Would We Be Safe If Only We Could Control The Unknown?

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Every once in a while, the discussion here on the blog turns “religious” rather than “spiritual” – even though we’re talking about love and relationships – and though it seems “benign” and “open-hearted” to many (perhaps even most) – to a great deal of us, we see “religious rather than spiritual” as “dogmatic.” (Lots of quote marks here.)

And the moment we hear “ideology” – we feel judged. We hear statements as very specific, very individual “literal” interpretations of biblical works from any and all of the world’s religions (and we lump them all together, often) rather than as individual interpretations. We hear “I’m right” instead of “This is what works for me.”

And truly – what we want to be about is ‘What works for me ” – and sharing that feels totally right and lovely to me. What we don’t want to be about is “This works for me – and so it SURELY will work for you – because I’m right.”

In fact – that’s what gets us into trouble with men.

With my clients – if a woman has a strong faith-based outlook – it’s really helpful. It makes it easier for me to create Tools around “love” and “receiving” and work on “trusting yourself.” If a woman feels strongly “spiritual but not religious” – I pull out other Tools, other metaphors. If there is no spirituality at all – I try to bring in the mystery, the “what we don’t know,” the “unknown” to work to offset this need for control, overfunctioning, overdoing, and just plain thinking and trying to “figure things out” that perhaps can NOT be figured out.

We will never know what a sunset looks like to another person. We will never know what grief or love feels like inside the body of another person. And trying to piece it together, to try to “know” that is a waste of our energy.  When we could be using that time, energy and effort to simply love and accept the other person. To enjoy them. To appreciate them. In all their differences and mystery.

I have a problem when anyone thinks anything they think they know – no matter who gave them this information – as “The Truth.” It’s my position that as human beings we don’t have the ability to know The Truth. We’re just making it up as we go along. And yet – I totally respect anyone who believes they have a handle on The Truth. Just please express it to me as ‘This is what works for me,” rather than as “This is The Truth.”

I go to a Course in Miracles class every Sunday. Course In Miracles starts from a Christian background, and though I’m not Christian, it melds it all well for me because it’s all about forgiveness and about the deeper layers of what it is to be alive and that love is all there is (you could say that God is all there is, if that metaphor works for you).

I don’t like literalness of any kind, but I love metaphors. Here’s the first thing that strikes me (among so many aha’s): Where we are all stuck is in the erroneous belief that we would be safe if only we could control the unknown.

All study that includes a concept of God or the Universe, or nature and the nature of existence helps you stop trying to control the unknown (or a man or a relationship).  To give up trying to control it.

And that’s where all of our histories and subconscious gets activated, and our minds get working to try to make sense of things and NOT give up control.

The feminine is rooted in experience and emotion as a compass for life – to help you see where your mental beliefs are leading you – and to slowly peel those back and “Be Surprised.”  So – The Rori Raye Mantra can be visualized in any way that works for you.

So – to you – if you could control the unknown – would that make you safe? Is that why men are so difficult? Because we need to control them and our lives with them in order to feel safe?

What does it feel like to NOT have control? Is it possible to feel safe with that perception? That I do not have control, nor do I know HOW to have control?

And then…how can I learn to feel safe without having control over the unknown?

This is, of course, a huge discussion with no answer.

And yet – as a Siren – you don’t need an answer. And you don’t even need a discussion.

All you need to do is baby-step-by-baby-step get comfortable with the idea of chaos. With the idea of floating in the unknown. With the idea that you, too, are unknowable. We’re all mysterious, and as women, we’re oh, so mysterious to a man.

It is my chosen, made-up belief (or perception, or “frame”) that we are safer giving it all up to the mystery and not trying to control it rather than working to understand the mystery and thereby control it.

I chose this belief, and all the trappings of it, because it feels good. Whenever I go to giving up trying to figure it out or solve it, and instead sink into the mystery and the feeling of it – I feel better. I actually feel like I touch joy.

And whatever path you’ve chosen, I hope it’s for the same reason – because it works for you, because it feels good, and makes you feel like you’re always heading into a good-feeling direction of expansiveness, love and forgiveness of yourself.

In this holiday season – we’re challenged. Daily realities and the mysteries we choose to believe in are all intermingled and can be confusing. The world creates confusion for us, and somehow we have to square our need for activism with our choice of giving it all up.

Whatever your view of the universe – I bless you for being here and sharing what brings us all together – love.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Mercedes on December 8, 2010 at 8:03 am

    Can we talk about money or politics? I hate religious discussions at work, in a bar or on the internet. LOL

    Much Love,

  2.  #2Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 8:18 am


    Thanks, Amber. Miss M beat me to it…by a hair. I think she likes to be on top too… 😆


  3.  #3Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 8:22 am

    Uh-oh. I scrolled up to read the post but it’s about religion and I stopped. Is it? About religion? I think it’s about religion. Oh, Lord (yeah, I see the irony here) I hope there will be no big Western saloon type brawls on the blog.


  4.  #4tinque on December 8, 2010 at 8:34 am

    No SLV, it’s about embracing the unknown, relinquishing the urge to control, be it men or something else.


  5.  #5life_is_too_short_to... on December 8, 2010 at 8:41 am

    Rori writes: “It is my chosen, made-up belief (or perception, or “frame”) that we are safer giving it all up to the mystery and not trying to control it rather than working to understand the mystery and thereby control it.”

    Within the framework of my own working spirituality, I find this statement to be true. At the same time, FOR ME, at this time, it’s half of the story.

    (And yes, as Rori says, it’s a huge discussion with no answer.)

    Still, just to add in a perspective….while staying true to the intention of not being attached to the results of actions, and feeling safe and OK with chaos and not knowing,

    AT THE SAME TIME, and what I am working with is,

    I find it necessary to be straight on my intentions for wanting to be with this man, and wanting this relationship.

    For me, if this is this just another ‘relationship’ designed to handle pressing emotional needs, and assuming that peace of mind and knowing who I really am is my goal…which, for me, it is, then I have to question myself–

    What is it about this man and this relationship that I really need to experience, and to what extent do I really need or want to get entangled? My CD#1 is providing me with much opportunity to exercise my freedom to be OK with and set and stick with clear boundaries, and I need practice with that.

    Once I am emotionally satisfied with who I am, and can recognize the kind of man and relationship I truly want, and also taking into account who I am as an individual, then I can take or leave any relationship.

    I will also know that control is useless because the results of our actions are not up to me, and the emotional stuff will abate and not be a burden.

    I’m not saying that this is right for everybody, just expressing how it is for me as an over fifty lady.

    Love to all of this holiday season, I think of you often,


  6.  #6life_is_too_short_to... on December 8, 2010 at 8:43 am

    SLV, you are so funny! Love ya!

  7.  #7Turtle Girl on December 8, 2010 at 9:06 am


    My girlfriend and I have a joke about being on top.

    We say about sex- “Do you want to be on top or on bottom?” At our age, on top means being the old person. On bottom is the young person. Because the facial skin hangs down while on top and slides back nice and pretty on bottom, I used to be a on top girl, now I like being on bottom. lol I guess with age it become easier to be the vice-president and not be on top.;o)

  8.  #8Soul Sista on December 8, 2010 at 9:37 am

    Another great post Rori…i woke up today being OK with the chaos. i’m taking the day off. maybe.

    but, i spent some time conversing with my music lover last night about my latest song (which i really think i could win a Grammy for) anyway, i started trying to look at things from his perspective and i just saw, my god, he’s human. stop punishing him for the things he just can’t do right now. what he DOES…omg it’s amazing. he’s got his own music but now, and since we’ve met, he stepped up his game BIG TIME for US, and my other music partner, yesterday he said i just want to make you guys happy. and when we can be together, we will. i just saw it so clearly…cause i’m just not into suffering and when you drop the suffering you can start to see things a lot more clearly.

    that’s how it is for us, anyway. i’m just OK with it now. he knows what i want and he’s trying to give it to me as fast as he can. anyway, the things he said to me yesterday were from the depths of his heart and i believe him.

  9.  #9Simply Shannon on December 8, 2010 at 10:15 am

    I love this post! For me this is not about religion at all (such a bad word these days). I live in chaos and I am NOT in control. I feel okay. It’s all good. God’s plans are way bigger than I can possibly imagine and comprehend. I don’t want to debate or argue or discuss the nitty gritty. I know enough right now (more will be revealed as my heart is ready) and that’s good for me. I’m not in control and I am forgiven. Yep, it’s enough. I feel happy!

    Soul Sista, “… cause i’m just not into suffering and when you drop the suffering you can start to see things a lot more clearly.” AMEN! 😉

  10.  #10Brenda on December 8, 2010 at 10:23 am


    You know what works for me? You! Your concepts!

    You are so deep, so intelligent, so wise, and I really appreciate your perspectives!

    What else works for me is being in love with Jesus! And, He is my husband!

    Merry Christmas!

  11.  #11Brenda on December 8, 2010 at 10:24 am


    You know what works for me? You! Your concepts!

    You are so deep, so intelligent, so wise, and I really appreciate your perspectives!

    What else works for me is being in love with Je*sus! And, He is my husband!

    Merry Christmas!

  12.  #12Brenda on December 8, 2010 at 10:25 am


    I appreciate what you say too! I don’t want to debate. I just want to love!

    And, I love you all!



  13.  #13tinque on December 8, 2010 at 10:27 am

    TG – The thing is when on the bottom, the older you get, the more the boobies want to seek refuge in the armpits. So our choices are saggy face or saggy boobies?

    Meh, top, bottom, sideways, all ways. It’s all good.


  14.  #14Meemee on December 8, 2010 at 10:27 am

    I feel angry.
    I feel so immensely angry.
    X texted me asking where I am and why I have gone away and blah blah.
    I asked him if there is anything important to talk.
    He said he just wants to know where i am and do a chit chat.
    I replied saying that we are past that stage and I feel angry about how things went.
    Then he did not reply.
    I sent a text again saying that I feel angry when my feelings are neglected.

    No reply.
    I feel so angry
    I cried.
    I was doing so good, feeling so good and then a couple of mintes with him, I FEEL HORRIBLE.
    I feel angry with myself that I texted him
    I feel angry that I responded to his text.
    Evertime he comes to me for a talk I hope things will get better and different.
    But no.
    Its just the same.
    i feel so so angry and bad.
    I feel bad that I have to go back to office next week and see him every minute.
    I feel angry angry angry
    i am crying

  15.  #15Rosa on December 8, 2010 at 10:29 am

    How interesting after last weeks discussion, Rori has posted a mass trigger !!! I predict some rumblings…


    I’m thinking that you are a little sad because things are not the way you would most like them to be.

    You have a man, you probably adore, alive in your house!!! Enjoy.

    Can you please cut the man some slack and just enjoy him being there? Could you not pin him to the floor with “feeling messages” about you being SAD! or CONFUSED! or BITTERSWEET! If you did that stuff to me (ok, I said it, I’m not feminine, sorry) I would RUN and keep on running! I might come back from time to time to see if you’d stopped..

    I hope you are not mad at me…but gee, Rosa… don’t MAKE the man BE and DO everything all in one short visit.”

    still smarting after concluding not feminine and thinking I’m doomed; however, father says I’m womanly and that is more than enough…so thinking about it and dealing with that

    Teehee- I wonder if he would have a chat with my Dad and get some advice for me ..!!

    I am very happy to have a real live man in my home, and very sad he is not in my bed.

    Very happy he is here today for my Birthday !
    And sad i am not in his arms.

    I am Happy he has GF problems ,
    And sad he is unhappy and I cant fix it.

    It is sweet indeed
    And it is bitter.

    These feeling messages are for the Blog , NOT him.

    To him I have said only that I am sad I cant help him with his problems but am ok to talk about it , I am so happy he is here etc. I also feeling messaged about his Dad and some family issues.

    I hope I have not pinned him to anything!!

    I dont think it goes thought ->blahblah feeling -> feeling message..as an automatic progression.

    I like to use a filter in the middle and the feeling messages are only imparted when necessary for honesty and authenticity , not to cause stress and pain to another person.

    And yes yes yes , I havent got what I want and I am having a tantrum!!!!!

    But I like what I have. And to have that is a miracle indeed.

  16.  #16Meemee on December 8, 2010 at 10:35 am

    why cant i learn from the past?
    i feel all the strength and happiness i gained all these days have gone all in a moment.
    i want my happiness back.
    i should not have talked to him.
    I should not have expressed my feelings once again.
    i went away.
    i went away and took care of myself wonderfully.
    Then he comes and drags me into a conversation and sends me texts after texts when I do not reply.
    And the moment I told him how i feel he is gone.
    what f*cking game is this?

    sirens, I feel so bad that I backslided once again by talking to him
    i feel so so so bad.
    I feel angry
    I feel sad
    I feel angry with myself that I feel hopeful everytime he comes to me saying “sweetheart” and “baby”
    i feel angry for thinking that after all what i have told him, when he comes again I am tempted to think he will respect me
    I feel insulted
    I feel ignored.

  17.  #17Meemee on December 8, 2010 at 10:41 am

    I dont understand why this happens everytime.
    I am happy when I am away.
    I feel hurt at times, its true. but i manage things very well.
    I keep myself away.
    he comes
    he pushed me into a conversation
    he says “baby where did you go away and why did you go away” and all that nonsense
    I know this is nonsense
    But when he does this I feel hopeful again.

    I feel hopeful that he is coming back for a converastion because he respects my feelings
    but no.
    the moment i tell him what i feel he goes away without saying a word.
    I am trying to get the balance back.
    i feel so hugely imbalanced after talking to him.

  18.  #18Meemee on December 8, 2010 at 10:43 am

    I want to accept what happend and move on. but that feels so impossible at this moment.
    i feel horrible that i am off the horse once again.
    i feel unable to accept that he could ignore my feelings once again and I feel insulted to the core.
    This is a bad feeling
    a very very bad feeling

  19.  #19Rosa on December 8, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Meemee Hello,

    And I do hope your research is progressing well!

    “and then a couple of mintes with him, I FEEL HORRIBLE.
    I feel angry with myself that I texted him
    I feel angry that I responded to his text.
    Evertime he comes to me for a talk I hope things will get better and different.
    But no.
    Its just the same.”

    WOW , I love this , look what you have identified , a PATTERN , a simple pattern which means you can undo it! Same as all these knitters on here – they are just patterns one learns , then chooses to unlearn….or imagine doing it left handed ?

    he initiates contct
    You feel hopeful and respond
    He says or does anything next (and its not so much the content at this point , its the dynamic…)

    YOU FEEL BAD- you stop contact

    Look how this loop cycles in your life!

    Get smarter than the loop – change any part of it and you no longer have a loop.

    Think about these loops over and over and you reinforce them like a cracked record of the old fashioned type…

    A couple of weeks ago i wrote about Richard Bandlers book “Get the Life you want” . It has do it yourself loopbusters and a CD to reinforce that.

    I am very excited you have found your loops!!!

  20.  #20Meemee on December 8, 2010 at 10:45 am

    I cant like myself when I do this.
    I dont love myself when I go off the horse.
    I dont know how to get back to it again.
    i feel aanger and insult and feels unsettled about my feelings

  21.  #21Meemee on December 8, 2010 at 10:55 am

    I am upset now. There is nothing in my life that upsets my balance like the way he does.
    Have not I told him everything in plain English?
    Have not I told him I dont want to be his sex toy?
    Have not I told him I dont want friendship?
    Have not I told him I feel angry and bad when my feelings are neglected and i dont want to talk about anything?
    Have not I told him I feel settled about his inability to give me what I want and that I dont want any more triggers??


    I made myseld very very clear
    Why does he come again and unsettle me????????
    Why cant he let me be
    Why does he enjoy so much seeing me upset and leave me in the middle of a conversation that he himself started???????
    I dont understand
    I can feel unhappiness being injected to me with every word he utters.
    Or is it just that I become hopeful again when he comes even after me telling him my final word?

  22.  #22Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 10:56 am

    @7: Turtle Girl says:
    “My girlfriend and I have a joke about being on top.
    We say about sex- “Do you want to be on top or on bottom?” At our age, on top means being the old person. On bottom is the young person. Because the facial skin hangs down while on top and slides back nice and pretty on bottom, I used to be a on top girl, now I like being on bottom…

    Oh TG, you’re right! Gee, this is what happens when you’re celibate for eons! If I get back out there, now I have to give up my cowgirl boots too? 😆
    Another problem to solve…


  23.  #23Meemee on December 8, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Yes. Research is going good.
    Also I am quitting my job next month and planning to do full time research and finish it as soon as possible.

  24.  #24Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 11:00 am

    12: tinque says:
    “… sideways, all ways. It’s all good…”

    Sideways is cool. Was. But who knows how it would be now… I feel like I am going into a strange land at this stage. 😯


  25.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 11:02 am

    @6: life_is_too_short_to… says:
    SLV, you are so funny! Love ya!

    *LIFE*, love you 2… I try to keep things fun…but everything I say is true…for me anyway…


  26.  #26Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 11:20 am

    @14: Rosa says:

    “…I am Happy he has GF problems…,”


    “…And sad he is unhappy and I cant fix it…”

    Que sera, sera… 😀 He will know while he is the troubled place, you are someplace else being joyful and in love with yourself, life and everything else…

    Happy Birthday, Rosa.


  27.  #27Gigi on December 8, 2010 at 11:33 am


    Have you looked at Baggage Reclaim? f not, that could help.

    He’s doing his thing. It feels mega bad to you, but he’s just wanting to get back to where things were before and you were sleeping with him.

    In my opinion, any type of reaction from you can feed his addiction to this interaction. I empathize with you for feeling so bad right now.

    However, I don’t see it as all the work you did before as nothing. You were building the ground work for living your life feeling happy without him. All you have to do is be kind to yourself. You just got caught for a moment in his game. And, then forgive yourself. Next, climb back on your horse. You can do this!!!

    Hugs to you!


  28.  #28Simply Shannon on December 8, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Happy birthday Rosa!!

  29.  #29Soul Sista on December 8, 2010 at 11:41 am


    i’m sorry you are going through this i can feel in your posts that you are in a lot of pain. baby steps, you can shift out of this but probably not in one huge leap. do something nice for yourself..be kind to yourself. you will get through this, i promise 🙂 xo

  30.  #30Brenda on December 8, 2010 at 11:42 am


    Please be compassionate with the loving heart in you who loves him. He meant a lot to you. It is okay that you still feel love for him, and that he gets to you as a result. Your pain is a result of your loving heart.

    A loving heart is supposed to be a GOOD thing!

    So just love yourself through it, and it WILL pass. Just feel the pain and let your tender heart work through it. Then you won’t grow bitterness inside. And your loving heart will be ready to go for the next man, who will be far more loving and sensitive to you.

  31.  #31Brenda on December 8, 2010 at 11:43 am


    Happy Birthday!

  32.  #32Gigi on December 8, 2010 at 11:44 am


    I also want to say that I so understand the part about how he says some kind words and then before you know it you are hoping he is going to offer more. I have so been there! It sounds like it will be great for you when you leave that job and won’t be seeing him at work! I hope you are feeling better!

  33.  #33Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 11:48 am


    You can love yourself anyway you are. Addicted feelings take time to fade and do not proceed in a straight downward line. There are lots of zigs and zags.

    Rosa had some good advice. Maybe you could check out Rori’s materials and for extra added reinforcement, the book and CD Rosa suggested.

    P.S. I’m in a knitting phase right now. It wouldn’t hurt if you got some yarn and made a hat, or jewelry or something. Work out your angry feelings and urges to text. Needlework like that helps decrease smoking also.

  34.  #34Leo on December 8, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Hi meemee.

    Sorry to read that. But as Rori always says…noticing your mistakes is the first step. So don’t blame youself now or be sad or anything. Feel happy that you noticed it!!!!!
    It’s important to learn out of our “wrong/bad” behaviour. So next time, I bet – you’ll do great!

    Happy Birthday, Rosa! Hope all your wishes become true!

    I do some handcrafting, especially now during christmas season. There always some cute and nice things one can make for christmas, little paper angles (cute ones) and some starts out of paper or material. They are always great to put on presents!!! They just spice it up!
    And it keeps my hands and head busy!

  35.  #35Soul Sista on December 8, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    i’m not really sure how to say this but it’s about loving yourself and self-realization…i just got a taste of it, it’s the most important thing in your life and if you can shift into it all your problems with men will disappear. and all your other problems, too.

    the man i love just poured his heart out to me…again…because i shifted. now, let me see if i can figure out how i did it and i’ll let you know! LOL

  36.  #36Ella on December 8, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Hey Sirens,

    Feeling tired today. Exhausted from being in my masculine energy all day teaching this course for work.

    Just want to melt into someones arms but I am gonna take care of myself instead as there is no-one here right now.

    I am going to get into my PJs and then snuggle into bed and catch up on this thread.

    Might make a cup of peppermint tea as well.

  37.  #37Katnina on December 8, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    I LOVE this post!!
    It makes me feel like I can finally say…
    ‘I surrender’
    to the universe
    to myself
    to the unknown
    to the right man, when he comes along
    I feel excited to be vice president. As long as I marry the right Commander in Chief, vice presidency sounds fantastic.
    and fun
    and less stressful
    and more like teamwork
    and less like needing to be in control of




    I surrender!

  38.  #38LonePlum on December 8, 2010 at 1:17 pm

  39.  #39Soul Sista on December 8, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    OK…why would we even be worried about losing a relationship that’s not going well unless we needed some sort of external validation that we are loveable – we are not “loveable” WE ARE LOVE. if we realized this everything would change.

  40.  #40Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    @37: Soul Sista says:
    “…OK…why would we even be worried about losing a relationship that’s not going well…”

    In these cases, it’s often not the relationship, it’s the chemical hormone attachment to the person, a guy usually. A tough bond to break even if the type of relationship is acknowledged to be undesirable.


  41.  #41Daria on December 8, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    i feel angry

    and on top of that

    i feel disappointed and frustrated

    cuz i feel apathetic

    i don’t FEEL energetci

    my guess is i clamped down on my anger

    so angry

    i wanted to get foodstamps today

    and my mom said she would give me a ride

    but then when i asked her to sign a letter i wrote that i reside with her

    all true etc

    she wouldnt

    she called my dad

    had me print it

    on the computer


    she wouldnt sign it anyway

    she said she doesnt want to take me anymore

    because im gonna be late and she doesnt want to stress

    this isnt her appointment


    so anyway

    i called to reschedule

    and now it turns out they have 3 days to give me the expedited food stamps

    now instead of that

    its gonna be like 30 to 45 days

    and that probably means

    that i would have to show up there for 8 hours once a week


    while with the expedited

    i would just get them

    and i dont REALLY have to show up

    thats what my friend who got them said

    so now

    the lady didnt want to tell me if i can cancel my application and apply again

    i will try

    but it might be possible


    i have to wait 3 months

    who knows

    looks like no unrefined sunflower oil, or maca seeds for me

    from the foodstamps

    i DESERVE those things

    i want them!

    i feel infuriated and sad

    and apathetic

    i feel too apathetic to vampire scream

    i love my apathy

    that feels like a nice breath

    thank you breath

    i love my nice breath

    and that feels like

    a slight smile and a spinny head

    thank you slight smile and spinny head

    and they said in my DUI class

    that i cant go to Canada having a DUI

    that its considered a felony and they dont let u


    i guess its good i didnt try to go

    i also heard you can if you get your papers in order etc


    i feel tired

    i feel annoyed at this Mary Croft thingy

    is rather making me feel drained and isolated

    rather than happy and empowered

    but i do want the knowledge

    some of it feels fascinating

    i feel inspired to use it in my own happy and empowering way

    i feel heavy armed

    i love my heavy arms

    and that feels like

    dizzy brain

    i love my dizzy brain

    and hat feels like

    squeezy spleen

    i love my squeezy spleen

    and that feels like


    i love my giglle

    and that feels like

    more giggle

    i love my giggle

    and that feels like

    pinch in right of chest

    i love my pinch in right of chest

    and tthat feels like

    squeezy on eyebrow

    i love my squeezy on eyebrow

    and that feels like


    i love my giggle

    and that feels like

    yawn prep

    i love my yawn prep

    and that feels like

    pinchy in right side

    i love my pinchy in right side

    and that feels like

    smile and tingly lips

    i love my smile and tingly lips

  42.  #42Daria on December 8, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    for me, hormone attachment or not it still comes down to being love

    hormones for me are beliefs in motion… they Are thoughts

    and if i change my thoughts, well im changing my hormones

    and the other way around too

  43.  #43Daria on December 8, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Happy Birthday to Rosa

  44.  #44Mercedes on December 8, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Happy Birthday Rosa! Make it FUN!

    Much Love,

  45.  #45Lucy on December 8, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    “When YOU make him feel good about himself, when
    you make him feel that you’re a woman with a High
    Degree of Difficulty (because you ARE: you think
    highly of yourself, for real), when he feels that
    you’re genuinely interested in him for who he is
    as a man (instead of being interested in him
    because he’s “relationship material”)- he just
    automatically starts feeling attraction for you.” (Rori)

    Unless…. what?

    Because it doesn’t always work that way. Well, yeah, maybe he does feel “attraction” but that doesn’t mean he wants a relationship.

    So what good is it if he feels attraction based on what Rori described there, but the attraction doesn’t translate into him wanting to be with you?

  46.  #46Daria on December 8, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Lucy – I feel bad for you.

    For me what helped was a babystep process of transitioning from frame of “i want a special man that mirrors me”… to the frame of “i am a divine Goddess that not even I can fully understand, and all men are MEN, who’s purpose and healing is in worshipping me”

    to do this i practiced a lot of looking at boring men and triggering men as the divine masculine – in babysteps

    i allowed them to kiss me… for a short time… until i noticed how i felt… if icky i pulled away…

    same with handholding… i allowed them to hold my hand or i held on to their arm (romantic feeling) while walking… and gracefully moved away my hand when it felt uncomfortable

    icky feeling from the Goddess means moving away

    i visualized myself having sparkly energy around me, and moving in a divine, fluid way, and melting

    i reassured myself over and over that my feelings were SACRED… that if i felt icky this was OK and blessing for both of us to share… that his healing is dependent upon my sharing my feelings in the moment as well as mine


    i ALSO! and this may have been just as powerful… did stretches of EXPERIMENTING with LEANING FORWARD

    i leaned forward, watching my feelings, observing how i felt as i did so

    i drove to men, i paid for them, i paid for me, i called them, i asked them out, i asked for help from them, i called when i was upset and wanting to talk, i called when i was lonely

    i did this with the intent of EXPERIMENT

    sometimes it felt thrilling and i continued with my experiment

    (though eventually i actually found myself more powerfully able to NOT lean forward)

    but this happened on its own, as i observed my feelings… it was like a shortcut – a brave shortcut full of the possibility of feeling rejected and unspecial – to the way I wanted to be

    I now feel really comfortable with the NOT leaning forward… because I’ve done a lot of it! and sometimes recently too…

    like getright man and his friend, were part of a EXPERIMENT spree on calling up men because i felt lonely, and it lasted a few months…

    and since then, well, it helped! i don’t feel so lonely anymore… and i don’t feel the urge to reach out to men when i do – having already done it

    it’s more subconscious than conscious really…

  47.  #47Lucy on December 8, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Thanks, Daria.

    I already did all that. 🙁

  48.  #48Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    I posted this on previous blog thread. I feel like I’m in a maze with all these threads. Today I also discovered Q&A threads…I never knew they existed.. 😆
    256: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @255: Mercedes says:

    “Ok Ladies…I’ll learn how to knit. I’m going to look as out of place in the craft store as I do in Home Depot but I’ll go buy the stuff (after Christmas) and learn to knit…”

    If I were left-handed, I would do as you are and learn to knit right-handed but I would learn to knit in the Continental (German/European) way rather than as I do now, English/American.

    I believe this will involve your brain in a way that will make it easier. In Continental knitting style, the yarn is held and tension is kept with the left hand and the stitches are formed by picked them through with the right hand. In English/American style the right hand holds the yarn, throws it, keeps the tension and forms the stitches.

    Whichever way you learn, it’s awkward feeling at first but once you learn it’s like riding a bicycle, you get a certain feel, balance and rhythm…and it’s difficult to change style from the way you learn.

    I think Continental knits up faster so I wish I’d learned that way. Funny though, when I work with two colors I do hold one in each hand and that for some reason feels OK but I can’t hold yarn in left hand when using only one yarn!

    If you learn Continental there will be more left hand involvement, even though you are knitting right handed. You’ll be able to knit using right-handed patterns and charts.

    I hope this helps.


  49.  #49Mercedes on December 8, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    SLV: Thanks! I don’t really know what exactly I’m going to do except learn to knit a square (or take Shannon’s advice and knit a scarf)…other than that, I’ll just have to see what feels right at the time. My right hand is just so darn useless (except for tying my shoes – and I generally wear heels so that doesn’t matter – and buttoning my shirt…) so maybe Continental is the way to go for me. I’m just going to try to have fun with it! 🙂

    Lucy: I’m thinking of you…always…

    Much Love,

  50.  #50Lucy on December 8, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Thanks, Mercedes.

  51.  #51Daria on December 8, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    Lucy – did u reach the second frame of belief?

  52.  #52Lucy on December 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm


  53.  #53Soul Sista on December 8, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    SLV # 38 – Yes, I see about the hormone thing. I am trying to see if there is a way to circumvent that. they say suffering is optional but i don’t know if that’s really true on this planet. we’re human and that’s the part that can’t be controlled…but it’s also the part that makes him and i more alike than different…what i love so much about all of us.

  54.  #54Daria on December 8, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    I feel kinda weird reading “i already did all that”

    i feel confused

    what i wrote above is what I do… I am still doing it all the time…

    I feel weird that someone could do it in a past tense

    it’s kinda like a lifetime work to intend and keep doing it…

    almost like breathing…

    i feel confused thinking “i already breathed”

    i’m not aware of another alternative of doing… in a way that feels good

    maybe another alternative is to stop focusing on what feels good?

    i wouldn’t want to do that

    im feeling sad because i notice i feel unheard and dismissed many times when i share with Lucy lately

    it feels like a lack of connection and i feel like sliding on an ice wall

    i dont want to feel this way…

    and i am feeling angry… and im not sure why

    it feels draining to read complains about feeling bad…

    and then when i share something that is important to me feel dismissed and unheard

    i feel sad at this ice wall feeling

    i dont want to feel this way

    im feeling kinda helpless

  55.  #55LonePlum on December 8, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    3: Senior Lady Vibe

    I read it as philosophy.

    Not sure what it says, but it definitively is not about a religion, on the contrary.

    I will have to read again, but I felt it said any system (religion, sciences or whatever) aimed at explaining the unknown, is aimed at feeling in control .
    We try to be in control to feel safe.

    From there, there is not one belief system (read: religion) better than another.
    They all try their best to control the unknown.
    They all try to make the believer feel safe.

    When we feel love, we feel safe.
    It is an empiric experiment we all went through.
    We just know it, we feel it.
    Love being safety, it is antagonistic with fear.
    Love and fear of the unknown can’t exist together in the same person.
    Without fear, there is no need to control to protect us against danger.
    Love is freedom. The freedom to let go off control.
    We experiment love, we feel love, we share love, we are love.
    We don’t control love.

    Control is antagonistic of freedom hence of love hence it destroys the feeling of safety.

    Which brings to tolerance among beliefs systems and inside each system.

    Any system is good as long as it allows love to transpass from a believer to another and from a belief system to another.

    If it blocks love from expanding, then it is a system that will never reach its goal, it will never make its believers feel safe.
    Life without love feels scary, unsafe. No matter the belief system.
    And love is antagonistic with control, so really, does not need any belief system.

    The answer to so much thinking about the unknown is love.
    Love is a feeling 🙂

    What if we let go off control with men too?
    What if we stop applying any beliefs in the relationship?
    What if we stop applying expectations, rules, beliefs of what the man should do?
    What if we stop asking why he does what he does or why he does not do what he does not do, etc…
    Would tolerance kills fear of the unknown?
    Would tolerance allow to feel safe?
    No need to understand, no need to know what’s next, just feel if the moment feels good.
    If it does, enjoy, feel alive.
    What if the answer to love is freedom?


  56.  #56Daria on December 8, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    this is reminding me of trying to communicate with my mom when i was young and she was depressed

    it felt kinda like i was never good enough

    to make a connection

    it felt like i was always being dismissed… my attempts to feel close…

    i feel sad

    it felt lonely

    i felt angry…

    angry at the belief i had that i wasn’t trusted or respected or loved enough to be shared emotions with

    i feel like crying

    maybe if i was just sweet enough or clever enough or soemthing enough i would be shared with

    i felt constantly pushed away blocked by this weird flat ligh grey thick energy

    i couldnt SEE my mom

    and she didnt seem to care about seeing me

  57.  #57Lucy on December 8, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    “and then when i share something that is important to me feel dismissed and unheard”

    I’m sorry, Daria. I thought you were sharing it as a suggestion to try to help me. I didn’t realize you were sharing in order to have your personal experience heard. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you feel good about your journey.

  58.  #58Luzydel on December 8, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Today I feel exhausted with men and dating. I have been in five different dates and since I am “leaning backward”, none of them have asked me on a second date. The just keep calling and texting, but no hint of another date ugh! Today I was texting three different guys and I got bored of it.

    How to hint a guy for another date without being pushy or leaning forward?

  59.  #60Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    47: Mercedes says:

    “…so maybe Continental is the way to go for me…”

    A little something from my grandmother’s day (1934). Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in elegant, beautiful, sexy…and funny movie…

    … “The Gay Divorcee.” I love this movie!

    The movie won three Academy nominations
    and the first Oscar for Best Song: “The Continental”, a twenty-two minute production number. ~ imdb dot com

    Here’s a seven minute version:

    “The Continental”


  60.  #61Dorothea on December 8, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Hi Sirens:)
    It’s raining men for me now. I feel an energy shift. It’s not that I wasn’t attracting dates because I am already interested in another, but because all my energy and fear was tied up in him. I feel much freer now and the men are pouring in, and LI’s energy is much more positive and optimistic and giving now. I got asked out randomly by 2 guys today. I have FOUR cds now. WOooohoooo. And. I want to kiss ALL OF THEM. yum.

  61.  #62Jas on December 8, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Hi, could anyone answer this question for me? I’m reading Rori’s e-book and she says never drive to a man, I can understand and agree with this, but she also says not to meet him anywhere. This is a bit confusing for me because are we to expect a guy to come and pick us up? I can see in some circumstances this may be ideal, but I live in New York, most people take the subway, what’s wrong with us meeting at the date destination? Logistically it doesn’t make sense to me for a guy to take a train from his place, get off meet me at my place and then we get on another train together to the date detination..lol..I feel like I am asking a silly question but I really want to get the most out of this program and not be neglecting important rules. I hope someone answers this cuz I asked a question a few days ago and I was completely ignored..that triggered me and I felt unimportant..hmm

  62.  #63Dorothea on December 8, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    HI Jas! Sorry you felt unimportant.
    I live in an urban area and I have a CD who does not drive (I don’t either) and lives 45 walking minutes from me. He actually walks/cabs/buses to my house and picks me up ON FOOT and brings me from my house to wherever he is taking me, even if it is right near his own house. This was all his idea, so I never had a chance to decide if I was being “silly” or not. But men DO do this.

  63.  #64Dorothea on December 8, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Also for safety you might not want a man coming to your home, depending on how you know him and where you met, right? Maybe you could experiment with still leaning back, just not all the way to your own front door, by letting them know you feel better meeting somewhere close to your house.

    I personally think if a man is going to have you meet him in the next neighborhood or borough, then he ought to see you all the way home, even if it’s out of his way. What do you think about that part?

  64.  #65tinque on December 8, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Thank you please SLV, that was awesome. I love Bugsby Berkeley.

  65.  #66Jas on December 8, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Thanks for your reply Dorothea, I will try to have CD’s meet me closer to my place, that’s a good idea. I don’t feel comfortable having them know where my apt is until I get to know them a bit better. As far as them seeing me home if our date is in another borough, I agree with that too. However, with this guy we basically take the same train, I get off many stops before him,so I dunno if he needs to get off the train with me. I’m so new to this and still experimenting and finding my way. I’m soo used to overfunctioning and I don’t want to do that anymore. But yeah, I feel good about telling a guy to meet me close to my place and then we go to our date. They should be willing to make that effort. I will switch it up with this guy, we’ve only been on one date, so it shouldn’t be too hard. I’m worth the effort! lol

  66.  #67Katnina on December 8, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Hi Tinque, I love the sweater coat! it looks very cozy :).
    I agree with SLV, 24-30 inch circular needles should be enough in my opinion!
    I recommend swatching the yarn before getting started to make sure you are using the right size needles to get the measurements of the pattern- different knitters have different yarn tension so a sweater knit by my mom could be 2 sizes bigger than a sweater knit by me on the same needles since she has really loose tension & i pull my yarn very tight!

    I feel happy to know you are a bunhead! I was never calm enough to be a ballerina-I was a gymnast until age 14, and now I do aerial dance. It’s cirque du soleil type stuff with a little less grace 😉 and a lot less effortlessness.
    it’s really fun, challenging, and a good workout. my school has student shows every couple of months and i’m performing a new routine on Friday, i feel excited & nervous.
    happy knitting!

  67.  #68Luzydel on December 8, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    Jas says:

    “Hi, could anyone answer this question for me? I’m reading Rori’s e-book and she says never drive to a man, I can understand and agree with this, but she also says not to meet him anywhere.”

    Those are too many games/rules for me to play. I don’t drive to a man’s hose because of safety, but If I work in XY city I can meet a guy there after work. Sunday I met someone after my Dance class, it is not near me, but I felt it was convenient.

    Sometimes I read people saying that men are willing to please etc. I call it BS, yesterday a guy told me he wont make any effort for a woman just to get rejected. Other have told me that if a woman is going on random dates they will loose interest. So maybe unless you are already in a stable relationship. These rules can be adapted to you individual needs and wants.

  68.  #69Dorothea on December 8, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    i’m a little confused – please help if you can! how much bath salt should i put into a bath???

  69.  #70Daria on December 8, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    i just got back from a CD! it felt nice and lovely and raised my spirits which were bummed about what “my mom did to me today” which i feel angry thinking about that now i might not get foodstamps for who knows how long… maybe 3 months… because of her

    even though i invested a lot of energy into preparing the application etc

    anyway the cd felt relaxing…

    we went out to eat closeby to my house… because i was hungry…


    we chatted and then he took me home

    i meet my cd’s for dates on the main street close to my house

    this was a first meeting

  70.  #71Daria on December 8, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    Dorothea – it’s up to you – you can put from a cup to pounds of it if you want

  71.  #72Dorothea on December 8, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    I just threw a handful in.

  72.  #73Dorothea on December 8, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    I wish I could find the thread here where everyone was posting about bath salts.

  73.  #74Katnina on December 8, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Hi Jas,
    for first dates, I usually prefer to stay in my neighborhood. they can come to my hood and I meet them wherever we are going (i’d rather ppl didnt know exactly where my apt is). I let them decide where we go/what we do but i say ‘i feel more comfortable meeting in my neighborhood, what do you think?’ most are fine with that and if they aren’t then i say, NEXT!

    sometimes they ask for suggestions, and i say ‘i’m sure anything you choose will be great!’
    it’s so easy to find places with yelp.com that they usually come up with stuff. and if they don’t choose something and push for a suggestion again, i view it as them trying to please me by taking me someplace i like so i say ‘well, i like X but i will be happy with whatever you choose!’

    for second dates, i’m fine with meeting them wherever -ie if we live on opposite sides of the city, and are meeting in the middle, that works for me.
    it’s a personal choice. i understand wanting to be picked up but it’s not a must have for me. whatever works for you is best!

    at the end of the date, (depending on how it went of course) i DO like to be walked home, or walked to the subway (depending on the time), or put in a cab- i let them hail my cab for me, it makes me feel special. plus there’s something really sexy about being kissed goodbye while leaning against a taxi ;).
    hope this helps!

  74.  #75Dorothea on December 8, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    ohhh i love men who put me in cabs
    they all do
    haha i love it.

  75.  #76Katnina on December 8, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Happy birthday, Rosa!

  76.  #77Jas on December 8, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Thanks Katnina, these are all great suggestions..yes, getting a cab hailed for me feels great to me too, especially when they go to the driver and hand him my fare before they leave…haha…I need more of that in my life. lol

  77.  #78Luzydel on December 8, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    I feel angry at this blog; I just do. I admit that by circular dating my dates are improving and I feel less and less anxious, but sometimes it feels like we are collecting men to treat us and get us a free meal and that gets me angry at my self and at other women. It triggers me and I feel frustrated. 🙁

  78.  #79Katnina on December 8, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Uh oh. Just saw a photo of me & phishman from the party Friday. I’m all smiley. And he looks like a deer in headlights.
    I’m leaning back against the bar but also into him. And he’s leaning into me.
    Something feels weird when I look at the photo.
    Feels like more energy flowing from me to him. But when I was there I felt the energy was flowing from him to me. Like he had feelers out connected to me, knowing where I was at all times.
    I surrender, phishman.
    It is up to you to contact me.
    Yes I know I’ve rejected you in the past.
    But i feel our mutual flirtation & attractions was obvious on Friday.

    So I give you the oars.
    I hope you row.
    But if you don’t that is ok too.
    I trust you to do what I righ for both of us. Bc if you’re not ready, or don’t like me enough to do something about it, then it’s best if we keep going on our own paths.
    Maybe they will converge at another point.
    And maybe not.
    That’s not up to me either.
    An I feel ok with that!

  79.  #80Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    @76: Luzydel says:
    “… like we are collecting men to treat us and get us a free meal and that gets me angry at my self and at other women…”

    There’s a thought… I’m curious. What would be your ideal situation?


  80.  #81Katnina on December 8, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Luzydel, I hear you. I sometimes feel uncomfortable with receiving.
    It’s scary for me to receive and sometimes it feels like i am taking advantage.
    If i am only there for the free meal & im not interested in getting to know him, then maybe it is taking advantage. But that wouldn’t feel good to me, so I wouldn’t say yes to a date when I have no interest in learning more about the man.
    I don’t feel I am taking advantage when I am interested in getting to know the man better. if a man wants to give to me, its because giving to me will feel good for him. And I want him to feel good!
    And if a man doesn’t want to give to me, he won’t!
    And that is ok too!
    I get your frustration bc I feel it too sometimes. Then I try to reframe it and that helps me a lot.

  81.  #82Luzydel on December 8, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    78: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    “There’s a thought… I’m curious. What would be your ideal situation? SLV”

    I have no ideal situation, I am following the tools I have been given here. eg being open to every man, let them take the lead, pay for dinner, make the dates etc. etc. I feel like I am using them, I want to pay for half the bill, meet half way, and even lean forward sometimes. Right now I just don’t feel Natural, just guilty.

  82.  #83Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    phone back on phone back on

    shake it shake it shake it shake it!

  83.  #84Siena on December 8, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    Ugh, I feel weird. I can’t get past this feeling of wondering how #1CD (who I dated Spring and Summer) is.

    I still miss him. And I don’t feel sadness or longing – I’m out there, living a really great life, even dating (CDing) someone who is very good to me… But every so often I’ll see something or hear something and want to share it with #1CD.

    And of course I know I can’t.

    What feels bad is that as much as I’ve surrendered it and am making efforts to move on, I still miss him.

    He’s – like – energetically still in my space.

    I feel a little scared that he will forever be on my horse, even if I marry someone else. Ugh! I don’t want that at all!

    What am I missing sirens?

  84.  #85Katnina on December 8, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    Luzydel, I was out to dinner at a really nice place on a second date. I realized midway thru that I wasn’t interested in him. I felt awful that he was paying for this expensive dinner and here I was no longer interested.
    I offered to pay my share, he said no.
    When he went to the men’s room, I texted my good friend (who is a man), ‘how do I get over feeling like I owe something when a guy pays?’
    He wrote back. ”U don’t owe. Ur a chick. Its fine.” that made me feel a lot better.

    After dinner, I suggested we get hot chocolate nearby at a place I looove, and I paid. It made me feel like I was giving back. It was a lot less money than dinner but it made me feel less guilty since i wasn’t interested in him.

  85.  #86Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    @ Luzydel

    “I want to pay for half the bill, meet half way, and even lean forward sometimes. ”

    OK, not “ideal” but what you described is what you prefer and what you feel more comfortable doing.

    How about if you do a little test and do that for half of your CD guys and compare results and see how it works and how you feel?

    I’m wondering about that… if the results would be different.

    It might not work for me because I wouldn’t go someplace for a just for free meal anyway so there would not be a value in it for me and therefore no guilt.

    OTOH, the guys I CD might have limited resources and that wouldn’t be a problem for me either; I don’t much care. However, I don’t like men who are cheap and cheap is not about how much income they have.

    But I do wonder how guys react to different ways of dating.


  86.  #87Brenda on December 8, 2010 at 8:42 pm


    Sorry you have a heavy heart. 🙁

    I have a lot of serious loves in my past, ones I haven’t talked about much here. The way I deal with it is I just acknowledge there will always be a piece of my heart that loves my past man. Then I am not fighting myself to give up that love.

    Every now and then, I “visit” that love. For example, Arnold burned a place in my heart that will always resonate when I hear the name, “Arnold”. If I ever cross paths with him again, I will smile and run up to him with joy! Yet I am at peace with having let him go.

    Of course I am still having a hard time letting go of Ryan. But you yourself helped me with that, showing me that it’s more important that I am loved and treated with respect than to hang on to one certain man. I still believe he will be back (he texted me a week ago and was more open than he’s been in a long time). But even if he doesn’t, I am at peace now.

    I even feel anticipation and excitement about who will come in my life. I know God has my back, and that’s really my bottom line. He wants what’s best for me. I am learning to trust Him.

    I don’t really have an answer, but I hope that helps.

  87.  #88Senior Lady Vibe on December 8, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    “It was a lot less money than dinner but it made me feel less guilty since i wasn’t interested in him.”


    I think it indicates to a man that we are not fully accepting his invitation (or him) when we offer to pay our own way when we have been invited.

    I’m glad this came up. Maybe I’ll only accept less expensive dates. Dunno how I’ll do that… 😆 … so there are not big expectations.

    What do you all think?


  88.  #89Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    ugh… feeling scared

    theres a dr phil show about a 17 year old who got identity stolen and someone put up some provocative pictures of her or something

    and then my mom starts a discussion with my dad with me right there washign dishes

    about how I have provocative pictures up on the internet

    and telling my dad to ask me and confront me about it

    this is funny right now to me becuase

    this is SO my business

    i can put up any pictures of myself i want to

    and i do have sexy pictures… not naked… but if they were, well

    thats still my business

    i feel annoyed

    my mom got in a bad mood and when she gets likethat she starts attacking me and acting weird

    i feel so annoyed with that



    i feel really angry when im talked about in 3rd person

    and im right there

    it feels like im non existent

    then i left

    shes like Come back here

    im like


    i dont want to

    and i left


    wtf… its no one’s business what pictures i put up on the internet

    and how provocative they are

    wat the hell lol

    i feel amused

  89.  #90Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    living with my parents feels really draining

    its like theres these constant attacks

    i have to consistently spend a lot of energy to bring my energy back to feeling good

    i havent felt Happy Happy in a minute

    cuz theres always something i just felt betrayed, or attacked, or disrespected, or scared, or angry, or sad about

    i barely have energy for anything else besides getting myself UNupset

  90.  #91Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    and 75% of the time its Eggshells

  91.  #92Siena on December 8, 2010 at 8:50 pm


    The North wind… She’s a blowin’!

  92.  #93Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    i dont want this! thanks angels!

    i want to feel happy! consistently

    i want to have lots of energy to do fun stuff and FEEL fun and create new things

    i want to feel safe and loved and encouraged and supported and respected

  93.  #94Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    Siena – she blows all the time

    I got more accomplished in the 3 weeks they were gone on vacation – spiritually and emotionally

    then i did all year

    and then some

    i felt like i changed my life in those 3 weeks

    i always feel like that

    the rest of the time it feels like

    just trying to maintain health

  94.  #95Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    i feel angry about this

    angry and numb flat

  95.  #96Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    i feel betrayed by this fake ass switchin ass bitch

  96.  #97Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    i feel ignored and unwanted by my father and that feels like crying

  97.  #98Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    because of this bitch i can’t even get foodstamps now for who knows how long

    maybe like 3 months

    because she said she Would give me a ride, then decides last minute she wont, when i cant take the bus anymore

    when yesterday shes whining about how of course she HAs to give me rides im her daughter

    and i said no you dont if youre tired

    well bitch you dont, but you dont have to fu9ck up my plans either and tell me 10 minutes before my appointment you wont you fake ass bitch

  98.  #99Daria on December 8, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    i cant even trust this bitch to be a mom

    most of the time i feel like im HER mom when i give her a hug or something

    fu9ck this bitch


    if she reads this, shed be “crushed”

    and tehyn id have to go mommy her again

    cuz i can handle it


    but her fake ass cant


    shes probably gonna turn on my dad next and say some bullshit about him now

    stupid fake bitch

    feels weird to talk about her this way

    and i dont give a fu9ck

    fu9ck you bitch

  99.  #100Daria on December 8, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    im feeling so angry im getting pinched in my womb and my sides and i feel numb in my face

    ugh so mad

    i feel angry

    i feel so angry now my head hurts on the right

    i love my anger

    i dont want to live with people where i feel drained and betrayed and disrespected

    and even tho i have voices that say then i wont live anywhere and ill be homeless


    thank you and i am strong and i can take care of me and all of you

    and we’re gonna go on with feeling better now

    and with being more whole


  100.  #101Luzydel on December 8, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    Last Sunday CD insisted on taking me to the fancy Italian place . I accepted (but I usually go for coffee on a first date). He recently got laid off from his job and well most likely should be on a budget. He paid for everything and we had a great time talking etc. But now I wonder if I should have offer to split the bill.

    I don’t know, I liked him and I am open for a second meeting if he ask, but I don’t want to make him feel bad if I offer to pay half nor I want him to feel I am being inconsiderate for letting him pay. Perhaps that is why he hasn’t mention a second date, because I might have been inconsiderate?

    I had a date Where I offer to pay half and he agreed. He never called after that. but he seemed to be struggling when paying so I offered.

  101.  #102Daria on December 8, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    whoever said beggars can’t be choosers was living in his own cage

  102.  #103Daria on December 8, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    this has been going on my whole life

    i am waiting for a man to rescue me

    i would like to rescue myself but i don’t know how and feel scared of being alone all the time

    ifeel alone as it is

  103.  #104Kristine on December 8, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    Wow…These blogs go all over the place sometimes with different subjects but I love hearing all of your thoughts and ideas in life and in love. I am going to vent for a minute..I have recently been through death in my family and am now here with my mom helping take care of my grandpa who is dying with Cancer…sounds sad yes I know it is but I am glad to be here and help him on his journey out… making him comfortable and just loving him. That brings me to LOVE the big word, the scarey word I myself didn’t understand or would run from. I have found out over this past year a lot about who I am and learned how to love myself and my life and be greatful for who I am and blessed for what I have. I used to overthink and try TOO HARD to CONTROL my life, men, and situations. We cannot do it and like RORI says it is a waste of time, not to mention exhausting. Instead of calling or not calling, texting or not texting, playing these cat and mouse like games. Love yourself,know who you are and what your about because when you find that, It is so true nothing in life can be better. The DRAMA QUEEN in us lays to rest and we lean back lean forward it doesn’t matter. Its right because it’s what makes us who we are. Life is perfect because you are in control of you and noone else, your day, happiness, and future is in your hands so embrace it everyday. It erases the needy, clingy, controlling woman and brings to light the beautiful, fun, amazing women we are. If we are dating 5 men or not even 1, we are enjoying life being comfortable of not knowing what lies ahead. If he loves you or he doesn’t, we cannot fix, change or control anyone but ourselves. Once we grasp that noone can ruin your day because you won’t let them. IT IS A MAJOR LIFE CHANGE.. you won’t give anyone the power or give them the pleasure of making you cry or pissing you off. You never lose, It feels amazing and I believe it is when you realize your worth and feelings it clicks and NOONE can take that from you…..unless you let them. Once you get a grasp on it no man, woman, or even a higher power will be strong enough to break you down. I Like to call it “Being A Soldier in Your Life”…So Soldier up and keep peace in your own homeland..your heart!

  104.  #105Brenda on December 8, 2010 at 9:25 pm


    I felt a lot healthier emotionally when I moved away from my Mom as an adult. I felt free. And then no one was in my business questioning me who’s coming and going and what I’m doing and why I wasn’t home til late, etc.

    I interpret the whole talk about POP being to find our own path, not waiting and looking for a man to take us into our happy ever after. We find the way ourselves, and if he comes along down our bridge, fine. If not, we still arrive!

  105.  #106Darling Ella on December 8, 2010 at 9:38 pm


    I embrace your views 🙂 Thank you…

  106.  #107Darling Ella on December 8, 2010 at 9:39 pm


    Happy Birthday Beautiful Siren 🙂 Best wishes of health, love, and happiness 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  107.  #108Lucy on December 8, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Siena, I’m sorry you feel bad. I know the feeling. I feel curious – what do you feel is the difference btwn “missing him” the way you described and “longing”?…. I also understand your fear – on my wedding day I was still hoping for a last minute comeback call from my former fiance. 🙁 That’s why it feels so bad to think about being with someone who doesn’t feel as good to be with as I know a man can. 🙁

  108.  #109Katnina on December 8, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    Hugs to you Daria.
    I believe you can rescue yourself. I don’t know how to make it happen ( I believe it is different for everyone), but I do believe that you have the knowledge and talent and passion and strength required.

  109.  #110Daria on December 8, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    Thanks ladies… Went downstairs to watch political comedy…. Even tho they were here I enjoy laughing and now things ate starting to feel better

  110.  #111Siena on December 8, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    Lucy, thank you for that!

    The difference between missing and longing for me is – I want to be with him to share happy things. When I think of him, I chuckle to myself and just kind of wish he was here. There’s no sadness around his absence, except in the sense that he is not here, he’s elsewhere. I’m not really sure how to explain it.

    A big part of me feels content about it, like he just went out to get some milk, but that he’ll be back soon. That’s how I feel in my soul about it. But then my brain kicks in and says that’s ridiculous, and that’s how I will fall off my bridge, etc. Etc.

    I feel really sad to hear that about your wedding day. Hugs!

  111.  #112Siena on December 8, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Brenda, I missed your earlier post. Thank you for that!! <3

  112.  #113Isis on December 8, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    Nikita & LonePlum:

    Thanks for your responses!
    LonePlum, I feel like we understand each other more now.

    Yes I do hope he (biodad) is on his way to responsibility.

    his mother lives an hour and a half away. I will see if I can figure out a way to get her number…… without contacting him….

    I feel…. I sense…. I wonder… if he is confused about what I want from him; I wonder if he is feeling like man-i-live-with is more important to me than he is.

    we are friends on facebook. man-i-live-with and i have considered each other family for a long time now, go out to events regularly, etc.
    Biodad is able to see whatever people post on my page of man-i-live-with and I. one recent pic someone labeled “happy family” of man-i-live-with, myself, and my baby. my profile reflects my relationship with man-i-live-with.

    biodad has never worried about who i might be seeing at any other time; and even had sex with me twice while he knew i was with man-i-live-with (although I really had left him, bio dad was not informed).

    and my last msn message:
    thanksgiving evening, he messages me immediately when i get online. asks how the rest of my day was.
    i say the last hour was terrible, but the rest of it fabulous. he asks and i vent about fight with man-i-live-with. i am not going off namecalling, just stating facts. i say i care about him a lot but don’t want to waste any more energy on that nonsense argument.

    he asks my plan for the next day.
    i say i am supposed to go to (town 4 hrs away) to see man-i-live-with’s family. his plan is to get to the town he’s traveling to, clear out his storage and tie up loose ends so he can get on his roadtrip to come meet his son and see me.

    I say I don’t want to go to (town 4 hrs away) after argument. I’ve been thinking maybe we should have a christmas that is just us. (me +biodad’s fam) tho i still like my idea of having everyone (all my families @ my own house) …and I don’t really want your mom to go to any trouble either.

    (***!!! Did he think I was turning down his mom entirely???? he didn’t say anything about it though)

    he says “come see me then tomorrow” (not literally possible.) I said I intend to, either way/christmas or tomorrow.

    we went on to talk about books, he asked if i had read a particular book, we flirted for a while..wished we were near each other….wished sweet dreams.. he went to bed…

    Long convo, and the entire conversation he was typing from a PHONE.

    It all seemed normal at the time…?

    And yes- his silence-
    i feel if I were him and I were being silent, i would not like to be contacted…. I don’t think it would be best, but i’m confused by the silence… 12 days…….?

  113.  #114Isis on December 9, 2010 at 12:05 am

    he also posted a link on facebook today. and I know he can see me on gchat when he checks his mail.

    the whole facebook thing; i have never hidden man-i-live-with; because we were in a relationship, at a time when bio-dad was far away and dating others. so..

    I dunno. unless he suddenly decided it bothers him now.

    I wonder if suddenly he is starting to think I’m not interested? Even though I flirt/etc, because I am still with man-i-live-with?

    Or if he is just feeling weird about the upcoming first visit/ meeting baby & man-i-live-with?

    Or if he is mentally preparing.. (STILL he should say something to me!)

    or horror; if he has found someone else to spend his time on??? he is still on his 3000 mile roadtrip though, on his way to meet me/baby.

    also, I am feeling depressed. I am still working on making money…bills due in a few days and don’t have nearly the money I need yet *YET*

    and it is my birthday this saturday, but I wasn’t able to get a party together, there are just TOO many events this month, which all my friends will be at…all weekends booked with more than one event per day already. So I will be attending several events and celebrating at each; and maybe have a party in January.

    Also, Happy Birthday ROSA!!!!! I hope you enjoyed it, what did you do??

  114.  #115Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 6:17 am

    “I want to pay for half the bill, meet half way, and even lean forward sometimes. ”

    OK, not “ideal” but what you described is what you prefer and what you feel more comfortable doing.

    How about if you do a little test and do that for half of your CD guys and compare results and see how it works and how you feel?

    I’m wondering about that… if the results would be different.


    **I’m curious about this too. I’m not circular dating so I can’t do the experiment but I think it is a fabulous idea so if anyone does it, please post your results here. It would be nothing more than satisfying a curiosity for me, but I think it could help others in so many ways!

    J pays for all of our dates. When we take trips, I usually pay for my own ticket and he pays for everything else (once he got my ticket but that’s because timing was wrong and I wasn’t going to be able to go if I had to buy the ticket…too many other expenses at the time).

    Every once in a while I pick up the check for dinner or drinks and he likes it. I think he likes it because it is rare so when it happens, it makes him smile. I don’t think he would like it if I did it all the time…he’s the kind of man who likes to treat me…but sometimes, when I say “it’s my turn” I get an “awwww…thank you baby” back and I know I’ve made him happy. Mostly I do it to show him I’m not taking him for granted and I never feel bad when I do it…I do it when it feels right to me.

    I do love it that he treats me though. It makes me feel good so I have no experience with feeling guilty around that.

    As far as leaning forward, I’m guilty of doing it a lot. But…I do it with no expectations and I always get positive results (I lean forward…I DON’T overfunction…there’s a HUGE difference). J loves it when he gets to see me take a little control. Besides that, he’s a creature of habit. If I didn’t lean forward sometimes we’d never leave the couch! LOL. So yeah…I plan what we’re going to do sometimes (actually, I plan what I’m going to do and I invite him along for the ride)…sometimes I initiate sex…sometimes I pick the restaurant…it all just depends on how I’m feeling at the time. If I don’t want to eat pizza, I’ve got to get creative because that man would eat pizza every day of his life. Not because he likes it so much (well…okay…he does)…but mostly because it’s the first thing to come to mind….so when I say “How about Indian food?” he’s all kind of grateful that someone had a better idea. 🙂

    Much Love,

  115.  #116The Nikita Show on December 9, 2010 at 7:09 am

    I think he likes it cuz he’s an Aquarius 😉

    …….they like a little spoiling and pampering too.

  116.  #117Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 7:20 am

    You might just be right on that one! 🙂 I’m just glad they like to spoil. LOL

    Are most Aquarius men creatures of habit? I’m serious…as much as this man loves going on adventure with me, he could spend most of his life eating the same foods, going to the same places and doing the same thing. He loves it when I come up with something different and he’s all over it but for HIM to step out of that on his own only happens about every two or three months. I’m the one who could do it every single day.

    Maybe that makes us good for each other. He keeps me grounded and I get him experiencing new things…

    Much Love,

  117.  #118Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 7:28 am

    Nikita: I posted this on another thread and not sure you saw it. When he does step out of that comfort zone though…he takes it to the extreme! Is that common for Aquarius as well?

    Previous post:

    We’re going to Florida on Friday and coming home on Sunday. We decided we’re not going to book a hotel room. Plan A (his plan) was to spend the weekend in the airport (just to say we did). Since I had the presense of mind to think we might get in trouble for that (or at least flagged as a potential risk and questioned by TSA), I suggested we switch it up just a bit and go for plan B:

    We agreed that when we get to the airport, we’ll take the first free hotel shuttle we see. When we get to the hotel, we’ll see if they have rooms. If they do, we’ll stay. If they don’t, we’ll see if there is another hotel within walking distance of where we are and if so, we’ll go there. If not…we’ll cab it back to the airport and take the next free shuttle. The plan is to meet as many strangers/bus drivers/cab drivers as we can and to make each of them smile.

    If we get a hotel room on the first try (which we probably will) then we’ll go for meeting people in the closest restaurant/bar to the hotel. Sounds like fun to me!!! I’m soooo excited! I absolutely LOVE adventure and Southwest airlines with their $59 plane tickets have given us adventure in four different cities now! (ummm…but this is the first time we’re trying it without a hotel in mind…lol)

    Much Love,

  118.  #119The Nikita Show on December 9, 2010 at 7:29 am


    This is OVERfunctioning in action/

    I say I don’t want to go to (town 4 hrs away) after argument. I’ve been thinking maybe we should have a christmas that is just us. (me +biodad’s fam) tho i still like my idea of having everyone (all my families @ my own house) …and I don’t really want your mom to go to any trouble either.

    (***!!! Did he think I was turning down his mom entirely???? he didn’t say anything about it though)-

    You are still moving your brain over into his head by *wondering.

    And you are *attempting to control*[yup] the actions/efforts of his mother by “minimizing” her efforts, offers, and invitations.

    Can you see this from my persective?

    If his mom was a metaphor for ALL the men in your life- this is how you Are Over functioning.

    I feel exhausted reading it (but I have faith you’ll “get it” 🙂

    I feel drained explaining/pointing this stuff out.

    I feel a yawn (wow, I did just yawn)

    I feel more yawns- imgoodnes.

    Do you know the sink into the soup tool? (I call it alphbet soup)

    We focus on getting out of our heads(more yawns-wow)

    Out of bio dads head

    out of man I live with- head

    out of – mother in law (grandma) head/heart

    we sink back into our body.






    And begin the communion with OUR

    To the exclusion of the communion with the minds of others-

    it’s just static and spinning your/our wheels anyway.

    You ARE explaining a lot of stuff here-

    I bet this is a pattern with you, your life, your older son, and your friends, and family.

    I feel better when I stop explaining(another yawn)


    I feel relieved that I stopped writing this post.

    I feel a little scared you won’t “get me” here but it will be my Xmas gift. My effort. My effort is the gift because I don’t effort for others much-

    I would prescribe some mama Gena – for you, Isis.

    It’s nice and playful.

    Good luck with everything

  119.  #120AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 7:32 am


    You’re here! Hi. I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. I can relate to that feeling you wrote about. It’s strange for me. Somewhere inside my head/heart I still consider us a couple.

    You’ve probably already posted about this & I missed it, but why/how did you two end?

  120.  #121The Nikita Show on December 9, 2010 at 7:38 am


    I saw it.

    I just think that Aquarius is creative in other ways- but not with food.

    It is a Fixed sign, and my bull and I are also fixed signs- we eat the same stuff OFTEN.
    Its just one less thing to think about and life is always in flux it feels comforting to have a constant. We get “stuck” on what works for us- I have the same breakfast as long as it’s available…..it’s a hassle to think about(it’s fuel, so it’s efficient to be monotonous here).

    However- going anywhere without a hotel is unique to you two (along with just mingling with whoever is there 😉 )

    We are creatures of comfort, NOT adventure! Lol, none for us thx.

    A flat tire or cancelled train/flight is PLENTY adventurous for us- lol

    ok, I’m off to get my morning routine going 🙂
    same ole same ol 😉

  121.  #122Femininewoman on December 9, 2010 at 7:47 am

    Dear Meemee,

    I feel your frustration but I have to say they always come back. You are the air he breathes so he will die without you. He is immature so he pushes your boundaries to see how strong you will be. Little boys are always pushing to see what they can get away with. I recommend thinking of him standing in a public place naked with everyone around laughing at him. It might seem mean but it could cheer you and let you know he is vulnerable too.

    I say love yourself for being so open that he can still touch the soft spot of your feelings. I remember being so hurt in the past that I prayed God take away feelings of sexuality, emotionality because I want to be in control of my faculties. I never liked falling in love because it felt like losing control. When I decided I wanted to I found I could not connect with men, I could not connect with my family, I could not connect with people on the job, I could not connect with my children. I was so closed off and angry not knowing what was happening. It is since I started this exploration with Rori that I am again opening up, finding my heart and experimenting with connecting with people. Just this week I ended up crying in front of my boss, something I swore I would never do again after an experience on my first job decades ago. You know what, I felt embarassed but I felt juicy and really girly and feminine. I felt it was a bit weak but I was really proud of myself for having the strength to display my emotions. For the first time I really felt like I was genuinely being a girl and I felt proud of self afterwards. What I am saying is look for balance because you also don’t want to swing in the direction I went into and close yourself off to protect yourself from him and everyone else. You know he triggers you in this way and that is great. You might drift off your committed path but God gives us the opportunity of a second chance to try again.

  122.  #123Femininewoman on December 9, 2010 at 7:50 am


    He is bad for you but you still don’t want to harden your heart. Just take it as a lesson that next time to go slowly. You are the prize men have to win and want to win so they will work hard and slowly if you allow them to. You will be surprised that some time soon you will look back and see how unimportant, boring, bland he is to you.

  123.  #124Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 7:53 am

    LOL! Nikita: He would LOVE that you refer to it as “creatures of comfort”…I call it creatures of habit and he denies it every single time. Haha! I’m going to steal your name for it and see what kind of reaction I get. 🙂

    We do both mingle a lot. I do it all the time. He does it only when we’re on adventure in a new place. We’ve inspired and uplifted people in countless cities across America with our ability to meet people and engage them in conversation. If we’re in the same old bar where we know the same old people…well…he only talks to the same old people (unless someone new approaches him…then he’s very open and friendly with them). Me? I need to be making the rounds at all times or to be quite honest, I’m bored out of my mind!

    Enjoy your routine today! 🙂 I would love to be with you because for me, your routine would be my adventure!

    Much Love,

  124.  #125AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 8:02 am


    When I read your post this morning all I could think was





    STOP the thought pattern you have spinning here. Do something else (and I hate how bossy I am being) I am not yelling, even though I am using all caps. I am feeling it like FULL STOP as used in telegrams and printing. I read that you are also stressing about paying your bills (I can relate).

    And this is probably me projecting some, too. For me right now the Universe is saying STOP.

    It’s saying TRUST ME


    Any action you take now would be an attempt to control the outcome. And you don’t want any certain outcome. You want the outcome that is in your highest good. And since you are not all powerful and all seeing, you do not know what the answer is.

    So, for me, the Universe is right. I am going to focus on what is, right now, right here in front of me. I am going to pay attention to the things I do have control of, like my job 😉 Heh.

    It’s SO strange and unfamiliar to let go of control.

    But I couldn’t control the outcome anyway. And safety is an illusion. Freedom is a state of limitless possibility.

    I’d rather be free than safe…

  125.  #126Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 8:04 am

    I feel overwhelmed with information. Sometimes relationships with men seem so difficult. I wish I could write men off and just not deal with it. But I want to be a wife so much, and that’s the truth.

  126.  #127Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 9:02 am

    I agree with you on that Brenda!

    Soo…everything was seemed to be going great with pipeliner man and cute skier guy until yesterday 🙁

    Well…things with pipeliner man are still great…

    I do have a question though…so last night cute skier guy was going to go to a class with me last night and yesterday morning he texted me good morning and I couldn’t respond right away because pipeliner man was staying with me..anyway I asked skier guy if he was still planning on coming with me and he said
    “no, he wants to but he has too much to do but that he’d call me and we could set up a 3rd date”

    my response “I feel turned off by that response, and I’m not sure why though” (I feel like I was a little over reactive and out of line honestly, it just hit me wrong, I felt icky)

    his response “I am doing the best I can!!!”
    me “ok…that’s all I need to know”

    that’s all the communication…I don’t recall ever having this kind of communication before and it feels bad to me. I want to text him…and say I’m sorry for over reacting…

    what do you guys think? is that too leany forward? should I just wait and see if he contacts me again???
    I felt all hormony 😉 and emotional yesterday…i felt weird figuring out plans with skier guy when pipeline man was at my house….so many feelings!

  127.  #128Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 9:03 am

    I meant “everything seemed” not was seemed lol

  128.  #129Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 9:16 am

    I feel icky about my communication with skier guy and I want to talk about it and I feel the safest place is right here.

    If I were to talk to a friend about it I’m almost positive they would say “call him”

    but that’s not what I want to talk about. My experience yesterday was new. If pipeliner man hadnt been over I would have had time to get into my feelings with skier guy but instead I was in my head about how bad pipeliner man would feel if he knew I was texting another man while he was over…i felt really guilty so I feel it influenced my reaction to skier guy because I was already feeling bad…does that make sense.

    skier guy probably thinks I’m crazy! 😉 buts that’s not my concern what skier guy thinks right???

  129.  #130Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 9:22 am

    Daria, I don’t know why but I feel angry reading fake a$$ b*tch in reference to your mother. I know you’re venting but *I* feel disrespected. It doesn’t feel good. Labeling feels bad. When I do that, it seems God hears me and says yes (giving me more of what I don’t want).

    My girlfriend and I have been talking a lot about honoring our ex-husbands by speaking about them with honor NOW. Neither of us did it during our marriage (or after), and it created a lot of collateral damage. Oddly enough, she and I both have had our hearts open to reconciliation with our exhusbands recently.

  130.  #131Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 9:24 am

    Jilly, I would just sit with those uncomfortable feelings. What you said didn’t feel terrible. You felt turned off. So what. Who knows, you may see him really step up based on that response. Don’t second guess yourself.

  131.  #132Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 9:31 am

    thank you…I will just sit with these icky feelings… thanks for saying “Don’t second guess yourself” that feels good to me 🙂

  132.  #133Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 9:32 am

    AmberS…I liked what you wrote in #123 🙂

  133.  #134Leo on December 9, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Hi Sirens!

    Just found this song on an older post by Rori.
    Just felt like bringing it up again.
    It really got to me and I feel scared, great, afraid, happy, vulnerable, confused, happy and relieved when I listen to that song!


  134.  #135Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 10:12 am

    Jilly, I have had a similar instance lately where I said something and have been second guessing it. Wondering if I should text him again to clarify. But then I thought no. I said what I said. It felt right at the time. No need to clarify or explain UNLESS he asks me. (Which he hasn’t, so sitting on my hands over here.) 😉

  135.  #136Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Simply Shannon, yes…even with pipeline man recently I’ve been feeling like I need to clarify. And yesterday with skier guy I definitely thought it through…I didn’t want to just say “ok..that’s fine I understand”…

    sooo…..sitting on my hands too 😉 over here in Utah 🙂

  136.  #137Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 10:36 am

    @Mercedes says:
    “…Mostly I do it to show him I’m not taking him for granted and I never feel bad when I do it…I do it when it feels right to me…”

    I’m thinking that you have set up household together as a committed couple. My way of thinking is in that case, who pays, especially when it benefits both, flows back and forth out of convenience.

    What we are talking about last night seems a lot different: whether or not I pay for half of the date expense when I’ve been invited on a date planned by a CD I barely know.

    It seems to me, at least in the early days of dating, that if a guy invites me, he invites me! and he pays for it. The thought that I would be sitting in a restaurant, no matter how inexpensive or pricey that he chose, not knowing if the guy was going to ask me to ante up, would be uncomfortable for me.

    There was some mention by a few posters of feeling bad, and guilty. They had the idea guys were thinking they accepted dates to get free meals. I don’t go places just to get free food, the idea is rather icky to me. If a man is thinking of me that way it would feel icky too. Ewwww is all I can say. What a turn off!

    If I’ve known a guy for a while, I’d also invite sometimes and take care of the expenses–I’m not feminine. Or if we are out for the afternoon, on a casual meet up in the city, he’d pay for some things and maybe I’d pay for some things.

    But I’d still like to experiment, if I had enough dates to do that; I’m thinking I won’t…but who knows… But if a guy can’t buy me a cup of coffee and a cupcake on a first or second date, it wouldn’t feel too good.

    I believe some dating coaches are coaching men to get as much physical contact as they can with women, as quickly as they can and to spend as little money as possible.


  137.  #138Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 10:37 am


  138.  #139Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 10:46 am

    @123: AmberS says:

    When I read your post this morning all I could think was

    Hi Amber, you sound like The Red Queen… 😆

    I had same thoughts last week after reading posts. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to turn someone from a path. You can say something but often there will still be a “crash-and-burn.”


  139.  #140Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 10:46 am

    SLV: “I’m thinking that you have set up household together as a committed couple. My way of thinking is in that case, who pays, especially when it benefits both, flows back and forth out of convenience.”

    For me, I prefer to be treated. It’s not about convenience, it’s more about being treated like a date, a love, a girlfriend instead of being about who benefits. When I treat it is spontaneous and it makes me happy but for the most part, he pays. Yes, we’ve set up a household, but we don’t share finances so that might be something that sets us apart from the average couple who lives together.

    Among other things:

    “It seems to me, at least in the early days of dating, that if a guy invites me, he invites me! and he pays for it”

    and this:

    ” But if a guy can’t buy me a cup of coffee and a cupcake on a first or second date, it wouldn’t feel too good”

    Could not agree more.

    “I believe some dating coaches are coaching men to get as much physical contact as they can with women, as quickly as they can and to spend as little money as possible.”

    Yes. They’re out there. I know many of them. They irritate the crap outta me. I always tell them: “Chivalry will not die. Because we ladies will not let it.” LOL. I hope one day to see very high self-esteem, high quality, highly desireable women choose to be treated like ladies.

    Cost doesn’t matter…free…cheap…expensive…whatever…but knowing the man is asking a woman out because he wants to spend time with her and is more than happy to pick up the tab is a wonderful feeling that I hope every woman gets to enjoy.

    Much Love,

  140.  #141Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 10:52 am

    @125: Jilly says:

    “..anyway I asked skier guy if he was still planning on coming with me and he said
    “no, he wants to but he has too much to do but that he’d call me and we could set up a 3rd date”…”

    You gave him the option, “IF”, and he took it. Maybe it’s not fair to then be angry with him. 😀


  141.  #142tinque on December 9, 2010 at 11:08 am

    Chivalry will not die because it’s the natural order or dynamic between masculine energy and feminine energy.

    I asked K what he thought about this paying debate, and he said this, “If he asks, he pays. If she asks, she pays.”

    I will qualify this by saying that even when I asked, he insisted on paying.

    There are SO many things to do for free if both are strapped for cash or even if they’re not. A nice date doesn’t have to cost much if any money.


  142.  #143Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 11:14 am

    tinque: 100% agreement on everything you just said. And by K insisting on paying even when you asked shows exactly what I’m talking about. He knows how to treat a woman like a lady. Soooo cool!

    And if we’re not leaning forward then we’re not asking anyway…sooo….sorta takes away the whole “if she asks” argument… lol

    You two are AWESOME!

    Much Love,


  143.  #144Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 11:31 am

    SLV…I agree with what you said too. I did give the IF option and I do know he was really busy. I did feel a little brushed off too…but he then said he would call to set up a third date (with a smiley face)

    what would you recommend?

  144.  #145Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 11:35 am

    I normally wouldn’t have asked skier guy if he was still planning on coming with me…I would have let him bring it up but I felt rushed and didn’t want to have a long texting conversation with pipeliner man in the other room 🙁

  145.  #146Daria on December 9, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Simply Shannon – I had to reread your post as at first I felt angry.

    I can see how my posts have been shocking. I’m also not used to communicating this way.

    I feel honored myself speaking out my angry voice.

    I feel good.

    I am not stuffing. This is what the vampire scream looks like in words for me.

    Sometimes in the past I would just hold my anger till I felt dizzy. I want to smash stuff. I’d feel guilty to express.

    I Like that I am expressing myself. I claim my right to be full me. There’s no one else I honor above me , and there wint be.

    My anger is mine and I love it.

    I think this is a transition faze between expressing my anger fully in private in order not to give myself cancer and expressing it clearly and directly on the spot.

    You may feel disrespected, I resign all responsibility for your triggers and feelings. Though I do see how u might easily be triggered… Perhaps u never gave yourself permission to speak even to selfanger and attacks and fury towards your parents? I sure didn’t until recently. It still feels shocking to me to witness it pouring out.

    I feel a little defensive. I feel judged for being me, for being true and open and raw and ugly and messy.

    I will just be me anyway and volcano wild words out and attacks.

    This is MY healing.

  146.  #147Daria on December 9, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    It also helps me feel important, powerful, not forgotten silenced and ignored.

    And it helps me feel better, FAST.

    So fast that I can go down and chill w them 5 min later, instead of distant and heavy for 2 days.

  147.  #148Rachel on December 9, 2010 at 12:28 pm


    I hear you and I respect your need to heal in your own way. As a mom of an adult daughter who still needs a lot of help from me, I can feel for your mom too. It’s a difficult balance to know how much to help and when to step back and let your girl find her own way. The times when you feel you have to “mother” her are probably the times when her heart really hurts. I don’t think anyone can understand until they’ve been there … how hard it is to have your precious children all grown and looking at you with such anger in their eyes. It does crush the heart! I don’t know much about your situation, but I send hugs and prayers across the miles to BOTH of you. Mother/daughter relationships are the toughest!

  148.  #149Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    142: Jilly says:

    “what would you recommend?”

    I don’t know. I would probably do as you have done.

    But I’m thinking about it and it’s possible in the future I’ll wait until the guy changes the plan and says so first. Maybe I’ve been too “nice” sometimes.

    This summer I stepped in and removed a guy from plans he made for me because I knew he had become busy at work. Now,,,I don’t know, i think next time I might lean back and see how he would work it out and let him come to me and say he couldn’t do it. Maybe, I’m still learning and thinking about it. I’m so used to leaning forward and arranging everything. 😆 Even when it’s not my plan in the first place…


  149.  #150Jilly on December 9, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    SLV…..I know next time I will just lean back and let him do the arrangin and plannin 😉 I’ve been in my girl energy the whole time I’ve talked/been with skier guy and then all of a sudden I’m talking to him and I’m in my boy energy (trying to get things done as fast as possible with as little communication as possible)…he probably thinks i have multiple personalities cause that’s how different they are lol…oh well…practice practice practice 😉

  150.  #151Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Daria: I have trouble “hearing” you sometime too when you are feeling angry but I think you’ve explained it very, very well. I don’t get your intent to be hurtful to your mother…rather letting it out so you don’t get hurtful. I like this:

    “And it helps me feel better, FAST.

    So fast that I can go down and chill w them 5 min later, instead of distant and heavy for 2 days.”

    Much Love,

  151.  #152Soul Sista on December 9, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    hi ladies ~ after my 3 day date, then coming home and getting sick (starting to feel a bit better) i realize i keep worrying if i did the right thing…music guy assumed before that we were exclusive-long distance…well, i inadvertently agreed so i locked me into a corner…

    so, i think i just need to lighten up and go easy on myself and take care of me moment to moment and NOT worry about that stuff…and realize that what i feel unsafe about is not him, it’s me projecting my head about fears into the future about being 43 and running out of time to have another kid and feeling i could not possibly ever love someone enough like i love him to do that with…because it has taken me 25 years since my son was born and feeling like i want to have a child with someone.

    and focus on what is right in front of me. phew, i feel better 🙂

  152.  #153Daria on December 9, 2010 at 12:51 pm


    ( -.-)

  153.  #154Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    @148: Jilly says:

    “…he probably thinks i have multiple personalities cause that’s how different they are lol…oh well…practice practice practice …”

    Practice, practice. I’m a boy sometimes… Maybe I will be a boy less often. 😆 but sometimes… a boy, a womanly boy.


  154.  #155Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    @151: Daria



  155.  #156Daria on December 9, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    “Loving all of the features we have — the perfect, the quirky, the downright ugly — is one decision that creates beauty.”

    – Mama Gena

  156.  #157Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Daria, I hear you expressing your anger. I know this is not about you but the words you use with your mother really trigger me. Interesting how when you do it with your dad it doesn’t trigger me as much.

    I guess what I’m hearing is blame for a mother doing what feels right to her in the moment. She’s an adult too. Allowed to do as she pleases. This reminds me of calling Meemee’s X toxic or whatever label was used, blaming him for being/ doing whatever he wants. Labeling him didn’t feel good either.

    I am a mother, and I know I eff’ up a lot. I feel okay with that. I ain’t perfect. And neither are my parents. Yes I feel anger with them sometimes but I still respect them immensely. They are who they are.

    I don’t want to be labeled. I don’t want to label others. It feels bad and disrespectful. I feel stuck. I feel angry. I deserve respect. Name calling. Don’t talk about me behind my back and call me a fake a$$ bitch. Grrr. I feel mad.

  157.  #158Soul Sista on December 9, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    daria & shannon: mothers are falliable humans like everyone else. and yup, they get to do whatever they want as adult humans. i spend a lot of time talking to my mom and of course gonna go back to be living with her and i just find something else to do if i’m not enjoying her company…and if i really need more help than she can give me, i reach out to others. or realize i need a plan b. if all else fails deep acceptance.

  158.  #159Daria on December 9, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Well Fu”ck her ! I don’t want to be humiliated and betrayed. Fu,ck that bitch and you don’t even know what you’re talking about . Calling names behind her back?

    I feel like slapping that bit h but I don’t want to do that.

    Fuc$ k that fake as’s bit h for real!

  159.  #160Daria on December 9, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    She can say things I feel humiliated about, sabotGe my plans to take care of myself, put me down and discourage me invade my privacy, instigate my dad against me, act cold to me of she wants to.

    She had every right and

    I have every right to say Fu”ck her!

    I have every right to slap get if I want to

    But I don’t want to.

    I also don’t want to shut myself down and tolerate being humiliated and

    I feel really furious

    Ugh I feel so angry!

    I hate living here and I hate that I haven’t creTef something better and I hate people judging my process

    Fuc$ k off!

  160.  #161Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    What goes around comes around.

  161.  #162Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I feel really mad. I’m looking for a fight. What to do with all this rage…

    It’s not even connected to anything here. I just have my rage radar up.

    I am so not in control of anything. Fear, rage, worry, anguish. I feel exhausted. I want to burrow down into a hole. Go away. I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t want to worry. I don’t want to feel afraid.

    Ugh. I feel sick. I feel sad.

    I am wearing someone else’s emotions and feelings. They are running me at the moment.

    Shake it off. Shake it off.

    My life feels good. It’s not perfect but it feels good most of the time.

    But my heart hurts now. Like a burning sensation. One of my friends is going through a really bad time right now. Really bad. She’s mentioned killing herself. I feel so powerless. And I feel angry. Oh heck yeah. I feel PISSED.

    Don’t f*cking tell me that.


    That solves NOTHING for anyone but YOU.


    I want to beat the sh*t out of something, someone, anything.

    God, please help her. I don’t even know where to begin. Help her and help me. I trust You to work a miracle here. I’m praying for You to make the Sun Stand Still in her life. Give her Your peace and joy. Give it to me too. Please. Help us to see what You see. Help us to see the steps we need to take. Surround us in your light and love. Amen.

    Ah cleansing tears. Thank you.

  162.  #163Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    @159: Lucy says:

    “…What goes around comes around…”

    Yes, that seems to happen… 😉


  163.  #164Daria on December 9, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    I’m seeing ME and what feels right to me in the moment is this!

    And fu”ck you to anybody that has a problem with it.

    I feel rageful!

    That’s like vampire scream and blow you up in red explosions rageful,

    I want to express myself somewhere and guess u have stumbled upon my place of expressing myself.

    Yep I really feel that way

    I gotta acknowledge how angry I am so I can babystep to expressing myself in the moment.

    I refuse to be shut down and fuc$k you for having a problem with it.

    I am really mad.

    I will. Not hurt myself by holding it in.

    Fuc?k that BIT’CH she’s fake and switch siding and she foes it all the time that’s why it’s nit safe to get close to that fake as’s bit h.

    Shell be so nice and then you’ll be horrified when she takes the deeply personal thing u just shared and brings it up publicly by mocking u in front of your father.

    Just cuz you’re triggered about your situation does nit mean you understand mine so all ur judgements and projections are getting the boot at my door.

    I wouldn’t recommend anyone to attack or switch hit me this way because a man wouldn’t see me again and I might choke the f put of a woman doing it.

    But this is my mom

    So all I cam do is fuc?kin cuss on a blog that she wants to humiliate me for writing on too


    I hate you world I hate you so much right now I’m so angry.

    I Hate that I get my energy sucked this way.

    I hate living like a depressed person.

    I hate not having what I want and all the ways u want to bring me to my knees. I hate u.

  164.  #165Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Oh Shannon wow. Prayers and hugs. <3

  165.  #166Daria on December 9, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    what goes around comes around oh good cuz then maybe I’ll get something good back.

    Maybe my mom will stop stuffing and get undeptessed.

    Maybe ill no longer be emotionally abused in my family and neither will no one else.

    Maybe u think that I should be abused and not express myself and you know what you are a fake as’s BIT’CH too for that.

    You are just scared to admit your own rage so you want me to tone mine down.

    Well guess what bitches it’s not happening!

    I’m Gina get bigger and more powerful because I Choose and you will too if u want it.

    U don’t even have to understand me all u gotta do is witness me and I bless u with that and my presence.

  166.  #167Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    @160: Simply Shannon says:

    “… She’s mentioned killing herself. I feel so powerless…”

    Take her words seriously. If you have crisis hotline contact them, contact her family member that she trusts, stay in contact with her physically if possible. If she is on medication, see that she takes it; don’t get pissed if she doesn’t entirely appreciate you at the moment.

    She probably wants to live, we all have the life force but she might not want to continue living the life she has now. Try to help anyway you can. I know you know these things but try not to get angry when she says those horrible words… xoxoxo.

    Until you get better help, take girlfriend out of the house and to the movies. And maybe walk around outside with her even if you don’t talk much. Human kindness kind of radiates out, somewhere inside she will feel you are there.

    Suicide wishes sometimes come true so do what you can to make this wish go away.


  167.  #168Daria on December 9, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    I feel confident that honoring me and expressing all my voices is the most honoring thing I can do fort family and humanity.

    I don’t believe that it’s tough or that parents always treat children a certain way or etc

    I believe we are human. When I look at happy relationships there is mutual respect and honor that way.

    That’s what I want and I will have.

    Happy expressive humans.

  168.  #169Daria on December 9, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    No one deserves my stuffing. My keeping my true self from them.

    And mom I don’t want your stuffing either.

  169.  #170Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    @160: Simply Shannon says:

    Sorry, I didn’t meant not to get angry AT HER. I know you feel anger at the situation.


  170.  #171Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    I feel angry and sad.

  171.  #172Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    Well Daria…I have to take back what I said about understanding. It’s one thing to vent about someone so you don’t attack them and this is a good place to do it. It’s quite another to attack those who are right here. It feels the same as it would feel if instead of writing everything here you actually went and said all of this stuff to your mother. Saying it to someone here is no different.

    Now I’m feeling pissed.

    “Maybe u think that I should be abused and not express myself and you know what you are a fake as’s BIT’CH too for that.

    You are just scared to admit your own rage so you want me to tone mine down.

    Well guess what bitches it’s not happening!”

    Whatever. Time to start skipping over sh*t instead of trying to “get it” and feel empathy for you. I’m pretty much done trying to feel empathy for someone who is so totally opposite of who I want to be.

  172.  #173Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Daria, I’m sorry. I don’t buy it. I feel really mad. Play nice to my face, watch TV with me, feel all concerned about my relationships, my health, blah, blah, blah. And then behind my back and in personal/ private thoughts, I’m the fake a$$ bitch?

    I call bullshit. This is not about me. I don’t want to be called names or be disrespected. What should we do?

  173.  #174Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    And for what it’s worth, I’m putting myself in the position of your mother. Playing along. Why not.

  174.  #175Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Me too. I don’t want to be called names or be disrespected either.

  175.  #176Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Someone commented on YouTube:

    ” ‘Sexy’ had class in 1934.”

    He’s right. My grandmother and grandfather were very sexy. 😀

    Cole Porter´s “Day and Night” ~ Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers


  176.  #177Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    I don’t want Daria to be disrespected by her mother. I don’t want women to be disrespected on this blog… or anywhere for that matter.

  177.  #178Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    Here’s a good quote:

    “Keep your mind ON what you want and OFF what you don’t want!” Napoleon Hill

  178.  #179Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    And thank you for the concern about my friend. She will likely be living with me temporarily for several months. I feel amazed by what God is doing. I know He is lining up the pieces. Will it be enough? Will it be in time? Today I feel scared. Today I feel powerless. Today I am retiring the super hero cap. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just listening and watching for God’s next move. That’s about all I can do.

  179.  #180Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    I’m gonna keep my mind on penises!! Just kiddin!

  180.  #181Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    “She will likely be living with me temporarily for several months.”

    That’s a blessing, the sooner the better. When will she come? She might be a blessing for you too…


  181.  #182Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 2:39 pm


    Suicide threats are the ultimate expression of self-pity. Most often they are a cry for help. I am not saying don’t take it seriously. But if you have a glimpse of the cause, it can help with talking with the person. Probably more than anything what will help is simply listening. Her little girl inside needs attention.

    John 10:10 will give you a clue as to what’s going on. So who will win? I will be praying for her as she comes to mind.

  182.  #183Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    @178: Brenda says:
    “I’m gonna keep my mind on penises!! Just kiddin!…”

    I’m going to keep my mind on…keeping my mind on…keeping my mind on…keeping my mind on…

    not getting stuck…


  183.  #184Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 2:41 pm


    I’ve been thinking about pie a la mode for the last hour and a half. I didn’t even make coffee because I was trying to outlast thinking about having it with apple pie a la mode…



  184.  #185Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 2:42 pm


    I’ve struggled with anger a lot too all my life. I still struggle with it, but I’ve found I bypass it a lot by supernatural power that comes through God’s Love, just washing all over me. I hope and pray for that work in you, too!

    Sometimes when I should feel anger, I just feel a flood of love that makes no logical sense. But it’s just there, and I could fill an ocean with it. It doesn’t come from me. It comes from God living in me.

    I recommend the book, “Run, Baby, Run!”, by Nicky Cruz.

    What do you think/feel?

  185.  #186AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 2:42 pm


    If you’re not wearing it, I may ask to borrow the red cape. Uhoh. Crap- did I imagine that, or is there a red cape? Maybe it’s an ermine cape? Or an ermine trimmed cape?

    Anyway. My own alter ego (who made my very first post here at Rori’s house of healing) is known as the Cat Mother. Or as my daughter likes to call her- the “Hell Cat Mother”.

    She’s extending her claws in a fairly ferocious manner right now and there’s this glint in her eyes… I may let her have her say once I get home from work. Some things I should NOT process whilst sitting at my desk…

  186.  #187Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 2:43 pm


    If you lived nearby I’d offer to join you for coffee and pie a la mode! You are in the wrong company, dear! You’re talking to a chronic overeater! LOL! Mmmm!

  187.  #188Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    SLV, I do feel blessed that she will be living with me. The day she asked I had literally prayed that God would show me how to use my house (four bedrooms and we use two). Voila. She is the answer to that prayer. As well I had been praying about wondering how I would be able to live with someone else. Again, voila. Two birds with one stone. I KNOW things will get better for her. It feels so frustrating to KNOW something and be unable to convey that.

    No, it feels frustrating to want to heal the part of her that I also see in me and be unable to convey love to her and myself. I’m getting this very slowly but at least the download has started.

    And I feel very thankful for other friends who were able to be with her today while I was working. I am not the super hero anymore! The old me would have dumped work and run off to “save” her. Nope. I can’t do it anymore.

  188.  #189Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Hmmm, I’m thinking about hot apple dumplings with ice cream and whipped cream now! Or chocolate peanut butter pie! Mmmm!

    No! No! I’m thinking about walking into my 30th class reunion next summer wearing a size 12! Yes, nothing tastes as good as fit feels! LOL! Ice cream!

  189.  #190Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    @184: AmberS says:

    I think THE RED QUEEN has an all-over red dress. I think her face is red too from all that “off with their heads”-ing. Maybe there is a royal ermine-trimmed robe. I have a Disneyesque image in my brain somewhere… There were also illustrations in the Lewis Carroll book I had as child, but I don’t remember.

    Teeny project, go look up that book!!! hahaha

    “Hell Cat Mother” 😉

    Like it.


  190.  #191Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 2:59 pm


    It would be good if she arrives in time for Christmas. You two could make it a special time for yourselves. A happy time too!

    Going out and looking at the lights transports me to a time when I was tiny child and all was wonderful, actually it’s still wonderful. I love Christmas lights!! My garden is covered in little white fairly lights and I am feeling euphoric every time I walk out the door and through them to the street.

    We have those Dickens looking gaslights all year round but with added ribboning for the season, yummy!!


  191.  #192Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:03 pm


    hey guys! i feel amused that my process is triggering you so

    and bringing me advice and judgements and such

    your OPINIONS don’t much matter to me

    except for certain triggers that i launch off from

    I am healing myself here!

    I feel CONFIDENT AND FULFILLED that this path i am choosing is taking me where i want to go

    i FEEL CERTAIN and very CLEAR about this

    I feel open chested, inspired, joyed

    yes, I would like to have the courage to say to my mom “you fake ass bitch” out loud

    but i don’t AND…

    that’s great too!

    because I want to riff these thoughts out till i get to the CLARITY of FEELING i want…

    so i can express myself in a way that’s not as likely to trigger her to not hear me

    I will eventually not be a fake ass bitch myself… and will be expressing myself clearly and on the spot

    but until then… here is where i unearth myself

    i have a lot of stuffed rage!

    i am gonna throw it out there if anyone wants to catch it go for it – that it triggers you maybe because a part of you wants to express itself this way

    because theres a lot of healing in it!

    meanwhile, I will put up the yellow tape and orange cones


    don’t read if you don’t want to hear excruciatingly loud jackhammers, dirt being thrown up, and gaping manholes

  192.  #193Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 3:05 pm



  193.  #194Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 3:06 pm


    Going to have a wee bite of pie 😆 Then I’ll do level one way of eating for two weeks and then a break for Christmas.

    I want to trim my body too but not so quickly as you are doing. I go slowly…


  194.  #195Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    “i am gonna throw it out there if anyone wants to catch it go for it – that it triggers you maybe because a part of you wants to express itself this way ”

    Or maybe because it’s such a turnoff to think someone who treats others this way also calls herself a siren and expects others to want to be like her. Not the siren I want to be or how, as a siren I want to express myself or what type of siren I would want in my life as a friend that’s for SURE!

  195.  #196Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    well Mercedes – i consider your words as a mirror of mine

    similar intent


  196.  #197Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Yes Daria…exactly…throwing it back out there.

  197.  #198Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    I don’t want to express myself like that. Not at all. Been there done that — mostly as a child, but later, too. I feel glad that I didn’t hold in my feelings when I was a child. Even though the consequences of not holding them in felt yucky at times.

    I feel glad that I am learning (emphasis on Learning)to express myself in ways that are loving to both myself AND other people.

    I don’t want to emotionally abuse other people. And I don’t want other people to emotionally abuse me.

  198.  #199Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    “fake ass bitch”

    same as

    “not someone i would want in my life as a friend”

    kick to your pedestal

    you and me are just the same and

    i see you are catching the challenge bouquet to express yourself this way

  199.  #200Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:13 pm




    throwing the bouquet back in the air!

    😀 😀 😀

  200.  #201Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    horrible translation work but okay…if that’s what you think I meant, have at it…maybe it will help you to think I was calling you fake (I don’t think you are) or a bitch (a word I rarely use). Neither of which was my intent, but if it works it works.

    My intent was really this:

    I’m so glad I don’t have someone in my life like you who I think of as a friend. I’m so grateful for my boundaries that keep women who put other women down out of my life. Some women cannot be helped and you are one…I don’t have friends who cannot be considerate of others and I don’t feel the need to treat those women with consideration either. I just keep them out of my life.

    Of course I choose to participate on the internet so you’ll be here as long as I keep reading but I’m grateful I don’t think of you as someone I still want to have coffee with. That would make me sad.

  201.  #202Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    Lucy –

    i find myself feeling mistrustful of damn near everything you say!

    what a weird feeling

    if you felt so done with expressing your anger this way then – it feels completely untriggering and you really get what im doing?

    no it doesnt seem that way to me

    and i dont trust your words or that you take honest looks at yourself


    me i mostly didnt express shit till like, right now!

    let alone as a child

    i didnt express a WORD

    i mostly would get flooded and totally shut down

    at anger

    and i would never express sadness


    cuz i thought thats what was best in order to protect my mom

    now im trying to unlearn this and UNprotect my mom

    and instead ME be daughter, her be mom


    i am now already an adult too!

    so hmm

    some stuff comes up is child stuff

    and some is adult stuff


    i know that its just so much better than shutting myself down!

    and for me, bold words are so much more honest than

    implied ish like “what comes around blah blah”

    that shit is fake and ugly to me

    uglier than fake ass bitch could be

    cuz fake ass bitch is so clear and BANG

    and other stuff is more like

    ill attack but then i have a cover to pretend i didnt so that i can then continue to be fake

    but wow

    once ive said “fake ass bitch”


    it’s kinda CLEAR what is going on

    that i;m attacking and judging

    and not clear so much to others – tho it is

    but to ME

    there is no pretending that i didnt mean to imply that

    “i don’t like this and that i feel angry”

    when i just yelled out “fake ass bitch”


    it is out in the open

    like smoke after a oldschool rifle shot

    which ive never seen live lol

    but hey

    yes I DID say it

    yes i DID think of

    Vampire Screaming and burning this person and the planet to the ground

    yes i AM capable of this


    yes i STILL stand

    and i can still love me

  202.  #203Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    I’m so glad I don’t have someone in my life like you who I think of as a friend.
    = I hate you bitch … kicking you out the door

    I’m so grateful for my boundaries that keep women who put other women down out of my life.
    = Fuc8k you bitches who don’t like me and agree with me

    Some women cannot be helped and you are one…
    = Bitch you are fake

    I don’t have friends who cannot be considerate of others
    = I don’t fu8ck with fake ass bitches

    and I don’t feel the need to treat those women with consideration either.
    = and YOU ARE a FAKE ass BITCH that i don’t give a FU8CK about. FU*CK how you FEEL!

    I just keep them out of my life.
    = so BYE bitch! Get the fu9ck outta here


    Translation courtesy of Bitch Goddess TM

  203.  #204Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    Ps I dont drink coffee bitch! and i think you’re pretty damn fake too

    I would hate to have your judgemental ass as my probation officer or something


    thats what you remind me of. like the uptight probation officers who think putting you in jail is what you DESERVE and they are just way tooo good/snobby/uppity to understand your humanness

  204.  #205Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    But really I also feel love towards you and I might be willing to have tea or some marijuana with you…

    Supervised of course

  205.  #206Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Feeling interested and nostalgic about this talk of mothers.

    Remembering when I was 20 and dropped out of college and moved back home. My parents let me stay for a few months and then told me I had to get my own place.

    Also noticing my mom and sister’s relationship. She still lives with my mom at 34 and they have what I would label as a very dysfunctional relationship.

    I feel sad and confused about mother/daughter relationships. I feel curious why my relationship with my mother is so different than the one between my mom and sister.

    I feel somewhat immune to my mother’s manipulations. I think that is because I live so far away from her and am not dependent on her in any way.

    I feel happy for healing that has occurred between us. I just got back from visiting my family and I feel thrilled about how our relationship has transformed. She tried to pull me into family drama but I didn’t bite. I held strong to my positive perspective and she met me there. I feel doubtful that I could do that if I was more closely tied to her on a day to day basis.

    I feel somewhat triggered and sad.

    I love my mother. I feel certain she is doing her best. I see her as a fallible human being. I feel so grateful for my independence. I feel grateful that LI got along so well with my dad. They were instant buddies. That feels good. He has three daughters and I feel thrilled to bring him a “son”. I feel worried that sounds weird.

    I hardly ever speak with my mom and we’ve been texting all day today. My visit brought us closer.

    I really love her. I know she means well. She’s just a work in progress like all of us. I feel thankful to share my wisdom with her. I feel thankful that she is now receiving it.

    I feel the sadness lifting.

  206.  #207Luzydel on December 9, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    getting back to the who pays for the date topic…

    I just don’t like to feel that I am using someone, but then again Sunday’s date insisted on taking me to this nice place, so I guess he knew he could pay for it or he would have take me some where more affordable.

    I admit I am not used to be treated nice, My ex husband was not the greatest gentleman and I tend to “find” men who take more than give to me. Maybe what made me feel uncomfortable was that I am not used to be treated nice and I needed to control the situation. Who knows this could be my “Aha” moment, I am more of a giver and a care taker.

  207.  #208Daria on December 9, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    Untrademarking Bitch Goddess so that it can be used by any and all bitches who wish to do so…

  208.  #209Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    I don’t smoke and I made Rori aware that not everyone follows her rules of directing all anger at her and not at other sirens.

  209.  #210Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    Luzydel: “I admit I am not used to be treated nice, My ex husband was not the greatest gentleman and I tend to “find” men who take more than give to me. Maybe what made me feel uncomfortable was that I am not used to be treated nice and I needed to control the situation. Who knows this could be my “Aha” moment, I am more of a giver and a care taker.”

    It took me some time with J too…and I’m still not willing to give up all my independence and just receive all the time (especially big stuff…like my car) but I have learned to open to receiving dinners and drinks and hotel rooms and it has done wonders for us. He and I don’t compete in that way and HE doesn’t have to find other ways to feel like he’s making my evening special…for him, he doesn’t want to try to compete with my checkbook. He enjoys giving to me and I enjoy being open. As long as we are both enjoying, we both get the benefit of being in a good place…which makes for a very lovely evening.

    That part…didn’t come easy for me though. I’ve done a lot of growing.

    Much Love,

  210.  #211Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    LG! I’m so happy you are here! Big HUG!!!

    Much Love,

  211.  #212Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Did anyone see the movie, “Tangled”? It’s really cute and beautiful! I want to see it again! Even tho it’s a kids movie! It lifts the heart!

    I also saw “Love and Other Drugs”, and I recommend it, as long as you don’t mind nudity. It was refreshing.

    I also saw, “Morning Glory”. It was enjoyable, not fantastic. But I mostly liked it because of the woman’s determination and because of Harrison Ford being in it, who is one of my favorite actors.

  212.  #213Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    I feel weird and concerned. I’m trying to focus on how this conversation triggers me. I feel worried that instead I will come across as being indirect.

    I trust myself. I believe in myself.

  213.  #214Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Thanks Mercedes. That feels so sweet to hear. 🙂

  214.  #215AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 3:53 pm


    It seems THE RED QUEEN is not in attendance today? Sorry I didn’t use the caps in my previous post. Doh! I shudder to think that my mental image is a disney construct. Damn.

    And it seems Hell Cat Mother is too busy grooming herself to get all worked up over anything tonight. I sat down at the keyboard, ready to transcribe and she looked at me with the level of disdain reserved for morons and wind up toys. “She’s not MY kitten.” she said. And went back to cleaning her paws. Peh.

    This leaves me to do the posting.


    It’s so much easier to transcribe for her. She’s *always* in her body, and never worries about the results of her rampages. It feels freeing, but it’s a *bitch* to get the blood stains out after.

  215.  #216Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    I’m eating canned mangoes! Mmmm! And I just had homemade Mexican casserole! I’m getting back in touch with my domestic self! Feels like straight luxury to be home!

  216.  #217Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Hmm. Daria, this feels really interesting. I feel curious about your mistrustful feelings about what I say.

    “- it feels completely untriggering and you really get what im doing?”

    The truth is – yes!

    I don’t feel “triggered.” I do feel sad and angry because I see you doing the very things to other people that you protest them doing to you. Yes, what goes around comes around. That was not any kind of attack.

    I DO get what you’re doing, because I did exactly what you are doing when I was a child.

    (I also did it some as a teen and young adult, and a little bit in more recent years.)

    I hear you saying that you did NOT do this as a child, so I do understand that there’s something in there that needs to come out now.

    I honestly do empathize with you.

    I also mean everything I wrote in the last post. I feel bad that you disbelieve my feelings and words. But I am not going to take it personally. This isn’t about me.

  217.  #218Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    LG: I know what you mean, but please don’t let others convince you to question yourself. Most of us know that we can use good words and healthy language and still be direct. It is a very few people in this world who believe you must swear at others or you’re not being direct. I almost never swear but I always seem to get my point across.

    Much Love,

  218.  #219Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    I’m also remembering just a few years ago feeling deeply angry with my mom and screaming at her on the phone. Then I went for a few years hardly speaking to her. Then my sister became dealthy ill and how that brought us together. Remembering how seeing my sister on life support minimized our problems. We had to get along to work towards our mutual goal of supporting my sister to live.

    Wow! This is bringing up a lot of sadness for me.

    Daria: I feel inspired to share my perspective with you. Please please please take it with a grain of salt. Only you know what is best for you.

    But if I were you, I would work towards getting your own place. It sounds like the environment isn’t the best for you. I know you are wanting to create a different relationship with “work” and I get that. I am interested in the same thing. But “work” in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. It can bring independence and freedom. Not to say you couldn’t create that in your current situation but maybe it would be easier to do on your own without the constant triggers from your parents. Work can be fun if you’re doing something you love.

    I used to waitress and I loved it. I imagined every person I was waiting on was god/dess and I felt so honored to serve god. I loved looking into peoples eyes and seeing their divinity.

    Anyway, I respect your decision. I’m just projecting here but if i was in the same situation, I would have to get out. I trust
    your path and I hope understand my intent is to help.

  219.  #220AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 4:03 pm


    I have a couple things I’m pondering because of your troubles with your mom. My daughter just turned 20, and she’s getting ready to go spend a semester studying in a different country. This will be the first time she’s been away, and she probably wont live with me when she gets back.

    Anyway- I wanted to do two things with this post.

    1) give you the personal background for me
    2) warn you that I’m probably going to trigger the fcuk out of you with my next couple posts.

    You may already be too triggered to deal with MY stuff right now, so you may want to skip them.

    If you don’t skip them, and you want to attack me I promise not to take it personally. If I get too drawn in I’ll take a break and come back later.

    It’s all good.

    And thank you to Rori for this space to learn.

  220.  #221AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Oh, and if anybody wants a mood boost (amber style) check out Amos Lee’s new song:


    SO NICE!

  221.  #222Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 4:06 pm


    “Remembering when I was 20 and dropped out of college and moved back home. My parents let me stay for a few months and then told me I had to get my own place.

    I know the situation very well. I “dropped out of marriage” … 😳 When I moved back home and was there for a little longer than a month or so, the dynamic changed especially since I wasn’t self-supporting. So next thing I did was get a job search campaign going and it took me a couple of months. I had a very small child too so that was a big concern.

    I’ve found parents are mostly concerned for welfare of children but really don’t handle things well because even if I’m “back home” I’m not a child any longer.

    Once they got the idea that I could manage and I would not be at home again forever, things were a lot better, we were back to standing shoulder to shoulder as adults. Maybe it’s something primeval…

    Is there a “two to three month grace period” or something?

    And in the future, if they got on my nerves, and they did. 😆 I could leave after a visit. Good bye farewell … auf weidersehen LOL.


  222.  #223Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    Wow, LG. It feels good reading what you wrote about your family! I can relate to almost all of it, too. Very similar feelings, experiences, growth, healing, and understanding.

    I love this: ‘He has three daughters and I feel thrilled to bring him a “son”.’ 🙂 That feels so good to read. My dad has three daughters, and a son who came along “by accident” several years later.

  223.  #224Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    Luzydel. that DOES sound like an aha moment!

  224.  #225AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 4:12 pm


    How are you feeling today?

  225.  #226Daria on December 9, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    LG – thanks!

    yes i want to move….

    right now i am waiting for someone to show up and say i can live with them

    that was what happened with Toronto but then stuff held me back from that

    maybe I will move out here somewhere

    before I move to Brazil

    I don’t know!

    I want some ENERGY shifting help!

    It still feels overwhelming

    too much for me


    Im scared of applying for a job

    i know that I am always late

    and resent schedules

    one planned scheduled thing dominates my whole day

    like this 1 1/2 hour tutoring student i have right now

    all thursday is taken up by that one event

    and im SCARED

    i want to be hand held

    what would be great is to create a biz off the internet

    i want a webcam for Christmas to start making videos

    i dont know how id get money

    but Siena said just take the steps i DO see

    I listened to this old Orna Walters teleclass for the first time

    last nite

    and i felt inspired!

    it was make friends with your fear

    i want Orna to be my coach


    somehow even coaches who believe in you or so they say

    dont well i havent come across yet

    believe tha you would pay them AFTER they assist u to generate something to pay them with



    shaking my head at the world

  226.  #227Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    Brenda! Cool about the movies! My daughter and I want to see Tangled, and I have been wanting to see Love and Other Drugs. (I love Anne Hathaway!)

  227.  #228Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    @221: Lucy

    My parents passed on years ago so wherever healing there was did or didn’t happen. One Christmas when all the siblings were together, we seldom are all in one place at the same time…we remarked that we were orphans…and so we were. Old orphans… 😆

    Strangely, this summer I started “talking” with my father during a bout of health problems. And as often happens, EVERYTHING else that could go wrong, did! I’ve been getting some very good advice, from words I’m sure I’ve heard many times in the past and now lots of them are coming together.

    Our parents are always our parents, and our babies are always our babies.


  228.  #229Daria on December 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    I imagine my ideal world as a very village tent/ hut in the forest jungle place

    that means nto really moving away from parents

    maybe moving in a different tent

    and everyone honoring and having good relationships nevertheless

    so i dono

    im not falling for the

    “theyll never change, its always blah blah, you gotta move away blah blah”

    but i DO want to move away now, becuase i’m feeling drained so

    i need to draw in more power

    to create my tribe community the way i want it

    and to hold that level steadily like you mention LG

  229.  #230Daria on December 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    I dont believe that parents and children relationships doesnt mean that those people cannot interact as equal adults


    bs for me on that one

  230.  #231Daria on December 9, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    i am very AWARE that i am doing the same type of things that i protest are done to me

    this is part of my PROCESS

    i am expressing and letting it be seen with the intent to heal

  231.  #232AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Okay- Trigger 1

    As long as you’re living at home your parents are supporting you.

    Which means that they (in my case, I) get up every day and do something you don’t respect to make the money I use to pay the rent (don’t have the $$ for a mortgage).

    I would love to explore the ‘trust the Universe’ as far as not having to work. But I also have responsibility to keep my daughter fed and a roof over her head.

    She’s of sound mind and able body, so why is it my responsibility to take care of her?

    Oh. Because I gave birth to her.


    I did give birth to her. And I fed and clothed and provided for and housed and loved her for 20 years.

    And every single day that I did that was a day that I was not making choices based on what I wanted, but on what my responsibility was.

  232.  #233Daria on December 9, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    i think the point of pushing away and attacking is no better done with polite words than with swearing

    i LIKE swearing

    it feels freeing

    i feel angry at beliefs that say we’re too good for this etc

    i don’t want to judge communications based on conventions and


    what is that?

    racism? classism?


    i think saying

    i dont like you

    and fuc9k you

    is pretty much the same

    but saying

    i don’t like you and i would NEVER say fu9ck you feels terrible

    i feel ugh angry and furious at those type of beliefs

  233.  #234Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 4:25 pm


    Let me hold your hand…I have gone thru a lot of periods of unemployment. I fear posting this cuz I don’t want to be judged by anyone. I used to hate to work, and I resented it, similar to what you just said. I wanted to be a wife and a stay-at-home mother. I at least wanted to stay home with my dogs and run a business. I didn’t want to leave them all day. I felt best when I was with them.

    I was deep in depression and just couldn’t jobhunt, and I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay home and hide. The world was a scary place.

    Kenny coached me a lot. He convinced me that if I had a job, it would be 8 hrs a day that would pad the rest of my 16 hrs a day to be enjoyable. He reminded all that a job would give me: a home for me and my pets; a nice TV, computer, etc.; trips, clothes, etc. I really didn’t have a choice, because I had no where to go, so I forced myself to.

    Each morning when I left, I wanted to cry, and I said good bye to my dogs. Little by little, I got used to being out and my time owned 8 hours a day.

    After I was homeless for 7 months a few years ago, I had a whole different perspective. It was horrible having no place of my own, and having to beg for every little thing I needed, often getting treated with disrespect and judgment for my situation.

    After that, when I left the dogs in the morning, I said to them, “Momma gets to go to work! Momma goes to work to buy you good food and keep a warm, safe place for us to stay!”

    I started psyching myself into enjoying the job. I told myself reasons why: I got to be around people each day; I got a nice paycheck; I could contribute to a project. Over time, I felt a sense of kinship with my coworkers, and I really had a lot of fun at work. Not always, but many times. I learned how to not let it feel like a job.

    Once I got in motion, I felt an energy shift that helped it feel good to go to work. I felt productive, and of course the best part was having money to make choices and do and buy things I couldn’t otherwise have. I felt good about having my own home, my own car, my dog kids, and all else I was able to buy.

    And that outweighed my yucky feelings at having a job. And now I enjoy having a job, even tho I’d rather have a business. My financial counselor recommended that I get a job and save before I start a business, so I can start it without going into debt.

    What do you think and feel?

  234.  #235AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    So last month, after much work on me and some awesome help with Inner Bonding, I set out some new rules.

    And I told her that if she didn’t respect my boundaries then she needed to find a new place to live.

    Mind you- she’s an awesome kid. She works and goes to school full time. She gets good grades. She tries hard.

    And yet.

    I pay the rent. I buy the food.

    At this stage I don’t owe her anything.

    And so, my house, my rules.

  235.  #236Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    “…the fcuk out of you with my next couple posts…”

    Well, *&^% on with your bad self! I’m leaving to run an errand but I’ll be back later. I tend to leave a few dozen windows open on laptop and Rori’s is one…so always popping in and out.

    I hope I see you again when I pop back, LG, Miss M, Lucy, Brenda, Daria, Luzydel, everyone…

    So many people who were posting a couple months ago, I don’t see. I guess they have found true love and are onto the happily every after. D’ya think?


  236.  #237Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    “Most of us know that we can use good words and healthy language and still be direct. It is a very few people in this world who believe you must swear at others or you’re not being direct. I almost never swear but I always seem to get my point across.” (Mercedes)

    This reminds me of when I read the book “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” a few years ago. I hardly ever swear, and I grew up in an environment with very little swearing. Well, this book was FULL of “the f-word” and at first I was kinda put off by it (it had always seemed to me that ppl used words like that bc they didn’t know enough “normal” words to adequately describe their feelings). . . but the guy was such a good writer that he had me hooked, so I kept reading —

    and eventually had an Aha moment: He was using that word to express inexpressible pain.

    Over and over and over. In the many intensely painful situations he found himself having to live through.

    I gained an understanding of why people swear.

    It became one of my favorite books ever.

  237.  #238Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    I;m leaving not in a hail of bullets but in a (what’s the group name for typos?) a bunch of italics.


  238.  #239Daria on December 9, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Amber – well making those choices was also a choice.

    there are some moms who choose NOT to take care of their children

    so what


    i dont believe in money

    i see it is triggering and i am babystepping myself out of being triggered

    anyway, someone providing for me (makes me think of a husband)

    doesnt mean that i have to tolerate them treating me badly

  239.  #240Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 4:35 pm


    “He was using that word to express inexpressible pain.”

    That is true.

  240.  #241Mercedes on December 9, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    SLV: I think they left because Daria has changed the vibe around here and has broken the safety and started calling other sirens the most horrible names. And she’s doing it all in the name of “progress” and “healing”.

    Much Love,

    Daria: Personally yeah…when I “meet” someone who feels entitled to my money by standing in a welfare line (not a person who NEEDS it, but a able bodied person who feels entitled to it because she doesn’t “want” to work and wants to mooch off her parents and complain about it) and then complains yet again because someone else isn’t giving her a free ride to the welfare office so now she has to wait for the money I’ve worked so hard for…yeah…I feel “better than”.

    And to have that person turn around and call someone else here a fake ass bitch when that person hasn’t done anything to deserve it…

    Lame excuses for horrible, hurtful behavior toward others needs to be called what it is. Lame.

    Is that direct enough for you Daria?

  241.  #242sia on December 9, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    it is so very strange how differently one can be seen.
    In my teens I used to see people who did not operate with the same concepts as me as fake. I know you don´t have the relationship you want and struggle like all of us, but somehow you are my heroine, in being so truthful and gentle, and brave about being different.

    Off topic: it will always stay in my heart how Mercedes said that pregnant teens are never congratulated, and should be, by an advisor. And Lucy said she would consider fostering a child.

    my pet rabbit died, I was throwing up from crying. Still in that frame of mind that everything ends, what is the point… remembered how my grandma died. When that happened, I remembered all the horrible things I said to her, and I would have crawled on broken glass if I could take them back. Same thing happened when my mum had a health scare. And I still do it, because I take her for granted again, but she is not! I will try to remember my rabbit, and my grandma next time I am triggered, and will do just vampire scream – wordless – instead.

    I hate interviews and get scared of new enviroments, rather stay at low paying job than prepare a CV full of half truths, which is expected. So I get it with the work….It seems to me that you do not feel powerful enough living off other people financially, and your parents feel drained giving and that is why all this happens. Maybe work would be bad, but would not bring on such powerlessness? Timekeeping is challenging, that is true, but it is just a habit. Have you considered therapy for ergophobia?

  242.  #243Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Hi Amber. Thanks for asking. I am feeling about the same as before. I picked up my daughter from college today (done for semester) and it feels good to have a bit more activity in the house now. My son goes to his first counseling appt tomorrow, and I feel sad about his sad feelings. Overall, I feel a lot of sadness and lack of motivation, and some anger at God and the world over the fact that I don’t have a loving husband in my life.

    Thanks for caring. *sad little smile*

  243.  #244AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    So here’s where I’m not even bothering to dress this in nice siren language.

    My impression is that you make your parents every bit as miserable as they make you.

    And I don’t agree with the way they communicate their frustrations/anger whatever to you.

    But while you’re here, growing & learning they’re off doing whatever they do to support you financially and physically.

    I’d fcuking resent you if I were them. And I’d feel so completely stuck. Because they birthed you, so they’re stuck with you. They’re stuck between responsibility and love and resentment and feeling taken advantage of.

    And yes- I’m TOTALLY projecting here.

    But here’s what I’d say to you- now – if I were them.


    And here’s how I’d say it- Inner Bonding/Evolved style

  244.  #245AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    You have the right to pursue your dreams. I want you to have everything you can imagine.

    I have given you a safe place to dream those dreams for XX years.

    I’m proud of you.

    I’m proud that you’re brave enough to dream big.

    I’m proud that you’re an amazing woman with an amazing amount of knowledge to share.

    I’m proud of your vocabulary and your dedication to healing yourself.

    I’m proud that you’re exploring spiritually. I’m proud that you are dedicated to your growth.

    And I’m sorry that I have made the mistakes I’ve made in my parenting of you.

  245.  #246Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Here’s a post from “shootmywad” on craigslist:

    You’re that HOT little thing with the nice tits and hot ass just WAITING for a guy like me to come and HIT it GOOD!!! You’ve found that guys your age just don’t have the MUSCLE or the STAYING POWER to calm that TINGLING SENSATION between your legs…so…this tall, fit, athletic, hung, sexy SWM professional says let’s get together for a drink…we’ll sit real close so you can run BOTH of your hands over my BULGE…and you’ll get to FEEL what you’re gonna get!!! Send a pic. IM or e-mail me at mrmuscle572 on yahoo.


  246.  #247AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    I love you and I have always loved you, even when I’ve been too angry and hurt and frustrated to act from a loving place.

    Somehow I’ve failed to help you learn survival skills. I’ve failed somehow, because you are here and you have no means of supporting yourself monetarily.

    I want you to be able to continue to explore and grow, but it’s no longer loving to myself for me to support you financially while you do so.

    I believe in you.

    I believe that you will figure everything out and have an incredible, vibrant life.

    I know that whatever energy blocks you have that keep you from bringing the financial support to yourself will resolve for you.

    In spite of my best efforts, I somehow failed you in this aspect of your growth.

    I’m sorry.

    I would like to help you, but I am going to be loving to myself, first. Because I can’t love you in a healthy way if that means I am abandoning myself.

  247.  #248Daria on December 9, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    Siren language is not NICE

  248.  #249Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    Thank you, Sia! Wow, that felt so good to read! I’m nearly crying and — wow, I feel grateful and inspired by your words to/about me. Your words feel very healing. Thank you. <3

  249.  #250Isis on December 9, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    “it’s just static and spinning your/our wheels anyway.

    You ARE explaining a lot of stuff here-

    I bet this is a pattern with you, your life, your older son, and your friends, and family.”

    explaining… ? here? or to him? Here I think is fine to explain, because I want to receive feedback that is relevant to my situation. In general, oh well, working on it. =)

    So yes, all the thinking… Yes, it is just static. I have way too much going on right now, I feel so overwhelmed. Venting provides a little relief knowing that it will only be received in a constructive way, and keeping myself from actually doing something. There is way too much thinking going on in my head.

    I am relieved that I am venting all that thinking here, and not thinking to my men or acting on it. 😉

    I am doing better and better at feeeeling.

    And naming how I feel and acting on that.

    “And you are *attempting to control*[yup] the actions/efforts of his mother by “minimizing” her efforts, offers, and invitations. ”

    I am not sure where I was trying to minimize anything she’s doing..? The only place I see where you may have been referring to was where I said I wanted to have xmas at my home?

    I wanted to have christmas with all elements of our families involved. That seems fine to me. Otherwise, not sure what you could have been referring to.

    What or whom is mama Gena?

    Thanks for your response Nikita!

    “It’s saying TRUST ME


    That is what I’ve been getting lately, too.

  250.  #251Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Daria: have you heard of wwoofing?

    I did it or several years and had an awesome experience. First I livedand worked at this sweet raw food retreat in Northern Cali. Then I lived/worked at this permaculture farm/retreat in Hawaii.

    Basically, you get to live and work at these places in exchange for helping out. Both places had that village feel. I really loved it. Changed my life for sure. You can do it all over the world.

    I didn’t go thru the wwoofing website. I found some places and contacted them directly. There are places all over the world you can go to.

    You are so smart and talented. I know you have fears but sometimes we just need to have positive experiences with things. It’s like we have no experience to relate to in our heads. Dunno if that makes any sense how I am explaining it.

    Anyway, wwoofing…great way to get out into the world w/o a lot of money and have some really cool experiences.

  251.  #252AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    So to honor your own belief that money is a fantasy (illusion is the word they use, I think)

    Stop costing your parents money.

    You have the right to any belief you hold.

    The house they pay for and the food they provide- that’s all part of the illusion.

    If you *really* want to go that route, you have to go all the way.

    Stop living in their illusion.

    When you’ve successfully created and materialized your reality, then you can come back and show them.

    Otherwise you’re not being honest with yourself.

  252.  #253AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    And Daria- I do love you. This is me- Amber- not me projecting.

    And in between some things I also hear that you have amazing talent and a desire to HELP THE WORLD

    and I love that about you.

    And I want for you everything that you want for yourself. To me (the real me, not the I’m projecting as a parent me) it seems like the Universe is laying out the groundwork for you to have your dreams.

    And you are baby stepping your way to them. To help the world may require organization. It may require discipline. It may require scheduling. Heh. If these are your challenges, then IMAGINE how things will be once you’ve met them!

    Amelia Earhart said:

    “The best way to do it, is to do it.”

  253.  #254Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    SLV, thanks for sharing about your family. <3

  254.  #255AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    Hi Sia!!
    It’s god to ‘see’ you 🙂 I was just wondering where you’d gone!

  255.  #256Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 5:19 pm


    I like that about wwoofing! Gonna check it out! Thanks!

  256.  #257AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 5:19 pm


    Welcome home to your daughter! Yay! Soon ALL the kids under the same roof!

    I hope you find a way to let go of the sadness. Maybe it can transform itself into…

    What? What feeling does Lucy want?

  257.  #258Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Sexy Lady: So you got the 2-3 mo window too?

    I’m so grateful now when I look back. I feel so sad when I see how frustrated my mom gets with my sister who lives with her. And I can see how hard it is for my sister to hear my moms frustration all the time. In a way it makes me really sad but I also understand it’s there path to work out. I’m so thankful that I followed my path even tho I was shoved out the door a bit.

    P.s. I kind of come and go here. I almost always read but sometimes I get introverted and don’t post. If I had a better Internet connection I suppose I would feel more inclined. But also, it’s a great way for me to counteract the addictive effect this blog has on me 🙂

    For me, the answer was to leave. For my sister it

  258.  #259sia on December 9, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Thank you, Lucy, although no feedback necessary

    I was musing, like when I got up and week ago and there was snow outside, and I felt wow! gratitude is all mine.

    Association, when I get some compliment from time to time which really hits the spot, I don´t feel like talking at all, just melting and enjoying, and sometimes have to force myself to say thank you /usually when I stay quiet there is a worried question as to whether I am ok with what was said. my beatific smile seems to not get it across to guys:( /

  259.  #260sia on December 9, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    AmberS, so pleeeaaaseed to see greeting from you!
    I don´t have internet at home, just sometimes buy some pay as you go credit, unbelievable at this day and age, right? I don´t even have iphone /considering counselling on this one/.
    I usually read posts after real time, after I saved them at work.

  260.  #261Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    SLV: Their not there

    silly typos

    I would love to stop worrying about them I love my typos 🙂
    I love my imperfections.

  261.  #262AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 5:28 pm


    Actually, maybe you just want to sit with the sad smile. Sorry I immediately wanted to change it.

    Here’s a song instead


    and a {{{HUG}}}

  262.  #263Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Lucy: I can relate to what you say about feeling closer to your dad. My mom always felt like a wild card to me. It seemed like her emotions ruled everything. She was always so dramatic.

    I wonder if I was turned of by how she expressed her feminity. She definitely didn’t do it the Rori way. She expressed her feminine feelings in an attacking, blaming, guilting way. She doesn’t do that with me anymore simply because she knows I won’t play with her when I act like that.

    I wonder what it would be like to have a mom who radiates feminine energy.

    Mmmm, I’m musing and going on a tangent.

    Mostly just wanting to say hi! 🙂

  263.  #264Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Wow, Amber. Thank you for the song! I’ve never heard that before and it is beautiful.

    I feel blessed tonight by the love I am receiving on siren island. <3

  264.  #265Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    Woah! I feel intrigued and amused by this typo. Freudian slip?

    I said, “She doesn’t do that with me anymore simply because she knows I won’t play with her when I act like that.”

    I meant to say when SHE acts like that.

    But maybe it was me.

    Oh my gosh! Sometimes this mirror thing is just too much 🙂

  265.  #266Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Hi LG. 🙂 It’s strange, my younger sister and I get along very well — but she gets along MUCH better with my mom than my dad!

  266.  #267AmberS on December 9, 2010 at 5:40 pm


    Thank you for posting about wwoofing! I am considering moving to Hawaii when my daughter leaves to study in France. I’ve been doing some research online.

    What a blessing! Thank you 🙂

  267.  #268Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    From here on out, I vow to let my typos go. I will not apologize for my imperfections. I love and accept myself. I know that when it really counts, I can type adequately. Here is more about communicating and connecting and I can’t do that as much if I am overly concerned about being perfect.

    From here on out, I will let this go. I know my intent. I know what I am capable of. I’m going to give myself a break.

  268.  #269Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    Lol, LG. I think maybe there IS something to the mirror thing with our parents — I think it’s that they mirror to us the little girl stuff that still needs to heal. Once we heal it, they stop “doing it” (whatever it is that they are “doing to us.”)

  269.  #270Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Lucy: same with my sister!

    She sees my dad as somewhat emotionally unavailable. I appreciate this about him tho. In my eyes he’s always been stable and dependable. And my mom, too emotionally available (although as I said, my relationship with her has changed immensely).

    It’s so interesting how siblings can have such different experiences of their parents.

  270.  #271Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    Re: typos … Yesterday I posted a comment on someone’s fb status and made a typo so minor that it didn’t change anything at all, but I felt horrified and I quickly cut it and pasted it with the correction before anyone could “like” it the way it was!!!

    (Shannon, you may have seen it in its first incarnation bc you were commenting on the same thread. Hehe. :))

  271.  #272Lucy on December 9, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Interesting, LG! I think my sister sees my dad as too rigid — but I see him as stable and dependable. 🙂

  272.  #273Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Lucy: re 267

    yes, I agree. Wow! I am feeling so much gratitude for my parents right now. They really are cool people who are doing their best. I love them so much!

    On another note, my trip back home brought out the overfunctioner in me. I really wanted LI to meet my family so I took care of everything. Booked the tickets, made all the arrangements, tried to make it as easy as possible for him.

    Well, although the trip was nice and he got along well with my family, I really started resenting him. I felt so angry and irritated because I didn’t feel like he was stepping up. At the airport on the way home, I got soooo angry because he was all spaced out. I felt like I was dragging a little kid around. It was horrible.

    Overfunctioning really made me resent him.

    Now that we are home, things have gotten back to normal but I really learned a lesson.

  273.  #274Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Seriously! On the trip he seemed like a spaced out little kid.

    Not the step up kinda guy I’m used to.

    Ugh, I’m getting triggered just thinking about it.

  274.  #275Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    Brenda and Amber: I feel so glad that mentioning wwoofing inspired you.

    Some places that don’t go thru the official wwoofing site might call it work trade.

    I had such an amazing experience doing it. It’s also a way to get involved with intentional communities. Different places have different areas of focus. So just about anyone could find a place that focuses on what they are interested in…organic farming, herbal medicine, communication skills, raw foods, making crafts, yoga, alternative education, self-growth techniques, healthy eating.

    And even tho it’s work trade, it’s possible to find ways to move to a paid position if u like the place.

    I actually started dating one of the farm owners and started a business with him. That’s a whole other story. 🙂 but my point is, there are ways to expand beyond work trade when you find a place where you want to stay a while.

  275.  #276Laughing Goddess on December 9, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    Amber: I feel touched by your Margaret Paul version of what you would say to your daughter/ Daria. I’m imagining what I would feel like hearing that as a daughter.

    Mostly i felt really great reading it. I was triggered tho when you said you failed.

    I hear self abandonment in that statement. I find myself tensing up as I hear that. Some part of me knows it’s not true and I (as your daughter) feel guilt for you believing that. How do you know you’ve failed? I’m only 20. I have many years left to demonstrate that you’ve succeeded.

    By hearing that you’ve failed, I feel bad. Perhaps I didn’t live up to some expectations you had. But those are your expectations. I’m can only follow my heart.

    I appreciate your efforts to communicate with me in a different way. Most of it felt amazing but I feel stingy with that one part.

    ****back to LG*****

    I feel good processing that. Heals an incomplete conversation from my past life. Thank you 🙂

  276.  #277Simply Shannon on December 9, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    Fake A$$ bitches. I am suddenly a fan of this phrase. Cuts right through the BS. Thank you Daria for that. I still don’t want to use labels but getting clear about being real… I’m feeling you. Thank you for being you.

    Mercedes, what you wrote to Daria is triggering the hell out of me. I appreciate that you have boundaries, and I appreciate your honesty with Daria. I don’t get it but it’s not my life.

    “I’m so glad I don’t have someone in my life like you who I think of as a friend.”

    My brain said “ain’t that a nice big ol’ pile of cowpie?” as I slowly moved away so as not to contaminate myself with such “nice” words.

    I feel angry and smug.

    Dress it in a choir robe and spray some perfume on it but it still reeks of bullshit.


    To paraphrase my four year old… “I don’t wanna be your friend”.

  277.  #278Luzydel on December 9, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    So I was talking to this guy who I went on three dates before (Fling guy), we sort of stop contact. Today he calls and says to please call him some times because that makes him feel good and that I really have interest in him, and that he doesn’t want to feel rejected by me.

    I sort of pushed him away and freaked out. So I stopped contact… I thought he was leaving since we had sex on the third date and I thought he just wanted a fling…

    Last time w were chatting and this is what we said…again I am baby stepping with feeling messages so I may sound clumsy…

    Him: you don’t want to see me?
    Him: what is wrong?
    Him: I am not doing anything bad
    Him: I thought you knew me better than that
    Me: don’t feel like I really know you…
    Him: why not?
    Him: I am a good person
    Me: I feel confused, I am not saying you are bad, just don’t really know how you really feel about me as a person
    Him: I really like you
    Him: I wanted to show you
    me: I felt scared, I admit that
    Him: you were scared of me?
    me: scared of being used,
    Him: I will not use you
    Him: I promise
    Him: I must admit the sex was good
    me: 🙂
    Him: Let get together
    Me: just as a date…I want to hold sex for a while until I can feel the guy cherish me as a woman…
    Him: ok,
    Him: sounds good
    Him: so have you been with anyone since me
    Him: lol
    me: no sex, but been on dates just meeting people
    Him: ok, sounds good
    Him: I can date you now
    Him: lol
    Him: I want to come see you soon
    Me: like I said sex got me confuse, I rather be clear about feelings before having sex…
    Him: ok
    Him: can i kiss you
    Me : small kisses 😉
    Him: I want big kisses
    Me : hehe we’ll see
    Him: I might not tell kiss you
    Him: your kisses are good
    Him: You may break my heart…
    Me: *****
    Him: *****

    bla bla bla

    me: I got to go to bed G’ Nite
    Him: I miss you

    So I will put this guy on my horse and see what happens…maybe he wasn’t a fling after all? I don’t know. He told me he will come by Sunday before my dance class for a few mins. I really want to hold the sex, since I discovered I get hung up on men after sex and get all confused. I don’t know, I feel so confused. Men from the past are coming with a message for me… I am nervous.

    What to do?

  278.  #279Dorothea on December 9, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    it rains men in my life right now. some of them just friends, some of them wanting more…
    all wonderful delicious men.
    i <3 mens

  279.  #280myesha on December 9, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    well you have helped my relationship alot i love what you say its like your a big sister that gives me amazing advice and i love u for that

  280.  #281Dorothea on December 9, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    i feel bursting with stuffed emotions. I couldn’t tell you what they are exactly, but i am bursting full with them.

    ohhh i feel like dumping everything that bothers me about everything and anyone ever.

    rahhh rahhh rahhh.

  281.  #282Dorothea on December 9, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    i feel anxious about my performance at work.
    what else?
    i dunno i guess i stopped feeling anxious once i said something about it.

    ummm i still feel bursting with unidentified emotions. this feels bad. :'(

  282.  #283Katnina on December 9, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    Omg, it WORKED!
    I surrendered to phishman yesterday (post #77 above). And I really just let it go.
    Felt my vibe shift.
    Today, phishman friend requested me on facebook, and sent me a message on it asking about a silly plan he came up with for my job that we talked about on Friday at the party.
    Ahhhh! I’m amazed!
    Yet also not amazed at all.

    Soooooo cool. Energy shifting in action.

  283.  #284Katnina on December 9, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Brenda & SLV,
    Regarding losing weight, hope I’m not overstepping my bounds here, but i wanted to share something that helped me lose 15lbs a couple years ago: i started drinking super yummy tea when I wanted a snack but knew I wasn’t hungry, just bored or tense or upset or happy or…whatever emotion was triggering me to eat when not hungry.
    I loooove:
    Celestial seasonings holiday teas.
    They are so good with a bit of almond milk and maple syrup. Really satisfying and warm and cozy. Not quite a cookie, but they actually make me feel better than a cookie does bc they are healthy and I know I’m making a better choice for my body.
    My favorites (all with no caffeine so good for bedtime):
    Gingerbread spice
    Candy cane lane
    Sugar cookie sleigh ride
    I noticed I feel much better when I choose tea instead of sweets when I’m not actually hungry. It feels like I’m taking care of myself. (when I am hungry, tea of course won’t cut it, so I try to choose healthy food first and then a small treat if I’m still hungry)
    I also committed to walking my dog for at least 45 minutes a day, on top of dance class.
    She’s my furry personal trainer and I can’t let her down, she’s too cute! Even when it’s freeeezing

  284.  #285Daria on December 9, 2010 at 8:52 pm


    I always wondered how you made your life so great

    i am gonna check out wwwoffing!

  285.  #286Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    @82: Katnina says:

    “…Regarding losing weight, hope I’m not overstepping my bounds here…
    Celestial seasonings holiday teas.
    …My favorites (all with no caffeine so good for bedtime):
    Gingerbread spice
    Candy cane lane
    Sugar cookie sleigh ride,,,”

    No, no, no, not overstepping bounds…maybe you do not know or have noticed, I always welcome tips.

    I’ve been drinking Celestial Seasons for years, right now I’ve got Raspberry Zinger, but I’ve never even seen those tea mixtures! I will go shopping for them tomorrow! I especially like CS teas over crushed ice. Those holiday teas flavor names sound like they would also be good hot.


    I am easing back into way of eating mostly veggies, fruits, whole grains, high protein foods and healthy oils, low sugar. This sort of kills it for cupcakes… (sigh) 😛


  286.  #287Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 9:16 pm


    Thank you! Excellent idea! I was actually craving some nice hot tea earlier! Then I forgot by the time I got home. I love the idea of almond milk and maple syrup!

  287.  #288Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 9:17 pm


    No pie a la mode then? 🙂

  288.  #289sunshine192day on December 9, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    I have been told that it’s best to stick within your own faith to find a therapst. The reason behind that advice is that the therapt’s answers can be backed up by the religious manuscript of the belief. FOR EXAMPLE ONLY: Rori could give me great references in The Bible of why she is saying be faithful to your husband if she was Christian, by siting the scriptures that involve that. What do you gals think of that advice?

  289.  #290Jas on December 9, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Oh boy, here come my sad feelings…I feel saaaaaaad. I feel mostly empty, like nothing will ever fill up this emptiness..the hole in my heart where my ex used to be, even though what he gave me was mostly crumbs. I’m afraid i will never be able to trust anyone again. I’m afraid that the love I’m longing for doesn’t exist. That I’m making it up, it a fantasy. I feel angry that since I found out he was cheating my ex has been calling and texting me non-stop, 2 1/2 weeks of this. Where was all this attention before? I can never trust you. I feel disillusioned. I am already CD’ing and it makes me feel better, BUT I am not really attracted to the other guy I’m dating, I am no longer attracted to my ex. I feel empty. I feel nothing.That feels scary, because I don’t know how to process “emptiness”. I know how to process anger, hurt, disappointment,victimization. But how do I process “empty”?? Does a husband exist in the future for me or am I just a cautionary tale? I feel so empty I don’t even have tears because they refuse to come, they feel like they’ve done their job and they have no reason to come. 🙁

  290.  #291Brenda on December 9, 2010 at 10:15 pm


    Sorry you are hurting. I hope this doesn’t sound like a pat answer, but maybe one thing that will help a little is to find someone to cheer for the holidays.

    Getting your mind on helping someone else be happy may help you feel filled inside.

    If you want to smack me, go ahead.

    It’s a deep pain. I pray for love to fill the emptiness, God’s Love.

  291.  #292Jas on December 9, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    Brenda – lol…I would never want to smack you…finding someone else to cheer is a good suggestion. I’m sure there are plenty of people who I could be of service to in some way….thank you for your prayer also..

  292.  #293Senior Lady Vibe on December 9, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    @286: Brenda says:

    No pie a la mode then? ”

    Yes pie a la mode. 😀 One joy of singledom…pie a la mode for dinner, not FOR, IS dinner… LOL


  293.  #294Daria on December 9, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    The only way to master the physical plane is by avoiding goal-oriented actions. ~ Barbara Miller

  294.  #295Daria on December 9, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    lol Mary Croft ~

    “I have had a love/ hate relationship with money my entire life and I’m certain I’m not alone in this. It took me years to reconcile; I realized that ‘money’ is indeed the problem – rather, represents the problem. I became ripping tired of hearing, “money is just an exchange of energy”, “its only bad if you say its bad”, “there is nothing inherently wrong with money – its how its used that matters”, “money, as with everything else in the world, is only how we think of it”, “there is enough money for everyone”, etc. All this is rubbish for the sole purpose of justifying and assuaging our fear as, in our hearts, we know there is something inherently wrong with the concept of ‘money’. All the ‘wrong’ on this planet is due to someone’s belief that ‘money’ will improve their circumstances.”

  295.  #296Golden on December 9, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    Luzydel, bravo, way to go! you’re on the right track.

    For me, i’ve been sad and confuse after my date with LI. He was not feeling too well that day. We did kiss but not the kiss that he’d always given me. He was kind of anxious to go home.

    so i gave him some feeling messages just now.

    Me: I feel sad you didn’t want to kiss me that day.
    LI: Not that, didn’t want to pass the flu to you.
    Me: If you not feeling well tomorrow, dont have to come see me then. Cause i want your full attention on me!! 🙂
    LI: I’ll see how it is.

    Do i sound like some whiny kid?

  296.  #297Daria on December 9, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    “all philosophies about money include that we are meant to work for it. I have no fear of work but not for something of no substance and certainly not for something which is keeping me enslaved. I notice that it is the pittance which keeps people stuck in jobs they hate. If there were no ‘pay’ would you continue to do what you are doing?”

  297.  #298Daria on December 9, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    “Money is the most tangible evidence in our entire existence of our belief in our separation from one
    another. This, and only this, is why it is the root of all evil. It is the biggest, most common demonstration of our belief that we are not ‘all one’. We use money every day, albeit often interpreted as an exchange, yet by far more often it is clearly regarded as a ‘payment for’ …. not much.”

  298.  #299Daria on December 9, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    “We have all experienced the feelings of importance, gratitude, love, and also relief when someone gives us a break on cost. Is it possible for us to expand our circle of friends and family to include “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine”? It is said that we are only 6 people away from anyone on the planet. I think that we are all so connected at a particular level of consciousness that somehow we all realize that anyone, even from a completely different culture, religion, country, race, IS “my self”.
    If we were all family, we would feel no compunction about doing what we do and charging nothing. Well,
    we are all family – why are we charging for what we do? Is it because too many of us are doing what we
    don’t want to do and so we are subconsciously demanding compensation for our suffering? Whose fault is it that we are doing something that doesn’t grant us joy? Why not stop doing what we don’t enjoy doing?
    What if we were all doing what we love to do? Would we feel as if we needed to be compensated? Why? I
    have heard several Rapid Eye Technicians, including me, claim, “I love doing Rapid Eye so much, if I didn’t
    need to pay the rent, I’d do it for free.””

  299.  #300Daria on December 10, 2010 at 12:00 am

    “Along the way we’ve also conjured up this absurd idea that if we don’t pay for something we don’t
    appreciate it. Says who? – people who feel guilty about charging and feel they have to defend it – that’s who.
    Some of my dearest possessions I have received at no cost. Think of an item you bought ‘on sale’ – don’t
    you actually feel better about the object for having gotten a bargain? I agree that the ego believes it doesn’t deserve ‘something for nothing’, however, this is a problem with an egotistical belief system which requires release and healing; it is never the circumstances which require healing – there is nothing outside the mind.
    So paying for something in order to ‘appreciate’ it is just another con game of the ego mind and anyone who repeats it is again falling for the belief that we are separate from one another.”

  300.  #301Daria on December 10, 2010 at 12:05 am

    ““Don’t quit your day job” is a perfect example of emotional blackmail. My son is a musician; my job is
    to encourage him and not say, “But how are you going to support yourself?” A definition of ‘evil’ is:
    selling or trading our aliveness for survival. Deepak Chopra told his children: “You are meant to do whatever allows you happiness. I will always make sure you are fed and housed. Your job is to reflect the power and love and joy of your Creator by doing what you’ve been created to do.””

  301.  #302Daria on December 10, 2010 at 12:08 am

    “I ask people, “If I could give you anything you want what might that be?” They always say, “money”.
    But if that’s all they want then that’s all they’ll get – NOT what they think it will buy them. If I were to give them a million $, in a safe, then that’s all they’ll have (without the combination to the safe). They now think they can go and buy a house. Yet, if the house is indeed what they want, why didn’t they tell me, “a house”?
    People don’t truly know what they want. Why make this a 2-step process? Why have to ‘go shopping’
    when they can simply manifest the house. Why bother manifesting cash. Manifest precisely what you want, not what you think you want.”

  302.  #303Daria on December 10, 2010 at 12:10 am

    I want unrefined sunflower oil

    super healthy yummy feeling food

    safe and encouraging beautiful soulfull natural place to sleep and hang out

    and comfortable

    music laughter and feeling in the spirit

  303.  #304Daria on December 10, 2010 at 12:11 am

    an easy way for people to reach me to communicate with me even from far away

    internet and my cell phone number from way back

    being appreciated for my gifts

  304.  #305Daria on December 10, 2010 at 12:13 am

    “Attachment to anything outside ourselves depletes our peace of mind. Can we ever detach from $$$ ?
    Since $$$ and its use represent the belief that we are separate and in competition with each other, if we were to change our minds about this, then $$$ would cease to exist. We simply wouldn’t need it.”

    When we clear our personal stuff, we can go cosmic. – Barbara Marciniak

  305.  #306Katnina on December 10, 2010 at 12:14 am

    “If there were no ‘pay’ would you continue to do what you are doing?”
    If there were no pay, i wouldn’t keep my job. But I’d find another one that does pay bc I like to: take my dance classes, eat food I like, be able to afford my dog’s vet bills, live on my own, have my car, buy gifts for friends (even if knitting a present, still gotta buy the yarn).

    The ‘money is not real’ concept triggers me.

    Money has allowed us to specialize. If there were no money & we were still in a barter system, I’d still have to trade work for the things I want
    Ie maybe I’d clean my dance school in exchange for lessons, take care of farm animals in exchange for wool, be a custodian for my apartment building in exchange for rent, work on a farm in exchange for food.
    But that would still be working.
    It’s just more efficient with money.
    I can specialize, do a job that I am good at and feel proud of (well most of the time), instead of 10 different jobs that i might not like, in exchange for what I want.

    This reminds me of the saying, ‘God helps those who help themselves.’

    Working for something feels good to me. I LIKE getting my paycheck.
    I hate my job sometimes.
    But I appreciate that it allows me to do so much of what I love.

    My friend has a trust fund and doesn’t need to work a day in her life. And yet, she works for a city, helping to plan public transportation. She LOOOVES her job. It gives her a sense of purpose.
    I believe work is good for the soul.

  306.  #307Daria on December 10, 2010 at 12:21 am

    “practise remembering that none of this matters. What does matter is our peace of mind. We must do that which will grant us the greatest peace and the greatest joy. We must forgive those for what we think they did to us, including the International Banksters (this is blatantly the one I’m working on). We must grant our souls some freedom by knowing that house or no house, we can live in joy. Most of the people on the planet live without the houses like what we have; I’m not saying they live in joy, yet I contend they might be able to live in joy if they weren’t incessantly reminded of how we live. They actually think we are happier than they because of the things we think we own. All minds think alike. This is classic egoistic belief in punishment.
    They, like the rest of us, believe they are not ‘good enough’; it only manifests in a different manner based upon their individual experiences.”

    go Mary go!

  307.  #308Daria on December 10, 2010 at 12:38 am

    “Since thoughts are creative energy we must be vigilant about how we spend our energy. Praying for
    things that don’t exist, i.e.: things of this world, will gets us nothing. So we pray to change our perceptions or we pray in gratitude: “it is done” (wasa). Prayers are then ‘answered’ – and so it is (espavo).”

    I prayed for a bicycle until I realized God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bicycle and then prayed
    for forgiveness. – Emo Philips

    lololol 😀

    sexy CD is texting with me now


    i am expressing and from a thought of easily having what i desire

  308.  #309Daria on December 10, 2010 at 1:03 am


    oooh sexy Tyrese wants me!

    I feel so excited to realize i now feel confident that i can attract Tyrese and ANY man!



    that was my intent from Rori’s tools

    to feel like I can have any man I want!

  309.  #310Daria on December 10, 2010 at 1:14 am

    Katnina – what if it’s not true that money is more efficient?

    what if barter is easier?

    what if we jsut go and pick up what we want… and don’t have to exchange lil papers for it

    this is some of what she talks about in her book

    that were we all to do what we love, and do service to each other without ‘money’ it would open up our possibilities

  310.  #311Daria on December 10, 2010 at 1:15 am

    “Our behaviour is always the result of our emotions, which is why we do such strange things … most of
    the time. We are reacting from old emotional trauma which has imprinted not only the event but also the reaction. We just keep returning to what was once upon a time a great solution to a traumatic event, yet, as adults, it no longer works.”

    This really hit me!

    I know this concept, but this is the first time i Get the idea – and it feels GOOD – that this was once a GREAT solution


  311.  #312Daria on December 10, 2010 at 1:23 am

    “The object of your blame is always less of an obstacle than your decision to blame. – D. Patrick Miller
    There is only one disease – guilt – and it is curable. – Kenneth Wapnick
    The Energy Psychologist facilitates the release of guilt because all negative emotions stem from guilt.
    Anger, for example, is never justified. It is solely a projection of our lack of self-forgiveness. Guilt makes the world go ‘round. As soon as we all stop feeling guilt, we will stop projecting it onto others and making them pay for what we think WE did. We did nothing but ‘think’. The only way to release the guilt is to forgive ourselves.
    Never forget that to forgive yourself is to release trapped energy that could be doing good work in the
    world. Self-prosecution is never noble; it does no one a service. – D. Patrick Miller
    I incorporate ACIM into Energy Psychology by getting to the client’s emotion allowing her to be ‘right’ about her feelings. In other words, I allow her to blame whom she thinks wronged her when really what is happening is her ego is simply projecting onto another its belief in its own guilt. Since everyone ‘out there’ is only a reflexion of oneself, I gently allow her to see that what she is really doing is blaming herself (for putting herself into that situation), then release the guilt for which she is punishing herself, then forgiving herself. Sometimes it is easier to forgive the one whom we believe has wronged us than it is to forgive ourselves, yet since everyone else is our self – we are all one – then it really doesn’t matter. Without fail though, I have seen that guilt/blame/punishment is always the issue in the final analysis, so I always treat the guilt, even when anger seems to be the cause. Once we see how our ego minds have twisted it, we can begin to forgive. “Whenever two or more of you are gathered” means that all we have to do is ‘join’ with another, ideally the one with whom we have the grievance. Forgiveness is the means to peace.”

  312.  #313Daria on December 10, 2010 at 1:33 am

    trigger warning!

    “their trauma. I now complain that they are not only deceiving themselves and their loved ones but also paying
    Genocidal Big Pharma and Medical Mafia to cause them great physical and/or financial suffering. It seems
    as if they believe they deserve this treatment based upon their belief in their guilt over the circumstances they
    created – and yet care not to mention – due to its already debilitating effect upon them. I don’t mind their
    subconscious declaration, “I’d rather die than face this” as there is nothing wrong with wanting to die any
    more than there is something wrong with wanting anything our ego minds want; it is the lack of awareness
    which is unhealthy. I only wish I could get my mitts on them before they go through this pretense of wanting
    to live. I might be able to point out to them that there is a much easier, faster, more agreeable way of dealing
    with their trauma than dying. There exist many energy therapies to assist them in releasing their emotional
    trauma surrounding an event which they can not face. Energy work is safe, quick, and does not require the
    patient to re-live the trauma. Trauma just energetically disappears. Cancer is not a ‘terminal disease’. That
    belief is a result of manipulation, as are beliefs concerning finances, education, religion, relationships, etc. I
    want people to stop believing nonsense, take charge of their circumstances and resultant state of mind by
    realizing that they, and only they, were powerful enough to have created said circumstances and so they are
    powerful enough to create something else.
    My best example of Drs. Simonton’s theory was a patient I had with cancer of the larynx. What does
    this tell you? He believes he either said something he wished he hadn’t or didn’t say something he wished
    he had. So, after rapid calculation of trauma to diagnosis, I asked his wife what occurred about two years ago.
    “We got married.” Yikes! What’s to say to that? Then I realized that saying, “I do” is too easy to undo,
    ergo, not something over which to develop cancer. So I asked, “Anything else? “Well, the minute we got
    married his daughter quit speaking to him”…. and he had quit speaking to his daughter. I rest my case.
    For years I told people, “Curing cancer is as simple as releasing the emotional trauma which caused it”
    and for years no one seemed interested in my assistance. I remained flabbergasted until I realized that one of
    the aspects of the ‘cancer personality’ is that at an unconscious level, cancer patients want to die, or they
    wouldn’t have developed cancer. It is their belief, thanks to medical propaganda, which causes them to think
    that cancer means they will no longer have to face the trauma or, rather, their interpretation of the trauma
    which is diminishing their basic life force. Cancer is just socially-acceptable suicide.
    Medical intervention does NOT cure cancer. For the record, 80% of doctors admit that they would not
    take their own medicine, meaning, that what they advise their patients – chemotherapy, radiation, surgery –
    they would not submit to themselves. No one I’ve ever known has ever died of cancer – only from the
    medical treatment of cancer. Yet, again, subconsciously one submits to the medic’s advice because in him,
    one has an ally in not taking responsibility. One knows she can avoid the reminder of the trauma sooner by
    acquiescing to the medics/ ego’s plan for salvation and dying. Since loved ones are generally horrified by the
    fact that the patient is dying, as they have been equally conned, they express sadness, etc. and the patient
    pretends, for their sakes, to want to get healthy again. Nothing could be farther from the truth. If one truly
    wanted to get better, she would reveal the cause of her illness, the emotional trauma which is literally
    destroying her; yet she rarely does. Those who do and who support their bodies in the healing process,
    recover. However, most take their trauma to their graves partly because they are unaware of it and partly
    because, although initially they feel anger towards another involved in the event, they inevitably blame
    themselves, feel horrendous guilt over it, and wouldn’t dare tell anyone of their part in it, even when the
    telling would be the first step in saving their lives. I know of many people who have cured their cancer via

  313.  #314Daria on December 10, 2010 at 1:39 am

    omg i just did some EFT and i forgave myself for this time when me and transformer man had sex in the ass and then in my nani

    i had been feeling VERY tense about this and that I allowed it to happen ever since!


    now i am like lalala

    oh well maybe we can even do it again lol



    ps – it felt kinda vulnerable to write that



    i am NOT trippin about it




    i used to be SO triggered by this!


    and i tried working on it with energy therapists before


    i feel excited!!!

    im just like

    we were experimenting

    its all good

    it all seems innocent now


    wow hello trauma clearance!!


    i feel all like calm and non triggered by this

    i mean really

    i am NOT triggered by it even trying to be triggered by it




    thas wassup!!!

  314.  #315Daria on December 10, 2010 at 1:52 am

    “Declaring we will no longer charge for our services is scary, but it is something we must do if we intend
    to become our true selves. As long as we stay in the smallness of the Commerce Game due to fear of the
    repercussions of getting out of it, we will never rise above it to become the powerful living souls we are meant
    to become.
    The day dawned when to remain enclosed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to
    I know that what I intend to implement will catch on, if only because people’s lives will work better.
    David Hawkins, in his book, Power vs. Force outlines precisely what level of consciousness, measured in
    energy, is required to counterbalance the lower levels of consciousness. When enough of us become
    enlightened (allegedly calculated to the square root of 1% of the world’s population which is just over 8,000
    people), the level of consciousness of the entire universe will shift. Hawkins even states the numbers and
    claims that we have, in fact, already reached ‘critical mass’. ACIM states that when this level of
    consciousness reaches this point the manifestation of our thought energy will be the disappearance of the
    entire universe, just as our present thought energy manifests the universe as it is now. When we wake up and
    know that none of this is real – it is only the Matrix – it will cease to exist. Upon our awakening from the
    dream we will be back home in the Infinite Energy with our Creator. As yet, the only reason we have yet to
    experience this is because of the slow vibration of the dense physicality in which we live. It has occurred
    already at the spiritual level. As David Icke says, those who want to keep us entrapped in the density of the
    never ending matrix, what the Hindus call the never-ending cycle of death and re-birth will simply fail, which
    is why they are flailing in their desperation to keep us from becoming enlightened. Yet it is already done.
    This is a very exciting time. Very soon we will experience it.”

  315.  #316Rosa on December 10, 2010 at 1:57 am

    Magnificent quotes Daria!

    I am back from my 3 G-Man days in the country , climaxing in a wonderful seafood birthday dinner.

    We bought Queensland prawns and Tasmanian tuna at the Sydney fish markets and took them to my house in the hills .

    He cooked prawns and salsa with a chili lime mayonnaise and barbecue tuna with salads and mango dressing to follow. My boys baked a cake .Yummmm!

    My guest list included CD first boyfriend who happened by to say Hi , my mum and my 16 and 19 yo sons. (And G-man washed , cleaned , shopped , drove etc..- I lay back and was waited on hand and foot for 3 days .Literally )

    Lovely man that he is he gave 100% of himself to me for 3 days …until tonight when he is back in town with friends and spending some time with” GF” before he flies home next week.

    Eventually he divulged that GF “doesnt know what she wants” – and patently doesnt want what she HAS..
    (I live by that logic and shared it with him ) – so things are rocky .Thats why hes back in my stratosphere- I predict a few more to and fro -ings ,but he will get tired of it soon. He enjoys some drama and pursuit but he doesnt like the rejection!

    Meanwhile i leaned back , lots of feeling messages about feeling cared for and honoured and special .
    Kept the no sex boundary for 2 days but allowed a cuddle in bed and a bit more, after a quick prayer to my guardian angel about which route to take (pardon the pun!)

    The thing is , I felt respected and I truly felt he cared for my feelings this time around. Its over 5 years now we have watched each others back through thick and thin , through unemployment , partings, family illness and death, ill health and now my cancer. He is confused , he is having problems with an emotionally unavailable widow with enmeshed adult children who resent a man in their mothers lives. Its an L-plate relationship for him. Maybe he will see what is under his nose one day , but probably he wont. If he does i may well have disappeared down the trail already ! I am busy riding on.

    When i decided I can ride on again , things felt a lot easier for me. I cried tonight because I am still attached , and when he goes , its a little death to me.
    But all the feeling messages resulted in honest disclosures and a real closeness and intimacy reignited.

    The difference this time is that trhanks to Siren Island and Rori, I truly do feel like I have ridden down another path already . And no , I am not contacting him . He has already tried to arrange a meeting at Christmas when he returns.

    I am now on Plenty of Fish ..but so far only catching raw prawns!! 🙂
    I may have a date with a psychologist next week though , Mind Man , and awaiting contact from up the road man who lives near me..

    Has been good to read what you are all up to , but back to the topic for a moment.

    I AM able to let go of the need to control outcome with G-Man , not have rule book or category , just love him in the moment..THIS is huge for me.

    I actually FEEL safe not knowing , its feeling good being instead.

  316.  #317Daria on December 10, 2010 at 1:59 am

    “How do we raise our level of consciousness? By remembering the Golden Rule. Whenever I feel anger
    towards someone – usually a family member – as it is the purpose of everyone in my life to get me to face
    myself, I immediately notice that this is a result of my belief that he is separate from me and that my response
    to his behaviour is only the opportunity for me to forgive this belief. As quickly as possible I remember that
    what my ego is presently telling me is that he is separate from me and deserves punishment for his
    behaviour. What is true is that he is another manifestation of my consciousness and that I (the real me – the
    extension of my Creator, my Spirit self) created that instant solely for the purpose of reminding me of the
    truth. I created it all – since it is my dream – I created people and circumstances only for my ultimate benefit.
    The opportunity is for me to stop my ego from telling me that the way I can save my soul is to project my
    guilt onto another. But:
    1. there is no guilt, only my belief in my guilt;
    2. there is no ‘other’, only my belief that this manifestation of my energy/ consciousness is not
    connected to me in any way;
    3. projecting my guilt onto another – getting angry – only reinforces my belief in my guilt, thereby
    reducing, not increasing, my level of energy and consciousness. I am convinced that this is the biggest cause
    of exhaustion – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
    The solution is to remember that I created the entire scene for the salvation of my soul and do I want to
    take this opportunity right now, since ‘now’ is all there is, or do I want to waste more eons of ‘time’ and
    energy? (There is no ‘time’, however, we do experience it in that we want to spend it in joy and not in pain.)
    I quickly recall that the only reason this entire circumstance exists is for me to forgive my belief in my guilt. I
    can take the opportunity or leave it. I grab it and remember that this ‘other entity’ is myself and how do I
    want to be treated? I want to be treated with love. This is the only acceptable answer. I want to feel love. How
    can I do this for myself ? As soon as I choose to do this, my belief in my guilt disappears. I am happier, more
    joyful, and I have raised my level of consciousness”

  317.  #318Daria on December 10, 2010 at 2:09 am

    “When I forgive my father for loving me only when I work and earn $$$, the following shifts occur:
    1. I realize he and his behaviour exist only in my mind for the sole purpose of forgiveness;
    2. I realize that it was I who was loving me only upon the condition that I work and earn a lot of $$$;
    3. My energy and consciousness both increase;
    4. I remember that the whole thing is my creation for the purpose of remembering that Infinite Love is all
    there is; everything else is illusion.”

  318.  #319Daria on December 10, 2010 at 2:17 am

    “Barter however, still suggests a debtor/creditor relationship. We are at our happiest when we are being
    who we really are, whether this is lending our energy, exuding our talents, giving our time. I contend that
    women will be the first to get moving on this because, while men continue to compete, our nature is to be cooperative.
    We women can and will make the quantum leap from Nightmare to Awake ….. $$$ to Love.”

  319.  #320Daria on December 10, 2010 at 2:25 am

    How did we come to be coerced to believe that we are required to ‘earn our keep’? The movie, The
    Matrix states we are just batteries – the energy to fuel the pleasure of the PTB, those who never did, never
    will, never even thought to work a day in their lives. When one is born into slavery, one tends not to question
    it. Unfortunately, the Protestant Work Ethic is still alive and well, shaming us into ‘earning a living’. Many
    of us have had jobs/ careers which we loved, but rarely do I find anyone who is doing what he truly wants to
    do. The term, ‘working for someone else’ is vastly misunderstood. Everyone complains about it; few
    understand its gravity. Usually it is said within the context of “you’ll never get rich working for someone
    else”, yet it far more serious. Why would anyone do anything for someone else when it doesn’t serve
    oneself first? This is not about serving or not serving; this is about not fulfilling our God-given right, not to
    mention our God-given order to ‘BE joyful’.

  320.  #321Daria on December 10, 2010 at 2:32 am

    yay! i got in a good vibration of forgiving and seeing the other person as ME

    and i’ve now come to a great communication with this guy who was first attacking me!

    Him: hi

    Me: hello

    Him:sup meanie

    Me:i dont like being called meanie

    Him: then dont be fuc8kin mean lol

    Me: i dont like being talked to this way

    Him: “this way”
    what are you referring to, psycho?

    Me: i dont like feeling attacked and insulted… and now im feeling upset and not really trusting that its gonna change
    so im just gonna take care of myself and go away from this communication

    Him: what in the fu*ck are you talking about?
    the first thing i said was hi
    the second thing i said was “Sup meanie”
    where is the attack or the insult?
    you’re full of shit…smarten up

    Me: (forgiveness breakthru!) hey
    i really want to talk with you
    but i cant feel good being talked to this way
    what do you think we can do to get along

    Him: u can stop talking crazy right now
    like i didnt do anything
    ur not nice to me..straight up
    and now ur coming at me with this off the wall shit..its ridiculous
    i dont appreciate it

    Me: k
    well i can hear that a lil better
    i dont want to be not nice to you
    you seem like an interesting person

    Him: im the shit lol

    Me: hehe

    Him: ur so hot
    ive loved u for like 10 years lol

    Me: haha
    thank you!

    Him: hmmm

    Me: 🙂

  321.  #322Gigi on December 10, 2010 at 2:53 am

    How can one truly feel free and loving if reliant on others for things they don’t want to give. Resentment builds rather than love.

    Win/win relationships happen when both parties feel good rather than a Lose/Win or a Win/Lose (in Stephen Covey’s “Habits of Highly Effective People” relationship set up for one party but not the other or a Lose/Lose in which no one gets what she wants and all feel bad.

  322.  #323Daria on December 10, 2010 at 3:16 am

    yes… must give what we want to give out of feeling good… in order to create win/win

    book felt very scary and draining for the first 2 parts

    the third part… more about creating what we want and changing our thoughts

    felt GREAT!

    Mary Croft is babystepping too…

    i feel happy i read the book

    i got a lot of gems from it


    i can forgive myself for giving people stuff and then expecting that i will control them


  323.  #324Daria on December 10, 2010 at 3:18 am

    if anything i have that amazing miracle that i healed that ‘anal sex thing’

    which i had been wanting to heal for years

    i also did some mor energy work and healed some triggers around child molesters… i now see more than ever that this happens when wounded minds are traumatized from having ben molested themselves

  324.  #325Daria on December 10, 2010 at 3:19 am

    i want to heal the fear of persecution by a police/army that comes and forcefully drags me away { mental image }

  325.  #326Rosa on December 10, 2010 at 3:22 am

    Daria , Is this generational stuff re 322??
    Could this have happened in your family gene pool?

  326.  #327Lorelei on December 10, 2010 at 3:29 am

    This is just a test post as I need to change my email. Not sure if I can do it simply by changing the address in the box under the post.

  327.  #328Daria on December 10, 2010 at 3:32 am

    Rosa – def could be… i also see it situationally around me now… what with men being taken to prison by police

    and some triggers i have about WW2 stuff (strongest)

    also i grew up under repressive dictatorship


    magical time, man who sent me the book just contacted me … asking have i finished it 🙂

    i have 🙂

    i very easily healed the pesky issue of the anal sex thing – feels triggering for me to write those words so am doing it repeatedly

    anal sex anal sex anal sex

    and even the child molester thingy i healed now

    using EFT

    what if i could forgive myself for doing this?

    what if i could see this differently

    i cant!

    but i have on other issues

    what if it was true that i could see this differently

    what if it was safe to shift this?

    a part of me doesnt want to

    and a part of me does

    and i invite the parts of me to get together

    and discuss

    whether they might accomplish both their goals better

    by working together

    and i love both parts of me and myself

    no matter what they do

    even die

    and i love myself and all of me


    then i checked and the issue had shifted and cleared

    these were BIG issues that i tried to shift before without much result

    i Forgave myself


    so im gonna see whatsup with forgiving myself for persecuting myself

    and locking myself up

  328.  #329Daria on December 10, 2010 at 3:51 am

    Omg. I now untriggerdly finding myself fantasizing about anal sex – whoa! Radical departure from previous thoughts/feelings

    I am very pleased w my healing abilities

  329.  #330Rosa on December 10, 2010 at 4:00 am

    Ok ..you got mer…

    anal sex anal sex anal sex anal sex anal sex …….

    Do i feel better yet?

    anal sex anal sex anal sex anal sex…

    Oh wow Daria,

    I love your confrontations ,
    I love your triggers ,
    i love MY triggers , I love G-man ,
    but I am not triggered by him like I used to be.
    Step up big buddy or fall off my pommel!!!!!

    I love that word . Pommel.
    sounds sensually alive..Pommel…Pommel …Pommel

  330.  #331Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 4:03 am


    Some of the concepts you shared appeal to me. However, when I was sleeping in the woods as a means of keeping my two German Shepherds with heat, bugs, and thunderstorms, wondering what on earth I’d do when it became winter, none of that mattered. What mattered to me was keeping my dogs and finding a home.

    In 2007, a false friend sabotaged my jobhunt. I thought we had made up from a falling out, and I was sharing with her where I was jobhunting. I didn’t find out until 8 months later, in the thick of my homelessness, that she had been contacting all my potential employers and telling them lies about me. So my unemployment ran out, and I was spending my fragile resources of time, energy, and money on jobhunting that was producing nothing.

    It all came to a head when a was first offered a $40 an hour job then it was withdrawn, with them explaining my “friend” said bad things about me and they just didn’t feel confident to hire me. My “friend” then sent me the nastiest email I ever received, saying among other things, “You might as well take both barrels and shove them in your mouth.”

  331.  #332Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 4:05 am

    After camping in the woods for a month and then being discovered, I camped 5 days in what I found out was a swamp when it rained and I was wading through mud. I felt so hot I felt like a boiling hot dog plumping to explosion. Me, my dogs, and all my belongings became covered with mud. I bled three months continuously because of the stress I was in. It was hard to clean up when my bathroom was squating on the ground. Imagine jobhunting in that condition, walking into a company feeling smelly and sweaty wearing a hopefully-not-too-muddy-and-furry suit and trying to appear confident and smiling.

    I stayed a couple months with a friend and her two kids in a one bedroom apartment with no air conditioning. I knew I was crowding them more than they were already crowded, and I got a spastic cramped back from sleeping on a thin mattress in the living room, with no privacy or quiet. She was on food stamps, and she was sharing her already-fragile resources with me.

    During that time, a woman on the board of directors of a free medical clinic paid several thousand dollars out of her own pocket for my dogs to stay at a kennel for two months while I got on my feet. Later, they commented that they were concerned about my emotional health as well as my physical health, and they knew that my dogs were the only thing keeping me going. The dogs came back to me dog-aggressive after being bored, uncomfortable, underfed, and under-exersized. Ever since, they have been a huge liability. They have injured several dogs in accidental incidents where they got loose. Prior to that, they were very well socialized.

  332.  #333Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 4:06 am

    From there I stayed in the basement of an empty house on a farm. The grouchy farmer lived there alone with three houses, two of which were empty. But he required me to sleep in the basement because he wouldn’t allow my dogs in the house.

    It was now November, and I would plug in two space heaters a couple hours before bedtime and go to a community center to stay warm and have a lit place to read. I slept in 50’s temperatures, if that, and the only reason I could stand it night after night for two months is because a friend lent me a heavy sleeping bag. He also gave me $20, suggesting that I give it to the farmer for electricity. I told him I’d give it back if he wanted, but I desperately needed it for food, gas, and dog food. Electricity money for the farmer was the last thing on my list of survival priorities.

    I dreaded coming “home” at night, somehow making it through the long, cold night. I hated my life. It was now December, and I prayed for a miracle: that I would have a home by the end of the month. I knew something had to change, yet I had no means of making that happen.

  333.  #334Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 4:06 am

    I got a nominal job at last. I worked one day, and then the next day, I had no gas money. I called around to at least ten people but I had already asked favors of them all and they were spent out on me. I finally got help for gas money by noon the next day, but by then I had lost the job.

    I was spending my days on the computer sending out resumes and cover letters. Yet the farmer was growing increasingly nasty, telling me to “step up” the jobhunt, angry that I had lost the other job.

    Finally I got another job. I worked my first day, taking my dogs in the car all day so they wouldn’t be out in the cold. That night I came “home” to find one space heater missing.

  334.  #335Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 4:07 am

    I knew where they were kept, and I went and got one. As I walked back to the basement, the farmer met me on the sidewalk, asking what I was doing. He told me I only needed one space heater. I told him it was in the 50s and virtually unbearable as it was. I lost it and screamed at him about what a jerk he was being in the midst of my crisis when I was doing everything in my power.

    He told me from then on the dogs and I could sleep in the barn, which had a 20 foot ceiling and would never trap any heat whatsoever. It was around 11 pm, and I called a new friend, asking in desperation if I could stay with her. I spent the night moving my belongings to her house. I went to my second day of work with about an hour of troubled sleep.

  335.  #336Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 4:07 am

    My dogs peed on the carpet at my friend’s house in their nervousness and disorientation the first night there, so they had to stay in the car after that. They were living in the car day and night, two German Shepherds in a Nissan sedan. I lived there for 2 weeks.

    These are just the highlights of my 7 month nightmare. It was a lot worse than what I can describe in a few paragraphs. And it could have been a lot worse.

    It finally ended with getting the job and then a precious pastor and his wife offered me the money for my security deposit and first month’s rent. The day I moved into my new apartment was December 29th. God had answered my prayer through these people! It was one of the best days of my life, made twice as sweet because I still had my dogs after 7 months of survival!

  336.  #337Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 4:08 am

    Daria, I give you a challenge: move somewhere in nature and live off the land for several months or so, without depending on anyone else for your survival but yourself. If you can live without money, go for it! Can you live without it AND without tapping the financial resources of anyone else for a few months, just as an experiment? I can assure you from personal experience that it will forever alter your philosophy around money.

    By the way, the Bible DOESN’T say, “Money is the root of all evil.” It says, “The LOVE OF money is the root of all evil.” There’s a huge difference. Money is a tool for getting things done. I don’t love money in and of itself. I love to have a home though.

    What do you think?

  337.  #338Rosa on December 10, 2010 at 4:09 am

    Brenda ,

    I feel amazed . I feel humbled.
    What amazing life skills you have!
    What a survivor you are!!!

    I am so honoured to meet more of you Brenda.

    How is Job search going?

  338.  #339Rosa on December 10, 2010 at 4:37 am

    I just lloked up angelic encounters , my Decmeber angel is

    ~ The Angel of December is Anael ~

    This is a little close to Darias recent post 324 …say it out loud….what the heck?

  339.  #340AmberS on December 10, 2010 at 6:39 am

    Laughing Goddess,

    RE: 274 – Thank you for telling me how you felt. You’re right. I took a left turn there. Hrm.

    I feel sad when I remember all of the bad behavior I modeled for my own daughter. I feel failure when I see how I didn’t set good boundaries for myself as her parent, and I didn’t enforce the boundaries I did set.

    I feel SO LUCKY to have this opportunity now to be doing this part with the help of Dr. Paul’s work and Rori’s work and Matthew & Orna’s work.

    My IRL daughter is about to leave home and start her own life. It’s the biggest change I’ve ever faced in my life. I am so blessed to have all of this help.

  340.  #341Senior Lady Vibe on December 10, 2010 at 7:10 am

    @ 333 Brenda says:
    “…By the way, the Bible DOESN’T say, “Money is the root of all evil.” It says, “The LOVE OF money is the root of all evil.” There’s a huge difference….”

    Yes, Brenda…a HUGE! difference.

    “…Money is a tool for getting things done. I don’t love money in and of itself. I love to have a home though…”
    What do you think?…”

    I think you are absolutely correct. I also think you are womanly…you stepped up to keep yourself and your dogs…you are still you, still sweet and you know you’ll get through the next challenges too. Going through the fire of hard times can give you confidence if you keep going, you are doing that.

    All the best to you. Keep on keeping on.


  341.  #342tinque on December 10, 2010 at 7:15 am

    Amber – Thank you so much for the song, one of my favorites from one of my absolute favorite albums, Tea for the Tillerman.

  342.  #343tinque on December 10, 2010 at 7:15 am

    knocksoftly – what a beautiful AHA moment.

  343.  #344tinque on December 10, 2010 at 7:17 am

    “Once we heal it, they stop “doing it” (whatever it is that they are “doing to us.”)”

    Lucy – Or maybe it’s not that they stop doing anything. It just doesn’t trigger you anymore. You can now have compassion knowing that they did the best they could given the meager tools they were given growing up.


  344.  #345Senior Lady Vibe on December 10, 2010 at 7:27 am

    @336: AmberS says:

    “…My IRL daughter is about to leave home and start her own life. It’s the biggest change I’ve ever faced in my life. I am so blessed to have all of this help…”

    Hi Amber, it’s thrilling to watch offspring grow up and go off on their own into the adult world. I’ve posted earlier and more than once that “parents are always our parents and our babies are always our babies.”

    I think that might have been misunderstood to mean that parents always want to infantilize their sons and daughters. I did not mean that.

    My meaning is that the parental role and the emotions attached to it do not end when the child reaches 18 or 21. The parent child bond does not dissolve even though parent and child relate to each other as adults.

    A good parent will always have life goals of wanting to help a son or daughter grow and be the best they can be, even while the son or daughter is living as an adult.

    Likewise, many a son or daughter will find that Mom or Dad will come through to help out when it seems no one else will. In that way we are always their beloved babies. Since we are adults and not babies we don’t depend upon them as children do, but it’s still nice when Mom or Dad comes through with a boost.


  345.  #346AmberS on December 10, 2010 at 7:28 am


    Thank you for posting all of that information on cancer & guilt. I have read similar things, but the one you posted was really direct.

    “Banksters” Heh. I’ve read a lot on the money is a shared illusion. I even know some people who’ve chosen to live without “participating” in that illusion.

    They have had to accept that they will never have ownership of anything, because ownership is a choice to participate in the illusion. And I agree, who really owns anything? We are all temporary custodians of our goods and land. We don’t live forever in the physical sense.

    That’s the part that makes me toss out the philosophy as unpractical. I’m not saying YOU need to see it how I do. I’m just talking about me.

    In my view money is a commonly agreed on measure of value we apply to goods and services in order to facilitate trade in situations where there is no direct match between what is offered by both parties.

    In the old days I might trade the produce I farmed for the skilled labor of someone to craft a harness for my horse. Nice. I’m liking this, except when the harness maker needs more groceries, but I don’t need any more harnesses.

    In a perfect world (which I know we all really would love to have) there wouldn’t be an exchange. All needs would be met, because there is enough for everyone. The Celestine Prophecy talks about creating that world and The 10th Insight talks about how that would look in practice.

    I live in an imperfect world. I have made agreements with other people in this world. It is an act of integrity on my part to fulfill my side of the agreements I’ve made.

    I chose to participate in the illusory system, because I like having gas to heat my house in the winter. I’m on the east coast, so it’s kind of necessary. I chose to make an agreement to compensate the people who own the house I live in with money. I don’t have any skills that would benefit them in a barter way. They chose to allow me the use of the house in return for that compensation.

    There are people I know (Rainbow Family) who live in the forest. They barter for everything and yet- they still end up participating in the illusion when they trade for CASH because they want to have things that are not available to them on a barter basis (like gasoline to move their vans from one state forest to another). This is not a bad thing- if they didn’t move every few weeks the ecosystem where they camp would be damaged.

    Anyway. I sound like I’m lecturing now, and that’s not what I want.

    What I want is to say that I do understand the illusion of money. And I understand that the agreements you’ve made around it feel bad to you now. And I’m wondering if it’s the half in/half out place that’s creating the energy block. And I’m wondering if you’re willing to take the steps required to get all of the way out?

    I know, for me, that I’m not. I like the comforts of living within the illusion.

    But it seems like self deception when I read all of this and yet I know that your dreams include being part of the system. Being a star. Being a celebrity. There is a way to do both, but until you resolve the disconnect between what you want/do/say you will stay stuck.

    I’m going to make a sweeping generalization and use Shakira as an example. She is amazing and does a HUGE amount of charity work. She is amazingly talented. She set a goal for herself and totally surpassed it.

    I doubt very much that she worries about paying her cell phone bill or where her next meal is coming from. And in the interviews I’ve seen/read I get the sense that she loves what she does. It requires huge amounts of EFFORT on her part, but she loves it. I don’t think she calls it work.

    And speaking of work, I’m being compensated monetarily to sit here and handle things for this company. I am not acting with integrity by using this time to post, so I’m going to sign off for now.

    Love- Amber

  346.  #347Laughing Goddess on December 10, 2010 at 7:46 am

    Amber: thank you for sharing what you would say to your daughter. I felt a sense of healing processing that for myself. My mom says similar things about thinking that she failed.

    I feel excited for your daughter that she has a mom who is learning new ways of communicating.

    I feel sad reading your sadness about the way you handled things in the past.

    I feel reminded of a conversation I had with my mom a week ago. She was venting about my sister and how lazy she is. I felt horrible hearing that. I asked my mom to please not give up on my sister and to stop judging her. If she feels that helping my sister is too draining for her, that’s understandable, but please don’t judge her. She couldn’t see how she was judging her. Finally my mom came around and could see the positive in my sister. But then she started judging herself…saying I’m the mom and I’m supposed to be the wise one. You’ve always been so strong. And I pointed out to her that now she is judging herself which isn’t any better. As her child, I felt very pained hearing her judge herself.

    Just like you, I’m sure my mom did the best she knew at the time. And I don’t care what she did in the past, I only care how she is acting now. And I feel really proud of her. I’m her eldest and she had me at 17. I have seen how much she has evolved over the years. It’s incredible. It hurts so much to hear her judge herself.

    How can she teach me to love myself if she doesn’t love herself? And for me, self love is the most important thing she can model for me. All the boundaries and healthy habits grow out of self love.

    I feel so lucky too to have these tools to work with. They are really amazing, huh?

    I pray that my mom stops beating herself up for her mistakes.

    Thank you so much, Amber, for sharing your process. It has really helped me.

  347.  #348Senior Lady Vibe on December 10, 2010 at 7:47 am

    342: AmberS says:

    “…It requires huge amounts of EFFORT on her part, but she loves it. I don’t think she calls it work…”

    1–I’d quote if I remembered who wrote or said it but the thought is “work is the only real fun.” Which is to say that the efforts we prize return pleasure in our lives whether we are paid money for them or not. Sometimes people “work at a job” in order to “do the work” that they love.

    2–A money system is a lot more efficient in distributing goods and services than a barter system.

    3–It’s a waste of time and energy being jealous of people who have money. If you don’t have any and you need some, go out and make enough to take care of your needs and to do the things you want to do.

    4–One does not need barrels of money to be happy but life can be difficult if one has NO money. Luckily there are plenty of ways to exchange our talents and skills for money.

    5–I’m off to look in my resources for a thing or two… 😀


  348.  #349Senior Lady Vibe on December 10, 2010 at 7:53 am


    When writing “you” I of course meant the generic “one.” My writing was sloppy. Nothing in my post was antithetical to yours. I had some thoughts that came up when reading what you wrote about Shakira. I remembered some other things too. Thanks for the post.


  349.  #350Laughing Goddess on December 10, 2010 at 8:11 am

    Money? Hmmm, how do I relate to money?

    As a child, my family had moments of extreme poverty. We spent a period of time jumping from homeless shelter to homeless shelter and living out of our car.

    I felt so scared and vulnerable at that time. As soon as I was old enough, I got a job. I felt more secure taking my destiny into my own hands. My parents couldn’t supply to financial stability I needed, so I was determined to do it on my own.

    I’m still refining my relationship to money.

    I feel unsure of where I stand with it now but all this talk of it has me feeling curious about my beliefs around money.

    I feel curious. What do I believe about money?

    I feel excited about this discussion.

  350.  #351Mai on December 10, 2010 at 8:13 am

    brenda @29

    i love that message. xx

  351.  #352Rachel on December 10, 2010 at 9:05 am

    What if we focused on giving the gift we were put on earth to give? As we give our gift, the resources we need to live a healthy, fulfilled life begin to flow our direction.

    Money is one of them! But there are so many others … resources of knowledge, connections, experiences, people, love, etc.

    By living this way, we’re not focusing on the lack or NEED for these things. We’re focused on following our passions and offering what WE have to give the world … planting the seed and receiving the harvest.

    We all have something to share, some thing that we were put here on earth to contribute, some passion that makes our hearts beat more quickly and our eyes shine … that is OUR WAY to the abundance we desire.

    I think this is very different than sitting around hoping that somehow money comes to us. It combines faith in the loving universe and its desire to bless us and action – our part to play in the grand drama of the ages.

    As you sow … you reap. It’s the law!!

  352.  #353Rachel on December 10, 2010 at 9:14 am

    Daria … you are SO gifted. Webcams are less than $20 at WalMart! Take that one step of faith and invest in yourself. As you share your gift with the world, the resources will flow to you. I know you can do it!!!

  353.  #354Simply Shannon on December 10, 2010 at 9:59 am

    Rachel – 348. Thank you! I feel inspired. I am on this path. Really appreciate those words.

  354.  #355Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    Rosa and Mai,

    Thank you for your sweet comments! 🙂

  355.  #356Lucy on December 10, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    don Miguel Ruiz
    Create the perfect relationship between you and your body. Treat your body with all your love, honor, gratitude, and respect. When you make it your goal to adore your own body and accept yourself completely, you are learning to have a perfect relationship with anyone else you are with.

  356.  #357Lucy on December 10, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Thanks, Tinque. I have found that it can happen both ways. 🙂

  357.  #358Lucy on December 10, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    “Declaring we will no longer charge for our services is scary, but it is something we must do if we intend
    to become our true selves.”

    I feel curious about this. Over the span of my life thus far, I have only charged for my services about 2% of the time.

    I wonder about this.

    I feel confused when “new age” teachings are contradictory to other “new age” teachings. (Same as contradictions among Christian teachings.)

  358.  #359Brenda on December 10, 2010 at 1:44 pm


    I forgot to include…my jobhunt is going well! I’ve applied for a lot of technical writer jobs, and I keep getting emails for new jobs as well as the ones I’m finding on job sites.

    BTW, if anyone is jobhunting, indeed dot com pulls from all the jobhunting websites, so it’s a fantastic resource!

  359.  #360AmberS on December 11, 2010 at 6:17 am


    I am enjoying the clues you give to your ‘self’ here. It’s been fun to find them, like putting a puzzle together without the box to look at. I’m not seeing any sloppiness in your post at all. I appreciate concise wording, something you are very good at. Not a skill I have!

    There’s an interview with Shakira on youtube where she talks a little about her childhood. I’m going to go look for it now…

  360.  #361AmberS on December 11, 2010 at 6:31 am



    Thank you for reminding me. I’m sometimes working so hard on the letting go part that I don’t see what comes after that.

    I feel good reading your post. Happy. I’m wondering how you learned your parenting skills? From your posts I think you had a supportive family. I assume though (forgive me in advance please, if this comes out bassackwards) that you had to learn your own parenting skills. Were there teachers you followed? Do you see your own “style” reflected in your kid(s?).

    PS- I’m replying out of order. I seem to have missed some posts…

  361.  #362Isis on December 11, 2010 at 8:53 am

    I am going to check out wwoofing, too. It definitely sounds like something I would do (or many of my friends would do). I am all about farming.

    Okay, now
    AHHHHHHH! bio dad just called and left a message that said “hey Sweetie, it’s (biodad)..” he said he is HERE! not here, but an hour and a half away at his brother’s, and he wants to see what I am doing tomorrow, because he is coming to my town tomorroand wants to see us.

    Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY!! YAYYY! And I get to see biodad..hahahaha..

    I was so excited that he is HERE that I forgot to say any feeling message about not hearing from him since Thanksgiving.

    He is going to see his mom tomorrow morning before he comes to town, and then is going to call and meet up wherever I am at. Then they may come along to a party tomorrow night.

    My mind wants me to worry about things..ohh so many things. About this whole interaction. How bio-dad feels. How man-I-live-with feels.
    And… my heart feels like it wants me to just let go.
    And I am done thinking, it makes me feel horrible.

    There is a feeling that the momentum of letting-it-go is picking me up like a rip tide. I have less and less control over it anymore, but it feels good….

    Last night, man-I-live-with officially “invited” me to a big event happening next memorial day.
    And this morning posted something on his fb page that was something about … realizing he hasn’t lost his freedom, that it was always up to him to ‘free himself’ –


    THAT WAS ALL yesterday now. It’s Saturday morning.
    man-I-live-with bought me some very nice lingerie for my bday AND some beautiful custom made owl feather earrings from a friend of ours who makes jewelry (and she happened to know I wanted some owl feathers!)

    I spent last evening at the hospital, where my dad’s adoptive mother is on dialysis suddenly. they don’t think she’s going to make it and I’m trying to find a way to get her some naturopathic medicines ..they have her on a feeding tube, she can’t swallow.. it’s not looking good. waiting for the doctor to call.

    Also my friends daughter’s bday last night- one year ago just this week her mother died from sudden sickness. And then a welcome home party for a friend.

    It’s now my birthday, officially, and I am heading off with man-I-live-with, to meet two friends, do their hair and hang out, while I wait for the doctor to call and for bio-dad to say he’s on his way to my town….

  362.  #363LonePlum on December 11, 2010 at 9:15 am

  363.  #364Siena on December 11, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    Hi AmberS! I’ve been so busy, it’s hard to keep up! Re#120, we ended without any fanfare or argument or anything like that. His personal life sort of imploded, and so one day he was here and the next he wasn’t. We hadn’t been dating long (only a few months). He really was only a CD… I was still dating others while we were revving up. But I felt really good with him and could be 100% myself. My brain understands why he’s not here and how he has personal stuff to take care of, but my heart doesn’t really understand…She still misses how it felt to be with him.

  364.  #365Dorothea on December 11, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    My CD with LI went really well tonight. i practiced tools A LOT and stay focused on that all night. it was neat. i caught myself feeling anxious and all that and was able to use tools to get present. it feels sooo challenging so i feel mega glad that i practiced allll night:).

  365.  #366Dorothea on December 11, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    I feel so triggered seeing something on the facebook page of this guy i had a big crush on in middle school. his girlfriend leans forward on his page big time. and he doesn’t seem to be responsive to her when she does that. i don’t like her, argh. why don’t i like her very much. i guess i feel better than her because i wouldn’t lean forward and be annoying like that, but i don’t have her man, she does, so i’m just jealous.

    ack, he is so cute 🙂

  366.  #367Lucy on December 11, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    dorothea, i feel curious what kind of stuff she writes on his page that feels like leaning forward to you.

  367.  #368Soul Sista on December 12, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    hi ladies: could use some support on not emailing or calling said guy i am in love with…fear of unknown crept up and i am kind of white knuckling it.

    i just had a great mirror of a sister overfunctioning in her relationship with me and trying to get me to do something her way, which i won’t. i don’t want to do that with him.

    thankful for the “Siren Sangha” today.

  368.  #369Marie Holmes on December 12, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    EXCELLENT COMMUNICATION in my opinion…conceptually you are so gifted in communication!!! You pinpoint and focus so well, for my needs at this time, on: CONTROL. I am so relieved to ”hear” the control issue discussed from so many perspectives and how so many females, not just me, are ”silently” and perhaps not even aware of that aspect of life!!! My form of Christianity is in Relationship with Him moreso than what we in the U.S. commonly refer to as ”religion”, and my Relationship with Him through hearing His Words helped me see how scary it is to NOT HAVE CONTROL. I have actually been practicing NOT HAVING CONTROL AND JUST BEING ME AND PRACTICING MY BELIEFS with the or any other individual despite their own choices, so to read your thoughts is so comforting!!! I’m not alone, it is challenging, it is scary to me at times to choose practicing my own beliefs over ”pleasing” and playing the standard games in our culture.

  369.  #370Gina on December 12, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Hi Memee!
    I was reading posts from up in the 20s, and I feel so relieved to read your words cause I feel something similar with D. I feel FURIOUS that he ignores my feelings. Feeling messages are not working for me here. I want to break through the barrier of soft film feeling messages that keeps a dagger from invading his space and say “YOU ACT LIKE SUCH A SWELL GUY, A REAL GIVER, BUT YOU ARE A TAKER and you suck.”

  370.  #371Gina on December 12, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    I feel UBER trigerred lately. Violent. Defensive. Scared. Mad.

  371.  #372Gina on December 12, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    ooh that last one sounded scary. I haven’t actually been violent, I feel compelled to explain…

  372.  #373Gina on December 12, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Memee, sorry for trailing off about me. I feel so frustrated by your guy cause, the way I see it, he just plays you like a harp. And it’s pretty beautiful misery ya’ll have going on there. And that’s when I feel triggerred into making things ugly. I respect the way that you come here and express your feelings rather than attack him, because that is what I would feel like doing so freaking much. I would feel like savagely attacking him and seeing to it that he never bothered me again. I did that to guys in the past! Again, I didn’t actually DO anything violent. but I did send a SCATHING email. This feels like confession, and I don’t know why I want to confess. I guess cause I feel guilty and judgmental of myself, and I’d really like to forgive myself, I’d like to move on fresh, and NOT be the person that gets close to people I don’t like that much to begin with, and then rip them to shreds for being who they are. Wow, that feels like a pretty big revelation.)
    Anyhoo, Memee, I respect the way you maintain your composure through excrutiating nonsense. Okay, I’m noticing that I want to cut through nonsense with a knife. Just CUT it in a heroic inpired swipe. But maybe I could dissolve it instead of cut it. Maybe I could make it dissappear like magic!

  373.  #374Gina on December 12, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    It feels bad to say “I don’t like people.” Is it true?? I don’t think so. But sometimes I do feel HATE. I think. Hate isn’t a word that I see much on this blog. And I feel weird admitting it. I think it’s relevant to this discussion on “spirituality” and religion. Cause spirituality ought to be able to obliterate HATE, whereas Religion breeds it (beliefs in being “right”. Which is where I even come up with the concept of “nonsense.” The idea of “nonsense” is perhaps some sort of personal religion I have perhaps – of what is right. And yet I have gut feelings to support it. I guess what I can say for sure about how I feel about people is that some people feel very magnetic, and some feel repellent. Some behavior feels good. Some behavior feels bad. I wonder if it’s necessary to come to the conclusion that I do or don’t “like” someone. Except that I DO and i DONT. Oooh, I just noticed that I type a capital ‘I’ with DO and a lowercase ‘i’ with DONT. I feel good thinking that my Higher self DOES feel love and compassion for all, and my egoistic self DOES NOT because it is looking out for numero uno. And I feel GOOD!!! YAY!!!

  374.  #375AmberS on December 12, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    Soul Sista,


    I’m glad you’re here, posting instead of giving in to habitual behavior.

    Is there anything I can do?

    I don’t know if it will mean anything to you, but I realized something earlier about the way the Universe works. People say things like “G-d is testing me” and that’s always felt really ugly to me, although I’ve seen situations arise in my own life that could be looked at as tests.

    Today I realized it’s not a test, it’s an opportunity. The Universe doesn’t need to test me. I am on the path to my highest good and there are times when a situation arises where I can choose to act or choose to trust the Universe.

    If I choose to act it’s not like I’ve failed the test. I’m still on the path either way. The Universe is giving me the opportunity to learn to trust and lean back. If I don’t it just means I chose option B and will take that route for now.

    I’m still blessed and lucky. I’m still on the path to my highest good. I’m just asking for a little more time to learn this lesson on trusting and leaning back.

  375.  #376Soul Sista on December 12, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    amber: thank you i really appreciate it. it’s been hard for me to lean back in the past week. and i’m talking about TOTALLY leaning back.

    ~ no thinking about him
    ~ no reading rori’s newsletter and seeing how it may apply to “us”
    ~ starting to think about how do I need to change to make me happy so i don’t start having those addictive feelings.

    amber ~ if you would be willing i would love it if we could talk about it off line. livingmydreams@gmail.com

  376.  #377Soul Sista on December 12, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    …something i just realized is i wanted to start getting into the details of the relationship again, which is why i wanted to go off-line and talk about it, but they don’t matter.

    the general facts are: it’s a long distance relationship
    he couldn’t or wouldn’t step up after he told me he had waited for me his whole life. he still says this to me (just 2 days ago) and it feels AMAZING…until the next day when i’m left with no relationship. i do not think he is lying about how he feels…it’s just not enough for him to drop everything and step up. it’s just too painful for me. and i’m letting him do it.

    so, i need to focus on me…and find a way to DATE MYSELF which includes CD.

  377.  #378AmberS on December 12, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    Soul Sista,

    You’ve got mail!

  378.  #379Soul Sista on December 12, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    woops! that was not correct email it’s livingallmydreams@gmail.com

    LOL! at least now i’m laughing instead of crying!

  379.  #380Soul Sista on December 12, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    i hope some stranger didn’t just get a juicy email! lol…omg

  380.  #381Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 11:38 am

    I’m not even going to apologize for this because last time I was on this rollercoaster with you I stuffed it down, vented on my blog and stayed away from this blog for a time. This time, I’m going to do what’s always done to me and just let it out here and see where it takes me. Generally, that takes me to being attacked over and over again but I’m sooooo sick of this!! Hopefully, I can write this all out…put it in public and then just stop responding. That’s what my prayer will be. God…please don’t let me take the bait that is pretty certain to come my way. Please give me the strength to just let this go.

    SS: I’m very curious and pissed about your comment 277. You say this:

    “Mercedes, what you wrote to Daria is triggering the hell out of me. I appreciate that you have boundaries, and I appreciate your honesty with Daria. I don’t get it but it’s not my life.”

    and then this:

    “Dress it in a choir robe and spray some perfume on it but it still reeks of bullshit.”

    So I don’t really understand…is it an appreciation of my honesty or are you calling it bullshit? I wasn’t trying to be nice to Daria and didn’t feel like i was spraying anything on it (actually, I thought the words I chose were plenty rude so when you referred to it as “nice” I was a bit taken aback)…

    I was saying I’m super happy I don’t have friends like that in my life (among other things, people who call others horrible names when they are totally unprovoked – or even provoked to be honest with you). And it’s true. I have boundaries with what type of man I hang with…doesn’t it make sense to you that I would have boundaries with what type of women I hang with?? Or do you feel boundaries only apply to romantic situations?

    Really. Honest was exactly what I was being with Daria but I was using my words and not hers or yours. Maybe because you read my words as “nice” or “bullshit” (?????) instead of how they are intended that I triggered you?? I’m not sure but would love for you to clarify.

    For me, when it comes to you, I try to just let you be who you are without having to read into everything you say. I could, for example, use all your preaching and quoting the bible and talking about bible classes at church and talking about God and then swearing and using phrases like “dress it up in a choir robe” to show how I’m not the only one who isn’t quite as transparent as you would like but I haven’t until now…and the reason I haven’t is because I want you to express in any way you feel best.

    Quite honestly though…I’m sick of being called out on this blog every single time I say something (anything) you don’t like and then having you want to heal it and not cut ties and then having you go back to being rude over and over.

    If I talk about how great my relationship is, you basically accuse me of being dishonest. If I tell someone what I think of them, you call honest bullshit (whatever that is). If I give advice, you claim I don’t know what I’m talking about because of how my relationship was in the past, on and on and on. I don’t get it.

    I’ve tried and tried to just let it go with you but it seems like you’re on some emotional rollercoaster and you feel the need to take me along for the ride. You write about my bullshit above and then five minutes later on another thread you’re laughing about an image I gave you or whatever. I don’t get it.

    Maybe instead of the confusing “I’m all about God. I use church images to call BS. I need Mercedes’ advice. I can’t trust Mercedes’ adivce…etc” you should just put it out there. Once minute I’m triggering you into saying the most horrible things to me and the next you’re asking me how we can heal it and the next I’m triggering you into calling my words BS and the next you’re laughing at something else I said. Where are you? Who are you? I would really, really appreciate less confusion and more honesty from you. Really because I can’t take the mood swings much longer.

  381.  #382Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 11:45 am

    mercedes: where is your blog?

  382.  #383Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Soul Sista: You can click on my name and get there.

    It’s been quite a while since I posted anything good…it’s turned into more of a relationship journal than advice site (for personal reasons) but some of the old stuff I wrote seemed to be helpful to many women so depending on what you’re looking for, you’ll probably either love it or hate it. LOL

    Hopefully I’ll post details soon about my weekend in FL with J…it was crazy and fun and exhausting all at the same time. lol 🙂

    Yet another memory…

    Much Love,

  383.  #384Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    mercedes: looks like i can’t comment there but i loved it. it’s like i was saying yesterday here about the emotions and crying…how a sister (GF) got all emotional and then the tears over something she wanted me to do…when i already told her a week ago i’m not going to do it…

    i was looking at her thinking “thank you for this mirror…i don’t EVER want to do this to a man again!”

    it didn’t work and i’m sure she took some time to reflect and this morning acted like nothing ever happened. good girl…lol

  384.  #385Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    Soul Sista: I’m glad you like the blog! Thank you! I’m not sure why you would’t be able to comment, but I’ll check it out and see what’s up with it as soon as I can.

    I think for me lately on this blog, I’ve just been caving to what everyone else wants from me and that’s not a comfortable feeling anymore. It seems to be what others want, but I hate it. So, last week, I was honest and as usual, when I am honest here, it brings a firestorm. But if I have to choose I’d rather have that than have what’s been going on – me being quiet and someone else translating my words into what they were NOT intended to mean and then someone else jumping on that bandwagon and doing the same thing and then me defending myself and then they attacking and then me attacking back and…on and on…I’m just tired of it. Sometimes, when I’m tired of it, I have to let it out. 🙂

    Anyway…I’m glad you liked the blog and hopefully I’ll put more content out soon. Can’t get to blogger from here and usually spend my evenings with J so I’m not on the computer a lot at home. It causes me to get behind with posts, but…I don’t know…sometimes that’s okay too. 🙂

    Much Love,

  385.  #386Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    daria, all RE: barter, etc: when you are bartering for shelter and possibly board i suggest you understand the psychology that can accompany it…it can lead to a feeling of bondage.

    daria, i could be wrong, but you sound like a freedom loving woman. when you have to make agreements with others for your survival needs, that is not freedom. in this day and age currency enables you to do what you want on your free time…while you are looking for ways to be free of it altogether if that’s what you want. these are all my opinions of course.

    now, i am leaving a partial work-trade and it was great for 4 months while i needed it but now i’m glad to be off to figure out my next steps…in complete freedom. i leave thursday.

  386.  #387Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Mercedes, my mom used to say to me (and sometimes still does), “If you don’t LIKE causing trouble, why do you do it?”

    I don’t know, mom, just some little thing I have about being real and free and not locked up in a cage.

  387.  #388Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    Hmm. Feeling expansive and awed. I just read this on fb:

    The small man
    Builds cages for everyone
    He Knows.
    While the sage,
    Who has to duck his head
    When the moon is low,
    Keeps dropping keys all night long
    For the
    – Hafiz (14th c.)

  388.  #389Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    LOL! Lucy! 🙂 I’m pretty sure if your mom said that to me in this situation I would have to respond: I’m not the one causing the trouble this time. I’m just tired of sitting back while people say terrible things to/about me. I don’t understand how someone can say:

    “My brain said “ain’t that a nice big ol’ pile of cowpie?” as I slowly moved away so as not to contaminate myself with such “nice” words.

    I feel angry and smug.

    Dress it in a choir robe and spray some perfume on it but it still reeks of bullshit.


    To paraphrase my four year old… “I don’t wanna be your friend”.

    And I’m the one causing trouble. LOL! 🙂

    I know it’s generally looked at like I’m the one causing it, but I also think that’s because horrible things are said to/about me here when I’m not online. So when I come back and defend myself (which sometimes happens days later), I look like I’m causing trouble. In reality, I’m just refusing to pretend I didn’t read it.

    Hope that makes sense. I need to vent as much as others do here sometimes…especially when someone else is, once again, getting away with being hurtful when I wasn’t even talking to her to begin with. 🙁

    Much Love,

  389.  #390Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Mercedes, I didn’t mean that you were the one causing trouble. I meant exactly what you just wrote — that (to my mom and sometimes others) it always LOOKS like “I’m the one causing the trouble.” Kwim?

  390.  #391AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 1:17 pm


    I’m going to be unfeeling-y blunt here. You trigger the fcuck out of me when you report back to Rori. I don’t like that at all.

    It is my trigger with my sister and her running to tell mommy all the time. It makes me angry. SO angry.

    And it seems to me like you like to defend other people. This is a trait I’d probably appreciate more if I were ever on the receiving end of your defense. Not that I’m on the other side. I’m usually no where which is how I like it.


    I do SO LOVE that you are consistent. ALWAYS.

    Thank you for being how you are. ALL OF THE TIME.



    PS_ I posted a funny Lewis Black bit about swearing on one of these threads. If you see it I hope you laugh out loud 🙂

  391.  #392tinque on December 13, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Actually Amber, Miss M has no need to run to anybody about anything. She lets it all out wherever and whenever she feels she needs to.

    I’m not sure where you got that from.

    I love the LB clips. I watched more of them with K, laugh out loud good. Thank you.


  392.  #393AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 1:38 pm


    It’s when she says “I let Rori know” or “I emailed Rori”

    It’s an Amber trigger when I see this. We’re adults and I’d rather we all worked through things on our own. If I need Rori’s help I will contact her myself. But like I said in my post to her- it’s usually not my conflict anyway. And when it is- my response to conflict is usually two steps


    Usually followed PRIOR to my hitting post by

    Step 2) What’s the lesson here for me?

    I do see her point, I get it. Because perhaps not everyone here responds to conflict the way I do.

    Still triggers the fcuk out of me.

    BTW- I’m glad you liked LB. What did he say? Pussyfeathers? ROFL.

    And you’re a Cat Stevens fan! Yay!

    I’ve been missing you lately. By the time I get caught up with the posts the conversation has moved on (to a new thread!) and I feel like it’s too late to reply.

    So hello! Thank you for your continued gentle, calm presence. Your posts always feel like a cool hand on a warm forehead.

  393.  #394AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    Ahh- and to MERCEDES (and anyone else reading that post above)

    I apologize for using quote marks. That was WRONG on my part, because I didn’t actually go back and pull the words from a post. SO I may have misread the original post(s) and now I’m wearing egg all over my face.

    I’m sorry.

  394.  #395Daria on December 13, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    Tinque – it was because Mercedes had said she reported to Rori that her blog guidelines weren’t being followed.

    Which is cool with me always that someone contacts – I love Rori and I trust her. And I love her wisdom when she comments.

  395.  #396Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    AmberS: tinque is right…wherever and whenever is how I do it. Most of the time I let it out here or on my blog. Sometimes I go to Rori because I want to let it out privately (always it’s venting in a private manner). Sometimes I go to her (as was this time when I reached out to her) to warn her to be watching because I was very, very close to being totally inappropriate on her blog and when I feel like I’m getting close I want her to watch…that way she can delete anything she feels she needs to delete. Sometimes I go to her for help with an issue that I don’t want to talk about on the blog (when I did that though we ended up making it public anyway so that was all a waste of her time. lol). And most of the time I just say whatever comes to mind at the time.

    I don’t think of it as “running to mommy” as you put it. I’ve been involved in countless discussions here where I said nothing to Rori and at all because it felt totally unncessary. In this case, when I reached out to her it was so she would watch what was happening and keep it under control (as she likes to do)…very soon, it was going to get out of hand…very soon and it was going to be ME that took it out of hand…and that’s exacty what I told her.

    I’m curious…do you feel it is never inappropriate for us to reach out to her if we want to know she hears us? Is it never cool to let her know I’m about to be pushed off the edge and since she’s full aware of what my mouth is like, she might want to take a look at how the conversation is flowing? In what situations would you recommend anyone, not just me but anyone here, reach out to her? There have been several instances of others calling out to her for help and I’ve never seen you mention it triggering you in the past. Is it just me that triggers you when I talk to Rori or is it everyone?

    I don’t understand this comment:

    “And it seems to me like you like to defend other people. This is a trait I’d probably appreciate more if I were ever on the receiving end of your defense. Not that I’m on the other side. I’m usually no where which is how I like it.”

    Are you saying you can’t appreciate me because I like to defend other people but I don’t defend you and you don’t want me to? I don’t, by the way, “like” to defend other people…many, many times I am compelled to do so. I think that comes from my counseling work maybe.

    Tinque: Of all those on the blog here, you know me best…thank you for being my friend. thank you!

    Much Love,

  396.  #397tinque on December 13, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Ah well, maybe I’m not completely accurate here, but I know Miss M really well, and she is not one to duck out of confrontation as is evident here. She is not one to go seek shelter elsewhere or to tattle. She is very much a bring it on kind of gal.


  397.  #398tinque on December 13, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Amber – pussyfeathers, pussyfeathers, pussyfeathers…

    I brought swatches!!! Did you watch that one?

    tea for the tillerman, sigh, yum…where is my cd? maybe in LA.


  398.  #399Daria on December 13, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    Tinque – if u search the posts – you’ll find where she did say that –

    I actually feel a bit weird that that would be a problem.

    Fir me, it’s totally cool that someone contacts Tori when they want help with a situation. I haven’t done it more than once, but I certainly want to feel safe and not judged about doing so.

    Roris blog is not about being adults and masculine and
    toughing it out. It’s about being vulnerable, expressing fully and being a fern.

    A fern asks for help when she wants it… big or small.

  399.  #400Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    tinque: “Ah well, maybe I’m not completely accurate here, but I know Miss M really well, and she is not one to duck out of confrontation as is evident here. She is not one to go seek shelter elsewhere or to tattle. She is very much a bring it on kind of gal.”

    LOL…YUP…that’s me! Most people hate it. Rori likes to keep an eye on it. You seem to go from being amused by it to being my mentor and wanting to help me get perspective on it…to loving it. You’re awesome! 🙂

    Much Love,

  400.  #401Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    AmberS: What do you mean by this:

    “If I need Rori’s help I will contact her myself. ”

    Why is it a trigger for you if someone else reaches out to her (or at least if I do it) but you feel comfortable doing it yourself if the need came up?

    This was going to get a reaction from me…and it wasn’t going to be an appropriate one:

    “Ps I dont drink coffee bitch! and i think you’re pretty damn fake too

    I would hate to have your judgemental ass as my probation officer or something


    thats what you remind me of. like the uptight probation officers who think putting you in jail is what you DESERVE and they are just way tooo good/snobby/uppity to understand your humanness”

    Daria said a few things to me that caused me to bite my tongue…hard…and I hate doing that. I asked Rori to watch it and warned her I was about to lose it. I don’t get why that’s such a trigger when you admitted above that if you needed her, you would reach out to her.

    Please help me understand what it is about ME that triggers you when I do exactly what you would do if you felt the need.

    Much Love,

  401.  #402AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 2:09 pm


    It’s triggers me when ANYONE calls out for Rori. I hadn’t thought of it as you looking for her to monitor you. So that’s a new idea to me. The times I’ve seen it it’s seemed how I described it when talking about my trigger.

    So, because I want to be clear, you are saying that you DO go to Rori, but you do it because you are concerned with your own response?

    That’s quite different than my evaluation of it. Thank you for explaining.

    If I had an issue and I needed Rori, then I would reach out to her. I wouldn’t post about it here. That’s just my way. This happened once, and it was not related to any discussion happening here on the blog. She answered promptly.

    And no, I don’t want you to defend me. Ever. I am interested in hearing your take on things I post, if they trigger a response in you, good or bad. OK- well maybe in a brawl if things get out of hand at a coffee meetup. Then I’d be all for it. Hehehe.

    But I’m not everyone- so like I said in my 2nd post- I understand it and I bet some people really appreciate it.

    It’s an Aries trait and that’s a cool thing. It goes hand in hand with being absolutely certain of yourself. Which ties in with CONSISTENT.

    Which is HUGELY WONDERFUL to me.


    I don’t agree with you on some HUGE things. They don’t trigger me. We have different views *shrug*

    I feel totally safe (aside from the aforementioned trigger- which is under revision) because YOU know what you believe and are consistent. I don’t have to figure out every time you post what direction the wind is blowing.

    My two cents-Amber

  402.  #403Senior Lady Vibe on December 13, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    @393 AmberS says:

    “BTW- I’m glad you liked LB. What did he say? Pussyfeathers? ROFL. ”

    I didn’t see “LB” maybe later. But I have some fun words and phrases also. I always liked “poppycock” there’s a sweet by that name. Can you imagine someone saying “I can’t talk now, I’ve got a mouth full of ‘poppycock’ ?” “Motor trucker” works too.

    I seldom use these words but when alone I will say them aloud, fun and powerful. I will come right out and say “I’ll kick his ass!” my new favorite for obstreperous men…


  403.  #404Senior Lady Vibe on December 13, 2010 at 2:17 pm


    I say “I’ll kick his ass!” aloud as an alone time mantra I don’t say it in public… 😆


  404.  #405Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    AmberS: This is what I said to Rori:

    Subject line: “It’s not just me…this probably needs to stop before I take it out of control…”

    Email: “I try and try to follow your rules, but she’s pushing it. Someday, I’m going to direct my anger at her and not at you as I promised years ago. I hope when it happens you will take this into consideration:”

    and then I added quotes such as the above one.

    Hope that helps clear it up…

    Much Love,

  405.  #406AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Okay- well this is taking a *bit* more typing than I originally anticipated, but here goes…


    And to be clear- Mercedes has now informed me that this does not apply to her and I agree that my evaluation was not accurate. SO- Mercedes is no longer a factor here.

    MY interpretation of telling Rori as “running to mommy”

    and what that means to me is

    KATI says “mommy, SUZY is saying mean things about MARY on the blog”

    AND it triggers me for several reasons

    1) MARY & SUZY are choosing to participate in blog discussion. At any point that one of them feels unable to handle it they can choose to STOP or to email Rori for help.

    2) KATI may think she is being helpful, but unless SUZY or MARY have asked for her to contact Rori on their behalf there is no reason to drag Rori into it.

    3) By involving Rori, KATI has changed the dynamic of the discussion. The parties involved will find their way through it on their own, and most likely will grow in the process.

    4) KATY is deciding that SUZY & MARY are not able to act on their own behalf. Yuck.

    5) I hate bothering Rori. She makes this site available and posts interesting, thought provoking articles and participates as she chooses. I hate the idea of pulling on her every time things here go south. I hate the idea of us not being able to solve our own issues. I have NO DOUBT she is happy to step in in the event that someone needs help. And when she does, she usually says “work it out”.

    So. I hope that clears up MY stuff.

    I have to finish my work-work. But I’ll be back later tonight.

  406.  #407Senior Lady Vibe on December 13, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I think there should be more knitting and crochet and less stress.


  407.  #408Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    Daria, I appreciate what you wrote in 399.

  408.  #409Simply Shannon on December 13, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    Hehe. Mercedes, I’m perfectly chill with how you are. I do appreciate your honesty. I am triggered but your words, but this trigger is finally working out of me. Yeah! You label Daria, I label you, you label me. Blah blah blah.

    I feel happy about all of the faith comments actually. I never intended to be teaching here. I’m just sharing my life. And my faith is a HUGE part of my life. So thank you for that! I am a Chr*stian as well as an eff’d up individual. It took me a long time to figure out I didn’t have to be perfect to have a relationship with God.

    I’m not here to make best friends with anyone. And that’s all I have to say about that. 😉

  409.  #410Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    AmberS: Thank you for the clarification. As far as I can remember I’ve never gone to Rori as the “middle man” (except once when I received LOTS of personal emails about a situation that was happening on this blog – involving ME – and SOOOOO many women were thanking me for saying things they couldn’t say…I felt Rori needed to know then) but for me…it has always been to let out my own reaction so I could curb it here and so she could watch. I appreciate you being able to see that now.

    I probably would go to Rori for someone else though. If they needed it. So if anyone does, please reach out to me. I wouldn’t hesitate. I’d rather talk to Rori for you than see you leave this blog. But you’d need to ask.

    Much Love,

  410.  #411AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    before I go –


    the whole Red, White & Screwed DVD was riotously funny. I’ve not liked his other DVD’s, but that one had me just laughing non stop. Loved it!

    Laughing is such good therapy!

  411.  #412AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Ah… I just have to add

    I have NO problem with the hypothetical SUZY or MARY going to Rori if they needed or wanted her help & guidance.


    OK- that’s it for the Position Statement from me.


    Thank you for ‘hearing’ me and for explaining. Good lesson for me.


  412.  #413Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    To be clear, I never said “teaching”. I said “preaching”.

  413.  #414Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    Amber, I feel curious about your strong feelings around “consistency” — not just in this instance, but in general. I wonder what that’s about.

    (This has nothing to do with Mercedes, just the idea of consistency in general) — I actually feel better when I see people being INconsistent. It feels dynamic to me, rather than static. It suggests (to me) growth, change, exploration, adventure, open-mindedness, flexibility, curiosity, etc.

    Shannon, I am going to use you as an example; I hope it doesn’t feel bad…

    I often feel scared about how Shannon will respond to stuff on here bc I can never predict her response. I feel good when she agrees with me, and bad when she doesn’t (my own trigger — it’s bc I admire her). She seems (to me) to change like the wind — but I know I do too. And I know Why I do. And I like it and see it as a positive thing — in both myself and other people (for the reasons given above). Even though it feels a lil scary when it’s other people. It feels scary and good.

    And if I feel bad when she doesn’t agree with me, I get to use it as a trigger to heal stuff.

    I feel kinda scared posting this, bc I am rushing to finish before dinner is ready and I feel afraid I have been unclear and may be misunderstood.

  414.  #415Senior Lady Vibe on December 13, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    I can feel a riff coming on so THE RED QUEEN and I are going for a brisk walk to the library. Nothing about the blog or the lovely sirens.

    Why are men such lunkheads? Is the topic I will debate with myself for the length of a two block walk. Not worth thinking about, I think instead I will give it one block’s worth of “tsk tsk.”

    Then I’ll come home, look at some Harry Potter knitting patterns, watch Project Runway vids and order dinner. I’m single and I don’t cook when I don’t want to. Yea!

    I wonder when that “How I Met Your Mother” show airs…? Is it tonight?


  415.  #416Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    SLV, yes,”How I Met Your Mother” is on tonight. But I only just realized that a few days ago — I usually just watch old episodes in whatever random order they are on late nights when I can’t sleep.

    I think it’s on tonight the same time as “House” — and I usually watch House. So now I don’t know what to do!!

  416.  #417Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Interesting convo with my kids at dinner about the consistency question…. I asked to hear their thoughts on the subject…

    Their main response was “it all depends.” Lol. Of course.

    My son at one point said, “I guess it’s better overall if a person is consistent, so you know what to expect.”

    Then we polled each other on whether or not each one thought the others were consistent.

    Both kids said they see me as consistent. So maybe it means something different to them. 🙂

    I guess it all depends. 🙂

  417.  #418Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Amber, that’s interesting that you thought (think?) people go to Rori about other people’s interactions rather than their own. Do people do that? I thought it was always like what Mercedes did.

  418.  #419sia on December 13, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    AmberS, what funny link did you post where? I would love to read something funny. And what red, white etc were you talking about with Tinque? Do you by any chance know this:

    Lucy, you are consistent. Consistency does not exclude change. The priest in North and South who stopped believing in God, gave up his parish and lost his livelihood and respect even though nobody had to know, was consistent. Difficult to define for me.. It is more inner honesty which shines tru ations and words, than words themselves.

    I have to admit I would expect an at least implied apology after charged expression about my personal misfortune, before I would have energy to embark on working-tru-triggers journey. Just a way of throwing out an accumulated dirt and starting clean.

    BTW, re: contacting Rori : remember there were some comments in moderation regarding name calling of Katarina /robot, vampire/ in your debate from new people, and Rori said she´ĺl have a look but did not reply. I feel curious if she steps in now, because she didn´t then?

    I felt bad about that.. some time I read more blogs where people go after each other´s throats, ehm, consistently and openly. It can be somehow, a safer feeling, if one stays in warrior energy of course.

  419.  #420Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    hi ladies: i’m seeing references to “consistency” a lot in this conversation. is that a rori-ism? also, just saw sia talking about “warrior energy.” where does that come from?

  420.  #421Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Thanks, Sia, that makes sense to me and feels good to read. 🙂

  421.  #422Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Soul Sista, I don’t think it is a rori-ism. Amber has used the word a few times over the past few months, and it made me feel curious about the concept, so I wrote about my curiosity about consistency. 🙂

  422.  #423sia on December 13, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    hello sista!
    no, I don´t think it is rorism. And warrior energy doesn´t come from anywhere as far as I am aware, but could be likened to masculine competitive energy. I like good battle scenes, I can both fancy the men and enjoy the battle.

    Could you clarify, in your older post you were mentioning fake government, and how we could be free of it, like men are – how are men better off?
    Also, by fake, did you mean pretending to care?

  423.  #424Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    hi sia ~ by fake meaning that this United States when it was founded as a country was founded as a republic – very small government and freedom to the people. in 1871, it was incorporated. The Act of 1871. We now have a corporation.

    i really don’t want to get into all this on this blog 🙂

  424.  #425sia on December 13, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Is the men reference too political for blog? suffering of curiosity..

  425.  #426Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    Oh! I just remembered that it used to bother me that my daughter seemed to contradict herself all the time… until one day she found this quote and told me, “This is how I feel”:

    “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”
    Walt Whitman

    And over the past couple years I also have come to embrace that feeling and philosophy. (Yay for learning stuff from daughters!)

    A few months ago I read a lil hindu or buddhist (or something like that) story that conveyed the same idea. I wonder where that was… it was in a book…

  426.  #427Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    sia ~ what exactly did i post? can you quote me so i can answer 🙂 thx

  427.  #428AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    I’m waiting for a train & there are flurries. No glove to type = brief.

    I like people who are consistently open to learning & growing. I like knowing that the people I love & trust can be counted on to respond in the same voice. I like people who own their “junk”.
    I don’t care how much junk a person has – I care what they do about it.
    I choose the people in my life based on how much trust I have for them. I accept everyone where they are, but I don’t choose to be friends with everyone. Friendly, yes. Friends- that takes trust. And for me it’s not a matter of agreeing on everything. Respect & trust… Brrrrrrr! More later maybe

  428.  #429Daria on December 13, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    Soul susta – warrior energy is not necessarily masculine, rori did a couple posts on envisioning our warrior goddess and embracing our inner drama queen

  429.  #430Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    thanks daria i’ll have to look those up!

  430.  #431sia on December 13, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    soul sista, I cant believe I found it so quickly

    i know the truth about the commerce system and the fake government – and i’m out of the Matrix now.
    once you see the truth of what is going on with these structures then you are back in your POWER – just like Sirens and men.

  431.  #432AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Lucy- I stopped being triggered by you here when I stopped having any expectations for/of you.

    I stopped wanting you to be different then you are. So that’s part of it. Expectations. I don’t care about SS really, so I have no expectations and so am not triggered by her. Well, I care in a generic way.

    I do care about you, but I’ve accepted that we’re just very different and I can appreciate you and your um…

    Ok- I will find a word that conveys this the way I want and with the affection I feel & post it when I get home.

    The point being- you are as advertised. Your contents are consistent with your packaging. Bbiaw

    I hope this is coming across

  432.  #433Daria on December 13, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    Sia – that stuff is in reference to the writings of Mary croft which I was posting a few days ago

    Tho I mostly selected stuff not to do w government bec I was intrigued by the other stuff

  433.  #434Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    oh sia…i see…i meant

    like “sirens and men” as in sirens in relation to men…ie, people in relationship to “government” they have no control over who you really are…like women will give their power to men unless they realize the power they hold…or even better, ARE.

  434.  #435Daria on December 13, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Well I love Ss

  435.  #436sia on December 13, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    I seee! thank you Soul Sista and Daria. All I know of US politics comes from watching The Wire and such.

  436.  #437Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    I love SS too. <3
    I watched SS's church service streaming LIVE yesterday. (She doesn't know that yet.) 🙂

  437.  #438sia on December 13, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    totally triggered anytime I see SS. WWII associations persist

  438.  #439Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    Amber, I’m glad you let go of expectations around me! I feel relieved.

    “…but I’ve accepted that we’re just very different…” I feel kinda smiley reading this, bc I think that we are actually quite similar. 🙂

  439.  #440Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Wow, Sia, I never thought of that with those letters.

    I don’t like that I use the word “wow” so much. I do it in real life too. What can I say instead to mix things up a bit?

  440.  #441sia on December 13, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    that looks like a question for dorothea

  441.  #442Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    i feel really good that i don’t feel like contacting him today…that i feel safe…that i am safe. and i feel wonderful about having the confidence that my next steps are taking me deeper into myself and my femininity.

    i felt sad that he blocked me on Facebook then i realized i actually don’t want the whole world having access to me right now, anyway, 24/7, so i deactivated my account yesterday. i used to love to be on there because i felt lonely. i don’t feel lonely anymore because i know what my next steps are and i want to take them alone.

    i feel good. and i know what i want.

  442.  #443Daria on December 13, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    Love Note of the Week:

    The only way to overcome judgment is with compassion.

    “Understanding that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have, including you, is the key to releasing judgment. At it’s root, all of our behavior has positive intent. So even though the behavior itself may be detrimental to you or harmful to others, at it’s root that part of you is trying to get love, security, approval, etc. It is just a bad strategy for getting what you want. And everyone else is doing the same thing. Judgment contracts our energy – expand into forgiveness and open your heart to the healing energy of compassion.”

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  443.  #444sia on December 13, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Soul Sista, it feels great to not feel lonely..
    I hit it off with a guy travelling recently, and after a week when we were saying goodbye he asked me for my facebook account, but because I don´t have one, the whole encounter ended there. I am glad that it showed he did not care that much as ask for email, and I am glad I was not tempted to fall into online imaginary relationship, had a long one before via email.

  444.  #445Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    sia…that is awesome. kudos to you.

    also, right now my email has an auto-responder on it…i’m leaving for Idaho thursday and i feel really empowered going back after having a heart-to-heart with my mom about going back…i feel good my mom and i are close again.

  445.  #446AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 5:17 pm


    @426- Good for a poet, not so good for a husband. At least not for me. I like people who have a strong inner compass. This is my preference. I don’t need to agree with them, but I need them to agree with them-self. Could be a result of upbringing (in this case I could see that you & I responded to similar things in opposite directions), could be a lesson I learned in my marriage, could be a component of my astrological birth chart or any other as yet undiscovered factor in my physical, mental or chemical make-up. It works for me.

    @439 This is a good example (for me) of you being consistently Lucy. You disagree. Consistently. For me, sometimes this is just onery, sometimes funny, sometimes semantics, sometimes manipulative, sometimes feeling unheard, sometimes feeling labeled, sometimes just resisting. So how I read your words can depend on what mood I happen to be in.

    I just laugh, because I’ve accepted that you are you and your definitions are not my definitions and you are telling your truth. So I get to read the post and laugh, because there you are, being Lucy.

    And what you’re saying is your truth. So the second thought now is usually: Hrm. I wonder what she means by that or why she thinks that? etc.

    RE: Consistency- Unless I’ve said something that needs clarification, I’m going to let this subject drop. I’ve talked and talked now about myself & my views and I’m feeling… Done.

    I’m going to go check out Sia’s link (Thank You!!) and find my favorite funnies to link 🙂

    Is anyone else here an Eddie Izzard fan?

  446.  #447Soul Sista on December 13, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    i wish i could send you all a satin plush one of those bed armchair back rests…really comfy where you just had to leeean baaacck, put your feet up and relax…

  447.  #448AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    Hi Soul Sista!

    I’m glad you’re having a solid day 🙂

  448.  #449AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 5:45 pm


    My favorite way to waste time on the web is probably:


    They have a bunch of sites- some nicer than others. If you click on “ALL SITES” is will bring up the list page. Failblog is not as sweet, but seriously funny.

  449.  #450Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    Oh my!

    “Good for a poet, not so good for a husband. At least not for me. I like people who have a strong inner compass.”

    I feel wide-eyed, surprised. I like people who have a strong inner compass, too. Like me. 🙂

    (The quote has nothing to do with moral compasses.)

    In my opinion, Whitman is actually speaking of something that is true of ALL of us — some are just unaware of being this way, some hide it, some see it and embrace it.

    “You disagree. Consistently.” Ironically (and I think it’s funny), this is actually untrue. Lol.

    “So how I read your words can depend on what mood I happen to be in.” Lol. I completely agree with that! (see previous paragraph :))

    I noticed you didn’t find the word you were looking for earlier (“and I can appreciate you and your um…
    Ok- I will find a word that conveys this the way I want and with the affection I feel”) …

    I think the word is…. wait for it….


  450.  #451AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 6:09 pm


    If I say we’re different and you say we’re similar, what would you call that?

    Lets just go with Awesome.

    And I wasn’t referring to moral compass, but that works, too.

    And I think Buddhists are consistently… Buddhist


    Still looking for the right word, akshly.

  451.  #452AmberS on December 13, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    Inconsistent might be it tho

  452.  #453Mercedes on December 13, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    Inconsistently consistent? LOL. Just kidding.

    Much Love,

  453.  #454Lucy on December 13, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Oh yes, I see I wrote moral compass one place and inner compass the other. I actually meant inner compass, not moral compass, although I think both types of compasses are important … and related to each other, which is probably why my mind flowed from one to the other,

  454.  #455Simply Shannon on December 13, 2010 at 6:25 pm