You Can’t Do The Wrong Thing With The Right Man

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gained weightOMG – This is so great!

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 7:23 am

  2.  #2Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 7:30 am

    didn’t click the link. looked suspicious. is this for real?

  3.  #3Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 7:32 am

    What a hilarious story. That laugh really felt good.

  4.  #4Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 7:48 am

    I feel peaceful. Like I don’t care what happens, and it feels empowering.

    I feel a shift. I’m changing and I feel like the men in my life are changing. A lot of the “old men” from when I first started my little transformation process really feel icky and pathedic to me now.

    That doesn’t necessarily mean that they are icky and pathedic in and of themselves, I’m just leaving them behind, and hoping the best for them, that they’ll continue to grow and find women (who aren’t me!) who will help them shift and grow.

    It feels really, really good leaving them behind. I feel bored and over at least three of them.

    I still feel unsure about Mr. Stares-me-down. I saw him out yesterday, and he turned around and looked at me, and I couldn’t believe how easy it was to lean back and *genuinely* smile big.

    When I did that, his body language changed. It was like his body expanded and he shifted and turned around to where he was ALMOST facing me. (we were both talking to different groups of people)

    but then he got done talking and I felt like he was waiting for me to go over there. (eww) I wasn’t done talking yet, and I sensed that he got really frustrated? or something and gave up and walked off.

    It made me feel a little guilty, but a little amused too for some reason. 🙂

    We were the closest physically we had been since our little introductory chat.

    I finally got a good look at him. I can’t believe how gorgeous he is! He’s really tall and has nice arms.

    just another guy.

    I’m so over scared little boys!

  5.  #5Tam on September 24, 2012 at 8:20 am

    ooooooh that was just so funny, I laughed so hard…oooh, and I pray this NEVER happens to me.
    I only had a little cringe story, and I told it here before because it was really hilarious. When I was at MrP’s house and the toilet did not flush (because he had just cleaned it enthusiastically when I informed him I needed to go, for my pee to be received in a fitting receptacle, I guess).
    So I waited, and waited and pressed the lever…in the end I was like a woman possessed. Nothing. So I came out of the bathroom (bearing in mind this was our first date after we had kind of lost contact for a long time, and one of my first dates with him anyway, prob number 4 – I was very nervous).
    I felt very small. I said: ermmm…sorry MrP but I can’t flush the toilet, and I feel embarrassed now.
    He laughs, stomps to the bathroom – first thing he does is open the toilet lid (I cringe at this point and say: nooooooooooo, don’t!!!!) and he drops it again and says: ‘what’s the big deal, it’s only a number 1, and besides, we just have to wait a couple of minutes and it will flush’.
    OMG I could have killed him. Major cringey moment…and it happened next time I was at his house – same thing, exactly the same thing.
    So now I have a key to the flat next door and my own toilet. Yes, I know, it is hilarious, but true….

  6.  #6Tam on September 24, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Feeling super smiley now after reading that has been a giggly kinda day. Yay! No man in sight..maybe that’s the trick, ha!! 🙂

  7.  #7CurvySiren10 on September 24, 2012 at 8:27 am

    That was hilarious, well-written and probably something we all can relate to …at least partially! lol GREAT example of how you “can’t do the wrong thing with the right man”…LOL!!

  8.  #8Heart on September 24, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Wow….That was So Funny. I cried…Wow. I had to stop myself from reading a couple of times…Unbearably Funny.
    I feel amazing.

  9.  #9Daria on September 24, 2012 at 8:44 am

    hey ! i get it… my wrestle with the word ‘humble ‘ is over

    its like down to earth? ok better but

    actually that means

    non judgemental !!! yayayyayayayayyayaa


    for me



    ew thought of the fart article

  10.  #10Heart on September 24, 2012 at 8:50 am

    but yes Daria it was Gross too.

  11.  #11Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Hey You,

    When you woke up this morning, how did you feel?

    Did you feel good about yourself?

    Did you feel sexy?

    Did you feel strong and powerful?

    When you put on your clothes, did you feel hot, sexy, and confident?

    Or are you not feeling sexy because you don’t like the outfit you’re wearing.

    Or you don’t feel confident because your shoes aren’t exactly you favorites.

    Or maybe this is it: you don’t feel good because your insides are not full of love for yourself.

    I know when I dress like shit it’s because I don’t feel good on the inside. My inward expression became my outward expression.

    When I wake up in the morning and I feel great, my clothes match my attitude. I always reach for my favorite things: my favorite jeans, my favorite shirt, my favorite pair shoes.

    But I know when I don’t feel good on the inside, I don’t shower in the mor ning,I walk around in a t-shirt, my hair is usually standing up like a wolfman, and a pair of shorts that I probably don’t even like.

    When you don’t feel good on the inside, your outside will show it too.

    But more importantly, you’re not going to attract anybody. There’s no way you can attract a great man when you do not love yourself inside and out.

    As humans, we smell each other out. Our subconscious minds are communicating even when we’re not.

    So you’ve got to start from the inside every single day and fall in love with yourself more and more every day, so that way you’ll be able to attract and meet the love that you desire, want, and deserve.

    See you soon,

    David Wygant

  12.  #12MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Something wonderful is happening woth G!

    First…Big thanks to dominique for posting the link to her blog post about a man healing through your heart. I took it to heart and very seriously.

    I have to say WOW!

    The past few days have been like magic! It started with him just tossing me $20 for no real apparent reason and saying “Here! dunno what it’s for but i’m sure it’ll come in handy!” 🙂 Then…He has said “I love you” several times a day all weekend long. He is showering me with touch and affection. He SANG to me on saturday twice. Making up his own words to existing songs “I was made for lovin you rachie, you were made for lovin me….” hehehe Oh that felt so sweet and wonderful! 🙂 There’s more, but the rest is all vibe and hard to describe.

    It’s just a huge shift for us both and I feel great!

  13.  #13Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 9:27 am

    oh man, feeling triggered. just remembered this time when Big H (short for big heartache) looked at me at an “off moment” when I was feeling disconnected from him and started singing “we used to be in love…” and I said, “should I know that song?” and he was just like “…uh, I don’t know…”

    man, I miss his voice! It’s okay. I’m healed. I’ll find somebody else with a nice deep voice. 🙂

  14.  #14Heart on September 24, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Miss Stix – can u repost the link to the blog? I feel curious but to lazy search for it.

  15.  #15Heart on September 24, 2012 at 9:30 am

    ps – sounds great Miss Stix

  16.  #16Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 9:33 am

    oooh… MissStix, yeah!!!

    M was singing to me last week too, first he just started singing, then he said it was all about me ‘do you know how beautiful you are’ that was in the lyrics and he said that songs makes him think of me 🙂

  17.  #17Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Would this really turn off any man? Men are naturally gross. 🙂

  18.  #18Tam on September 24, 2012 at 9:36 am

    17 Goddess..too funny. But also right. It is a man’s prerogative to have the monopoly on farting in the relationship.
    I like it how for a few months they pretend that they don’t do it..but then when the first one has sneaked out it’s like a licence to carry on. Pfff.
    I have been told that men just have a lot more air in them. Not sure if that is ‘hot air’ but I suspect so 😉

  19.  #19Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 9:37 am

    This is the song:

    He was singing to me and about me 🙂

    I feel like I am sharing a really big secret here with my Sister Sirens.

  20.  #20Tam on September 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Someone just contacted me on okCupid saying ‘looks like you are very nice and honest’

    Yikes, sounds like I am a sleeping tablet. 😉

  21.  #21Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 9:39 am

    oh… feeling blue. Just looked up the lyrics and they are also sad…

  22.  #22Tam on September 24, 2012 at 9:41 am

    SA, read the story if you haven’t yet. It’s impossible to feel blue while reading that. 🙂

  23.  #23Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 9:45 am


    I just did. That is sooo funny!!! Ha ha ha! Way to go life saving rack… and that is instant intimacy!

  24.  #24Radlove on September 24, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Siren Angel,

    19 – Thanks for sharing! Beautiful song!

  25.  #25Heart on September 24, 2012 at 9:57 am

    I want ice-cream…

  26.  #26Dominique on September 24, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Heart –

    You are so welcome MissStix.


  27.  #27Emoticon on September 24, 2012 at 10:23 am

    LOL read this one before, it was tooooo funny

  28.  #28Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 10:24 am


    I got this letter from Allana Pratt yesterday and loved it so much, I wanted you to see it.

    Note from Rori: Normally we don’t normally allow a direct copy/paste without attribution and a link, but since we know Allana and this is a great piece, we got permission from her and added a link to the end so you can check out her site.

    I Thought It Was Him But it Was Me – by Allana Pratt

    OK. I’m dating this new man. I was feeling very crunchy, pissed off by his lack of being impeccably present, grounded or thinking positively. Grrrrr….

    I was going through my normal reasoning of why this one won’t work either. I was NOT doing my feminine practices, not feeling my feelings, not telling the truth with kindness and honesty… I was pushing him away and being a bitch, CONVINCED it was him.

    Then, bless him, he suggested we go for a vigorous hike to get the juices flowing, energy moving. I could feel the anger in me welling up, all prickly from the inside out, wanting to SCREAM!

    We got back to my place and began to talk. I could feel under the anger was a huge welling up of tears and I took a breath and decided to show him my fears. I told him to please only say ‘Thank you’ to everything I said, just hear me please.

    Then I sobbed and sobbed about how scared I was to let a man support me, hold me, care for me, protect me, be there for me, let me rest and finally truly completely exhale. I shared that I was so terrified to open and risk being let down, risk being taken advantage of, risk being used or abandoned.

    All this sorrow from my childhood came up and I could see that all my exhaustion has come from keeping it together and doing it all myself. This wasn’t just with men, this was with God. I was even afraid that God would ultimately forget about me.

    What was beautiful was that he just GOT me. He followed my request to just say thank you.

    When I was ready I let him hold me. It was not him. It was me. The sweet little scared girl inside me was trying to protect me from getting hurt. By honoring her fears, feeling those fears, sharing those fears, the little girl felt heard and validated and now the big Allana could see clearly from a place of deep wisdom and gentle strength.

    Then I made us an egg breakfast bagel for dinner, and now he’s taking me to Willie Nelson tomorrow. (I know, don’t tell anyone. I love country).

    Thank you for listening to my journey. I want you to know that while I’m a kick ass coach, I am humbled by my humanity and hope my experiences can expand you and kiss the place inside where you are scared.

    From my heart to yours,

    Be Sexy. Be Whole. Be YOU.

    Deliciously yours,

    Allana –

  29.  #29Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 10:24 am

    When he texted me yesterday- ‘Prefer to meet in the evening’ I replied ‘agreed’. Could he get offended by it? Like I don’t want him at my party? It’s a cultural thing, I don’t feel it

  30.  #30Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 10:26 am

    @ Heart – your new gravatar makes me feel sad. why a broken heart? why not a big, beautiful, glowing, healing heart? (((Heart)))

  31.  #31Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Can I ask what SA and MissStix think?

  32.  #32new siren on September 24, 2012 at 10:29 am


    How could that offend him? You are over thinking…I think he is more of a friend not a boyfriend at all by his actions.

    It shouldnt be that hard to make plans with someone you have been seeing for 8 months. Like if he wanted to see you he would pick up the phone hi hun, I will pick you up at 8. Done.

    That is how I see it.

  33.  #33Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 10:45 am


    I feel very concerned and sort of in disbelief at how you rethink everything in your head so many times. It is just a text. Yes, it could have been a little warmer, but I really don’t think your ‘agreed’ will make a difference at this point.

    I would ask myself if I am really doing all this dating, and the wondering about if he will see you tonight and about sharing what you did last night by text, for you or for an agenda. Agendas feel kind of yuck. I believe you need to do some self reflection here.

  34.  #34Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I feel sick of giving it silent treatment. Maybe I should say what I really think for once? To text: I didn’t like to wait and be notified late. Hope you are feeling better today

  35.  #35Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 10:47 am


    I believe you are more attached to the ‘8 months of a relationship that could have been leading to such and such’ than to him at all.

  36.  #36Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 10:47 am


    Aw, I feel sad and frustrated when I read you constantly questioning every extreme tiny element of your involvement with Smartcd.

    I have read your quick positive, rori-like answers to other siren’s questions…I wonder if there is any way to take any of that in for yourself.

    The topic of this post seems perfect for your situation if you can take it in…”you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man….”

    Aw, do some things that really feel good to you that perhaps having nothing to do with any men. What do you like? And, just get busy doing them and when you hear those negative sounding questions just brush them aside and get back to what you are doing…

    You can so do what you tell others to do!

  37.  #37Heart on September 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Iamabutterfly – it’s a heart cake….I pretend the missibg piece iw in my tummy 🙂 It’s not meant to be sad….Do u feel sad Iamabutterfly? Well if u do – Have some cake! Sorry I feel zany right now …I’ll be changing it soon.

  38.  #38Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 10:50 am


    If you must absolutely text and get some clarity for your sanity, I would text this:

    ‘There is something that has been on my mind. I would feel better if I could share it with you. Can we talk tonight?’ You can even add some times you are free to talk.

    Do realize this is leaning forward big time. I don’t think SmartCD (I would call him FlingCD) deserves it right now. But if you must. By all means please at least Rockstar it. Do not mention the dates, it would just be spewing green jealousy yuck revenge blurb.

  39.  #39Heart on September 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

    #26 Dominique – exploring it now…

  40.  #40Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 10:51 am


    If your life was full of things that made you feel alive…you would barely even notice this smartcd who is giving you so very little…

    What do you love????

    Art? Mani/pedi’s? Swimming? Dancing? International movies? Learning languages? Walking in the sunshine? Reading novels or autobiographies or self-help? And, get busy on you! Your vibe will change big time and you will most likely attract many men…Smartcd who???

  41.  #41Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 10:52 am


    I feel for you, I really do. I know this sucks and it hurts. I am trying to be supportive and I feel compassion for your situation and I apologize . if I sound harsh, it is not my intention. I feel like shaking you up a bit. Sorry.

  42.  #42Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

    I feel scared I am doing it wrong, playing a game or something and not doing the right thing. I don’t know what the right thing is. I can at least express that I was unhappy about last night?

  43.  #43Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Can we talk tonight?

    Many men will run for the hills when they get this question. With his track record thus far I would assume that would be his reaction. That would make the self-esteem drop even further. Then again I might be wrong. I feel if left alone, he will get back in touch pretty soon.

    Memulo it is beyond sad, watching your process. I have to admit.

  44.  #44Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I agree with FW… maybe drop the ‘can we talk tonight?’

    Also, he might be figuring out on his own, like a man, what he really wants from you, if anything, or everything. If you disturb this process, it may backfire.

    Up to you.

  45.  #45Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Why can’t I say I feel bad about last night? Oh I can’t do anything right anymore. My thoughts are spinning. Of course I am not going to mention dates, this was just a crazy angry thought. Why can’t I just say I felt bad to be stood up last night?

  46.  #46Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 10:59 am


    A successful relationship must have at least 20 positive interactions for every bad interaction.

    At this point, I would leave it alone. Best it be him that initiates if you want a positive reaction, or at least for him to hear anything you say.

  47.  #47Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

    A really bad relationship only has 5 positive interactions for every bad one.

    You do the math.

  48.  #48Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Why can’t I just say I felt bad to be stood up last night?

    You can. Then what?

  49.  #49Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I see a crack of light coming through ” Of course I am not going to mention dates, this was just a crazy angry thought.” Yes, Memulo, continue on that path. Feel it, sink it, process it, grow.

  50.  #50Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

    He can be fed up with my silence also, don’t you think? When he wrote ‘hello?’ on Sat night this is what he implied.

  51.  #51Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

    For all you know he could be assuming that you had such a fun time at the party you did not miss him.

  52.  #52Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 11:06 am


    What if you didnt mention seeing the profile at all? What do you think of that? How does the thought of this make you feel? Who do you need to trust? Why?

  53.  #53Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Hello is hello.

    No implication of anything. It seems you are determined to self destruct.

    Where is Starla.

  54.  #54Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 11:07 am


    You can’t know what he thinks, because you are not in his head, you are not him. You are YOU. This is wasted energy and time.

  55.  #55Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 11:08 am


    I believe this man is going through a process for himself right now and instead of going through YOUR process for YOU, you are trying to figure HIS out, when you should figure YOU out. For ANYONE to want to be with you.


  56.  #56Tam on September 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Memulo, are you actually reading our responses to your painful journey?
    Because you are repeating this pattern ad infinitum. Where and when does the learning process start?
    I would focus on trying to find out what needs to be healed inside of you, because I fear that there is some issue (and I can say this because it reminds me of me and my issues and I have plenty, possibly much more so than you).
    It really has nothing at all to do with the man anymore, you are obsessively obsessing and I agree with FW, it is excrutiating to watch actually.
    Please, look after yourself, you really need to start to look after yourself and make yourself your number 1 priority. You deserve to be your priority and you need to be your priority in order to become a man’s priority. If you don’t respect yourself, how can he?
    By being constantly in his head and questioning yourself, you show yourself zero respect and care. I feel sad to see this.
    Sending you lots of love. I feel frustrated 🙁

  57.  #57Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 11:14 am

    @36 Heart – aw, now that I understand it, it feels happy, fresh, yummy, and fun. I don’t feel sad, yay. 🙂 I feel…giggly.

  58.  #58Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 11:16 am


    It would feel so good to read about you processing what is going on inside of YOU, instead of what he’s now thinking or doing.

  59.  #59Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

    I could call tonight and ask how he feels and how today turned out, he was supposed to have a tough day

  60.  #60Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Love Note of the Week:

    The common denominator in all your relationships is YOU!

    “Knowing that we hold the common thread means that when we have a shift, a growth spurt, our relationships will in turn have a shift and evolve. As we grow and elevate along our path, we will attract a partner at a new level. This is a gift of deep understanding as this knowledge empowers us to make the necessary changes that allow us to create what we desire. If you do not like what your results have been in relationship, look no further than the mirror to discover the cause…and the solution.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  61.  #61Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Love Note of the Week:

    The common denominator in all your relationships is YOU!

    “Knowing that we hold the common thread means that when we have a shift, a growth spurt, our relationships will in turn have a shift and evolve. As we grow and elevate along our path, we will attract a partner at a new level. This is a gift of deep understanding as this knowledge empowers us to make the necessary changes that allow us to create what we desire. If you do not like what your results have been in relationship, look no further than the mirror to discover the cause…and the solution.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  62.  #62Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 11:20 am

    A human response to ‘I’m sick’ is to ask how he is feeling today, no?

    I am reading, I just can’t decide anything and have a new fear every few minutes. I feel that I am not doing the right thing and I don’t know ehat that is

  63.  #63Tam on September 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

    I give up.

  64.  #64Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

    I have attracted a partner at a new level! Yeah!

    I had a wonderfully romantic date on saturday night with BB. Just started emailing with him on Monday last week…Spoke on Friday and a lovely date on Saturday night at a romantic italian restaurant!

    And, I was so authentic..sharing myself and my feelings and asking for what I wanted. I felt a bit high maintenance for needing to adjust the time by half an hour….after he had made reservations…

    Aw, I felt so taken care of! And, he told me he would so rather know what makes me happy then to find out later that I was not happy! And, he so picked up on my using the feeling word in emails…He is truly interested in how I am feeling now! So very sweet!

    I feel all warm and fuzzy…so different from how I have felt in times past with an anxiety and worry and extreme ups and downs..this feels more like a steady warm and cozy feeling.

    Aw, BB! 🙂

  65.  #65Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

    At the moment I want to express my gratitude to Rori and all of you who have and do share here!

    It is reading everyone’s stories and triggers and triumphs that has helped me to evolve!


  66.  #66Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 11:27 am

    @61 Memulo – Stop. Breathe in and and out. Notice any sensations in your body. How do you feel? Do you feel scared? Do you feel tense? How does your chest feel? How does your heart feel? How do your arms and hands and head feel?

    What emotions are there?


    I haven’t been keeping up with your situation, but I can feel Sirens’ frustration with you, because you are in masculine energy right now, which isn’t helping you.

    If you can GET OUT of your head THINKING about HIM, and INTO your body FEELING YOU, your whole vibe will totally shift.

    YOU will STOP worrying about HIM, and FEEL YOURSELF. and it might feel scary, sad, angry, tense, whatever, but once you allow yourself to FEEL, you’ll FEEL BETTER and STOP WORRYING.

    then, he might even reach out to YOU!

    but YOU won’t get the results YOU want by focusing on HIM.

    I understand, girl. I’ve been there.


  67.  #67Laughing Goddess on September 24, 2012 at 11:28 am


    I think at this point I would recommend just following your gut and doing/saying whatever feels best to you.

    This constant worrying and second guessing is way more destructive than anything you could possibly say to him.

    Just do what you want to do and see what happens and then adjust from there.

    Be a rockstar instead of a worrying old nanny.

  68.  #68Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Why is it a bad idea to write that I felt upset he didn’t tell me earlier and hope he feels better today?

  69.  #69MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 11:29 am


    Take a breath! Whewf! It’s all too much eh?

    I’d rather not get into analyzing tiny details, but it looks to me like he is checked out. This text “I’m sick.” is just so short and frank and it’s simply not enough. A text like this from a man would just pi$$ me off too. It would also tell me something. It would tell me he is not putting enough effort into me. Not enough effort to deserve my attention. He did not even make enough effort to give you a possible time to meet or even make a plan!

    And it feels bad. It feels annoying, frustrating, infuriating even! Do you agree? It’s just not enough. This is the conclusion…

    So…What do you do now?

    Give up. I’m serious! Give it up. No more analyzing. No more worrying about the details. Sink in and feel how it all makes you feel. But do not analyze or worry. Just feel. Just be. Turn your focus around onto you (like other sirens are damn near begging you to do :p). Date, if it feels good. But for no other reason than it feels good. You do not need to tell him. He has not offered you a commitment, so there is no need to tell him.

    Do not contact him until he contacts you. (he WILL contact you at some point) then when he does you get to be all “It feels so good to hear from you, but wow I have been busy and living and happy and feeling free etc etc!” and when he wonders what you’re doing you be honest “I’ve been hanging out with friends, dating, taking care of me etc etc” whatever else. And you allow him to react and you recieve and respond!

    And if he wants to know why you’re dating, you be honest “well I have been feeling frustrated waiting for you to come around and it felt really good to get out and date.”

    Go with the flow. Focus on you. Recieve, respond, be honest, and just love yourself through it all.

  70.  #70Rebecca on September 24, 2012 at 11:29 am


    Do you know how to sink into your feelings & just experience them?

    It’s not about ‘doing’ anything. You are supposed to be a siren, you are supposed to be leaning back & not over-functioning.

    It feels sad to read that you are putting so much energy into this guy if he is making you feel humiliated, etc..

    Does that make sense? Tell me if I am barking up the wrong tree…

  71.  #71Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 11:29 am


    In your past, has you previously felt anxiety and worry in the first week with a guy?

  72.  #72Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Tam that is where I am too. One thing I see clearly from Memulo, Memulo is that you are adamant to go headlong down the slope you have chosen.

  73.  #73Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I don’t see any indication of being able to be “led”.

  74.  #74Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Also, I’m still cding! Taking my time…Breathing…Letting it sit..doing my thing…Dancing tonight…Ah yes this feels divine…

    If there is tons of anxiety and worry…something isn’t right and I would say from my experience it means one isn’t there completely for herself.

    I feel fun! I don’t need anyone for me to feel happy and fun. Just be in that place. Then the amazing thing is how others want to join you. It feels so great!!!

  75.  #75Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I feel curious as to where Belle is. Reading her feels so awe-inspiring, tingly, and wow! It feels satisfying reading about her little triumphs and discoveries. if you read this Belle, hugs to you!

  76.  #76Rebecca on September 24, 2012 at 11:31 am


    I am also stressed reading all the other sirens giving you the same advice time & time again and you are just asking the same questions repeatedly.

    It feels really icky, like you are pressuring them to say what you want to hear, and then you are ignoring it or being grumpy if they don’t say the right thing.

    Am I right? Apologies for being so blunt..

  77.  #77Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Goddess LIly,

    Actually in the first week more over the top excitement…

    What I do feel is that I’m much more open about who I am and what I’m looking for. That is creating more of a stable feeling to this.

  78.  #78MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Sorry for delayed responses btw! @work.

  79.  #79Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

    If you do not like what your results have been in relationship, look no further than the mirror to discover the cause…and the solution

  80.  #80Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Yes, FW, I love that line!!!

  81.  #81bloom-ing on September 24, 2012 at 11:37 am


    “you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man”

    : )

    love you

  82.  #82ruth on September 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Evening ladies
    I cant go into specifics about my situation, but I just wanted to say that the Blog is really helping me today
    Everything you are saying to memulo resonates with me.I *am* manageing to lean back in actions but it is *so* hard to stop the obsesive thinking/.analysing/wondering what I might have done or said wrong to make him so silent after we had such a lovely time together recently
    My heart feels tight and constricted in my chest.I feel choked up.I feel desperate and so so scared
    I “could* send a text to rpovoke a reaction, and i might get one, but-a you say FW—“then what?”

    Exactly.! I cant keep going through this pattern
    Ive read a whole novel this evening, which helped a bit, but I wish I could switch ;these feelings off for a bit.It feeling overwhelming.Too much.Yuck
    Tonught though I am going to carry on feeling them
    And hopefully the intensity and pain will lessen

  83.  #83bloom-ing on September 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

    lol… the 25 y.o. who jumped in the tiger cage at the Bronx zoo wanting “to be one with the tiger” reminds me so much of my first boyfriend…. lol i’m dying: “When police asked Villalobos why he would jump 17 feet into the tiger den, his response was simple: ‘Everybody in life makes choices.'” so true… omg ((((((ex)))))) amazing i love humans so so much : ))

  84.  #84Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

    @61 Memulo – just so you know too, “I feel that…” isn’t a true feeling message. Daria would be ALL OVER you for saying that. (Because she wants to see you succeed!)

    A true feeling message MUST be completed with an EMOTION.

    keep practicing and don’t lose heart!
    (because that’s where your gold is!)

  85.  #85bloom-ing on September 24, 2012 at 11:43 am


    i feel happy smile-y reading this: ” so silent after we had such a lovely time together recently”

    Man Cave time maybe?

    hope you have a nice, relaxing day : )

  86.  #86Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Yet a person who is committed to creating a loving, committed, happy, healthy spiritual partnership in the very near future is going to behave very differently than a person who is still dealing with a sense of victimization about the poor parenting they received, or who sees themselves as someone who has a lot of “relationship issues,” or a person who has difficulty sustaining love and has many push-pull challenges in his or her intimate relationships.

    So, the process of visioning is not simply you telling the Universe what it is that you want in your life. It is also a process of being willing to become the woman or man you would need to be to actually co-create and then sustain that relationship.

  87.  #87Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Been missing you.

  88.  #88Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

    I feel really excited. I’m going to give myself a little makeover. Haircut, mani, pedi. I’m also going to mini cleaning and organizing projects. Every space I am in will feel so warm and inviting. Yum, for fall. 🙂

  89.  #89Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

    @81 ruth – It feels so good to read through your healing. I feel inspired. (((((ruth))))

  90.  #90Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

    @85 Feminine Woman – thank you for this. feels super helpful. i feel hopeful. i was in this place, but it feels freeing not to be there anymore.

  91.  #91Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Fighting negative voices today. Starbright, don’t read this post. I am not trying to take away from you sharing your joy.

    In reading about people’s great first dates, I feel triggered. I remember my own absolutely wonderful first date with my recent ex. We spent 5 hours together and I was over the moon. I had never had that feeling before. And yet, it still ended. Ended with…we aren’t compatible….13 months later. We didn’t feel like we could really say anything to each other. I didn’t know about Rori then and I KNOW now that I did things that certainly didn’t help our situation but there were also red flags about his personality that I ignored. Things that I am happy to be without now. But when I remember how happy I was in those first few weeks, I feel confused. How could it change so much? I feel scared to trust a happy feeling on a great date (if I ever have another one). What’s a real red flag and what’s a personality quirk that shouldn’t matter? What does everyone think?


  92.  #92new siren on September 24, 2012 at 11:52 am


    Everybody gives you good advice and you keep coming back to the same question, should I text him? No, if ever there was a time and a case for no contact it is now. He is offering you tiny tiny tiny crumbs. I dont think it is at all acceptable to cancel at the last moment via text, I am sick.

    I would never ever feel good responding to a text like that.

    Please try to see through the fog….

  93.  #93Calypso on September 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Happy Monday, Sirens!

    I tested myself this weekend. I spent a few hours with JC on Friday night, but he fell asleep on the couch watching a moivie and so when he woke up, I let him know I was tired too and needed to go home. When I left there, I thought – i would just be relieved to break up with this man – I’m too tired to try to be in a relationship with someone right now . . .

    Sat i spent resting and just being me and by that night, i felt better. I texted GM and asked how his weekend was going and told him if he got free Sun evening, to let me know and we could meet for a hug, a beer and a laugh – I knew the chances were pretty good that he would not follow through with an actual invitation to meet him, even though he said “Ok” – he would only agree to go out if i texted him Sun night and said I was on my way . . .

    So – I set myself up to be disappointed and i was. I did not hear from him yesterday. I went to bed early and now today I feel better about dating JC – I think part of my problem last week was how nice GM was to me about my son going into Marine Corps – he texted me all the things I needed to hear to feel better, then I started thinking I should not be seeing JC because I’d rather be with GM – but . . . that is not an option and JC is a perfectly sweet, caring man who deserves a chance.

    SO – last night when JC texted me, i was nicer to him than I have been and used FM’s a lot – now today he has just asked me if I’d like to go to the beach with him in 2 weeks – win/win I sent him messages about how it would feel to kiss him at the beach . . . salty . . .with waves crashing . . . He said it sounded romantic. Yes, it does… Waitng for a man who does not want to be with me is stupid!

  94.  #94ruth on September 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Aw, thanks FW That feels nice to read

    Bloom-ing-i dont get the man cave thing at all
    I feel really panicked by it
    Still, this is more about me and my insecurities isnt it

    Anyway, it *is helping me to read al your good advice-it just feels so difficult to *do * it

    Baby steps———-

  95.  #95Tam on September 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Hi Ruth!
    Glad to have you back!!!
    Sounds like you are doing really well. I read somewhere that men need the distance to fall in love or stay in love, a bit like we need the closeness. I definitely observed this in my relationships, and instead of bemoaning the distance, when it appears, I try to see it as ‘me’ time. That did work well and men tend to come out of the cave faster than when we ‘send that text’. Reading a whole novel – wow!!!
    Cool stuff!! 🙂

  96.  #96Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Goddess LIly,

    Actually I felt worse reading your first post to me! That one felt personal your #90 does not. Although I feel sad for how that relationship went.

    The difference for me is that I didn’t feel “over the moon” saturday night. I felt just truly myself and much more centered than other first dates that made me feel super high.

    Anyhow, it could go no further or end up in marriage…who knows?

    I am focusing on me and cding men, experiences, my life!

    The difference too is that I feel less invested in him so to speak. Happy that I am changing and more comfortable with myself. Reading your number 90 makes me feel better because I see your earlier post came from your experience…

    (((Goddess LIly)))

  97.  #97Tam on September 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Ruth, I don’t get the man cave either but it’s a fact. Men and women are different. That’s where we have all those misunderstandings I suppose.

  98.  #98Tam on September 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    I *decide* that mancave time is time for him to miss me and fall in love with me. Suddenly, man cave time is a positive thing.

  99.  #99ruth on September 24, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    88 lama

    I feel a right mess at the moment, all confused and adrift and desperate and I certainly dont feel inspiring.
    Im a long way form healing, BUT
    If I keep ding the same things, I will keep getting the same result and so I must trust in the tools
    They make “so” much sense, but it feels so difficult to do them
    I want to text*hey, are you ignoring me?*

    I can see perfectly well that the best repsonse I would get right now is an irritated one, or worse
    But the silnece is driving me potty!

    When I have spent time with him, feeling connected an good, I want to stay in contact
    If he doesnt, then i feel like I did something wrong
    Or i worry that he doesnt want me any more

    Blah, blah
    I am annoying myself now

    And i want to know when i can see him again

  100.  #100CurvySiren10 on September 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Tam 55 and Rebecca 75~ I agree. I give up too. It’s beyond frustrating to witness this. I feel exasperated by it….letting go.

  101.  #101ruth on September 24, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    thanks Tam, for explaining about man cave

    Men and women really *are* different
    I read fast

    It was the new Jodi Piccoult
    (d*amn the Kindle-too easy to buy books)

    Anyway, the Lakes were beautiful(and the marathon has trashed the legs!)

    I got some GREAT pics, it was worth the ten hour round trip.AND I even went on the M6 in the dark on my own.This is a first

  102.  #102Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 12:12 pm


    I apologize for my first message. Perhaps the two shouldve went together. This is an area of communication growth for me as I apparently dont say what I mean the first time I try. I didn’t mean to judge or presume anything about your experience.

  103.  #103Annie on September 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    From previous post.


    “Anyway, feeling a little worried about having a date so close to where he lives. Feeling angry at myself for not calling and confronting him when I noticed he is on the site. I am a coward.”

    I feel positive you will have another opportunity Memulo.

    Calling him and confronting would have been chasing and combative.

    When he contacts you and asks you out without leaning forward or initiating would have been when to express your truth in feeling messages and wants and don’t wants.

    So when he texted hello. A response of just hello back and then leaving the space for him to step forward or not. Never give more than they are giving you.

    And if he had initiated taking you out on a date again that would have been the time to give your speech.
    He did ask if he could see you didn’t he?
    That would have been the time to give your speech.
    And not invite him to your party.
    And inspire him to either step up, pull you back in or say that he wasn’t happy to exclusively date you.
    You are not supposed to exclusively date him until he is offering you the complete relationship that you want. Then and only then does he get you all to himself.
    Him dating other women is to do with what you want to tolerate.

    He obviously thinks he is either just dating you or you are just friends.
    Because you have slept with him, you you believe you are in a relationship and have gotten attached and your hormones are running you.

    What is it that you want Memulo?
    What relationship are you wanting?

    Only you can answer this for yourself.
    If you are at that place where you know.
    If not what is the message and the lesson he is bringing you?

  104.  #104CurvySiren10 on September 24, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Mancave really IS a needed space and time for men to feel the love and the missing…at least that’s what happened to me and that man came back in a BIG way… we are committed, lol.

    It’s VERY hard to see when you’re in the midst of it though.

    Starbright, feeling happy for you!! 🙂

    Goddess Lily, the thing about your amazing first date was that it always feels perfect when you connect that way off the bat and infatuation is at its highest level. Thirteen months later is when things like conflict resolution skills (or lack thereof) can make it feel like you’re “not compatible” anymore. Couples simply aren’t taught how to do that…. I am working on something very important that will change people’s views and understanding on that subject. I’ll be sharing more soon, but your post really spoke to me….

  105.  #105Tam on September 24, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Ruth you are making huge leaps, it may not feel like it but I can feel your vibe changing. I love it.

  106.  #106Annie on September 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    58: Memulo says:

    “I could call tonight and ask how he feels and how today turned out, he was supposed to have a tough day”

    Gosh I feel angry. I want to slap you, to wake you up.

    Yes you could do that
    You are not his mummy!
    Do you want to do that and be his mummy?

  107.  #107Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    @ 98 ruth – aw, I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious. but you’ve got all kinds of feeling messages going on. That’s great!

    you feel confused, adrift, and desperate. not great feelings, necessarily, but it IS great that you are noticing them, feeling them, identifying them.

    the tools require patience. which feels frustrating a lot of the time.

    BUT, the nice thing is, you can tell a man exactly how you’re feeling when he finally does contact you. (and they always do, even if they take FOUR MONTHS, LOL)

    “aw, it feels good to finally hear from you, but I have to admit, I was feeling really anxious. and now I feel curious and a little scared. what do you think?”

    or whatever it is you feel like saying in that particular moment, as long as it is about YOUR feelings, and NOT about blaming him for what he has or hasn’t done.

    It feels frustrating because men can be really inconsiderate. BUT – as you grow and feel and experience, the men get better! the old ones, as well as the new ones that show up!

    yaaaaay. 🙂

  108.  #108Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    i feel disconnected when I don’t hear from you. i feel lonely. i feel ignored. what do you think?

  109.  #109Laughing Goddess on September 24, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    My man offered me a commitment after spending some time in his man cave. He said that he realized that I was ‘the one’ when he started missing me. If I wouldn’t have given him the space to miss me then he may have never figured it out.


    I don’t necessarily get it but if that’s what they need to figure things out, then I’m all for the man cave.

  110.  #110Tam on September 24, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    I kind of conquered my fear of the dentist. Now, I do feel that this will help me with fear of intimacy. My dentist said she realises I have a fear of surrendering myself into the hands of another human being because I feel powerless. She said ‘listen, you have all the power. You say stop and I stop. You can do
    what you want, this is your life. I will do as
    you say’. I felt powerful and I started to trust
    and willingly surrendered. It felt so good.
    Today I had no more fear. At all.
    The lesson I take is, that when I have a man I can feel safe and secure with – it will be so easy for me to surrender and be emotionally and physically fully intimate.
    That would feel good.
    I like looking after myself and don’t think I can go back to giving the NV’s all the power, and let a man keep me on a string. It’s kind of impossible now. 🙂

  111.  #111Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    aw, it feels fun to practice feeling messages. i still need to practice myself.

    I’m better at the act of feeling than I am at the speaking of the feelings. speaking them feels scary, and its crazy powerful! feels overwhelming!

  112.  #112Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Aw, Curvysiren, Thank-you for your happy thoughts! 🙂

    And, I am curious what you will be revealing that you’ve been working on…?

    Goddess lily, Thank-you too for your kind thoughts…No problem…we are all learning! 🙂

  113.  #113Calypso on September 24, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    I feel like I am finally learning the difference between how it feels to chase a man (Yucky) and how it feels to lean back and let a man chase me (Panic).

    I did tell JC on Friday that I feel panic in my chest sometimes and just feel like I need to get off the couch or leave the room or go home and that if he will learn to let me go without it being such a big deal, I will always come back and probably a lot faster as I get more comfortable. He told me that he is on my side and would never hurt me and I tried my best to explain that I understand that in my brain . . . but not in my fight or flight reflexes – not yet. he seemed to get it. If he has the patience to keep trying and if he can hold on loosly . . . we could have a lot of good times together (That’s my definition of a committment – lmao @ myself)

  114.  #114Laughing Goddess on September 24, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    My tummy feels upside down and I don’t feel so good.

    Giving myself love. That’s about all I can do.

  115.  #115new siren on September 24, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    I feel triggered reading the blog today but only because I can see myself in other sirens……

  116.  #116Laughing Goddess on September 24, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Hugs to all of you. I wish I could reply more but I just feel so low energy right now, even thinking of a response and typing feels like too much atm.


    I do have to say that I am feeling super in love with my man. I feel cherished and loved by him and that feels amazing.

    We had a fun weekend together and he surprised me with a beautiful necklace that he knows I like. I feel moved and my heart feels overflowing.

  117.  #117Starla on September 24, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    52 FW I am here, what is up, pretty lady? 🙂

  118.  #118Calypso on September 24, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    OMG – I just got off the phone with the Oncology Nurse – my middle son’s bone marrow test came back and he is cancer free – he has been on chemo for 2 1/2 years – I need to cry, but I’m at work – Wow!!!

  119.  #119Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I don’t know what my deal is today. I want to cry but I am fighting this feeling because I want it to make sense. The analyst in me wants a reason for these feelings and doubts so that i can fix it. Nothing has changed in my life, so why do I feel different today? Not even today, just two hours ago. Work was ok, the sun is shining, I’ve eaten a good meal. What is wrong today? I haven’t wanted my ex back once in the last 3 weeks since when broke up, now I am questioning that. What changed from the beginning to the end? I want to say he did, I’ve always been emotional and I made a point of showing my emotions up front. Aside from saying I’m emotionally draining, he told me someone my age (28) should’ve worked out their insecurities by now. Maybe if I had been a siren then, we would still have the relationship we started with. We used to be good at conflict resolution. We were the model for other relationships. They looked up to us. I think we crushed everybody’s dreams when we broke up. Nobody saw it coming. He used to try…..and then he stopped trying altogether. I want to say you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man and say good riddance, but today there is a question mark. A big ugly question mark that is nawwing at me.

  120.  #120Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Yay Calypso! I think crying at work is acceptable in this case considering everything you have went through. If not, I’ll cry for you because that is wonderful news.

  121.  #121Belle on September 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    I’m here I’m here!

    This morning I felt like an utter fool when I realized how I had been totally played by C, the song line someone posted yesterday was going through my head, “Players only love you when they’re playing”.
    I felt shame and cried in the bathroom until I heard the song, “Everybody plays the fool, sometimes” in my head, which cheered me up.

    Back at my desk, I stayed deeply connected to my heart. I focused on the mantra, “The Chr!st within me is creating miracles in my heart, mind and life right here right now.” Over and over. I heard the song, “One love”, I imagined connecting my heart to a mother blue whale heart (the size of a VW bug!)…and remembered my ACIM lesson from last week, “I cannot overestimate the value of my brother.” I repeated those all over and over and stretched out my chest and encouraged my heart to stretch and grow and feel raw instead of contracting.

    I felt through all of the feelings of contempt for C, of wanting to pick a fight with him, of believing he was wrong, of feeling frustrated that I felt ignored, “I cannot overestimate the value of my brother.”

    It wasn’t too long before I felt radiant and soft and good again. I took some paperwork to C and felt genuinely playful and good. In an hour he went from seeming sinister and dangerous and evil and bad to…just some guy I work with who I’m seeing more clearly. I felt compassion for the guy spouting racist gibberish, he’s just ignorant and I believe he was feeling bad feelings around some people he had tried to help who couldn’t receive his assistance. I blessed them all and showered him with sparks of love and everyone else in my office, too, for that matter..and here I am!!

    I had a dream several months ago…

    I was walking toward a bedroom, and saw a horribly disfigured black demon troll running across my path. I knew he was running to get my baby who was in the bedroom. I felt fear for a split second, then felt a power surge through me as I pointed at it and sang, “I bless you!”

    The demon/troll instantly became an enormous being of unspeakable beauty, radiant and made of light and color and there was LOVE and we giggled and laughed uncontrollably…then the scene shifted and I was in a room full of demons sitting in chairs in a circle around me and I felt crowded, they started to close in on me. Again, I spontaneously burst into song in a voice I’ve never had in waking life that was powerful and clear and strong,

    “I bless you! I bless you! You. Are. My. SISTERS and I BLESS you!!”

    In a flash, they ALSO turned into radiant, beautiful beings of complex color and light and we laughed and laughed.

    I’ve kept that dream close to my heart, even when I knew I was screwing up I’d keep coming back to it and know that’s my true self. I thought of it again today as I sat there feeling powerless and
    victimized. And all is right with my world again. C is kind of staying at the other end of the office, and he will for a few days or weeks or months, then when he feels safe again we’ll either hang out and be in a new place together or one of us is going to vibrate right out of this place 🙂

    If it ends up that I leave, I will not keep in touch with him. He can be like the flypaper tool.

  122.  #122Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Missing you Starla. Hope all is well.

  123.  #123Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm


  124.  #124bloom-ing on September 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Yay, Calypso !!!!! ((((((((((Calypso’s son)))))))))))

    i feel happy reading that : ) thank you for sharing

  125.  #125new siren on September 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Yay Calypso…very exciting for you and your son:)

  126.  #126Starla on September 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    everything’s okay

    i am missing CF like crazy.

    I don’t feel the anxious heart break I did when we first split. But I am still hoping he comes back as much as I did before.

  127.  #127Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    ((Ruth)) I feel a change in you Ruth. A good change.

    we were miles apart this weekend in the lakes! You braved the m6 in the dark wow! You will have driven right past my house too! Should have stopped by for a cup of tea 
    How was the marathon? The weather felt beautiful, unlike today! We didn’t go quite as far as langdale, up to ambleside and back down to Windermere.

    I want to share my pics too. Going to contact radlove.

  128.  #128Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    I want more men in my life!!!!!

    Inspired by tam 

  129.  #129bloom-ing on September 24, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    is it just me or does that stock image look like kim kardashian ?? lol

  130.  #130Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Radlove, thank you. I shall be in touch soon. 

  131.  #131CurvySiren10 on September 24, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Yay Calypso!! That is the BEST news!!! 🙂

  132.  #132CurvySiren10 on September 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    it does look like Kim K bloom-ing! 🙂

  133.  #133Calypso on September 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you…

    Reminds me of what really matters in this life!

  134.  #134Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    I feel so humiliated. But getting used to the idea of life without him. What can I do if the fairy tale is not there for me;)-?

    Starla I hope my agony is not feeding your feelings for CF

  135.  #135Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Calypso, I feel such joy for you. I can imagine you must be overwhelmed with relief x

  136.  #136Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Memulo, believe that you can have the fairytale! It may not be with him but it’s there for you I’m sure.

    I feel strongly about the law of attraction! Maybe it can help you too memulo. It would feel nice to read that you feel uplifted 

  137.  #137Daria on September 24, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    wow ! im noticing the power of CDing!

    so far i notice on the blog, the women who embrace CDing (with actual dates) and continue staying available (profiles up, open to men) through triggers seem to heal REALLY FAST! the quality of treatment they receive skyrockets sometimes in just days

    women who don’t CD when its called for (not in committed relationships, or relationships where there is bad behavior from the man) seem to stay around the same level of healing – FOR YEARS!!! – even though they talk about healing or that things are getting better (or not) , and have aha moments in intellectually understanding the tools

    No WONDER RORI PUSHES Women to CD so consistently and not to have profiles down or close off… THIS IS YEARS !!! YEARS!!!! wowie zowie…

    i want to know how to gently push like Rori so i can help more

    Im so sold on CDing even more just seeing this huge discrepancy

    the years don’t seem long to me, but gosh i guess they ARE… that is BIG TIME!

    Damn, Rori! You rock.

  138.  #138Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    That made me feel giggly! I can’t read the link in roris latest… It says ‘oh crapola!’ it’s down for maintenance.

    Well that’s just poop timing on my behalf  I’ll have to check it another time.

  139.  #139Daria on September 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Yay Calypso!

  140.  #140Starla on September 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Nah, Memulo, it’s not you!!!

    I have been feeling this way all weekend. He’s always in my dreams. It’s driving me a little batty.

    It’s always worse after a date with a CD.

    I have several CDs at this point and nothing all that great to say about any of them.

    At first it felt cool to have so many guys wanting me, buying me meals and fun stuff, texting me, calling me, making plans with me…

    But the problem is, I need to feel something back. And I don’t. My heart is still with CF.

    I say I wouldn’t be with him if he came back, because of how he acts in conflict/hard times, but it’s a lie at this point. “But I love him” comes to mind a lot, and it makes me feel kind of lame. Like I am willing to compromise myself or something.

  141.  #141Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm


    Just wait to hear about all the men I’m about to pull in when I’ve finished cding myself! I’m open to men but feel excited to think that soon after my move my magnetism will be so strong I’ll be overwhelmed by the attention!

  142.  #142Starla on September 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Whenever I feel like this, or whenever he appears in my dreams, I try to just take it as a sign that I am “slipping” backwards into my old dimensions/frequencies. And my “anecdote” is to do really wonderful, healthy things for myself. To take such good care of myself emotionally and physically that CF wouldn’t even QUALIFY for my frequency.

    but…i dunno. i’m venting here and it feels good. i was without the internet all weekend and just coping on my own, hehe. ((((((((blog)))))))))

  143.  #143Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Actually correction… I’ll never be done cding myself!!

  144.  #144ruth on September 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    If I say I feel disconnected when I dont hear fromhim, isnt that like blaming him?

  145.  #145Starla on September 24, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    actually to be honest, i also take it as a sign that CF is ascending in frequencies and coming closer to my own. But I do feel myself slipping backwards whenever I have ‘contact’ with him in any energetic form.

    for example, my date took me for a hike on Saturday where he told me about his best friend. His best friend is one of CF’s students it turns out.

    oh brother. lol

    maybe it sounds psycho but i’m still feeling like he and i will be reunited in time. when we’re both at a stable frequency that is the same.

  146.  #146Tam on September 24, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    CDing is good, but all the CDing can’t make one happy with oneself…and that is a fundamental requirement for being in a successful relationship with a man. Dating is fun, practicing tools is fun, healing, learning experience.
    But if there is no self esteem, it’s useless also. If self esteem comes only from men courting one, when the man leaves you’re back at square one. Sometimes they all disappear.
    Key is to be happy with oneself always and then do what feels right, whether it’s CDing, yoga, painting – having a passion. Everything else will fall into place.
    My belief.

  147.  #147Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    @ 112 Calypso – well, first of all, I feel so grateful and relieved with you that your son is cancer free!!!

    secondly, just wanted to thank you for writing about your feelings of panic.

    I feel embarassed about the feelings of panic I have when I lean back and let them chase me.

    hearing you write about your feelings of panic makes me feel less alone. thank you.

  148.  #148Tam on September 24, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    126 Smile..haha…they are all baby step ‘fake it till you make it’ men. But hey, who cares?! 😉

  149.  #149Linda on September 24, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    from last thread

    Heart ! Really!! Your comment to me was very rude and uncalled for. I did not ask for help, advice or opinion. I was simply sharing some observations and recent experiences. What side of the bed did you get up on… oh wait you already said… know what boy energy feels and sounds like… it acts just like what you wrote.

  150.  #150Tereana on September 24, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    I thought the link looked suspicious as well. Though I’m sure it’s just a funny story. Clearly not a Rori post, though! I think she’s still on va-cay….

    Anyway, Siren Angel, I am glad you liked what I wrote in the last blog (like around #558 or something).

    And you, too, BW!

    What if you could just relax and not “worry” about meeting other guys? What if you could be excited about it? Because you really don’t need to worry. If TH is your guy, then eventually it will all work out, and he will step up and be the man you need. And if not, then you truly don’t need to worry about how he will feel if you meet someone else. How about how YOU will feel?? What if you feel amazing! And then it will be easy to tell TH anything, because you will know you have found a great guy. TH will understand. He’ll know that he’s not your guy, if he’s really not. Guys are kind of intuitive like that. (That’s why sometimes they “get out of our way.”) And the right guy will know, too, and he won’t let you go.

    So just think about that. Maybe some possibilities.

    I hope that’s a possibility for me! 🙂

  151.  #151Tam on September 24, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Congrats Calypso!!!!…yes, that’s what’s really important in life, that those near and dear to us are healthy.

    I am thinking of Flowerchild now and hoping she is ok, as ok as can be.

  152.  #152Iamabutterfly on September 24, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    @142 ruth – I feel unsure. I have to be honest, I’ve never used that feeling message myself. (even though I might’ve felt like saying it when I was away from a guy, I’ve never actually felt it when in his prescence. does that even make sense?)

    maybe you could say something like, “it would feel good to hear from you at least once a day…” or whatever would feel good to you. that feels more positive and less blame-y.

    feminine woman really helps me when I have a feeling message prepared when I sound too blame-y. maybe she’ll pitch in? I feel curious…:)

  153.  #153ruth on September 24, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Smile, the marathon was awesome but VERY tough
    they have altered the course a little
    We got a technical T shirt with all our names on at the end and a silver Boot


    Thank you Sirens.I hope my vibe *is* changing.I have to remember it is about *me* and not him, and i must not use feeling messages to try and control any outcome.All I know is that I dont want to go through this bad cycle over and over again

  154.  #154ruth on September 24, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I have used that mesage once, and got a load of self justification form him

    But you see, I think I was using it to get an outcome-i.e– him to contact me

  155.  #155ruth on September 24, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Calypso that is wonderful news!

    I feel so happy to read this

  156.  #156Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:58 pm





  157.  #157Smile on September 24, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Ruth, stunningly exhaustingly awesome  wow what a feeling!

  158.  #158Daria on September 24, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    i feel guilty im not married


    tht feels funny

    Why am i not married? investigation of beliefs

    cuz im not famous yet

    i havent gotten as cool or as famous and important as i want to get and i think that has to happen BEForE im married

    i have to learn how to have great, all about me sex before im married

    im not in brazil yet

    im still scared of it

    im scared to talk about spirituality and using LOA for living cuz i think i will be judged as ditzy

    i had a LOT of issues to overcome

    i dont have the support network i want yet for birth and family raising

    im still wanting men who have ‘gangster’ as one of their core values – and i do too – and THIS means its not gonan work out – tho i see its not true so bascially i still judge myself for having this value

    im not ready to – for the above reasons

    NOT BAD!!!

    im doing really well on healing all of the above

    i feel all trembly in chest


    oh i yeah ‘i cant support myself financially’ tho i can with LOA and i always have and always will but i want to do it in a way that my family is pleased with consciously and im NOT and ouch ang ouch and ufffffffffffff

    i feel open to and asking for DIVINE help in healing this!

    thank you!

  159.  #159Smile on September 24, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Hm maybe the universe knows when it is the right time in our lives for us to receive our ‘the one’…

  160.  #160Smile on September 24, 2012 at 2:03 pm


  161.  #161Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    My sister just told me I should date ugly men because they are more appreciative. I don’t like this suggestion.

  162.  #162Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    CDing is the fastest way I’ve seen in my life so far to GET to feeling happy with oneself

  163.  #163Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    fuchk im so tired of arguing

    i feel pist that Rori doesn’t show up and just support her shit herself lol


    also pist that i’m not yet drawing in all the free coaches and coaching i want on this and other topics

    as amazing a human as i am and as so many people say about me, i deserve it, non

    im feeling frustrated here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  164.  #164Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    i WILL learn to stop fighting

    i WILL learn to use my energy in ways that create my world

    i WILL heal this feeling of not being good enough to be included in circles I want to be included in

    I WILL heal this fear that im going to be ambushed and destroyed

    i WILL heal this fear that Something will always show up to make it harder

    i WILL heal this fear that my life is insignificant – other than an object of attachment for my parents

    awww i feel like crying now


    trembly sad

    hello i love my trembly saddddd

  165.  #165Smile on September 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I just felt my fear about dating men, even just talking to them.

    I’m far from shy… Where has this fear come from…

    What would I say? I’ve never felt fear with any contact I’ve had with men in the past, I’ve felt Fun and flirty, so why now? Humpf 🙁

  166.  #166Starla on September 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    CDing is great. And this is just my personal opinion, and one I’ve read from some other dating ‘gurus’ for women, but if your life is a mess and you’re doing nothing to change it, to the point where CDing is your escape and/or potential way out (marrying for money, marrying for validation, etc.), you’ll never actually MEET that great guy. You’ll meet a guy who will fill the role, but he won’t be great (because he’s energetically attracted to a woman who is too afraid of herself to care for herself, which doesn’t say much about his own quality).

    I took some time out from CDing to get my own life in order, and the quality of men I attract now is 10 times what I used to attract.

    still not ‘feeling’ much for them, so i have more work to do.

  167.  #167Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    i shoved it in my temple and its pounding

    wow sobbing

    so mad!

    peopel who die early


  168.  #168Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    CDing is dating for THERAPY

  169.  #169Tam on September 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    160+161 – trigger?
    I don’t speak for everybody but CDing isn’t helping me at all when I am not happy with myself, it’s a burden to me. When I feel ok, I can CD. I personally would be worried though if that was the biggest thing that would make me feel good because that would be hinging my self esteem on other people, notably men. Good luck with that. That’s what got me into trouble in the first place and I am happy to be free of that thinking.

  170.  #170ruth on September 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    159 LG

    ooh, I feel narked with your sister

  171.  #171Tam on September 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    164 Starla – ditto

  172.  #172Tam on September 24, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    163 Smile, fear of change, a new chapter – normal. It will all be good 🙂

  173.  #173Starla on September 24, 2012 at 2:17 pm


    and i think that work i have to do is going to be through CDing.

  174.  #174Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    i used to feel desperate that i wouldn’t get to marry a man i could adore. the handsomest most bravest most wanted, someone i worshipped


    oMG i couldve assured myself a life of clingy desperation and worthlessness

    i felt scared i would have to ‘settle’ for a dorky guy who liked me a lot

    now im like whew!

    i get it, im not gonna settle, im gonna get worshipped and i can be madly in love with ME and thaats SOLID

    and frees up so much of my magic energy



    HEAR ME!!!





    tremblly sobs

  175.  #175Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    lol the divine powers are like THIS BI*TCH IS YELLING AT US LOL AND TELLING US WHT TO DO!



  176.  #176Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    a big thank you to IRON whose come into my life and is helping me out mucho

    eearth led me to iron

    God led me to Goddess who led me back to GOD yum

  177.  #177Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm


  178.  #178Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    saying ‘im just a girl here, i feel disconnected not hearing from a man for awhile, i dont want to feel that way with you, what do you think we can do to fix this?”

    is something Rori recommends

    Dominique is great at these FM’s , I’d ask her

  179.  #179Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    sorry for conceptually arguing with peopel and energetically yelling

    its not about yall

    fighting mode with my voices

    i love you voices

  180.  #180Starla on September 24, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    lol i feel amused

    in a good way!

    power to the people! and the sirens! get what you want! in the way you want! yessss this feels good.

  181.  #181Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    i love this damn sidestep tool

    im gonna sidestep my way into reading cool stuff im into!

    that will feel loveyyyyy

  182.  #182Smile on September 24, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    My fear came and went. It doesn’t stay very long nowadays 

  183.  #183Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    fuchk man, i lost weight

    i couldnt fit these shorts 2 weeks ago

    damn no wonder, imnot eating enuf

    get up on it i want to take better care of my nutrition

    its good tho

    i kno ima get it back

    im still fly no matter what i look like

    it comes from inside

  184.  #184Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    no matter what size


    what if this means im getting even MORE of the body shape i want!

    yes thats what it means i decide


  185.  #185Smile on September 24, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Hmm this ressonates with me…

    And here’s the second thing you need to know about this man – Diana bought the whole “he’s wounded because his wife cheated on him” line. When the absolute, total truth is – he’s ATTRACTED to women who CHEAT!!!!


    Diana was just too nice, too “there,” too dependable, too loving, too easy. No matter WHAT Diana had done – no matter how many “hard-to-get” games she would have played, no matter how far she tried to back up, no matter what – he KNEW she would never cheat on him.

    And THAT was what was “wrong” with her! Maddening, isn’t it? Totally crazy-making. Here we are – really great women, thinking we’ll be the one “good woman” to turn around a “wounded” and “untrusting” man – and what we find out is what he really WANTS is a woman he CAN’T trust! Of course, he doesn’t know this about himself.

  186.  #186Daria on September 24, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    i feel compelled to complain!

    i have lots of complainy energy !

    i love my complainy energy

  187.  #187Smile on September 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Letting go of feeling overwhelmed. Too much to do. Gonna take it all in my stride. Do a little, then a little bit more.
    Feeling more relieved and relaxed. I trust I’ll get it all done. Letting go 

  188.  #188Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    I will feel terrible if he is really sick and I am playing games

  189.  #189Belle on September 24, 2012 at 2:59 pm


    You know, that article has stuck with me for a long time. It was really helpful looking back at the ex I spent 16 years getting over…it finally dawned on me…OH, he’s attracted to women who are mean to him and do meth. It doesn’t matter how awesome I am or how much I love him or his mother loves me, he is attracted to a mean addict.

    In other news, something I noticed today is that when I felt all charged up and kind of wanted to pick a fight, it didn’t feel really REAL, like I didn’t really believe myself, because THERE WAS NO PAIN.
    It didn’t hurt to get charged up. It didn’t hurt to speak up. It didn’t hurt to feel my feelings.

  190.  #190Smile on September 24, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    I want to look older 
    Maybe when I do look ‘older’ I’ll appreciate that I look younger than I am, but now I feel fear that it’s stopping me from finding ‘a man’.
    I want to heal this belief.

  191.  #191Smile on September 24, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Belle, I can hear the saying ‘treat em mean, keep em keen’ in my head.

    But it makes me think. No I want more!

  192.  #192Starbright on September 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm


    If there is something you really have a need to say…you can say it…

    Or you could write out all your feelings…riff and get it out of your system.

    And/or you could ger busy taking care of you. Taking care of you is most important!!! How can you do that?

  193.  #193Smile on September 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Memulo, it feels like your driving yourself crazy. Rax, try to stop ‘ thinking’ I feel your pain.

  194.  #194Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm


    Dumb question, what does narked mean?

  195.  #195bloom-ing on September 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    memulo, it would sound fun for me to get all the Stuff that is swirling inside of me Out (riffing) so i can see what’s up for me… : ) i feel curious if you would find this free-feeling or if you feel anxious to do that… what do you think?

  196.  #196Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Calypano! Yeah!!! I felt an overwhelming sense of relief for you and your son. This is fantastic news.

  197.  #197Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Calypso! Yeah!!! I felt an overwhelming sense of relief for you and your son. This is fantastic news.

  198.  #198Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Tam and Starla,

    I absolutely agree. I would not CD to run away from things I need to address about myself or to run away from feelings because that would not attract the right man.

    Also, I feel it is very different when you are dating or in an uncommitted relatioship than when you are in a relationship that has hurdles and different still when you are hurting from a breakup. I believe this is why Rori does say that we can CD ourselves and friends if we don’t want to date other men.

  199.  #199Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    My point is, yes sure if you are online and just starting to get to know a man, before any talk of exclusivity or commitment, by all means CD to minimize your risk and not get stuck on one too fast.
    But very different in other circumstances.

  200.  #200Starla on September 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    i will certainly CD until I have the commitment I want.

    going home to take care of myself and pretty myself up for Warrior picking me up to take me out to buy gifts for my friend’s baby shower!

    have a nice night, sirens!

  201.  #201LiliBee on September 24, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Urrrkkk. I feel so uurrrrkk.

    D finally opened up to me and told me the truth about how he feels.

    I got all uptight and ‘controlling’ on Saturday afternoon.
    The ‘making him wrong controlling’ comment left my mouth and it was too late.

    Sunday night I was alone with him finally, and he kept himself busy.
    I could feel the cold distance.
    I knew I pushed him away further once more.

    I said:
    ” I’m craving attention.
    I feel cold tension between us and it feels bad.
    I feel sad that it has become that way between us.
    I feel like I’m hanging in suspense.
    I don’t want to keep feeling this way.
    Can we talk?”

    ” I’ll start by taking a shower, I’ll think about it while I’m in the shower.”

    When he got out of the shower, he was cold and didn’t bring it up.

    I said ” I really want to talk.
    I feel awful to have gone way down the priority scale.
    I want to open up communication.
    I don’t want to keep up the same pattern of pretending everything is OK after we’ve had issues.
    It feels bad to leave tension between us.
    I feel disoriented and lost.
    Can you help me? Can you tell me where you are?”

    ” I can’t say I don’t have feelings for you, I do.
    But I have alot to do.”

    ” You’ve gone from wanting me with you all the time even when you were busy, to avoiding me.
    I know I’m not perfect.
    I feel lost. Can you help me understand? ”

    ” There’s been a few things that keep happening that make me doubt our future together.
    You keep leaving when I think everything is great, and I don’t understand why.”

    ” I did tell you I leave bc I feel alone and disconnected.
    I feel insecure and I don’t know how to talk about it without going crazy on you.
    I wait til my feelings get all blown up, the tension gets to be unbearable then I explode.
    I need to learn to communicate when it’s time in a healthy way.”

    ” Like yesterday, you commented about my drinking in a controlling way.
    I feel like I’m being watched and controlled.
    I don’t feel comfortable doing what I want and being me coz I’m always feeling watched and criticized.”

    ” I feel awful that you feel that way.
    I feel so scared of being in a vulnerable position with a man.
    I feel so afraid of being taken for granted.
    It makes me want to control everything.
    That makes me feel so exhausted. I can’t do it anymore.
    I want to express my real feelings and stop covering up with the anger and controlling.”

    ” You end getting the opposite of that don’t you.
    I want to live with someone one day, but with the way things are…I don’t want you to move in and let go of everything, and things keep being this way…It’s so hard to seperate after.
    I can’t say we have a future at this point.
    I don’t want to waste your time.”

    ” What do we do?”

    ” I don’t know.”

    ” I don’t know either. I feel awkward staying here tonight.”

    ” Well you’re here now, you might as well stay.”

    ” I appreciate your honesty. It’s not what I would prefer to hear. But I really appreciate your honesty.”

    I wanted to do something different then leaving all the time, so I stayed.

    He didn’t ask me for his key back.

    The time has come for me to cd.

    I saw him today, and I just said “my heart feels all tight” while bringing my hand to my heart.

    He offered me some dinner.
    I accepted.
    I did not stay for more than an hour.

    Nothing more.
    I left it as is.

    I know I was explainy when I shared my feelings.
    But the point is that he finally quit playing games with me and got real.

  202.  #202Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm


    I feel so much of the pain. It seems like it would have been better to ask him WHEN he wants to talk and go with a more positive flow in the meantime, but I also understand that you felt urgency in talking about it all.

    It seems you expressed your feelings honestly… I am sure he will have some time to think about it all. He may need to man-cave big time now. Remember men need that time to figure out that they miss us and love us.


  203.  #203LiliBee on September 24, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Thank You SA,

    Your support feels good right now.
    It has become urgent bc I kept wanting to talk, but couldn’t find the good space to do it in, and I could never inspire him to talk.

    The timing felt right and it did flow perfectly, as it never flowed at all before.
    The communication door is open.
    The ‘being real’ door is also open.
    There’s no going back to closed communication and playing manipulation games ever again for me.

    Whatever the outcome, I’m letting go of control and urgency.

    I gotta run off to zumba.
    I’ll be back after.

  204.  #204Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    What is good Lilibee is that you had a ‘heart to heart’ with D.
    Have fun at Zumba!

  205.  #205Annie on September 24, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    How Dating And Flirting – Even If You’re IN A Relationship – Help You Stop Hurting

    Allana Pratt, the Sexy Mom Expert (and I know her and love her and she truly is a wonderful coach…) wrote a comment about my Circular Dating as Healing post – you can read her whole comment here->

    Allana asked me a question – basically about the concept of taking a “break” from dating to heal…

    For the most part, she encourages Circular Dating, but if a woman has a strong addiction to men who are awful for her, and is feeling terrible about herself, Allana asks her to stop dating entirely for about a month. During that month, her client goes through pretty much the pain of “withdrawal” from the addiction and then is able to return to “conscious dating” from a much better place.

    Allana asked what I thought and about my own experiences as a coach – and here it is… (I’m going to be doing an entire new program around Breakup Rescue and Healing Your Heart – what this is all about – so I’m just going to touch on this here…)

    In my experience, just like men – we are either the kind of person who launches ourselves into action and goes out dancing the moment we hit heartache, or we’re the kind of person who sits at home with the TV and a gallon of ice cream night after night.

    Some of us are party girls, like the celebrities we follow in the news, and some of us hide ourselves away.

    But it’s the same thing going on. It might look different – if we go out partying, we’re trying to distract ourselves from the pain of our heartaches, our addictions and frustrations and all the old traumas and old patterns that are running us in an unconscious way.

    If we sit home and cry, we’re still following some old patterns of coping – sinking into the hopeless “what ifs” and “if onlyies.”

    If we go out to seminars and workshops hoping to heal ourselves by doing group work that SHOULD be meaningful and helpful, we often feel our pain even MORE than if we just go to the nearest Starbucks for coffee.

    It’s not what we DO that’s important. It’s how we USE what happens inside and outside us when we do it. It’s about bumping up against our old icky “stuff” – the deeply painful and terrifying feelings we’ve buried our whole lives – and transforming the “energy” of the feelings – just by EXPERIENCING them- even a little.

    With a talented coach like Allana, you would be walked and supported through doing this and get great results – wherever you are.

    So – the question is – what should you CHOOSE to DO while you’re bumping up against old horrible feelings? How should you CHOOSE to TRIGGER yourself – to Trigger the bumping up against these deeply buried and powerful feelings?

    Should you choose to take baths and do yoga in your living room, and read and meditate? Should you do only the necessary things – marketing, the dry cleaners, work, driving the kids around, paying your bills, cleaning and de-cluttering and decorating your home?

    Or should you get yourself on an online dating site or go to Speed Dating events or go to dance classes, lectures, group hikes, acting classes – places where there might be MEN? Should you accept a coffee date even though the man who’s asking you looks just like the one who just broke your heart and treated you like a second-class woman?

    These are the questions Allana is talking about, and here’s my short answer:

    When you’re working to shift the way you’ve been your whole life, there’s a pattern:

    1. Something happens. It can happen with or without your choosing, with or without your action. In the course of your day, you may see even the smallest thing – a bug, or a tree, or a picture…or smell a perfume or some food…or so many things you might come in contact with…and that something that happens will…

    2. …Trigger you. This means you will have an emotional, physical and mental REACTION. You will feel something. And then that feeling will trigger some thoughts, and those thoughts will lead to other feelings. And almost all the time – the feelings and thoughts that are triggered, the ones that show up and take you over for a moment, an hour, a day, a week – are the SAME exact feelings and thoughts that ALWAYS come up when the same thing happens.

    This Triggering is an automatic reaction based on old traumas and fears…and it can be mixed in with a perfectly healthy, “normal” reaction to something real – For instance, someone in a restaurant walks by you and suddenly drops a tray full of glasses. They crash to the ground. You jump out of your seat, your heart pounding.

    Part of this reaction was instinctive about the threat that just happened in reality – you heard glass crash, you were startled and instinctively moved to get away from the flying glass and the noise.

    And part of this reaction might have been a replay of your reaction when a loud noise and crashing sound happened to you BEFORE.

    To your brain and body – it doesn’t matter if it’s really happening or if it’s just happening as an automatic response. Your mind and body believe, for that moment, that it’s real. And if you’re like me – the experience of this can ‘bum you out” all evening. The old feeling takes you over, puts you in a “mood.”

    Or – a man can say or do something that sets you off – perhaps feeling chemically, powerfully attracted to him and nervous, or makes you feel dismissed and angry and hurt…and that can just be the same thing you’ve experienced over and over and over again.

    What’s important here is:

    3. What you do when you get triggered – do you avoid and resist the painful feelings, or do you sink into them and go THROUGH them to the other side?

    If you RESIST, nothing will change within you internally. You will reinforce your stuck place, AND you will feel even MORE pain – because the pain is in the Resistance.

    If you choose to SINK INTO the feelings and go through them (The way I walk you through in many of my programs…) you will then need to…

    4. …Rest. You have to rest because your body, mind, spirit and heart will be Regrouping and Reorganizing. Resting, Regrouping and Reorganizing takes the time it takes, and each of us has to learn to get in touch with how this part of the cycle works.

    Now…here’s where you get to decide some things:

    5. How do you choose to go through this process of Something Happening, Getting Triggered, and Resting? Do you wish to be ACTIVE or PASSIVE about getting triggered?

    In other words, do you want to PUSH yourself forward, or do you want to SIT BACK and see what happens?

    No matter what – SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN. You WILL get triggered. The only difference is in what YOU CHOOSE to get triggered by, and how active and specific you want to be.

    NOT doing something is not RESTING. Even if you lock yourself in at home, you will get Triggered. You will go through the cycles over and over again every time you THINK of something that triggers you.

    And here’s where curing an addiction to love and certain kinds of men differs from curing an addiction to alcohol or drugs. We know what a drug is. We know what alcohol is. You know when you go into a bar there will be alcohol there. You know when you go to a party with the old friends you used to do drugs with – there will be drugs there. And you know what those drugs look like.

    You can say yes or no to something concrete. But men are different. It takes skill and practice to tell a man who’s a bad drug from a man who’s a good guy. It takes practice getting in touch with your own feelings. Living is an art. And like the art of acting or music, you cannot learn how to be with men without practicing. Without actually DOING the acting scenes and playing the music.

    Tiger Woods could not redo his entire golf swing (a major, major undertaking) without practicing the new swing over and over and over again – and experiencing how drawn he would be to the old swing. Staying away from his golf clubs would not have helped, because the response in his body to picking up a golf club is to swing it in a certain, old way. He has to retrain his body to swing.

    And most all women have been swinging wrong. What we consider “dating” and relationship can actually be, as Allana had said here also – an addiction, and not relationship at all. We have taught ourselves to NOT be authentic and NOT to feel in the presence of a man.

    So – we can either go to work, the market, and stay home (and this is all after the “Rest” period – which could take anywhere from hours to days – and your Rest and Regroup and Reorganization process will go faster and faster every time you go through these cycles if you go INTO the feelings instead of RESIST them)-

    – Or you can force yourself to get Triggered in both – yes – ARTIFICIAL situations (Speed Dating, Online Dating) – and also organic situations (lectures and workshops and classes and stores that interest YOU, and feel good to YOU), and use ALL those situations to use my Tools and my Flirting and Circular Dating techniques to learn – as fast as you can – while still HONORING your need to REST.

    In other words – Dating and Circular Dating is Free Therapy. This is not about “distracting” yourself from your pain and hurt. This is not about finding your dream man.

    What this is about is working through your addictions in the presence of the drug, until you learn which man will ENCOURAGE your addiction – and which man will help you detox, so you know which to avoid and which to let in.

    This is on-the-job training. This is learn-as-you-go. This has nothing to do with finding Mr. Right. This has everything to do with helping YOU feel Right with YOU.

    And from there – you can have EVERYTHING you want.

    We can talk more and more about this, and about what “Resting” uniquely means for you, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

    Love, Rori

  206.  #206Daria on September 24, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    hmm i feel compelled to say this and also compelled to get it out

    i will try it out and see how i feel, plus hey, it’s Rori’s blog and Rori’s tools so it might help some to hear it:

    Rori encourages CDing RIGHT AWAY after a breakup and NOT taking ‘time out.’ The faster one gets into CDing, the better and faster healing comes. A lot of pain many women feel obligated to, can get avoided and healed fast this way.

    She also encourages CDing for women who consider themselves in a relationship, but is not fully what they want

    She encourages CDing with real men whenever possible, CDing oneself as a babystep to get to that

  207.  #207Daria on September 24, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    oops i meant also compelled to write it and also compelled not to.

  208.  #208ruth on September 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Goddess Lily-i guess its a milder version of pist

  209.  #209MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm


    Good to hear. It may be hard and feel sad but it’s good. Open is so much better than closed. A huge step in a positive direction no matter the outcome.

  210.  #210Siren Angel on September 24, 2012 at 4:42 pm


    Thank you for sharing that article.

  211.  #211Daria on September 24, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    “Happiness is experiencing, changing, growing, living fully, being in the present, knowing we are not alone, not abandoned and not unheard.”

    Carolina Gonzalez

  212.  #212Daria on September 24, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    hmm actually i feel kinda ‘dead’

    i intend to go into my feelings next time

    Sorry Daria

  213.  #213Annie on September 24, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    What happened with his drining Lilibee?

    In what way did you try to control?

  214.  #214Goddess Lily on September 24, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    The Universe thinks she’s funny. So not too many hours ago I posted that I was reconsidering my ex even though I haven’t wanted him once since we broke up. Why did he just now call to ask me to a movie……you know before his reward points expire? Lol

    He sounded scared to ask. I asked. Turns out he was. I wasn’t very sireny but I still felt powerful. I wanted to say MAN UP AND COME AFTER ME, but I didn’t. That’s not my usual styIe, it just sounds fun. I chose to go on this date, I will practice the tools and see if I can’t outgirl him. Sometimes he is feminine energy and it makes me feel a little sick.

  215.  #215MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 5:10 pm


    I do feel kind of annoyed reading some posts today. The article reminds me to pay attention to triggers. I do not need to go out on “dates” with men to do this. Uhh yes and I can’t forget that I already did a 6 month period of CDing. During which I met G. He has offered me more commitment than I even want, or wanted at the time, or needed.

    I guess I feel annoyed because I feel confused. Like…I would gladly CD. However, I am in an exclusive relationship where I have always considered myself to be the one being “asked” to commit. Not doing the asking…

    We CD until we get the comittment we require to become exclusive. But what happens when not only is the comittment there, but it’s MORE than you require…

    In my life I have a man. A good one. To the core. There are blips and blurbs. He has shown a temper. I have shown difficulties in communicating. It is a STRUGGLE sometimes. But I am more convinced than ever that we are GOOD for each other. Like…Really deeply and profoundly good.I would go so far as to say we met for a reason. I could not, would not be where I am right now without him triggering me to DEATH :p and then working with me to build it back up, stronger, taller, more solid every single time. I can not say if we will stay together forever…

    I don’t even know what is confusing to me anymore.

    I know what’s right. I thank you for showing me!

    I would like to remain exclusively within a relationship that only gets BETTER each time it gets rough.

  216.  #216MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Omgosh I just had a memory of one of my CD’s. Awww he was sweet 🙂 And he had a way of getting me to talk. I met G, and dating them overlapped a bit, and I felt sad when I told him I became exclusive with someone else.

    I remember telling him we could be friends and he is the only man who has ever said to me “I don’t want to be only your friend”. But he ended up adding me to FB about a year later, and we chat a bit occasionally.((((Him))))

  217.  #217MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Goddess lily

    :p I don’t know if I should lol at your post, but I did!

    Have fun on the date regardless 😀

  218.  #218Daria on September 24, 2012 at 5:42 pm


    i feel amused

    and scared



    I’ll keep practicing for you



    funny yes

    funny over … angry?


    i love your scared feelings

    i love your angry feelings

    i love your laughy feelings

    not safe


    i love your not safe feelings

    ‘look at what those people are doing!’


    hmm what do we feel?



    panic frustration powerless



    unpaid atention to



    awwww (((Daria)))

    i see you



    i love your sadness

    smily pleased yawny


    i love your smily pleased yawny


    yes we think we will see them ‘hurt’


    brace up, we know the plot

    funny haha they’re gonna crashhhh

    scared numb

    i love your scared numb

    im so sorry


    what if it meant we’re healing?


    i love your sad


    i love your frustrated


    i love yoru powerless



    theres so many other things to look at!

    we dont have to watch that movie


    heart hurts

    i love your heart hurt

    im so sorry 🙁

    im here for you while you feel heart hurt


    i love your 🙁


    i love your anger

    super anger

    i love your super anger

    its super!

  219.  #219Daria on September 24, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    as far as what searching for in men, its not security

    its coolness

    omg i want to be cool so bad!!!!!1

    jeez just freakin just have something to point to like there, that makes me cool

    my brothers used to mmake me cool

    now they’re practically gone

    so now im like, FUchk i have no proof of my coolness

    i still have some cool stuff, but not enough

    i want to be Wanted by people and invited to cool events

    thats what i want

    thats what i wanted from my hs boyfriend

    what i wanted from guywho

    and from Transformer CD

    UGH i just want that damn magnificent coolness


    i want to heal this im not cool enough left out trauma

    freakin middle school

    an before that, probably w my parents


  220.  #220Daria on September 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    seems like this is the hugest wound in the world

    and i will never get over it

    but i know i will 🙂

    ive gotten over lots of ish like

    becoming attractive to men damn if i could do that i can do ANYTHING

    way to go Daria

    i want to heal this already Now

    i feel impatient

    i intend to heal this

    when i say that i feel TERRIFIED and numb

    and thats totally ok!

    i love my terror and numbness!!1


    yayyyyy i can FEEL!

  221.  #221Daria on September 24, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    ” Femininewoman says:

    A smart man is a man who knows when he has a good woman to do his best to keep her happy and at his side. A smart man is a man who works on healing himself so he has successful relationships. Book smarts/success can be achieved at any time in life. Is my humble opinion.”

    Damn that was dope

  222.  #222luzydel on September 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I am in love!

  223.  #223luzydel on September 24, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Lately I have been feeling like I am in love; I can’t explain it just those butterflies in my tummy and I am all smiley and feeling happy and I have been having those dreams of that man kissing me on my neck and my cheeks. Then I feel I am i love; I can’t explain it, I just feel it and I am not even dating anyone…

  224.  #224Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Daria you are too funny.

  225.  #225Daria on September 24, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    i can have the happiness i want

    maybe its not by impressing these everchanging ‘fly’ people

    but how, then

    how can i offer myself flyness and community and companionship

    i felt sadness. ‘boring’ came up


    i hang out by myself P:ENTY

    maybe im just a couple tweaks away



    how can i do these things when they seem to require other people?

    i haven’t gotten that yet

    i feel very confused

    i can make sure my clothes ALWAYS look fly

    im kinda far from that…

    my clothes occasionaly look fly – to me

    and sometimes look not so fly

    and im kinda proud of that

    but maybe its time to change that

    ALWAYS look impeccably fly

    omg i feel overwhelmed thinkng of this


    i donat wannanaaaa whine

    /i can keep attending events by myself



    i feel so frustrateddddddd

    sometimes when i do attend events by myself,

    i just wind up feeling again like the left out loner hanging out by the wall

    i feel so awkward and left out

    and yes i meet people… but…

    i still feel that adrenaliney panic feeling

    i know if i sing and dance i will get people wanting to be around me

    maybe this IS my way

    it feels annoying to do it for others

    but maybe thats just a trick universe is doing to get me to do it for me

    cuz i really enjoy it


    so i can get myself studio time on my own then?


    yes, i CAN do that

    i CAN ask for studio time

    and even pay money for it if necessary

    and i do have at least 1 song that i can def record

    WOW cool!

  226.  #226luzydel on September 24, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    More than being with someone I want to feel good! all happy; giggly and feel in love; just feel it, it doesn’t have to be attached to a specific man….

  227.  #227MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 6:10 pm



  228.  #228Femininewoman on September 24, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Re 225 Woohoo

  229.  #229Miss Bells on September 24, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Calypso!!! Wonderful news. It feels good to hear of a mother whose son is healed.

  230.  #230Daria on September 24, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    FeminineWoman – hehe thanks 🙂

  231.  #231Miss Bells on September 24, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    I am very sure I am getting offline from the dating sites– but I AM open to meeting men.
    I had lunch with the only person who showed up for the book festival meetup besides me. A very nice man. We spent the middle part of the day on Saturday and had lunch and a lovely conversation.
    He is calling me tonight.
    I am very outgoing and get out there in real time fairly constantly. I am definitely open!
    And it does make a difference.

  232.  #232Daria on September 24, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    i guess after all coolness does symbolize security to me!


    security and fun?

    or just security

    but security can feel boring and constraininh

    this is the security that i like

    the security that now i can be ME

    show off all my talents cuz im protected form judgements



  233.  #233Ulii on September 24, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Feels good to read about your son, Calypso. 🙂

  234.  #234Daria on September 24, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Miss Bells – nice!

    mmm hmmgh i don’t know how to say this in any way…
    i feel all squirmy! so dont anyone read this if you dont want my thoughts on online dating

    lol. cuz i think not wanting to be on dating sites is an idicative of not being fully open

    otherwise Why would someone not want to be on a dating site where they have to have no effort to be out there and have men find them

    i understand not liking them, or maybe not crazy about the men there, even not checking them often, but taking down profiles is more than that

    there would be no reason to do that as i see, if it wasnt about being closed off in some way

    nonetheless, meeting men Any kind of way is a great babystep!

  235.  #235Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    My date was really good. Everything was good, even the movie. I missed him a lot. I am thinking to call him and I am still scared.

  236.  #236Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    I feel worried about him.

  237.  #237Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    What if he is really sick and I am not even asking what’s wrong. Or he is running from me

  238.  #238Ulii on September 24, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I’ve had one of the most amazing days. My muscles & head are hurting, but I still feel great.

    I did something I would have never imagined doing only few days ago. Like I have overcome some really basic fears I have had. Like I have opened up and allowed myself to be vulnerable.

    I posed for some artistic nude pictures.

    They were taken by a really good and respected professional came to this town for giving a photography course & some of his photography students. My photographer friend was one of them. I got the chance to be “the model”, as somebody else had not been able to show up & I was introduced & found to be ok to substitute the orginal one. 🙂

    I was so nervous, I didn´t sleep almost the night before. I felt terrified about it, but at same time thrilled. And really worried my photographer friend will see me naked. I have been sensing him liking me lately, romantically. So I´ll call him PhotoCD. 🙂


    I was not too sure about really doing it to the last minute. But then the old good professional man got everybody out of the room, gave me some good wine (11 AM) & just talked to me. And suddenly I felt ready to do it.

    I had the first half an hour only with him, doing most amazing looking pictures. By every minute I felt more relaxed and started to enjoy the photoshoot. By the time he let in the students & PhotoCD I was already feeling so good, that I was not nervous at all about him (or others) seeing me.

    My other issue has been some toenails with fungus that has been hard to treat and is still showing. So I have been really ashamed of showing my feet to anyone, more so to any man. And now I was just there naked taking poses, standing up, sitting down, lying on the floor even. And my toenails could be seen as well. I didn´t forgot about it totally, but I let myself be free even with that esthetical problem. And nobody seemed to get alarmed.

    So at the end…..I felt so good & beautiful & free & vulnerable at the same time. Like almost wanting to cry.

    I think this is one of the “milestones” for me. I surprised myself today.

  239.  #239Ulii on September 24, 2012 at 7:15 pm


    I believe if a man can send a sms saying he is sick…he is not really that sick. Men can be quite whiny about their sickness (even if it´s little bit). It sounds rather like an excuse.

    Sorry.. I have missed some of the story since yesterday, so maybe I´m missing some development here…

  240.  #240Ulii on September 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    @ memulo

    And also…he might be running too. But in that case, you can only lean back. I would not ask him anything.

  241.  #241Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Ulii you don’t want to read the development, believe me. I know he can get sick. I don’t know why he would tell me 3 hours later.

  242.  #242Daria on September 24, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    wow Ulii i feel mindblown. That is truly fantastic

  243.  #243Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Or he is upset with me and my silence is only breaking everything between us

  244.  #244Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Or will I be calling so that he can break up with me

  245.  #245MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 7:37 pm


    Pull back. Stop creating imaginary feelings or thoughts for this guy. It’s a bottomless pit! Continue focusing on your own feelings.

  246.  #246Ulii on September 24, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    So… a little continuation to the story.

    About PhotoCD.

    I know him for a long time already, but it´s just recently we have been in touch again. (He looked up from Facebook I had got back to Spain.) And we have seen eachother 3-4 times related to him wanting to take some photos of me, later taking them, and later in the opening of the exhibition where some of the pictures were shown & today…

    And he has been like a good friend. But also showing an increasing interest in me. He rememebers all I have told him, comes to pick me up at the train station, opens doors for me & does different little things for me & also is telling me all the time how beautiful I am & while being with a group of people he´s always looking to be standing & sitting close to me. But until today it had not crossed any friend line.

    So today, after the photoshoot… we had lunch all together with the people who participated in the course. And after that there was a siesta relax time, so we were sitting on the couch in the photo studio. He sit really close to me & start really gently caressing my hair and my arms & my fingers. Some time ago my usual reaction would be getting nervous & pull (if not jump) away from him. As he is still only a friend to me &I don´t feel all this “chemistry” with him. But..also maybe after this really special day experience…I felt all different and unusual. I stopped to feel that touch and I liked it. So I let him continue caressing me.

    I really loved his touch. I had been missing this, since I had not been physically touched by any man after UnavailableCD already over a month ago.

    And he told me how much he likes me already long time ago.

    Then he kissed me. And I let him do that too. Not bad at all. 🙂
    Quite good kissing actually.

    And (among other things) he said:” You seem to be the girl who likes that things are done for her. :)”.. I said “Yes, you got it right..” 🙂
    And him: ” Well, I want to do everything for you.”


    Then I accompanied me to the train station (I live in another town). And while we were waiting for the train & standing there…It was strange. I really felt first time I get this leaning back position Rori teaches. Maybe it´s the first time my body felt so realxed and open & also it was just that “feeling good but relaxed” with him, not over the top “excited”…Soof course he pulled me close and hugged & kissed me again.

    And I left to the train & feeling really unattached to the outcome, but open to receiving the positive from this man. 🙂 A big difference from my usual fight or flight mode.

  247.  #247MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    It has to be about you. Even if it is a direct action of his, it has to come down to how you feel. About the action. Or in-action. And how you feel. Not about the man or WHY he did or didn’t, or what’s going on with him. It is about how you feel. And if a man can’t handle that and wants to “break up” with you…Well then he’s barely man enough to warrant attention. But the truth is, that’s unlikely! Men are attracted to this. They respect it, and are compelled to do good by a woman who is in touch with her feelings in a blame free and authentic way.

    You might as well start practicing now!

  248.  #248Ulii on September 24, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    @ Daria 241

    🙂 Me too. Thanks. I actually was thinking about you today during the photoshoot & later. Your open vulnerability has been an inspiration.

  249.  #249Ulii on September 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    @ Memulo

    I´m with what Miss Stix says here in 244 & 246.

  250.  #250LiliBee on September 24, 2012 at 7:56 pm


    Thank You for your encouragement MissStix.
    I feel supported 🙂

  251.  #251MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 8:07 pm



  252.  #252LiliBee on September 24, 2012 at 8:08 pm



    He was having fun drinking in the afternoon.

    I said “Do you need AA? We’ve been sitting here drinking all afternoon and we have a party to go to where we’ll be sitting and drinking all evening.”

    I’ve expressed this in a good way once before:
    “We’re having so much fun with you, you’re so funny.
    I want it to last.
    Your speech is getting slurred and you have trouble walking straight.
    We just don’t want to lose you early, we want to keep you entertaining us.”

    That time he had stopped right there, and said to me the next morning “You did the right thing.”

    The problem this time, I was coming off as controlling, and some nosey person stretched out their ears to listen and heard my remarks.
    They asked and I said “Well, we have a long party night ahead.”
    He must have felt embarassed that someone else heard me trying to tell him what to do.

    I don’t feel good with a man that doesn’t know when to taper it down.
    I could have shut up and just drove.
    But I don’t like finishing the night with him barely able to walk to the car.
    It has happened 2x before, and every time he has felt embarassed by his behaviour and had stopped drinking so much on his own.

  253.  #253LiliBee on September 24, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Well, I have been cd’ing men at work since a few months already.

    I’ve been practicing just being open and letting them get close.
    It doesn’t feel so scary anymore.
    I’ve also been practicing listening and being in the moment.
    Now the trick is, as per Rori in Reconnecting your Relationship, pretending the ‘relationship potential’ man is one of those men I cd.
    Pretending he is 1 of those men with who I have no attachment to the outcome.

  254.  #254Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Usually I am pretty sure that leaning back is the right way to go. But this time I feel like something almost physically breaking since I am silent. It hurts so much. But now it’s way too late to call

  255.  #255MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 8:23 pm


    I have so much to look forward to! My birthday is coming up, and I have party plans on saturday with old friends. A combo birthday for 3 of us. I get to see one of my oldest and bestest friends! I am jump up and down excited as I have not seen him in ferrever!!!

    I don’t work friday and i’ll be at home so I will take myself out on a date thursday night. Nothing fancy, but my girl wants to drive over the new bridge and go to farmland to go star gazing mmmm and then maybe up the mountain to gaze upon the city. Ohhh or maybe i’ll try to find a good place to shoot a cityscape at night! mmmhmm. Stoked. 🙂

    I gotta find a pair of boots (bday gift from G) too so shopping friday…Yes please! mmmm shoe shopping! 🙂 And I bought myself 2 gorgeous shirts for my gift to me. I will wear one of them to the party on sat, with the boots! A deep coral lace, kinda flowy, tight at the hips and off the shoulder. yummy!

    It’s gonna be a good week 🙂

  256.  #256Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Yay MissStix!

  257.  #257MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 8:26 pm


    It’s not even all about leaning back anymore. You can’t lean forward with this energy regardless, but you have to take the laser focus off of him for a while. It will not harm him, trust us.

  258.  #258LiliBee on September 24, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    D’s opening up about his true feelings, about him being honest, did something for me.

    I’m having a challenge describing how I feel about it.

    Something about it, makes me to stop and really listen.

    Something about it, inspires me to respect him.
    I see him differently…I see him taller.
    I see him as more manly.

    We have to express it when we want more of the good stuff.
    So, how would I express this in a FM?

  259.  #259MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    It will be good for all involved…

  260.  #260Memulo on September 24, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    On the other hand, I called without leaving a vm and then texted a nice message at 6:20 and I think he was on the phone when I called because I heard it ring twice and then went to vm. I heard back that he is sick at 9pm. Omg I should have called today and it’s so late now, I can’t call anymore

  261.  #261LiliBee on September 24, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Speaking of taking the laser focus off:

    Zumba felt great and fun tonight 🙂

    It makes me feel so good and gives me something to look forward to that is all my own, no men…except for the hot eyecandy instructor.
    I go 2x a week.

    Last week during the 2 classes, I noticed how my body felt stiff and tight.
    I had D on my mind the whole time.

    Tonight, I was able to focus on me and my body.
    I felt more relaxed, my body felt it and my face felt it.
    I noticed how my body felt more supple, looser and lighter.
    I tried to focus on keeping my hands open for the entire choreographies, putting myself in receiving mode.
    I received warm and friendly attention from both instructors.

    I felt satisfied with my workout.
    I left feeling relaxed and energized.

    Off to bed I go. Goodnight sirens.

  262.  #262LiliBee on September 24, 2012 at 8:38 pm


    I’m enjoying reading your good vibes MissStix 🙂

  263.  #263MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 8:45 pm


    Maybe something like…

    I felt a little bit awed to watch you say what you’re truely thinking and feeling. It felt a little scary to hear it, but I felt attracted to the openness!


  264.  #264MissStix on September 24, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Thanks lilibee! Same back atcha!!! Goodnight 🙂

  265.  #265Miss Bells on September 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Interesting weekend. I had no plans with HS. On Saturday I had lunch with a very nice guy from MeetUp. Then, just as I was about to head south on the bus (still no car) HS texted me. He doesn’t text normally, and this one was pretty mangled. So I called him back. he was down in my new town at a music thing. I told him I was in HIS town, so he picked me up.
    We had a nice dinner and a movie.
    I knew he had planned to go to the car races (not my cup of tea anyhow) so I planned to go the the clothing exchange. It was great. But–I was still a bus rider and the busses are sparse on Sunday–and I wanted to go to a show featuring some musicians from Portland in the evening. I set it up to get a ride to my friend’s house after.
    BUT– while I was scarfing a taco HS called me again–he thought I had just gone back to HIS house, otherwise known as home–without him inviting me. He picked me up again. He let me take the car to the show–he was too tired or he would have come along…
    Then we watched a movie.
    This morning he made me an omelette, and we stopped at Best Buy to look at computers (for him, his is dying) and then he took me and several of my boxes to my house. He stayed for lunch, and sat on the wrap around porch with me. A neighborhood cat came and sat on his lap.
    We were talking about when we first got together. The sex. How he ran to Eugene right after, but came back after a month, and that was how we started living together.
    I walked him to the car. He hugged me, kissed me. I said–You know–I have plenty of friends–we are better as lovers–we were great as lovers—I just don’t want to be shut out again after—I could live here and not be shut out or I could be right in the house with you and be shut out…what do you think? then I changed the subject– Are you gonna buy that computer?… He kissed me again and we talked about nothing for a minute.
    He DID buy it and called me back to tell me and see if I could share my word package.
    I am glad I said what I said. He doesn’t appear to be running away–I also didn’t make a mountainous deal out of it. And he is KISSING me again.-Not quite sexy kisses yet but leaning that way. We’ll see.

  266.  #266sunshine on September 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    I just saw the comedy Anger Management..and well I feel really angry because I can relate. I usually feel angry only after I reflect on a situation but not during the situation. I have been practicing feelings and verbalizing them and I feel like Im improving but sometimes I still feel stifled and stuck and I convince myself that its not really that bad and to “choose my battles” but when I think about it I feel enraged too bad its days after. I wish I could accept my anger at the moment but I feel stuck.

  267.  #267Heart on September 24, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    Siren – CuddleyGrinch told me about a spot to meet up to go to he place he reserved to hang out….I wrote him and told him ok I should be able to find it and that I’ll meet him there.

    But he never responded to the email….that was yesterday. Should I meet him or not?
    I feel irritated. I feel like maybe I should go to the spot.

  268.  #268Heart on September 24, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Wait no I mean to say: I feel like Maybe I should not go to the spot.

  269.  #269Miss Bells on September 24, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    I would probably not go if it were me.
    He should have sent you at least a line–“see you then” or something.

  270.  #270Heart on September 24, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    #268 Miss Bells – yup I agree ….But gosh I feel so bad to just not go…what if he goes? I want to write and tell him I feel confused about what to do….I feel guilty about not being nice …
    But I’m not going to do Anything.
    It’s not my job to make anything happen.
    I feel sad. I feel excited by this Bold new way. Wow I am realljust potentially standing him up.

  271.  #271mary on September 24, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Hello Daria,

    What did you mean by this?

    #136 “women who don’t CD when its called for (not in committed relationships, or relationships where there is bad behavior from the man) seem to stay around the same level of healing – FOR YEARS!!!”

    What did you mean about the committed relationships, or the relationships where there is bad behavior from the man?



  272.  #272Heart on September 24, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    I’m feeling super guilty…Im picturing CudG standing at the spot waiting for me…*eeek
    Why didn’t u message me back?

  273.  #273Heart on September 24, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    Wow….I cant believe Im not Going….LOL
    omg Sirens….I feel so mean…
    I figure he just didnt respond cuz he thought the plans were onfirmed…
    He will hate me ….
    Shouldnt I message him and say something?

  274.  #274Heart on September 24, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    Ok So I’m not writing anything…And I’m not going to go.
    If he does go then its a good lesson for CuddleyGrinch to learn.
    Im going to find some stuff to do now and take my mind off it.

  275.  #275Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 12:38 am

    Memulo ,

    I am going to tell you a story.

    In the past when I was obsessing about a man i was overfunctioning with who clearly didnt want a relationship with me , a girlfriend helped me immeasurably.

    At first she helped by listening and hearing my feelings. Then she REALLY helped by refusing to discuss him again. She would gently change the subject every time I tried to bring it back to him.

    She short circuited my round and round talking and thinking. I got over him faster.

    I learned that listening and giving advice and rehashing over and over and over again is unhealthy and that the best friends refuse to be drawn in.

    The best support that a friend can give is to ignore, redirect , distract and refuse to go there with you.

    So, I am noticing a lot of sirens from yesterday and today have stopped giving you advice and comments in response to your ongoing repeated questions and rehashing and round and round thinking.

    I am noticing you have a lot of supportive friends on the blog who understand that refusing to be drawn into this drama is the best way of helping you. This feels really positive and wholesome and caring . What do you think?

  276.  #276Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 12:41 am

    Heart , I have found men are less repetetive than women when it comes to arrangeements and directions. Maybe its because we are seeking extra reassurance?
    I find men just say it once. They consider yes is yes and dont need to reconfirm it .

  277.  #277Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 12:44 am

    I have found this tough when it comes to dates . If they suggest it days in advance and then say they will ring to confirm..they can leave it till the last minute and still dont get that we want to know the details a day before. After all, we said yes already.

    I see this in my young adult sons. They are highly intelligent , educated, polite and charming, BUT they are just naturally casual about details once an arrangement is made for something a few days ahead.
    I am educating them that women are different and feel better with reassurance and confirmation.

  278.  #278Heart on September 25, 2012 at 12:52 am

    Sirenty – gosh….ill just write and tell him i cant make it then…

  279.  #279Tam on September 25, 2012 at 12:54 am

    277, yes Heart, to be fair from his text/email I got the feeling that all was arranged…

  280.  #280Heart on September 25, 2012 at 12:55 am

    i just told him that since I did not hear back I’m not going to head to the meeting place. I feel ok…

  281.  #281Heart on September 25, 2012 at 12:57 am

    Tam – I feel that way too….but it feels awkward without and “ok – see you” ….or some kind of reconfirmation…

  282.  #282Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 1:16 am

    Phew..i feel relieved for you Heart.
    I find this annoying about men , but a consistent trait for most i know 🙂

  283.  #283Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 1:19 am

    I agree with Sirenity

  284.  #284Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 1:21 am

    Maybe ” I felt awkward not hearing again from you about our arrangements. I guess i am just a girl here and I feel a bit anxious around confirming arrangements .I dont want to let you down but It would feel reassuring to know you got my ok message and things were going ahead. “

  285.  #285Heart on September 25, 2012 at 1:27 am

    Ms.Bells, Sirenity, FW, Tam – Thank you Sirens for the advice. I’ll express the awkwardness to CudG. I just don’t feel like meting him when I feel uncertain. I want to get ready and go out feel Sireny and happy…not scared I get stood up or wondering why he didnt reply.
    If he’s not pissed….I hope to hang out with him soon.

  286.  #286Heart on September 25, 2012 at 2:01 am

    He said he thought we were meeting and we should still meet…but meh…I dont feel like going …it takes me a while to get ready so I feel really rushed…The reservation is in ann hour and I feel emotionally drained And I ate a lot of chocolates…what should i do?

  287.  #287Heart on September 25, 2012 at 2:04 am

    its in 40 mins actually…

  288.  #288Heart on September 25, 2012 at 2:07 am

    there is no way I can get ready and get there in that time…Ok so Im going to use FMs and say what I want…
    yeah this is fun.

  289.  #289Heart on September 25, 2012 at 2:20 am

    Well actually he didnt say to we should still meet – he said to email him if im late…huh? I hope he doesnt think im still going….Im going to message him and be sweet and open to another day.. Catastrophe avoided.

  290.  #290Annie on September 25, 2012 at 2:21 am

    Tears are rolling down my face from the fart story.

  291.  #291Annie on September 25, 2012 at 2:29 am

    274: Sirenity Yes .


  292.  #292Heart on September 25, 2012 at 2:35 am

    CudG. is giving me a pissed off vibe.
    Im going to think about HoundCD instead! ….lol.
    CudG you’re Inconsistent! You give and then act Flaky!
    I always feel special and then I feel stupid when dealing with you!
    I need a man who can Row the boat…not fence with the oars.

    That felt good to get out.
    Im going to do some stuff for work.

  293.  #293Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 2:36 am

    I loved the fart story too..
    Giggled all the way to work.

  294.  #294Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 2:39 am

    Heart I would feel peed off too if I thought we had a date. I feel bad for him. He just wanted to be with gorgeous you !

    This reminds me to be very clear about arrangements with men when they first suggest a date.

    Also, it is fine to text a request for confirmation ..”are we on then?”

  295.  #295Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 2:52 am

    I didn’t sleep almost at all

  296.  #296Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 2:55 am

    Maybe it’s that I invited him to meet my friends and he started running

  297.  #297Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 2:55 am

    Or maybe he is sick? He can actually get quite sick

  298.  #298Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 2:57 am

    If I decide to call is it too late.. should have done last night

  299.  #299Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 2:58 am

    I still feel scared and as if I am breaking something. Not him but me

  300.  #300Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 2:59 am

    I don’t like texting confirmations btw

  301.  #301Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:00 am

    I am the worst actually. Other sirens slip and do something against the rules and move on. They don’t get as many comments as I do for sure:) I just feel terrible and don’t do anything

  302.  #302Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:02 am

    In this relationship I never tried to save anything. Never, I wanted it to go on of course but I never tried to do it

  303.  #303Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 3:02 am

    Hi Memulo..what are your plans for the day?

  304.  #304Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:03 am

    in the past when he got sick he always disappeared.

  305.  #305Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:04 am

    I need to go to work and actually do something. Then have dinner and tonight Yom Kippur starts

  306.  #306Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 3:06 am

    well I hope that concentrating on work will feel good .
    I am already thinking of sleep here.

  307.  #307Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:07 am

    It is very strange if to think about it. He contacted me first, he called, then he called twice, confirmed I am free for the evening, then texted he wanted evening and I accepted. Maybe he really is sick?

    Maybe this is worth a conversation, not a silent treatment

  308.  #308Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:07 am

    Where are you Sirenity?

  309.  #309Heart on September 25, 2012 at 3:11 am

    #293 Sirenity – Awwwwr (^_^) thats a really sweet way to look at it.

    True concerning clear communication -…or you could just not go when they dont follow up and you end up feeling anxious…It might help them to be more considerate? Maybe…Regardless it’s not my job to train a guy…I’m just going to keep finding my feelings and acting + communicating in a way that makes my insides feel more fluid.

  310.  #310Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 3:11 am

    I am in Australia Mem.
    Its Spring time , and i was feeling great over the weekend but have had some hospital treatment and now all my joints are really aching and inflamed …uggh..pain typing.

  311.  #311Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 3:13 am

    I like the ‘fluid insides” Heart. I dont think we need to train men. I think this is a perfect opportunity for a feeling message which might help both feel better .

  312.  #312Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:14 am

    Oh Sirenity, hope you feel better!

  313.  #313Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 3:16 am

    Thank you Mem. Sometimes I feel so tired of my health issues and wonder how I can keep doing it over and over , but then something shifts and I enjoy something special like family or flowers or my boys and ..voila! Better immediately.

  314.  #314Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Spring will bring you lots of flowers!

  315.  #315MS on September 25, 2012 at 3:36 am

    I am new to this blog but it’s been a godsend to me. I’ve realised in past relationships I was always the one chasing, I’m independent and I guess I like to be in control. I’m currently in a situation where he’s gone into his cave, and I know he has work as well as family (parents’ health) pressures right now. We haven’t been right for months so I guess I knew something would have to happen for us to move on or break up. We’ve had a conversation where I’ve said I couldn’t be ‘just friends’ and where he’s said he can’t imagine his life without me in it – and then disappeared into his cave. I’ve had to fight myself to do nothing, just sit back and see what he decides to do. I did send him one feeling message a few weeks ago to say I felt peaceful and he was in my thoughts, but no questions. He responded a few days later saying he was sorry for not being in contact but he needs time alone. I have to take him at his word and just leave him alone until he is ready. In the meantime, I’ve made some plans for time away with friends and on my own, and indulging myself in art, which I love and which always takes me to a place of calm, because I am a creative person at heart. Reading Memulo’s story brought back those feelings of panic, fear, anger I felt when he first created that distance but also made me think that whatever I feel, if I tell him what is my timescale to talk before he is ready, then whatever he does is not of his own free will but influenced by what I say I want. It’s taken me a long time to get to this place. I keep drafting text messages and then deleting them because I know his curiousity about me has to be aroused by his feelings, not by me prodding him and reminding him I’m still here. So Memulo, although I am new here and have only seen what you are going through by what you wrote, all I can say is let that fear and rage out away from him, and don’t pretend to yourself you are only worried about him being sick (which I’m sure you are, but he is a grown man) when you seem to be really more worried about whether he wants a relationship with you. If he does, he will come to you. Thank you for sharing your story, I believe you can stay strong and keep your status high. I am battling my instincts for contact just like you are, so you are not alone!

  316.  #316Heart on September 25, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Sirenity – He wrote me back talking about the work he is doing….now he seems chatty and wanting to please me. Men make no sense.

  317.  #317Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 3:51 am

    Heart that feels good to hear! Hopefully he suggests another option.

  318.  #318Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:52 am

    My date from last night always treats me well. I feel calm and relaxed with him.

  319.  #319Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 3:53 am

    But let’s see if he asks me out again

  320.  #320Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 4:07 am

    I love how you feel good and relaxed with him Mem. This being in touch with your feelings is very attractive !

  321.  #321Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 4:20 am

    Memulo maybe it is because you have labelled yourself as stupid so you are unconsciously trying to live up to your own expectations?

  322.  #322Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 4:24 am

    FW, what are you saying:) -?

    Don’t think I labeled myself that seriously.

  323.  #323ruth on September 25, 2012 at 4:33 am

    afternoon Sirens

    Once again, things for me to learn

    I too am one of those who would like a date definitely confirmed near the time and have asked for that in the past. It has caused some friction
    It hadnt even occurred to me that men might view this differently!

    Oh, I have so much to learn!

    Feeling a little choked up again

  324.  #324ruth on September 25, 2012 at 4:34 am

    Memulo, I do feel glad that you are going on other dates

    Tam, I missed you post about the dentist.WOW Now, if thats not healing, I dont know what is!

    Smile, I was staying in Ambleside actually

  325.  #325ruth on September 25, 2012 at 4:35 am

    Hm, and I rather desperately need to work on my own self esteeem

  326.  #326Tam on September 25, 2012 at 4:38 am

    Hi Ruth!! 🙂

  327.  #327ruth on September 25, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Hi Tam

    when do you escape to florida?

  328.  #328Daria on September 25, 2012 at 4:44 am

    Mary – hi 🙂 I see your q. I meant just what I wrote, I know it might feel tough to hear. Love you!

  329.  #329Daria on September 25, 2012 at 4:46 am

    I will like my dates confirmed, by the man at least an hour ahead.

    Good plan D!

  330.  #330Daria on September 25, 2012 at 4:50 am

    Ann I feel scared to require my new requirements.

    I will practice requiring 2 days ahead plan even with this Romanian cd.

    But what if on day of he will not confirm ? He hasn’t even met me yet! Or seen a pic of me.

    Oh well not my business.

    I feel certain he will come even unconfirmed – due to cultural societal req – but I could be way trippin


    When I get to the US I’m gona bust all those men who want to see me by practicing this.

    I feel my bloodpressure going up

  331.  #331Tam on September 25, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Ruth in 3 days…can’t wait.

  332.  #332ruth on September 25, 2012 at 5:03 am

    tam oooooooooh

  333.  #333Tam on September 25, 2012 at 5:09 am

    I am feeling pretty angry today.
    Guess it’s also because I am almost going and I am reflecting. I am reflecting also regarding all the stuff my Dad has said (that I am a failure and how come I ended up back here after 18 years away and all that kind of stuff). I was grateful that they provided a roof over my head, don’t get me wrong..but when I got here I had already lost my jobs two times through no fault of my own, I had amassed a little debt (not by buying luxuries but by paying for an international health insurance) and YET
    I was contributing to the household too, doing quite a bit of buying groceries (what I could afford), cleaning and cooking because this is normal. All this time I felt so guilty that I couldn’t offer to pay rent or anything.
    And I was made to feel guilty, by him constantly saying that he has worked all his life and he is ashamed of me bla bla. And everything is getting more expensive, water and electricity etc.
    Not that they ever offered me any other assistance than a roof over my head, mind. And yes, I have expressed my gratitude many times and felt bad.
    Now this morning I stumble over both of their wageslips, that were lying on the desk.
    Now, I have two degrees and had a very good job, but let me tell you, the kind of money they make, each and particularly together, is such a huge amount, that I could never even think of earning that much. I was pretty shocked actually. As they are constantly whinging about money.
    With that kind of income, you could buy a house in a major expensive European city and feed at least two families.
    Now I feel totally angry, because I struggled like a crazy person and they knew and they know I have a little debt – yet hey made me feel like they were kind of hard up and I was a nuisance.
    Now, I really can’t understand their attitude anymore.
    I am so happy to be going away from here.
    I feel angry and ungrateful and sad that I was feeling so bad to take up a little room in a house for a few months.
    Grr. It’s ok, Tam. Calm down. You know who loves you best is yourself and you are not a failure just because your bank balance is not so fat. And you are not a failure particularly because if you ever have your own children you would not make them feel unwelcomed and like a burden, especially when they had been standing on their own two feet for nearly 2 decades and had some bad luck.
    Slathering on love.

  334.  #334Tam on September 25, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Roooaaarrrrrrrr……I feel unbelievably angry.
    ‘and why did you work in hotels for 2 years with all your qualifications, surely you could have done better, perhaps you have no ambition?’ – that was another nice sentence.
    Maybe because it was the big recession still in 2008/9 but then what would you guys know about trying to find a job, having worked at the same place for 40 years and never been made redundant or the company going bankrupt. Surely, better to work in a hotel than not at all.
    RRRoaaarrrrrrrrr….I feel sooooo anrgy. Jeepers creepers. I wish I hadn’t seen those payslips.
    Should they ever lose their jobs: no sympathy from me. That much is for sure.
    Sorry, rant over!! 🙂
    I feel better now.

  335.  #335Heart on September 25, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Sirens – CudG is telling me that most of the women he knows are promiscuous and accept a low standard of behaviour and that he unfairly thinks less of some some and that he also finds it difficult to trust some women…
    I feel surprised by all this opening up but I don’t know how to respond.
    I feel like Something pivotal is happening in our communication.

    Comforting him feels icky though….
    I feel a tightness in my chest area.
    I feel excited and scared at the same time.
    I feel curious about all if this…

  336.  #336ruth on September 25, 2012 at 5:15 am

    It hurts my heart to read that Tam

  337.  #337Tam on September 25, 2012 at 5:16 am

    333, Heart, do you need to respond? Sounds to me like he is a good guy maybe…

  338.  #338Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 5:19 am

    I just read evanmarckatz latest blog..I feel depressed ..”am I too old to have success in online dating?”

    After years of online dating i feel so much empathy for the 54 year old writing ..I am similar age. EMK seems to agree its tough , just keep tweaking profile and pics from what i can gather is the advice he gives.

    The problem identified by people there was that men have an expectation of dating down a long way in age , at all ages, combined with the impression of endless options online gives people .

    I feel distressed . i have been harboring a belief that I am on the “dating scrap heap” and certainly my online contacts have dried up (this may be location).

    I would love to read a whole list of your success stories for older women dating who are reading on the blog, online meetings, or opportunistic. Are there any of you out there?

    Mind you I have one CD i met online currently , and having difficulty meeting any others. I am looking for strategies…????

  339.  #339Tam on September 25, 2012 at 5:20 am

    334…Ruth, yes. I felt like a little scruffy ugly beggar here, a misfit.

    Actually, I don’t even feel grateful anymore.

  340.  #340ruth on September 25, 2012 at 5:24 am

    not long now Tam

  341.  #341Sirenity on September 25, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Heart can you keep the openness going by just acknowledging his opinions , then giving a feeling message.

    “You sound sad about this. It sometimes feels tough working out relationships , doesnt it?

    It feels good though and a little scary to be talking honestly about these things and I feel curious to hear more of what you think.”

  342.  #342Tam on September 25, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Not long….that’s true. Thanks Ruth 🙂
    I am also incredibly fortunate in having few but very good friends that I can count on – more so than my family. That’s really quite something and I feel very grateful for that. 🙂

  343.  #343Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 5:32 am

    Heart believe it or not many men would say the same thing

  344.  #344BAB on September 25, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Oh my, jealousy was running freely this weekend when old crushes of my bfs were around us. I lost it for a while, now my heart feels sad and i am regretting a lot of my actions.
    Why cant i have a do over?! 🙁

  345.  #345Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 6:02 am

    I called, he didn’t pick up but texted Hi before I left the vm. I replied Hi and am now waiting

  346.  #346BAB on September 25, 2012 at 6:05 am

    Does anyone have any little diddies or reminders they have made for themselves as a reminder to check your pasture and come back to yourself?

    🙁 I can feel myself leaning forward even now, just sitting here on the couch. I keep catching myself being physically hunched over. I really need some help in this area, the meditating is really hard for me, and when i do it i feel uncomfortable more then relaxed..

  347.  #347Heart on September 25, 2012 at 6:05 am

    Well I shut down for 30 mins…because my chest started feeling tight and Not open….and I took a walk…it’s like when he started opening up I felt afraid and began to shut down.

    I only just responded after an hour and I feel bad…that I left him hanging.
    And I feel afraid he-wont-like-me anymore

    I feel good too because I’m outside and the air feels cool and soothing.

    I did some open heart breathing and I feel really airy on the inside…

  348.  #348Tam on September 25, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Heart, do you think there may be a little teeny bit of ‘fear of intimacy’ going on there?

  349.  #349Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Should I ask how you are feeling? That’s more words than him

  350.  #350Calypso on September 25, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Let this be another wonderful day ~

    I went to dinner with my son who is now cancer free last night – now today I am hoping to get a letter from my baby boy who is in boot camp – that would make me soooo happy – even if he tells me he is having a horrible time and wants to come home – I’m half expecting that. I just want proof of life – lol

    After work tonight I’m going to JC’s house to get on the computer and help him plan our trip to the beach. I wanted to just lean back and let him do it, but he really wants my input and says it will be more fun for him if I participate in the planning – hopefully I can make him happy by participating and still find a way to lean back and let him make the final decisions – use FM’s about which places it would feel romantic to go to with him, etc. I have been down there a million times and he has not, so . . . I just want to be careful about how I handle this. I think he would be happy to let me be the guy sometimes and I don’t want to do that!!!

  351.  #351Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Interesting message from guy on POF

    thanks —– hoping soon we will reflect together on our past triumph and future accomplishment and share our dreams and fear together and if life get too hard to stand we will just kneel smile as i do feel a connection Jcd!!!

  352.  #352Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Memulo is it because you have labelled yourself as stupid why you are unconsciously trying to live up to your own expectations?

  353.  #353Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:20 am

    BAB how about talking to yourself. Even doing it in front of the mirror?

  354.  #354Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:21 am

    I can make him happy by participating – eeekkkk

    Do you really want to take on the job of someone else’s happiness?

  355.  #355Heart on September 25, 2012 at 6:24 am


    Leaving a country/home triggers all kinds of emotions! You’re emotional and angry today! It’s fine. It’s normal!

  356.  #356Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Heart – I only just responded after an hour and I feel bad…that I left him hanging.
    And I feel afraid he-wont-like-me anymore

    I would gamble that he believes you have a life to live. Not sitting around lollygagingwithbatedbreath like a dog with his tongue hanging out for his next word so you can respond. Ask yourself what are your expectations why you would be afraid. After that fart story above, really?

  357.  #357Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:26 am

    Tam I agree with Heart. I am here feeling unexplainably sad today though at the same time I feel relaxed and like letting go of doing life. Just feel like trusting, being, floating on the experiences that come my way.

  358.  #358Heart on September 25, 2012 at 6:27 am

    LOL FW!


  359.  #359Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Sirenity I found some gems in EMK’s eletter

    “Let’s look at this from the other side:

    Are you inspired by a man who is weak, needy, and insecure?
    A man who needs constant attention?
    A man who worries about where you are every night?
    A man who doesn’t trust that you love him?
    A man who is convinced you’re too good for him and that you’re going to leave him for someone else?

    Probably not. That man would be exhausting.

    You deserve a guy with confidence. And men of confidence want women with confidence. No exceptions.”

  360.  #360Tam on September 25, 2012 at 6:34 am

    353 Thanks Heart…I did feel a bit panicky leaving now because my place is rented out and I have to stay with friends (something I wouldn’t normally do) but I just felt so bad here, I wouldn’t have been able to do this till November…phew.

  361.  #361Tam on September 25, 2012 at 6:36 am

    355 also thank you FW, yes sometimes it is best to let go and relax and get ready to take whatever life throws at us, which admittedly has been a real challenge this year. But hey, at least it isn’t boring!! 🙂

  362.  #362Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:38 am

    “As for you, I feel the same exact way.

    You can be kind.
    You can be sensitive.
    You can cry.
    You can get hurt.
    You can love openly.
    None of these are signs of weakness.

    Weakness is when you let life beat you.

    Weakness is when you let fear make decisions for you.

    Weakness is when you refuse to try.

    Have you given up on dating, online dating, relationships, marriage or men?

    If so, you’re letting life beat you. You’re letting fear take over.

    Don’t let that happen to you.

    If you believe you’re worthy, the right man will believe it, too.

    You just gotta get back out there.

    The worst dating month I ever had was November, 2006.

    I met my wife in January, 2007.”

  363.  #363Heart on September 25, 2012 at 6:38 am

    #336 Sirenity – hmmm….just lie about your age? 😛

  364.  #364Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 6:38 am

    @ Tam 331


    I could so identify. Although my parents don´t earn so big paycheck, but did they make me feel guilty often, while I was staying with them big part of this year. I did even offered to pay rent few times in the beginning when I still could afford it. They refused categorically, and on their good mood were nice to me. But any minor irritation…and I could hear lots of unconstructive criticism coming my way.

    It´s why have escaped now from them again. Although my professional & academical life is not yet sorted out at all, but at least I dont´have the pressure from constant judgements from my parents (and one grandmother, who tells me that all job a woman can have in a foreign country is to be a prostitute — kind of funny, as she is already 84 & keeps forgetting I already did work many years in a foreign country; still…feels bad to hear that).

  365.  #365Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 6:39 am

    FW can you please stop pasting this line?

  366.  #366Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:40 am

    From a 68 year old:-

    It has been so easy. He said he knew right away that I was the woman for him. He googled me and became interested in learning more about the postings that I had been actively involved in. He was blown away at what I had accomplished. He is an extremely loving man who outwardly acknowledges me telling me how much he appreciates me, as I do him. He has moved into my home at the base of Mt. Shasta, while still keeping his home in the California Central Valley. He has the core values I have been looking for, and I feel we are ‘ying and yang’. We laugh about how we approach life so differently; I’m ‘loosey goosey’ while he is very organized and goal oriented. We can talk about anything , and he is excited about following my organic eating plan. (YES!)

    The interesting thing is that he does not match the type of man I have dated before. I never thought I would be interested in a man like him. He does not have as much education as I do, at times uses incorrect grammar, has a history that is very different from mine, is about 30 lbs overweight with high blood pressure, and he wears thick glasses. I have decided that none of this matters, and I am not settling. (The week I met him, I had dates with two other men, and one I cancelled after I met him. Both had their graduate degrees.)

    It is how I feel when I am with him and the fun we are having together. I now realize that none of these previous men were ready for a relationship. They bailed after 3 dates, seemingly very easily. This relationship is satisfying, and I can be in my mostly feminine energy. I like following his gentle lead.

    The bottom line is that I have heard this over and over with women who have been looking for a life long partner. They find someone who is not what they would ever have expected. I have dated many PhD’s and have been pretty bored. This man is accepting, honest, aware of his feelings and willing to work on a relationship. We are putting our best forward.

  367.  #367Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Why Memulo?

  368.  #368Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Some great words from Dominique:-

    Dominique says:

    Julia – He will step up, or he won’t. Smile; be warm. Just keep on being you with heart open and receptive.

    You seem to already be a bit hung up on this man, and you haven’t even dated. This is where CDing is invaluable. Please keep your options open. Flirt with everyone and anyone, men of all ages, women, children, animals, date if you want to, but please don’t set your sights already on this one man.


  369.  #369Heart on September 25, 2012 at 6:48 am

    #349 – FW -awwwww Heartwarming! . Enjoy.

    #358 – Tam – you only have a few more days..Woohoo Florida!

  370.  #370Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 6:49 am

    FW because it feels like bullying

  371.  #371Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 6:50 am


    how would you react, if a online cd you have seen only once & who has not made real plans forseeing me again (although speaking about it) offers to be my “friend”…as he is “better friend than boyfriend”. He already has lots of female friends and from his words I got a sense he is quite used them to be chasing after him. And I have not been doing that. Although I´m not sure about my vibe (which could be a bit needy generally).

    I don´t really have any expectations at this point, but I did find him attractive & feel a bit disappointed I could not attract him enough to inspire him to step up & most certainly I don´t want to be one of his many female friends.
    He´s nice to talk to, but I´m not looking for more friends actually.

  372.  #372BAB on September 25, 2012 at 6:52 am

    FW – you mean for a reminder? I guess that might work, ill give it a go.

  373.  #373Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:53 am

    How is that Memulo?

  374.  #374Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Ulii 366 Dominique wrote to another woman about an online cd that she has not yet met. It might help you gain some perspective.

  375.  #375Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:56 am

    BAB I find talking to myself helps me a lot, especially in the mirror. I see every nuance of insecurity, cringing at my own reflecting and even feelings that I generate depending on the inflecting of my voice or intention. Moving around and playing with yourself in the mirror helps to redirect the mind.

  376.  #376Heart on September 25, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Wow…I feel Awesome right now.
    I believe in beauty.
    I believe in love.
    My heart feels so open!

  377.  #377Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 6:58 am

    RE 374 Can you “see” your heart?

  378.  #378Belle on September 25, 2012 at 7:00 am

    I’m feeling good and satisfied with myself and also victorious this morning!

    I’m reading “Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them” because I Someone mentioned a passage in it on Baggage Reclaim that sounded SO familiar. I can see myself and all of my exes all up in it!

    I feel amazed…I didn’t realize that when I said what I wanted and how I felt and just sat there and felt the feelings as C walked away, that I was essentially growing myself up. In my unconscious mind he, and anyone else I dated before, was a parental figure, with the power over my ability to survive and the source of nurturing and comfort. In speaking my truth, and being very present with myself as he walked away, I was affirming to myself my adult status, my confidence and knowing in my ability to survive on my own and know there are other possibilities.

    Hoofrickinray for me!!!

    I also feel good about my decision to NC T for good. I realized the flip-flopping I had experienced with him was just showing me that he’s not a good match for me, a man that occupies that much of my headspace for as long as he has is not healthy for me, period. Him showing back up and us making nice for a while reminded me of Rori saying that those dratted exes will show up just as we are about to shift!

    I also realized in reading the book that through him I was trying to make my relationship with my father right….and just like T and C, my father’s psyche is deeply wounded and fractured and who knows when and if that will ever change but *I* am whole and a “sovereign integral”. Last night I dreamed of unity consciousness within my soul and how my individuated being is separating the wheat from the chaff, culling all of the best and transmuting the rest.
    I tolerated a lot of shady behavior because rejecting it felt like rejecting a part of myself – “I can’t judge because I know what it’s like.”

    Ha. I have infinite qualities, and what I focus on I get more of so I can totally turn away from the crap and focus on the good stuff and let my subconscious do it’s job of composting the crap 😀

    I have no plans to CD right now but that could change. I’m taking everything one day at a time and focusing on my heartbeat and feeling it pulse and throb as often as possible. I noticed for the first time yesterday I could actually distinguish the different chambers pumping!

    When those boys go away then the underlying feelings start coming up…last night I felt waves of fear of the future…and I felt so kind toward my little one and she felt so trusting of the big one. “Go ahead and feel scared if that’s what you need, no worries, I gotcha! I’m right here, we’ll breathe through the feelings and let them be, feel as scared as you need to.” I feel much more trusting of myself now that I don’t try to talk myself out of my feelings.

    This stuff works! I haven’t gotten married but I feel married to ME now! The people I attract from now on are going to be from a place of wholeness rather than ‘incomplete’. Using the tools and feeling my feelings showed me I was NOT dealing with the people I believed I was, taught me to stop trying to get blood from a turnip at a *visceral* level, helped dispel the illusions and fantasies, and gave me the “how” of Being a safe space for myself.

    Thank you especially Rori for personally responding to my first post because your advice is exactly what I needed to hear and it had a strong impact coming from you directly.

  379.  #379Butterfly Wings on September 25, 2012 at 7:01 am

    117 Calypso – WOW WOW WOW!!! That is WONDERFUL news! Oh I feel so happy for you and your son!

    xxxxxxxxxxx 🙂 🙂 🙂

  380.  #380Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:01 am

    I feel really embarassed and scared and shaky asking this, but I need advice.

    I need to talk to Jack CD. I feel so tired of running into him, I feel so tired of the lingering eye contact and of him sitting so close to me, and of him hinting around and saying things without actually saying anything.

    I feel tired of seeing him so much without him making plans to see me. It makes me want to hide and avoid places where he might be. That makes me feel angry, because if he weren’t there, I would go to those places feeling anxiety-free.

    and I feel really angry for some reason, when I walk into a room and he seems really happy to see me.

    I feel like his prey. I feel like his toy. His ego stroker. I feel like he doesn’t really care about me. I feel like I’m just some random chick who makes him feel validated as a man because he can tell I feel attracted to him. so attracted that I feel flustered and have trouble speaking around him sometimes.

    I don’t want to avoid doing things that I want to do just because he “might” be there.

    That feels so icky, and that feels like he has some weird control over me.

    and now that I know that he’s seeing someone long distance, I can like, see his confidence growing. Like he seems more confident, and for some reason, that makes me feel angry.

    I feel tired of him over-hearing me say something about what I like or respect in a man or person, and then him showing me ways where he fits that mold.

    It feels weird and unsafe.

    After him living in the area for over a year and maybe foolishly sharing so much of myself with him, I still don’t feel like I know him very well, and that doesn’t feel right.

    I feel so embarassed and I feel like someone is going to tell me something I don’t want to hear.

    I know I need to CD. I know. and I’m trying to CD myself, and I do meet men and see men when I’m out and about, but they never ask me out on real dates and I don’t know why.

    am I not open enough? if so, how can I be more open to them?

    I try to feel my feelings and speak my feelings, but I feel frustrated because it DOES take practice. Sometimes I use feeling messages and sometimes I forget.

    Okay, I want to be really honest, sometimes I feel scared to use them because they are really powerful.

    and sometimes I feel manipulitive using them because they are really powerful.

    I don’t have a lot of money or time for online dating. I don’t want to use free sites because I want high quality men who are more serious than that.

    I have to admit, I do feel scared of it, simply because of the kinds of guys who find me out on facebook.

    I always feel so icky and turned off by the men who “approach” me online.

    but I really want to try CDing more, I feel like I really need to.

    I feel judgmental.

    I perceive “creepy” men who feel too shy to go out and meet people in real life, but who suddenly become very bold in front of a computer screen.

    It reminds me of that Brad Paisley song, “So much cooler online.”

    I feel scared of what ladies are going to say to me.
    I feel tight in my chest.
    I feel sad.
    I feel sad to let go of Jack CD.

    I don’t even feel sure if that’s what I’m “supposed” to do.

    I need suggestions for feeling messages.

    I feel really frustrated that we are rarely alone where I feel comfortable having vulnerable conversation with him.

    Part of me suspects that he really cares about me. I feel frustrated at my doubt. I don’t feel sure. I should feel sure. With the right guy, there should be no doubts.

    I don’t know what to do.
    I feel teary, childish, grumpy.

    I think I’m going to be yelled at on the blog, and that feels scary. I don’t know why I think I’m going to be “yelled at”

    I feel sad.

  381.  #381Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I realized the flip-flopping I had experienced with him was just showing me that he’s not a good match for me, a man that occupies that much of my headspace for as long as he has is not healthy for me, period. Him showing back up and us making nice for a while reminded me of Rori saying that those dratted exes will show up just as we are about to shift!

    Oh yeeaaahhhh Belle. If only we all would make an effort to believe this.

  382.  #382Heart on September 25, 2012 at 7:05 am

    375 – No FW..I can’t ….can u?

  383.  #383Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:06 am

    OMG Belle. Lightbulbs going off over here. Thanks so much for sharing

  384.  #384Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:08 am

    @366 Feminine Woman – I love this and it feels empowering. I just feel so stupid because I feel like I don’t know how to flirt. I feel so embarassed and sad about that. I don’t understand how to “flirt” without “leaning forward.”

    I felt really proud of myself for making eye contact with Mr. Staresmedown, for holding it, for feeling my feelings and smiling really big. It felt great.

    but then I felt so confused when he seemed to give up and get angry and walk away when I didn’t approach him…

  385.  #385Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:08 am

    I imagine I see it Heart. In an unzippered plastic bag. Pulsating and beating with love for myself and for the world.

  386.  #386Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:09 am

    You feel stupid Iamabutterfly?

  387.  #387BAB on September 25, 2012 at 7:11 am

    AWW I see what you mean! Its funny i used to do this on a daily basis out of boredom, when i was younger.
    Kinda funny how i forgot about this. I always felt so good to see myself relaxed and loving my reflection.

  388.  #388Heart on September 25, 2012 at 7:12 am


  389.  #389Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:12 am

    “I feel like his prey. I feel like his toy. His ego stroker. I feel like he doesn’t really care about me. I feel like I’m just some random chick”

    Ask yourself what are you telling yourself?
    Ask yourself why are you judging him?

    These are really not feelings.

  390.  #390Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:13 am

    I feel frustrated when guys get girlfriends, when I just want to CD them.

    I also feel frustrated when Jack CD CDs.

    It’s not supposed to be that way, is it?

    Aren’t I the only one who is supposed to be CDing?

    While all the men compete for my attention, time, and affection?

    but that doesn’t even seem fair, for men NOT to CD.

    I want to marry the best man I can get. but how do you know you have the best when you haven’t dated a lot of men?

    the same goes for men though; how do they know?

    I feel confused.
    I know I have a good reputation with men, on at least some level.
    It feels so good when I can feel their respect, friendship, and yes, even attraction.

    I don’t understand what I’m doing to keep them from asking me out.

    Do I have walls up?
    How can I take them down?

  391.  #391Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:13 am

    BAB I would gamble that it was more than just boredom. I would gamble that you were enarmored by yourself. Maybe someone scolded you about idling and wasting time when they saw you doing it?

  392.  #392Butterfly Wings on September 25, 2012 at 7:13 am

    My day is the PERFECT example of why taking your focus off a man by CDing is the BEST thing you can do!

    Today I took my girls to a wildlife sanctuary with a girlfriend and her two kids. We had the BEST time, and spent lots of time patting animals, feeding kangaroos, my youngest held a snake and my eldest did a ropes course.

    SOOOO much fun!

    I hardly thought of TH at all, and once leaned forward and contacted him – I sent him a self portrait of me with my new “bestie” who happened to be a really cute male kangaroo. TH replied straight away with a little joke, and that’s the last I thought of him all day.

    So I posted the same pic on FB and next I’ve got this guy from the UK who has a “thing” for me, saying “lucky kangaroo!” and basically making it very clear he thought I was a bit of alright! 😉

    Francesca even messaged me on FB to say how obvious he was. lol

    Anyway, so between the fun I had with my girls and the attention I received from this guy, it most definitely shifted my vibe.

    When I finally looked at my phone after dropping my eldest off to work tonight, I had two missed calls and two text messages from TH, asking where I was and what was I doing.

    So I met him and another guy from work at the gym, and rather than going straight up to him like I usually do, I really didn’t feel compelled to – I just started my workout. He eventually came over to me. 🙂

    After gym I went back to his house for a bit, and he was VERY attentive… 😉 Then he invited me to lunch tomorrow, which is quite a rare thing for him.

    I just feel so happy and positive right now, and compared to the other day – it’s amazing what a day of CDing my friend/our kids/online dude can do!

    CDing ROCKS!!!

  393.  #393Heart on September 25, 2012 at 7:14 am

    #383 – FW ー I’ll try to imagine it too….in my chest or something pretty…the plasic bag seems soo CSI. 😛

  394.  #394Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:16 am

    @384 Feminine Woman – yes, I feel TERRIBLY STUPID. I feel like I’ve been kept in the dark my entire life about my own value as a woman, my own purpose as a woman, my sexuality, my spirituality, my identity, my purpose.

    I feel so disposable. I feel so easy-to-abandon.

    I feel pitied. I want knowledge, I want validation, I want acceptance, but I feel like I can never get it.

    I feel so angry and stuck and I’m sitting here at my desk at work and I’m crying and I feel sadness in my head and my throat and it hurts.

  395.  #395Heart on September 25, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Iamabutterfly – can you go off somewhere I sink into your emotions?

  396.  #396Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:21 am

    ““I feel like his prey. I feel like his toy. His ego stroker. I feel like he doesn’t really care about me. I feel like I’m just some random chick”

    Ask yourself what are you telling yourself?
    Ask yourself why are you judging him?

    These are really not feelings.”

    What AM I telling myself? I feel so angry!!!

    I feel like I’ve been telling myself these lies for years.

    That a guy can’t possibly have serious intentions towards me when he flirts with me, stares at me, touches me, listens to me, smiles at me.

    Why am I telling myself that?
    My Mom used to scream at me, “IF A GUY IS INTERESTED HE WILL PURSUE YOU!”

    I used to tell her about guys I was interested in, and she would always tell me why they WEREN’T interested.

    Like, if a guy didn’t follow her perfect formula of A, B, C, D, then HE WAS NOT INTERESTED. HE JUST LIKES YOU AS A FRIEND. HE’S JUST A FLIRT. HE’S NOT SERIOUS ABOUT YOU.

    HOLY CRAP, I feel RAGE.

  397.  #397Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Don’t know what CSI means?? But ever since I listened to Rori’s soothing voice talking about the unzippered heart I try to visualize it and radiating love for myself and the world. It helps me to remember to smile from my heart.

  398.  #398Butterfly Wings on September 25, 2012 at 7:23 am

    200 (((LiliBee))) – TH and I had a similar conversation not that long ago. 🙁

    I know how tough it is, but it’s great that you were both able to open up like that. It’s a good step, no matter which direction you’re headed with him.

    Like D, TH is also not sure about our future, based on things that have happened with us, and he’s always accusing me of “running away”.

    I think you and I have to learn to be ok with uncertainty. Easier said than done though huh? 🙁

  399.  #399Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:24 am

    RE 394 My own experience was that no man ever seemed to be good enough for me, in my mother’s eyes.

  400.  #400Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:25 am

    I don’t know what to believe! Nothing that a guy has EVER done for me HAS EVER felt like enough to PROVE that he cares about me.

    and I hear other girls tell me their stories about their wonderful husbands. They INITIATE relationship talks! They ASK her out on REAL DATES.

    but lately with my younger friends getting engaged, the stories don’t sound so “set in stone.” I’ve learned that men have a variety of ways to show that they care, so many unspoken…

  401.  #401ruth on September 25, 2012 at 7:26 am


    just check in with yourself and make sure its not *that* time of the month, and check you arent overtired

    What has gone before, what you did before doesnt really matter, except in the sense that you can learn something from it

    What matters is what you do now

    I feel like giving you a big squishy hug

    there is LOTS of time for you to find the validation /purpose/loveyou need

    There is no rush

    Honestly there isnt

    I often feel desperately impatient too, especially after a light bulb moment, when the path seem *so* obvious and I just want to get on and change my life

    Feel the feelings

    (the heart in plastic bag feels odd to me too-its my profession doing this to me-so Ill have mine on in a purple velvet lined box)

  402.  #402ruth on September 25, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Nail on head lama!

    there is no”set” way for a man to show he cares and respects us

  403.  #403ruth on September 25, 2012 at 7:29 am

    397 FW

    That feels familiar!

  404.  #404Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:30 am

    RE 392 How old are you Iamabutterfly? I experience you as 20 something. I am 50+ and I feel the same way at times. But I don’t label myself as stupid. I don’t what I would achieve on my behalf doing that.

    Everything is a process. We are all on a path to enlightenment. If we were all born enlightened how boring would life be? There would be nothing to learn.

    “. I feel like I’ve been kept in the dark my entire life about my own value as a woman, my own purpose as a woman, my sexuality, my spirituality, my identity, my purpose.” As you explore life you discover these things.

  405.  #405Tam on September 25, 2012 at 7:30 am

    362 Ulii!! big hug to you. As a matter of fact, I also have a grandad who is like your grandma and I have to visit him tomorrow. More Tam-bashing 😉

  406.  #406BAB on September 25, 2012 at 7:33 am

    FW- Oh yes, it was at a time when i started to loose weight and really enjoyed how i looked and felt.
    I was often told i should be out spending more time with people and not spending so much time by myself. And that i seemed obsessed with myself, because i spent so much time in the mirror.

  407.  #407Butterfly Wings on September 25, 2012 at 7:34 am

    259 Memulo – WHY are you doing this to yourself??? I feel so tense reading your posts, which are almost exactly the same as each other – all wondering if you should have called/texted, and beating yourself up!

    If you had a friend in your situation who was constantly focused on a guy who wasn’t stepping up and was literally OBSESSING over that guy, what would you advise her to do?

  408.  #408Heart on September 25, 2012 at 7:36 am

    FW – the forensic tv show – CSI …about DNa testing and stuff.

    #346 Tam – I’m now reading this…Yes definitely my fear of intiacy acting up…But I worked through it.

    Belle- ” growing myself up” — that resonates.

  409.  #409Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:36 am

    RE 404 BAB I would go try to find that girl again and see if I could find out what she was feeling when she was in that mirror. That man might feel intrigued and inspired if he meets her.

  410.  #410Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Heart – duh. I should have know. It is one of my favorites when I watch TV.

  411.  #411Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:37 am

    one time when I was 17, this guy and I used to chat online every night. he lived about 5 hours away. We met at a summer program.

    He had been flirting with me so much that one night I just snapped and told him I really liked him. over AOL instant messenger, no less, LOL.

    and he said he didn’t know what to say.
    he said I was so young. (I was three years younger. He was 20.)

    Before I knew it, he conveniently decided to come visit my town with his buddy.

    He asked me to come into the city with them, but my mom screamed at me, wouldn’t let me go, told me he wasn’t interested because if he was, why would he bring a friend with him?

    He came to church with me that weekend, rode in the car with me, flirted with me like crazy.

    He left. I was convinced he wasn’t “really” interested because of everything my mom said.

    Wow. We kept in touch online through my Sophmore year in college. We saw each other about three or four times during the year.

    to be fair, he did this really crazy/romantic/stupid thing and moved somewhere just to be close to another girl.

    My almost-boyfriend-number-2 got really jealous of my online, imaginary relationship with older 5 hour guy.

    AB#2 and I went to a hockey game together. It was the first time either of us had ever been to a hockey game. I kept asking him questions, assuming he would know more about hockey than I did since he was a guy. He didn’t know anything about hockey. Older 5 hour guy knew EVERYTHING about hockey. I can’t remember what I did or said, but I remember AB#2 getting so angry or jealous or something when I mentioned Older 5 hour guy. (I was young and naive and didn’t understand the power of male jealousy.)

    AB#2 started ignoring me after that hockey game. Our paths crossed again after things had cooled down and I had really taken ownership of myself, and I could tell he was still interested, but there was another girl for him at this point, and there was another guy for me, too, so nothing happened.


    He married the girl after me, right around the time when things with a new guy I really loved were getting awkward and tense.

    Then the new guy I really loved married the girl after me.

    After that, I had re-evaluate my entire life, and I’m not even kidding. Took me three years to get over.

    I’m just a year out of it. That feels really embarassing, but it’s the truth.

  412.  #412Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Feels really silly writing all that out, but feels therapeutic too…

  413.  #413Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Honestly, I don’t care that Jack CD is “seeing someone” (whatever that means) long distance.

    it just makes me feel angry that he didn’t tell me, and that he’s trying to keep it this big secret. I want to know why it’s such a big secret.

    I want to know why he calls her, but not me.
    Is it because we run into each other so much?

    I feel like he MUST like her more.
    Either that, or she just knows what’s she’s doing.

    She’s a great girl. I don’t know her super well, but what I do know, I like. I could honestly see us being friends. She’s younger. Never been hurt. has an amazing, emotionally healthy, emotionally supportive Mom who I actually consider a friend.

    It’s all so weird.

    I feel “too messed up” “too scarred” and “too old” to compete with her.

  414.  #414BAB on September 25, 2012 at 7:45 am

    FW- Yes its a great idea, however i feel freaked out about doing it. I am afraid of how vulnerable it will feel. I am afraid of my bf seeming me do this. I know its silly, but there it is. I need to be open with my insecurities in order to be open with him.

    P.s. Im curious about where i can find more info on male jealousy!?

  415.  #415Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:48 am

    @ 402 Feminine Woman – I’m 27. So, that IS a twenty-something.

    @397 Feminine Woman – RE 394 My own experience was that no man ever seemed to be good enough for me, in my mother’s eyes.

    Wow, I feel so moved by this. I feel a shift in my perspective. I feel that way about women that I truly love. I can think of two that no man seems good enough for, but it’s because I love and respect these women so much. Wow.

  416.  #416bloom-ing on September 25, 2012 at 7:50 am


    i noticed yesterday that it’s possible for me to track my feelings better so that actually i never fall all the way in to the deep water…. or i think it is – i can imagine it. like i can imagine my ideal no-fighting relationship : ) & i don’t have it, blast, but i’m feeling near to it, i caress my dream, hello ! you are beautiful ! hooray !!!!!!!! mmmmmmm my mama says beautiful & rested & healthy i look that is the best i think. i’m going to try. & today i’m playing the “Big Man” game where i do a million things really fast like a … machine ? like a …………. like a time-space continuum surfer lol : )) swoop swoop gettin shxt done lol yummy i feel happy & giggly about it today

  417.  #417Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:50 am

    399: ruth – I feel silly because now that you mention it, I did run out of the house without breakfast this morning.

    but, I do feel like REAL “issues” come up when we’re hungry, vulnerable, or hormonal from that time of the month.

    I feel sleepy…

  418.  #418Rebecca on September 25, 2012 at 7:50 am


    It feels sad that you seem to be going round and round in circles.

    I’m wondering if you are just trying to prove a point, like how dare he NOT be interested in you, so you are refusing to give up on him.

    That is how I am perceiving it.

    Are you genuinely interested in him or is it just a power struggle and you want him to be interested in you.

    That is what I am feeling, sensing whenever I read your posts.

    What do you think? Can you be brave enough to tell us?

  419.  #419Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 7:51 am

    BAB as Rori says you are the target. I would say go on youtube and look at Rori’s Modern Siren free sample videos.

  420.  #420Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I feel super supported and comforted by you, ruth and feminine woman. Thank you so much! I feel warm and teary and hopeful, just having your support.

  421.  #421bloom-ing on September 25, 2012 at 7:54 am

    like stretching & breathing. that’s the easiest way for me to feel better. spiff up my inner space. “i’m a safe place” way

  422.  #422ruth on September 25, 2012 at 7:56 am

    the real issues feel a million times worse if hungry or tired or hormonal

    Your story sounds just like one of Roris e mails actually-so I guess if you are doing the tools and finding out about yourself it will all come good
    27 is no age at all
    You have loads of time to experiment and feel and explore and hopefully have some fun on the way

    Actually, we all do
    There is a LOT to be said for slowing down and smelling the roses on our journey

    I should take my own advice-Impatient woman that I am

  423.  #423ruth on September 25, 2012 at 7:59 am

    The thought of looking at myself in a mirror for any length of time , well, I feel scared and icky at the thought

    But it is one of the Tools

  424.  #424Daria on September 25, 2012 at 7:59 am

    you might as well give in and be … happy

    you might as well give in and be … great

  425.  #425Daria on September 25, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Belle – you have helped me so much!!!!

    you awesome Goddess

  426.  #426Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 8:01 am

    I might as well give in and be ……happy

    I might as well give in and be…….great

    That feels magical sitting here thinking that and inhaling sweet smelling pumpkin spice oil

  427.  #427Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 8:02 am

    @420 ruth – thanks. 🙂 I feel silly, because I feel impatient. I have felt a LONGING ever since I first deeply cared for a man. It felt glorious before I let my fear get in the way.

    I have also felt a longing for babies and children. I long to be a mother. I long to have a daughter, to teach her her own worth, to love herself, to take advantage of every opportunity given to her, to not be scared of life.

    I feel like my Mom was and kind of still is so scared of life.

    I want to mother and nuture and teach.

    but I guess I can do that for myself RIGHT NOW, huh?

    that feels exciting and healing…

    l’m going to go eat a nice healthy lunch…

  428.  #428Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 8:03 am

    @ 420 ruth – do you happen to know WHICH email? I get Rori’s emails, and it’s to the point where I’m getting duplicates, but it’s kind of cool getting duplicates after you’ve learned and tried new things.

    if you could paste it here, that would feel awesome.
    if not, that’s okay too!

    I appreciate your support so much. Feels warm and hopeful. 🙂

  429.  #429Daria on September 25, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Tam – a Siren has shared this with me:

    its a pdf download of soul healing stories… free or donate by choice…

    I downloaded it and read the story about the ‘Inner Father’

    and OH WOW

    its healed me so much right now!

    Im reading your post and thinking of it!

  430.  #430ruth on September 25, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Sure you can lama.Right now, this minute!

    That feels good to read

    I dont have children but I *do* nurture and teach at work

    All the work you do now will benefit your future family

  431.  #431Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 8:04 am

    I feel like my Mom was and kind of still is so scared of life.

    Many of us are. First it is life. Then it is death.

  432.  #432ruth on September 25, 2012 at 8:06 am

    It could apply to several of Roris E mails Lama

    she is very honest about her past life and mistakes, and that feels good to read
    Makes me feel hopeful, for one thing

    I shall have a little look and post a link

  433.  #433Daria on September 25, 2012 at 8:06 am

    I just donated!

  434.  #434Daria on September 25, 2012 at 8:08 am


    PLEASE GO TO THIS LINK AND DOWNLOAD and read the story of ‘Finding My Inner Father’

    let yourself FEEL IT!

    OH WOW the difference I FEEL!!!

    I want to share it with all !

  435.  #435Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 8:09 am

    The 2 Reasons He Can’t Be Honest With You

    You’ve been continually frustrated by his inability to express himself to you.

    And you’re right.

    There are two reasons he hasn’t done this:

    1 – He’s afraid to look you in the eyes and expose his emotions 2 – He doesn’t fully understand himself what he feels and thinks For all their bravado, men are scared to death when it comes to talking about emotions…especially with a women. They’re afraid they’ll seem weak and that they’ll upset you. So they take the path they think will cause the least amount of pain and drama.

    And that usually involves giving you the shortest possible answer to get out of the conversation about what he’s feeling.

    Also related to their fear of emotions, men are very closed off emotionally. They don’t like looking at their feelings and actions. They are less willing to take a hard look at the truth, compared with women.

    So he most likely doesn’t truly understand his feelings himself because he hasn’t figured it out (a lot of guys will never figure it out, even with time).

  436.  #436ruth on September 25, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I know what it feels like to almost give up on

    There was a time in my life where I thought I
    would NEVER find a good man who would love me
    unconditionally and completely – who I’d also love
    in return=2E

    Every time I met an interesting or attractive
    new man, I would feel hopeful that this would
    finally be IT=2E

    But then he would tell me I was only really =22a
    friend=22 to him, or he would start flirting with
    another woman, or he would start to be less and
    less affectionate until one day he would just walk
    out of my life=2E


    I know that my bad experiences in love weren’t
    making things any easier for me=2E

    I was probably settling for a lot of bad
    behavior from men because I so much wanted to be
    loved, get married and have a family of my own=2E

    And by ACCEPTING the bad behavior and
    overfunctioning and treating the man as if HE
    mattered more than my feelings, I wasn’t very
    attractive to the men I was dating=2E

    In hindsight I can see that I appeared needy
    and clingy, maybe a little too =22forgiving=22 of
    things even THEY knew weren’t right=2E=2E=2E

    Like when the man I was dating flirted with his
    female =22friends=22 right in front of me=2E=2E=2Ewhile I
    sat there feeling completely mortified and numb
    with jealousy and shame=2E


    I’ve been through all the yucky feelings that
    come from getting hurt over and over=2E And I’ve
    learned since that unless you can STOP the
    negativity and hopelessness somehow, it only gets
    worse as time passes=2E

    It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy=2E The more
    you believe bad things will happen, the more bad
    things happen=2E

    That’s why I developed and recorded my Heart
    Connection Toolkit program for you=2E

    My Toolkit is a collection of my very best
    encouraging words, advice, mantras and exercises
    designed to LIFT your self-esteem, change your
    attitude and make you feel more empowered in
    relationships and dating=2E

    It’s my very best Tools to help you rise ABOVE
    the negativity and bad experiences and see
    yourself as the goddess and Rock Star you really


    With the new, fresh attitude and energy you’ll
    get after listening to my Toolkit and working
    through the mantras and visualizations, you’ll
    feel MORE GROUNDED and RELAXED around him=2E

    You’ll be able to stay true to yourself, no
    matter what he=C2=92s doing or saying around you=2E

    This will have the incredible effect of getting
    his ATTENTION – fast=21 He will feel a difference in
    you=2E You’ll be relaxed and you’ll have higher
    self-esteem=2E And in turn, he will relax and feel
    more comfortable around you=2E He’ll feel more
    attracted to you=2E

    The best part about my Toolkit is that you can
    listen to it as often as you need to=2E You can
    listen to it in the car on the way to work, on the
    way to a date, or while you take a walk outside=2E
    My voice will cheer you on and encourage you=2E

    You don’t have to DO anything if you don’t feel
    like it=2E Just listen=2E It will create changes in
    your attitude and thoughts the more you listen to

  437.  #437BAB on September 25, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Recently my bf has been apologizing for how much he talks, or for interrupting me when i am doing something, even if im just reading drawing or watching a show. He will seek me out and start talking and i will listen, doing my best not to convince, console or take offense or advise in any of the convos we have.
    And he has started to say “Im sorry ill stop talking” or “im sorry i dont mean to bug you” Now when he says these things ill just fallow up with “Its ok, your not” and smile. and he will sometimes go back to talking or go about his own stuff eventually.
    Im not worried in the moment that i am handling it right, because i really don’t mind if he was indeed talking too much or bugging me.
    But i do wondering if, him saying these things mean i am not giving out the ( Open loving feeling) I mean to be..
    Does this make sense? I feel like i am, but this is a semi new behavior for him, so it makes me curious..

  438.  #438Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 8:21 am

  439.  #439Tam on September 25, 2012 at 8:22 am

    427 Thank you Daria, def will check it out when I have a minute!! 🙂

  440.  #440Radlove on September 25, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I don’t feel excited, but I got the job offer for the home health care aide working with children with medical conditions in their own homes. I took information without accepting the offer yet.

    It is as I feared: It doesn’t pay enough to live on. To make it even worse, there are no guaranteed hours. If I’m lucky, I would get 35 hours a week, if I worked 6 days a week. And as long as I’m living in my current home, my commute to my home area, where the job is and where I intend to move back, would cost $20 to $25 USD a day in gas, not to mention wear and tear on the car.

    Suddenly my technical writing career looks inviting. And this is the dilemma I’ve faced for the past 11 years, as a tech writer. I want to work with people, yet I have living expenses and heavy debts. I feel stuck.

    I assume I shouldn’t take the position, which feels frustrating after a two hour interview and waiting a couple weeks for a complete background check to clear. I welcome any feedback. Ugh. I feel discouraged.

  441.  #441Daria on September 25, 2012 at 8:30 am

    well honestly i would feel happy if we were all born enlightened

    then we could play and sing and dance and create amazing cool stuff and laugh and feel happy and joyful and natural


    *this triggers my memory of thinking ‘peace’ would feel boring but now i get its NOT

    thers alwasy transformation too

    likely we are all enlightened already


    i want to treat myself and everyone with full respect

  442.  #442Daria on September 25, 2012 at 8:30 am

    if you respect someone, can you ‘help’ them?

    or would that be judging them as in need of help

    maybe say hey this might help you feel better, and they can choose



  443.  #443Daria on September 25, 2012 at 8:48 am

    from FW’s link on LOA

    14. Be precise. Know exactly how and what your life is to be. Once you have figured that out, starting acting like it is reality. Trust me, this works.

  444.  #444Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:01 am

    i missed a call from CD over here 15 min ago

    im not gonna call back (even tho we don’t use voicemails here)

    he couldve texted and asked me to call im sure

    this is for me

    its not about formality, politeness, or any of that

    also i feel like running away anyway LOl so this make s it easier on me


  445.  #445Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:02 am

    ‘im a stuckup BIT*CH!!!”

    ie a high maintenance woman

    who does she think she are?

    some kinda superstar?


    helll s yeah baby

  446.  #446Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:05 am

    ANNNNDDDDD a friend of mine WHO IS GREEEEAT at music has shown up to let me know he has music equipment!!!


  447.  #447Tam on September 25, 2012 at 9:06 am

    438 Radlove, that’s a toughie. Can you work with the kids and do some writing ‘on the side’, freelance?
    Do you have that opportunity?

  448.  #448Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:08 am

    this friend is so brave, he can have no money and he stops at gas station and asks people for money and tadah!

    free money

    and also he;’s been training to live in wilderness which i want


    he says he knows how to give women squirting orgasms and he can show me lol

    THIS guy i wouldnt have given him much time before

    as he’s not that ‘hard’

    and also he’s the guy who was always grabbing at girls coochies in hs and everyone was like get away from me lil boy


    i feel a bit embarassed but hey

    i actually feel good about those things

    im def Street Hard enough for both of us….


    i dono but just stepping babysteps

  449.  #449Amazing on September 25, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Rori,there is this MANY men now circulating in my life and i really need an advice.How do I recognice the right one?for me there is this man who has been interested in me for three years now,but he never takes a step further.well,it was this small step.i have said no to him lots of times but he always seems to come back and i somehow think it is him but its going so slow.then it is this really nice guy in a shop nearby who always asks me how im doing,smiles and tries in every way to make me happy.that is an extra jobb he has there.This summer i met this very interesting guy who i somehow had this soulmatefeeling with,he touched deep in my heart and we were sms ing for a while but he was not into me like i wanted.and by the way i contacted him first and he is surely the man who ask you out and pay for he obviously did not see me as THAT woman.and there are other men to but noone asks me out.what is the rules??how do I know who is the one and how does he know i am?does he,at once,or does it ever happen another way ?thank you Rori,if you can give me some advice(i have even started to look online but i really think it is one of all these guys,probably not the soulmateman cos he dont feel that way for me though)what is the sign to look for?how do i feel it?lots of love

  450.  #450Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:10 am

    he is straight jockin me lol

    he probably can’t believe his luck that im giving him the time of day lol

  451.  #451Belle on September 25, 2012 at 9:12 am


    I just got chills…I was just thinking of that story today and how profoundly it has affected me, thank you for sharing and promoting it! Teka is AMAZING!!!

  452.  #452MissStix on September 25, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Feeling fantastic this morning!

    G has taken a couple days off work for his cold. Yesterday he got up with me at 530 and made coffee and prepped me a breakfast, made lunch when I got home and a delicious dinner…Bbq burgers and roasted yams with rosemary. Yummy! This morning he got up with me again, made coffee, showered with me and prepped me a breakfast again. I feel so well cared for and loved and open and receptive and appreciative 🙂 Such an effort he is making, and it means the world to me! It also feels incredibly easy to express my feelings right now. I said “Wow it feels so great to be taken care of!” and he said “Don’t worry lady, I got your back.” Sh1ts good.

  453.  #453Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:12 am

    “I am a link in the endless chain of birthing women”

  454.  #454Tam on September 25, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I nearly fell off my chair just now, remember the story I told you above?
    My Dad just chatted to me for a bit and said:
    yes, we are pretty well-off now and lead the good life. I realise that we are a little lucky, I guess.

    It’s almost as if he knew I saw their wage slips and had a major anger session at them portraying the ‘we are struggling financially’ .

    Universe, you do surprise me

  455.  #455coco kisses on September 25, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Ok so I need some input….first let me say, I feel good, I feel gorgeous and goddessike, sleeping naked in satin sheets, a Brazilian wax, and dancing in the morning to music that makes me feel fun, sexy, and beautiful have me in a really good place emotionally. This is the thing….my husband, he is not stepping up with clear actions. I sent him a text Saturday that said I’m feeling a little confused, weird and concerned about a few things….he replied “why?”, I then texted back you mentioned last week that you were no longer intrested in doing the marriage program , and I’ve Ben feeling a little bad and weird about that, I don’t want to feel like that, I want to feel secure and good…what do you think? He immediately calls me, and tells me not to worry, that he stop wants to work on the marriage, and he knows he needs to come over, and when he does he’d prefer us just talk about our issues, or watch marriage dvds. I told him thank you, and that I felt better. We talked for a while, he told me that he got in contact with his sister (who he is estranged with…due to family drama), and he was going to pay her a visit Sunday…she was supposedly open to reconciliation…..anyways……he has not called me since Saturday….I called him on Monday, because something in the house broke and I needed him to come fix it…..he is quite the handy man, he sounded really happy to hear from me….told me to call him back during his lunch break, I told him I’d feel better if he called me since his breaks can be at random, he said he would help me, and that he would call me…..that was yesterday at 11am….I still haven’t heard from him….we’be been communicating for a little over 1month after almost 6months of separation with no communication….he has not asked me out, and to be honest I feel weird….I feel like games are being played…..I’ve been feeling good about giving him one week (this time frame is for me, I’m not telling him this or giving him an ultimatum) to show his intrested in this marriage and me, or come next Monday I’m cutting of contact with him by 75%, and when he foes call I need an effective script ready…..and if he hasn’t stepped up by December 1st I’m filing for a divorce….I can’t take this limbo ish anymore…..I deserve to feel loved, cherished, and with a man who sees me for the sexy goddess that I am. I’m not angry with my husband….I just don’t want to feel stuck….

  456.  #456Belle on September 25, 2012 at 9:17 am

    That is cracking me up, I have been listening to the CD for the past 3 week
    again 🙂

    You might as well!!!

  457.  #457Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 9:18 am

    cocokisses sounds like you are setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Though I would also start immediately cdating. That way you see possibilities and options so you can clearly tell if he is not treating you the way you want to be treated.

  458.  #458Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

    I feel better. Lunch made me feel better. I still have all these questions though:

    what am I doing or not doing that makes men feel compelled to approach me, talk to me, and yet not ask me for coffee or anything? It makes me feel unattractive.

    why do some men stare at me but not approach, even when I open my heart and smile and am warm and inviting?

    how am I closing myself off?

  459.  #459MissStix on September 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Hmmm but it feels very difficult to go home hehe but I will!! mmm yes.

  460.  #460Belle on September 25, 2012 at 9:23 am


    My heart feels all sunny and bubbly, thank you for receiving
    it’s a blessing to know what I’ve learned on my path is a blessing to others 😀

  461.  #461Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

    @442 Daria – “also i feel like running away anyway LOl so this make s it easier on me”

    why do you feel like running away?

  462.  #462Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Ive thought of a great activity to inspire my children if they read a traumatic story… to say.. that story isnt finished, and thats why it feels bad… if you think of a way to end it that feels good, that would help the story out

    and i can help if you want

  463.  #463Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

    lama – hehe i feel ‘shy’ to meet this blind date guy, im triggered!

    his voice sounded great on the phone!!!

    aaacccck!! 😀 😀

  464.  #464Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:26 am


  465.  #465bloom-ing on September 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

    ooooooh daria. yummy that sounds lovely

  466.  #466Radlove on September 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

    What should I do? Should I cry? Fly? Die? Sigh? Ask why? Get high? Say oh my? Say good bye? Eat some pie? Get with another guy?

  467.  #467Radlove on September 25, 2012 at 9:31 am


    445 – “Radlove, that’s a toughie. Can you work with the kids and do some writing ‘on the side’, freelance?
    Do you have that opportunity?”

    Thanks, that is where my thoughts are going, too. I am just thinking about it. Also, I talked with the friend who currently works there as an RN, asking for her advice. She thinks if I were to get the formal CNA training, I would be paid higher. She said just discuss with them honestly where I’m at and ask for their advice.

  468.  #468coco kisses on September 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

    @feminine woman…..I have mixed feelings about cdating while being legally married….although going out with a man who makes me feel delicious would be what the doctor ordered 🙂

  469.  #469coco kisses on September 25, 2012 at 9:33 am

    @ I am butterfly…it is amazing what a good meal can do

  470.  #470Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 9:33 am

    @ 432 Daria

    Thanks for sharing the link! I will be looking into it an a while.

  471.  #471LiliBee on September 25, 2012 at 9:34 am



    I felt so smiley reading about your day.

    You dropped off his radar.

    Don’t we feel more special when we lean back and they come looking for us.

  472.  #472coco kisses on September 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

    @ I am butterfly… are fabulous….when you go out, you have to say to yourself I am the air that all these men need to breathe….to make me feel confident I wear a great pair of heels and my favorites perfume

  473.  #473Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

    He has stomach virus, still quite weak

  474.  #474Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 9:40 am

    @470 coco kisses – aww, thanks I feel smiley reading that. So, it seems my main problem is confidence? that feels right. I need to be more confident! I have nothing to be not confident about!

  475.  #475Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 9:40 am

    coco I understand how you feel about the not cdating (or loyalty) but it obviously is not working for you.

  476.  #476Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

    sounds like horsecrap

  477.  #477coco kisses on September 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

    @feminine woman…..its not about the loyalty as it is I don’t feel good about starting anything new if I have unfinished business….ironically as I was reading your last comment he texted me asking me what time I git home tonight…

  478.  #478Tam on September 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Memulo, not too weak to pick up the phone…..let me guess, you called him?

  479.  #479coco kisses on September 25, 2012 at 9:46 am

    @ feminine woman….what sounds like horse crap??….I feel surprised to see you say something like that…

  480.  #480Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Some great words from Dominique:-

    Dominique says:

    @ Femininewoman 372

    Thanks for pointing out that Dominique’s post.

    I understand it encourages to continue to be warm & open to him. Even in a situation he only wants friends and I am also attracted to him? And we have only met once…

    Right now I feel reluctant to do it. Like putting myself into a position to get hurt by his lack of romantic interest.


  481.  #481Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 9:50 am

    @ Femininewoman

    How are your fingers doing?

  482.  #482Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

    @ Tam 403

    Thanks for the hug Tam!

    And good luck with your granddad tomorrow!

    Good to read about your father acknowledging the situation a bit. 🙂

  483.  #483Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

    @ Tam 403

    Thanks for the hug Tam!

    And good luck with your granddad tomorrow!

    Good to read about your father acknowledging the situation a bit. 🙂

  484.  #484Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Fingers are doing well Ulii. Just the middle one still a bit sore and have some healing to do. Thanks for asking.

    cocokisses – borrowing some of Rori’s words. I was referring to the stomach virus.

  485.  #485Tam on September 25, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Thank you ulii, I did need that twice, the ‘good luck’, believe me 😉

  486.  #486Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Amazing – hugs! keep circular dating… lean back don’t contact first, YES get online!

    and… the only way you know is when a man consistently pursues you and asks you for commitment – with a ring asking for marriage and plan for life together

    so keep dating, dont get attached! kudos to you for dropping the man that wasn’t stepping up as you would’ve wanted

  487.  #487Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Tam – thank goodness all is not lost with your dad.

  488.  #488Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 9:56 am

    My neighbor that was walking his dog who stopped to talk to me. I’m thinking about my interaction with him.

    He started talking to me because of my license plate, because he was from the same place.

    and I told him I had been here about seven years. and when I asked him how long HE had lived here, he said about 24 years.

    Whoa! He couldn’t have lived where I’m from for very long. I didn’t ask how old he was, but I would say mid thirties if I had to guess.

    I felt like he really just wanted an excuse to talk to me…

    I’m just remembering that interaction because he had his dog with him. His dog was REALLY friendly and cute. I asked the man if his dog was friendly, because I know a dog who can START friendly and get REALLY vicioius if you make one wrong move.

    then he asked me if I was afraid of dogs?
    and I said “no.”

    but I wonder if he was feeling my fear of HIM instead of the dog?

    I don’t remember feeling afraid of him.
    I felt surprised.
    I felt a little sad, because I had just gotten done bawling my eyes out.

    I guess I did feel a little wary of him, because he figured out where I lived and parked my car.

    did my fear keep him at a distance?
    did my fear make him second guess asking me to do something with him?

    I feel curious…

    I just want to understand why men approach without following up with plans…

  489.  #489Daria on September 25, 2012 at 9:57 am

    yay for Feminine Woman’s fingers! so happy to hear taht !!!! wwooooh i feel happy!

  490.  #490Heart on September 25, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Tam – awwwr Im glad your dad fessed up…now u can feel more at ease.

  491.  #491Starla on September 25, 2012 at 9:59 am

    memulo, giiiiiiiirl you are always second guessing yourself with this man.

    are you actually always like this with any man you take an interest in?

    i have this image of your adrenals just exhausted from the anxiety.

  492.  #492Daria on September 25, 2012 at 10:00 am

    coco kisses – oh! CD is NOT about starting somethng new… its about learning about YOU and healing – its excellent free therapy

    its not about getting with a new man at all – seems crazy but it works so lovely to keep the focus on you

    and get clear, inspire even past men to step up


  493.  #493LiliBee on September 25, 2012 at 10:00 am


    Thank You BW.

    I feel good to have you for support and encouragement.
    I hope I do the same for you.

    I see how my inconsistent behaviour of wanting a relationship while walking out at the same time, shows lack of integrity on my part and does not inspire him to trust me.

    It’s the 1st time ever he opened up and was completely honest with me.
    I was open to hearing him out, and I am still receiving what he was saying.
    I accept how he feels.

    The fact that he put aside all the gameplaying and was straight did something for me.
    I feel more inspired to respect him and his space.
    I can see how I would feel trusting if a man were to be straight with me instead of walking away and hide.
    I feel manipulated when he avoids and hides things from me, and that makes me feel mistrustful.
    This heart to heart with him really helped cimented what I want, and how I can inspire it.

    I dropped the tough girl walking out act and got real.
    No manipulating to get on top of the situation and gain control.

    Sometimes I think What if I just found a man who is honest and straightforward?
    The fact is, if we want to attract such a man, we have to be that way ourselves 1st.
    We can’t change the man we have, but we can inspire by changing ourselves.
    What if he felt safe to be honest and straight?
    I can inspire him to feel safe by really listening and accepting what he has to say.
    I respect that he has doubts and needs space to think and put things in perspective.
    I even feel grateful for it, as it allows me my own space to heal.

    This experience has definitely cimented what kind of relationship I really want, and has strengthened my desire for it.

  494.  #494Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

    @ Iamabutterfly

    You definitely sound very attractive & fabulous person. And from what you write, it seems you “draw men in” everywhere you go. But maybe there is a little vibe of being afraid of getting hurt. And that is probably holding some men back. But you have a lot to be confident about, I feel more than sure.

  495.  #495BAB on September 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Im feeling angry, hurt, put on the back burner and forgotten.. Gotta take my mind of him… ughhh

  496.  #496LiliBee on September 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

    I feel a good positive feeling shift in my vibe today.

    I woke up feeling motivated and energized.
    My thoughts feel clear.

    I feel motivated to take care of me.

  497.  #497Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 10:06 am

    LiliBee if I may give you some feedback too I have to admit that the coolness and aloofness that I was experiencing have now disappeared from your comments. You now feel more like a real human being living a real life. I can almost say that I can really feel you. Almost like I can reach out and you are there.

  498.  #498Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 10:06 am


    It’s partially because I feel uncomfortable with some tools. I feel that I am not 100% myself when I am using them. And scared to make a mistake

  499.  #499Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I believe I experience Iamabutterfly as a kind of inquisitor. Wanting so desperately to know and to understand so maybe unintentionally dialling up the intensity.

  500.  #500Starla on September 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

    so you’ve only been like this with SmartCD?

  501.  #501LiliBee on September 25, 2012 at 10:10 am

    My muscle stiffness is all gone.
    I feel free, flowy, flexible.

  502.  #502Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Starla, no;) with other men that I cared about as well

  503.  #503Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 10:17 am

    @492 Ulii – aw, thanks. I feel really blushy reading that I “draw men in” wherever I go. I think I do…sometimes! when I’m ovulating. lol. 🙂

    @497 Feminine Woman – I feel curious about this, which feels funny, because you read me as an inquisitor! I do feel curious/inquisitive a lot, I suppose.

    I wonder if my “trying to understand” does dial up the intensity? maybe I lean forward unintentionally, wondering just what the intentions of the men are?

    ugh, I feel frustrated.

    These sayings feel good:

    “Keep it light enough to travel.”
    “Loving you is fun.”

    I feel like I used to be so much more fun than i am now. I need to stop worrying about getting hurt, stop worrying about “intentions,” and just get out there, lean back, feel playful, and have fun.

    I feel kind of embarassed.
    I want to change my vibe.
    I want it to feel lighter, warmer, more welcoming, inviting, less serious, less heavy.

    maybe that’s it…

  504.  #504Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Iamabutterfly I agree with Ulii and really believe your anxiety needs some time for you to work through it. There really is no need for urgency.

  505.  #505Memulo on September 25, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I should also say that men is pretty much the only area in my life where I feel so crazy. Everywhere else I am more or less cool and not afraid to make decisions

  506.  #506Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 10:21 am

    @ Femininewoman

    Happy about your fingers healing FW!!!

  507.  #507Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I want to experiment!
    I want to tease men. one up them.
    I love it when they get nervous around me. Even though it shows they are not as confident as is ideal, I think it’s so cute. I need to play with them.

    I really “love” younger men in their early twenties, and they seem to “love” me too. There is something really innocent and playful about them, and I have the security and maturity that girls their age are still developing.

    Speaking of which, SeenmecryCDs gf brushed past me the other day. I smiled at her. She looked so unhappy and threatened by me!

    I feel sorry for her. She is so young (younger than me), has already been married, and was left by her first husband.

    Maybe that’s why she’s so insecure and feels threatened by me.

    aw, that feels sad. 🙁

  508.  #508Miss Bells on September 25, 2012 at 10:22 am

    The big deal here is that he is initiating. He clearly wants to spend time with me even now that I have another place.
    Also–I said what I wanted–the intimate stuff.
    I told him I would load the book onto the kindle formatter in two versions and he would have to look and choose.
    So that may happen tonight.

  509.  #509Iamabutterfly on September 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

    @502: Femininewoman

    “…really believe your anxiety needs some time for you to work through it. There really is no need for urgency.”

    Thank you for your support. i can feel that you care and it feels great.

    I feel kind of sad reading this, though.

    That word feels curious.
    I do have extreme fear of never marrying.
    of being a freak, incapable of giving and receiving love.
    I was actually having panic attacks when I first discovered Rori.
    Whenever I had to be alone for an extended period of time (Holidays feel really sad for me when I can’t be with loved ones) and felt hopelessly lonely, it would get to the point where WHEN I was around people, I would start to feel extreme anxiety and paranoia. Like they were thinking “what’s wrong with her?” or feeling sorry for me and I HATE having people feel sorry for me.

    It’s so hard in “church culture” where it feels like most marry young to the first person they ever deeply love and have lives relatively free of heartache.

    It was honestly difficult for me to find people to connect with when i was experiencing all that rejection and confusion so many years ago. I had never felt so alone in all my life.

  510.  #510Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Even though it shows they are not as confident as is ideal,

    Not sure I agree with that Iamabutterfly. It might be just that you are so magnetic they get nervous.

  511.  #511Miss Bells on September 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Daria–I am thinking about the online thing.
    It may be different over 50 or 55.
    I have NEVER been contacted by a dateable man, over a seven year period.
    I have changed my photos, my about section and my name.
    The men in the proper age group, and even some older then me by 10 years, are chasing the 40 somethings.
    Or I get an occasional blatant sex come-on from a 30 something guy.
    But mostly one liners from men that are very far away, scary looking, and semi-illiterate.
    But it is the age thing that is the worst.
    On the other hand–in real life–the men in my bracket and one up talk to me, engage with me, and call me.
    That is why I love MeetUp and why I get out of the house all the time. If I were shy it might be different.
    I also have almost 5000 direct connections on Facebook, and 3000 fans. I go to lots of business things out of town that are full of men–maybe not all single but some are.
    So I don’t really feel like I’m avoiding anything worthwhile by pulling the profiles.
    Also–OK Cupid has the questions to determine personality. I answered 800 of them, with none about sex. Yet they have me as MORE KINKY and MORE EXPERIENCED in SEX as the top bars. I have Xed out all the questions, but the personality analysis remained the same. I have written to them to no avail.
    I started another profile and answered more questions and the same thing happened. THis is just not for me.
    It makes me feel cheap. I can do better.

  512.  #512Ulii on September 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

    @ 502 Femininewoman

    Wow! I feel so good to read you agree with me. Like a bit honoured even.. 🙂 Funny that a little remark can make such a positive impact. 🙂
    I feel about you a bit similar way I used to feel about my very respected & loved favorite teachers & professors at school and later at university. Like mix of admiration & a bit afraid of them but really wanting them to notice me and really interested in what they had to say. 🙂

  513.  #513Goddess Lily on September 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

    FW, my sister thinks I should initiate contact with those nervous guys. I don’t know how I feel about that.

  514.  #514Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

    RE 508 I could have wrote that Iamabutterfly. Trust me it is a lie that they live free of heartache. As you get older you will start hearing the stories. Things aren’t always what they seem.

  515.  #515Femininewoman on September 25, 2012 at 10:41 am