“You Get Love” Support Group Teleclass Starting on Monday and Thursday!

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Hi, Sirens – My “You Get Love” 6-week support group coaching teleclass is starting up on Monday, Sept 5 and Thursday, Sept 8th (two different sessions) – to find out how it works, go here – http://www.coachrori.com/teleclass

Also – If you’re a client or have ever taken a class with me – you can “Drop-In” to any class this session – just let my assistant, Melanie@CoachRori.com, know if you’d like to drop-in, and she’ll send you the link (I only give out the information personally so I can keep the class small).

(Fees are only $110 per class to drop-in – and you’ll get: 15 to 20 minutes one-on-one time working with me, the full 2 class hours of me talking, scripting and working with other women on the same things you may be working on, and you’ll get access to the full 24 hours of recordings, too!)

Look forward to perhaps working with you.

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 3, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    hhhhhmmmm thanks for the offer

  2.  #2Ella on September 3, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    DE & Daria,

    From last thread… thanks for sharing your coaching session.

    I feel fascinated and interested.

    I loved the stuff about facilitating anger… and the reminder not to analyse… great reminder.

    My only job is to respond.

    I too often feel an urge to reach out when I feel lonely or afraid that I have pushed someone away.

    Feels good to hear about riffing with body feelings instead. I will use that.

    Esp now as I am working on de-cluttering my life. And will be having more space to feel my feelings and sitting with urges instead of taking actions.

    Thanks Sirens.


  3.  #3Jilly on September 3, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Hey Sirens πŸ™‚

    I just ordered Commitment Blueprint last night and I am LOVING it! πŸ™‚ I just got home from spending the day at the pool with one of my best girlfriends and I feel happy and excited to just cuddle up on the couch and continue watching…

    hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend πŸ™‚

  4.  #4Senior Lady Vibe on September 3, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Hello world. I am thankful for Amresh.



  5.  #5Ella on September 3, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Wow… another 2 just came back into contact again… that is 3 who have cycled back in the last 3 days… 2 of whom I honestly never expected to hear from again.

    I had written them off.

    So weird… is it our vibe, curiousness when we don’t lean forwards… the fact that we are Sirens, our openess?

    I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter either!

    I heard other Sirens talk about how the men nearly always come back, and I just kinda thought ‘yeah, but that won’t happen to me!’

    And it did, and does… frequently bordering on always…

    And it feels good although usually by then (now) I am feeling very blase about any man who has not stuck around and stepped up!

    Yay for me.

    And you know what else, I just don’t care too much at all atm… I am so busy with my own life.

    And so looking forward to ‘de-cluttering’ my life… they (the men) will just have to get in where they fit in (in the nicest possible way, cus I love them all πŸ˜‰ )


    Feeling tired now and nearly ready to sleep.

  6.  #6Ella on September 3, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    But it feels great/comforting to know that they always come back around.

    Very much easier to be in the moment with them, and not worry about or care too much if they disappear for a bit.

    Awww, I am feeling all soft towards men right now.

  7.  #7Mel on September 3, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Had two (yes two!) dates today. The first seemed really awkward. Like it was pulling teeth to get him to say anything. I felt myself wanting to jump-start the conversation. From this I learned that it’s really important to me to have a partner that I can happily converse with. That conversation is important to me.

    So later I was rewarded with a GREAT evening date with a fabulous conversationalist. I had a really nice time laughing and chatting and flirting. I think I do a lot of my flirting in conversation. Little friendly jabs and playfulness. Perhaps that’s why I like guys that can “play” along.

    He must have thought it went well too because I had a text on my phone when I got home saying he had a great time and perhaps we should get together again next week.

    I know this was leaning forward a bit, but I texted to bee guy: “I feel curious about tomorrow. I haven’t heard from you, so I may make other plans.” This was because someone else had invited me out for a boat ride, but I wasn’t sure if I should accept since I already had tentative plans with D.

    He texted back that he was sorry for not being more clear… he just assumed I would know without a doubt that he wanted to go. That he was looking forward to it. Hmmmm…. then why would he hold back on making the plans final? Time for an “I feel best when I don’t have to finalize plans.” message.

    How are the other sirens doing out there tonight?

  8.  #8Tmizz on September 3, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    haha. Looks like I skipped one next thread, and we’re already on a new one πŸ˜‰

    DE – I just wanted to thank you for your comments about my strange night on Thursday.

    It felt good to know that you would have done the same πŸ™‚

    I wish I could have done what I did with more “generosity.” It just felt weird that he *expected* that generosity from me – like it was given even before I had a chance to consider whether I wanted to give it or not. And when I did consider it, it was definitely “not.” But on the other hand, sometimes we have to do things that we don’t really want to do.

    He said it meant a lot to him.

    And I felt a little bad later about stating my “boundaries” after the fact. It felt like – why am I asserting my needs, and what’s going on with me, when his pain is obviously so huge and great? Did he really need that? I felt like it came across as if I were “lecturing” him. ugh.

    But the fact is, yes, it DID force me to think – a LOT – about my own generosity, how it shows up in my life, how I experience it, and how it operates in my life. What my limitations are, and what reasons there might be for those limitations, and do I need those limitations? What other areas am I limited in which I don’t need to be?

    Or what’s the reason (or reasons) that I profoundly feel that I don’t have the “personal resources” to be as generous as I might otherwise be?

    So yeah. You betcha that it made me think.

    The opportunity was not lost on me πŸ™‚

    And that’s what I love…

    The way I see it, he was a little bit of G-d showing up – not to “test” me, per se – but to be there, to ask me, and to see what I would do. I don’t know if doing the “right thing” always feels good. But I know for sure that doing the wrong thing almost always feels bad and icky and wrong.

    Thanks for the hugs!


  9.  #9Tmizz on September 3, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    Hi Mel!!

    That’s great to hear about your two dates. πŸ™‚

    And it sounds even greater about your dinner date! Yay!

    I feel iffy about non-committing Sunday date guy. he “just assumed” you knew that he was excited and looking forward to it? How were you supposed to know that? You’re an expert mind-reader? now, I know if I were in your position, I would want to say, oh, ok, I’ll go out with you. But he sounds wishy-washy for some reason. Whereas the boat ride sounds fun!!

    I mean, heck, if you wanted to, you could go all bad-as$ and tell him that you’re going to be doing something else. It’s complicated that you had “tentative” plans, though. hm….

    Although, I’ll have to say, I probably feel triggered by this right now, because I seem to feel like *everyone* is flaking on me right now. Guys, especially, but sometimes friends and other people. And it’s possible – gotta admit – I’ve been a bit of a “flake” on a couple of occasions. But I generally make a concerted effort NOT to be a flake. In fact, I probably put in too much effort, generally. My efforts are rarely rewarded, it seems. While I’m busy doing what I can to “show up” for people, to be there, on time, ready to go, etc. – everyone else is busy flaking on me, rendering all my efforts basically nada. It feels so…vacant. it’s like, here I am, I care about not being a flake, and no one else gives a sh*t. At least that’s the way it seems. I don’t know why. Even people who, at the beginning, appear to be very non-flaky.

    I’m wondering where this comes from inside me. Which parts of me feel “invisible,” “unworthy,” and why I assume that I’m not *worth* showing up for. Why I assume that no one would *want* to show up. Why no one would want to follow through. Because I’m obviously not good enough.

    Oy. There it is. That low self-esteem, I thought for sure I was “raising” somehow.


    I definitely feel I am making some progress, though. Overall, I feel better. Even when guys don’t call me back, I’m not getting bent out of shape about it. I figure, they are probably doing me a favor, because they realized they weren’t right for me. (And they know how awesome I am, too;) And how do I know they *won’t* get back in touch? how do I know – even if they did – that I would want them? πŸ˜‰ haha. See? I’m so powerful and wonderful. I don’t even know my own power – I probably have more than I think!

    Also, I practiced literally leaning back today, at the bus stop. And it worked – after a fashion.

    The guy who seemed to be checking me out finally looked directly at me and smiled, making eye contact. I did speak first, but I was glad that I did. (he had a thick accent that was hard to understand). We had a little conversation, and that was it. It didn’t go anywhere. But it felt good for a moment.

    Next time, maybe I will lean back even more…

  10.  #10Tmizz on September 3, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    p.s. I want to try “not giving a sh*t”

    If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em – right?

    Just got to figure out how to do that now πŸ˜‰

  11.  #11Mel on September 3, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Hey Tmizz,

    Agreed. I feel a little “iffy” about it too. I’m starting to get the impression that he’s used to women rowing the boat and making things happen. He will be good lean back practice for me. If I were a better siren, I would have just accepted the boat ride and said nothing to D at all unless he inquired about plans. The boat ride was an “open invitation” so I can take J up on it any time… But in retrospect, I should have just overrided my Sunday tentative plans with REAL plans. I don’t want to have to text a guy asking if we have plans or not…

    Lean back… no future contact unless he makes the first move! Either he steps up, or he goes to the back of the bus. πŸ˜‰ Especially since there ARE men who DO want to make plans with me!

  12.  #12alias girl on September 3, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    #6 ella. aw. yes.

  13.  #13alias girl on September 3, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    mel you sound so great in your cding adventures. i must admit i feel jealous. πŸ™ on the other hand, it just means that is what is up ahead for me!

    either way YOU sound great and i am enjoying reading of your cding. πŸ™‚

  14.  #14alias girl on September 3, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    i am going to try a new experiment.

    haha. i feel excited.

    haha. and amused.

  15.  #15Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 1:27 am

    I’m not sure I understand why it’s good to “not care” if a CD contacts us again or not. Then I’m really not interested, if I don’t care.
    I feel confused about this. I want to care because I want to be interested. If I don’t care, then where is teh spark? Where is the interest? Why bother responding to a text or a call when we don’t even care?
    Hmm. I feel like it’s a lot of wasted energy.

  16.  #16Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 1:30 am

    I do care if recycledCD contacts me. I do care if DallasCD contacts me. If I didn’t care, I’d scratch them off the list and be at square one again.
    I feel confused and off balance atm.

    I don’t want to spend time with a guy who does not itnerest me in the least. I’ve tried to, and it’s almost impossible for me to practice the tools because I don’t want them to like me at all.

    Kinda funny, cuz one cd that I really don’t care about, the brainy guy from a few weeks back…wanted me to travel to him and I said no I’d feel more comfortable if he met me up here, etc., and he said he’d let me know if he’s in my area, but doesn’t come up here much.
    See ya! I feel bored with him already.

  17.  #17Daria on September 4, 2011 at 3:21 am

    Emerson – but you just Did practice the tools by holding on to your boundary with brainy guy! way to go!

  18.  #18Daria on September 4, 2011 at 3:38 am

    omg my dream … wow… so involved

    there was a beginning part when a guy was likea zombie terminator and was like in an airplane room or something

    i think i was one of the agents who worked with him or something

    he was eating human body parts for food at one point?

    it all seemed like a state of emergency


    then i moved to going downtown in my lil town i live in in cali… and was going for sushi with a buncha ppl

    and then it turned out my homegirl from highschool worked there

    and i had to squeeze in in the back at a table with a bunch of people

    i think it was my indian homies and one of them’s brother had gotten shot and they felt sad.

    and then when we left from there i got a whole bunch a weed like half an ounce

    and i was gonna walk up a few blocks to my og friend’s house

    i don’t know how and what happened but

    the rest of them did too

    and i veered off at one point and ran into somebody i had gotten a pinch of 2 other kinds of weed too

    in my pockets and i had my big black coat on

    and i actually ran into my og friend he was going in somebody’s yard and told me to meet him at his house

    so i walked that way
    and then when i was going up i saw the police was on every corner at an intersection and they had stopped my group of friends from downtown who had walked uop together

    so i dont even kno why but decided this is a good idea to just slide by now that they were busy

    so i started walking fast up but a female cop noiticed me and started walking in front of me

    so i stopped

    well it turned out she was pregnant and really sweet and she was just giving me advice about how tocommunicate with police officers

    she patted me down but didn’t go in my pockets so the weed was still there after

    and i was thinking Ive GOT to get a Club Card

    then i got in a car i dono how but a girl named nicole with 2 braids was with me , a guy with long hair and a girl i went to hs named julia

    we were all gonna smoke so we were tryna park but it kept being red curb

    and i was talking with the guy about what i had heard downtown and also about how im on probation and i got to get my Club Card or else even though its only an infraction it can violate my probation to have weed on me

    so we went over to the side of the neighborhood where Nicole lived and i tried to park i was on a bike now though

    and then this little dog with a braid was around and i was scared even though it wasnt doing anything

    and then my friend had a rhyme about how you’ve never seen a dog till you seen a chinese dog, so foreign it even checks my pockets. – it doesn’t really make sense but it was amusing inside the dream.to think the dog with its little paws was checking his pockets. ( i feel scared i don’t want people to think im racist and it was not meant to mean chinese People check pockets or anything. )

    — that reminds me earlier in the dream, i had a pet squirrel who talked! — and was smart! smarter than a cat

    — ok so then nicole says she doesnt really want to hang out by herself, and i didnt really want to smoke at her house and then drive and possibly get stopped, so now im like ok i can take you all to my og friends house then

    but i was a lil worried cuz driving i could still be gtting pulle d over even if its just a few blocks

    and then some more of my indian homies and some asian homies came up there, and i was like are you guys ok, i heard there was some sad stuff and some drama. and then they’re like oh we’re good, and then my friend says, yeah some good guys got knocked off, but that means more money out there for everybody

    and then i started singing and made up “more money more problems, that’s what they say….. i dono i dono cuz i just seem to get it anywaaaaay …. ”

    and they sang with me and i felt very cool for making up a rhyme hehe

    and then i woke up

    and felt relieved to be out of my lil everyday hood dream

  19.  #19Daria on September 4, 2011 at 3:50 am

    the link on the teleclass doesn’t work for me, it says internal server error. and it didn’t work for me on FB either…

    does it work for anyone else?

  20.  #20English Woman on September 4, 2011 at 4:01 am

    #19 Daria

    It works just fine for me.

  21.  #21Daria on September 4, 2011 at 4:27 am

    okay this felt weird last nite

    so i started drinking raspberry leaf tea – its good for strengthening the uterus

    so maybe cuz of this i felt a bit more turned on and interested in pleasuring myself

    because for like almost a month i hadn’t been interested at all

    so i did

    and later i wanted to do it agian


    i dono if this is from watching porn beforehand, and i pick up energies, or from my past lives, or what

    but wow

    it felt HORRIBLE!

    i felt so much shame

    and i felt nausea and grossness

    and something reminicsent of that ‘dirty’ feeling fw mentioned that makes you want to shower

    and my mind at some point kinda ‘detaches’ and flows and gets all kindsa soudns and images

    i heard sounds like please stop

    like a lil girl saying it

    and the way i was touching my breasts… it felt like i had been touched like that and it felt icky

    i felt so ashamed humiliated awful

    – so i wanted to just keep going and feel the feelings but it felt horrrible horrible and like nauseaus everything ugh –

    what Was cool was i noticed some pulling in my brain – and ive noticed it before – and some squirty sounds around my lower abdomen

    so this time i actually made the connection that thats my GLAND in my brain getting drained (it felt a lil like it was getting drained too much, so im thinking of drinking some Vitex tea since i heard it nourishes the gland in the brain)

    and glands LITERALLY squirt liquid so that’s what was happening!

    it was not an unrelated feeling

    and also in my lower body it was my ovaries.

    namely my left ovary in particular, which i felt surprised as in the past i had noticed my right ovary as being more active and was worried my period skips on my left – butlately its gotten more regular, tho it still seems to come 2 weeks late

    now my breasts are full so my period Is wanting to come

    — well i wonder if the images, sounds, are coming from tensions held In my body

    now that i think about it, im from my dad’s side very tense in my inner hips – they dont open up very wide

    so maybe there was a rape on that side and it got tight and got passed on to me and it’s in my tissues

    i dono

    i know it felt horrible and finally at a point i was like i can’t handle this anymore im going to stop

    and i feel WHOA shocked that i actually felt such intense feelings i mean WHOA

    i did have awful images before and i had gotten some imput from tinque and that had kinda ceased

    however this was that again and more detailed as i was paying much more attention to waht was going on with me and less trying to get somewhere with it


    i really really want to heal this!

  22.  #22Daria on September 4, 2011 at 4:29 am

    English Woman – thanks! im guessing it has to do with me being in Romania then… some sites don’t work from over here

  23.  #23Daria on September 4, 2011 at 4:32 am

    i mean logically i was thinking ima beautiful goddess and my pleasuring myself is wonderful and must look beautiful and sexy

    and i was telling myself that to inspire myself

    but i was not feeling that way at all, the horrible shame and disgusting feeling felt so overwhelming

    and then i said ok i will just feel it out, but omg i couldn’t really handle it anymore

  24.  #24Daria on September 4, 2011 at 4:45 am

    maybe my brain was low in the hormones it needed so it was just freaking out and didn’t have any more to squirt and so it was making images and sounds that felt like i was getting raped

    i dono

    i see i want to pay attention to nourishing my hormone levels

  25.  #25Daria on September 4, 2011 at 4:58 am

    oh in my dream i also notice one of my oils was acutally
    evening primrose oil, and i was feeling excited to rub it on my butt to make it bigger! haha

  26.  #26Livy on September 4, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Hello again,

    It seems that I missed the last thread and everyone moved on. But here again I am new here and looking for lots of advice from you wonderful sirens. I have a huge dilema and it is driving me nuts but here goes….

    I recently reconnected with a guy. We met about 8,9 years ago when I still healing from my divorce and focusing on raising my 2 minor children. I dated briefly but that ended bc I didn’t put forth any effort and he knew. Also at that time I was also dating someone else (casually) so it didn’t feel right to me. Anyway it took some convincing (on my part) but we made it happen and the first date was wonderful after many years. The thing is this a long distance relationship so I knew from the get go it was going to be hard but he convinced otherwise. Skip forward we have been dating for almost two months. There had been occasions where I don’t hear from him (text, phone call, email) for few days but been so new I didn’t push the issue. One time when we talked I made it clear that I would like to hear from him via any forms of contact and it can be brief cause I know he’s busy (has a big job) and he said ok. He was sorry and said he needed me to “train” him and I thought I did that.

    Anyway, it is now the sixth day and I haven’t heard from him again. I’m pissed bc it seems he has so little regard for my time and effort (I responded to his last text on Tuesday). I have searched my mind and play out so many scenarios of what could happen…but I honestly don’t like this feeling. I tried to let it go by focusing on other things but it still hard. When we reconnected he was the one that told me he his exact words “just the two of us forever okay?” and asked me to promise him.
    He also wanted to make sure that I’m no longer in contact with the guy I dated for almost a year (broke up over a year ago).

    I am wicked confuse bc he had put so much effort into commuting to see me in July and. early August. I don’t know what to think or make of it bc I’ve never had a relationship (if that’s what it is) quite like this one. Hot one minute cold the next. I am quite an attractive
    woman, fit and educated so I know I don’t have a problem getting dates. The problem with me is that I hate dating scenes and usually lack effort and motivation so I don’t go out much. The other problem I have is that I seem to get hung up on one guy.

    So now what should I do?? I’m pissed
    off and I’ve been thinking that if he calls or texts me I would casually take as much time to get back (if at all) but that seems like playing games. I did tell him that I’m not interested in playing games and my feelings are honest and true. I don’t want to drive myself nuts but ironically I found out (accidentally) that when he went to visit his family a few weeks back he met up with a
    woman from his town. Not sure if they are
    just friends or he’s hooking up with her! But she seems fond of him and called him “handsome” and sounds very proud, and, well somehow “connected” to him?

    What does it mean in this scenario? Holiday weekend and someone you’re dating just disappeared and you have no clue???? Sorry for the long and winded email and rambling sentences ladies. I just need to get this off my chest and hopefully getting some advice. I can take any…serious! I even thought about
    forgetting the whole thing with him and move on bc right now I’m not happy. Only problem is I REALLY like him!

    still broken hearted….

  27.  #27Ella on September 4, 2011 at 6:12 am

    Hey Emerson,

    I left you a reply on the last thread…

    Re 15 & 16

    The point is to practice. I know how rubbish and boring this can feel when you have no interest in them… and yet it has REALLY helped me…

    To practice my boundaries, expressing my feelings etc… in safe environment because you don’t care what happens.

    Then when Mr Hot, who you do like, comes along, you are ready and can still express boundaries, use FMs because it is a habit.

    If you have not done the practice they will often go out the window as you get all gaga over Mr Hot. And then the relationship won’t work.

    Its not so much about not caring, as not really noticing if they disappear for a bit, because you are a Siren and you are busy with your life, and you know that your man will stick with you.

    Plus they all come back anyway.

    And that raises your vibe.

    Plus, I believe I am correct in saying that the women who are in relationships are often in them with men with whom they did not feel a big ‘spark’ with initially, and the attraction grew slowly instead.

    Just some ideas for you anyway.


  28.  #28Mel on September 4, 2011 at 7:32 am

    So it’s raining and we’re not able to go se the bees (they are grumpy in the rain). D still wants to do something fun. This is good. I was wondering if this was all about the bees and I was just a means to an end.

    Told him I’m going to Ikea and he wants to come… Apparently he loves Ikea… LOL This feels really chummy. That’s okay, I need chums too. I just don’t turn down boat rides for chums. Good to know! πŸ˜‰

    Although he said he found some bee documentaries for me and wondered if I might like to go over to his place after and watch. Man! This guy is sooooo hard to read! Lean back Mel! Let him come to you (or not).

    This should be an interesting day! πŸ™‚

  29.  #29Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 8:08 am

    Hi Ella it feels good to hear your words of encouragement. I know I need to practice. I freeze up as it is, I don’t feel natural with the tools yet. I think one thing I need to do is just keep quiet and not chatter, as well as not overfunctioning. I know I overfunctioned last weekend with recycled. I caught myself but then I did it anyway.

    I feel that sense of urgency that’s not good.

    It feels very triggering and every day I think about the biological clock ticking. Strange because when I was younger, I didn’t care so much at all. I just figured the guy I was with would eventually marry me and we would have kids. I let too much time pass. Feel sad about that. πŸ™„

    Suddenly it just hit me about 2 years ago. 😯 I know this is messing up my vibe, and I want to heal this.

    DallasCD was accepting and kind and didnt make any kind of negative comment when I said I would still like to have one baby. Some people make weird comments when you’re 40 already. I appreciate that he was nice.

  30.  #30Mel on September 4, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Argh! D is driving me crazy! I get a text from him saying “sorry… i decided to go to the gym… so go ahead without me. You can still come over around 6 to watch movies, but I gotta get to bed early, so can’t stay up late.” WTF?!

    I texted back… You seem very busy. It would feel so nice to see you, but I don’t want feel like I’m imposing. What do you think?

    He said “I am very busy, sadly. But I am looking forward to seeing you….”

    I’m going to be all over those FM’s tonight! lol

    No matter! I’m off to run my errands, and I called another CD to see if he wanted to meet for coffee. He’s been trying to schedule something with me and I’ve been too busy. Now I’m not.

  31.  #31Mel on September 4, 2011 at 9:00 am

    This is just a prime example of how guys just do what they do, when they feel like doing it and are always looking out for #1. I need to be more like that. I actually am starting to admire that quality.

  32.  #32Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 9:07 am

    @ Mel I like your reply to D…
    Ack I felt bad reading what he said…I can’t stay up late, etc., but like you said he’s looking out for #1 and clear about boundaries, etc. so I could take a lesson from that as well..

    I feel so ‘OFF’…I soo want to heal this. I feel ignored by recycledCD because even though he’s working he could at least call me. The fact that he’s not makes me wonder if he lied and he really went away for the weekend or if he is working really and just doesn’t want to call me. I don’t like it either way. It makes me feel sad and lonely and not happy at all.

    I feel like maybe I just need to move away for a while, I feel very stagnant where I am. I don’t want to live here for the rest of my life. I really really do not.

    And it feels weird to meet guys and then think about telling them, I want to move away. People have jobs and such. Sirens what do you think?

  33.  #33Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 9:12 am

    regarding recycledCD…maybe he’s rubber banding???

  34.  #34Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Eeek I am obsessing. Want to stop. 😯
    I feel tight in my neck and back.
    My throat feels like a tight knot
    and that feels like
    My nose tingling and holding my breath
    taking a big breath and close my eyes

    I am scared I won’t feel the spark for a new guy
    like I do for recycledCD

    I WANT that spark with my partner!! I don’t want to be with a guy that I don’t have a spark with! I feel scared that I will never find it!
    That feels like choked up panic feeling in my throat and head…
    I so so so want to heal this….it’s not good

  35.  #35Mel on September 4, 2011 at 9:17 am


    I bet he’s really working. Guys have a way of being able to focus completely on stuff and not have us enter their minds at all until they are finished the job at hand.

    I get the wanting to run away feeling. Europe didn’t work out for me (this year) but I decided that I would at least move into the city and look at it as a new experience. A chance to reinvent myself and discover my new surroundings, even if they are not as exotic/interesting. It’s working well so far!

    D’s subsequent texts were all “reassuring” and stating how he wants to see me and it will be a great time. Maybe I believe him. Maybe he’s just super tired and knows how to state his boundaries very well. I still don’t know where he’s at feelings wise with me. He’s definitely not showing his attraction like some others are! πŸ™‚

  36.  #36T-Girl on September 4, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Mel, the first thing that hits me is that D is saying this by text. I think if he was really trying to be reassuring that he would have called instead?

    Are you planning on going over to watch movies? I don’t know that I would…

  37.  #37T-Girl on September 4, 2011 at 10:43 am


    Do you have Rori’s e-book? I think it would benefit you alot. What you need to do is start taking care of yourself and start CDing other men. Get the focus off of him and back onto yourself.

  38.  #38Ella on September 4, 2011 at 10:44 am


    You sound EXACTLY like me a few months ago… I was saying all the things you are saying about not wanting to be with a guy with no spark… etc

    I don’t think its actually no spark, its just different, healthier.

    There are lots of guys I would still say no to marrying if it didn’t feel right.

    Regarding wanting recycled CD to call, and worrying about what is going on with him… yeah I can relate to that, and tbh its easier (although challenging at first) to let go of the expectations, and not expect anything…

    And re-focus elsewhere. This is also where the CD-ing comes in, cus your energy gets taken up elsewhere, and for me, suddenly I am having a good time with another guy when I didn’t expect to, and have totally forgotten who I was obsessing over before!


    Also helps to have loads in your life to focus on… I am lucky in that way, although for me I am actually trying to simplify my life.

    Regarding the baby thing… I am a bit younger than you and I still worry about it sometimes… And just recently I have stopped really caring (or again maybe not stopped caring I have just let go) if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t, ok I might feel sad, but I would be fine.

    I still have a great life. Not all women have children. And plus I can always adopt.

    And then again it may well happen too.

    Who knows I have just let go of the outcome quite a lot and am focused on what I do have which a lot of my friends with children don’t! Freedom, time for myself and no ties. Woohoo. I love that.

    Plus if it helps any I know a woman who recently had a baby at 46 years old, and she is a single lesbian woman so she had the baby on her own. She is loving it, is a great Mum and is very happy.

    Now I am not saying for a minute that it will be like this for you. I am sure you will get married to a great guy and have babies… but I am saying that even going with the tiny chance you didn’t, there are other ways.

    Sounds like you are doing BRILLIANT!


  39.  #39Mel on September 4, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Hey T-Girl,

    I think I might go… but only because I don’t have other plans for tonight. I’m going with no expectations at all and viewing it as if I were going to hang out with a friend for the evening. I’ll let him show me how he wants things to proceed.

    I do have a nice date planned for tomorrow though. Boat ride guy proposed going to the art museum. Today wasn’t good boating weather anyway.

    All is good as it should be! πŸ™‚

  40.  #40alias girl on September 4, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    #31 mel me too.

  41.  #41DE on September 4, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    Livy #26:

    Well, I feel happy to see you here on the blog…and for having shared your story…

    I feel sad hearing the heartache you feel right now…

    I relate to your story πŸ™ I spent many holidays alone…while in imaginary relationships…which yours appears to be πŸ™

    The best way to start is purchase Rori’s ebook Have the Relatiosnhps you want…you can dowload it online and it’s not expensive.

    Ask yourself what is it the you want for yourself…(with or without this man)? What are your wants…and What are your needs? It would help you make decisions and set healthy boundaries for yourself…

    Start Circular Dating…

    The blog has many wonderful articles that may relate to your current situation…

    Continue to share with us…make the blog your own diary (I know I do πŸ™‚ )…sometimes other Sirens would be inspired to support you and have wisdom to share with you…

    I will look for some past blogs and see if I find anything for u right now…

    Warm hugs,

  42.  #42DE on September 4, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Ella #2:

    Aww…I feel happy you liked it and feel inspired by our interaction πŸ™‚

    Warm hugs,

  43.  #43DE on September 4, 2011 at 12:24 pm


    Here is link to one of the blogs on long-distance relationships….


    Also, look at the right side of the page…where “Blog Categories” are listed…and click on Long-Distance…there are about 10 blogs on this topic…:)

    warm hugs,

  44.  #44Starla on September 4, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Noticing a pattern with CD 1 that I tend to have with any guy I like, but I am just really noticing it through my interactions with him.

    What happens is I fight the urge to lean forward, then I get angry and worried that he is not leaning forward since I am not supposed to, then when he does lean forward, i feel too overwhelmed with anger and fear to be an invitation, as well as excitement to hear from him…so I let him go to voicemail and call back later.

    I feel grateful to notice the push and pull at play here, and how this is ALL ME.

    And I am doing good by letting it go to voicemail for now, since I can’t manage my emotions so effectively ha ha ha…

    I can feel this healing though:) weee

  45.  #45Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Aww, Mel and Ella, I feel touched and a bit teary while reading your messages to me…
    thank you πŸ™‚ I feel warm and smiley inside that you both shared with me and want to encourage me. Aww I feel happy to write that…

    I just got home from church..I don’t go too often but I am glad I did. Was shown kindness in a small way and unexpected by a young man, just in a friendly genuine way and it touched me…

    I am embracing (healthy) solitude and healing this week…and see where it takes me…

  46.  #46Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Ella, Thank you for relating to me….I think I have an idea about having healthier, different “sparks”…

    I want to share with you all about my very first serious boyfriend..he was like that for me.

    At first, when I met him, I never saw him as potentially dating material, he was a decade older and I was not attracted to him at all. I mean, at all!

    But he pursued me, big time, and I was a siren in the beginning of the relationship without even knowing it! I had male friends around all the time, was busy with college and hobbies, etc…and he had to really make an effort with me!

    Yay me! I love my 21 year old self! I was so cool! I was optimistic, insecure, but I was soo hopeful! A part of me still is, I know that!

    Anyway, regarding the boyfriend, I ended up being head over heels hot for him and totally in love…I really loved him a lot!!!

    I was so young, 21, I didn’t know how to have a relationship AT ALL…and I got to clingy and needy I think. My family lived very far away so he was “all I had”…for several years…maybe I was too much for him.

    But all in all, I do recall feeling “meh” about him initially, and the feelings really really grew once he showed me love and kindness! So I know it can happen.

  47.  #47Senior Lady Vibe on September 4, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    @32: Emerson says:
    “…And it feels weird to meet guys and then think about telling them, I want to move away. People have jobs and such. Sirens what do you think?…”

    I think life is short and there are jobs all over the planet. We don’t even have to have “a job” if we don’t want one. Figure out where you’d be most happy living and make a plan for moving there and supporting yourself.

    The worse that could happen is you wouldn’t like the new place and then you’d know and you’d have an opportunity to go someplace else.

    Who knows? Your life partner might be waiting for you to join him in the vortex in some other city.


  48.  #48Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Hi SLV !! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    Hmm…I like that idea…you’ve inspired me to investigate some things..
    I was tied here because of owning property and having certain relationships with people and etc etc but all of that is gone now!!! So I don’t HAVE to stay here!!

  49.  #49Senior Lady Vibe on September 4, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    @30: Mel says:
    “…Argh! D is driving me crazy! I get a text from him saying β€œsorry… i decided to go to the gym… so go ahead without me. You can still come over around 6 to watch movies, but I gotta get to bed early, so can’t stay up late.” WTF?!
    I texted back… You seem very busy. It would feel so nice to see you, but I don’t want feel like I’m imposing. What do you think?…”

    I think he’s canceled your “date” in a very casual way (by texting) and has instead asked you to come to him.

    WTF is right and that is your true gut reaction! I don’t know more than WTF how you feel about it but…there is no way here that *you* are imposing upon him. It’s the other way around!

    @39: Mel says:
    “…I think I might go… but only because I don’t have other plans for tonight…”

    I wouldn’t. I’d let him make another plan and offer something better than sliding over to see him at his house. It’s early dates…let him court a little.
    πŸ˜€ IMHO…

    Is there a “leaning forward, overly accomodating pattern” here, Mel? Hoping for the best for you…and not wanting to rain on your parade but I want these men to step for you and for you to have expectations of nothing less than that.


  50.  #50Mel on September 4, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Hey SLV,

    I guess I’m going because at this point I see us as being friends only. I’m not “attached” to him, so this is okay with me. I’m new to the city and need good friends too. I would do this for a friend so, I don’t feel like I’m overfunctioning. I’d rather spend the night watching movies with a friend than unpack boxes… I’m tired of that for the day!

    There are lots of others that ARE stepping up. I see D as good practice anyway. I just won’t ever turn down another opportunity to settle for “tentative” plans with him. I’ve learned my lesson.

  51.  #51Livy on September 4, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    T-Girl & DE:

    Thank you SO much for your support and advice. I do have some serious thinking to do here. You’re right I need to take care of me first!

  52.  #52Daria on September 4, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    I am answering messages from the romanian dating site.

    it feels so scary

    i feel way comfortable meeting people in the us and i feel safe in trusting myself

    and here it’s like i hear my mom’s voice way louder and just feel really scared i’ll meet someone who may try to kidnap me or something

    even though that won’t happen if i meet someone in public


    i love me

  53.  #53Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    It’s hard when things seem intimate and the guy says all these things to us to lead us to believe things are going in a certain direction…only to find out that we get mixed messages later. It sounds like he really likes you and enjoys being with you, but perhaps he’s still figuring himself out and his needs….but still meant what he said??

    He could be rubber banding(there’s an article about men needing time to regroup and process after experiencing intimacy with a woman)
    …have you asked him about that woman you referred to? Did you see it on facebook? I only ask because sometimes facebook can be deceiving and people write stuff that seems more than it is…?

  54.  #54Livy on September 4, 2011 at 3:26 pm


    You are so sweet :-)!! Thank you kindly for your feedback. Wow you’ve made some really good points..I know from experience I sometimes jumped the gun so soon (simply bc I was afraid of getting hurt) but…I don’t want to potentially ruin what could be a good relationship? Am I too sensitive or am I entitled to such feeling?? I’m still confused.

    I’m going to go back and reread the ebook and hopefully it will give me some key points to think about. Anyway, I will try to keep you posted with any progress. I am so glad I found this site and the support here is amazing…to say the least.

    warm hugs and talk soon….

  55.  #55Lilybelly on September 4, 2011 at 3:31 pm


    Oh Daria~

    Stay Safe, Please.

  56.  #56Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Livy, πŸ™‚
    YES You are absolutely entitled to your feelings!!! No I don’t see it as you are not being too sensitive…your feelings are your feelings…..it’s part of you and ok to recognize that part of you…it’s real and it matters…YOU matter!!

    I don’t claim to be good at giving advice, but generally, I believe Rori teaches if something doesn’t feel good, it is OK to express it, especially with feeling messages!

    It’s hard because it makes us vulnerable…saying something like “I feel lonely…” or “It feels bad to hear that” or “I feel unheard” comes accross to a man better than something like “you haven’t called me…” or “you are being mean, insensitive” etc.., not that you’d say that but you get the picture…

  57.  #57Wildflower on September 4, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    RE 52 Daria I can kind of relate to that but in a different way. I’m visiting my family in the states (I’m staying with my dad in the house I grew up in) and for some reason it feels harder for me to “practice” with the guys I meet here. I’m not sure why. I feel more of a pull towards my old patterns here. Not so much as in the past but it’s still there.

  58.  #58luzydel on September 4, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    I feel scared because I am getting closer to “NiceCd” he is someone I would not have given him a chance a while ago, but now I like him very much. I also feel secured with the tools, I have not closed any of my profiles and if someone ask me for a cup of coffee, I am open for it. Still i feel so scared of getting to close, I fear intimacy. πŸ™

    I know that whatever happens I will be fine, but dating superficially is so easy; however getting closer to someone freaks me out!

  59.  #59Wildflower on September 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    RE58 yup…I hear you Luzydel. Sounds like you’re doing amazing though. I feel happy for you.

  60.  #60Daria on September 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Lilybelly – wow! thank you for paying attention to me and caring about me…

    and I feel really icky and uncomfortable reading that!

    I feel guilty feeling that way… πŸ™

    but the truth is i felt angry and weirded out

  61.  #61Daria on September 4, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Wildflower – wow, yeah! i feel like im starting all over!

  62.  #62Ella on September 4, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Right Ladies,

    Day 1 of Project Sort Life is coming to a close.

    Think I did quite well at staying calm… I concentrated on doing 1 thing at a time.

    And I just totally cleared my inbox on my e-mail.

    So that feels good.

    My room is still a mess though… oh well life can’t be perfect.

    And I am gradually cutting back oon my work… simplifying.

    I did a budget for myself the other night when I couldn’t sleep and have a plan for sorting my finances…

    Now I just need my work (that I am keeping) to do well… Please Universe πŸ™‚

    So tomorrow some food shopping for some wholesome food, within budget, and then on with the tasks on my to do list for tomorrow.

    Still feels too much and overwhelming atm…

    And lots of fear around whether I can actually make my life work.

    But I also feel good that I am babystepping in the right direction.

  63.  #63Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Hi, Today I moved from the motel to the lady’s house Where I’m going to stay temporarily. I wasn’t able to pay rent when I was staying with D and M, So I had to make a huge sacrifice and give them my laptop as payment. So now my only access is my phone, Which is an android. It feels good to have a whole house to myself! Hopefully soon I’ll be in a permanent home. I still feel loads of insecurity… but overall I feel happy and relaxed tonight. I’m sorryn step all over from all the moving and cleaning Since last wednesday.

  64.  #64Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Livy I meant to say I don’t think you are being too sensitive…your feelings are your feelings….ack sorry for the typo. πŸ™‚ πŸ™„

  65.  #65Wildflower on September 4, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    RE 61–Wow Daria I just read that and felt shocked and relieved that it wasn’t just me feeling that way.

  66.  #66Tmizz on September 4, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    Mel – Ack! That sounds maddening about D! After all that, he bails and wants you to come to him?? Ugh. I think my feeling has gone from “iffy” to “icky.”

    But it’s so fun to hear that you have bees!! I miss my “girls” πŸ™ they “absconded” early this spring, before I was ready to even open up the hive. I didn’t get a new colony, but I might get one next year. Bees are so awesome. And honey from your back yard is the Best Honey Ever!! πŸ™‚

  67.  #67Ella on September 4, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Sirens I am having a moral dillema and as my bodyclock is still on ‘nights’ mode after working the bar last night, and doesn’t seem to be letting me get to sleep, I thought I’d ask for some input here.

    Basically since I moved back here from the city last year I have been working my socks off to get my 2 businesses off the ground, and over the summer it became clear I would need to take on some extra work until they were earning enough that I could actually take home a decent wage and cover all my outgoings. I also have some debts I am paying off.

    So over the Summer I have been juggling 2 businesses and 3 part time jobs. Its been too much and I feel near burnout. I have felt totally under pressure and my health is suffering.

    I am now working to simplify my life and cut back on my work, and as the summer comes to an end it is likely both my businesses are going to pick back up again. The Zumba was doing really well when I closed for the Summer and the other business is getting there too…

    Zumba classes are starting again this week and I still have lots to do.

    I have given my notice to the extra jobs and one of them is cleaning. I gave my notice about 1 week ago.

    The thing is I am still booked in for a number of hours this coming week, and to be honest I feel overwhelmed. I feel anxious and stressed about having too much on, and also about the pressure to earn enough money.

    I don’t want to do the cleaning jobs, I actually just want to focus on my businesses and put all my energies into getting them kick started again for the Autumn.

    The Zumba classes pay the best and I need to start up 1 more new class which I need to organise and promote. I really just want to get on with this.

    However I do feel an obligation to do the cleaning jobs. I like the woman whose agency it is and I feel bad letting her down, although to be fair, I bet she could find someone else to cover them.

    If I choose not to do them I feel afraid of telliing her and also of her being angry.

    And another part of me really just doesn’t want to do them. I want to focus on my businesses again. Oh and the pay for these jobs is minimum wage… severely low…

    Oh and I also feel afraid of karma if I let her down.

    Any advice pls Sirens?

  68.  #68Tmizz on September 4, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    Daria – About what you wrote in #21…

    First of all, thank you for being brave and sharing that.

    It really struck me in reading what you wrote, because sometimes I experience the same thing. And I wonder – is it cultural? Was I “taught” to feel shame about pleasuring myself? Or is it physical – something that just arises from inside me? And I think it’s more the latter for me as well. I can even enjoy it at the time. I get really excited. I feel and I tell myself that I am “making myself happy,” that I am doing what my body wants. And then, sometimes immediately after orgasm, I will cry and feel overwhelming shame. Or I will be fine at first, but a few hours later, fall into a depressing, self-critical state, even if I was happy earlier in the day.

    Clearly, the hormone imbalance of PMS can trigger all kinds of stuff that wouldn’t normally happen. And I tend to get more “horny” and self-pleasure more during that time as well. And potentially feel more shameful.

    What was interesting was what you said about a rape happening in your family. I wonder about that.

    I don’t really believe in past lives. But I do believe that memories are often (if not always) “stored” in the tissues of your body. Very often, things that you can’t consciously remember are alive but dormant in your cells, and get activated when part of the body is stimulated (not necessarily sexual, but can be).

    Over the years, I have had some very strange reactions and behaviors with regard to sex. I’ve never fully understood what it was about. But I’ve had a few people – including my family – ask me if I was raped, or if I had some form of PTSD. Honestly, I can’t tell them yes or no, truthfully, because I don’t know. All I can tell them or you is that I have often exhibited the exact same signs and symptoms that a victim/survivor of sexual trauma would display.

    That is very troubling to me, considering I have no memory of any sexual abuse. yet my body seems to remember something I don’t. And I just don’t have access yet. maybe I am not “ready” to remember.

    But one thing that was very healing for me, which happened relatively recently, was that I met a woman who had been raped several years before. She had healed and recovered from the experience and was able to talk about it, and I asked her about what I was going through. She sat down and talked to me, and even though I couldn’t articulate why I had those feelings, she affirmed for me that they made sense, and that I wasn’t “crazy,” “wrong” or “broken.” There wasn’t “something wrong with me.” And, oddly, she was able to predict or pinpoint a lot of my odd behaviors when it comes to dating and men.

    Since then, I still don’t remember anything related to sexual trauma. But at least I have not suffered from the same aversion, shame and disgust with the act of sex. And that has been a huge relief.

    But you make me wonder if it is possible for our bodies to retain a “memory” of something that happened to someone in our family who was there before us. To me, I don’t know. But I wonder if it could be plausible. And how much harder to heal something that didn’t happen to you in the first place?

    Thank you again for sharing…

  69.  #69Ella on September 4, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    I also feel terribly afraid of not being able to make ends meet.

    Like what if despite everything somehow the businesses don’t do as well as expected and I can’t make ends meet?

    I have been begging, borrowing, juggling and working every hour under the sun so far…

    I am not going to keep going like this.

    And it all looks positive for the businesses, but I still feel hella scared… and anxious, tight in chest, hunchy shoulders.

    I know I am good at Zumba and people want to do it.. and I have other worked lined up with this.

    The other business is just a numbers game really.

    And yet I still feel really AFRAID!

    And nervous and anxious.

    My options for borrowing are exhausted now… there is no one who can bale me out if it doesn’t go to plan.

    I really want to focus on my businesses, and I feel afraid.

    I don’t know where to put my energies.

    There is only 1 of me… something has to give… some stuff has to go, and it sure isn’t going to be my health!!

  70.  #70Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Hmm..Tmizz and Daria,
    Amazing to hear your stories and I’m sorry for your pain…
    I also have felt a bit “off” afterwards as well..

    I rarely pleasure myself because I don’t want to deal with the aftermath of feeling empty…and sad…
    I feel that I end up feeling that way because it emphasizes my loneliness in some ways…

    I’d rather be with a man doing that to me rather than myself, and I feel ashamed that I don’t have a man to do it and I feel lonely and alone and abandoned…and I think that’s what makes me feel “bad” and empty and even tearful afterwards…not really severely traumatized, but just tearful and pouty/sad. Maybe not as severe as you were both describing. But I can still relate.

    Very interesting that I’m not alone in this, and I never gave it too much thought before.

  71.  #71tinque on September 4, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Tmizz – Sometimes, maybe more often, the shame and guilt you feel has nothing to do with sexual trauma. I believe all traumas are stored in a woman’s pelvis/genital area, for this is our most vulnerable place.

    So whatever it is you experienced, and you don’t have to know what it is, comes up at this time. It’s almost impossible to say why.

    I think you are simply likely having old traumas that have yet to be healed which likely have nothing to do with molestation come up for attention at these times.

    I believe this even more so because you don’t experience this in partnered sex.

    Something to consider. Try working on being gentle with yourself, allowing whatever come up to arise, thank it, and then ask it to let go. You don’t need these protections anymore..


  72.  #72Ella on September 4, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    I don’t feel off after pleasuring myself, except sometimes maybe a little bit ‘dirty’ for a minute, however I seem to be able to deal with that particular NV quite effectively and make it shut up.

    However I do use a vibrator, which I have been hearing on here is not great as de-sensitizes us… however I just can’t seem to make anything happen without one…

    I know that if I stop using it the sensation is supposed to come back, and tbh I don’t even know where to start. I mean literally nothing at all really happens if I just use my fingers.

    So I feel stuck on this.

    Maybe with the de-cluttering and slowing down in my life I will have more time for this kind of thing and can experiment and explore a bit more…

  73.  #73Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Ella, re: vibrators, I have never tried one and I don’t use one, I just use my fingers and imagination, and I also use them when having sex to heighten the pleasure… 😯 works pretty good hee hee…feeling blushy now thinking about recycledCD (of course, who else!!?? LOL)

  74.  #74Ella on September 4, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Something interesting happened to me the other day too… I was with a guy, and we were cuddling up… to sleep.

    No sex, we haven’t even kissed or touched in that way but I do think we were both feeling quite aroused.

    And I started thinking about sex, and what it might be like to have sex with him (although I knew I wasn’t going to do it) and suddenly I got a shooting pain up through my vagina.

    It really hurt, and felt really tense to the point I felt a bit worried for a minute and wondered ‘what is this about?’.

    Tinque it is interesting what you say about it might not mean anything in particular, just old hurts coming up to be healed…

  75.  #75Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    71 Tinque
    I found this to be so insightful and helpful!
    Oh I know I hold on to traumas and it’s so sad…I don’t want to! I like how you put it, let something come up, thank it, let it go….I am going to try that…I don’t need that protection anymore…let it fly away.


  76.  #76Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    It feels good to have this place to come to when I’m lonely.

  77.  #77Ella on September 4, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Esteemed re 76,

    I agree πŸ™‚

  78.  #78Livy on September 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    I totally agree!

  79.  #79Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    xoxo love ya Sirens πŸ™‚

  80.  #80Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 8:02 pm


  81.  #81Senior Lady Vibe on September 4, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Made me want to go “hmmmm…”

    From a male dating coach:
    “…Men run from women who interrogate them in the pursuit of love, the same way women run from men who push for sex too soon.
    Can you see the parallels?…”

    Yes, I did see that…


  82.  #82Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    81 SLV
    Very good to know….
    Another reason for me to lean back and LISTEN. πŸ™‚
    I tend to be a chatterbox 😯

  83.  #83Senior Lady Vibe on September 4, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    @72: Ella says:
    “…So I feel stuck on this….”

    Maybe you’ll find something useful at Carlin and Betty’s web site. Vibrators not required. It’s the web site for everything sexual. And fun and funny too… Catch the Friday weekly videos πŸ˜€



  84.  #84Senior Lady Vibe on September 4, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    @63: Esteemed

    More good news. A house! That’s fabulous.



  85.  #85Starla on September 4, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Just got back from a fancy date with CD 2. He treats me sooo good (with his money lol)..it is super triggering to me. I am just faking with myself and him like it don’t even bat an eye at how he buys dinner and activities every time we hang out.

    i made him walk me to the store once it was dark, lol, i don’t think he liked it but he didn’t want to say no. at first i wanted to apologize for it, but then I noticed I could just say thanks. We could have driven in his car but i specifically asked for a walk.

    Go diva me. And thank you very much to this CD that is helping me work through unworthiness stuff.

  86.  #86Tmizz on September 4, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    luzydel #58:

    “I feel scared because I am getting closer to β€œNiceCd” he is someone I would not have given him a chance a while ago, but now I like him very much. I also feel secured with the tools, I have not closed any of my profiles and if someone ask me for a cup of coffee, I am open for it. Still i feel so scared of getting to close, I fear intimacy. πŸ™ ”

    That’s awesome! Yes, I feel that intimacy is very scary, too. I guess becoming aware of it is the first step!

  87.  #87Tmizz on September 4, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Tinque –

    Thanks for your thoughts. I’m aware that the trauma could be unrelated to something sexual. But it’s still there. It’s in my body, and I have to feel what is in my body.

    And you’re right. I don’t have to know what it is. But I *do* have to know what is there.

    But in case you missed it, or perhaps it wasn’t stated clearly, this most ABSOLUTELY has been present for nearly all my life with sexual partners. ALL of my sexual partners. I have had an absolutely HORRIBLE sex-life experience. From my very first time until very, VERY recently. Even when I “thought” I was enjoying myself, I was really just “checked out” and not even there, barely letting myself experience it, except by pretending to be someone else.

    It has only been in the last two months that I’ve started to be able to let myself “be” in a sexual experience – and also not vehemently and passionately HATE myself and my partner after the fact.

    You can bet that I have been working on this, and I have made HUGE progress. And that was my point.

    I was unsure about posting about it here, because the truth is, I didn’t really want any “advice” about it. I simply wanted to share my experience as an exploration, and in support of Daria’s experience.

    (and sometimes, it’s also just that “no guy is here and that’s why I’m doing this” feeling, too…)

    “I think you are simply likely having old traumas that have yet to be healed which likely have nothing to do with molestation come up for attention at these times.”

    It is undoubtedly true that there are traumas I *do* remember that are not healed. And they may or may not be connected.

    And I realize you are only saying this to be helpful. But I dislike it when people presume to know what is going on with me and my body. I feel minimized. I feel unheard, ignored, invisible. I wonder why people tell me that I feel may be going on with me is not going on with me?

    The reason it was so powerful and healing, when talking to the woman who in fact *had* been raped, was that she recognized in me many of the same signs and symptoms she had had in herself. And also because she was perhaps the one and only person I have ever spoken to who did NOT doubt what I was telling her about my experience. That was the best thing she or anyone else could have done for me.

    The truth is, I don’t need to know what, or if, anything happened. but it’s a fact that many survivors of childhood sexual trauma do not recall the memories of it until very late in life. And whether it was that, or something else, I still choose to trust my BODY and what my body is telling me – not what someone else tells me who is not in my body, and doesn’t know how it feels. But that is nothing against you, because I love you, I love what you have to say, and I know that you are very skilled in working with these areas.

    So thank you for letting me rant. I am not angry. I merely feel like stating that this is an UNKNOWN. I am aware of the possibilities. I am exploring and working with it. But I don’t feel comfortable assigning a permanent name or label to it until I have all the information.

    Thanks. πŸ™‚

  88.  #88Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    Hugs to you Tmizz…

  89.  #89Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    I realize I used “why” questions with recycledCD the other day when we were talking about a tense topic, I wanted him to explain himself…I know very unsirenish…but I sometimes want to know why!!

    So when is it ok to ask why??

    I’m feeling better than earlier today. I don’t feel as tense inside.

  90.  #90luzydel on September 4, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    I feel yucky about something….
    this morning before “NiceCD” left we were talking about seeing each other again. I said that since school is starting and my son is back, it would be convenient during weekends, but if later around things get more steady he can come over when kid is around…
    His answer was ” I am not ready t meet him yet”

    I did not put much thinking into it until now…why did I mention the future? I am just getting to know him and who knows what may happen, but I feel weird about this, like it just came out of my mouth without thinking; I feel so bothered about it…

    if contacts me tomorrow I will say something using Fms… like
    “I feel bothered by something I said yesterday….etc…I feel uncomfortable because it may be taken the wrong way…I have not expectations, and certainly I don’t know how things may turn out. I feel good spending time with you and getting to know you, I don’t want to feel like I am pressuring you. What do you think?

  91.  #91Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 11:19 pm


    You express yourself beautifully in that last post. It reminds me of the hour my therapist questioning me once. In my estimation, she wasted an hour of therapy because she didn’t trust me when I told her what I knew about myself and my body.

  92.  #92Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    I told her I had issues because I was extra sensitive as a whole. She was convinced I had some sexual abuse I didn’t remember…or had blocked out. I insisted there was nothing. She insisted that I describe every slight sexual experience from childhood on up. I felt frustrated that she wouldn’t just trust me when I told her what m issue was caused by.

  93.  #93Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 11:28 pm


    For me, I found it when I make a little mistake, it usually turns out more smoothly if I simply don’t mention it again… unless it comes up spontaneously. In the past, I was the queen of sticking my foot in my mouth By trying to Do damage control.

  94.  #94Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Please excuse my typos. I am going to be using voice recognition on my android for the next while.

  95.  #95Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    hi Esteemed…I’m happy for you and the house!

  96.  #96English Woman on September 4, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    This e-letter popped up when I signed out of POF. πŸ˜€

    What He’s Really Thinking During
    Your First Few Dates

    By Christian Carter
    Author of best-selling eBook Catch Him & Keep Him and free newsletter

    Have you ever gone on a few dates with a guy, thought things were going well, and then things fizzled out without warning?

    I can’t tell you how many women write to me about this. They had a great couple of first dates, the guy kept asking her back out, she got her hopes up, and then the guy stopped initiating anything.

    If this has happened to you, you know how disappointing it can be. But if you understand a guy’s process when it comes to dating, you can save yourself a lot of frustration and instead set yourself up for the kind of lasting love you’re looking for with the right guy.

    His Mindset Is Different From Yours

    Men and women think about the early stages of dating very differently. Women often try to read too much into their early interactions with men, which then leads them to think that after the first few dates they’re in what I call the “instant relationship”.

    That means a woman will often think she’s in a relationship with a man when he’s still feeling things out. So she becomes too available, too eager, and too invested in where this is all going. She also starts expecting things from him – she assumes they’re going to be seeing each other every weekend, she expresses annoyance when he doesn’t call her more often, or she assumes an exclusive relationship instead of actually discussing it.

    Suddenly he feels pressured, and she loses that cool-girl vibe that attracted him in the first place.

    Getting To Know All About You

    When a man asks you out for a second or third date, all it means is he’s interested in getting to know you better, because he felt a good connection with you on date #1.

    It doesn’t mean that he necessarily wants to be exclusive or is already thinking about a serious relationship. He’s still just getting to know you. He’s enjoying your company, having fun, and starting to wonder about you.

    But if you’re already thinking ahead to the next few months when this is the only man you’re seeing and things are serious, you’re doing yourself a disservice. You’ve already made a decision about this guy, and you don’t even know him that well yet. All you’re doing is going by your gut feeling and the chemistry you feel when you’re with him.

    Slow Down If You Want Him To Speed Up

    What you really want to do is take a cue from guys and use those first few dates like they do – as a fun learning process to meet different kinds of people and spend time with them in a no-pressure way. That means you don’t expect that a man’s not dating anyone else or that he needs to call you at a certain time. And you don’t assume you’re spending every weekend together, either.

    When you’re not focused on “where things are going”, you give each other the freedom to enjoy each other’s company and make smart relationship decisions. You also become very attractive in the process, because a guy will sense that you’re not making him the be-all and end-all of your life. And that’s when the right guy will feel motivated to take things to the next level with you.

    Until this happens, keep dating other guys to keep yourself from falling into the “instant relationship” trap. If the two of you really do have a meaningful connection, trust me that he’ll make sure he gets to know you more and more.

  97.  #97English Woman on September 4, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    #94 Esteemed

    I have no idea what an android is I thought it was some kind of alien LOL!!

    Sorry to hear you “lost” your laptop, that must have been some wrench, at least it would for me. πŸ™

    I was watching a really good Tony Robbins video clip yesterday (80 minutes) and thought of you, it was about emotional over-eating, are you able to watch video’s on your android? Is that like an iPhone or a Blackberry type thingie phone? I have a $20 basic as they come phone. πŸ™‚

  98.  #98English Woman on September 4, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Ooops that should say that I thought of you because you have talked on here about your emotional over eating, not that I had decided that’s what you do!!

  99.  #99luzydel on September 4, 2011 at 11:42 pm


    I get what are you saying, but this is really bothering me…and if i don’t say something I may get all “stiff” internally and closed up inside even more.

    I felt that he felt pressured when it was just an innocent out of the blue comment I say to some men about meeting my son only when the relationship has gone to the next level.

    I feel so yucky…

  100.  #100Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    English Woman,

    I am able to do with christian carter says With most men. But when it comes to R, I just seem to get carried away with my emotions.

    I had 1 good date a couple months ago With york. Just yesterday is the first time he’s contacted me. All he wrote was happy holidays, Which is kinda weird… It’s labor day.

    I thought maybe he was just breaking the ice. I texted back happy holidays, But he didn’t text anything further. Oh well, You win some you lose some.

  101.  #101Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    Luzydel, I hear you. When it is bothering you that much its worth it to say something.

  102.  #102T-Girl on September 4, 2011 at 11:52 pm


    Chances are he has forgotten it by now. I would just drop it unless he brings it up.

  103.  #103Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    English woman, Yes my android is a lot of fun! In some ways it’s like having a computer in my pocket! Yes it’s a smartphone. I can use the internet on it. It has a camera, Gps, so much more.

    Yes I can watch videos on it too. I’ll check it out, thanks!

  104.  #104English Woman on September 4, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    #103 Esteemed

    It may be too hard to find on your own as I have subscribed to the newsletters, check this out, sooo interesting the way this lady just changes right in front of your eyes!!


  105.  #105English Woman on September 4, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    #100 Esteemed

    What’s happening with Gar? Have you met up yet?

  106.  #106English Woman on September 5, 2011 at 12:00 am

    #90 Luzydel

    Read the Christian Carter thingie I just posted…..funny how men and women see things differently, we or at least I know I do, look too far into the future, kind of like somebody on here the other night – was it Emerson? Who said she started thinking about the town the date lived in and how she didn’t like it there……….that’s us women always thinking ahead and making plans. πŸ˜€

  107.  #107Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 12:04 am

    100 @ Esteemed – happy holidays?? LOL 😯 that is a bit weird I must say! Kinda funny though.

    I’ve had guys do that too. They text, I text back, then nada, nothing, silence….zzzzzzzzzzzz

    weirdos!! JK πŸ™‚

  108.  #108Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:04 am

    English woman, thank you for asking about Gar. He has had some delays Beyond his control. Now we’re targeting next weekend. He lives 2 hours away. We are both disappointed we haven’t been able to meet yet. But he is keeping in touch with me. I sure hope he’s everything I think he is. He would be a welcome distraction from R.

  109.  #109Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:05 am

    English woman, thank you for asking about G. He has had some delays Beyond his control. Now we’re targeting next weekend. He lives 2 hours away. We are both disappointed we haven’t been able to meet yet. But he is keeping in touch with me. I sure hope he’s everything I think he is. He would be a welcome distraction from R.

  110.  #110Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 12:06 am

    106 EW yes it was me expressing about not liking the town the guy lives in…I was already picking out our china and kid’s names, and I only spend one hour with him…hahaha
    I’m amused…
    Everything seems funny to me right now…

  111.  #111Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:06 am

    That’s weird, The voice recognition didn’t like g a r. So when I just wrote G, it accepted it.

  112.  #112Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:07 am

    That’s weird, The voice recognition didn’t like G spelled out. So when I just wrote G, it accepted it.

  113.  #113Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 12:10 am

    I swear I feel like this blog really helped snapped me out of my funk..just seeing your replies to me, it feels like you sirens care and took the time to read my concerns. It’s the little things in life, isn’t it! I really do feel a lot better. I’ve been reading some of the “old” emails from Rori and reinforcing stuff that I know.

    I feel more empowered and I actually feel inspired to wear a dress tomorrow and see if I can do some FLIRTING…. πŸ™‚ hee hee

    I feel so clamped up sometimes when I’m about to say a feeling message! My mouth gets dry and I feel nervous. I probably look like this 😯

  114.  #114Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:12 am

    English woman, Thanks for the link. Apparently I can’t watch it on this. I can’t watch youtube videos. I’ll make a point to watch it next time I go to a library To use a computer.

  115.  #115Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 12:17 am

    I still feel a bit piney and insecure about recycled, but I am going back to concentrating on myself for now. I am really going to do some nice things for myself tomorrow! Maybe nails??
    Maybe makeup??
    Hmmm….. πŸ™‚

  116.  #116Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:18 am


    LOL, I feel dry mouthed sometimes too Using feeling messages.

    Being on the blog really makes a difference in my life too. What a unique community!

  117.  #117luzydel on September 5, 2011 at 12:18 am

    I am very aware of these “instant relationship” feelings. I don’t know if “NiceCD” will stick around or not. Right now I am feeling that he will distance a little. Last night he was staring at me like he was starting to fall for me.
    He even mentioned that a friend invited him to the bar and he said “I am already taken” and that the only reason he goes to the bar is to meet someone. and he doesn’t feel like he needs to right now. We had 6 dates so far and he initiates them etc.

    I sense him distancing, not too much but a little. I guess this is when the man needs to figure things out and I have to lean back and take care of me.

  118.  #118Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 12:19 am

    116 πŸ™‚
    gd night all…

  119.  #119Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:24 am

    Emerson, You think i ought to just go silent Again with york, After he texted happy holidays? With him being so filthy rich, he is probably use to having women slobber all over him.

  120.  #120Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:25 am

    Luzydel, that sounds really promising about the way he said I’m taken and doesn’t wanna go to bars anymore!

  121.  #121Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 12:29 am

    BTW, I am not able to see the blog post numbers.

  122.  #122Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 12:32 am

    Esteemed, If you do reply to york, maybe you could incorporate a feeling mesage and say, “That feels nice to hear, but I feel confused, Christmas is still a few months away.”
    Oh Emerson is feeling snarky!

  123.  #123Lyka on September 5, 2011 at 3:01 am

    Happy Labour Day to you all! I’ve been up since 5am, just can’t sleep past 6am lately. I get sleepy early at night, but when I get up to wash my face and brush my teeth after spending hours reading comfortably on my sofa bed (and yawning!), I wake up completely and it takes me a long time getting to sleep after all that. I’ve only been sleeping 5 hours on average lately. At least, I don’t feel too tired, at least my body isn’t showing sign of exhaustion or anything. But I wish I could sleep more!!!

    It’s still dark here and it’s 6am – but then again, it’s raining, too.

    Esteemed, so nice to hear you have a roof over your head and that you and your pets are safe. How long do you expect to live there?

  124.  #124Daria on September 5, 2011 at 4:46 am

    so in my dream i had a Chinese cousin and we were both taking the same flight out

    we couldn’t remember how we were related exactly, but it was very distant and might just have been through marriage

    our families and grandparents were friends though

    anyway, we REALLY liked each other

    like way more than cousins

    and we wound up talking about it

    he seemed so smart and worldly to me and he was going to study in Sweden now. And i loved his style of dressing. and he was sooo smooth

    anyway we were all hugging and cuddling when we got to our destination and our other cousins were knda disapproving

    but in the nd we wound up making out and more hehe

    it felt so good to be around him!

  125.  #125Daria on September 5, 2011 at 5:04 am

    or maybe unsnarkily…

    “thank you, it feels good to hear from you”


    “wow i feel surprised to hear from you!… thank u “

  126.  #126Ella on September 5, 2011 at 5:40 am

    Wow, I HATE letting people down… feels so uncomfortable.

    I just told my cleaning lady, via text that I am not going to do the jobs for her this week.

    I feel really bad and yet I had to prioritise and cut some stuff out. My schedule was unmanagable. I need to prioritise my own businesses and my health.

    Doing too much was messing me up and I would have had to get up early to do a 4 hours cleaning shift tomorrow, when my bodyclock is still on nights from the bar work, followed by my Zumba class (first one back) in the evening, which requires me to be full of zing…

    Plus I have loads of issues to sort out for the classes, venues to organise, people to call etc…

    Ohhh, it does feel so uncomfortable letting people down.

    And yet it is the right decision for ME.

    I hope I have made the right decision. And I am not struck down by the karma god.

    This situation is suprisingly triggering for me.

    Do you guys relate at all?


  127.  #127luzydel on September 5, 2011 at 5:54 am


    Something is bothering me, I either could hide from men until the feeling goes away, express the feeling to someone or resist it…..

    I think it is all in my head and my NV’s are taking the best of me, and I feel insecure, less than, and afraid.
    I feel I could never be in a committed relationship, that I will only superficially date until the man runs away from me and disappear. I need to free this feeling so it stop pounding my chest.

    My stomach is tingling, My hand are shaking, I feel like chasing, leaning forward, try controlling the outcome when my Nvs try to control me. I cannot let them control me, I have done so good and I am improving. This is in me, I feel this way when i like a guy beyond dating him…when things go to the level of Keep seeing each other or stop. I feel the fear on my chest, tears that wanted to get out long time ago are making their way through my eyes.

    I feel worth less, not good enough. I feel the pressure on my ches getting lighter, small tears got out of me, I want to be able to free my feelings; too many of them are trapped that it feels like a crowded jail inside me…

  128.  #128luzydel on September 5, 2011 at 5:56 am


    Something is bothering me, I either could hide from men until the feeling goes away, express the feeling to someone or resist it…..

    I think it is all in my head and my NV’s are taking the best of me, and I feel insecure, less than, and afraid.
    I feel I could never be in a committed relationship, that I will only superficially date until the man runs away from me and disappear. I need to free this feeling so it stop pounding my chest.

    My stomach is tingling, My hand are shaking, I feel like chasing, leaning forward, try controlling the outcome when my Nvs try to control me. I cannot let them control me, I have done so good and I am improving. This is in me, I feel this way when i like a guy beyond dating him…when things go to the level of Keep seeing each other or stop. I feel the fear on my chest, tears that wanted to get out long time ago are making their way through my eyes.

    I feel worth less, not good enough. I feel the pressure on my chest getting lighter, small tears got out of me, I want to be able to free my feelings; too many of them are trapped that it feels like a crowded jail inside me…

  129.  #129tinque on September 5, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Tmizz – I apologize for having misunderstood that this is present with partners as well. And hon I don’t presume anything with you or anyone else. I offer you suggestions, possibilities, things to think about which you may already have, or maybe you haven’t. It is then up to you to accept or reject anything I offer to you.

    I also want you to know that I spent many years exploring and healing these issues within myself, and I did get there. I may still have things which come up for me, old and new, but they don’t come through my sexuality anymore.

    I offer you my support if you want it.


  130.  #130Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 6:45 am


    Thanks! I’m not sure how long I’ll be here. I’m allowed to stay until she sells the house. I’m guessing 1 to 3 months. It sure is wonderful to have the use of the whole house!

  131.  #131Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 6:51 am


    LOL, Oh well he never responded again. Must see it wasn’t meant to bee. I can let that go so easily. I wish I could let R go so easily.

  132.  #132tinque on September 5, 2011 at 6:51 am

    And another thing. I may not have been clear last night in saying that the possibility of abuse is just as viable. If this is what your intuition tells you is possibly/probably coming up, I believe you and believe in you.

    I’m feeling less than articulate right now.

    These last two posts do not feel warm and loving. They were meant to be.


  133.  #133Lilybelly on September 5, 2011 at 7:33 am


    Alright, Daria.

  134.  #134Senior Lady Vibe on September 5, 2011 at 8:34 am

    @113: Emerson says:
    “…I feel more empowered and I actually feel inspired to wear a dress tomorrow and see if I can do some FLIRTING…. hee hee..”

    Fun. Me too! I’ve been inspired lately. I’ve stopped (for a while) at buying fifty-two soulmate rings and I’m now acquiring earrings.

    I also bought and put two pairs together to design a pair of long intricate earrings with feathers! Not my personal style at the moment… maybe it will be.

    Then I designed a dress (only on paper) to go with the earrings. The dress is not my body style at the moment… maybe it will be…


  135.  #135Senior Lady Vibe on September 5, 2011 at 8:40 am




  136.  #136Senior Lady Vibe on September 5, 2011 at 9:10 am

    I’m going out now to receive more resources. I’ve experienced a few kinks lately in my distribution of resources from the Universe. This has affected me in a negative way such that I actually turned down a few things in the past few days. That is unlike me… So I’m turning that around and quickly!

    I want to make sure there is sufficient gratitude and acceptance to keep things flowing nicely. Sweetie is working with me on this.

    I am grateful and give thanks and appreciation for all that I have received.


  137.  #137Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 9:25 am

    “I also bought and put two pairs together to design a pair of long intricate earrings with feathers!”

    Oooh..this sounds soo pretty! I love flowy looking stuff right now…and feathers are beautiful! Look out world here comes SLV looking damn hot!

  138.  #138Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Aww…I am feeling very flowy today…I feel very thankful for what I have received…I have been provided for in so many ways.
    During the last year or so I have been allowing myself to receive because I finally allowed myself to believe that I have value and deserve it….

  139.  #139T-Girl on September 5, 2011 at 9:42 am

    138 Emerson – I can totally relate to your post. I feel the exact same way…but I would like to add that I have never felt more like a woman than I do now. Ever. I love this feeling. I’ve waited my whole life for this feeling.

    LOL, my hormones must be flowing today πŸ™‚

  140.  #140Daria on September 5, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Lilybelle – i feel sad and scared πŸ™

  141.  #141Ice Princess on September 5, 2011 at 10:12 am

    I need some reinforcement to chase away my nerves…LP and I took out bunch of kids fishing today. Not too long into it we began to lose the kids patience which I expected. My two children decided to act out towards me and LP. He obviously grew frustrated and left with his kids. Before Rori, I would have gone nuts trying to apologize but today I decided that I cannot control others and should not apologize for them either. He texted me “I’m not mad at you” which was huge for me and I didn’t even solicit it. My nerves are saying that I am a horrible mother and I should have been able to stop the misbehavior on the spot.

  142.  #142Ice Princess on September 5, 2011 at 10:15 am

    And that I don’t deserve LP in any way because of this.

  143.  #143T-Girl on September 5, 2011 at 10:22 am

    141 IP – You are correct – you cannot control others, nor can you control how other people deal with others. I feel the same way you do sometimes, but I tell myself that I am doing the best I can. Just remember that you too are doing the best you can. This does NOT mean that you are a horrible mother. Kids will be kids. You do deserve LP and he wouldn’t have texted you if he didn’t care for you.

  144.  #144Ice Princess on September 5, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Thanks T-Girl. Saturday night he was fishing to see how I would feel if we were engaged. I know I should feel confident in our relationship if his feelings are that strong but I still have a weakness there and seem to fear the worst when things don’t go perfectly.

  145.  #145T-Girl on September 5, 2011 at 11:16 am

    I think we can all relate with y ou there Ice Princess. The thing that I try to remember is that what we think is most likely never the same way they are thinking. So love your emotions and trust and be confident in them. He will see that confidence.

    A similar NV that I am having is that my guy tells me that I get emotional certain times of the month. It would bother me so much that he would say that because I don’t see it. But now I am embracing those emotions. I have even started agreeing with him. He is still with me which is an affirmation that it is ok to feel these emotions which before I would try to stuff down.

  146.  #146betty on September 5, 2011 at 11:33 am

    you seem like you know I lost my love.I cry every time I read your emails.I love this man soooooo much.I let him know that.But he got distant.We live 5hrs from each other and he just would not drive here.I am so destroyed.i know this is a never ending love i have for him and i can’t let go.I don’t know how I could win him back.

  147.  #147Daria on September 5, 2011 at 11:36 am

    so weird… ican’t access coachrori.com from here but i was just able to access it from a friends ipad on a wifi at a restaurant…

  148.  #148Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Betty, I feel for you. That’s pretty much how I feel about R. It’s hard.

  149.  #149Lilybelly on September 5, 2011 at 2:48 pm


    Why Sweetie?


  150.  #150Esteemed on September 5, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    I’ve had a stressful day dealing with a flat tire and buying two new tires.

  151.  #151Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Oh no….Esteemed…I’m sorry to hear that. πŸ™

  152.  #152Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    44 @ Starla
    I let the calls go to voicemail too sometimes when I feel I’ve waited a long time to hear from him…I even turn my phone off sometimes so I’m not “waiting” for him to call and can’t keep checking the phone. Kinda silly 😯

  153.  #153Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Hi Tinque –

    I just wanted to say I was thinking about you, and I really do appreciate your last two responses. They do feel loving to me, if not at least a little bit warm:)

    Also, I wanted to say that I always appreciate how skillfully you manage to talk about sexuality and issues that we may face in that arena. I love your idea of healing “through” sex – rather than running, hiding or trying to heal “from” it, as I believe I may have been trying to do for many years.

    I love your presence on this blog and the things you have to say.



  154.  #154tinque on September 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Tmizz – I feel really touched by this. So sweet and thoughtful. Thank you.


  155.  #155Loise on September 13, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Your programs sound wonderful. I cannot buy them as I have no personal income now. Also, I have a disability around emotional memory, from a head-injury that happened before we met. My fiance said it didn’t matter but later he reneged after I had a financial reversal. Now I am dependent on him. He waits for the holy days in my culture and when we lie down he says the nastiest things. He picks arguments to have an excuse to invite a woman ‘friend’ for dinner but has yet to take me out lately. I have stopped answering him as it only brings more abuses and stopped crying though my heart weeps most of the time. If you could make little free ebooks or videos for women who cannot buy, or small pocket-sized cards for women in this unusual circumstance it might help others as well as myself. Glad you are helping some and wishing you are Blessed Abundantly Always. Loise.