Why You’re Still Single

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still singleHere’s a great guest post by Marni Battista:

“Why am I still single?”

This question plagues just about every woman who comes to Dating With Dignity for coaching.

Invariably, before coming to me for help, she has asked this same question of her girlfriends, her mother, her best male friend, and even her therapist.

More often than not, when a woman comes to me for coaching, she has enjoyed success in so many other areas of her life, but has been unsuccessful at finding and/or keeping a loving relationship; and she is, to put it simply, mystified.

“It doesn’t make sense,” she declares. “Why?” she asks again. “Why am I STILL single?”

If you are asking yourself—and your friends, family, and mental health professionals—this question, I can help.

The first step is examining the often contradictory and self-defeating beliefs that lie deep in your heart—beliefs you may not have admitted to yourself, let alone anyone else.

These beliefs are likely the biggest obstacles standing between you and the relationship you desire.

Once you’ve uncovered these beliefs, you’ll be ready to shed the “It doesn’t make sense” mantra and get on with making the changes necessary to find the relationship of your dreams.

So, Why Are You Still Single?

For starters, it is likely that you have carried the lessons you learned from past relationships and childhood right into today, and this unconscious junk is now hindering your ability to attract the right kind of man—a man who is capable of engaging in a healthy dating process and, ultimately, committing to a relationship.

Here are a few of the reasons a typical female client of mine might uncover:

  • Her “limiting beliefs” are so unconscious that she believes they are the truth.
  • She believes she has to protect herself.
  • She doesn’t trust men, and she feels that she has to fight to get what she wants.
  • She needs to be right, and most often she doesn’t even realize that this is affecting nearly all of her conversations and relationships.
  • She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and is in a constant state of worry.
  • She doesn’t respond. She reacts.

The good news is that, once you’ve uncovered your own truths, real and lasting change is possible. With a little work, you can adopt an entirely new set of beliefs and attitudes that can help you get the relationship you want and deserve.

Meet Linda. Linda was in her mid-thirties when she came to me. She felt worthless, hopeless, and tired of meaningless hookups. She didn’t love herself, or even see herself as worthy of dating a man who would treat her like a queen.

After working with me in group coaching and doing other relationship-readiness work, Linda is now dating amazing men—the kind of men she used to be afraid to even talk to.

She is so confident in her new life that she chose to leave one special man behind in her hometown (something she would never have done in the past) to pursue a dream job opportunity abroad, knowing that it is important for her to create the life she loves now, and confident in her belief that if he is “The One,” he will be there when she returns. Linda is happy, relaxed, extremely satisfied with her life, and looking forward to discovering what the future holds.

Meet Sheryl. Sheryl is in her mid-fifties and is soon to be an empty-nester. Sheryl is successful at work and has been divorced for six years.

She has never dated much, instead focusing most of her attention on her children and creating an independent life—something she didn’t have when she was in her unhealthy marriage.

Sheryl came to me because she knew that it was finally HER time, but she was terrified that if she entered into a relationship she would lose everything she had worked so hard to create. Through both group coaching classes and private coaching sessions, Sheryl realized that she had been so busy trying to control, create, and manage her life as a single mom that she didn’t even realize that she was unable to accept love, help, or generosity.

She had a heavy heart and was terrified of dating. Through our work together, Sheryl learned to relax, enjoy her life, and receive all sorts of love and attention. She learned to stop working so hard and to instead allow things to unfold. In just a few months, Sheryl was able to accomplish more of the things on her to-do list than she ever had before—and all without stress.

She dramatically improved her relationships with her children and embarked on a trip she had long dreamed of taking. She began to know herself, trust her own judgment, and feel deeply. Sheryl now feels that she is truly ready to embark on a new era of her journey that includes dating.

The common lesson in these two stories is this: We are not broken.

We do not need to be fixed.

The truth is, however, that many of us wear masks—learned default patterns or habits—that help us to feel safe and get by, but also keep us stuck. But we are much more than our bad habits or default tendencies.

If you choose to remove the mask, anything is possible. By committing to developing a perfect blend of skills, intention, and action, you can have the life you’ve dreamed of.

What actions will you take today to begin living an authentic life?

How will you choose to live a life free from the trap of self-protection?

What will you do to ensure that your future is more than just a repeat of your past?

Take time today to choose to live life as the blank canvas it is.

You are the artist and director. Be bold, take a risk, and let go.

The results will be nothing short of miraculous.

Marni

You can find Marni at her great site (and be sure to take her free assessment! – at www.DatingWithDignity.com

Love, Rori

 

 

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667 Comments

  1.  #1Ariadne on October 20, 2011 at 7:10 am

    OMG!!!!! I got here first????? Maybe/maybe not!!! Love to all! Xo A



  2.  #2Femininewoman on October 20, 2011 at 7:33 am

    You did Ariadne.

    Marni I love your style.



  3.  #3Ariadne on October 20, 2011 at 7:35 am

    FW! …..and I love your style! I learn sooo much from your posts…and your points of view. A



  4.  #4elle_emm on October 20, 2011 at 7:51 am

    this post feels good to read.



  5.  #5Aurora Girl on October 20, 2011 at 8:43 am

    sometimes the vibe we put out..the real reason we were/are single is hidden from us….yet the signals are everywhere if we let our guard down and let them in to tell us…..sometimes we need help along the way to change things………similar to the question “why am I still unhappy”………

    I know I had to let go of somethings and take chances at others…….
    xo



  6.  #6Susan on October 20, 2011 at 9:08 am

    “Sheryl came to me because she knew that it was finally HER time, but she was terrified that if she entered into a relationship she would lose everything she had worked so hard to create.”

    That was me, too. I was so self protective I wouldn’t let anyone in. I’m still afraid of losing things, but not as much as before.



  7.  #7Starla on October 20, 2011 at 9:09 am

    ummm i am noticing how pissy i feel when Crack Fix says he will call and doesn’t.

    Even though it happens once in a blue moon.

    I feel like he’s so smart, so he must know better! And if he’s not calling, he knows he said he would, so it’s a test or a game or something weird!!



  8.  #8R.N.AmazingMe on October 20, 2011 at 9:27 am

    @7 Starla…..that stinks, I hate that it feels like games to me.



  9.  #9R.N.AmazingMe on October 20, 2011 at 9:29 am

    It’s like then again maybe not guys are soooooo different than us.



  10.  #10Daria on October 20, 2011 at 9:30 am

    wow

    i talked to my guy friend that i also dated and focused on keeping my pelvis relaxed

    i wasnt so jumpy to fill in convo… and HE was! he actually kept me on the phone for a long time!

    and then!! I was able to tell him i don’t want to have sex with men who don’t go down on me!

    weee

    i did it!

    it felt scary

    he said he understood

    yay for pauses and quietness

    he wants to come see me today

    i said im free after 4 and we set at 4

    🙂



  11.  #11Daria on October 20, 2011 at 9:32 am

    i love how soft and gentle my new computer is

    thank you computergoddess



  12.  #12Starla on October 20, 2011 at 9:36 am

    I dunno…maybe it’s not a game, maybe it is. Maybe if I don’t give it any energy, it will cease to be an issue, because although we all get sucked into little insecure games from time to time, it’s not something he strives to do.

    He just texted me saying he wants to know what time to pick me up from class tonight, and to see me and kiss me, hehe, cute.

    my friend was gonna come to class with me but she just backed out.

    i will just go home with him as usual, and try like hell to have him leave me at my door.



  13.  #13Daria on October 20, 2011 at 9:42 am

    i am now upgrading my phone

    wee me



  14.  #14Daria on October 20, 2011 at 9:48 am

    whats pretty awesome is … the things i used to be attracted to exes by…

    like ways of speaking, a certain voice tone…

    well now new men are showing up with those same characteristics!!

    it’s like i never “lost” my “attractive” exes at all!

    newer better men are coming in, who sound like that one,

    or feel energetically in synch like that one,

    etc etc!

    yay!

    thank u



  15.  #15R.N.AmazingMe on October 20, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Yay Daria……and yes Starla good take it with a stride lean back and give hime every reason to want more…if not we alll know better is out there if need be!!Good Luck!



  16.  #16Ariadne on October 20, 2011 at 10:24 am

    I asked yesterday….and didn’t get an answer…I’ll try again today…..It was on my post 410….must have gotten lost in the shuffle…does anybody know of an online course for relationship coaching that is accredited…and one of the better ones out there? There are so many when I google it. I want the best one. Thanks again, Sirens! Xo A



  17.  #17Tiffany on October 20, 2011 at 10:26 am

    Posted this to the last thread, and then discovered new post! Whee!

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2349117563337



  18.  #18Esteemed on October 20, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Hi! I love you all!



  19.  #19Starla on October 20, 2011 at 10:41 am

    I am feeling guilty and slutty dating guys besides Crack Fix.



  20.  #20Starla on October 20, 2011 at 10:43 am

    We have talked about how I am “single” though. and what would change that. he knows he doesn’t get me all to himself, but i think he would feel horrible knowing i am kissing other guys and flirting with them.



  21.  #21MiRi on October 20, 2011 at 10:47 am

    This post is awesome. My “limiting beliefs” have hurt me so much in the past and still continue to haunt me…. I need to heal from that.

    It’s been a while since I’ve updated here… It’s been officially 4weeks since he called me. I guess it’s definitely over.
    I’ve been CD-ing for 2 weeks now, I can’t help but thinking of him, though my CDates are interesting and nice and classy and everything… I can’t forget him… 🙁

    ((((hugs to all))))



  22.  #22Esteemed on October 20, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Ariadne,

    RE: #16 – I don’t know of any that are accredited, but I know Rori is the BEST! 🙂



  23.  #23Daria on October 20, 2011 at 10:55 am

    i am so da bomb, gently easing my way thru time changes

    i made strawberry and cucumber smoothie! yay! thank you Daria



  24.  #24Megan on October 20, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Yay Daria #14

    that is comforting to hear when trying to let go a guy when it is not working for you…

    I feel bold saying this so here goes:
    I feel sick and tired of being told “he’s too young” or “the timing isn’t right”
    I don’t feel animosity towards anyone saying these things but @ the fact that they are true.
    I’m 25. which is young, but I’m not 17.

    I’m not eager to get married but my parents were married @ 24, as were many of my friends’ parents.
    I know PLENTY of people my age in serious relationships/engaged/married.

    no offense to anyone but I don’t want to wait around for ages and I don’t think I should have to.

    how do you explain highschool/college sweethearts if you have to wait for a guy to become emotionally mature??

    Why can my best friend find someone younger who wants to marry her and I can’t even find one my own age??

    I don’t want to date a 30 yr old!!!!
    I feel grrrrrr, impatient, tired of letting perfectly good guys go bc “they aren’t ready”.
    it feels like a tease. I know it’s practice but it still feels like unneccesary heartache.
    JUST GET THERE ALREADY!!!



  25.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Hello, world. 25 on my birthday? or 26? Both good years. I’m thankful for them; I learned a lot.

    xoxo



  26.  #26Tiffany on October 20, 2011 at 11:37 am

    Daria – Strawberry cucumber smoothie sounds Yum!



  27.  #27Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 11:42 am

    @16: Ariadne says:
    “…does anybody know of an online course for relationship coaching that is accredited…and one of the better ones out there?…”

    I’m curious. What kind of accreditation are you seeking? From what body? That might be the second place to start. The first would be the purpose for finding an online relationship coaching course.

    Do you want to work as a relationship coach? First things first. What skills are required? What credentials are required?

    Maybe you don’t need an online course. Maybe you’ve already gained enough knowledge, wisdom and method through previous courses, experience, research and practice. I go along with Barbara Sher’s way of doing in this regard; however, it you are determined to buy something there are a lot of places which will be willing to take money.

    I suggest starting at the end desired result and then plotting backward to find your best first steps.

    xoxo



  28.  #28Daria on October 20, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Megan – I think some guys are ready young, and some guys aren’t ready even old

    and I remember not wanting to date older men, and i kinda did it for practice (just a lil bit) and phew i feel so relieved that now i find myself attracted to some older men too

    i feel more “normal” , before i thought there was something “off” with me for only being attracted to younger men

    now i feel attracted to a wider age range and it feels relaxing



  29.  #29Tiffany on October 20, 2011 at 11:44 am

    @ Megan – what’s wrong with a 30 year old? If two people are compatible, 5 years is not a very big age difference.

    besides, I have met very few men who are emotionally mature in their mid-twenties (Not to say they aren’t out there, but still…)

    How do I explain High School Sweethearts? Because love happens when it happens. You can’t always decide when or how or what it’s going to look like…



  30.  #30Ariadne on October 20, 2011 at 11:51 am

    #22 Esteemed….YES!!!! Rori is the best! I have a degree in Social Work. Doing Interior Design work for past 20 yrs. Market horrible for that now. Want to see if I can start small local business in coaching. Rori is…The Best..Agreed!!! I feel blessed to have found her…took her teleclass that just ended…I shall never forget her! Xo K



  31.  #31Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 11:56 am

    @24: Megan

    Be a little easy on yourself. If you are 25 that’s not too young to get married. I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules although I usually consider 25, the cut off age for engagements.

    Under 25 and it’s best to spend time getting to know one’s adult self but there are people that marry younger and successfully. That gives you three years or so after graduation… So marrying at 26 or 27 is… cool…

    You just haven’t met the right guy… yet… He’s out there. I just saw the cutest married couple last week, in their early or mid twenties I guess. I thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend. He said so proudly, “she’s my wife!” My heart skipped a beat… Awww… They were so sweet.

    xoxo



  32.  #32Ariadne on October 20, 2011 at 11:57 am

    SLV… Thanks for your suggestions and input…I enjoy reading your posts very much…..and what you have to say. xoA



  33.  #33Tiffany on October 20, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Hm, I remembered the one thing that bothered me about the phone conversation I had last night with TDH. Not to pick the whole thing apart. but more to come out and “confess” a repetition of a bad habit….though it wasn’t really so bad.

    I just remember saying at one point that he “had a lot going on” and that he seemed “busy with work.” This is true. And of course it was bothering me that this kept coming up, whereas he had been so available before, and ready to see me at the drop of a hat. But now suddenly he always has to go to the gym in the evening – even on a Friday. And he has to work weekends, and can’t even go out on a Saturday night. So I have to believe that all of this is true. But it also feels like I went from being “really important” and interesting enough to drop everything else, to taking a backseat to whatever was on his plate. The feeling of this was really what I didn’t like about FWB – and I even texted him that I didn’t want to feel like #2. I wanted to feel special and like #1.

    But when I reiterated the work thing in conversation, it almost felt (to me) like I was making an excuse for him. Like, “Oh, it’s okay. I understand. You can be totally absent and do nothing for me, because I see that work is so important to you.” Except it’s not.

    Really what I was saying was: If work is so important to you, then you can have it. But you’re not also going to have me if I’m in the back seat and you’re not even making any effort to see me.

    That was the whole point of telling him that I was only going to be comfortable with being friends. Even though I didn’t say it in so many words. I may or may not have gotten my point across.

    But I also just know that there’s no point in me trying to get him to give me more than he wants to give. Because that’s not going to happen. I’m not going to wait around.

    I just don’t want to even feel like I am making any excuses for him. Because I know that any man who wants to be with a woman will have NOTHING standing in the way between him and her. And I’m not settling for anything less. 🙂



  34.  #34Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    @32: Ariadne says:
    “…SLV… Thanks for your suggestions and input…I enjoy reading your posts very much…..and what you have to say. xoA…”

    Thank you for your kind words. If you check, Barbara Sher also used a similar background to do the coaching, counseling and writing she wanted to do. You can check her website and also get her books from the library or local bookstore.

    She is a big proponent for learning how to do things without extra certification. You really, really don’t need “permission” to do a lot of things. Learning and preparation often counts more. Of course, having a book on “The New York Times best seller list” helps too.

    I’ve enjoyed this discussion and you have also been an inspiration to me.

    xoxo



  35.  #35Tiffany on October 20, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Happy B-day SLV!!!



  36.  #36Tiffany on October 20, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Oh yeah. The other thing that felt yick was when I mentioned dating other people. Not in a major way. I just said that I was “dating now and having fun.” It was supposed to be me being honest about my situation and unattached to the “outcome.” But when I said it, it made me feel like not a serious person, and like I was saying he should give up on me because I’m going to be seeing other people. So why should he bother? Oy.

    I’m still working on this communication stuff…

    But overall, I still feel fine. I should probably just stop writing about it, because I have many more important things to think about! lol



  37.  #37Starla on October 20, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    i will not invite Crack Fix in when he drops me off
    i will not invite Crack Fix in when he drops me off

    i will not invite Crack Fix in when he drops me off

    i will not invite Crack Fix in when he drops me off

    i will not invite Crack Fix in when he drops me off

    i will not invite Crack Fix in when he drops me off



  38.  #38ive no idea on October 20, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    7 starla

    just curious what do you say to crack fix when he doesnt call when he says hes going to?



  39.  #39Starla on October 20, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    well in the past, i only had to bring it up once…he had done it 2 or 3 times over a couple of weeks and it was bugging me, especially when it was supposed to confirm plans.

    So I said something along the lines of “I start to feel really uptight when i don’t hear from men when they say to expect their calls, especially to firm up plans…and it feels so good to spend time with you…and i don’t want to feel that way with you. what do you think?”

    so this is the first time he’s done it since then, which was a couple of months ago. And he kinda only suggested he might be calling. He texted instead.

    It’s not a big deal for practical purposes…just noticing how it triggers the f*ck out of me!

    and feeling a little taken for granted, even though he helps me all the time and spontaneously took me to my fav mexican restaurant when i needed cheering up (he is broke as a joke so i thought this was sweet).

    i think it’s rough for me because other guys are trying to get my time, and i’m scared he will go away if he doesn’t want to compete with these other guys, and it will be his own damn fault because he didn’t try to claim my time more aggressively.



  40.  #40Starla on October 20, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    there are also some other issues clouding up our vibe. Any feedback you guys have would be appreciated:

    He told me “i’ve been instructed by my family to invite you to my neice’s birthday on Sunday.” and then we proceeded to have an awkward conversation about whether he actually WANTED me there. There was no resolution. I don’t know if he doesn’t want me there or is terrified of admitting he wants me at family functions of his. He invited me to thanksgiving in the same fashion before, but the conversation concluded with him saying he DOES want me to come… I need him to be more direct or else i feel mega uncomfortable and unwanted. I don’t plan on going on Sunday. So hopefully he doesn’t secretly really want me there, cuz he didn’t communicate that so well. i feel trapped like i’m doomed to f&ck this one up either way

    the other thing is he casually mentioned he would have to evaluate his finances about if he could take me to this show or not and still go see another band he likes, when i mentioned how excited i was that he invited me. and i got kinda pouty and weird, and was like ‘wtf’, and then he said he was taking me still because he said he would.

    it’s like he doesn’t want to let me down, but was cornered. and i felt bad about the money-focused conversation…and like a greedy self-serving b*tch.



  41.  #41sammie sighs on October 20, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Hmmmm will I get another text from Mr P tonight It feels bit yucky that he texts b4 he goes to bed night thinking of u than nothing all day seeing if he can string me along perhaps how do I say it nice to hear from you but I feel ick when you text me just b4 u go to bed but not during day …do I just ignore?



  42.  #42Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    Here are wise words from Terry MacDonald. I love, love, love the way she puts things.

    “What Never to Do When You Want a Commitment”
    http://datingadvicealmostdaily.wordpress.com/2011/10/20/what-never-to-do-when-you-want-a-commitment/

    xoxo



  43.  #43ive no idea on October 20, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    does anyone ever wonder if men spend all this amount of time analysing their relationships?? lol

    starla
    i know i would be thinking ‘surely youd rather go see the show with me than go see the other band’ im new to this and id definitely be a moody b*tch about it. id try not to let it show but i know hed know

    im definitely no siren yet lol



  44.  #44Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    @35: Tiffany

    Thank you! But I must confess, if you don’t already know, I celebrate birthday every month. Another “excuse” for fun… and treats.

    xoxo



  45.  #45ive no idea on October 20, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    sammy
    does he start up a full on conversation with you? maybe you could just say youre a bit tired to be texting late at night but it would be really nice to hear from him during the day at some point??

    or is that too much of a lie i wonder??



  46.  #46Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    @43: ive no idea says:
    “…does anyone ever wonder if men spend all this amount of time analysing their relationships?? lol..”

    Well, *I* don’t personally wonder… LOL
    😆

    The posts I’ve seen on the men’s forums are not usually about “analysing relationships”, they are more often about “how to get” whatever it is they want to get.

    xoxo



  47.  #47sammie sighs on October 20, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Hi no Idea well I broke up with him for upteenth time found out he was telling an ex he still had big crush on her yet he had me plastered on fb etc I got mad and said I felt like I was last in his life that he had to have his “fix” with all his ex’s “friends” I guess I overreacted and scince then I have got close to a guy friend and think is that all it genuienly was?? Any way he text me two nights in row with a convo saying he was thinking of me then nothing in day then same again at night and I’m so tired of it and think shall I just ignore the text and let him go??? Urgh I prefered it when I didn’t hear from him!



  48.  #48ive no idea on October 20, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    senior lady vibe
    if only it was as easy as someone telling you how to get whatever it is you want



  49.  #49sammie sighs on October 20, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    @43 you know what I think it is as easy I think we spend to much time over analysing well I do I think I’m just gonna say NEXT lol



  50.  #50Mel on October 20, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    SLV…

    Thanks for the “Dating Advice Almost Daily” link! Great stuff!

    Look at this little gem:

    “It’s been my experience that a lot of us want a relationship on one level, while subconsciously we’re terrified of actually having one. So we make sure we don’t have one. We protect ourselves by sabotaging our chances for love at every turn.”

    Hrrrrmmmm…. this sounds very much like me.

    Good stuff! 😉



  51.  #51ive no idea on October 20, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    sammy sighs
    whydont you give him a text in the day time and see what response you get?

    i know we always get told not to do the chasing etc and let the man initiate the texting but dont you sometimes want to scream ‘what about what i want to do’

    altough saying that if he blanks you you are going to feel really awful and wish youd never done it

    probably best to ignore me



  52.  #52tinque on October 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Megan – It’s your time to find your “the one” when it’s your time. This can’t be rushed. If you try, you will likely suffer.

    And it’s perfectly okay to have relationships which don’t end up working out, even very long term ones, for you learn and grow from all of it.

    Each person who comes into your life brings lessons if you choose to learn them, and each lesson learned opens you heart even bigger if you allow it.

    And if you don’t meet that special man until your are older, so what?

    I feel incredibly grateful that with my “the one”, we only caught for the most part glimpses at each other when we were younger and did not meet again or get together until ten years later.

    If we had done so earlier, it would likely have not worked out, and we would have missed out on the beauty and specialness we now have.

    Patience is a wonderful virtue.

    xxoo



  53.  #53sammie sighs on October 20, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    #50 yes I think that was me scared!
    #51 thanks no idea I have felt like it but I broke up with him he knows how I feel I feel I should respect hin and give him space I’m fed up with trying to control a situation so I don’t get hurt! What will be will be I guess !
    That was lovely Tinique! I learnt big lessons in my last two relationships!! How I want to be treated and how I should treat others and patience I see this as a big test for me just let it go and be let the chips fall where they may!



  54.  #54ive no idea on October 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    im feeling really triggered tonight so came on to rori ray site to see if could find some insightful help. my boyfriend is going away for a few weeks with work next week and i was really looking forward to spending some time with him this weekend, but his ex wife phoned with some sob story wanting him to have his kids for the weekend (she only lets him have them when she wants to do somethig herself) so hes taking them to his mothers so she can see them as well. now i totally understand he wants to see his children especially as he doest get to see them very often, but it just annoys me that she can snap her fingers and he just goes running. i know im being childish because if he didnt want to go see them i wouldnt be very happy about that either. sometimes im such a selfish cow i dont know whats wrong with me



  55.  #55tinque on October 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    You are human, i’ve no idea. It’s perfectly normal to want to spend more time with your man, be with him. It’s not selfish. It just is. You can still feel this way and feel compassion for his situation and his children.

    xxoo



  56.  #56ive no idea on October 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    i want him not to see them and stay with me, but if he did that i wouldnt want to see him anyway

    im glad im human sometimes it feels like im not

    thankyou



  57.  #57Ella on October 20, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Well since my text from CD1 this morning to which I replied including that I could do with a hug and a mily facy and kiss, no reply back…

    Tbh I am feeling rather bored of this lack of contact. And also slightly pissy about it.

    But whatever maybe it will change again.

    Nothing currently from CD2.

    He may show up again.

    I don’t mind about that either.

    I sorta learning about how to stay open with them and appreciative of what they bring me, when I am feeling a bit cross because I am wanting more than they are giving…

    Hmmm, tricky and good practice.



  58.  #58Ella on October 20, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    A male friend of mine said to me the other day that I am ‘different’ from most women.

    This felt good 🙂

    I asked him to expand and he said I am kinda direct. He said some people can’t handle it.

    He also said that he thinks I analyse things too much, but this is cus I told him I read lots of relationship stuff, and the other day I mentioned something about ‘the stranger’ and ‘NV’s’ … so that’s where that comes from.

    This part didn’t feel so good to hear though. And its true… I do analyse. Cus I feel so fascinated by relationship.

    And I am practicing not analysing, and just being in the moment.

    He said sometimes I get things really wrong… and I said I don’t presume to know stuff about other people… just try to express how I am feeling.

    Was an interesting conversation.



  59.  #59Ella on October 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    I am feeling much better again today.

    Like really, really so much better.

    I REALLY crashed down into a pit over the last few days.

    I had fogotten how bad that can really feel.

    I felt AWFUL.

    I mean literally like I was in the bottom of a pit, overwhelmed by negative emotions, negative voices and intense stuff.

    I felt sick, vulnerable, scared, heavy, icky, unattractive and depressed.

    And heavy.

    I have not felt like that for a long, long time.

    I felt lonely and could have really done with a man or some support.

    CD1 was there on the phone somewhat…

    But I was ok.

    🙂

    And today I am starting to feel better again.

    It left me feeling drained earlier and really delicate, vulnerable.

    Now, having made some decisions about my work, and having the pressure of trying to make Avon work removed I feel kinda relieved.

    And today I even feel postive that this will work and some good stuff will happen.

    I feel excited to get stuck into Zumba in a big way and willing to do some weekend bar work to supplement my income.

    I feel excited to explore offering Zumba/weight loss classes on my own.

    And I will continue to be open for ironing jobs.

    Exploring some other stuff too.

    However I feel relieved now that I have some time to focus on this side of things.

    Feels like space and breathing.

    I can do flyers and advertise lots..

    And I am a good dancer and teacher and I can keep practicing to get better and better.

    And there is some new music which is inspiring.

    I think it is going to be ok.

    And it turned out I didn’t need CD1 after all.

    Although if he, or any lovely man, wants to help me out some more I am open to it and I will appreciaively recieve that help.

    There are so many things I can contribute if I stay open.

    I am by no means out of the woods financially however it feels good to be doing something Pro-active.

    And now I have time I can make myself one of the best Zumba teachers…

    Yay me.

    Oh, and I am also looking at doing a Pole Dancing teachers qualification too…



  60.  #60Ella on October 20, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Owww, new men on POF!

    Yay.

    My vibe obviously shifted!!

    PRACTICE.

    Weeee.

    I feel excited.



  61.  #61Ella on October 20, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Wow, I just got asked on a date in record time on POF… and accepted!

    Although now I am feeling a lil nervous and scared… like what if he is a serial k7ller or something.

    Still meeting in a public place… it will all be fine.

    He seems nice although is not smiling in his one pic which always makes me feel a lil afraid.

    Still, if I don’t feel good/safe I can leave…

    Oh and he asked me to text him tomorrow… and I immediately responded that it feels better when men text me and it would feel good to hear from him…

    My point, it came out automatically and didn’t even feel difficult, just completely natural!

    Yay.

    I don’t feel that excited about this date though.

    Its practice though.

    I wonder what he is here to teach me?



  62.  #62Ella on October 20, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Where is everyone???????????????

    Feeling lonely on here tonight.



  63.  #63ellekey on October 20, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Hey, Ella!

    The way you’re talking about it feels really good to me!! Best of luck!!! You’re not alone : )



  64.  #64Natasha on October 20, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Hi Rori,

    I’m not sure you’ll read this, but I wanted to message you, at least in some way. I need advice. I think I know what I need to do, but I need some support to help me do so. 🙂

    I like a guy. He’s lovely, sweet, funny, outgoing, attractive, and I find myself very drawn to him. We’re both at university and he is a few years older than me. We met a few weeks ago and I felt a mutual attraction, so I decided to take the first step and try to get to know him better. We spent a few hours talking together, just the two of us, and I felt like we had a great time. We have tons of similar interests. I laughed a lot. I’m not the most relaxed or talkative of people, but around him I felt good. He is rather charming and we definitely flirted quite a bit – there was some gentle, playful physical contact. However, during the course of our conversation he told me that he has a girlfriend. So now I’m feeling a little torn. Yes, I will still spend time with him, and I still enjoy being in his company. But I can’t do anything to progress the relationship as I might do if he didn’t have a girlfriend. I’m not really sure if he’s just a naturally flirty guy or if his behaviour means something else – why would he lead me on if he already has a girlfriend? I understand that it is human nature for two people to flirt, and after all, I did make the first move. But still, I can’t help feeling a little – betrayed. It’s stupid really. I’ve congratulated myself that it was brave of me to get to know him so well (considering how shy I can be), and I won’t allow myself to get too hung up on him. I’m going to meet other guys and have fun with them too. And yet, right now, I’m still feeling down because it seems this potential relationship has hit a solid wall.

    Rori, if you could give me any advice… I would really appreciate it!



  65.  #65Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    @64: Natasha

    According to what you described, he didn’t “lead you on.” You’re a girl, he’s a boy. You flirted, he flirted back. You both had fun and he told you he had a girlfriend and didn’t offer you anything.

    Meet lots of other guys, be warm and fun and easy to talk with. Let them approach you and ask to spend some time with you. Have fun!

    😀

    xoxo



  66.  #66Senior Lady Vibe on October 20, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    @48: ive no idea says:
    “…senior lady vibe
    if only it was as easy as someone telling you how to get whatever it is you want…”

    It seems the guys that are motivated to get whatever it is they want, then take action to get it.

    😀

    xoxo



  67.  #67Starla on October 20, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Well, he dropped me off from my class, and he asked if he could come in for a bit, and i said no…and the whole ride home and drop off at my door was really weird and quiet. like…he was wondering what was wrong in his head.

    i feel disconnected from him. it’s because he doesn’t make plans with me for the weekends. ah well, i think it’s a good sign about how healthy i’ve become that i feel disconnected and bored when a man when he’s not stepping up.

    i love me



  68.  #68Starla on October 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    India emailed me yesterday about a date on Saturday, and I told him when I was free and asked him what he thinks, but he never emailed back. So I officially have no date on Saturday night.

    I wanted Crack Fix to make plans with me for that time, and when he never did, I was feeling relieved that I would have some sort of distraction by having plans with a different man.

    I am going to CD myself that night. Not sure what I’ll do, but I’ll have fabulous new purple hair, so I’ll probably want to go out and show it off.

    Anyway, the CD’ing shouldn’t just be to distract myself from the fact that one man in particular isn’t asking me out…then the focus is STILL on him in a way.

    I am working on this and feeling good about all I’m learning.



  69.  #69Starla on October 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Can you ladies please help me think of fun Saturday night solo dates I can take myself on? Like after 8pm



  70.  #70Starla on October 20, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    lonely blog night indeed:)

    was in the shower just now where i do my deepest thinking 😀

    and maybe i don’t need to go out at all on sat. night. maybe i need to stay home and enjoy my own company, and not be so worried about showing off anything to anyone else…my hair will be purple the next day and the next…etc.

    i am feeling depressed and my period’s coming. some low key time might feel amazing.



  71.  #71alias girl lol on October 20, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    cd is two inches shorter than me.

    and i am NOT tall. at ALL. lol.

    but he’s in. he’s hispanic. local. cute face. normal email. wants to meet.

    he’s in.



  72.  #72alias girl lol on October 20, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    any other ethnicity and two inches shorter. no. two inches taller. no.

    hispanic. normal. dudes are in.



  73.  #73alias girl lol on October 20, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    69 starla what do you like?????

    where do you WISH a date would take you?

    live music? a concert? a dance concert? an art opening? a politcal speech? karaoke?

    meet-up dot com has lots of stuff too!



  74.  #74alias girl lol on October 20, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    67 exactly. i feel almost immediately intolerably bored when a man is blase.

    like dude, go. ive got better things to do, better offers, and new people to meet.

    but i also tend to “discard” people rather quickly so i can avoid relationships.

    so dont listen to me. (i do but it works for me)

    listen to YOU.



  75.  #75alias girl lol on October 20, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    the box of toothpicks just dropped from the shelf SPLAT! right into the bowl of muffin batter.

    aw. what can you do.

    i love my life.



  76.  #76Alicia on October 20, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    I def do not want a repeat of my past in my future..
    That is why I’m single.. and scared to commit. Also, willing to do everything I need to do to ensure that wont happen. Lots of counseling, learning, forgiving and peace.. just scared to repeat the past..



  77.  #77Tiffany on October 20, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Ah. SLV. Well, in that case, I take it back! lol

    No, seriously, I did not know that. And in general, I am not in the habit of wishing birthdays here, although many of the sirens share theirs. I guess I will go back to that practice, since it feels weird in an environment where you can’t really be sure when somebody’s birthday really is. I feel great that you are making more excuses to celebrate (more power!). But I feel weird and a little embarrassed at wishing happy birthday when it’s not really a birthday.

    Nevertheless, a happy Un-Birthday to you!



  78.  #78Tiffany on October 20, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    There were not one, but TWO earthquakes today…a little bit scary…



  79.  #79Butterfly Wings on October 21, 2011 at 1:57 am

    Eeek. I hope everything’s ok Tiffany… :-\



  80.  #80Butterfly Wings on October 21, 2011 at 2:01 am

    WELL….. you know that really really happy place I was in yesterday? I’m no longer in it. In fact, I’ve fallen right into a miserable, dark pit. 🙁

    I’m soooo mad at ME for liking TH so much!!! ARGH!!!

    Tonight we had drinks after work for a girl who was leaving so we were all there (including TH and the other woman he has feelings for), and of course when she went to get drinks he didn’t hesitate to offer to help her. Of course!!!

    OMG I feel so angry!!! And sad, and alone…. 🙁

    In the end I said I was leaving, said goodbye to everyone (including him), and I came home. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. And I didn’t want to see him try to get her alone anymore. I wouldn’t have coped with it!

    She texted me earlier to tell me he’d left then come back again with a friend, so they’re all having a fabulous time at the pub, meanwhile I’ve walked home crying and am sitting in my bed with the laptop and a beer, feeling like sh*t….

    So glad I have a night out planned with a bunch of girls tomorrow night. And I KNOW it will be a huge night too! Just what I need I think… 🙁 Blah…



  81.  #81Butterfly Wings on October 21, 2011 at 2:02 am

    Oh and of course he’s not texted to ask why I left either…. I so wish I hated him…..



  82.  #82sammie sighs on October 21, 2011 at 2:32 am

    Hi Sirens!! Well Im feeling way better today no Mr P didnt text and I did send a email saying hey hope your well thanks for the texts lately but Im gonna ask that you leave me to get over you and move on because although its lovely to hear from you it hurts more because I’m still in love with you so take good care of yourself x I need to heal and it just takes it back when he contacts especially when I know it wont go anywhere…I have to say ladies that EMK also has some great advice gives a mans prospecive its helped me along with Rori’s advice alot…



  83.  #83sammie sighs on October 21, 2011 at 2:50 am

    Wow saying good is hard it was 3 years and we never quite got there allowing myself to cry and feel sad and yet I know I have learned so much he taught me good things and some things I dont want in a relationship I hope I can be a better person and love someone with all of my heart without fear..until I do I will work on growing and taking care of me…



  84.  #84sammie sighs on October 21, 2011 at 2:51 am

    *goodbye 🙂



  85.  #85Butterfly Wings on October 21, 2011 at 2:54 am

    sammie, I think I need to do something similar….

    But there’s a stupid part of me that doesn’t want to be completely alone on my 40th and he’s brought up recently that he was thinking of taking me away for a weekend which is something I would absolutely LOVE… 🙁

    Sigh….

    Oh and I finally got a text (2 hours later) asking why I left….



  86.  #86Ella on October 21, 2011 at 4:44 am

    ((((Butterfly Wings))))

    Awww, I’m thinking about you honni!

    I can imagine how icky that must feel.

    I’m just on my way out the door to work and will check back here later.

    What are you going to say to his text?

    Btw you are doing great… you walked away and took care of yourself.

    You are loving yourself.

    Well Done. xxx



  87.  #87sammie sighs on October 21, 2011 at 4:50 am

    #85 (((hugs))) Butterfly Wings…..See where it goes hun it may be different for you if he steps up and takes you away then just be in the moment see how it goes..But I know with my situation that he is a great man but can’t give me what I need and never will..so I can’t keep hurting myself I want the whole thing and I want someone who can’t wait to have me in his life, who is proud to be with me and loves me for me I don’t want to sit around wondering does he care…I want to feel it!



  88.  #88English Woman on October 21, 2011 at 5:38 am

    #42 SLV

    Great link, I have now subscribed, thank you. 🙂



  89.  #89English Woman on October 21, 2011 at 5:40 am

    #50 Mel

    Yes that paragraph LEAPT out at me this morning.

    Ain’t that the truth for me………. 🙁



  90.  #90T-Girl on October 21, 2011 at 6:58 am

    (((Butterfly Wings))) – I agree with Ella – you did a great job by walking away. I know the emotional stuff in our heads is so hard to deal with though. Is your 40th coming up soon? Can you plan something with your girlfriends or family? How did you answer his text?



  91.  #91Susan on October 21, 2011 at 7:07 am

    My 40th was my absolute worst birthday. I’ve had some pretty good ones since! Perhaps there is too much expectation for the 40th? For me, I kept thinking of all I had planned to have accomplished, but had not. Also, I was left utterly alone that day. ICK.



  92.  #92sammie sighs on October 21, 2011 at 7:22 am

    I forgive you for leaving me when I was pregnant and asking for an abortion

    I forgive you for pushing me

    I forgive you for ignoring me

    I forgive you for putting others before me

    I fogive myself for letting this happen

    I forgive myself for not having the strength to walk away

    I forgive myself for fearing I would always be on my own

    I forgive myself for never feeling good enough

    I love myself for saying goodbye

    I love myself for finally loving me more



  93.  #93Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 7:28 am

    @77: Tiffany says:
    “Ah. SLV. Well, in that case, I take it back! lol…”
    …I feel weird and a little embarrassed at wishing happy birthday when it’s not really a birthday…”

    Oh, no… don’t take it back, don’t take it back!!! 😳

    Please no embarassment or weird feelings. Maybe I didn’t express myself well enough if you felt weird. I will work toward doing a better job of spreading joy.

    It was really, REALLY my birthday day for this month. I celebrate annually and also on that day each month. I embrace abundance; I was blogging for joy.

    So thank you for allowing me to share with you. It’s something I do for fun every month and I don’t want to stifle myself but I’m not expecting birthday wishes every time. For me it’s a vibe upper, a little way to appreciate myself.

    On second thought bring on the birthday wishes. And don’t hesitate to celebrate your own monthly birthdays! Thanks to Emoticon I’m now also celebrating the day of my conception as she does hers!
    😀

    xoxo



  94.  #94Leo on October 21, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Hey Rori!!!

    Thanks a lot for your newsletter today!
    I soo needed to hear this once again. I have to lean back. All the way. And then just be welcoming and happy.
    Your email came perfectly at the right time.

    So great, thank you!
    You just gave me soo much strength (or reminded me of the strength i have within me)!
    I so need to be more confident and leaned back!

    I will have a fun night with myself! Looking forward to it 🙂

    -Leo-



  95.  #95Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 8:25 am

    @84: sammie sighs says:
    “…*goodbye ..”

    Stick around for a bit. Take care of yourself. Explore life. Know that you will be OK. You will be more than OK, you are fabulous right now.

    😀

    xoxo



  96.  #96Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 8:32 am

    @88: English Woman

    You’re welcome. I love her “cut to the chase” witty and positive attitude. I resonate more to that East Coast vibe. I explore many, many places. I was reading her blog (I liked the old website better!) before I found Rori.

    Enjoy. You might like to read some of her old blog archives too… when you have time… hahaha 😆

    😀
    xoxo



  97.  #97miskwa on October 21, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Sometimes one finds herself in a place where there just are not any men who share her core values. Living authentically means you stick to and live your values. I am an academic, a small scale farmer, and staunch environmentalist surrounded by post-mining or ski resort “culture” depending on which direction you drive. I just spent an hour searching on yet another dating site to find maybe 5 men I could connect with out of a total of 500+. Frustrating and a major waste of money. Tried a sort of companionship with a “local” that ended in my feeling incredibly disrespected and often emotionally abused. A male colleague that I had many values in common with turned out to have
    another attachment although he acted as though he was attracted to me.

    Now he despises me. Being in a relationship



  98.  #98Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 8:42 am

    @50: Mel says:
    “…SLV…
    Thanks for the “Dating Advice Almost Daily” link! Great stuff!..”

    I’m happy to share. Her blog posts are mostly answers to people writing in. You might them interesting.

    I bought bee earrings this morning! (I think they’re bees…) And two other pairs, one pair is so outrageous I will feel like Mata Hari if I ever wear them. Yay!

    😀
    xoxo



  99.  #99Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 8:45 am

    😳
    Oops. You might them find them interesting.



  100.  #100miskwa on October 21, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Sorry,something weird happened with the stupid smartphone on my last comment. I wanted to finish by stating that no, I do not want to single for the next nine years till I can afford to retire, I cannot bail on my mortgage to take a much lower paying job ’cause the bank would take all my retirement savings. I learned the very hard way that “settling” for someone that does not share your values is a recipe for diaster



  101.  #101Ella on October 21, 2011 at 8:52 am

    Oh Grrr,

    Feeling a bit negative again.

    I am not feeling at peace about the fact that I cried on the phone to CD1 and I brought all my drama to him by calling him up when I was feeling negative and overwhelmed and icky.

    I feel weak and needy and foolish and guilty one minute and then defiant and cross the next!

    Lol (Id rather laugh than cry).

    I feel like such a dramatic woman… you know that bit in Rori’s TMR I think it is, when she says the man will look at you and think ‘uh ok – drama queen!’ and keep walking.

    Well I feel like that drama queen woman right now.

    I feel SOO angry at myself.

    Like why can’t I be normal and cool like other women?

    Can I find a way to be gentle on myself?

    Have I picked a man who will punish me for having ‘dramatic’ or ‘negative’ emotions because that is what I do to myself?

    Is this helping me heal the belief that I must be good and ‘cool’ and together to get love.

    Is it so hard to believe that a woman can be not together and negative sometimes and still deserve love?

    Why do I feel so bad for being that way?

    Its because I believe I should be able to handle things better… and I didn’t.

    Ok get rid of shoulds…

    Its cus I believe it is my fault men go away.

    Aha, ok, and I know this anyway… this is an old, useless belief.

    Ok in head again…

    Cus don’t want to feel this stuff again 🙁

    ARGHHHHHH FFS!!!!!!!!
    F8CK OFF F8CK OFF F8CK OFF – stupid, boring, nasty feelings.

    Bluuurgh!

    I want to challenge this thought of its my fault and it feels scary to do so cus NVs so strong around this.

    Like how can it be me… ?

    I mean men just do what they do.

    Women have cried to men before and it has made no difference.

    Heck I’ve cried to men before and they have immediately wanted to take care of me and cuddle me.

    I know I can be dramatic when I am feeling like that.

    Are others the same?

    Can I forgive myself for this?

    And anyway, if a man genuinly cares for me, he doesn’t disappear when they going gets a little sticky…

    In fact a man would check in to see if I feel ok.

    Its because I am having difficulty loving me when I am like that.

    I can’t accept that I am like that sometimes.

    And I don’t particularly like it in others either.

    And now I feel like I really need to prove to CD1 ‘look, I am a happy person, I am not this negative, crazy woman who brings people down! I am fun to be with!!!’

    And the truth is I don’t have to prove that to anyone.

    And I feel terrified of being that negative, crazy woman who no one wants to be around cus she drags people down.

    She is definitely my stranger, oh yes!!!!

    I vehemntly don’t want to be her!

    However part of me is her.

    And thats ok.

    And people do usually want to be around me.

    But it feels awful and terrifying and icky when I show that ‘stranger’ part if me and then someone doesn’t want to be around me.

    I feel confused.

    We are meant to be authentic, and show these parts when they come up… however I wouldn’t want someone that did that…

    Hmmm,



  102.  #102Mel on October 21, 2011 at 8:52 am

    Sigh… was just cleaning up my inbox and saw all of the many emails from sexysarcastic, while he was in “hot persuit” step-up mode. This makes me feel so sad and so confused. Like WTF happened? I really, really, really do not get it.

    The last time I saw him things were great, then he got busy, went out of town and started canceling dates. Now there’s no contact. I really miss him. Want my crack fix man back. Hard to let it go. It would be so much easier if I understood… Not knowing sucks. Even after reading Rori’s post on not knowing… it’s still VERY hard!



  103.  #103Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 9:06 am

    @102: Mel

    Who knows? He likes you very much. Perhaps dating others as you are. He’s in his cave figuring it out.

    Probably he’ll show up later when you are busy doing something else.

    Be happy. Buy earrings.

    😀
    xoxo



  104.  #104Mel on October 21, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Thanks SLV… I AM going shopping tonight! It’s my way of CDing myself since I have no dates tonight. I’d like a couple pair of funky earrings.

    I have an awesome amber bee pendant… but perhaps I can find some bee earrings too!



  105.  #105Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Online dating site sent me another “match.” Funny though, most of them I ignore as I know the emails are from the site only and the guys don’t even know: my profile is scantly pro forma and hidden. I have fake younger age on it too.. so most of the “matches” are years younger.

    Today, here comes one in my age group and he has skimpy but attractive profile. Nice. And then…. (screaMs here) I go on site and see his profile shows he’s looking for women up to 22 years younger and he won’t even accept women his own age!!! And I’m even younger than he and he wouldn’t accept me either! GRRRRRrrrrrr! Men!

    xoxo



  106.  #106Mel on October 21, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Ladies… I’m looking for ideas to meet men NOT online.

    I had fun experimenting with Match, but wanna try something different. It definitely helped me get comfortable with dating again, helped me increase my self esteem (LOTS and lots of interest in me and my profile… yay!)… but I have found that the men on there don’t really know what they want. And I’m tired of being the one to help them “figure it out.” LOL! 🙂

    Suggestions? Do any of you have success with just looking all pretty and going to the coffee shop? I’ve actually never tried that….

    P.S. I’m not really a bar/club person.



  107.  #107Ella on October 21, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Is it possible that there are other alternatives other than ‘its my fault’ as to why a man might withdraw?

    Like its just what he does for example…

    Or a million things I don’t even know about.

    Ah, you know what – its just one of those things…

    I am a human… and sometimes I get overwhelmed and upset!

    There’s really nothing wrong in that.
    And I can be dramatic. Can’t we all!

    I remember seeing one of my friends break down and cry once when we were out with a group of guys… she got all upset about an ex and burst into tears in the middle of the night out!

    I thought ‘oh wow, these guys are NOT going to want to deal with this!!’ and actually they all flocked around her to soothe her and make her feel bettter.

    Ok, so they knew her better than CD1 knows me, and they knew she is not always like that… but my point is that it triggered something in them that they wanted to take care of her.

    And I remember even feeling a little jealous!

    So most guys do actually want to look after a woman when she is upset.

    Which makes me feel a little bit better about being like this sometimes.

    Still feels icky for CD1 to poof though at this time…

    Its hard not to feel blaming and make it someone’s fault… like his, or mine…

    And yet some men are just different.

    Like my brother. He doesn’t like it at all one bit when I cry either.

    And he is with a woman who is very controlled, and logical…

    And I know I would suffocate in a relationship like that where I could not express my emotions.

    But some men just can’t handle it.

    And I don’t blame them… they are only men after all… and they are so far stuck in their logical minds, away from all these emotions.

    And that’s ok.

    However when a man sticks with me for a while he will discover that all is well.

    I/we can have our emotions, and it is still safe.

    I can cry, things can feel like cr8p, and it won’t be his fault, or mine.

    I won’t make him wrong.

    It is safe.

    And he may get scared sometimes but when he gets over that he will feel drawn to me.

    Because, oh look, what’s going on here? She was crying the other day… she was so upset, and now she is ok?

    But she didn’t blame me?

    Huh, this is weird. A mysterious creature who can feel her emotions and still be ok?

    He will feel drawn to me because I can connect him to the very part of him he is so disconnected from.

    Cus he is a man.

    And I am a woman.

    I am a Siren.

    Let them come and go like rivers.

    And just let me be me.

    Deep and negative emotions too, and all.

    I love it all.

    I am woman.



  108.  #108Ella on October 21, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Mel right there with ya honni!

    SLV – I think you should open an online earring shop for Sirens! 😉



  109.  #109Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 9:23 am

    @104: Mel says:
    “… I’d like a couple pair of funky earrings.
    I have an awesome amber bee pendant… but perhaps I can find some bee earrings too!”

    Yeah, get some funky ones. They are fun and sometimes make good conversation starters for guys too (wink, wink)

    The amber pendant sounds pretty. Mine are strictly street vendor fare but kind of pretty too…the wings are sparkly pave and the body of the bee (or maybe it’s a fly… hahaha) is a faux amethyst stone. I like them!

    xoxo



  110.  #110Ella on October 21, 2011 at 9:24 am

    I am a juicy, sexy, feeling, beautiful woman…

    And I love it.

    All of it, even the icky parts.

    Imagine having that capacity to feel so deeply!

    I am an earth mother with tides and ebbs and flows.

    Owww, feels good.

    And I like pretty things, like dresses, and doing my nails and earrings.

    And I am an exotic Zumba Teacher and any other number of things.

    I am a woman.

    I am a woman.

    Let em come, let em go… I am still me.

    I am a mess sometimes, I can be dramatic, I can fall apart -so sue me!

    Lol.

    Its all good.

    And I am still a woman.

    Who you can’t have until you prove yourself!

    Until you earn me!

    Thanks for showing me who you are early on.

    Thanks for doing your best for me.

    I love that.

    Now I am going to go and dance my big heart out at Zumba.



  111.  #111Femininewoman on October 21, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Mel info from several coaches suggest that most men are not ready for relationships because they are hardwired to believe that commitment is not in their best interest. Also to have a relationship we have to be prepared to help them figure out what we want in the relationship.

    Johnathan Aslay has info about where to find men.
    http://understandmennow.com/35-places-to-meet-great-men



  112.  #112T-Girl on October 21, 2011 at 9:33 am

    Mel – I highly suggest meetup.com

    Though I didn’t intentionally sign up to meet men, my intention was to get myself out of the house when my daughter was with her dad for the weekend, the benefit was that I met my guy at a social function (while I was on a date with someone from online lol)

    There are meetup groups for any kind of hobby imaginable. Dance lessons, book clubs, foodies, singles – you name it.



  113.  #113Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 9:39 am

    @108: Ella says:says:
    “…SLV – I think you should open an online earring shop for Sirens! …”

    Something sireny. That’s an idea. I’ll think about that! I’ll have to market research it a bit. Are you selling things on your website? If not you could start with Amazon.

    😀
    xoxo



  114.  #114Susan on October 21, 2011 at 9:41 am

    RE: 106: Mel says:

    “Ladies… I’m looking for ideas to meet men NOT online.”

    Events and Adventures and Meetup.com

    Neither are specifically for dating. Both allow events where people can just go and do something fun and maybe meet someone in the process.



  115.  #115Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 9:54 am

    @111 FW says:
    “…Johnathan Aslay has info about where to find men.
    http://understandmennow.com/35-places-to-meet-great-men ..”

    Thanks. I’ll take a look. The idea of it is … yummy!

    xoxo



  116.  #116Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 9:55 am

    Mel,

    RE: #106 – Check out Jonathon Aslay’s list of places to meet men! It’s free when you sign up for his newsletter. His site is Understand Men Now!



  117.  #117Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 9:55 am

    Is “Events and Adventures” an organization? Is there a web site? Thanks.



  118.  #118Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Mel, P.S.

    My favorite place to meet men is church and retreats!



  119.  #119Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 10:06 am

    @116: Esteemed says:

    I signed up with the link you gave me. There is audio file of recorded teleconference call. I hope to pull that up later.

    xoxo



  120.  #120Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Dudettes,

    I feel heavy hearted at the works written to Jim in the last thread. There IS no men’s blog for him to go to like this! I feel weird speaking for him, and maybe I am acting like the blog den mother, but he is hurting, TOO, just like we are! He doesn’t need another door slammed in his face! I know him personally, and he means us no harm. He is his unique self, but he is on here for the same reasons we are.

    This man is amazing! He is so full of love, and he doesn’t need to be judged any more than any of the Sirens do. What if he came on here under disguise as “Jamie” or what-have-you? If you thought he were a woman, would you give compassion then?

    I feel disappointed in how he was uninvited. He is my friend. I love him and trust him.

    Sincerely, Esteemed



  121.  #122Susan on October 21, 2011 at 10:26 am

    120: Esteemed:

    I tried to talk to him… to open a conversation with him and he took offense. I’m not likely to try again.



  122.  #123Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Susan,

    Rori has said in the past that how we, as Sirens, interact on the blog is how we will interact with the man who we love.

    I never said Jimmy was perfect, and I’m sure he wouldn’t claim perfection, either. Maybe he’s been hurt, too. Maybe he is operating out of past hurts, too, like we do.

    Maybe we all need unfailing, unconditional, stubborn, accepting love.



  123.  #124Starla on October 21, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Esteemed, all I said was I felt uncomfortable with him giving non-rori advice on here, so he proceeded to say we all made him question his faith in woman.

    So with all due respect, f*ck that guy;) I’m glad he left. Because I don’t “do” that sort of drama anymore, and I feel glad when people who are always on the hunt for it kindly and quietly excuse themselves.



  124.  #125Daria on October 21, 2011 at 10:42 am

    Selling stuff on amazon feels like another layer of reassurance that this is possible. Thank you.

    Wow I just had an idea of how Guywho could always get me turned on … He must have been putting his attention (and energy) in his pelvis (or at least consciously aware of his body/energy)

    When my attention is in my pelvis and keepin it expanded sideways, relaxed, and me being ‘rooted’ to the earth – what I practiced all day yesterday – what
    I say comes out different (I choose different words … And especially a lot of hmms, mms) especially with a different
    tone that rreay seems to keep people attracted and feeling comfortable around me.

    Even the way I walk is different. Slower deeper.

    So cool.

    It’s like secret bodylanguage magic.



  125.  #126Femininewoman on October 21, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Esteemed I feel sorry to hear about the situation with Jim. I have to go back and read the interaction. I tend not to go back to the previous when a new article is up.



  126.  #127Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Starla,

    RE: #124 – I feel sad reading your post.

    Like I said, ALL of us have scars…not JUST women.

    And, ALL of us need unconditional, unfailing, stubborn, accepting love.



  127.  #128Femininewoman on October 21, 2011 at 10:52 am

    I actually liked Jim’s comment. It reminded me of Phyliis Chase’s comment in the interview with Rori about not knowing what you don’t know and accepting what you don’t know.



  128.  #129Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Here are the lyrics to a song by Larry Norman, my all-time favorite music artist:

    Without Love

    You can be a righteous rocker, or a holy roller
    You could be most anything,
    You could be a Leon Russell, or a super muscle,
    You could be a corporate king,
    You could be a wealthy man from Texas, or a witch with heavy hexes,
    But without love, you ain’t nothing without love
    Without love you ain’t nothing, without love.

    You could be a brilliant surgeon, or a sweet young virgin,
    or a harlot out to sell,
    You could learn to play the blues, or be Howard Hughes
    or the scarlet pimpernel,
    Or you could be a French provincial midwife,
    or go from door to door with a death-knife,
    But without love you ain’t nothing, without love,
    Without love you ain’t nothing, without love.

    You could be a woman feeler, or a baby stealer,
    you could drink your life away,
    Or you could be a holy prophet, get a blessing off it,
    Or you could fast for fifty days,
    You could shake hands with the devil, or give your life to God on the level,
    But without love you ain’t nothing, without love,
    Without love you ain’t nothing, without love



  129.  #130Starla on October 21, 2011 at 10:57 am

    No Esteemed, I’m sorry you feel sad, but I’m not going to give some strange man on a blog who is giving non-rori (in my opinion DAMAGING) the kind of attention i think you’re talking about. I show my love to him by calmly pointing out that i feel uncomfortable with the advice…and i continue to show my love by not getting baited into the drama by responding to his nasty comment about him having no faith in women because of us.

    He can be a misogynist elsewhere. I’m not going to beg him to stay. He could apologize, though:P

    Esteemed, I feel concerned for you. It’s like…this was a guy trying to get all toxic on us, and you want to defend him and hold him tight. I didn’t tell him to get lost…I just said I feel uncomfortable…

    And likewise I’m not going to beg someone to stay when he says I make him lose faith in women. He is just triggered.



  130.  #131Daria on October 21, 2011 at 11:01 am

    I met my date for lunch yesterday. He sounded like ‘a creep’ on the phone, but not quite scary.

    Well in person it turned out he was just shy.

    He looked like James Bond. Like for real. I was like wow.

    It triggered all my insecurities, him in socks and a collared shirt, me in flip-flops and a backpack and a crustal on my tooth.

    He’s a clothes designer, not a gay one, he’s Turkish from Italy amd he had an expensive watch. Or at least a ‘grown people’ watch which I guess I don’t consider myself.

    So I kinda seemed to be keeping the combo going at first, but I also Was curious. I consciously had to do a lot of silence and also ‘express not impress’ questions to myself and mantra. And throughout ‘keeping rooted… Pelvis relaxed’

    Well I was thinking he won’t like me and kinda almost apologizing that I didn’t share his taste – like that I embraced dressing casual (tho I understood how in other places people dress up more ). And I felt embarrassed.

    And unworthy.

    Like I always do around ‘proper, conservative’ people/guys.

    I feel like theyre ‘like’ my parents and will be judging me and how unworthy I am. Like I think my parents would like him (and not me).

    So this was healing cuz it was great practice to get
    comfortable around a guy like that (my version of outta my league)

    now my power is growing!

    And, he musta liked me – I felt more secure after – cuz he kissed me in the car. A Lot! He was a pretty good kisser.

    Then I asked for a ride downtown and I felt all tense and unworthy. That was more healed tho, pretty relaxed.

    Soooo…. Surprising for a guy I thought was gonna be an insecure needy creep.

    He even told me he Liked my tooth crystal when I kept being insecure about it (I told him jokingly I looked like a pirate with it. And it wasn’t the first time I mentioned it.)

    Aww that made me feel good.

    He says he was shy a lot. I said I felt nervous first. He was saying oh wow me too what are we gonna do. Hehe.

    I liked it.



  131.  #132Starla on October 21, 2011 at 11:02 am

    *non-rori advice

    sorry:)



  132.  #133Starla on October 21, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Daria, are you selling stuff on Amazon? Did i miss something?



  133.  #134Susan on October 21, 2011 at 11:06 am

    RE: 123: Esteemed says:

    Susan,

    “Maybe we all need unfailing, unconditional, stubborn, accepting love.”

    Maybe. But we are here for a specific kind of help that we need. We aren’t here to provide the specific kind of help he needs.

    If he needs unfailing, unconditional, stubborn, accepting love, perhaps church might be a good place for him to seek help?



  134.  #135Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 11:11 am

    @120: Esteemed says:
    “…I feel heavy hearted at the works written to Jim in the last thread.
    …This man is amazing! He is so full of love…
    …I feel disappointed in how he was uninvited. He is my friend. I love him and trust him….”

    Was he “uninvited?” I’ll go back and take a look at that thread.

    I appreciate your loyalty to a friend; however, I’m curious, what do you find “amazing” about him? Apart from his liking women who fart in his face as he once stated?

    He’s been here before, mostly complaining and disagreeing about Rori’s ideas and ways of doing things. He didn’t offer too much about himself but set right in on “giving advice” to the women here.

    Did he tell you which men’s forums he’s tried? And why he chooses to come here instead? Is it a big secret? I don’t recall him ever posting that information here or little else about himself.

    Speaking of “heavy hearted”… I felt heavy hearted reading what he wrote. Did you read what he wrote? Depressing and criminal-minded IMHO but I didn’t say that. I decided that in order not to feel sick reading his posts, I’d step away from the blog for a while.

    Or maybe it’s good practice feeling badly as there are lots of men out there that we encounter that are even worse. I thought about that too. I just prefer to think that most men are decent. I was reminded not all are.

    xoxo



  135.  #136Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Starla,

    RE: #130 – You said, “I didn’t tell him to get lost…I just said I feel uncomfortable…”

    HUH?? Up above you said, “So with all due respect, f*ck that guy;) I’m glad he left.”

    Ummm, a little disparity, Your Honor!

    I feel almost nauseated hearing my words turned back on ME, as if I am toxic. You don’t KNOW him — I do. I feel sad when my friends are judged.

    Sometimes Rori’s tools of speaking in feeling messages are all-embraced until we get in a real life situation. Then her tools fly out the window, and I feel exasperated.



  136.  #137Tiffany on October 21, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Daria, that sounds like a really cute story. tehee!



  137.  #138Tiffany on October 21, 2011 at 11:14 am

    I wonder what it would be like if I could trust someone. Like really trust them. I don’t even think I know what that would feel like….



  138.  #139Emoticon on October 21, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Hey Sirens!!

    I have been so MIA. I miss the blog and was missing you all. How is everyone doing? So many comments so little time lol



  139.  #140Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 11:15 am

    SLV,

    RE: #135 – If I answered your questions, I’d be betraying Jim’s trust in me. If he chooses to answer them, that’s up to him.

    I don’t like to see my friends judged.



  140.  #141Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 11:19 am

    @121: Susan

    Thanks! I’ll check it out. I spent some time this week looking through Meet Up dot com, mostly looking for “girly” and general interest kinds of things. I
    noticed there are also speed dating and “get together” kind of events.

    xoxo



  141.  #142Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Susan,

    RE: #134 – I come here on Rori’s blog for unconditional, unfailing, stubborn, accepting love. Sometimes I find it and sometimes I don’t. I feel disappointed when I don’t, but I choose to take the meat and leave the bones.

    Today I almost feel shocked at the lack of it. I feel deeply disappointed. It’s hard for me to feel open and free here knowing the attitudes I sense being expressed here. Sometimes I wonder if anyone gets what Rori and her tools are all about, really.

    My perception of Rori is that she is out to change the world by approaching every big and little conflict with feeling messages. A gentle word can break a bone.



  142.  #143Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Jim,

    Hi, I feel sad to see you so misunderstood. I hope you don’t feel too bad…just keep in mind, Je$u$ was misunderstood, too…

    …and He was the only perfect person who ever lived!



  143.  #144ive no idea on October 21, 2011 at 11:35 am

    hi sirens hoping to get a little advice

    had a text from boyfriend earlier telling me he had done something for me, i text him back saying thankyou much appreciated and that i loved him

    didnt expect a reply back and didnt get one.

    just gave him a text asking for a phone number he had taken down for me. he text me back with the phone number , asked how i was and then said he loved me too.

    i dont feel too great about it. whats the point in repling ‘i love you too’ to a text i sent 7 hours ago?

    i know we all miss texts etc but its just made me feel like im completely irrelevent to him. like he cant even be bothered to read my texts. and i know its not because he hasnt had his phone with him or anything

    am i blowing this up out of proportion? i dont even want to reply to him



  144.  #145Femininewoman on October 21, 2011 at 11:50 am

    ive no idea

    It could have been a technical issue. I have gotten texts hours later and never was able to figure out what happened or why the delay. Also his phone could have been off being charged. Or he could have been busy. Men’ brains are such that they focus on one thing at a time. He might have just been being a guy.

    Also you don’t have to reply. Just bask in glow of his love and suck it all in.



  145.  #146Susan on October 21, 2011 at 11:56 am

    RE: 142: Esteemed says:

    “Susan,

    RE: #134 – I come here on Rori’s blog for unconditional, unfailing, stubborn, accepting love. Sometimes I find it and sometimes I don’t. I feel disappointed when I don’t, but I choose to take the meat and leave the bones.”

    I come here for help, tips and advice in regards to my relationship with men. I personally believe that unconditional love is something only god can provide.

    If Jim and I had met in person and I had asked him the same question and it he had given me the same upset answer, I would have wandered off in search of someone more pleasant with whom to interact. (I hate fighting and walking away is my standard response when someone is upset. I will talk to someone who disagrees with me but when I detect accusations, I vanish.)



  146.  #147Starla on October 21, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Esteemed, you took my “f8ck that guy” out of context, as we were talking about yeserday.

    And I never said you were toxic.

    I’m feeling confused..it’s like you’re insisting on drama here!



  147.  #148Starla on October 21, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Esteemed, if he’s your friend, why don’t you email him directly to tell him this? Instead of communicating with him on a forum he said he was leaving?

    Stop the drama.



  148.  #149ive no idea on October 21, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    femininewoman

    i dont feel confident thinking it was a technical error and still feel a bit too uptight to do any basking yet. its strange that i seem to go through phases of feeling sensitive, i go weeks feeling happy and confident and then without warning it changes to unconfident and overly sensitive, im not even sure what triggers it to happen

    thankyou for replying



  149.  #150Starla on October 21, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    I feel such an aversion to being baited into drama that i might be creating it by trying to avoid it. hmmm.

    sorry i tried telling you what to do, Esteemed. Sending you love!



  150.  #151Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    I’ve No Idea,

    RE: #144 – Rori talks about being an invitation. Maybe it felt yucky cuz you initiated the loving words. But the fact is he did respond with I love you! I would receive it with joy! I would say something like, “That feels good to hear!”

    Sometimes a man has a hard time expressing emotions. When we express them, then he feels safer. Maybe he needed the safeness of responding to another text unrelated. Or maybe he needed time to process your words, “I love you.”



  151.  #152Starla on October 21, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    144 ive no idea

    what about just focusing on the lovely fact that he took the time to reply to your text, especially since you felt so bad being left hanging? just reply with a smiley face, girl, and bask in that man’s love for you:)



  152.  #153Lucy on October 21, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    I don’t like it when a man asks me to do something for him (e.g., make dinner) … even when he asks nicely and not as a demand or expectation. It really turns me off. I wonder what that’s about…. Any insights anyone?



  153.  #154Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    Susan,

    RE: #146 – I appreciate your approach and your views. I can only speak for myself, and I have found a lot of healing in the warmth from this blog.



  154.  #155Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #147-148 – That feels bad to hear. I don’t like to be accused of starting drama, and I don’t like to be judged. I voiced my feelings on this blog because the conflict involved women on this blog.

    When I email Jim, we get along great. I don’t have any conflict with him. And when I do, it’s resolved quickly.



  155.  #156Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #150 – I receive that. I love you, too. I feel thankful we have this place to grow and heal together.



  156.  #157Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Lucy,

    RE: #153 – Hi there! I don’t like it when a man asks me to do something like that, either. I like to give to a man, but I don’t like it when he expects it. Then I feel resistant and taken for granted. Sumthin like that. Does that resonate with you?



  157.  #158ive no idea on October 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    i replied with both – thats good to hear and the smiley face

    lol

    feel a bit better thanks for advice



  158.  #159Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    @131: Daria says:
    “…And unworthy….”

    Oh, pooh (I hope you don’t mind me saying pooh 😛 )

    That guy was probably very excited to be with a daring girl like you. Betcha! Feel good!

    😀

    xoxo



  159.  #160Daria on October 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    Oh my guy friend at 4 flaked. He never called. I planned for the possibility and was busy setting up to meet my girlfriend. I noticed a few times he wasn’t calling … Kept working on keeping my pelvis relaxed. I didn’t get into ‘waiting’ and didn’t feel dissapointed!

    It got challenging not to reach out to men later…
    I was around my gf and there was intense sexual energy vibe that I’ve noticed around another gf before, it’s like ‘craving sex’

    I was like hmm… I don’t usually feel that way so was maybe picking it up from her

    She was calling guys and I didn’t.

    Tho a few tines I wanted to reach out ‘to do something more exciting’. Which was the -trap – behavior I was doing before I left for Romania . And I noticed I didn’t feel powerful, and even judging that chilling how we were ‘is not enough’ didn’t feel good.

    And she called over a guy I date who is that cd whose house I went to a lot and he likes me but I felt stalled.

    Well her friend and neighbor I guess also dated or dates him and ‘she’s in love with him’

    Now I have a pretty strong dating connection with this guy, so it’s not really something I would feel comfortable with .

    And so instead of ‘excitedly asking/or thinking about him coming over, to see him attracted to me in from of her or seeing what would happen’ … Instead I noticed I wouldn’t have felt good and don’t feel good competing and wouldn’t want to pit myself in that position!

    So he psychically picked up on it.

    She said, I’m with my friend… But when I then refused to speak to him… I think he Knew it was me and from my behavior and psychic energy could tell that I was raking care of me and wouldn’t feel good w him showing up and … He didn’t want to lose me

    So he didn’t come Ha!

    I told her that if he comes I will leave cuz I don’t feel comfortable. He was Smsrt for not coming! I feel impressed!

    And in the past I would be the one playing it cool checking to see who he paid more attention to… And not paying attention to my own uncomfortability.

    I feel so moved at how differently I handled this, even in my mind! I don’t Have to act cool or compete to ‘prove’ I’m so awesome!

    I’m even awesome for not putting myself in an uncomfortable situation… Big caring what anyone else thinks but caring for Me!



  160.  #161ive no idea on October 21, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    lucy

    do you ever ask your man to do things for you?

    how does he respond to that?



  161.  #162Daria on October 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Slv – right on, thank you! I think a few more dates with these ‘conservative guys’ and I’ll heal my ‘unworthy’ belief and fears about it! Which will rock!

    In other areas of my life especially!



  162.  #163Daria on October 21, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    He was very excited to be with a Daring girl like me!

    Pooh!

    I’m taking this mantra and belief instead.

    Pooh! He’s very excited to be with a daring girl like me! Ha! I’m doing him a favor, poor dear! Lol !



  163.  #164Daria on October 21, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I’m all that!



  164.  #165Ella on October 21, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    I am noticing how when it is a guy who I am not bothered about a whole week can go by without him calling me and I won’t even bat an eyelid.

    And when he does call again I’ll be perfectly normal with him… cus I didn’t notice he was gone!

    Also I have no issues whatsoever asking these guys for help with stuff, if I need help I ask for it.

    Hmmm, it would feel great to be like this with ALL men.

    Now there’s a thought!



  165.  #166Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    @140: Esteemed

    OK. I accept perhaps he has alternate personalities like Eve and Sybil. I’m only mentioning the one(s?) I’ve encountered. I agree with Rori about “becoming bored” with a man’s behaviour. I’m feeling too bored at the moment to go back and look at the other thread. Maybe I will when my interests list is running low.

    I love my judgments. Always working to improve them.

    xoxo



  166.  #167Susan on October 21, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Through meetup.com, I found one group that taught me how to sail a boat and another group that taught me how to play darts. I didn’t meet a special man at either, but I had a lot of fun and my attending these classes increased my level of difficulty with Sweet Man. 🙂



  167.  #168Violet on October 21, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    I use to obsess about why I am single, but stopped asking myself (and others) that question.

    The best thing I EVER did was to embrace who I am and make each day count. 😀

    ~ Violet ~



  168.  #169Daria on October 21, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Lucy – i found when I don’t like it… I say no. From a deep quiet place (my relaxed pelvis)

    I say no to him. (And that’s it. Not why. It sounds like : ‘hmm…no…I don’t want to’ I’m saying it while I’m internally asking my being if it wants to do it.)

    Figuring out why I don’t feel good comes later after I’m in the consistent habit of expressing my no

    And feeling like I want to say yes comes easier too

    Hope this helps I know it doesn’t seem directly answering on the same level the question was posed… And shifting the level is what helps me here



  169.  #170Daria on October 21, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Ella I like that thought!



  170.  #171Daria on October 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Oh yeah the expanded pelvis first is the key. Otherwise it doesn’t feel deep it just feels like I’m chattering no and that doesn’t feel as fulfilling



  171.  #172Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    @144: ive no idea says:
    “..i dont even want to reply to him…”

    Something sweet maybe, a smiley face. Just me but I’d like it whenever a guy i really, really liked, told me that. Whenever it came would be the right time. Gosh, don’t punish him for saying he “loves you” however it happens!
    😀

    xoxo



  172.  #173Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    @158: ive no idea says:

    oops, I see you’ve already responded. I’m a little behind catching up on posts, trying to read and write at the same time.

    xoxo



  173.  #174Daria on October 21, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    I told my girl several times ‘I don’t call guys’

    I kept talking to her about men I had feelings for… When that sexual energy was around

    Lol

    And she was like ‘call him!’. And I’m like no. Icky face, noo… Nah I dont want to. I don’t call men.

    And I said it several times and at one point she was like “you don’t call men huh”

    Lol!

    Like it sank in.

    And it was so cool,I was really not calling men, even ones in the neighborhood. And I noticed even wondering what would be like – (more fun) – if they were there didn’t feel good.

    I didn’t even ask Her to call men!

    In the past when I got around gfs I felt compelled to call men.

    What felt good was not judging the night as ‘not fun’ cuz there weren’t men. It actually felt relaxing! And nice and cozy!

    When I would get a hit of that sexual energy it felt uncomfortable in my body… And keeping my pelvis smooth and expanded helped me just feel the energy above that without jumping out my body to do something (like call text a guy or daydream about their presence and how I and my life suck for them not being present)

    So cool.

    I am so different!

    I’m really keeping my thing about not calling men and going on dates, with set times!

    Wow me!

    Also not really calling men back unless it’s a time that feels free and they have asked…

    Not calling them just cuz their number showed up in my phone, or cuz the texted ‘you still awake’ The night before.



  174.  #175Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    @167: Susan says:
    “Through meetup.com, I found one group that taught me how to sail a boat and another group that taught me how to play darts. I didn’t meet a special man at either, but I had a lot of fun and my attending these classes increased my level of difficulty with Sweet Man.”

    Cool. There are a few activities I used to do that I’d like to revisit. I also think being happy with ourselves is a good way to be when meeting men.

    xoxo



  175.  #176Lucy on October 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    Thanks for your responses ladies! I love this blog. 🙂 Esteemed, it doesn’t feel like being taken for granted or even like an expectation… but “resistant” is a good word to describe how I feel – thx. Daria – I like your ideas. In this case he asked if I would do it “sometime,” not right now, so I’m thinking “maybe” rather than “no” as a response since I might want to at some time in future…? (Probably will want to some time if he does NOT ask me.) What do you think?



  176.  #177ive no idea on October 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    senior lady vibe

    thanks for reply

    yes i replied, felt better for it but also a bit pushy(not sure why) trying not to think about him any more tonight 🙂



  177.  #178Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #166 – I believe that deep down inside, every person wants to feel loved and accepted. As we go through life, we are hurt in many ways by many people. So we instinctively put up walls. Those walls take the shape of defense, anger, sarcasm, humor, apathy, fear, depression, overeating, alcoholism, drug abuse, coldness, busyness, and the list could go on and on.

    My world view and image of people is that healing and growth is the process of becoming aware of those walls and steadily breaking them down.

    Right now I see a lot of walls, both in Jim and in you.

    I love you and accept you anyway.



  178.  #179Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #166 – I believe that deep down inside, every person wants to feel loved and accepted. As we go through life, we are hurt in many ways by many people. So we instinctively put up walls. Those walls take the shape of defense, anger, sarcasm, humor, apathy, fear, depression, coldness, busyness, and the list could go on and on.

    My world view and image of people is that healing and growth is the process of becoming aware of those walls and steadily breaking them down.

    Right now I see a lot of walls, both in Jim and in you.

    I love you and accept you anyway.



  179.  #180Ella on October 21, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    Hmmm, I feel embarressed about my blog on my website. I might delete some of the posts.

    They feel too personal, esp as often the men I date read there…

    For example I know CD1 had a good snoop around the site.

    I feel really exposed.

    Sirens do you think I should delete them?

    I like blogging about personal stuff but maybe I need a separate blog??

    Any thoughts Sirens?



  180.  #181Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    @133: Starla says:
    “…Daria, are you selling stuff on Amazon? Did i miss something?…”

    Possibilities. There are many. I think Daria is in California with that new state tax law going on but also thinking Amazon will keep affiliates there and not ditch them as was done to South Carolina affiliates. Haven’t checked lately.

    Anyway, there’s always Google Affiliate Network… and Google owns Blogger so don’t see a problem with blogspot which is why I recommend that instead of other “free” platforms if one doesn’t self host.

    http://www.google.com/support/affiliatenetwork/

    Best wishes to all sirens.

    xoxo



  181.  #182Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #169 – Your comment about saying no helps me, thanks! When I “dare” to do that with K, I typically get something like this, “Oh, stop it with the bull$hit! Why are you so self-centered? How come you never care about MY feelings? Here we go again!”

    In one form or another, he typically gets angry when I say no. How would you respond to anger upon saying no?



  182.  #183Daria on October 21, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Ive no idea – I agree with the ladies (I would send an appreciating response even if I was having ‘it’s not enough’ thoughts about it)

    I can say thank you And be disappointed. I want to appreciate any little thing.

    Why not?

    And here’s the answer: because! I’m already mad at him! He does/did/didn’t/never/always… Fill in the blank

    And thats all thoughts, and that’s the ball of tangles keeping
    me tense And feeling stuck and trapped and not happy

    And what’s really under that is anger.

    And fear, and grief.

    And under that is a whole lot of healing. The Gem in that Garbage. And Rori says there always is. So do I.

    start by noticing yourself going there in your mind.

    That’s what you did now, when u asked about this. You noticed. And you did something different. You are already healing now.

    Then go to feelings. In your body. I can help you riff – to practice finding them if you want. And you can read about it in the Power and Self esteem, the oldest articles by date in that section… On the right of the blog.

    Then express the feeling.

    I feel angry. Try it to yourself, scream I feel angry! In the car with the windows up.

    It helps. It helps to connect the relationship, even tho it’s not reaching to him, doing something affecting Him.

    It affects You, and that’s all you need. That’s plenty.

    You can say to him I feel angry. I felt upset if there a situation in the past you felt upset.

    You can say Both Thank you I appreciate that, And I still feel angry! Yes!

    And you can say here …

    Thank you, and this feels do uncomfortable.. And… The truth is I feel all disconnecte and lonely. I even felt insecure and angry getting ‘I love you’ in thus text, instead of right away… I don’t want to be like this… In feeling insecure, I’m feeling lonely, afraid. What do you think we can do baby?

    And let him help you



  183.  #184Ella on October 21, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Daria,

    Your sharing is really helping me tonight!



  184.  #185Daria on October 21, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    And if he blames you and gets defensive over the text, you can say

    You’re right…. I feel guilty and weird feeling that way 🙁 I don’t want to feel like that. I’m feeling insecure…

    And if he says yeah you’re being ridiculous

    Say

    Yeah I know. This feels so bad. I feel all alone here. :(. I don’t want to feel this way baby

    He might come forward then, and you can receive

    He might still have his guard up and say ‘that’s your issue’

    And I’d say…

    ‘wow this is feeling bad… I’m feeling angry ‘

    And then it might turn into his anger feeling free to cone out and be vented… And that’s great! Because once it cones out fully and is heard (no tolerating stuff that feels bad, you can say thank you, and this feels too intense now, I’m gonna go take some time alone)

    It will heal the relationship.

    <3. &.



  185.  #186Femininewoman on October 21, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Esteemed I so appreciate where you are coming from on this issue because I have felt the same way in the past about some other male posters who were seemingly “unwelcomed”. However, I would also like to act as a mirror for you to see yourself, if you would allow me, in this situation and possibly a pattern that might need healing?

    1. Are you feeling responsible for his feelings?
    2. Do you feel like defending him?
    3. Can you allow him to take responsiblity for his feelings?

    I have also learned that all opinions are valid and looking for a third way that accommodates the differences might be the best way to go.



  186.  #187Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    Ella,

    RE: #180-If it were me, I’d have a separate blog. I relate different ways to different people. This is also one of the major issues I have on facebook, and why I don’t use my real name there. I am surprised at how many people do, when there is so much crime on the internet these days.

    But if I want to talk sex to my girlfriends (or guy friends! :-), I don’t want my niece or my uncle reading it! So I feel myself shutting down around FB more and more.

    The internet is an extremely powerful tool, scary powerful. I don’t think we should take its power too lightly. I feel vulnerable here, too. But so far I haven’t felt compelled to stop.



  187.  #188ive no idea on October 21, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    daria

    wow

    a lot for me to take in, its going to take a few reads through, i think id feel too scared to be that open and honest

    very insightful



  188.  #189Ella on October 21, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Watching Derren Brown and feeling a lil weirded out and afraid as it is showing how much we are affected by the power of suggestion.

    That makes me feel afraid.

    How much stuff are we bombarded with each day, am I really in control of my life?

    Well I know I am not.

    I know I am very susceptible to suggestion, because I am open minded and not set in my ways.

    And that feels scary.

    Who else can influence me and are they for my good?

    However the best thing I can do is stay in touch with my feelings.

    I do sometimes feel doubtful about all the Rori stuff.

    Hmmm, I feel afraid saying that too.

    Oww, Derren Brown has just said how the most susceptible people are the ones who can disassociate from their feelings.

    I went to a thing once where the religio8s person made me fall over… and I did fall over… (was healed apparently) although I didn’t believe in it. I felt suprised that I fell over.

    And I have felt weird about it ever since… like I am not really in control of my own life, or more to the point my own self.

    However maybe I can get closer to that the more I learn to tune into my feelings and learn to say NO and stand up for myself when something feels off



  189.  #190Ella on October 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    I feel really insecure about my website.

    Like the articles I wrote about my dating will just have put men off.

    I wonder if Rori ever feels like this?

    When she talks about her previous bad relationships and stuff?

    Cus I feel silly.

    Like people will read that and think I am a loser.

    Hmmm,



  190.  #191Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    @178: Esteemed says:
    “…Right now I see a lot of walls, both in Jim and in you…”

    Baloney. You are back to the manipulative behaviour of “seeing things” … and then “accepting people in spite” of the things which you claim to see.
    ROFL 😆

    No thanks.



  191.  #192Daria on October 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    Esteemed – this last comment I made is about that situation

    Try opening your pelvis,
    Slowling down your speaking rhythm.

    Stand there and do not answer quietly for several seconds. Then – instead of what we usually do when we don’t immediately defend a comment that triggers us, which is get all tense and stiff – Remain expanded in your pelvis.

    Express in a sound, slowly, let your body and pelvis say it.

    Like ‘ohhhh’.

    Let your face and body feel the sensation. Maybe your head will dip softly to the left, and your face will take on a soft sad expression.

    Then say what you feel, slowly – really being curious and attentive to what this gentle loving being that you’re noticing – You! – is feeling.

    It might be

    ‘I’m feeling bad’. 🙁

    It might be something totally different! Maybe by now, after this quiet process that takes more than a few seconds, you’re feeling amused (then let yourself giggle)

    Or angry!

    Keep the pauses, be attentive to the long spaces of time between him speaking amd you speaking (you dont habe to speak at all! You can keep noticing youdelf, keep being in the pelvis… That is a response… He will speak again)

    Remember the Flypaper covered w sand and rose petals, the soft beach in the trees.

    If you’re feeling you, feeling into your body, he will be attracts to that quiet slow space. He will hear it your breathing, in your tone when you say ‘mmm’ and that’s plenty most times. It’s like making love. If he’s rough, we say stop. We say oh :(. Ouch. We don’t need to say more

    It starts with opening the pelvis and going in there before any single word. Before we check our head for words, check the pelvis,’ mmm’ And ‘ohh’ around in there. Many times that’s all you need to say to express what you’re feeling.



  192.  #193Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Feminine Woman,

    RE: #186 – 1. Are you feeling responsible for his feelings?

    No, but I feel bad when I see someone being treated coldly.

    2. Do you feel like defending him?

    Yes, what is wrong with that?

    3. Can you allow him to take responsiblity for his feelings?

    I can, but I don’t want to. Maybe I like grinding this axe! I have a tendency to stick up for people.

    “I have also learned that all opinions are valid and looking for a third way that accommodates the differences might be the best way to go.”

    What would be a way to accommodate all the differences?



  193.  #194Daria on October 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    I’ve no idea – being with a deep expanded pelvis feels very powerful yet gentle, like being the ocean

    I say start there, start noticing what it feels like to expand there, be attentive… not speak, that will help with a lot of the fear when you do choose to speak



  194.  #195Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #191 – I feel yucky reading that. It would feel so much better to be referred to as a bridge builder.



  195.  #196Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    @Ella
    “…I like blogging about personal stuff but maybe I need a separate blog??…”

    Yep, separate blog.

    Deja vu. Didn’t I already say this? You usually ignore me but I’m pretty consistent… so there it is again.
    😆

    And while we’re at it. Get that FB fan page! for your Zumba. And IMHO do NOT make it generic, stick your name on it for the title AND the URL like “Zumba with Ella” not just “zumba something” by itself. And link by to your blog and promote it.

    I’m know I’m forecasting here but I would not like FB to take it away from you. FB is making a lot of changes and I fear this is more and more coming down the road… Please, please personalize your “pages.”

    You heard it here.

    xoxo



  196.  #197Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Uh-oh, Sweetie is going to be “on my case” for spending time on this blog.

    farewell…

    😀
    xoxo



  197.  #198Ella on October 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Ok, I have just deleted the 2 posts that made me feel uncomfortable.

    I am ok with everything else I have written on the website.

    Still think any man with half a brain could follow the link to Rori’s site from my site and then find me here… but hopefully they are not as interested in relationships as we are and would get bored before reading all my comments here!

    Maybe I am thinking too deeply… hopefully it will never be an issue.

    Although tbh I am quite convinced at least one of them men I have dated was (if not still is) reading here.

    Oh well… if they are that interested!!



  198.  #199Tiffany on October 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Interesting. Makes you think about the words you use to talk to/about yourself…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTz-cYk9Wu4&feature=related



  199.  #200Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Daria!

    RE: #192 – WOW! That is breathtakingly beautiful! Thank you!!!! That is THE best answer I’ve EVER gotten on how to respond to anger (and deal with my own anger!). Perfect!

    Thanks again! That is SO helpful!



  200.  #201Ella on October 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    SLV yes you already said it.

    I don’t ignore you at all.

    Actually I listen to you a lot of the time.

    And I am just one of those people who has to ‘feel’ it for myself before I will listen…

    I am working on that.

    And sometimes I do still need to give things time to see how they ait with me before taking people’s advice.

    It does go in…

    Hmm, I am feeling defensive.

    I will re-read the other stuff you have said to me about FB and something else you said in a comment to me earlier too.

    Thank you.



  201.  #202Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    SLV,

    Is everything all right? You seem upset today, not your usual jovial self.



  202.  #203Esteemed on October 21, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    I am heading off for an overly-packed weekend..hehe…no pun intended! I’m packed all right! Going to do more moving and more fun get-togethers with my friends!



  203.  #204Ella on October 21, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    Re 195

    I don’t really understand all of that post but I will personalise my Zumba page… as soon as I have made it.

    I will get to it sooner rather than later.

    And I am not going to bother with a separate blog… however I am only going to blog about things on my site that I am comfortable with everyone reading…

    Save the personal stuff for here.



  204.  #205Ella on October 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Errrm Sirens,

    Do you think that the men I am CD-ing, in reading about my dating life, including some icky stuff about previous toxic relationships and NVs sometimes causing a lack of confidence, do you think this would put them off me??

    I am just curious and a lil insecure about it cus it feels so personal.



  205.  #206Femininewoman on October 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Esteemed “Yes, what is wrong with that?”

    Nothing. Just wondering if it is a deeply ingrained response based on some experience from way back when that might not have been explored/processed yet. It is obviously that strength. And we all know that our strengths can be our greatest weaknesses also.



  206.  #207Femininewoman on October 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Ella I wouldn’t feel comfortable about it either but it is what it is and not sure how it could be changed if they have already read it. The key in my mind would be that if questioned about it your response would allow them to see that you totally accept yourself.



  207.  #208Daria on October 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    I like the idea of Zumba with Ella!

    Instead of zumbainspiration.

    Although I like that too lol

    Zumbamagic

    Sounds personal to me kn a way well I named me magic goddess medicine woman



  208.  #209Daria on October 21, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Ella – no I don’t think so.

    I think what would put them off is leaning forward and not being authentic and vulnerable. The usual.



  209.  #210Ella on October 21, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Yes my site feels better now.

    I have an strong feeling that I f8ck up loads of perfectly good CD-ing relationships by showing my negative sides.

    Like you are alwasy supposed to project just your most confident happy self.

    Can’t seem to heal this.

    Like I would judge a man for blogging the way I do… if I read it… but then the men I date are not supposed to read this!!

    This is for me!!

    Grrr.



  210.  #211Ella on October 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Daria re 208.

    Hmmm, I don’t know.

    It doesn’t seem to be working like that for me.

    Being vulnerable and authentic is scaring men away.

    I feel like screaming and kicking things!



  211.  #212Femininewoman on October 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Ella “Being vulnerable and authentic is scaring men away” could become a limiting belief that keeps you stuck.



  212.  #213Tiffany on October 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    I’m going through an interesting process today. And this week I’ve had a challenging time dealing with my dad and the work I’m doing for him. But I can see myself getting so much better at handling difficult or disappointing situations. I’ve realized that I do need to look for more (and better) work, and i’m becoming committed to really taking care of myself and caring for my own needs. And if in the process my needs are met by outside forces, then that is wonderful, too.

    At one point, I found myself thinking about an old CD (V), who I am still sort of connected to (on FB, gchat, etc.), but whom I haven’t heard from in a very long time. I found myself again wanting to “express” something to him. Which then turned into me starting to “desire” something from him. And then I noticed that if I am starting to desire something from someone else, then it probably means that I need to give something to myself. I don’t know exactly what that was that I needed to give. But maybe just the attention was enough, because once I thought it about it, I felt better, and I lost the need to feel like I wanted to contact him.

    Also, the thought of doing it just felt totally weird and random.

    Plus, the knowledge that whoever wants me is going to come toward me just made so much sense and made me feel so good an relaxed, that I just started thinking about myself and what i truly want and need in this moment.

    I am going through some powerful stuff. Talking to my body in loving ways. Noticing how I am soft and lovely. And imagining how good and how beautiful it is going to feel when I finally meet the right person who is going to love me just for being who I am, and I am going to feel so safe and comfortable and MYSELF with him, that I can’t help but love him back, even when i’m feeling tired and cranky and unlovable. What a lovely thought.

    This is keeping me going….



  213.  #214Tiffany on October 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    I am also going through my mind and just thanking old lovers and CDs…maybe i will do it in writing, too 🙂



  214.  #215Daria on October 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Tiffany – wow@video

    I feel triggered it’s bringing up a familiar feeling like a line I would have read in a story… Then I feel hopeless and alone

    I want to heal this

    It’s like ‘but the grains of rice were the same in the ‘you fool’ and ‘thank you’ jars, mute and deaf. ‘

    I feel teary

    I believed this and it’s not true, even though I believed it and

    I give myself permission to shift that belief now.

    I give myself permission to heal Camus’ Stranger, to shift that belief formed when I understood the existentialist way of the universe being cold and unresponsive, mute , deaf,

    Like talking to ricks is hopeless

    I want to heal it all and I feel really overwhelmed now

    And crying

    And it fells so uncomfortable now

    And I don’t know what to call this

    Grief hearbrokenesd???

    Crying

    I am healing

    Feeling through this what I couldn’t handle younger. I can handle it

    Love to me

    Big love to me

    It’s ok to cry it’s ok to have snot

    But I don’t believe that! I’m a big girl and I Know the universe is cold and calculated , like my dad!

    I am smart to believe that and it will help me feel safe from danger.

    Thank you . And it’s ok to believe that too.

    And even though dad believed it or said he did. It’s not true. And I can be even closer to dad finding wisdom.

    No! I won’t! It will push me away from him if we are different.

    No it won’t! It will magically bring us closer when it’s wisdom.

    Watch!

    I love you!



  215.  #216Daria on October 21, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Manu I felt scared!

    Aw I love u!

    Trembling giggles

    Mire tears

    Mami mami I believed it! It felt so scary.

    Holding myself crying

    Feeling better

    Choosing new belief.. Wonderful loving friendly magical universe always thinking up things to delight me heal me support me and make mi life feel better

    Feels like home and family and love and divine and feels like me all flowy and moving



  216.  #217Ella on October 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    FW,

    I am just feeling so tired of being on my own.

    I mean I could go out… and I am choosing to stay in bc that is what my life needs right now.

    Its just since I have been trying Rori stuff no man has stuck to me… and this has never happened before.

    I am not saying its the Rori stuff that is causing it… maybe I am not grabbing on like I used to…

    But then that means all my previous relationships have only happened cus I grabbed on!!

    And it just feels like since I stopped pretending and started showing all parts of me, ie: however I am feeling at the time, no men are wanting to be with me for long…

    That feels awful!

    🙁

    I feel lost.

    I mean I thought being real was supposed to draw people in not frighten them away?

    But then maybe some have been drawn in… but only the ones I have not wanted.

    But now I am open to all diff types of men, and still no-one is sticking.

    Just not sure I can handle all this running in and out of my life…

    Its soooo triggering.



  217.  #218Daria on October 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Ella – maybe it’s good these men are away.

    You are getting an awesome chance to practice caring for that part of yourself that feels terribly unhappy without men around. Who feels frustrated, insecure, not enough, like she has to make things happen and Get them to like her.

    She wants your attention, and she’s doing what she knows to get it.

    She may not know what she wants, but You do…

    She wants love. Love and acknowledgement and attention and love.

    And she Will be filled up. When she’s filled up. She just will. She’s just human after all, like a lil child who cries – I just did – and then feels better, and then plays.

    She got stuck here, but it won’t take much to get her unstucj.

    Just holding her whole she trembles and cries, telling her reassuring words until she feels comfortable to run to your arms, maybe even gifts, maybe brushing her hair, doing stuff for her, or quality time – taking her on a fun activity – 5 love languages

    These work.

    When offered and invited to love, humans will melt and eventually join. We all do. And I feel moved to tears again at such a beautiful innocent blessing in all of us.

    And not just us, animals, plants, even water and rice. Even rocks too then

    That is so perfect and happy end and the way it should be that I am crying crying crying.



  218.  #219Daria on October 21, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Ella – if a man ‘stuck’ you would be married now… There’s plenty of time for one to stick! It only takes one out of all those men! One could be getting ready to stuck, and you be married, in like the next three months!

    Are you ready? Doesn’t that feel scary?

    Isn’t it fun to relax and still learn what you want and experiment some first…

    Because on Will stick… Soon



  219.  #220alias girl lol on October 21, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    i did more false eyelashes today.

    this time it was easier and quicker. they look a littl better but still not really good.

    but still. yae. fun.



  220.  #221Mel on October 21, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Yay!

    After jumping through a million hoops, I finally managed to change my name back to its maiden form! I had it changed officially for a little while, but professionally there were some delays and red tape because it was imperative that my clients not get confused during the busy season.

    It was feeling really icky to sign stuff, answer the telephone, and email as my former self. I feel soooo elated and free right now. Like a huge weight has been taken from my shoulders. Wheeee! 🙂

    When architect asked about my day, I told him all this and how I felt amazing to be the new and improved Mel. He suggested that perhaps I am, in fact, the “Healed original Mel. No improvements necessary.” Awwww…. so sweet!

    No dates this Friday eve… so I picked up some yummy dinner, a little celebratory treat, and later will take myself shopping for my slutty Halloween costume and perhaps something nice for work (not so slutty) and a pair or two of earrings (thanks SLV!). Yay me! I feel really happy. 🙂



  221.  #222Ella on October 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Daria yes it feels fun experimenting and learning.

    Just honestly feel sick of all the mistakes I keep making and the ickiness that keeps coming up!

    Sick of sitting here feeling like cr8p and I’m sure you must all be bored of hearing about it by now.

    I’m just so angry and hurt the CD1 has poofed too…

    I mean how many more are going to poof?

    Well I suppose every single one until my husband…

    But I don’t think I am strong enough to deal with it.

    It just feels like heaping pain on pain…

    I mean I thought that I was supposed to be fighting off all the men who wanted my hand in marriage by now… not still dealing with poofers and flakeys!!!

    RRRRR

    I’m just pissed.



  222.  #223Tiffany on October 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Of course, there could be a simpler reason as to why I’m suddenly thinking of all my old lovers…it could be just that I am feeling incredibly horny right now!! lol 😀



  223.  #224alias girl lol on October 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    but the false lashes feel a little weird. it feels like there is something glued to my eyelid. lol.

    and these ones came out lopsided. because i glued one closer to the lash line than the other. i look a little lazy-eyed.

    the one closer to the lash line looks better.

    next time i do it, they will probably look REALLY good. i just bought some different ones to try yesterday.



  224.  #225Daria on October 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Omg I did the expanded pelvis thing and found myself going to the room my mom was in and without speaking laying down next to her and relaxing. It felt so loving and flowing . And I felt surprised to realize neither of us had spoken!

    So then after I decided to experiment. I expanded the pelvis and called my sister.

    Which in my head feels really uncomfortable. I feel tense in my tummy and compelled to chatter. And it feels bad and strained for me.

    Well this time I was mellow. She was mellow, and when I noticed my tone tightening I expanded pelvis.

    So our convo was like: I feel mellow, me too. I just woke up I feel sleepy. What you been doing nothing. What you been doing doing today she asked me! And she asks if I’m still tired since I was yesterday! Wow and I have been blocking myself from receiving this attention and love
    (did I feel I didn’t deserve it? Wow)

    I felt trembly to keep pelvis expanded and speak slow (instead of the usual chatting fast – tho she speaks slow)

    I’m feeling trembly and overcome right Now!

    My buttocks are tightening and so are my cheeks on my face.

    And underneath that is my flowing ocean pelvis, allowing it all to be felt.

    I felt so angry at my sister when she hit me. I wrapped it up like a rock and held it inside under my rib.

    Mmm

    I can heal it.

    My buttocks too were tight

    Wow I can feel this the extreme anger that I held tight

    Thank you Daria for allowing me to feel and heal this. And maybe fear too.

    Wow this feels intense ladies.

    It feels like the bones in my face

    Well now the pressure is coming up my nose and making tears in my eyes

    And I feel it down low near my tailbone too, I know that feeling

    I feel dizzy w the pressure in my skull

    This energy is moving slowly, I made the lava slow

    I felt scared of it wooshing out and me losing control of it



  225.  #226Ella on October 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    And can feel so strong and happy one minute and then so lonely and on my knees the next.

    And my self esteem is getting less tied in with men…

    And yet it still hurts me whenthey go…

    And I always feel (fear) as though they will not be back.

    A couple of times they haven’t… however failing that they have always been back.

    I don’t know how I am feeling right now.

    Lonely, frustrated, empty, annoyed.

    And I don’t know whether I am supposed to sit here feeling this stuff, whether that will heal it, or whether I should be going and sitting with a friend or my Mum or someone to alleviate it…

    I don’t know whether that is distracting from the stuff that needs healing or taking care of my needs?

    I feel so confused right now.

    Have been feeling like this ever since all the upheaval of realising my work is not going to plan. And then CD1 poofing, right after I had decided in myself to be open to him!

    Pffffft.

    And everytime that happens it feels a little bit like my step dad dying again.

    And I know that sounds dramatic and that is just the old feeling that gets stirred up.

    But its an old feeling.

    I feel really unsure of myself atm…

    I have no sense of if I am healing or getting worse!



  226.  #227Ella on October 21, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Lol,

    And tbh I don’t even know if anyone has poofed.

    My head makes up very scary stories, and really I know nothing.

    I feel insecure that CD1 probably read the stuff I wrote about how I am not confident sometimes.

    And the stuff about experimenting relating to men.

    I feel like such a novice…

    And so awkward, like a baby, when what I really want is to be all cool and sexy like a Hollywood Actress in a film.

    Feeling so uncomfortable in my skin again right now…

    And I know this too shall pass, quickly no doubt, as I am no longer fighting it.

    As I am able to be more real now.. and care less what people think… than before, when I used to need alcohol and stuff… to be comfortable.

    So maybe I am healing.



  227.  #228Ella on October 21, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Hmmm, I just thought about how I could never have sex with a new man without being drunk before…

    I think I could now.

    AND I could have a shower with a man… which feels quite intimate and would have felt scary before, however I would feel ok to do it now…

    Hmmm, that feels nice.

    🙂



  228.  #229Ella on October 21, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    CD1 CAN GO F9CK HIMSELF!

    RRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRR,

    Vampire SCREAM!

    WAAAHAHAHAHA.



  229.  #230Daria on October 21, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    and even though all we said was… i feel mellow, im feeling tired…

    i felt connected at the end. i enjoyed talking to her for the first time in a long time (except that one time i enjoyed it – from romania – first in years… i was so mellow from eft.. gave me a glimpse of what it used to feel like when i felt close with her)

    and i said ok call me later. and she said ok i will.

    and this was the first time i called her for no reason and two days in a row in a long time

    years

    and i feel moved and wowed that i now know how to connect



  230.  #231Ella on October 21, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Mel,

    You said that this no closure thing sucks.

    I agree!



  231.  #232Ella on October 21, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    I’m just being real…

    And then I feel mad when I think that people are not accepting me or rejecting me… cus this is the real me now!

    So it feels personal.

    I just want to scream at CD1 (or whoever I am feeling mad at at the time) WHY WHY WHY did you disappear?

    I feel so insecure about stuff sometimes, like how the heck can anyone be attracted to someone who admits to being not confident with men all the time…

    To someone who who gets NVs that makes her shrivel?

    To someone who reads relationship books and needs to support of a blog to deal with her relationships.

    And yet… what is wrong with any of that?

    And yet I just feel so exposed.

    Like it all feels so icky that it must put people off.



  232.  #233LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    87:

    I’m exactly at the same place you are SammieSighs. Feel sad.
    I even told him to move aside and leave the space free for the one who will really love me and want to be in a comitted relationship w me.

    He called me back 2 days later to invite me to his house for dinner, of course as usual on the spot, no planning ahead.
    He asked me to go to the gym w him. Why? I don’t know. The only time he’ll want time alone w me is a meak 2 or 3 hours at the most and he’ll call at the last minute when he’s got nothing else to do.
    I said no to dinner and did not answer to the gym invitation.

    I know 2 good long lasting comitted couples who met at the gym. So I’m keeping him out of my gym space for sure and keeping it for cd’ing.



  233.  #234Ella on October 21, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Feeling tight in my tummy.

    Feeling lean forward in my thoughts…

    Noticing a pattern.

    When a man I like poofs my mind starts trying to work out why… and makes up stuff.

    And obsesses about it.



  234.  #235Ella on October 21, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Feels so hard to let go of this pattern….

    Feeling it tight in my tummy.

    I love me.

    ALL of me.

    Even the awkward, unconfident bits.

    I am REAL.



  235.  #236Daria on October 21, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    i was eating and i noticed how it felt really challenging to stay in my expanded pelvis

    my energy felt ‘fast moving’ tingling and surging up through my torso, go go go

    and i suddenly got an inspiration that im eating chicken, and maybe this animal felt frightened before it died. and that the feeling is coming straight from the food!

    and then i felt the fear, and told the chicken it was ok and thank you, and its becoming part of me now and being healed

    and the go go go rush soothed



  236.  #237Ella on October 21, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    Hmmm,

    I feel better now.



  237.  #238Ella on October 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Men may need time to work out their own issues…

    And it is fine to give them the space to do this.

    And to be honest I may feel totally turned off by the time they get back!

    I actually feel better with men who come at me consistently…

    Hmmm, I don’t mean I need attention every minute, in fact that would feel overwhelming.

    However I want a man who stays in contact.

    Preferably each day… or at least every couple of days.

    No, in fact every day would feel good.

    And when he is not here it is ok because I know he loves me anyway.



  238.  #239Ella on October 21, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    And I know the waterwheel can help me feel this…

    And so am going to keep practising this.

    However I am beginning to feel bored of flaky men now.

    Its beginning to feel like a turn off.

    Like ‘yawn’ ok I know you are doing your best and yet it feels kinda lame really.

    In some ways.



  239.  #240Mel on October 21, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    230: “This no closure thing sucks.”

    Ella,

    Yes it does, my pretty. Yes it does!

    But…. what if we turned this around? I mean what if THEY are the ones thinking OMFG! I have real feelings for this girl! I SOOOOOO don’t deserve her! I’m so afraid that she will reject and hurt me that I’d better retreat into my man cave and think this over… psych myself up and get the confidence to ask her out again.

    Yes… that feels MUCH better doesn’t it? 😉



  240.  #241Ella on October 21, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    POF Guy

    ‘Baby I like you. Can I take you out?’

    Other POF guy ‘you are a sexy woman’

    Other POF guy ‘I was a fool not to meet you. Can I have another chance?’

    Me, ummmm, all this atention feels nice (basking in the attention.

    OK, so none of these guys have actually met me, but it still feels good.

    And I am now thinking back on the real life men who did come back.

    Oh, a couple didn’t.

    But the ones with a strong connection with always seemed to.

    And yet I STILL feel insecure about this!!

    Still feel like they won’t!

    I wonder why??!!

    With CD1, in my mind I think he represents a better class of men (although this may not be true as he has not proved himself yet) and there have been a few better class of men however they have kinda come and then gone…

    So maybe I’m not ready yet.

    But with him I suddently felt turned on to him and for some reason his absence now feels like a failure.

    Although its not.

    And also often times this isn’t over…

    Like with men, I think its all over, and really it is a kind of on-going story…

    We shall see.

    I wonder what will happen next.



  241.  #242Mel on October 21, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    Ella…

    I’m also thinking that perhaps… the universe brings into our lives those who need to be there… for whatever reason. To teach us a lesson, to resolve unresolved issues, to experience life more fully. And perhaps those people flow in and out as necessary. “In” to bring us peace and closure and “out” when they are no longer needed. Yes… perhaps the “closure” happens more when people are WITH us. As we heal. Perhaps when they leave, we already have the closure we need.

    Sexysarcastic taught me that I am a desirable siren. He taught me that affection feels SOOOO good and not to be afraid of it. He reminded me how much I love to laugh. While he was around, he showed me what a step-up man looks like. Perhaps he’s not the step-up man for ME, but at least now I know how to recognize one. All of these teachings have brought me closure in areas of my life that felt unsure and scary. Perhaps I don’t really NEED any more closure from him.

    Ella, what did CD1 teach you? How has he already brought you some closure?



  242.  #243Ella on October 21, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    Feels nice with the POF guy who came back… like ah, he must not have been able to forget me!

    Feels nice to make up a positive story for a change.

    I make try making up some more of these.

    And see how that feels.



  243.  #244Ella on October 21, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    239

    Sure does.

    🙂



  244.  #245Ella on October 21, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Mel CD1 showed me how it feels to have someone who is not afraid to be fully focused on me.

    And taught me how to start accepting that.

    He also taught me I can date and be with wealthy men.

    And different types of men who I thought were boring.

    He also reminded/taught me to be a little bit more objective with my businesses and gave me some business idea.

    And he caused me to take a look at my work and change my path a bit and now I am steering a bit more towards doing the thing I feel passionate about and was scared to do (although I still don’t know if this is the right path obviously).

    So he has taught me a lot…

    Just felt like there was more to come, like we weren’t done.

    But who knows.

    I feel grateful for what he has showed me…

    And as always I have that fear no one better will come.

    But they always do.

    Oh and finally I am sure there is something here for me about learning to deal with, accept and feel ok with people coming and going, although this feels harder to get right now.

    Thanks Mel.

    Thanks CD1!

    (Oh and he also taught me that I like nice cars!! 😉 )

    xoxox



  245.  #246Daria on October 21, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    last nite while i was walking back a man called me and firmed up some plans with me for tomorrow at 2

    he talked to me for like 3 hours, including when i was walking home which felt nice. he did it on purpose cuz i had said it was dark.

    so he offered me to live at his place and we talked about it and imagined it in detail, how i would get around, what atmosphere i liked, etc.

    he said it’s good i have that as an option, just to know i do have options, and it seemed like he wasnt gonna pressure me like he knew that even if it was temporary until i find some place i want where i can have my own guests etc

    that felt good and reaffirming

    then this morning LawSchoolCD called the one who i had talked to while i was i romania on skype

    sometimes he can throw me off with his gender switching requests (come to me etc)

    but this time i was opening my pelvis and felt so relaxed and good to be able to talk from that place. he was so into talking to me he was in traffic to get some food, went in the parking lot of the food spot after working his way thru traffic to get there…

    and then left without stopping to get his food and realized it when he was on the freeway – cuz he was so caught in the conversation

    wow!

    i felt really good and amused.

    Then VideoCD called, and i found myself saying im free on Monday

    wow! i did not try to squeeze him in tonight, it might have felt inconvenient for me. I am however squeezing in a new CD i have just met off POF

    but with VideoCD ive videotalked to him so the first time I meet him I would feel good with longer time than the 1 hour time im planning on with tonights cd.

    also i was checking my intuition and heart (and still keeping my pelvis expanded) and it wasn’t talking sbout squeezing him in tonite.

    so he seemed disappointed, and i fetl relaxed and natural and surprised about how easy it is to make th switch to not taking last minute dates (really easy)

    wow me

    and then of course i have the new CD im meeting tonite…

    and Tman CD the one I was talking about earlier that my friend’s friend is in love with that I’ve dated pretty closely

    he called, and wanted to know when he could see me… andtold him im invited to a party tonite if he’d like to be my date (my heart did say it was cool to do that)

    so he wanted me to call him later, and i said no, i don’t want to do that,

    so then he said too much pressure, ok i will call you to see

    and i was in my pelvis and it felt so reassuring and im a different groove and

    it’s going to shift everything… it already is.

    i Like that I have plans for tomorrow and Sunday.

    I have plans! really for me and it feels good, its not just up in the air and taking my plans as backup if nothing better comes along

    no these are plans and i like them and other stuff can be planned around!

    so awesome



  246.  #247Mel on October 21, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    Architect has started signing his emails “xoxo”

    Cute. That feels smiley. How come I feel more attracted to architect when he’s not actually in front of me? This definitely makes me wonder if I really AM afraid of intimacy. I like the IDEA of intimacy, but I’m truly afraid. I need to heal this. He’s actually a big teddy bear.

    I had this thought… “but if I showed him I was interested, he’d just vanish… like the rest.” Perhaps that’s my limiting belief. That men won’t stick around. That I can’t capture their attention long-term. This is simply not true. Logically, I know this… wow! Interesting to see where my patterns are. Hrmph!



  247.  #248Mel on October 21, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    244:

    Yay Ella! It sounds like he’s already given you a lot of closure/healing in your life.

    Stepping stones, right?



  248.  #249alias girl lol on October 21, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    are you kidding me? the inner corners were already curling off. i just pulled them off.

    will i ever master these things?

    and i’m not sure if i am just accustomed to looking at my eyes the normal way but i think they look better without the lashes.

    i will keep you updated.
    you can expect minute-by-minute updates on all my lash adventures.



  249.  #250Ella on October 21, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    AG,

    I once tried to apply false lashes, the single ones you are supposed to glue on!

    loool.

    They ended up EVERYWHERE except on my eyelashes!!

    He he.

    I gave up.



  250.  #251Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    @201: Esteemed

    You seem as though you are chasing men who reject you. Are you feeling all right today?

    I see you still have not developed boundaries even after many years of therapy. Perhaps someone will love and accept you anyway.



  251.  #252Ella on October 21, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Owwww, message from really HOT looking guy on POF who I actually feel attracted to from his pics…

    This is unusual…

    And his e-mail to me said ‘So Gorgeous! xx’

    He, he, wow! That feels good.

    Thanks Universe.

    For bringing me a new, attractive guy right now.

    Wow, things really can change on a dime!

    Feeling kinda excited now.

    Just cus the Universe is showing me that actually there is an abundance of hot men!

    Wooohoo.

    🙂



  252.  #253alias girl lol on October 21, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    249 ella hehe the single ones look very ADVANCED.



  253.  #254Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    @200: Ella says:
    “…Hmm, I am feeling defensive…’

    OK. Got the message, finally. Carry on.



  254.  #255Daria on October 21, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    i had an awkward feeling conversation and a date on monday evening. even though i feel weird and uncomfortable about it



  255.  #256Daria on October 21, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    i feel like i overfunctioned to set the date and now i feel tense and icky

    and expanding my pelvis now i feel sad



  256.  #257Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    @200: Ella

    If defensive, best don’t bother looking for stuff and re-reading. Please don’t.

    I’m looking at “I told you so in the face and that doesn’t feel all that good.” Forget it all and follow your own path.



  257.  #258Megan on October 21, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    @ Tinque, Daria, Senior Lady Vibe, & Tiffany,

    thanks for your responses.
    I feel esp grateful for Tinque’s as I have a guy which there was an *incredible* spark with, on both sides, when we first looked into each other’s eyes BUT, story of my life lol, he’s too young and not ready. so perhaps one day he will be 🙂

    Tiffany,
    there is nothing wrong with dating a 30 yr old when you’re 25, but for me personally, it makes me feel older than I am and I do not like that.
    it’s not that I knowingly seek out the younger ones, it just happens to work that way.

    Could anyone direct me to a blog about arguments and how to handle them AFTER you’ve both walked away? i.e. if he’s not reaching out to you, do you leave it or reach out to him in feeling messages?

    I feel so grateful for all you sirens



  258.  #259Ella on October 21, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    SLV

    No, I can feel defensive and still look.

    Feeling angry now and STILL do listen to what you say.

    Its all good here.

    Thank you.



  259.  #260Ella on October 21, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Re 250

    Ouch.



  260.  #261Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    I’ll try this one again…

    but it’s gone…



  261.  #262Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    @248: alias girl lol

    I lost the other “eyelashes” post and waiting for a wave of signal so I can send this…

    What kind of lashes did you use? I’ve been watching eyelashes application vids but I’ve never worn extra lashes before because I used to have real lashes.

    I was excited yesterday to see the Halloween lashes. They were amazing, bright colors, feathers, and very, very long. I want some… just for fun but I want some.

    😀

    xoxo



  262.  #263LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    106:

    Mel:
    Try the gym, it’s a hot flirting cruising spot around here. I know 2 longterm comitted couples who met there. My friend got 2 guys asking her out on dates there.

    A guy came up to me at the videostore to just start chatting about movies, he suggested a few good movies to me…and no he wasn’t the clerk he was a customer lol 🙂

    Walk w your eyes up at the grocery store…A guy came up to me at the tomato stand and asked my advice on picking the right tomatoes. He started following me around and checking me out. While I was looking at a shelf of pasta, he looked into my cart…and poofed! No wonder, I had family size toilet paper, family size everything, coz there was a big sale on bulk sizes. One look at my cart looked like I had a big family to go home to. lol That was funny 😀



  263.  #264LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    262:
    Oh, and I also had men’s shaving cream and razors…that must have been what made him poof. At that time, I found men’s razors and shaving cream did a better job on my legs and armpits.

    Ah, dang! He was cute too, wearing an ambulance driver’s uniform, then walked out into his ambulance. He would have been a practical cd w his lifesaving skills 😉



  264.  #265LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Alias Girl,

    I have a pair of false lashes that I bought a while ago. I can’t find the courage to try them on. I realized that the glue is not included. Gotta go buy glue tomorrow.
    Gotta at least try coz I find them so pretty when I see them on other women.



  265.  #266LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    I think I’m alone here now. That’s a sign that it’s time to go to bed.

    Always a pleasure reading all of you. 🙂

    Goodnight xox



  266.  #267Lilly on October 21, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Daria-re:#28

    And some guys are a total whack job and jerks at 70.
    It’s not age-it’s the person.

    As disappointing as that is I have found it to be true.
    I finally found out what my man has been up to and I feel lost, sad and confused. We have been together for 11 months. For five of those in the beginning he was still living with a woman and no telling her he was online seeking other women. He was out of state and at five months moved up here to be with me. I never knew he wasn’t single or I would not have dated him.

    He played me and lied about it. He played her and lied about it. Only breaking up with here around last May
    when he moved to my town and we bought a house 3 months later and moved into it. Had I known I would have made a different choice. Now here I am being called a cunt and told to shut the eff up. And I will have to move because I don’t see any other way to resolve this. I feel numb and in shock.

    Ladies be careful of long distance relationships. It is very easy for the men to lie to you while with other women and hurt you both. If he cheated on her, he will cheat on me in the future.

    What a fool I have been. What a big idiot fool.



  267.  #268alias girl lol on October 21, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    262 senior vibe lady. one of the sirens recommended ardell. ardell definitely has the better glue than others. (the one i used today was elf. ) i just use elf to practice because they are only $1.oo but i havent found elf ones i like yet. i just bought a pair of ardell and then two other cheapy ones to try. plus the jewelled ones i didnt buy yet but will.

    265 lili 41 i see them look good on other women too. i guess i just need to find the right ones. its just something fun to do.



  268.  #269LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Yep, mine are ardell. I have em, may as well try em. I’ll go buy the glue tomorrow.
    I’ll let you know how they work out AG.



  269.  #270LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    It’s 1am here and I can’t sleep.



  270.  #271alias girl lol on October 21, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    269 lili 41 yes let me know!!!

    it’s kind of taking me awhile to get it. but hey, it’s still taking me awhile to figure out the eyeliner thing too so…

    i would love to get some wigs too.



  271.  #272LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    So confused.

    I told D I didn’t want to talk to him anymore and I didn’t want to see him anymore. But he won’t leave me alone.
    Why do I answer the phone when he calls?

    If I read the last post, I should keep him as a snack in case he decides to grow up and step up.

    If I listen to my Reconnect your Relationship program, I should say no to his behaviour. I do. But he won’t let me go.

    I cooled down since I blew up at him last Sunday. I was able to speak to him in FMs this evening.
    I said I feel sad and angry and I don’t want to keep feeling that way.

    He says he can do better. I said I don’t want to be the controlling insecure gf. Being in that role makes me feel bad and I don’t want that kind of relationship. I don’t want to tell you what to do.

    He insisted on speaking to me in person, and all he can find to say is “I can do better than that. I can’t stop thinking about you, I’ve been thinking about you all week.”

    He went to play hockey and came to see me 1 hour and a half after. After every hockey game, he always has beer on his breath. But tonight was the 1st time that he didn’t have one hint of the beer smell. He must have stayed after the game to talk to his close friend instead of drinking. His close friend is on his team, and he is a very happily married w 3 kids dedicated to his family type man.
    I know he has a couple of good close friends who are a good influence.

    Tried the snack thing, but that didn’t work for me. Maybe I should just make sure I keep on that track of focusing on myself.



  272.  #273LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    I had the nails done. That was a disaster.
    $60 and it only lasted 4 days when in should last 3 weeks. I just happened to get an unexperienced technician.
    I got a friend to give me her technician’s number. But it’s more money than I care to spend. I bought some cheap ones at the beauty section of the drugstore. My cousin says that she tried those and they lasted 2 weeks.



  273.  #274Starla on October 21, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    My hair is purple underneath now

    well it’s just barely red enough to not get me fired…but pretty dang purple under the fluorescent lights anyway.

    I was hoping for something more dramatic, but my girl tell me she likes it. I like that it’s colorful but subtle…it was done super artfully. I am happy!

    This is the beginning of my love affair with hair dye, I do believe.

    I am going to spend this weekend focusing on me and taking care of me. I am getting attention from CDs but don’t really want any of it. I want to be alone. I feel worried the men will take this all very personally, especially the ones i don’t see too much. oh well.



  274.  #275Starla on October 21, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    it’s just funny cuz i was feeling worried about not having a date tomorrow night. and now i’m feeling protective of that ‘me’ time.



  275.  #276LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    Oops, I wrote dr*gst*re so my last post is in moderation.
    Anyway, here it is again:

    I had the nails done. That was a disaster.
    $60 and it only lasted 4 days when in should last 3 weeks. I just happened to get an unexperienced technician.
    I got a friend to give me her technician’s number. But it’s more money than I care to spend. I bought some cheap ones at the beauty section of the dr*gst*re. My cousin says that she tried those and they lasted 2 weeks.



  276.  #277LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    274:

    Hi Starla,

    COOL !!! Purple hair! That’s a feisty thing to do. I like your guts 😉

    I had burgundy streaks in mine last July. They faded out and are now like auburn, which looks awesome on my dark chestnut brown hair.



  277.  #278LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    275:

    Starla, this is your time to enjoy your own company and learn how to love yourself even more, get all cozy and comfy with yourself. Enjoy.

    I’m sure starting to enjoy all this ME time.



  278.  #279LILI 41 on October 21, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    My feelings are really starting to unfreeze and come up on the surface.

    I noticed a change in me today.

    I was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half, I mean bumper to bumper jam of all jams.
    There were 2 policemen directing traffic at an intersection. We were all just stopped there forever. My window was down and one of them came up and had a pleasant small talk w me. He was so nice and has such a soft vive about him. I would never have noticed that before..hmmm

    Then I was stopped for another while right in front of a daycare which was once a store. So it was right close up to the street with big store windows. I could see all the little ones inside going about their business. They seemed to be all 2 to 3 year olds.
    I turned into this big melty jelly jello mush, had goose bumps and tears in my eyes I was so awstruck at these cutest little adorable people.
    I don’t want children of my own, but those ones just made me melt. I never had that reaction before.

    Doing all this connecting w my feelings w RR’s Reconnect to Your Relationship CDs in my care during traffic…really works.
    I’m having feelings coming up all over the place! Feels good, makes me feel all loving and soft…and ALIVE !!!



  279.  #280Starla on October 21, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    Yay LILI I like the way you explain that.

    Maybe I’ll tell these guys if they call me up tomorrow looking to make last minute weekend plans…”ohh thank you for the invitation, it always feels good to spend time with you! and when i realized i didn’t have any social stuff going on for the weekend, i got to feeling really stoked about some ‘me’ time so I don’t want to get together this weekend. what do you think?”

    or something like that.

    yes, i have free time to hang out. no, i’d rather not this time, but next time yes!!

    gosh, that feels so self absorbed…and i love it. i love me.



  280.  #281MovingMagic on October 21, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    Hi Starla, I like what you just wrote about feeling protective of your “me time”. For me, it feels amazing to love myself enough to enjoy myself – alone with my thoughts, my body, my creativity/expression, and my emotions. Sometimes I use that time to go out dancing by myself, maybe go to a movie, a favorite cafe, read a book, find a new genre of music…sometimes a walk, or bike ride. In those moments I feel like I’m really embracing myself. Giving to myself in a way that no one else can…nor do I always want them to.

    Tonight my housemate invited me out, and do did the man I’m getting to know. It felt pretty amazing to simply say “Not tonight, but thank you. I’m pampering myself 😉 “…and mean it. I feel like boundaries become boundaries, and not power struggles when I’m honoring myself in this way.

    It’s all a part of the journey though. I had a big, slab of ice around my heart for years. It’s taken many sleepless nights, and an ocean of tears to get where I’m at now. I went from a wall of ice, to a flood of willingness, to finally feeling like a flowing spring with defined boundaries. I feel like I’m able to “flow” only when I know what my boundaries are.
    If a man (or anyone for that matter) wants to take a swim in my spring, they’ll understand it’s depth, the speed in which it flows, and its direction, simply because I’ve laid the groundwork for myself.

    Do your thang, woman. 😉



  281.  #282Starla on October 21, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    Thanks for sharing, MovingMagic, and i love your name!



  282.  #283Daria on October 22, 2011 at 12:08 am

    Tonights date. So awesome.

    I felt so at ease around this man in my body.

    I thought he’d be feminine and actually he had a really confident masculine air about him. And he got out to open my car door. Twice.

    I felt so at ease talking with him.

    I even asked him to get me herbs cuz I was sick – which felt scary to ask.

    It felt fun and relaxing being around him. Super great nonjudgemental energy.



  283.  #284Daria on October 22, 2011 at 12:11 am

    It was so acing I wound up naturally talking about how I don’t like ‘work’ but one of the things im doing is i have a coaching practice. I told him how it feels – awesome – to help women w self esteem … And it all came naturally, without me trying and without embarrassment even .

    I was in my pelvis and I felt surprised at how beautiful and dimple it felt to talk about this.



  284.  #285Starla on October 22, 2011 at 12:29 am

    Woohoo Daria, sounds delicious, thank you for sharing that nice story with us



  285.  #286Ella on October 22, 2011 at 1:53 am

    Morning Sirens,

    Feeling quite good today… Like pond clearing.

    Starla Purple Hair sounds very cool!

    🙂



  286.  #287English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 1:53 am

    #189 Ella

    Oh I love Derren Brown, he is amazing!!!



  287.  #288English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 1:57 am

    #205 Ella

    If they are really into you then it doesn’t matter, what is that saying about you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person?



  288.  #289English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 2:36 am

    I am off out today to a fancy hairdressers in a big city near to me, I got a Groupon coupon a few weeks back, cut, blow dry and deep conditioning treatment for £19 instead of £55!!!! I am also paying extra to have some high/low lights done, would love to have purple like Starla but alas it is too late for me to do that so will stick to new blonde ones. 😀

    Not sure if you ladies get Groupon, but you get some amazing deals on there!!



  289.  #290Mel on October 22, 2011 at 2:55 am

    Starla,

    Purple hair… awesome! A few years back (when i worked for a less prissy employer, I died my dark blonde hair almost black with hot pink underneath. I loved it! I can’t go that drastic… but I was considering strawberry blonde all over with dark auburn strategically placed low-lights. Perhaps dark auburn underneath would look cool too. So there’s some beautiful red when I flip my hair. I look grrrrrreat as a red-head! My hair has a natural tendency to go strawberry in the sun, so it always looks sexy, yet natural enough that people aren’t quite sure what my color really is.

    I feel inspired to make an appointment next week!



  290.  #291Mel on October 22, 2011 at 3:01 am

    My neighbor that invites me out walking with the dogs called me last night to see if I’d like to do something with him this weekend. He’s a little older than I’m used to dating… 40 was my previous max. (I’m 32) Yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s 45 or so. Perhaps I’ll suggest something super casual (he asked for suggestions) like coffee. I was liking the dog-walking friendship thing. Not sure about anything more than that.



  291.  #292Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 4:12 am

    I feel I’m ready to post again today. However, I feel afraid to share what happened in the last few days because I didn’t act in a sireny way but…things turned out fine, actually, more than fine. It’s a long story but to make it short, I’ll just say that my sweetie and I came to a decision which will improve both our lives and make things easier.

    Also, I want to say that I appreciate how some of you “invited” me to keep posting. It’s just that I felt afraid you would think I was not following the Rori way of doing things and be disappointed at me.

    I will be back tonight and tell you about the whole thing. For the time being, I have to get ready for work.

    Thanks for being there.



  292.  #293Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 4:31 am

    Ooops! I meant be disappointed “in” me, not “at” me! Doh!



  293.  #294Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 4:35 am

    Oh and Ella? I meant to say that I’m glad you’re feeling better. You are such a beautiful woman (looked up your pic on your site), it would be a shame if a man didn’t see how wonderful you are inside and out.



  294.  #295LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 6:48 am

    290:

    Mel, YES @strawberry blonde all over with dark auburn.
    Saw that in a picture in the salon and it is breathtaking!



  295.  #296tinque on October 22, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Lilly – “What a fool I have been. What a big idiot fool.”

    No, no Lilly, you are not a fool nor an idiot. You trusted, and this is a wonderful quality. Maybe you ignored or denied signs which were likely there, but this is no different than any one of us here who have been lied to and mislead.

    Having your heart broken makes room for more love, and next time your eyes will be open wider, your mind more clear.

    Sending love.

    xxoo



  296.  #297LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 7:00 am

    292:

    So happy to be reading news from you LYKA! 🙂

    I’m happy bc I often feel the same way you do. I post and sometimes need input, get ignored, then I realize I didn’t even ask anyone’s input.
    I keep coming back and look at my triggers, they are there to bring out something that needs healing.
    Sometimes, I’ll reread something I posted the day before and I can see my wall that feels uninviting…then I see that wall out in my everyday life…In short, WE’RE ALL HERE TO LEARN.

    SO, PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK LYKA! If no one else needs you, I DO!!

    And I too don’t always follow the RR way of doing things. I don’t mind anyone pointing it out and suggesting any RR alternative to the way I did things. We are here just to learn.

    I CAN’T WAIT TO READ WHAT YOU HAVE TO WRITE TONIGHT!
    I’ll probably only be back to read it tomorrow, but I will look for You.



  297.  #298tinque on October 22, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Lyka – There is no “right” way. You can be who you are around here, and most will love you and embrace you for you, your authenticity.

    Believe me when I say we all make “mistakes” though I don’t like to look at anything as a mistake but more as learning and growing experiences.

    xxoo



  298.  #299LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 7:04 am

    Ella, you have pix? @294.
    Can I see them? I’m sooo curious to match the personality w a face.



  299.  #300LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 7:11 am

    298:

    Yey Tinque! Feels good and reassuring to read that 🙂

    I admire Lyka for her courage to say what’s on her mind and how she feels about it.

    Allthough your post is not directed at me, I Thank You Tinque for encouraging anyone to self expression, it feels comforting to everyone I’m sure.



  300.  #301ive no idea on October 22, 2011 at 7:19 am

    so after i sent the ‘that feels really good to hear :-)’ text to my man, i had another text later in the night asking how my evening had been, i replied it had been very enjoyable and i was just off to bed which would be feeling a bit cold and empty without him in it (wasnt sure if that sounded a bit clingy and needy but said it anyway)

    turns out it couldnt of sounded that bad because i had another text first thing this morning!! asking if id slept well. yes i had thankyou for asking i replied.
    then he told me hed had a very rude dream about me which had been great. i didnt feel like being drawn into a sexual conversation so i decided to keep it lighthearted and a bit flirty and just replied ‘hmm dare i ask about it i wonder lol’ he said ‘nope maybe you shouldnt lol’ i said ‘lol ok i wont then. need to keep my mind on work :-)’

    a couple of hours later he text again asking if he could come and see me sunday evening after hed dropped his kids back off. i said ‘that would be nice, it feels great having that to look forward too’

    feeling fantastic this afternoon, cant stop smiling 🙂



  301.  #302ive no idea on October 22, 2011 at 7:25 am

    im never very keen on being drawn into a sexual exchange with my man by text, im not sure why but it always makes me feel uncomfortable.

    its strange because before we got together and i used to do messaging on dating sites etc. i actually really enjoyed that type of messaging.

    anyone got any ideas on why this is? is it because i dont like the idea of him sending those types of messages to other women? we met on a dating website



  302.  #303LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 7:36 am

    I wrote last night about me being confused.

    The I remembered reading here about hearing in 1 of Rori’s programs that being confused is a big sign that we are in our heads.

    I am so “In my head” type of person. It’s no wonder I am so good at analytical and organizational jobs.

    When I was growing up, emotions and feelings were not honoured and encouraged. Where I was honoured and encouraged was in my schoolwork. I was a star at home when it came to school. I was praised and encouraged for intellectual achievements.
    So I always threw all my energy into academics and career. Heck, I quit school only at age 37!…where I excell and feel confident.

    I look at my best friend. She is the total opposite, where she is totally in her heart. She has always been the opposite of intellectual. She works w the public where she is never required to do any paperwork or any brainwork…and she is veeerrry successfull at it!
    I see how her love life has evolved exactly how Rori describes it in her teachings. Through every failed relationship, she’s always been there w her heart never her brain. I’ve seen her through many alongside her, where she has evolved after every one of them. After every heartbreak, she would come out of it 1 step higher in maturity, self confidence and self love. Always following her heart, every wrong man for her has always disappeared on his own. Now, she is rock solid and the right man is sticking.

    What I’m doing here is trying to look at her miraculous evolution and see what I can learn for myself in it…by being in my heart w my true feelings, and the wrong man will just magically disappear when I do follow my heart, and the right one will stick and step up.

    So if I do that right now, I sink into my feelings. The feeling that rises to the top is fear.



  303.  #304LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Oh my, my anger is hiding that fear.
    I’ve seen that before, but I need to see it again bc I need to see further. Which is probably why I keep living the same pattern.
    I’m always expressing the anger, never the fear. What if I let that fear out? that’s behind the anger. What would happen? That what would happen question is being in my head again.

    Be in the heart – in the feelings – in the fear – in the real and authentic…Hiding that fear behind the anger…makes me angry to feel afraid and insecure. There’s my FM! I mean my real authentic FM!



  304.  #305LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 7:48 am

    @304: That must be why I’m still single at 42.



  305.  #306R.N.AmazingMe on October 22, 2011 at 7:49 am

    HELLLOOOO sirens 🙂 Well tonight is my little calm, relaxing celebration for getting my nursing license. We are going to have a fire in the fire pit and have some drinks….should be fun!! Everything is falling together now and I am just so much more less stressed and happy. I am feeling my feelings and understanding myself more than ever before. My mind is clearing this is just a great feeling. I am taking it day by day because I am lonely but I just keep my direction to take care of my family and myself! XOXOXO……did some reading on the blog, you sirens are an inspiration!!!



  306.  #307Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Lili 41, click on Ella’s name, it will bring you to her website. Daria has one too.

    And thanks for welcoming me back! 🙂



  307.  #308T-Girl on October 22, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Hi Lyka! Good to see you back. 🙂



  308.  #309Daria on October 22, 2011 at 8:21 am

    I got a small sniffle w tingly achiness on the right of my head.

    — I’m thinking about renaming right and left something else. Maybe male and female? But they cross. Left brain right body. How cute. —

    So I did some Eft. Haven’t in the past had much success w EFT for relieving physical symptoms, not for more than a few minutes.

    Instead I tapped on feeling cranky, blaming myself pattern going through ideas of what I did ‘wrong’ to cause this.., the icky feelings of blowing my nose and tightening up my whole body to do so forcefully…

    Well that Really helped. I am relaxing into the feeling now so much.

    My throat ear and head doesn’t feel tight anymore. I don’t feel miserable. I’m wiping my nose gently, purposefully… I’m keeping my pelvis open and being curious about expanding the tingly area on the side of my face.

    This feels comforting I’m feeling taken care of.

    I asked my dad to bring me water and make me tea… Something I didn’t use to. I found myself laughing at his jokes. This feels good



  309.  #310LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 8:23 am

    I have the urge to hug you ((RN))! for being you and giving so much to yourself.
    Financial guru Suze Orman said to a single mom: You need to put yourself 1st and do for yourself 1st, so you can be filled to “have” something to give to your kids. Put the oxygen mask on yourself 1st so you can be there for others.

    So awesome that you can fullfill your dream and be there for your kids. You rock as a mom! Those kids are blessed.



  310.  #311Daria on October 22, 2011 at 8:25 am

    I feel so good and not bored scheduling my activities.

    I don’t feel like Im hustling hard to make something happen. Today and the next day and again. My boy is a great hustler.

    This way feels great. Thank u.



  311.  #312Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2011 at 8:27 am

    I’m spending time today with people who value me, respect me, love me, encourage me and have fun with me.

    xoxo



  312.  #313LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Thanks Lyka!

    Ellaaaa,
    you look so feminine.
    If you’re having a hard time with men, it’s definitely not bc of your looks coz you look great!



  313.  #314LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Ella,

    wish you were near so I could go to YOUR Zumba class.
    Will be visiting your website more in depth when I get more time.



  314.  #315LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Never knew your websites were linked to your names here.

    You are very beautiful Daria, even on your passport picture.
    Passport pictures usually do not show us at our best, but yours does. You look so good on yours!

    Wow, so many beautiful women here.



  315.  #316VW on October 22, 2011 at 9:37 am

    My dear Sirens,

    I’ve had some interesting three weeks…i shared a bit about my last man acquisition…and experience…

    well, it apparently came out to an end…

    i feel sooo proud of myself…

    This past week, after revealing some personal information to him…i noticed a change in how i felt treated…

    It didn’t’ feel good…:(

    On and off i would ask myself “wow…how did I invite this dude to “beat” me up?”

    Anyway, the put downs…in u face…saying it like it is…disregard to how i would feel about it…slamming women left and right verbally (he works with models…photographs them, runaway shows…etc) made me feel invisible…and down unsafe…scared…:(

    I feel proud of myself for practicing many of Rori’s tools throughout this experience…
    it felt amazing…my level of awareness was up high…
    how i would tend to my feelings…
    how i would create the shift within self…
    how open i stayed…compassionate and loving…giving the person next to me the reasonable doubt
    how i didn’t blame, evaluate…ask the innocent question…or asking about his past…

    wow….

    so, last nite, we were just about to get ready to go out…he came to my home the nite before …for the 1st time i went to pick him up…his car in the shop…i was okay with it because he did come to my house 25 miles driving almost every day…and driving me around too…that was very cool and attractive…

    all of the sudden, he gets some txt from some models about an upcoming show…and he got all wrapped up again…it felt awful listening how he would talk about some of these girls…:( so, i expressed…”wow…i feel bad hearing this…” he went on…”sweetie, if u can’t handle this…it’s u problem…it’s not my problem…and then went further…”u are sooo negative…depress of something all the time…u are this…and u are that…”…

    i was sitting there…in a state of shock…

    and then..”i said…wow…this feels awful…i think i heard enough for one nite…”

    he said “oh…u heard enough?” and started packing…

    i sat there for a minute…i told myself…gosh, i need to do something to feel better…
    went and took a bath…sang a bit…did some breathing…opening pelvis…
    got dressed up all cute…
    he was waiting in the living room….
    walk by him…took my purse
    he comes after me…telling me he is ready to go assuming i was giving him a ride…
    i looked at him and said sweetly “oh sweetie…i can’t give you a ride…” he went on…”u not? where u going?” i answered…”well, i am following u advice…taking care of me…and not care what other people think…” (in his rampage he was saying he never cares what other people think of him…and i shouldn’t care of it either that my insecurities are steamed from caring what other people think of me…i was sharing with him about feeling bad hearing him bashing these women about their bodies and looks…it made me feel insecure too…arghhh 🙁

    I could go on and on…analyzing and evaluating this man…but, i learned not to…when we do that…we get more invested and accept more bad behavior…we get into their business…we capture their energy…instead of preserving and nurturing ours…

    So, i left him in the house…and went out alone to one of my favorite spots…had a couple of drinks…met a cute guy…practiced some more tools…he invited me to go with him and eat somewhere else…and salsa dance… i did…but not the salsa dancing cause i felt too tired;…after we ate…i let him kiss me and hold me when he walk me to my car…and so i went home…

    my latest “acquisition” was gone…it felt good…

    i said no to what didn’t feel good to me…i didn’t blame…i didn’t attack…

    today, i feel a bit weird…still at peace though…

    i would likely miss him…miss the good parts about the connection…

    i feel gratitude for this experience…because:
    i know it gets me closer to getting what i want …
    i know not to accept exclusivity soo soon…(this was a great practice)
    i know to continue to CD till a man proves himself he is in for the long haul…
    i want a man that is sensitive to my feelings
    i want a man that acts and speaks with care and respect of other women
    and so much more…

    yep, this sums it all…



  316.  #317LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

    WOW VW,

    What a Goddess of you! Got right out w another man. You’re my idol!



  317.  #318VW on October 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Aww, thank u Lili 🙂

    Walking away…facing my fear of “not rocking the boat”…even ending a relationship without a need on my part to make a statement, create closure, etc…this is BIG accomplishment in my book…:)

    warm hugs,



  318.  #319Starla on October 22, 2011 at 10:26 am

    VW That’s amazing. Really great job:)



  319.  #320VW on October 22, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Yes, thank u Starla 🙂

    warm hugs



  320.  #321VW on October 22, 2011 at 11:01 am

    My son is with his dad for the weekend…

    I now am all alone…I feel sad about what it could have been 🙁 We had some great 2 weekends…

    I have a massage at 1…
    I might go and work out before…
    After the massage, I might go downtown pdx…
    Contemplating a happy hour at a nice spot alone (first time ever…going alone )…
    None of my girls are available for a nite out…i was invited to a zambi pubcrawl event…but not only i am not prepared…i also don’t feel it…
    i might go to a movie tonite…eat popcorn and indulge in coke 🙂 yay…actually that feels great!

    anyway, noticing as i was lying down in bed…thoughts of him, of us coming up…i feel sad and that feels like pressure around my temples…heavy heart :(…i need to allow grieving…so that i can feel gratitude at a deeper level…

    Rori’s previous post feels good to read once again today…



  321.  #322Starla on October 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

    I have been feeling a little sour the last couple of days, but I think it was just the last leg of resistance on a big positive shift that I’m noticing in my attitude this morning.

    Crack Fix called and left a message this morning asking me out for the evening. I feel relieved that he wants to see me and is thinking of me…but still i’m wanting time to myself:):) (yay, me time)

    He ended the msg saying “you’re probably busy tonight, but if you’re not, you should give me a call back.”

    So I guess I don’t even need to call him back.

    And yeah, he knows full well (he’s expressed this to me before) that if he doesn’t make plans in advance that he might miss out, but i haven’t actually been living true to that with him lately.

    this sort of no plans thing would really trigger me in the past. i mean, really really bad. I would take it so personally and get so upset at them when men only tried to hang out with me at the last minute once we’re getting closer and closer to each other.

    but there i was, expecting them to try to plan formal dates in advance when i wasn’t even making that necessary for either of us, cuz i wasn’t taking care of me and keeping my life full to an ideal extent. i was asking for parameters that i didn’t even live within myself and seemed arbitrary to the guy, so he, with good intentions, just kept doing what he does- seeing me as much as possible at the last minute.

    so i don’t feel triggered or devalued by this anymore. especially with Crack Fix. He is a wise man and he knows that I could end up busy if he waits too long to ask for my time, but he took that risk since the odds really are that i wouldn’t be too busy to see him this weekend. and it actually feels nice that he wants to see me and that he thought of me. and i do fear the drama that can come from a man getting angry or confused when you’re suddenly not at their beck and call as before, but he seems to handle his drama well in that he won’t punish me or take it out on me if he does feel this way.

    so i am not afraid and i feel good and happy and healthy and grateful and falling in love. and totally focused on me.

    I feel sooo relieved and happy that I am getting to these wonderful emotional places. I never expected it to be quite like this.

    And so much of the time, I feel so fulfilled by the healthy and safe experience with Crack Fix, that I don’t feel the same level of fear of losing him I felt with other men, because I have felt such goodness and healing and sanity in spending time with him, that my gratitude for that outweighs any fear or awfulness associated with him disappearing.



  322.  #323Sweetpea on October 22, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Lili 41,

    Just wanted to let you know how much your posts resonate with me. I feel really in synch with you, like we’re experiencing growth (and growing pains) in a lot of the same areas at approximately the same time. I feel blessed by all of the Sirens on here, but many times I read yours and get an “aha” feeling. Thank you for being here and sharing. I appreciate you.

    Lyka, so good to see you back! Looking forward to hearing more from you!

    Daria, I always love your posts, too. You seem miles ahead of me sometimes, but I get so much useful information from you. I feel grateful for your softer “voice” on here. I wanted to let you know that I notice it, since it seems from some of your things I’ve read that it’s something you’ve put a lot of time and energy into healing.

    I would love to thank each of you Sirens specifically, I learn so much from everyone of you and love celebrating your growth experiences, but unfortunately I haven’t the time. I wish for all of you to know how much I appreciate you all!

    Xoxo muah!!!



  323.  #324LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Awww SweetPea…Right back at ya sister siren!
    Mouah! xox 🙂



  324.  #325VW on October 22, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Something that i practiced with several of my dates…revealed to me with accuracy the power of our shadow…and not dealt with and brought to surface…is sooo destructive at so many levels…

    For example, the last guy i dated…the 1st time we were out on our date…i kept hearing him saying “i hate when people end up not being who they say they are in the beginning”…i thought to myself…wow…there is something for him to heal…

    and sure enough, that shadow came up to hunt him during our experience…where indeed he end up showing a different side of himself…which truly was not who presented himself to be…confident, open minded, accepting of others…positive…etc…

    being projected upon all his insecurities that he was deeply covering, felt awful, disappointing, and painful at times; i saw myself doing the same things to other men in the past…was such a WOW and awakening moment(s)…for me…

    I felt at times compelled to understand him and reason with him…

    i learned from this experience that when i try to reason with him and understand him…i become either his mother or his teacher…and i feel awfully turned off 🙁 that is absolutely not a place to be early in a relationship…with no commitment on the table and proven consistent behavior…

    i am still debating whether is ever a good thing to be a teacher and a mother to a man in a relationship…i used to think 10% is reasonable…yet, i feel certain it’s nooot good while dating…



  325.  #326English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    #291 Lyka

    I feel happy you are posting again. 🙂

    This blog isn’t about taking tests or examinations to see if we passed or failed!! We are all doing the best we can. I am sure Rori doesn’t want us to be clones or disciples of hers!!

    So welcome back lovely Siren. 😀



  326.  #327English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    #315 VW

    Wow you are my heroine Siren!!! What a gal!! 😀



  327.  #328Ella on October 22, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Evening Sirens

    Got a text from CD1 saying he has found someone to do an editorial on me for my business.

    Awww.

    I replied and was very positive and appreciative, and now just thinking the reply was also a little ‘businessy’, and that’s ok….

    Just going to soften up a little.

    Noticing how triggering it feels when he takes ages to reply, ie triggers me to wonder if I said something wrong.

    Awww, bless me.

    If a man takes ages to reply the issue is his.

    And I know my man he will keep coming no matter what.

    Just noticing…

    And also that I am feeling less bothered.
    Like I have let him go already. He has been demoted for now.

    Feel a bit ‘blah’ about him now… for now.

    POF men are chugging along nicely.



  328.  #329Ella on October 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Lyka re 293

    Thanks

    🙂



  329.  #330Ella on October 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Lilli 41

    Yes pics on my website.

    Just click on my name and it will link you through…

    🙂



  330.  #331Ella on October 22, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Daria,

    You did it.

    You have a website!

    Yay.

    🙂 🙂 xxx



  331.  #332Ella on October 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Still wondering how it would feel to say to CD1

    ‘It always feels good to hear from you and it feels great that you are offering me help with my businesses, and actually I feel interested in you in a romantic way. And it feels better to me when the men I date stay in touch regularly.’

    Hmmm, I don’t know.

    Unsure about this still.

    Just don’t want to use my energy wondering about this guy…

    Wonder if I can still leave it open AND still get my energy out of there… ie not think about him.

    Maybe I am just feeling impatient with men?

    Hmmm.

    Sirens any thoughts/feelings on whether to keep a man around when he is doing the bare minimum romantically?



  332.  #333Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    86: Ella – Aww thank you. I texted him back, telling him I felt uncomfortable and sad, so I decided to go home. So we texted back and forth for a while when he revealed that she was “slutting around” and was quite obviously disgusted with her.

    He came over after that and we had a talk and he was soooo soft and warm and loving and all of the things I’ve needed him to be all this time. And when we were in bed, he wrapped me up in his arms and kept giving me little kisses on the shoulder, and of course I melted and enjoyed every second.

    Then yesterday it all turned to sh*t again. He was driving me to a friend’s house because I had a girl’s night planned and I forgot my phone so I insisted on going back home to get it. He was saying too that he was probably going to go home (he was originally going to stay the night). Next he’s telling me he wasn’t driving me back and I should just go out and not drink then I can drive home and then got the sh*ts because I refused, and said that instead I’d just drive to my gf’s house then stay there the night.

    Gawd, it was just a big mess and I felt frustrated and upset, then sent him a heap of text messages after he’d left. So it’s Sunday morning here now, I’ve sent an apology, but am unsure as to whether I’ll hear from him. Unfortunately we work together, but luckily it’s easy to avoid him if I need to… 🙁



  333.  #334Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    87: sammie sighs – yep I want the same thing. I totally hear you! xx



  334.  #335Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    90: T-Girl – Yup I’m 40 in two weeks! I’ve already organised drinks after work on the Friday before but the actual day I’ll be working but will probably take my kids out for dinner. So it’s not like I’ll be doing absolutely nothing. It just would have been nice to do something with someone special. Oh well, if it’s not meant to be, then it won’t happen.



  335.  #336Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    91: Susan – Yup that’s where I’m coming from. I thought I’d have my sh*t together by now. I most certainly don’t though!!!



  336.  #337Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    Ella, you’re welcome, it’s my pleasure.

    (((hugs)))



  337.  #338alias girl lol on October 22, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    288 English woman how did your hair come out?!! 🙂



  338.  #339sammie sighs on October 22, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Well feeling good today got a text last nite from Mr P I sisnt answer just feeling need for new things in my life a lot of painful memories with him ..Had a really nice girly nite my friends came and dragged me out literally lol so had a good evening feeling grateful for the many lovely people in my life and looking forward to time learning about me and excited for the future X



  339.  #340Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    So here’s my story, as promised:

    A few months ago, I asked my sweetie how he would feel about me moving into his house with him. He lives in a small and very quiet village, he has a big empty backyard where I could start a garden (my dream for many, many years). Since he’s gone most of the time, the house is empty from March to November except when he comes down every month. At the time, he didn’t say yes or no and he frankly didn’t sound reluctant to it. I just asked him to think about it, which he did.

    Last Thursday, he drove down from Fredericton because he had an issue to solve with his neighbour (she used to pick his mail up and heat up the house in the spring and autumn but that’s all over now because she stole money from him). He got here at 12:20 at night and we spent most of the night talking about all sorts of things and at some point, I asked him how he saw our relationship and where we should go from here. Then I reminded him about my offer about moving in with him, how I was ready to take my driver’s license (never had one, never had a car, big move for me) so I would be able to drive to work when he wasn’t there. He totally freaked out but in a good way! He was super relieved that I mentioned it and said he wanted to tell me about the driver’s license but didn’t know how to bring it up without imposing it on me. He was super happy when I mentioned it, seeing how it was the only way I could not only remain independant, keep my job here in the city and be able to go shopping, especially for food since there is no grocery store in the village where he lives.

    He also told me that he never thought he would meet someone like me, someone who would be ready to be with him given the kind of job he has, traveling all the time from one place to the other every year. I seriously don’t mind that, even though I find it tough at times and I know we will be able to spend time together this coming winter since he won’t be working and the next winter after that as well. He always thought he would end up alone, that no one would be able to accept the kind of life he’s living but he’s such a special guy, so sweet and funny (he made me laugh so hard on Thursday night, I was crying) and cute with his long, curly hair that I just can’t give him up. I just love him to bits and so does he. He keeps telling how beautiful I am, even when I wake up in the morning! How sweet is that???

    So it looks like my life will be changing in a year or so, seeing how I still have to learn to drive and that takes time.

    I am so happy that he agreed and I feel like I’m on cloud nine. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy. He’s exactly the kind of man I’ve been waiting for and more.

    So Lili 41, don’t despair. I’m 46 and I finally met the man of my dreams so there’s hope for you as well as for all of you single sirens here.

    Sweetpea and EW, thanks for welcoming me back! It feels good to be accepted.

    Tinque, you are so sweet and your words made me feel better. Thank you very much.



  340.  #341Ella on October 22, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Sirens, Somehow this feels like what my situation with CD1 could become…

    Don’t know why… it just feels a bit like it. I know he seemed into me however it no longer feels good, it feels bad:

    @ Rori

    Here’s a letter from Allison – who’s hung up on a man who not only is acting like a “friend with benefits” – he’s got more POWER in the “relationship” than Allison because of their “doctor/patient” relationship:

    “Rori, I need help right away!

    I’ve been dating the man of my dreams who I am totally in love with for almost a year. I did give Matt an “I love you,” about 2 weeks ago, then he told me he’s not a good guy to love, etc… He won’t quit dating other girls till, “there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m in love…” He hasn’t been dating other girls much, except for a couple first dates… a glass of wine with 2 different girls who contacted him on Match.com. No big deal.

    He’s also been my chiropractor for 7 years. I went into his office for a late visit Wednesday, and I was dressed up nice for a date with another guy. He asked me if I had date, and I told him I do… I could tell he felt uncomfortable, and he told me that if the date doesn’t go well, I should come over after. He texted me a few times while I was out at dinner. Well I had a nice dinner and wine, but all I could think of was Matt! So I did go to his house after, and we always have the most amazing sex! I was telling him the next day that I’m looking for a boyfriend, and he told me that it’ll be a sad day for him when that happens.

    Well, he hasn’t called me in over 2 days. I was on facebook very late last night and saw a comment on his page from a girl in his gardening class, saying “I believe I had a wonderful time with you tonight…” OMG!! I am totally freaking out… I texted him at 3:30 in the morning cuz I couldn’t sleep and hadn’t heard from him in so long! All I said was, “I’m having a hard time.” He texted back a couple hours later to say, “OK. Talk to me.”

    All I said was that I have had insomnia for 2 nights, and “it would feel good to talk to you whenever I see you again. I’m feeling burnt out on texting.” So he told me to take more calcium/magnesium, and we’d talk about it later.

    He usually called every day, and we went out 2-3 nights a week, but lately it’s been down to maybe once a week. I really want to see him! But this girl seems amazing! His type of girl who has the same interests, and is highly educated and beautiful… She’s a teacher. I didn’t mention that I’m a single mom of 3, an exotic dancer and a massage therapy student. So I am a little insecure about my job because of the judgments often made by others… I do enjoy my work as a dancer, and am thankful that I spend so much time with my children because of it but I can not be proud and tell most people what I do. I often get stuck saying that i sell jewelry because i did sell it for a while in the past.

    I am freaking out and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him already so quickly! Everything was so wonderful and he’s truly an amazing person!

    Here’s my answer:

    So what if a man is “great”? (I don’t happen to think this man is so great…but, okay, what if you’re right, he’s “great”?)

    George Clooney is great. I wouldn’t mind taking Matthew McConaughy for a spin. A night with Jake Gyllenhaal would be dreamy. And then there’s Adam Lambert.

    These men are fantastic. No question about it. And…so what?

    There’s a great showbiz story about Dick Powell and June Allyson, long-time happily married couple – and big movie stars.

    The story goes like this:

    June Allyson was just a girl. No one famous… no famous connections. Dick Powell was a big movie star. She had a crush on him, she had to have him. And so she became a movie star – taking dance lessons and singing lessons and working her way up through bit parts and doing whatever she had to – just to meet Dick Powell. That was her goal.

    And – she did it. She became a movie star, she met Dick Powell, they were perfect for each other, and so the fairy tale goes.

    (Okay – I can’t corroborate that story – but my mother was in show-biz around the same time – and that was the story she told me, so I’ll stick with it for fancy’s sake…)

    Well – are you willing to do that?

    Are you willing to create a life that’s so amazing that you can MEET the man of your dreams? I would go with you on that one…if you want George Clooney or Jake Gynllenhall.

    However, Matthew is taken, and Adam you’d have to rewire. Rewiring Adam Lambert as a heterosexual is not going to happen, and turning a non-committal man into your prince is a far stretch. And what if June had met Dick and they didn’t click? Would all her efforts have been for nothing?

    Well – she’d still be a movie star – not so bad…

    And what if the man you’re so crazy for is your doctor? If you’re a doctor too…that would likely pose no issue for you – (and I hear that you’re on your way to doing that, as a massage therapist…) but for the rest of is – it’s a power problem. He has it, you don’t.

    Chemistry based on power is an electrified fence. You touch it, you burn.

    And – let’s talk about this man – and his ABUSE of POWER.

    His “take calcium” response to your cry for emotional help was about as cold a clue as you can get. It’s sort of like saying “I love you” and having the man say back “I know.” Ouch. Pain. Hurt.

    I have a very long story about my own hung-upness on a doctor of mine…and so I know how this goes. I was a power junkie. If I thought a man was great – for whatever made-up reason I made up – I was putty in his hands. I was a doormat – and a worshipping one at that. But – you’d never know that.

    You wouldn’t have guessed I was a doormat, because I was also secretive. I didn’t talk about my crushes and my emotional attachments to a man. I would be involved with a man, totally be “in love” with him, SEE the evidence that he considered himself a “friend with benefits” – or at most, a “for now sort of boyfriend…” I could SEE that I was “temporary” for him – but I didn’t let on. I played cool. I played along. I just played as though that was okay with me, that I could handle it.

    It was me taking crumbs and not even complaining!! It was me pretty much creating a new job description for love – the “willing crumb taker” job – that required pretending, play-acting, and what I thought looked like incredible inner strength but was really incredible tolerance for bad behavior – along with a huge dose of “fooling yourself.”

    Basically – I had a good “story.” I sounded and looked confident – as though I had chosen this situation.

    I was a hard nut to crack – and when I did crack, I really had to scramble to put myself back together.

    Allison – this is going to be easier for you in some ways than it was for me, and in some ways harder.

    First…just because you think he’s great doesn’t make that true.

    Just because he helps you as a doctor doesn’t mean he knows what to do with your heart. It doesn’t even mean he’s a good person. In fact, anyone who is a doctor of something as holistic as chiropractic and doesn’t know that he’s damaging your health because he’s affecting your emotional self is not a very good doctor at all.

    I see no scenario in which you can not be enraged at him.

    And – like me – you’re selling yourself on the lie that he’s somehow better than you.

    You are worshipping his “intellect.” You think he has something you don’t – and even want to “give” him this other woman, who you think is more suited to him and better than you. You see him as “professional” and with “status.” You see him as having qualities you wish you had.

    And you’re completely belittling and ignoring the amazing, fabulous qualities YOU have – AND…you’re ignoring the fact that you’re working to GET some of those qualities for YOURSELF – so you don’t even NEED to get them through a man. I know it feels like a shortcut, to get those qualities from a man – but it just doesn’t work that way.

    It’s really the total opposite. YOU sound like an AMAZING woman – taking care of your children, taking care of your health, having a good, well paying job that enables you to spend time with your kids and support them – PLUS – studying to do other work that you like. I can’t imagine a better person than you.

    And yet – you put yourself down, and raise him up.

    In your eyes – he’s better, and you deserve crumbs.

    I’m here to tell you to reconsider this judgment. To really, really look at the reality of this situation.

    To really look at yourself and the amazing things you’re doing and see how you’re letting the judgments of people who don’t half deserve to even KNOW you run the way you think of yourself.

    I want to reach in there and pull you from harm’s way – and this post is the only way I can do that.

    Please stop seeing this man totally. Find another chiropractor (there are hundreds). If you have difficulty working with men health practitioners because you get crushes on them – find a WOMAN!

    Every man living wants to date an exotic dancer. And an exotic dancer who is studying massage would have to be even more attractive than that! You rock.

    So – get yourself out there, with the time you have apart from all the other things you’re doing in your life – and let a REAL MAN date you, treat you the brilliant way you deserve, love you up, and make you feel good.

    When you cut this man off (unless he shows up with a solid plan to be the man you want with the commitment level you want) – everything will get better for you. Your anxiety will disappear. Your health will improve. Your self-esteem will go up.

    You’ll learn to love yourself…which is always step one in allowing a man to really love you. And a great man (I define a great man as one who loves YOU) will find you and make you happy.

    We are all easily swayed by power and our own estimation of “greatness” and the “dream man” qualities we hold dear. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to switch our sense of judgment around a man. Forget about who he is, what he does, how much power, looks, money or status he has.

    Instead – look at how he treats you. Look at how he makes you feel. A great man is one who can love. Who knows how to love like a MAN. When you can look for that in a man, and SEE that when it shows up…then power will flow to you, through you, through both of you…everything expands, everything gets better…

    Love, Rori



  341.  #342Ella on October 22, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Thinking I might say something…

    When he next contacts me I might say

    ‘I appreciate you offering me help with my business. And actually I feel romantically attracted to you. And I feel better with more regular contact with men I date.

    This situation feels kinda odd to me, like something is up and I don’t really have the full picture. What do you think?’

    That is what I would like to say.

    I could say it.

    I might consider sending the second part separately.

    And I am prepared for the possibility of him disappearing…

    If that happens its ok.

    Sirens, any thoughts or feelings pls?



  342.  #343Ella on October 22, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Or I might just say the first part….



  343.  #344Ella on October 22, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Lyka,

    Awwww, I feel happy that ou are happy.

    🙂 xoxox



  344.  #345Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Thanks, Ella, I really feel lucky to be with a man like that. I never thought it would happen.

    Also, when was the last time you spoke to CD1, either by text or otherwise?



  345.  #346Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    I mean, before his latest contact, of course.



  346.  #347Lilly on October 22, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Ella-
    I am guessing that you do not have the full picture.
    Your situation while not exactly the same is in many ways similar to mine. I have had this gut feeling that
    something wasn’t right, and it wasn’t. He was with another women when he was pursuing me.

    This guy has already told you who he is. He is not ready. I know I am hardly one to give advice, considering my own situation sucks right now and I am struggling to know how to handle it, but I would cut him lose. Or at least date others.

    Thanks a bunch for posting this Allison story. This was a good one. I needed this today.



  347.  #348Lyka on October 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Ella, this is good:

    ‘I appreciate you offering me help with my business. And actually I feel romantically attracted to you. And I feel better with more regular contact with men I date.’

    But I would drop the last sentence and just ask him how he feels about that.



  348.  #349Ella on October 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Lilly,

    you said this guy has already told me who he is, and he is not ready. Just wondering how you think he has told me this?

    Just curious…

    xoxox



  349.  #350Lilybelly on October 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    315:

    VW~

    I am always amazed and in awe at how well you take care of yourself.

    Give yourself a hug from me!

    xoxo



  350.  #351Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    Hmm…. Ella, how many times have you dated this guy?

    I’m wondering if it’s too soon to give him the “romantically interested” thing? I know from my experience that guys have a different timeline to us girls, and he may still be in the “getting to know you so I can decide if I want more” phase, so this would possibly feel like pressure to him if he’s knowing you want more.

    I could be waaayyy off track here, so take or leave my advice as you see fit – I just wouldn’t be saying something like that if it’s still early on.

    Glad he eventually contacted you again though – and maybe that would’ve been a great time to say something like “It was so long since I last heard from you I felt worried (?) that I had said something wrong last time”, which of course is how you have been feeling right? Like you’ve said/done something to scare him off?

    Ok, going back to trying to find a way to get my mind off TH who is ignoring me… argh!



  351.  #352LILI 41 on October 22, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    340:

    I have a big smile on Lyka! 😀

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really warms my heart and does give me hope.

    D is coming over. His family came to town and asked him to meet them at his sister’s after work. She lives real close to his work. He had supper w them. He called me right after work at 5pm to let me know that they had just called. He hasn’t seen them in a month. He just called again to tell me that they didn’t want to let him go, but he told them that he had an important lady to see. He sounded real happy to say that 🙂

    Can’t believe after all the angry things I said to him last Sunday, he will not let go. You can’t say anything wrong to the right person.

    He does love me. I don’t think that I should totally shut the door in his face like I did. I will however keep my eyes peeled for other options and keep bringing the focus back to myself.

    I felt the need to soften up today. So I am wearing a real soft sweater, soft supple stretchy jeans, even soft sox!…Soft vanilla scented perfume…
    Then I come here and read Lyka’s story: Makes me feel all soft and mushy.

    You’re an angel Lyka. xox



  352.  #353English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    #337 Alias Girl

    Thank you for asking, I am really pleased with my hair!! I have had that many highlights over the years it was looking blonde all over and a little yellowy to be honest. 🙁

    So I got the girl to do some lowlights and she did loads of very fine ones and I was in there for over 3 hours (!!) but the result is well worth it. 😀

    I love it and I also bought 2 sexy new lacy bra’s on the way home too. 😀



  353.  #354English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    #339 Lyka

    Oh that is a lovely story!! Thank you so much for sharing, I love happy endings. 🙂



  354.  #355Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    And…. it’s over. TH has ended it. We’re finished. I feel like my best friend just died. He was such a huge part of my life for a year and a half and it hurts so so much…. I can’t stop crying, but I know I’ll get through this…. 🙁



  355.  #356Rori Raye on October 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Butterfly Wings – so sorry…and I know wonderful things are around the corner for you…that’s what I’ve always, and I mean always seen happen. Love, Rori



  356.  #357Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Thank you Rori. That means a lot. xx



  357.  #358VW on October 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Aww thank you Lilibelly and English Woman.

    Yes, this “bitch” has “awaken”…;) even if for one moment…is still worth it! my last nite attitude reminded me of a book i read a while back “why men love bitches”…lol

    warm hugs



  358.  #359alias girl lol on October 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    352 English Woman FANTASTIC!!!!! i feel very excited to read that. 🙂 good for you, lovely siren.



  359.  #360Starla on October 22, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    I spent the whole day focusing on me. I was asked out by THREE guys (including a 4th cd) this morning/afternoon for tonight…but i feel so set on ‘me’ time this weekend, I said no thanks to all of them.

    i went and got a brazilian blowout which tames my frizzy afro for a few months, and i bought 4 new hair barrettes to adorn my awesome new hair and 3 pairs of earrings and some new makeup. Everything was on sale today, and the blowout cost half what it usually does because i found a lady who owns her own salon so she doesn’t charge an arm and a leg for the pricier stuff. The universe is always smiling upon me:)



  360.  #361English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    #354 Butterfly Wings

    {{{ HUGS }}} I am sooo sorry you are going through this.

    Take care. xxx



  361.  #362VW on October 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Butterfly Wings…big warm loving hugs…:(



  362.  #363Starla on October 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    woah butterfly wings <3

    i'll be online all night if you need someone to 'listen' to you here.



  363.  #364VW on October 22, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Starla:

    yay, three guys asking u out on a Sat nite? wow…that’s cool sweetie!!! it’s happening isn’t?

    i too often desire my Sat to be without dates…:)

    warm hugs,



  364.  #365English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    #359 Starla

    😀



  365.  #366English Woman on October 22, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    OOooops #360 Starla



  366.  #367Starla on October 22, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Thanks VW:) I was feeling anxious all week without firmed up saturday night plans…and then saturday came and it was a flood! but i felt committed to ‘me’ time by then. next couple weekends should be pretty jam packed with romantic wonderfulness:):)



  367.  #368VW on October 22, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Starla…u last post feels soo wonderfully and encouraging!!! just awesome to see u happy and blooming 🙂

    warm hugs



  368.  #369Lilly on October 22, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Ella-
    Just a vibe I get. You said it didn’t feel good to you any more so you must be picking up on something.

    I read somewhere that a woman’s intuition is almost always the very best sign if something is wrong between her and a man. It is always right even if she doesn’t know what is wrong specifically, she just knows something isn’t right. That is certainly true in my case and seems true to me in yours.

    But I can’t say for absolute sure. Just a vibe I am getting.



  369.  #370Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Awww thank you so much everyone. I’ve kind of stopped crying now, although every now and then it starts again. I know this pain will go away, and I’m glad this happened now and not the day before my birthday or something. I’m not sure how I would’ve got through that day otherwise.

    In two weeks I’ll be feeling a lot better I’m sure – I certainly couldn’t be feeling worse than I am now…

    I have a meeting at work with him tomorrow – I’m sure that’ll be a barrel of laughs… 🙁

    The first time I “tried” (obviously not hard enough) to end things with him was only just over a month after we started seeing each other. Oh how different my life would be now if he’d gone away and stayed away…

    But I have learned a LOT from him, such as how to be more girlie, how to give up control (to some extent – I still need to work on this), how to lean back properly and how to receive (he’s bought me a LOT of gifts)…. I have him to thank for that.

    Meanwhile I’m still feeling mad at me for letting things go for as long as they did…



  370.  #371Lilly on October 22, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Thank you Tinque for your words of encouragement.
    :o)



  371.  #372Starla on October 22, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    A free recording of a webinar on changing habits. I love this website.
    http://zenhabits.net/habit-webinar/



  372.  #373Tiffany on October 22, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Hugs, {{{Butterfly Wings!}}}

    I’m enjoying reading everyone’s posts on here tonight…



  373.  #374Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Thanks Tiffany – I really appreciate you all right now. Nobody else knows it’s over with us and I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my sister when she called earlier.

    Mind you, she’s heard me saying it’s over a million times before, but this time I really FELT that it was over, and I also felt an overwhelming sense of loss. It was (and still is) an awful feeling…

    Argh! I so wish I was as mad at HIM as I am at me! I’m sure things would be easier if that were the case.

    I also wish I could just sleep and sleep until the pain is gone….

    I think my heart is broken… 🙁



  374.  #375Tiffany on October 22, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Congrats – was it Starla? – on turning down dates for “me” time! That’s a great choice!

    Though I can’t say that I am a fan of the “Saturday night at home” thing right at the moment. I am sitting at home with a glass of wine, texting one of my girl friends, who lives too far away to visit, and wishing I had a date for tonight. All day long, I was just hoping that something would come up and I wouldn’t spend the evening alone. Ah, well.

    But I did some nice things for myself. The wine, for one. Also, I took a nice walk, and did some painting – haven’t done that for a while!

    It’s 8 p.m. and I’ll probably make dinner, popcorn, and watch a movie. I guess “me” time.

    well, that’s okay. I do have to work a bit in the a.m….



  375.  #376Tiffany on October 22, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Aw, BW….yeah, I definitely know how that feels. It’s such a big difference between thinking and believing that a thing can be “over” – or maybe that it should be – and actually FEELING it in your gut. You just know and no one has to tell you. 🙁 And it feels yucky no matter how you slice it.

    But I love the imagery of the idea that when our hearts break, they break OPEN – open to more love, more goodness, more compassion, from ourselves and other people.

    I hope that all that good stuff is flowing into you right now! 🙂



  376.  #377Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Aww it felt good to read that Tiffany. And I do KNOW deep down that I will some day look back at today and be glad I went through this with TH.

    This is going to be a very difficult time for me for now though. It’s not like I can completely cut him out of my life. For starters, we see each other at work every day, and I also owe him money. Although thankfully I can do the transfers online…



  377.  #378Tiffany on October 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    Girls, I’ve been thinking of going back to OK Cupid. I’ve had my profile down for a while, but I’m beginning to feel the lack of even the possibility of someone contacting me on there – even if they didn’t very often before.

    I think I left both because there wasn’t a lot of action (ha!), and because the temptation was too great for me to read a guy’s profile and then feel like I wanted to send him a message. And of course I hate being the one to initiate. (Well, I hate it and I love it. Let’s just say I know it’s waaaayy better if I don’t 😉 )

    But there’s one problem. Someone on here – I forget who – in a previous thread, posted something about a guy who seemed disinterested in her after she told him about going through a bankruptcy.

    Well, I’m not exactly going through a bankruptcy. But actually, my financial situation is so bad that you could almost say it’s worse – I can’t even AFFORD to go through bankruptcy.

    I am so ashamed to admit this to ANYONE. I feel safe writing it here, because this is an anonymous blog. I’ve mentioned some of my personal worries to a few close friends, but no one – not my family (especially not my family), not my friends, not even people that I deal with financially – knows quite how bad my situation is.

    It is one of my greatest fears that a man will start to like me and as soon as he discovers that my finances are not all ship-shape, he is going to “ship out.”

    Of course I know, rationally, that the “right” guy, or kind of guy, is not going to do that. Heck, if anything, he’d probably want to help!!

    So what’s up with me?

    Oh, dear, I think I just figured it out.

    I’m giving myself an ultimatum. Like, I have to be in a good financial situation or I can’t date anyone. (Partly this is totally legit. I just don’t want to feel stressed about this.) But also, I want to feel UNDER CONTROL (not by him). And I don’t WANT him to help me.

    That’s it. I don’t want help.

    I want to “do” it all by myself.

    Strange thing is, I’m having trouble convincing myself that I *can* do it all by myself. And by “it” I mean get rid of my debt and also maintain a steady, reliable source of income so that I can feel safe(ish) and financially secure, or at least stable. And at best, totally, incredibly, mind-blowingly, abundantly wealthy.

    This is a big fear for me. A big desire and a big fear.

    I guess what I’m really trying to do is sort out this “sabotaging” problem I have, so that I don’t have to drag a guy through that pile of mud. On the other hand, I could just be using it as an excuse to “sabotage” all my chances at having a real and meaningful relationship. Oy.

    I have no idea what I’m doing, ladies. I feel tired. I think it’s probably a good thing I’m not going out tonight! but maybe I will revisit my OK Cupid profile again…I need to rewrite it, but who knows?

    Maybe I’ll find the “right” kind of guy, who doesn’t care what my financial situation is….



  378.  #379Butterfly Wings on October 22, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    Tiffany, if he’s the right kind of guy, your finances will mean nothing. He won’t care one little bit because it is YOU that he loves – not your money (or lack of).

    And like I’m feeling, if things are this bad for you right now, then the only way IS up, right? xx



  379.  #380VW on October 22, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    Tiffany:

    that was me who shared about bankrupcty…

    i feel curious why is not bankrupcty an option for u?

    money, beliefs around finances are strongly engrained in us…we have created many judgements about it…

    i didn’t not admit fully and allowed surrender in my life till a few months ago in June…

    my pride took a hit big time…i felt like a fraud…

    now, i feel sadness…at times i feel scared…
    but the key is changing my internal vibration and energy when it comes to feeling abundant and enough as i am…

    i am still not there…everyday is practice…

    i only shared my situation with 2 men i recently dated…

    first one, i didn’t’ hear from for 2 weeks after our date…
    the other, most recently, began treating me pretty bad verbally and emotionally…

    in the scheme of all…these men mirrored deep reflections of myself…still waiting to be healed…
    my own doubts and worries that i would succeed with my new career and plans for the future…
    sometimes i think i am crazy…:( to believe and hope the things i hope for…including a man to accept me fully and completely…

    and yet, i can’t fault them…they are human beings as i am…

    i can only work on me…the more healing i create for myself…and create the feeling of abundance as an authentic part of self…the more i would attract men who would match my internal vibration…

    i feel sad to hear about your experience…but as Butterfly nicely said…the only way is up …:)

    u are in the right place 🙂 thank you for sharing…

    warm hugs,



  380.  #381VW on October 22, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    wow…i just came across some letters from Rori…this is an exerpt from the letter back in January…i all just forgot ab it…

    and here, reading it once again, i feel sooo happy to have followed Rori’s advice to a T…u would be very proud of me Rori 🙂

    “Just keep doing what you’re doing and not doing what you’re not doing. Cut back even more. Let him do what he wants. Let him rant and rave when he’s upset about the same old things he blames for not paying you the attention you deserve. Don’t discuss it.

    Keep doing the “Oh, yeah, that feels awful…” (Feeling Messages, remember.) and then say you don’t want to talk about that anymore. He’s using his other problems as an excuse to not act like a man with you. Take that crutch away just by not participating in it.

    Don’t tell him what you think, don’t analyze, just be the sexy, busy, happy, easy-going girl you’re starting to be, and let him be who he is around you. Love, Rori”

    I feel happy ….having a date with myself tonite…enjoying having a refreshing course of Rori’s teachings 🙂



  381.  #382R.N.AmazingME on October 22, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    @310 awww Lili thank you, that is nice of you to point out I am proud and just happy that i have the ability to get a great job!!!Yay



  382.  #383Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 12:40 am

    Hi everyone. What an emotional day… I’ve been crying for half of it, and TH wanted to talk so we caught up for a couple of hours and I kept crying, and I could tell he felt awful… But it’s still over and in his words (and I think he’s right) this is for the best.

    He said I’d be better off without him and I know deep down that he’s right, but the overwhelming sense of grief has really hit me hard and I’m not sure how to handle it. Maybe I have more crying to do? I don’t know…

    On the upside of all of this, several of my girlfriends have rallied around me, all offering their love and support. I had no idea of how much I am loved by my friends until today, so now I’m crying even more because it means so much to me!

    I know this will take time to get over, and I know that I will soon look back and be ok about this ending. But until then I am going to miss him so much.

    He and I rarely had a day where we did not talk for hours online or he’d be over here or I’d be at his house – for a year and a half. And now that’s gone… 🙁 Sigh…..



  383.  #384Ella on October 23, 2011 at 2:39 am

    Butterfly Wings,

    Awww, honni.

    I just get the sense in a BIG way, that this man does not deserve you.

    Cry away, be very gentle with yourself.

    Do what you need to take care of you!

    I agree with Rori, I believe amazing things are literally around the corner. I reckon this is the last of the old patterns you are letting go.

    He gave you a gooad chance to practice and in the end he just was not a good enough man for you!

    Hugs. xxx



  384.  #385Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 2:48 am

    Ella, you’re echoing exactly what everyone is saying to me, and I suppose I kind of believe it, but at the same time, I’m wondering “IS there better?” when I know there is, but am I going to get that? Oh I don’t know.

    I suppose I’m having my own little pity party here (popcorn and all) and wondering when this isn’t going to hurt so much…. 🙁

    He sent me a message earlier telling me to “try to relax” (yeah right), and that he’d talk to me tomorrow. Huh? I was hoping we could avoid each other as much as possible tomorrow!

    I’ve decided that tomorrow I will NOT wear mascara to work – I think that could just get waaayyy too messy!

    I want this pain to go away…. 🙁



  385.  #386Ella on October 23, 2011 at 3:01 am

    Well Sirens,

    CD1 and I have been out twice, and had quite a lot of phone calls and texts.

    He has backed off a little this last week.

    He was the one talking of building a relationship etc…
    He is also the one I reached out to in an emotional state when I was hurting because of my business issues.

    I could hazard a guess that he might feel a little bit pressured, ie: scared in case I think he is responsible for my emotions or sorting out my problems.

    I don’t.

    Yes maybe a softer response from me would be good.

    I’ve just been being real…

    Last night he text me about finding someone to help me with my business, and I text back full of enthusiasm and appreciation, and then nothing. Then a weird text a few hours later kinda listing what he was doing with his evening. He does this a lot, sends me information about what he is doing, lol.

    Awww, its kinda cute.

    Except it felt weird getting that text last night, with no reference to the previous text or anything we had been talking about. I feel disconnected.

    I text him back ‘Hey hon, I feel a little weird recieving your text. I feel disconnnected.’

    No response which I kinda expected.

    Yeah he could def be in the ‘getting to know you’ phase, well we both are, and it could be feeling a bit intense for him. Or any number of things could be going on that I don’t know about. Well that is his business.

    I guess he’ll be back when he feels safe again and realises I do not think he is responsible for making me happy.

    It seems maybe he is not able to ‘catch’?? Possibly.

    Anyway its all good. I don’t feel embarresed about expressing my emotions to him.

    I may just re-focus now.

    Back on me, my life, dating, work, there is a lot for me to focus on.

    I like him AND I am not too bothered either way.

    He is ok…

    Blah.



  386.  #387Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 3:03 am

    Yay you Ella! You seem happier today, which is good. 🙂



  387.  #388Ella on October 23, 2011 at 3:06 am

    CD2 has flowed out for now.

    I don’t mind!!

    🙂

    POF guys looking good.

    I’m feeling alright.



  388.  #389Ella on October 23, 2011 at 3:15 am

    BW yeah I am,

    And I do still always feel a bit vulnerable when I express my emotions with guys I like.

    And the old NVs can start chattering.

    I demoted CD1 in my head yesterday… and then he text about the business idea.

    I may go back to thinking about him as just a random older guy, who I can CD if I want to.

    When I first met him I felt kinda blah about him.

    This could be ok.



  389.  #390Ella on October 23, 2011 at 3:18 am

    I feel good today.

    Yay.



  390.  #391Ella on October 23, 2011 at 3:22 am

    BW re 385,

    Awww, hon. I so know how that feels!

    And YES – there IS better out there. If we can be strong enough to say NO to what isn’t quite it…

    I know how scary that feels.

    You are doing great. Honestly.

    So what if you need to cry a bucket or two… its fine to be in pain sometimes… (although I know it is not bunch of roses when you are in it).

    When you start to feel better, and you will, it will feel like the sunshine streaming back in…

    And you will feel stronger.

    And there will be space for something new.

    Hugs.

    xoxox



  391.  #392Ella on October 23, 2011 at 3:25 am

    I just got a trail shift at a local pub in a nice village I like!

    Yaaaaayyyy!

    So if that comes through it could ease the financial pressure a bit…

    I feel happy.

    And working on promoting my classes.

    I have a feeling everything is going to be ok.



  392.  #393Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 3:37 am

    Oh congratulations Ella! I know things are going to work out just fine for you. And if I lived over there, I’d definitely join your Zumba class (I’d be the one who can never keep up!)! 🙂

    I know I’ll be feeling better in a week. What makes it so hard for me though is that we work together, and I see him every single day. Luckily though his desk is not near mine and I can avoid him most days. But tomorrow afternoon we have a meeting scheduled… eeek…

    I just hope my feelings for him fade FAST!



  393.  #394Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 3:40 am

    Lili 41 and EW – Thanks, I’m feeling like I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I can say that no matter what happens, I’ll always have him to love and support me and vice versa. I just want him to be the happiest man in the world.

    Oh, one more thing I forgot to say last night (and I’m not making this up): F will give me the (white) car he’s using now and buy a new (black) one for himself when I get my driver’s license. He had actually planned on getting a new car and wanted to use the white car as a “winter car” only and get a new one. The white car is in very good condition, comfortable and sexy and he says he will make sure I always have good winter tires so he feels confident I am safe on our not so great winter roads here.

    Seriously, ladies, I still can’t quite believe this is all happening to me! We spoke on the phone last night and I told him (again) how grateful I was to have him in my life. We were really meant to be together. I felt it from the start even though I wasn’t quite sure I was going to be able to wait for him and see him only once a month. But there’s such a strong connection between us that I felt I just couldn’t let him go.



  394.  #395Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 3:42 am

    Ella, this is great! Feels lovely to read that! Congrats!



  395.  #396Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 3:42 am

    Lyka, your story gives me hope. Thank you so much for sharing. xxx



  396.  #397Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 3:44 am

    Amazing Me…errr, excuse me….I mean RN Amazing Me, congrats to you too for passing your test!



  397.  #398Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 3:46 am

    BW, thank you so much. If it happened to me, it can happen to you too!



  398.  #399Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 3:55 am

    I hope you’re right Lyka! 😉



  399.  #400Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 4:04 am

    I think I am, except I didn’t wait for him to make a move on me, I made a move on him. That’s why I said before I didn’t act in a sireny way like you ladies do and felt a little weird sharing my story here.

    But apart from that, I am trying really hard to act like a siren otherwise and he seems to be responding very well.



  400.  #401Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 4:10 am

    You know what Lyka? I love what Rori teaches, but I don’t think it’s written in stone, if you know what I mean?

    Sometimes we do need to reach out a little to get what we want, then switch into “lean back” mode and let things happen from there for it to work, and you’re proof of that so yay to you! 🙂

    I know I did a lot of things the wrong way with TH and although I leaned back most of the time, there were other times when I just HAD to get the control back and it backfired in a huge way for me because I just couldn’t let that control go.

    Big lesson for me there.

    On an interesting front, a former CD has contacted me on FB after seeing a heap of my friends offering me support to ask if I was ok. We’re meeting up for a couple of beers week after next. He has a girlfriend now and is such a lovely, sweet guy. And NO WAY is he my type. At all. In fact, I do NOT want any kind of future from him other than friendship.

    I hope by accepting I’m not leading him on. That really bothers me….



  401.  #402Ella on October 23, 2011 at 4:16 am

    You know when you are communicating with a man on POF by e-mail and he has been initiating the contact and then you ask a question, because you feel curious and he replies to the question, but doesn’t ask any more questions are do anything to carry the conversation on…

    What do you do?

    Do you make some kind of reply, which feels like work and picking up the slack in some ways… or do you just leave it and not reply.

    Example:

    A man contacted me on POF he said some compliments, I replied with a positive FM, then he asked what I am doing…

    I told him and then I asked him… and said ‘… just curious…’

    He replies with what he is doing and kisses.

    Should I reply to this? Isn’t it his job to carry the conversation?

    Thanks Sirens.



  402.  #403Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 5:13 am

    Hmm.. is there any way you can respond to what he said he’s doing? Such as commenting about how interesting it is, or asking him to clarify, or even just a “sounds like fun!” type response??

    Not sure about that one…. It depends on what he said he was doing I suppose!?



  403.  #404Ella on October 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    There is no relationship here, there is no relationship here, there is no relationship here…

    Yep, ok, got it!

    Lol.

    Starla & others can I join the man crack support team pls?

    In other news I may be going on a date from POF tonight… if I get enough work done in time.

    I am kinda procrastinating.

    Not esp looking forward to this date.

    But I am looking forward to the free therapy.

    BW – Re the e-mail query – yes I could repsond. I think I asked him what he was up to last night… and he replied this morning with something like ‘Was out for drinks with some mates. xxx’

    If I do respond I will say something like. ‘Aw sounds fun. I decided to have a quiet one, which felt nice’

    Or something…

    xxx



  404.  #405Butterfly Wings on October 23, 2011 at 5:27 am

    Yeah that sounds good Ella. 🙂

    Enjoy your date tonight, even if you’re not overly fussed!



  405.  #406English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 5:56 am

    Well ladies I did the chat thing last night on POF, first time ever lol!!

    And it was OK none of them jumped out of my laptop at me. 😀

    Anyway I was bored and it whiled a way a bit of time.

    Sooo Lyka I am interested to how you met F, he sounds just lovely BTW, did you contact him first on a dating site or something?



  406.  #407English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 6:02 am

    Reading the stories of bankruptcy and money worries resonates with me, well I am not bankrupt or don’t have any massive debts or anything, but I am just living pay to pay with nothing left over at the end of the month. 🙁

    And living as a single woman since my divorce has pretty much wiped out any savings, well that and moving country to country and being unemployed.

    It would feel soooo good to share this burden with a man, not exactly as in take care of me, though that would be nice, but just somebody who was paying half of everything would be great so at least I would have half of my pay left at the end of the month.

    Sometimes I feel so alone in the world ya know even though I have family here, but say something is wrong with my car (which it is) or a piece of flat pack furniture is sitting on my floor because I have no idea of how to put it together (which it is) it would be great to have a man come in, take charge of all this stuff and let me just sit here and paint my nails. 😀



  407.  #408Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 6:27 am

    EW – #406:

    I met F through a phone dating site last March. The way it works is that I recorded a message to which guys can listen to and leave a reply. The funny thing is I recorded that message in October 2010 and somehow ignored/forgot about it after a while since the men leaving replies didn’t sound interesting. I actually only met one guy at the end of October but he was just not my type. I don’t know about you, but I hate it when a guy keeps his baseball cap on throughout dinner. And to me, baseball caps are for three-year olds, not 43-year olds, know what I mean?

    Then I had some health issues in January 2011 and just couldn’t be bothered with dating anyone at the time.

    So at the end of March, I “remembered” I still had a message and decided to check out my voice mail on the system. I had over 15 messages from guys on there but the one that really jumped out at me was F’s since he sounded like my type of guy and furthermore, mentioned that he kind of looked like Robert Plant. His message dated back from December, actually. He left his phone number so I called him and that’s when he said he was already in New Brunswick working on the bridge but would be interested in meeting me in two weeks when he would return from NB. We talked on the phone during these two weeks and when we met in person on April 16th, things clicked right away and the rest is history! 🙂



  408.  #409English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 6:35 am

    #408 Lyka

    Wow how lovely, sounds like it was meant to be, I am so happy for you and you have given me hope. 🙂

    I only want one. 😀



  409.  #410English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Somebody on POF mentioned he was heading over to a new site, it’s called Smooch, I just checked it out and it seems to be free……….I have only tentatively joined as yet with no detail or pic as I joined a few others previously spending ages on questions, profiles, etc. then when you get an email you can’t read it until you have paid a subscription, so yes some ARE free to join but not really free if you see what I mean ggrrrrrr………

    But this Smooch seems to be legit…..so far……I thought it was UK only but it must be world wide as the drop down box asks which country you are in.



  410.  #411Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 6:52 am

    EW, yes, it was meant to be, that’s exactly what I think.

    So did you get to make plans to meet someone from those chats on POF last night?



  411.  #412Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 6:53 am

    And you will get one too! How could you not? You’re doing everything there is to be done for it to happen!



  412.  #413R.N.AmazingME on October 23, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Good day sirens!! I am looking for inspiration today just cannot seem to find it quite yet. I don’t know what to do, I leaned forward with my guy and invited him and his daughter to a halloween party we are having for kids and since his daughter is 6….I am an idiot but I cannot help but want to show this guy what he is missin, I shouldn’t care, I DO NOT WANT TO CARE…cannot help it sometimes i just get tired of fighting the urge. I am not a Rori icon at the moment, lots of things to work on! At least now I can relax, work, and have more of a life now that school is done! XOXOXOXO



  413.  #414Mel on October 23, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Butterfly Wings,

    Big Hugs!

    “He said I’d be better off without him and I know deep down that he’s right, but the overwhelming sense of grief has really hit me hard and I’m not sure how to handle it. ”

    This is almost exactly what happened with my ex husband. For whatever reason, he just knew that he couldn’t/didn’t want to step up. I like to think though, that he loved me so much that he just couldn’t keep hurting me…he had to let me go so that I could have the happiness I deserve. He, too, told me that I would be better off without him. At the time, I felt no comfort in that… but now I truly believe him. I was so numb the past year of our marriage that I wasn’t feeling ANYTHING- especially happiness. I am finally starting to feel more alive again. I had forgotten what happiness felt like. I feel more “myself” now than I have in years.

    Architect is right… I AM the healed “original” Mel.

    You’ll get through this BW! Good idea about the mascara though… I learned that the hard way! Sometimes, I’d just close my office door and sob. Or take my lunch out to the park by myself and eat it overlooking the river, letting the tears flow. The tears were cleansing though. They helped the numbness go away. Just let yourself cry if you feel like it!

    I also get your confusion/annoyance about him wanting to be friendly and talk and such. For me, this just made things feel worse. I found it nearly impossible to be his friend during the breakup. My feelings of resentment toward him were just too strong. Perhaps someday, I’ll be able to sit down and have a coffee with my old best friend… but for now it feels best to not see or talk to each other.

    I’m here for ya if you need someone to talk to!

    Mel
    xoxo



  414.  #415Mel on October 23, 2011 at 7:04 am

    English Woman,

    I am sooooo happy to read about you CDing! Have you met anyone that you’ve been in communication with online? Even just emailing feels good though, doesn’t it?!



  415.  #416Mel on October 23, 2011 at 7:05 am

    Yay Lyka!

    Happy to read your story! 🙂



  416.  #417Mel on October 23, 2011 at 7:07 am

    Tinque,

    Question…

    Muscle cramps during and after ballet. Especially in the calves and toes. Am I deficient in something? Bananas were recommended (potassium) but this isn’t quite doing the trick. Ideas?



  417.  #418LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 7:08 am

    400:

    Hi Lyka,

    Rori also says that we have to learn how to “dance” in the relationship bubble. It’s OK to lean forward sometimes, but just not all the time…it’s knowing when it’s time to lean forward and when it’s time to lean back, hence “dancing”.

    She also teaches us to do what feels right. You did lean forward, but then he leaned forward in turn and you just leaned back and receive all of what he is giving. You are doing the dance beautifully.
    For sure you did something right if he feels so good giving to you. Having a man that will take care of you like that: Giving you a car and making sure you are safe w winter tires and all…Wow!



  418.  #419English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 7:10 am

    No Lyka and Mel,

    I haven’t actually met anybody yet lol!! But I am on the right path, one guy wants to meet me in 2 weeks when he gets back from Afghanistan and you know what even though he is only 43 I will do that because I have enormous respect for our troops and I will give him the gift of spending time with a lovely Siren. 😀



  419.  #420LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 7:24 am

    D told me that he felt neglected bc I never lean forward. I believe there has to be a good balance between leaning forward and leaning back, between giving and receiving.
    We need to lean way back at 1st lo learn to receive, bc usually most of us do too much leaning forward.

    D did soooo much for me the 1st year we were together. I never gave back. There was a very big imbalance in the leaning forward and leaning back from my part. I was great at receiving, but lowsy at giving back.

    That’s how he ended up treating me the way he is now, not taking the relationship seriously…then I started to do all the leaning forward.

    Since last summer, he’s be thinking “Who are you girl?” Totally leaning back 1 year, then totally leaning forward the next. At this point, I would just like to find the good balance between the 2 like Lyka did.

    D is great practice and great learning no matter how the relationship turns out.

    He was totally giving last night. S*x was not good. I said that I have a hard time getting into it when I don’t feel good in a relationship, when I don’t feel connected.
    I feel good about that FM. Now he knows that I need a good connected relationship if he wants the candy. He can’t have the candy without the relationship.
    I cooked him a big breakfast this morning bc I felt like having it myself, and learning how to do the dance.

    Btw, still keeping my eyes open to other options through this learning experience w D…keeping him out of my gym space (great cd’ing spot) 😉



  420.  #421LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Big hug ((((Butterfly Wings)))).

    As you know already, He will be your blessing in disguise in a few weeks. You’ll especially know that when you meet the next guy…the next is always better than the last.



  421.  #422Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Thanks, Mel! 🙂

    Lili 41, I know, it sounds incredible, doesn’t it? He told me that since he has never really been in a real relationship, he felt comfortable “spoiling” me like that. I know I will never be able to give him the same material things he is giving me, but I plan on doing other things to make things even, in a manner of speaking.

    Also, I feel that I don’t really have to lean back with him, he’s very conciliant, easy going and open minded on a lot of things. I don’t feel like he will run away if I actually lean forward. He doesn’t know about that “technique”, actually. I’m just doing what feels natural to me.



  422.  #423LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 7:39 am

    I had been feeling sorry for myself that no one is calling looking for me apart from D, my mom and my brother…I have no friends to go out with.

    My 2 close friends are now in comitted relationships, 1 is even married and moved a 7hour drive away.

    1 of them stepped up and told me she would like us to go out dancing w me. Allthough she is in a wonderful comitted relationship, she misses going out dancing w the girls. She will not put herself aside for any man, even her now Mr Perfectly Right.

    D doesn’t like it when I go out dancing by myself, bc he knows I get attention from men. Good for him. He wouldn’t have anything to worry about if I was happy in a comitted relationship. But as I am not, I’m open to any interesting guy who approaches me.



  423.  #424Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Well, Lili, that’s his problem. He should be paying attention to YOU if he doesn’t want other men to approach you. Maybe he’ll snap out of it when you meet someone who really cares for you. But then again, maybe it’ll be too late for him…



  424.  #425LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 7:58 am

    422:

    Like Rori says: You can never say or do the wrong thing to the right man.

    Lyka, your story is the same as my brother’s: He was a long distance truck driver when he met is gf. They met on Match, and turned out she lived only 2 street corners away from him.
    He was away from home 3 weeks at a time.
    She moved in his house. She felt unworthy and uncomfortable at 1st. She was having money issues and she felt bad like she was taking advantage of him enjoying his house while he was away 3 weeks at a time, and was only home for 2 days then would go back for another 3 weeks.
    She would tell me “He’s so good to me, I don’t know how I could ever repay him or even thank him enough”.
    But my brother told her that he was so happy coming home to warm smile and a warm hug w homecooked meals.

    So Lyka, you will make things even by keeping a warm loving home for him to come back to. No money required.

    My brother is so happy and in love, that he kept his job to help her out while she was in school. He bought her a new small car to drive to school and part-time work.
    Once she was out of school and working full time, he found a lower paying job that he can come home on Wednesday night for supper, leave the next morning and come back on Friday night for the whole weekend.
    This woman is so devoted to him, there’s nothing she wouldn’t do for him, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her. It’s a beautiful dance of leaning forward and back, forward and back.



  425.  #426English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Mel

    Did you do the chat thing on POF?

    Just had one guy try to chat name of pleaseyou69 I think not lol!!



  426.  #427English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 8:04 am

    #425 LILI 41

    I feel all warm and fuzzy reading all these love stories on here. 🙂

    Thank you.



  427.  #428Mel on October 23, 2011 at 8:11 am

    English Woman,

    I never went on POF… There was a little “mental block” setting up a profile there, since that was the site that my Ex husband was using while we were still married. I have “chatted” with men on Match though. It can be fun! I don’t know about POF… but the Match chat window was super buggy and kept freezing my computer. I preferred to just email back and forth and then invite the quality ones to chat with me on MSN, gmail, or text me on my phone. I found it fairly easy to weed out the creepies by having a few email exchanges. They have trouble holding back! LOL

    Keep us updated! I know you’ll for sure meet some interesting quality men. Even if they’re just stepping stones.

    xoxo



  428.  #429LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 8:22 am

    423:

    Will cd myself and take care of myself by taking the opportunity to make friends to spend time with.

    It’s hard, bc right now I’m so absorbed in my job. That’s another pattern I need to break free from.

    For some reason this morning I’m seeing the opportunities of making friends that I didn’t see before:

    There is my best buddy in college that I lost touch with for years now. I’ve been thinking about her all these years (20 years). I met someone last summer that by coincidence is a business contact of her father. She said she would call the girl’s father to give him my phone # and ask her to call me. I haven’t heard anything.
    Now that I know how to reach her parents, I will take matters into my own hands and call them. I spent a lot of time w them at their home while I was in college so far away from my own family. I miss them.

    I also have another friend who I lost contact w bc at the end she began having dr*g issues and was very self centered. I tried to help her, but after a while I couldn’t handle it, so I had to let go.
    I saw her on fb last summer. She seems to have her life back together. She has a new bf and hosted a picnic to celebrate 2 years of sobriety. Whe reached out to me, but I was so self absorbed w my issues w D. Now would be a good time to reach back at her, and a good way to put the focus off of D and on me.

    Another opportunity for friendship came along Friday. A former coworker my age, stopped by to say Hi at work. I was out of my office, but she left me a note on my desk on a big bright yellow paper saying “I would really love to get news from you, things seem to be turning out really good for you at work, call me anytime.” She lives 10 minutes from my place. I really liked her and was sad to see her leave when she resigned.

    I felt sorry for myself a couple of week ago for not having friends, for not having anyone reaching out to me. But now I see these 2 friends that did reach out to me, and all these other opportunities for me to reach out to. And I see that reaching out to these people is a way of taking care of myself, of focusing on myself and take all the focus off of D.

    I also see friends as an opportunity to practice FMs.



  429.  #430Tiffany on October 23, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Oh, My. Do I feel silly now.

    Last night, at about 10 p.m., as I was getting ready for bed, I realized that I had *totally* forgotten that there was a birthday party last night for a friend of mine. Not an especially close friend, mind you. But I feel super silly now for feeling lonely, since, all day, I had this possible party to go to! lol. But when I really thought about it, I realized that part of me also just wanted time alone. And I was TIRED! By 8 p.m. I started feeling sleepy. So it was all just as well. I told myself it was all going to be okay, and I went to sleep.

    xoxo



  430.  #431LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 8:29 am

    427:

    I feel so fortunate to have these successful love stories all around me to inspire me.

    These successful people have all been through the rough spots that we may all be in now. They are all proof that anything is possible for any one of us.

    I love sharing them to inspire all Sirens as they inspire me.



  431.  #432English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Mel

    You have been such an inspiration to me on here. I think you have the right attitude to this online dating, it is just fun right?

    And oh yes the creepy ones and the dirty talk ones do show themselves up pretty quickly lol!!

    I don’t feel as hung up about it as I once did and am now off to check out Smooch properly. 🙂



  432.  #433LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 9:15 am

    One more…DEDICATED TO ALL SIRENS WHO FEEL THAT THEY ARE NOT READY BC OF THEIR CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES, be it money or anything else:

    It’s a man’s side of the story, but is noteworthy for any woman. Read it once putting yourself in the man’s shoes, then read it again putting yourself in the woman’s shoes:

    A friend’s father, was a happy-go-lucky outgoing social type of man who enjoyed travelling and being with people.
    His wife, my friend’s mother was the total opposite. She did not like to travell and was mean and cold to people. She liked to stay home.
    They fell in love when they were young when he had the opportunity to be her hero and save her from a bad situation.
    Throughout their entire married life, he had been holding out on living the life he always wanted to live, to stay w her, take care of her and make her happy.
    He gave up his own happiness to live life the way she wanted. He would not travel, not go out, not practice any of his fun activities. His whole life was centered on her.
    Allthough he was always smiling and joking, his kids always felt sorry for him.
    She got terminally ill with cancer in her sixties due to chainsmoking all her adult life. She passed away within months.
    Just 1 month after her funeral, he got diagnosed with colon cancer. He had it removed, then had to live on w a bag attached to him always, to collect and extract the bowel. While he was in chemotherapy, he moved in with his son and his family.
    His son felt sorry for him, seeing his father live the rest of his life not in his own home, alone. What woman would want a man dependant on his son, not living on his own, with a bag attached to him…maybe sick for the rest of his life. What woman would be attracted to him now, he thought.
    His son would take him to his summer cottage on a camp ground every weekend, where he himself had kept his own cottage right next door. The son felt worried he would have to keep a close watch on his father and have to take care of him a lot.
    Well, well, the father being so cheerful and charming, met a cute widow on the campground. She didn’t care about his situation. She didn’t need a man to take care of her. She could take care of herself financially and physically, had her own house.
    She fell in love w him bc of his sunny disposition.
    They would be w the whole family, and it was like nobody else existed outside their relationship, they would stare into each other’s eyes so lovingly.
    The son walked in his dad’s cottage without knocking and caught them n*ked having s*x. She didn’t care about the bag, she was still attracted to him bc of his personality. The son didn’t knock at the door before coming in, bc he would never in a million years imagine that there would be anything to interrupt…He would never expect his father to have a real gf and have s*x under his circumstances.

    The man said to his son “I loved your mother very dearly”, but at 64, this is the 1st time of my life that I ever experienced such deep loving affection with a woman.

    The woman took him travelling all over, took him to her home to spend time. She would take him to all the parties they were ever invited to. He was never home and was living the life he had always wanted…at 64, w a bag attached to him, w medication to take daily, w no home of his own.

    PUTTING OURSELVES IN THE DEARLY DEPARTED WIFE’S SHOES:
    Would we really want to force a man to be what WE want and make him miss out on the life he really wants? Better to let him be how he wants to be and give up control. If it doesn’t suit us, best we move on and let him be happy in his own way. Would we want to make someone miserable by forcing them to live a life they don’t want? Makes me really think seriously about my wanting to control.

    PUTTING OURSELVES IN THE MAN’S SHOES:

    ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE !!! No matter our circumstances, it’s all about what we ourselves feel about ourselves and that we deserve what we want out of life.



  433.  #434LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 9:25 am

    I FORGOT…PUTTING OURSELVES IN THE WIDOW’S SHOES:

    He plans and books all the trips, insists on driving the car wherever they’re going, he will not have her drive. Now that he doesn’t have a mortgage to worry about, he can pay for everything even if she can afford it. SHE LETS HIM BE A MAN, eventhough she can take care of herself just fine and doesn’t need a man.



  434.  #435Ella on October 23, 2011 at 9:39 am

    EW re 406,

    Yay!

    It can be quite fun can’t it!

    lad they didn’t jump out the laptop at you… and you know what… they won’t jump out the phone either.

    😉



  435.  #436LILI 41 on October 23, 2011 at 9:48 am

    435:

    Funny Ella. 😀 lol. Really like that expression…won’t jump out the laptop at ya.

    Reminds me, gotta get off my b*tt and off to a new health food store. Don’t have much time for cooking healthy, but found a health store that has already made healthy meals made with organic foods, no artificial preservatives or chemicals of any kind.
    I found another one I am going to right now.



  436.  #437Ella on October 23, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Just joining in with the conversation about leaning forward versus leaning back.

    They way I understand it Rori encourages us to lean back the majority of the time…

    And this certainly feels better to me.

    The occastional lean forward (giving back) is necessary and refreshing…

    That is how it is for me.

    xoxox



  437.  #438Ella on October 23, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Hmmm, I think CD1 MIGHT be reading here…

    Not sure, just something he said.

    Not sure how I feel about that…



  438.  #439Emerson on October 23, 2011 at 9:51 am

    I feel a bit bad about myself at the moment, because I’ve realized that I don’t “feel happy” for people when I hear happy love stories or success stories about people in love…I feel skeptical, jealous, and actually just feel generally empty about it. Like yawning and rolling my eyes. 🙁 I feel sad that this is how I feel. I WANT TO feel warm and fuzzy and inspired, but I don’t. 🙁



  439.  #440Ella on October 23, 2011 at 9:52 am

    Well CD1 called and we had a good conversation.

    It felt good to hear from him and I told him so.

    Don’t think I am going to make it to my date with new CD tonight, too much work still to do.

    I want to finish a job to collect some money tomorrow.

    However I am going to re-schedule with him.

    He seems nice and has been texting lots and didn’t mind that I was a bit flaky about the date today.

    So far it feels good.

    Have another one too who went a bit OTT with messaging and texting me, till I told him I felt overwhelmed with so many messages, and I will get back to him when I know when I am free…



  440.  #441Esteemed on October 23, 2011 at 9:56 am

    SLV,

    RE: 251 – Ouch, That feels bad to hear. I was reaching out to you in love, in the face of some harsh comments addressed both tome and other people. It feels really bad to have it thrown back in my face with an insult. I feel like I was just knifed right in the heart.



  441.  #442Esteemed on October 23, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Lili,

    Re: #443- I really enjoyed that story! It reminds me of my mother. She is 79, in a wheelchair, Incontinent following surgery on her small intestine, And overweight.

    I will be sure to share that story with her!



  442.  #443Starla on October 23, 2011 at 10:02 am

    I am leaning back completely this weekend, including not diverting from my own desires to spend time alone so that I don’t miss out on time with a guy, but i feel a little nervewracked over it today…

    like Crack Fix must be thinking “ohh she needs SPACE” instead of “ohh I should really make plans in advance.”

    But I am also feeling at a very basic, deep level that this won’t ruin anything between us. We like each other so much that a week of sparse contact isn’t going to change that.

    and in the past, with other guys, this would turn into drama…and it would color the evolution of our relationship.

    but here we have no drama. and it feels hella uncomfortable because it’s not what i’m used to and i can’t control things if i’m not manipulating them or keeping them activated with drama.

    so here our relationship is evolving into something beautiful, and though it’s painful and uncomfortable for us to be apart, we are going to get through this with no blaming, no resentment, no drama…

    gosh, every time i feel uncomfortable and upset, and i sit down to write about it here, i just come out the other side feeling positive and blessed for the situation.

    now i just want to lean forward to tell Crack Fix how wonderful I think he is.

    But I won’t:P

    I’ll tell him the next time I see him hehe



  443.  #444VW on October 23, 2011 at 10:06 am

    LILI #433:

    Wow…thank u so much for sharing this story…soooo beautiful…sooo inspiring and uplifting…and soooo true!!!!

    thank u 🙂

    warm hugs,



  444.  #445Emerson on October 23, 2011 at 10:09 am

    I feel jealous of other sirens that are able to feel inspired and happy for others and their love stories. Right now I don’t feel that way, and I feel fear that I’m just so f*&%ed up that I have a black heart. 🙁



  445.  #446Emerson on October 23, 2011 at 10:11 am

    I leaned forward and contacted Recycled…he called me back but then acted rushed and like he didn’t want to be talking to me. then why even call me back???? I kept it light and let him off the phone without telling him how I felt. (i.e., feeling stuffer). Now feeling angry.



  446.  #447Ella on October 23, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Emerson re 439,

    Oww, I can be like that too sometimes.

    I am pleased for people and I am not going to worry about that cynical part of me.

    Suspicious old gal she can be, that part of me!

    xoxox



  447.  #448Ella on October 23, 2011 at 10:15 am

    ((((Emerson)))))

    You’re just in the pit hon…. Surrounded by NVs.

    No beating yourself up.

    I was there a few days ago.

    We are all f9cked up, and we are all lovely and amazing.

    xoxox



  448.  #449Ella on October 23, 2011 at 10:17 am

    ((((Esteemed)))) re 441

    Hmmm, I noticed too…

    SLV – not getting at you, I happen to think you are great, and for me I felt the same way as Esteemed.

    xoxox



  449.  #450Emerson on October 23, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Thanks Ella 🙂



  450.  #451Daria on October 23, 2011 at 10:19 am

    i didnt see the first woman as controlling him. she can’t force him to stick around

    he loved her and wanted to be with her, so he stuck around. sounds like masculine man behavior



  451.  #452Ella on October 23, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Starla re 433

    Like button!

    🙂



  452.  #453Ella on October 23, 2011 at 10:22 am

    CD1 talks a lot about other women in his life…

    It feels icky. I expect soon I will say something. As usual feels risky and I will if it continues to bother me…

    Or maybe he can just read it here! He he.

    Hmmm,

    I don’t like hearing about other women in a man’s life, it just doesn’t feel romantic, courting behaviour.

    I wonder why men tell us about other women??



  453.  #454Daria on October 23, 2011 at 10:22 am

    i don’t believe in any lean forward really

    giving back to me is not the same as leaning forward

    water wheel going up from me spilling on him is leaning forward

    waterwheel coming towards me and drips and love wafting out of my open hands is giving back

    dancing is the man leading and me following



  454.  #455Lilly on October 23, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Emerson re:445

    You don’t have a black heart at all. None of us do unless we are mentally ill or something like that.

    I think jealousy is a natural human emotion. It’s not that we don’t want to feel glad for someone else’s good fortune or happiness. No, it’s just we have a hole in our soul or heart and maybe we have been so wounded from life that somehow it just feels like we will never heal it. So we get depressed or whatever and
    down on ourselves and wallow in self pity and say things to our selves like ” I will never have THAT-like she does” or whatever. It is self defeating. Ick.

    We we have a good life, then it is way easier I think
    to not be jealous of others. Just my two cents worth.
    But I do not believe you have a black heart. No way.



  455.  #456Lilly on October 23, 2011 at 10:32 am

    I mean “WHEN we have a good life, etc” darn typos-drat!



  456.  #457Lilly on October 23, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Ella-

    Good question! Why DO men tell us about other women? To seem attractive and desirable or make us think that they are? I think this may be part of it.

    What they do not realize is that when they do this-it has the opposite effect. Makes us insecure. Gee buddy if you have so many women who think you are all that-then why are you here? Go be with those other gals. Icky to me.

    This is what my man has done. Story after story of past ex’s, girlfriends, etc. Told me HE had never been dumped in his whole life. Uh, ok. So that makes you
    special? Not really. I have never in my life been dumped by a man either. So what?



  457.  #458Esteemed on October 23, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Ella, ty!



  458.  #459Esteemed on October 23, 2011 at 10:44 am

    I wonder why boys have penises?



  459.  #460Daria on October 23, 2011 at 10:46 am

    i like the image of a black heart… feels powerful and deep



  460.  #461Daria on October 23, 2011 at 10:49 am

    i didnt really feel moved too much by the stories

    what inspired me was the man who stayed with the woman who was cold and mean

    i mean i feel so happy and glad about my love life that i don’t feel all excited reading about other people’s like it’s my salvation or hope

    i felt judgemental at times

    i feel afraid

    i also did feel smily and happy at times



  461.  #462Daria on October 23, 2011 at 10:51 am

    reagarding other women… Hawkman has gotten in touch with me and told me (again) that he hasn’t slept with anyone else

    i feel turned off

    i don’t want to hear about it, it’s like hearing about other women or soemthing

    it’s not like i want him to be with other women (i don’t think i care as long as i don’t know about it)

    and i just feel pressured and turned off hearing about it and kinda mad too



  462.  #463Daria on October 23, 2011 at 10:54 am

    ohhh writing those first 2 comments i just tried to show how “different” (and awesome i am)

    i was not really writing for ME

    aha!

    thanks for noticing



  463.  #464English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Emerson

    You do not have a black heart, you are just having a black day/week, we all have them, so wallow in it and get angry and cry and do whatever it takes……

    I like to play the Abraham game of “Wouldn’t it be nice if………….” after I have had my little rant and rave, not to be confused with rock and roll. 😀



  464.  #465English Woman on October 23, 2011 at 11:00 am

    #457 Lilly

    I think half of it is in their head and they do it to try and impress, thinking it will convince you that you have landed a good catch like a big marlin not a little sprat. 😀

    I was on the POF forums today and this girl was complaining that all the men are just after sex and this one man was bragging about how he could get laid anytime he wanted from POF women blah blah blah and man he must not have looked in the mirror for some years or the women he is getting are desparate lol!! Another case of male bravado, to impress and strut their stuff. Poor things. 🙂



  465.  #466Starla on October 23, 2011 at 11:04 am

    *I* have a black heart, cuz that’s effing metal \m/



  466.  #467Ella on October 23, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Also having a mental health problem does not mean you have a black heart imo.

    xoxox



  467.  #468Lyka on October 23, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Emerson, I’m sorry to hear that. In case you’re wondering if I made up the whole story, I can guarantee that I didn’t, I don’t have enough imagination for that.

    May I tell you that at 46, this is the first real relationship that I have. I have been scammed, cheated on, I had many FWBs in the span of 20+ years while I was in Montreal, one of them I thought I could get for myself, but it wasn’t meant to be.

    So yes, for once in my life, I’m at the right place at the right time and I’ll be damned if I let this chance pass. I wanted this man from the very first time I saw him and I am not letting him go now. I don’t want to end up old and alone, heaven knows I’ve had enough solitude in my life.



  468.  #469Senior Lady Vibe on October 23, 2011 at 11:32 am

    @441: Esteemed

    I responded to you with kindness, in the face of your harsh comments, judgments, slurs about me and recent manipulative tactic of tossing the phrase “other people” into your post. Who knows who these “other people” are and what the comments are that you reference?

    I might as well respond that I addressed you with kindness in spite of the nasty and dysfunctional things you’ve messaged to “other people” and later emailed to me what you wrote. Even though I told you I strongly disliked and disapproved of those things, I’ve been supportive to you in spite of that behaviour. However, if you are thinking you can do the same tactics with me and I’ll accept that, you are wrong.

    It felt bad to read your throwing the same kinds of stuff at me that you have used with other people. It was foreseeable if you did it to one person you’d do it to me too… and so you have. Disappointing though.

    You posted that you dislike “judgment” but that’s what you’ve done in your posts addressed to me. I have no use for whatever it is you are offering; it isn’t love.



  469.  #470Ella on October 23, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Oooow,

    That feels exciting! That is an exciting thought…

    CD1 talk about other women to try and impress me… yes cus he likes me and he wants to impress me.

    He he, yes that thought is a keeper 🙂

    I was just doing the ironing and feeling quite excited about my life and my work… And I started to imagine stuff…

    Me CD-ing and just feeling relaxed and flowy and Cd-ing lots of great men and them waterwheeling to me, and it just feeling like ‘yummm’.

    And just doing that and feeling good until I finally choose one to marry!

    🙂

    Ummmm.



  470.  #471sammie sighs on October 23, 2011 at 11:47 am

    #218, # 341 and VW wow you are an inspiration to me I so failed where you honoured your feelings and bounderies to be “nice” even though I knew Mr P was out of line telling exs they were sexy he was thinking of them and making me feel like NOTHING I said it was all my fault because I didn’t want him just like my emotionally abusive husband to say yes its all you, your no good, your jealous, insecure etc and I just took it its taken me 16 years to say actually NO I’m NOT BAD I’m GOOD your BAD . I became a people pleaser hate that how very pathetic I was! But after reading posts here I feel better I feel happy and starting to love me and say its ok, I will be ok!



  471.  #472Senior Lady Vibe on October 23, 2011 at 11:49 am

    @326: English Woman says:
    “…I am sure Rori doesn’t want us to be clones or disciples of hers!!…”

    This is my perception of Rori too. However, in my experience reading the blog for the last year, I’ve found some posters perceive different and will name call, curse, spit and express desires to destroy women who are not “clones” or who manage their lives in different ways. I suppose that’s the way of the world.

    I realize what is best for me might be different from other women who are in different places. I’m always seeking new sources of inspiration and then tweaking and adding to that for my own use.

    Sometimes I’m a little jubilant when I’ve found some particularly wonderful thing and I forget that other women might not be as “jubilant” about my resources. But I’ve not wanted to smash them because of that.

    xoxo



  472.  #473Senior Lady Vibe on October 23, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Oops, I need an editor… 😳

    I’ve found some posters perceive differently

    Sometimes I see typos in the edited versions also…
    😆