When You’re The Angry One – Here’s Some Help

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The Question:

“I have been with a man for two years now we were engaged to be married almost for a year and then he broke up with me because I have a bad temper and say things that hurt him even though I promised him to change and asked him to give me some time but he doesn’t want to wait anymore.

I am living with him in one apartment, I have no job he has been supporting me for a while by end of September I am supposed to move out because our lease expires and he is looking for an apartment to move in to.

I tried to talk to him several times and showed him that I can controle myself and that I have changed but he keeps telling me that he is not sure I have changed for food and if I can change for good… we have broken up last May so we are still living together practically for 2 months and a half.

I was devastated when it first happened because he was the one who kept pushing for me to fall in love w him and be his partner and after we got engaged we moved from our home country to our next home Canada where we both did not have a job and we were stressed out but after 3 months he found a job and I found one after 5 months but was laid off because of Covid 19 so I am looking for a job now.

But I do not have much money to rent an apartment and be on my own and I am not able to find a job, I can’t understand how he has it in his heart after all the love he had for me to leave me like this especially knowing my financial situation he said I am his responsibility and that he wants to take care of me when we were together. BTW he has been divorced twice and was engaged once he also had several relationships. Please help me

Coach Lee Ann Lamar’s Answer:

Hi Nada,

I can feel your fear and pain in this situation and I get how frightening this is for you.

Anger can be a beautiful emotion, full of power and passion, and yet when it’s thrown on someone else, very destructive.

This is not about controlling your anger….it’s about feeling it in your body and loving it, without attack on yourself or another person.

We get triggered by something and think it’s about the other person and yet it’s not.
There’s some need in you that wants attention from you…

I want you to see your anger as a train….

You’re on the platform and see this anger train….

Sometimes my anger train looks like an old steam engine belching black smoke and sometimes it’s a speeding bullet train….

What does it look like inside?

Really feel what it feels like in your body to be on that train.

What do you want to do?

Across the platform is another train….the love train.

What does it look like inside and out?

How would it feel to get off this anger train and move into the love train?

I would invite you to take some time alone, sitting quietly and soften your shoulders, breathe down into your pelvis and imagine your heart opening up like a flower.

Drop your thoughts down into your pelvis and breathe…

From your pelvis and open heart, ask yourself what you need….not the story around it, simply – “What do I need from myself right now?”

“How can I meet this need I have by myself?”

When you’re feeling triggered towards anger, take a breath and open your heart.

You can say to your man, “ I’m feeling triggered and angry right now and this isn’t your fault. I love you and need some time to process my feelings.”

Go and be by yourself, get into your body and feel all your feelings.

How would it feel to take ownership of your own anger and not put it on your man?

I know for me, at first, it felt scary and strange and yet, it will build attraction with a man as he sees you expressing your feelings without blaming him.

This work is an inside job – accessing our feelings, being aware of our triggers and feeling all these emotions and then expressing them in front of a man – this is where the magic of magnetic attraction happens.

If you would like to get my free ebook on Real Love, please pop over to my website and download it.

It will help you with more tools to get in touch with your feelings and ways to strengthen your relationship.

Lots of love to you,
Lee Ann

You can find Lee Ann and pick up her free “Real Love guide” here, at LeeAnnLamar.com ->

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