Your Being Can Become Your Doing

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You Can Have ItAllMasculine and Feminine energy are parts of the same energy that is you.

They’re just accessed from different parts of the brain and body.

They appear to be fundamentally different systems, they show up differently, they are activated and act differently.

AND – what if it’s all the same “soup”?

What if your “being” can simply “become” your “doing”?

I see it this in this way: The universe is always moving, changing – sometimes violently.

We are all stardust. All the same life force, the same energy, elements, evolution.

Therefore, inside me, like the seed ready to grow into a tree – is already all of me, already formed, already ready, only needing to grow and evolve.

Therefore, I can take my cues from ME, not from anything outside of me.

I can roll with the waves – as though I’m floating on a sea of nothing but constantly evolving energy coming through me, giving it form, thought, feeling, action….

This inspires me 100% of the time.

Therefore, I am always BECOMING the action. I am inspired from inside, from my feminine energy of being, and then I do…

I hand the reigns to my boy energy, I give him a job to do, and yet, my feminine “being” – NOT my masculine “doing” – is in charge.

My feminine “being” makes the decisions in every moment of choice – based on what feels good and right for all involved, for everyone.

It expands outward and becomes action.

I don’t have to look for it – it comes through me in a way I can get used to.

Love, Rori

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47 Comments

  1.  #1heroine on November 2, 2015 at 6:54 am

    I like that line Rori – we are all Stardust…it soothes me



  2.  #2Femininewoman on November 2, 2015 at 10:20 am

    Building up my beliefs with this.



  3.  #3April Rose on November 2, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    ” I am inspired from inside, from my feminine energy of being…..It expands outward and becomes action.”

    Ooh, this feels gorgeous. Yes.

    I am curious, though, Rori. When I must take an action (involving working through unfinished tasks) and I don’t feel ‘in the mood’ to do them – what then?

    Can I inspire action by the thought of the pleasure I will feel once the task has been done? Otherwise this undone thing languishes at the back of my mind eating away at my energy levels.



  4.  #4Tee on November 3, 2015 at 8:33 am

    Ok I have a question, this is perfect timing!
    How do I out-girl my fiancé? I don’t believe that he has more girl-energy than I do. I think that my people pleasing/feeling guilty ways are easily activated.

    Example; This morning he complained that the only time that I go over to his side of the room was just to turn the light on. Normally, I’d think about it, feel guilty and then DO something to change this.

    What he’s asking for is more attention, more affection, etc. Most of which goes towards our son.
    Apparently he cant come right out and ask so he has to say things that make me feel terrible…because I know that I do love on our boy a great deal.

    My fiancé has expressed his jealousy and I know that I need to step it up. BUT, I feel like I’m already DOING when I should be EXPERIENCING!

    Also, my impatience has me DOING as well…so he’s making out like a bandit these days. This has to stop LOL



  5.  #5Starla on November 3, 2015 at 9:19 am

    “Example; This morning he complained that the only time that I go over to his side of the room was just to turn the light on. Normally, I’d think about it, feel guilty and then DO something to change this. ”

    3 things/possibilities

    1. Forget your guilt. He will just feed off of it and your energies will be in a negative place. This happens all the time in relationships. Instead, feel flattered that he wants your attention. This is GOOD stuff. Some women would kill for a man who crave for them. Understand that he is telling you as a man what he wants and just do it. I don’t think this is going to work well for you personally, though. It is outside of what you’re working on right now so let’s look at #2.
    2. You tell him the truth. “I feel weird coming to you like that, i’m just a girl here and it sorta makes me uncomfortable like i’m chasing a man. It feels wonderful when you come to me… oh I just feel so good….” and the other truth is “sometimes you’re not very direct in asking what you want so I start to feel like I need to guess, and I get stressed out about guessing correctly. I don’t want to feel this way, especially with you. I don’t know what to do…” Then be quiet. Stop talking. He will either respond then or he will think about it on your own time.
    3. Don’t respond to it at all. Giggle. When he comes to you and touches you, be more of an invitation. Be very receptive to him. Keep things light. He is figuring it out.

    You feel like you have to control everything or else it will fall apart and it will somehow all be your fault in his eyes and your own eyes. I suffer from this too. But it’s not the truth.

    He is used to you being the one in control and has relinquished a lot of his ‘doing’ energy to you as a result. The only way for this to reverse is for you to stop what you’re doing and don’t address it when no one is doing anything at all as a result. You spent how long in this dynamic? It is going to take some time to turn it around, too.

    Most important thing, I think, is to be receptive and inviting when he comes toward you.

    Hang in there, these things take time. The more you give yourself over to letting go and leaning back, the faster it will turn around.



  6.  #6Starla on November 3, 2015 at 9:21 am

    *think about it on his own time



  7.  #7Tee on November 3, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Thank you so much Starla! You words are so accurate! He has relinquished alot of things to me & there are days were I just snap because I’m tired of it. He acts like he wants me to do it all yet you’re right, it’ll be my fault if it fails.

    I’m gonna go for #3 because it’s very easy for him to twist my words so that I feel guilty.
    We’ve been in this pattern for years. I know it’ll take time. I just had to get this out because I actually caught it! Lol

    This is the how & why he’s gotten away with this! He does this alot! So much so that I almost hate when he takes off from work.
    Everything seems like something I didn’t do right or say right….I’m apparently lacking all over the place.

    I don’t give him enough attention, so he has to a, b and c
    I don’t talk to him enough so he has to blah blah blah
    I spend so much time on my phone ignoring him so he has to yada yada yada

    Then he’ll want me to make him a sandwich or whatever lol

    It’s like…is he serious? And sadly, I’ve fallen for a great deal of it smh

    Me oh my smh these men lol



  8.  #8Millie on November 3, 2015 at 10:40 am

    April Rose– I’m replying to your post on the last thread about being the author of your own life. I admit that lately I have been reacting very defensively to people’s comments, men and women alike. Sometimes I feel an accusatory undertone in a person’s comments–which I did feel when you said you wanted to be the author of your own life. I’m not saying you were accusing me of anything, but that is how I took it and reacting by owning myself. After reading your last post, which I want to thank you so much for sharing…I really understood what you meant. I think truly being the Author of your own life means that you are making choices and carving your own path instead of being passive and allowing men to choose you…you choose them. I would say that my saying that I am 100% my own author is a stretch, but in many ways I do carve my own path. I am not passive and I am not a victim. I am empowered–even if right now that means being protective of me.

    This guy really upset me because some of what he said to me, I feel is true. That I’m unable to just “be.” Yes, he said that. He could tell in a few hours conversation everything that I admit, I was trying to hide. He is not the right guy for sure….but I hope that the right guy can understand and not make me feel bad for the stage I am at. I’m here because I was open, I was vulnerable, I allowed a lot of experiences to happen and some really made me awful and blind. I don’t want to be faulted by a man for the boundaries I choose to have, for the attitudes I choose to hold, for the fears I still haven’t gotten over….anyway I’m rambling.

    On another note, I’m talking to many other guys who AREN’T treating me that way, so I’ll try to focus on the good and the positive things!



  9.  #9April Rose on November 3, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Thank you Millie,

    I know my role on the blog is not to be anyone’s judge or advisor, and yet sometimes I am in that a little bit. It’s cheeky but it helps me to get my juices flowing.
    I do absolutely own that any remark I make to you or another siren here is primarily directed at myself, however.

    I feel curious about defensiveness. I have been exploring the difference between living life from the inside out, and from the outside in.

    Living from the outside in means being at the mercy of what is coming at me from others. It makes me into a kind of sitting duck, in reactive mode.

    Living from the inside out is more about being the author of your life, as I was musing about in my last comment. I interpret it as choosing which thoughts, feelings, and attitudes are going to be given an outlet.

    In my own case, it is very much about not reacting habitually. Changing my patterns. Instead of closing down when I perceive that someone is being such and such…. how can I keep my heart open?

    I want a flow of warmth to travel from inside my heart to whoever is in front of me, even if I feel triggered.

    I’m not having the degree of success that I would like to have. I seem to keep burning bridges instead of building them or painting them! My old demons just can’t resist getting involved in a drama.

    Or is it the scared inner child who is simply behaving the wrong way round and getting all muddled and pushing people away in the process??



  10.  #10Indigo on November 3, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    Millie, in my opinion –

    The truly aware journey is when we can see the people who come into our lives not as “good” or “bad”, or “accept” them or “reject” them, but when we can see what they are reflecting of ourselves.

    Of course, many people won’t be suitable. Many, many people. So many people are unsuitable in fact that when you grasp this, you have very little trouble letting people go. But when someone triggers you intensely, they invariably have something to show you about yourself. See the lesson with this guy, and letting him slip away will be easy.

    I myself have seen things about myself reflected in children, animals and people who pissed me off. I am EXTREMELY grateful for those reflections. They are honestly not things I could see on my own.



  11.  #11Starla on November 3, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    Tee, I might upset some women by saying this, but if he wants you to make him a sandwich, I don’t see why you don’t.

    In general, if he asks you to do something, I don’t see why you don’t.

    Require that he ask you directly. Do not play guessing games when he is passive aggressive, because that only feeds into your anxiety about never getting it right. Don’t encourage passive aggressiveness. Encourage assertiveness. If you want him to take more of a lead and masculine energy in your relationship, you WILL have to submit in some ways, like doing what he says. Wanting him to lead, but only in the ways that you want, is not letting him lead. It’s more of you controlling him.

    You are going to have to back way off, let things slide until he picks it up, and do what he asks. Delight in all the things he does. Receive his attention. Respond to his requests.



  12.  #12Starla on November 3, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    We fault men for giving up their masculine energy or not leading enough, but what we women don’t realize is that we pretty much beat it out of them. We are so much more controlling than we realize, and we give ourselves a pass because we have great intentions and mean well. We think if we don’t take the lead or take control of various things in relationships and daily life with our men, like planning dates or making sure the bills get paid, they won’t get done. That is an attitude of serious lack of faith in our men. We think that we are gentle and feminine in the way we express to our men that we have zero trust and faith in them, but they’re not stupid and their egos are on alert. We really do beat the confidence and leadership right out of them.

    Tee, maybe for the next 24 hours, take note of yourself and the things you do or say. See if you can then start identifying all the ways you directly and indirectly indicate to him that you don’t trust him or have faith in him. You might be surprised that much of what you say or do is a message to him that you don’t respect him as a man. We don’t readily see this as women, because we’re women, not men.



  13.  #13Lilybelly on November 3, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Oh Starla,

    Yes. Just, yes.

    Xoxo



  14.  #14Starla on November 3, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Hi Lilybelly (((((((((hugs))))))))))))) I am so happy to see you 🙂



  15.  #15Lilybelly on November 3, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    I’ve been missing your voice here, Starla.

    Always, always, lots of hugs for you!



  16.  #16Tee on November 3, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Hmmm Starla. How do I respond?
    I hear what you’re saying, that I/we can’t have it both ways. I think there are reasons why I respond or don’t respond.

    My fiancé is a jokester, sometimes he’ll snap his fingers while asking me to do something. There are days when I can laugh or ignore his weird quirks. Other days, I feel triggered. I feel unloved, unappreciated, like I’m some sort of maid or servant.

    I guess deep down I feel like if it weren’t for all the things that I do, he wouldn’t be here.
    I know that it all starts with me, I need to beef up my self esteem.
    Thanks for giving me another perspective 🙂



  17.  #17Starla on November 3, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    What if you played around right back. Like “yes master, if it pleases you master.” be sexy and light about it. More joking! More laughing! You’re so serious and heavy these days and us ladies get why, but to him it translates to not being able to make you happy and not able to be himself and loved for it. He may never change, and why should he? Why should anyone? Men change all the time, but never are they coerced into it by a dissatisfied woman who paints them negative for being themselves.



  18.  #18Starla on November 3, 2015 at 6:39 pm

    And tee, his stubbornness to change is a GOOD sign because it’s very masculine to not want to be dominated into change. So I don’t think you have a feminine energy guy on your hands at all and things can totally turn around:-)



  19.  #19Millie on November 3, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    Indigo,

    Thank you and what you are saying brings so much more meaning to dating than just “yes” “no” or “uck”. I feel the lesson with this man was that it is time for me to open up more but at the same time trust my boundaries and my instinct to keep me from harm rather than my head. Don’t waste time with people who don’t meet my criteria…



  20.  #20Millie on November 3, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    I met a new guy today for coffee. When I arrived he already ordered his and made no offer to get mine. Since it was the first meet I did buy my own… We chatted for an hour but I didn’t get the feeling he was interested at all and he made no plans to meet up again.

    Talked to another guy I have been texting, he decided to call me tonight….and Oooh does this guy just excude masculine energy!!! I really enjoyed talking to him and it seems like we really are on the same page with relarionship dynamics and also have a lot of similar interests and values. He lives a but far but I really loved how he said he wanted to talk on the phone and hear a persons voice before really investing in meeting. Wow what a contrast to the naked pictures guy!

    I still think about M way more than I should. Like he will just pop up one day…. I miss the way that felt.



  21.  #21Indigo on November 4, 2015 at 12:21 am

    Starla,

    I feel very inspired by what you have shared here about masculine energy. I used basically these same techniques you are talking about with the 8 year old boy that I look after in the afternoons. It’s had an amazing effect on him. Basically instead of pushing and pulling and controlling and punishing and getting exasperated, I tapped into his natural masculine drive to accomplish and make things happen and be praised and please me. And I made everything light and funny and teasing. I purposely look for ways that he can “be the man”. This child has absolutely come alive. And where I used to battle to be able to get him to concentrate for more than 5 seconds, he now does his homework every day with no fanfare and often with no supervision. He’s more considerate to me and to his sister, and much, much less violent. In fact, he’s gone from being a terror to being a pleasure to look after.



  22.  #22Tee on November 4, 2015 at 7:28 am

    Darling Starla you’re so right again. I have gotten so serious. Even my “little” sister said that lol she said that my sense of humor died the minute I became a parent. It fell out of my uterus or something she said lol

    I just feel like I do everything while he thinks it’s all a joke.
    Maybe my lack of light heartedness makes him unwilling to change?

    I don’t feel that I’m trying to dominate him, I often feel he’s trying to turn me into a robot.
    He wants this done, that done, etc.

    Anyway, I’m not here to complain. I do love him, I just don’t GET him all of the time. I enjoy the days when things are in sync. We laugh and joke. Then other days, I feel angry & triggered and I’m unable to be nice.

    (Sigh) I’m working on it, thank you



  23.  #23Turquoise on November 4, 2015 at 7:34 am

    Whelp…. Knight proofed. Haven’t talked to him since Friday… And I still feel like he was hiding some things from me. My gut instinct all along said something wasn’t quite right. So, I’m really glad I didn’t sleep with him, as it hurts… But that is so much harder.
    It may be that he just has a lot to deal with, and I’m not getting wrapped up in what if’s or beating myself up for giving it 6 weeks… I got a lot of practice and spent the last few weeks just trusting, staying in the moment and behaving as if everything was true.
    I know people can have bad luck and the things he said could be true… But it was one outrageous thing after another and I caught him in a few lies. So, I’m grateful he removed himself from my life and I no longer feel such doubt. I do miss him though… Our long conversations and what felt so comfortable. I’m reminded of many things I should do/shouldn’t do when first dating. #1, not letting myself feel pressured to commit early on.



  24.  #24Victoria on November 4, 2015 at 7:46 am

    Oh Turquoise,
    What a disappointment! He sounded so good. I also looove men who are good conversationalists. I am very sure he will reappear, but I also know that you can not trust him anymore. Pity.



  25.  #25Turquoise on November 4, 2015 at 7:48 am

    I had a nice text conversation with a fun date I had this summer. He’s overwhelmed taking care of his sick mom and with work… Is also a single parent who feels like he should have a social life. It was a great date… 4 hour conversation over dinner…. And I’d go out with him again, but I know this time I want someone with more free time. My love language is quality time. I realized how much I want that in a relationship. So… I’ll call him someday 🙂
    I had gone on a date with another guy right before meeting knight that really liked me and we’ve texted here and there. He feels very intense to me… Not sure I could handle that, but may be worth a second date. He also wanted commitment right away… So I’ll get to practice that talk.
    I wanted knight to be true, to be a real relationship. I wanted more. I feel sad about him. But I feel worse thinking of never having that real relationship. I can’t shut down and stop dating again. I haven’t had sex since February. This is crap. I want love in my life.
    My guy friend… Another single dad, he’s always there for me. Neither of us will make a move to cross the friendship line though. Not sure it’s worth the risk.
    Going out for a girls night Friday. My ex may be in town this weekend. Wish he wasn’t coming.



  26.  #26Starla on November 4, 2015 at 8:04 am

    Tee, I am happy to be talking with you about this. These are concepts of which I have always been aware, but never fully understood. It turns out that despite my thinking for so long that I wasn’t dominating or controlling, I was. This is why it is important to keep track of everything you say or do for 24 hours. You will be able to start recognizing what dominating vibes you’re really putting out there. They’re not easily recognized because as women we do relate and see the world differently than men. However, you’re with a man (obviously haha) so it’s worth some introspection. I am happy to keep offering my insight if you choose to keep a 24 hour log. I have high hopes for your situation!



  27.  #27Indigo on November 4, 2015 at 8:05 am

    Turquoise,

    I’ve found it helps to put myself in a non-committal “limbo” state with a guy, for quite a while… well, until he becomes more dependable and something real starts to develop. I’ve learnt to stay rather sweet and light, yet truthful, and not make any emotional investment of hopes/dreams, and it really does help when you’re just observing who they are, not knowing where it will lead. It helps to be able to stay quite objective… Bush Boy told me that he only likes to have people related to his work on Facebook. And at the time I thought it sounded like a tall tale, but I’ve since seen that it is actually true, and I am SUPER glad we are not friends on Facebook now, because I’d be snooping on him for sure.

    I think there’s really something to be said for letting things unfold SLOWLY, and staying open to the process. This also allows you to experience your triggers, which is where the healing is. (Oh my goodness, I thought I was doing so well with that and today I was triggered beyond belief. I thought it meant I had been doing something wrong, but in actual fact I think this is how it is supposed to work.)



  28.  #28Tee on November 4, 2015 at 8:46 am

    Starla, I’m aware of the vibes I’m putting out. I guess I’m just still angry & resentful because I feel that he could be so much more helpful.

    It’s like he chooses not to but has the nerve to make comments or continues to ask things of me when I feel he’s lacking in some areas.

    Soooo I tune him out. It’s more of a defense mechanism because I’m hurt. He hates being ignored. He feels that I only care about our son and my phone.

    I mean I answer questions if he speaks to me but he even said the other day…I barely talk to him.

    I just feel he could be a much better father, provider, partner, etc. I don’t say these things to him. He’s OK as he is lol but I guess there are days when I look at him & I get mad because he Could be doing this, instead he’s doing that.

    I hold alot in. I mostly stay quiet & simmer. I figure it’s better than yelling, saying really hurtful things.



  29.  #29Starla on November 4, 2015 at 9:12 am

    Tee, my heart goes out to you. There is a book I would love to recommend to you that really addresses a lot of what you’re feeling, but I don’t want to mention it here out of politeness to Rori. Is there a way for me to contact you off the blog? I have a special “siren” email address if you’d like to contact me there – starduststarla@gmail.com



  30.  #30Tee on November 4, 2015 at 9:17 am

    Awwww thanks Starla lol I think lol

    I’ll email you in a second 😉



  31.  #31Femininewoman on November 4, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Turquoise I’d also add long conversations.

    1. It can be draining
    2. You are likely to say more than you really want to
    3. The listener can get flooded
    4. You want to leave men wanting more.

    No 4 is counter-intuitive. Getting too much of a good thing is possible.



  32.  #32Femininewoman on November 4, 2015 at 10:53 am

    About crossing the friendship line, a guy might be afraid to and waiting for the girl to suggest or give him the feeling that she is open to more. I have seen a coach suggest leaning over and whispering something in his ear



  33.  #33Zara on November 4, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    Copy-pasted:
    So, who are we really?
    By Rori Raye

    We get so used to our patterns, so comfortable with our defense systems, that when a man says something, anything, that triggers our inner nasty Voice – we feel defensive, and say and do what we always do when we feel defensive.

    We make a man wrong.

    We try to convince him he’s wrong.

    We try to get our points across, to rationally and reasonably explain why he’s wrong.

    We get frustrated when he doesn’t apologize, or even just see how much pain he’s caused us by a simple, thoughtless few words or a missed phone call.

    We try to explain how relationships work and why he’s doing a crappy job of it.

    And – I know it’s hard to believe because it’s the exact OPPOSITE of everything you hear out there – we try to “communicate” about our feelings and the relationship.

    And this is where listening to all that advice runs you into trouble:

    When you try to “talk out” what it is you’re feeling about what it is he did, you are trying to CREATE A SOLUTION.

    You are trying to solve the problem, determine who’s right, and RELIEVE THE STRESS you feel inside.

    You are NOT truly, authentically, really expressing the way you feel.

    That would look like: “I feel hot, I feel cold, I feel sad, I feel embarrassed, I feel angry”

    Here – working toward a “solution” – you’re talking from the surface.

    Though it may not seem like it, you’re being driven by inner forces and feeling compelled to “make sense of things” by your old inner – mostly sub-conscious, some just habit – patterns and defenses that are GUARDING your true feelings.

    You are telling a man what he did wrong and how he hurt you.

    You are talking about feelings that are COVERING UP your real feelings.

    Even though this feels like YOU because you’re so used to it, so comfortable with it – it’s NOT YOU!

    It’s the “made-up you” that we’ve all created on top of who we really are.

    Like frosting on a cake, like pancake makeup on your face, like laughing when you feel like crying – and crying when you actually feel like HITTING!

    We monitor ourselves so thoroughly that we often can’t even TOUCH who we REALLY ARE inside.

    And that’s why JUST THE WORDS ALONE won’t work.

    Because just words don’t always express the real you.

    When we talk from the surface part of our defenses that are covering up our fears, anger, guilt – all the ugly stuff we don’t want anyone to see – we basically PUSH MEN AWAY.

    I know, it sounds completely weird.

    It sounds like I’m crazy.

    We all think we’re telling a man how we feel, but really, we’re not.

    We think we’re BEING OURSELVES, but we’re not.

    We’re just showing him the outer stuff we’ve always shown every man, in order to PROTECT ourselves from him REALLY SEEING who we are on the INSIDE.

    So, if you’re not really the woman who wants him to “understand” what happened and apologize or somehow show he “understands” – then who are you?

    And that’s the fantastic question that, once you EVEN JUST ASK it of yourself, will get your man – any man – at your doorstep, fast, trying to break down your door, trying to get into your heart.

    This is the absolute truth.

    And NOT KNOWING this one thing can undo all the good work you do to bring a man to you.

    Not knowing that just because we’re used to doing and saying certain things when certain things happen with men doesn’t mean that’s the REAL US dooms us to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

    So, let’s ask ourselves the questions that really matter.

    The ones that will make all the difference for you

    Let’s call this the ASK MYSELF Tool:

    The simplest and fastest way that I’ve found to help my clients change old behaviors is to take apart and rework conversations and experiences you’ve already had.

    Say you just had a fight with your boyfriend, or you met a great man at the coffee shop, but he never got your number.

    (One thing – this kind of Tool is only for the brave – so if you’re not willing to trade the pain of a bad relationship for a little bit of self- discovery, don’t read any further.)

    In school what we’re going to do here might be called “deconstructing.”

    That simply means going over something that exists – like a movie script, or a seminar, or a recipe, and figuring out how it all works together – what the pieces and the parts are, and the order in which they fit together.

    So, let’s pull apart that fight or that meeting at the coffee shop that didn’t result in a date.

    Try to remember everything you said, and everything he said.

    To make it even more powerful for yourself, write it down.

    Use the “Translations” model in my Have The Relationship You Want eBook by putting a line down the center of a piece of paper.

    On the left, write down everything you said.

    On the right, “translate” what you said into FEELING MESSAGES.

    Just keep doing this – all day long with everyone you talk with and interact with – and see how quickly things change!

    This is NOT about blaming yourself for whatever you did or said that didn’t work for you…it’s about USING everything you’ve done or said to HELP you speak and do and BE in ways that DO work.

    It’s about discovering, learning and practicing.



  34.  #34Turquoise on November 4, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    Thank you Victoria, Indigo and FW. Honestly I believe he started out lying and just dug himself in deeper and deeper. I felt like I was staying open and giving him room to be honest and upfront with me, while behaving as if what he was saying was true, I would like to think he will reappear and explain some things… But I just don’t know. And that’s on. I do feel sad… I really liked the version of himself he was showing me and he made me feel more than I have in a long time. I’m actually really thankful that he didn’t sleep with me and then poof, as it would have happened soon. I believe I was more than he imagined he would find online. He commented several times how good and wholesome I am, how much he loved that and hadn’t had it. The whole thing was an interesting experience. I feel sad… But not wallowing in it. Someday is texting me now. I appreciate the distraction. My friend and I have progressed to hugging and we flirt/text… But our kids are friends and it would be a big step to move past flirting. I’m open to seeing what happens there… I think.



  35.  #35Lilybelly on November 4, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    Turq,

    Just look at all the practice you got in. How well you took care of you and also the experience of determining how well you CAN trust yourself.

    I say good for you, hun.



  36.  #36Tee on November 4, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    Thanks Zara 🙂



  37.  #37Turquoise on November 4, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    Thank you Lillybelly 🙂



  38.  #38Indigo on November 4, 2015 at 11:06 pm

    Feminine Woman 30,

    Love what you say about long conversations. It is counter-intuitive so I am having to practice this.



  39.  #39Tee on December 17, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    Question! Has anyone discovered that in letting their Boy take care of their Girl that they’ve gotten better at receiving & allowing?

    I just caught myself not letting my fiancé give to me! I still get stuck on feeling feelings of lack that it’s hard to just Receive

    So I’m wondering that if I get into the habit of this on my own, it could lead to my being more open?

    Lord knows how many other instances there were that I waved off that I can’t recall :/



  40.  #40Azure Blu on December 17, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    Tee #39
    Wow!!! Good point!!! I have too been noticing this!
    I want to be more aware now that you have mentioned it here…
    I am soooo much about “FEELINGS OF LACK”!!!
    LOve this!
    Thank you!



  41.  #41Tee on December 17, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    #40 Yes, Azure Blue and it’s soooooo stupid in hindsight but such an ingrained behavior! I’ve passed up money, breakfast and who knows what else!

    It’s like he’ll ask me if I want coffee & I’ll say something like No because we have tea at home! Or I’ll say No because he needs to buy lunch, etc.

    WTF is that?! One has nothing to do with the other yet I’m so busy trying to be in his business / in his pockets that I start thinking for him & deciding that somehow….despite him asking…he can’t afford it

    I truly need to stop this. It’s so disheartening



  42.  #42Azure Blu on December 17, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    Tee #41
    Wow… Your shining a mirror for me!
    I do that too…
    and IT IS all about ME being IN HIS (any mans) BUSINESS!!!

    One time Spirit and I were out with friends…
    he asked if I want to share an appetizer.. I said that would be great…
    then he asked *SEVERAL* times if I wanted something more… a salad or another appetizer…
    Me: “Ohhh… no, an appetizer is all i want”
    Then as the night progressed I started flipping it in my mind somehow (???!!!!+*%#) so that HE didn’t want to spend money on food?!!!??? WTF!!!
    Fortunately I went over to the end of the table and shared with My girlfriend what I was thinking and
    she couldn’t BELIEVE what I was saying!!!
    “Azure what are you talking about????? He offered to buy you anything you wanted!!!!” :))
    She talked me down off the road to insanity!!
    Wow!!
    I’m so curious about how I can get out of my head and out of any man’s business, as far as money is concerned????



  43.  #43Tee on December 17, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    #42 OMG YES Azure, I always turn it around that E doesn’t want to spend money or give me money….yet I’m always waving it away! 2 weeks ago, I had to pay a huge bill. E offered to give me half & like a dummy I said No.

    Then I whine & complain later on like he’s the problem and I don’t know why he’s so stingy!

    What do we do with this? Lol



  44.  #44Azure Blu on December 17, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    Tee
    Yeah… not sure how to change this?
    Are there any Sirens that have some suggestions?

    It must have something to do with my boy energy!
    One RR coach I had said I need to imagine who my boy energy is… what is his name
    Where does he live… what does it look like
    and say to him
    I am soooo sorry I have been ignoring you. What would you like from me?
    I did these things… His name is Johnny… he lives in a shack… he said he wanted me to spend more time with him.
    After this things started to turn around for me Financially!!!
    But I’ve been neglecting him again…



  45.  #45Starla on December 17, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    “ohh thank you, that feels so nice, yes”

    Rori talks about how you’re a soft fern who needs water. Let him water you, and drink it up:-)



  46.  #46Tee on December 18, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    Easier said than done. I’m noticing that I’m only like this with E. Whenever my sister, mom or aunt offers me something it’s like Cool, thanks that’s sweet!

    With E, it’s like I get stuck. Like somehow receiving from him makes me lazy or cheap? I can’t quite figure it out. Even something as mundane as breakfast, he’ll ask if I want pancakes & it takes me a while to answer lol which baffles him

    I don’t know why I get like this. Maybe I still doubt his love? I mean goodness it’s been 20+ years since I’ve known him…no one can fake (I don’t think) for that long

    Plus E is a very blunt, upfront type dude…he’s not much for beating around the bush

    I’m trying to work this out, between my insecurities, my boy energy, girl energy, sheesh



  47.  #47Indigo on December 18, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    Tee,

    Habits of not being able to receive can take years and years to undo. I am pretty aware of my feminine energy and of consciously receiving from others but I still get caught up in certain relationships, and it’s only when I find myself drained and resentful that I realise it.