Your Free Rori Raye Newsletters May Not Be Getting Through – Here’s How To Fix It!

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Hi, if you have gmail – and you’ve been wondering why my free eletters aren’t getting through to you the way they used to and the way you want – here’s the answer!:

On February 10th, Gmail changed its email filters, causing many of my newsletters to be delivered to your Gmail spam folder.

This probably affected you.

To make sure you receive my valuable advice and tools on a regular basis, please “star” my messages.

***You may find my emails in your spam folder by searching for “Rori Raye” using the Gmail search box.

Gmail’s new rules may affect other emails you’re used to receiving, too.

There are two steps you can take to make sure your personal filters are set up to receive the messages that you value:

1. Go into your spam folder and click on the checkbox next to each of the messages you want to receive in the future. Then, click on the “More” button near the top of the screen and choose “Add star.”

2. With the above messages still selected, click on the “Not Spam” button, located to the left of the More button.

If you follow these steps, selected messages will be moved to your inbox and delivered there in the  future.

I hope this information helps you get the advice, tools and offers you requested.

I have so much valuable advice and new tools to send you, and I want to do everything I can to make sure you receive it.

If you’re new to the blog, and to my work – be sure to go over to the sidebar at the right and sign up for my free newsletters – there’s SO much information I want to give you for free, here on the blog, and in my newsletters (it’s all different, all new, and all helpful tips and advice).

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Senior Lady Vibe on March 23, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I’m getting my newsletter OK. And I’m reading back Rori archives too. There are good articles there.

  2.  #2Healing Waterfall on March 23, 2012 at 11:54 am

    It is so warm and sunny out, it feels crazy to have spring so early, but I feel used to it now. It feels so energizing to feel the sun on my bare skin while riding my bike.
    Well, need to get back to work, but want to say that I am leaning back today.
    Yes, that’s right.
    I am leaning back.
    Even though my crush and I saw each other on the street and he saw me in my black skirt and lavender top (see, Rori, I took your advice) and he just managed to say “Your legs look really nice, I have an appointment, I have to go”…..I am not going to text him.
    I am leaning back.
    I am getting busy on my business.
    So it is.
    Love you incredible beautiful caring sirens.

  3.  #3Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Thanks for the reminder

  4.  #4Starla on March 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    woo new thread:)

  5.  #5Healing Waterfall on March 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    i really don’t want to lean back, though, fw,
    it would be so easy to pick up the phone and text or call and get my fix and hear him say how pretty I look, etc., etc…
    but really i am going to lean back and work on my business….
    how do you do such a good job leaning back and then actually get the guys to call?

  6.  #6lk on March 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    starla, don’t txt : )

  7.  #7Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Healing Waterfall they don’t necessarily call but there are so many and I have so much other stuff going on. I have one knocking down my door to get married but I have an issue with his body size. I also keep my profile up and constantly get invited by new guys.

  8.  #8Starla on March 23, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    pssshhh lk why not:P

  9.  #9lk on March 23, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    @liz that honestly makes me feel ill to hear about a man in a committed relationship kissing you, keeping in touch with you, & telling you your legs look nice.

  10.  #10lk on March 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    lol starla…. you totally can actually : ) … just as long as you aren’t attached to the outcome : )

  11.  #11lk on March 23, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    @ liz

    i dated someone after they had broken up with their gf (after they were pursuing me simultaneously…) & it was unbelievably painful due to his emotional immaturity (& obviously mine too). he broke up with me the night before my grandmother’s funeral… then a month later (no contact) told me he loved me & didn’t want to be without me… 2 months (of exclusive dating) later, he acted amazed when i was upset because he canceled on me FOR ANOTHER DATE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. seriously.

  12.  #12lk on March 23, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    & he was all, ” i thought we wanted different things from our lives ”

    ummm… yeah, we do. i want relationships with humans, he wants gratification of his physical & (limited) emotional desires. YUCK.

  13.  #13Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Reposting for FW and mel:

    Mel – Universe is a “she” ? Lol always thought it was. “he”. congrats to you to on the moving with Mr A! Amd for the dressin closet!!

    FW – yeah apparently! 24 hours after I’ve been told that I might get fired, I get the opportunity to work with my friend!! Yay!

    Hope Universe listen to my other requests!!

  14.  #14Zara on March 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Hello SeniorLadyVibe 🙂

    April Rose:
    Funnily enough I saw on television today a woman who lives in Quebec with her husband of +30 years and her lover of 15 years. They each have their own bedroom in the house. The husband says if Marie should die any day, her lover would stay home, he is family to him.

    Here is what I understood of their story:
    Gilles, the husband, said if he had been asked about this situation before it happened, he would have refused to live the experience. But it just happened this way.

    He married Marie and loves her; he wants her happy.
    Years later she falls for her driving teacher, Denis. Denis is still married, only separated from his wife, not really willing to step up into a relationship, yet something gets on fire.
    Marie told Gilles, the husband, that she loves him, will never leave him but she is in love with Denis.
    And she tried to forget Denis the teacher.
    After a while, Gilles could not see her so unhappy, missing Denis, so he told her to make herself happy and to live whatever she was meant to live, he was not going to let her down, he loves her and will never leave her.
    At some stage, Denis and Marie became an item and Denis moved in the house of the married couple.
    They each have a bedroom.
    Gilles believes in sexual exclusivity, he stopped having sexual relationship with Marie, but he can’t stop loving her and wanting to take care of her, so he stays home with her.
    In 15 years, Gilles has tried with 12 women to have a romantic relationship but the jealousy of these women have ruined it. Gilles says he chooses himself every time, and walks away. He does not want to feel locked in the jail of other’s jalousy. He spoke of “compersion”.
    2 years ago, he met a woman who is not jealous. He has been dating her for 2 years. He says if the house was bigger and had a fourth bedroom, he would ask her to move in. To be continued … lol

    I thought of you when I heard Gilles say
    “Marie is a different woman when she is with Denis. She loves herself in a different way. And she also needs to love herself the way she does when she interacts with me. There is no reason to take all that away from her. It would be cruel, the opposite of love.”

    Gilles wrote a book about it, called ”Irresistible amour”. Don’t know if it’s any good, first time I hear of it.
    Don’t know if they edited an English version of it.

  15.  #15Starla on March 23, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    i dunnooooo what to doooooooo

  16.  #16Healing Waterfall on March 23, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    i feel ill and sad and love the attention and feel mad also….
    yea, i feel ill about it too
    i have not had anyone say those things in soooo long.
    and he is not in a committed relationship and is not intimate with her, so it is very gray.
    but it is a good reminder to lean back,
    because part of me wants to go over to his office and tell him not to say those things to me anymore……i do want to say something like that, but i really need to find out how I really am feeling about it…..
    maybe just text him and say:
    it doesn’t feel good to hear you say my legs look good when you are still with her

    thanks for being patient with me 🙂

  17.  #17Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    In my serious discovery, I decided to take the question further and explore it from a “Dark Night of the Soul” perspective. In other words, what can we do when we experience life as so beyond miserable that NOTHING else can inspire us?

    The answer surprised me…

    When *nothing* else can, only 1 thing works: entertaining distraction.

    That’s because when life seems miserable, your mind is so consumed by a negative state that it can’t even recognize there’s a positive aspect to the world. This negativity becomes a habit so bound to your psychological state that it can only be broken by completely severing your connection to that negativity.

    That isn’t easy because it requires an equal and opposite consuming force.

    Something so consuming that you completely forget about the negativity long enough to break the downward spiral your mind is in.

    And in a moment where you lack even the basic self-awareness to realize you’re in a deeply negative state and you don’t want to be, there’s almost nothing you can do to bring yourself up.

    That’s why in my experience with extreme circumstances, entertainment and distraction are the keys to opening that door. It becomes a way that the mind can literally “forget” about the negativity. All it takes is a small crack to let a little bit of the light in.

    There’s two things to keep in mind about this though:

    (1) Make sure that your entertaining distraction includes humor and/or inspiration.

    No horror movies. No purely action flicks. No dramas. All of those will only serve to reinforce your negative state in one way or another.

    Instead, fill your mind with stories of success and triumph. Fill your heart with moments of laughter and joy. In other words: choose something that can help align you with the way you’d like to live.

    (2) Don’t make the entertaining distraction a habit of its own.

    When you do that, you’re only trading one distraction for another. And while it may feel better, it perpetuates the lie of positive thinking. That keeps you from living a truly happy and fulfilled life.

    Instead, see the entertaining distraction as a momentary gateway to lift you up. From that initial lift, start re-using your personal transformation tools: meditation, affirmations, brainwave entrainment, EFT, and whatever else you can think of.

    The entertainment and distraction won’t heal the fundamental problems that brought you into a negative state. Only self-awareness has that ability.

    Still, when you find yourself completely down and out… in a negative hole you can’t find your way out of — find an entertaining distraction. And if at all possible, one that will make you laugh.

    If you can find a laugh, you can find a light. 🙂

    Your Partner In Transformation,
    Chris Cade
    Liberate Your Life

  18.  #18lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm


    I don’t know what to tell you here, I guess since you two are texting one another, I would say something like…

    You know what??? and then wait for his response..

    And then you can drop a super duper FM about how you are missing him and the other..

    Maybe, just maybe, as was suggested earlier, I think..he is feeling you out and he may be missing you as much as you are missing him but thinking that you are as happy as a clam because you have so much going on in your life. He can’t fix things if he doesn’t know there are things to fix. Right????

  19.  #19Healing Waterfall on March 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    great story zara!
    lk, that sounds like it was not a good experience….
    now things are so much better for you.

    it is a good thing i have a party to go to because i really want to say something to him….
    i wonder if starting my business is so challenging to me that i am liking the distraction
    or is it the spring…..the desire for mating in the spring is so strong

  20.  #20Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Healing Waterfall “action speaks louder than words”.

  21.  #21Starla on March 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    lillybelle, your cyber hug felt nice:) i wonder what kind of feeling messages i could use.

  22.  #22Starla on March 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    “when i look forward to my weekend plans, they feel incomplete without plans to spend some time with my [pet name for him]”
    that’s not a bad one! oooh good job, Starla.

    For the record, I might not lean forward at all, but this is great practice

  23.  #23lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Awww..Starla.. I always have lots of hugs for you…

    Let’s work it out right here…

    How about…

    I feel super silly saying this to you CF, but did know that you are like crack and I am missing you like crazy? I need a crack fix, when can you be here?

    KIDDING Starla..I suck at FM’s

  24.  #24Starla on March 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    actually lilybelle i think that’s a great way of saying it to him…

  25.  #25lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Really Starla?

    You know what, I kinda like it too now that I read it again… lol

    It kinda takes the emotion out of it and yet lets him know he needs to do something to take care of you.. Like hopping in his car pronto and loving you up!

  26.  #26lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Not that emotion is bad at all, but it’s less emotional and more to the point of what you need. The emotion can come later when you melt all over his CF self.

  27.  #27Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    OK so guy who I dropped my hanky to about 2-3 days ago on POF has no real dialogue of interest going on, but he is practise right? Hasn’t asked my name etc, he sent me a message today that he had send a message from his moble that I appeared not to have gotten, when I asked what this pithy message could have been, he came back with this

    “:A workman never blames his tools. So it’s your fault xxxx

    How the hell are you supposed to do feeling messages about this kind of stuff?

    Honestly I just don’t get where I am supposed to be going here……….am I dim?

    Well no I am not but when it comes to RR stuff and men YES I BLOODY WELL AM!!

  28.  #28Healing Waterfall on March 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    I would say something like that….
    do you like it starla

    i love all of you that we have these conversations….
    i am feeling so proud i wrote down my goals for my business for the next month, next 3 months, next year, etc and FW, that post is right on, it isfeeling downright painful to write these goals and i am really not understanding why….
    so it is good i am going to go to a party with my gf’s tonight.

    and when you say actions speak louder than words, you mean mine right….
    or his….
    or both…
    i can see the meaning in all of those situations….

    thanks for the feedback and i am going to go celebrate a bday and giving the universe my goals.

  29.  #29Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    doing not going or should that be being?
    God it is all sooo bloody difficult………….sigh,.

  30.  #30lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm


    That just feels icky and confusing and that is exactly how i would answer; if I chose to answer at all.

  31.  #31Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    RE 27 SMB simply – that feels bad to read.

  32.  #32Daria on March 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Healing Waterfall – actually, even a married man telling you your legs look great is just flirting and A ok

    and this man is not committed in a relationship. Rori says ‘gf’ doesn’t count, its just like dating

    I would totally accept the compliment

    and also acknowledge that i dont feel good dating a man that i know has an Emotional Connection to another woman – this feels bad to Me.

    has not much to do with rules, but with how i’ve noticed I felt in these situations in the past… and it took me some experiencing to really feel thta this doesnt work for me

    perhaps im not everyone? for me i felt a achy in my heart.

    When you said – no one’s said those things in so long – well… that seems to be the key issue here… Get the dating Beautiful Goddesss and get complimented by thousands

  33.  #33Daria on March 23, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    SMB – to me when he says “so its your fault” it seems hes JOking and flirting with you

    id answer

    “lol 🙂 okay handsome… “

  34.  #34Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Healing Waterfall I meant both actions. His is showing you what he wants to do with his life regardless of what he is saying. Yours in leaning back is showing him that you value yourself and are looking for something meaningful not something casual.

    Regarding his compliments I wish you would just take it as something all men give to women. He felt good around you in the moment because of the vibe that you were sending off. He was “doing” nothing wrong. He was just giving you something he thought you were worthy of at the moment because you were looking so good. He did not act out on the attraction, or did he?

  35.  #35Daria on March 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Starla – umf i feel disappointed about the plans on leaning forward…

    i was feeling excited to hear what it felt like doing the lean back during the weekend like you had mentioned you wanted to… so that i can get inspired to not contact guys when i felt needy

    omg i feel so scared and unworthy to write this

    how dare i feel disappointed about someone else’s choices . beating myself up: why do i care???? who am i to judge whats good?

    putting down the hammer. i felt disapointed that’s all. i Felt it.

    what else. also curiosity. uhoh = what is the feeling with uhoh? scared?

  36.  #36Daria on March 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    SMB – another clue he is joking is the xxxxx kisses at the end

  37.  #37lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I love the different perspectives on this blog! LOVE them!


  38.  #38Starla on March 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    daria, did you read 22? I might not do anything at all. I still feel very interested in feeling messages to say i want attention and i miss him, just for learning and practice here. and i would LOVE your ideas.

  39.  #39Daria on March 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Starla – i wonder if you won’t feel not as good and fulfilled if u lean forward

    when i lean forward with my faves i feel soothed int he moment but the craving comes back the next day or the day after

    when they initiate however, its like it takes it to a whole new level, and the relationship feels like it just Expanded

  40.  #40Healing Waterfall on March 23, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    thanks daria and fw
    it did feel really good to hear him say how pretty i looked when i saw him yesterday….

    and he has not SERIOUSLY acted out his intentions…..but at least now i feel calmer…..

    and thank you very much for giving me your time and attention….it feels incredibly healing to me, i feel grateful….and daria, your vibe has shifted to gentle lately and when i read your post to me i felt a loving presence in your words.

    off to party!

  41.  #41Starla on March 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    39 daria, i wonder that too. i like never ever ever lean forward.

  42.  #42Healing Waterfall on March 23, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    nice explanation of leaning back
    soothing in the moment when we lean forward….but the receiving is so much better when they initiate.

  43.  #43Daria on March 23, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Starla – ok Daria is putting herself in some similar color shoes

    so if he contacts me then i;ll say … “mmm i feel kinda pist we don’t have plans for the weekend…”

    🙁 i feel so ashamed – judging me: im so harsh!. i feel scared. nv: no wonder guys dont like me


    whoa deep

    im feeeling all frozen and jittery now

    i love my frozen jitteryness

    Nv: “im so demanding!”

    ok. pause redirecting

    I want to practice healing this now

    what if i go under my anger

    him: blah blah

    me: “mm papi im feeling kinda unimportant not being asked out for the weekend. and I feel sad and kinda angry feeling that way”


    ohhhhh Daria you are good. i feel so calm and gentle with that

    ((((STARLA)))) omg thank you for opening this up for me

  44.  #44sensual on March 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Healing waterfall. definitely don’t text him. It would compromise your boundaries to be leaning forward / chasing a man who has another woman in his life. But i believe you can still accept his compliments graciously and you can remain soft instead of putting up anger walls.

    SMB. I agree with Daria, it seems he’s joking, i would flirt a little and joke back maybe “yes, you are right, i lost your message on purpose. Silly me. 😉 …now i really feel curious to know what it said!”

  45.  #45Daria on March 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Starla – i feel surprised to hear that. i don’t want to doubt you, and im feeling confused cuz i got the impression over the past few months that you were practicing not leaning forward to ask for meetings and etc… cuz u were doing some of that before, such as offering for him to come over or holding out for a time that wasn’t set…

    sorry for misunderstanding the situation… im feeling uncomfortable actually scared commenting/asking about this… can you tell me more about what that stuff (around leaning back vs leaning forward) was about and how this situation fits into that?

  46.  #46Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    I would never have gotten any message from the xxxxx because I get so stuck and triggered on the “it’s your fault” kind of message because of the intense criticism I grew up with as a child. Thank you Daria for your message to SMB. It has expanded my awareness and brought up more defensiveness for me to heal.

  47.  #47Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Funny, now I feel tightness in my chest having written that.

  48.  #48Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Daria, I was doing that before CF. I was practicing going with the flow vs. saying how i feel when i don’t get what i want. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve truly leaned forward in 9 months, though.

    No worries about the misunderstanding.

  49.  #49Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    also yes it is a constant struggle/practice not to lean forward. but i like seriously never do it.

  50.  #50Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    “i don’t want to doubt you,”

    it kind of feels like you’re fishing for excuses to doubt me though=/.

  51.  #51Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    I always believe that action speak louder than words but when I encounter things like “it kind of feels like you’re fishing for excuses to doubt me though” it really highlights to me that words are important and powerful and we really need to choose our words when we are in relationship.

  52.  #52Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    OK I have gone with Daria’s reply, thank you Daria, we shall see what transpires………these men are just experiments right? I don’t mean this in a mean bitc)y way but very unlikely we will ever meet……….

  53.  #53Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    fw, i’m not sure what you’re getting at in 51…sorry i must be kinda slow today!!

  54.  #54Daria on March 23, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I feel surprised confused and doubtful, and i dont WANT to doubt you

    sorry for anything i wrote that felt bad

    im feeling sad

  55.  #55lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I was just thinking about the physical act of leaning forward/back when in the guys presence and realized that with all the time I spent on the back of the bike last weekend..I only leaned forward to respond to a question or something Harley said and on those occasions, I had no choice but to melt into his back, which meant leaning forward physically. But oh so worth it, he said such sweet things.. And I don’t really know if I would consider that leaning forward more so than it was just simply melting…

    But the rest of the time, I leaned back.

  56.  #56Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    it’s all good. 🙂

  57.  #57Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    I feel like the queen of misunderstandings today…sorry daria, and i’m not upset at all

  58.  #58Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Starla 51 was more of a note to myself to reinforce Rori’s “Choose Your Words”.

    It also just occurred to me re-reading Mel’s fm that her message showed understanding towards Mr. A’s situation. That is something CCarter always promote – seek to understand before seeking to be understood. It validates his life and what he has going on in his life as important too. I struggle with finding a balance with understanding their situation and speaking up for what I want.

  59.  #59Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Ah lillybelle the relationshi dance. Maybe sometimes leaning forward is just adjusting the step so he can lead effectively?

  60.  #60Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    fw, was it because i chose my words poorly, in your opinion?

    i do want to validate what’s going on in his life. maybe an email would be better;)

  61.  #61Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Not necessarily Starla. I see it as experimenting with different things until you hit the target of what helps him to hear. Which is the reason why I feel so open to repeating myself about things as if it is the first time I am saying it. That I learned from Gay Hendricks when he related an experience he had with his wife. Sometimes we have to experiment with saying the same thing in 1500 different ways. You know how as kids we tune out our parents when they keep telling us the same thing over and over again? At least my kids do that to me and will even dare to ask me if I think they will do it just because I told them to? My son tells me I am annoying when I repeat myself. And they point out when I say the same thing over and over again in the same way. Not saying that is what you do Starla just pointing out how our psyche work.

  62.  #62Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    fw, thanks. i actually meant the quote of mine to daria you used that you followed with saying this reminds you that you should choose your words.

  63.  #63Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    i am totally gonna send an email, mel style

  64.  #64lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm


    That is exactly how I feel about it too, FW. And, it feels ebb-y and flow-y at this point. It’s really quite interesting to look it.

    And more thinking outloud…

    And also how I feel surrounding Starla and CF. They are having a relationship and have been for nine months…and counting.. I feel curious as to why she shouldn’t state her needs; her feelings at this point? I don’t know if I believe that leaning back 100% of the time is a good thing, particularily after a long courtship…

    Starla? Can you offer me some insight into this? I wish to find my thoughts and beliefs around this.

  65.  #65Daria on March 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Silver Moonbeam – just experiments. but why shoot urself down believing that nv. the way i do it with my guys, , after the very next message i tell him

    “well im here to meet men in person, electronic feels so dry. id feel open to give u my number if u think ur interested in meeting me sometime… ”

    then theyre usually like, interested?? omg yes! im so interested give me the number! and then if im not online they like write me 2 more times they’re so excited

  66.  #66Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    lillybelle, i consider exactly that a lot of the time. but at the same time, we’re not committed, because we’re not engaged, so the courtship indeed goes on. I mean, I still date other men!

  67.  #67Daria on March 23, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Maybe sometimes leaning forward is just adjusting the step so he can lead effectively?

    no. that won’t work in a dance lol or in relationship.

    leaning forward = taking masculine role

    putting him in feminine role / pushing him out the bubble

    the way i expressed that thing about feeling unimportant to me is leaned back though

    maybe also anxious, lonely, or disappointed are other feelings id be experiencign.

    instead of leaning forward, doing a 180 away and out the window STILL nurtures us, AND creates an Expansive relationshp – as it grows my ability to care for me and for experiencing happiness … without relying on him to be my fountain… my ability will actually GROW after that so it will be easier to take care of myself in the future…

    MAGICAL things will happen with my energy and with my relationship that i dont even forsee at this point

    the relationship is either growing or its diminishing (not static)

    so me leaning forward is pushing it towards a static back and forth which actully is —> going DOWN

    blah i feel all anxiety icky rememebering feeling caught in that

  68.  #68lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Thanks, Starla.

    Sometimes, I swear I think about things too much and am decidedly better when I just go with my gut on how to “be”. It seems to be getting more natural as time goes by.

    I definetly do not initiate calls or texts..I absolutely do not “chase” ( I haven’t talked to seen or heard from T for almost two months…never would have believed that could, that I wouldn’t hear from him and two; that I haven’t initiated contact since the last time we spoke… YAY for me and ouch, btw…) and I usually say what I am feeling..although I totally suck at FM’s but I think when I spend too much time analyzing..I twist myself up.

  69.  #69Daria on March 23, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    sorry for the “Lol” after dance.

    just noticed how that turned my masculine thought into an “im better than you ” judgement


    oh i noticed i was judging and advising … (((Daria)))

    htan you for noticing

    im actually feeling all anxious and uncomfortable reading questions around this right now…

    *they won’t have the RIGHT information.

    its really important! 🙁

    AWWWW (((((Daria)))))) thank you… and … what if its ok for them to not have all the info? feels scary and…

    could be magical… ! ready? wanna see what happens?

    mmm… ok… ok its ok for u to play now, and you are SAFE

    im so sorry for your pain and for your sad and scared feelings


    I know how terrified and heartbroken you felt being beat punished and criticized for not having the Right info

    and how you didnt feel loved when they thought you didnt


    im so so sorry and im here to care for you now

    Im just gonna hold you until you feel better and want me to let you go play

  70.  #70lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Actually, Daria.. I feel quite interested in your thoughts on this..the actual physical/in person leaning forward as I was describing on the motorcycle…

    Care to help?

  71.  #71Starla on March 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    the last time i leaned forward, he said he had no money to see me. that was a few weeks ago. sigh.

  72.  #72Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    thank you Starla

  73.  #73Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    im still feeling upset

    aack and i feel scared to share that


    wow babysteps galore today

  74.  #74Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    lilybelle – if u were melting into the seat (root) as well as him id still say its leaning back. and if you were melting melting they itd ahve to be that way

    when im ina car and a guy pulls me close, i check how rooted im feeling.. if im bieng pulled offbalance and im using tension and muslce power to hold myself up, thats not leaning back

  75.  #75Sirenity on March 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Had a lovely new CD experience yesterday.
    I was in the city for the day , business and shopping, casually dressed , hair flowing ,flat shoes, minimal make up (but pretty cute over all…wink…)

    Sudden text from POF guy I had exchanged 2 emails with a month ago ..”Are you in town? Lets have coffee”. Normally I would have insisted on MY system of comfort re meeting, but I decided to just be surprised 🙂

    I decided to get off my high horse about calls and arrangements in advance and all that el crappo and I said ‘ Sure!” and he suggested meeting 2 minutes walk from where i already was shopping.

    It went really well. i see he is the guy used to being pursued by women so i just leaned back. I dropped a flippant line about seeing him when hes next in my town , squeezed his hand giggled and left the cafe.

    Hmmm…more spontaneity from me in future . It made me MUCH more relaxed and flirtatious and fun knowing I hadnt “prepared” in any way for a date.

  76.  #76Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    not leaning back *fully*. if im babystepping to melting more and more its all good though, it will still be felt as leaning back as long as im intending it and allowing it

  77.  #77Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    ie allowing it to happen in my body. Puddle status.

    Puddle with a rose stem

  78.  #78lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    I was definetly not off balance or tense.. I’d have to say it was full on melting. And it did feel good. And I felt absolutely, positively happy and content and safe.

    Thank you for the clairification. I like the examples.


  79.  #79Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    sirenity – youre experience feels fun to read about…

    and calling your requirements for respecting time el crappo felt bad. i feel uncomfortable as i judge myself on having such requirements. nv’ theyre so rigid, rules, so demanding


    i love my requirements

    i feel sad

    i want to heal this

    i dont want to judge my own requirements that keep me feeling honored

  80.  #80lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    YES Daria…that’s it… puddle with a rose stem!

  81.  #81Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    when i feel pressured to do soemthing i don’t want to do, i dont feel honored and seen for who i am and the worht of myself and my desires

    ooooh good one

  82.  #82Jilly on March 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Hello Sirens 🙂

    Lilybelle…yay…I feel so happy reading that you have met such a great man…wahoo!! I feel smiley for you 🙂

  83.  #83lilybelle on March 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    Jilly.. that he is….that he is… He’s one of those guys that the old lilybelle wouldn’t have given a second glance to. Hard to admit. It just goes to show a girl (me) that you never know what is truly under the wrapping.


  84.  #84Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    From what I have heard on Reconnect it is okay to lean forward to share our passion for life, purpose etc. I have also learned from another coach that leaning forward in a crowded bar is okay. I also believe that depending on the context sometimes out of necessity we have to lean forward. I feel open to accepting that I don’t understand all the nuances of leaning and the relationship

  85.  #85Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    From what I have heard on Reconnect it is okay to lean forward to share our passion for life, purpose etc. I have also learned from another coach that leaning forward in a crowded bar is okay. I also believe that depending on the context sometimes out of necessity we have to lean forward. I feel open to accepting that I don’t understand all the nuances of leaning back and the relationship dance. I feel open to learning and experimenting.

  86.  #86Jilly on March 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Goodheart…I hope you are feeling better…I wonder if you are taking birth control?

    and the interview is not posted yet and it feels frustrating since I’ve already previewed it…hmmm…but you also have to be a member to access the information…but I’m doing an open call on Tuesday next week on loa weight loss at Good Vibe ..if you want to tune in 🙂

  87.  #87Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Sirenity I try spontanaeity too sometimes. I have to admit that the squeezing of the hand comment reminded me of when I did that to a very masculine man who adjusted his hand to put it on top of mine. He actually looked down as if he felt off balance. Your comment reminded me of my commitment to never do that again with him. I think in the long term it would end up damaging our relationship.

  88.  #88Jilly on March 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    well..I felt a little uncomfortable reading about all the leaning back…when it didn’t feel like the best option

    because I feel better about expressing…

    and it’s all in the vibe…

    and Rori does say you can do anything if you are a rockstar…

    so “leaning back” feels amazing except if it stops you from expanding..I’m not quite sure how to say what I’m trying to say…

    if I say “I NEVER do such and such…” it feels closed off to me…

  89.  #89Jilly on March 23, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    lilybelle…I agree 🙂 I was thinking that about Rugby Man…like would I have been open to him before all this? I think so …but I will never know…


  90.  #90Jilly on March 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    Sirenity..I love that you were spontaneous! 🙂 That feels good to read…yay..and flirty! yum!

  91.  #91Starla on March 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    omggg, ladies

    CF just texted me saying “Ohh Miss Starla, I hope you are well, and the weather is awesome – it reminds me of our weekend adventures”

    ahhh hahahahahahahha imma lose it

  92.  #92Jilly on March 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Silver Moonbeam…”so guy who I dropped my hanky to”…this is sooo cute!! lol…it made me laugh 🙂

  93.  #93Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Starla – i would not respond

    unless i said “omg i feel like ima lose it” for authenticity purposes. wow scary

  94.  #94Starla on March 23, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    maybe i will type up that email, and text back “actually i feel like imma just lose it, reading your text, and i sent you an email.”

  95.  #95Starla on March 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    i feel kinda like a loser for using so much of Mel’s email word for word. Maybe I will edit it further for my own piece of mind.

  96.  #96Sun Goddess on March 23, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    LP just came and got the dog so I can go to the funeral. I feel so lonely without that dog! I cried when he was pulling away and I feel so weird for crying about a darn dog leaving. I hope LP doesn’t think i was crying about him leaving.

  97.  #97Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    I ferl disgustingly (lol can we say that?) tired. It’s awful.

    Date with the new CD/ex-collegue just ended. I’m gonna hve to find him a new CD name… Welll I’m not actually sure it was a dte or just a dinner between two ex collegues… It was very friendly, we mostly talked about work ans coworkers but he paid for the drink at the bar before dibner and for the dinner also. He didn’t offer to drive me home but when he left me at the metro station he had a warm smiled and said it was fun and we should do it again. And as I am writting this, he just repeated that we should do it again…

    Anyway, I tried my best to be a siren, but I was soo incredibly tired that I could barely think and remember what a siren would do. I noticed I was speaking a lot so I practiced not picking up conversation. I still have to worl on talking more in FM.

    Anyway he was nice, cutter than in my memories and I wouldn’t mind seeing him again. It’s just a little weird that he has two girls. So different life styles…

    Anyway, I’ll tell him in FM that it felt fun and that I feel excited about seeing him again too. 🙂

  98.  #98Starla on March 23, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    yay lizka:) you are doing great. when is your date with ATW or did that already pass this week?

  99.  #99Sun Goddess on March 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    It’s time for me to be honest with myself. What do I want from LP? Am I using him to get what I want or am I letting him string me along? I do want to eventually be married again. I want a happy family. He has been really helpful with the death of my great grandma by talking the dog and offering to pick up my children from school on Monday, but I don’t reLly know that that means he really wants to be with me like he said two weeks ago in front of his father and brothers. I wish we both hadn’t been hurt as much as we have in the past. I really feel like that is what is hurting our relationship the most.

  100.  #100Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    And about my challenge…

    It’s been 4 days that I am cold turkey no leaning forward AT ALL with anyone. Woe. And it felt easy.

    ATW said he would contact me before the weekend but so far he didn’t and I honnestly don’t care because I know we have a plan on Sunday, it’s confirmed since Tuesday and I feel so much safe like that. I have to admit that I feel a tiny bit afraid that he cancel the plan or don’t call me at all an this is gonna be really challenging for me not to lean forward and call him on Sunday morning. But I try very hard to trust him, trust that he WILL call me and also, I trust MYSELF that I can go through it if he forgets me and doesn’t call. I can do this. But he will call. I bet he must e super surprised that I’ve been so quiet all week and just doing my own things! If he really can my vibe, he probably also felt that I was so busy with other things.

  101.  #101Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    No Starla. It’s Sunday. We planned on meeting early in the afternoon and go to the museum to see an exhibition about India. Than, we haven’t really confirmed it yet, but we talked about dinner in an Indian restaurant.

    Hmmm talking of this date, I think I’m gonna work on some FMs about the exhibition and also about the dinner… Will work on this tomorrow night. Let me know sirens if you have any suggestions!

  102.  #102Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    And ModelCD haven’t contact me for one week now. Except for a comment he did about one of my FB status… It feels strange. Wondering why?

    Anyway im leaning totally back. And i trust that when he’ll want to see me he’ll contact me.

    It feels good to be so busy and not really care about my Cds. Really a good feeling. My situation at work helps. Lol. And I bet that if I start a new job, I’m gonna be busy focusing on this new big thing in my life. Hmmm maybe the universe sent me this to help me to go through the Challenge of my life more easily and to help me succeed in it and get good results? Well, that feels good to think of…

  103.  #103Starla on March 23, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Lizka, one thing that helps me is to have a backup plan when i’m feeling worried cf is going to cancel. he actually rarely does cancel, but it does take the edge off the worry if you have a fabulous backup plan. it would feel so nice to never have this worry, though, ahh yes:)

  104.  #104Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Good idea Starla. I’ll work Starla good idea. I’ll think of it tomorrow. Right now I feel so tired that I just think pf sleeping all day as a backup plan. Lol. I don’t have a lot of money bit maybe I could use my credit card for a day at the spa and a massage to rest thougj… That could be my backup plan… Or a facial treatment. Ohhhhh 🙂

  105.  #105Starla on March 23, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Lizka, i made a looong list of things that cost 5 bucks or less that I like to do. It’s worth putting some thought into to have as your own resource, even if you only come up with a few things. I had to come up with this list because I always felt so tempted to spend money i didn’t have to cheer myself up when i felt disappointed with how things were going with a man.

  106.  #106Starla on March 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    so sirens, i actually gave up on worrying about writing the email and telling cf how i’m feeling and all that for now. i found myself not even worried or thinking about him at all when i got home, so i lost motivation and interest.

  107.  #107Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Actually the spa is a super good idea. Because if I have to change job, I might not have access to an insurance for the first 3 months… And now, not only my actual insurance covers my massage 80%, but there is also a 100$ credit account that we can use once a year on “part” that is not being covered by the insurance. This means, the 20% left AND the day at the spa. This means a free day at the spa! I think I’ll take the most expensive massage and all the possibles services! Lol!

    Ok I have my backup plan for IN CASE ATW cancels me. But I know he won’t. Lol I feel almost more excited about the backup plan than with the date with ATW. Haha. So if I don’t need to use my backup plan, I have an activity for the next weekend. Ah yay!!

    Thank you Starla!!

  108.  #108Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    106 – good Starla! I’m happy for you! 🙂

  109.  #109Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    So it’s only 9.30 pm here but I’m already going to bed. I am feeling so tired that I feel sick. I want to have a good and productive weekend. So bed early!!

    Plan for the weekend: saturday, run, cleaning, MAYBE hot yoga ( too tired to just think of it now) and relaxing noght at home including manucure and other beauty treatments. Sunday, run and museum with ATW.

    I’m happy with that!

    Day 5 of the Challenge of my life, I’m ready!!! (after this 12 hours sleep)

  110.  #110Daria on March 23, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Starla – oh im feelin this idea right now!

    things i like to do that cost less than $5 bucks

    go to my OG friends house

    go to the library

    meditate by the water – ok part of me is really feelin triggerd now

    its scareming

    you dont even LIKE that


    i did liek it when i did it

    yeah but you dont do it everyday or nothing

    think about doin it now… u dont wanna do it do u?

    hmm no i dont want to feel cold out there

    i feel sad

  111.  #111Starla on March 23, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Lizka, your weekend sounds awesome:)

    I am going to be lounging on a blanket under the sunny skies tomorrow catching a tan at the park:) yummmm i love the sun. don’t worry, ladies, i don’t like crazy skin cancer worship it!

  112.  #112Starla on March 23, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Daria, just keep brainstorming. my list is so long. if it helps, think of it as a list of things you would like to do with men on dates for under 5 dollars. then you can use that list to take care of yourself too.

    on my list are things like going to the top of the highest parking garage around and checking out the view, writing my name where i shouldn’t, riding my bike….

    you also just gave me the idea that i would enjoy my time better by the water on cooler days if i brought a blanket to wrap myself up in. aw that feels so loving toward myself.

  113.  #113Sirenity on March 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    87 FW – further info..

    He took my hand in farewell , and i squeezed his on departure..uuummm..felt slightly naughty and VERY Sirenesque to me. He had a colour shift and leaned right in to me at that point.

    I am feeling unconcerned and flippant about whose hand goes where and when and in what order however I respect your version works for you.

    I have decided that too much passivity feels like suck eggs to me and a bit of a wink and a flirtatious grin , some hints of promises to come and a flip of the skirt on exiting are so much more my style (SLV skirt style !) . And truth is , the men LOVE it .

    THEN I lean back …come to mamma…kitty kitty..

    I have decided that local men need clear signals and i mean , CLEAR. They are happy to do the leaning and be proactive but they definitely need a green light first. They do not wish to offend .

  114.  #114Daria on March 23, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    i kinda tried to control teh outcome and have a man cmoe smoke w me

    then the one who i told to do this (lean forward wow)

    i felt all tightned up

    and i remembered id set that i dont want to smoke w men the first tim ei meet em

    except now i kina do


    or i can jus kick back on smokin and maybe jus meet some

    sigh mm f that feels better

    im feeling really into me before i got so upset and disappoitned that i didnt feel safe with that fisrt man

    and im babystepping to feeling good again now

    i feel excited to have this energy to do my alundry and change the sheets

  115.  #115Starla on March 23, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    daria, you just inspired me to have energy to do my laundry, which was what i been wanting to do all week on friday night. thank you!
    first i’m going to eat some green beans (of course):)

  116.  #116Daria on March 23, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    mmm im feelin so much better now

    yum ate some warm meatballss

    i hadnt been feeding myself well till last nite

    for like 2 weeks!

    pattersn of mine i am noticing…

    and easy to notice now that im eating the quail eggs

    thank you Daria

  117.  #117Luzydel on March 23, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    I am yearning for romance, to be kissed on my forehead while we are sitting looking at the lake. I am yearning to be touch by some strong arms, yearning to be caressed, to feel passion for a man again…sigh! 🙁

  118.  #118Starla on March 23, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    my letter is almost ready to go but i feel like it lacks context. i’m definitely going to need to text a heads up for it, too, because he doesn’t check his email frequently, so i can set some context there.

    it’s hard for me to introduce the email without sounding blamey. but the email itself isn’t blamey at all:) and i feel so glad to be able to communicate in this way and really appreciate mel for the help and inspiration.

    i think i’m going to tell him the truth, something like i feel a deep yearning reading his text about hanging out on the weekends, and so i wrote it all down and sent it in an email.

    and also, cf and i have only written each other a couple of times in email to say serious things, but i think this is a good medium for us two. we do talk frequently face to face or on the phone about stuff like this, and never hash things out in text, but i think this is a great resource for us two to use in certain situations. it gives us two awkward word nerds a chance to really communicate how we intend, and i feel happy that this is an aspect of our communication:). It feels right and like maybe i met my match in this way.

    and i feel like when i send this letter, i have no idea what the outcome will be, because i was careful not to direct or steer him in any way, and it makes it a lot easier to share how i’m feeling. it also feels really good to be more vocal about what i need from a man and not be scared to hurt him with blaming.

  119.  #119Starla on March 23, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    i need to be careful what i ask for. i just might get it, and that’d feel like a doozy, lol.

  120.  #120Brenda on March 23, 2012 at 8:55 pm


    RE: #119 – Do you know the origin of the word “Doozy”?

  121.  #121Starla on March 23, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    there is one part of this letter that i could really use some scripting help with. talking about being “just a girl” or “girls like me” really triggers CF. it’d feel good to have another way of saying this:

    “But I do feel a bit needy…**and that’s probably because girls like me need plenty of touch and attention from their men.** So I’m just going to be honest about that.”

    i could replace “girls” with “monsters” since that is our code word for person who craves affection (aka each of us, lol).

    yes yes that is what i’ll do.

    i’m still open to suggestions, though, actually! haha.

  122.  #122Brenda on March 23, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Hi, I’m tired after helping my friends pack for moving all day.

  123.  #123Starla on March 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    no idea about the origin, do you? tell me if you do:)

  124.  #124Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Been feeling pretty triggered by RecycledCD contacting me last week out of the blue after five months of no contact (as per my request).

    We talked on the phone once and I was feeling happy and upbeat and glad to hear his voice…and spoke in feeling messages pretty well.

    He wanted to meet for coffee etc and I was busy so I texted him this week that I am in town again and he just wrote back that he was glad I’m in town (/??? wtf) and no plans or anything.

    So I decided to cut thru the bull$h)t and I was feeling annoyed that I felt left hanging…(he’s so hot and cold) so I sent him a text yesterday saying “what do you want? I’m just curious.”

    He called me immediately but I didnt answer.
    So he texted me that he just wanted to say hi to me, an old friend and meet for brief coffee to chat and its no rush….

    GRRR Well the “friend” thing got me, it felt bad hearing “old friend” and I told him I feel uncomfortable and I’m not sure I feel open to that, I’d have to think about it. He wrote back good night….

    Well this morning I just sent him a text saying I feel uneasy and I don’t want to spend time with men who are seeking friendship. Bam that’s it. I SPOKE MY TRUTH. And havent heard from him since.

    I don’t care either way. because I feel like I was being so true to myself. i FEEL good about myself. I FEEL like the outcome doesn’t matter, perhaps it made him think perhaps not???? What matters is I FEEL good about my actions. Yay Emerson.

    I may finally be starting to “get it”

    I realize that if he was a relationship guy or wanting one with me he would clarify IMMEDIATELY because I’ve had so many guys that WANT a relationship with me in the past and they have made it super clear!!
    And they don’t give up when they are totally into me!

    I feel thankful for knowing how that feels and knowing that Recycled is not there for me in that way right now and IT IS OK….

    I also want to hand him a bull$#it card because everyone needs companionship and love and he’s missing out by passing EMERSON up!!!

    Loves to me. xoxoxo Emerson

  125.  #125Daria on March 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    whoa.. i was jus bawlin my eyes out from gettin my feelings hurt by my dad,

    and then he’s like


    he came and apologized for always killing my joy and that it comes from insiide like a compulsion and he cant control it

    (i dont believe that, its a choice i know)

    then i gave him a hug

    i eflt pretty upset but wow my dad never has apologized for hurting my feelings

    my family is healing

    also my mom said to my dad she knows i hae “emotional problems”

    i feel surprised



    love to me

    i got cute ski clothes thats where the whole thing jump;ed off

  126.  #126Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    hmm I did have some NVs telling me I was being overemotional/overanalytical/oversensitive and should just meet him for coffee and “see what happens”
    and perhaps my texting was due to impatience and overfunctioning….
    ….but at the same time…no, because I don’t like the hot and coldness….
    and perhaps I’m finally being true to myself that I DO FEEL UNEASY I’m not so eager to become his coffee date again and get my feelings hurt all over again by him saying he doesn’t want a relationship.

    So shut up NVs I know what I did was right!

  127.  #127Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    125 ((Daria))

  128.  #128Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    I keep getting lilybelle and lilybelly mixed up lol

  129.  #129Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Sirens I’m catching up on all your stories and news….its so inspiring to read how you are all CDing yourselves and keeping yourselves inspired….

    It’s soo soo strengthening for me! I love all of you ….

  130.  #130Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm


  131.  #131Daria on March 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Starla – i use… im the kinda girl who…

    or im not the kinda girl who… it works pretty well for me

  132.  #132Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    NewCD has re-appeared…I told him I was surprised to hear from him but it seems we had a miscommunication… remember he never followed up about our breakfast date….and sent a lame text the night prior?? I was muchas annoyed…

    Well maybe I should stop being so stubborn and if that happens again just call him back and remind him (again) that I don’t want to text…especially to firm up plans.

    One thing I will say is that 95 percent of the time RecycledCD is good on his word for plans.

    I don’t want to think about him though and the fact that he sees me as a FRIEND. This is the whole reason I WENT NO CONTACT ON HIS A$$!!!!

    Anyway, back to NewCD,,,they are both from the same country actually LOL!!!!
    But NewCD is funny and lighthearted…I am curious to see how it goes if I do meet him.
    He seems sweet. 😀 I want to remain open and give him a chance

  133.  #133Daria on March 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Emerson that sounds lovely how you were clear for yourself

  134.  #134Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    131 Starla and Daria I like that wording.

    I learn so much from Sirens!!! Yay

  135.  #135Daria on March 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    i like this ‘i feel uneasy”

    ‘i dont want to spend any time with men who are seeking friendship’

  136.  #136Starla on March 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    daria, that is brilliant, thank you, and i’m feeling totally confused why i hadn’t thought of that?????????????? it seems so easy now.
    and it’s actually getting kinda late to text about sending an email, and i don’t want to send it in the morning because mornings are a bad time to do stuff like that…so now i feel kinda dumb for procrastinating. but omg i feel like i picked up this great new skill of communicating even better, and i had a real life situation to practice it with, even if i never send this particular email. or maybe i will send it this weekend. who knows. either way, it’s too late to do tonight, so it is decided for me for now.

    and i did 4 loads of laundry and have 2 more drying right now. That isn’t even all my clothes and linens by far. it’s kind of obscene. these types of material things Do mean a lot to me, though. I feel so good and peaceful when I take care of stuff in my home and for my well being…i hope i never have to trade it for anything.

  137.  #137Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Thanks Daria…I feel supported.

    I was feeling a sense of urgency this morning when I sent the text but I still like what I ended up saying.

  138.  #138Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    I want curly hair.

  139.  #139Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    119 Starla I heard something about this on a radio talk show today to be careful what you wish/ask for!

    So I said aloud in my car by myself “I want a husband!”

    hee hee

  140.  #140Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Feeling soo triggered by my Mom.

    She’s so angry and the undertones show through…it’s hard for me to be around her.

    And she does not take care of herself as far
    as seeking personal growth or physical health,
    it’s like she has given up.

    When I suggest something, she rolls her eyes
    and makes a scoffing noise and says something snarky like “oh that sounds soo **boring** “…

    So I give up too. I don’t want to be codependent trying to convince her to take care of herself, but it hurts to watch her be that way.

  141.  #141Starla on March 23, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    (((((((((((emerson))))))))))))) (#140)

  142.  #142Daria on March 23, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    ((((Emerson)))) keep using feeling messages…
    and pauses

    doing something different

    ouch that feels bad

  143.  #143Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Thanks Daria and Starla xoxo

  144.  #144Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 11:02 pm

  145.  #146Starla on March 23, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    Emerson, I think I have to stop clicking on the clothing links you share…i think last time i ended up buying a bunch of dresses from body central? if that wasn’t you, sorry! =/ hehe

  146.  #147Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    yess…that was meee…. 😀 😀 guilty!
    I love BodyC! How did the dresses work out???

    Their stuff is so super cute and’s kinda like knockoff boston proper stuff sometimes! So much cheaper tho

  147.  #148Emerson on March 23, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Good night sirens….

  148.  #149Starla on March 23, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    i ordered too big a size. which actually pleased me greatly. now i am having a smaller size sent.

  149.  #150Daria on March 24, 2012 at 12:55 am

    uhoh. my date was waiting outside for me and the police came and harassed him, made him get out the car and searched him

    and he was upset and went home

    im feelin troubled

    i dont want this to happen.

    some of this area si private property – ie my private property

    i wonder what i can do if anything

    i feel so mad and furious and powerless .

    i want to stay out there and wait for the private patrol and speak to them to let them know that they work for me and while i appreciate their services

    if they are calling the police on my guests because of their ethnicity i will be not only ready to replace their services but seek legal action

  150.  #151Daria on March 24, 2012 at 1:23 am

    ohok… apparently a couple got out the car and saw him sitting in the car and called the police

    i feel so bad 🙁

    i feel like slappin that couple whoever they are.

    maybe he was in their parking spot?

    poor papi


    well at least he used to live by here so he knows how it is

    that helped me feel less guilty


    and i feel a lil better that the police is not driving through here for ntohing

    im gonna get a cannabis club card too, not that he was smoking or anything

  151.  #152Daria on March 24, 2012 at 1:29 am

    i would feel weird if someone is sitting parked in my spot at midnite too lol

    but he was in a place with multiple parks, not just one in front of the house liek mines… hmmm


    i know its an island there and it probably is kinda late

    i feel a bit relieved… ill just have my dates stop on my property now instead of drving on thru to the island

  152.  #153Daria on March 24, 2012 at 1:36 am

    feelin kinda embarassed to have freaked out about the police harassing my friend when that couple likely called them

    they still didn’t have to search him though

    suspicious activity?

    aww i felt so sad when hes like, i don’t know why they would bug me, i don’t look like a bum or anything…

    awww papi 🙁

  153.  #154Daria on March 24, 2012 at 1:40 am

    wow it feels nice to have felt so mad and be shifting to feeling better instead of obsessing

  154.  #155Silver Moonbeam on March 24, 2012 at 2:03 am

    #36 Daria

    And anybody interested lol!! Well that experiment went horribly wrong. He wrote back “lol how r u xxx”

    This is a 50 year old man BTW……….

    The others are just talking normally but man these men are sloooooow.

  155.  #156Sirenity on March 24, 2012 at 3:32 am


    Yes , they can be slow and sometimes it feels like I am trying to communicate with alien beings online . Having basic conversation can be like pulling teeth when emailing .

    It feels much better to me now to sign off with my username and number very early on in communication with promising men who have managed to write a decent profile. Interesting how few men actually use the phone number 🙂

    I find this technique screens out quite a few time wasters. Many people want contact , but not many want actual meetings. I consider giving him my number the “green light” to a genuine man. It shows him i intend to have real contact and a real meeting.

    If he texts I encourage him to phone , by informing him how I would love to speak in person. And I take the calls. It seems only fair to me to give him an opportunity to “shine” on the phone if he cant in emails.

  156.  #157Daria on March 24, 2012 at 3:59 am

    SMB – I don’t see the problem … Actually he’s flirting back again and he laughed at your joke and now he’s leaning in to ask about you

    Are you concerned about him writing r and u ? Many people use that. Rori says some brilliant men have terrible spelling…

    Can u intend to drop these judgements and babystep to only use the criteria of ‘how they treat me’ as a judge for men ?

    Or is bad spelling and casual spelling so bad ? If so drop him and Amy man completely.

    But be aware that you’re arbitrarily shutting down possibly good men, like a man might be who only dates women who are his age or younger.

  157.  #158Daria on March 24, 2012 at 4:00 am

    I want to change that to be aware that you Would be…

    And I really really want to push you to move to phone calls with these men. You can handle it believe me.

  158.  #159Daria on March 24, 2012 at 4:02 am

    Sirenity – hmm I suspect you’d have much better luck with men if you let them know that talking would feel good, what do they think? rather than just leaving the number . That’s been my own experience and it’s made a difference

  159.  #160Daria on March 24, 2012 at 4:04 am

    Leaving the number as you sign off w no explanation feels a lil lean forward, like handing him a napkin w your number while leaving the bar

  160.  #161Daria on March 24, 2012 at 4:05 am

    I don’t see that it’s inspire a man to use it as much as a feeling message about it would feel nice to hear his voice

  161.  #162Daria on March 24, 2012 at 4:06 am

    *mich better luck w men Calling

    Nv: much better luck e men? Who r u to say that. (()Daria)))

  162.  #163Siren Angel on March 24, 2012 at 5:24 am

    Good morning Sirens!

    I feel really bad that I haven’t checked into the blog all week and I miss you all ♥

    Things are going very well with M. Spent the week at his place and it feels so yummy.

    I had my computer with me and showed him my pins on Pinterest, one of them a gorgeous wedding dress… and he said ‘wow, you know when we get married as it is my 2nd wedding it will be a smaller affair’… ooh la la 🙂

    On another note, after watching a movie on my 17 inch laptop, I went downstairs to make myself a herbal tea before going to bed and came back up to see he’s been on my computer to go on another site and I felt absolutely mortified that he must have seem all my page marks to RR and CC programs! :-O No mention of it though…

    I will catch up and hope you are all doing wonderfully.

  163.  #164Memulo on March 24, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Good morning SA!

    So nice to see you here again 😉 Good news about M.! He is thinking in the right direction huh

  164.  #165Memulo on March 24, 2012 at 5:50 am

    I am cooking dinner tonight for SmartCD and although I’m putting my heart into it (and it takes a lot of work too lol), planning to stay a siren and receive 😉

  165.  #166lilybelle on March 24, 2012 at 6:07 am


    Emerson~ We are one and the same. 🙂

  166.  #167Memulo on March 24, 2012 at 6:19 am

    He is so sweet.. I noticed when he takes me out to his fav restaurants he asks what I want, then talks to a waiter and orders himself and then when they bring the food he hardly eats. Last time I ended up eating and eating sushi because they kept on bringing it and I was never good at pointing at food on the table and offering it to a man lol, I assume each person eats what they want once they see food in front of them. And then I was so full and finally I said I felt curious why we ordered so much sushi as he doesn’t seem to be too hungry and he looked a bit shy and said he IS hungry, just wants to make sure I get all the pieces I want and then he would finish it. And I realized that it happens every single time when we share – he just waits till I am done or almost done and then he eats!! I asked him to please stop this and said it feels so good to eat together, it’s just so much fun. I don’t feel convinced though that next time he won’t do it again, but now I know and can prevent it!

  167.  #168Healing Waterfall on March 24, 2012 at 6:26 am

    Good morning Sirens,
    I have loved reading the blog this morning.
    I just get so much out of the processing and talking about leaning forward….
    i realized i just leaned forward and I didn’t even realize I did it until 10-15 minutes later….
    We are having a bake sale today in town so i emailed crush who loves baked goods to help us get to Iowa.
    (My son and his team won the state tournament and we are raising money to go to Iowa for the world’s in May in Odyssey of the Mind)
    It didn’t even occur to me it was leaning forward, I just knew he would buy some especially if he knew about it.
    I won’t be there, except for from 4-6 tonight.
    But, he might have just seen the bake sale since he works in town.
    Grrrrrr… i feel vulnerable and waiting for a response back….
    I am going to make a list of lots of fun things to do for under 5 bucks, great idea Starla.
    Tonight I am going to go to a salamander crossing event, that will be really fun and maybe i will meet a guy who is into looking for salamanders too.
    I went to look at those dresses you posted Emerson.
    Wow, they look great…..I need to keep working on my business today.
    It was SO MUCH FUN wearing that black skirt and lavender top and I wore purple Dr. Scholl’s sandals and they made a clip clop sound throughout the grocery store and I swear every individual with an XY chromosomal makeup was checking me out…..
    so i felt inspired to ditch the jeans and go shopping today at used clothing stores and get at least 5-6 skirts to wear….
    it felt so good to receive the male attention….
    i must be healing…..i used to want to be invisible…..
    well, i need to make frosting for the cake and bring it down to the bake sale.
    I really love coming to this blog and feel thankful for everyone here.
    I don’t have any plans with any guys this weekend and my son will be at his dad’s house…..i feel sad….i feel emptiness….
    and i feel inspired to create in the space, to create more of what i want, and thankful to have the time to do it, and maybe, just maybe i can get to my favorite spot on the lake and let it heal me….

  168.  #169Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 6:53 am

    I woke up feeling a little more worried than yesterday. Worried that ATW will forget about me and not call for tomorrow.

    I don’t know why though. The plan was confirmed on Tuesday. We said Museum, Sunday, early afternoon. There is no exact hour and place to meet, but it’s still a confirmation, no?

    So why am I feeling worried? Maybe because the plan was confirmed TOO early?

    Ahhh I don’t like that.

    What do I do?

    Loving my worry?

    Taking care of myself?

    And what if he’s expecting ME to call and re-confirm the plan? This guy is weird like that. I know him and I’ve seen him acting with his friends. When we were together, even if he has something plan with a friend, at the last minute, if the friend hasn’t call, he would change the plan and accept to do something with me…

    But I absolutely DON’T want to call and re-confirm the plan or ask if we’re still ok for tomorrow. Because my challenge is to NEVER lean forward for NO reason. I am very proud to be in the 5th day of this challenge and have done no mistake at all, so I am not going to break it.

    So if I get no news from him… ah my god! This is gonna be so hard on my motivation for the challenge!! I can already feel the tightness I feel in my chest when I am feeling anxious…

    No no, if he doesn’t call, I am gonna go to the SPA and “forget” my phone at home. He might not care now, but if he cancels me and doesn’t call me and see that I DON’T CALL HIM either because I have other better plan, he’s probably gonna be worried himself and I am sure he will come soon enough to see where I have been…

  169.  #170Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 6:55 am

    But seriously Lizka, don’t you see that you are hurting yourself with “ifs” ?? Nothing of this has happen yet and he still have one day to call you and reconfirm the plan!!!

    Why don’t you just get out of that bed, and start your day with some laundry and than a wonderful run and some cleaning before a night of manicure and reading?

    Go Lizka, get your mind busy!

    Welcome to the Day 5 of the Challenge of my Life!!!

  170.  #171Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 7:31 am

    While I was doing some meditation and trying to really focus on myself and how my body feels, he ATW texted me. So when I opened my eyes, I had a message from him asking if I want to go to the museum today instead. I answered too fast and asked if it was better for him like this. I shouldn’t have. I should just have answer yes or know. He asked ME if I wanted to go today. I didn’t had to return the question. Now that I’m aware that I am doing this, I know I have to work on this in the future.

    So yes, today is ok for me. I can do laundry and running tomorrow. It’s not a problem.

  171.  #172Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 7:51 am

    I don’t understand but I feel anxious. He asked me what time I said 2.30. He said he has to “come back here” at 6 pm.

    Now I’m overanalyzing about what he has to do at 6 pm and why he couldn’t do it tomorrow like the original plan? And my vibe probably showed up in my messages. Ahh why my head is making up all these stories???

    And how can I switch this vibe before the next hour?? Taking a warm shower and do my favourite beauty things and than get ready while listening to loud Russian music maybe?

    Any suggestions?

  172.  #173Anais on March 24, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Hi Lizka,it seems like he was hinting 2:30 doesn’t work by saying he has to be back by 6.. You don’t want to fall into the trap of being accommodating around his schedule.

    Regardless of the reason he bumped it up to to today, you seem you may not feel comfortable going today. I’m putting myself in your shoes and I’d feel uneasy too. Since you already mentioned 2:30, I would tell him it would’ve felt great to get together today and you feel disappointed since 2:30 was the time that would work for you. And go with your original plans to do laundry and go running.

    If he cares enough about seeing you, he will reschedule and ask when you’re free again. When he does reschedule, try telling him the day and time of the day that you are free. That’s my take on it!

  173.  #174Aurora Girl on March 24, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Good morning Siren Chickies!
    It has been some time since I’ve written on the blog but I have been reading when I can….I hope all is ok and the moving forward is gentle for you…..

    I wanted to share in hopes to inspire others to keep going, keep growing, keep breathing, stay in the moment, stay mindful, be gentle with ourselves and others…..focusing on what love would do for ourselves….for our CDs….

    I am having my happily ever after right before my very eyes and I’m learning not to get pulled into the negative voices in my head and the negative vibes of others….they will always be there but i am keeping their influence me like the breezes that blow and no more.

    My sweety and I had a lovely mini weekend vacation away with my children last weekend. It went very well. It was in some ways a test drive for some other traveling we will do this summer. We both worked this week, kids had school and he heard from his son who is working out of town that he is well. He arrives today and we will spend the weekend at home with my children. Tuesday we will fly to the Caribbean for a week’s holiday, just the two of us. I have not had this kind of holiday in 20 years. I have never had this kind of holiday with such a kind and gentle man in my life. But it is all lining up. A year ago I wouldn’t have believed it! But here we go.

    I weigh a few extra pounds than I’d like to but I don’t care…I’m wearing my bikini anyway. There might be a little rain in the forecast there but again I don’t care. I’m totally trusting this one to the universe………

    I want to give back and share back the good vibes that are there for each and every siren….even when you feel like giving up keep going. Even when the NV get nasty blow them away….

    Much love and good vibes…….~~~~****~~~~


  174.  #175Memulo on March 24, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Thank you Aurora! 😉

  175.  #176Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Lizka for all you know he could also be thinking of you talking about only being together on Sundays. I would go with his plan for today. He obviously have something else planned for later why he mentioned 6 p.m. As such I would be careful not to push to want more time with him than he is able to offer now. Also you don’t know he might just want to do something tomorrow morning also if he feels good about the date today. Focus on being the prize while you are with him today and keeping your vibe up by thinking of things that make you feel good.

  176.  #177Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Memulo you told him to stop it? OMG!! He is making sure to take care of you and you told him to stop it. It reminds me of a similar story my mother told me about my dad and her. He eventually did stop because she was saying he was splurging too much on entertaining her. I would encourage you to say thank you to these things Memulo even while telling him that it is so much fun to eat together rather than telling him to stop. I wonder if he would be up to a game of feeding you? Have you two done things like bowling, or skating together?

  177.  #178Jessie1000 on March 24, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Healing waterfall…sometimes I hate it when I have a break from my boys when I have nothing going on….its so hard to have a life with kids all the time and then try to find people to meet up with when I get a few minutes to my self….they are always out and doing things and asking me when I have my kids….I hate that…lol
    I feel in and out of society
    I feel bored from my break when I cant get enough time to get connections with people and have stuff line up
    My old friends in ns used to run over when I got a break and ask me when do you get time??? but so far in this big city I havent found enough people to fill in those gaps
    I do boring solitary things like house work and it drives me crazy when i know my kids fathers are free single and no kids all the time and they CAN YOU IMAGINE complain about their girlfriends and how are they going to see them…? WHen they get my boys for only a week every few months…lol lol how stupid can you be? Complain to your single mother that you are going to have to give up a week of your life for your kids???
    They use my friends and get babysitters for themselves so they can keep doing what they like to do! My kids father put my son the first night he got there with a babysitter (my gfriend) so he could take his idiot girlfriend to a party because they had it PLANNED for weeks???
    I feel like eating my cell phone like whole, parts and all when my little one told me that
    I felt like jumping up and down on that text and then flushing it down the toilet
    I felt like sending every bad message that I could back to him like F OFF DEADBEAT FATHER
    FYI you suck
    FYI you deserve father of the year
    anyway I wish there was a site for other mothers who go through this because its one hell of a lonely experience
    my little one is at my friends house this morning and i just got a coffee ,…had a smoke, bought some bacon lol for my teenager upstairs sleeping and now back to studying
    My PHD comp. exam (That ive been studying for almost 1 year….100 books and 1 exam on monday)
    and I feel like im in a daze
    I heard this guy order bread at the bakery and i thought he ordered a loaf called my name
    I thought I heard my name on the pager at good life but i was dreaming…
    Im hallucinating cause im so stressed
    I dont mind failing but my whole department would also know which is what kills me
    I want to be good enough
    I want to have no baggage
    I want to have a happy Normal life
    I want to know the answers before I write them
    Im obviously driving myself crazy
    I think about my kids fathers …one of them said you are so Freaking old no one will even hire you if you pass
    im 41
    Im going to pass and get hired and then move again and never speak to any of those people who didnt help me or support me
    Im going to do this despite these cobwebs in my head
    Im going to show my dad my certificate and tell him guess what
    guess what?
    Im better than you thought I was and it was no thanks to you
    IM going to be a doctor and then piss on this diploma cause i didnt need a piece of paper to tell me IM WORTH LIVING
    IM worth connecting to
    Im worth a visit
    SO Are my kids
    Im worth a phone call
    and you know what ??? when you call
    im not even going to answer

  178.  #179Siren Angel on March 24, 2012 at 8:33 am


    When M and I have sushi, i mirror him, slowing down and following his lead; he takes a piece of sushi, i take the same kind of piece, and so on. I usually stop before him, saying something like ‘it felt so yummy. I feel so satisfied’ ect

    This way i figure i sort of let him lead into choosing the pieces i am fed (and also i slow down because i would just wolf it down!)

  179.  #180Starla on March 24, 2012 at 8:40 am

    I still haven’t sent the letter. but i am going to! i keep editing it!

    I am loving practicing getting all the blame out of my words:)

    also i slept on my new sofa last night, just cuz i can, and i felt like a guest in my own home, haha. i wish alias girl were around so i could show her my dream couch i finally bought. and i hope she bought hers.

  180.  #181Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Daria I sent NewCD an email replying that I’m available such and such day and then signed my name with my phone number, as soon as I did that, I regretted it. He HAS my number first of all…and it feels weird now that I did that. 🙄
    It’s ok it’s just practice!!!
    OMG but then I sent him another email saying I’m possibly available on other days besides the one I mentioned because I wanted to sound flexible. But now….
    I’m realizing I should have waited a day or so to reply because I was all in a weird funk and vibe from so much contact with Recycled…
    Oh well.
    No word back from Recycled either. Whatevs!!!

    FW I’d love to have your feedback to or comments regarding my prior posts about Recycled saga etc……

  181.  #182Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 8:47 am

    180 @ Starla I was just thinking about alias girl the other day. Wonder how she is doing 🙁 miss her!

  182.  #183Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Thanks for sharing Aurora Girl!!

  183.  #184Starla on March 24, 2012 at 8:53 am

    need to rescript this:
    “And I feel really sad that often I don’t see you for almost a whole week nor during the weekend…”

    it just feels too intense. Mel’s originally said “can’t see you for a whole week”

    but he didn’t say to me that he couldn’t. he just didn’t make the plans. later on the in the letter, i mention about how my weekends feel when we don’t have plans together.

    ack, this one little line, and then i’ll be ready to go, i think!

  184.  #185Starla on March 24, 2012 at 8:57 am

    I miss her too and i haven’t seen her since she got upset with me a ways back. i don’t want to blame myself because our levels of intensity and emotion were not at all matched that night, but i feel really bad that she never came back.

  185.  #186Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Thank you FW, that’s an awesome advice.

    I’m waiting for him now, he should be picking me up in a few minutes. I listen to music very loud while I was getting ready and I sang and danced while doing my hair and make up. Now my vibe ia definitely up. And I even thought of calling a friend to go out clubbing tonight. Yes yes I want ti wear a sexy dress and dance all night!! And in bonus, I’m certainly not gonna insist on seeing ATW longuer than he can offers me!

  186.  #187Jessie1000 on March 24, 2012 at 8:58 am

    starla ….use roris line…
    this doesnt make me happy

  187.  #188Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Thank you Anais!! 🙂

  188.  #189Mel on March 24, 2012 at 9:08 am


    Awwww… I feel so happy that I could help! 🙂

    “And I feel really sad that often I don’t see you for almost a whole week nor during the weekend…”

    What about:

    And I’m feeling a little sad knowing that I may not get to see you for almost a whole week…

  189.  #190Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Hi Lizka
    Have fun with ATW and I like listening to music as well when I get ready, it keeps my vibe up!!
    Can’t wait to hear how the day goes.
    Awww maybe he couldn’t wait till tomorrow to see you so he wanted to see you sooner, today! 😀

  190.  #191Starla on March 24, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Hi Jessie!

    Can you help me with describing what doesn’t make me happy? I feel stuck there: “often I don’t see you for almost a whole week nor during the weekend”

    it feels like “i’m keeping score and have a thorough run down of where you fall short” a little bit, no?

    but i don’t want to be too vague, cuz then he won’t know what i’m even talking about, lol.

  191.  #192Mel on March 24, 2012 at 9:11 am

    It makes me feel so touched that he’s stepping-up to make his home Mel-ready. That he actually took the needs that I voiced seriously. He’s on the hunt for a pretty dresser and today he’s at the hardware store to figure out about getting a second shower installed. This man continues to amaze me on a daily basis. 🙂

  192.  #193Starla on March 24, 2012 at 9:12 am

    hi Mel! didn’t see your reply.

  193.  #194Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 9:14 am

    179 Siren Angel,
    I like this idea!
    I am going to try this. 😀

  194.  #195Mel on March 24, 2012 at 9:14 am


    OOh…. and maybe add this:

    And I’m feeling a little sad knowing that I may not get to see you for almost a whole week…**

    **…because my body tingles and my muscles melt and my whole body feels happy when we spend time together.

    (Or something equally as descriptive)

  195.  #196Starla on March 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

    oooh mel that is a great addition. i’m going to leave it off because i was really happy with the letter and should let it be or i’ll drive myself crazy, but i want to use that or something like it next time i feel like i’m missing out on something!

  196.  #197Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Emerson great idea!! I’m going to focus all day that he wanted to see me today because he couldn’t wait one more day! Even if it’s not true, it helps to feel sireny!

    Yay, I am the price!!!!

  197.  #198Healing Waterfall on March 24, 2012 at 10:02 am

    I hope you have a great time with ATW, Lizka!

    That’s a great idea to blast music to keep the vibe up!

    I also asked myself in the shower why I was so focussed on male attention and what age I am when I really want it and I got the stress response got fixed when I was 5 years old. And my mom threw competition energy at me and was jealous of me.
    And me wanting to get her approval ramped down my femininity and bubbly soft girl energy….that is about the time that i decided to be a tom boy and told her my name was not going to be elizabeth any more and i became a huge tomboy and renounced girly things…..
    so i should go shop for girly things this weekendd….

  198.  #199Memulo on March 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

    FW and SA,

    Thank you! Got caught up in cooking and cleaning and didn’t pay attention to the blog. FW, really?.. It’s a bad idea to ask him not to do it? But I felt bad that he was sitting there like for a while and not eating?

    We have not done skating or bowling, he was sick for a long time and said he doesn’t really skate. We always see each other in the evening and it’s a dinner, a movie, a show.. I’d like to break this pattern and add a walk in the park or a museum visit. Perhaps if he stays till tomorrow morning I can suggest that tomorrow if it feels right..

    SA, next time I can ask him to ‘guide’ me thru sushi, this idea feels really good!

  199.  #200Memulo on March 24, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Hope so much he likes my cooking! I made a cake even last night and a lot of other things lol. If he doesn’t like my food it will be a bummer ;(

  200.  #201Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

    I didnt know there was a new thread, I was wondering why the island got quiet.

    *copied from last thread*

    Okay if there is anyone on the blog right now, I could use a little help.

    One of my CDs has a bunch of female best friends, one of which he still hangs out with regularly, and that he had sex with before we met (which I know for a fact). She posted “I miss my best friend” on his wall on facebook and it got deleted. (not sure how)

    She came back and posted this

    “Well, since females want to be dumb and insecure and delete my post on my BEST FRIEND wall, I’m going to do it again… I MISS YOU BESTIE!!! ”

    So first of all, im kind of uncomfortable about a guy being best friends with a girl he has a sexual history with.

    secondly…. does a girl have ur FB passowrd. Im a little uncomfortable with that too, because as your friend on FB she has access to all my information, my past conversations with you, EVERYTHING. Im not comfortable with that, and I know anybody can do that nowadays, just give out their passwords, but I just dont feel comfortable.

    I dont know how to tell him this, I want it to be a very Sireny script. But in essence that (the above) is how i feel about what i just saw VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. what do i say, how do i say this?

    Very Uncomfortable

  201.  #202Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

    I saw something on facebook which indicated to me that someone other than you has access 2 ur FB and i feel very uncomfortable about it, because I’m friends with you on FB n they would then have access to all our old conversations and to my page and everything.

    I also feel very confused about people being best friends with someone they’ve had a sexual history with, and I dont feel comfortable dealing with someone who is in such a situation.

    *not sure anyone’s here just practising and revising.*

  202.  #203Lush_Oasis on March 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Good morning, Sirens!

    Mel — you’re story feels so happy and fairy-tale like. I wish you conitnued happiness in your adventures 🙂
    Starla — your story is also a great princess / knight-in-shining-armor tale. How sweet! 🙂
    In other news, taCD saga has come to an end. I feel sad [of course], but in the long run, I feel peaceful. I did not believe this was *the* relationship meant for me; too many issues were sounding the alarms, and it just didn’t feel right after some time. Anyway — that chapter has ended and I have turned the page in the book to a new beginning. Unfortunately, the new page is empty and I feel lost and empty and sad and oddly thrilled that the canvas has been cleared so I can paint a new picture.

    My phone has been incredibly quiet since the early morning hours; and though other CDs would text occassionally — it was nowhere near the volume that taCD did. It will be an adjustment..

    I wanted to make sure to thank everyone here for your patience, support, and words of wisdom for this ordeal. I appreciate all of you! {{ }}

  203.  #204Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

    I want it simpler, i feel like i am explaining what about it makes me uncomfortable when i don’t need to, i jus wanna let him kno I’m uncomfortable.

    I feel that explanation coming from some part of me that just needs him to understand so badly, so that he doesnt judge me as “spoiled”, “A TRIP” etc… hey Mr!! I’m not trippin, im tellin you how i feel.

  204.  #205Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Hi lush_oasis, glad to know i have some company here lol. Happy weekend. *hugs* by the way, i like blank pages. Thats why I like turning pages, hoping the new one is blank and that I can write whatever i want on it. I can even draw and color and paint or tear it out and fold it into something cool. New beginnings are a blessing!

  205.  #206Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Lush_Oasis, maybe if you think of it that way, you may feel inspired by it 🙂

  206.  #207Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

    I saw something on facebook which indicated to me that someone other than you has access 2 ur FB and i feel very uncomfortable about it.

    I also feel very confused about people being best friends with someone they’ve had a sexual history with, and I dont feel comfortable dealing with someone who is in such a situation.


  207.  #208Lush_Oasis on March 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

    LOL — Emoticon {{ }} Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. New beginnings are brilliant, but difficult to swallow at first; knowing that the old ending has still a running memory. But — the past is the past and does not exist as the past since it is not in the present. Well — or — something like that!

    Fortunately (I believe), I do not have a FB account; so I am not much help to your scenario. I have enough predicaments dealing with other sites; I don’t need social media helping make things more confusing for me (ha! LOL).

    I agree though — it feels icky to have a friend connection on FB if they’ve only been sexually involved. Hmm ..

  208.  #209Starla on March 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

    I am going to send this email to him tonight, and text him about it when i send it, because i remembered he is with his friends all day and night today, and i don’t want to distract him from being present with them.

    so i am trying to think of the text i’ll send. and i’m struggling. there’s a lot i want to say to set context for the email, and direct him to check it, since he doesn’t check it regularly. here are the things i want to say

    -i feel silly for the delayed timing
    -(maybe) i didn’t want to distract him while spending time with his friends today so i didn’t send it this morning
    -when he said something about being reminded of our weekend adventures together, my focus on something i was already feeling felt intensified, so i wrote him an email

    any help?

  209.  #210Jessie1000 on March 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

    starla…lol im a very abrupt person…I would be like omg I need some ass and im so going to dump you and forget you cause you suck…
    I would be like im not happy with you …im not going to see you. im not going to do nothing for you cause im not a cup of coffee that you can pick up whenever you want to…lol
    I would be like what do I see in you when you never visit me?
    I feel like shit
    I feel like this conversation is giving you so much power
    and you dont deserve it…
    come chase me for a bit cause im not doing this no more
    I would shut my phone off starla and make him wonder wtf and why arent you on my radar
    make him suffer
    im a bad person with this stuff cause I cant handle it
    I dont know anything
    I just like complaining to them….
    Complaining like a dripping tap
    I like to see if they listen and if they dont then i get rid of them….
    the ones that dont respond are prob. just not keepers
    or are control freaks with pretty facades!!!
    I think you are struggling because his actions are making you feel unworthy and thats not nice
    You are so worthy starla…dont afraid to ask
    if people said no to you alot when you were younger or didnt respond to your needs….then this process would likely cause you alot of pain and angst
    Maybe its not the convo. and letter that is hurting you….maybe it is the asking for what you need
    maybe you assume that he wont listen, or dump you or ignore you
    BE POSITIVE…you are a jewel
    and if he doesnt respond that has nothing at all to do with your worth…it means he sucks

  210.  #211Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 11:58 am

    So i sent the first part of my little speech…. should i bombard him with it all at once, just say it all?

    Hi starla!!

  211.  #212Starla on March 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

    “I noticed some stuff going down on your wall that gave me the impression that someone else has access to your facebook account. and i’m feeling a little uncomfortable and unclear what that’s all about, because my privacy feels so valuable to me so i feel worried that someone else has access to our conversations and my profile…what do you think?”

  212.  #213Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    i sent it all *covers eyes*

    no NVs im not trying to diss him or control him or tell him who to be friends with or who to give his FB password to.

    I just dont want to be in a situation, where im dating a guy n he is best friends with a girl he used to f*ck freshman year.

    And i need to be more careful about chatting with him on FB, sometimes its probably not even him!!!! ah, the internet….lol so useful, yet so…..ha idk!

    Lush_Oasis, you’re probably right, social networks can make this a little bit more complicated than usual.

  213.  #214Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Starla *thumbs up*

  214.  #215Starla on March 24, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Jessie, I sooo relate to your style, and it’s kinda been my go-to style myself. So I am feeling really excited to share my needs in this way. The *entire premise* is that I do feel worthy of this stuff, as these needs are who i am, so a solution doesn’t happen that feels better, i will not stick around. I feel good knowing i will have shared my feelings in a vulnerable, clear, and non-pressurey way, so if a solution never comes, i’ll know that it’s not because of the way i communicated or failed to communicate.

    Also, he called this morning and left a message, saying lots of wonderful, sincere things, and confirming our plans for monday, just like i told him would feel good. it seems he is a bit clueless and i’ve been playing it just a bit too cool and fabulously busy, and also money and time are factors for him but if that doesn’t get addressed this isn’t going to be the relationship for me.

    does that make sense?

    as far as the text message, i don’t want to sound psycho or unworthy or angry or any of that supercharged stuff…so i am struggling to find words to accurately represent the feeling/ideas i listed out above…that’s what i mean by ‘struggling.’

  215.  #216Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    omg…. his response :O

    “Lol whoa whoa, before u go assuming stuff. This gurl had my phone and was playin games on it as then went to my Facebook app and deleted a post and I tol her to repost it. So calm down “

  216.  #217Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Im not sure i believe that tho *sidenote*
    why would the girl say girls wanna be all insecure n blazibla??? n then he commented “lmao i miss you too” underneath like he knew what she was talking about…. ummm HUH hellooooo…. im a very smart girl.

  217.  #218Starla on March 24, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Jessie, you wrote such great multidimensional stuff to me that i feel like i only responded to part of your comment, i’m sorry!

    asking for things does trigger unworthiness. you know else triggers me? when i’m not actually that triggered but i sound as such by choosing the wrong words….haha what a trap. that’s where i’m at now with trying to write this text message.

  218.  #219Starla on March 24, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    lol, emoticon, i would let it drop and not say anythign, and then just be nice and friendly to him if he tries talking toyou, and then next time he asks you out, let him know you feel flattered but don’t want to go out with guys who have exes close in their lives/guys who have a lot of close girl friends/whatever you wanna say emoticon.

  219.  #220Starla on March 24, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    he might have said lmao i miss you too as in seeing through her tantrum as her just missing him.

    or like when one of our friends is like “you look like you’re gaining weight,” and we respond “lol i love you too”

    or something.

  220.  #221Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    YES Starla, thank you, great way 2 deal with it. I dont want this to turn to some argument. And i dont think he will stop being best friends with this girl, so lets jus leave that alone.

  221.  #222Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    I’m a siren. I can do this. I am that. I can lean back amd resist to the urge of kissing him…

  222.  #223Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Yeah Starla, it is possible that he’s telling the truth, but it doesnt change the fact that our privacy has been compromised if someone goes through facebook on your phone. I feel like he’s just trying to get out of it cuz he probably feels like he’s in hot water.

  223.  #224Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Emoticon how about just telling him you feel uncomfortable about it and because you don’t want to assume anything you prefer to unfriend him. You can’t control his behaviour but what was she doing with his phone. I would feel triggered by the comment but then again he was not the one who said she was his best friend.

  224.  #225Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Melt lizka melt into yourself

  225.  #226Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Yeah FW he has never said they were best friends, but they are def close friends who hang out all the time, very very often. I feel uncomfortable about that, they used to have sex….

    am i being insecure? or am i right and this is just inappropriate?

    Anywayz WHO CARES…. i really dont have to date him, they can be best friends but no man with a lover turned best friend is gonna be a lover of mine. I just cant deal with it.

  226.  #227Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Emoticon it would great if you could establish that boundary with him and just live it.

  227.  #228Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    FW, what do you mean?

  228.  #229Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Memulo what does he do for fun? Most guys are into some kind of physical activity. When you do those kind of things with them you get associated with fun in their minds. Eating can be boring for guy.

  229.  #230Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Emoticon the boundary of not dating a man with a lover turned best friend. I would express how that makes me feel frist. He might change his actions but I would not expect it.

  230.  #231Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Oh ok, I dont expect him to…. i really don’t. He’s a very friendly person (which I like) but then that also means that his friendships are just about one of the the most important things to him (which is okay) i just dont do the female BFF thing, n i wont.

  231.  #232Starla on March 24, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    emoticon, his reaction says to me he is a man who catches a lot of flack from women;). for one reason or another.

  232.  #233Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    LOL yes Starla you’re right…. He’s very popular at school (football player). The ladies love him, and I feel like they settle for the “best friend” title when they really want something else.

    I know because guys have tried that with me, calling me their “best friend” when they just tried to sleep with me!

    Needless to say, I do not encourage it, and so they stop. I dont do the best friend thing, best friends with benefits, none of that.

    HE even tried 2 trap me in the FWB section and I told him outright that I dont do that, and wont deal with him (or any guy) on those terms because thats not what i want for myself. He asked me to let him try again. I give u another shot, yes, but i know your tricks boo, you tried them on me.

  233.  #234Starla on March 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    my weekend is going a bit differently than i had planned….i decided to cook some treats and hang out at home. i was supposed to put on a skirt and head to the park for a tan but i don’t feel like it.

  234.  #235FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Well, I caved. I’ve only been wanting healthy foods the last few weeks. Things are good as I work my way through the lessons in the book.

    Today, a moment of insanity came over me. (I usually make everything from scratch but I have a lot to do so got a box cake and already made ‘fake’ frosting for pot luck tomorrow.)

    I opened the frosting before I even had the cake mixed and was eating it off my finger :-/

    Probably only a tablespoon total—but still—I feel icky now. I know it’s all hydrogenated oils and sugar. Blech :-p

    BUT—this is WAY better than I used to do when I craved something sweet. 😉

  235.  #236Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I am sure he wiLl like the food.

  236.  #237Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Flowerchild just drink more water than uSual

  237.  #238Starla on March 24, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Memulo, yes, the food will be yummy. i love it when people cook for me, and even when it’s just so-so…i just love it!!

  238.  #239FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Starla, I understand why you want to address the issue of time together/seeing each other now–before any more time passes.

    I wish so much that I’d listened to my feelings way back when and made a boundary around it. Right from the start I felt like we didn’t see each other enough and it never really did get better with any consistency.

    CF sounds like he might step it up for you if he knew how you really felt. I agree that he might things are ok and you are happy doing your own thing during the week.

  239.  #240FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Thank you FW….yes, and with each drink, I picture it ‘washing’ the frosting through me and diluting it till it’s gone 😉

  240.  #241Starla on March 24, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    thanks, flowerchild, i actually feel really excited to share this email with him. i just wish i could think of a way to text him about it that set the right tone.

  241.  #242Starla on March 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    i so wanna know what OM said to tiffany in his response, where are youuuuu tiffany? nosy starla is losing it over here wondering!

  242.  #243FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm


    Txt: “Hey (whatever-you-call-him), Something on my heart I want to share with you. I put it in an email. Love….

    At the end of the e-mail did you say, “What do you think?”/”How can we fix this?”

  243.  #244Starla on March 24, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    flower child, that’s pretty good, thanks:):):)

    i said “what do you think?”

    i love asking men what they think. i love men brains

  244.  #245FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 2:20 pm


  245.  #246Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    I’m back from my date with ATW! It went well I believe. He picked me up, we went to the mall because he wanted to buy new shoes. Than we went for lunch at an Asian restaurant and we went to the museum. I could see he was really happy to be there and he really enjoyed the exhibition. We had some time left so we went to a hookah lounge to smoke shisha and drink tea. He drove me back home and he also paid for everything, except for the museum of course because I had free tickets sent by my old university.

    Nothing big happened during this date. There was not even one physical contact or kiss, but I think that I acted very sireny and there was some kind of connexion between us. A few eyes contacts, and also he was listening at me more than usual. I told him about my situation at work and he was very comprehensive and listened to me in a very sweet way and I felt really appreciative of that. We had a good connexion in our discussion. Overall, I am pretty satisfied with the way it went and pretty confident that it was a good start.

    Here’s what I did good and feel proud of:
    -A few good feeling messages
    -Melting a lot into myself
    -A few eyes contact
    -Being in the moment and enjoying it.
    -Lean back position all the time
    -Not picking up the conversation
    -Repeating myself that I was the price and acting like it.

    What I did less good but that I will work on for next time:
    -Two times I asked “innocent questions” and turned them as a joke. One was to know what his plan for tonight was and the second to “complain” that I didn’t get kiss. Isshhhh yeah that was probably very icky. But it was a two seconds things and I leaned way back right after, smiled and got out of the car (it was when he drove me home).

    Ok so now let’s the magic work…. 🙂

  246.  #247Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    “Ok so now let’s the magic work….”

    I understand that this might take a while though. The challenge is so not over. I need to keep totally lean back as I’ve been doing for 5 days now. I trust myself that I can do it and I trust that the magic will act on him and that he’s going to come back and ask for more time with me.

    In the mean time, I am going to take care of me and focus on my own beautiful life. Finding a new work, training for the marathon, doing things I like…

  247.  #248Starla on March 24, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Lizka, woohoo! i can feel how powerful you are right now just reading about your date!

  248.  #249Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Ah thank you Starla!

    I feel a little worried though. Worried that he will not contact me for a few weeks or suggest another date. I have to accept it and stay where I am and not lean forward, but it might be hard…

  249.  #250FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Well…after not calling at all yesterday (which is very unusual…he always calls) he called this morning but I was running errands and missed it. I didn’t call him back until later this afternoon.

    He asked to see me tomorrow after church. I said yes. I will use this time for my FMs and lean back.

    I want to say: “I’m sad. I feel unimportant in this relationship. I feel alone and I don’t want to feel this way with you. What do you think?”

    I’m sure (now that he knows I’m not happy) he will try and kiss me and want to have s3x. So then I’m going to kind of lean back, but stay open and say, “I feel lost and disconnected…….I’m just a girl, here, and I can’t get naked with a man I don’t feel connected to.”

    I’d like to end that with “I need more______” but not sure what the word is…affection, time together, contact, touching, sex (all of the above?)

    What do you Sirens think?

  250.  #251Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Lizka that sounds nice and wow you were very sireny! Awesome! I feel inspired to do the same. 🙂
    It can be frustrating not to have physical contact. I understand this so much.
    He’s lucky he got to just be in your presence miss siren 😀

  251.  #252Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    hello ladies! Sirens, et al…
    I have a question. How do I get this guy to stop texting me when I’d rather talk? I am trying to be open and flexible and not so rigid like “I DON’T TEXT” but it gets annoying and I feel disconnected and like I cannot make a connection that way. I feel uninspired and distant. Help me form a script please….
    It’s NewCD again and he’s very sweet, I am trying to give him a chance…I’ve already told him that I don’t want to text in the past and he STILL keeps texting me. 🙁 ack!!! I don’t want to be a bit$h but good Lord….help me.
    I mean I guess I could just stop answering the texts??
    Please let me know what you think ladies….

  252.  #253Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    250 @ Flowerchild
    sometimes just saying “I feel disconnected” works well without explaining….

  253.  #254Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Aww thank you Emerson!!

    It feels good to have the sirens aproval on how I’ve been doing during my date. I feel reassured.

    Thank you Emerson and Starla. I feel smiley.

  254.  #255Starla on March 24, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    “i’m feeling burnt out on texting…would feel so good to hear your voice..what do you think?:)”

  255.  #256FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    This guy fell on the “clueless/difficult” line in Rori’s Toxic Men program (the other two categories are ‘good guy’ and ‘toxic man’) so it’s been my experience with him that he needs things spelled out. I need to be specific or he doesn’t understand.

    I get it that it should be as concise as possible.

    Lizka—sounds like you did great on your date with ATW. 🙂

  256.  #257FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Emerson…I’ve heard other Sirens say to either not answer the texts so he has to call–or text him that you’re tired of communicating this way and would rather talk on the phone and maybe leave him your number.

  257.  #258FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Yeah…what Starla said… 🙂

  258.  #259Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Thank you Starla and FlowerChild!!!!!
    I am goingto say that ok…I actually feel like this guy is really sweet and I want to get to know him, I feel curious!

  259.  #260Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Ladies I am feeling so much better about Recycled and the fact that I spoke my truth. Who cares if he didn’t reply?

    I actually started feeling a lil bit like “aww poor recycled is hurting and reaching out” yesterday thinking he is trying to relate to me but being akward/emotionally immature/etc.

    AND THEN… I realized/remembered that none of that is my business.

    What matters is what I FEEL and I brought it alll right baaack here….to EMERSON. yay it’s getting easier to flip and not OBSESS!!!

    Guess what else??? I may have a new job lined up that I planted the seeds for a few weeks/months back…and it may be coming true! I don’t know for sure yet, but it is an AWESOME opportunity. 🙂

    Feeling hopeful.

  260.  #261Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    I need to get some of Rori’s programs already! OMG I really want reconnect your relationship to listen to in the car! I have to consider the $plurge an investment it’s just hard to plunk down the $$$

  261.  #262Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    I feel happy to have my Saturday night free and have no plans. I’ve been doing so many things lately, date here, going out with friends there, that I am feeling exhausted and happy that I just can do nothing tonight. I am cooking sinner right now and after eating, I’m just gonna watch TV or maybe read and go to bed early.

    Wow, a month ago I was crying my life because I was alone on Saturday nights…

  262.  #263Lush_Oasis on March 24, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    @Emerson 252

    I understand you would rather speak with and / or physically date your NewCD but he continues to send text messages as his preferred way of contact. I also read that you’ve mentioned to NewCD that you feel disconnected by sending so many text messages and that you feel better talking with him. Have I heard you correctly?

    If that is correct — perhaps trying to find out why NewCD prefers texting to talking to physically dating would help (if you don’t already know, that is). For instance, does he prefer to text because he has roommates (or others on in the house) and doesn’t want his phone conversations overheard?

    Does he prefer texting to talking on the phone because his hearing is bad so he doesn’t understand the conversation or the phone connection is bad which makes him lose half of the conversation; this may make him feel insecure and unwilling to repeatedly ask, “what did you say?” or something.

    IDK — maybe he’s extremely insecure or shy and needs to feel secure in himself or your reaction to / of him.

    I’m just typying out loud. I have gone as far with one CD I was talking to at one point with the message that … “it feels really good to get your messages, but I’m driving [sure you could use another thing here if you wanted — cooking, walking, etc.]. I would enjoy continuing this conversation and would feel happy to receive a phone call, but I don’t want to feel rude by asking you to call me. What do you think?”

    I don’t remember my exact wording, but I do know that the message got his attention and he called straight away.

  263.  #264Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Thank you LushOasis. You are correct in your recap of my story about NewCD, and the thing is I don’t know why he always prefers to text, it seems.

    Also in the past, I have talked to him on the phone several times and we are great on the phone, I didn’t notice any issues or problems with connection or hearing me. Thanks for pointing out those possibilities though and to be honest I don’t mind texting now and then, I do it too, but for me I feel disconnected and bored and I don’t want to feel that way.

    I feel that it’s better for me to be upfront and tell him than to just go on texting an entire conversation. I also have a problem receiveing texts sometimes so when people cancel or change plans with me, sometimes I miss the message, which SUPER SUCKS.

    I’ve explained all this and he was like “oh ok I understand no prob” still, alas, the texts…

    I DO indeed enjoy seeing the messages but at some point I need to move on to talking.

    Well anyway…we shall see what comes of it.

  264.  #265Jilly on March 24, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Emerson..yay!!! you sound so good…and something totally switches when we tell our truth …like the outcome doesn’t even matter because it feels so good to be authentic and take care of ourselves 🙂 wahoo!!

  265.  #266Jilly on March 24, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    cuteskierguy keeps texting asking if we can get together but now it feels toxic to me…wow…even 3 months ago I thought it could work…I feel happy how things have turned out!

    and then today I received a Facebook friend request from the guy who told me he had to leave the country and then 2 months later stood me up again…and I haven’t talked to him since and now he wants to be fb friends…weird….YES they always come back!!! lol

  266.  #267Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    265 thanks Jilly!
    I feel happy seeing your reply to me. 🙂

    That’s interesting your perspective changed about the skiier guy and also the facebook request!

    I don’t think I like the idea of being friends on FB with a CD. I am too stalker-tendency and I will read into everything. Not that I’m really a stalker but more like cyberstalker like hmmm….let’s look at all the pictures! Who is THAT girl??! LOL

  267.  #268Jilly on March 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    thank you universe for all men 🙂

    on another note Rugby Man wanted to talk about US last night and wants to be introduced as “boyfriend and girlfriend” instead of my friend Rugby Man….

    to me…this feels adorable and I love it!!!

    It did make me think of Mel when she was talking about the introducing thing.

    THEN he started asking about relationships and I think I’m so used to being vague that don’t know if I really even said anything lol…and then he said that something usually happens around the 4 month mark and he doesn’t know why LOL!!!! He totally said 4 months…but he said he’s never felt this way before…so…time will tell…but I don’t feel worried about the 4 month mark….just aware 🙂

  268.  #269Jilly on March 24, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Emerson….I don’t feel good about adding CD’s to Facebook either…not at this point anyway 🙂

    and ya your vibe is totally up…yay!!! 🙂

  269.  #270Ella on March 24, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Oh Dear I am feeling terrible and shaky.

    I have just left MWC on a binge drink in the pub.

    I feel sick. And then sad, then tense, then blank.

    I feel so scared and alone.

    After the other week when I caught him drinking wine in the morning we talked and at the time he said he may have a problem with alcohol.

    I did not spend time with him for about a week after that, except for one afternoon coffee date.

    We talked about stuff.

    He said he wanted to cut down drinking.

    And he did.

    However 2 evenings this week I have smelt alcohol on his breath when he has said he has not been drinking.

    Not strongly, just that I could smell it.

    The first time I said in FMs…

    And the second time I didn’t say because I did not want to keep having the same conversation.

    He has not been ‘drunk’ or behaved badly, and other than that everything has been AMAZING. This last week I just started to allow myself to get a bit closer again and starting experimenting with trusting again.

    The way I looked at it was even if he was in some denial and I could smell alcohol on his breath those 2 times, he has cut down massively and I was assuming he was dealing with it and trusting he would do the best for us.

    However tonight he is with his colleague and they are downing shots at the bar.

    The whole evening alrady felt weird to me because when I went into work tonight I went into the kitchen to read an order, and he barely acknowledged me.

    This morning we were cuddled in bed and he was saying how much he loves me and we were intimate and it was all feeling so close and so amazing.

    So I thought ‘Oh well he is in work mode, he is probably busy’.

    But then everytime I came in the kitchen he was laughing and joking with a female colleague of ours that he is very close with.

    At the staff Xmas Party, just before he and I started dating in earnest (but we had kissed and he was pursuing me) we had a secret santa, only he made his not so secret as he had got here, and he had way overspent on the budget and made a big deal of giving her all these presents.

    It felt awkward to say the least.

    And there is a standing joke about how he facebook stalks her, although he has stopped that since he’s been pursuing me more.

    And I know there friends but it is obvious he has a little thing for her.

    She is younger and has a boyfriend and I think she views him as a friend.

    It feels kinda humiliating to talk about this.

    Anyway, I have never mentioned it to him as since he’s been kinda with me, or wanting to be, he has been very much focused on me…

    However the vibe between them and the way they relate has always got to me.

    Its just so easy/flirty. And I feel so awkward right now, because of being so uptight cus of the drinking.

    The whole thing just feels truly terrible.

    So I was already feeling weird because of that.

  270.  #271Starla on March 24, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    ladies…i went all day without drinking coffee, and i didn’t drink all that much the last couple of days….so i think…i quit coffee!!!!!!!!!!!

    i do. i really do. i’m totally addicted but i don’t want to deal with that addiction anymore. the end.

    also, it has been exactly 16 weeks since my last cigarette:)

  271.  #272Ella on March 24, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    So anyway, Tonight when I saw MWC had started drinking I Felt weird.

    He had been avoiding eye contact all evening so I felt something was ‘off’

    Well I went to the loo to have a time out and cus I thought I might need to cry.

    I didn’t cry but I hoped my boss would let me go early. And then my boss did say go.

    And at that point MWC had only had a couple of drinks.

    I felt confused as he had only said he would cut down not stop and so I felt weird about being ‘stiff’ over him having a drink… however because I had already smelled alcohol on his breath earlier in the week it didn’t feel like a one off.

    I had been hoping I would get to talk to him about the female work colleague and how weird I had felt around him tonight.

    However once I realised he was drinking this idea when out the window.

    But I thought it would be over the top and weird to just leave without saying goodbye and I decided to vote for me and assume he wants me. So I decided to walk over and tell him I was leaving.

    When I reached him I realised this was not just a couple of drinks so much as a session. There were more shots and drinks lined up on the bar.

    I just said to him I am going home now.

    He gestured to go outside, which was where I was going anyway.

    Once outside he asked me what was wrong but I felt weird to talk to him when he had been drinking, it felt pointless, so I said I was going and would speak to him later.

    In the past if I have felt funny about anything he has always held onto me and focused on me and got me to stop and talk about it.

    This time after he asked me twice he just said. Ok then when I said I was going.

    And I left.

    And it just felt awful.

    But the thing is I can’t/won’t join in with the staff afterwork drinks anymore because I find it too triggering knowing what I know about him and his drinking, that the other staff don’t.

    And it feels icky.

  272.  #273Ella on March 24, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    And thw whole night felt weird too cus I had 2 men pursuing me (other than MWC) one quite strongly.

    And I was trying to decide whether to give one my telephone number or not… and I wasn’t going to, cus it felt kind of like betraying MWC since he has been so step up and making such big changes for me… But then when he was acting off tonight I thought maybe I would give the other guy my tel.

    And at one point they were both in the same room and the new guy kept making eyes at me and smiling at me.

    And I felt SOO uncomfortable.

    Anyway when MWC started drinking I felt overwhelmed and left quickly, without giving the other guy my tel.

  273.  #274Lizka on March 24, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Congrats Starla!!!!!!!!!

  274.  #275Ella on March 24, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    And right now I am finding it so hard not to let my thoughts race and my head spin.

    Thoughts are trying to spiral about what this all means and whether it is all over for MWC and me, and how I would deal with that and working with him.

    I feel so scared.

    I really don’t think I have it in me to be that Rockstar.

  275.  #276Ella on March 24, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Well Done Starla,

    I am thinking of quitting coffee too.

  276.  #277Ella on March 24, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    I feel very shaky.

    I am pretty sure there is a way to be Rockstar about this and if I didn’t have feelings for him none of this would feel so important and I could be ‘breezy’ like her and the other staff.

    And I feel resentful like that has been taken away from me.

    I feel so uptight and I hate it.

    Its really triggering and humiliaing to think of them all having fun and me being seen as the one with the problem.

    Although I expect I should probably not care what they think of me.

    And part of me doesn’t.

    And part of me really does.

    I also feel kinda angry.

    And a little bit like, not bored, but kinda of like turned off, or just tired of it all.

    I don’t know I can feel a kinda strength in the pit of my stomach that I am just too strong to let this pull me down now… and that I will be fine.

    But I also feel hella scared of feeling really sad feelings when I think about the loss of what I thought we were going to have.

    And I feel blank about not having that man in my life again, giving me all the stuff he was… cus no-one has ever quite treated me that well or given me as much as he has in such a short period of time.


    It feels confusing and icky.

    And I know I’ll be ok.

  277.  #278Ella on March 24, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Is anyone here??


  278.  #279Luzydel on March 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    So today I experience a bit of the tools in action, they came out so natural that I realized I did them after wards. My ex husband was in my sns bedroom helping him with some stuff; i went into the bedroom and told something to my son that my ex started to correct and belittle me; I hated that about him and when we were married I would go back and for telling him not to talk to me that way and the fights will never end.

    Today I took a deep breath, left the room and made me a sandwish and drank juice look at my cell phone played a gem stayed in the living room and took care of me, then my feeling got away. before he left with my son he apologized for his tone. It was nice that I can react different to the things a man can say to me.

    Also today I had an epiphany at dance class; one of the husbands of my instructors did something that could be considered “emasculating” (because he did something nice to another man), but i saw it as the sweetest and strongest action a man can do! Then right there I realized that there are good men! Some men can do amazing things just because. 🙂

  279.  #280Starla on March 24, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Ella, wow, i feel really impressed and happy for you that you left. i hope you’re patting yourself on the back:)

  280.  #281Jessie1000 on March 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Ella! I once had a bf that was a big big pothead…he was so fun and so sweet…he sold big amounts and it was his custom lol to light up a 1 gram joint and smoke it and many others all day long but he was so friggin nice…i was sick in love with him…he bought me a puppy….he paid my rent, he was awesome in bed and best of alll….he adored me….so we talked about livin together and i said…alll that selling and stuff has to go and guess what?
    He turned into a well theres only one way to put it….a little cry baby…lol he started crying over his daddy and his grandma and his stepdad and how his stepdad only cared about him when he mixed his stepdad drinks…and lol lol he went from the most self assured and confident calm pot head to the most insane nervous crazy man!!
    he got paranoid and thought that crows were following him with videeocameras…i think he was seriously mentally ill and seriously had a nervous breakdown the second he got off the pot…lol
    so the long and short of it….is what if that guy that is an addict is really a horrible nutcase without the alcohol…like a medicating rageaholic or a whiney sad pathetic shell that is holding off his schizophrenia with pot.
    NOT saying that anyone who does drugs is half insane…I know lots and lots of people who are great and sweet and sane who smoke….
    all im saying is if your man wasnt drinking….maybe you would hate his guts?
    Just saying….
    usually when one loves alcohol that much to act like that in front of you ….to be with him you may always have to be with him and his mistress …the bottle
    and you deserve better than that….

  281.  #282Ella on March 24, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Ok I am going to do something positive.

    I am daamn well going to master this for me.

    I am going to shift the way I am looking at this to help me feel soothed and I am going to start working on some scripts ready for when MWC approaches me again.


    Number 1 – He IS JUST A CD! Nothing more. Its just dating. We are not married. There is no ring. I have not completely shut down my other options. He is just a CD who I happen to have been intimate with!

    Number 2 – This clears up my queries about whether to CD. And makes me feel a lot easier about doing it. I can/will/am. And there is no need to feel guilt because right now MWC is not offering me what I want.

    I am allowed to say no to stuff.

    Number 3 – I CAN be Rockstar.

    I so can. I’ve done it before. I still feel stuff for him but that’s ok. I can feel my feelings.

    And I can stay at work if I want to, and there is no reason for either of us to treat each other badly. And it doesn’t matter what other people think.

    He can just be someone who I dated and was/am fond of, but right now I don’ want to date as I don’t want what he does.

    Number 4 – My life is ok. Its good.

    I will be ok.

    I feel scared and that’s fine.

    But I will be ok.

    Number 5 – I can keep working there. But if I need another job there ARE other jobs for me.

    This could be a blessing in disguise.

    The Universe pushing me in a different direction.

    Number 6 – I have always been totally honest and lovely to him.

    And tried to do the best for him and me, so I can feel proud of how I have behaved and the choices I have made.

    Number 7 – I have grown a lot.

    I think I might be a lot stronger inside.

    And I am not drinking at all in the midst of all this. But I will if I want to. I just don’t want to.

    I don’t think.

    Number 8.

    I will be ok.

    I will be ok.

    I will be ok.

    I will be ok.

    I love me.

    I love me.

    I LOVE ME.

    now for some scripts so that I feel prepared.

    I don’t know if this is the end of the road for me and MWC… but maybe this is an opportunity to try Rori’s third way.

  282.  #283Ella on March 24, 2012 at 6:17 pm


    Yes I feel good that I left.

    But soooo shaky and a bit icky.

    I am going make myself a cup of Redbush tea and a sandwhich and then maybe do some reading in bed.

  283.  #284Starla on March 24, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    LOL Jessie, I know the types….the ones who i actually want to please never stop using mj ever…because they suck without it. i don’t actually see anything wrong with this, because it is a great medication in this way and a personal choice that doesn’t hurt me, but i personally need to be with someone who can handle life all the same without a substance in the picture.

    this isn’t including tobacco.

  284.  #285Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    I don’t see you as the “uptight” one but more accurately the “invested” one…you are being real and actually behaving as a caring person and not codependent. In fact I’ve been jealous of the girl in your shoes who is involved enough with a man to be serious while I was just the (unremarkable) good time jokey-around girl, like your female colleague perhaps.

    So you are in a high position, so to speak. I like that your vibe is still high, obviously, because other men are constantly trying to get your # or give them theirs!! There will be others. I say go for it.

    281 wow Jessie…your post read like a novel..I’m still feeling captivated.

    I do think you have some valid points. I once dated a super nice pot head as well. I still have a place for him in my heart but he is long gone…but he was masking a whole array of abandonment issues from childhood and his mom was a raging alcoholic.

    Anyways, after a while I just got tired of the whole pothead thing and tired of wondering “is he high right now??” (he would try to hide it from me because I was a bit “uptight” and didn’t like to be around it or be with him when he was smoking)….

    and then…

    it was like a switch went off…I was out of there and done with all of it. Completely done. He would always come back around from time to time to try and reconnect with me but I was DONE. I never got back together with him.

    Phew…wow I haven’t thought about that in a loong time…it was years ago in my 20s.

  285.  #286Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    285 Ella just to clarify I meant go for it taking those other men’s numbers (if you feel ok about it I don’t mean to tell you to do something you feel uncomfortable with) and even if you don’t ever talk to them, at least it’s a reminder that your vibe is high! You are STILL a siren. And if you want to keep your options open, you CAN…

  286.  #287Brenda on March 24, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Getting more cd practice! Mr Cop wanted to get together tonight or tomorrow night. I was legitimately totally booked…so he planned ahead w me for Monday!

    I am learning to up my level of difficulty! Yay!

  287.  #288Jessie1000 on March 24, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    starla…the nice thing about addicts is that they never talk about anything too intimate too…i find the sober ones are more “real” more in touch with their feelings and have less delayed reaction
    u know delayed reaction?
    You and your man break up…he calls u in a couple of days and you patch it up/
    Delayed reaction: you and your man break up….he shows up 6 months later wasted out of his mind after hearing and seeing not hide nor hair of him….after thinking hes jumped off a bridge or that he had the coldest heart and couldnt even check in once in a while after a break up to say hi or nothing….
    and when you talk to them you find out they have been on a bender of cocktails..drugs, alcohol, miixtures of both and they want a chance to come back and then when you are over them, hate them, and say no….they tell everyone what a bitch you are!!!
    I hate delayed reactions….cause you feel terrible only to find out that time moves so much slower for addicts than for sober people (but they are usually way better in bed cause all the stuff they cant say or show when they are sober comes out in amazing sex and affection….thats how they hook u

  288.  #289Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    282 Ella I love what you said in this post. Great references and reminders for me as well. Love it.

  289.  #290FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    ((((Ella)))) I can imagine how sad you must feel about his behavior after being all cuddled up with him only just this morning. I’m sorry….

    It seems as though he does not have as much ‘control’ as he says he does (or wants to have.) Therein lies the problem with “cutting down” etc.

    Some Sirens give no gf speeches until there’s a commitment or a ring/proposal etc….perhaps you could figure out a speech about not wanting to pressure him about his drinking, but that is not what you want and until he chooses to stop and get truly sober that he cannot have you all to himself….?

    That would ‘free you up’ to date other men without feeling bad about it. Only you can decide whether to be sexually exclusive with him or to not do that anymore so you won’t feel so attached.

    You are a beautiful sexy Siren and I’m sure lots of men would be SO happy to date you, step up to please you and cherish your feelings, wants and needs. <3

  290.  #291FlowerChild77 on March 24, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Brenda…Yay!! I’m so happy to see YOU happy and enjoying your life right now. 🙂

  291.  #292Jessie1000 on March 24, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Emerson! Oh my…abandonment issues is exactly right, I just wanted to love him and care for him and make everything good in his life but most of the time he was somewhere else and it got boring talking to myself.
    That was my 20’s too!
    Funny, my Beau read my post and he said he had a gf just like that. He said she had a small place and she used to smoke all night long and she worked for the dept. of nat. defence or something…she was super high up in the government and she would get so high and go in her bed room and forget he was home. He said he would come in and she would jump out of her head cause she thought she was being raped –she was always completely zoned out.
    Thats pretty lonely to partner with someone like that unless you like it that way.
    She got fired and spiralled out of control into way more drugs and pills and he said that they passed each other and she doesnt even recognize him now.
    Too bad, drug use can go either way for some people.

  292.  #293Jessie1000 on March 24, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    starla…the nice thing about addicts is that they never talk about anything too intimate too…i find the sober ones are more “real” more in touch with their feelings and have less delayed reaction
    u know delayed reaction?
    You and your man break up…he calls u in a couple of days and you patch it up/
    Delayed reaction: you and your man break up….he shows up 6 months later wasted out of his mind after hearing and seeing not hide nor hair of him….after thinking hes jumped off a bridge or that he had the coldest heart and couldnt even check in once in a while after a break up to say hi or nothing….
    and when you talk to them you find out they have been on a bender of cocktails..drugs, alcohol, miixtures of both and they want a chance to come back and then when you are over them, hate them, and say no….they tell everyone what a b**** you are!!!
    I hate delayed reactions….cause you feel terrible only to find out that time moves so much slower for addicts than for sober people (but they are usually way better in bed cause all the stuff they cant say or show when they are sober comes out in amazing s** and affection….thats how they hook u

  293.  #294Healing Waterfall on March 24, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Hugs to you Ella!
    I was feeling curious about your date Lizka, it went well.

    I so did not lean back today. I just kept running into him, since the bake sale was at the grocery store and we kept running out of baked goods and i kept baking more and I received the check from my bank to pay him for the taxes, so I delivered it instead of mailing it, which would have been really strange to mail it and pay money to do that.
    He was really glad to see me and gave me a huge hug twice.
    But it is tax season and he has been working nonstop and he is never grouchy and he was today. I just feel insecure about myself lately.
    I have two friends on the west coast who I talk with on the phone and trade with and they said they have felt funny after talking with me and I just don’t feel like myself recently.
    I have been putting myself out there with the business and it is feeling really stressful and I need to make more money.
    I feel unsure about a lot of things and i really want to reach out and get a good feeling from talking to him. But he is not in a good mood and I am feeling down, I usually feel like my life is good and there are lots of things to be grateful for, so i will list them and shift this mood now.
    I am grateful that we raised 950 dollars in our bake sale today.
    I am grateful that my friend D and I get along well.
    I am grateful that my friend J. had such a nice party last night and that she listened to my idea about having some zumba, it was really fun.
    I am grateful that we shared dinner with D and her family tonight.
    I am grateful that my crush said that my son was a great kid and that he gave me a couple big, heartfelt hugs.
    I am grateful that the weather is colder because it feels more normal for people to be wearing coats and jackets this time of year.
    I am grateful that I look good for my age and that I am learning in the immersion program to really start my business.
    I am grateful that I have this blog and am able to learn from all of you and be inspired by you all.
    I am grateful for my jobs teaching.
    I am grateful for a prospective client, who contacted me after I gave a talk last week.
    Wow, I am starting to feel so much better.
    And softer and more close to the vortex.
    Good night siren island.

  294.  #295Sassy on March 24, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    FC, the more you deny yourself a craving or a “treat” as it were, the more you will want it and focus on it. So don’t beat yourself up about the frosting!

  295.  #296Ella on March 24, 2012 at 7:01 pm


    Thanks for the support.


    I really like the idea of giving a version of the no girlfriend speech substituting the committment I want for no acohol or drugs.

    I was too scared to make a boundary of totally sober before, as I did not think it was possible or that he would agree.

    I thought maybe there was a way of cutting down but right now its all just feeling bad.

    So yes I feel I could do the no g,friend speech.

    Thank You.

  296.  #297Ella on March 24, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    So here are my scripts.

    “Mwc. It’s felt great spending time with you and right now I am feeling lonely and afraid. I don’t feel like we are on the same page. I feel unsure that we want the same things.

    It doesn’t feel good to be exclusive with you whilst I am feeling so unsure and confused about stuff.

    I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I want to be married. I feel great when I am with you and I don’t want to put pressure on this relationship, so until someone shows up who wants exactly what I want, and is able to offer me a situation that does not feel confusing or have questions over drinking issues, it feels better to keep my option open.”

    There that is first attempt.

    I know it is a bit long but I based it on the speech Rori gives in Targetting Mr Right.

    Sirens, what do you think?

  297.  #298Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    292 @ Jessie
    Again, wow…I feel almost floored reading this.

    I can totally identify with what you are saying.

    I’ve wondered often why I am attracted to addicts, (although my mother tends to have some addictive qualities….)
    It may be because they keep it “shallow” and yes the s&x is amazing and intense with them…but the interaction overall is unhealthy in so many ways…

    OMG I am learning so much from all of you…thank you.

  298.  #299Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    287 yay Brenda 🙂

  299.  #300Daria on March 24, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    umm omg my family is healing. inspired by ME

  300.  #301Coco Kisses on March 24, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Hey Sirens

    I am feeling a bit sad this evening. I am missing my husband. I still feel love for my husband. Realistically I know men love u for who u r, and not what u do, but it feels bad that I made so many sacrafices for my husband and he didn’t appreciate anything. I relocated to his country, amount other things. I realize he never loved me for who I was,….I feel really bad, who wants the baggege separation and divorce.

    I don’t want selfish love. It would feel beautiful to experience sacraficial love from a man.

    I realize that I am building attraction with my husband by leaning back and no contact and CDing, but how do we start all over again? This feels painful, frustrating, and almost impossible.

    Has anyone totally renewed their marriage from a crppy sexless marriage to a marriage/relationship to hot like fire

  301.  #302Starla on March 24, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Jessie wow what you’re saying about their delayed responses and how they come back waaaay later and then act like you’re a b*tch for not being receptive…that is so my last guy. we bickered over alcohol quite a bit. CF and I have shared beers on two separate occasions and that’s it, and i really like that.

  302.  #303Femininewoman on March 24, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Go to a car dealership.

    Go there and look for cars. It’s like being a woman at a sports bar. You’re rare.

    Every guy is going to want to talk to you.

    You want the yuppy or the super successful businessman? Go to a BMW or Mercedes dealership.

    You want the guy that’s rugged and masculine? Go to a Ford dealership, he’s looking at his F-150’s.

    You want the guy that’s conservative, kind of laid back a little bit? Go to the Kia dealership, he’ll be inside looking at the cars with zero financing.

    Target the type of men you like by the type of car that he drives and then go to a dealership and man shop.

    David Wygant

  303.  #304Starla on March 24, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    the phone rang and my heart started racing…i knew it was CF again, and I feel so scared to talk to him when i have something on my heart…and also too wrapped up in doing my own thing tonight as planned to want to disrupt it. he is probably wondering why i’m not answering him today.

    btw i never sent the letter, still might not? i dunno. feeling lovely tonight though:)

  304.  #305Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    Silver Moonbeam #27 – how about this response:

    “Um, okay. See you later!”

    Of course, he *did* sign it with an “xx.” He was probably being flirty. But it also sounded just plain rude, since he didn’t even answer you’re question. Maybe, in his case, you could practice “walking away”…;)

  305.  #306Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Coco – I can’t help you with resurrecting a marriage, but you’re definitely doing the right thing by leaning back, getting into yourself and your own interests, and letting him come to you if he wants to. I like to think of Rori’s phrase sometimes: “Men fall in love with you when they are giving to you.” I believe that is really true. And good men, deep down, really WANT to sacrifice for their women. And even though we want to be appreciated for our sacrifices to them, they often don’t see it. But right now you can stop sacrificing, and let him come to you. Or you’ll find the right man who *will* love you in the best way.

    And in the mean time… (((hugs)))

  306.  #307Brenda on March 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Emerson, and Flower Child,

    Thank you! I am finally feeling more second nature with feeling messages! Yay!

    Cop emailed with me back and forth for a while tonight, asking, “Can I ask you a crazy question?

    I wrote, “Shoot!

    No, don’t shoot! 🙂


    He asked, “I know you just want to be friends but would it be all right if sometime we cuddled on the couch and watched TV? I think that would feel good.”

    I wrote, “That would feel smilkey (Daria’s and my created word!)! I love cuddling!”

    So we have a cuddle date for Monday. And considering how long it’s been since I’ve been cuddled and how Rori says it’s healthy to have a “man snack” to keep from going crazy, I feel really excited!

    I actually had fun using my feeling messages! And it feels good that I am attracting a higher level of a man. He was injured on the job, bit by a pit bull, and had an ankle replacement. So the police force retired him 7 years ago.

    He got two Masters Degrees, and now he is a captain of a tow boat and also a college professor teaching criminal justice. He is very intelligent and interesting to talk with.

  307.  #308Brenda on March 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    In other news, I had some deep healing with Kenny today. We got heart to heart, and we found some common ground. It feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. I have my friend back.

    We still have issues to work thru, but we are talking openly and without walls now.

  308.  #309Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    306 Brenda how sweet that he asked for a cuddle! I love it, that means your vibe is high! You are on fire girl! 🙂
    One question, what is smilkey??

  309.  #310Emerson on March 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    302 FW that is brilliant

  310.  #311Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Okay, okay. I know you have all been on pins and needles, just *waiting* to hear what was in the mysterious message from Orchid Man. (not!) Or maybe just Starla was;) And I have kept you in such suspense!…so I’ll tell you.

    I finally read the email on Friday afternoon, after I had done some work with a private client, and felt safe to read it, alone, in the office at my work place.

    It was a pretty short message. I really expected the worst. I almost expected to read something really mean like, “yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re a f8ed up b8* and it will never work.”:( Sad for me that I would think something like that…feels so bad to read that out in writing. Sad because that is probably what part of myself, inside, was telling me….:((

    *Actually* what he said was that he was pretty sure we might run into each other somewhere [which I interpret to mean that he wouldn’t mind if we did.] He also then accepted my offer of quasi-friendship by saying that he might want to “catch up” some time when he is in my area. He also said “you’re welcome for the orchids.” And he told me that his had bloomed.

    It really was a very nice, sweet and friendly message. It made me cry, right then and there. For two reasons: 1.) because here is this man, being so nice to me, and I am not in a relationship with him. And 2.) Relief, because it WASN’T mean and degrading…

    I’ll tell you why I expected that harsh response, actually. Because after I broke up with my fiancé 5+ years ago, I tried to make peace. At first, he was pretty receptive. But as time went on, he got more and more combative. To be sure, I was pursuing him way too much, out of compulsion, and against everyone’s better advice. But still, in the end, he would respond to me with the most vicious, hurtful messages. He ran from me, he hid from me, he treated me like a “crazy b8t*” and essentially called me as such (which made me feel like one), and he blocked me from his life. All of that hurt me so much that I have become afraid of it happening again. He was the most significant relationship of my life, and the closest I ever got to a man. Now, on some level, I guess I expect all men to fall for me hard and fast, and then reject me completely out of hand. It feels so bad. I guess I haven’t totally recovered from that experience.

    But in some small way, this helps to break up that crusty layer of fear that says that when a man says he doesn’t want a relationship with me that he is going to also treat me badly and like I am worth less than nothing. OM’s email warmed my heart, just a little bit…

    Now, I know what you are going to say – that I shouldn’t accept friendship from a man that I want “more” with. And that did cross my mind. When I cried, for just those couple of minutes, after I read the message, I realized that “just being a friend” was not what I had wanted or hoped to receive from him. ON THE OTHER HAND, it is an open door. If he *does* ever choose to see me and “catch up” with me, as he said, then I have an opportunity to practice the tools in a low-pressure situation. And that could work really well, even if I don’t get “a relationship” with him.

    And to be honest, when I really think about it, I am not sure that I even want one. When I run through the situation and all the different permutations of what happened, or what could have happened, I still arrive at the same conclusion: he is not the guy for me. So what better guy to “practice” on, then a guy who isn’t really for me?

    Sometimes I think the pressure of an impending, or even a possible relationship, can build to a point where I lose my balance, my composure. I do and say “stupid” things, and I start to push the guy away, out of nervousness or self-doubt, or who-knows-what. It feels like “protection” – from what, I have no idea.

    I guess this is what it’s all about. Losing that “protective” stance…

    On Monday, I am looking forward to beginning a possible new therapy in “somatic repatterning.” It really sounds perfect for me. But I have to check it out first, to see if it will be effective, or if it will do what it actually promises to do for me. The therapist is a friend of a friend, who referred us. And if it works, then I might be able to do a trade for the therapy. (and if I can’t then I won’t be able to afford it 🙁 )

    But I like the guy. I met up with him last week at a coffee shop to talk about his work, and I nearly knocked him off his skateboard on the way in. Tehee! But I didn’t know it was him, and while we were waiting to figure it out, I got into a random deep conversation with two hipster-looking possibly gay guys who were just hanging out. It was a pretty fun day! haha

    Hope everyone is doing well on the blog! I had to take a little break, and now I am staying in for my Saturday night. And believe me, I don’t want to go ANYWHERE, because it is raining like the bejeezus out there.

  311.  #312Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    I want a man snack! lol 🙂

  312.  #313Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Speaking of “man snack,” I heard from A last night. 🙂 It was sweet, because I had been thinking of him – he is so tall and sexy! And I’d been kind of hoping to hear from him. He texted me just as I was going to sleep. So we had a little “good night” conversation.

    Thought he might text me today, but *sigh* my phone is not working. Sadly, my money situation is so bad, that I can’t pay my bill until Tuesday, and until then I have no phone. 🙁

    Part of me had been hoping that he might want to get together. But at the moment, I feel it’s just as well that I get to take care of myself instead…

  313.  #314Starla on March 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Thanks Tiffany, I was about to have a heart attack.

    I am glad you both were able to end the whole episode with dignity and class:)

  314.  #315Starla on March 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    i sent the email and a text telling him about it (thanks flowerchild).

    love to me:)

  315.  #316Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    What has been super new for me the last few days is, when I feel an emotion coming up – like sadness/relief, when I read OM’s email. Or like how I felt today when I found out my phone was shut off – I don’t try to avoid it. Instead, I just feel the feeling, and allow it to flow up and out of me, onto the floor or wherever. I stop fighting it, and I get on my knees, if I have to.

    The emotion passes quicker, and I don’t feel “wrecked” afterward. I feel clear, my head is clear, my emotions are calm. I can move on, and I am not carrying a burden of feeling that I am trying to hide or hide from.

    I even communicated about my financial difficulties to a few people today. I let my boss know at work that I’d like to increase my hours. I told the chiropractors that I work with that I am having some financial trouble, and that I might not be able to pay for the space anymore. Or that I am open to hearing ideas, if they have any (they’ve been super supportive so far, and they like helping me, since they are also business-owners).

    And I sent both my parents an email like I have never sent them before. This has been on my mind to send for a while now. And now that things have come to a head, I figured, I might as well let them know what the picture really looks like.

    First, I had to let them know that my phone is out (not like they were going to call me anyway, since they never do.) But I also gave them the straight numbers. I told them exactly how much my two bank accounts are overdrawn by (a lot). I told them how my utilities are about to be cut off. And of course there is rent next month, which is only about a week away. (not to mention taxes.)

    And the straight-up truth about all of that is that I and my cute cat could be homeless is about a month, and I could very well be turning tricks on the street, instead of doing something useful with my life. Of course, I would rather be prostituting myself – I would rather do *anything* – except go home to live with my mom.

    But here’s the really sh*tty thing. Whenever I ask my mom for money, she never has enough to give me what I really need. And she’s so apologetic. And yet, if I said I wanted to come home and live with her, she’d suddenly have all the money in the world (or at least a decent amount) to give me to get me there.

    She offered me several hundred dollars to fly me home over the summer. But when I said I could really use that money more effectively to help me pay my bills, she fought with me about it, as if it wasn’t worth it. Then she made me jump through hoops like a circus dog to get less than I really needed, and less than she would have paid to fly me home. It was demeaning, demoralizing and filled me with shame.

    This is how my mother is – she NEEDS people to need her. She needs me to be sick and depressed, and never doing well enough financially, so that she can “help out.” But she’ll never “have enough” to give me so that my needs will actually be met. And my guess is, she will or would try to do this until I cave in and I DO come running back to her. And then she can play the benevolent, loving parent who accepts her “wayward” child back into her arms (Freudian slip: I just accidentally typed “harms”) and comfort me and make me feel better. But she won’t make me feel better. She will keep making me feel sicker and sicker and sicker until I feel that I can’t really do anything.

    This is what happened to my sister. My mother was convinced that my sister had “unfixable problems.” She had her on “disability” (there was nothing wrong with my sister) and living at home at age 25. My sister killed herself while living under her roof. I was 27 at the time – this was just after the breakup with my fiance.

    I am no stranger to the evil manipulation of my mother’s ways. And I may be the only person who sees it like this. She keeps her nose clean, and she can always claim to be “right” because she is “the mother” so she “knows best.” And she, at least, has a modicum of control over her finances. And as much as she criticizes my father for his lack of adroitness with finance, she never really tried to help him. I can see that she secretly loves being in control of the purse strings – even AFTER their divorce. It is sickening to me. It makes me want to puke.

    And it is sickening to think that I am still, in some ways, subject to her codependent behavior and subtle manipulation. Even when I can see it while it’s happening. Even when I can feel her pulling “power plays” with money – and when I call her on it, then she gets all “righteous” on me, and acts offended, as if she was just trying to be “nice” and “generous.” Nice and generous my A$$. She won’t help me to be INDEPENDENT. But she WILL help me to be co-dependent on her. Isn’t that great?

    GAh. I play into it, only because my subconscious programming has me running HER f8ed up program.

    Well, I’ll get over this. I know she has no real power over me. She doesn’t control me, just because she is my mom (even if she thinks she does). It felt scary to tell my parents the brazen truth. Seriously, turning tricks is looking like a better and better option for me every day, because I am really running out of options…I’ve been afraid of “offending” my parents if I told them something like that. But they need to know the out-and-out truth. They can’t just sit there and lie to themselves like it’s all going to be okay.

    I need help, and I need it NOW. Either from them, or from SOMEWHERE. Not because I’m codependent. I just NEED IT.


  316.  #317Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    Starla 313 – lol! I am glad to hear you did not have a heart attack. whew!

    It feels good to hear that I handled things with dignity and class. That may be new for me, too! lol

    But even if it’s “over,” it still feels like a possibility for something new. And that feels good, too.

    I haven’t responded to him yet. I thought I would give it a few days, and then send a friendly response. No need to be cold to the guy. He is being pretty nice, after all…

  317.  #318Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    Hm…had a comment go into moderation. Maybe because I used the word Pr8stitute? :/

  318.  #319Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    yeah, that must have been it.

    And I must have been feeling bold today!

    I also sent something to Jc today (my Canadian pen-pal from so long ago….). I knew I probably should have stopped talking to him when he started telling me about his fights with other women, and how he sees them all as “lunatics.” But anyway, I had just had this thing running through my mind. Not exactly a feeling statement, but it was bothering me. So I said it. Ha! And he wrote back to me.

    And even though he hurt me before, I don’t think he can hurt me again. He might try. But now, since I’ve been honest, I feel a little bit more immune to the poison.

    Plus, it is always in my power to just not write back…

  319.  #320GingerSky on March 24, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Brenda, this sounds like an awesomely high caliber of interesting man snack man! Smiley indeed imo! I liked how he used the fm too, & said he thinks cuddling would feel good. I like!!

  320.  #321GingerSky on March 24, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    Sirens, I love you all, omg, SO much. That last thread & this one are laden with glowing gold! (I actually really enjoyed the whole eybrow thread, lol, even though mine are so light they`re clear. I look like Conan O`Brien`s sister, or so I`ve heard, lol!) I have SO mucch I wanna comment on, but am back home without internet. Hey, everybody send me $1 so we can buy a new modem & get new internet service out here! That would feel really good! Ha haaa! I dug in big garden today, with others, adult & child. More later! My garlics are coming up *fast* now here at the house. Hung out w awesome woman visitor to our community, she was a great Siren! More later on that too. Sorry for block of text, can`t make paragraphs on phone. Am planning to temporarily change my avatar for a short time here soon if possible. I want to feel the good smiley feeling of having my real face say hello to Siren Island… like Daria, Brenda, Dominique & Rori. Just for a bit. Goodnight all. Blessings & prayers for all your situations to be glorious and beautiful in their realness.

  321.  #322Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    I know I tend to focus on my financial difficulties when I’m having them (and that seems more often than not. Especially since, when I am doing well, or at least well enough, I tend not to prepare a cushion for when that all falls through…)

    Anyway, I know I want a quick “fix.” I want it all to go away. And I probably don’t want to really do the work. *sigh*

    But that’s not the point. The point is, even though I keep feeling that as, “the issue,” I know it’s NOT the issue. Because somehow, my attention is always being brought back toward LOVE.

    It is not really money that I am lacking. It is LOVE.

    And maybe it is not love that I need to ‘get.’ Maybe it is just love that I need to FEEL.

    I am concentrating on feeling the Love that is already there. I am already loved. I am already accepted. I am already cherished. I am already wanted. I am already desired. I am love, because I am HERE.

    Rain is so great. I love rain. Rain is Love…

  322.  #323GingerSky on March 24, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    #296 Ella, to me your script sounds fantastic & well done imo! #299 Daria Whoa! I *knew* this was going to happen. Like, it had to be just a matter of time before the seeds you planted by standing gently , outspokenly & honestly in your Truths as an imperfect but amazing & courageous, heart-centered, edgy, tough-cool, vulnerable, deeply intuitive & healing-focused, feeling message-er & right-on woman *had* to take root? This is my characterization of it & of you, fwiw. What do you think? I feel *very* good reading this. I feel so happy & warm in my arms & shoulders & heart area over this.

  323.  #324Starla on March 24, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    his response was very positive, it’s just the tip of the iceberg for this dialogue…i’m gonna have to keep responding with feelings and don’t wants…

    i am okay otherwise:)

  324.  #325GingerSky on March 24, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    #296 Ella, to me your script sounds fantastic & well done imo! #299 Daria Whoa! I *knew* this was going to happen. Like, it had to be just a matter of time before the seeds you planted by standing gently , outspokenly & honestly in your Truths as your amazing & courageous, heart-centered, edgy, tough-cool, vulnerable, deeply intuitive & healing-focused, feeling message-er & right-on woman self *had* to take root? This is my characterization of it & of you, fwiw. What do you think? I feel *very* good reading this. I feel so happy & warm in my arms & shoulders & heart area over this. I feel like I want to hold space in a non-intrusive way energetically for your family to feel their own truths, share their stories & hear them w non-judgment, feel their feelings, & connect w each other in v healing ways. Is it okay with you if I meditate on that to send good energies your & their way? My family got started on healing bc some of us stood in that kind of space too. I feel so happy for you /deep smile/

  325.  #326GingerSky on March 24, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    #296 Ella, to me your script sounds fantastic & well done imo! #299 Daria Whoa! I *knew* this was going to happen. Like, it had to be just a matter of time before the seeds you planted by standing gently , outspokenly & honestly in your Truths as your amazing & courageous, heart-centered, edgy, tough-cool, vulnerable, deeply intuitive & healing-focused, feeling message-er & right-on woman self *had* to take root? This is my characterization of it & of you, fwiw. What do you think? I feel *very* good reading this. I feel so happy & warm in my arms & shoulders & heart area /deep smile/

  326.  #327GingerSky on March 24, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    Wow, not sure how my different stages of that last comment posted 3 times. Weird. Apologies!

  327.  #328Daria on March 24, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    Ginger SKy – sure it would feel great to have your support with the meditation.

    What went down
    . I said i felt bad when my mom made a put down joke about dad. this was different and huge and it just came out naturally and non blamingly

    mom then said truth that she felt bad dad didnt notice she colored her hair (its pretty, but subtle)

    they started talking – we’re all in the same room at Tahoe – and arguing

    i felt bad, theres no where for me to go, not even another room,

    and i sadi ok well i dont want to hear this (huge). shes like well were all in the same room. im like ok well were gonna find another solution theng because I feels bad. REALLY BAD.

    i felt so angry. i was ready to walk out the room and freakin bum my way back to the bay area.

    i just couldnt tolerate being in that environemtn

    they both went quiet for a very long time.

    my mom went to bed and didnt want to go out to dinner we’re goin to with freinds

    i apologized i said – Im sorry if i said something and you felt bad (big)

    she said its not your fault at all.

    i said thank you

    she was mad at my dad, more snarkyk stuff

    i said i felt hungry and id feel sad to go without her (big)

    my dad was tryina get her to go and she said she feels bad, actually seh feels like crying (huge) and doesnt want to go

    it wasnt just i feel bad – it was i feel like CRYING

    then me and my dad left, but by the time we got to the car my dad said its not good to go without ehr so we went back

    she wouldnt open the door for us and that felt scary.

    we got it open from the front

    then we werent going anymore,

    so we talked about gettin food, i said i dont want to go cuz i had felt scared when she didnt open the door

    and she said ok to stay . and so me and her stayed, but by now she had been cryng and i encouraged her to drink water

    then we called dad back to actually order in, cuz he had gone out to where she had said to check for picking up

    he came back with gifts for both, pepsi for me and cigarrettes for her what she had wanted…

    and we ordered in and now we were all feelin happy and excited

    and we had food and it felt lovely and fun and we felt so good and bonded

    and im feeling wowed

    and pleased 🙂

  328.  #329Daria on March 24, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    Gingersky – thank you for sharing your yummy vision of me 🙂 hehe

    heere i am 🙂


  329.  #330Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 12:10 am

    I keep thinking of an article I read once, on a spiritual website. It was about “losing to win,” and quoted Bobby Fischer as having said something like that about playing chess – that sometimes he would lose a round, or a game, or a piece during the chess game. But that one loss was not so great, because ultimately, he would win. By that loss, he could learn something about his opponent, and improve his strategy. Or even “psych” them out a bit. lol

    It’s like the old saying, “losing the battle, but winning the war.”

    I am thinking of this in terms of letting the whole thing with OM go. If it was a “battle,” then I can lose that one. But it’s not so important. It wasn’t the one that “counts.” If I lose it (with him) I could maybe eventually “win it” with him. Or with someone else. Either way, it doesn’t matter, because I “win.”

    “Winning,” Ideally, here, would mean that both partners win. So I am not looking to only get something for me. But I want to know also what I bring to the table – what I have to offer a relationship.

    And that means truly knowing my strengths (and weaknesses), and also valuing what I am bringing in. And that’s probably more than I am willing to admit most of the time. Sometimes I feel I am not only not bringing anything of value, but that I am a “burden” and a “drain.” These are not good feelings. But, given that, it probably also means that they are not true…

    And on that note, I am going to put my sleepy head to bed. Good night, ladies!!

  330.  #331Ella on March 25, 2012 at 1:59 am

    Ladies I have just woken up and I am feeling very raw right now.

    I feel a little achy/empty in my chest and a bit sicky.

    But I think I will be ok.

    I am not going to do a daamn thing to fix this mess. I am just going to sit here and do nothing and get on with my day.

    In a minute I am going to fix myself some breakfast, although I feel unsure what to have.

    I don’t really feel like eating but I think it will help me feel better.

  331.  #332Frances on March 25, 2012 at 2:42 am

    I feel bad because I smoke cigarettes – it’s so hard to quit! Has any siren quit cigarettes successfully (especially if you thought you never could). How?

    Other things…

    I feel ok about being single, finally!

  332.  #333Daria on March 25, 2012 at 3:12 am

    Frances – Starla quit 16 weeks ago

  333.  #334Ella on March 25, 2012 at 3:38 am

    Well I got a text from MWC saying I didn’t have to say anything last night, he could see I was disappointed in him and he is disappointed in himself.

    He said he is sorry.

    I appreciate him saying that and it all still feels bad.

    I know this is typical behaviour with alcohol abuse issues and I remember Starla talking about how her ‘Myguy’ and she used to go through similar cycles.

    I have been reading my CRAFT book and I have started to look into possible treatment options to suggest should he decide he wants to do that.

    However I know that the most important is still taking care of me.

    I NEED to CD at the moment to keep myself sane.

    I also want/need to detach and pull back significantly.

    I plan to take my distance, but when I do talk with him I will still give him my version of the no g,friend speech.

    I will employ the Rori Raye third way to take care of me.

    That is what I am going to do.

    Right now feeling a little de-motivated to get up and do what I need to do today.

    However feeling a little less icky than before.

  334.  #335Femininewoman on March 25, 2012 at 3:42 am

    Ella I hope you do pull back.

  335.  #336Ella on March 25, 2012 at 3:43 am

    “Mwc. It feels great spending time with you and right now I don’t feel like we are on the same page. I feel unsure that we want the same things.

    It doesn’t feel good to be exclusive with you whilst I am feeling so unsure and confused about stuff and there are questions over drinking issues.

    I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I want to be married.

    I feel great when I am with you and I don’t want to put pressure on this relationship.

    So until someone shows up who wants exactly what I want, and is able to offer me a situation that does not feel confusing or have questions over drinking issues, it feels better to keep my options open”

  336.  #337Ella on March 25, 2012 at 3:44 am

    Feminine Woman.

    So do I.

    I want to.

    I hope I can be strong enough.

  337.  #338Frances on March 25, 2012 at 3:46 am


    Thanks! Maybe I should ask her for some tips….

  338.  #339Frances on March 25, 2012 at 3:49 am

    Oh yeah..

    I feel angry! As I realise if I knew Rori Raye’s stuff a long time ago, I could’ve saved myself a lot of wasted time, money and heartache.

    Oh, I just feel like crying sometimes….

  339.  #340sophie on March 25, 2012 at 4:02 am

    I have just had another arguement with my man of 9 months – I need siren advice cos right now I am not feeling sireny I am worried that it is all about me and I will experience this with whoever I date – he says I am too angry (I am angry) and that because I don’t sleep well it impacts on our relationship – He says I stress him out and I feel stressed out too and don’t feel safe and connected to him a lot of the time and am unhappy with the amount of time he spends away from me – that said he does spend a lot of time with me but there doesn’t seem to be a natural ebb and flow i see him more in the week than at weekends- i feel like he does what he wants to do and doesn’t communicate with me very well although i told him about this and then he was trying to communicate with me better – I am having to study which makes it difficult also cos I am stuck in the house trying to concerntrate whilst being in a lot of fear and pain – I am miserable I love him very very much but this aspect of it doesn’t work and we fight – would feel so great to have some support – i read you all the time 🙂

  340.  #341Femininewoman on March 25, 2012 at 4:04 am

    I am watching a documentary of OJ Simpson and am wondering if Rori ever discussed his relationship with Nicole Brown.

  341.  #342Ella on March 25, 2012 at 4:30 am

    I feel quite angry right now.

    Annoyed like ‘Grrrr, one losuy fecken text doesn’t make it all better doh!’

    But apart from that I feel ok.

    I feel reasonably strong at the moment, like just because he is having issues doesn’t mean I should not be happy.

    I still have the right to enjoy my life, despite what he is doing and how I feel about that.

    Just getting ready to go and do my Pole lessons this afternoon.

    The Sun is shining here which really helps and the clocks have gone forward so we will get an hour of extra sunlight this evening.

  342.  #343Memulo on March 25, 2012 at 6:15 am

    I feel unimportant and I almost feel used.

    SmartCD came over later last night because he couldn’t find his wallet.. and he didn’t before dinner. We had a nice dinner, then he stayed over and today he got up at 8am, got dressed and said he needs to go home to find his wallet. I said I feel bad he couldn’t find it and feel disappointed we didn’t have a chance to spend more time together, I’d love to go for a walk or do something together other than eating. He said he has to take his son to a bday party at noon, but if he finds his wallet at home he will come back and we will spend the morning together. He will call me.

    He called half an hour later that he found the wallet! He apologized that he was so focused earlier and had to leave so early. But had no plans to come back. He said he is going to take a shower and have coffee and I asked if he wanted to have coffee with me. He said ‘he will call me later when he finds out what’s happening there’. I said fine. That was it.

    Another thing is that I really made an effort cooking and we were talking about having more of my cake for bfast and him taking some food home and of course he didn’t take it when leaving in a rush. He kept on asking last night how many hours I spent cooking and why I am always so nice to him.. so guess he doesn’t feel the need to be nice to me ;(

  343.  #344Coco Kisses on March 25, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Re #305

    Ty for ur words of encouragement and e-hug…they both felt good. Itp is soooo true that a man can’t fall in love unless he is giving to a woman.

  344.  #345lilybelle on March 25, 2012 at 6:23 am


    I’m not quite clear in all of this, where he wasn’t nice to you.

    I know how it feels to lose something as important as your wallet/purse so if it had been me, I would have been frantic until I found it. Poor Guy, happy he found it. He must feel so relieved!

  345.  #346Memulo on March 25, 2012 at 6:25 am


    Yes and I felt happy for him and told him so. He promised to come back if he finds it and he did not.

  346.  #347Memulo on March 25, 2012 at 6:28 am

    He just called.. I couldn’t hear him well but it sounded that he is coming back 😉

  347.  #348lilybelle on March 25, 2012 at 6:28 am


    I feel happy to hear how well you took care of yourself last night.. I know how hard that must have been for you but you really did well!

  348.  #349Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Day 6 of the Challenge of my Life…

    I think this is gonna be the most challenging day so far. I woke up feeling a little anxious. There was no sex with ATW this time, not even a kiss, but I still feel a little bit the same way as last time after sex…

    Like I’m afraid that he’s not gonna call again. Why? Why do I have to feel like this? I don’t want to feel like this. I want to feel easy-breasy-he’s-gonna-call-me-cause-I’m-the-price… But I don’t… I just don’t…

    Feeling a little nostalgic, and wondering why he didn’t kiss me, and overanalyzing, thinking that I’m just a friend for him anymore and that since I’m just a friend, he’s gonna call me only in a few weeks and there’s gonna be no good night messages or anything…


  349.  #350Brenda on March 25, 2012 at 6:31 am


    RE: #318 – “Brenda, this sounds like an awesomely high caliber of interesting man snack man! Smiley indeed imo! I liked how he used the fm too, & said he thinks cuddling would feel good. I like!!”

    Thank you! Smilkey is the word, a blend of “smiley” and “silky”. Daria wrote it once accidentally, and I picked up on her and asked her about it. She hadn’t even noticed she did it. So voila! A new wonderful Siren word!

    Yes, I noticed his feeling message, too, and also liked it! It brightened my whole mood having that to look forward too. I haven’t enjoyed much touch at all in a long time.

  350.  #351Brenda on March 25, 2012 at 6:35 am


    RE: #308 – “306 Brenda how sweet that he asked for a cuddle! I love it, that means your vibe is high! You are on fire girl! 🙂
    One question, what is smilkey??”

    Thanks! I hadn’t thought of that! I don’t know if my vibe was high, because I felt really tense around him, being a previous cop. I wonder if it was more his libido is high! Yikes! I AM on fire, but I am usually pretty good at covering that up.

    As you will see, I just answered your question about “smilkey” in the post above to GingerSky.

  351.  #352lk on March 25, 2012 at 6:54 am

    (((ella))) really like your email : )

  352.  #353Brenda on March 25, 2012 at 7:35 am


    RE: #346 – I struggle with this anxiety too, bigtime. I still do a little, but I have come a long way toward healing it.

    I think the key is in working on my self-esteem so much that I actually believe the affirmations I tell myself! Not just a scared, “I am the prize”, but a KNOWING deep down inside that I AM the prize. I really AM!

    And this man is off his rocker if he passes me by! And if he passes me by, then he must not be the man I thought he was!

    For me, the long term fix was flooding myself with the beautiful affirmations all you ladies post, and things Rori says on programs like Modern Siren and Heart Connection Toolkit.

    And the short term fix was reprogramming my mind, gently replacing the thoughts of anxiety with stuff like this:

    He is crazy about me! He is so amazed by the goodness and beauty of my heart! He feels a feminine vibe on me that is different than any woman he has ever experienced. If he is my Soul Mate, there is nothing I can do to mess this up! It will just get better and better! I feel so excited to hear from him again!

    This psyching yourself out to believe the opposite of the Negative Voices in your head can help for the short term. For me, over time, it has become mostly automatic! I went from texting my anxious thoughts to Ryan three years ago almost every time we parted company to just letting him or any other man walk away at the end of a date and just think happy thoughts of him and our time together.

    The change in me feels miraculous! Because many times in the past 3 years as I meditate on Rori’s materials and on the amazing contributions on the blog from all the Sirens, I have felt helpless and hopeless. But I am really feeling my Sirenness in a genuine, deep way!

  353.  #354Sassy on March 25, 2012 at 7:47 am

    FC, hoping that all goes well with your visit with him! Let us know how you feel.
    As for me, alot happened last week with respect to my job, got cut back in my pay and position, was very very painful.
    The new baby siren had some issues but those are being worked out. She is beautiful! I try to see her as often as I can! My oldest daughter is now having trouble with her boyfriend and she is absolutely devastated! Aghhhh. Doesn’t matter how old they are, we still worry about them and cry with and for them.
    As for JT, it felt he was coming towards me over the past week, but, alas, he is pulling back. He really confuses me and pushes my buttons. I haven’t seen him in two months and I really try to let him go. He also has an extremely addictive personality and many dangerous addictions.
    So that’s my story. I read the blog every day and cull out what I need to move forward. I admire every one of you and love your stories and am pulling for each of you to find every happiness you are entitled to!
    Much love

  354.  #355Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Starla #323 – nice that he responded positively! Now you get to practice even more. 🙂

  355.  #356Starbright on March 25, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Just wanted to share about my first date with a new cd last night.

    First of all I gotta say that putting up a new photo two weeks ago really helped! And then the fact that I immediately got sick right after and then received many emails kept me even more leaning back. So, this is a good experience to remember. It was so easy to lean back because there were several men vying for my attention and I wasn’t feeling well.

    So, last night it was so funny because I was feeling like I had not been using the “feeling” word much…and then D asked me if I was having a good time with him and I shared one about how I was feeling good with him.

    And he smiled and kind of chuckled. And he said, you share how you feel a lot. And, to me that means that you are an affectionate girl. It tells me about who you are. I like it. And he smiled again.

    I was so surprised he had noticed because again I was thinkIng I had not used fm’s enough. And then to have him comment. And to say he liked it! 🙂

  356.  #357Emoticon on March 25, 2012 at 8:13 am

    I felt this article i read today was soooo interesting, and that it confirms or explains what Rori tells us about focusing on ourselves, and not on our man and how that works better.

    Mind Power News


    Wherever You Are is the Center of the Universe

    By Enock Tan / Creator of

    The entire universe is a projection of consciousness. We experience the universe as a projection through us because each of us is a center of consciousness. Therefore we are all centers of the universe.

    There really is no here or there because everything is at one point where consciousness is. We all do not exist in different places but are all present at one point. The reality of here and there is all created and experienced within the singularity of consciousness itself. Where you are is the center of the universe.

    Consciousness is the dimensionless program that simulates dimensions. It is the omnipresent dot that creates the illusion of everywhere when there is nowhere but here and now. There is only one true place consciousness exists in and that is here. There is only one true time where consciousness exists in and that is now. Everything else that is experienced as there and then is only a simulation that is experienced from here and now. When you think of a time and place, you instantly travel there mentally.

    In fact you do not really travel at all. The world around you shifts as your external environment and the things in it changes into the new one that you think of. It is because it is all a simulation. You never really move at all but it is everything else that moves. The center of anything never moves and therefore the whole world revolves around you. The physical world itself is also a simulation of consciousness. It is a simulation that you are walking and traveling from one place to another or moving along through time.

    When you take a plane to another country which you last visited ten years ago, your change in experience is really a change in the simulation of reality. The simulated image of the city has changed as some buildings have been removed and new ones have appeared. The simulated images of the people you met before has also changed as the consciousness program reflects the effects of how people are effected by time. A few white hairs, wrinkled skin, height increase or sexual endowment has appeared.

    We think that no one is the center of the universe because everyone cannot be the center at the same time. That is because we perceive consciousness to be separate from itself. Actually consciousness is projected from where you are. It only exist at one place and one time and that is where you are. If you are a tall, handsome man looking at a beautiful women in red, you are consciousness projecting the woman in red. If you are the woman in red, then you are consciousness projecting the tall man.

    You are consciousness itself and whichever point of view you are experiencing at any giving point of time and place, everything else around you is a projection from you. You are more than just the particular person that you are. You are the entire universe itself. The reason why you perceive reality from a particular point of time and space, and as a particular person is because you are consciousness individuated into a single point of view for the purpose of experiencing everything else from that point of view.

    Think of a computer program that runs a simulated game world where all characters are interacting with each other. It is all really just one program cycling between each character so fast that it seems as if all characters are being run simultaneously when they are actually being run one at a time. It is the activity of consciousness playing every single role in the universe that makes it seem as though there’re separate programs running when it’s really one program running everything in turns at infinite speed.

    The reason why consciousness runs at infinite speed is because it is not confined to the boundaries of time at all. Time is only a simulated concept that is created by consciousness to be experienced by consciousness. Imagine playing a particular character and filming yourself, and then reversing the film and playing a different character. Superimpose the film of the first character with the second and you’ll get the effect of two characters in one film. That is how two of you exist at the same time.

    But consciousness doesn’t really have to take turns experiencing itself from several points of view. It splits itself into many individuated versions of itself so as to experience all those points of view simultaneously. All those individuated versions are simply different parts of that one consciousness. When you shift your perspective from one point of view to another, you are shifting the center of the universe from one point to another. The center is everywhere yet nowhere according to how you see it.

    So to experience your reality as the creator of it, realize that where you are is the center of all that is occurring. This is what it means to be centered. When you think someone, something or somewhere else is the center of what’s going on, you are giving your power away to the external world. Move through your world with the consciousness that you are the center of the universe and you will find that you don’t really have to shift much as things and people around you shift themselves instead.

    You will become a lot more at peace, stable, cool and poised as your perception of being the center aligns your experience of reality with the state of being godlike. Less and less do things move you without your permission and more and more are you able to cause things around you to move instead. People will feel your strength, stability and solidness as you carry and project yourself as the center. You will become more and more of a master of reality as you control how time and space move around you.

  357.  #358Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Frances #331 – I feel a little guilty because I just *started* smoking cigarettes again, a little bit. Ha!

    I’ve never been a big smoker. I can’t handle more than 2 or 3 a day. And I only tend to smoke in times of stress – with the occasional social cigarette at a party. But I’ve always been able to “quit” when I felt the need to stop smoking and when it doesn’t fit into my life.

    Deepak chopra has a thing about addictions and replacing the addiction with a pleasant sensation. So, for example, if you want to smoke a cigarette, go for a little walk, and notice nature/people instead. Or give yourself a little massage. Or drink some juice. My uncle used to chew on straws so he could give his mouth something to do….

    DC also says not to cut yourself off from cigarettes completely at first. Instead, he says to only smoke a cigarette when you are not doing anything else – like not driving, or drinking, or talking on the phone. And then when you are smoking, really notice how it makes you feel. How do your lungs feel? What does it smell like? How does your body feel?

    See if your body likes it or if it doesn’t.

    “Quitting” smoking is hard a) if you think it’s hard, and b) if you get enjoyment from smoking. It’s easier to stop when you make the active choice to do it for your own reasons – i.e. you just don’t like doing it anymore, AND you feel committed to the new sensations you are adding to your life, and the freedom you have by not smoking. You could join a gym, too, if you don’t have one already, and take up your time with that instead, for example:)

    I also think the word “quit” puts a lot of pressure on people, and it has a lot of negative connotations. “Stopping” is a lot gentler and implies more choice.

  358.  #359Healing Waterfall on March 25, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Good Morning Siren Island

    Hi Memulo,
    I am glad to hear that your man IS coming back….I would have been super distracted if i lost my wallet….

    This morning I felt awful, I felt so alone and felt so much discomfort with the uncertainty of life.
    And then I picked up a book called Taking The Leap by Pema Chodron and she talked about staying present and how hard it is to stay present. She wrote about how a close friend of hers became so angry with her that she would not talk to her and the raw pain that caused and one night she could not sleep and she sat with it all night. She just meditated and breathed through it. And in the morning she understood that everything she had done up to that point was to NOT feel this discomfort.
    I am there now, feeling this discomfort and it is so strangely comforting to know that this amazing woman has this same feeling and that all humans do.
    Wow, I feel so blessed that a friend lent me this book.
    And I am TOTALLY amazed by your transformations, Brenda and Daria.
    Big Hugs,
    And Lizka,
    today I am going to really lean back and feel the discomfort when i do…..that’s it.
    so i am your leaning back sister right now…..when you are leaning back, I am too.

  359.  #360Starbright on March 25, 2012 at 8:27 am


    My thought about him asking you how much time you spent cooking and telling you, you are so nice to him sounds like he may be feeling you are over functioning a bit. Rori talks about just fixing very simple food or left overs or take out…

    Maybe he wants to give more and you could be more in a receptive mode?



  360.  #361Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Emoticon – 355

    Hm…that was an interesting article.

    The fact that we are all centers of the Universe sounds right. To call anyone and anything else a “simulation” or a “projection” doesn’t sound quite right. Because that “projection” is also a “center” of the universe and has autonomy and choice and perception, etc.

    But it is also true, in a quantum mechanical sense, that EVERYWHERE is the center of the universe. Not just the minds and bodies of humans. But literally every point in the Universe is the center of the Universe, relative to that point. How is this possible? Well, where is the edge of the Universe? Is there one? If there was, the edge would also be the center. And scientists/mathematicians have observe this phenomenon of the center being everywhere by the fact that, as the Universe expands, it moves outward literally from every point.

    So, as people – as points in the Universe – we are all “centers” of the Universe.

    And whether or not you can wrap your head around it is pretty irrelevant. What you already know is true, you can feel in your body, and your experience, which is that you are at the center of YOUR Universe.

    whew, thanks for waking us up with some deep thought! lol

  361.  #362Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Memulo – I agree with Starbright. Why were you cooking for him? Because he forgot his wallet? Why didn’t he cook for you? I’m curious…

    You probably can feel that you are overfunctioning. If you are going to cook, you should do the absolute minimum. Don’t “train” him to expect you to overfunction, or else you’ll get stuck with that job, and he’ll just sit back and “receive.” But he won’t feel invested. And he might not “receive” for long….

    No need to beat yourself up about it, though. Just don’t offer to cook for him again!

    If he asks, just say, “I feel so tired cooking for you. I love going out to eat with you, or it would feel good to have you cook for me some time. What do you think?” Then let him choose. 🙂

  362.  #363Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Healing Waterfall Sister Lean back 🙂

    That’s cute! Makes me want to lean back even more to help you lean back too.

    I have a plan, not the funniest one but I have a plan for the day and my only goal is to focus on it and do EVERYTHING that is on my list.

    Right now I am watching a TV show that I like but as soon as it ends, I’m going to get dressed and run 12K. this is gonna be my longest run so far this season. Than I wanna finnish my laundry and declutter the whole appartement, vacuum and clean the floor. I might reward myself by going to buy my favourite cake for dessert tonight and I will cook a chili for dinner and for lunch tomorrow. And some reading tonight.

    I want to keep my focus on this and be productive today. Everytime I am going to think of ATW, I will focus on the next thing that is on my list and how I am going to do it. Should work.

    Perhaps HW you could make your own list and we could cheer each other not to lean forward and to keep focusing on what we have to do?

  363.  #364GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Tiffany, I think about stuff like this too, and it felt broadening to read your words. I feel intrigued, and also feel kinship with our deep thoughts and simultaneous talks on eyebrows & how we encompass every level here! I like that & it feels *really* good to me!

  364.  #365LoveAlways on March 25, 2012 at 8:51 am

    I am spending the weekend with cd assertive and I don’t feel safe. I learned a lot about me, post Rori, the key point being that I am in touch with my feelings and that the solution is to be true to my feelings in facing them. I saw sides of cd assertive that I don’t like and make us incompatible. I told him so. I left (go boy energy) but did come back. The ability to step away was so new to me. I am proud of me for knowing what to do.

  365.  #366LoveAlways on March 25, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I feel smothered when I spend too much time with a man. I wonder if I can ever be close and married to a man . . .

  366.  #367Starbright on March 25, 2012 at 8:55 am

    Just curious…wondering about any siren’s thoughts on my cd D commenting on my use of fm’s in post 353. 🙂

  367.  #368GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Oh some of that deep thought was via/from you, Emoticon 🙂 I want to trace that thread back & see what you posted. I feel so very good around how Sirens here are scientific, sociable, grumpy, miffed, scared, joyful, silly, deep, superficial, goofy, majestic, and all. I never before found my tribe of women like this. I was an outlier & outsider all my life & times bc I`d paint my nails & talk physics philosophy & eternal truths and then get upset over a boy relationship & deal w deep traumas while hooting out the sunroof & saving animals & reading very deep books… and I love that this tribe seems to hit on all cylinders in our talking here 🙂 I`ve let go of outsider energy. A woman is a marvelous and many-splendored thing! Here`s to all Sirens!

  368.  #369Emoticon on March 25, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Tiffany 🙂 u are so right…. i just love reading about these things.

  369.  #370GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Starbright, I`ll go look at #353 & comment on it. Glad you asked again for what you want/need.

  370.  #371Emoticon on March 25, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Gingersky …. there really are a lot of great interesting people on the blog. I love how we’re similar and so different from each other at the same time. I love reading the comment, not just 4 the stories and feelings and opinions, but to sense people’s vibes and I love them all, for different reasons, but i really do love the vibe everyone brings here.

    Thats what this blog has done 4 me, i have learned to love and appreciate people for being themselves!

  371.  #372LoveAlways on March 25, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Oh, good morning sirens. I’m using my phone so I can really see everyone’s posts

  372.  #373Emoticon on March 25, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Starbright i hope you’re feeling way better.

  373.  #374Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Ahhh Im so bad at sticking to my day plan. My tv show been over for 10 minutes and Im still on the couch not moving… grrrrrrrr

  374.  #375LoveAlways on March 25, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Men really do instant relationship like C. Carter described. It does not feel safe. I’m not ready

  375.  #376Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Goodmorning Sirens 🙂

    Starbright…It felt super duper cute to me and reaffirming about how men really do want a connection 🙂 yay!!! and he seems to be in touch with his feelings…go siren star bright!!! 🙂 he can sense it!!

  376.  #377LoveAlways on March 25, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Last night cd assertive said lets just be friends and I jumped on it. I don’t feel that good with him dating like this. I feel a need to reclaim my space and boundaries. This morning he says he wants me to be his wife, not his friend. This does not feel safe to me

  377.  #378Dominique on March 25, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Emerson – Crossing all my fingers and toes for you in your new endeavor.


  378.  #379Starbright on March 25, 2012 at 9:19 am


    Thanks for your warm wishes! Yes, I am feeling so much better! It scared me a bit…gall bladder and liver issues. But, eating very cleanly with fresh veggies, fruits and healthy protein and healthy fats. It has made such a difference!

  379.  #380GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

    #353 Oh, this sounds *awesome*, Starbright! It makes me think of how when we`re a good listener, the other person will often comment on what a good conversationalist we are… like you were/are just in the present moment not forcing, analyzing or strategizing, & it felt good for him. This is deep & multilayered imo, & yet it is simply one moment of wholeness & connection. Imo you did well, and a little leaaning back & fm-ing goes a long way — – and I am grateful for that. Your sharing this helps me see that & that gives me a sense of confidence for my situation bc I screw up a lot since NSM & I work together on a life project, and its necessary for & he expects me to go into boy energy sometimes yet energy & yet stay leaned back. Well done, brava!

  380.  #381Dominique on March 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Gingersky – I feel so happy seeing you again. I would love to see a photo of you. BTW awhile back I was wanting to get in touch with you via e-mail. Please let me now when you’re back online. I have some herbal confabbing I wanted to do with you.


  381.  #382LoveAlways on March 25, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Pre-siren, I would be an emotional mess right now. But I’m steady and in touch with my feelings by the moment. This feels really good to me

  382.  #383blue rose on March 25, 2012 at 9:21 am

    #270: Ella

    🙁 that was so sad and uncomfortable to read, and i felt a little upset.

    it sounds like you are doing better, and I’m glad.

    i’ve been thinking a lot about alcoholics. teh only person i know who is in a succesful marriage with an alcoholic is a girl who didn’t start dating teh alcoholic until he was sober. i don’t think she knew him when he was abusing/addicted. she met him after he was clean.

    it changes the personality, alcohol does. the man you know know is probably not what he will be like when he is sober.

    not trying to be depressing, or tell you it won’t work. but you might have a totally different man on your hands when he is sober (if he chooses to get into recovery).

    see other people. CD. it might inspire him to get his act together so that he will deserve to have you.

  383.  #384Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 9:26 am

    LoveAlways…I have had those same thoughts before of feeling smothered and wondering if I could really ever be in a marriage…

  384.  #385Starbright on March 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Aw, Jilly… Thanks so much for your wonderful feeling feedback! He wanted to touch me and it was nice…a little hand holding. And, even a bit if a slow dance in the hallway of the hotel we were strolling in and had dinner at. And, he even reached forward and put his hand in my hair. I was consciously being open.

    I know a guy in my past said I was a bit reserved until we got to know each other better. So, that plus Rori were in my mInd to be warm and inviting in a simple and easy ways. It felt nice – and also stretching a bit… 🙂

  385.  #386Emoticon on March 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

    StarBright, thats good to hear, keep it up!

    YES guys do this a lot. It feels flattering to me though, I dont get bad feelings from it, like I used to. However, I tell them that it feels good to know that they want to be with me but I wanna hold off while we get to know each other better, and I want to keep my options open etc.

  386.  #387LoveAlways on March 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

    I feel bad judging cd assertive as toxic because he described his actions as immature. But that doesn’t make them okay. He is showing a pattern with this and I don’t want to tell him he needs to heal because he does what he wants. Oh, a woman he was involved with called and he took the call. He was evasive but seemed to take the call for my benefit. This is another type of pattern I see. So he wants to discuss is and I see these ugly parts of him he needs to deal with. These things are not my problems, but I need to keep my boundaries without judging him or making him wrong

  387.  #388Coco Kisses on March 25, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Well Sirens…… >>>>> UPDATE

    I got a surprise drive by from my husband this morning. I heard the dogs barking like crazy and I went to the window to see who was there, and low and behold his car was in the drive way, and he was at the door. SO I let him in. I felt happy and a little nervous to see him, since I was missing him really badly last night.

    We sat down across from each other ( my sofa and love seat face each other), and he sarted the conversation, whith the whole how are you, how;s work, etcetera, etcetera….I leaned back, took a deep breath, opened my heart, and told him that work felt great…I was using LOTS of feeling messages. He told me how he was doing, then the conversaion turned serious.

    My husband told me that he REALLY missed ALL of us really badly, and I told him that felt REALLY good to hear. He then went on to state that he really feels we should go ahead and get a divorce, since there is no other solution (in his male mind) in sight. He said it’s not what he wants, but he feels it’s he best thing to do, since we don’t really speak to each other, I don’t call him, and we haven’t seen each other in 2 weeks ( he hasn’t aksed to see me in 2 weeks).

    He says that he hasn’t been thinking of our problems, just blocking them out, and he thinks instead of being in limbo, that we should just get on with our lives fully by getting a divorce, and that it can be an amicable one. He sayus since we don’t hate each other, we could even be friends (which I will NOT do, I still love him). He then went on to say ” this is the last time I will bother you wih my “cheapness”, I’m asking if you could help me pay for half of the divorce. I feel that would be fair.”

    I told him thatgetting a divorce feels bad, and makes me feel very sad and disappointed. I also told him I really don’t want divorce, and that I feel strongly about the fact that we didn’t ry everything possible to save our marriage, but that since it feels like he has made his decision, I don’t want to control him or tell him what to do, so if he truly wants a divorce I will sign the paper. I also told him that I do NOT feel comfortable paying for the divorce when I do not want the divorce. I was actually offended that he would ask me to pay since he wasn’t even helping me pay ANY bills in the house, and we wanted us to switch off paying for each others dinners everyime we went ou on couples dates. My husband can be VERY selfish person….this is another topic that I could spend a grea deal of time on, but I won’t.

    He said ok that he would look into things and keep me posted.
    I am paraphrasing our conversation cause so much was said, I don’t feel like typing it all.

    He ket bringing up the fact that I don’t call him, or anything as his reason for thinking our marriage is to the point where it is unsavable
    I asked him if it would fel ok if I said something ( before he left). I told him that I don’t want a phone conversation realtionship with a man, and that it would FEEL beautiful, and warm ot me, to be in a realtionship with a man that thinks enough of me to spend quality time with me.

    He was like you mean sex?

    I said NO, I mean quality time, doing things together, that would FEEL wonderful. I then told him that I felt open to what ever he is thinking of doing if he should reconsider the divorce.

    He was like well you say your open, but you odn’t ac open, cause you havne’t called me in 2 weeks, and you don’t make any suggestions. He said you don’t care.

    I said to him, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that you are the one who wanted space, and I don’t FEEL comfortable with calling you, it makes me feel better when you call me. FOr now, I’m just busy doing me,

    He was like “doing you?” with that irratiating smirk he sometimes gets on his face.

    I said yeah doing me, and creating happiness for myself.

    He said well I will just think abou everything, and keep you posted

    we said goodbye, and that was that.

    I’m not trying ot over anylize, but how do you guys think I did with my feeling messages. My hear t was open, my body language, and vibe was completley realaxed and peacful.

  388.  #389LoveAlways on March 25, 2012 at 9:31 am

    We are also seeming less and less sexually compatible. He is always pointing out what I don’t do. I reply it doesn’t feel good. I’m making too many exceptions here

  389.  #390Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Why do I feel like crying? I had a good date yesterday with ATW. Why do I feel so disconnected now? Why do I feel like he’s never gonna call me again? Does it means that I really don’t trust myself? 🙁

  390.  #391Coco Kisses on March 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

    @ Love Always

    RE #386

    I undersatnd how you feel. Just tell him that doesn’t mek you feel good, and wha does he think you guys can do about it….

  391.  #392Starbright on March 25, 2012 at 9:38 am


    Oh, thanks so much for your feedback! I feel so open and like a nice warm wave of kindness has lapped back over me. I feel seen! 🙂

    That sounds tough to feel that need to go back and forth into boy energy with your guy. Hmmm wondering if there are ways to shift into and out of those places…now is fun date time vs. discussing or being in work mode…?

    I know Fw comments on feeling messages also working well for her on the job…just also thinking that it could be really good to have some times in which work mode is not “allowed” in more of a teasing we are in fun date mode now. 🙂

  392.  #393Emoticon on March 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Coco Kisses I think you did great! You were open. You spoke your true feelings. You leaned back. I admire the way you handled the situation.

  393.  #394Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

    LoveAlways…this thing with cdassertive feels toxic to me :/

  394.  #395Coco Kisses on March 25, 2012 at 9:47 am

    I am going to lean back. I am not going to call him or suggest anything. I’m thinking that he may actually go ahead and fil for divorce, I’;m starting to think that maybe he just doesn’t have what it takes to do a realtionship with me, or maybe he just doesn’t with me. His main issue is our not having sex, and him not feeling sexually attracted to me/ spark..I know I’ve said this before. I’m going to keep practicing the tools. I STILL believe in LOVE, I WILL be in the marriage/relationship of my dreams by the end of 2012. I

    As far as losing wieght is concerned I went to my Dr. who is an M.D. and a Natural medicince practioner. SHe tested my thyroid, which is SUPER slow, she told me that I do have hypthyroidism and she put me on LEvothyroxine, herbs, and gluten free soy free diet. She has started me out with 25mcg for 2 weeks, athen 37.5 for 2 weeks, then she’s bumping me up to 50 and testing me to see how my thyroid responds. I really want to lose this 65 pounds, and ge hot and sexy for ME, cause if I feel hot, other’s will think I’m hot, even though I still feel beautiful for an extra thick girl.

  395.  #396GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 9:53 am

    #378 Hi, Dominique, inspiring Siren soul & my namesake in French… 🙂 Thank you for kind words /smile/ So nice to reconnect w you as well, hugs! Would love to confab & it feels good to imagine having a convo around herbs etc.. am hoping to plant some here soon. (We actually (finally!) have another woman living fulltime in our intentional community & she`s an organic, permaculture & herbal wisdom type too. I need her here to really do anything bc I`m a well-read layperson but she`s experienced, I`m so grateful.) I kind of get online every few days, tho sometimes it`s a short moment quickly engaged, & sometimes nice long hours. If you wanna email me, use Or I`ll let you know when I`m on here w time?

  396.  #397Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Lizka…I don’t think you feeling bad has anything to do with trusting yourself. You want more than he is giving you and that feels bad.

  397.  #398Starla on March 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

    i feel bad having a conversation where i have to say actually i need to see a man more than this.

    i feel like if i was good enough for this man, he would be all over me, trying to see me every single day, to the point i’d have to tell him to leave me alone:P

    i think this might be a girlish fantasy of mine and toxic behavior i’ve experienced in the past from some dudes.

    yet he is merrily and openly having a discussion with me

    it is so hard not to take it personally, especially when i have meticulously and carefully crafted a guardwall around my personal space and time.

    I am so grateful for jessie’s comment yesterday about feeling unworthy to ask for what i need, and him having all the power, because i am aware of this facet of the responses i draft.

    and i feel really grateful that because it’s an email, i could sleep on how i want to reply and what i want to say

    and in general i am handling this so much better than i ever have in my life. and i feel amazed and proud of myself. it feels incredible and grounded to be a woman who doesn’t freak out or shoot from the hip when triggered, and who doesn’t abandon herself either or prematurely attack the other party.

    i didn’t actually think i would ever be able to feel this way.

    all my fear of abandonment and rejection is still there, but it’s not running the show…

    ladies this is huge! i know it probably sounds silly but it’s really huge for me! like as huge as getting a grad school acceptance letter (still waiting). i think i should celebrate by taking myself out to breakfast or buying myself a nice book or something!!

  398.  #399Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Starbright/Gingersky…I stay in feminine mode almost all the time…that’s where I feel best and I feel most intuitive. And there is such a huge range of feminine…from Queen to Goddess. A queen is very feminine yet she can rule a kingdom…with her softness and wisdom…just my two cents 😉

  399.  #400GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Anyone here is welcome to email me anytime… I may not get back to you quickly, but I`ll get to it soon as can. If anyone e`d me from the past & I missed it, please snag my attn & I`ll reconnect w you. My email is open to all. I may also share our community`s website & entry on the intentional communities referral site if my group agrees it`s okay to. We went public in Nov.

  400.  #401Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Jillyy – What I meant is perhaps I don’t think I am good enough for him to want to call me again and see me more often.

    How I miss the time where he wanted to see me all the time and spend all his weekends with me and even a few nights during the week…

    What can I do to have this back? I went cold turkey of no leaning forward at all and no sex either. It’s been 6 days. I know it’s not a lot 6 days. And I am ready to do it way longer. But right now I don’t feel that it’s gonna work.

    What more can I do?

  401.  #402Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Starla…yay!!!! I am celebrating with you over here 🙂 nice work!!! it does feel good/amazing to not be dramatic and shoot from the hip when things trigger us…way to go! 🙂

    I actually remember you posting something awhile back that has stuck with me…

    how to notice the feeling of urgency…and that has really helped me NOT take any action. 🙂

  402.  #403GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Righ on, Jilly, right on.

  403.  #404Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 10:14 am

    I’m gonna go run my 12K… Endorphins might help to make the desire to cry and the feeling bad and hopeless to go away…

  404.  #405Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

    (((LIzka))) there is nothing more to do. You are doing everything “right”. And I don’t believe you don’t think you are good enough. Deep down you know you are a rockstar and I’m not just saying that.

    But the great news is…you are healing!!!! You are transforming and making room for a great man who is going to sweep you off your feet. And you are learning new ways of being that, even though you are already beautiful, are making you even more beautiful, desirable and magnetic to men 🙂 You got this Lizka!

  405.  #406Starla on March 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Thanks, Jilly:)

  406.  #407Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Thank you Jilly…

  407.  #408Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

    I know we are not supposed to compare ourselves to others, but sometimes I don’t understand…

    Sometimes it makes me feel envious, sometimes it makes me feel inspired.

    Siren Angel got M back when she leaned back.

    Butterfly Wings made her man commit deeply by holding her boundary

    Lilibee made D go crazy for her by leaning back and Cdating.

    I do all that. I CDate, I lean back, I (now) stick to my boundaries…

    Why don’t I get any results? I must do something wrong…

  408.  #409Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Coco Kisses…wow…I feel in awe with how you responded to your husband 🙂 totally authentic and open and on YOUR team…that feels amazing to read 🙂

  409.  #410Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

    but it didn’t happen in 6 days 🙂

  410.  #411Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

    I know… but still I feel so hopeless.

    Like I’m holding a boundary of something he doesn’t care about. He didn’t even kiss me yesterday. So me saying “no sex” must not really bother him… He can have sex and kiss with many other girls… I don’t think it’s a problem for him…

  411.  #412Starla on March 25, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Lizka, you’re on NV overdrive.

    My dates don’t kiss me when they don’t want to be too forward. I think ATW was showing you respect. He didn’t hang out with you to torture you and not kiss you, beautiful Lizka — He hung out with you yesterday to prove to you that he’s not just interested in being physical with you.

    I know it feels uncomfortable at first when you’re suddenly getting what you want after being disappointed for so long, so we want to look for the holes in it, but honestly i think you should be celebrating today:)

  412.  #413GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

    #379 LoveAlways Yes, me too. And I`ve felt fascinated & inspired here in considering whoever said they resolved to never say to a man that she feels less than bc of his actions, bc it makes her feel like she gave aaway her power. (This is how it`s worked best for me too.) And then someone (Daria & someone else as well? FW?) said they, on the other hand, *can* & do say this to men… also Jessie1000 does w her Beau, as well. I`m musing on how the different individual energies of each of us as well as the relationship dynamic & for me, how much I`m giving off the scent of being in victim mode may determine how this kind of statement falls for me w NSM. It can be challenging w him (tho I don`t wanna put extra challenging energy in there to manifest anymore! yikes) bc he gets tired of hearing what I feel and he feels bogged down in that sometimes. so I see differences in the underlying energy & state I may be in when delivering fms (like am I blamy, judging, needy, expecting, focusing on hm & control. or simply taking care of me, CDing, & letting him choose & be him without feeling judged by me? I`m still learning) I feel sad & caring, and kinda (very) bad & guilty in a good way when I notice how we blame & judge our men in this society!!! It feels hurting & I dont like that, or that I`ve been such a part of that. I release that! (And that leaves me in the scary freefalling feeling of really simply taking good care of me.)

  413.  #414Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Oh Starla, do you think?

    That feels good to read. I’m not 100% convinced but it does help to feel better.

  414.  #415Starla on March 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Lizka, I’ve always felt uncomfortable about guys not kissing me sooner rather than later, and took it personally and my NVs went like crazy, but every single time it turned out they just didn’t want to f*ck it up by kissing me too soon. 100% of the time.

    Lizka, let ATW pursue your heart and soften it and fill you with a new desire, completely fresh, to kiss him, however long that takes. This is courtship:)

    Awww I’m feeling romantic right now, hehe.

  415.  #416GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Jessie1000 I didnt mean that you ever said you`d tell your Beau that you felt less than, but I was referring in my mind to how you told him “I need you every day”…! That`s something I`d feel afraid to say & I`d typically hide it dishonestly under surface for self-protection & control & avoiding vulnerability which feels like crap to a man of course, & esp to NSM. He`ll bust me on it like nobody`s business! So your sharing was *very*inspiring to me.

  416.  #417Healing Waterfall on March 25, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Here is my list:

    Go for a walk on the river trail with my son.
    Clean up dishes from lunch and the bake sale last night.
    Pay bills.
    Correct hw.

    I don’t like leaning back and this feeling that if I lean back and stick to my boundaries, i.e. not having sex with crush if he is still in a gray zone with the other woman, that he will not want to have sex with me.
    Because last wed. he really wanted to be intimate with me and i told him my boundary…..and he has not been texting me as much although he has been really open to me when we bump into each other and i know he is totally swamped with taxes…..but i don’t feel lovable and this is the crux of the matter, the whole thing, the whole donut for me, even if i say i am the prize, there is part of me that does not believe it and that is the part that i am not going to resist today, i am going to feel it and love it and love the unlovable part of me, which in my age regression is about 5 years old…..i feel accepting of these feelings and i will love me anyway…

    hey lizka, my leaning back/list buddy… was your run?

  417.  #418Rori Raye on March 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

    sophie – I know that shifting your perspective and perception of every moment seems like a large task – and yet it’s the fastest way to feeling peaceful and happy I know of. Try all of the relationship tools of the week you can find here – they’re in my Amazon book, Make Him Fall For You, too – and in Modern Siren – and just DO them…my teleclasses address this day-by-day self-tracking and “Radical Acceptance” – I’ll let you all know when the next one will be. Love, Rori

  418.  #419GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

    #389 Yes, Starbright, these are the things I`m working with, just as you desscribed here! Thanks for your feedback & suggestions… NSM is all about this work here tho he`s also silly & funny in his oddball way, lol. I *love* that we kind of don`t separate date time from worktime, but it all semi rolls together… I`m like that too, just not as much as he is. Your words lead me to see more clearly into this dynamic with him! I feel smiley and warm that you felt seen /smile, sigh/ and I do too from your reply. I also want to draw your attention to the fact that you asked again for what you needed/wanted, I *love* that! Sirens are on here doing a juggling act & growth challenge imo sometimes between focusing on caring for self & seeing/replying to others. I hold myself to knowing that it`s never personal imo when anyoone gets looked over, so I see it as ideal to keep asking until someone picks up our thread & replies! 🙂

  419.  #420lilybelle on March 25, 2012 at 11:17 am


    Could it be possible that what has you twisted up are expectations?

    Expectations are the mother of all disappointment in my mind and are also what gets us all twisted up.

    And while I don’t want to spend a lot of time in ATW’s head…it’s none of my business…maybe he is super respecting your boundary and totally stepping back to romance you. A good man doesn’t have to be in contact with you every day, particularly at this stage in courtship… He is more than likely waiting to see what you do, to see if you will revert to the old Lizka. He is learning to trust the change he has been seeing in you.

    The only thing you have to do is keep your vibe up for real, and do the things that make Lizka happy. And remember.,..there is something to be said for the energy that you put out…even if he isn’t in the room.

  420.  #421Rori Raye on March 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Tiffany – I want to help you here, and jump off of your comment with a long answer – do you want me to use “Tiffany”? or change you to “Tracy” or somesuch? Essentially – I want you to practice something different that won’t make sense right off: I want you to change your perception of this situation – that your mother is NOT “other” than you – she IS you – and so everything you think and feel about her is exactly what’s going on inside you. What you think and feel about you.

    So you think of her, catch that you’re having an opinion about her, and go to – Oh – she’s ME! (just acknowledging that you have some of those same qualities inside you that you don’t like and are stuffing down – and they’re causing you to not be as successful in life as you’d like) – Just SLATHER on the LOVE – for YOURSELF, and her, too….don’t concern yourself with “forgiving” her – just forgive yourself for anything and everything, slather on the love, and see if you can feel lighter and get your life more in gear…free up your boy to take care of you! (I know – not all that simple sounding – but if you practice – it’s the fastest way I know to make an enormous shift in results. Love, Rori

  421.  #422GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

    I see asking for what we want as a major growth experience in itself. I also, for those here considering about appearance/beauty etc (CocoKissses, I *adore* what you said about your weight etc, totally, and whoever said they were gonna go run 12K & let endorphins get them out of their funk – this has been a big piece for me too of late, & Im now outside the city enough to have fresh air to do it) I wanna share about the awesome woman, age 30, who visited our community the last 2 days. She is *amazing* in a barrelful of ways (vision, education, wisdom, etc), but in this country she would never be considered a “beauty” by our magazine standards etc (she looks imo much like a young version of one of her fave people, Julia Child). However, when she goes to another country where she does a lot of her life & work, she is considered gorgeous & desireable & valuable & guys are all over her! Love that.

  422.  #423GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Rori, thank you for that message about the mirror & projections & wholeness & no separations etc. Right on!!!!!

  423.  #424Daria on March 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Actually me personally I feel disconnected and not honored when my dates don’t kiss me. It doesn’t feel good and i don’t want to tolerate that, ESP w men I’ve been sexual/affectionate with.

    I remember a couple times I try to talk myself out of feeling bad I wind up realizing I always feel lonely around these men, or he’s actually disconnected and something’s wrong.

    Same goes for not complimenting me a lot.

    I really notice the diff in how secure and loved I feel w men who do and don’t.

    I’m starting to even notice it early on on the phone.

  424.  #425Daria on March 25, 2012 at 11:41 am

    I don’t think id have the same feeling of I could tell the guy was into me but then the ones who are into me kiss me hmmm
    I have had one I remember who took his time, and well until they do I feel ‘friends’ and they still wound up either being the kind who wanna jump in and leave if I’m not with that, or ..,

  425.  #426Daria on March 25, 2012 at 11:42 am

    If they’re complimenting me a lot it still feels good, even if they’re shy to kiss me. Hmm.

  426.  #427Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 11:47 am

    GingerSky…your posts are feeling easy breezy…yum!

  427.  #428GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 11:49 am

    #420 lilybelle Another right on word of wisdom you`ve said about how our vibe is when he`s not even in the room. We practice honest communication in my group here, so I wanna be honest w myself too & foremost so all else can spin from that… so I`m working with how to let me see my own vibe for what it is without getting sucked into it too heavily (like i see Rori, Dominique, FW, Daria & others do here) and be able to feel & experience it without going into denial but yet to do what you`ve said here, to raise my vibe *authentically*. Lol, that`s where it`s at for me! I used to just pump myself up, like Rori`s described in some of her work, & I didnt know what else to do. It was better than being in a funk, but lead to inflated sense of self, imbalance & defensiveness. I learn here how to get more real w Sirens as my mirror-mates. It felt very good to read your words.

  428.  #429Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 11:49 am

    ooooh….I just saw on fb that a close childhood friend of mine is in my city and she didn’t even tell me…I feel weird…like…”hey…I thought we were friends…” I want to say something but I don’t want to sound blamey…but I feel a teeny bit hurt…

  429.  #430GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 11:52 am

    #427 Aw, thank you, Jilly! Yum is how it feels to read your feedback, & I like hearing how I sound cuz I often don`t know.

  430.  #431Starla on March 25, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I have been feeling low energy and kind of depressed all weekend, but peaceful knowing it’s just my hormones right before my period. It would feel really good to get the things done that i had to do this weekend, and not sit around in this low, stagnant energy. It feels toxic and not recuperative.

    It feels good to know the difference! Ahhh I love my body and heart and mind.

  431.  #432Ella on March 25, 2012 at 12:02 pm


    Do you know what I am so sick and tired of this bullsh8t.

    So I replied to his sorry text and basically asked when is a good time to talk.

    I want to give him the no g,friend speech.

    So he didn’t text back all day, and I assumed it is cus he was working and we would have been really busy today.

    So then he texts me this evening.

    ‘I am home now I will call you. xxxxx’ I text him half an hour later to say I am free to talk and now it is an hour later and nothing and I feel

    absolutely full of rage.

    I don’t even know what to do with this anger.

    I feel humiliated.

    I feel like he is making a fool of me and I am just standing here taking it.

    I feel so upset.

    I don’t know what to do.

    I REALLY, REALLY feel like sending a text back telling him not to bother cus there’s no f-ing point.

    I feel so angry.

    I just want to send a text and vent at him.

  432.  #433GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    #417 Healing Waterfall, I relate to this boundary dilemma exactly. Am getting through it. Like, for me it has to do with getting the feel good and endorphins I need from fitness & good nutrition & letting my boy take care of me… to feel this dilemma seems imo to be a sign that we are in a good place to get to the other side?

  433.  #434Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm


  434.  #435GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    #432 ? Ella, I say don`t do anything! JUST BREATHE! He`s likely confused, it`s likely NOT personal toward you, but I know how this feels. It`s where I get to a lot also. You are triggered & that makes you regressed & defensive & projecting onto him. No telling what`s going thru his mind. It seems good you can say all this here & not act on it. Which would be needy & put you out of your power imo.

  435.  #436Starla on March 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm


  436.  #437GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    #432 Ella, fwiw if it was me I`d go more or less silent on him like Rori has said, & like Jessie1000 may do, & just do fun things & not answer anything he will inevitably eventually send to contact you later on? Imo his bahavior is a sign that he experiences you as leaning forward & controlling & seeming high-maintenance in his mind etc? Unless you have other reasons to be in contact him, like work or something, I`d say go silent on him awhile & take care of you by working on your triggers & healing Ella w lots & lots of love!

  437.  #438Jilly on March 25, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    I am feeling reflective and soft today

    I feeling relaxed and sleepy…a sunday nap would feel amazing 🙂 taking care of me 🙂

    Rugby Man left this morning…he said he would call me when he got to where he was going for work so that I would know he was safe lol…awww…he is adorable. Last night I had steaks in the fridge so he offered to bbq for us …and we had yams and asparagus…yum! Then we went hot tubbing 😉 it felt romantic and relaxing. We have always gone out to dinner so it felt good to stay in and cook dinner (and he did most of it 😉

  438.  #439lilybelle on March 25, 2012 at 12:23 pm


  439.  #440lilybelle on March 25, 2012 at 12:25 pm


    Thank you for that, Gingersky..I feel happy to hear that from you.


  440.  #441GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    #431 Starla, aw this feels very good and true to read. I experience that it makes such a difference to know that as well. Hugs! (sending you a manifestation of a bit of dark natural chocolate, like Chocolove 70% or Endangered Species Chimpanzee, my faves!)

  441.  #442Starla on March 25, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    yum gingersky that chocolate sounds amazing…i’m going to add it to the shopping list:)

  442.  #443Lush_Oasis on March 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm


    Have any of you ever felt as if you ‘just don’t belong’ … anywhere? Like — you just don’t fit with anyone or anything that’s going on?

    I feel totally disconnected from things lately and its like the more I try to ‘find’ myself; ‘find’ what may or may not be missing – then the more elusive it becomes.

    I feel so stranded in my home town b/c most of my friends from grade school have moved out of the area or are involved or married with families now.

    I live in a small area and it seems that all the men in my age group (10 years younger to 10 years older; and thats being very generous on the age span) are also already taken or otherwise involved.

    I have visited the local coffee shop for the past few days and really observed what was going on; how I felt — the sounds, the sites, the people, etc. And I felt as if I could be a fly on the wall! No one would even know I was there. I had eye contact and smiled with just about everyone that entered after I was there, but there was no feeling as if any of it mattered. Does that make sense? Hope so.

    Then … I went out to my car after a while and just sat there. Asking of myself — of the universe — what would make me happy in this very moment; what am I to do, etc. I sat and sat and sat but never got the sense that my “aha” moment would be if I did XYZ.

    I’ve checked the dating sites, but there is zero activity. All the people are the same and there’s no contact from any one. I received a couple messages, but none were asking for questions or inquiring about who I am; basically they were talking about themselves. I have not answered those messaegs b/c I don’t know what it is I’m supposed to answer and I don’t feel thrilled to send a message to them to say that “I feel lost on how to reply” or whatever, blah.

    I keep trying to ‘discover’ new avenues where I can get out and meet new people (not necessarily men, but that is the ideal situation, hee) … but I come up empty again. The college towns are in an age group way too young for me now and again, most of the other social activities in my town are for mothers with infants, toddlers, etc. Again, not for me.

    Anyway — just wanted to toss this out as its been on my mind for a couple days now. I feel discouraged. What would you all do?

  443.  #444GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Rori recently said: What if there were no villains? Not even him when he hurts you? And I add not even you when you are hurting you, with your thoughts about him or about yourself or your life. (((Sirens))) #442 Starla, okay, we`ll share some virtually later 😉

  444.  #445light heart on March 25, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    413 Gingersky

    Hi Gingersky! Yes, I was the siren that mentioned that I feel it is not standing in my power to express to a man that I feel ‘second best’. Like putting myself down. I have let Daria’s nice responses to this sit and percolate, and i am so glad you are ruminating about it too! I have to go to work now, so I can’t write about it now, but I will, for sure! Loving our goddess tribe..

    light heart

  445.  #446GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    #443 Lush Omg, how I relate. Maybe you are living in a town that just doesn`t fit for you? Are you attached or do you have any means to consider leaving to another place? What would you ideally like it to feel like to live in a town if it did fit you & your vibe etc? What kinds of things would you do or what kind os conversations & interactions would you like to have there? Feel that & let it shift you & what you attract?

  446.  #447Ella on March 25, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Gingersky re 437.

    I feel confused about why you say that he may be experiencing me as lean forward and high maintenance?

    Please could you expand a bit.

    I don’t think I have been leaning forward. I just asked for an appointment to talk. And then he offered to call.

  447.  #448sophie on March 25, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Thank you for acknowledging my struggle Rori I feel very grateful that I found you and am in a completely different place now from when I found you a year ago after googling toxic men (cos I was involved with a very toxic one!). To this end I must remember to congratulate myself for the transformation thus far! So I will commit myself for now to trying the tools for radical acceptance and in the moment – if i try to focus on these ones then maybe I won’t feel so overwhelmed – I do do a lot of projection eg if he does this i will feel this and it will all feel doomed – I feel terrified and sick a lot when i feel i am being or about to be let down – I am going to try and use the riffing tool too as this is powerful for helping me with my feelings which often feel too intense for me. I am also going to try literally zipping my mouth – i have never been any good at being told no! 🙁 I love me – thank you Rori and all sirens for being supportive and inspirational xxx

  448.  #449GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    #445 light heart /smile!/ Yeah, I`m very much ruminating on this, on may levels. It seems it may be individual per times, dynamics or people involved… it plays out for me as you describe, but I hear Daria`s words too (and know that I can trust them from experience). Right now it would feel good to me to keep both options in my tool box… and I don`t doubt that thinking & feeling around this will grow me. (Which always happens w Daria`s words for me… Daria, if I haven`t mentioned it yet, some things you`ve said to me a whole year ago still sit w me and are so good & helpful. I guess some of us just have a piece for another in their journey. I feel thankful & held by Sirens bringing pieces to make wholeness for ourselves… I see an image of us bringing glowing little fires to share.

  449.  #450Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Healing Waterfall – I like your list. It’s funny how we seems to be in the same kind of situation 🙂

    My run went super good. I ran 11.7K in 80 minutes wich is not that bad. Next week, I’ll try to run 21K just to see if I am ready for my race in May, or at least in the good direction. That should keep me busy this week as I’m gonna have to train for this test…

  450.  #451Lush_Oasis on March 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    @ GingerSky #446

    Thanks for your reply. I feel warmed that I was seen (sort of). I recently moved back home to help with my aging parents and loss of income, etc I feel bad that I don’t have the means to up and move again [though I’ve always felt bold and adventurous] it just doesn’t feel right this time.

    Your questions have helped to further find my “aha” moment. I just feel clueless on so many things. I will have to consider the where, what, when, why, who, and how’s when I answer the questions you ask (and then some) but still won’t have many of those answers either. {{Ginger}}

  451.  #452Starla on March 25, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Lizka, you astound me with your running abilities.

  452.  #453Brenda on March 25, 2012 at 1:15 pm


    RE: #390 – Reposting this in case you didn’t see it above:


    RE: #346 – I struggle with this anxiety too, bigtime. I still do a little, but I have come a long way toward healing it.

    I think the key is in working on my self-esteem so much that I actually believe the affirmations I tell myself! Not just a scared, “I am the prize”, but a KNOWING deep down inside that I AM the prize. I really AM!

    And this man is off his rocker if he passes me by! And if he passes me by, then he must not be the man I thought he was!

    For me, the long term fix was flooding myself with the beautiful affirmations all you ladies post, and things Rori says on programs like Modern Siren and Heart Connection Toolkit.

    And the short term fix was reprogramming my mind, gently replacing the thoughts of anxiety with stuff like this:

    He is crazy about me! He is so amazed by the goodness and beauty of my heart! He feels a feminine vibe on me that is different than any woman he has ever experienced. If he is my Soul Mate, there is nothing I can do to mess this up! It will just get better and better! I feel so excited to hear from him again!

    This psyching yourself out to believe the opposite of the Negative Voices in your head can help for the short term. For me, over time, it has become mostly automatic! I went from texting my anxious thoughts to Ryan three years ago almost every time we parted company to just letting him or any other man walk away at the end of a date and just think happy thoughts of him and our time together.

    The change in me feels miraculous! Because many times in the past 3 years as I meditate on Rori’s materials and on the amazing contributions on the blog from all the Sirens, I have felt helpless and hopeless. But I am really feeling my Sirenness in a genuine, deep way!

  453.  #454Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I just sent a response to OM from his Friday message.

    I was friendly, and I only responded to what he wrote. Since he had offered to hang out or meet up, I resisted the urge to invite him to a couple of events. One was an event he had already agreed to go to – but that was before we “broke up.” So I assuming now that the deal is off. I would still let him come with me, if he wanted to. But I guess only if he asks. It will feel good to go alone, and see my friends, and do something creative by myself, without having to stress about him, or about travel, or any of the rest of it. Plus, if I even mention it, it will look like I am leaning forward and overfunctioning…so I didn’t. Yay!

    I am tempted also to invite him for passover dinner. I think I might wait on that one, though. It’s customary to invite “strangers” for passover. But a) it’s not my seder, so I’d have to get it approved by they host. And b) he’s just as likely to get an invitation from any one of his numerous Jewish friends closer to home. So I’m pretty sure it’s not my “job” to invite him. But it did cross my mind. I am going to wait and see how it goes, and then go with how I feel about it…

    I am getting used to my “new life” without him – but also my life with him as a casual acquaintance, and just figuring out where the lines are there, as well. It’s harder when you have history. But I like exploring this new “space” as well…meanwhile, of course, being open to other men and other experiences…:)

  454.  #455Healing Waterfall on March 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Thanks Gingersky for your comment…..and i just looked up what imo means….in my opinion, so i just went back to re read your post.
    Definitely, I feel agreement with you. I feel really super f*ing brave to just sit with these feelings of unworthiness, because i really know it has nothing to do with my crush and everything to do with unresolved childhood stuff or past history….AND…..if i am going to transform like all the incredible sirens here, i must make friends with all the parts of me…..
    and i agree endorphins and eating well are very important pieces of self care…..i see you live in an intentional community, that sounds really cool…wow.

  455.  #456Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    @452 Lizka/Starla, you around me with your stunning abilities 😉

  456.  #457Silver Moonbeam on March 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    #453 Brenda

    I am in awe of how far you have come, can I just say that you are my role model on how to be a Siren. 🙂

  457.  #458Healing Waterfall on March 25, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Hi Lush Oasis,
    Yes, I know just how you feel. It feels like you are wearing an invisibility cloak?

    Hi Lizka
    That’s a great pace you set, I bet you feel really good now. Plus that has got to make your bod totally hot.

    well, i cleaned the dishes and tried to fix the dishwasher standing water issue by pouring vinegar into the dishwasher and running it on prerinse but no luck.
    i meditated for about an hour and i feel more present.
    now i am going to go for a walk, maybe on a brook trail instead of the river and be near the water and smell the smells of the rain….
    still leaning back and it feels lonely….but bearable, so that’s an improvement.

  458.  #459Ella on March 25, 2012 at 1:28 pm


    This feels a bit crappy.

    I feel so stupid.

    Like everyone can just abuse me and I will just let them.

    That is how it feels right now.

    Like I trusted him and gave him a second chance after the wine incident, and now last night something happened again.

    And today I have replied to his texts and I probably should have just ignored them or told him I was feeling too angry to talk.

    But I didn’t. I was perfectly reasonable in my texts although I did say I felt bad.

    I bet he thinks ‘oh look, I can do ANYTHING to her and she will just take it and not stand up for herself’.

    It feels awful right now.

    Even though I know I iwas going to give him the no g,friend speech. He doesn’t know that and must just think I am a total mug.

    Or maybe not.

    I don’t know I just feel confused.

    I mean I have walked away on several occasions, and he has seen me stand up for myself.

    Well feck it.

    He can actually go and f8ck himself now.

    Seriously I am done.

    I will be professional with him. And cordial and thats it.

    Oh now I just feel like crying.

  459.  #460Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Lilybelle –

    Thank you for this message to me. It feels really good to read it and hopeful.

    I think you are right about expectations. I think that unconsciously, I might have set expectation that at the first date after setting my boundary, he would have been all in awwwee with me. Lol, silly me!

    I guess I have to remind myself that it can take weeeeeeks and even mooooonths!!

    And I also think you are right when you say ” He is more than likely waiting to see what you do, to see if you will revert to the old Lizka. He is learning to trust the change he has been seeing in you.” It reminds me that he said that to be together we have to be both autonomous with our own life. So it totally fits with what you are saying and makes me feel more peacfull and less worried.

    Thank you 🙂

  460.  #461Healing Waterfall on March 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Hi Ella,


    yesterday at the bake sale, i ran into painterCD, who I had not heard from for a week.
    he said he was going to email me today and ask if i wanted to go out on a date for a glass of wine and i was really open to it. so now i don’t know what to do, since i did not ask him for a day or time… i send him an email?
    and another guy, a teacherCD possibility, called me from match and we talked and then i had to getoff the phone and he said, well, you can call me next and i didn’t say anything, i just had to get off the phone because Braco was starting up… i email him since he is waiting for me to contact him? or do i just wait?
    these are the leaning back questions I need help with….anybody feel like commenting… i just wait?

  461.  #462Emerson on March 25, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    ((Lush Oasis)) 443 & 451
    How kind of you and a very good daughter to be looking after your parents! That is so hard. Can you maybe find a support group? You are going thru a very hard role change conflict perhaps…and you may really need some support.

    I do believe that this feeling you are having is just temporary though.

    I feel your pain about looking around and it seems there is nowhere to “fit in.”

    I used to feel that way at church alot…and with my friends…

    A few years ago I reinvented my identity by starting a new career and pursued my hobbies. There was still a while there during my transition, where I felt very similar to how you describe. Almost invisible and forgotten.

    I’d get really lonely and urgent feeling…even reaching out to really old friends and trying to reconnect,and they’d be lukewarm and/or too busy or changed so much I could not relate to them anymore. It was strange!

    And, for a while, I was living in my hometown where I grew up (no family and very few friends are left there) and it was so hard for me to be tehre because it felt like a ghost town to me. The buildings were there, but not the people.

    I had to leave. And thank God I did, because I felt a huge weight lift and much more inspired and FREE being away from there.

    Too many memories and left me feeling sad for days of my whole family being together and I would feel “homesick” amid being in my own hometown.

    It was weird.

    I got off on a tangent and thanks for letting me share that….

    I feel much better now, I am sorry you don’t know what shifted except I finally just said screw it I don’t care and started really pursuing the things that make me happy. It’s still a work in progress. I’m in transition again, now with my job.

    I do still go thru bouts of feeling lonely and really alone….but I found that perhaps that insignificant invisible feeling was because I was not loving myself enough.

  462.  #463Emerson on March 25, 2012 at 1:40 pm


  463.  #464Ella on March 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    I feel like texting him

    ‘I feel so angry! I was willing to stay open and even talk to you after you were a complete d8ck last night. And now I just feel furious, humilated and closed off’.

  464.  #465Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Brenda –

    Hi Brenda! I’m sorry, I saw this post this morning and I forgot to reply…

    I actually not sure if deep down I really know that I am the price or not. I mean, if I really was, why would I obviously be thinking more often about him than he does about me…


    Thank you for your message. I am doing everything I can do raise my self esteem. I think it is not too bad though.

    I am happy to see that you are feeling better and better about yourself and that you seem to be doing great!! 🙂

  465.  #466Ella on March 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm


  466.  #467Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    I just had an insight about my “lousy” saving abilities with money. See, here’s where I get confused – in my deep, deep, deepest of inner parts, I believe, and I KNOW that I am a very, very good saver. I have this embedded in my like part of my DNA. It is just how I like to be. But something has happened along the way to cause me to act differently from my True Self, and this is causing me a LOT of anguish, anxiety, discomfort, and emotional pain and distress. “Cognitive dissonance,” if you will. My outside does not match my inside.

    And maybe, just maybe, it does not have anything to do with my parents. Maybe it has nothing to do with culture, or society, or even any ideas that I have about spending/making money, etc.

    I think it might have to do with Halloween candy.

    See, when I was a kid, Halloween was one of my favorite times, because I had (haha – have) a huge sweet tooth. So I loved getting all the candy. And of course, like good kids, we would all sit around afterward and trade loot – hopefully to get rid of as much of the stuff we didn’t want and get as much of the good stuff that we did want.

    One year, I had a whole bunch of candy, and I was very satisfied with my “take.” That is, I got a lot to begin with, and I ended up with a lot of good stuff from trading, too. I put it all in a white shirt box (like the kind a shirt or sweater would come in as a gift) and stuck it under my bed. I carefully rationed my candy so that it would not all go away too soon. I wouldn’t eat more than one or two pieces a week, because I really wanted to savor and enjoy it for as long as possible. I also began by mostly eating the candy that I didn’t really like, so as to save the candy I did like for the end…yum. 🙂

    So imagine this: I am eating Halloween candy through Thanksgiving. I am eating Halloween candy at Christmas. I leave that dang box under my bed ALL WINTER, just loving the comfort of knowing that my candy is there for me, and that I’m saving it, and it’s all mine. In fact, I may have just stopped eating the candy at some point, because I just liked knowing it was there more than I even liked eating it.

    Well, some time in April, I go to fish the box out and get some candy for myself. Lo and behold, all the chocolate is dry. It has this powdery film on the outside of it, and it all tastes kind of dusty. The parts that are edible are no good – even the airtight wrapped ones – and some are just rock hard. I had to throw away a good-sized chunk of my hard-earned Halloween candy that I was so very proud of myself for saving.

    So what was my lesson? Saving my “currency” didn’t mean that it was there for me in the future. In fact, it meant that I lost half of it, because I had to throw it away. And to a kid, candy is as good as (or better than) money. Save it, and you will actually LOSE what it was you were trying to save. Better to “eat the candy” now – or risk losing it and never being able to enjoy it in the future.

    And that’s basically how I treat money. When I get money, I find a way to spend it NOW. I want to enjoy it NOW. I don’t want to save it too long, because I don’t feel confident to trust that it will not be there for me in the future. It doesn’t matter that I’ve never seen a dollar bill rot in a bank vault. No one has. But what I did try to save went “bad” on me – it taught me (or seemed to, maybe on some unconscious level) that my instincts were wrong, it taught me not to trust “saving,” and so I adjusted my habits to avoid any similar pain of loss in the future.

    What do any of you think of that? I know it probably seems like a silly story. But I wonder if it really affected me somehow. I can remember it very vividly, and it was pretty painful/traumatic. I don’t think I ever told anyone about it, because, one, it was my private stash, and it was a secret, and I didn’t want anyone to know. And two, I was embarrassed, and afraid everyone would laugh at me and blame me for being stupid or silly. (and they might have.)

    I was ridiculed more often than I care to admit, as a child. My parents treated me more as an amusement and an entertainment than as a real person, it seems.

  467.  #468Emerson on March 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Well after I texted NewCD that I don’t want to text, he did call and was very sweet. I caught myself but I remembered Lizka’s words in some past posting not to lead the conversation…I had started to….and I feel thankful that I’m always learning better ways to relate to men.

    It was good practice overall talking to him. I also caught myself feeling the urge to chat (i.e., leading the convo) and I also started to put myself down jokingly…and caught myself and learned from it…
    Lots of learning and practice here!

    He is soo nice and very kind it seems…we are supposed to meet later this week. I felt a little akward and nervous talking to him but I managed to let the moment pass without chatting too much. 🙂

    It takes me a while to get to know people I am actually a lil bit SHY…and I don’t open up so quick.

    He asked for pics so I sent him some (he only had one of me) and I have not heard back yet but I hope he likes them (me wanting approval and I should not doubt my siren amazingness!!)

    So that’s the latest!

  468.  #469Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Ella – what??? what is it?

  469.  #470Emerson on March 25, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    465 Lizka
    YES you are the prize indeed….When NVs try to tell me otherwise…sometimes I think of a man who really adored me in my past and just remember the feeling (not focus on the man) and how it felt to be so adored and desired, and I carry that feeling around with me and know that men everywhere would KILL to kiss me or have a date with me! It usually works.
    I don’t know why he didn’t kiss you but I think it’s fair to tell him I felt disconnected last time we met (if you feel that way) and he may ask why? And you can share that it feels great to have physical affection….or something like that…

    I did do that with Recycled before and his response was very positive, I told him I felt disconnected last time we met up and he wanted to fix it for me right away. Well he’s a whole nother story but anyway, it was nice that he wanted to fix it for me.

  470.  #471Tiffany on March 25, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    P.S. full confession: I *did* add a p.s. onto my message to OM as well. It was kind of silly. I was just basically making fun of him for something that happened during the time we were dating. Making fun of both of us, actually, but mostly him 😉 And it involved sending a youtube video (or three ;p) – so could be maybe seen as “giving” to him. But it has to do with one of the better aspects of our dating, so hopefully it will only be seen as playful – because that’s the vibe I was shooting for anyway…I am silly. 🙂 And playful. And a strong and independent woman. But I know how to be A Woman. I know how to Receive. I know how to Relax and Let Go, and not get attached to the outcome….tehee!

  471.  #472Emerson on March 25, 2012 at 1:55 pm


    I agree with the other siren’s post that maybe doing nothing right now is a good idea.

    Also, as was mentioned yesterday, remembering that “addicts” time moves slower than others’ (i.e. delayed reaction)…

    but men are also very intuitive, and he certainly has a feeling, I’m sure, that you are not happy. He may be avoiding you so as to avoid the negative words, but that does not mean you should not speak your truth.

    Do what feels best for you, but remember to keep your dignity and siren-ness intact.

  472.  #473GingerSky on March 25, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    #437 & #447 Ella, what I mean is that for me if a man pulls back & does this it always turns out to mean he is experiencing me as leaning forward… maybe it`s my energy when he`s not even in the room, cuz guys really feel that (blame, need, anger, hope, desire etc) & our vibe connects w those we`re connected to & those we`re holding in our consciousness & thinking about. And/or as is often the case, he may experience you as leaning forward when you did nothing in that way, bc that`s what he tends to experience inside himself when he connects w any woman, &/or when he really likes a woman etc. So I guess my words are meant more to speak to your vibe and to his internal self, and none of that is in my mind or words about any sense of wrongdoing on either of your parts… but only alllowing for & honoring your honest and authentic blameless humanity as individuals who are connected now. Imo it`s about what works and what doesn`t, what`s true and what isn`t, and what hurts and what doesn`t. It felt to me like you were feeling villainizing toward him & I *so* get that. And I wonder what it would feel like and where it would go to simply observe you & your reactions, where they`re coming from in self, where have I brushed me off, failed to stick up for or take good care of or pay enough attention to me and to treat me like I *matter* and am worthy of a response & time spent & invested! And to also observe him & lightly wonder what he`s really feeling inside, without blaming him or taking his power by making him *wrong* & kinda taking his right to choose his actions, reactions & feelings.. and why you give him the power to make you feel crappy or mad or slighted. To wonder what he`s really feeling without letting it matter too much while living your own real & important life. It`s all about *you* .You are the priority:) Imo you haven`t done *anything* “wrong”, youre just getting the chance to notice a place inside where your thoughts about something cause you pain & upset & stress. What do you think? If it was me (as it often is here in my situation w NSM) I`d wnna say to myself that this dynamic is the bullshxt I (beautifully) manifested so I can shine a soul light into me and see where the brokenness is. SO I can helal that.

  473.  #474Coco Kisses on March 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    🙁 :(:(:( 🙁 :(:(

    I feel sort of bummed, after today’s surprise drive by my husband did, there is a part of me that thinks he just might go ahead and file for divorce 🙁

    This is NOT what I want
    He says this is NOT what he wants

    I am NOT in control of the outcome, I’m only in control of myself.

    For all those praying people here, please pray for me. ell ur prayer people to pray for me please. Thank you.

    I am having faith that God, life, the universe is bringing me my LOVE of a LIFETIME, I deserve it

  474.  #475Lizka on March 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Lol thank you Starla, sometimes I don’t even understand myself how I do that. I am really the less sportive girl in the world. All my life, I hated to do sport, when I was a little girl, my mom suscribed me to a soccer team and I refused to play, during the game and practices, I was picking the dandelions on the soccer field. Lol. I did figure skating for 10 years, from 6 to 16 years old. Figure skating was “me”. I was training 2 or 3 times a week, I was even teaching at the end. But I w