You Can Do This! Love Advice And Love Learnings

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Here’s an amazing comment from LoveAlways, and Daria made sure I saw it (thank you, Daria) so I could make sure everyone saw it and feels hopeful just reading it:

LoveAlways says:

Happy holiday weekend Sirens!

My weekly time to myself and to spam the blog with my feelings

SIREN METAMORPHOSIS

I had an epiphany today – I looked in the mirror and my body has changed. I looked deep inside and I’ve changed there too – my energy has shifted into something unexpected.

I was an emotional wreak when I bought a bunch of Rori’s products all within one month’s time – I was obsessive!

I was looking to get back together with CDex and learn how to have better relationships with men so he and I could get married. I wanted to hire Rori as a coach, but she suggested on her web site starting with her ebook, then her programs.

Instead of getting him back and on my way to married, after 7 months of continuously listening to the programs, taking notes in the workbooks and talking about to to any woman who would listen (only a handful would tolerate me), I’m still not in a relationship headed towards married . . .

BUT I’ve changed so much and living such a better life within myself. I am happy now.

What I did was learn how to live my own life beautifully.

-I learned that CDex is toxic and the thought of being with him makes me feel slimy all over my skin like grease sticking to wet dishes.

-I learned that I am not perfect but WOW, am I Amazing!!!

-I learned to lean back and let men adore me and lavish me with gifts and to lavish their desires for me without my leaning forward one bit.

-I learned how to really love myself and take care of myself, and how to respond to men in the way that benefits ME best. Yes, it honestly is all about me, but in a good way, not like a b*tch (anymore).

-I learned to talk to men and how to not to talk to men

-I’ve learned to step away (lean back) from men! Unheard of pre-siren!

-I’ve learned the beauty of circular dating, what it means to me (as a reformed perpetual flirt), and to keep my feelings foremost of importance in my day to day living.

-I learned to keep it real and what real feels like for me deep inside my chest, and in my shoulders & thighs and sometimes in my tummy. I got OUT of my head!

Everything I’ve learned – this new way of being – this feminine metamorphosis – it’s uncharted territory for me. And now I know nothing, and it’s beautiful!

I don’t know what to do going forward for relationships.

I don’t know what a man thinks, and I don’t care anymore.

I can’t predict anything – but I understand now that I shouldn’t try.

I don’t care that I don’t have the answers anymore.

All I know is that I feel happy most of the time and it has very little to do with man (except when CD song tells me how beautiful I am – I feel that deep down in my back and it tingles).

I’m CDing in a totally different way these days, and it feels right. Too bad I spent the money on the dating web site! I still check it and correspond, but there are no connections there right now.

And connections – OMG, I connect with men in such different way, but it comes from them! They are reaching out to me connecting – and I’m just responding. I’ve thought of keeping a journal to keep track of it all.

Very very important – I am keeping safe. I feel preyed upon sometimes, and this was something to heal from my past. Still healing, but I know HOW to stay safe and what that means now.

I’m practicing my intimacy tools with CD song and he has turned into quite the tiger – I just give in to it all.

My body is changing (I’ve lost an entire dress size – and going for one more) and it’s more sensitive to my environment – material, water, lotion, skin . . . Like its a cool constant soothing sizzle all over.

My feelings for me are changing. If I hear or see something that doesn’t feel good to me, I feel it, feel it again, and then most times get away from it.

I respond to loveliness like a 3 year old (picture a professional woman smiling like a kid over a flower in the midst of a room full of men, and then returning to my argument like I never stopped – and yes, they responded to the smile).

I have immediate feelings now. My girl energy is taking over, and my boy energy is more concise.

Wow, not what I was expecting, but I’m living an amazing feeling existence now.

Thanks Rori.

LoveAlways

Posted in

190 Comments

  1.  #1Susan on May 28, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I didn’t write the above, but I could have. My life is SO changed now. Thank you, Rori.



  2.  #2Sassy on May 28, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    I was impressed by this when I read it in a previous thread, and I’m still very much impressed. I want to aspire to feel this way also. A very long road ahead, methinks.
    I’m soooo far behind, but I feel that I may have the commitment inside me somewhere. I know I have been making very tiny baby steps within myself.



  3.  #3Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    WOW….



  4.  #4Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    heehee 3rd the royal princess….. *subscribing*



  5.  #5Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Felt very inspired reading this love always…..

    The part about smiling at the flower? Amazing!



  6.  #6R.N.AmazingMe on May 28, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    it is amazing i feel i wrote that as well! that is where i am 🙂



  7.  #7Sun Goddess on May 28, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    This is so how I feel! LP is not for me anymore.



  8.  #8Jasmine on May 28, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I have hope.

    The other night I dreamt I was pursued and loved by a man- something I have never experienced in waking life. It felt so incredible- I felt the love being received and radiating back out of my heart 10 fold, warm and sparkling and pure. I felt light and in my dream he picked me up and held me above his head in the air, I felt safe and supported. He set me gently back down and put his arm around me, smiling and proud to be my man.

    I look forward to allowing love to find me- and thanks to Rori, reviving the Siren I really am.

    As love always noted, I also have become a lot more physically (sensually!) sensitive, it is amazing.

    I have just begun, and with the hope I have been blessed with I am excited for the journey.

    Love!



  9.  #9Radlove on May 28, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    LoveAlways,

    How beautiful!!



  10.  #10ReceivingGirl on May 28, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    Very nice!



  11.  #11Sallythatgirl on May 28, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Hello, I feel I could really use some advice from you ladies!!! I read this blog often and have Roris programs and ebook. I am looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. I am trying to circular date as well. I am online! My situtation that I need help with is with my neighbor. Him and his brother moved into my condo complex last month. They are opening a restruaunt 2 blocks away. I walk by their place several times a day to work…I am a Pilates instructor so I work 3 hours here and there all day and evening. We were all friends, my girlfriend met them and we had them over for wine…I invited the other brother who is gay…I know I still leaned forward! Anyway I ended up hooking up with the brother and then we had sex 2 nights ago….we have not gone out at all. I feel really bad about what I have been doing. I don’t know if he even wants a relationship. He has made a few comments to try to gauge my interest I believe…but I felt scared and said oh I like casual…I feel like such a liar! I know I feel too much to keep just sleeping with him. I feel though he doesn’t know I want more though by my words and actions. I feel I would like to be honest and tell him I would like to date him. Casual sex is too confusing for me…it was okay when I was younger. Would you ladies help me with a script to say I can’t sleep with him because my feelings are developing too fast but I do want to date and get to know him? Thanks in advance!



  12.  #12ReceivingGirl on May 28, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Ok, so, last night’s date with Mr. Observant was the best date I’ve ever been on.

    I feel cherished, adored, taken care of, respected, and comfortable.

    He is so gentle with how he touches me, talks to me, looks at me.

    He is respectful of me all the time, asks what I want, wants to make me happy.

    He’s a complete gentleman, opens my car door, opens all doors, let’s me walk first through a door, paid for everything, we went to a casino and it was expensive, dinner and drinks. We went for breakfast and he forgot his wallet, so I paid, but he said he would pay me back and gave me money when we got back. He even told me to keep the winnings.

    He puts his arm around me, holds my hand, rubs my back, kept smelling me saying I smelled so good, he would warm me up when I was cold. He was very attentive to my needs.

    I have never been treated so well in my life.

    We just talk about anything and everything. We have shared so much about ourselves with each other in just the last 2 weekends, I feel I know him so well. I shared past relationships and what happened with my marriage and he thanked me for sharing that with him.

    Later, he told me about some of his situation. From what he said, he was ready for a divorce a long time ago, but wanted to make sure he tried everything before giving up and he wanted to feel satisfied that he honored his morals and values because he feels marriage means something.

    He said he had been sleeping on the couch for a long time. His wife was just always in the bedroom. He said, she just chipped away at him little by little. They both agreed they are not happy and life is too short to not be happy. His wife is the one who filed the papers. He said he’s over the bad part of the grieving and onto the happy part.

    I have a feeling they are on good terms. He is still on good terms with the inlaws.

    We got hot n heavy later, didn’t have sex, but it could have very easily happened. I think it’s been a while since he’s had intimacy with someone.

    He seems very deep and has out of the box thinking like myself.

    Also, his friend called with a problem and he told him, I’m here with ReceivingGirl. I like to hear that. It means that he’s told him about me. I feel so wanted and special.



  13.  #13LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    OMG, everything on television is icky tonight! Nothing for a siren to watch!



  14.  #14Daria on May 28, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    yay its the LoveAlways show on here tho! and it feels intriguing an wow 🙂



  15.  #15LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Sassy –
    It happens quicker than you think! Get into your feelings as much and as often as you can.



  16.  #16LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Hi Daria! Yes, this is better than TV tonight 🙂



  17.  #17LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Sallythatgirl – what do you feel? You mentioned how you like and want to date him, but it seems that you feel something more. I’m not the best at scripting, but your scripts start about what you feel and what you don’t want. What do you think?



  18.  #18Emerson on May 28, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    SallythatGirl thank you for sharing that story….
    please don’t be too hard on yourself. These things happen sometimes and you are still a siren!!

    Perhaps you could say to him “I feel open to get to know you and I feel amazing and happy when we spend time together. The other day I got caught up in the heat of passion. I feel uncomfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship. At this time I don’t want to continue having sex with you. What do you think?”

    Sirens/ladies what are your thoughts to my suggestion to miss Sally????



  19.  #19Emerson on May 28, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Gosh I’ve been writing on here for the past two posts and nobody says boo to me. 🙁
    Feeling left out
    Aww Emerson
    (((me)))



  20.  #20Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    In NY now…. feels great to experience being here for a while.

    I feel so comfortable and at home here. People are so giving to me.

    I feel a little pressured by my closest friends though.
    One wants me to come back to Baltimore every weekend and that feels like too much for me so I only wanna do one weekend coming up and maybe one or two in July. She’s not responding to my messages now. Hmph, oh well.

    The other one stays here in NY. She works here and is taking a second job at the same place that I’m starting work at. I have to find my own way to the place tomorrow because she won’t come sleep at this house so we can go together tomorrow. Fine. But now she wants me to meet her on my lunch hour to help her get there. idk if i feel like doing that. Im not from here…. I wanna keep it simple as far as moving around for now.



  21.  #21Sallythatgirl on May 28, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Hi Emerson!!! Thank you ladies! I feel like I like him, but I feel this could be the sex hormones, as I have only known him for a month. He is putting his life savings into his restaurant and is there from 7 am until 11 or 10 pm. So I feel a bit shaky if he is even available for dating. Great script Emerson, I just feel bad I said the exact opposite already!! (((my defenses)))))
    ((((Emerson ))))) ((((Love Always)))))



  22.  #22Jilly on May 28, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    (((((Emerson)))))



  23.  #23Jilly on May 28, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    LoveAlways…this felt beautiful to read…so much self awareness and love…awwww…..



  24.  #24Sallythatgirl on May 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    RG I feel so happy for you about Mr Observent! Just keep observing and feeling! The only feeling I have is not about the x but in that maybe he needs to date a bit and reestablish his relationship with his self. What do you think? S



  25.  #25Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    On FB now u can see when sum1 reads ur msg…. so…. first friend, this is the conversation read my first FM and “don’t want” and said “AHHHHHHH i knew it would end up coming tot his”

    So since she didnt answer my “what u think” I just told her what I would prefer to do. She read it, and just ignored it.

    Hmph now i feel mad…. at her… i feel like calling her a spoiled f*ckin brat…. like u cant go 2 a party w/o me…. I DONT WANNA COME ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE DMV…. JUST FOR A PARTY.

    I was giving her the option of me doing one of the activities with her…. but now im mad and feel like just not wasting my time going there at all… actually no it feels more like punishing her…. like “u ungrateful little thing, i dont owe u my time, u gets NONE of it”



  26.  #26Emerson on May 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    21 Sallythatgirl
    It’s ok if you already said the opposite, you can still say something along the lines of the script above because the beauty of being a woman is that we have the freedom and prerogative to change our minds 🙂

    Just remember to keep it short and don’t be explainey. (I tend to do that)
    Explaining is a form of control.

    If he says “oh well I thought you said you were ok with casual sex?” You can just say with a warm smile “oh hmm well I changed my mind and actually I realized I am not comfortable with casual sex and I really feel strong about being true to myself and my feelings….” (smile and silence)



  27.  #27Jilly on May 28, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Sallythatgirl…I really liked what Emerson said…

    I would keep spending time with him and see how you feel in his presence and then when the time comes…depending on how you feel you could say…

    I feel really good spending time with you, and I know I said I prefer casual, but I’m just a girl and I realized I don’t feel good with sex and casual..what do you think?

    and then see what he says…

    or maybe you can just express that you feel good spending time with him…

    and just be open to letting him know you don’t feel good with casual sex..



  28.  #28Sallythatgirl on May 28, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    Oh Emerson, you are right. I can change my mind. I have the siren power! I feel he does like me as more than a hook up but may just not have the time. He compliments me and stopped what he was doing to fill out my businesses tax forms. Then followed up to make sure I checked a few things out with my accountant. I feel I need to work on my need to control this situation and that is the message of this situtation. I felt I had to say I only wanted casual to stay safe and not be vulnerable…hmm things to feel about!



  29.  #29Daria on May 28, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    and after you say that… Dont have sex with him . until he steps up to ask u out or do whatever it is that would make you feel comfortable to have sex and not have it feel bad to you



  30.  #30Daria on May 28, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Sally that girl – remember , feeling messages are only expression of feelings, not thoughts. in your posts so far I haven’t seen yet ANY actual feeling messages (just feel +thought )

    thats something to work on to create the connection with the guy

    basic feelings are:

    i feel good

    i feel bad

    i feel happy

    i feel sad

    i feel angry

    i feel scared

    (tired, hungry, thirsty, tense, soft, relaxed, etc)

    more poetic feelings are : i feel pink and squishy

    i feel floaty like a leaf off the tree

    etc.



  31.  #31Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    woooosaaaahhh……

    123456789…..10



  32.  #32Sallythatgirl on May 28, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    Jilly, thank you!!! I like your script too! I should wait to see him in person right…I know he won’t ask why I said one thing and then changed my mind…but my nvs are screaming,’ you must be bi polar!!’ lol



  33.  #33Sallythatgirl on May 28, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Daria I feel so challenged at feeling messages. I feel they take a feminine finesse I don’t possess. I feel lost. I feel afraid. I feel dumb at being a girl. I feel like I have to try so hard to not jumble myself into a doing man, which I feel better doing. I feel I can change this thought. I feel judged.



  34.  #34Sallythatgirl on May 28, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Daria…theses feeling all had a thought that followed them….i must try harder!



  35.  #35Daria on May 28, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    OMG!!!

    yesss!!!

    just when i was ‘at peace’ – felt the disappoitment of not makin it to south beach and was ok w bein at the hotel –

    the cute guy from last nite called me and like basically offered to come thru and get me!!!! oh wow!!!!! yeahhhhhhhhhhh111“ 😀 😀 😀 😀



  36.  #36Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Daria….. Detattachment



  37.  #37Starla on May 28, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    i spent the day with my best friend, and it felt lovely! I got sexy new workout clothes that actually show off that I work out:)

    my friend didn’t want to go home but I didn’t want to miss my workout, so she hung out with me while I did my thing. And she said it really inspired her. She feels really delicate about her pregnancy so she won’t do any exercise with me, and she’s NEVER been one to exercise before, but today she told me how good of an influence she finds me to be, and how she’s lucky to have a best friend who will never try to tempt her into doing unhealthy things.

    I realized i HAVE been a good influence on my girlfriends. I didn’t start college until I was in my 20s but my all my closest girlfriends followed suit and got their butts in college, and are all earning their degrees now. And with my best friend, she started noticing and following my very healthy diet and practices… and I feel so thrilled that just by bettering MY life and making it a priority, I can benefit others by inspiring them.

    ((((((me, my life, the universe, everything))))))))



  38.  #38Emerson on May 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    Sallythatgirl
    If it helps at all just know that it’s a learning process and I’ve done the same exact thing where I told a guy I was fine with casual and it was so so so not true….

    I know now it was because I was not in touch with myself and now I am much more aware of how I feel and what I really need….which is what you are doing-you’re being honest with yourself and that is so great.

    So anyway I realized it’s a learning process…and I have to remind myself to check in with me and how I am feeling at that moment

    DAria
    I feel pink and squishy
    I like this FM!



  39.  #39Daria on May 28, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Daria I feel so challenged at feeling messages. (great one here!)

    I feel they take a feminine finesse I don’t possess. (mm… i feel inadequate and insecure about my feminine finesse?)

    I feel lost. I feel afraid. (wow i felt this too!) I feel dumb at being a girl. (pretty good… dont beat urself up w dumb.. i feel insecure and sad and not good enough at being a girl)

    I feel like I have to try so hard to not jumble myself into a doing man, which I feel better doing. (I feel challenged and frustrated … )

    I feel I can change this thought. (I think i can change this, I feel hopeful/excited)

    I feel judged.

    **

    sorry if you felt judged related to my post 🙁

    i feel sad

    i feel wow too that you actually are AMAZING with feeling messages! this post felt compelling to read



  40.  #40Emerson on May 28, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    Sallythatgirl
    Yes feeling messages are scary to use sometimes! It feels weird and akward to me at times…but when I’ve been brave enough to stick with a FM script, it has been amazing how men react to me!! Even my Dad!!!

    Even really hard headed CDs like Recycled who I felt I could NEVER get thru to….when I use FM he even looks at me differently…there is a softness LOL and it inspires me to keep using the FMs!!!



  41.  #41Daria on May 28, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    ugh now i feel sad cuz theres another guy who is offering to take me to south beach (wow noticing i feel SAD and annoyed and tense)

    and since I already told the cute guy to come i dont want to tell this guy to come

    but the cute guy said hes got a 95% chance of coming and its gonna take him an hour and 30 min

    thats a long time

    thats Enough time to shower and get ready

    however, this other guy might come earlier and we’re not supposed to wait on a man and just take the first who shows up

    and cute guy said 95%

    if he doesnt show up that wont feel good

    ok what if i shower get dressed and then see how i feel and who else has ofered



  42.  #42Sallythatgirl on May 28, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    Daria, oh thank you that feels like excellent feedback. I feel judged is not just you or by you it is me…I am constantly judging myself…especially with feeling messages because I feel so frustrated. And then the thought…feeling are not frustrating or perfect they just are..I cant be bad at feeling. Thank you!



  43.  #43LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Hi Emerson!



  44.  #44Emerson on May 28, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Hi LoveAlways and Jilly and sirens 🙂



  45.  #45LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    Sallythatgirl
    What would leaning back feel like? How do you feel about letting him pursue you? Now feel how you feel about YOU? Daria’s post about your feeling is soooo on point.



  46.  #46Emerson on May 28, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    re 40 I feel bad cuz I made a judgment about REcycled calling him hard headed
    But really that is not fair to say and I don’t want to put that out there
    (((recycled)))



  47.  #47Starla on May 28, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    And after she left, I had already done my intended workout for the day, but I felt so inspired in return that I got on the treadmill and ran two miles… it felt effortless. I can’t believe I’m in such good shape that running two miles feels fairly effortless. I love being able to look someone in the eye and say, who me? yeah i run 2 miles every day, why not?:)



  48.  #48LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    Emerson is right about changing your mind. Does that feel good to you? Does it make you feel relaxed and softness?



  49.  #49LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    I have always had a hard time with feeling messages, especially with CD song, so I feel first then speak my feelings to him that I want him to know. Speaking my truth. But leaning back works better with him. I script though when I must let him know how I feel. Fms are s great tool because you are putting a whole new energy into how you talk to a man. I think that’s most important sallythatgirl. What do you think?



  50.  #50Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Go Starla… in feeling inspired alsooo….



  51.  #51LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    starla that sounds so healthy and powerful. 2 miles is nothing to sneeze at! 🙂



  52.  #52LoveAlways on May 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    sweet dreams sirens. Have fun in south beach Daria!



  53.  #53Emoticon on May 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    ((((((Love Always))))))

    Goodnight!



  54.  #54siren song on May 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    this post feels so good to read. go sirens!



  55.  #55Turquoise on May 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Hi sirens! I had a very busy weekend. C came up to visit for the long weekend. He did a ton of landscaping and put up a pool and paid for everything. We had an argument, but it actually felt really good. Like I got some old anger out and told him how I really felt. I feel lighter, like I let that part go now. So ready seems to have proofed this weekend, and I was so busy I didn’t even notice. He checks up on me on pof, and I have 3 new potential cd’s i’ve been talking to, do I was on there a list. I am actually really excited that I am getting a consistent string of men with the qualities showing up! One looks do yummy and is retired military, so my type!

    The best part is though, I feel no urgency to meet them, like I’d better meet them when they want so they don’t lose interest or meet someone else. I feel better about me. Like maybe I really am the prize, and the right one will make it work to be with me, and I wont have to do a thing.

    I haven’t had sex in awhile though and that is getting old. I want physical intimacy with someone I care about.

    In other news, my health insurance starts June 1, and I took almost half of the clutter in my garage to goodwill today. It felt so good to be in boy energy, and be productive. I cleaned outta van, inside and out. Repainted the patio furniture, helped with the landscaping, did lots of shopping and running around… But also swam, took long baths, slept in late, and went out to dinner and for ice cream.

    We found an excavator for the back yard, and the driveway will be paved next week. It feels so good to make plans and have them actually come together. The major house projects for this year will be all done!!!!



  56.  #56Daria on May 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    ok i forgot to text him my address… n now he says he got stopped by the police…

    BUT

    i talked to my fam… turns out hte guy who brought me here has been texting HIM! too!

    no wonder they were so gung ho about me comin home and not tryna help me out w da hotel

    im gonna go home tomorrow

    i alreayd met a friend who would pay the room for me to stay

    and want to pay for me to fly back

    but now

    i feel scared my dad will say no now that this situation ocurred

    it might be an issue to where he’s like, dont accept gifts from people
    a
    nd dont take them at face value

    and id ont want to dot hat

    just cuz this guy idnt uphold his agreement of if we fight id jus stay and enjoy my time anyway and hed leave me alone

    blah

    it feels anoyin and plus this guy was nice!

    i didnt even think i was gonna fight w him, till he started acting funny about buying me food…



  57.  #57Daria on May 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    and thne got verbal abusive on the text…

    umf

    in a way i feel surprised i had a long talk w my dad and i kinda feel closer to my family

    and also, that guy mihg tbe reading this since i looked up the blog on his phone

    ugh blah

    well i feel open to be read anyway



  58.  #58Daria on May 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    that explains why i was feeling that anxiety and fear – it didnt feel like mine!

    and random sandess (my moms)

    and furious yelling ANGER (my dad)

    i was feeling all these emotions that reminded me of them and i was like wtf

    now i feel at peace

    i get it, and i get why they didnt want to help me and i feel releived



  59.  #59Starla on May 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    i feel FEAR gripping in my chest, ahhh capital letters

    i have so much farther to go. and only *i* can do this for myself. i feel terrified to be left alone with myself like this 🙁

    When I’m alone, I start to think things like ‘what if there was a big disaster in my city, and no one would be looking for me or checking up on me?…’ Like my mind is playing tricks on me to keep me off my Path To Myself.

    I say to my mind now, “yes, it is wonderful that men, especially those who are sexually attracted to you, will protect you and save you in times of crisis. men are wonderful for that,” say a little prayer for men, and then not dwell on whether I have one around to do that for me.

    Hmmm now I feel in my heart a ‘knowing’ that in case of disaster, the universe would definitely send me a man for protection and comfort, cuz that’s what men do!!

    😀

    <3 men ((((((((((((((men))))))))))))) eeeeeeeee men are the best.



  60.  #60Brandylion on May 28, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    I talked to PriestCD tonight–a friendly conversation–and he told me that he’s seeing someone now. (We broke up in mid-March.) It’s a woman who’s been his friend for several years; they go to Bible study together, and she came out to Arizona at the end of our summer program last year to go sight-seeing with him for a week. He said that he’d never seriously considered dating her before, and that he hadn’t realized she was interested.

    I feel jealous! I feel sad! I feel angry! How am I so easily replaced? I know how–I was far more emotionally invested than he, so he has had less healing and “moving on” to do. The same thing happened with the only other relationship I’ve ever been in, in college, and it bothered me far less then, but it did bother me.

    How is it that I am struggling so much even to get to a first date? It is not fair! I have to remind myself that fairness isn’t everyone gets the same, but everyone gets what they need.

    Why do I need this struggle, with so few men showing up at all, and the ones that do not being Mr. Desirable? Because I have healing to do. Why do I have healing to do? Because I want it ALL.

    I feel *so* afraid to want it. I feel so afraid even to try to get it. Disappointment and powerlessness hurt so much! There is so much of this that is completely out of my control. I am having a hard time reconciling my very strong internal locus of control with this fact.

    I finished listening to TMR today, and CDing the way it’s described there sounds like too much effort. I felt so overwhelmed by all the things it sounds like I need to be doing differently to make it work. That’s a moot point, I guess, since I’m not actually making it to first meetings. I have to keep reminding myself that past results are no indication of future performance.

    Am I really to believe that while life is not just something that happens to me, love is? Am I really so powerless? No, I have choices. I just don’t know what and how to choose differently right now. No, that’s not true. I have to choose to get myself doing things that men do too, to get to places where men are. I feel resentful that the things I spend my time doing are not enough for me to meet a man, and that I have to carve time out to develop new activities and interests.

    I don’t want to join a running group so that I can meet men while running! I like running alone! It is my me-time, when I process a lot of the other things going on in my life.

    I don’t want to change from belly dance class to a salsa or ballroom class! I don’t want to change my budgeting of money and time so that I can afford both!

    I don’t want to give up the quiet time I spend alone. I need quiet time alone every day to rest and recharge and to feel okay.

    I don’t know how to make time in my schedule for dating and the activities I already do and the new ones I need to start and my job. I don’t even have friends that I spend time with regularly! I see the women during dance class when I don’t have school obligations that keep me from going, and there are two that I have dinner with about once every two or three months. That’s it! That’s all the socializing I do outside of my job!

    I’d like to volunteer in an adult literacy program. I’d like to volunteer at an animal shelter. I’d like to learn Spanish and Arabic. I’d like to learn to play the guitar. I’ve been putting off all of those things for (a perceived) lack of time and money.

    I don’t know how to manage this. My boy feels bad because he can’t meet all of my girl’s wants and needs, and my girl feels bad because not all of her needs and wants are being met.



  61.  #61Starla on May 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    60 brandylion
    if you can start doing the 5 second stare/smile, you won’t have any problem meeting men wherever you go in your busy siren schedule:). just keep doing ‘you,’ but open your heart to men more. grade papers at coffee shops and diners and relish in how open you really are to other humans, especially human males. play a game with yourself where you keep count of all the attractive men you see in a day, or on a commute, or on a run:)

    men will seek you out when you have this in your vibe. it is fun and open and turned on and curious, and i know men, healthy men, can smell it on you from down the street.

    i think you doing you and not having any time to actively meet men is actually going to better serve your vibe than putting yourself second to go out and meet men. I don’t see any reason at all to do something radical like give up something you love to do for yourself for the sake of meeting men, when really it looks to me you’re just a tweak or two away from this problem being no problem at all.



  62.  #62Tereana on May 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Hi Brandylion –

    I just read your post on the other thread, and now I see that you’ve posted it here as well. (((hugs)))

    (and btw, that was the fastest new post ever, Rori!! lol 🙂 )

    Anyway, Brandylion, that must feel really, really bad. And even though it probably looks like a “pattern” to you – it may be for you, in a way. But if it is, then I would separate the “pattern” from this individual incident.

    For you, maybe that relationship where you were “replaced” in college is still bothering you and hasn’t had a chance to truly heal. So you can see it everywhere. But really it is inside you.

    Not to blame you. You didn’t do anything wrong. And that’s the point. YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

    Every person is a Universe in themselves. Every person has their own story and their own life path. PriestCD’s story is that he went out with you. And I am sure that he liked you. But his story has to do with this other woman, too, who was and is in his life. She hasn’t “replaced” you. There is NO WAY to replace you! There is no way to replace anyone. (would you have “replaced” her, if you stayed together? That couldn’t happen!)

    I actually remember giving a massage to a girl once – a very bad*ss woman with some interesting tattoos, and one of them was a very large-print, ornate “IRREPLACEABLE” across her shoulders. It impressed me, because it’s true – she is irreplaceable. And so are all of us.

    He can’t replace you and no one can replace you, because you are You, and there is no way to compare you to anyone else. You are looking for the right kind of guy who is going to appreciate the you that you are. But it sounds like you need to be also doing that yourself (which is what we are all here for).

    Maybe men aren’t replacing you. Maybe you are doing it by not acknowledging your feelings. Maybe you think that you shouldn’t be upset by what happened in college, or that you are “over it.” maybe right now you could go into that, and feel the feelings that are leftover, and just let them come out any way they want to. Then see how you feel.

    I’ve been doing this with lots of things as they come up recently. Sometimes an old feeling will stop me in my tracks, and I’ll just have to sit down and pay attention to it, cry, get it out, do whatever I need. A few minutes later, I’m feeling better, clearer, more open. I believe it is clearing the pathways to more love and healing, and it gets easier all the time.

    You’re doing it by writing here, too. I just wanted to offer my support. Sorry if advice isn’t what you need. You don’t have to take it. I just feel and hear how rotten that must feel. 🙁 Your man is out there….



  63.  #63Starla on May 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Brandylion, I really believe you can totally have it all.



  64.  #64Tereana on May 28, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    Hm…I love all the sexy talk that’s been happening on the blog lately. 🙂 I love that we are talking openly about sex, and I’ve been having my own thoughts about some things lately…

    Meanwhile, of course I was all freaking out about nothing with the text earlier! Well, I wasn’t really freaking out. I was just feeling awkward that the Mountain Man didn’t text me back right away. But whatever! I’m sure it was totally what I said it was, because he wrote back that he felt the same way. : )

    This guy is so funny. He is really economical with words. And by “economical” I mean that it makes me laugh, because sometimes his texts remind me of caveman speak.

    Last week, when he asked me out to the movie, he didn’t so much ask me out, as text me the name of the movie. To which I replied, “?” It took a while to get the details out of him. And what I gathered was that he was also drained from work.

    In person, he’s chatty as anything. And he gets really into whatever he’s saying.

    Oh, look at me. I’m talking about this guy. I probably like him or something…. *blush*

    But I just wanted to share one really sweet thing that happened. Because I remember a convo on here about body hair one time. And let me tell you, I have some really special body hair. No, literally. When I was 16, I took myself to the doctor to see if there was a medical reason for my body hair, and she tested my hormone levels and found everything to be normal. She then declared that I was just “special.”

    Well, I’ve always been self-conscious about it. And most of it is normal stuff – leg hair, armpit hair, bikini line. I don’t even mind the fact that I have to pluck a few hairs off my chin every now and then. A lot of women have that.

    But I have a patch of hair on my lower back that I always find unappealing or just weird. I want to get rid of it, and at the same time I don’t. I’ve tried waxing, and that did nothing. I’ll shave it sometimes, but then you get the pricklies. I’ll grow it out to be “natural,” but then it’s just itchy. And even though laser is probably the way to go, it is a) too expensive for me at the moment, and b) I’m not sure if I really want to alter my body so permanently. Maybe. But I’d really have to consider it first. I just want to be honest about who I am.

    Which brings me to my point.

    On Saturday, I was going to shave the hair off that little patch, but I didn’t. It’s partly grown out and soft, not spiky. I decided if he wanted to get to know me, he’d better get to know about this, too.

    So after hiking, we were cuddling, and I decided to bring it up. I told him that I had a weird hair situation, and asked if he was freaked out by body hair on women. He was curious, and so I let him feel it. And not only did he not mind, he said he found it sexy. And he didn’t just say it – he also literally had a hard-on after feeling my body hair.

    Isn’t that crazy??? The thing that I think is so weird and freakish and ugly, this guy found sexy. And to be sure, he’s not the first. I’ve slept with guys and never mentioned it. Sometimes it’s there. Sometimes not. No guy that I know of has ever minded it. In fact, usually if they say anything, they are fascinated by it, and enjoy it. I’m the one who thinks it’s “weird” lol.

    But really, it got me thinking – it’s sexy, because it’s part of me, and *I’M* sexy. It’s not just a weird random thing. I make it sexy. Because I’m me. And that’s hot. 🙂

    Ok, I’m going to bed now. Good night! : )



  65.  #65Emerson on May 28, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    OMG LOL this guy on POF put a pic of his bed on his profile…
    ((men)) are so funny



  66.  #66Daria on May 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    i keep wanting to call that guy who i liked again and be like, man i mean come on, you didnt like me? really?>

    i mean who does that? i KNOW you had to have liked me a lil bit… WHATSUP???

    i feel like all sad when i think of him in a ‘im not good enough’ way

    i feel disappointed

    my ‘vibe’ ‘feelin myself’ ‘swag’ feels off

    🙁



  67.  #67Daria on May 28, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    i feel so sad when i see Starla posting now and she’s not mentioning me

    i feel love for Starla

    i feel very hopeless

    this is a me pattern

    im sorry for causing you pain Starla

    i feel terribly unworthy

    i feel very strong and safe set in my decision to express myself no matter what

    i feel so sad adn dsiapointed and mad that im feeling loneliness and pain

    and it seems to my mind to be caused by my commitment to myself and that feels confusing and insecure making



  68.  #68Daria on May 28, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    I miss my sister.. .she actually texted me to tell me her moms bday wasnt the day i texted

    and that was Nice of her or at least curteous of her

    and i didnt even acknowledge it i feel so guilty

    i still sent her mom a text and still didnt acknowlege it

    she must be… (in her business here)

    ok

    step back

    i just feel sad

    i feel unworthy of friendships

    after i cut off my solidest solid i though best friend and she doesnt want to reconnect w me it seems…

    i dono

    i dont feel safe to trust

    i feel sad

    i feel lonely

    i love my sadness and loneliness



  69.  #69Daria on May 28, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    wow Tereana that feels REALLY inspiring to me.

    thank you for sharing your story about the body hair and men finding it sexy

    im gonna use the image i have of that bein sexy cuz its you as inspiration



  70.  #70Daria on May 28, 2012 at 11:45 pm

    Emoticon i feel melty reading that i helped u 🙂



  71.  #71Daria on May 28, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    i feel so judgemental of mhself

    🙁

    im judging myself as whining strategizing and manipulating using my expression of pain and feelings

    this seems so true

    and its not true

    its always ok to express my feelings, even when i feel judgemetnal of them as manipulations or needyness or strategzinig or whining

    (((Daria)))

    I am your best friend.

    I am your sister.

    I am your girl.

    I love you.

    I love your triggers.

    I love your expression of feeling triggered.

    I love your fear of expressing yourself.

    I love your judgement of self

    I love your fear of being mean and blamy to people and that your expression is criticizing ppl

    i feel so sad

    (((dad)))

    ((me))



  72.  #72Daria on May 28, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    nobody loves me

    tap tap tap

    that feels better now

    i feel sleepy

    yawn big



  73.  #73Radlove on May 28, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    Emerson,

    19 – I said thank you on the last post.

    Boo! Hi! I love you!



  74.  #74Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:02 am

    Hi SallythatGirl,

    32-33 – Feeling messages felt weird for me too, at first. I have been practicing for 3 years…at times resistant. But I keep returning to them, and now they feel comfortable.

    Because feeling messages are NOT Roriese. Feeling messages are a fluent expression of my heart…a heart that has felt neglected for oh, all my life! So it is not at ALL an expression of “dumb girl”. It is a very powerful place from which I can be the queen of my universe, as I was intended, and make my royal wishes known and my precious feelings heard.

    it takes guts to express my feelings! it is an act of bravery! So when I do it around a man, he’s like “whoaaa! This woman actually dared to state that raw emotion I felt too scared to state!”

    And he feels more and more attracted.



  75.  #75Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:06 am

    Tereana,

    64 – “Hm…I love all the sexy talk that’s been happening on the blog lately. ”

    Me too!!!!



  76.  #76Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:14 am

    I spent the day with my Mom, and I noticed sooo many judgments and criticisms, noting how badly it felt, noting that I used to sound like her, noting that I felt detached now, while still feeling yucky, when criticisms, complaints, and judgments were hurled.

    I felt in control of myself. Rather than going to anger, I went to feeling messages….such as that felt bad to hear. I don’t like to be judged. I don’t like to be criticized. I don’t enjoy being around negativity.

    Then I was told I am not loving like I used to be, that I have changed.

    Yes, I have. I really like the new me.

    Well l don’t! You have become cold and nasty.

    No, I have become healthy. I am more loving than ever. I like me.



  77.  #77Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:28 am

    Emerson,

    26 – “You can just say with a warm smile “oh hmm well I changed my mind and actually I realized I am not comfortable with casual sex and I really feel strong about being true to myself and my feelings….” (smile and silence)”

    I like this!



  78.  #78Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:36 am

    Sally That Girl,

    34 – “theses feeling all had a thought that followed them….i must try harder!”

    I find in leaning back and slowwwwly being conscious of being inside my heart, the feeling messages flow effortlessly.

    Sure, there is mental effort in consciously reprogramming myself and not blurting what has become second nature. But I find it is more quick of a transition if I just get in a very internal state and then just go with the feeling that floods me moment to moment.

    And this blog is a fantastic place to express all that. I find as I see my heart more and more in black and white on the blog, the more my heart feels acknowledged; heard; understood (even by me); honored.

    That’s why riffing is so beautiful….

    I feel pain in my lower back
    I feel scared what it might be
    I feel confident exercise and plenty of rest will restore it
    I feel jubilant I am learning new me skills and relational skills!
    I feel grateful to Rori and the Sirens
    I feel sleepy
    I feel pain like a niggling hole in my heart that won’t go away as long as R is distant to me.
    I feel strong I haven’t texted him in days
    Ok, ok, so I lost my phone on Sunday and CAN’T text him, LOL!
    But even so, my vibe is changing. I feel more in control of my lil girl and she feels more content
    By giving her a voice, I have given her a bottle that feeds her lonely little heart!



  79.  #79Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:47 am

    Sally That Girl,

    42 – “I am constantly judging myself…especially with feeling messages because I feel so frustrated.”

    When I first was getting acclimated to all things Rori, I felt the same way. I had hoped for an instant answer to how to relate to R in 2009, because everything was feeling so murky in that relationship. I didn’t know what the he11 I was doing!

    I felt frustrated at first, in realizing that what Rori was presenting was worlds away from where I was. But then as I gradually gave myself to the healing and learning process, I have found it is an adventure all of its own, and the things I have learned and healed from are so far more valuable than the relationship itself!

    I am investing in my life here…my entire life…because this affects my work life, my family of origin relationships, my relationships with businesses, my relationships with girlfriends, with church friends, with all of my life, AND with men.

    It is some really deep stuff and i love it! And I love Rori!



  80.  #80Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 1:48 am

    64 @Tereana.

    Love it, feel so smiling and giggle right now. And I love the feeling of suprice when we let men like us without we having walls up.

    I stand my ground; men want to please us, men can be very sweet and understanding – if we give them the chance, without blaming or judge them based on old beliefs.

    I feel my heart sing of joy. feels good, feeling tears in my eyes of happiness…and relief. It feels scary too – I feel soft. I feel overpowered by my feeling of hope and softness.
    I feel the shift inside. The only way for a man to touch my heart is when I LET him touch it – it starts within US, when we trust and belive in us.

    I feel shaky, I feel connected to you all today. Its all about learning. I feel amazed-one minute I can feel giggle and light. Next minute I feel so sad and heartbroken when I think about my damage hands – I feel sad when I think about I cant work with animals as my heart want to. I miss it…it feels painfull to think about.

    ________________________
    I’m feeling confused – need to do some sorting within myself.

    I had a plan to be a darn rockstar/diva this summer…going to have more then one lover.

    My diva wants this…she still crave for it.

    But I feel my inner romantic girl is starting to rebel against it….

    I’m feeling fooled – I didnt think I would feel confused about it. I’m feeling afraid. I’m wanting a serious relationship more then I wanted yesterday. I dont feel ready for it…I feel afraid

    I had another cd with another man yesterday…it both felt good and bad. My inner diva totelly loved his lust for me – but he was a selfish lover…and I feel honest. It was a wasted sex. But I also feel thankfull for seeing it – it was a good leason in when things feel and bad, and sometimes it can feel both good and bad.

    And it also started the rebel within me between my diva and inner romantic girl.

    I had sex with CDJim earlier that day – and it felt so good; I was feeling sexy, beautiful, godess. He tried his best to please me. Everything just feels warm and safty and very, very good. I feel open and soft with him. Both my inner girl and Diva like this man. I love how I feel when I’m with him.

    And I feel honest and open – this is also part of my inner girl is starting to rebel. I like CDJim. Feels scary admit it.

    My inner romantic girl dont want to have sex with anybody else then this man.

    My Diva dont agree…she wants many lover.

    I feel confused and torn between those two. I dont like that feeling at all.

    So ok, what does feel most scary to do?

    Well that is easy; just have sex with CDJuim…and just date other without having sex with them… and then give CDJim a feeling message about:
    “I feel confused, I dont know if we are having casual sex or dating. I feel honest. it feels good and safe when I’m with you. I feel open to get to know you. I want to take it slow. I’m feeling afraid I will like you more and more each time we have sex. (i choose to give you sexaul exclusivity) What do you think?”

    (this is writen totelly un alter and just how I feel right now)

    Argh and just the thought of saying something to him…feels scary as hell. I’m thinking it might be too soon, we have just had 3 casual dates; even if they felt more then casual for me. Since we did do other things togheter; we went to sun bath, we also went to a shop he wanted to show me. And a lot of talking, he did talk more then me…(yeay to mee)

    I feel a littel confused and dont know how to handle this really…I really just want to feel joy and enjoy the ride. I dont want to put any preassure on him.

    We meet on a casual adult dating site…and I feel some walls is coming up. I want to tell him I going to have a problem about just being casual with him – like him too much for it – and this wasnt in my plans at all.
    And at the same time I just want to have fun and…and darn I see it clear now. I need to tell him about me cant date him casual, not at least have casual sex with him.

    I feel curious where this leason is going. I feel a little giggle – this is how good my diva plan went :/

    Any input ladies?



  81.  #81Daria on May 29, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Jenny – sexual exclusivitiy is not something i would ‘give’

    but rather ‘require’ from my partner (and most likely offer it as well as part of an agreement)



  82.  #82Daria on May 29, 2012 at 1:57 am

    I dont feel good to have casual sex anymore and don’t want to have sex unless it’s exclusive (if this is true)

    if not, you don’t need to tell him you’re sleeping with anyone else, even if you don’t due to your own preferences



  83.  #83Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 2:01 am

    82 @ Daria.

    Hmm for me there is an diffrent between exclucive and sexuall exclusive.

    I’m no where ready give him exclusivety when it comes to dating other men.

    But sexuall exclusivity -that is some other matter.

    …so just dont mention sexuall exclusivity at all…unless he ask about it.



  84.  #84Silver Moonbeam on May 29, 2012 at 2:34 am

    #83 Jenny

    It looks like the old oxytocin has kicked in for you, this is the main reason I can’t have casual sex as I get attached…………..sigh…………..

    How he will react when you tell him you want more after meeting on an adult casual sex site, is anybody’s guess, maybe he is only looking for casual, or maybe he WAS only looking for casual and has connected with you and now wants more.

    Only one way to find out I suppose, the RR way of being totally honest………..



  85.  #85Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 2:50 am

    84 @ Silver – hmm I’m not sure – I have had casual sex before, with other guys…and some I have been having casual sex much longer with not getting attached at all.

    I’m uselly good at see diffrent between sex and feelings…and normally I need more time before I starts to like someone .

    I guess being more open to myself, makes things easier to start feel things.

    Yeah I know, I need to tell him…I’m feeling afraid he might think I right here and now want to marry him – I only want to date him non casual.



  86.  #86Rebecca on May 29, 2012 at 2:51 am

    Brandylion – I so relate to what you are talking about. It feels very simillar to my situation – very few men seem to show up – and I also feel that I very easily and quickly scare potential suitors away. I have no idea why I find it so hard. When I compare myself to others I seem to have major, major problems with ‘dating’ and have had a LOT of rejection in my life. Probably to the point that I am a walking time bomb of nerves.

    The minute I start to ‘like’ someone I start to feel horrendously self conscious, I feel I am making it so ‘obvious’. I feel myself become shy and childlike. I feel like I revert to being about 8 years old. I feel like I can not get over this or change…



  87.  #87Rebecca on May 29, 2012 at 2:57 am

    Wow Jenny – I wish I could have casual no strings sex, and not feel connected or want more etc.. That is very cool..



  88.  #88Rebecca on May 29, 2012 at 3:02 am

    I feel very low today. A male friend of mine came over last night and he is probably the nicest person I know yet I ended up feeling very angry and triggered by him. I find him very, very difficult to say no to. He always wants to know what I am up to, and sort of sees me as someone to provide a social life for him. I’m feeling resentful but I am scared to tell him and ruin the friendship completely.



  89.  #89Lizka on May 29, 2012 at 3:28 am

    I’m not gonna beat myself up with it, but I think I just messed up a bit… ATW spent the night here, and as we were waking up, I was over thinking and my NVs told me that he lied about something and they went on and on and on and I asked him the stupid question. He got a little mad and said “I can show you the message if you want” and I felt stupid and said no, I’m sorry for that and I apologised. Now, I’m having breakfast, and he’s still in bed. I’m going to leave soon for work and drop him. Should I say something to close this? Should I apologize again? Any good feeling message I should tell him before I leave him? Idon’t want to leave him for maybe one week (I see him approximately once a week even though we speak mostly every day lately). Any idea? Thanks Sirens!!



  90.  #90Lizka on May 29, 2012 at 3:30 am

    We are really having some close to perfection time together lately, I don’t want it to end because he thinks I’m back to the question freak I was before…



  91.  #91sophie on May 29, 2012 at 5:02 am

    This is a really great blog thanks(((( Lovealways!!!)))) I especially like what you say about realising that your ex was a toxic man when you came so far in changing how you felt about yourself – a really inspiring and hopeful message to me to just keep loving myself and practice with receiving from men and not caring what they think but staying in touch with how I feel – what was the most lifechanging program for you or was it all of them together?



  92.  #92Silver Moonbeam on May 29, 2012 at 5:53 am

    Well Jenny

    Maybe you have developed feelings for this man that you didn’t feel for the others…………….



  93.  #93Silver Moonbeam on May 29, 2012 at 5:54 am

    One of the most stringent conditions all angels must meet, Bxxx, other than double-advanced harp playing and skydiving abilities (not necessarily at the same time), is that they must not allow themselves to feel hurt or rejected by the choices made by others, no matter how much they’ve done for them nor how great their love.

    Yeah, WOW.
    The Universe

    Angels are people, too, Bxxx.



  94.  #94Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Been shoping and thinking some more.

    Mine last date with CDJim…it could have been a date totelly without sex.

    He kissed me…I got turned on, he keept kissing me…and he just said: “Hmm if you keep kissing like that I think I need to go somewhere out in the forest with you”

    I just smiled and gave him a even hoter kissed…was totelly feelin aroused to max.

    So my “plan” is next time we meet – when things start to het up, say no with a smile. When he ask – then I give a FM about not being able to keep have casual sex with him since I’m feeling ttached already.

    Another problem – I have no F*** clue how translate the word casual to swedish, since that word can in swedish be translated to “relaxed” or temporary, or fugitive or nonchalant or planless or easy/free.

    Now I need to find a answer to his sms.

    He asked me to text his other mobile phone wich I did with:

    “Hi. I still feel very pleased and proud when I think about Truve naked bath. Thank you for letting me come along. Feels good and safe being close to you. I did check up on that store you asked me to do and it is open saturdays 10-15 Hugs Jenny”

    Truve Naked bathing was the first time ever for me going to a naked bathing place – he know this and said many times he thought I was very brave to follow him. And when we sat in his care to the bath place I was feeling so nervous, and I said so. He smiled big and said: “I can feel how nervous you are”…I think he liked that I allowed my feeling shown, and not pretending to be strong.

    Anyway got an replay from him 2 hours later:
    “Hi, thanks for you wanting to follow, I’m not totelly sunburned but it is so worth it 🙂 then I know at least what I should do soon a Saturday : D Hug”

    So that was 15 hours ago, I havent texted back – dont really know what to say yet :O

    That is a new feeling…I feel calm and relaxed. I can take my time to replay when I know what to answer insteed just write something out of fear of losing his interest. Yay, big hug to me – progress.

    Also been thinking about Oxytocin…if it is a case of that…then I’m in big trouble with this man. I havent even got any orgasm with him yet…just been so darn turned on and aroused that I have blocked myself from getting an orgasm. But we also cuddles a lot, he touches me a lot, holds my hand in public…I feel a litte scared now. Maybe I event cant cuddle wioth out getting that hormon with him…gahhh.



  95.  #95Emoticon on May 29, 2012 at 6:17 am

    I am a greeeaaaat receiver. Glad i feel so much more comfortable receiving.



  96.  #96Emoticon on May 29, 2012 at 6:20 am

    WOW this man that i practice FMs on, but never really considered a CD….. i just wanted to practice talking to a guy i saw as a thug (even if it was only on FB)…. he just told me that he thinks he’s falling in love with me.

    (((((thugs))))))



  97.  #97Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Jenny,

    80 – “Next minute I feel so sad and heartbroken when I think about my damage hands – I feel sad when I think about I cant work with animals as my heart want to. I miss it…it feels painfull to think about.”

    Please excuse me if I missed something…I wonder how you damaged your hands? I love animals too, but I feel so sad for so many reasons surrounding them that the ONLY capacity I would want to work with them is at a no kill shelter. I feel curious…in what capacity did you work with animals?



  98.  #98Starla on May 29, 2012 at 6:55 am

    ack, another day.
    -flip-
    i feel so appreciative of another day to live my life:)

    fark.
    -flip-
    kraf?

    shoooot, starla, let’s do this ‘life’ thing. get out of bed babygirl



  99.  #99Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Emoticon,

    96 – LOL, you and April Rose are in good company!

    I have dated my share of {{{thugs}}}, and I’ve had way more than my fill. It felt especially off the time I sat on the lap of a thug while he joked about “offing” someone and how funny it was when he “slumped” him. That was when I started to take a serious look at myself and my life and what I was doing.



  100.  #100Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Moonbeam,

    93 – That is beautiful!



  101.  #101Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Rebecca,

    86 – I can really relate to what you said. The Sirens encouraged me to practice talking with men, all kinds of men. After I smile and make eye contact and they start talking to me, ground myself by leaning against a wall or whatever is near. Then consciously practice the Rori Raye Dance Position and leaning back, both physically, and in conversation.

    I think it really comes through practice mostly, along with reprogramming my inner self talk to be far more positive and loving to my inner lil girl.



  102.  #102April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 7:31 am

    I feel angry



  103.  #103Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I thought it was a big no no to offer sexual exclusivity without being asked…it comes accross as needy/pushy/weak?

    We express our feelings and what we DONT want and then ask what do you think? …then silence…



  104.  #104April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Hello Emerson,

    I wrote to you a couple of postings ago.
    Did you see my message?
    It was about what to say when a man asks for something in return.



  105.  #105April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 8:00 am

    I feel an ache, a nagging pain in my womb.
    The nurse was really hurting me yesterday when she carried out a smear test.

    ((((((my cervix))))))



  106.  #106Mel on May 29, 2012 at 8:02 am

    103: Emerson

    “I thought it was a big no no to offer sexual exclusivity without being asked…it comes across as needy/pushy/weak?”

    That feels right. NO offering. But I feel it is actually strong and sireny to require sexual exclusivity before being intimate.



  107.  #107Nadia on May 29, 2012 at 8:02 am

    That was beautiful and inspirational! Thank you for sharing.



  108.  #108CurvySiren10 on May 29, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Why do you feel angry April rose?



  109.  #109April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 8:03 am

    I felt like crying.

    I was thinking about my Mum.

    She died from cervical cancer at the age of 44 (the age I am now).



  110.  #110Mel on May 29, 2012 at 8:03 am

    ((April Rose))

    Why angry?



  111.  #111Jessie1000 on May 29, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Jenny! I never in my life had more than one man want me at once. It has to be the wierdest problem Ive ever encountered.

    Usually my problems are like who is he texting. Who is that girl on his phone?

    Usually my problems are like does he think Im his maid and will he go to a chick flick with me?

    Now I have so many dates, this week, that I told one guy he should remind me before the date 1 hour just in case I forget Lol!!

    RORI! wow this is the newest and best problem I have ever encountered in my life!!!

    Kisses everyone!



  112.  #112April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 8:13 am

    I feel this primal rage in my head, my belly is hot and I want to scream and punch.

    I feel trapped. I am living with a man. I broke up with him but I love him, I feel so frustrated. He is always here.
    He never goes out. I go out but he is always IN.

    We live in our stupid workplace.
    He is working, working, working all the time.

    I want to smash his face against the wall.
    (I won’t do it)

    My heart is not open and warm.

    We are going out to a dance class now, at my suggestion.

    I’ll see if I can warm my heart towards this man. I’m angry because he loves me but isn’t into me the way I want. I feel so much hatred. Twisted up love.



  113.  #113Sallythatgirl on May 29, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Good morning. Thank you Radlove for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully. I feel cared for! I feel I need to really figure out how to lean back and still unzip my heart. I feel when I lean back it’s a game. I feel untrue. I feel avoiding. I feel closed. I feel frustrated to lean back and be open…I want to be open. I feel easy. I feel my degree of difficulty is a zero. I see my neighbor, lets call him Mezecd, 10 times a day! For today I am going to practice smiling at him only. No initiating conversation or waves. I feel better. Does that sound good?

    Liza, I feel you should leave it. ATW will probably forget about it if you just go back to being your sirens self. Guys forget stuff long before us! I feel you can just change the thought to, he’s flattered I am a bit jealous…inside your head of course and carry on cheery and bubbly sexpot style! What do you think?



  114.  #114Ella on May 29, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Ummm,

    I just want to vent a bit….

    Feeling MAD!!!! Grah.

    So this is not directly to do with me… and also I know it is not really my business… and I feel mad anyway.

    So when MWC split with his ex (they were together 7 years but never married) they split because of a number of reasons I am sure but one of the things he has mentioned is how she developed a gambling problem and spent all their money.

    Like literally he would be putting money across for bills and she would use it all up in gambling and hide the letters that came through the door.

    She re-financed their car and took out 2 credit cards in his name without his knowledge.

    When it all came out he asked her to leave (they tried again a few times but it didn’t work) and so he said it was all just such a mess and he told her to take the car and he would stay on in the rented house with his dog.

    Anyway the long and short of it is that 2 years later he is still paying off her debts. And he is struggling to make ends meet.

    And these are BIG debts. All of which were hers.

    He has to go without a lot of stuff, and often we can’t do stuff because of this situation.

    And she has never offered to pay towards the debts. He also lets her take the dog every weekend.

    When we spoke about it I said I felt mad hearing about it.

    I asked him how he felt and didn’t he feel angry and his response was that it is done now… and it all happened a long time ago.

    He said he was the one who asked her to leave and he feels it is too late now to suddenly turn round and ask her to start paying.

    Plus he says he doesn’t want that tie to her. He says that part of his life is done and over and that is how he wants to keep it… and the debts will get paid off eventually.

    I wondered if he felt guilty about ending it but he says no.

    He is a very selfless person but it kinda makes my blood boil that his life, and now mine too, are affected by this. Sometimes I think he is too nice.

    On the other hand I feel pleased that he is so lovely… But I feel shocked that he is just paying off her debts like that and not fussing or angry.

    I feel like ‘how dare she???!!!’

    It has crossed my mind that if and when we get married… and if we have children, which is a possibility on the cards, that this could have a big impact then.

    Because of this his credit rating is totally scre0wed and mine is no good, although I part own a place in the city which has some equity. I had thought that one day I could sell it and that would give me some money to start off down here… but obviously my partners financial situation would have a big impact on what was possible here too.

    I’ve just always dreamed of a nice place to live, that I own with my partner… but stuff like this makes me doubt if it will ever be possible.

    I know I am getting ahead of myself and these are my dreams, which feel important to me.

    It just feels maddening… trying to get ahead and all these things that just kind of keep us back.



  115.  #115Sallythatgirl on May 29, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Sorry Lizka…dang auto correct!



  116.  #116Francesca on May 29, 2012 at 8:17 am

    (((April Rose)))



  117.  #117Starla on May 29, 2012 at 8:19 am

    ok ok just gotta keep going with my man detox.

    men are still all i think about and i still think about cf most of my waking hours, lol. i know deep down that it’s just me distracting myself from my real anxieties that i don’t want to face
    ((((((((starla)))))))))



  118.  #118amy k schmidt on May 29, 2012 at 8:20 am

    is it truly over?
    i need help! my guy of 18 months said its over. i dont want it to be over!
    i am new to your blog, so some background: i am 46 yo divorce atty. triathlete and in shape, finanically secure. no kids. very social. divorced in late 08. dated alot.. then this guy “bob” who i had known for years but rarely saw and was always attached became unattached and asked me out in summer 2010. he is a very high profile political guy, 60 years old. we had a great time for about 9 months. he dumped me last summer to return tohis ex.. except she would not take him! i spent months winning him back. we had another great few months. then he said :we arent right for each other” and ended it.. yet he has come around a few times since. we always have a great time! last time tho, he was on his way over and then texted ” you probably have a new boyfriend” and then” i dont want to send mixed signals, continuing to see you is not advancing the cause of us moving on”

    ok, so in reading and listening to your programs, i have an idea of what happened in general. he was attraced to me outgoing, flirtatious, confident personality. he pursued. at first, i was more standoffish. i then realized- i actually LIKE this guy and tried to change myself to accomodate him more ( mistake #1). he isnt as attracted to the “new” me and starts pulling away. i start chasing and always analyzing what was happening ( mistake #2)and, quite honestly, went passive agressive- blowing over nothing because i was mad at his lack of communication ( he said i cross examined him, probably true, occupational hazard) . he dumps me. she wont take him back. i throw myself into hot pursuit and yes, use sex as a tool. got my foot back in door but then was never confident in the relationship and continued to live in my head and over analyze. talked him to death. said ” i love you ” first- no reponse. OUCH. got the ” i dont love you and we arent meant to be together long term ” speech…. BUT all the while we are having an amazing time togehter.. he wasnt faking it.. and everyone said he was happier than he had ever seemed with me. so i turned a blind eye to his lack of commitment. and then… 6 weeks or so ago. its over ( except for occasional contact as i described above)

    i am now dating up a storm and trying not to focus on him, but i want him back! i am tryign to refocus on me and realized i lost myself over the last year in all the chasing. i am trying to go no contact, but that is hard too. i guess i want a crystal ball…. does “no” really mean “no” when he texted wanting to come over as recently as a week ago?

    i enjoy the company of some of the guys i have gone out with , but i really care for this guy and dont want to give up, especially when i know how much fun we can have. i am ok just dating him and not being exclusive.. at least for awhile

    advice??



  119.  #119Ella on May 29, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Ok… so I know he is taking the high ground… and taking a very zen approach….

    But GRAAAAAOOOR!

    I mean part of me wonders if he is just trying to avoid confrontation.

    And he says he just doesn’t want to hassle.

    But still, I just feel mad about it.

    I intend to respect him and his decisions about how to handle this… I mean its his life.

    And I still feel mad about it.

    I feel hella mad at her.

    Even though I don’t know her and I’m sure there is a whole nother side to it….

    Just feeling mad.

    Growling inside like a bear.

    I didn’t really want to be with a man who has financial problems… esp as I have my own to deal with…

    And ESPECIALLY when they were not even his debts!!!!

    And on the other hand there are other things in a man that are much more important to me… like me feeling loved, safe and cared for… which I do!

    And him being kind, loving, gentle and tuned in to my needs… and able to listen and get me.

    Which he is.



  120.  #120CurvySiren10 on May 29, 2012 at 8:24 am

    So sorry about your mum April Rose…

    And also about the man-trap you’re in. You are such a strong siren, you will figure this out. I am sure of it.



  121.  #121Francesca on May 29, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Wow, Ella, that sounds like a f*cked up situation.

    I wonder if he feel like he owes her something, even after all these years…



  122.  #122Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Ella,

    114 – I feel angry reading this about how he allowed this woman to stick him with all her debts. Sure, he is a nice person. But too nice – that is a lack of boundaries. It probably is too late to do anything. But if anyone did that to me, I would take them to court. Yuck.

    Sallythatgirl,

    You’re welcome! Yes, just smile and eye contact and dress nicely until he talks to you.



  123.  #123Francesca on May 29, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Radlove, I just love how your vibe seems to have changed these days.

    I can really feel how positive you are about your life now.

    It feels so soothing to read what you write here.

    Keep it up! 🙂



  124.  #124Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 8:33 am

    104 April Rose I think I missed your comment…I will look for it. 🙂 thank you.

    Sorry you have pain and sorry about your Mother. 🙁 (((AprilRose)))



  125.  #125Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Awww….Daria, that felt really cool to read (#69) I’m happy that you find it (and me) inspiring! Thank you! 🙂



  126.  #126Starla on May 29, 2012 at 8:36 am

    it freaks me out so bad, i feel like crying, that people can be together for 7 years and then end it all very badly.

    i couldn’t even make it 9 months=/

    my longest adult relationship was 2 years and he was really abusive and so was i:(



  127.  #127Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Breakups aren’t always meant for makeups.

    Sometimes they’re meant for wakeups.

    ~ Larry Goodman, If You’re Single



  128.  #128Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Francesca,

    122 – That feels so encouraging! Thank you! Yes, I am feeling more of a shift!



  129.  #129Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 8:38 am

    I feel so bad about not wanting to be around my Mother but she is so draining!!!! I feel badly about it because I know I will feel sad one day when she is gone. 🙁



  130.  #130Jessie1000 on May 29, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Daria @72

    Are you sure no body loves you?

    I bet you there are tons of men out there who love you and would love you!

    Maybe you didnt love them back or maybe they werent man enough for you.

    Your family loves you even if you are a grown up and the fact that you made it past 18 means that alot of people loved you, kept you safe, fed you, kept you warm and helped u in their own ways to get u to adulthood.

    Trust me, kids who were extremely neglected either end it or end it by proxy…drugs or alcohol or violence if they werent somehow loved….

    All children who are not badly abused, love all of the people around them, good or bad cause they are innocent and developing a sense of self!!!

    Even your mayor and politicians, and infrastructure around shows that someone loves you, cause whatever city you live in, there is power, sewage, gas, grocery stores, and jobs for you. Every amenity is available, and these are all acts of love by someone who spent fractions of their lives to develop and sustain our lives!

    Lots of people love you!

    Even trees planted in the city and maintained show love, love for our oxygen, for aesthetics of our home, to provide growing life for us to enjoy!

    Somebody, live or dead, loves you!
    Wait I have more!

    Social mechanisms, if you want to get right down to it, are always acts of love because while people do sell their labour and would work in any job to provide for their families….A large percentage pick jobs that make them happy! So the woman who serves u coffee, makes u a burger, health professionals, janitors, doctors, educators or men who build our houses, apts, pave our roads, fix our street lights, take out our garbage, police our neighbourhoods, work on ambulances, all increase our ability to freely move around with such apparent ease that WOW, sometimes we forget how much is done for us every day!!!

    Somebody loves you!

    Lots of people living and past dead, long dead, our forefathers, IN canada, the men who instituted Voting, free healthcare, hospital systems, womens rights, court systems, international judicial systems, human rights, and so many other things, all in some ways loved each and every person that is alive today on this earth!

    Somebody loves you!

    And even our religious systems, some bad and some good were instituted and maintained with the idea of valuing communities and families for caring for the welfare of children adn mothers, to provide rules and structures for the good of society!! Who doesnt have a church or synagogue or mosque out there?

    HOW about Funeral systems and burial systems?
    How hard is it to get up in the morning and bury the dead?
    Comfort the grieved?
    Embalm a body?
    Wash and examine someone who has been murdered?
    All those people take on those diff. jobs, for some monetary compensation…but work is not all about economics! Like I said before!
    Imagine if those people werent there and all people were laying dead every where, smelling, rotting, people mourning without help or comfort???

    THere is love all around US!

    How about historians? Boring job eh? How would anyone know about their history? their past? their significance without historians to carefully document and try to retrace events, perspectives, to sit in archives, to gather information for dissemination! WOW….that takes a love of society and hardly any gratitude….those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it!!!

    Live in a country where your past has been erased or rewritten!!! you have no idea what its like!!!

    PEOPLE love you!!!

    Scientists OMG! Ungrateful job! Have you ever been to a boring lab and those icky white lab coats they make u wear, doing experiments….why do we have tylenol? Birth control? condoms? chewing gum? O Henry bars (i love those) all because some scientist developed it and its now at our disposal not to mention cancer drugs, weed!!! lol morphine, anaesthetic omg so many more THINK EVERYONE THINK!!!

    Factory works who make cars!!! tire manufacturers!! assembly lines of production! where would we be without busses and bus drivers! The list goes on and on….

    SO when u lay in bed (on mattresses and quilts, and pillows that someone made) in your warm house or a/c that someone designed and built for u with their muscles and sweat, and try to fall to sleep and read rori raye (omg computers, designed for communication, net sites, net working,) and get infromation from people who are good and helping like RORI RAYE !!! lol

    Remember alot of people love you!

    Maybe they dont get in bed with you every night but lots of people love you and provide you with security and safety.

    Kisses everyone cause its easy to forget that we live a good life in a western country with low infant mortality but we can collectively reunite and remember!!

    Give a child a popsickle today!

    Do good for others!

    Keep on keeping on!



  131.  #131Ella on May 29, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Francesca,

    Yes, that was one of my thoughts too…

    Radlove – yeah I know! Uck.

    Maybe a lack of boundaries… I don’t know… but he seemed pretty firm about wanting her to leave and not wanting any more ties or anything.



  132.  #132Ella on May 29, 2012 at 8:48 am

    I am actually feeling kinda boily and rageful in my tummy.

    Ewwwerrr yuk bluk.

    I feel tense in my shoulders and like hitting things and creating drama.

    My innner drama queen is feeling pretty furious right now…

    And this is not even something that has been done directly to me.

    But my Inner Warrior Woman wants to go to war and fight for the people she cares for (me and him!).



  133.  #133Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Starla,

    I feel sad about how disposable relationships are in this society.

    The way I look at it, no one is perfect (except God), so if I throw away every relationship because someone made a mistake, I will never have a lasting relationship.

    What feels good to me is unconditional, unfailing love.



  134.  #134Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Hi Jenny – Thanks! (#80)

    That was a powerful post. It sounds like you are doing all the right kinds of inner work to get to where you need to go! And it’s okay to have that “conflict” between your inner “good girl” and your “diva.” (I forget your word, but I just made up good girl as the one who wants to have just one guy.)

    Well, maybe you don’t need to commit right now. In my experience – and as per general Siren Code (if there is a code. lol) – it doesn’t usually work when we “offer” a man commitment or exclusivity. Even if that’s what they want, they usually don’t want it when we give it to them if they haven’t asked. And that’s also my experience. Not to say it’s wrong to have the feeling. Just that if HE wants it, and he knows he wants it, he will ask you, and give you the opportunity to say yes. Then he will feel happy and invested in you and he won’t want to give you up. If you make it “too easy” for him, it will appeal less to his masculine sensibilities.

    I really like this part that you wrote: “I want to tell him I going to have a problem about just being casual with him – like him too much for it – and this wasnt in my plans at all.”

    That sounds like a GREAT authentic statement! You could totally share that with him!

    And if you wanted to tell him about it, you could start with an FM, like “I feel great with you, and I love being with you,” and then you could go into how you like him too much for it to be casual, and if you are with him, you would want it to be exclusive.

    And in this way, you are not ASKING for exclusivity, nor are you TELLING him that you want to rearrange your life so that you are exclusive with him. You are simply informing him of what you want. But for this to work, you would have to say that you don’t feel comfortable sleeping with him again unless or until it is exclusive.

    And then you have to be prepared to WALK AWAY and focus on other CDs, and sleep with other men, and have your other lovers. You’ll probably still be thinking about him and miss him. But you have to give him a chance to miss you, too. Without you there, and “available” to him, he might decide that he really wants you, and he’ll pursue you and ask for more commitment. If all he really wants is casual sex, and he’s not interested in dating anyone at all, then he will simply move on, and then you will know that he was not “relationship ready.”

    It’s like a test, but it’s not an ultimatum. And it’s you being fully and totally authentic. Continuing to sleep with him in a casual way when you are not feeling that you want to be casual is inauthentic, and in a way it’s lying to him, because you are sending the wrong message – that the casual relationship is okay with you, when it’s not and you want more.

    It doesn’t have to be dramatic. But if you step away gently, and feel totally grounded in your decision, then he will likely be intrigued. You could plant the seed for him to think about “more” with you, while letting HIM make the decision on his own. Because he’s a guy. And that’s what they like to do. ; )

    Hope that feels helpful or gives you some ideas! You sound like – and of course you ARE – a totally worthy and deserving siren, and you don’t need to take crumbs if you want the whole cake. You go, girl! : )



  135.  #135Starla on May 29, 2012 at 8:56 am

    hmm noticing it feels better to focus on the long lasting, loving relationships i DO have.

    like with my best friend 🙂 awww i love her so much. i feel so comfortable and like myself when i’m around her. we have been best friends for 18 years.

    and my grandma 🙂 she would never turn me away, ever.

    ok i don’t have much to list beyond that, but I am a lucky duck for those nice relationships:).



  136.  #136Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Eww, yuck…I just had a misunderstanding of location with a new CD. Neither of us knew there was the same name town in two neighboring states. So he thought he was located near me. We just realized we are 2 hours away. He said, ” but not sure if you want to drive.”

    I didn’t say anything yet…gathering my thoughts for a feeling message about the man coming to me. I got it covered tho. It’s getting gradually more automatic to speak in feeling messages and not to accept second class treatment.



  137.  #137Femininewoman on May 29, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Hi AmyKSch maybe you have already established a pattern with him where he says what he says, leaves, then comes back for sex, you take him back, then he leaves again? What would that be communicating to him about how you value yourself? It seems you are doing great cdating and living your life. I would just walking. I know it is not easy but the best in my opinion is in breaking the cycle. Please read your comment again like an outsider and see if it doesn’t read like an addiction. I believe you can do better than this.



  138.  #138Starla on May 29, 2012 at 9:01 am

    detoxing from mancrack feels really scary
    being left alone with myself feels so scary
    and i’d say i need to be brave, but it’s not about bravery. it’s actually about being soft and vulnerable to myself and for myself, so that I can authentically carry this forward into my future romances.
    i hope it’s okay to be semi-spamming here as i cope with this moderate anxiety.



  139.  #139Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 9:08 am

    97 @ Radlove says:
    “Please excuse me if I missed something…I wonder how you damaged your hands? I love animals too, but I feel so sad for so many reasons surrounding them that the ONLY capacity I would want to work with them is at a no kill shelter. I feel curious…in what capacity did you work with animals?”

    It was in a swedish city called Kristianstad. I was working on a farm with 250 milking cows, it was all the hard an monotomus work that made my hands start to hurt – untill I had so much pain I couldnt hold a fork or shake hands without cry out in pain. After lots of sicklistning I had to leave my work, since I couldnt keep working with something that hurt my hands…and I couldnt fget any help of getting any new job as long as I was employed, so my doctor, the union, the Insurance instance (wich was paying my money) Just said “Now is enough, you cant stay there”

    That was 2003…2006 I was deeply depressed from my lost of the animal work – and from haring from those who was suppose to help me that: “You have to like more things in life then animals, you cant just like animals” “There must be something else you want to work with” “We think you are lying about you bad hands – you are such lazy liar who dont want to work”

    2006 I got sicklisted for depression and the doctor saw saomething else behind my depression so he sent my to a place to try find out if there was something neurlogical going on. I got diagnosed with borderline and ADHD: for me it was a big help the easier understand myself.

    2008 I moved to my mothers house, 2011 may I felt such need for sex..I knew my depression was gone.

    I see my depressin as a leason; never again shot myself down like that again.

    And I’m using RR tool to work with my soorow over the lost animal work.

    My hands will allway be damage, i cant work with animals on a farm…I’m trying to find a work where i can use my creativty and big imagination and this year is the first in a very long time…I feel hope. It feels good. I feel both exatited and a little scared about my futher

    ******************
    111 @ Jessie1000

    🙂 Well I ask my dates to remind me the day before from the same reason



  140.  #140Femininewoman on May 29, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Ella he is not fussing and angry because he is a man. They take care of business they don’t get emotional or throw fits over things when they are masculine and mature. They make decisions and look for solutions. That story is to me a messsage of how addictions affect people’s lives.

    On another note I am thinking that if he could convince the company to reduce the interest rate, that his income have since reduced, or that he is struggling because of the current economic situation they might offer some type of deal. I did that last year with Discover. I told that that I am one of their long term customers and that I am knee deep in debt and needed help because of the economic situation. They agree to eliminate the finance charges for a year and deduct the monthly payment directly from my account during the period. A friend recommended I call them because they had offered something similar to his wife.



  141.  #141Daria on May 29, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Jenny. Thank u

    🙂 I know. Everyone does love me and most important I do.

    Even tho I ivein earth where history gas indeed been rewritten.

    And founding father’s triggers me to think genocide more then welfare

    And I coukda’s went down to violence n that was the plan

    My unborn baby lived me

    Mmm and I have all these attachment. To violence andistill loveme



  142.  #142Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Radlove #133 – I agree. I think people see relationships as very disposable, and it’s not great for community, and it’s not great for individuals. We all just end up feeling alone. With all the possibilities for new relationships, it’s too easy to say “I’ll just find another one,” rather than really take time to appreciate the person you have right in front of you… : (

    But here is a radical though to challenge your thinking about G-d: What if G-d itself is *not* perfect. G-d created the world – and humans, according to scripture – “in [His] image.” So if G-d was perfect, then we would be also. But we are not.

    How do we truly know the nature of G-d? We look at ourselves. And when we see ourselves, we see that we are not perfect. This allows us to have compassion for other beings that we see are not perfect. If we expect ourselves to be perfect (*ahem* guilty as charged) then we always fall short, and we lose our compassion. But if we can see G-d as not perfect, and forgive and accept G-d as He/She/It is, without judgment or expectation of perfection….hm. What do you think might happen then? How would the world be different if even G-D was not perfect???

    A pretty radical, thought, no? What do you think?

    And here is an addendum to the possibility: G-d is not perfect, AND G-d is (and we are) 100% completely and totally perfect in our imperfection.

    I don’t absolutely know the answer here, because what I believe is that no one can. But thinking this way helps me to feel more friendly toward G-d, and less afraid, and more acceptable as who and how I am.



  143.  #143ReceivingGirl on May 29, 2012 at 9:19 am

    @24 Sallythatgirl

    Yes, I’ve thought about it. I actually don’t know if he’s been dating, but I’m assuming so since he’s on POF and gave out roses. I don’t know for how long.

    He has been hanging out with his guy friends a ton and I do think he’s been getting back in touch with himself. He’s a very deep, introspective guy.

    14 years of marriage is a long time. He said he went through a grieving stage and now he’s in a happy stage.

    I feel he’s looking for a relationship. It’s one of those things that is so hard to know what is good, ya know?

    I would like to hear more about the situation, but ultimately, I’m going to put trust in him that he knows what it is he needs and what he is ready for.

    I feel he is very open with me. He gives me tons of details about things. I feel I am safe with him. We’ve only been speaking for a month, but I feel so comfortable and able to just be me.

    This is all new for me too. I’ve never experienced something like this before.

    All I can do is, like you said, keep on observing. I will have problems remaining firm about taking things slow. I feel he could just jump right in and never look back. However, until the divorce is final, I need to set the pace. That will be hard for me.



  144.  #144Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 9:22 am

    139 Aw Jenny I feel touched by how much you loved working with the cows and animals on the farm. I am sorry you hurt your hands…and I know this pain is real and true because I had extreme pain in my hands from years of waitressing and typing…and not until I stopped both did my hands get better. But it took a long time. I’m so sorry for your loss of your job that you love.
    Sending kramar ((hugs)) I am swedish too (but I live in USA) 🙂



  145.  #145Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Daria <3 sending love 2 u



  146.  #146Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Aw, Jenny – I feel sad to hear about your hands. : ( And I believe you. All that milking cows and repetitive movement could have hurt them A LOT. Other people can’t “see” pain. You are the only one who can feel it. And not only do I believe you, I want to massage them and make them feel better. Your hands need some *LOVE* girl! They worked so hard, and instead of getting love, you got a lot of people who disbelieved you and told you to do “something else.”

    That sounds so hard and difficult…

    But you can recover! The body has amazing abilities to heal. Your hands are not “ruined forever” and you can start taking care of them right now, and give them lots of love yourself. Give them kisses, put lotion on. Stretch them every day. Maybe go for a manicure. Or if you can’t do that, then put polish on yourself, but it’s so much nicer when you can relax and let someone else to the work for you while you receive. Love, love, love your hands.

    And while milking cows may not be the thing for you, maybe there is another way to work with animals. If you love them, what about working on a farm as a manager? What if your experience milking cows could be useful in another way? There are so many possibilities. Please don’t let yourself feel closed off to ALL possibilities just because this ONE possibility is no longer a viable option for you. It’s a lot like dating guys, in that way.

    You can do this! I know you can!

    (I should have been a cheerleader ; ) lol )



  147.  #147Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 9:30 am

    134 @ Tereana :
    Thank you, and you are soo right, I need to tell him.

    I’m way overthinking this right now: “How come I like him soo much after 3 dates?” “Is there something wrong with me?” (hmm and that sounded like NV)

    part of me just want to walk away, take the easy way, not rock the boat…hide my feelings.

    I’m aso in his head right now, worried he will think Iäm needy, crazy…argh – NO my diva say now;” I dont think he will think so, it might take him by suprice…and he will like you being honest. What he will say and do, think other than that – that is his buisness”

    I feel stupied, and a little angry at myself…and wierd: “why cant think be simple?”

    But I also see this as a oportunity to be toteely honest to myself…this is not about me playing tricks on him or me – this is life happening. And I do know from before, feelings cat be controlled noir foresee. All that matters here is my own feelings anf knowing.

    I cant kep dating him casualy – even if it just been 3 dates…and NO there aint nothing wrong with me taht feels that already.



  148.  #148Daria on May 29, 2012 at 9:33 am

    The us has a high infant mortality rate. At least compared to Cuba

    I don’t like living in western countries, I feel angry, oppressed and disconnected and often depressed.

    I can make my own needs and desires and live in nature – the new plan

    I’m still loved and love.



  149.  #149Femininewoman on May 29, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Brandylion after reading your post about the resistance you feel around giving up stuff and changing your routines I remember one of the first pieces of advice from Rori that struck a chord with me.

    “Choose relationship.”

    I was saying I wanted it but when I was really honest with myself I realized that for years I didn’t want it. I was quite happy just doing me after a bad breakup.



  150.  #150Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Daria not to argue but please keep in mind that in Cuba they don’t always report infant mortalities…it’s not reliable statistics in communist countries because it makes their “system” look bad.

    A large part of our infant mortality rate in the USA is due to the abuse of drugs mostly and yes it is a terrible atrocity and awful reflection of our culture.



  151.  #151Femininewoman on May 29, 2012 at 9:37 am

    RE 147 – Jenny I don’t think you are stupid. I think it is your body showing you how powerful you are. How powerfully you can turn on yourself when you want to.



  152.  #152April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Thank you (((CurvySiren))) (((Francesca))) (((Mel)))
    (((Emerson)))

    It feels sweet to be hugged



  153.  #153Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Aww thanks ladies, you makes my heart feel soft and smiling.

    Thanks and hugs to you all. Seding love and light.

    144 @Emerson

    Oh really 🙂 You too swedish. maybe you can help me with the translation headach.

    Wich swedish word is best for casual?



  154.  #154Daria on May 29, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Thanks for the love Emerson



  155.  #155Daria on May 29, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Jessie Jenny – sorry girls I keep getting your names switched 🙁

    Jessie – thank you… I feel guilty your loving comment to me wound up triggering me. I really Do appreciate your love, i felt loved. Thank you.



  156.  #156April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 9:55 am

    I did not share the full truth when Mel and Curvy Siren asked why I felt angry.

    Aswell as anger towards WM, I felt triggered to anger by Radlove in her post number 99

    Maybe she was playing. Okay then.

    But I took it as being subject to a heavy, unfounded and unpleasant judgement.
    It felt bad.
    I felt out of control.
    It made me think that others have the right to judge me in any truthful/untruthful way and that their statement is somehow ‘fact’.

    Do they have a right? I can’t stop them…
    I feel helpless and desperate when this happens.



  157.  #157Daria on May 29, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Emerson – Cuba is well known internationally for its excellent medical care and their doctors that work voluntarily internationally (in thousands) are really recognized and appreciated where politics don’t bias.

    I think a lot of infant mortality is due to medical practice and stress to the mother during labor as well.

    A lot of morbidity in the us period I think is due to medical practices that harm health.

    I plan on having a home birth.

    I think There are other non communist countries that have lowered their infant mortality to lower than us rates w help and training from Cuba.

    It’s easy to fall for the media hype – the truth is the us is the least ‘free’ physically with a million and a half people imprisoned.

    China, with a much huger population and a media reputation for oppression has a million inmates

    History has been propaganda for thousands of years

    One day I will get really good at speaking about this in a way that doesn’t shut me down or trigger other people to.

    It will be clear and breezy

    Sorry for now, I feel uncomfortable and inadequate… ‘under construction’



  158.  #158April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 9:58 am

    I live in a 200-year old building that was a former prison and courthouse.

    Judgement and Justice hang heavy in this place.



  159.  #159Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Hey all you Man Magnets!!!!!!!

    There’s a new post up!



  160.  #160Daria on May 29, 2012 at 10:01 am

    I feel guilty and morose

    All this blah blah this is how it is is my battle ala Margaret Lynch and I feel attached to it but don’t want to.

    I feel guilty.

    I don’t want to perpetuate battle I Want to heal it.

    But it feels so good and powerful to know and say these Thibgs… That shoe the battle… Negative pleasure

    (((Daria)))



  161.  #161Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 10:04 am

    So, speaking of sex – and multiple lovers – tehee! I have a bit of a dilemma. If it really is even a dilemma, which I’m not sure it is anymore…

    But I guess this is the first time that I’ve officially had multiple “lovers” that I wasn’t in exclusive committed relationships with (nor have I had multiples where I was, lol). There’s the Mountain Man guy, which is more recent.

    And there’s MM (which stands for something else), who started dating me about a year ago, but at that time, we didn’t sleep together. We did some stuff that felt good, but it wasn’t fully sex. Then he disappeared for a while. And now he’s resurfaced (right before my birthday : ) and wanted to sleep with me. I have no idea why or what changed. But I went with it, and I’m glad I did, because…dang, it felt good! okay? ; )

    Lol.

    Here’s the “dilemma”: MM feels good, smells, good, tastes good. Literally, everything about him is physically pleasing. His pacing, pressure, everything he does is JUST right. And it gets my body Soooo excited. And he’s done something so unexpected and so touching during sex, which is that he asked me how I was doing. Awww…I feel so soft and cared for and I like that. : )

    MM is very good looking. And he doesn’t talk much. But I get the sense that he is “more than just a pretty face.” He’s the guy who traded in his BMW for a Prius, after all….

    But at the same time, it’s just sex. He’s not offering to be my boyfriend or asking for any exclusivity. He always takes me on nice dates and pays, and shows up on time (which I Love). But there is no heart and soul to the interaction (that I can discern). It just feels really really good. And yum. And wow. And he thanks me. And I feel like one lucky girl. Yay!

    Mountain Man, on the other hand, is not perfect. Not looking like a model (not that that counts for everything). He feels good in some ways, but not in every possible way, like it is with MM. I guess I feel more safe with him emotionally. I feel like I can open up with him, like about my body hair, and it’s okay. I really like that feeling. I feel soft and squishy and bonded in a way, but not anxious. It’s nice.

    As of today, I’d say that I feel more “bonded” to my Mountain Man than to MM, even though I’ve known MM for longer, and I’ve slept with each guy the same amount. Not that I want to “do” anything about it. Heck, I feel busy enough taking care of myself! lol

    I guess both of these guys accept me the way I am, and like me the way I am. They are just different. How is it even possible to compare??

    It’s not like I am being forced to make a choice here. Neither of them has asked me for exclusivity, and I don’t know if either of them assumes it. We haven’t talked about it. I guess that’s one place to start. But first, it needs time. I don’t need to push anything. Whatever the right thing is to happen, will happen.

    Meanwhile there is still the super Mr. Nice Guy. I haven’t forgotten about him. Even though I am still not sure that he really appeals to me. He has a lot of good qualities, but I just literally don’t know if I could ever tolerate being around him 24/7 if it ever got to that. I might go crazy! lol



  162.  #162Daria on May 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I feel mad and shut down so I don’t rage put loud – vampire scream?

    I want to Believe in my brothers not help them

    Life is so hard but that’s not true.

    Life is easy.

    Life is harder for those who oppress and also for those who think they have it better than someone else

    Cuz they feel and stuff guilt and don’t wind up touching deeper.

    I feel sad for those people, but usually I go to battle and just judge them instead.

    They’re!! Actually the ones most in need of healing

    (((abusers)))

    (((oppressors)))

    (((people thinking they have it better do not only I’d there not better to hope for but there’s guilt and disconnect )))



  163.  #163Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Dang, what’s with the slew of new posts going up? Rori must be gettin’ busy on the blog! lol



  164.  #164Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

    April Rose,

    158 – Ewww, I would not be able to handle living in a building like that. I feel so grateful to live in a little cottage type house by the bay!



  165.  #165Daria on May 29, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Yah thinking I have it better – when I feel bad – actually feels hopeless and guilt making… Like theres nothing better coming and also ‘I’m bad’ for feeling bad.



  166.  #166Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Tereana

    163 – I think Rori just loooooves to write! LOL! She is awesome!



  167.  #167Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 10:24 am

    ..ok been doing some thinking about what answer to write to CDJims sms.

    He wrote:
    “Hi thanks for wanting to follow., I’m totelly sunborn now but it is so worth it. Then atleast I know what I’m going to do on a saturday now soon 😀 Hugs”

    What I’m thinking to send:

    “I feel smiling right now. I can imagain it feels painfull being sunburned. I feel thankfull I’m only feeling a litte sore here and there. Should feel nice to follow on a saturday now soon”

    Any input?



  168.  #168Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Tereana,

    161 – About MM, Rori has some feeling messages about exploring where he is at. I forget exactly, but it’s something like, “I feel so good with you, and I love making love with you! Sometimes I wonder how you see us, or where you see us, say, in a year from now?

    I know I don’t have the wording right. I have a whole file of things I saved from the blog and I misplaced it.

    My method is to gently tell him I don’t want to have sex for a while, that I am just in a phase where I am seeing what is what in myself, or whatever feels genuine for you to say. I find when sex is not involved, it shows the relationship for what is really there, if it is solid or not.

    What do you think/feel?



  169.  #169Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:38 am

    April Rose,

    156 – I love thugs too. Most of the men I have ever loved were thugs. I was not joking about the man who was laughing on the phone about murdering someone. It was a wake up call to me.

    That same night I allowed him to inject me with drugs. This is something I rarely share, and I feel really vulnerable saying this. It is what K told me later was a “sucker shot”. He gave me too much, and it could have given me a heart attack. I was breathing heavily all night and my heart was racing. I feel scared and panicky thinking about it, what could have happened. After that I got real serious about what my patterns were.

    April Rose, no, I do not judge thugs. You are talking to the Queen of Thug Lovers here! My first boyfriend was just starting a ten year sentence, and I dated 3 other men in prison, and several others who had been in prison in the recent past. I married the last one, who was K. I have written to and visited and talked on the phone with men in prison for 22 years. I worked for about 6 months with youth labeled as emotionally disturbed, conduct disorder; and some labeled as drug and alcohol addicts.

    I love thugs, believe me, and I have 22 years and lots of heart wounds to prove it! It is a new skill for me to seek out the “nice” men, who own their own homes; work steady jobs; and know how to treat a lady. I still feel in the dark as to why you are drawn to thugs.

    (((Thugs))) (((April Rose)))



  170.  #170Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:41 am

    April Rose,

    Shortly after he drugged me up, he said, “I own you now, and you can’t get this from anyone but me.” The next morning, as i was coming down and felt horrible, he pressured me to take some more “to feel level.”

    I felt like I was on the edge of a precipice, realizing I could so easily become addicted and ruin my life. I suffered through the yucky day and it scared the crap out of me. I never saw him again, thank God.

    There was one time tho when I heard a group of teenagers in a Denny’s bragging about all the mafia people they know. I said I know someone in the mafia! They said, “Who?”

    I said his name, and they all looked scared and got quiet.



  171.  #171Starla on May 29, 2012 at 10:46 am

    there’s a big scary company meeting that just got called. the whispers are saying lay offs! lol we’ll see how it goes. I feel sick to my tummy.



  172.  #172Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Tereana,

    142 – I believe God sees us as we will be, not as we are. And that we were created perfect, and imperfection didn’t come until Adam and Eve did the one thing God said not to do. So it wasn’t God’s fault. Beyond this, if you would like to discuss it off the blog, since it’s not about relationships, I welcome you to email me at brendaearthlink@yahoo.com.



  173.  #173Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I welcome anyone to assist me in processing my CD approach here. I have a new CD I will call Nascar. If I understand correctly, he races in Nascar. Dover, Delaware is halfway between where we live, and he is inviting me to come this Friday or Saturday.

    a) I will have to meet him halfway. Is something this cool an acceptable reason to not give him a feeling message about meeting me in my area for at least the first time?

    Is this a good feeling message?

    I feel excited about watching you at Nascar! I wonder if you will be racing? Normally I feel more comfortable if a man comes to my town, at least for the first time. I would feel okay about meeting you there.

    Or:

    I feel excited to think about you racing in Nascar! I hope I understood that correctly…did I? I would love to go, but I would feel more comfortable if you met me in my town, at least for the first time.

    b) The tickets are $55. Do I give a feeling message now about him paying or do I wait until I arrive? This is really a stressful one for me. I feel way out of my comfort zone letting a man pay, and I want it to be in my comfort zone.

    Do I wait until the subject comes up? Do I assume he will pay?



  174.  #174Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 11:02 am

    157 Daria I don’t mind talking about this stuff with you. It’s ok to have healthy conversations and I can learn from it. I think you are intelligent and well spoken and I respect your opinions. The beauty of America is that we are free to come and go. In communist countries, that is not the case. The people are controlled.



  175.  #175Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Radlove – about the paying thing; be preperad to pay, like stand there with your wallet ready…most time they just say: “No I pay for this”

    Then you smile and say “Thank you”

    Baby steps..soon you stop take up your wallet 😛



  176.  #176Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Jenny,

    I believe what Rori says, that a woman should not have to pay on a date. She gives feeling messages like, “It doesn’t feel romantic to share the cost of dates,” but I just didn’t know at what point to approach it. On the new thread, Emerson said I should be sure he is paying before I drive the distance.

    so here is where I’m at…I just emailed him back, and I said, “Oh, I feel excited and open to meet you in person! It would feel best to meet close to my home area, at least for the first time. What do you think?

    I wonder if I understand correctly you are going to be racing yourself?”

    My thought is I WOULD like to go…but I remember Rori said in Commitment Blueprint that it isn’t about the event…it is about the relationship. So I will leave it up to Nascar to arrange to drive up two hours to meet me BEFORE the event…if he thinks I am important enough. If not? His loss!

    Why? Because I am a Siren, and I am a Man Magnet, and men come to ME. I don’t have to do anything!

    I am getting it! Yes, the thug lover who has driven and flown up to a thousand miles to see a man in prison is now waiting for Nascar drivers to come to her!



  177.  #177Susan on May 29, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Radlove:

    I used to be a thug lover. My first husband was one. I thought I left that behind with husband# 2, but he was just a different kind of thug. And I am pretty sure he did kill someone when he was younger.

    I have finally broken the thug habit. Thank you, Rori.



  178.  #178Brandylion on May 29, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    I feel afraid I don’t deserve it all. I feel afraid I don’t deserve something I haven’t worked for, but so many people reminded me today that I shouldn’t have to work hard to make the right relationship work–the right relationship will just click and I won’t have to *do* anything.

    My NVs had a heyday with me today. It’s been weeks since I cried this hard. It is astounding what a difference context makes. I didn’t hear from my NVs while running a marathon because I felt powerful and in control; I was *doing*. I hear from my NVs frequently while trying to date men because I feel powerless; I am trying just to *be*.

    A good friend I had dinner with tonight said it sounds like PriestCD is dating this new girl out of convenience, like she’s here in my life already and we have some stuff in common, so why not date her? He sounded so happy about her when I talked to him last night.

    I feel crushed by disappointment. I spent all of my 20s denying to myself that I wanted to be married and to have a family so that I wouldn’t feel disappointed if it didn’t happen, and I firmly believed that it would not happen. Now that I’ve finally in the last two years admitted I want it and I’ve had a little taste of it, being in a relationship again, I’m still ending up feeling disappointed.

    So the guy who creeped me out Saturday night texted me that night that he would assume from here on out that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I did not reply. He texted yesterday and called tonight. I did not reply to the text, and I did not answer the phone. Part of me wants to text him and I say that I feel uncomfortable continuing contact with him, but part of me thinks any contact back will look like a positive sign to him.



  179.  #179Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 4:10 am

    Ah, there it is–I feel humiliated, all over again. *That’s* what’s so upsetting about PriestCD having completely moved on. It’s not about him no longer being available to me (he wasn’t anyway, by his choice–*he* dumped me!). It’s because it’s happened so quickly. It’s reminding me of the fact that I was so much more emotionally invested than he was, and I feel again the humiliation of (1) being told by the man I’m seeing exclusively that he’s not sure he wants me at all, but doesn’t want to let me go, (2) learning that the man I love is not the real him, but the image of him I’ve constructed in the absence of critical information, and (3) choosing to stay with him while he sorts out what he wants instead of taking care of myself.

    It was in December that he revealed to me that he’d seriously considered joining the priesthood and still wasn’t sure he wasn’t going to, and that he wasn’t sure about our relationship. He waited so long to tell me because he was afraid it would end the relationship…and it would have if I’d had stronger boundaries and either dumped him right then and there or at least insisted on non-exclusivity, but I didn’t want to let him go either.

    I wasn’t worried at that point that I loved a man who didn’t love me yet, because even he said he saw the potential there. I also know that women tend to develop strong feelings more quickly than men do. But, boy, did it feel *awful* as time went on and his feelings didn’t grow and I tolerated more and more neglectful treatment as he grew more distant (like not planning visits and more sporadic phone calls–though he did do all the calling and still called 3x per week, just with less predicatability).



  180.  #180amy k schmidt on May 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

    ladies… i am pretty new on this site… but here is my question
    i want my ex back! havent seen him in 2plus weeks ( except when i was out on a date, yuk but good at same time!)
    is this a “feeling” message? i want to try to wait until friday to send
    ” it would make me happy to see you this weekend. i feel nervous and excited at the idea of flirting with you again, like i havent felt in months… what do you think?”

    let me know!! i need feedback. i killed “us” with words before.. so trying to keep short and positive. no drama.



  181.  #181Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Amy,

    Welcome! Most of us write on the newest thread. Rori encourages us to let the man initiate contact, to stay “leaned back.”

    But if you do send it, here is how I would tweak it:

    I would feel so happy to see you this weekend. What do you think?

    If he is your ex and hasn’t seen you for 2 weeks, I think it would be a little much to put that sentence in about feeling nervous and excited at the idea of flirting.



  182.  #182amy k schmidt on May 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    thank you Radlove! ummm… is this the newest email thread? geez there is a lot going on with this site !:)



  183.  #183Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 2:19 pm


  184.  #184sunshine on May 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    met match.com guy today, he has my little brother’s name and my parents birthday ( my mom and dad have same bday ). I had a great time and feel so comfortable with him hes such a sweetie. I will keep giving him a chance but I do feel worried about one thing- I dont feel too much romantic attraction as i do friend but I feel hopeful that it will develop..I feel a bit guilty about continuing to talk to other guys however will continue until exclusivity



  185.  #185Terri on June 2, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Oh my!! I just got back from a date (no, not with my guy that is not stepping up right now, but a different guy who treats me WELL and I can practice with) from seeing the movie “Dark Shadows.” THAT movie is NEEDINESS in the RAW. It is quite exaggerated, but I can imagine after listening to your programs and how the witch demanded love from Johnnie Depp (well, who wouldn’t want love from him…but…) it just reinforced how a man feels when women do the chasing. GOOD movie to reinforce the neediness/the chase/trying to get a man to love you. It truly HAS to be his own doing. One of these days I am sure i will meet one that I am attracted to enough who will be my giver and one that will truly WANT me on HIS own. Thanks, Rori for sharing your struggles and helping us (me) to become more attractive to men (although I was never short of dates, I know now that I did WAY too much when I really liked a guy)!

    Terri



  186.  #186Rori Raye on June 2, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Terri, I deleted your last name for your privacy – and thank you for the movie tip! Love, Rori



  187.  #187#feelingJinxed on June 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Hello Fellow Sirens,
    This is my first time posting on here so pls be patient with me.

    I have a problem I need help with, I had been CD’ing for almost a year then i met this guy online, we talked for about 3 weeks before we had an official date. He was responding so well to the FM’s, after 2 months (3 wks texting and email & 5 weeks dating) he had a fire in his home and was left homeless. I made the mistake of offering him a place to stay for 2 weeks. He took me up on my offer, moved in with what little possessions he had left, then after 1 week he took a job that had him across state lines for an additional 2 weeks, when he came back he started staying with me full time, it felt so good to have someone with me full time that I forgot all about me and being a girl and keeping the focus on me. Initially it was going well, I continued to use my FM’s and he seemed to continue to respond, We have officially be together now Since Feb 24th and things seem to be moving backwards.

    My FM’s don’t seem to be working, I need help scripting so I can put what I’m feeling into words. I feel like We’re losing everything we built in the last 4 months and I’m beginning to feel like he’s lost interest. I think i’m reverting to my old ways before RR.

    I want to acknowledge that we have issues using FM’s and see if we can turn it around but I’m now sure what to say or if I should even ask him. I’ve said things like “I feel unhappy” and “I feel confused”. Please help, i’m feeling so sad and despondent.

    Thanks
    #feelingJinxed



  188.  #188Rori Raye on June 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    feeling jinxed – this is about very specific things – and very GENERAL things – like your WHOLE vibe. If you’re giving off “unhappy” vibes – that isn’t going to work for you…you need to get HAPPY – regardless of him, so you can radiate love and acceptance and safety and fun out to him, and stop trying to have “talks” with him about the relationship. If you already have my book and Modern Siren and Reconnect Your Relationship – really, really go back to those and work with them. Then – try my Love Forever Teleclass Membership – the stuff in the first 2 out of 7 recordings alone will change everything for you – if you’re willing to do the work. It’s a kind of a “coaching” program – so it all depends on your willingness to “practice.”



  189.  #189Michelle on July 5, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Hi, I’m new here and new to Rori Raye. i’ve read one of your ebooks, but so far don’t know how to put it into practice. It seems so easy, but then i run into problems with my boyfriend and it all gets messed up.
    My boyfriend is really a wonderful man in every aspect, he’s VERY laid back, very quiet, doesn’t talk much in general, much less about how he feels. and that’s where our problem lies. We have been dating a little over a year now and living together for about 10 months, and i can honestly say Im in love with him. I love him very much. I’ve told him this on several occasions, so he knows how i feel. When i try to ask him how he feels, he pulls away/dances around the question, and the other night, he flat out said “i DONT want to talk about it.” He grumbles sometimes when I say i love you. And HERE is my confusion: the man SHOWS me he loves me. he’ll buy me stuff that i need for around the house, he ALWAYS pays for EVERYTHING when we go out somewhere, he refers to his stuff (the house, the camper trailer, etc etc) as OURS (when it really is HIS), he discusses things with me. stuff like that. which is GREAT. but, why can’t he just say “i love you” one time? Why is he so uncomfortable with talking/saying anything about it? Does he really NOT love me? am i reading him all wrong? am i being too pushy? is he just not ready to say it? I’m sorry for all the questions, but I really need help here. I have no idea what to say or do and IF i were to leave he would just shrug his shoulders and say “okay”. not that i want to, but you can see my frustration.



  190.  #190Rori Raye on July 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Michelle – This is for you to decide. If you can live with a man who is not verbal about his love, but shows it to you constantly – then – Hey – it sounds like a FINE deal! Just stop trying to get it out of him! Dominique is really good with this: http://www.sexandheart.com.

    Sometimes, the less you want from him about some things that are not necessarily “dealbreakers” – the MORE he wants to give you! Love, Rori