Who’s Pushing Your Shopping Cart Of Love?

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Here’s a letter from Maggie – who’s suffering with one of the most common situations in love we’ve all faced:

“Rori, I thought I was doing really well with the guy I had been dating for three months. I had been applying your steps and tools. We had a marvelous time every time we were together. I’ve totally allowed him to be the pursuer, and there’s much evidence that we had established an emotional bond. But now it appears I have been dumped.

Last Friday night, I used step two (and kept my heart open) because I sensed some withdrawal on his part. He was physically distant with me so I just stayed physically distant with him. Nevertheless, we had a great dinner together and enjoyed watching a movie. Then at the end of the evening, he kissed me and hugged me and I certainly felt feelings of warmth from him.

Saturday afternoon he called. First he told me about this fancy dessert he was making to take to a party (that I was not invited to). Then he talked about what a wonderful time he had with me Friday night. Then he said he didn’t want a relationship because he had an internal conflict that had nothing to do with me. He said that I had given him lots of space so that’s not the problem. I said that I felt sad because I like him very much and have really enjoyed being with him. He said he likes me very much and really enjoys being with me, and he wants to continue doing things with me. I have not heard from him since.

I’m very upset. Is there hope for this relationship or should I consider it a lost cause? Don’t worry-I won’t contact him in any way. I did not initiate calls with him even when all was well.

Thanks, Maggie”

My Answer:


First – it sounds to me like you’re doing BRILLIANTLY. Just keep up with the feeling messages, and opening yourself up as much as possible.

So – here’s my question – what about the Circular Dating?

Dating works like this:


So dating 3, 4, 5 men at a time is the way to go. The 3 month mark is the huge moment – a relationship either becomes REAL or it goes away.

He wasn’t ready to make it real, and my guess is that it just wasn’t a fit, something was going on with him, etc – and you found out now, before it was too late.

When you’re dating a bunch of men at one time, they come and go until one sticks, and you never get stuck on one. Does that make sense? It really keeps you sane.

And in Circular Dating – there is no such word as “dumped” because you never got exclusive in the first place!

Also, it helps with the sex thing – because obviously a guy who knows you’re “dating” him and other men too would be less likely to demand sex – it’s a very powerful position to be in for you.

Here’s something else that might help – I often send my clients to Pole Dancing classes (like Heather in my Commitment Blueprint program conducts). In your city I’m sure you can find one – either the big-time S Factor, or a local stripper who’s giving classes.

It’s VERY helpful in breaking down the physical, emotional armor we women carry around with us, and it will help you open up. (Belly Dancing is an option – but it just doesn’t work as well – you don’t want to dance, you want to expose yourself and revel in your own body and movement.

I also send clients to Tantric Sex teachers for women, to women’s workshops, and to Tinque.

This Isn’t About Sex – It’s About Opening Your Heart

…and we ALL find that challenging. Keep watching and listening to the programs over and over and over, do all the Tools all the time, and you’ll see things happen, I promise.

Essentially – lifelong partnership with a man isn’t something you go into “lightly.” Most thoughtful men will need a bit of time to make a decision.

And until one MAKES the decision to bind himself to you – you are, essentially – shopping!

The thing is – YOU are in the CART!!!

And – there should be more than one man PUSHING your cart at a time.

The decision to ask every other man to stop pushing and leading and being with you except one you’ve chosen is a BIG one.  And it’s YOUR choice!

The more you practice being in this state of mind, and then dealing with all the emotional parts of you that show up when you start thinking and feeling like a Modern Siren is when the magic happens.

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 7:11 am

    I have stopped pushing.

  2.  #2Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 7:17 am

    obviously a guy who knows you’re “dating” him and other men too would be less likely to demand sex – it’s a very powerful position to be in for you.

    Love love love this.

  3.  #3muskan on September 15, 2011 at 7:51 am

    ” MEN COME AND GO” the most important, true and difficult part to understand and execute.

  4.  #4Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 7:57 am

    muskan I am in a place now where I accept that there is nothing to execute because nothing I do can stop them from coming or going. They make their choices based on their feelings.

  5.  #5Daria on September 15, 2011 at 9:34 am

    wow ! i will practice dancing in front of a man

    i ahve been turning it down because i felt shy

    yeah wow go me! thank you Rori

  6.  #6ANA on September 15, 2011 at 9:37 am

    But what happens if he doesn’t like the idea of you dating other guys and he starts dating other women too? Is that acceptable?

  7.  #7Starla on September 15, 2011 at 9:54 am

    This is just what I needed (as usual, hehe)

  8.  #8Starla on September 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Feeling depressed and stupid today

    Like a piece of sh*t






    What happened?

  9.  #9Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

    No Ana it is not acceptable but he will do it unless you make it clear why it is okay for you to do it but not for him.

  10.  #10Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Got this from one of CCarter’s emails

    It’s a “natural tension” and challenge of not having CONTROL and uncertainty that creates strong ATTRACTION in men.

    For men, approval-seeking behavior KILLS the spark that comes from the uncertainty of not knowing exactly how the women he’s with is going to think and act.

    You lose respect because you know you can CONTROL him. There’s nothing that triggers more intense “long-term” attraction in a healthy and mature
    man, than a woman who he CAN’T control and doesn’t get thrown off-center when her needs aren’t met.


    Be strong and assertive, but warm and gentle at the same time.
    Say, “I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends. This is why I’m not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way.”
    If you can say this in a way that doesn’t include BLAME or guilt or pressure from you, the response a man will give will be MAGICAL.
    He’ll open up and meet you at the level of honesty and respect you’re coming at him with.
    And as tough and as “bitchy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, this is exactly what you need to say to a man if you really want
    something more with him.

  11.  #11Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 10:18 am

    From a Rori email

    The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.
    For now, try this:
    When you’re feeling “negative,” and you’re afraid your “vibe” will push a man away – notice what you do – notice if you start TALKING (what so many of us women do when we’re uncomfortable).
    Notice if you start all of a sudden getting “cheerful.”
    Notice if you suddenly start trying to make things “okay” in your mind and smile.
    Notice if you move TOWARD him – touch him, talk to him – in an effort to make the “bad” feelings go away.
    And then stop yourself. DON’T DO what you INSTINCTIVELY want to do to feel better.
    There’s a MUCH better way to feel better.
    SINKING IN feels like this: It feels like you just “give up.” You just give up on trying to hold back the feeling.
    Usually – when we stop holding back, all kinds of things happen – most often with results that aren’t what we wanted. It’s like a rubber band you’ve been pulling and pulling apart until it reaches maximum tension and then you let go and SNAP – it flies (and usually hits our man right in the face).
    So try this: instead of “letting go” and letting fly, hang onto yourself in a simple way – don’t DO anything – just give up trying to hold it back. This way, the “rubber band” just returns to its limp, graceful shape without a reaction that creates a whole new set of issues and moments and feelings for you to deal with.
    As you “go limp” and “give up” you’ll feel a whole bunch of things loosen in your body. Your shoulders will drop down, and what might have felt like an iron grip around your heart will lighten up a bit.
    Now, let’s say you – like I was – are stuck in a car, or in a restaurant, or in a room with your man, and you can feel your resistance tightening in your shoulders and in your heart, and you feel like talking to relieve the pressure.
    Step 1 – You notice what’s happening.
    Step 2 – You do NOTHING
    Step 3 – You FEEL whatever feelings you’re feeling, give up trying to hold the feelings back, and sink into them – as though those feelings are your deepest friends (they are).
    Step 4 – Now you use Feeling Messages to communicate with your man, and we’ll talk about that next.

  12.  #12Starla on September 15, 2011 at 10:20 am

    I’m just still grieving Dan’s death. I realized that just now. It’s making everything feel like under a magnifying glass.

  13.  #13Starla on September 15, 2011 at 10:22 am

    If I spend every few minutes in the bathroom crying, so be it. I’ll get through today

  14.  #14Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 10:28 am

    ((((Hugs)))) Starla

  15.  #15Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 10:30 am

    Letter that comes with the Interview with Relationship Experts, Rori says

    “next month’s interview – a very different kind of interview – with Dr. Gian Gonzaga who’s the Senior Director of Research and Development at eHarmony. In the interview he not only lays out statistics about what men want and what makes relationships work – we focus on compatiblility. What exactly compatibility means how it works, and how you can use the techniques they use at eHarmony to get the match and relatioship you want.

  16.  #16Daria on September 15, 2011 at 10:35 am

    aww from my video CD last nite:

    Baby I know u sleep but I miss u so much I can’t stop thinking bout u. Call me when u can .
    Poem I just made for my Romanian princess. 🙂 I want to be inside u physically and mentally, your voice is like the pleasant sound of a symphony. Your smile is like the brightest star, you may be gon but not too far. On day I hope we get to meet,ill pedal roses all over your feet.

  17.  #17alias girl on September 15, 2011 at 11:20 am

    “And in Circular Dating – there is no such word as “dumped” because you never got exclusive in the first place!”

    brilliant. brilliant, i tell you.

  18.  #18Starla on September 15, 2011 at 11:41 am

    16 Daria, that’s sweet:)

  19.  #19Senior Lady Vibe on September 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Hello world, I’m thankful for the miracle.



  20.  #20Starla on September 15, 2011 at 11:45 am

    14 FW, thank you for the hugs. I would kill for a real hug right now, too! I’d ask my coworkers, but I’m the only woman that works here soooooo maybe not so much hehe

  21.  #21Tmizz on September 15, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Oop. Just noticed there’s a new post. I’m reposting this from the previous thread. It’s an interesting article I got from a friend…


    written by a man!


    “Acts of gaslighting steal [women’s] most powerful tool: their voice.”

    (But, to be fair, it is not only men who gaslight women. It can go the other way, too – and it can happen in family relationships also.)

  22.  #22Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Here are the 3 most common fears I discovered along with their remedies.

    1) He fears not being able to make you happy

    This fear is that he can’t make a woman happy in a relationship. Men get a lot of their self-esteem from the ability to make the woman of their choice happy. He will measure a woman’s happiness by the emotional responses he gets. I’ve heard many women say to their man, “Oh, I like what you did,” but there was no emotion in their response. She could have just as easily said, “The sky is blue.” When he doesn’t feel he can make you happy……he’ll become discouraged and eventually quit trying.

    What to do: Rather than pretend you like something you don’t, there is a simpler solution. Even if it seems
    silly, show your emotion when you are pleased. I don’t care if it feels silly to you, because it doesn’t to him. Even more I want you to train him to be attentive to the sound of your voice. When he feels he can make
    you happy, he’ll try harder and more often to do things that produce what he desires most – your smile and affection.

    2) He fears being powerless

    This fear is about him worrying that he cannot influence you, and you are out of control. Being in a
    relationship with a woman who won’t stop (drinking, spending money, having affairs, etc.) is the primary
    reason why men are cautious about marriage. Attraction is what makes him want to date you. How much you allow him to influence you is what makes him want to marry you and adore you when you’re his wife. It’s not that you’re going to hurt him…it’s that you could.

    What to do: Don’t focus on trying to be perfect. It’s not only a waste of time; it actually isn’t very attractive beyond a first date. Instead focus on admitting when you’re wrong as soon as possible. If you’re not wrong, then stand by your principles. But don’t be stubborn simply because you don’t want to be told what to do. That quality may make you feel strong, but over time it can make a man end the relationship.

    3) He fears he isn’t enough

    This one is often the hardest one for women to notice, but every man has this fear. Some show it often, while others never admit to this fear. This is why most men feel a strong drive to produce and accomplish things. It validates their masculinity. Men need to prove to themselves that they are strong, competent and in control of their environment. Yet, regardless of a man’s talent, there will always be circumstances that catch him off guard, and he will experience doubts about his masculine power.

    What to Do: Most women try and comfort a man when they see that he is discouraged. That is often not
    helpful. Even though your intentions are good, that isn’t what he needs. Instead focus on his ability to
    overcome his problem. Use this as a guide. When you see him upset or overwhelmed by a problem, find a way to say, “I know you can fix this. I don’t know how, but I do know you.”

    If you say that, or something like that to a man that is discouraged, you may not get an immediate reaction
    or he may even dismiss your compliment. But I promise, he’ll feel it. It’s what he was hoping someone would say. As a result, he’ll feel a special devotion to you, the woman who knew just the right thing to say when he had doubts.

    Sponsor: Text The Romance Back – As Seen On The Rachel Ray Show

    Normally I tell women to avoid texting. After listening to this video, I will make an exception in this case. Michael actually understands men and his method of texting is actually very powerful way to awaken a man’s passion. See For Yourself!

    Bob Grant

  23.  #23Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 12:04 pm

  24.  #24Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    I canʼt stop thinking about . . .”
    And he responded with something like . . .
    “About what?”
    Again, thereʼs not much else he COULD HAVE responded with, which is why I like curiosity texts like that so much. Theyʼre a way for you to CONTROL the conversation and take charge without having to have a million different responses ready.
    Once he responds itʼs time for you to interrupt all the boring thoughts that are running through his head (“Whereʼs that damn TPS report? I have to pick up the kids at soccer. Whatʼs on TV tonight?”)
    So, once he replies you say . . .
    “How safe I feel when Iʼm around you . . .”
    “The flutter that goes through me when we kiss.”
    “How amazing it makes me feel when you look at me.”
    Notice how in all of these weʼre giving him POWER. Youʼre talking about how something relatively innocuous that he does causes a wonderful effect in you that you canʼt resist.
    If youʼre feeling advanced, here are a few other options you can try.
    The key is to be as SPECIFIC as possible . . .
    “The way you smell. Thereʼs something about it that just . . . Hee. I get shivers just thinking about it.”
    “How happy I am that Iʼm yours.”
    Got it?
    Nothing complicated here. Weʼre really just establishing his power and strength and showing appreciation for him as a man. It sounds really simple, but youʼll be amazed at how just these simple actions really can do wonders for your man. By making him feel good about himself and your relationship youʼll find him suddenly motivated to reciprocate and give you the romance and attention you deserve.
    That brings us to . . .
    Step 3: “What Youʼve Earned”
    OK, so so far weʼve used curiosity to get his attention and have used what I call a “Subtle Power” text to give him a compliment and establish his strength and power.
    (Remember, men need to feel like theyʼre in charge.) Weʼre sneakily taking advantage of that with our choice of language.)
    After your second text, he may respond in one of a couple of different ways. Itʼs totally possible that heʼll suddenly flood you with texts of his own as he takes the bait and takes charge of the situation.
    If he does, itʼs important that you give him POSITIVE reinforcement (even if he doesnʼt say EXACTLY what you want him to.)
    If he doesnʼt grab the wheel, itʼs time to bring out the big guns.
    In our third text weʼre going to use the SINGLE MOST POWERFUL WORD IN THE WORLD and the principal of “anticipation” to put a huge smile on his face and have him plotting romantic thoughts for the rest of the day.
    Weʼre going to use the word imagine to engage his mind on a primal level and have him literally craving you wherever he is.
    Got it?
    So our little text conversation so far is something like . . .
    YOU: “I canʼt stop thinking about . . . “
    HIM: “About what?”
    YOU: “About how good I feel when Iʼm around you. =-)”
    (The little smiley is optional.)
    HIM: “Really?”
    YOU: “Iʼm sitting here and all I can do is imagine itʼs going to feel when I see you tonight.”
    The Word IMAGINE is like the nuclear bomb of texting.
    Itʼs actually really hard for the human brain to read the word “imagine” without IMMEDIATELY imagining what it is youʼre talking about.
    (Try not to imagine a pink elephant. =-))
    And even though youʼre talking about what YOU are going to feel (because guys have a much harder time talking about feelings in general), it causes HIM to imagine what itʼs going to feel like when he sees you as well.
    Of course you can mix it up if you want to.
    I recommend you follow this up with something like . . .
    “Counting down the moments until I get to see you again.”
    And thatʼs really The 3 Magic Texts In a nut shell.
    Step 1: Curiosity
    Step 2: Establish that heʼs powerful/attractive and makes you feel good.
    Step 3: Use an “Imagine” text to have him thinking about the future and how great itʼs going to be when he sees you.

  25.  #25Ella on September 15, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Hey Sireny Sirens,

    Its my birthday today.

    I have had a lovely day and now just at home relaxing with a nice glass of wine and cooking myself a yummy dinner.

    Feeling blessed.


  26.  #26Daria on September 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Hey ella ! happy birthday… you go 🙂

  27.  #27Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Happy Happy birthday Ella. So many Sept girls. Happy to see you enjoying your day.

  28.  #28Daria on September 15, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    thank you Daria for washing my hair

    thank you for shaving my legs

    thank you for showering me

    thank you for getting me yummy food and natural cleaners

    thank you for making me food today

    thank you for working out for me!


  29.  #29Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    The “Should I Be Friends With My Ex” Answer From Orna And Matthew Walters:
    Dear Kirsten,

    One of the biggest mistakes people make when breaking up is to try to remain friends. The reason this is a bad idea is that it is not a mutual relationship. From what you’ve written we would guess that you wanted the relationship to continue. However, he did not – whatever his ‘reasons’. Remaining friends only keeps the wound of the break up open. Every time you connect with him you are re-opening that wound, not allowing it to heal.


  30.  #30Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    From CCarter
    Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #1

    Some men are too immature to be honest and straight forward with a woman.

    Sometimes men are just giving themselves ego strokes by flirting with you, even though they never really thought they’d call.

    But they get your number anyway to feel good and to have it “just in case” they get some random urge or reason to call you in the future.

    Plus, getting a woman’s number is a kind of “trophy” to show to other immature men.

    Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #2

    They were just looking for a hook-up, and you weren’t “fling” material (which is a good thing – unless that’s all you’re looking for).

    Oftentimes, men think they just want a woman to be “physical” with.

    If you’re out at a club or a bar and you meet a man, often he’ll have “hooking up” on his mind.

    If you meet a guy like this and, in his eyes, you’re the girl he’d bring home to mom, then you might not be the girl he’ll want to spend his time with… at least for the near future.

    But in spite of this, he takes your number, in case he gets the crazy foreign idea in his head that he’d actually want a great girl for a real relationship.

    And guess what?

    He doesn’t come to that realization for a very long time – so he doesn’t call.

    I’m not saying it makes sense, but that’s how some men operate.

    And in a strange way, men who do this are doing you a favor at that time in their life.

    The timing wasn’t right.

    Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #3

    They thought they were being “polite” by getting your number, even though they never felt like calling.

    Have you ever given your number to a man who asked for it, but meanwhile you were already dreading his call and wishing inside that you had given him a fake number?


    And I know it sucks to think about this, but have you ever thought that the tables could be turned?

    See… if men enjoy their conversations with you but aren’t that interested, they sometimes feel a polite “obligation” to get your number.

    It’s a kind of way to end the interaction on a positive note… even though they never really thought about if they intended to call you.

    I know it stinks, but men aren’t often up front and assertive when it comes to the opposite sex.

    Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #4

    They lost your number or forgot to call. Plain and simple and that’s it.

    Ok, now let me ask you…

    Did you figure out what each of these situations has in common?

    I’ll give you a hint:

    It has something to do with your feelings. See, the fascinating thing is that in each of these situations, it’s YOUR CHOICE to make the MEANING out of them that you want.

    Here’s what I mean: it’s in your power to decide whether a man not calling you is a reflection of you as a person.

    And here’s the liberating truth: it’s not! You can decide to make positive or negative meaning out of any situation. In this case, decide that you’re not going to get caught up in the wrong guy – you’re opening the door for the guy who DOES want to call…over and over again.


    I know it seems like a lot is riding on the first time you meet a guy.

    After all, it’s from that meeting that he decides whether or not to call.

    Now, attraction doesn’t take place when a man thinks inside his mind, “Gee, she’s smart, cultured, well traveled, etc., I think I’m going to feel attracted to her.”

    That’s not how it works… just like that’s not how you become interested and attracted in men.

    What makes a man feel attracted is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE he has that a woman creates with him or guides him to.

    Attraction is largely a SUBCONSCIOUS FEELING that comes in response to the unexpected, the unpredictable, and the things that can’t help but draw us in to connect in an emotional way.

    So, how CAN you make sure that a man sees how amazing you are and why he should call you?

    In other words, how can you make the most of that first meeting so that a man wants MORE? Here’s how…


    Notice I said “exciting” reasons…

    Let’s start by talking about why the “reason” is so important… and then we’ll get into a specific example.

    The “reason” that you create for a man to reconnect with you is important because it builds the entire CONTEXT and MEANING in a man’s mind of how he thinks about you after he leaves…

    That reason you give is a large part of what determines, in his mind, HIS reason for calling, or not calling.

    If you want a man to call back, give him a “reason” that’s interesting, unpredictable, fun, etc.

    But most importantly, it’s got to be a reason that will make him FEEL ATTRACTION for you – something a little less predictable like:

    “Hey, since you’re going to Europe, if you’re good I’ll tell you a few secrets about what makes the French such great lovers…or great cooks… whichever you’re more curious about…”

    Now that’s sure to get a man’s attention…and keep it so that he’ll call you back.

    Notice that this still says everything you want to say to a man about wanting to connect with him again.

    But it does so in a fun, interesting, teasing, challenging, and unpredictable way that keeps him thinking about you and guessing.

    And, it does it without making him feel that you’re desperate to make sure that he’s going to call you.

    So, let me say it again…


  31.  #31Tmizz on September 15, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Happy Birthday, Ella!!! 🙂

  32.  #32AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Happy Birthday Ella!!! Yay, another year wiser, more beautiful, and one more year of knowledge under the belt. Celebrate you….and your life..Lots of Happy and positive thoughts. I hate when people think birthdays are just another day. They are special!! ..XOXO

  33.  #33Senior Lady Vibe on September 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    @481: English Woman says:
    “…#352 SLV
    Wow some crossed wires here!! It was my post not Susan’s and I was talking about ME.
    Wednesday, 14 September 2011 @ 11:11pm”

    I don’t know what you mean by “it was my post not Susan’s” when clearly the #352 post you refer to (see below) was my reply to “Susan’s” #294 post to ME. There is a photo avatar at #294. The username associated with #294 is “Susan”… so it was NOT YOUR post…unless “Susan” is another Rori persona that you use?

    Either way, the poster personally addressed me, typed out my username initials and attributed some phrases to me (even using quotation marks), negative things, things I had not written. Comment #294 was a mean thing to do and I didn’t like it.

    #352 is my post that was put into moderation. I then repeated the content in the second post but removed the offending word and substituted “battle” — not a perfect word choice but I didn’t spend time on it. Maybe “sniper fire” would have been a better description.


    352: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    @294: Susan says:
    “…RE: 282 SLV
    You said: “How do you STOP yourself saying the wrong thing?”

    No, I didn’t say or write that. I make a big attempt to share positive messages here and my own well considered suggestions when asked.

    “.. See I am one of those people who thinks very fast and sometimes it’s out of my mouth before I have given it a thought………”

    Nope, didn’t say that either.

    “…maybe I need to slow down and think (or feel) first!!”..”

    Nor this.

    It’s you that “need to slow down and think (or feel) first!!”…”

    I’ll continue on reading the rest of the posts… feeling a little bad at the [removed] but it will not stop me.


    Wednesday, 14 September 2011 @ 12:28pm

  34.  #34Ice Princess on September 15, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Happy Birthday Ella!

  35.  #35Lyka on September 15, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    A Very Happy Birthday, Ella! 🙂 Enjoy the vino!

  36.  #36Susan on September 15, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Happy Birthday, Ella!

  37.  #37Lyka on September 15, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Tmizz – #21:

    Good article, thanks for sharing. It really doesn’t apply solely to women, though. Gaslighting reminds me of bullying and kids can be victims of it too.

  38.  #38AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    I am just sooooo mad grrrrr….my temples hurt from the anger! I am over it! All of it! I don’t flippin care anymore. I am over cooked, done! WHHHHOOOOOOSSSSAAAAAAA

  39.  #39flower on September 15, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    -because obviously a guy who knows you’re “dating” him and other men too would be less likely to demand sex – it’s a very powerful position to be in for you.-

    in whole life i never met such guy , the bigger catch u seem , the more men around the more the guy tries to ahve sex

    maybe its just me though

  40.  #40Tmizz on September 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    @ Lyka – Yes, definitely. It is for sure a kind of bullying.

    And parents can even bully their kids this way, too….


  41.  #41Tmizz on September 15, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    So, I don’t usually share my dreams here, but last night I had an interesting one. Especially considering I’ve been thinking about my “blocks” recently…

    Now. I don’t remember the beginning, but in the dream, I was on my way to a friend’s wedding. I came out of the subway station, and thought I would make my way easily across the paved area to where the wedding was going to be. I could even see the open expanse that I had to cross. But as I made my way over, I noticed some big black buses parked off to the side. There were also limos and other large, black cars, in the area I had to go through. Finally, there was a wall, about shoulder height for me, that was made up of other people’s luggage, dirt, clay, cinderblocks and dust.

    At first, there seemed to be a way around, or I should have been able to climb over. But as I kept looking, it was apparent that the wall was totally blocking my path. My efforts to climb were fruitless. But it didn’t seem to be blocking anyone else. I could see the tops of people’s heads moving around on the other side of the wall. “Hey, help.” I said. Not too loudly. Just to get their attention.

    Then a man from the other side came over and started leading me to a small path. It was very thin, worn into the wall – about the width of one person’s foot wide – and it passed by a very deep hole in the earth. As we took this path diagonally across the wall, I had to lean to my left, away from the abyss. I was afraid that I would fall in. But we were safe. And I felt safe following him to the other side of the wall.

    I woke up before I *got* to the other side. But I remember the feeling of safety, the feeling of danger, and the feeling of gratitude without shame for the person who was helping me do something that I couldn’t do on my own.

    Thanks for listening 🙂

  42.  #42luzydel on September 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Well, CDing sounds good in practice, but when one has very little time to spend with 3 or 5 men this may become more like a hassle than a tool. I stick to the idea that “men come and go” then one will stick around…it doesn’t matter if you date one at a time or five…if one leaves, then I will be open to the next one…I also like to have time for myself and my things.

    But I like the Idea of not getting to hung up in a man…Once they one to leave we should let them go.

  43.  #43Patty Penna on September 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Rori’s tools are so so awesome! Had a very anxious day at work. My guy didnt call yesterday as he always does. Listened To some reconnect yur relationship on my way home. Did some circular dating with my neighbor. Felt better. Next thing my Honey calls things are awesome thru thR roof with great feelings and vibes and wonderful weekend plans. Tx rori!! Its so great To lean back and receive because yu will be surprised. This program is gold to me. I have anxiety issues anyway and these tools help everything ! It works like magic!!! It’s all good all the time!!

  44.  #44Patty Penna on September 15, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    Rori’s tools work!! Never doubt! It’s so great to have these awesome skills now. Was kind of bummed today at work. Boss is a jerk etc but my man didn’t call last night as he always does so I was very anxious. Listened to a little reconnect your relationship on the way home. Felt better. Did a little circular dating with my handsome neighbor. Next thing feeling awesome my honey calls. Great vibes talk laughing! Great plans! He was all into let’s talk later too! I have anxiety issues anyway and these tools rori created work wonders to help you calm down and feel great. Worth their weight in gold! Thanks rori!! Love all of it since it’s all good in the hood!!!

  45.  #45Daria on September 15, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    yay i had another wonderful convo with videocd

    it feels so good to talk to him

    i practiced being more vulnerable by going a lil more naked… but i still covered up with a fan


    i felt uncomfortable cuz my titties seem low lately

    i want to boost them back up! and the way i know to do that is massage them in the cold shower… umph!


    i will keep practicing being vulnerable…exposing myself and reveling in my body

  46.  #46Patty Penna on September 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Rori’s tools work!! Never doubt! It’s so great to have these awesome skills now. Was kind of bummed today at work. Boss is a jerk etc but my man didn’t call last night as he always does so I was very anxious. Listened to a little reconnect your relationship on the way home. Felt better. Did a little circular dating with my handsome neighbor. Next thing feeling awesome my honey calls. Great vibes talk laughing! Great plans! He was all into let’s talk later too! I have anxiety issues anyway and these tool Rori created work wonders to help you calm down and feel great. Worth their weight in gold! Thanks Rori!! Love all of it since it’s all good in the hood!!!

  47.  #47Daria on September 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Yay Patty!

  48.  #48Daria on September 15, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    SLV – what happened was that EW was the one who originally wrote… “how do i STOP saying those things… ” etc.

    and Susan somehow mixed it up and answered as if you were the one to post that

    she says she cuts and pastes posts to a separate pile so maybe your name got spliced with EW’s post

    i feel bad . i don’t think it was intentional…

  49.  #49Ella on September 15, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Hmmm interesting stuff coming up around expectations… and the need to lean forward…

    Things feel more intense because it is a special occasion.

    Hmm, interesting to note.

    Get triggered by stuff I would not normally get riggered by bc I am expecting that people ‘should’ behave in a certain way…

  50.  #50Kayla on September 15, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    I just figured out I’m moving and I’m actually feeling kinda sad about it, I just feel like my boyfriend and I won’t be able to see each other very much… I’m feeling down. Any advice anyone?

  51.  #51Kayla on September 15, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    I’m actually just thinking about breaking it off with him because I think being in a long distance relationship with a man would feel too emotionally draining. I really feel comfortable with this man and have grown to like him very much, but I feel that breaking it off with him would be the best thing for me. I don’t want to have to spend my time feeling upset because I haven’t seen my boyfriend for a while.. What do you sirens think?

  52.  #52DE on September 15, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Happy B-day Ella!

    Hope you had an awesome Sireny day!

    Warm hugs,

  53.  #53DE on September 15, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Tmizz #21:

    Thank you for sharing that article! I loved it!!! Very insightful and well written!

    Warm hugs,

  54.  #54Starla on September 15, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    Getting ready for a date with CD2. I already feel pretty triggered, because he’s taking me to a fancy place.

    I am feeling more attracted to him. At first I wasn’t so into him, but it’s growing, because he is a nice guy, and I love nice guys!

    I am going to put on a form-fitting sweater dress and knee-high (flat) brown leather boots and enjoy my time being myself with a great gentleman. Holla;)

  55.  #55AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Feeling appreciated and loved by my big sis! She is a pain but so am I. She is my best friend though, I received some bad news at doctor office today. I found out I had high cholesterol and a fatty liver. Man had to go on meds, so it’s like ok you chunky and your liver chunky too. Ha I have to tell jokes makes it lighter of a subject. So sis bought me a year gym membership at her gym and I left my phone at work. We work at my parents shop together and she brought my phone to me at my house. What a nice thing to do!Makes me feel loved!

  56.  #56AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    Ok I am feeling super LONELY!! HELP 🙂

  57.  #57Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    RE 55 Have you ever tried using organic apple cider vinegar?

  58.  #58Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Kayla I don’t think breaking it off will stop those feelings. As a matter of fact it might intensify them. I would suggest that this is rough stuff that you might want to check in with him to see how he thinks it could be handled before coming to a conclusion. LDRs are hard yes but you don’t if that is his wall. You could even give it a short term trial, like a month, see what happens and then revisit the agreement. I believe he should be part of the decision though.

  59.  #59AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    No FW I have not what does the vinegar do?!

  60.  #60Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    It helps to clean out the fatty deposits out of your body. I use it in the mornings and at nites, mostly mornings. The one I use is Bragg’s, about a tablespoon or a little more in water. It works like a diuretic.

  61.  #61AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    @60 ..Oh sweet thanks FW! I will try it. Yes a lot of changes are coming going to get healthy and I am ready my body is ready to be healthier! I just hate that I am 31 and have high cholesterol 🙁 I have been not nice to my body. The good news is I am free from infections all my blood work elsewise was great! No STD’s I am happy about that…I am no saint and have had my slip ups in the past so…Time to shed some pounds and get back to work but this finding a man thing suckkkksssss 🙂

  62.  #62AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    I am ready to move on and find the love I know I want and deserve!

  63.  #63AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    FW are you CD’ing? Where do you meet people?

  64.  #64Kayla on September 15, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Yes I completely agree, and as I got to thinking I realized that I feel like I should talk to him and see what happens. I am going to tell him that I am moving, and that I want to be together because I feel so happy being with him. But I’m not sure if it would feel too emotionally overwhelming being in a long distance relationship. And I’m going to ask him what he thinks (: Thanks FW. You really helped.

  65.  #65Femininewoman on September 15, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    RE 63 Online and organically.

  66.  #66AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    Sometimes I just don’t know how to handle my emotions….

  67.  #67LILI 41 on September 15, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Hi AmazingMe. I am super lonely too 🙁

  68.  #68Emerson on September 15, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Thank you Emerson for ordering what you wanted at Hawaiian bbq!

    Thank you Emerson for talking to cute guy at work! And being open and showing emotion and compassion when talking to him!

    Thank you Emerson for reminding yourself that Recycled is not the only man on the planet!

    Thank you Emerson for not jumping to return Recycled’s call last night!

    Thank you for thinking about your actions for a while and sinking into your feelings first!

    Still haven’t called back!

    Feeling empowered!

    Thank you Emerson for speaking your mind and setting boundaries at work today while remaining kind and caring and grateful!

    Thank you Emerson for being compassionate to difficult people at work and feeling all “aww” about them not anger!!

    xo love ya sirens. You inspire me.

  69.  #69LILI 41 on September 15, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    apple cider vinegar in olive oil with a dab of honey makes a great salad dressing! yummy!

  70.  #70Emerson on September 15, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Amazing me and lili (hugs)
    I feel kinda lonely too
    But my animals help 🙂 They are sweet and warm and fuzzy


  71.  #71Emerson on September 15, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    “A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss. … That’s the trade-off. But I’ll take it all.”

  72.  #72Emerson on September 15, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    OMG this guy has 41 pictures on his online dating profile! Talk about overkill. Dang! 😯

  73.  #73Alicia on September 15, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I feel for the girl who wrote in… It sucks everytime – to discover one day poof the guy who has come on so strong… has in fact dropped the ball. Especially, when you feel good about how you handled yourself and can see progress.

    I agree with Rori. I liked every word I read. I am the first to admit I have never dated 5 guys at once but, it would be great.. especially if I was attracted to all of them.

    The good ones only come on stronger when they cant have you right away.. well even the not so good ones, every guys likes that challange. And sex to soon takes you out of the game. Just a general statement not in regards to the post. My true guy friend told me that word for word. So date them all!

  74.  #74LILI 41 on September 15, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Thank YOU Emmerson! You inspire us.

  75.  #75AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Yes Emerson Thank You! LiLi you think it is our fault for being lonely?

  76.  #76Starla on September 15, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    that was fun fun fun dinner with CD2

    i kissssed him
    it felt good
    he kisses like i do

    he took me to fancy pants land for food

    it was super fancy. i felt worthy and right at home.

    i like him more and more. this is great!!

    but now CD1 is coming over…feeling like a player. he has to leave in an hour so i can study!

  77.  #77AmazingMe on September 15, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    Starla I am jealous!!! That is awesome a good kiss with someone you really like! Your not a player you CD thats all so tell your Negative voices, “Don’t Hate!” haha

  78.  #78LILI 41 on September 15, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    I feel sad and lonely. All that leaning back did wonders for the past 3 weeks. But now…Can anyone tell me if I did OK by Siren standards:
    He dropped by tonight and didn’t call yesterday because he was at a client’s getting his work knitpicked until 8pm. He got home and all he wanted to do was think about how in the heck he’s going to manage his schedule. He’s got a project to finish up with this picky client on overtime then he’s getting switched to the nightshift. He says don’t waist your time if you can’t handle it because my ex left me because of it. I said to him “don’t decide that for me, it’s not about the schedule, it depends on your attitude and what you want. It would feel great to me to feel desired and that we would have fun and connect in the time we do have. That would make me accept it. This overtime being temporary, you will get throuh it. He then said that he would no longer volunteer to take on such additional projects. He will see how it goes and try to get his shift changed to daytime if he can’t manage the nightshift. With this shift change, he will now have his son during the weekend.

    No more alone romantic time. I never had kids and never will bc of my age, so I don’t know how I would handle having one around every weekend.

    Yikes, a lot to think about…Help.

  79.  #79LILI 41 on September 15, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    re 75 AmazingMe,

    I think everyone gets lonely sometime. Things have a way of changing. I get a lonely spell, then all of a sudden I get caught up in a whirlwind of outtings which gets too much after a while. Then a lonely time again. It’s always a roller coaster with me. Can’t wait to get a steady balanced life.
    Now my 2 best friends who I used to hang out with a lot are both in love. One of them planning her upcoming wedding, so she’s no longer available to hang out much. Once she get’s married in October, she’s moving at a 6hour drive away.
    And the funny thing is, I fixed them up! Wish I could do the same for myself.

  80.  #80alias girl on September 15, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    #72 emerson. lol. i am chuckling.

  81.  #81Starla on September 15, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    Yeah I am hella CD’ing

    and i noticed that it took some of the needy edge off of my interaction with CD1.

    But as he was leaving I got tears in my eyes. I just let them well up and told him i felt mega sad. then he looked mega sad. and i didn’t pretend like i was okay. I said very sadly he had to go because i needed to study.

  82.  #82Starla on September 15, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    CD1 dried off a rainy bench for me to sit on with his butt. I think it’s the most chivalrous thing I ever seen in my life.

    wow and CD2 took me to mega farkin expensive nice restaurant and didn’t even try to make a sexual move on me.

    I am so lucky to be born such a goddess. Life is so sweet and special. I feel undeserving and that’s okay. I love my undeserving feelings.

  83.  #83Starla on September 15, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    i like this seeing lots of guys thing. even in the same evening. i see now that it gives me the power of choice. the best one who steps up wins me.

    thank you, rori.

    i intend to date many many more men.

  84.  #84English Woman on September 15, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Wow when I logged onto this blog this morning and saw the pic above I laughed out loud!! 😀

    Just yesterday on an ex pat blog we had been talking of shopping trolleys and the British/Americans were told they would have to stop saying carts when they get back here, how weird and not the normal stuff people talk about LOL!!

  85.  #85English Woman on September 15, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    #33 SLV

    All those words in quotation marks are mine (English Woman, one name only :)) said by me about me, then Susan replied to me, but instead of saying EW, she said SLV…………simples………….. 🙂

  86.  #86English Woman on September 15, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    Hope I’m not too late to wish Ella a very very Happy Birthday. 😀

  87.  #87Ella on September 16, 2011 at 1:05 am

    Thanks EW,

    Never too late… and anyway I am going to make my birthday last the whole weekend!

    😉 xx

  88.  #88Ella on September 16, 2011 at 1:05 am

    Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes



  89.  #89Ella on September 16, 2011 at 1:15 am

    Ok Sirens J posted a reply to my general birthday event invitation to all my local FB friends that he is coming.

    And then yesterday he posted on my wall ‘Happy Birthday, hope you’ve had a great day and will see you tomorrow night. Much Love. xxxxx’

    And since then I have been wondering and ‘thinking’ about whether I need to reply to that post…

    I have been feeling very unsure.

    I think it is cus I really want him to come… (so wanting to control an outcome really) and interesting to me to notice that of all my CDs he is the one who I am most bothered whether he shows or not.

    I don’t feel this pull to try and influence the others either way!

    Is he my romance nemisis? Lol.

    Feel slightly off balance with it cus he is the one who always says he’ll be there and then isn’t for meeting me. And I keep wanting to ‘help’ him feel safe enough to come.

    Grrrr. Ella sweetie – not my job!

    Its like I don’t trust him to figure it out and do whats needed to come to party. I keep thinking of reasons and logic why I need to encourage him… I worry that he won’t show cus of this or that reason… mainly in case he has to come alone and doesn’t really know anyone and has not had a reply from me… blah blah blah…

    But the truth is I really want to let go of this outcome.

    And in fact ALL outcomes for tonight.

    I REALLY want and intend to be present for whoever does show up, friends, CDs etc and just appreciate who is there, relax, feel my feelings, and have fun.

    SO – regardless of whether J comes I will commit to this. Me being present and having a great time and appreciating whoever does show up!

    As for whether to reply anything to J – I still don’t really know!


  90.  #90Ella on September 16, 2011 at 1:19 am


    He is just 1 boy.

    Really not that important!

    Just a young boy – he’s ok… so, so. Just a CD really like all the others.

    Oh, and there is another 1 – and he has very hot lips 😉 he said he is going to give me a birthday kiss!

  91.  #91Daria on September 16, 2011 at 2:18 am

    ok y dream… i dreamt i was back in teh bay area, and i was walkig around, and i seen one of my guy friends but we kinda didnt recognize each other till we both turned around after…

    but i was in a hurry and kept going

    then i wound up at that girl i used to hang out with house, and i was just hanging out with her like i had never stopped, and w were going to go to a party

    then i was walking around past these basketball courts where the og’s were playing, and they were admiring me as usual, and i tried to shoot a basket but the hoop was S?OOO high, and i touched it but missed

    then i walked on,

    later i was at lunch and eating lunch and feeling kinda shy, unworthy, with my new CD and a friend of his, who i wasn’t even looking at.

    except my new cd wasn’t even himself, cuz he was all buff

    and he was telling me about well his friend was just out of school, and they said something about me and would i go, and i said fuchk school lol

    and it was my dilemma that i have cuz on one hand i want to impress them that i went to school and then when they find out i went to cal they will instantly think im smart

    buit on the other hand i don’t really think school is a measure of intelligence (tho a part of me must still think that) but im into unschooling and self education and stuff so why use school to prove my worht and intelligence right… so if i do believe that rhan my thinking is i Should apply it to myself and not brag aboug my school since i say school isn’t im,portant

  92.  #92Daria on September 16, 2011 at 2:37 am

    i also dreamt there was a big butterfly in my room… and i was practicing not feeling scared because i started feeling scared of moths at oine point…

    and i was trying to get the butterfly out and outside and to encourage it in that directioin, but i also felt so sleepy and wanted to stay in bed

  93.  #93Daria on September 16, 2011 at 2:45 am

    I <3 Stella and am feeling delighted hehe hearing about her dating adventures

  94.  #94Lyka on September 16, 2011 at 4:36 am

    Feeling confused this morning. Talked on the phone with my sweetie last night and he sounded “off”. Mind you, he hurt his shoulder again last Monday morning before starting to work so I know he was in pain but I just have a bad feeling about the whole thing.

    It’s just that we had the greatest time together last weekend and things seemed to have changed.

    Maybe it’s all in my mind.

    I will wait until he calls me again and see if I can clarify the situation. I just need to write a very powerful speech though. I don’t want to blame him, I know he works a lot and that he is tired. I wasn’t feeling very good myself either last night as I thought I was going to have the flu but I succeeded in killing it with echinacea. I’m feeling better physically today but not emotionally.

    I don’t want to lose him, he’s too precious to me.

  95.  #95Lyka on September 16, 2011 at 4:38 am

    Tmizz – #41:

    Very interesting dream. I hope Susan will come and try to interpret it. She’s awesome at it.

  96.  #96Ella on September 16, 2011 at 4:44 am

    Daria are you here?

    I am feeling all crunched up about whether I need to reply to J’s post on my wall.

    I know its not really important and my feeling is urgent.

    Any quick words of advice? I need to get on with my day and get into birthday party mood…


  97.  #97Lyka on September 16, 2011 at 4:55 am

    From an email I received yesterday.

    Christine Arylo – Love Letter:

    Dear x,

    Inside of you is a soul that wants to be happy exactly as s/he is.
    Not because of what s/he has done.
    Or accomplished.
    Not because of how physically thin or perfect s/he is.
    But simply because s/he is you.

    Today, just take a moment and ask that deep, sacred part of you…

    Are you receiving enough love from me?

    Am I being compassionate enough with you?

    Am I giving you what you need?

    If you have a hard time getting through to hear the answer, stop, close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and feel your heart moving up and down with your breath, and then ask each question again.

    Okay… feeling it?

    So…. what did s/he have to say? Go ahead, say it out loud. Does s/he want more love and less fear? More kindness and gentleness and less of your inner mean girl or dude being hard on you? More physical, emotional or spiritual nourishment and less of your inner doing addict depleting your resources?

    If s/he (you!) wants more love in all these forms, then by gosh let’s give it to you… starting today! You need you to be your own best friend!

    Here’s how we are going to do it:

    First, a radical act of self-love. Stop. Drop. Hug.

    Give yourself a big hug, yes right now here in this moment. Stop, drop and self-love hug. And then, this is very important, ask yourself, “What do I need?” Listen to what your inner wise self has to say, and act on whatever counsel s/he provides, i.e. give yourself what you need.

  98.  #98Daria on September 16, 2011 at 5:12 am

    Ella – how about just replying…

    “oh feels great to read! thank you!”

    that way you are appreciating for the nice thing he did… wishing you a happy birthday and all…

  99.  #99Emoticon on September 16, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Good Morning Sirens. I’m feeling needy this morning. Just CRAVING my ex, but I might just have some marshmallows instead since they happen to be in my shopping cart with me while these CDs of mine r busy with I guess their morning routine lol

  100.  #100Ella on September 16, 2011 at 5:57 am


    Thanks. All sorted now… although I have a feeling he may be bringing a date, or maybe just a friend tonight so not sure how that will feel..


  101.  #101Patricia on September 16, 2011 at 5:59 am

    On the same topic, I got the speach HELP! okay Ive been doing this for a while..the circular dating thing and I’m exhausted. I’ve been out with 40 men in 3 months. I liked 3 of them enough to have a realtionship with them but the first one was manipulating me so I broke it off. The second we had gone out 3 times and I then told him how I felt and that essentially ended it (which is fine) but this last one this past weekend sat and begged me to not see anyone else a 45 minute rendition of he knew he didn’t need to go any further, said that it was love at first sight and that he didnt want to date anyone else but if I did then he woluld too…I didnt want to let a good thing get away, so I agreed and yes it got physical (I know). We talked the next day about how we would see eachother since there was some physical distance, children and other things to navigate. He said we would “work out” seeing eachother and if he could fit it in” “maybe” I said I understand that but if I am going to be not seeing other people as he asked me to do then I needed a little more than a maybe sometimes every other weekend and asked him if he thought this would work?” He insisted that he did want me to be with him only and then we talked about the other weekends (roughly) not definite plans but how that might look or work. Then Monday I heard from him once, Tuesday he said he was really sick (he had a really bad cough over the weekend) I txted him that night to let him know that I felt bad he was sick and hoped he felt better. I did not hear from him Wednesday (we were supposed to confirm plans for the weekend) and finally did txt him Thursday and told him how I felt a little confused because we had talked about things and I was trying to be convinced about the “love at first sight thing” but I felt nervous about being completely focused on him. This is when I got the “I have been sick and havent talked to anybody…I think it’s too soon for me, I dont think I can keep you happy and I think I’m going to need to back off, maybe in the future and I still want to be friends” speech. I said I understand…I know he’s a busy dad (and a good one) and that I am a busy mom. I said that He may not have the time for a realtionship right now and that I was hoping to have a reationship with a wonderful man who thught I was wonderful who I could feel happy with, adore and enjoy his body…but if this is how he feels I will miss him and that I felt sad..I wished him well. I did then send him a message a little later after realizing that he was really just asking me to be exclusive (in dating him) which I never would have agreed to, but I interpreted realtionship; I told him I think he and I just had different expectaions about what we expected when he asked me not to see other people and we had not communicated that to eachother..I said that I felt silly now for misunderstanding and how it must have felt like I was pressuring him. I havent txt again and dont want to.. I know I made some mistakes but if he does come back, how do I handle it???

  102.  #102AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 5:59 am

    So Sirens I my have a a CD come hang out and watch a movie. Why does part of me always say why bother. It’s like I don’t feel like dating but I am lonely….goshhhh

  103.  #103Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Patricia sorry for your pain and I believe your story just confirms that Rori is right about cdating and not getting exclusive. I am a bit concerned about his illness though. I hope it is nothing more serious that could affect your health.

  104.  #104Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 6:20 am

    LILI41 says “don’t decide that for me, it’s not about the schedule, it depends on your attitude and what you want”. This starts out sounding like you telling him what to do though you don’t want him to do that to you. The “what you want” ending suggests that your feelings are secondary to his and like he is on trial. I would maybe acknowledge that what he is saying is correct, validate his feeling overwhelmed and give him some approval that I have confidence in his ability to work it out.

    “This overtime being temporary, you will get throuh it” this suggests the approval of him but also what came to mind was that maybe also suggesting that the relationship is not on trial because of it and that as a team you can work to get through the rough patch together.

  105.  #105Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 6:27 am

    Sorry, “handle my emotions” sounds to me like taming a wild horse. I find noticing them without even doing anything helps me to think of hugging myself with compassion or sometimes just laughing at myself.

  106.  #106Patricia on September 16, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Femininewoman: I had never intended it to be exclusive that was his intentions and I didnt wait to get the signs that he wasn’t ready to commit. I don’t make it a practice in getting physical with men Im “dating”, I just let my guard down (uggg) I am not at all hurt because he was honest. I am sad at the situation but not overwhelmed by it. Practicing Rori’s tools has helped me to learn to let go of control and just relax in realtionships and let men relax with me. The one thing that I can say about all the men I’ve dated is that I have never found one that didnt want to persue something else and see me again. I just go wrong with the ones I like. I do want to know what to do if he decides to return because this is where I ultimately drop the ball and become indignant and overly demanding. PS I actually was asked out by my friend Billy for saturday so i am wasting no time in making myself busy.
    PSS his physical condition.. no this is a true country boy who had been in the Hay fields that weekend and bailing hay and said he also caught a cold. It sounded like pneumonia when I was around him but he hadnt seen a Dr last I checked. but ur right I did take a risk with myself and as I said felt silly…I should have known better but will do better next time =) thank you for your concern it’s greatly appreciated

  107.  #107AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 6:43 am

    @105 It is probably so!

  108.  #108AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 7:14 am

    I remember years ago
    Someone told me I should take
    Caution when it comes to love
    I did, I did——-

    And you were strong and I was not
    My illusion, my mistake
    I was careless, I forgot
    I did

    And now when all is done
    There is nothing to say
    You have gone and so effortlessly
    You have won
    You can go ahead tell them

    Tell them all I know now
    Shout it from the roof tops
    Write it on the sky line
    All we had is gone now

    Tell them I was happy
    And my heart is broken
    All my scars are open
    Tell them what I hoped would be
    Impossible, impossible
    Impossible, impossible

    Falling out of love is hard
    Falling for betrayal is worst
    Broken trust and broken hearts
    I know, I know——–

    Thinking all you need is there
    Building faith on love and words
    Empty promises will wear
    I know, I know——–

    And now when all is gone
    There is nothing to say

    And if you’re done with embarrassing me
    [ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/shontelle-lyrics/impossible-lyrics.html ]
    On your own you can go ahead tell them

    Tell them all I know now
    Shout it from the roof tops
    Write it on the sky line
    All we had is gone now

    Tell them I was happy
    And my heart is broken
    All my scars are open
    Tell them what I hoped would be
    Impossible, impossible
    Impossible, impossible
    Impossible, impossible
    Impossible, impossible!
    Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

    I remember years ago
    Someone told me I should take
    Caution when it comes to love
    I did

    Tell them all I know now
    Shout it from the roof tops
    Write it on the sky line
    All we had is gone now

    Tell them I was happy
    And my heart is broken
    All my scars are open
    Tell them what I hoped would be
    Impossible, impossible
    Impossible, impossible
    Impossible, impossible
    Impossible, impossible

    I remember years ago
    Someone told me I should take
    Caution when it comes to love
    I did……….


  109.  #109Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 7:18 am

    He apparently was overwhelmed, maybe he bit off a little more than he can chew.

    Once you are aware of your patterns then you have the option to choose something else. Rori has a program called LoveScripts it might be worth investing in for that time. I don’t have it myself but what I have seen seems that it prepares you with speeches for such occasions. However, if he returns then you have the power at that point. I wouldn’t rush back immediately I would let him know I don’t know for sure. That I want to take things slow and let him know how I felt but what happened. I would also share my vision for my life and the type of relationship I dream about. Also what I don’t want. Get rid of the demands is what I tell myself because they owe me nothing. I owe it to myself to create what I want in my life.

    Regarding the sex, it is great to feel comfortable doing it for one’s pleasure otherwise I don’t think it is worth it, especially if I am going to beat myself up about it afterwards.

  110.  #110Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 7:20 am

    Patricia, one thing I forgot to add, it seems like working on your boundaries and trusting them might help you. People like to know that they can influence you but when you set aside your standards to point of putting your health at risk, what I have learned from men is that is not attractive. You have to put yourself ahead of him.

  111.  #111Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:32 am

    yay i cooked some stuff for the first time – pork – and it came out feeling quite lovely and yummy and i feel goood!!!!

  112.  #112Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:33 am

    and have found supernanny episodes and am enjoying them mucho!!

  113.  #113Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 7:37 am

    BW Hope the new day brings a new start and good things for you.

  114.  #114Tmizz on September 16, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Ella – I think you are on the right track. I’d say you probably don’t “need” to respond. He said he would be there. But if you wanted to, you could just say something like, “Great! See you soon!”

    I mean, you could try a feeling message, but it might be too much. For now, maybe you just want to let him know you’re expecting him – or not. Up to you. (And then afterward, you can tell him it felt great to see him! – whether you responded or not;) Either way, it is his chance to follow through.

    Bonne chance. You are so loved on your birthday! 🙂

  115.  #115Tmizz on September 16, 2011 at 7:53 am

    @ Lyka – It would be interesting to hear what Susan has to say. It might be different from what I think. But on the other hand, my dreams can be pretty obvious. I mean, it was a wall, filled with debris that didn’t belong to me, and I needed someone’s help to show me the way over to get where I was going. I know what it means to me, at least. I wanted to share because, in a way, just having the dream felt like a breakthrough. Dreams are so interesting! Sometimes I love them, sometimes they are awful. But either way, they show us something about ourselves that we need to see or understand. So awesome.:)

  116.  #116Patricia on September 16, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Thank you for your insight and I do feel better now and have a much better idea of what to do if he returns and what I need to say to him or anyone for that matter. I’m still learning some things about myself in this and have taken a little break from dating to regroup and evaluate. I did enjoy the sex and Im not beating myself up for that as much as if I was looking at this man as relationship material (as you said it sends a message that I don’t care about myself) and I dont want to put that out there. I had not expected as much what happened and have never let my guard down like that in this whole “dating” thing. I usually have a set of “dos and donts” that I stick by in order to not cross that boundary. I start with coffee or lunch on a limited schedule, then maybe dinner and then drinks and if he gets to the next date something fun “time together” always give myself 1-2 hrs, no more than that. I didnt give myself a curfew that night because he had driven 2hrs to see me and it was late. I was being too considerate and not trusting myself and my curfews. So I agree. I know I wont do that again no matter how far they drive. I also expected not to like him that much and was going just for fun and to see (curiosity) and it just caught me off guard..but it’s ok. The sex was for my pleasure. I will not set my standards aside again and it def was not for HIM at least not only…he was willing to wait and I’m sure of that but I didnt…lol I found him to be genuine and had been talking to him for about 3 weeks, he took his profile down from the sight and all signs lead to “go”…I just went toooo fast and expected to much without observing carefully…I am worth the wait even if I have to make myself wait…lol =) …and definately will do the blog after I decide to get back out there and continue to circular date…There are things I am doing right and def mistakes so I am worth some self forgiveness and love and will get my grounded again… Thank you again for your genuine concern (Im concerned) and I feel a little less “off balance”. I know I don’t need to explain all this and need to reassure myself that I can do this…

  117.  #117Patricia on September 16, 2011 at 8:09 am

    Every day brings new beginnings and every minute is a fresh start =) Not hurting just time for some self affection for a little while…

  118.  #118AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 8:16 am

    So TGIF Sierns!! I really am proud of myself for being so productive at the shop. I am helping out here while my parents are at an event 🙂 I am pushing out negative vibes and inhaling some positive air…whhoooosssaaaaaa…I love my corny behavior.

  119.  #119Senior Lady Vibe on September 16, 2011 at 8:35 am

    @48: Daria



  120.  #120turquoise on September 16, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Good morning everyone!

    FW, I wrote this on the last post, but I LOVE steel drums. SO great you are trying new things. I love that.

    Mel, sounds like things are great! Very happy for you. Did you stay in your area or move to be closer to your family? I have missed a lot!

  121.  #121turquoise on September 16, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Regarding the article…. I push too much, overdo, over think, over function. Trying to stop, but hard to get my mind to cooperate.

    My ex surprised the girls this morning before they left for school. He’s back from his deployment, and in town for the weekend. Was great to see him. He looked really good…. which isn’t helping since I’ve had some extremely sexy and intimate dreams about him lately.

    I don’t know what I want, and it’s really hard feeling this way.

  122.  #122turquoise on September 16, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Happy birthday Ella!!!!! 🙂

  123.  #123Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 8:53 am

    RE 121 turquoise I totally understand that feeling.

  124.  #124AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Do any of you sirens think if a man loves you and or cares about you at all, he WILL be back and or stick around?

  125.  #125turquoise on September 16, 2011 at 8:55 am

    What do I want….. what do I want? What do I really want or just think I want because it’s “right” for me?

    I want fun in my life! To try new things, have an adventure and not limit myself due to fear of the unknown.

    I want to dream… big, crazy over the top dreams, to tiny little inconsequential dreams, just keep imagining. What ALL can BE in my life?

    I want to FEEL my life. All of it. THe good, the bad, wonderful, scary, hurt, love and everything in between that a passionate life holds. I want to drop my shield, and not guard my heart so tightly.

    I want to smile, everyday, all the time… grateful for all my blessings, appreciative of all I have and paying it forward. Showing the universe that all is good in my world, I love my life and can put good things back out to the universe too.

    I want BIG love. Not the kind you end up settling for, explain or that feels good, enough. I want to dream of my lover, and conjour him into being. I want him to find me, when I least expect it, full of passion, energy and desire for something real.

    I want to feel safe, loved, protected, encouraged, wanted and secure. I want to feel satisfied and that I’m enough for someone else.

    I want to love and know myself better than anyone else. I want to be healthy, happy, a good role model to my children, and a bright spot in the lives of others. I want to feel fulfilled in my life, to be brimming over with goodness.

    Now, just to find out how to get this peace and understanding of myself, and allow all these to happen, create the opportunities, and have enough hope and faith that it will all be.

  126.  #126AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Falling in love is like tripping over your own feet, when you least expect it you fall and you fall hard due to your own clumsy behavior, landing flat on your face. Followed by tears with no one to blame but yourself….sorry for the negativity just wanted to get that out!!

  127.  #127AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 9:02 am


  128.  #128AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 9:04 am

    @126 that feels ick to read…my bad sorry sirens!!

  129.  #129turquoise on September 16, 2011 at 9:14 am

    @ 126…. I like it, and it’s true! Falling in love is like that, and it always hurts, even if it’s just a little. Picking ourselves up is growth, and how we change and figure things out. 🙂

  130.  #130AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 9:16 am

    @129 yes so true..It does turn into a growth and learning process.

  131.  #131Daria on September 16, 2011 at 9:17 am

    ooh i want to start drumming!!

  132.  #132Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Turquoise that is beautiful and I believe it is on the inside of us. I am convinced so I am looking inside me for all those.

    I used to think of falling in love as losing control over one’s faculties. That explains to me why I was so afraid of intimacy. Today I just want to just fall and keep falling because I realize that I have choices. I trust myself not to throw myself into harms way so I can even choose to love a bad boy because I know I will take care of myself. I cherish my past experiences and think fondly of my exes who brought me lessons I would not have learned without them. Ii thank and appreciate them for it and wish them all the happiness they desire in life.

  133.  #133Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Does falling in love hurt? I don’t know. I look at it now as healing. Uncovering some of the wounds of the past that were not fully healed and ultimately healing them.

  134.  #134turquoise on September 16, 2011 at 9:36 am

    133…. I guess being in love can hurt, not actually the falling in love. In my experience, there has always been a little heartache mixed in.

  135.  #135Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 9:44 am

    RE134 I now believe that heartache is a habit that I can choose to change.

  136.  #136Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 9:53 am

    From an old Rori email
    Heartache is a habit. One that doesn’t get you anywhere goo. S, first in order to switch a habit you have to have some idea of what you really want. You have to know what you’re going for.

    So here’s the First Step of This Tool: Let’s Call it “SWITCH FOCUS”
    Wherever you are, even if it’s just 5 seconds, try this:
    Visualize, imagine, and perhaps even write down on a scrap of paper, in a special journal or my ebook, the kind of relationship you want. Imagine and write it in great, sensual, tactile detail, to make it as real as you can for yourself. While you’re imagining this great relationship, any time yo come back to thinking about the heartache and misery you’re experiencing right now with this man (yes, your thoughts will go back there, don’t worry when it happens), NOTICE what’s going on in your mind, your body and your heart.
    Then SWITCH
    As gently as you can, without beating yourself up – please no beating yourself up – switch from the thought about this man to the thought about the RELATIONSHIP you want. Get into the detail, the closeness. Now – FOCUS on that!
    Every time you start to think of the man who’s breaking your heart right now, tell yourself you’re done being safe in heartache, and you want to take a chance on real love.
    Tell yourself you’re brave and strong.
    When you find yourself slipping into “heartache” thought, switch to the detail you dreamed up about what it would be like in a great relationship. Don’t worry if you feel like crying – go ahead and cry – that’s a good thing! Let your feelings out but don’t let them stop you from Switching Focus. Just keep on doing it.
    Okay – now we need step 2 for this SWITCH FOCUS Tool.
    Take the switch one more level.
    Once you’ve got the hang of switching from the misery you’re in to the fabulous relationship you want, I want you to start switching that great, fabulous detailed imaginary experience of the great relationship you want to be in, to something REAL that’s right in front of you.
    This could be: The may you’re on a date with. Instead of thinking about whether or not you’re bored with him or how he doesn’t measure up, get curious.
    Use every Tool in my Toolkit that sings to you personally to keep yourself grounded and in the present moment, and look at him. Count the hairs in his eyebrows if you must to keep yourself FOCUSSED on what’s in front of you.
    It could be flower on the table at the diner. It could be the feel of the tablecloth. It could be the rug you’re sitting on. It could be the fork or spoon in your hand.
    Get yourself focused on your EXERIENCE of something real and physical in the moment.
    Remember noticing what you’re feeling on as deep a level as I can help you get to, and noticing what’s around you are the hugest steps to take toward getting the relationship you want.
    Your focus will come off this man and onto the rest of your life.
    And that will shift your “vibe”. And he’ll notice that.

  137.  #137Senior Lady Vibe on September 16, 2011 at 10:03 am

    @85: English Woman

    If you think you must “explain” things to me, I suspect you mean well but you aren’t grasping what happened. I, of course, understand simple things so I do not require you to “explain simple things to me.” I also understand the more complicated ones as well.

    I make copy and paste errors; many people make copy and paste errors. But there was NO copy and paste error when Susan wrote out the words to me ==> “you say.” She typed them and SLV. If you are suggesting she doesn’t know the difference between typing the letters “SLV” and typing “English Woman” or she thinks we are the same person on the blog, I don’t believe it. If the words she used to defame me were taken from you that is irrelevant but maybe convenient for her.

    I have never pretended to the description that she used of me. Anywhere on the Rori blog. Or anywhere else. So saying I did is… sniper fire. A mean and hateful act.

    I don’t believe a supposed “confusion” on the order of… her fingers type things by “mistake” and then her eyes don’t know the difference between three letters and a dozen letters. She was just hating and having a bit of fun to offend me.

    Susan has already expressed her opinion of me; I don’t believe you think the same but perhaps you do. It’s unpleasant for me to read your post today as well as hers but those are only your opinions of me. I have my own opinions of myself and those are the ones I’m going with.

  138.  #138Emerson on September 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I’m so not impressed by the views/winks I’ve received on my new dating website. Blah.
    But I told myself I’d give it 30 days and just experiment.
    Feeling very blah today and need to revisit the previous post about not having the NVs that are talking so loudly in my head: they tell me that I’ll never meet a man I am attracted to that will love me and I don’t have choices and men that I love will always leave.

    waahh RRRAAAAARRR I hate the NVs and they are now getting sent out on a boat into the ocean!!! With no motor and no oars! Float away NVs!!!!!

  139.  #139Susan on September 16, 2011 at 10:18 am

    RE: 41: Tmizz

    Okay… I’ll take a stab at interpreting the dream. But I certainly don’t claim the last word in dream interpretation. 🙂

    Mostly, this is what I call a frustration dream. You want to accomplish something and other stuff gets in the way and blocks you. Frustration dreams are fairly common, but yours had a nice little twist. You asked for help in your dream. That is uncommon. One of the reasons we get (and stay) frustrated is because we usually don’t look beyond our own limited view for help. Asking for help in your dream says a very positive thing about you – that you are open to change.

    The gender of the person who came to assist you was male, but in reality this person symbolized a different part of you. If a character in a dream (either gender) who you don’t immediately recognize but who does something important or noteworthy is almost always a symbol for you. Some part of you knew the way to get through and it was a way that was different from what you had tried before. You had to change yourself to travel it (leaning sideways and going under the blockage and being careful to not fall.) This demonstrates your willingness to try something new. And in your dream, it was successful.

    I think this is you telling yourself that you feel confident to try ways of doing things you haven’t done before and that you feel confident you will be successful.

    Oh, and if you don’t immediately know who the friend is that was getting married, then this was you pondering how to get to… the relationship you want. 🙂

  140.  #140Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 10:21 am

    Susan I feel really impressed by how you view these dreams.

  141.  #141Patricia on September 16, 2011 at 10:22 am

    It is apparent that Rori’s intention on this site is empowerment and self love and respect…it is a safe place to receive what we need by supporting eachother and giving what we learn to eachother through this someines very difficult part of learning to “be” in relationships with good men who will treat us well and who we can share the love that we have with…I have love I’m looking for someone to share it with. For a new person entering this environment it would be difficult if I thought I were going to be judged, put down or berrated by those that I come to for support who have been through Rori’s programs. Please help me feel safe ladies I don’t want to think that this sight is here to make me understand my mistakes..I know I make them but to help me better undertand how not to make them and how to have the right attitude about this dating thing…I like men..I think they are beautiful and wonderful and intelligent…and I think all of you are too =) I want to come back and chat with those that are wanting to Help eachother even through repeated mistakes…thats how I learn and thats the basis and premis of what rori is trying to do…get us to practice with lots of men, make mistakes and then retry but not give anything up of ourselves until we have what we want. I want a good relationship…I came here to get guidance..try to guide eachother

  142.  #142alias girl on September 16, 2011 at 10:23 am

    #138 ((emerson)) u r a lovely goddess.

  143.  #143Patricia on September 16, 2011 at 10:24 am

    TY 136

  144.  #144Femininewoman on September 16, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Please forgive me Patricia if my words to you caused you to feel that way. It was not the intention. I really hope you can feel safe here.

  145.  #145Patricia on September 16, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Not you Feminine..just an observation on some of the comments…you have helped me to feel welcome and open and invited and have offered insight as well as gave tools…thats exactly what I expect..thank you again

  146.  #146turquoise on September 16, 2011 at 11:35 am


    I was here for several months over spring and early summer, my life got way too busy to be online for the past few months (I moved) but have come back to the blog because it is a good place to work through things, get guidance, give support and to feel a sense of sisterhood, that we are all in this together. Sometimes there is drama, I’ve gotten into a bit of it myself here, even though I had intended to stay out of it. My point is this, this blog is different things to different people, and it helps to learn to scroll past what you don’t want to be a part of. Some really use the blog to work through feelings and emotions, and there are those of us, myself included, who can be outspoken and feel the need to point out what we’ve seen. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of it, have witnessed it…. and guess my point is this, make the blog what you want it to be for yourself. Things can be misinterpreted, said in anger, frustration, etc. and it’s unfortunately a part of life. Learning that we can’t control what others say, think, feel, interpret based on what we share, and we can’t control the outcome. It really bothered me at first to see these debates, but I do think I’ve learned something from it. I often find it interesting to see how different women react, respond and then either let it go, or work it out.

    I hope you find much kindness, encouragement and support here. And, if you find yourself in a debate, I hope you’ll be open to another’s perspective and also feel you can stand up for yourself or what you believe. It’s helped me tremendously!!!!

  147.  #147turquoise on September 16, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Speaking of debates…. I have to say,

    DARIA…. you were right!!!! 🙂

    I gave you a really hard time awhile back because I felt you weren’t being realistic about life and how hard it could be. You didn’t like my word, reality and felt it was so limiting. I was worried all your dreams wouldn’t come true, and that you wouldn’t be prepared for what harshness you may find in the world.

    Well, I have to say that I never in a million years thought my ex would get us this big, beautiful house. I’d pretty much given up the idea of a dream home, and even the little bit I’d held onto was tied to IF’s. IF I remarry, IF I get a much better job, but even then, figuring it was years down the road, IF at all.

    I don’t know how or why this has happened for me, but the best part of it isn’t even the house, it’s that I’m so OPEN to all the possibilities and dreams of what my future may hold, I feel like a new person! Yes, still a single mom, working hard to build the best life for us that I can, but DREAMING again, for the first time in a really long time.

    So, THANK YOU for your spirit and energy, wistfullness…. it’s inspiring, and it stayed with me even while I was off the blog. Hope you are well!

  148.  #148AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 11:48 am

    You know this blog is really therapy for a lot of people here! It has helped people face fears, realities, trials, failures, successfulness, negative and positive emotions, and sooo many more! I love it and all it stands for. People get triggered and learn how to deal with different things and face challenges!

  149.  #149AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 11:55 am

    I like just having a place to vent,riff, and share good news! Without judgements we can be the person we choose to be!

  150.  #150Daria on September 16, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    Wow turquoise . Thank you so much for sharing that.

    I feel surprised and in wonder to receive that.

    I feel scared and ashamed to say this.. I felt really resentful and shut down towards you after that,

    I kinda don’t know what to say … I feel shocked kinda that things have turned this way… And I know this is ‘how it works’ with everything working out… But wow!

    I feel glad you are feeling happy and open that’s fuchkin awesome! Lol 🙂


    Thanks again this is going in my own database of proving that things heal and work out when I intend them to 🙂

  151.  #151AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Oh geez I am so stupid, I leaned forward and text him it’s been nearly 30 days and I just couldn’t help it….

  152.  #152AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    AmazingMe big dumbhead….grrrrr..nv’s

  153.  #153AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    I feel so ick and vulnerable for what I am about to say but just want to get it out cause I would never say it out loud. Why didn’t he pick me? What’s wrong with me? Why wasn’t I the light of his day? Why did I accept unwanted behavior? How did it get this far? What did I do to deserve a broken heart? Poor me…

  154.  #154AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Will this feeling ever go away? Please someone tell me why? In tears for what, No one fucckkkkkhinnnn cares!!!! Its my fault

  155.  #155AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    Feel Bi-Polar because I am tired of pretending life is so light and fluffy and happy!

  156.  #156tinque on September 16, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    AmazingMe – there is always darkness before the dawn…

    maybe not the most comforting quote, but it’s so true. I can remember so many time when I thought I just couldn’t take anymore, and then the clouds cleared.

    you are loveable just as you are. you are perfect just as you are. the more you believe this, the more others will too, including your very own special man, the one built just for you, your brand of knight in shining armor.


  157.  #157AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    That felt good to hear, Thank you Tinque

  158.  #158Senior Lady Vibe on September 16, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Project Gutenberg’s founder, Michael Hart, passed away this week.
    Michael S. Hart (1947-2011)

  159.  #159Senior Lady Vibe on September 16, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    I am cast upon a horrible, desolate island, void of all hope of recovery.
    But I am alive; and not drowned, as all my ship’s company were.

    I am singled out and separated, as it were, from all the world, to be miserable.
    But I am singled out, too, from all the ship’s crew, to be spared from death; and He that miraculously saved me from death can deliver me from this condition.

    I am divided from mankind—a solitaire; one banished from human society.
    But I am not starved, and perishing on a barren place, affording no sustenance.

    I have no clothes to cover me.
    But I am in a hot climate, where, if I had clothes, I could hardly wear them.

    I am without any defence, or means to resist any violence of man or beast.
    But I am cast on an island where I see no wild beasts to hurt me, as I saw on the coast of Africa; and what if I had been shipwrecked there?

    I have no soul to speak to or relieve me.
    But God wonderfully sent the ship in near enough to the shore, that I have got out as many necessary things as will either supply my wants or enable me to supply myself, even as long as I live.

  160.  #160alias girl on September 16, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    (((amazing me)))) xoxo

  161.  #161Shar lean way back on September 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm

  162.  #162English Woman on September 16, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    £137 SLV

    Oops I have my English keyboard on

    #137 SLV

    I love you and your posts, sorry if I have offended you in any way that was NEVER my intention…..
    I just want to come on here and learn and post and love. 🙂

  163.  #163English Woman on September 16, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    #141 Patricia

    I am coming in here from the bottom of the forum – haven’t read all of the posts yet……….PLEASE don’t tell me it has gone all wrong for you and LDR man……..feeling so sad for you, if it has…I have to catch up….

  164.  #164English Woman on September 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Well the American man who wanted to come here and visit me in jolly olde England has disappeared off the face of the earth, it’s been a week now…….

    And here I am confronted by not so very interesting men on POF, the latest one is a born again Christian biker!!!!!!! Just like my ex husband except he is not a biker……….as far as I know………just a born again bl**dy hypocrite………..

  165.  #165Senior Lady Vibe on September 16, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    @162: English Woman

    Love ya too! 😀

    I’m trying to hang in there and meet my Sweetie Babe at the vortex…


  166.  #166English Woman on September 16, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    OMG I think I am going to have to riff LOL

    I feel so angry at these blo*dy men with their hypocritical ways and their coming in and out of my life…………well just f**k right off and stay away if you can’t deal with me………….dont give me all your sweet talk then disappear into the ether, I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE…………learning to love myself is the greatest (hardest) gift of all…………


    Whitney Houston who forget all this stuff when she got involved with Bobbi Brown LOL!

  167.  #167English Woman on September 16, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Love Whitters, hating vain egotisical Bobbi Brown LOL!!

  168.  #168Emoticon on September 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    It is a really sad time for us college students here in Maryland. A Bowie State student was stabbed to death by her roommate last night. It was her birthday!! They were both young 18 and 19! I feel soooo deeeeply sad about it because I see it as two young girls (almost like myself) losing their lives. It is just too sad 🙁

  169.  #169English Woman on September 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    #168 Emoticon

    That is just too sad, so young. Here in the UK we have 4 miners who got drowned and died today in their mine shaft, it has been on the news all day, but hey maybe they are in a better place ya know……….

  170.  #170AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    It was like a punch in the chest…I knew it was coming and forced it sooner to aid my recovery. Make sense…well to me it does. So I will allow my sorrow and go ahead and go out with a CD tonight. Staying open and warm and will not ever treat anyone like I was just treated. Brushed off like yesterdays crumbs…feels bad. I hope he is happy now!

  171.  #171AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Wow @168 and @169 I am so sorry, That is awful! Feeling silly and selfish complaining at all at least I am blessed in my life to breathe the air that I breathe and the roof over my head and most of all my family and friends who love me dearly 🙂

  172.  #172Emoticon on September 16, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    True. I really had 2 take a step back and be thankful that my biggest problem in college is being in love with an ex. I feel so bad for both of them! English Woman that is really sad that four of them could just drown to death like that. I cannot even imagine the sorrow their families feel because mine is so deep, even not having known any of these people.

  173.  #173Senior Lady Vibe on September 16, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    @English Woman

    Now watching this 4 minute video. I don’t always agree with the male dating coach but remarkably we often strongly agree on some ideas… some ideas… not all of them. Here are some ideas I can resonate with in latest article and video.

    The link with attached /? includes the litttle video.

    How Can You Tell If Your Boyfriend Is Falling in Love With You?



  174.  #174Tmizz on September 16, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    I want someone who believes in me. 🙂

    Oh wait. That can be me!

    (But I want someone else who believes in me, too:)

  175.  #175Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    @ TMizz re: 21 – good article! I find it interesting that the first comment on the article addresses “making men wrong.”

    Good stuff.

  176.  #176Tmizz on September 16, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    OOh, Susan, #139. THank you. I love it! <3

  177.  #177Mel on September 16, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Hi ladies!

    To Tmizz, Butterfly Wings, et al…

    I thought I’d update you all on my date with “guns and ammo” guy. I read your posts to me on the last blog post.

    First off, I’d like to say that I am totally aware that he thinks I’m silly for wanting to try my “I’ll pay” experiment. I know that it would be his pleasure to pay for me anytime we go out. I know that he only “allowed” it to humor me and that his sarcastic comments were because he thought I was being a goof. For sure there was a grain of truth in his comments. He was proving his point that this was all so unnecessary- in a silly way.

    I also know that this is a place for me to heal in myself… feeling guilty when I am receiving too much. But I did express this feeling to him. I said that I was feeling so appreciative, but also kinda bad. That I felt spoiled. Rori does say sometimes it’s good to experiment and see how things “feel” and this was my experiment. He was a good person to practice on because it was all in good fun.

    Anyway… we went out last night and had a fabulous time. I DID pay and we joked about it a bit. I’m sure that he will insist on paying next time (and probably all future times). I definitely get the sense from him that this is something he WANTS to do, which is soooo nice. Truthfully, now that I feel that he really does WANT to step up, it does feel better to allow him to do that. I guess when I’m getting to know someone, I DO want to be polite. It’s a lot easier to receive when I know that the person WANTS to give. Not sure if this makes any sense.

    Anyway, we had a nice dinner and then he invited me in to his place after. We sat on his couch and chatted and joked for quite some time. He moved closer and closer as time passed. At one point he went to fetch his laptop to show me something and came and sat right up against me and put his arm on my leg. We chatted some more… it was like 1:00 in the morning by then and I said I had a great time, but needed to head home to sleep as I had to work in the morning. He gave me a giant grin and said “well thanks for dinner!” I smiled coyly and he gave me a really nice kiss (the first one!!) I kissed him back a , melted “hmmmmm….” and then he walked me to my car.

    So nice! Hopefully he sets something up again soon!

    I have a kayaking date with another super sweet guy tomorrow though. I like this because while it would be easy to start obsessing about my last night’s date, I don’t need to “worry” about him calling etc. because I have other plans. I would definitely welcome another date (and another kiss) from guns and ammo guy though! But I’ll let him pay! 😉

  178.  #178Emoticon on September 16, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Aww sweet story Mel. I like that it wasn’t tragic that u paid for dinner lol

  179.  #179Mel on September 16, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Nope, not tragic…. but I’ve learned my lesson!

  180.  #180LobbyStar on September 16, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    I have 5 guys pushing my cart, and I’m having a ball, just laying back on a satin pillow, feeling the breeze blow through my hair, and watching the clouds go by!

    Last night was date #2 with a CD I normally would not date. I am only mildly attracted to him physically, and worst of all, he lives exactly 100 miles away. But heeding Rori’s advice, I’ve been trying to stay open to him. In fact, I realized that he’s exactly the kind of guy Rori is talking about when she tells us to be open to ALL men, because the right one might not be anything like we expect him to be.

    This dude is really into me. He said as much to me, and I can see it in his eyes. But as he was staring lovingly into my eyes, I felt… numb. Indifferent. I didn’t feel negative toward him, but not positive either. Just sort of there. I think I had put up a wall of sorts. So I kept reminding myself… stay open, stay open… He said that I was sending him signals, but he couldn’t read them.

    And I began to question myself. What is this? Why am I like this? From what I can tell, I really just don’t want to pretend that I feel more for him than I do, so I show nothing, I go blank. I lose every stitch of personality I have. I think it is a fear of intimacy with someone who isn’t what I imagine for myself. Does that make sense? And I tell myself that I’m just protecting him from getting hurt, because I don’t want him to think I’m more into him than I am! Especially if he seems to really like me!

    I do like him, so I am going to see him again, and continue practicing being open. I give myself permission to have feelings for him, if that’s what I’m truly feel.

  181.  #181luzydel on September 16, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    I feel strange…am I being clingy without noticing?

    I have not asked MNCD for anything, he is the one who has asked to see me and set the dates. But last Tuesday after we met, he was a little distant. I feel he is still hung up in his ex, there is nothing going on between them because she has a BF and she has said blatantly that she just want him as a friend; however I feel he would go back to her in a second if she gave him the chance.

    I am playing the fool here and I don’t want to talk about it with him; I feel like leaving. Nice guys will always go for the “bad” girls…She treated him like crap, dumped him after he lost his job, and now she is living in his baseman I believe for free. He told me, there is nothing going on and I believe there is nothing going on. But not because he wants to…

    I need to dump this guy before I get hurt, I gave my number to a new CD just to not get all hung up. But I feel the pressure on my chest. There are not good men for me out there…Going back to the bad ones and players…at least they don’t lie to me.

    Any advise?

  182.  #182Daria on September 16, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    he said i dont want u to think i want to use u as a sex toy


    he said u only been givin me good thoughts since i met u…

    u seem like u know how to treat a guy really well

  183.  #183Lilybelly on September 16, 2011 at 4:03 pm



  184.  #184Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 4:06 pm


    I see no reason for you to dump MNCD. You gave your number to another CD. Cool. There’s no reason you can’t still date MNCD too. I may not know all the background to your story as it’s been awhile since I’ve been to Siren Island regularly, but if he’s coming toward you (and it sounds like he is), there’s no harm in letting him. If he’s feeling distant, that’s fine, too – let him. The only reason I can see why you would feel the need to dump him is if you’re developing feelings for him and feeling scared that you’ll be hurt. If that’s the case, then like me, I suspect not wanting to play the fool and trying to “hurt them before they can hurt you” (I’m just talking about me here, but I think iidentify with what you’re saying and this is how I would have felt about it in the past, however subconscious it may have been), then this is something that is being put b fore you for healing. My suggestion would be to hang in there but be very careful about beocming too invested in the outcome. Stay on your horse, but let him come along for the ride if he wishes. If not, then let him go.

    My fear is that if you dump him, you’ll be faced with this situation again, because he’s bringing something up for healing. Can you explore your feelings around this and let it heal what’s being brought up here? Can you stay uninvested in the outcome and let come what may?

  185.  #185Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    I’d like to share some encouragement with anyone who this may help. I strongly believe in Rori’s tools, but especially in the underlying message, which for me, is to love myself and put my needs first. I don’t always follow things to the letter, and I believe that in the beginning, it’s very hard to put all the tools into practice and even harder to get it perfect everytime. What I have been good at, however, is always keeping the tools in the back of my mind while I’ve bumbled around continuing to get hurt, doing things the “wrong way.” And even though I’ve not practiced them perfectly and even though I’ve made mistakes, I keep taking baby steps and getting what I can at the time right, and I believe more importantly, not beating myself up when I don’t get it right (and practicing accepting me and loving me for my imperfect self).

    I still don’t get it right most of the time, and I still have no happily ever after, but what I DO have is an acceptance of myself that I think is making all the difference in the world. Not just in my love life, but in ALL areas of my life. I just want to share about my love life today though.

    I was seeing a guy last year – and was exclusive with him (and got my heart broken). The thing is, he’s made an appearance again, after a lot of hell, and I just see such a huge change in myself. It’s amazing! I still love him, I love spending time with him, and I even slept with him about a month ago (ad still see him at least once a week). I just feel so strong now. I’m not invested in the outcome, I’m just riding along and if he wants to be there, he can. In the meantime, I’m CDing another guy who’s really nice and he’s really stepping up (although not in his book, I guess because he keeps expressing amazement when he apologizes for not being available & I tell him I think he is). He texts at least every other day, just to see how I’m doing or to arrange a phone call, calls when he says he will and never leaves me hanging. That’s steepin’ up in my book. But…the BEST and most amazing part is that I feel utterly comfortable just being me around either one of them. And the best confirmation I have that this works is the difference in the way the first guy treats me now. He’s generally known as a player in our circles but he buys me dinner and drinks, treats me with more respect than he ever did in the past, but never asks me to go home with him. Which I felt confused about at first – but now, I don’t care! He treats me the way I deserve to be treated and everyone who knows him and his reputation asks me, “what’d you do to him? I’ve never seen him treat a woman like that.” Go me!! And many, many thanks to you, Rori!

    I love you all and I hope this will encourage those of you who need it to just keep working at it. You don’t have to get it perfect all the time (I still don’t). But if you fall off that horse, get back on and ride – keep practicing. And treat yourselves with the same compassion that you do your friends. None of us are perfect, but we’re all learning and we’re all making progress. That’s what matters. It’ll get us where we’re going and we’ll be much happier for it in the long run. Because I don’t know about you, but I’m not just looking for a relationship like I had in the past – I’d rather learn all of this now so when I do find Mr. Right – I’m ready for him!

  186.  #186alias girl on September 16, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    re #180 lobbystar i relate to what you expressed. i feel very uncomfortable when a man is into me more than i am him

    which is probably how a man feels when its the other way around.

    still though i feel very uncomfortable with it and if the guy can’t slow down or back off i tend to not even want to be around him because it feels that uncomfortable.

    after having written that.. i am imagine many people feel similar

  187.  #187luzydel on September 16, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    184: Sweetpea

    Thanks, I am usually the one who start the breakups with every guy I meet…something to think about.

    I do feel fear of getting hurt, fear of loosing myself in a relationship, fear of intimacy…

    I want to heal those fears…

  188.  #188Tmizz on September 16, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Mel #177 – That sounds awesome!

    And it was nice that he let you do your thing. Sounds like you handled it really super well! 🙂

    Have fun kayaking!! xox

  189.  #189Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Getting hurt is a risk we all take anytime we open ourselves up to any relationship – be it a friendship or a romantic relationship. Getting hurt is a fact of life. The problem is in losing ourselves. If you lose yourself and things fall apart, you’ve lost everything. It’s easier to lose someone I think, if I’m ok with me. Still hurts, but I know I’ll be alright. I lost myself completely to a man 10 years ago & I feel like I’m finally finding myself again. Not the wounded, “you can’t hurt me because I don’t need you” me, but the “I love me and if you do too, cool” me. I love that girl!!

  190.  #190Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 5:17 pm


    According to statistics, women usually are the ones to end the relationship. Men don’t get involved in relationships as readily, but when they do, they don’t lose themselves. They may be more committed to it even, than we as women are, but they still do what they please. Therefore, what seems clueless to us is just men being men. And I think it’s a page we’d do well taking from their book. You don’t have to please a man – men please themselves. Alternatively, we have to be happy within ourselves, with or without a man. I don’t know why that’s so hard and such a foreign concept to women (I’m at the front of that line – or at least I was in the past) but tht’s what Rori jeeps saying over and over. We , as women, do ourselves a huge disservice by trying to make everyone else happy. By being such “good little wives” with supper on the table, laundry and dishes done, etc – when in so doing, we make ourselves miserable. And you know the old saying, “when mama aint happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Therefore, the men in our lives feel miserable as well. The secret is not to figure out how to get him to make us happy, but how to make ourselves happy. I’ve always been vewey independent, my Dad says “too independent” yet, I’ve always looked to a man to make me happy. Not anymore – thanks to Rori. When I find Mr. Right, he can bask in my happiness with me, and he might have to fix his own dinner (or order pizza) but I’ll be responsible for my own happines – and mine first and foremost, thanks. Feels like I found the Holy Grail!

    This just popped out at me from the post, “And in Circular Dating – there is no such word as “dumped” because you never got exclusive in the first place!”

    (Not all of this is directed to you, Luzydel. Seems I got off on a tangent). 🙂

  191.  #191Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    I have a question about this post though – I thought it wasn’t a prereq to tell a man we’re dating other guys. If we don’t, then I don’t guess that would really take the sexual pressure off though, would it?

    And I know this has been asked before, but if we are going to tell them we’re dating other guys, how and when is the best time to tell them?

    Daria, ye siren expert, and advice? Anyone else?

  192.  #192Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Oops! I meant, “any advice?”…not “and advice?”

  193.  #193Tmizz on September 16, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Laidee b’daidees….

    I’m about to head off for the weekend. Got a hot date with my Rabbi tonight! LOLz. J/K. He’s totally married. But I’m still excited. I love having dinner with his family.

    And, in other news…I got a sweet new bike helmet today! Yeah! It feels so awesome. My head is going to be protected like it the most cute way possible. 😉

    And I’m still thinking about Vb but I’m not doing anything about it. I’ve composed an email that I thought would be really great to send. It states exactly where I’m coming from, what I want, don’t want. And, IMHO, there is no hint of coercion or even any kind of and “angle” of something that I want from him.

    And yet…I just can’t bring myself to send it. I almost can’t see the point. He might get it and then think, “what the heck is she talking about?” He’s got his own life. He’s definitely not sitting around thinking about whether I want him or not. In fact, he’s probably sitting there completely convinced that I want him. LOL! Which…to be perfectly honest, I don’t! Ha.

    Which is strange. Am I resisting sending the email because I’m afraid of “hurting his feelings”? As if. I mean, he is a full-grown man. And I do mean Man.

    He can take care of himself.

    I guess I’m just afraid of jeopardizing the – haha, total lack of – relationship that we *do* have. You see, it’s bizarre. but for some reason, when I think of him, I have this feeling that he is very close. I haven’t see him in weeks. Haven’t heard from him in only slightly less time than that. And he’s given me no indication that he wants to pursue something with me. Nor should he. But he’s there. I can feel it.

    And I like seeing him on my facebook. I get excited when he pops up on my gchat. (but I resist the urge to chat him up). I’ve leaned forward already, so now I guess I get to lean back. Lean waaaayyyy back. I guess that’s what I’m doing. And sending an email – any kind of email – would feel like leaning forward.

    Right now, I have this calm, stable, grounded feeling. I like that feeling. I don’t want to lose it by reaching out and “doing” something. Like the title of this blog post, no???

    Besides, I am having all sorts of love come to me from all different places. From new CDs. From old CDs cropping up. From friends, randomly asking me to hang out! It feels great. I don’t *need* love from him. He knows I don’t need it.

    And he’s not the most important CD I’ve ever dated. Just perhaps one of the most wealthy, most interesting CDs. And he really had a way of talking to me that I loved. He’s a Real Person, and I appreciate that. He may not be right for me. But it’s so refreshing to meet someone who doesn’t put on a facade of something that they think I should like. He just is who he is, and anyone can take it or leave it.

    I guess that’s what we’re shooting for being like here, right? Just being ourselves, come what may, and if people don’t like it, that’s fine. Because we know that when they *do* like us, they like the Real Us.

    Yay for us! Yay for us being ourselves! We rock!


  194.  #194LobbyStar on September 16, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    So there’s this guy…

    When I first found Rori and this blog, I was mourning a “relationship” with S, a coworker of mine. We had dated for 3 months, and HE is the one who coined it a r’ship. Things were really good with us, or so I thought. One week we had a beautiful day together, the next he became distant and ended it.

    My problem was that pretty much throughout our time together, I felt really insecure, though I went to great lengths to never let on to him. Something didn’t feel right, but I mistook those feelings for NVs (even though I hadn’t learned the term at that point). Then one night, he told me he loved me several times, and then I allowed myself to settle in and feel secure. Of course, about 3 weeks later, he ended it, and I was reeling, very confused.

    He said that if I still wanted to hang out together, as friends, he’d be ok with that, and I told him in no uncertain terms that it was out of the question. He asked if I’d stop by his work area to say hello once in awhile, and I said no.

    My reasoning was that if we had any kind of contact, I would just drive myself crazy, looking for signs that he wanted me back, dissecting his every action and word to determine if he had changed his mind. Such a burden of hope there that things would change, and crushing disappointment when it doesn’t. No thanks.

    For awhile, I stuck to it, because when we’d make eye contact, he’d smile, and I was perceiving it as if he didn’t care that I was hurt and everything was “normal” between us. Eventually (when I started CDing) I felt more comfortable saying hello in passing or giving a nod of acknowledgment. And down the road further, I even would make a point to say hello to him on occasion.

    Lately, in the past week or so, he has been seeking me out. He has approached me a couple times, and he has intentionally walked by my work area a few times, when he really has no valid reason to. Of course, I am analyzing the crap out of it, and questioning if he wants to reconcile, but with 5 CDs, I don’t make myself crazy about it. And I’m not even sure I want him back. (Except I kinda do.) But I think that regardless of his intentions, he is leaning forward.

    With 5 CDs in addition to my regular life (kid, job, self-care), I don’t have the time or energy to lean forward. How wonderful is that?

  195.  #195LobbyStar on September 16, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    186: Alias Girl

    Thank you! It feels great to know I’m not alone in how I feel!

    This dude is WAY more into me than I am him, but I want to give him a chance, give my feelings a chance to develop. As Rori says, soulmates are made, moment by moment, with intention.

  196.  #196Daria on September 16, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    omg i just talked to my VideoCd again and it felt fun and sexy and THEN … AGAIN… i talked about something i felt triggered about and started actually feeling it… and i shared with him!

    AND… it felt comfortable and i did not feel judged…

    and then after… omg i felt so good! i felt my heart open up and i felt Loooveee… and it felt so great to feel safe with him!

    wowww that feeling is so awesome i just loved it!

    loveeee… this new cd

  197.  #197Daria on September 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Sweetpea – mmm… you can tell them in the first conversation, or anytime it comes up really… it doesn’t matter

    what matters is your level of anxiety around this… and how secure you are in your boundary

    i am now feeling so secure in my boundary about it, and that NOTHING, not even supersexygreatmen dissappearing because of it, could shake me off of it

    that it really doesn’t matter When i talk to him about it, it just is whats going on with me… so it will come up whenever it comes up

    does that help?

    it often comes up in the first convo for me, but not always

  198.  #198Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Sweetpea – thank you for sharing about your love life.. omg that feels really encouraging and inspiring! yeah!!!

    i love that “omg what you do to him” q. i want that!

    and i Can have it woo hoo

    i got so many exciting Good guys wanting to see me when i get back to the bay area – im in romania now for another month

    it would feel great to cd here and i saw a sexy ‘mytype’ guy crossing the street… but i felt scared of eye contact… and i have been thinking about and just doing babysteps of teh 5 second look with people in general

    mostly feeling disappointed that i haven’t been able to do it more… but

    like you said, its best not to beat myself up!

    instead i can celebrate when i Do do it

    i think i will record here when i do

  199.  #199Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    ps – speaking of Romance in my life… i’ve been lighting candles, the ones that have been sitting as decorations for years or decades…

    and its feeling so ROMANTIC in my room tonite! omgosh i lvoe this

    and that im doing this for myself

    so wonderful

    thank you Daria!!

  200.  #200Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    im just naturally taking good care of myself and i don’t know whatsup with taht

    wrting that i feel afraid a bit that it will stop but mostly not! yes!!

    i am naturally loving myself yeah!!!

  201.  #201Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    im also buying things without really regarding price

    like if my goddess wants it, i will get it, and she is wanting stuff that works for me and is good for me everytime

    just awesome

  202.  #202Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Tmizz – if that was me, i would totally Not send him any e-mail!

    if he wants to find out my feelings, he can contact me and i can let him know how i feel Then, in the moment

    i just don’t see why i would Send him anything… it would have to be something about me not wanting to sit with my anxiety and be present with my inner self that feels something

  203.  #203Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Lobbystar – you’re doing so freakin awesome!!

  204.  #204Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    wow Shar lean way back… thank you for sharing… i feel moved and shaky watching the clip about the mermaid…

    and she designed that herself and it was all her vison

    how wonderful

    i feel all shaky

  205.  #205Lyka on September 16, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Daria, it’s great that you’re having a good time with that CD! Keep going at it, girl!

    Is anyone else out on a date tonight? Come on, I want to hear success stories, here! lol!

    Seriously, I’ve been meaning to say that for a while and it might sound tacky but I’d really love it if each and every one of you would find the right relationship with the right guy for you. I swear, I had forgotten how it felt to really feel good with someone and I can tell you it feels absolutely wonderful, uplifting and in my case, easy as hell.

    I guess that’s all it comes down to, how easy it is. That’s what you got to find.

    So I wish you all find that and more.

  206.  #206LobbyStar on September 16, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    191: Sweetpea

    I personally only speak about it if asked. And I try to keep it short and sweet and very casual, like it’s no big deal. I pretty much just say I don’t think it’s fair to put my life on hold while a man decides if he wants to be with me.

  207.  #207Starla on September 16, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    Feelin good and grounded and sure of what my feelings and needs are.


  208.  #208Starla on September 16, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    I feel like “Of course I am dating lots of men. I’m single!”

    🙂 So glad to feel this in my bones.

    Feeling amused at guys who get all squirrely cuz they’re fearing you’re gonna wanna have the talk with them, and ask them “what are we? are we together?”

    LOL. i do NOT want to have that talk. no sir. I’ll keep on happily dating and being single until you have something to say about it. Yuck. Me bring it up? Why would I chase a guy like that? Feeling amused!!!!!

  209.  #209Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    thank you daria for doing my exercise… omg i am so good to myself

  210.  #210Daria on September 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    thank you SLV for posting about Michael Hart, i got to find out about the Gutenberg Project through that

  211.  #211Lyka on September 16, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    AG – #186

    re #180 lobbystar i relate to what you expressed. i feel very uncomfortable when a man is into me more than i am him

    which is probably how a man feels when its the other way around.


    I can also relate to that as it happened many times to me. One time that comes to mind: there was this one time a few years ago where I would talk to this guy and everything was alright over the phone, we could chat for hours and not even notice it but then when I saw him, it just went bleh. I had absolutely nothing to share with him. I ended the “date” after 39 minutes. Physical attraction is important to me, even if the guy is not a supermodel or something in that area. I just have to feel an attraction of some sort. If the guy looks like he’s keeping nuts in his cheeks in case he comes about a hard time, I can’t help it, but I can’t just not look at his cheeks and ask myself what it is he’s hoarding in there.

    I may sound fussy but I am not. My sweetie is not a super duper good looking dude, and I am just a regular looking girl with short salt & pepper hair.

    Have you ever been the one who was rejected while on a date? I’m glad to say it never happened to me, even though I’m just a regular looking girl. 😉

  212.  #212Starla on September 16, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    I am feeling so great, and I want to share this great feeling with all of you. It’s spilling out of me, come get some! :):)

  213.  #213Emoticon on September 16, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    So I feel like a rockstar tonight!!! My ex texts me and if I don’t really feel like tlkin abt sumthing I take my time then tell him I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t feel eager to continue a conversation with him. Like I’m leaning so far back I’m laying in the grass, resting my head in my hands n just enjoying the sun kissing my skin all over. Loving me like all my CDs are loving me right now 🙂

  214.  #214Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 8:38 pm


    Romania…how awesome for you! Please do keep us updated on the look. I know that’s something you’ve been practicing for awhile & I know you’ve already been making progress with it. So yes! Congratulate yourself on the progress you’ve made and soon you can write to tell us you’re using it on attractive strangers! Woohoo! Looking forward to it!

    And thank you. It feels good to have progress acknowledged – I feel completely awed at the change I’ve seen in this guy, but more importantly, in myself. Mostly I’m just very, very thankful that I no longer feel like a clingy, neurotic, fearful mess! Sometimes I still have a momentary setback – but it is momentary. It feels great! ;D

  215.  #215Starla on September 16, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Nice, Emoticon! Laying in the grass in the sunshine would feel lovely! I hope tomorrow is warm; I will definitely do this!

  216.  #216Sweetpea on September 16, 2011 at 8:44 pm


    Thanks for your feedback on telling a man I’m seeing others. Very helpful. Thanks to Lobbystar as well. And starla, I love your attitude around this – “of course I’m dating lots of men! I’m single!” Rotfl!

  217.  #217LILI 41 on September 16, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    re:104 Thanks FeminineWomen.
    I see your point.
    I finally got him to say the truth tonight. Not only is he overwhelmed, but in addition he does not trust my intentions towards him. We were both cheated on. His gf cheated on him for a year with his best friend and my boyfriend cheated on me for a year with my friend. Both of these stories happened at the same time allthough my current guy and I didn’t even know each other at that time. He found out and seperated in July and I found out and seperated one month later in the same year. Freaky? He dated a jealous controlling women for a couple of months and I dated a jealous controlling man for a couple of months (both at the same time). We both lived parallel lives without even knowing each other.
    We got together because my close friend’s sister was his neighbor…You would think that with such identical histories, that we would be the best 2 people to understand each other and trust each other. But what ended up happening was that after our stories happened we both ended up being very insecure. I didn’t trust my judgement on men and he didn’t trust his judgement on women. I held back at 1st. He reacted on it which triggered me.
    I realized that I was getting a bad reaction out of him because I was holding back too much. I explained that too him and started to think when I was with him “what would I be doing if I wasn’t scared and acted spontaneously?”. He did not trust my change in behavior. He thought I was changing just because I felt the threat of losing him. I admitted his withdrawal made me think about my mistrusting behavior. But now that I let my wall down, he doesn’t trust my authenticity. He’ll act out his mistrust in me and that in turn will make me back off and shut down. I told him tonight that we have everything it takes to be happy together except we can’t seem to be able to trust each other’s intentions towards another. That is so disappointing! We both love to burn the dance floor together, we have great sx, we laugh…except we can’t trust each other! That feels so friggin ridiculous!
    It bugs him that I don’t voluntarily help him out and it bugs me that he can’t be affirmative and ask for what he wants or needs (my help). Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! This is such a waste of 2 compatible people, it’s nuts!

  218.  #218AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    Wow I had a great time with the kids making a healthy snack watermelon popcicles…yummy. We will see how they turn out! I am getting pretty sleepy but my mind is racing! Ahhh…uggghhh and I leaned forward tonight. It’s ok I will be fine something better is out there for me 🙂

  219.  #219AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    I didn’t go out with my cd tonight….I spent it with my sister and kids and it was nice and relaxing for most part. I am so excited I will be testing for boards on the 13th…yay!

  220.  #220AmazingMe on September 16, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    OK since I am lonely and alone on siren island I am going to riff a bit…It’s late and I cannot sleep!What the heck is meant to heal in all this. I mean I walked away(too many times) and went about my business it was very hard to walk but it was pretty much my only choice. So why did he come back into my life? Why did we have amazing sex again? Why did he look me in the eyes like that? Why does he make me feel so good just being with him? How can he say he has a conscience? I know I made my choice but how dare he take me for granted? He changed my life, lessons were learned. I am still the same person but stronger and wiser so I thank him and move on. The game was over a long time ago I was foolish to even attempt to play a machine that was out of order. I am sorry I didn’t see the sign.

  221.  #221alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:03 am

    i feel happy to report that things seem to have worked out ok.

    it was weird for a day but now it feels ok.

    and i feel excited again.

    and i feel really happy and appreciative for the opportunity.

    this is pretty much the first time i am being paid for my creative skills and doing something i enjoy

    that feels so good to write that


    i was hiking earlier today and i just thought, “yes, I am here now. i have done it. nothing can stop me. there is nothing stopping me.”

  222.  #222AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 12:07 am

    Alias Girl inspiring! Good for you, what a great opportunity!

  223.  #223Emerson on September 17, 2011 at 12:36 am

    Ack, Recycled called me the other night (wed) and left a message. I wasn’t sure how I was feeling so I took a while to get back to him.
    Friday I texted him instead of calling, becaues lateley I don’t like talking to him on the phone. He tends to be rushy on the phone and I hate that, and I don’t feel connected. Blech.

    I texted a feeling message but now that I read it back again it sounds robotic and stiff….I wish I hadn’t sent it.

    And I haven’t heard back from him either. Meh.

  224.  #224Emerson on September 17, 2011 at 12:40 am

    Oh and no word from father of three….blah I leaned forward on that one and even though I don’t even like him “like that” it still feels bad to be ignored after such persistent flirting and trying to get my attention.

    Silly boys.

  225.  #225Emerson on September 17, 2011 at 12:42 am

    oh yawn.. my dating site is so booring. Almost all the guys are out of state. Snooze. And not in my age range, reality range, planetary range….oh I am tired. Nitey nite. Wishing for more CDs perhaps I shall round one up this weekend.

  226.  #226Emerson on September 17, 2011 at 12:43 am

    I’m trying to do what Daria says and “forget he exists” about recycled

  227.  #227alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:48 am

    text convo from random dude from an unrecongizable number at 12:45 am on fri night.

    dude:was up how u been

    goddess: whz dz

    dude: jas

    goddess: whos jas. never met jas in my life.

    dude: u gave me ya number on pof

    goddess: when

    dude: i dnt knw a week or so…

    goddess: hm. i dunno.

    dude: what’s your nationality

    goddess: this feels lame. in so many ways.

  228.  #228alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:50 am

    over it. im over it.

    im over “giving them a chance” and “helping them along” and “remaining open… in the face of utter cluelessness”



    thank you.

  229.  #229alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:52 am

    #222 thank you amazingme. 🙂 yes i really feel good about it.

  230.  #230alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:55 am

    im going to write the “rori companion.”

    i believe she’s gotten 90% right spot on.

    but i think i can add 10% that is a slight tweaking.

    (says the utterly single woman with no cds in her rotation.)

  231.  #231alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:59 am

    guy is still texting me. lol.

  232.  #232alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 1:00 am

    maybe i am “the punisher”.

    i attract me who like to be punished

    for being so damn clueless

    i dont want to be the punisher.

    i want to be the romantic goddess siren love thing. that’s what i am. i love me.

  233.  #233English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 1:02 am

    #106 Patricia

    I am a little confused here, do we have 2 Patricia’s on the board maybe?

    Are you the Patricia in Canada who had found somebody on e-Harmony who lived a long way from you?

    I didn’t have time to read the whole blog last night and just responded to a post when I logged on not knowing the whole story…….

  234.  #234English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 1:10 am

    I keep thinking about LOA and how I seem to attract two distinct groups of men to my POF profile.

    Young ‘uns (am I Madonna? LOL)

    Old, old codgers (am I Anna Nicole Smith? bigger LOL)

    And barely anybody in the middle years in my age group, at least none I am attracted to, I think I may have to bite the bullet and do the RR thing of just getting myself out there for coffee dates, etc.

    Sigh, I don’t feel motivated or excited but somehow like I will be performing a task I don’t particularly want to do, a bit like housework really. 😀

  235.  #235English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 1:15 am

    #125 Turquoise

    BRILLIANT post (like icon needed here!!) 🙂

  236.  #236English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 1:33 am

    #173 SLV

    I actually really liked that. Thank you for sharing. 😀

  237.  #237English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 1:56 am

    #211 Lyka

    Spluttered my tea over my laptop there!! Nuts in his cheeks in case he comes on hard times ha ha ha ha!!! There have been a few “squirrely” mentions just lately. 🙂

    But I sooo know what you mean, there HAS to be some kind of attraction……even if nobody else sees it, it’s what YOU see that counts.

    Look at all the “odd” couples you know or see in magazines or on the TV, and you think WTH does she/he see in the other…….it takes all kinds…….

  238.  #238Patricia on September 17, 2011 at 4:20 am

    lol looks like there are two Patricias….I have not been on in over a week…hmmm how to distinguish the two of us…..I am the one in Canada and I`ve been talking about my LD this summer….I will think of another pen name and let you all know chickies!!!

  239.  #239Patricia Northern Girl on September 17, 2011 at 4:26 am

    or how about just Northern Girl…

  240.  #240Patricia Northern Girl on September 17, 2011 at 4:29 am

    or maybe Aurora Girl….I love the northern lights!

    yes….Aurora Girl it is! I love the wispy lights, of colour and brightness in the night sky….of the movement…the dancing lights……like a siren…..in the night sky.

    I love transformations! xoxox

  241.  #241Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 4:36 am

    Ta da!

    ok update on LD…..I`ve continued to use Rori`s tools….thank you Rori…they work work work! LD came to visit last weekend and it was the first time he stayed with me and my children…..he met some members of my family and friends because we had a birthday BBQ for a family member….he was such a gentleman…..couldn`t do enough to help…was gracious and kind to my kids….generous with his time….generous with gifts….my kids loved him! He felt so welcome……

    Like Rori mentions…the 3 month mark is important…..LD and I first met online in early July, and inperson in August..lol …the 3 month mark will be by end November or December….it will be interesting to see how things go….meanwhile I am CDing every man I see and it does keep things in balance…..LD has expressed interest to be exclusive with me…………..in my mind I am exclusive with no one…..sexually I `ll be exclusive with one man (LD at this time) and in my heart I want to feel deep love for my children, my family and see how deep love can be for a man…………yet not feel suffocated…………I like Rori`s water wheel analogy…it has been so helpful…and leaning back……and the adventurous attitude of exploring and experimenting and letting love grow without having to do…..so many feelings to explore…….

    BTW Happy Birthday Ella all weekend!!!!


  242.  #242Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 4:36 am

    EW – #237:

    Hmmm, maybe not a squirrel, more like a rat. Actually, squirrels are just big rats with a bushy tail.

    This guy also played drums – some gals also mentioned drums here lately – which really turned me on at first but I guess he couldn’t get the right beat with me after all. Plus, we were having coffee on an outdoor terrace right on one of the busiest streets in the city. That date was so pleasant…NOT!!!!

    My sweetie looks like a mix of a young Robert Plant with a little bit of Sieur Louis de Frontenac thrown in there, he has long curly hair. I so love his hair, so much fun to mess with it! 🙂

  243.  #243Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 4:47 am

    Aurora Girl – #241:

    Way to go! It feels nice to read that!

    PS I almost wrote AG but we already have one AG…

  244.  #244Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 4:48 am


    Chickies I wanted to share this with you….I am not invested in anyway in promoting these….but a dear friend of mine passed these along years ago and I have found them a great source of clarity and comfort for me and reading about each of the Goddesses has been helpful as an ever growing and transforming Siren! The art work is beautiful by Susan Seddon Boulet….

    When I think of my sentiments above about being exclusive to `no one`I think of the card in this group depicting the Goddess IX Chel…..it says` she is an ancient Mayan mood goddess (btw I am a cancer 🙂 ) ……called the queen….our mother…the white lady…the goddess of becoming….Although married to the sun she is fiercely independent, allowing no one to own her…she remains free to come and go as she chooses….she makes women fertile…she is patroness of weaving…..she is comfortable with all sides of her life…….`…

    There are other words in the description but I just love this……and I love how she exudes the siren in us all……

    wanted to share with you this morning…


  245.  #245Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 4:52 am

    Lyka 211, 243

    Good morning!

    lol I thought your squirrel analogy was too cute!!!!!


  246.  #246Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 5:08 am


    Has any of this happened to you?

    Another botched date. “God, that was awful. Screw men!”

    Another confusing encounter. “He gave me his card. Should I call?”

    Another HUGE disappointment. “He was so great. If only he could’ve …!”

    Dating can feel so dramatic. So frustrating. So %&*$’d up!

    You’re a smart, talented, capable, sensitive woman. You can have/be/do whatever it is you want. So why is it you can’t have a man to share it with?

    Why is so difficult? Hmmmm. Well…

    It’s because modern society has set you up for failure when it comes to modern romance.

    If you don’t know how to “star” in a modern love story, it’s likely you’ll stay single the rest of your life.

    There’s a reason we’re so confused in romance. It’s not by accident. There’s no secret why you’re single. And it’s not your fault.

    Let me introduce you to a good friend and colleague, Cherry Norris.

    Cherry is a self-proclaimed former dating disaster who’s currently in a hot, happy marriage of over a decade – and she didn’t find him until she was over 40! But when she did, using everything she learned NOT TO DO anymore, he declared himself and moved across the world to be with her – giving up EVERYTHING to rush to her side, after knowing her less than a month!

    That’s how powerful her newfound “tools” and “tricks” worked for her, and she’s used them to help others now for years, too.

    She’s been through it, seen it, done it, learned it and can help you meet and marry your man!

    Meet Her and Watch Her Video Here –

    Watch now –> http://bit.ly/qKrP33

    Cherry’s information and practical advice will help you through the perils of love and into meeting your man.

    You’ll learn why modern society is so confused in love, how we got here and what you can do to have the relationship you want.

    She’ll also tell you the most embarrassing dating disaster story she ever had (it includes FAINTING!)… and how you can avoid making the same mistakes! (Fainting was the least of her problems with that guy… and he was dreamy!)

    Click Here to Watch now –> http://bit.ly/qKrP33

    Enjoy the show!

    Carol Allen

    P.S. Cherry is a leader and pioneer in helping smart, savvy, sensitive women meet and marry their men. If you’re a woman who has it all, except the one thing you really want… a man to share it with, I truly believe she can help you. And that you’ll just adore her like I do. See for yourself and check out her video now here: Watch now –> http://bit.ly/qKrP33

  247.  #247Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 5:08 am


    and how are things with your LD…….I have been thinking of you….

  248.  #248Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 5:29 am

    Aurora Girl – #245:

    Glad I could make you laugh this morning! 🙂

  249.  #249Emoticon on September 17, 2011 at 6:13 am

    Good Morning Sirens. Love the new name “Aurora Girl”.

    So good news! I have a new CD. He is actually in Louisiana though. He goes to school with one of my best friends. The distance is great yeah but that doesn’t bother me unless I focus on the outcome. I had talked to him on the phone 2 nights ago when I was talking to my friend. She asked me if it was okay 2 give him my number (I’m guessing he asked her). I was like sure go ahead n give it 2 him. I loved his accent so much, his love for math (he’s a math major n I’m an actuarial science major which is like math for risk management in case you’ve never heard of it). So he texted last night and I had a blast talking to him but I love his accent so much and would really rather talk to him on the phone but didn’t wanna tell him hey call me next time I don’t wanna txt lol. So instead when he said something really cool at one point I said “I would have loved to hear that in your accent!” He responded n said “I’m gonna give u a call tomorrow night around 10 central time.” So I said that sounds great. Also he said he really wanted 2 meet me and take me out. So if I had intentions of coming in December for my friends graduation he would and if not we’ll have to “see what we gon do” lol so I told him that I was planning on attending her graduation and I would be happy to go out with him while I’m there!

  250.  #250Emoticon on September 17, 2011 at 6:27 am

    Also, I was on twitter just tweeting about how I opened my heart up to moths (which I was scared of) and as soon as I decided to do that, I saw such a beautiful moth sitting in the grass by the path I take home. It was about 4 different shades of brown n had such a cool pattern of spots on its wings. I’m very much into naming stuff and talking to them (including my body parts lol) so I looked at it and said “hi Ariana!” It didn’t respond or anything lol but I never did think that I would ever see a moth that I thought was beautiful in my life. I named her Ariana because my exs gf kept trying to convince me that moths weren’t that bad she said they were misunderstood butterflies lol and her name is Areial so I made them twins :-). So anywayz, while I was tweeting about this I suppose guys could tell this was coming from the Siren Goddess here. Many guys were responding to my tweets which sort of made me feel shocked but happy because I was being appreciated for who I am 🙂 and for my real feelings, even if they were being directed at a moth! One of the guys even sent me a direct msg askin if its ok for him to text me and for my number. Talk about a vibe-shift!

  251.  #251Mel on September 17, 2011 at 6:34 am

    Yay Emoticon!

    I’m finding that guys really dig when I’m feeling whimsical. It’s so playful and carefree. My guess is that you naming the moth and saying how it made you feel made him think about how fun and effortless time spent with you would be.

    Keep it up!

  252.  #252Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Mel and Emoticon
    Good morning!

    Mel is the cool air descending on your little corner of Canuck land like it is in mine just west of you…….oh fall is on it`s way…..leaves changing as we speak!

    Emoticon I love your way of `opening to things“….opening to moths for example…..what a beautiful way to put it and watch what shows up in life…..I love that….thank you for that new gift!


  253.  #253Mel on September 17, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Hey Aurora Girl?

    Where are ya? Here in the NCR, it’s going to be 20 degrees and sunny. I actually like it when the weather’s crisp (but not too cold). Leaves are still green here, but probably not for long, as the nights have been cool. I need someone to snuggle with for the cooler nights ahead….

    I think there’s another canuck on here often… it may be Lyka?

  254.  #254Mel on September 17, 2011 at 7:03 am

    that was supposed to me “Hey Aurora Girl!” LOL

  255.  #255Mel on September 17, 2011 at 7:03 am

    “be” Argh! I hate auto-complete!

  256.  #256Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 7:17 am


    I use to be `Patricià`until I realized that there`s another one….so adjusted my name to alleviate confusion…….and I`m glad I did….it`s fun………you and I chatted awhile ago on this blog…and I have the LD I`ve been keeping everyone up to speed about…..so I`m still about 500 miles west of you on the TransCan….

    and I`m still cheering you on chickie!!!!!

  257.  #257Butterfly Wings on September 17, 2011 at 7:20 am

    113: Femininewoman – Aww thank you so much for thinking of me! It feels really good to know somebody cares. 🙂

    Things are still kind of “up in the air” although I’m pretty sure he’s sticking around because he asked me earlier if I was home tonight. I told him I was but that a gf was coming over, so he said he’d leave me to it. I suppose he would’ve come over if it wasn’t for her.

    You know, all of this makes me realise just how much a guy will “tolerate”. Surely if he didn’t like me “that” much, he would’ve run LONG ago I’m sure! I really have let him have it many times the last 18 months and I often forget the feeling messages and just blurt it all out! Poor guy! haha!

    Oh well. I am in better spirits and had a lovely evening with a close friend watching chick flicks! It was nice. 🙂

    Happy birthday Ella before I forget! Although I think I may be a day late?!

  258.  #258Patricia on September 17, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Just an update #106 (not Northern Girl) lol
    There have been a couple of things going on in my CD the latest was what Feminine and I were chatting about…and what #25 was able to help me with with the article “gaslighting”. This is what I’m learning when I’m now looking across the table at another possble CD =) Now that I am able to push away and review the situation I dont think with the (what do I referr to him as) ONS that it was so much that I slept with him, it seemed to be a bit of a concern but we kept chatting and made plans; and I didn’t give you the whole scinario…there was a part of our conversation where I said “you took a real chance that I couldn’t get pregnant when I told you I couldnt.” He said “maybe I liked you enough that it didnt matter.” I found this charming and endearing…lol However 2 days later he brught it up again, said he had a dream that I was pregant and said he wouldnt mind it…I told him that I really culdnt be at this point but I do want another baby, it would take some work, I also want it tobe right. This is when he started to ack off. I am pushing away from that mountain and noticing that there were a few signs that something wasnt right. First he gets involved purposely with women that are far away both me and his last girlfriend were over 100miles from him. He said his last girlfriend got “crazy” and his second wife was “crazy”. That he didn’t like to be “fussed at” and his last girlfriend got really angry and yelled at him when he didnt go to her house on a weekend they were supposed to see eachother and flipped out. I said to him that I would be a little upset myself but I wouldn’t yell, I will tell you once that soemthings a problem..I will warn you maybe a second time and give you a chance to correct it and by about the third time you and I smply wouldnt have a realtionship. I told him I would have flet disappointed and if he and I made plans I wouldn’t expect him to cancel last minute and I didn’t want to be a part of his “maybe” plans if I was going to be in a realtionship. When now I realize for HIM a realtionship is being “exclusive” and he is not capable of doing more than that; he likes being a Daddy and wants to have a Mommy for another baby but he doesnt (right now) understand what a “realtionship” is. So I feel confident that I stood up (even after sex) and said what I wanted and gave him the choice and me the choice to back out if it wasn’t what he wanted. He had time to think about it too. I am conviced he liked me and even enough to attempt HIS best at a relationship but I let him know in our Sunday conversation that that was not going to fly with me. He thought about it and made a choice…I feel happy that he made the best choice for him..he said he didnt think he could keep me happy…and he was right he probably couldnt and I didnt argue with him…I let him go. If he comes back he will know a little better whoI am, what I want and I wont be having His baby any time soon…lol On to the next CD after my break and def no more committments until I know he’s going to be able to do the work =) Thanks RORI and ladies (Feminie)

  259.  #259Esteemed on September 17, 2011 at 7:42 am

    Hi all! Not much internet access these days. I miss being here. Keeping up with posts somewhat.

    R and I are back to a minimal friendship via text. We’ve both concluded we both need more healing til we spend much time together. I’m glad he’s back at church.

    Unrelated, I dreamed that where I was sleeping, all of a sudden there was a litter of kittens. Then a litter of spiders, then tiny baby bunnies …on and on more animals were born on my bed of different kinds of animals, some cute and some dangerous and ugly. I felt scared and horrified, and I was glad when I woke up to get out of the dream. Does anyone know what it means?

  260.  #260Patricia on September 17, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Okay on another note I had another yay me…theres a story to this but am going to say that a man that I was in a long term relationship with (that simply made another choice) and I agreed to keep him as my friend on FB has been deleted. When I told him out of respect that I could no longer be friends he lost it and was very hurt and angry. He stated its okay that he was used to being hollow and alone…anyway he was told under no uncertain terms that he needed to be happy with his choice but he couldnt have me too and that I deserved love…there was a little more to it but I ended it for good…I cried because it was sad but now that frees those thoughts up for the positive and beautiful things I want to think about…not when he decides to peek inon me. He had the audacity to say that he thought “WE” were doing fine checking in on eachother….ick. Any way YAY me..on to the next CD once I have a chance to regroup. 65 dates in 3 mos is a lot and I think I just became weak and tired and unalbe to “see” with all the people in and out…made me feel confused…and rushed as having trouble leaning back and realxing. It was becoming a chore not fun and pleasing…now i need to review my love affair with Toxic Men..I know why Im drawn to them but breaking that habit…that’s a tough one

  261.  #261Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 9:08 am


    from one Patricia (now Aurora Girl) to another Patricia………I think you can break the habit……..I just want to cheer you on…………you can do it!


  262.  #262LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Thanks Feminine Women

    Re: Heartache is a habit.

    Keeping that one. I expressed the kind of life and relationship I wanted to my bf last night. Shifted the focus.
    Something I wasn’t able to do when I 1st met him because I didn’t really know what I wanted and was so insecure: I was shut off and was holding back…which is what made him not trust me and not feel safe. He said it exactly like that last night. Now that I know what I want and realize that it’s what he wanted to give me, he is having a hard time trusting that this new me is authentic. That’s how living in “heartache mode” when you meet the right man can ruin the possibilities of a great relationship.
    The text you posted definitely validates and helps me with my situation.
    But how will he ever believe now that my new vibe reflects the real me? He is afraid that when he commits to me that I will take him for granted and go back in my old “heartache mode” ways.
    I said to him that we have everything we need to be happy together except for trust in ourselves and each other.

  263.  #263Patricia on September 17, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Thank u Aurora Girl..I know I can too and I have to some degree but what I have realized is that they challenge my competativeness and my wanting to “win” this guy knew it was a challenge for me because he challenged me to believe in “love at first sight.” He instinctively knew that I was “no way prove it.” so by some morbid curiosity I traded what I wanted for the challenge..ick My life and my feelings are not a game and I am responsible..I have to recognize when they’re playing and not play back..lol

  264.  #264LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 9:40 am

    re: Heartache is a habit.

    Gee whiz! I just noticed something.
    I shared what I wanted last night w my bf and let all my emotions and feelings out about it. I said Our mistrust towards each other makes me feel angry and frustrated. I feel unimportant and It makes me feel like withdrawing. I do not want that kind of relationship.
    I did not feel the fear, I did not give in to insecurity about the outcome and let it all out.
    What happened next was: He totally opened up and was honest for the 1st time about everything. Instead of coddling me and telling me things that he thought I would want to hear, he spoke in raw honesty and expressed his true feelings.
    He left by saying that he has a lot of thinking to do.

  265.  #265LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Hi Mel, I’m a canuck too. 20 degrees and sunny in my area too.

  266.  #266Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 10:07 am

    LILI and Mel
    ok who wants to send over about 5 degrees…..it`s only 15 here where I am in Canuck land!!! sunny tho and loving it!

  267.  #267Mel on September 17, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Lili 41

    East? West? Central?

  268.  #268VW on September 17, 2011 at 10:08 am


  269.  #269Daria on September 17, 2011 at 10:16 am

    omg … today felt fun, i just opened my computer first time, i spent the day outside in front of the building chillin and atlking with my friend and neighbor from downstairs, making jewelery, i got some new ones from her and i made myself a sea star neclace from the sea star i have it feels amazing

    and i feel Tired!!


    last nite i dreamt something that felt good and i only rmemer this part about some goddess telling me that i should go take my shoes to get resoled, they are cute


  270.  #270Daria on September 17, 2011 at 10:30 am

    aww i feel sad for what looks to me as some sirens shooting themselves in the foot

    and i dont feel safe to offer advice

    i dont really feel safe to say what i would do in that situation

    i feel kinda guilty and excited not to, like im gloating with my secret “preciousssss”

    like Golum in lord of teh rings

    like ‘yessss, we know the secret, Precioussss, don’t we… yesssss we do’

  271.  #271Mel on September 17, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Off to my kayaking date!

    This guy rocks… he actually payed attention last time we were yaking over coffee and thus suggested a awesomely fun date! It’s a tandem boat… so cute!

  272.  #272Daria on September 17, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Mama’s Daily Fluff:
    The act of glorifying your life makes you feel good as you move through different moments of your day.

    – Mama Gena

  273.  #273LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 10:53 am

    re 194.
    LobbyStar that is wonderful !

  274.  #274FlowerChild77 on September 17, 2011 at 10:56 am

    I haven’t been online for awhile and need to catch up. I definitely notice when I don’t spend time here (or with Rori’s material in some way) that I tend to ‘forget’ I’m a Siren (or trying to be!) I guess I really need the reinforcement on a regular basis…

    Daria…is there any way you can post pictures of where you are in Romania? (Or maybe you do have photos on FB?)

    I hope I’m not being too nosey…I’d just love to see pictures of where you are.

    SLV…I wanted to let you know that by the 6th of September, a financial situation was resolved (and with it all the stress it was causing me) 🙂 AND some personal things had started to fall into place, also. Each time I look at the calendar, I think of you. Thank you <3

    Back to my catching-up-on-the-blog reading…

  275.  #275Daria on September 17, 2011 at 10:59 am

    “Closure can simply be having the final word in a simple conversation.

    It can be about “owing” what time he’s picking you up, or knowing if he’ll ever call, or knowing what will happen next week.

    And Closure is the thing we try to get about all these things that leave us feeling uncertain.

    It’s that feeling of “If I could just know for sure…”

    The thought that you NEED to have the “final” word. That you need to be “heard.”

    And this Tool is so you forget all about those things.

    I want you to forget about EVER getting Closure – about anything.

    Forget about ever understanding anything completely, or getting everything you want to say out on the table, or finally feeling heard and understood by HIM.”

  276.  #276Daria on September 17, 2011 at 11:01 am

    Flower Child – i don’t have a lot of pictures of where i am 🙂 just pictures of me… hehehe

  277.  #277Daria on September 17, 2011 at 11:07 am

    “This is not about being “High Maintenance” and “Dramatic.”

    This is not about you being so busy that you don’t have time for a man.

    This is not about you pretending not to care, or deliberately not answering calls or playing the “game” of “hard-to-get.”

    It’s about you actually BEING a sought after woman, who all men find attractive and interesting – pretty much by just BELIEVING you are!

    So – your degree of difficulty is directly related to your real self-confidence, and that’s what we’re going to raise by this “No Closure” Tool.

    No Closure is about never putting a “finish” on things.

    Never asking for a “finish,” or a “wrap-up” or a “de-briefing” or even a “clear understanding.”

    It’s about letting go of conversations, letting go of phone calls, letting go of ever hearing from him again, letting go of trying to figure out what that “look in his eye” meant, or what those things he said to you “really meant” or any of that.”

  278.  #278Daria on September 17, 2011 at 11:11 am

    “So, go ahead and imagine right now that YOU are EXPENSIVE – meaning you have High VALUE, a High Degree of Difficulty, and you’re very hard to get – NOT because you’re “difficult to be with,” but because you ALWAYS go with your FEELINGS.”

  279.  #279Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Mel – #253:

    Yes, I’m a French Canuck from Quebec. It’s sunny and around 17-18C. Not quite sure, as my thermometer shows 14 in the shade.

  280.  #280Daria on September 17, 2011 at 11:12 am

    “at would that look like?

    Well, let’s say it’s something simple.

    He hasn’t called in three days, the weekend is coming up, and you don’t have a date with him yet.

    You check your cell phone to make sure he didn’t leave a message, you check your email to make sure he didn’t leave a message.

    Now what?

    Well, you can imagine what’s going on in your head.

    “He’s in an accident. He forgot. He tried to call but couldn’t get through. He has family issues. Things are rough at work. He’s overwhelmed by the idea of a relationship. Something’s wrong. He’s dumping me…”

    You could probably go on for hours on just this one thing.

    So, what’s the No Closure thing to do?

    The “No Closure” thing to do is to…

    4. DO NOTHING.

    That means – not try to piece it together, or understand it, or make sense of it, or put a lid on your feelings, or send him good thoughts, or ANYTHING.

    So – how do you do that?


  281.  #281LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 11:18 am

    re 266. Hi Mel, Hi Aurora Girl!

    I’m in the East. Where are you?

  282.  #282LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 11:22 am

    re: 278

    Lyka! I am a French Quebecker too. I would never have thought to see so many Canucks here.

  283.  #283Shannon on September 17, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Hello everyone! I’m new to this and am in need of advice. What program of Rori’s would be best if my boyfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago? My intuition tells me that we aren’t over over yet. I’m over the break up and am not thinking like that crazy emotional woman anymore. He has told me that he’s never lost his feelings fo me that we drifted apart. And I totally understand what my role in the break up was. I was clingy land insecure…..which I am neither of those. When we met I had just moved across the country from WA to MA. I just recently shared with him my self discovery and he asked why I was that way when I’m really not. I explained to him that when you take someone out of everutging they know and are put some place they don’t know…..it can happen. He said he understood and that time will tell.

    I’m just really impatient because I know what I want and I want it now. Lol. He was very patient with me when I first met him, I told him I wasn’t ready to date cuz I just moved and was having some family issues. It was about 6 months if not longer before we really started talking again and then got into the relationship. We were together for about 9 months. Should I be patient and wait? He still looks at me like he loves me and touches me the same way. I can’t nor can he deny that there isn’t something between us. I love him and this feels different then anyone I have dated before.

    Any help would be wonderful. I waa trying to keep it short by giving key points. If you need more info please let me know!

  284.  #284Shannon on September 17, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Hello everyone! I’m new to this and am in need of advice. What program of Rori’s would be best if my boyfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago? My intuition tells me that we aren’t over over yet. I’m over the break up and am not thinking like that crazy emotional woman anymore. He has told me that he’s never lost his feelings fo me that we drifted apart. And I totally understand what my role in the break up was. I was clingy land insecure…..which I am neither of those. When we met I had just moved across the country from WA to MA. I just recently shared with him my self discovery and he asked why I was that way when I’m really not. I explained to him that when you take someone out of everything they know and are put some place they don’t know…..it can happen. He said he understood and that time will tell.

    I’m just really impatient because I know what I want and I want it now. Lol. He was very patient with me when I first met him, I told him I wasn’t ready to date cuz I just moved and was having some family issues. It was about 6 months if not longer before we really started talking again and then got into the relationship. We were together for about 9 months. Should I be patient and wait? He still looks at me like he loves me and touches me the same way. I can’t nor can he deny that there isn’t something between us. I love him and this feels different then anyone I have dated before.

    Any help would be wonderful. I was trying to keep it short by giving key points. If you need more info please let me know!

  285.  #285Emoticon on September 17, 2011 at 11:36 am

    😀 Hi! Hope the weekend is going gr8 on Siren Island! Well I’m in the apartment alone this weekend, its cold and gloomy outside. I felt lonely for a little bit but then I remembered my reputation as the girl who could never get bored. So I found that girl and she kept me company. I’m guessing she is my boy lol. So my boy made me breakfast in bed imagine that. Then put on the movie Don Juan de Marco. It was AWESOME!! Then my boy found a burlesque dance workout on demand for me to do. I know Rori said pole dancing but burlesque is pretty fun and sexy and will have to do for now. I’ve really enjoyed the day so far and now I will proceed to the mall where I will get myself some shoes, brush cleaner for my makeup and hopefully something comes up to do tonight. If not…I guess its me n my boy finding fun things to do around the house!

  286.  #286Senior Lady Vibe on September 17, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Where’s it going with a man?

    Hmmm. Something for me to ponder. I plan to CD until I have something real going on…

    four minute video…



  287.  #287Senior Lady Vibe on September 17, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Duran Duran “Hungry Like The Wolf”



  288.  #288Daria on September 17, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    wow Emoticon you rock!!

    my boy is putting on Supernanny episodes for me to watch now

  289.  #289English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    #240 Aurora Girl

    Love the new name Patricia, phew so hard to keep up with the name changes LOL!! 🙂

  290.  #290Ella on September 17, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Wow Sirens,

    At this precise moment I have an almost overwhelming hollow feeling in my tummy, like a ball of panic and a knot of bad feelings.

    It is a familiar feeling to me and today and often feels almost overwhelming/overpowering.

    It also feels like MASSIVE tension in my forehead – I can feel I am holding my brow really creased up and tense… feels like tightness behind my eyes.

    And I also feel so tired.

    This is a feeling I get often the day after a big night out, and especially if I had a drink. And also often if I get triggered by a man…

    I know its just a feeling and yet it feels so overwhelming, almost like it could destroy me (which I know isn’t true)..

    Trying to sink into it and it is just so hard with this particular one.

    Maybe I will try the drop to the floor tool.

  291.  #291alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    #234 EW lol. i am rooting for you! please report back on your dates!!

  292.  #292English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    #246 Aurora Girl

    He has poofed yet again, so many lovely emails last week and since then……..nada………..no more “friendly” leany forwardy emails from me, see that is what I USED to do and think I was so cool, but really I wasn’t being cool because I was invested in the outcome………but I am not any longer……IF and WHEN he does contact me I will be playing it the RR full on from now on in, I can see with my own eyes that this truly works for decent blokes who care.

    I have LOTS of potential CD’s on POF but am not really very interested in any of them, but will keep up the dialogue and the practise.

    I am so very happy it is working out for you and LDR man. 😀

  293.  #293Senior Lady Vibe on September 17, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    @210: Daria says:
    “…thank you SLV for posting about Michael Hart, I got to find out about the Gutenberg Project through that…”

    You’re welcome. I posted a little “Robinson Crusoe” excerpt — number 57 on the top 100. It feels like that on siren island sometimes, safe but anxious, pulling ourselves together and making use of our resources, stretching and preparing for the future!

    The Project Gutenbeg top 100 is yummy but it’s easy to start reading over there… and then you have to come up for air….
    hahaha 😆



  294.  #294alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    #258 esteemed it means you feel overwhelmed. and a lil afraid.

    but you are on a good track now. getting back on your feet. your life is stabalizing. all is well…

  295.  #295alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    #270 mel. i feel so jealous of your cding life. so jealous.

    dear universe, i want to be successful in cding and enjoying it like mel. thank you.

  296.  #296English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    In fact I am off right now to do some RR dialogue with these men, they mean nothing to me, I haven’t even met any of them yet, so I cannot get hurt or anything else………mmmm……..little light bulbs going off in my head now………

    One man is in the USA, well MY G*D I will never go there again LOL!! Sexy American accent or not LOL!!

  297.  #297alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    #284 emoticon yae for dating yourself. good job!

  298.  #298English Woman on September 17, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    #289 Ella

    Never mind dropping to the floor!! Aren’t you supposed to be at your own birthday party right now? Here is me with a bottle of wine in my hand and a lovely bunch of red roses for the Birthday Girl!!! 🙂

  299.  #299AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    @283 Shannon: I am very familiar with this type of situation. The best advice I can give is to LEAN WAYYY BACK and take care of and love yourself! If you love him and he loves you and it is meant to be…it will be. I have a lot of faith in that things happen for a reason. If you do this you win no matter what. You loving yourself and taking care of you is a positive thing that only will better your life. If anything with him or without him you will be ok! Just learn from this, heal what u can through the experience and what you deserve will be right in front of you whether it is him or something better! You may have times where you want to be wanted, feeling needy, clingy, and wonder what he wants or what is next! Just promise yourself you will lean back drink a glass of wine but don’t give in to the negative voices that tell you text, call, or send him an email!!!! I can only give this great advice because of my own situation I learned it here! I also still made the mistake of making contact and what seems like forever I was soo good about not contacting was washed away with one text. Making me look silly, needy, not desirable. DONT LET THIS BE YOU!!! I hope this helps and good luck! XOXO….sorry to ramble this is my passion 🙂 (softspot)

  300.  #300LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    SweetPea and Tmizz, I really enjoyed your posts. They were great to read.
    I feel so angry right now and what you wrote really helps.
    Thank you for being here.

  301.  #301Kayla on September 17, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Hey sirens, last night my boyfriend was supposed to call me as soon as he got back home and he did but I was sleeping, he didn’t get back home until 12 30 at night, I woke up this morning to 4 missed calls and 3 text messages from him. The text messages said baby, what are you doing right now? and then another one said Baby, please call me I want you here with me, and then the other one just said baby you there? I am supposed to go to Lumberjack Days with him today.. Why do I get the feeling that he isn’t going to call me??? I feel very unconfident right now and very crummy… And unsure about things.. Any advice sirens?

  302.  #302alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    this is what i have decided for myself as well.

    now that my life is going to have a bit more of a routine and stablility to it (for now)

    I am going to start planning, dates, excursions, and trips. i may even have the chance to go to the bahamas!!!

    but in a few weeks i am planning on going biking with a group and then out to eat.

    stuff like that.

    and i really just am over men for the moment. i am done working at it in any manner or form. i am done being someone i am not.

    and since i no longer do things i dont want to do than i must honor myself and

    do for myself in this dating arena.

    i feel so clear that there is nothing in my way in my life anymore. not in any area.

    money, house. sex, fun, adventure, goddess cuteness. its all right here right now. right NOW.

    i feel so free. and now i just do what feels good.

    ifeel very excited. i feel like i just found my guy that was going to rescue me from my boring life.

    but its ME. lol.

    i am rescuing me.

    this is splendid.

  303.  #303Shannon on September 17, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    @Amazing Me……thank you for the advice. I have done a lot of self reflecting and loving myself. I will be just fine without him. I just wish I could turn off the feeling I have inside. I have leaned way way back. So frustrating the urges you get to call or text. Makes me so angry at myself when that happens!!

    Ok so just stay away basically and let him come to me. I think I’m going to need a sponsor when those urges come up lol 🙂

  304.  #304Senior Lady Vibe on September 17, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    @236: English Woman says:
    “..#173 SLV
    I actually really liked that. Thank you for sharing….”

    You’re welcome. I find it’s interesting to consider different opinions. I posted another little vid today (#285). I mentally edited out some but a man’s point of view on men being attracted and escalating a relationship rang a few bells with me.



  305.  #305Ella on September 17, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    So it was my birthday party last night and I had a great time.

    Was really Sireny and had a great time dancing with my friends.

    Did waterwheel tool successfully.

    J arrived with his brother and some other friends.

    He came and said hello and I was warm and open but stayed focused on me and what *I* was doing. I did not lean forward or go to him.

    As the night went on one of his friends came over and danced with me. I let him.

    Then one of my friends heard J complaining that I was with him the other week and he thought I would pay attention to him but I didn’t seem to be showing any interest.


    Later his friend and I were walking to get some wine and it was dark. He leaned in and kissed me. I let him very briefly and then pulled away.

    Soon we re-joined the group including J and all of us went back to a friend’s house. Then J was suddenly much more attentive… and he came up and kissed me on the lips. Plus I had another person making moves on me (a girl actually!!! Lol).

    And tbh it felt overwhelming.

    Anyway then J’s friend said he was going to leave and I said I would say goodbye and J parctically jumped inbetween us and kinda ‘escorted’ his friend down the stairs and out the door rather promptly.

    Then J started cuddling me. And asked if he could come back home with me.

    I wanted him to and I said yes.

    We did what we always do and snuggled, kissed, talked etc all day.

    He was his usual intense/confusing self.

    He wanted to have sex and I told him no because I did not want to feel bonded to him again and that I miss him when he is gone.

    He asked if he can see me next week.

    I said yes. Don’t know if it will happen. Maybe it will!

    He brought up about his mate and said it would have been ‘funny’ if I had got together with him.

    I said it felt weird that he thinks it would be ‘funny’.

    He said loads of stuff about how much he likes me… and he kinda teases, saying those things and then being jokingly a little bit mean!

    If it feels bad I tell him.

    We got to talking in general about relationships a bit and I was talking about male and feminine roles in relationships and how for me the feminine role feel best. He asked me to tell him more because he wants to know how to be the man I want.

    And yet when I began talking he didn’t seem to be able to listen and seemed uncomfortable so in the end we talked about something else instead.

    He asked if he has a chance with me… and I said he has as much chance as anyone else with a big loving, shiny smile.

    He kept asking me stuff about if a really hot guy came along who was very masculine would I go off with him and leave J?

    It felt like the underlying question was do I really like him?

    I do and I would feel very suprised if he wasn’t aware of this!

    We were talking about cooking dinner together that night and then all of a sudden he was looking at me (he looks at me a lot) and he sort of went a bit weird and then he said he had freaked himself out, and he asked if I would take him home.

    Of course I didn’t want him to stayif he didn’t want to but it felt weird/bad that he was suddenly wanting to go and I expressed.

    He said everything was ok and he just has some stuff to sort out.

    He said he had a bit of a panic attack that morning too and I remember he freaked out before and left when we discussed that his brother once said he liked me.

    He was looking in the mirror and he said he was ugly! He is one of the best looking guys I know!!!!

    Anyway I dropped him home and we cuddled/kissed goodbye and everything.

    And now I am at home again on my own and feeling a little lonely.

    I feel curious about the dynamic here and also just seeing that he just does what he does and what a typical 19 year old does.

    I still get triggered when I end up CD-ing friends.

    I feel some guilt and panic and fear about being called a sl8t!

  306.  #306Patricia on September 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    #302 this is where I have difficulty and what I have found is that if you go find something to do away from ur phone and computer that u love…take a shower if that makes u feel better..use Rori’s tool for loving urself and dont get “lost” in those feelings. The more u do for urself right this minute the better ull feel faster

  307.  #307LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    re 301 Alias Girl,

    Very inspiring! Trying to sink in to my anger right now. But I am so looking forward to be in your shoes!

  308.  #308Ella on September 17, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    EW – Birthday party was last night!


    I wrote a big long post about it and also about seeing J again there and it has gone into moderation.

    I have no idea why!


  309.  #309alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    #305 lili 41 thank you. babysteps, goddess lili

    riffing helps me tremendously

    one of roris most powerful tools if you ask me.

  310.  #310Ella on September 17, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Can the word ‘sex’ put a comment in moderation?

    testing that out with this comment….

  311.  #311Ella on September 17, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    What about the word ‘attack’?

  312.  #312Senior Lady Vibe on September 17, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    @273: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…SLV…I wanted to let you know that by the 6th of September, a financial situation was resolved (and with it all the stress it was causing me)…”

    Yay for calendaring! I was thinking of you. I hope all is well and less stress is always good.



  313.  #313Ella on September 17, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Re-posting my comment as I have figured out which word I think sent it into moderation…

    So it was my birthday party last night and I had a great time.

    Was really Sireny and had a great time dancing with my friends.

    Did waterwheel tool successfully.

    J arrived with his brother and some other friends.

    He came and said hello and I was warm and open but stayed focused on me and what *I* was doing. I did not lean forward or go to him.

    As the night went on one of his friends came over and danced with me. I let him.

    Then one of my friends heard J complaining that I was with him the other week and he thought I would pay attention to him but I didn’t seem to be showing any interest.


    Later his friend and I were walking to get some wine and it was dark. He leaned in and kissed me. I let him very briefly and then pulled away.

    Soon we re-joined the group including J and all of us went back to a friend’s house. Then J was suddenly much more attentive… and he came up and kissed me on the lips. Plus I had another person making moves on me (a girl actually!!! Lol).

    And tbh it felt overwhelming.

    Anyway then J’s friend said he was going to leave and I said I would say goodbye and J parctically jumped inbetween us and kinda ‘escorted’ his friend down the stairs and out the door rather promptly.

    Then J started cuddling me. And asked if he could come back home with me.

    I wanted him to and I said yes.

    We did what we always do and snuggled, kissed, talked etc all day.

    He was his usual intense/confusing self.

    He wanted to have sex and I told him no because I did not want to feel bonded to him again and that I miss him when he is gone.

    He asked if he can see me next week.

    I said yes. Don’t know if it will happen. Maybe it will!

    He brought up about his mate and said it would have been ‘funny’ if I had got together with him.

    I said it felt weird that he thinks it would be ‘funny’.

    He said loads of stuff about how much he likes me… and he kinda teases, saying those things and then being jokingly a little bit mean!

    If it feels bad I tell him.

    We got to talking in general about relationships a bit and I was talking about male and feminine roles in relationships and how for me the feminine role feel best. He asked me to tell him more because he wants to know how to be the man I want.

    And yet when I began talking he didn’t seem to be able to listen and seemed uncomfortable so in the end we talked about something else instead.

    He asked if he has a chance with me… and I said he has as much chance as anyone else with a big loving, shiny smile.

    He kept asking me stuff about if a really hot guy came along who was very masculine would I go off with him and leave J?

    It felt like the underlying question was do I really like him?

    I do and I would feel very suprised if he wasn’t aware of this!

    We were talking about cooking dinner together that night and then all of a sudden he was looking at me (he looks at me a lot) and he sort of went a bit weird and then he said he had freaked himself out, and he asked if I would take him home.

    Of course I didn’t want him to stayif he didn’t want to but it felt weird/bad that he was suddenly wanting to go and I expressed.

    He said everything was ok and he just has some stuff to sort out.

    He said he had a bit of a panic freak out that morning too when he wasn’t with me and I remember he freaked out before and left when we discussed that his brother once said he liked me.

    He was looking in the mirror and he said he was ugly! He is one of the best looking guys I know!!!!

    Anyway I dropped him home and we cuddled/kissed goodbye and everything.

    And now I am at home again on my own and feeling a little lonely.

    I feel curious about the dynamic here and also just seeing that he just does what he does and what a typical 19 year old does.

    I still get triggered when I end up CD-ing friends.

    I feel some guilt and panic and fear about being called a sl8t!

  314.  #314Senior Lady Vibe on September 17, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    @306: Ella says:
    “…EW – Birthday party was last night!…

    @308: Ella says:
    Can the word ‘sex’ put a comment in moderation? …”

    A belated “Happy Birthday” to you!

    Hmmm, now wondering what happened at that party…? 😉


  315.  #315LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Alias Girl,

    I am not familiar with the term “riffing”. I read the ebook, did the Love Scripts and the expert interviews. But have not yet come accross the term riffing. What is it exactly?

  316.  #316Ella on September 17, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    SLV re 313,

    Lol 🙂

  317.  #317Patricia on September 17, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    just winked at a guy online and will a few more. I am online dating and if it’s anywhere and everywhere you can put these principles into practice its there. Go out with anyone who looks like they would be even friendship material at first and practice these tools wih the men you meet but break occaisonally to reflect.Especially if your like me and live in a very small town. I loved online dating and how I found these tools work so nicely. The biggest trick to it for me is what happens when I actually like them and they like me…the trick is to keep dating unless and until it becomes real and remember to date myself in the process…tomorrow would have been my date with Mr.ONS and I’m not phased..I have a car to wash, a house to clean..kids to love and I work out a lot so I’m running 7 miles. Tonight Im settling down with my child and watching a movie..these things arw fulfilling and make me feel teriffic. I feel successful after a 7 mile run and I feel sexy…and I am. I think I will also do a pedicure tonight because my feet dont look pretty and I want them to look pretty…cuz I deserve to feel pretty…even sitting at home. I will be back on the website next month but my profile is still active…Im making some contacts in the next few weeks…just to be able to set things up when I’m ready =) and to not loose sight of the fact that I feel yummy!!

  318.  #318Ella on September 17, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Even though I did drink last night I did not drink as much – I paced myself despite people consistently insisting on buying me drinks because it was my birthday.

    Still feeling quite stressed and panicked about my debts and financial situation.

    And whether that side of my life will ever get under some kind of control and work out…

  319.  #319LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    I am cheering you on Patricia!

  320.  #320Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    281 LILI

    I’ near the biggest Great Lake, love it here…..just love that there are Canuck Sirens too……don’t we look marvelous in our Canadian red and white siren flowing attire? lol


  321.  #321Aurora Girl on September 17, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    295 EW

    lol I laughed when you said “never”……hmmmm that’s exactly what I said about long distance relationships……and then something shifted completely…………and I opened……..and when I did I realized I really needed to be open to it all…that I could not possibly know what would happen next……I am happy for you that you are just being you and practising and taking things lightly………you are in my thoughts and I think good things are coming your way……..xoxoxo

  322.  #322AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    @302 Shannon trust me girl I feel ur pain..lol. We can sponser eachother! HAHA…I leaned forward yesterday and it felt horrible!! I am good for awhile, gosh how stupid am i!! Uggpphh. Together we can support I am always here if and when u need it!

  323.  #323Daria on September 17, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    SlV – wow thank you for that… all these books available online! makes me feel Happay!!!!!

    here’s a link for all kinds of TV Shows available online that im using since it works in Romania


  324.  #324Ella on September 17, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Hmmm, noticing. I still get triggered by J and feel sad and pull on heart strings when he goes away and yet it is less than was the times before.

    I wonder if this means I am healing this?

    Also got to be triggered and NVs going in his presence and I got to practice dealing with this and taking my time, noticing my feelings and loving myself despite all of this in his presence.

    Great healing practice.

    And to take care of myself by sticking to my no sex unless I feel totally emotionally secure and all his energy coming towards me boundary.

    Yay me.

    I love me, even the hollow, achy feeling in my tummy!

  325.  #325Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    LILI41 – 282:

    Yes, quite a few of us are contributing regularly, now. Looks like good advice knows no boundary, right? 😉

  326.  #326Ella on September 17, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Know how it seemed to me… with J, and of course I am only guessing.

    And it seemed like a classic example of that thing where a guy gets closer with a woman and has a period of intense intimacy which then triggers his need to pull away.

    I feel sad.

    And will use this chance to practice taking care of myself.

  327.  #327Starla on September 17, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Hi Sirens,
    I know we’re supposed to make CD’ing a priority, especially when we’re trying to stop ourselves from getting laser focused, but I am canceling my date with CD3 tonight so that I can keep studying for my grad school entrance exam.

    I feel a little sad to do this because he invited me to something I try to go to every year and keep missing for the last couple of years, but I feel in my bones the desire to do exceedingly well on the exam.

    I am hoping some good studying will soften the laser focus I have for CD1.

  328.  #328Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Ladies, I need help responding to a text. LP texted me on Friday (after two days of nothing and me seeing his “sick” status on fb with people responding triggering me) that he wouldn’t be able to see me this weekend because he is too sick. I fell of the siren wagon and made nasty comments about the fb attention he was getting. He texted asking why I was being like that and I responded that “i felt like I was being punished”. nothing after that from him so I kept going…I cd’d myself yesterday and today. So far I have treated myself to lovely things. Then I get a text from LP saying “thanks for checking on me”. I have no idea what to say or do in response….any suggestions?

  329.  #329Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 2:54 pm


  330.  #330Ella on September 17, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    IP, Hmmm tricky.

    Well the first thing that pops out and I hope you don’t mind me saying, and ‘punished’ is not a feeling… it is an action.

    Therefore it would be easy for a man to feel blamed hearing something like ‘I feel like I am being punished’.

    So what was the actua feeling in that situation? How did you feel that made you make the catty comments and repond the way you did.

    You could then say something like ‘the other day when I saw some comments on your FB I felt … and when I didn’t hear back from you I felt … so I was just doing … to take care of myself. Sorry to hear that you are sick. Are you feeling any better?’

    Or something like that.

    Or if you want to just let go of any past issues and keep it in the present you could say ‘oh I feel … (whatever you are feeling now) and I am so sorry to hear you are sick. Are you feeling any better?’

    Just my initial ideas…

  331.  #331Ella on September 17, 2011 at 2:58 pm




  332.  #332Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Ice Princess – 326

    I don’t know for sure, but I feel like he was either acting pleased and flattered or being totally sarcastic. I would just say “don’t even mention it”.

  333.  #333Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    Thanks Ella. I know I was wrong yesterday but I did truly feel terrible yesterday when he said he couldn’t see me because he was too sick to be around. I mean I don’t really want to be sick but I felt like I wasn’t being given any options.

  334.  #334Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    #329 he was totally being sarcastic.

  335.  #335Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Amazing Me – it feels really uncomfortable to read you calling yourself stupid and such.

    that is not allowed here on Rori’s blog

  336.  #336Ella on September 17, 2011 at 3:13 pm


    Yes I see he was being sarcastic…

    If it was me I would still go down the route I suggested in 329.

    I would respond with non blaming FMs… I wouldn’t get drawn into his stuff by reacting to his jibe…

    Also I wonder if there is something here around expectations? ie: do you have expectations around hearing from him and spending time with him.

    If someone is sick it is very feasible that they might not feel up to dating. However if I felt shut out I might say that in a FM like ‘I know you are sick and I feel a bit disconnected. It would feel good to have a chance to give you some TLC while you are sick, what do you think?’ or some such a thing….


  337.  #337Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    wow now i feel really tightened up inside!


    i wish i hadn’t said the last sentence and its totally ok … i am noticing how im feeling

    trying to control someone

    ugh 🙁

  338.  #338Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    Ice Princess – if that was me getting that text i might not respond until he contacts me with something that feels good

    or.. i would write back “ouch, that feels bad :(” in a text

    i would also apologize for my previous disrespectful behavior of blaming him about the fb stuff

  339.  #339Ella on September 17, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I am feeling disconnected and I would like to reach out to J.

    How am I not caring for myself? What am I not giving myself?

    Don’t know just feel empty.

    How is it that an experience I wanted can leave me feeling less than topped up when you would think being cuddled and connected would leave me feeling topped up…

    And it is simply because it didn’t play out in quite the way I thought it should ie: I wanted him to stay with me for longer.

    Awww, I love lil demanding me.

    Ella how would it feel to just say ‘thank you’ for my nice experience and time with J and then keep riding my horse whilst being open to more yummy experiences… with him or other men.


  340.  #340Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    i am feeling guilt shame, disappointment, fear, sadness 🙁

    i LOVE this! how exciting that im noticing this

    i feel smily and hehehehehufffhufff

  341.  #341Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    Ice Princess, I know we are not supposed to give advice here, so please ignore the one in my comment above. I don’t want to tell you what to do, you seem to know how to deal with this in a much better way than I ever would. I see what you (all) want to do but I’m not used to it yet.


  342.  #342Lyka on September 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    But I will still cheer you on, though! 🙂

  343.  #343Starla on September 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    ughhh i can’t handle it.

    i want one guy’s attention

    i want his love

    i want to feel connected to him

    i want HIS compliments

    i don’t want it from anyone else, except to use them to take my focus off of him


    laser focus

    i just want to go to bed depressed

    i am on a rollercoaster, happy one minute, sad the next.

    my heart and my head are confused by each other.

  344.  #344Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Ella – you know what i noticed in your description of your time that i felt kinda ick about…

    was that he asked You to take him home, that felt uncomfortable to read about…

    i think for myself it would make a big difference at a subliminal level to not do that for a man…

    when i drove men , i didnt think it mattered on a thinking level , but somehow really seemed to affect things on a deeper level and the quality of men was way lower

  345.  #345Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    I told him I felt bad about our recent interactions and he said that was me. I basically said sorry for the overreaction. I still feel irritated though. 🙁

  346.  #346Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 3:30 pm


    I asked for and need advice. I am clearly still learning and fail sometimes. Thanks for responding.

  347.  #347Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    IP I think his comment has double meaning. For me it suggests that he feels snooped on because your were checking out his fb comments and secondly he might be feeling insignificant because he is sick and you weren’t exactly compassionate towards him in your comments.

    I would apologize for my snipes, I am sure he will understand your feelings. I also would be curious about what he meant because it could really have meant anything, sarcastic or hurt. After I found out what he meant then I would respond to it. Assuming it was sarcasm before he clarifies might not work in your favor. If he was feeling insignificant or overwhelmed I would say something to validate his feelings. Reason I say that is because in Rori’s interview with Greta Hassel I got the sense that she is a life coach and therapist as well. She suggests that finding out whose cup is more full to overflowing at the moment of the disagreement is the best way to go and then validate his if you sense his were more than yours at the same time suggesting that you know he wanted to call or would have called if he was not feeling so down under the sickness. Then ask how you can work thru things as a team to get a win win situation.

  348.  #348Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Ooops see I was late.

  349.  #349Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    i am noticing i feel much more open, here on blog and in life too, with expressing feelings i judged as negative

    like feeling ashamed, and scared, and blank, and such

    it feels amazing that i am really getting to the point where i am starting to feel safe expressing what im really experiencing in the moment!

    right now i feel kinda tight in my mouth and tummy

    i feel ANGRY at amazing me for talking that way about herself!

    i feel AFraid of being attachked or brushed off and feeling disconnected…

    and i feel sad!!

    oh an dnow i feel excited!

    i remember an example from real life…

    VideoCD was in the car talking to me, and his convo kept getting interrupted

    and i felt tight inside and kinda drained and noticed it… this was like the 3rd time i noticed i felt drained whern i was THINKING “i don’t have his full attention”

    so now instead of figuring out if i do or dont or whats going on with him

    i was able to say, im feeling kinda disconnected, and we talked about it, and i even wound up saying… “oh you’re doing the best you can, its just that im feeling disconnected thats all”

    and taht wound up feeling better and good/!

    i even told him i felt weird and uncomfortable and angry at him a few times!

    im feeling tight inside right now.

    i feel scared and sad of what’s going to happen

    Amazing Me i apologize for trying to control you!


    i feel sad

    i feel better now

    i feel smily

    i feel less scared

    i don’t feel scared now actually


    this feels freakin awesome!!


  350.  #350Ella on September 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm


    Yes thank you.

    I know I felt unsure about this.

    The last time I saw him I had work the next day and it was late at night and I did NOT offer to drive him home.

    This time I had nothing to do… and it is an hour’s walk and we were feeling quite hung over.

    I just couldn’t bring myself to make him walk…

    He always wants me to do stuff for him… he is the youngest child of his siblings and says he is used to being looked after.

    That is how we got to talking about masc and fem energy. And I was saying how I prefer to be the fem energy role in dating…

    Often he will ask me to do something, and I will say no, like he wants me to cook breakfast, and I will say no.

    And it is an on-going challenge with him…

    Sometimes I do well sometimes I do agree to do stuff… babysteps.

    And I guess this is a good chance to practice.


  351.  #351Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    I dont know FW, after apologizing and asking how he was feeling he stopped texting back. I don’t think I am supposed to call him or continue texting when he is not responding, right?

  352.  #352Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Ice princess – i feel uncomfortable to say this… to me ‘overreaction’ would not be completely honest it would be more like ‘disrespect’

    once i apologized for that i might feel better about myself and more open towards him

    and i would also still say i felt bad or angry if i did still feel that

    i can say “i apologize for disrespecting you… i don’t want to do that. and i feel bad and disconnected right now :(”

    or “… and i am feeling angry right now!”

    i can both apologize and say how i feel anyway… the more truthful i am with what i feel the better, just sharing my experience not covering up what i feel

  353.  #353Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    No. He might be asleep. Last man I spoke to about something similar suggested he felt stalked

  354.  #354Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    IP do you feel irritated at yourself?

  355.  #355Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Ella – I feel happy and excited to hear about this and this is such a familiar scenario for me…

    feeling excited for when you Do feel comfortable to say no to doing stuff….

    what’s really helped me is the pracitce with the CD’s i was not into… then when i had said no to 3 of them, well it just was pretty obvious that it made sense to say no the 4th one that i Did like too! and it made it easier

    like unfriending Nyguy on FB, i did it after i had unfriended another CD earlier when he was tlaking about a girl date, and so it made it so much easier to follow through!

    you sound like you’re getting amazing practice in with this guy, and lots of challenges…

    sometimes that really grows me – practicing with the “difficult” ones – and it does feel pretty awful most of the time until i get to the point where i feel comfortable moving away from them

  356.  #356Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Wow, I never thought of it as being disrespectful. It is interesting though because if things were reversed he would have said something very similar to me because it has happened in the past. I feel scared in our relationship because of the seriousness we made of it last weekend with my grandparents (saying we planned to get married). I feel so sad right now.

  357.  #357Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    I guess with both of us. Him assuming I would have my kids and how I would feel and me for acting out over something that shouldn’t bother me.

  358.  #358Daria on September 17, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    Ice Princess – Rori has the 4 rules of respecting a man (and pretty much anyone else I’ve found)

    does anyone remmber what they are spelled out?

    “respect his time” don’t approach him when he’s working, watching a ballgame at the bottom of the 9th ie.. deeply engaged in another activity – you’re going to get rejected immediately and then you’re going to feel bad

    i knwo it includes – don’t try to control a man – “don’t tell him what to do, warn a man, advise him, beg, coax, ask the innocent q – why are you doing that?”‘

    and along with that is stuff about not judging, attachking and such

  359.  #359Ella on September 17, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Daria re 354

    Oh no… the thing is I don’t want to move away from him.

    Being with him generally feels really good, well exciting anyway, and mostly good, and sometimes edgy, and sometimes not good.

    And it is all losing its impact the more I am doing Rori tools and focusing on me…

    And yes lots of practicing with all my CDs will help me with saying No.

    I am getting better.

    The thought of actively moving away from J feels bad to me right now.

    Scary even. Or sad.

    Maybe this will change one day…

    Although having said that I will not move towards him either… that is just my boundary which is more importan than any man.

    I feel like I love him… and I know that is not a FM.

    But nevermind all that it is not about what I think I feel about him so much as how I feel with him and whether he steps up and fulfils any of my needs…

    Oh and practice too.

    I do feel confused about the love thing though… is it possible that I love him?

    And if so what does that mean?

    Ladies who are CD-ing, do any of you believe you love one of your guys.

    I am not sure if this is a real kind of love… or just strong attraction/chemistry or some kind of affection.

  360.  #360Daria on September 17, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Ice Princess – if that was me in the situation and he said something to me that felt bad, then it would be a chance to tell him “i felt bad and i don’t want to feel that way”

    but it doesn’t mean it’s now ok for me to do the behavior … that doesn’t bring healing and intimacy

    maybe i mgiht notice that I’m not being treated in the way i would really want to be in the relationship i want…
    and if it’s something consistent maybe it’s a deal breaker

    or maybe it’s something that can easily be shifted once i share how i feel and what i don’t want

    maybe it’s not a deal breaker but an opportunity for us to get closer and more intimate by sharing what i feel

  361.  #361Donna on September 17, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    I need some quick advice. Just had a huge argument with hubby. Handled it all wrong but nothing to be done about that now. He said some really hurtful things, I cried and walked away. 2 hours later and he wants to act like it never happened. No apology, just trying to talk and play. I’m still hurt and angry. What do I do? How do I react? Thanks ahead of time!

  362.  #362Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    4 Rules for respecting the Masculine

    Don’t control your partner
    Don’t try to control the outcome
    Stop yourslef before you criticize, judge advise, warn, coax. Ask the innocent question or try to change him.
    Learn to take no for an answer

  363.  #363Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Hi Donna what do you mean by hurt. Do you feel disrespected (by what). Do you feel insignificant (what is being ignored)? What needs are not being met?

  364.  #364Mel on September 17, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Lyka & Lili,

    Also in Quebec!! Heehee! 🙂 (but I’m close to the NC region).

  365.  #365Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    IP do you have Rori’s book? I think it is time to pull out the magic wand.

  366.  #366Daria on September 17, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Ella – 🙂 yeah i feel smily reading its bringing up memories of my own

    and it feels a lil sad i feel a bit misunderstood

    for me yes i do feel like i love some of my guys

    and yet i want to move away from them as they are not good for me

    it takes some practice and stuff for me to get to moving away… and sometimes i put myself through some heartache until i get to teh point where i acutally set up my boundariess….

    i feel like i love getright man, guywho of course,
    i feel like i love NyGuy…

    i feel like i love Hawkman too though it feels a bit different

    and sometimes i feel like i love a man right from the very day i meet him and my heart feels thrown right open!

    i feel like i love Securityman too

    and none of that really matters really 🙂 and i’m doing great with my boundaries which feels exciting

    its’ all practice in geting my heart thrown open with the world, and nto just with men who trigger my old patterns of what love is to my subconscious due to my growing up experience and such

    shrug! hmm i wonder whatsup with that shrug?

    i do feel happy that i can feel that i love them and yet know what i want is the relationship! and that i will have that

    i feel like i love Transformer man too


    i love me 🙂 for real real and with commitment

  367.  #367LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Hey Mel,

    Can’t figure out what NC stands for.

  368.  #368Ella on September 17, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    Hi Donna,

    I wonder about trying something like telling him that you are pleased to see him and you are still feeling angry and sad (or whatever it is you are feeling).


  369.  #369Donna on September 17, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    I mean disrespected, I suppose. He completely disregarded my feelings and then yelled at me for feeling that way.

  370.  #370Ella on September 17, 2011 at 4:16 pm


    NC = No contact.


  371.  #371Daria on September 17, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Donna – if that was me i would remain open to him if he tried to be affectionate wth me – as Rori shows in the Love Scripts for Relationship program – AND at the same time let him know how i feel in that moment in short feelings about myself… such as… im feeling so angry!

    im feeling sad and horrible…

    but remain open let him hug me, and if i feel like smiling at anything he’s doing allowing myself to do so

    opening up and sharing how i feel without pushing him away

  372.  #372Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    At dance class this morning heard for the first time in a long time the song Love you Just the Way you Are by Billy Joel, it was heartwarming. I couldn’t help thinking of Siren Island.


  373.  #373LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    The 4 rules…do I ever break those. Geeeee. Having a hard time forgiving myself for that right now.

  374.  #374Daria on September 17, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    i feel sad and scared 🙁

    i love me

    i love my sadness and scaryness

  375.  #375Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Donna were you yelled at as a child?
    How did you respond?

  376.  #376Mel on September 17, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Alias Girl,

    Don’t feel jealous! The only reason I have so many CDs is that I pretty much accept invitations from anyone that asks and fulfills a very basic (and minimal) set of criteria! 🙂

    Some have been real doozies, believe me!

    My problem is that when I meet one I really like and enjoy hanging out with, they tend not to stick around past 2 or 3 dates. 🙁

    Kayaking was fun today. It’s funny… he’s not really my “type” but I’m finding things attractive about him that I may not have noticed before.

    Still kind of hoping that Thursday’s CD (Mr. Sarcasm) will ask me out again. I’m kinda digging him! 😉

  377.  #377Daria on September 17, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    lili41 – well the numero 1 rule is no beating myself up!

    that helps me so much with shifting my behavior… when i don’t blame or get harsh with myself i magically notice myself naturally doing different things… it feels amazing

    am practicing that right now about working out

  378.  #378Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Also when he yelled at you what did you say, what did you do?

  379.  #379Mel on September 17, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    NC= national capital

  380.  #380Daria on September 17, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Thanks FW for the 4 respect rules!

  381.  #381Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    LILI4 Do you have Rori’s book? The investment is worthwhile

  382.  #382Starla on September 17, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    oh i remember, i can do something to take care of myself.

    i think i might do a bunch of abs exercises. i love my shape but i would feel awesome if i had a tighter tummy

  383.  #383Ice Princess on September 17, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Just took the dog for a short walk and then took a bath. I feel good now and feel like the ball is back in his court where it should be.

  384.  #384Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    RE 373 Mel it could mean that they experience you as wife material, the girl they would take home to mama. And they might not be ready for that yet so they respectful weed themselves out.

  385.  #385Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Yeah IP do things to amp up your vibe. Listen to some soothing music when you lie down tonight.

  386.  #386Ella on September 17, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Daria re 365,

    I feel happy getting the chance to discuss this with you.

    I do hear you and I feel quite resistant to assuming J is bad for me… or that I need to move away from him.

    Maybe that is true and maybe not.

    I feel a bit defensive.

    And I guess that really none of it matters as you say.

    I can love him or not… And I can feel love towards him and none of it matters.

    All that matters is how he treats me, how he steps up for me and how I feel when with and when not with him.

    And the practice in the meantime.


  387.  #387AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Re 332: Daria I didn’t feel like you were trying to control me. What I took from your comment was AmazingMe don’t call yourself stupid your amazing and seeing that makes me not feel good as well. It’s ok we are human express away Daria I like it! Lots of hugs!!!

  388.  #388Donna on September 17, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    I was yelled at as a child, but I never thought it damaged me much. And what I did was yell back. Then I cried and left tje room.

  389.  #389Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    It is a pattern worth noticing Donna. Do you do the same thing with your husband, or something similar?

  390.  #390Ella on September 17, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Mel and Lili 41

    I feel embarressed for barging in on your conversation and then giving the wrong definition!

    I’m sorry.

    I saw Lili’s question and have always seen NC here to mean no contact.

    I quickly answered the question thinking Mel might not be around to post atm… and I see now you are!


  391.  #391Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Donna I believe it needs healing. I have learned that sometimes we hire the men in our lives to punish us because it feels like pleasure and that is the way we experience it. You might have attracted him into your life to continue this. Talk to the little girl inside you and look for another response/pattern.

  392.  #392LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    378 Hi FW.

    Yes I do have Rori’s book. I think I need a refresher.
    Funny thing is, when I break these 4 rules, my bf responds by saying he needs to think and calls a few days later. He always finds a way to see what I am really saying and feeling beyond my broken rules. A sign of a great guy. But I still always feel bad for disrespecting him and I always end up apologizing.
    I need to be less judgemental of myself and more compassionate, which would most likely spill onto my behavior towards him.

  393.  #393LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Ella you are so nice and sweet. Hug.

  394.  #394Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    From Rori’s book

    “Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person that about his reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself full, when you dare to be vulnerable” – Dr. Joyce Brothers.

    “Relationships – of all kinds – are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, to possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost”- Kaleel Jamison.

  395.  #395Starla on September 17, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    My boy (energy) is here to suggest things we can do together

    reading 1 passage for test prep practice to start will ease any anxiety i have about not studying and feeling stuck and sad and then we can choose any of the following:

    -go to the gym for 15 minutes on the elliptical
    -paint toenails
    -clip and file fingernails
    -cook chicken and yummy salad
    -meditate for 5 minutes (let’s be real, anything longer is futile)
    -condition my hair with coconut oil
    -give myself a mini facial
    -dance for ten minutes
    -clean the kitchen
    -dust my table
    -wash my clothes
    -put lotion on

    lol i feel no motivation to do anything but sit here. maybe i’ll start with the stuff i can do seated.

  396.  #396LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Hi Mel, I am at the other big city.

  397.  #397Daria on September 17, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Ella – yeah it matters how i feel about myself when i’m with a guy

    and to me this guy J is not sounding very step up

    and you don’t have to move away from him

    I’ve noticed with myself, when i feel very attracted to a man – which is what your posts about J remind me of –

    well it’s happened a few times that i DID get to a place where i felt COMFORTABLE moving away (but it took me a while until i wanted to do that)

    and it took me some experimenting and practice to get there and i learned from it

    and i did experience some humiliation, or heartache, while doing that

    and i could handle it, and i feel 100% – really 1000% percent – sure that you can handle anything too

    and i didn’t actually move away from the men until *I* got to the place where I WANTED to move away from them

    and lately it’s been happening faster and easier for me

    and who knows if these difficult men will not totally turn around and step up if i treat myself well and with high boundaries

    i don’t want to assume that they wouldn’t.

    yeah i felt a misunderstood to read about assuming something about J


    i mean from my perspective here yes, it doesn’t sound like a step up man

    but that doesn’t mean for you to do anything you don’t want or aren’t ready for

    Rori says that WE WILL GET BORED with a man’s behavior if he’s not step up

    so it doesn’t mean, cut him off before that…

    i’ve noticed for me, i kinda did get bored, or started recognizing that i didn’t want that… with quite a few of the men i felt love for, that weren’t stepping up – treating me as well as other men were

    so, i did feel comfortable moving away – which meant not leaning forward, or not tolerating certain things that felt bad – and i also did feel a bit sad at first sometimes

    and things could have, and still can, change around on a dime if the behavior changes

    and i would NOT have felt good to ‘drop’ these men, before *I* personally felt like I wanted to do so

    and i was able to keep practicing tools with them, although well to be honest i did feel like i was bruising my heart somewhat – but i ignored that for awhile because my heart felt also open and flowy and wonderful – until it started becoming more noticeable and important to me that i did not want to bruise it along with the wonderful feelings

  398.  #398Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    LILI I find I have to keep going back to the book

  399.  #399Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to see and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Jalal ad din Rumi

  400.  #400Mel on September 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Lili 41,

    I lived in your city for 6 years! Loved it!

  401.  #401Daria on September 17, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Thanks Amazing Me !

    it did feel bad to me to express it in that way! I feel glad you didn’t feel bad

    i feel so glad to get a chance and practice and notice how *I* feel in these situations… this is new!

    im babysteps to express in ways that feel good to me

  402.  #402alias girl on September 17, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    #373 Yae for Mel!!!!!

  403.  #403Ella on September 17, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Daria re 396

    I feel so happy.

    That post feels good and I feel safe and happy reading it and that I don’t have to tear myself away from men before I am ready.

    And I have been SO much better about not leaning forward recently with J… Have in fact been firmly leaned back.

    Working on the not tolerating bad feeling things and behaviours.

    And even when I am tolerating I am noticing!

    🙂 xoxox

  404.  #404LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    I go by the NC a lot when I go visit my family in the maritimes. That’s a real cool city!

  405.  #405Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Just the Way You Are
    Billy Joel

    Don’t go changing, to try and please me
    You never let me down before
    Don’t imagine you’re too familiar
    And I don’t see you anymore
    I wouldn’t leave you in times of trouble
    We never could have come this far
    I took the good times, I’ll take the bad times
    I’ll take you just the way you are

    Don’t go trying some new fashion
    Don’t change the color of your hair
    You always have my unspoken passion
    Although I might not seem to care

    I don’t want clever conversation
    I never want to work that hard
    I just want someone that I can talk to
    I want you just the way you are.

    I need to know that you will always be
    The same old someone that I knew
    What will it take till you believe in me
    The way that I believe in you.

    I said I love you and that’s forever
    And this I promise from the heart
    I could not love you any better
    I love you just the way you are.

  406.  #406Daria on September 17, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Ella – yay 🙂 you are doing brilliantly and I have noticed your taking good care of yourself here… like saying no to sex when felt uncomfortable to feel bonded…

  407.  #407Daria on September 17, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    thank you Daria for doing my workout!

    thank you for watching supernanny

    thank you for finding the movie Happy Feet for me

    thank you for getting me the Simpsons video game

    thank you for lighting my Yemaya candle

    thank you for buying me beautiful jewelry

    thank you for making my starfish pendant

    thank you for ordering pizza

    thank you for listening to my intuition

  408.  #408Daria on September 17, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    thank you for paying great attention to my feelings on blog and off

    thank you for being sexual

    thank you for being vulnerable about feelings with CD chats

    thank you for checking out dating sites and answering men

  409.  #409Daria on September 17, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    thank you for eating the quail eggs! so much!

    thank you for eating the vinegar and the syrup

  410.  #410LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Yey! The Sex in the City movie is on in half an hour on the Women’s TV Network.
    My best friend keeps calling me Carrie and my bf Big. Our relationship reminds her very much of theirs.

  411.  #411Starla on September 17, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Thank you starla for trimming and filing my fingernails

  412.  #412AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Thank you for cleaning my car and making it smell nice,
    Thank you for keeping my room clean free of clutter and no more clothes on the floor,
    Thank you for waking up at 6 am on a Saturday to earn money at work,
    Thank you for taking care of business and taking my boards review,
    Thank you for scheduling my boards,
    Thank you for spending quality time with my children and family!….XOXO Feeling happy and blessed

  413.  #413Starla on September 17, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    I feel so out of control, despite the fact that I’ve given up cigarettes, alcohol, weed…

    i want more control. i feel out of control sometimes like i’m at the mercy of a man’s behavior towards me.

    am thinking about going on a major weight loss escapade or something

  414.  #414LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    All of you thanking yourselves brings me back to taking care of myself and cding myself. Tomorrow morning: vacuum then yoga. I have been putting off yoga for months. Yoga reconnects me to myself, what am I waiting for?

  415.  #415LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    Starla, how did you quit the cigs? That is one addiction that is keeping men at a distance.

  416.  #416Starla on September 17, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Yoga would feel lovely! Maybe I will do that in the morning too! There is a class I really like…it just unfortunately takes 2 buses to get there:(

    CD1 said i could call him for a ride any time but i don’t want to lean forward in any way whatsoever. Am feeling so disconnected with all his unsureness around telling me he wants to see me or that he missed me. Any seeing him that I initiate, even if it’s just a ride, will be clouded.

  417.  #417Lena on September 17, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Hello everyone!

    I need advice…

    I am trying to see people after my break up in January. But noone really spraks my interest, so in a way I feel like I am forcing myself to talk to those people, answer them.

    Last Friday I was basicly set up on a date. Some guy wanted to meet me and while talking to him I realised that I have a wall on the inside that I didnt have before. Its like I am disappointed even without starting anything. Ofcourse I found many flaws with this guy right away – from the fact that he left early due to his sickness to the point that we are just txting each other and he doesnt call (it was like one day! right – but I already have all this thoughts!). I want to stop talking to him at all – its like I already convinced myself that I will be hurt with him. But I also feel its not right. I feel lonely and I feel like I am missing a lot in this life like this.

    Any thoughts how to move?

  418.  #418LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Starla, am having the control fit too, at the mercy of my man’s behavior. Am here reading for inspiration.

  419.  #419Daria on September 17, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    im back… i laid down and all that watching super nanny really had me missing my Godkids and so i called my godsis to talk to them

    she didn’t pick up and i left a message

    and i felt way calm and comfortable leaving a message not all clumsy like i usually have in the past

    yay me healing

    i was doing EFT too

    i’ve been doing EFt before sleeping just on my own without my pushing it

  420.  #420Starla on September 17, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    412 LILI my guys always seem to smoke and they get me started again. I am under a lot of stress right now so I figured if I can get through this without smoking I am less likely to give in again in the future. I think I might have more in common with a guy who doesn’t smoke, because I am really into taking care of myself and being healthy.

    This is how I quit:

    Whenever you have the urge to smoke a cigarette, you…don’t.


  421.  #421Daria on September 17, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    Lena – it sounds like you’re doing GREAT!

    noticing the things you want to heal is the first babystep… thats what we DO the Circular Dating for….

    just keep dating lots of men, noticing what they show up for you to heal… like you’re doing here… and get excited when you notice!

    and practice Rori’s tools… babysteps!

  422.  #422LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    Starla, I had taken 2 semesters of yoga with a very good teacher. I bought the Kathy Smith yoga dvd and I love doing it at home. Don’t need to take 2 buses and it’s cheaper.

  423.  #423luzydel on September 17, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    He is late! he sent me a txt the time that we were suppose to meet to tell me he lost track of time and that he will be here in an hr. He is on his way, I feel a bit off not angry, but I would have preferred that he told me ahead of time that he was going to be late! Ugh…

  424.  #424LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    re: 414
    You are at the right place. If you don’t have Rori’s book, get it. It really helps understand yourself. I was where you are when I met a really good guy and messed it up with my wall. Now it’s hard to get his trust back after holding back for so long and keeping up my wall. I just go in circles keeping that wall up. Rori can teach you how to take it down, enjoy life and reconnecting with yourself in order to be able to connect with a man.

  425.  #425Starla on September 17, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    augghghghghghgh i am just glancing over at the phone to see if he’s texting me.

    he’s not.

    lol. of course he’s not. this man doesn’t feel safe with any woman texting or calling to let her know he’s thinking of her.

    ugh, believing that feels bad. but i need to accept it if that’s how it really is, and not get hooked on someone who cannot meet my needs.

    complicated. i’m making this way harder on myself. going to study for just a bit in my massage chair. Should shut off the computer while i do it. Be back super soon

  426.  #426Starla on September 17, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Also re: quitting smoking, I eat candied ginger and chew the sh*t out of cinnamon toothpicks (from the health food store)

  427.  #427LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Whenever you have the urge to smoke a cigarette, you…don’t.

    Lol 🙂 I like it simple.

    I so don’t want a guy smoker. Don’t want anyone who will encourage me to keep smoking.

  428.  #428Mel on September 17, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    This is what I’m struggling with…

    CDing is fun. BUT it is time consuming. Sometimes it also becomes tiresome… feels like I say the same things over and over when I’m on a first date and people ask the same sorts of questions.

    I find the odd one that I feel like I connect with, but they tend to disappear or become distant after what I felt was a GREAT date. Confusing.

    And what I really want here is a relationship and intimacy. I can go out for coffee by myself, bring my laptop and get some work done. I would feel productive, like I accomplished something.

    I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting my time on guys that are just going to leave when they see I’m not just there to hook-up.

    I want something more than continual first dates. I would like a couple to stick around a while so that we can really get to know each other.

    Kayaking was fun, but my NVs are saying…. That was another GREAT date. So that means you won’t hear from him again! Those NVs are especially strong tonight about Mr. Sarcastic. He kissed you, thought “meh” and now he’s not interested.

    Yikes! Feeling rejected in an unhappy marriage really messed me up!

    Deep breaths! I can make it past the 3rd date milestone! I am worthy of the intimate relationship I want for myself! 🙂

  429.  #429Butterfly Wings on September 17, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Hello Sirens! I woke this morning to a gazillion posts and have only just worked through them all! Phew!

    I’m heading out soon with TH. I told him last week that I was going shopping for furniture this weekend and did he want to come. He said yes, and we planned for it to happen today.

    Well. A LOT has happened since then (including me going mental at him!), and I was pretty sure he’d cancel.

    He asked me last night to message him this morning and he’d let me know if he could make it, so that’s what I did. And then he replied with: “Text me when you’re leaving and I’ll let you know”. WTF????

    So here’s what I said:

    “I’m getting from your reluctance to go that based on my emails the other day, you really do just want the “just friends” thing, and by saying yes, I may get the idea that there could be more. If that’s the case, then please say you don’t want to go because I don’t want to hope for more if there isn’t anything.

    I feel scared about what you’re going to say, but I’d rather you were completely honest with me…”.

    I’m sure that came out all wrong and I detect some “neediness” in there, although in my email I had said (thank you FW (?) for posting from the CCarter email – this is where I got it from): “As you know, I really like you. And probably too much to be JUST friends. This is why I’m not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way…”.

    So that’s what my message above was based on.

    His reply: “we can go later this afternoon if you want to go it’s up to you … I will be free between midday and 6:00”.

    Ok, so he committed to going and I wasn’t expecting that!

    I really do like him, and I know he feels “something” for me (otherwise, he would have walked long ago after emotional outburst #24!), and I do know I’ll be fine with or without him.

    Lucky for me I have good boy energy!

    I really wanted his opinion on the car I want to buy but with all that’s happened, I’ve felt like it’s too much of leaning forward. So ex coworker offered to come and test drive it with me yesterday (yup, I’m kind of CDing in the non-dating sense!).

    I agreed, but by the time I got out of bed yesterday, he had somewhere to be, so it fell through.

    But I did test drive the car and I am soooo buying it! I love it love it love it! And I forwarded a link to ex coworker (who knows a bit about cars) and he thinks I picked extremely well (without seeing it personally). So yay to my boy energy for helping me to find a fabulous car!!! 😀

    I feel kind of nervous about what today will bring with TH but hopefully I’ll get a better understanding of what’s going on from his perspective.

    I opened the door wide open for him to walk away last week and he’s still there, so I’m not sure if that means anything…. Time will tell I suppose….

  430.  #430LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    re 426 Buttefly Wings,

    That’s exactly how my relationship is going. We are at the right place here for inspiration.

  431.  #431AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    I am blessed to be here…tomorrow ma is sleeping in and relaxing her back! I am on my way sirens everyday it gets harder and a lil bit easier to move on! Movin on and up can only be great!

  432.  #432Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    BW the car will be proof enough that you will be fine without him.

  433.  #433Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Mel I believe I read in the past that you were not wanting a relationship? Am I incorrect? I ask because I am wondering if you are clear on your intention. I would also assume that cdating for you right now would be to uncover and unravel your patterns as you come to know yourself more intimately and what you want. Not to get a man.

  434.  #434Mel on September 17, 2011 at 7:17 pm


    I don’t want a serious relationship, necessarily. But if the right person came along I would be open to it. I’m considering friends with benefits… but even that has some level of trust and intimacy. I do want some form of relationship though. Definitely not just endless first dates.

  435.  #435Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    Lena are you comparing this guy with your ex?

  436.  #436Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Mel it could be this wavering that the guys are feeling in your vibe. Also why would a guy who wants a relationship continue dating you? I imagine that he would be afraid of eventually getting rejected taking into consideration that you don’t want a serious relationship. I am convinced people sense our intentions. I also believe that guys who look for friends with benefits know that they will eventually move on when they find their wives. So they would judge us based on their own standards, is what I would assume.

  437.  #437Jean on September 17, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    sirens, help would feel awesome! how do I get to the point that I feel comfortable enough to move away/step away from a man, when he no longer is in my best/main interest? do I start avoiding him, ignoring him, ?

  438.  #438Mel on September 17, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    I’m not opposed to a relationship FW. I just feel like I should take things slowly and really get to know someone first. That’s what I mean about nothing serious. The whole CD until the right man steps up.

    The FWB thing is just a musing… mostly because I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t have sex soon! LOL

    But that being said… I certainly don’t want a one-night-stand.

  439.  #439Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Also Mel CCarter encourages women to look for a fun way to answer questions. As in saying the opposite. For instance ask him if he enjoys his work rather than what do you do. Also when asked do you focus on responding about how you feel about your own job?

  440.  #440Mel on September 17, 2011 at 7:34 pm


    Good advice FW! I’ll try to spice up the questions and answers a little! 😉

  441.  #441Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Trust me you won’t die and I am sure that not all guys turn you on sexually. It would be good if you could focus on identifying in each guy what about him that turns you on. I am finding that a certain kind of swagger, even in a stranger I am passing turns me on. For me it has been great noticing that way I can kind of acknowledge chemistry and know that is not all I am looking for.

  442.  #442Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    One guy recently kept asking me if I didn’t have questions for him. But I kept repeating no. We were in a bar watching a football game. I was so totally relaxed because I felt like unwinding. I ended up talking about the game and having him explain some things. Also told him how I felt about the game and the kinds of games I really like. We also spoke about the singer at the beginning and some past games. I was not attracted to him but I enjoyed the date, noticing how responsive he was with paying and how hard he was trying to make me laugh.

  443.  #443Mel on September 17, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    I do know that I need it to be about MORE than just sex. As much as I’d like some, I’m not about to do it with just anybody! 😉 I know I won’t die… but I am finding it very hard to focus! heehee

    CDing has definitely helped me to see attractive qualities in people I may not have noticed before. My kayaking date, for instance, has great eyes. Kind soft and handsome eyes. He’s not unattractive, but before I probably wouldn’t have given him a second glance. Just not the type of guy I would normally go for. I’m finding him quite easy on the eyes now (no pun intended).

  444.  #444Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Some first date conversation starters from Dating Without Drama

    Have you ever tried …….(pointing to something out of the ordinary on the menu)? (If not) What’s the mostunique food you’ve ever tried?

    What are you reading now or what’s your favorite book of all time?

    If you could travel any where in the world where would you go?

    What were you like when you were a kid?

    What’s your biggest pet peeve?

    What’s the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

    If you could have any job in the world what would it be?

    If a movie was made of your life, who would you want to play you?

    What accomplishment are you most proud of?

    If you could eat only one type of food for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

    Where is the best place you’ve ever traveled?

    If you could be the world’s foremost expert on one topic, which one would you like to be?

  445.  #445Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Mel do you know what your 5 absolute must haves are in a relationship?

  446.  #446Mel on September 17, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    -Someone that enjoys doing active things together
    -Someone that finds me sexually desirable and vice versa
    -Someone I can feel relaxed and calm around and feel like I can just be myself with
    -Someone that thinks family and relationships are important (first priority)
    -Someone with a great sense of humor

  447.  #447Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    CCarter suggests asking “why can’t lots of men figure out that they don’t want a woman for a girlfriend beofre they get intimate or sleep with her?”

    He says its a question most women will never ask a man in playful context that allows him to answer in a pressure free way.

  448.  #448Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Mel can you see how that is focussed on the person rather than on the relationship?

  449.  #449Mel on September 17, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    LOL, yes! But I guess I misunderstood the question. 🙂

  450.  #450Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Sorry. I meant must haves in a relationship. Just goes to show why we all struggle in relationships, including the men.

  451.  #451Mel on September 17, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    I’m looking for fun (playfulness), safety (security/trust), companionship, honesty, and mutual respect.

  452.  #452Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    Also CCarter suggests having a psychological and physical pitcure in your mind of your ideal man.

    What his personality like? Is he laid back, intense, nurturing, motivating, gentle or manly?

  453.  #453Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    How does he treat and interact with people around him?

    Where does he see himself in the future?

    Where is he at in his professional life?

    What are the things he enjoy doing the most?

    What does he value (intelligence, physical prowess, money, family, freedom…)

  454.  #454la chiquita bonita on September 17, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    the biggest internal struggle for me is opening up my heart early in the dating situation… I dont want a man to know my weak/not so perfectly put together parts…if i tell him I feel sad, worried, angry etc. at him I wonder if he will think I have issues and find it a turn off wont he? are there guidelines for how much to open up at the beginning, I mean what if there are feelings that give a bad impression what if he thinks im needy etc because I expressed a feeling to him based on his action on the first month? can anyone clarify? thanks

  455.  #455la chiquita bonita on September 17, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    I feel confused because i really do like what rori says about being genuine, real, and feeling filled but sometimes I feel ashamed of the feelings that can portray negativity, especially because other dating advice explains the what not to do, say in the beginning of the dating process. I like how rori challenges not always being “perfect” and to be real but i just struggel with it because of the almost ‘marketing’ aspect of dating that others advise such as how to dress, what to talk and not talk about, how to be mysterious, and other things that feel fake. Thats why I like Rori but its hard to understand at times I feel fear of the rejection based on feeling not so good feelings and for others to see it especially in dating were I feel most vulnerable

  456.  #456Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    RE 451 Don’t say it was about bwhat he did. I would also avoid using the word need.

  457.  #457Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    I also believe that if it is early in dating and you are angry at him it suggests there are too much expectations. If your mindset is that he owes you nothing and you are free to date as many people as you wish, his less than behavior will help clarify what you don’t want in your life.

  458.  #458Mel on September 17, 2011 at 8:40 pm


    Also… if I’m seen as “wife material” are there any guys out there that know that they do, indeed, want a wife? It seems that a lot of guys are not terribly sure about what they want. More “I’ll know when I see it” kind of creatures.

    D, my bee friend, told me that it wasn’t until he met me and we talked a great deal about relationships, that he realized that he’s not actually ready for a relationship.

    So I guess I have THAT effect on men! LOL! He kept saying that I really know what I want in life/relationship and he needs to think about that a bit more himself before he gets involved with anyone. A good (guy) friend of mine told me that this likely means he was (and still could be) interested in me but that he was thinking more of a fling, realized he could hurt me, and so backed out.

    I just need to find some men that KNOW that they want more than a fling.

  459.  #459AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    A Lesson in Life
    Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.
    If someone hurts you, betrays you , or breaks you heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.

    If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

    Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

    Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

    You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it.

  460.  #460Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Rori encourages to be unpredictable too Chiquita. The suggestions are based on knowledge of what creates attraction in men.

    Also the differences in the masculine and feminine energy polarity is that one is negative and one is positive. Feminine energy is negative, however too much of anything is not necessarily good. I believe it is the balance that sustains the relationship dance

  461.  #461Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    RE 455 Sounds like things I have heard from CCarter. 99% of single men are not ready. I believe Rori has also said that. It is when they see what they want in front of them then they know. This guy might be finding healing through your heart why he said that. Maybe he never really gave it a good thought and from talking to you realize that you “got it”. I would gamble though that guys would want women who “get” it. Why would they want to be with a woman who is clueless and they have to teach when they themselves don’t really get it.

  462.  #462Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    I feel triggered by the words “cautious to who you open your heart to”. It feels like alarm bells going off in my head that is “off resonance”.

  463.  #463Starla on September 17, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Thank you Starla for cooking me a goddessy healthy meal

    Thank you for studying reading comprehension

    Thank you for keeping at the studying even after I could have quit for the night

    Thank you for walking to the store to buy non-dairy ice “cream,” and organic eggs for my breakfast tomorrow

    Thank you for taking probiotics before I ate all that sugar:)

    Thank you for crawling into bed when it felt good to me.

  464.  #464Starla on September 17, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    wow i feel surprised and all “awww”

    just looked at my phone and got a text from CD2 saying “I wish i was with you right now:)”


    i texted back “hehe i feel all ‘awww’ reading that”

    remembering now that i am a fiercely coveted goddess.

    need to work on remembering this when i don’t have male attention coming my way. sigh. it’s like food to me. I need it to survive emotionally.

  465.  #465la chiquita bonita on September 17, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    thanks for your input femininewomen, is it safe to say that one must feel their feelings and be true to them but take a moment to “edit” how they are said or to keep it to yourself in some situations and evaluatie how to deal with it on my own- I feel annoying but I just feel stuck not sure how to do this feeling thing with men and Ive been earnestly studying rori raye cds for two years im totally not getting this or maybe i am but feeling sidetracked…i feel scared to mess up

  466.  #466Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Chiquita maybe it is what you are believing and saying to yourself.

    Rori also does say choose your words. I have a boss who says don’t just vomit up everything, step back and let the others vomit; you will learn a lot from that. Is what he tells me.

  467.  #467AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Well tonight we had a sleepover! The kids had lots of fun! 4 kids here and I didnt go crazy…well not too crazy..lol

  468.  #468LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Wow, I’m watching “Unfaithful” on OWN.
    It’s a real story about a couple where the wife is demanding a husband to do more for the children. He feels criticized and guilty for failing and starts hanging out at bars to flirt with women. He says the women responding to his flirting made him feel good like someone liked him and did not find anything wrong with him. He said it was the thrill of the beginning of new relationships that drew him in. He did not intend to go any farther. But it releived a lot of stress at the moment.

  469.  #469Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Chiquita I don’t believe I have to say all my feelings. Especially if I am not in a relationship with a man. If I am just dating I choose not to sometimes. Rori encourages sharing feeling messages so that we can become more authentic and comfortable sharing our truth with men. I use feeling messages with everyone in my life including children. Responses are varied but with men if I share something 3 times and there is no response or they don’t respond the way I expect, I just take no as the answer and move on. I am not about to convince anyone of anything.

  470.  #470LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    That gives me a good insight on my bf’s flirting with other women, how my way of communicating can make him feel. If I make him feel like he’s not good enough, he will be drawn to who makes him feel good.

  471.  #471LILI 41 on September 17, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    re 465

    The couple ended up working it out. He discovered that he needed to set aside his pride and ask for help when he was overwhelmed so he could have more time for his kids. She learned to speak to him in a loving way. Too bad it has to get that far to get the wake up call, but it is still a good ending to the story.

  472.  #472la chiquita bonita on September 17, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    i feel so worried about what i say at times and if it will come out a certain way i feel its because im hesitant to give circular dating a try it might help loosen me up. i just feel guilty flirting and giving guys attention and feeling like i dont take any one in particular too seriously but i also feel angry because i always think of others before me and it gets me no where at times. I feel really hesitant to give cdating a try but also really curious i feel frustrated i mean theres only seven days a week and theres school and work why cant i just have a great guy in my life just one who i can trust and who will love me back ugh…maybe two or three at a time will do hahaha but where to find them? i guess the univesity would be a place perhaps flirting? but then i feel like im trying too hard lol! i feel so weird flirting its so ackward and i feel embarrassed

  473.  #473AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    You know I sit here and think what am I afraid of? I am afraid that I will never have that feeling back, I am afraid I will not have the love I always wanted, I am afraid of rejection, I am afraid of showing who I am to the unknown, I am afraid of judgement from others and most of all my own!

  474.  #474la chiquita bonita on September 17, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    Amazing me i feel good to read your comment because i feel that way too…i feel scarred scarred scarred i feel afraid i feel isolated and i always feel a bit strange. sometimes i feel alone however when im alone i feel powerful no one dictates my life or influences what i do however i feel sad in my room with no one to share anything with.

  475.  #475la chiquita bonita on September 17, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    i feel like i live in my little secret bubble full of thoughts and fears and i feel atleast i know myself with so much time alone but i feel alone and i want to feel like i can connect with someone and in a romantic way. sometimes i think making an effort can help and other times i think just going through daily life not worrying about it is when meeting someone happens but i always think about it regardless. i wish i had some one worthy of me and not anymore of this bullsh– and flaky men! good lord why do i attract disrepect? cancellations, being ignored, feeling like a pushover and calling that energy to me im so sick all of it

  476.  #476AmazingMe on September 17, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    La Chiquita Bonita I am right there with you hun, at least we are here to share!

  477.  #477Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    Why You Shouldn’t Write Him Off

    By Rori Raye, Author of best-selling eBook Have The Relationship You Want and free newsletter.

    It’s all too easy to decide a certain man isn’t for you – we make such quick judgments from those first impressions. And if you’re on Plenty Of Fish, you might think that there’s plenty of choice, which means you shouldn’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t measure up.

    But giving a man a chance isn’t settling – it’s opening yourself up to the man who may ultimately be right for you. Here’s why…


    Remember Charlotte and Harry on Sex and The City? The bald, sweaty, often brusque man was not Charlotte’s ideal suitor by any stretch of the imagination. If Charlotte had met Harry at a bar and he had asked her out, she probably would have rejected him out right. But, as you may know, Harry was Charlotte’s lawyer, so by default she was spending more and more time with him. Before she knew it, she was swept away by the “wrong” guy who was absolutely right for her and adored her like no other. Likewise, the perfect guy for you might not come in the package you’ve imagined… but you won’t know that unless you give him a chance.

    The other thing to remember is that you wouldn’t want a man to make a snap judgment about you. Think about the times a man has written you off without taking the time to discover all the wonderful things about you. So, if you find yourself thinking “he’s too this” or “he’s too that,” stop and ask the very same questions about yourself. Are you the perfect height? The most desirable weight? Are you without flaws yourself? Remember that any man who dates you will also have to overlook your “imperfections”… and focus instead on what makes you who you are.

  478.  #478Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    By Rori Raye, Author of best-selling eBook Have The Relationship You Want and free newsletter.

    It’s all too easy to decide a certain man isn’t for you – we make such quick judgments from those first impressions. And if you’re on Plenty Of Fish, you might think that there’s plenty of choice, which means you shouldn’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t measure up.

    But giving a man a chance isn’t settling – it’s opening yourself up to the man who may ultimately be right for you. Here’s why…


    Remember Charlotte and Harry on Sex and The City? The bald, sweaty, often brusque man was not Charlotte’s ideal suitor by any stretch of the imagination. If Charlotte had met Harry at a bar and he had asked her out, she probably would have rejected him out right. But, as you may know, Harry was Charlotte’s lawyer, so by default she was spending more and more time with him. Before she knew it, she was swept away by the “wrong” guy who was absolutely right for her and adored her like no other. Likewise, the perfect guy for you might not come in the package you’ve imagined… but you won’t know that unless you give him a chance.

    The other thing to remember is that you wouldn’t want a man to make a snap judgment about you. Think about the times a man has written you off without taking the time to discover all the wonderful things about you. So, if you find yourself thinking “he’s too this” or “he’s too that,” stop and ask the very same questions about yourself. Are you the perfect height? The most desirable weight? Are you without flaws yourself? Remember that any man who dates you will also have to overlook your “imperfections”… and focus instead on what makes you who you are.


    Every single man who comes into your life – regardless of how long he stays or what kind of an impact he makes – will teach you something you need to know to get you to the next stage of your love life… and help you identify the right man when he does show up.

    Maybe this new man will turn into the best guy friend you ever had, maybe he’ll open your eyes to parts of you that are more attractive than you’ve ever considered. Or maybe there’s something about him that will clue you in to something you need in a man.

    Ask yourself: is there something I need to find out here? For instance, maybe he’s an artist and you’ve only dated business-type guys, and this guy shows you how to appreciate the sensitive side in a man. Or it could be that this new man treats you so well that you’ll realize you deserve so much more than what you’ve been settling for.


    If you’ve been making bad choices in your love life until now – if you’ve had your heart broken too often or you seem to pick the same kind of men who aren’t good for you – then you need to let a man grow on you in a different way. You need to learn to feel the pleasure of being loved and appreciated by a good man. And the only way to do that is to push yourself past your usual comfort zones and give different kinds of guys a chance – namely, the men who are pursuing you.

    Here’s a quick little exercise that will open your eyes: write down the qualities you’re looking for in a guy, then write down the qualities of the last four guys you dated. Are they similar? Are you repeating a pattern? Only by expanding your view of what constitutes a worthy date will you finally be able to break the patterns that have been holding you back.

    Before you write off a new man, give him six dates. Yes, six (unless he makes you feel uncomfortable or is disrespectful.) But if you find him pleasant enough, look past the initial lack of fireworks and simply spend time with him on a get-to-know-you basis. Forget the pressure of dating, and just get to know another human being. True chemistry only happens over time and when you feel safe with someone; this is the kind of chemistry that stands the test of time and plants the seed for a lifelong romance.

  479.  #479Femininewoman on September 17, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    Here’s a new Tool to help you with this whole trick of NEVER letting a man be SO important to your well-being that HE comes first.

    Let’s call this Tool: NO CLOSURE.

    Well, first, what’s “Closure”?

    Closure ISN’T what we usually think of it as – that “final” knowing that a relationship is over, and finally getting to say EVERYTHING that’s been