Your First Good Man!

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What was it like for you the first time you were with a man who felt different from your “usual’?

Who actually paid attention to you, experienced you as valuable (and you could just Feel that), and whose actions were those of a man who wanted you?

Here’s Selene’s letter – and please write me YOUR first experience so I can put a collection together!

” Rori, I used to be stuck for like 16 years being exclusive with this man, my ex…I used to tell him something good about him he used to send my words down the the trash bin (“I like you!” He: How? I’m all twisted, you need glasses, etc.”)

And after found that wonderful book “Have The Relationship You Want” I have my clear boundaries, I am not accepting that my words – or myself – been thrown to the garbage, so I finish this relationship, dating better men, and discarding the ones who are not making me like a Goddess.

There is one man, he’s been my first time in a lot of things, first Valentine card, first romantic ride, first dancing date.

I just said things that came into my mind from my heart about how happy I was that night, how thankful I am with him, and he honored my words: “You have such a wonderful way with words! Makes me so very happy!”

I just did nothing, he is been moving forward fighting against his natural shyness, first to get to know me as friend, then asking for dates.

And I am just enjoying, letting myself just be adored.

Thanks to Rori’s mantra and her book! Love to all!

Selene

My Short Story:

My first “good man” was long ago – and after “trying” for a few “dates” I tossed him in the “reject bin” I called “nice men I don’t want to kiss.”

There were many of those – boys and men my mother thought were good (until I brought home my first “bad boy” and saw what my mother REALLY thought (she liked those bad boys, too!).

That first bad boy was actually also a “good” man, but by our second year in college he’d become drug-addled, strange and literally incoherent. I wonder to this day where he landed.

I went back to a “good guy” for awhile (strangely, one I’d wanted to kiss at the beginning – yet, when some time had passed, all that went away).

So I don’t count any of those men – they were boys, they were my youth. I was just learning.

It was after years and years of men treating me like flecks on their suits or incidental additions to their lives that I met my first husband.  He was a good man.

The problem was – I had no idea how to be a human being (much less a goddess). So I pushed him away.

My instinct to control anything and everything just dried up whatever there was between us, and soon, after seven years of misery, rejection and crumbs, I was out on my own again – seeking more crumbs.

I worked my way through other women’s ex-boyfriends.

I worked my way through whatever I met.

I worked my way through practically hiring men to psychologically and emotionally beat me up and toss me crumbs, because that was clearly what I thought I deserved.

And then I met a really not good man who walked into my house at 2am, literally did beat me up, toss me around, use me to make himself feel something he could “call” love, and banged my head on the floor as he left.

It was rape and assault – but the concept was something familiar. It was an extreme version of the punishment I’d been thinking was “normal” for me.

For years afterward, I worked my way through bad boys, good boys, men who felt safe but not sexy, men who just wanted to be “friends with benefits.”

I had NO idea what a “relationship” actually was.

And then I met my husband.

Another “good” man. Another nice man. Another good, nice man I wasn’t interested in. Another good, nice man I wasn’t interested in who I’d give “a chance.”

Sigh.

Only, this good, nice man actually won his life’s e-ticket: me.

Yes – he clearly thought I was his “prize.”

It took me about six weirdly uncomfortable dates, where I was always shut down, teetering away from him, and completely not appreciating him in any way (he was cute, a rock-n-roller with smarts and marketable skills…what was I thinking?) to let him anywhere near “close.”

In those days, sleeping with him was the only way I could open to any man (another story for another day) – and so I just “did it.”

Only he surprised me.

I’m not talking about “skills” or physical qualities (though I was pretty pleasantly surprised about those…) it was one enormous, magical thing:

He wasn’t afraid of me.

I yelled “let’s have babies” in the middle of sex, probably to scare him off, and he didn’t blink.

He woke up with me and still seemed to like me and want to be with me. He made another date.

He didn’t seem overly fawning, and he didn’t back away.

That was my defining “first good man” moment.

Where I could see and feel past the chemistry (the chemistry that had just newly shown up! – instead of leading me on and on to my normal doom, it had somehow just been “created”), past the sex, past my opinions and prejudices about men, past my flat-out fear of intimacy, past my past.

What are your stories?

Love, Rori

 

 

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4 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on February 6, 2017 at 3:57 am

    awwww



  2.  #2Grace on February 7, 2017 at 10:26 am

    Well, poop. I lost the long post I wrote and don’t feel like writing it again right now.
    Suffice to say, I feel constantly amazed by the man I’m with now.
    Last week I stayed in his guest room for a week, he woke me up with coffee every day, either brought home catering from his job or cooked for me every night, made sure I had coffee on my way out the door for work, had music I like playing and a mug of tea waiting for me when I got home, and even called me at work one day to ask if I had any laundry he could do for me.

    It was my birthday, and he wrote me a love letter, telling me how he loves how I make him FEEL. He feels and feels, and feels feelings he’s never felt before with me.

    He’s been telling me he loves me, but the other night he told me in a way that I truly felt the force of. I felt it – he’s for real, he’s not playing.

    *sigh*
    It’s been a loooong time coming, but so worth it.
    happythankyoumoreplease



  3.  #3Wanting to Melt on February 23, 2017 at 9:01 am

    Hi, can anyone describe for me *how* to “melt”? I am with my first truly good man – and I now have *all* of your (Rori’s) programs, and have listened to each of them – most of them twice, and I don’t really recall any explanation of *how* to melt – although several talk *about* melting. (The back story – basically we were dating for about 3 months – then over the holidays he got distant (a LOT going on there), and I did *everything* wrong..not realizing it was wrong at the time – he ended up breaking up with me (there had been no fights or anything..but a deeper and deeper disconnect until “suddenly” (although not really) one day he broke it off) ..in that moment I realized “whatever I’m doing, it’s clearly not working for me”..I really needed help understanding *how to date* and *how* to be in a relationship (zero role models for good relationship as a kid, on my own since 11, etc. etc.) …so I started searching for information, and found your stuff, Rori – that’s when I realized that I had literally done *everything* wrong… as he became distant owing to factors having not only to do with me (although also, oh my, my massive overfunctioning) ..I of course did everything wrong in trying to reconnect as he got distant… so I totally recognized and owned my own part in what had led to him breaking up with me.

    I found and downloaded the ebook, and based on that, I bought the entire video/audio series, which has been *so* educational!…

    Anyways, we are back together now (!), and I’m really practicing being in my heart instead of my head…but darned if I can really understand *how* to melt… can anyone point me to something that really explains it?

    Thank you!

    Wanting to Melt



  4.  #4Wanting to Melt on February 23, 2017 at 9:08 am

    P.S. Rori, I would really love to correspond with you about your comments about how men and boys are so discriminated against in our society (ohmygod, good for you!!) – my professional background includes being a professional advocate for men and boys, however I don’t want to say much publicly here. You have my email address from my comment (and you can cross-reference it with your sales) if you’re willing to correspond with me about that.