to promote this new iphone/ android app.Have Fitting tomorrow for a photoshoot to model a clothing line…. yayyyy me I love being in NY!!



  19.  #19Tam on June 21, 2012 at 9:52 am

    11 + 13, yep, that all resonates with me too.



  20.  #20Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Esteemed I love Cape Town. Ask him stuff about the georgraphy. They have a famous plateau there named table mountain that is a tourist site. I would ask about Robben Island where Nelson Mandela was incarcerated. If he ever crossed the border to Zimbabwe and visited Victoria falls. Ask about their culture and what he does for relaxation. Even if he was a scammer I would love to have him as a penpal. They have a rich culture that would make a great topic of conversation and a great country as a vacation spot. I wonder what he knows about diamond mining? Or if he ever went down into one of the mines?



  21.  #21Zara on June 21, 2012 at 9:59 am

    793: Esteemed 

    ***After lunch, I emailed her saying it would go faster if we worked separately. She marched over to my desk, saying the team leader said to work together. If I have an issue, let me run it by him, not her. He was away until the end of the day.
    I just worked by myself. I don’t know what she is up to, but based on my experience, she is wanting to work with me so she can study me for weaknesses, then bury me. I am her competition. I can format circles around her.***

    Based on my reading understanding, she is up to follow her immediate leader, and she clearly told you so. I read nothing related to you, in her words to you.

    She was minding her job the way your group leader told you all to do your jobs and it is you who want to make her do things the way you want them to be done.
    Your attitude might appear to the bosses that you know better than your group leader. You chose not to work the way the team was told to do the job. I remember your attitude sent the same message last time you had a job and you got fired. If that is what you want, don’t mind my post. If that is not what you want, try to apply the leaning back in your job.

    Experiment with trusting your leader, and let him guide you as you would let a man lead you in a dance. Listen to the rhythm of your ballet choreograph and dance with the ballet troupe.
    Each dancer is important to the life of the show.
    Try it, as an experiment, you might be surprised of the feeling it creates in you.
    Try to let go off that fear. Nothing bad would happen, you would work a certain way, you don’t know which way yet, you would discover as you would be following your leader’s guide lines and see how it feels.
    Nothing bad would happen to you, only a sense of relief that you don’t have to hide any more, you don’t have to be on the defensive, you can put your shield down and breath, you can be, just be and follow your choreographer’s dance, one step after another. . . Let him be in charge and enjoy.

    Your female colleague is not forcing you to do things any special way. She is minding her job, sat at the same desk with you because her leader told her to.
    As far as she is concerned, you can dance an impromptu solo and you can even be fired for refusing to dance in harmony with the group, if that is your conscious adult choice, she does not mind.
    She has nothing to do with your choice to refuse to lean back and follow the rhythm.
    She is even telling you to talk to the leader directly if you please. Which tells how free she feels you are of doing exactly as you wish.

    The only thing I read in her answer to you is that you will not force her to become deaf to her choreographer’s music, you will not force her to become insensitive to her choreographer’s rhythm. You will not make her lean froward and over-function at work. You will not make her follow a different music than the one her choreograph is playing for the ballet group.
    But she did not say she does not want you to dance on the same music as everybody else and she did not say she does not want you to dance on your own music either. .
    You can play whatever music you want to, you can be the only one playing a different music and dancing a different dance if you wish, all she is saying is don’t project it on her.

    Your dance is about you, it is not about her or anybody else, no matter the music you choose to follow.



  22.  #22Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Emoticon where in NYC are you? Manhattan, midtown?



  23.  #23Zara on June 21, 2012 at 10:00 am

    796
    ***What I am speaking from is almost every job I ever had women who are jealous or threatened by my work and try to get me fired. I could tell you of one experience after another. ***

    It would be interesting to spot the common denominator to all these experiences.



  24.  #24Zara on June 21, 2012 at 10:00 am

    “”I am angry at John because he got me fired _ part 1″”
    Katie Byron
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvdl2Ddg7k8



  25.  #25Zara on June 21, 2012 at 10:01 am


  26.  #26Zara on June 21, 2012 at 10:01 am


  27.  #27Emoticon on June 21, 2012 at 10:04 am

    FW Im in Brooklyn, and work in Brooklyn but usually for these other jobs i have to travel to Manhattan or even further sometimes.



  28.  #28Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Thanks Emoticon for responding. I was wondering we were close by.



  29.  #29Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I guess when we’re not-tethered-to-reality-about-anybody-man-it-seems-like-its-their.



  30.  #30Emoticon on June 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Oh OK …. FW do you like living in NY all the time. Im only here for the summer but it feels so great being here. Like i feel like I just have more opportunities doing stuff that I love here and its breaking me even more out of my shell, cuz I feel like here is very conducive to me being me.



  31.  #31Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 10:12 am

    I like it lots of people and lots of things to do.



  32.  #32Starla on June 21, 2012 at 10:14 am

    “CF, I don’t understand… I was 150% kind and respectful about your decision to break things off. Why didn’t I get the decency of a 2-way conversation? I am still left wondering and it drives me crazy to assume you’re just like *that*”



  33.  #33Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Starla I am just wondering…….

    I am wondering if it is this need to get an answer (read closure) that he might be afraid of?

    I am wondering if he believes that he would never get the answer right?

    So he would keep getting questioned?



  34.  #34Tam on June 21, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Ah, I feel really well communicated with and cared for by my English BaldCD…aw, he went on holiday home and instead of just dropping off the radar, which is what I had expected and wouldn’t have even bothered me, he made sure to stay in touch even though it wasn’t easy, typing emails on his phone etc. Sweet.
    The more he seems interested, the more blase I get, and even a bit scared of next week when he gets back….eeek. I am not really very attracted to his looks at all and I worry that this is going to be a stumbling block here….hmmm…that scares me. But I trust all will be ok…it will all be ok.

    The strange thing is, I can almost see now why men get scared/put off if we start chasing them – cause I am getting scared too!! Ha!!!



  35.  #35Starla on June 21, 2012 at 10:32 am

    33 fw
    i don’t know…i can’t read his mind and getting in his head is a no-no? sigh



  36.  #36Starla on June 21, 2012 at 10:33 am

    for the record, i didn’t send that text. i’m just venting here.



  37.  #37Starla on June 21, 2012 at 10:34 am

    i just have this nagging fear that there’s something *else*, like someone said something about me, or that hacker fiasco wasn’t a bluff… you know? ugh



  38.  #38Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Welcome, and I know I’m disappointing you by saying this, but I think you know it already – you’re going about this all wrong. First – his “hurt” over your dating when you were broken up is pure bullshit. Don’t even give it a thought. Just say…it feels good to be wanted…it feels good to feel your possessiveness. And smile. You know you should have never cancelled your lease without a wedding date…but you have. If it were me, I’d go move to another apartment with my daughter, in the same neighborhood – no lease, just month to month, and tell your boyfriend that without a ring and wedding date and future plans, you feel just like you’re dating, and so you won’t be being exclusive with him either. Smile. Just say you’re looking to be married and secure, and if he’s not ready, that’s totally okay, and you get it, and he’s entitled, but it doesn’t work for you to commit so much to a man and not feel that commitment coming from the man. then follow through and Circular Date. That you need to take care of yourself and your daughter first, and you know that moving in with him under uncertain circustanes is going to make you crazy and make you want to push the relationshi and you don’t want to do that. You’re doing it already. Don’t do it anymore. We’ll give you help here, Love, Rori



  39.  #39Tam on June 21, 2012 at 10:45 am

    37 Starla, you are driving yourself mad, gurl….maybe by his silence he is just ‘telling’ you to let it go and focus back on yourself…he doesn’t want to explain…maybe no answer is his answer? We always want to discuss things and find out what the issues were, but in the end if the outcome is the same, the 2-way conversation which we want so much doesn’t change much. And he simply does not want it.
    I know, it’s horrible but I have been there too. My guy eventually answered (at the time), but was like a wounded animal, now I would not push a man for the conversation anymore, he has his reasons even if for us this is impossible to understand at the time…he has his reasons – and that’s the bottom line. Don’t torture yourself and think those reasons are, that he doesn’t or didn’t care for you. His reasons will be something to do with him most likely…
    Hugs, hugs, hugs to you xx



  40.  #40Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I have a first time date with a new POF guy tonight. We are meeting for dinner. I’m excited that I agreed to this dinner because I am also still seeing RL and have not yet told him that I don’t want a relationship with him – he never brought it up again after I told him I did not want him to change his FB relationship status and Tag me, which he requested in a text message . . . I am trying to make myself just relax and give things time to develop, but my Type-A personality is pushing for action!

    Still sending and receivng text conversations with GM. I know it is not really good for me – how will I ever get over him if I keep picking at the scab??? But I can’t help it! I enjoy our sparring – He told me today I was being “Sassy”! Lol – I really do love him madly . . . madly being the operative word ~



  41.  #41Starla on June 21, 2012 at 10:51 am

    I don’t want to change things between us. I’ve outgrown that man. I just want to know if there is some reason I need to know about.



  42.  #42Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Starla – I don’t think there is any chance that the threat you got was acted on – if anyone had received pics of you . . . they would have told you – especially a man – he would not have been able to control his desire to tell you what he got and see your reaction to it and find out why it had been sent, etc. In your heart, you know that is true. Let that one go!

    I don’t think you “need” closure – I know you “want” it, but you don’t have to have it right now. It isn’t over until it’s over. As long as you are both in this world, there is a chance that you will see him or hear from him again some day when the Universe decides that the time is right FOR YOU – just focus on you and on being happy and good things will come your way – if contact with him again is one of those good things . . . relax and let it be when the time is right.



  43.  #43ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 10:59 am

    @12 Starla

    I noticed today, I do have some raw sore areas on my gums where the peroxide was having a field day. I wonder if maybe I should keep up with the peroxide to help it heal. I’m thinking it’s mouth ulcers from my autoimmune flare. There are 3 or more of them covering the span of about 1.5 molars. I just called my rheumatologist and my dentist and both offices are not open right now. It’s times like these, I never know which doctor to see.



  44.  #44Starla on June 21, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I know it seems intuitive to use peroxide but it might be too harsh. Or use peroxide at night but use coconut oil in the morning to soothe it. 🙂



  45.  #45Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

    RG that was what I thought was happening. Regardless of what the doctor says, you also should keep track of what is happening to see how your body is responding to either. Please also know that if you are using something harsh your gums could tear a bit. Even if it is the toothbrush. It doesn’t have to be the autoimmune stress.



  46.  #46ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Starla – thanks 🙂

    FW, yes. I thought the floss got me the other day and I was feeling a bit sensitive. My toothbrush was worn out and I used a new one a couple of days ago. I felt it prior to that, so I don’t think it was the toothbrush. I didn’t notice any sores appearing until today, so maybe the peroxide brought them out, but I couldn’t tell last night cause my gum was completely white there.

    My hair is still falling out and my face is still breaking out, so I’m assuming it’s from the flare, as this is a common symptom. Usually, I get the ulcers on the inside of my cheeks, but I know they can be on the gums too. I will try my rheumy again in a little bit. They close for lunch every day.



  47.  #47Starla on June 21, 2012 at 11:23 am

    sorry to keep pushing the coconut oil, but it will help with the ulcers inside your mouth too.



  48.  #48Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

    I think it is important to find out what is the cause. If it is viral/fungal/bacterial or whether it is a breakdown of the immune system. Not sure though it it is a breakdown if then these toxins get released and start breaking down the tissues. I believe coconiut oil will help if toxins are presen. No??



  49.  #49ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 11:34 am

    @14 Esteemed and Rebecca

    I really liked it when Mr. Observant played 20 questions with me. I felt he was interested in knowing about me and I had never experienced that from a guy before. They were always just concerned with themselves. Mr. Observant was focusing on me and not him and this really was a turn on for me.



  50.  #50LoveAlways on June 21, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Hi Sirens:

    At first I thought this article was about imaginary relationships, but then I realized it goes much deep than that. It’s about the obsessive feelings and actions surrounding a man you are imagining a relationship with. I went through this kind of thing sort of with CDex. Making it his fault. When I need to take care of myself instead of focusing on him.

    I catch myself nowadays. When I don’t like now a man is treating me, I flip everything onto myself – why is this siren putting up with this treatment? I’ve come a long way.

    Great article – thought provoking (as usual) 🙂

    LoveAlways



  51.  #51Starla on June 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

    i think you would want to be very careful to rinse the mouth out thoroughly with salt water after using coconut oil, so that the garbage doesn’t stay behind.



  52.  #52ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

    @17 Starla

    Please don’t torture yourself. You don’t know what CF is thinking because he’s not sharing that with you. There’s no sense in making it up. He may just as well be having a very difficult time dealing with this too. Remember, if you’re going to make up a story, at least make it a good one! 🙂



  53.  #53Sassy on June 21, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Starla, I totally get what you’re saying. It’s been two weeks today since JT and I communicated. And as rotten and disrespectful as he was, I still feel the need to know why. I did nothing wrong, I know that logically. But I just can’t get past wanting to be told why. Wrong? Maybe. Stupid? Yep, probably. But it is what it is and I can’t help it. I’m just staying firm in my stance this time.



  54.  #54sia on June 21, 2012 at 11:50 am

    RG,
    there is a delicate balance between host – commensals and pathogens. Normally commensals don’t overgrow – they are kept in check by competing with each other- and they also stop pathogens from overgrowing. Hydrogen peroxide kills commensals as well as pathogens, so the balance in your mouth is gone – same effect as antibiotics on gut flora. Usually it is restored again immediately, unless you use HP persistently and/or have immune disease, in which case there is no telling which way it could all go. HP is a natural product: a toxic chemical which immune system uses to kill pathogens after constraining them within carefully controlled organelle – it is not freely poured onto host cells. I hope you are careful.



  55.  #55ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Calypso

    Thank you for your response from the previous thread! 🙂



  56.  #56ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 11:59 am

    47 & 48 Starla and FW

    Yes, I read coconut oil is good for removing toxins. It’s so hard to get a real answer. The doctors are all so ambiguous when it comes to autoimmune. I’ve been looking into alternative/holistic doctors, but I find it so hard to know if they are on the up and up. A lot of them are chiropractors, which feels strange to me. Some places do hair and saliva testing.



  57.  #57ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Thank you Sia 🙂



  58.  #58smile on June 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    #877 from previous thread

    Mary, Hi 🙂

    The conversation went like this…

    me: (name), I was looking forward to seeing you on Sunday and I was sad that it didn’t happen. I know you have your reasons and your own feelings about this but I feel like we are going around in circles. (like 6 bloody months lol – i didnt put this bit in lol!) I know you don’t want to hurt me but it would feel better for me if I took myself out of this pattern we keep getting in to. I need to look after my feelings. I know this situation feels stressful for both of us. I will drop your stuff off for you as I know its important stuff you need and I can pick up my house key. Are you in tonight? Or shall I leave it with your folks? x

    elasticband man: I am out tonight. I will get it tomorrow from you. Please don’t go around to my mum and dads they are not involved in this. Please let me come and sort it tomorrow.

    me: Please know I’m not trying to involve your parents. I’m just trying to get out of this cycle. It makes me feel anxious waiting when we have made plans. I’m respecting myself not to feel let down again. I felt close to you the other day 🙁 I’ll be leaving to go out at 8 tomorrow night. Otherwise I will be around monday eve x

    elasticband man:okay I will be there 100%, I promise x

    I know this isn’t perfect but it is a HUGE improvement to what my reaction was a few months ago when he first stood me up!

    Feel free to comment and let me know how you think I did…



  59.  #59ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    “Lupus erthematosus is connective tissue disorder characterized by oral lesions that will frequently ulcerate. The ulcers are surrounded by a sun-like radiating strata of fine white lines.”

    Mine are jaggedly outlined white and red in the center.

    “Mixed connective tissue disease (MCTD)/Undifferentiated may have signs and symptoms that may range from facial rashes, baldness, hair loss all over the body, photosensitivity, dry mouth, oral ulcers, sore gums, parotid salivary gland swellings, cold hands and feet and finger swellings.”

    This also describes me.

    I’m sure it’s just part of my flare. 🙁



  60.  #60Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Sirens – I’ve written this email, but have not sent it yet. It is to RL – thoughts or suggestions?

    “I hope you had a good day today! I have so much on my mind right now, but I keep coming back to your text last weekend about wanting to change your relationship status. I felt bad telling you that I wasn’t ready for that, but the truth is, I may not ever be ready for it.

    I enjoy spending time with you, going places and seeing new things together. The problem is, I don’t believe that it is going to go any deeper than that for me. I’m just not ready. I actually like being single right now – for the first time ever in my life I am happy just being “me”. You have not asked me, so I have not felt compelled to tell you, but I am still on POF. I have been talking to lots of people, making new friends. I have been out with a couple of people and am meeting someone for dinner tonight.

    My friends keep telling me that I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I know you are a good man and I do not want to mislead you or hurt your feelings! We have been spending so much time together it is starting to feel like we are a “couple” and although it feels nice and safe one minute, it feels wrong and constricting the next. I may just have serious intimacy issues – whatever it is, it is all about me and not a reflection on you at all – you have been so wonderful to me!

    I have no idea what the future will bring for me. I can’t see myself in a long-term committed relationship with anyone any time soon. If that is what you crave, you need to keep dating other people – I will completely understand. I need to feel free to do what I want right now without worrying about how it is going to impact anyone else. I know that sounds selfish and I guess it is, but it’s what I need to do for me. It may help for you to know that I was in a very serious relationship with a man last year that did not work out because he had commitment issues and I am still angry at him over that – something you may have guessed from some of my FB status updates . . .

    I am telling you all of this right now because I need to spend this coming weekend at home doing my own thing. I have to work next weekend for our mid-year inventory and I have been so busy doing other things I can feel myself getting tense with the thought of going to the Music Festival or anything else. I need some alone time..

    My relationship coach always say, “Don’t decide, discover” . . . I just need you to know I am on a personal journey to discovery right now and it may take me a very long time to get there.

    Please understand,
    (Name)”



  61.  #61Starla on June 21, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    The urge to text him passed. whew.



  62.  #62Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Calypso that is much too much. I can almost guarantee that he will not read it.



  63.  #63ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    @60 Calypso

    That is a very brave letter and I find it very respectable that you are explaining things to him, as many people wish everyone would do this.

    I wonder if there is too much information though. Like POF and meeting someone for dinner, I don’t feel it needs to be mentioned. Does he need to know this? You are probably going to hurt this man’s feelings, as it seems he really likes you, so maybe if you can buffer that a little for him, I would do so.

    I would also leave your friends out of it. He probably knows it, but you don’t have to tell him you’ve discussed this with your friends.

    I have a question…do you not want to move forward because you aren’t over unavailable man from last year?

    It’s a little confusing because at the beginning you are telling him basically, this isn’t going to work and may not ever work, but then you are telling him to feel free to date others, but to date you as well? Why would he date you, if you say it’s not going to work?



  64.  #64Emerson on June 21, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    I am choosing to NOT obsess over Recycled and he’s a non issue for me. I had to ask myself, do I really get that much out of spendign time with him? No. I am REALLY sensitive to others’ feelings and vibes and he was leaving me feeling depressed, confused and generally pessimistic. Because those are the themes he expressess often…and I really pick up on it. I’m easily influenced by others’ emotions.

    I found that emotions or vibes are very contagious for me. ToxicEx was obsessive, possessive and generally non trusting. SOOO…you guessed it…what did Emerson do??? She started to change into an obsessesive, possessive and generally non trusting girl.

    I don’t know what else to say



  65.  #65Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Calypso if you tell him you want to keep your options open it will say a lot without all the words. Could he see this as you rejecting him via email?



  66.  #66Emerson on June 21, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Starla I’m envious of you and your resistance to text CF…I wish I had NOT texted Recyled (because I never heard back but whatever!!!)

    I could have just gone on my merry way without sending the text to him.



  67.  #67Emerson on June 21, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I feel ashamed to feel so blue and sad when so many people are suffering worse than me. I feel guilty.



  68.  #68Emerson on June 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Calypso I agree with the other sirens.

    The email is too long and “explainey”….

    Remember explaining is a form of control (something I really struggle with)!!!!!



  69.  #69Starbright on June 21, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Calypso,

    Seems to me the letter may have been more for you to get more clear than it being something the guy needs to hear.



  70.  #70Tam on June 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    ((Emerson)). You have the right to feel blue and sad. For your reasons.



  71.  #71Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    RG – I totally get what you are saying! I have been feeling like I am on the verge of hurting his feelings for a while now – I think I am just trying to get it over with! Yikes!

    I am no where near over GM and wonder sometimes if I should be dating at all. I just want to CD, but RL started immediatly acting like we are a couple and I need to make it stop somehow. He mentioned me going to meet his family and I thought I was going to have a panic attack on the spot! He is just not The One for me and I want to keep looking.

    I need to think about your point at the end – do I think he will still want to date me? Do I even want to date him at all? We do have fun together . . . I’d be fine with it, but not sure about him? My feelings would not be hurt if he never wanted to see me again – because I don’t have feelings for him. Ugh . . .

    I should revise the whole thing and probably just end it? I hate this, but if I don’t do something, I will just keep hanging out with him and letting him think it is something real when it isn’t. Kind of like staying married for 23 years to a man I did not love . . . just being polite!

    FW – He writes me the longest text messages and emails I have ever received from a man . . . he will read it if I ever get happy with sending it.



  72.  #72Emerson on June 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Calypso, try to limit what you have to say to 1-2 sentences. It is an exercise I teach my students to try and get them to focus on what they are really trying to say.



  73.  #73Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    FW – you are right! If I do this, he will feel rejected via email. Yuck! I guess I need to talk to him in person – i just really don’t want to expend that energy right now – I have so much drama going on in other areas of my life and I am trying to protect me . . . I also don’t know if I will see him again before we are supposed to go to a Music Festival on Saturday – that I do not want to go to with him. :/



  74.  #74Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Starbright & Emmerson – How about: “I don’t want to see you any more – please go away!” LOL. Just kidding. I think I have decided to scap this project until I am more clear on exactly what I am trying to accomplish ~

    Thanks to all ~



  75.  #75ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Calypso

    It is him or is it you? What I mean by this, is he really not the one, is anyone going to be able to be the one right now? It seems you are not ready to move on, so the timing is not right, it doesn’t mean he isn’t right.

    My suggestion would be to tell him you have not healed from that relationship and you are not in a place right now for something serious. Tell him you understand if he is, but right now, the timing isn’t right for you, even though you enjoy his company. Truthfully, you have no idea how long it will be for the timing to be right. If he is looking for serious right now, then he may think about dating other people, since you cannot provide that.



  76.  #76Emerson on June 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    (((Calypso))) It’s difficult!!
    LOL you are funny…
    But in all seriousness, be true to yourself and if you don’t want to go with him to the event then cancel on him. You don’t have to give a lengthy explaination either.



  77.  #77Starla on June 21, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    omg India is sending me love haikus, lololol, i don’t like him like that, though. I keep saying “LOL stop it” every time he hits on me (facebook messages) but I guess that sounds flirtatious. I just wanna be friends with him! Sigh. And lol.



  78.  #78Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    RG – It is ME! I mean, there are things I don’t like about him, but they are things we could work through if I had any real desire to forge a lasting relationship.

    I feel like I need to tell my new date tonight that I am a train-wreck waiting to happen . . . lol. It’s hard to be a siren when you really don’t want to bring men too close!

    Good advice about telling him about how I am feeling from my last relationship. We have not talked about it at all. When we are together, there is not any talk of a relationship or feelings or anything like that, but he makes constant plans for us to be together and has stocked his fridge with my favorite drinks, etc. He is in an imaginary relationship with me :/



  79.  #79ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Calypso

    It might be a good idea to talk about it then. You never know what may come of it.



  80.  #80Alissandra Kay on June 21, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    As Rori rightly said, this man owes nothing. Often when an interaction/relationship with a man doesn’t go our way, we feel hurt, rejected and we lash out. But once we calm down and centre ourselves, we see that there was never any real connection there in the first place. It was all made up… But to get to that point we have to calm down and think, what is the worse that could happen if I never hear from this man again? That usually provides closure right there. Life will go on either way.



  81.  #81Turquoise on June 21, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Feel really relieved to have heard from dreamy several times today, but also painfully aware that I’m not as healed as I thought. Maybe it’s too soon to feel secure, or maybe that’s a big issue for me…. But I really equated his not texting me as him not wanting to be with me. Even though I know how hard he works and that tuesdays are especially long with meetings. I want to work on my triggers and nv’s. Any suggestions?



  82.  #82Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Music Festival. I have one on Saturday. Are you in NY Calypso?



  83.  #83Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Calypso did he ask for a relationship?



  84.  #84Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Turq did you discuss what sex mean to you and what kind of behavior you expect around contact before getting involved?



  85.  #85Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Calypso it looks like you are looking at intimacy and cringing.

    It is okay to let him know you are feeling a bit smothered, that you might have gotten a little ahead of yourself and now want to slow down because things are moving too fast for you.



  86.  #86Rori Raye on June 21, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Alissandra – Welcome, and thank you! I went to your site – you seem wonderful, and please feel free to comment here as much as you like – send me a guest post to publish here, too, if you like. Love, Rori



  87.  #87Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Interesting one:-

    Paula, for what it’s worth from me…I tell women to lower their age in the official part, and then tell the truth in the profile – this way you show up in the “sort” men do by age…but you’re not feeling like you’re lying, either. I’m personally a bit buffaloed by the age thing, myself. I almost feel it’s no one’s business – but in dating – truth is all, and age is something, if he wants to know, you have to tell the truth. And…I don’t think this was about age. Falling for someone is mysterious. There’s no way to make it happen or quantify it if he’s not already part of the way there. You can help him fall, you can set the stage, you can create the space he falls into – but if who you are right now is not who sets him emotionally and physically afire – he’s not for you. I don’t think you did anything wrong…and I’m sorry you didn’t get the results you want. Love, Rori
    1. Re the age thing…When you fill out the forms on match, for instance – you put a birthdate/age. That age is what causes you to show up when a man first enters his preferences. If you’re 51, and he puts in 35-50 – you won’t show up. So – I say, put your official age at 50 – and then in the body of the profile put – Oh, by the way, I’m actually 51, but I put it at 50 just for the data sort…honesty feels important to me…and technology requires creativity….” or something like that. Or don’t if you’d rather not. If it were me…I’d experiment on different sites and see what happens both ways…and as long as I’m telling the truth in the profile or the sidebar of the profile – doesn’t matter how creative I get in the sort mechanics. I want you to take a professional glamor shot, too – and no one looks that way 100% of the time. Put some more natural (but BEAUTIFUL) shots in the “other photos” but put the one that gets the most hits as the primary photo. The photo that shows up first is the one that determines the quality of men you attract to get one step closer to you…We’re looking for a pool of men, remember, to Circular Date swth – we’re not looking for Mr. Right. That really helps when you’re doing this…Love, Rori

    97: Rori Raye says:
    Tina – good question – don’t fudge about anything else that shows up on your profile page – weight, anything…stay totally true to yourself on your profile page. I still stick with the experiment with the age for the data sort, though..



  88.  #88Smile on June 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I’m feeling uneasy about my boundaries but they are my boundaries, I love my boundaries

    I’m wondering how men perceive feeling messages when they are negative feelings?

    Like … I feel disappointed

    ?????



  89.  #89Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    it’s great and very advanced to say “I’m feeling myself feeling judgmental here about that, and I don’t like feeling this way…” Love, Rori



  90.  #90Smile on June 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    I’m feeling curious

    I’m feeling inspired to learn more



  91.  #91Smile on June 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I’m feeling curious

    I’m feeling inspired to learn more



  92.  #92Smile on June 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Learning about relationships is helping me go through the process of my break up. I am healing whilst still smack bang in the muddle of the break up.

    I love learning

    I am learning about me and what I want and what I will give and what I won’t tolerate



  93.  #93siren song on June 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    starla,

    you say CF doesn’t think about you…you don’t know that. i think about guy who loves me every day and rarely contact him. just a thought.



  94.  #94Brandylion on June 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Oh, I opened Facebook to waste a few minutes, and PriestCD has added pictures from the school trip he is on in Europe. The biggest one in the news feed is of him with the other teacher leading the trip, and my heart literally skipped a beat being surprised by that handsome face, and I felt a rush of adrenaline course through my veins and goosebumps spread over my body.

    Le sigh. So not even close to over him. :-/



  95.  #95Starla on June 21, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    i wish he would contact me:( I wish he would feel inspired to get his issued sorted out and come back to me. I can’t be with him unless he commits to sorting out his issues either.



  96.  #96Brandylion on June 21, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Interesting. There was no pang of sadness when I saw the pictures, even the ones with him in them.

    He had a beard when I last saw him in March, and he’d said that he usually shaves it down to a goatee over spring break and then stays mostly clean-shaven over the summer. He had the goatee when we met for lunch a couple of weeks ago, and I commented that I’d wondered if he’d be clean-shaven yet. He’s shaved the goatee, and he looked just like he did when we met last summer.

    And now I feel sad and wistful. I really still don’t get how to get myself so engrossed in what I’m doing that I don’t think about him (or any man)…



  97.  #97siren song on June 21, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    that’s how i feel about guy who loves me.

    it’s funny, i realised today that i will never lean forward with him again given that he’s dating others. i feel zero desire to call him or text him. less than zero. it’s sort of freeing.



  98.  #98Starla on June 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    god, please help me let go



  99.  #99Smile on June 21, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    My personal experience of Facebook has not been a healthy one for me, it has made me pine for my ex before my ex for far longer than I needed to. Last week I deleted him as a friend. Why was I putting myself through the torture of seeing him with someone else? Was it torture? More like regret? Or simply grieving a loss of a nice memory? Hmm?



  100.  #100Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    FW – He texted me last Sunday and said he wanted to change his relationship status on FB and tag me. I texted back that I would rather he not do that right now and that we needed to discuss it first and that I needed to go slow in the “Relationship” front. he said, “Cool – I understand”.

    He is a very nice man – I am just not interested in him.

    The only man I can think of wanting to be emotionally intimate with is GM. Anyone else who has tried to get close to me emotionally since our break-up has been met with a brick wall. I’m so not ready. . . And I’m ok with that!



  101.  #101Smile on June 21, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Ha 2 years it has taken me to do that!



  102.  #102Starla on June 21, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I blocked all reminders of CF from my feed. I didn’t unfriend him because it’d be petty. Both of us have mostly public profiles and we went to high school together and it would start more drama than its worth with our mutual friends.



  103.  #103Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Calypso maybe he isnt either. He might have attracted his match? I wonder if he would run if you threw yourself at him?



  104.  #104Brandylion on June 21, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    BTW, someone recommended Baggage Reclaim to me on the last thread. I’d already followed a link to it from someone else’s post on yet another previous thread, and had read a bunch of articles on rejection, break-ups, boundaries, and others.

    Some of the articles I read resulted in me beating myself up a little more, but overall I did find some of them helpful.

    I realized this morning a big part of why I got over my college boyfriend so quickly and not so quickly over PriestCD. This reason requires back story, so I won’t get to it for several paragraphs. 🙂

    I have commented here, and to friends, and to him, even, that he will be on my mind until I have someone else in my life, even just a crush. That’s just the way I’ve always worked; when I met PriestCD, an eight-month crush on a coworker was dying, due in large part to the work I was doing on myself through Rori’s materials, and as soon as I met PriestCD I no longer thought about the coworker! I’ve always had at least one guy on my mind until someone else catches my attention.

    When I was in college, I was so insecure and inexperienced that I developed an instant crush on any guy who said something nice to me or did something nice for me. And I was naive enough to think that if a guy said something nice to me or did something nice for me that he was interested in me romantically. (Chalk that up to seeing guys interact with other girls in whom they were clearly interested and seeing no guys interact with me that way.)

    The night after my college boyfriend and I broke up, I was at a marching band party (yay bandies!) and thus surrounded by friends, and as I was leaving, an attractive guy friend (who has long since come out as gay) said something nice to me and may or may not have given me a hug as I was leaving. Instant crush! So, I had someone else to distract me from the pain of that break-up, but I’ve hardly even noticed attractive men around me for the last three months since this one.

    Add to that the fact that I did the dumping in that relationship and I was dumped in this relationship, so it was a much easier and less painful time for me as the dumper, and I see here a pattern:

    I have never really dealt with the pain of various rejections throughout my life until now! My best friend has been reassuring me that everything I’m feeling is not just about PriestCD. She and I talk about WAY more than what I post here, so I have known she is right. But now I KNOW she is right (Baggage Reclaim talked about this too)!

    The ah-hah is more about my pattern of distraction than it is about why I still hurt so much. I don’t hurt all the time, contrary to the impression I may be giving here, but it is INTENSE when I do and often results in me just sitting down somewhere and BAWLING, with gasping, choking sobs. And sometimes that is the result of my NVs telling me all kinds of stories I’d be better off not hearing.



  105.  #105Calypso on June 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    FW – LOL – That is somethign we will never know!

    I just texted him telling him that I needed some quiet “me” time this weekend and I hoped he would understand. (He had planned to take me to a Music Festival – I’m in Alabama – Not NY – LOL)

    He texted me back that he understood. I texted, “You r a good man” and he gave me a smiley face.

    Next week I will talk to him in person about what happened between me and GM and how I am feeling about all of that – not ready for anything serious, etc.

    That feels way better than the email I was going to send.

    I appreciate all of the feedback on that!

    Now I have to go get ready to meet a new POF guy – Lord I’m tired . . . LOL



  106.  #106Dancing Siren on June 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I feel a little annoyed with myself because recently I keep texting S, following him contacting me on the phone… and we will be talking, and I have to go, or he has to go…

    And we come off the phone…

    And then I am thinking about what we have spoken about, and then I think of something I want to say, and I text him.

    I am sure it would be better to wait.

    I don’t know where this sense of urgency has come from.

    Generally I have been leaning back.

    But today for example, we were talking, and he told me something, and I was kind of a bit judgemental cus I felt triggered.

    And then we talked more and I apologised for that.

    And then, I had to go.

    And then I processed to myself. And then I realised I wanted to appreciate him and tell him how good it feels that he chooses to share with me, and that it feels better to be open, even about the difficult stuff.

    So I texted him that. And it was a nice, authentic appreciative message. And I did not think he would reply straight away as he was working.

    And then I text him again and said it felt bad though when he said maybe he shouldn’t have told me, that felt like fear in my chest and disconnect.

    So it just feels like overkill on the text.

    And I suppose it is no big deal, and I just wonder why, even after all my practice and knowing better, I still feel compelled to over text, and overshare sometimes, and I still act on it sometimes!

    Sigh.

    Well. I will forgive myself.

    And STOP.

    And yet I wanted to say that stuff. It felt important to me to share it.



  107.  #107siren song on June 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    FB is funny. i unfriended all of my exes one day a year or so ago and my most recent ex at the time (8 year relationship) FREAKED OUT and demanded that i give him custody of my dog. super-crazy. he totally noticed that i’d defriended him and used my dog as an excuse to get back in touch.

    reminds me of when guy who loves me wouldn’t return my stuff a month or so ago, except in reverse. something to keep the connection, even if they couldn’t give you the relationship you need.



  108.  #108Starla on June 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    maybe it would be better to just unfriend him, and let everyone else do what they want about their fb friendship with me. they will end up choosing “sides,” if you know what i mean.



  109.  #109Starla on June 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    eh, it doesn’t matter what i do, lol. it’s just fb, and i don’t look at their walls, so it’s all good. love to me.



  110.  #110Tam on June 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Starla, why do they have to choose sides if you unfriend him? I have common friends with my ex on fb, it didn’t make any difference whatsoever…
    and I must say not being friends on fb helped a lot..I don’t want to see him flirting with other girls etc. – it is nice not to have to.

    What you can’t see doesn’t trigger you or make you feel bad, in that sense ignorance can be bliss.



  111.  #111siren song on June 21, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    a bunch of my friends sided with guy who loves me after we split for good. not much i can do about that. i feel pretty peaceful about it, actually.



  112.  #112Smile on June 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Siren song I have experienced That too
    A while a go while we were still friend on fb I had to de activate my account, due to my profession it can work against me sometimes. He noticed I had gone off it when we hadn’t been together for a year and used it as an excuse to get back in touch.

    I’m currently living through the- I can’t give you a relationship you deserve but I will keep all my stuff in the house and keep the house key but just not live in the house anymore…

    Your right it’s all about keeping connections



  113.  #113Smile on June 21, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I’m still friends with mutual friends though so he can still show up that way I guess. I’ve only unfriended him the past week and not seen him anywhere though yet



  114.  #114Smile on June 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Its the new girlfriend of my ex that’s the worse in my case actually. I went out with my first ex for 10 years from age 14 so we have loads of mutual secondary school friends, he isn’t on fb. She always comments just after I have. It’s like she wants me to know she is there. She does it al the time. So insecure. I’m not even a threat.



  115.  #115Dancing Siren on June 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Just had a really, really nice convo with him though…

    With him leading every bit.

    And it felt so good.

    Wonder why I find it so hard to let him lead sometimes.

    It helps to envision dropping the relationship ball.



  116.  #116CurvySiren10 on June 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    I am really beginning to see fb as a real nemesis in relationships. It causes all sorts of unnecessary drama for us. Too much accessibility to ex’s and what they are saying and doing. Or not saying and doing. lol

    I am older (51) but extremely tech savvy and definitely on the social media bandwagon. I understand its power especially for business, but I am SO not letting it become a part of my relationship. (I am engaged fyi, for those who care. lol. This just happened in the past 2 weeks. I will share the whole story at some point)

    Anyway, I just felt like sharing my thoughts because this is SO much discussion/angst around Sirens and fb. I would love to discuss it more.



  117.  #117CurvySiren10 on June 21, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    because THERE is, not because this is. oops. 🙂



  118.  #118Dancing Siren on June 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Ummm.

    So it would feel really good to get taken on some proper dates again…

    That hasn’t happened for a while. Lots of other nice stuff has. Like getting dinner cooked for me. Cuddles. Sweet words, little gifts etc.

    And I LOVE getting taken out.

    A few weeks ago he took me to a zoo.

    That was GREAT.

    And it doesn’t even need to be that big.

    But I like the whole feel of a man planning a date for me… taking the time, thinking about what I would like.

    It feels exciting for me to get ready, dress up. The anticipation.

    That feels warm and tingly.

    So how do I communicate all this without leading?

    Where is a good place to start.

    Should I start by dating myself?

    Or share this with him.

    But how?



  119.  #119Gemini on June 21, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Re: letting go….

    I was dating a guy awhile back, year and a half ago, and things just shifted and he wasn’t interested anymore. I kept pressing him, why? WHY? What did I do wrong? Was it this? Was it that? And he put up with my questioning for awhile, and basically he said there was no particular reason, just things changed. That wasn’t enough though, I kept pestering him and contacting him…eventually he started ignoring me….ewww yucky feeling. That made me even more frustrated! WHY?! Ugh.

    Then I was dating a guy this year and I lost interest in him. No particular reason, a few minor things here and there just added up to mehh…no thanks. And he started pestering me, wondering what happened, and I tried to explain nicely, but he kept bugging me. So I started ignoring him. And with each text/message/etc. I just felt more and more irritated and with less desire to ever speak to him again, about anything. Then I thought about all the guys I never even gave chances to, I just ignored them right off the bat…no particular reason, just not feeling it. It was such a great learning lesson for me regarding being rejected…I finally realized it really wasn’t about me or anything I lacked, it just wasn’t the right situation or the right vibe. Next in line, please step forward!



  120.  #120Wonderland on June 21, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    I think I could need some help from all of you amazing women here. And I also want to apologize for my bad English.

    I am in a Long Distance Relationship. Or am I?
    I honestly don’t know anymore. I’m so confused and puzzled that I don’t know what to think anymore. And of course this is a bad sign and makes me feel negative all the way down to my feet. Right now I feel like I have lost all my senses even though I know I’m an intelligent and attractive woman. I have lost all my confidence at this point and it feels like I’m lost in space. It feels unbarable.

    I am from Europe and “the love of my life” lives in the U.S.

    We have been in contact for many years by now. I went to see him for 4 days in 2007. It’s been like a roller coaster after that. He had a few short rebound relationships after that. For about almost 2 years by now he wanted me to visit him again. He told me he loved me. But my trust for him is kind of ruined and he doesn’t seem like he wants to rebuild it again. I did wrong to myself by not saying what I really felt in the beginning. I just put up a nice facade, which I, of course couldn’t hold on to, and from time to time I outburst in frustration in my emails to him. So many times.

    I think you will understand at least some of my situation by reading the rest.

    Today I have finally begin to found out the mystery of how to love myself. Much thanks to Rori Raye. I am doing well. But in all this it feels like I’m still in the Twilight zone missing the last pieces to make me feel truly happy. The man I love in U.S still turns my life, my confidence and soul upside down.

    Maybe my email to him below will be the nail in the coffin but it feels like I have nothing to lose anymore by sending it. At the same time this email scares me so much because it would be like saying goodbye forever. By me. I would control by make the “final cut” instead of letting the faith decide. I would really appreciate all of your advice and help.

    This is my email I want to send to him:

    “In my world there is no man who says he loves a woman and the next moment doesn’t contact her for more than a month. That’s just so far away from honest, beautiful love and my reality of the world. It gives me the worst of bad vibrations. It makes me feel sad and rejected in the most lowest of ways and I really don’t like it or need to feel like that.

    If I am going to visit a man across the Atlantic Ocean, to stay in his home for 9 days… well, then it’s because he wants me to be there. My life is far too valuable to waste on someone being indecisive or dishonest. Life is wonderful but short and full of surprises.

    So, I guess I will cancel my flight to you in September. It feels sad, it wasn’t what I hoped or wished for, but I wouldn’t dream of going to see you as long as we are this disconnected. As a woman I feel very uncomfortable to repeatedly initiate contact with you and I will not do it with you again.

    You’re a special man in so many ways and I wish you the best.”



  121.  #121Sassy on June 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Congrats! Curvy Siren, can’t wait to read the details!!!
    As for FB, although I immediately deleted JT, I can still access him through a mutual friend, and I’ll admit I have once or twice. But he never posts anything on his wall, very rarely writes on anyone else’s wall, just tends to “like” his daughters’ pictures and adds new female friends all the time. So I am deliberately choosing to not look at it.



  122.  #122T-Girl on June 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    I agree that Facebook has no part in relationships and am thankful my guy doesnt Facebook.

    Cant wait to hear the details curvysiren 🙂



  123.  #123Turquoise on June 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    FW, we did talk a lot about what we are both looking for, what we want in a partner, how we feel about sex, what it means to us. I felt we really communicated well and he shares a lot. I didn’t specifically say I expect to be contacted everyday… But when we were talking about what makes us feel loved I said feeling special to someone. Hearing from them, even if it’s just a quick text on a busy day. He replied that I was already special to him. But it’s the trigger that we had sex last weekend, and we spent a lot of time together, and then I didn’t hear from him for 3 days. I know that relationships take time to grow and strengthen and that security will come along with that. It’s just been a really long time since I had a serious relationship and I’m afraid it’s just not going to happen for me. I don’t have any reason to believe he’s not being honest about being busy at work… But the trigger is still there, that doesnt he still think about me and want me to think about him too? I’m starting to feel stressed again. I got a few texts and he told me he missed me, but no requests to see me yet.



  124.  #124Dancing Siren on June 21, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Even though, I LOVE being at his house, even when he is not there, cus it is relaxing and peaceful, whereas my home feels kinda crowded.

    And I have an open invitation to his house.

    I might just stop driving over there for a bit.

    Or maybe I will still go there, if I want to.

    I guess what would feel nice would be to be picked up.

    Yes, that could feel good.

    I would LOVE to have a place of my own again.

    I intend to have a place of my own again.

    I will get there.



  125.  #125April Rose on June 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Curvy Siren,
    Congratulations on your engagement!
    Looking forward to hearing more about it.



  126.  #126LobbyStar on June 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    All the talk earlier in this thread about scammers reminds me of a couple years ago when I was talking to a guy who claimed to be a widowed architect from Australia. Who later went to Nigeria “on business” and needed some money to get back home.

    I was so onto him, so I asked him if he would take me to an Australian restaurant when I came to visit, and I asked him what was an Australian food. He said, “Pizza.”

    I love my life!



  127.  #127Turquoise on June 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    And drama guy is a good distraction. I told him I thought we should be friends. And it keeps my mind of dreamy… But I don’t want to get caught up in all his drama. He’s really going through a lot right now and my personality is to jump in, save them, help and completely wear myself out.



  128.  #128Rori Raye on June 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Wonderland, For me, there’s no such thing as a relationship when you hardly ever see each other. Period. It’s imaginary. Yes, married people are often separated – and that’s a whole other discussion. The military separates lovers – and perhaps that’s another discussion, also. But you can’t start a relationship online, see each other once or twice and call it a relationship. It doesn’t work that way. Your email is wonderful. Love, Rori



  129.  #129Turquoise on June 21, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Congratulations curvy!!!!! Cant wait to hear the news!



  130.  #130Starla on June 21, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Home sweet home:) i’m in for the evening. changing into some of my new sexy jammies, serving myself some rice pudding (yum, a treat i bought for myself on the way home), reading a new book, and maybe cleaning up the house if I feel like it.

    Love to me, forgiveness to me <3

    I had the crazy idea to post on my fb "missing an old friend terribly, but I don't think there's much I can do about it, *sigh*." And then I realized I just might come off creepy. So I guess I won't be doing this.



  131.  #131ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Congratulations, Curvy Siren!!



  132.  #132Starla on June 21, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    ooh congratulations, curvysiren. i’m excited to have a new dad, lol:P



  133.  #133Dancing Siren on June 21, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Congratulations Curvy Siren

    🙂



  134.  #134Starla on June 21, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    I really feel for all broken-hearted women in the world, whether they’re still in relationships or are broken up. Because I am a bright, responsible, attractive young lady, and I still suffer so, even though I take fabulous care of myself that many women don’t have the opportunity to. So I can only imagine how much more other women might be suffering.

    ((((((((((((((women of the world))))))))))))))



  135.  #135Femininewoman on June 21, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Turq I guess you have not discussed exclusivity yet? As part of those terms you should include how many times per week you see each other with a lot of contact in between for it to work for you. I hope you are not ASSUMING sexual exclusivity.



  136.  #136CurvySiren10 on June 21, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    It feels so nice to come back here and read all of the congratulations from all of you. starla, yours made me laugh out loud! 🙂 i will share the details soon. i’ve felt sort of shy about doing that, with so much heartache going on here. i will just say that i’m not sure we’d be here right now if it weren’t for two things. one is our conflict resolution skills and the other is all of the amazing sharing, learning and growing i’ve found here for the past 2 years. 🙂 more soon.



  137.  #137ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Asking how the doctor went today is mothering, isn’t it?



  138.  #138Starla on June 21, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I lit some incense for myself in the name of ‘moving on’. I usually light incense for other people and for some reason never for myself. Love to me. I really do love myself so much I could just cry. Falling more and more in love with myself every day. Can’t remember the last time I said or thought anything very negative about myself.



  139.  #139ReceivingGirl on June 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Starla, that is awesome!



  140.  #140Starla on June 21, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Day 12 NC almost over. And I gotta admit, I did come VERY close to sending that text message I drafted here today. But I stopped myself, because I remembered my commitment to NC and moving on. And I do honor all of my commitments to myself <3. If I am going to break a promise to myself, it's going to be something like skipping a workout for my own relaxation, not throwing myself off my bridge for someone else!



  141.  #141Esteemed on June 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    I want to respond to all of you who wrote me, and I really appreciate you all taking the time to write to me. I feel exhausted and need to get to bed.

    I will be able to afford my meds to stay awake as of tomorrow, thank God! Then my job will go so much better! My house is way backed up with things I need to do but have been too tired to keep up with.

    Good night and I’ll respond asap!



  142.  #142owlette on June 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    a shift is happening.

    i still am having trouble totally letting go of my ex. god, the pain still shows up randomly. sending him an apology for my lashing out helped me feel better about myself. but it hurts still. i think about him more when im trying to focus on building my photography business so i feel like im using this as a distraction to stay in one place. im reading the upper limits book by gay hendricks this weekend to sort through that.

    BUT. but after the really wonderful date last night with a new CD i made a casual walking date with another guy today. i am getting kisses. and i get to compare kisses. and i get to have a lovely time. and now there’s several in a row that i actually have a bit of chemistry with. this feels good.

    i want to be more resilient than this. something about this break up and this guy really is doing a number on me. i know its providing me with many many opportunities to sink into the feelings, but also, i just dont have time to let it hurt me anymore.
    i have to build a business! i have to become financially independent – like thriving. not just getting by.



  143.  #143Jasmine on June 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Rori, you are amazing.



  144.  #144Turquoise on June 21, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    FW, no …. We haven’t had the exclusivity talk. Kinda like lillebee’s guy…. He was just taking up almost all of my free time, and I still wanted to meet drama guy, so j didnt bring up exclusivity. But he told me he wants a long term relationship, not afraid of commitment, how much he liked me and that he wanted us to go for it. I hadn’t planned to have sex with him yet, intended to wait longer, but we got very caught up in the moment and it happened. It was pretty good, not unbelievable… But nice.

    But… I know we need to talk about things. I don’t want to do it through text messages though, or while he is distracted with work. I have plenty to keep me busy this weekend, but hope I see him. I hate this step back thing guys do after sex. Makes it all feel like a game. And I didn’t expect it with this guy!



  145.  #145Starla on June 21, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    I feel excited to put my dating profiles up when this 30 days of NC is over. I feel tempted to do it sooner, but I am not quite done with my inward journey just yet, and I know I will see CF on the sites, so it would essentially “break” NC for me.

    My profile is going to be awesome, though:)

    Tomorrow my goal for the day is going to be focusing on how great my ideal relationship and partner are going to feel. To make him up in my head.

    OOh! and also, I saw a very interesting looking man on the train today, and I felt victorious developing a little crush on someone:)

    Yay, I am going to be okay!



  146.  #146Turquoise on June 21, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Starla, you are doing great!!



  147.  #147CurvySiren10 on June 21, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    starla, you’re going to so much more than okay! i only wish i was where you are now at 27. you are going to do amazing things and have the relationship of your dreams! as tough as this whole cf thing has been for you, you’re blossoming as a result of all of it… it’s a beautiful thing to witness! 🙂



  148.  #148CurvySiren10 on June 21, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    146 starla…ugh! typo day for me… you are going to BE so much more than okay! 🙂



  149.  #149Starla on June 21, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    thank you:)

    I feel bad that you’ve felt it inappropriate to share your good news because so many of us are suffering. I personally love hearing about happy successes:) As long as I get to say how jealous I am (I’m looking at you, Mel)



  150.  #150siren song on June 21, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    yay curvy siren!!!!



  151.  #151Sunshine on June 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Starla im wondering do you like India even just a little? hmmm:)



  152.  #152Starla on June 21, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    India kisses too hard, drinks too much, and is 13 years my senior. Sadly not the guy for me. I so want to be friends with this one, though! We started as friends and I’d like to continue:) I think a lot of his female friends are old dates of his, so this just might actually work out, hehe.



  153.  #153Starla on June 21, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    but yes, i do like him:) I just know he’s not my match.



  154.  #154Starla on June 21, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Hm, it just dawned on me to accept the part of me that hopes CF will come back. Stop fighting it. Live my life as though I’m moving on, and stop disciplining myself mentally for being in love with him. I’m not a total nutter, so over time, this hope will fade if it’s unfounded. I’ve been doing so great, but still kind of a hard-ass on myself, and it would feel good to be gentler and more radically accepting of myself.

    Fighting this part of me that ‘hopes’ is unfortunately pushing me towards seeking more closure, so I can finally kill the hope.

    Awww, yes, I radically and unconditionally accept myself. Even if it’s ‘ridiculous’



  155.  #155Emerson on June 21, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Starla I’m feeling very inspired reading your posts!



  156.  #156Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 1:33 am

    I was out last night at a social gathering and my ex-boyfriend was there. He is very lovely and always makes me feel special. I was so glad to see him and so grateful that he has treated me kindly.

    Yet, I also feel likw what does this say about the other men in my life? The ones that abandon me? The ones that can’t even br bothered to say ‘hi’ or ask how I am.

    A friend of mine has a theory that there are more decent women than men, so the men have learnt that they don’t need to try that hard. I wonder if that is true..?

    I also bumped into other men, men that have asked me out in the past and that I have rejected. I would not dream of cold shouldering them or treating them like they dud not exist??

    I cannot understand these men who ‘abandon’ us for ANY reason.

    So what if we are too needy??

    So what if we are not perfect??

    I still DO NOT think its an excuse NOT to speak to somebody. I feel angry and that these men need to be taught a lesson in how to treat people. It is just plain rude to outright ignore somebody, no matter what reason..

    Grrrrr….. Rant over…



  157.  #157mary on June 22, 2012 at 1:49 am

    Hello Smile,

    Thanks for the breakdown of your speech! I thought it was amazing and clear and decisive! And standing up for who you are as a person. And for what you want! I’m sure there is someone out there who will treat you better! So I’m glad you’re becoming free from this man! (even though breakups are so difficult!)

    I hope tomorrow is a good day for you!

    : )

    Mary



  158.  #158mary on June 22, 2012 at 1:57 am

    hello Allisandra,

    80

    “What is the worst that could happen if I never heard from this man again?”

    wow! that’s interesting! and very helpful!

    thank you!



  159.  #159mary on June 22, 2012 at 2:06 am

    Rebecca,

    i don’t know about all those other guys…

    but i’d love to hear more about how your ex treated you kindly!

    did he smile at you?
    did he comment on how nice you looked?
    how glad was he to see you?
    was he with another woman?

    that he treated you well is really heart-warming! !!

    i love it.



  160.  #160Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Mary ~ thank you for your questions!

    Yes, he smiled! Put his arms round me! Asked me about my job situation, was really concerned about me.

    He wasn’t with anyone as far as I know, but he probably wouldn’t tell me that to spare my feelings – and vise versa.

    It’s hard when you have to be in a social group with your ex, or in my case ex’s. One guy doesn’t speak to me at all – but then we were never that close. This other guy is always the opposite towards me, I get the feeling I reallt pissed him off along the way… Well I am not perfect., hmmm…. I need to forgive myself even if he doesn’t….



  161.  #161Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 3:28 am

    I think I just feel sad because I think this ex still likes me, and it’s tempting to go back to him because I am feeling so lonely, vulnerable and desperate… Lol, what does that say about me?? I just hate being alone.. I want someone to ‘look after’ me… How pathetic is that??



  162.  #162Tam on June 22, 2012 at 4:29 am

    @ Rebecca, listen to this:
    I have been soul searching now for almost five years, why in my early 20’s I had such lovely and considerate boyfriends (2), one even now, 10 years later, is an absolute sweetheart, he is kind and considerate, always stays in (very sporadic contact), and even scanned in 70 odd photographs from our University time, as I lost all my photographs in an unfortunate accident a few years back.
    There is also another German man, whom I went out with briefly 17 years ago, when I was a teenager, and can you believe that even he will always look me up when he sees I am in Germany – he now has a family but we go out for dinner maybe once a year. He always is kind, considerate and asks me how I am doing and if there is anything he can do.
    So like you, I am wondering. If I have been able to attract such high quality men (both now married) when I was younger, what am I doing wrong now, when all I seem to get left, right and centre are non-committal, uncommunicative and flakey men. They are into you one day and treat you like a gf, tell you they ‘only date one girl at a time’ and the next day you see them on a dating website….or they say ‘oh, actually, I’d rather have friends with benefits, wanting a relationship was yesterday’. Or they disappear. I DON’T KNOW!!!!!!! What has changed? I honestly don’t know.
    The only thing I have noticed, and please be gentle with me here, is that on average it is the US guys that are
    a) treating women really well, such as paying for everything and being very polite etc.
    b) they don’t like committing to a woman
    I really have made different experiences with European men, where often things start out on a more friendly basis and the man does not pay for everything, it is much more equal…
    Maybe it is just coincidence, but I never had a European guy flake out on me. And I never had an American guy really deeply commit to me. Just as a side note….but like they say, we should focus on us not on them. I do, however, think dating has changed from what it was about 15 years ago…it’s more like people go shopping for the perfect thing…I don’t know.



  163.  #163Tam on June 22, 2012 at 4:32 am

    I feel American men is too much of a generalisation, let’s say Floridians, where I have the experience from….nowhere else has a guy ever told me that he prefers to have a woman with fake (melon) breasts, and nowhere else have I heard someone tell me that they would ‘consider’ me if I grew my hair.
    Needless to say those guys were out in the first round, but what kind of a mentality is this (University educated men by the way). It’s just, I never heard this kind of bs anywhere else.
    I am sure there are very good men in the States, in fact my cousin is married to one…I just think there is also a lot of superficiality in some places…don’t kill me peeps, it’s my personal experience…



  164.  #164Linda on June 22, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Rebecca

    We must be on the same plain. The things your are writing are thought, conversations, things I feel and think, even say out loud.

    My ex-(husband) is the same with me as what you described here too. It is tempting to go back, but I left because there was no passion and intimacy and I was taken for granted and ignored. He is a good man and is always there for me.

    When I woke up this morning the first thing word that ran thru me brain was REJECTION…. I was so tired of feeling unimportant unwanted in my last relationship. It is amazing to me that a man I broke it off with, after going to all the effort to get back with me, ended it with more of the same REJECTION. It really is mind boggleing to me. It makes me angry and hurts like h*ll.

    The men I like and am attracted to move away and others that I am not interested in move toward me. WHY ? I really dont get that either.

    Linda

    I DONT THINK IT IS PATHETIC to want, desire seek someone to look after us. I am an independant woman but woman indeed, I need a safe, soft, yummy place to land too!



  165.  #165Tam on June 22, 2012 at 4:53 am

    I do believe, after my last experience, that the fear of rejection causes people to reject also.
    When a guy tells me ‘you always reject me’ (in a sexual context) and then he rejects me altogether (in a relationship context), one has to wonder. I don’t think it’s just about having cake and eating it.
    I think a lot of it has to do with control, i e who ‘wins’. If one rejects something, he can’t be rejected….I know that I used to ‘push things’ away when I felt I wasn’t in control. Just because it was a way of feeling back in the controlling seat….but of course we don’t do that consciously.

    I believe a lot of rejection (aside from two people not matching well enough) stems from fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of getting hurt, fear of being controlled….else how do you explain it when the people who reject you turn up time and time again for another chance?



  166.  #166Linda on June 22, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Tam

    I used to have great confidence in myself. It is the rejection I have experienced that has created many issues for me now. I do not have any experience with foreign men only american men. It is like they are shopping. Looking for the perfect scenerio , perfect look. I mean we all have our preferences, I do too. Rejection hurts period.

    I dont know what the answer is. I think the internet is a big contributor to the shopping mentality. It makes us callous, looking thru pictures, judging people on that alone.

    Fear is a big factor I think… The last relationship I was in I cant take responsibility for that failing. I was dealing with a man who did not want it to thrive. He put no effort into it. I did a first, but the type of relatinship I wanted was rejected. He put so little effort into it. and my efforts to improve it, be closer were thwarted. You go to work, eat and go to sleep with the remote in your hand!!…. then tell me that its not all there! (making it my fault??) What kind of relationship can you have with a man who wants no physical intimacy, wants to lay on the couch after work and sleep there with the remote in his hand! OMG the more I type the more I am steaming at my own stupidity for putting up with it as long as I did!

    anyway… good riddence. I just cant get past the rejection. I am an excellent catch.

    Linda



  167.  #167Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Tam remember also that it is human nature to want what you can’t have.



  168.  #168Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 5:43 am

    RE 163 Those are just “excuses”, their way of saying they can’t, don’t want to, not ready to carry the relationship further. Maybe because of the lack of gut level feeling of attraction.



  169.  #169Starla on June 22, 2012 at 5:44 am

    I dreamt of CF last night… and his sister. In my dream I ran into her at a party, and she was telling me that I just need to have sex with CF once a week to have a happy relationship with him and keep him acting nicely to me. Unfortunately, sex was never a big part of the equation because by the time we were starting to have it together, he moved away, and I felt like I couldn’t have a normal sex life with someone I only saw once a week. Then in my dream he stopped by my apartment to say hello, but had to leave for a date with another woman. I was okay with this, but I texted him soon after he left about how we could work things out (leaning forward, invading his space while he’s out with another woman and has no obligation to me).

    I don’t generally read too much into dreams since they’re often just nightmares. But I think the dream means to 1. risk a bit more. happiness does not come from avoiding potential hurt. 2. i’m still not in a place where i could lean back completely and not feel anxious as hell about it. 3. Call him right now (just kidding!!)



  170.  #170Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 5:49 am

    RE 161 Rebecca your vulnerable and desperate parts are not pathetic. I believe it is a normal part of your humanity that needs your loving. It feels bad to see you judging yourself as pathetic. We all do the best we know how in any given moment. Put you hand on your heart and send yourself love and compassion.



  171.  #171Tam on June 22, 2012 at 5:52 am

    116..Starla, number 3..lol…NOOOOOO 😉



  172.  #172Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 5:56 am

    Starla I had a dream about my favorite ex too. He was mcing an event I was at and exuding real masculine confidence. It felt exciting to see him so comfortable with himself. I felt myself tightening up wanting to run away but also feeling pleased about how attracted and turned on I still felt around him. I woke feeling strange that I had dreamt about him but also feeling relaxed that I am choosing not to pine after him.

    I love what you wrote yesterday about loving the part of you that still hopes to reconnect with your ex. I feel peaceful with that part of myself and use it to put him in soft focus. That way he only gets to occupy a small part of my heart.



  173.  #173Starla on June 22, 2012 at 5:58 am

    (Talking to myself)
    It’s okay, Starla. You just miss him. That’s okay, sweet girl. We’ll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking really nice care of us. We’re going to get up out of this bed in a minute and brush our teeth and change into our cute gym clothes and pack for the day. And then we’ll have the pleasure of driving to the gym in our friend’s car and jammin good music all the way there.

    (((((((((starla)))))))))))))



  174.  #174Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 5:59 am

    congrats CurvySiren



  175.  #175Tam on June 22, 2012 at 6:02 am

    FW – regarding 163, yes, but those guys ended up chasing me because I rejected them after hearing they are just after certain looks and not a ‘person’ with all that entails. They practically hunted me down, short-haired and small-breasted as I was.
    How would you explain that? Yes, by wanting what you can’t have – no matter what…odd.

    Linda, rejection hurts, and it really kills our self esteem, I know what I am talking about. Don’t be so harsh on yourself, it will take time for the self confidence to come back but it will. And yes, I do think a lot of dating has become shopping, maybe it always was but it never felt like that many moons ago. I did not feel under a microscope because my body, hair or teeth are not perfect. Now I do. No wonder we are all losing our self esteem if we constantly see perfect people’s images, and men who crave people like that. I think it is very very sad, actually. I don’t want a perfect man, I want one who looks different, not necessarily like a model…one who has real character, also flaws and quirks. I just hear from men left, right an centre that they go for looks….looks, looks, looks.
    It is refreshing to be dating someone who tells me that he loves the way our sparks fly in conversation…



  176.  #176Tam on June 22, 2012 at 6:04 am

    FW – regarding 163, yes, but those guys ended up chasing me because I rejected them after hearing they are just after certain looks and not a ‘person’ with all that entails. They practically hunted me down, short-haired and small-breasted as I was.
    How would you explain that? Yes, by wanting what you can’t have – no matter what…odd.

    Linda, rejection hurts, and it really kills our self esteem, I know what I am talking about. Don’t be so harsh on yourself, it will take time for the self confidence to come back but it will. And yes, I do think a lot of dating has become shopping, maybe it always was but it never felt like that many moons ago. I did not feel under a microscope because my body, hair or teeth are not perfect. Now I do. No wonder we are all losing our self esteem if we constantly see perfect people’s images, and men who crave people like that. I think it is very very sad, actually. I don’t want a perfect man, I want one who looks different, not necessarily like a model…one who has real character, also flaws and quirks. I just hear from men left, right an centre that they go for looks….looks, looks, looks.
    It is refreshing to be dating someone who tells me that he loves the way our sparks fly in conversation…



  177.  #177Starla on June 22, 2012 at 6:06 am

    (NVs) I’m such a loser for not being over him. I’m such a loser for being so in love with someone who doesn’t want me.



  178.  #178ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 6:08 am

    I agree rejection wears you down. In a sense, I’ve always been the one rejecting the man, however, in reality, he rejected me first. I’m just the one who decided to end it. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, ignored, left out, accused of things because of their insecurities, yelled at, things thrown at me, etc. However, if I didn’t choose to leave, I don’t think they would have.

    I’ve dealt with lots of rejection throughout my life. Family, friends, guys, trying out for sports, etc. I feel rejection is never ending. It’s always around the corner when you least expect it. I’m not even sure I have a fear of it anymore. I just expect it. It’s a fact of life. A fact that I don’t like at all.



  179.  #179Tam on June 22, 2012 at 6:08 am

    …Starla….why do you think we are all here? Does that make us all losers now? NO! 🙂



  180.  #180Starla on June 22, 2012 at 6:14 am

    I don’t want to accept the part of me that misses him terribly. I am such a control freak about my mental landscape. And particularly, I don’t want to miss him, because I know that won’t attract him back. I know that when I really move on, he’ll come back (tried and true pattern with every man i’ve ever dated). How lame is that? But I can’t genuinely move on if the motivation to do it is to get him back, haha. That undermines moving on entirely. I’m feeling stuck.



  181.  #181ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 6:20 am

    @175

    I’ve never actually had real insecurities about people badly judging my looks.

    I have personal insecurities about my looks, such as I wish my teeth were straighter and whiter, my nose is a bit crooked, I break out a lot, my hair is flat, etc.

    However, when I am out with other people, I don’t feel insecure.

    People always compliment my looks, my eyes are so blue, my eyelashes must be fake cause they are so long, men seem to like my a$$, my smile, people even think I have straight teeth and say I’m so lucky I never needed to wear braces, women are jealous of my body, etc.

    I know people find me attractive because they tell me so.

    But, I think of myself as just a girl.

    It’s funny how we see ourselves so much different than others see us.

    I have HUGE insecurities people will judge my personality. They won’t like how shy I am. They will think I’m boring. Or what I say. Will they think I am stupid if I say this?

    I WANT people to like me for me.



  182.  #182Starla on June 22, 2012 at 6:29 am

    lol i am kind of desperate. ((((((((((me)))))))))))))
    ok starla, just keep going with your plan to do you. And you still have things you’re neglecting, like keeping your house clean. And this is your opportunity to form new habits so you never lose yourself again.



  183.  #183Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Receiving Girl if you don’t like those things about yourself it is hard for anyone else to do so. They can only reflect back what is coming from you.



  184.  #184Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 8:04 am

    I felt myself feeling resistance and a bit judgmental about this:-

    Peggy – please, please don’t be offended by this – but perhaps you’re gay? Please consider this as a possibility. Google everything you can, find a lesbian community or bar in your neighborhood, and make some friends and see what you feel. If this is true for you – you finally have your answer and a chance at real happiness. Many women don’t discover this until their 40′s! I know of several female celebrities and many women who discovered this about themselves very late in life and then all of a sudden had amazing happy lives and found the loves of their lives, who happened to be women!

    Otherwise, if you discover this is not true for you, it’s totally okay to be the masculine energy in a relationship with a man! Just be open to men who want to keep house, plan parties, make you happy, raise the children, decorate, and let you initiate everything and do only what you want! Love, Rori



  185.  #185ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 8:07 am

    @183, FW, yes, I’m sure they can sense my nervousness.



  186.  #186siren song on June 22, 2012 at 8:07 am

    starla,

    love that part of yourself that WANTS HIM SO BAD. she might just need attention from you. maybe that’s why she’s flaring up so strongly.

    i had a dialogue this morning with the part of me who still wants guy who loves me, even though he doesn’t want to marry me now and is with another woman. it turns out she believes she needs a big, strong man around her all the time. that’s guy who loves me. so i’m trying to figure out ways to make her feel safe and protected without him.



  187.  #187siren song on June 22, 2012 at 8:08 am

    i am still stuck on this idea that guy who loves me is the only guy for me. that’s taking a long time to unlearn. i’m just not attracted to anyone else. at all!



  188.  #188Heart on June 22, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Awesome post!

    Well…I’m over my Imaginary Relationship with Manboy.
    Something just clicked inside me two days ago.
    I realized: This Man Is Not Coming After Me….There is nothing happening here. Nothing.
    Mantra: I am worth being pursued.
    I am internally ‘getting it’ rather than reading just reading the words. If he wanted you…he would be in your life in a real way.

    I still hope a little that maybe he would wake up tomorrow and claim me but it’s all with a grain of salt.
    Also, I’m angry and beating myself up a bit for holding on to ths for so long. Then I’m feeling scared and hopeless I won’t have strong feelings for someone new.



  189.  #189ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 8:14 am

    I was thinking about the last time I talked to Mr. Observant. He had previously asked me if I would help him redecorate his condo when he moves cause he noticed I like to decorate. I said I would. We were talking about it & I asked him what colors he was thinking of. He replied, what do you think? I said, well, what colors do you like? He said, I don’t know. I said, what colors do you find relaxing? He said, ummm, baby blue I guess. I said, the relaxing colors should be used in the bedroom. He said, oh, ok.

    I’m getting the impression he wants me to redecorate it with what I like. I feel this is his space, he’s fresh on his own & it fit his personality and what he likes.

    What do you ladies think about this?



  190.  #190Heart on June 22, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Regardless, I am so grateful to Manboy.
    Thank you Manboy. You were an amazing messenger.
    I learnt so much about myself because of you.
    You brought me here.



  191.  #191Goldenflower on June 22, 2012 at 8:18 am

    180: Starla says:
    I don’t want to accept the part of me that misses him terribly. I am such a control freak about my mental landscape. And particularly, I don’t want to miss him, because I know that won’t attract him back. I know that when I really move on, he’ll come back (tried and true pattern with every man i’ve ever dated). How lame is that? But I can’t genuinely move on if the motivation to do it is to get him back, haha. That undermines moving on entirely. I’m feeling stuck.

    Friday, 22 June 2012 @ 6:14am

    Hi, I’v been in this position a couple of times. The final letting go and moving on is the hardest, because sometimes it feels like you are betraying what you wanted and created with him. Your mind refuses to forget the experience and hopes for more. But sometimes the guy doesnt ever come back, because he in fact was never good enough in the first place. I held onto the hope of someone for a year, and it endangered my health so much I had to just draw a line under it and choose my own sanity over some false idea of a soulmate. It took a while but I gradually saw he was not at all what I wanted or needed, and never could be. I’ve met all kinds of guys since and realised that there are other possibilities in the world. What a releif. the belief in the options we have, the world of men out theree, is what to have faith in. This is the truth, there are billions of men in this world. What are the chances that only one is ideal for you, what are the chances that many are in fact ideal for you right now.
    Thanks for reading. I’m convincing myself here!! (((goldenflower)))



  192.  #192Emoticon on June 22, 2012 at 8:22 am

    One of my CDs has not responded to my text in about 24 hours since I told him I was no longer coming to DC for the weekend. I have a fitting tonight for the clothing line that I am modelling and to rush to DC after that felt too strenuous for me. I didn’t tell him that thats the reason. Also, I was feeling a little iffy about the plans he had for us (my god sister was also coming). He didnt want his friends over any more since we were coming. So he said he would have cancelled his taco party n jus take us somewhere and then jus take me home, sleep over and leave in the morning.

    I didnt want to do that. I wanted to maybe join his taco party (i dont know if we were welcome) and then go partying with my friends and maybe if he wants to, hang out some other time during the weekend. When I told him i wanted to go to the rooftop party with my friends, he said he didnt want to go there with us because he didnt want to wear dress shoes :S ….. yeah so I just said Okay.

    THEN i decided it just felt like too much to come to DC so i told him I didnt feel like coming anymore. I felt bad for disappointing both him and my best friend, but now my best friend is coming HERE to see me so it doesnt really matter. HE just hasnt responded to my message and who knows why….. hmph.



  193.  #193ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 8:39 am

    @192 Emoticon

    He may just not know what to say. He was probably looking forward to your visit and is now feeling a little disappointed. I’m sure he will respond.



  194.  #194ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 8:40 am

    EngineerCD is emailing me today. He was on vacation this week and just got back to the office. He has a sarcasticness to him, mostly funny, but I have a feeling he can come off as cutting sometimes. I haven’t experienced it with him, but I do think it’s there.



  195.  #195Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 8:40 am

    This is my thought towards exs

    “I want to thank you for helping me to realize that I can still feel like a very sexual and sensual woman. I am setting you and myself free”



  196.  #196Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Reminds me of Mel’s SexySarcastic



  197.  #197Emoticon on June 22, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Thank you RG…. i jus feel really distanced by his lack of response. It feels almost like a ….”ure not coming? okay F*ck u”



  198.  #198ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 8:43 am

    It’s funny because this topic of conversation has come up with my brother while I was visiting and with a group of my friends after I got home. How do we not turn into our parents?

    None of us want to, yet we know that we do. We can catch ourselves doing or saying things that our parents would. We hate ourselves when we notice because it’s usually the things that annoy us most about our parents. We don’t want to become them!

    So, how do you prevent it? How do you stop yourself from evolving into them?

    These were the questions everyone was asking. Any thoughts?

    I feel if we are mindful, we can stop ourselves before we do or say those things. What do you think?



  199.  #199ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 8:46 am

    @197 Emoticon

    He may very well be like how you feel, but I’m sure it’s his disappointment. He may even be upset. It’s ok, he’s allowed. I do think he will respond eventually though.



  200.  #200Starla on June 22, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Thank you, goldenflower. it’s so weird how yesterday (and many days before) i thought he was no good for me. Today I am planning what I’ll say to him in 6 months when I reach out to him. lol



  201.  #201Emoticon on June 22, 2012 at 8:50 am

    RG thank you….. i understand…. im jus 🙁 about it



  202.  #202Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 8:53 am

    RG I learned through Margaret Lynch while doing some EFT tapping that there is a part of us that made a vow to never be like our parents. But at the same time we kinda unconsciously make a vow to be like them. I can’t remember right now exactly how she puts it. It is like the vow against them creates an internal resistance that keeps us stuck.



  203.  #203Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 8:57 am

    I am drinking Harmless Harvest coconut water for the first timne. It tastes great. A friend got it in Whole Foods for me.



  204.  #204Ella on June 22, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Hello Sirens,

    Wishing you a warm and lovely day.

    xoxox



  205.  #205Goldenflower on June 22, 2012 at 9:04 am

    200: Starla
    Yes, the back and forward thing I did too, with my own boundaries of what I would and wouldnt do, kept changing as I grieved. The boundaries we create for ourselves in order to feel Ok with moving forward. I think its actually Ok to change what you need for you, because its just part of healing stages maybe.
    I actually found the best way to move on is to as Rori says do the “out the window” tool, as often as you can. Moving the focus off him and onto anything else at all, which in ANY way interests you. CD would certainly be one way forward. Of course you know all of this, I’m just a beginner here. But its so healing to have people who are expressing these feelings. It is inspiring how people can CD and I hope to improve myself through this process, to help become my best self.
    With my heartbreaker gradually the pain numbed and I had so many experiences not involving him that I had moved on without completely noticing it. I could look forward and even be in the moment. My god, I’ve just realsied I’v been starting to do the same things to get over my latest partner (much less intense situation). Because i’v gone through rejection in the worst way before it means I know I will be Ok, all on my own. That probably why after only 3 weeks I am feeling almost over him. this is progress. Going out tonight as a siren. I live in Scotland, so seem to post when you’re all waking up. Blessings to all Sirens for this coming weekend. xx



  206.  #206Emoticon on June 22, 2012 at 9:05 am

    FW…. thanks for sharing that. i find it so hard to find coconut water in America that tastes real.



  207.  #207boasgirl on June 22, 2012 at 9:31 am

    unfortunately i can really relate to this post too. I have also, like Calypso, been on both sides of this, and neither feels good.

    tonight i feel really frustrated – it’s been so long since i’ve just felt the arms of a man around me …

    i feel lonely and sad … and hopeful that things can change, buti don’t know how

    i feel tired of meting men i don’t feel atracted to, and the onesi feel atracted to seem unavailable

    crap-posting-emptying my garbage

    ((((me))))



  208.  #208Starla on June 22, 2012 at 9:37 am

    205, goldenflower, i feel so loved that you are commenting to me. thank you, sweetheart. have fun going out tonight.

    I am the QUEEN of out the window right now. And I’m going to get even better about it. I’m determined to keep a clean, sireny house, so this should be excellent distraction. And I have some interesting goals planned for myself beyond the mundane stuff.

    When my month of NC is up, I am going to force myself to start going on coffee dates with guys. I’ll put up a POF profile and go for it. The reason I’m waiting a month is because I will see CF on the site. And part of NC is not looking at his online profiles.

    And maybe, if it makes me feel better, I can tell myself that if in 6 months or something I still am not over him, I can contact him then. It would involve coming to terms with ‘settling’ for some of the things that came to be problems in our relationship, and accepting them fully.

    It sure looks to me, though, like I am just grasping for a sense of control anywhere I can find it. Whether it’s saying NC, or saying it’s okay to contact him in 6 months, etc. It is good to learn this about myself right now!



  209.  #209Starla on June 22, 2012 at 9:54 am

    (((((((boasgirl)))))))



  210.  #210ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:07 am

    @202 FW

    I guess law of attraction, our vow against it is actually bringing it too us. 🙂



  211.  #211Rori Raye on June 22, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Hi – I know I recommended Susie Collins for jealousy and if your man is looking around at other women and it bothers you – here’s the link from my friend Steve Warwick’s site:

    http://www.LoveRomanceRelationship.com/go/endjealousy/

    Love, Rori



  212.  #212ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:12 am

    (((Sirens)))

    It’s quiet on the blog today. It’s quiet at work today too.



  213.  #213boasgirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Thank you, Starla 🙂 🙂

    chatting with guys now – one wants to meet me for a drink, but somehow it feels really tireding …

    is it normal? i guess i feel we don’t have much in common, and i will be wasting time and energy … but i do feel like meeting someone –

    feeling a strong wish to change my life, on so many levels

    (((starla)))

    (((sirens)))

    (((guys)))

    (((me)))



  214.  #214boasgirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:29 am

    (((Rori)))

    (((Receiving girl)))

    yes, it’s quiet here today –

    i feel good being logged on, though.



  215.  #215Tam on June 22, 2012 at 10:47 am

    207:
    ‘i feel tired of meting men i don’t feel atracted to, and the onesi feel atracted to seem unavailable’

    I seeem to have the same problem, and many other ladies on here….and I would like to shed some light on this….is it really just us? Why is it so easy to find a good man to whom one is not at all attracted to…I have a theory that some less attractive men have developed a great character to make up for not being attractive – I know, very controversial, please don’t kill me….BUT the men that have been amazing in my past are not considered by anyone, my friends or me as attractive (I saw something lovely in them, of course)….sometimes people told me when we had split up ‘well, I thought you could do better’ – when in fact those were the better guys…

    And the ones that were aloof and had me chasing them (not anymore) were attractive and considered to be so by many other women…
    So surely it has something to do with that…I am all for giving someone a chance, even if I am not attracted to their looks, as long as I don’t flinch when they try to kiss me….

    Sometimes I don’t think I can have it all, i e someone whom I am very much attracted to and who treats me nicely. It just hasn’t ever happened for me so why should it now?



  216.  #216ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:50 am

    I’m reading a book about relationships with bipolar people. It states that the divorce rate is 90% for marriages where one person is bipolar. I feel sad to read that.

    I’m sure part of the reason is many people are not aware they are bipolar. I could see lack of knowledge playing a huge factor in this statistic. I’m sure even with knowledge, there are many people who just can’t or don’t want to deal with the ups and downs.

    ((((Bipolar marriages))))

    ((((bipolar people))))



  217.  #217ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:51 am

    (((boasgirl)))



  218.  #218Tam on June 22, 2012 at 10:52 am

    …..and the most attractive man I ever dated, well he had been a model and was very convinced of himself and extremely confident….he was a total disaster between the sheets, totally clueless….worst sex ever. EVER!!!! I mean you wouldn’t believe it even, if I told you. He was just out for himself..and it was awful…and in the end he was super proud of himself. Yikes.
    He was the worst kisser ever too and he said proudly ‘so many girls told me I am a good kisser’…I did not say anything….and wondered what that was all about.
    Is it a case of they don’t even try to please us because they are used to being admired and being pleased? Very odd….very, very odd.



  219.  #219Calypso on June 22, 2012 at 10:53 am

    So – I was supposed to have dinner with a new POF guy last night, but he did not show up! Thatw as a new experience for me – Wow!

    we had not exchanged phone numbers yet and he lives in another town, so maybe he had an issue, but he did not reach out to me on POF last night or today – Hmmmm….

    I can see that he has not been on POF since we made the date. I am not going to assume anything bad.

    I sent him an email letting him know that I had been there and I made a joke about having to leave after a while for fear of someone calling the cops on the “h00ker” who kept walking the floor making eye contact with every man in the place . . . Lol.

    I was actually very relieved. Not really in the mood right now anyway. I’m so freaking glad I cancelled my plans with RL this weekend – I can’t wait for some “ME” time!

    Friday is my 2nd favorite “F” word . . . lol



  220.  #220ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:55 am

    @215 Tam

    It’s seems the men who have women chasing them, know they will always be able to have women, so they don’t feel the need to try. But, there’s also the men who don’t always have women who feel discouraged and don’t try. I guess it’s the one’s in the middle that we need to find? One extreme or the other is not good for their own reasons.



  221.  #221ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:57 am

    @218 Calypso

    Sorry, you had to sit waiting for no one to show. That’s not a nice feeling. My first bf ever showed up 1 hour late to pick me up. I should have told him sorry, but I was naive and went out with him anyways.

    I’m looking forward to an R&R weekend myself! 🙂



  222.  #222boasgirl on June 22, 2012 at 10:58 am

    (((Tam)))

    i guess you have a point, unfortunately, and i agree with you –

    and now i sort of half ways said yes tomeeting up with this guy from online dating tonight … one of those i don’t feel very excited about meeting, and …

    uh, but maybe it will be good for me? break some patterns –

    and than you, receivng girl 🙂 🙂



  223.  #223boasgirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:02 am

    calypso, sounds bad – but you’re handling it well.

    and you’re lucky who wants ME-time – i love it when i’min themood for me 🙂

    tonight (it’s evening here in norway) i am feeling restless … but maybe a date 🙂



  224.  #224Tam on June 22, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Ok, so we narrowed it down to the man in the middle, who is semi-attractive and super good. Ok, let’s see where he lurks…. 😉



  225.  #225Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Calypso I know you are not thrilled about dating right now but for future move these plans away fro emailing. You don’t even know if he is half way around the world that way. Though the phone does not guarantee anything at least when they call it show that the person is willing to move to second base. Maybe you were the one unwilling to share the phone number and that alone could tell you somnething about yourself and the blocks you are putting up against intimacy.



  226.  #226Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Hmmm… It’s a strange phenomenan.. If we see someone as attractive then it follows that they ‘must’ be attractive…

    But…

    I have a couple of male ‘friends’ who I’ve known for years but never felt that attraction too. Anyway, to cut a long story short I have ‘intoduced’ them to a few single females ( imo far more attracrive than me)

    Anyway, these said females, find these male friends of mine very attractive and can’t understand why I don’t.

    To cut a long story even shorter they have subsequently ‘got together’.

    So… Hmmm…



  227.  #227Calypso on June 22, 2012 at 11:16 am

    FW – We met online and that is just how we communicated – through POF email. He did not ask for my number and a lot of times guys don’t before the first meeting in person, which works fine as long as they actually show up . . .

    I’m free with my phone number. I don’t mind texting instead of emailing and I’m fine with phone calls too as long as they are not constant or last way longer than I want to talk – some guys just want to talk all night long and I’m not much for that.

    I’m just going to assume something unavoidable happened and if he wants to try again, he will need to get my number so he can let me know if he can’t make it.



  228.  #228Tam on June 22, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Interestingly, MrU is very attractive too even though he is aging. I now remember that when he started chasing me two years ago, I thought ‘why would a man like that go for me, when he could have anyone’…and I resisted his advanced for ages. But my initial gut feeling was right, he never really did want me, I was just to play with. I don’t know why I am surprised when I kind knew?!



  229.  #229boasgirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:20 am

    tonight i feellikeloving the little girl whobeleives she has to chase a man

    (((little girl)))

    and loving the bigger part of me that picks me up and takes me home when i have gone to far

    (((bigger part)))

    and all the rest 🙂

    it feels so good tobe here and share with you sirens

    and i feel so inspired by you

    (((semi-attractive men)))

    🙂



  230.  #230ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I think the universe brought Mr. Observant into my life to heal my control issues.



  231.  #231ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:24 am

    @227 Tam

    Same for me with BoatGuy. I turned him down for many years. I knew better.



  232.  #232ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:27 am

    I think I’ll probably be seeing BoatGuy for the first time a week from tomorrow. He was invited to a party that I’m going to. He’s a 50/50 kind of guy as to whether or not he will actually show. I had a dream about him being there.



  233.  #233Tam on June 22, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Our intuition is pretty strong….usually regret going against it… a lesson there maybe….
    (((receiving girl)))
    (((boasgirl)))



  234.  #234Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy…

    I have told countless single women and men who have confided in me how lonely they are, that getting married will not fix “x, y and z” (name your own issue). I am not saying that finding someone wonderful isn’t; well, wonderful. It is. However, as you get to know a person, the intensity will eventually begin to fade. Think of this principle like you would think of your favorite food. Some days you crave it – other days you don’t.

    When a woman (or a man) believes that a relationship can achieve more that it is actually capable of achieving, she is setting the stage for a huge disappointment. No man can make an unhappy woman happy, or make a lonely woman feel complete, and visa versa.

    Initially, during the first few weeks or months of a relationship this can be accomplished, but as the weeks and months turn into years, whatever insecurities the individual has will come to the surface. As a therapist, I guarantee you that this is true. A woman can make it easy for a man to make her happy by taking care of herself.

    The reverse is also true. Whenever a woman takes responsibility for her own happiness, as opposed to relying on a man to make her complete, it is surprising to see how much more motivated a man is to please her.

    Bob Grant



  235.  #235Tam on June 22, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Oh, you’ll have to lt us know what happens with boatguy… 😉



  236.  #236Calypso on June 22, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Raison cookies that look like Chocolate Chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues . . . LOL



  237.  #237Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Calypso I wouldn’t assume anything. There are scammers on the site. I experienced sonething similar the first time I was on it but the guy gave me a number that went to a voicemail. He claimed afterward that the phone was not working. After that I feel suspicious of guys who don’t want to call.

    I say after a few email rounds tell them you get bored with writing emails or that you are not looking for a penpals and that it would feel good to hear his voice or talk to him on the phone.



  238.  #238ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:38 am

    @232 Tam

    Yes, I keep telling myself that! ;P Next time, I need to listen.



  239.  #239Tam on June 22, 2012 at 11:38 am

    FW – excellent post and very true!!!
    Relationships add to your life but should not be everything.



  240.  #240ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:40 am

    @235 Calypso

    LOL that is good!

    My trust issues developed when my parents made me a promise (which they never intended on keeping) at age 6, where they promised me they would get me a dog when the furniture got old. I asked them how long it would be and they said 10 years. On my 16th birthday, I said, Ok, we can get a dog now! They never expected me to remember and I never got a dog.



  241.  #241Calypso on June 22, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I guess it would be ok to make sure we exchange phone numbers before we try a date. I just felt like it would be leaning forward to suggest it when the guy doesn’t, but not up to wasting my time either.

    Learning . . .



  242.  #242ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:42 am

    @233 FW

    Thanks for sharing! 🙂



  243.  #243Calypso on June 22, 2012 at 11:43 am

    RG – That is so sad!!! I have 5 dogs . . . and a cat and 5 foster kittens and if I had more space and less neighbors, I would have more animals!



  244.  #244Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I move to the phone convo as soon as possible. I even tell the person what I will be wearing to inspure them to tell me what they will be wearing. Sometimes I get to share how I look in my eyes, like describe how I think about my hair and my skin. This is part of my process to teach my psyche to be “comfortable in my own skin”. And a way of loving myself.



  245.  #245ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:45 am

    @234 Tam

    I will!



  246.  #246Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 11:46 am


  247.  #247ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:47 am

    @242 Calypso

    I’ve always been an animal lover too. I’ve been wanting to get a dog, but with my neighbors dogs running wild all the time, I would like a fence first and I can’t afford that right now.



  248.  #248boasgirl on June 22, 2012 at 11:48 am

    yes, going against intuitionis usually a bummer … i did it today, actually, chasing mr. M – a big ex-man in my life … but i have decided to forgive myself and learn from my mistake –

    and move on –

    use it as an opportunity to change my life –

    cause really, it’s not about him, it’s about me-

    have accepted a date now – wish me luck 🙂

    (((all of us)))



  249.  #249Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Now then, they can’t be “taught” or “given permission” by a woman to be fully masculine and adult. That defeats the ancient purpose of “initiation rituals,” where the SOCIETY itself would grant that permission in a ceremony. As a result, they are waiting and waiting to be “made men” by society, and society isn’t saying anything.

    Best approach is to encourage them to spend far more time with other men, in sports (because of the male team to be surrounded by), and given space to honestly and instinctually respond to life. You can also ask them what kind of man they would like to be, or are meant to be in their view.

    And they’ll tell you.

    Oh also, never tell them “be a man,” or even “be the man.” What they need to hear is, “you’re MY man” if it’s a romance you’re in.

    http://www.womenshappiness.com/forum/nice-guy-syndrome-t2561.html



  250.  #250Starla on June 22, 2012 at 11:51 am

    good luck, boasgirl:)



  251.  #251Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    A woman who is confident enough to show her feelings is a real turn on for a man. A woman who is assertive, who doesn’t care what the world thinks of her, and who stays true to her feelings regardless of a possible outcome is a rare find, and men know that on a subconscious level.
    The only time when you probably should avoid telling him you love him is when he’s never said it to you before. Wait for him to tell you he loves you first, and once you have the green light, open up about your own feelings.
    A man who truly loves you will be turned on by your expression of love. The one who doesn’t love you, or the one who’s sitting on a fence can respond with a simple Thank You. If your man says that, then you know, he isn’t as into you as you are into him. But what do you have to lose?

    http://commitment-relationship.com/should-you-tell-him-you-love-him/



  252.  #252Femininewoman on June 22, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Good luck boasgirl. Is it with exman?



  253.  #253ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Good luck, boasgirl! 🙂



  254.  #254Calypso on June 22, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I did tell him what I would be driving and thought he might respond with some detail of his own, but he never got back on POF after we first agreed to meet for dinner, so he did not see that email – it is still unread.

    I drive a brand new bright red Camaro, which makes me feel very much like a siren . . .



  255.  #255ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    There is one of those quote pictures on FB,

    “Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best.”



  256.  #256Calypso on June 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    RG – I’m very fortunate to live where i do. I have 1 1/2 acers in the country with a really huge creek (Looks more like a river) right on fromt of my home. It is perfect for the dogs. they swim all day and chase deer all evening ~ No fense . . . I never want to go back to needing a fence. If I move again, I want it to be deeper into the country.



  257.  #257ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    @255 Calypso

    Sounds lovely & serene.

    I live near the river (walking distance) and I am on about 3/4 acre. Some people would call it country, but it’s not really country. If I didn’t have my neighbors dog running around the neighborhood to impregnate herself ALL the time, I wouldn’t get a fence. Dogs can be trained to stay within their yards. I would like her to stay out of mine. My yard is also her permanent bathroom.



  258.  #258Tam on June 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    OMG ladies, a disappearance act man has just tried to contact me, after 6 months silence. What does he want now? Should I reply? He always said I should find a direction in my life (tried to convince me to become Buddhist) but I rejected him (sexually), again because he was also looking for a soul mateand friends with benefits but did not want to split up with his gf.
    Ladies what should I do??? He was a very good friend….and said just this sentence
    ‘what is happening to you’
    Which I almost see as criticism, as if he is still saying I am directionless and it’s not what I am doing but what is ‘happening’ to me.
    He is extremely intelligent…so it is adig, why does he reach out? Wow, never thought I’d hear from him…..what to do???



  259.  #259ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    @257 Tam

    Do you want him as a friend? You said he was a good friend.



  260.  #260turquoise on June 22, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    C emailed me today to let me know he recently met someone and is dating her. It stung, I can’t lie…. but he said he hoped I could be happy for him and that he’d be the same for me when I find someone…. and even though my eyes teared up… at the finality of it now… I do want him to be happy. I replied back that I was happy for him, I’m also dating and that it feels like time for us both to find some happiness. SO, I keep saying this is my year for big changes, and to finally let that go, is going to be huge for me. I’m sure it’s held me back from other potential relationships.

    I haven’t heard much more from dreamy, but I do know he has an extremely time consuming job and is very dedicated to it. I like that a lot about him. So, hoping to see him this weekend, but have a lot of options to keep me busy, so not sitting around moping.

    I feel sad and relieved about C, all at the same time. Like it’s finally over. The house is just a house, he’s good to me and I receive that…. but there is no future us to consider. Nothing to fall back on as good enough or better than nothing. I deserve more than that.



  261.  #261Dominique on June 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Tam – #215 – “It just hasn’t ever happened for me so why should it now?” – Why not you? Why not now? A great guy who may not initially ring your bells, can over time set you heart to racing. It happened to me.
    So why not you?



  262.  #262Tam on June 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    RG, i have no idea, I am in a bit of shock..hm. He is incredible, very intelligent and sweet (and not very attractive, ha, mediocre). He can soothe me but he can sting me too, so I have no idea. I don’t even know why he showed up now….insane!!!



  263.  #263Tam on June 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Thanks for spreading hope Dominique 🙂



  264.  #264ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Tam, I would think about it and decide if you want him in your life before you respond. It would definitely change what kind of response you would send.



  265.  #265Tam on June 22, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    RG thank you. I feel a little scared and surprised about this.



  266.  #266CurvySiren10 on June 22, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Turquoise, your attitude is amazing. I just love the way you look at this even though I know there is some amount of pain with C moving on this way. But you are too. I really hope to keep hearing good news about dreamy from you. 🙂



  267.  #267Starla on June 22, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    ((((((((((((Turquoise))))))))))

    love ya lady



  268.  #268Turquoise on June 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Thanks Curvy. I really do wish things had turned out differently, and I’ve shed some tears since getting home from work…. But it feels good to know I wont be grieving for this relationship any more. And that feels freeing.



  269.  #269Starla on June 22, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I just learned that tomorrow is my best friend’s husband’s birthday/our mutual friend’s graduation party at the lake. It’s going to be 100 degrees tomorrow so there’s nothing better than being at the lake:D I am going to buy myself a floppy hat and put on a fun rainbow dress and bikini underneath and glamorous sunglasses and CD the h*ll out of that party. It’s basically going to be a bunch of fine men (who are unfortunately all gangsters that I’m not gonna wanna be serious with, but fun to flirt with). I feel so excited! This will really help take my mind off of things.

    And, my best friend was all concerned about there being no food at the party, just a bunch of gangsters drinking alcohol on an empty stomach, so I asked her if I could bring a cake. I used to shy away from doing things like this, but I recently read a book proposing a more aggressive approach to initial attraction, saying that if you are going to a birthday party where you won’t know very many people, to bring the cake because it forces everyone to come see you when you’re slicing/serving it, and people will be thanking you for it for the rest of the party. And if any man needs an excuse to talk to you, he’ll come tell you how nice it is that you brought the cake.



  270.  #270Turquoise on June 22, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Thanks Starla 🙂



  271.  #271Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Tam ~ hmmm… If he has a girlfriend I would steer clear as he obviously got the balls to leave her. I would suggest progress cautiously.. I know these men can be tempting to get involved with but be careful is my advice..



  272.  #272Tam on June 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Rebecca – absolutely. Agreed.
    He likes to see himself as my spiritual and psychological adviser, which he was, but I do not want to overstep the line again. I do not want him as a lover or boyfriend anymore, too much has happened. I tread cautiously :/
    Thank you 🙂



  273.  #273Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Tam ~ I’m thinking..

    ‘He likes to see himself as my spiritual and psychological adviser…’

    ….and a bit more no doubt… !! 🙂



  274.  #274ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    (((Turquoise)))

    Starla – sounds like a fun party. I tend to bring a dish to a lot of parties I attend. People do talk to you regarding the food (especially if it’s yummy)!!



  275.  #275ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    I’m really tired today and I really want to order a pizza for dinner. I just don’t have the energy to make something. Hmmm

    I’m going to spend the evening relaxing with a book and bed early. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be more energetic and can do some organizing in my basement. I desperately need to declutter and feel organized. I feel stressed when I have clutter and don’t know where anything is at.



  276.  #276Tam on June 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Rebecca…lol…no doubt!!! 😉



  277.  #277ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    I was telling EngineerCD about a letter I was writing to send to all of them regarding something new. It was nearing 2 pages and I said, I’ve read that men don’t like a lot of information thrown at them all at once and being this is a male industry, I don’t think anyone will read my letter.

    He replied that yes, men don’t like to be thrown a lot of information at them at once, but these are engineers and they won’t read it anyways, they like to figure things out on their own.

    So there you go ladies, a man just confirmed that too much information at once is not good. 🙂



  278.  #278Starla on June 22, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I’m just going to get the cake from the bakery. But it will have a funny message written on it:) I suspect it will be a hit.

    I feel excited. This is perfect timing for something to do besides just focus on myself, and to interact with some men that I won’t want to get serious with. Thanks, universe.



  279.  #279Owlette on June 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Im sitting in the airport on a delay: on my way to San Francisco where my favorite wedding photography team is. I sent them an email a few weeks ago asking if I could help them shoot and they said yes. I quit my temp job and now I have a flight and a hotel and a paid dream experience that I made happen.

    I even scheduled a date tonight from my dating site in sf. And while I was sitting here the super cute cd I met this week offered to meet up with me at the airport for coffee.

    What ex boyfriend.



  280.  #280Starla on June 22, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    owlette, you are a rock star:)



  281.  #281Ella on June 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Urghhh, My website is down and I have no idea why!

    But I feel much too tired to try and sort it out now!



  282.  #282Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Owlette ~ I am super, super impressed! Enjoy!!



  283.  #283Owlette on June 22, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Starla all of your self love posts are so so inspiring and everyones beautiful advice for your situation is so helpful for me too.They’re keeping me strong.



  284.  #284Turquoise on June 22, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Thanks RG:) your relaxing evening sounds wonderful, but I am heading out. I need to be social and see people and not have an endless amount of time to feel sorry for myself or lonely.
    I like the post someone shared from fb…. Don’t obsess or think too much, have faith that everything will be ok. 😉

    When dreamy and I were at the movies last Saturday, we were snuggled up, staring into each others eyes, and I could feel the magic. I’m going to think about that, and tell myself that story. I feel very comfortable and connected with him. Even if he’s not the onf for me…. That feeling is. I want that.



  285.  #285Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Sirens ~ don’t you think that sometimes with your own situation you can’t see the wood for the trees…

    I mean did God design us to be so niave with these men?? Sometimes I look at my situation and I wonder why I am falling for these men, when I know they are going to bring me nothing but trouble…

    Am I interested in his conversation… No.

    Do I think he is a good friend…. No.

    Does he show an interest in me?… No.

    So why do I like him??

    Why do I loose ALL sense of judgement, that I would have in every normal, everyday situation?? Why do these men get under my skin??

    It’s a puzzle that I will never solve….



  286.  #286Turquoise on June 22, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Taking the girls and heading to my hometown’s Greek food festival. I’m excited. It’s tradition, we’ll see people we know, lots of friends, I’m glad we are going, and that it’s this weekend.

    I just realized something weird… When C got engaged 3 years ago, it was this same weekend. Our anniversary was just 2 days ago…. Isn’t that strange?

    Hmmm… Doesn’t matter, just something odd. Ok, off to make myself pretty and go get a gyro and some honey balls 🙂 we’ll get there after the rush, so lines won’t be so bad. 🙂



  287.  #287Dancing Siren on June 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    I am feeling very, very tired this evening.

    I was supposed to be going over to ‘S’s house after I finished work, we spoke about it yesterday.

    And yesterday and today I have been SOOO immersed in what *I* have been doing that I forgot to even notice whether S had called me or not.

    In fact he did call earlier in the day, but I was busy doing stuff and didn’t have the time to pick up the phone, plus I was not in a situation where I could melt.

    So I missed the call. There was no message asking for a call back or anything and I did not hear anything else.

    So tonight when I finished work I sent a text to ask whether I should still go to his house.

    He was working, probably busy period, and I did not hear anything back.

    I probably could have gone to his house… he did invite me and I said I would go tonight… But, I feel weird going to his when he is not there. And I have not heard back.

    So I touched in with myself, about what *I* REALLY wanted to do… ie: if I wanted to go there, and felt comfortable to do so I would…

    And I realised I felt tired.

    And I did not like the thought of driving over to his and sitting waiting for him tonight.

    So I decided to stay home and eat some good food, read my book and get an early night.



  288.  #288Turquoise on June 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Rebecca, it makes me wonder what is wrong with me that I can’t get past a few months with any of these guys. Lots of women go from one long term relationship to the next, but mine don’t stick. I think I’m a nice person, easy to talk to, friendly, attractive, affectionate…. But after a few weeks or months, they just disappear. Can’t be all them, must be me too.



  289.  #289Starla on June 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Turquoise, gyro and loukamathes sounds amazing. I look forward to our greek fest all year. OPA! Have fun pretty lady:)



  290.  #290Dancing Siren on June 22, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I had been thinking about how it would feel good to be collected for dates again.

    And I would have held out for this tonight… except I needed my car in the morning, and it would have felt better to have my car there, to me…

    And that is all obselete now anyway as I decided not to go this time.

    We are talking on IM now and I am feeling a lil triggered… Nervous, and a little antsy about pleasing myself and not a man.

    But its all good.

    Soothing myself.



  291.  #291Dancing Siren on June 22, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Feeling a little bit of tension through my shoulders.

    Loving this taking care of myself and my own needs though!!

    STILL haven’t done my nails… I’ve been meaning to paint them for about a week!

    Lol.



  292.  #292Tam on June 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    287 Turquise, I don’t know and it is the same for me. BUT I have had very long term relationships with good men..so have I changed, or has the world changed? Have the men changed?
    I also seem unable to get further than a few months with anybody…probably for the last 5 years..but then they do have a habit of coming back and being just as ambivalent…so these are just the wrong guys because that’s just what they are – ambivalent. Not just with me, but generally, and sometimes even when it comes to their jobs/family life.
    I intend to dig a lot deeper now, and not get into anything serious too fast…



  293.  #293Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Turquois ~ I don’t think either of us are doing anything ‘wrong’. We just are the way we are.. Wear our hearts on our sleeves, vulnerable and maybe slightly sensitive… But that is the way I am and even if I wanted to I couldn’t change..

    I am thr sort of girl who ‘gushes’ around men. I know I make it completely ‘obvious’ if I like somebody. I wish to high heaven I could hide it. I am like a little girl in that sense…



  294.  #294Starla on June 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I found this on a quote of a quote of supposedly Baggage Reclaim about people who suddenly break up and go silent treatment:

    “Many people who end relationships this way very likely suffered from emotional neglect as a child and never emotionally matured into an adult. It’s like dating someone with the mind of a 5 year old child. They have the body and mental capacity of an adult but the emotional level of a child. They were emotionally neglected by their parents and never learned how to mature. Imagine a little girl playing with a toy. She throws it down for the new toy and never looks back, without any thought or compassion for the old toy. Would you expect a five year old to sit down and rationally discuss a relationship? Of course not. They are not capable and nether is your ex. They typically can not handle any type of responsibility and go through life attaching and detaching to people, never being able to truly maintain a functional long lasting mature relationship. When they hurt people, they can’t even comprehend what they have done. Does a child feel bad when they say, “I hate you?” It’s a psyche that normal functioning people can’t even understand. Many go from job to job never being able to keep one for any long period of time. Drug and alcohol abuse or other such issues are common.

    The sudden dumping usually occurs when some dynamic within the realtionship changes. (getting married, moving in together, being confronted about the drugs or alcohol, demanding they find a job, making a committment, etc). They run scared because their partner has asked them to grow up and it terrifies them because they never learned how to grow up. So they sabotage the relationship. They close the door on you and never look back. And cruelly leave you without any answers. When someone treats you like this, it is some of the worst pain and suffering a human being can ever experience. And you have done nothing to deserve this and remember, it has nothing to do with you. Their problems are completely independent of you. Sadly, they will repeat this pattern throughout their life and never achieve true happiness with anyone. The person after you is not gonna get a better deal, trust me! You are better off without this person in your life and being a mature adult, you will be able to heal from your pain and go on and find true happiness with.”



  295.  #295Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Hmmm…

    I’m feeling lonely..

    I’m feeling all alone..

    I feel tense in my body

    My back feels sore

    My shouldee blades feel sore

    My back is tense and stiff

    I feel uptight….

    I want to relax and … Breath…. Ahhhhhh….



  296.  #296ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm


  297.  #297ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    @283 Turquoise

    Yes, that feeling is really nice. I keep thinking about that with Mr. Observant the last time I saw him. I want to feel it again!



  298.  #298Starla on June 22, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    I especially appreciate this part:
    “The sudden dumping usually occurs when some dynamic within the realtionship changes. (getting married, moving in together, being confronted about the drugs or alcohol, demanding they find a job, making a committment, etc). They run scared because their partner has asked them to grow up and it terrifies them because they never learned how to grow up. So they sabotage the relationship. They close the door on you and never look back. And cruelly leave you without any answers. When someone treats you like this, it is some of the worst pain and suffering a human being can ever experience. And you have done nothing to deserve this and remember, it has nothing to do with you. Their problems are completely independent of you.”



  299.  #299Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    A friend of mine said to me once that I am this really nice, strong, confident woman – and then a ‘man’ comes along and I completely ‘loose’ the plot. I feel this is soooo true…

    People who know me think I’m really, really confident, they wouldn’t dream that I have ‘this’ many insecurities… I seem to have more than anyone else I know…

    Everyone else I know can do a full time relationship… Not sure why I can’t…



  300.  #300Tam on June 22, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Nice post Starla, and totally agree with that…people in this frame of mind find it hard to hold onto anything in their lives…I have seen it…also they have no empathy. An empathic person does not behave like that, cut off communication, because they can imagine how that feels.
    I, for one, would like an emotionally rounded and mature person who can feel empathy…I am not longer holding out or hoping for anyone who has shown this kind of behaviour or signs of it.



  301.  #301Starla on June 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    295 RG, love it, thank you.

    where is gingersky?



  302.  #302ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Do you think Chinese food is healthier than a pizza?



  303.  #303Stargirl on June 22, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    I have a question to anyone who can answer- How can you remove a man from your heart and still be feeling all your feelings? Is wiping a man from your mind not wiping all of the feelings that come with him? It feels really wrong to do that; it feels unnatural. :s Because all you want to do is think about him??????!!! Help!



  304.  #304Starla on June 22, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    302 stargirl, i am having the same problem, so at least know you’re not alone <3



  305.  #305Starla on June 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    bummer! the party got cancelled.



  306.  #306ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Aww Starla…that’s too bad.



  307.  #307Starla on June 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    ok new plan: going to pick up some awesome food for myself for dinner and clean the house and get it super sireny, and go to yoga and car shopping tomorrow.

    can ALWAYS use the free time to siren-ize my life:)



  308.  #308ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    I decided to order a Chef’s salad and a calzone with spinach and broccoli. That is a good compromise.



  309.  #309Starla on June 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    yeah! i was really excited for it. but the truth is, i really could use that time to get my life in order. the male attention would have felt LOVELY though.



  310.  #310Alissandra Kay on June 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Wow! Thanks for the welcome and the offer Rori! That would be great! Your blog and advice are fantastic!

    Mary, no problem at all. The day I started thinking like that was a liberating day. I never looked back since 😉



  311.  #311Emerson on June 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Some unfortunate things are happening in my professional life that are making me feel like I’m backsliding………..it feels bad and I feel that “desperate” vibe coming on….
    My friend reminded me to make time to “date” but right now I would like to but I feel so “off” I don’t think it’s a good time. 🙁 But I could sure use the distraction/support/love from a man right now.
    Waah.



  312.  #312Dancing Siren on June 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Well, that all went fabulously.

    Even though I feel a lil sad that I did not get to see S tonight because I did not hear from him in time and decided not to go over there, we spoke on the phone.

    And he is super missing me and asking me for my time, AND recently I have been putting out there, to the Universe, not to him specifically, that I would like a holiday, and he knows I have some time off work soon, and he hadn’t mentioned anything, and so I began to make my own plans, for myself, to take myself on a break if he did not step up with that, and

    Shazam, tonight he asked me if I would go away with him, and he has it all planned out.

    🙂



  313.  #313Dancing Siren on June 22, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    I feel excited about the future, and what I am manifesting in my life right now.

    And I am using the Zoom Out tool a lot.

    And I know I will have a happy and fabolous life.

    Ummm, so now just putting out there that I will like to be married.

    Hmmm, this one is trickier than a holiday isn’t it cus I can’t marry myself, whereas I can take myself on holiday.

    Welll…. maybe I can marry myself, in a way.

    By being TOTALLY committed to myself, and my life, and making me feel happy.

    Maybe I can be there for myself.

    Love, honour and obey myself, lol.

    Maybe I can even have a little ceremony!

    😉

    Ha ha.

    Yes, the idea of marrying myself is actually starting to feel quite appealing.



  314.  #314Dancing Siren on June 22, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    ((((Emerson)))))

    I have been there.

    And sometimes it feels to hard to even contemplate dating when you are feeling like that.

    And often times, when I have made myself do it… is has been exactly what the doctor ordered and has helped me shift.

    If you don’t end up dating tonight though how about dating yourself and treating yourself extra specially??

    xoxox



  315.  #315Starla on June 22, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    As soon as I left work, I started feeling very lonely and depressed. I called my best friend to go to dinner but she wasn’t home. And then I thought “oh i’ll make a POF profile and get some attention there.”

    And then it occurred to me that it is important for me to take care of myself and get through this on my own. I have yet to feel lonely like THIS since I was with CF (yeah, I felt lonelier at times when I was with him than after), and this is an opportunity for me to become more emotionally self sufficient.



  316.  #316Sassy on June 22, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    What if it’s ME that’s emotionally unavailable? Is that why none of my relationships have been successful? Is that why they have always been one-sided, usually me falling harder for them or me realizing it was just all about the sex?
    How do I know? How does this get fixed? Is it fixable, or am I always to be involved with men that appear to be as emotionally unavailable or immature as I am? I readily admit that I have behaved quite immature in the past when it’s come to men and what I perceived to be relationships. I want to change that behavior and choose a different type of man.



  317.  #317Starla on June 22, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    And also, i quit smoking pot a few weeks ago and alcohol is not really my thing… i think normally i would just smoke a bowl and cheer up that way. this is all new coping territory for me. ((((((((me))))))))))



  318.  #318ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    I don’t have a best friend. I haven’t had a best friend since I was 15. I feel sad about that. I don’t have any person I can totally count on, but myself.



  319.  #319Starla on June 22, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Sassy, I know that I have been very emotionally unavailable myself.



  320.  #320ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    It always seems like it’s receivinggirl left to hang out with all the guys. I’ve noticed this often. Me & the guys. I wonder why that is? I’m a girly gal.



  321.  #321Starla on June 22, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    okay, i scheduled a massage for myself in 45 minutes:)



  322.  #322ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    I had a best friend from 2nd grade till sophomore year in high school. We were inseparable. They called us the bobsy twins. We even had the best friends heart necklace.

    Then, at some point, she started to not be around as much. Started dating this guy and I wasn’t even told about it until one day she was pregnant at 16. We were still acquaintances, but that was it. I tried to stay friends, but I didn’t really feel welcomed by her.

    I did invite her and her parents to my wedding. They came and it was nice to see them. I tried to be friends again with her after that, but she didn’t return emails very well and kind of left me hanging.

    I hung out with these two other girls in high school and we became good friends. One day, I got my first bf and they didn’t really like him very much. They said something that I didn’t like and I defriended them. I basically chose my bf over them. It was a poor reaction on my part. We met up again a few years ago on FB and I did apologize. The one girl will come to my parties, but the other one is kind of flighty.

    In college, I met this other girl, we ended up kind of being besties, but that’s only because she just wouldn’t go away. She was very needy and insecure and completely latched on to me. Her bf broke up with her, but was besties with my bf. She wanted me to break up with my bf too. I told her no and then she wanted me to give her information on her ex. I told her no, that it was putting me in a bad position and we ended up having a knock down fight on IM and never speaking again.

    Now, I have a friend who sometimes is ok, but other times not. Like I texted her a question yesterday and I still haven’t heard from her. But, when we do hang out, which is rare, we get on great and talk for hours.

    I guess the common denominator is me, but I’m not really sure why I have this problem. I feel I am a good friend.



  323.  #323Starla on June 22, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    317 receiving girl, that makes me feel very fortunate to have a best friend, because I often feel down on myself for not having family or other friends to turn to. I think that’s been a big reason I developed a penchant for relying emotionally on men. I am breaking that habit now:)



  324.  #324Brandylion on June 22, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    I feel weird asking, but what exactly does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?

    How does that manifest itself in behaviors (especially in men)?



  325.  #325Starla on June 22, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    RG, hugs to you.



  326.  #326Brandylion on June 22, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    A married man from my class said last night that men are way more romantic than women.

    I said something about that depending on him being the right one for me.

    He said that, in fact, it’s all about whether he thinks you’re the right one for him.

    Hearing that really stung, because it reminded me that PriestCD was always on the fence about that and that is why there wasn’t a lot of romance once we left AZ last summer and he didn’t drive the relationship very well. :-/

    This is why you lean back and let a man show you what he’s made of. He’ll romance you if he thinks you’re right for him, and he won’t if he doesn’t.

    I put my profiles back up today. Some positive male attention would feel good, even if it’s just superficial and just emails until I get back to Cleveland in August.



  327.  #327ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Thanks Starla. That may be why I get like that with men too. They seem to be more accepting of me.

    This group of friends I hang out with, the guys have all been friends since they were kids. A really tight knit group and I really enjoy that about them. I think it’s very special. I wish I had that. I feel kind of mad at my ex for giving them up for this woman he’s dating. He really screwed it up.



  328.  #328ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    @323 Brandylion

    They will only let you in so far. They may share childhood stories with you, they may be very romantic, they may be super affectionate and you may even think they are emotionally available, but they will never let you completely inside. I think it shows itself differently for all men.

    BoatGuy would shut down when things got too close. He would always say no if I suggested something. He had to do something else like cut his grass. For my birthday, I wanted to go to this event and he said he didn’t want to go cause he didn’t like that kind of thing. In my opinion, BoatGuy is not over his ex wife. He would talk about her or his inlaws periodically. After our first date, we drove past his father in laws house where they had gotten married and he told me about it and had a faraway look in his eye.

    ShyGuy was avoidant. He was big time hot/cold. He would flirt like crazy when drunk, but then act like he either didn’t remember or he avoided me for an extended period of time. One time, he started texting me and actually told me he digs me, invited me camping for the weekend and then the next day canceled because he forgot he had other plans.

    I think hot/cold is a common denominator trait of emotionally unavailable men.



  329.  #329Emerson on June 22, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    327 RG the hot/cold thing drives me crazy! I hate it and it takes a toll on a person’s emotions. Recycled is VERY hot and cold…shares childhood stories, is very affectionate, tells me he really likes me A LOT or even loves me, and then poof……..like a 5 year old child like baggage reclaim states…they cannot comprehend an emotionally adult relationship.

    Argh.

    I even had what I thought were breakthroughs with him before where he was telling me he doesn’t want a family or committment and I told him he was full of crap and that I don’t believe him, and he said maybe you are right I am full of crap and I do want that!!! But it was this weird moment of closeness/clarity but it didn’t last….

    I know what I did goes against all the Rori rules of being pushy and telling a man what he thinks but I just got so fed up with the mixed messages and hot and cold that I said that.

    Whoa I’m spending waaay too much energy on him



  330.  #330ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    @328 Emerson

    I did the same thing with BoatGuy. I told him, any guy who proposed in a hot air balloon is head over heels in love and I believe his ex-wife broke his heart and took some pieces with her and he won’t let anyone get that close again. I told him a lot of things, but I believe they are all true. I also told him I hope he will allow himself to heal so he can be happy because he deserves to be happy. I really do think he is a great guy, even though he’s so difficult.



  331.  #331ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    I got ready for bed, brushed my teeth, washed my face, took my pills, etc.

    As I was looking at my broken out face, my hair all over the bathroom floor, my mouth ulcers, feeling my chest pain from costochondritis, and wrist pain, I was thinking how Mr. Observant asked me how I was doing and I said, I’m doing good. I told him I’ve been tired and been relaxing, but I’m not sharing with him how I’m really feeling cause I don’t want to come off as negative. I don’t want to be viewed as damaged goods, or with pity or annoy him if I often have problems.

    Then, it hit me…I wonder if he’s doing the same with me. Maybe he doesn’t want to bring me down with what’s going on with him, maybe he doesn’t want to scare me off and so that’s why he’s saying he’s good and the medicine is good, when he’s still having problems. I can tell he is still having problems. He says things that are off.

    Maybe I need to share with him how I am really feeling physically. I don’t often share it with people because I don’t want them to pity me or be annoyed with me always having something wrong. When people can’t see what is wrong with you, sometimes they brush it off and just think that you might be a lypochondriac. My one bf thought I was and it felt bad to be viewed that way, not taken seriously. Maybe I need to be open about it so he is comfortable to be open as well.



  332.  #332LiliBee on June 22, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Hi sirens,

    I miss being here with you all.

    I’ve been doing great. However, I feel tired and disconnected.
    That’s what I told D.
    I can’t wait to spend some quiet down time at home with nowhere to go.

    Be careful what you wish for coz you may very well get it, and then some!

    I’m getting so much attention from D.
    He wants me with him every spare minute he has.

    Tonight I told him I was going to sleep at my place, to get back into my own things to feel grounded again.
    I’ve been living out of a suitcase for 2 straight weeks.
    I will be getting ready to go somewhere again tomorrow.
    I spent a week in Las Vegas with D; last weekend with D and his family, which was so much fun!
    Then tomorrow we’re going to a wedding out of town and sleeping over.
    I’m not going anywhere but D’s swimming pool next weekend…I can’t take the whirlwind anymore.
    I need to reconnect with myself.

    I feel overwhelmed, tired and disconnected from running to go somewhere all the time.



  333.  #333ReceivingGirl on June 22, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    I really can’t believe I made it up until 9:30! However, I am heading to bed. Maybe if I feel rested tomorrow, I can head over to the Farmer’s Market. I’ve been wanting to go since they first opened about a month or so ago.



  334.  #334Izzy on June 22, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    I wish I had someone to share my thoughts and feelings with… Or at least someone who would notice my new haircut and hair color.

    I feel annoyed with this city of lonely people. I feel hopeful the next one will be better. I feel resentful.

    I want better friends. Friends that can show up at the last minute. I really don



  335.  #335Izzy on June 22, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    I really don’t like having to make an appointment with 2 months in advance to see friends.

    Yes, I need new friends. Universe, please send me new friends. The kind I can really connect with and share good moments with. Thank you!

    I feel tired of being disappointed by people.

    I love my new hair color. Too bad no one noticed. I like it and that should be enough.



  336.  #336Starla on June 22, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    The massage kinda hurt. but i needed it. I’ve been working out incredibly hard for 3 weeks straight with only weekends off, and my muscles needed some help.

    my mind kept drifting to CF. Then I remembered my mindfulness meditation capabilities, and I just focused on the massage and observed the thoughts without judgment.

    I am really glad I did something healing for myself. All I have been doing “for” myself is following through with my obligations, which is great! but some relaxation/healing was definitely in order.



  337.  #337Starla on June 22, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Izzy, I wish I could see your new hair!



  338.  #338Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Hi Lili

    It’s nice to have you back.



  339.  #339Emerson on June 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    (((Izzy)))



  340.  #340Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Starla

    I don’t think that CF doesn’t care. I think he feels guilty of something and in any case not cut for a relationship. I spent so much time in my life dreaming about guys who just can’t do it and it never changed, they still couldn’t. Not with me, not with anyone else. Only to think that all this time I could be with someone who really needs me 😉



  341.  #341Starla on June 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    Hi Memulo!



  342.  #342Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    I feel confused myself. My guy was really upset about not being able to spend time with his kid and texted me several times. Then the next day I invited him somewhere and there was no response, I felt so worried about him. Then at 11pm he texted that he was able to get the child and go on vacation with him, will be back in a few days. I mean I get it that he is happy now, but I was really worried, thought he could have stopped eating again, etc.

    We’ve been together for 5 months, but we only see each other one night a week. It’s always because of his schedule or his bad mood, but I feel lonely. Is it normal? Is 5-6 months another magic break up point the next one after 5 months? Should I turn into a demanding b-ch and start telling him all the time what I feel unhappy about? Every single time? I feel really confused



  343.  #343Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    *the next one after 2 months



  344.  #344LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Hi Memulo



  345.  #345LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Just love yourself Memulo, and Love him. Don’t put any demands on him, put demands on yourself. If you are feeling lonely, then what would you like to change about you to make yourself feel better?



  346.  #346Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Hi LoveAlways 😉



  347.  #347Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    But shouldn’t I tell him what bothers me? Shouldn’t I tell him it feels bad when I am only let know when he feels terrible and not a word when he is back to good?

    What really tortures me is that it’s hard to respect what he lets happen to him…………………….



  348.  #348LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    WOW Lilibee, it feels beautiful to read how sweet things are going for you!



  349.  #349Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    LoveAlways, are you still talking to CDSong?



  350.  #350Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    I went out to see a movie with girlfriends tonight and I really know how to be on my own, but I do need to feel that needs me and more that once a week



  351.  #351Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    Maybe attraction goes down after 5 months



  352.  #352LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Memulo – Why do you need to tell him about your bad feelings? Don’t try to change him, change you. If you are going to say I feel bad because I feel lonely so often, then it’s about you. But if you feel bad because of what he had done or hasn’t done, then that feel like the wrong approach. You can go through your feelings and embrace them and riff, or channel (pick your tool), but are you being authentic telling him these bad feelings?

    I went through this with CD song this week and I realized I needed to do something to change my own situation. It stopped me from attacking him. Then, when he called, I was over that issue and we just talked and I told him how I felt about the situation. He didn’t have to do or feel anything about it because I had already made up my mind what the outcome would be. He was thinking of things totally differently than me – his head was somewhere else, and it feel great to have been in my head instead of his. He was comfortable enough to honest and talk to me, not at me. Maybe a small thing for most women, but it was a connection for me and him. This would not have happened if I had told him my bad feelings.



  353.  #353LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I wondered the same thing about attraction. It doesn’t go down, it changes a bit. Felt we were not as passionate as when we first met, but then I came to realize his passion is much deeper than I ever realized, much deeper than when we first met, and it scares him.



  354.  #354LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Yup, LOL. We had a heart to heart last month when I decided to stop seeing him. I told him about himself and where I stood in my own life. It was not nice, it was not siren-y, but it felt good to get it out. Thought he would go on his way, but he called again that night, and I could see he was making an effort to change the things I had mentioned. He was reaching out emotionally, so I felt it out and just decided to enjoy myself.



  355.  #355Starla on June 22, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Ideally you should be CDing until he steps up with an exclusivity agreement you feel good about (in this case, it would include seeing each other more).



  356.  #356Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    LoveAlways, thank you. Do you really think it’s a bad idea to tell him that I felt worried about him and surprised he didn’t tell me when things turned for better?

    I guess on the back of my mind I think that his ex demanded a lot from him and he gave it to her.. and then she wanted more. And now I am like it’s ok, I don’t want anything, even when I don’t feel good?



  357.  #357Rebecca on June 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Sirens

    I am wondering why I am so gullable with men?

    I finf it pathetic that I have fallen head over heels in love with Mr One Night Stand. He obviously NEVER had my best interests at heart, and has blatantly ignored me ever since it happened, which is now a good two months ago,

    Yet, I am all lovey-dovey about him still.

    What is wrong with me? Do I have ‘sucker’ written on my forehead?

    Someone please wake me up to this man amd tell me it is an imaginary relationship, and to put the focus back on me..

    I am going to start ‘Rebecca, is there somethinh nice you can do for yourself today?’



  358.  #358LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    “But shouldn’t I tell him what bothers me? Shouldn’t I tell him it feels bad when I am only let know when he feels terrible and not a word when he is back to good?” Do you feel this when you are with him or talking to him? It seems you two are really into each other and if you only see each other once a week, then you must really be grinning ear to ear when you do get together.

    I may be angry when I feel it, but when he calls, or when we are together, I don’t feel it! I feel love and heat and … well, you know. So why express something you are not feeling then?



  359.  #359Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Starla, thank you, so then I should at least tell him I want it, no?

    I can’t CD. It’s because of the way he is. I’d feel I betray him and us if I do. I feel that I am special to him and he trusts me. Yet after he left like this, responding to my invite after the event was over, tomorrow I accepted brunch with a friend of a friend, and that friend was supposed to come, but then he canceled, so I am really going to brunch with someone I hardly know. It feels very weird



  360.  #360LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    “What really tortures me is that it’s hard to respect what he lets happen to him…………………….” I understand this. You are not judging him, this is how you feel in response to his situation. Isn’t he allowed to live his life the way he does, right or wrong. How does that feel to you? Does it affect how you feel for him emotionally? Dig deeper into your feelings. It all has to be about you Memulo. You don’t have to be a bitch to him, just be demanding on yourself.



  361.  #361LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    “What really tortures me is that it’s hard to respect what he lets happen to him…………………….” I understand this. You are not judging him, this is how you feel in response to his situation. Isn’t he allowed to live his life the way he does, right or wrong. How does that feel to you? Does it affect how you feel for him emotionally? Dig deeper into your feelings. It all has to be about you Memulo. You don’t have to be a b@tch to him, just be demanding on yourself.



  362.  #362Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Yes LoveAlways, I’m trying to block it, but this situation and more so the fact that he hasn’t make up his mind to fight for his freedom starts to affect my feelings.



  363.  #363LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Yes, Starla, I agree about CDing. I went out with a new CD (who was my high school sweetheart) and we had a wonderful date. A wonderful connection. We had the BEST time together and were floating on cloud nine. I needed that, he needed that. It had nothing to do with CD song. I felt something different for CD song than I did for the HS CD and when I was in CD songs arms I was totally present with him. No guilt or any feeling like that. CDing is not cheating. I am only intimate with one person.



  364.  #364LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Maybe step away from it emotionally? You are hurting where he hurts? You need to be safe in your emotions too Memulo. Is his situation triggering you in some way?



  365.  #365Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    LoveAlways, it’s actually worse. I’m starting to feel – come on, be a man, stand up for yourself.



  366.  #366LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    “I am going to start ‘Rebecca, is there somethinh nice you can do for yourself today?’”

    I like the sound of this Rebecca!!! Embrace yourself and your feeling for this guy. I’ve totally been there and done that! What you are feeling is the energy within in! You are focusing it on him because the interactions with him caused that energy to vibrate within you, and you liked it. But it was YOU, not him. Hard to separate it from the guy, but it’s true, its all you girl, and it’s all good!



  367.  #367LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    Memulo – that’s good!! Feel that, but still allow him to be the man that he is! ACCEPT him as he is. He may not be the kind of man you want, and you need to see this. You see how I keep bringing it back to being all about you? (I’m just learning how to do this on a regular, so forgive me, I’m like a kid who just learned how to ride a bike).



  368.  #368Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Rebecca, I agree with LoveAlways, it’s all about how You feel. Your story tells me that you are romantic and able to love and these are great qualities to have. So many people just don’t know where even to start feeling love, consider yourself lucky



  369.  #369Starla on June 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    yeah, tell him you’re noticing you feel bad not having more time together, and you don’t want to pressure him, so ask him if what he thinks you two should do. if you should be keeping your options open and accepting invitations from other men.

    there are a few scripts rori’s specifically drafted for this, maybe one of the other sirens can hunt it down?



  370.  #370Starla on June 22, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    hah! finally found “think like a man” free online.
    http://www.free-tv-video-online.me/movies/2012/think_like_a_man.html



  371.  #371Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Thank you Starla 😉

    I like your advice, it sounds constructive. The only thing is that I can’t tell him I’m considering to go out with other men! We are not about it, I don’t want to ruin what we have. On the other hand, last weekend I said when he called that I’m expecting a guest for drinks, can’t talk. He was at my door the next night lol



  372.  #372Memulo on June 22, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    LoveAlways, yes, I meant it in ‘about me’ way. Thought we are encouraged to share feelings as long as they’re about us? It is really confusing



  373.  #373LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Yes, but are you feeling it then and there. I thought those are the feelings to share. And why are you sharing those feelings – I think it’s to foster a connection, or to be open for him to reach out to you to connect. In those moments you are together, what is it you feel you want? More time? Well are you enjoying that moment in time with him? I stopped thinking forward when I am on a date or spending time with a man. I think here and now. What do I want here and now. How do I feel here and now. WHAT IS THE QUEEN’S PLEASURE LOL! Last week this time it was a bottle of wine and to feel the breeze. A few nights ago it was to feel the feeling of being held close. I can’t think to far ahead to include some one else . . . ha ha, welcome to MY confusion . . . it ain’t pretty, but it get me through 🙂



  374.  #374Starla on June 22, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    I did my dishes and flossed my teeth and tomorrow will be a wonderful day:) goodnight sirens



  375.  #375LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    You have to feel good Memulo. Do what it takes to feel good. Even if it is confusing. Reach through it all and feel good as often as you can manage. He will reach out to you to enjoy your feeling good!

    I in no way have the answers or actually understand all of Rori’s tools to tell you how to do it. But I can share the few little things that has helped me get a better footing of myself.

    I wish I could wish away your bad feelings



  376.  #376LoveAlways on June 22, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Time to rest this lovely head too!

    Good night Starla
    Good night Memulo
    Good night sweet sirens!



  377.  #377Emerson on June 22, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Thanks RG and Dancing Siren for your replies.

    What feels good is what was mentioned about doing what is best for me and my life and focusing on that. Whew I tried that for a bit today and it felt selfish at first but then it felt good and I felt a whoosh of relief.

    I am practicing feeling messages with men online. One guy was being so rude and I kept telling him aww I feel uncomfortable, etc and finally I just left it alone. But I still practiced. 🙂



  378.  #378Emerson on June 22, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Starla I liked reading about your massage and how you were able to shift…what is mindfulness meditation???



  379.  #379Daria on June 23, 2012 at 2:27 am

    Daria had a whoa few days

    missing connecting with a man right now

    feeling so into my Goddess power too



  380.  #380Esteemed on June 23, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Esteemed had a whoa last night texting R for a few hours! It was positive and fun! I feel much more comfortable with him. I have found as long as I think of him like a buddy, I’m fine. As soon as I get into intense emotions about missing him, I tense up and he leaves the conversation. So I just relaxed last night and talked to him freely like I would a girl friend. What’s cool is we can talk about a huge range of topics. 🙂 Like sex. Hahaha! I keep my attachment out, and we have fun!

    My work week ended out strong! I now have the money to get my meds to stay awake! And still feeling very attracted to Super!



  381.  #381Francesca on June 23, 2012 at 3:50 am

    RG @ 295

    Thank you for the link, I just love stuff like that!



  382.  #382ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 4:33 am

    I want to tell Mr. Observant “It would feel good to see you. What do you think?”

    What do you ladies think?



  383.  #383Tam on June 23, 2012 at 4:42 am

    RG, has he reached out to you in any way?



  384.  #384boasgirl on June 23, 2012 at 4:47 am

    hi again, Sirens 🙂

    and thanks a lot for your best wishes!

    next day now, here in Norway

    the date with mr.New was sort of boring … (No, Femininewoman, it was not mr. Ex – thank God, or unfortunately …not sure – this mr. Ex, i know he’s not good for me on a sexual and emotional level, but he’s kind of been my addiction the last few years … long story.)

    Anyway,Mr.New – kind of weird – he didn’t offer to pay for drinks, and the conversation was awkward –

    however, i feel happy that i went! a new step towards cd-ing, learning to move on …

    he told me i was cute,and he hinted at wanting physical contact, but he was very unromantic – i guess i felt sort of turned off by that. and i din’t really tap into my siren power – guess it takes practice –

    the journey has just begun 🙂

    feeling more optimistic today. Wishing all of you lovely ladies a lovely day!

    (oh yeah, and today is the day where we light bunfires here in norway -a midsummer tradition – and if we pick 7 or 9 different herbs and put them under our pillow, we’re supposed to dream about our future husband 🙂 maybe i will do that …)



  385.  #385ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 5:06 am

    @382 Tam

    Yes, he phoned me Wed. night. Told me he’s been busy with his kids. Had gone to a baseball game the night before and it made him think of me. He said it was nice to hear my voice. He mentioned about taking me back to his condo pool. He had a doctor appt. Thursday. He said a few things that were odd, so I know he’s not completely back to himself.

    Friday, I texted “I hope the doctor went well. I was thinking about you.”

    This morning he texted, “Thank you! Hope all is well with you! ;)”

    He’s mentioned a few times about getting together over the last couple of weeks. But, he’s not his communicating self. I think he’s still adjusting to his meds, but he’s been getting out with his kids, so I know he’s able to get out and do things. Part of me is concerned he may think I don’t really want to see him after his diagnosis or he’s embarrassed. I don’t know why, I just feel I need to let him know I am still interested.



  386.  #386ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Hi Memulo!! 🙂



  387.  #387ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Another thing Tam, I’m not sure if he remembers our phone conversation when he was delusional. If so, he may be feeling weird about that.



  388.  #388Tam on June 23, 2012 at 5:42 am

    @RG, wow, you’ll have to tread softly there then.
    Not sure what I would do. If you feel that he needs to know that you are still interested, and that it hasn’t come through in the conversations, and you feel it would help…then it can’t hurt to tell him when you have your next conversation, that it ‘would feel good to get together’.
    Honestly though, sounds to me like he wants to make sure he is back to ‘normal’ (whatever that means to him/you/us all), before he meets you?
    That’s what I read between the lines and I may be wrong.

    I had a very similar experience and actually pushed the guy to see me (also psychological problems). It was the worst thing I could have done as he was just not ready. He got angry (at himself) and it was very sad and horrible. I do not wish that for you, so I would say you have to tread carefully and I would say let him come to you – but offer encouragement when he does.

    Hope this helps?



  389.  #389Ella on June 23, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Hello Sirens,

    I am feeling good today.

    Just did some Pole practice and covered a really fun ZUmba class this morning with some lovely ladies in Lewes.



  390.  #390Memulo on June 23, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Hi ReceivingGirl!

    I wouldn’t contact him 😉 Let him make an effort to find out if you are interested or not. He’s prob not ready for whatever reason to ask you out. Be a mystery:) Live your own life, make him wonder what’s up with you.



  391.  #391ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 5:55 am

    @387 Tam

    Thanks. I was halfway thinking that too. Maybe he doesn’t want to see me because he knows he’s still adjusting. It’s so hard because he’s so quiet and he wasn’t at all prior to this, he was constantly persuing me, so it feels like he’s an uninterested man, but when we talk, he’s so interested.

    I don’t doubt his interest, but if also feels confusing because I know what it feels like to be with an uninterested man!!! It would feel really good to me to see him & feel him.

    But, I don’t want him to feel pressured by me either. I want to be supportive.



  392.  #392Memulo on June 23, 2012 at 5:57 am

    LoveAlways,

    Thank you so much for your advice last night. I almost forgot a relationship goes in waves, but on every wave you have to feel good!

    Last night apparently he texted me something about the baby, but there was no question in his text, so I didn’t answer. I intend to find something fun to do for tonight and will share with him my good feelings and experience when we talk next time.



  393.  #393ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Thanks, Memulo! Yes, you ladies are probably right. He probably doesn’t want to see me until he is feeling adjusted. Sigh…



  394.  #394Starla on June 23, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Last night I dreamed of Alaska. In my dream, he had moved to San Francisco and had flown me out there to see him. I kept peeling my clothes off, even in public places. It was so weird. We never kissed, but I wanted to hug and touch and stuff.

    My weirdo dreams, haha. I feel glad they’re not exactly nightmares all the time now.



  395.  #395boasgirl on June 23, 2012 at 7:15 am

    @393 Starla, that’s so cool 🙂

    there is a book about that – it’s called “the woman who undressed for the man she loved”, or something like that (title badly translated from norwegian)

    in it, this woman removes her clothes in the markedplace, as a declaration of her love for a man, or something like that …(it’s been a while since i read it)

    anyway, i don’t know your story with Alaska – maybe not very relevant … just an association



  396.  #396Starla on June 23, 2012 at 7:20 am

    boasgirl, Alaska is a guy I’ve rejected romantically because he seems really emotionally unstable. i think the dream is about my hope that he can change, as well as my own desperation for companionship and attention that causes me to overlook red flags that I shouldn’t..



  397.  #397boasgirl on June 23, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Starla, sounds familiar … kind of a similar story with my Mr. X

    hmmm … red flags are good, really – they’re just so hard to acknowledge when needs for companionship and attention show up.

    It’s good that you have an idea of what the dream is about.



  398.  #398Zara on June 23, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Lies

    “… believing what I can not see…”
    http://vimeo.com/43805574



  399.  #399ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 8:03 am

    I’m working on a new routine for my eating. I’ve started ordering organic vegetables & fruits for delivery as well as grass fed, no antibiotics, hormones, etc. meats. I feel it is better to stay away from the grocery store as much as possible to prevent overspending on things I don’t really need and things that aren’t good for me. I will have to go periodically for some items that are not available online.

    I find it hard to stay away from grains, because I like their filling effect, but I think it may help my autoimmune if I do. I’ve been trying more gluten-free, but I think just grains in general should be avoided. So, what kinds of foods do you use as “filling foods”. Fruits and veggies don’t seem to do it for me. I do like beans, but I’m not a fan of them everyday. I plan on continuing with brown rice and quinoa, but again I get bored with that easily.

    In order for this to work, I need to find foods I won’t get bored with. I also have oatmeal coming out of my ears. I thought I canceled my delivery, but it arrived unexpectedly. I’ve read mixed things about oats and gluten. I may just donate it to the food pantry.

    I feel curious of you sirens who are on a very healthy eating path. Would you mind sharing your eating routine or recipes you love? Any foods you find very filling?



  400.  #400Zara on June 23, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Everything changes
    http://vimeo.com/44341787

    How do you stand up straight in a world that puts you down?
    And how much longer will this ship stay on the ground?
    Look at the mirror and you’re starting to fear that the best of years have gone by
    that you’re never climbing higher

    Well if you’re tired of being yourself
    Go on and be somebody else
    As long as the stars are burning
    The world keeps turning
    you know…
    that everything changes

    How do you know what’s of this earth and what’s divine?
    And if the point of life is creation then why are we wasting our time…
    Looking around to discover ourselves like it’s some
    fixed point you can find?
    You can start to lose your mind

    But if you’re tired of being yourself
    Go on and be somebody else
    As long as the stars are burning
    The world keeps turning
    you know…
    That if you’re tired of being yourself
    Go on and be somebody else

    Take all the rules and break em
    Your plans and remake em cause
    you know
    Everything changes

    Are you ready to quit?
    Are you out? Is this it?
    Well we all take a hit but we keep on fighting

    How did you end up in this place for so long?
    And what ever made you think that this is where you belong?
    Walking the streets like a dog that’s been beat cause you just can’t sleep tonight
    Will you ever get it right?

    Well if you’re tired of being yourself
    Go on and be somebody else
    As long as the stars are burning
    The world keeps turning
    you know…
    That if you’re tired of being yourself
    Go on and be somebody else

    Take all the rules and break em
    Your plans and remake em cause
    you know
    Everything changes



  401.  #401lilybelly on June 23, 2012 at 8:11 am

    (((((((((Zara)))))))))



  402.  #402Starla on June 23, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Receiving girl,
    Eggs are filling but do cause inflammation in some people depending on how they are prepared.

    In general, you will feel hungry at first giving up the “filling” foods, but your body will adjust. I ate a LOT of veggies when I started out, just to keep the hunger at bay, but even then I was hungry! It just takes time for your body to get the message.

    Now I only crave bread when my body actually probably needs it.



  403.  #403Femininewoman on June 23, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Congrats Receiving Girl. I think you are making great food choices. They may not be fill but they are nutritious. One thing I am using as a fill in snack is the mature coconut. I also love quinoa mixed with carrots, kale, and red cabbage.



  404.  #404Starla on June 23, 2012 at 8:28 am

    I feel so scared to buy a car. I feel so scared of being taken advantage of.



  405.  #405Linda on June 23, 2012 at 8:28 am

    #7 sassy – This relationship I was in lasted the last 3 years. I am hurt. I feel resentment as well. I was used, even after I made it very clear what I wanted and did not want. I am angry as well. I am sad as well. There are many things I will not go into explaining here just because I cant make sense of them myself.

    I wake up everymorning in peace and within 30 seconds I remember that I again have been rejected. It is very hard for me to look at it as a “learning experience” or another “experiment” or that “it just didnt work out” Nor can I take responsibility for it not working. I can see all the reasons that it did’nt and relieved to not be dealing with him anymore, but I genuinely loved him. In the end, it counted for nothing it seems.

    Linda



  406.  #406Owlette on June 23, 2012 at 8:29 am

    receiving girl: i was a raw vegan “cook” for a while as part of a personal assistant job. Avocados and nuts can be filling. Try lentil soups, mashed sweet potatoes, Healthy stews with root vegetables that you can store or freeze. I have a food processor and I Throw dates in there with chopped almonds and roll them into balls and cover them with coconut shavings. Soba noodles are an amazing replacement for pasta or when you want an Asian comfort soup. Look up recipes with these staples. I also fill up with green smoothies or almond butter and agave and peach and almond milk smoothies.

    Ok I just made myself hungry.



  407.  #407Starla on June 23, 2012 at 8:34 am

    My thoughts are bouncing around all over the place today. I must be feeling anxious and hungry.

    Yesterday when I was headed home from my massage, I was thinking about how much pain I am in from stuff with CF. And then I saw a sign for “Coco’s Nail Salon” and thought of CocoKisses and Mel, who both recently went through a DIVORCE, not some petty break up like me. So I am definitely going to be okay. Life is good. I was just broken up in the roughest way possible to move on easily, and I also have abandonment issues in general, so it seems like the end of the world some days. (((((((me)))))))



  408.  #408Starla on June 23, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Aww, George Washington, who sent me a 4 page email (labeled in freaking parts), is back with his last girlfriend. I feel happy for them. I still feel pissed at him that he took my honest words about not wanting to date right now and tried to read between them.



  409.  #409Femininewoman on June 23, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Be careful with potatoes and nuts as they can have fungus that could cause havoc in a comppromised immune system. Also dried fruit could have the fungus plus a lot f sugar



  410.  #410ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Starla,

    Thanks. I find omelettes are problematic if I eat them at night…they cause my acid reflux to act up. I typically will put hard boiled eggs in my salad.

    I wish I liked avocados…that would help. 🙂



  411.  #411ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 8:43 am

    There’s a Groupon for a new salon for a 60 minute swedish massage for $35. I checked out their website and they also offer aromatherapy massage and reiki. I’ve never had a massage or done reiki, but I thinking maybe I should give it a try.



  412.  #412Linda on June 23, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Why is it that genuinely loving someone is not enough? They say love conquers all things. Who is they?



  413.  #413Linda on June 23, 2012 at 8:45 am

    You know accepting their flaws, shortcomings, failures, attitudes… and then all their good things too. Why is that no enough and they reject you saying it is not all there? It makes me crazy!!!!



  414.  #414Owlette on June 23, 2012 at 8:45 am

    last night at my hotel in sf for this wedding shoot I met a stranger on this shuttle who randomly started talking to me about the seminar here. It turns out that one of the main guys whose videos I watch a lot on eft is having his first weekend tapping seminar at my hotel. It’s on manifesting success and wealth. Which is exactly what I need to do right now.

    I woke up early today intending to find the seminar room and say hi to him and thank him for his videos and on my way down I bumped into him in the elevator. What. I ended up taking pictures of him on the stage for him to keep for advertising and then we hugged and he said ” isn’t life grand?”



  415.  #415Linda on June 23, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Where are the men that will love us and our flaws and shortcomings, failures, imperfections? Where are men that can love us like we are. Where are the men that are working on themselves so they are ready for us?



  416.  #416ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 8:50 am

    @402 FW

    Thanks. I was doing so well earlier in the year, but I got lazy since this flare started up and I need to get back on track. This is the time I need to eat better, maybe it will pass quicker.

    I’m still afraid of the weight loss though.



  417.  #417ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 8:53 am

    @403 Starla

    I know how you feel. I don’t trust car salesmen. Luckily, my Dad is pretty tough to deal with and he found a girl who treats him well. So, I ended up buying a car from her and she knew my Dad would be in her ear if she didn’t give me a good deal. But, I think she is a good saleswoman even without that. If you lived here, I would send you her name! 🙂

    They also valet my car when I need an oil change or service and leave me a loaner. It’s a nice service.



  418.  #418ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 8:57 am

    @405 Owelette

    Thank you, I took notes! 🙂



  419.  #419ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 8:59 am

    @408 FW

    I’ve finished my peanut butter. It’s my go to snack to fill me up, but I’m going to try and find something else to replace it.

    Does potatoes include sweet potatoes for the fungus?



  420.  #420ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 9:04 am

    @413 Owelette

    Nice story…maybe you manifested meeting him! 🙂



  421.  #421LobbyStar on June 23, 2012 at 9:28 am

    411: Linda

    I have asked this question so many times.

    I am still waiting for the man for whom I am “enough”.



  422.  #422Emerson on June 23, 2012 at 9:38 am

    414 I had a man that was like that…my ex from way back when. He thought I hung the moon…and loved me so much. He was also jealous though, and I couldn’t hand that part of him and it drove me away.
    I never had the real attraction for him besides friendship,even though we were in a relationshiop for 3 years.

    I think now maybe I should not have thrown away a great guy and could have worked on that.

    Seems I am questioning EVERYTHING right now…replaying a lot from the past that I could have done differently and had more security today.



  423.  #423Emerson on June 23, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Linda, there ARE men out there like that. I do believe so.
    I haven’t lost all hope.
    Just feeling really hard to live in the moment right now.
    I am not sure what I’m supposed to do right now.
    I used to have SO MANY options meeting men and had so many friends…just a few years ago.
    I went back to school and always working so hard…so now I’m feeling alone.

    Also, just recently everything seemed to be falling into place with work stuff…without me really “DOING” anything…it was amazing the past 6 months or so…and then suddenly now it all seems to be falling apart overnight and I’m feeling devastated. 🙁 Things that are beyond my control and have nothing to do with my performance, etc…are the reasons.

    On top of that, Recycled had been showing me attention and it felt ok although he is a little moody and cloudy, I felt happy that MAYBE we could have a future….not to throw him away…and perhaps give a second chance. But now he’s let me down again, and not responded when I needed his help (which he has offered numerous times) and so I “ended” the friendship.

    Gawsh things can change quickly. 🙁



  424.  #424Emerson on June 23, 2012 at 9:47 am

    I’m really questioning all of my choices in the past year+ and second guessing myself like crazy



  425.  #425Emerson on June 23, 2012 at 9:50 am

    I’m all over the place…spamming the blog ladies 🙂

    I feel that I repeat the same stuff over and over with my feelings of depression and spiralling…it’s like I want to change but I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with myself right now.

    My instinct is to be ambitious (which I’ve always been) and go getter…not sit back and “just see what happens” ….I feel this huge urgency to go out there and “do something” to get a new job or create an opportunity for myself and I go full force, and sometimes things don’t turn out and then I’m so EXHAUSTED….help.



  426.  #426Emerson on June 23, 2012 at 9:55 am

    FW I really like the post from Rori in 38
    It’s a good reminder



  427.  #427Smile on June 23, 2012 at 9:58 am

    (((Emerson))) I find it’s good to get your thoughts out and to try and own your feelings what ever they may be.

    All this talk of healthy food is making me feel guilty. I’ve just ordered a takeaway Chinese. I do normally eat healthily. I’m vegetarian. I go to the gym 3/4 times week too so this is a small infrequent luxury right now.



  428.  #428Memulo on June 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

    It feels scary not to answer to his texts.. I left the text about him being away on vacation not answered and then yesterday another text about the child. None of them implied an answer, but still..

    On the other hand he leaves my texts without questions hanging sometimes so I guess it’s alright



  429.  #429Smile on June 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Mary,

    Thank you for your feedback on my script. It made me feel more confident at being a siren.

    There have been lots of changes/updates in my situation which I’ll spill out when I have more time. But roris mantra is really happening for me now. Especially the last part of be surprised!!

    I’m feeling in the moment and great!



  430.  #430CurvySiren10 on June 23, 2012 at 10:16 am

    414 Linda, I know it’s hard to see when you’re in the soup, but they are out there. I found one. Emotionally mature and available. Not perfect, but accepts ME as I am yet inspires me to be more. It’s really worth hanging in there for.

    Emerson, Wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I at least wanted to let you know you’ve been heard. I empathize on the work stuff. It’s very scary when you feel so out of control. And yeah, the Recycled thing seems like a rollercoaster. Sending hugs.



  431.  #431CurvySiren10 on June 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Starla, you are an intelligent, capable woman. I bought my first car completely alone a couple of months ago and it was empowering and I did NOT feel like I was taken advantage of . Infact, I felt like I got a great deal! 🙂



  432.  #432CurvySiren10 on June 23, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Receiving Girl, I’m in love with the Nutriblasts I’ve been making with my new nutribullet! SO healthy and adding nuts/seeds, hemp protein powder etc. can pump up the calories and nutrition. I’m trying to avoid the calories myself, lol. But they are delicious, filling and very nutritious. You can do them without the bullet but I love this machine 🙂



  433.  #433Emerson on June 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Thank you Curvy!! I feel I’m ‘in the soup’…and I have to remember it does not last forever, I need to be open to feeling surprised that things can change for the better. Thank you!



  434.  #434Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 10:23 am

    I’m feeling confused and yucky. J and I have been exclusive for 4 years, minus two months last year. We lived together until we had a painful breakup about 8 months ago, then got back together exclusively about 6 months ago. I found Rori’s wonderful philosophy a couple of months after that – I would not have agreed to exclusivity if I had known then what I know now! But now I’ve agreed to it… again. And I feel trapped and scared.

    Daria was kind enough to be honest with me several weeks ago. She told me, “at 4 years you are stalled,” and she reminded me that Circular Dating is the fastest way to unstall a relationship. I agree with her! And I’m feeling really scared and trapped because I am tired of not moving forward into a real commitment and a real life together… and I’m also scared that I will lose J if I tell him I want to date others.

    J talks about our future together all the time. Yet last night, when his buddy asked him if J and I are getting “serious,” J hedged: “What’s serious?” The buddy asked: “Are you planning on getting married and having kids and all that?” And J said “No, we’re not thinking about that right now.”

    After seeing his buddy, J visited me at my house and mentioned that conversation to me. I felt yucky but I let it pass because (a) I didn’t know how to handle it and (b) I didn’t want a heavy conversation right then. But even though I haven’t been asking J for commitment etc, I AM thinking about those things. I WANT marriage and a family, and I’m tired of living in 2 separate apartments and not having a lifelong commitment.

    Jealousy was a huge problem in our past relationship (J and I are both jealous types). J is not interested in any other women – he is focused on me and thinks everything is copasetic. And I don’t really WANT any other guys: I want to unstall this relationship and I don’t think it’s fair for J to have me all to himself if he’s not ready to move forward with me. It would feel great to receive attention and giving from other men in the meantime. I am afraid that if I tell J I want to see other guys, he will think I don’t want him or I won’t be a faithful partner in the long run. I’m also afraid that he will be too scared of the competition.

    I have been doing a lot of what I call Circular Interacting: I’ve been opening up to men and allowing them to interact with me and give to me. For example, I recently visited a local New Age store and the Reiki guy was so smitten with me he offered me a free Reiki session, which I accepted and it was wonderful. But because of the prior exclusivity agreement with J, I wouldn’t accept a date to lunch or something unless I have changed the exclusivity agreement first.

    I’m scared of the moment when some great guy wants to take me out, I refuse, he presses me for a reason, and I admit that I won’t go out with him because I’m saving myself for some guy who I’ve dated for 4 years who doesn’t live with me and won’t marry me! Yuck yuck yuck sad sad sad embarrassing.

    I want to know how to talk to J about this. I think the conversation he had with his buddy would be a good platform to start from. Is there a script for this kind of situation?



  435.  #435CurvySiren10 on June 23, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Linda, didn’t mean to be flippant at all- I just want to lend some hope and optimism. I promise there ARE really great men out there. You just have to keep open to that fact. Closing off and becoming bitter is NOT something that will attract that type of man.



  436.  #436Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 10:38 am

    What if I said something like:

    “I felt weird when you told [your buddy] that we’re not thinking about getting married right now. The truth is, I am thinking about it. I’m still how I feel about marriage per se, but I do know I don’t want a guy who doesn’t want to marry me… What do you think?”

    “I don’t want to pressure you to do anything you’re not ready for… I don’t want to keep saving myself for you if our relationship is not moving forward. It doesn’t feel good to be hanging on to you, wondering when I’ll get a real life with you. I feel anxious in my tummy, and I feel hollow inside wondering if I’ll ever have the life I want with the man I love… What do you think?”

    And here’s the part I think I “should” say but I am oh, soooo not comfortable with:

    “I don’t want to limit my options or miss out on experiences because I’m somehow waiting for you. That means if another guy wants to take me out or give me attention, I don’t want to turn him down. What do you think?”

    This is the part that I’m soooo scared to say. I am afraid of J’s anger (I know he will be angry if I suggest this). I am afraid of him withdrawing completely. He has always been realllly scared that he won’t be enough for me, that I will want to philander around and hurt him. His first wife had an affair and he has big fears and angry feelings around the topic of “other men/other women.” He himself is a very faithful and loyal man, and I’m certain he is not into any other women.

    How do I present this in a way that he can hear? That he won’t gut react out of anger? That will bring him closer? Pleeeease help…..



  437.  #437Smile on June 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

    (((lily)))

    There are lots of sirens on here who are good at giving suggestions on this area and I am sure you will get some good advice.

    I was in a relationship for 2 years and one day I just walked out because I felt so unable to say what I wanted without pushing him away.

    I have learnt so much and I’m growing in confidence all the time at not stuffing my feelings and letting them out in different unattractive ways but it takes time.



  438.  #438Smile on June 23, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Your script sounds great to me. I would maybe just offer the first part then see what he says. You may not need to use the 2nd bit if he steps up.



  439.  #439Femininewoman on June 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

    RG I just avoid potatoes now when I am cleansing or rebuilding. I read somewhere recently that coconut oil could be used to replace butter so I am planning to try it soon with bread’ celery sticks and apples.



  440.  #440Smile on June 23, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Maybe start it saying things good about your relationship



  441.  #441Femininewoman on June 23, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Lily Medusa you simply can’t until you are totally comfortable doing so



  442.  #442Smile on June 23, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Lily have you read roris ebook?



  443.  #443Sassy on June 23, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Linda, I feel and understand your pain. I do believe strongly in the Law of Attraction and with that as a guide, I have become very specific in what I want in and from a man. I’m not talking about looks, I’m talking about characteristics and personality traits. I don’t know where, when or how, but he IS out there, and he’s on his way to me. I probably have to get myself more together and I am working hard on that.
    Emerson, you sound like you’re in the same place I was with JT. But I’m trying to get past it and face the truth about him and learn the lesson he brought to me.
    All sirens that have health issues…find a really good chiropractor. The nervous system controls all of your body functions and as such, Chiros are trained to treat and diagnose your system based on the nervous system.
    Granted, there are some bad ones out there, but if you find one that is thorough in their exam, doesn’t try to push you for every test they are allowed to perform or want you to come in multiple times a week for a never ending period of time…you may be surprised at how much help they can be.



  444.  #444Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

    ((Smile)) I am glad you got out of the bad relationship! It sounds like you are a strong woman. Rori has helped me so much too. Yay for Rori!

    Femininewoman – I am intrigued by your comment. Why do you say I shouldn’t do it until I am totally comfortable? Could I cause something bad to happen? I suppose I could get more comfortable by listening to Rori…



  445.  #445Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Oh yes, I have the eBook and Modern Siren (loooove them both!!!!)



  446.  #446Smile on June 23, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Unfortunately for me I made the same mistakes in the next relationship. I hope ive not ruined it forever but im living in the moment and taking a step at a time with whatever comes. Now I feel stronger than ever!

    I’ve practised feeling messages everywhere with everyone. I’ve always had boundaries but only now can I be confident to use them when it really matters i get it right. Maybe this is something to do with femininewomans advice…



  447.  #447Starla on June 23, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Wowwie I am on a roller coaster today. Almost texted CF, “I am missing you terribly. When you’re ready to be in touch again, I will feel happy to hear from you.”

    I’m not going to, though. Must. Resist. Day 14 NC:)

    Now I am at a coffee shop I really like and I’m feeling much better.



  448.  #448Smile on June 23, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Good idea to put your text on here instead Starla.
    I know the texting feeling all to well! keep swimming lol !
    Enjoy your coffee xx



  449.  #449Emerson on June 23, 2012 at 11:25 am

    (((Lily Medusa)))



  450.  #450Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Hi Sirens!! 🙂

    CurvySiren…yay!!! I feel soooo happy for you!!! 🙂 that is awesome 🙂



  451.  #451Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 11:27 am

    ((((Starla))))



  452.  #452Smile on June 23, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Reminder to self – Lean back smile, keep leaning back.



  453.  #453Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 11:34 am

    ReceivingGirl…I love all the input you’ve been given already concerning your new food choices…I am one who does not do well on grains either…even oatmeal I’ve realized..

    I do the coconut oil (unrefined organic cold pressed) too with everything… I even cook my eggs in it..yum!

    But my new favorite breakfast is berries (blueberries, blackberries and raspberries) with homemade almond milk (I soak one cup of almonds over night, then add 3 dates, a splash of vanilla flavoring, then blend in my vitamix and YUM!!) and then I add fresh ground flaxseeds…that is pretty filling PLUS I feel like it’s a SUPER skin cleansing, body glowing breakfast. Because the food still has all it’s enzymes and is “live”.



  454.  #454Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Smile – We all make the same mistakes multiple times, it’s okay! I think Rori said in Modern Siren that even she stresses about her relationship sometimes after 20 years – I feel comforted about that, because I’m fairly confident that Rori’s marriage is probably AMAZING.

    It’s great that we women can make use of how short men’s memories are. You can make mistake after mistake with a guy, but as long as he is still in front of you, if you get into your feminine energy RIGHT NOW, then “Right Now” is all he will think of as being “The Relationship.” As Rori has said, men don’t see relationships as a culmination of all the moments ever. We women do that. Men see relationships as a bunch of “right now’s” strung together. That’s why being a Siren in the moment can turn a relationship around immediately.

    Keep working the Tools and stay in Strong Surrender – your man will totally respond. You have not ruined it! If he is a decent guy and he is still in front of you, I’d be willing to bet you can turn your situation around.

    Saying how I feel is still scary for me! It takes courage… and yet I feel so good when I do it despite my fear. I mess it up too, plenty. I’m happy that I’ve got a great man and friends and loved ones who support me.

    Thanks for responding!



  455.  #455Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 11:36 am

    smile…your posts feel really good to read 🙂



  456.  #456Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Awwww, thanks Emerson! (((Emerson)))



  457.  #457Starla on June 23, 2012 at 11:38 am

    grrrr, i had a laser hair removal appointment, just went there and the office is totally closed down! wtf? I often go on saturdays. The place is just totally deserted. And they left all their expensive products out… I hope no one thinks to steal from them.



  458.  #458Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Sassy…I also believe strongly in the law of attraction and I just have to tell you that I am with the man of my dreams….EVERYTHING I have always wanted (even in the looks department and body type)! And it keeps on getting better and better! Yay…I am excited for you!



  459.  #459Starla on June 23, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I had a gut feeling there was going to be a problem with my appointment today. My gut feelings… I trust them more than ever now. Which is why it’s so hard not to go chase CF down. My gut tells me to keep trying with him. But sometimes our gut feelings are the product of unfortunate conditioning.

    *pout*



  460.  #460Femininewoman on June 23, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Lily Medusa I have come to realized that when you are uncomfortable asking for something it kinda comes across in your vibe like you don’t think you deserve so people are not prone to give you what you want. They are more likely to do so when you come across as confidently deserving it.



  461.  #461Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 11:53 am

    (((Lily)))

    Wow!! yes 4 years is long enough…and the first thing that comes to my mind is maybe getting to a place where you would be ok “with him” or “without him”. Being willing to walk away if you don’t have the relationship you want.

    So bringing it back to YOU and how you feel and NOT worrying about his response…you want to be authentic and vulnerable and open…but you won’t be able to IF you are worried about his reaction.



  462.  #462Femininewoman on June 23, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Jilly remember the blades of the Vitamix are very sharp. Keep your hands away



  463.  #463Starla on June 23, 2012 at 11:57 am

    (((FW’s fingers)))))



  464.  #464Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Emerson @424…

    This totally makes sense…your depression and your wanting to go out and make things happen…I’m not sure if you are familiar with Dr. Paul Dobransky’s? work…Femininewoman posted a link to him…but he talks about how depression in women is related to feminine courage…meaning that once you begin taking courageous action…the depression seems to dissolve…I just thought that was interesting…



  465.  #465Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    awwww…((((Femininewoman))))) yes thank you for the reminder!! I am super careful and actually thought of you the other day and how scary that would have felt. Did you have a Vitamix??



  466.  #466Smile on June 23, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Thanks lily! Good advice!

    Thanks jilly! Makes me feel good 

    I feel good der ner ner ner, so good der der, so good!



  467.  #467Emerson on June 23, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    453 Lilly Medusa thank you for this post…it really resonates with me and such great things to keep in mind…very encouraging.

    459 FW this is so true which makes me wonder if this has to do with why my work situation is tanking…how do I flip my outlook is the question!!!??
    I THINK that I think I deserve it, but maybe deep down I don’t??? And it’s manifesting. Eek I don’t know. (((FW fingers)))



  468.  #468ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    @452 Jilly

    That drink sounds delicious! Yes, I use coconut oil for all my cooking stuff too. I use olive oil in my breakfast smoothies.

    Is flax meal and ground flax seeds the same thing?



  469.  #469ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Curvy – I will look up nutriblasts

    (((Lily)))



  470.  #470Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Lily…easier said than done I know! 🙂

    I like what you said at the beginning…

    I’m just going to tweak it for what I would say…

    “I felt weird when you told [your buddy] that we’re not thinking about getting married right now. I’m just a girl and I want marriage.”

    “I don’t want to pressure you to do anything you’re not ready for… but I don’t want to be in a relationship that is not moving forward. It doesn’t feel good to me. … What do you think?”

    and then he can say what he wants…AND then if it doesn’t feel good, then say the part about you wanting to keep your options open..that’s what I would do.

    feel free to disregard if this doesn’t resonate 🙂



  471.  #471Smile on June 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Any one read anything good about creating attraction…?



  472.  #472Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    ReceivingGirl…actually it’s like cereal lol…I LOVE milk and cereal!!! So I just replaced the milk with my homemade almond milk..and the cereal is my berries and ground flaxseeds and I put crushed pecans in it too 🙂

    hmmm…that’s a good question…I think flax meal is ground really really fine (not positive on that)…and I heard flax seeds once ground go rancid quickly so I just keep mine whole in the fridge and grind them right before I use them (I grind them with my coffee grinder)



  473.  #473ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    I took a beautiful walk on this nature path that follows the river for about an hour. I needed to get out and exercise, get some fresh air and some sun. There was a double rainbow and then a rainbow that went in a circle around the sun. It was pretty cool, I took some pictures on my phone, but it’s hard to really see it. You have to really look.

    As I was walking, I remembered today is the 23rd and it’s Mr. Observant’s son’s graduation party. I hope it all goes well, considering everything that is going on with his bipolar and his divorce.

    I’m sending out good, happy vibes his way.

    (((Graduation party)))



  474.  #474Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Jilly,
    I love your tweaks. I will use them, exactly like that. Thank you!!!! I feel good about that!



  475.  #475ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    @471 Jilly

    OH!! 🙂 So, how much flax seed do you use?

    I was curious because I ran out of flax seeds, but I do have some ground flax meal. I use it in place of breadcrumbs for cooking.



  476.  #476Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Femininewoman 459,

    Wow, I can see your point. That makes a lot of sense. I will keep that in mind.

    Jilly,
    I also appreciate your suggestion that I get to a point where I can feel good with or without him. Wise words.

    Thanks, lovely women, for your wisdom and support! I feel stronger. It feels like growing taller and standing solid. I am so glad I found this blog!



  477.  #477ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Jilly, I reread what you wrote. I thought you blended all of it together…now I see you were just blending the almond milk.

    I’m going to try FW’s suggestion of staying away from nuts, so I will try it with some coconut milk.



  478.  #478Smile on June 23, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Jilly @ 469

    This would be easier to remember too!



  479.  #479Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Lily…yay!!!! 🙂

    ReceivingGirl…I use 1 tablespoon 🙂 and that’s a great breadcrumb replacer 🙂



  480.  #480ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    I found an article regarding fungus.

    http://www.bioactivenutrients.com/news/learn-more-fungus/110

    My medication is an anti-malarial drug and on here it says olive leaf extract has been used to treat malaria. I wonder if it would also be effective for me. Hmmm.



  481.  #481Smile on June 23, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Femininewoman re advice @ 470? I feel you are the queen at reposting some good advice articles you have read. Seen anything of interest in this department?



  482.  #482Lily Medusa on June 23, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Smile,
    I’m assuming you have read The Law of Attraction – it’s essential, of course. I’m also a fan of the Power of Positive Thinking books by Norman Vincent Peale. There is one story in there about a woman who felt her husband slipping away from her. He had gotten involved with another woman and asked her for a divorce. The woman asked if she could have 90 days before they divorced, and if he still wanted to be divorced at that time she would comply. Every evening when he went out, the woman visualized her husband sitting in his old chair in the room with her, as he used to do in the evenings. Then one evening, the husband actually was there, sitting in the chair! They got closer and closer as she continued to visualize them together, and by the 90th day their marriage was stronger than it had ever been. Needless to say, he broke it off with the other woman and they stayed married.

    I used this technique when I wanted to get back with my J this January, and it totally worked. Now I spend time every day visualizing what I want, things that bring me positive emotion. I am pleased and thrilled to say I have begun to see plenty of it manifesting!

    Visualizing what I want has become extremely powerful for me because it gives me the mental and emotional experience of having what I want, even if what I’m visualizing seems unattainable to my rational mind. The experience of believing I have it, even if it’s only for 15 minutes of focus, opens up my consciousness so I can allow that thing in.

    And of course, practice Rori’s visualization tools. Don’t just read them, really practice them! They work!!!



  483.  #483Smile on June 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Hmm flax seed… Coconut milk… These are all new things to me. I will have to see how available they are in the supermarket, it sounds delicious!

    I feel guilty for my Chinese takeaway… Not I don’t… Yes I do… Not I don’t… It was a yummy treat!



  484.  #484Sassy on June 23, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    457-Thanks, Jilly. I love reading the happy stories!!!

    ((((Starla))))
    ((((FW Fingers ))))
    ((((Lily Medusa ))))
    ((((Linda ))))
    ((((Emerson ))))
    (((( all sirens ))))

    To our happiness



  485.  #485Smile on June 23, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Thanks lily this is really useful, I feel my next learning step lies in this area. I shall check all this out!

    I feel hopeful.

    Let us know how you get on with your speech if when you feel it’s the right time!



  486.  #486Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Lily…I LOVE that 🙂 I’m a big fan 🙂 I’ve been manifesting like crazy this year….wahoo!!

    Smile…don’t feel guilty silly…I bet it felt delicious!!! 😉

    ReceivingGirl…yes do what feels best for you! 🙂 peanuts are definitely fungal…most other nuts when soaked for 12 hrs are sprouted and the body can then digest and absorb the “live enzymes”….just some food for thought 😉 …I think you are on the right track for healthy skin, glowing body loving eating 😉



  487.  #487Jilly on June 23, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Curvy…I have not heard of nutriblasts…i’m going to look it up right now 🙂



  488.  #488Starla on June 23, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I have fallen into a bit of a funk indeed today. however, i am counting my blessings that it’s just an up and down thing. Some moments I feel very happy. This is a huge improvement over how it used to be when I got depressed. The other thing I am doing is just faking it ’till I make it. I am really starting to love social media, because I can directly “put it out there” when I have a positive thought or blessing to acknowledge.

    Jilly, Lily Medusa, I feel so interested in law of attraction for partners/love. I know I am operating in a scarcity mentality right now. I would like to shift this.



  489.  #489Starla on June 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    aw, now this guy I had a MEGA crush on in college is IMing me and asking me to see a movie with him. That is actually the second man to ask me out to the movies today.



  490.  #490ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    @482 Smile

    No feeling guilty! 🙂

    I had take out last night too. But, tomorrow is my start day.



  491.  #491Smile on June 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Jilly- it sure did! So did the accompanying beer lol!



  492.  #492CurvySiren10 on June 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Jilly, thanks for the congrats. It’s very exciting! I am absolutely loving this nutriblast thing. It’s really no more than a “green smoothie”, but this machine really pulverizes the seeds and makes it all very creamy…so much better than a blender. But you have a vitamix, so I imagine it would be just fine in there. I’m very interested in making my own almond milk now that I have this. It feels so good to eat well and take care of my body this way. It feels my soul as well.

    SO happy for you and Rugbyman!! I just grin when I read your updates. 🙂



  493.  #493Smile on June 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Starla- and shift it you will!



  494.  #494CurvySiren10 on June 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    FEEDS, not feels. lol I really need to proofread before I hit submit!!



  495.  #495Smile on June 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Receiving girl- yey for the takeaways!



  496.  #496CurvySiren10 on June 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    starla, are you going to break the dating fast to go out with this guy?

    love your new fb pic. you have a real glow about you. i think you are doing some serious healing/growing with this whole cf thing. so happy and proud of how you’re handling it…



  497.  #497Smile on June 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Starla @ 488 looks like you’ve shifted it all ready! 2 movie dates WOWZA!



  498.  #498Starla on June 23, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    It’s not going to be a “date,” unless he leads us there specifically, and then I’ll just see how it feels. I’m going to rockstar my way through these encounters for now. He is one of the higher quality guys to ask me out lately, but still not at that level I’m seeking (he has left both of his babies’ mamas, one very recently after the baby was just born). He asked when I’m free and I said probably not till next weekend, and he was actually okay with that! I’m being careful not to rearrange my schedule for any of these guys, as that would defeat the purpose of the dating strike. I just put on my facebook status last night that I’m not interested in dating right now and he ‘liked’ it, so he is probably going to have fun with the challenge:P



  499.  #499ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    @481 Lily Medusa

    Which Law of Attraction book? Who is the author?



  500.  #500ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Mr. Observant & I discussed the Laws of Attraction, The Secret, we both agree it’s a pretty logical way of thinking. I felt really surprised he watched The Secret.



  501.  #501Femininewoman on June 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Yes Jilly I have a Vitamix



  502.  #502Starla on June 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Haha I gave him my number, and he’s texting me “just to let you know I saved it!” I sent back a smiley and he said “Yayyyyyyyy lol”

    Yes, I like these kinds of guys. The ones that aren’t afraid to tell you they’re happy you’re giving them the time of day.



  503.  #503Starla on June 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    dang, he is really excited to have gotten my number (silly boy, he had it in college) and my MAYBE about the movies. i feel wanted.



  504.  #504ReceivingGirl on June 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    This is an interesting method for washing your face using oils. She has a new article using coconut oil in place of the olive oil.

    http://www.highonhealth.org/why-you-need-to-start-using-the-oil-cleansing-method-ocm/